#Shits crazy y'all

[dappy-dappernette]

It's always weird to see people make fun of Hetalia fans before going on to list one of their favorite anime as that one banned (or at the very least HEAVILY censored) "ero guro" l-li anime movie that had a hard time getting sponsors because of how bad it was.

Like "Oh you're bad and cringe cause you like Hetalia" brother you like a movie about little girls getting SA'd, stfu.

[334iwatchshit]

what the fuck are these gay doctors doing on my screen

WHY ARE THEY DOOMED I CANT

[starryeyeddreamer21]

Characters as things I've said/heard people say

I went to the fair with my family so you get this

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Angel: No regrets, if we die good riddance

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Cherri: I would strap myself to a bomb for fun

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Charlie: I haven't pet a cow in too long I think

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Vaggie: *furious* All because I can't crochet

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Husk: if I was a goat I'd uhhh umm I don't know I'd probably just be a goat... Sleep maybe?

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Angel: I'm going to touch your ankles

Husk: What are you, some kind of Victorian pervert?

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Charlie: *gasping and pointing to a sign* SUPER FRIED CHICKEN

Angel: Lame I want super SUPER fried chicken

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Alastor: *watching pork roast* Gorgeous

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Charlie: *feeding Vaggie* here comes the airplane

Alastor: ... That was embarrassing for both of you

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Vaggie: *watching a man dressed as a cockroach walk by* The men have started morphing into their true forms

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Cherri: Wouldn't it be funny if this place got set on fire

Charlie: No??? There would be a stampede

Cherri: Oh damn I would die

Charlie: No, you would stampede?

Cherri: I wouldn't run

Charlie: *sigh* yeah, of course not

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Sir Pentious: If I died on a rollercoaster my last words would be "Wahoo"

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Nifty: I need to destroy, I need to rip something to shreds with my bare hands

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Lucifer and his Candy apple adventures a saga:

Lucifer: *holding a candy apple* oh hell yeah I'm gonna fuck this shit UP

-

Lucifer: *spits seed at Alastor*

Alastor: *doesn't notice*

Lucifer: *spits seed at Alastor*

Alastor: *looks around* ???

Lucifer: *spits seed at Alastor*

Alastor: *looks back at him* What are you doing?

Lucifer: Huh?

Lucifer: *spits seed at Alastor*

Alastor: WILL YOU STOP

Lucifer: What are you talking about????

Alastor: You're throwing something in my hair and on my shoulders and back-

Lucifer: *singing* head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!

(my sister never figured out what I was doing 💀)

-

Lucifer: *still eating his candy apple* Why am I eating this like a chicken wing?

Charlie: Is that not how you're supposed to eat it?

Lucifer: You are absolutely right

-

Lucifer: *covered in candy apple* I'm sticky 🥺

-

Lucifer: *done with his candy apple but still chewing on the stick*

Alastor: *takes a bite of a mozzarella stick*

Lucifer: *gasps* MOZZARELLA STICKS

Alastor: *dips mozzarella sticks in marinara sauce and holds it out to Lucifer*

Lucifer: *reaches for it*

Alastor: *takes it back and glares*

Lucifer: what? oh- weirdo *eats it from his hand*

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Lucifer: Can you bring me to the bathroom?

Alastor: I'm not carrying you

Lucifer: *rolls eyes* can you walk me to the-

Alastor: I might be able to find you a little red wagon

Lucifer: I'm going to punch you

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Cherri: Froot loops are just-

Angel: *nods seriously* Gay Cheerios

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Charlie: I need to find a bathroom to cry in asap

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Vaggie: She's either drunk or high off something

Angel: I think it would be easier if I was high

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Charlie: All I can smell is weed

Angel and Cherri: *deep inhale*

Charlie: NO

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Alastor: Ugh there are so many people

Lucifer: I know I'm dying

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Angel: *gasp* MY PHONE IS ON ONE PERCENT

Alastor: *completely monotone* oh no the horrors

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Stranger: Is that your dad?

Husk: Do I look that old?

Angel: No, we're married

Stranger: Oh... you're married

Angel: *laughing* No

Husk: DO I LOOK THAT OLD????

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Lucifer: *singing along* I can count on you like 4 3 2 you'll be there

Alastor: No I'd leave you

Lucifer: Yeah I know

Alastor: Like everyone else

Lucifer: oh

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Nifty: *staring at crystals* Do I think they could heal me? No, I am beyond repair. Do I think they're so so so so pretty? YES!!! I NEED THEM

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Lucifer: *overstimulated, angry, and grinning with tears in his eyes* I wish I could enjoy things

---

[hakusins]

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[burningcheese-merchant]

PLEASE FEED US MORE JUST AS DOWN BAD GOLDEN CHEESE. PLEASE MORE YANDERE CHEESE

Did you send two asks in a row screaming for more Accidental Yandere Golden Cheese lol. Calm down brotato, Merchant is here. Merchant sees you (and everyone else in my inbox I swear to God Almighty I will address you all eventually). Let me see what I've got in my noodle for you

Under the cut because this is fucked and gets a little extra graphic at one particular point lol

Golden Cheese actually has tried to gather the identities of those Burning Spice has murdered. What she wasn't able to glean on her own, from her own personal knowledge of other lands and peoples (i.e. noticing certain traits she knows to be endemic to certain cultures, like a hair accessory or something), she found in books and scrolls in her kingdom's library that gave her a better idea. Whatever she couldn't find in those, she found via sending cheesebirds to travel far and wide in search of any kingdoms, cities, villages, families and friend groups with confirmed missing persons. They would report back to her and, with all the knowledge she's gathered, she's able to find a name, which she then wrote onto a label and placed under the person it belonged to. She's managed to eventually give all the heads their identities/personhood back, at least to some degree. And now, knowing who these people are/were, she can get them back to their loved ones easier. Right? ...Right? (She tries not to progress beyond being proud of herself for going that extra mile, because it just leads back to "ok so why are the heads still here, why haven't you returned them". In trying to do the right thing, she ultimately just does the WRONG thing again and reinforces her preexisting guilt and shame, because... she knows exactly why she hasn't returned them...)

Golden has started... experimenting with Spice, for lack of a better term. After she was proven correct about him paying attention when she mentions someone she doesn't like and later killing that specific person for her, she starts testing him in other ways. She makes subtle suggestions about how he ought to kill people, to see how he responds in the moment and if he actually ends up doing it later. She tries to coax him into going into detail about how the killing went, just to see if and how he does so (turns out he really does like to brag about his crimes, especially to her). She tries to hint at him giving her other things besides body parts, like certain trinkets (it... sort of works. If she asks for a watch, he... brings her a severed arm with a watch attached to it still, for example). She's observing how far he'll go and in which direction he's willing to travel in at her suggestion. (...And she revels in how much power it turns out she has over him. She really does have him at her beck and call. It's lovely.)

When her friends ask her how she's been managing her Beast (they are aware that hers is still actively targeting her, but that's it), she acts as nonchalant as possible. Burning Spice is nothing. He's just a fly buzzing around her head. She handles him just fine. When they ask her how they can help, she tells them she doesn't need it, because she doesn't want them anywhere near him she really is fine. It's fine. She's fine. When they suggest going after him themselves... thank goodness she's a good actress and a quick thinker, because her very first REAL reaction was seething fury that she had to keep under control until she was alone again - but then, when she finally is, she just has another crisis of conscience, because now she has to confront the fact that she can no longer tolerate the notion of him being harmed by anyone besides herself. She used to want him dead or imprisoned by any means necessary, but now... now, she lies about his whereabouts to everyone who asks (and she always knows where he is, she snuck a tracking device onto him), because she doesn't want anyone coming near him for any reason anymore, least of all to harm him. Because only SHE can harm him now. He still comes to fight her, not just to give her things. And she obliges him, albeit begrudgingly (never mind the sick satisfaction she feels when she hurts him or takes him down. She wonders if this feeling is what he's referring to in those letters about him reveling in their battles and how he enjoys her suffering). She... she won't let that end. She won't let anyone get in the way. In his way. In THEIR way. She can handle him by herself. Everyone else can stay home. They won't take him away from her. She cannot guarantee their safety if they try.

She once idly wondered about his past. About the people he likely once had in his life. About... if he'd ever been fond of any other women. She could hardly fathom the hatred that utterly overwhelmed her senses when the thought entered her mind. So angry was she that she broke the glass of water in her hand in said anger and injured herself. So haunted by this notion did she end up, that she tried to ask him about it the next time they met (as subtly as possible; she understands the implications of asking such a thing). He just shrugged and said he didn't recall; the only woman that mattered to him was her. She hated how relieved she felt when he told her that...

...but after that day, and for a good while, he only targeted women. He kept killing adult women and bringing their heads to her, and no one else's. She quickly surmised that he might have noticed her jealousy (or at least imagined she was jealous) and immediately set out to prove his devotion to her further than before by destroying those she feels threatened by - even if the threat does not exist, for she is all he ever wanted. He never told her directly, but she figured that's what it was. And she allowed herself to believe it. Because it made her happy.

(When the women-only killing spree eventually ended, she was struck with morbid curiosity and asked him about the men he killed. Was there anything behind the ones he chose? He revealed to her that, though his targets were mostly random, he would go out of his way to kill any man that he thought she might find attractive. He was capable of feeling threatened, just like she was. It was quite the surprise... a surprise she welcomed, a surprise she found deeply amusing. Because really, what was left for her to find attractive in anyone anymore, when no one went as far as he did to earn her favor?)

She actually does find him handsome. She always has, from the beginning. It was something she considered to be a great shame; such good looks squandered on such a horrible man. But now... with her greed slowly spiraling out of control thanks to him constantly overfeeding it the way he does with his violent extremism... she's starting to dare to find that extremism handsome, too. She's slowly but surely ceasing to find any shame in the circumstance. She's starting to think he's handsome... and that's it, that's the end of the thought. He's handsome, with all of that blood coating his face and body. He's handsome, puffing his chest out and beaming with such sick pride at the handiwork he performed for her. He's handsome, in his maddened, unwavering dedication to her. He's handsome... no asterisk, no addendum, no ifs ands or buts. He's handsome. Burning Spice is handsome. It weighs on her like a stone. And it only gets heavier each time he sees him and his handsome face again.

Sometimes... just sometimes... she'll reread those letters that are particularly... steamy. There's something rather fascinating about them, in a different way than the others. They're so... uniquely visceral. She believes him when he tells her he's starving; his hunger practically lunges at her from the page, claws at her, sinks its teeth into her, sets her body alight. Pure, unashamed, blistering hot lust and sexuality, with some of that same addiction to violence mixed in (he's a sadomasochist, go figure). People have flirted with Golden before... but not like this. No one on earth has ever dared to speak to her so brazenly, not even after several pints of liquid courage. He talks about wanting to break her bed as well as she herself. He tells her how often he touches himself to the thought of her. He details exactly where he wants to put his hands. Where he wants to put his mouth. What he intends to say straight into her ears as they go, and what he wants her to say back to him. How he doesn't want to stop until they both collapse with exhaustion. Just neverending feverish rants about he wishes to destroy her in more ways than one, and how he expects her to scream and beg either way. She won't admit it, not even to herself, the thought tried to make itself known inside of her head once and she shoved it down and tried to bury it under concrete instantly, but... she's almost... intrigued. She's flattered, of course. She relishes this aspect of his insatiable appetite for her alongside all the others. (She likes being told she's pretty. He does that and then some.) But... some small part of her is... curious. Curious about... if he really would follow through on what he says he wants to do, if he really had the chance. How it would feel. How HE would feel. What the difference would really be between him overpowering her to win a fight and him overpowering her to... to...

...there are nights where she lays awake, drilling holes into the ceiling with her bloodshot eyes, wondering where it all went wrong. There are nights where all that succeeds in putting her to sleep are the warm, bitter tears that stream down her face when the guilt and shame grow too powerful. There are nights where she just gets up and leaves, throws herself out of her own window and flies off somewhere, anywhere, it doesn't matter - it just had to be somewhere she couldn't feel dozens of empty, lifeless eyes watching her through the walls. Judging her. Condemning her. Damning her to Hell, where she and the monster who ended their lives belonged.

...and then, there are nights where she feels... strange. Where she notices how... big her bed really is, and how small she feels laying in it. She wonders how it would feel if he was there. If she could nest in his thick, strong arms instead of thin bedsheets. How much more comfortable his chest would feel, compared to her pillow. If his hair was as soft as it looked. How he'd react if she started tracing his tattoos with her fingertips. If sharing a tender moment like that would awaken something in him. If it would somehow help him realize how wrong all of this is.

...Or maybe it would just make it worse.

Maybe she doesn't care anymore.

[bootyrockincowgirl420]

It's me, ya girl purpleaktavis back from a hiatus.

30, married, VA, and looking for all my old mutuals.

Rb for visibility 💖

Feeders/Fetish blogs DNI, minors DNI, over 50 DNI.

If you're a dude with a porn blog, I will probably block you.

[wikiangela]

sometimes it feels like some people don't even like eddie as his own character (same often goes for buck for that matter), they only exist for each other and with each other, and ppl bend over backwards, twisting all the words said in canon, trying to make all their individual storylines about each other. it's insane lol

let them be their own characters jfc, there's so much more to them than whatever you want their relationship to be😫

[julescarvajal]

this unheard of level of chemistry and we're not getting them back. jumping off my roof

[purrvaire]

black sails + tumblr text posts I have on my phone

[ssssssstarnnnights]

Spive (my wives)

[nightwingstits]

*shoots you and starts singing Britney*

Batgirl (2000) #15 written by Kelley Puckett; art by Damion Scott and Robert Campanella

[boopsloop363]

Invited all my friends up to San Antonio for the weekend at my cousin's. They all politely refused and blamed it on their schedules but they all seemed to shy away the moment I told em we'd be doing work on my cousin's house. I get it, who wants to work for free especially when you have zero experience in home improvement... but like, y'all are men lmao

[gingermintpepper]

One of my favourite little things about Apollo is how casual his and the Fates' relationship was.

Now, this isn't to understate how grave the Fates were in any way, as a matter of fact, it's written multiple times about the complex interplay between the Fates and Zeus (Stobaeus even wrote that the Fates were given the seat closest to Zeus' throne so he could better give counsel on all things from their machinations)

Indeed, even Zeus was beholden to them and even though the Fates usually left things up to natural course (and Zeus in his position as Moiragetes - that is, the Leader of Fates could even intercede on these events, even interrupting when a someone was set to die) in a lot of ways, there are many, many things that even Zeus could never interfere with, things that were above even the King of the Heavens. Some really good examples are things like Persephone's Abduction which the Fates ruled as necessary for the propagation of the seasons and his marriages to Themis and Hera.

By all accounts really, the Fates were incredibly stern, incredibly grave deities who presided over law, order, birth and death and even worked with the Furies to punish those who broke the sacred laws!

And then you have Apollo who was also known by the title Moiragetes (In Delphi, there were only two Moirai depicted and in place of the third was Zeus and Apollo Moiragetes according to Pausanias) but who did things like, checks notes, send the Fates to be the midwives of his paramour Evadne when she had to deliver his son alone in secret (by the way, he also sent the actual goddess of childbirth to help. The Fates absolutely did not need to also be there, he was taking every precaution:

and get the Fates drunk so they would agree to save his bestie Admetus' life:

Keep in mind btw - this con Apollo pulled for Admetus was multi-layered and even included getting Heracles to wrestle Thanatos and keep him still so Apollo could proceed to help Admetus cheat Alcestis away from Fates when Admetus expressed regret for making his wife die in his place:

And I cannot stress enough that Apollo faced zero consequences for this nonsense. NONE. The Fates weren't even cordial with other Gods - they're almost never referred to directly, they were often depicted apart from other deities or described as old, ugly and unable to walk (though, generally speaking they were artistically depicted as young maidens!) and apart from comforting Demeter by going to personally explain what happened to Persephone in some versions of the story, they didn't really get humanised the way most of the other gods or spirits did. Usually they're referred to euphemistically, or someone will speak distantly about a prophecy they once heard was designed by the Fates but Apollo? Apollo knew the Fates! He was good friends with the Fates! And I think it's even cooler when you consider that both instances of Apollo showing off his Fate's Favourite privilege have to deal with birth (of Iamus) and death (of Alcestis/Admetus) which were the two points most deeply associated with the Moirai and why there were usually depictions of them as a pair over that of a triad.

(Excerpts sourced from Theoi, Aeschylus' Eumenides, Pindar's Olympian 6 and Statius' Silvae; though just a note, one instance of the Fates' involvement with Apollo is misquoted on Theoi - that is the Fates being present for Apollo's birth, that's actually a misinterpretation of Evadne's birthing of Iamus.)

[multifandombullshitbabes]

I feel like if you hate Haley, you simply lack either comprehension skills, or you genuinely watched the show with eyes and ears covered, cause aint no way.

Was it a shitty situation? Yeah. Was she right for the divorce? Yeah, actually, if they couldn't come to a compromise. That's what happens with relationships, people change, goals change, life changes. That's natural. Is it unfair to make Hotch leave a job he obviously loves? Yes. Is it unfair to assume your family is going to feel ok when you work a dangerous job that makes you absent a lot? Also yes. These realities can and DO coexist!!! The saddest part abt all of this is jack.

Could Hotch maybe trust his team a bit more to pick up some paperwork so he can have more time with his family and not spend extra hours not home? Yes!! But he wouldn't, cuz hes the leader, the protector, the parent, and he would NEVER make his team do work thats his. He'll take the sacrifice of not seeing his family as much. Because it is a sacrifice. He just also didn't want Haley to know how much it truly hurt to be away, cuz then SHE would be in pain for him n would want him to leave more, and then jack would ALSO feel the pain of both his parents.

Its a shitty situation, its sad, its complicated, its full of love, and its so REAL, and it is NOT Haleys fault. Why would y'all blame a mother for wanting the father around more often? Why would y'all blame a wife who doesn't want her husband to go away and never, ever come back?

Its what comes with the job. And sadly, Haley realised she could not do it, she could not be with jack knowing hotch could just be DEAD. Thats CRAZY. Its HORRIFYING. And it is the job.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

when your ADHD gets so bad you literally throw your phone across the room to try and stop yourself from "Wasting Time" instead of working

[userautumn]

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