#Single Review: Burnout

[thejoyofviolentmovement]

New Audio: Small Million Shares a Hook-Driven Feminist Anthem

New Audio: Small Million Shares a Hook-Driven Feminist Anthem @smallmillion @TenderLovingEmp @NoisyGhostPR @meking11

Rooted in the collaboration of longtime creative partners Ryan Linder and Malachi Graham, Portland, OR-based indie pop outfit Small Million specializes in pairing deeply affecting sonic production informed by Linder’s background as a filmmaker with smart, lived-in lyrics about intuition and inhibition, losing control and ending up in unexpected places, being willing to fuck up, bodies being…

[yandere-daydreams]

ur probably getting a lot of these (im sorry if ur busy T_T) and u already *kinda* mentioned him but my sick brain needs to know. what would alhaitham fuck instead of darling. he seems like he would be pretty good at keeping him composure so… 🫢🫶

tw - manipulation, forced dependency, slight infantalization.

alhaitham would fuck your first academic journal.

scrawled in crisp blank ink, piled into a leather-bound journal, and given to him for one last review before you submit the final draft. he edges himself while he flipped through the pages, idly scanning over passages on the culture of nations long gone and languages that have all-but faded from memory as he pumps his fist over his cock and bites back any airy grunts or hitches moans that might seep through the thin walls of his office. he limits himself to a single two page spread when he finally finds himself hunched over his desk, his tip brushing against course paper as he fucks his fist to the curves of your handwriting, the faint traces of your scent left on the pages, the thought of your fear-stricken expression when you're called before a council of elders and informed that your plagiarism has not only been discovered, but deemed worthy of immediate expulsion from the akademiya as a whole.

you may try to argue against it, to say that you'd gotten the scribe's personal approval, to insist that your journal must've been tampered with, but he's practiced, learned to copy every little quirk of your handwriting, mastered the art of replacing a few of your pages with that of his own creation without any visible signs of sabotage. as much as it pains him to see all your research go to waste, he knows that this is the most efficient way to show you where you truly belong - in his home, aware of your role as his lover, content to be dependant on him rather than striving aimlessly for an impossible future as a burnout scholar.

getting to paint the fruits of your useless labor with his cum first is just a perk.

[a-s-levynn]

I've ran into a video on yt by a music reviewer listing bands he fallen out of love with and his reasoning was that these bands are not on his recurring playlist anymore. And i have thoughts being thought about this. I'm not necesseraly reflecting fully on what he said just running with the idea in general. There is no real rime or reason to this post i'm just thinking out loud, feel free to skip.

When did we start to measure loving music with the level of obsession? Just because you don't listen to a band every day, should not mean you don't like them, no? When did listening to music became a chore? You have to listen to this and that every day to earn the right to say you love it or you are a fan of it or what? If it is not your entire personality anymore, than it means you just stop loving them? What's wrong with feeling nostalgic when listening to a band only on occasion if it still gives you warm and fuzzy feelings?

Maybe i'm just too stupid for this but like.. i don't understand this mentality. There is so many hours in a day. There is so many music you can pack into it. You can't listen to everything all the time. As you age you get to know more and more new artists so it becomes less and less plausible to listen to everything all the time. Your mood may require specific things to listen to at the moment or you are just enjoying some new stuff at the moment because it's something that catched your attention. It doesn't automatically means you lost interest in the other thing. Just the obsession period chilled out.

I mean yes, sometimes it happens that you loose interest in certain bands but.. That doesn't automatically means you fallen out of love of every single one that came off you on repeat playlist. You are just focusing on something else. If you only love something periodically and intensly and immediately abandon it than what is even the point? Like i get hype culture exists and some people enjoy it but you can't be ON all the time for everything. This is the cycle of constant periodic burnout. The definition of pulling yourself apart. This works like how an addiction works. Chasing the new hit you can be hooked on for a bit then when it looses it's hit you chase an other high.

I don't know. I don't really have anywhere to go with this post i'm just thinking out loud to try to organize what i'm thinking or feeling about this because it confuses me. You don't have to prove anyone or anything with how you listen to music. How many times a day you listen to a band should not define if your love for an artist or an album exists. There are plenty cases when you are only going to like one song or one album. It is very very rare that you like everything consistently that an artist puts out. But just because you don't like the next new thing doesn't mean you stopped loving the old thing that pulled you in.

Isn't the point of listening to music is that the song or album in front of you is something that touches you or not? Why loveing an album and not liking the next one automatically should tarnish your entire experience? As a wise post said once, music is how you decorete time. You stop loving an old family photo just because you've seen it every day and stopped register it constantly? Just because you don't stop in front of it every day and reminice about loving your.. let's say old family cat, means that suddenly you stopped loving your cat or what?

[bellaaldamas]

I just wanted to say, thank you and the other fans from this part of the GoW fandom.

In a place full of trolls and gamerbros who turn characters that they deem annoying into irredeemable, useless bitches (Freya, Angrboða) and characters they do like are reduced to either prize for someone (Thrúd, Sif and somehow, Freya again) or into their masculinity idol (Kratos, whom they only accept as the testosterone caricature godkiller and his development seen as creators turning him soft. This claim is at it's peak with Ragnarok, but it was there back in 2018 such as wanting Kratos to beat or even kill Atreus for "acting like a brat". What a horrible mindset!) - It's nice to have a side with people who are welcoming, creative and genuinely fun to interact with.

Your analyses - both fandom and in-game inputs - are a delight to read. They're beautifuly written, intelligent and well formulared, I always feel smarter after reading them.

Apologies if you prefer to discuss this in DMs, I wanted others to read this too.

I wish you a wonderful rest of your day/night 💛

Thank you so much for this message, this kind of feedback truly makes existing in this - and, admittedly, other fandoms - worth it. Your summary of my ramblings genuinely took me by surprise as I haven't been "conventionally" active in the fandom intentionally due to negative past experiences with other fandoms. Those occasional inputs I do come up with are mainly hastily written bursts in broken English.

I don't make a secret out of the fact that in my experience all fandoms, definitely not just Gow(R), are toxic to varying degrees due to trolls employing the very same tactic everywhere they go. For one, it's creating the illusion of dominance of their opinion in terms of quantity (as they have no arguments to back up their stance other than canon twisting nonsense they clearly realize that "quality" is not their strong suit). To attain that, they resort to a number of other tactics typically used by abusers both online and in real life.

As such, whenever trolls see intelligent and thoughtful people refuting their "points" they know they cannot come up with a single canon compliant rebuttal. Therefore they dog-pile in droves as to wear down the opponent who inevitably has to stop responding to them at some point. Because a logical person who dedicates time and thought to formulate an argument, fact checks and brings up evidence and quotes from the source material simply cannot withstand a wave of unhinged trolling coming at them left, right and center. They certainly cannot respond to each ridiculous one line statement of the trolls (such as the types of statements you bring up, in the vein of "Freya is a b1tch, she should've DyEd instead of He**d*all!!11!!") by typing out a thorough and researched response each time. As it would require not just spending hours on it but repeating themselves numerous times over.

The above behavior from trolls is what caused me personally a burnout from the fandom culture overall and led to my taking a distance. When I engage with people in online communities I tend to avoid blanket statements and try to always back up my points with examples from canon. Trolls don't need any of that and always dismiss those points or, at best, make it look like they acknowledge them (by quoting back). But instead of replying with canon facts they resort to Strawman Arguments or Ad Hominem.

In Gow(R) and other gaming fandoms there's also the matter of the trolls looking for "backup" in the form of big bloggers/reviewers who express, in some respects, a view of the plot and characters similar to them. Which trolls use as another "proof" their opinion is supposedly held by the majority. But the uncomfortable - for them and those reviewers - truth is that YouTube community (a cesspool of trolling as of now) represents hardly even 1 percentage of the general audience (one that pays actual money for the games). Which at most passively watches some of those videos, mainly when they have a click baiting title.

A prime example is that "viral" video with millions of views about Atreus supposedly "having a crush on Thrud". Looking at the comment section it becomes obvious that the people leaving humorous and lighthearted remarks don't take the video or the title statement seriously. Whereas the actual trolls who consider Atreus a "selfish little runt" (c) but somehow good enough to be a prize/reward for Thrud (whom they either sexualize or treat as their girlboss self insert); and who deny that Atreus and Angrboda is the only canon budding romance arc in the series are the same four or five people/nicknames. Who can be observed under other Atreus/Angrboda videos with their nonsense.

Furthermore, trolls actively participated in making the "Atreus and Thrud" piece viral in the comment section for at least one Atreus/Angrboda tribute video by mentioning the AT video and the amount of views it has. And openly insisting it somehow "proves that the fans want" Atreus and Thrud as a romantic arc for Atreus - the very same character they consider unworthy of being a secondary protagonist let alone becoming the main lead of the series or having his own spin off. But, as noted, they believe him to be acceptable enough to become a trophy man for their preferred girlboss.

That in turn brings us to another issue of male characters absolutely also being susceptible to objectification and being reduced to love interests and plot devices for female characters whom fandom minority treats as a part of their personal power fantasy. Atreus hating trolls originally didn't even deny they hated Angrboda "by association" with Atreus - thus even they initially admitted she was intended as his potential romantic partner by the narrative - because women to them are just men's extensions/accessories. But when they realized this argument makes it very easy to dismiss them for the bitter misogynists that they are they changed the tactic (also classic troll pattern) and started to distort canon in order to invent "arguments" to justify not just their Atreus hating but also their Angrboda hating stance.

To "warm up" they originally started calling Angrboda a "woke points character" which I cannot stress enough is utterly laughable when coming from Atreus/Thrud shippers. Because if there is a woke points or fan-service character in GowR it would be Thrud and Heimdall, respectively. They're the only ones who could be either removed entirely (Thrud) or replaced/have their screentime reduced to one or two scenes and the story would've been exactly the same. Thrud's Valkyrie aspirations have no influence on the plot whatsoever and are a complete filler. I'm saying this not because I dislike either of them but because it's an objective fact that smashes troll arguments flat.

Then there is the matter of the trolls being unable to stand the fact that interactions with Angrboda is Atreus's healthiest and most positive relationship in the story. It especially challenged them that Angrboda always valued Atreus's personal choices and didn't once question him (even when she disagreed with his train of action), his moral character or his right to take his own independent decisions (on the contrary, Thrud questioned his every move and deemed him untrustworthy the moment he made one, genuine mistake with Garm - and the trolls deemed it admirable because "finally someone put that little runt in place"; they don't actually ship Atreus and Thrud, they ship their own aggression and disdain towards Atreus projected onto Thrud).

Angrboda let Atreus exercise his agency (another troll nightmare as they cannot stand the very idea of Atreus having any) even when his actions went directly against her mother's words about the giant marbles or against the prophesy itself. That is, despite Angrboda considering the prophesy which killed both of her parents her lifeline. And believing that delivering said prophesy and the giant souls to Loki was her one and only mission in the existence full of loneliness (years of not speaking to another person, per Angrboda's own admission). As well as full of hard labor she had to engage in daily at a strikingly young age (purely out of love and sense of responsibility for every living thing in Ironwood) because there was no one around to help her (Atreus understandably expressed astonishment and admiration at that which Angrboda appreciated but - which is no less important - pointed out they're the same age; implying that she knows and acknowledges Atreus/Loki has gone through a lot himself and fared well). Even Angrboda's grandmother broke due to challenges that only made Angrboda more caring and compassionate.

Which is another point worth addressing about fandom culture because it tends to put down gentle and vulnerable girls and women as "unfeminist". Modern "feminism" has little to do with woman empowerment or rights and is a repackaged patriarchy that praises women/female characters as strong and independent only when they take the aggressor and conqueror mantle from a man.

Kratos fell a victim of a similar thinking on part of both the gamebro AND the "progressive" segment of the fandom. I realize Tumblr is not ready yet for that conversation, but masculinity is not inherently toxic and neither is femininity. What both gamebros and woke types cannot handle is that Kratos's development and Angrboda's character represent the type of masculinity and femininity, respectively, that isn't imposed on them by the sexist society but that is based completely on their free will and life experience. Moreover, Thrud is the one who was heavily influenced by the toxic environment she grew up in. Therefore considering her a "feminist icon" is both factually wrong and unwise (even if we discount her "treacherous ex wife" comment in regards to Freya because that was ALSO a part of Odin's toxic influence that she can now, hopefully, work through and move on from).

But the most delightful part is that none of those troll views and arguments have proven to matter at all. GowR developers went on to do literally every single thing trolls dreaded. Freya was not made into a "big bad b!tch who deserved to be killed by Kratos for being a less than perfect mother" (even though not only was Kratos the furthest thing from the father of the year in Gow18 but as you note, the very same people wouldn't object to physical violence against Atreus at his hands). Kratos continued to work towards healthier existence and carving a better path. Angrboda remained an emotionally mature, loving, caring and independent person with a potential of her relationship with Atreus going further in the following installments. Atreus is clearly set up to have his own spin off or remain a secondary protagonist or even become the main protagonist next game. That in and of itself is a prime example of how irrelevant trolls and their entitled demands are in the grand scheme of things.

That being said, as I always point out, we should keep in mind we cannot control media we consume, only our experience with it. A healthy emotional distance from it is the only way to avoid stress if/when the writers come up with decisions we might not like or find offensive. Mental well being should be our priority and media created by others should never define us.

Thank you again for this positive and inspiring message. Have a great and fulfilling time yourself <3

[okamirayne]

Burnout Recovery

Meaning, something that burnout can ruthlessly steal from you. What returns it?

Thank you to every single blessed individual reviewer, reader and reacher who has ever reached out to me regarding my writing and shared your experience of my storytelling madness. I’m currently rereading every message and review I’ve ever been blessed to receive; to remind me how to answer the vital questions posed here that I have struggled with ever since burnout hit:

What is the gift you carry in your soul? What have you brought with you into the heart of the village?

I love and appreciate those who so kindly remind me of the meaning of what I do, which trumps all drill-sergeant self-talk, and forced modern-culture motivation mantras (the hustle shit) that only leads to further stress and illness. 🙏🏼

Modern Culture is fucked sideways and upside-down right now. Hello Clown World 🤡

Takeaways:

Cultivate your own myths and soul-medicines to find your meaning. If you can’t find joy in your old go-to pleasures right now, please find relief from any of your pressures.

If nothing seems to fill you right now, you may need to Empty Out rather than consume or try to fill what feels like a void. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether we’re truly empty inside, or too full of shit to feel.

It feels strange to share this, but as people have enquired (and are so sadly suffering similarly), I said I would do my best to offer my random and humble findings as I navigate my own way from the hellfire wasteland of burnout back to my writing worlds again.

I hope this helps someone. 🙏🏼 Even if it’s just to acknowledge their sadness.

For any other creatives going through burnout and are in the baby steps of recovery — or even if you’re sitting in the wreckage and not yet on recovery’s road just yet— I get you, I see you, I hear you, I feel for you, and I wish you so much grace in gently cradling and protecting the gifts you hold whilst your mind/body/spirit heals so you can return to your creative projects again and feel what the fires of burnout scorched and then extinguished in you.

Beauty CAN come out of Ashes.

And that beauty doesn’t have to be a phoenix. It can be a tiny, tiny spark — and even if the spark doesn’t catch just yet, stay with it, stay with it, please stay with it ✨

~ Rayne ☕️💜

Thank you BtB readers/reviewers for staying with me as I return to HHU to help me find my way back to my sparks once more ✨💖 Love and appreciate you 🙏🏼

[amanitaphalloides]

did final round interviews with this place recently where every single interview they basically warned me about insane overwork like here are the events of my separate interviews: 1) in interview with a leader i asked about bad reviews on glassdoor and she responded "yes i'm sure you saw the word burnout well i hope this doesn't sound like victim blaming but sometimes people say they burned out because they think they can only fit so much on their plate and haven't learned how to expand their plate" 2) at the end of an interview with a manager i asked what work-life balance meant to her but then someone else joined the call and she just started shooting the shit with him and then left without answering 3) in an interview with a potential peer i asked this same question and she told me first that the person from item 2 was constantly working long days and then said "i'm probably telling you too much but i have really been working on this in therapy and we agreed i need to start doing one thing for myself a day to balance work so what i've been doing is looking at the clock and if it's already been a long day logging off." so as you might imagine i was like jesus christ i don't want to work here and AGONIZING over whether i could justifiably turn down full benefits and just keep freelancing and really working myself into a lather over this bc far and away the part of the process i find most nerve wracking is negotiating/rejecting an offer. but anyway they just called me and said that i was great but they were moving forward with candidates w agency experience and i cannot tell you the last time i was this jubilant HAHAHAHAH L coded W

[tiktaaliker]

my thoughts on the stuff ive listened to during work; note that im not basing my reviews on how good the actual book is, its based on how my personal experience was to listen to the audiobook while working in the lab

Animorphs books 1-3: i read this series as a kid but only once, so i was familiar with the story enough to not get distracted but i had forgotten enough of the details to be kept engaged. Voice acting was fine, tolerable to listen to, character voices distinct enough to differentiate without being annoying (albiet with at least one exception). Biggest issue is length- since my shifts are 8 hours, i got through the first 3 books in a single shift, and the specific version i was listening to was split up into a handful of short parts each book so i kept having to switch to the next video, which was way too much of a momentum-stopper (and work interruption) to stick with this series specifically.

The Witcher books 1+2: eh. was fine enough. once again this was something i was familiar enough with to follow without having to worry too much about missing details, while also being somewhat entertaining. i think i liked it a lot better to read than to listen to. voice acting was fine. biggest issue was that i had finally gotten used to the narrator pronouncing dandelion as dan-DIL-leon for the first book but in the second book he switched to pronouncing it as DAN-dee-lion and i had to stop partway through because of it

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: i remember enjoying reading it a lot more than listening. Ill be the first to admit that im kind of picky about audiobook narration and this one just didnt hit right, but was overall a good experience. Voice acting was fine, and the actual story was very entertaining as expected. Perfectly acceptable.

Discworld books 1-2: extremely good listens. Voice acting was great, character voices were fun and fit the characters really well, only skirted the line of being annoying. fantastic story, but not too complicated or unfamiliar, so i could still follow and be entertained while still focusing on work. Will probably continue the series at some point, but giving myself a buffer period before i start up again to avoid series burnout

Malevolent parts 41-44 (catching up with the podcast lol): man. theres just something about listening to a guy getting gutted and filled with maggots while working in the lab of a hospital. like broooo you are going to get sepsis!!! Very good listen, as expected, just kinda funny trying to keep a straight face while talking to coworkers and simultaneously listening to arthur's no good very bad day

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell: probably the best one so far for what im using these for. The length meant i was able to spend like 4 whole shifts on the one audiobook. Footnotes were incorporated fantastically, narrator and voice acting was phenomenal, and its also pretty much my favorite book of all time. Ive read this SEVERAL times, but because of how fucking huge this thing is theres a lot of details i forgot about or misremembered. Only issue is that it was split up into several audio tracks, so i had to switch to the next one a few times per shift. They were each around 2 hours long however, so it wasnt too inconvenient. Also at one point i fucked up and accidentally skipped like 8 whole hours without realizing until after an hour in where they referenced an event i KNEW i hadnt gotten to yet lol

Catch-22: man they really went all fucking OUT on the voice acting here. All characters are EXTREMELY distinct, so im very easily able to tell who's talking even without speaking tags. One of my pet peeves in audiobooks is when the narrator whisper-yells when a character is meant to be screaming. That does not happen here. Narrator fucking COMMITS. Yelling, sobbing, laughing, all of it. Fucking fantastic. Phenomenal as an audiobook, i think i mightve even enjoyed it even better than actually reading it.

Slaughterhouse-five: man. this one is ALSO an audiobook that is fucking PHENOMENAL. biggest problem is that i got WAYYY too into it. I really needed to just sit down and soak it in, which was not very condusive to a workplace environment. I now have a self-imposed limit where im not going to be listening to any more vonnegut books from now on because i KNOW itll have a similar affect

His majesty's dragon: this one couldve been good, but the recording i found was not. The guy reading it did a big spiel at the beginning of each chapter and kept adding unneeded commentary like it was a middle school read along. Im going to be getting a library card today so i can use libby, so i might come back to this once i get access to an actual official audiobook lol

murder on the orient express: nope. barely lasted three minutes into this one

percy jackson and the lightning thief: see this is an example of something ive actually read too many times as a kid so i know the book too well for an audiobook to be entertaining. Dropped it after less than a chapter.

the kane chronicles: had potential, i remember liking the story a lot as a kid but i hadnt read it nearly as much as the pjo series, and i think it wouldve been at least vaguely entertaining. However, half the book has one of the narrator sdoing a really bad british accent for his sister's voicelines and i just couldnt do it. i didnt have the strength. Dropped after maybe 4 chapters.

Camp Damascus: the only audiobook of the lot that i actually bought, and the first one i got through that i hadnt read the physical book before. Interesting story, ok voice acting. Solid choice to listen to. Not quite what i was expecting, but pretty good story! Had some EXTREMELY gnarly descriptions of body horror thrown in at like. two points of the story maybe. Didnt really affect me personally but kinda threw me off in a 'this feels like a different story entirely' sort of way. Dont have much else to say here since these reviews are more talking about my experience with these as audiobooks specifically, and i havent read the book itself to be able to compare this one.

[writingquestionsanswered]

(1) Speaking of fan fictions, how to deal with the fact that I'm never going to receive the feedback I would like to because I am writing in my native language and not in English?

I started writing fan fictions in 2011. I spend practically every hour of my free time writing narrative, researching, editing, and of course posting and sharing on AO3.

But I'm... lonely. Very few views, no kudos, no bookmarks, and of course not even a single review.

I keep working hard on my stories, I keep posting nearly every week a new chapter, but it's getting tiresome. I fear a burnout, or a collapse, and yet I know I can't help it, because I can't force people to read, even using Translate.

Fan-Fiction: Struggling to Find Non-English Readers

How can I stay motivated in a situation like this? I love writing and I always do my best, sweating and crying and loving my work, but reading other stories (in English, of course) and other fan fictions where the author goes like: "I wrote this without even re-reading, not planning, etc" and still they get more feedback than me... I die inside every time. Thank you for your eventual help. I wish you a wonderful day. :)

I'm so sorry that you're struggling to find readers of your native language. One thing you might try is looking on social media for fan groups based in your country for the fandoms you write for. Then you can post links to your stories there. You can also try posting in general/worldwide groups to see if there are any readers who speak/read your language. One last thing you might try is posting here on tumblr, then use hashtags to tag not only the fandom but the language.

I hope one of these things will work for you! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[nanowrimo]

Pro Tips from a NaNo Coach: Getting Through the Muddy Middle of Your Novel

NaNoWriMo can seem like a daunting task sometimes, for NaNo newbies and veterans alike. Fortunately, our NaNo Coaches are here to help guide you through November! Today, author Peng Shepherd is here to share her advice on how to set yourself up for noveling success:

Welcome to the middle stretch of the NaNoWriMo challenge! Whether this is your first NaNoWriMo or you’re a seasoned, ink-stained veteran, and whether you started strong right out of the gate or it took you a little bit of time to warm up, we’re well on our way with this journey now—and reality might be starting to set in. 

Beginnings are the easiest part of a novel, I’ve always thought. It’s just you and the blank page and your excitement. Anything is possible! You can do whatever you want! It’s easy to lay down words in a frenzy because you’re building from nothing, so nothing has to make sense, nothing has to pay off, yet. You’re just trying to get from “zero” to “something” as fast as you can. 

And then eventually, far in the future, the ending of the novel will come. And at that moment, even if you’re exhausted, you’ll have so much momentum and you’ll know your characters and story so well that you’ll be hurtling toward that finish line—possibly even faster than when you started the story, full of inspiration and still unsinged by the first flames of burnout.

It’s the middles the are the hardest.

Those meandering, saggy, slow middles.

The problem with middles is that by this point in the manuscript, your draft actually might be starting to look like a book-shaped thing. And while this is great in terms of progress, it’s also really tough in terms of morale. Because for the first time, there’s finally enough material that you can see how messy, confusing, and seemingly unsalvageable what you already have is… and also how much farther you still have to go. 

Then, life gets in the way. You miss a day or two, and fall behind on word count. A work emergency happens, or your laptop goes on the fritz. Friends need help, you realize you have to delete ten pages, then the roof starts leaking. And your plot still doesn’t make any sense, your characters won’t behave, and you have no idea how to fix any of it. You’re lost, you’re exhausted, and you’re still nowhere near the finish line—how did you think you were ever going to write something as gigantic as entire novel? It’s impossible!

There’s a little piece of advice I give myself at overwhelming moments like these:

When the goal or the pressure feels too big, go small. Really small.

A book is a huge thing. It’s way too big to hold in your head like that! Trying to face a goal of that size every single day you sit down can crush you.

So, don’t think about the whole picture. I like to tell myself, I’m not writing a book today. Or, I’m not writing a first draft today. Or even, I’m not writing a chapter today. Instead, I tell myself, I’m just writing this next scene, or, I’m just changing her location from Chicago to San Francisco. 

Or, in this case, I’m just writing 1,667 words today (or whatever your session goal is).

This advice helps me remember that I indeed do not have to write the entire book in one day. I just have to write a single scene, or fix a single thing. I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. And I’ll worry about whether the draft any good or not, or how to revise it, even later than that.

So, if you’ve been struggling lately or feeling crushed under the weight of your goal, I invite you to try this tactic. Right now, or after work, or later tonight, find a few minutes and open up that laptop or notebook. Don’t reread what you wrote last time and start tinkering to make it better, don’t review your outline to confirm things are still making sense, don’t take stock of your progress to see how much you have left. Don’t think about the rest of the manuscript and how it all has to connect. Just think about the part that’s right in front of you. The scene that you’re in right now.

Remember, you’re not writing a whole book today. You’re not writing a whole chapter today, even. 

You’re just writing this one small scene.

Now, onward! Because the only way out of a middle is through it.

Peng Shepherd was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona, and has lived in Beijing, Kuala Lumpur, London, New York, and Mexico City. Her second novel, The Cartographers, became a national bestseller, was named a Best Book of March by The Washington Post, and received a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts. Her debut, The Book of M, won the Neukom Institute for Literary Arts Award, and was chosen as a best book of the year by Amazon, Elle, Refinery29, and The Verge, as well as a best book of the summer by the Today show and NPR’s On Point.

[author-a-holmes]

Preface

This year was a year where I learnt a lot about myself. As many of you know, I released my debut novel, Changeling, in March. This was a literal dream come true for me, and I spent the majority of January, February and the first half of March editing the final files, and organizing the release.

All while trying to continue writing Darkling.

And then I burnt out. Hard. I wouldn't call it a mistake, I've learnt a lot about myself and the publishing process, and what my limits are, but it took me quite a bit longer than I'd have liked to recover from that burnout, and so my stats for this year, once I take a look at this, probably aren't going to be a steady as I'd like.

And what I mean by that is there were several periods where I tried to push forward, but had to let it go and continue just recuperating.

It's only been in the tail end of 2023 I've begun writing semi-regularly again, but I digress. Let's dig into some statistics for 2023...

Projects Worked On

Darkling 77,136 words (This year! Total manuscript is almost 100k right now) - Bonus Scene; 1,109

Flash Fiction Pieces 1,264 words over 4 pieces of flash fiction

Fanfiction 825 words over 2 pieces of fanfiction Fandoms: @night-market-if's The Night Market Interactive Fiction

Total Words Written in 2023: 82,415 Total Time Spent Writing in 2023: 71 hours 40 minutes

First Quarter - January-February-March

Words: 19,428 Time Writing: 19 hours 30 minutes Time Editing: 11 hours 20 minutes

This period I was hyper-focussed on getting ARC's of Changeling out to readers, finalising formatting, particularly for the Hardcover, reviewing proof copies, setting up all the various sales channels, and most of the time I logged in January was Editing Time as I needed to review the notes left my by Editor before release.

Once the editing was finalised, I tried catching up with Darkling in between everything else and this is where I really began struggling. I'd thrown myself into my self-edits in December of 2022, and in hindsight I really needed a break but, with a deadline approaching, I just couldn't take one.

Second Quarter - April-May-June

Words: 5,224 Time Writing: 2 hours 20 minutes

April and May I wrote absolutely nothing. Not a single word. And while I never announced it publically, June was supposed to be the original release date for Darkling.

Which meant I had to cancel my editor slot, and re-evaluate where I stood on what I could reasonably accomplish. This is really where I began to recognise how hard I'd pushed myself into a burnout.

After writing nothing for two months, June was where I tried to do a complete reset, and start from scratch building up my daily wordcount and, well. I just wasn't ready yet. I managed 2 days in June, on the 3rd and 4th, and then crashed back into writing nothing.

Third Quarter - July-August-September

Words: 1,346 Time Writing: 1 hour 20 minutes

After crashing in my reset attempt in June, I knew I had to just ride the burnout to it's end. Pushing was only going to make it last longer. I also knew I had a long-awaited holiday set in September. It was my first holiday in about 15 years, so I decided to not set any goals for this quarter. If the mood to write struck me, I'd go with it, but otherwise I was concentrating on reading, on preparing for my holiday, and on outlining other ideas, worldbuilding, and anything to do with my books that wasn't actually putting new words down on the page.

One of those things was figuring out a bonus scene to give away for Darkling Preorders, and I did try working on that a little in August. That's where most of my words for this quarter landed, but most of my time was spent outlining.

And the thing is, the holiday actually really helped. Where I went on holiday happened to be a very similar landscape/enviroment to one of the location in Darkling, and I found around the middle of the holiday I was handwriting in a notebook. I'd not done that in a long time.

Fourth Quarter - October-November-December

October Words: 2,439 Time Writing: 2 hours 45 minutes

November Words: 51,841 Time Writing: 43 hours 45 minutes

December Words: 2,273 Time Writing: 1hour 40 minutes

I came back from my holiday re-energised and knew I wanted to dive straight back into Darkling while still riding that high. I spent some time writing in October, before I hit a few snags and realised I needed to get a birds eye view on the plot.

So I stepped back from writing again to rehash my outline. I now have a timeline of events stuck to the large cupboard in my living room, but it set me up for success in November's Nanowrimo.

My original goal for Nano was 75k, which would have completed the Darkling Manuscript, but November Nano's are always hard, and I've only just pulled myself out of a 6-month burnout, so I had no intention of pushing myself too hard. I did win Nano, but with 51k and change.

Which left me just December to finish the final 20-25k. I'm always a little slower in December. A reaction to a fast Nanowrimo/November, combined with family and holiday seasonal stuff pulling at my time, so I didn't get as much done as I'd have liked, before Christmas prep took up all my free time. I did still managed a few thousand words though, so I was happy enough with that considering how the rest of 2023 had gone.

Goals for 2024

I try and keep my goals vague and loose, because I know I can't always commit to things, especially long term, but in general I'm just going to try and make self care a priority this year, while still making progress and moving forward with my writing.

Make my health a priority

Pace my writing and editing time to avoid burnout

Publish Darkling

Complete the Fey Touched manuscript

Send out my newsletter regularly

Books Read in 2023

I do consider the books I read part of my process. Something to refill the creative well, so here's a list of books I've read over the course of the year too...

Lux by Rae Else (My Review of 'Lux') .

Shut Up and Write The Book by Jenna Moreci (My Review of 'Shut Up & Write The Book') .

Fernweh Saga Book One (Interactive Fiction) (My Review of 'Fernweh Saga Book #1' on Steam) .

A Rival Most Vial by R.K. Ashwick (My Review of 'A Rival Most Vial') .

Changeling by Arista Holmes (Yes, I did reread my own book!) (Goodreads Reviews of Changeling; 4.58 Stars) .

The Enchantment Emporium by Tanya Huff (Tradpub) .

The Night Market Book One by Zinnia Demitasse (Interactive Fiction) (My Review of 'The Night Market Book #1' on Steam) .

Wrath and Wraiths, Chronicles of the Dawnblade Book Four by Andrew Claydon (My Review of 'Wrath and Wraiths') .

The Signature Move by Cassandra Diviak (My Review of 'The Signature Move') .

City of Souls by Mel Harding-Shaw (Reread!) (My Review of City of Souls) .

Shards of Stasis by Mel Harding-Shaw .

Shrine of Stars by Mel Hardin-Shaw . And my current read it;

The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski (Tradpub)

[darlinguistics]

i went off my adhd meds (strattera) for a few weeks as a lil experiment cuz i havent gone off them since i started them really and its too high stakes to go off them during the school year so i did it now before summer ended. i just started taking them again yesterday because i decided i was done with the lil experiment, so here's the review:

Things I Remembered About Myself/My ADHD After Actually Experiencing Them In Full-Unmedicated-Swing Again After A While (A Few Years)

conversations were fever dreams. i noticed it especially with my sister who im so close with and rarely mask around, i think like at least 1 in 3 thoughts were never finished or were finished like 2 minutes later after i remembered i never finished them. i also would totally ignore parts of things people said because i got caught up on the first thing they said and then they had to repeat themselves. i so often walked away from conversations feeling like i genuinely had no control over what i chose to say. the worst by far though was how when i really Did want to say something, i suddenly felt so inarticulate and nothing i said was actually what i meant. it was so frustrating and i didnt stay off my meds long enough to get super anxious about it but it made me remember how anxious i used to be socially before i was medicated and that was why

i lose things like crazy wow. such a cliche adhd symptom that everyone who treats adhd as a personality quirk references as like silly and chaotic of them but when its a real thing dude, its genuinely such a burden. i would just have 0 recollection of where i put things as recent as like 2 seconds ago. i lost my water bottle at work, my phone for a second, i luckily didnt lose my wallet and keys but i misplaced them so often and had mini heart attacks every time. one time i was in the car with my sister and i was like 'ugh i forgot my phone!! grr adhd!!' and then we were parked and i was waiting for her to do something and i killed time ON MY PHONE and then she came back and i put it down and then just stared at it like... wait where tf did my phone come from

sounds became so much more painful. i always underestimate my own sensory issues and i forgot how much auditory things especially are hard for me. i worked at a summer camp during this too, so i genuinely could not avoid the constant noise for like at least 8 hours straight every single day. it was annoying before i went off the meds but once i was off them it was borderline unbearable

decision overload! another symptom thats so easy to treat as just quirky and silly but wow it is debilitating!! it took all of my effort to make myself actually eat dinner every night because i would think of what to have and even just having to choose between a few things was enough to make my brain just shut off and prefer to just not eat even though i was starving. i got so much worse at grocery shopping which i usually love to do because i couldnt keep straight what my plans for the week for food were anymore. so much food went rotten because i forgot i bought it. honestly i could make a whole separate post about the weird changes my appetite went through

i just got so much more annoyed by myself? ive worked pretty hard to build a better relationship with myself the last couple of years and i actually feel like ive come really far about being nice to myself, but all the little ways that adhd inconvenienced me or messed something up, even when they were all very minor things with no serious impact, still had me with so much less patience for myself and so much more critical. i was actually shocked at how drastically the change happened and every time i caught myself it made me so sad to realize i was so angry with myself, but i also didnt really know how to tone it down. its like my mind was an overworked caregiver or something, like i gave myself compassion burnout. i think this was the nail in the coffin that made me end the little experiment and go back on my meds, because there was just no way to really fix that and give my mind the break it needed to calm down without them and i didnt like how much lower my self esteem was from just a few weeks of it.

we all know overstimulation sucks but so did the understimulation. i like totally forgot how that felt honestly, but it was painful at times. i would finally get some free time during my really busy schedule but all i could really get myself to do was just kinda sit in a quiet room and do literally nothing, maybe play soft music but only if my ears let me after all the noise of the day. i called my family less because i didnt want to hear anyones voice or i knew id get bored and wanna hang up really quick and i knew that would be rude. it was this weird situation where i felt so overstimulated most days for so long that when i finally got a reprieve i was genuinely exhausted energetically and physically and i couldnt actually make myself do much during down time but then that just made me so so understimulated and bored and SAD! i felt so much duller, almost numb, isolated. it was depressing, and then shameful when people would ask me how i spent my time and i had to say i did nothing. it reminded me of coming home from school growing up and being such an anti-social empty husk with 0 energy, back then it was even more troubling because it also made me irritable around my family and made me fall behind on assignments which only stressed me more which only exhausted me more and it was an endless cycle

okay but any good things?? i mean why did i do this?

trust me im very well acquainted with the downfalls of hyperfixating but wow i forgot how good and fulfilling it could feel too!! i started reading?? chat when was the last time i read a book omg. im genuinely so happy about this development it was like i woke up one day and was like hm actually.. im a reader. i read now. im gonna read. i wouldve expected the opposite for going off my meds but i think the unfiltered excitement about the material gave me more motivation which made up for the lack of attention span

coffee mmmmmmm. i luckily avoided like a full addiction to it (again i am very familiar with the potential evils of coffee x adhd trust me) but idk man coffee just started to hit different. while medicated i mostly just drank coffee out of like the comfort and familiarity of it and the flavor, but didnt actually crave it as much for the caffeine aspect of it because it felt unneeded and at worst anxiety inducing, but while unmedicated it became like... exactly what i wanted it to be, idk i cant describe it well lol

okay that summer camp job i mentioned, i worked with some disabled kids there that was like my Job. and i was initially worried about not being 'normal' enough off my meds to help them anymore but im so glad i did it because it made me realize/remember that it actually helped! like of course it did idk why i was nervous about it! it obviously comes with its unique challenges but it was mostly a strength that i felt like i understood some of them more and i was able to be more of like an older role model leading by example of how to exist in this way instead of just an outsider telling them what to do and what not to do without actually trying to understand them. this summer really reignited a lot of my passions about working with disabled children especially neurodivergent children and being unmedicated for a portion of it only fueled that fire more and i just feel so much more connected to the community again and so excited about the career im trying to make for myself :)

i was so shitty at masking lol, even though i still mask when im medicated i felt out of practice when i was unmedicated. but this time around i was more sure in myself so while im not and never will be immune to the shame or insecurity of being perceived unmasked i was also able to appreciate it more than i ever have. i feel like i was better at standing up for myself. i had some challenging social situations and even though i had the brain-to-mouth communication difficulties i mentioned before, it at least felt a lot easier to identify what my wants and needs were and to give them a voice, even if my voice didnt always hit the mark it still felt good to try. i tend to be a bit of a mirror or a doormat sometimes (im also a gemini rising for the astrology ppl :3 lol) because trying to navigate my own mind to find what my opinions are and then decide which are appropriate to share is like too much work so i tend to just be agreeable and small-talk-y, but i think the unmedicated adhd made me care less about all that and just like, say what i felt (or try to at least) and then also stand by what i said too. it was a good reminder that confrontation isnt inherently evil, its good actually to take up space like that sometimes. it was nice, with how much being unmedicated made me lose trust in myself in a lot of ways, i feel like it built self-trust in this aspect.

tl;dr - am i glad i did it? yes. will i do it again soon? probably not, but eventually. do i recommend it? yes..? but only if you feel like it is something that will actually benefit you and if you feel supported enough to navigate whatever challenges come up during it. do i feel differently about my meds? it definitely made me remember what exactly they do for me, and going off them for a bit satisfied the spiteful little part of me that kinda always wants to go off them and just fuck around. i feel less of the weird guilt i sometimes have about medicating now that i remember how it helps and that my unmedicated self is still part of me and i havent like, killed it off lol. do i feel differently about my adhd? i feel a lot more aware of it again in both the parts i appreciate of it and the parts that i struggle with and that was probably the most valuable takeaway from all of this.

[hollygl125]

On rabbit holes and fanfic (in my own life):

*This is a note I wrote for AO3/FFN, but I’ve been meaning for a while to write a post on how I—a member of the Oregon Trail generation—wound up signing up for Tumblr in January 2022, and this kind of hints at that, so I thought I might as well share it here, too.*

What follows is a TMI note on why I can’t make any promises on when the next chapter of this story will be up; please read or don’t, as pleases you.  I would like to state first, though, what I also state at the bottom of this note: thank you so, so, so very much for reading; your kind support means more than I can tell you.

So, I’m, ah… not very good at all this.

Two years ago now, as I was doing a “CSI as love story” rewatch and falling far, far, far down the GSR rabbit hole, I was also falling deep into ADHD burnout and overwhelming anxiety (without, at the time, realizing that I had either ADHD or a lifetime of anxiety).  By the time spring 2022 rolled around, I was lacking executive functioning abilities for even basic tasks, while my mind sought solace or dopamine or whatever it was with—you guessed it—these two lovely science nerds.

I read hundreds and hundreds of GSR fics, without managing to leave a single, solitary comment/review.  (I wanted to comment!  I couldn’t!  I’m not saying commenting would have killed me, but I just couldn’t do it; I wouldn’t have been able to continue reading if it were required, and obsessing over these two science nerds was basically all my mind could handle.  So when I tell you that I get that commenting can be too much sometimes, I get it.  I should also note my eternal gratitude to all the amazing GSR fic writers who—unknowingly—helped me during this time.)

I occasionally questioned whether I might try writing something about these science nerds, but I always dismissed that pretty quickly.  I’d never willingly undertaken a creative writing project in my life (unless you count my last dog’s Instagram).  For added context, until 2022, I had last (and first, for that matter) previously read fan fiction in the mid-2000s, when my favourites on The West Wing were taking their own sweet time.  So in January 2022, while desperate for more GSR content, I was like, “Is fanfic still a thing?  Is there GSR fanfic?”  I literally started by googling “GSR fan fiction.”  I’d never even heard of AO3 or FFN; I think the fic for The West Wing had been on Yahoo! Groups.

But I had all these romantic scenarios and headcanons and such constantly running through my head, and I was getting tired of having to recreate the dialogue for them every night as I fell asleep.  So eventually, in late June 2022, I thought maybe I should try writing something down—at some point in the future, once I’d had more time to prepare.  Naturally the next day my brain was like, no, now, now, we’re doing this now.  I had no conscious say in the matter.  I wasn’t sure whether I was going to post anything, but apparently I was going to write it.

I had a lot of fun writing out so many of my thoughts and feeling and hopes and dreams for our two lovely science nerds, and pretty soon I had a draft for this series of stories (although it was only a fraction of what I have now written).  I started posting the first story in September 2022.  Luckily I got to participate in a (also luckily, not very mentally taxing) overseas professional placement for several months at the end of 2022, and this was a welcome distraction from *everything else* about my life.

When I got home in winter 2023, the anxiety returned in full force.  I got an ADHD diagnosis, but neither that nor the anxiety are effectively managed yet.  And, truth be told, posting these stories gives me a lot of anxiety.  It’s sort of been a weekly cycle of posting, feeling very anxious about it for several days, talking myself back to a place of peace, getting ready to post again, posting again, rinse, repeat.  Sometimes I’ve found myself feeling too anxious to post, and the chapter/story in question has been pushed back by a week.

So I wasn’t exactly feeling great about the posting process, but I was still determined to proceed.  I had a posting schedule that would have seen me finish posting this story by the end of November (last month) then post the remaining four shorter stories over the next couple months.  (A few of them are synced to dates/times of year: the winter holidays and February, i.e., the anniversary of the AAFS conference.) But then, with the last chapter I posted, I was just too anxious/unhappy.  This may have been because I’d slightly accelerated my posting schedule and hadn’t left myself enough time to process everything; I’m not sure.  But I found myself looking at Tumblr gifs of our two lovely science nerds and feeling sad and resentful, not happy, and I realized that, if I continued on as I was doing at the time, I was going to destroy both my deep love of the characters and my own happy place.

So I told myself that I didn’t have to keep posting now—that, as much as I was determined to have the complete series of stories posted, I could do it in months or in a year or some other time when no one was left to read it; honestly, that thought made me feel a lot better.  But then I decided maybe I didn’t have to wait quite so long—that I could try posting once per month or something like that.  On the upside, I tell myself, this should also leave time for me to respond to comments more promptly and to go engage with other writers’ stories.  (I managed to go back and read and comment on a handful of stories this summer.  Commenting still gives me a lot of anxiety; at one point I felt like I almost gave myself a panic attack.  But I’m going to try to work at it.)  As of this morning, I have responded to all comments on these stories, including to comments by guests/people who aren’t logged in (unless I thought the comment was from a bot!).

I can’t promise when the next chapter will be posted.  My goal is for next month, but it really depends on how I feel after posting this one and how I feel next month.  I do hope you’ll come back to read it, though!

If you’ve read this far—both in this series and in this note—thank you so very much!  You certainly didn’t need to know all the information in this note, but I needed to share it, if you get what I mean.

Thank you so, so, so very much for reading and for your kind kudos, comments, follows, faves, and reviews.  Supportive comments/reviews always, always, always make my day.  Your support for this series of stories is truly what has allowed me to get even this far in posting these stories, and I appreciate it all more than I can tell you. 💛💛💛

[schnuron]

Games... #1

In the video game world, there are games that get the most attention to the public and some games sold 6 million, 10 million or 20 million copies to the public. But there are games that get less attention to the public eye.

Not Baldur's Gate 3, Elden Ring, The Witcher 3, etc.

I'm referring to Palworld and Helldivers 2 in this year.

Welp, both games are getting the hype today.

I like those two games. And I won't do a review them.

Okay, okay. This post was clickbait, but scroll down the page.

I've seen people were playing Titanfall 2 to this day and how the game wasn't popular back then. I wouldn't mind if that game was popular, while the amount of shooter games was oversaturated back in 2016 and 2017. Many people had noticed and played Overwatch, COD Infinite Warfare, Rainbow Six Siege, PUBG, Destiny and Battlefield 1.

Despite Titanfall 2 sold not big numbers of copies back in 2016, I still love Titanfall 2, but it's not for everyone.

Do you know what underrated game I used to like in 2010, but don't want to play it anymore today?

Amnesia The Dark Descent

--

Here's another example. Back in 2005, gamers and me got to play Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, Resident Evil 4, Burnout Revenge, Need for Speed Most Wanted or God of War on PS2.

But not Psychonauts, until gamers have noticed that underrated game years later.

I'm sure that not every game was made for you. If you bought a game on Steam and you didn't like it for the first 1 hour, you could refund it.

It's easier said than done, but if you're on PC, you can pirate a single-player game and see if that's your vibe. You can't do that on consoles, unless you find a way to download softwares to play an older game.

Can you enjoy the game, even though it's not your vibe or thing?

I could say yes. I played Skyrim in early 2012 and I liked it. I'm biased towards science fiction, but I appreciate any game that's fantasy.

I had a nice affair with a male Argonian in my journey of the game.

I don't know if Helldivers 2 would be the GOTY in 2024, I don't have big expectations of it.

Despite how good and fun Helldivers 2 is, though the campaign is non-existent

nor Palworld…

Just enjoy either of those two games, while the servers are still running live.

[nehswritesstuffs]

I really enjoy your TTOU AU. I’m curious if you’re going to continue writing chapters for it. Thanks for your awesome writing!!! 😊

*side-eyes people in my DMs*

Here's the short answer: I plan on it, but cannot give an estimated start date since other varying things are taking priority. In the meantime, know I love you and your support, Greyscale, as it keeps me going.

Long answer under the cut.

The thing about The Thick of UNIT is this: it's very long and very convoluted. At this juncture I need to do a complete read-through, probably do some slight editing to what's already up, take a long look at what I have planned, and then edit that to hell and back as I tighten the story and get it on track again. The main things keeping me from doing this are:

Size: We're talking 225k words thus far by AO3's estimation. That's a lot to go through! And that's just the main story! It's 283.5k words with all the extras!

Time: There's only so much spare time I have available to write, let alone edit this monster.

Writing Resources: This is something a lot of fic writers understand, I think, because it's about what ideas are flowing and when. You have to go where there is flow, or else things will be bad.

My Editor: He's still not done and is even more scattered than me when it comes to this, if you'll believe, and since he and I don't control what the other does...

Real Life: I've been job hunting for a year (exactly; I was let go a year ago today) and I'm engaged, so I've been trying to get house-hunting and wedding planning off the ground (there's a lot of barriers here I won't go into). Plus there's a bunch of normal things that I'd do anyhow involving family and friend groups that take up time. energy, and resources. And I'm a tante now?! Tantes are cool.

Indifference: Now this is admittedly a weird one that deserves explaining. I still love The Thick of UNIT, as well as the parent shows Doctor Who and The Thick of It! They all still hold a special place in my heart. It's just... well... I average single-digit notes on here. I don't have enough reviews on FFN for there to be one per chapter. Most of my comments on AO3 are conversations. Although I'll be one of the first to say that you need to write fic for yourself and don't worry about an audience, I will also admit that it's very difficult to put into practice. I hit a big ol' wall of burnout with TTOU, which is something that can happen to anyone about anything, even stuff they love, and I'm trying to get over that and the indifference it causes. also everything that i've seen of DW post-Twelve is just irritating and i feel so fucking bad for Gatwa and none of that helps any

So... yeah... the double-edged sword with longfics is that they are a lot of time and energy, which I unfortunately do not have a lot of to spare. "But what about those other fics I see you posting?" That's where all my writing resources go, because the ideas are flowing there. It's probably weird to think about since I was almost exclusively writing fic for Doctor Who and The Thick of It for nine years, but what I've been able to churn out lately hits something completely different, deep down in my soul from before I even knew what Doctor Who was, before The Thick of It first aired, and a lot of it is a bit existential in its own way.

"But what am I going to do in the meantime?!" Feel free to check out my bookmarks on AO3, which has a lot of TTOU fic (including some by the lovely @fajrbismuth, whose tumblr url is yes from the fic). That not enough? Maybe, idk, create something of your own. Write some fic, draw art, create a moodboard, do something that channels your love for it. and maybe if you make sure i see it, i can reblog it for everyone here to see. Hell, I don't even care if you do your own Malcolm/Kate stories independent of TTOU. I can't stop you.

Thank you, though, for all your love and support over the past, what eight years of this. It's humbling when I get to see how much people love my writing and it really does make it worth it in the end.

[starryoong]

🎵 + 🤭 + 🌟 for stray kids please <3

siyuan! i hope you're doing well ‹𝟹

🎵 not sure how this'll come across, but your art gives me the same feeling as one of my favourite songs; all things end by hozier. cathartic and calm and deeply intriguing.

🤭 I'm quite predictable, so I don't think any of my biases have come as a surprise? I tend to gravitate towards similarities to myself (introverted, deep thinkers / feelers, like san and yoongi) or I go completely the other way (loud, extroverted and very expressive, like changbin and seungkwan)

🌟 oh boy, I'm gonna choose Oddinary since it's the album that really cemented that I'd become a kpop stan. It'll always be a special album to me, as it was the first kpop album I listened to, even before I even cared about kpop.

I'd been on the brink of burnout from my music journalism job for months while facing finals in my photography degree and I was struggling. I didn't feel the same love for music anymore, feeling like everything started to sound the same when going through submissions and writing reviews and what not, every single week. Oddinary popped up on my spotify and I recognised the Stray Kids name from the few songs I'd heard while looking for new music (Phobia and Thunderous) and something shifted.

I felt a kind of relief over finding something that sparked my curiosity and for the lack of a better word; it felt explosive. It took me a while to have the energy to properly get into them as it was a whole new part of the music insustry that I had no knowledge of, but since then, my life has become much richer and I am so, so grateful for that album.

• kpop emoji ask game •

[watch-dog-with-a-blog]

ah sorry for neglecting the blog!!! the holidays kept me a lot busier than i thought they would. i’m back now though, and i’m three episodes behind in reviewing jupiter-men! so i’m going to put all of my thoughts on this one. think of it as a trilogy i guess? buckle up, because this will be a long one!

episode 24

so in this episode, we learn that “jessie” (who arrio referred to in a previous episode) is his little sister. and she’s adorable! arrio always felt like a “big brother” character to the twins so him having a little sibling of his own makes a lot of sense for him.

we also meet arrio’s dad who, in the middle of arrio’s “angsting,” gifts his son a journal from his mom as an early 16th birthday present. it seems like his mom left this for him before her death (or disappearance?), with the stipulation that he waits until 16 before receiving it. this is pretty common in the YA /coming-of-age genre, and it makes me wonder if there was more to arrio’s mom than meets the eye…

but we don’t get the answer to that yet, as arrio throws the gift under his bed before opening it.

arrio is understandably getting increasingly frustrated by the avalon twins flaking on him and not-so-subtly hiding something from him. of course we as an audience understand why jackie and quintin are doing so, but since arrio is in the dark, their sudden behavior changes are hurtful and worrying to him. arrio’s interaction with mr. khan (the school counselor) highlights his worry, as well as giving more insight into arrio’s past.

mr. khan is downright fearful of arrio, and there’s even mention of a past restraining order. it’s clear that arrio was (and i’m sure still is, in shades) a deeply troubled kid. seeing the reactions the adults at school have to him now, two years later, makes me wonder how supportive they were of him during the roughest part of his life. at least it seems like his dad had his back the whole time, though we still don’t have many concrete details of the things that happened back then.

checking on the twins, we see they are exhausted and their bodies are in pain after two weeks straight of training, without breaks. geez! these are two 14 year old kids. watch-dog’s training is intense.

nathan seems like a taskmaster when it comes to training the twins, and while i’m sure part of it is him wanting to rush the process to get his dad back, it also makes me wonder what kind of training jupiter-man may have put nathan through. is this kind of tireless training…NORMAL for nathan? is he putting them through grueling training because he’s single-minded in his goal and doesn’t care if it’s extremely difficult for them, or does he really not see anything wrong with pushing them so hard because he may have gone through the same? i wonder if when we eventually meet jupiter-man, the story will take a “never meet your heroes” direction and we learn he may have had some serious flaws behind the scenes.

it seems inevitable that the twins will experience serious burnout at some point. at the end of the day they are still kids, and they’re now neglecting their friends and family for their duty as superheroes. this is an enormous burden for them to carry, and i really hope they will be able to find a better balance and support than they have right now!

in the end, we see the mysterious glitches we saw in a previous episode expand into a portal, from which a mysterious new character emerges. they have fire powers and seem to be looking for something. this is so exciting! i’ve been looking forward to seeing beings from the other dimensions and getting more lore on these other worlds.

i really enjoy this kind of worldbuilding and crafting of different systems. i like that they never really feel repetitive as long as the author puts a distinct spin on them. for instance, in the separate webtoons “four leaf” and “lone,” witches play large roles. but their magic systems are totally different! the witches in four leaf gain magical strength based on the number of bells they collect with the type of abilities being determined by their exact number of bells, while the witches in lone use wands to channel different innate magics with specialties in different forms depending on the individual.

it’s that kind of variety i love about exploring different worlds and the people / creatures that inhabit them, which is why i can’t wait to see the various worlds and dimensions of jupiter-men!

episode 25

it’s arrio’s birthday! and he opens his mom’s gift!

it’s a blank journal with a mysterious cover. arrio reads the inscription, which refers to enchantment and speaking from your soul. this seems to clearly indicate that arrio’s mom was from another of these dimensions (of magic?! awesome), and probably the exact one that the mysterious character from the previous episode came from.

a ring falls out of the book, and when arrio puts it on (and subsequently can’t take it off), his eyes fill with fire for a moment. so arrio will gain access to powers at some point! i would love for him to join gusher, powerhouse, and watch-dog on their team, but i’m wondering if the mysterious person will manipulate arrio and turn him against the twins…i don’t want arrio to become a villain, but with all of this tension and misunderstandings, i think it’d be easy for him to become a pawn in a villain’s game.

(also, arrio’s snappy orange socks he always wears are presents he gets from his baby sister; such a cute detail!)

however, at school, arrio’s small friend group gives him a cupcake in celebration while the twins are nowhere to be seen. when they finally approach him late in the day, they blow off his request to hang out (again) and ask that he cover for them (so they can train without their mom asking questions). they completely forgot his birthday (they think it’s the next day because they’ve been so preoccupied with everything else).

arrio confronts them on their lies and demands to know what they’re busy with, as he’s afraid it could be a gang. things get heated between quin and arrio while jackie tries to mediate. arrio tells quin that he’s concerned because he’s like a brother to him, and quin snaps that they *aren’t*so he can stop worrying.

this was a really sad and well-written argument. arrio definitely has reasons to be upset and worried. quintin snapping was a bit shocking to see, because while he can be somewhat intense when expressing his emotions, we’ve never truly seen him this angry. and i think a lot of that is because of the stress of constantly training and lying. it’s taking a toll on him even if he doesn’t really want to admit it.

after the argument, watch-dog calls. jackie (rightfully) goes off on him, but he interrupts to say that this isn’t a drill, it’s a real attack.

i think this episode did a good job showing the conflict between the twins and arrio come to a head. they can’t just pretend everything is okay while leaving him in the dark, and i hope they’re all able to talk openly about what’s going on. before it may be too late…

episode 26

arrio is still hurt by quintin’s comment, then he’s confronted by rick chang (the bully we met wayyy back in eps. 1 and 2). rick is pushy with trying to get information to go after jackie while arrio asserts her autonomy (w friend arrio), so rick picks a fight, arrio fights back, bada-bing-bada-boom, arrio gets detention on his birthday. plus we get more clues to his backstory, like the fact that he was in a gang. now we know why he was so concerned about jackie and quintin getting pulled into a gang; he knows what it’s like and feared they’d go down the same path he did.

sidenote, we also learn that rick has some sway in the school due to who his mom is. the principal says that while isn’t innocent, he’ll “call it even” and let him go without punishment so long as he doesn’t get his mom involved. which, scummy as heck. maybe we will meet his mom someday and get some proper rick lore, but for now i’m perfectly content hating him haha.

the heroes meanwhile sense an anomaly, and it’s coming from…the school?!

the mysterious person enters the detention room arrio is in. while there, they mention that “the star guardian is losing his touch if we are both here,” which makes me wonder a bit about the purpose of the star guardian. this character doesn’t appear to be a starstruck monster, but a person from another dimension. are star guardians meant to keep ANY interdimensional beings from crossing over into other ones? even non-harmful ones? do they enforce this dimensional segregation at any costs?

because if that’s the case, that DOES NOT bode well for what could have happened to arrio’s mom. did she flee here from her dimension for some reason, and once she was discovered by the previous star guardian, jupiter-man, nathan’s dad, daejung mun, did he banish her back to her home dimension (or KILL her)? separating her from her HUSBAND AND CHILDREN? this is realllly making my theory of jupiter-man hiding some skeletons in his cape look a lot more likely if that’s the case!

the episode ends with the mysterious person chasing arrio down the halls in an attempt to get the spellbook. we know the heroes will show up to save him, but their appearances will be cloaked due to their costume technology. will the twins choose to share their identities and truth with arrio before their relationship spirals further out of control? i hope so.

these chapters were really enjoyable, and i liked learning more about arrio’s backstory. the clues of it were spread out and we still don’t have the full picture, which is more interesting that just info-dumping all of it at once. this way it’s like putting puzzle pieces together. though i have to admit that i missed jackie, quintin, and nathan these past few episodes, because even though arrio is great and i’ve been itching to know more about him, it left the rest of the cast out-of-focus and i just really missed seeing more of them. that’s not a criticism of the story, though, because i think it was a good choice so we’d feel what arrio was feeling, about them not being there for him and leaving him feeling isolated from them. so bravo, author!

i’ll be getting back in the swing of posting my reviews weekly, so i won’t have to deal with writing three at once again, lol.