#SURPRISE i finished a chapter not on a weekend!
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Me when I wrote this post November 19 2023
I'm finishing up chapter 14 and the word count's almost quadrupled already
Anyway I'm thinking about chapter titles again and remembered this post. I've reordered/renamed a few of them so here we go, new chapters that weren't in the original series are bolded and ones I've already posted are italicized
How Narinder Takes His Tea
Crown
Ray
Not Quite Paradise
Daydreamer
How to Be a God For Dummies
The Apple Murder Case
Satisfying ASMR: Cat Purring to Help You Fall Asleep
A Friend and a Catnap
I'm Jelly Baby
Shine
Dice-Roll Observation
Until You Wake Up
Eclipse <- (New title for With You)
Ordinary Happiness is Not Enough
To the Endless Blue Sky
Coloring
Swear Not By the Moon <- (New title for Break)
Scars
Our Love Song
Based on the way I've set up how this fic is paced, I'm sticking with twenty chapters. I'm... actually kind of surprised and impressed with myself that I won't need to go over that.
Eclipse will likely be up this weekend, based on how much I got done today. I'll put the finishing touches on the chapter draft tomorrow, if I can even wait that long!
The Risen/Fallen chapter lineup so far...
Inspiration hit me like a fucking truck today, so I might have Chapter 2 up tomorrow or the next day, much more quickly than I anticipated for a brand-new chapter!
Anyway, my plotting document for this series revival is an absolute monster right now. I'll share the current list of chapters I have planned out. New chapters with new content are bolded.
How Narinder Takes His Tea (posted on Tuesday)
Crown
Ray
Not Quite Paradise
Daydreamer
How to Be a God For Dummies
The Apple Murder Case
Satisfying ASMR: Cat Purring to Help You Fall Asleep
A Friend and a Catnap
I'm Jelly Baby
Shine
Ordinary Happiness Is Not Enough
Dice-Roll Observation
Until You Wake Up
With You
To the Endless Blue Sky
Coloring
Break
Scars
Our Love Song
I'm pretty sure I'll keep it to twenty, but with a plethora of details/character interactions/a couple subplots I want to add, we'll see. Once I have a chapter posted, how quickly I post the next chapter will heavily depend on whether or not it's a rewrite of a chapter I wrote for the first publication of this series. Newer chapters will obviously take more time. Though there's much more I want to add to existing chapters, the rewritten ones will probably come out more quickly.
#hannah's rambles#I AM LOSING ITTTTTTTTT#also me when I include shakespeare references. i am so fucking deep in my own fic obsession I am unsalvageable .
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Chapters: 12/? Fandom: The Sandman (TV 2022) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Hob Gadling, Dream of the Endless/Hob Gadling Characters: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, Hob Gadling, Roderick Burgess, Lucien | Lucienne (The Sandman), Jessamy the Raven, Ruthven Sykes Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hob Gadling Saves Dream of the Endless | Morpheus from Roderick Burgess, The Inevitable Rescue Fic, Dream of the Endless | Morpheus Loves Hob Gadling, Hob Gadling Loves Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, BAMF Hob Gadling, Explicit Sexual Content, Rough Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Non-Linear Narrative, Flashbacks, Murder Husbands, Secret Marriage, Dream of the Endless | Morpheus is Bad at Feelings, Mutual Pining, The Love Is Requited They're Just Idiots
#the sandman#the sandman ff#dreamling#dreamling ff#dreamhob#of my misery make thy use#the inevitable rescue fic#SURPRISE i finished a chapter not on a weekend!#may have uh snuck some writing time during work hours but shhh#also i am miserably behind on comment replies on AO3 and have pretty much given up at this point#but please know that i love you and you delight me etc#anyway enjoy#ahem
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Me last month: hm if I had to guess I’d say each chapter of this rockstar Lestat/photographer Louis fic should be around 5k…
Me today: okay so if I focus and believe in myself I should be able to keep chapter one under the 15k mark…
#pls pretend to be surprised i am begging#anyway i swear i'm not being a tease on purpose this chapter is coming before the end of the month i promiseeeee#i've been so busy filling orders for my shop this week but i'm taking tomorrow afternoon off and i am WRITING#i'm hoping to finish the draft by the end of this weekend KEEP CROSSING YOUR FINGERS FOR ME#anyway i'm gonna stop talking out loud to myself on multiple social media platforms and get back to work 💀#interview with the vampire#loustat#otp: all my love belongs to you
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oh I finished it.
still needs editing and will trickle out the last two chapters over the next few days but Some Sunny Day is finished.
#wren rambles#some sunny day#i FINISHED IT 😭#SO surprised I didn't cry writing those last two chapters hoboy#i feel like there was maybe a lot of blatant projection goin' on but whatever#it was CATHARSIS#now i gotta write the fiddleford and co mess up some robots story#and then maybe turn my attention to the other longform story i have been Mulling Over#i did wanna finish the bulk of the writing today because i'm not sur ehow much time i'll have to sit down and write#before i'm out of town over the weekend#and i dont wanna make you guys wait almsot a week to get like. the last chapter
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:')
#progress updates#I wanted to keep this a surprise until I was done done#but I'm dying here keeping my mouth shut#so I decided to wait until the full draft was finished#and now it is <3#nebulous was dethroned - new second longest chapter coming this weekend or early next week :)
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i need to be able to project my thoughts onto a word document so i can write and cross stitch at the same time
#science get on this#rita rambles#ugh#writing#i have a cs project i want to start this weekend but i also have a bunch of ideas i want to work on#i need to finish the 2nd chapter of my tddk bb fic (or continue either of the previous 2 🤦♀️)#i need to work on the next chapter of my steddie fic#i just started a stobin/robin fic im really excited abt but have no direction for currently#i have renewed interest/inspiration for my gay vampire romances original stories#and a july kink prompt list i was gonna write some drabbles for#im booked#wtf#my mom is taking my car tomorrow bc her brakes are bad so i cant leave the house so that should make me productive in SOME way#but u would be surprised#how easily i can get sidetracked from literally any of these ideas or my crafts 😪
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Full Throttle (ii)
pairing: ferrari driver!yoon jeonghan x journalist!reader chapter wc: 16.7K (dont look at me)genre: humor, fluff, angst, smut (?) au: f1 au (i am sorry i am a nerd abt this) rating: m (MINORS DNI)warnings: SLOW BURNNN. mentions of injuries, car crashes // unprotected sex (WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT), some nipple-play, vaguely (?) rough (?) sex, begging
PREQUELS: would highly recommend reading On the Record and Off the Record to gain some context into the relationship! This fic starts directly after the end of Off the Record
a/n: ok pt 2 here we gooooo! to kae @ylangelegy , who hasn't read the ending of this because they wanted to be surprised. i love you, im sorry, i love you // to alta @haologram , who hyped me up so much and made me feel so much better about my writing // thank you to lola @monamipencil and haneul @chanranghaeys for beta-reading! // and finally, an ENORMOUS thank you to jupiter @cheolism for the banner!
read part 1 here.
FORMULA 1 PIRELLI GRAN PREMIO D’ITALIA 2024 Track: Autodromo Nazionale Monza
Monza, the Temple of Speed. The track that had seen countless legends, where every tire mark told a story of glory and heartache. The crowd—the tifosi—roared like a living entity, their chants filling the air, demanding greatness from Ferrari’s finest. It wasn’t just a race here, it was a pilgrimage. The heat of Italy in late summer mixed with the electric atmosphere of a home Grand Prix, and Jeonghan could feel it all—the energy, the expectation, the weight of a thousand eyes on him.
The Autodromo Nazionale Monza was a track built on speed, but more than that, it was a track built on history. The sweeping curves, the long straights, the iconic Parabolica that would make or break a driver—it was a place where only the brave thrived, and only the strongest survived. Jeonghan knew the stakes: it wasn’t enough to be fast, not when you were wearing Ferrari red. He had to win, not just for himself, but for the tifosi, who saw him as their golden boy. He had to deliver.
As the weekend progressed, he couldn’t escape the growing weight on his shoulders. His performance was scrutinized with every passing second. In the pits, the team’s eyes were on him, hoping for that perfect lap. The techs, the engineers, the strategists—all working in harmony, hoping that Jeonghan would be the one to pull them across the finish line, but in the back of his mind, Jeonghan kept hearing the unspoken truth: nothing less than pole would suffice. Anything less was a failure.
He felt his pulse quicken as the qualifying session wore on, his concentration laser-sharp, every move calculated. But the tire strategy wasn’t perfect, and as the final moments ticked down, the truth settled over him like a cloud of doom. He was not going to make Q3. Neither was Soonyoung. The agony of it slammed into him like a punch to the gut.
The Ferrari garage was quiet, save for the hum of the engines being powered down. Soonyoung clapped him on the shoulder, a small gesture, but Jeonghan could see the frustration in his eyes, the mirror of his own defeat. The disappointment felt like a heavy weight on Jeonghan’s chest, suffocating, and he couldn’t shake it off. He couldn’t even look at the team, let alone the tifosi waiting outside.
The mood around the paddock was tense as Jeonghan left the garage, still in his race suit. The world felt unreal, as though it were in slow motion. He couldn’t escape it. The tifosi would be waiting to cheer their heroes, but today, he hadn’t been the hero they wanted. He was just another failure in a sea of victories that had come before him. He needed to escape it, to clear his mind.
It was then, as he walked toward his motorhome, that he felt it—a small, electric connection. Your hand brushed against his.
He froze.
Your presence was like a balm, soothing the sharp sting of defeat, but it also distracted him. The familiar, intoxicating scent of your shampoo, something floral and faintly sweet, hit him like a memory, and his heart skipped a beat. That scent, mixed with the lingering tension of the day, flooded his senses. He couldn’t look at you, couldn’t form words. All he could think about was that fleeting moment—so close—and the ridiculous notion that he had never noticed how desperately he wanted to be closer to you.
You didn’t stop walking either, your movements fluid, confident. But he couldn’t help the way his eyes followed you, the way the tension built with every step.
Without a word, you both continued on, the space between you shrinking until you finally spoke. Your voice was soft, but there was an edge to it, something that told him you understood more than he let on.
“Tough luck out there,” you said, a hint of sympathy in your tone.
The words were simple, but they hit harder than he expected. His chest tightened as he swallowed. “It’s... whatever,” he muttered, trying to brush it off. He didn’t have the energy to care.
You glanced at his fist, clenched so tightly it was almost painful to watch. “Doesn’t seem like ‘whatever’ to me,” you countered, raising an eyebrow, your words cutting through the fog in his mind.
He let out a small, mirthless chuckle. “I’ll be fine,” he said, his voice more convincing than he felt. But even as he said it, he knew. He wouldn’t be fine—not until he had redeemed himself, not until he could prove to the world that he was still Ferrari’s shining star. He had to be.
But for now, there was a fleeting connection between the two of you, and it was the only thing that made his heart skip, even if just for a moment.
The race was an uphill battle from the start, as expected. Jeonghan’s starting position was far from ideal, and the track ahead was a maze of cars, each one blocking his path, each one a reminder of the high stakes. The pressure weighed on him heavily, like an invisible force that squeezed the air from his lungs. It wasn’t just about the race, it was about redemption. The tifosi—his tifosi—filled his mind with a deafening chant, a roar of expectation, as if they were willing victory into existence. The weight of their adoration and their demand for perfection followed him, a constant reminder of the legacy he carried.
But Jeonghan had never been one to back down. The track felt like an extension of himself, the tires gripping, the engine vibrating beneath him, urging him to push. Even with traffic clogging his way, he found openings. He fought for every inch of track, his movements sharp, instinctive, like a surgeon making precise cuts. Overtaking felt almost effortless—his car slipping through gaps with the grace of a dancer. He was fluid, controlled, never losing sight of the goal.
As the laps unfolded, his nerves sharpened, but so did his focus. The aggressive strategy that had been laid out for him was beginning to pay off. He was making up ground, inching forward, climbing the ladder of positions one battle at a time. The thought of the tifosi cheering, of their voices blending into one thunderous symphony, drove him. They believed in him. He had to deliver. His mind cleared. He no longer heard the roaring crowds, the whirling thoughts of doubt. All that mattered was the track, the tires, and the roar of the engine beneath him. The conditions became his advantage—he thrived in this chaos.
Through the speed-trap corners, Jeonghan carved his way through the field. The world outside the cockpit blurred into a haze, his focus narrowing into sharp precision. He saw every gap, every opportunity, and he seized them without hesitation. The rain had turned the race into a dance of risk and control, and Jeonghan was leading the waltz.
Crossing the finish line first, Jeonghan allowed himself a single moment of release. The victory wasn’t just for him—it was for Ferrari, for the tifosi, for everything that had been building in his chest since the first day he’d strapped into the car. He had done it. He had delivered.
The roar of the crowd felt like an affirmation of his own heart, beating in time with the cheers of thousands. In that moment, the weight lifted off him, replaced by an overwhelming surge of satisfaction and relief. He had proven himself once again, and it was more sweet than any victory lap could ever capture. The tifosi were wild, their cheers ringing through the air, a thunderous confirmation of what Jeonghan had already known in his heart: this was his race. This was his victory.
After the podium celebrations, the champagne-soaked cheers, and the endless barrage of media questions, Jeonghan finally managed to steal a moment of solitude. His body was spent, muscles aching, his throat raw from the adrenaline-fueled roar that had escaped him as he crossed the finish line. And yet, his mind wasn’t on the race anymore. Not on the points, not on the tifosi.
It was on you.
The fleeting brush of your hand earlier lingered like a phantom touch, a warmth that refused to fade even as the hours passed. The memory of your scent—the subtle floral notes of your shampoo—clung to him, more grounding than the overwhelming chaos of the Monza circuit.
He walked toward his motorhome, each step feeling heavier now that the adrenaline had begun to wane. The din of the paddock was fading, replaced by the rhythmic thud of his heartbeat in his ears. The glow of the overhead lights cast long shadows, and as he turned the corner, there you were. Waiting for him. Leaning casually against the side of his motorhome, your arms crossed and a knowing smirk dancing on your lips. His footsteps slowed as his eyes locked onto yours, the soft gleam of your smile both a challenge and an invitation.
“You’re late,” you teased, tilting your head in mock disapproval.
Jeonghan huffed a laugh, shaking his head as he approached. “Didn’t realize I was on a schedule.”
“You’re always on a schedule,” you shot back, your tone light but your gaze sharp. “Besides, I thought you’d be faster off track too.”
His smirk deepened as he stopped in front of you, close enough that the scent of champagne and adrenaline clung to him. “Big words for someone who’s hanging around my motorhome.”
“Big win for someone who barely made it out of Q2,” you quipped, the corner of your mouth twitching upward.
Jeonghan’s chuckle was low, almost indulgent. “Touché.”
There was a moment of silence, the din of the paddock fading into a distant hum. His eyes traced your face, noting the way your lashes cast faint shadows on your cheekbones, the way you seemed perfectly at ease under his scrutiny. That unnerved him more than he cared to admit. You’d always been too good at staying cool, keeping him on edge.
“So,” he finally said, leaning casually against the doorframe, “where’s your article? Shouldn’t it be out by now?”
You raised an eyebrow, feigning surprise. “Oh, you think I’m done? I’m holding out for an exclusive.”
Jeonghan’s grin widened, his ego soaking up your words. “An exclusive? From the tifosi’s god?”
Your laugh was soft, teasing, and it sent a warmth through his chest that rivaled the rush of the race. “Your words, not mine.”
“You want a headline that bad?” His voice dropped, his tone dipping into something darker, something that made the air between you shift.
“Maybe,” you replied, your voice steady despite the way he was looking at you now—like he was ready to devour you whole. “But you’d have to give me something worth writing about.”
It was playful, the banter you always shared, but there was something crackling beneath the surface tonight, an electricity neither of you could ignore. Jeonghan stepped closer, his presence swallowing the space between you. You shifted back instinctively, your spine meeting the cool surface of the motorhome door.
“You always have something to say, don’t you?” he murmured, his voice low, intimate.
“Someone has to keep you grounded,” you shot back, though your voice wavered slightly as his hand braced against the door beside your head, caging you in. His other hand hovered near your hip, close enough to make you hyper-aware of the heat radiating off him.
“Grounded?” he repeated, his lips curling into a slow, predatory smile. “You’re doing a great job of that.”
Your heart was pounding now, the proximity, the tension—it was overwhelming. “Jeonghan,” you started, your voice quieter, more measured, “this… this isn’t professional.”
“Fuck being professional,” he said, the words slipping out like a confession. Before you could respond, his fingers tilted your jaw, firm but not rough, guiding you to look up at him.
And then his lips were on yours, capturing them in a kiss that was as fierce as it was unrelenting. It wasn’t sweet or tentative—it was raw, all the tension and frustration that had built up between you spilling over in a single, consuming moment. His hand slid to the nape of your neck, anchoring you to him as if he was afraid you might pull away.
But you didn’t. You kissed him back with equal fervor, your hands finding the front of his race suit, clutching the material as if to steady yourself. The world around you blurred into nothing; there was only the warmth of his mouth, the taste of him, the way he kissed like he was claiming something he’d wanted for far too long.
Jeonghan’s breath hitched as he pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes searching yours for something—confirmation, permission, anything. Whatever he found made him grin, wicked and hungry. Without a word, he reached for the door handle, pushing it open with a sharp motion. The door swung wide, and then his hands were on you again, pulling you inside.
The door clicked shut behind you, plunging you both into the dim interior of the motorhome. Jeonghan's hands were everywhere at once, tracing the curve of your waist, sliding up your back, tangling in your hair. His lips found yours again, more urgent this time, as if he couldn't bear to be separated from you for even a moment.
You stumbled backward, your legs hitting the edge of the small couch. Jeonghan followed, never breaking contact, until you were lying beneath him, the leather cool against your heated skin. His weight pressed you down, a delicious pressure that made your head spin.
"God, I've wanted this for so long," he breathed against your neck, his words punctuated by hot, open-mouthed kisses that trailed down to your collarbone.
You arched into him, your hands fumbling with the zipper of his race suit. Your fingers trembled slightly as you tugged it down and yanked off his fireproofs, revealing more of his sweat-slicked skin. Jeonghan groaned against your throat as your hands slipped inside, exploring the taut muscles of his chest and abdomen.
"How long?" you managed to ask between ragged breaths, curiosity mingling with desire.
Jeonghan lifted his head, his eyes dark and intense as they locked onto yours. "Since the first time you interviewed me," he admitted, his voice low and husky. "The way you challenged me, saw right through my bullshit... I knew I was in trouble."
The confession sent a thrill through you, and you pulled him down for another searing kiss. Your tongues danced as his hands roamed your body, pushing up your shirt to caress the soft skin beneath. You gasped into his mouth as his thumb brushed the underside of your breast.
Your fingers curled into his hair, tugging gently as you deepened the kiss. Jeonghan groaned, the sound vibrating through his chest and into yours. His hand slid lower, tracing the curve of your hip before gripping your thigh, hitching it up around his waist.
“So what you’re saying,” you whispered, grinding your clothed cunt against him. “Is that you’ve been obsessed with me as long as I have with you.”
He drops his head and groans, hot and heavy, against your throat. “You’re telling me we could have been doing this for three years?”
You pull him back to your lips by his hair, relishing the way he hisses at your touch. “If only you’d put your money where your mouth is, pretty boy.”
At that, he props himself up above you, grinning like the cat that got the canary. “I knew you called me pretty in Japan!”
You desperately claw at his shoulders in an attempt to bring his mouth back to yours. After three years of cat and mouse, you do believe you’re entitled to it. “Jeonghan, I swear to everything that is holy-”
“Say it.” His necklace hangs in front of you, glinting in the dim light of the motorhome. You have half a mind to crane your neck and take it with your teeth. But instead, you choose to stare up at him in mock confusion, fingers dancing at the nape of his neck.
“Say what?”
His answering laugh mocks you a little, and he leans down to gently bite your earlobe. When he speaks, it’s low and deep. “Say I’m pretty. I know you think it when you’re drunk.”
You shiver at the sensation of his teeth grazing your ear, heat pooling in your core. His words make you flush, remembering all the times you'd drunkenly gushed about him to your friends. You'd always been careful to keep things professional in person, but apparently some of your true feelings had slipped out.
"And how would you know what I think when I'm drunk?" you challenge, trying to regain some control.
Jeonghan chuckles, the sound vibrating against your skin. "You're not the only one with sources in the paddock, sweetheart."
The pet name sends another thrill through you. You decide to give him what he wants, if only to move things along. "Fine," you breathe, trailing your fingers down his chest. "You're pretty, Jeonghan. Gorgeous, actually. Happy now?"
His grin is triumphant as he captures your lips again, the kiss deep and consuming. "Ecstatic, darling," he murmurs against your mouth.
Your hands roam his body, tracing the lean muscles of his back, feeling them flex under your touch. Jeonghan's fingers dance along your sides, leaving trails of fire in their wake. He breaks the kiss to nip at your jaw, then your neck, drawing a soft moan from your lips.
"You know," he says between kisses, his voice low and husky, "I've imagined this so many times. On the couch in the media room, in the garage, during those long interviews..."
You gasp as he finds a particularly sensitive spot on your neck. "Is that why you always fidget so much during our talks?"
He chuckles against your skin. "Guilty as charged."
Your hands find the waistband of his fireproofs, , but as one hand curls around your jaw, the other stops you.
“You first,” he breathes, sitting back on his knees to gently urge you out of your shirt.
You lift your arms, allowing him to peel your shirt off slowly, his eyes drinking in every inch of newly exposed skin. The cool air of the motorhome raises goosebumps on your flesh, but Jeonghan's heated gaze makes you feel like you're burning up.
"Beautiful," he murmurs, his fingers tracing the lace edge of your bra. "Even better than I imagined."
You reach up to pull him back down to you, craving the warmth of his body against yours. As your lips meet again, his hands roam your sides, mapping out every curve and dip. You arch into his touch, desperate for more.
His hands brush over your clothed nipple, and you inhale sharply. The sound makes Jeonghan raise his head, a faint smirk dancing across his lips. “Sensitive, are we?” He coos, hands drawing shapes against the swell of your breasts until goosebumps erupt on your flesh.
Your breath hitches as his fingers tease you though the thin fabric of your bra. “Jeonghan,” you breathe, half-warning, half-plea.
His smirk widens as he lowers his head, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your collarbone. "Yes, sweetheart?" He murmurs against your skin. His lips trail lower, ghosting over the lacework.
You arch your back, silently begging for more. Jeonghan obliges, his tongue darting out to trace the lace edge of your bra. Your hands find his hair, fingers tangling in the soft strands as you hold him close.
With deft fingers, he reaches behind you to unclasp your bra. You lift slightly, allowing him to slide it off. His eyes darken as he takes you in. You moan wantonly, arching your back in an effort to touch you - somewhere, anywhere.
“Jeonghan, please-”
A singular finger traces the curve of your waist up to your collarbone. He hums as you squirm. “Look at you,” he murmurs. You shriek as he pinches your waist. “You act so big in the paddock, and here you are, begging for me to touch you.”
It enrages you a little, how easily he takes you apart. Hell, he’s barely even touched you and you’re already rubbing your thighs together, desperate for any amount of friction.
"Jeonghan, please," you gasp, not even sure what you're begging for. More? Less? Everything?
He lifts his head, his eyes meeting yours. The intensity in his gaze makes your breath catch. "Tell me what you want," he says, his voice low and commanding.
You swallow hard, and the heat pooling between your legs feels hot enough to burn. “Y-your-”
“My what, baby?” His words are punctuated by hot, open mouthed kisses against your collarbones. He pointedly ignores your nipples, a thought that makes you whine. “Speak up.”
“Your mouth, Jeonghan,” you finally get out, hissing when his teeth find purchase on the skin of your neck.
“Yeah? Where, baby?” His hands fit themselves against the curve of your waist. “Here?”
“N-no,” you hate it, the way Jeonghan turns you into a whimpering mess. You shiver as his hands trail up your body.
“Hm…how about…here?” His thumbs brush against the underside of your breast again, and you arch your back, desperate and aching for him.
“Higher,” you breathe, mesmerized by the way his fingers dance up your body, by the way his eyes never leave yours.
“Here, baby?” His fingers tweak an already-hard nipple, and you gasp.
“Yes, please-”
“Say I’m a good driver, sweetheart, and I’ll give you what you want.”
Your eyes snap open, narrowing at him in disbelief. Even now, with you half-naked and writhing beneath him, he can't help but tease. "You're kidding, right?"
Jeonghan's grin is wicked, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Not at all. Come on, darling. Just a few little words."
You bite your lip, torn between your pride and your desperate need for his touch. His thumb circles your nipple lazily, sending jolts of pleasure through you. Finally, you cave. "Fine," you breathe. "You're a good driver, Jeonghan. The best, even. Now please—"
Before you can finish, his mouth is on your breast, hot and wet. You cry out, arching into him as his tongue swirls around your nipple. His hand kneads your other breast, fingers teasing your other nipple.
Your fingers tangle in his hair, holding him close as he lavishes attention on your breasts. Jeonghan's tongue and teeth work in tandem, drawing gasps and moans from your lips. The sensations are overwhelming, each touch sending sparks of pleasure through your body.
"God, Jeonghan," you breathe, your head falling back against the couch cushions.
He hums against your skin, the vibration sending another shiver through you. His free hand trails down your stomach, fingers dancing along the waistband of your pants. You lift your hips instinctively, silently begging for more.
Jeonghan lifts his head, his eyes dark with desire as they meet yours. "Tell me you want this," he says, his voice husky and low. "I need to hear you say it."
You nod frantically, your breath coming in short gasps. "Yes," you breathe, your voice filled with need. "I want this. I want you, Jeonghan."
His eyes darken further at your words, a low growl escaping his throat. In one swift motion, he unbuttons your pants and slides them down your legs, taking your underwear with them. You kick them off eagerly, now fully bare beneath him.
Jeonghan's gaze rakes over your body, hungry and appreciative. "Beautiful," he murmurs, his hands skimming up your thighs. "So fucking beautiful."
You reach for him, tugging at the fireproofs still clinging to his hips. "Your turn," you say, your voice breathy with anticipation.
He grins, standing to shuck off the rest of his clothes. Your eyes widen as he reveals himself fully, drinking in the sight of his toned body. Jeonghan's grin widened as he caught you staring. "Like what you see?" he teased, his voice low and husky.
You nod, unable to form words as your eyes roam his body. The lean muscles of his abdomen, the sharp cut of his hipbones, the impressive length of his cock standing proud against his stomach - it was all even better than you'd imagined.
He chuckles, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. "Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?"
That snapped you out of your daze. "Shut up and get back here," you growl, reaching for him.
Jeonghan obliges, lowering himself back onto the couch and covering your body with his. You gasp at the feeling of skin on skin, the heat of his body against yours. His lips find yours in a searing kiss as his hands explore every curve and dip of your body. When his fingers finally brush against your core, you gasp into his mouth, your hips bucking involuntarily.
“So wet,” he murmurs against your lips. “All for me?”
"Yes," you breathe, your hips rolling against his hand. "All for you."
Jeonghan's fingers explore your folds, teasing and mapping out every sensitive spot. When he finally slides a finger inside you, you moan loudly, your back arching off the couch. He sets a slow, torturous pace, curling his finger just right to hit that spot inside you that makes you see stars.
"More," you gasp, your hands clutching at his shoulders. "Please, Jeonghan."
He obliges, adding a second finger and increasing his pace. His thumb finds your clit, circling it in tight, precise movements that have you writhing beneath him. You can feel the tension building in your core, a coiling heat that threatens to consume you. Your hands scramble for purchase against his shoulders – you’re too drunk on lust to recognize if you’re pushing him away because it’s too much or pulling him closer because it’s not nearly enough.
"That's it, baby," Jeonghan murmurs, his voice low and encouraging. "Let go for me.”
His words push you over the edge, and you come with a cry, your body arching off the couch as waves of pleasure wash over you. Jeonghan works you through it, his fingers never stopping their relentless rhythm until you're trembling and oversensitive.
As you come down from your high, Jeonghan peppers soft kisses along your jaw and neck. "Beautiful," he murmurs against your skin. "You're so beautiful when you let go."
You're still catching your breath when you feel the hard length of him pressing against your thigh. Your hand snakes between your bodies, wrapping around his cock. Jeonghan hisses at the contact, his hips jerking involuntarily.
"Fuck," he groans, his forehead resting against yours. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this."
"Show me," you breathe, thumb brushing over the tip of his pre-cum slick cock. You relish the way he shudders against you. “Show me everything you imagined, pretty boy.”
He preens a little at your teasing words, arms shaking with the exertion of keeping himself above you. “Yeah?” he purrs, hips bucking to the tempo of your hand. “You wanna see, sweetheart?”
You barely have the time to nod before he’s sweeping his arms under your thighs and sitting back against the couch, setting you on top of him. Your wet heat is inches from his weeping cock, and you give him an experimental roll of your hips. The friction is delicious, and you bite your lips at the way his head rolls back.
You take advantage of his position and press hot kisses against his neck as he squirms below you.
“This is what you wanted, baby?” you whisper against his ear, biting gently. He shudders, one arm circling your waist and the other finding purchase in your hair. “You wanted me on top? Me in control?”
He laughs breathlessly at that, hips grinding against yours with such fervour that you almost succumb right then and there. “You might be on top, sweetheart,” he hisses as you position yourself above him, one hand circling his length. “But I’m the one in char-”
He cuts himself off with a strangled moan as you sink down until your hips are flush to his. “Hmmm?” You hum sweetly against his throat, exhaling at the sheer size of him inside you. “What was that?”
“Fuck,” he groans, throwing his head back against the couch as his hands trail down to rest on the curve of your ass. “Move, please, sweetheart.”
“Tell me how much you love my writing.” The words leave you in a rush, the sight of him panting for you almost too heady to ignore. You hadn’t planned on teasing him, but his earlier words had lit a fire in your core that would only be doused once you flipped the script on him.
His head is still on the back of the couch as he barks out a laugh. “You’re a fucking menace,” he murmurs, pinching your waist. “Now, move.”
“No.” It takes every bone in your body to stay absolutely still. You can feel him, thick and throbbing, and the thought of it makes you almost forgo this insanity to ride him into oblivion.
His eyes meet yours, and he raises his eyebrows in mock outrage. “Are you serious?” He punctuates his words by dragging a hand down your body, fingers finding your clit and pressing until you jerk away from him. It’s a futile attempt though, because his other hand is still fisted in your hair, and he uses it as leverage to hold you against him, powerless against his ministrations.
With a shaking hand, your press against his wrist until his fingers stop moving in circles around your clit. “C-come on,” you tease breathlessly, using your other hand to thread through his sweat-soaked hair and yanking until he bares his throat to you with a groan. “Play nice, pretty boy. Tell me how much you love my writing.”
He groans again as you lick a stripe up his throat, the hand in your hair loosening as his resolve weakens. “Y-you don’t play fair,” he moans, legs shaking with the exertion of keeping still, of playing your little game of cat and mouse.
“Neither do you,” you whisper, your words paired with a tweak to his nipple that has him gasping and arching his back.
“Fuck!” He cries out, curling forward until his chin rests against your ribs and he’s staring up at you. “Y-your writing is perfect.”
He’s rewarded with another gentle tug on his hair and a firm, “keep going.”
“S-so perfect and wonderful, I – fuck, baby please – read every word th-three times,” he’s almost whimpering now, looking up at you with so much desire that you decide it’s time to reward him for being so pliant, so good for you. “You-you’re the best writer in the whole paddock, fuck, yes, thank yo-”
You decide to put him out of his misery, preening at his praise, you start with an experimental grind against his hips, and watch with glee as he almost melts back against the couch. You decide to take advantage of the situation for a little while longer, rocking your hips faster as his lips find your nipple.
“Who’s in charge?” you coo, fingers gripping his hair a little tighter. He draws back to give you a quick smirk. They don’t call him the fastest on the grid for nothing – one second, you feel like you’re in complete control, and the next, he’s lifting you off of him with surprising ease. Your chest meets the couch before you can even form a single thought, and Jeonghan gathers up your wrists in one of his hands.
“You really thought,” he hisses as he re-enters your aching pussy. “You were in charge, sweetheart?”
The new angle allows him to sink even deeper inside you, drawing a low moan from your lips.
"You were saying?" he purrs, chest pressed against your back, his breath hot on your neck as he sets a punishing pace. Each thrust drives the air from your lungs, leaving you gasping and whimpering beneath him.
"You thought you could tease me like that and get away with it?" he groans, his free hand gripping your hip tightly. "Thought you could make me beg?"
You can only moan in response, overwhelmed by the sensation of him pounding into you relentlessly. The couch creaks beneath you dangerously.
"Answer me," Jeonghan demands, slowing his pace torturously.
"J-Jeonghan," you manage to stammer, your voice muffled against the cushions.
He leans over you, his chest pressed against your back as he whispers in your ear. "What was that, sweetheart? I couldn't quite hear you."
You turn your head, meeting his intense gaze over your shoulder. "Please," you whimper.
“Please what?” He demands.
"Please," you gasp, struggling to form coherent thoughts as Jeonghan's hips continue their torturously slow pace. "Please, I need more."
His low chuckle sends shivers down your spine. "More what, baby? Use your words. You’re so good with words, aren’t you?"
You whine in frustration, trying to push back against him, seeking the friction you desperately crave. But his grip on your hip is firm, holding you in place.
"Fuck me," you finally manage to choke out. "Please, Jeonghan, fuck me harder."
"There we go," he purrs, satisfaction evident in his voice. "Was that so hard?"
Before you can retort, he snaps his hips forward, burying himself to the hilt inside you. You cry out at the sudden fullness, your fingers clawing at the couch cushions.
Jeonghan sets a punishing pace, each thrust driving you further into the couch cushions. The hand not holding your wrists snakes around to find your clit, rubbing tight circles that have you seeing stars.
"Fuck, you feel so good," Jeonghan groans, his breath hot against your neck. "So tight, so perfect for me."
You moan at his words, feeling the familiar coil of heat building in your core. "J-Jeonghan," you whimper, "I'm close..."
"That's it, baby," he encourages, his fingers working faster against your clit. "Come for me. Let me feel you."
Every part of your body is on fire, from the way Jeonghan's hips press against yours to the way his fingers expertly stroke your clit.
You come with a cry, your body shaking as waves of pleasure crash over you. Your inner walls clench around him, drawing a deep groan from Jeonghan.
He doesn't slow his pace, fucking you through your orgasm and pushing you towards another. You're oversensitive, every nerve ending on fire, but the pleasure is too intense to resist.
"God, you're perfect," Jeonghan pants, his rhythm becoming erratic. "So fucking perfect."
You feel his thrusts becoming more desperate, his breathing ragged against your neck. "Come on, Jeonghan," you manage to gasp out.
"Come for me," you urge him, clenching around him deliberately.
With a guttural groan, Jeonghan's hips stutter and he comes, spilling inside you as his body shudders with release. The feeling of him pulsing within you sends you over the edge again, and you cry out, trembling beneath him.
For a long moment, the only sound in the motorhome is your combined heavy breathing. Jeonghan releases your wrists and gently pulls out, causing you both to wince at the sensitivity.
Jeonghan collapses onto the couch beside you, his body warm and solid as he pulls you into his arms. The weight of him, the feeling of his heartbeat drumming against your cheek, is grounding. You curl into his chest, letting the rise and fall of his breathing lull you into a rare moment of stillness. His fingers trace lazy patterns across your back, the movements unhurried, almost absentminded, as if he can’t bear to stop touching you just yet.
“Well,” he says finally, his voice rough and lower than usual, laced with satisfaction. “I think that was worth the wait.”
You huff a laugh, the sound barely audible over the soft thrum of life outside the motorhome. “Of course you do,” you mutter, your cheek pressed against the hard planes of his chest, which smells faintly of sweat, champagne, and something uniquely Jeonghan.
His fingers pause their tracing for a moment, as though considering his next move, before starting again, this time slower and more deliberate. “Admit it,” he murmurs, his tone teasing, though softer now, quieter, like the vulnerability from before hadn’t completely left. “You’ve been thinking about this as much as I have.”
You tilt your head up, catching the faint glow of the ceiling light reflected in his eyes. They’re darker now, warmer, but still full of that infuriating smugness. Your lips twitch in defiance as you fight the urge to smile. “What makes you so sure I was thinking about it at all?”
Jeonghan raises an eyebrow, a lock of hair falling across his forehead in a way that’s unfairly distracting. His grin is sharp and unrelenting. “You’re terrible at lying.”
“Am not,” you fire back, though your tone lacks any real conviction. The way his fingers continue their soft, languid exploration of your back doesn’t help.
“Okay,” he says, clearly enjoying himself as he leans his head back against the couch. “So when you cornered me after qualifying that one time in Japan two years ago, that wasn’t because you couldn’t stop staring at me in my race suit?”
You gape at him, your body jerking upright just enough to glare at him properly. “I cornered you because I wanted a quote, you egomaniac.” You punctuate the accusation with a half-hearted swat at his arm.
He catches your wrist easily, his grip firm but gentle, and intertwines his fingers with yours. The warmth of his hand against yours is distracting, and it takes all your willpower not to lose focus. “Oh, you got a quote, all right,” he counters, his laughter bubbling up like he’s savoring every second of your indignation. “Admit it—you’ve been counting the days.”
You roll your eyes, the movement dramatic, though the warmth blooming in your chest betrays you. “And if I was?”
Jeonghan’s grin softens at your words, the sharp edges smoothing out into something quieter, something vulnerable. He lifts a hand to your face, his fingers tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear with a tenderness that makes your breath catch. “Then I’d say it was worth the wait,” he says, his voice lower now, more intimate.
The air between you shifts, heavier now, the teasing replaced by something else entirely. His gaze locks on yours, and for a moment, the rest of the world fades—the low hum of the paddock outside, the faint creak of the motorhome settling. All that exists is him, his hand still resting near your face, and the weight of his words hanging between you.
Your throat feels tight, and you clear it quickly, trying to shake off the spell he’s cast over you. “Don’t let it go to your head,” you mutter, shifting slightly to put some distance between you.
“Too late,” he replies with a ghost of a smirk, leaning back lazily against the couch. His arm stretches along the back of the cushions, the casual sprawl of his posture somehow making him seem even more confident. Then, with an easy grace that feels entirely unfair, he leans forward and plucks something from the coffee table. “By the way, your article? It’s still late.”
You blink at him, incredulous, before groaning and burying your face in your hands. “Now you care about professionalism?”
Jeonghan shrugs, holding out his hand as if offering you an invisible microphone, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Exclusive with the winner of Monza? Don’t say I never gave you anything.”
You peek at him through your fingers, shaking your head with a laugh that’s half exasperation, half affection. “I hate you.”
“No, you don’t,” he counters, his voice softening again as he leans forward to press a kiss to your temple. His lips linger there, warm and reassuring, before he pulls back just enough to look at you again. “But I’ll let you pretend for a little while.”
Jeonghan’s arms tighten around you as the laughter fades into a comfortable quiet. The warmth of his hand on your back and the steady rhythm of his breathing are grounding, but your thoughts won’t stop spinning. You tilt your head up to look at him, searching his expression for something you can’t quite name.
“What?” he asks softly, his tone warm but teasing. His fingers brush over the curve of your shoulder, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.
“What… what are we now?” you ask, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. They hang in the air between you, vulnerable and raw.
Jeonghan’s gaze doesn’t waver. His thumb brushes your cheek with a tenderness that makes your chest tighten. “We’re whatever you want to be, sweetheart,” he says simply, his voice low and full of something too deep to name.
You feel your heart stutter, the weight of his words sinking into you. “Can we…” You hesitate, the vulnerability of the moment making your voice falter. “Can we take it slow?”
For a second, he just blinks at you, and then the corners of his mouth lift into that infuriatingly familiar smirk. “Take it slow? After you just made me beg?” He chuckles, the sound soft but undeniably teasing. “You’re full of surprises.”
Your face heats instantly, and you swat at his shoulder, your embarrassment overridden by his smugness. “Shut up.”
Jeonghan catches your wrist before you can retreat, his laughter fading as he shifts closer, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m kidding,” he murmurs, his voice softer now. The mischief in his eyes melts into something gentler, something that makes your breath catch. “I’ll wait as long as you want.”
You glance at him, your walls crumbling under the weight of his sincerity. “It’s just…” You trail off, trying to find the right words, the weight of reality settling in around you. “Our careers, the season… It’s a lot. I don’t want to mess this up, not with everything else happening.”
Jeonghan’s expression softens even further, the teasing flicker in his eyes replaced by understanding. “I get it,” he says quietly. His hand moves to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin. “I’ve waited three years to feel this close to you. What’s forever if it means I get to do it right?”
The words hit you like a punch to the chest, equal parts devastating and beautiful. You close your eyes for a moment, letting them sink in, before leaning forward to press your lips to his—soft, brief, but full of everything you can’t quite bring yourself to say.
When you pull back, Jeonghan’s smile is softer than you’ve ever seen it, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he gazes at you like you’re the only thing in the world worth looking at.
“No pressure, though,” he adds after a beat, his teasing tone returning as his grin widens. “Unless you’re writing a follow-up article about me being the world’s most patient man.”
You groan, burying your face in his chest as he laughs, the sound rich and warm. “You’re insufferable.”
“Yeah, but you love me for it,” he counters, his hand sliding back to your hair, cradling you close.
And maybe you do. Maybe you always have.
FORMULA 1 QATAR AIRWAYS AZERBAIJAN GRAND PRIX 2024 Track: Baku City Circuit
The streets of Baku were as much a character in the race as any driver—a stunning clash of history and modernity, where medieval walls stood beside glimmering skyscrapers. The track was notorious for its tight corners and long straights, a playground of risk and reward. Jeonghan knew every inch of it like it was an old rival, one he had to best to keep his championship hopes alive.
Qualifying was tight—Jeonghan secured P2, just behind Mingyu. "He’s fast," Jeonghan muttered to you that evening, the weight of the competition clear in his voice. But there was no self-doubt, just the quiet calculation that always preceded his brilliance.
Race day was a spectacle. Jeonghan’s precision through the castle section was breathtaking, and when the opportunity came to pass Mingyu on the long straight during the final stint, he didn’t hesitate. The roar of the tifosi—echoing even in Azerbaijan—followed him as he crossed the line first. The team’s radio had erupted with cheers as Jeonghan crossed the finish line, and when you saw him after the podium ceremony, his champagne-damp hair and triumphant smile had made your heart skip a beat.
Later, after the media frenzy, Jeonghan pulls you aside. "Come on," he says with a conspiratorial grin, grabbing your hand. "You didn’t think I’d let you leave Baku without exploring, did you?"
The cobblestone streets of Baku feel like something out of a postcard. The sun is just beginning to dip below the horizon, casting a golden hue over the historic Old City. Jeonghan walks beside you, his hand occasionally brushing yours as he gestures to the buildings with a sense of wonder that’s rare to see in him.
“How do you know all this?” you ask, genuinely curious as he points out the Maiden Tower and recounts its legends with surprising accuracy.
He grins, tilting his head in that maddeningly charming way. “What, you thought I only studied race strategies? I’ve got layers, sweetheart.” He insists on taking cheesy tourist photos, including one where he pretends to be a knight defending you at the city walls.
“I could be your knight in shining armor,” he teases, holding his imaginary sword aloft.
You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the smile tugging at your lips. “You’re already Ferrari’s golden boy,” you shoot back, snapping the photo anyway. “Isn’t that enough?”
He’s good at this—whisking you away from the chaos of the paddock and making you forget, even if just for a moment, that the world is watching him.
Now, as you wander the streets of Baku, he’s more relaxed, his usual playful demeanor slipping into something softer. You pause in front of a street vendor selling intricate souvenirs, and Jeonghan picks up a small, hand-carved wooden box.
“For your desk,” he says simply, handing it to you before you can protest.
“You’re insufferable,” you mutter, but you take the gift anyway.
“Yeah, but you love me,” he teases, slinging an arm around your shoulders as the two of you continue down the street, the sound of distant music and laughter filling the warm night air.
That night, back at the hotel, Jeonghan skims your article on his phone while sprawled on the couch.
Jeonghan’s Baku Blitz: Closes the Gap to Mingyu with Stunning Victory
His smirk grows wider with every sentence. “Stunning victory, huh? You really know how to make me sound good.”
You roll your eyes, throwing a pillow at him. “It was stunning. Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Oh, it’s too late for that,” he quips, pulling you into his lap. “And don’t think I didn’t notice the little shout-out to my late-braking move. Makes me wonder how closely you’re watching me.”
“Always,” you admit softly, the truth laced between your words. His grin softens, and he leans in to press a kiss to your temple.
FORMULA 1 SINGAPORE AIRLINES SINGAPORE GRAND PRIX 2024 Track: Marina Bay Street Circuit
The Marina Bay Circuit was infamous—its oppressive heat, humidity, and unforgiving corners made it a grueling test of endurance. It was Jeonghan’s least favorite track, something he’d muttered repeatedly during practice.
In qualifying, he delivered a masterclass, securing pole position under the glowing lights that lined the circuit. "See?" he said, leaning casually against his car afterward, sweat still dripping from his brow. "Guess the heat doesn’t bother me as much as I thought." Watching him grin through post-quali interviews, drenched in sweat but radiating confidence, had you practically floating back to your hotel room.
You’ve barely ventured outside the hotel after qualifying, and he texts you cryptically to “stay put.” Now, the air conditioning hums softly as you sit cross-legged on the bed, scrolling through headlines about his performance. You’re still reading when the door swings open, and Jeonghan strides in, carrying a tray.
“Room service,” he announces with a dramatic flourish, setting it down beside you.
Your eyes widen at the sight of chocolate-covered strawberries and a chilled bottle of champagne. “What’s the occasion?”
He shrugs, popping the cork with practiced ease. “Pole position deserves a celebration. Plus…” He smirks, holding up a strawberry. “I wanted to see you smile.”
You laugh, shaking your head as he moves closer, offering the berry. But when you reach for it, he pulls it back, dragging it over your lips instead, smearing chocolate at the corner of your mouth.
“You missed a spot,” he murmurs, leaning in to kiss it away. The sweetness lingers on his lips, and before you know it, he’s pulled you into his lap, the rest of the world forgotten.
The race the next day is less triumphant. A perfectly timed pit stop keeps Jeonghan ahead of the pack for most of the race, but a late safety car allows another driver to close the gap, relegating him to P2. Still, with Mingyu out of the race, Jeonghan’s second-place finish is enough to reclaim the championship lead.
Jeonghan’s expression is unreadable when he reads your latest article:
Heat and Havoc in Singapore: Jeonghan Takes Second as Mingyu Crashes Out
“Well, at least you didn’t call me lucky,” he says finally, leaning back in his chair.
“You weren’t lucky. You earned that result,” you reply, watching his face carefully.
He hums, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “Still. Next time, I’d rather win outright.”
FALL BREAK: SEPT 23-OCT 17
The crisp autumn air brushes against your face as you unlock your front door, arms full of groceries. It’s been a quiet few weeks since Singapore, the space between races stretching out like an eternity. You’ve tried to enjoy the pause, but it feels strange—unnatural, even—to be so far removed from the whirlwind of Jeonghan’s life.
Your thoughts drift to him as you drop the keys on the counter. Monaco. Ferrari’s headquarters in Maranello. Both places are worlds away from your little apartment.
You’re unloading a carton of eggs when there’s a knock at the door. Confused, you glance at the clock. It’s too late for deliveries and far too early for your neighbors to come by.
When you open the door, your heart stops.
Jeonghan stands there, his frame relaxed yet somehow magnetic. He’s dressed in a simple leather jacket and jeans, his dark hair catching the golden glow of the setting sun. A bouquet of your favorite flowers is clutched in one hand, their vibrant colors almost as captivating as the smile tugging at his lips.
“Jeonghan?” you ask, blinking in disbelief. “What are you—how—”
“Miss me?” he interrupts, stepping inside before you can fully process his presence. He hands you the flowers like it’s the most natural thing in the world, leaning in to press a quick kiss against your lips.
Your breath catches, and you can only stare at him, your mind struggling to keep up.
“You live in Monaco,” you point out, still staring at him. “And work in Italy.”
“I’m aware,” he says, a hint of amusement in his tone. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Of course, I missed you,” you murmur, your cheeks heating.
“Good.” He grins and takes your free hand, tugging you toward the door.
“Wait—where are we going?”
“Out,” he says simply.
You try to protest, gesturing to the groceries still sitting on the counter, but he’s already leading you down the hallway. His excitement is infectious, and you find yourself laughing despite your confusion.
An hour later, you’re standing at the entrance of a sprawling amusement park, the neon lights casting a kaleidoscope of colors across the evening sky.
“You’re serious?” you ask, staring at the carousel spinning lazily in the distance.
“Dead serious,” Jeonghan replies, his tone light as he hands over your ticket. “I figured you could use a night off.”
“I’m not the one traveling the world every other week,” you point out.
“Exactly,” he counters, his smile growing. “I needed to see you smile. And this seemed like a good place to start.”
The night unfolds in a blur of laughter and adrenaline. Jeonghan, surprisingly competitive, insists on winning you a giant stuffed bear at the ring toss, only to fail spectacularly—twice. You tease him mercilessly, your stomach aching from how hard you’re laughing.
When you step off the bumper cars, your cheeks are flushed, and your voice is hoarse from yelling. Jeonghan is no better, his hair sticking up in all directions after you gleefully rammed into him three times in a row.
“I think you’ve got a mean streak,” he says, pretending to nurse an invisible injury.
“Me?” you gasp, feigning innocence. “You literally tried to corner me!”
He doesn’t respond—at least, not verbally. Instead, he grabs your hand again, intertwining your fingers as he pulls you toward the Ferris wheel.
The view from the top is breathtaking. The park stretches out below you, a sea of lights and movement, while the city skyline glimmers in the distance.
Jeonghan is quiet beside you, his gaze fixed on your face instead of the view. You turn to him, suddenly aware of how close he’s sitting.
“What?” you ask softly.
“You’re happy,” he murmurs, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “I like seeing you like this.”
Before you can respond, he leans in, capturing your lips in a kiss that steals your breath. It’s slow and deliberate, his hand moving to cradle your jaw as the world around you seems to fall away.
When he pulls back, you’re both smiling.
“This is dangerous,” you tease, though your voice is barely above a whisper. “You’re going to make me think nothing can go wrong.”
“Maybe nothing will,” he replies, his forehead resting gently against yours.
FORMULA 1 PIRELLI UNITED STATES GRAND PRIX 2024 Track: Circuit of the Americas
Austin brought a different kind of challenge. The Circuit of the Americas was iconic for its mix of sweeping corners, elevation changes, and a crowd that rivaled the tifosi in their enthusiasm. Jeonghan thrived here, securing P1 in qualifying and delivering a flawless race to claim another victory.
"Two wins in three races," he said that evening, pulling you into his side as you walked into a cowboy-themed bar downtown. "Guess I’m on a roll."
The bar was loud, filled with locals and fans alike, but Jeonghan stood out effortlessly. His cowboy hat tilted just right, a plaid shirt unbuttoned enough to make you wonder how he managed to look like that after hours in a car.
He kept his hand in your back pocket all night, his touch a silent claim when no one was looking. Every time he leaned in to murmur something in your ear, his lips brushed your skin just enough to send a shiver down your spine.
"Save a horse, ride a cowboy," he whispered at one point, his grin wicked as he tipped his hat at you.
That was all it took. You dragged him back to the hotel, barely making it through the door before he was on you, the hat ending up on the floor somewhere between the bed and the door.
The article you write the next day earns a rare whistle of approval from Jeonghan:
Cowboy Jeonghan Rides High in Austin, Extends Championship Lead
“I think this might be your best one yet,” he says, setting the phone down as he pulls you into his lap.
“Because I complimented you, or because I called you a cowboy?”
“Both,” he answers, his lips brushing against yours. “You know how much I love it when you’re right.”
And as his hand slides to the small of your back, you can’t help but think this season isn’t just his championship—it’s yours, too.
FORMULA 1 GRAN PREMIO DE LA CIUDAD DE MÉXICO 2024 Track: Autódromo Hermanos Rodríguez
The atmosphere at the Autódromo Hermanos Rodríguez crackles with energy even hours after the race ends. The stands have mostly cleared, but the celebratory chaos of the paddock lingers. Jeonghan, fresh off another stellar performance, grins as reporters crowd around him, microphones extended like offerings. His hair is damp with sweat, his race suit tied around his waist as he leans casually against the Ferrari garage.
You watch from a distance, notebook in hand, trying not to let your gaze linger too long. He catches your eye anyway, a knowing smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. He’s been calling you his “lucky charm” ever since you started waking up in his bed on race mornings, and it’s a moniker he seems to enjoy reminding you of at every opportunity.
"Don't go too far," he says when the interviews wrap up, his voice low as he brushes past you on his way to the motorhome. The warmth of his fingertips grazing your wrist sends a jolt of electricity through you. "We’re celebrating tonight, and you’re not wriggling out of it this time."
You don’t see the ambush coming.
You’re reviewing your notes in the quiet corner of the paddock when your editor finds you. His expression is stern, almost irate, as he approaches. The celebration around you suddenly feels muffled, the weight of his presence pulling you back to reality.
"Finally," he snaps, crossing his arms. "I’ve been trying to get hold of you for days."
"Hey, sorry, it’s been hectic," you start, tucking your notebook under your arm.
He doesn’t let you finish. "Hectic? I gave you the Ferrari all-access months ago. They’re breathing down my neck about where the hell it is. Where’s the draft?"
The question lands like a punch to the gut. You open your mouth, fumbling for an answer, but he’s already barreling forward.
"And don’t think I haven’t noticed your tone shift," he continues, his voice lowering but losing none of its edge. "All this newfound niceness toward Jeonghan in your articles. What’s that about, huh? You sleeping with him or something?"
The accusation slices through you, leaving you momentarily stunned.
"That’s not—" you begin, but your voice falters.
"Spare me," he says, waving you off. "I don’t care what’s going on between you two, but I do care about the reputation of this outlet. You’ve built your career on being incisive, unbiased. So get it together, or I’ll find someone who can."
He doesn’t wait for a response, leaving you standing there as the din of the paddock swells around you. The celebration feels distant now, muffled by the blood rushing in your ears.
When Jeonghan finally finds you later that night, you’re a bundle of frayed nerves. The confrontation with your editor replays in your head like a broken record, each word cutting deeper into your carefully constructed sense of self. You sit hunched over your laptop in the corner of the media center, the fluorescent lights casting harsh shadows that match the knot in your chest.
“What, you sleeping with him or something?”
The accusation echoes, burrowing into your mind, where it tangles with your own insecurities. You’ve built your entire career on being sharp, unbiased, and unflinchingly honest. And yet, somewhere along the way, Jeonghan had slipped through your defenses. You can still hear the venom in your editor’s voice, feel the judgment in his eyes. The doubt wasn’t just his anymore—it was yours, too.
Was he right? Had you compromised everything for Jeonghan?
Your hands tremble slightly as you scroll through the notes you’ve been trying to organize for hours, but the words blur together, useless. Guilt presses against your ribs like a vice, mixing with a raw ache of something you’re too scared to name. You’re drowning in your own thoughts, and you can’t shake the feeling that you’ve let everyone down: your editor, your readers, and most of all, Jeonghan.
When he finally appears, his presence fills the doorway like a shadow cutting through the sterile light. He leans against the doorframe with a casualness you can’t match, arms crossed and head tilted slightly, his damp hair still clinging to his forehead. The sight of him, so familiar and yet suddenly so distant, sends a pang through your chest.
“Working late?” he asks, his voice low but carrying the faint edge of concern.
You look up, startled, and quickly shut your laptop as if that might erase everything weighing on you. “Just...catching up,” you say, forcing a smile that feels as flimsy as the excuse.
Jeonghan doesn’t move, his eyes scanning you with the precision of someone who knows you too well. He doesn’t buy the act—you can tell by the way his brows knit together, a subtle but telling sign of his worry.
“Catching up on what?” he asks, stepping closer, his tone light but probing.
You shrug, trying to sound casual. “Just notes. Articles. The usual.”
His gaze sharpens. “Right. And that’s why you look like you haven’t breathed in hours?”
You glance away, your fingers curling into fists on the tabletop. “I’m fine, Jeonghan. Go enjoy your win. You earned it.”
“And what, leave you like this?” He pulls out a chair and sits across from you, resting his arms on the table. “Not happening.”
The flood of emotions bubbling under your surface threatens to spill over. You want to tell him everything, but the words feel too tangled, too raw.
“I just need to get this done,” you say, your voice tight.
Jeonghan frowns, studying you more closely. "What’s going on? Did something happen?"
"Nothing," you say quickly, sidestepping him. "I just need some space tonight, okay?"
His hand brushes your arm, but you pull away, and the confusion in his eyes makes your stomach twist. "Fine," he says after a moment, his voice quieter now. "If that’s what you want."
Jeonghan wakes up to sunlight filtering through the blinds, but the bed feels empty. The cool sheets where you usually sleep tug at his attention before he fully registers the weight in his chest. Frowning, he rolls over and reaches for his phone on the nightstand, still groggy.
The screen lights up with a mess of notifications: congratulatory texts, memes from Soonyoung, and a dozen links to your latest article. He swipes through the chaos with a faint smile, already anticipating your sharp insights mingled with the familiar affection that’s always laced through your critiques.
Propping himself up against the headboard, Jeonghan opens the piece. At first, the smile lingers—he’s grown to appreciate the balance you strike between honest criticism and admiration. But the further he reads, the slower he scrolls, the words pressing into him like bruises.
His smile fades entirely by the time he reaches the paragraph describing his meltdown in Spain. The words cut too close, dragging him back to that moment in the Aston Martin garage: the oppressive silence, the rain hammering against the roof, and the suffocating realization of yet another missed opportunity.
"Jeonghan’s brilliance is undeniable, but brilliance without consistency leaves championships just out of reach."
The sentence burns itself into his mind. The carefully chosen words feel clinical, detached—so unlike you. He rereads it, hoping to find the warmth he’s come to expect, but it’s nowhere to be found.
Jeonghan tosses his phone onto the bed and stares at the ceiling, disbelief simmering into anger. This wasn’t just an article. This was personal.
The paddock is bustling, teams dismantling their motorhomes to get ready for next weekend. Jeonghan doesn’t bother changing out of his sweats before leaving his room, each step through the maze of hospitality suites and garages fueled by frustration.
When he finally reaches the media center, his chest tightens at the sight of you hunched over your laptop, headphones in, oblivious to his stormy approach. He doesn’t hesitate.
"You want to tell me what the hell that was?" His voice slices through the low hum of conversations around you.
Startled, you pull off your headphones, your eyes widening as you take him in. "Jeonghan—"
"No." He slaps his phone onto the desk in front of you, his movements sharp and deliberate. The article stares back at you, a glaring reminder of the wedge you’ve driven between you. "Don’t ‘Jeonghan’ me. What is this?"
"It’s my job," you say, standing to meet his intensity. The tremor in your voice betrays your composure. "You’ve always said you respected that about me."
"Respect?" His laugh is sharp, the kind that doesn’t reach his eyes. "You think I respect this?" He gestures to the article like it’s a living thing, something venomous and cruel. "You went for my throat."
"I didn’t go for your throat," you argue, though your voice cracks at the edges. "I wrote the truth."
"The truth?" His hands ball into fists at his sides. "You think I don’t know when you’re pulling punches? You tore me apart for no reason."
"You’ve been avoiding media days. You had a meltdown in Spain," you fire back, your tone rising as your frustration bubbles to the surface. "Those are facts, Jeonghan."
"You didn’t have to highlight them," he counters, his voice quieter but no less cutting. "You know how much this season means to me."
"And do you think this was easy for me?" you ask, tears pricking at your eyes. "Do you think I wanted to write that?"
"Then why did you?" His voice softens, the anger slipping to reveal something raw and vulnerable. "Why would you do that to me?"
"Because I had to!" The words explode out of you, breaking the fragile tension. "Because people already think I’m biased. That I’ve gone soft. That I’m compromised because of you."
The weight of your confession hangs in the air, pressing down on both of you. Jeonghan’s face shifts, the fury giving way to something heavier—hurt, confusion, disappointment.
"I never asked you to compromise anything for me," he says quietly, his voice thick. "I never would."
You look away, your gaze falling to the floor. "I know. But this isn’t just about you. It’s about my career. My integrity."
"And what about us?" he asks, his voice breaking slightly. "Where does that leave us?"
You have no answer, the words lodged in your throat. The silence stretches, broken only by the faint hum of activity outside the room.
Finally, Jeonghan exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair. "I can’t do this right now," he mutters, taking a step back. "I need...I need to get out of here."
Jeonghan finds himself at the bar later that evening, the neon lights washing over him in hazy blues and reds. The whiskey in his glass is halfway gone before Soonyoung slides onto the stool next to him, his arrival quiet but not unnoticed.
"You look like shit," Soonyoung says, his tone light despite the obvious concern in his eyes.
"Thanks," Jeonghan mutters, swirling the amber liquid in his glass.
They sit in silence for a moment before Soonyoung breaks it. "Want to talk about it?"
Jeonghan stares at his drink, the ice melting faster than he can keep up with. "I don’t know what we’re doing anymore," he admits, the words coming out heavier than he expected. "Me and her."
Soonyoung hums thoughtfully, taking a slow sip of his drink. "You two have always been complicated."
Jeonghan huffs out a humorless laugh. "That’s one way to put it."
"But," Soonyoung says, setting his glass down, "you’ve also always figured it out."
Jeonghan doesn’t respond, his thoughts a tangled mess of frustration and longing.
"You’re not going to fix it tonight," Soonyoung continues, his voice quieter now. "But if it matters—and I know it does—you’ll find a way. Just...don’t wait too long, yeah?"
Jeonghan nods slowly, the whiskey burning on its way down. Soonyoung’s words linger, a reminder of what he already knows but isn’t ready to face.
Not yet.
FORMULA 1 LENOVO GRANDE PRÊMIO DE SÃO PAULO 2024 Track: Autódromo José Carlos Pace
The rain is relentless in São Paulo, hammering down on the paddock and turning the atmosphere into a chaotic mess of drenched personnel and frayed nerves. Qualifying has been suspended indefinitely, the downpour rendering the track undriveable, and the mood in the Ferrari garage is grim. The asphalt glistens under the floodlights, reflecting streaks of color from team banners and sponsor logos. It feels like the world is holding its breath.
You’ve never liked rain. It has a way of amplifying what’s already simmering under the surface, and today is no exception. Your heart pounds as you weave through the maze of garages, dodging puddles and sidelong glances from team members. You know exactly where he’ll be—Jeonghan never strays far from the Ferrari setup, even when there’s nothing to do but wait.
Sure enough, there he is. Sitting on the edge of a workbench, his race suit unzipped to his waist and his damp undershirt clinging to his torso. His head is bowed, one hand gripping the edge of the bench while the other pushes wet strands of hair back from his forehead. He looks exhausted—physically, emotionally—but the moment your shoes scuff against the concrete floor, his eyes snap up to meet yours.
You’ve been blowing up his phone all week. Texts, calls, voice notes—all unanswered or met with cold, clipped replies.
"Jeonghan," you start, the sound of your voice barely carrying over the rain pelting the garage roof.
He doesn’t move. Doesn’t smile. "What are you doing here?"
The coldness in his tone sends a shiver down your spine, but you force yourself to step closer. "I could ask you the same thing."
His laugh is short, bitter. "Why are you surprised? This is where I always am."
"Don’t do that," you say, trying to keep your voice steady. "Don’t act like this is normal. You’ve been ignoring me for weeks."
"I haven’t been ignoring you," he snaps, pushing off the bench. He stands tall now, towering over you, his hands resting on his hips. "I’ve been busy."
"Busy?" You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. "You call one-word replies busy? Jeonghan, I’ve been calling and texting nonstop, and you’ve barely said anything to me."
His jaw tightens, and for a moment, he says nothing. The silence stretches, heavy and suffocating, broken only by the distant clatter of tools being packed away. Finally, he exhales sharply, running a hand through his damp hair again.
"Maybe I’m tired," he says, his voice quieter but no less sharp. "Maybe I’m sick of pretending everything’s fine when it’s not."
Your heart twists at the admission, but you push it aside. "What’s not fine? Tell me, Jeonghan. Because I don’t understand why you’re shutting me out."
He shakes his head, a humorless smile tugging at his lips. "You don’t understand?" His voice rises, cracking with the weight of his frustration. "How could you not? You tore me apart in that article like I was just another driver. Like I meant nothing to you."
"It’s my job," you argue, but the words sound weak even to your ears.
"Your job?" he repeats, throwing his arms up. "You mean the job where you’re supposed to be unbiased? Yeah, I’ve noticed how ‘unbiased’ you’ve been lately. Especially when it comes to me."
"That’s not fair," you shoot back, taking a step closer. "You know I’ve always tried to be honest—"
"Honest?" He laughs, the sound bitter and hollow. "You call dragging my worst moments into the spotlight honest? You didn’t write about me; you dissected me. Like I was nothing more than a story."
Tears sting your eyes, but you blink them away, refusing to let him see how much his words cut. "I didn’t mean to hurt you."
"But you did," he says, his voice softening but losing none of its edge. "And now I don’t even know where we stand."
"We stand..." You falter, your throat tightening. "We stand where we’ve always stood. I care about you, Jeonghan. But this is complicated."
He steps closer, his eyes searching yours. "It doesn’t have to be. It’s only complicated because you’re making it that way."
You look away, unable to hold his gaze. "You don’t understand what this means for me. For my career. For the season."
"And what about me?" he presses, his voice breaking. "What about what this means for us?"
The weight of his words hangs between you, heavy and suffocating. You take a shaky step back, the sound of the rain growing louder in the silence. "Maybe I should go," you whisper, turning toward the garage entrance.
"Don’t," he says sharply, and before you can take another step, his hand wraps around your wrist. “Don’t walk away from me.”
You barely have time to register the movement before he’s pulling you back, his other hand cupping your face as his lips crash against yours. The rain spills into the garage, soaking you both as his kiss deepens, desperate and unyielding. His hands slide to your waist, holding you like you’re the only thing keeping him grounded.
When he finally pulls back, his forehead presses against yours, his breath warm against your skin. "I won’t give you up," he whispers, his voice raw. "But I need you to choose."
"Jeonghan..." Your voice trembles, but he cuts you off.
"You love me," he says, his hands cupping your face. "Yes or no."
You hesitate, the weight of his question pressing down on you like the storm outside.
"Come on, sweetheart," he pleads, his voice cracking. "Don’t make me beg."
"I’m scared," you admit finally, your voice breaking. "Scared of losing myself. Of losing everything I’ve worked for."
He exhales shakily, his thumb brushing against your cheek. "Are you willing to lose me to keep writing?"
"I..." The words catch in your throat, the truth slipping through your fingers. "I don’t know."
His hands drop to his sides, and he takes a step back, the distance between you like a chasm. "When you decide," he says quietly, his voice heavy with resignation, "give me a call."
The rain clears just in time for Sunday’s race, and Jeonghan is unstoppable. He weaves through the slick track with the precision and grace that made him a legend, crossing the finish line first and extending his lead in the championship.
But you’re not there to celebrate with him.
You watch from the media center, your chest tight as the cameras capture his triumphant smile. But there’s a hollowness in his expression, a flicker of something unspoken as he scans the crowd for someone who isn’t there.
The post-race interviews blur together, and even as you type up your article, the words feel lifeless. Without him beside you, the hotel room feels cold and sterile, the thrill of the race dulled by the ache in your chest.
The days leading up to the Las Vegas Grand Prix are a haze of press releases and anticipation. Jeonghan is one race away from becoming a world champion, but all you can think about is the sound of his voice, the warmth of his touch, the way he looked at you under the floodlights.
Your editor calls to praise your latest pieces, but the compliments feel hollow. The articles are polished and professional, but they lack the spark you used to feel when writing about him.
You glance at your phone, your thumb hovering over Jeonghan’s name. You haven’t called. Haven’t texted. Haven’t dared to.
Because the truth is, you’re terrified.
Terrified of losing yourself.
But even more terrified of losing him.
FORMULA 1 HEINEKEN SILVER LAS VEGAS GRAND PRIX 2024 Track: Las Vegas Strip Circuit
The sun sets over Las Vegas in a haze of neon and desert dust, the city already buzzing with anticipation for the final race of the season. But in the paddock, the air is electric for all the wrong reasons.
Jeonghan crashes out in Q3.
Your eyes are glued to the screen as Jeonghan’s car slides violently into the barriers, the sharp sound of the impact slicing through the usual hum of commentary. Gasps ripple through the room, but your stomach lurches with something deeper than professional concern.
You’re in the media center when it happens, staring at the screen as his time locks in. The commentators speculate, the other journalists start drafting headlines, but you can’t hear a word of it. Your heart is already in free fall, and you don’t breathe again until he climbs out of the car, his hands held up in frustration as he waves off the medics.
P8. A disastrous result for the race that could make—or break—his championship. It might as well be the end of the world.
The room erupts into murmurs as analysts speculate on strategy and rival team fans cheer, but you barely hear them. Your editor sidles up to your desk, his grin practically gleaming in the fluorescent light.
"Well, well," he says, leaning over your shoulder. "Looks like we’ve got our headline for tomorrow. ‘Jeonghan’s Championship Dream in Tatters.’ Perfect angle to dissect his mistakes, maybe even his cocky attitude catching up with him—"
His words fade into the background as something clicks inside you. Every fiber of your being recoils at the thought of reducing Jeonghan—your Jeonghan—to nothing more than a headline. You love writing, yes, but this? This isn’t writing. This is tearing apart the one person who matters most to you, all for clicks and ad revenue.
Without thinking, you swivel in your chair, fixing your editor with a glare so sharp it silences him mid-sentence. "This is my two weeks’ notice."
He blinks, taken aback. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me." You stand, grabbing your bag and laptop. "I’m done."
Before he can argue, you’re already out the door, leaving behind the cacophony of keyboards and camera flashes. The paddock is chaos as you weave through the throngs of team personnel and fans, your heart pounding with a mix of adrenaline and urgency.
You run.
The Ferrari garage is chaos. Engineers scramble to pack up the car, Jeonghan’s manager barks into his phone, and his publicist looks ready to faint. You push your way through it all, ignoring the glares and the shouted protests.
“He doesn’t want to see anyone right now,” Soonyoung says, stepping in front of you as you approach the motorhome.
“I don’t care,” you snap, shoving past him.
The motorhome is empty.
For a moment, you’re frozen, your chest heaving as you glance around the pristine space. The stillness only amplifies your worry. And then it hits you, like a sudden gust of wind: you know exactly where he is.
You sprint again, your heartbeat pounding louder than the chaos of the paddock behind you. The world blurs into streaks of neon lights, the hum of distant conversations, and the faint roar of engines being powered down for the night. The grandstands loom ahead, their cold metal steps stretching upward like an impossible climb. Each step burns in your legs, your breath coming in shallow gasps, but you don’t let up.
You don’t stop until you see him.
Jeonghan sits alone, halfway up the grandstands, his figure slouched as though the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders. The floodlights bathe him in a pale glow, illuminating the soft curve of his profile, his hair catching the light in strands of gold. His head is tilted back, eyes fixed on the track below as if searching for answers in the lines he couldn’t master tonight. A half-finished beer dangles loosely from his fingertips, the bottle swaying slightly with every small movement. Beside him, another bottle sits untouched, condensation pooling on the aluminum seat beneath it.
Waiting.
You take the last steps slowly, your chest tightening as your breathing evens out. Up close, his exhaustion is palpable—dark shadows under his eyes, his usual sharp features softened by an unfamiliar vulnerability.
“I knew you’d come,” he says without looking at you, breaking the silence. His voice is soft, but it carries a weight that settles heavily in your chest. He doesn’t even look at you, his gaze still fixed somewhere far ahead, lost in thought.
You hover for a moment before lowering yourself into the seat beside him. The cold aluminum seeps through your jeans, a stark contrast to the heat radiating from your own skin after the sprint. Jeonghan doesn’t move, doesn’t turn toward you, and the distance between you feels like a chasm.
“Jeonghan...” you start, your voice hesitant, but he cuts you off with a bitter laugh.
“This is what happens when my lucky charm leaves me,” he mutters, a sad smile curling at the edges of his lips. His tone is light, but it does nothing to hide the ache in his words. He takes a slow sip of his beer, the motion unhurried.
You glance at the track, the sharp turns and straightaways now cloaked in shadows. “It’s not your fault,” you say softly, your hand reaching out to brush his arm. He flinches at the contact, his muscles tense beneath your touch, but he doesn’t pull away.
“P8 doesn’t mean it’s over.”
This time, he turns to look at you, his dark eyes locking onto yours. The raw vulnerability there makes your chest tighten further. His voice is quieter now, almost fragile. “You don’t get it,” he murmurs, shaking his head as his gaze drops to the beer bottle in his hand. “This race... it’s everything. If I win, I’m a champion. If I don’t...” He trails off, his words hanging in the air between you.
“I’m scared, Y/N.” His voice cracks, and the sound is almost unbearable. “Scared of all of it. The pressure, the expectations... losing.”
You stare at him, the usually unshakable Jeonghan, the Golden Boy, the Ferrari God, unraveling before you. Your hands move without thinking, cupping his face and tilting his chin so he’s forced to meet your gaze again. His skin is warm beneath your palms, a faint flush from the alcohol—or maybe the stress—lingering across his cheeks.
“Jeonghan,” you say, your voice steady despite the storm in your chest. You press your forehead against his, your breath mingling with his as you close the distance between you. “You love me. Yes or no.”
For a moment, he doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe. And then his hands come up to grip your wrists, his touch firm but trembling. “Yes,” he whispers, the word spilling from his lips without hesitation, raw and resolute. His voice shakes, but his eyes hold yours, steady and certain despite the tears brimming there.
A soft smile tugs at your lips as you lean in, your lips brushing against his forehead in a feather-light kiss. “Good,” you whisper, the word carrying a quiet strength. “You’ll always have me.”
His grip on your wrists loosens, his expression shifting to something between confusion and hope. “But your job... your writing?”
“I’m quitting,” you say simply, letting the words hang for a moment. You watch the shock bloom across his face, his eyebrows shooting up as he sits back slightly, pulling your hands with him.
“You’re what?”
You laugh softly, brushing your thumb against his cheek as if to soothe him. “Not writing, idiot,” you tease gently. “I’m still going to write. But I’m not writing for any organization that profits off me tearing the man I love to shreds.”
His lips part, but no words come. He blinks rapidly, trying to process, and you take the opportunity to continue.
“Besides,” you add, your voice lighter now, “Sky Sports has been trying to recruit me for an on-air job for almost a year now.”
He stares at you, his gaze searching your face for any hint of doubt or regret. Finally, his voice comes, soft and uncertain. “You love me?”
The corners of your mouth lift into a playful smile, and you raise an eyebrow. “Is that what you decide to focus on?”
“Y/N,” he says again, his voice dropping to a whisper, almost desperate. His hands move to clasp yours, his fingers lacing through yours as if afraid you’ll slip away. “Do you love me?”
You answer with action, leaning in and capturing his lips in a quick, tender kiss. His breath hitches, his fingers tightening around yours. “Win tomorrow, golden boy,” you whisper, your lips brushing his as you speak. “And I’ll tell you my answer.”
For the first time that night, Jeonghan smiles—a real, genuine smile that reaches his eyes and softens the tension in his face. And in that moment, as the world fades to just the two of you under the floodlights, you know he’s already won.
Jeonghan is going to lose.
He’s sure of it.
The car feels like it’s fighting him at every turn, the tires slipping just slightly when he needs them to grip, the brakes locking up when he’s trying to conserve them for the final laps. His body aches from the sheer force of the race—the g-forces on the corners, the strain in his neck, the tension in his hands from gripping the wheel too hard.
The numbers on his dashboard blur together, his mind a muddled mess of strategies, tire temps, and sector times. He’s made up four places since the chaotic start and sits in P4 now, but every gain feels like a herculean effort. Every corner feels like it could be his last.
He slams the steering wheel in frustration as he exits another turn slower than he should, the car wobbling slightly under him. “This isn’t working,” he growls into the radio, his voice clipped and strained.
His engineer’s calm voice filters through the crackling static. “We know, Jeonghan. Stay focused. We believe in you.”
Jeonghan clenches his teeth, a biting retort forming on his tongue, but before he can spit it out, the radio crackles again.
“Your girl is here. In the garage. She’s watching.”
“What the fuck?” The words come out before he can stop them, his tone incredulous.
“Soonyoung wanted to surprise you,” his engineer explains, and Jeonghan can practically hear the grin in his voice.
His mind stutters to a halt, and for a moment, all the noise fades—the engine’s roar, the tires screeching against the asphalt, even the deafening wind rushing past his helmet. He blinks, the image of you sitting in the garage flashing in his mind, your presence there grounding him in a way nothing else can.
And then, like a light cutting through the fog, your words echo in his head. “Win tomorrow, and I’ll tell you my answer.”
His grip on the wheel tightens, his breath steadies, and something in him clicks. It’s not just the car anymore—it’s him. His mind, his body, the machine—they all fall into alignment like pieces of a puzzle.
“Copy,” he says into the radio, his voice calm now. The frustration is gone, replaced by a steely determination.
Lap 50. Jeonghan is chasing down P3, the gap shrinking corner by corner. His tires scream in protest as he takes each turn with precision, braking just a fraction later, accelerating just a fraction earlier. The car isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t need to be. He’s making it work.
As he dives into the braking zone at Turn 7, the car in front of him falters, locking up slightly. Jeonghan seizes the opportunity, darting to the inside line and slipping past with a calculated aggression that leaves no room for error.
P3.
Lap 53. The leader pack is within sight now—Mingyu in P1, his closest rival, and Seungcheol in P2, a surprising dark horse this season. The three of them have danced this dance all season, but tonight feels different. Tonight, everything is on the line.
Lap 55. Seungcheol’s car begins to falter, his tires degrading as he struggles to maintain pace. Jeonghan hovers in his slipstream, biding his time.
On the main straight, he pulls to the outside, pushing his car to its limits. The engine roars as he edges past Seungcheol, the two of them side by side into the braking zone. Jeonghan holds his line, his heart pounding as he feels the car stick.
P2.
Lap 58. Mingyu is just ahead, the gap less than a second now. Jeonghan can feel the strain in his body, his hands cramping from the sheer effort, but he doesn’t let up. Every ounce of energy he has left is poured into these final laps.
Lap 59. DRS is open, the rear wing flattening to reduce drag as Jeonghan closes the gap on the straight. Mingyu defends aggressively, forcing Jeonghan to the outside.
They enter Turn 10 side by side, the apex inches away. Jeonghan holds his breath, his tires brushing the curbs as he edges ahead. But Mingyu doesn’t back down, his car pushing right up to Jeonghan’s rear wing as they exit the turn.
Lap 60. The final lap. It’s a battle of wills now, neither of them giving an inch. Jeonghan’s heart feels like it’s about to burst, the sweat dripping down his face soaking into the padding of his helmet.
The final corner looms ahead, and Jeonghan knows this is it. Mingyu is on his inside, the two of them neck and neck as they approach the braking zone.
Jeonghan brakes just a millisecond later, his car sliding slightly as he takes the tighter line. He holds his breath, willing the car to stay steady, and then he’s through.
The checkered flag waves, the two cars crossing the line almost simultaneously.
Jeonghan’s chest heaves as he slumps back in his seat, his mind a blur of exhaustion and adrenaline. He doesn’t know if he’s won or lost—everything was too close, too fast.
The radio crackles to life, and for a moment, all he hears is chaos—shouting, cheering, voices overlapping in a cacophony of noise.
And then, cutting through it all, your voice rings out.
“YOON JEONGHAN, TWO-TIME WORLD CHAMPION!”
The words hit him like a lightning bolt, and a yell tears from his throat, loud and raw and triumphant. He punches the air, his entire body trembling with emotion as he lets out another scream, so loud he’s sure the neighboring cars can hear him.
He’s done it.
Through the static of the radio, he hears your laughter, bright and unrestrained, and it’s the only sound that matters.
Jeonghan rolls into Parc Fermé with deliberate precision, the sound of his engine fading into silence as he pulls to a stop. His hands are shaking, his knuckles pale from the grip he’s maintained for the last grueling laps. The cockpit feels stifling, and yet he lingers for a second longer, the enormity of what’s just happened crashing over him like a wave.
He’s done it.
The realization leaves him breathless. His fingers fumble with the steering wheel as he pulls it free, his movements automatic even as his mind spirals. Around him, the world is chaos. Fans scream from the stands, the floodlights of Las Vegas painting the scene in stark gold and shadows. Through the static in his earpiece, his engineer’s voice is still ringing with elation, and he hears indistinct shouting from his crew, but it all blends into a distant roar.
All Jeonghan can think about is you.
He climbs out of the car, bracing his foot on the halo as he pushes himself upright. For a brief moment, he stands tall atop the machine, his body vibrating with adrenaline. His fists shoot into the air, and he lets out a triumphant yell, a sound ripped from deep within his chest. The Ferrari crew erupts in response, a sea of red swarming toward him, shouting his name, their arms outstretched in celebration.
But Jeonghan’s eyes are already searching, scanning the barriers beyond the chaos, darting from one face to another. He’s not looking for his engineers or the cameras or even his teammates. He’s looking for you.
And then he sees you.
You’re there, pressed against the barricade, your hands gripping the edge so tightly your knuckles are white. Your face is wet—tears streaming freely—but your smile is brighter than anything he’s ever seen. It’s disbelieving, joyous, and so achingly familiar that his breath catches in his throat.
In that moment, everything else fades away. The cheers of his team, the flashing cameras, the rules about protocol—none of it exists anymore.
Jeonghan jumps down from the car, tossing the wheel to a waiting mechanic, and tears at his helmet strap. The world around him is a blur of movement and noise—his team surging forward, the cameras flashing, the announcer’s voice booming overhead—but none of it registers. His helmet comes off with a sharp tug, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat as he grips the sleek surface in one hand and bolts toward you.
He’s moving before he realizes it, his boots pounding against the pavement as he cuts through the throng of people. The barricade draws closer, and the sight of you—your tear-streaked cheeks, your trembling shoulders—grounds him in a way nothing else could.
When he reaches you, he doesn’t stop.
His hands find you immediately. One curls around your neck, his palm warm and steady against your skin, while the other cups your face, his thumb brushing away the tears tracing paths down your cheek. His chest is still heaving, his breath ragged from the exertion of the race, but his touch is impossibly tender.
Your lips part, and your voice comes out in a trembling whisper, just loud enough for him to hear over the chaos. “Congratulations, pretty boy.”
It’s like the world holds its breath. For one fleeting second, it’s just the two of you. The noise of the paddock fades, the flashing lights dim, and all that remains is the quiet intimacy of your words.
Jeonghan’s lips curve into a smile so pure, so unrestrained, that it feels like sunlight breaking through a storm. “You love me,” he murmurs, his voice low and reverent. His forehead dips to rest against yours, his breath warm against your skin. “Yes or—”
You don’t let him finish.
Your arms shoot out, locking around his neck as you pull him down into a kiss. It’s desperate and dizzying, a culmination of everything left unsaid. Jeonghan freezes for the briefest of moments, his eyes widening, before melting into you entirely. His lips move against yours, soft but insistent, and the hand on your neck slides up to thread through your hair, holding you close as if you might disappear.
“Yes,” you whisper against his mouth, your voice breaking. Your hands fist in the front of his race suit, anchoring yourself as you press your forehead to his. “Yes. I love you.”
The barriers around you tremble as the Ferrari crew erupts in celebration, their cheers deafening. Jeonghan barely registers it. His fist shoots into the air, his lips still brushing against yours as he laughs—a sound full of pure, unrestrained joy.
“You’re my lucky charm,” he murmurs, his voice shaking with a mix of awe and certainty.
And when you smile back at him, it’s brighter than the floodlights, warmer than the victory.
EPILOGUE
FORMULA 1 ROLEX AUSTRALIAN GRAND PRIX 2024Track: Albert Park Grand Prix Circuit
The air at Albert Park hums with the kind of energy that only a new season can bring. The stands are packed, a sea of flags waving for drivers and teams, and the scent of freshly cut grass mingles with the faint tang of engine oil. It’s not quite spring yet, but the Melbourne sun still beats down relentlessly, leaving Jeonghan’s fireproofs clinging uncomfortably to his skin as he strides out of the Ferrari garage.
His mind buzzes with the aftermath of qualifying—P2 isn’t pole, but it’s close enough to feel like a promise. Yet, beneath the satisfaction, there’s the familiar tug of nerves that always follows a strong start. Tomorrow is what counts.
His publicist catches up to him, clipboard in hand. “Sky Sports first,” she says, her tone clipped but not unkind.
Jeonghan barely suppresses a groan, already knowing what awaits him. He doesn’t mind media—not entirely—but right now, his thoughts are miles away from answering questions about his out lap or tire degradation.
He rounds the corner into the media pen, where cameras are trained on bright logos and polished smiles. But his eyes find you immediately, waiting just behind the barricade, a microphone in hand, your hair catching the golden glow of the late afternoon sun.
You’re a vision.
He slows as he approaches, his publicist muttering instructions he doesn’t bother to hear. Your eyes catch his, and a secret smile spreads across your lips. He mirrors it, his heart lifting in a way that has nothing to do with his qualifying position.
Jeonghan leans against the barricade, his hands braced on the metal. It’s casual, nonchalant—a stark contrast to the spark simmering beneath the surface. As the questions begin, his fingers shift, brushing yours. The touch is featherlight, a soft sweep of skin against skin, but it’s enough to make his chest tighten.
The lanyard around your neck gleams in the sunlight, a stark reminder of how much had changed—and how much hadn’t. You’re still you.
And you’re wearing it.
The chain glints faintly against your skin, the two charms catching the light with each movement. One is the microphone, delicate and detailed, perfectly crafted. The other is his initial: J. Small, simple, yet undeniably his.
(You’d teased him endlessly when he gave it to you at Christmas. “Modest as always, aren’t you?” you’d laughed.
“Of course,” he’d replied, his voice low and teasing as he leaned into your hair. “One charm for your new job, because I’m so proud of you. And one for me, because I’m so amazing.”
“Two-time world champion,” you’d corrected, poking his ribs.
“Two-time world champion,” he’d agreed with a grin, pulling you into his arms.)
“Jeonghan,” you greet, a secret smile tugging at your lips.
The sound of his name on your lips—professional but laced with affection—sends a warmth through him that he doesn’t bother to hide. “Y/N,” he replies, his tone light but his eyes heavy with meaning.
The interview begins, your questions sharp and to the point. Jeonghan answers with his usual ease, the confidence that had earned him his titles. But he’s distracted, his focus flickering between your voice and the way your thumb absently brushes the microphone charm as you speak.
“You’re awfully cheerful for someone who only managed P2,” you tease, tilting your head slightly.
He leans closer, the faintest smirk tugging at his lips. “Just keeping it interesting. Wouldn’t want to win everything too easily.”
You roll your eyes, but the soft laugh that escapes you betrays your amusement.
The banter continues, each exchange laced with an undercurrent of warmth that only the two of you can fully understand. To anyone watching, it’s just another driver and journalist sharing a lighthearted moment. But to Jeonghan, it’s everything.
When the cameras finally cut, the energy between you shifts. He leans over the barricade without hesitation, his hands curling around the edge for balance as he dips his head toward you.
The first kiss is quick, a soft press of lips that feels like a punctuation mark to the conversation.
The second is slower, more deliberate, as if he’s savoring the fact that he can do this now.
The third lingers, his lips brushing yours with a tenderness that makes your breath catch.
“Jeonghan,” you murmur, glancing around with a mix of amusement and exasperation. But your grin is wide, and your cheeks are flushed, and he knows you’re not annoyed in the slightest.
“I love you,” he whispers, his voice so low it barely reaches you. His eyes are soft, his expression open in a way that’s reserved only for you.
Your hand finds his wrist, your fingers curling gently around it. “I love you too,” you reply, your voice steady, your gaze unyielding.
For a moment, the world around you fades—the bustling media pen, the hum of conversations, the clicking cameras. All that exists is the space between you, filled with unspoken promises and the quiet certainty of what comes next.
And as Jeonghan straightens, reluctantly stepping back into the whirlwind of his world, he knows he’s carrying a part of you with him—just as you carry a part of him. Always.
a/n: and that, was full throttle. i cannot express to any of you how proud i am of myself for finishing this. i think i spent more time deleting things on this doc than i did writing it and somehow, i fucking love the way this turned out. alta, kae, if you're reading this - thank you. from the bottom of my heart. this story would have never happened had it not been for the two of you motivating me to get this out of my head and onto a doc. you both inspire me every day and i am lucky that i had you on my side for this one.
#seventeen#svt smut#jeonghan smut#svthub#jeonghan x reader#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#keopihausnet#seventeen smut#jeonghan imagines#svt imagines#seventeen imagines#jeonghan x you#svt x you#seventeen x you#jeonghan scenarios#svt scenarios#seventeen scenarios#jeonghan fluff#jeonghan angst#svt fluff#svt angst#seventeen fluff#seventeen angst#jeonghan fanfic#svt fanfic#seventeen fanfic#tara writes#svt: yjh#thediamondlifenetwork
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ALRIGHT, let’s keep it REAL for a second. You know the drill—you're on your phone, thinking, "I'll just scroll for a minute," but then one TikTok turns into 20, and before you know it, you’ve wasted an hour or two, and your to-do list is still staring at you, untouched. We’ve all been there. You didn’t even mean to procrastinate, but somehow, scrolling has become your default LIKE UR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. Now you’re sitting there, realizing you’ve literally accomplished nothing, and you’re feeling the pressure creeping up. The guilt sets in, and suddenly the task seems way bigger than it actually is. It’s like time got stolen from you, but the problem is, you let it happen. And that’s okay—we’ve all been there, but let’s talk about how we can stop this cycle and get back on track.So how do we actually break this HABIT and get YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ? First, time-blocking is a solid strategy. HEAR ME OUT Don’t think you need to study for hours straight. Start small—set a timer for 20-30 minutes where you focus only on your homework, then take a 5-10 minute break. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done in those short bursts, and the breaks will keep you from feeling burned out. NEEEXT get your phone out of your face SERIOUSLY, put THAT SHIT it in another room or at least out of reach while you’re working the temptation to check social media is too strong, and if you don’t see it, you won’t even remember it’s there. Also, let’s be honest, a lot of us scroll because we’re avoiding something. So, try this: break your tasks into super small chunks. Instead of saying “I need to finish this whole chapter,” say “I’ll do the first page, then the next,” and slowly build from there. Turn off notifications, too. If you know a text or Instagram notification is going to pull you away from your work, MUTE THAT SHIT ! Your friends and memes can wait. And finally, remember YOUR FUCKING DREAMS UR GOAAALS LIKE GUUURL U WANT TO BE A RICH WORK FOR IIIIT ..When you're tempted to procrastinate, think about why you're putting in the work. Whether it’s to feel less stressed or to actually enjoy your weekends because you’ve gotten stuff done, reminding yourself of your end goal helps you push through the urge to scroll. So yeah, it’s not about being perfect—just about taking small steps every day. You don’t need to be working 24/7, but get focused when you need to, and trust me, you’ll see the difference !
© bᥣoom >.<
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Oracle!Reader Part 25
Masterlist - Part 1, Part 24
Warning! My au is yandere and can detail gore. This chapter doesn't but previous chapters do.
The setting sun against the soft orange and yellows of the sky was a beautiful sight.
The hot wind cooled down into a warm breeze as people leisurely walked home, while others rushed to finish last minute tasks.
Inside Xinyue Kiosk, a fairly busy staff was running around as the weekend always brought more customers.
The only room that didn't have staff running in and out of was a VIP seating set on the top floor. A beauty for sure, but no one other than the needed servers were allowed in.
Smoke was blown into the air between two imposing figures while waiters placed a variety of foods onto the wide circular table.
“You reported a successful mission, Yelan, and even got your payment.” Another inhale of tobacco through a pipe was followed with a lazy exhale. “Yet that Oracle still walks around without fear. I don't believe the revival of the deceased is possible just yet.”
Scoffing, Yelan popped another spicy appetizer into her mouth and let Ningguang wait for her answer.
“I said they were shot off a cliff and landed with a splatter on the ground. Should I have taken a picture with a Kamera as proof too?”
Ningguang’s claw-like nails tapped on the table as she hummed contemplatively. “I assume you'll resume your hunt to finish the job?”
“My, how perceptive of the Tianquan to guess that I, who was severely injured and recently humiliated by a foreign smart mouth, wouldn't correct my mistake.”
The glowing blue dice in Yelan's hands shatters as the strings pull it apart. The hydro particles sharpen back into string as she lazily followed it with her eyes.
Her confident and unfazed demeanor wasn't suited to her beat up appearance. Bandages hidden beneath her clothing made it bulky in odd places, while her hand was stuck in a cast after it was crushed by the Geovishaps.
“That's good and all, but are you even physically fit to track them down? I know Dr. Baizhu refused you from his pharmacy, and he's the only one capable of healing you fast enough for this.” Ningguang paused to feed herself a few bites of Tianshu meat with her chopsticks. “Not to mention, The Oracle was the one who was healed by him instead.”
“I see you enjoy rubbing salt in my wounds.” Unperturbed by Ningguang’s taunts, Yelan crossed her legs as more hydro lines wrapped around the striking scratches on her arms that were left to heal on their own.
“Not that I'm surprised by that. You always did have a sadistic streak. My rare failures are the highlight of your day.”
Pastel pink lips with a forming purple bruise at the corner were licked despite the pain as Yelan smiled.
“But pain doesn't stop me, you know as well as I do that it only strengthens me further. And I've had more than enough days to regain my energy.”
Concluding the conversation, Yelan pushes herself off the chair and turns away, with the snow-white coat swaying behind her.
The clink of Ningguang’s cup being set on the table was enough for Yelan to slow down. To pause just in time to hear-
“I don't want you to kill The Oracle.”
Yelan came to a full stop at that.
She had tried to ignore how calm Ningguang was throughout the whole meeting. She had tried to brush off the amount of food Ningguang ordered.
Furthermore, she even tried to not question Ningguang's change of vocabulary from calling Y/n ‘the faker’ to ‘the oracle’.
Ningguang only smiled politely, the exact way she knew Yelan despised, as the trinkets adorning the hydro user swayed.
“And no, this isn't a joke.” She never fucking thought it was a joke.
“You'll be able to keep your payment too.” She didn't want the damn payment.
Not a trace of fear could be seen in Ningguang’s maroon eyes that stared into emerald tones that never failed to invoke a chill in enemies.
The click of Yelan's heels were the only sound heard as the tassel attached to her collar bounced.
“Then why are you requesting me to stop my pursuit?” The white and gold of Ningguang's outfit clung to her body like second skin as she took her sweet time answering.
“I was a bit too hasty in my judgment. Something greater than us both showed me my error.”
Annoying.
That's how Yelan found Ningguang at times.
Like she was greater than the rest. As if the Jade Chamber she spent her time in above everyone else placed her above in all other areas as well.
“Are you claiming that Y/N truly is the Oracle? Can the mighty words of the Tianquin prove that alone?”
“Careful Yelan, this kind of outburst isn't like you. I said it was greater than us both.”
Ningguang picked up her cup again and nursed it delicately.
“I simply want you to at least temporarily stop you until I'm sure of what to believe. This is just business, don't take-”
“Yes, yes, I already understand. Don't take it personally.” Yelan had already cooled down at this point.
There was no use in getting worked up over this. Although it was upsetting to find that she failed this job, if the employer no longer wanted it, then she wasn't going to push for it.
Pride and personal feelings should never get mixed up in this line of work, after all.
“I'll reach out to you at a later date for your next commission.” A server placed a piping plate of Cured Pork Dry Hotpot on the table, slipping Ningguang a piece of paper. “Just be sure to give Y/N the correct instructions on how to get here.”
Yelan ignored the Tianquan’s words as she walked to the door. “While I won't take any revenge on Y/N, do not expect me to come running back for this mission when they are inevitably shown to be a scam artist.”
The thought of Ningguang of all people being scammed is absurd. The two words just didn't belong together.
“I'm not one of your employees. You're just a commissioner at the end of the day. You seem to forget that fact.” Green eyes met red as both women masked their own faces with polite sarcasm.
“Don't take it personally.” The soft click of the door being shut left Ningguang in silence, with only the outside's bustle of activity to accompany her.
Amusement was clear on Ningguangs face as she took another long inhale of the pipe.
“Yelan never changes.”
--------------------
You didn't have much time left.
The sun was beginning to get masked by incoming gray clouds that no one seemed to notice before now.
It was funny how the first droplets started to come down on the woman you were arguing with when you asked for the time.
A single request for the time devolved into an argument about how all foreigners were suspicious and that only Morax deserved the title of Archon.
It was typical that you ended up asking the local nut job for the time. What would she even be? Racist? Godist? Archonist?
Maybe it’s ethnocentrism.
So you just blindly believed that the dinner must be soon and left to the restaurant after watching a stream of water single her out and dump her with water.
A shame you couldn't enjoy it with how your stomach was cramped up from the upcoming meeting with Ningguang. You haven't been this nervous since your first meeting with your boss back on Earth.
It made sense. Both people were powerful, mysterious and used people without a second thought.
The chilly breeze slowed your heartbeat as Xinyue Kiosk came into view, approaching the stairs leading up to the entrance, you spotted a very familiar figure next to the waitress.
Not slowing down, you walk up the stairs as jade eyes lock onto you with malice on the verge of hatred. A tsk leaves Yelan’s lips before she turns back to the waitress while pointing at you. “This is the Tianquan’s guest. Lead them to the room.”
Nodding, the waitress waits for you as you move past Yelan who doesn’t spare you another glance. Just as you followed the waitress into the entrance, the rain began to pour without warning.
You just barely caught sight of Yelan slipping on the last step due to the rain as her wet hair stuck to her skin. The door closed before she could see your little smile at her ‘misfortune’.
It was a shame that Teyvat couldn’t help you in more meaningful ways, but these minor instances weren’t taken for granted either.
Following the waitress past multiple tables, you looked around it curiously. Usually the game just cuts straight to the room, so you never got a good look at the restaurant itself. Most of them looked to be regular customers with tables near each other.
Farther in, you could see a shift in the layout and type of customers. Larger tables with big gaps as the customers wore fancy clothing clearly made of high quality silk and cotton. A table with blue hair caught your eye the most.
A bored looking Xingqiu sat next to an older man with navy blue hair. His hair was tied in the most pitiful ponytail you’ve ever seen, but at least his fancy suit looked nice.
It took you a bit but you finally remembered it as the skin from the 4.4 Lantern Rite event. You almost missed how Xingqui noticed your presence and excitedly waved at you before his father began to scold him.
Smiling apologetically, you gave a brief wave back before following the waitress up the stairs. Just how much further was Ningguang’s room? It couldn’t have been cheap, that's for sure…
It wouldn’t be that uncomfortable to walk all this way if people could stop staring at you. Half the restaurant had to be giving you a side eye harsh enough to kill as you walked by.
Stopping at a door the waitress pulled it open as thunder roared outside giving a brief flash of white behind the window frame. Licking your lips, you entered the room while the door shut behind you with a soft click.
“I’m glad to see you’ve made time to meet me, Y/n.” The voice of the source of your stress and anxiety was sweet, if not seductive. Moving your eyes from the fresh plates of food to Ningguang who sat at the head of the table, you smiled sharply.
“You make it sound like I had a choice in the matter.” Striding forward, you took a seat on the opposite side of the table and helped yourself to the food. If you were going to die, you’d rather it be quick and with no regrets.
“I apologize for any inconvenience my request may have caused you. I’m sure many people have wanted to speak to you after your unfortunate encounter with Yelan and Miss Shenhe.” Wow, she wasn’t even trying to be subtle.
Taking your sweet time to chew and swallow your food, you leave Ningguang waiting until finally opening your mouth. “Why don’t you skip the sarcastic pleasantries? I already know your true colors, do you think the Creator is as stupid as you are?”
Fuck being nice and polite. She wants to treat you like some dumb foreigner that has no clue on the connections she holds? Then she can handle you acting like the annoyed and irritated person you currently are.
The smiles you both wear are mirror images of each other, the slightest downward tick of her lips showing her displeasure was far too easy to mimic.
“Then that makes things easier for both of us. Do you know why I invited you here to speak with me, Y/n?”
Again, you leave her waiting for your answer as you pick a few more dishes and savor the flavors. The dishes were wonderful, no doubt about that but…
You missed the taste of the hotpot you shared with the Kamisato’s more.
“I had assumed it was an apology for sending Yelan on me like a bloodhound. But perhaps you were just after certain pieces of information that I might hold.” Your mind wandered back to Beidou who had spoken to Ningguang after you gave that prophecy to Beidou on the Crux.
Although it felt like ages ago, it’s been less than a month since you left the Crux. From what you could recall, the prophecy you gave the crew was that all the monsters, Leylines and other strange behaviors were due to the Creator returning.
Thinking back on it, you did largely gloss over the details to avoid being caught in your lie. Maybe that’s why Ningguang wanted you alive? After all, your words couldn’t be taken lightly after what happened with the Geovishap hatchlings. But she did send Yelan after that incident so unless she was late on hearing the situation, which was frankly impossible, she must have got some new evidence-
“Well, not quite, but it’s related so why don’t you listen to me before casting any judgment?” As if she was anyone to talk but interrupting her wasn’t worth it. Not when you could potentially find something useful.
Ningguang barely touches the food as you scarf it down like a man starved. Instead, she takes a long sip of her tea, purposefully leaving you waiting. Talk about petty, you think to yourself sarcastically as she sets her cup down.
“Recently I had a very unusual dream, I’ve had it once before but in a much different context.” A plain soup is stirred lazily as she stares down at the rippling liquid, she looks pensive with eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. “Rex Lapis appeared to me the night that Yelan reported a job completed. Now, isn’t that strange?”
You didn’t stop or slow down your chewing as your heart thundered in your chest. Zhongli really appeared in Ningguang’s dream again?! This had to have been what he was telling you earlier about thanking him.
Should you thank him with a smile or a slap for making things more complicated? It’d be easier to decide later.
With Ningguang’s expectant ruby eyes on you, you shrugged your shoulders with an easy smile. “Is it that strange? The Oracle of the Creator that we all worship had just been shot down by the orders of the Qixing that are from his own region. It would be an insult to the Creator to not step in.”
An amused hum leaves Ningguang as she listens to your words. Still not touching her soup, she set her utensils down to fold her hands. “Rex Lapis did not speak to me the first time he appeared to me. But this time he did, only saying one sentence. Can you guess what it is?”
The urge to roll your eyes at the predictable question was strong but your self-control was stronger. “It would be confirmation of me being the Oracle, of course. Anything else would be blasphemous.”
“Do not be bewitched by novelties.”
The absurd and out of place words earned Ningguang your undivided attention. Your mouth opened to portray your shock and confusion, but your lips quirked to the side at the last moment in a disbelieving smile.
“Are you trying to say that, that sentence is what the Geo Archon said?”
“It is indeed.” Oh, you were going to smack Zhongli after this, screw the consequences! “I believe it’s safe to assume that he was talking about you.” A black gloved hand with gold claw like pieces attached were outstretched to you as she smiled down at you.
“It’s just as you said, ‘It would be an insult to the Creator to not step in’ when someone is claiming to be connected to our All Mighty Creator only to be proven false. ‘Anything else would be blasphemous’ no?”
Wow, you were right to hate Ningguang. Her smile became as sharp as her nails as you relaxed back in your chair. You couldn’t give her anymore ammo. Any sign of hesitation, nervousness, or even a waiver of emotional instability is all she needed to corner you.
In fact, this could all be a bluff! Zhongli truly believed you to be the Oracle, after all. Chances are that Ningguang altered Zhongli’s message to test you. Zhongli wouldn’t betray you, he wouldn’t…
Would he?
“And how am I supposed to blindly believe your words? After all, the first time Morax came to your dream you claimed that despite how much you wanted to tell him, you couldn’t say a single word.”
But it seems your reply was just a tad too late, as the heavy pounding of boots on wood flooring came from behind you. Pulling your eyes from blood-red ones to the Millelith guards now behind you, a hand grabs your hair and pushes you down.
The crack of the plates breaking and cutting into your jaw is only overshadowed by the food smearing your mask and skin. The humiliation is what really gets you riled up, but you swallow it down in favor of looking back to the modernized embodiment of mora herself.
“Is this really necessary? I wasn’t even getting up from my seat.” There’s a slight growl to your words that you don’t bother to mask as Ningguang lets her gaze move from you to the guards.
“They have a point. Release them, I only told you to use force if they display hostility.” Ningguang’s tone of voice is even, and not the usual professional kind. The soldier’s grip tightens for a brief, painful moment, before finally letting go and stepping back.
“My sincerest apologies for my misconduct, Lady Ningguang.” The soldier that touched you bowed to Ningguang as you glared at him. “But I implore you to take my reasoning into consideration.”
Pushing away the now destroyed dishes as a few servers cleaned up the mess, you listened halfheartedly to the soldier. “This person - no, this thing is the one responsible for the kidnapping and subsequent death of the most vulnerable children in this region.”
Blatantly, you sneered at the soldier while wiping off the food from your face. How dare he, a full-blown soldier no doubt trained to protect Liyue Harbor, accuse you of being the kidnapper when you were the one who saved them?!
Every soldier that you met when information gathering was more useless than the last!
Ningguang knew the truth, Xingqiu and Chongyun both told you how the Qixing were aware that you were the actual hero. Whipping your head to her, you stared at her to see just what answer she would give.
“Even still, disobeying my orders is enough cause for punishment. Return to the Ministry of Civil Affairs and have them send a different guard who can follow orders rather than emotions.”
The guard slumped at the scolding and glared bitterly at you, as you flipped him off in return. While watching him stomp away, you cursed Ningguang out internally.
She definitely knew the truth but was purposefully keeping her statements vague. Almost as if she was entertaining the idea of you being the one responsible.
“I want you two to guard the door so Y/n doesn’t escape during this conversation. Do not make the same mistake as Zhenhai.”
It was her.
Ningguang’s the one who spread that rumor that’s messing up your reputation. You should have guessed it earlier. Only she could have the intelligence to figure out the truth, the connections to spread her lie, and the power to make it have a physical effect.
But why? What did she gain from it?
Lost in thoughts and possibilities, you didn’t notice how Ningguang observed you. Beige strands rest on her shoulders to flow down her back till the ashen tips pool on her seat. Yet the blood-red of her eyes shine with something akin to fascination as she watches your fingers thrum against the wooden table.
What a delight for the eyes.
The silence is interrupted by the door opening and fake cat ears come into view. A new soldier closes the door behind the Yueheng before standing guard as she takes a seat without asking.
“I hope I’m not too late. It seems my invitation to this crucial dinner got lost in the journey.” Keqing began with a pointed look at Ningguang.
Smiling, Ningguang greeted Keqing in a pleasant but professional manner. “What an unfortunate result. At least you were able to attend now, hm? They are bringing out golden shrimp balls soon too.”
Judging by the slight twitch in Keqing’s demeanor, you can tell that she was simultaneously both annoyed and grateful. What a shame, you could have used her annoyance towards Ningguang.
“A pleasure to meet you once again Y/n, Yun Jin was very thankful for your quick and efficient help.” Smiling once you’re addressed, you nod and squeeze your hands together under the table.
Yun Jin’s name still shot a vague feeling of displeasure through your body. And Keqing acting like it was nothing only further enhanced it.
“Her show was magnificent. I’m glad she was able to successfully perform that day.” Waiters and waitresses brought out some more drinks and refilled Ningguang’s tea without interrupting as you began to speak.
“Let’s not beat around the bush any longer. Keqing, you joined us here to help conclude whether I’m truly an Oracle or not, right?”
Ningguang watched coolly as Keqing’s smile relaxed into nothingness, while her stare became firm. “That is correct. But please, focus on what Ningguang brought up first concerning her dream gifted by Rex Lapis. I’ll be making my own judgment by the end of this dinner.”
Nodding, you shrug your shoulders and twirl your cup without looking at it. “That seems fair. The outcome will be the same regardless.” The confidence behind your eyes is shown in the way you smile and relax into your seat.
“Ningguang, you still haven’t answered my question as to why I should even believe your dream even happened and if so, whether those words are what Morax said. But I’ll let it go for now and focus on something else for the moment.”
Jabbing a thumb behind you at the silent guard, you speak with a mock curious tone. “Just why in the world are people assuming that I’m the one that kidnapped the children when I was the one who saved them?”
Magenta eyes meet red before both pairs turn to you. “And please don’t treat me like a fool.” Resting your cheek on your palm, you sweetly spoke with a threat lingering in your words. “I already know that Ganyu couldn’t convince you both to think it was her who saved them.”
Ningguang sighs as if disappointed in your demeanor while setting her cup down. “The official details on the commission you took on are under wraps, just as the contract requires.” She looks down on you with her calm refusal as she finishes. “The Liyue Qixing isn’t responsible for what circulates and twists when it comes to word of mouth.”
You refuted her excuse just as fast. “I wasn’t asking the Qixing or the Tianqiuan. I was asking Ningguang.” Using your fingers, you begin to count the different instances of hostility.
“I’ve had people insult me, ignore me, discriminate against me, gossip behind my back and just as you saw before, even go as far as to be violent. If I went to Yanfei with this case against your personal guard Zhenhai I’m sure I could get a good settlement and put some bad light on you. Not anything serious, but surely annoying for you and the Qixing.”
Ningguang cleverly disguises her huff of irritation as her blowing steam off her tea, but you were just a little more observant than she gave you credit for.
“Should I even bring up how almost every medical equipment possible was either sold out or out of stock? The coincidence of it happening just as I was released from Bubu’s Pharmacy is a little too much to believe-”
“You’re still doing that Ningguang?” Keqing cuts you off accidentally to send an exasperated glare at Ningguang who only looked at her coldly in return. It seems you found something interesting to use. “It’s one thing to make my favorite dish out of stock, but it’s another to keep a medical necessity out of reach.”
“So I was right to believe that this was also your doing Ningguang?” You said with a laugh as Keqing looked confusedly between you and Ningguang who nearly glowered at you. “You didn’t tell Keqing either? Isn’t that just swell, I’ll fill her in on it while you prepare your excuse.”
The way Ningguang bristled at your insult filled you with spiteful pleasure. Turning to Keqing who gave you a wary look, you began to explain with a smirk. “It seems, while I was being hunted down by Yelan under Ningguang’s orders, the high and mighty Tianquin took it upon herself to ruin my reputation with her lies. You do remember interrogating Ganyu about who rescued the kidnapped children?”
“Yes…” Keqing answers with a suspicious glare as the servers placed fresh food on the table. Just how many damn servings did Ningguang order? “How did you even know-ah it must have been those boys.”
Knowing exactly who Keqing was referring to, you just nod while piling more food onto your plate. “Well the rumor about me being the one to spread it was being perpetuated during my absence and truly came to a head when I finally returned to Liyue Harbor. I have a certain Lady Ningguang to thank for it.” You sneered while pointing at her.
Keqing’s eyes widened as she listened to you, certain things must have been made clear to her too. “That explains why so many people came asking for an explanation on the Geovishap Hatchling incident.” Holding her chin with a pensive expression, she continued. “It also provides a good reasoning as to why you pushed me to give that public response even when our evidence was still shaky.”
… Why did you get a bad feeling at that?
Just what kind of statement was released?
With a fixed forced smile you stare at Ningguang who frowns at you before chuckling. “There isn’t any more reasoning for me to stay silent on the matter. Calm yourself Keqing, you as well Y/n.”
Folding her hands on her lap, Ningguang stared you down as she began. “Yes, I did create and encourage the rumor of you being the true mastermind behind the kidnapping. You were already beginning to become well known by the people considering how close you are to certain people and due to the false prophesy you shared with Captain Beidou.”
“Not false, my prophecy is very much true-”
“And while I am happy to have the children saved, we can’t let you walk around spreading lies about your identity, position and relation to the Creator. Especially after the Geovishap Hatchling incident showing just dangerous you are.”
“I didn’t have anything to do with the hatchlings. I was just as stunned as everyone else.” It’s a weak argument with no evidence showing otherwise, but you couldn’t let them slap that offense on you.
“The statement released about you was connected to the hatchlings.” Keqing cut in with a grimace. “From what we can gather based off your past actions and achievements, you having the ability to puppeteer monsters is the most likely outcome, and we told the public as much.”
Shit.
They were so far off yet closer than anyone else.
“I can’t and didn’t command those Geovishaps. Even if I could, what would I gain from ordering them to do so? It puts suspicion on me. I have no motive, and it was defamation to single me out and slander me in such a way without evidence.”
Turning back to Ningguang you asked with clenched fists nearly trembling with anger. “You haven’t explained everything. What was your goal in mind with vilifying me? Just damaging my reputation is not reason enough to spend precious time and resources on me.”
The food was beginning to grow cold, but you didn’t have the appetite to eat anymore. Ningguang didn’t look at you, but the humor she previously had was nowhere to be found.
“It’s a shame that someone as sharp as you is using their skills for such sad and disappointing reasons.”
“There is nothing to be ashamed of by being the Creator’s Oracle, no matter what trial and tribulations I must face.” Wow, you even impressed yourself with how serious and authentic you sounded.
“So you say.” Lithe fingers took out her pipe and leisurely left you waiting as you stared at her. Only after blowing it into your face did she finish. “What do you think would have happened if the foreigner with such a charismatic presence was suddenly found dead after rescuing children? How do you think the public would have reacted?”
Mind racing at her words, the surrounding setting seemed to fade away as your ears only picked up on Ningguang’s words.
“Now imagine they appear back in the city, injured but alive to tell the tale. Influential people and the like come to visit as their good deeds are spread within the city. A fresh face on the scene with information that even extended to knowing about private conversations I’ve had. How many people with grudges too high and old to handle alone would come, offering a helping hand, a mutual beneficial contract that could help the ‘wronged’ foreigner?”
“Haha… Hahaha!” You’re laughing before you know it. A hand on your mouth, grinning so wide that it could break your face in half. Keqing’s surprised expression as she eats and Ningguang’s stoic expression are barely processed as you keep laughing.
It’s all so funny.
It’s all so fucking absurd.
You weren’t even greatly physically impacted by the lies. It was more like drops of water into a bucket for you.
But that bucket was already on the verge of overflowing and there was no hole for you to drain the water.
The fact that Ningguang needed to lie and make such stupid leaps of logic to libel you just so that the aftermath of your death wasn’t a hassle was simultaneously hilarious and pitiful. Adding in the extra benefit of it forcing you into a corner where no one would be willing to help you was just that to her.
An extra benefit.
Maybe normal people would fall for the lies and not want to associate with you, but people of higher status would know better. They could tell when someone is being purposefully lied about. It was like an invisible mark on you, telling everyone that trying to help you was making an enemy of Ningguang.
That would explain why Xingqiu and Chongyun were suddenly pulled away by their families. All to corner you to being forced to meet Ningguang, forced to accept whatever accusation she wants to slap on you.
“You really are a piece of shit.” You said with a grin once your laughing slowed to a stop.
Ningguang really mustn’t have expected it as her face visibly contorted into shock and her pipe slipped from her fingers. It’s understandable.
Most people in your position would already be begging for mercy, but even those who had more pride and fight would just go on a tirade and rage. To any outsider, you were far too calm for your position.
Besides, who would ever dare disrespect the Tiantquian not only to her face but right in front of the Yuheng too?
“Since you finished saying your piece, I’ll begin saying mine too. It’s clear that you don’t want to see reason or the truth for what it is.” Standing up, you push your seat away as the guards suddenly come to attention. “Since you don’t want to admit that I’m the Oracle, why don’t we focus on Liyue as a whole?”
With hands behind your back, you casually walked around the table closer to Ningguang as she put her hand up to stop the guards. “Let’s start with the kidnapping case. Not only were the soldiers useless in almost every aspect, both within and outside the city, but they also can’t even distinguish petty problems from the serious ones.”
Stopping behind Ningguang you looked straight at the guards as you asked. “What’s more important? Chasing down rouge kidnappers or chasing a musician without a permit?” Both soldiers opened their mouth to answer, but Ningguang stopped them with a wave.
“This has nothing to do with the topic on hand. Stop avoiding your own faults and sins, Y/n.” She raised her cup to her lips as she looked at you with a turn of her head.
“Oh, but it does. It has everything to do with all the points you brought up.” Your hand snatched the cup from her opposite side as she glared indignantly at you. Keqings muffled laughter only made you grin wider as you returned to your seat. “This city has a lot of problems, but I am not one of them.”
“The fact that no one was willing to help me aside from Xingqiu and Chongyun, who both know me to be the Oracle, truly says a lot on how you and the Qixing run this city.” Sitting back down, you place the cup in the middle of the table, just out of her reach.
“So how could I not find it insulting that I, the only person to accept this commission, the driving force behind the operation, ended up the one taking the blame for it all. All for what exactly? To corner me when you didn’t even have proper reasoning to corner me in the first place?”
“We have every right to-”
“Shut the fuck up.” You snapped with a clearly disgusted face. Ningguang wasn’t as shocked this time and sneered right back at you. Honestly, you envied Keqing the most, who was pleasantly eating the golden shrimp balls while watching you both.
“You heard multiple varying information about me and continuously chose to listen to the ones that painted me in the worst light possible. Yet instead of conducting your own investigation, instead of relying on chance encounters, you sent out Yelan to deal with me, basically leaving her to deal her own judgement on me.” Throwing your hands up in the air, you nearly yell at Ningguang. “Who the hell fed only the bad information on me! Did you even tell her about how Beidou vouched for me? Or about how Beisht listened to me?”
“Yelan has all the skills, qualifications, and experience necessary to do a thorough investigation and choose an accurate judgement. You’re free to take it up with her if you want to continue pleading your case.”
This wasn’t going anywhere. It was like talking to a brick wall. A very judgmental and snarky brick wall.
It seems you’ll have to resort to it after all.
“Yet out of all the crimes you could possibly pin me with, it’s the one on the case that I solely took on that you chose? Is it because you knew that no one in this damned city would give a shit about them? Because you knew that while no one wanted to take on the responsibility of acknowledging and helping the homeless, everyone would be more than happy to blame someone tangible for it?”
Ningguang faltered at that, it was brief but present.
“Or do you really hate your origins to that extent? Do you loathe the homeless that you once stood beside?”
Thunder roared outside as your words were spoken. The look on her face veered off the edge of hatred and into murder. The metaphorical slap your words provided weren’t to be taken lightly after all.
Perfect straight teeth dug into her lips as her nails dug into her hands, uncaring for how the blood stained her black gloves till even her gold pieces shined with it.
What a delight to behold.
“How dare you bring up this topic-”
If you can’t reach her level of perfection.
“Spreading this level of nonsense, just how-”
Her level of composure.
“Do you feel no shame-”
“Do you not feel any shame? I’m not the one who left and never looked back.”
Then you’d simply need to drag her down to yours.
“I have done no such thing!” The table shakes when Ningguang slams her hands down on it, making Keqing quickly lift her plate off as the more precarious plates fell off and shattered.
Grinning, you point and laugh at her, blatantly mocking her as she flushes with embarrassment.
“You really are shameless, aren’t you? Floating around in your mobile home like a constant beacon of wealth and success. How do you think people feel when they see you up there? Do you think they look on with awe and envy?”
Standing up too, you rest your hands on the table to lean closer. “Or are you aware how all they can see is a symbol of the selfishness and a reminder of how mora can change a person?”
“It bothers you that no one even acknowledged how much of it sacrifice it was to you to give up the first Jade Chamber. Let alone be willing to do it again with its successor.”
Ningguang’s shaky breath before she sits back down as you mirror her actions is as satisfying as you imagined it. Especially when she no longer focuses on the main topic to instead defend herself. “I’m not and will never be ashamed of my beginnings. I have always kept the past in my mind and actions.”
“Then why did it take an outsider like me to accept the commission to save a girl to save a whole group of homeless kids that we were what? Not missing? Not important enough for the Millelith to get involved in?”
“Should I even mention the underbelly of the docks? Where all the shady deals, vagrant and poverty-stricken people live?” Clapping slowly, you finish with a sarcastic tone. “I have to hand it to you, you really know how to hide them from the public.”
If you were completely honest, you knew Ningguang wasn’t that bad of a person. She was the epitome of a capitalist, and it wasn’t her responsibility to care for every homeless person in Liyue Harbor.
Some people really did put themselves in their situations after all.
“There's nothing I can do for those who do not wish to be saved. Even if they aren't accepting of my help, I still do my part as the Tianquan to keep Liyue running for those who do want to accept my help.”
Food sitting forgotten on the table and Keqing discreetly ordering another plate of golden shrimp balls, not a soul dared to intervene in the growing argument between you and Ningguang.
“So by fixing the problem on the surface, your job is done? The ones who actually need help and want to better their lives are shoved in a corner to rot with the actual bad apples for the next Tianquian to deal with?”
“Twisting my words and shoving even more in my mouth to ‘win’ this argument isn’t the best idea.”
“Don’t get so offended Ningguang, all leaders are like you. Some even worse.” A few political figures from Earth flash in your mind as you speak. Sighing, you refocus back to Teyvat, knowing that your words would be too confusing if you tried to use anyone from Earth.
“Take the glorious Raiden Shogun or whatever other titles she uses.” Sarcasm coated your words as you spoke with a drawl. “Vagrants, the Nobushi and Kairagi are suffering from addictions, diseases and more without aid. Once well respected samurai that fell for one reason or another are left to suffer and commit crimes. Dying by their diseases, stealing from the poor and worse crimes are committed with the only outcomes being to die by the hands of defenders or by Tenryou soldiers.”
In your eyes, Inazuma was a mess. So many people died on the islands separate from Narukami Island. The vagrants were a constant and growing threat, most of the actual problems were solved by the traveler, yet the shogun picked a needless war that resulted in nothing but pain.
Just how did this conversation derail from being about you being the oracle to this? It was tiring and at this point you nearly wanted to give in and just leave.
“Are you saying that you find Liyue better simply due to how it treats its people?” Ningguang asked, the slight smile on her face made you suspicious.
“Liyue isn’t better. Liyue is a standard, and Inazuma is just failing horribly in comparison. But who knows? Maybe in a few decades, it can compare to Sumeru who only recently got their God.”
“So what of the people in Inazuma? Are the Tri-Commision as bad as the Shogunate?”
“Despite the obvious bribery in both the Tenryou and Kanjou Comission, they do, do their damn job, The Yashiro Comission even goes above and beyond in comparison. They’re the reason Inazuma hasn’t lost its entire population.”
“So if you’re really the Oracle then how do you plan to help them?” Ningguang asks it in an analytical tone. As if she plans on judging your ‘plans’ when she’s the fucking Tianqiuan.
“I don’t need to make any plans. I don’t have a position in Teyvat.” The retort comes with a little bite to your tone.
“You seem so certain that you’re the Oracle that I wanted to hear what your plans were for having that position.”
Did she believe that you made up this position for your own benefit? Well yes, yes you did, but certainly not for the financial benefit she seems to be imagining. “Let me straighten something out for you, Ningguang, Cause for as high and mighty you believe yourself to be, you don’t know everything. I’m not the traveler. My job isn’t to bend over backwards to do your job, it’s to prophecy about matters concerning the Creator. If the Creator told me about Liyue’s destruction and ordered me to stay silent, I would happily do so and watch every citizen drown without batting an eye, understand?”
Whatever reaction you were expecting didn’t happen as Ningguang began to laugh. But it wasn’t the mocking or condescending laughter she had before. Instead, she seemed truly amazed or even relieved.
“I understand now. I can now accept you as the Oracle by my own judgment, too.”
The confusion and slight perturbation at her words must have been on your face as she slowed her laughter to a mere chuckle.
“I apologize for what I’m about to tell you. You remember the dream I had concerning Rex Lapis? Well, I may have twisted his words for my own cause.”
You were fucking right, but you couldn’t even enjoy it, since it took you nearly an hour to get to this point in the conversation.
“If you weren’t the Tianquin, you would be in some serious legal trouble Ningguang. I can name at least 3 different laws you almost broke.” Keqing surprisingly spoke up at this moment. Honestly, you had forgotten about her, not that she seemed to mind.
“You can scold Ningguang after she enlightens me to what his true message was. How much mora should I bet that he was confirming me as the oracle?” Ignoring the snark, Ningguang clears her throat before snapping her fingers and motioning to the dirty plates on the table. The workers took the plates away before she dramatically rested her elbows on the now cleared table.
“Not every bewitching novelty is meant to cause harm, some lead to everlasting contracts.”
Maybe you should still punch Zhongli, what kind of help was that supposed to be?! Couldn’t he be direct rather than poetic?!
“That message was vague but clear enough for me to link it to you. Thus, I decided to invite you here to see if you really did deserve the title of Oracle and whether we could trust you or not.”
What a load of bullshit-
“I agree with Ningguang on this. While many things seemed suspicious concerning you, this conversation was helpful for us to see your real motives and future actions.”
And of course Keqing had to agree with the smirking vixen, making you calmly nod in response. This whole dinner felt like a haze to you at least point.
Not only did you have to prove that being an Oracle was real, attack Ningguang on several personal points and proceed with many, many leaps in logic. Just to find out, that she fucking knew the truth all along!
You weren’t even going to get compensation for all the troubles she caused, either.
It was clear to you why no one wanted to mess with Ningguang outside the usual bankruptcy. She was too annoying and petty as hell for anyone to want to deal with.
“I recognize that I did you a disservice by having Yelan investigate you before this dinner. For that, I do apologize and even have an offer for you.”
If it wasn’t money or connections, you didn’t want it.
“I’ll provide you with monetary compensation as long as you give a detailed speech and answer questions about the Creator’s return in my ‘mobile home’ as you called it.”
“If you didn’t know or remember, my presence and journey here is supposed to be discreet-”
“How does 5 million mora sound to start?”
… Maybe Ningguang wasn’t that bad after all.
“When do I have to give this speech? If it’s just the members of the Qixing, I’ll do it, but not publicly.”
Distantly you can hear Keqing sigh as Ningguang smiled pleasantly at you but you couldn’t hear it over the imaginary clinking of mora coming into your bag.
Money is what forced you to accept Ningguang’s offer for dinner. Much like on Earth, money is power.
It's done, it's finished and I'm even more tired then before. My last chapter was when my semester was ending and my new chapter is just as my semester is going to start. Please blame my job, my bills and Sandrock for the reason behind why this one took so long. I've been writing small things, mostly on Wattpad since it's just easy, but I feel like my writing style is constantly changing. Or it's just me again. But whatever the case, I've just been doing that to not get too rusty. Ningguang is hard to write for, mostly in relation to the reader rather then with other people. Not sure why, it just feels that way. It was a struggle to end the conversation with her but ultimately it works. Ningguang is just too canonically powerful to not have the upper hand in every way. Even still this chapter was also hard to write because I had to use so much thinking and planning to keep things consistent not only to the game but also to the other chapters. My au isn't one of extreme violence so I'm aware that it's harder to become engaged or see how threatening this version of Teyvat is. Quick update before I post, I either will answer everything or nothing as my youngest cat might need to go into surgery soon. The little vacuum ate metal while I was at work and the vet already said that if he does get surgery he might not make it.
Taglists is open as always and hopefully won't be struck down by Tumblr! [Tumblr made some changes to the tagging system so I'm not sure if it's working like before. If your name is there and not in italics yet you weren't tagged then let me know.]
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#whisp's amateur work#sagau oracle au#genshin sagau#genshin impact#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin x reader#yandere#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#yandere ningguang#yandere keqing#I thought I made that tag?#genshin impact sagau#sagau x reader#sagau cult au#sagau#oracle au#yandere genshin imagines#yandere x reader#me just bashing inazuma in the last half#I feel like the inazuma archon quests needs to be revamped#but woohoo! Natlan!#I really hope the tags work
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ignorance is bliss — k. tsukishima
a/n: he's so silly i wanna take a 0.5 of him
you never thought in a million years that you'd have a picture on your phone of your boyfriend—your sweet but sour, sometimes asshole-ish (lovingly) boyfriend—cuddled up with your stuffed animal, but here we are.
tsukishima had come over late to study and, naturally, that meant he was spending the night. you could tell from the moment he called you saying that he was on his way that he was exhausted, but you knew he'd never tell you that. even when his yawns broke the comfortable silence of pens scratching and fingers typing along a laptop keyboard, he still didn't give in. it took you looking at the clock reading 1:47AM and reminding him that you guys had all weekend to study together before he finally accepted his fate, changing his clothes and settling onto your bed as you went in the bathroom to get unready.
"oh, and tomorrow we need to review chapter 36 and 37, since we didn't get to them tonight. you have your test on wednesday, right?"
no answer. you turn off the water faucet, wiping your hands on the towel as you listened for him. now that you've thought about it, you hadn't heard more than a quiet "mhm..." from him since you first started talking.
you turned off the light, adjusting your sleep shirt as you stepped out of the bathroom and into your bedroom. quietly, you walked over to where he lay on the bed, finding him still.
"kei?" you tested. no answer again—he was out. you smiled as you heard soft snores coming from him; that smile became even bigger as you watch him stir in his sleep, wrapping his arms around the dinosaur jellycat he'd gotten you for your birthday and pulling it close to him.
trying to make as little noise as possible, you turn and grab your phone off the nightstand; this moment needed photo evidence, otherwise you knew your boyfriend would deny it ever happened. what you didn't realize, however, was that your flash was on, meaning that the moment you snapped that 0.5 in the blonde's face, he jumped, his whole body waking up and moving away from the stuffed animal he was so adorably holding moments ago.
you couldn't help but laugh, a hand going over you mouth as you watched him slowly sit up and look at you with a both sleepy and slightly surprised expression. you felt bad for waking him up so suddenly, but that was quickly suppressed by the humor you found in his reaction.
"what the hell were you doing? what's so funny?" he was used to your antics, but it didn't stop him from questioning you.
you looked down at your phone and smiled. you'd gotten the perfect picture, even if you had woken him up for it. you decided you wouldn't say anything to him about it for tonight, keeping this to yourself. you turned your phone off, setting it back down on the nightstand before moving to get into bed.
"no, no, it's nothing. i'm sorry i woke you up, though. if it helps any, you looked adorable." you laughed out, kissing his cheek as you settled next to him.
aside from his face slightly reddening, kei didn't say anything, just shuffled over to make room. he knew you were lying, his eyes narrowing in the dark, but he was too tired to give a damn about what you were lying about. watching you for a moment, he sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes as he muttered something along the lines of "blinding me with your freakin' flash." he reached across you a bit and set them on the nightstand.
he then moved to lay down in the bed, pulling you down with him as he settled back to sleep. he laid on his back, an arm around you as you laid at his side.
"it doesn't, but thanks. now sleep."
his eyes were already closing, a yawn finishing his sentence. he muttered a good night to you, kissing the crown of your head before letting out a sigh, grateful to finally be resting—for real this time.
you knew that in the morning, he'd probably have more questions about what was really happening, but for right now you let him drift off. you soon followed after, the only sounds in the room being the steady breathing between the two of you.
as soon as you could, that picture was gonna be your phone's home screen. but for now, ignorance was bliss.
katsu2ji © 2024. please don't copy, modify, or do anything of the sort with my work! i work very hard and you simply do not have my permission.
#⋆.˚ s writes!#— hq!#haikyuu#hq fluff#hq#hq x reader#hq x you#hq tsukki#hq tsukishima#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu x you#kei tsukishima#haikyuu tsukishima#haikyuu tsukki#tsukkishima kei#tsukishima kei#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima fluff#tsukishima x you#tsukki#haikyuu fic
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Biggest Fan - CS55
A/N - I decided to turn the Biggest Fan SMAU I did for Charles last week into a mini series where I use the same idea but with a different driver and different occupations. Please vote at the end of the chapter!
Carlos Sainz x Author! reader
Face Claim: Alex Aster
Carlos Sainz Insta Story
Youruser: How did you come into the office without me noticing?!
carlossainz55: you were quite focused
landonorris: I better get my copy! I've been itching to read
carlossainz55: Didn't even realize you knew how to read landonorris: you fucking muppet
user1: She's literally the cutest! I can't wait to read her new book!
user2: I just know this book is gonna be amazing!
charlesleclerc: Alex says she absolutely loves the book and thank you so much for an early copy
carlossainz55: I just told her and she squealed. She said Alex is her new favorite person
Twitter
Youruser Insta Story
user10: I loved meeting you! You are one of the sweetest humans ever!
youruser: thank you for coming out and supporting!
user11: I wanted to go so bad... fuck living in the US
carlossainz55: I loved being there! Who knew so many people loved you almost as much as me
youruser: I guess I'm irresistible
user12: I just finished and let me just say... Absolutely amazing book! Your best one yet
landonorris: I didn't realize how good your book would be! Made the flight back home after the race go by so fast!
Carlos Insta Story
youruser: Thank you for being there with me every step of the way
carlossainz55: I wouldn't miss your first book signing for the world!
user13: She's so beautiful in person! I took wouldn't be quiet about dating her!
charlesleclerc: Can't believe you wouldn't let us come!
carlossainz55: I wasn't gonna take away from her moment! Bad enough people knew who I was. I didn't need you and Lando there too charlesleclerc: No I fully understand! Just wish we could support her without it being a distraction
user14: One of her best books yet!
Twitter
Carlos Insta
Liked by youruser, charlesleclerc, yourbff, and 2,319,942 others
carlossainz55 My favorite game everytime we travel is seeing how many countries sell my girl's books!
tagged youruser
youruser I still can't believe how many places we visit actually have my books on shelves!
user20 Wait that's actually so precious because you guys travel so much and to take time to look through shops and find her books is the sweetest
user21 "my girl"
charlesleclerc You'd be surprised with how excited they both get when they find one of her books!
landonorris Honestly the most fun part of traveling with you two is going into random book shops and looking for Y/N L/N books
user22 I remember when I first got into reading I didn't think I'd find your books in my book shop but was so pleasantly surprised how many shops sell your amazing writing!
user23 literally learned how to read English so I could enjoy her books!
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Youruser Insta Story
carlossainz55 you deserve all the good things in the world
user24 I can't believe I was able to get my hands on a signed copy! Stayed up so late to make sure it was in my cart the second it dropped
landnorris so I may have slept through my alarm... if I apply pay you $1,000 will you bring a signed copy to me... PLEASE
youruser why do I feel like this is for your secret girlfriend landnorris YOUR HER FAVORITE AUTHOR OKAY! youruser No money but I'll sign her copy next time we're at a race together
user25 I tried so hard! Didn't realize how dedicated your fans would be
youruser send me an address and I'll send you a surprise! user25 OMG WHAT? Thank you so much!
user26 Didn't get a signed copy online because I get to get my copy signed when I see you in 2 weeks! Can't believe the paddock is letting you hold a mini signing... literally so cute
your insta
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youruser Mexico City you have been so beautiful! A Carlos win and a book signing in the Paddock? How can my weekend get any better
tagged carlossainz55
user27 Stop I know this weekend has been the best time for Y/N
user28 What an amazing time to be alive as a Y/NCarlos fan
landonorris I knew your books were a big deal but I'm stunned with how long the line was
charlesleclerc was so happy to finally be able to come to a book signing!
user29 the way Charles said it was his first book signing with Y/N because Carlos doesn't let any of the drivers come because he wants to make sure all attention is on her
user30 wait is this true? That's so cute
carlossainz55 It was so fun to see you in your element at my work
youruser I loved every moment of this weekend
The End
#formula 1#f1#f1 imagine#f1 x you#formula 1 x you#formula one imagines#f1 SMAU#formula 1 smau#formula one smau#Carlos sainz smau#cs55 smau#cs55 sf#cs55 x reader#cs55 fic#cs55 imagine#cs55 x you#cs55 fluff#carlos sainz jr#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz 55#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz imagines#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 live#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fic#f1 smut#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic
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The Wayhaven Chronicles— 23/August/2024
So, it was editing week and what do I end up doing?
Write some more to the chapter, obviously, lol! :D
But it’s been nice and easy to do! I think splitting this plan up into scenes rather than chapters has made such a difference. Instead of worrying about how taking some from the next chapter to add to this one will affect the upcoming chapter, it was easy just to look at the next scene and decide where to end it that would work to finish this chapter better!
I’m part way through the finishing scene, as it involves the love interests, so I need to add in variations throughout to make sure it all plays out smoothly. I’ve definitely put an uptick in romance in this one, which I know is an odd statement considering Wayhaven is focused on romance as the main thing, lol! But I just want that feeling in this one that things are really pushing forwards on that front.
Especially to put us in the place we need to be for the angsty intensity of Book Five…
One of the things I’ve really loved about editing and playing through this chapter is the interaction with the other teams, hehe :D I had a blast writing them all, but it was a lot with writing the different versions of those for each of the three teams, as well as the choices and stat increases in those different scenes.
But playing through these types of intense-to-write scenes always makes me realise how much it’s worth the effort though! And should make it fun to replay with the differences not just in which team you might get but also how you approach the things they’re asking you!
I currently have which team you get set to random, but I may change it to a choice depending on how my readers feel about it. I do like random just because it adds a little surprise element to the narrative, lol!
I should have the addition to the ending chapter finished tomorrow with how well it’s already flowing today, which means I can dive straight back into editing and rewrites!
Hope you all have an amazing weekend! We’ll be offline as usual, so I’ll update you all again next week! <3
#the wayhaven chronicles#interactive fiction#romance#personal#update#vampires#twc detective#choice of games#hosted games#choicescript#creative writing#steam games#ios games#game store#twc book 4#the wayhaven chronicles book 4
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000 | The Beginning.
The very first part to my series, The Williamson’s, this chapter takes places over four years at four different times!
find the series masterlist here!
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January 4th 2019 - 21 years old.
The past few days between you and your best friend, Leah, had been weird. It started on New Year’s Eve when you and her were both drunk.
All night long you’d been exchanging glances across the room and before you knew it you were kissing in the middle of the dance floor. The next morning you woke up in her bed, it wasn’t unusual for that to happen but this time it was different.
You’d never taken notice of your feelings for Leah, you’d known her since you were sixteen so there was absolutely no way on this planet that you were in love with your best friend.
Or at least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.
Leah was openly gay with the people around her and always had been. When you were eighteen you confided in her about your sexuality, you were confused and she was there for you. It wasn’t until a year ago that you finally came out as bisexual and Leah was one of the first people you told.
New Year’s Eve was a blur in your mind. You remember getting drunk, dancing with Leah and then kissing her as the clock struck midnight.
You and Leah had crossed a line, and now you were both tiptoeing around it. The tension hung in the air like a thick fog, making every interaction awkward.
You were slouched on your sofa, scrolling through social media when the doorbell rang. Your heart skipped a beat as you walked over to the door and opened it. Leah stood there, her cheeks flushed from the cold. She was bundled up in a coat and a beanie, her eyes wide and nervous.
"Hey," she said, her voice barely audible. "Can I come in?"
You stepped aside, allowing her to enter. She kicked off her boots and hung up her coat, glancing around the room as she avoided eye contact. The silence stretched between you, heavy and uncomfortable.
Finally, she blurted out, "Look, about New Year's Eve... I don't want things to be weird between us."
You chuckled, relieved that she had addressed the elephant in the room. "Yeah, it's been a bit...awkward."
Leah fidgeted with the hem of her jumper. "I like you, okay? And not just as a friend. I've liked you for a while now, but I didn't know how to say it."
Your heart raced. Leah, your best friend, was confessing her feelings. You hadn't expected this. You thought it was just you.
"Leah," you began, "I—"
She interrupted you. "Wait, let me finish." She took a deep breath. "I know you've never thought of me that way. But maybe...maybe we could give it a shot? A date, just to see?"
You stared at her, your mind racing. Could you risk your friendship for something more? But then you remembered the way her lips had felt against yours on New Year's Eve.
Maybe it was worth exploring.
"Okay," you said, surprising yourself. "Let's go on that date."
Leah's face lit up, and she stepped closer, pulling you into a hug. "Really?"
"Yeah," you replied, smiling. "But no more awkwardness, okay? We'll figure this out together."
The following days were spent planning a date for that weekend. You and Leah were inseparable once again, this time you shared kisses and sweet moments together.
There wasn’t a lot you and Leah didn’t know about each other or had done together so you decided to go to a fancy restaurant together, something Leah deemed as a ‘fancy’ date.
Leah picked up that Friday evening, you were wearing an elegant navy blue shirt that you’d paired with a black skirt. Leah was wearing a white shirt and a pair of beige trousers, an outfit that you couldn’t tear your eyes from.
The fancy restaurant was everything you'd imagined. A dimly lit space with crystal chandeliers, and soft piano music playing in the background. Leah sat across from you, focused as she studied the menu. You both ordered dishes you couldn't pronounce, laughing at your attempts.
The conversation flowed effortlessly. You talked about different things. One thing that popped up was if you wanted kids, you’d talked about it before but not about having them together. You both decided you wanted either two or three kids, a large age gap between the first two like Leah had with her brother. Leah's hand brushed yours, sending a jolt of electricity up your arm.
After dessert, you left the restaurant and decided to take a walk. The restaurant was conveniently located near an old arcade, its neon sign glowed from across the street.
Leah grinned, tugging you along. "An arcade, c’mon,"
Inside, the air smelled of popcorn. You played basketball, competing fiercely for the highest score. Leah's laughter echoed through the room as she aimed for the bullseye on the darts. She won, of course, and claimed her prize which was a tiny dinosaur teddy that she insisted was a T. rex.
As you wandered from game to game, you forgot about everything else. The awkwardness, the uncertainty. It was just you and Leah, lost in a world you’d created together with love and laughter.
Finally, you stood in front of the photo booth. Leah hesitated, then pulled you inside. The curtain closed, and the camera flashed. You both squeezed into the tiny seat, your knees touching. Leah's cheeks were flushed, and you wondered if she felt the same way you did.
"Can I kiss you?" she whispered, her breath warm against your lips.
You nodded, heart pounding and then her mouth was on yours. The photo booth captured the moment of the two of you, tangled together, hearts racing.
When the curtain opened, you stepped out, hand in hand and took your strip of photos. The neon lights outside seemed brighter, the world more vivid.
Leah leaned against you, her head on your shoulder. "Best first date ever," she murmured.
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February 14th 2019 - 21 years old.
It’d been just over a month since your first date with Leah and things were perfect between the pair of you despite still being unofficial.
You’d been on so many dates that you’d lost count, it seemed like you were doing something different every day together. Those dates ranged from little things such as movie nights on your sofa and cooking together to going to fancy restaurants on the weekend.
Valentine’s Day arrived, and the air was thick with romance. You’d been expecting a quiet evening at home with Leah, maybe binge-watching your favourite TV show. But Leah had other plans.
She showed up at your door, holding a bouquet of red roses. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes sparkled.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she said, her voice a little breathless.
You blinked, surprised by the roses. “Leah, these are gorgeous! Thank you.” You smiled, taking the roses from Leah before pulling her into a hug and kissing her lips.
She ran her hand down your hip, “Only the best for the prettiest girl.”
You spent that evening cooking pasta together before eating it on the sofa while watching Notting Hill, your favourite movie that you begged Leah to watch with you.
A few hours later, she took you to the rooftop of your apartment building, where fairy lights decorated the railing.
Leah stood there, her eyes looking into yours as she held you close. Her hands rested once again on your hips. "I've been thinking," she began, her voice soft. "About us."
Your heart raced. You'd been thinking about this moment for weeks. The stolen kisses and the late-night conversations replayed in your mind. Now, everything felt real.
"I don't want to be just friends or whatever we are anymore," Leah said, her fingers brushing against your hips. "I want more."
You swallowed, your throat suddenly dry. "More?"
She nodded. "I want to be with you, officially. No more tiptoeing around. What do you say? Will you be my girlfriend, pretty girl?”
"Yeah," you smiled stupidly before kissing Leah’s lips, "Of course, I’ll be your girlfriend."
Her lips brushing against yours once again. Your heartbeats synced, and you knew that this was the beginning of something.
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February 14th 2021 - 23 years old.
Anxiety had been bubbling up inside of you all day. It was your two year anniversary with Leah and you'd never felt anxious like this before.
Somehow you’d convinced yourself that Leah was proposing after your best friend, Beth, had slipped up a few weeks ago. You were round at her house, trying to make plans, when the blonde slipped up.
——
two weeks ago…
“What about next weekend?” Beth asked, scrolling through her calendar, “Wait no, Leah’s taking you to that place.”
You looked up from your phone, raising an eyebrow as Beth’s face turned red, “What place?”
“Shit,” Beth mumbled, “It was supposed to be a surprise!”
“What place, Beth?” You questioned, setting your phone down beside you. Beth ignored your question and continued scrolling on her phone, “Bethany Mead you better tell me!”
Beth groaned, “It’s a surprise Leah told me about! You weren’t supposed to know, I’m not saying anymore you can ask her when she comes back from getting food with Viv.”
The next fifteen minutes were torture for both you and Beth. You interrogated her, trying to get answers while Beth tried her hardest to not spill anything.
Beth had been your best friend since you were thirteen and she was fifteen so it was hard for her not to spill any secrets to you. It wasn’t long before Viv and Leah were arriving back with the takeaway you and Beth had sent them out for.
“You alright, pretty girl?” Leah asked as you and Beth walked into the kitchen.
“Don’t be mad but…” You trailed off, looking at Beth. “Beth slipped up about the weekend away you’re taking me on when we were trying to plan out girls’ evening..” you started to anxiously play with your rings on your fingers.
“Oh for god sake, Beth!” Leah groaned, “it was a surprise!”
Viv laughed, grabbing four plates from the cupboard, “told you that you shouldn’t have told Beth.”
“I’m sorry!” Beth sighed, “it was an accident, it just slipped out. I was thinking about other things and I accidentally told her!”
“It’s fine,” Leah sighs, “What else did you tell her?”
——
In that moment, you never questioned what Leah meant by “what else did you tell her” but when you got home later that evening you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You laid awake that night and that’s when the thought of Leah proposing sprung to mind.
You questioned Leah all week on where you were going, something that she wouldn’t reveal. However, you did get her to tell you what to pack.
The thought of Leah proposing never left your mind all week, that’s what led to you being so anxious about today.
When you woke up this morning, your anxiety was still present. You weren’t feeling a scared-anxious about Leah proposing, you were a happy-anxious, something that you couldn’t figure out.
You and Leah had exchanged gifts this morning, you’d bought Leah a golden watch that was engraved on the bottom with sweet words you’d gotten customised. Leah had bought you a love heart necklace, something dainty but it meant a lot to you.
You’d then spent the day on the beach, sunbathing and playing around in the water like teenagers before heading back to the hotel for a fancy dinner.
Leah had picked your outfit and you’d picked hers. She’d chosen a cream floral mini dress that fell halfway down your thighs and you’d chosen a striped shirt and short set with a white top underneath.
Once dinner was over, Leah had convinced you to take a walk on the beach. The sun dipped low on the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the sandy beach. Leah held your hand as you both strolled along the water's edge, the gentle waves lapping at your feet.
“Someday I wanna marry you, you know.” Leah smiled, swinging your hands back and forth.
You laughed nervously, “Yeah, yeah, someday in about six years!”
“No I’m serious,” Leah smiled, she dragged you down the beach a bit more and your mouth dropped open in shock when you saw what was in front of you.
A white blanket was spread out on the sand, and a bunch of red roses were placed on the blanket. A constellation of glass holders held flickering candles, their flames casting shadows on the beach. Single red roses were placed between the candles. The letters ‘marry me’ were set up behind the blanket.
Leah stopped, turning to face you. Her expression was a mix of nervousness and excitement. "You know," she began, "when we first started dating, I never imagined you’d complete me in every way. But here we are, two years later."
Leah dropped to one knee, pulling a small velvet box from her pocket. The world seemed to hold its breath.
"I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone." Leah laughed, tears welling in her eyes.
You laughed, wiping your own tears, “Did you just quote lord of fucking the rings? You’re such a nerd!”
"I’m your nerd though,” Leah smiled, “Will you marry me?" she asked, her voice trembling.
Tears welled up in your eyes. "Yes," you whispered. "Of course I’ll marry you, you idiot!”
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August 16th 2022 - 25 years old.
“Who knew that wedding planning was so fucking stressful!” You mumbled as you and Leah cuddled on the sofa in your shared apartment.
You and Leah were currently trying to plan your wedding but you didn’t realise how much legal stuff there was and the difficulties it wouldn’t give you.
You’d been engaged for just over a year now and you were both eager to get married. Although it wasn’t a massive thing for you both, you just wanted things to be official and for you to be Mrs Williamson.
Leah sat up, resting her hand on your thigh, “Why don’t we just go an elope? Who says we need a big white wedding?”
You laughed thinking Leah was joking, “Yeah as if, we’re not going to elope. What about your family?”
Leah shrugged, “We’d need witnesses so what if we took my family? Then we could have a big white wedding when we’re ready for it for all of our other family and friends.”
You gasped, throwing your phone down beside you, “Wait your not fucking with me? You’re actually serious?!”
The blonde nodded as a laugh escaped her lips, “Yes I’m being serious, pretty girl. It’d take all the stress out of it.”
“You’d seriously want that?” You asked, “I know how much these things matter to you. I’d love to elope.”
Leah nodded and leaned in, placing a kiss on your lips, “I would love to elope with you. We can have a big white wedding later on.”
You nodded eagerly, “Let’s do it then!”
The decision was made. You and Leah would elope, surrounded by her family as witnesses. It felt like a secret moment just for the two of you.
The next few days were spent arranging a time where all of Leah’s closest family could be there as well as getting your dress and Leah’s suit. You arranged to get married at the courthouse and have Leah’s parents, brother, grandma and cousins there.
The legalities were sorted out, and you found yourselves standing in a quaint little courthouse, nerves fluttering like butterflies in your stomachs.
Leah wore a simple beige suit, her blonde hair pulled back. Her eyes sparkled with excitement, and you couldn’t tear your gaze away from her. You had picked out a plain white dress that fell halfway down your things. Your hair was in a half up half down type of hairstyle with a bowed vail in it.
You and Leah walked down the aisle together, Leah’s family spread down both sides of the aisle. The officiant did all of the boring wedding stuff before you and Leah were finally able to say your vows. You went first.
You took a deep breath before looking at Leah, feeling a sense of calmness wash over me as she squeezed your hands. "Leah, my best friend, my first love, I can't believe we're actually standing here. After everything this took, I can't believe at the end of the day I'll be able to call you my wife. Growing up, I never thought i'd be lucky enough to meet, let alone fall in love, with someone like you. I never thought someone would be able to love me the way you do unconditionally. I wish I could put into words how truly amazing you are but there aren't enough words.”
You take your hand out of Leah’s and quickly wipe your tears as she takes her chance to wipe her own fallen tears, “I won't forget the day I met you on that England camp, I was the shy girl and hadn't spoken a word to anyone and you came over with Keira and both made me feel welcome. Ever since then, you've been my absolute rock. We've gone from friends, to lovers, to fiancés and now we finally get to be wives. You are so loving and patient and even in the times I don't feel lovable, you still love me. I promise to love you forever and through everything. I can't wait to do life with you. I love you, Le.”
Leah’s teary eyes widened as you finished, she squeezed your hands again. She laughed a little, “Oh my god I’m getting emotional, right my turn!”
You laughed out loud, as you brought a hand up to wipe the tears under your eyes. “When aren’t you emotional!”
Leah squeezed your hands once again before talking, . "I've been thinking about this day for the last three years, planning everything I wanted to say to you, to promise you. I'm convinced that I know you better than I know myself, and I love that little fact about me. At this point, my heart is so full of you, I feel like I can hardly call it my own. Every time I've looked at you since the day that I met you i've found something new to love and obsess over.
"I promise to protect you from everything bad in the world and shower you with all of the good. I promise to show you the best parts of yourself while allowing you to be your own person. I promise to be the best wife and future mother that I can be for you and our future kids. I promise to cherish and love you endlessly."
Leah smiles through tears before continuing. "Thank you for standing by me through everything and following me around half the country and world with my football. I truly wouldn’t be able to do it without you, when I’m playing I know that afterwards I get to see your face and that’s something that I will always love. When you need help, I will be there for you. When you need care, I will care for you. When you want to try something new, I will encourage you. And when you do the same for me, I will love you. I will love you forever, pretty girl.”
You sunk your teeth into your bottom lip to avoid a full-fledged sob from escaping your mouth from her words. Jacob handed the rings to Leah, he was the trusted ring bearer although Leah joked about him losing them.
Before you knew it, you and Leah were pronounced wife and wife and were having your first kiss before walking out of the courthouse. You were given a few minutes before Leah’s family joined you.
Leah pulled you in for a kiss, her hand resting at the small of your back, “I love you so much. I can’t wait to do life with you, pretty girl.”
“I love you more,” you mumbled against her lips, “I love you so much more.”
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Liked by Leah Williamson and 112,000 others
y/n.williamson officially Mrs Williamson 💐💍
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leahwilliamsonn oh my that’s my wifey 😍
view 26 replies liked by 178 others
bethmead_ so happy for you both! absolutely stunning!
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lionesses congrats! 🙌🏻
view 2 replies liked by 78 others
liawaelti congrats, so much love for you both 💗
view 4 replies liked by 98 others
keirawalsh erm where’s my invite? happy for you both 🫶🏻
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kyracooneyx parents, took you long enough 🙄
view 16 replies liked by 125 others
mbaker1971 would say welcome to the family but you’ve been apart of it for many years!
view 24 replies liked by 160 others
viviannemiedema 💍🫶🏻💗
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Beach Daddy VI. One Last Time
bfd!joel miller x f!reader
series masterlist masterlist
wordcount: 13,941
summary: you find yourself in Joel's arms once more, torn between the love you share and the dreams that pull you apart.
warnings: 18+, age gap, finally finally unprotected p in v, some cute stuff goin on here, uses of the names darlin and babygirl, this involved a lot of me going "ahhhh" and "whyyy" and then "yesss" I didn't leave you with a mean cliffhanger this time.
notes: thank you to everyone for your love on this fic, I truly never thought this would be as loved as it is <3 I can't thank you guys enough for your support and the likes, comments and reblogs. Truly you guys have made this that much more fun to write. AND thank you to everyone who has been so so patient with me as I finished this chapter. I only have one hand to type at the moment so this took 50 years. ty @saradika-graphics as always for the divider
Why don't you stay with me, share all your secrets tonight
We can make believe the morning sun never will rise
Come and lay you're head on this big brass bed. We'll be all right as long as you stay with me
YOU.
The dark sky seems even darker through the tinted windows of the black car that Joel has sent to pick you up. He sounds urgent on the phone; when you tell him that you need to talk, he tells you that you have a lot to discuss, but he doesn't want to talk over the phone. Eventually, you agree to have his driver pick you up and take you to his penthouse. Secretly, you're glad that he suggested meeting in person. You don't want to go over everything and why you left without saying goodbye, with your two roommates listening to every word of your conversation. Lin acts as though your life is more interesting than all of the reality TV shows she binge-watches every weekend.
The car is just as luxurious as you should have expected after seeing all of the amenities that the Miller family is used to, but you're still surprised at how supple the leather seats are as you slide across them for your long ride across New York. It's nice to spend the drive relaxed and not on the edge of your seat, afraid the cab driver is going to hit a pedestrian trying desperately to cross the street. You remind yourself not to get comfortable with this type of luxury; it's not going to last.
“Is there anything I can do for you to make the drive more comfortable, Miss?" Joel's driver calls back from the front seat.
“No, everything is perfect, thank you," you answer.
“There are snacks and beverages stocked for you if you change your mind."
There's sparkling water in the cupholder next to you, mysteriously maintained at the perfect temperature. You crack the seal and let the bubbles tickle your throat as you watch the skyscrapers pass by your window. You should have guessed that Joel's penthouse would be on the Upper East Side, but you can't help but stare at the buildings and how extravagant everything seems compared to your dumpy little neighborhood. The driver pulls to a stop in front of a tall building and gets out to open your door for you.
The night sky is littered with stars, which are muted by the bright lights of Joel's building. A doorman dressed in a uniform opens the front door for you and escorts you to the elevator, where he presses the button for the penthouse and backs out with a lift of his hat. You ride the elevator in silence, your heart beating increasingly faster as you pass each floor with a ding of the elevator. You can't help but wonder if Joel is angry with you for leaving the Bahamas without so much as a word. You hope it hasn't hurt him, but after your fight with Sarah, you couldn't stay, and you knew that Joel and you could never have a future together, especially when his only daughter hated you. Worst of all was the reason you were at his home in the first place. You couldn't let him risk his reputation for you. That photographer didn't need to have the opportunity to take more pictures of you together. You're convinced you're not worth the risk. The elevator stops at the top floor, and the doors slowly slide open to reveal Joel's front entry, a set of floor-to-ceiling glazed glass doors. You ring the small buzzer, and a few seconds later, Joel's unmistakable form approaches the glass.
“Darlin'," Joel says with a warm smile as he slides the door open to reveal his face.
You're relieved to be greeted so warmly. You had told yourself over and over again on the ride over that you couldn't pursue anything with Joel, but as soon as you see him, you have to fight to suppress your feelings for the man. “Joel, it's nice to see you again. Thank you so much for sending a car, although you really didn't have to."
“I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to," Joel says, reaching out his hand to you.
After a slight hesitation, you take it, and he leads you into his penthouse. The interior is decorated in a modern style with sleek lines and crisp edges, giving the entire space a clean and wealthy feel. A large statement dining room table takes up a large portion of the space.
It's glowing from the tiny flames of tealight candles spanning the entire length of the table. The light flickering off all of the surfaces adds a subtle softness to the sharp lines of the room. Joel pulls out a chair for you.
“I don't know if you've eaten, but I had my chef prepare a little something before he left for the night."
“I can always eat," you say with a small smile of thanks before he disappears into the kitchen.
He returns with two artful plates of filet mignon and asparagus spears. He sets a plate in front of you and the other in front of the chair directly across from you. He pours a generous glass of wine for each of you before taking his seat.
“This is absolutely beautiful," you say as you glance around the room.
“It is, isn't it?" Joel says looking around the room, too, before continuing. "Honestly, I tend to forget how nice this place is. Typically, when I'm in New York, I get so wrapped up in work that I forget to enjoy it."
“Well, you should slow down more often," you say, not exactly sure how friendly to be with the man you'd almost slept with and then ghosted.
“Well then, to more happy nights," Joel says, raising his glass to you.
You sigh, not picking up your glass to meet his. “Joel, don't you think we should talk about the photographer? We can't act as if nothing happened."
Joel sighs, too, and sets his glass back down on the table. “I know that we need to talk about what happened. I am sure you have a lot of questions for me. I'm honestly surprised that you even agreed to come here after everything my family and guests put you through. I just wanted to spend some time with you before we had to talk about all of that unpleasantness."
You're shocked that Joel is worried about you not showing up; he always seems so confident and put together. The entire time you had been worried he wouldn't want to see you again when he was worried about the same thing. “I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me again," you admit sheepishly.
“Babygirl, I would have to be crazy not to want to see you again."
Heat bursts into your cheeks, and you're thankful that the light is low enough to hide your blush.
“I have mentally kicked myself every day for not going to you right after I got back from chasing off that photographer. Then, when I woke up the next day, I found out you were gone, and it was too late. After that, I figured you needed some space, understandably. Your vacation was anything but relaxing," Joel says as he rubs the back of his neck.
“I should have at least stayed to say goodbye, but at the time, I didn't feel as though I could stay."
“I found out from some of my staff that you and Sarah were heard getting into an argument. No one knew what it was about, and I couldn't get a straightforward answer out of Sarah. What did she say to make you feel like you needed to leave?"
You look down at your plate and take a slow bite, trying to decide just how much of the fight with Sarah you want to disclose to her father. The meat is so tender it feels as though it melts in your mouth; you swallow reluctantly before speaking. “Sarah found out that I was Todd's previous girlfriend. She obviously wasn't happy about it, and things got pretty heated. I didn't want to stay after that."
Joel stares at you as though trying to get you to go into the horrible things his daughter had actually said to you. It's hard for you to understand why you still feel the need to protect Sarah from her own shitty behavior, but you hold your tongue anyway. “I know there is more to it than that."
“None of that matters anymore," you say, looking down at your plate again to avoid his piercing gaze. “We are going in completely different directions in our lives, and I doubt that we will ever cross paths again. We are from completely different worlds."
“You are right," Joel responds, watching you carefully. “You two are completely different. She is turning into everything I hoped she wouldn't, and you, well, you are… real."
The silence between you is only interrupted by the soft clinks of your silverware against your plates.
“I wasn't able to catch up with that photographer," Joel says softly, almost ashamed.
“I know," you respond, finally lifting your eyes to meet his.
“What do you mean?" Joel's eyebrows furrow together, clearly confused by what you are alluding to.
“Right before the flight I was on took off, an unknown number sent me a picture of us in the cove."
Tears start to well up in your eyes. Joel jumps up from his side of the table and is next to you in an instant. He grabs your hands from where they are resting on your lap. Even as upset as you are, the feeling of his hands on yours makes your entire body feel warm.
“Baby, why on earth did you keep this to yourself? If I would have known that he was blackmailing you, I would have had someone standing guard at your apartment day and night."
“I thought that if I disappeared, they would leave you alone, but whoever it was, they found me. That's why I came to find you at your office."
“What do you mean they found you?" Joel asks, concern flooding his eyes.
“Someone followed me back to my apartment. I ran down the street, but they must have noticed where I lived because the next time I opened the door, there was a box waiting for me.
Joel stares at you, absorbing every word you speak.
“The picture was inside of the box with a note that said, 'Tell Joel he is running out of time.' That's when I decided I needed to come and find you. I am so sorry, Joel. I thought this would all just go away if I walked out of your life."
"That son of a bitch," Joel curses, releasing your hands as he stands and strides toward the balcony. Your hands, now devoid of his warmth, feel empty and cold.
"Who?" you inquire as Joel retreats, opening the door to step outside onto the balcony. You rise to your feet, fully intent on following him when he doesn't respond to your question. You make your way out to the balcony slowly, a sense of awe washing over you. You've never been inside a home as luxurious as this one.
The balcony sprawls out before you, offering an incredible view of the New York skyline. The distant buildings cast a glow that lights up the night sky like stars anchored to the earth. It would be breathtaking if not for the tense conversation hanging in the air between you two.
Joel settles onto an outdoor sectional in front of a fire pit nestled within the coffee table. The lavishness of such amenities never fails to astonish you. You take a seat next to him and look at him with expectation in your eyes, but when he still doesn't answer your question, you press further.
"Joel, who is trying so hard to drag you through the mud? Surely, it isn't just about money. If that were the case, they would have sold the photo already, and it would be everywhere by now." You pause for a moment before continuing with conviction in your voice. "I'm sure someone would pay a lot for that picture. This seems much more personal."
"You're right, babygirl," Joel responds with a slight smile playing on his lips as he gazes into the slowly flickering flames before him: "You are very perceptive; you really will make an excellent lawyer."
Your eyes meet his with determination: "I hope I get to be one," you say thoughtfully before adding with concern. "But I don't know how focused I will be if I am constantly having to watch over my shoulder or fend off journalists curious about our situation."
Joel sighs at your comment and looks out over the cityscape below—a silent acknowledgment that perhaps you were more direct than he expected. Even though you're not in the public eye like he is, this situation still has the potential to jeopardize your future career.
"I am sorry for dragging you into my messy family drama," Joel finally offers, his eyes softening as he turns to face you.
"Someone in your family is trying to blackmail you? Who would do that?" you ask, your shock evident in the way your eyebrows shoot up towards your hairline. You watch as Joel struggles to articulate an explanation.
"I believe I mentioned a bit about my father and our strained relationship while I was growing up," Joel says, his gaze drifting away from you.
"Yes, a little, right after we watched the dolphins," you recall, encouraging him to continue.
"Well, a significant part of our issues was his constant absence. When I was younger, I convinced myself that his work kept him busy, but after his death, I discovered that it was likely due to an affair he was having."
"Oh, Joel, I'm so sorry," you say, at a loss for words. The thought of discovering infidelity after already grieving the loss of your parents is unimaginable to you.
Joel continues, "I don't know how long the affair lasted, but at some point, the other woman became pregnant. I found out about Blaine some time ago—my half-brother, the product of my father's long-hidden affair. I don't even know if my father ever met his other son."
Curiosity piqued, you ask, "Have you ever met him?"
"No, I searched for him for years without success. Once I finally located him, I had my security team investigate him. To put it mildly, he's made some very poor life choices. So, I never pursued a meeting with him."
You reach out and take Joel's hand in yours, feeling the tension in his fingers as they intertwine with yours. He looks at your joined hands, seemingly finding it difficult to meet your gaze.
"It wasn't long after he discovered a connection to the Miller family through a DNA match that I started receiving messages demanding money. My father made it clear that Blaine was to inherit nothing. When I didn't respond, he began threatening my family members."
"Oh no," you say, your voice laced with sympathy as you run your thumb lightly over his.
"I had my security team focused on protecting my extended family. I was naive to think he wouldn't have me followed to the Bahamas. My oversight led to us being photographed. Blaine, my delinquent half-brother, must be the one trying to use you to get to me," Joel concludes, his guilt apparent in his eyes.
"Joel, this isn't your fault," you reassure him, squeezing his hand and trying to catch his eye.
"It is my fault. I'm the reason you're being dragged into this blackmail," Joel insists, finally meeting your gaze.
"If it weren't me, it would have been someone else," you counter, trying to alleviate his sense of responsibility.
"Don't you see?" Joel asks, frustration creeping into his tone. "If there had been another woman he could have used against me, he would have. There's never been anyone I cared for enough. I believe Blaine had us watched for quite some time before you left. He must have realized there was something more between us that he could exploit."
"What is between us?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper, as you grip your hands together tightly in your lap.
Joel hesitates, the weight of his words hanging in the air. He looks at you with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe. "There's enough between us that I couldn't bear the thought of him hurting you," Joel finally admits, not breaking eye contact.
A pang of disappointment hits you, but you push it aside. "Oh," is all you manage to say, feeling a sense of deflation. You chide yourself for harboring such feelings. You know better than to want him in that way. He's older, and he's the father of your former friend. A relationship between you two could only lead to heartache. Yet, despite all logic, you can't help but yearn for him to feel more for you.
Joel stands with you, gently taking hold of your arms and turning you to face him. He pulls you close, and you can feel the heat of his body against yours as you place your hands on his chest.
"Babygirl, you are... irresistible," Joel confesses, his words sending a jolt through you. "I found myself seeking you out, just to spend a few moments with you. I tried to keep my distance, but I couldn't resist my desire to be near you, to hear your laugh, or to be the reason for the smile on your beautiful lips."
His words ignite a flutter in your chest, and you struggle to steady your breathing, your hands moving up to caress his neck as your fingers thread through his hair.
"And that day I took you to watch the dolphins, I knew all my efforts were in vain. I gave in to my feelings for you, despite knowing it was wrong. I wanted nothing more than to take you right there on the sand of that beach."
Joel's lips graze yours, the proximity of his mouth making it hard to concentrate on anything but the possibility of what might come next.
"I let my guard down because I thought it was safe. Safe for both of us. I liked the man I was when I was alone with you. On the yacht, I was more myself with you than I had been in a really long time. You awakened a desire in me that I didn't know was still there."
"I couldn't stop thinking about you," you whisper, your lips brushing against Joel's, your body instinctively leaning into his.
His urgency matches yours as his lips meet yours in a passionate kiss. You explore the contours of his chest and neck with your hands, finally allowing yourself to indulge in the moment. His tongue slips into your mouth, and a soft moan escapes you, prompting him to pull you even closer. After a few intense seconds, you regain your senses and pull back, your breath coming in short gasps as you stare into his face, taking in his handsomeness.
"What's wrong?" Joel asks, a frown forming on his lips.
"I'm moving in two days," you say, trying to rationalize your hesitation. "I just don't want to start feeling more for you just to have to leave again."
"I have a home not far from Harvard. I travel constantly all over the world. This isn't really about the distance between us, is it?" Joel challenges gently.
"No," you admit reluctantly.
"Then what is it about?" he asks, moving closer, his gaze locked onto yours.
"It's about how complicated this is, with Sarah and Blaine... it's all just so much," you confess, unable to trust yourself to look at his enticing mouth.
"What if we stopped worrying about how complicated this is and just... gave in?" Joel suggests, brushing a lock of hair from your face. He leans in and kisses you sweetly once more before pulling back to gauge your reaction.
“Just for tonight”, you whisper, biting your bottom lip. Sleeping with Joel, even for just one night, is probably a bad decision, but you don't care at the moment. You are so caught up in the emotions he sends spiraling through you that you can't bring yourself to say no. At his touch, your skin is on fire, and the taste of him lingers on your lips even after he pulls away.
It's all the invitation he needs to pick you up and kiss you again and again. He trails a soft touch up your side, and your skin prickles at his wandering hand. He lays you back against the soft cushions, and you catch a brief glimpse of his skin as his shirt billows. You can't help but run your hand up his stomach, feeling each well-defined ripple of muscle. Goosebumps appear in waves along your body as the heat of his chest travels up your arms.
You help him out of his shirt as the firelight sends dancing shadows across his skin. His linen shirt falls to the floor in an unwanted pile. Joel leans down to you and settles his hand upon your cheek. The gesture is adoring, which makes your heart ache with happiness. You have never been looked at the way Joel gazes at you.
"You are so unabashedly beautiful, baby," he says, his eyes narrowing in a hungry gaze that leaves you wanting more. His thumb traces the soft contour of your mouth, melting away your thoughts of anything but him. His deep eyes penetrate your soul, warming you to your core. You have to have him.
You reach for the waist of his jeans, but he stops your hand and grins at you. "Slow down," he says. "If we can only have this one night, I want to remember every second of it. I want to memorize every curve of your body, every sound that crosses your gorgeous lips, every look on your face." If you are only going to allow me one night, I am going to make it count."
His lips meet the nape of your neck, making your entire body shudder. Every kiss and soft touch of his lips along your collarbone has you melting. Joel's hands slide to your waist, and he tugs up the fabric of your shirt. He gently eases the garment over the top of your head. You feel his eyes devour the sight of you in your black lace bralette.
A gust of wind sneaks through the holes of the lace, making your nipples even harder than they already are at the sight of him. Joel's lips trail down your neck and to your breasts, teasing you with his tongue. He kisses along the upper barrier of your bra, leaving you panting and writhing beneath him as you long for him to take your hardened peak between his lips.
Again, you reach for his belt and busy yourself undoing it. Your fingers fumble with the clasp, and he chuckles softly at you, but eventually, it gives way, allowing you to access his top button and zipper. You want to rip the fabric from his body, but you remember that he had told you to move slowly, so you do your best to keep your trembling fingers calm.
The moon continues to rise higher in the sky as you slowly and methodically abandon each piece of Joel's clothing. You are ready to follow his lead, but Joel insists on slowing everything down for you, making your body physically ache with desire for him. He unclips the clasp of your bra and lets it fall to the floor at his feet. His soft kisses trail every part of your chest as he makes his way down to your belly button. Your arousal burns inside of you even as the cool breeze of the evening nips at your naked body. Joel pulls you closer to him. The heat from the fire only warms one side of your bodies.
"Are you cold?" he whispers against your neck, his breath fanning out and warming your flesh.
Shivers continue to move down your naked body in response to him and the breeze, but you do your best to give him a verbal response, even though your ability to speak has evaporated when his lips met your bare skin. You can only manage a slight shake of your head. However, Joel sweeps you into his arms and back into the house. His bare feet are soft on the cold tile of the hallway, and he uses his back to push open a door. You can barely make out his bedroom in the dark, a skylight offering the only light in the room directly over the bed.
The bed is covered in a white goose-down duvet that flutters in response to Joel helping you into the pillows. Then, as the blanket settles around you, he crawls over top of you. You grab the sides of his face and pull him closer to you, your thumbs massaging against his cheekbones.
"I am so lucky to have met you. Taking that trip was the best decision I have ever made," you pant, and you kiss him hard, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth, your teeth clamping down on the soft flesh, leaving him leaning into you with want. You can feel his hardness against your thigh, which only serves to spur you on to kiss him deeper. When you release him, he smiles down at you, his eyes glistening in the moonlight.
"I’m the lucky one. I will always be the lucky one." Joel's fingertips brush your cheek as he moves a loose lock of hair away from your face.
He kisses you back and lowers his body to meet yours. You lift yourself up to him, wanting to get as close to him as possible. You need him so badly; the thought of there being any distance between you at all is unimaginable. His need for you is also apparent, and he presses himself closer to you, his hardness poised at your entrance. The heat of your bodies mingles in the warmth of his bed.
You grip the duvet cover in both of your hands, anticipating him pushing inside of you, but he is still gazing down at you, taking his time.
You are unable to fight your longing for him for another second, so you don't. With both hands, you grip his muscular back, spreading your legs wider to welcome him in. His smile shifts to a smirk, and then, he is moving inside of you. Your head tips back, and an ethereal moan leaves your lips as he fills you completely.
Joel takes his time with this as well, creating a smooth, steady rhythm that has you hanging onto him as your only grip left on reality. Your hands trail down to his firm ass, and touching him in such an intimate place sends another shiver of pleasure through your body.
Before long, you feel your body begin to spasm around him, and it is all you can do to keep oxygen in your lungs. Joel's lips are on your neck, and you can feel him increasing his pace to match your moans as you tumble over the edge, crying out his name in a voice you don't even recognize as your own. Joel keeps you at your peak for what seems like an eternity. By the time he tightens up and grunts a few times, filling you with warmth, you can hardly handle the intensity of what he is doing to your body.
After Joel finishes, he doesn't move off of you right away. Instead, he kisses you softly, taking his time, his tongue dancing around yours, as if he were savoring the taste of you. When he finishes, he kisses you a couple of more times, quickly, and then moves so that he is resting next to you.
He pulls you to his chest, cradling your head against him and running his fingers through your hair. You nestle against him, wrapping an arm around his chest. You want to tell him all of the emotions you are feeling in your heart, but you don't dare. You had said just once. How could you lie in his arms and tell him you love him when this wasn't just your first time making love, it was also goodbye? You can't do that to him. So, instead, you lie there in his arms, letting your heavy eyes close, listening to the rhythm of his heart and his breathing, wishing this was just the first time and not the last, but nothing can be done to change your circumstances.
This will have to be the end.
You wake up a few hours later, and Joel is still awake. You know by the look in his eyes that he wants you again. Your instincts say no, you shouldn't do this again, but the fact that you have already made love once, and the night isn't over, spurs you on. Before you can stop yourself, you are mounting him, and with him buried deep within you, you rock your hips, letting that feeling of euphoria wash over you again. You continue for hours until you are both exhausted.
Finally, you begin to fall back to sleep and settle next to him, but your mind is too busy to let you fall asleep completely. You watch the look in Joel's eyes as he looks over at you. Your breath slowly starts to settle back to an average pace. He stares at you as though he can't look away.
—
The soft glow of early morning dusts the starlit sky. He kisses your lips so softly you aren't sure if it's real or if the entire steamy night has been a dream. He lays his head back on one of the many pillows and closes his eyes. A small hint of a smile still lingers on his lips. Joel wraps a soft blanket around your naked body in a protective way. You melt into his side and can feel his heartbeat. You listen to the steady rhythm of his breaths until they slow. You know he has fallen asleep. Despite the heaviness of your eyelids, your mind doesn't want to rest.
Joel has a way about him that makes you feel safe, wanted, and, dare you think it, loved. You haven't felt that way in a long time. This one night with Joel puts three years with Todd to shame. You can't see yourself ever finding any man as wonderful as Joel again. You feel a piece of your heart break, knowing this can't last… that you won't let this last. Knowing that everyone in Joel's life will make sure that you won't even get a chance to try. You don't want the ugliness of reality to ruin the perfect night you have shared.
Joel was right. If you were only going to have one night together, you needed to make it count. Rather than giving in to your thoughts, you close your eyes and fall asleep in his arms.
When you wake up, it takes you a few moments for your eyes to adjust to the morning light streaming through the skylight. You're at Joel's house, in his bed. The smell of his sandalwood cologne lingers on your skin and the silky sheets. You roll to your side and realize that you're alone. You sit straight upright, holding the sheets to your bare chest, as you look around the room. The door is cracked open, and you can hear the clinking of dishes coming from down the hall.
You drape your legs over the side of the bed, scanning the floor. After an unsuccessful search, you realize your clothes are still on the balcony. You make your way into what you assume is Joel's ensuite, pull one of his shirts from the closet, and slip it over your shoulders. After rinsing your face in the sink, washing away yesterday's makeup, you silently make your way down the hall back to the kitchen.
Joel is humming a light tune while he's scrambling eggs in a frying pan. You stand and watch him as he continues cooking, humming to himself, and occasionally smiling. Your heart lifts at the thought that those smiles are for you.
“Good morning," you say in a lighthearted tone, pretending as though you hadn't been watching him.
“A very good morning," Joel answers with a small wink.
“I hope you don't mind that I borrowed this. I couldn't seem to find my clothes this morning."
Joel laughs and splits the scrambled eggs onto two plates.
“It looks a lot better on you. You can borrow it anytime you like," he says, not taking his eyes off of you.
“Oh wow, you cook too. What can't you do, Joel?" you ask and take a bite of eggs into your mouth.
Joel pulls out a paper bag full of pastries and places each one carefully on a plate.
“Eggs are just about the only thing I can cook. I usually have a black cup of coffee on my way out the door, so my cook doesn't come until later. I always like to keep a few of these on hand, from the bakery down the street." Joel passes you the plate full of pastries and you pick out a fluffy croissant. When it's just Joel and you, it's easy to forget that he's insanely wealthy and amenities such as personal chefs are his norm.
“I would love a cup of that black coffee if you have it on hand." You smile and break the croissant in half, inhaling the buttery scent.
“How did you sleep?" Joel asks, pouring you a mug full of coffee.
“I slept amazingly. You'll have to tell me where you got your sheets. They are so soft," you tease.
Joel chuckles and sits down next to you, placing the coffee in front of you. He brushes back a piece of your hair and tucks it behind your ear. The simple action sends another wave of heat through you, and you have to remind yourself not to get used to this. You swallow hard.
“How did you sleep?" you ask.
“The best night's sleep I have gotten in a long time," he says with a smirk and a glance in your direction. You feel your cheeks burn at his insinuation.
“Me too," you admit, thinking about how great it felt just to sleep next to him.
You take a sip of the steaming coffee and continue working on your plate.
“So what have you been up to since I last saw you?" Joel asks as though you hadn't run away without saying goodbye.
“I have just been packing up the apartment and trying to remember everything I need to do before the move."
“Did you get everything taken care of that you needed to?"
“Yeah, for the most part," you say, glancing at him. You can't stop thinking about your night together.
“Have you gotten everything packed?" he asks with a hint of sadness in his voice, keeping his eyes on his food.
“Not everything, I am close, but I still have a few more things to sort out."
“I would offer to come to help you if I didn't have to work today. I have a meeting with investors, which I can't get out of."
“Oh, no, I would never ask you to miss work. I will just call a cab," you say quickly.
“Nonsense. I will have my driver take you home."
—
Joel helps you collect your clothes from the balcony and you use his bathroom to freshen up before he walks you downstairs. The same black car is waiting for you on the street in view of the lobby.
“I will call you later, babygirl. I promise," Joel says.
You nod and look up into his eyes with a small smile. Joel bends down and touches your lips to his. The kiss is soft and sweet; the heat lingers on your lips as the car pulls away from Joel standing on the sidewalk, watching you leave.
The drive goes fast on the way back to your apartment because you keep replaying the events of your night with Joel over and over again. You can feel your face heat up by the time you pull up to your building and Joel's driver opens your door for you.
“Thank you so much for the ride," you say with a smile, the driver nods but does not get back into the car.
“Is there something else?" you ask, confused.
“I have strict instructions to make sure you get into the building safely, Miss."
You give a weak smile and head into your building and up the stairs. As soon as you put your key in the lock, the door flies open. Both of your roommates are standing in the doorway with grins plastered on their faces.
“Somebody didn't come home last night. That better mean you have something to tell us," Lin says, she's nearly vibrating with excitement.
“I don't know what you mean. We just had a nice time catching up," you lie with a sly grin, and already know your roommates can see right through it.
“Oh, you two caught up last night alright. You slept with him, didn't you?" Aubrey says, and her smile gets even bigger.
“I did," you say barely above a whisper, your smile filling your face at the admission.
Both Lin and Aubrey squeal as they usher you inside and close the door.
“We need every single detail," Lin says.
“Fine, but I really need to shower first," you say, chuckling.
After your shower, the three of you sit down so you can spill the tea. You start off with the not so interesting parts and let it build.
“So everything started out on his balcony, where he kissed me. I was ready to rip his clothes right off his body but he wanted to take things slow. He said he wanted to memorize everything about me," you say, warming at the memory. “Since it was only for the night, I'm glad he made me slow down."
“And how is this man single?" Aubrey asks with a giggle.
“Honestly, I have no idea. The way he made me feel was like nothing I have ever experienced before. Plus, he made me breakfast this morning."
“We don't care about the breakfast! How was he?" Lin asks, waving her hand to make you move on.
“He was absolutely amazing, I think I actually left my own body at one point."
“How big is he?" Lin asks, leaning in closer with a grin.
You smack her arm lightly and start laughing, hard. “No way in hell am I going to tell you that!"
“It was worth a shot," Lin says with a mocking smile.
“Honestly, the sex was the best I have ever had. And it wasn't because of his size or his amazingly toned body, which it is by the way. It was the way he looked into my eyes that made me feel like I meant so much to him. I felt like he was seeing me for who I actually am, and adored every part of me. I haven't felt that way in such a long time," you gush as you wrap a towel around your wet hair.
Lin lets out an audible moan and falls back onto her unmade bed.
“Oh, you are so lucky. I don't know if I will ever find a man to look at me like that. Although, right now I could do with one with rock-hard abs," Lin says.
You laugh and toss a pillow over to Lin, and it flops onto her.
“It was absolutely amazing!" you continue daydreaming.
“So when are you seeing him again?" Aubrey asks.
“I kind of told him that it was a one-time thing…" you trail off.
“Why the hell would you do that?" Lin shoots straight up and practically shouts at you.
“In case you forgot, Lin, we are moving in just two days. How am I supposed to continue a relationship with him while he's living in New York?"
“You can't really believe that. The man is a billionaire, I am sure you would see him all the time if you really wanted to. You are just using moving as an excuse," Lin says. She stares you down until you can't take it anymore and look away. You make eye contact with Aubrey and can tell she feels the same way.
“It's complicated."
“We just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy," Aubrey says and reaches out to hold your hand.
“I want to be happy too, but there is so much standing in our way. I am moving away, his daughter absolutely hates me now, and not to mention our age gap. Plus, the creepy stalker situation."
“It doesn't matter how messy it is if he makes you happy," Lin offers.
You sit in silence as you soak in their support. A knock on the door echoes through the entire apartment, making your heart beat faster. You all look at each other with apprehension.
You rush to the door expecting Joel to be on the other side. You're ready to tell him that you want to give this, to give it a shot. There's no one at the door, so you stick your head out and look down the hallway, but still discover nothing. Just as you're about to shut the door, you notice a small piece of yellow paper taped to it. You peel the tape off of the door and turn the note over. In tiny, extremely neat handwriting are five words. These five words make your heart drop and chase all thoughts of a relationship with Joel from your mind.
You can't run from this.
JOEL.
Everything about you had been so wonderful, and Joel couldn't get the memory of your intimacy out of his head. He sighs, resting his cheek on his fist as he rides along in silence, anticipating a busy meeting with investors. Vultures, all of them, but they were a necessary evil. The only thoughts Joel wanted to have today were of you. Unfortunately, he didn't always get what he wanted.
He watches as buildings whiz by, the scent of street vendors and car exhaust heavy in the air. People wander along the sidewalks, chatting happily with one another, arms full of shopping bags. He sees a couple lean forward and lock lips, a sadness stabbing into his gut. That could be us, Joel thinks to himself, letting out a sigh and shaking his head. Things had to be so complicated. Money could solve most, if not all problems, so why not this?
The car pulls into the building, and the door is opened for him so he can make his way inside. Bland colors like muted whites, greys, and blacks greet him as he exits the elevator and walks down the halls in his formal tailored suit. He gives an absentminded nod toward the secretary, not thinking much of either this meeting, the people here, or the day, as his thoughts are strictly locked on you..
Well. That was until he recalls a rather recent memory regarding the secretary. He remembers her words regarding the wonderful, intelligent woman he had in his bedroom only last night. Before entering the meeting, he gives her a harsh glare out of the side of his eye, something she doesn't notice, as she is busy typing on the computer. Perhaps something would need to be done about her unfair and unwarranted treatment of you.
Joel smiles to himself, the thought of being rid of this new problem tantalizing. First, however, he needs to handle the circus that is the investors. Thankfully, the meeting goes quickly, the bored expressions of the investors only mildly infuriating. It takes a lot of determination and hard work to run this company, so to see people a bit less enthusiastic makes his stomach clench with annoyance. Now he can move on to more important matters. His hand flies toward his pants pocket as he feels a vibration, raising a brow. Could it be you? He wonders, at this point excited like a lost school boy. He's a mess. Joel Miller, a highly successful man in this dog-eat-dog world. Brought to his knees by a woman twenty years his junior, but what a woman you are. To him, that doesn't matter. Joel brings out his phone, his heart fluttering and a grin widening across his face as he realizes the message is from you. Perhaps you're texting in order to work things out? He's been interested in you before, with obvious worries due to the age gap, but is now convinced that if you both wanted to, you could work things out. He would never force you to do so. However, after actually reading the texts, his heart clenches, and he feels a pit in his stomach. His hopeful smile melts into a deep, angry scowl. That bastard is still active, more than ever now. Blaine needs to be stopped, his antics this time included leaving a letter for you that reads; You can't run from this.
Joel will make damn sure that he can't, either. He needs to figure out the status of this situation with his head of security. He clenches his jaw and resists the urge to throw his phone against the wall. Reacting that way wouldn't be helpful. Joel ignores the secretary's wary, surprised look as he briskly walks past her. No doubt, she sees his expression and posture. He will deal with her later.
Sending a text, he makes his way to another meeting room, this one private. He waits for Bruce to enter, taking a seat himself and leaning back in a cushioned chair. Bruce does, after what feels like hours but could only have been minutes.
“You want updates on the Blaine situation, sir?" Bruce asks, causing Joel to give a curt nod. Bruce sighs, shaking his head. “I have good news and bad news. Bad news first, we have no idea where he is located."
Joel puts a hand over his forehead and lets out a soft groan, the stress of the situation spawning a minor headache. “What could the good news possibly be in this situation," Joel asks, his voice laced with frustration.
The security head isn't phased, likely having expected this reaction. Rather, he dips his head, taking out his phone to turn toward Joel. His expression is grim, and there are shadows under his eyes. Perhaps this situation is taking its toll on him as well. Joel will bear that in mind for bonuses. Bruce will get a big one, if he can coherently help Joel take Blaine down, of course.
“We're sure the pictures have not been released to news outlets. My team has been watching this issue like hawks. No sign of the media getting their grubby hands on this. Your reputation is safe for now, sir," Bruce explains.
Joel sighs, muttering, “It isn't my reputation I'm worried about." He shakes his head, holding his face in his hands and thinking for a moment. After composing himself, Joel looks back toward Bruce and gives a nod. “Thank you for your hard work. I hope we'll be able to find him soon. He's been making my life a living hell, and I need to put a stop to it." Anger swells in Joel's chest at the lack of progress despite the 'good news', and not at the head of security by any means. He knows that the team is doing their best. Those not doing their best, however, are about to get punished, and hard. Joel runs his fingers through his hair, making his way out of the room and dismissing Bruce back to his current position.
Now, Joel is headed toward the front desk, his jaw tightened and his expression twisted into an incredibly deep scowl. He approaches the secretary, who is leaning back, likely slacking off as she sometimes does. That's whatever to him, as long as she gets her work done. Insulting you, however, is not included in her job description, and it tells him how she thinks of, and treats people in general.
Joel snarls at her, “You. You're fired."
“What? But, sir, I–"
“Did I stutter?" Joel asks dangerously. “Out. Now. You have five minutes to grab your things and go. If I return and see you here, I will address this with my head of security."
“Can you at least tell me what I did?" she asks, pouting as she stands up.
“Yes. You insulted someone who is very important to me because you thought you were better than her. Maybe this will teach you a lesson about treating people poorly. Now, out!"
She stares at him with a mixture of anger and horror, the latter expression doubtlessly winning out. There's no way she can touch him, not with the amount of power he holds. One moment she was on top of the world, abusing those below her, and the next, she's below the woman she mocked. Hopefully, Joel isn't emulating that. He ponders this for a split second, but then shakes his head. No. She deserved this after the treatment of you, but beyond that, it again shows that this behavior was likely not limited just to the one woman he cared for.
Joel makes his way into another room, taking a few turns in the hall before arriving at his assistant's desk side. His angry expression fades into one that is far more apologetic when he sees her typing away, stacks of papers to be organized on her desk. She looks up, puzzled, and tilts her head. “Sir?" she asks, taking her hands off the keyboard and leaning back.
There's no fear in her gaze, like some when they look upon him, given the position he holds. She knows him well enough that if she's actually diligent with work and a good person, he will return the kindness. Unfortunately, she's about to have something added to her workload. Guilt twists in Joel's stomach, but nothing can be done about that.
“I need a new secretary," he sighs. He adds, quickly, “I'll compensate you for your stress. I promise. A large bonus. I know it's a lot, and I truly appreciate your work."
His assistant sighs, glancing back to her computer. The slightest hint of frustration crosses her face, and Joel could have sworn the circles under her eyes got just a bit darker. Then, however, she smiles, letting out a chuckle. “Sure, Joel, I will get right to it. An extra day off or two added onto this bonus may help all of this stress, though."
“After we sort out the secretary thing and other pressing problems, yes. A week off, fully paid, and that bonus. How does that sound?" Joel asks hopefully.
She grins, giving him a thumbs up. Joel sighs in relief, glad that at least, that was taken care of.
Glancing at the time on his cell phone, he realizes he has lunch with Todd and Sarah. What fun that would be. Seeing Todd again after everything he's learned about him is less than appealing. Joel gets into his car, leaning against the door and staring out into the bright, sunny day.
What he wouldn't give to be with you right now, learning even more about you, talking about plans for the future. Joel licks his lips, shaking his head. Speak of the devil, though. On his way to the restaurant for lunch, his phone rings once more, and it's you.
His heart flutters seeing your name, but he knows this is serious. “Hello?" he asks, a hint of caution in his tone.
“Joel," you breathe from the other line. “You got my text, right? I'm so scared. Can we please talk? I really want to see you again to go over this."
“Yes, we can," Joel confirms, happy to be able to see you again, but sad to hear the stress in your tone. Given the circumstance, it's understandable. “I'll have Bruce pick you up. See you soon."
YOU.
Your heart pounds with anxiety as you wait on the sidewalk, leaning against a brick wall and shuddering despite the warmth of the sun. Your reputation is currently at major risk. Your stomach clenches, swirling with negative emotions and sheer, utter fear. You've worked so hard to get where you are, to lead a successful life, and now this could ruin it all. You don't want to be stuck in a low-paying job, barely scraping by. Is Joel a curse or a blessing at this point? No, you can't think like that. Blaine is the one causing issues, not Joel.
The memories of kissing and fucking Joel flood back, and you recall how good it felt, how cared for you felt. You lick your lips, remembering the way Joel ravaged you in bed, allowing your eyelids to droop just a little. For a moment, you cap the fear, but that only lasts briefly before the wave of negative emotions crashes over you again. You start to pace, trying to reassure yourself that everything will work out. Surely your life can't be ruined by one picture, can it? But deep down, you know the truth. This is terrible.
By the time Bruce arrives to help you into the car, tears are streaming down your cheeks. You quickly wipe them away, not wanting your emotions to be so plainly visible by the time you arrive. It will be hard to hide your feelings from Joel, but you're too distraught to care at this point. You click your seatbelt into place, lean against the leather seat, and stare out the window, trying to distract yourself from the inevitable.
Above, the sun begins to be obscured by clouds, a fitting metaphor for your mood. The greys of the asphalt mix with the bland white and black buildings you rush by, their windows dark, mostly covered by curtains from the inside.nYou pass a murder of crows picking at roadkill, twisting your stomach at the sight. Though all of this is mundane, it only serves to worsen your mood. The patter of rain on the windows confirms the approaching storm, accompanied by distant rumbling. You hug yourself, close your eyes, and try to calm down.
When you arrive at Joel's house, the sight of it in all its extravagance would usually excite you. You adore seeing Joel. But with the recent problems caused by your complicated relationship, it doesn't feel the same as when you left. Bruce leads you to the door and politely steps back, waiting for Joel's protocol. You hesitate but eventually knock, convincing yourself that texting would be silly given you're right here.
Moments later, Joel opens the door. Your breath catches as you stare up at him, momentarily lost in his eyes before snapping back to reality. Memories of your night in bed come flooding back, distracting you, but you know you need to stay focused. This is a horrible occasion, but even within this tiny pocket of time, you convince yourself that surely he can help. You make that decision just by looking at him, even if it feels a bit naive. After taking a deep breath, you reach into your purse and pull out the note for him to see in person.
A mixture of emotions crosses Joel's face. His lips twist into a scowl, his brow furrowing, reflecting the mood of the storm. Another rumble of thunder causes you to jump a little, but Joel has no reaction. He slips the note into his pocket and fixes his eyes on you. His scowl fades into a worried frown, his deep eyes gleaming with concern.
"Babygirl," he begins, biting his lip, probably searching for the right words. A silence stretches as he seems to lose his words again. You break the silence after placing a hand on your forehead and dragging it down your face. You will the tears to hold back this time because you need to keep your tone steady and convey how you're feeling.
After taking a deep breath, you say, "Joel, I'm frightened about what this could do to my reputation. That note definitely indicates action will be taken soon. I really want us to work out, but with that horrible person causing all this stress and danger to my life as I know it, I'm on edge and losing it."
This time, you can't stop the tears. They well up in your eyes and slowly glide down your cheeks. Joel stares at you for a moment, probably at a loss for words. Once again, silence stretches. Say something, you think to yourself, biting your lip and quickly reaching up to wipe away more tears. You raise your eyebrows, hoping he has all the answers. Sadly, he appears as lost as you are, his head hanging slightly, his body tense.
"I will take care of you. Just put your career aside, for now. Not forever. Let me help you. It will be fine, we can work this out," Joel finally says, causing you to inwardly groan.
That's not what you wanted to hear. You don't want to have to rely on him all the time. You don't want to put your dreams aside for some storybook relationship that may not work out, leaving you with nothing. You've worked too hard in life for this, spending countless hours in school to become a lawyer. Your dreams are crumbling right before your eyes. Is it because of Joel? An inner voice tells you no, it isn't. He has nothing to do with this. By how he treats you, you know he loves you back and wants to do everything in his power to make this work. But this situation has escalated beyond his control.
You shake your head, crossing your arms as he motions into the house. "Please. Follow me, at least. Let's talk this out," he pleads. You oblige, the pit in your stomach growing heavier.
You walk through the house, your eyes falling upon the fancy carpeting and light fixtures, still finding some comfort in them despite this situation. Truthfully, you need to start letting this go. You need to let it all go. With your mind stuck here, with him, there's no way to move on with your life and advance the way you want to. As much as your heart breaks having to admit that, you know you need to be a lawyer more than anything.
You take a seat at a table across from him as he raises a brow. "Eggs?" he asks sheepishly, causing you to smile despite the circumstances.
But that smile quickly fades into a frown as tears begin to flow once more. This time, you don't bother wiping them away. You take a deep breath and make the decision you need to. Steeling yourself, you look him in the eye and say in a very serious tone, "Look, Joel, we can't do that. I can't do that. I have to do this for myself. How can I rely on you all the time? How can you take care of me through all of this?"
"Baby, I have plenty of money and resources. I can easily take care of you; you don't need to worry about all of this," Joel says, his voice tinged with a pleading tone.
"I am not some child in need of being taken care of. I can't spend my days longing for the beach billionaire only to have my independence and dreams threatened. I want to be a lawyer for myself, not for the money. If my reputation is shattered, so is my life. I am sorry it has to be this way, but this has gone too far, and I need to say goodbye."
"What? No, wait, I–"
You're not listening at that point. Tears are pouring down your cheeks as you stand up quickly, whirling and bolting down the hall. You don't care if you're running away from your problems now. You don't care if you're running away from him while at the same time wanting to fall into his arms and tell him you'd drop everything so that he could care for you. You need to do this for yourself and not be caged by this nightmare.
The expression on his face, that brief glimpse of utter grief, has your heart pounding. You burst out the front door and hurry down to Bruce, sniffling and letting out a few whimpering sobs. You feel as though you're melting. The pattering rain makes you sopping wet, which does the opposite of helping the situation. You lock eyes with Bruce and gulp. "Please. Take me home. Just take me home."
He nods, thankfully asking no questions, and opens the door for you. You get in and rest your forehead against the window, shuddering with sobs. Bruce graciously raises the privacy screen, though you catch a sympathetic glance from him in the rearview mirror.
Strands of your hair fall into your face, but you don't care. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to calm yourself down after that horrible decision. How could you just walk away from Joel? He was so great, but you were just too scared. Scared of losing what you've worked so hard for, even if you do love him. You had to do this for yourself. You hate how much you still love him. You hate how you want this to work out. But most of all, you hate that you need to leave him. All of this is what's best for you, though.
As the car pulls out of the driveway and drives off, you glimpse Joel standing there, watching you leave, his shoulders slumped. He stands in the rain, not moving, letting himself get soaked. He watches you drive away until you can no longer see each other.
You manage to calm yourself down at your apartment, telling Lin and Aubrey that you really can't talk right then because your head isn't in the best spot. You drown yourself in books, particularly those of law, to remind yourself just how important this is to you. You can't let some lovestruck incident stop you from chasing your dreams. When you finally look at the clock, it's 11:03 PM. You gasp, surprised at just how well losing yourself in rounding out your studies has worked to eat up time.
Tossing and turning in your bed, you can't get Joel's expression out of your head. Everything about that situation makes you feel horrible.
Did you make the right decision?
You still feel that strong urge to contact Joel again and apologize for how you behaved. Running back would achieve the opposite of what you want, though. You have to let this all go. You can do that, right? Judging by how closely you clutch your pillow that night, imagining it's Joel, you aren't so sure.
The next morning, you wake up, yawning and rubbing your eyes. The smell of fresh bacon hits your nose, causing your stomach to rumble. Through all of this stress, you find yourself eating less than you should lately. You really should pay attention to your health. All of this stress is, no doubt, horrible for you. You enter the kitchen area, looking over to Aubrey. Her eyes sparkle with concern as she stares you down, tilting her head.
“How are you?" she asks with hesitation, as if concerned the question would shatter you to pieces.
You respond with a shrug. “Been better. My focus is on packing. We have a lot to finish," you offer.
Aubrey nods, finishing breakfast up and serving you at the table. She sits down across from you, munching on the scrumptious bacon and gesturing for you to help yourself. That you do, something you definitely don't regret. Cooked to perfection and warming your stomach at least a little bit, the bacon helps ease you even if only a smidgeon. You're grateful for the silence during eating, though, as you're still gathering your thoughts.
When all is finished, you return to packing. You haul some books and pack them into some boxes neatly, letting out a light sigh. Lin joins you soon, her cheerful expression fading upon seeing your face. Are there circles under your eyes? Probably. You went to bed at a less-than-reasonable hour. Not to mention, you tossed and turned all night, which probably contributed to how slow you are right now.
You break the awkward silence first. “I was very harsh with Joel yesterday," you begin.
Lin gasps, taken aback by this. “The same guy you said you had amazing sex with? But why?" she asks. Aubrey leans forward, flabbergasted by this knowledge as well. You nod, biting your lip and feeling tears coming on again. You cry a lot lately, don't you?
“Because it isn't working out," you say with a short tone, gathering your bearings. A few items in boxes later, you decide to elaborate. “My reputation is at risk. I really want to become a lawyer, guys. I am so scared. I got a threatening note, and if pictures get out of us together, I'll be done for. You know how the media is. I will never be able to practice. My dreams are at risk of being completely destroyed," you mutter.
Aubrey and Lin exchange a glance, probably debating how to approach this. You glance up toward them, waiting for their response. Your arms are a little bit achy from moving some of the heavier objects into the boxes, but you make do. Probably best to rest after these final days of packing.
“And you're sure, dude, you're completely miserable." Aubrey asks softly. You hesitate but slowly nod. Her eyes have a skeptical spark to them, but she dips her head. “I'll take your word for it even if you seem a little unsure. The stress is getting to you. I can tell."
“Yeah," Lin agrees. “The way you talked about him was hot. I still wish I had a guy like that, but if it's not going to work out, then it's best to move on. Moving will probably be the best thing that can happen."
“New York isn't a good place to be right now," Aubrey adds, her nose wrinkling. “So many problems, and on top of all this? Thank goodness Cambridge is quiet. At least, it should be quieter. Look, I'll hold the fort for you here. You promise to stay in contact, though?"
Realizing you're losing one of your close friends, you tear up all over again. The best you can do is nod. You spread your arms, and your two friends rush over to you. One group hug and many tears later, you pull away from them. You place your hands on Aubrey's shoulders. “Lin and I are going to miss you so much, we will absolutely stay in contact. How could we not, you're like our sister?"
You all hug again, crying at splitting up. It had been you three against the world for so long. The sadness is interrupted by your need to load the Uhaul. That's even worse than carrying all of the heavy boxes around, admittedly. The conversation turns from the obvious panic-inducing subject of the Joel situation to brighter, happier topics. At least there isn't a cloud in the sky above this time, making the move a bit more pleasant.
You smile and enter the apartment, wanting to take one last break before heading out with the final boxes. The stormy mood hanging around your head is at least starting to dissipate.
Lin and Aubrey take a seat before you, munching on some ham sandwiches for lunch. Lin eyes you and asks, “You ever think about writing a book or something? Your life sounds like a movie."
After a harsh look from Aubrey, Lin grins sheepishly and coughs. “Er, this will hopefully be a happy ending."
You chuckle, shaking your head and wiping away some sweat from your forehead with the back of your hand. “No, but I should, shouldn't I?" You chuckle.
Then, you sober a bit. “We don't need to avoid the subject if you have questions, though. I can tell there's something on the tip of your tongue."
Lin glances over to Aubrey, who shakes her head. Evidently your friend decides to ask the question anyway. “Do you think he will follow you? How bad was your fight, anyway? You said very harsh but that could mean a lot."
Aubrey leans over and elbows her, and Lin gives her a look that says, What? We were both wondering that.
You sigh and shake your head. “I don't think he will. At least, I hope not. I will put my foot down and tell him to go away if he does. Even if I really, really don't want to."
Aubrey's eyes sparkle with sympathy as she stares at you. “Still in love, huh? Not every day you find a man that looks at you the way you described. But, again, you should do what's best for you. Before everything else. There will be other men out there! If you think this won't work out, yeah, moving on is good. Not awesome, but good." You nod, wanting to take your friend's advice to heart and not put yourself in any more danger.
“We are really going to miss you Aubrey, life won't be the same without your great advice and support," you say and Lin nods in agreement.
“Yeah, who's going to keep my mouth in check now?" Lin says with a grin, though tears are in her eyes.
“No more crying!" Aubrey says, and you all laugh. It's going to be hard to leave this, your friendship means so much to you all. You try not to think about what Lin said. But you can't stop the thoughts running through your mind now.
What if he does follow you? Will you really tell him to go away? Or will you cave? This really isn't his fault, at all, but regardless of who's causing the issue, you together can't work.
You feel your heart clench at that, really, really not wanting to accept it. Thankfully, there's no way he would show up anywhere soon. He's too busy, right?
You finish up your break with the other two, exchanging hugs again. They each take a few heavy boxes and head out to the Uhaul, grunting at how heavy they are.
As Aubrey passes you, she says, “You really take your studies seriously, huh? I'm glad you did what's best for you in that case, because just by all of this, your career being in danger would obviously crush you. Even more so than these heavy boxes are crushing me."
You have to laugh at her antics.
Placing the last box at the bottom of the moving truck, you wipe more sweat from your brow and smile to yourself. You can look to the future, leave this place behind, and start anew. You have so much going for you. All of this drama will be behind you soon. So will Joel. You bite your lip, not liking that thought. Maybe you should have been nicer as opposed to storming out like that. “Very harsh," you whisper to yourself.
“Uh…hey?" you hear Lin's voice.
You're resting there, staring at a box, lost in thought. Letting out a sigh, you wave your hand without turning around. “Give me a minute, please," you respond, wanting to gather your bearings once more. All of your swarming thoughts keep contradicting you, after all.
“I don't think we have a minute. Someone is here to see you," she says. You furrow your brow and roll your shoulders back, turning to see what in the world she could be talking about.
Your eyes widen and your jaws drop as you spot a very familiar face. Your entire body tenses, and your breath catches as you take in the man standing before you. The man you'd driven away from and left there in tears only a day before. He wears a forlorn, lost expression, guilt seeping from every pore.
“Joel," you breathe. “What are you doing here?"
JOEL.
Seeing you again, so gorgeous in every way, brought back painful memories that, just hours before, he had said goodbye to. Yet here he is, staring you down with likely an incredibly pleading expression. A pit forms in his stomach as he wonders if this is disrespecting your wishes about space. He doesn't walk any closer to you, even though he very much wants to take you into his arms and hold you close. He swallows and lets out a soft sigh, opening his mouth to start.
“Babygirl, I–"
“Joel, what are you doing here? You–"
“I know, it–"
“Seeing you here again, I–"
“I wanted to talk about–"
You both stop, getting nowhere since your words are being tangled by talking over one another. He has the delight of seeing an amused glint in your eyes. You bring your hand up to your lips, covering your mouth for a moment in amusement before clearing your throat and letting out a sigh. Your expression hardens as, no doubt, you decide to stand your ground. Rolling your shoulders back, you lift your chin, regarding him with a small degree of wariness.
“Go ahead, Joel. I'll hear you out," you say, nearly causing Joel to collapse with relief. He has one last chance to make things right, and he needs to make it count. This isn't about him; this is about you. You deserve the life you've strived for. You're an intelligent, beautiful woman, and it's not his place to get in the way of that. Steeling his resolve, he does as you ask, nodding and refocusing his mind on the issue at hand.
“I was wrong," he starts, watching as you raise a brow. “I should have never asked you to put your dreams on hold for me. It was selfish. I was blinded by my feelings for you, which in the end, would have harmed you. You will still have the position at the law firm I helped you obtain, though your merits were more than enough. I understand none of this is about the money. It is about you being you, going out there and helping people like you have always wanted to. Making a name for yourself. I apologize for being too dense to realize that."
Tears brew in your eyes that you reach up to quickly wipe away. He watches your shoulders sag and listens to the little sniffle you give as you process everything he's telling you. Several emotions flash across your face right then. The first is surprise, followed by acceptance, and finally cautious happiness. You wear a soft smile, moments later not bothering to wipe away the tears.
He has a feeling they turn from panicked and sad to tears of a more positive nature right then. He can't help but feel hopeful at this and a smile slowly creeps across his face.
“Thank you," you breathe, taking a few steps forward and hesitating. “Can I give you a hug?" His heart skips a beat, and he nods, delighted for this chance. It will likely be among the last ones you and him exchange, as he is not going to get in the way of your dreams, though he has deep feelings for you.
You continue, “I'm really happy you came to see me. I tried letting go of everything, but it was so hard, Joel."
He wraps his arms around you as you bury your face into his chest. The smell of sweet perfume wafts into his face, causing his entire body to relax. Everything about you is angelic, beautiful, and perfect. He wants to sweep you off your feet and take you away, to treat you like the princess you are, but he knows those thoughts are unreasonable. Rather, he holds you there for several moments before finally breaking the silence after a thought of seeing you for longer comes to him.
“Would… you like to have one last bit of extravagance with me before you start your new life in Cambridge? No strings attached. Just a night of fun for you, to rest your mind after all the stress you have been dealing with," he says.
Even if the stress was due to him, in some part at least, perhaps this all would help. You would know you were going to a better place following the night, if you accepted, anyway. He knows you don't want him to ruin your chances at law school, but he really doesn't want to let you go. The thought of never seeing you again after tonight makes his heart ache. He looks at you, trying to hide his desperation to be with you from his expression.
After a long pause, you pull away and look into his eyes. His heart drops, considering the high possibility you will decline. You have every right to, after all, given all that has happened. He opens his mouth to assure you that he would understand entirely if you said no, but you raise a hand to stop him, your smile widening. “Yes. I think that would be good for me, Joel. Thank you. Plus… I miss you. I am sorry for storming out the way I did," you mutter.
“Oh, I deserved it," he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was not putting you first or thinking of how hard you worked to achieve your goals. But I am delighted you decided to come with me."
Right then, rounding the corner are two women, your roommates. Seeing him, your jaws drop for a moment. One walks up to you, quickly, putting herself between him and you. You say, “Lin! What are you doing?"
Lin replies, “Making sure you're alright! You came home a wreck, and now this guy is here? He's the one you left, isn't he? Looks like how you described him."
“Yes, but we talked it out. I… want to spend one last evening with him. It's something he offered to do," you say.
Lin steps aside, crossing her arms and furrowing her brow. She looks over to the other girl and gestures to him and you.
“What do you think, Aubrey?" Lin asks.
The other girl, Aubrey, shakes her head, looking toward you. “Is this healthy? Are you sure you are not in danger? He clearly seems to care, but what about the stalker?" she says, side-eyeing him. “We just want to make sure you're okay."
He can't blame them, and this is not his place to intervene. He steps aside, waiting for you to explain the situation. Trying to interject and defend himself would not be wise at this point.
You give your friends a very sad smile. “Hey, I appreciate how much you two care. I know. I was a mess. I still am. But Joel apologized, he understands my dreams come first. It's goodbye after one last night. I'm not changing course or anything. I'm not dropping my plans. I just can't deny my emotions for him anymore. Really, I need this," you tell them.
He blinks in surprise, honored you would defend him in front of your friends the way you did.
Lin appears skeptical as she exchanges a glance with Aubrey. The sun shines down on all four of you, just a few clouds in the sky right now. The temperature is mild, so the atmosphere itself at least isn't making things worse.
A car rumbles by, its mechanical growls breaking the silence that had settled on your group. You're out of the way and on the sidewalk, so you're not disrupting anyone, at least.
Finally, Aubrey speaks up. “If you think this is what's best for you, then we support you," she says. “I know you won't walk away from your dreams for anyone, no matter how dreamy he may be. But be careful, okay?" Her eyes fall upon him, and there's a dangerous glint to them he rarely sees in any expression from another toward him that doesn't relate to his wealth. “As for you, don't play with her emotions or steer her away from what she truly wants. Understand?"
He nods, aware she is dead serious and wondering if that was a threat. Not that he's opposed. This is a caring gesture for you, and he's relieved you have friends like this that care deeply. “I do," he replies. “I know I was wrong, I was just scared for her and tried to protect her the only way I know. It wasn't the right way, though. And it will never happen again."
He hopes they believe him because it's all true. He would never ask you to sacrifice your dreams for him; it isn't fair to you.
“I will arrange for someone to drive your belongings to Cambridge and set up your apartment while we spend one last night together. Lin, if you'd like, they can set your stuff up there as well."
Lin and Aubrey exchange another glance and nod. Lin says, “Thank you, I'll take you up on that! Remind me to find a guy like you when I have to move again."
This lightens the mood, causing all of you to laugh. Thank goodness, the situation could have turned fairly complicated very fast. True to his word, he makes a call to his assistant, arranging for your things to be taken care of. One last thing to worry about.
When the other two women leave, you and he are left there together, silent and just staring into each other's eyes. He finds himself lost in yours, tilting his head and cupping your cheek.
God, you are beautiful. His breath catches just looking at you. He can't believe just how lucky he was to have found you, and that you found it in your heart to forgive him even if he's drowning in guilt over not putting your wishes first.
“Kiss me?" you ask in a hush tone, and he can't help but to oblige. He leans down and presses his lips against yours, stars practically rushing through his entire body. He is lost in all of you during that kiss, emotions swirling and skin crackling with chemistry. You eventually have to pull away for air, sadly, and you let out a soft sigh.
“Thank you," you whisper.
He smiles at you, taking you into another hug. “No. Thank you, babygirl."
He will make it count and see your smile light up the area again. Nothing is too much for you, and he is going to pull out all the stops. He looks at you and smiles. “One last night together," you sigh and smile up at him.
One last night together.
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[[and then I met you || ch 22]]
Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit
Summary:
A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to not only protect his new family from Hell's Kitchen, but from the world.
chapter masterlist
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It takes you a little over an hour to get Minnie to go down for bed. Tomorrow is her birthday party and to say she is excited is an understatement. She was practically jumping off the walls and it took three different books, a bottle, and two lullabies to finally get her to drift off. You are thankful when she doesn’t sit up again and call for you after five minutes, because you have a lot to do.
You need to clean up the apartment and decorate, you need to prepare pancake batter for a princess style breakfast, you need to finish wrapping presents, and you need to set up the couch for Matt. He will be coming by after his Patrol so he can stay the night and Minnie can wake up to the surprise of him being there, which is the perfect way to start her celebratory weekend.
But before any of that, you need to go take a shower so you can have a proper breakdown.
When you were younger, you believed crying was a sign of weakness. Your parents had treated it as such, always dismissive if you cried. The reason had never mattered - shedding tears was pointless and for children, so you had learned to bottle everything up and push it all down until the act of crying physically hurt you. Only very recently did you accept that crying is healthy.
You still hate doing it, though, and the only way you have found to balance your shame and your need for that emotional release is to treat it like another task you need to accomplish.
You triple check your daughter is truly asleep before you close the door to the bathroom and start the water. You keep yourself composed as you strip and only once you are under the spray do you let the tears start to fall.
So much has happened in such a short time and your anxiety has been through the roof.
The first bill for your hospital stay arrived today and you have been too scared to open it. You are terrified to go back into medical debt - giving birth in the United States had drained a lot of your savings and you have built it back up. You know there are all sorts of hidden fees, and you are going to need to do so much work contacting the various billing offices to try to get prices down.
It isn’t even like you are fully recovered from being in the hospital in the first place. You only just finished your antibiotics last week and your ear still randomly throbs or rings.
But honestly, you don’t know if that is from being sick or almost having your head bashed in.
You thought you would be okay after the attack. You thought Minnie would be the one with problems - having nightmares and jumping at shadows - but after the first day of making sure you were okay, she’s been fine. You haven’t been.
You’ve been plagued with nightmares about hands around your neck. You’ve been jumping at shadows when you leave the apartment.
You keep constantly checking your locks and you debate ordering pepper spray.
You don’t know what to do.
You aren’t okay.
You don’t feel safe.
The only time you have felt secure is when Matt was there to hold you and remembering such only signals your brain to send a new wave of tears.
He confuses you in a way no one else ever has.
You have never met anyone who cares so much before. It is overwhelming how much he loves Hell’s Kitchen - enough so to become a vigilante to protect it - and it is overwhelming how much he loves Minnie. You thought only you could love her that much.
Seeing them together does things to your heart you don’t understand. You just want to watch them play and bond until the end of time. They smile and laugh, and it is the only time you ever feel Whole. You feel like everything is perfect when the three of you are together.
You don’t know what to make of that. You don’t trust yourself with it - you’ve never felt like that before and you are scared that if you think too hard about it, you’ll find a flaw and the feeling will be ruined.
You just want Matt to hold you while the two of you watch Minnie play and that isn’t an okay fantasy for you to have. You don’t have that type of relationship with him.
He is a naturally touchy person with a huge heart. You’ve seen him hug Karen and Foggy before and you know he has only ever wrapped his arms around you to comfort you.
And he wants to comfort you because you are the mother of his child. He wouldn’t be around if it weren’t for Minnie and that is something you need to remind yourself of.
Matt loves Minnie. Family is extremely important to him, and he has told you time and time again that he strives to be the best dad possible for her - so of course that means he needs to take care of you and make sure you have a positive relationship.
If you and Matt butt heads, that wouldn’t be what was best for Minnie.
You need to do what is best for Minnie.
Which means you need to stop crying and get to work.
You wipe at your tears until they start to slow, then wash your face while still under the spray. It takes a minute or two for you to fully calm down, but once you do, it is like the tap is turned off. Crying time is over, so you stop your shower and quickly dry off so you can get dressed.
You feel better, but in a kind of dull way. It is like all the pressures in your life have been turned down to something more manageable and you know you will be able to focus on your tasks without slipping into a panic attack.
The apartment is not nearly as dirty as you believed it to be. You have to straighten some things up and you take the time to wipe down all the flat surfaces, but after that, you start putting things up. There’s a pink and yellow Happy Birthday banner and you blow up a few inflatables you found shaped like flowers and stick them to the walls. You twirl streamers together to decorate the back of the couch and the dining chairs, and your favorite piece is the pink sparkle fringe to hang over the hallway entrance. It isn’t the most elaborate of set ups, but you know Minnie will love it and that is all that matters to you.
Once your living space is Birthday themed, you turn to the kitchen. You went shopping today to make sure you had everything needed for a spectacular breakfast. You found a recipe for extra fluffy pancakes, and it seems easy enough - it calls for letting the batter rest overnight and you particularly like that as it is one less thing to do in the morning while trying to handle a rowdy toddler.
It doesn’t take long to get everything prepped and before you know it, it has been close to two hours since you put Minnie down to sleep and you feel it is finally safe to bring her presents out of their hidey holes to be wrapped.
She has grown a bit since you last bought her clothes, so you got her a nice little haul, including a new princess dress for her to wear to the zoo. It has sparkles and tulle and the dress comes with a matching crown you just know she won’t want to take off. You are extremely proud of the find.
You didn’t just get her clothes, though. Minnie has been more and more interested in helping you cook, so you got her a little kitchen play set. It comes with pots and pans, knives, utensils, bowls, plates, and some fake food. You thought it would be fun to have her practice her skills - she’s a pro at helping you stir and mix, and she knows how to use a butter knife to cut up fruit. You hope she enjoys pretending to wash her dishes, so you lure you into helping into that part of cooking, but you don’t think anyone finds that chore fun.
Before you can start wrapping, you need to go through everything and remove all the tags and stickers. It is a boring activity that takes far too long, so you decide you are going to multitask while doing so. You grab your laptop and notebook and settle down among your pile of bags.
Since your talk with Matt about Daredevil, you have been in research mode. The first few nights, you read every article you could find about the Devil. You started with the reputable sources - purely focusing on news reports - and once you had a timeline of events down, you switched to opinion pieces. You quickly ended up sorting those into three categories - positive outlooks, negative outlooks, and outlooks written by Karen Page.
You took notes on everything - making pro and con lists on each major event and circling back to jot down questions you had. You felt insane - and frankly a little invasive - but it was how you processed things. You wanted it all laid out nicely in front of you so you could come to your own conclusions.
But to get to that final conclusion, you still have a lot of internet sleuthing to do, so you open up a new internet tab.
One of the most important things you want to know about Daredevil is how real people feel about him. Published articles are always biased - it is in their nature to be based purely on who produces them - but social media lets the mass in on the conversation. You learned that well after the Attack on New York.
You remember the majority of the news singing praise for the Avengers and how they saved the Earth - which you truly did appreciate - but no one came and spoke to the people whose lives had been ruined. Sure, they talked about how much destruction had happened and how much it would cost to rebuild, but no one had mentioned how Hell’s Kitchen and Chelsea had been almost flattened. No one cared about the low-cost homes that had been destroyed or the poor people crushed in debris - not when they could talk about the Big Bank buildings the Hulk had run through. Why talk about those genuinely affected when you could bring in a mouthpiece who was halfway across the world?
Iron Man didn’t give two shits about the people whose lives he saved. If he did, he’d help them in the aftermath, and he didn’t. None of the Heroes did - they started going around the world while an uncaring government was left to clean up the mess. Repairs went to the lowest bidder and many things were deemed too expensive and just left to crumble.
But only internet forums and ten second social media videos talked about that.
Matt talks so passionately about helping people in Hell’s Kitchen, so you need to know if it is real, or just all a puff piece.
You look first into the forums and to your surprise, there is a whole section for New York vigilantes. You resist the urge to dive into the threads about Spider-Man and the Hero of Harlem and you have to scroll to the bottom of the front page to find something about Daredevil.
It is CCTV footage of Daredevil chasing off what looks to be some teenagers trying to rob a pawn shop and there are a few dozen comments under it. You smile as you start to read them - the majority of it is praise for Matt, with the few negative comments being about the quality of footage.
And each thread you find about Daredevil is like that. You expected to see issues with excessive force like you saw in the opinion pieces, but there is nothing. People who you can tell are locals all comment about how he doesn’t hurt kids, and his punishments reflect the severity of the crime. Muggers get a few good swats while those who commit domestic violence are given as good as they gave. It is gang members and real dangers who end up in the hospital. There are about a handful of posts giving firsthand accounts of how the Devil helped them - ranging from them being in serious danger to Matt helping a drunk woman safely get a cab.
From what you can see, the people who post in this forum like the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen and genuinely feel safer with him around. The site is a little niche, though, so you switch to a more popular platform to see if you can find different opinions and different opinions you find.
Just not the ones you expected.
There is a new picture of the Devil that has gained traction in his tag that is rather good quality - Matt is squatting on a roof, seemingly observing a street, and is framed in such a way to show off his lower half. His thighs, which you know are all muscle, are highlighted wonderfully and the angle of the photo only emphasizes his backside. His upper back and shoulders are all in shadow, but you can tell just how broad they are.
Twitter absolutely loves the image, and you think you have to agree with them. You can feel your cheeks heating up and you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from the screen.
Matt is beyond physically attractive, and it is no wonder the internet is lusting after him. There is a litany of lewd comments from multiple people and one made by a user with a cartoon frog as their profile picture has your core twitching and you quickly hide your face in your hands.
“imagine him bending you over a rooftop and fucking you until all you can do is drool ♥”
You don’t want to think dirty thoughts about Matt. It makes you feel awkward and guilty but mostly they make you Want, and you desperately want to bat that away.
You very obviously have slept with him before and know what a good lover he is. You know what his skin feels like against yours and your mouth goes dry at the memory of how loudly he moaned while between your legs. His stamina is no joke, and you can only imagine it has improved since he’s started being a vigilante.
You have no doubt he could easily fuck someone stupid.
You tell yourself you can’t think like this - you are supposed to be researching Daredevil to figure out how you feel about Matt being a vigilante - not ogling pictures of his ass and remembering your night together.
You gently smack your cheeks a few times and tell yourself to focus.
That only serves to make you more flush, so you make the executive decision that you have had enough screen time for the night and slam shut your laptop.
You have removed all the tags from the clothes, and you only have a few UPC stickers to pull off fake food, so you hurry through those so you can get to actually wrapping presents and not thinking about what you saw.
It is easy for you to get quickly lost in this new activity. Your perfectionist nature has you needing to make sure every crease is even and crisp and that each present looks picturesque, and you can't do that while distracted. Your thoughts shift from the way Matt’s breath felt against your skin to how many gifts Minnie has and how each one needs to look unique.
You know Minnie is going to tear through them like a wildfire, but it is important to you to make sure love is poured into everything.
You never got that as a child. Your birthdays were practical affairs and more often than not your present was to go clothes shopping, so you didn’t get to unwrap things or have that grand surprise. You don’t want that for Minnie. You want her to feel like an absolute princess on her special day and if that means rewrapping the same present four times to make it perfect, then that is what you will do.
You are finalizing bow placements on the gift bags you had to use for odd shaped items when your phone vibrates with an alert.
For a split second you are confused - it is rather late, and you’ve muted most app notifications - but then you remember Matt is meant to be coming over.
You don’t know how it could have slipped your mind and embarrassment burns through you.
How are you going to face him after staring at a picture of his ass until your brain broke?
You hesitate to check your phone, but when you do, you obviously have a text from him saying he is on his way. You groan to yourself, wondering how you can save yourself from this awkward situation?
Maybe you can go to bed early. You aren’t at all tired - you usually are up for another few hours - but you have a long weekend ahead of you. You will need rest.
In your bed.
Where Matt will not be.
Because, for the first time in a while, he will be sleeping on the couch.
Which you still need to prepare.
You finish fussing with Minnie’s bounty of presents and set about arranging them up the Happy Birthday banner like it is a Christmas tree. You have to resist your urge to nitpick and instead turn your focus to cleaning up your mess. You hurriedly shove the pile of trash you made into a bag so you can toss it and your wrapping supplies are tucked into the back of the closet, where they will live until you need them again.
You do a quick once over to make sure everything is neat and birthday ready before you fetch your spare pillow and blanket.
You try to not feel guilty as you start making up the couch. You know it isn’t the most comfortable and Matt will probably be sore after doing God knows what all night, but you can’t offer him your bed again. There is no reason for him to be in your bed. As frantic as you are, you don’t need any comforting.
You just need to stop thinking.
But not in that way.
“Stop,” you hiss at yourself. “Stop being a slut. Pure thoughts. Have pure thoughts.”
Scolding yourself does not work as well as you mean it to and all you can do is pour your concentration into folding and refolding the blanket. You roll it up tight first like it is a sleeping bag, then you think that is stupid, so you fold it into a triangle. You realize that is trying way too hard, so into a square it goes.
The knock at the door startles you and to your credit, you don’t scream.
You do, however, bury your face into your hands again and take a deep breath. You are panicking over nothing. Everything is just fine. You are overthinking.
You mentally chant that mantra as you go to the door. You hesitate to open it, needing the extra moment to center yourself, and you are surprised you don’t automatically close it again at the sight of Matt.
His normal daytime attire is a suit, and he wears them like a model, but you much prefer him dressed down as he is now. He’s in a t-shirt and joggers, with a five o’clock shadow and fluffed up hair, and he looks devastatingly handsome. He looks friendly and soft, but everything is just tight enough to show off how toned he is.
Your body reacts exactly like it did to the picture, but this time you can’t hide.
So, you run instead.
“Come on in,” you practically squeak out before hurrying to get out of his way. He’s got a gym bag with him - probably to carry his clothes for tomorrow - and your entryway isn’t the largest. It makes sense for you to go back to the living room.
“Busy night?” He asks as he closes and locks the door, and you are completely thrown by the question. You must make a confused noise, because he follows up with, “You are out of breath, is everything okay?”
Your heart starts to beat hard in your chest and you can feel your entire body getting hot. Of course, he can tell what is going on with your body and you are nearly in full panic mode.
You need to get to bed and away from him.
You fail at keeping your composure by gesturing around the living room, “Yeah - um - just been busy. Decorating and stuff - it’s a big day tomorrow.”
“It is,” Matt agrees, a charming and boyish smile creeping onto his lips. You tell yourself he must be excited for Minnie’s birthday and that is why he is in such a nice mood.
“How was..how was your night?”
He hums at the question, moving to set his bag down by the couch, “It was relatively quiet. With school starting up again and the heat, the younger crowd isn’t out. I made a few laps but didn’t find anything worth going after.”
“So, there isn’t like…crime every night?” You ask, trying to wrap your head around it all. You haven’t actually asked what a Patrol consists of, so you don’t know what the average one is like.
“Despite what everyone thinks, no. There’s a good number of nights where I just keep things tidy, but being out helps to deter people as well. Not every night is drug busts and gang wars.”
“That is good to know.” And it is - it helps to ease your anxiety that he is out there constantly boxing people. People say New York is crime ridden, but it is not nearly as bad as it is made out to be. It is all scare tactics and sensational news - like the Satanic Panic.
Matt hums again, then tilts his head back towards where you hung the birthday banner, “That is a lot of presents.”
His smile is still bright, and you have to duck your head and bite your lip to keep your mind in check. Your mouth, as always, is quick to quip, “I’m not telling you what is in them. It’s a surprise.”
“A surprise, huh?” He teases, before kneeling down by his bag and unzipping it. You can see colorful wrapping paper peeking through, and you instantly wonder what sort of gift is inside.
“A surprise,” you repeat. “It isn’t any fun if everyone knows what is inside before it is opened.”
“I’ll concede to that, even if it is tempting to peek.” As he says this he stands up, holding three different sized packages in his hands. They aren’t as pristinely wrapped as yours, but you can tell great care went into it and you wonder if Matt did it himself.
“Foggy said they will come over around noon,” he says like you aren’t on the verge of a crisis. “And Maggie was hoping we could stop by on the way to the park. I told her it would be up to you, but I know she has a few things for Minnie. We’re probably going to need to bring that wagon you got.”
The idea of so many people coming to your apartment for a party - especially a toddler’s birthday party - boggles your mind but your heart soars that so many people want to celebrate your daughter. You watch as he goes to add the gift pile and that confusing feeling swirls in your chest again, reminding you this is everything you ever wanted for Minnie. Matt being in your life means more people to love your daughter like she deserves.
“Okay,” you say because that is all your mind can produce. When Matt begins to stand again, you go into a panic thinking he might say something to start a conversation and blurt out, “I should get ready for bed.”
He turns to you, and you don’t know what to expect, but it is not for him to look bemused. He raises his eyebrows over his glasses and lets out a huff of a laugh, “It’s a big day tomorrow. You should get your rest.” He isn’t condescending or rude about it, but you can definitely hear the hint of teasing.
Your face burns as you nod and stupidly repeat, “It’s a big day.” You clear your throat to try and regain some composure and point towards the couch, “I, uh, left you out pillows and a blanket. The..uh..remote for the fan is on the coffee table. I readded the labels after Minnie tore them off.”
“Thank you,” he says with full sincerity, and you cannot take any more of his charm and muscular biceps.
“I’m going to go to bed now,” you tell him as you start to back up towards the bedroom. You know you should tell him about the fringe covering the hallway, but you just want to flee and hide under your covers until your brain stops all of its nonsense.
“Okay.”
As you finally let yourself turn away from Matt, he says your name just loud enough for you to barely hear it. You freeze in place, but it is like your blood is boiling inside you. You breathe out his name in response.
“Good night.”
((“I love you.”))
--
a/n: orz please take this offering of a chapter - my brain is not working up to standard.
Also - Tomorrow is a Big Day
--
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His
Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator
A/N: This has been on hiatus since July. I have finally decided to finish up another chapter. I have no idea where this is going but I am just going with it at this point. They’re fun! Enjoy part 4 of mean!joel ❤️💖
Summary: After Joel kisses you, something shifts. You find out a hard truth and take matters into your own hands.
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader/you (no y/n)
Tags: +18 smut, a mishmash of feelings, dubcon-ish themes, a hint of sub!joel (?!!!!?!!??) but he is not happy about it, a hint of edging, handjobs, degradation, humiliation, riding, unprotected piv, slapping, dirty talk, empty threats
Word count: 3.6k
Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48179338/chapters/135617983
His
Something shifts after Joel kisses you and leaves. Especially because he did it in a way that made it seem like he was bolting out of a burning building, leaving you inside for the walls to come tumbling down around you. You hardly blame him for reacting like he did that night; he is the most emotionally unavailable man you have ever had the (dis)pleasure of meeting, and you doubt that he even has the vocabulary to put words to why he fled your bed like it was the scene of a crime. It isn’t like you’re going to ask him though, not even despite being curious about his reasoning and intentions.
For you, it is not a mystery what the shift is. The arrangement between the two of you used to be anticipation, fury, and lust. Now it’s a gentle tug at your heartstrings when you catch a glimpse of him in the streets and he doesn’t look your way, knowing you should not want him in the way you do.
How you want him is harder to pinpoint. It’s not wedding bells, it’s not children padding around on the wooden floor of your home, it’s not doing laundry for him and watching him do the dishes after sharing a meal. It’s something less complicated than love. You don’t want him to love you, but you wouldn’t mind being his only and his favorite.
Though irony would have it that it turns out you are indeed not his only source of whatever fucked up thing the two of you exchange once in a while.
During a short break from a late-night meeting of your patrol group (Joel had decided last week to switch to another), one of the newcomers to Jackson snickers girlishly as she tells the rest of you about how Joel Miller had made her come four times last weekend. It makes something uncomfortable swirl in your stomach, makes it drop as you feel foolish about thinking you were special. Additionally, it takes all the willpower in you to not blurt out that he had made you come seven times during one of the nights you’d spent together.
To your surprise, It isn’t that he has slept with someone else that hits you. It’s the little piece of information that your new patrol member lets slip with a giggle.
“Such a gentleman,” she says, basking in the attention of the circle of women standing around her. Their collective sigh makes you wonder what they’d say if you let them know that Joel forced you to suck him off the first time you were together. A part of you suspect that she is lying as she continues, “They don’t make ‘em like that anymore, girls. He was just so attentive and sweet.”
After the meeting, you feel like you’re about to suffocate if you don’t leave the building quickly. The tightening in your chest makes your heart feel caged, desperate to come out into the open and bleed all over the place from making its way past your ribs. Desperately, you push past anyone who does not jump out of your way immediately.
Once outside, you find a quiet spot behind the community center where people only come to be alone. You rest your forehead against the side of the building, breathing deeply in through your nose and exhaling shakily as you suppress the tears that threaten to roll down your face.
“Fuck,” you say bitterly as a droplet still manages to escape from the corner of your eye. You wipe it away with a quick swipe of your hand as if to hide the evidence from the world and yourself, “Fuckfuckfuck. What the fuck are you crying over him about?”
However, the single tear seems to have opened the floodgates because you find yourself properly crying a few seconds later. It is ridiculous, you know this, but you cannot help the shaky breaths that leave your mouth as your cheeks stain with tears.
Joel is not anything special. Joel is rude and arrogant, bordering on narcissistic and psychotic. You’re not even sure if he can smile, if he’s funny, or if he’s capable of not ruining things when touching them. He sure has ruined you, ruined both your nights and days because they’re spent wondering about him.
Then again, surely he must know this because he looks at you from across the room the way he does. He must know what he is doing to you, and it makes you fucking furious because how did he ever think that he had the right to pursue you? Make you want him? And, to top all of it off, how does he think he has the right to not appreciate you?
Rage slowly builds in your chest. Your heartbeat is threatening to make you pass out with how fast it is going, but you ground yourself by taking a few deep breaths that eventually stop your tears as well.
I’ll fucking show him, you think, and it’s the white-hot fury in you that is talking.
You stalk across the streets of Jackson, earning a few concerned glances but no warning words. It’s a relief that you look angry enough for people not to bother you, because you wouldn’t be able to articulate your reasons for wanting to implode with how furious you are.
Your legs take you all the way to Joel’s house. You stomp angrily up the porch’s stairs, but it’s only when you burst Joel’s front door open that you realize that you actually haven’t been in his home before. It’s also only then that you realize that you have no idea what you’re going to do now that you are here, too angry and out of your damn mind to explore the many pictures on the walls, the wooden carved figures on the shelves and… is that a guitar?
You mentally shake yourself.
“Focus on the task at hand,” you say quietly with exasperation, and then the search for your betrayer begins.
You walk through the house with determination, but you soon realize that he is nowhere to be found downstairs. It doesn’t surprise you that he hasn’t locked his door (nobody in Jackson does), but you still feel disappointed that you can’t make a big dramatic scene of throwing a plate in the kitchen or a cushion in the living room. You feel slightly like a rage-filled balloon that’s slowly losing air.
So you decide to go upstairs whilst still clinging to your rage, planning on waiting in his bedroom for his return but realizing that Joel is already in and sleeping in his bed. It’s late enough, you suppose, and you know he has a series of hard labor tasks on certain days.
You try your hardest not to feel too intoxicated by the smell of him on the sheets, need your head clear as you slowly start to undress right in front of his sleeping form. He looks so peaceful and so unlike his usual stoic self, and so vulnerable that the opportunity is too great to miss.
You freeze the times he stirs slightly but he never wakes up, and soon, you are down to your underpants and nothing more and you are so wet with the anticipation of both sex and power in the room, even more with Joel being so unaware of it.
The bed creaks as you crawl onto it. You manage to straddle Joel before he wakes up fully, immediately lifting his arms to grab you and defend himself but when he realizes it’s your body on top of his, he falters.
“What’re ya doin’ here?” His voice is filled with sleep but he is nowhere near panic as you had hoped.
You lean down over him and grab at his chin with the hand that’s not holding you up. You smile down at him but Joel is already staring down at your chest as you hover above him. You shake his head slightly, “Eyes up here, you bastard.”
“Shouldn’t look so pretty then,” he retorts.
“Heard you were screwing around with that new bimbo. I thought you liked a challenge,” you tighten the grip on Joel’s jaw, push him back into the mattress, and catch the way he is connecting the dots in his head but the time it takes him makes you realize that there has been more than her. You growl, still hovering over him, and leaning down to ghost your lips over his whilst your eyes roam over his face, “It’s a damn fucking privilege to be breathing the same air as me.”
“Cute,” he says quietly and brattishly.
You push down briefly before letting go. Your eyes look down at his lips but you don’t kiss him like you want to, don’t want to give in when it would seem so vulnerable to give in to that temptation.
Instead, you reach up to hold your palm in front of his mouth. You smile innocently, “Lick it.”
“What?” He chuckles in disbelief.
“Go on. Do as I say.”
Joel lets out his tongue and wets his lips. He gives in faster than you have anticipated, licks a long stripe from the start of your wrist to the middle of your palm, and coats your hand in disgusting, hot, and dirty saliva.
“Did she do that?” You ask. You feel behind yourself to slide a hand down into Joel’s jeans and then past the waistband of his underwear, “Put you in your place because she knows how disgusting you are?”
Joel is already half-hard as you take him in your slicked palm, and his cock comes alive fully not a moment later. He gasps into the bedroom but still looks cocky as ever, “Which of ‘em?”
“Fuck you,” you stroke him slowly and his breaths come out in small puffs that hardly make him seem calm and composed. You realize how much you’ve needed, craved, to put your hands on him.
“That can be arranged,” he says, trying to catch a glimpse of what you are doing to him. He starts to move, makes an effort to flip you around but you catch him before he can follow through. You tighten your grip around his cock, squeezing him around the base until he gasps softly.
“No one but me,” you say, “Okay?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, sweetheart, what is this?” He rolls his eyes and moans when you stroke him once and then twice.
“Are you going to behave?” You ask with a harsh grip again. You let your lips touch briefly now.
“What?” Joel looks slightly disgusted.
“I asked,” you begin and now you start to stroke him properly, mimicking what you have seen him do to himself when he has wanted to come on your face, “Are you going to behave, Joel?”
“No,” he teases.
“Don’t make me ask once more, baby,” you move your hand up and down quickly, almost forcing him to near orgasm before you squeeze around the base to edge him. He hisses, neck blushing with how his heartbeat must be on overdrive.
“Fuck,” he groans, throbbing in your hand, and with his snark, you almost just want to spend hours tracing the vein along his length with your fingertip, “Whaddaya want? You want me to be your little boyfriend or somethin’? Don’t be dumb, it don’t suit ya.”
“Listen,” you say, scooting back slightly and leaving a stain of your slick on the bottom of his t-shirt, “I’ll stick your big cock in me right now and let you come in me if you say I’m your only girl. You’ll never need another pussy than this.”
He says your name as you straighten on top of him again but you let him know it doesn’t mean anything to you. Your free hand reaches to pull your panties to the side, and then you hold his cock in place as you slide down onto it and let it stretch you by bottoming out inside of you. You try your best to look motionless but he has a girth that stings.
“Say it,” you demand, slightly out of breath at the feeling of sitting on his thighs now.
Joel is silent. He stares up at you, looking as if he has won because he is already inside of you but when you don’t hear an answer, you start lifting yourself off of him again. Joel grabs your hips in protest, holds you down, “No.”
“Then say it,” you reply, “Now.”
“You’re my girl,” he moans helplessly as you reward him with a roll of your hips. You make a noise as well, something closer to a tiny cry for him but you aren’t going to give in just like that.
“The only?” You inquire when you regain your composure.
“My only girl, even if she’s a fuckin’ pain in the ass,” he groans. You flex your thighs to grip him around the middle and then you squeeze his length, letting your walls clamp down and it sends his eyes rolling backward. He bucks up his hips and you moan.
However, you still have more to say and do. You don’t move yet, “I don’t believe you.”
Joel rolls his eyes, his grip on your hips tightening but he still doesn’t force you to ride him, “Jesus Christ, what the fuck now?”
“I think you’re a liar,” you inform him, trying to ignore how much every instinct in your body is telling you to use his dick for yourself. You squeeze around him again, “I think you’ll say anything to get pussy.”
“No one’s got a pussy like yours, sweetheart. You think I don’t know that?” He bares his teeth like an aggressive, cornered dog and he groans at the feeling of your soft, wet walls, “You’re like fuckin’ cocaine. Need more each time or I’ll never recover.”
“Don’t go finishing in me, Joel,” you scold.
“I ain’t gonna,” he bites back, “I do have some self-control.”
“With the way you’ve been whoring around?” You tut, experimentally rocking your hips forward to feel him slip almost all the way out of your cunt. You move back to let him bury himself deep once more and whine, “Riiight.”
“Watch it, we’re only doin’ this because I allow it. I could break ya spine like a fuckin’ toothpick,” he breathes, hands going up along your thighs until he lets them glide up your back as if he is going to make truth of his threat, “Don’t forget who has the upper hand here.”
You relish in his rough hands on your lower back and finally start up a pace to ride him properly, not caring about how your thighs start to burn as you seek out pleasure. It’s a fun contrast to what Joel has just told you because his eyes glaze over in a way that shows you that he wouldn’t even know how to snap you in half if he wanted to.
His breath has quickened, each intake and exhale becoming airy, whilst he holds your soft sides in his calloused grip. You rest your palms on top of his forearms, undulating your hips until his eyes roll back. He seems like he might lose his mind this time around, so submissive in his own way now that what you are doing to him has hit him by surprise.
He shamelessly groans your name. Its roughness spurs you on, making you lean forward a little further to give him more. You ride him as if your life depends on it until something burns delicious in your belly and his pelvic bone grinds into your clit.
Your first proper moan leaves you, high and squeaky. The angle has you baring your teeth, your breathing shaking, from how his cockhead stabs at your front wall repeatedly. You start spitting filth to not sound pathetic even further, “Fuck, Joel, your big cock is enough to make a girl lose her sanity. Makes my eyes wanna roll back.”
But Joel says nothing as he seems pissed off by what you have made of him. Instead, he breathes hard through his nose and occasionally lets a moan fall from his mouth. It pisses you off too. He had such a smart mouth just moments ago, and now he has resorted to being spiteful.
You make a rash decision then. You move steadily on his cock, rhythm not faltering once, whilst reaching down to his face with your dominant hand. You smack his cheek hard enough to make a point and a noise, eyes narrowed, “Snap out of your ego tripping.”
Joel responds not with words but by curling his hand around your wrist and yanking it away, and then he takes hold of your smaller body once again and starts snapping his hips upwards, crashing them into yours until you nearly topple off of him after crying out. He tightens his hands on your body whilst you hold his forearm with one hand and have the other firmly planted on his chest, and suddenly you are working together towards a crescendo.
“Give it to me!” You yell with your eyes screwed shut from the pressure against your clit and g-spot. Joel is swearing and his chest is glistening with sweat but he gives in to your command, making you bounce in his lap until he throws his head back and yells with you.
“Fuck, honey,” he grits out, “Gonna make me come inside ya tight pussy.”
“Oh, it talks?” You quip, trying to hold back a pathetic string of cries but to no avail. Joel smooths his hands up to cup your body just below your breasts, digging his thumbs into your rib cage.
“Shut the fuck up,” he retorts.
“I’m gonna come,” you say instead and furrow your brow.
“Yeah?” He mocks but then his face goes slack and you feel him twitch inside of you, impossibly close to the edge too, “Fuuuck, I can feel ya. Choke my cock real good, Doll.”
You come hard, unable to catch your breath as you keep moving back and forth on his length. Your whole pussy pulses, tight walls gripping him even further. The fingers holding onto his forearm make little indents and your nails on the other hand scratch into his chest until red lines form. And you cry. Oh, you cry and cry for him whilst singing his name.
The clenching of your cunt around his dick makes him reach his own point of no return a moment after. He does a sharp intake of breath and when he exhales even sharper, a groan follows, and his cock releases come inside of you.
You use your last bit of energy to ride him through it. Your delirious mind, hazy with pleasure, makes your mouth run as you slowly drag your hips to match each twitch of his length, “See? She can’t love you like I do. Is that really what you want, Joel?”
Joel pants underneath you. He tenses up when he hears those words but instead of pulling away, he grabs the back of your neck and pulls you down, “What the fuck did you just say?”
Your eyes widen slightly at the realization. In your chest, your pulse beats rapidly, “Just ‘cause I said it, doesn’t mean that I meant it.”
Joel tightens his grip briefly but then lets go. He sighs, then reaches up to rub his forehead in frustration, “I don’t have the strength.”
“What’s so bad about it?” You ask, figuring that you might as well jump into the conversation now that you’ve been stupid enough to start it.
“Don’t,” he warns, letting out a noise as he moves to pull out of you. Your panties move back into place, causing you to shiver.
“Please,” you know it is weak of you.
Joel says your name, mimicking the tone of a parent who is tired of hearing their child pestering them about something. He finds your eyes but doesn’t say anything else.
“Just let me try something,” you continue and earn a raised brow. He stops trying to move. You swallow thickly but decide to be brave.
Carefully, you curl your fingers into Joel’s chest hair and reach for his cheek with your other hand. You close the distance between the two of you, finding his mouth with your own and kissing him with a lot less vigor compared to what you have just done.
Underneath your palm on Joel’s chest, you can feel him exhale in something resembling relief. He doesn’t fight the kiss, no, instead he moves his arms and holds your waist. He kisses you back with closed eyes and soft hands, and you try not to ruin it by becoming eager.
A few moments pass. When you finally pull away, he looks like a deer in the headlights of a car but you talk before he can, “Go to sleep. It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything; I can see you’re exhausted.”
You move off of him to lie down at his side instead. Besides you, Joel closes his eyes without hesitation as if he needs to escape any conversation but when his breathing slows down further and you realize that he is drifting off, he looks mostly like a tamed beast.
Ever so gently, you run a hand over his hair. He shifts only a little bit, so you do it again and suddenly you’re stroking the salt and pepper curls repeatedly.
To think that he had been ready to fight if someone touched him just half an hour ago. You continue for a few minutes before leaving the bed, heading for his bathroom to get cleaned up, and when you return again, he doesn’t react this time either.
The next day, you’re back in the same patrol group.
.
.
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