#Self destructive desires

[kalicofox]

Sometimes the only thing you can do is be sad while trying not to nuke your entire internet presence.

Sometimes you have friends to remind you that you won't always feel this way.

Sometimes you won't understand why, and that's okay.

Sometimes making it through the day without destroying yourself is the accomplishment.

I don't understand why people want to read my writing, and... I guess I'm going to have to learn to be okay with that. I don't have to understand everything. I just have to accept it, and be thankful that I have such good friends.

[wyrdle]

Shuji ikutsuki and Takuto Maruki doodles because i hope you see my vision (these are such bad doodles to explore their parallels but I'm busy and tired lol)

[leajoyrambles]

sorry to get angsty on main but I really wanna see a crossover fic where Five Hargreeves meets Bruce Wayne and the topic of, y’know, what would you do for your family, the morality of killing in a given context, etcetera comes up. And a bit of dialogue just going like

Bruce: But once you cross that line, where does it stop?

Five: It doesn’t have to stop — they just have to live.

[renegadeem]

Still on that Valenwind brainrot.

I am a smoker!Cid defender. Here is my propaganda.

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

Do you ever think that when Cale was KRS, he subconsciously knew about the curse? All of those terrible things kept happening to people he cared about- so much so that it would become a recognizable pattern (that he would realize later on was an actual curse) so he unintentionally twisted his mind into the piece of origami it is now, attributing people to their worth and convenience and refusing to express care for anyone, inside of his heart or to the outside world.

… He fails at hiding it. He fails because he doesn’t even know what counts as caring about someone’s well being, he doesn’t know what it looks like! He’s only ever had his own concern towards himself (and Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo), and everyone who cares for him like he cares for them— dies.

He knows how to be a team leader and how to manage and take responsibility for his members, but he doesn’t want to outwardly or inwardly care. Even after finding out about the curse, he doesn’t see how he refuses to care about things.

Well- he does care about things. Arguably more than anyone else, because his internal longing for human connection is so bone-deep that he can only create reasons why he’s helping people, instead of saying that he wants to.

‘Want’ got Cale nowhere. ‘Family’ got him nowhere. ‘Friends’ left him to sweep up his broken remains. ‘Home’ didn’t last, ‘safety’ is an illusion, and ‘emotions’ have only ever gotten in his way. Time and time again, these facts got drummed and burned into his mind.

It’s all he knows. It’s all Kim Rok Soo knew for his aching, dragging 36 years of existence.

Now he’s Cale Henituse.

Those facts are still there. They’ve become deep, welded scars in his mind. They’ll never go away.

But he’s learning. Very, very slowly. Those scars will never disappear, but maybe through this story, he can learn to traverse his trauma.

I hope so.

I really, really hope so.

(Drafted: January 23, 2023)

(I found this gathering dust in my drafts and decided to post it)

[the-moons-undying-light]

I avoid your gaze like the plague

But I can't prevent my mind from chasing after you

I can't deter my legs from following your path

So for now I will keep passing by your eyes until I can meet them without the futile fluttering within

[teyvats-worst-hero]

@pj-was-here

Please accept my humble offering of a villain Noelle design. I know it’s real janky, but it is 5am.

Made the pinks redder and brought it in as almost a “hidden” element of her design. Made sure to keep a lot of femininity in there, cause that’s part of her visual story, but I ditched the maid angle and went full on Grimm’s fairytale. Pushed back half her hair with the braid. Since roses represent secrets in Genshin, she has a literal belt of them. I moved her bow around her neck to replace her neckerchief. Supposed to link back to how a long-term cadet might feel chained to the knights (but never truly claimed)

Possible backstory/why the hell this sweetheart might end up a villain:

Noelle doesn’t seem like the type to just go ballistic. She keeps the secrets of the people who trust her. She’s a rose knight, and she’s an adult now, and Jean is still refusing to even consider her because they’re too “similar,” yet everyone is always asking for her constantly. I think she’d get a really warped sense of subjugation from it. If the Acting Grandmaster says they’re “too similar,” then is she just…

Afraid of Noelle’s ability?

I see her going the vigilante route, slowly becoming more disillusioned by Jean’s inability to keep things under control while she handles these things 24/7 with none of that formal acknowledgement. She’d always be kind. But more out of a “the people are unable to function without me, they’re children that shouldn’t burden their minds,” style. Cause really, has anyone proved her otherwise?

And if Jean can’t handle it, then maybe she should just…

Step in.

[aroacettorney]

morally grey characters are great and all, but sometimes i do feel like ppl who genuinely think lawful good-aligned redeemers are comparatively much more boring overlook/underestimate the amount of effort and conviction required from them to remain kind and also unwaveringly believe in the second chance / potential of goodness in each and every person despite the injustice that the rest of the world has been done unto them.

[patchwork-crow-writes]

73 - Too Close to the Sun

This will only end in catastrophe. I know this, yet still I am drawn to it, mesmerised by the very flame that will surely incinerate me.

Hold fast, my makeshift wings, as I fly from the shadows that are my birthright, and soar towards the sunlit heavens! Beat still, my brittle heart, though the stars are arrayed against me, and their glare might break us into dust! Destiny shan't take kindly to such flighty defiance, yet her gravitas shall not bind me here!

Burn, then, and let me blaze across the skies as a screaming comet which may pierce the very sun! Let me grasp at that celestial fire, and by its grace shall I know the fleeting glory of desire fulfilled at last - for what greater purpose can there be than to commune with the divinity that is love?

And then by passion's pitiless flame shall we be spent up, our charred husk plummeting into the quenching darkness below. Humbled by our hubris, longing tempered by shame, we may do naught but look on, at a world undone by a moment's thoughtless impulse.

Still it calls to me, still do I covet its purifying flames - for how sweetly we might sing, in the shadow of that sinful sun!

______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 73

<-<-First || <-Prev || Next-> || Index

[tomyenemys]

Why do I have to feel so ugly all the time

[sugar-and-pearls]

🌟 Dream (and any of his siblings if you feel comfortable sharing)

Hiya Hartley!! Thank you for sending this in. I'm sorry sorry about how late this is but it took a while to sort out the relationships.

Destiny of the Endless -

Merope and Destiny rarely met as he prefers to stay within his Garden. They don't really view each other more then "Morpheus's lover" and "Dream's oldest brother". Though they do have mixed feelings about each other part in the Dream Lord's life.

Death of the Endless -

I think the two would have met before, briefly but like with her eldest brother, didn't really knowing eachother untill Dream introduced them. They're friendly with each other and have a few shared interests. They're still growing closer and feel no need to rush.

Dream of the Endless -

Lovers, the two first met when Merope freed him from is glass prison and grew closer as he searched for this tools. They both have a passion for stories.

Desire of the Endless -

They're antagonistic yet civil with each other. Which is ironic because if things had gone differently I do think they could have ended up together or being best friends but that's not how the dice fell. I feel like they often run into each other, what with Desire ruling over, well desire and Merope play matchmaker. Maybe the relationship will get better? maybe not, just have to see.

Despair of the Endless-

I don't know if the two would have met before, maybe after Dream introduced them? I could see Despair viewing Merope at her lowest points in her mirror realm.

Destruction of the Endless -

Friendly but they have only have met once, in volume 7 Brief Lives. He was nice to her and Merope eat some of the food he prepared. The two didn't really interact much during the meeting.

Delirium of the Endless -

Very fond of her however due to the nature of her being, Merope is more wary of Delirium than any other of Dream's siblings.

[ikemenomegas]

Omega!Getou Suguru x Alpha!Reader

The younger years

A brief note on how I see the Alpha for the two special grades of Jujutsu High: when a person writes for Gojo, I don't think you can really untangle him from Getou. Whether you ship them or not, the fact remains that they had the biggest impact on one anothers' sense of belonging and development. Getou was Gojo's moral compass for the few years they spent together and the question he posed haunts Gojo like nothing else. Gojo was Getou's measure for power and the person he wanted to be able to stand side by side with. I also thing part of Getou's choice to leave had to do with how futile he felt Gojo being "the strongest" ended up being. Because of this, and the fact that I write the Alpha in this situation as being most easily interpreted as being part of the Gojo/Getou/Shoko class, it would be most simple to explain the situation as the Alpha being the same person, but someone who has chosen different things in each case. I have some kind of au in my mind where there is a sort of poly ship with the three of them, but since that would never happen in canon (because of canon character deaths) I do write for a similar version of the Alpha going with either one or the other, not both.

tw: mentions of canonical character death, minor implication of suicide, and spoilers for the manga if you're not caught up

Getou Suguru walks a dozen lines: between the rural village world he quickly outgrew and the world of sorcerer's that sees him as a commodity; between the world of the conservative faction and higher ups that wants to control his omega body and his own uncontrollable power; between the way he realizes he loves you and the ways he cannot say it out loud...

Suguru is used to concealing his true emotions, even from himself. He presents himself in a way he thinks others want to see him but the core of his personality is really kind and empathetic. He has a hard time balancing this with his pride though.

When he first meets you as a first year student, he doesn't think much of you, he's just watchful like he is with everyone. Once he sees you fight, he acknowledges your potential, but his being nice to you beyond the surface level takes longer.

People think that Suguru is some kind of gentle omega because he's very good at being polite and courteous in public, this notion is quickly dispelled when Suguru and Satoru fall in together and feed off of one anothers' personality and Satoru starts to indicate to his classmates the kind of people in the sorcerer's world to watch out for (safe to mock behind their backs). Honestly, it's kind of a relief to all of you...

Fighting together builds closeness quickly as you each learn to trust the others with your own lives and the quality of the class's friendship improves.

Suguru and Satoru's techniques have made them both highly ranked sorcerers from the start so things are already difficult. There's a power gap between anyone else they get paired up with so they often go together, but since you have to go on missions too you've been paired up with both at one time or another.

It's on one of the worst missions where they send you all out together so Shoko-san always has a guard that you all end up saving each others' lives. After that, things are generally more informal between you all.

Missions are still a pain though. Every one of you have AoE attacks so it can be hard to coordinate, although Satoru is the worst at figuring it out because he was trained without any pairing up.

Satoru also doesn't like to pull his punches so when you train as a class it's usually with a cursed corpse or Suguru (until Satoru gets jealous of one or both of you ignoring him and forces someone to trade off). During these sparring bouts, Suguru realizes that he actually really likes your scent and he likes how you push yourself to get better at the close combat that could really make your technique shine even though it scares you. However, he often finds himself a little disappointed afterwards since your fighting style is more focused on redirection methods at the moment so you spend a good portion of the time trying to throw him away from you.

Things start changing when the boys' get more comfortable with one another and you and Shoko and warm heats start becoming something that's obviously going to be a Thing. For omegas, the school's archaic directors don't encourage suppressing the heats, even though it's safe with the right monitoring. It's the toss up of having the two strongest students down for a few days out of every other month but the higher-ups generally conceded it's worth the break.

Suguru doesn't mean to seek you out but you all live near one another in the student housing so it happens. Warm heats make him sleepy and a little dizzy and he'll sometimes end up curled up on one of the common space couches if you've left a jacket or something around. If those things of yours disappear for a few days they always end up returned, washed and folded.

The relationships that sorcerers form are very weird (from the point of view of theoretical social outsiders)

The danger of being a sorcerer and the constant threat of an early death means that people are careful about getting close to one another. A lot of people end up avoiding acknowledging emotional closeness because they thing it's kind of an automatic curse (regret) or because they think it's not worth burdening someone with the words

Also, in the field there's an expectation of trust in whomever you're fighting alongside - ideally you should trust the person you are with to do what they can and also do whatever you can. However, sorcerers are specialized humans fighting against the embodiment of fears. Sorcerers to some extent can't trust each other to hold up 100% in the face of that and fighting styles and techniques can be so individual it becomes impossible to fight alongside someone else

But people still have needs or desires for emotional and physical intimacy and this isn't exclusive to omegas or alphas and their particular brand of physical needs

When you notice Suguru taking your clothes, you treat it more like family members giving one another things to bring to their nest. It's not a courting thing, but he ends up with a blanket of yours that's in his room more often than not and he'll put some of his things into your laundry with the silent intent of stealing it back later.

When he doesn't want to be harassed by alphas in the the non-sorcerer world, he'll come out with you if there's no other group to be with or Satoru isn't in town

If you're both at the school and it isn't busy, he asks you if you mind if he doesn't wear scent blockers while at the dorm, which is typical for home-life in family homes but he asks, which comes off as polite and doesn't have to mean anything

You all eat together often so it's not weird if you know his food preferences and he knows yours

Sharing music comes naturally. He's more of an introvert and you all study together so it's not anything specific when you start sharing headphones

If he starts falling asleep next to you the morning after a bad night, well he and Satoru have fallen asleep on each other on the train too so it's not anything particular.

Except he wants it to be. Maybe. He's still a sorcerer and you're all barely crossing sixteen so does he get to want this? He's starting to want something and he doesn't know if you want the same thing. (He doesn't know if Satoru knows he wants the same thing too...)

And then Riko happens. Riko happens and Satoru almost dies and he isn't allowed to die, you almost die and everything starts to fall apart.

The last year, the higher-ups start sending him on a lot of individual missions or missions with people who essentially stood back and watched. You start getting sent out with weaker teams to even the odds. You're with him sometimes but it's not enough.

You're still at the school more often than Satoru but it's not enough. He wants different things from you and Satoru and Suguru isn't enough.

He hides when his first full heat hits. He makes Shoko give him scent blockers and safe suppressants and against all instinct to find you, he hides.

When you see him afterwards, a mistake brought on by being too tired to sense you near, he tells you he's fine. You don't believe him, but he's come to you before when something is wrong. He may not tell you what's going on, but he's sought you out in the months since the merger failed. You think that whatever it is, you have more time.

He just nudges against your shoulder and shuffles to his room to sleep off the exhaustion. You bring him a bottle of water and leave him alone. Is that the moment? If you'd read the tension in his shoulders and stayed, would that have been enough?

He's exhausted body and soul when he finds Mimiko and Nanako, when he makes his decision and disappears

You see him only once after that. Shoko sends you a picture while she's waiting for you to meet up. It just says "shinjuku".

There is one world in which you run. You don't know where you're going. You can't feel him. You have no idea where to find him. But you run up a crowded street and from the shadows, Suguru lets you run by him and sees tears on your cheeks.

In another though, you come from the other direction and he stops you, just the barest flicker of his energy appearing, like his hand brushing your arm, and you stop like he knew, like he hoped, you would, and ask him a question.

[sotogalmo]

12:22

Nevermore by sasakure...... Such a Luka song but like. Also. Ivan- but I see it as like. How similar they are

[wolfgirlsister]

.

[ileftherbackhome]

i hope i can fix him no really i can is about taylor's own weaknesses and delusions in her romantic failings tbh, i need pt 2 to midnight rain so badly but like one where she is actually honest about the underlying desires informing her actions

[justsomeguyluv]

I think for my own mental health at any given moment I need at least one pathetic fictional man to be obsessed with in a weird sexual way