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nathank77 · 4 months ago

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8/10/24

9:48 a.m

I was not the anon but I saw an anon on someone else's profile. Some of what he said really stood out to me.

'Appealing to cis people only gets you so far youre still always, "one of the transgenders."'

I once convinced myself I was cis gendered. I mean I identify more with male than transguy. I usually select male on gender, male on gender identity and non disclosed on sex. I think internal transphobia is much to blame on that and fear of what people will think or do to you.

Over the last year I've embraced my trans identity much more than I had even at the beginning. I'm sorta out. I wouldn't want to come out to my new family if I get a girlfriend bc of what they would think about me..

Often people had made assumptions about me bc they knew I was trans, like," oh so that's why he doesn't know how to cook on a grill. " or, "oh so that's why he isn't handy." Or, "now that I know I can kinda see it."- that's the most disgusting one. The one that makes me not want to tell people.

I am both out and inside the closet all at the same time. I kinda like having one leg out of the closet and the rest of my body in the closet. Why?

My family and all my old friends and everyone I grew up with will always know my dead name and that I wasn't born male. And the more people I tell the more people who will look for reasons why it's obv I wasn't born Cis gendered besides for the obv like my scars.

Beyond that though referencing this anon, I know that having friends who don't know could result in me finding out after a significant time in a relationship to only find out that they are transphobic and very against my entire identity.

I found that out with an online gamer friend who I had spent countless hours playing with. I brought up trans people and how they aren't freaks, and he said, "well umm they kinda are."

I wasted years playing with that guy. Years..

Then I think about John and how he only called trans people,"they," even when their only pronoun was he or she, I made it a big deal bc he didn't know i was trans. And I almost cut him off over it.

They is only acceptable if they want to be called they... I came out to him under the radar. I didn't tell him but I posted on my fb about it. Before that he since resolved the they them issue but if he did it again I'd disappear on him.

When you pretend you're cis you find out a lot of people are fucking nasty and talk to you very differently when they think you're cis too. Their whole jiggle changes when they know you're trans too. And that is both good and bad. Bad cause you wonder when you're out, are people just placating you bc they don't want to disrespect you outright (are they talking behind your back, "oh I can tell bc his smile is feminine.") Bc that's the worst part about being out. People compare you and pick out all the reason you're not really a guy.

Or you live under the Rader and find out half the people who you're friends with that don't know are actually transphobic. It's happened to me a million times and it makes me feel like I wasted every minute with those people.

Being trans is both beautiful and really sad. It's beautiful bc you get to be authentically you and ascende much adversity to get there but sad for 2 reasons:

1) you don't get to have a past- no baby pictures, no childhood photos, you missed out on half your life pretending to be someone you're not to appease everyone around you. All your old things have your birth name scribbled on it and you feel disconnected from your past. You scowl at your old photos and the way you used to look.

2) the worse of it is chosing, should I be out and know that the majority of people are shitty and will always see me as half a man. Or should I live under the radar and be as authentically me as I can and find out that half the people i meet at least will speak candidly to me and reveal they are monsters and I have infact wasted years of my life thinking they were a good person?

It's a battle I've been dealing with for a long time. I lived under the radar for a long time. And saw the ugliness of people.

Then I outed myself and also see the ugliness of people.

What's more ugly? Idk. I think it's that people are shitty and most aren't worth knowing...

I also think that even with the kindest of individuals who are cis are still looking for, "oh wait now I can see he wasn't born male.".....It's disgusting how candid people will be with you when they don't know you're trans bc they assume even if you're liberal or trans friendly they aren't hurting you.

I actually think it's more disgusting and more demoralizing to know everyone is thinking, yea his smile is kinda feminine....

I haven't figured out the right way to live....I feel as though I am more true to myself being in the closet. Only cause then Nathan is the only person people care about. They don't go looking for remnants of someone else who never existed.

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tyonfs · 11 months ago

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how to cope after feeling like the dumbest bitch ever bcs i liked a guy, a great gentle sweet guy for 1 whole year. i held back bcs he’s having his big exam and consider approaching after his exam (we were close as he is the president and im the vice president of our local martial arts club)

only to know there’s another girl younger than us who i didn’t acknowledge her existence already made her move on him for almost a year too. (idc but i care that she talked shit behind me when i never know her)

what’s worse the girl and the guy know each other and he knows her feelings toward him and apparently my friend (who i rarely talked to now but knew i liked him) also knows that this girl likes the guy i like but never told me about it. i just thought if she had told me, i could’ve prevented myself from falling hard.

it’s just heartbreaking but i am trying to move on. it sucks everytime i see photos of us and the unsent letters that never reached him, the plans i had for him, the countless prayers.

i think they might’ve started talking to each other. besides i hate it when someone likes the person i like (it depends but in this case, i see myself battling a losing game if i try)

it really is amazing and sad when i used to look at him with so much adoration and love, now seeing the shadow of him makes me turn around and walk a different route to avoid him 😭😭

omg i'm sorry love :(( we've all been there, i feel like it's a monumental arc of character development 😭😭

honestly it does feel shitty when someone makes a move on the person you like but i hope you don't get into a cycle of wishing you had done smthn earlier !! dwelling on it does more harm than good tbh </3 BUT i will say it's pretty shady that she was talking shit about you?? does the guy know she did that too?

but just see how things go for now!! maybe it's just a matter of your time coming when it's meant to :')) things will definitely look up 🤍🤍 but hope you're holding up okay!

#asks #anon

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ophie-writes · 3 years ago

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hi!! saw request are open! do you think you could do promt #7 and #14 ( or 15, whichever the photogenic one is?) I thought of going to prom with Mark with these prompts, but do what you wish :))

Hey! This is my first request, and it's a little shorter than usual, (just above drabble length) but it's just what I needed to get the point across <3 I went with the prom idea, and I hope I wrote the parental dynamics ok?? I usually have a pretty hard time with that, but I left my comfort zone, so that's cool! Also kept it gender neutral.

Photogenic - Mark Hunter x GN Reader

Prompts: "My mother adores you"

"Wow, you're photogenic."

Fic type: Sappy fluff

Warnings: None that I can think of! (also unedited bc its 1:30 AM and I'm tired)

Words: 1.1K

You’d been waiting weeks for tonight. Hell, you and Mark hadn’t really even brought up prom even as it approached because it was already obvious you’d be going together. As much as he criticized big social events, and school functions, Mark had to admit that going to senior prom with you and both your friends would be a fun time.

It felt way more real when you’d been sitting at lunch with Mark and the girls and Janie was gushing about the dress she bought to Nora, who’d asked her to go not a week earlier. Midway through the conversation Mark looked at you and confirmed it.

“We’re doing that, right?” he asked.

“Of course!” you chuckled in response. Mark couldn’t stop a smile from taking over his face.

“Haven’t been to a high school dance yet, so I guess we’ll see how it goes.” Mark mumbled. Janie’s jaw dropped.

“Really?” the blonde gawked, looking at her girlfriend for another reaction.

“Not even back in New York?” Nora asked, a twinge of surprise in her voice.

“Nope. freshman year I just spent homecoming night at home with some friends.” Mark recalls, almost searching through a file cabinet of memories. “I was kinda in the process of moving sophomore year, and missed spring formal, and last year, Y/N and I ended up ditching homecoming altogether in favor of driving around, and spending a few hours at some diner.”

“That was fun.” You take Mark’s hand in yours and press a kiss to the back of it, remembering that night, and the ten mozzarella sticks you regrettably devoured in five minutes just to prove you could.

“I guess Prom’s the best way to start.” Janie shrugged. Nora laughs, getting up from the lunch table.

“Or the worst.” She passes you and Mark on her way out, messing up his hair and shooting you a wink in the process.

“Does Hubert Humphrey even put enough money towards stuff like this?” Mark asks Janie, genuinely curious about how this shitty school that can barely afford to give a damn about its art program could possibly financially back a decent prom.

“I mean, the school has the money. But the board doesn’t really use it where it matters. A ton of it goes into school functions like dances and massive pep rallies.” Janie would know. She had applied for leadership the year prior, and was rejected due to her B average. The bell rings, and that’s that.

And here you are. In front of your mirror in an outfit you’d picked out a year or two ago for some wedding or other that you still fit in. you hadn’t quite gotten your hair to cooperate the way you wanted it to, but you had to say, you cleaned up pretty well. You heard your doorbell ring.

“I’ll be down in a sec!” You yelled down to your parents. You threw any other necessities in a bag to take with you as you heard conversation, and laughter downstairs. You descended the staircase to find your parents and Mark sitting around the coffee table in the living room looking through an old photo book.

“And that one’s from a petting zoo at the county fair when Y/N was about four?” you heard your mother say. They hadn’t seen you yet, but you watched from behind them.

“Poor thing!” Mark laughs. You know exactly what photo they were talking about. You were sitting right next to a small goat at the petting zoo, and your parents had managed to capture the perfect photo right when it bleated, and you screamed in terror.

“Alright, I think that’s enough.” you spoke up. All eyes turned to you, and you were met with smiles. Your mother is the first one to talk.

“Sweetheart! You look amazing! Doesn’t Y/N look amazing?” Mark walks over to you, and looks you over in awe.

“Yeah… amazing.” he smiles before intertwining your hands, still staring at you, looking absolutely enamored.

“You good?” you giggle. Mark blinks, shaking his head before his eyes focus back on yours.

“Yeah! We’d uh...better get going, Nora’s parked out front.” Mark says. His hand goes to the back of his neck. A cute little nervous habit of his, especially when he’s around you.

“Not before we get a picture of you two lovebirds before you go.” your mom stops you. Your dad speaks up this time.

“I’ll get the camera.” your father briskly walks to the kitchen, and you meet your boyfriend's gaze again.

“You look pretty amazing yourself, Hunter.” he smirks and looks at the floor. Clearly flustered at the compliment. You’re right though. He looks great. He ditched his glasses for the night, and was wearing a red button down with a black tie and dress pants.

“Mark, honey, you’re sure you're not gonna need a jacket? It’s pretty cold out there.” Your mother asks.

“Oh, no thanks Ms. L/N, I’ll be ok.” Mark smiles, and puts his arm around your hip as your dad comes back, readying the camera for the picture. Your arm rests on Mark’s back, and you smile too as the camera flashes. The both of you go check out the picture.

“Wow, you’re photogenic.” Mark blushes.

“Thanks.” he says, unable to hold back the cutest smile. You check the time, and come to the conclusion that it’s time to go before Nora starts honking, and before your boyfriend gets any redder.

“Alright, we’re heading out now! See ya! if I’m not back by midnight, I’m at Mark’s!” Mark says goodbye to your parents, as you leave the house and close the door behind you. You and Mark instantly lock arms while walking to the car.

“My mother adores you” you laugh, and nudge Mark.

“Really? I was fuckin’ terrified. I just kinda nervously laughed my way through the whole interaction. And when I realized I was doing it, it just got worse.”

“You did great, my love.” you stop in front of the car, and bring your hand to the side of his face, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. “Now let’s go have some fun.”

And have fun, you do. Despite how cynical Mark thought he’d be, you both found yourselves having an amazing time. The music was pretty hit or miss, but you both danced regardless. Mark even managed some casual socializing as you introduced him to some of your other friends from previous years who you hadn’t really talked to since you stopped sharing classes. Prom was great, so was getting junk food when it was done, and so was getting back to Mark’s house and absolutely crashing, legs hurting, and body cold. Luckily you had each other, and some blankets to keep warm in his bed. Content to hold each other and rest easy.

#mark hunter x reader #pump up the volume #mark hunter #christian slater

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yikesharringrove · 4 years ago

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what's your saddest hc about stevie?

I have so many. Buckle up.

Um, there’s nothing really serious, everything is fairly vague so I don’t think I can think of any specific content warnings but it is angst so be careful. There’s like one mention of sex I think too.

Basically, I cannot see him without some mental health issues. Specifically anxiety and depression and ptsd.

I also have a fic that will probably never see the light of day where Steve has OCD and it kinda goes into how his compulsions begin to take more concrete form after the Upside Down and the actual monsters and how he begins to develop new routines and tics that go into all of that. It gets pretty spicy.

But here’s a smattering of others:

After talking with Nancy in the alley in season 2 in his gym class, he skips the rest of the school day and cries in his car.

His mother has forgotten his name three times. He chalks them up to her having a lil too much wine, but it still hurts.

At the beginning of working at Scoops, Robin fucking hated him on principle and he was really distant from her because he felt he deserved it for how he used to act in high school

Steve hates his own company bc he wears such a strong facade with everyone in his life when he’s alone he doesn’t even know how to act bc he doesn’t even know who he is

He realized he liked guys from a young age and spent a very long time hating himself for it

He made a case for himself to go to the local community college to do some general classes and find what he wants to study before re-applying to a four-year university, but his dad told him he’d rather have a deadbeat for a son than have Steve embarrass him like that

In third grade, Steve accidentally called his teacher “mom” enough times that she became genuinely concerned for his home life and tried to arrange a meeting with the principal

He lost his virginity to a senior girl when he was a freshman, and he tried to ask her on a date the next day and she laughed in his face and he tried to swear off relationships (until Nancy and we all know how that ended for him)

He sleeps with his blinds closed because the pool freaks him out, but he also sometimes gets a weird feeling like someone’s watching him and he doesn’t know if that’s from the idea of a demogorgon out there, or the idea that Jonathan took photos through his bedroom window

He didn’t tell Billy he loved him until Billy said it first because he was too scared that he felt more for Billy than he did for him. Which means that they were a solid two years into their relationship and fully living together before either of them had the courage to say it

At the end of season one when he’s sitting next to Ted Wheeler, he was waiting for his parents, whom the lab had called some hours ago, to come and pick him up. They never showed. When he got home he realized that his mother had answered the call, but they decided that their trip to Spain was more important and went to the airport as scheduled instead

He lashed out so hard in high school mostly as a cry for help and attention because he didn’t know how else to get those things other than being popular and a bully

Keith has made him almost cry at work at least once a week

He didn’t go to senior prom bc he felt like it would just be sad, only to find out at school the following Monday he had been voted prom king as a joke, and he felt kinda relieved he didn’t go bc then he avoided that humiliation

Claudia Henderson called him a good boy to his face once and he nearly had a breakdown over someone telling him something kind about himself

He once had an idea that the only reason he doesn’t get in trouble at school is bc his dad donates so much money to the shitty high school, so he tested his theory by not doing any homework for a month and even going as far as to graffiti some of the lockers, and all that happened was one (1) meeting where the principal told him “I don’t want to have to call your parents” and nothing else. Steve knew if he failed his dad would blame him, but the schoolboard was worried that if Steve failed his dad would blame the school and pull out his donations and funding. Sometimes Steve thinks that’s the only reason he graduated

He once asked Nancy not to call him an idiot, because even if she meant it endearingly, it still hurt his feelings and she told him not to be so sensitive and he never brought it up again

Once Hopper arrested him and Tommy for being minors and drunk in public and held them overnight. Tommy’s parents came as soon as they could to sign him out and take care of the protocol I’m too lazy to look up but am sure exists, and Steve’s parents didn’t show for two days and Hop felt so bad for the kid he just let him off with a warning, throwing away all the paperwork. So technically, Steve has a clean record

He absolutely self medicates you cannot change my mind

Having dinner with the Wheelers was the first time he felt a proper family dinner, where you all talk about your day and bicker a lil bit. First time he had dinner with the Byers it was even more overwhelming because that’s how it feels to be a part of a real proper family

His favorite class he’s ever taken was woodshop. He’s actually really good at building things and figuring out how to bring an idea to life like that and visualizing how dimensions and pieces fit together. It’s the only class he’s gotten an A in but his dad told him manual labor is unnecessary and other stupid shit and wouldn’t let Steve sign up for the next level of the class

That’s all for now because this got LOOOOONG, but yeah. I bit of Steve angst for your troubles.

#steve harrington #harringrove #yikes writes #yikes headcanons #zest of lemon #there's one SUPER vague mention of steve losing his virginity but that's literally the whole sentence

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zhuilingyizhen · 4 years ago

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Since you want cute juniors, how about Juniors enjoying a free snow day or summer day?

Let’s do summer!

Jingyi mopes the whole time about how hot it is the whole time. Sizhui does not know what weather is and it doesn’t hurt him. A Ling is slowly dying from the heat.

Zizhen is somehow not tired and tells the others to stop moping because he wants to go out and do something!

They probably argue about it for a while before Sizhui tells them to shut up and put the names in a hat.

Someone (cough it was zizhen cough) suggested they go to the zoo bc he wants to see animals

Ljy is down, jl groans and has to be dragged there, and lsz is the one who gets lunch and water and sunscreen, a yi! it’s good for you!

Zizhen is sparkly eyed and super excited the whole time. #OuyangZizhenAppreciationSquad

They’re all whipped for him.

The second they arrive, jingyi points at a peacock and points at jin ling. “I’ve connected the dots.”

“You didn’t connect SHIT.”

Zizhen coos over every animal in the zoo, bc he LOVES animals.

They split up midway because Sizhui wants to stay at the bunny exhibit for a good half hour. Jin Ling stays with him, not bc he likes the bunnies (tho they are cute), but because he is staring holes at the groundhogs the next exhibit over.

Jingyi and Zizhen run around the whole zoo in about an hour.

Zizhen’s favorite was the turtle exhibit, and Jingyi almost died when they saw a kangaroo.

They did have a meet point planned, but ljy and oyzz may or may not have gotten distracted by the mini-aquarium and forgot to shown up.

Meanwhile Jin Ling and Sizhui are frantically searching for the other two in the indoor bird area.

JL is convinced that they accidentally joined a cult again and Sizhui is worried because they probably forgot to reapply sunscreen!! Plus, Jingyi never stays off his phone for more than an hour!!

Dw, they’re just trying to pet the alligators!

They finally find each other again in the reptile section, and Sizhui lightly scolds Zizhen and Jingyi while a Ling smiles at their pain.

The last places that they haven’t been to are the area for cats and the giraffes. Zizhen laughs at Jingyi’s shortness for five minutes straight.

A Ling doesn’t like big cats (like tigers, lions) for some reason. The Lans once again wonder if he’s secretly a furry while Zizhen coos at the tiger cubs.

The Aftermath: Sizhui is once again emotionally drained, Jingyi is tired out by the zoo, and flops into bed as soon as they get home, Jin Ling goes back to internally gay monologuing and questioning his life choices, while Zizhen posts all the shitty photos he took of them onto Instagram.

yes this was kinda a crack post what else do you expect of me it’s 1 AM

#mdzs juniors #lan jingyi #jin ling #lan sizhui #ouyang zizhen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs hcs #the untamed #cql #animeluver1798 #ask #addy answers asks #junior quartet #zoo #crack post #me. im the crack.

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mocweepe · 3 years ago

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tagges by @irlteddycore , tyy💚💚💚‼

1. why did you choose your url?

i am autistic n i used 2 say i was autisming (positive connotation) when i was infodumping, stimming, n jus otherwise displaying common autistic behaviors. it soumded cool n being autistic iz fucking obviously an important part of my identoty so i said. fuck it!

2. any side blogs?

SO many, like 16ish? not gonna list em all but some are:

@qpeople - current events, history, mutual aid, etc.

@bahavah - lovecore blog

@tomurasheart - BNHA

@foresightwithglasses - (‼inaccessible‼) posts i tink could be helpful 4 my future self, nonmutuals do not follow!

and dis blog iz a sideblog!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

ER... since 6th grade sooo... 6 years????? dis accs coming up 2 only 2 years old doh, iz my second.

4. do you have a queue tag?

i don tink i do. ive already 4gotten.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

last acc felt too cluttered, i wanted a bajillion sideblogs 2 organize stuff. dis blog specifically was og a trendercore sb, but it was when da aes jus started n dere wasn a lot of content so it quickly jus became a "me" space (since my mains aes)

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

my icon was a black n white photo of a goth 4 a long time n i jus decided 2 stick w da theme when i change it bc of cross imagery

7. why did you choose your header?

i was spamton themed 4 octoberish n i haven bothered changing it yet. besides i still like da lil guy :]

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Probably da villain4villain 1 -_-

9. how many mutuals do you have?

an Amount 4 sure. uh if i had 2 guess probably over 10 but less dan 20.

10. how many followers do you have?

none T_T /j

11. how many people do you follow?

241

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yeap

13. how often do you use tumblr every day?

O_O

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

once. some1 was being a dipshit on a friends post n i argued w dem. dey jus kept saying sum dumb shit till dey blocked me

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

da exact phrase "u need 2 rb dis" izn too bad depending in context but almost ne other related phrase iz so shitty. when folks say shit like "weird how no1s talking abt xyz when we were talking abt abc jus a month ago ://" and ESP "i see u not rbbing dis" make me go rabid like i will kill u.

da first iz usually some1 comparing tragedies or injustices like..... which iz jus a total slap in da face 2 da victims of da event deyre putting down, and da 2nd iz noting more dan a blatant lie dat can send ppl into paranoia!!!!!!!! like UGH dey infuriate me sm. jus make ur post w/o literally causing harm. it cannot be dat damn hard.

16. do you like tag games?

yes!!!! deyre always either questionares (LOVE talking abt myself) or picrews, both of which r usually fun. i don do all of dem (sum picrews rnt suited well 4 me or da post iz innaccessible so i jus don interact w it, and sum questionnaires jus require more effort dan i wana put in. esp shuffle song 1s cuz i can only do sm dere.)

only ting iz, i don generally tag ppl. i don like it, it makes me anxious LOL. but if ne1 Does like being tagged in dese games den let me know 👀👀 ill write ur url down n tag u from now on💚💚💚‼‼‼

17. do you like ask games?

YES 100% i love when ppl send me asks n stuff :]

18. which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

kurt and soda i know r sort of. i have several others who've made a few popular posts, so dey might be but idk lol i don like. give a shit yk

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

neope. a few friend 1s (as in mutuals i wana be friends w) but i don have da energy needed 4 da effort 2 make new friends rn :( hopefully soon!!!!!!

if ne1 wants 2 participate, consider urself tagged!

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floralkittygambler · 4 years ago

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Am I Tripping Or Is Helluva Boss Also Stereotypical? (Bit of a rant sorry, wasnt impressed :< )

Name is Cleatus with a ‘hill billy’ (sorry, idk if that’s seen as an offensive term? I think red neck is offensive so Im going for what feels safer but idk help me out-) accent. (Honestly the voice is so unfitting it feels like a parody-). HB seems to love the Southern accent (nothing wrong w the accent but the portrayals... Ehhhhh...) Considering everyone gets their own VA to sound unique, the female sheep sounds like we’ve heard her voice in all of Viv’s works before. It’s a pretty voice! But just... Save money and VAs are versatile to play various roles in one series- This really caps their full potential. Horse imagery everywhere. Lets be honest, Blitz liking horses and his IG pet ended up being the SH logo, it’s really awkward self praise- I hate to say it but it does make me cringe a little... The sciency villians designs. Just... Awful and out of place- Seems like a try hard attempt at a parody. Forced. Misses the mark. Also got Villainous vibes too, like that Dementia (sorry forgot her name but lizard hoodie girl!) lady. She suits her world at least and carries her humour a bit better. The warning is again immature (its an adult cartoon yet I - an adult - feel more like a teen when they cant trust their audience to understand ‘sexual references/scenes’ and opt for ‘horny’. Also no suicide warnings bc dayum even censored it was graphic - and Im a fuckin horror simp! Plus - even accidental - it’s a sensitive topic you need to be careful with. Again, just feels like childish attempts to make ‘funny edgy humour’. Dark humour is an artform most think they have yet lack. Removal of Tilla. The most unique designed and actually interesting looking imp. Gone. And with the poster originally showing all three earlier it just shows lack of consistency when S2 is scripted therefore there should be consistency now. Blitz going back to the silent o. CAN WE PLEASE JUST LEARN THE CORRECT FUCKIN NAME! I struggle with pronunciations as it is ;; Moxxie abuse for no reason that isnt actually funny needs a counter. Does anyone else find some of the animation in HB a little robotic/delayed/jarring sometimes? Idk... Just doesnt feel as fluid or smooth anymore - ESPECIALLY for actual movement (like walking. They look and feel so rigid..) Tour bus appears and disappears a lot. Free stock photo of money for a trillionaire is pretty chuckle worthy! But immediately ruined by suicide prompting. No warning for animal mauling if anyone needed it (Honestly they could have done that joke way better like how it’s done in Madagascar, which this scene reminded me of) Pro: Cat suits (minus Blitz’s, sorry. It wasnt cute) Idk how I felt about the cuties ref tbh. Imma sound fuckin paranoid as hell but Im pretty sure Netflix declined Hazbin according to the timeline and tweets. Agreed, cuties was fucked up and why they accepted it idk but this felt less calling out nonces and more of a petty jab at Netflix. Again, personal opinion but still. More suicide prompting. Also kinda weird Blitz is asking teens in cars whether theyd fuck an old guy... Right after using pedophilia to upset him. The opera was empty then suddenly full. Also Im getting Phantom of the Opera vibes but... Less classy of an homage- Sorry. Im not normally into musicals but that is a brilliant one! Ok I sorta like the glimpse of Heaven being just as bad as hell but it feels messy. Good point, they’re hypocrites. However the easy to anger seems more like the sin of wrath- which doesnt make sense for a Heavenborne. The swearing... Look, Im always fuckin effin and jeffin but couldnt they just for ONCE think of some more articulate way for the characters to express themselves? At this point, it feels like 50 shades of a single oc. It’s nice to see Millie and Mox be affectionate but that kiss was definitely a gross factor and what teens joke about kissing being like. Pro: Cat Mox and Mil. Again. I love cats. Though seeing Millie never help when he’s hurt yet him always coming to help her gives me Chaggie vibes. How is Opera lady still singing when shes dead? Another horse ref shown by unicorn. Old man you could literally de-age yourself in the machine you stupid motherfucker (I miss cowbelly) Ok seeing the old man in diapers and hearing some creepy shit recently about diaper kinks was yikes. Also Cherubs, yall coulda helped him with that piano. Love the pianists class though. Again good to show the hypocrisy of Heaven yet it feels really... 1 dimentional? Also didnt Viv say in a recent stream Heaven was going to be alien and futuristic? And yet its... Just cliche lambs and cherubs with a doe and some bees? The same futuristic heaven she criticised another creator for- Im sure Wally’s only back bc he got so much fan simping tbh, similar to how Pent was supposed to be a one off and Travis is a minor character. Overall the humour really didnt hit (and I LOVE shitty puns-), it felt mediocre at best BUT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT Can we give credit that FU-CKING FINALLY we had 1 - ONE - UNO - SINGULAR plot that actually fucking flowed, made sense (sorta), wasnt just messily patchworked plot pieces together and actually flowed like an episode? Still that should be bare minimal that it feels almost dirty to give credit for. Likewise, I felt *stupid* watching. Like they think the audience is so stupid they have to explain everything to them. Basically a kids show if blood and swears slipped in. Weirdly, this was the weakest episode as well as the strongest plotwise. Halfway through S1, this is... I laughed once, which was even less than last time. It just feels like watching someone with talent piss it all away for their 15 minutes instead of building a more solid foundation thatll last far longer. Likewise, it almost felt like anti-heaven propoganda in a way rather than ‘both sides wack’ and like heaven is an after thought. I didnt really feel the passion. Yes the other episodes need a LOT of work to be professional studio quality but at least you could feel a soul, a passion. This felt filler. There was no development or anything. Like you could skip it and still understand (well ‘understand’ considering the usual storytelling). Like Ep 1 had a flowing, linear plot (look Viv and SH have shown they arent capable at branching and juggling multiple plots efficiently) and everything sorta feels downhill from there for me... Also for a cat owner it feels Vivs only seen persians and tuxedo cats. (Id also like to personally add - AND IM SORRY - that how husk-like Mox’s felt, idk whether it was a subtle shitty HD ref or just lack of creativity for cats. Also the tux cat with ‘buttons’ and bowtie needs some variation and spice FAST) Again, its a shame Viv/SH dont open themselves up for genuine critique as itll bit their ass sooner or later. Been there, done that, never a-fuckin-gain.

#helluva boss critical #helluva critical #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel critical #vivziepop critical #loved the cats though!

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years ago

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I've been feeling really detached from reality lately and the only thing I'm doing consistently everyday is going through fics and tumblr. I'm 17 and have to start uni applications soon but I'm too demotivated :( Do you think I'm wasting my life? Bcs my parents surely think so, and I want nothing more than to hide in my blankets and never come out again. I feel very unproductive and I need to get my life together and actually do something other than sleep, read and write. (1)

I just got into Sherlock recently and I'm totally obsessed with it, almost a year ago I was as obsessed with BTS (kpop band) to the point Mom had me talking to the counsellor to find a solution for my obsession. When I left the BTS fandom Mom was happy that I'm finally getting my life back on track and focusing on school, but here I am doing it all over again with Sherlock. I don't want to do this, but I feel like Sherlock is the only escape I have from reality now.I have to be an adult soon (2)

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

The short answer to your question: No, you’re not wasting your life.

Here’s my anecdotal long answer:

It’s easy to feel disillusioned at 17, especially if you’re expected to do one thing or another. Now, I can’t speak to your situation because my parents were supportive of my decisions and fandom life, so I never really had that problem. Which is where I’m going to start: Your mum has issues of her own, it seems, and may be projecting a bit onto you... Some obsessions absolutely need counselling, but I doubt you were at the level of stalking and creeping and gatekeeping the fandom. I imagine you were collecting photos and sharing music and videos with your friends. Jesus your mum would have an aneurysm if she met me then – I’m nearing 40, and my apt is full of Funkos, movies, photos, magazines, collectable figurines, and in my off hours I draw fanart, play video games, and maintain a fairly-popular fandom blog. BUT I can see her side of things – she just wants you to get a career and be able to fend for yourself – but, in my opinion, stifling the things you enjoy REALLY makes for a shitty adult life. It’s no wonder you’re unmotivated – you’ve nothing to look forward to except studying and nothing else.

Here’s my anecdotal story: I didn’t start college until I was 22. I got rejected from all the colleges and universities I applied to at 18, and naturally that blew the wind out of my sails. I wanted to be an animator. I worked my ass off to get into courses, and I didn’t. My self esteem was in the shitter after that, the guidance counsellor assigned to me at school basically said “oh well, LOL” and I was lost. It SUCKS. My parents were still supportive of me, and told me to at least get a job, because they didn’t want me to sit around doing nothing. So I did. I worked for two years in retail, and I hated it. But it kept me busy and I was allowed to enjoy my life at that time. And, in my own time, mostly motivated by my family moving, I decided I was ready to apply to school again, because those two years I worked at IFuckingHateWalMart, gave me some money for school and a desire to never work retail again. And guess what? It’s a LOT fucking easier to get into school as a “Mature Student” (in Ontario, if you’re over 19, they consider you a mature student), because they know you’re serious about school and they just want your money.

I applied to 5 different arts-related programs, 3 of them Graphic Design, one Fine Arts, and I think the other was Art History. I got accepted to all 5 programs. I chose the different career path because I actually took time to research, and decided that since I wasn’t up to snuff as an animator (and the program I wanted to try again for wasn’t there anymore), I’m REALLY GOOD with computers, so let’s try this design thing. I love it.

Anyway, the point to this story, Lovely, is that perhaps you also are someone, like me, who just needs a break to figure out what you want to do with your life. I don’t regret taking a couple years before going back to school. And that may be what you and your mum need to discuss.

So, to summarize in said discussion:

You need to be firm with your mum that stifling things that make you happy makes you feel unmotivated to move forward in your life. You don’t intend on not furthering your education, you just need a mental break and Sherlock and BTS makes you WHO you are, and makes you happy.

You need some time to decide what you want to do with your future. I really REALLY hate this culture of schools forcing you to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life even before you’re legally allowed to drink in most places. It’s so terribly horrible. The pressure I had to apply during high school was so terrible, that teachers made you feel like a failure when you graduated and had no college path set. It’s awful. I’m telling you, taking the couple years (it was only going to be a year but I wasn’t ready after a year) to reflect on my future and to decide what I wanted to do next was the best decision I made. Do you know how GOOD it felt to have all 5 colleges accept me after being rejected two years prior? It felt GOOD to send rejection letters to people wanting to have my money, LOL. AND I feel like I succeeded, because I was able to see the job market and figure out what career path would be sustainable for me in the arts field. GC is still a cut-throat field and I’m still not respected despite nearly 20 years later, but that’s my own fault for being stagnant in never leaving the newspaper (also, never work at a newspaper).

Fandom and Real Life can co-exist, provided you don’t let fandom rule everything. Your mum is lying to you if she tells you that she wasn’t / isn’t a fan of things, so ask her what music or movies make her happy. It’s the simplest form of fandom, but there you go.

That all said, Nonny, don’t give up, and it’s okay to feel unmotivated during All This™. I can’t even imagine what the point would be to apply for school in September if no one is even going to be in a classroom environment, erf. And if you need an excuse to hold off, there you go, tell your mum that you want to have a think about what career you want to pursue, AND you would rather it be in a classroom environment anyway, because you need that “study environment” to stay focussed on your studies, and not at home where the “distracting terrible fandom stuff” is, hah.

And finally: Being an adult isn’t all that bad. I can buy whatever fandom-related fuck I want and no one can stop me. I do what I want, when I want. I watch youtube, blog, play video games, travel, draw, and buy toys all because it makes me happy. And yeah, I have the boring adult stuff like taxes and groceries and rent and a job and debt, but if you can get all that stuff organized and sorted early in your life like I did (I have a set amount of money set aside a month for all the above from the job), then you can figure out what you can do that’s fun based on what’s left from the boring stuff.

TL;DR of all this: Talk to Mum, take some time, and enjoy life.

I hope this has helped you somewhat, Nonny. I know I tend to ramble a lot, but I do genuinely think that you just need time, and some understanding from your mum. You’ll feel a lot better about moving forward if you have those things, I think.

Love you Nonny, and I hope you’re alright <3

#steph replies #my advice #life advice #about me #chatting with nonnies #growing up #Anonymous

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inctlife · 5 years ago

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when wayv know they wanted to marry you

kun:

so,,, things had been kinda rough for kun :( like he was practising 24/7 and he was also on a pretty strict diet so he was just physically and mentally EXHAUSTED and like there’d just been a really tiring day at practise and all the boys started to go home, but kun was like ‘nah i’m gonna stay’

ANd tHen after like 4 hours (it was late at this point,, like almost midnight??) and he came home and there was just an overwhelming smell of delicious food and he could hear the boys laughing and talking lovingly and when he walked in he saw that you had made dinner for the members and now were talking about their day while you stroked xiaojun’s hair to help him sleep and kun almost started crying

like where tf else would he find someone that loves him AND cares for his members THIS MUCH dude

and that night you left after having lots of kisses from ur bf and kun brought it up to the boys and they were all cheering and were just so supportive :(

ten:

sO,, ten and winwin were doing this new extravagant dance like they do and they were adding So Many New Parts to Impress The Fans but !!! dundun!! while doing a funky jump turn thing ten fell and landed STRAIGHT on his injured knee

he was in AGONY,, like screaming and tears AGONY and winwin calls an ambulance and then calls you because he doesnt know what else to do lol and you’re like ‘wHAT’ because that’s ur baby and he’s in AGONY

so you get the hospital and you see ten waiting with winwin and he’s in a wheelchair bent over and clutching his knee and when he sees you he almost cries and is like ‘my love!!! help!!!’ and you just walk over and slap him round the head

winwin is shook tbh,, like proper :O,, but ten just starts laughing and his heart swells as you start pouring out complaints and nagging him about his safety bc he knew he’s been injured before!! what makes him think it wouldnt happen this time!! and he just smiles and thinks ‘i have to marry this person’

winwin:

so y’all were invited to kun’s wedding (ofc?) and you had been invited to be kun’s wife’s bridesmaid!!! you and ten’s and lucas’s girlfriends!! and so, you and winwin (after eating breakfast together) didnt see each other for the whole morning as you were rushed off to kun’s wife’s room to get ready and the boys stayed with kun

and you had your hair and makeup done and you got into your bridesmaids dress and you were a bit pouty because ??look how fucking beautiful the rest of these girls are???? and you wanted to get married and wear a vale!!!!

finaLLY it came time for kun’s wife to walk down the aisle, and you were walking with lucas’s girlfriend behind the bride and while kun had his moment,, so did winwin.

his jaw just dropped, but you didn’t even notice because you were giggling (and tearing up) at kun’s reaction to his wife but what you didnt even know!! ur fucking boyfriend was sat there wiping subtle tears away because he KNOWS now, he’s gonna marry you.

lucas:

sO. your boy. the visual KING that he is. was invited to another one of these foreign fashion events and he was like ‘alright ig🤪🤪’ and you went with him cause they were offering him a +1 and free holiday?? yes please???? but what you Did Not sign up for was being at lucas’s hip through all these events????????????

so NeWay, yeah you had to do that. and lucas was pretty nervous because he will just never get over the shock of being invited to something big like this, but this time he was just slightly less nervous because ur by his side🥺

but. in true xuxi/yukhei/lucas fashion. he does something a lil embarrassing :(,, and as he slowly starts to realise what’s just happened (you being on exactly the same wavelength) he gets a lil red in the face and you just thunk ‘fuck it’ and do the same thing so he is nOT ALONE. it’s US. in this shit for the RIDE OR DIE.

and lucas is shocked but as the two of you start giggling literally everyone else in the room disappears and he just thinks ‘i can’t wait to marry her’🥺

xiaojun:

sO,, you and dejun had been together for a WHILE, like i mean a full hot minute,, but he’d always been kinda secretive about his family?? like you’d met them several times but both they and dejun never told you anything much about them??? and you just kinda let it slide cause there was obviously smth that he didnt want you knowing and you werent about to poke

and THEN,, one day,, you’re in dejun’s hometown and he’s like ‘get dressed nice and pretty! going to a concert’ and you’re like ‘WOOO!! LETS GO’ and you get dressed up and you and xiaojun walk to this kinda small venue and get drinks and shit and xiaojun’s looking kinda nervous?? so ur like ‘babe its okay,, i’m sure i’ll enjoy it’

and then!! the person comes on stage and you realise it’s a drag act,, very entertaining!! and then, after looking closer,, you realised it was dejun’s dad, as in,, the one you’ve had dinner with MULTIPLE TIMES and you just turned to ur boyfriend and were like ‘your dad!!!!!!’ and he smiled because you looked so excited!!!!

and dejun almost cried because you were so supportive and that was the one thing for him bc if you didnt support his dad’s career than this would not have worked and for him this was like something in his heart just going ‘she’s the one!!’

hendery:

so similar to xiaojun,, for hendery family was really important!! not that he was hiding anything about them? but you’d only met his family a couple of times and never all together, so when kunhang invited you to come to his mum’s birthday where EVERYONE was gonna be there,,, you were highkey nervous

but so was he lmao he aint gonna lie.. so!! you two flew out to macau a couple days before her birthday so you could settled and the first thing that happened was his sisters wanted to take you guys out for dinner!!! and you went to quite a posh restaurant,, cause that’s the kinda family they are😎 so you were kinda bricking it,, but at the same time the food was GOOD and kunhang’s hand stayed on your knee the WHOLE time

not that he needed that though because his sisters LOVED YOU like he literally got pushed to hang out with his sisters’ boyfriends bc you and his sisters were all gossiping so much and then when you finished your meal you went and had a little photoshoot under the moon and the pretty city lights and later that night as you were asleep next to him,, kunhang looked back over the photos and was just like “wow. my love”

and that was IT he decided RIGHT THERE to marry you.

yangyang:

so you and yangyang had recently moved in with each other,, him finally being the last one to move out the shitty dorm,, and so this was only around the 2nd week that he was coming home from practise to you and your dog and your two cats!!!

when he walked through the door, your dog, finneas, ran up to yangyang and was all happy like dogs are and yangyang was happy too!! and he could smell the dinner that was ready but you weren’t in the living room like you normally were and instead,, yangyang heard your proper, real, ugly laugh coming from the bedroom and he ran over and was like ‘i am home!!!’

and you were laying on the bed, practically in tears and he was like ‘what’s so funny😂😂’ cause he’s like that. and you were like ROLLING AROUND but when yangyang got over to you,, it was a tiktok of someone reacting to a comment that said ‘hi peepeehead’ but you know? he had to laugh because that shit was making you SCREAM and that alone was funny to him

and he just couldnt help but wonder how much more joy you’d bring him,, and he was not about to be left with any regrets😤,, took his boys and bought himself a ring the next week

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totallypathet · 4 years ago

Text

Episode 1

Drag Race is back, and so is the Pathet Commentary that noone asked for baby!

Since the UK has just gone into Lockdown #3, I am super glad there's a new series of Drag Race to keep me entertained every week - so you guys better be prepared for these ridiculously long posts, bc I got nothing else on 😂

So first of all let's talk about the format. I do not understand why this show is so obsessed with ~twists~ and ☆turns☆ and making everything a 💫gag💫. Like, nothing was wrong with the usual format? There was no need for this weird staggered introduction/lipsync thing. They kept flicking between introductions to lipsyncs, so it felt like you were always at the beginning of the episode. Very weird. And we all obviously knew that they weren't going to send half the people home on the first episode, so it just felt stupid to have this "lipsync for your LYFE" every 2 seconds. It feels insulting - if you're going to predicate an episode on half the people going home right away, the audience just feels cheated when actually noone goes home and everything we just watched is academic.

It didn't have to be that way either, they could have done all the introductions, had the whole cast do the "walk in" and have their little moment & one-liner; then put them into groups to lipsync? And whatever it is they're going to do with the Pork Chop group, they could have just said? Like "this year the first challenge is in teams, and to decide the teams we're going to have a series of lipsyncs". I have no idea if that's actually what they're doing, but it wouldn't feel as insulting as what actually happened. And then you can still have the "twist" where the teams aren't even and you have to send someone home. I wouldnt have minded that so much. I actually really like the concept of seeing them all lipsync in episode 1! It sets up the season, you can see who's going to be the lipsync assassin, you can see what kind of performer everyone is... I think its a really cool challenge for the first episode! Just the way they went about it was shitty.

The other thing is it was really clear that none of those queens knew they were gonna have to lipsync in their entrance looks, which feels unfair. At least let them prepare properly!

I also really missed the photo shoot mini challenge! Like, i know that it's harder to do that inline with covid restrictions, but I feel like there are still ways. They could have done an outside photoshoot, the photographer would not have had to be near any of the cast or crew... I just missed it.

Anyway, onto the breakdown!

1. Denali

I looooooooooved Denali's entrance look! It was so perfect. I have no idea how she was just casually walking on those skates though?! They looked like real skates, but they can't have been, right? Also, I am such a slut for like, people with super long plaits, and when they twirl the plait wraps around their body! I love it so much. The only teeny little critique I have, and I'm being super nit-picky here, is i think her contour is just a tiny bit too dark, or maybe not blended out super well? Such a nit pick, but the rest of her makeup seemed like beauty makeup, and it was done really nicely, so the contour really stood out to me.

It was also really obvious that that look was not a lipsyncing look. Which is such a shame, because I think she's a really good lipsyncer, I liked her lipsync, but I think it was a little bit hampered by what she was wearing. Its just really unfair that they didn't tell them to be prepared to lipsync in their entrance looks.

Overall though, I like Denali, I think she's great.

2. Elliott with 2 Ts

I really liked Elliott's entrance look, I thought it was a really cool 80s mom look, I liked it! I do think it was a shame that she was standing on stage in between Tina Burner and Kahmora Hall though - there was an all out campy costume on one side, an all out glamour beauty pageant look on the other, and poor Elliott did look a little over shadowed in the middle.

Unfortunately I think she was also middle of the road in the lipsync. Tina Burner is such a powerhouse that I think the other two were always going to look a little lacklustre next to her; but I think not being able to prepare properly can't have helped either! I could go either way on Elliott, I feel like I haven’t seen enough to make up my mind yet.

3. Gottmik

I really honestly thought they were called "GottMilk", which I thought was cute and fun, and I was almost disappointed when I realised I'd read it wrong and it was Gottmik. C'est la vie.

I loved Gottmik's entrance look - the makeup was stunning, the outfit was everything, I really enjoyed it! I'm really looking forward to what looks their going to pull out, especially makeup looks! I do think they're very young, and didn't seem all that confident in front of the judges; which I really hope changes! I think they're going to be amazing, I just think they need to recognise how amazing they are and own it. I also really liked their lipsync! I was finding it really hard to call between them and Utica, they both did great!

I'm also super excited to see a trans man on the show, we love inclusive drag! Hopefully this is a step towards the show being less transphobic. I'm going to be really interested to hear what Gottmik has to say about their experience on the show - particularly in a few years when they're no longer under contract with RuPaul.

Really excited by Gottmik, can't wait to see what they bring!

4. Joey Jay

I'm not convinced by Joey Jay just yet. I didnt buy everything she was selling this week. I don't know why, I just feel a bit...underwhelmed, maybe? I liked her confessionals, she seems quite funny, and self aware, which I love, I'm just not sure about her yet. I hated her entrance look, which probably didn't help 😂 the chicken feathers didn't bother me, I kind of love a big feather sleeve, and I'm all about being cheap - I do wish it hadn't been moulting though, like baby make sure your shit is glued down before you walk on! There was also something about the wig I didn't like, I think she was going for a wet look with the hair, but it just felt a bit flat. I feel like it didn't go far enough to be proper wet-look, so it just was a bit lifeless. And the bodysuit was cut super weird in the crotch area. It just felt like everything was a little bit off; and I just think for your first look, first impression, making an entrance; it was lacklustre. It's a shame.

The lipsync was okay. Again, I wish they'd been told that they were lipsyncing right off the bat, in their entrance looks, so they just were ready and prepared. Watching Joey Jay's lipsync felt a lot like she was just pulling out her "usual" moves, it didn't feel like she was in the moment. I think a lot of that can be put down to just being surprised and not totally ready? Again, it feels unfair.

I think Joey could be really great, and I do want to see her progress in the competition and see what else she has, I just feel like she didn't get to show her best this week, and I think that's a shame.

5. Kahmora Hall

Kahmora is beautiful. Her face, her body, the big hair, the Mackey dress... stunning. I literally couldn't listen to anything that was said while the camera was on her, I was so distracted by how beautiful she is 😂

I was a little disappointed with her lipsync though, it felt like she wasn't really there, she wasn't really in it? And there were a couple of moments where I think she dropped words. She just didn't seem super sure of herself, which is such a shame, because she walked in with confidence, she stood on that stage radiating star power, and then the lipsync came and she just faded. I really hope that it was just because she wasn't ready, and I really hope we see her kill it next week!

6. Kandy Muse

I can see exactly why her and Aja are friends 👌 I love that she's a big personality, and I think she could be the confessionals queen this season. I kind of love that she shaded Aja as well, because it didn't really feel like proper shade, it just felt like a sort of sibling rivalry, and I thought it was funny! I like her so far. I feel like she's the friend who's very over-excitable, and can be a little annoying, but 1000% has the biggest heart in the group and will always have your back. I relate to her 😂

I loved her entrance look! Any bedazzled and sparkling denim, I am here for it. The dress was gorgeous, I love the tie waist detail that made it look like a shirt tied around her waist, I loved the pearls on the boobs, the denim arm warmers! Everything. I loved it. The denim boom box? Iconic. As soon as she walked in, I got it. I got that she was New York, I saw a little Haus of Aja, I got the edgy beauty thing, I just loved it the second I saw it. The only shame of it is that, because they obviously weren't told they'd have to lipsync in these looks, she kept pulling it up during the lipsync. But thats production's fault, Kandy can do no wrong for me right now 😂

7. Lala Ri

Okay, hear me out. I love her. Her entrance look is the worst one I've seen for at least a few seasons. I hated it so much! And its such a shame, because she's obviously gorgeous, and an incredible performer, and funny, and all these other things, but girl the look was ugly.

I liked the high neck/faux mask thing, I thought that was cute. But it was just a weird look. There was so much fabric at the top of her body, and nothing underneath? And then to have fully bare legs with an ankle boot? No! It was just all wrong. Maybe it would have worked if the roll neck (I assume bodysuit, just for convenience) had been really sheer mesh, so there was a really clear distinction between those layers. And I wish she'd worn pumps instead of ankle boots.

But her performance was one of the best of the week. I loved it, I love how much she just threw herself into it, gave it everything, I loved it. Very much looking forward to seeing other looks from her though!

8. Olivia Lux

What a beautiful smile! Such a gorgeous face. I love love looooved her look, I love a two tone moment! Especially with the gloves - I just wish she'd done the shoes too! I loved it. I also love that it was two pieces, and that she was able to take of that long skirt in the lipsync, and give herself maximum movement! It was a really smart choice.

I also think her lipsync was great! I love that she gave me a little bit of everything; we had a bit of story-telling, a little comedy, a little camp, it was a whole lot of fun! I couldn't take my eyes off her, she was just sparkling.

I'm a little bit in love with Olivia, I think she's gonna be one to watch this year!

9. Rosé

I feel like I might be being unfair on Rosé, but I dont like her very much just yet. Her confidence was just bordering on arrogance to me, and I felt a lot like she was looking down on Olivia Lux for being a less experienced queen? And the look on her face when she "lost" the lipsync was like she was thinking "how could I lose to her", which I just didn't like at all. Idk, I probably am being really unfair, and a lot of it could be the edit, she just seems a little too cocky for me. And I also feel like, how are you gonna be super cocky like that when you've walked in in the most basic look. I don't know, I'm not buying it yet.

Her lipsync was good, but it just felt a little bit too serious, she wasn't having as much fun with it as Olivia.

10. Symone

I love that Symone came in in a dress made of Polaroids. I love it. I love unconventional materials, I love the confidence, I love that she literally came in going "this is me". And the way it was constructed as well, so it had the little flare on the bottom that moved when she twirled? Perfect. Also I love the orangey wig with it! It went so well with the dress, and she looked totally flawless.

Her performance was great as well! She was cute and funny, she knew that song back to front, I loved it. I bought it.

11. Tamisha Iman

Tanisha almost did what I wish Lala had done - the mesh top under the power suit, I loved it! I love a big power shoulder; the only problem I had was the hair. If you've got big high shoulders, you need to have big high hair, otherwise your hair is going to look flat, and you're going to look like you're walking around with your shoulders held up around your ears. Even if she'd just had an updo, I think that would have helped. There also was a little bit of a sense that the outfit was wearing her somehow? I dont know, it just wasn't quite right.

But her performance. She's a performer. She's a dancer. She was giving me Janet. She is one to watch this year. She came to play, she knows what she's doing, and I am so ready for it!

12. Tina Burner

We love a queen with a brand. Of all the entrance looks this year, I think hers was the smartest. I dont really know much about her, other than that she was in the cast, but when she walked in I was like "oh, that must be Tina Burner, she's got the firefighter look happening". Was it my favourite ever look? No, but it was well made, it fit her nicely, it didn't look like anything anyone else was wearing, and it told me exactly who she is; that's what you want from qn entrance look! She did it right.

Tina is also obviously used to sharing a stage with other people; she was perfectly comfortable in that lipsync. She didn't get in anyone's way, but she still knew how to pull focus and be centre stage, even is she wasn't literally centre stage. It was a great lipsync, she knows how to play this game, and I think she's definitely one to watch out for!

13. Utica Queen

I loooooooved Utica's entrance look! I love clashing patterns, over the top accessories, big hair, outfits that just shouldn't work but they really really do.

Unfortunately, I think that's where my love for Utica might run out. She has this cool fashion sense, and clearly a silly sense of humour, bit it felt like she was trying sooo hard to be ~quirky~ and it just came off annoying. Maybe that will improve, maybe I'm being really unfair and I just need to get to know her better, I just felt a bit like "okay babe, calm down".

Her lipsync was pretty good, but again, I feel like she was relying on silly & quirky. I dont know.

Overall, I'm a little bit disappointed in the first episode, I feel like we didn't get to see very much of the queens at all. Like, compare this to season 12; say what you want about season 12, but in the first episode(s) we got to see 5 looks from each queen, and song lyrics to tell us more about them. This episode, we got 1 look, a lipsync they weren't told about, and some chatting in the Pork Chop Loading Dock. I just think its a shame. This show is so invested in twists and turns that its forgotten that the queens are what makes this show special. I want to see them have fun and do well, not be totally defeated in episode 1!

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divine-motion · 4 years ago

Photo

don’t fucking interact if you ship t/cest and minor/adult ships

more shitty phone photos of sketchbook sketches for my tmnt fan incarnation/tmnt 2012 rewrite bc i have no shame and i’m having fun with it! pictures should have captions since i spent time writing them out, but tumblr might mess it up, so in case captions doesn’t work: 1. left to right: leo, donatello up, raphael down, michelangelo 2. Casey Jones up top, April O’Neil to the right, donatello in the middle and karai at the bottom 3. casey and don again, raphael to the left, mikey at the bottom just bc i liked how their their expressions turned out and didn’t want a bunch of negative space so don and case appear again 4. size chart featuring turtles. left to right: leo, don, mikey, raph 5. sketchy Slash design. big boy.

general thoughts character stuff below the Keep Reading. A Lot of rambling below so beware!!

April: 15 years old, trans and bi. local fifteen year old telepath finds out that not everyone is able to feel what other people are feeling, something she’s been able to do since she was six after she played in that one weirdly glowy puddle (early Kraang mutagen attempt that only managed to mutate April in the sense that it gave her telepathy, was originally intended to make humans become part of the Kraang hivemind). she’s largely unfazed by the existence of mutants and aliens, taking it in stride, and finds out about the Kraang - and meets the turtles - while snooping around TCRI business (aspiring journalist that she is) and accidentally witnessing the mutation of Snakeweed. her telepathy, which later as she grows in power alongside the turtles extends to telekinesis and basically possession, is very useful whenever she gets into a scrap since she can predict what moves her opponent will make, thus letting her dodge their blows effectively. personality wise she is a very determined and driven young girl, incredibly curious (and cannot mind her own business, she wants to know all the drama while not having to be part of it... which makes her very fortunate to be a telepath. listen she’s 15 she’s allowed to misuse her powers a little bit. as a treat.), playful, and cheerful, and she’s an extroverted autistic. in her spare time between her studies, she likes to play bass, sing, read, and write. that, and investigating whatever shady business is going on in town, and she makes it very clear to the turtles that even if they weren’t going to deal with the Kraang, she’d continue to try to stop them herself. she would like to not live under the threat of her or her loved ones getting mutated, thank you very much! and, you know, it’s kind of exciting. kind of.

i know it’s bc i have brain issues when it comes to parent figures but i am very much leaning towards Splinter not being... a good dad. i don’t think 2012 Splinter is a good dad anyways but i’d probably amp it up, make him a mix of 2012 and idw probably. i’m still mulling it over but like, remember in the season 1 finale when leo is watching his show and thinks the captain guy making a totally unnecessary sacrifice is a heroic move, and then Splinter tells leo (his fifteen year old child) that leo should know what or who to sacrifice, more or less telling him to sacrifice his brothers’ lives, potentially?? i know there was a lot at stake but hello??? i remember watching it and being like me: ah i see, this is showing that splinter is wrong and there is no need for any sacrifices as seen in the show when the captain Goes Down With His Ship for no reason other than just sacrificing himself, and leo will see that- leo: *tries to sacrifice himself twice in the finale, both times being kind of unnecessary/seemed like if he had just hurried or done something slightly different there would be no need to stay behind, and he gets out fine with no consequences, seemingly no injuries, and does Not learn anything, his brothers don’t even get sad when they think he died or get mad at him for pulling such a dumb move) me: surprised_pikachu.jpeg

like that moment haunts me. has any other splinter told their sons to sacrifice himself or his brothers? has any other splinter put that on them??? idw doesn’t count if he has bc he’s more explicitly supposed to be bad so???

sometimes writers think they’ve made an uncle iroh but they really, really, really haven’t. also his backstory is the same as in the show

anyways. Donatello: 15 years old, bog turtle, nonbinary (he/they, doesn’t mind being called brother but doesn’t like to be called “boy” or “girl” or whatever), bi. he isn’t in love with April. no creepy incel shit here. donnie is instead more like a mix between his Rise and 2003 self. he has trouble expressing himself and is pretty introverted, but he is very altruistic, kind, and compassionate. a lot of his inventions are made to help people and he was driven to learn about science and engineering because he wants to find a way to reverse splinter’s mutation, to give splinter his life and humanity back. he feels like he needs to know if splinter would just abandon them if he wasn’t a huge rat man, needs to know if there’s any part of splinter that blames them for being constant reminders of his mutation. other than that, he also likes to make inventions because he’s a dreamer and wants to experiment to see how much of the unknown he can push beyond. also, the best liar out of the turtles. also fairly good at compromising and prefers to solve conflicts without violence he can get a little... “obnoxious 15 year old genius” at times. even when he’s helpful it can come off as a bit “poor dear isn’t as smart as me”, and while he usually gets along well with Raph, he doesn’t handle Raph’s temper well at all (calls him “Wrathael/Wrath” and thinks he’s being super clever) and gets really dismissive of Raph’s “outbursts”.

Michelangelo: 13 years old, diamondback terrapin, unsure about the gender and sexuality thing but he doesn’t think he’s exactly cis and definitely not straight. a bouncy ball of sunshine and surprising emotional maturity and emotional intelligence! more so than his emotionally constipated brothers, at least. it’s on his thirteenth birthday (it was leo’s idea for them to pick dates that would let them have their own birthdays instead of sharing the “Mutation Day”, Mutation Day being another special “holiday”) that the Plot would be set in motion, as he’s finally allowed to go to the surface same as his brothers, and on this first night out they meet April and the Kraang and other mutants. he is a goof still, but he’s capable in his own right and gets frustrated when people treat him like a baby or an idiot because he’s not. he doesn’t always treat everything with the seriousness it should but like. he’s thirteen, he’s having fun. even so, he’s very insistent of taking responsibility whenever he does do something wrong and gets mad if someone tries to take the blame for something he’s done. definitely the most compassionate and empathetic out of the turtles, he’s quick to make friends and is very persuasive due to his earnest nature and good heart. much like donnie, he prefers to solve conflict without violence but does enjoy knocking skulls a lot more than donnie. unlike donnie, though, he is almost overly forgiving and not petty at all. he’s well aware that his kindness and forgiveness may be taken advantage of, but he still likes to approach people with an open hand, even if he knows that it may end up getting bitten. oh, and his hobbies include drawing, cooking, singing, and dancing. he likes to express himself!

Raphael: 14 years old, mississippi map turtle, trans, bi. all his fury is compressed within his tiny body, that’s why he’s so angry all the time! no, he’s not angry all the time, but he does have a short fuse. he absolutely hates his anger issues which leads to a lot of self-loathing, and a lot of frustration as his family members either don’t take his anger seriously or don’t have the tools to help him with it. he’s the physically strongest out of the bunch and the least agile. he loves animals and plants a lot and keeps a lot of flowers in his room, hoping that he can one day become a gardener. as his idw self, he wants to watch things grow, but no matter what he does he seems to be best at destroying things. he’s also the one most self-conscious about how the human world perceives them, as he greatly fears rejection, and is the first one to see something positive with people getting mutated - namely, that maybe this way mutants will be more well known and finally accepted by society, so he’ll no longer be trapped in the sewer until the end of his days. so yeah, he’s a huge optimist, in truth. also he’s great at knitting - great at creating and taking care of things in general - and there’s no leo and raph rivalry this time around. he can get mad at leo but not really more than he gets with his other brothers.

Casey: 15 years old, nonbinary (they/them), bi. teen vigilante who gets inspired to fight mutants and the big time criminals (no beating up pickpockets or shoplifters or whatever, just the ones that are really hurting people) and gets roped into the turtle fam after meeting raph and becoming unexpected friends (everyone was expecting it, once Casey realized that mutants are people and not weird monsters. well, not all the time, anyways). they struggle a bit in school not because of a lack of trying but a lack of time, as their parents work full time jobs and someone has to take care of casey’s little sister. their parents are very loving, but they only have so much time, so casey takes it upon themselves to take care of their little sister when their parents are busy and/or burned out from work. that, and they run into the classic dilemma of vigilante work clashing with school work. as always, they have a short fuse, they’re pretty cocky, they like beating ass, and they like hockey a whole lot. hockey, vigilante work, school, and taking care of their little sister... yeah, they have a lot on their plate. oh, and making their little inventions like the taser glove and their puck bombs, something that they bond with donnie over.

Leonardo: 17 years old, Central American wood turtle, trans, gay. he doesn’t fall in love with his sister oh my god. ahem. so, leo is raised from the start to be a Leader and has to mature very quickly, learning to be an adult way earlier than he should’ve, and as such he is very stoic and quiet, and doesn’t seem to have any hobbies, instead just doing chores and training almost constantly, and when he’s not doing that he’s reading or sleeping in his free time. he’s incredibly protective of his younger brothers and his other allies/friends, even if he acts distant and detached most of the time, and removes himself from situations where they’re having fun to not be the stick in the mud. he loves his brothers and admires them greatly, believing they could be So Much if the surface world would just accept them, and as a result he tries to be The Soldier so his brothers won’t have to. alas, they still get caught up in the Kraang and Shredder business, which frustrates him internally. he is the best fighter out of the turtles on account of having more years to train (and convincing Splinter to wait a few more years before they got Real training bc Come On Dude They’re Kids) but it’s the Only thing he’s good at, along with stealth and his sharp eyes. he absolutely sucks at talking when it isn’t about a mission or something he can script easily in his head. in his mind, he’s supposed to be more of a weapon than a person, an idea that isn’t exactly encouraged by Splinter... but not exactly discouraged either. his arc would be very paralleled with Karai’s, as they would both learn to hate their dads... also, absolutely down for murder, and a lawful neutral at best, putting his family and friends’ safety above all other things and following a strict personal code. doesn’t care too much for society’s laws, though.

Karai: 16 years old, demigirl, lesbian. same backstory as in the show, she’s born as Miwa but gets taken by Oroku Saki and raised as his daughter. however, she doesn’t exactly want revenge against Hamato Yoshi because she believes that he killed her mother. she never knew her mother, so it’s much more difficult to hate someone for taking her mother away, even if it does mean that she never got to know her mother. especially since her father rarely spoke of what her mother was like, and much more about how much he hates Yoshi. instead, her need for revenge is more for the possibly idyllic life she was robbed of, since she believes that maybe, just maybe, her father Saki would’ve been a kind father that would’ve let her have a normal childhood and not be molded into a warrior from the start if her mother still lived. and hey, maybe Tang Shen would be a nice mom too. being trained in the art of deception, Karai has a tendency to talk a lot and say very little, or at least very little that is true. she is rarely ever sincere and acts as if she’s taking nothing seriously, which is part of her defense mechanism to never let anyone close or see her true self. she mocks pretty much everyone, ally and enemy alike, but especially likes to make fun of her father’s henchmen and is always the first to point out their failures. while she does value honor to some extent, she is a bit “flimsy” when it comes to loyalty, especially after the truth about her father is revealed. when that is revealed, she at first just feels very numb, learning that not only has she been nothing but a tool and a weapon for the Shredder from the very start, but also that the idyllic fantasy where her mother still lived, perhaps her life wouldn’t be so different after all. she looks at leonardo and sees a reflection of herself, that her “real” father chose to train his sons the same way the Shredder trained her. she feels stupid for feeling like she’s been robbed of even a fantasy, but it still enrages her. of course, this also inspires her to stay with the Foot Clan... just to get the kill on Shredder.

... yeah. that got long. ahem. i’m very passionate about this unfortunately!! anyways i might draw/write more for it because no one can stop me and i’m having fun

#tmnt #leonardo #donatello #raphael #michelangelo #april o'neil #casey jones #karai #tmnt 2012 #tmnt au

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theartoflivingalways · 4 years ago

Text

i’ve been awake for over 24 hours

I haven’t been on tumblr in years. i stopped using it after high school, but I don’t know why. but now I’m back tonight, because I needed someone to talk to, but I have no one to listen. i have friends, i have family, i have a boyfriend. i have a therapist. but no matter what: i feel so unheard, so unseen, and so ignored by everyone in my life that i literally feel like i have no one to truly turn to. for anything. so, here i am. hope i get a warm welcome!!!

here’s the thing: i’m NOT a depressed person. i’m not sad, i don’t have any major mental health issues apart from anxiety and some adhd. and before you take that the wrong way, please don’t. i just got my master’s degree in social work and i’ll be starting my new job as a therapist in a couple of weeks.

but, i’m also NOT a happy person. tbh, i can’t really describe my overall ~mood~ or whatever you wanna call it. i kinda just wake up and survive the day, every day. i take it one day at a time ... kinda like what AA says to do; but no, before you ask or the thought crosses your mind, i’m not an addict. at least not a alcohol/other drugs addict ??? sorry

maybe this is why there’s no one to listen when i need them to. i fucking ramble about literally nothing before getting to the point.

it’s weird that i’m writing right now (ok, typing???). i haven’t done this since i was little. it feels good to do this, to have some sort of outlet when you feel so fucking unseen and unheard by every. single. person. around you.

so i haven’t slept in over 24 hours. it’s my own fault for sure and i have adderall to thank for that (yes i’m prescribed). i decided to start a blog again because i’m sitting here, still wide awake in my apartment, alone, while my boyfriend is sound asleep in my bedroom.

so what’s my fucking problem??? why do i want someone to talk to?? i don’t know honestly. i just feel like lately all i do is listen to others, help others, give myself completely to others. and in return, i get nothing. nothing even close to what i give, or to what i’m capable of giving. which is sad. not for me particularly (maybe?), but for others, yes, i think so.

i’m not saying that i expect anything in return for helping others, because i don’t. i didn’t enter the field of social work for the fucking money. and i know a lot of fucked up shit is going on in the world right now, and in no way do i want to minimize ANY of that. i’m just feeling a little lost and lonely, so i’m hoping this is a new outlet for me to sort out those feelings.

the last couple of hours, i’ve had a LONG string of thoughts. if you read through, you’ll eventually found out how they started. but one of the things i’ve been wrestling with in my mind is the type of person i am.

you see, it’s difficult to be “that” person for others your whole life, especially all the fucking time. if you’re anything like me, you know what i mean by that. and if you aren’t anything like me, well, first of all congrats!!!!, and secondly, i’ll explain what i mean.

when you’re “that” person for others, like myself, it’s easy for other people to walk all over you. take advantage of you, take you for granted, expect you to ALWAYS be there no matter the cost. and of course, why wouldn’t they? you’re always there to help. you’re ALWAYS there to offer support, guidance, and advice. you’re nurturing. you listen. you’re a fucking irreplaceable, loyal to death friend. if you’re VERY much like me, you’re also the one person in your family who isn’t a total fuck up (at least not publicly?)

you’re also nonjudgmental, and you were blessed with the curse of being empathic towards others at all times. empathy of course is beautiful and a very good thing to have in this life, but do you know how hard it is to feel for every single person around you.. and not have anyone feel for you???? damn

also, you never let anyone down!! ever. you’re reliable, dependable, trustworthy to the point where it’s almost sketchy because like??? who can be that way to everyone else at all times? you guessed it- people like me and people like u!! (if this is even semi-relatable, i’m sorry)

but people like us, like you, like me, tend to do this thing where we keep the same shitty fucking toxic people around that have hurt us, continue to hurt us both indirectly and directly, and who have let us down time and time again, because we continue clinging on to the fucking useless hope that “someday they’ll change”. someday, they’ll realize how fucking important you are to them and how shitty their lives are, and would be, without you in it.

you- we - also live by honesty and truthfulness, and assume others just live by this as well. but then you’re proved wrong over and over and over again, yet you never fucking learn your lesson because you are STILL hopeful that somewhere, somehow, deep down, other people DO stand by the morals you try so hard to stand by in life. most of the time, though, you’re completely avoiding the reality of other people and their experiences and who they really are, only to try to fit your own narrative of how you see things and how you think things should be.

if this sounds anything like you... i’m sorry. i know it all too well.

i grew up as the “golden child” in my family. not just my immediate family. my entire fucking family. the pressure to be perfect has lead me to develop debilitating anxiety in my 20′s, and it is what it is, but like, why the fuck couldn’t i have anxiety in high school like a normal teenager? why now?

so yeah my anxiety’s pretty bad. it’s pretty bad tonight, which is why i turned here. to tumblr. to try to write out my thoughts. which, by the way, i’m sorry, because this is an absolute fucking mess and makes no sense. if you are reading this, though, thank you. thank you for listening when no one else seems to.

anyway. growing up with the pressure of being *perfect* has a cost. at least for me it did: 1) anxiety of course, and 2) perfectionist tendencies. these have literally- LITERALLY - ruined my entire college and graduate school experience. perfectionism combined with anxiety is a recipe for fucking disaster, and i’ve been cooking it for years.

i am deliberately writing this without proper punctuation/grammer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit, not capitalizing my letters etc., because i want to not have to be so perfect all the time on here, if this is something i’m going to stick to. i know that sounds silly but it’s actually been very difficult for me to write in all lower-caps and i’m very worried that no one will even read this and HEAR ME because of my literacy negligence (i have no idea if that’s even a real thing or if it even has meaning but it sounded right)

do u want to know why i decided to write this though, truly? what lead to me feeling like i’m “spiraling” - apart from no sleep in over 24 hours now? well, get ready to laugh, because i truly think i’m pathetic and going crazy.

i went to dinner tonight with my boyfriend and his fam. our waitress was a girl i used to know years ago in high school. my boyfriend knew her too. in fact, he knew her VeRY well. for the sake of my anxious overthinking, i don’t feel like going too much into the details of *that* situation, so thanks in advance for understanding.

anyway. this corny bitch made a joke about the current political environment. i won’t say what exactly, because i’d really like to keep my identity as concealed as absolutely possible on here. but long story short, no one really laughed - every one just kinda smiled awkwardly. but you know who did laugh? my boyfriend :)

TO ME, it seemed intentional. she wasn’t fucking funny, for one. she made a bad - no, a very bad- joke. like one of those corny dad jokes. not even a dad joke actually. a step-dad joke, except your step-dad is a loser that you hate, who treats ur mom/dad bad, has no sense of humor or a horrible sense of humor and idk, just fucking sucks you know ???

sorry that got kinda dark and it was unnecessary but do u know what i mean??? and no, that was literally not relevant to me or my family system/structure in any way. just kinda came to me, ya know? ...writing works in mysterious ways man

alright so if you don’t agree, that’s fine. i already told you to get ready to laugh, because i am well aware of how insane i fucking sound. but you know what makes anxiety & perfectionism 100x harder to cope with? insecurities. and i’m FULL of them.

so anyway. we left dinner. him & i were driving home. i will admit that i did have some wine at dinner, and i wasn’t drunk but i definitely was feeling cocky enough to stir the pot with him. so, i casually said, “hey... didn’t you date _____?” *insert annoying waitress’s name who i knew once upon a time*

i said it very calmly. very coooool. v collected and nice. he said “no? i’ve never even talked to or hungout with that girl”.

i wish u could see my face as i’m writing this right now bc i cannnot. like i gave u a choice.... the opportunity. tHE SIMPLE opportunity - a chance - to be fucking honest................................

this dude. straight up. lied to my face. about this fucking girl. ???????

YEARS AGO, they most certainly did talk. a lot. in fact, my crAZy ass searched their names on facebook to find their old little love notes to each other that they posted on each others’ walls. which were very cringey but nothing that made me feel jealous or insecure (for once). after all, they were from years ago- i’m talking 5+ - so likeeee.... why would he lie (:

oh and they definitely did hang out because.... i remember clearly.... a PICTURE OF THE two of them *together* *hangin* (prob bangin too) (sorry) years ago in this now-waitress’s bedroom. i believe it was a ~webcam photo~ that they took on the new mac computer her parents prob bought her. so this photo is now NO WHERE to be found. and believe me, i looked. no, i LURKED. i went to the beginnnning of her instagram posts and deep into her uploaded facebook pictures. ok, not ‘deep’, i literally got to the first pic she ever posted on FB just to try to find this damn picture. and it took me for. fucking. ever. because this bitch has prolly posted a million pictures in the last 5+ years like who does that???

but i swear to fucking whatever the fuck that this picture exists. i have fucking seen it. i’d describe it in perfect detail right now as if i saw it today, but, once again, i’m concealin my identity, yo, so i can’t do all that. v sorry

anywho. this dude - who i call my boyfriend (and yes i love him very very much and our past is absolutely fucked but that’s a whole other story for a very different time) - had the nerve, the audacity, to tell me to my face, that he “definitely doesn’t have a picture with her” because “they’ve never hung out or talked before” ... ?!??????

obv i sent him screenshots of the dirt i dug up on facebook from 5+ years ago (i.e., the old posts between them in case ya forgot during my rambling) bc like, caught ya in a lie sir. red handed.

i might be late on mentioning this part, but here’s the fucking kicker (and i’ve never used that phrase and i don’t know why i said that but ok?): TODAY, for the first time in MONTHS, literally!!!, bc of the virus and the quarantine and all that, i got ready today for dinner with his family. like actually got ready. i spent HOURS doing my make up. i don’t even remember the last time i did my make up, ok. i dressed in a really cute outfit. i felt fucking very good about myself. i thought for sure when he’d come pick me up to go to dinner he’d at least say something. at least acknowledge it. he has literally only seen me in raw form for too many days now. like, complete bare face and sweat pants basically every day since march.

but. did he even look at me twice?!!? no. did he mention anything about how i looked? how it was drastically different from my everyday attire the last couple months? did he take 2 seconds out of his day to say something corny or flirty to me? even just, “you look beautiful”??? honestly i would’ve even appreciated, “you look beautiful, for once” ???

did u guess the correct answer? well if u didn’t, it’s N O.

but u know who he did look at twice.

our waitress at dinner.

i think i wrote enough for one night. if u think this is my anxiety/perfectionism/insecurities combination spiraling out of control after being tamed incessantly for 20+ years, PLZ TELL ME.

but also, if you have a fucking brain, you’d know that:

1) this is definitely NOT the first time i’ve responded to something like this the way i did, and

2) i really just needed to ramble on and vent about all the shit that’s been going through my mind the last 2 1/2 hours, so there’s that.

have a good night get some sleep!!! thank u for ur time.

#why #me #cantsleep #upfor24hours #adderall #waitress #insecure #perfect #anxiety #sorry #helpme #help #needsleep #dontwanttotho #goodnight #getsomerest #ily #thanku

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rapperkookz · 5 years ago

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older brother!yoongi

a/n: I had a texting post about this, but I wanted to make it an actual thing bc i fucking love yoongi

lowkey the absolute so f t est

he’s not super duper public about his love for you

but everyone knows that he adores you

it’s like his love for the boys, but amped up x100

you have his same gummy smile

you and yoongi never really fought when you were younger

he always looked after you and you just followed his lead

you both had a quiet understanding of your boundaries and it was nice

you kept each other company during family gatherings bc none of your family really clicked for you guys besides each other

yoongi took better care of you more than your parents did

he’d wake you up for school after you’d fallen back asleep

when you’d get home late from sports practice or whatever, he always made sure that you had some form of food waiting whether it be toast or ramen or leftovers

after he’s done with the bathroom, he’d knock on your door and say “wash up before going to bed”

he’d always make sure to come to your events even if he’s just watching from the side

he’s your #1 fan and when he debuts, you become his

he never told you about his struggles during training, even when you called him and he visibly looked so exhausted to you

from what little money you earned from your part-time job, you tried to send him some home care packages

you’re such a supportive lil sib, you always send him good luck texts before a comeback or concert or tour or award show

and there’s also the texts in the middle of the night

‘go to sleep idiot, you’re working too hard’

‘why the fuck are you awake it’s 4 am’

‘well why are you awake huh’

‘I’m working, you have no excuse, go to bed’

‘shut up bro, you too’

you’re both sarcastic with each other, but you also know it’s filled with love

first time he revealed you to the public was a tweet

he was getting back at you for sending the most embarrassing baby photo to the boys

and he posts the pic of you wearing goggles and ur swimsuit and ur like 12 or something but you look absolutely stupid and he’s laughing in the background

it had no context at all, it was just a pic of you and then a pic of yoongi laughing

and you were pissED like you hate that picture with all your life and now over 10 million people have seen it and you hate yourself

but he tweets afterwards

“at times when i’m down, I really miss my goofy sib. hopefully I can see em again really soon! but for now, back to work”

and your anger just like fizzled away

and you almost started crying because damn it’s been nearly a year since you saw your brother and you miss him so fucking much??

god im soft

REAL CRUCIAL MOMENT IN YOUR RELATIONSIHP W/ HIM

agust d - the last

you bet your fucking ass that you cried so damn hard listening to that track on his mixtape

your brother was struggling that much and you had no clue???

god you felt like such a shitty younger sibling

usually you’d text him to ask before facetiming

but you just pressed the little video cam button before thinking

he was busy ofc but he still answered

“hey kid, i’m sorta in the middle of something, can i call you back-hold on, why are you crying wtf”

you started apologizing like crazy for not being there for him

for being oblivious to his struggles

literally everything

and then how much you love him and how much he means to you

like you were a mess

yoongi gets so soft though

he excuses himself from whatever he was doing and soothes you

“hey...stop crying you big baby, i’m okay”

“you said you almost killed yourself in your mixtape...i don’t ever want to live in a world without you oppa/hyung...”

yoongi’s heart breaks

“you won’t ever have to lil one, i promise.”

then you tell him how much you love his mixtape and he gets so happy and relieved

he knows ur his biggest fan but like your validation still means so much to him

you two are still sarcastic w each other

but as he spends more time w the boys, he gets softer

which means he’s completely like jelly for you

will literally give into all your wishes

he will always ask to see a picture of holly whenever he texts you

even if it’s completely out of context

you: can u bring me a souvenir from malta?

yoongi: send me a pic of holly

when you start dating, he is the scary big brother

like he’s intimidating oof

will not even try to get to know your s/o

your s/o has to win his approval first before yoongi will even crack jokes w them

has probably threatened all the partners that you’ve ever had

you’re off limits to the boys obviously

which sucks bc you lowkey wanna get into their dms sometimes

but yoongi will smack you in the head every time you try to mention it

he cries at your wedding

you know his cry during the 2016 daesang award speech where he’s wearing the red suit from bst

and he just like sobs into his hand?

that’s how he’ll cry at your wedding

he’s the godfather to your first kid

and he spoils the fuck out of your kids like uncle yoongi??? the fucking best

when his songs talk about home, you’re ofc mentioned and an inspiration uwu

you’re always in his thanks to on his songs, albums, whatever

yoongi tries to show you how cool he is, but fails and you laugh

and he gets bitter

oh i love min yoongi

like i would honestly love him as a brother??

ok the end

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copperbadge · 6 years ago

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tienriu replied to your post “Almost got my ass kicked on an airplane”

Sam, you pulled an adult on some kid. And forgot that you're an actual facts adults. Also I bet you are now being immortalised in a 'this one time -' story a bunch of the people around you are telling.

LOL I’m not even sure if anyone else heard me, you know how airplane accoustics are, but he definitely did. :D I swear I just meant to think it to myself.

I don’t think I ever really internalized that I’m an actual facts adult myself -- it took me realizing that this kid was probably 15-20 years younger than me to realize that I actually appear to have authority.

winds-wanderer replied to your photo “Man, you guys, the Guggenheim is EVEN UGLIER IN PERSON. Nothing...”

Funny stories re the Guggenheim (from former prof who used to work there as an art handler). 1. The walls are a bitch for hanging art. Many drill bits were required. 2. The incline of each floor was too steep for driving small vehicles carrying art work. As for me, the distance between the wall and the rail is too narrow, preventing proper viewing of big art works. So Guggenheim = great architecture, shitty space for displaying art.

Yeah, I did a bit of reading on it and Frank Lloyd Wright never seems to be really interested in the ultimate use of the piece -- I think he was really a frustrated installation artist before they existed (hence the frustration). His architecture was art applied to structure, but he seemed heavily disinterested in what that structure was surrounding.

jeanninedupree replied to your photo “Some photos I didn’t get to post today! Lanterns in a park in south...”

Sam, I don't know if you ever ran across the work of Rex Stout's sister Ruth, but it's well worth your time. She's mainly known as a gardening writer (author of "How to Have a Green Thumb Without an Aching Back") but her book "If You Would Be Happy" is good general philosophy of life.

Oh neat! I wasn’t aware of her, thank you. I’ll add it to my reading queue!

jaythenerdkid-official replied to your photo “Some photos I didn’t get to post today! Lanterns in a park in south...”

I always read that the address of wolfe's brownstone (which changed quite a bit in the books, just like the name of wolfe's lawyer - IS IT NATHANIEL OR IS IT HENRY GEORGE,, REX) would put his house somewhere in the river. that plaque is so cool, though! wolfe is one of my favourite detectives. he and goodwin are my favourite bickering old married couple to go and visit when I'm feeling down.

Yeah, he shared with Conan Doyle a certain lack of concern with the finer details of his stories, but then I think he thought of them as fun little pulps -- he made them as literary as possible and he had some social commentary to make especially in the later ones, but I don’t think he ever thought they’d be seriously studied by people.

There were definitely a lot of addresses I found when I decided I’d go searching for the brownstone (there aren’t any brownstones in that area anymore) but once I happened on the fact that there was a plaque, I decided to take the Wolfe Pack’s word for it :D

sphinxyvic replied to your photo “Some photos I didn’t get to post today! Lanterns in a park in south...”

Gotta show this to Parhelion! We’ll have to look for it next time we’re in NYC!

It’s at 454 West 35th Street -- though I have to warn you there is no brownstone attached to it, it’s just a very nice kind of vintagey-designed apartment block.

thetimesinbetween replied to your photo “Found hipster foodie Steve’s favorite coffee joint. (It is in...”

pause, i live here (in brooklyn)—where is this???

It’s called The Flat BKSpeed Coffee -- I guess it’s kind of a sales point for a coffee micro-roastery in the area?

luthorchickv2 replied to your photo “Well I found something to top yesterday’s Vermeer.”

Was in a cab going up first when i was this post and managed to look out the window at exactly the right moment to see it.

Aw yay, how serendipitous! I actually quite like it, it’s weird and I’m not sure where it’s going but it’s having fun on the way there. According to news coverage, it’s meant to be a welcoming, whimsical first sight on the way to the new children’s hospital that’s going up nearby.

persian-slipper replied to your photo “Well I found something to top yesterday’s Vermeer.”

Who is the artist? It isn't S. Johnson, is it?

No, although there is a Seward Johnson nearby, apparently, I passed close to it on the bus ride back from the doggo. It’s by Donald Lipiski.

laughingacademy replied to your photo “Well I found something to top yesterday’s Vermeer.”

Too bad it wasn't raining, that causes the windshield wipers to turn on.

I HEARD. I was so mad too because it rained later that day!

myotherblogisatardis replied to your post “The little statues are in the 14th St/8th Avenue stop, not 34th. St.”

Ohhhh... Those.... I *hate* those guys!

I have to admit the first ones I saw I was like “Oh, how cute!” and the second one I saw next to it I was like “Well that’s funny!” and then the more I saw the more creeped out I got.

bobcatmoran replied to your photo “Okay kids, you said Ess-A-Bagel so here I am, and bagels aside, the...”

Midwesterner who lived in NY for a few years - I think the thing about NYC bagels isn't necessarily that the best NYC bagels are on a different plane than the best bagels in, say, Chicago. It's that the average NYC bagel is so, SO much better than the average bagel in a Midwestern city, even one as big as Chicago. And they're so ubiquitous.

That makes sense, and the ubiquity I will acknowledge -- the ease of getting a really good bagel in New York is undeniable. If I lived in a city where I could get bagels that good that easily, I’d have a bit of civic pride about it too.

This does, however, reinforce my belief that people who hear the question “Hey where can I get good bagels in XYZ city” and respond “You can’t, go to New York” are being assholes. It’s not helpful, it just generates noise, and it’s worse now! Because it’s SO EASY to find good bagels in New York! New Yorkers should be sympathetic to the plights of those trying to find good bagels elsewhere. It’s the pettiest of punching-down maneuvers.

truly-a-gryffindork replied to your photo “Okay kids, you said Ess-A-Bagel so here I am, and bagels aside, the...”

If you want a side of religious experience with your bagels you’ll have to go to Montreal

I am willing to test this hypothesis the next time I find myself in Montreal!

lh7 replied to your post “Sam I have an important Chicago question: just north of the DuSable...”

hey @copperbadge this post on my blog was flagged

Thank you! Even Tumblr knows how atrocious Seward Johnson’s art is. I’ve had it unflagged.

fanmouse replied to your photo “IT HAS BEEN A VERY EXCITING DAY. I went to Tal’s bagels for breakfast...”

I want to know if one of the silver pitchers in the Met collection belonged to Vermeer (or the model). Wishing you safe travels.

I actually backtracked yesterday morning to the public-access storage room and went through the rack of silver pitchers looking for one that matched, but alas, none had the right shape and spout.

melinda-t-charville replied to your photo “Funnily enough mum used to complain that people randomly followed her...”

Thank you! I was able to find it now - you must have got a good deal bc they're selling it for $20 on Amazon!

Oh lord, you can definitely find it cheaper than that -- I saw it for like $8 using Google Shopping. Good luck in your quest!

#melinda-t-charville #fanmouse #lh7 #truly-a-gryffindork #bobcatmoran #myotherblogisatardis #laughingacademy #persian-slipper #thetimesinbetween #luthorchickv2 #sphinxy-vic #jaythenerdkid-official #jeanninedupree #winds-wanderer #tien-riu

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