#Self destructive desires

[kalicofox]

Sometimes the only thing you can do is be sad while trying not to nuke your entire internet presence.

Sometimes you have friends to remind you that you won't always feel this way.

Sometimes you won't understand why, and that's okay.

Sometimes making it through the day without destroying yourself is the accomplishment.

I don't understand why people want to read my writing, and... I guess I'm going to have to learn to be okay with that. I don't have to understand everything. I just have to accept it, and be thankful that I have such good friends.

[daylighteclipsed]

While I’m talking, Cloud almost killing Tifa in Gongaga is not just a ‘would that be fucked up or what’ moment or even because Tifa has the true memories/proof to counter Sephiroth’s lies (though, that is part of it). It’s also because killing Tifa is the antithesis of who Cloud is. It’s the antithesis of the little boy who put his life on the line to save her and then dedicated his life to becoming strong enough to protect her. The antithesis of his promise to be there for her and the feelings behind it. “Cloud” and “Tifa’s killer” cannot coexist. “Cloud,” the boy defined by a desire to protect Tifa, cannot survive this. That’s why Sephiroth is trying so hard to get Cloud to kill Tifa. Sephiroth could kill her himself and that would still be majorly bad for Cloud’s true identity as he’d still lose his only tether to reality and the symbol of his conscience. But it wouldn’t be as effective as having Cloud do the honors. Sephiroth needs Cloud to kill the light in his own heart. He needs Cloud to kill his self. And there is no more definitive way than this.

[wyrdle]

Shuji ikutsuki and Takuto Maruki doodles because i hope you see my vision (these are such bad doodles to explore their parallels but I'm busy and tired lol)

[leajoyrambles]

sorry to get angsty on main but I really wanna see a crossover fic where Five Hargreeves meets Bruce Wayne and the topic of, y’know, what would you do for your family, the morality of killing in a given context, etcetera comes up. And a bit of dialogue just going like

Bruce: But once you cross that line, where does it stop?

Five: It doesn’t have to stop — they just have to live.

[heartbreakscars]

theres something about wanting to do what shouldnt be done

the smell of a warm carby meal after deciding to start a diet

knowing you should be saving money but maybe one pair of shoes wont hurt

the guy you know is trouble inviting you over but you just cant get yourself to say no

it seems everything i desire so greatly

is always something i shouldnt be doing

so why am i always so drawn to it

like a magnet pulling me in

i know its bad for me

some things that could even kill me down the line

but like a moth to a flame

i still do it everytime

because how i see it

theres some beauty within that fire

some people may call it dumb

say that im sabotaging myself

but they can point their fingers and laugh

because how bad can it really be?

in a world full of unreachable sunshine

shadows and wind down dark dusty alleys

when i feel the warmth and shine of that flame

im the one who can experience getting close to it

sensing its beauty in full when others see it as too dangerous

its something i could never regret

but however there always is that possibility

of getting burnt

[renegadeem]

Still on that Valenwind brainrot.

I am a smoker!Cid defender. Here is my propaganda.

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

Do you ever think that when Cale was KRS, he subconsciously knew about the curse? All of those terrible things kept happening to people he cared about- so much so that it would become a recognizable pattern (that he would realize later on was an actual curse) so he unintentionally twisted his mind into the piece of origami it is now, attributing people to their worth and convenience and refusing to express care for anyone, inside of his heart or to the outside world.

… He fails at hiding it. He fails because he doesn’t even know what counts as caring about someone’s well being, he doesn’t know what it looks like! He’s only ever had his own concern towards himself (and Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo), and everyone who cares for him like he cares for them— dies.

He knows how to be a team leader and how to manage and take responsibility for his members, but he doesn’t want to outwardly or inwardly care. Even after finding out about the curse, he doesn’t see how he refuses to care about things.

Well- he does care about things. Arguably more than anyone else, because his internal longing for human connection is so bone-deep that he can only create reasons why he’s helping people, instead of saying that he wants to.

‘Want’ got Cale nowhere. ‘Family’ got him nowhere. ‘Friends’ left him to sweep up his broken remains. ‘Home’ didn’t last, ‘safety’ is an illusion, and ‘emotions’ have only ever gotten in his way. Time and time again, these facts got drummed and burned into his mind.

It’s all he knows. It’s all Kim Rok Soo knew for his aching, dragging 36 years of existence.

Now he’s Cale Henituse.

Those facts are still there. They’ve become deep, welded scars in his mind. They’ll never go away.

But he’s learning. Very, very slowly. Those scars will never disappear, but maybe through this story, he can learn to traverse his trauma.

I hope so.

I really, really hope so.

(Drafted: January 23, 2023)

(I found this gathering dust in my drafts and decided to post it)

[the-moons-undying-light]

I avoid your gaze like the plague

But I can't prevent my mind from chasing after you

I can't deter my legs from following your path

So for now I will keep passing by your eyes until I can meet them without the futile fluttering within

[feraltvman]

is it the same demon goop from the demon keyboard you sent SMG4? Maybe you’ve been bound to it longer you think

" When it comes to desires and manipulating people to cave towards that, it's really a place I shined the most when first starting my movements against the SMG4 crew. The demonic keyboard was to tap straight into Four's brain and fixate on making The Perfect Video no matter the cost and he had A LOT to lose.

I don't have anything anymore.... So I dont know why a type of 'Desire' Demon would want to be stuck to me "

[vancalox]

spent way to much time on matching deia's hair w solas's out of sheer commitment to the "people say we're alike / they say we've got the same hair" bit but actually it has not been funny the entire duration of Actual gameplay its literally only EVER been depressing

[iwillvanishbeforeyou]

You mentioned intimacy. I play off that I'm tired.

I am tired, but not sleepy.

I'm tired of pretending I'm okay when you yell at me to shut up. When you're telling me my perceived failures all day.

I'm tired of feeling like a failure. Like I don't deserve anything other than hatred.

[vveirdvvitch]

Pro tip:

Do not go digging into your ex’s life by looking up adjacent social media. It will not make you feel any better.

[aroacettorney]

morally grey characters are great and all, but sometimes i do feel like ppl who genuinely think lawful good-aligned redeemers are comparatively much more boring overlook/underestimate the amount of effort and conviction required from them to remain kind and also unwaveringly believe in the second chance / potential of goodness in each and every person despite the injustice that the rest of the world has been done unto them.

[solar-eclipsed]

I need to stop falling in love with pairings in shows I literally haven’t fucking watched

[patchwork-crow-writes]

73 - Too Close to the Sun

This will only end in catastrophe. I know this, yet still I am drawn to it, mesmerised by the very flame that will surely incinerate me.

Hold fast, my makeshift wings, as I fly from the shadows that are my birthright, and soar towards the sunlit heavens! Beat still, my brittle heart, though the stars are arrayed against me, and their glare might break us into dust! Destiny shan't take kindly to such flighty defiance, yet her gravitas shall not bind me here!

Burn, then, and let me blaze across the skies as a screaming comet which may pierce the very sun! Let me grasp at that celestial fire, and by its grace shall I know the fleeting glory of desire fulfilled at last - for what greater purpose can there be than to commune with the divinity that is love?

And then by passion's pitiless flame shall we be spent up, our charred husk plummeting into the quenching darkness below. Humbled by our hubris, longing tempered by shame, we may do naught but look on, at a world undone by a moment's thoughtless impulse.

Still it calls to me, still do I covet its purifying flames - for how sweetly we might sing, in the shadow of that sinful sun!

______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 73

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[tomyenemys]

Why do I have to feel so ugly all the time