#Save The Marriage Review

[capricornlevi]

nanami x reader - w.c 3k, marraige of convenience, mentions of societal pressure but everything is consensual!, nsfw, mdni!

without even meeting him, you agreed to marry nanami kento without any expectations of future love, romantic or otherwise.

the pairing is advantageous for the both of you; you get access to the impressive nanami family fortune that has grown substantially now that kento is managing it, while he gets to enjoy a close association with your prestigious family and the subsequent educational opportunities that your children will benefit from. it's sensible and by far the best option you'd been presented with.

you've exchanged letters with him, polite and concise. you can read between the lines and see that he shares a disillusioned view of jujutsu society, but is more than willing to step up for the good of his family.

you weren't coerced by anyone. far from it -- your mother and father had sat you down and asked if you were sure, that they would understand if you wanted to take more time or to choose a different path for yourself altogether.

but you know the rest of society would not be so kind or understanding. marriage between two sorcerers, as antiquated as it seems, is how you survive amongst all of these competitive, power-hungry families.

from what you've read and heard about him, nanami will provide stability. he's progressive in his thinking, and so wont expect anything from you that he wouldn't be willing to do as well. you've learned that he's a teacher at tokyo tech, and has received glowing reviews; he'll be a good father.

and so on this misty thursday morning, you lay eyes on your fiancé for the first time as he slips a ring on your finger and promises to stay by your side forever.

the ceremony is as bare-bones as your reputation will allow. the guest list doesn't hit the triple digits, a huge departure from society norms, but representatives from the major houses sit in floral-clad wooden chairs to watch you repeat the words that the officiant speaks in your direction.

nanami takes your hands in his. they're warm, which is nice. this dress isn't designed for November weather, but it's an heirloom -- and truthfully, you're glad to be wearing it. you'd never given much thought to a wedding, but it makes your mother and grandmother very happy.

you'd be lying if you said you weren't relieved to discover how handsome nanami is. you were previously shown a few polaroids of him -- staff pictures, mostly, but some with the rest of his family -- and had known he wasn't bad-looking, but the pictures weren't clear enough to give you a proper understanding of his looks.

his blond hair is styled neatly, not a hair out of place. he has nice features, strong jawline and cheekbones, and soft eyes, a good combination. you know his gaze can be piercing when he wants it to be, but now, he looks at you gently.

you know you made the right decision.

more vows, a kiss, and you're married.

___

the reception goes mercifully smoothly. the mix of guests -- powerful sorcerer family heads, rich businesspeople, and just a few of your personal friends -- didn't appear to gel too well on paper, but they mostly stick to their own factions. you greet them all until your vocal cords grow tired.

a meal is served on plates so ornate it makes you feel awkward eating off them. you nurse a glass of wine for most of the evening and nanami does the same, politely waving off the servers who approach to refill his glass.

a promising sign that he doesn't feel the need to drown his sorrows. this is a marriage of convenience, yes, but you'd like to be able to get along reasonably well with your spouse.

and, to his credit, he's been making light conversation with you all evening. he doesn't dip into deep or uncomfortable topics like your marriage or future plans, figuring that's best saved for later, but he asks you questions about yourself. by the end of the evening, you feel safe enough to allude to your desire for a future somewhat outside society's norms -- "I've always wanted to travel, honestly. maybe ... spend a few years abroad" -- and, to your pleasant surprise, he doesn't rebuff them. if anything, he seems somewhat pleased.

you have another glass of wine and before you know it, it's the early hours of the morning. you're nowhere near tipsy but feel ready for bed, ready to wipe off this makeup and slip into something more comfortable; thankfully, guests have started to slip out one by one, with only immediate family remaining.

your unpleasant and friendless older cousin makes a joke about you needing to say your goodbyes to 'go please your husband', and nanami's face sours for the first time all evening. your cousin notices and sheepishly takes a drink, mumbling something about it being his time to leave too.

with some final hugs to your respective families, it's time to leave with ...

... with your husband.

in his last letter before the wedding, nanami agreed that your city-centre apartment would be the best place to live in the first few weeks of your marriage, until you find somewhere more permanent that suits you both, and so that's where you go.

you show him around each room, including some storage space where his luggage had been delivered this morning. interspersed with some more small talk, you explain that although it's small, it's well placed for both of you to get to work. he smiles and nods, thanking you with a warmth that doesn't feel forced.

you offer him some tea or whiskey; he says he's fine.

you yawn. he loosens his tie, clearly exhausted himself.

the last room you show him is your bedroom, and it becomes harder and harder not to address the elephant in the room. there's very clearly no second bed, no room for him to stay that wouldn't necessitate a lot of closeness between the two of you.

the silence hangs heavy and loaded, both of you waiting for the other to speak.

well. this is one issue you hadn't covered before the ceremony.

you have no issue with a sexual relationship -- in fact, you're somewhat looking forward to it, having spent the evening admiring the way nanami's shirt hugs his strong arms and chest. but you're not sure if tonight, the first night you've ever met, is the best night to start.

sure, the concept of the wedding night speaks for itself, but it's not as black-and-white in your situation. he might want to spend some time settling in, first. he might not even be that interested in you.

"want me to take the couch?" he asks quietly, with no hint of resentment or offence in his voice. he makes the offer with a sincerity you haven't heard from a man in a long time.

you don't break your silence, but not because you're uncomfortable or anything of the sort -- you're just assessing your options.

"there's nothing i expect from you, just so you know," he continues, and you turn your head to face him, seeing his eyes scan your face for any sign of unease. "the last thing i want is for you to do ... this ... out of obligation or pressure. we have a lifetime to get to know each other, to reach that point -- i want you to be comfortable around me."

your upbringing has made you a sceptic, a pessimist at times, but for some reason, you believe him. maybe it's the look in his eyes, or the fact that he's taken your hand in his own, interlocking your fingers, but there's something about him that sets him aside from normal sorcerers.

he seems real. he seems as though, powers and fortunes and family names aside, he has some substance about him.

"do you want to?" you ask then, voice almost inaudible quiet from a day spent conversing with guests at your wedding.

he doesn't hear you, so he dips his head in your direction; you repeat yourself and wait, hoping you hadn't pressed the issue.

his composure doesn't crack, but something flashes in his eyes as he processes your question. he has such control over the movements of his features, over every expression in his body, except for his eyes, you think.

maybe you just happen to be good at reading him.

he mulls it over for a second, his grip on your hand never slacking.

"i want to," he finally admits. "i've wanted to for a while, truthfully. I've spent a lot of late nights picturing how it would feel to be inside you, to hear what my name sounds like when you say it. but i only want that if you want it too."

you smile without meaning to. "you imagined that from just reading a few letters?"

"yes, and it's a testament to my trust in my new wife that I'm telling you that," he replies, still polite but tinged with amusement.

it feels strange standing at your bedroom doorway, hand in hand with this almost-stranger, imagining what it would be like to indulge in these thoughts you've both been having, spending your first night together tangled up in the sheets and allowing some of the indulgence you've long denied yourself.

duty gets tiring. for a long time, you've been unsure what it feels like to genuinely want something.

now, you're pretty sure it feels something like this. it's organic and unforced, a natural desire that sends heat curling in the pit of your stomach.

wordlessly, you guide nanami into your room, closing the door behind you. there's a hint of a smile on his lips as you ask him for help to untie your wedding dress, the intricate pattern of buttons trailing up your spine proving too technical for your own hands. he's methodical in his work, careful to not damage the delicate clasps.

soon your dress is loose around your hips, your chest covered by the thin slip you wore underneath. you set the garment carefully aside before returning the favour and starting to undo nanami's shirt, avoiding eye contact as your hands expose more and more of his bare chest.

you want to do this, you know that for sure, but that doesn't mean you won't feel a bit of awkwardness at the start. you're not well practiced, having had too busy a life for romantic relationships until now. you hope that instinct will kick in sooner than later, but you've no doubt nanami will help you along the way.

when you finally build up the nerve to glance up at him as he shrugs off the shirt, he's looking at you as though you're the only person he ever wants touching him.

you hear the soft clink of metal and realise he's undoing his belt.

"are you sure?" he asks one more time.

that one question, and the earnestness with which he speaks, erases the last shred of doubt you had. you place your trust in him for the second time today.

you nod and reach across to his belt in the same breath, helping him pull it free from the loops to be tossed by the armchair near your desk.

you move as though controlled by something other than yourself, the decisions coming so naturally it feels as though you've been imagining it for weeks as well.

and maybe you have, you think to yourself, as you confidently guide him back slowly until he's sitting down on the plush armchair, his suit pants still on as you crawl onto his lap, pressing your chest against his. the thin fabric of your slip means you can feel the heat of his body against your skin, nipples hardening as they graze against his muscles.

you've just about balanced yourself, carefully perched on his lap when you feel his hand on the nape of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss that has you grinding against his thighs before you can even catch your breath.

you've never been kissed like this. the few kisses you've had before have been with partners who see you as a means to an end, be it for your family name, your reputation, or just for sex. you've never been kissed by someone who seems to get more from your pleasure than from his own.

you now know he meant it when he said he's been picturing this.

you kiss him for as long as you can, and you're not sure if it's for seconds, minutes, hours. you kiss him until there's a heat burning between your thighs you can no longer stand, that you need to have satiated by the visible, prominent bulge in the front of his suit pants.

when you finally break away, lips numb and kiss-slick, nanami's hair is touselled - you don't remember running your hands through them, but you must have at some point - and he reaches up to run his fingers under the straps of your slip, asking with his eyes if he can guide them off your shoulders.

you nod, and your chest is exposed to the cool night air for a split second before nanami's mouth is on one of your nipples, tongue circling the sensitive skin and making you cry out.

one of the words you moan must be his name, because you feel him smile as he turns his attention towards the other nipple, hands now at the small of your back to keep you close to him.

you can't take it much longer. you need to be touched so badly, you didn't even think you were capable of wanting it this much -- and you only want him to do it, now and maybe forever.

maybe he can read your mind or maybe you babbled out the request, but nanami finally takes pity on you, giving your nipple one final lick before resting his shoulders back against the cushion of the armrest and sliding his hands up your thighs, hooking your underwear with his fingers -- you lift your hips up to let him slip them off.

his composure slips further when he finally touches you between your legs, feeling how wet you've gotten for him, seeing how you react when he slips his index finger inside.

your head falls back and you hold a breath, focusing all of your attention on the sensation of him inside you, on the way he curls the digit ever-so-slightly before pulling it out and fucking you with two this time, almost -- almost -- tipping you over the edge.

"such a pretty wife," he mumbles almost under his breath, voice and gaze reverent as he watches you rock yourself against his hand. "my beautiful, perfect wife, aren't you?"

you want to answer him but can't, lungs feeling near-empty as you fumble with the buttons of his pants.

"i will never be able to think of anything else but you, i think," he muses, half-smiling. "you in my lap ... you making those pretty little noises ... i might be a ruined man, you know. and I'm glad of it."

he only stops speaking when you finally get your hand on his clothed cock, his breath catching in his throat as you trace it with your fingers.

you want tonight, the first of many times together, to start with you cumming on your husband's cock.

nanami just watches as you finally pull him out of his underwear, his length thick and hard in your hand as you give it a few messy strokes. it's all the both of you can manage before you need to have it inside you -- you shift your hips to sit on it, nanami's eyes fixed on the site of the head slipping inside.

it's a stretch, as you expected, but one you've been craving since you closed the bedroom door. you take him inch by inch, lowering yourself down as his breath quickens, clearly battling the urge to thrust up inside you.

but he's careful with you, and doesn't want to hurt you. his wife.

you lift yourself up too much and his cock slips out, slapping aginst his stomach and you nearly cry at the sudden emptiness, eager and clumsy as you guide him back inside you.

he kisses you when you sink down next, tongue massaging your own until the feeling of almost-too-full turns to a perfect, satisfying heat in your core.

eventually you're ready to quicken the pace, bouncing on his cock before long, your mind working too fast for you to keep up as you see nanami's cheekbones flush pink, his pupils dark as you ride him until your thighs ache.

you power through the sensation, nanami helping you along by meeting your hips with his, his thumb tracing uneven circles on your puffy clit. he calls you perfect and other beautiful words; you don't say anything besides more, more and, soon after, nearly there, nearly there, please, please, I'm so close --

your entire body lights up with the most wonderful sensation, hitting you like a wave and sweeping you away in its warm glow, with nanami's hands now on your hips, guiding your movements in exactly the way you need it -- not too hard, not too slow, not too fast.

you're still pulsing around him when you feel his body stiffen, his strong thighs tensing as he groans through gritted teeth. he pulls you in for a crushing kiss as he finishes, filling you up and thrusting as deep as he can until oversensitivity takes over.

the afterglow has you a contented and exhausted mess, muscles aching but satisfied in a way you'll spend forever seeking.

reluctantly, you slip off his cock to retake your place on his lap, marvelling at how undone you both have become, a far cry from your perfect wedding appearance.

you look perfect to him, though, you know as much from the kiss he presses to your sweaty forehead and the way his arm wraps around your shoulders.

"we didn't even make it to the bed," you observe, eyebrows raising as you finally return to your own body. "i ... wasn't expecting that."

"we have a lifetime to spend in bed," he replies, a smile in his voice.

and once again, for reasons you still don't understand, you believe him.

[recycledraccoon]

Twitch Streamer Mary Ann Skuttle AU

She almost exclusively plays video games, tho sometimes she reviews the quality and cuteness of plushies. Sometimes she updates people on her quokki pet's level or how her personal AC Island looks, or her longest running Stardew Farm. (Maru IS her favorite Stardew marriageable NPC because it reminds her of her "loser boyfriend".)

Sometimes she gets her friends to play games with her on stream, or they're just in the background hanging out. Once when a game comes out that Mary Ann is legit excited for (in her own way) everyone gathers in a little watch party in the background with snacks as they settle in for the Marathon stream about to happen.

If she misses some streams she probably tosses out a simple update about her and her friends being on a quest or something similar that she implies is kinda lame. Her watchers KNOW she's an adventurer but there is never any elaboration.

They also know she has a boyfriend but known VERY little about him.

Loser Boyfriend™️ Confirmed Facts

1. Loser

2. His quokki pets gameplay is trash

3. Also an adventurer ig

4. Plays drums sometimes

5. They officially met when she curb-stomped his ass at a sports tryouts and he got mad. (No elaboration)

6. He made her a switch capable of running ROMhacks and mods.

7. Half-orc. The only times they have ever seen him is once or twice when he wordlessly hands her a mango soda from off screen. They have an entire emote of his hand with the soda bottle they spam sometimes. (#bottleboi)

Which is to say when Gorgug shows up in the background of the stream one day, cause Mary Ann rearranged or was streaming from somewhere else temporarily, people start freaking out.

Mary Ann notices but only comments "yeah, that's my loser boyfriend. Don't worry about it."

THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE MARY ANN!!!

THAT'S GORGUG THISTLESPRING, FAMOUS 4X WORLD SAVING RENOWN ADVENTURER BEFORE HE EVEN FINISHED HIGHSCHOOL, THE FIRST EVER BARBIFICER IN THE WORLD, AND GODDAMN FAMOUS ROCK STAR.

YOU CALL HIM YOUR LOSER BOYFRIEND?????

"His quokki pets gameplay is trash."

MA'AM-

[thedas-elf-lover]

A slightly deranged review from a long time Dragon Age fan.

What this game promised to be in terms of a Dragon Age game: - Most romantic - Offer a few key world state choices that would have great plot impact, which emphasis on wanting to give players choices that have a visual impact, not just codex. - The most complex, deep companions yet. - Choices that matter.

What I got: [SPOILERS] - The shortest, chastest romances I've ever seen, where the end goal is quite literally sex. The final romance scene is the sex scene, after you've been locked in for some time. No sex before marriage, lol. Even the shortest romance in DAI is longer than the longest romance in this game. It's probably the least sex positive game out of them all. - The only choice that has visual impact is the Solas option, and even that doesn't really give anything major. Solas has maybe one unique line? Otherwise, there is no major change. The other two choices (Did you disband the Inquisition? Did you vow to save or stop Solas?) have no difference, either. It's a matter of do you want your Inquisitor to say "comrade" or "friend." The Inquisition doesn't matter. The South gets nuked off-screen anyway. In codex. So two of the three world state choices we get are mostly represented in codexes anyway. - I have nothing against the companions in Veilguard, but to call them the most complex is somewhat... false. Solas is a complex character. Thom Ranier is complex. Vivienne de Fer is complex. Fenris, Anders, Merrill, Isabela, Morrigan, and Sten are complex characters. They are characters who contain complexities that are not easily swept away. ALL the Veilguard companions are your next door neighbors. They're normal. There's nothing wrong about that, but they don't challenge you. There's nothing to think about. Lucanis isn't going to make you seriously consider your morality, despite being the "prince" of the Crows - hired killers. Neve's standing and possible privilege as a human mage in a magocracy is never commented on. These are just two examples, but the same applies for the rest of the companions. None of them are HIDING anything. I will reiterate that there's not anything necessarily WRONG with that, but it does mean they lack the flare of drama that previous companions had that made them brain-scratchers. - Choices don't matter. No matter what Rook does or says, you're railroaded into a scrappy, heroic person who is always right. The worst thing you can do in this game is just NOT do the companion quests. - Despite being a RPG, there is no roleplaying. It's more action/adventure. But it gets a little slow in places for an action/adventure. And it doesn't have enough roleplay value to be a satisfying RPG. - Pretty much the only reason I can see replaying this game is to see the opposite city routes. You don't have to finish the game to get the full romance, either. - No lore continuity. Elves, qunari, dwarves, and humans just living in peace in Tevinter. Some fantasy where poor communities aren't racist doesn't explain this away. - Orientalism in Rivain? - Reducing what was originally a story about slave liberation and rebellion to "love and murder" over Solas' ex situationship. - The game can understand gender that exists outside a binary but somehow can't understand multiculturalism. - Why does Bellara, a Dalish elf, have white guilt?

Some disorganized additions:

- Tonal whiplash. You go from losing a supposedly beloved companion to the final romance scene (the sex scene) in the space of 5 second. - You can't speak to your companions outside cutscenes. However, you can go around the Lighthouse snooping on your companions having nice conversations amongst themselves. - Not a SINGLE companion bothers to check in on the PC even once. You played as a Grey Warden who lost Weisshaupt? No one cares. Emmrich will check in on Davrin but not you. The only point in the game where they show even a smidgeon of care for you is after the Regret Prison, but they don't actually show it. You're pulled out and it immediately cuts to a war table scene. No emotional reunions. - This is Found Family - but only for the companions. Bellara has the opportunity to see Neve as a sister figure, but not you. This could roll into the lack of roleplay value in this game, but it really adds to the lonely element of this game. - "Okay guys, we lost the big game. Let's all take a step back and do some self-care exercises." But the game is Weisshaupt and the South is getting nuked. - Characters often feel like caricatures of themselves. Oftentimes this game feels like a fanfiction of the story and characters it's representing. Some of the things the characters say are not things that normal people would say. Because Rook never builds more than an entirely superficial relationship with their coworkers, it's entirely believable that the most moving thing Rook can think to say, whenever the obligatory Sad Moment happens to a companion, is "[Insert Name Here], I'm so sorry." - You could replace the Inquisitior with a cardboard cut out and it would have more life. - We already had a story about a disapproving parent who is hurtful to their queer child with Dorian. There was a missed opportunity with Shathann to explore the Qunari's view on gender, but only the Tevinter characters are allowed to talk to Taash about different gender identities. When Shathann talks about qunari gender identity, it's oppression. This game's handle on cultural identity is awful. And then they fridged Shathann. - Did you know Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain, the ancient elven gods (we won't say Evanuris even though that's shorter and more believable to Andrastians who might balk at the idea of ELVEN gods), have escaped from their prison and are blighting the world? The elven gods escaped and they're blighting the world, because they're blighted and escaped prison and are elven gods and are blighting the world, Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain, those gods, who are elven, and escaped and are blighting the world. - This game is Young Adult. This game is YA with all the darker, grittier elements from the previous game filed away, presented as "politically correct" with "ethical piracy" with no continuity in characterization because Isabela Dragon Age 2 would NOT say any of that. It's if Genshin Impact was a Dragon Age game, complete with the canned body language (cross arms). - The villains are one-dimensional. Aelia's "Minrathous dark truth" AKA Batman villain, Butcher dies after 1 moment of glory, the Dragon King is nothing sauce, if Elgar'nan was just a little bit more intelligent he'd have just smashed that moon into Thedas and called it a day, Illario's speech is ripped right from the Lion King. Gone are the days where antagonists had complex reasons for their actions. Gone are the days where characters were put into situations were there was NO good choice for them to make and we could judge them with the nuance they deserved. - Also did you know: Whatever it takes?

On the bright side, the CC is great.

[dandelionjack]

alison’s friendly and personable and well-meaning and all but she’s also a devious schemer who doesn’t seem to be aware of how insane her plans sound from an outside pov. it’s not talked about enough. what do you mean slash the tires of the couple staying at your airbnb to save their marriage so they leave you a good review. i wouldn’t be surprised if miss lucy scammer was an actual relative of hers. and this isn’t a criticism if anything it’s a compliment i love mildly unhinged women

[uyuforu]

ik this topic wasn’t in the polls you did but maybe a observation post on profection years would be very informative!! considering there really isn’t any here and you’d be the best one to start!! (if you do do them pls use this in the post as an example 😭😭 leo 12th house because i’m this )( close to entering it)

Profection Years Observations

All pictures were found on Pinterest

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Astro Observations XI

જ⁀➴ Why your Birthday is your Persona New Year

જ⁀➴ Solar Return IV

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✮⋆˙ What's a Profection Year?

Annual Profections are based on Astrology, and mostly on our ages and houses. Basically, this tool explains that depending on which age (and so birthdays) we are, we embody a certain house that year. For example, when you will turn 25, you'll embody the 2H more. It usually means you'll probably be more focus on savings, money, perhaps making more money this year, or also changing the way you manage your money, etc. Each House has a different meaning. Of course, this doesn't mean you will need to wait to be on a certain house to do something. It just means as an individual, those houses will represent your more intern focus. And it may actually go naturally, without you need to force anything. Life is most likely to put you through certain transformations based on the houses' themes.

✮⋆˙ How can I read my Profection Year?

꩜ Calculate your Annual Profections here.

꩜ The calculation technique here is based in Whole Signs, as it is more easy to determine your houses' traditional rulers and knowing which is your profection year.

꩜ For each houses, there is a specific theme, but it's not the only thing to look at. We also need to look at the sign ruling your house and the planet that also rules it. It will make the prediction of your projection year more personal and accurate to you.

꩜ To know which sign and planet rules over each house, it's better for you to calculate your profection year with the link above. It's determined by the rising sign.

꩜ So basically: check your age to see in which house it is in, check the sign and planet ruling this house to make a whole prediction of what can happen to you this year. Also don't forget this is just a theme of the year, Solar Return and more can help you to know what will happen. Also check where the planet that rules your profection house is in your chart.

꩜ Example: This year I am in my 2nd house profection year, and since I am Libra rising, my 2H is ruled by Scorpio, so planet ruler is Mars. This year will be so focused on my money, my stability, and my security in my life. Because it is ruled by Mars and Scorpio, it will be a very transformative year, perhaps also I'll feel like I need to get more money, I could feel more ambitious. Yet, my Mars is in my 1H, so my self and identity will be related to the key theme of this year. This could be a year where I'll have financial difficulties but my money situation could also transform. I'll think of my own stability this year, perhaps live situations that will make me feel like I should focus a lot on my own stability.

✮⋆˙ Key Themes for Each Profection Years based on Houses

꩜ 1H: A year about you, who you are, self, your personal identity, new beginnings. ꩜ 2H: Money, financial year, stability, security, possessions. ꩜ 3H: Communication, friends, siblings, ideas, contracts, learning. ꩜ 4H: Family, home life, stability, parents, children, long term projects, possible pregnancy. ꩜ 5H: Romance, flirts, creativity, imagination, pregnancy, children, having fun. ꩜ 6H: Health, routine, healing, work, supporting yourself or others. ꩜ 7H: Marriage, relationships, partnerships, contracts, romance, enemies. ꩜ 8H: Transformation, endings, rebirth, money, more other people's money, spirituality, new beginnings. ꩜ 9H: Travels, learning, philosophy, spirituality, beliefs, studying. ꩜ 10H: Work, contracts, reputation, legacy, public life. ꩜ 11H: Friends, social medias, communities, dreams. ꩜ 12H: Endings, spiritual year, religious year, addictions, self-reflection, leaving old patterns.

✮⋆˙ Key Themes for Each Profection Years based on Signs & Planets

꩜ Aries/ Mars: A year about you, who you are, self, ambitions, fast energy, conflicts, arguments, fast things, change. ꩜ Taurus/ Venus: Money, financial year, stability, security, possessions, beauty, romance, daily life, long term plans. ꩜ Gemini/ Mercury: Communication, friends, siblings, ideas, contracts, learning, social medias, writing, creativity, studying. ꩜ Cancer/ Moon: Family, home life, stability, parents, children, long term projects, possible pregnancy. ꩜ Leo/ Sun: Romance, flirts, creativity, imagination, having fun, being seen, being popular, reputation, fame, success. ꩜ Virgo/ Mercury: Health, routine, healing, work, supporting yourself or others, learning, studying, writing. ꩜ Libra/ Venus: Marriage, relationships, partnerships, contracts, romance, enemies, balance, beauty, glow up. ꩜ Scorpio/ Mars: Transformation, endings, rebirth, money, more other people's money, spirituality, new beginnings, conflicts, arguments, change. ꩜ Sagittarius/ Jupiter: Travels, learning, philosophy, spirituality, beliefs, studying, life lessons. ꩜ Capricorn/ Saturn: Work, contracts, reputation, legacy, public life, hard work, obstacles, life lessons. ꩜ Aquarius/ Saturn: Friends, social medias, communities, dreams, obstacles, life lessons. ꩜ Pisces/ Jupiter: Endings, spiritual year, religious year, addictions, self-reflection, leaving old patterns, dreams, travels, subconscious, life lessons.

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✮⋆˙ Observations

꩜ᝰ. When I was in my 1H Profection Year, I had a glow up, mostly since I'm a Libra Rising, and so my 1H is ruled by Venus. I was also self reflecting a lot, thinking of myself and I thought of what I wanted to become a lot.

꩜ᝰ. In the 12H PY, I had some hard time actually, yet I ended some toxic cycles in my life.

꩜ᝰ. The year I met my FS online I was an 11H PY, and I have Venus in my 11H. We met online first.

꩜ᝰ. The year I met my FS in real life I was in my 12H PY. It was indeed a very important time since this house is about endings and new beginnings.

꩜ᝰ. The year I had my first love story with someone, I was an 8H PY, and Venus rules over my 8H.

꩜ᝰ. The house that Leo rules over in your chart (and so Sun) could be the Profection year where you have the most success.

꩜ᝰ. If you are searching for a year where you could marry or get proposed to, a Jupiter or a Venus ruled House could be the one. Saturn is also an option since it's a planet related to long term plans and stability.

꩜ᝰ. A 7H PY doesn't mean necessarily to enter a relationship.

꩜ᝰ. Entering in your Moon/ Cancer ruled House in PY means you have more chances to move houses.

꩜ᝰ. You could get married during a year where you are Venus or Jupiter ruled, but also a year which ruler (planet) is in your 7H or conjunct Venus.

꩜ᝰ. It is more likely to be pregnant or have a baby in a 4H or 5H PY.

꩜ᝰ. Yet, it's not always the case, you can also be pregnant or have a baby in a PY where your House ruler conjunct your Moon. For example, if you have Saturn conjunct Moon, you could get pregnant or have a child during a PY with Saturn ruling your House.

꩜ᝰ. You can also get pregnant or have a baby in the PY with the planet that rules over your 5H. For example, if in your NC, your 5H is in Aries, and you are in a house profection ruled by Mars, this could be a good timing.

꩜ᝰ. It seems quite common to meet your FS on a 12H PY, since this house represents endings and new beginnings.

꩜ᝰ. Otherwise, it could also be a Venus ruled House in PY.

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[soobnara]

like clockwork / c.sb

soobin x reader

summary: in a world where love is given an expiration date, you find your forever home in an unexpected place.

word count: 10.1k

tags: soulmate!au, best friends to lovers, mostly romance + fluff, fake dating if you squint, reader is afab w/ gender neutral pronouns + fem terms (noona) used

author's note: finally got around to finishing this... it's been a long while coming and i couldn't get myself to write for various reasons and i'm so happy it's all done and out there! (also for any black mirror fans out there, yes this is loosely based on the 'hang the dj' episode but way more lighthearted and with a dash of soulmate brainrot) hope you enjoy and wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season <3

For as long as Soobin can remember, he’s been counting down the days. 

To summer vacation, to the end of his shift at his part time job, to the start of a long awaited trip, to anything. But there’s something else that counts down on his behalf, something that he doesn’t particularly want to count.

That something is inlaid in a nondescript watch wrapped around his wrist. Everyone gets one once they turn 18, and as far as he’s concerned, its only purpose is to ruin relationships. The cruel hands of time assign a “best by” date to each romantic encounter, flashing on the screen from the first meeting, with each failure promising to lead the user closer and closer to their fated lover. If you ask Soobin, it’s all bullshit. How would a stupid watch know anything about fate, anyways?

It’s a typical Thursday night, and Soobin’s mindlessly scrolling through Time to Love, the government mandated dating app that all phones come with, as per usual when he can’t decide on something to watch. He has yet to meet the weekly two date quota, having only gone on one on Tuesday (important to note that he’s already forgotten his name), and he’s running out of time, and he really can’t afford to pay that 100,000 won fine this week. Well, he can’t afford to pay it at any point in time, but this week’s been especially rough on him, and he doesn’t want to shell out any more of his meager savings just because he couldn’t get a date, of all things. 

The names and faces on his phone screen are a blur as his thumb swipes left aimlessly– he doesn’t really give that much of a shit who he ends up with, because at the end of the day, he’ll say “No” when the app asks him if he’d liked them and give them a terrible review saying they were incompatible, because frankly, the algorithm seems to always be wrong when it comes to his matches. Either that, or it’s because he cares so little that he doesn’t bother properly vetting his matches.

He’s resigned himself to his fate anyways; he’ll fill up his progress bar with a bunch of shitty matches until the algorithm decides it’s time for him to settle down, then when he finds his “soulmate” (if you could even call it that), he’ll just be doomed to a loveless arranged marriage set in place by a computer and die unhappy. He can’t envision happiness ever coming out of something so lifeless, so cold, so that’s just how it has to be. At least it gives him something to do instead of rewatching the same three anime series over and over again.

Whatever– he’ll just swipe right on the next person and go on yet another unmemorable date tomorrow. Lee Saerom, the profile reads. She’s exceptionally pretty, he has to admit, and she’s an artist, (and she’s older, but don’t ask him about that) so he’ll just ask her about her work and let her ramble for the allotted two hours while he smiles and nods.

He swipes right, and a bright pink heart pattern fills his screen, signifying a successful match. Obnoxious. It’s replaced with a time and a place, and he lets out a groan. Congratulations! Your date is scheduled for 6pm, at the Coffee Shop. He was supposed to meet you at 7 tomorrow for your usual Friday night updates. 

Fuck. What if the date goes on longer than an hour?

He’s never been late for your weekly meetups, but he figures you’ll understand, since it’s completely out of his control.

Surely you won’t kill him, right?

Just in case, he recites a prayer to himself before he tucks in for the night.

You’re already nursing your third vodka soda of the night and Soobin is still nowhere to be found, which is unusual. He’s never been the most punctual person, but standing you up for an hour after your usual meeting time isn’t like him, either. He said he’d be late, but he didn’t specify how late… you’ll grill him later when he explains himself, and you’ll make him buy you a drink or two as compensation. With the comfort of a free drink in mind, you’re about to order your fourth round when Soobin finally stumbles in through the door of the bar, eyes scanning each booth until his gaze lands on you, and with an apologetic smile, he’s sliding into the seat across from you. 

He gestures to your glass, brow curled upwards, which you know means he’s teasing you. “What number is this one, noona? You always polish these things off like they’re nothing.”

“This is number three, with number four on the way, and that’s because they are. You owe me at least two for taking so long to get here, asshole.” You let out an indignant huff as you slurp the last of the cocktail through your straw, lips jutting in a comical pout.

“Okay, okay. Next one’s on me.” Soobin relents with an endeared laugh, waving down the waitstaff and ordering a beer for himself, along with another vodka soda for you. 

“Okay, now spill.”

“What? Am I supposed to have some hot gossip for you? Don’t make me guess about what drama I’ve somehow found myself in on accident.” He’s visibly confused, brows knitted together, and you roll your eyes at him.

“Obviously the only reason you would ever skip out on your dear noona was if TTL scheduled you for a date during our usual time, so spill. How bad was this one?” 

His lips part in understanding, (you can practically see the figurative lightbulb flickering on) head bobbing in an exaggerated nod before pulling his phone out, hand outstretched to show you his date’s profile. “I mean, she was okay, I guess. Pretty girl, and she was older, but she spent the entirety of our time slot babbling about her latest art project and how it’s supposedly going to blow away the industry. Which is fine, I guess, because you know I hate talking on these dates, but if she said “brush technique” and “negative space” one more time I think I would’ve tried to drown myself in my caffe mocha. The app thought so too, I guess, because when we checked our expiration date, it was exactly an hour from the start time, so it’s not like I missed out on my forever soulmate or whatever.”

Each TTL date is scheduled for an arbitrary amount of time, depending on your expiration date, which is determined from the first moment you meet– sometimes it’s just a few minutes, an hour or two, and anything longer than 24 hours is given a two hour time slot maximum. There’s supposedly an extremely rare case where you aren’t given an expiration date from the get go, regardless of your progress, meaning that you’ve found your soulmate by sheer luck, but it’s almost unheard of– most people don’t find their soulmates until they’ve completely filled up their bars, something about needing ample data to calculate optimal compatibility.

You ogle at his phone screen for a bit– she really was stunning– then guffaw at the thought of Soobin nodding halfheartedly, listening to a pretty girl talk his ear off, when most men would probably kill to be in his position. “Damn, if even an older woman that pretty can’t hold your attention, and the app confirms that, you know it’s bad… So, where does that put your progress at? Weren’t you at like, 80% last week?”

Soobin’s face practically scrunches in on itself at your remark, tapping the app once more to check his updated progress bar. “I’m going to ignore that. I’m at… 88% after I reviewed Saerom and that guy from earlier in the week. Guess it wasn’t a total waste if I got 8% closer to completion. What are you at now?”

You lift your phone to open TTL, your progress bar only having inched 2% closer to completion after your date yesterday. “75% now. I think the algorithm is personally fucking me over, or something. My last few matches have been nice enough, but I cannot keep up with their energy. It’s wringing me dry. I must be the only person in the entire world who doesn’t want a golden retriever for a partner. My date yesterday just about knocked me out for good, he was that energetic.”

“Tell me about it,” Soobin commiserates. “I’ve very clearly expressed my distaste for bubbly and talkative people who probably peaked in high school, but that’s all they’re spitting out in my for you page. No offense to them, I don’t think I’ve met any straight up assholes since that one girl from last year, but it’s like the app is purposely recommending the most incompatible people to me– wait, yesterday? And I didn’t hear about this?”

You give him a pointed look, silently conveying that he also didn’t inform you of his date today until ten minutes ago. He gets the message and holds his hands up in defeat, then gestures for you to speak, dimples peeking out as he purses his lips. You sigh, rubbing your temples as you recall the most chaotic two hours of the week, maybe even your life.

“Okay, look… for the record, he was very nice to me, a perfect gentleman, but my god, could that guy talk. He was practically falling at his knees trying to impress me, which would’ve earned him a few points in my book, but his mouth was moving maybe five miles a minute at all times without a moment of rest. It was like watching a child hopped up on sugar, to be honest. He talked for forty whole minutes nonstop about pizza. Don’t even get me started on how passionate he was about his workout routine.”

Your drinks finally come around, and Soobin hands you your frosted glass, which you gratefully take a long sip out of before continuing. “And before you say anything, no, he was nothing like Kai. Also, Kai is literally like my child, and just because I babysat him all those years does not mean I want to date someone like him.”

Soobin parts his lips to respond, then scrunches his nose in distaste as you take the words right of his mouth, opting to down his drink instead. “You’re no fun.”

“But that’s why you love me, right?”

“Sure, noona, sure.”

“That’s it, asshole, you owe me another drink.”

Sunday rolls around, which means you’ve got to start scoping out this week’s dates– you hate leaving anything to the last minute, and you like to leave the end of your week as free as possible (no one is prying your precious rest time from you, not even a beautiful person with the world’s best personality). 

Which means you’re mindlessly swiping through a sea of profiles, hoping you find someone that’s at least remotely interesting. You’re prepared for a long night of doom scrolling, but you stop cold in your tracks as you come across a familiar name and face, and a lump forms in your throat.

Choi Soobin.

The algorithm is really fucking with you now. It has to be. You’ve never once even considered your best friend as a potential suitor, not because he isn’t insanely attractive and charming (and funny, and easy to talk to, and…), but because he’s your best friend. You’ve known him for so long, you’ve seen him cry when he couldn’t get the Pokemon card he wanted when he was young enough to need allowance to buy it, and he’s seen you for long enough to know you threw the nastiest toddler tantrums over being denied an ice cream purchase– the point is that you know him a little too well, and you know from experience that that’s not always ideal in romance. 

But you have been having terrible luck with your matches for so long, and two hours of Soobin’s undivided attention doesn’t seem so bad, and it would be a good time, at least…

You kick yourself mentally for even thinking of it. He’s your best friend, for god’s sake.

Yet your thumb continues to hover over his profile, quivering as you make the motion to swipe right on him without touching the screen. The guilt and the risk of maybe ruining your friendship forever clearly isn’t enough to stop you from considering him. 

The gentle, familiar smile that he’s sporting in his profile picture pierces your heart, and you’re not sure why. Maybe you’ve always had a thing for him unconsciously, maybe you just want someone who actually gets you, maybe you’re just running out of options. Or maybe you’re just tired of chasing after something you know is futile, and you want to take a chance on something, on someone, that might actually be good for you. On someone that you know would be good to you, and for you.

And so, with bated breath, you swipe right.

[Time to Love: Y/N has liked you! Open the app for more details.]

To say Soobin is struck with disbelief would be an understatement. He’s practically gaping at his phone, and he knows you’d be laughing your ass off and making fun of him if you could see him. But it’s precisely that typical flippant attitude of yours that’s got him perplexed about this development.

He’d be lying if he said he’s never once thought of you that way– he’s always thought you were pretty and kind hearted, despite your temper, and you’ve always been there for him, through thick and thin, even when he was being kind of a dick. That definitely counts for something. But he’s never thought about crossing that boundary, because 1) he’s not allowed to pursue anyone he doesn’t match with through the app anyways, and 2) matching with you could make or break your bond forever (he’s leaning towards break, though, because like he said, the watch is bullshit). In short, he’s a fucking coward and a little too cynical for his own good. 

But here it is, an opportunity for a date with you, in all its glory, and initiated by you, no less. He should be celebrating, or at least hyped up, because maybe it’ll all work out, maybe this is the solution to all his lukewarm matches over the last few months, but instead he’s downright terrified. There’s absolutely no way that you both come out of this unscathed. There’s no such thing as a perfect forever if it’s decided by a computer. There can’t possibly be a happy ending at the end of this road.

He shakes his head, as if it would clear his head of the panicked thoughts. You’re still his best friend, at the end of the day, he tells himself, and he’s sure that you’ll fight just as hard as he will to keep him in your life. So he holds onto the tiniest sliver of hope that somehow your relationship doesn’t crash and burn spectacularly, opens the app, and swipes right on you.

Congratulations! Your date is scheduled for 3pm, at the Aquarium. 

A new notification pops up. Soobin’s heart stirs.

y/n noona: see you tomorrow ♥️

He feels guilty as a wave of excitement washes over him. He shouldn’t be feeling like this. You’re his best friend. His dear noona. He may as well be signing away your friendship for good. But it’d be worse if he didn’t match your enthusiasm.

soob: yup, see you tomorrow noona :]

It’s only 5 minutes past the scheduled meeting time, and already Soobin’s panicking that you’ve changed your mind and cancelled on him, writing this off as a mistake. He’s trying his very best to remain nonchalant, it’s just a date with his best friend, who he might have a sapling of a crush on, no big deal, right? Or maybe it is for the best if you cancel, then he’d have one less crippling fear to worry about.

He’s rethinking his outfit for the umpteenth time– he didn’t want to look like he was trying too hard, not in front of you because you’d probably think it was silly, but he also doesn’t want you thinking he shows up to dates looking like a slob. (For the record, he thinks he’s got a decent sense of fashion. He’s better than Kai, at least, though that isn’t saying much.) He’s internally debating if he should’ve gone with the navy polo shirt instead of the grey cardigan draped over his shoulders, or if he should’ve gone with the black slacks instead of the light wash jeans, but his jumbled thoughts dissipate as you tap on his shoulder, shit-eating grin and all. 

“What’s with you, Soob? You look like the fate of the universe depends on you, and you only have 5 minutes to save all of humanity.” You tease, nudging your shoulder against his. Oh, if only you knew what was really weighing on him.

He has half a mind to swat your shoulder, but he’s a little too aware that the two of you are supposed to be on a date, so instead he shoves his hands into his pockets. To his surprise, you’re more dressed up than usual, (he’s used to seeing you exclusively in oversized hoodies) and– wait, you two are practically matching, from the grey cardigan, light wash jeans, all the way down to the white sneakers. The only difference is that you’ve buttoned up your cardigan so that it functions more as a blouse, but you two clearly have definitely mastered the art of accidental couple looks.

“Okay, awkward… one of us has to change.” He teases in an attempt to ease his own racing mind, dimples peeking out as he stifles a laugh. You let out an indignant huff, pushing his massive frame with no success. He doesn’t even budge.

“Not my fault that you’re trying to steal my look. I wore it better, by the way,” You retort, but truth be told, you’re reeling at the sight of him. You’ve only ever seen him in his stuffy work attire and the worn-out, faded shirts he refuses to throw out, and seeing him in a comparably softer, more preppy look is making you see him with new eyes.

You shake your head, as if doing so will reset your perspective to factory settings and make you see him as just your best friend again. (spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Soobin is still handsome and he looks very cute, and you’re still very much affected by it.) “Okay, so. First things first. Should we check our apps? To see if, like, we’re compatible, or I don’t know.” Your voice is stiff, like you’re buffering, and you don’t think you’ve ever been this awkward around Soobin, at least not since the day you met.

Soobin turns up his nose in disagreement and covers his watch screen and yours. “Nah, that’s bullshit. It’s already all decided, isn’t it? It’s been decided from the second we stepped into the aquarium. No point in checking now, we should decide for ourselves if this is something we want to pursue, instead of letting some computer dictate that. When it’s over, it’s over, and we can just go back to being friends, right?”

“Well, I think it’s probably better to know when to give this a rest, instead of constantly wondering if my best friend is set to be my long-term romantic partner, or whatever.” You had a point. But a part of Soobin didn’t feel ready to face the fact that you might not want to see him again like this. A much smaller part of him is still fearful that you two might not be able to turn back from this.

“Okay, okay, fine. We can check it–but not now. If we make it to a third date, then we can check how long we have. But you have to be honest and not touch it whatsoever.” Soobin doesn’t make any move to mention that he isn’t interested in seeing you again, but you don’t want to just assume that he’s into you, so you test the waters.

“Okay, I promise to be honest. But why the third date? Are you really that keen on seeing me?” You’re trying to be teasing, but you feel more desperate than anything.

Soobin doesn’t answer for a moment, and you think that you’ve said the wrong thing. Just as you’re about to apologize, he replies, “If we make it to a third date… then I’ll know whether we’re actually giving this a proper shot and not just for shits and giggles or as an escape from our other failed connections.”

His sincerity both surprises and flatters you, and you can’t tell if you’re supposed to be frozen in shock or hugging him, or a secret third thing, so you just stay still, absently fiddling with your fingers.

When you look up again, Soobin’s holding out his hand, and you look at him with obvious confusion. Rolling his eyes, he takes your hand in his, lips pursed into a thin line. You want to make some clever jab at him, but his hands are warm and soft and they practically swallow up your much smaller ones, and you’re filled with a wash of emotions so intense that you can’t muster up the strength to retort.

Soobin notices that you’re still visibly perplexed, and he mutters. “We’re on a date, you know. We’ve got to act the part.” It’s a half truth at best; he does want to give this date a proper chance, but selfishly, he really just wants to hold your hand for two hours. If you catch onto his white lie, you don’t show it, but he doesn’t miss the rosy hue that colors your cheeks as you nod.

He’s right, you think– it is a date, and you’re the one who swiped on him first, so the least you can do is treat him like a possible suitor and not just your best friend. He deserves that much, at least, and you need to know whether this bundle of butterflies in your stomach is a passing feeling or a dull ache you’ve forgotten about, so you let him lead you into the dimly lit array of fish tanks.

You’re noticing a lot of things about Soobin.

You notice that Soobin’s eyes practically twinkle when he gets excited. It’s never been something you’ve taken note of, but you can’t help but notice it now, every time he points out a species of fish he recognizes. It’s cute. You’re not sure if you’re supposed to find your best friend cute, but you do.

You notice how his comically long fingers slot in between yours, and you’re really starting to like how it feels, though you’d die of embarrassment if you admitted as much. 

Not to mention he’s an absolutely perfect gentleman. He’s constantly asking you if you want something to eat, if you’re tired, if you’re cold, and you let him know that you’re fine each time. When you accidentally pull apart your shoelaces, he’s quick to kneel down and tie them up for you. When he stops to grab himself a bottle of juice, he offers one to you, too.

Had Soobin always been this pretty? So cute? And so sweet? How had you never taken notice of him like this all these years? (You know the answer to that, but you’re still surprised at what you’re noticing nonetheless.)

Soobin catches you staring at him while you’re both supposed to be looking at a school of clownfish, and you expect him to make some egotistical joke at your expense, but instead he gives you a warm smile, eyes crinkling into crescents, and god dammit to hell, you melt. 

The two hours pass by like nothing, and unlike your past few dates, you’re dreading the end of it, and you wish that the beep signifying it’s over would never come. To your disappointment, he releases your hand as you approach the entrance, and your hand is already missing his warmth. You turn to face him; well, not really, because you can’t bear to make eye contact with him, not when you spent the better part of two hours shamelessly ogling at him.

His voice cuts in between the thoughts rattling around in your head, and he sounds so apprehensive that it worries you. “Can I ask you something? No, wait, can you promise me something?”

You know how seriously Soobin takes his promises, so you’re a little scared for what he’s going to say next, but you nod anyway.

“Promise me that if this doesn’t work out, we’ll still be friends. Please.” The last word is so quiet that you almost miss it, and when you finally muster the courage to meet his gaze, he’s giving you a pleading look so earnestly that it breaks your heart a little. 

“I promise– no, I pinky promise. We’ll be friends, no matter what.”

Since he was younger, Soobin’s held the belief that pinky promises are binding, and he knows that you know this, so you hold out your pinky, hoping that this can ease whatever worries he has on his mind.

You pinky promised. Soobin knows that it’s your unspoken way of assuring him (you’ve never been the most verbally affectionate, anyways), a quiet way of letting him know that he means just as much to you as you do to him. He links pinkies with you to seal the promise, feeling just a little bit lighter as you both make your way to the subway station together, shoulders bumping all the while.

Soobin just really, really hopes that you’ll be able to keep that promise.

[How would you rate your date?]

[★★★★★]

Congratulations! Your next date is scheduled for 8pm tonight, at the Night Market.

You shouldn’t be surprised that your next date with Soobin comes so soon– you still have your weekly quotas to meet, and the app always schedules dates within 24 hours of matching or a positive rating, but truth be told, your surprise is solely because you just don’t know how to face him. You two had made that pinky promise to stay friends regardless of the circumstances, but you’d also resolved to treat him like a potential suitor while you two are seeing each other, so where does that leave you? 

Well, it leaves you in front of the closet with no idea what to wear. You want to look good (for Soobin, but you’re in denial at the moment), but it’s just a night market, and you know you’ll never hear the end of it if Soobin catches on that you went through lengths just to impress him.

Speaking of the devil, your phone flickers on to reveal a text from him, and you scoff as you scan its contents.

soob: so i hear you enjoyed our date

y/n noona: ignoring that. anyways

y/n noona: what’s the deal for tonight

y/n noona: i need to know asap

soob: aw, noona, do you want to see me again that badly? i’m excited, see you later tonight ♥️

y/n noona: shut up, you clearly want to see me again too. don’t be late or i’m stealing your wallet later 

y/n noona: i'm asking what’s the dress code, are we matching again :p

soob: i mean, if you insist… 🙄 i knew you wanted me

y/n noona: nvm you’re getting me in a hoodie and my raggedy sweats with the hole in the knee, fuck you

soob: no no i take it back i’m sorry 

y/n noona: ok fine you get spared just this once

y/n noona: [IMG_3687.jpg]

y/n noona: final outfit check. if we’re going to be matching it will be your decision so choose wisely

soob: wait that’s not fair

soob: noona come back

soob: DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THIS

[y/n noona has “Liked” your message]

soob: you are so mean to me

You let out a sigh of relief you didn’t know you were holding when Soobin arrives, clad in a blue flannel that’s nearly identical to yours, black tee, beige cargos, and a black shoulder bag. You’d been hoping he would follow through, and there’s a small surge of pride at how you’ll be walking around the market, hand in hand, in matching outfits, but there’s something you hadn’t been counting on.

He’s wearing his glasses. 

You’ve always known that Soobin doesn’t have the best eyesight (he’s constantly squinting to see things, but so do you), but now that you’re seeing him in a new light, his usual black frames are suddenly the most attractive thing in the world, and you may as well be holding a neon sign that blares “I HEART NERDS” for him to see.

You make a painfully pathetic attempt to mask your delight by waving at him with a grin, and thankfully Soobin doesn’t notice, or if he does, he doesn’t make any show of it, and instead he simply salutes at you with two fingers and cracks a grin. As he sidles up to you, his large hand slips into yours with a little too much ease, fingers immediately interlocking with yours, and it sends your head into a frenzy all over again. As if he’s aware that your mind is going haywire, Soobin leans down towards you, and for a second you think he’s going to kiss you.

You’re frantically trying to make some motion to stop him, it’s so sudden and your cheeks are way too hot now, and he’s way too close, and your damn arms won’t budge–

“I hope you came ready to eat. I came armed with a fuck load of cash because I am going to stuff myself silly with food, and I am not getting turned away by the ‘cash only’ booths.” There’s a fire of determination in Soobin’s eyes, paired with a wide grin, and you don’t know whether to be concerned for him or for yourself, but nonetheless, you’re a little relieved that you completely misread the situation. Before you can say anything in response, though, he’s dragging you towards the sweeping lines of booths, already making a beeline for some takoyaki. 

The tray full of octopus balls in Soobin’s hands is steaming and they smell absolutely mouthwatering, and, in true Soobin fashion, he gets over excited and tries to pop the entire thing in his mouth in one go. He immediately regrets it, of course, because immediately he’s whining over the fact that his tongue is now most definitely burnt and numb from the piping hot orb of batter he’d just tried to scarf down. You might be finding him insanely attractive now, but he’s still as clumsy as ever, and you can’t stifle the laughter that bubbles in your throat at the sight.

“Dumbass… you should know damn well that you shouldn’t put a whole takoyaki in your mouth like that.” You tease, snickering as he fans his tongue once he swallows.

“Shut up! I couldn’t help myself!” He lets out a childish huff, stuffing another ball into his mouth with a comically exaggerated pout, and consequently huffing and puffing at the heat that blooms in his mouth once more. The whole display is undeniably adorable, and it takes all of the willpower you have to resist the burning desire to squish his cheeks. 

The tray of takoyaki is polished off in no time, and a bowl of bingsu, a cup of fish cake soup, two sticks of tanghulu, a plate of sweet rice cakes, an ice cream cone, and a million other things you lost track of follow suit into the bottomless pit that seems to be Soobin’s stomach. He wasn’t kidding when he said he came ready to eat– he’s plowing through the booths like it’s his last meal on Earth. He’s gracious enough to offer you half of his portions, at least, so it’s not like he’s leaving you to starve. (you’d kill him if he did, though.) Once he’s had his fill, his lips curl up into a mischievous grin as he jabs his thumb in the direction of a different section of the market, one filled with countless games: target shooting, beanbag toss, darts– the row of booths seems to stretch on forever. 

“Oh, you’re on, Soob. Don’t think I’m going easy on you because we’re on a date.”

“Yeah? Don’t think I’m going easy on you because you’re older.”

Contrary to both of your words, Soobin is absolutely fucking terrible at the beanbag toss, despite his long arms definitely giving him an advantage, and you’re no good at shooting or throwing and aiming at anything, really, so the two of you leave each booth with empty hands, though you’re laughing as if you’ve hit the jackpot.

Even though you two fail spectacularly at every single game they have available, you’re suddenly aware of how much your cheeks hurt. From smiling. From laughing. When was the last time that happened on a date? Or ever, even?

Soobin ventures off on his own while you’re lost in thought, and he returns from his little solo adventure with yet another serving of tanghulu (the third one of the night: strawberry for him, tangerine for you this time). You’re reaching out to grab the sweet from his outstretched hand, when suddenly you jump as loud popping sounds blare overhead. There’s a beat of silence before a flurry of colorful lights blooms in the sky, and your shoulders relax once you realize it’s just fireworks.

You’re admiring the colors and shapes of the fireworks display as you crunch on your tanghulu, and you’re so enraptured you almost miss the feeling of someone’s gaze on you. Almost.

When you turn to confirm your suspicions, you’re right, it’s Soobin who’s staring at you, but he’s staring at you so intently, with such intensity, that you immediately grow flustered– he’s never looked at you like that before– and you’re immensely thankful that the flashes of light in the sky mask the rosy hue that’s surely staining your cheeks. Just when you’re about to swing your head away to focus your attention on the fireworks once more, his hand flies out to cradle your chin in his palm, keeping your gaze fixated on him. 

Then he’s closing the distance, slowly but surely, fixated on you all the while to gauge your reaction, and even though you’re frozen in shock, you don’t think you would’ve moved, anyways. Your eyes flutter shut at the last minute, nerves getting the better of you, until his lips brush against yours tentatively, as if he’s hesitating, holding back.

You meet his gaze once more, and neither of you say a word, you just nod in response to the pleading look in his eyes, as if asking your permission. He breaks out into the most beautiful smile, one that you wish you could snap a mental photo of and tuck away in a safe place in your mind, and then he’s kissing you. Actually kissing you.

He kisses you with such fervor, as if he’s been wanting to do this his whole life, and you can’t help the way you practically melt in his hold, pressing yourself against his broad figure. The fireworks display is all but forgotten, the only thing on either of your minds being the way your lips meld into each other, and the way your hands clasp together.

Soobin’s in a daze when you two finally break away for a much-needed breath, and you’re sure you look like you’re in an equally hazy state. For a moment, you two are dead silent, staring at each other, with only the sound of your soft pants and the popping of fireworks in the background to fill the silence.

Soobin is the one who breaks the silence first, smiling sheepishly as he rubs the nape of his neck. “To be honest, I’ve… I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”

Your eyes are as wide as saucers, and you can feel your jaw go slack in shock. Soobin had been wanting to kiss you. Soobin has thought about kissing you. Your best friend Soobin wanted to kiss you.

“Why didn’t you?” You reply without thinking, but really, you know very well exactly why he’s never done it. He’s your best friend, always has been, and he’d be doing much more than fucking up your friendship by kissing you before you two matched. Naturally, Soobin leaves that question unanswered, posing a question of his own instead.

“What made you match with me?”

“Well…” You don’t know what to say. You don’t want to rattle off a list of qualities that make him desirable– you’re already feeling flustered enough after he kissed you like that, and you’re not looking to inflate his stupid ego or risk being the butt of his teasing. But you want to be honest with him. You don’t want him thinking his suppressed desire has been one-sided all this time.

“I guess I’ve always wondered what it would be like to go on a date with you. We wouldn’t be bored, we would know how to keep each other happy, and understand each other, that kind of thing… and I was a little tired of seeing you go through all those people you didn’t click with, who didn’t get you, especially not the way I did. You know I’ve never liked the people you were seeing, and I was always annoyed by the idiots you dated in high school, and all your stupid matches… I always thought everyone took you for granted, and no one seemed to care about actually getting to know you. I thought I was just looking out for you, caring about you, as your best friend, but maybe I was actually just jealous.”

“Jealous? Really?” He looks so incredulous it embarrasses you that you have to clarify further. 

“Yes, jealous… I especially hated what’s-her-name, Hyeji? That one student council girl who dumped you in front of the whole school.”

Soobin grimaces at the mention of her name, and you can’t help the relief you feel at his response. “Ugh, her. Led me on for months because she thought I was cute and then when we started dating she nitpicked every single thing I did, all because I wasn’t the suave drama lead of her dreams and then dumped me because she couldn’t change me. You know she threw away a whole pack of my Pokemon cards because she thought it was ‘too nerdy’?”

“See? This is what I mean. None of your romantic partners actually seem to appreciate you as you are. And so I don’t know, something came over me, and I wanted to see if I could do a good job because I  know I appreciate you for who you are and now I’m confused, and I feel like I’ve ruined our friendship forever, and–”

To your relief, Soobin doesn’t laugh– instead he cuts your rambling off with a quick kiss, and it flusters you into silence. “Shh. We promised, remember?”

“I mean, we also promised each other when we were in high school that we’d settle down and raise ten dogs on a farm together.”

Soobin laughs this time. “Yeah, I remember that. But this is a pinky promise, isn’t it? It’s different.”

“You’re right… but it’s scary, you know? Coming to this realization about you, and thinking about you this way, and enjoying it, but also worrying about how we’re going to get out of this after our relationship expires... I don’t want to get too carried away and change our dynamic forever.” You’re chewing the skin off your lower lip nervously (you never did break that habit, so now your lip is bleeding), and, while Soobin’s voice is gentle, you know him well enough to detect the subtle tremor as he speaks.

“I know. But we’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out. I won’t let anything remove you from my life for good. Especially not the watch.” His voice is so low, so quiet, you’d miss it if you weren’t fixated on him, as if he’s trying to convince himself, and you squeeze his hand in what you hope is an admirable attempt at reassuring him. “The app hasn’t told us our connection’s expired yet, so I just really, really want to give this a chance. A proper chance, so I can say I did it before I get matched with my ‘real’ soulmate, or whatever. I don’t want to think about what could have been, especially not with you. I think that’d be worse for us.”

You know exactly what he means. Harboring dormant feelings for your best friend never bodes well, at least not in the movies and the books, so you may as well get this pining out of your system, and let it become a distant memory as soon as possible, if it’s not meant to be. It’s only fair, for both of your futures, and for your friendship. (and though neither of you want to admit it, the thought of not being each other’s soulmates is depressing.)

“Look, Soob… I really want to give this a chance, too. I want to see where it takes us while we’re allowed to. I want to try. It’s scary, it’s fucking terrifying, but you’re my best friend, Soob. I promise you won’t lose me because of some stupid watch. Pinky promise.” You try to keep your voice upbeat as you hold out your pinky towards him, offering a tender smile. He links his pinky with yours, and you can see his frame visibly relax once he does. 

You rest your head on his shoulder, pinkies still linked, and silently hope that you’ll be able to uphold your promise to him. You’ve never been any good with breakups. Soobin knows that.

But you’ll be okay with him, right?

He’s your best friend, after all.

[How would you rate your date?]

[★★★★★]

…

Congratulations! Your next date is scheduled for 2pm tomorrow, at the Botanical Gardens.

Soobin decided on his own that he’s picking you up for the third date, and he let you know as much.  After last night’s events though, this means that you’re turning your entire closet upside down trying to find the sweet spot for your look today, because your head is jumbled with far too many thoughts, all of them about Soobin. Every outfit you think up is either too dressy, or too casual, or too out there, or too bland, and you have half a mind to reschedule with your mind in the state that it is. Unfortunately for you, Soobin is already on his way, and you’re not the type of asshole to tell him to head back home and forget the whole date, so you just stare at your pile of clothes on the floor, hoping that somehow you’ll be enlightened with the perfect outfit idea and get yourself looking presentable before he comes knocking.

The universe is clearly not on your side, though, because your doorbell rings not even a minute later, and all you’ve picked out is your jeans and you’re still very much topless. You shoot a message to Soobin, thumbs flying frantically as you let him know you’re not quite ready yet– he might be your best friend in the entire world, but you’re not ready for him to see you under your clothes just yet, especially now that you’re properly seeing each other.

You’re still not sure what to wear, but you figure a beige knit sweater should be safe– you won’t look like you’re trying too hard, but you also won’t look like you’re not trying at all. When you swing the door open to finally greet Soobin, your breath quite literally gets taken away, because he trips and almost knocks you over with his lanky frame, but also, he’s breathtaking.

He’s clearly put a lot of thought into his outfit, which is very cute, and he looks absolutely stunning. A sleek black cardigan with white striped accents on the sleeve, a white dress shirt that clearly looks freshly pressed– hell, he’s even wearing a tie– and those godforsaken glasses that have you in a chokehold somehow. You don’t even bother hiding your delight– he’s so beautiful, and you know he needs a little validation after he probably spent hours putting his look together.

He catches you staring wordlessly, and he flushes with embarrassment.“What? Too much? I knew I should have skipped on the tie–” He grumbles, making a move to loosen it, but he’s stopped by your hand over his.

“No. You look great, Soob. Seriously.” You’re not used to being verbally affectionate, especially not with him, but when he looks that sad, like a kicked puppy, you know better than to tease him when he’s unsure of himself. Despite that, you’re still shy as you reassure him. “You look beautiful.”

The way he brightens when he hears your words is almost cartoonish, and this time, you can’t hold back your laughter, which earns a pout from him, which in turn only fuels your laughter further. You appease him by lacing your fingers with his (he’s apparently a lot easier to please than you remember, but maybe that’s your imagination), and he responds by placing a kiss to the back of your hand. The gesture is tender and sweet, and you think about what it’d be like to have Soobin do that to you every day.

“Well, shall we?” He bows exaggeratedly with his free arm, giving you a blinding smile.

You mirror his smile, and playfully curtsy in return. “We shall.”

When you two arrive at the botanical gardens, it’s jam-packed with people (a worker explains that their tulips are in full bloom, so everyone’s vying for their social media moment), and Soobin is visibly startled, though he recovers quickly as he turns to you. 

“You okay? There’s so many people... I think this is twice, maybe even thrice as many people as there were at the night market.” You don’t do well with crowds, the crowd at the night market was probably the most you could handle, but you know that you don’t have a choice– you have to follow through with the date as scheduled, or risk a fine that neither of you can afford, so you just nod, your grip on his hand tightening. 

Soobin somehow finds a slightly less crowded area of the tulip fields for you two to stroll in after doing a quick sweep (thank god for his height, and that he uses it to his advantage), but you still feel tense as you walk hand in hand. There’s still a decent amount of people, with more spilling in excitedly, phone cameras in hand, and you have a bad feeling the crowd will only grow in size as the day drags on. You just hope you’re as convincing an actress as you think you are, and that Soobin won’t notice as he reads the identification cards for each flower.

You’re caught off guard when he gently pushes you down onto a nearby bench, and crouches in front of you, clasping your other hand in his so that both of them are occupied. The concerned expression on his face tells you that you’re nowhere near an Oscar for your performance, and that he’s most definitely caught on to your discomfort. Normally you’d be embarrassed at the display– you hate making a scene in public, but your anxiety is getting the better of you, and it’s nice to know that he still knows you as well as you thought.

“Noona… look. I know you don’t like crowds, especially excitable and hectic ones like these. If you really, really feel like this is too much for you, we can cancel the date and go home. I want you to have a good time, and I know it’s hard for you when there’s so many people.”

You’re chewing at your lower lip again, and Soobin lets go of one of your hands to thumb at your lip to stop you before you tear it open with your teeth. “But Soob, we came all this way. And you dressed so nicely for me, for this date, and I spent all this time wanting to look good for you, and spend time with you…” You trail off when your breath catches in your throat, your chin trembling as your eyes well up. “It’d be such a waste to cancel after all our time and effort.”

Once again Soobin’s thumb is gently swiping over your cheeks when the tears finally spill over, hushing you with the soft sincerity that he’s prone to when he’s not teasing you. 

“Hey, hey… we can reschedule for another day, can’t we? We don’t have to do this, noona. There’s always next time. It won’t be a waste, I promise.” You feel so apologetic you could die. Soobin’s being so patient and sweet and understanding with you and here you are, kicking up a fuss. The least you could do is power through and follow through with your scheduled date, and you’d hate to miss out on this time with him that you’ve been looking forward to. You were excited for this date, and you want him to know that.

“I think I’d feel worse if we cancelled after we went through all this trouble, and especially if it was all because of me… just give me a moment to calm myself down.” Soobin nods in response, cradling your cheek in his palm, and you sigh appreciatively at the tender gesture. He doesn’t say anything as you wipe away the remnants of your tears and blow your nose– he just holds your hand, letting you gather yourself, and you think for a moment that this must be the benefit of falling for your best friend.

Once the tears have finally subsided, and you’ve had a moment to calm your nerves, you meet Soobin’s eyes, which are searching yours, as if scanning for any lingering signs of discomfort. When he can’t find any, and you give him a reassuring look and a grateful smile, he seizes the opportunity to steal a peck from your lips, grinning cheekily with his tongue between his teeth when he pulls away. 

“H-hey! What was that for?!” Your shock and surprise is real, but your indignance certainly isn’t, if your rosy cheeks are any indication. Your discomfort is forgotten, at least temporarily, so you’re glad for that.

“Oh… just because. You liked it, though.” He’s so smug, that stupid asshole, but he’s right, so you pull him in for another quick kiss before you try to make a run for it. Unfortunately for your escape plan, you’ve forgotten that your hand is still very much interlocked with his, and he’s significantly stronger than you, so he easily pulls you back into his embrace. You can’t say you mind, though– he’s warm and he smells good, like jasmine and sandalwood and the faint scent of vanilla, and if you weren’t already so flustered you’d bury your face in his broad chest.

“Feeling better now?” The words fall from Soobin’s lips with a teasing lilt, but you know it’s his way of genuinely checking in on you, so you answer sincerely.

“Much better. Though I’d still like to avoid the crowds and find somewhere else to have our date… if you don’t mind? The tulips are pretty, and as much as I would like to admire them too, there’s just so many people fighting for a good photo…” 

“Of course, I get it. I saw a sign pointing to a field of azaleas over there that is probably getting a lot less foot traffic than the tulips, so we could head over there?” He gestures in the opposite direction of the tulip field, and you’re more than happy to oblige, letting him tug you along.

Thankfully Soobin’s guess is correct, because there’s only a handful of people at the azalea field when you two arrive, and the tension in your shoulders finally lets up. The dainty red and pink flowers have their own quaint charm, and they’re vibrant and eye-catching. You crouch down to get a closer look, taking hold of a delicate petal in between the pads of your fingers to admire them.

“Did you know red and pink azaleas represent love and romance? Roses aren’t the only flower of love like everyone seems to think.” Soobin’s deep voice rings in your ear and you startle a little, partially because he’s way closer to you than you expected (it’s going to be a while before you get used to maintaining close proximity with him) and partially because you had no idea Soobin was just casually carrying the knowledge of flower meanings in that pretty head of his.

“They’re so pretty… they’d make a much more unique gift than roses for special occasions, too. Not that there’s anything wrong with roses, but they’re kind of done to death, don’t you think?”

Instead of answering, Soobin looks both ways, then plucks a flower, and you hiss in disapproval at him. “Hey–! What are you doing? The sign says that we can’t pick the flowers!” Luckily, none of the staff has taken notice of his mischievous little act, but even if they did, you can’t help but wonder if they’d even care, when he could charm his way into anything.

Soobin tucks the flower behind your ear, seemingly ignoring your disapproval as he hums a tune under his breath. “A gift for our special occasion, and a little commemoration of our budding romance, or something. And look, noona, you’re so pretty. Just like a flower.” He punctuates his statement with the sound of his phone camera flashing, followed by four more, until you’re blushing profusely with embarrassment.

“Soobin, that’s enough–” Your cheeks are beet red– you can feel it from the sheer amount of blood running into them– and though you really like that Soobin’s taking pictures of you for him to keep, you’re extremely camera shy, and he knows that, which is probably why he’s so insistent.

“Actually, the issue is that I didn’t take enough. Now smile for the camera!” You have to practically wrestle your way away from the camera, but not before he snaps a few more of you smiling bashfully at him. He catches up to you with ease (damn those long legs of his), arms secure around your frame as you squeal, though you’re secretly pleased that you’re in his hold.

The time once again ticks by like nothing as you walk side by side, admiring the blooms around you and snapping photos of each other (“For wallpaper usage purposes,” Soobin says, and you blush again), and before you know it, your watches are beeping to signify that your two hours are up. Soobin sobers up almost immediately, expression unreadable, and though he doesn’t say anything as he takes your hand, you know what’s on his mind, because the same thing is on yours.

There’s a palpable tension hanging in the air once the two of you reach the entrance of the gardens– it’s the third date, after all, and you promised you’d find out your expiration date if you made it this far. You’re relieved that your watches haven’t blared just yet, signifying the end of your connection, but you’re still struck with the nervousness of finding out how long you’ll last. You think you’ll never get over it if you only get a few months– or worse, a few days with him– after all this secret pining and yearning.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think Soobin was somehow eerily calm about the whole thing. But you do know better, and you know that he’s just trying to put on a brave face for you, and for himself. The two of you open Time to Love in silence, hands still interlocked, swiping to the ‘Love Countdown’ tab with your free hands, and brace yourselves. Soobin gives you a reassuring nod, and you respond back with what you hope is an equally reassuring smile, and that your expression doesn’t betray the fear bubbling deep within you.

Soobin takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Okay, on the count of three,”

“One…” “Two…”

“Three!”

When both of you tap the in-app tab, there isn’t an array of numbers indicating an expiration date with a ticking countdown, as you expected and had grown accustomed to on your previous dates– in fact, there isn’t a single number on the screen– and instead there’s an infinity sign.

You two don’t have an expiration date.

You and Soobin look at each other, then at your watches, then at each other again. 

“Wait, we don’t have an expiration date–”

Then the realization dawns on both of you, and it hits you like a truck.

“Wait, we’re soulmates?!”

Both of you are sporting the same bewildered expression, and you both go to check your progress bars, just to be sure– they’re full, just as you’d expect after being matched with your soulmate. So that’s why your watch alarms haven’t gone off. You two were the one in a million. Once the shock finally wears off, it’s replaced with pure, unbridled joy, and when Soobin sweeps you off your feet to gather you in his arms, there’s an emotion bubbling in you that’s equal parts unfamiliar and yet welcome.

You’d thought all this time, all these years, that there was no way you should feel this way about your best friend, of all people. That you shouldn’t fuck this up, because Soobin has always been there for you, and you’ve always been there for him. As his friend. As your friend. 

But here is the universe, telling you that you’re fated to love him, and that he’s fated to love you in return. 

And love him you do. You love Soobin. And when you look at him, and see the way he’s looking at you, with fondness practically dripping from his gaze, you know he loves you too. 

Maybe the watch really is bullshit. Maybe it is statistically impossible to decide someone’s life partner based on an algorithm.

But maybe it’s onto something, because it seems silly to have ever thought of being with anyone except Soobin. You never would’ve thought to look for your forever right next to you, and yet, here he is, in the flesh. Was it a coincidence that he made it onto your recommended matches that fateful night? Was it a coincidence that he felt the same way you did?

Soobin’s lips capture yours in a searing kiss, and you melt in his heat, kissing him back with a fierce fervor, as if desperately communicating the depth of the feelings you’ve let build up silently after all these years. You decide that there’s no such thing as coincidences– he’s always known what’s best for you, and you’ve always wanted what’s best for him. You just didn’t know that the answer to both of those things was each other.

“I love you, noona.” He whispers with a bashful, dimpled smile, and your heart swells.

“I love you too, Soob.”

Soobin has always been counting down to something. 

To the end of another grueling workday, the next League of Legends patch update, to anything, so he always has something to look forward to. But he’s never looked forward to this.

The love countdown has always been something he despised and dreaded– he’s always wanted to be the master of his own fate, without the shackles of the app tying him down with each new connection. He’d always thought that his soulmate would be some poorly matched individual who he’d have a mediocre life with, but all that seems to be proven wrong as he looks at you.

He hates being wrong. But when he sees the way you smile, the way you regard him with the utmost love and affection in your gaze, the way you hold his hand as if you’ll lose him if you let go– he thinks he’s willing to concede defeat, at least this time.

Maybe that stupid watch does know a thing or two about love. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe this is all just pure coincidence. But despite it all, Soobin is thankful that this is where he ends up. That both of you had been counting down all this time to each other. 

Because if there's anyone he can count on in this world, it's you.

[defectiveporcelaindoll]

Chapter III: So High School

“Bittersweet sixteen suddenly”

series masterlist previous chapter

pairing: post-prison/ cm: evolution Spencer Reid x BAU AFAB!Reader (I like to think this is where Spencer is during the current seasons.)

series synopsis: an unsub with a taste for couples and power imbalances leads Doctor Spencer Reid not only back into the classroom but down the hypothetical aisle with the BAU's newest Probie for an undercover assignment that may change his life.

cw: age gap (Spencer is 42, reader is 24 in chapter 1), Use of y/n's (I'm sorry, I know l'm sick of it too.), fake marriage, romance romancing, kisses and touches but no smut (yet…maybe) ; Reader is feisty and flirty; Spencer is anxious and has an aggressive outburst; female reader she/her pronouns, and mentions of typical CM violence.

wc: 2.7k (they just keep getting longer and longer)

“Okay. Classes are canceled, if anyone asks, you’re sick. I called Emily, let her know we won't be working tonight. Uh, what else- oh! I got us a reservation at the Glass Garden. I think that might be fun, and I got us a table at a restaurant that has really great reviews,” he called from his place on the sofa. Hearing the bathroom door open, he turned, his breath catching in his lungs. In the backlight of the bathroom, Spencer Reid almost believed he’d seen an angel standing in his living room in a sundress.

“Oh- um, you look really pretty- not that you aren’t always pretty, obviously you must know that you’re beautiful but I just—in comparison to when you were crying… you’re…” Any attempt to save himself from the awkward hole he’d dug himself into died on his tongue as Y/N giggled. Her laugh was like a ray of sunlight, melting parts of Spencer’s heart he’d long forgotten.

“Okay, so I’m sick,” she gives him her best fake little kid cough, causing him to roll his eyes. “We’re off duty and you made us plans…oh, and I guess I clean up pretty good for a girl who just had a meltdown against our front door.”

“Very well… for a girl who had a meltdown against our front door,” Spencer nods, his cheeks beginning to ache from the smile that’s been plastered on his lips since she entered the room.

Once they were off campus, the couple let out an exhale neither were aware they'd been holding, away from prying eyes allowed to simply exist as individuals for the first time in weeks.

“You said we’re going to a glass garden?” Y/N asks, fiddling with the sleeve of the cardigan Spencer insisted she bring as they make their way down the highway.

“Yes! The Chihuly Garden,” she smiled, loving the way his features lit up with such excitement. “It’s supposed to be this insanely beautiful collection of really intricate and colorful glass sculptures. I’ve always wanted to see it but we never have time when we’re in the city for a case. Actually, I saw one of the artist's pieces in London—god, it had to be almost twenty-five… years ago.”

Spencer’s heart dropped to his stomach, the excitement in his voice dying with the last words, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. His age was showing, and this feeling was something he’d never experienced before. For nearly twenty years, Spencer had been the youngest person on the team. Even at forty-two years old, he still was the baby until Y/N joined. Was this how everyone else felt, talking to him about ‘the good ole days’ for all those years?

Y/N glanced over at him, a soft sympathetic smile taking her lips. In the three weeks she’d spent in such close proximity to Spencer, she’d picked up on a few of his tells. Right now, she could see the wheels turning in his mind, convincing him he’d ruined things and debating addressing the difference in their ages.

“Spence—”

He didn't respond, his mind still running rampant until he felt the pressure of a hand on his thigh, pulling him back to reality and causing him to inhale sharply, his eyes frantically shifting between the hand, the road, and the woman in his passenger seat.

“There we go…” Y/N mumbled, giving his thigh a little squeeze before pulling her hand away and back into her lap. “You know it doesn’t bother me, right? You don’t need to freak yourself out because you’ve got a couple of years on me, Spencer,” she said with a little more confidence than Spencer was used to hearing from her.

“And besides, I’ve always had a taste for older men,” she shrugged, leaning across the center console to press a kiss to his now flushing cheeks. Spencer couldn't even bear to look at her, his heart racing as he tried to remain focused on the road. Was Y/N actually flirting with him or was she teasing him? Surely it had to be a joke.

The remainder of the drive was uneventfully quiet, with the couple only really speaking to point out the landmarks they’d passed until they pulled into the tiny parking lot beside the Space Needle. As soon as he’d killed the engine, Spencer was out of the car, running around the back to grab Y/N’s door. She smirked, eyeing the older man up and down as he playfully caught his breath from the minimal jog.

“Shall we, M’lady,” he mumbled awkwardly, offering her a hand as she slipped out of the car.

“get my car door isn’t that sweet. then pull me to the back seat”

“Who said chivalry was dead… Keep it up, we won't be making it out of this parking lot,” her brow wiggled rather suggestively as she watched Spencer gulp, his palm beginning to sweat against hers. “Come on, lover boy. I need that big brain to tell me all about the pretty glass.”

Their afternoon was spent hand in hand or arm in arm, the two only separating long enough for one of them to take a photo of the other. Spencer claimed he ‘needed a good photo for his office’. Y/N thought it was cheesy, but she’d giggle and pose wherever he directed her, and he’d try to do the same for her; though, his poses were far more stiff and awkward, but somehow, that made them all the more endearing.

They spent hours observing the installations, with Spencer rattling on about the different techniques used for each detail and Y/N occasionally offering her own commentary about how the art made her feel. To any passersby, they looked like a happy couple that had known each other for years, not two FBI agents playing make-believe for a while.

The restaurant Spencer had picked for dinner was across the park from the gardens, so there was no sense in moving the car. The once bright late summer sun had fallen victim to the Seattle clouds that were beginning to roll in as the couple meandered through the park. Spencer’s eyes trailed the younger woman’s face; he could tell she was contemplating something.

“What is it?”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Y/N glanced up at him, her hand falling from his grasp as she twisted her fingers anxiously, waiting for Spencer’s nod of approval. When it came, she paused, taking a deep breath.

“Doctor Spencer Reid, do you know that you completely changed my life?”

Spencer froze a few paces in front of her, brows knit together as he tried to decipher whether or not this was part of her act as the loving wife or if he actually, unbeknownst to him, had an effect on this young woman’s life.

“You taught a seminar in Nevada five years ago, breaking down the relationships between psychology and philosophy in human behavior.” Y/N’s gaze dropped, the summer breeze exposing the blush creeping up her ears. “I wasn’t even supposed to be in the class; I was an English major, but my roommate dragged me along… and maybe it was the way you taught, your excitement I guess? Or the way that it felt like you actually cared. I could’ve listened to you talk for hours.” She chuckled softly, shaking her head. “After that seminar, I marched myself down to the counseling office and became a psych major… added a year and a half to my college experience, but given that I’m about to walk into a very expensive restaurant, married to the professor who changed my life? I think it just might’ve been worth it.” She let out a breathy chuckle, her eyes searching Spencer’s for any indication of discomfort before dropping her gaze back to her hands, mindlessly fiddling with her wedding band. “Sorry, I just really needed to get that off my chest.”

“tell bout the first time you saw me”

For a moment, Spencer sat awestruck. He rarely found himself at a loss for words, but the newfound warmth in his chest made it nearly impossible to speak. So instead, he took her hand, his thumb brushing over her knuckles as he nodded, guiding her down the path to the restaurant in silence until they reached the door. He hesitated just outside, bringing her knuckles to his lips.

“Thank you… just… thank you.”

Dinner went smoothly, with the only minor hiccup being Spencer’s tangent about the bread basket and his qualms with group food. But other than that, the two simply enjoyed each other’s company, the sound of rain echoing against the roof as they ate.

As the couple exited the restaurant, they were met with the heavy downpour of a summer night storm. Y/N sighed, pulling her cardigan around her a little tighter, her lips pursed as she looked up at Spencer, his hands stuffed anxiously in his pockets. There was no way they were getting to the car dry, he knew that as a fact. So, with a little sigh and a nod to Y/N, he stepped out from the covered awning, arms outstretched as he let the rain soak him.

“Oh, so you’re crazy!” Y/N called, her voice hardly audible over the downpour, making no attempt to move. After a minute, Spencer jogged back to her, his arms wrapping around her middle as he lifted her, kicking and laughing, carting her out into the rain. She wiggled free of him, a smile plastered on her face as her hair began to drip.

 She spun around, embracing the fact she was now thoroughly soaked, a girlish giggle passing her lips as she tucked wet hair behind her ears “Ya now, even soaking wet, this may just may be the most successful date I’ve ever been on.”

Spencer quirked a brow, his head falling to the side like a puppy’s. “Your dating pool is really that bad?” he mused, remembering what it was like to be in his twenties awkwardly trying to make meaningful connections with people

“I don’t even really date; the men—no, they were boys—that have come into my life only ever want to waste my time, so… It’s like a twisted game of kiss,marry, kill? Except everyone sucks and there is a good chance someone is going to actually be crazy enough to kill you?” She shrugged, taking a moment to stare up at the sky her lashes heavy with raindrops

“So what’s it gonna be?” she called, her head turning to glance up at Spencer, the challenge in her eyes illuminated by the gas lamps lining the pavement. “You gonna marry, kiss, or kill me, Dr. Reid?”

Spencer’s eyes darkened, accepting her challenge with a mix of desire and determination as he stepped closer. Wordlessly, closing the space between them, his hand gently cradling her jaw, his touch an even balance between tender and possessive. He leaned in, devouring her lips, capturing her in a kiss that was anything but tentative. The kiss was electric, a rush of sensation that made the world around them disappear. His other hand found its way to her waist, pulling her closer, his fingers digging into the damp fabric.

Y/N responded eagerly, her fingers gripping the damp fabric that clung to his chest, pulling him closer still. She melted into him, the feel of his lips moving against hers sending shivers down her spine despite the warmth that blossomed in her chest. The rain pounded around them, soaking their clothes and plastering her hair to her face, but she didn’t care. All that mattered was the way Spencer held her, the way his mouth moved over hers with a hunger that left her breathless.

“I’m betting on all three,” she whispered against his lips, her voice dripping with desire.

         “All three…” he repeated, pulling away just enough to press a kiss to her forehead, his hands still cradling her face. “I am way too old for you…” he muttered breathlessly, his head shaking as he brought it down to rest against hers.

“The bureau seems to disagree,” her retort was quick, her lips ghosting over his. “And like I said earlier, it doesn’t bother me. I’m a big girl. I know what I want.” She kissed him one more time, hard and quick, before bolting through the park towards the car, leaving Spencer standing in the rain like a lovesick kid.

Spencer watched her go, his heart pounding hard and heavy against his ribs while his mind raced a million miles a minute as he tried to make sense of the fact that his ‘wife’ just might actually like him.

“Are you coming or what?” The rain had died down enough for Y/N’s voice to travel with ease. Spencer ran his hand through his wet curls, pushing them off his face before breaking into a jog up to the car. When she was within arm's reach, Spencer pulled her close, just taking a moment to hold her, fantasize that this life they were leading could be his reality.

Y/N wasted no time, her lips finding the curve of his jaw with ease, her hands tugging at the collar of his shirt. Spencer let out a groan, his head turning just enough to grant her better access to the sensitive skin at his neck, carefully guiding her back against the car door before returning his hand to her jaw, drawing her lips up to his.

There was a moment of bliss, where this was the only world that mattered, just a couple of lovestruck kids, then the shrill tone of Spencer’s phone cut through the air.

“Let it ring,” she all but whined.

“That’s Emily’s ringtone—” he groaned, fishing the all too loud phone out of his pocket and sighing loudly before putting the phone to his ear. “It’s not really a good ti-” he stopped, his gaze flicking down to Y/N, her frame pressed against the car door, another sigh leaving his now slightly kiss-bruised lips as he untangled himself from her. “No, I understand, I hear you. We’re heading back to the house… we’ll be there to meet the officer.” She took that as her cue, silently slipping into the passenger seat. Spencer stayed outside, pacing the length of the car, nodding to himself as Emily continued to talk.

“I’ll let her know.” His voice was muffled from behind the window. “Yup. Okay. We’ll call you if there’s any update. Good night.” Y/N watched as he hung up the phone, his head hanging low for a moment before he turned, striking the back door in a heated flash of anger, before he stalked around the car, climbing into the driver's seat.

It’s silent for a moment, the car tense with now long-forgotten lust as Spencer tossed his phone into the center console.

“There’s another couple. Same MO, same calling card.” She could see the frustration bubbling to the surface again as Spencer’s knuckles started to turn white against the steering wheel. “Local field agent is going to bring the updated file and the crime scene photos to the house…”

“Spence, this isn’t your fault—”

“I never said it was,” he bites back, sending Y/N shrinking into her seat. “I’m sorry… I just— I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I didn’t mean to snap at you… I know there was nothing we could’ve done. But it's still frustrating.”

She nods, now her turn to comfort him, her hand hesitantly reaching out across the center console to pry his from the wheel, gently squeezing. “I know, Spence. I know. We’ll figure this out, build our profile, but unfortunately, we just need a little more time. Hopefully soon enough, this unsub will take the bait and it’ll be us against them…” She chuckles softly, shaking her head in an attempt to lighten the mood. “God, that’s morbid… thinking it’ll be a relief to have a murderer place a target on your head…”

“You get used to it…” he said, any warmth in his voice evaporated as the engine roared to life.

the brink of a wrinkle in time

taglist : @olives-and-sunshine @iniyalovesall @suzysface @guiltyyassin @spencereidbasis @tatilolz @cherrycemeterry @hiireadstuff @r-3dlips @sweetpeterparker @catertotshitposts

I hope i got everyone! if you’d like to be added to the taglist don’t hesitate to lemme know and as always i’d love to know the thoughts and feelings! xo

[hamliet]

Love is Life, and Also Unpredictable

The Decameron is a brilliant, beautiful show that deserves way more praise than the lukewarm reviews. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a love story so beautiful and characters who subverted expectations in the most satisfying ways.

Every time you think a character is an unforgivable lout, you'll be surprised at how human they'll be. The character you think is a buffoon and whom you wish would die because they're THAT level of annoying ends up making you bawl with their words a single episode later, and it still feels in character.

I dunno, the show has pretty mixed reviews, but if you like dark humor and a study on humanity, this show is for you. Also, if you like love stories of any sort, because this show contains several of the single most unique love stories I could have ever imagined. Yes, including queer and... ace love.

*yes i have read boccaccio's work on which it's based

Spiritual, Agape Love: Neifile and Panfilo

I genuinely think the sexless marriage and partnership of a gay man and a devout, neurotic straight woman is one of the most beautiful love stories I've seen in media, ever. They genuinely want each other to be happy, and they aren't content just being each other's "beard" or financial security. They want to know each other more. They want honesty. They want to be together and to have intimacy, just not romantic or sexual.

The scene where they reconcile in front of Ruggiero is stunningly wholesome and--dare I say it--pure.

The scene where Neifile falls in the well and waits for God to save her is clearly a riff on the classic parable of the guy who is drowning and turns down two boats and a helicopter rescue saying "no thanks, God will save me," only to die and get to heaven and cry, "God, why didn't you save me?" Then God replies, "you dumbass, I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"

Neifile is rescued because her husband Panfilo pays someone to rescue her and to tell her God sent a vision telling them where to find Neifile. When she finds out Panfilo orchestrated it, she's furious about him deceiving her. But the reality, we later realize, is that he didn't exactly. Neifile wanted proof God still cared about her. He sent her a husband who loved her so much he would do anything to save her.

Neifile's faith isn't perfectly written, but it's not mocked. In the end, Neifile and Panfilo live like Christ--which is to say, they save their friends even though they die. Neifile dies afraid, but life comes with no guarantees. It's unpredictable, just like love. And after her death, Panfilo seems to lose the will to live--but when he decides to sacrifice his life to die alongside Neifile, it's not so much out of a desire to die as it is out of a desire to have his friends survive. And it's not a coincidence that the foe they face off with is a self-proclaimed prophet who's really a cruel, hypocritical cult leader. Neifile's dead, plague-ridden body is more holy than the cult leader's sword.

Romantic/Eros Love: Misia and Filomena, Tindaro and Stratilia, (and everyone)

Everyone has romantic love and/or a sexual relationship in the story. Everyone has a "pairing," but it is seldom their most important bond.

Dioneo and Licisca

Filomena and Misia

Pampinea and Sirisco

Tindaro and Stratilia

Neifile and Panfilo/Ruggiero

Panfilo and Neifile/Andreoli

The two that are the most important here are Misia and Filomena, and Tindaro and Stratilia. Yet they are both quite unique portrayals as well, because while Misia and Filomena's love is requited, Tindaro's loev for Stratilia is completely unrequited. Yet, its power still shines through.

Tindaro's love for Stratilia is utterly unrequited and stays that way. However, his love for her is nonetheless real and he proves it over and over, and it isn't dependent on her returning it. His determination to love her, no matter what she does or doesn't give him, is honestly a beautiful exploration of unrequited love. Usually in fiction unrequited love is either someone wasting their time or a tragedy.

Rarely does unrequited love have power to redeem and save, but here it does. It motivates Tindaro to change himself for the better and to become the best version of himself, and it saves Stratilia's life and the life of her son.

Yet, the story avoids any kind of iffy subtext about sex corrupting love. Misia and Filomena get a happily ever after (the only pairing in the series that does), but Tindaro's love for Stratilia, which literally starts as hate sex and stays that way for her, redeems Tindaro. So the show avoids saying that sex is all that love is, and avoids the implication that sex ruins love as well.

Familial Love: Licisca and Filomena, Stratilia and Jacopo

The series addresses sibling love in a variety of ways. Filomena and Licisca are clearly sisters long before we get the official reveal that Licisca is actually Filomena's half-sister in blood. And even when we see them fighting and pushing each other off a bridge (literally), they love each other. They can't bear to see each other die, even as they peck at each other and insult each other constantly.

Filomena: Licisca, you saved me again! Licisca: Yeah, you dumb bitch. Love's got long claws.

Truly, a sister exchange right there.

What gets in the way of their familial relationship is class. The series juxtaposes class issues against familial ones quite a bit. Leonardo, for example, we never meet, but the way he treats Stratilia and Jacopo (his son) is pretty terrible.

And yet, Jacopo has a good life. Stratilia loves him, even though he is the reason she can never leave the villa, marry, or have any sort of life of her own. She knows Leonardo never plans to have Jacopo as an heir or treat him as a son in any way, but she loves him and sticks around for him, and doesn't resent him for it. And he in turn adores his mother and wants to protect her. Love is a burden, as Panfilo says directly, but so is life. Love anchors.

What gets in the way of love for this mother and son, temporarily, is again class. Not for herself, but for her son, Stratilia eventually decides to take the villa since Leonardo is dead and Jacopo is the rightful heir. But clinging to class and material possessions in this series never ends well.

When Stratilia realizes her desire to seize the villa in the name of justice for her son will likely get them all killed, she cries and blames herself for their coming deaths.

As Tindaro says:

Stratilia: I failed my son Tindaro: No. You have given him everything. And love most of all. He is blessed. You understand that Jacopo? You are blessed.

In other words, love doesn't have to be perfect. It can involve major screwups and pain, but that doesn't mean the life they had or the love was any less powerful.

Also of note: the whole reason the peasants turn to mercenaries and cults is because the rich lock themselves away from the poor, when in reality they are all humans. You can't counter acts of God (or, y'know, rats) but where humans do have power, in all the terrible hands life slaps them with, is the ability to love each other and help each other. While this sounds cheesy, the juxtaposition of this idea with a black comedy plague setting actually makes it shine.

The Loveless: Pampinea

At the start of the story, there are two buffoons: Tindaro and Pampinea.

Tindaro is misogynistic and pathetic, and Pampinea is equally insufferable but more sympathetic because her insufferable tendencies are clearly driven by her status as an unmarried woman in a patriarchal, misogynistic society.

Yet Pampinea has all of these kinds of love, and can't accept any of them. Sirisco loves her and thinks she is beautiful. She not only pushes him away, but is cruel in doing so. She has the respect of Neifile and Licisca. She has unrequited loyalty and love from Misia, and uses it to manipulate Misia into killing Ruggiero for her (and the irony is that Misia, who is traumatized from killing Ruggiero, then kills Pampinea).

Pampinea is a well-written villain, imo. You love to hate her, but you also see her humanity. The way she treats Misia, though, is increasingly horrifying, and their relationship foils Tindaro and Dioneo's, Filomena and Licisca's, and Leonardo's and Stratilia's/Sirisco's.

In fact, Filomena even directly acknowledges that she's no better than Pampinea for how she's treated Licisca. Tindaro doesn't get the chance to have that realization about Dioneo while Dioneo is alive, but he does give him a decent burial when he definitely didn't have to. And, there's an aspect of tragedy there too--Dioneo did care about Tindaro, but Tindaro's inability to show any kind of care for Dioneo while he lived means that he doesn't realize that Dioneo did in fact find love in the end, though he acknowledges that this was what Dioneo did primarily want in life.

In contrast, Pampinea has chance after chance after chance to choose differently, to choose a single bond, and she doesn't. She also recognizes that her servant wants love more than anything, just like Tindaro and Dioneo, but instead of using that to honor them, she uses it to degrade and manipulate Misia.

Bad Victims and Toxic Love: Misia and Pampinea

Misia is a bad victim. It takes forever for her to realize she's being abused and even longer to accept it. She does in fact murder someone for her mistress, and she keeps going back to Pampinea even when it means essentially betraying Filomena, whom she romantically loves. When she asks for help, she pushes the people she's asked away.

Eventually, the only way she sees to free herself is to kill Pampinea, because love for Pampinea is a way to cage someone rather than a way to set them free. Pampinea's already introduced the idea of killing for love, so it's not really a surprise when this comes back to bite Pampinea and she is killed.

Yet the story doesn't demonize Misia for this. It shows how damn difficult it is to free oneself from an abuser, and how genuine the love for an abuser can be. In fact, the victim can often not even realize they're being abused and taken advantage of.

Furthermore, Misia's abuse doesn't make her a better person. Most people tend to assume that victims cry and wait for rescue, but that's not realistic. Victims lash out and can sometimes have a massive cognitive dissonance, as demonstrated in the show when Misia begs Sirisco for help and then blames him for Ruggiero's death when he calls her out on Pampinea's abuse of her.

Even Misia killing Pampinea isn't portrayed as a moral positive. It's tragic, but it also doesn't have to destroy Misia's future. Filomena loves her and forgives her, and that love can tether Misia to life despite her having two murders under her belt.

Sirisco also goes down a bad path, similar to Misia. He brings misery and problems to the villa in his outage over Pampinea's treatment of him. Yet he does repent after he sees that his actions have directly led to the deaths of the peasants who treat him well, and he survives.

[silkjade]

LET ME SAVE YOU, HOLD THIS ROPE (but i am an anchor, sinking you)

ayato x reader ⤀ warnings: gn!reader, arranged marriage, miscommunication (sort of?) a/n: a short and random brainrot

When your clan elders propose a marriage between you and he, ayato's heart jumps in a way it never has before. To hit two birds with one stone: to save your clan from a fate like the kaedeharas, while strengthening your existing alliance. And more, he thinks. You had always told him to marry for love, but to marry his closest friend whom he's been in love with is another thing; it's even better. Furthermore, if ayaka and thoma are correct in what they say you "obviously" feel for him, then... he cannot wait to tell you the news.

When your clan elders tell you of the arrangement between you and the esteemed yashiro commissioner, your heart just about drops down to your stomach in dread. Ayato, your dear friend ayato, who you've known since childhood, who has always put his clan above himself, who you've been hopelessly in love with for years.

But just because you love him, doesn't mean he should have to marry you out of whatever obligation he may have to your friendship. You've always told him to marry for love, to at least be selfish in this regards, and you still stand by your words. There are other inazuman nobles for you to marry, other alliances for the yashiro commission to make, and there will come someone for ayato to fall in love with. You cannot do this to him, you must break off this engagement.

"Given the hour of your call, you must have something important to tell me."

With a sly smile, ayato puts down the documents he was reviewing, giving you his full, undivided attention. Perhaps the news of your betrothal had finally brought you to confess your feelings. If you do, he plans to do the same.

"Please call off the engagement."

© silkjade — do not steal, plagiarize, translate or repost any content onto any other platform

[thefandomsfervent]

ARCANE CHARACTERS AND STARDEW VALLEY

Combining my special interests to feed the mice in my brain. Don't have my laptop this holiday season so please excuse any typos lol. FTing Sky, Mel, Jayce, Viktor, Sevika, Jinx, Isha, Ekko, Vi, Caitlyn

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Mel

Farm: meadow lands, likes the waterfall

Co-op: forest with Viktor, Sky, and Jayce, ends up playing with skye the most

Fave villager(s): Maru, Gus, Evelyn, Elliot

Least fave: Morris and Pierre. Uninterested in their beef, reminds her of the council. Lewis because she knows Marnie could do better

Romance/Roommate: Leah solo, loves thst she gives you a sculpture, elliot in co-op because he's romantic but divorces him to marry Skye because the ring is pretty

Fave Activity: tailoring clothes, made the dresses for her and Skye's wedding

Skill they max out first: farming, mostly the animals. Gave all of them cute names

Fave Secret note: 19. Really cemented her dislike for Lewis but loves the absurdity of him having a golden statue of himself in the game. Will absolutely continue to place it around town when she needs a laugh

Fave Holiday/Event: dance of the moonlight jellies, loves the song and thinks that the rare green jelly was something that only happens rarely not everytime

Mods: aesthetic mods only, most to customize her character further

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Sky

Farm: has played on every farm but loves the Meadowland one the most since it's the newest

Co-op: is the reason that Mel, Jayce, and Viktor are on the forest farm. Thinks it's the best for beginners

Fave villager(s): Maru, Penny, Harvey, and Evelyn

Least fave: Mr.Qi, something about him just freaks her out

Romance/Roommate: Harvey is who she marries most her solo, thinks he is so sweet and relaxing, has married Elliot, Penny, and Sebastian. Maru when it's co-op, hated divorcing her but hadn't ever married another player so wanted to try it with Mel

Fave Activity: starting a million files, helping new players get started, has acheived perfection on one save but is who introduced perfection to Viktor

Skill they max out first: Foraging. Always waits til Saturday and mass collects

Fave Secret note: 11, thinks that the photo is so so sweet and wishes that there were more sweet moments like that in the game

Fave Holiday/Event: Dance of the Moonlight Jellies. It was the flower dance because it's such a first game experience but didn't have the heart to tell Mel that the green jelly happens everytime so when it happened it reminded her of the effort put into the game being a magical experience.

Mods: usually just aesthetic mods, but helped Viktor install optmization ones

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Jayce

Farm: beach, likes that it can give you random supplies

Co-op: forest farm with Viktor, Mel, and Sky, eventually it would be just Sky and Mel playing it on co-op because he prefers solo play on beach farm

Fave villager(s): Evelyn, Gus, Gunther

Least fave: pierre (biased from viktor) wanted to be friends with clint since he was a blacksmith but his attitude made Jayce not like him. He won't admit it.

Romance/Roommate: would just live with Viktor and would be the one to get the marriage ring if Viktor played co-op long enough.

Fave Activity: Volcano forge, combinging rings and leveling up weapons

Skill they max out first: Mining, collected so much ore early on. Especially in the winters of year 1 and 2

Fave Secret note: 27, after his review with grandpa he was sad that he wouldn't see or hear from him again but finding note 27 made him really happy and gave him hope that there would be more of him in the game elsewhere (would try to get perfection but lost steam on the game)

Fave Holiday/Event: desert festival, likes the calico egg mini games and the stalls remind him of the young inventors comp

Mods: new items to craft, loved the farm computer and wanted more things like it

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Viktor

Farm: hill top farm, just likes the layout aesthetically

Co-op: has one with skye, mel, and Jayce but ends up secretly hitting perfection on his own farm

Fave villager(s): sebastian, demetrius, and harvey

Least fave: Pierre. After the first time a villager said that Pierre shit on his produce and claimed the good ones as his own he's had beef. Wanted to steal Caroline away because of it.

Romance/Roommate: jayce gave him puppy dog eyes when he considered marrying anyone in game, was only going to do it for perfection, ends up living with Krobus

Fave Activity: building the junimo huts and changing the junimo colors

Skill they max out first: foraging, just ended up walking around the map a lot when he was in early game and would picked up anything he could

Fave Secret note: 12, loved that you could go digging through the trash for random stuff. Became his favourite after he finished 3 community bundles of it.

Fave Holiday/Event: night market, reminds him of bartering in Zaun markets with his mother when he was younger

Mods: optimization mods, anything that helps keep track of things

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Ekko

Farm: meadowlands, blue grass reminded him of Powder/Jinx

Co-op: fourcorners for him, isha, and jinx and would end up doing most of the work

Fave villager(s): Linus, Penny, and Krobus

Least fave: Lewis, passive agressive white man pissed him off. Was going to be his fave because the stache reminded him of Heimerdinger. Dislikes gunther too, liked the artifacts at first but that man takes all the credit and it pisses him off.

Romance/Roommate: torn between Leah as an artistic naturalist girl and Emily as a blue haired baddie. Would want to marry Jinx in game but Jinx wouldn't play it long enough to get the ring

Fave Activity: Community Board and Help Wanted, likes the random side quests and also loves helping the community.

Skill they max out first: Farming but it came from all his work with the animals not crops.

Fave Secret note: 14, liked the stone statue but gives it to Isha because she loves the Junimos

Fave Holiday/Event: Feast of the Winter Star. Feels like its the best community event and loves hunting for the best gift for his assigned village

Mods: aesthetic mods only

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Jinx

Farm: forest farm solo but doesnt ever remember what she was going to do. Finished the community center year 5 but barely progressed the game outside of that

Co-op: plays four corners with isha and Ekko but only logs in when they beg her to

Fave villager(s): Abigail, Vincent, Jaz, Henchman, Marlon

Least fave: doesn't care enough to dislike anyone but will pick a person to walk into and block their path everyday. Thinks the lil angry bubble that pops up is funny

Romance/Roommate: doesn't care enough to do that. Accidentally dated and broke up with half the village because she would buy bouqets and wilted bouqets and give them out randomly

Fave Activity: Junimo Cart, thinks it's funny that people hate the whale level so much

Skill they max out first: foraging. Picking up random things over the many in game years finally maxed it out

Fave Secret note: 13, gave the junimo plush to Isha and she loved it

Fave Holiday/Event: Egg Hunt, likes beating Abigail but really just wants Isha to win on co-op

Mods: doesn't install any but will randomly install ones on Ekko and Sevika's solo save files

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Vi

Farm: Hill Top Farm for the variety of spots

Co-op: Caitlyn on the Forest Farm (caitlyn picked it)

Fave villager(s): Marlon, Willy, Gus, and Abigail

Least fave: Haley, its a love hate relationship.

Romance/Roommate: sad she couldn't romance robin on her solo save but ended up marrying Haley. Marries Cait and sets up a whokle extravagant build for it on her farm too

Fave Activity: Skull Cavern diving. Love, love, loves the combat and plundering for chests

Skill they max out first: Combat

Fave Secret note: 10, introduced her to the skull cavern.

Fave Holiday/Event: Trout Derby. Gives Cait all her prize tickets

Mods: just things to make the skull cavern harder

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Caitlyn

Farm: forest farm. Thinks it's the prettiest

Co-op: makes Vi play on the forest farm too

Fave villager(s): Elliot, Penny, Sandy, and Caroline

Least fave: Wizard freaks her out for some reason and couldn't get past Shane's rudeness

Romance/Roommate: vi on co-op but on solo it's Abigail

Fave Activity: Prarie King, has defeated it! Is shit at Junimo Cart though

Skill they max out first: Farming, equal split between crops and animals

Fave Secret note: 5, helped her the most in gift giving and she likes Penny

Fave Holiday/Event: Flower Dance, thinks it's pretty

Mods: base game. No mods

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Sevika

Farm: wilderness farm, likes the challenge

Co-op: refuses to do co-op but helps Isha in the mines when the combat is too hard

Fave villager(s): Birdie, Marlon, Kent, Dwarf

Least fave: Lewis. Exudes elitist pilitie energy and she could sniff it off him immediately.

Romance/Roommate: doesn't romance anyone but does adopt Leo. Doesn't want anyone to know about it but the ginger island stuff is her favorite part of the game.

Fave Activity: liked the Pirate's Wife Quest and the matching of items to people. Felt like the conclusion was nice and realistic

Skill they max out first: Combat, mostly because the mines since the farm gives so little xp

Fave Secret note: 15, likes the mermaid show and kept the pearl the rest of her play through

Fave Holiday/Event: Night Market. Most reminiscent event of Zaun and likes the lil guy who sells the paintings.

Mods: doesnt care enough to do mods. Woukd have considered them before Jinx started pranking her with them

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Find my other headcanons and fics here!

[mariacallous]

The US supreme court heard one of the most consequential LGBTQ+ rights cases in its history on Wednesday, with arguments that laid bare the conservative supermajority’s broad threats to civil rights, bodily autonomy and decades of legal precedent.

In US v Skrmetti, the court is weighing Tennessee’s ban on gender-affirming healthcare for transgender youth, one of 24 state laws across the US prohibiting treatments that are part of the standards of care endorsed by every major medical association in the country.

The case originated with three trans youth and their parents who sued Tennessee, arguing the care – puberty blockers and hormone therapy – was medically necessary and “life-saving”. The Biden administration joined the case, asserting Tennessee’s law was unconstitutional.

The case hinges on the legal question of whether Tennessee’s healthcare ban constitutes a form of sex discrimination that merits “heightened scrutiny”, which would mean the case be returned to lower courts for a more rigorous review. But the oral arguments made clear that a ruling against the trans plaintiffs could have far-reaching implications for trans rights and anti-discrimination protections more broadly.’

The US and the ACLU argued that the law is discriminatory and bans treatments based on sex classifications; under Tennessee’s ban, cisgender boys with delayed puberty can be prescribed testosterone, but transgender boys are barred from accessing the same treatments for gender-affirming care. Tennessee argued that the law is an “across the board rule” to “protect minors” from “risky” medical interventions.

Elizabeth Prelogar, the US solicitor general, noted that the court would “turn its back on 50 years of precedent” if it sided with Tennessee’s arguments that the law does not constitute sex discrimination warranting closer scrutiny.

Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, a liberal, repeatedly compared Tennessee’s ban with the prohibition on interracial marriage, overturned by the landmark Loving v Virginia decision in 1967: “Some of these questions … sound very familiar to me, [such as] the arguments made back in the day, the 50s and 60s, with respect to racial classifications.” Jackson later added: “I’m worried that we’re undermining the foundations of some of our bedrock equal protection cases.”

“I share your concerns,” responded the ACLU’s Chase Strangio, the first out trans lawyer to appear before the court. “If Tennessee can have an end-run around heightened scrutiny … that would undermine decades of this court’s precedent.”

Kate Redburn, co-director of Columbia Law School’s Center for Gender and Sexuality Law, explained after the arguments that there was the potential for an outcome that “would authorize a much broader range of sex discrimination, which has been previously found unconstitutional.

“There could be situations where the government could distinguish between people by sex, and courts would not intervene,” they continued, saying a ruling in favor of Tennessee could make it easier for states to pass policies that discriminate on the basis of pregnancy or other reproductive choices, for example: “Regulations that we now would say are based on stereotypes – especially stereotypes about what women’s proper role is – depending on how expansive this opinion is, those stereotypes could be authorized.”

Justice Sonia Sotomayor, another liberal, also noted that a decision declaring that the ban on care is not discriminatory could open the door to bans on gender-affirming healthcare for all trans people, not just youth: “You’re licensing states to deprive grown adults of the choice of which sex to adopt.”

Matthew Rice, Tennessee’s solicitor general, responded that the “democratic process” was the “best check on potentially misguided laws”. Sotomayor interjected: “When you’re 1% of the population, or less, it’s very hard to see how the democratic process is going to protect you. Blacks were a much larger part of the population and it didn’t protect them. It didn’t protect women for whole centuries.”

“That was a chilling moment,” said Sydney Duncan, senior counsel at Advocates for Trans Equality, who sat in the courtroom. “Is the next step to ban adult healthcare? The state didn’t have a great answer there.” She noted that Tennessee’s law is rooted in “bad science” and misinformation. Doctors cited as expert witnesses for the state have repeatedly been discounted and rebuked by US judges for their lack of credentials and anti-trans bias, the Guardian recently reported.

Justice Brett Kavanaugh, a conservative, asked Prelogar about bans on trans people in athletics: “If you prevail here … would transgender athletes have a constitutional right to play in women’s and girls’ sports?” Prelogar responded that the sports issue – which has become a focus of Republicans’ culture war – was related to a different legal question. Kavanaugh’s questions raised some concerns from advocates that the outcome could have broader impacts for LGBTQ+ rights beyond youth healthcare.

“The justices likely see this case as a potential harbinger of future litigation and constitutional questions about trans people’s equal protection,” Redburn said.

Rice also claimed that trans plaintiffs were seeking a “right to engage in nonconforming behavior”. Redburn said the remark was noteworthy and raised broader concerns about people’s rights to self-expression:

“You can see the motivation is not, as the state has suggested, to protect the health of children, which is something that states have a right to regulate, but instead is based on not only particular animus towards transgender individuals, but also a broader social vision that upholds a certain gender hierarchy.”

The conservative justices appeared reluctant to intervene and block Tennessee’s ban, which means the outcome next year could deliver a dramatic blow to trans rights at a time of escalating attacks on LGBTQ+ equality across the US.

“It’s so important that we understand this case as deeply connected to … laws on race and sex discrimination more broadly,” said Kimberly Inez McGuire, executive director of United for Reproductive and Gender Equity (Urge), an advocacy group. “These questions of what is privacy, what is autonomy, can we control our bodies and our families – these are all intertwined.”

The questions from Jackson and Sotomayor, she said, made clear that “the struggle for the recognition of trans people’s humanity cannot be separated from questions of race and gender equality that have long been cornerstones of this nation’s jurisprudence”, McGuire said.

She noted that anti-abortion and anti-trans activism were closely linked and that this case would probably be followed by efforts to ban adult gender-affirming care, birth control, IVF and other healthcare: “We have seen the right use marginalized people as the tip of the spear for a much larger attack … This voracious desire to be involved in our most personal, private decisions has no end.”

Imara Jones, a podcaster and CEO of the news organization TransLash, who sat in the room, noted that the healthcare under threat was long established: “If you eliminate gender-affirming care, you’re going to be shortening people’s lives and diminishing the quality of their lives. It’s a very real impact. This is not a constitutional or esoteric consideration for trans people. It’s as personal as it gets.”

Bamby Salcedo, a longtime activist and president of the TransLatin@ Coalition, said she and other advocates were bracing for a harmful ruling, but added: “For many of us as a community, hope is the last thing that will die. Regardless of the outcome, we as people are resilient … and we are going to continue to exist despite the oppression we may experience because of this decision. We are going to continue to fight like hell for all of us to be protected.”

[kingdoms-and-empires]

The King's Hound Review

I recently had to go travel and read a few works that I never got around to reading but was interested in.

PLEASE REMEMBER THIS REVIEW IS DONE BY ME AS A READER AND IS MY OWN OPINION.

This means I will review in accordance to my own tastes, how the game caters to me, and what I feel. Do not take my word as gospel, what I may not be interested in or dislike, may be what YOU are interested and love!!!

@the-kingshound

Synopsis:

You are the King’s spouse, his right and left hand, the unstoppable executor of his will. Your name is whispered by enemies and allies with fear and respect alike, some says it’s your arm that bears the weight of the entire kingdom.

They call you the King’s hound. It started as a way to taunt you but it’s not that far away from the truth. Your loyalty is blind, your devotion absolute. The King’s vision is your vision.

Your name will forever mark history alongside theirs.

But for now, you are being shipped to your betrothed, alone and powerless on your way to Camelot.

As the seventh child of the Venegard House, you’ve always had little to look forward to other than an arranged marriage to achieve a political alliance.

That’s exactly why, after your parents lost the rebellion against King Arthur, you were the one sent to him as a sign of newfound peace.

You don’t know what awaits you now, but after you Camelot will never be the same.

Review:

The Good: The project is 18+, and the writing is very well done. It just feels quality. Plus the UI and and dark background are classy. The game is Twine, so you get the save functions of Twine and all that jazz. Anyways, descriptions are well done, the worldbuilding is grounded and helps form the politics in-game. It's thought-out and noticeable. The player customization goes hard and you even get the option to play mute! In The King's Hound, you also find a game that provides the LGBTQ+ demographic and FemMC playing community a welcoming and acknowledging home. The descriptions of the fight scenes and battles (like action set pieces) are good and don't leave you scratching your head. The transitions between paragraphs and pages happen naturally and without breaking pace, which shows the talent of a writer that considers their audience. Also, in regards to the King Arthur mythos and worldbuilding done by the author, i just really appreciate the fact that Camelot is Welsh.

It just gives me an idea of how much the author researched or cares about the mythos to give that respect of origin for the story. I had problems with how King Arthur was being super nice at first, but the author recently stated in a post that Arthur was acting in such a manner because he is deliberately trying to be the opposite of King Uther!

And that in the future, the work will offer more text to reveal that to us, the player.

The Bad: I wouldve liked being able to marry a cousin, niece, sister, or even daughter of King Arthur (or genderbender him) but that is literally my only complaint as a straight dude tryna self insert. The author tells you explicitly that you are marrying the king. If the author decides not to, as is their right and vision, I have no problem whatsoever. I still think the work is well written, and has many elements that i personally fuck with (low fantasy, grounded narrative, adult themes) The fact that i wish the author could change this, is only because i like the work so much. Instead, in this playthrough King Arthur will find that the MC practices

The Ugly: The MAP. But that's only because my history buff mind thinks of the British Isle when hearing these names and when i saw the map it physically gave me whiplash. But youre making your own version of the story, so bully!

The Aftermath: I know this game isnt catered towards me as a straight dude. It is a proud queer game with quality writing, that'd also do really well for the FemMC readers. I would recommend this game to anyone who wants a low fantasy medieval setting, with good writing, and grounded narratives that isn't a straight dude's traditional power fantasy.

Next playthrough, ima be a mute straight girl thatll hoe around King Arthur's court out of sheer spite

^Marci from Dota: Dragon Blood

[himasgod]

SUMERU CHARACTERS MASTERLIST

(REMEMBER! I write about all the characters in Genshin Impact, except the kid-models. If the character you want is not here, don't worry! It will be added eventually)

King Deshret x Reader I ,where King Deshret falls in love with Nabu Malikata and forgets you, causing you to leave Sumeru to forget him

King Deshret x Reader II, where Cyno, through the eyes of Hermanubis, begins to have all the memories about the Queen, you, and King Deshret

King Deshret x Reader III , where, with your marriage clause, you manipulate Deshret into having to decide between his humiliation and his home, or Nabu Malikata.

King Deshret x Reader IV part I, where Deshret finds out that you are marrying Morax, and goes to great lengths to get to the location and beg for your forgiveness.

King Deshret x Reader IV part II, where Deshret interrupts your wedding with a sincere apology and at the altar, next to Morax, you must decide what to do.

King Deshret x Reader VI , where you realize that you have returned to where it all began, and you make sure to attack the problem at its root.

Cyno x Reader, where his nightmares with visions of Hermanubis torment him

Scaramouche x Reader, where you find him making a toy that looks like him

Scaramouche x Reader, where you argue after running away from each other for so long

Kinich x Reader and Scaramouche x Reader, (separated, two different one shots) where Kinich comforts you after you have been r4ped, and where Scaarmouche listens to you talk about your family issues

Kaveh x Reader, where, having an anxiety attack, you meet Kaveh.

Kaveh x Reader, where you care about him while he is inmersed on his work

Sethos x Reader, where you are a scholar investigating the Hermanubis case

Layla x Reader, where you become the most bright star in her sky

Nilou x Reader, where Nilou sees you crying at her show, and invites you to dance with her alone

🎃How would they spend Halloween night with their partners? 🎃SUMERU VERSION

(As I receive requests and publish other one shots, I will complete this masterlist, so don't forget to save it or review often!)

(Also, here is my masterlist about other characters <3)

[wildfloweronwheels]

Back in 2021, upon the re-release of her version of ‘Red’, Taylor Swift described the album as her “first real exploration of adult heartbreak’. All scarlet hues and secret oaths, scarves lost to time and vibrant aches in colour so bright she was left blinded.

Well if that was her first, this is her glorious second. All sepia tones and maps made from scars. It’s black, white and shades of grey, the life that swam down the drain. It's rings that never came and veils worn in death (not marriage), baby names tucked away and a knight come to save the day. Except while he was meant to be healing wounds, he was building a second tomb.

- An extract from my review of The Tortured Poets Department which you can read here

[lurkingshan]

2024 Recap: ✨A Summary✨

Post your most popular and/or favourite edit/gifset/analysis for each month (it’s okay to skip months!)

@troubled-mind and @my-rose-tinted-glasses brought this back, so here is mine! I can't believe some of this stuff happened this year, it feels like it's been 84 years.

January:

most popular - Deep character analysis of Phaya from The Sign

favorites - The birth of Japanese QL Corner, Breakdown of the Last Twilight finale (siiiigh), love for I Became the Main Role in a BL Drama and Gyeongseong Creature, and this list of some of my fav non-BL jdramas

I was a busy little bee in January! Not surprising, as I tend to hermit at home in the deep winter and do nothing but watch dramas and post too much. JQL Corner became my big project of the year, and I can't believe there wasn't a single week that I didn't have Japanese QL to talk about. I Became the Main and Gyeongseong were both surprise delights that ended up among my favs of the year. I’m still holding my LT grudge, in case anyone had any doubt.

February:

most popular - Praise for Dead Friend Forever's mystery arc

favorites - Appreciation for Love for Love's Sake's ending, every single LITBC book club post that I either wrote or read, my final review of Cooking Crush

The original run for the LITBC book club that @bengiyo and I led! What a great time reading a fantastic book, chatting with besties, and making new friends. I also stand by that praise for DFF's mystery arc--that was the strongest part of the show; the things I took issue with were elsewhere in the story. I have just been thinking I need to rewatch LFLS and this post reminds me why (I remember when it first ended me and @wen-kexing-apologist were like, we're going to watch it again immediately! And then realized we were in no way emotionally prepared for that LMAO). Cooking Crush remains a fav and I may or may not be rewatching right now.

March:

most popular and favorite- An actual love letter to TsukuTabe, my beloved

other favorites - Analysis of Unknown ep 6 aka The Turning Point and big love for Cherry Magic Thailand after the finale

Wow, three of my very favorite shows of the year all happening at once. What a blessed month this was. Also, this is not a specific post, but this is the month when I read Da Ge and then spent weeks with people coming into my DMs to get their own copy of the translation, which was a top fandom experience for me because I met a bunch of new people, some of whom stuck around to talk about Unknown, and it made me feel like an illicit dealer which was very fun.

April:

most popular - The boopening

favorites- A breakdown of the pseudo-incest trope and this list of my favorite friends to lovers dramas

The boopening was a once in a lifetime whimsical tumblr event, and I am so glad I was able to participate fully. I also really like these other two because I feel strongly that all tropes have their place and can be enjoyed when executed well and I love talking about that.

May:

most popular - Love for Oyei and Cher from Wandee Goodday

favorites - Trans Allegory in Cupid's Last Wish, co-authored with @wen-kexing-apologist and @so-much-yet-to-learn and this cdrama rec list.

I spent much of May watching and posting about shows I did not end up liking much in the end, but that is also the month I finally watched CLW with my friends and enjoyed it more than expected, in part because WKA had us watch it through the lens of trans allegory, which totally worked.

June:

most popular - Class disparity themes in Love Sea

favorites - 10 Things I Love About Triage, celebrating Thai marriage equality with @my-rose-tinted-glasses, praise for Marahuyo Project

What a fun Pride month with the start of Love Sea, Knock Knock Boys, Marahuyo Project, The Trainee, and me finally watching Triage.

July:

most popular - Teaching the youths about face fucking and power dynamics in Love Sea

favorites - 10 Things I Love About Oppan and The Miracle of Teddy Bear Saved the Gays with @twig-tea

More great shows. I'm so glad me and Twig ignored the rumors and watched Teddy Bear because it's one of my favorite Thai dramas of all time.

August:

most popular - Cheering on the defeat of noble idiocy in Love Sea

favorites - Praise for Knock Knock Boys and this spicy JBL rec list and this other quality JBL rec list and calling out weird fandom attitudes about JBL

Another good month, and the busiest by far for QL Corner. There were so many JQLs airing this summer! What a time to be alive.

September:

most popular - Documenting Wang's behavior in The On1y One

favorites - 10 Things I Love About Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding, clocking Doku Koi as a fav early, this high school bl rec list and this BL romance rec list

I'm filled with so much bitterness reading that Wang/Tian post. I'll be taking this grudge to the grave!

October:

most popular - Moar boops

favorites - Analyzing Dohoe in Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo and celebrating the first two episodes of Love in the Big City and the creation of the LITBC Drama Book Club Round Up

Two moody Korean shows with complicated gay leads dropped in my birthday month, the book club band was back together, and I got to do Halloween themed boops. I WAS THRIVING IN OCTOBER.

November:

most popular - On fandom as a life saving force

favorites - This list of some of my trash favs for @happypotato48 and getting my feelings out on Young and Gyuho and Hirukawa and Minase and final thoughts on the LITBC drama

I was having a lot of feelings in November.

December:

most popular - Democracy in Squid Game 2

favourite - QL superlatives and grievances, this round up of my fav dramas of the year and being so very normal about Hirukawa

This write up really helped me appreciate that I had good stuff to watch and write about every month this year. There were some disappointments, but also a lot of shows I really loved and it was fun to remember some of the things I wrote. Also, i got to make so many fun rec lists! If you were tagged here, or if you just see this and want to join in, consider yourself invited to do your own!

You can go here to find your top 10 posts of each month.

[maladaptivedaydreamers]

Pent Up Marriage (Arranged Marriage! Ayato x Reader)

Synopsis: You desperately want to make this marriage work, and after he cheated on you multiple times, you made the numbing decision on how to save it. It works! However, you’re now like a puppet to your husband, growing numb and emotionless. Ayato, on the other hand, seems to enjoy it.

Direct Quote: “Yeah, so…whenever you need it, just…tell me, you know. It doesn’t matter if you’re mad or frustrated or just needy, if you need to exert some kind of stress, just let it out on me.” You say, looking at him in the eye. He stared at you, not knowing what to say, but…kinda turned on. “…"I'll keep that in mind, then. Just be prepared in case I get violent or something. I can be...brutal."

TW: Non-con, Dub-con, Harsh s3x, Abus3, Groping, Somno, Forceful, Manipulation, Cheating

After another stressful day at work, you come home feeling stressed and tired. Your husband, Ayato, seems to be having another “overtime” at his office. You clean up, tidy up the house, do the laundry, cook dinner. Eventually, Ayato comes home, disheveled and upset, as usual.

“Hey.” He uttered, removing his shoes as he entered the apartment.

“You’re home.” You said, walking up to him and placing a small kiss on his cheek. Part of the routine. As you did so, you see a small red mark on his collar, lip stick. “Take your shirt off.” You simply say, unbuttoning his shirt.

Ayato looked confused and irritated as he looked down at you. “What?”

“I said, take your shirt off. You don’t want it to stain, do you? Red pigment is hard to wash off if it dries.” You say, blankly. You’ve gotten used to his cheating ways, and all you wanted to do was adapt to it.

Ayato rolled his eyes before harshly unbuttoning his shirt, tossing it to you. “There, whatever.” He uttered before heading to the bathroom to shower.

As you tossed the shirt in the washing machine, you were thinking of a way to stop him from his affairs. After all, if his and your family were to find out that he was looking for another person to fulfill his desires, you’d be in big trouble.

Whatever, you still had some work to do anyway, you should just think about it another time. Focus on your laptop and let your husband do…whatever, I guess?

Soon, it was deep into the night and you decide to head into your shared room. Or you would consider to be just Ayato’s room.

Ayato's room was neat and tidy, with only a few books scattered on the floor with the covers facing up. His bed was made with sharp creases and the sheets were tucked firmly around a big pillow. Atop his desk was a large PC setup, the lights softly illuminated the room, and in the far corner, a door leads to another room in the house, the bathroom.

Ayato was already under the covers, his arms folded underneath his head and his eyes closed tight. He didn't turn to look at you and stayed silent, pretending to be asleep.

You were still restless, as you let out a yawn as you get into your side of the bed, sitting up and leaning against the headrest. You spend a few minutes looking over and reviewing some files. Ayato pretended to stay asleep, but one of his eyes peaked open as if curious about what you were doing. The faint glow of your phone screen caught his attention as he moved his head slowly, peeking just a little bit more. Why would you still be awake?

Soon, you fell asleep. You shouldn’t have forced yourself to stay up so late. That’s what Ayato thought, that you were always killing yourself by working too hard for a job that you cared too much about. Ayato sighed, getting out of bed. He walked over to you, picking up the documents before covering you with a blanket and laying them down on the small table next to your bed.

He leaned down to your ear and whispered, "Good night."

He turned off the lights, then headed back to his room to do the same. The two of you slept soundly at opposite ends of the house, not bothering each other for the rest of the night.

Not for long though…

Suddenly, your phone rang, your stupid boss again. It was 5am! Why would he be-

“Hello?” You answered, why did you answer? Your eyes were squinting from being suddenly woken up, “Sir, I got the files back earlier, I’ll deliver it when I get to work later. …No, I can’t deliver them now, I just got back home…Thank you, goodnight.” You sighed, knowing it will be another heavy day.

Ayato woke up with a start, but kept quiet, listening to your end of the phone call. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed you were up. He remained silent for a moment, but eventually spoke up.

"Bad news, huh? Can't sleep?" he asked, looking towards you in the dim light of the room.

You were startled, and also a little guilty. “Shit, did I wake you up?”

"Yes, but don't worry about it." Ayato sat up and put his feet down on the floor. As the two of you sat on opposite sides of the bed, he spoke again.

"Does your boss never let you rest? Or maybe you're just bad at your job." He chuckled slightly, and you noticed a slight annoyance in his tone.

You hum a simple, “Mhmm.” as you rest your head onto your pillow.

"You were out all night and now your boss wants you to go to work? Is this the life of my wife? To be some company's dog you can just go around and do your boss's dirty work?" Ayato smirked and leaned back on his elbows, amused by his own sarcastic comment.

You didn’t know what to say, frankly, your mouth just spoke whatever your mind processed first. “…Oh..have I been neglecting you?”

Ayato let out a sigh and rolled his eyes, seeming a little irritated by your comment.

"We're in this marriage just because our parents wanted us to. We're not in love," he said, speaking bluntly.

"So it really doesn't matter if we neglect each other or not. Besides, this is a loveless marriage, and neither of us loves the other. That means we have no obligations to each other."

You nod. “…Do you feel neglected? Which…makes you cheat?”

He seemed to be annoyed, which caused him to ramble on and on. "Do I feel neglected? Pssh!" He paused for a moment before continuing. "You know what? Not really. I don't rely on you to fulfill my needs."

"And you're right, I have been seeing other people, but don't mistake them for being my lovers!”

You sighed, seeing he wasn’t answering the question. “So…are you? No judgement, really. It’s okay to admit that you’re…you know…needy.”

Ayato's eyes widened for a moment before he stared at you in shock.

"Needy? What are you getting at?" he asked, trying to hide his annoyance. "I guess so.... Yeah, I am. What now?"

“It’s just an observation, you know. You’ve been kissing me on the cheek, waiting for me to get home. It’s unusual for you to do that….” You say.

"Don't get the wrong idea," he scoffed, his voice becoming louder as he raised an eyebrow. "Just because it's an unusual night, does not mean I care for you." He hissed the words with such intensity. "It's just that...I felt like it, that's all. Get that into your head." He sighed again. His annoyance was starting to fade into a sadness, but his attitude remained rough and cold.

“…Thank you for telling me.” You sighed.

You thought for a minute…

He was needy… So he had affairs… Ah…now you know what to do.

“Hey…Ayato.” You sat up, meeting him eye to eye.

Ayato turned to look at you, his eyes still filled with annoyance and disappointment. "What do you want now? What else is there to talk about?”

You thought for a moment before saying, “You can always let your frustration out on me, you know?”

Ayato's face tightened. He looked as if he wanted to strangle you in a moment of rage. "You want me to let my frustration out on you? Just because we're in a loveless marriage, which makes you think that I get the right to abuse you?"

“Eh?” You look at him. “You don’t have to abuse me, you can just…release pent-up frustration.”

Ayato paused for a moment and lowered his voice, staring at you with slight confusion.

"You want me to hit you, or something?" Ayato scoffed, amused yet slightly confused at your suggestion.

“No..something like this.” You muttered before leaning in…

…and kissing him.

Ayato looked surprised as your lips touched his. For a second, he was caught off guard, but his lips soon parted, and he kissed you back passionately.

The taste of you was familiar, as one hand reached down as he kissed you, caressing your cheek, brushing your hair behind your ear; his other hand placed gently against your shoulder. He broke the kiss and sighed softly, looking down at you, his cheeks flushed.

“See? …Just like that.” You said, staring up at him blankly.

Ayato chuckled softly. "You really had me going for a second." He smirked and looked at you, shaking his head.

"Thanks." Ayato seemed to have calmed down, but he still looked tense and stiff, as he sighed again. "You were right. I may hate it, but I am needy. And you're the only person I can go to for it."

“Yeah, so…whenever you need it, just…tell me, you know. It doesn’t matter if you’re mad or frustrated or just needy, if you need to exert some kind of stress, just let it out on me.” You say, looking at him in the eye.

He stared at you, not knowing what to say, but…kinda turned on. “…"I'll keep that in mind, then. Just be prepared in case I get violent or something. I can be...brutal."

The next day, you get home from another hard day of work, working a little later than usual. You opened the door to your house and sighed. It seems that the day was longer than you thought. As you locked the door behind you, you realized that it had become much darker outside. A cold breeze came through your open jacket, and your arms quickly began to get goosebumps.

You quickly turn around. Ayato was standing there, right in behind you, with a deadpan expression on his face. His arms remained crossed the whole time, and you noticed a slight anger in his eyes.

He cleared his throat and stared at you directly, his tone still dry and annoyed. He took a deep breath and sighed.

"You're late." he said bluntly. "I've waited for you for hours, and yet you're...late. Did I give you permission to get home late?

You sighed, “Sorry, they made me do overtime.”

Ayato continued to look at you with a slightly annoyed look on his face. "I hope they gave you some decent compensation for making you work late."

He paused, "You'd better make up for that by coming right here and serving me the second you get home, you hear me?"

He raised his voice as he stepped closer to you.

"Do you understand, dear?" he muttered in a dry tone before looking away.

“Oh, I see what’s happening here.” you muttered before you leaned in and kissed him, placing your hand at the back of his neck.

He soon returned it. He placed a hand on the back of your neck as well, pulling you closer to him and gently guiding your body to the wall as you kissed. After a moment, he pulled back and looked at you, and you noticed his voice was softer than before.

"Good girl."

“You seemed to be frustrated… Bad day at work?” you said, looking up at him.

"You could say that..." The corners of his mouth turned up slightly into a dark smirk.

"So, why don't you go make me feel a little better?" This time, the sinister look was back on his face, and a twinkle of anger and resentment shone in his eyes. "I'm sure you can make up for being late and leaving me all by myself, can't you?"

You knew what you had to do, you leaned in to kiss him again, and he let you. Ayato soon grabbed you by the waist and led you to their bedroom, locking the door after he pushed you into it. Ayato smiled as his lips parted to break the kiss.

"You're good at making a man happy, you know? Keep up the good work." He chuckled darkly, as his gaze lingered on you for a moment.

“I promised you, didn’t I? You can take out your frustrations out on me.” You panted, out of breath from the kiss.

He smirked and nodded. He looked at you in a way that conveyed his expectations. As he stared at you, you could feel his impatience, and his desire for control. "You know what to do after that." Ayato watched you as you took off your blouse. He soon reached out and started caressing your chest, his fingers running across your skin as he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

His tone and expression were still serious and cold, but you noticed the slight signs of pleasure written on his face.

"More...I still don't feel satisfied."

You unzipped your bottoms as he continued to watch you. As your skirt fell to the floor, Ayato's eyes widened slightly and he smiled.

"Good girl." All of the anger was gone from his tone and voice, and you could hear a twinkle of desire in his voice. "That's a good girl."

You slowly sat down on the bed, and Ayato took a moment to look you up and down. His voice was now a little softer, and he smiled at you. His eyes were glued to your underwear and black tights, and you could already feel his desire growing. He soon stood up, and looked directly at you. He slowly pulled off his suit jacket, his eyes still focused on you all the while. "Now, then...why don't you get comfortable for me?"

He could only smile as you layed down on the bed. He slowly started walking towards you, taking off his belt and tossing it to the side. His dark gray dress pants were soon following it, as a mischievous look crossed his face. He climbed on top of you, his body covering yours, as you felt him place his hands on your waist. He sighed and slowly got comfortable, leaning down towards you. You could feel him start pulling off your tights, and his eyes became fixed on your skin. Ayato sighed, and a smile crossed his lips as he reached out and placed a soft kiss on your inner thigh. His hand slid back and forth across your skin, and you could feel his breath coming in slow, shallow breaths. He chuckled darkly as he looked up at you, and spoke in a low, dark voice.

“Such…a good girl…”

He began to kiss you again, as he trailed from your lips, to your neck, to your breasts. “Last time we did this…I don’t even remember.” He chuckled, pushing his band underneath you to get to your back. And in one swift motion, unclasped your bra. He tossed it somewhere in the room before continuing to kiss your chest, massaging the other with his hand.

“A-Ah..” You let out from the sudden feeling.

His hands trailed down to the waistband of your panties before pulling them down. “Spread them for me, hm?” He grinned as you did as you were told. “Good girl…good wife.” He said before slowly pressing a finger onto your hole causing you to whimper a little. This only made him chuckle as he pushed a finger in, slowly pumping it. “That’s it.” He said, kissing you to muffle your voice.

One finger became two…then became three as your whimpers turned into moans. “Shhh, calm down, hun.” he laughed. “That should stretch you out enough. Feel good?” He looked down at you, but you were unable to answer, still panting.

“Well, I’ll assume, okay? Now..make me feel good.” He asked, leaning back to show you his bulge. His cheeks were red as he still had that grin on his face. You nodded as you unzipped his pants, causing his dick to spring up. “Miss this?” Ayato chuckled, tapping his dick on your lips. “Go on then.”

You opened your mouth, slowly taking him in your mouth. God, you forgot how big he was. It has been a while, for sure. You take him in slowly, finally taking him in fully.

“Yes~ So…good. This is nice.” he said, letting out a sigh. You slowly bopped your head back and forth as he let out a few satisfied moans. As you kept going, you suddenly felt his hands push your head deeper.

“Mmhph?!” You gagged, but it was no use as he continued to thrust into your mouth.

He moaned happily, “Ah, shit~ That’s right~ I forgot how good your fucking throat is.” he moaned.

You felt him coming close as you felt him twitch inside your mouth. He pulled out, panting. “That’s…that’s a good girl.” He said, slapping you on the cheek softly as you coughed and breathed for air. He pushed you onto the bed, pulling you into another aggressive kiss and he trailed his hands on your hips. Ayato pushed himself in the middle of your legs and without hesitation, starting aligning his dick to your hole.

“Ah, shit!” he hissed as he had troubles pushing his tip inside you. He let out a few cursed laughs before saying, “You know, I really thought you were cheating on me too, just to get back at me. Ah!~ But…you’re so tight…fuck! It’s…a shame you’re not using this.” he mocked you, as he pushed in deeper.

“A-Ah! W-Wait!” You said, gripping his shoulders as he pushed deeper in you, your back arched as a few more inches entered you.

He bottoms out on you as he let out a moan. “Ah!~” he grinned in satisfaction, his dick resting inside your tight pussy. “Shit, you’re good.” he uttered as he started thrusting in and out of you, not giving you time to adjust.

“Fuck, you’re good, such a good wife.” He moaned, spreading your legs apart even further. He continued pounding into you, your whimpers turning into teary moans as he kept going. “Tsk, tsk. Don’t cry now. If it makes you feel better…you feel better than those bitches I cheat on you with. Hm? Feel better?” He sounded like he was mocking you, insulting you or something. But either way, you continued to moan as your legs went limp. He placed one of your legs on his shoulder, thrusting in deeper into your tight cunt.

Your body felt hot as you trembled underneath him. You were wondering whether or not this was the right decision or not. A mixture of pleasure and pain ran across your body, but soon, a knot was filling your stomach. God, it’s been ages since you last felt something like this. Moan after moan after moan, you couldn’t stop as your hands gripped the sheets. You couldn’t even make out words when the knot in your stomach unwinded, releasing an orgasm which made you arch your back and cried out.

“Oooh~ Shit, was that an orgasm? You’re so…weak..! It’s been what? 5 minutes? Feels so good, huh? Wanna tell your husband how good he is? Hm?” He laughed as he continued to pound into you.

He watched your breasts bounce as he pushed his cock in and out of you like an animal in heat, he wasn’t stopping. “Damnit.” He uttered out as the grip on your leg and waist tightened, he was getting close too. …And so were you.

“Fuck, fuck.” He uttered, his fingers digging into your skin. He leaned down as he sucked on your neck, leaving a few marks. His lips trailed back onto yours as your tongues danced.

You let out a cry of pleasure as another coil unraveled inside you. And this… this pushed him to the edge as he thrusted one final and harsh thrust, painting your insides white. “Ah, fuck!” He growled, spasming a few thrusts to ensure he’s in you.

You pant, seeing your surroundings close in on you as you feel exhausted. Your limbs go limp and your chest rise and fall.

Ayato looks down at you blankly…staring at you as you’re covered in sweat. Your legs drop and fall flat. But after a few seconds, he puts them back on his shoulder. “No, no, no… we’re not done. No.” He shakes his head. He no longer had a grin on his face.

It was just filled with cold-hearted desire.

And after 4 rounds, he pulled out of you, his cum bursting out as soon as he did, dribbling on the sheets.

Ayato was breathing heavily, his heavy breaths coming and going in fast, shallow breaths. He took a moment to catch his breath, smiling as he looked down at you.

You were laid down on his bed, tired and exhausted from what had just happened, and you noticed Ayato's eyes staring down at you in satisfaction.

"You...didn't disappoint," He smirked.

"I hope you'll be more ready next time." He paused for a moment as he rolled his shoulders. "Now, why don't you get some sleep?"

You mumbled a small “Okay…” as your eyes were already shutting.

Ayato's eyes lingered on you for a moment, before he got up and went into the bathroom. After a few minutes, he came out, cleaned and dressed up. He slowly walked closer to you, and sat on the side of the bed.

He stared at you for a moment, and smiled softly.

"You're really are tired. You were a good girl tonight, you know." He sighed as he leaned over you, and kissed your forehead. "Try to get some rest, alright?"

This continued on and on and on and on, no matter if it was on your way to work or when you’ve just come back. It was like routine already. If you noticed Ayato was cranky, you’d be making out in no less than a few seconds.

One day, Ayato returned at 10pm, looking tired as he dropped his briefcase on the floor. He was still dressed in his work clothes, and the look of disdain on his face had grown even stronger.

He was exhausted and tired, and the light in his eyes was almost gone. He sighed quietly as he walked to the kitchen and started rummaging through the cabinets for a drink. He looked over at you, and his lip curled up in contempt.

"What do you want? I'm not in the mood to talk." His tone was cold and dismissive.

“You okay?” you ask from the living room.

Ayato turned around and stared at you, his gaze still filled with disdain.

"I'm fine. I just had a fantastic day at work." He took out a bottle of vodka and opened it, pouring himself a cup. He sighed as he poured himself a glass, and then drank the entire glass in one go.

"Why do you care, anyway?" He turned around and leaned against the counter, his tone growing even more cold. "Do you really care about how I feel?"

You pause, thinking of the right thing to say. “…Depends if you want me to care.”

"I'm your husband."

His tone was stern and slightly aggressive, and he soon set his empty glass aside.

"You should always care about how I feel. After all, you're my wife." He sighed, and a hint of anger could be sensed in his voice. "If you're not going to care, then maybe you should just leave."

“…You okay? Seriously, you can tell me.” You look over at him, lightly concerned.

"I'm fine..." A sigh of disappointment escaped his lips as he reached out for the bottle of vodka and refilled the cup.

"Just let me drink in peace. I don't want to talk about it." His tone was still stern and serious, as it had been in the morning. He had just had an awful day, and he wanted to spend the rest of the day drinking to make himself feel better. He was just hoping that you wouldn't keep pestering him as he continued drinking his vodka in silence.

You let out a sigh before walking up to him, taking the cup away. “That’s enough.”

"Hey! Give it back to me." You could see the light of anger in his eyes as he looked down at you, his lip curling up in a snarl as he glared at you. "I said, give it back to me." He glared down at you, as he reached a hand out and started trying to grab the cup from you.

You sigh as he leans in to take the cup back, so you lean in close…kissing him.

When you leaned in to kiss him, the light of anger in his eyes changed to a light of passion.

He couldn't help but let out a moan as his lips met yours, and he pressed himself against you. He pulled his hand back from trying to grab the drink.

"Good girl."

He pulled away from the kiss and smiled softly, as he brushed a strand of your hair aside.

Ayato smirked at you, as you could see the light of amusement in his eyes once more.

"Good girl. This is what I've been waiting for all day," he chuckled.

As he spoke, he went in for another kiss, much deeper than the first one and with far more passion.

Do you see what I mean? This was everyday with him. And it was…all your fault. You suggested this, and he just took the chance. It didn’t matter where either. The kitchen, the couch, the bathroom, the car. You would always comply. Even if you said…

“Ayato, not today…”

“Ayato, I’m tired…can we not do it today?”

“Ayato…please don’t?”

It would always end in you and him fucking ‘til his heart’s content.

But you were successful though, in making him NOT cheat. He always came home early, looking for you instead of some other girl. That’s a good thing…right?

But don’t worry! He would reward you. Every time you two are done, he would lay beside you, propping himself using his elbow and whisper…

“What would you like for your reward? Anything in the world…”

“You want a diamond necklace?”

“Does my good girl want a new car? New shoes?”

“I’ll get you whatever you want.”

That’s a good thing, right? He’s…being nice? He’s spoiling you, like a husband would.

But deep down, you were getting tired. Not of him, but of…this. Not mentally, but physically. Because soon…

…You can’t sleep.

Why can’t you sleep? You close your eyes and see nothing, you can’t feel anything. You wanna sleep. But you can’t. Why can’t you sleep? Why can’t you sleep? Why can’t you sleep? Why can’t you sleep? Why can’t you sleep?

One day, you come home from work, exhausted and a little emotional, cause your boss is a bitch. Ayato was on the sofa in the living room, reading another newspaper. He looked up as you came through the door.

"Are you home early today, my love?" He smiled, still showing no true warmth or affection in his tone. “Is something the matter? You seem quite tired..."

He chuckled, before speaking again. "Ah, who am I kidding? You always seem tired...You just can't get enough sleep, can you?"

You stay silent for a moment before walking up to him…

And hugging him?

"Huh?" He was shocked by the sudden hug. "Is something the matter? Why did you hug me so suddenly?" His voice was calm, but there was still an air of resentment and malice. He was clearly not in the mood to care about you. He sighed, but continued to show an indifferent or annoyed look.

"I mean, it's a good surprise I guess, but it's not normal for you to show affection, so I'm a little surprised..."

“Please…be quiet. I just…need someone right now.” You uttered, as you stared into the floor.

"Hmph..Fine..." His voice was quiet, but it still carried a dark undertone to it that made it obvious he wasn't happy.

He sighed, before looking down at you and speaking once more. "Just so you know, it's not like I'm enjoying this. I'm just doing it because you've had a rough day, that's all. Do not get this mistaken for affection, Y/N."

He looked at you, his expression remaining cold and indifferent. "Is that clear?" In which you simply replied with a nod.

"Well, at least you understand..." He put his arms around you, and rested his head on yours. Despite the tone of his voice and the expressions he made, you could tell he was trying his best to be comforting...although he didn't seem to have much experience with this.

After a stressful day, a few tears dripped off your eyes as you rested against him. He noticed you crying, and sighed.

"Hm...are you okay?" His voice didn't sound like it normally did, but instead of being cold or sarcastic, it was a bit warmer than usual. "You seem a bit upset..."

He paused, before speaking again as he pulled your chin up a little. "My goodness, you look so miserable...You've really had a bad day, haven't you?"

You straightened yourself up, brushing off the tears before standing up. “I’ll head to bed now…goodnight.”

“Hey- Wha-“ He looked confused as he watched you walk to your shared room.

"Alright, then..." His voice was a lot softer than it normally was, and he gave you a small smile. "Goodnight, my love." He looked down a little, and you could see a hint of affection and kindness in his eyes now, but just for a moment.

Then it was gone, and he was once again a cold, reserved man, as he always had been.

So…what were you doing in your room? Why were you feeling so…weird? Like some sort of embarrassment and guilt?

…Is it because you bought those sleeping pills? The one you knew would slowly turn you into a drug-filled monster? Is it the way you’re popping 3 pills all at once? …Is that it? The pills kicked in fairly quickly, and you slowly started to fall asleep. It wasn't long before you became unconscious, feeling the effects of the sleeping pills. If you kept taking them at the same rate, you would soon be addicted to the pills, and it wouldn't be long before you couldn't sleep without them...

Soon, Ayato went inside the room, also wanting to sleep. He sees you on the bed, it was a little weird to see you sleeping so early since for the past few weeks, you’d struggle to fall asleep.

He shrugged, and sat down on his side of the bed. Looking over at you, he noticed that you was sleeping very deeply - more deeply than normal, and it wasn't hard to tell why.

He rolled over, got comfy, and lied down. He closed his eyes, and soon enough, he also fell into a deep sleep.

The same routine of fucking and swallowing sleeping pills made you different. Too different. You turned emotionless and cold. You were…not Y/N anymore.

One day, after another stuffy fucking, you both were laying in bed. Ayato sighed. "Well, it's been a long day, hasn't it? I need sleep. I don't suppose we should stay up too long tonight." His voice sounded a bit softer than before.

"Goodnight...my dear wife..." He put one of his arms around you, and hugged you tightly.

"I may not show it much, but I do care about you. You know that, don't you?" He paused, waiting for a response.

You stared into the ceiling, exhausted but restless. “…Sure.”

"Sure" He scoffed, clearly not buying it at all. His voice was colder than ever, and it was hard to recognize this as the same person who had just comforted you. "Sure."

He hugged you tightly, and lay his head down on the pillow. He took the blanket, and covered up both of you, before going to sleep once more. You could feel that he had grown colder and more distant than ever before - like he hadn't wanted you near him at all. He had grown colder and more aloof than ever before.

Ayato was sleeping deeply right beside you. He seemed to be peaceful, but despite what he said earlier, it was hard to tell whether he truly cared about you. He laid there next to you, breathing quietly, completely asleep.

Was he telling the truth, or was he lying?

Did he care about you, or did he hate having you near him?

You couldn't tell anymore at this point. And you didn’t care. You needed something else.

Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills.

Shit, you needed those pills.

You harshly stood up from the bed, not caring if you woke him up or not. You walk to the bedside table, where you took out the bottle of sleeping pills.

"What are you doing?"

Ayato seemed to notice you standing up, and he sat up in the bed. With a groan, he looked up at the clock, before looking back at you.

"Is something the matter, wife?"

He still wasn't showing any signs of affection, but his voice was a little softer now, and his attitude was a little less antagonistic.

“Nothing.” you said, holding the bottle behind you.

"Nothing?" Ayato frowned, and sat up in the bed fully. He looked over at you, raising an eyebrow. He was still wondering what you were doing, looking at you with a slight hint of suspicion.

"Sure," he said with a cold voice, and you could see a smirk on his face now. "You're lying about something. Tell me what the deal is." His tone became cold once more, and you could see that he was beginning to get annoyed.

“Show me the bottle.”

You froze. “What bottle?”

"What bottle?" He narrowed his eyes again, glaring at you. You could feel his anger and irritation building up. He had always been calm and cold, but this was the first time you had seen him genuinely angry. Even before, when he yelled at you, he still sounded calm and unemotional.

"Are you lying to me now? That bottle that you're clearly trying to hide behind your back...show it to me.”

“It’s not a big deal.” You shook your head.

"It isn't a big deal?" He frowned, and sounded a little pissed off.

"Well then, there isn't any reason not to show me, is there? He narrowed his eyes again.

"Show. Me. The. Bottle."

You realized that he wasn't really kidding anymore. If you still didn't show him, he might get even more pissed off. He had always been cold and unemotional, but now, you could really sense his anger.

"Are you seriously not going to show me?"

He stood up, and walked toward you as he reached out, and yanked the bottle from your hands.

"Was that so hard?

He looked at the bottle, and then gave you another angry look.

"I thought it wasn't a big deal? Since when have you been taking sleeping pills, Y/N?!”

“…3 months.”

He scoffed, angry and in disbelief. “How many? How many fucking pills do you take a day?”

You look up at him, before you roll your eyes. “3 before but now I take double.”

"You've been taking double the amount of pills lately?! Why are you doubling the amount?” He gripped the bottle angrily.

Why was he so upset anyway?

"Let me guess… 3pills wasn't enough, eh? And did you ever think that taking that many pills might not be beneficial in the long term?" He raised an eyebrow, and he was still watching you intently.

"I thought there wasn't any need for such drastic measures... But then again, you always enjoyed being dramatic when it came to things like these…”

“Stop it, it’s not like I’ll be addicted to them.” You say, scratching your head in irritation. “I can’t sleep, I need them.”

"Is that really the only reason why?" He sighed loudly, and then smiled darkly.

"You already know what I suspect. The real reason is because you enjoy that little feeling of high that those pills give you, isn't it? You love that little rush of euphoria.”

You laughed, having had enough of his bullshit. “I wish I could get high off of them. I wish I could feel a little bit happier taking them. But noooooo! I just fucking need them so I can have some shut eye before getting back to work!” You had snapped, just wanting to take the pills.

You snatch back the bottle, much to the dismay of Ayato. "Give. The bottle. Back." He said, reaching his hand out.

You really should have known better. You felt a harsh smack to your face. Your hand grasped your now red cheek. “What the hell, Ayato?!” You yelled.

"You deserved that. Don't think you could get away with harming yourself, while also refusing to let me help.”

His hands were shaking with rage. "Give me the pills."

Instead, you ripped the bottle open, popping a few pills in your mouth. You didn’t care anymore… You wanted sleep.

“Y/N! What the fuck!” He yelled, taking the bottle from you and throwing it on the floor. But it was too late, the pills were so strong that you were already seeing the world as a blur.

"You really don't care, do you? About yourself and your well being?" He sighed, and then gave up talking to you. He looked at you with the same angry and frustrated look, before he looked you up and down. "And of course you'd already be starting to feel the effects of that many pills so quickly."

Now, he was just talking to the oblivion. You plopped yourself in bed as you stared at the ceiling. "You really don't care, do you?"

He stared at you in annoyance. "If you died right now, then I doubt you'd even be sad...” He stopped, before standing next to you and looking at you with a more angry expression.

"Why do you just give up on yourself like that...just...why?"

“Because …I’m stupid…and pathetic.” You muttered, laying down on the bed as your eyesight turned foggy.

"No you're not. And I hate it when you say that about yourself." He was still looking at you as he sat down beside you.

"You know what it's called when you keep self-destructive thoughts like that? Self loathing, I do believe...and it's sad to see that you've come to this point. To think that you've given up like this..."

He was getting sick of saying the same things, anyways.

"You're hopeless...that's why I hate this side of you. And it's why I'm so mad at you all the time. I'm tired of your self-destructive behavior, and I'm also tired of this endless cycle that we're in. But I don't want to give up on you because I love you dearly... But I don’t wanna love a bitch who doesn’t even love herself.”

He sighed. "That's what makes this so hard..."

“Heh, maybe I am getting a high from those pills. I can hear you say bullshit.” you uttered, wondering if you were hearing things right.

"Ha...ha...you're not funny.”

He sounded annoyed. He really wanted you to take this more seriously. He didn't know what to do with you anymore...

That was when Ayato suddenly remembered something. Something that he could potentially use to convince you to lay off the sleeping pills.

"Or...there's another solution that we could use, if you really think that you need those sleeping pills to survive the night..."

You looked over at him for a moment…oh wait…oooohhh that’s what he meant. “Oh god, not this again, are you pent up or something?” You groaned.

When he heard that, he didn't know whether to feel amused or annoyed.

"You really think that I'm that desperate..."

He sighed, and sighed again. "I'm trying to help you here, Y/N.”

He looked at you, seemingly amused now - but he wasn't going to give up that easily.

"I guess you want to make this hard, don't you? ...and I thought you're the obedient wife who always follows her husband's orders..."

“I’m about to fall asleep so…if you wanna do *it* with your *sleeping* wife, then be my guest.” You scoffed.

Your eyes fluttered, and then they closed. You were completely unconscious now. Ayato watched you for a moment, and he seemed happy.

His lips curved up into a smile, and he gave you a sly wink.

"I'll make sure to enjoy this." He grinned…

He loomed over your sleeping body as his thoughts began to run wild. His fingers were fidgeting as he reached for the hem of your shirt. He didn’t hesitate but pull off of you.

The sight of you so vulnerable really turned him on. He leaned down, kissing and marking your neck with dark hickeys as he grinded his already hardening bulge on you. Why was he liking this? Doesn’t matter, he was too deep into it already.

He continued to grind into you, he didn’t need to pin you down but he still did, pushing your hands into the bed.

His desires soon took over him, ripping up your panties to expose your cunt. He was hungry, more than ever. He knew there was no way he you were going to wake up anyway, he could do anything.

As he continued kissing down your neck to your chest, suckling on one of your breasts, his hand were now wandering. His cock ached in against the fabric of his pants as he stroked his finger in your folds. Oh…? Y/N…you’re wet. This seemed to entice him, as he kissed lower and lower, until he reached…ah, there.

He licked his lips as his breath approached your pussy, he licked a stripe before coming down. Kissing, sucking, licking in between your folds. He was getting greedy and hungry for you. He pulled you by the legs as he continued to eat you out, resting your thighs on his shoulder. Once he was satisfied, he pulled away from you, a thread of saliva still connecting you before he licked his lips, dropping your legs back onto the bed.

Fuck, why was this turning him on so bad?

He was adoring the sight of you, running his hands all over your body. He pulled down his sweats as his cock sprung out, already leaking with precum. He used his knees to spread your legs open, excited and full of desire. Ayato continued to stare at your face as he spread your legs open with his knees, stroking his cock as he did so. He positioned himself perfectly before burying himself completely inside of you, letting out a moan at how tight you were. He stayed motionless first, giving you a few slaps on the face to make sure you were still asleep.

His pace started off slow, trying to indulge in the power he was feeling. But it was soon replaced by desire as he quickened his pace, the sheets rustling and the bed creaking.

“Ah, fuck, so good. Such a fucking bitch.” He moaned out, pushing your legs to your chest.

“Shit, shit, ah!~ Yes!~” His eyes rolling back in pleasure as he took advantage of your sleeping body. He should be guilty…but he wasn’t. He felt a knot forming on his abdomen as he continued to plow into you.

“Y/N..Oh, fuck, Y/N!~” He moaned out as he came undone inside of you, his hips jerking back and forth.

He took a few breaths, trying to breath in some air, but he soon flipped you over, slapping your ass even though he knew, he wasn’t gonna get a reaction from you.

He pushed your head onto the pillow as he helped prop you on your knees, positioning himself again to push into you.

“Agh…!~ Fuck!” He groaned in pleasure as he pushed his entire cock into you again. He begins to speed up, not wasting anytime as he pounded into you, holding you by your hips. “Mhmm, so good. You wanted this…you wanted this…”

He bucks his hips into you as he cums once again, his essence spilling out of you as a white ring forms around the base of his cock.

As he pulls out, your cunt dribbles out his seed, which entices him even more.

He feels himself getting hard again as he gets ready for another round.

Wow…Ayato..

You’re a fucking monster…

A few rounds later, the day was already coming closer to dawn, and he seemed completely exhausted. He was still lying on top of you, and he seemed to be completely exhausted after what he had done with you.

He gave you a sad smile, before leaning in and kissing you on the lips. It was a kiss that lasted for a long time...

...He really was a monster.

He picked up the bottle of sleeping pills from the floor and placed them on your bedside table, but then he leaned down again. He kissed you again, and then he whispered into your ears...

"Take better care of yourself, okay Y/N? He smiled, before resting his head against your chest and giving your neck a kiss.

"I'd hate to see you feeling so poorly." He closed his eyes, and he began to fall asleep...

When your alarm rang, you woke up to discover yourself fully naked. “…He really fucking did it.” you laughed.

"You really are a heavy sleeper..." Ayato yawned as he sat up. "Did you enjoy it?"

“Did you?” you ask, looking over at him, still surprised he actually did such a thing.

"Of course I enjoyed it, Y/N." He was grinning sadistically now.

"And if it gets you to stop taking those pills, then I'll do what I have to."

You were in disbelief, unsure on what to say. “So every time I take sleeping pills, you’ll just…do it?”

"Mhm. Every. Single. Time.” He was actually happy with that.

"Because I'm not letting you hurt yourself like this. You want to be like an addict? Then I'm just going to force you to be happy - even if it means going to those lengths myself."

You let out a few laughs, “…Did you like taking me while I was asleep?”

"Of course I did," He gave you a sly, almost creepy smile. "Did you like what I did to you?" His voice was definitely dripping with sarcasm, and he seemed rather amused by your question. He didn't even bother hiding that.

“I consented to it…but I didn’t expect you to do it, actually.”

"...Consent, huh?" That was really the only thing that Ayato cared about here. He needed to know that you were okay with it - otherwise, he couldn't enjoy it nearly as much. But it was enough for him...

"If I'm being honest?" He laughed at his own statement. "I'm having fun with this, to be honest. I'd do this again and again."

You couldn't help but be a little creeped out with what he was saying.

"And again..."

"...and again..."

Your hands trembled a little, but it soon calmed as you realized…what’s the point?

"Why? What makes it so enjoyable..?” You asked. Ayato paused for a moment, and he leaned closer to you.

"Because I can do what I want with you, when I want to, however I want to. And…”

“…God, it just fucking turns me on, Y/N.”

"I love it." He was speaking honestly. He was smiling darkly and he had a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. He was enjoying himself. “It's like you're a piece of property, and I can do whatever I want with it."

“Ayato…do you love me?”

What? Y/N, don’t ask that! What the hell are you doing?

His face turned cold and cruel in an instant.

"Love...you? Don't be ridiculous. What do you even know about love?” Suddenly, all of his friendliness disappeared. That same dark look was in his eyes, and he looked dangerous for a moment.

"You're not capable of loving anyone. All you can do is be selfish."

His words hit you all at once, and it hurt. Why did you have to ask that?

“So I’m…incapable of loving…is that it?” You stammered, looking up at him.

“Hm…yeah.” He let that set in for a moment, before he smiled.

"That's because you're too selfish to care for anyone…”

"Love means that you care for other people. Well, how can you do that when you hate yourself? You can’t even look at yourself without wanting to kill whatever you see in the mirror."

“So tell me, Y/N…”

"...why would I ever love you?"

His stare was dark, and you got the implication now - you weren't worthy of being loved by him. He said the words in a cold tone, and it felt like his eyes were full of evil as he stared at you.

"What have you ever done that's worthy of someone loving you?"

The words cut whatever was left of your fragile, unfeeling heart. “You’re not answering my question…”

He stared at you for a moment then. "...Why do you think you're entitled to an answer?"

He couldn't believe it. Did you just ask him if he loves you?! As if he'd ever love someone like you? As if he was obligated to answer such a question? You were so selfish and delusional. No wonder you were getting the treatment that you were.

You laughed, almost going crazy. Was it the pills? Yeah…yeah, it was the pills.

“No, you need to answer… I want to know. Because…I want to know whether or not it’s worth it to let you take advantage of me. To keep being your pleasure doll.” You stared up at him, almost desperate.

"…Of course I don't love you, dear wife." His voice sounded full of hatred as he said that. But, then again, it did sound like he almost enjoyed speaking those words.

"There. You've got your answer."

You’re stupid, Y/N. You could’ve just continued acting clueless. You shouldn’t have sought for an answer. Now you’re hurt. And it was all your fault…

“…Was it good? Did you feel such good pleasure?” You asked, talking about him taking you while you were asleep.

"Yes. It was fucking great." It was obvious that he was trying to taunt you.

"Did you enjoy it too?"

He wanted to hear you say the words.

"Be honest, dear wife. Tell me, now."

A scoff left your lips as you reached for the bottle, taking a few pills in your mouth. “Doesn’t matter.” you chuckled.

Ayato froze…Y/N, what are you doing? Ayato didn’t know what do you but pull on your shoulder. “What the..fuck? What do you think you’re doing?” He stammers, gripping your shoulder.

But he was only met with a kiss as your body was starting to feel the effects of the 6 pills you decided to take. There was no response initially, as he was left frozen at your behavior. He did not expect this kind of response at all. He had no idea what to do to make you stop.

That had caught him completely off guard, to be honest.

His eyes widened, as he realized what the pills had done to you.

"Oh...no..."

You only smiled. “I’ll…keep doing this…if you like it…”

Why is your smile so genuine? What are you doing?

"No...don't...you...dare... You, you're ...making me like it...” He whispered to himself, looking down at you. You were starting to wobble from drowsiness as he took you in his arms.

"Y/N, you're dangerous. I don’t think you know just how dangerous you are..."

There was a sudden sharpness in his voice. He was angry now, wasn't he?

"Please..." He was begging you, for a moment. "...stop taking those pills..."

You reach out to caress his cheek. “…You enjoy it..don’t you? …I want to make you happy…”

There was no denying it - he did enjoy it. He didn’t want to ever admit that to you anymore. "I-I did enjoy it...but..." He trailed off "But I don't know if it's good for you..."

"I...I should stop you..."

It was obvious he was reluctant to do so.

“It doesn’t matter what I feel… Just..do whatever. If all you want is my body…then…so be it…” You said, your eyes fighting off the sleep.

Ayato's cold eyes opened in shock, hearing what you said to him.

"Do whatever...if all I want is your body?"

He looked confused for a moment. Was that how you viewed him? As someone who only viewed you as a mere pleasure tool? There was so much more to you than that...to him...to everyone.

Ayato was upset to hear that come out of your mouth.

You laughed softly. “I love you, Ayato… and if I have to do this for you to stay…I will…” You sighed, slowly drifting to sleep.

"...don't do this for me." Ayato was shocked. Did you mean what you said? Those words hurt him greatly more than anything else she had said.

"You don't need to do anything to please me, you…bitch.” He tried putting on a brave and confident front, as he spoke in his usual calm and confident voice. "You're worth so much more than that." He was trying to reassure you, but there was a small break in his voice when he said those words. “What..the fuck, Y/N?”

Your body lays limply on his arms as you sleep, there was nothing he could do anymore.

"Oh, fuck..." Ayato's face was full of worry and sadness, as he watched you lying there. It was obvious that your words hurt him greatly, and he couldn't help but shake a little. Could he really let you do something like that to yourself? But his heart broke, as his fears about you becoming a mere tool were coming true.

Would he ever be able to get over this?

He didn't know what to do...

The next day, you woke up like nothing happened. You rushed to the door, putting on your shoes for work. Ayato was left stunned, as he watched you leave. You seemed to be just going about your day, as if nothing had happened. You didn't say anything about the conversation yesterday...you didn't say anything about taking the pills either.

It was as if you didn't remember anything that had happened.

"This is a side of you that I haven't seen before..."

"You really are dangerous...what am I going to do about this...?"

You get home at around 2am. It was a long day at work, and you had come home pretty late. Ayato was in the living room, sitting on the couch and reading a book.

He looked up when you came home, and his eyebrows rose into surprise.

"You're pretty late tonight."

He watched you put your coat and other belongings away, before he looked back down at his book and continued reading.

“Yeah, we had a bit of a celebration after the presentation.” You say. “I’m just gonna fix up the laundry then go to bed.” Your words were blank and plain as you walk to the laundry room.

"Ah." He nodded a little bit, seemingly a little disappointed.

He was hoping that you'd be more forthcoming, so he could talk to you about all of this... You were really frustrating him...and you weren't making it easy to figure out. At all. Suddenly, as if his frustrations reached their final point, Ayato snapped.

"Fine. That's okay. Just do your laundry, Y/N.” He had a mocking smile on his face as he said that. Geez, what’s up with him?

You look out from the laundry room and give him a look. “You okay?”

"Perfectly fine." He had a sinister expression on his face, as he was clearly lying to you. It was obvious that he wasn't fine. His voice was dripping with malice. "I'm not fine. Not at all. And you know why." His tone was dark. He sounded as if he was on the verge of exploding as his eyes glowed in rage.

“…Okay then. Should’ve just said so.” You uttered, walking up to him before pressing your lips on his.

Like usual. Like routine. Like always.

His eyes widened in shock, as if you were crazy. He had no words, as he was completely stunned by this. He didn't move a muscle afterwards, as he just stared at you. He couldn't believe you just did that, as if you still cared about him.

The fact that he didn't immediately kiss you back should tell you, though, how he felt at the moment. He was…confused.

You pull away, noticing how absent he was. “What? Am I doing something wrong? Is this not relieving your stress anymore? Should I take it up a notch?” You were genuinely confused, why was he acting like this?

He had no words, as he was simply trying to wrap his head around what you were saying. "Take it up a notch? How much more do you want than kissing...than..."

He trailed off and didn't continue the sentence. He looked shocked, clearly not expecting the direction of the conversation to take a turn like this.

“Are you not used to it by now? Whenever you’re feeling frustrated, you’d always want this.”

"Used to it? I...you..." He was at a complete loss for words this time. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "You just...just don't care at all, do you?" He chuckled, before stopping again and looking at you seriously.

“Huh? We made an agreement? That you’d release your pent-up frustration on me?” You were lost at this point, wondering if he had bumped his head or something.

He paused for a moment, as he recalled the agreement that he had made with you. You're right...you're right...he had agreed to it...

"I...still...it feels wrong..." He trailed off again, as he wasn't really sure how to react to what you were saying.

You laughed a little, “You’re saying that now? After you and I have been doing it for months now?”

He was silent for a moment, as if he didn't want to admit it.

He was a little ashamed, in fact. He seemed embarrassed that what you had said was true. Eventually, he spoke again.

"...I guess you're right. We've been doing it for months already. I guess it's a little too late to back out of it now."

He paused again for a moment, before he continued speaking.

"...Well...in that case..."

He reached out towards you, before he softly kissed you, which you accepted.

He kept kissing you, before slowly pulling away.

His voice was softer now. There...I, uh, guess I released my frustration out...heh..." He laughed a little bit, trying to lighten the mood. But he didn't want any more, it just felt…weird.

You felt…weird too. Were you doing something wrong? Did he not like you anymore? “What’s wrong? Am I doing something wrong? You’re not usually this…hesitant.”

"No. You're not doing anything wrong."

He paused again, as he didn't want to say it.

He took a moment to think of how he would say this next. Then, he continued speaking.

"I'm just...I just feel like I'm taking advantage of you, in a way." He sighed. "It's not normal, at all. No one would allow themselves to be treated like this in a marriage. But...you still love me...despite all that..."

“…who cares? I allowed you to, anyway.” You say.

"And you would let me...let me do that to you every time I'm feeling frustrated? I...but..."

"Why would you let me do that to you Ayato was actually a little shocked that this wasn't bothering you, since it was obviously a concern for him. "What do you get out of it?"

You didn’t hesitate, you knew your answer. “I get to spend time with you.”

Hearing you say that, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He was taking advantage of you, after all, and yet...you would still care for him... He stared at you, as his feelings were mixed.

"I...so you don't care that you're being used like this...? That you're treated like..." He trailed off again, as he remembered the agreement.

"…a tool?"

You only nodded as you let out a blank but genuine “Sure.”

Ayato was in disbelief. He couldn't understand why you would allow him to treat you like this, or why it didn't bother you. "What is going on in your head?" He couldn't understand it at all. “...why don't you care that you're being used like this?" He spoke in a quiet voice, as he looked at you with a look of confusion and worry on his face.

You smile as you say, “…Because I love you.“

He paused for a moment, as he thought about it, before he finally responded, with a soft nod. "Right. You're right..." He sighed, seeming a little worried.

"I'll keep doing this, then. I'll keep taking advantage of you without any regrets...because...you seem to be okay with it..." He says, hesitantly.

“You okay?” Your head tilts in confusion.

"I'm fine. I'm just...still a little in disbelief about this." He looked at you with some concern as he lets out a chuckle. “H-How do you not find this weird...or wrong...or off-putting?"

He paused again for a moment, before he continued speaking. "I...I can't understand why you're okay with this. It's as if you're a masochist...and no one's supposed to be that much of a masochist..."

You shrug, answering honestly. It was about time he found out anyway.

“I used to find it weird…had a few regrets. But..I just didn’t want you to go back to your affairs…if this is what will make you stay…then so be it. I don’t care how rough you get, I don’t care how much you hate me. I just want you to stay. Even if this was just an arranged marriage. “

His heart broke at hearing those words, as he finally understood where you were coming from.

"What the fuck, Y/N..." Tears formed in his eyes, as his voice let out a shaky chuckle.

"I'm so sorry..." He didn't bother hiding his emotions anymore, as tears began to fall from his eyes.

“Wah! Why’re you crying?! Are you okay?” You were surprised, you hold him by the shoulder as you look up at him, trying to meet his gaze.

“You’re the one who should be crying!” He shouted. "You're the one who's been mistreated this whole time...and I don't see any tears coming from you..."

He sighed, trying to dry his tears away.

"Why are you okay with this..." He spoke in a soft voice, as he looked at you with a look of concern. He still felt guilty, of course.

You rubbed his back, still confused about what was happening. “Because I love you, why should I cry?”

He was stunned. He was confused at your words. You...you didn't mind being used and mistreated by him...

"Why...? You deserve better than that. Than me..." He trailed off, as he looked down, not wanting to meet your eye.

“…I don’t deserve better.” You utter.

“You do!” Ayato yelled. “I’m a fucking asshole! I took advantage of you! I did shitty things! And here you are, clinging to me, when you deserve so much better!”

“Then be better, Ayato!” You yelled back.

He looked at you in surprise, before he let out a nervous chuckle.

"Be better? How do you think I should do that?"

He shook his head.

"I don't think I could ever be better...not after all the terrible things I've done to you..." Tears were starting to fall from his eyes again.

"...I don't deserve you..."

You shook him by the shoulders, “Then do better to deserve me! I want no one else but you!”

He freezes as he looked into your eyes, shocked. There was only complete silence, before he softly kisses you.

You didn’t know how to feel at that point, but you could sense that…he was genuine for once.

He pulled away from the kiss, his eyes still streaming with tears as he looked at you. “I... I'll try my best to be a better man...for your sake..." He was crying, as he wiped his eyes clean. He couldn't believe what was going on.

"I'll try my best to become deserving of you...and your love..."

You sighed, hugging him, your my head on his chest. “Don’t cry.”

He sniffed, before wiping his tears once more. He tried to calm himself down, before finally hugging you back.

"I'm so sorry..." He said, as he nuzzled his head into you. "I'm so sorry that you still love me...after all of that..."

“Shhh, it’s okay..it’s okay…” you utter, rubbing his back.

He sniffled, as he nuzzled your head even further. He tried to calm himself down, so he didn't cry anymore.

"Just know... that I will protect you…”

"…I will protect you with my life."

As he spoke, he hugged you tighter.

“…I’ll deserve you one day…so please wait for me…”

A few years had passed, you and Ayato are still married. Well…now happily married. You had finally managed to come to an understanding, as he treated you with love.

He still made use of you when he was feeling frustrated, as you had agreed to it long ago. But now you understood each other. You understood exactly what each other wanted, and you wanted to be there for each other.

Even your children were happy, as you gave them so much love and affection.

Children? Oh yes…your nights of fucking paid off with 3 beautiful children.

You were a great family.

One night, as were putting your children to bed, you were carrying your youngest baby in your arms, cradling and rocking her to sleep. Ayato was tucking your two other children in bed. He watched as you rocked your baby to sleep.

Your baby looked so happy now. You also seemed to be having fun.

He smiled at seeing the scene, as he thought to himself.

"This is what happiness looks like...my family is happy..." He was glad to see that your family was all happy together. It made him realize just how lucky he was.

“Stop staring, Ayato.” You called out, feeling his gaze. “You getting emotional, hun?” you teased as you laid your infant down on their crib.

He raised an eyebrow, still smirking.

"Emotional?” He chuckled. "Am I?" He chuckled again, as he reached out, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close.

"You're one to talk." He said, as he kissed you passionately, before finally breaking apart after a couple of seconds.

"I love you." He said with a smile, as he looked into your eyes, his own full of love and affection.

You smiled, “I love you, too.”

"Even though I've been using you all this time...you still love me? He looked deep into your eyes. He was so happy to hear that you loved him back. In fact, he thought maybe now was the right time... He leaned in for another kiss, as he spoke in a quiet voice. "Would you say...you'd do anything for me?”

You laughed “Yes, I would. Don’t tell me…you’re still thinking about our past, are you?”

He laughed to himself. How had you have known? "Well, I suppose I am, although I'm also thinking about our future..." He was silent, as he thought.

"You...you really would do anything for me? Just as you did back then...you're still willing to do that for me even now..." He paused for a moment, as he thought about what he would ask of you.

"You... you would marry me again... if I asked you to?"

You froze, looking up at him. “…What was that?”

"Did I stutter?"

He smirked.

"I'm...serious here..." He paused for a second.

"Would you...marry me again? Again, he paused for a moment. "After everything I've put you through..everything, and you'd still do it again..." He closed his eyes for a second, as he spoke softly. He couldn't imagine anything better than what he was about to ask for.

“I want to make this official. I don’t want to be married to you because our families want us to….”

“…This time, I want to marry you because I love you.”

"…So...will you...will you marry me?"

Well, Y/N? …Will you?