#So I'll probably be posting a lot more frequently for a few weeks

[forgetful-river]

Old experiment with colors

[generalsmemories]

Jing Yuan the... Lion

✧ jing yuan x gn!reader

✧ based on the ask: how would the characters react when jing yuan somehow magically transforms into a lion (like mimi) for a day? x reader is ok!! - requested by @/ephemeralyae

✧ contents: humor, established relationship, fluff, mentions of other characters

✧ a/n: i've noticed a certain pattern with my writing sideblogs, and that is the fact that i'll always get this sort of request HAHA. And in line with similar patterns, this will be the first post written in a headcanon format! i went the x reader route with just a hint on how characters would react (not that big of a reaction, moreso what they have to do in this situation) so i hope it was okay!

not beta-read again lmfao.

✧ He is as confused as everyone else with this situation. One moment he's sitting idly by his office, writing on his desk and the next moment he's left staring dumbfoundedly at a gigantic paw quite similar to the paws he squishes quite frequently back at home.

✧ Is the quick rundown you're given when you arrive at the Seat of Divine Foresight along with Fu Xuan and Yukong - having been frequently spammed with incoherent messages from Qingzu in the span of a few minutes.

✧ And although this very much is a serious situation - nevermind the mystery that the Divine Foresight is always absent from his usual seat, if he actually stays in this lion form for more than a day everything onboard the luofu will be behind schedule and he will for real be absent from the Seat of Divine Foresight because he's going to be taken in by the alchemy comission to figure out how to turn him back.

✧ And yet, as everyone is scrambling around trying to figure out a solution to turn him back and a reason to why he specifically was turned only - you're just left staring straight back at the lion with soft white hair and golden eyes who seem all to relaxed when staring back at you.

✧ Heck the tail is even comfortably swaying back and forth - even though he's well aware of the chaos he's caused.

✧ "... You know everyone in this room is in a disarray because of you, right?" a small roar that oddly sounded like his usual laugh, "... Yukong have to be able to discreetly send a message to the other flagships without even alerting anyone else in the Palace of Astrum, you are aware of that, correct?" you swear you saw the lion nodding his head.

✧ "... Master diviner Fu Xuan is going to have a lot more on her plate with this added problem, you agree to that right?" you ask once more, the lion only gave you a closed eyed smile.

✧ "Yanqing will be disappointed when you're not going to spar with him today, you've already avoided it for the past 2 weeks and you promised him today," the lion merely turns his head around, promptly ignoring you with a side glance of mischief.

✧ How can he be a scoundrel even when turned into a lion.

✧ "... Mimi would probably attack you the moment she spots you," you settle on saying. And somehow that information alone was enough for the once relaxed state of the lion to be in distress. Jing Yuan's once laid down form springing back into all fours - the sudden action making Qingzu who were still sorting out documents yelp.

✧ "... You know you could've tried saying you would leave him to see if he would react," Fu Xuan comments as the lion before the two of you makes his way over, "I think he would die on the spot if I said that, now how do we get him to-" you're unable to finish your answer back to the master diviner when you're suddenly pounced on by Jing Yuan.

✧ And as anyone would've expected, the much heavier weight makes you topple down to the floor with a loud bang.

✧ "... Did he already gain some feline traits?"

✧ You're unable to answer the question, desperately slamming your fist down on the lions mane before you're able to wriggle your head away from the amount of fur in your face, "Jing Yuan-" you wheeze, "I'm barely able to carry you while you're human, what made you think I can carry you when you weigh close to 200 kilograms?!"

✧ The lion seemed to not care, merely nuzzling his nose against your hair while making no move to actually get off of you.

✧ "... You know what, let's just call the healers down here and leave him here for the day. I have other business to attend to and Yanqing is already blowing up my phone asking where this idiot is," you say, tapping the lion on top of you on the nose before letting your hands tousle the mane, blinking in surprise at how oddly soft it was.

✧ "... On second thought I'll stay here until the healers come," you rephrase, continuing to run your hands through the mane, Jing Yuan seeming to purr in content at the excessive rubbing.

✧ So this is why Mimi is so content whenever you would excessively rub her everywhere.

og request here!

[thankskenpenders]

Happy new year, everyone! Welcome to 2024, the year that will mark the 10th anniversary of Thanks Ken Penders. I'd like to go over my plans for the blog for this year.

First of all: in the very near future, I'll have a post with my thoughts on Sonic Dream Team, and I'm sure I'll write one last Sonic Prime review once the final episodes drop on the 11th. I've also been sitting on an unfinished piece about the Sonic LEGO sets. I wanted this to be longer and more detailed piece that not only reviewed the sets but also went into the weird disconnect between homogenized image of Sonic the Brand and the actual fiction it's based off of, but it'll probably end up getting cut down a lot just so I can put something out. Let's just say I did a fun little thing with one of the sets.

Second: yes, I would like to return to regular TKP updates this year. As I've said many times, I wanted to do this in 2023, but I've been suffering from creative burnout after finishing SLARPG and have generally been unable to focus on any of my creative goals this past year. I'm hoping that this year will be better and I'll be able to get back into the swing of covering Archie Sonic issues. Even doing one issue every week or so would be vastly preferable to continuing the hiatus. I'm still only halfway done!! But aside from burnout, my other main hurdle is that I need to reread my own archive to refresh myself on all these things after nearly three years away. This will take some time.

The thing is, though, this year I'll have an extra incentive to go back through my previous writing and brush up on all things Archie Sonic. Because you see...

I've decided that I want to make a video essay about Penders. The comics, the copyright battle, The Lara-Su Chronicles, everything.

The why

I've thought about doing this before, but I never committed to the idea. I was too busy with gamedev, or I thought it'd end up being too long, or I figured that there were already enough videos on the subject, or I just lacked confidence in my ability to put together a video essay. So I told myself it wasn't meant to be, and let the multiple YouTubers who have cited me as a source on their own Penders videos fill that void.

Recently, though, a few things have happened that have convinced me it might be time. For one, YouTube video essays/media retrospectives/etc. are just getting longer and longer. When Quinton Reviews is out here doing 21 hours of videos on Sam & Cat, a subpar Nick sitcom that only lasted one season, I don't feel so crazy for wanting to make a video about several hundred comic books and two lawsuits that'd be at least an hour or two long lmao. Admittedly, I've also been self-conscious about doing a long video essay like this as a trans woman who has yet to do any vocal training. But these days I feel like I see a lot more transfem YouTubers who have done little to no vocal training, and that's given me more confidence on that front.

But the big one was Hbomberguy's recent plagiarism video. As I sat there watching it, I kept thinking about the time I found a CBR article that was just a crude 800 word summary of my two previous articles on Penders, published by a CBR writer who's put out over 4000 articles since 2019. If I've already been plagiarized before, and my writing is so frequently passed around as a go-to source on Archie Sonic drama, then I wouldn't be shocked if there were YouTubers out there straight up just plagiarizing me. I don't watch other peoples' videos on Archie Sonic, so I'd never know! So if people are just gonna paraphrase me when covering these topics anyway, why not take matters into my own hands and make what I would consider to be the definitive video on the subject? If hacks like James Somerton and iilluminaughtii can churn out these shitty video essays and people will still watch them, surely it can't be that impossible to make my own, right? (And also, uh, Hbomb literally told me I should make the video lol. If you're reading this, thanks for the encouragement.)

The what, how, and when

So here's the plan.

Part of this video essay will be an adaptation of my Medium article on the recurring themes of Ken's Archie Sonic run, with its content touched up and expanded upon. There were a few things I skimmed over in the article because I didn't want it to get too long, but again, people are out here watching ten hour videos about bad Nickelodeon sitcoms now. I can get away with elaborating a little more. I can add a few paragraphs talking about the Chaos Knuckles arc, or throw in a little more historical context I've discovered in the years since.

After covering the comics, the back half(-ish?) of the video will be dedicated to the copyright battles and their ensuing controversies, trying to give an accurate picture of what actually went down, the sheer scale of how bad Archie fucked up, and what our takeaways should be. This will have some similarities to my New York Magazine article on the subject, but I'll be rewriting it from scratch. I REALLY had to keep things short for that article because I was already way over the expected word count, and my tone was a little more straight-laced than normal because I was trying to keep things Professional. I can riff more and insert more of my own opinions this time, like I normally would.

I'll inevitably have to touch on some of Ken's Bad Tweets when discussing things that have happened after the lawsuits, but I don't want the video to just devolve into a list of times people got mad at him on Twitter, so I'm gonna try to keep that to a minimum in favor of focusing on his actual work. Things like the Scourge the Speed Demon incident and his continued statements on certain characters' copyright statuses probably warrant mentioning, though. And finally, assuming that the book really does come out this summer, I would like the grand finale of the video to be about those first couple chapters of The Lara-Su Chronicles.

I don't currently know when this video will get done, but it'll probably be in the back half of the year, especially with me waiting for the book to either drop or get delayed yet again. But I've actually already started writing a bit of the script, and will keep chipping away at it for a while.

So, uh, yeah, look forward to that? Wish me luck?

[kittybroker]

Intro post!

I'll reblog cat pictures and value the kitty.

Now I'm sure you're all saying kitties are all valuable, and while that's true one cannot simply dismiss the importance of proper accounting in today's economy.

If you want to submit a picture of a cat you can use either the ask function or send in a post submission and value it yourself. Feel free to tag me into any kitty post you want.

Please make sure to read the FAQ below before sending in any questions.

While I am mostly a joke blog, please be wary when sending overly personal/strange asks, particularly when I do not know who you are. Absolutely do not ship this blog with other blogs, and particularly do not make comments to me about this.

For reference I use any pronouns and don't particularly like formal titles (sir/ma'am, ect).

Tagging system: I'll tag all the cats here with #crazy kitty The pricing of kitties is set into one of five categories:

#free bin - $0 kitties #bargain bin - Under $5 #discount kitty - Under $20 #valuable kitty - Under $50 #premium kitty - Anything over $50

#alt currency is used for any kitty not using kitty dollars.

Note that kitties from before 27/01/24 may not include the #bargain bin or #premium kitty tag as those tags were introduced after the blogs creation.

#set deal - For pairs kitties sold together #collection - For collections of different kitties in a collection

#silly kitty - For memes and humorous kitties #art - For drawings of kitties or kitties with art attached #fake kitty - For kitties that aren't really actually kitties at all

#text post - For posts that aren't actually evaluations #asks - Posts that are sent via ask #tagged - Posts sent via tagging #in the replies - Tags from the replies of a post #my cat - For pictures of my cat #kitty music - For self-promotional music posts or music performed by kitties (meowsynth)

I'll probably post my own cat a bit here as well and tag that with #my cat.

Submission: You can submit kitties by tagging me in posts or sending asks (when the inbox is open). I will not always get around to tags as sometimes there is too many to get to or I have already evaluated the post. I prefer people tag me into a post over DMing, and will not evaluate a kitty sent in DMs. I would also ask you to not send too many asks or tags in a row simply to avoid too many posts being sent in at a time and allowing others to send stuff in. If you are unsure on how to tag me please refer to the FAQ, do not message me asking how to tag me into posts.

Rules for submission: Please no real people or anthropomorphized cats. Anything that is pretty much just human is a big no go zone for evaluation (particularly evaluating real people). As long as it's clearly an animal I don't really care. Do not tag me into more than 2-3 posts at a time.

FAQ

Why hasn't my ask been answered? I get a lot of asks, and I can't answer everything. It usually takes a few days to a week to get around to answering an ask. Sometimes the ask may also contain a submission that cannot be posted, ie you submitted a real person, a cat in the harmful situation or with wounds. For text based asks I cannot get to everything and am frequently inundated with comments. Not all will get a response. If you ask a question answered in the FAQ I will not answer.

How do you evaluate the kitties? The economy guides my hand, I merely see the truth of what is already there.

I tagged you into a post, but you never responded? I get a lot of tags, and often a lot of the same post. I will try to avoid responding to the same post multiple times (sometimes I forget!). Sometimes I just have so many tagged posts to get to I have to cut some out. I do see every tagged post though so you're post will still be seen, even if not answered.

What is the most valuable kitty ever? Our current estimates would put Intergalactic Shiro, now at an impressive 720000000000

What currency are the kitties evaluated in? They are all in Kitty Dollars. I've never heard of this "USD" or "Euro" stuff. None of it is real.

I want to tag you in a post, but I don't know how? To tag me into a post you will need to reblog the post and add the tag into the text field of the post (no the tags!). If you type @kittybroker you should see this blog appear in a dropdown menu. Select kittybroker and then reblogging the post. You can also tag me into the replies of posts by opening the notes, heading to the replies section and tagging me there with the same method.

Can I submit myself? Many before have attempted this perilous feat. Yet I remain strong. No real people will be evaluated!

Kittybroker, you reblogged a bad post! Sometimes I reblog posts that I should by mistake. Please notify me if this is the case, ie. the cat is in danger, the video is not safe or harmful. I do my best to try educate myself on what the best, but I still miss stuff. THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO FANDOM DRAMA/PROBLEMATIC USERS. DO NOT MESSAGE ME ABOUT THIS.

Kittybroker, I want to support you but I hate capitalism! Good news for you! The best way you can support me is to check out the #kitty music tag! I write a fair bit of music and you can find it at my old soundcloud, or you can find my recent piano sheet music here or use my website for more information the musical work I do! I really appreciate any support with my music work outside of kittybroker and sharing or listening to my stuff helps a lot!

Do you have a cat? I do, although I rarely post it out of both privacy concerns and the sheer number of other kitties sent in. The rare occasion I do however they will all be tagged. His name is Boris and he is around nine years old. He is very crazy.

That is all for now! Remember to stay crazy and kitty!

[kayleigh-83]

Question/informal poll for those who play rotationally in any frequency you consider somewhat regular!

How many households are in your hood

How frequently do you play

How long does it take you to get through an entire rotation

I mentioned in chat on a stream I was watching recently that my hood currently has about 25-30 households (26 as of the end of the last rotation when I counted). I play roughly once a week - occasionally I play twice a week, sometimes as much as 1.5-2 weeks passes between play sessions but that is more rare. It takes me about 6 months total to get through an entire rotation at this pace. (edited to add - I play 5 day rounds per family!)

People in the chat said this was a long time which surprised me because I feel like it's really, really quick! But I don't have any other frame of reference I suppose. It also feels much quicker to me because of the pacing of my gameplay vs. picture editing vs. gameplay posting.

For example, I played Louise's round in mid-late November last year. I edited the pictures for her round in early February, and posted the gameplay summary in the last few days. So if I stay on my usual pace, I'll be due to play her again in probably May or so. Since I just went through all her pictures for the round twice in February (once to edit and once to post), it's going to feel a lot more fresh when I play her again in May-ish, so in my mind it feels like I just played her. And this is my usual timeline for editing and posting, so it was always feels to me like I just played this household when I come back around to them, because I edited and posted their pics far more recently.

Honestly, because of this I sometimes feel like yikes, I need to slow down! I'm playing through too fast! Whatever "too fast" means? Even though I consciously know playing like 1-2x a week at most is really NOT a lot.

So yeah - what's your pacing like?

[otherone12]

Why Me?

Gerard Way × Reader

-> Masterlist

A/N: Hey!! Does anyone really read this?? Well, now I'm not on vacation anymore, so I'll end up posting less frequently. I didn't like this one, but... hope u enjoy it (Ray x Reader fic coming soon <3) 

Summary: You finally get the chance to meet your favorite comic artist, you just didn't know that he would end up finding your nervousness cute enough to ask you to go out with him.

- Word Count: 1.310

- Warnings: none :)

- Ps: I'll not use y/n…

- Ps2: I'm brazilian, so english is not my first language ... sorry if i wrote something wrong.

___________________________________________

1st Person POV:

I’ve waited for so long to finally meet the man who inspired me. I've been into his work since I was a teenager and everytime i wasn’t feeling well, his comics made my day better. Also, he’s really pretty and in all the interviews I've seen of him, he looks so cute.

I’m actually spending all my savings just to go to that event and don’t even know how I'm gonna act when I see him, I mean, I will probably laugh like crazy, stutter some compliments or fall unconscious on the floor. 

However, I convinced my best friend to go with me, so I won't be so embarrassed, or at least not alone if I do something weird.

- You’re sure you’re ready? - My friend asked me when we’re in the row. - ‘Cause you look like you’re about to explode. 

They chuckled and I got a bit more nervous than I already was, the feeling of being that transparent made me uncomfortable. 

- I’m fine… - I said, swallowing hard and breathing deeply. - I just don’t know what to say 

Looking around, I saw that the line was moving quickly and soon it would be our turn to get an autograph and take a picture. 

- To him? 

Wasn’t that the most obvious question in the world?

- Yeah, who else? 

- I don’t know, I mean, you’ve been obsessed with him since you’re like fifteen, right? - They said it in a normal voice tone, but it seems like they’re screaming, so i immediately turned red - And don’t know what to tell him?

A week ago I started to practice in front of the mirror of my room, trying to imagine possible scenes with Gerard, but I will never never told anyone about it. 

- Shut up! -I hit my elbow on their shoulder in desperation and fear that someone had heard, even though he was too far away to hear anything. - I’m not obsessed with him, I admire him a lot. Just that.

- Sure… - The sarcasm made me want to respond, but the cut with the next sentence took my focus away from our conversation. - Look, we’re next

 Even when the person in front of us was taking the photo with Gerard, I looked ahead and I could see him. I swear he looked at me at the same time and my reaction was look away and widen my eyes at my friend

- Holy shit… WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

- Try something like “hi, i'm your fan” - this contrast between us was very strange, on the one hand I was freaking out, but on the other, they was acting as if Gerard Fucking Way was just any guy. - And act normal, please.

In less than a second I felt my body heat up, the closer I got, the more tense I became. I tried unsuccessfully to look into his eyes, but I couldn't maintain my focus for long. 

My stomach filled with butterflies when I heard his voice. Even though I've heard it on the radio several times, it's a totally different experience.

- Hey! 

It took me a few seconds to try to open my mouth, but my brain stopped working. A short awkward moment that felt like hours was cut away.

- Hi! - My friend, who apparently didn’t see Gerard as a celebrity said. without thinking about what i wanted them to say - They're huge fan of you! Like, they don't stop to talk about you for at least a second

- HEY! - I gasped with fright when they finished speaking -T-that’s not true! I mean, I'm your fan, but it’s not like I’m weird or something. 

My scream turned into an almost whisper, which was almost drowned out by the sounds of the environment. 

- That's okay. - He said with a chuckle. - You want a picture?

His sweet and inviting look made me want to hug him, and when he extended his arm towards me I couldn't help but blush even more.

- Sure! 

He wrapped his arms around my body and my friend took a picture of us. My heart was racing and the smell of coffee that he was emitting wasn’t helping me to calm down. 

- So…- He took my comic to sign it, and when he looked at me again, to my surprise, he noticed my Star Wars shirt. - i like your shirt 

- Thanks!

-This will probably sound weird, but… are you free after the event?

I gave him a shy smile and heard my friend giggling by my side. I thought that was my imagination, but i blinked twice and had the clue that Gerard Was has a light blush on his face.

It was a little embarrassing when we exchanged glances, but even stranger than that was the question that came next.

He reached out to hand me the comic and I looked him straight in the eyes.

- I-I am… why?

I took the comic and put it in my purse, without breaking eye contact. 

- Maybe… if you don’t mind… we could go out for a coffee? 

Standing in front of him, I froze. It's not like I don't love the idea, but I know myself well enough to know that I'm definitely going to say something stupid without thinking.

- THEY’RE SUPER IN!

My friend responded before I had the chance. His gaze passed from my friend to me, and his smile grew worried as he seemed to think about the truth of the statement.

- Really? - I asked, still in disbelief that Gerard Way asked me out. 

- If you're up for that… - He put his hand behind his neck, looking at the floor and sounding a little more shy than he had moments before. - Look, if you don’t want to…

- Of course I'm in! 

I tried hard to keep my posture, but the shine in his eyes hit my heart so hard and I smiled, feeling my face burn again.

- We met at the front door in three hours? 

- I’ll be there…

*** time skip ***

After a large amount of people left the place, i finally saw gerard at the door, he was looking around, i assumed that he was looking for me, cause when his eyes meet mine, a tiny smile forms in his lips.

I approached him, avoiding one or another person who appeared on the way.

- You came!

He said, with a relieved sight.

- Yeah! - He opened the door and we started to move to the coffee shop - I mean, It's not often that your idol asks you out, right?

There were few people on the street and the atmosphere was pleasant. Walking next to him was very strange, because at the same time it was something incredible that I had always dreamed of, but on the other hand, it didn't seem real. It was like I was going to wake up at any moment.

- I don’t know… sounds like the perfect one to describe you, in my vision.

- “Idol” is a strong word, don’t you think?

He chuckled a little and I tried not to look like I was fawning over him.

- Why me? - His confused gaze made me explain even more what i was talking about - There were like, a lot of people, why me?

- If you say so…

After a few minutes of walking, we arrived at the coffee shop and, like a gentleman, he opened the door. my heart started to jump in my chest when he chose a table with two seats, facing each other, next to the window.

A friendly girl took our orders and I asked him a question that had been on my mind since the moment Gerard asked me to have coffee with him.

- To be honest… You’re so pretty and looked so nervous, I found it really attractive.

___________________________________________

- Damn i feel like those awful tiktok POVs

We laughed, really loud, and it feels like we knew each other for a century.

~Well, that's it... hope you liked :)

[incorrectfmaquotes]

Today marks 6 years since I started this blog!

Thank you all for following! Whether you followed back in October 2017 or earlier today, I appreciate every single one of you.

And for some other things I wanna say, which I don't think affects anyone and isn't exactly news, especially to anyone who might be paying attention, but more just me acknowledging it: I haven't really been attending to this blog that much in the past couple of years, but especially this one. I've largely just let the queue run and fill it up with older quotes every couple of months. I made this blog when I was in high school and had more free time; I am now something that somewhat resembles an actual adult (if you squint maybe) with more Adult Responsibilities and Situations (but as I have unfortunately realized, adulthood does not erase feeling teenage emotions all that much). I've had less time and frankly less bandwidth to devote more time to this blog - especially to create quotes at the rate I did the first 3 years. And something that has hindered me even more in attending to this blog and is in part why I started to do so was that starting around 2020, a lot of times, I could not open my inbox, direct messages, or activity page on this site. I don't know if the culprit of that was my browser, my old laptop, or our famously well-functioning website Tumblr, but this would frequently happen and would do so for weeks at a time. I'm not saying this was the only reason why there have been unanswered asks and submissions for years (see above: increasing Adult Situations and the Toll they have taken on me), but that certainly played a heavy hand.

I'm in some new circumstances and over the past couple weeks, they have been a bit more stable and consistent - I've actually made about 85 new incorrect quotes and have put them in the queue, an amount I don't think I've been able to manage since the early months of 2020 before quarantine. Opening the inbox and DMs seem to be less of a problem lately, so I've also put in the queue a good amount of those submissions I've had sitting in my inbox for a while and will try to do more, though unfortunately some of the blogs that have submitted quotes have since been deactivated. I'm going to try to answer some asks in the coming days, but again, a lot of these are months and years old, and a part of me feels a bit awkward only just responding now and I'm wondering if it's respectful at all, but I still wanna do it.

That is to say, even though I am in a more manageable situation, I'm not promising that I am now going to attend to this blog like I did in the beginning, or even that much more than I have the past few years. I have learned that circumstances can change with no notice at all. I'm also not saying there's no guarantee that I'll be even less present here or won't stop running this blog altogether when the current queue runs out - not that I'm planning on it, but I can't completely rule that out as a possibility. But even if I ever stop attending to this blog, I don't think I'll ever delete it altogether, if you're worried about that.

So, thank you for sticking around with this blog for the past 6 years! And for sticking with this post that got a lot longer than I thought it would be. This post probably sounds like a whole lot of nothing, but I still wanted to say it, and I thank you for putting up with it. Hope you have a good day! 💕💕💕

[giowritess]

fortnight [1]

gif by @dameronscopilot

pairing | Benny Miller x female!reader [Grace Stratford]summary | you somehow end up pretending to be Benny's girlfriend for two whole weeks. is your heart going to survive that? probably not. warnings | mentions of sex, alcohol, mentions of cheating by a third character word count | 1.7k author's note | so. happy new year! i deeply apologize for not showing my face here for the last two years lol things have been complicated and i haven't found the time to write. i've recently fell in love again with the miller brothers from triple frontier and this came up completely random, it's gonna be a small series and i'll post as soon as i write them. future smut. no mentions of y/n; grace's name is only mentioned once. english is my second language and this wasn't proofread so i apologize for any mistakes. hope you enjoy it. xx masterlist | main masterlist

fortnight

"Meaning: 14 days; fort·​night ˈfȯrt-ˌnīt : a period of 14 days : two weeks."

Pretending to be Benny Miller's girlfriend for two whole weeks wasn't how you planned to spend your days off, but here you were.

After working so hard for so long, you finally had your well-reserved month off, plus a few days more. You spent a few days with your family and now were all set to enjoy two weeks of summer bliss at a friend's super fancy summer house, along with lots of other friends and others not so much, as you soon found out.

The moment you got there, you could hear the laughter coming from the house—a mansion, one could say—even from your car. The moment Will showed up at the doorway, Maddie, your best friend and his girlfriend, jumped out of the car to run to him and you rolled your eyes. They saw each other yesterday. But then Benny showed up at the door, shirtless, laughing as Will picked Maddie off the ground, and you sighed. 

Yeah, you had it bad, and he was completely oblivious to it.

While you and Maddie made the trip there, she filled you in on a lot of things. The house belonged to Luke's parents, Luke being an Army buddy of the boys and your long time friend since high school. What a small world, right? Besides him and the three in front of you, you couldn't say you were “friends” with that many other people there. At best, “acquaintance” was the most appropriate word, but you didn't mind, you were there to enjoy the summer, the Fourth of July and Luke's birthday. But the thing is, Maddie also told you some other rather interesting things. Benny was pissed for two reasons: one, he was the only single guy there, and two, his ex-girlfriend was there with her new boyfriend. His ex that, according to Maddie, was the one who broke things up and he still had a thing for. His ex that Maddie hated because she was a typical Regina George—nevermind being almost thirty.

The idea started to form in your head the moment Maddie told you all that, but you still weren't so sure of it.

The thing was, your relationship with Benny was weird. Since Maddie was your soul sister and you were always around when you weren't deployed, he was basically a brother-in-law to you. You two had always been friends, got along just fine; there was, however, one alcohol-filled event two years ago that changed the trajectory of your relationship. 

You still remembered it as if it had happened yesterday. You'd just gotten back from deployment, happy to be home at the beginning of summer, your favorite season. Maddie and Will were in the early stage of their romance, lots of longing glances and unsaid words, so you were starting to be around Will and Benny more frequently. The thing was—you had a thing for Benny since, well, ever. You just couldn't help it, guys who knew how to make you laugh were your downfall, and it was only a bonus that he was handsome as fuck and had eyes that made your parties drop. Suffice to say, Benny Miller was your dream guy, but he never made a move on you as seemed interested in you. It wasn't that you weren't brave enough to go for it—you just couldn't bear the possibility of being rejected by him, so you accepted your fate of liking him from afar. 

That night in particular, your first night back, the four of you were at your favorite bar to celebrate your Captain promotion—after four whole years in the Air Force, you finally had a helicopter to call your own. To say you were happy was to say the least; you were estatic. Your little brother would be proud of you. All drinks that night were on Maddie and the boys; you weren't a heavy drinker, but that night you let loose and really enjoyed yourself. And shit, you could swear Benny had never looked as good as he did that day. It didn't help that you hadn't had sex in a million years and he was basically sex on legs, nor did the fact that the trash bag of your ex, who cheated and dumped you through a phone call while you were overseas, had just walked in with his brand new girlfriend, the one who he cheated with. It served only to make you want Benny even more—he was so much more man than your ex, and you'd bet an arm that he was better at sex, too. You were sure of it, even though the only place he'd been recently (every night) was in your dreams. 

You were both drunk, you more than him. Maddie and Will had abandoned you already. You weren't sure how—maybe because of your sex deprived and lust-filled mind—, but the subject turned to sex, asking each other what sort of crazy things you'd already done. The thing in question was 69, which you'd never done, and Benny surprised you when he denied it, too.

And then, maybe it was the alcohol running through your veins, fogging your brain. Or how close he was and how good his perfume smelled. Or maybe you'd just had enough, so you said, taking a sip of your beer:

“I bet you know how to properly eat a girl out.”

You saw the moment his eyes darkened, one of his eyebrows raising up. He slowly placed his beer on the table. You didn’t breathe, feeling as if you were about to die while waiting for his reply. 

“Wanna find out, Captain Stratford?”

You were bracing yourself for a rejection, for him to say he wasn’t interested in you that way, anything but that. You definitely weren’t expecting that. He didn't ask, but you'd never had sex in a car before. Or had three orgasms on the same occasion that weren't self-induced before. But yeah, he was way better than your ex, and your dreams. 

But then it got awkward between you two afterwards. Sure, it was the best sex of your entire life, and sure, you'd love for it to happen again, but you weren't really sure how to treat Benny. So you tried to act as natural as possible and so did he, almost as if pretending that nothing had happened. Except it had, and every time you looked at him, you remembered it. Everytime you looked at his hands, you remembered how well he worked you up with those long fingers. Everytime you looked at his face, you remembered his beard glistening with your juices after he made you come twice with his lips alone. Whenever you saw him holding something, you remembered how good it felt to have those fingers wrapped around your throat while his cook hit every right spot, again and again. Safe to say, you were having a hard time focusing whenever he was around, and it made you wonder if the remembered it, too, when he looked at you, because sometimes you could swear he looked like he did. And sometimes... sometimes he looked at you the same way he did that very same might when he asked you that question. But then it faded as quickly as it came. So you tried to treat him like you used to, but for the past two years it seemed to have an elephant in the room with you, and you just didn't know what to do about it.

Truly, you'd already accepted that nothing would ever happen between you two again. But the moment Maddie told you all that, the gears in your brain started working. It was risky—what if he didn't like it? And honestly, why? It wasn't as if you really wanted him to get back with his ex... yeah, there was no rational motive you could come up with. At least no motives that weren't selfish. But then, still sitting at the driver’s seat in your car, you glimpsed your ex, wrapped around his current girlfriend—a new one, who looked suspiciously like you—by the pool, and that gave you the courage to go ahead with your plan. So that was how you found yourself in your current predicament. Exactly when Benny was awkwardly talking with his ex, still by the door, you called out his name and went to him, the surprise evident in his face. And then you kissed him.

This was the defining moment. You were scared of his reaction—and then he kissed you back, way more fiercely than you expected, his tongue slipping into your mouth, until the girl in front of you cleared her throat.

“And you are?” She asked, and the tone of her voice made you want to strangle her.

Instead, you took the jealousy and anger cursing through you and transformed into confidence, and you gave her your best smile.

“I'm Grace,” you replied, and you felt Benny's eyes on you. “Benny’s girlfriend.”

You didn't know what surprised you more: the giant scowl in her face, or one of his hands going around your body. 

“I'm sorry, what is it again? Pam, Tam?” You asked before she said a thing.

You knew damn well what her name was.

“Sam,” she replied through gritted teeth.

“Oh, that's right. Lovely to meet you.” You turned to him, dismissing her entirely. “Help with the bags?”

He nodded and gave her an apologetic look, before grabbing your hand (another surprise) and following you to your car. The moment you opened the trunk, he let go of your hand and you already missed the contact.

“What's going on?” He asked, confusion clouding his beautiful features.

You glanced around to make sure you were alone and tugged him closer.

“Look,” you whispered, “both our exes are here, and according to Maddie, you still like her. This way, you make her jealous, maybe win her back, and I rub it in his face that I landed someone way better than him.” His lips tugged up in the slightest shadow of a smirk. “What do you say?”

You didn't realize you were holding your breath until he replied.

“Huh. That's really smart,” he said, surprising you once again.

You expected him to say something more, but then he grabbed the bags and walked back towards the house.

And that was how you found yourself pretending to be Benny Miller's girlfriend for two weeks.

Would your heart survive those two weeks? Probably not.

by @reveriesources

➜ part two

[imawreck]

Interrogation

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x Original Character

Summary: Ghost's mind is a garbled puzzle of memories, and the once familiar face of the Winter Soldier is somehow the same and different in her eyes.

Author's Note: Hey, sorry for the spam, but I'm really excited to keep getting these chapters out! I have most of this story written, and I'll try to keep it to two posts a week minimum. I'll probably post more frequently on this series for a while though, so expect a lot! This is also the first part in this series that goes into Ghost's perspective, and it'll switch from now on. Thanks for reading!

Warnings: Mild gore, italicized words when speaking different languages to each other

Word Count: 1,350

Ghost-

The pain resonating through my body helped to ground my scattered mind. I was familiar with the after affects of cryosleep, and was no stranger to memory loss. Waking up with a scrambled brain, surrounded by strangers, was a normalcy of sorts. But seeing him again made everything different.

I had watched him kiss death, watched the life flicker in and out of his eyes as I tried to keep him alive on that battlefield. I thought that I would never see him again. Seeing him reminded me of the missions spent alone, the glimpses of his former self, the man who I knew existed in him but had rarely seen for myself. I knew the asset, knew him better than anyone. And he knew me.

Seeing him like this, open and filled with emotions was foreign. This was not the Asset I knew.

There were feelings that I didn't understand stirring in my chest, confusing feelings that made my heart hammer and my skin sweat. They made me furious. But then he was there. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was there. His footsteps were confident, and the subtle whir of his metal arm was impossible for me to mistake for anything, anyone else. I had to know that I could get to him, that I could make it to him if something went wrong. I still wasn't sure if I could trust these people.

So I stood, walking over to the wall of this strange cage, analyzing it for its weak points. The assets words- no, his orders- resonated suddenly in my mind. "Do not engage."

I knew my mission, I knew that I had to complete it no matter the cost. I was created to protect the Asset. If listening to him somehow protected him, then I would listen. But I had to know that I could get to him. I eyed the sealed edges of the cell, gaging how much power I would have to put behind my fist to successfully dislodge them, shatter them if I could, and I threw my arm into it. Two broken knuckles, but the wall cracked. Another two and I would be free, fully capable of getting through the metal door separating me from the Asset.

A feeling of slight relief filled me as I returned to my position against the wall, continuing my gaze at the door just beyond my cell. I could still hear the whirring of his arm, knew he was watching me with pensive eyes. He wouldn't remember me, he would if this was a hydra organization. But things were different, he was different, and it had been such a long time since we had seen each other. He trusted these people, meaning they definitely weren't hydra. The Asset had always been uptight around them. Here he was more relaxed, kind, and spoke for himself. It was clear to me that he viewed these people as allies.

For the time being, I would regard them as allies of my own. If the Asset thought they were trustworthy, then I will trust his judgment.

A stampede of footsteps stormed outside the door and voices raised. I listened as they fired off questions to the Asset concerning my containment. They discussed what I could've done, but didn't. Considered my actions as a way of communicating. And it was, in some aspects. When he asked me if I could hear him, I nodded. I listened to Captain America as he spoke to the Asset, calling him by an unfamiliar name again. Bucky. I bounced the name around a few times in my head, trying to feel for any sense of familiarity, but I couldn't remember any. I must have never known him by that name.

A few moments of silence passed before something outside the door beeped and I heard the lock on the door slide out of position. I watched as his tall form entered slowly, hesitantly, and closed the door behind him. Steely blue eyes stared at the crack in the cell wall, and glided along its lines before landing back on me. There was fear there. It was such a shock to me that I flinched, unable to process what I could've done wrong or why he was scared of me. I hadn't meant to scare him. I frowned, keeping my eyes on him as he approached the wall across from where I was seated.

"They want me to talk to you, ask you some questions." His voice was deep, but it was softer than it used to be.

I just stared at him, this person I used to think I knew and yet didn't know at the same time.

He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit I knew. "Do you know where you are?"

"No." My Russian was gravely, voice raw from disuse.

He was avoiding my eyes. Looking at the cot a few feet from me. "This is the Avengers tower in New York."

I tensed, suddenly reminded of all the missions where Hydra's agents were sought after and killed by the Heroes. I nodded.

"They won't hurt you, as long as you cooperate with us. We just want to help you and understand your situation."

Us. He was with them. He had traded sides. A wave of relief washed over me  as I took a needed breath, letting my shoulders drop a notch in relief.

He continued the interrogation, "What year were you born?"

"I don't know." I furrowed my brows, gaze still trained on the man behind the glass.

He seemed to be saddened by my response, a frown drawing onto his face. "Do you know where you came  from? What your life was like before Hydra?"

I stared at him, long and hard. Somehow trying to will him to remember me through the glass between us. "My life is Hydra," I respond in English. I stand, slowly, watching his shoulders tense and his fists clench. "I was born in the facility from what I know, and raised to fight as the shield of Hydra. My life's mission is to protect the Assets." I took steady steps towards the glass and stopping just in front of him. Only the glass separating us. "I have no life outside of it."

I watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed, eyes trained on his features. He had shown so much emotion up until now, but his face had gone blank and a fire had lit behind his eyes. "Stark won't let you out of here until he's sure you're not a risk to the team. We're not sure if they made you like me, and he doesn't want to take any chances-"

"I'm not like you." The words came out soft and abruptly, pushing their way out from my throat, bypassing the years of training and fear of punishment.

His brows furrowed, "What do you mean?"

I had to remind myself he was not with Hydra anymore, taking a breath before continuing. "I do not have activation commands." I gripped my palms, digging my nails into the meat of my hand. My broken knuckles ached at the movement. "Everything I have done was willing at one point, until you." I sucked in a breath, trying to hold back the train of memories crashing around my head. "They had to find alternative ways to make me comply after that."

He hesitated, obviously seeing that the topic was touchy for me. "After what?"

I steeled myself, stuffing down the memories and emotions that came with them. "After Commander Strucker made me watch them wipe your mind."

He still had questions for me, I could tell, but that statement struck him hard. His face contorted in horror and realization- of what, I'm not sure- and he physically stumbled back. I dropped my gaze, backing away from the glass. "I will not engage. I will comply to any given command." Those words were meant for the others, another message of sorts.

He nodded, eyes foggy and far off before he turned and left the room. I slumped back against the wall after I heard the door click, and waited, watching the skin of my knuckles slowly stitch itself back together.

[ros3ybabe]

Where Have I Been?

hello lovelies. so, I started the challenege, did one day, and all of a sudden I feel off the face of the earth. I fell into a bit of a depression, and while I've managed to pull myself out, life has been busy busy busy! This is probably the 2nd busiest week of the year (the 1st will be in August, and you'll find out why). Here's an update on life:

I fly to Colorado on the 16th, so....under 5 days now. I haven't packed or anything yet, but I plan on doing that either tomorrow or Thursday. And I have to clean and prepack for when I return because....

I signed a new lease for a new place to live! I'll have roommates who I haven't met yet (I'm taking over someone lease, actually), but my lease starts August 18th. I return from Colorado on the 14th of August, so....I'm going to be very busy once I return.

I decided to call it quits on getting a 2nd job. It's going to mess up the schedule with my first job, and it would only make me 200$ more a month, which I'm not worried about missing our on since I'll still sell stuff on depop once I return from Colorado and I'm going full time at my current job.

I've gone out to lunch with my dad a few times as well, it's been really nice hanging out with him and spending time with my dad. I lucked out in the dad department and spending time with him is one of my favorite things!

I've been debating going to San Fransisco in October for an XG concert, but I don't know if I'll have the money or ability to anymore. (thank you new apartment and all those fees and expenses!)

my anxiety has been terrible. I haven't changed anything about what I do, but I did squish a lot of anxiety inducing things into the span of two weeks, which....my bad on that. Now I know, don't do that to myself.

I bought new makeup! The juvias place bronzer, charlotte tillbury setting spray, nyx eyebrow stuff, and blush, ughhh I love buying new makeup, I just wish it didn't cost money!

I've gotten better at doing my makeup! I've had people not even notice I'm wearing it because it looks natural despite being like, a full face! Thank you perfect color matches on my skin tint, foundation, and concealors!

I went to two movies with a friend. We saw the new Strangers: Chapter One and the Planet of the Apes movie. Both were definitely good, in my opinion.

I now have to plan with my boyfriend for when he needs to come down here and get his stuff and work out changing the utilities to our roommates name since I'm leaving. I don't feel like it should be my job to coordinate that, but oh well. I guess it's too hard for him and his best friend (my roommate) to call each other for once?? Ugh, men get on my nerves sometimes.

I need to ask my dad and a friend to help me move upon my return, which also means I won't be able to work that weekend, which kind of sucks.

I need to declutter my room and start throwing away things I don't want or need anymore this week to make it easier on myself when I return from Colorado but hahaha I procrastinate a lot.

I'm stressed about paying rent. I'll have to pay rent for here and rent/fees for the new place before august and then September's rent for the new place, and my new rent is about double what I pay now. so yayy, adulting and finances. I don't feel qualified to be an adult, but here I am, age 21, an adult.

That's about it for now! Lots of stress, lots of anxiety, lots of stuff happening super close together. But that's life, I guess. Forgive me for my absence from my blogs. I also stopped studying spanish for now, and my routines are non-existent. Colorado will change that, tho, for sure. I do plan on updating a little more frequently once things settle down when I'm in Colorado. but for now, it'll be kinda here and there with my posting.

thank you for all the patience and kindness, lovelies. til next time 🩷

[lqvesoph]

the right shirt - joão félix (social media au)

joão félix x ronaldo!sister

request: Heyyy are you doing social media au's? Cause I'd love to request a João Félix x Ronaldo's sister. Maybe like that Ronaldo wants her to wear his shirt to the matches but then she starts dating João

Yess, ofc. I have a love hate relationship with Social Media Au's tbh. I really hate to read them but I'm slut for writing them. I'll probably make this in 2 party cuz you can only add 10 pictures per post. Also I'll probably just mainly use pictures of his real girlfriends cause she's stunninggggg and has quite a lot of pictures that fit well

relationships:

Avril - your cousin

Kika - your best friend

Mila, Beatriz, Francisco - your friends

Rodrigo - your friend, brother of Kika

masterlist | part 2

tagged: portugal, avrilsantos

liked by: georginagio, avrilsantos, goncalogomes88 and 2,247,829 others

yndossantos: vamossss

comments:

cristiano: You got the right shirt?

→ yndossantos: yesss

avrilsantos: One of the best games I've watched in a while

kikalurez: soooo

→ yndossantos: Huh?

milagomes: You know we gotta talk, right?

→ yndossantos: Huh?

rodrigolurez: Where did you disappear to after the game ma'am?

→ yndossantos: Huh?

→ fan: what???

fan: All of Yn's friends exposing her lmaoo

goncaloramos88: Hope you were cheering for me

→ yndossantos: Always

→ fan: Are you dating?

fan: Did her friends just indirectly confirm she's in a relationship?

→ fan: It's probably Ramos

→ fan: Yeah, he's been liking and commenting on her posts for a few months now

fan: vamos portugal!!

load more comments...

liked by: joaofelix79, kikalurez, cristiano and 3,257,972 others

yndossantos: Special night out

comments:

avrilsantos: You're SO PRETTY HELP

georginagio: Lindaaaa

milagomes: He's a lucky guy...

→ fan: He who??

rodrigolurez: Y'all see this? That's my best friend!!

→ kikalurez: Shut up, she's mine

beatrizsilva: Aaaaand with who was this special night out

→ yndossantos: I have no idea what you're implying...

goncaloramos88: Cleaned up nice, I see

→ fan: Why are her brother's teammates on her Instagram helppp

→ fan: She's dating Ramos

fanciscoborba: I'm gay but LORD SMASH

→ yndossantos: ilyyyy

fan: Not João liking her posts sjsjdjd, she's off limits bro

→ fan: Let's be real, he wouldn't have the balls to go after Ronaldo's sister

load more comments...

tagged: rodrigolurez, avrilsantos, kikalurez, milagomes, savridre

liked by: joaofelix79, cristiano, kikalurez and 2,753,930 others

yndossantos: vacation time

comments:

avrilsantos: I lost my top...

→ yndossantos: I think it's in my suitcase

→ brunosilva: Nah she lost it in the ocean

→ yndossantos: SHE WHAT!?

kikalurez: I won't be eating for a week after that vacation

→ yndossantos: ME NEITHER I'M SO FULL

→ milagomes: *for 8 hours

rodrigolurez: I don't remember taking that picture of you...

→ yndossantos: You didn't

→ rodrigolurez: YOU REPLACED ME!??

fan: Her pictures always look so aesthetic

fan: Okay, so we're gonna ignore João on the 3rd picture!??

fan: João casually chilling with his teammates sister on vacation

fan: João being the only one she didn't tag... suspicious

→ fan: Let's be honest, we all recognized him at the first glance anyway

load more comments...

tagged: portugal, avrilsantos

liked by: avrilsantos, goncalogomes88, joaofelix79 and 3,126,629 others

yndossantos: And onto the next game

comments:

cristiano: Shirt?

avrilsantos: That jacket looks so good on you...

→ yndossantos: hmm

rodrigolurez: Why wasn't I allowed to come?

→ yndossantos: "No, I can't, I have so many exams and I need to study"...

→ rodrigolurez: Okay but I didn't study and I watched the game anyway...

joaofelix79: Personal lucky charm

→ yndossantos: <33

→ fan: WTF?

cristiano: Are you wearing the right shirt?

portugal: vamosss

fan: She's been at the games quite frequently lately

→ fan: Yeah, she's dating Ramos lol

fan: Yn replying to everyone but her brother lol

cristiano: yn!!!

load more comments...

tagged: joaofelix79, yndossantos

liked by 33,842 other's

waggossip: Y/n dos Santos recent post looks a lot like João's closet...

comments:

fan: That's Ronaldo's sister...

fan: I thought she's dating Ramos???

fan: Would he really go after cr7's sister though?

→ fan: She's mad beautiful

→ fan: but she's Ronaldo's sister...

fan: Homie broke the bro code lmao

fan: It's not tho

→ fan: It literally is, look at the carpet, the door, the switch, the chair

load more comments...

tagged: atleticodemadrid

liked by: antogriezmann, yndossantos and 976,362 others

joaofelix79: Full focus

comments:

antogriezmann: What a goal brother

yndossantos: Those cheekbones, damn

→ joaofelix79: 💞

→ fan: ???

→ fan: What's this supposed to mean?

hugofelix18: Legend

felipe.augusto: Royal

fan: No one gonna talk about Yn's comment?

→ fan: EVERYONE is talking about her comment...

fan: Are you two dating?

fan: Wait we're talking about Yn dos Santos here right?

→ fan: yeah

→ fan: That's Ronaldo's sister...

fan: Y'all isn't she dating that other portuguese player?

→ fan: If you're talking about Ramos, then no, they never confirmed anything but always said they're just friend

→ fan: But no one believed them and made up their own story without knowing what's going on, so it always was just a stupid rumor that's been denied multiple times

load more comments...

tagged: portugal, joaofelix79, lindarodriguez, avrilsantos

liked by: joaofelix79, cristiano, avrilsantos and 3,577,482 others

yndossantos: vamos

comments:

cristiano: Traitor

joaofelix79: Beijinhos

→ yndossantos: <3

lindarodriguez: You just send your brother into a cardiac arrest with this picture

→ yndossantos: Oh he's seen me at the game :)

avrilsantos: GORGEOUS

kikalurez: All of you are so gorgeous omg

milagomes: Beauties omgg

rodrigolurez: Thanks for taking me this time...

→ yndossantos: u really still mad abt last time...

fanciscoborba: My pretty girls

→ yndossantos: beijinhos

→ avrilsantos: te amo

hugofelix18: No excuse not to win when you have supportors who look like this

→ yndossantos: You're such a sweetie

→ fan: Bro tryna flirt with his brother's girl lmao

→ joaofelix79: Heyyyyy

fan: WOAH WHAT

fan: That's not her brother's jersey...

→ fan: Yn about to be disowned lmaoo

fan: So they're dating now?

→ fan: I thought she's with Ramos??

fan: Bro really pulled Ronaldo's little sis

load more comments...

--

part 2

[kangals]

way back in 2014, probably a few weeks or months after you posted that picture of boone with the stick on his head, i checked your blog out and so dearly enjoyed all the dogposting that i followed. i think you were the first dogblr blog i actually followed at the time, but it's been ages and my memory is bad, so i'm not fully sure. it wasn't long before then--2012 i think?--that i had gotten a new dog of my own, a border collie. iirc he and boone were just about the same age.

in 2018 i lost that blog i'd followed you with, and a lot of connections with it. i didn't return until 2021, and when i did, i didn't refollow most of the old blogs; i don't think i even really went looking for them. it took me a while to get back into the swing of using tumblr.

last september, my border collie had a sharp health decline, and i had to say goodbye. it's not the first time i've had to put a pet down, but i think it was the hardest. i'm still not over it. even just typing this now, i feel raw.

then in march or so, i made a new fandom friend who knows you, and i enthusiastically recalled following you before and how much i enjoyed it. i didn't even know about stellina, and now there's kep too! but... i also didn't know you'd lost boone. i followed because i still really enjoy your blog, and i love your collies too. and butters!!! so glad she's still here!

idk what made me look tonight... maybe because i talked about my old border collie with someone today. i went looking for the posts immediately around when you lost boone, because i guess some part of me wanted to know what happened. i spent the better part of an hour (maybe longer?) reading posts from the weeks before the decline, and then the loss, and then the deluge of old boone pictures after, and i've been crying pretty much the whole time just reading your posts and tags about him.

and this is a long and windy way to get to saying thank you. i'm glad you shared your grief, though that seems like a weird thing to say. there's something cathartic about crying over someone else's dog when you still hurt about your own, and knowing you're not alone in that kind of sorrow. boone was such a beautiful boy. i'll never forget that silly post that made me check your blog out in the first place, or the years of posts i stuck around for after. i wish i'd remembered to follow sooner, but the archive is still there, and it's so fun looking through all those old posts about him and his quirks and antics. he was amazing.

sorry for the length of this, i just... really wanted you to know that he touched yet another life, i guess. and i've been so deeply enjoying your posts about stellina and kep. i know it'll be a year soon... i hope there's some peace in how things have gone since he passed, and i hope the anniversary isn't too hard on you. thank you for sharing him with us.

i've been on tumblr for 14 years and this is, genuinely, the nicest ask i think i've ever been sent.

thank you - sincerely. there's been a lot of times over the course of this blog that i've felt like i was oversharing, or talking about pointless things only i cared about. i still so frequently start typing out a post only to stop mid-sentence and delete it because i can't help but think "no one cares about this." possibly it's why i like to talk about my pets so much - they're not me, but i'm the one who knows them best, so i get to say "hey look at this" and ramble and have people say "i'm looking" back. when boone passed, i lost that filter and i poured my grief out into this blog because it was the closest outlet i had. and to have hundreds of people not only acknowledge this but to commiserate, to reassure, to share their own stories - that helped healed me more than i can put into words. it's exactly as you said: there's a catharsis in grieving together.

i am sorry you also had to say goodbye. i wish i could say it gets easier, but i think that would be defeating the point of grief. your grief is your love and damn it if there isn't any act more loving in the world than choosing to say goodbye to an old, loyal dog. you think of how dogs were domesticated tens of thousands of years ago, of how human society and dogs have developed intertwined, of how we have records of ancient greeks and romans carving loving epitaths on their dog's graves, of how a prehistoric dog's skull was found with a bone placed in it's mouth after death, and you wonder if grieving a dog isn't one of the most consistent experiences in the whole of human history that there is.

i'm glad to know that this could bring you some comfort, in some way. it's incredibly touching to know that you kept me and boone in your thoughts for all this time. i am doing ok - i've been reflecting a lot as we approach the one-year mark. i'm not sure if i'll be able to condense those thoughts down into coherent words, but i'll do my best. i hope that my silly little pets continue to bring you some happiness, and that you've found peace with your own grief.

thank you, again - this is extremely touching and means a hell of a lot to me.

[sunnirayss]

An Introduction... ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

I've had this blog for like 8 years or so, but never actually posted my own content until this week. I may post more frequently going into next year (or not), but if I do it seems fitting to make a post formally introducing myself and this blog.

I go by a few names but you can just call me Naj. I'm 22 and also genderfluid, so go ahead and use whatever pronouns you think fit best :)

I'm a reality shifter who also practices/has a great interest in all things:

manifestation

law of assumption/the teachings of Neville Goddard

lucid dreaming

astral projection

meditation

the void state

various kinds of witchcraft (especially chaos magick)

the occult

other esoteric and spiritual practices

I found shifting back in May 2022 but wouldn't actually make any progress until 2023 after looking into law of assumption.

I've already shifted and also plan on respawning in the not-so-distant future. I have a lot of DRs (like probably around 60+ at this point?) but my main ones are a waiting room and a better CR.

I will make the occasional posts, but expect a lot of reblogging (shifting/LOA stuff, fandom stuff, and cute animals).

My Boundaries (may change)

Be kind, or at least respectful. If you wouldn't say it someone in real life, don't say it someone online.

Don't try to debunk or insult my beliefs, experiences, or practices. It doesn't make you sound smart, just like an asshole

Feel free to ask me for advice or my perspectives on things. As long as you're respectful and clear with your question, I'll probably answer it.

DMs are open if you're 18+, just be respectful

DMs are closed to minors, but feel to interact with the blog since there's nothing NSFW on here

Do not ask me to shift you, manifest for you, make you wake up in the void, or anything similar. I'm not going to spend my time or energy just manifesting things for complete strangers on the internet, and you shouldn't be depend on a complete stranger to make your dreams come true.

Do not ask me to somehow prove shifting/manifesting/etc to you. Even if I did, people would only focus on painting that proof as fabricated somehow and we'd be right back to where we started.

Do not ask for my takes on controversial shifting topics such as "race changing" or morality (shifting to "bad" DRs to do immoral things). Any debates on these topics quickly devolve into petty arguments and name calling from my experience, so there's zero point in trying since most people have already made up their minds (myself included).

All shifters are welcome, except anyone who wants to be judgemental. It makes zero sense to police what other people do in their own DRs, focus on your own!

Other Socials and Helpful Documents

Reddit: u/sunnirays

Spotify: naj cymin

I made a lot of posts on Reddit and before I left the shifting community, I compiled a document with links to the most helpful ones + plus some other resources that really helped me learn how to shift. Then I copied all of my posts into a seperate document in case something happens or people just want to read them offline.

You can find both in the pinned post on my Reddit and linked below:

dividers by @cafekitsune

[skyedice]

I think I wanna share this! Sketched this around 3 weeks ago I think?

In any case I'm really happy with this sketch even if it's messy! Maybe I'll clean it up and color it later, idk. Or turn it into a more or less complete piece, even. Can never guess, taking my depressed ass into account! Also please check out my masterpost, there's another art piece with her in it there! ------------------------ OC INFO DUMP BELOW ------------------------ Uhhh, considering it's (probably) the first time you're seeing this gal outside of my masterpost - this is my Invader Zim OC, Sky! She doubles both as my sona and just an OC, considering she does have differences from me regarding her character, quite a few of them.

She's a mechanic, formerly a (field) medic. Sky basically got moved to a position where interactions with other irken are way less frequent due to some... past shenanigans. She wasn't outright banished or demoted to some humiliating job simply because she's shown to be actually competent before, so her punishment was limited to ungodly amounts of work on one of those far away planets which are an absolute hell to work on. Sky spent quite a lot of time there before anyone decided to move her somewhere better. Oh btw, said shenanigans happened way back when she basically started to understand just how unjust and horrible to everyone involved the whole system the Irken Empire operates on is. As well as what the Empire is doing to other species and their planets and how it treats them. And welp, she's on the shorter side so of course Sky was never treated too well. That took a toll as well. So let's just say she started to get way less outgoing, friendly, optimistic and naive and more reserved, anxious, violent, cold (on the outside) but also short-tempered. Sky is still a sweetie on the inside (which is unusal for an irken so she might just be suspected to be a defective) but now she doesn't trust anyone and is genuinely afraid of letting other ppl close. Smol traumatized bug who hides under the mask of seeming almost emotionless outside from outbursts of anger from being threatened / annoyed by others. Also yeah she doesn't really like most other irken (not too difficult to guess why) and is way more lenient with basically anyone else besides her own species. Sky honestly has quite a lot of rebellious spirit and would very much like to leave the Empire for good, but it's difficult to do when you don't have the same freedom of movement and level of access to everything as invaders do, for example. Aaand let's be honest, when irken is not exiled and is trying to leave themselves instead, attempts of hunting them down after finding out they have betrayed the Irken Empire are probably very likely. At least I think so. That is, without getting into much detail, is the gist of it. Trust me, this post would've been MUCH longer if I was getting into any more details of her bio and explaining stuff.

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

(I have been trying to write this post for a while, but it keeps coming out like a sob story, and it is really not that deep jkfdgkj

So I am just going to say it, bc you guys know I love to ramble for ages, and I need some opinions

1 year of this blog is tomorrow (or today depending on how long I take to write this kjldfg), and I really do appreciate you all being here - if you have been here since the beginning, or just followed recently - if you've sent an ask, liked, reblogged, shared with a friend, theorised, made fanart, or followed me to my art blog and watched me make (and continue to make) a billion clones, anything; thank you

I made this blog on a whim, only like a week after getting into Pizza Tower, and I had no idea it would turn into what it is now

Of course, in the beginning there were a lot of actual posts, like with backgrounds and multiple characters, and I'd post several times a day if I could - and while I was having fun, it was not ideal - I'd frequently post at 7am after spending all night working on a post then I'd pass out, I'd forgo eating or showering just to draw, and I had wrecked my wrist several times, and continue to push pass the pain just to post

It wasn't just hyperfixation, it was obsession - much easier to realise that in retrospect

I was also medicated at the time, I had been on antidepressants for 3 years, so around April (I think) I ran out of meds and was unable to get more due too third party issues/unable to get in contact with my doctor/etc (and unbeknownst to me at the time, the last two packs I had were expired) - so I am sure you can imagine the sort of affect suddenly going cold turkey on the med that make you not wanna die has on a person - I was not doing great to put it lightly

But I still wanted to continue - so many people had praised me on the frequency of posts, and how excited they were and all this validation - I couldn't let people down! (Also I was, and still am, a disabled shut-in loser with no friends, posting is like the only social interaction I had/have kdfgkgfd)

But I think I did - I intimidated myself out of drawing main posts with how much work they were, started the intermission even though I said I shouldn't, had no script or direction and that I was not 100% invested in to try to motivate myself back into main posts, and it was just easier to draw silly ooc posts than do the thing I really wanted to do instead

Of course, this is not any of you guys' fault - I have always had this issue of starting something, it getting way bigger than I can manage, crashing and then just unable to get going again - I have so many unfinished comics, half-done projects and abandoned askblogs it's not even funny - but it's also like, not the end of the world, if I don't finish things I start for fun - sure, I'll feel guilty as hell for a while, but life moves on

So that being said, I would still very much like to continue the story here - I have been working on some stuff in the background (I even updated Pep's reference in the last few days, with a ton of new stuff), but I still don't think it's gonna be soon - I am doing somewhat better than I was, and I actually have an appointment for with my doctor finally (I will probably have to do some reassessments since they can't just put me back on the meds, after not having them for almost a year, and then I'd have to probably get reaccustomed to side effects etc), so despite it all I am still here

I am not sure if I want to continue the intermission with Bean and Fiend at this time - I know a few folks enjoyed it (mostly bc Fiend kjsdfkj) - but as mentioned previously it was unplanned, unscripted, and I was quickly not feeling it, as I am sure some of you guys were too - the intention was for Fiend to give you guys another hint to the main story, but getting to that point was not fun - I might do a poll on this in a separate post

I also mentioned a while back that I would be cutting down the Big Post into smaller posts, and posting as and when parts were done - but once again, do not expect these soon - (although there is a very late Valentines post coming hopefully soon)

And I think that should hopefully be it for now - I know this is a huge post, and probably still a bit sob story-ish, but oh well - I also know that the hype for Pizza Tower had unfortunately died down significantly, but I'm still working on PT stuff on my art blog @smalltimidbean if you wanna see more silly things (and maybe some lore for here hehe)

It is also the first now, so happy birthday Pep

Okay, thank you, and see you later)

[cbk1000]

And part three. (Final part; sorry this is so long: it has been a fucking long four months.)

No problem, Doctor Dipshit, I guess I'll just do your job and continue treating myself.

After my period ends, my heart rate drops again. It's still not as low as it should be, but it's much better. I continue to gradually improve. It's not a linear process; some days are better than others, but I never feel as bad as I did at the beginning of all this. My main issue is really my heart rate at this point; I'm no longer dizzy, I don't have the extreme weakness I had, my nausea is gone, I'm sleeping much better, and I'm a lot less tired than I was even before all this started. But the high heart rate keeps me still mostly bedbound, and I'm gnashing my teeth, because at this point I feel well enough to be mad about it, instead of just lying in bed trying to stave off death.

I finally start turning a corner, almost three months into taking supplements. My heart rate is consistently lower; even my last period wasn't as rough. (I felt a little worse than I had been, but my heart rate didn't spike, and I mostly just felt more run down than I normally would during my period.)

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been able to sit and stand and walk around for much longer, and I was finally, after months, able to start writing again. My heart rate is still a bit higher than it should be, and I have chest pain and tightness that radiates into my throat (it almost feels like an asthma attack) if I exert myself too much, but I can sit up for a good couple, few hours at a time, then lie down for a few minutes till those symptoms improve, and then get back up again. It is more exhausting to do things because of this, but I still, honestly, feel less tired than when I was a fully functioning, 'normal' person, and I've noticed that the horrible, frequent anxiety attacks I was having multiple times a week, out of nowhere, with no trigger, haven't happened since I started supplementing. I have been stressed, of course, but not baselessly anxious. Apparently iron deficiency can cause or worsen anxiety, so the anxiety I was having for the last couple of years that I attributed to all the changes at work, and how generally stressful the world has been, was also likely related to this.

Today, three and a half months after starting iron supplements, I'm writing this sitting up at my computer. I have some chest pain, but right now it's more of an annoyance than anything, and I can push through for a while before I'll need to lie down for a bit. The last week I have been able to write 27,000 words, animatedly play a video game I'm into at the moment (I shout a lot when I play), take Seamus outside multiple times a day while Mr. Jenn is at work (albeit for very short walks around the backyard, but still), edit, and concentrate on my reading. I can now sit out and eat dinner at our countertop and visit with Mr. Jenn. I spend more time up now than I do in bed. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with a non-lunatic, and will hopefully be able to get medical clearance to finally return to work (Mr. Jenn and I have rigged up my desk so that I can recline and still see my monitors and work if I need more than my allotted breaks to rest) and an order for an iron infusion to get me the rest of the way more quickly. It has been the longest four months of my life. I have felt trapped in my own body. There were points during that constant back and forth of regressing a bit, improving a bit, regressing a bit, that I was afraid I would be stuck like that forever. I've had enough of consistently being on my feet day after day over the last few weeks that, while I'm not yet at 100% and know it will still probably be a while before I am, I know I will be, eventually. I actually feel confident in that now.

What I mean to say with these three very long-winded posts is, please do not ignore what your body is telling you. I wrote off the extreme fatigue, and anxiety, and burning and tingling I was feeling in my legs and feet as poor sleep, the world going to shit, muscle strain, etc. etc. That was my body trying to tell me something was really wrong. I did not know these were symptoms of iron deficiency; and not everyone gets them, and not everyone gets such severe symptoms that their entire body shuts down and confines them to bed for months: but there was something wrong with me, probably for years, and I ignored that, and wrote it off, because the symptoms were non-specific, and I'd lived with them for so long that I normalized them. If you are having any of these symptoms, especially fatigue, especially if you're menstruating, and especially especially if most of your iron sources aren't from meat, please get an iron panel done. Not your CBC; that will only tell you if your hemoglobin is ok, and I can tell you, as exhibit A, that just because your hemoglobin is normal, does not mean you don't have iron deficiency. B12 deficiency will cause some of these same symptoms as well, so if you're vegetarian, definitely get that checked as well.

The only reason I was able to put two and two together was because I had had similar cardiac issues after a blood donation, when it was easy to go, "Wait, I think you bled too much; let's put some iron back in you." I don't want to think about how long I might have been stuck like this getting booted from specialist to specialist with no one thinking to check my iron levels because my hemoglobin was normal. If you do not have enough of this one single mineral in your body, it can literally be debilitating. I work a desk job from home; I have been out of work for four months now because I haven't even been able to sit up at a desk. I actually ran out of legally-protected medical leave a month ago and am just lucky that my employer wants to keep me enough that they were willing to put me on personal leave until I was ready to come back.

Anyway, that is my extremely long update. I sincerely appreciate everyone who has checked in on me and asked how I'm doing.