#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it

[the-cooler-king]

Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl

[party-time]

I'm having so much thoughts about Chainsaw Man part 2 rn- dunno what else to do with them other than dump them here after the latest chapter just dropped.

Also this is all just MY thoughts and how i see it, is okay if you don't think i'm right or if you want to add your own take, it keeps things interesting tbf.

Spoilers for Chainsaw Man part 2 under the read more!

Yoru, the war devil.

I just gotta say after this chapter i loved Yoru's character even more, even though i am still pretty resentful for what she did to Denji on that alleyway — which i am not going to talk about here btw—, i gotta say that Yoru being the Gun devil's mother is something that really got me thinking.

We all know that in part 1 the main focus was the Gun devil to a certain point before it all went downhill because of Makima, which only adds another layer of significance for Yoru being the Gun devil's mother.

Yoru clearly CARES about the Gun devil and Tank devil, she cares enough how to NOT turn them into weapons to fight Chainsaw Man at first even after constantly insisting of wanting to defeat him. Sure you could argue is a different type of care and not an actual attachment, after all the few horsemen of the apocalypse we've been introduced to were all pretty much selfish and apathetic to others who didn't had any kind of usefulness to their plans.

Makima wanted Pochita so she used about everyone that Denji cared and got rid of them, Famine most likely helped kill Nayuta to get Denji to snap so Black Chainsaw Man could appear. These were all acts made out of cold blood for their own benefits one way or another, even more we could add that Makima basically killed part of her family, the Gun devil and forced them to become a fiend just for Denji to kill them again. And if Fami really had something to do with Nayuta's death she also killed part of her family without a hesitation.

It's enough to say that Yoru turning her children as weapons now and not long time ago is more of a last resort than out of care for them. But let me also add something to the picture:

She said it. It requires guilt to create a powerful weapon. I don't think is just how powerful the devil might already be but also the amount of guilt Yoru might be feeling for turning said devil into a weapon, in her conversation with Asa she also states that her comrades were all eaten by Chainsaw Man with a look that to me just says that she cared for said comrades to an extent, just enough to make Chainsaw Man vomit them back.

But then again she said the way she could beat Chainsaw Man was by creating two powerful weapons, more than the ones Asa already makes: because they are made out of sheer guilt and attachment.

Even if there was a possibility she wasn't using ALL of her children's body for the weapons there was still the risk of them never recovering from her actions, so it adds up to the guilt for Yoru. We could also make it a possibility that in part 1 the reason why the Gun devil attacked Pochita in the first place was to protect their mother, since we already know that Chainsaw Man ate part of war before in order to weaken her and probably that's when her children come into the scene. Plus we know Makima was also trying to fight him for his attention at that time, so he was basically just jumped by a good bunch of powerful devils.

Sure he gets back up everytime but we already know he's not able to entirety win right away when there's more than one powerful enemy going against him, so at some point he must have been actually defeated and that leads to the whole beginning of part 1.

Probably from that point on when Pochita mets Denji a whole bunch of stuff was happening that we don't know, like probably Makima deciding to use the Gun devil as a way to get close once more to Chainsaw Man or Yoru having to take time to recover while thinking of a way to defeat Chainsaw Man.

You could also say that the reason why the War devil might feel guilty for using her own children as weapons is because she's using Asa's body at the moment, since Yoru already stated that she could feel the same things Asa feels. There are frankly many valid points to believe Yoru doesn't actually feel guilty or attached to her children in any way other than just ownership, after all another requirement for her to turn things into weapons is that Yoru has to believe they are hers.

But would you really look at me and tell me that she doesn't actually feel anything to her children at the moment of this conversation?

Even Asa calls her out asking if she couldn't just have turned the Gun devil and Tank devil as weapons before, even more she brought up the fact that Yoru could just chose to not fight Chainsaw Man at all, after all everyone already started remembering war enough, right? No need to keep chasing after a goal that probably won't make her happy in the end, with a bigger repercussion...

Except that she doesn't. This is a mix of competitiveness and survival, the War devil KNOWS that Chainsaw Man could easily defeat her if he actually wanted to and almost did so, he managed to eat part of her and weaken her once. Nothing could guarantee her that she is "safe" from him, besides it already is pretty obvious she wants to win against him for real, she wants him down and gone not just kill him once but the next moment he's alive again.

She's a horsemen of the apocalypse, yes, one of the most powerful devils there is. But she's not safe either way, i'd say one of the other main factors for Yoru to feel the need of fighting Chainsaw Man is because of the Gun devil.

In part 1 we were already shown that the Gun devil was incredibly feared at those moments due to their attacks, since they're War's children then that also want it or not contributed to Yoru's recovery to be able to go search for Chainsaw Man in part 2, but then we got Makima defeating the Gun devil and everything that happened after that with Aki. My best guess is that the Gun devil appeared in hell again but far weakened after everything that happened, sure people still feared him but i don't think nearly as much as they did before the whole fight with Denji since the Gun devil isn't mentioned anymore in part 2 (as far as i am aware, feel free to correct me if wrong.)

Which if Yoru did cared for her children then that makes her recurring to such lengths as to share bodies with Asa have a lot more of sense, she thought that with all of Asa's guilt over almost everything would make her powerful enough to defeat Chainsaw Man plus people remembering War's terrors, so no need to use her children and enjoy the victory.

Yet that didn't happened, she had to use them anyway and that's what happens.

Even she asks this question to herself before doing so: Would i really go that far?

The answer for more heartless that it seems is not too out of character, after all in wars sacrifices are inevitable just think about the many people that die because of them, people that really have nothing to do with the beginning of said war. That's why Yoru went with it because she wouldn't be the War devil without making sacrifices for a victory, even if the sacrifice was using her children as weapons for a fight that probably won't make her happy in the end.

A mother often has to make sacrifices for her children, in war sacrifices has to be made too. In this case? Yoru just had to make the biggest sacrifice a mother could make in a war that she alone decided to continue.

[shannonsketches]

I'm just ranting about DBS' anime under the cut again don't mind me I'm having a Time

I was so confused about why Goku Black/Zamas is such a popular skin in Fortnite and then I learned that Toei once again missed the whole point of that arc. Both of them. One is Vegeta being inescapably confronted with how loved he is and how much he loves his family, which we knew Toei was never going to allow, but my god, Zamas??

The point of Zamas is that he's a wildly privileged chronically online 4chan fascist deciding an entire way of life which he does not participate in, has a surface-level understanding of, and is not personally affected by, is morally disgusting. Like, that's it that's his whole character. He's a young god with every possible comfort deciding that anything that is not like him is immoral and should not exist.

It has nothing to do with Trunks or anyone, it's solely because he's a shitty little Light Yagami kinnie in his extremely sheltered bubble of (perceived, not lived) experience. Dude is intolerable in the manga, and that's the point. His justice is not justice. His reasoning is outright fascism.

But they also missed the point of Trunks being Alone in the future (save for Mai) and Bulma not being there at all (her murder and subsequent absence in the future timeline is a vital component of the arc's emotional weight for Vegeta and Trunks, in fact, which of course they made about Goku instead :))) y'all really work so hard to pretend goku has any kind of social heirarchy and that scenario wouldn't play exactly the same way with anyone goku loved, but it's too late! we have the freeza saga on your own show to show you he would)

There's no militia, there's no resistance, there's no Help. Trunks is isolated and out of options, his Time Machine only has enough fuel for one trip and he has to take it without Mai. He didn't leave anyone behind, he thinks she's dead. He got out because he thought it was the only thing he could do. He didn't try to bring Goku and Vegeta back, he didn't think there would be a back. He was just keeping his promise to Live, for his mom.

Trunks has no one else in his Timeline. Just him and Mai against Zamas, who has murdered Bulma while she went out to do routine maintenance on their power supply. And Zamas isn't even actively trying to kill Trunks until that point. He's purposefully keeping him alive as a way to make himself stronger. He doesn't hop a ring and go to the AU. He's chillin at his cabin. He's enjoying the cat and mouse game, and is stoked when Goku and Vegeta show up for the same reason. Zamas is abusive and corrosive and DEEPLY self-obsessed (as most fascists are), he panics whenever he starts losing (as most supremacists do), and blames everyone but himself for his situation (as many extreme narcissists do).

And of course this arc wouldn't be complete without Toei's classic 'take everything that was about Vegeta and give it to Literally Anyone Else, just throw him under the bus and completely rewrite how his only time referring to himself as the prince of all saiyans was to goad and distract GB while Trunks healed Goku because Vegeta told him to heal Goku instead of himself for their best chance at winning,, Trunks has to ask Vegeta to go with him to fight Zamas?? Vegeta was like "I'm gonna beat this man to death" the second he found out he killed Bulma lmao be so fr rn!! so this can be about how Goku is morally righteous and a very normal person' but it's fine it's whatever why would I be mad that Vegeta and Trunks aren't doing the intense emotional bonding that losing Bulma would force them to do when we can have (checks notes) Yajirobe be a part of things, for some reason

like i don't--

And Toei just. Nah. We're gonna focus on his power ups and his being mean to Goku, Specifically, is what makes him a bad bad man. "His power is unstable he has complex emotions-"

No he doesn't.

No he absolutely does the fuck not.

He wants every mortal to die and he's having a breakdown that three mortals are standing in his shitty little way. That's it. Very simple emotions. He's behaving like a spoiled brat because he is one.

bruh they even changed it to Vegeta taking an unconscious Goku back to the Present, I'm aksjdkaj

That was fully Vegeta, who snapped at Goku for leaving Trunks behind. (And again, Bulma just??? Being mad at Everyone?? And going to the future?? When in the manga she's running support on the home front?? and then talking up Goku and Vegeta getting mad, despite Vegeta also being like 'i want this mf dead in my hands but Kakarot's our best shot' in the manga?? Adding to his whole motivation in Super of wanting to be strong enough to Not Have to Rely on Goku to protect his family, since his whole thing is consistently not being enough to beat the bbeg? And wtf Little Trunks being super jealous over tiny Mai even though that ALSO is not a thing? He's just "Tiny Boy Laments because his de-aged 42yo Crush has a crush on a 30yo Version of Him after showing No interest in child him because he is, in fact, A Child")

And then had it be Bulma, Trunks, and Mai's fault the seal didn't work when Goku did the ma-fu-ba and accidentally brought one of Roshi's Girlbar coupons instead of the seal?? God Toei's team is really allergic to anything being Goku's fault. Don't think I didn't see you skip over the part where Buu failed his written exam and Goku only barely passed with a 50% and then got mad at Vegeta for suggesting a written exam.

god everything I learn about the anime is the worst thing I've ever learned about the anime aksldjsal

First deciding that ALL of the Z-Fighters, including Gohan and Piccolo, would get their asses collectively beat by Ginyu, who has been a frog for a decade (a frog which was used for the sole purpose of him not being able to switch out of that body, mind), because apparently being a frog is way harder than idk fighting cell and majin buu and beerus, and despite the strongest guy in Freeza's army being Roughly as strong as Cell was, but okay -- just so they could rewrite Gohan's baller action scene of kicking ass and saving Piccolo into Picowo Dead Pls Daddy Save Me I'm Not Stwong Enough Despite Toei Deciding Piccolo Died in Front of Me and My Whole Thing is Rage-Induced Beating Everyone's Ass Syndrome U_U,

but also that Goku Black is doing this because ... Trunks? Upset the timelines? And that, of all the thousands of years of fuckery and 5+ rings from others doing the same shit and having watched a tournament in which one guy's whole thing is altering time, is what we're gonna use to try and drag out this fight and validate Zamas?

And then giving Kale lipstick and making her transformation about a Man? And not about Caulifa getting beat to shit by Freeza to have Kale go 'I thought you'd hate me if you found out I was strong' and Caulifa go 'yo that was fucking rad are you kidding me shine on you crazy diamond'??? Toei that shit was already Highly Lesbeans you didn't need to make it fucking weird and centered around Cabbe and Goku??? FUCKS sake, my man.

I remain so glad Toriyama took Daima away from those writers holy shit lmao Just rehauled the entire thing

and you know what even if I hate it I know it'll be better than whatever the fuck Super's writer's room was on in 2018.

[saltyskeletonkidpasta]

I dont get why people like jack gibson. Not only do I think he's annoying and irrelevant I also think he so so gross and creepy and somehow the writers and fans love him?

I just cannot get over him implying he didn't need p*rn after maya made a comment about her and carina in the next room. Like hello these are supposed to be your friends have some respect it's not hard to not be creepy. And like dropping the pot of sp**m all over the carpet and he didnt even clean it up they made maya do it...absolutely revolting how the HELL is that supposed to be funny? If you found 5x16 funny please stay away from me I dont trust you. And to top it off another gross seed joke..which we already had like him giving them flowers would've been sweet but he immediately ruined it unnecessarily, and him making the entire thing abt himself like I dont wanna know what kind of porn he's into, I dont care abt what he wants/his involvement. I dont get how people think he is so kind and considerate like have you ever heard him talk? The locker room scene fe pissed me off so much like at what point was any of that to do with helping his friends out? It was all me me me..that was his whole motivation. He even went as far to call marina's potential kid a "little him" which after maya melted at the idea of a little CARINA that's like..devastating then was banging on about his "legacy" or whatever like mate this isnt abt you..even in 5x16 maya and carina having their discussion abt a pretty serious issue (being their trust) and jack just butts in like "uhhh well this isnt helping MY issue tho like seriously? Idk why the writers had to make Jack's bio family appear in that way like could they not do it ANY other way? And even if they really did have to do it that way there is no excuse for ALL of the focus to be in HIM and what HE wants and the disgusting dialogue used along with the annialation of carina's character. No one in there right mind would go for that and they even went as far to have carina freak out abt the idea of him NOT being involved right infront of maya aswell? That is so disrespectful to maya and to carina's character and to queer women in general. Carina had always been the smart independent mature one so fuck knows what the writers were thinking? And then it was all completely irrelevant anyway. They didnt even really delve into Jack's bio fam much and carina barely even cared he left.

Also he eats chicken in literally the grossest way I've ever seen then put the bone in the BEDROOM BIN like that is just gross who tf does that especially when it's not even your own house?

And he literally stood right outside marina's bedroom door while they were having sex and after his previous gross comment abt him being able to get off on that..that's disgusting🤢 I dont get what the writers were thinking like they do know who their audience is right? I dont get how they can read over anything in that storyline and think "oh yeah this is so good people will love this"💀 that's actually embarrassing for them but also they're disgusting for even trying it. Ngl I'm pretty sure queer women dont like being fetishised by straight men and like having sex in the same vicinity esp after comments like that..I mean he even asked maya if carina was like "good and ready" or something like bruh..you dont ask that!? I'm sorry but I dont care how awkward he is, I'm very awkward myself but I'm not creepy. It's just human decency to respect boundaries and not say things like that but jack had never respected boundaries throughout the entire show but this was the worst of what we saw of him but they didnt even have him leave afterwards😭 literally all they had to do was change Maya's line slightly like no dont go play music loudly get the fuck out!

That and exposing marinas private info to andy AND vic without permission..he had absolutely no right to tell them especially andy as it was really soon after and marina specifically said they wanted to wait and discuss things further before the next steps and he just blurted it out first chance he got.i really wish they'd let them have a go at him for that. Okay marina should've been much more clear and set proper boundaries beforehand and it would've been nice if paperwork was mentioned but still he is supposedly a "trustworthy guy" (despite him always being the least reliable and most likely to cause trouble on the team since day 1 but the writers were hell bent on giving him another redemption arc) and that is such a break of trust. Then with no consideration to the team or any of his friends just bails without a warning and left the station leaving andy at one of the most traumatic times of her life and left little pru after she lost her dad and lied to everyone yet was literally down the street for like 3 months...

He bailed on the clinic after like 2 sessions of it being open then ben and carina carried it to keep it going they could've very easily let it go under especially carina as she doenst even work at the station? Yet first thing he does when he sees it again is criticise..its not like they were scaring people off the clinic always looked super busy? He is just so ungrateful to what he has.

He made maya's injury all abt himself in 6x07 and how hard it would be for HIM to lose her and was confiding in he literal wife abt this then didnt even go and visit maya in hospital or find out if she was okay? And dont get me started on the whole pam thing in 6x09..listen I didnt like pam but you cant just go peeking in a private medical cubicle especially when you literally k ow there is a pregnant woman in there?!? And the absolute AUDACITY to accuse carina of cheating with his track record. So glad ben put him in his place especially when he implied he'd interfere if it was ben and bailey aswell like how fucking rude are you? but then it ended with him getting coddled again with him being sad boi :( and ben being like "dont worry you arent losing ur family" like this isnt abt you jack..also YOU are the one who bailed on the team and keeps disrupting its trust..? Thays just being a hypocrite like what abt you and andy, You and eva, you and maya, you and vic you and eva AGAIN? Like he was criticising carina when less than a month before he was sleeping with his dead teammates wife who he also slept with when he was still alive and was some what to blame for his death?

I hate him idc what anyone says he is the worst character simply bc he was so unnecessary. Like the only way the writers could keep him relevant was shoving him into business he didnt belong in.

[mueritos]

Hey. Idk if this is me growing up or just being disillusioned with inter celebs etc. Im a 23 yr old trans man so I grew up and was inspired by chella on the YouTube community. But now I just…don’t like chella man anymore. I feel like…he became an industry plant? Over the pandemic asking fans for money to send to him directly to help others and not showing where the money was going exactly incident as well as just becoming older I noticed he seemed to almost want to become the next Keith haring or basquiat? He almost…now seems very fake? He takes deals with brands to be representation but doesn’t do much to call out certain brands for their faults etc.

Idk anymore

I give Chella credit in that he was one of the few transmen that I looked up while I was young, especially with him being BIPOC. Showing him to my family helped them understand me. But that's where the inspiration kinda stops, because it was painful to be surrounded by years-in-transition trans men online when I was absolutely nowhere I wanted to be. That was a me problem tho. But I also didn't know much about his whole donation incident.

Ig heres what I have to say. It's not great to view other people as your justification of your morals. We don't know how people have had to live or how they live now, we don't know what decisions they have to make, and we dont know what kind of fears or goals they have. Chella is allowed to do whatever he wants with his art or his modelling career, just like how I genuinely believe anyone else in the world is capable of making the right decisions for themselves (even if we dont like those decisions!). Im not really concerned with figuring out if hes an industry plant or a "class traitor" (lol) or even if he's "fake". To be honest, I'm all for BIPOC folks getting their $. Does that mean I enjoy seeing wealthy BIPOC folk perpetuate classism and racism? No. Just cuz someone is succeeding for themselves doesn't mean people cant critique them. I guess what Im saying is I see waaay too many people online take the things they enjoy and the people they follow as projections of their morals: "no! stop [Insert celebrity name] you're being problematic and its makes us fans look bad!" Like....Okay lmfao. People are grown adults and are going to make decisions for themselves. Just because you might enjoy a celebrity does not mean your morals are based on how good of a person they are.

and youre allowed to not like the same things anymore just like how people are allowed to change, for better or for worse. I think within online communities there is way too much pressure on "looking" like a good person versus actually being one...because sometimes BEING a good person makes you look absolutely vile in terms of online spaces/communities love of isolating, removing, and deleting "problematic" (and vulnerable) people from their spaces with no trial, discussion, or attempt at conflict mediation. Yea yea I do think people have every right to be criticized just as they have every right to make whatever decision they want, but what Im trying to get at is to really stop viewing anyone with a platform as someone you can other once they dont meet your standards. This is not the same as denouncing or critiquing someone for really egregious behavior (white supremacy, harrassment, bullying, interpersonal violence). Once you kinda start living by your own morals without needing other people's actions/behaviors to justify/define them, you learn to focus on building connections rather than destroying them.

again, this is a much nuanced topic and you prolly werent expecting me to go into this. but ive grown over the years and have engaged in some nasty and vile mob mentality behavior that i just dont vibe with anymore. im not really the kind of person now to speculate online or publicly what other people are doing or should be doing or whether theyre problematic or not. I don't really care about Chella man or most celebrities rn. People r just gonna be people, and I will always have empathy for those of marginalized identities. Free will, autonomy, and self determination goes both ways, but so does accountability, transformative justice, and reconciliation.

but also like kill ur idols lol

[bejoomi]

belated event + general plot call!

hi everyone! now that i'm officially off hiatus it's time to make my Official Plot Call and get back into the swing of things. i'll need threads of all kinds, both regular and event threads for all three of my muses. i'll do what i usually do and write a bit about their current states, as well as what they'll be doing and how they're feeling regarding the halloween event under the cut! and also an event tracker. but please like this post to plot and i will message you soon 💗

JOOMI

GENERAL UPDATE

with dohyun leaving delta, his songwriting trio (dorenmi) with ren and dohyun is broken. he is very sad about it because they had dreams of being The songwriting trio of delta's next bg and potentially the next generation of bgs in general. he is still movin forward though and doing his best to not be Crushed by it. he is feeling a bit aimless though, and he got so used to writing with ren and dohyun that his creative process is all out of whack now, which is p much just as frustrating for him as dohyun leaving. i think he's been trying to do more things on his own lately, both falling into his old habit of shutting down and closing in on himself when he's hurt by Other people, and because he just like...wants to make sure he's still comfortable functioning by himself, because maybe he's Not and if he Is other people leaving his life won't hurt so much. but i think he's also trying to like...do it in a healthy way, and not shut down, and he's also trying to hang out with people that aren't his closest friends because he thinks it would be good to expand his social circle a little. also out of hopes that if someone leaves again he won't feel it as much. this means there's a lot of room for plotting with new people, yay! or reconnecting with people he hasn't spoken to in a while. but he is still pretty sad and is an introvert so he will not be doing anything that requires intricate planning or orchestration on his part slkdfjglsflkf ALSO NEW DELTA PEOPLE!! PLOT W HIM! he will still do his best to be welcoming and be a good sunbae, not an emo ass bitch for them .

HALLOWEEN

joomi is in a Creative Block rn to some degree and this unfortunately is extending to halloween costumes. he would be happy to go out and do halloween stuff with people though....he just probably will not be making the plans. he might honestly go and do some stuff by himself though, like the ghost tour...so there's an opportunity for him to run into pretty much anyone there! or maybe catch him shopping for a halloween costume just Staring at them with nothing calling to him. he could probably use some help in the costume department, especially for the trainee costume contest. he does not feel the need to win it but he does want to do a decent job, if only because delta is running the contest and he doesn't want to disappoint them LMAO he also might go to lotte world and check out the discounts by himself. he used to work there and hated it but it's been a year now and he's kinda interested to see how it feels now. he will probably be weirdly introspective if u run into him there. LJKSDFKLSKLD (also update as i was typing this post: joomi decided he wants to be dead aka a skeleton for halloween. so he will be in one of those goofy ass skeleton body suits for the axis party and probably a mask too that he doesn't wear for more than 5 mins because it gets hot)

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @bexstevie (1/4) thread 2: open thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beseojun (3/4) ✓ party thread 2: @bejiayi (4/4) ✓ trick or treating thread/solo: @beyeseul (4/4) ✓

NAYOUNG

GENERAL UPDATE

nayoung's Situationship (cam) has now left sr media and she is Just A Bit sad. but she's also like wow i can finally focus without him bothering me god bless. LKJSDLKFSLKDF but she's still being pretty antisocial...though she is at least Aware now that she Should interact with people more. there are just not many people in her life she does actively want to spend time with. but she is more willing to do things with others now, though chances are she won't initiate anything unless it is with her Palz, of which there are like, two off the top of my head. KLJSDLKFS so she may need some encouragement from others to not just Work all the time. she is still gaming and working at the convenience store in her minimal free time tho so plots around that are always possible!

HALLOWEEN

she will not go out of her way to participate in anything but if the right person/people ask her to do something she will! HOWEVER she is very determined to win the axis costume contest. she is just way too competitive. she has decided she's going to be medusa and she is going all out. makeup, gray contacts, curled hair, snake staff and snake headpiece – the works. costume is something in this zone. she will probably look very unsettling and will enjoy unnerving people all night! it would be nice if she had someone to get ready with and/or help her do her makeup too so that plot is open if we can get nayoung to like someone enough for that LMAO 😭 but she will also 100% be sucking up to their seniors and getting as much candy and such from them as she can

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beyuji (2/4) thread 2: @bejaeyoung (2/4) thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) party thread 2: @beseira (2/4) trick or treating thread/solo: open

RIHA

GENERAL UPDATE

riha got a dreamwave audition callback for lime BUT she did not actually go and audition. she chickened out and decided to pretend to be sick 😭 she just felt very unprepared for everything and even though she knows auditioning could only possibly be a good experience. she scawed. it made her think about if she Really wants to become an idol or not because she's really only doing it for her late mom and she's very intimidated by it. she thinks she does tho! so she's going to try to focus up so next time an audition opportunity comes around she feels ready for it. it's all made her think of her mom more though, and if riha is good at anything it's Running From Feelings, so you bet she's been trying to fill her life with Activities so she doesn't have time to be sad! unlike the others riha Will initiate and plan things with just about anyone. she's also vaguely looking into vocal lessons on top of the dance lessons she's already taking so she can Actually Improve, so more music-related plots would be nice now! but rly anything goes with her, she's always down for something new. most of the time anyway

HALLOWEEN

riha will be very happy to do halloween related stuff with anyone! she thinks halloween is very fun even though she gets easily scared. she loves seeing everyone's costumes, especially pretty girls LMAOOO that being said she is so facking indecisive she has no idea what she wants to be. so let her tag along with your group costume(s). she is down to go do fun things multiple days in different costumes and she would honestly like to try everything that's going on in the city for halloween! she will be very good at the zombie run honestly bc she's so active. i think she will have a lot of fun w that even though she will also be Screaming. if ur muse gets scared she can probably still run with them on her back bc she is a big strong girl. LKSDJFSFLSFD but she's open for a lot and is once again down for anything most of the time

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) thread 2: @beyuji (2/4) thread 3: @beseira (1/4)

[lunapwrites]

Monthly(ish) Reading - September

Okay so we're clearly a bit late here. There's been a lot going on this month, what with *everything.*

I'm trying something different this go round, because I've found that all my decks have a different "voice" and perspective, and things they tend to focus on. So I thought that since I'm at such a loss right now, I could benefit from a council of sorts lol. As such, I am pulling from all three of my main decks right now, and forgoing the runes and oracle cards since those are for providing flavor, and I already know what the flavor is for this month (terrible.)

So without further ado...

I swear I shuffled that first one.

The first thing that jumps out here is holy shit wands and cups. There's a lot of emotional shit going on, a lot of energy and volatility. However, the effect is largely muted: fire (wands) and water (cups) tend to cancel each other out. So where does this leave us?

ARCHEON: overall positive. This deck likes to focus on my personal relationships, and this is no different. I'm in a place of great change right now but I've generally been taking it all on the chin with as much grace and courage as can be expected. My relationships are a support at the moment and not a burden. If anything, I could stand to lean on my partner a little more. A solid foundation to work from.

CROW: Still a little new to this one and feeling out where its focus is but uh. Jesus fuck. I'm in a delicate balancing act rn. There is conflict brewing right now, which on its own wouldn't be too dire - generally a talk to out issue normally - but unfortunately the wheel keeps wheeling which is specifically a lot of cycle of life bullshit right now. Lots of life and death happening, sunrise sunset, yada yada. To me and around me, specifically. It's a lot. And my mental state ain't great right now. We are probably careening headfirst towards a breakdown of catastrophic proportions. Very cool.

LINESTRIDER: tends to be a little more external, so we're looking at what's around me. Page of Cups? That's Bean. That's always been Bean. We once again have conflict, echoing Crow that it's primarily going to be conflict with communication and ideas/beliefs, which tracks. Hanged Man is begging me to pump the breaks and take a deep breath: let these things sort themselves out instead of trying to control every little thing. (Did my partner write this?) I have great support around me, everything I could possibly need or want. But I can't see the forest for the trees right now and I'm ignoring all of those good things in my life because I'm focusing only on the bad. [Points at self in mirror] Stop that. Like, yes, shit has been bad recently. I've taken a lot of emotional hits. But Jesus Christ. Get out of your head. Breathe.

So to kind of triangulate the messaging here, nothing is actually as catastrophic as it appears rn, and I desperately need to shift my mindset and start faking it just to make it for a bit because if I can't pull myself out of the swamp of sadness here, imma make like Artax and fucking drown in it. And no one can do that for me unfortunately which really sucks because I'm just. Exhausted.

Anyway that aside this was a neat exercise, I feel like I just sat down for an intervention with myself lol. Let's do this again for the next crisis lol.

[transsexualhamlet]

Hi :)) for the fics ask - 💌📡🍭🎈🎀🍉🦋

OMG THATS SO MANY???? i love you anon

ask game

putting a readmore because um. so many questions

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

SHAKES AND WHIMPERS finally someone asks me about my wips............. oh dear oh dear oh dear. Trembling wet and pathetic awkwardly holds out 25 pages of handwritten Mairon apologism covered in blood sweat tears . This is one of those ones that I'm terrified I'm going to be dogpiled over in the fandom because. Silmarillion fandom. Intimidating. This is the first time I've read the book and these bitches are veritable scholars in Arda history and languages. Like they have damn phds. doctarates. I'm just like hi I think he did nothing wrong ever except for all the atrocities and the atrocities were fine because it's international womens day and hes like a woman to me.

Anyway I should. Actually explain them i just I have two things going on one of them is just. Six pages of independent ramblings written all at once fueled by "I just woke up with the sickest ass line of dialogue ever conceived and I need to bring it to justice Right Fucking Now" and the other is what will probably end up being a chapter fic with six or seven chapters though I haven't. Decided what point I'll end it at. I'm two chapters deep and I have tons of motivation rn so hopefully. Things will continue that way because god have I been known to abandon works of that length. (looks at the bond fic) (looks at osamu dazai is dead) (looks a-)

The first mentioned one is well. I think it's just such a funny quirky girl trait of his to have not only founded a human sacrifice death cult but to have gotten it sugar daddy funded by batting his eyelashes at the king of Numenor it's just. Truly wonderful situation and I feel it is not spoken of nearly enough. The basic concept of that snippet is "pov ur defeated enemy/prisoner/mistress/royal advisor's bedroom talk involves apocalyptic sermons dooming you to eternal suffering if you don't worship his dead ex".

The other one is pretty self explanatory and has probably been done a million times, just my take on the untold hashtag "Seduction of Sauron". Basically several chapters of Melkor convincing Mairon to seize the means of production this one is very well. It's not very favorable to the methods and ideas of Eru it is decidedly anti-Eru

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

I mean that's like, half of what fandom is. It's sharing words (both fanfic and headcanons/shitposts/analysis/incorrect quotes etc) and images (art/memes/edits/screencaps etc). We wouldn't really fandom without it.

🍭why did you start writing?

It's really just how my brain works? I can communicate so much better written than out loud. I've literally been writing since before I can remember. Both my parents are writers and my parents tell me I narrated stories out loud to myself at night before I knew how to write on paper. I just. I really liked saying things and telling stories and once I started I pretty much never stopped though of course the writing I did as a first grader was not the same kind that I do now.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I mean, as a fanfic writer I always try to make my writing fit the mood of its source material, so there is definitely a lot of variation between say, my lotr fics and my owari no seraph fics. But I know that I do have many qualities of my writing that are recognizable throughout pretty much everything I do. I have a rather pretentious style, and I focus significantly on body language, exaggerated emotion, flowery metaphors, and internal dialogue. But my humorous work does sound pretty different, though I mostly don't do that unless it's for a general audience who I feel insecure being flowery and sincere around.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

Aww, ok. I mean I think the best thing about my writing is that it fits my personal tastes perfectly. I write 99 percent for myself and the other 1 percent for the six people on the internet who will froth at the mouth over it. I write mostly to articulate and cement my Strong Feelings About Concepts And Ideas and writing them helps me literally understand how I feel about things and what it really is I'm trying to get at. It's an added bonus that other people also like it :)

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

I can't really say I'm a super trauma-ridden individual, though I guess I've had my moments. Mainly writing does for me what I said above. I turn to it to have peace of mind and delve into the concepts that thrill and move me. When I feel overwhelmed and empty and unsatisfied and confused I know it's because I haven't written recently. Maybe thats the autism

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

There's always just the general anxiety that it will be seen by the general fandom as uncalled for and cringe. I'm always worried I will be seen as a Fake Intellectual for my pretentious style and often limited knowledge on the source material and I'm worried especially when I enter a new fandom that I'll just be completely off and get 80 billion things wrong. The more I interact with, know about and post for a fandom, the less anxious I get because it's been established people like it and aren't gonna kill me.

[fkinavocado]

Dreea I think a while ago you were going through a tough time and I mentioned I was as well? I don’t know if it’s just the time of year but my mental health has been soooo up and down. I feel sooooo stuck with kind of getting my life back in a way and I’m so scared at the moment of ending up alone while everyone I know is having success and getting married while my brain keeps me hiding. I’m just tired of my life rn really? Did you feel like anything really helped you overall at all?

nah hun i'm still very much down with the blues. like. it's bad. i just don't talk about it or try very hard to hide it because i don't want ppl to feel like i'm a debbie downer or i'm just being whiney or an attention whore somehow. i genuinely hate my depression and i'm ashamed (maybe it's the wrong word or not something to be ashamed of) that i can't seem to shake it off this time around enough so that it's tolerable at least

so i don't have any words of wisdom sadly :( i'm looking forward to my trip but also kind of not? like i kinda just wanna stay in bed all day if i'm being honest. which is bad. but that's the reality of it. but with my trip this summer it did help me a bit. so i'm hoping it will this time around too. i know it's not something feasible in the long run, and i'm just hiding problems under the rug by running away from things temporarily.

i would say just try and focus on doing things you enjoy without feeling guilty for it. i'm not following my own advice but i think that would help:( i'm sorry you feel like that.. cuz i know how awful it is. sorry i don't have any real advice. hope you find a way to feel better soon!!

[chlo3sevigny]

thoughts on antonoff's ubiquity in the pop music industry and 'midnights'

imo his synth and reverb obsession works perfectly with this album. to me the whole idea of sleepless nights spent on overthinking has the feeling of blurred perception of time and space, while the only sound you hear is your voice echoing inside your head with no release. so in my terms, this was the best stylistic choice for this album, but of course it's not the case with some music he's produced in the past.

like 'sling' and 'solar power'.

first of all, who even let him enter the production room? he should've stayed away from those projects and let other people guide clairo and lorde on those albums bc he just doesn't have the ability to work well within certain music genres. also i think he produced too much music in last 3 years – excluding 2022 – and got too repetitive with no room left for experimenation.

but from what i see, he didn't really do much last year and in 2022 we only got the minions soundtrack (lmao), 'midnights' and the 1975's album. imo all of them turned out great, so i'll just stick with the theory jack shouldn't produce too much within a certain period of time.

since i've mentioned 1975 i can't just leave it like that and i HAVE TO say jack's done an AMAZING work in reviving their old sound, without making it feel outdated. the 1975've been heavily influenced by the 80s since the first eps, so jack's input here is unquestionably appropriate. he helped them find the balance between the sound that essentially helped them get into mainstream and their following exploration of their own voice. imo this was the greatest move they could've pull rn – marketing- and music-wise.

current tumblr revival and 30-year-olds quarter-life crisis of og tumblr girlies is the perfect moment for bringing back the memories of carefree teenage days spent on the internet and listening to the 1975's self titled album. and i think it wasn't on accident – matty's too self aware to even think he didn't expect the new album to become fans' new favourite. he knows his listeners thanks to being chronically online. calling a song a continuation of 'robbers'? yeah it's no coincidence.

so did they do a right thing by bringing antonoff to this project? absolutely. i can't imagine anyone else helping them get back to their best.

but did taylor do a right thing? imo – yes. jack's one of her best friends, which probably helped her touch on so many triggering themes. all in all, the whole album is about topics that didn't let her sleep at night. is it repetitive? somehow. there are many melodies that bring to mind some of her older songs, but to me it's a good thing, because i feel like 'midnights' is not an era on its own, but more of a glue connecting her previous albums and kind of a closing chapter for taylor.

lyrically, themes on the albums are not new to us. musically, we can pinpoint to the specific album a song remind us of. and that's why i don't think any producer would work here. it had to be someone, who taylor trusts. someone who knows her and views her as more than just a music sensation, because this album wasn't meant to be a new era for taylor. she's happy, she's healing and she just wants to make music. and this time it felt like the music was supposed to serve as the closing door to her nightmares of the last 10+ years.

even though both the 1975's and taylor's album are filled with antonoff's synths and reverbs, it's not a bad thing. these exertions work great for both artists and their current music motifs. but should antonoff work with every single mainstream indie pop artist? obviously not. imo he should say no more often and focus on projects which would benefit from his distinctive music likings, and not just every mainstream pop albums that's trying to flirt with indie influences.

anyway. antonoff fed me good these last two weeks. i feel like i'm 17 again and never want to die.

[yrbutchgf]

hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

[tetedump]

hey!! i was wondering if you could tell me about the different kinds of trauma focused therapies that exist rn? if possible haha

ooOOOoooOooOoOoOOo fun question.

so there's a bazillion. I am a wee uni student. I will not be able to touch on them all, and I do not know enough to really fully explain any of them, but I can mention a few that I've learned about in class and in looking for my own treatments.

so you've got psychotherapeutic treatments (non-med, so talking or behavioral) and pharmacological treatments (medicine)—but the two are sometimes joined together.

cw description of trauma-focused therapies

pharmacological (+ psychotherapeutic) (first just bc it's the category i know least about) So like there's really cool treatments with ketamine, for example, that gets taken before a longer talk therapy session, and the therapist helps the patient ride it out and really cool work can be done that way. Similarly for psilocybin (magic mushrooms), or microdoses of MDMA. All of these things are earlier on in their research stages, and all is prescribed by a clinician. Most involve being at the clinicians office for the majority of the high, and doing work with the therapist throughout this experience.

psychotherapeutic There are so many. I know very little about trauma-focused CBT (TF-CBT), but I know a lot of people are trained in that. There's eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) which is super cool. You don't have to have a really good relationship with your therapist for this to work properly, so it can be a really good option for people who have difficulty trusting and connecting to others. This is what I'm doing currently, and I highly recommend:) There's internal family systems (IFS) which operates around the idea that there are different parts of all of us. Like how sometimes people say things like 'a part of me will always be with you', just for example. IFS then is like 'ok lets focus on these different parts of you!' So there might be a part of you that feels scared with thinking about this trauma, or something else, there's a part of you that feels angry, a part of you that wants to run away, a part of you that can't move, etc etc etc just for examples. IFS lets each of these different parts exist, without judgement, because they all are you. (My therapist puts a bit of this into my treatment which I like; we talk a lot about child parts:) ) There's prolonged exposure therapy, which is about teaching your mind that the memory on its own is not dangerous, and anxiety will decrease over time.

This is just a general overview, let me know if you want to know any more about any specific one and I can do my best to look through my notes:)

I also think it's worth thinking about whether you might want treatment for an isolated incident of trauma, or multiple incidents (this might point more towards complex-PTSD, or C-PTSD). If it's the multiple incidents, I'd recommend checking with your clinician that they have experience treating C-PTSD, as it can be a lil more convoluted and layered to work with.

all of these treatments are stupidly expensive, at least in the US. imo, that shouldn't deter anyone from trying to get treatment—you can explain your situation to the therapist, and most will be able to reduce the fee. if you have insurance, you can also check to see how much money your insurance will reimburse you, if the therapist isn't covered fully by insurance (which most aren't). you can also check to see if there are any clinical trials going on at a hospital or clinic near you, and that might be a good way to get cheap or free treatment.

let me let me know if there's anything else I can help with!! also if you know something different please feel free to message in the comments, or if i explained something a little off pls let me know that too:) <3

[organic-guacamole]

I've got a lot of thoughts on this finale.

starting with the length.

27 minutes? really?

I'm not asking for a 2 hour episode but cmon, at least give us something closer to 40 minutes.

next, the characters

the characters just didn't feel like themselves, especially portwell.

all season long we saw how much potential they had, how well communicated they were, how good they were at being a proper, healthy couple, and now they just can't talk to each other?

it doesn't feel like them.

portwell had arguably the best set up of all the other ships, they showed us how good they had the potential to be only to throw in a cheap plot to wrap it up? I would understand that they want some angst to make the ending all the more satisfying, but this was pathetic.

there I said it.

of all the ways to add drama in a ship, don't use the one that completely contradicts their entire development.

paired with the length of the episode, it seemed even more poorly written.

here I made a lovely, handy dandy homemade graph to represent how I see portwell's storyline:

as i said before, we saw the build up being nearly perfect. they peaked during episodes 9-11 because they just had the chemistry, the communication, and the most potential to be the endgame couple.

they just got eachother.

then we get Jamie popping in for 10 seconds and erasing a lot of that, only for mediator Ashlyn to jump in and solve their problems.

then there's the "kiss".

I know that Sofia is underage and that even if she/her legal guardians consent to the kiss, the writers can still decide not to show it, but still. In my opinion, if you're not going to show the kiss, then don't bother.

there are other ways to establish a relationship that would work better in this situation. Of course if they get together they'll have to kiss sometime, but one way they could postpone it is by having Gina be a bit more reluctant to give away her first kiss like that. it could also show how accomodating EJ is.

I like to think that Gina is very meticulous when making decisions so she'll probably want to be very sure of the relationship before giving him her first kiss. perhaps she'd stick to cheek kisses until she's ready, and then she kisses him and he's surprised.

that would've been, in my opinion, a sufficient way to hold off the kiss while still wrapping up portwell until season 3 when Sofia would be 18 (assuming they get picked up for S3 this summer then start filming fall-winter. Sofia will be 18 in January).

as my friend @rtcosley (idk why it's not letting me tag them, so their page is linked) said,

"They created like 10 plots

And instead of wrapping it up

They added 4 more"

there's just so much more they could've done...it's the season finale for crying out loud.

I get that seblos already had (what I assume is) their storyline for the season, the fight and resolution. Ignoring the fact that that only lasted for 2 episodes and didn't have anything to do with what we were expecting, (i.e.the financial differences between their families, as mentioned in episode 1, the fact that everyone treats seb like he's stupid, this being carlos' first show and the drama that the stress of that caused, etc.), seblos had to purpose this episode than to stand next to eachother and be gay.

I get that they're not part of the core four or anything, but the poster for season 2 has all of them, as opposed to season 1 just being the core four.

They deserved better, just like redlyn and kowie.

redlyn's arc was pretty early in the season compared to the other ships. they had Ashlyn confessing her insecurities in episode 3, antoine stirring the pot of confusion and causing a bit of distance between them briefly, and then big red confessing his goals and plans for the future in episode 8 and for the rest of it, we just see them getting closer and more comfortable with each other and caring about each other more and more.

they had a good arc together.

but that's just it. I wanted to see them have their own arcs. but then again, this show can't seem to balance multiple storylines. I think it is possible, but not when they keep adding new characters that don't contribute anything much to the story(more on that later).

kowie's storyline is... confusing.

I really like their dynamic, how carefree and happy Kourtney gets around him, how she's remaining true to herself and managing a million and one things, plus a relationship in her own without losing herself to it all.

but the main issue I have is that the entire development was never shown.

we went from strangers, to coworkers, to friends that flirt, to lovers that text constantly and went on numerous dates (and Howie met her mother at some point). but all of that, was off screen.

it's like the writers made every episode with them in it kind of thrown in at a new stage of relationship progression and said "here, accept this, no questions asked because we don't have answers"

I just wish we could've seen more of howie trying to get in her good side again after episode 7 because it seems like that's when a lot of it happened.

I appreciate the Rini scene in this episode, seems to be the very end of them, for good this time.

i'm happy about that.

Ricky especially deserves to be free for a while to focus on his development, and Nini has the chance now to really shine through her talents and make a name for herself.

The Rini storyline is the only one I'm fully satisfied with.

now, that being said;

what the heck are they trying to pull with Lily and Ricky rn???

just like that.

after lily being the villain this whole season, they're just gonna not redeem her and then have her confess her feelings to Ricky, a guy she barely knows and only talked to to harass and intimidate, and for him to reject her publicly then call her afterwards?

please I hope it's just to say "you dropped something, here it is and never contact me again, thanks." /hj

speaking of the villains, this season was promoted as the season of rivalry between North and East High right? so why did that plot idea only progress in about 3 out if 12 episodes?

we got Zackey Roy in there for a few episodes then he disappeared, Lily just caused Gina to stay true to her friends in episode 2 and 7 and then basically did nothing else?

this is what I mean by the new characters providing nothing to the show.

the writers can't manage having so many characters and plots at once so they start so many promising arcs, only to kick them aside later on.

we already know that the first half of the season felt like filler episodes, so I think they could've cut those down to leave room for the more important plots to take root, rather than have them pop up and get rushed at the end of the season.

all that, and they just add 4 more plots at the end of the season.

this post sounds very negative looking back...but if I'm being honest with myself, I'm just very very disappointed.

I love this show so much and I really expected better for the season finale, especially if they don't know if it's getting renewed or not.

given the IMDB ratings of this episode so far, I don't have very high expectations for the renewal, but I'm still hopeful because this show is a great thing, one of the best things that happened to me over the course of this quarantine. I've become so attached to this show, the cast and the friends I made through it, that I don't know what I would do if it just ends like this. writing these reviews and posts about this season has been so fun for me to do and thinking that this may be the very last one is a painful thought.

I'm sorry if you were expecting this post to be as light-hearted as my other posts about the episodes, I just had a lot to say about this episode in particular.

all my episode posts are tagged with "#guac's episode text blocks :)" in case you wanna read through and reminisce the simpler times🥲

[weabooweedwitch]

I don’t want this to come across as, like, pity because it’s not and I’m sure you don’t want that, I mean this in the normalest, friendliest, least parasocial way possible because having followed you for years and spoke to you a few times it sucks that you are in this situation and have had to repeatedly go through it: can we help you somehow? Ko fi donations, Amazon wishlist, therapy fund etc? Is there anything we could do to make things a little more bearable?

For one I just wanna say that it actually just in itself means a lot that people are wanting to help me or at least vocally reaching out because like.. this is such a big world we're living in and its so easy to feel like i dont mean shit or matter for shit or can change shit at all so its nice to know that like. I dunno.. im glad i was able to kinda find this space for myself because like i dont really have a social life and without you guys (using "you guys" as a general word for all of my online friends rn) i wouldn't have anyone else to turn to

And also I don't perceive you guys wanting to help me as pity at all and really its kind of just validation because I'm basically 24/7 doubting myself and "am I valid for x, am I valid for y" so when im having kind of a crisis and people actually say "shit bro you ok" that feels better than like. I dunno. What does mother usually say. Stuff that's meant to be supportive but is kind of just toxic positivity like "You're overreacting and don't even think about it" which, those can be valid grounding techniques but like, you usually try and soothe the initial feeling first and then tell yourself not to think about it if you're obsessing over it

So I typed up what accidentally turned into a huge paragraph but, as nice as an Amazon wishlist sounds --because it makes me feel good people like me and gifts are always nice of course-- I would feel guilty for even making that public, and, to be realistic, my rent is very cheap and the only reason I don't have a lot of savings is because I keep spending money on bullshit. I kind of need to exercise restraint and actually save money because uh like I've been working for like 2 or 3 years now and I basically still have what I started with. So. I guess TLDR is "i would feel guilty accepting gifts i can technically afford for myself and also I would feel like a total chump beggar 😔". Maybe when I learn more self kindness I'll feel less guilt accepting gifts I guess? Where i am right now, it just feels like I'm being, I dunno, manipulative

Monetary donations are kind of the same and I'm stricter on that and try not to take money unless there's some kind of emergency. I do worry about money a lot but its usually always in the "how can I support myself on my own in the future" sense. I mean, most people put away a small part of every paycheck, but my savings account actually kind of expired and got closed so I just have the one checking one and uh, it's easy for me to keep pulling out of it, you know 💀 but that circles back to "i have to personally learn how to exercise financial restraint" and also like. Let's not. Think about how all the socioeconomic policies in America aren't even remotely in my control so I should uh try and ignore that technically no job is paying enough and everyone has to have roommates or a spouse to afford anything 😅

And also. Yeah I'm ok on like therapy funds and stuff because I'm actually on state insurance, actually I'm trying to cut down my work hours to guarantee I stay in the right financial bracket so I can keep it. I was talking to a couple people last night and I might consider going to a doctor again soon but im really hesitant about it. It kinda seems like I need a more thorough evaluation from a psychiatrist and. Well.

I think my first "big goal" for right now is that I should put some money aside and. Uh. Well. Kinda quit my job for a while so I can focus on those sorts of things. I feel really bad even saying that but the fact is, the fact is, im a person with severe mental illness and depression and my current job involves random strangers constantly constantly treating me like shit and sometimes getting very verbally abusive and aggressive and sometimes just having someone suddenly approach me can be very startling? Did I ever tell you guys about the time a random older man just came up from behind me and briefly grabbed me from behind? It was ad a joke and I was on edge watching my peripheral vision for motion that entire week

So I guess to make a long story short I think I should. Focus on what I want to do in terms of medicine right now and really fight to pursue the fact I think some really important diagnoses have been missed, and to do that without a lot of stress, to have a flexible schedule to see a doctor, I think the best decision is to take off work for a while, which I think is a good idea anyways? So to do that with a clear conscience I just want to have a few months of my portion of rent and then some extra in my bank account so I won't have to stress about immediately getting back to work or getting a new job. Because that's another decision I have to make: for I want to brave the current job market and look for another job and risk the one I currently have.

Long answer is long but I have a lot of thoughts right now 💀 talking with you guys has been a huge help in of itself so thats the only payment I'll accept for right now 🥰

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[bookwyrminspiration]

WAIT. I'm late to the party but I just remembered all those anons were sending in "why I send you asks" and their reasons and I actually really want to participate, so I hope you will accept late applications?

The reason I send you so many asks is because you've just...built such a nice feeling that anything can be discussed, and it's never too niche or cringy or boring, and that's really relieving and amazing.

I'm sure you (along with many others) have realized by now, but I suffer from....really bad anxiety, both social anxiety and just in general, and it very often gets in the way of my life. Because of this and past experiences, I'm always very scared and hesitant to talk about my interests and my thoughts on anything.

But every time I've sent you an ask, even if it was, in retrospect, probably really annoying to read through the one hundred "sorry"s and "my bad"s, you've always been nothing but kind and interested in my ideas, and that was just...so surprising. Because I never really knew anyone who was willing to talk about anything, and it was just...really amazing to meet someone who was! Especially because I love and am interested in so many different things and kind of need someone to bounce ideas at. And it was really cool to see someone that was unashamed of their own interests and thoughts, but didn't make others feel bad for having different ideas.

Every time I send you an ask, you always have something interesting to say back. Something I hadn't thought of or considered, or a query that would make me rethink my own theories, or just a very well-thought-out answer to a question. I remember sending in tons of asks about the wings AU before it was released, and writing those was probably the highlight of my day, because I knew you'd take them and run with the ideas, and do your best to match my energy, and I was really grateful for that. And you were always willing to dig deeper, to think "but what if there was more?" and that's just...incredible! I don't have any other word for it!

I love sending you asks because you don't dismiss an idea or deem it as stupid, and you're just...such a kind and wonderful person that can make even the most obscure subject infinitely more interesting than before, and you never fail to make me consider things again, to expand my thoughts and views, and I'm really grateful for that.

So, because it should definitely be said by now, thank you!

And, well, that's why I love sending you asks :]

- pyro

there is no timeline so there's no way to be late! and I'm answering this a few days after you sent this, so if you believe yourself to be late then we can both be late together :D. you are fully welcome to participate if you want to (which you said you did)! it was mostly just a random question I had because i'm just as analytical with myself as I am with keeper, and knowing how other perceive and think of me is helpful for that--and I was curious about how i'd aquired so many asks so quickly, and then you all just turned it into complimenting quil hours for some reason !! (but on to your ask before I get even more distracted)

(note from a quil who has answered all of this: got very long so that's why there's a readmore! i love you /p)

this means so much to me--specifically your use of "built" because I do try pretty hard to maintain a positive atmosphere and welcome everyone in and treat everyone with the same attention. it didn't just fall into place, i try to be encouraging to everyone and support all the amazing work--art, writing, ideas, etc--I see from people. (note: i've been wanting to do a thing where I ask for fic/art/other recommendations from others (can be friends or their own) so i can go through and reblog a bunch of them with comments and the like, I just want to get through more of my asks before I start something like that). But you're right--nothing is too niche! there's so many details in the story it's impossible for one person to notice anything, so people bringing up the obscure and their own thoughts makes the story richer and more fleshed out for everyone else! and i think it's really cool to just see what other people focus on (like I said, my analysis isn't limited to characters, but I'm not like dissecting you all to understand each of you in a creepy way or anything. I just like to get a better sense of someone so I can respond in a way more tailored to them when we interact)

anxiety can really suck, so as someone who also has anxiety i am giving you a comforting hug if you'd like one. it genuinely impacts everything you do and think about, rewriting how you experience life. a single, inconsequential experience to someone else can literally change major aspects of how we think, which makes interactions so scary sometimes. i remember things people said years ago and still base my actions around them, but those people have absolutely no recollection of ever saying it, but just the fear of having done something wrong once permanently altered my thinking. (this is not to make this about me, I'm just trying to show I understand by sharing an experience of my own).

reading through all your "i'm sorry"s and "my bad"s wasn't annoying and never will be. you have never had anything to apologize for, and I know that sometimes you feel you need to enter a conversation and first apologize for being there, but I'm thrilled to have you here and always love seeing you in my inbox. I don't know how to articulate this properly, but I'm going to try. i saw your apologies and your apprehension as...a puzzle? that's absolutely not the right word but I can't think of the right one so please let me explain (I don't mean to imply you're like something to be solved or a problem in any way. words can be difficult and I'm trying to describe something very intangible rn, so I hope this doesn't sound bad). I didn't see it as annoying (you're never annoying), I saw it like it was something to work through, and while it's not my job or anything to help other's with their personal problems, it was like if I could just provide one space where I could encourage you (not just you, but anyone) as a friend to try shifting your language and start thinking of yourself more positively, then I wanted to give that.

because I am interested in your ideas! and I want to be kind and welcoming to you! but I also want you to be kind to yourself, so any impact I've had to give anyone a safer, less scary space is really cool. I don't know if that made sense, but I'm not trying to talk down to you or anything or be like I'm this high and mighty figure harboring lost souls or something, just that connection is important and I like being there for people. kinda worried that sounded bad because it feels worded strange but I'm trying to reciprocate and say i appreciate you and am happy to talk about anything!

i love bouncing ideas back and forth and you are more than welcome to say anything and everything you're thinking about. talking to you is always an absolutely joy and I get so excited when you send me an ask and when you're reading my response, because it often feels like this like...buzz? like we're just vibing on this frequency and it makes it so much fun to throw ideas back and forth and just listen to each other talk. i am very glad to have surprised you and met you! I don't know a lot of people like myself either, so having someone like you interact with me and just go all out on these little things and what we personally like about different parts of the so much fun. a lot of the other people I know irl feel like they just scratch the surface, they say things just to get credit for it and to appear like they know what they're talking about while ignoring all these other things that have such an impact, so it's amazing to have found someone else who looks at everything and anything like I do. my brain really is "a little bit of everything all of the time" so knowing you have so many different interests too is really cool. i am giving you an internet high five and pretending you aren't so far away.

I spent so much of my life being quiet when I had so many thoughts, so now that I have this kind of outlet I just! want to say everything I can! i want to look at everything from every perspective possible! the world is a huge collection of things tied together and I love following the strings to find the connected pieces! but I think that's a way of approaching the world not a lot of people share (I could be wrong), so it's really cool to hear you think my thought process is interesting!! my brain is practically composed entirely of questions. any subject at any time of the day and nearly all of my thoughts are just wanting to know more and trying to understand things, so having that opportunity to ask further questions and just learn things (about what other's thing, how things work, etc) is so much fun. you might've seen me ask some questions of other's in a few of the asks I answer, but those barely scratch the surface of just how many I have. my handle is in_quil_sitive (inquisitve) on nearly every social media platform (except for this one) for a reason.

I remember some of your asks from before the wings au was published, too. those were absolutely incredible, and I got a rush of excitement every time I saw you sent another. those were the the highlight of my week, too!! your enthusiasm and excitement for something I hadn't even posted yet gave me so much motivation to continue and you helped me think through so many future ideas and consider things from new perspectives. i know i specifically wrote that you inspired one chapter in the notes, but you've had an impact on every single chapter of this story/ it wouldn't be what it is without you, and I mean that with complete sincerity. you were the one who made me think "what if there was more" so I could make this au even better and work towards something bigger. I just have so many thoughts about everything all of the time, I can't go more than a few minutes without being distracted by a different train of thought, but knowing there was someone who would want to hear all the weird, disjointed ideas i'd strung together and composed into a more cohesive format was so cool. there's just so much to think about!!

I probably sound repetitive at this point but I love answering your asks because you're so receptive to the way i say things and it's like you're actually listening and want to hear what I specifically have to say, not just the general ideas. you want to know my unique, personalized opinions and perspectives and don't just dismiss them when they're not what you expect to hear or aren't generic. you're incredibly kind, too, I hope you know. I love the description of how I can "make even the most obscure subject infinitely more interesting than before." that is such a meaningful compliment to me. I just keep thinking about this line over and over again and it just...it really means a lot. because you're saying it's me that interests you and not just what I talk about. I could talk about anything and you'd still want to interact with me and that's so fucking nice. I hope you know the same goes for you. we can challenge each other's thinking together and make things even deeper and more complex before together <33.

thank you for being here and being my friend, pyro. talking to you is always one of the highlights of my day and gives me a very positive feeling that I carry around for a while. I do this thing sometimes where I film myself to later observe my behaviors in the middle of intense emotions to understand myself better (back to that whole analysis thing again), but it's not just negative things, it's also when I'm really excited or pleased with something and jumping around and stimming and all that, and some of those are from when I interact with you. that might sound a little weird but I mean it positively, as in talking with you makes me ecstatic.

I have said. so many things. so I will stop (for now). but I really appreciate having you in my life <33