#Sorry the list is probably incomprehensable

[pushing500]

Sorry if this has been asked before, or if you've already shown it, but could you share your mod list?

I sure can! However, due to my technological ineptness and inability to figure out how to export a proper fancy crisp mod list, this list has been hand-typed with my own brief and probably unhelpful descriptions of what each mod does (if I can remember or comprehend it, that is).

There are about 180 mods, give or take, so it's a long list. I'll pop it under here for anybody who wants to check them out:

This is in the current load order

Harmony (a framework one I think)

Vanilla Backgrounds Expanded (this is just cool for loading screens etc.)

HugsLib (I think this is also framework one)

JecsTools (I think this is also framework one)

Vanilla Expanded Framework (I'm near-certain this is a framework one, based on the name)

A Dog Said… Animal Prosthetics (animal bionics wooo)

LBE’s A Dog Said Easy Patcher (to add bionic compatibility with all the modded animals woooo)

Better ModMismatch Window (for if I do ever feel the need to mess with the modlist)

RT Fuse (I don’t like the zzzzt events)

[GMT] Trading Spot (to stop stupid traders walking in my house)

[NL] Facial Animation - WIP (they make funny faces :3) 

Let’s Have a Cat! (I like cats)

Humanoid Alien Races (Aliens are cool)

Tree People (Continued) (because non-human colonists are awesome)

[ATW] House Decor (for aesthetic purposes)

Little Green Men - Legacy (Aliens are cool)

Vanilla Backstories Expanded (adds new and fun backstories for colonists)

Vanilla Animals Expanded (I insist on having a huge selection of pets)

Vanilla Animals Expanded - Royal Animals (more pets heehee)

More Persona Traits (this is why Xanxalbur the persona zeushammer is so cool)

Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Dryads (more gauranlen tree stuff)

Vanilla Base Generation Expanded (makes enemy bases on caravan trips more fun)

Vanilla Achievements Expanded (sometimes it gives me a serotonin)

Vanilla Races Expanded - Custom Icons (good for xenotypes and biotech stuff)

Dubs Bad Hygiene (bathrooms cool)

Hospitality (easy to make friends with other factions if you run a hotel)

Android Tiers Reforged (heehoo robots cool)

[AP] Lovin’ Reworked (Irwin and Connie are both AWFUL in bed, if you were curious 😳)

Vanilla Races Expanded - Phytokin (magic tree people very fun)

Vanilla Races Expanded - Saurid (dinosaur people wooooo!)

Vanilla Fishing Expanded (a good way to keep Wookshys distracted)

ReGrowth: Core (I don’t remember what this does but the thumbnail is cool and I assume it’s a framework mod)

Vanilla Plants Expanded (more farm stuff hooray!)

Vanilla Textures Expanded - [NL] Facial Animation (why my colonists have such cute lil’ faces)

Vanilla Plants Expanded - More Plants (even MORE farm stuff!!)

Vanilla Persona Weapons Expanded (more skins for persona weapons- another reason Xanxalbur the persona zeushammer is so awesome)

Vanilla Nutrient Paste Expanded (mmmmm yummy goo)

More Descriptive Words and Names (adds more descriptive words and names)

Ebbbs (horrible eldritch goo creatures my beloved)

Floordrawings (adds more floordrawings for kids to draw)

Horse Breeds - Skin Variations (horses very fun!!)

Vanilla Hair Retextured (helps vanilla hair look a bit nicer)

Trait and Backstory Icons (gives traits and backstories cute lil’ icons next to ‘em)

Geological Landforms (cool new map gens)

Biome Transitions (if your map tile is next to a different biome they can mix together at the edges)

Cactacae (Continued) (because non-human colonists are awesome)

NamesGalore (adds new names for people and stuff)

NamesGaloreLatin (adds new names for people and stuff but in Latin this time) 

Character Editor (I wanted to start with at least one animakin colonist)

Vanilla Animals Expanded - Caves (I have a pet cave bear now called Witch)

Strong Bridge (makes bridges strong)

Roo’s Dreadlock Hairstyles (Irwin’s hair is from this one)

[SBV] Recreational Drum Use (I like drums and so would my colonists if they had them)

River’s Tribal Shoes (don’t want to get prickles in your feet)

Romance on The Rim (they have to get their daily smooches or they’ll be sad)

Pawn Name Variety (I like them to have lots of different name options)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Architect (adds new building stuff)

Camera+ (for taking better screenshots)

Vanilla Cooking Expanded (expands the cooking)

Vanilla Psycasts Expanded (expands the psycasts)

Biomes! Core (the framework for more biomes mods)

Biomes! Islands (in case I wanted to reenact the movie Castaway)

Alpha Animals (even more pets!)

Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Memes and Structures (lots of cool ideology stuff)

Simple Sidearms (every colonist needs MANY WEAPONS)

Doors Expanded (adds new doors)

A Rimworld of Magic (I don’t use this heaps in the current game but it is very cool)

Anima Gear (I could make stuff out of anima grass if I felt like doing the research for it)

Sexuality Traits (every pawn has a specific sexuality, instead of defaulting to 'straight' unless explicitly stated otherwise)

Vanilla Outposts Expanded (I could go make outpost camps if I wanted)

CM Color Coded Mood Bar (helpful for spotting incoming mental breaks)

Avoid Friendly Fire (you think they would be smart enough to know not to walk in front of the guns but noooo)

Vanilla Brewing Expanded (alcohol woo)

Vanilla Brewing Expanded - Coffees and Teas (coffee and tea woo)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Power (adds new power sources)

Vanilla Factions Expanded - Mechanoids (scary robots)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded (can never have too many weapons)

Vanilla Factions Expanded - Medieval (more factions to make friends with)

Giddy Up! Core (framework for riding animals)

Giddy Up! Battle Mounts (ride animals into battle)

Giddy Up! Ride and Roll (ride animals around doing daily tasks)

Giddy Up! Caravans (ride animals on caravan trips)

Megafauna (biiiiiig pets!!)

Vanilla Plants Expanded - Succulents (for making the colony look pretty)

Biomes! Prehistoric (dinosaurs :3)

Vanilla Genetics Expanded (I don’t use this a lot but re-reading the description makes me think I should because it looks like a lot of fun)

Vanilla Genetics Expanded - More Lab Stuff (presumably adds “more lab stuff” to the aforementioned mod)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Security (more defense stuff)

[FSF] Complex Jobs (Legacy Version) (splits jobs into smaller subsections)

Snap Out! (slap pawns out of their mental breaks)

Wall Light (wall light my beloved)

Standalone Hot Spring (geothermal power boring and ugly, hot spring FAR better use of steam geysers)

Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Splits and Schisms (the one that meant Wookshys could start his stupid sub-cult)

Allow Tool (easier to forbid and unforbid items)

Minify Everything (sometimes picking up whole sections of brick wall is okay)

Replace Stuff (so I can build stone walls on top of wood walls without un-freezing the freezer, etc.)

Mod Manager (I have lots of mods to manage)

Interaction Bubbles (to see what mean stuff Irwin is saying to his friends each day)

Polyamory Beds (Vanilla Edition) (tempted to use this in all my guest rooms)

Haul to Stack (so they don’t clutter the freezer with individual piles of food instead of one big pile)

Pick Up and Haul (pawns can carry more than one thing at a time)

While You’re Up / PUAH+ (pawns will carry stuff while they’re on their way to and fro)

Giddy Up! Add On: Saddles (saddles don’t do anything they just look nice)

Roo’s Royalty Hairstyles (fancy hair)

Roo’s Accessory Hairstyles (Wendy’s hair was from this mod R.I.P.)

Rainbow’s Hair Mod (I like lots of options)

ResearchPal - Forked (I’ve always played with this mod and it’s hard to adjust without it)

Tilled Soil (it’s not cheating it’s just farming)

VGP Garden Resources (it’s a lovely day on the Rimworld and you are growing uranium in your garden)

More Faction Interaction (Continued) (I wanna be friends with EVERYONE!!)

Rim of Madness - Bones (skulls for the skull throne and all that jazz)

Anthro Race (because non-human colonists are awesome)

Alpha Mythology (adds mythological creatures to the Rimworld)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Laser (adds laser weapons)

Vanilla Factions Expanded - Pirates (love me some pirates)

Alpha Biomes (can never have enough biomes)

All The “Vanilla Storytellers Expanded” mods, but I have literally never used them due to my firm standing as a Randy Random purist

Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Relics and Artifacts (adds new relics and artifacts for your ideology)

Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Icons and Symbols (easier to customise your ideology)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Heavy (adds heavy weapons)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Non-Lethal (for when you REALLY wanna recruit someone)

Erin’s Cottage Collection (everything looks so cozy ❤️)

Euglena Framework (idk mate)

Euglena Expanded - Implant (idk mate)

Vanilla Factions Expanded - Empire (adds more Empire stuff)

ReGrowth: Tropical (adds new tropical plants and stuff I think)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded (the core bit)

Vanilla Textures Expanded - Variations (I don’t want everything looking so uniform! There’s like twelve different people building the chairs; they’re gonna look different)

Vanilla Fishing Expanded - Xtra Fish (more fish to distract Wookshys)

Vanilla Textures Expanded (makes stuff look sharper and crisper)

Euglena Expanded - Euglena Xenotype (tree people go brrrr)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Props and Decor (more props and decor)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Quickdraw (adds quickdraw weapons)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Coilguns (adds coilguns)

Vanilla Factions Expanded - Settlers (like cowboys and stuff I think)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Frontier (weapons for cowboys and stuff)

Vanilla Expanded - Ideology Patches (for patching things up to Ideology I guess)

Vanilla Expanded - Royalty Patches (for patching things up to Royalty I guess)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Spacer (cool spaceship style furniture)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Medical (my hospital is VERY cool)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Tribal (adds more tribal weapons)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Makeshift (adds makeshift weapons)

Vanilla Cooking Expanded - Sushi (if my colonists weren’t mostly vegetarian we could make sushi with all the fish Wookshys catches)

Vanilla Animals Expanded - Endangered (gonna start a conservation project)

Vanilla Cooking Expanded - Stews (I don’t know I had this one installed. Are vegetarian stews a thing? Probably not)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Art (I’m something of an artist myself)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Farming (for farm furniture I guess)

Vanilla Furniture Expanded - Production (makes for very nice workshops)

Vanilla Apparel Expanded - Accessories (adds fun utility items)

Vanilla Social Interactions Expanded (new social interactions for fun and interesting storytelling)

Vanilla Factions Expanded - Insectoids (bugs. ew.)

Vanilla Factions Expanded - Vikings (adds vikings)

Vanilla Weapons Expanded - Grenades (adds more grenades)

Vanilla Traits Expanded (I love hoarding traits)

Vanilla Events Expanded (more events)

Vanilla Apparell Expanded (more clothes)

Erin’s Cat Overhaul (I like cats)

Vanilla Armour Expanded (adds more armour)

Erin’s Hairstyles - Redux (There’s never enough hairstyle variety)

Rimsenal - Hair Pack (more hairstyles lmao)

Vanilla Hair Expanded (more hair)

Gradient Hair (so your colonists can have frosted tips I guess)

Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Hats and Rags (adds new ideology clothes)

Tabula Rasa (idk mate)

What’s That Mod? (tells you what mod stuff is from. VERY USEFUL)

LightsOut (pawns turn lights off when not using them)

RPG Style Inventory Revamped (better inventory layout)

RPG Traits+ (more traits haha)

Sand Castles (colonists can build sandcastles for recreation if there happens to be sand around)

Bundle of Traits (give me ALL THE TRAITS)

More Religious Origins (more ideology stuff)

Optimisation: Meats C# Edition (all meat is just “raw meat” unless it’s specifically “human meat” or “insect meat”, so it can all be stacked together easily)

Prisoners Don’t Have Keys (they gotta bash their way out if they want to escape)

Rational Romance 2 (Continued) (more romance-y stuff)

More Ideological Words (just makes random generation a bit easier and more interesting)

Roo’s Glasses Hairstyles (Debby’s hair is from this one)

Tau Armory (my favourite WH40k faction)

Somewhere in here is also the "Toddlers" mod for when Baby Kaznove comes along, but I added it after I'd typed up the whole list, and now I don't know where it fits in. Sorry about that!)

[mybutcheredtongue]

I'll Love You 'til the Grass Around My Gravestone is Deceased

post azkaban sirius black x fem!reader

CHAPTER THIRTY (see full series list here)

warning: bit of an emotional start, sorry

October 31st, 1981

“Hey, love, are you feeling any better?”

After a lot of straining and groaning, you manage to turn your head just enough on the pillow to be able to take in the person who’s just entered the room: Sirius, your husband — and for the past two days, your servant, practically.

You sniffle, one of your nostrils completely blocked, giving a wry smile. “Not at all.” Your voice comes out raspy and it grates against the back of your throat. “I don't know what I did to deserve this but fuck I am never doing it again.”

He chuckles softly, gently stroking your hair out of your face. “Look on the bright side. At least you're not in St Mungo’s.”

“Not yet.” You blink lethargically at him, fighting the urge to drift off to sleep, sighing. “Have we gotten any trick-or-treaters?”

He raises an eyebrow, chuckling. “What are you on about?”

You raise a hand lazily, waving it about in front of him in strange explanation. “It’s a Muggle thing…kids dress up and come to the door…give them sweets…”

Sirius listens while you babble incomprehensibly about Halloween and Muggles, and places a cold wet cloth on your forehead, relieving the immense heat emanating from your skin. You breathe a sigh of relief.

“We don't have any pain relief left,” he says gently, as if he’s worried talking too loud will irritate your body even more. “I’ll pop out and get you some in a little bit.”

You shake your head vigorously, alarm bells going off in your head. “No, no, stay here. Don't leave tonight…have a bad feeling…”

“Probably because you’re sick,” he answers with an amused smile, placing a fresh box of tissues on your bedside table. “I won't be long.”

But you really do have a bad feeling, and you know it's not from the illness. You have a sinking feeling in your stomach of worry, a sense that something bad will happen tonight. You want him to stay by your side just in case.

“No, stay, Sirius, please,” you say weakly, your body betraying your brain as your eyelids get heavier and you have to fight to keep them open. “Please, don't go…something bad will happen.”

He continues stroking your hair soothingly, wiping the cloth across your forehead. “Nothing bad will happen, I promise. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You grab his arm with what little strength you have, your body aching with the movement. “Please, please don't go. I’m being serious, stay here, please…”

He stands up, tugging the covers closer to your body. “Get your rest, love. You’ll feel better when I have your medicine.”

You open your mouth to say more, but this time the words don't come out. You bring a hand to your throat, feeling it burn each time you try to say anything.

“Sirius…”

But he's gone. He's left the room and soon, as your eyelids finally shut over your eyes, you can hear the revving of his motorbike outside and the sound of him driving off into the night.

Bright light when you’re jolted awake by someone shaking you vigorously tells you it’s morning. Your eyes snap open, feeling extremely disoriented, and peer up at the unfamiliar face above you.

“Come on, get up now…”

“Huh…?” You blink, bringing a hand to your eyes and rubbing them, your head pounding. When you open them again, Barty Crouch is wide-eyed, staring back at you. In a mixture of sickness and shock, you let out a string of rattly coughs and he jerks away from you, wrinkling his nose. “Mr Crouch?”

“Get up.”

With effort, you manage to sit up against the headboard and take in your surroundings. You realise that what you had taken for the morning sun streaming in through the windows is actually just the lights in your bedroom, making you squint. Crouch isn’t the only one here — there’s about six other official-looking people — a few other Aurors you recognise from the Ministry.

What the fuck is going on? Are you dying? What was in that medicine Sirius got you?

“Mr Crouch what — what are you doing here?”

“You didn’t hear what happened, then.” He looks back at his co-workers, and they start muttering to each other conspiratorially. Can’t they just leave? Can’t they see you need rest right now? This must be a dream because if it were real Sirius would keep them out of your room.

“You’re going to have to come with us.”

“What?”

Crouch leans to say something to another man, and you manage to catch the end of his sentence: “ — no state to answer questions, we’ll have to take her in.”

You groan, reaching for the water on your nightstand and gulping the glass down. You feel sick, and you don’t know if it’s from anxiety or your flu.

“Where’s…where’s Sirius?” you say, craning your neck to look past the people in case he’s hidden behind them.

Crouch bites his lip and exchanges a glance with the workers, another set of mutterings passing around the group.

“Just…come with us, and we’ll explain everything. We’ll get you a potion for your illness.”

You look around at all the sets of eyes staring at you. One man standing near the back is glaring at you as if you’ve just killed someone.

“No, where is he?” You pull back the covers and feebly swing your legs over the side of the bed, sitting up. “Where the fuck is Sirius?”

The man who’s been glaring at you steps forward from the back of the group to speak to Crouch, though he makes no effort to hide his words. “Stop being so nice, Crouch. Let’s get this over with.”

Crouch looks down at you, frowning, as he takes in your appearance: dishevelled and in your pyjamas, nose and eyes red.

“You’ll need to get dressed.”

You stare around at them, shaking your head. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“You’ll find out. Get ready.”

“Tell me what’s going on or I’m not going anywhere.”

Crouch hisses in frustration but before he can get another word out, the angry man steps forward and produces his wand. “This isn’t a fucking tea party, Barty. Stupefy.”

When you wake, you're sitting in a chair. Blinking rapidly, you take in your surroundings: Crouch’s office. He sits across from you, hands folded in front of him as he stares at you.

“You're awake.”

You groan, your limbs stiff and sore. “Fuck — barely.”

Crouch sighs and looks behind you, and when you turn around you notice Moody standing behind you, leaning on his staff with a grim expression.

“Sir?”

Crouch pushes a tall glass of water towards you across the desk. “Have a drink.”

Your heart is pounding — what is going on? Have you done something wrong? Oh god, what about that paperwork you forgot to file last week? It was a complete accident, you just lost track of time —

“Go on.”

Nervously, you pull the glass towards your lips and gulp it down, grateful for how it soothes your throat. Oddly, you don't feel sick anymore — your headache is gone, your nose is clear and you don't feel the urge to cough and sneeze every ten seconds. They must have given you a potion while you were out. How long were you out?

Crouch waits while you drink and doesn't speak until you've finished every last drop. Then he clears his throat. “Last night, James and Lily Potter were murdered by He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.”

The monotone way he says it makes you feel like you've heard him wrong.

“What?”

“They were betrayed by their Secret-Keeper. By Sirius Black.”

You don't say anything. You can't say anything. James and Lily are dead? This can't be happening. This is just a nightmare, right? It's a horrible, terrible nightmare. There is no way that in the real world, your best friends are dead. There is no way that in reality, your best friends are dead and your husband is the reason why. Sirius would never do that, you know he would never do that — he wouldn’t even tell you anything about where they were hiding, he would never compromise their safety like that —

“Sirius Black killed Peter Pettigrew and twelve muggles in one blast.”

Wake up, wake up. This is just a nightmare. Your brain is just playing a cruel trick on you — maybe it was the medicine…yeah, that sounds about right. Potions and medicine always make your brain act funny —

“You got all that?”

“No, I – I don’t underst—”

“Harry Potter survived. No one knows how. He destroyed the Dark Lord. They are calling him ‘The Boy Who Lived’.”

This is all too much for you. You don’t understand — what does he mean James and Lily are dead? And — and Sirius is the reason why? And how could Harry survive, he’s barely a year old — it can’t be real. How could they be dead? And where is Sirius? You need to see him, you need to talk to him, you just need him right now —

Slowly, you look over your shoulder at Moody, still standing silently against his staff.

Your lip trembles and when you speak it's barely audible. “Tell me I’m dreaming. Please, please, please tell me this is a fucking dream.”

His magical eye swivels and stares back at you, studying your face. It feels like he’s analysing your face, like the answer is written on your cheeks as plain as day. There are dark, ashy bags under his eyes. His lip is cracked and split on one side, crusty with dried blood. Did he sleep at all last night? Probably not — Moody never sleeps. But this looks different, not the usual after-effects of his insomnia — it’s worse than that.

He shakes his head and your stomach lurches.

This is happening.

Crouch’s expression remains the same. “I have no tolerance for Death Eaters or anyone who aids a Death Eater in any shape or form, Mrs Black, so I am going to waste no time playing nice. Are you, or have you ever been, a part of the Dark Lord’s following?”

“No.”

The answer comes out of you before you can think — you barely even register the question in your head before your mouth is blurting out the word — oddly monotone for your current state: trembling from head to toe, trying your best not to vomit, eyes stinging.

“Did you know of your husband’s involvement with the Dark Lord?”

“No.”

Again, you don’t even realise what he’s asking when the word falls out of your mouth. It’s like you have no control over what you’re saying at all.

“What — what the fuck — “

“Did you ever cover for Sirius when he was spying for the Dark Lord?”

“No.” You stop, hissing in frustration. “No, no — Sirius, he — he wasn’t a Death Eater, he isn’t a Death Eater, he would never — “

“He is,” Crouch says. “Whether you knew it or not, he has been working with the Dark Lord for quite some time now.”

You shake your head, unable to stop yourself from crying. “N-no, no…Sirius was James’s best friend, they were like b-brothers — he would never sell them out like that —”

“Then how did the Dark Lord find out where the Potters were hiding?” Crouch says sharply. “No one knew that information but Sirius. No one was able to reveal that information but him —”

“No,” you sob. “No, no, no, no, no —”

“The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on.” Though his words might seem sympathetic and comforting to some, he says them with little to no sympathy whatsoever.

“There must be a mistake,” you sniffle, skin burning from the tears streaming down your cheeks. “That’s not what happened, Sirius, he — he was just gone to the shop —”

A hand comes to rest on your shoulder. “There were witnesses. They saw him kill Pettigrew and those Muggles.”

You shake your head, sobbing. “No, no, no, no, no! T-that’s not what happened, that can’t be what h-happened —”

“Have you ever acted on orders given to you by the Dark Lord, or any of his followers?”

“No.”

Your hand flies to your throat instinctively, as if there’s something wrapped around it that you want to release, and you stare back at Crouch, the light on his desk pulsing in the corner of your eye. Your eyes wander to your empty glass on the desk.

“Did you — d-did you give me fuck — fucking truth serum?”

A vein bulges in his neck, his lip twitching. “Of course I did. Did you expect me to just take everything you say as truth? You’re married to a Death Eater.”

A million different emotions are coursing through you. You feel like getting sick. “Sirius isn’t a Death Eater, he isn’t — and I’ll p-prove it to you, let me show you his arm, he doesn’t have the m-mark —”

“That is no surprise. He was a spy!” Crouch snaps, voice raised. “If he had the mark he would never be trusted by the Potters!”

This is too much. You can’t think in this — it’s too warm in this office, your clothes are sticking to your skin and it's suffocating, your throat is burning, you need some fresh air —

“Where is he?” You gasp. “Sirius. Where is he? Please, let me talk to him, please —”

“He is on a one-way trip to Azkaban,” Crouch spits. “And he will never return. For what he has done, he deserves no better.”

“When can I see h-him?” you say desperately. “His trial, his trial, when is his trial — “

“There won’t be one.”

Your heart feels heavy and you close your eyes, falling back in your chair as you sob. “What? What do you mean there won’t be one?”

“He is a mentally deranged and dangerous criminal,” Crouch says, hatred in his eyes. “We have an eye-witness account for what happened, there is no point in arguing when the verdict is clear. It is a waste of time.”

“No, no, that’s not fair, he deserves a trial just like everyone else.” You’re breathing heavily and suddenly it feels like there isn’t enough air in the room to fill your tired lungs. “You — you can’t just send him to Azkaban like that!”

“I can.”

“But — “

“The man has murdered thirteen innocent people!” Crouch bellows, his face red with anger. “Poor Peter Pettigrew, he was your friend! He tore after Sirius, told him just what he thought of his betrayal, and was murdered for it! Twelve innocent civilians, victims of his sick and twisted mind! James and Lily, betrayed by their closest friend — Harry Potter, betrayed by his godfather!”

His eyes are bulging out of their sockets and his fists are clenched on the desk. The room goes silent but for your uncontrollable sobs and Crouch’s heavy breathing across the desk from you. You screw your eyes shut and silently beg anyone listening to take it all away, to make this day never happen. To turn back time and keep your friends alive. Anything to get rid of this obliterating feeling.

“You got what you wanted, Barty,” Moody grunts from behind you. “Give the girl a break.”

When Moody takes your arm and pulls you out of Crouch’s office, you can barely see straight. You desperately try to process everything that’s going on, but it’s impossible. The very notion that James and Lily could be dead is inconceivable to you. Not your best friend, not your Lily, who promised you’d be best friends until you were old and frail. How could someone so sweet and wonderful, so full of life — how could she ever die? How could someone ever snuff out that perfect, unending light that was her soul? She always told you that your kids would grow up together, that they would be the best of friends just like you were — how can you ever come to terms with the fact that she will never get to see that become a reality? How will you ever adjust to life without James’s grins, without his constant jokes and laughter — who will you and Lily laugh at, how will you watch the way her face lights up when he enters the room if he’s dead?

Workers stare at you as you pass through the halls with Moody, they turn and anxiously whisper with their colleagues, but you don’t even notice. When Moody sits you down in his office, he doesn’t say anything. He says absolutely nothing and lets you stare at the chipped wood of his desk, lets you sob and weep and scream and wail, lets you mutter and babble incoherently.

The next day the Minister of Magic, Millicent Bagnold, gives you more Veritaserum and interrogates you with similar questions to Crouch. You scream and roar about Sirius — you just want to talk to him, you just want to see him — and when it gets you nowhere Moody takes you back to his office and silently lets you stew for hours again.

This routine continues for a week. Every day someone seems to have a new question to catch you out — one that will finally reveal that you knew something, or you helped someone — each new person bringing a fresh glass of water laced with a hefty dose of Veritaserum. You've actually gotten good at tasting the difference between the water they give you and the water Moody gives you, which is clean and potion-less, straight from his hip flask.

When you get home it doesn’t feel like home. You step in the door and cry, hot tears stinging your eyes. You spot a photo on your kitchen counter — it’s you and Sirius, on your birthday. You're sitting at the kitchen table, and his arm is around your waist while you lean into him, a gleeful grin on your face. It sets you off and in a fit of rage you throw it against the wall, shattering it. The second the photo hits the floor you’re filled with regret, and you rush to assess the damage. You try and repair it with your wand but you can’t focus properly on the spell, and spend an hour trying to carefully glue it back together with shaky hands.

You can't do anything. You feel bad doing the things you enjoy, like listening to music or reading a book — Sirius can't do these things in Azkaban. James and Lily can't do these things in death. You have no appetite and the days seem to blur and blur until you have no idea what time it is.

Why did this have to happen to your family?

♡*⁠。♡*⁠。

December, 1995

You don’t think you’ve ever been as excited when Christmas break finally arrives. The last two years have been spent at Hogwarts, and the others at your parents’ house with Remus. Your parents love Remus — he’s like a son to them. And now you finally get to spend it with everyone you love, especially Sirius. However, getting to Grimmauld Place for the holidays isn’t as easy as expected.

A few days before the end of term while you’re helping decorate the entrance hall, Umbridge approaches. “Excited for Christmas, professor?”

It takes you a second to get over the initial shock of her actually speaking to you, and you turn back to your decorations. “Yes.”

“And where will you be staying this Christmas?” she asks. “As Hogwarts High Inquisitor, it is pertinent that I know where all staff are over the period in case I should need to contact them with anything urgent.”

She smiles at you and you resist the urge to gag at the sight of her.

“I’m going to my parents’ house,” you reply, lifting some tinsel in the air with your wand and lining it along a portrait of an elegant woman standing beneath an apple tree.

“How festive!” the woman in the portrait comments.

Umbridge cocks her head with interest. “Your parents? But I have heard that you usually stay at Hogwarts.”

You shrug. “Thought I’d switch it up this year.”

“Is there any particular reason this sudden change was brought on?” she asks, smiling condescendingly.

You pick up the box of decorations with one hand and turn to her. “I miss them.” Before she can interrogate you any more, you march away from her, fixing boughs of holly and mistletoe branches as you go.

You join the rest of the students on the Hogwarts Express back to King’s Cross, taking the time to carefully wrap presents and write cards. It’s a lot of work to get home. You’re not going to risk heading straight to London to Grimmauld Place, not with the chance of being followed — which you expect every time you leave Hogwarts. You go to the house first, pick up some extra clothes, before getting on another train to your parents’ house. You have dinner with them there and trade gifts until nightfall, when you pack up your things again and, disguising yourself as best you can, make your way to Grimmauld Place with Dubh sleeping soundly in your bag as you go.

“Well, you better be honoured that I went through all that zig-zagging across the country just to see you,” you say when Sirius greets you at the door. You don’t think the grin on his face could be any wider when his eyes meet yours. Remus follows him through the corridor, smiling.

“Believe me, I’m more than honoured,” Sirius says, striding forward to place both hands on your cheeks and bring your mouth to his, kissing you desperately. You drop your bags in surprise, chuckling against his lips. When you pull back, his head follows you and you laugh, putting your hands on his shoulders to gently push him back.

“Easy, Sirius, we’ve got company,” you tease, nodding at Remus, who rolls his eyes.

Sirius turns to Remus, grinning. “Can’t let me have a moment, can you?”

He shrugs. “Guess not.”

You give Remus a hug before heading into the kitchen, where Mrs Weasley is busy preparing dinner. There are bags under her eyes when she turns to greet you, the stress of Arthur’s injuries clearly getting to her.

“Let me give you a hand, Molly,” you say, and though usually she would tell you not to be silly, this time she accepts your help gratefully, allowing you to take over most of the workload while she busies herself with setting the table.

Sirius is in a brilliant mood, singing Christmas carols as he sets about the place putting up decorations. You don’t think you’ve seen him this happy in a long time and it calms your anxious heart. He works tirelessly up to Christmas Day, determined to make the house unrecognisable — and he actually manages to do a pretty decent job of turning the dusty old place into a warm, cheerful home. Garlands of holly and gold and silver streamers hang from the chandeliers, and a great twinkling Christmas tree, acquired by Mundungus, hides the Black family tree from view. Mistletoe branches are placed over the entrances to different rooms, and every chance he gets Sirius is pulling you under one to steal a kiss. Even the elf heads on the wall are wearing little Santa hats and beards.

He wakes up early on Christmas Day like a child desperate to unwrap their presents and shakes you awake, much to your annoyance.

“Sirius, this better be good —”

“Just look.”

He points at the window, grinning, and after rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you turn to look at what he’s pointing at.

There, at the window, is a brand-new telescope, aimed at the sky above. A glittery gold bow has been stuck to the top of it.

“You were complaining about not having your telescope here over the summer, that the one at home is too difficult to transport, so —”

You beam, throwing your arms around him gleefully. “Oh, I love it, Sirius!”

You kiss him, lingering for several moments to relish in the feeling of his lips on yours, unable to fight the smile on your face while you do. You thread your fingers through his hair, giggling.

“How did you even buy it? Don’t tell me you left —”

“I didn’t leave the house, no,” Sirius says with a roll of his eyes. “I sent Remus to get it and gave him the money.”

You smile good-naturedly at him. “Poor Remus.”

He snorts.

You kiss him one last time. “You are the absolute best. I love you.”

He smiles and you pull away to reach under the bed and produce his present, neatly wrapped in red and gold wrapping paper. Curiously, he unwraps it to reveal a small bottle of dark blue liquid, turning it around in his hands before his eyes widen in shock, laughing.

“I — how did you get this?” he says in disbelief. “I thought it would be discontinued by now.”

You beam. “I never reveal my secrets.” You nod at him, smiling. “Go on, test it out. I want to see if it’s actually the same.”

Sirius pulls the cap off the bottle, aiming the nozzle at his wrist and spraying it, rubbing it in with the other before holding his wrist out to you to test. Leaning forward, you sniff and laugh, grinning at him. It’s the cologne he used to wear for years before his capture, he used to say it was his signature scent. The same cologne you remember smelling inside your Amortentia potion in sixth year.

“Perfect.”

He smiles at you, pulling you towards him to kiss you again. “Thank you,” he breathes between kisses, smiling against your lips. “You’re perfect. I love you.”

When you finally disentangle from each other, you get dressed and head downstairs — though not before you’ve thoroughly inspected your new telescope, delighting in the cleanness of it and the crystal-clear focus of the untouched lenses.

In the kitchen, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are peering into Kreacher’s den opposite the pantry and Mrs Weasley is standing at the stove, sniffling when she wishes you both Merry Christmas. You’re about to check what’s wrong when Sirius taps your side, silently shaking his head.

“Percy,” he whispers near-imperceptibly into your ear, and you nod in understanding. Then he raises his voice, “I’ll get the turkey.”

He heads into the pantry and you make your way over to the kids, smiling. “Happy Christmas, guys. What are you up to?”

“I have a present for Kreacher,” Hermione explains, laying a package on top of the rags and blankets in the dingy cupboard, right beside the glass photos Kreacher hoards of Sirius’ family. She frowns. “But he’s not here…I guess he’ll find it later, it’s fine.”

“Come to think of it,” Sirius says, emerging from the pantry carrying a large turkey as Harry closes the cupboard door, “has anyone actually seen Kreacher lately?”

“I haven’t seen him since the night we came back here,” says Harry. “You were ordering him out of the kitchen.”

“Yeah…” Sirius frowns. “You know, I think that’s the last time I saw him, too…he must be hiding upstairs somewhere…”

“He couldn’t have left, could he?” Harry suggests. “I mean, when you said ‘out’, maybe he thought you meant get out of the house?”

Sirius shakes his head. “No, no, house elves can’t leave unless they’re given clothes, they’re tied to their family’s house.”

“They can leave the house if they really want to,” Harry contradicts. “Dobby did, he left the Malfoys’ house to give me warnings two years ago. He had to punish himself afterward, but he still managed it.”

Sirius looks slightly disconcerted for a moment, meeting your eyes, before he shakes his head. “I’ll look for him later, I expect I’ll find him upstairs crying his eyes out over my mother’s old bloomers or something…of course, he might’ve crawled up into the airing cupboard and died…but I mustn’t get my hopes up…”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you, though Hermione looks reproachful.

“Thanks for the presents, by the way,” Harry says, smiling at the two of you.

You beam back at him, thinking of the book on defensive spells and the treats from Honeydukes you had left at the foot of his bed last night. “You’re very welcome!”

You receive an assortment of different kinds of magical teas from Remus, noting with interest the box of earl grey that apparently makes the drinker see everything in black and white for a few minutes, and the green tea that gives levitation. In return, you buy him a set of expensive oil paints which he delights in, promising that you will be the first person to get a painting made with them.

After you have dinner, the Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione, head to St Mungo’s to visit Arthur along with Moody and Remus to escort them. You had intended to go, but upon seeing the look on Sirius’s face when everyone leaves, you decide against it.

Before they go, you shove two small bags into Remus’ hands. “Give these to Frank and Alice, will you? Oh, and give this to Arthur.”

You hand him a paddle with a ball attached to it by a string — another Muggle game you hope will keep him entertained in St Mungo’s.

“Of course.”

The place is oddly quiet without everyone else, and you feel a rush of sympathy for Sirius at how lonely the house feels without anyone in it. It reminds you of the silence in your home without him there.

But at the same time, it’s nice. You stand side-by-side as you wash the dishes, handing them to him so he can dry them with a tea towel, and relay all your grievances about Umbridge.

“And then she said, ‘I know you’re hiding something…or should I say someone?’ and she smiled — you do not want to see her smile, by the way, it’s unnerving — but she thought she was well clever, as if she’s the first person to ever think that I could be hiding you away somewhere —”

“Well, you are, to be fair.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know for sure. She just thinks I am,” you say matter-of-factly, handing him another plate.

The scene is so domestic, that it’s almost foreign to you. You went over a decade without him and strangely, it’s little moments like this that you missed the most. Quiet, everyday things.

“Oh, and Mam and Dad said to tell you they said hello,” you say, smiling. “I think my dad misses you quite a lot — or maybe he just misses having someone to order around.”

Sirius chuckles, plates clinking as he returns them to the cupboard. “He always made me work every time we visited. And it’s not like I could say no, either — don’t want to get on the wrong side of the in-laws.”

“A flawless plan, really.”

He hums in agreement, sighing. You hand him the last few cups and he places them in the press before dusting his hands off. “I suppose I should look for Kreacher, before he decides to turn our bedroom into a shrine for my mother…”

Later, it's revealed that Kreacher had been hiding up in the attic — Sirius found him covered in dust, no doubt searching for more Black family relics.

When everyone else turns in for the night, it's just you and Sirius left in the kitchen. You let out a yawn as he drums his fingers on the table, before his face lights up with intent and he stands up and moves away from the table. Curious, you watch as he produces an old record player and blows the dust off of it, then he carefully pulls the needle onto the record and with a crackle, soft music starts playing.

Sirius extends a hand to you, smiling. “Care for a dance?”

You laugh, looking up at him in disbelief. “Oh, you're not serious…I haven't danced in forever —”

“That doesn't matter. Neither have I.”

He pushes his hand further to urge you, and you hesitantly place your hand in his and allow him to pull you out of your seat and into the middle of the floor. The space you have in the kitchen is limited, but it doesn't seem to bother Sirius at all.

Gentle but firm, he places the hand not holding yours on your lower back, and you place your free hand on his shoulder, your face inches from his.

He starts to lead you in a slow sway, and strangely enough you find yourself moving without thinking, muscle memory kicking in. Sighing contentedly, you slot your head into the crook of his neck. You can smell his new (or old?) cologne on his skin.

“Do you think we would’ve been good parents?” you ask softly. “If we had got the chance.”

You feel the nod of his head as he hums. “We would’ve been the best parents, love. And our kids would be lucky enough to inherit all our incredible genes.”

You chuckle, reaching your hand up to his hair to gently pull at the soft strands. “I think they would get your hair.”

“And your eyes, I hope.”

“They’d be clever.”

“And funny — and they'd all be Gryffindors, no doubt.”

You raise an eyebrow. “They’ll all have my smarts, you know. They could be in Ravenclaw.”

Sirius laughs. “Oh, really? Well, if you were so smart then why weren't you placed in Ravenclaw?”

You shrug, biting back a grin. “I look better in red.”

He gently spins you around to the music, and your eye catches on one of the Weasleys’ scarves on the kitchen counter, red and gold sparkling in the light.

“Everyone would love them,” you say, smiling sweetly. “They'd ace every subject and brag about how cool their parents are.”

“They'd dress cool and have incredible taste in music.”

You chuckle, heart aching at the what-ifs. The what could have happened. “They’d be kind to everyone.”

“But not afraid to stand up for themselves.”

“They'd be like you.”

“They'd be just like you.”

⁠✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。

On the very last day of the holidays, you sit at the kitchen table beside Sirius, the room completely silent, as he glares across at Snape. You're not sure, but you think he might be trying to incinerate the man with just his eyes — though so far he has made no progress.

Harry enters the kitchen, looking quite puzzled and nervous to see Snape sitting there. “Uh.”

“Sit down, Potter.”

“You know,” Sirius says, leaning back on the rear legs of his chair as far back as he can and looking up at the ceiling, “I’d prefer it if you didn’t give orders here, Snape. It's my house, you see.”

An ugly flush rises in Snape’s face. Harry sits down on Sirius’ other side, the three of you facing across at Snape.

“I was supposed to see you alone, Potter,” Snape says, a familiar sneer curling his lips, “but the Blacks — “

“We’re his godparents,” Sirius says loudly.

“I am here on Dumbledore’s orders, but by all means stay, Black, I know you like to feel…involved.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Sirius lets his chair fall back onto four legs with a bang.

“Merely that I am sure you must feel — ah — frustrated by the fact you can do nothing useful for the Order.”

Snape's lip curls in triumph and your fist clenches under the table.

“Asshole,” you mutter under your breath, though still loud enough for Snape to hear, based on the way his eye twitches slightly.

Snape turns to Harry. “The Headmaster has sent me to tell you, Potter, that it is his wish for you to study Occlumency this term.”

“Study what?” Harry says blankly.

“Occlumency, Potter. The magical defense of the mind against external penetration. An obscure branch of magic, but a highly useful one.”

“Why do I have to study Occlu — thing?”

“Because the headmaster thinks it a good idea,” Snape says smoothly. “You will receive private lessons once a week, but you will not tell anybody what you are doing, least of all Dolores Umbridge. You understand?”

“Yes,” Harry says, thumbing the sleeve of his jumper nervously. “Who's going to be teaching me?”

“I am,” Snape answers.

“Why can't Dumbledore teach Harry?” Sirius says aggressively. “Why you?”

“I suppose because it's a headmaster’s privilege to delegate less enjoyable tasks,” says Snape silkily. “I assure you I did not beg for the job.” He gets to his feet. “I will expect you at six o’clock on Monday evening, Potter. My office. If anyone asks, you are taking Remedial Potions. Nobody who has seen you in my classes could deny you need them.”

He turns to leave, his black travelling cloak billowing behind him.

Sirius sits straighter in his chair. “Wait a moment.”

Snape turns back to face you, sneering. “I am in rather a hurry, Black…unlike you, I do not have unlimited leisure time…”

“I’ll get to the point, then,” Sirius says, standing up. “If I hear you're using these Occlumency lessons to give Harry a hard time, you'll have me to answer to.”

“How touching,” Snape sneers. “But surely you have noticed that Potter is very like his father?”

“Yes, I have,” Sirius answers proudly.

“Well then, you’ll notice he's so arrogant that criticism bounces off him.”

Sirius pushes his chair aside roughly and strides around the table towards Snape, pulling out his wand as he goes. Snape whips out his own. They square up to each other, Sirius looking livid, Snape calculated, his eyes flicking between Sirius' wand to his face.

“Sirius!” You say loudly, but he appears not to hear you.

“I've warned you, Snivellus,” he says, face barely a foot from Snape’s, “I don't care if Dumbledore thinks you're reformed, I know better —”

“Oh, but why don't you tell him so?” Snape whispers venomously. “Or are you afraid he might not take the advice of a man who has been hiding inside his mother’s house for six months very seriously?”

You would jump in but before you can even think about opening your mouth, Sirius is biting back at him.

“Tell me, how is Lucius Malfoy these days? I expect he's delighted his lapdog’s working at Hogwarts, isn’t he?”

“Speaking of dogs,” Snape says softly, “did you know Lucius Malfoy recognized you last time you risked a little jaunt outside? Clever idea, Black, getting yourself seen on a safe station platform…gave you a cast-iron excuse not to leave your hidey-hole in the future, didn't it?”

Sirius raises his wand.

“No!” You yell, moving to try and get between them. “Don’t be stupid —”

“Are you calling me a coward?” Sirius snaps at Snape.

“Why, yes, I suppose I am.”

The door opens and the entire Weasley family, plus Hermione, enters the kitchen, all looking very pleased with Mr Weasley walking proudly in their midst, dressed in a pair of striped pajamas.

“Cured!” he announces brightly to the room. “Completely cured!”

He and all the other Weasleys freeze when they take in the scene before them: Sirius and Snape with their wands drawn and pointing into each other’s faces, and you and Harry beside them, watching on in shock.

“Merlin’s beard,” says Mr Weasley, the smile sliding off his face. “What's going on here?”

The two men lower their wands, both wearing twin expressions of the utmost contempt. Snape pockets his and sweeps across the room, saying nothing to the Weasleys as he passes, and pauses at the door.

“Six o’clock Monday evening, Potter.”

He leaves, and Sirius glares after him, wand held tightly in a white-knuckled grip at his side.

“But what's been going on?”

“Nothing, Arthur,” you answer, stepping forward to greet them, “nothing to worry about.” Over your shoulder, you shoot Sirius a reprimanding look, before turning back and plastering a smile on your face. “So, you're cured? That's brilliant, Arthur, really! Great news, honestly…”

“Yes, isn't it?” says Mrs Weasley, leading her husband into a chair, beaming. “Healer Smethwyck worked his magic in the end, found an antidote to whatever that snake’s got in its fangs, and Arthur’s learned his lesson about dabbling in Muggle medicine, haven't you, dear?” she adds, rather menacingly.

“Yes, Molly, dear,” Mr Weasley responds meekly.

Dinner that evening is a cheerful one, though you can tell that Sirius is far from the happy face he's putting on at the moment. When he's not laughing at loudly at Fred and George’s jokes, or offering everyone more food, he falls back into a sour expression.

When you get ready for bed that night, taking off your jewellery, you look over at him.

“I thought you would know by now not to listen to Snape’s goading,” you say. “He only says that stuff to rile you up.”

“I know, I know—”

“Didn't seem like you knew that,” you say, a bitterness lining the edges of your words.

“You heard what he said about James, about Harry,” he mutters angrily. “What kind of person would I be if I didn't defend them?”

“You don't need to defend them with your wand. He only wants to get a reaction from you, and you're giving him exactly what he wants. Leave the wand in your pocket next time. He has nothing on you.”

With a clink, you drop your earrings into the little ceramic plate on your nightstand.

He huffs in disagreement. “He's right about one thing: I’m of no use to the Order sitting here.”

You turn to him sharply, moving forward to sit on the bed beside him. “Forget the Order. Sure I'm not much use to it either, staying at Hogwarts all the time, am I?”

He opens his mouth to refute this but you continue talking before he can say anything.

“You’re of use to Harry. You don't realise how much he needs you,” you say softly, pulling a lock of hair behind his ear. “He really loves you, Sirius, and he is a lot better off now that you're in his life. Nevermind what Snape said — he might be doing the most for the Order, but that doesn’t automatically make him a good person. He is cruel and enjoys ruining the happiness of others. You do not, and for that you are a million times better than him.”

He leans into your touch, sighing. “I would have killed him.”

You snort, laughing. “He would've killed you. You might've been good with your wand when you were twenty, but Snape’s got a decade of practice over you while you were in Azkaban.”

He moves against your hand to press a kiss to the inside of your palm, before falling back on the bed with a loud, exasperated sigh.

“I hate him.”

You laugh. “Me too, Sirius, me too.”

⁠✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。

→ all kinds of interaction greatly appreciated! ♡

not to sound like a broken record...but sorry for the delayed upload. also sorry for the sad start to this chapter, hope i made up for it later on :) happy christmas everyone! I can't begin to describe how kind everyone who has read this series has been to me. You have all been absolutely lovely and writing this would not be possible without all your endless support. I love you all ❤️

As always, the biggest hugs and kisses to my taglist loves:

@mothraantics @wholelottalove05 @izuoyarmin @devoid-swanky @carpe000diem @mooonyxoxo @navs-bhat

@hyperspeedo @idkman5335 @elanna-elrondiel @murielisacertifieddilf @penelopied @imgondeletedis @wooyoungsrightsock @jennifer0305 @wolfdragon0424 @lovemesomevesey @aylinnmaslow @boiolay

[shizunitis]

No, ur absolutely so right about Bingcest. Preach louder because like. It’s just so fun. Any reason why they would be doing it is so fun. Is Bingge fucking Bingmei to show him how he needs to fuck Shizun? Is it a domination thing? What crazy kinks would Bingmei learn from Bingge? How would he try and incorporate them with Shizun? So many questions. I want Bingge to bite Bingmei’s lips when they kiss.

anon i love you and am willing to go through the abyss for you empty-handed and with my hands tied. will give you my firstborn. thank you for letting me talk about this please never leave me

now that the bingmei rp is over, and keeping in mind that i am forever sleep deprived, in a vaguely bingge mood, and also very sorry for what that means for any passersby, here’s my answer. horniness and thoughts (hopefully coherent enough) under the cut

though i find the shizun sandwich version of bingcest to be extremely tasty and a great apperitif, i feel like the pure bingge-bingmei storylines my brain throws at me every now and then are so fucking good (read: hhNnNg) on their own.

a non-exhaustive list of some ideas i didn’t ever think too deeply about but like for reasons:

what if bingge is bingmei’s shizun.

what if bingmei gets stranded in pidw.

what if bingge accompanies bingmei in the abyss.

what if instead of only having bingge and bingmei, we also throw in oo!lbh into the mix and make this the worst throuple to have ever existed.

what if the system fucks up and there’s two binghe’s from the very beginning, twins or clones or whatever, and they brave the world on their own so as not to strain the washerwoman’s already precarious situation further than they did the first time around.

what if bingmei wishes very, very hard for a father during his disciplehood, and the system plops bingge into his world when shen yuan is mia.

what if bingge goes out and tries to find the svsss world again but ends up in oo!pidw.

what if bingge and bingmei live to the ends of their lives and meet after the universe is wiped as cosmic beings and they have incomprehensible sex to soothe the pain.

what if bingmei suspects bingge came back to steal shizun during the monthly wifeplots, and just jumps the gun and goes after the fucker directly.

what if modern au.

what if modern au where they’re separated at birth.

what if actual lab clones of each other!

et cetera (many more examples. none of which i can think of right now and if i’m being honest? half of these i thought up on the fly, so i was lying. fibbing. other words. never ever assume i know what i’m talking about)

in any and all these situations shen qingqiu and/or shen yuan could and perhaps should be integrated, but for my purposes he can take a moment to breathe. i’ll return him his husbands shortly.

back to the point: i love every iteration of bingcest.

bingge and bingmei being very alpha vs. alpha about fucking and literally fighting for dominance. bingmei being horrible at kissing and bingge getting annoyed with the teeth thing and showing him how to actually bite someone (stealing your desires as they perfectly align with mine, anon) and then finding out that what bingge would consider lowly and ignoble (is that how you use the word? probably not), bingmei blushes and whines for so prettily.

exchanging blood and it fails to do anything but induce arousal in the other and then using that as a way to torment each other.

i want the snapping teeth and the clawing and the violence. the almost-tangible, suffocating hatred and frustration. them choking on their leashes tied together without their knowledge. choking on them where the’re tied to opposite ends of the bed as they try to get to the other. and so forth

but soft bingcest works beautifully too. don’t know how they’d end up in that situation but i’m picturing it and it’s very nice.

bingge’s vanity and desire to be perfect projected onto his own self staring back at him, bingmei’s bratty disobedience challenging bingge’s desire to subjugate and conquer and take, all of this culminating in the two of them understanding their differences but also loathing them in a way. why is he different, he’s me, why can’t he understand, why isn’t he doing what i would, why does he hate me, the likes

oh!! bingmei should yell that at bingge actually. or growl it while he pins bingge down to get him to listen to him. and bingge should want to say, “are you stupid?” but holds back because now isn’t the time. where did the brat even get that idea from? he’s done everything he could to make him stronger, to make him realise that the world is a shit, cruel place and they only have each other in the end, and yeah it’s a shit hand to be dealt, but is it? is it really?

hm. don’t really know where that thought ends up but i’m pretty sure it ends up with both of them fucking unbearably tenderly (by their standards) in a forest somewhere.

anyway.

i don’t mean to exclude shizun because. i wouldn’t fucking dare? but bingcest is. it’s dear to me. i’m a bingcest purist if you’d like, but bingcestqiu/yuan is second on the list. third is mobingcumplane/moshangbingqiu but that’s another thing altogether

(i have no actual clue if there’s ship names for these already. surely there are?)

BUT. adding shizun into the mix is wonderful. i’ve rec’ed it before but through the eye of a needle is SUCH a good fic PLEASE give it a read it’s my favourite fic ever ever in the history of ever

i love the idea of shizun trying to tame these two idiots and failing miserably. i also love the idea of him succeeding. i want bingmei making bingge drink some ‘respect shizun’ juice and i want bingge to give bingmei some much needed ‘fuck shizun’ lessons. i want shizun to direct their every movement while he casually drinks his tea and pretends like he’s not foaming at the mouth seeing the two protagonists being “forced” to go at each other like they’re passionate, devoted lovers.

just.

bingcest…

there’s so much i want from bingcest. i want the guilt, and the confusion, and the rage! i want the angst! the territorial spats, the dick measuring contests (literal and metaphorical). the comfort! the. idk man they should be allowed to be horrible to each other, it’s not like they can die.

(holy shit what if one of them dies. fuck i’m exhausted but please. kill one of them and make the other revive him. somehow. maybe we can make regret of chunshan reality but it’s bingcest, if you understand)

but mainly i want the two pretty idiots humping each other’s thighs like teenagers. making bingge crawl for bingmei is also a very fun thought that would make him (plural) react in a very entertaining way. getting bingmei to power bottom is chef’s kiss when bingge’s on the other end. teaching bingge about the beauty of surrendering to his own self, which he does not trust with anything but also understands more than he’d like or wants to acknowledge is also neat. they would get up to degeneracies that i can’t speak of. i’m shy and also inarticulate about them

oooh also lebingcest. exactly the same as before but it’s better. because lesbian yaoi

[mythalism]

I cackled at your post lamenting PR disaster after *that* Mythal screen, ngl XD

Super curious to hear your thoughts on qunari specific line with Mythal in Crossroads, where she claims to still love Solas. (in fact, that both of them still do). Also the fact that the foil to their relationship there seems to be motherly love is…messy. Their whole situationship is.

it on EIP Gaming youtube channel

i did see this though i wasnt able to watch the full vid at the time, i just watched it now. someone else also asked me my thoughts on this in my inbox so ill just answer this one, but i think its so funny that people are asking me about it hehehe. i wasnt surprised by it at all i think it makes perfect sense. of course she loved solas and of course she still does. just because she loves him doesnt mean shes not an absolute freak. it doesnt mean her love isnt literally poisonous. its still love, but shes a corrupted spirit. she loves being a god and the power over other people it gives her. shes not like other girls. shes a freak, shes a weirdo. anyway. my point is that i think shes right when she says that "we" (both rook and us as the audience) genuinely cannot understand the bond they had because their immortality would have made it something unrecognizable to us. shes being racist when she says it but idk why anyone would expect her to be anything but racist. however i think the sentiment when turned towards the audience is true. they were spirits together. they have known each other for an incomprehensible amount of time. we will never be able to understand the extent of their devotion even if it was ultimately ruinous. you can love someone and still abuse and manipulate them.

as for rook randomly bringing up fucking SHATHANN (no shade to miss shathann, i actually thought she was very interesting and the highlight of taash's storyline and that their relationship was compelling).... rook is a loser and an idiot and this is just them acting in congruence with their overall characterization as a loser and an idiot. if anything it actually proves mythal's point that rook cannot understand their relationship when they randomly start bringing up shathann and taash. dumbass fucking thing to say. i think its extremely reductive and literally just makes rook look so stupid. solas and mythals relationship is complex because they COMMITTED WAR CRIMES TOGETHER. it is so incomparable to taash and shathann having a very relatable and typical teenager/mom conflict over taash's identity and finding themselves. meanwhile solas and mythal were literally creating a bioweapon. anyway.

the mother implication doesnt actually bother me LOL. ive been saying the vibes are oedipal since before this game came out. again, we cannot understand it. people say things like "mother/son" and i even throw around "oedipal" and "freudian" but genuinely the ancient elves had such different conceptions of relationships due to both their immortality but also their origin at spirits that there is really nothing comparable. they did not have families and they probably had very different ideas of romantic relationships. this is something i really wish the game had explored more lol add it to the list! we just get glimpses of how they cared about each other. piecing together the 20,000 years is impossible. i believe it was intended that way. we are supposed to struggle to quantify it. i doubt they themselves could label the nature of their relationship if they tried. "love" is the closest word that exists.

as for mythal agreeing to help because she loves him? yeah. of course. im not surprised it works. she loves him, whatever the fuck that means to her. she also has a miserable lonely existence. yes she used him as a tool but he cannot function as a tool to her anymore, not in her sorry state, and so she is able to see him as a man and thus let him go. though maybe shes bamboozling everyone, morrigythal is about to pull her out of that statue again in da5 and pull one over on us, and she released his ass just to get him off the chessboard so she can get her reckoning. a girl can hope

[darlingwriter]

hi! i made this new sideblog because i want to branch out and try writing fic on tumblr (as opposed to ao3), seperate from my normal stuff. anywayyy, hey, hi, hello. you can call me vi. i have no clue what i'm doing.

some faq/get to know me nonsense under the cut:

what kind of fic do you write? i mean, honestly, i write all sorts of things; original work, poetry, tragic longfics, passionate essays about gender equality, extensive lists, notes app ramblings, etc etc. but specifically i want to try out writing reader insert fic stuff on this blog, because it's a style that just really intrigues me for some reason, especially as it's not very prevalent in the general literary world.

what sort of reader insert fic? literally most kinds hahaa. fluffy romantic cutesy shit, platonic goofing around, hurt/comfort, angst, the list goes on and on.

do/will you write smut? yeah, sure. i'm not interested in writing super hardcore kink stuff or anything, because 1) i just don't wanna and 2) i'm really not super educated in that area, but generally, yeah, i'll write smut.

will you take requests/asks/prompts? omg omg yes please i'd be so honoured. obviously i can't promise to write something for every ask i get, but please please please feel free to reach out!

what fandom/characters do you write for? currently experiencing a call of duty hyperfixation at the moment for reasons incomprehensible even to myself, so, right now, probably just going to be sticking to that. i have so so many fandoms, but i don't want to stretch myself (or this blogs target audience) too thin. but i might branch out later, who knows?

you fool! you absolute jester! you've forgotten to include a vital piece of information on this list!!! aaa, my bad, please reach out to me via ask or dm, and let me know! i'm like, perpetually sleepy and forgetful at the moment so it's more than likely i forgot to add something important to this. i am sorry in advance, it's my fault for quitting caffeine.

what anon signatures have already been claimed? 🧃 / 🐧

[still-july]

just finished the sunshine court and.

goddamn.

incomprehensive list of Things i thought while reading (spoilers ahead):

-cat and laila my beloveds

-seriously oh my god they're such a couple of all time

-jeremy backstory <3

-multiple perspectives? was not expecting that but also i am not complaining

-jeremy i love you but please don't ever say hecka instead of hella. EVER AGAIN.

-cat rides a motorcycle. honestly so iconic of her

-JEAN

-seriously he's so. Traumatized

-i don't even know what to say

-he's just constantly on the brink of a breakdown and i feel bad for him but also i never want it to stop

-jeremy is trying so hard it's kinda cute

-neil!!

-eating your dinner out of a takeaway box as the FBI interrogate you is such a Neil move for real

-the SASS

-fuck greyson

-also poor lucas i kinda feel bad for him but also not

-the Trojans are so interesting

-damn it's so fascinating to see the fallout in the other Ravens after riko is dead and tetsuji resigns

-i was looking forward to seeing how Jean reacted to the news about riko and damn. nora did not disappoint

-i may be in love with everything about this book

-anyways it's fucking late and i need to wake up early so

-this is probably incoherent but idc

-but you should go read it now!! and the rest of aftg while you're at it

-i can already tell i'm gonna be obsessed with it for a while sorry to anyone who follows me

[moonmagicsims]

I forgot to post this eons ago, I'm sorry. Please don't expect super regular updates! I play when I want and can.

I have no fancy header to put on my Shadowmoon legacy—whoopsie—but anyway! Erika had an uneventful first week living in San Sequoia (10 days). However, she did make two friends: Kiyoshi Ito and Molly Prescott.

But things might be getting complicated...

That Sunday, Erika was woken up by the sound of someone getting through the front door.

A strange man had somehow gotten into the house with a strange aura about him. He snuck around the house, almost looking for something--or perhaps someone.

Erika tiptoed down the stairs while he was looking through the home office. She hid in front of the couch and waited for the perfect moment to confront him. Once he left the office and went to go up the stairs, Erika left her hiding space, primed to call the police.

But Lady Luck was not on her side.

He spun around and said something incomprehensible to the teen. Before Erika could get a word out or call out to her parents, she fell asleep on the floor.

Her parents woke up that morning, surprised by the sight of their daughter on the floor--unharmed.

In fact, nothing was harmed or missing. So, she wrote it off as sleepwalking--a habit she had since she was a little girl. The man must've just been a figment of her imagination, right?

She went on a field trip that Monday, wherein she encountered a particularly strange but popular girl named Selena. Selena Stoker.

Erika couldn't help but think to herself, "Why does Selena look so familiar?"

Tuesday was Halloween but literally nothing of note happened with that.

CC USED Disclaimer: THESE ARE ALL MAXIS MATCH! Hair: Iris hair by Simsenshi, Sage hair by @simandy Skin overlay: So Creamy by @twisted-cat, Fawn by @twisted-cat, Samaya Overlay by chewybutterfly Irises overlay: Faded eyes by @twisted-cat or Lore eyes by @twisted-cat Erika's PJ's: Sleepy Nights by @madlensims

The strange guy entering the house was not intended but I ended up figuring out a way to work him into the storyline. And yes, he's a vampire I created. It probably had to do with the abilities I gave him and autonomy with households not in "my households."

I will probably need to make a master list of CC I use once things get bigger lol... I will make CC lists for the individual sim profiles, though! Expect a mod list sometime this month, too.

[angrycloudloud]

Percy Jackson spoilers episode 8

I'm not joking, i commented everything.

(i'm putting the episode in pause to write everything... So i don't have to do 10000 posts about this episode, so if you are reading this, hold your horses because this is going to be a long post (probably) not edited, from a person watching this in Europe starting to watch this at 3:11 am... And English is not my first language, so...sorry before hand)

LUKE!!! LUKE TALKING?! REALLY?! LIKE... COME ON!!! Don't do this to me... Not me vibing with the foreshadowing just in the begining of the episode.

THOSE WHO WENT ALL "WUAHHH WHERE'S THE TRAING LESSON FROM LUKE?" HERE IT IS!!! YOU REALLY THOUGHT THEY WON'T SHOW IT BEFORE MAKING PERCY FIGHT A GOD?! (I mean, they could have...but come on!... That would have being insane and would have make Percy to op and this works perfectly to remind us the "bond" between Percy and Luke at camp, just before what readers knew It was going to happen)

Oh~ i love the Ares doesn't take well that others think he can't have a single original thought... But i LOVE more that he literally decided to go with the "say hi to your mommy for me" like... Ares my man, god of war, sir... You fucked up so badly with just that... That kid is going to make Hephaestus and his chain-net over you and Aphrodite look like a fun story after Percy "son of Sally" Jackson finish humilliate you.

Aaaaand we got golden Blood + enemy for Life (Where's the curse, sir? Where's the "your sword will fail you when you most need it"?)

Uh! Pretty helmet~ I said it before, and i repeat myself, Hades has good taste in art.

I like the "the last war on olympus caused wwii" and not like the book, i like It better this way, like "everything is the gods fault" because It is. (I'm sure Luke will comment this at some point)

Also, Annabeth clueless because she wasn't there... I'm like, yeah, it's the one of the trio that could catch up just by context, she IS the wise girl after all.

THE NECKLACE WITH HER FATHER'S RING!!! OMG!!!! ANNABETH, DARLING, DEAR... I LOVE THIS, SO MUCH.

(Leah is Annabeth, look at her!!! If someone says something bad about her acting just because their racism... i hope Apollo write their names in the plague list or the bad music for the rest of their lifes one... I hope there's a list for that)

Grover: e-mail? Maybe?

Percy: *nah, it's time those gods know what they are dealing with* what's the Glory on that?

(Walter, dear boy, your face in that moment...perfect Percy moment just there)

OH MY GODS!!! I NEED A TOUR IN THAT OLYMPUS!!! but again...WHY THE FUCKING ARCHES?!?!?!

Okay... Hold on! HOLD ON!!! THEY DID A THING HERE I THINK COULD EXPLAIN THE FUCKING ARCHES...THE ARCHERS MIGHT NOT GIVE ME NIGHTMARES.

(Look behind, there are temples with easter asian architecture and i spot a building that reminds me a bit of Santa Sofia or Saint Peter of the Vatican... So... Maybe they are implying that not only the greek gods are chilling there in olympus? That could be interesting.)

Luke, i'm seeing you...

WoW!! Wooooo!!! Not the Annabeth IS terrify of spiders coming now and from him, Luke himself, just to say "hey! Demigods are small but if the gods thinks you are scary they'll kill you" GODS they are MAKING Luke soooo much justice, like, he needs to be like this if they didn't portrait him like this "big brother figure" it would be incomprehensible that so many Demigods will follow him. He IS a leader. He IS reliable.

Seriously, i'm in LOVE with all that Big city vibe of the olympus... Like... I Understand why Annabeth wants to be architect after seeing all that. (Disney, you better give us something good in the 5th season, and i have high hopes for the laberinth after seeing this)

I'm so sad about the death of Zeus actor... I'm liking a lot how he is acting Zeus, like a fucking CEO know-it-all Who thinks Percy is wasting his time saying things he already know but doesn't want to believe yet. "I will not be weaken by my brothers" darling, Zeus, that's the youngest brother part of you speaking. Shut the fuck up and listen to the kid.

Percy speaks facts.

Oh!!! Daddy Ken, i mean, Poseidon is here, protecting his kid~. (Better solution than turning him into a tree, actually showing up, heh!)

BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON!? IM ALREADY EMOTIONAL BECAUSE MY OTHER FICTIONAL FATHER FIGURE IN MY OTHER SILLY SHOW MIGHT DIE THIS FRYDAY... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE POSEIDON SAY "I SURRENDER" TWICE!!! TO FUCKING ZEUS!!! TO PROTECT PERCY?! I FUCKING LOVE THE SHOW.

Hermes IS the FUCKING snitch of the olympus.

Poseidon : "Who knows about father?"

Zeus: "Ares, Hades, you, i... And fucking Hermes so..."

Both: "everyone, then..."

He really asked Mr. Impertinent if he is obedient?! Hahahaha... Poseidon, dear beach daddy, sir... He is yours and Sally's, what makes you think he'll be obedient?!

"Ares IS a moron" sooooo ... Percy speaks facts because he speaks his father language then. Sorry, this is funnier than i thought It would be. Poseidon being an affectionate father for like 3 seconds before the daddy issues kicked in and push his son away with magic...

THIS. This here with the victorius Hero looking at the defeated who even "dead" had safe his life. Because the mention of Thalia's death was enough for Zeus to spare Percy's life... She had save Percy by being dead and make her father feel guilty for that. Also, he left camp making jokes about the tree and Thalia's death, and look how serious and respectful he looks now. Admiring that tree, Thalia, and all what she means to the demigods... (Maybe i'm reading too much into It, but i liked this frames too much)

Did i spot a pair of twins?! I need the second season NOW and i'm not even half way of the last episode of the first one...

SECOND HUG OF ANNABETH TO PERCY!!! AND HE IS SMILING!!! BOY I WANT TO HUG THEM BOTH... MY BABYS...

Oh~ they are going to do this "Clarise IS guilty but we couldn't risk a war here" to the end so the show watchers don't see It coming. Okay... I like how they are doing this.

Luke and Percy alone in the forest while Annabeth watches Clarise... Yeah... This is it.

I like the lights changing colors because of the fireworks but just giving more dramatic contrast to all the scene. Oh~ Luke's face... My gods!! (These kids are making me insane with how good actors they are!!!)

Luke trying to recruit Percy because he sees himself reflected in Percy, with their mothers suffering because of the gods. "This wasn't to betray you Percy. My enemies are the gods." SEE!!! RIGHT THERE!!! THAT'S A BOY ABOUT TO REBEL AGAINST HIS FATHER, TRYING TO RECRUIT HIS FRIENDS BECAUSE HE IS RIGHT BUT USING THE WORSE WAYS POSSIBLE TO DO THINGS!!!

I said it before, and i'm saying It again... I LOVE THE SHOW.

BACKBITER!!!!! OH MY GODS!!! THAT SWORD IS...HAVE YOU ALL SEE THAT!!! IT FUCKING CUT ANYTHING.

"WE is the word Zeus fear most." And again, as i said above, he is so RIGHT and so wrong at the same time. Luke speech is a 10/10

Percy's reaction. PERCY'S REACTION!!! first to Luke's speech. And then when he wounded Luke with his own sword, he INMEDIATELY apologize to him. "Sorry, i didn't mean to..." Because he knows Luke is being manipulated by Cronos, he still sees him as a friend. And that's why he is scared, also because Luke cut him back, but because his friend is choosing to betray him.

WOOOO!!! ANNABETH?! WOOOOO... LUKE'S FACE!!! ANNABETH'S FACE!!! MY GODS!!! THOSE KIDS!!!

Chiron: "Cronos is persuasive"

Percy: "i'm a seaweed brain, stubborn as fuck... I'll be fine..."

I love Dionysus. Like...

Dionysus: "wait, wait, wait... Peter Johnson, why is everyone calling you Percy?"

Percy: "i'm Percy Jackson, that's my name"

Dionysus: "are you sure? You don't look like a Percy to me, Peter"

A seaweed brain, has being delivered and i'm vibing, living, happy...

ANNABETH IS GOING TO DISNEYWORLD AND PERCY SMILING MADE HER WORRY SHE WILL BE IN TROUBLE THERE!!! SHE IS SO ADORABLE!!! I'LL PROTECT THAT CHILD WITH MY LIFE, I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS!!!

Grover!!! GROVER TELLING PERCY HE IS GOING TO SEARCH FOR PAN IN THE SEA!!! AND PERCY ACTING LIKE A NEPO BABY!!! LOVED IT!!!

Baby coming back to the beach House... Sally!!!!!!!!!!

Nooooooooooo... Fucking Cronos!!!!

Sally: *all worried* "another nightmare?"

Persassy: "grampa"

Sally: *i swear i saw her roll her eyes* "don't call him that"

I LIKE THE END OF GABE!!!! FUCK YOU GABE!!! Sally is divorcing him, change the locks and his first question to his lawyer is if he knows how to pick a lock... Fuck you, Gabe~

He turning himself into a statue because he opened a box for Percy (wich IS illegal) and after he called the head of Medusa gross... Poetic justice.

(i'm ending to watch this and write this at 5:22... My brain isn't braining anymore. So... Tomorrow i'll post a separated part about the thrones of the gods and maybe trying to put my degree in good use and picking all the art references i could and make a post about them)

[brunossan]

Reading through what others are saying about Pokémadhouse stuff as someone who knows way too much about all aspects of the pokemon world is such a painful experience. The Syir stuff is especially frustrating because not only is C!Lily giving an abuse victim Back to Their Abuser, but I don't buy the fact that a Gardevoir would be too powerful to stop. I know it's her fav and all, but she glazes up their strength to an absurd degree. When I first read that, off the top of my head I thought of several ways to take down Syir. Like using Destiny Bond or a pokemon that would resist their moves like a Mawile or Metagross. Plus those two I listed could mega evolve so they could counter Syir if they somehow mega-evolved.

I don't know any specific excuse Lily said other than "Syir's too strong" but I guarantee that there's a counter. Her ability is Trace? Send in a slaking. She puts up barriers? Get a pokemon with Infiltrator. She somehow out speeds and instantly one-shots all pokemon regardless of stats? Focus stash. Also I know gen 9 wasn't out, but a full team involving a Tinkaton and Kingambit would absolutely crush Syir, unless you know Lily keeps giving her plot armor, all to justify giving an Abuse Victim Back To Her Abuser.

And you know that if any show she hated pulled this storyline off, the exact same way, just w/ different characters, she'd be slamming it about "coddling abusers" and similar language.

Sorry for ranting, it's just something that's bothered me for a while after reading that. And if anyone doesn't know anything about Pokemon this is probably incomprehensible😅. What was even the point of the Syir stuff anyway? Like why'd she make such an OP Super Strong Gardevoir that no one can defeat? I know it's to show "G if she gave in" but like, ok, but that doesn't explain why she's so OP?

Its fine to rant, i feel the same way

If i am not wrong, there's something about Syir not following the normal pokemon rules, like instead of focusing her attack on the pokemon she would straight up attack the trainer. There's also the fact that in Pokemadhouse Gardevoirs have these "Original Attacks that were stolen from Warcraft". For example, Syir attack is called Psycho Blast, which was also on the wiki of Pokemadhouse, that was literally a Nuke Attack full of Psych Power. And Lily dont know how to keep the history linear, because the abilities of Syir changed between Trace, Synchronize or Pixilate, wich would frustrate even more those who wanted to stop her.

Syir is one of the worst characters i have ever found on a webcomic lore, and im still grateful for Lily decanonizing her in a possible rewrite.

But i would still trust in both Scizor, Sableye, Hypno and Slaking taking her

A fight like that would be awesome ngl

[missr3n3]

(swap writer here and with the list!)

Basic list of changes in the Swap au, without too much spoilers

Madeline swaps with Joshua in being the Secret Cael Antichrist (but she suffers a different type of torture)

Joshua swaps with Madeline in being the Antichrist's ex-partner (but he has added content)

Isaac swaps with Leah in being the one created RDP (as an alternative way of escapism from his parents aside from drugs)

The Wells parents swap with Marilyn and Joe in being the important couple brutally murdered by Luce

Andrew swaps with Jessie in being the in hiding ex-officer that is still around Nox

Jessie swaps with Andrew in being the one who's cornered by Luce (but she ends up paraplegic instead of dead)

No massive change to Zeke other than that he's working with Andrew and Joshua instead (very sorry lol)

Leah swaps with Rachel in being the one who's murdered by a Bestian Devil in the woods (threw herself in front of her sister)

Rachel swaps with Leah in being the surviving Milton sibling (she probably has a scar or two from the attack though)

Amir swaps with Leah in being the older and more rational friend to Maddie, Joshua and Isaac

Amir swaps in a minor way with Sam and Jessie by not moving away after one of the Milton sisters is killed

Rachel swaps in a minor way with Joshua by having something happen to her eyes (she has to really force the mental link between her and her sister when she's [spoilers])

Jessie swaps in a minor way with Amir and Sam by moving away with Amir's mom's help to New York after retiring following her diagnosis (she probably had one therapy cat before Sunny)

Sam swaps with Delilah in secretly being a Cael (his parents moved from California before he was born and one of them was killed by the Devil threats)

Delilah swaps with Sam in being the roommate of a secret Cael (her family came from Diane, moved to Nox and her parents and her later moved to Hemera)

Cassandra swaps with Elijah in being the one to contact a Demonic Entity and who contacts RDP (she does this willingly only wanting to help her friend to stop drowning in work to make money)

Elijah swaps with Cassie in being the friend who's taking a break and is worried about the supernatural activity (he's still a Youtuber but he's on a small hiatus to try and recover his health)

Please say if I missed anyone or any other basic info that would be valuable to know!

gonna put my thoughts in an ordered list bc otherwise this response is gonna b incomprehensible lol

god no wonder joshua struggles with his mental health so bad if the only adults in his life are joe and zeke 💀

super interested in what's going on with the postmortem bond between rachel n leah 👀

sam would look fucking terrifying as a cael he's so huge @_@

im having a lot of interesting thoughts w/ cassandra taking over elijah's spot in the story and i can share none of them without spoilers 😔 its a vry cool choice tho!

i think the only character not covered is michael, but it also seems like the supernatural entities (him + luce + cairyx) are being kept ✨mysterious✨ on purpose, so dont worry about sharing if what's going on with him is spoilers!

[st-just]

I love you going in depth and hearing your opinion on plot points, so I'm forced to annoy you with this... What's your opinion on Maricica's end? I feel like it was just SO fae, Guilherme giving her her victory, the Hunt retreating... Only to reveal that they actually never stop hunting and using her past mistakes, too small for consideration or remembering, to bite her in the ass.

(Also hopefully a foreshadowing for Charles' fate?)

so a) that's incredibly flattering, thank you!, b) sorry this took literally a month to answer lol.

So, on the one hand, I did feel like the first half of things with the reveal of overthrowing the whole court system and bringing Faerie to earth came a bit out of nowhere? Three million words probably leaves enough room to set up some foreshadowing here :P

But generally no yes, it was a great poetically fucked up ending. Absolutely perfectly Fae (and generally otherverse) use of forgotten unkindnesses and tiny mistake to doom someone and make it Just and Righteous (in an utterly amoral sense, of course). Not sure if it's technically capital-k Karma or just the sort of pre-Seal underlying patterns of the universe that the Seal codified and made legible, but either way it really seemed to fit.

Also I'm just a sucker for nearly-but-not-actually incomprehensible gambit and scheme pileups. The Fae are so great.

And glad Gilkey got out alright, honestly. Though sad we had to finish crossing off a name of Lucy's potential father figure list.

I'd comment on Charles' and formatting but I actually need to go catch up on the last chapter. So, will comment on that in 10k words or whatever it is.

[prairiesongserial]

epilogue 20

“-problem,” a voice crackled over Ezra’s earpiece, too distorted to tell who was speaking.

“Sorry,” Ezra said. He looked up from the sheet of paper he’d been scribbling on, despite the fact that the speaker wasn’t actually in the room with him. “Say again?”

“We have a problem,” the voice reported, and promptly dissolved into static. 

Enis’s new radio system might have been wireless and hands-free, but it still wasn’t perfect. People who were too far out of range became incomprehensible, it had been a challenge getting everyone tuned into the same frequency, and getting too close to someone else with an earpiece sometimes caused jarring feedback to screech over the line. But it was something, at least, to keep everyone coordinated.

“It better be a fucking good one,” Ezra said, hoping for a reply from someone who could actually brief him on the problem.

“What better be a fucking good one?” Enis asked. His voice was much clearer than the other person who’d spoken; he was probably still puttering around with the sound system in the back of the sanctuary, which put him much closer to where Ezra sat in a folding chair near the front doors.

Ezra sighed. “The problem we apparently have.”

“Oh,” Enis said. “Yeah. Iris is here.”

“What?” another staticky voice yelped over the radio, taking the words out of Ezra’s mouth.

“Hamlin just told me,” Enis said. His don’t look at me shrug was almost audible.

“Well,” Ezra began, then shut his mouth and took a long pause to figure out what he’d actually meant to say next. 

Iris being here, in Manhattan, was not a good problem in any sense of the word. It made a certain amount of sense, considering this was her ex-husband’s funeral, but she’d deliberately been left off the invite list for a number of reasons. First and foremost, she was Hemisphere’s chief intelligence officer, and Johannes had died in the midst of a firefight with Hemisphere. There was no way she’d come to pay her respects. She’d come to snoop. Second, Manhattan wasn’t Hemisphere territory. The people under Hamlin didn’t make a habit of playing nice with outsiders.

“Can we kick her out?” Ezra asked, finally. He already knew what the answer would be, but he still wanted to ask. Turning Iris away at the door sounded like a great restorative for the headache that had been slowly building to a crescendo in his temples all morning.

Enis hummed. It sounded disapproving.

“Look, I know,” Ezra said. “But can we?”

“She’s basically family,” Enis said. “She’s kind of entitled to be here.”

“Well, we are family, and we’re in mourning,” Ezra said. “I feel like I’m entitled to be a bitch.”

“Ezra…”

Ezra groaned, and reached up to loosen his tie, not for the first time today. He couldn’t remember having an occasion to wear it since he’d been a teenager, and it felt like it was strangling him.

“I hate you for making me deal with this,” he muttered at the coffin that sat on a long table in front of the bimah.

“Sorry?” Enis squeaked out, sounding attacked.

“Not you,” Ezra said. “The schmuck in the casket.”

“Oh.”

Ezra heaved a sigh, and stood. “Alright, I’ll go talk to her.”

“Did you finish your eulogy?” Enis asked.

“Mostly.” Ezra re-folded the offending piece of paper and tucked it into an inner pocket of his jacket. “Just…keep working. I’ll handle Iris.”

Enis didn’t respond, which Ezra could only hope meant that he’d turned off his earpiece and gone back to work. Fair enough.

*

Ezra stepped out into the synagogue’s lobby, and coughed. The smell of the floral arrangements was almost overpowering. Hamlin had handled the decor, and his design sensibility didn’t lend itself well to funerals. Flowers spilled out of urns and covered every spare surface the lobby had to offer, cloaking the cold, neutral tones of the room in bursts of red, purple, and blue.

Unfortunately, Ezra and Enis had been forced to agree that it was what Johannes would have wanted. Probably. He hadn’t left a will for them to go off of; classic Johannes, assuming he wouldn’t meet an early and horrible death before getting the chance to write his will.

Iris wasn’t mingling with the various circus members and Manhattanites in the lobby. Ezra passed through the crowd, eventually finding her outside, standing just under the awning on the front steps of the synagogue, smoking a cigarette. She was wearing a long-sleeved black dress that Ezra halfway recognized as something she’d owned when she had still been with the circus. Next to her, looking vaguely uncomfortable, was a young woman in an ill-fitting suit. Likely an interpreter.

“Hi, Iris,” Ezra signed curtly. He hadn’t kept himself as sharp at sign language as Johannes had, but he could still hold his own in a conversation, provided Iris went slow enough for him to keep up. “What are you doing here?”

Iris smiled cryptically at him, and flicked her cigarette to the ground to snuff it out under her heel, freeing both of her hands.

“Attending the funeral,” she replied.

The young woman at Iris’s elbow opened her mouth briefly, then closed it. She seemed to realize her services weren’t needed in this particular conversation.

“Not spying?” Ezra asked.

Iris offered him a thinner smile this time. “Of course not.”

“So you drove up here uninvited because you’re sad? I don’t buy that.”

“I didn’t hate him, you know.” Iris’s expression flattened abruptly, like she’d slammed a door in Ezra’s face. “I can grieve for him the same as you.”

Ezra snorted. “If he’d died any other way, I don’t think you’d be here.”

“Believe me, or don’t,” Iris signed, then shrugged, every bit as curt as Ezra had been to her. “You never liked me. That’s your problem.”

“What do you want?” Ezra snapped–then repeated himself in sign, well aware that Iris could have read his lips but still wanting to do her the courtesy.

Iris gave him a hard, assessing stare before replying, “To see him and pay my respects.”

Ezra pursed his lips, and found himself at a loss for how to sign his reply. He turned to address the interpreter.

“There’s no viewing,” he said. “It’s closed casket. There wasn’t, uh–” Ezra sucked in a breath, trying to dredge up the right words. “There wasn’t enough of him to show.”

The interpreter frowned deeply as she reached that part of the sentence. So did Iris.

“Who found the body?” she signed back at him.

“Enis and some others drove back through to see what they could save, once Lady’s people were gone,” Ezra said, signing the main ideas as he spoke. “They found him then.”

Iris nodded thoughtfully, then asked, “Is Judith here?”

“She drove down with me.”

“I’d like to talk to her.” She shot Ezra a glance that dared him to try and stop her again.

Ezra sensed that he wasn’t going to make any further headway in this conversation. Through the door, he could hear the sound of everyone filtering from the lobby into the main sanctuary. He needed to already be inside greeting them, and every minute he stood out here arguing with Iris was another minute he was shirking that responsibility.

“Fine,” he signed at Iris, and turned away. 

It was rude of him–if she had anything else to say, she’d have to do it through the interpreter. But he had no real desire to keep going. Let Iris fish for whatever information she’d come here to find; at worst she’d get scraps of what she was looking for, and at best she’d look nosy and inappropriate for poking around at a funeral. Not Ezra’s problem. Besides, he had a eulogy to get ready for.

“Iris is coming in,” he said over his earpiece, and ignored the slew of dismayed reactions that followed. “Someone make sure her and Mame don’t come to blows.”

*

Ezra had volunteered to give the first eulogy because Judith hadn’t wanted to and he didn’t trust Hamlin to do it. He’d spent the better part of two days working on it, only to scrap the entire thing the night before the funeral.

It was hard to figure out what to say about Johannes when he was the reason Johannes had died in the first place. Ezra was sure that half of the people in the room knew it, too–Judith, Hamlin, and Enis certainly did, not to mention the rest of the circus. It didn’t matter that he’d ridden to the rescue in Maine with the Bellamys in tow. He was still the one who’d told Lady to make a show of force, who’d kept trying to collect the bounties for Hemisphere long after Johannes had decided against it. If he hadn’t dug in his heels so hard, a lot of people would still be alive.

Ezra blinked the thought away, reaching up to gather his hair in a ponytail at the back of his neck. He’d been barely present throughout the ceremony, only cognizant enough to accept hugs and condolences. Standing between Judith and the coffin had made his mouth dry up with the sudden panic that anything he could say now would ring insincere. That he didn’t deserve to be here, being treated so gently. 

He still felt that way now, standing at the microphone, looking out at the seated mourners. Iris had gotten a seat in the front row somehow. She sat with her hands folded in her lap, staring up at him intensely. Maybe concentrating so she could read his lips, or just watching his body language. Behind her sat a row of circus members, some still with bandaged wounds from the shootout. Ezra lowered his eyes to the piece of paper in his hands.

“Let’s hear it,” someone muttered over the earpiece, nearly making him jump. He’d forgotten to turn it off.

He reached up to do it now, palming the earpiece and disguising the motion as tucking a lock of hair behind one ear. Ezra squeezed it tightly in one hand, flicked his eyes upwards towards the other mourners one more time, and swallowed.

“I met my brother Johannes when I was eight years old,” he began, “and I owe a lot of my life to him.”

20.29 || 21.1

[airi-p4]

The weekend Project - Ch 2

Chapter 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7  __________________________________________

Summary

At school, Marinette has no friends in her class other than Alya. With the idea of making students interact more and out of their usual groups of friends, Ms. Bustier assigns her students to a school project that requires spending a weekend with another student of her choice. What Marinette didn't know was how this project with her partner Juleka was going to change her life.

__________________________________

AO3

__________________________________

Chapter 2: First weekend at the Dupain-Cheng’s

By the first day of the project, Marinette was nervous. Juleka came by on Friday evening to her family's bakery, with a bag with some clothes and other personal belongings. It was awkward between them: they had never talked before, and whenever Marinette tried to start a conversation, Juleka didn't answer or mumbled something too low and incomprehensible. They finished their homework first at Marinette's suggestion. Silence reignited the whole time and the awkwardness only ended later, when Marinette's parents called them to eat dinner.

Marinette's parents weren't successful either in making the taller girl talk much, but at least she answered a few questions. Marinette's mother noticed she was a bit of a picky eater, and was touched by how she worked hard to eat despite her apparent dislike for some of the dishes. She offered to cook her something different and Juleka finally accepted after insisting for a while.

Things didn't get much better after dinner. They decided to watch a movie together, with the whole family, but Juleka didn't seem very interested in it either.

They went to sleep fairly early.

Probably, the best part of the day had been when Marinette complimented Juleka's pajamas and she let her dry and brush and braid her long hair. "It's so long and beautiful!" Marinette was happy to see Juleka blush and smile a little at her words.

Maybe, it wasn't that bad. And she had something to add to that list now! Tomorrow was going to be another day…

…Or so she thought, but communication with Juleka didn't improve much during the weekend. They helped Marinette's parents at the bakery during the morning. Marinette had been with her mom by the counter, but Juleka had been too shy and preferred to stay behind, helping her dad instead. The picnic they went to in the afternoon didn't go especially well, either. Juleka had been glued to her phone and, seeing how it was impossible to keep a conversation with her, Marinette had focused on drawing instead. Juleka was beautiful, though. She made a great model. Another good point to add to the list.

The last day, Marinette tried to be more assertive.

"Hey, Juleka! Wanna play video games? Watch a movie? Go to the park? Shopping?"

Juleka only shrugged and mumbled something the baker's daughter still couldn't understand. "Whatever you want," she had said.

Defeated, Marinette resigned.

She knew Juleka wasn't a bad girl, but how could she work on that project if they couldn't communicate? If she wasn't willing to open up and talk to her despite trying…?

She must have said it out loud because Juleka mumbled something that sounded like an "I'm sorry." But that could have been her imagination.

Sabine Cheng saved the day by offering to do some yoga classes and tea, and when Tom Dupain started a video games tournament. Marinette could almost swear there was a tiny smile on Juleka's lips the moment her father danced celebrating his victory.

And the first weekend ended. Just like that. Without anything relevant to add to the school project.

_________

"Hey, Marinette! How did it go with Juleka?" Alya asked, linking her arm to her best friend's, on the next day.

"It was impossible, Alya…" Marinette sighed. "Juleka is too quiet and wouldn't even speak for the whole weekend. This project is going to be a disaster for me! And I still have to spend the next weekend at her house! I have no idea of what's going to happen. I don't know what to do anymore! I'm so unlucky!" She leaned on her best friend's shoulder.

"You're going to be okay, you'll see." Her best friend patted her back. "You're Marinette! You don't give up easily and always find a solution to any problem!"

"I'm not so sure about it… as things are going this time…" She shrugged. "How about you Alya? How are things going with Sabrina?"

"Oh, girl! You're not going to believe it but it's actually cool! Her dad's stories as a policeman are unbelievable! I think I'm going to make a post on my blog about them. It's going better than I expected!"

"Good for you…" Marinette groaned.

"Oh, c'mon, girl! Cheer up!" Alya elbowed her, but she still faced down. "Hey Marinette," Alya continued, with a smile. "Did you know Juleka lives on a boat moored by the Seine?"  

"...what?"

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Salut my beloved!

Une petite question pour toi: as-tu une liste de recommandations de snarry fic en français?

(Et aussi: comment dit-on "my beloved" en français? J'aimerais les bons mots utiliser, et je ne pense pas google translate est 100% correct lol)

(Et aussi aussi: oui j'ai pris un cours de français, mais that was several years ago, alors pendant je t'écris le message me tout seul, j'utilise beaucoup google translate!) (If that counts!) (Et seulement je appris le vouvoiement alors j'écris V Formal lol merci de me trouver mignon 🥺)

MON AMOUR MON BIEN-AIMÉ!!! I went and found the fics I used to like back in Ye Olden Days of me reading fic in french <3 sorted by order of which one I remembered first, except my forever faves are at the top of the list because I love favouritism. Most of the links are to FFnet unfortunately, if I found the fic on AO3 I linked to that but french Snarry mostly seemed/seems to be on FFnet.

I'll say it juust in case but some of those I still consider masterpieces and some of those I think weren't very well written in retrospect. That means possible grammar/spelling mistakes and dubious plot/characterisation choices, but it doesn't mean I don't think the fics aren't worth reading ever at all. Sure most of them I cringe at if I reread them but they were important to me. There might be obscure slang or incomprehensible language mistakes though, sorry for that Tomas.

@zeawesomebirdie it posted before I finished the list so here's a tag to make sure you see it haha

• Le Sang des Innocents by Tabourette (280k, 48 chapters)

Le sang, ce liquide carmin qui maintient en vie mais qui peut aussi causer la mort. Une chose si banale mais pourtant chargée de pouvoir. Il nous relit les uns aux autres, nous enchaîne, fait basculer des vies, bouleverse des destins.

-> The summary is incredibly obscure and I love it. It's half a vampire!Severus/blood source!Harry (in french fanfic they're usually called chalices but I don't think there's an equivalent in english) and half a Remus/Draco, which you really get used to actually. It's the one I've been meaning to translate for years. It's absolutely incredible. If you don't like vampires at least give this one a few chapters. The first half is relationship establishing and halfway through the 'real' plot comes bursting in and it's great. Unforgettable, all time fave. AND this one I know doesn't have typos or mistakes.

• Puppy by Mandy Mandala7338 (174k, 15 chapters)

Après la guerre, le Survivant se sent de plus en plus seul et incompris. Sa vie lui échappe, il ne contrôle plus rien, surtout pas ses sentiments. Pourtant, des gens s'inquiètent pour lui et un homme va décider de l'aider. Il fera découvrir à Harry des facettes inconnues de sa vie, ce qui, à sa surprise, va lui plaire plus que prévu. Slash M/M. BDSM

-> Blueprint for who I am as a person and I'm not joking. This fic did 14yo me's BDSM education (I know shhh I know) it helped me with my adolescent feelings and it never left my heart. When I saw the summary for Pacify I went 'hey that sounds like Puppy I should give it a shot!' because yeah the premise is similar, though it isn't executed the same at all. If you are also fascinated by stories about kink written by people who know what they're talking about this is probably the best you'll find in terms of french Snarry. Good grammar as well!

• SAS, Son Altesse Sérénissime by Nanola Meylhann (195k, 28 chapters)

Depuis plusieurs siècles, la famille Rogue règne sur Poudlard, une principauté prospère. Pour le prince, tout va être chamboulé lors de sa montée sur le trône et un secret millénaire va être déterré, mettant en péril les croyances du régent, ses choix et ses décisions.

-> The worldbuilding is kind of insane honestly. Does it make a lot of sense no did I love it yeah. Here Severus is the prince of an imaginary principality and Harry is his ancestral curse-mandated soulmate who had a shit life and starts the fic as a prostitute. The writing is good but Harry doesn't speak very formal french in it so it might be hard to understand in parts.

• La guerre des contrats by Rose_British (70k, 20/?)

Albus a abusé de son pouvoir pour fiancer Harry à Ginny. Il n'avait juste pas prévu l'existence d'un autre contrat…

-> This isn't a "learnt to love your forced spouse" arranged marriage fic, it's a "kick Dumbledore's ass as a power couple" fic. Lots of contracts and legal stuff and grey!powerful!Harry and going to Gringotts, you know how it is. This used to fascinate me. On hiatus but I really hope the author comes back to it if they can!

• Une Histoire de la soumission by Mayunaise (95k, 13 chapters)

"C'est grâce à ce livre que j'ai enfin compris ta relation avec Snape. Tu devrais rester à l'écart de lui. Il est dangereux", dit Hermione. "Mais Snape est mort !", cria Harry. "Justement." Comment Harry, à cause d'un mystérieux grimoire intitulé Une Histoire de la Soumission, développe une obsession folle et désespérée pour feu Severus Snape. 8e année - HPSS - COMPLETE

-> This is a gem this is an anomaly I read it once years ago haven't touched it since and have only vague memories of it but I KNOW I'm right. Its vibes are intense and unforgettable. There's some kind of weird stuff in the flashbacks Harry lives through when he's into the book, fair warning.

• Cloîtré and Les âges sombres by sioban parker (36k & 12 chapters, 38k & 10 chapters)

COMPLETE. En 5e année, Harry réalise avec stupeur que, dans une vie antérieure, il était novice dans une abbaye. Et que Snape était près de lui… UA médiéval et monacal. HPSS !

Suite de Cloîtré. Pour l'inquisition, le maintien de l'ordre social et religieux est l'objectif premier. Malheur à ceux qui s'écartent du rang. HPSS médiéval. COMPLETE

-> I won't lie my memories of those two are extremely vague but the summary sounds dope haha. Also I dowloaded them and I do believe I thought highly of them so yeah? For sure medieval Snarry in an abbey is a choice but I love authors who try weird stuff and Severus does have medieval monk vibes in a way.

• Mardi Gras and Le Carnaval by Archimede (14k, 61k & 4 chapters)

OS. Durant toute la journée, Severus avait dû supporter ses incapables d'élèves ainsi qu'une rébellion de Gryffondor. Aussi, quand Neville l'avait invité à dîner chez lui le soir, il n'aurait jamais cru que la soirée soit aussi mouvementée… ou pas.

Suite de "Mardi Gras". Depuis la soirée de la chandeleur, Severus est sur le qui-vive. Draco et Neville veulent se marier et Harry lui en fait voir de toutes les couleurs. Mais ce n'est pas tout ! Il doit aussi se rendre au carnaval du petit Teddy et subir un repas avec les Weasley… Mais qui a dit que Severus Snape, Serpentard de son état, se laisserait faire ?

-> Vague memories of these but they're fun memories! I love when they do things with other people <3

• La vie d'un calice by kelokelo (235k, 42 chapters)

Harry calice d'un Rogue vampire ? Vous n'y croyez pas ? Et pourtant…

-> Okay this one I had to include because it meant a lot to me and I was obsessed with it but also it's um. Well. It's not very well written. It has grammar mistakes and weird characterisation and some truly deranged turns of phrase and bad plotlines. But it was part of my french Snarry experience and leaving it behind because it's kind of bad would feel mean to me. Probably not good if you're not sure of your grasp of french though. Also you can see the use of the term "calice", chalice again, which, well, I had a vampire phase, what do you want.

• Héritage by emeraldcryst (188k, 23/?)

Un héritage ça plait toujours non? Quand on ne s'appelle pas Harry Potter peut être…

-> I was really into vampires but I also loved creature inheritance fics lol. Another one that's not up to my current standard but that I remember fondly, if very vaguely. It's up to you if you want to read kinda bad Veela Harry :')

• Extermination by Crapounette (105k, 10 chapters)

Dolorès Ombrage a lancé une campagne d'extermination des nuisibles nocturnes. Premières victimes : Remus et Tonks ainsi que le vampire Severus Rogue. Ayant tenté de venger Remus, Harry Potter est jeté à Azkaban où il retrouve le vampire. HP/SS Vamp/calice.

-> ALSO a fic that is kind of not very good in retrospect but that I still love. It aged extremely badly with the way JKR has been behaving because it's a story where Umbridge tries to genocide all the impure creatures like werewolves and vampires and puts them into camps before Harry and Severus save the day. Yeah. Listen when I was 14 this rocked my world! If you're allergic to exaggerated stuff (like Umbridge suddenly having enough power to put people into camps in like 2 months) and uke/seme-like dynamics you probably won't like this one but it's close to my heart. If you want to read the sex scenes (they're not that good but why not) the site she was posting the full versions on went down so eh. There's screencaps saved to the web archive but I don't have the URL. What I do have is homemade epubs with the full text, so you can hit me up if you want those I guess? (anyone btw. You're the only person possibly interested but if someone else wanted to I'd send them the epub as well)

• Joyeux Noël, Professeur !, Bonne Année, Professeur ! and Joyeuses Pâques, Professeur ! also by Crapounette

-> the series is about celebrating holidays but I'm just giving you those because they're also a little not good but at least they're short, I figure that's good if you want to start somewhere.

• Dégrisment by Agathe Laplante (27k, 7 chapters)

Harry Potter se réveille dans une cellule de dégrisement sans aucun souvenir de sa fin de soirée de la veille. Et il aurait, de loin, préféré ne jamais retrouver la mémoire.

-> The plot goes by a little fast but 1) perfumer Severus and 2) I love when people address the consequences of Harry's childhood & adolescence, even if they rush it a little.

• Les Jolis Pitits Dessins by Lychee (18k, 5 chapters)

SLASH SSHP Qui n'a jamais griffoné de dessins cochons sur ses brouillons de devoirs, mmh? Harry n'échappe pas à la règle. Sauf qu'il s'agit d'un devoir de Potions et qu'il rend le brouillon sans s'en rendre compte… Terminé

-> One of my first Snarrys I think! The "pitits" in the title is just a cutesy way of saying petits.

Then I have a few translations that could interest you, since if you have a doubt the english original text is right there. The english texts are all on my reclist that i've been planning for a good year so I don't want to be too detailed in my opinions since that would just be repetition when I finally post it, but I'll still talk about them because I cannot be brief about fanfic I like.

• French translation by Nyfna of Cambiare Podentes: Invocare by JordanGrant (212k, 33/50)

Une nouvelle prophétie fait son apparition, elle promet la mort pour Harry Potter et l'esclavage du monde sorcier, à moins qu'Harry lui-même ne consente à devenir l'esclave sexuel - de façon irrévocable et pour la vie - de Severus Rogue.

(A new prophecy comes to light, one that promises death for Harry Potter and enslavement for the wizarding world, unless Harry himself consents to being sexually enslaved--irrevocably and for life--to Severus Snape.)

-> I think it would be funny if on your path to learning french you used the same fic as me but the languages were swapped. Also the fic is great obviously. Changed my life and such

• French translation by Hesymi of Emancipation by BadGirlgoesworse (151k, 43 chapters)

Qu'est-ce que les gens dépendants sont censés faire lorsque ceux en qui ils avaient mis toute leur confiance les trahissent ? C'est simple, il suffit de trouver un moyen de devenir maître de leur destin.

(What are dependents left to do when betrayed by those they trusted most, but to find a way to become masters in their own right. Set after Department of Mysteries fiasco in Order of the Phoenix.)

-> very uh. Powerful!grey!Harry? Also mostly bottom Severus, if that interests you. The characterisation is Something and there's some bashing but y'know how it is, read it when I was young and I'm fond of it, etc etc. I also find it funny how the french translation has like 20k more words, truly we talk too much.

• Courtiser Harry Potter, french translation by Devil Pops LRDM of The Courtship of Harry Potter by Diana Williams

HPSS Selon une tradition millénaire, un sorcier peut demander la protection d'un mentor plus âgé. Le nouveau professeur de DCFM cherche à séduire Harry Potter, forçant ainsi Severus à entrer en compétition pour conquérir le cœur du jeune homme. /COMPLETE

(Another teacher's interest in Harry Potter forces a reluctant Snape to compete for the young man affections.)

-> Snarry classic, won't get into details, etc etc, it's great honestly. If you like mentor/apprentice vibes this is not exactly that though (because Severus is well-adjusted enough to realise that's a bit weird to have that power over a 17yo. Thank you Severus for having morals)

• Sans Voix & L'ombre de l'autre par Bliblou, translations of Speechless by thesewarmstars and The Shadow of the Other by atypicalsnowman (29k & 9 chapters, 34k & 6 chapters in french)

-> Bliblou seems to have deleted their account at some point, but I have epubs if you're interested? The original fics are dope, if you decide you want to try and read them in french as well hit me up.

And as a bonus for you, here is one singular Tomarrymort I found in the pile, and a Drarry recommendation, juuust in case, because I used to be into Drarry before Snarry swept me off my feet.

• La loi de l'Amour by Rose_British (128k, 33 chapters)

Pour garder son contrôle sur Harry, Dumbledore prévoit de le marier de force et fait instaurer une loi de mariage pour camoufler ses traces. Sauf que tout ne se passe pas comme prévu…

-> Like La guerre des contrats, it's Dumbledore bashing, but this time Harry is with Tom. It's not arranged marriage either because he's already dating Voldemort and then he's arranged-married to Tom Riddle, which is pretty funny. What turned me off the first time is the Severus/Ginny, but I think I might give it another shot honestly.

• Nothing else matters by Rose Malefoy (346k, 39 chapters)

Deux hommes, deux continents. Une vie faite de relations éphémères, sans contrainte et sans engagement, dans laquelle ils n'étaient pas censés se retrouver. Et surtout, ils n'étaient pas censés s'aimer. Si proches peu importe la distance, ça ne pourrait être plus près du cœur, croyons éternellement en ce que nous sommes. Et rien d'autre n'a d'importance . HPDM/DMHP - EXPLICITE.

-> Now I know I know, that's a huge ass novel to present you with when you didn't even ask for Drarry. No offense if you don't want to touch it, that would be fair, but this fic also is really cool. I'm giving you this one because it's the most memorable of the author's works for me, but she's also written a few OS that aren't as big, so if you want 'shorter' quality works and you're fine with the ship I recommend looking at her profile.

AND THIS CONCLUDES IT! Thanks for asking, this was a blast from the past. I mean look at all these summaries that say don't like don't read.... incredible. The Snarry reclist will hopefully be coming this summer but it's going to be a MONSTER. Absolutely huge. So. Hope there's something readable for you in there, otherwise there should be some good short stuff on FFnet or AO3 (or I can rec you actual books that aren't thousands of words long lol)

[oscartwofoxtrot]

[kicks down the door like the kool-aid man]: hi oscar talk to me about your favorite scene that you’ve written?

Sorry this took so long to answer, I was, apparently, writing an entire thesis. You Have Been Warned.

Oh my god uhhh. My favourite scene…okay, if I had to go with one, it’d probably be the scene from The Valiant Never Taste of Death I unofficially refer to as ‘Everybody’s dying bitch, let’s get you some peanut butter’. This comes about a quarter of the way through the second (proper) chapter, Requiem (NB: if we’re going by AO3 numbers then it’s Chapter 3, since there’s a Prologue chapter as well, but I don’t tend to count that numerically), and it’s the bit where Nate gently bullies Brad into sitting down and having a snack. And then uno reverse-cards him into talking about his childhood trauma. [Slaps scene] This bad boy can fit so many emotions in it!

For those unfamiliar with Halo 4 (which in all likelihood is most if not all of you), you should know that for the most part, I tend to hew fairly closely to the story and plot structure of the game when writing Valiant. But linear first person shooters don’t offer the characters a lot of opportunities to sit down and talk about their feelings, so this scene is an oscartwofoxtrot original! Sure, the action scenes can be fun, but there’s nothing I love more than getting to write Brad and Nate in their quiet moments, and I crowbarred this one in here to really dig into that Deep Halo Lore and hopefully use it to get at some of the complexities of their dynamic in this AU.

Speaking of complexities, you ask me anything at all about Valiant and I am not so much going to unpack the suitcase as start pulling hat stands and potted plants out of it Mary Poppins-style, so…this shit’s gonna need an itemised list.

1. Nate: [Basically refuses to acknowledge his own mortality, but you better believe he makes sure Brad remembers to eat and take a break every once in a while]. Also, Brad displaying just how whipped he really is. They may not have the same relationship dynamic as canon, but Brad pretty much lets Nate tell him what to do most of the time. tbh I think he likes it.

2. We get another hint at the circumstances surrounding Nate’s capture by the Gravemind. I alluded to this event in the prologue but have thus far avoided going into too much detail about it, so you’d better believe it’s a Surprise Tool That Will Help Us Later. One of the biggest challenges of writing an AU based on the fourth game in a series is finding the Goldilocks Zone of exposition – too much and you lose the current plot thread as well as the attention of literally everyone reading; not enough and the whole thing is virtually incomprehensible to normal people who don’t spend all their time on Halopedia. Trying to get that balance right is, shall we say, an ongoing struggle.

That said, I have been having way too much fun throwing out passing references to stuff like this – and this particular occurrence is a Big Deal in the world of Brad and Nate, because I think it may be the only time they’d been apart for more than like 24 hours since they started working together. (The backstory of their first meeting is a whole other essay in its own right, so I’ll just slap a sticker on this that says ‘Ask Me About My Canon Timeline In The Very Unlikely Event That You Are Interested’). Nate had become such a permanent fixture in Brad’s life, I doubt Brad understood what it would even feel like to miss him until he was gone.

And now that Nate’s life is in danger again, Brad has a very clear understanding of the stakes involved. Almost losing him the first time…it wasn’t The Moment of Realisation (more on that later), but it certainly did crystallise some deeper level of awareness on just how important Nate is to him. Of course, last time, the problem was one of distance – Brad was light-years away and couldn’t immediately get back to Nate, but there was a fortress to storm and a dragon to slay so he could save him. This time, Brad is right there, and he can see Nate suffering, and there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.

3. Couldn’t resist throwing in a version of the Peanut Butter MRE Temper Tantrum lol. I am at heart a giant sap and I do love writing them joking around and just being incredibly fond of each other. Because there’s no officer-enlisted divide here, it gives them more room to develop the casual familiarity and vaguely flirtatious banter we see hints of in the show. The spectre of Nate’s Rampancy does cast a pall over the whole thing, but it wouldn’t be Generation Kill without some serious mood whiplash. Speaking of which…

4. Hello and welcome to my impromptu TED Talk on the Insane Fucking Lore behind the SPARTAN-II program! (On all levels except physical I am this Brian David Gilbert Unraveled video). That’s right: the Spartan-IIs were kidnapped from their families at the age of six and, to avoid suspicion, replaced by clones implanted with their memories who would die within months due to congenital health issues caused by the cloning process. And as Nate points out, the UNSC didn’t even have the justification of the Covenant War, because that hadn’t started yet! They did this shit because various colony worlds wanted independence from the United Earth Government – but that would negatively affect the economy, so apparently the only two options available were ‘bloody civil war costing billions of human lives’ or ‘covert military operations to quash nascent insurrectionist uprisings, carried out by fucking child soldiers who we put through brutal training and experimental bio-augmentations that killed or permanently maimed like half of them’.

So, uh. That’s fucked! And what’s wild is that even though this has been a feature of the expanded universe since the beginning, it’s something that’s barely ever touched on in the games. Nate only knows about it because he went snooping for Brad’s unredacted file not long after they met for the first time (based on Cortana doing the same in the Halo prequel novel The Fall of Reach). For what it’s worth, Brad’s stated mindset is pretty typical of how the Spartans themselves feel about the whole thing: it’s been normalised for them because it’s the only life they know.

Nate, meanwhile, is understandably horrified, and it’s clear they both recognise the parallels between their experiences – the UNSC took away Nate’s autonomy too, by the very act of his creation. In between the Gravemind and the Rampancy, it’s something he’s been increasingly struggling with: that he was brought into being as a fully-formed person to serve a specific purpose, with the knowledge that he’d only have an operational lifespan of seven years before his systems started to decay irreparably. I can’t put it better than the Gravemind did (courtesy of the Halo short story Human Weakness by Karen Traviss): “Your creators made you separate. They placed a barrier between you and the beings that you would be encouraged to protect, a wall you could never breach. They even gave you a human to centre your existence upon, a human to care about, yet never considered how you might feel at never being able to simply touch him. Or how he might feel about outliving you.”

Damn are you guys seeing this shit? This is fucking crazy! Anyway I’m Rod Serling

5. Rule number one of Valiant: Brad does not know that he’s in love with Nate. Ya boi is pining without even realising that he’s pining. This isn’t a reflection of how I most commonly interpret canon – I look at show!Brad and I’m like ‘yeah, there’s a guy who’s 100% self-aware that he’s simping for his platoon commander’ – but in this AU, the Spartans’ lack of normal human socialisation has left him without any practical life experience of things like romance, so he’s just not quite able to put a name to those feelings. Yet, anyway.

As for Nate? I’ve been writing under the assumption that he is aware of his own feelings, but isn’t totally sure of Brad’s. I reckon he probably has a good enough read on Brad to at least suspect that Brad might reciprocate if made aware of the situation, but without any way to be certain, Nate’s unlikely to bring it up. Even I’m not fully decided on when Nate’s Moment of Realisation was. I do have a few ideas, but it’s not a detail that’s ever specifically relevant to the fic, so feel free to speculate.

In conclusion: …idk man, it’s been a year since I wrote this and I don’t completely hate it yet so. that’s probably a good sign, right? sorry for rambling it will happen again

[apex-academy]

Chapter 6: The Decay of Our Lives (#4)

Guess we’re still starting with Itsurou’s file. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything missing when I flip through it, but these things aren’t exactly uniform, so I don’t know how I could tell. Check if all his published books are listed, maybe, but it’s not like I know them all, anyway.

“Could check it against his study hall if I wanted to.”

Seems like overkill right now, but if I don’t find anything else to do...

The demographics information is a bunch of average junk, and some points about his health. Nothing anybody has to worry about now.

“...” Onto the next one.

“Kaichi...”

Why am I doing this again? I... Maybe I can come back to him. When it’s a little less raw.

“Or will that happen anytime soon?”

Probably not. Still... Don’t want to push myself more than I have to.

That’s what Kaichi would want, too, right?

Already checked my own file earlier, so I skip to Kanagi’s. Sports, sports, and more sports. Don’t know what I expected.

“Looking at this, you’d think she’s just the all-around Super High School Level Athlete...”

But I guess the only achievements that really fit the school criteria are in volleyball. Plenty of other articles and stats in here, though. Including a good handful of male sports leagues? Under a number of pseudonyms...

Whatever works for her, I guess.

Nothing here draws my suspicion, at least. If anything, I doubt she’d have the time to plan something like this while she’s out there cross-training for fifty sports.

Maybe that’s just me being optimistic, but... It’s something, at least.

I wrangle her file back into place and slide that drawer shut. So, down to the next row, or back up to Aki?

“.................”

I slide the top drawer open and walk my fingers down the tabs. Unlabeled folder of blank forms, Aidan, then...

There’s not a lot of heft to it, per se, but it presses into my hands harder than it should.

“...”

I open it up.

Not a lot in the way of demographics—at least, nothing that stands out. Seems she started helping out at the local courthouse pretty young, but otherwise...

“Wonder if that was before or after she switched her style around.”

Not that it matters now. Or ever would have, probably, but...

“................”

Past that’s a bunch of meaningless charts about words per minute, but I scan them point by point anyway. I’ll... be stuck in this one a while, I think. Might as well focus on numbers instead of everything else around them. Who’s responsible for them in the first place.

A lot of the file is completely incomprehensible to me. Not redacted like Aidan’s, just written in... I don’t know. The kind of marks her stenograph makes, I guess.

Made.

“...”

Well. I guess it could still make them. As far as I know, it outlasted her just fine.

“.................................”

My throat’s trying to close up now, so I flip through the pages faster. Really nothing of note here. She had skills, she did her best, she deserved to be here. Just not... here.

“...............”

I might need a few rounds of pool.

Silently, I place Aki’s file back behind Aidan’s and lock up again. Drift down two floors, unlock my own room.

...

I play a while. Who knows how long. Our loved ones are safe now, supposedly. No reason for time to matter much anymore.

But I have to get going again eventually.

“.....”

Out to the empty hall, but the moment I get to the stairs, a wave of fatigue hits. I’ll just use the elevator. A farther walk along an empty hall, but. Don’t have to worry about paying attention to every footfall this way.

I hit the elevator call button and don’t have to wait long before it's here. Bell rings, doors open, I walk in—and immediately trip over a wheelchair.

“Whoa, whoa!”

It’s easier to place the voice than place my feet flat on the floor again.

“Sorry! You okay?”

Aidan adjusts his glasses. No idea if I just about smacked them off or if he only wants to fidget with something.

“Er, yes, thank you. You?”

“Fine...”

The elevator doors shut, but we don’t start moving. I frown and look over the numbered buttons. Nothing lit.

“I figured you'd be on this floor.”

“Ah. Yeah.” That predictable, am I? “Did you need something?”

“Oh, just to see you smile.”

“....”

“Hmm... Close enough. It’ll do.”

“...Okay, seriously.”

“What, that can’t be a serious mission?”

I turn to push the first floor button, just because chatting in a stationary elevator is weird. It rumbles back to life, and the moment of weightlessness makes me a little dizzy.

“If you’d prefer some elaboration, I’m attempting to gauge the group’s interest in a movie night.”

“Mm. Depends on the movie.”

“I was certainly leaning towards comedy.”

I mean. Beats a Saw marathon.

“But isn’t the auditorium closed at night?” After all, that was Tamiko’s excuse to shoo everyone out of her crime scene.

“......”

“There’s more than one place to watch a movie, don’t you worry.”

“Fair enough.”

“So... yeah. Can’t say I’m super invested, but I’d come to a movie night, sure.”

“Good to know! Thank you.”

The elevator stops with a low rattle, and I automatically step through the doors before looking back. Aidan hasn’t even put his hand on the wheel.

“Didn’t think to ask what floor you wanted.”

“That’s all right...”

“.......”

“Er, the first floor is fine, rather. Thank you.”

I nod, but neither of us moves. Not sure how much he can right now.

“Is it just me, or do you look even more drained than before?”

“.....”

“Considering that’s very highly a matter of opinion, I don’t think I could weigh in meaningfully.”

“...”

“Can I help you to wherever you’re headed now?”

“..................”

“You may wheel me to my dorm room... if you really want to.”

I nod.

It takes a little maneuvering with the doors trying to close on us, but eventually I push him along. Hope going back to his room means he’s going to rest. Not sure how much I can hope for that, but...

I go ahead and unlock his door while I’m at it, though he still beats me to the handle. He winces a bit from gripping it.

“No glass traps here, I hope?”

It takes him a second to catch up.

“Oh goodness no. That would be entirely unnecessary.”

I nudge the door open.

“Thank you...”

“I’ll... see you around, then?”

“Don’t have much of a choice.”

“That’s certainly one way to put it, I suppose.”

“Until then.”

He smiles, but it’s already sliding off his face before he’s turned away. He wheels himself in and pushes the door closed with a soft click. 

I half expect him to faint and collapse immediately afterward, but there aren’t any unceremonious thuds, at least.

If there were, would I go in? Do I trust myself enough to walk in on that sort of scene again and not take advantage of it?

“..........” 

Don’t need to worry about that now. Let’s just get back to... whatever I was planning to do down here. I don’t know. Grab some tea or something and take it from there, I guess. Can’t help anybody if I don’t take care of myself.

And at least getting something to drink is easy. The rest...

We’ll see.

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