bonniestewarts

[bonniestewarts]

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is this a serve?

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left baby sis alone for 5 mins and she claims she didn’t touch the cake. sources confirm pls

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DAISY EDGAR-JONES. BFI Luminous Gala.

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Paul Mescal will debut as a guest host on Saturday Night Live, on December 7

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@bonniestew: @missymac always room for more bb

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ny smooches with the sexiest girl i know fr

[bonniestewarts]

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ny smooches with the sexiest girl i know fr

[bonniestewarts]

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jensy told me not to just caption this ‘boobies’

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@bonniestew: hottest girl alive yes ma’am!

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sexy rich widow vibes only

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two pretty best friends

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@bonniestew: @roryosully oh no i changed the privacy settings U SEE i am a coward

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easily. without hesitation. lubed up and no protection. next question! (for legal and personal reasons this is a joke.)

[bonniestewarts]

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easily. without hesitation. lubed up and no protection. next question! (for legal and personal reasons this is a joke.)

[bonniestewarts]

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your favorite sci-fi author just dropped a new sexy unhinged photoshoot. i’m in his front room dipping my kit kat chunky into his unfinished mug of tea. we are not the same

[bonniestewarts]

@bonniestew: sometimes you’re reminded just how hard someone fumbled a hotty… crazy scenes. ezra u are sooooo fine

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Visiting Olly at work.

[bonniestewarts]

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its educational

[bonniestewarts]

As far as Bonnie was concerned, the electric chair wasn’t nearly a harsh enough punishment for some men. Like, seriously? Asthma was an ick now? How much of an ick would he find it when he’s old and greying, dying alone and coughing up a lung while suffering alongside his own, putrid stench of misogyny? Then what, Roger? 

Rolling her eyes, she ignored the looks of mortification from a group of 70-something year-old socialites that had been trying to enjoy their overpriced coffees upon hearing her assessment of Pencil Dick McGee and turned her attention to Rory instead. Just in time, she caught the grand opening of what could only be considered a world class, cinematic masterpiece as Rory’s cigarette smoke engulfed her douchey tinder date, sending him spiraling into a coughing fit that could’ve rivalled Bonnie’s own. As an asthmatic, she probably should’ve disapproved of Rory’s dirty little habit, but it was playing in her favour around about now, and there was something obscenely sexy about her friend when he had a single cig propped between his lips, tongue darting out to catch it as he talked around the thing. Ariadne had once called it pretentious, but neither of them were in any place to judge the other when it came to their wildly questionable preferences. 

Mood positively lifted, Bonnie beamed across at Rory as he returned to her side, his witty quip hadn’t gone amiss, landing so masterfully that Roger looked as though he might burst into tears any second now. 

It could probably be noted that Bonnie can’t have been that into Roger if a quick takedown from Rory O’Sullivan of all people was all it had taken for her to be put off of the man. That said, Jenson had long been musing that maybe Bonnie was just addicted to the idea of somebody wanting her than the prospect of actually dating somebody. She couldn’t fault his logic. Rory, on the other hand, seemed unsure what to say to her, a look of discomfort suddenly replacing the smug smile he’d worn only moments before. 

Everything that Bonnie knew about her friend relied on the fact that he was decent in bed – Missy's summation, rather than her own – and horrible at ‘emotions and all that shite’ - an assessment he’d offered her himself, free of charge. It hadn’t ever bothered her before – she had a handful of friends she could turn to when she needed a shoulder to lean on – and she wasn’t about to let it bother her now. If anything, his awkward stature and look of unease was slightly amusing to Bonnie, and she wondered absently if she could use it in her favour - if only for entertainment purposes. 

With a loud, arguably too dramatic sigh, she shrugged his hand off from her shoulder, instead wrapping her own arm around his waist, pulling him in for a hug that she was sure he’d be cursing Roger out over for the rest of the day. Resting her chin against his shoulder, her face tucked away where he couldn’t see her, she found herself smirking as she released the whiniest, most petulant moan she could muster. 

“It’s not fair, Ror. Why doesn’t anybody wanna date me? I’m hot and insanely desirable,” she demanded, the smirk playing on her lips note even remotely well-matched to the tone she’d adopted. 

The truth was, this was a question she’d asked herself many times with a lot more sincerity, but she knew fine well that Rory O’Sullivan was the last person on Earth she’d find the answer with. There were days that Bonnie wasn’t even entirely sure her label of friend was reciprocated by the other man, and she sure as hell wasn’t expecting him to validate her self-indulgent claims, but that didn’t mean she didn’t wanna make him squirm. Just a little. 

Writing wasn’t the kind of career that brought with it a great deal of routine. Not that Rory particularly minded as he was a certified night owl, going to bed in the early am and not rising again until the sun was at its highest point in the sky. It also meant that the moments where he wasn’t sitting in his writing nook and frowning over a plot hole of his own making, it appeared to others that he was advertising his supposed ‘free time’ to be open for anyone to make a monopoly of.

Normally, this consisted of babysitting his agent’s kids on the days where Bonnie was allocated her own time off. Sometimes, he was in charge of the groceries, hubris prompting him to claim he didn’t need to take a list with him only to return from Trader Joe’s with half the items required and Alison shaking her head and muttering something under her breath about ‘weaponised incompetence’. In comparison, shadowing Bonnie on her date wasn’t as much of a chore. And yet-

“What d’you need me t’do it for?” he’d asked then flinched when Missy’s palm lightly collided with the back of his head.

“Because Kian and I are working and she’s a girl on a first date with a stranger,” the brunette explained, brown doe eyes fixated on him like she was a Disney princess talking to a very, very dumb cartoon deer.

He had narrowed his eyes at her, rubbing sorely at the back of his head despite it not having hurt at all.

“You can’t take the night off? S’not like another dinosaur’s goin’ t’go extinct,” he reasoned. This time, he managed to dodge the blow she sent his way. But then she began prodding him incessantly until he had no choice but to relent, understanding that tagging along with Bonnie for a little while was a fate much preferable to receiving a stern talking-to from Missy.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t care about the wellbeing of Bonnie. He’d been the one to indoctrinate her into their rag-tag little group of misfits after all, ever since he’d walked into the living room of his boss’ penthouse apartment, half-dressed in a pair of boxers, and found an amused-looking young woman standing there clad in a TARDIS sweatshirt. He had a lot of time for Bonnie and didn’t want her to get turned into a human Big Mac if her date turned out to be a creep, but he just wasn’t sure what he was meant to do. Sit and stare at them from across the coffeeshop like some sort of creep? And how long was he meant to stay there for? If they took things to the next level, was he meant to go along with them and sit in a corner of the room with a paperback while they got to know each other in a more biblical sense? Don’t mind me, lads, he pictured himself saying. Carry on. The Terror’s just gone and slaughtered a Vulcan science ship, so I’ll be grand for a few another few hours at least. Y’need any water?

With reassurances from Missy that he could leave as soon as his assessment of this Roger fella deemed him safe for Bonnie to be alone in his company with, he relented and followed Bonnie to the coffee shop. Some hipster sounding place that he figured would be shut down within the year.

As they walked - or rather, as Bonnie marched ahead and left him trailing behind - he cupped a hand around his cigarette so he could light it properly. Muttering when it refused to catch, he tried his best to follow his friend along the busy street. The Autumn chill swept around his thighs, and he was reminded that he hadn’t exactly dressed for the weather, clad in an old rugby shirt and a pair of shorts that his sister, Aoife, declared “were a few inches away from being a glorified pair of budgie smugglers.” He liked the shorts, but the cold made him ache that little bit more for the warmth a hit of nicotine would give him. If he could only get the damn thing to light.

“Jesus feck,” he said, thumb slipping against the lighter until it finally caught. By that time, Bonnie had come face to face with her date and Rory watched with narrowed eyes as the man in question took one look at her inhaler and turned away.

Slowly raising his eyebrows, cigarette dangling gormlessly from his mouth, Rory stood where he was as the prick began walking his way. Without thinking too much, Rory inhaled and then blew out the Dante’s Peak of all cigarette smoke clouds. Roger walked right into it and immediately began spluttering out hacking coughs. He turned on Rory with hateful, watery eyes.

“Mate, what the hell?” he spat, in an accent that would have been enough to damage Rory’s opinion of him even if he hadn’t insulted his friend.

“Looks like you’ve got some trouble catchin’ your breath yourself, lad,” Rory said before cheerfully clapping the man on the shoulder and walking to catch up with Bonnie.

“Alright?” he asked her, knowing she was probably the opposite of alright but now that his services had been deemed unnecessary, he couldn’t help but think that Missy was far more equipped to deal with this part. Grimacing, he awkwardly placed a hand on Bonnie’s shoulder. “Bit of a waster, if you ask me.”

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: exactly Bonnie: welllllll maybe i did think you were kidding maybe i didn't think the hottest girl alive would let me ride her tongue have u ever considered that Bonnie: because i do want that like. btw. i also wanna see the lingerie Bonnie: WELL HEY NOW you literally introduced me to colin and his big bad sex boat so that's literally on you Bonnie: maybe we should all go to the sex boat for my bday

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: Ever had a mocha? Actually, scratch that. That’s just like hot chocolate but bad.

Ariadne: Um, because it’s your birthday and every other time I’ve brought it up you did an awkward

little wheezy laugh like you thought I was kidding and I had to fetch your inhaler?

Ariadne: But I bought new lingerie and as I mentioned before, it’s your birthday, so I would like to get up your skirt, darling.

Ariadne: Okay, admittedly, I spoke to Colin and I’m incredibly jealous you let him fuck you.

Ariadne: But no? Not to Missy or Rory.

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: but if i included hot chocolate it's literally like no competition? it has CHOCOLATE in it ari Bonnie: omg Bonnie: um like respectfully i want you to go down on me like.......... no matter what time of the year it is because you are the literal hottest woman i have ever met Bonnie: so like yeah Bonnie: in like. a really cool and casual way. Bonnie: why are you suddenly offering to go down on me have you talked to rory. or missy. or both of them.

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: You forgot to include hot chocolate, you heathen.

Ariadne: Well, obviously I got you an actual gift that’s both gorgeous and used up a good chunk of my wage.

Ariadne: But additionally, what if you let me go down on you? As a birthday treat to you, but also an early Halloween-stroke-Christmas present to me?

Ariadne: Throw Hanukkah in there somewhere.