bonniestewarts

[bonniestewarts]

↳INSTAGRAM: @bonniestew uploaded a photo:

your favorite sci-fi author just dropped a new sexy unhinged photoshoot. i’m in his front room dipping my kit kat chunky into his unfinished mug of tea. we are not the same

[bonniestewarts]

@bonniestew: sometimes you’re reminded just how hard someone fumbled a hotty… crazy scenes. ezra u are sooooo fine

↳INSTAGRAM: @ezrawalker uploaded a photo:

Visiting Olly at work.

[bonniestewarts]

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its educational

[bonniestewarts]

As far as Bonnie was concerned, the electric chair wasn’t nearly a harsh enough punishment for some men. Like, seriously? Asthma was an ick now? How much of an ick would he find it when he’s old and greying, dying alone and coughing up a lung while suffering alongside his own, putrid stench of misogyny? Then what, Roger? 

Rolling her eyes, she ignored the looks of mortification from a group of 70-something year-old socialites that had been trying to enjoy their overpriced coffees upon hearing her assessment of Pencil Dick McGee and turned her attention to Rory instead. Just in time, she caught the grand opening of what could only be considered a world class, cinematic masterpiece as Rory’s cigarette smoke engulfed her douchey tinder date, sending him spiraling into a coughing fit that could’ve rivalled Bonnie’s own. As an asthmatic, she probably should’ve disapproved of Rory’s dirty little habit, but it was playing in her favour around about now, and there was something obscenely sexy about her friend when he had a single cig propped between his lips, tongue darting out to catch it as he talked around the thing. Ariadne had once called it pretentious, but neither of them were in any place to judge the other when it came to their wildly questionable preferences. 

Mood positively lifted, Bonnie beamed across at Rory as he returned to her side, his witty quip hadn’t gone amiss, landing so masterfully that Roger looked as though he might burst into tears any second now. 

It could probably be noted that Bonnie can’t have been that into Roger if a quick takedown from Rory O’Sullivan of all people was all it had taken for her to be put off of the man. That said, Jenson had long been musing that maybe Bonnie was just addicted to the idea of somebody wanting her than the prospect of actually dating somebody. She couldn’t fault his logic. Rory, on the other hand, seemed unsure what to say to her, a look of discomfort suddenly replacing the smug smile he’d worn only moments before. 

Everything that Bonnie knew about her friend relied on the fact that he was decent in bed – Missy's summation, rather than her own – and horrible at ‘emotions and all that shite’ - an assessment he’d offered her himself, free of charge. It hadn’t ever bothered her before – she had a handful of friends she could turn to when she needed a shoulder to lean on – and she wasn’t about to let it bother her now. If anything, his awkward stature and look of unease was slightly amusing to Bonnie, and she wondered absently if she could use it in her favour - if only for entertainment purposes. 

With a loud, arguably too dramatic sigh, she shrugged his hand off from her shoulder, instead wrapping her own arm around his waist, pulling him in for a hug that she was sure he’d be cursing Roger out over for the rest of the day. Resting her chin against his shoulder, her face tucked away where he couldn’t see her, she found herself smirking as she released the whiniest, most petulant moan she could muster. 

“It’s not fair, Ror. Why doesn’t anybody wanna date me? I’m hot and insanely desirable,” she demanded, the smirk playing on her lips note even remotely well-matched to the tone she’d adopted. 

The truth was, this was a question she’d asked herself many times with a lot more sincerity, but she knew fine well that Rory O’Sullivan was the last person on Earth she’d find the answer with. There were days that Bonnie wasn’t even entirely sure her label of friend was reciprocated by the other man, and she sure as hell wasn’t expecting him to validate her self-indulgent claims, but that didn’t mean she didn’t wanna make him squirm. Just a little. 

Writing wasn’t the kind of career that brought with it a great deal of routine. Not that Rory particularly minded as he was a certified night owl, going to bed in the early am and not rising again until the sun was at its highest point in the sky. It also meant that the moments where he wasn’t sitting in his writing nook and frowning over a plot hole of his own making, it appeared to others that he was advertising his supposed ‘free time’ to be open for anyone to make a monopoly of.

Normally, this consisted of babysitting his agent’s kids on the days where Bonnie was allocated her own time off. Sometimes, he was in charge of the groceries, hubris prompting him to claim he didn’t need to take a list with him only to return from Trader Joe’s with half the items required and Alison shaking her head and muttering something under her breath about ‘weaponised incompetence’. In comparison, shadowing Bonnie on her date wasn’t as much of a chore. And yet-

“What d’you need me t’do it for?” he’d asked then flinched when Missy’s palm lightly collided with the back of his head.

“Because Kian and I are working and she’s a girl on a first date with a stranger,” the brunette explained, brown doe eyes fixated on him like she was a Disney princess talking to a very, very dumb cartoon deer.

He had narrowed his eyes at her, rubbing sorely at the back of his head despite it not having hurt at all.

“You can’t take the night off? S’not like another dinosaur’s goin’ t’go extinct,” he reasoned. This time, he managed to dodge the blow she sent his way. But then she began prodding him incessantly until he had no choice but to relent, understanding that tagging along with Bonnie for a little while was a fate much preferable to receiving a stern talking-to from Missy.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t care about the wellbeing of Bonnie. He’d been the one to indoctrinate her into their rag-tag little group of misfits after all, ever since he’d walked into the living room of his boss’ penthouse apartment, half-dressed in a pair of boxers, and found an amused-looking young woman standing there clad in a TARDIS sweatshirt. He had a lot of time for Bonnie and didn’t want her to get turned into a human Big Mac if her date turned out to be a creep, but he just wasn’t sure what he was meant to do. Sit and stare at them from across the coffeeshop like some sort of creep? And how long was he meant to stay there for? If they took things to the next level, was he meant to go along with them and sit in a corner of the room with a paperback while they got to know each other in a more biblical sense? Don’t mind me, lads, he pictured himself saying. Carry on. The Terror’s just gone and slaughtered a Vulcan science ship, so I’ll be grand for a few another few hours at least. Y’need any water?

With reassurances from Missy that he could leave as soon as his assessment of this Roger fella deemed him safe for Bonnie to be alone in his company with, he relented and followed Bonnie to the coffee shop. Some hipster sounding place that he figured would be shut down within the year.

As they walked - or rather, as Bonnie marched ahead and left him trailing behind - he cupped a hand around his cigarette so he could light it properly. Muttering when it refused to catch, he tried his best to follow his friend along the busy street. The Autumn chill swept around his thighs, and he was reminded that he hadn’t exactly dressed for the weather, clad in an old rugby shirt and a pair of shorts that his sister, Aoife, declared “were a few inches away from being a glorified pair of budgie smugglers.” He liked the shorts, but the cold made him ache that little bit more for the warmth a hit of nicotine would give him. If he could only get the damn thing to light.

“Jesus feck,” he said, thumb slipping against the lighter until it finally caught. By that time, Bonnie had come face to face with her date and Rory watched with narrowed eyes as the man in question took one look at her inhaler and turned away.

Slowly raising his eyebrows, cigarette dangling gormlessly from his mouth, Rory stood where he was as the prick began walking his way. Without thinking too much, Rory inhaled and then blew out the Dante’s Peak of all cigarette smoke clouds. Roger walked right into it and immediately began spluttering out hacking coughs. He turned on Rory with hateful, watery eyes.

“Mate, what the hell?” he spat, in an accent that would have been enough to damage Rory’s opinion of him even if he hadn’t insulted his friend.

“Looks like you’ve got some trouble catchin’ your breath yourself, lad,” Rory said before cheerfully clapping the man on the shoulder and walking to catch up with Bonnie.

“Alright?” he asked her, knowing she was probably the opposite of alright but now that his services had been deemed unnecessary, he couldn’t help but think that Missy was far more equipped to deal with this part. Grimacing, he awkwardly placed a hand on Bonnie’s shoulder. “Bit of a waster, if you ask me.”

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: exactly Bonnie: welllllll maybe i did think you were kidding maybe i didn't think the hottest girl alive would let me ride her tongue have u ever considered that Bonnie: because i do want that like. btw. i also wanna see the lingerie Bonnie: WELL HEY NOW you literally introduced me to colin and his big bad sex boat so that's literally on you Bonnie: maybe we should all go to the sex boat for my bday

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: Ever had a mocha? Actually, scratch that. That’s just like hot chocolate but bad.

Ariadne: Um, because it’s your birthday and every other time I’ve brought it up you did an awkward

little wheezy laugh like you thought I was kidding and I had to fetch your inhaler?

Ariadne: But I bought new lingerie and as I mentioned before, it’s your birthday, so I would like to get up your skirt, darling.

Ariadne: Okay, admittedly, I spoke to Colin and I’m incredibly jealous you let him fuck you.

Ariadne: But no? Not to Missy or Rory.

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: but if i included hot chocolate it's literally like no competition? it has CHOCOLATE in it ari Bonnie: omg Bonnie: um like respectfully i want you to go down on me like.......... no matter what time of the year it is because you are the literal hottest woman i have ever met Bonnie: so like yeah Bonnie: in like. a really cool and casual way. Bonnie: why are you suddenly offering to go down on me have you talked to rory. or missy. or both of them.

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: You forgot to include hot chocolate, you heathen.

Ariadne: Well, obviously I got you an actual gift that’s both gorgeous and used up a good chunk of my wage.

Ariadne: But additionally, what if you let me go down on you? As a birthday treat to you, but also an early Halloween-stroke-Christmas present to me?

Ariadne: Throw Hanukkah in there somewhere.

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: sorry a girl on hinge just called me clingy because i asked her if she preferred tea or coffee Bonnie: i may be projecting Bonnie: what idea omg tell meeeeeeeeee Bonnie: i would love 2 be humble but i love gifts

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: Don’t be stupid, baby. I’m hanging out with you because as well as being funny, smart and so extremely fun to drink with, you’re also ridiculously sexy.

Ariadne: I just like to be surrounded by sexy people, is that a crime?

Ariadne: Hey! I just had a great idea for your birthday present.

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: LOVE U Bonnie: honestly yea probably Bonnie: are people only hanging out with me for my hot friends Bonnie: on my literal birthday Bonnie: this is kind of hateful i'll be so real rn

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: Apologies.

Ariadne: Alright, touché, bitch.

Ariadne: Okay, but are your sexy friends coming out?

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: you can't just jumpscare me with all time low like that on my birthday babe Bonnie: that's like super fucked up Bonnie: silly name? okay btw how's dionysus

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: Fuck, you’re right.

Ariadne: I’m familiar, yes. I’ve seen an All Time Low music video before.

Ariadne: I assumed we’d be going out with your sexy Irish friend and the willowy girl with the nice bangs and silly name.

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: oh well i mean now u have to explain to them what i meant Bonnie: so actually that one's one YOU Bonnie: it's fine i didn't BREAK it i just don't have a pick. a plectrum? you know those lil triangle things that lil emo bitches used to wear on necklaces in the 9th grade Bonnie: uhhh I HOPE SO Bonnie: i literally don't even know what i'm doing for my birthday do we have plans? should we have plans?

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: I played it out loud. But just so you know, Kendra and Alex haven’t taught them about the concept of death yet. They still think their pet hamster went to live on a farm, so. That one’s on you, baby.

Ariadne: That angry little lesbian is gonna gut you.

Ariadne: Are we getting fucked up tonight? Please say yes!

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: oh i would hate to make u feel improper babe Bonnie: do they know i would die for them Bonnie: have you told them Bonnie: wait play this out loud Bonnie: [VOICE MEMO] "THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS DID YOU KNOW I WOULD DIE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!" Bonnie: [VOICE MEMO] "*loud out of tune strumming noise*" Bonnie: sorry i literally dont have an instrument so i just used a fork on one of maggie's guitars lmao

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: It pained me to text in improper sentences and with that amount of emojis, but I did it. For the meme, darling.

Ariadne: Okay, okay. Hold on.

Ariadne: [VOICE MEMO] “Hiiiiiiiiii, Bonnie! Ari-addie said it was your birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU - Carrie, you gotta join in!”

Ariadne: That crashing noise you heard at the end was Carrie accompanying with her toy tambourine.

Ariadne: Kendra is thinking Juilliard for her baby girl!

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Bonnie: u are just like shakespeare i think Bonnie: gbless i'm screenshotting this forever btw i think i'm in love with u Bonnie: where my GIRLS AT

TEXTING: BONNIE

Ariadne: HAPPY 🎊🎁FUCKING 🎂BIRTHDAY🍫 🎉 YOU SLUT! 😛MAY ALL 🙌🏼YOUR 💫WISHES✨ ⭐️🌟CUM TRUE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL 😍DAY

Ariadne: Now, wipe that from your memory because Carrie and Lea want to send you a voice memo to wish you a happy birthday. Apparently they like you more than me? Little bitches.

[bonniestewarts]

@bonniestew: THANK U WE LOOK SO HOT IN THIS PIC RORY @bonniestew: a+ curls i appreciate u breaking them out for the special occasion it's giving dapper!!!

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Happy birthday, Boston.

[bonniestewarts]

@bonniestew: @missymac omg so true? girlies u are so welcome it is an open invitation lets go!!!!!

@missymac: your birthday is so important that the moon literally invited her friend to come and crash your party, you are actually cosmic

[bonniestewarts]

@bonniestew: it is WORLD SPACE WEEK and also MY BIRTHDAY and also the earth currently has TWO MOONS. really makes u think doesn't it

[bonniestewarts]

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my friends are cute in a way that makes me feel fizzy

[bonniestewarts]

TEXTING: RORY Bonnie: idk like you're all talented and shit with you're writing and your sexy accent and pretty boy face and your big thighs Bonnie: and missy is all ethereal and shit like she's so pretty Bonnie: and kian is insanely hot, like biblically Bonnie: i'm like the tag along friend right the designated freak Bonnie: comedy value or whatever Bonnie: it's like literally not a big deal or anything i just know i'm not really the friend people hook up with lmao

TEXTING: BONNIE Rory: I actually don't know what you mean by that.