#She sacrificed herself??? For someone who made her feel like a human?????

[flying-cat]

I see stupid takes about bnha on Twitter and it makes me feel so smart ngl

[bhaalstemple]

i finished the game and veilguard was a disappointment lol

spoilers below

the way they butchered solas' character by just making him be led by the memory of mythal; no self-righteousness, savior complex, it was all done bc he wanted to honor mythal

why are the venatori worshipping elgar'nan and not a single elf. ????

how they made mythal far more important than lavellan to solas to the point for a moment i thought she was solas' ex (thank god it was clarified at the end she was only "solas' oldest friend")

the companions are so... lifeless. cheers to bellara for being the only one that feels like an actual human being and not an agglomeration of bad executed tropes (even if at the beginning she was)

the way mythal didn't end up being a villain, when she actively abused and groomed solas (and also morrigan btw) and it made all the sense in the world because she yearned for a reckoning and bring her revenge, a thing she has yearned for and been planning for a millennia because her anger is that strong... but no she just gave it up

the way morrigan's themes of parental abuse (breaking the cycle of abuse) go to shit after she embraced mythal's memories like.... as someone who has also an abusive mother that i broke contact with this made me want to fucking scream lol

morrigan's character also doesn't sound like her AT ALL, why is this woman smiling and being cocky, she's a scholar, a professional, a woman who carries knowledge that burdens her and trauma at the hands of a mother who should've cared for her. and how protective she was a kieran shows how private she is. what the hell. she would not be THAT friendly with strangers lol

and mythal being the only one who truly could change solas' mind at the end (just thinking abt it makes me want to punch a hole in the wall) + the anticlimactic departure of lavellan to the fade with solas is so fucking bad; because of the message it gives (this world is not worth-living for + a woman should spend the rest of her life and sacrificing herself for a man who put another random woman before her) and its joyless execution

if you get any other ending, the inquisitor doesn't even appear. lmfao. bye.

and lets not talk about the post-ending credits scene bc thats actually the thing that i hated the most. it makes all the themes and writing of bioware completely meaningless lol

the funny thing is that i have known for years where would bioware go with dragon age's story and 95% of my theories were correct, but me, someone who is not a writer, would've made a far more compelling story respecting dragon age's themes and nuance. i even predicted that mythal abused and groomed solas, but they executed it so badly that i can't believe these people get paid to write stories lmfao

i literally feel so betrayed, so hollow, so sad, i don't know what to do. i literally just uninstalled veilguard after finishing it. i spent 10 years imagining how the story would go, but id never imagine it would be THIS BAD.

the books, the content, so well-crafted, and so well-executed, just to make a stupid game that breaks all of its themes and leaves them meaningless. what the hell was happening in bioware when all the side-content has so much complexity and nuance (mostly tevinter nights), what happened lmao

[bluemoonscape]

Hear me out: Sua and Luka parallels.

In Ruler of My Heart, they're most directly compared and contrasted in this frame including both the real world and Mizi's perception. Here, they both look angelic, something other than human, greater than human due to their purity. They're framed by the moon, something only to be seen when shined on by another.

Both are treated in a manner that strikes the viewer as distinctly different from the other kids. They're all treated as less than human in different ways, but Sua and Luka are the ones specifically treated as dolls. Dolls to be played with, dolls to be moved limb by limb and joint by joint as its superior wishes. They're made to look perfect. They're made to look clean, so clean they look inhuman.

They're perfect narrative foils. Nigeh owns several pet humans who all have the same black hair, white bonnets and fluffy shirts. All girls, all a carbon copy of one another. Perhaps they're sisters, even? And if they're all sisters, there's no possible way they could have been born naturally.

This connects to the widely accepted theory of Luka being made in a lab, artificially rather than organically. They were quite possibly both born unnaturally and were raised to be just as unnatural. Both of them seem rather blank in Anakt Garden. Luka is very solemn and unanimated; the most alive he ever looks in Anakt Garden is at the scene of Hyunwoo's death after Luka presumably killed him. He may exist, but he is not alive. In a metaphorical sense, Luka's life is taken from him every day. His heart is literally under Heperu's constant control, to be stopped and started at will. He is a blank slate for Heperu to use for his own glory. The main change we see in him from his years in Anakt Garden to his time in Alien Stage is how he presents himself. In Anakt Garden, he's fairly meek and stoic. In Alien Stage, he's projecting the idol image the world wants to see from him, the one Heperu has conditioned him to display with nothing short of perfection. He is no more alive in Alien Stage than Anakt Garden simply because he's putting on an act. If anything, this lack of authenticity further deadens him.

Sua, though? Despite Sua's upbringing, she is alive when she and Mizi My Clematis together. She's quite possibly more alive than she's ever been. Just like Luka, she's been dressed in white, made to look like a doll, a blank slate, and yet she is anything but, and she proves it by quietly sacrificing herself for Mizi and (as another post put it) an insurance on Mizi's love. Sua could've ended up exactly like Luka. She could have been made to be the villain, the face of Alien Stage, the lifeless marionette. She could have been Luka, but she isn't. Why?

This scene. This scene is why.

I always took the pink tendrils reaching through the glass between them as a metaphor for Mizi's life and love pouring into Sua, putting life into her. Mizi is so vibrant, so alive, and she loves Sua, of all people. Lifeless, blank Sua, or so she thought. But Mizi saw the life in her. She saw her and she saw someone worth loving. Worth worshiping.

Sua was made alive the moment she saw Mizi. This is the moment her life began.

But then, why couldn't Hyuna's effect on Luka breathe life into him, too? Why couldn't Luka's arc diverge due to this love like Sua?

The thing is, Hyuna did make him feel alive. Just like Mizi, she was so full of life that it was impossible for him not to feel even a hint of something in her presence. Maybe she made him feel real, just for once in his life. Just for once.

But he warped Hyuna's love into something it wasn't.

He warped her love into something Hyuna had no intention of giving to anyone: Her life. Just once had to last, so he tried his hardest to hold onto her with a tight fist. When Hyunwoo threatened to come between Hyuna and Luka and take her life away from Luka, Luka, in some way, shape, or form, dealt with the threat. As I said, the most alive he ever looked in Anakt Garden was in the aftermath of Hyunwoo's death, and I believe this is because he thought he'd secured Hyuna's life for himself. Now my life is yours, and your life is mine.

It could've happened to Sua too, under different circumstances. Mizisua could've been just as twisted and toxic as Hyuluka. She could've fallen into the same mindset as Luka: Your life is mine.

She didn't. Instead, she had the awareness that Mizi wanted to give Sua her life, and she said no. With her death, she put Mizi's life back in her hands where it belonged and made her, as much as Mizi fought against it, live for herself. The difference in the way Sua sings Ruler of My Heart in her cover really highlights this. Opposite to Luka's cool, condescending control over the lyrics and the subject of the song, every word Sua sings is from her heart. Mizi is the ruler of her heart, and she does want to give everything to her out of pure, unconditional love.

Sua's love saved her. It elevated her not to something inhuman and unnatural (untouched by feeling) but to humanity.

Luka's love took whatever humanity he had left of him.

Sua is the moon under the sun's glow, and Luka is left in the dark.

[sephirthoughts]

Vincent’s lingering obsession with Lucrecia is excellent drama, but their story is not a doomed romance.

This is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think Lucrecia deserves nearly as much pity and excusing of her actions as she gets. This is not character-hate post, it's an analysis of a character I think gets short shrift as a Mother-Mary in a bell jar, and deserves better.

Lucrecia is morally grey. Charcoal grey. I love complex, morally grey characters, particularly when they're women, since usually women are relegated to roles that infantilize and objectify them, particularly in video games, which have historically been a very backward, androcentric medium. I strongly dislike brainless victims, subject to the whims of the male characters, without much agency, and Lucrecia was not such a character.

Lucrecia was an adult with agency and brains. She was a grown ass adult. She was a brilliant scientist. She made decisions with her eyes open, and even sacrificed her unborn child to her work. She is a very interesting character. The fact that she didn't idolize motherhood as the end-all of female existence, and that her obsession with her work was stronger than her desire to be a 'good mother' makes her far more interesting than otherwise. The fact that she regretted it later and wanted him back doesn’t magically make her a good person, or change the choices she made. It demonstrates guilt and remorse, which are part of character development. The bottom line is that she committed atrocities in the name of science, then felt guilty about it later, once she realized how devastating the consequences were to her personally. To say she didn’t know what she was doing or Hojo manipulated or controlled her is to infantilize and disrespect her character. She’s not some sacrificial angel who was a victim of circumstances; she was a willing participant in her own downfall.

Lucrecia is a tragic character, but she's not a romantic lead. Except in Vincent's head. After all was said and done, she had one of those too-late changes of heart that make tragedy so emotionally impactful. She had a human reaction to Vincent's death and felt terribly guilty for her role in all of it, as she should. That doesn't mean she loved him, it means she wasn't a monster. She lost her son, and gradually, Hojo's callous inhumanity and her inability to escape the net she wove with her own hands closed in on her. Did she deserve to never hold her baby son and never see him even once? No. But she caused it, with her own actions. That's tragedy. She was miserable, bereft, and riddled with guilt, so she made a last-ditch effort to make something right...by doing more insane science shit that turned Vincent into a monster. Seeing that she'd only made everything worse, she tried to kill herself, but was unable to, and thus ran off to become a crystal statue in a cave (this is a trope that I dislike, but that's the story, so that's what we've got).

Vincent is a bad judge of the circumstances. Vincent persists in seeing her as a lost love, and someone from whom he was unjustly separated by circumstances. The fact that he is so blinded by his feelings for her that he places her on this pedestal and can't blame her for what she did is excellent characterization, and I love it, but it's because he’s wrong. He loved her. She didn’t love him (I think she was in love with his father, but that's just icing on the tragedy cake, at this point). His lingering attachment, not to the real Lucrecia, but to the idealized version of her he has in his mind, is a very sad reality that adds so much delicious pain to his character. In the end, he is unable to blame her, because he loved his image of her (and Hojo is a way easier target for anger, because he's literally the worst), which speaks far more to his personal bias in the situation than to her actual role in it. She’s not moustache-twirlingly evil like Hojo but she’s not Vincent's star cross'd soul mate tragically torn away by cruel fate. Lucrecia was her own person.

In summation. Their story is not a doomed romance, it's a complicated, messy, ugly tangle of thorns, and one of the best written tragedies in a game that literally bleeds tragedy from every orifice. It's got one-sided love, obsession, mad science, betrayal, jealousy, fetal experimentation, murder, corpse reanimation, and a guy who can't die, and is left to deal with the consequences of everyone else's actions by himself forever. No one is innocent and no one comes out unscathed…strike that. Vincent is innocent and Hojo comes out unscathed. But still. Lucrecia is not a holy mother, she's not a brainless victim, and she's not Vincent's lost love. She's a person he loved, and who didn't reciprocate. Most importantly, she's a person. A whole-ass, complex, morally grey, fully developed person, who made terrible choices, then made even worse choices, and in the end, couldn't escape the fate she wove for herself.

And then wound up encased in crystal so she could be a pretty statue forever cause the game devs just couldn't help themselves I guess.

[thesoftestmess]

Thinking about focalors saying furina's humanity is what made her perfect, but sending her on a 500 years long quest where she had to divorce herself from her humanness every single day anew.

Furina having to keep up a show of distance to humanity and having to put herself above her fellow humans, while encouraging Neuvillette, who has never been human, to mingle with them and learn to understand them.

Focalors inviting Neuvillette into the palais and knowing damn well something as strong as Furina's love and care for humans will inevitably rub off on him and there's nothing he could do about it.

Focalors loving and admiring humanity so much that she trusted herself, her human form, enough that not even a mighty ancient dragon could exist for centuries next to Furina's deeply kind and compassionate heart and be immune to it.

It wasn't only time that made Neuvillette unable to declare fontainians guilty after everything. It undoubtedly was also his Lady Furina meeting personally with her citizens, throwing big social banquets on her birthdays and visiting the sick and elderly in their homes.

Caring about the young and the old, remembering their names and bloodlines and their countless life stories.

There's something so special about the theme of humanness between Furina and Neuvillette and how it binds them together not just by fate, but by heart.

There's something special about him spending 500 years by the side of a human unknowingly, and it inevitably turning him into their ally, while Furina has no idea she's making it happen.

Loving humans comes naturally to her and this part of her could never be drowned out, not even by a painfully lonely and straining act of authority and godship.

There's something so heartbroken in Neuvillette's voice when he learns about her sacrifice and really, how could he ever declare humanity guilty for their mere existence when Furina was by his side sacrificing everything and then some for them for four centuries, regardless of how they treated or talked about her?

How could he ever leave her and her people to a doomed fate?

And a part of Furina telling him to get out and mingle with humans feels like she was saying "I know you don't like me much as an archon, but you would've loved me as a human" and she's right.

The moment she drops the act and moves out and goes on her very own healing journey, he falls hard.

Once the heavy presence of fate between them evaporates, he sees her clearly for the first time ever and what he sees is the very best of humanity. One of humanity's kindest and strongest and most determined.

So fragile and exhausted and half-ill from mental torment. Someone who certainly deserves the praises offered to a god, but who wears her human skin so much better.

Wears her heart on her sleeve, just like all her insecurities and flaws.

There's no act, no big secret, no impending doom hanging over their heads now, but she's further from Neuvillette's side than she's ever been and it makes him yearn for her in a way he doesn't know is utterly human.

And she's lying awake with the very same feeling.

[oosa3x]

secret moments (rd3)

prologue

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁⋆.˚✮˚.⋆. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

pairing: ruben dias x f!celebrity!reader

warning(s): language, mentions of stalkers, anxiety + emotional stress, feelings of isolation word count: 3,038

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As the sleek, black SUV glided to a smooth stop, Y/N ran her fingers on the edge of her dress, the fabric soft to the touch. She glances quickly at her phone, right on time.

It’s always like this—the split second of calm that comes before the storm. The instant her head of security, Mark, opens the door, the world erupts into chaos. Cameras flash in rapid succession, each one capturing every single frame of her movements, from a hundred different angles. She steps out, a practiced smile tugging on her lips, not quite reaching her eyes.

She takes in a breath, letting the cool, Manchester night air fill her lungs as she straightens up, the clicking of her heels against the pavement blending in with the click, click, click of the cameras. The noise around her is deafening, a garbled mix of questions, calls of her name, and orders from her security asking everyone to take a step back. It’s overwhelming, yet achingly familiar—this is the life she once dreamed of, no, begged for. From the moment she pleaded with her parents to enroll her in that theater camp all those years ago, she knew she was destined for fame, craving the adoration of fans and the recognition that comes with being a household name. How could she not be famous? Every music teacher had told her she sang like an angel. 'With a voice like that,' they’d say, 'how could you not have a slew of adoring fans?’

And here it was, that fame, blinding her with camera flashes—the often harsh reality of never finding a moment of solitude or peace.

Yet even with its occasional dark underbelly, she loved the life fame had given her far more than she resented it. She loved the art, the work, the human connection. She cherished the way she made people feel—seen, understood, and less alone. How could she not love this job when she’d just been cast in her dream role? 

The stalkers, the threats on your life,  a voice whispered in her mind, the one she tried to silence every single day in her quest for some semblance of normalcy amidst her stratospheric amount of fame. 

She had everything she ever wanted—fame, fortune, admiration—but at what cost? The weight of the spotlight was suffocating, the constant scrutiny exhausting. The thrill of performing on stage, of becoming someone else on screen, was often overshadowed by the gnawing fear that her carefully constructed world could crumble with a single misstep. One slip, one unguarded moment, and the sense of security she clung to, could crack, leaving her vulnerable to the dangers that always seemed to lurk at the edge of her fame.

But she couldn't think about that now. Not tonight. Not when she’d just arrived to this new city, her new home for the next year. Not when she’d worked so hard to get to this point. She’d blistered her feet in character shoes, lost count of the times she’d cut her fingers changing guitar strings, and had done so many vocal warm-ups that they had become a language of their own in her vocabulary. She was thrust into the spotlight at 15, an age when most are just beginning to understand who they are and their place in the world. But while her childhood friends were navigating school and first loves, she was sacrificing sleep and missing important family milestones, trading school dances for long hours on set, in studios, and in board rooms with adults making decisions about her career. The normalcy and innocence of adolescence slipped away as she fiercely devoted herself to the relentless pursuit of perfection. She’d given up friendships that couldn’t withstand the demands of her career, missed countless holidays with loved ones, and shouldered the emotional burden of a life lived under constant scrutiny. 

So, she took the negatives of fame on the chin. She fell into her routine: “head held high, shoulders back, walk with purpose.” The dress she’s wearing—a custom piece, naturally—hugs her figure perfectly. The dress is the furthest thing from her mind, though, as she focused on putting one stilettoed foot in front of the other without losing her bearings due to the blinding glare of the camera flashes.

A few more steps and she’d be inside the up-scale restaurant having dinner with a powerful studio executive, his company footing a large part of the film’s budget. 

As the door closed behind them, sealing off the flashing lights and the relentless noise, she took in the setting of the restaurant. The quiet chatter, the dim lighting, the rich scent of polished wood and expensive food—it was almost enough to make her forget the chaos outside. Almost.

Mark stepped back, giving her space but staying within reach. He was a constant presence in her life, one of the few people she trusted wholeheartedly. "Do you need a minute alone? I could clear out that hallway over there, if you need me to." he asked, his voice low, just for her.

She shook her head. "No. I’m fine, but thank you. I kind of just want to get started." Her voice was steady, but she knew he could see through the mask. He always could. He’s been working for her pretty much from the moment she was thrust into the spotlight. Her rise to fame was as swift as it was overwhelming, making the need for security an immediate necessity. He nodded, respecting her need to push forward, but his eyes lingered on her a moment longer, silently conveying his concern.  She straightened up again, squaring her shoulders as if she could physically push the weight of the world off them.

Together, they walked further into the restaurant. As they moved through the main floor, the soft murmur of conversation began to die down, replaced by the subtle rustling of patrons shifting in their seats. Eyes followed her every step, awe flickering in their gazes. Some tried to be subtle, but she caught the movements from the corner of her eye—an instinct she’d honed over the last twelve years of being in the spotlight. Phones slowly lifted, camera apps discreetly launched, as they seized the opportunity to capture the moment.

Mark walked ahead, his broad frame cutting a path through the dimly lit space, while Eric, a second bodyguard, stayed a step behind her, his watchful eyes scanning the room, making sure no one got too close. The atmosphere buzzed with whispers, fragments of her name slipping through the hushed conversations.

The hostess—who looked about one breath away from hyperventilating, tears brimming her eyes—led them to a private dining room at the back. As the door closed behind them, sealing off the public’s eager eyes, the tension in her shoulders eased just slightly, but the weight of their expectations lingered in the air. Her publicist and manager were already seated at the table, deep in conversation with the studio executive. The moment she entered, all eyes turned to her.

Her publicist, Raquel, a woman with an impeccable sense of style, stood first. "There she is," she said with a warm smile, moving to greet her. "You look absolutely amazing, as always, my dear.”

Her manager, Claudia, a calm, steady presence who had guided her through everything, also stood up to give her a quick hug. "Right on time," she said, her tone as measured as ever. "Everything go smoothly outside?”

She returned the smiles, though hers was softer, more controlled. "As smoothly as it ever does." She accepted the brief hug from both her publicist and her manager before turning to the studio executive.

The executive stood as she approached, extending a hand with a smile that was all business. "Miss L/N, it’s a pleasure to see you again," he said smoothly. "Thank you for making the time."

"Of course," she replied, taking his hand and then sliding into the chair opposite him. "I’m looking forward to hearing more about the project."

The executive waved a hand, and the hostess quickly poured wine into the glasses before retreating, leaving them alone. He raised his glass in a small toast. "To what I’m sure will be an amazing collaboration."

She mirrored his action, the cool glass against her fingers grounding her slightly. "To new beginnings."

Her publicist and manager joined in the toast, their faces reflecting the mix of optimism and caution that came with every new project. The executive took a sip, then set his glass down, his demeanor shifting slightly as he leaned forward.

"We’re thrilled to have you on board. This role... it’s going to be a game-changer for you. The script is incredible, the director’s a genius, and we’re pulling out all the stops to promote this film."

She nodded, her face calm, but inside, her mind was already running through the list of demands this project would make of her. The hours on set, the press tours, the interviews—each one a small battle in the war to stay on top, to remain the ‘it girl’. "I’m excited to dive in. I’ve been waiting for a role like this."

Her manager, ever the practical one, leaned forward slightly. "We’ve reviewed the schedule, and it’s tight, but it’s manageable. We’ll need to coordinate closely, especially with the promotional commitments. Don’t worry, you’ll also get moments of peace in between."

Her publicist added, "There’s a lot of buzz already. We need to be strategic about your appearances, make sure we’re maximizing the exposure without burning you out."

The executive smiled, clearly pleased with their input. "We’re all on the same page here. This film is going to be huge."

She took another sip of wine, savoring the brief moment of silence. The praise was flattering, but it was also a reminder of the constant pressure to deliver, to be perfect.

The executive continued, his tone more serious now. "I won’t lie, though you’ll still have a few breaks in filming, this is going to be demanding. The director is known for pushing his actors to their limits, and we’ll need you fully committed. But if anyone can handle it, it’s you."

She met his gaze, the smile never leaving her face. "I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge. I’m ready to give it everything I’ve got."

Her publicist glanced at her, then at the executive. "We’ll make sure she’s prepared. And of course, we’ll coordinate with your team to ensure everything goes smoothly."

Her manager nodded. "You all made the right choice choosing Y/N. She is more than ready for this."

The executive nodded, seemingly satisfied. "That’s exactly what I wanted to hear." He leaned back in his chair, a more relaxed smile crossing his face. "Let’s talk specifics, then. I want to make sure you have everything you need to succeed."

As they delved into the details of the project—locations, timelines, marketing strategies—she listened carefully, her mind a careful balance of focus and detachment. She knew this was important, that this film could be a turning point in her career, but she couldn’t help the small voice in the back of her mind that whispered of exhaustion, of the toll this life took on her.

But she silenced it, as she always did. She had worked too hard to let doubt creep in now. This was her dream, and she had worked incredibly hard to make it her reality.

Her publicist leaned in, breaking the flow of technical discussions with a smile. "You know, there’s something special about this project. I can feel it."

Her manager nodded, a rare sparkle of enthusiasm in his usually measured demeanor. "It’s the perfect blend—challenging but rewarding. I think you’re going to surprise even yourself with what you achieve here."

She let their words wash over her, allowing herself to believe them for a moment. Maybe they were right. Maybe this was the role that would not only challenge her but would elevate her to new heights. The thought sent a flicker of excitement through her, a reminder of why she had fought so hard to get here in the first place.

As the meeting wrapped up and they all stood to leave, she looked around at the faces of the people she trusted most. "We’re going to make this something unforgettable," she said, and this time, her smile wasn’t just for show.

But as they prepared to exit the private dining room, her eyes drifted across the restaurant. At a nearby table, she noticed a young couple sitting close, their hands intertwined, looking at each other like the other had hung the stars. The woman laughed softly, her partner brushing a lock of hair behind her ear with a tenderness that made her chest tighten.

She turned away quickly, focusing on the path ahead instead. The couple’s easy affection stirred something in her, a longing she rarely allowed herself to acknowledge. Despite all the success, all the admiration, there was a gnawing emptiness that no amount of fame or money could fill. The men she met were captivated by the image, the glamor, the persona she projected. But none of them really took the chance to know her—the real her, beyond the red carpets and the rehearsed smiles. 

For so long, she had been nothing more than arm candy, a trophy on the arm of powerful men who loved the idea of her but not the reality. They were enamored by her beauty, but quickly intimidated by her fame. Most of them were quick to back away when the cameras weren’t rolling, when they realized that the woman behind the flashing lights was more than just a pretty face. They were drawn to the allure of dating a superstar but recoiled when the reality of her life became too overwhelming.

And those who didn’t run? They were the ones who tried to diminish her, to make her feel small so they could feel bigger. The musicians who thought themselves superior because they didn’t make “pop music.” They treated her like a guilty pleasure, something to enjoy in private but never proudly claim. Their words, cloaked in playful jabs and condescension, had a way of cutting deep, making her feel inferior for the very thing that had brought her so much success in the first place.

She could still hear the echoes of their backhanded compliments, the subtle digs at her craft, and the way they’d say “pop star” sneeringly. They’d smile and tell her she was talented, but there was always that lingering undertone—that she wasn’t quite serious enough, not quite respectable enough to be considered their equal, despite her countless prestigious awards and record-breaking achievements. It left her questioning herself, wondering if the world saw her the same way they did.

The fame, the fortune—it was a double-edged sword. It brought her everything she thought she wanted but took away the one thing she needed most: genuine connection. She had grown tired of the men who saw her as a status symbol, who were either emasculated by her success or secretly resented it. None of them had ever seen her for who she really was, the woman beneath the glitz and the glamor, the one who craved love as deeply and earnestly as anyone else.

The woman who adored dad jokes and bad puns. The one who could watch Clue and The First Wives Club more times than she’d ever admit. They didn’t know about her love for the smell of rain on asphalt or the way she insisted on playing “Neon Moon” as her first song every time she took the stage at karaoke nights. They didn’t see how much joy she found in making children laugh or how deeply she cherished the “-ber” months. The woman whose parents nurtured her boundless curiosity, encouraging her to become a walking encyclopedia.

They couldn’t grasp how deeply her heart yearned for genuine connection, how she longed for someone to hold her—not for the image she projected to the world, but for the woman she was in those quiet moments alone at night. Beneath the polished exterior, she was kind, funny, and deeply compassionate, with a fierce love for her family and an unwavering determination to keep moving forward, despite the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was more than just a star—she was a person, craving something real.

And as she watched that couple, so lost in each other, a pang of longing struck her. She yearned for that kind of love—the kind that wasn’t tainted by envy or insecurity, the kind that didn’t wilt under the glare of her fame. A love that was simple and true, where she could just be herself, not the persona the world expected her to be.

She straightened her posture, pushing the thought away as they reached the door. She couldn’t afford to dwell on it, not tonight. But as she stepped back into the night, the brief glimpse of that couple lingered in her mind, a reminder that there were still parts of her life that even her relentless drive and success couldn’t fully satisfy.

Meanwhile, just a few blocks away from the city center, a Portuguese defender was winding down for the evening. After a light meal and some stretching exercises, he stood by the window of his apartment, looking out over the quiet city below. Tomorrow was match day, and his routine was precise—early to bed, clear-minded, focused. The game was his world, and it required everything from him.

As he set his alarm and turned off the lights, his thoughts were already on the pitch, on the plays he would execute, the goals he would defend. In the solitude of his room, there was no need for the public persona he wore so effortlessly. Here, he was just a man preparing to do what he did best.

Unbeknownst to both of them, their worlds, so different yet on a slow and steady path to intersection, would soon collide in ways neither could have predicted.

As the cameras flashed once more, she couldn’t help but wonder—would there ever be someone who could see past the spotlight to the person she really was?

━━━━━━☆━━━━━━━━━━━━☆━━━━━

author's note: i am so excited for y'all to read "secret moments"

i've been wanting to write something like this since 2022.

also, i feel it’s worth mentioning that i am american. i only say this bc i might subconsciously use american sayings without realizing i am because that’s what i grew up saying lol. i also want to point out that because i am from california, i'm on a different timezone than most people that post on ruben's tag so i might answer things in my asks kinda late but i will always try my best to answer in a timely manner!

anyway, enough rambling! i really hope y'all like this ◡̈

-mars

[banamine-bananime]

meets an encouraging, patient, fatherly commanding officer that chooses tucker specifically for an assignment and takes him under his wing. he’s actually a secret operative for a sinister military project recruiting tucker as a target practice guinea pig orchestrating the next couple years of his life to be a lie.

meets an alien that tells tucker he’ll help him fulfill the quest he’s the legendary hero of. he chestbursts him and steals a getaway vehicle given upon the “end” of the quest.

meets some weird computer program programmed by the culture the prophecy came from, pretty much the only remaining source of information about this “quest” that’s upended his life. it’s actually the ai of the freelancer trying to kill him and kidnap and use his kid to end the great war… uh, with slavery of the alien species

meets one of his best friends, an acquired taste and kind of an ass, but they give each other as good as they get and they’re a team. she leaves them to make the plan to capture junior and use him to enslave his species succeed. and tucker feels like can’t even be mad about it without feeling guilty because in her mind she was sacrificing herself and junior to save humankind from a losing war for survival, and immediately after he thinks she fucking dies and takes his kid with her!! they were friends and then for a few minutes they were almost enemies because she did the worst thing for the best reasons and then that’s it!!! how do you even grieve and process that. apparently tucker opted for watching reservoir dogs instead of therapy and i can’t blame him. that’s not the sort of grief you can find a self-help book for. HELLO I’VE BEEN SCREAMING FOR YEARS. never over it they make me insane.

meet some humans on the desert dig-team, charismatic down-to-earth soldier guys. breath of fresh air after he’s been stuck for months in complicated political situations with a species that has just recently decided to perhaps not kill all humans, as a reluctant religious figurehead in diplomatic corps that i’m sure just loved his way with words and women. bet he made a lot of friends there. the dig team kills them all except him and he proceeds to spend the next months in a psychological thriller slash survival horror.

meet church again. church leaves again (and then again) and tucker’s left furiously picking up the pieces of blue team with caboose and some blond guy they rescued from the pound. we needn’t talk about that blond guy and whether tucker knows he both set up and hit the Original Church Killswitch lest tucker doesn’t know and hears us because i think he doesn’t need that extra complication in his life tbqh.

meets a charismatic mercenary with a rough exterior, but a heart of gold, right when tucker and caboose have lost all of blue team’s charismatic mercenaries and/or assholes with a rough exterior but a heart of gold. he. well. he stabs him in the back, guys. you know. i can’t get more on-the-nose than that.

meets church again. he seems like maybe he kind of gets that he was an ass and won’t go off killing himself this time. immediately after reconciling he sees the siren call of martyrdom and kills himself instantly after simulating several ways it could go very, very extremely badly for tucker, not even counting the previous evidence from how this went for some blond guy (sorry i’m committed to just calling him some blond guy in this post now for no reason except that i think it’s a mildly funny bit).

meets church someone else who’s been fucked over by project freelancer. he’s been manipulating them to get close enough to freezermurder their friends and implicate them in terrorism charges.

meets yet another young stray asshole with Issues and a heart of gold who needs some guidance, maybe someone he can be the kind of a leader he wishes he could have been to green team. she also stabs him again.

at some point we have to let tucker just start stabbing people. like a lot of people. i don’t think he’d enjoy a villain arc once he realizes that’s what’s happening but he deserves the sheer free joy and clarity of just solving problems with pure simple stabbing before he comes to that realization.

[electronix-arts]

i have the urge to ramble so why not ramble about murder drones

i have many fears over episode 8, my biggest one being is that everyone is going to fucking die, and since im now considered the khan guy, why not talk about him (THIS IS SO LONG HOLY FUCKING SHIT)

ok so funnily enough, im prepared if he does drop dead in ep 8. people have teased me going “oh lol what if khan dies in ep 8” but little do you all know ive been prepared since ep 7 dropped, my wife has improved so much he’s bound to be sniped by liam. i’d be upset as hell and act like a wife who lost her husband at sea but i would not be too surprised if he is killed off

before it was confirmed ep 8 is the series finale, i was a s2 believer and i held onto hope that they wouldn’t kill khan because it’d make his character feel worthless. you see this man improve so much to be a better father to uzi and grow a pair to actually do something; to me, him dying would have made all of that useless, the hypothetical season 2 could have grown his character more if he lived, hell, maybe even show flashbacks of him during his ‘kill all humans’ phase. ep 7 shows khan has nowhere to go but up (or go insane, like the ep 8 teaser showed us)

but since season 2 is not real, i have to accept the fact that yeah, khan might die. so instead of being upset over that, why not speculate how he’ll fuckin die even though him being in the teaser looking batshit insane makes me think he’ll be a survivor. look at him. he will live off of pure adrenaline. anyways.

it’d 100% be a sacrifice, his apology for everything he’s done (which i fucking HATE i wanted him to grow more to become more redeemable to others not [death = hooray your sins are mostly forgiven] but i just gotta suck it up for now)

it’d definitely be for uzi or nori, make sense if he sacrificed himself for both of them [“Turns out, I’m not who either of you needed”] buuut i think it’d be more uzi focused. he was the one who raised her for the entirety of her life, actually tried to become better and changed his main focus to her and tried to help whenever he could after that, he would take a hypothetical bullet for her. it could even parallel to pilot when he left her for dead, now he’s the one dying and telling uzi to leave him so she can save herself and the others (it could even reference heartbeat where she thought he actually died, i don’t know how they’d do it, but yeah. i like that scene in heartbeat, i enjoy characters i love oh so much in severe pain.)

while i like this a lot, i would want khan to sacrifice himself for someone else more than his own wife and daughter. shocking, i know. i make my entire personality based off these idiots why wouldn’t i want a doorman family reuni-

n. if khan dies in ep 8, i want him to die sacrificing himself for n. i want n to be in horror at what has happened as khan is slowly dying in front of him, basically giving n his blessing to date uzi even though the entire planet is doomed.

it parallels nori’s disapproval of the relationship, shows that khan’s views on the dds (mainly n) have changed [killing machine -> bad influence on uzi -> someone who genuinely cares for her, someone who she needed] -and i guess nicely ties up the gift that is his redemption arc.

it makes sense for him to give said blessing, he’s seen how close uzi has gotten with n as well I’m pretty sure when he reunites with nori (plsplspls) after they calm down she’s definitely gonna be like “YOU LET OUR DAUGHTER “HANG OUT” WITH THE THINGS YOU SAW KILL ME” so that’d be fresh on his mind when he hypothetically drops dead.

also i’d feel like him sacrificing himself for uzi is like. too perfect or easily guessable, maybe they could hint “oh yeah khan’s def gonna die to save uzi & nori” when haha sike he’s dying to save the future son-in-law (if there is a future)

anyways that’s it. im bad at wrapping up things so here is what i call my conclusion. if you actually read this i love you so much you will be in my will

[mdhwrites]

You've said before how you feel about Luz abandoning the Isles when they needed her because she refused to try and fix it. I think it's said that she genuinely believed she would only make things worse so she thought she needed to take herself out of the way? Are my memories faulty?

Okay so I'm going to start with a scenario to make my point clear because you're not wrong... But you also are.

Let's say you're assigned two partners for a science project. You decide the best way to split the work up evenly is to have one person do the research, one person to write up the conclusions and one person to do a lot of math for the calculations you'll need. You each state your strengths with one saying writing, one saying research and the last saying, "I like math."

However, a week passes and you are struggling to finish any it because you've gotten none of those calculations for it back. When you push, the person goes, "Well sure, I like math but I suck at it. As such, my calculations would have been wrong. That would have caused you all problems so I decided the thing that made the most sense would be not to do anything at all." The project still needs to be done though and the majority of the work has been done for them. As such, now you and the second person have to work your ass off to do what your third member cannot while they contribute nothing but they promise they feel really bad about it and they're okay taking a C if this ends up making the project fail, even though their actions would have gotten them an F on their own.

Luz likes to make decisions. She essentially never consults ANYONE on what she should do and half the time someone tells her, "Don't do X," she goes ahead and does it. This also constantly gets other people in trouble and gets her in trouble because she is really bad at making decisions. And yes, with helping Belos free the Collector, she admits that she made a terrible mistake and that she makes a lot of mistakes. Her literal statement on this is that she'll finally listen to her mom and learn from her mistakes by staying in the Human Realm. Permanently.

Do you potentially notice a problem here though? Yeah, my thoughts have NEVER stopped at "Luz left a planet to die because she wanted to stay home." No. I always do mention that she claims part of her reasoning is because she makes stupid, rash decisions on her own that hurt others but then she goes ahead and makes a stupid, albeit with implied a LOT of thought, decision ON HER OWN that will hurt people.

Do you know a great way to avoid making a mistake? Asking someone else if it's the right choice to make. Or hey, just decide you don't need to lead anymore. If your decisions are the problem then let someone else make the decisions. But... Then Luz doesn't get to do the fun thing she likes to do. She actually has to listen to other people and maybe do things that aren't her number one option because her first choice would get people hurt. That isn't what Luz wants. Luz doesn't want to actually grow or learn or get scolded for her mistakes. Otherwise, she wouldn't CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING.

So instead... Why not just let them suffer the consequences while she stays home and lives in peace, her problems in a far off fantasy realm that she never has to think about again? People always like to say she's giving up so much but what is she actually giving up? The fantasy world? You mean the one that's currently ravaged by a child god and has a populace that she assumes will hate her? Yeah, that's hardly something to give up. The chance at friends? Too bad Thanks to Them shows people who are very interested in being her friend and also Yesterday's Lie showed there are people like Luz who would probably be willing to be her friend. What is Luz sacrificing by deciding to just sit at home with her loving mom and live a normal life?

So why grow? Why learn? Why try to do better? When you can do nothing. That's what Luz wants to do. She wants to just stay home and do nothing, even as that means condemning an entire world, bare minimum at least a continent, which includes her found family and friends, to death. Her claims of trying to do better are nothing but excuses so she can have a clear conscious as she allows thousands upon thousands to be enslaved and tortured.

So yes, she SAYS that she is doing this because she doesn't want to make things worse. The problem is that there are plenty of ways for her to still have even attempted to help without having to make the decisions she's afraid to make worse but those options would require more work and require her not to be the star. And none of this, even if this is the most expanded version of this point, is missing from those past blogs because they also talk about how she claims to have a problem making decisions and yet still makes this choice entirely on her own.

Because she isn't learning. She's just deciding that some broken puppets are a small price to pay to keep getting to do whatever she wants. It is an excuse, end of story. See you next tale.

======+++++======

Sorry for so many blogs about this. It's admittedly to me a very important point because it's the moment Lumity dies. It's the moment that Luz's character can never recover. It's the moment when the TOH fandom became genuinely horrifying when it comes to mental health as THANK GOD no one has tried to refute this with "She has depression" because yes, that will get you blocked if you try to tell me that. I am disabled by depression and I understand lives still matter. I understand I'm not supposed to lie, CONSTANTLY. I understand basic ass morality, unlike Luz. And in this moment, there's no turning back for her, let alone after For the Future when she doubles down on how selfish her desires are.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[spacerockfloater]

You know what?

I get it, ok? I understand the concept of Rhysand being a morally grey character. I understand that SJM wanted him to be an anti-hero of sorts. I would be totally okay with him doing everything that he did and standing by his actions if he simply said “The only thing that concerns me is myself, my circle and my people. I’m here to protect my interests first and everything else second. I am no hero, I am just someone who puts himself and his sphere first. I am a selfish person and I’m totally okay with that. I do not need anyone’s approval.” I still wouldn’t be his biggest fan, because I do not tend to admire self serving people, but I would totally understand him. In fact, I might have done the same thing. I guess you can never know for sure what your reaction to something would be unless you actually end up in that situation. I get that the average person would protect themselves (themselves = them and their loved ones) but I do believe that admiration should be saved for people who go against the norm. People who actually put their foot down, say no, protest, fight back, risk their lives, experience loss for a greater good. That’s why I admire Khalias, Tarquin, Helion, Tamlin etc. Because they stood up to Amarantha while knowing the consequences of their actions. I wouldn’t admire Rhysand, but I’d support him if he just owned up to his shit and said “Yup, I’m your average person, I don’t care if I come off as the bad guy!”.

But he does not! He wants everyone to applaud him and thank him and feel like they owe him and appreciate him and and and and… Jesus Christ man, you did the bare minimum and you did it all when you had nothing to lose! Thank you so much that you convinced that frigid bitch to murder two dozens of children instead of me and my family, of course I am now forever in your debt! Relax. You were able to talk Amarantha out of directly harming the other High Lords only after you harmed others to gain her favour and you saved the High Lords only because it served you better to keep them alive instead of some irrelevant children fae. I’m sure that your people should be thanking you because you did it all for them after all, but count me the fuck out of it.

Last but not least: ACOTAR Feyre was, obviously, a hero. She was a morally good character. She sacrificed herself for people she didn’t even know. I’m not gonna debate that. I actually loved her in the first book. However, I think she went through a drastic change after her metamorphosis. Her “human heart” is actually no longer human to say the least. I’m not even gonna elaborate on how she became this cruel, unforgiving person that only cared about how people treated her, or how disrespectful she is towards other people like Tarquin because Rhysand made her feel entitled to do so, or how she is responsible for the destruction of two courts that simply seemed like collateral damage if it meant that she would get her revenge on Tamlin. I’m simply going to say that logically speaking, since Feyre stands 100% besides Rhys and everything he did and supports him, she’s also a morally grey person AT BEST, though I do tend to think of both of them as villains because after all, the very definition of a villain is “someone defined by their acts of selfishness, evilness, arrogance, cruelty, and cunning” and like, come on, this screams Feysand.

The term morally grey is so overused. Someone who’s selfish and cunning and cares mostly about themselves is, at least partially, a bad person. A morally grey character is at least half a villain. When did we actually start to equate anti heros with heros?

[sapphoshands]

okay. as someone who went into the finale not wanting agatha to die, not expecting a positive agatha/rio reconciliation, and not wanting agatha to be redeemed… what could i change about the finale that i would actually like? because the more i think about it, the more i hate the execution but am okay-ish with the outcome. 

(nb this is assuming that the obvious sequel setup goes ahead. if this is the last we see of agatha’s story i will haunt kevin feige for the rest of his natural life and beyond.) 

obvs i do not have access to budget, schedule, other notes, etc. but if i’d come in to these scripts at script stage, this is what i would’ve changed.

ONE. give us more ghosts. a whole bunch of what i really hated here makes more sense if we assume that rio hates ghosts because they’re out of her control (arguably set up but not made explicit). are they souls that escaped rio? give us a ghost in the flashbacks, or another line about them in agatha’s trial. in which case agatha ‘sacrificing’ herself to rio becomes: agatha delivered billy to rio as promised. her vow ended there, not when rio reaped him. so by getting billy to surrender, agatha made it so rio was bound not to see agatha after she died… a loophole agatha could use to escape, again, and endear herself to the boy who can shove free-floating souls back into convenient bodies, making him more subservient to her story. i think we got quite close to this and if (WHEN) we get more story, this is likely to become somewhat explicit. but it needed a bit more on the screen. 

TWO. give us more agatha/rio. not just from a shippy perspective. i think we needed: more establishing of their relationship (why does death love agatha enough to contravene the natural order of things for her?). more work and play: what was it like when it was good (and so fucked up in so many matching-each-other’s-freak ways). more explanation of what it means that rio has been ‘pursuing’ agatha and making her life hell (is this just agatha lashing out?). and frankly, we needed more flashbacks that weren’t just about motherhood. the show did such a good job of presenting us a balanced agatha and then threw that ALL out the window. 

both of these notes, i suspect, were at some point on the page and then were sacrificed to budget or to plaza’s schedule. fuck u megalopolis. 

TWO POINT FIVE. also, i would’ve added at least one flashback kiss. not just because we deserve it. but because i do not love lesbian bed death kiss and having another kiss would’ve mitigated that a LOT. that said, i do appreciate that they made sure to have more than one queer kiss in the show, at least. 

THREE. move nicky closer to the modern day. i get that this was to establish the ballad as long ago as possible, but the idea that rio and agatha had like… a normal human lifespan of love and then nearly three centuries of antagonism… isn’t sold in the rest of the story. this is probably my most fanfic rather than functional note. but even a 1790s ballad would’ve given agatha a good long history and given them a much deeper relationship. 

??? the thing i don’t know how to square is the darkhold red herring. i don’t mind that agatha’s deep dark secret is that she couldn’t save her son in a quite simple human way. but this still feels like a flapping loose end rather than a purposeful misdirect. why did the darkhold shield agatha from rio? is that why she sought it out? why did rio come hunting for agatha in the first place? 

also: still not sure about agatha’s control over her power and how that was/wasn’t voluntary. a more minor point but it would’ve been interesting to have that teased out a bit more. 

things i do love: the ballad being agatha’s. the road being billy’s. everything about agatha harkness. everything. agatha harkness, ghost troll learning to love objects and appear through walls. a future of death chasing her undead lover?? the practical sets. so many wonderful witchy women. the queerness of it ALL.

so we’re really not in a terrible place to keep going. if we’d had more of agatha’s manipulations and more of the backstory, i would feel so much less like this show took a sharp pivot in its endgame and we still could’ve ended up more or less here. and going through this process makes me feel a bit better because i can see the promise now. but i definitely also see where we missed out.

[stewy]

i saw your tags about cameron being more similar to house than wilson and if you have any notes or explanations on that i'd love to hear them! cameron is such an interesting character and i feel like she's really not analyzed enough

she isn't! idk if it's because people simply forget the earlier seasons as they progress with the show, but they forget cameron is an actual character who is written as consistently as any other character in the show save for house himself. not liking her is one thing but to dismiss her as if she isn't one of the most important people in house's life when her love literally got him out of that building is. lol

cam and wilson have a lot of similarities: they’re self-sacrificing to a detrimental extent, they value social niceties and acts of kindness, caring and empathetic, multiple marriages, in love with a sewer rat, etc. but they sort of stop there. cameron is a strongly moral character; wilson’s morals are flexible to the point of being barely there. cameron won’t sacrifice her values for the sake of making anyone feel better; all that wilson cares about is making other people feel better, preferably to his own detriment. cameron is much more sensitive and emotionally driven than wilson imo, you can see her actively struggle to put her feelings in the backseat in pretty much every situation, while that seems to come as second nature to wilson (though cameron gets better at that through experience). but she is also much more stable and true to herself than wilson, who struggles with letting his true feelings show with anyone other than house (simply because he knows his friend won’t give a shit). you see house call cameron “pathetically sincere” and that’s something you’d never hear him say about wilson considering his pathology is that he loves Everybody, with no discrimination. i think their specialties also speak to their own personalities: wilson is an oncologist, all of his patients already have cancer and most likely will die from it; his job is to treat them but it’s also to make them feel better about their imminent fate. cameron is an immunologist, taking care of someone’s autoimmune system with the sole focus of getting them stronger. this is also their approach to house himself btw

house and cameron are two sides of the same coin. a lot of people would disagree with me & hugh laurie in saying that house is a strongly moral character, but he is. the difference between himself & cameron is that he doesn't care what people do with their lives. if someone wants to kill themselves after he's done treating them, that's their problem. even when she despised the patient, she couldn't dare to see them live in pain (informed consent) or to play god and kill them herself (the tyrant). they're both extremely sensitive, stubborn and closed off. isolating themselves to the point of making their significant others (stacy and chase) feel lonely in the relationship. they both often look insane to everyone else, but have an innate understanding of each other. cameron opened herself up to house in a way she could never do with chase because she saw him, and she was the only person he truly emotionally connected with other than wilson. she was bothered by his impersonality and he was bothered by her sensitivity, because she wore with pride something he thought made him (and other humans) lesser. they tried to bring characters like masters & adams (even park?) to act as foil to house but it didn't work because they lacked what cameron and house had: a relationship.

[frostfires-blog]

My Top 15 Favourite Anime (& Donghua) Female Characters 2024

[Before I get started, I'd like to point out that making this list was quite challenging considering I have watched quite a few anime. So please don't be too offended if any of your favourites aren't included; just because they aren't here doesn't automatically mean I dislike them. Feel free to leave your constructive thoughts and own lists in the comment section since I appreciate amicable discourse. Also, I decided to use the "keep reading" feature to make it easier to scroll through the long posts on my blog, so the official list is under the cut.]

-> Honourable Mentions:

-> My Top 15:

“If you’re helping someone and expecting something in return, you’re doing business not kindness.” Shirayuki is incredibly empathetic and emotionally aware as evidenced by her drive to ensure that the people around her feel cared for and supported. Even if it involves sacrificing her time and energy, she is always eager to help others. At times this is her greatest strength—as it enables her to build strong connections with others. However, on occasion, this trait makes it difficult for her to establish boundaries and prioritise her own needs.  This struggle is something I think we can all relate to.  I greatly admire her determination, optimism, compassion and resourcefulness. Her integrity, patience and consideration for others is something I aspire to emulate in daily life. Her passion for plants is something I have in common with her.

"I won't lose to myself!" Given that she has become somewhat of a meme in the fandom, I'm sure some of you may be surprised by this, but she was one of the first female anime characters I resonated with when I was young. Although she lacks presence in the overall series, her strong-willed and independent yet easy-going and relatable personality endeared her to me. Even in stressful situations, she is renowned for her diligence, discipline, practicality, and reliability. Her character serves as a tribute to the resilience of the human spirit as well as the value of perseverance and hard work. Her fear of failure sometimes causes her to doubt herself and her capabilities which highlights the struggle we all face with balancing our concerns and our obligations. Her fighting style and character design remain one of my absolute favourites, making me annoyed that Kishimoto didn’t do more with her character. Also, nejiten is my Roman Empire.

“This is a cruel world. And yet...so beautiful....” In all honesty, I'm still miffed by the ending of Attack on Titan, which had me contemplating whether to include her on this list, but I realised that would be petty and short-sighted. Mikasa was one of the first female characters I saw who not only stood with male characters on the battlefield but also outperformed them—which made me look up to her. Mikasa's greatest attributes are her inner strength and innate sense of responsibility to defend her loved ones and fight for justice, as well as her intense loyalty and devotion, especially to Eren. Aside from her strength and fortitude, she also possesses compassion and gentleness towards those she cares for—which I admire considering many female characters in shounen anime are pressured to sacrifice these qualities to be strong and respected.

“Why didn’t I try to get to know him better?” Since Frieren is the newest character on this list, I’m sure she’ll continue to grow on me in due time. As the protagonist of a show centred around the value of life, the importance of goodbyes and the passage of time; Frieren is an incredibly complex, multi-faceted character. Her journey to understand the depth of human relationships and emotions—after losing someone she failed to realise was important to her—is an incredibly touching and insightful one. Watching her experiences serves as an important lesson: to value every moment and to take the initiative to build connections with others—which is something I often struggle with. Frieren is best recognised for her composed demeanour. She demonstrates qualities such as an affinity for independence, a keen sense of introspection and a preference for logical reasoning—all of which allow her to serve as a voice of reason for their group. Her sharp mind and unrelenting curiosity propel her to continually expand the limits of her knowledge, enabling her to innovatively tackle challenges from a unique viewpoint—making her an engaging and dynamic character to watch.

“A-xian is my little brother…When others insult him it is no small matter to me.” While often overlooked due to her immense kindness and amiable personality—her determination, selflessness and fierce protectiveness of her loved ones are admirable. Although not a major character in MDZS, her influence over its more central characters is evident. Her lack of hesitance in sacrificing her life for her martial brother, Wei Wuxian—even though he unintentionally contributed to her husband’s death—endeared me to her. Her determination to rise above her difficult upbringing and grow into a caring, mature and reliable figure is praiseworthy along with her capacity to find common ground in seemingly immutable situations. Her character design ranks among my favourites as well and complements her personality well. She taught me that despite being in a society where one is harshly rebuked or pressurised it is important to stand firm in your beliefs and desires.

“If you must cling to something in order to yield, why not pick up that which you have tossed away and hold it in your hands anew?” While initially, she doesn't appear to be very noteworthy because of her limited role in the series, the brief time she gets presents her in a positive light and her backstory is notably well-developed even among more prominent side characters. Despite her reclusiveness; her compassion, forgiveness and humility are noteworthy—especially when contrasted with the majority of other Heavenly Officials. Given that characters like Xie Lian and Hua Cheng respect her, while Jun Wu and Pei Ming are cautious of her proves that her strength and significance should not be undervalued. Her ascension story—which earned her the moniker “The Princess Who Slit Her Throat”—is a prime example of her incredible selflessness as she willingly laid down her life to protect her family and country despite being ignored and mistreated for most of her life. She remains very grounded despite her status as the God of Rain and Agriculture and is always willing to help others, even if it means defying authority. She possesses no ill will towards those she has had disagreements with and doesn't hesitate to save them.

 "Even if it's a short life, burn hot and bright and overtake the moment. That's my way of life." Kagura is best known for her quick wit, tomboyish personality and fighting spirit which often manages to steal the spotlight in the Gintama series. She is an ardent and fierce fighter who doesn't hesitate to express her opinions. Beneath her brash exterior, she is compassionate and caring, frequently using her keen intuition and empathy when interacting with others. She often takes risks, facing challenges directly which can be seen as impulsive and abrasive—however, this behaviour stems from her need for control and security amidst a chaotic world. In a sense, we all struggle to assert ourselves in difficult situations and could benefit from approaching things with a little more of Kagura's zeal. Kagura also enjoys helping others and is incredibly devoted to the people she loves. She is also not afraid to voice her opinions or act when she sees someone in need. By virtue of her strength, humour, and charm, she has not only gained popularity among fans but also established herself as an iconic figure in the shounen genre.

"If you don't hold a rose carefully, you'll get pierced by its thorns." Tsukuyo is best known for her unique fighting style, sharp wit, caustic humour, and compelling backstory which has allowed her to become a fan favourite and a key part of many serious arcs in the series. In many respects, her design and backstory serve as a parallel to that of the protagonist—Gintoki—which adds to her depth. Furthermore, her name and personality are based on Tsukuyomi no Mikoto—the moon god in Shinto and Japanese mythology—accentuating the cool aesthetic of her design. Contrasting her rough exterior, Tsukuyo is shown to have a tender side, exhibiting an innate sense of empathy and sensitivity. Although her reserved attitude often conveys an impression of aloofness and distance, this is just how she processes things and expresses concern, which is something I can identify with.  Her most admirable quality is her strong sense of duty and loyalty towards her loved ones, as well as her inclination to prioritise the needs of others over her own. Although she struggles with insecurity and anxiety—leading her to hesitate and over-analyse—she is resolute in overcoming these issues when crucial matters are at stake, which is a valuable message.

“I once believed that the road of happiness continued forever and ever into the distance. When it was destroyed, I realized for the first time that it lies upon a thin sheet of glass. And just as we were saved, there were those whose happiness that haven't yet been destroyed. So, I wanted to get stronger and protect them.” Shinobu is a multifaceted and captivating character who stands out—even amongst Demon Slayer's eclectic cast—largely due to her distinct fighting style, striking design, tragic backstory as well as her nuanced personality and motivations. Shinobu's strongest assets are her insight, and compassion, which enable her to support those in need. She usually has a relaxed smile on her face and generally exhibits a bright, amiable, and joyful demeanour. However, it soon becomes apparent that this outward disposition is a façade masking her profound anger and relentless desire for vengeance. This dichotomy in her persona is foreshadowed by her conflicting roles in the series as a healer and a poisoner. Her desire to cater to those close to her is the primary motivation for her outward façade, which is primarily modelled after the mannerisms of her deceased older sister. Considering we all conceal certain parts of ourselves to appeal to others, this aspect of her character is very impactful and relatable. She also often struggles with feelings of inadequacy stemming from her physical limitations. However, she overcomes this obstacle by employing poison to kill demons, showcasing her resourcefulness, fortitude and tenacity. Although we all feel envious of the talents of others, Shinobu's character is a reminder that we all have our strengths and should face obstacles head-on never giving up on our objectives.

“Although our thoughts are changeable and difficult to understand, the actions we take don’t change, no matter how much time passes.” As a consequence of her seclusion in the Yamei Palace and her mystical abilities, Jusetsu is quite enigmatic and detached. While she is often perceived as haughty and aloof due to her bluntness, impatience and lack of social experience; she is shown to have a tender and vulnerable side. She possesses an inherent sense of justice and doesn't disregard those in need, even if they have offended her in the past, which is incredibly admirable. Although her position as the Raven Consort demands her to live alone, she quickly finds herself surrounded by people, leading her to feel guilty considering her deceased predecessor remained isolated. Her heart begins to soften as she lets others in, but she often struggles to comprehend others, causing her to inadvertently offend them—which is something that most of us can relate to. However, she is quick to mend things once she realises her misstep and comes to learn that it's necessary to confide in those who care about you. She frequently exhibits guilt about seeing her mother die, which leads her to feel that it's preferable to be by herself than to lose anyone else. Her struggles with guilt and constant introspection not only add to her complexity as a character but also make her very relatable. To a degree, we all worry that opening our hearts to others will result in us being irrevocably hurt but constantly have to take that risk to live a fulfilling life—thus making Jusetsu’s journey an incredibly empowering and compelling one.

“I'll definitely overtake you, and it'll be my turn to worry about you.” Misaki is best described as bright, diligent, pragmatic, and disciplined. As the student council president, she is committed to improving her school's reputation, even if it involves challenging the expectations of her male teachers and peers. Before Misaki's father abandoned their family, she was noticeably more tender-hearted and compassionate, but she subsequently developed a bias against males based on her conviction that they were inconsiderate and unreliable. She possesses a rigid sense of justice and sets high standards for herself and everyone around her. Consequently, she often struggles with her emotions, particularly when it comes to maintaining her composure when her private life is disrupted. Misaki is particularly embarrassed about her part-time position at a Maid Cafe, believing it contradicts her strong, uncompromising image, and consequently takes great effort to establish a rigid boundary between her public image and her private life by keeping this job hidden from others. Misaki's best quality is that she never veers off course and gives her all in everything she does, inspiring others in the process. Misaki exemplifies the value of resilience and diligence when it comes to achieving one's goals because, despite facing countless hurdles, she remains committed to her ideals. Conversely, she is overly self-sacrificing and frequently overworks herself due to her inability to trust others. Through the course of the series, she learns to accept her femininity and fragility while remaining assertive and self-sufficient. As she navigates her growing romantic feelings for Usui, she learns the value of having faith in others, as well as the significance of respect, communication, and acceptance in relationships. This process of self-discovery moulds Misaki into a multifaceted character who is exemplary and relatable.

“If history repeats itself, and moves in a circular path, then believing that whatever force is turning it is perfect, is all we can do as we move ahead. Pushed along by forces beyond our control, waiting, for the blade to be swung." Rukia’s best attributes are her altruism, modesty, strong moral compass and sense of duty. Her journey throughout the series centres around self-acceptance and belonging. Initially, she feels worthless and out of place yet longs to be recognised and accepted. Given that she finds it difficult to reach out to others, she never expresses these desires and lives a lonely life under continual strain. After meeting Ichigo and his friends, in the World of the Living, she begins to open up but quickly backtracks after she is taken back to the Soul Society to be executed. Despite enduring tremendous hardship, she never forsakes her ideals or blames anybody else—but instead faces and overcomes everything alone. This demonstrates her immense fortitude, resolve and integrity. Her strength lies in the fact that her heart never fluctuates. Upon the moment of her execution, she does not display fear or regret but is instead grateful for having lived an ample life. However, this is the turning point, as she is saved by Ichigo and is thereafter rewarded for her resolve and steadfast convictions. She finally alleviates herself of the guilt and grief she had been carrying by allowing herself to rely on others for emotional support. She can now confidently confront and overcome her greatest challenges because she is certain of who she is. In this way, Rukia's character serves as an example that no matter what you are faced with, your efforts will be recognised so long as you remain resolute and virtuous—which is incredibly commendable and compelling.

Her enduring and incomparable bond with the series’ protagonist, Ichigo is one of my favourite aspects of her character and the series as a whole. Throughout the story, she is a continual source of both physical and emotional strength for him. In several respects, Rukia's character is a parallel to his as she understands Ichigo's feelings better than anyone else considering she has gone through similar experiences. The quote "The rain drags the Black Sun down, but the rain is dried by the White Moon" perfectly encapsulates their dynamic—with Ichigo representing the former and Rukia representing the latter. Throughout the series, the rain is a potent metaphor for Ichigo's despair, while Rukia is constantly seen guiding and consoling him—effectively drying up “the rain”.  She acts as a "ray of light" for Ichigo—despite her problems—who in turn does the same for her. Rukia's symbolism as the "White Moon" also pertains to her technique—specifically her bankai, which transforms her into a veritable ice princess. This symbolism furthers her development, influence and prominence in the series.

"Before I question the gods, there are questions I should ask myself!" Yona's remarkable development from a pampered princess to a courageous warrior is precisely why she is one of the most recognised and respected shoujo heroines of all time. This development begins after her privileged and idyllic life in Hiryuu castle is upended when her beloved cousin, Soo-won, murders her father and seizes the throne. After witnessing this traumatising event, she is forced to flee the castle and is forced to adjust to a harsh and perilous life on the run. She is momentarily overcome with fear and denial thus depending entirely on her bodyguard and childhood friend Hak for protection and care. However, after recognising that the people who were sheltering her would suffer as a result of her incapacity, she began to pull herself together. Empowered by her newfound resolve, she and Hak journey across the kingdom in search of the legendary Dragon Warriors and through these fateful encounters, they cultivate a revitalized sense of purpose and camaraderie. It is on this journey that she begins to realise that her father’s pacifistic reign came at the cost of weakening their kingdom, leading to widespread strife and corruption. Her overwhelming guilt regarding her ignorance causes her to develop a genuine sense of responsibility towards her nation's people. With the support of her allies, she travels around the kingdom to improve the lives of the common people, having abandoned the prospect of revenge. Yona's fundamental strength is shown to derive from her emotional fortitude, compassion and capacity for forgiveness. Additionally, her adaptability, willingness to learn, and strong sense of conviction are all admirable. Although she continues to grow stronger throughout the series, she has always been incredibly kind and compassionate. She is inspiring because she demonstrates that true strength comes from within. It is her immense compassion that not only motivates her to protect her nation and change the lives of those around her but also draws people like Hak and the four dragon warriors to her. Her ability to forego her desire for vengeance in favour of forgiveness is not a show of weakness but is one of strength, selflessness and maturity. She realises that her desire for revenge is outweighed by the kingdom’s need for a radical and strong ruler like Soo-won —leading her to choose to work from the shadows to uplift the common people.

“It’s not always easy to see the good in people. In some people, you might even doubt that it’s there at all. But if you can somehow, find a way to believe…sometimes that’s all it takes to help someone, to give them the strength to find the good in themselves...” “No matter how cold it is now, spring will come again...” Tohru is best described as optimistic, hard-working, patient and open-minded. She is also modest, caring, and gentle-spirited. She constantly strives to seek out the good in everyone she encounters and is always willing to assist those in need—bearing no resentment against those who have harmed her. Her benevolent and amiable disposition effortlessly attracts people to her, making them feel accepted and valued, as demonstrated through her interactions with the zodiac members of the Sohma family. In comparison to the series' vast ensemble of colourful, quirky characters, Tohru is frequently perceived as being too perfectly kind and hence bland—nonetheless, this is completely misguided. In actuality, Tohru is equally as emotionally broken and thus the Sohma family heals her heart in the same way that she heals theirs. Her character is an exemplary subversion of the typical "kind-hearted" heroine given that she faces several genuine hardships that result from her gentle and charitable nature. She is not a perfect saint, but rather a girl who prioritises the struggles of others over her own as she attempts to find her place in the world. Her greatest strengths are her immense compassion, innate empathy and sincerity. Given that she expects nothing in exchange for helping others, her generosity does not originate from a position of entitlement, which is incredibly admirable. Tohru has a strong desire to be needed by others and thus often puts the needs of others before her own. She craves validation and assurance, hoping to be acknowledged as essential and irreplaceable to those around her. In response to the terrible treatment she received from her paternal relatives, Tohru has developed the notion that she might burden those around her, so she rarely expresses her desires. Consequently, she is inclined to internalise any unpleasant emotions and feelings rather than express them externally. However, as time passes, Tohru gradually learns to be more assertive and to accept help from others. Tohru's relationship with Kyo is another facet of her personality that I find endearing. Despite having similar backstories, they have developed divergent perspectives on life. Kyo finds it hard to recognise the positive in other people, while Tohru finds it hard to perceive anything negative in them. They strike a perfect equilibrium as he teaches her that being too unselfish and not sufficiently assertive is detrimental to her well-being, while she helps him realise that there is hope in trusting others. While Kyo is not the only one who sees through Tohru's façade, he is one of the only individuals who can help her face her issues as she becomes especially transparent around Kyo, confessing all her concerns and anxieties to him. Tohru demonstrates the power of forgiveness, love and friendship and exemplifies what it means to be a good person. Her journey towards overcoming her fears and attaining true happiness through strength and determination is heartwarming and inspiring. She embodies hope and compassion in a cruel and unfair world. Her growth demonstrates that being kind is not synonymous with being powerless or meek. She demonstrates that no one is completely perfect—that kindness is a choice rather than an innate gift, therefore we are all capable of making the effort to be kind and compassionate to others.

“If I should die, I'd want to die of poison.” Maomao's story is kickstarted when she is kidnapped and sent to the Imperial Palace as a maidservant. Maomao’s extensive knowledge of poisons and medicine, along with her aptitude for unravelling mysteries ensnare her into the intricate web of political intrigue despite her attempts to remain inconspicuous. She is mature, sharp-witted, composed, and pragmatic, in large part because she grasps her expendability in the Rear Palace. Being raised in the Red-Light District has shaped her into a resilient and adaptive person with a thorough awareness of society's complexities, which she uses to traverse the Rear Palace. Consequently, she has developed a highly practical and pessimistic mindset on life, centred around avoiding trouble and adjusting to her surroundings—which has enabled her to tolerate circumstances that many would deem traumatic or distressing.  Ironically, her insatiable curiosity, along with her strong sense of justice and empathy, frequently counterbalances her self-reservation; leading her to become involved in problems that affect others. Maomao is intrigued by poisons and medicinal plants, and she often investigates their effects on her own body. This passion is her primary motivation for her actions considering the mere prospect of savouring poison or studying a rare medicinal component kindles a fervent fire within her, resulting in a riveting shift in demeanour—which is naturally perceived as astonishing and insane by many characters, particularly the series' deuteragonist, Jinshi. Maomao’s name is derived from the onomatopoeia of a cat’s meow “貓” and fittingly she is often depicted with cat ears, which act as a visual metaphor for her ardent curiosity. This feline motif, combined with her proclivity for pushing herself into risky situations and her dangerous fascination with poisons, makes her the epitome of the phrase "curiosity killed the cat". Despite her exceptional competence and charisma, Maomao is not flawless; in fact, her flaws add to her appeal. Although Maomao's distrustful and inquisitive nature makes her an excellent detective, this same quality—coupled with her distorted yet starkly reliable perception of human connections—occasionally renders her socially inept. Maomao tends to shy away from forging strong, intimate bonds or attachments with other people, causing her to be wilfully oblivious of the obvious concern or affection others have for her, regardless of whether it is in a platonic, romantic, or professional capacity. Furthermore, she is sceptical about the notion of romance, feeling that it is more likely to cause ruination than to provide happiness. This scepticism and detachment are probably traumatic responses to being brought up in the red-light district, where someone's genuine affection alone does not guarantee that they will not discard you if needed.

Another aspect of Maomao’s character that I find intriguing is her dynamic with Jinshi which develops gradually and is multi-faceted due to their opposing traits, social statuses, and backgrounds. Despite her pretence of indifference, Maomao's actions—specifically her attentiveness and concern—gradually disclose her growing interest in him. Maomao's development demonstrates her progressively becoming less closed off emotionally as she processes the intricacies of her feelings. Similarly, Jinshi had no intention of growing attached to her—as he merely wanted to capitalise on her skill set and intellect. Nevertheless, he fell for her fairly quickly, with his feelings progressing from possessive attachment to ardent, selfless love. Their partnership is defined by mutual respect, trust, and their resolve to overcome obstacles of the aristocracy together. The series’ willingness to address feminist themes within a historically misogynistic setting adds another layer of complexity to Maomao’s character; since her intellect, competence, independence and boldness defy the gender expectations of the era. Even amidst the competitiveness of the Red-light district and the complex balance of power within the imperial harem— which were settings devised to pit women against one another—Maomao continues to advocate for camaraderie between women. As we continue to witness women supporting and empowering each other; their enduring strength and tenacity is exemplified. Maomao's journey is thus an embodiment of progressiveness reflecting a refreshing standpoint on female empowerment. Maomao's exceptional charm and vibrancy are profoundly compelling, instilling an enduring sense of inspiration and empowerment.

[Congratulations and thank you if you made it all the way to the end. I fear I rambled too much…. oh well… If anyone has any suggestions on what to do next, then let me know. Otherwise, I'm just going to be working on a few asks…]

[sofokl13]

tw: suicide

ok you know what?? i may not let jinx go actually. i think her conclusion can go both ways. there's some evidence she might've lived and i can't imagine riot actually killing of the most beloved character like this. but what if they do?

i know people have very strong opinions on characters sacrificing themselves, especially if said characters could achieve redemption any other way. they say it's depressing and shows that when you're broken enough, the only way is to kys. but, my two cents as someone who's been battling suicidal thoughts for years and maybe yearned for a sacrifice like this... i don't disapprove of this message. i think people deserve to go out on their terms. suicide isn't inherently bad. it's a human right. and jinx has been through so much that maybe it was the best choice for her. after all, that's what silco said; the only way to end the cycle is to opt out. she was ready to do that with burning everything left after her jinx-style, but in the end, she was ready to go out like a hero. instead of simply killing herself, she made it an act of love for her sister. she went out on her own terms.

on the other hand, if she's actually alive, it could be explained in a satisfactory way too (because IMO characters magically turning up alive isn't a much better trope either). as i wrote above, she lives like a jinx but doesn't die like one. it's her ultimate act. well, what if this is where jinx dies? her christening. jinx was born in the flames and died in the flames. instead, powder comes back. she passed the test. she's free now.

idk, this is going to be a controversial post probably, but i wanted to pour out my thoughts and feelings. i do hope jayce, viktor and heimerdinger don't come back because IMO their arcs were finished perfectly. but jinx is a more complex and volatile character. schrodinger's cat, even.

either way, she will always live in my heart. thank you, riot and fortiche.

[polaris-likethestar]

okay sooo smth that i want to say about the finale is yes it had its flaws, it wasnt perfect, there were many plot holes and i get it. i do think its smth u have to give it time and then rewatch it cause i finally rewatched it yesterday and it hit a lot different.

however i feel like one way that it didnt hit the mark for me at first and now it kind of makes sense is the way it was presented made it feel like a redemption arc for agatha. and it wasnt (and thats okay !!)

okay lets take one of the most popular villain mcu redepmtion arcs: loki. ima make this quick cause ik not everyone here watched that show but basically he went from someone who was selfish and cruel to someone who sacrificed himself to save everyone and i feel like thats what we all thought was gonna happen with agatha.

but it didnt, and that was kinda confusing.

bc the only reason she died instead of billy is cause he brought up her son. she cared about her son. yes, she cared about billy, i dont doubt that, but only to the extent that she did because he reminded her of nicholas (idk if that makes sense, not saying she wouldnt have cared either way but just that his similarities to her son increased her feelings about him)

agatha is overall not a great person. i hate the terms good and bad because theyre so fixated but agatha would be considered a "bad person." this show was never meant to make her good.

this show was never meant to be an excuse for her actions; instead, it gave her a reason.

we see that she's been through stuff and that she has crazy feelings and that shes traumatized. she didnt deserve what she went through. part of her backstory is what made her the way she is.

she was never going to change and become better. she was never gonna be the type of person to sacrifice herself for someone else. and she never did.

she's always going to be selfish. she's always going to put herself first. but now we get it.

so agatha all along is not a redemption arc for agatha harkness, but instead, it's a attempt to humanize her.

[toastandjamie]

Hey so I wanna talk about the two distinct types of evil present in WoT, the Dark one and Shadar Logoth.

These evils are similar in that they amplify negative emotions to the point that they boil over into cruelty and violence, where they differ however is that the emotions that draw people to them are born from different places, the dark one being an internal force where as Shadar Logoth relies on external forces.

The dark one is very classic satan allegory where the emotions he preys upon are the seven deadly sins. Greed, envy, lust, pride. The people who seek out the dark one and become dark friends usually feel like they are entitled to something that they aren’t receiving, whether that’s power, money, attention, knowledge- the dark one in turn offers them a way to achieve these goals they feel they deserve but evil is a corruptive force and eventually these feelings of envy and greed grow to the point where they no longer care about who gets hurt in the process of attaining their perceived just reward. The core of the Dark Ones evil is selfishness.

Shadar Logoth by contrast is a more “sympathetic” evil, born of feelings of anxiety and fear. Shadar Logoth was born from the people of Aridhol’s fears of the Trolloks and dark friends and as that paranoia grew they lashed out inwards and destroyed themselves. The evil of Shadar Logoth doesn’t make you violent or angry, the irritability and violence we associate it with are just side affects of the long lasting stress the evil does amplify. The core of Shadar Logoths evil is distrust.

These two types of evil while they do claim to despise eachother are not mutually exclusive however as we see Padan Faine seamlessly blend his greed and pride with Mordreth’s anxiety and fear, which feed on eachother until it developed into what we see him become where he’s callous and cruel, and specifically in the way he targets Rand, he “hates” Rand because of the anxiety that was born of failing the dark one and being tortured was amplified and mixed with his already present contempt and feelings of superiority.

However we see the flaws in the evil in the characters that manage to break out of the cycles of violence that they both feed on.

Verin, though she doesn’t go in with the intention of joining the dark went in with the selfish motivation of seeking out knowledge not for the good of the world but out of curiosity and boredom. She breaks away from the corruptive evil by her selfless act of sacrificing herself to bring to light the knowledge of the black ajah to the Tower.

Mat, is an interesting case because the corruptive nature of Shadar Logoth is more obvious. We see his fear amplified and it might be easy to say that the only reason he was freed from the evil was outside intervention and while that was what finished the job of cutting out the rot we also learn that he held up surprisingly well against the daggers corruption. He was able to last as long as he did because he was willing to be vulnerable and trust Rand. He was able to suppress many of the violent urges his fear created by sheer force of will because of the fact that he knew that he COULD trust someone which is antithetical to the evil of shadar logoth.

The two evils can survive on their own but they truly thrive in tandem and that was what made Faine so powerful that both the light and dark feared him. Because he exemplified all the worst parts of humanity all the fear, distrust, greed, envy and hate all personified into one being. The one thing however the destroys them both is in the most cliche of senses love, it is trust and kindness and selflessness that both evils can not defend against.