happy anniversary to "Dr. Realist" (Dr. リアリスト) by cosMo@bousouP & GAiA! this song came out 13 years ago today.
art by cosMo@bousouP | youtube upload | august 24th, 2024.
[Image description: A screenshot from the official music video for "Dr. Realist". It features characters from the Star Girl and The Illusion Paradise Series, Rho & Lambda, sitting on a wall, holding books in their hands, and looking at the camera. Behind the wall is another character, Dr. Realist, looking at the camera. The background is an old blueprint of a machine of sorts. In the bottom left corner, there's a dark purple and light blue logo which features both the english and the japanese title of the song, as well as the producer name and voicebank used. End image description.]
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Nun Girl and Idol Girl by cosMo@Bousou-P feat. Hatsune Miku
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Star Girl and the Illusion Paradise cover playlist wooo
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𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓. maki zenin
ৎ୭ PAIRING: maki zenin x f!reader (she/her pronouns, afab anatomy)
ৎ୭ ABOUT: having maki as a girlfriend is to be treated like a spoiled princess! nothing but the best for her favorite girl.
ৎ୭ CW/TW: SFW. no-curses au, maki is kind of despised by the zenin clan but she still has A LOT of money, this is like a sugar mommy fantasy im not gonna lie but with TONS of affection and no sex. reader is the daughter of a lesser family. everyone is around 21-26. reader is not exactly a bimbo, but i wrote that thinking about a bimbo-way of acting. this is kinda of nonsensey?
ৎ୭ A/N: english is not my first language and I wanted to write about Maki buying stuff to her gf. this is my first time posting anything I write, im sorry!! i hope you like it.
MAKI is used to disobeying zenin clan's orders. she owes them nothing, and never will. despite her insistence on breaking the rules, they refuse to let her out of the gilded cage that is this family. so she makes things difficult for them.
she thought things couldn't really get good. that even with her eternal struggle, she would still be forever subjected to a putrid rockbottom with no escape. no light, no guiding star. there's when you show up.
the first time she sees you is at a diamond viewing party. of course, a jewel auction for the three clans to squander their wealth, but also for the heirs — the real diamonds — to come forward and form bonds. if not for the arranged marriage, then for the fun and drinking. the illusion of choice gleaming in the eyes of those naive ones makes maki's stomach turn.
most heirs are annoying. she has no idea where mai is (and frankly, she couldn't care less), the youngest boy of the kamo clan is being annoying. everyone is completely stressing her out, not realizing it's all lambs heading to the slaughter. in their lives there is no real life or joy. they will enjoy their families' dirty money, but they won't be happy. everyone is pretending everything is fine, and it's getting on maki's nerves.
so, she grabs a glass of champagne from a waiter's tray and leaves the party, her feet leading her to the most secluded place in the house: the garden. only issue is, you had the same idea. sitting on an elegant bench and surrounded by flowers, there's you. it looks like a damn movie scene, she thinks when her heart skips a bit. you don't seem willing to put on a mask to please your family either, if you're sitting on a cold night alone in an elegant garden.
she can see you're trying not to shiver, but the sleeveless dress they've chosen doesn't help against the biting cold. at least the zenin gave her a white (fake) fur coat courtesy. then she walks over, takes the fur off her shoulders and puts it on yours. you look up at her, frowning. you look cute when you frown, she thinks.
“you're going to freeze to death here. keep the coat, I don't need it.” she says simply, sitting beside you without asking. but she didn't need to ask. you were happy.
maki took a sip of champagne, and you took a moment to study her. the black dress hugged her curves and showed off her muscles well. she had an aura of confidence, her hair shorter than most women's. it looked like she'd been through hell and come out stronger. though, you thought, not even Dante could have written such a beautiful, angelic figure.
“so, i'm Maki.” she introduces herself with a smile. you smile back at her. “and you are?”
and that's how it started — the gateway to her paradise.
maki hangs up the phone without a second thought. she doesn't care which idiot wants to marry her. she has everything she needs right here, now, in front of her. she wants to focus on that. you're in an expensive mall coffee shop, finishing your orders when she gets the call. another marriage proposal, another refusal.
“Maki?” your soft voice pull her out of her thoughts. it's like being called by an angel. because that's what you are. her angel. “are you alright?”
“yes, darling, don't worry.” she gives you a reassuring smile and moves her hand to rest over yours on the table. it makes you smile and one day, she swears she's going to combust over your smile. it is the most important smile of her life, the smile she will protect without hesitation. “is the coffee good, angel?”
the petname makes you flustered. you nod, sipping on the coffee. it's the kind of stupidly expensive store, even for a coffee shop. the seats are comfortable and the food is simply delicious. your girlfriend loves to spoil you, after all.
“yes! it's so nice.”
“perfect, dear. do you wanna go to that clothing store after you're done with your food?”
maki can go a little overboard sometimes, but spending money on your favorite things is her way of her showing love. gift giving. moreover, it's an excuse for her to see you trying on nice clothes, feeling good, turning around to show her the extent of the fabric. to her eyes and her eyes only.
the store is so fancy, and has every kind of dress, and it's perfect. she totally let go of her schedule, because no matter how many boring meetings the zenin want her to lead — sitting on a comfortable fancy sofa and watching you twirl in cute dresses is a much better way of spending her time.
“Maki, look! this one is so pretty!” the dress you show her, your favorite color, is amazing on you.
maki is sprawled out in the elegant sofa with light-tone pillows. the whole appearance of the store makes her much more evident, the dark green hair and the black and white laid-back suit make her look powerful. but that's the fun in your dynamic: she's the resting bitch face girlfriend, and you're the one in a cute dress, spending her money like it was your own. because is. all of her is yours.
“yeah. it is.” she smiles softly, raising one of her arms and moving her index finger to call you. “babe, come here. you like this one, right?”
you nod, coming closer. god, you're so pretty, she can't help but think.
her heart is yours, completely in love with all the ways you act. her soul is intertwined with yours, fate decided to bring you together permanently, that's the feeling she has. she is absolutely and completely lost when it comes to you — no one can take her love like you do. and nobody can love her like you do.
maki holds the hem of the dress, feeling the fabric between her hands. she meticulously evaluates, but her biggest focus is on your smile, your happiness — and of course, the dress actually looks great on you. it's a perfect win-win: you look comfortable and pretty.
“so let's take this one too and a couple others. pick whatever you want.” she moves her head to look for an employee. next to your girlfriend, on the same sofa, there is already a pile of dresses of your size. “excuse me, my girlfriend wants to see more dresses like this.”
she says the title with possession, smirking. she grabs one of your hands and bring it close to her mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.
“anything else you like, angel? buy anything you want. we'll be using my card.”
anything for her favorite girl.
©OHKKOTSUU on tumblr.
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One complaint I often see about Hazbin/Helluva Boss is the lack of villains, or rather all the villains are the same. Cool concepts that end up being more childish than a Saturday morning cartoon. Well for my rewrite I try to lean into that Saturday Morning aesthetic by having a variety of villains with cool gimmicks. Not all of them are Pure Evil though, they're broken souls, but at the same time I want more villains with different motivations and themes. And yes there are unambiguously evil villains who do bad shit for the hell of it. Here's what I have so far:
We have the main villains, a circus that Evan works for early in the beginning until her transport to hell and subsequent redemption. Their goal is to overthrow the angelic hierarchy and hell royal families and turn the earth into a paradise free of pain and suffering. But in the process puts the souls and innocent humans at risk.
Balthazar: ringleader and owner of the Moonshine Carnival. He recruited teenaged runaway Evangeline Smith to steal a powerful artifact to add to his collection. Underneath the eccentric fun loving facade lies a calculating manipulator with a score to settle with heaven...and hell. Wields a Shillelagh that may have been retooled from an angelic weapon. Based on Caine from TADC
Necrobats: Acrobats who work at the circus, they're stylized like Adam's Exterminators but in bright blue&purple.
Hoohah: A clown with an assorted arsenal of tools including ropes, water guns, whips, chains... Huh? Hoohah is a talented actor who skirts thw line between comedy and melodrama. Is based on Gangle from TADC.
Mesmeralda: A snarky fortune teller with standard telekinesis and mind reading. She works for Balthazar. Based on Zooble from TADC.
Magmarock: Pyrotechnics of Balthazar's circus and muscle, he can control different types of heat including lightning, lava, and steam. Despite his might he is shown to have a suspicious side. Based on Kinger from TADC.
Chevy Duty: Monster trucker from the state of Montana, his truck is a literal monster truck. It can only be soothed through Dolly Parton. Is the only character not based on one from TADC but he is partly inspired by WWE stars.
Portia Lane: A ballerina and dancer with razor sharp shoes. Comes off as motherly and somewhat neurotic, but also fiercely loyal to Balthazar. Is based on Ragatha from TADC.
Pax: suave magician who was the closest Evan had to a friend at the circus. Tall dark and handsome, but operates with his own agenda. Specializes in illusions and light magic. Based on Jax from TADC.
There's other performers and actors such as clowns, dancers, water tricks, animal tamers etc. The main ones I describe are considered the Elites, and the most selfish and evil.
Then I have the independent villains. I haven't come up with all the names so shoot me some suggestions!
Georgina Reginald: A wealthy girl who attends the same school Evan does. While academically and socially gifted, she is also cold, cruel and belittles those she deems beneath them. Evan and Adam TP's her house. Later Georgina is given powers from a mysterious amulet and tries to take over the school.
Moore and Artie: A due of robbers who were active in the UK. While attempting a crime in France they were caught in a shootout and Artie was killed. Soon after, Moore revived his friend using an soul artifact. Augmented with new powers they continued their crime spree. Evan and Charlie fights them during a brief stay on Earth
Furie Fatale: Formerly Megara, the first wife of Hercules who was murdered along with their kids by Hera. She pleaded with Persephone and Hades to reverse their deaths but was rejected. Vowing revenge, Megara turned her sights to the Demon Overlords, and made a deal with the Overlord of Wrath to destroy Hera, anyone who worships her and the other deities who reside in the skies. She's a darker reflection of Eve and Lilith.
Dee-Kay: Originally a real estate guru Deidre Kaye who constructor who planned on building a resort which would've risked destroying a wildlife sanctuary Flora Smith volunteers. Following a freak accident involving chemicals Deidre developed the power to make plants Rot. He's Flora's main opponent.
Breezer: A demonic wind elemental, not much for personality other than that they are volatile and hired by overlords as a temp.
Carrie Sensation: Based on Carrie Nation, a self styled activist who tries to get all the bars closed. She was sent to hell for pushing her views onto everyone and her disregard for ruining people's businesses. She's Husk's main enemy.
Tidal Rage: a water demon with the ability to create hurricanes. Originally a surfer named Tina Rodriguez who cheated at competitions, eventually leading up to drowning a rival surfer. Attempts to flood the hotel out of jealousy towards Charlie.
Venjara: A worker for Valentino, she is a ninja and known shitstirrer who weaponizes the pain of others to project her own self righteous sense of justice. She's the evil counter to Vaggie.
An animal trafficker who owns creatures like the chupacabra and small dragons, selling to the highest bidder. At one point he steals Fat Nugget, prompting a manhunt.
Nightmare Imps, demonic forces who torments people in their sleep. To Abel they are merely more than pests that can be easily dealt with a spray bottle.
An elderly mobster was in a rival gang and who knows Angel Dust (before he died) and still alive, nearing 100 years old. Angel Dust pays him one last visit.
A former Exterminator named Harmonie who took things a little too far and started attacking humans under the assumption that by doing so, they wouldn't turn into Sinners. Adam and Lute was forced to retire her but she escaped and now leads a rival group called the Harpy League. She's a reflection of Adam's violent methods & disobedience. Eventually he admits he feels a tad guilty for his role in ruining her sanity.
Wright N. Rung: A former judge who was sent to hell for causing false imprisonment and executions of innocent people. He can condemn souls and is the rare ability to break contracts (for a high price that is). He's similar to Frollo and is another character who serves as a darker reflection of Adam, namely his self righteousness; and Charlie for her passivity and privilege.
Goliath: Warlord from Ancient biblical times with a score to settle with the angels, namely King David's family. He is a counter to Alastor.
Jezebel: Former queen and a biblical figure who led a genocide and was thrown off the balcony by a servant. In hell she maintained her regal status, and creates a league to overthrow heaven. She even tried to overthrow Lilith once, and sees her disappearance by attempting to persuade Lucifer to accept her as his new bride. He hates her ass lol.
I have other ideas for villains but in theory, they're meant to be darker reflections of the Main characters + my OCs and Adam. Showing what'll happen if they don't move on from their flaws
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This is my sideblog for Queens Dressed in White content, as well as assorted BNHA thoughts.
I'm a trans woman writing fictional trans girls. Long time superhero fan, and had recently gotten back into BNHA.
Link to my AO3 page here.
AUs/Fics you can ask about under the cut:
Queens Dressed in White: Midoriya is a student as Seiai, along with several other girls in her age group. (Trans girl)
For Love And Justice: Midoriya can turn people into Magical Girls. (Trans egg)
Lady of Illusions: Midoriya has a Quirk based in stage magic, with a slight touch of reality warping. (Girl)
Bun for All: 1-B Midoriya with a Lagomorph Quirk. Also One for All. And a large polycule. Based partly in Deus' "Feral Fluffle" and "Cousin Rumi" AU's. (Girl)
How Monoma Neito (Accidentally) Saved Japan: In a blind panic, Monoma accidentally stole All for One, and the massive collection of Quirks within it, before joining UA. His only goal with them is to make 1-B the greatest class in UA's history.
Generation Zero: An X-Men inspired AU, where Quirked people are the minority and are actively mistreated by those without Quirks.
The Forgotten Goddess: Inspired by Deus' Divinity AU. Yaoyorozu is a long forgotten goddess of creation, and Midoriya is her loyal High Priestess.
Shooting Stars: A TTK wielding Midoriya had moved away back during Elementary School, and has no memories of Bakugou Katsuki.
Brand New Hero: An unethical MLA expreiment gives Midoriya shapeshifting powers akin to Kagemori Michiru from BNA.
Midnight Mass: Midoriya has the power to enter and manipulate dreams.
Rabbit Trick: With a touch Midoriya can turn you into a rabbit.
Bakugou Kasumi: Bakugou has a twin sister who is different from him in every way.
Daughter of Paradise: Themyscira native Midoriya Satomi.
Start a Revolution: Generator Rex crossover AU.
Hero Time: Ben 10 crossover AU.
Spiderbite: Melissa Shield with Spider powers.
Orchard Hero: Decent person Female Mineta.
Emerald Flames: Female Midoriya with a dragon Quirk.
Slipstream: Midoriya with Float, named after her grandmother.
Spellcrafter: Witch Midoriya.
Green Valley Chat: Multi AU crossover, any previous AU is able to interact with any other.
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Vocaloid Song Poll Just For Fun #129
Both of these songs are not only by cosMo@bousou-P, but feature characters in "The Fantastic Garden" series and the "Star Girl and the Illusion Paradise" series: ANTI THE∞HOLiC vs. Dr. Realist
Please reblog for a bigger sample size!
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Ranwan Playlist
Here’s my mainly Ranwan playlist, it started as a Chu Wanning playlist I built while I was reading; but it became a Ranwan playlist as I kept reading. So I hope you enjoy and I hope it inspires. All of these songs can be found on spotify.
Song Count: 184
Estimated Time: 12 Hours
Trapdoor-Twenty One Pilots
Weight of the World-Citizen Soldier
Would Anyone Care-Citizen Soldier
I’m not okay-Citizen Soldier
Always December-Citizen Soldier
Empty Cup-Citizen Soldier
Better Place-Citizen Soldier
Kill my memory-Citizen Soldier
Mess of Me-Citizen Soldier
If these scars could speak-Citizen Soldier
Face to Face-Citizen Soldier
Phoenix-League of Legends, Cailin Russo, Chrissy Costanza
Life Vest-The Material
Lil’ Red Riding Hood-Amanda Seyfried
I’m not an angel-Halestrom
Elastic Heart (Rock Version)-Written by Wolves
Someone you used to know-The Dark Element, Anette Olzon, Jani Liimatainen
The Way Down-The White Tie Affair
Trench Coat Angel (Accoustic)-Tyler Ward
Walk You Home-Karmina
Your Light-Will Morton, Julie Wemyss
At War-Letters from the fire
Last Goodbye-Dead by April
Unbreakable-Citizen Soldier
That’s no way to break a heart-Sherrie Austin
Ten Million Voices-Shaman’s Harvest
It’s Over when it’s over-Falling in Reverse
Last night on earth-Delta Goodrem
A dangerous mind-Within Temptation
Only you-Ellie Goulding
You’re my melody-Arion
Marionette (Radio Edit)-Antonia
Oblivion-Enemy Inside
False Kings-Poets of the fall
Sally’s Song-Amy Lee
Ophelia-Natalie Merchant
Bitter-Citizen Soldier
Hope it Haunts you-Citizen Soldier
The Raven-Karliene
Sleep-Poets of the fall
End of the World-Juliet Simms
Never Enough-Karliene
Possession (Piano Version)-Sarah McLachlan
Madness-Ruelle
Stand my ground-Within temptation
Hate Me-Eurielle
Wash it all away-Five finger death punch
The man I used to be-Thomas Borchert
Shot-The rasmus
He’s hurting me-Maria Mena
Home-Cavetown
Far from home-Five finger death punch
Remember everything-Five finger death punch
I apologize-Five finger death punch
Wrong side of heaven-Five finger death punch
Can’t forget you-My darkest days
Break your heart-Natalie Merchant
I’ll be ok-Nothing More
Paradise (What about us?)-Within temptation, Tarja
Dog teeth-Nicole Dollanganger
Head above water-Roll for it
War-Poets of the fall
My nocturnal serenade-Yohio
In pieces-Citizen Soldier
Kind and Generous-Natalie Merchant
Killing me softly with his song-Fugees, Ms. Lauryn Hill
Illusion and Dream-Poets of the Fall
Bury me alive-We are the fallen
As the world falls down-David Bowie
Teeth-5 seconds of summer
Dig the crazy-Faith Marie
Hysteria-Def Leppard
Fire and Ice- Olivia Bray
You took the words right out of my mouth (Hot summer night)-Meatloaf
No end, no beginning-Poets of the Fall
Show me the meaning of being lonely-Backstreet Boys
Battle Scars-Paradise Fears
Don’t Speak (Epic Trailer Version)-Hidden Citizens, Tim Halperin
Eat you-Caravan of Thieves
Rise/The Greatest-Jacob Sutherland
My little secret-Citizen Soldier
Children of the sun-Poets of the fall
The unquiet grave-Karliene
Over and Over-Three days grace
Just one yesterday-Fall out boy, Foxes
I waited for you-Valora
Please don’t make me love you-Jeremy Roberts, Frank Wildhorn, Kate Shindle
Fair Game-Nivek Ogre, Lyndon Smith, Adam Pascal, Emilie Autumn
I am only one-We are the fallen
The willow maid-Erutan
Fading Star-Weaving the fate
In all my dreams I drown (Room 8:36)-American Murder Song
Creature of the Night-Zombie girl, Sebastian Komor of Icon of Coil
Welcome to Life-Awake at last
Monster- Stream of Passion
Warrior-Eliza Smith, Nathaniel Todd Young, Richard Tsutomu Williams, Taylor Lorraine Miranda, Tren
Kiss from a rose-Seal
Love Bites-Def Leppard
Addict-Jonathan Young, Christina Vee
scaPEGoat-SawanoHiroyuki[nZk]:Yosh
Bleed like me-Garbage
All the way/4U-Poets of the fall
Killer in the mirror-Set it off
Bottom of the River-Delta Rae
Not gonna die-Skillet
Carnivore-Starset
Hero-Skillet
My demons-Starset
Dance with the devil-Breaking Benjamin
Monster-Skillet
Alpha-Little Destroyer
Chasing Twisters-Delta Rae
End of Me-Ashes Remain
Everything Burns-Ben Moody, Anastacia
How do you love someone-Yvan and Gabriel
Skin and Bones-Marianas Trench
House on a hill-The pretty reckless
This is gonna hurt-Sixx:A.M.
The Wolf-PHILDEL
Even if it hurts-Sam Tinnesz
Bad Word-Panicland
Heal my wounds-Poets of the fall
Moments before the storm-Poets of the fall
My dark disquiet-Poets of the fall
Carnival of Rust-Poets of the fall
Breath of life-Florence + The Machine
Save me-Morandi
Better than I know myself-Adam Lambert
Runnin’-Adam Lambert
Can you hear me (Single Version)-Poets of the Fall
Dancing on Broken Glass-Poets of the fall
Lie to me (Denial)-Red
Let it burn-Red
Trip-Hedley
This is war-Thirty seconds to mars
Again-Flyleaf
Seven Devils-Florence + The Machine
No Light, No Light-Florence + The Machine
Good to you-Marianas Trench
All to Myself-Marianas Trench
Comatose-Skillet
Falling Inside the Black-Skillet
Memories-Within Temptation
All I need-Within Temptation
Frozen-Within Temptation
What have you done-Within Temptation, Keith Caputo
I caught fire-The Used
Walls could talk-Halsey
(I just) Died in your arms (Epic Trailer Version)-Hidden Citizens
Amen-Frankenstein World Premiere Cast
Courtesy Call-Thousand Foot Krutch
A little death-The neighbourhood
Emperor’s New Clothes-Panic! at the disco
Pit of Vipers-Simon Curtis
Cruel-Tori Amos
My Skin-Natalie Merchant
For the man I loved-Karliene
Tears of Blood-Karliene
The wolf and the moon-Karliene
Alone-Heart
Hopelessly Devoted to you-Olivia Newton-John
Innocence-Halestorm
My arms-LEDGER
Young and Beautiful-Eli Lieb
We won’t be falling-(Guardian theme)
The Analyst-Delta Goodrem
I want your world to turn-Heart
I hate myself for loving you-Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Dreaming wide awake-Poets of the Fall
I want you here-Plumb
Lead the fight on-She is we
Monster-Beth Crowley
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT-Loveless
Fairytale-Alexander Rybak
Words that don’t exist-Citizen Soldier
A new hope-Broken Iris
Bag of Bones-Mitski
As long as you love me-Backstreet Boys
Quit playing games with my heart-Backstreet Boys
Ashes-Celine Dion
Careless Whisper-Skillet
Dirty Thoughts-Chloe Adams
One more night-From the Ash
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Some of the most Eric-y songs ever...
"Advice for the Young at Heart" by Tears for Fears (we've got the whole wide world, within our hands...)
"Africa" by Toto (he turned at me as if to say, "Hurry, boy, it's waiting there for you...")
"Change the World" by Eric Clapton (baby, if I could, change the world...)
"Come Sail Away" by Styx ('cause I've got to be free, free to face the life that's ahead of me...)
"Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry" by Chicago (after all we've been through, I will make it up to you, I promise to...)
"Hip to be Square" by Huey Lewis and the News (I used to be a renegade, I used to fool around...)
"Home by the Sea" by Genesis (comin' out the woodwork, through the open door, pushing from above and below...)
"I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)" by Hall and Oates (I'll do anything that you want me to, but I can't go for that...)
"I Don't Care Anymore" by Phil Collins (I don't care what you say, I don't play the same games you play...)
"I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith (I could spend my life in this sweet surrender, I could stay lost in this moment forever...)
"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2 (I have scaled these city walls, these city walls, only to be with you...)
"I.G.Y" by Donald Fagen (a just machine to make big decisions, programmed by fellas with compassion and vision...)
"In My Life" by The Beatles (in my life, I love you more...)
"Juke Box Hero" by Foreigner (a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes...)
"Land of Confusion" by Genesis (and this is the world we live in, and these are the hands we're given...)
"Long Train Runnin'" by The Doobie Brothers (without love, where would you be now?)
"Misunderstanding" by Genesis (now, it's not like me to say the right thing...)
"My Little Town" by Simon and Garfunkel (I never meant nothing, I was just my father's son...)
"Nowhere Man" by The Beatles (he's a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land...)
"Peace of Mind" by Boston (people livin' in competition, all I want to have is my peace of mind...)
"Point Of Know Return" by Kansas (they say the sea turns so dark that you know it's time, you see the sign...)
"Sailing" by Christopher Cross (well, it's not far down to paradise, at least it's not for me...)
"Silly Love Songs" by Wings (some people want to fill the world with silly love songs, and what's wrong with that?)
"The End of the Innocence" by Don Henley (o' beautiful, for spacious skies, now those skies are threatening...)
"The Grand Illusion" by Styx (and deep inside, we're all the same...)
"The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics (so we open up a quarrel, between the present and the past...)
"The Logical Song" by Supertramp (when I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful...)
"The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News (the power of love, is a curious thing...)
"The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel (hello darkness, my old friend...)
"Too Much Time On My Hands" by Styx (is it any wonder that I'm crazy, is it any wonder that I'm sane at all?)
"Vienna" by Billy Joel (slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you wanna be before your time...)
"Waiting for a Girl Like You" by Foreigner (sometimes I don't know what I'll find, I only know it's a matter of time...)
"Yesterday" by The Beatles (yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...)
"You May Be Right" by Billy Joel (it just may be the lunatic you're looking for...)
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Radio NET Bulgaria (October 05, 2022)
23:59 JESSY J - Soul Kisses (Gregg Karukas feat. Jessy J)
23:55 EVERETTE HARP - Old School
23:51 BRIAN SIMPSON - One and Only
23:47 NILS - Dance With Me
23:43 MEKIEL REUBEN - That Girl Told Me
23:39 BOBBY WELLS - She's Playful
23:35 KIM SCOTT - Emerge (Feat. Jonathan Fritzen)
23:31 DARRIUS JAMAR - Bounce Back
23:27 JULIAN VAUGHN - Time Is Now
23:23 ALTHEA RENE - Let Me Love You
23:18 DERRICK HARVIN - When You Say
23:13 ALEX FALDIN - Cold Wind
23:09 JAREZ - Lil Jazzy
23:04 BOBBY LYLE - Living In The Flow
22:58 PROJECT BLUE SUN - Ibiza Zouk (Sunny Mix)
22:52 SMOOTH DELUXE - Wonderful Micronesia
22:47 SYNTHETICSAX - Beach (Dj Rostej Remix Chillout Dreams)
22:41 RUSLAN-SET, V.RAY - The Voice of Star (Union Sense Remix)
22:37 PIANOCHOCOLATE - Les Souvenirs (Original Mix)
22:33 MENZI - Zug nach nirgendwo
22:25 EUPHONIC TRAVELLER - Crescent bay (original mix)
22:21 SOUND BEHAVIOUR - Arena
22:17 THE UNDERDOG PROJECT - Summer Jam (Unplugged)
22:12 SHAUN ESCOFFERY - Into the Blue (Mark de Clive
22:05 KITARO - A passage of life
21:59 DINKA - Magnolia (Original Mix)
21:55 THOMAS LEMMER - Through My Father's Eyes
21:51 SYLVERING - Just an Illusion
21:46 VIVIAN LACOSTE - Clair Del Mar
21:41 REUNITED - Sing It Back (Shazz Man Chill Mix)
21:39 INNA - Hot (Chill Out Remix)
21:32 COASTLINE - Adriatic Sea (Lounge Cafe Chillout Del Mar Mix)
21:27 KENNY FONTANA - U R The Sun (Toni Rivera Mix)
21:22 MICHAEL E - Promise
21:17 ANDAIN - You Once Told Me
21:11 JOSEPHINE SINCLAR - Paradise Deluxe
21:06 ALBERT ST. BARTH - Sabor Do Lounge
21:03 METAHARMONIKS - Doors
20:59 LEO ROJAS - The last ot the Mohicans
20:54 MANDALAY - Beautiful (7'' Canny mix)
20:49 MARTINIQUE LE SOUFFLEUR - El Guapo
20:45 JENS BUCHERT - Polaris (JB feat. Shine)
20:40 351 LAKE SHORE DRIVE - Summernights
20:34 JES - Heaven (Orange Project del Sol Interpretation)
20:29 BLANK & JONES - Coming Home (Afterlife Mix)
20:24 ATB - Still Here
20:18 LA CAINA - I Gotta Know Now
20:14 LAZY HAMMOCK - Star
20:09 GUENTER HAAS - Secret Diary
20:06 JAMES BUTLER - Coastline
20:00 CLAUDE CHAGALL - Sunset Buddha
19:54 ADELE - Skyfall (Skerdi M & Angelo DownTempo)
19:48 YOGEE, TWEET, MISSY ELLIOT - Thugman (Lounge remix 2011)
19:45 VINTAGE - Eva (Roman B & Vova Baggage Slow Mix)
19:40 ZETANDEL - Glowing Spots (Original Mix)
19:36 WILLIAM FITZSIMMONS - Psychasthenia
19:30 VECHIGEN - No Fear (Summer Vibes Chill Mix)
19:24 VLAD ZHUKOV - Nothing (W&D Chill Out Vocal Mix)
19:17 AMBITUS - Answers
19:13 OCEAN DRIVE, DJ ORISKA - Without You (Acoustic Version)
19:10 KATO, JON - Turn The Lights Off (Bullytrax Campfire Mix)
19:06 KIRSTY HAWKSHAW, TENISHIA - Reason To Forgive (Piano Mix)
19:02 MATT DAREY, STAN KOLEV, AELYN - Follow You (Acoustic Version)
18:57 NUAGE, N4M3 - Sunday Morning (Original Mix)
18:53 NITIN SAWHNEY - Breathing Light
18:49 LOWLAND - Children (Orchestral Version)
18:42 LERRY MULLER, ANETTA GRANT - Dreaming (Original)
18:38 LIVING ROOM - Teneriffe 07
18:35 MODJO - Lady (Acoustic Version)
18:30 MIGUEL LARA - Oblivion
18:26 MR. SPECIAL - Aren't You Clever (CJ Alex Chillout Remix)
18:23 MARIUS NEDELCU, RED HEAD - Rain (Acoustic Version)
18:19 MANDEL TURNER - Come Into My Life
18:13 LOUNGAHOLIC - Careless Whisper
18:10 MOBY - Porcelain
18:05 LUIGI LUSINI - I'll Be Home (Original Mix)
18:01 MAX MILLION - Do You Believe (Original Mix)
17:57 MARCELA MANGABEIRA - Don't Stop The Music (Lounge Version)
17:54 JOEL HIRSCH, ROXANNE EMERY - Neon Dreams (Cinematic Version)
17:50 MAKIS ABLIANITIS - Love Secret
17:46 LIULA - Sweet Dreams
17:43 MARIO BASANOV VIDIS, JAZZU - Give It A Try
17:39 MIA LEMAR - Colourful Life (Photo In Lounge Remix)
17:34 MARC PUIG, MARIA COLLADO - To Forget Me
17:28 SIMON LE GREC - Decisions (Delor Mix)
17:23 MEHMET CEMAL YESILCAY - You And I
17:19 MAZELONOSTRA - Twilight Room (Spanish Edit)
17:14 MARGA SOL - Prayer For Love (Soul Avenue's Balearic Blues Mix)
17:10 NIK LLOYD - Number 1 (Acoustic Cover)
17:06 SIMON G - Crazy (original Mix)
17:03 NURKO, AUTREY - So Far Gone
17:00 LOST FREQUENCIES, FLYNN - Recognise (Acoustic Version)
16:55 DEE LUCAS - Dollar Bill
16:51 AL DEGREGORIS - No Holding Back (Feat. Nils)
16:47 AL GOMEZ - For Sure
16:41 OLI SILK - Steppin' Out
16:37 TIM BOWMAN - Love Forever More
16:33 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - March On (Feat. Jeff Lorber)
16:29 SEAN U - Electrify
16:24 STEVE COLE - Looking Up
16:21 SHAWN RAIFORD - Magic Man
16:17 BOBBY WELLS - End of Summer
16:13 GREGG KARUKAS - Daylight
16:09 DARRIUS JAMAR - Heaven
16:04 NELSON RANGELL - Clutch
15:59 DERRICK HARVIN - Gone
15:54 BOBBY LYLE - What Kind Of World
15:49 BRIAN SIMPSON - From the Hip (feat. Chuck Loeb)
15:45 JEANETTE HARRIS - Groovin'
15:41 JAREZ - Its Over
15:37 BLAKE AARON - Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing (feat. Kim Scott)
15:33 ALTHEA RENE - Inner Circle
15:29 ALEX FALDIN - Hand Claps
15:25 AL DEGREGORIS - All Over The Place (Feat. Eric Marienthal)
15:20 AL GOMEZ - Sip Thy Wine
15:16 JACKIEM JOYNER - Southside Boulevard
15:12 JULIAN VAUGHN - Ecstasy
15:08 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Tonight Is the Night
15:03 TIM BOWMAN - Columbus,Ga
14:58 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Emotions
14:54 MARION MEADOWS - Andalusian Sunset
14:49 BOBBY LYLE - Spirit Song
14:45 LOUIE FITZGERALD - Jukin' and Jivin'
14:40 DERRICK HARVIN - Another Day in Paradise
14:36 BRIAN SIMPSON - Bonita
14:32 JAREZ - Slow Motion
14:28 BOBBY WELLS - Oooh Baby
14:24 NICK COLIONNE - It's Gonna Be Alright
14:20 DARRIUS JAMAR - My Everything
14:17 DEON YATES - First Day of Summer
14:12 ADAM HAWLEY - Shuffle (Feat. Darren Rahn)
14:08 BONEY JAMES - Sunset Boulevard
14:04 ALTHEA RENE - Barbara Mae
13:59 AL DEGREGORIS - Follow Your Dreams
13:54 FREDDIE FOX - Sensual
13:50 JC SOL - Our Groove
13:46 KENNY NIGHTINGALE - My Saxophone
13:42 JULIAN VAUGHN - Ride Along
13:38 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Waiting For You
13:35 ALEX FALDIN - Throwback Vacations
13:32 JUSTIN KLUNK - Dive
13:27 BOBBY LYLE - Living In The Flow
13:23 RANDY MULLER BOOM CHANG BANG - Sunnyside Up
13:20 LOUIE FITZGERALD - Through the Rain
13:15 AL GOMEZ - Catchin' a Vibe
13:11 BRIAN SIMPSON - So Many Ways
13:07 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - Loving 2
13:02 DERRICK HARVIN - From Here
12:58 JAREZ - Mr. Sexy Saxy
12:53 JACKIEM JOYNER - Beautiful Seduction
12:48 MARION MEADOWS - Magic Men
12:45 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Force
12:42 BOBBY WELLS - My Sweet Butterfly
12:37 STEVE COLE - Neo Sol
12:31 EUGE GROOVE - Chillaxin
12:26 GREGG KARUKAS - Believe in Me
12:21 CHRIS STANDRING - Fat Tuesday
12:17 BRAD ALEXANDER - Yearning for Your Love
12:14 AL DEGREGORIS - Sunnyside
12:09 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - After Hours
12:06 LOUIE FITZGERALD - Keepin' the Groove On
12:02 FREDDIE FOX - So Much Love
11:57 BRIAN SIMPSON - A Soft Touch
11:52 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - In the Mood
11:48 MARCUS ANDERSON - Mel-Ow Mood
11:44 JULIAN VAUGHN - Sunday
11:39 DERRICK HARVIN - This Time Around
11:35 JAREZ - Around The World
11:30 THE SMOOTH JAZZ ALLEY - EBF
11:25 MARION MEADOWS - Celebration Road
11:21 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Jubilee
11:17 CHRIS STANDRING - Living the Poetry
11:11 BOBBY WELLS - Bella's Pier
11:06 JOE MCBRIDE, THE TEXAS RHYTHM CLUB - Morning In A Distant Land
11:01 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Nobody But You (Feat. Billy Mondragon Of DW3)
10:58 LOUIE FITZGERALD - Thinkin' Back on When
10:53 JEFF KASHIWA - Back To Love
10:49 BRIAN SIMPSON - When I Found You
10:42 MARCUS ANDERSON - Give Love (Feat. Anthony Saunders)
10:38 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - On the Move
10:34 TIM BOWMAN - Flyin Away
10:29 DAVE BRADSHAW JR. - Set Me Free
10:25 PIECES OF A DREAM - Steppers ''D'' Lite
10:21 J. WHITE - Mr. Nugroove
10:17 NAJEE - Happiness (A Felicidade)
10:13 LOWELL HOPPER - See the Light
10:08 DERRICK HARVIN - Colombiana
10:04 DARREN RAHN - Duplicity
10:00 JAREZ - Together Forever
09:57 JOYCE COOLING - Coasting
09:53 NORMAN BROWN - Keep The Faith
09:49 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Feelin' Good
09:45 MARION MEADOWS - Last Ticket To Somewhere
09:41 CAROL ALBERT - Love Again
09:37 LOUIE FITZGERALD - When I Look into Your Eyes
09:33 MARCUS ANDERSON - Backseat Drivers (Feat. Adam Hawley)
09:28 JULIAN VAUGHN - Waymans Way
09:23 BRIAN SIMPSON - Mystical
09:20 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - Happy Cause I'm Going Home
09:15 PIECES OF A DREAM - Give U My Heart
09:11 NAJEE - Modern Lovers
09:07 JIM ADKINS - Turning Point
09:06 TONY SAUNDERS - Uptown Jazz
08:55 TIM BOWMAN - Friends
08:51 BOBBY WELLS - Tee It Up
08:45 CHRIS GODBER - Chips 'n' Salsa
08:42 LOWELL HOPPER - No Turning Back
08:40 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Give And Take
08:30 NATE WHITE - Ducie's Groove
08:19 MARCUS ANDERSON - Let's Not Wait (Feat. Nicholas Cole)
08:19 DANNY LERMAN - You Take My Breath Away
08:04 NAJEE - Dr. Dolittle
07:59 PIECES OF A DREAM - Fired Up
07:54 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - I Want Her
07:51 KIM SCOTT - Best Part
07:46 TIM BOWMAN - Glory to Glory
07:42 RHODA GRAHAM - Finally
07:37 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Poppa J
07:32 DEE LUCAS - The Grady Curve
07:28 LOWELL HOPPER - Affection
07:23 JEFF KASHIWA - Hyde Park (The 'Ah, Oooh' Song)
07:19 UNDER THE LAKE - Bridgetown
07:16 WARREN HILL - Play That Funky Music (White Boy)
07:11 MARION MEADOWS - Mother Earth
07:07 OLI SILK - Meet Me In The Middle
07:03 MARCUS ANDERSON - Understanding (Feat. Brian Culbertson)
06:58 NAJEE - Savoir Faire
06:54 DONN BYNUM - Because I'm Feeling You
06:49 SEAN U - Second Wind
06:43 PIECES OF A DREAM - Feelin' Good
06:38 BRIAN SIMPSON - Sunlit Sea
06:33 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - Susie Mae
06:30 SHAWN RAIFORD - It Feels so Nice
06:25 NELSON RANGELL - Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing
06:21 HANK BILAL - Perfect Harmony
06:17 JEFF KASHIWA - Thanks To You
06:13 ZOLBERT - A Song for You
06:09 TIM BOWMAN - Just Another Day
06:04 KIM WATERS - Nightfall
05:59 ZACH BRIDGES - These Hands
05:54 NAJEE - Isla Hermosa
05:51 MARION MEADOWS - Dream Catcher
05:46 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Time Marches On
05:42 MARCUS ANDERSON - Limited Edition (Feat. Steven J. Collins )
05:38 LOWELL HOPPER - Resurgence
05:34 JEANETTE HARRIS - Night Jam
05:29 PIECES OF A DREAM - Gettin' Through It
05:25 DANIEL CHIA - Cali Style
05:21 DONN BYNUM - Mercy Mercy Me (feat. Lew Laing Jr.)
05:18 ADRIAN CRUTCHFIELD - Morning After
05:12 STEVE COLE - Toronto
05:09 BRIAN SIMPSON - Whisper To Me
05:04 JEFF KASHIWA - Show Me Love
05:00 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - Hip Hug
04:55 EUGE GROOVE - Take You Higher
04:50 NAJEE - Bounce
04:46 GREGG KARUKAS - Coyote Party
04:42 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Better Days Ahead feat. Jeff Pescetto
04:38 KIM SCOTT - I'm Every Woman (feat. Althea Rene & Ragan Whiteside)
04:34 MARION MEADOWS - Life In The Clouds
04:30 ZACH BRIDGES - Yonder
04:26 BRAD ALEXANDER - A Matter of Time
04:20 MARCUS ANDERSON - Dandelion
04:16 PIECES OF A DREAM - Going Home
04:12 ZOLBERT - On My Way
04:08 TIM BOWMAN - Heart & Soul
04:03 BALANCE9 - 110 at Night
03:59 JEFF KASHIWA - Something About You
03:54 NICK COLIONNE - Whatcha Gonna Do
03:51 JACKIEM JOYNER - Don't Make Her Wait
03:46 NAJEE - Hurricane
03:41 DONN BYNUM - Our Turn to Dance (feat. Paul Jackson Jr.)
03:37 BRIAN SIMPSON - What I'm Waiting For
03:33 LOWELL HOPPER - Ever Lasting
03:29 WALTER BEASLEY - She Can't Help It
03:24 ADAM HAWLEY - Detroit
03:20 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Bittersweet
03:16 MARION MEADOWS - Real Time
03:12 DANIEL DOMENGE - Between Your Hands
03:08 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - 102 Degree
03:03 BONEY JAMES - You Can Count on Me
02:59 PIECES OF A DREAM - It's A Vibe
02:54 FRANK MCCOMB - Movin' In Traffic (For Russell Ferrante and George Duke) .
02:50 MARCUS ANDERSON - Can I Come Over
02:46 JEFF KASHIWA - Mediterranean Nights
02:42 JASON PETERSON DELAIRE - Check Please (feat. Chris Camozzi)
02:39 NAJEE - Luna
02:35 DANIEL CHIA - Say You Will
02:31 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Tell Me Why (Feat. Paul Brown)
02:27 BALANCE9 - Sway
02:23 MICHAEL SILVERMAN, ERIC MARIENTHAL - In These Times
02:20 ADRIAN CRUTCHFIELD - Now I See
02:16 ZOLBERT - Smile
02:12 AL DEGREGORIS - Time Sensitive
02:08 WALTER BEASLEY - Lovely Day
02:04 PHIL DENNY - Around the Block
01:59 TIM BOWMAN - Happiness Is
01:55 THREESTYLE - Missing You
01:52 FREDDIE FOX - Feelin' It
01:48 MARION MEADOWS - Invisible
01:44 FRANK MCCOMB - Cha Cha (For Ramsey Lewis)
01:40 LOWELL HOPPER - Change of Seasons
01:36 JASON PETERSON DELAIRE - After Hours
01:32 NAJEE - Bottom To The Top
01:27 JEFF KASHIWA - 3
01:22 THE SMOOTH JAZZ ALLEY - Smooth Jazz Alley
01:18 PIECES OF A DREAM - Livin' The Life
01:14 BRIAN SIMPSON - All That Matters
01:10 MARCUS ANDERSON - Will Power
01:05 JAREZ - Just Can't Wait
01:01 JAZZ IN PINK - Positivity
00:57 PHIL DENNY - Lifted
00:53 FRANK SUTTON - Its Gonna Be A Lovely Day
00:48 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Huggy Bear
00:44 VANN BURCHFIELD - I'm Holding On
00:40 WALTER BEASLEY - Barack's Groove
00:36 THE SAX PACK - Back In Style
00:32 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Now Or Never
00:29 ZOLBERT - Frappe
00:25 BLAKE AARON - Dreamland
00:21 JASON PETERSON DELAIRE - Nightcap (feat. Chris Camozzi)
00:16 NAJEE - Valentine Love
00:12 FRANK MCCOMB - Just Ride (For George Duke)
00:07 JEFF KASHIWA - The Good Life
00:03 TIM BOWMAN - Watchout
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Alexander Courage: Star Trek - From The Original Pilots: "The Cage" & "Where No Man Has Gone Before" (GNP-Crescendo, 1985)
Tracklist:
Star Trek "The Cage"
A1 Star Trek Theme (Main Title)
A2 Doctor Bartender
A3 Survivors
A4 Prime Specimen
A5 Bottled
A6 Probed
A7 Monster Illusion
A8 Monster Fight
A9 The Kibitzers
A10 Vena's Punishment
A11 Pike's Punishment
A12 Picnic
A13 True Love
A14 Vena's Dance
A15 Torchy Girl
B1 Under The Spell
B2 Primitive Thoughts
B3 Wrong Think
B4 To Catch A T.
B5 Going Up
B6 Max's Factor
B7 Star Trek Theme (End Title)
Star Trek "The Cage" and "Where No Man Has Gone Before"
B8 Main Title
B9 Star Date
B10 Episode Titles
B11 Force Field
B12 Silvery Orbs
B13 Crippled Chip
B14 Speedy Reader
B15 Hit The Button
B16 On Delta-Vega
B17 When Your Eyes Have Turned To Silver
B18 Instant Paradise
B19 End Title And Credits
B20 Additional Credits
Credits:
Composed By, Conductor – Alexander Courage
Executive Producer – Neil Norman
Cover, Design – Ed Francis
Engineer – Jim McMahon, Bob Margouleff
Supervised By – Wilbur Hatch
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Light Purple Endroll by cosMo@bousouP feat. Camui Gackpo, Kagamine Rin, and Megurine Luka
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Cover finished May 13th, 2023, video finished August 29th, 2023, posted to YouTube on January 5th, 2024
Weee more Star Girl and the Illusion Paradise, Rin is singing here as a reference to Evillious Chronicles /silly
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A CONCERT SIX MONTHS FROM NOW
TW: Death, depression
“I'm a slave to my emotions, to my likes, to my hatred of boredom, to most of my desires.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise
I’ve gotten used to how hushed promises whispered that clouded skies would soon be covered by a blanket of white flakes, like tales of disappointment and desires that filled with life’s dualities. The air turned crisp from the touch of the first frost, creating a tapestry of black stars that painted stories of galaxies and dreams. I could hear faint cries echoing in the silent night, chasing midnight’s breath.
Perhaps, in the end, I’ve turned prisoner in this slow dance to a most sorrowful death. The vicarious starvation clung to me like a delirious melody between stars and constellations in the sky. Nightmares have a clever way of keeping me from surrendering to tiredness; each breath I take became a departure from the very mortality I had been seeking. Instead, I find myself trapped beneath the weight of this lifeless illusion, yearning for a glimmer of hope.
The sound of glass shattering had become familiar, as my mother’s cries enveloped me in her distress, baring her soul to me as she fell apart at the seams. Sweet and endearing, yet too cruel for her own good, she had painted me as the martyr, deluding me into believing I was the savior steering the course to my personal doom. But I was nothing more than entangled within her intricate strings.
In the stillness, both body and mind succumbed to the somber haze of sanctified air, as her silhouette emerged like a ghost in the wind. A devilish creature turning sweet dreams into fragile whispers. The strong scent of decaying flowers in springtime concealed the notion of death my mother left behind, petals fallen across cold cement floors. Her laugh was like a bloody mirage — A haunting sonnet, orchestrating nostalgic reveries from when I was young. But her ignorance and youth got the best of her, my mother. I thought by autumn, I’d resigned myself to the guilt and betrayal she left behind in her wake. As December embraced its first snowfall, darkness loomed over every one of us, strands of detrimental haze ruining our paths.
“You don't want to make a scene,” My mother punctuated each word softly, as the afterglow from the living room cast a shadow over our heads. Autumn’s golden, crisp leaves hid the harsh aroma of death, her stern tone reminding the heavy rain that follows the changing hues of mid-October. “Please, Mother, if a scene was what you were avoiding, then perhaps you wouldn't have fucked the bellhop in the supply closet like a dirty, little whore.”
“Darling, how does it feel, to be nothing but a disappointment?”
I confess. I’m a pagan for the good times, beneath the cosmic illusion of anticipation. An envelope of catastrophe that hardly existed before. But words are like daggers to the heart when there is nowhere left to escape to — nowhere except a labyrinthine garden of death, separated by taunting whispers and closed doors in the night. Isolated by hearts where once-vibrant flowers now withered amidst the changing seasons.
Her abrasive shadow cast itself as a moth to a now broken flame. “You’re such a Goddamn fool, Elliott,” She slurred after a few too many glasses of whiskey, causing a glass sculpture my father bought at an Upper West Side auction to collapse, the sound reverberating through Mother’s annual Christmas party. She had always been mine to lose – A dead girl walking. Deep down, I wished to put her out of her depraved misery just this once. Then I could prevent myself from any defiled agony. Perhaps of all the hushed lullabies, the ones I told her were my deepest regrets.
Hope is a myth in this bed I made just for me. I slip further into my subconscious, the taste of guilt and decay lingering on my tongue. I caused these shattered delusions, a promise of panic and disillusionment.
Dreams can easily be disguised as nightmares if we surrender our minds to them. The mind’s detachment can lead to unspeakable things when you least expect them to. Yet, she continued to haunt my dreams, even long after her passing. I tried to drown in a kaleidoscope of snow-draped pine that decorated the wintry winds – Self-destruction and ill-fated misery. A cruel creature of habit. Yet, the envelope of fading flower petals brought a perpetual coldness, a consequence of my impudence. Violent terrors returned, shortly after the weight of reality took hold. I was no angel myself; I was the product of my mother’s cries for help.
Leaves wore a fresh coat of white frost, while bare trees hung icicles as though they have grown weary after a long day’s work. A moment when the forest fire has departed, and there is a rebirth of hopeful festivities.
“Elliott, wake up, it smells of snow.”
I awake on the edge of delirium, breaking free from an eternal dance with death in my dreams. Hands soaked in blood, the taste of guilt and decay lingered as illusions of muffled gunfire that felt an awful lot like a bad dream. I’d managed to keep my mind at bay until then, chasing the midnight air forever as if it was to be the final breath I’d take. Her blood spilled stains the tile floor, corrupting the air with a metallic scent. Red bloodshot eyes burned from the glare of flashing lights when I took a deep breath. A stranger in the eyes of the beholder.
I stood up, finding myself trapped in the confines of these four walls. I ruffled through the printed pages of my sins, before sprinting outside where I was greeted by the white skyline and the smell of snow – this season I used to call home. Memories of snow angels and Upper West Side dreams enveloped me, a reality that had become a nightmare. Yet still, it was mine.
“Elliott, what the hell are you doing?” The sound of a woman’s voice is engraved in my mind, gradually harping off to a cross dissolve. I stared out the front door, the coldness seeping through my flared-up nostrils in surprise when the blackness consumed me. “It’s not even Christmas morning yet. Don’t you want to open your presents?”
I don’t remember there being laughter or Mother’s angel wings. It was the first snowfall of the season, a mere pull of autumnal grace that had allowed winter to begin. And all I remember is how she cried in vain.
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My dear;
I met you at the precise moment when I had lost faith, illusions, and the enchantment in everything around me. I was in a state of resignation to anything, thinking I was impenetrable, and believing that no rock could break my soul, which had already turned into a piece of metal. Then you came along, captivating me from the very beginning. You became the escape from the gray world and the ticket to a paradise filled with colors. I had never felt so lost as in your beautiful and bright blue eyes, nor in those finely sculpted lips, or your soft hair, or your warm hands.
I want you to know that without you, I am worth nothing, because if you leave, you take several pieces of my heart with you. With you goes the strength and support I used to have; by your side, I am a man who cries, regrets, and is lost in your gaze. By your side, I am nothing more than weak and frustrated emotions. You are like waking up on a sunny day without alarms or deadlines, like walking barefoot on the beach, like sitting to watch a sunset.
It seems strange to me that you haven't realized that beauty resides in you, that you are the embodiment of perfection in my eyes, that you are a fantasy, a utopia. You are unattainable, incomparable, and unmatched. You are the kind of girl everyone would want to have and the envy of those other women, gray and senseless. You are everything I've always wanted and wouldn't trade for anything. If I ever let you go, it was a mistake, perhaps the biggest mistake I've made in my life. I wish to make amends and also mend you. Amidst a plane full of stars, you are the biggest and brightest, the only company to my lonely moon, and surely the guiding star that led me to become who I am.
You are and will always be the most beautiful flower in an entire garden, the brightest star in the entire sky, and above all, the most important in my heart.
To me, you are sacred, and I have venerated you for a long time, and I will continue to do so until the end of my days
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+ SUPER SOLDIER SAILOR STARS * _) _) >>C===3 :-* Kawaii Slash Lovers Collide Cosmic Paradise // Sailormoon/Pokémon/Potterverse Altfic Crossover, INTERMISSION
Emma Watson is a beautiful actress, but she’s not Hermione, thinks Ami, affording herself a single piece of popcorn like a woman unknown to time. How’s that possible? thinks Shingo, waiting for the trailer. Every movie in Crystal Tokyo goes on forever, even the bad ones. His boyfriend says there are no bad movies. He remembers that’s true, but he’s homeless in Crystal Tokyo and his sister’s the Empress, so what does her husband know?
Boyfriends are good people, thinks Ami, smiling in her dream. But at the cinema, she’s rapt. At the cinema, she’s thinking. Michiru should be here with me at the aquarium, not Shingo. I hate his body. It’s unpropelled.
“Are you more of a C3PO or a Princess Leia?” asks Shingo. “Personally, I was built for sin,” he says, wiggling his brow. What eyes he has. What ears.
Shingo hears.
"Look how beautiful you are," says Shingo the sad weary hairdresser, thinking with his bikini line. "That's why you got the guy and I'm stuck with a boyfriend. Never mind. I'm fine. Let's just watch the trailers in uncooperative silence. Star Wars. Goop. Wing. Batphone. Pedometer. Sneeze. Hai."
Ami says hi back, but it's too late, nothing happens, and the sky darkens, and the commercials come on, and Shingo's digging in her popcorn, spilling it all over, and she feels his hand on her thigh, and she wonders loudly if he's a mathematician, too, or just precocious like a fiend seeking a deity. Not a fiend, says Crystal Shingo, appearing on the television. A fink. A find. A tragedy. Swallow water, superhero.
Hey, haven't we seen this movie before? This is the one where the girl goes limp in the monster's arms. She loves that monster, she says, and he would know. Let's all take a breather. God bless the Emperor and his Bride. Eternal Usagi incarnate. Boo, teehee, throw popcorn. Ganymede lives, Peeves the spirit haunting the pages, and that's the best part, the part that didn't make it into the movie. Shining Aqua Illusion, Incapacitate.
Shingo darkens, deepens, survives. And they hold hands in the dark of the theater. In the dark of the star. In the eye of the needle. And proper eyes move wholly undetected, says Shingo, in all seriousness, and he's not afraid of his henshin stick, not afraid of foul god Artemis, and why didn't we invite Mina to see this movie? And oh yeah, it's because we're in love.
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