#S&B Chapter 9 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hellishjoel · 1 year ago

Text

off to the races

6.3k / dbf!joel x f!reader

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4

series summary: You and your parents rent a lakeside cabin, Joel and Sarah Miller are your neighbors. You’re all grown up, and you’ll do anything to prove to Joel you’re a woman now.

warnings/information: MA 18+ (minors DNI), NO OUTBREAK, neighbor!joel, age gap (reader is in their early 20’s while Joel is in his 40’s), alcohol consumption, slight daddy issues lol, cursing, use of pet names, dominant!joel, maybe a lil brat tamer!joel, oral sex (m receiving), a lil praise kink, a lil degradation kink, facial, etc. you know ;)

A/N: needed to get cool slutty daddy out of my system. He’s just a Lana coded man!! I plan on turning this into a series, I hope it get's some love! let me know what you think by sending me an ask!

Your desperate eyes met his, trying to gauge what he thought. You hated how you looked like you wanted him so bad. He was your neighbor, your friend’s dad, but you wanted him to be something for you too. “I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doin-” His words made your chest go tight and your eyes filled with pure horror. What have you done?! “But you need to be the one to walk away, because I don’t think I can.”

Summers in Danbury were what you looked forward to all year long when you were younger. You would love the long drive to the lakeside cabin, swimming in the dazzling blue water all day, and catching fireflies at night before ending it with roasting s'mores over the campfire.

Now, all Danbury reminded you of were your parents stripping your feeling of independence as soon as you stepped in their embrace and the lack of cell service.

It wasn’t all that bad, though. Who were you to complain about an all-expense paid vacation on the water? Your parents were fine, you just graduated from university, everything was just.. good. It almost made you a little bored, thinking about the impending summer.

The warm sun’s kiss on your skin was a welcomed greeting after spending the past 9 months away at school out of state, your eyes twinkling below your sunglasses as you stepped out of the car. It was good to be back in Texas.

“Look, there she is!” Your dad cooed as he was eager to point out the sign that sat beside the entrance of the cabin that read ‘Life is Better at the Cabin’. Cheesy. It wasn’t your choice of decor since it was just a rental property, but still. You also despised the ‘The Secret Ingredient is Always Love’ sign in the kitchen.

You plopped your bags down at the end of your bed, the one just down the hall from your parents, quick to plug in your phone charger though it made little difference with your lack of a strong signal.

You turned your head to the window, seeing an old, beaten pickup truck turn onto gravel, a small smile peaking on your lips.

“Hey, look who it is!” Your dad cheered eagerly from the living room, appearing to also be gazing out the window at the sight coming down the road and pulling into the house next to yours.

The truck in question belonged to Joel Miller and his daughter, Sarah. Sarah had been your close friend each and every summer since you were little. You two were attached at the hip once your family started vacationing here, despite her being a fair five years younger. You two got along nonetheless.

You stepped outside to greet them, as your mother and father were already out doing, your face lighting up as Sarah made a b-line to your embrace. “Oh my god! Look at you!” She praised, her eyes lighting up at your appearance.

You two didn’t get the chance to spend the past few summers together due to business with school or internships on your part, so her surprise in seeing you a few years grown up was warranted.

“Look at me? Look at you!” You said through punched lungs as she hugged you so tight you were losing your breath.

If you thought Sarah’s tight hug was bad, you weren’t prepared to see what was waiting on the other side of the pickup truck.

Your lips parted at the sight of Joel Miller. He was sort of… handsome. Was that wrong to think that? I mean, he was so much older than you, someone’s dad, Sarah’s dad. You tried not to let your eyes linger for too long but his voice pitched into the conversation and you had been caught.

“Hey, Skids.” Ugh. That dreaded nickname you had yet to wear off. “Haven’t seen you these past few summers. Happy to be done with school?” Joel’s southern drawl was a shock to your system after being up in the Midwest for school.

He was tall and rugged, so unkempt. His hair was tousled everywhere and his beard was growing with salt and pepper stippling through the landscape of his jawline. He looked hot, the faint glisten and stain of sweat marking the collar of his shirt and at the sides of his biceps.

You blinked a few times before a graceful smile fluttered on your lips.

“Hi, Mr. Miller.” You gently cooed. What? If he could call you by that horrid nickname he had given you when you were barely ten, you could call him by his surname. Your eyes caught his own shift, his jaw twitching at his name being called like that. It was just his name after all, right?

“Joel.” He corrected with a raised eyebrow, your eyes finally dragging themselves away from his handsome character as they turned to your parents, who were obsessing over Sarah. She was about to go into her senior year of high school, so of course, they had all of the basic questions to ask her. Are you taking any advanced classes? Are you still on the swim team? Do you know where you want to go to college?

You tried to look interested, but you could still feel Joel’s gravitating stare in your direction.

You were just imagining things, right? He was looking one foot over, to Sarah and your family. Except he wasn’t. You know because you snuck a casual glance over to him, and he was still on you. His gaze alone made a shiver travel up your spine.

While Sarah and your parents were nestled in their own world of conversation, you take a few subtle steps away and join him by his truck. It still felt warm, the engine relaxing after a good drive in the Texas heat.

“You need a new truck. She looks like she’s on her deathbed.” You point out, the one corner of his mouth tugging up as he kept his eye on Sarah and your folks with his arms crossed in front of his broad chest.

“She’s just fine.” He retorts nonchalantly. You hated that about him. You could never figure out what he was thinking, unpredictable but not exactly chaotic.

“She?” You asked with raised eyebrows. “I always knew you had a special woman in your life. Didn’t know she was so old, though.” You egged him on, your favorite pastime in the summers; Grinding the gears of an old man who had a bigger attitude than you most days.

“You still have quite the mouth on you. Glad to see that hasn’t changed.” Joel said sarcastically as he pushed himself off the front of the truck with his hip, his head nodding off to the side in a silent way of telling you to follow him. You watched as he pulled down the tailgate, rust screeching until it stopped with a generous thump.

“Supposed to be Sarah helping me with this, but since she’s busy being Miss Danbury, you can help me.” He said as he pointed to some firewood and other bigger pieces of wood in varying sizes.

“What do you plan on doing with all this wood anyway? I think the Amazon is looking for it.” You huffed but climbed up into the back of the truck bed without him asking you to. His protective hand instinctively guided your hip for stability, and you felt a rush of air pump through your lungs. “Thanks.” You murmur before you start reaching for stacks you could handle.

“Sarah wanted to throw y'all a bonfire with it being your first day back for the summer or what have you.” Before you could stop yourself, you were already cooing at him as you jumped down from the tailgate, watching as Joel gave a tight face of annoyance. Don’t do that, you’re gonna get yourself hurt.

It took Joel all of two seconds to grab two of the larger cut pieces, throwing each of them onto his shoulders. You couldn’t help but stare at his biceps that cradled the wood, the tan skin and muscles popping out of the dark green t-shirt he wore. Focus, focus, focus, focus, focusfocusfocus.

“And the bigger pieces? What are those for?” You asked out of sheer curiosity now once he threw them down in the back of his lawn, the sight of your parents and Sarah long gone.

He shrugged and shook his head, his hands on his hips as a layer of sweat started to build up around his hairline. “Just carvin’ projects. The rest can be used for scrap lumber around the lake properties.” His head finally turned to look at you, his eyes raking you up and down for a moment before nodding to your lake house rental. “Doin’ property maintenance over the summer on the houses ‘round here.”

“So if we need maintenance, we call you now?” You asked with a dubious face, to which he nodded.

This man never stopped. It made sense, you supposed. You reflected on the summers in the past, knowing Joel to manage his own contracting business and picking up odd jobs around town. You remember one summer, he redid the flooring of an old bakery in town and then built custom shelves for the loaves of bread and bagels. Another summer, he repaved people’s driveways with blacktop. He was a laborer, a blue-collar man through and through.

“That’s right, Skids.” The nickname made you scowl at him again, but you wouldn’t mind seeing Joel Miller laid under your kitchen sink or repairing the window in your bedroom so it could finally let in some fresh air. Frankly, you just wouldn’t mind seeing Joel Miller.

After Joel reclaimed his daughter from your parents with a snarky yet subtle, Thanks for all your help, kiddo to Sarah, he said goodbye to you and your family as everyone parted ways back to their own homes.

You were tired from the drive, but you didn’t lack attendance to the bonfire Sarah was putting together specifically for you in a welcome back to Danbury! sort of celebration. She invited the other nearby neighbors, so by the time you finally joined, it was packed with people sitting around the fire. People who lived on the lake loved a good party, anything with beer to keep them occupied.

It was a lot of talking and bottles clinking, marshmallows on sticks, and a crackling fire blazing at the center of everyone. You weren’t one for beer but Sarah insisted on feeding you bottle after bottle.

She liked sharing secrets with you, away from her dad. She considered you someone she could tell anything to. And you felt the same way. So not more than half an hour later, you two were giggling and sitting on the tailgate of Joel’s old pickup truck when you saw him start to saunter over. You saw him coming first, snatching Sarah’s bottle out of her hand and taking a sharp inhale as you hid away your own. Sarah’s secret, right?

“Dad,” she playfully whined when he came over to bust their little party.

He was silent for a moment before he looked at the dwindling flames. “Fire’s gettin’ low.” He pointed out, looking between the two of you.

His face was lit up in a mix of gold hue from the fire and silver from the moon. His face had this intensity, a bucked-out jawline, cheekbone, and nose. It was like he was carved from stone.

Sarah was silent, not wanting to leave behind her friends at the bonfire to shuffle over more wood. You softly nodded as you took a swig of her beer bottle in your hand before setting it down once you hopped off the truck bed.

“I can help.” You offered. Joel looked down at you hesitantly, sneaking a glance to where your parents sat around the growing circle of people.

“Yeah.. yeah, ‘lright.” Joel said as the two of you walked off to the dividing line on his property, the wood you had dropped carelessly earlier in the day now in a neat stack. You certainly weren’t drunk, but slamming Sarah’s beer along with the other ones she ushered you before was now messing with your head, the edges of your vision a little fuzzy, especially in the dark since the glow of the bonfire was at such a distance.

Before you knew it, you were stacking the wood into your arms, too much maybe. Joel called out your name in a warning tone.

“No, I got it! See?” You tried to reason with a cocky smile as he shook his head.

“You don’t like to listen.” He gruffly said as he started picking up the smaller pieces as they fell out of your arms.

You couldn’t help the playful scoff that left your lips, still insistent on stacking more in your arms, going as far as tucking some in your elbows but all they did was drop at your feet once you went to reach for more.

“Stop bein’ so damn difficult.” He piped up again as he snagged your wrist, halting your movements.

“Yeah? I thought you liked difficult women.” Your words were fast like a whip, your eyes challenging his own as the two of you shared unnecessarily long eye contact.

“Drop-- the wood. Stop bein’ a-”

“A what?” You challenged. The distance between you two suddenly felt like it was becoming air-tight, his eyes narrowing on yours as his features hardened. He didn’t look mad, lord knows you’d never want to actually make Joel Miller mad. He just looked-- provoked.

“A brat.” He finally bit, your teeth clenching at the name. The shock of it all made your arms finally burst open like a dam breaching with water, all of them falling to your feet as you let out an involuntary squeal. God, you did not want him to hear that noise leave you like that.

You finally tugged away your wrist from his hand, your eyes leaving his daggered gaze to examine your palm that had a decent size splinter plunged into the center of it.

“Shit,” You swore, feeling whatever heat you had left in your body pooling to your stringing finger.

You heard Joel let out a debated sigh before he took you by your wrist, much more gentle this time, and tried to bring it up closer to his eyes to examine it.

“Can’t see for shit out here.” He grumbled. You couldn’t see it either but you could feel right where it spread searing pain through the rest of your hand.

“I got some tweezers in my workshop, I’ll get it out.” Joel offered as he started walking a few paces but you let out an involuntary whimper at the sound of him taking it out.

“You don’t want that to get infected, do you?” He asked with a true voice of reason, to which you let out a sigh of agreement and followed him to his workshop.

You had only been inside Joel’s workshop a handful of times. You remember once your dad dragged you over so he could talk to Joel about his truck, and you had to wait there and wait there until they finished gabbing. Another time was when you explored it on your own, your eyes fascinated by the little world he surrounded himself in. It wasn’t all wood like you’d expect it to be. He had old guns mounted on the wall, ladders hung up in the rafters, and dusty old fishing plaques that made you disgusted at the sight. It housed his tools, the same ones he had been using for years. He knew where they were by heart, not even looking when he reached for something. Everything had its place, down to the tweezers he immediately found in an old little toolbox.

“Here,” he said as he pointed to an old metal stool as tall as your waist. You sat down on the cold metal, a little hiss of discomfort leaving you as he sighed. “Always somethin’.” Joel shook his head and offered you a spare dusty blanket, shaking your head.

“Just-- fix my hand. Please.” You said as you displayed your palm to him, now seeing it in the light for the first time. Okay.. it didn’t actually look as bad as it felt. Joel actually smiled as he looked at the tiny sliver shoved into the skin.

“..Might have to amputate it.” He said with a half-serious tone, as joking as Joel could sound. But there was a little glint in his eye, one of satisfaction from his own joke.

“Joel Miller has a sense of humor? I’m surprised. And pleasantly delighted.” You teased as he huffed and shook his head, the smile that graced his lips already came and gone. Sort of. He just looked down at your hand so you couldn’t directly see it anymore.

It took you until now to see that he changed out of his dark green shirt from this afternoon and into an old 80’s rock band shirt with a worn dark navy flannel over it. He must have showered after laboring in the Texas heat. The thought made your stomach churn in excitement.

You shivered at how cold you felt all of a sudden, no longer by the warm fire and on this damn metal stool. You shifted uncomfortably on it, cursing yourself for wearing jean shorts.

Joel let out an exasperated sigh as he stood up straighter and shoved off his flannel, your eyes softening at the sight.

“You want me to take tweezers to your hand but you keep... shiftin’ around. Stand up.” He directed, and this time you didn’t debate with him. You hopped off the metal stool and he laid down the flannel. It was a nice gesture and you were grateful. You hoped the goosebumps were from the temperature, not how close he was.

Joel pulled up another metal stool so he could steady himself, reeling himself in as close as he could and holding your palm open in his as his eyes squinted a little bit.

You felt frozen in place, your lips parting as you slowly looked down to one of his knees that parted between your own legs. Fuck. You weren’t sure if it was the little buzz of beer still in your system but something drove you to have enough courage to gently lay your hand just above his kneecap.

His eyes flicked up to yours, trying to read what was behind your thought process right now. He looked so confident, you feared you looked all shifty.

You could feel the worn denim of his jeans under your palm but underneath, he was warm. He was as hot as a furnace as your body craved it.

“The sliver.” You pointed back out, your voice smaller since you two were in such close proximity. You watched his chest heave as he took a deep breath, grumbling something under his breath before he focused back to his initial task.

You pursed your lips as you both watched and felt the tweezers line up to the red and irritated skin, his movements precise and patient until you watched him clench the tool closed.

You let out an involuntary breath of both relief and anticipation, just wanting it out already.

“Hold on, just gotta make sure I..” Joel’s voice trailed off as he slowly pulled the tiny sliver from your palm, an uncomfortable whine leaving the back of your throat.

His thigh twitched under your palm at the sound, not even realizing your hand had sunk higher up his jean-clad thigh.

“Got it.” He finally said, swiping the tip of the tweezer on the table to display the nasty little piece of wood that had caused you all this grief. You let out a breath through your nostrils and nodded.

“Thank God, no amputation.” You joked, to which he awarded you a small smile.

“I’ll call the surgeon and tell ‘em to turn around. We’re good here.” Joel said as he gently released your wrist. You watched his features carefully, seeing his lips part as he glanced down to his leg that your hand still held for balance.

“What’er you doin’?” He finally asked, his voice dropping an octave at the question. Shit.

Don’t read this wrong, or this will be the most awkward interaction you and Joel have had to date. This is worse than when he saw you fall out of the inner tube while boating, worse than when some kid tripped you at the town barbeque, worse than when you fell off Sarah’s scooter so hard that he gave you the nickname Skids.

“Woah, Skids! Better slow down!” God, that was so many years ago. His chuckle still echoed in your ears.

Now you were older, you were a woman. You had long legs and glowing skin, and a smile that knocked guy’s out of the fuckin’ park! But he was older too, older than you, younger than your dad but god, not by much. You were so close to him, you could inhale the distant smell of the bonfire, the one he probably made instead of Sarah. He also smelled like an old spice deodorant and fucking cigarettes.

He was stingy, and greasy, and hot, and Joel.

Your years of anticipation thinking about him like this was over.

You bit down on your lower lip, your mind was foggy with the rushing in your heart, feeling your ears pound and your palm still seared. He was a head taller than you while you sat together, and before you could stop yourself, you were leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his pulse.

Your lips lingered around his neck for a moment, the sensitive skin of your mouth feeling beard stubble and tasting distant cologne. Your breath fanned over the skin, clammy but sweet with his sweat.

He didn’t stop you, his eyes merely watching you carefully.

“What’er you doin’?” He asked again, but this time, his words sounded more-- goading. Do it, I know you won’t. You’re chicken shit. If you know what you want, do it.

Your heart raced as you nearly leaped off the stool, closing the distance between you two as you stood between his legs. Your hand moved higher on his thigh, so close that you were nearly touching the leather of his belt. Your mouth returned to the sweet spot of his pulse while your injured hand reached up to the opposite side of his neck to gently hold him there.

“Joel,” you whispered his name breathlessly, asking him for more, feeling his head drop down beside yours. You feared you embarrassed yourself, he wasn’t reciprocating, he wasn’t--

The thoughts brewing in your head bubbled down to a boil as his firm arm wrapped itself low around your waist, keeping you to his front as he pulled down to look at you with a stern look on his face.. You were so fucked.

“I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doin-”

His words made your chest go tight and your eyes filled with pure horror. What have you done?!

“But you need to be the one to walk away, because I don’t think I can.”

His words surprised you. He didn’t think he could walk away from you right now? Holy shit.

Your heart was pumping so hard under his watchful gaze, seeing his eyes look from yours to your parted lips. But he didn’t kiss you, you don’t think you would let him. It felt too intimate. You just didn’t want another boring summer in Danbury and you were determined to have a fling.

Who knew it would be with Joel Miller. But you wanted him.

Your brave hands took him by the chest of his shirt, your mouth moving to his jawline as you balanced the tightrope of kissing and nibbling on the skin before your hands moved south to find his belt buckle.

His legs naturally parted for you, catching a brief smirk on his lips as you took control of the situation.

“Dirty girl goin’ right for my fuckin’ cock.” He whispered against the shell of your ear, a desperate nod leaving you while your cheek involuntarily rubbed against the stubble of his beard. You didn’t know he talked like that.

You initiated more space for yourself, nudging the inside of his thighs with your own legs as you had his back up against his drafting table with you no longer on his side but standing in front of him.

Your quick fingers desperately undid his belt, feeling the old leather under your fingers. You didn’t have the balls to look at him and frankly, you were afraid you would lose your nerve if you did.

His hands were encouraging for your nervous system, firm palms planted into your hips and even going as far as to squeeze the flesh that sat under your jean shorts. His body warmed you up, his eyes admiring you as you plucked open the button on his jeans.

You pushed your tongue against your cheek in concentration, all of a sudden desperate at the thought of having him in your mouth. You dragged down the zipper, the relaxed denim exposing the black briefs he wore underneath that hugged his tan hips.

You slowly sunk to your knees before him, as if you were worshiping a God. Maybe you were, it was Joel Miller, after all.

“This what you were learnin’ off at school?” Joel belittled, your head doing a few quick nods as a flush stained your cheeks. God. Something about Joel calling you a slut had you in a tailspin. You couldn’t wait anymore.

Your fingers delicately felt over the impressive growth that his briefs held down, biting down on your bottom lip as you let your pointer finger make the outline of his girth.

He let out an audible grunt at the action, his jaw jutted out, and his eyes filled with lust. “Lemme see that pretty mouth.” He practically purred, your chest rising and falling in anticipation as you slowly opened your mouth for him. You felt the intrusion of his thumb, a guttural moan leaving your throat as your big eyes stayed on his. He pinched at the inside of your cheek for a moment, your eyes twinging closed and opening back up with twinkling tears on the brim of flowing.

“Good girl, keep that mouth open for me.” He encouraged as he pushed two fingers past your lips, testing you. And you were more than willing to accept his little challenge. His fingers pushed on the back of your tongue, feeling your lips graze all the way to his knuckle as you worked on breathing through the feeling of his fingers shoved down your throat.

You were determined for him not to get the best of you, to prove how you had some experience under your belt. Your tongue willingly swirled around his digits, humming softly as you suckled. Now it was his turn to look like he was ready to fold. You felt him swell in your hand, the hand still stroking over his erection in his briefs.

He ripped back his fingers, leaving them with a pop to your lips. Holy shit. You took a few deep breaths and swallowed, blinking back the tears that his fingers provoked from going so far down.

“Damn, baby, look so pretty down on your knees for me. Don’t make me wait ‘ny longer.” Joel’s breaths were heavy, his southern drawl exaggerated in his lust-filled state.

A proud smirk laced on your lips, his eyes on you as he watched you pry down the material of his briefs, watching as he lightly lifted his hips off the stool and using the drafting table behind him as leverage to let his jeans and boxers rest comfortably around the top of his thighs. What you had been craving slapped eagerly into the palm of your uninjured hand, an unexpected little moan leaving you.

You studied his cock with anticipation, the glowing pinkish-red tip glistening with pre-cum from all the anticipation. He was generous in size, he would be the biggest you had ever taken. He was just… grown. You let out a satisfied little mmm, smirking up at him as your fist wrapped delicately around the base as you pumped over just the bottom half of him.

Your hand came up to push some hair behind your ear but Joel was quick to handle that for you, stroking the stray pieces back behind your ear and then planting his palm right on the top side of your head. He tried to guide you closer but you just continued to smirk at him, a desperate grunt leaving the back of his throat.

“Don’t play with me, kitten.” The nickname had you fawning, much better than the other nickname he had given you in the past. Maybe this new one would replace the old, the girl he dismissed before now a woman whose attention he craved.

You guided his tip to gently tap at your flattened tongue, using his base to guide him until you generously wrapped your mouth around his leaking head. He let out a satisfied hiss which made you smirk, knowing you were the one making him dance on the line between pain and pleasure.

You let out an involuntary mewl as the fist he had made in the back of your hair forced you further down his rigid member, feeling wet tears threatening to spill over your waterline as his tip nudged against the back of your throat. He said not to play with him and you disobeyed.

Your palms flattened to the front of his thighs as you pushed yourself off of him, gasping for air as you swallowed the mixture of your spit and his leakage that clogged your throat.

“So fuckin’ pretty chokin’ on me like that, such a pretty face.” He sneered, referring to your teary eyes. But the compliment made you blush and the choking and sobbing was all of a sudden worth it for the praise.

After that, you craved to take all of him just like he wanted. Your head worked in subtle bobs, taking inch by inch of him at a time. Sometimes his hand in your hair guided you, allowing you to take him with confidence as he let out disgusting groans and low moans.

Your gluck, gluck, glucks filled the shed, hot pants leaving your mouth around him but not willing to let your head up. Trails of your saliva attached themselves from his balls to your lips, the sight being a trophy for your hard earned deep throating. He was already so close, you couldn’t bear not to taste the prize you had worked so hard for.

All of a sudden, Joel stood up from his seat at the drafting table and you couldn’t help but show a look of disappointment. You thought he was done, going to leave you like a mess on the floor with bruises on your knees from the cold concrete and your slobbery mouth feeling his loss.

Your wet eyelashes fluttered as he returned to fist the hair at the top of your head and angled your face upward, watching as his other hand yanked on his member. The sight made your jaw drop.

“Where do you want me to finish?” His words were pained, stretched thin as he tried to hold out for an answer from you. But you wanted him to finish, you wanted to watch his face contort from the wake of his orgasm that you helped create.

“Mmm,” you hummed out as you purposefully prolonged his finish, watching as his chest puffed and his skin grew rosy from the heat flooding his body. Your cockiness was punished by a tighter grip in your hair, yanking your head closer to his shaft to force a real answer out of you. Your scalp stung but only a smile was on your face.

“You wanna cum on my face, Mr. Miller?” You asked in the most innocent tone you could muster, your mouth parting at the sight of him. He looked heavenly. The glow from his shed lights made him appear as if he had an angelic glow. But you knew he was hellish, nothing close to an angel.

Joel let out a scoffy little grunt at your question, a wicked smile gracing his lips as his hooded eyes slowly fell completely closed as the shock of his orgasm coursed through his body.

You eagerly watched and you hated how hungry you knew you looked right now. You licked your lips, eager for his taste, eager to make the Joel Miller cum. You were desperate.

His cock began twitching in his hand, watching as he methodically yanked out his own orgasm. His eyes lazily glanced between his shaft and to your large eyes, slowly smirking at the sight of you holding out for him.

“Let me see that tongue, darlin’.” His words were breathy, just on the edge of no return. You obeyed, dropping your jaw and flashing him your tongue as you fluttered your eyelashes. At the sight alone, he finished himself off with eager grunts and short moans, you swore one of them was your name.

His hot cum landed on your face, your eyes closing in satisfaction with a cocky smile. Most landed on your tongue, a few piping hot white strands splattered like paint on your cheeks and nose. All the air in your lungs left you as he tapped his pulsing tip eagerly against your tongue, watching with his jaw slack as he let the rest pool onto your tongue and down your throat.

You swallowed knowing he was watching, his hand in your hair relaxing. He tasted better than you expected, a new craving.

Instead of fisting your strands, he started stroking them away from your messy face, praising you as he tucked himself back into his pants.

Both no longer in the hot fantasy you swore you imagined once, you tried to collect yourselves. You shakily stood up from the ground, your knees cold from the concrete. You wipe off any dust or dirt they may have collected, sneaking glances at Joel as he fastened his belt around his waist once more and popping the button of his jeans back into place.

You glanced around for a tissue, your back to him as you cleaned up your face. Oh my god, you were wiping Joel Miller’s cum off your fucking face. As the two of you pieced yourselves back together, he reached for his discarded flannel that he had given you still resting on the metal chair you previously abandoned before settling between his legs.

“Said you were cold. Take it.” He said as he fisted some of the material and looked at you expectantly. You sighed before gently taking the material and wrapping yourself in its warmth.

As he placed a bandaid on your palm to cover your futile wound, you admired the flannel in all of its unknown beauty.

It was one of his older ones, you sort of felt bad because you could only assume it was one of his favorites. It adorned a few minor holes and rips, some of which were badly stitched back together in an attempt to salvage it for another few years. Despite its appearance, you melted into it because it smelled like him. It smelled smoky like his cigarettes or maybe that was just the residual smoke from the bonfire. As you walked outside, you could smell it clearer.

Sandalwood with a hint of cinnamon, you wondered what cologne he used.

Your head was lost in thought as you began to wander back towards the bonfire, a sharp clearing of his throat bringing you back to your senses. You whipped around, seeing as he pointed to the stray wood you had dropped from earlier.

“Oh-” you said bashfully as you returned to the pile with him, both of you knelt down picking up stray pieces. Once you started piling the wood in your arms again, he let out a short chuckle from deep inside him as he held your wrist from stacking more.

“That’s enough for now, just go.” You liked seeing his face lit up like that, knowing you were the cause of it being even better.

“Okay, Mr. Miller.” You cooed quietly, his face hardening at the name of adoration you had given him.

“Okay, Skids. I’ll be seein’ you.” He said with a tight nod of his head, his eyes directing you back to the fire. You set down the firewood by the rocks surrounding it as a barrier, clearing your throat as you returned to the tailgate. You could still taste his cum on your tongue.

No one seemed to notice your trip taking unexpectedly longer than necessary. Your parents were both swaying their heads and laughing, empty bottles by the legs of their folding lawn chairs to explain their obvious lack of awareness.

Sarah had joined up with other friends in your absence, but you didn’t mind.

You finally had a moment to reflect on what had just taken place in Joel’s shed. You let your vacation house neighbor cum in your mouth. Your older, stoic, stubborn ass of a neighbor.

As if on cue, Joel returned to the side of his truck with his body leaning against the tailgate. His jean-clad hip lightly grazed your thigh, glancing over to see him offering you a beer.

“Since you’re all grown up now.” He said with a little spark behind his eyes. You nodded and took the opened beer with a growing smile.

“Cheers.” He offered as he held out his bottle to clink with yours.

“Cheers to another summer in Danbury.” You tell him.

He cocked his eyebrow and glanced over to you one more time before he focused his eyes on the growing fire.

“This one ain’t quite like the rest.” It almost sounded like a promise from him. You hoped it was. Because you were wearing his flannel and you were on his knees for him tonight, you wondered what experience of Joel could offer you this summer.

---

read part 2 - dark paradise!

here's my masterlist!

here's how to join my taglist!

@jrrmint @gracieispunk @macfrog @strang3lov3 @notjustjavierpena @bastardmandennis @joelslegalwhre @brittmb115 @casa-boiardi @nostalxgic @cool-iguana @chim-cham-blog @joeldjarin @unsteadyimagines @pattwtf

#joel miller #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal the last of us #pedro pascal joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller one shot #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #tlou #tlou fic #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #hellishjoel #dbf!joel #dbf!joel miller

2K notes · View notes

loveharlow · 2 months ago

Text

SEVEN [SEASON 2] - 007 (PT 1)

PAIRING ‧₊˚ JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

SYNOPSIS‧₊˚ [8.9k] based on Netflix's Outer Banks Season 2 Episode 9

WARNING(S)‧₊˚ swearing, general obx warnings, discussions of sexuality, mentions of suicide

NOW PLAYING‧₊˚

A/N‧₊˚ still love me?? not the biggest fan of this chapter but

˗ˏˋ series masterlist ˎˊ˗

PULLING UP TO THE BUNGALOW ON THE END OF THE STREET AND KILLING THE ENGINE, you and JJ were quick to jump out of the truck, calling out for his cousin, who owned the house in question.

“Ricky! Ricky!” You both shouted, helping Kiara drag Pope’s limp frame out of the backseat. The three of you helped walk Pope to the front door, JJ frantically rattling the handle and slamming his palm against the door before his cousin Ricky appeared — shirtless with a bowl of cereal in his hand.

“Hey, Ricky!” The blonde called through the window. “Look, I know you’re mad at me-”

“Remember the time you stole my ambulance?!” The dark-haired man argued through the glass, face turning red.

“Yeah, I know. I know you’re mad but - please, don’t do that!” JJ begged, watching as Ricky slammed the actual door in his face.

The rest of you begged and pleaded, voices creating a mess of protests behind the door. JJ was quick to hand his portion of Pope’s weight off to John B, walking towards one of the windows and banging on it.

“He’s a having a reaction, he needs help!” JJ screamed through the glass. Ricky was JJ’s EMT cousin, who also happened to be the cousin who’s ambulance he’d stolen to break John B out of jail, which failed anyway. “He can’t breathe, Ricky!”

Something one of you said must’ve gained some sympathy because it wasn’t long before the front door behind the glass screen was swinging open again. “Who can’t breathe-” Ricky’s word died in his throat as he took in Pope’s swollen face this time.

“Look at him!” You cried — you, Kiara, and John B holding up your friend. “He needs help.”

“...Alright.” The man caved, pushing the screen door open to allow you all in. “Jesus Christ…” You were quick to hand off Pope, rushing into the man’s house.

“Hi, nice to meet you. Sorry.” You quickly threw in Ricky’s direction, making a b-line for the first flat surface you saw and swiping everything to the floor. Your friends were trailing behind you, using their strength to lift Pope onto the now cleared island counter top.

“You know, I wouldn’t come to you if it wasn’t an emergency.” JJ clarified, being the last one inside of the house.

“What’s wrong with him?” The medic asked, placing two fingers against the side of his neck to feel for a pulse.

“Wasps.” Sarah and Kie replied in sync.

“Wasps?” Ricky repeated, asking for clarification. You all nodded. “Is he allergic to wasps?”

“We were kind of hoping you could figure that out for us.” You quickly replied, not wanting to be rude but wanting to speed up this procedure.

Ricky sighed, backing up from the table. “Hang tight, I gotta get my kit.”

“Hang tight?” JJ asked incredulously. “Hang tight, Ricky?!”

“It’s in here somewhere!” The older man called, disappearing near the bedrooms before re-emerging with nothing in his hands.

“Where’s your kit?!” You asked frantically — Kiara tending to Pope on the table as JJ and John B kept his legs elevated.

“If I knew I wouldn’t be looking for it-”

“What does it look like?” Sarah asked, the two of you intending to help the man look for his supplies.

“Like a duffel bag…” He offered, vanishing into his garage with his hands atop his head in distress. “Okay, I got it!” He returned after a few seconds — a navy blue med-kit clutched in his hands as he rushed towards the six of you.

He planted the bag on the counter top next to Pope, JJ scooting over to make room. “What do we do now?” The blonde boy asked.

“You don’t do anything because you’re not a paramedic. All you all can do is give me some space.” He said bluntly, the five of you backing up — similar expressions of distress etched on each of your faces. You watched as Ricky unzipped the duffel bag, pulling out a syringe and a small vial. “Here’s the thing,” He started, pushing the needle of the syringe into the vessel. “This a pediatric dose of epinephrine.”

He explained, extracting a precise amount of the medicine before removing the needle from the small glass bottle.

“Is that gonna be enough?” You questioned, motioning for your teenage, six-foot tall friend laid out on this man’s kitchen island. “He’s not a kid.”

“It is ten times the normal dose.” Ricky informed you, holding the syringe up between his fingers. “So…if it doesn’t stop his heart, it’ll help him.” He shrugged sheepishly. “But I gotta use the whole thing, or else it won’t work. And I’m not goin’ down if he dies.” He said firmly, shooting a pointed look at his cousin.

“...Okay, fine, do it.” JJ urged, pulling at the roots of his hair.

“Okay.” Ricky said, turning back to face Pope. “Okay....” He reiterated as the rest of you urged him to hurry. He seemed to mentally evaluate where to put the needle before settling on a spot on the boy’s bicep, pushing it in and injecting the dose before slowly pulling it out. “Alright, that’s it…” He said, setting the used needle down carefully.

“...Now what?” Kie asked, eyes flickering back and forth between the paramedic and her friend.

“Now, we wait.” He replied, chewing on his bottom lip.

You all stood around and no one said anything. Not a word as all eyes remained laser focused on Pope, waiting on something. Any sign of life. The TV played mindlessly in the back, the tribe of you waiting for something to happen. All you needed was a gasp or for his chest to move, hell, you would even accept the simple twitch of one of his fingers.

But ten seconds turned to twenty and then thirty, and still…nothing.

“...You killed him.” Kiara said, staring angrily down at Pope’s swollen features.

“No…” Ricky drawled out. “I didn’t do shit.”

“What did you do?” You asked angrily, eyes pinched as you searched Pope’s face for any sign of movement or life.

“I did exactly what you asked me to do.” JJ’s older cousin reprimanded. He was right and you all knew it.

“Pope.” JJ said, grabbing the boy’s shirt and shaking his limp frame on the tabletop. “Pope, c’mon!” His voice raised, shaking the boy harder as you all stood back, distressed. “Come on, bro!”

A second passed and suddenly Pope was breathing in a large gasp of air, his chest rising by inches off the table before he collapsed back down, taking in steady breaths.

You all let out sighs of relief, watching as Ricky almost fell to his knees. Pope began coughing, his frame lurching off the table as he hacked, eventually springing up to sit straight on the table, his face swelling already going down.

“There he is!” JJ cheered, the rest of you laughing or sighing with relief.

“It’s hot.” Pope wheezed out. “I’m really hot, guys…” He exasperated, the boy sliding off his patterned fleece jacket as he slid off the table, all five of you crowding around to help.

“Take it easy...” You instructed, helping the boy off the table as JJ helped him rid himself of the jacket.

“I gotta get outside.” Pope breathed, letting his jacket fall to floor and gently pushing you all off of him as he set out for the front door, the five of you trailing behind.

“I owe you.” JJ patted his cousin on the shoulder, Ricky still standing shell shocked at the turn of events.

“It’s hot!” Pope said again, this time sounding much more irritated as he stumbled through Ricky’s front yard like a baby deer learning to walk.

“Thank you so much.” You commended, looking back at JJ’s cousin before he closed the door. “Are there any side effects we should be concerned about?” You asked as he shut the door further and further.

“He’ll have a rocket up his ass for about half an hour.” He told you. “Then, he’ll be fine.” Was the last thing he said before closing the door, leaving you to turn around and watch your four friends chase Pope through the front yard like an unleashed puppy.

“WHOOOO!” Pope exclaimed, hands on the steering wheel of your Ford Bronco — driving down an empty road back to Freedman’s church just as the sun set and the street lights came on.

“Pope, you’re driving kind of fast…” Kie piped up from the backseat, in between Sarah and John B. JJ was in the passenger seat while you seemed to get booted to the trunk of your own car.

“Pope…” JJ started. “Last to judge, but I think you should slow down a little-”

“No.” He cut off the blonde. “That would definitely delay our arrival to the cross. We gotta get there.”

“Okay,” You piped up, shoving your face in between Kie and Sarah in the back seat. “As the primary driver and sole owner of this car, I’m saying you need to lighten up on the gas pedal, bud.” You advised from the trunk, wind whipping through your hair. “Why did we let him drive again?” You questioned. “And why is JJ in the passenger seat instead of me?”

“Because I said I’d rip your ears off.” Pope replied in a single breath.

“And because I fixed this piece of shit on wheels-”

“You call my car a piece of shit on wheels one more time and I’ll rip your ears off-” You warned, squinting at the blonde through the rearview mirror.

“Okayyyy,” JB spoke for the first time in minutes, interrupting the small dispute. “Pope, how’re you feeling?”

“Great.” The curly-haired boy smiled, continuing down the road at a constant, life-threatening speed. “I don’t know what JJ’s cousin gave me but I am movin’!” He exclaimed, taking one hand off the steering wheel to make a speeding motion with his free hand.

“We couldn’t tell...” Kiara smiled awkwardly, buckling her seatbelt.

“Okay, well, um, you’re going really fast right now.” John B tried to parent, leaning over the shoulder of Pope’s seat from where he sat directly behind him.

“Yeah, really fast!” Pope laughed, craning his neck to look back as he drove, the car swerving wildly between the two lanes.

“Woah!”

“Pope!”

You all panicked, grabbing whatever you could as the car continued to basically drive itself until Pope refocused his sights in front of him, speeding up the car to miles you didn’t know it had the capability of going.

“God, is he driving slow…” Pope sighed, attempting to pass the car in front of you all by swerving into the wrong lane, paying no mind to the car coming straight at him.

“You don’t need to pass-” Kie tried, sitting up straighter in her seat.

“Pope, if you crash my car-” You warned, gripping the edge of the backseat for stability as you slid around in the trunk.

“You don’t need to pass!” Kiara continued as the other car swerved into the grass just as Pope swerved into the correct lane, now in front of the car you were previously behind.

“Man, what an asshole. Am I right?” The boy in the driver’s seat scoffed.

“He was going the speed limit...” You huffed, straightening yourself out.

“We’re not gonna get to the cross if we’re dead, Pope!” JJ exclaimed from the passenger seat, holding onto the safety bar. The tires of your car screeched over the road, your headlights not focusing on one single thing for more than a second.

“We’re not gonna die. It’s our divine right to get that cross.” Pope dismissed, looking back as he spoke, the car swiftly making a sharp left.

“Pope, look at the road!” You screamed, watching helplessly as your car drove into the left lane before nose diving into the woods. Pope tried to make an attempt at turning the car which only made things worse, the side of the car slamming hard into one of the six-inch wide Oak Trees as the airbags deployed and your frame went flying over the side of the trunk, tumbling through the grass. The windshield shattered, leaving glass littered throughout the vehicle as you heard your friends groan in pain, the hiss of whatever was damaged under the hood sounding out in the woods.

You held your ribs in pain, rolling over a sizeable rock on your way down.

“Y/N!” You could hear your name being called in the distance, the sound of glass crunching, your friends coughing, and one of the car doors closing ringing in your ears. The voice called out for you again just as you’d found the strength to roll over on your stomach and push yourself up onto your knees.

“I’m over here!” You rasped, coughing.

It wasn’t long before the familiar sound of JJ’s heavy combat boots were heard crunching over branches and leaves, a warm hand finding home on your back as the other slid under your stomach, helping you stand. “Hey, you okay?” The blonde asked, turning your frame to face him as your hands grabbed his forearms.

“Perfectly fine.” You strained, stretching out your back a bit as the boy brushed hair and leaves from your face. “Are you okay?” You asked, your eyes finally zeroing in on him to find a small cut on one of his eyebrows as well as some red-splotching on his cheeks and forehead, most likely from the airbag.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” He assured when your own hand reached up to brush your finger against the small cut, one of his hands ceasing yours.

“Is everyone alright?” John B weak voice echoed out into the woods, both you and JJ turning to watch as your friends all climbed out of the vehicle before making your way towards them.

“I think so…” Sarah replied.

“That is the last time you drive, Pope.” JJ reprimanded.

“Look at my truck...” You pouted, examining the destroyed windshield and the odd ways it was bent, not ignoring the steam emitting from the hood.

“One word.” JJ spoke. “Totaled.” He cringed. “Yeah, I don’t think I can fix it this time, princess.”

“Well, we’re gonna have to walk the rest of the way.” Pope ignored the damaged vehicle.

You all shared a look of confusion and bewilderment.

“...Dude-” Sarah tried, watching as Pope tried to walk away, shoulder brushing against JB’s.

“I’m going to get my cross.” He stated.

“Hey,” John B piped up, gripping Pope's arm to stop him. “Just relax for a second.”

“Get off of me.” Pope said, snatching his arm away.

“No-”

“Move.”

“I am trying to help-”

“I am getting my cross.”

“You just crashed her car.” John B said as Pope managed to finally brush past him, walking aimlessly down the road as John B caught up. John B tried his best to restrain the boy once more, but Pope continued to brush him off, time and time again. “You’re gonna get hit by a car!” John B reprimanded, the sight of a huge semi-truck coming down the road going ignored by Pope, who was hell-bent on getting his family heirloom.

“Get off of me!” Pope yelled.

“Stop!” John B yelled back, Pope’s struggle suddenly ending when the truck passed, his dark-brown eyes stuck on whoever was in the vehicle. His eyes never left the vehicle and when it got far enough away from him and close enough to the rest of you, it only prompted the four of you standing behind to see what he was looking at...

Rafe and Renfield, Limbrey’s body guard, making direct eye contact with the six of you. Rafe was driving, a sick grin on his face as Renfield offered you all a salute.

The six of you watched as the semi-truck continued down the road, standing by as it got smaller and smaller. But if they were driving back the way you all were coming, then…

“No…” You sighed, face and shoulders falling.

“...We gotta get back to the church!” Pope screamed, all of you looking at him. “Now!” He ordered one last time before he took off running down the road, the rest of you following.

YOU ALL WERE TOO LATE. And the cross was gone. Arriving at the church and seeing the cross no longer splayed out on the wooden floors was the biggest loss of the day. And no one said anything as you all piled into Kiara’s, freshly stolen, SUV — the only operable vehicle left amongst the group with The Twinkie being parked at Ricky’s which was too far at the moment and your car being completely totaled.

If she got it back in time, he parents wouldn’t even notice it was gone.

“Oh, shit.” She cursed, slowing down as rapid flashing blue lights filled the car. “They found your truck.” She said, looking at you — you, JJ, JB, and Sarah squeezed into the backseat.

You all said nothing, watching as Shoupe approached the vehicle, flashlight in hand.

“Good Evening, officer.” Kiara greeted, the driver’s side window already being rolled down.

“Sheriff.” Shoupe corrected.

“Sheriff. Yeah...”

“...Speed kills, huh?” John B spoke from the backseat, you nudging him in the ribs as he let out a soft ‘ouch’.

Shoupe just eyed each of you individually before speaking. “I pulled the tags.” He said, dragging out the sentence. “I know whose truck that is.” He said bluntly, eyes landing sharply on you and you cringed and offered a small wave.

“Sheriff…” Pope started from the passenger seat. “I just wanna say that this is all my fault. She had nothing to do with this. I take one-hundred percent responsibility.”

“Nothing to do with it, huh?” Shoupe pondered. “...The car’s in your possession kid. I have no choice but to take you home.”

Your face twisted at that. “...Uh, in case you forgot, I don’t really have one of those, so…”

“You do now.” He replied. “The Carrera’s,” He emphasized, eyes drifting towards Kiara whose attention was grabbed by the mention of her parents. “...Have ever-so generously opened their home to you. DCS went through your file and saw they were listed as your Godparents and they agreed to foster you. Right after they mentioned that their car was gone and the keys were missing. “

Well, that was quick.

“I’m takin’ you home. The both of you.” He said firmly. “Or I can take you all in for leavin’ the scene of an accident.”

You and Kiara shared a look before silently agreeing with another and turning to Shoupe. “...Okay.” You both said simultaneously.

“Good.” The sheriff nodded. “Plumb?” He directed the female officer to remove you and Kie from the vehicle — the woman opening the driver’s side and back door. Kie exited the vehicle, looking down as she shut the door.

You spared your friends a glance before climbing over JJ’s lap to exit the car, one of the blonde’s hand finding a place on your waist, pausing your movements. Your eyes shot up to his and you held yourself up above him in the cramped space.

He didn’t say anything, just bored his sad, blue eyes into yours. You frowned pitifully and placed a soft hand on his cheek. “I’ll call you. Okay?” You said, tone hushed. He just sighed, eyes racing back and forth before caving in, nodding sadly. You nodded in a silent reply, leaving him with a soft kiss before climbing fully out of the vehicle, closing the door behind you.

“Come on,” Shoupe instructed you and Kie. “Let’s get y’all home.”

ARRIVING OUTSIDE OF THE CARRERA RESIDENCE FELT ODD. Or maybe it was being back on Figure Eight that felt the oddest. Or maybe it was the whole thing.

In the middle of the night, pulling up to Kiara’s home in the back of a squad car as Deputy Plumb parked the SUV in the drive way and Shoupe let you and Kie out of the backseat of his patrol car. You wondered if the rest of your friends made it back to The Twinkie by now — the absence of the SUV leaving them with no other choice but to walk back to JJ’s cousin’s house and get it.

You and Kiara watched in silence as the headlights on her parents vehicle went dead, Plumb exiting the vehicle and walking over to drop the keys into the girl’s palm and walk off, getting into the passenger seat of the squad car.

“Well,” Shoupe exasperated, hands on his utility belt as he moved to stand in front of the two of you. “Y’all gon’ inside, now. ‘S gettin’ late.” He said, nodding his head once. “Stay safe.” Were his parting words as he walked away, shoes scuffling against the concrete and he rounded the squad car, got into the driver’s seat and drove off, leaving you and a nervous Kie alone in her driveway.

The girl stared up at the house, shaking one leg and taking a deep breath. “Look, before we go inside…” She started, eyes on you. “My parents are probably gonna be super intense. I know it’s been a while since you’ve really seen them…so, I’m just warning you.”

You shrugged, glancing at the house before looking back at her. “Can’t be any worse than my previous living situation.”

Kie just scoffed lightheartedly. “Trust me.” She said, shaking her head. “You have no idea…”

Just then, a creaking sound in the distance grabbed both of your attention — heads whipping up to find Mr. and Mrs. Carrera standing in the doorway of the front door, both of their arms crossed over their chests as they stared down the daughter.

“It’s time for you two to come inside.” Her mother said bluntly, offering no other words. You and Kie spared each other one last glance before walking up the length of the driveway, up the small staircase to the front door before stopping in front of her parents.

“It’s nice to see you again, Y/N.” Mr. Carrera greeted from behind his wife to which you nodded awkwardly.

“It’s nice to see you, too.” You replied simply as the man stepped to the side, making room for you and Kie to enter the house. Kie went first, not even a foot into the door before her mother’s voice stopped her.

“Nuh-uh.” She said, holding a palm out but still not looking at Kiara herself. “The keys.” She prompted, curling her hand in on itself. Kiara complied quickly, dropping the ring of metal into her mother’s hand and proceeding to enter the house, you right behind her.

You can’t remember the last time you’d been inside. Even when you lived on Figure Eight, most of your time was spent at home or at Sarah’s.

“Take a seat.” Her mother directed the both of you, the front door closing as she motioned for the couch in the living just feet away. You and Kiara did as you were told, walking over and taking a seat on the couch — her parents coming over and standing on the other side of the coffee table, right in front of the two of you. “There are two very important discussions to be had here.” Mrs.Carrera started, clapping her hands together. “Starting with you.” She said, pointing at her daughter.

“What you did tonight was…beyond unacceptable.” She began, hands moving wildly and blinking rapidly as she spoke. “Stealing the car?”

“I was bringing it back-” Kiara tried, voice small.

“It doesn’t matter, Kiara!” Her mother exclaimed, scoffing unbelievably and shaking her head. “Here you are, once again, making these stupid decisions against us, your parents, for some boys-”

“They're not some boys, they're my friends. Why can't you understand that-”

“Listen to your mother.” Her father cut in, fishing in his back pocket before pulling out what looked like pamphlet, letting it fall to the table.

Kiara’s eyes went between the paper and her father before picking it up — the words ‘KITTY HAWK’ etched into the front. “...What is this?” She asked, twirling the object in her hands.

“That’s your future, Kiara, if you don’t turn your shit around.” Her father said, pulling his lips into a thin line.

“You’re joking, right?” She asked, voice wavering. “This is like one of those places where they kidnap kids in the middle of the night. Do you know how many kids die in these places? O-or kill themselves?-”

“No, it’s a program for troubled teens with behavioral problems.” Her mother inserted herself, hands on her hips.

“...So, now I’m a troubled teen?”

“What the hell would you call it?” Her dad asked, face twisting. “You disappear for days, Kiara, and then when you do come back to the house, it’s to steal my truck.”

“...I thought my friends were dead.” Kie spat, the room falling silent. “And you guys just wanted me to go back to school like nothing happened-”

“That’s not what we wanted.”

“-Like everything was fine, nothing about that is fine!”

“Nothing about any of this is fine.”

“I’ll do whatever you want!” Kiara pleaded. “Okay, I’ll pull double shifts or whatever. But I don’t want you guys to think I was wrong to help them. Because I wasn’t. I was doing what I thought was right. And I didn’t mean to do all of that to you guys…And I’m sorry.” She explained, tears gathering in her eyes. “I’m sorry for sneaking out and skipping school. It was stupid and I…I’m sorry for going to Charleston. I’m sorry for stealing your truck. I-”

“Baby…” Her mother stopped her rambling, rounding the coffee table to crouch in front of her daughter, taking her hands in her own. “I know. Okay, I know.” She reassured. “We love you so much.” She told the girl before shaking her head. “...But sorry is not gonna cut it anymore.”

Kie’s face fell at her words, eyes drifting towards her father who stood firm in his spot — arms crossed over his chest. “Let me tell you what’s gonna happen.” He started. “No more sneaking out of the house, no more treasure hunts, and no more Pogues. Or you’re going to Kitty Hawk.” He said with finality before his eyes landed on you. “And Y/N, I know you just got here so this may be a lot, but these rules go for you, as well.”

“Yes.” Mrs.Carrera nodded, standing from where she was comforting her daughter to rejoin her husband. “We’ve cleared out a room for you upstairs, you’ll have your own bathroom as well. You’re welcome to work with us at The Wreck but that is completely up to you. Shoupe told us about your car when he got to the scene and if you’re okay with it, we’ll pay for you to get it fixed. Anything you need, you can ask us, don’t be afraid. We only ask that you just respect us, our home, and our rules.”

You understood their rules and expectations but you wondered if that was the only rule that went for you…What if you continuously broke them under their care? Would Kitty Hawk be held over your head, too?

“I completely understand and I appreciate it so much.” You said, trying to offer a polite smile. “Thank you for taking me in and I’ll do my best to help out at The Wreck.” You assured them. “But... I do have my dog, Marley, if you remember her. She’s at John B’s house…along with the rest of my stuff.”

The Carrera’s shared a look, seeming to have a silent conversation before turning back to you and Kie.

“We’ll take you.”

“FIFTEEN MINUTES. ANY LONGER AND WE’RE COMING TO GET YOU TWO.” Mr.Carrera said from the driver’s seat of his SUV.

“We got it, Dad.” Kiara sighed, opening her door and getting out, you following shortly after.

The gravel crunched under your sneakers, the porch light being the only source of light in the dark of night. You didn’t wait to make your way up the small staircase and to the front door, it already being unlocked due to John B’s lack in one’s basic sense of security.

Walking in, you were immediately graced with Marley’s presence — not having seen the animal in hours. You bent down, scratching the top of her head before looking back at Kie. “I don’t have much.” You said. “I shouldn’t be long.” You assured, standing up to your full height and walking into the guest room of The Chateau where you kept most of your belongings — that were mixed in with JJ’s.

“It’s fine.” Kie shrugged, the girl waiting in the living room with her hands in her back pockets. “Even if you do, they’ll just blame me like they do with everything…” You didn’t say anything, just continued gathering your things — throwing them into your heavy-duty backpack and zipping up the bag, throwing it over your shoulder as you walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, picking up Marley’s bowls, toys, and food. “...Can I ask you something?” Kiara said, voice small.

You sat your backpack on the kitchen table, eyeing the Carrera girl as she fiddled with her fingers. “You can ask me anything.” You laughed, a slight look of confusion on your face.

“Do you hate me?” She asked, eyes pinching together like the question brought her physical pain. “‘Cause, you know, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. After what I did…”

“Kie.” You started, pausing in your movements and letting your hands fall to your sides. “I know we haven’t been the best of friends lately, or, friends at all…But I could never hate you.”

She simply scoffed, running her fingers through her hair. “You say that now…”

“Because it’s true. We’ll always be friends, even if-”

“That.” She spat, laughing, but you could tell there was no real humor there. “That is my problem. And I don’t know how you can’t see it.” She said, shaking her head as her sad eyes met yours. “Can you not see how much…pain being your friend is causing me? And I know it’s not your fault, I know that-”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, mildly offended. “Being my friend is causing you pain?” You asked her, eyes wide in disbelief. “Kie, you kissed my boyfriend while you were with Pope. And you expect me to act like nothing happened? What about Pope? Have you even apologized to him?” You reprimanded.

“You-”

“I got kidnapped and drugged and all of sudden you have, what, some kind of epiphany about our friendship? Because up until then you were treating me like shit.”

“That’s not why I-”

“Then explain it to me-”

“I can’t!” She yelled, cheeks taking on a shade of red. “...Okay? I’m trying, I have been trying but I can’t. It’s like the words don’t match up or…or nothing checks out. None of it makes any sense.” She rambled, pulling her fingers as she paced on the spot. “It’s so much more complicated than you think and I feel like I should tell you but I could be ruining everything-”

“Just try.” You sighed, shoulders falling. “It’s just us here. We have a little over ten minutes before your parents come marching in. I won’t say a word.” You told her. “I promise, I’ll let you speak and I’ll listen. I just want to understand. I want to understand where our friendship went wrong.” You pleaded. “I miss you, Kie. But somewhere in this mess of what our lives have become, you and I fell apart and I can’t figure out why…”

“...I saw you.” She struggled out, failing to maintain eye contact as she spoke. “During John B’s memorial, I saw JJ kiss you.” She said. “And…I felt this, this pang of jealousy. And at first, I thought it was because things weren’t going great with Pope. But at some point, I realized it wasn’t that. So, I jumped to the next reasonable conclusion — that I liked JJ.” She sighed. “Seeing the way he looked at you, I thought maybe I wanted him to look at me like that. Y’know, maybe I had feelings for him and was just realizing it. That’s why I kissed him in Charleston.” She explained sadly, eyes finally meeting yours.

“It was a shitty thing, I know.” She scolded herself, hands waving wildly. “Kissing him to figure out my feelings while you two had something going on wasn’t cool, I know that. I hate myself for it. Because it was pointless.” She swallowed. “...I didn’t…feel anything. I kissed him and I felt nothing. And it didn’t hurt my feelings when he pushed me away and told me he didn’t see me that way. And I was so angry at myself but confused, too…” She said, almost like she was working out her thoughts as they left her lips. “Because if I didn’t like JJ, then why couldn’t I stomach the sight of you two together?”

You listened as she spoke and you were glad you were finally getting her side, truly. But the direction this was going…

“...And then, seeing you in Barry’s trailer. That’s when everything fell into place.” She said, a stray tear rolling down her cheek. “Seeing you like that made my entire world stop. I wanted to be the one to scoop you up and hold you and tell you everything would be okay. And my heart shattered when I realized that I couldn’t, not in the way I wanted to.” She confessed, taking one weary step in your direction. “I know it’s a weird way to come to a conclusion like that, but…I think that’s when I realized I wasn’t in love with Pope or JJ.” She said, shaking her head. “...I’m in love with you. I don’t know when it happened or how or…why…” She confessed, voice wavering.

“And I’m sorry.” She cried, wiping her eyes. “For being such a bitch and ruining our friendship over something so stupid. Because I know that it’s too late and even if it wasn’t, even if you weren’t with JJ — you and me would never be anything. And the thought kills me every time.” You didn’t know what to say, standing completely still and listening to her talk. Although, you weren’t sure if you were listening.

Your longest best friend was standing less than a foot in front of you, telling you how she was in love with you.

“So, if you hate me, I understand, okay?” She cried harder, pressing her hands into her eyes.

“I don’t hate you.” You finally spoke, voice flat and small as you made no move to comfort her. You didn’t know how. Would a hug make it worse? Would the touch of your hands on her skin make things better or worse? “Kie, I-” You stuttered to find a response. “I don’t know what to say…or do. Do you want a hug or…?”

There was no right way to go about this, you realized. You’d caused each other so much pain over the last few weeks — knowingly or unknowingly, justified or unjustified, it was all the same.

The brown-haired girl just shook her head, wiping her eyes clean. When she made eye contact with you, her eyes were red and slightly puffy as she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “No, please, don’t.” She requested, voice breaking. “It’s my fault.”

Your face fell at her words, taking a single step in the girl’s direction. “Don’t say that.” You said softly. “You did some shitty things, for sure.” You laughed lightheartedly. “But…you can’t control how you feel. You can’t dictate who you love…”

You words only made her face twist further in sadness. “...I never wanted to hurt you.” She sighed sadly, eyes filling with tears once again. You simply gave her a tight-lipped smile of pity, gently taking one of her hands in your own.

“Neither did I.” You assured, your own voice wavering when the loud honking of a horn came from outside — the both of you jumping at the loud noise.

“Guess our time’s up…” Kiara spoke, avoiding your eyes once more as she let her hand fall from yours as she turned towards the door. You nodded to yourself, taking a breath and grabbing your bag from the table and securing it before throwing it over your shoulder once more, whistling for Marley who met you swiftly at the command.

Kiara opened the door, the Golden Retriever bolting out of the house and to the SUV, wagging her tail as she waited for you to open the door. You walked out of the door silently as Kie held it open, letting it close behind herself as you both walked back to the car, shoes crunching once more as you swiftly turned to face your friend, stopping her in her tracks.

“I…” You stuttered. You didn’t know what you wanted to say or planned to say. But you felt like you should say something. But no words would come out.

Kie just offered you a sad smile, patting your shoulder. “It’s okay.” She said to you. “I’m happy for you. Honestly, I am.” She spoke, voice low seeing as you standing right next to the vehicle with her parents inside. “You’ve been through so much and you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy. And JJ is that person, not me. I can see it your eyes and his — you’re meant for each other. And one day, I’ll be fine with that.” She said, not waiting for you to speak as she went around the other side of the car, getting in.

You stood in silent contemplation for a few moments before snapping back to reality — opening your door for Marley to jump in as you threw your bag to the floor and jumped in, shutting the door as Mr.Carrera drove off, the radio playing lowly.

When did your life become such a mess?

IT WAS THE NEXT MORNING AND YOU WERE LISTENING TO MUSIC AS YOU STRAIGHTENED OUT YOUR BED SHEETS. You’ll admit, it was nice to have your own room again and have some normality as a teenage girl.

Some…

You and Kie hadn’t said more than two words to each other since last night — those two words being ‘good morning’ as you awkwardly passed each other on the way out of your rooms and downstairs to join the Carreras for breakfast.

The meal was awkward but mildly comforting. It was nice to feel part of a family again, even if deep down something was telling you this picture-perfect act wouldn’t last long.

You heard Mr. and Mrs.Carrera loud and clear — break their rules and it’s Camp for Cuckoos.

After breakfast, you’d freshened up and started to put your room together. Mrs.Carrera had generously gone and bought you a bed set, some new clothes, and even some small decorations to make the place feel less empty. She even went as far as to buy Marley, who was sunbathing in the middle of your floor, a new, much less worn and tattered, bed that was sitting in the corner of your newly furnished space.

Even if it was only temporary, you figured you could get used to this. It was still in the early hours of the morning as you played interior decorator — your music pausing on your bluetooth speaker as a call came through.

Picking up the device, a smile spread on your face from ear to ear as you answered. “Hi, Blondie.”

“Good mornin’ to you, princess.” JJ’s voice broke through the other end. “You sound wide awake. That’s a first.” He said, the sound of wind whipping by coming from his end.

“And you don’t sound like you’re home.” You pointed out skeptically.

“I’m never home.”

‘Y’know what I mean…” You pressed, sitting on your bed and rubbing your hand over the soft blanket.

“I’m with Bree, right now and we, uh, may need a little assistance, if you will.” He told you, voice sounding nervous even through the device.

“...What’s wrong now?” You asked.

“Well, uh, Rafe’s got the cross and Pope latched onto the back of his truck and went God knows where and Rose has Sarah and she’s taking her to some loading dock.” JJ explained quickly, hearing both boys curse as John B took a sharp turn, you assumed. “So, the two of us can’t really do this by ourselves but John B here is determined.”

You bit your lip in contemplation — breaking the rules on day one?

...Seemed pretty on brand.

“I’ll be there soon.” You assured before hanging up the phone. You stood in thought for a few moments, opening the Find My app on your phone to see how far your two friends were, trying to mentally decipher whether you could get away with just sneaking out or if you’d have to sneak out and sneak your car keys which were sitting on the counter downstairs…where Kie’s parents were.

A quick request from your location to JJ’s told you that without your car, the estimated distance would jump from a forty-five minute drive to a three-hour walk. You sighed and peeked out of your window. To your surprise, the Carrera’s SUV was gone, leaving only your freshly fixed Ford in the drive way, looking cleaner than ever.

A small smile of relief spread on your face as you quickly exited your room, skipping down the steps and heading for the kitchen only to find Mike and Anna downstairs — Mr. Carrera testing new recipes to add to the menu down at The Wreck while Mrs. Carrera cleaned up the dishes he left behind.

Both of the adults turned to you at the sound of your feet skidding to a stop.

“Good morning, again, Y/N.” Mrs. Anna smiled at you, dropping dishes into the sink. “Are we in your way? Did you need something?”

Your mouth gaped like a fish until you settled on a smile. “No, just…came down for a snack.” You lied, both of them sending you a polite smile in return as they returned to paying you no mind. Eyeing the arrangement of small chip bags conveniently placed next to the dish that held all the keys, you padded across the kitchen, noisily grabbing one of the bags to mask the jingling of the keys before shoving the metal in your pocket and heading upstairs.

Your face twisted as you ascended the staircase — if the Carrera’s were downstairs, where was their car?

Allowing your intuition to guide you, you skipped the door to your room to stand in front of Kie. A twist of the knob and a push of the door told you that the brown-haired girl who wasn’t occupying her room was responsible for the missing vehicle outside. You wondered where she went before remembering you had her location as well.

Closing her door softly, you pulled your phone out once more to see that she was driving in the middle of the woods. How long had she been gone and where was she going? Pinching your fingers to zoom out, you could see she was closer to Pope than any of you, that realization answering your question.

With the turn of events this morning was taking, you wouldn’t be in this nice house much longer before you and Kie were being shipped off to Kitty Hawk.

Entering your room, you closed the door gently and threw the bag of chips on your bed. Trotting over to the window, you lifted the glass and screen — the familiar North Carolina breeze hitting you as you did. You looked back at the bedroom door one last time, feeling bad for having to ruin something good. But these were your friends. Your family. Helping them wasn’t a question.

Tiptoeing onto the roof and closing the window, you quietly made your way down to the driveway — getting into the driver’s seat and quickly driving off.

“WHAT IS THAT?” You could hear John B’s hushed voice as you got closer to the sound you were emitting. “Dude! Turn that off! Why are you ringing?” He reprimanded his blonde friend as you approached the two of them from behind from where they were hiding behind a family of crates and boxes.

“It’s Y/N, I don’t know why she’s pinging me-”

“Hi.” you said quietly, standing in between your two best friends as they jumped at the sound of your voice. You tapped the button on your phone to stop JJ’s from making noise.

“Jesus!” JJ whisper-yelled, both boys sighing as they looked at you.

“You should find a better way to announce yourself when we’re on important missions.” John B told you, steading himself.

“Well, having your location doesn’t really help when your in a junky ass shipyard.” You sassed, shooting a grimace at the boy which he returned in full.

“We said the pinging was for emergencies only.” JJ told you, putting his phone on silent and shooting you a playful glare.

“It was!” You said, hushed. “I couldn’t find you and I had to hop the fence. What is this? A private dock?.”

“Guys,” John B grabbed your attention. “I think that’s their ship.” He said, pointing at the large boat the dock members were anchoring.

“Wait,” JJ started. “The Coastal Venture…” He thought to himself. “Dude, I know that ship. My dad did legs on her last summer, it’s a total tramp steamer. I worked on her in port…”

“There’s the cross.” You added, referring to the wooden crate being lifted with a pullet system — what look like Rafe with two unknown men standing and watching as they pulled it up.

“God, I hate that guy…” John B whispered as he eyed Rafe from afar. You couldn’t agree more. “There she is.” He piped up, eyes drifting to the side — Rose and Wheezie walking behind Sarah, who was being escorted roughly towards the ship. “Guys, we gotta come up with a plan.” John B urged to the two of you.

“I know.” JJ said. “We’re working on it.” He continued as your eyes scanned the ship, thinking of possibilities.

“Hey,” You cut in. “If we can get over that barge, we can go over. We’ll have to get in the water, though.”

“Then we’re gonna be sitting ducks-”

“Howdy.” Kie’s voice startled the trio of you, her and Pope’s footsteps coming to a stop as they appeared behind you three.

“Whoa!” JJ exclaimed, whipping around before realizing it was just his two friends. “I was about to stab your eyes out…How’d you guys even find us?”

“Geo-located your phone.” She said simply. You made brief eye contact with the girl before you both looked away, the action not going unnoticed by your observant boyfriend but he seemed to settle on saying nothing.

“Yo, Pope. You okay?” John B asked, a hand on the boy’s shoulder as you all looked at him — covered in dried mud and dirt and specks of blood. “What happened?”

“Rafe, round three.” Pope whispered, voice raspy.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Again?” JJ said angrily.

“This was a tie.” Pope told the blonde, calming his boiling rage. “Is that the cross?” He asked, eyes on the wooden crate across the shipyard. He sounded so focused and determined.

“Yeah…” You answered, sighing. “And they’re holding Sarah hostage.”

“We gotta get on that boat.” Kie worried, hand on her forehead.

“First, we gotta get past the Goon Squad.” JJ pointed out a crowd of workers and guards that would surely kick you all out.

“We gotta move.” John B urged, the four of you walking forward before he looked back and saw that Pope was going the opposite direction. “Pope, what’re you doing?”

“I have an idea.” He held out a cautious palm. “Just trust me.”

“No-”

“Trust me and go.” Pope called, walking away. “I’ll meet up with you guys.” He said before disappearing. But something was screaming at you to follow him, to not leave him alone. So, in the middle of your running, you quickly turned and headed the opposite way.

“Hey!” JJ called, eyeing you wildly. “Where are you goin’?”

“To help Pope.” You told him, never faltering in your steps. “He’s not thinking straight and it doesn’t feel right to leave him alone. Just go, okay? We’ll meet up with you guys.” You urged him before turning away and following Pope’s trail.

You arrived to the boy just in time to find him unscrewing the tops to a family of propane tanks. “Pope.” You whispered, creeping up to him to avoid being seen. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Creating a distraction.” He told you bluntly, stepping away once at least three of the tanks were hissing — the gas being released as he stood back, pulling a gun from his pocket.

“Jesus-!” Your eyes went wide, immediately stepping forward and grabbing the weapon from his hands. “I’m not going to ask questions about how or why…” You said, referring to the gun as you pushed him back with a firm hand on his chest. “But, Pope, you’re already caked in dirt and shit.” You pointed out. “...But, you are the brains of this shit so if you think causing an explosion will help us get on that boat, then fine. But you’re not getting whiplash after fighting.”

Turning away from the boy, you cocked the gun back — aiming it directly at the tanks.

“Y/N-”

“It’s fine, Pope.” You breathed, glancing back at him quickly. “We’re gonna get your cross.” You assured before refocusing your sights and pulling the trigger, barely having time to register your actions before you were blown back by the explosion, you and Pope landing on your backs as smoke filled your airways.

“Oh, shit…” You coughed, pushing yourself up as you heard a marching band of feet coming your way. “Pope, c’mon, we gotta go.” You urged, helping the boy up as you both ran from the scene and to your friends.

You both fell to a stop in front of the three of them, breathing heavily as you dropped the gun to the ground.

“What did you do?” JJ asked, worried, crouching down in front of you and brushing hair out of your face.

You just coughed before laughing and tapping the brim of his hat. “We were playing with guns.” You smiled, one last cough leaving your lungs as the blonde rolled his eyes and helped you up, fighting the smile growing on his face.

“You’re a dork.” He scoffed, placing a small kiss on your lips.

“Pope, what was that?” John B asked, helping up his friend.

Pope just ignored his question, pointing to The Coastal Venture. “Look. That’s container’s going on the ship. We can get in that way.” He told the five of you — John B wasting no time in charging for where Pope had pointed, the rest of you following.

Pope leaped into the back of the shipping container without hesitation, JJ being the first to speak up. “Hold up,” He urged, looking up at the curly-haired boy in the container. “Did you think this through?”

Pope didn’t even seem to think before answering, tone blunt and short. “Yes. This is the plan.”

“That’s a trap right there. You see that right?” JJ asked, pointing to the other shipping boxes. “We can’t get out once we get in-” The blonde panicked, John B stepping forward and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey,” He started, looking JJ in his eyes. “You guys don’t have to come, alright?” He offered, briefly glancing at you and Kie as well.

“Right.” Pope agreed, nodding his head at the three of you. “This is our fight.” He told you all — referring to himself and John B.

You, Kiara, and JJ shared a weary glance before JJ tossed his hands out and tilted his head, eyes on yours. “P4L?”

You glanced nervously inside the dark, tight space, cringing — were you claustrophobic? Because that’s what it felt like. Looking back at JJ, a groan rose from your throat. “P4L…” You exhausted, turning and sticking your hand up for Pope to help you up into the container — followed shortly by JJ, then Kie, then John B.

“Guess it’s better than boarding school…” Kie pondered, pulling her lips into a thin line.

The five of you bolted to the back of the container, crouching hiding behind the contents of the space. You and your friends watched, holding your breath, as a man came by and swiftly inspected the container with a flashlight before seemingly deciding nothing was amiss.

“Okay, she’s good to go. Lock her up.” He patted his hand against the metal.

Your breath shuddered as the men sealed the space shut, leaving you all with dim light and humid oxygen. Metal clanked and engines revved as you felt the container begin to sway — you were being lifted onto the ship. It was such an odd feeling, so much so it made your stomach turn in the oddest of ways — JJ taking notice and intertwining your fingers with his.

You shot the blonde an appreciative smile before looking straight ahead to calm yourself.

The five of you groaned as your heads and backs hit the walls of the container as it touched down, letting out breaths of relief.

There was no telling how this was going to play out or end, for that matter.

But hey, P4L, right?

next chapter>

feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.

SVN Taglist; @esquivelbianca @fallingwallsh @calmoistorm@i-love-ptv @rafxcameronss @ldrvinyl @purplerose291 @heartsforandrewgarfield @coolgirl458 @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @jujubeaz @ellobruv-blog @libertyybellls @c4ttheart @ihe4rttwd @redhead1180 @ditzyzombiesblog @spideysimpossiblegirl @sex-me-stiles @honeyiti @rafedrewandjjs @highformaybank @broidfk609 @sophiahristov @boo22sstuff @yourmumstoy @belle101200 @maybankskiss @starrsea @avengersgirllorianna @sekidekiboombeki @wearemadeofstardust0 @supercxnt @ifilwtmfc @maybankslover @walkinginthegalaxy @rivaiken @liability28 @highformaybank @margo-lalam @cigaretteshoney-blog @ucannotcompare @kazunish @ilovemenwithlonghairr @obsimellon @rosesinbloom18

(striked means i am unable to tag you, please check your settings to see if you have mentions restricted or disabled xo)

©loveharlow.

#Spotify #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x black!reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x fem!reader #svn #rudy pankow x reader #rudy outer banks #rudy pankow

189 notes · View notes

stromuprisahat · 5 months ago

Note

... to be loved for who I was, not what I could do ...

How ironic she clings to that one person, who'll never lover her for who she is, but what she can offer him and how can she make him feel (about himself).

What was I good for in this strange country? Mal could hunt, track, handle a gun. The only thing I’d ever been good at was being a Grisha. I missed summoning light, and each day I didn’t use my power, I grew more weak and sickly. Just walking beside Mal left me winded, and I struggled beneath the weight of my satchel. I was so frail and clumsy that I’d barely managed to keep my job packing jurda at one of the fieldhouses.

This should be Alina's life after R&R once again... happy my ass.

Because what's the difference? Malyen might have lost his miraculous powers, but tracking is a skill he spent his whole life perfecting. It might be harder without an in-built GPS, but still very much possible.

What has Alina? She wanted to be loved for herself and she very much enjoyed being Grisha. So she's a ridiculed, dissected grey mouse.

... basically, Alina's that kind of person that wants nice, comfortable home, but not to go to work. She wants a specific nice guy she dreamt of, but if he doesn't really exist, delusion will do. As long as she doesn't have to leave her comfort zone, she's okay lying to herself.

Tragic, really. Especially considering the specifics of her circumstances.

Hi! :D

I have a question, and I'm too lazy to look into it myself rn, so... :)

Does Alina ever mention what she wants from life, save Malyen's attention?

Did she truly want quiet life, or just to avoid responsibility in any way possible?

Does she ever mention wanting a home at all?

Or is it the safe predictability of idealized past?

Thanks, and no rush answering (*glares at my own drafts*). ;)

Heyy! 🩷

Okay I did a quick research myself to verify what I already suspected.

- Does Alina ever mention what she wants from life, save Malyen's attention?

That is hard to answer because Alina keeps thinking about him.

I think this passage from R&R summarizes what she wants:

In S&B Alina thinks only about Mal and she even admits to herself that she deliberately suppressed her powers in hopes that the Darkling would send her back to the First Army disappointed. But in R&R Alina shows a slight change (I repeat, slight🥲). She wants for Ravka to be safe and she wants herself to feel safe. All this running around from the Darkling and looking over her shoulder has exhausted her but she has yet to rid of her old desires.

I've noticed that Alina is a character that refuses to let go of her comfort zone. Mal is her comfort zone. And she doesn't want to let him go or anything that has to do with him (their memories, their common childhood). She takes him with her wherever she goes, she doesn't let anyone insult him, she keeps him on her mind constantly. And that's bad because if you don't leave your comfort zone then you never grow up, you never spread your wings to fly independently. She just clings on him. It's like Mal is her chains and instead of removing him, she takes those chains with her wherever she goes. By R&R she begins to understand that she has to be a Queen and a Sun Summoner for her people. But she sees it as a duty not as a wish. Because she still wishes to be somewhere else with Mal looking at the clouds.

But she fails to understand that Mal is not the man that "is going to love her for who she is" because he doesn't like her as she is now. A Grisha.

- Did she truly want a quiet life or just to avoid responsibility in any possible?

I'm gonna bring a passage from S&S that's gonna answer it for me 🥲

She never wanted responsibilities on her shoulders, least of all to save a country and her people. She loved her powers but didn't like or wanted the responsibilities that came with them.

When she didn't use them and felt useless instead of doubting Mal's "caring feelings" for her, she tries to remove any bad thought and convince herself that "Hey at least I'm not pathetic anymore".

Even from the first passage of R&R Alina can't keep away the thought: "I wish I were somewhere else". So, no, her heart was never fully into her cause.

- Does she ever mention wanting a home at all?

Just like Daenerys from GoT, Alina doesn't know where her home is. Which makes sense I admit. Growing up in an orphanage like that...

Sometimes she mentions the First Army as her home, sometimes the orphanage and sometimes Mal.

She is confused about that which is one thing that I understand about her. She wants a home but doesn't know where that is. When she arrived in the Little Palace in S&S she felt it like home but then after her dreamlike encounter with the Darkling she said that the Little Palace is not her home (confusion levels 📈).

But Mal is a home for her too, apart from all else (this guy has taken over every fabric of her existence).

- Or is it the safe predictability of idealized past?

Honestly yeah, it's that too. She just can't let go of Mal and, therefore, her past. She grabs it and feels insecure without it. Mal (and everything that he symbolises for her) hold her back but she doesn't even seem to mind. On the contrary, every time Mal threatens to leave her, she crumbles.

I don't know.... By R&R she seems like she wants to help but at the same time her past is her soft blanket that she keeps taking everywhere she goes. Mal was the main problem. That guy should have died, no question about it. Alina just refuses to leave her comfort space and that had consequences on her character. I always wonder "Is this what Alina wanted?" when I look upon her final fate. She wanted peace and quiet, yes. She wanted Mal too. But she undoubtedly loved her powers and didn't want to abandon that side of her. But Bardugo knew that if she had to end up with that sexist piece of filth then her powers must go.

Feminism 🤌

#Grishaverse #Alina Starkov #Malyen Oretsev #grishanalyticritical #R&R Chapter 8 #S&S Chapter 1 #S&B Chapter 9 #S&B Chapter 12 #anti Malina #anti Leigh Bardugo #because fuck you lady with your anti growth gaslighting!#Thanks @aleksanderscult #it's just as bad as I was afraid.

52 notes · View notes

khunyuki · 6 months ago

Text

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

ᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛꜱ

Synopsis: Having the infamous Vice-Captain of the Third Division of the Defense Force as your fiance isn't easy especially when the rest of the force expects you to be strong enough to be worthy to be by his side along with your family demanding you to finally get married and give them an heir. The continuous onslaught of expectations and demands from all sides keeps you up at night when you think about how you don't really have a good relationship with him. Or at least that's what you thought...

Pairing/s: Hoshina Soshiro x Fiancee!OC

Note/s: This is a series but I'll try making every part as oneshots so you can read them as is without being confused. I'll add the links once i'm done making the story ^_^

Trope/s: Arranged Marriage; Misunderstandings; Childhood Sweethearts; Hopeless Romantic; Hidden Power; School Romance; Soulmates; Love at First Sight; Workplace Romance

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Smut, Romance, Action

Warning/s: Insecurities, Anxiety, NSFW, Jealousy, Self Hurt

Masterlist

Original Character:

Uzui Kagami

The Uzui clan of ninjas has always been active in assisting the Hoshina clan from the shadows, with a only few of its members serving the Defence Force and the rest being assigned as bodyguards for important people. The Uzuis had been cultivating their personal blade style, however, only select individuals can manage to fully exhibit its potential, thus encouraging its family members to focus on their technical skills in weaponry.

Chapters:

A. Take everything, just not him (Angst)[Introduction][Published]

1. I love you (Fluff, Hurt/Comfort)[Published]

2. I'll show you how much you mean to me (Hurt/Comfort, Smut)[Published]

3. Now do you see just how much I care? (Fluff/Aftercare)[Published]

Side Story:

a. You will always have a special place in my heart (Fluff) [uploaded]

b. Jealousy, jealousy [uploaded]

c. We promised to take care of each other, didn't we? (Fluff)[uploaded]

d. I guess I'm just a friend to you, huh? (Narumi Gen)[uploaded]

e. Puppy Love (Fluff)[drafts]

f. Resisting Temptations (Mild Smut)[Published]

g. I don't want to be just friends but... (Angst)[Published]

h. I am a jealous girl/boy [drafts]

Requests:

Do you want to be my wife that badly? (NSFW)[Published]

Deprived hours (NSFW)[Published]

Prince Charming Gone Wrong [Published]

-> The aftermath [Published]

The enemy of my enemy is not my friend [Published]

What Ifs

Kagami got captured by kaiju no.9 and saved by Soshiro

Kagami almost dying and becomes comatose

#hoshina soshiro x reader #soshiro hoshina x reader #hoshina soshiro #kaiju no.8 #hoshina soshiro x oc #soshiro hoshina x oc #soshiro hoshina #yukikhun

317 notes · View notes

sunlightmurdock · 1 year ago

Text

Like This Forever | 0.1 | J. Seresin

masterlist | next chapter

You’re thinking of the past, right as the future is about to change forever.

Warnings: accidental pregnancy, childhood friends to lovers, country singer!Jake, smut, pining, blissful ignorance, other warnings to follow. wc: 3k (18+ minors do not interact)

A U G U S T 1 9 7 4 / F E B R U A R Y 1 9 9 1

Driftwood — small town southwestern Texas, situated in Lockheart County. Springs, stony hills, and steep canyons. It’s good land, occupying a tiny patch of earth in the middle of the Edwards Plateu. That’s what they all say: good land, good soil. Large acreages of wheat for miles around, grown annually for harvest and winter through spring livestock grazing. The remaining two-thirds of the region is rangeland devoted to cattle ranching. Ranches in this region often seem older than the landscape itself. Lockheart County’s livestock industry is nationally appreciated, it was, even back then. Ranches here are huge, they’ve been there for generations. The town of Driftwood, itself, sits in a valley. It holds on to the people who settle there just like it holds onto the weight of that thick, summer heat all through the day. So hot that even the trees bend and furl like they’re seeking shade too.

Back then, Driftwood was even smaller than it is now. Post Office, Church, two schools, a fleet of locally owned stores on Main Street and a few other buildings for the fathers who weren’t ranchers or ranch hands to work.

On that day in early August, most of Driftwood’s thousand person population were nestled amongst the pews of St. Augustine’s Church, just outside of town. It’s a mile and a half from Main Street, and a mile and a half from the furthest fence on the Seresin Ranch. Their house is a sprawling thing that Bill’s grandfather had built — they haven’t got that kind of money now, and they didn’t on that morning in August. They’ve got three boys, who were squirming around the front pew, melting into the aged wood below them in their smart white button ups. They’ve got another boy too, standing behind Pastor James, holding a processional candle.

Jake’s their youngest. He was nine back then. Small for his age, especially when you stood him next to his brothers and their broad shoulders and long legs. His hair was beyond blond, lightened from the sun. His cheeks dusted with brown freckles and his eyes always narrowed into a type of John Wayne kind of squint. Jake loved John Wayne back then. He loved the cowboys on his bed sheets, and the fact he could see the cattle from his bedroom window. All he wanted back then was a pistol on his hip and a one-way ticket to El Dorado.

Mary-Lynn Seresin grew up in Driftwood, just like her husband had. She had known Bill since she was a little girl, and she had always known that she would marry him one day. Her nails were polished pink that day, sitting pretty atop the procession card as she fans herself with it. Two pews behind, you could still see a droplet of sweat bead from her neat blonde hairline and trail into the collar of her blue polka-dotted Sunday dress.

On that particular Sunday, the fans had packed up and stopped working. So, all six hundred of you who could make it out to St. Augustine’s we’re trapped in there — not just with Pastor James’ storytelling, but with the thick heat pressing down on the entire valley feeling like it had all been shut in this one room with the rest of you.

At the front, Jake Seresin’s cheeks were red, his hair was beading with sweat and his scarecrow, twig-like arms were trembling around the cross. He struggled with its weight and you had watched his green eyes flash out towards the crowd, briefly landing on his mother. Mary-Lynn gave him a proud nod. Bill was staring at the stagnant ceiling fans above their heads. You, were staring right at Jake.

Eight years old yourself, just eight weeks younger than Jake is, you have known that little grass-stain your entire life. In fact, Mary-Lynn and your mother found out that they were expecting just days apart. They had been in the same high school grade as girls, had married men who were good friends, and back then your mother had worked in the town’s hair salon five days a week. They grew very close through their pregnancies. Your mother was the first one to send flowers when Mary-Lynn went into labour a month and a half early.

Jake’s John-Wayne-Squint deepened through the heavy air, watching you like you were both about to draw pistols and settle this like men — right in the middle of Pastor James’ final verse. Your pigtails and your white Sunday dress weren’t fooling him. His robes and the heavy cross in his hand weren’t fooling you. Clearly following his brother’s gaze, Daniel Seresin turns and peers at you over his shoulder. He’s the closest in age to Jake, but he’s still five years older. Thirteen then and too grown up for childish squabbles like those, he just turned back to the front and shook his head.

The first three of the Seresin boys were all born within three consecutive years. Matthew, Noah and Daniel. They’re each tall like their mother, blonde like her too, and have inherited their father’s linebacker shoulders. Noah was fourteen and about to be a freshman in high school. After he fixed the chain on your bike at the beginning of summer, you were full-blown head-over-heels in love with him back then. You thought you were anyway.

Jake, however, had been in your class since Kindergarten and you had been forced to share your toys with him for even longer than that.

His arms trembled before you and your mouth had twitched. Neither one of you was listening to the service. It was almost over. Just a few more minutes until Pastor James wrapped up and the people of Driftwood and poured out of this sauna and out into the dry, morning sun.

Quickly, you shot a look at your mother sitting at your side. She was listening intently, staring right ahead with her neatly steamed clothes and her hair-sprayed hair. You’ll always remember the heavy smell of her rose-scented perfume. Every time you inhale it, you’re sitting at the foot of her bed, watching her fix her face in her vanity. Then, you looked to your father on the other side of you. Exactly the same. Pleased, you turn your attention back to the youngest Seresin boy.

Scrunching your nose, you had sat forwards just slightly and stuck your tongue out at him. Quite the diss back then. Jake’s green eyes had widened, sweat beading down his back under his white shirt and his service robes.

Driftwood is a safe place. It’s a fantastic town to raise children. The schools aren’t overcrowded and cars don’t speed through the centre of town. Country roads are a different story. But no one bats an eyelid, especially not back then, when their children are out of sight.

Mary-Lynn was busily detailing the events of her dinner party that coming Saturday to a group of women that are invited. She’s quite the hostess still. Your mother stood amongst them. Neither one of them were concerned about where their children were in the slightest. Until, that is, the sounds of muffled screaming filled their ears. The mothers of Driftwood rush to the commotion in their kitten heels and pretty dresses. Your mother was the first around the corner. She would recognise the sound of her baby’s screaming anywhere. But you weren’t the one in trouble. As usual, you had been causing it.

Your white dress grass-stained and muddy, dirt under your fingernails and covering your formerly white, frilled socks. You were kneeling. You haven’t yet noticed the crowd of women rushing in your direction. You’ve got Mary-Lynn Seresin’s youngest son pressed into the dirt, kneeling on his back and twisting his arm uncomfortably behind him.

“Say Uncle!” You demanded.

“You’re so dead! Get off!” Jake struggled under you, screaming with all the force that his growing lungs would allow. His voice must have been audible across the entire valley with how he was hollering. Freckled cheek pressed into the dirt, his white shirt was destroyed and he was in the middle of ruining his shoes with how he was scrambling for purchase in the dried dirt.

Quickly, your mother had grabbed you under your arms and hauled you off of the boy, spinning you to face her.

“What do you think you’re doing young lady?”

“He started it! — He said my dress was ugly!”

“It is ugly, you look like a girl!” Jake huffed from behind you as he had stumbled onto his feet and taken a look down at his church clothes. Slowly, he had lifted his gaze to look at his mother. Sullen and worried looking, he began to pout. It wasn’t working. Mary-Lynn had raised three boys by then, she knew when they were trying to play innocent.

The thing about growing up so close together, is that approaching double digits was a confusing time. It was around that age that your mother began to put her foot down when it came to all of those tom-boy activities. Girls might roughhouse and come home with holes in their jeans and mud on their faces, but young ladies didn’t. The dress was her idea.

Jake’s comment had been passing, just a whisper as his family had headed into church ahead of yours, but he was right — you did look like a girl. Back then, that wasn’t a compliment coming from him. So, you had cornered him outside and pummeled him into the dirt. Fair is fair.

“Mary-Lynn, I am so sorry about her — send me the dry-cleaning bill. I’m sorry, we should go.” Your mother had sighed in a hurry, frowning down at your ruined clothes, then looking towards Jake’s. You’ll always remember the smile on Mary-Lynn’s face after. Not pity, because she knew you were in a lot of trouble for this. Just fondness. She had gently patted your mother’s forearm and shaken her head.

“Let’s finish our chat. They’re already filthy. Let them play.”

Looking up at her, you hadn’t understood why she was siding with you back then. You had just almost broken her son’s arm for sport. As you grew, Mary-Lynn Seresin was always on your side. In her kitten heels and dresses, she remembered being a dirt-covered little girl once too. No one was telling her son that it was time yet, to be a man. There’s no harm in letting you be young a little longer.

Your mother had looked uncertain, but people in Driftwood always looked to Mary-Lynn for advice. She had somehow managed to keep four boys in line perfectly, her parenting expertise was studied by those around her. Finally, she had given you a brief nod.

You remember spinning on the delicate almost-heel of your church shoes, rounding on Jake, ready to brawl. You have no clue where the stick came from, but he was armed when you had turned around — but Jake always fought fair. He tossed you a stick of your own and took aim. Green eyes narrowed, he was trying to look down his freckled nose at you, but you were taller then.

“She’s gonna marry that boy someday.” Mary-Lynn Seresin had huffed with a wistful smile, watching the mud-caked children tear off through the field once again. This time, with sticks in hands and violent intent plastered across their dirty faces.

You’re not eight anymore. Jake’s not nine. This time of the year, you both happen to be twenty-six. You aren’t trying to kill him with a stick anymore either. You’re sitting at your favourite bar in Driftwood — there are four now — watching your best friend up on stage. He’s always confident. He has been since he hit that growth spurt when he was twelve. Since then, Jake has been unstoppable. But on stage is when he really shines.

The Dark Star feels like an old bar. It’s packed every Friday night. It smells like malt and smoke and Jake’s been playing here every Saturday since he was seventeen. This is the last time that it will ever be like this, and you don’t even know it yet. Jake’s in the middle of an original. People around here know him, they know his music. They might not get all the words right, but he always gets people singing.

Jake isn’t small for his age now. He grew into his nose, and he inherited those big shoulders, his skin’s tanned from his days out at the ranch. He’s strong and funny and kind. Sometimes it catches you off guard, when you turn your head and find a man in place of the little boy you once knew.

You’re in a booth, talking numbers. It turns out that you had inherited your mother’s knack for business strategy, and Jake’s way with words had rubbed off on you long ago.

You don’t look like the little girl Jake had once known either. If he was concerned about you looking like a girl before, then you can only imagine how dismayed he must be when he looks at you now. Breasts and everything.

“It’s more than potential, Stu — you saw how crazy people were for him when he was opening for The Ashford Band.” You tell him, fingers curled around a brown glass bottle. This is already settled, the deal is already done. You knew from the second that he walked in that you had Stu Adler suckered.

This is a deal that you’ve been mulling over for a couple of months now. Getting Jake on his first headline tour. His debut album came out last week and it’s doing well, but the record label is tiny and the publicity deal is even smaller. Jake’s making pennies compared to other people in his genre, but you’re about to change all of that.

“Six months is a long time on the road. It’s a different lifestyle,” Stu’s dishwater grey eyes flicker briefly up from the plunging neckline of your top to meet your gaze. He’s an older man, with a once successful career in Los Angeles. Now, he spends his time scrounging small towns for talent. He’s just a stepping stone in your plans for Jake. “You’re sure he can handle it?”

Stretching your legs out, you scoff incredulously at the accusation as Jake’s last song dwindles behind you. The beer bottle is cool against your lips. Stu swallows, watching your lips purse around the rim to drink. You know he’d die for the chance to get his wrinkly, old dick in your mouth — it’s why Jake’s about to get the best deal of his life.

“Jake? — Of course.”

“Can you?” Stu asks. The light on you for once makes you cringe. Even so, your poker face doesn’t falter. Calmly staring across the table at him, a small smile on your face. “Y’know, he’s going to need a manager that I can rely on. I.e. — one that he won’t dump, sweetheart.”

This only makes your smile grow. “Jake is like a brother to me. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

It’s that lie that secures the deal. Six months, a hundred and sixty dates across the US. Mostly small venues, but it’s his first headline tour — and it’s all because of you. Because of that one little white lie. Letting Stu think that he’s got a chance with you. Letting him think that you’ve never fucked Jake.

You have. Twice, already by this point. Once, after senior prom. Your date was an asshole and his was cruel. You’d parked his truck out in the west pasture of the Seresin ranch and got a little too drunk under the stars, and wound up with your legs hiked up over his shoulders. The second time was Thanksgiving two years ago. Your family joined his. All of his brothers have fiancés or wives now. Sharing Jake’s bed in his childhood home that night, neither one of you was drunk. You were just lonely, and maybe bored.

Tonight, there are a couple of different factors at play. Sure, by the time that you and Jake collapse down onto that red, velvet couch in the Dark Star’s ‘dressing room’, you’ve had plenty to drink. You’re not quite as lonely as you were that thanksgiving, though.

You turn your head and he’s grinning at the ceiling, chest heaving from the energetic final song. His arms stretch along the backs of the couch, his eyes closed for a moment. You watch him silently.

“You’re incredible.” Jake’s half-cut on an unhealthy mix of tequila and vodka, but smiling, eyes still shut, chin still pointed towards the sky. He gives his head a small shake. “A hundred and sixty dates.”

A smile plasters itself across your lips. As drunk as you are, it’s nice to be complimented for your hard work. “Yeah, we’ll see if you still think I’m so incredible when you’re living off of burgers and beer and still have eighty shows to go.”

The smell of cigarettes lives within the fibre of this room. Part of the furniture, nestled amongst the cracks in the red painted walls. There’s the couch that you’re sitting on, and an illuminated vanity against the far wall, and then a coat stand. It’s not much of a dressing room, but it’s fine.

You just wish it would stop spinning.

“I mean it.” His fingers rest atop your denim clad thigh, patting platonically. You hear him sigh from beside you. He squeezes at the supple skin under his hand. “Thank you.”

“Jake… since when do you have manners?” You ask him. Both of you are sitting with your eyes shut on this old, probably dirty, velvet couch. It’s five in the morning. The two of you might have gone a little overboard with celebrating. Wayne Mayhew, the owner of the Dark Star might have threatened to kick you both out of his bar if you didn’t finally get off of his damn stage ten minutes ago.

But there’s a high buzzing between the two of you that feels electric. Wordlessly, you know Jake feels it too. That this is the last night. Here, in this shitty hometown bar. Everything is about to change. After this tour, nothing will ever be the same again — for either of you.

Jake’s thumb trails back and forth in just one small pattern, reminding you that it’s there on your thigh.

It’s been on your mind all day, for no reason at all. That Sunday in August in 1974. Your ruined church dress and the fat bruise on Jake’s cheek the next day when you had seen him at the market. The start of it all.

Those late night drives and all the evenings you studied together. Jake’s football games and his band practices — back when he had thought he wanted to be in a band. Him drying your tears and making you laugh. Growing up together, talking for hours and hours about all of the possibilities. This was everything Jake had ever wanted, and he’s thanking you.

Your eyelids weigh double what they normally do — heavy as you blink open your eyes and turn your head. This time, he’s looking across at you. The tips of his fingers brush the inseam of your blue, low-rise jeans. His face is calm, he isn’t saying anything and he’s far from doing anything either.

Scrunching your nose, you poke your tongue out at him. Across the couch, Jake lifts his brows. The corner of his mouth twitches. He’s got stubble now. Stubble, and chest hair and an Adam’s apple. But that look, that glint in his eye that’s just daring you to try him has always been the same.

Jake’s fingers twitch, pressing into the soft flesh of your inner thigh. Dim lighting, fifteen year old red paint on each of the four walls, and that perpetual cigarette smell — it’s hardly a romantic fantasy. And this is far from a good idea.

But it’s Jake. Confident, loud Jake who gets shy when he’s around someone he really likes. Funny, smart-mouthed Jake who under it all is a great listener. Goofy, habitual Jake who has the nighttime routines of a fifty year old housewife.

Strong-willed, handsome, Jake, your best friend — who’s looking at you like you’re his next meal.

…

@fia-thefirst @daggerspare-standingby @dempy @v0id-chaos @moonlight-addisyn @grxcisxhy-wp @shakespeareanwannabe @coconut152 @330bpm-whiplash @takemetooneverlanddd @princess76179 @loveofvernonslife @averyhotchner @trickphotography2 @sushiwriterhere @the-romanian-is-bae @atarmychick007 @talktomegooseman @xoxabs88xox @thedroneranger @roostersforevergirl @buckysdollforlife @abaker74 @blackwidownat2814 @kmc1989 @whatislovevavy @lonelywriter10 @s-u-t @topguncortez @callsign-joyride @rosedurin @86laura11 @theenorthstar @mygyn @growup-thatbeautiful @percysaidnever @katiedid-3 @its-the-pilot

#jake smut #Jake Seresin #Jake Seresin x reader #Jake Seresin x you #jake seresin x y/n #Jake Seresin fic #jake seresin #Glen powell #Jake hangman Seresin #top gun: maverick

497 notes · View notes

nevernonline · 1 year ago

Text

✧.* grow as we go; smau masterlist

synopsis: over the past ten years you've fallen in love many times. one day someone happens to stumble across your journal sitting out on your nightstand and started posting your entries online. after all of your secrets are leaked it's clear things would ever be the same again.

𐦍 paring: svt members x afab! reader.

𐦍 feat: non-idol! svt, (g)-idle minnie&soyeon, oc's

𐦍 genre/s: reader is super angsty low-key, fluffy, sexual themes.

𐦍 content: swearing, bullying, crazy ex's, mentions of sexual relations, some drinking& mary jane 🍃

𐦍 start date: october 2nd 2023

𐦍 updates: mainly mondays or thursdays.

𐦍 tag list - open

𐦍 note/s: a lot of what will be written is mainly as journal entries from the readers perspective!! in the beginning every other chapter or so will have a written entry. I'm mainly using ulzzang pictures for our main character. I'll be posting the profiles and introduction sometime tomorrow probably. the girlies love indie musicians & harry styles,srry.. I hope u enjoy, hehe. ily!

𐦍 chapters under the cut.

𐦍 profiles:

001 | 002 | 003

𐦍 journal entries:

part one;

00. introduction.

#1. super sleuths.

#2. the case of the cyberbullies.

#3. two robots fell in love.

#4 the fall of the empire.

#4.5 plan b?

#5. chronic memory keeper.

#6. quit!

#7 snake in the grass.

#8 not the bath mat.

#9 seeing red

#10 nerd heard?

#11 devil in disguise.

#12 stolen heart.

#13 gut feelings and emotional dealings.

#14 dressing for revenge.

#15 leave it to the cullens. (part 1)

#15 leave it to the cullens. (part 2)

#16 the part we play.

#17 happy trails

#18 damage control.

#19 anywhere you go.

#20 lost and found.

#21 we're so back.

#22 end it all.

#23 signing off for now.

#24 epilogue.

part 2; (coming soon)

609 notes · View notes

stromuprisahat · 3 months ago

Text

Yup! I thought the same about that "Suli" and "Ravkan".

To- "it" in Czech, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's the same in more Slavic languages. We often have very similar words.

e- I wouldn't be surprised, it it's supposed to be read "ye", therefore the same as "je"- 3rd person of singular of "to be". Again, talking about Czech to make it simple for myself.

biti- another form of "to be", except in Czech, there should be "y" to make it closer to grammatically correct. "Býti" is a bit more archaic form of infinitive.

zabavno- in Czech it would be slightly butchered version of "zábavný"- an ordinary term for "funny".

The first one would be further from my language, but the "ne" is rather obviously more Eastern form of "no".

“Ne brinite,” Marie said with a giggle. “What?” I asked, baffled. “To e biti zabavno.” Nadia giggled. “She said, ‘Don’t worry. It will be fun.’ It’s Suli dialect. Marie and I are studying it in case we get sent west.” “Ah,” I said. “Shi si yuyan Suli,” said Sergei as he strode past us out of the domed hall. “That’s Shu for ‘Suli is a dead language.’”

Marie spent the entire walk to the stables complaining about Sergei and the other Corporalki and debating the merits of Suli over Shu. Suli was best for missions in the northwest. Shu meant you’d be stuck translating diplomatic papers. Sergei was an idiot who was better off learning to trade in Kerch.

Northwest? Don't Suli travel in Ravka and Shu-Han? Shu is south of Ravka. Also, "To e biti zabavno" sounds almost exactly like "Eto budet zabavno" which is Russian Ravkan for "It will be fun". How did Alina not understand that? Moreover, Suli has dialects which resemble Ravkan? Inej Ghafa speaks a different Suli dialect. You're telling me LB could've explored the struggles of a dying language and how there are less and less Suli leading the nomad life, choosing to leave and settle down in different countries like we see in CK but instead chose whatever the hell was in KoS duology?

#Grishaverse #S&B Chapter 9 #Suli #What if/AU/...#grishanalyticritical #Shadow and Bone (book)#Grisha trilogy #books #quotes #Leigh Bardugo

36 notes · View notes

elysianightsss · 7 months ago

Text

Limerence | Seven

C H A P T E R S E V E N

limerence / lim-ê-rêns / (noun)

“Obsessive romantic attraction towards another person”

Summary: In which the owners of Jujutsu Incorporated, the Ôgami brothers, are suddenly interested in you.

Pairing: Alpha!Sukuna x reader, Alpha!Itadori x reader, Alpha!Gojo x reader, Alpha!Geto x reader, Alpha!Nanami x reader, Alpha!Kenjaku x reader

Status: Ongoing.

Genre: werewolf au, soulmate, polyamory relationship, angst, fluff, omegaverse, a/b/o dynamics.

Warnings: smut, violence, mentions of knotting, heats, ruts, insecurities, some descriptions of reader’s body, mention of possible ED, omegaspace, domdrop, swearing, blood, depression, suicidal thoughts, possessiveness, obsessive thoughts, Alpha tendencies.

Chapter Warnings: nudity, panic attack, talks about scar, negative thoughts, first heat, smuttyness, scent talk. Writing this late so let me know if there is more I need to tag.

Masterlist | Chapter Six | Chapter Eight

Taglist: @better-imagination-9 @tiredjuniper @jjkz @honeybeeboobaa @cherryblossomdelusion @dependsonthedream @alluresenses @qardasngan @imcamboaf @ondragonhonour @misscaller06 @itsberrydreemurstuff @queen-luna-007 @thepeachesclub @xxemmarldxx @elleflying07 @heartless-tate @victoria1676 @dremerys @openup-yourmind @catobsessedlady @topmeyelena @your-favourite-god @neptunieesworld @canary58143

Taglist is open.

————————————————————————

Previously on Limerence:

“She has anxiety?” Yuji asked more to himself.

“Don’t we all?” Suguru joked making his brother give him a ‘shut the fuck up’ look. He raised his hands up in a show of surrender, smirk still on his face.

“I just mean, I didn’t know she had it to the extent of having to take meds for it.” Yuji explained his thoughts glancing down at you.

“Neither did I. None of us do. I guess I realised that when I was at her place too. None of us know her yet, we don’t know anything about her, her life, her family. None of it. We’ve known her for a day, not even a full day either.” Suguru sighed, he couldn’t wait to learn more about you.

“We will soon. I’m excited for the days I know all there is to know. I will feel like I’m complete as her mate.” Yuji laughed with joy on his face only for Suguru to wipe it away.

“Something tells me there will always be something new to learn with our gorgeous mate.”

Kento had talked it out with Sukuna and Satoru, both brothers had made sure that Kento was in the correct headspace before coming to find you. He found you wiping the sleep from your eyes fighting to stay awake while Yuji ran his fingers through your hair gently.

“Why don’t we get you a fresh set of clothes, get you out of those ripped ones hmm?” Suguru offered and smiled like a lovesick puppy when you nodded sleepily, he patted Kento on the back as he left to grab you some clothes.

“Sweetheart?” Kento’s hands had began to shake, he knew that even if it wasn’t all his fault, it was partly his doing. How stupid he was to have let Jade stay in that room. He should have ushered her out before taking the call. He shouldn’t have been so trusting with a stranger around his mate, what a fool he was.

You looked up at Kento and felt conflicted. You yourself understood he wasn’t at fault, yet your dormant omega who had suddenly become alive, she was apprehensive. She felt betrayed in some way that had you feeling waves of the same feeling even if you didn’t want to.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he says, almost like he doesn’t know what else to say, or maybe he knows it doesn’t matter what he says, you won’t forgive that easily. That’s why your omega relaxes slightly, she can clearly see the promise to make it up to you, to grovel and graft sparkling in his eyes.

You just nod, but it’s all your omega is allowing you to do. Thankfully Suguru has perfect timing as he comes back into the room with a small pile of clothing for you. With a sweet smile he holds them out to you, offering him a smile of your own you take the pile from his hands. Slipping off of Yuji’s lap, he inhales sharply making you turn around with a frown, then you hear the same thing from the two other men in the room.

“What?” You frown turning back to your other two mates.

“Angel h-how…” you turn back to the pink haired man, his eyes brimming with tears.

“What?” You blink confused, then you feel it. A slight breeze blowing over your bare back, tickling the damaged skin and suddenly your lungs feel like sandpaper as your breathe in and out, suddenly Yuji’s proximity as he stands suffocates you. Something burning starts to unfurl in your stomach like you’d be retching soon, a coil tightening, curling and swirling until a shiver of terror racks its way through your body and your running.

Pushing past Kento who tries to catch you but your faster, slipping out of what little grip he had on you and running right into a confused looking Sukuna, bumping his shoulder and once again pushing. You needed to get away, needed to breathe. All you knew was that you were drowning and the longer you went without air, the further down you were being pulled. Your eyes began to blacken at the edges just as you reached what you hoped was the front door and as if God was on your side for once, it was.

The sky was pitch black, the only light coming from the street lamps. A golden hue shining over you as you descended deeper into your frazzled state of anxiety. Then as though the sky cracked open with a noise only rivalled by a sonic boom, Kento roared. It was automatic the way your feet stopped,

Even through your fuzzy brain and lightheadedness you still managed to hear the growled command, “Omega. Breathe.” You did. You took in deep breath, after deep breath until you were almost hyperventilating, almost exactly the same as you did this morning when you met them. Fuck it hadn’t even been a full day of knowing them and already you’d had what? Two? Three? Mental break downs.

“Omega.” Sukuna rushes to you, falling on his knees too. His arms surrounding your figure, pulling away quickly when you hiss and cry out as his skin meets yours where your shirt had been ripped at the back.

“Kuna.” Oh. His eyes are glued to you, fuck he hadn’t heard anyone call him that ever. He wishes it wasn’t laced with the sadness and pain clear as day in your voice. He wishes to hear it only in your happiest times.

“I’m here pup, just breathe omega. My beautiful omega, breathe for me,” you nod doing your best to take the breaths he’s asking you to, “that’s it, good girl. Good girl keep doing that, in and out slowly like me. Watch me.” He says cupping your cheek with his hand and turning your head until your eyes are on him, and as he asks you watch him, slowly falling into a steady rhythm of copying him. Air fills your lungs the way it desperately needs.

You allow Sukuna to coax you back inside and into the living room, it seems like everything is moving in slow motion as he leads you to sit on the sofa, kneeling in front of you. He frowns, face pinched with pain as he watches the tears fall down your cheeks, “Please pup, tell Alpha what he can do to make it better.”

You shake your head, “You can’t fix this, you can’t fix me. I can’t be fixed. I’ve tried, I’m still trying. Nothing works.” You say so strong and a matter of fact that Sukuna feels like he’s being challenged, he hears his wolf whine for the first time in its entire existence, “If you knew…” you start only to sigh and bury your face in your hands.

Sukuna goes to push for an answer when a hand places itself on his shoulder, he looks up to find Kenjaku staring down at him shaking his head. No room for arguments, Sukuna moves away from you so Kenjaku can pick you up. You squeal and after a slight panic you realise it’s just Kenny. With a small huff you ask to be put down to which he simply responds “No.”

Kenjaku carries you through the blue hallway, up the stairs and third door on the right. It’s, dark and a little cold, you feel yourself being placed on a cold surface then a flick of a switch and the white light fills the space around you. A modern style bathroom that you guess would look big if the enormous gorgeous beast wasn’t stood in it.

You take notice of the black marble countertop you’ve been placed on, it contrasts perfectly with the white tiled walls, and the white sink, next to which is the pile of clothes Suguru had given you earlier. How long had Kenjaku been back and how the hell did he manage to refold and place the clothes in a neat heap on the side?

“Arms up.” His voice is the softest it’s ever been, he hopes his face isn’t too harsh either as he watches you carefully. You go to say no, your mind begs you to only to be shushed by your omega with a softly whispered, alpha’s talking.

You hold your arms up in the air and the way the corner of his lip twitches up makes your chest swell with happiness, he looks proud of you and that has you almost preening under his gaze. He moves forward slowly, rough fingers grazing the soft skin of your hips as he grabs the hem of your ruined top and pulls it off of you dropping it on the floor.

He goes in again hooking his fingers in the sides of your trousers, “Lift.” He orders and you do, putting your body weight on the strength of your arms to push your bum off the counter enough for Kenjaku to pull your trousers down. He drops those on the floor too before grabbing the trousers in the pile and slipping them on.

He grabs the sweater, brown sharp eyes that are desperately trying to be softer, glare at your bra in offense. Before you can even protest Kenjaku is pinging the clasp of your bra open, he doesn’t even bother to look away respectfully as your breast spill out. He simply pulls away the bra, dropping it on the pile on the floor and pulls the tops onto your head, helping you put your arms in the correct holes.

You’re once again fully clothed, covered from the shoulders down in soft comforting cotton. Though your cheeks are warmer, your body feels a little achy and you have this throbbing feeling in your lower abdomen.

“Better?” He tilts his head waiting for an answer, the sight makes you crack a smile and nod.

“Thanks Kenny.” You see him freeze, a wrinkle in time, a pause in his world but not in yours. What he does next surprises you, his arms wrap around your body as he begins to nudge your legs apart so he can step in between them and hold you tightly. His thin lips drag over the skin on your forehead, leaving the sweetest of kisses there.

“You’re welcome princess.” His deep voice, the way his sturdy body was pressed against yours, how held you tender yet tight. And his scent, fuck, his scent the sweetest cinnamon hot chocolate and something musky like a manly cologne sprayed on himself to minimise the sweetness of his scent.

You realise that all of your mates have sweet bakery scents, sweet treats or drinks. Each of them attractive to you, each smelling like something you’d get from the bakery across the road from Jujutsu Kaisen Headquarters. It simply makes you bury your face further into his neck and inhale deeper.

Your nose pressed up against his scent gland was something else entirely, you breathed in deeply and unconsciously rolled your hips against the marble counter top. You’d not noticed too busy getting high on your vicious mate’s sweet smell but Kenjaku…oh he’d noticed. He reckons he could sniff out your arousal from down the street with how strong it was. His brothers would definitely notice too if that thought was anything to go by.

“Princess?” Kenjaku was unsure what to do to in this situation, to his knowledge you hadn’t had a heat ever. Was this one coming on or were you just horny? He couldn’t make heads or tails of it but what he did know was that you were clinging onto to him tighter, breathing heavily while your hips hesitantly rolled stuttering slightly each time.

“Yes Kenny?” You sounded so innocent like you genuinely didn’t know what you were doing. It had him closing his eyes tightly to get himself to calm down before he spoke.

“Are you okay?” Not wanting to scare you off by pointing out your unconscious actions, he’d let you lead this conversation. If you chose not to say anything about it, he would happily stay like this until you were ready to pull away.

“I’m not sure. I’m really hot all of a sudden.” And it was all of a sudden, like a flick of a switch, a wave of painful heat shot through your body lingering the most in your lower stomach where you’d get your period cramps. If felt similar to that but hot and more painful. It had you hunching over, hands scrambling to grab onto anything that would anchor you as the pain pulsed through your body, wave after wave.

“Omega?” He questioned, bending with you only to be hit with a strong surge of your phenomenons, they were pungent and smelled so fucking good. The way your body pushed them out more and more with each wave of pain you experienced, you were calling for an Alpha to aid you, help you.

“Alpha.” You gasped sharply, throwing your head back with a pleasure expression when Kenjaku’s hand gripped your thigh, his touch sent sparks all over you. Tingles of exquisite pleasure coming from the simple pressure of his fingertips on your leg.

“Ken.” Kenjaku was quick to snap his head towards his brother who stood in the doorway, his blonde hair messy and his clothes ruffled. He looked as disgruntled as earlier in the day right after the Jade incident occurred. He looked his way expecting an answer of what was happening to you.

“I think she’s going into her first heat.” Kento’s eyes widened with shock at his black haired brother’s words.

“But that’s..” he wanted to say impossible but would it be? You were finally surrounded by all your mates, you’d had an extremely stressful day which had pushed your once dormant omega out of hiding. It was entirely possible that your first heat, long overdue, would come now.

You moaned arching your back when Kenjaku’s hand had slid up your thigh even higher, his pinky brushing against the front of your clothed cunt. His eyes raking over your figure, he couldn’t help the groan that slipped out when he noticed the wet patch that had began to grow there. You were slicking up ready to be knotted.

“Fuck what do we do?” Kenjaku asks not taking his eyes off of you as you began to breathe raggedly and buck your hips in search of the friction you needed.

“She’s going to need us.” Sukuna’s voice had joined the conversation, making his presence known.

“She’s not…she won’t be ready for that mentally or emotionally even if she is physically.” Kento said shaking his head. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. You were supposed to get to know them and them know you. You were supposed to exchange ‘I love you’s’ first. Have the ultimate trust in them first.

Not even a day and your body was already in tune with them and your omega had slotted herself back into your life, coming back just as easily as she had left it.

“Kuna.” You whimpered, a sheer contrast to how you’d cried it earlier voice so full of sadness. Now it was needy and wanting, filled with desperation.

“Yeah baby I’m here, what’d you need bunny?” He pushes past Kento to come to your aid, his usual teasing expression completely gone and replaced with pure seriousness.

“We should move her to a bed, get her comfortable for what’s coming.” Kento suggested, talking lowly to Kenjaku as you reached forward clinging to Sukuna grabbing at his hand roughly to bring it to your aching pussy.

“Omega, be patient.” He intoned you, the first time you’d ever experienced it. The automatic response to do exactly as you’d just been told was maddening.

“Which room?” Sukuna asked his brothers.

“What’s going on?” Satoru had come seeking out you and the glorious smell that had began to fill the house. His white hair all tussled in a stressful way just like Kento’s.

“Sweetheart which room do you want to be in?” Kento asked you watching your face carefully.

“Kenny’s.” You whined despite how tightly you clung to Sukuna. Almost as if an order had been given Sukuna wrapped his arms around your body and began marching through the hallway and straight into Kenjaku’s room. He placed you on the big dark blue covered bed gently, leaning back and watching the way your back arched off the bed. He had to try his hardest to resist when you made grabby hands in his direction.

All six Alphas in one room now, all watching as you writhed in a waves of pain and begged for pleasure to be given to you. Only one question needed to be asked.

“What do we do?”

226 notes · View notes

stromuprisahat · 11 months ago

Note

You know how girls will disappear for months and give a bunch of hokey as the reason when they're actually having a baby

The rumour mill after Alina suddenly went on an amplifier hunt after like 3 months of training when other Grisha trained for years must have been crazy

And I'm pretty sure half of the Little Palace was already certain she and Aleksander are fucking.

“And what about her?” cried another Squaller. “How do we know she isn’t working with the Darkling? She helped him destroy Novokribirsk.” “And she shared his bed!” shouted another. Never deign to deny, said Nikolai’s voice in my head. “Just what is your relationship with Nikolai Lantsov?” demanded a Fabrikator. “What was your relationship with the Darkling?” came a shrill voice.

Siege and Storm Chapter 13

It's pretty obvious when you look at it. Especially Alina's Fete outfit screams MISTRESS! Even before that, all signs are there:

Dinner seemed to last forever. I nursed a glass of tea and endured another round of endless Summoner chatter. I was getting ready to excuse myself and escape back to my room when the doors behind the Darkling’s table opened and the domed hall fell silent. Ivan emerged and sauntered over to the Summoners’ table, seemingly oblivious to the stares of the other Grisha. With a sinking sensation, I realized he was walking straight toward me. “Come with me, Starkov,” he said when he reached us, then added a mocking “please.” I pushed my chair back and rose on legs that felt suddenly weak. Had Baghra told the Darkling that I was hopeless? Had Botkin told him just how badly I’d failed at my lessons? The Grisha were goggling at me. Nadia’s jaw was actually hanging open. I followed Ivan across the silent hall and through the huge ebony doors. He led me down a hallway and through another door emblazoned with the Darkling’s symbol. ...

Shadow and Bone Chapter 9

“Why did she do it?” I asked as I tried to sit up. I’d had plenty of people ignore me or look down on me. But Zoya actually seemed to hate me. Marie and Nadia gaped at me as if I’d taken a crack to the skull instead of the ribs. “Because she’s jealous!” said Nadia. “Of me?” I said incredulously. Marie rolled her eyes. “She can’t bear the idea of anyone being the Darkling’s favorite.”

Shadow and Bone Chapter 11

Since none of the other Grisha knew that I’d had so much trouble summoning, they were all a little baffled by the change in me. I didn’t offer any explanations, and Genya let me in on some of the more hilarious rumors. “Marie and Ivo were speculating that the Fjerdans had infected you with some disease.” “I thought Grisha didn’t get sick.” “Exactly!” she said. “That’s why it was so very sinister. But apparently the Darkling cured you by feeding you his own blood and an extract of diamonds.” “That’s disgusting,” I said, laughing. “Oh that’s nothing. Zoya actually tried to put it around that you were possessed.”

Shadow and Bone Chapter 13

Genya squeaked, and I just stood there gaping at the contents. When I didn’t move, she reached into the box and pulled out yards of rippling black silk. The sleeves and neckline were delicately embroidered in gold and glittered with tiny jet beads. “Black,” Genya whispered. His color. What did it mean? “Look!” she gasped. The neckline of the gown was laced with a black velvet ribbon, and from it hung a small golden charm: the sun in eclipse, the Darkling’s symbol. ... “Excuse us!” announced Genya. “But we have need of this chamber. Darkling’s orders!” Zoya’s beautiful blue eyes slitted dangerously. “If you think—” she began and then she caught sight of me. Her jaw dropped, and the blood drained from her face. “Out!” commanded Genya. Zoya snapped her mouth shut, but to my amazement, she left the room without another word. Genya slammed the door behind her. ... The sad, sickly girl with hollowed-out cheeks and bony shoulders was gone. In her place was a Grisha with sparkling eyes and shimmering waves of bronze hair. The black silk clung to my new form, shifting and sliding like sewn-together shadows. And Genya had done something marvelous to my eyes so that they looked dark and almost catlike. ... In the other boxes on my bed, we found golden silk slippers, glittering jet and gold earrings, and a thick fur muff. When I was ready, I examined myself in the little mirror above the basin. I felt exotic and mysterious, like I was wearing some other, far more glamorous girl’s clothes.

Shadow and Bone Chapter 14

Sure, the reader knows Alina didn't summon, but other Grisha don't. ... and when a girl suddenly radically changes her behaviour, while gaining a shape, EVERYONE knows she's the boss' new favourite AND they sneak off somewhere TOGETHER...

... and once Alina returns, the sickly, frail girl is back:

When we finally pulled up to the immense black silk tent, a crowd of Grisha swarmed around the coach. Marie and Ivo and Sergei rushed forward to greet me. I was surprised at how good it felt to see them again. As they caught sight of me, their excitement vanished, replaced by worry and concern. They’d expected a triumphant Sun Summoner, wearing the greatest amplifier ever known, radiant with power and the favor of the Darkling. Instead, they saw a pale, tired girl, broken by misery. “Are you all right?” Marie whispered when she hugged me. “Yes,” I promised. “Just worn out from the journey.” I did my best to smile convincingly and reassure them. I tried to feign enthusiasm as they marveled at Morozova’s collar and reached out to touch it.

Shadow and Bone Chapter 20

I don't know how other Grisha, but I'd suspect some tragedy.

Miscarriage?

Stillbirth?

If Grisha can have hard time conceiving, how likely is it those won't be unusual either?!

#reply #Grishaverse #Grisha trilogy #Alina Starkov #Second Army #The Darkling #Darklina #grishanalyticritical #S&S Chapter 13 #S&B Chapter 9 #S&B Chapter 11 #S&B Chapter 13 #S&B Chapter 14 #S&B Chapter 20 #books #quotes #Leigh Bardugo #Siege and Storm #Shadow and Bone (book)

48 notes · View notes

stromuprisahat · 1 year ago

Text

theweeklydiscourse:

Had Alina reflected on Aleksander’s words to her, she might have been able to reconsider her own prejudice and how that could impact her fragile self-image and the lives of others. Alina is like a giant who is unaware of her size, she continues as she always has without any regard for her surroundings or the potentially catastrophic consequences of her actions (or inaction). When she runs from the little palace, she briefly considers the enormity of her actions and how it could affect the country before dismissing those thoughts on the basis of “Well the Darkling is clearly evil and I know in my heart that Baghra was right”. Her biased thoughts are literally RIGHT THERE but are never truly unpacked after Shadow and Bone.

Bardugo was SO CLOSE to creating this compelling narrative about the heroine realizing her internalized prejudice and going on to become a heroic figure who could save her long lost community. But, she instead opted for a far more shallow narrative that fails to grapples with the social issues she included in the story!

The Darkling decided early on how much he would disclose to Alina about his plans for the coup based on a conversation they had on the way to the palace.

I like to look back at this scene from Shadow and Bone that takes place after Alina was seconds away from being killed by a Fjerdan assassin. She denies that she is Grisha, pointing to her plain and scrawny appearance for proof of her certainty and Aleksander responds with a remark about how Alina doesn’t understand what being Grisha even means.

It’s a telling scene because it shows just how surface-level Alina’s view of Grisha is. To her, Grisha are shiny, beautiful and strong and they are prioritized over the common folk soldiers she once belonged with. Of course, Aleksander knows that there is so much more to being Grisha than just beauty, but realizes that there’s so much to unpack with Alina’s statement he doesn’t even know where to start.

This exchange explains one of the reasons why he didn’t disclose his true plans to Alina, much less his ultimate secret. If Alina has such a shallow understanding of Grisha identity, she will also have a shallow understanding of just how much is at stake in this conflict. Alina is no ordinary Grisha, so it hasn’t quite sunk in that she has skin in the game and is more significant than she realizes. Her denial of her Grisha identity (despite obvious evidence proving otherwise) Alina is staunch in her assertion that she is just a normal girl. It is that same denial that tells Aleksander that Alina cannot be viewed as reliable just yet, time needs to be taken to teach her a better understanding of the Grisha first.

This next exchange is the second reason why Aleksander doesn’t tell her. Although Alina herself may not have said that superstition out loud, but it demonstrates how Alina was exposed to those views during her formative years. It raises his suspicion that Alina may hold some remnants of the Serf’s ideas and perhaps compels him to think ahead to assess if this could grow into a potential threat. He ABSOLUTELY cannot tell her the truth anytime soon if there is even the slightest possibility that she believes that he’s soulless and “truly evil”. If Alina snitched on him, his entire operation could be shut down for good and set the Grisha back decades. Not to mention the fact that it could get a lot of Grisha killed.

“You didn’t hurt his feelings.” Dear Reader, this was only the beginning of Alina denying Aleksander’s humanity in order to avoid taking responsibility for her prejudice and to avoid the complex reality of the situation. You can almost hear the incorrect answer buzzer go off in Aleksander’s mind as Alina tells him her answer, I can almost feel his pure disappointment through the page.

Because Aleksander poses an important question that reveals one of Alina’s central conflicts that will continue throughout the trilogy. Alina is still deeply uncomfortable with the idea of Grisha powers after spending her life among people who call them unnatural and strange. To the point that it wasn’t just the fact that the assassin was sliced in two that bothered her, but because of the magic that sliced him. Why on earth would he trust her with his greatest secret when she reacts with such hesitation? He was testing her to gauge how long it would be before Alina could be trusted as an ally to Grisha and received an answer that told him it might take a while. If Alina can’t handle her the idea of her own powers, she cannot be trusted with a secret that could determine the future of Ravka.

I don’t know about you, but I fully believe that Aleksander had every intention of telling Alina the truth, it’s just that considering his personal relationship with her over the safety of his people was a risk he couldn’t take. This gets a bit muddled later on because Alina’s narration seems to care more about her personal feelings of betrayal than the consequences this plan could have on the country. She never takes a moment to look at the bigger picture and consider the consequences of her reckless actions.

I know that I’m just breaking the scene down and explaining what’s happening in it, but it truly is such an informative scene that hints at a potentially fascinating storyline.

#Grishaverse #S&B Chapter 5 #Alina Starkov #The Darkling #S&B Chapter 7 #S&B Chapter 9 #Darklina #self centred and paranoid #Genya Safin #Grisha #S&B Chapter 16 #Shadow and Bone (book)#grishanalyticritical #anti Leigh Bardugo #It's already here

388 notes · View notes

lyjen · 8 months ago

Text

Ask for help

Evan Buckley x Sister reader

A request by: @shauna-carsley - the request

Summary: As (y/n) and her fiancé get hit by a drunk driver, she loses the love of her life. Her family and best friend are trying to help her whenever and where they possibly can. Until she shuts them out.

Next Chapter >> | 9-1-1 masterlist

______

“I’m so glad we get to do this again. I’ve missed you.” (Y/n) spoke as she braked for the light that jumped on red. She looked at her fiancé, who was sitting in the passenger seat and was smiling at her words.

“I’ve missed you too babe. It’s been a while since we’ve had a date night.” Jay said as he put down his hand onto her upper thigh.

Jay and (y/n) have been together since high school, junior year to be exact. They’ve reached their seventh year of being together. And in these seven years, a lot has happened. From Jay deciding to join the Navy seals, to a proposal from Jay before he went on his latest mission.

Meanwhile (y/n) chose to join the fire department and become a paramedic. He serves the country, while (y/n) serves the city.

Jay had just returned from his latest mission. And since their irregular schedules, they made an arrangement to have a date night every two weeks, well.. if Jay was not on a mission.

(Y/n) was driving through the LA streets, on their way to the restaurant they had chosen. She was so excited to be with her fiancé again. It has been six months since Jay went on his mission, he was lucky that it was only for six months. Worst case scenario, he would’ve been gone for twelve months. Which actually has happened once or twice, so (Y/n) was used to being without him now and then. Of course they texted, every single day. And when he had time, they would Facetime. There were so many stories to tell..

Laughs and smiles were sounding through the car, it felt good to have him back beside her.. It felt like he had never left.

“What the fuck..” (Y/n) mumbled under her breath as she was driving, and saw a car which was driving in the opposite direction, violently swerving to the left and making a sharp turn to the right on the other lane. This guy was driving like an imbecile. As if he had gotten his driver's license free with a box of cereal.

When suddenly the car on the lane next to her bumps into the side of her car. (Y/n) tries to keep her car under control as she starts steering the wheel like a mad person. But she couldn’t keep the car steady enough.

And the car sends them crashing into a tree. Her ears were ringing, and her vision was blurry. Her head was pounding, it felt like it was about to pop off of her head. “Fuck” she mumbled as she squeezed her eyes closed, trying to get rid of the headache and the blurry vision in her eyes. She let her right hand tighten on her left shoulder, which was hurting like a bitch. That was definitely a dislocated shoulder.

“Jay?” she says as she shook his shoulder, to try and get any reaction out of him.

“Jay! Baby please wake up!” she cries, as she gives him a push, but Jay’s unconscious body doesn't seem to move. Only the push she gave him got his head flopping down to his chest.

With a trembling hand, she reached out to her phone which was on the phone holder. Her hands were shaking so much, she almost wasn’t able to unlock her phone and press the numbers to call 9-1-1.

“T-..this is firefighter (Y/n) B-..buckley, station 118.. I..- I.. c- crashed my c-..car” she stumbled through the phone. “Can you see where you are ma’am?” The woman on the phone asks. “R-..rose.. Avenue”

“Hey.. have you heard anything from (Y/n) about Jay?” Evan asks Eddie as he puts on his turnout coat and steps into his turnout pants.

Eddie was (Y/n)’s best friend and they shared everything with each other. If Eddie and (Y/n) weren’t together, they would be texting each other. It was like they were glued to one another.

“Nope, haven’t heard from her. The only thing I know is that she went picking him up at the airport this morning.” Eddie answered as he stepped into the truck and put on his headphones with Buck following close behind him.

When the truck came to a stop on scene, adrenaline was streaming through Evan’s veins. He could see the windshield was broken into a thousand, maybe a million small pieces. And the front was sandwiched for a small part, with smoke coming from the engine.

But when Evan came closer to the car, his stomach turned and filled itself with anxiety when he realised the car which crashed into the tree looked suspiciously much like his little sister's car. He bit his lower lip as he approached the car with Eddie walking next to him.

Please don’t let it be (Y/n).

Don’t let it be his baby sister, and Eddie’s best friend.

But when his eyes fell onto the license plate, Evan knew enough and stopped Eddie in his tracks. “(y/n)” Evan spoke, as he pointed at the car. Eddie frowned at the random name drop of his best friend. “What?” Eddie asks, confused as he feels Evan’s hand still pressing on his chest. “The license plate... It’s (Y/n)’s car Eddie!” Evan said as he was still trying to process what was happening right in front of his eyes.

Eddie’s eyes shot towards the license plate. But as soon as he realised Buck was right they both started sprinting towards the car. “Fuck! (Y/n)!” Eddie’s voice screamed.

Sobs came out of (y/n)’s mouth as she grabbed at her left shoulder. “Hey, hey, hey! Oh my god, (y/n)..” Evan panted as he opened the driver's door and his eyes fell on his little sister. Her body was fully covered in bruises and cuts.

Meanwhile Hen and Chimney were working on Jay, trying to get his vitals and started to get him out of the car.

“Buck” she cries out as she hears his voice talking. “Yeah I’m here sis.. Let’s get you prepared to get out of this car, okay?” He tried to remain calm. Nothing hurts more than seeing your own sibling in distress.

Eddie gets in the back of the car, he puts the neck collar around her neck and secures it. “Jay..” she cried as she could see her boyfriend carefully getting lifted out of the car on a backboard. ”Is he okay?” she asked while a colleague handed her brother a backboard. Evan looked at Eddie with a concerned look in his eyes. “Buck?” she tried to get his attention. Evan didn’t know what to say. Eddie put a hand on (y/n)’s shoulder, “Let's just focus on you right now.” and he stepped out of the backseat from the car.

When put down the backboard they were lifting onto the gurney. (y/n) pulled at Eddie’s jacket. She felt like she was a kid wanting to ask her dad something. Eddie turned around looking at his best friend lying down on the gurney. He’d rather see her standing next to the gurney, helping people.

“Put my shoulder back in.” she demanded.

“(y/n)...” Eddie sighed. She tightened her grip on his jacket, and pulled him closer to her with all of her strength she had in her right arm. A dark look washed over her face, and her lips went into a thin line. “Put it back in damn’ it!” she spoke.

Eddie looked over at Evan, who was shaking his head lightly.

He sighed once more. He wanted to tell her to wait until she was in the hospital, that doctors would pop it back in its place. But he knew trying to go against it wouldn’t help. She would have that shoulder popped back in right now, one way or another. She didn’t care how much pain she would receive.

Her breathing starts to fasten as Eddie grabs her arm with both of his hands. He slowly extended the injured arm out to the side, raising the arm gently and bending the elbow so that the palm of her hands touched the top of her head.

She squeezed her eyes at the radiating pain that shot from her shoulder through her arm. (Y/n) took a deep breath as Eddie slowly moved her hand down towards the nape of her neck.

When he moved her hand to the opposite shoulder, (y/n) could feel the shoulder pop back in its place together with a flood of pain. She screamed all of the air out of her lungs as she felt the sharp pain leading from her shoulder all the way down to her hand.

Evan closed his eyes as he heard the scream of his little sister. He could feel it entering and leaving his body. Her scream went through marrow and bone. It sounded like she was being tortured.

Eddie carefully folded her arm back down over her abdomen in a ninety degree position. He couldn’t give her a sling, not when she was lying down on the stretcher with a collar around her neck.

“Is he okay?” (y/n) asked her brother when they wheeled her into the ambulance. Evan was so focussed on his sister, that he actually forgot about him. He didn’t know the status of her boyfriend. The ambulance with Jay in it had already left while they tried to pop (y/n)’s shoulder back in. “I am sure he is fine sis..” and gave her a slight smile.

________

“Thank god” Maddie’s voice sounded through her eardrums as (y/n) opened her eyes. She rolled her head to her left, and her eyes connected with her sister standing up from a chair which was next to her bed. Maddie gave her sister's hand a soft squeeze when a tear left the corner of her eye. “Welcome back” Evan said while he laid a hand on the shoulder of his older sister, trying to give her some comfort.

“Where’s Jay?” is the first thing (Y/n) asks as she looks over at her brother and sister who are now both standing at the side of her bed.

Evan looks at Maddie, as if they could communicate by only looking at each other. A sigh left Evan’s mouth and scratched the back of his neck, which was a habit of him when he was nervous.

He couldn’t tell her. It broke his heart into a million tiny pieces only to see her like this. What would happen to her, or to himself when he would tell her the truth?

“Jay.. uhm..” he started, as he sat down on the edge of the hospital bed (y/n) was lying in. He placed his hand on her lower leg, which was covered by the blanket. “He didn’t make it.” he continued, with a trembling voice. He knew how much his sister loved her boyfriend, they were soulmates.

“W-what?” she stumbled as her eyebrows narrowed. “He died on scene (y/n).. I swear, we tried everything we could to get him back. But it was too late.” Evan tried to explain.

Her heart started pounding in her chest and the voice of her brother seemed to fade as she heard those four words. She shakes her head. “No.”

(y/n)’s breathing became more rapid by the second, it feels like she can’t take a proper breath. Tears start streaming down her cheeks. “Is this some kind of sick joke? Please.. tell me this is one of your sick jokes.” she cries as her eyes shoot at Maddie and back to Evan.

Maddie shook her head and bit her lower lip, trying to stay strong for her little sister. While Evan bit on the inside of his cheek.

(y/n) squeezed her eyes closed to try and collect herself. “It’s all my fault..”

Maddie’s free hand went up to (y/n)’s upper arm and she let it rub up and down over her arm. “No. Don’t say that.” Maddie spoke up. “I was the one driving. Of course I am the cause! I was the one who drove us into a fucking tree!” (y/n) spoke through her tears.

“No. Some drunk ass driver bumped into the side of your car and didn’t give you a choice.” Evan said as he stood up from the end of the bed.

(y/n) turned her head towards the side of the room, and just stared at it for a minute. “How did he die?” she asked softly.

When she didn’t receive an answer after a few counts, she looked at her brother. “Tell me the truth.. How did he die?” she asks again. Evan took a deep breath, there was nowhere to hide, and his little sister wanted answers. And she knew Evan had the answers to her questions.

“Internal bleedings” he answered eventually.

She didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure if she had to. (y/n) sighed, wiped the tears from underneath her eyes and put the palm of her hand against her temple. “I wish we never got in that car.” she mumbled at herself.

“(Y/n)..” her brother’s voice sounded through the room. “Don't try and talk this right Evan.” She said quietly. “You-“ Evan’s wanted to comfort her, but he gets cut off by his sister’s voice.

“Get out.” She hissed.

Evan’s eyes wandered from (y/n) to Maddie who was on his right. He knows his sister was high in her emotions at the moment. She had just lost the most important person in her life. Evan and Maddie were quiet, silently communicating with each other, not knowing whether they needed to give her space, or to stay.

“Didn’t you hear me?! Get the fuck out!” She yelled at her brother and sister, who flinched at her reaction. They didn’t say anything and left the room. As soon as (y/n) heard the door close, tears fell down. She wanted to tear down the room with her bare hands, the only problem was: her leg was in a cast. So the only thing within hand reach was the table on wheels next to the bed.

She grabbed the top of the table, and gave it a hard push. The table hit the wall as a scream sounded through the room. He was really gone. Her finance. The man she wanted to spend her life with. The love of her life, ripped out of her life just with a snap of a finger..

After one week, she got released from the hospital. Evan picked her up and drove her home, even though she screamed at him to get out, he still showed up every single day during visitor hour or when they had to bring a patient in. He understood. She was mourning. And he would let her, even if she would scream at him or fight him. He would be there for his little sister.

When (y/n) got home, every single thing was just another reminder of Jay. A reminder of the accident, of what she lost. (y/n) couldn’t even attend his funeral because she was in the hospital, another thing they took from her. She couldn’t even say goodbye.

After a few weeks, she chose to move out to another apartment, she couldn’t live in her own home. Not when everything reminded her of him. So she went apartment hunting, even while she was walking on crutches.

A moving company helped her with moving into this new apartment, they also packed for her. But in the contract it was noticed they wouldn’t unpack. By the time she moved, she didn’t have a cast anymore, and didn’t have to walk around on crutches. So (y/n) tried to unpack what she could. It was such a mess inside of her head, that she had to call reinforcements.

Evan was in the bedroom, trying to rebuild (y/n)’s bed, which the movers took apart. Meanwhile Maddie and (y/n) were in the living room, going through box after box. “This box doesn’t have a label” Maddie opens the box, a confused look spread all over (y/n)’s face. Maddie takes out a necklace which was right at the top of the box.

This was one of the boxes she didn’t want to open or see, ever again.

As soon as (y/n) realises which box Maddie was going through, she stopped and stared at the spare dog tag which was dangling through her sister's hands. She bit her lower lip and she simply continued taking out the plates out of the box. When she takes a plate out of the box, wanting to stack them on the other ones next to her on the table, the plate slips out of her hand falling to the ground into a hundred pieces.

“Fuck!” (y/n) yelled as soon as she realised what she had done. Her elbows were leaning on her thighs, as she let her face fall into her palms. She tried to remain calm as tears streamed over her cheeks, and soft sobs came out of her mouth. “Hey, it’s okay.. We can clean this up.” Maddie says as she kneeled next to her little sister, trying to comfort her by rubbing her upper arm.

“No..” she whispers, “None of this is okay!” she raised her voice. “Calm down, it was just a plate. We can replace that.” Maddie tries to calm her down. “While you’re at it, can you also replace my fiance with it?” she shot back at her sister.

“Wow, what’s going on?” Evan’s voice sounded as he walked into the room.

“And you... “ (Y/n) stood up from her chair and started walking towards him and pointing at Evan. “You told me he was fine. When you rolled me into that ambulance.” she cries, while a waterfall of tears fell over her cheeks.

“(y/n)..” Evan saw a fire in his sister's eyes which he had never seen before. “You knew he didn’t make it. And you lied to me about it.” She continued as she pushed both of her hands into his chest. Evan was confused, one second he was just putting her bed frame together and now his sister was screaming, crying and fighting him.

“That was for your own good.” Evan shot back at (y/n). “You. Should’ve told me.” She wanted to shove Evan one more time, but before she could do that Evan grabbed her wrists. “No. You know why I didn't tell you?” Evan started. “Because I can’t stand seeing you like this! Look at you. You’re a mess!” He said as he looked her over. She wriggled herself loose from his touch. He was still holding her wrists.

“How could I not be a mess?! I'm the one who killed him, Evan!” she turned her back towards him, and dragged her fingers through her hair as more tears started to roll down her face.

Evan went silent, he knew she was still mourning. It seemed like she completely forgot that the car crash was caused because of some drunk moron, and started to blame herself for trying to keep them safe. Maddie wanted to pitch in, try and calm down the conversation. But before she could say something. (Y/n) spoke up, “Get out.”

She was kicking them out again. Just like she did in the hospital room. She wasn’t facing him or Maddie. She was just looking outside of her window. “Please. Get out.”

_____

“Hey this is (y/n)…say somethi-“ Eddie groans at the voicemail which is ringing through his right eardrum. He clicks on the red button to end the conversation and tosses his phone into his duffle bag.

Why was his best friend ignoring him? He didn’t do anything wrong, did he? Every single day he checked in on (y/n), just to ask how she was doing, if he could do anything for her or maybe just listen to her ranting about how life’s unfair.

But she hasn’t replied to any of his texts for days, and she wasn’t picking up her phone either.

“Someone seems frustrated..” Evan spoke as he entered the locker room in his uniform, unbuttoning his shirt while he walked to his locker.

They were getting ready to leave. Their shift was over, Eddie could’ve been home already but instead, he’s in the locker room being concerned about his best friend.

“Your sister isn’t picking up her phone. I’ve tried calling her at least ten times today, but it goes straight to voicemail.” Eddie said, concerned while he put on his jacket. “Have you spoken to her?” Eddie asks Evan.

Evan shook his head, “I haven’t, I already asked around, no one has heard from her.” He grabs his duffle bag out of his locker and places it on the bench behind him.

When the 118 was in the neighbourhood, they went and tried to see how she was doing. But when they rang the doorbell multiple times, she didn’t answer.

“It seems like every conversation I’ve had with my sister turns into a fight. At this moment, I’m not sure if she’s really mad at me, the team or herself.” Evan shrugged off his shirt and threw it in his bag.

“I know she’s still mourning, processing her loss.. but it’s like I’m not talking to the same (y/n) anymore, you know? She needs help, but I don’t know what to do.. not when she won’t talk to me.”

Eddie nodded, it wasn’t like (y/n) to ignore her brother, or her best friend. She was always the one who couldn’t leave people on read on texts, because she would feel guilty. Eddie closes his locker “Hey, you got a spare key to her new home?”

“Yeah, why?” Evan’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Eddie. “Well.. if she won’t open the door, I don’t have to kick it in.” Eddie pressed his lips into a thin line.

(Y/n) is lying in her bed, with a hoodie on and the hood resting on her head. Her covers were over her body. She was staring into the depth of her bedroom.

With every breath she took, she could hear his voice playing in the back of her mind. The car crash scene keeps playing on loop and she doesn’t know how to turn it off.

It was like she was stuck in her own mind. As if she wasn’t alive.

“Time to get up!” Eddie says as he grabs a handful of her covers.

A groan tumbled past (y/n)’s lips, but she didn’t bother to put the covers back over her body again. She continued staring into the depth of the room.

She was wearing an oversized hoodie, and her kitchen counter was fully overloaded with empty take out boxes and dirty dishes.

Since the fight (y/n) had with Evan and Maddie, but mostly Evan. She hasn’t spoken to them in days. She didn’t continue unpacking after that, everything was just precisely as they had left. She tried to avoid the living room at all costs, if she would even make it past the bedroom door. Jay’s stuff was still in there, the box was open, just how Maddie had left it.

Eddie took place on her bed, sitting on the side. “(Y/n).. Are you okay?”

He knew it was a stupid question to ask. Of course she wasn’t okay, but he wanted to hear her voice. He wanted her to tell him, she wasn’t okay.

“We didn’t have enough time.” she said barely above a whisper.

Eddie sighed as he heard her stumble those exact words. He placed his hand on her ankle, and rubbed his thumb on her ankle. “Come on, let’s get you up.”

He stood up, grabbed both her hands and pulled her towards him. “Why are you here Eds?” she asked him.

“Well, since you decided to ignore everyone who has been messaging and calling you, I decided to take matters into my own hands.” He explained.

(Y/n) let out a cry and let herself drop into the mattress and pillow again. But Eddie pulls her up again.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” She raises her voice as she pushes Eddie's hands away from her.

“Okay fine.” Eddie starts, putting both of his hands in the air as a sign that he didn’t do anything wrong. “Push me away, like you did with the team, with your own siblings. Punch me, I don’t care. You can tell me to fuck off. But I’m staying right here, whether you want it or not.”

(Y/n) just sighs, completely annoyed with Eddie’s words. She knew he wouldn’t leave. He would stay there until he knew what was up.

“Really. Who’s it that you’re mad at right now? Are you mad at Jay for dying? Are you mad at the team because we couldn’t save him? Are you mad at Buck and Maddie because they tried to help you? Talk to me.”

Her hands were in her hair now, grabbing large pieces. It was one of her nervous habits, playing with her hair, or this.

“No it's not you that I’m mad at!” she snapped, as her hands left her scalp, she probably pulled some hair strands out.

“It’s me! Okay! It’s me who I am really mad about! I could’ve prevented all of this!” She yelled as her voice turned heavy and tears started rolling down her face against

She always cries when she’s mad, it was something she couldn’t stop.

“It was an awful, unlucky accident. Some drunk guy drove into the side of your car and you lost control over the wheel. You really think that if you steered another inch to the other side it would’ve made a difference? No. If you did that, it would’ve probably been worse.” Eddie spoke up.

(Y/n) went silent. She had nothing to say. Just for a few moments, the room which was just filled with loud voices, was now completely quiet. Eddie sat back down on the bed, while (y/n) crossed her legs.

“When you pushed us away, we let you. But we’ve given you days, weeks, even months to process this. But this is where I draw the line. I can’t handle seeing you falling into a deeper hole than you already are.” Eddie let his elbows rest on his knees.

“And don’t tell me that I don’t know how you feel. Because I do. I also lost someone I loved, and I don’t want to lose you too.” (Y/n) could tell Eddie was trying to keep himself together.

“How am I supposed to go on with my life, while a part of me died on scene with Jay?” She cries as she wipes the tears off her cheek with the sleeve of her hoodie.

Eddie pushed himself closer towards her, as he could hear her breathing starting to fasten. It almost looked like she was having a panic attack.

“Hey! Hey! I’m right here. Okay?” Eddie gently took her hand and placed it on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat.

“Breathe with me now, okay? Slow, deep breaths” (y/n) tries to copy him through her sobs.

“Good, good, you’re okay.”

“Help.. I need help Eddie.” She cries and pushes herself against Eddie, burying her face into the crook of his neck. As a wet spot was being created on his shoulder.

That was his advice. Ask for help.

#911 #911 fox #911 imagine #buck imagine #buck x reader #evan buckley imagine #evan buckley x reader #evanbuckley #imagine #911 abc #eddiediaz #eddie diaz

274 notes · View notes

bloopitynoot · 3 months ago

Text

9 "I birthed him myself!" WangXian Mpreg Fic List

This list was asked for by @yiling-laozu-is-loml but is open to all!!

Note: This list is made up of tried and true fics, meaning I have read them all and loved them. If you would like a specific rec list- send me a DM! I love putting together personalized lists. If you are shy, you can send anon too.

The ask:

Must have Wangxian Mpreg (they are the biological parents**!)

BottomXian only

no yin iron plot- book canon only

** okay, so yes, most of these - 6.5/9 (6.5 because there's a fic with mpreg but does the dream universe count?) - have them as the biological parents BUT I do have two fics that take the "I birthed him myself" gag and run with it (Read: the cultivation world truly believes Wei Wuxian birthed Lan Wangji's child).

Enjoy!!!

1 A Mother’s Curse (A Mother’s Blessing) (33516 words) by Eudoxia

Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Alpha Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Huli Jing, Huli Jing LWJ, Huli Jing WWX, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Curses, Case Fic, Animal Transformation, Arranged Marriage, Misunderstandings, No Sunshot Campaign (Modao Zushi), No Yīn Iron (The Untamed TV), Cloud Recesses Study Arc (Modao Zushi), ish, Shrek References, Very vague references, Because I couldn't resist…, LXC is a good brother! He tries so hard!!, Mentions of Ace LXC, Mentions of Ace WN, Background Relationships, Jiāng Yànlí/Jīn Zǐxuān - Freeform, Lan Xichen/Wen Ning, Jiang Cheng/Nie Huaisang/Wen Qing, AND NOW FOR THE SEX TAGS, Knotting, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Oral Sex, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Size Kink, 69 (Sex Position), Mpreg, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji and Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian Have a Breeding Kink, Intersex Male Omegas, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Squirting, Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji and Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian Have a Non-Con/Rape Kink, but no actual CNC/rape play occurs in this fic. It's only discussed., there is also discussions of monster fucking but no actual monster fucking, (Intersex Female Alphas also exist in this fic but it's literally not relevant at all.), (I just wanted y'all to know they exist), Translation Available, links in first author's note to Spanish translations Summary: To avoid an arranged marriage, Lan Wangji places a curse on himself, one that can only be undone by his soulmate. He knows his family—particularly the elders—are upset about it, but Lan Wangji will not marry someone he does not love. Or, huli jing Lan Wangji curses himself to be trapped in his fox form until his soulmate comes along to free him. Enter, Wei Wuxian.

NOTES: I ADORE this fic. I love any fic in which Madam Lan is alive and well and we have mythical hybrids. This one is so damn sweet, honestly good on Lan Zhan for setting his boundaries and sticking to them. The mpreg is really a little bonus (a/b/o pregnancy), it is mostly these two Huli Jins falling in love in a sweet little slowburn.

2 A Thousand Paths, a Single Mountain (138898 words) by RohansEarings

Chapters: 23/23 Rating: Explicit Characters: Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Original Child Character(s), Original Characters, Lan Huan | Lan Xichen, Lan Jingyi, Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui, Jin Ling | Jin Rulan, Nie Huaisang Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mpreg, Miscarriage, Fertility Issues, Guilt, C-Section, Period-Typical Homophobia, Trauma, Smut, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Hugs, Slice of Life Summary: Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji decide to settle down and start a family. It's harder than they thought it would be, but they're not alone in getting through it. They have each other.

NOTES: This story is lengthy and does have a good ending but getting there is very hurt/comfort. This features handwavy cultivation magic male pregnancy but as a last resort. A CW for homophobia (wangxian wants to adopt but because they are cutsleeves there is discrimination) and pregnancy loss that causes the characters significant distress. I do promise a happy ending though! The focus is very much mpreg of this story.

3 Vow (216627 words) by draechaeli

Chapters: 47/47 Rating: Explicit Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Mainly Novel with a few CQL and Donghua bits, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Temporary Character Death, WWXs dead for a lot of this, but he’s having fun, BeliefGod!WWX, Original Children Characters – Freeform, Adoption, Adoption but WWX birthed them all, Pregnancy Kink, Mpreg, minor male lactation, Consensual Non-Consent, Light Bondage, easy to skip nsfw chapters, brief crossdressing, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, because JGS, Mentions Canon Typical Incest, Canon Typical Violence Summary: “If you’re not good the Yiling Patriarch will steal you in the night!” It was never true, in fact the first child stole herself, the second was gifted, the third begged. By the time people realised that all the homeless children of Yiling, and all the daughters about to be sold had disappeared, it became, “If you’re unloved the Yiling Patriarch will save you.” Sometimes when you make a vow not even death can release you; as Xian-Gege the Eliminator of Evil, the Protector of the Weak, and the Saviour of Children finds out.

NOTES: okay you might be asking, "how do you have an mpreg story when the main character is dead basically the entire fic" I do not answer the question but I do respond "GodWWX/accidental God of Children- Xiangege". This story is very sweet and takes so many twists and turns. Lan Zhan is the most dedicated partner omg. At times it has very crack fic energy (enter the most bizarre dream scape pregnancy and wedding), but I promise it's a good read.

4 To Love And To Lose (and to gain again) (7979 words) by PotterheadAvengerDemigod

Chapters: 2/2 Rating: Not Rated Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Omega Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Omega Verse, Parent-Child Relationship, Adopted Children, Cute, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, but i hope you guys like it anyway, honestly im not sure what to tag this, its just a self-indulgent fic where i get very confused with myself Series: Part 1 of Blue Blood Summary: Wei Wuxian wishes that he’d told Lan Wangji about the child. Maybe Zhenli would still be alive, then. The Gusulan Sect wouldn’t have let a child of one of their twin jades be killed, even if his mother was the Yiling Patriarch himself. /OR/ The self-indulgent one where I create a Wangxian lovechild and go nuts.

NOTES: This fic says it's under 10k words BUT it is part one of a 21 part series. In which WY has Lan Zhan's biological child (OC) as well as adopts a-yuan. Canon still happens and WY comes back. It has some angst, it has some fluff, and it has a happy ending! The other parts also contain an au of this au with a fix it- so if that interests you there is a LONG read ahead.

5 All I Want (47042 words) by Selenay

Chapters: 7/7 Rating: Explicit Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Mpreg, Post Holiday Romance, Consequences, Reunions, Idiots in Love, wangxian attempt to be sensible adults about it, they are very bad at it, Teacher Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Rating earned in later chapters, Handwavey Biology Summary: Wei Ying leaned a little closer. "The conversation we're having right now is about how it turns out I'm a bearer and we weren't careful and I'm not expecting anything from you, but now that you're here you should know that I'm…ah…you know…" "Pregnant," Lan Zhan said mechanically. "Pregnant," Wei Ying agreed. "You knocked me up, Lan Zhan. Sorry."

NOTES: A modern au with hand wavy biology. Lan Zhan, on a trip, knocks up WY unknowingly- finds him again later. WY sure is pregnant and Lan Zhan is definitely the father. The pining and miscommunication is so wild in this fic but the ending is solid!

6 Tied To The Ocean (51086 words) by NebulusCharlie

Chapters: 9/9 Rating: Not Rated Characters: Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Lan Huan | Lan Xichen, Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Madam Lan (Modao Zushi), Uncle Qiren A-Yuan Additional Tags: MerXian - Freeform, Mermaid/siren AU, Happy Ending, Fluffy Times, No Angst, eventual domestic bliss, First Kiss, Dating, Swimming, Identity Reveal, Tails, Mpreg, Merji, have to update the tags because things happened, Wedding, Children, Found Family Summary: Lan Zhan goes to visit his mother who lives by the sea. He gets swept away by the currents and MerXian saves him. But who is this boy-fish?

NOTES: This is the cutest story :'3 a little bit of Whump with Lan Zhan and his mom's relationship. it has mpreg, it has a wedding, it has supportive uncle lan qiren, includes wei yings parents(!!!!), AND it has mermaids!!! Super sweet, a little bit sad at times, but mostly sweet.

7 The Winner Takes It All (46781 words) by YilingSani

Chapters: 14/14 Rating: Mature Characters: Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui, Lan Qiren, Lan Huan | Lan Xichen, Lan Jingyi, Jin Ling | Jin Rulan, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin, Wen Qing (Modao Zushi), Wen Ning | Wen Qionglin, Nie Huaisang, Mo Xuanyu Additional Tags: Modern AU, Single Parent Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, lan zhan doesn't know he has a son, Old Friends, One Night Stands, No Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Panic Attacks, Forgiveness, Second Chances, Inspired by Mamma Mia! (Movies), Teen Pregnancy, Mpreg, mention of miscarriage, Birth Trauma, amniotic fluid embolism Summary: "Wei Ying doesn't know why he ended up on this exact island. All he knows is that he's scared, alone and hungry. And with a child." ----- 18 years later Wei Yuan has grown into a proper young man, helping his Baba to run the hotel on the island. On the week of his wedding, Wei Yuan comes across Wei Ying's diary and decides to invite the man mentioned in it to the island, unaware of the consequences it will bring.

NOTES: The Mama Mia! AU I didn't know I needed. This story was incredible- light angst (but still some) and a relationship that finally comes together. It really follows much of the plot and A-Yuan is getting married! Who is his dad though....(jk it really can only be Lan Zhan).

BONUS FICS: "I birthed him myself!" (not really, but the cultivation world needs better sex ed).

8 Propagate Understanding (175626 words) by draechaeli

Chapters: 34/34 Rating: Explicit Additional Tags: Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Pregnancy Kink, Consensual Non-Consent, Light Bondage, Adoption, Adoption but WWX birthed them all, Mo Xuanyu Lives, Mò Xuányǔ has an arc, Original Children Characters - Freeform, Babies for Everyone, Crossdressing, Temporary Character Death, easy to skip nsfw chapters, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence Summary: A-Yuan was birthed by Wei WuXian, A-Yuan called Lan WangJi ‘Father’, A-Yuan had Lan WangJi’s nose! Was it the time that Wei WuXian took his forehead ribbon at the Wen Discussion Conference Archery Competition?—he’d have to ask Brother. As a physician, Wen Qing has to suffer fools constantly; if Lan WangJi is determined to be Wei WuXian’s baby daddy, she wasn’t going to stop him, especially if it could save them all. And if it leads to some misunderstandings on the topic of marriage and propagation—well, it is not Wen Qing’s fault if Lan WangJi became the world’s best and worst matchmaker, making sure that children everywhere had parents. Fic is finished at 34 chapters and about 175,000 words. But as I read through before posting chapters those numbers may fluctuate.

NOTES: I honestly may have already shared this fic but I'm not even upset by it because poor Lan Zhan LOL. Also Wen Qing deserves an oscar for her performance; the fact that the entire cultivation world truly believes Wei Ying birthed a-yuan, Lan Zhan's biological son is WILD. A fic about saving the wen's through the worlds biggest (but best) misunderstanding.

9 Assumptions (50943 words) by draechaeli

Chapters: 9/9 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Mainly Novel with a few CQL and Donghua bits, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Adoption, Adoption but WWX birthed them all, not mpreg, Not Established Relationship, But Shh… don't tell anyone, Fluff, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, gender non-conforming titles Series: Part 1 of Induction Summary: The sects vote to use an array to spy on the Burial Mounds. The Jins want to show the evils of the Yiling-Laozu, the Jiangs hope everyone will see Wei WuXian the radish farmer. Lan XiChen felt guilty and sent Lan WangJi on a night hunt. They make assumptions when they see Wei WuXian having lunch with Lan WangJi and a toddler in Yiling. And sometimes assumptions don’t make an ass out of anyone, but save everyone.

NOTES: This is literally one of the funniest fucking things I have ever read. I am not even exaggerating. These two weirdos are over there being their adorable mpreg kink selves not knowing they are being watched by every great sect, their leaders, and the gods themselves in a live broadcast. This fic ft's Lan Qiren qi deviating in a corner, Lan Xichen and Jiang yanli planning a shotgun wedding, contracts flying across the room, lots of yelling, and Jin Guangshan having a VERY bad day. 100/10 recommend.

#wangxian rec list #wangxian mpreg #wangxian #wangxian fics #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #mpreg #honestly these are all so good #I forgot how much I loved them #mdzs recs #mxtx mdzs #mdzs #if you want a personal wangxian red list dm me!#bloopitynoots wangxian recs

80 notes · View notes