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guardian-of-da-gay · 3 months ago

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Breathless

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For Whumptober 2024 Prompt 1: Panic Attack

tw for implied bullying, panic attacks, undiagnosed PTSD

“As far as I’m concerned, this is a good thing!” Knuckles said petulantly from his place at the very back of the car. “Now I won’t have to go back to that school!”

“You’re suspended, not expelled,” Tom said, his hands clenching and unclenching around the wheel. “Means once your suspension is up, you’re going right back to school.”

Looking in the rearview mirror, Maddie could see Tails staring deeply at his shoes. Sonic was wincing, eyes flicking between Knuckles and his parents in the front seat. He was obviously debating joining in the fight, but keeping out was the better option here. Maddie was in no mood for him to make light of the situation or try to cover for his brother.

Maddie felt overwhelmed. Too much had happened that day and it all centered on her eldest. She’d never regret adopting her kids, but out of all of them Knuckles made her feel like she was in over head. She didn’t know what she was going to do with him! She couldn’t believe he’d gotten himself suspended.

She was apocalyptically angry. Even Tom was mad. He was trying to stay calm though. Trying to keep being the fun parent. Maddie was usually all for that, but not today.

“When we get home, you are grounded!” She said. “That means no–” here’s where she would rattle off the fun things he was suspended from: TV? He didn’t care about TV. Video games? He didn’t play any. Going out with friends? He didn’t have any except his brothers (and Wade). Knuckles didn’t do fun things in his free time unless they made him. They’d grounded him from grapes in the past, but he could totally get by without them. Grounding him from training he’d just ignored . But they couldn’t just not punish him. He’d broken a kid's arm and blown up a bathroom for Christ’s sake.

“No going outside!” She said.

“What?!”

“Yeah!” She’d found a good one, she thought. Judging by his angry gasp, she’d actually found a consequence he would actually feel. “No training. No runs. No hiking. Unless you’re with me or Tom–”

“Or the house is burning down!” Tom cut in.

“--or there’s an emergency like the house is burning down! You are housebound, young man!”

Several things happened very quickly after that.

Knuckles yanked on his seatbelt. It locked. He yanked again and broke it completely from its socket.

There was a chorus of ‘Hey!’ ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Dude, chill!’ ‘Knuckles, calm down–!’

Then the back of the car exploded.

The front end was blasted forward into the other lane. Tom jerked the wheel, tires and passengers screaming. The wild swerve had the car tipping violently to the side. Just when Maddie was sure they would flip, it swung back the other way and the car landed, with a jerky bounce, right-side-up, stationary, and seemingly fine. Except the back of the car was gone.

And so was Knuckles.

There was a click as Sonic unbuckled and then he vanished as well. Maddie could see a blue blur vanish off the side of the road, following a burst of red electricity.

She turned to the youngest first. “Are you okay?” She asked Tails in the back.

“I’m fine,” Tails was flinging off his own seatbelt and jumping out of the wreckage of the car, tails spinning.

Maddie turned to Tom just as Tom turned to her. “Are you okay?” They asked each other at once.

“I think so,” Maddie answered, rubbing her neck. She definitely had some whiplash. It hurt now, it would kill tomorrow.

Sonic reappeared at her window. “Something’s wrong with Knuckles!” He cried.

You don’t say? Maddie thought, pressing at the tense muscles of her neck.

“I think he’s having a heart attack or something!”

“What?!” Tom demanded.

Maddie forgot about her neck. She unbuckled and jumped out of the car. Sonic led the way and she ran after, her mind racing along with her feet. Knuckles couldn’t really be having a heart attack, could he? He was far too young and fit. But he had also lived a rough life. Could he have a hidden cardiovascular problem from some old illness or injury? Her vet brain was taking over, mentally flipping through the possibilities.

Tails stood at the top of a short ridge, marking their way. He turned, hands wringing as they approached. “Something’s really wrong with him!” He said. “I don’t think he can hear me.”

Maddie crested the rise and saw Knuckles at the bottom, back pressed against a tree, crouched down with his fists up, blocking his head. Even from where she stood she could tell he was shaking. His quills were glowing slightly. He didn’t look at them.

Maddie stumble-ran down the rise. “Knuckles!” She slowed as she approached. He didn’t acknowledge her, but she could see his side heaving as he gasped for air. “Knuckles?” He still didn’t respond. She wasted a second debating what to do. But she couldn’t give him space. Not when he was breathing like that. “Knuckles, honey, it’s going to be okay–” She touched his shoulder and his whole body jerked away, slamming into the tree.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” He roared.

For the second time that day, Maddie got whiplash. Sonic yanked her away at speed just as an explosion of red lightning erupted from the echidna’s body. She was lifted off her feet and crashed into Tom, who managed to keep his footing at the top of the rise. At this rate, she was gonna be in traction tomorrow.

“Sorry,” Sonic said hastily. “Saw where that was going.”

“Knuckles!” Tom yelled, tone caught between concerned and sharpness. “What are you doing?!”

“What did you do–What–” Knuckles wheezed and gasped for breath. Maddie righted herself. He was hyperventilating. “ What did you do to me?! ” He demanded.

“Woah, we didn’t do anything, Knuckles!” Sonic said, zipping down closer to the echidna. “You’ve got to calm down and let us help you.”

“Get away from m–me!” Knuckles face scrunched, teeth grit as he continued to gasp for air like a drowning man. Red electricity fizzled off of him warningly and Sonic took several steps back. He looked up at Tom and Maddie, his helpless gaze matched by the one Tails was giving them.

“This doesn’t look like a heart attack,” Tom said so just Maddie could hear.

“I didn’t think so either,” she said. “You guys just keep back a second, okay?” She stepped out of Tom’s grip. She didn’t see the look Tom shot to Sonic, but she saw Sonic nod, resolve in his eyes. She had a feeling if Knuckles exploded again, she’d find herself yanked back at warp speed once more.

She approached the trembling echidna, cautious but not afraid. She faced down bulls, pregnant beef cows, and feral cats on a near daily basis. And this was her kid.

“Stay back!” Knuckles roared at her approach. “I’ll hurt you!” He said it like it was both threat and fear. Electricity arced off his trembling body.

“Honey–”

“Don’t call me that!” Knuckles yelled, his voice strangled and breathless. “ You gave yourself away! I know your game–” he wheezed “--you use sweet words so I don’t no-notice you locking the cage door–”

“We’re not locking you up,” Maddie said. “We’d never do that, no matter how much trouble you’re in.” She kept advancing forward, stooping at the waist so she wouldn’t loom over him. “But that doesn’t matter now. I need you to calm down–”

“No! No! ” He growled, sucking air rapidly through his grit teeth. “I need–I need to get away…” He fumbled with his hands, movements made clumsy by his shaking fingers.

“Do you want to go home?” Maddie asked. Maybe he would feel better if they were in a familiar environme–

“I need off this planet!” He ripped at the cuff of one glove and a golden ring flew out and disappeared into the grass. Knuckles let out a sound that was half growl, half sob. He pushed himself into the tree, looking anywhere but at her. “ What did you do to me ?”

Maddie shook her head. “Nothing, honey, you’re just… I think you’re just having a panic attack.”

“I’m being attacked?!”

“No. You’re safe,” she said firmly. “But your mind is tricking you into thinking you’re in danger. But you’re not. You’re safe .”

“Yo- you’re tricking me! I can trust my–my mind!” His words fumbled around his rapid breathing. “I can trust myself! I–” His eyes flitted around, seeking escape.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight again. He was beginning to list to one side. Maddie feared he might actually faint if he couldn’t get his breathing under control.

There was nothing she wanted nothing more than to reach out and right him. Then maybe grab him up into a hug. But she couldn’t. Helpless and overwhelmed, she didn’t know what to do. Hugs and kind words were her go-to methods for Sonic and Tails. Knuckles had spat at her kind words. He’d screamed at her hug. Her big tough boy was falling apart and there was nothing she could do.

“I can’t–I can’t–” Knuckles gasped for breath, clutching at his chest and swaying slightly. “I can’t breathe .”

“I know,” she said miserably. “I know, honey, but you have to. You’re so strong, Knuckles, I know you can. You have to take a deep breath like–” For her it would be yoga, but for Knuckles? “--when you meditate? Try to meditate. Focus on your breathing and nothing else.”

“I want it to stop,” Knuckles said.

“It will,” Maddie promised. “It’ll be over soon.”

Maddie had had panic attacks before, in vet school. She didn’t think they’d been this bad though. Or maybe this was just what it felt like to be on the other side. She’d need to ask Tom.

She resisted the urge to try and get him counting his breaths. When Tom had done that she couldn’t do it and then she’d just felt more stressed for failing to be helped. She doubted Knuckles would feel the same way, but he was so independent–like ‘decides to break the arm of a kid that’s bullying him instead of telling literally anyone’ levels of independence–that he would probably be stressed most that he couldn’t control himself.

No, they just had to ride this out. Maddie remembered it always felt like her panic attacks took forever to go away. It was the same when watching one.

Knuckles’ face scrunched as he breathed forcefully through the nose and out the mouth. It was still too fast. She worried, was he getting enough oxygen? One of his hands fell away from his head and to the ground, propping him up. Maddie squashed the urge to rub his back. She wanted so badly to be able to soothe him, but all she could do was crouch beside him and whisper that it would be okay. It would be over soon and then they could go home.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I started this.” She was sure she was the cause. It made her feel even more awful. “It’ll be over soon. I promise. We’ll go home and you’ll feel better.”

“Will I…” Knuckles’ breathing was a tiny bit slower. “Will I still be g-grounded to the house?”

“No,” Maddie said quickly. Her bright idea didn’t seem so bright now. “I’ll– We, you, Tom, and I, will talk about what would be a fair consequence later.”

His voice pitched up and shook. “Will you break my arm?”

“What? No!”

“I broke that boy’s arm.”

“We will never punish you by hurting you,” Maddie said firmly. “Don’t worry about that now, okay? Just focus on breathing and feeling better. That’s all you need to think about right now, okay? Nothing else matters.”

Maddie didn’t know how much longer it was before Knuckles was breathing normally again. Long enough that she saw a flash of red and blue on the other side of the rise. Someone must have found their empty, destroyed car. At the top of the rise, Tom had the other two boys in some kind of huddle. He left to deal with whoever had just arrived.

Beside her, Knuckles straightened. She glanced over at him. He was sitting more normally, breathing more normally, and looking absolutely awful. Maddie remembered that post-attack feeling. Like a soggy, wrung out dishrag. Even someone as strong as Knuckles wasn’t immune to tha. But it was over.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Maddie said in her softest, ‘approaching a scared dog’ voice. “We can go back up with the others.”

Knuckles didn’t look at her or answer. He just stood up and started trudging up the little hill. Maddie followed after, watching him. His movements were a little unsteady, like his limbs had forgotten how they worked. Knuckles always carried himself like he was eight feet tall. Seeing him off balance and shaken felt wrong.

Knuckles didn’t acknowledge Sonic or Tails. Sonic opened his mouth to say something as he stalked passed, but cut himself off. Instead he and Tails fell in line, flanking their brother as they all headed back to what remained of their car.

Tom was talking to an officer. Maddie couldn’t remember his name at the moment. The man was looking at their destroyed car and scratching the back of his head as Tom spoke to him. He lifted his head so Maddie could see his confusion clearly. His gaze swept over to them and when his eyes landed on Knuckles his expression cleared. He nodded like Knuckles’ presence had just answered a question for him. Maddie was almost offended before she remembered that this was Knuckles’ second act of destruction that day. This was his m.o. Their insurance premiums showed the scars.

Tom turned away from the accident and came jogging over. He watched Knuckles just a little too long as he approached. Maddie could see the moment he realized he was staring. Tom looked away and avoided looking at him again.

There was an awkward pause as the whole family seemed to be waiting to see if anyone would acknowledge what just happened. Maddie was of the mind that they weren’t going to do anything that made Knuckles uncomfortable until he looked less visibly shaken. And Knuckles looked like he wanted everyone to forget the whole thing. So, for now, that’s what she was going to do.

“Uh…” Tom broke the silence. “Wade’s going to come pick us up.”

Oh, Maddie felt a genuine flash of relief. “Oh, Wade?” She looked at Knuckles. “That’ll be nice, right?”

Knuckles wasn’t even looking at her. He was staring at the car with a look of deep confusion.

“Knux?” Sonic asked, his voice softer than usual.

When Knuckles finally spoke, his voice rasped: “What happened to the car?”

All the Wachowskis looked at him with varying levels of confusion, concern, and dismay. Maddie’s heart plummeted and for the first time in this whole incident she felt a flash of true fear. She looked into Knuckles’ genuinely baffled face and knew she was truly, deeply , in over her head.

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