#She is confused why he is so scared?
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Johnny 13 is the Black Racer
I like the idea that Danny would promote many of old rouges to higher positions once he became King, and this one seemed obvious to me
(I looked it up and apparently the Black Racer uses Ski's, not a motorcycle like I had thought he did. Either way, it works)
Johnny is promoted to be a representation of the Concept of Death. He uses a Motorcycle, and has Shadow make him look more intimidating when he is on the Job.
When Johnny complains to Danny that he isn't fast enough to catch any Speedsters, he has Ellie (the Speedforce) give him some of her Power so he can catch them.
So now Johnny 13 is the Black Flash.
Idk what to do with this, but I liked the idea too much to let it just go unsaid.
Thoughts?
#Dp x dc#Dpxdc#Dc x dp#Dcxdp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#The Black Racer#Johnny 13#Black Flash#Ellie is the Speedforce#Ghost King Danny#The Flash when he realizes that the God of Death is some stoned Biker Guy who convinced the Speedforce Itself to give him powers: 😕#And now he can actually catch him!#Why had his adoptive mother forsaken him!?#Ellie is the mom of all speedster#She doesn't see death as a bad thing cause 1. It brings her kids closer to her and 2. Death is literally drinking buddies with her brother#She is confused why he is so scared?#His uncle would definitely just let go back to be a Hero whenever he wanted#He spoils his nieces and nephews like that#Letting them come back to life whenever they want
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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#the rat grinders#adaine abernant#kipperlilly copperkettle#watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk#like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god#my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season#the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands#also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk#but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up#they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here#there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows#the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance
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people dont talk enough about how heartbreaking the marlon betrayal mustve been for clem too,,
this dude saves the life of her and her kid. takes them in has them patched up gives them their first hot meal in who knows how long. gives them a safe place to stay. possibly permanently. confides in her that hes trying to be a good leader but feels like and fears that hes failing. asks her to help him take care of the rest of the group. helps her get over her fear of dogs by asking her to trust him. and things go well. she feels safe. like this place could really finally be the home shes been looking for
but as soon as she finds out what happened to the twins. that marlon planned on giving up her and aj too. she immediately becomes a liability to him and he attempts to kill her for it. locks her in the basement to die by walker. then tries to turn the group against her so he can shoot her instead when the first method fails. and he nearly succeeds
then a majority of the group turn against clem the minute aj kills marlon. ignoring marlons mistakes but condemning aj for his. like clem wasnt betrayed by marlon in the exact same way he betrayed the twins. like she literally wasnt almost killed twice? and how long had he been considering giving her up? was it always some contingency he planned? did he truly want to keep them around and things only changed when he feared the raiders had returned? she'll never know
#i think about this a lot... the betrayal... clems deep trust issues... then they all want to kick her out (except vi aasim and tenn 💕)#when she was just as impacted if not more so than the rest of them. since she was the only one with her Life on the line#thats why violet fighting so hard for them to stay is so important imo and would MEAN SO MUCH to clem too#vi and aasim are the only ones who can see past the bullshit and realize that theyre safer with clem around#while the rest would rather kick her out so they dont have to acknowledge their confused feelings about marlon#like first marlon betrays her then the rest of the group tell her to get fucked and die. dont come back. we never want to see you again#but she does. and she saves them#personally i do think marlon had 'good' intentions but he was a scared and fucked up kid who made bad decisions#and continued to make bad decisions to cover for his previous fuck ups#but that just makes him interesting :)#and i like teaching aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly#all of clems 'wow i feel so safe here :) and these guys seem smart :)' personal dialogue around ericsons makes me 😭#she was so happy to be at ericsons. and they turn against her so fast when she was more of a victim than any of them#aj is a literal baby. do not treat him like an adult who can make fully rationalized decisions. hes a baby and he only knows survival#at least they slowly get over it after clem comes back (some take longer than others...)#but the lack of compassion in voting to kick them out is heartbreaking. she was heartbroken#and thats not acknowledged as much as it should be#posting this old drafted post now cuz it expands my feelings on clems broken heartedness about the marlon situation#it speaks#twdg
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A day in the life with my family(illustrated):
Three of my siblings and my sisters boyfriend trying to get my cat to join them on the trampoline(note her expression)
My mom petting our cat on the couch sayinh "is something wrong with you" with a baby voice(he usually doesn’t like cuddles)
Me and @blueskybehindtheclouds bonding on a piano chair that barely has space for one person on a good day(honorable mention to our cat named chat noir)
And last but not least this with no context im not giving context
#hey maybe we should get like#a reality tv show#that would be entertaining#my family is chaotic#somehow we have not scared away my sisters boyfriend#but he is joining in so hes probably gonna be fineeee#also my little brother saw a big ass tick and said “that looks like a blueberry i get why (cousin) would eat it”#?????#apparently my cousin once ate a tick???#oh well#this is why i havent finished any fics yet#also one of our three cats is activly trying to move away#which is sad#she keeps literally knocking on an old lady's window#like she knocks on windows and doors with her paws its very cute#and chat noir just climbs the thingies on the window#what are those called#anyways#our last cat just screams#like she meows very loudly#she is the confused looking one and she is my baby#except for the time she saw me unable to move on the floor and was like “yes i can get onto the kitchen counter now”#i definantly spelt that wrong#and that#oops#she is still a baby though#i think im rambling now gonna end it there
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you make really good points, I think I used the term karmic wrong sorry. I think of it more as not how I personally think he deserved all that happened to him (which thinking back os exactly what karma means, I messed up sorry), but as his fate being directly tied/parallel to anyas. I handnt noticed the toxicity of jimmy and curlys relationship, from the first playthrough I watched and the first interactions I had w fandom I saw so many ppl just. dismiss the terror Anya went through and focus too much on him as the "ultimate victim" and that just didn't sit well w me. I really dislike seeing ppl go "oh well nothing could've been done" I think it's much more complex than that. also I forgot to mention in the last ask that I really appreciate you bringing the point that this game isn't just about the harm of patriarchy but also very very critical to capitalism, I haven't seen too many ppl touch on this. I hadn't thought too deeply about how it makes "he deserved to become disabled as punishment" come up and I agree that's really messed up. I'll try watching a playthrough again with all of this in mind. but either way thanks! I really appreciate your answer 🫶🏼
I guess this is just part of being in a fandom like this. I've noticed a lot of people don't actually see posts outside of their curated view. So some people only get like anya posting or jimmy or curly and it can make it seem like that is what is saturating the conversation.
I mainly just follow the general tags and look for anything new because I'm like obsessed but I know some are only looking for what they want or believe to be the case and can get weird about other ideas.
Sorry if I came off mean its just a last few of the asks have been like circular conversations like this and its not draining per say but seeing all the nuance and details get overlooked to fit a straightforward and basic narrative really sucks cause there's a lot to explore character and theme wise.
#its like idk i feel like im yapping about the same stuff over and over and over again cause people confuse simple on paper with simple in#execution or like without the human factor like idk sometimes to humanzie Anya people dehumanize the other characters to an extent#which is also part of the systemic problem because by dehumanizing people you take away from the awareness like idk the statements#that curly was the captain and just a guy like have to exist together hes like an okay find decent even good captain just not great#hes not exceptional and i think a lot of people are acting like the game said he is when thats just jimmy like Swansea and Anya see that he#just a guy under everything else hence why they dont feed into the vitriol jimmy tries to serve about him crashing the ship and how they#talk to him pre crash even with anya i feel like people are so focused on trying to see what jimmy doesnt that they are adding intention w#where there isnt not even on like she cant be this scale more so you are treating this like everyone in this game is doing some secret gran#gambit when they are just trying to surviv in really back circumstances like having anya respond to jimmys behaviro through the#fawn effect isnt making her a weak depiction its a real response that can coexist with purposeful action because she is clearly scared of#Jimmy even if she hates and thinks he's incompentent like shes not gonna roll over for him but shes gonna be docile in his presence so he#doesnt create a reason in his head to lash out at her like people simply cannot combine concepts to create the complex responses we see in#the game and idkn why its so hard because not every statement contridicts like Jimmy is a monsterous asshole can exist with how#systematic oppression and social enabling create/allow people like him to do their worse cause at the end of the day he chose to do#everything he did despite other options vs the others trying to figure out the best option for all whether that was the best or not like#he dug his own grave vs the others sorta being lined up in front of theirs and shot like this is more interesting to me than him just being#like idk cartoonishly evil and gross and why cant concepts stakes like fitting aspects together is fun its like the worlds shitties puzzle#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anon#ask#ur fine anon im just insane and get frustrated easily when i think im explaining something bad
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
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Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it
#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power#if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life#and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits#but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality#he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle-#but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do#he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself*#bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth#and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin-#then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does)#and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her#but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff#and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain#hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him#(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else#like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process#hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out#and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship��#and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him#and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation#and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son.#also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot#anyway. yeah👍#tagging later#tekken
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Let's see if I learn from yesterday and save a draft or copy before posting in case tumblr eats it. (I'm having to save and edit and post over and over because I've already tried a couple times with pics.)
Part whatever number we're on for Lems self inflicted heart wrenching rumbelle posts.
She's still hopeful here. Like maybe he just misunderstood me! Maybe he thinks I'm lying about it working.
He said he was the beast, now he's just acting like it. Whether he's acting for his benefit or hers he doesn't know.
The mindless beast that snarls and bites.
She's starting to realize that he isn't joking. He is very serious. She realizes in this moment she hurt him even if it was an accident. And she wants to fix it. True love can fix anything! True love's kiss can break any curse.
Right?
You can kind of see here that his mask is slipping. He's already regretting screaming at her and putting on this beastly show.
Now he's really slapping that mask on his face and going full force with the act.
They say I'm a beast? Let me show you what a snarling monstrous beast I can be.
There has to be that small sliver of faith he still has in her that she wouldnt team up with the queen to fuck him over. But he's so guarded and in such disbelief that he doesnt believe it.
This is the first time she really recoils from his touch, from his words (least that I've seen) the first time she's been truly scared of him.
This last look of thinly veiled sorrow and heartbreak. He thought she was truly genuine, and she's conspiring with the queen, he should've known all along.
If you dont see a problem it doesnt exist. If I lock these thoughts away they cant hurt me.
But they already are.
#Last episode we left off with rumple “finger guns” stiltskin finding out belle had an inkling about true love's kiss breaking the spell#belle's at first like cmon silly rumple you can trust me! would i lie to you?#welcome to the consequences of your own actions#it's called therapy rumple everyone can benefit from it including the Dark One#he's like a kid who gets asked out as a joke all through adolescence#and then as an adult they think everyone showing interest it too like har har 🙄#to be fair i would be scared too if someone was screaming in my face and shaking me#that's his point#fear him#for who could ever learn to love a beast?#Shes still so confused and upset. She loves him#and she knows#she KNOWS#that he loves her#but why act like this?#rumbelle#ouat rumple#belle#belle x rumple#belle french#rumplestiltskin#1x12#skin deep#ouat#once upon a time
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Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.
IKR SAME OMG
They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional
But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them
#literally making an illustration type comic on Mumbos whole vampire timeline#Scar will be next with his vex schenanigans..#the worst part is I always cycle like three to five different backstory’s in my brain for these two I CANNOT decide#but now that I’ve written a short ficlet (that no one will see unless asked) abt a few scenes of Mumbos backstory I think I’m pretty set on-#-his part#Scar tho??? no clue#I have the Hotguy backstory (which I daydream about WAY too much) I have the apocalypse backstory. I have the single player raised by villa-#-gers for years and years cuz his mom dropped him off in the single player world when Scar wasn’t conscidered a player yet since he was an-#-infant cuz it was a teen pregnancy and she was too scared to tell anyone so she just dropped him off with the villagers never to be seen#again. and since it was technically HER single player world when Scar DID grow up old enough to be recognized as a player he couldn’t#access any of the 'exit world' stuff or anything like that since it wasn’t his world#and then like a watcher or smth pulled him out of it so that Scar could be put through the horrors of gun related things for experimentstuff#and then there’s the backstory of where scar IS a watcher. like not a person turned watcher he was BORN (if you could say that) a watcher#and like the other watchers wanted to do an experiment of basically 'could a watcher if stripped of its memories and placed in a people-#-world be able to produce its own feelings and emotions?' and so they did that to Scar but they didn’t place him there as a baby no. they#placed him there as a full grown man so bros even more confused. and when the life series stuff started he had exactly one ☝️ dream per#Series and it was tiny little snippets of his watcher self but he didn’t know that it’s him but like he felt a strange pull towards these#dreams so that’s basically the reason why he kept coming back to the life games even tho they hurt him deeply as we all know#and then when he won secret life the secret keeper asked him what his wish was now that he’s won and he didn’t ask to know who he was and#where he came from (since he just appeared one day as a full grown man with no identification) since he’s made peace with that maybe it is#better not to know. so instead he asked abt the dreams he always has in these series and wth their abt and the context and stuff#and then BAM the secret keeper just drops all that information on him and he has an identity crises :D#anyways. I put both of these guys through many horrors I just have so many ideas for scar specifically. oh also there’s that backstory where#hes an assasin guy and he feels rlly guilty abt it when he gets split in half (gtws and btws) cuz like he has morals now apparently?? also#it explains the scammer stuff cuz he was a HUGE scammer bacl them#asks#hermitcraft#goodtimeswithscar#mumbo jumbo#redscape
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I will not apologize for the type of person I will become when Be Prepared from the Lion King plays.
#the lion king#yes you read this right#scar did not have to go that hard about wanting to kill his brother and become king#little me was so confused I was like Scar bad but song great??#the bop will not distract me from the fact that he gave the hyenas free roame to eat EVERYTHING#Simbas mom was great why didn’t we get more scenes with her#she’s like my husband died and now I have to listen to Scar?? Fine but I’m gonna be sassy about it and not be scared of him#she looked him in the eyes like: 😑#she was doooone#girl throw him off a cliff
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rewatching deep breath and I really really don't see the appeal in the pasternoster gang, they're just so annoying to me
#someone enlighten me please#because ughhh vastra specifically infuriates me a lil bit#what do you MEAN clara is not allowed to be confused when a man literally CHANGED BODIES#and more importantly is acting completely OFF THE HINGES in front of her#because fine kinda bad that she wants to 'change him back' to his previous version#because she's rejecting his older face#but DUDE I'd also be terrified if my man lost his mind in the process and couldn't even remember my name anymore#that's SCARY clara is SCARED that her doctor is gone for good#she doesn't know the regen process she doesn't know that there's this initial amnesia and dishevelled moment after the change#and then there's vastra being super patronising and pretending that clara doesn't like him because he looks older#UGH#also imo vastra is kinda shitty to Jenny#someone please explain to me why they're so loved by fans
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i hate my stepdad
#i remembered a time when i was like 11 years old & i told my parents about feeling suicidal#my mom was scared so she was really nice to me for a while & i noticed but didnt say anything because why would i#then my stepdad accused me of manipulating her & ''making her cry until she gives you what you want'' which is just complete bullshit#the multiple times he's said i was just ''confused'' about being trans or that i got it from the internet#the fucking. weird anecdotes he gives about how he or his mom beat his son once for wanting to run away#& this is a problem with both him & my mom but they say they want me to talk to them about how i feel but if its anything slightly negative#about them or anything about my transition IM the bad person for bringing it up & i should respect their feelings by being quiet about it#whats worse is that im probably going to have to be dependent on these people for a while & i have no idea what to do
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i hate my best friend earlier i was like "im scared that this guy likes me bc he said something that i would only say to people who i like, but i recognize thats its a normal ass thing to say anyway and i rationally know he does not like me, but still, my brain decided to play with that concept and made me have a terrible nightmare the other night about it and now im subconsciously scared that he will like me ( with the underlying concept of "i am scared of men")" and shell go ohohioo what if youre projecting and its actually YOU that likes him. ????? bitch did you not hear the part about having a dream where he abused me or ...?sometimes being asexual is a nightmare nobody gets it
#and i have actually considered that btw.! and no i dont like him. if i like anyone its someone else entirely.and i dont like them either so#but she did not get it for the most part which i understand my feelings are unconventional and irrational and hard to follow. but i am#quite literally scared of the concept. of a man liking me. of this guy specifically bc we are good friends why ruin it!but just guys in gen#and i dreamt he abused me.....#literal nightmare i woke up scared and confused all bc my brain hates ne#anyway. she wants to have a gotcha moment so bad#like i said before. no its not about projecting and being scared of liking him#its about being scared that someone who i care about sees me in a way i dont and demands things from me i am not willing to give#+ someone being intimidating by having more experience compared to my 0 amount#+ feeling a bit intimiddated that my new friend group will find me immature as i am the youngest one#theres a lot of complicated feelings and a lot of confusing things bc of my asexuality but she sometimes doesnt get it#its not rly about liking him. also if i do in the future i wont really give myself a headache about it ive decided to stop worrying#about things like that it never helps.#anyway this is the friend i was hopelessly in love with and i can safely say i am over her now [tangent]#anyway. idk. sometimes i feel so stupid but this fear was idk a bit more than justa silly highschool 'what if i like them'and more#'what if the people i meet want to take advantage of me and i cant learn to say no' + 'what if i have a way of self sabotaging perfectly#good friendships by implanting irrational fears into them via dream' ?#you know. a bit more heavy#idk if anyone reads my rants id you doo cool thanks but whatever this is my diary maybe i should go nack to the psychologist idk#spikeposting
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✿ te he
FRIENDSHIP. work buddies or coworkers / friends with benefits / smoking buddies / fake friends / party buddies / partners in crime / [your muse] is the bad influence / ride or die / penpals
ROMANCE. [your muse is mines] childhood crush / exes / exes to lovers / forbidden lovers / unrequited [from my muses side]. / friends to lovers / power couple / newly entered / toxic love
ANTAGONISTIC. dangerous to each other / dangerous to others / unpredictable / petty / developing into sexual or romantic tension / based off misunderstanding or lies / conflict of ideology / betrayal / enemies / friends turned enemies / lovers turned enemies / exes turned enemies
BONE TOWN. based just on looks / amorous / manipulative / petty / give me your money / authentic crush / other
pre-established relationships meme.
#consumare#██ meme response tag.#to elaborate:#i think under almost any circumstances hannibal is margarethe's Perfect Man™#not necessarily romantically because. while she's not on his level she has massive issues getting deeply intimate#that being said: the 'romance' section is still on the board and not deleted because margarethe can most certainly idealize him#also why 'authentic crush' is retained under the Bone Town Rating#toxic options remain on the board because while i feel a tendency in margarethe to become devoted to hannibal#(as long as he pays her enough attention)#i can also see her rankling under his control. or else acting out because she doesn't feel like he IS paying her enough attention.#i also think it will frustrate and confuse her to never be able to reach his emotional/mental center.#and i am not sure he would ever willingly share that with her--and my understanding esp from the books is that if he DOES share that#he has to do it under an atmosphere of absolute control and clarity (e.g. when he has clarice at the end of hannibal)#which. i am not sure margarethe would ever submit to. scares her too much#all of that being said if it gets insane and toxic and mindfucky enough... maybe#idk. there's a world of possibilities. there was no 'competing serial killers' option so i didn't select it but
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bruh something weird happened in the pharmacy and i feel weird and bad and uncomfortable about it
#some woman picked up meds confirmed all the info so we can give it out#then two min later this guy pulls up w the same info#and i saw the womans car parked like next to his outside the drive thru#then im confused and i explain a woman already picked it up#then he says its his ex wife and she shouldnt get his meds#but he kept saying random shit that didnt make sense#so i hand it over to my pharmacist#then the woman comes inside and says he has rlly bad mental health issues and she is his current wife and they live together#and im like wtf is going on#she gives back the meds theyre still stapled shut and everything in the bag#then the guy requests the store manager for some reason even tho the pharmacist is the one in charge#then he demands to write down all our names#i gave a fake name bc i was uncomfortable#then he points at me while hes talking to the manager and says i was laughing#and i feel bad bc i was laughing a little but not bc i thought it was funny it was one of those wtf is going on laughs#but now im looking back and im like damn did i look like a total asshole i did not mean to come off like that#so now i feeo bad about that and i also feel weird about the whole situation and that i gave a fake name#and all of this is on my unpaid rotation so i dont even work there#then i call my sister to talk about it and ahe literally does not give two shits so i just end the call two minutes in#which is why im writing it hee#so i basically feel bad confused anxious scared and like a bad person
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