#Rote Maske

[brbarou]

weird girls with multiple personas....i love you....

[invinciblerodent]

I know it's probably because the poly options (and Halsin's entire romance in general) were added later, but it's still kind of weird to me how, even if you're actively romancing two people at the same time, the game only lets you do Zethino's test once.

Like, I get that it's probably so that players won't just abuse the system to get +/-6 approval from someone over and over again for 100 gold each, but it just comes off as slightly odd from a story standpoint that they can both be standing there, and you'll just... choose one of them over the other willy-nilly, without anyone saying anything.

Honestly, instead of tweaking Astarion's specific lines and expressions in act 1 for the 13th time (and yet keeping his grammar wonky in act 3?), they could have just made this dialogue repeatable, and made each additional attempt cost an absurd amount of gold or something.

(I did and recorded both, but went with Halsin's for my save- Shadowheart has been on 100 approval since like act 1, whereas for Halsin, this is what finally put him over 80 lol.)

[mityenka]

i feel like wearing a surgical mask to protests to provide for more anonymity is generally good advice but ofc remember to be careful because i've been to several protests that were kettled by the police due to protesters wearing ffp2 masks even though surgical masks do not legally fall under the anti-masking law here as well as reports of masking protesters getting arrested during and after protests because police suspected them of trying to hide their identity,

[raichett]

Scarian kiss from an Arranged Marriage AU that will never be written any further than this, enjoy <3

The Watcher of the Eclipse of the Sun over the Third Spire's mouth, when Scar finally presses his lips against it, is all wrong. For a human, he silently appends, as his thoughts scatter and waver, trailing away with part distraction as he tries to make some sense of the feeling, and, honestly, part disassociation. It's probably completely right and normal for a Watcher, one to whom Scar is now forever tied to, so he guesses he might as well start getting used to it sooner or later.

In front of a solemn audience is not the way that Scar would have wanted to first kiss his new - husband? Wife? Partner, he's going to go with partner, because he and the Watcher of the Eclipse of the Sun over the Third Spire (gosh, that's a mouthful of a name, and he didn't even get told it until a mere three hours before the ceremony) had never even met before they were both inside this grand hall - and it's beautiful, stunning, it truly is, but Scar's not been able to fully appreciate it - and certainly have never held a conversation. The first time he heard his partner's voice was the wedding vows, for crying out loud.

The Watcher of the Eclipse of the Sun over the Third Spire's lips buzz against Scar's, like the air before a thunderstorm turned physical and solid, pins and needles muffled and without pain. Their lips are not damp and their mouth is not wet when Scar dares to swipe his tongue briefly inside; but somehow the suggestion is there, like reaching out to grasp clothing hung out to dry to check whether you can start folding it up yet, and thinking that no, it's not ready, it's still a little damp, but then realising a second later that it's not damp, it's just cold.

The lips Scar is kissing aren't cold, nor are they warm, the temperature of a room where one is not particularly aware of the temperature inside because it simply isn't of note. Scar wonders how his mouth feels, how it tastes to his partner, because their taste is all wrong, too. It tastes like a sunbeam, like if Scar could pool the streams of golden light filtering through a window and cutting a shaft through the air, illuminating all the dust, into his palms and then drink from them - that would be the taste. It isn't sweet, or sour, or spicy, or - anything in any word Scar could try to apply. It's just warm; warmth without temperature, wrongness without malice, inhumanity without monstrosity.

When Scar reckons enough time has passed, he breaks the kiss and leans away. They can't have been kissing for more than a few seconds, really. A stuttering applause starts to fill the room, but Scar's only looking at the Watcher of the Eclipse of the Sun over the Third Spire's face. It's half hidden behind an elaborate mask over the nose and eyes, extending out into an array of wavy stylised sunbeams, inset with jewels and gems, the whole thing moulded from precious metals. The gaze behind isn't visible, darkly tinted crystal or glass obscuring it, preventing Scar from truly catching it. Likewise, there are other such dark shapes, ovals with pointed ends and pointedly outlined in the complex pattern of the mask - Scar wonders if there are eyes behind all of them. The face, otherwise, looks human enough, with pink lips and pale skin, a smattering of maybe-freckles peeking out the bottom of the mask, glinting the wrong colour, and he knows he felt teeth and a tongue in the other's mouth.

The formal ceremony - some mix of human traditions and Watcher traditions, Scar knows, but he just does what he's told to when he's told to do it, having been too mixed up in tying up his own life neatly to have taken much part in the logistics of the marriage itself - disperses into an adjacent courtyard. Amongst the guests, Scar can hear distant murmurs of rote congratulations and conversations, all of them probably precise and polite and political, carefully thought out ahead of time. Suddenly, he's alone with his new partner, both of them the afterthoughts of those with far more power than they; trinkets swapped about, put on display, admired momentarily, and then left behind.

Bold, Scar takes the Watcher of the Eclipse of the Sun over the Third Spire's hand - four fingers and a thumb, mostly human except for how they have no fingernails, only a vertical slit running around the fingertip from which Scar supposes the talons are unsheathed - and presses another kiss to the tops of the fingers as they curl, unresisting, into his gentle grip. "My name is Scar," he says, softly, wanting to get to have his own introduction. He usually flourishes here, starts spouting off an energetic script, but the sudden emptiness and quietness of the room presses down, and he can't; it doesn't feel right.

The Watcher of the Eclipse of the Sun over the Third Spire seems to observe him for a moment, watching in that heavy way their kind are known for. Then, they tighten their hand a little, holding his in return. When they reply, the words are picked out and pronounced carefully, unlike the recitation of the scripted vows, spoken in a way that puts Scar in mind of someone communicating in a language they are still learning: "My name," they say, "is Grian."

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 39

Part 1 Part 38

Will’s heartbeat picks up when someone knocks on the front door. Even though Demogorgon’s don’t knock, and bad men with guns probably don’t either. He stays curled up on the couch while Jonathan goes to open the door.

The voice that drifts in from the front door makes his shoulder relax.

“Johnny boy!” Eddie calls, pushing into the house like he owns the place, Steve trailing in his wake. Eddie looks around, eyes wide. “Woah, this place cleans up nice.”

Mom and Jonathan had picked up all the furniture, cleaned all the debris from the linoleum, and packed away all the Christmas lights into boxes they’d stuffed into the garage. Neither of them had let Will help, so he’d sat on the couch, doodling pictures of Steve and Eddie as they worked around him.

“Thanks?” Jonathan says, awkwardly shuffling on his feet.

Steve smiles at him, “hey, man,” he says, bumping their shoulders together companionably before slinking past him to sink down onto the couch.

Will reaches out to snatch Steve’s hand, notices the fine tremors running through it. There’s sweat beading on his forehead, standing out starkly without his hair to mask it.

“Are you okay?” Will asks.

Steve smiles over at him, “I’m fine.”

“Actually,” Eddie says, clapping his hands together enthusiastically before wincing and shaking out his fingers, “We just came from physical therapy, and someone,” he pauses to make squinty eyes toward Steve, “could use some food to make up for the calories.”

“Eddie,” Steve sighs.

“No,” Eddie says, crossing his arms, “the doctor said you needed to eat to like, fix your body and shit.”

“I’ll, uh, go grab some sandwiches,” Jonathan says, scurrying into the kitchen and away from the conflict.

“I’m hungry,” Will murmurs, even though they’d had breakfast late and he’s really not.

Steve slumps into him, head lolling onto his shoulder as he groans pitifully. “God, there’s two of you now.”

Will giggles, cheeks warm at the contact.

“How tragic,” Eddie says, slumping down on Will’s other side, reaching over him to run his hand playfully over Steve’s head, avoiding the stitches. “Two people care about your wellbeing? Whatever will you do?”

Steve slumps further into Will, shaved head scratchy where it’s rubbing against Will’s chin. Eddie pushes him down, gently onto Will’s crossed legs. Steve grumbles but lets himself be shoved.

“There,” Eddie says. “Now we can feed you like the wilting princess you are.”

Steve scowls, eyes drifting between both of them as he mutters, “Whatever, dude,” before he seems to droop, eyes closing.

They sit quietly, waiting for Jonathan to come back. Will settles into himself, enjoying the way his skin isn’t crawling, the way it only seems to when he’s with Steve and Eddie.

It’s like, now that he’s met them, the shadows only fully recede when they’re in sight. That crawling thing inside him stops trying to get out.

Jonathan looks surprised when he gets back, plates full of sandwiches stacked on top of one another. He puts them on the coffee table, eyeing Steve. “Should we, uh, wake him?”

“’m not asleep,” Steve mumbles, levering himself up with a wince. He, notably, doesn’t open his eyes until Eddie grabs one of the sandwiches and curls his fingers around it.

He eats slowly, sedately, and seems to doze off again, a quarter of the way through. Will pulls the sandwich from his fingers and puts it back on the plate.

Eddie puts the remains of his own sandwich on top of it, pushing Steve gently down onto the couch, gently placing the throw from the back of the couch over where he’s curled into a ball.

“Is he okay?” Jonathan asks quietly.

Eddie’s brows furrowed as he looks down at Steve, but he smooths it out by the time he looks back up. “He’s fine,” he says, ironically echoing Steve’s own words, like covering up each other’s raw edges comes by rote. “Physical therapy just seems like a lot.”

Steve’s legs are now in Will’s lap. He clutches Steve’s ankles, cuddling them into his stomach.

“Guess we’re staying here for a bit,” Eddie says nonchalantly, but he’s biting his lip and darting his eyes between Jonathan & Will like he’s waiting to be kicked out.

Will clutches Steve’s ankles tighter, looking over at Jonathan as well. Jonathan shrugs, “Sure,” he replies. “Mom’ll be overjoyed. She’s pretty much adopted you both into the family.”

Eddie looks down, at Steve’s sleeping face, biting his lip. “Oh.”

Will thinks of Uncle Wayne, and the way Eddie’s Mom or Dad weren’t ever mentioned, not even once. He thinks about the conversation he’d overheard his Mom having with Hopper, that Steve couldn’t go home alone, and the way Steve hadn’t seemed to want to call his parents at all. Even in trouble. Even in Hell.

Well, they’ve got three more family members now, whether they like it or not.

And Jonathan’s right – Mom is happy when she gets home to find two teenaged boys passed out on her couch. She makes her special occasions lasagna, and the smell seems to rouse both boys from their prolonged nap.

It’s a quiet dinner. Mom asks gentle, probing questions about Steve’s health, and when everyone’s thinking of going back to school. Steve waffles around the conversation, blushing and turning awkward every time Mom turns the power of her care onto him.

Eddie seems to bloom with it, though, talking about getting back into D & D, and his band, and his plans to corral Steve into staying home at least for the rest of the week.

By the time they leave for the night, Will’s belly and heart are both full. Still, the shadows creep back in.

Will goes to sleep, alone in his bed, shivering from the cold, clawing thing inside him.

Part 40

[loganlermanstanaccount]

Rigor Mortis (part 8)

College roommate!Miguel O'Hara x reader

(AO3 Mirror) (Wattpad) Series Masterlist, Main Masterlist,

Part 7, Part 9

summary: You visit your ex. Miguel tags along.

warnings: mentions and description of depression. heavy angst, depictions of a toxic relationship. some suggestive language.

a/n: me when idk shit abt the american school system:

Thank you to my beta readers, @tianyhi and @urgonnaneedabiggership (they also write Miguel fics, I highly recommend! my favourite is this series), I couldn't have done it without you guys <3

Join my taglists here

wc: 5.8k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you had forgotten; they were good.

Blank walls. Quiet corridors. The buzz of monitors and dull chatter sandwiched between blue vinyl and exit signs. You're not usually one to wander during your breaks; but you're going crazy looking at the same four walls. 

That hair net itches and the strap of a blue mask digs into skin as you make your way to a little courtyard. You sit out on a paltry bench overlooking concrete. The spindly remnants of a tree provides little cover from harsh elements. Wind whips through its branches, whistling and cool, as you rip off the mask and crumple it up in your pocket. A heavy sigh, and you feel some semblance of peace. Some quiet, before the morning comes. Before a rush of orders and shunting plastic trays up and down the wards. 

You screw your eyes shut to still the pounding at your temples. God. You're grateful for the job, really. And all things considered, it's not particularly taxing: coffee orders until the little cafe closes, meal prep for the morning rush, and sometimes you'd volunteer to take orders to bed bound patients. A whole lot of reheating and chopping and pressing buttons on the little machines. You don't quite get it, of course, but your lone coworker picks up the slack well enough. 

The older woman doesn't do much for company, anyways. Riveting conversation comes in the form of grunts and sharp elbows when you get in the way or round the corner of the kitchen. It has you counting down the seconds until your shift ends. 

And so you are grateful, well and truly. Jamie's not so sappy, anymore; doesn't partake in 'I love you's or grand gestures; but he is dependable. Safe. Willing to stick his neck out for you, at least. He'd gotten you a job at the hospital he has his placement at; with decent pay, and it slots in well with your other ones. He's taking you seriously – taking the news better than your parents. After telling him you wanted to go back to school, you're not met with thinly veiled disbelief, or lips pressed together with pity. He'd nodded, rather simply. Didn't make a fuss. No deep sighs, or heavy frowns. Okay , he had said. How can I help? 

It was the simplicity of his reaction that had bowled you over, almost bringing you to tears. To have someone believe in you, for once – wholeheartedly and without an onslaught of questions – felt like a deep breath of air after almost drowning. It felt like love ; and after desperate breaths, gasping and gulping and clawing at something to hold on to, you think you've found dry land. Something solid, something stable; a rough palm to pull you out of swirling depths. Because, unlike your family, and unlike half-hearted friends: Jamie was there. 

After heading back in to catch the morning rush, you're wiping down surfaces and sorting plastic trays onto a cart. Rote, repetitive, boring; you've settled into a routine that feels familiar. A couple more months, you reckon, and you'll be able to cover the costs for a second go at undergrad. You can shed the skin that seems to follow you at every family gathering, and the job interviews in between. Dropout – and when your Mom says it, it feels like a vile curse. Jamie calls it spiteful, and you opt for the democratic alternative; she's being dramatic - rather than cruel, rather than hurtful, rather than crass. You've heard enough, from all sorts: ‘too much pressure’, and ‘didn't think she had it in her, anyways’, are common phrases whispered in the background of phone calls home. 

Your chest aches with the weight of it – the kind of ache that seeps into skin, and lines a casket. Grief; mourning a person you could've been, and a person you never would be. For a while, it left you paralysed by the what ifs and the maybes; rotting in a quiet corner. Sinking into sofa cushions or caked onto the bed sheets like the mystery mould bloomed onto the plates in your room. But Jamie was there, more than anyone else. 

You'll wait for him in the corridor near the back of the service elevator, like you always do after a shift. You finish when he starts, early in the morning and rubbing away sleep from his eyes for ward rounds. You'll give him a kiss, and he'll give you a soft little smile to send you on your way. It almost makes the whole thing worth it. Almost. 

You give and you give and you give. Your boyfriend isn't quite the same; doesn't pour into you the way you'd like him to. But it works. It works because it has to; a thousand miles away from anything resembling home. You can't ask for more – the right words die in your throat. 

~~~

You've spent the past couple of hours in the library. Procrastinating for at least half of it, but you've managed to draft out a couple of essays and more or less reorganise your life. It's something you've been dreading for the past week or so; letting yourself get swept up in the monsoon that is your roommate. Miguel – sarcastic, saccharine-sweet Miguel – and his stupidly pretty lips, his pretty hands, and the pretty way he scrunches up his face like he's smelt something rotten. 

You're staring at a computer with a slew of books spread out on the adjacent desk. Your half-finished report seems to jumble together on the screen; a tangle of citations and filler words and shitty diagrams. It's not quite clicking , and it's making you want to tear out chunks of your hair in search of relief. A tale as old as time, one you can merely wallow in and fold yourself between its pages. Struggling at school; and this time it's a stats module you thought would be an easy couple of credits, that you definitely can’t afford to fail if you want to graduate early. 

You’ve picked a quiet spot on the third floor; a computer bay tucked into the corner. It overlooks a little window, cramped and claustrophobic and mystery mould in the corners of its grout. You've resorted to scanning the cracks with sharp eyes, light fingers on your neck to trace the leftovers of the morning. You can see it in the slightly mirrored surface of cloudy glass; you look like shit, you feel like shit, but you can still feel him. Lips on your neck, sucking soft hickies into the skin; and you can't help but like the way it looks on you. It's the same under your jeans, blooming like mauve and purple heather on a sprawling field.

You cross your legs, wincing at the dull ache that spreads. Sore, in that way that feels good; sending flashes of a morning with Miguel. Fingers knuckle deep in your cunt and the heat of him – cut and lean-lined – on top of you; it's impossible to ignore. Condensation drips from the panes, pooling in its corner and you swipe a finger in it, lazily. Again, you're reminded of him, for the thousandth time in the past hour: shaking legs, fisting his cock, spraying fat globs of his cum onto your face and chest. 

With another glimpse of your reflection, you sigh. Deep and heavy, with the weight of half a decade of frustration, sexual or otherwise. You've never felt this good or had your needs satiated so wholly, so exorbitantly. It feels odd. You don't know where to put your hands, how to place your feet on the floor. Do you shout, do you scream? How do you tell all the poor bystanders that scatter the third floor: I'm sleeping with Miguel O'Hara! A walking red flag with cheekbones that could cut glass! He wants me, and I want–

Your phone rings. The noise catches you off guard, and has you stumbling to press accept. 

"Hey," Miguel's voice sounds tinny in the speakers, and so you press it to your ears. 

"Y-Yeah?" You steel yourself, batting away daydreams of your legs wrapped around his middle – too horny for your own good, clearly. 

"I'm outside, chula. " He stops talking. The quiet ticking of an indicator becomes the only sign of life, before he says, "In that parking bay by the–" 

"I know, I know. Give me 5 minutes." You rush to pack up, clicking off the monitor and haphazardly shoving your notes into your bag. Not everything fits, and you give up trying to cram that textbook in. 

A beat passes before you realise he's still on the phone. Quiet, but still there. 

"…I brought food, by the way." 

You only just manage to catch it, slotting the phone between your ear and shoulder. That makes you perk up. 

" Seriously? " You give him a small laugh. You think you can hear him smile through the phone. "Thank fucking God, I'm starving. But you weren't rushing, or anything, right? I mean, it's so soon after your session with… Sally, or–" 

You're bounding down two steps at a time, so eager to see him – to get food , actually – that you're careless going down the stairs.

"Sarah . " He breathes, and you make your way downstairs. 

It stops you in your tracks, for some reason. 

"Okay. Sarah ." You say it with finality, voice tight. "What did you end up doing anyways? At her place, you said?" 

"Pressure differentials. Modelling viscosity. It's not very interesting." He hums, shifting in his seat. "What about you? Did you get something done?" 

You take a beat too long to respond, and it comes out half-baked. 

"Loads, Mig."

He snorts. " Sure. "

" Fuck you. " You say it under your breath, ducking past the entrance, and into a side road.

And there Miguel is, car heaped onto part of the sidewalk. He's leaning back, lazy arm sticking out the car window, showing off muscle and pretty tan skin. It's getting cold, but he's cracked the car door ajar; donned in a well-fitting t-shirt and slack trousers. 

You're trying not to drool; and he makes it a little easier by flashing a shit-eating grin. 

Childishly, you stick your tongue out; wrenching the door open and slumping into the passenger side. You tuck your things by your feet, and it lands on the floor with a thump. 

"You can put your stuff in the back.. . " Miguel frowns.

" Can't. We need the space, remember?" 

To pick up the rest of your things left in your ex's apartment. You hope he can parse out the rest of that from a raised eyebrow. 

He sighs, tossing a brown bag of takeout onto your lap. He starts the car. "...I didn't think we were still doing that, to be honest."

He seems disappointed, eyes flitting this way and that as he reverses and pulls out. You must've hit your head at some point, because you're in heat – pressing sore legs together at the way he does it. One arm on the back of your headrest, sharp jaw jutting out as he looks back, and bottom lip hooked under his teeth; he's just concentrating, trying not to hit one of the cat-sized rodents that roam the streets this late at night, and he's still hot . 

"You promised ."

"I had my face between your thighs. Would've said anything if it meant I could have more."

You draw your lips in faux disgust – your heart's not in it, but it's enough to make him chuckle. 

"Fuck you."

He doesn't miss a beat, deadpanning, "...you'd like that."

Lips pursed, you ignore the way it twists your stomach into knots. Steadfast, you stare out at the window, watching the yellow lights of a bustling city pass you by. 

Miguel takes a different turning, one that'll take you across the city and away from your place. To Jamie's, most likely. You soften, taking a moment to look across at him. 

His eyes flit over, intense and almost a deep red in the neon and lights. It's barely a couple of seconds, but he knows, just like that. 

"Are you nervous?" He tests the waters, voice steady and non-committal. It's not an accusation; even though everything feels like one, lately. Not from him, though. Never from him. 

" No ." Your tone is betraying, and you both know it. He seems to pretend not to hear that tremor in your voice. 

"You'll be okay, sweetheart." He says it soft and low, not quite looking at you. 

"It's just… it's the first time I'm going to see him after–" Your voice crackles. "After everything."

"You'll be okay," He starts. It doesn't feel like an empty platitude when he says it: it feels genuine and full-bodied and sonorous, clanging around your head like the chime of church bells. "Probably not right away – it's going to hit you like a semi, first. And you'll feel like shit afterwards. But it won't last. You'll move on, and you'll be okay; because you have to be."

He drifts off somewhere far away when he says that last bit; and you're not too sure what he's talking about anymore. Regardless, you wrap his words around you, holding it to your chest like a little songbird in the cradle of a tree. 

You'll be okay. You have to be. 

It feels less solid when it's not Miguel saying it, you think. You don't tell him that, though, sinking into the seat instead. 

He doesn't let that silence sit for too long. Traffic creates a natural lull, and he reaches over to tap at the book in your lap – one of many different textbooks, the rest of which is lodged in your bag.

"You're taking a stats module, I assume."

You nod. 

"With Dr. Karev?" 

You sit up slightly. "...yeah, actually."

He hums. "You thought it would be an easy A, then." 

He's right, but it doesn't make it sting any less. You were hoping for simple math and data processing, and here you were: drowning in matrices and linear algorithms.

 "I thought it would be."

"Let me help you, then. I took one of his classes and he barely changes the syllabus. I could dig up my old notes, and–" 

"You want to tutor me ?" You splutter – but you don't mean to sound as shocked as you do. " Why? " 

"Why not?" He shrugs. 

"I… I don't have any money, or anything."

"M'not offering because I want money." He's nonchalant, inching towards the car up front. 

You squint. It's not adding up. "What's the catch?" 

"No catch, I swear. Is it so hard to believe I'm being nice?" 

Now, you feel guilty. "Sorry, Mig. I appreciate it, I really do–" 

"Sit on my face and we'll call it even."

He turns to you now, face flat but with a twinkle in his eye. The corners of his mouth are slightly upturned - amused. He thinks this is funny? 

You give him a light shove as the traffic starts to break up. He's riled you up, now, and you're much too annoyed to be nervous. 

"Eyes on the road, asshole." 

It's more bark than bite, and you settle into the seat, finally cracking open the paper bag. You munch on fries and it makes him laugh. Miguel swears he can see it: the hint of a gentle smile on your face. 

~~~

He pulls up to the apartment complex. Modest, close to the hospital; and you probably couldn't have afforded to live there without your ex. Jamie was lucky; his parents could foot the bill of moving out, and he had family that lived in the city. 

It feels odd to be on the outside looking in. The building's windows become snapshots into other people's lives. For some, it meant an early night, blinds drawn and lights off. From the parking lot, you can see the dim yellow of lights streaming through other apartments. Silhouettes flit past every now and then; the only sign of life. 

Jamie's apartment is on the top floor, the two windows on the far right. You crane your head out of the car window, to get a better look. The lights are on, with one window left slightly ajar. 

Miguel moves to get out, with shuffling that breaks the silence. You stop him with a hand on his arm. 

"No, no. I'm going up by myself."

He cocks his head to the side, ever so slightly. 

"...you sure? If you need help shifting boxes, I can–" 

"I'm good, Mig. I just needed the car."

It comes out snappier than you meant it to, already irritable. With that, you pop the door open with a thunk . You can't see it, but he frowns, watching you swish and sway towards the entrance. 

You trace familiar steps to Jamie's apartment. The door code hasn't changed, and so you buzz yourself in. This is something you can do quickly and efficiently, you've decided. In and out, and you don't have the energy for much else. Bracing at the door, you get ready to knock, hand curled into a fist. 

The door swings open before you get the chance. He's there; still in light blue scrubs and a name badge pinned to his chest. It's the first thing you see, trying not to look at his face. But it's like pulling teeth, you decide: less painful when it's quick and sharp. 

" Where's my –" 

" Your stuff's in the –" 

In a great clash of words, you finally look up at him. Where you're expecting some form of emotion – a flash of something, even for just a moment – Jamie is steadfast. Blank; blinking back sleep, if anything. You clamp down what feels like bile rising in your throat and push past him into the front room. 

"Is this how it's going to be?"

Head down, you grit a quiet, "Don't . "

It's just as you left it, to the point it's almost comical. The same pillows you'd bury yourself in after work, the patterned tea towel you'd bought on a whim. The bar stools in lieu of a proper dining table, and that great big desk he had insisted on carting to the living room for years . Bits and pieces of you, of your relationship, and he barely bats an eye. He'll use your mugs and sleep on your patterned sheets. 

It makes you sick .

You head to the second room. There's a stack of boxes, hastily stashed in the corner. There's still permanent marker on them from when you first moved in. Now, it houses the things you couldn't take with you the first time – everything you left behind. 

Sick, sick, sick . 

You take a moment to dig through the top box, that's clearly been moved. Knick-knacks, books, clothes and all the clutter you've acquired; and it reminds you of family, it reminds you of friends. 

Jamie leans by the doorway, looking on in silence. 

When you pick up a box, straining to lift it, he doesn't offer to help. He watches as you flounder, dragging it towards the door. 

You're huffing when he finally says something; something that's clearly been on his mind for a while, with the way he says it. 

"Are you seeing someone?" He's looking out of the window, gaze fixed on the car parked outside. Miguel's car. 

Your eyes widen. You don't quite trust yourself to speak.

You leave the box by the door. "Are you?“

He shrugs. "Don't have the time."

It's noncommittal and frustratingly blasé. He's not giving you much, and it's fucking with your head. This whole thing feels like a big joke – he wants to talk, and all he's doing is asking bullshit questions. Once upon a time, you would've stewed in it; sat with that question on your tongue and let it rot. 

"I don't understand." You croak. It hurts to say out loud, but you say it. That's the important part. "I don't know why you're doing this… why are you still doing this?"

"I don't like how we left things." He says it slow, like he's choosing his words carefully. 

You want to scream.

" So? " 

" So , I need some kind of closure. We've got unfinished business."

" Unfinished business? " You roll it around on your tongue, reeling at its bitter taste. It feels clinical and lifeless, yet again. 

And then… oh. It clicks. Looking at him, arms folded and leaning on a wall, he looks antsy and uncomfortable. Now, when forced to face you. 

" Closure. " Another word that tastes like shit. You give a watery laugh. "You feel guilty."

He doesn't say anything but his body language says enough. He shifts his weight side to side, unable to make eye contact. 

You don't bother to stick around for an answer, snatching up the box as best you can. Through the doors, and down the corridor. You stagger down the flight of stairs, gritting your teeth. It's heavy – you've packed as much as you can inside, trying to get this over quickly – and you make it to the first floor before it clatters onto the steps. 

You fold ; knees drawn to your chest and hands tight in your hair. Heart racing, chest pumping: you're trying not to get swept away by heavy emotions. The tide rises. You pump your legs around the swirling mass - barely staying afloat in deep, deep water. 

You'll be okay. 

You remember Miguel's words, gentle and sweet and kind. You remember the way he said it; firmly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. The kind of grace that you don't have to work for and doesn't need a performance. He believes in you, at least; thinks you're stronger than you have any right to be. And you think of him in the car: eager to help and reassure. You brushed him off. You were mean. 

Deep breath. 

Miguel's waiting for you, just outside those doors. Diligent and patient, saccharine-sweet Miguel. Getting up, you make your way down the stairs with that box. 

When he spots you, a pretty little thing in a hoodie and jeans, he leaps out of the car. 

"Hey, hey, easy… " 

"I'm good, Mig – " 

You're struggling with the box, and he eases it out of your hands without breaking a sweat. One hand on the boot of the car, the other holding up the heavy box effortlessly, and he gives you a quick once over. 

"...he didn't offer to help?" His face is scrunched up - disgusted by the looks of it - and all you can manage is a limp shrug. 

It doesn't take him long to figure it out. You're dejected; nervous, down-trodden, blue in every meaning of the word; losing a little bit of that shine you had started the day with. If he had to guess, and he knows you well enough he'd bet money on it, it was that ex of yours – stealing away that light in a burlap sack, a thief in the brilliance of bright sun. 

It makes him grind his teeth, eyes flicking up at the fourth floor window. 

"I could help." He offers, a hand on your shoulder. It's your favourite hoodie, he thinks, as he circles the soft fabric with his thumb. 

You purse your lips, thinking it over. 

"It'll be quicker, chula. "

That pushes you over the edge, and you finally nod. 

It must be a sight, knocking at the door with Miguel hot on your heels. After living with him for so long, you've forgotten how intimidating he can be when you first meet him; taller than Jamie, and mean-mugging the blonde with a deadly look. If you weren't so on edge it would make you laugh: you know your roommate is mostly harmless. 

Jamie doesn't, of course. He visibly bristles, looking you both up and down. 

"I just need some help with the boxes. This is my roommate, Miguel."

You turn to the man beside you.

" Miguel ," You say it softer. "This is Jamie."

Wordlessly, he stretches out a palm,

rough and broad and tan. Hesitant, the man in front of you takes it. 

"Hey, man." Jamie flashes you a strange look when he says it. 

Miguel doesn't answer. 

You lead him to the second room, divvying up the boxes as Jamie hovers at the doorway. It's surprisingly efficient: Miguel insists on taking the heaviest boxes, hauling them up onto his shoulders, before stacking them up at the door. You'll take the smaller stuff, and it seems everything will be done in far fewer trips than before. It's hard to say out loud, but you're grateful for his help – Miguel was right , for once. 

After the first trip, he's bounding back up the stairs for more. You've both made it into a game, with neither one of you having to explain the rules. He pinches your arm whilst you sift through boxes, and you stick your tongue out in response. Elbow deep in crap, and he manages to make it feel a little better. 

Jamie stews. Jamie festers. In a corner of what used to be your shared apartment, he pretends to tap at his phone, uninterested. You know him too well for that facade to stick. 

Miguel takes the last of the boxes down, and you're straggling behind, picking up the last few bits and pieces. You're left alone with your ex, for a brief moment. 

"You're fucking him." He says it quiet, in a whisper that sounds oh-so loud in that little room. Fucking. He spits it out, and makes the word feel cheap and dirty. 

You look up from across the room. Slowly, he traverses its width, gaze pinning you down like a bug under a microscope. 

He brings a hand to your chin, cupping the flesh tenderly. It's intimate and familiar, reminding you of better days. Something bubbles up in your stomach, sweet and innocent. That feeling doesn't last long. 

"You're fucking him." 

It's accusatory, spat out with a rueful smile pulling at his lips. His fingers brush over your throat and you squirm, pulling up the mouth of your hoodie. 

Those hickies, blossoming like flowers in the spring. They crackle across your skin like fallen leaves in autumn. 

"It's none of your fucking business."

"Of course you are. I can't believe you." He rolls his eyes, half-laughing. "I was going to apologise! I was planning to say sorry for the way I handled things and you had to rub it in my face."

" What ?" You croak. 

"You brought the guy you're fucking to our apartment!" He explodes. 

His lips flatten into a tight line.

" ...now it's our apartment? You kicked me out. You dumped me ." 

"Don't…. fuck , don't do that. Don't make me the bad guy, here. I gave you plenty of time to find a new place."

"Two. Weeks." You grit. "You gave me two weeks, asshole. You left me alone, and told me to fend for myself whilst you fucked off to your sister's." 

That fire dies down as he hesitates. "I… I would've let you stay longer. You know that, baby."

" No. No I don't know, 'cuz you don't tell me shit , anymore." You blink back hot tears. "I don't make as much money as you do, and my family can't support me like yours can."

"I would've–" 

"You didn't. " You swallow roughly. "You didn't. I don't even know what I did wrong ."

"No, no." He cradles your face with his hands, swiping at stray tears. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Now, you look up at him. With glistening eyes, and a heavily furrowed brown, it barely comes out as a whisper; red-raw and strained. 

"Then why don't you love me?"

He doesn't deny it. There isn't a scramble to reassure you; to pat your head and kiss away tears to show you how much he cares. Instead, he steps away guiltily. 

"I care about you, of course I do. Remember when you changed your major?" 

You nod. 

"I was there, wasn't I? I stayed up for hours talking you through it. And when you dropped out, I came over on the weekends and brought you groceries."

"I was there. I helped you through that funk , and helped you get that job for school. Every stupid little question, every depressive episode, all those moments where no-one else would help: I did. Even though I had other things going on in my life, I showed up. For you. It was enough, for a while."

Until it wasn't. He sighs. 

"I'm starting my residency next year… and you're still in school, right?”

“Yes, I am.” You say it simply, not able to say much more without breaking down.

“I'm happy for you, really - proud that you actually got that far. But we're going in different directions, and at different paces. It's easier now that we're not together.”

You bristle at his tone: still in school, actually got that far . It oozes pomp and a quiet kind of superiority. Easier now, like it was difficult before. 

“I didn't make that decision because I hate you, or because I don't care about you. I know you're angry.” He places his hands on your shoulders, and doesn't break eye contact. For the first time since you got here, you think he's finally showing emotion; quiet melancholy just below the surface. Up this close, you can see it: deepening bags under his eyes, sallow skin, and fine lines. Jaime looks tired. In fact, he seems exhausted .  

“I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. But that doesn't excuse the fact that you brought your fuck buddy here, when I just wanted to talk.”

It feels cruel. The way he looks at you, and the way his demeanour switches from the Jamie you knew before, to this .  

"I wanted to talk." You strain. " Months ago. After you broke up with me, and disappeared off the face of the planet. Every time I called, crying and panicking, it went straight to voicemail." 

You shake his hands off of you, stepping back. 

"Miguel's a friend… did you ever think of that? Maybe I just needed some help moving my things, Jamie. Maybe I don't have that many friends since they stopped talking to me because of you, Jamie. Maybe, there's not some devious plot to spite you."

You pick up the rest of your stuff, a little basket of trinkets and books. The very same books that he had told you to pack up; to make some space for his textbooks. 

"Get your head out of your ass. Don't call me. Don't text me. I'm done. "

You're already halfway out of the door. With that, you start to storm off; clattering into Miguel by the stairs. When your things spill out of your hands, you both drop to your knees in a scramble to pick them up. You're chewing the inside of your cheek so hard it draws blood, fumbling around. Miguel is more efficient, scooping up your belongings back into its box. 

You're drooping, only able to mutter a quiet thanks. On the way to his car, you're dejected. Miguel watches carefully, trailing behind. 

~~~

He doesn't know what to say. 

You've left him speechless before. Many times, in the span of your couple months together. Miguel recalls it in exasperated messages to Lyla; you're something else entirely. Frustrating, sometimes. Quick-witted. Perceptive. Thoughtful. A million and one words to describe you, and yet, it still doesn't paint the full picture. You are multi-faceted and brilliant in a way he's not sure he completely understands. 

[Sent: 22:33]

Can't explain it, Ly. 

[Sent: 22:33]

I'm going fucking crazy. 

[Received: 22:34]

ur being dramatic :p

[Received: 22:34]

think u just need to get laid 

[Sent: 22:34]

Fuck off. 

[Sent: 22:35]

I said I'm taking a break. Meant it. 

[Received: 22:37]

(image attached) 

[Received: 22:37]

got this at the party

[Received: 22:37]

ur staring, mig

[Sent: 22:38]

… 

[Received: 22:38]

that's my dress! told u I have great taste :)) 

[Received: 23:06]

miggyyy

[Received: 23:06]

stop ignoring me! its not fun anymore >:(

That was a while ago. Before anything serious happened between you both. And he's had the privilege of seeing you in many different ways; stressed, angry, beaming with joy. Bouncing off the walls after too much coffee, or crawling out of bed following a late night. He's seen your lips curve to form a delicious O as you writhe underneath him; he's seen you smile. He'd tattoo it onto his skin, if he could. 

Fuck . He's overthinking it. 

You've retired to your spot on the couch, and yes, he's staring. Tracing the slope of your jaw and the tilt of nose outlined by the glow of the TV. After getting back home late, he brushed off limp protests and took most of the boxes up himself. It sits in a pile by the dining table. You'll deal with it tomorrow, he supposes. 

Retreating behind your ratty blanket, you stare blankly at the screen. Glassy eyes, you've curled up to watch reruns late into the night. Can't sleep, you told him, as he hovered by the doorway. 

He should go to bed. It's nothing to do with him, really, and he shouldn't have overheard as much as he did. Miguel is curious but not nosy, and well-versed on the art of minding your business . So he shouldn't feel his heart splintering; creaking like the trunk of a felled tree; hacked into two by the way he sees you drowning. 

He sits by your side. Not too close, of course, he's wary of all the shit you've been through today; not wanting to make you feel more uncomfortable. 

He's reminded of a childhood holiday. Half a summer spent at a campsite, bounding through woodland and creeks somewhere up north. Gabi and him would disappear, forgoing the beaten paths for their own adventure. Miguel couldn't make friends the way his brother could, so he'd straggle behind; watching from afar as the other kids would climb trees or swim in quiet lakes. Reading by the banks, and he remembers a time someone had slipped under the water. Drowning, and it wasn't anything like the movies. It was quick, silent and deadly. Thrashing under choppy water, and then…

…nothing. Just quiet. 

He feels that panic rising now, watching you stay so eerily still. You've slipped under the waves, and he doesn't know what to say to pull you back out. 

Miguel isn't too good with words. He's not known for his warmth, or comforting presence. Sometimes, he thinks he wasn't built with that switch turned on in his head – and he certainly didn't learn the right words from his parents. And so, he gives you comfort the only way he knows how. He shows you. He takes care of you. 

You come to him. Like two parts of a whole, you slot together perfectly: your head on his shoulder, at first. You end up on his chest, curled up like a housecat; matching shaky breaths to his steady ones. He brings a hand to your shoulder, drawing lazy circles in the fabric to soothe you. 

With the dull chatter and gloom of the TV, you fall asleep. It takes Miguel a little longer, but he wraps his arms around you. He listens out for it: the gentle rise and fall of your chest. Steady, like a metronome, and it grounds him – drowning out the creak of gears. 

_

_

_

Rigor Mortis Taglist: @bunnyrose01 @lavenderslemonade @tsukkie-daisuke @malxoxo @thekidscallmebosss @vvitcxen @theyoutubedork @doublevirgogirl @jnghs @taleiak @noblesavagex @cumikering @rebeccawinters @evanpetersrightbigtoe @saucypeanuttt @pix-stuff @maliarenee @truthuntolddd @honeycovered-bandaids @aiyaaayei @aeeliy @amplsblog @sikrettt @opuffmango @spear-bitch @maddielikesmoths @lemonpepsi @sweet-strawberryhoney @lacedinweb22 @bubbsby @jing5uan @ellaandorersoct @hibarbiesblog @valentxi @kittym1ka

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[ragnarokhound]

trick or treat 👻 long time no ramble in your ao3 comments but ily

Happy Halloween!! Always happy to hear from you! <333

Please enjoy my final contribution this year, a merry spookmas to all, and to all a boop night:

Halloween night in Gotham always brings out the crazies. The light is still on at this house, one of many in a nice, quiet neighborhood close to the park. The doorbell rings in expectation. As the tradition is answered, the owner of this particular house is nearly shocked out of their skin by the costumed figures on their front stoop. Or rather, by one in particular. "Trick or treat," sniffles a young, wobbling voice. "Trick or treat," her imposing guardian echoes, a beat off. The old rote phrase takes on new meaning, spat out of that expressionless red helmet, threatening and mechanical. Red Hood is on the porch. With a teary-eyed fairy princess, clutching a half-full sack of candy in her small hands. It looks suspiciously like burlap, and it's stained in places, like it's already been used for kidnapping purposes. Best not to ask, probably. "O-oh! What wonderful--" a darting glance from the princess to the Hood, "--costumes. So creative. Not staying out too much longer, I hope? It's getting late." "Making up for lost time," Red Hood says. It answers about as many questions as it raises, but mostly it says back off and give up the goods. Nervously, "Oh, of course. Take as much as you like, dear-- we thought we'd seen our last trick-or-treaters already." The princess's eyes get big, and she looks up at Red Hood, double checking. When he nods, shrugging, as much as you want, they said, she scrambles for the candy bowl. Crisp plastic packaging crinkles by the handful as she practically cleans them out. "What do we say?" Red Hood says gruffly. "Thank you!" she says, beaming. Hood leans in close. "Warheads? Gummy lips?" The gun-toting vigilante says disdainfully. "Are you kidding me with this sh-- stuff? This is bottom shelf candy. This is the dregs from last year. We both know the average property values on this street. You can do better." "Hood!" A third, irritated voice calls from the short driveway. "Wrap it up, we're behind schedule as it is!" "We'll make time," growls the man behind the mask, not even turning to acknowledge-- Red Robin is in the driveway. The severe twist of his mouth is impatient, but softens when the fairy princess comes running towards him, near-full bag held up triumphantly and spilling at least half a dozen boxes of Dots on the grass. "Red Robin, Red Robin, look! Look, I have enough now! I wanna show Greg and Mommy, they'll never believe it--" "Good job, Jenny," Red Robin says brightly, helping her up in front of him on the seat of his motorcycle. He's got a child-sized helmet ready to go. "See? I told you we'd get your candy back. Hood!" he snaps. Red Hood points fingers at his eyes and then at the cheapskate home owner's, I'm watching you, before snatching the last butterscotch out of the bowl. "Keep your shorts on, princess, I'm coming," he complains, climbing up onto the seat behind him. It's a tight fit. "Ready to go home?" he asks Jenny. "Bad guys and trick or treating and magic spells. You've had a big night, kiddo." "Uh-huh," she says absently, seriously studying her candy stash. "Then hold on tight--" "You got her?" "What kind of question is that? Of course I've got her--" The rev of the engine drowns out the rest of their bickering, and then they're off, screaming down the street. Gone, like they were never here at all. Halloween always brings out the crazies.

(For the trick or treat ask game! Send me a trick or treat ask and I'll share jaytim WIP snippets, or new 3-sentence -paragraph fics, etc :^) through the 31st!)

[girlboss-enthusiast]

Patriarchy affects autistic women and girls in a unique way imo. I'm thinking particularly of masking (when you learn and perform behaviors from others to hide your autistic traits), but also of the autistic tendencies to compartmentalize, to want clear rules (esp socially), to assume honestly and/or good faith from others, to generally struggle to understand the intentions of others.

If we can't intuit social rules, then it makes sense that we would try to learn them by rote from outside sources. And when those outside sources are pushing patriarchal roles on us, when it seems like other women find it easy or natural, when we can't or don't trust ourselves to understand how to be accepted/acceptable...is it any wonder we try to mask? Is it any wonder we're more vulnerable?

I think this same thing is why a disproportionate amount of autistic women ID as trans or nonbinary. It makes perfect sense to me. Gender ideology offers us a different script; it says, "Do you feel ostracized, lonely, like an outsider? Here is a solution. Here is an alternate path." And then we're given an explanation, different rules to follow, something that seems less constricting than the rules of femininity. That's why gender ideology appealed to me, anyway. After years of struggling to perform femininity and growing steadily more dissociated from my body due to misogyny and disability, the idea that I could opt out sounded marvelous! Except, of course, that's not how it works.

This post has been All About Me but I'm an extremely rule-bound person, and I know many other autistics are not. So I'm curious—

Autistic women, do you find that patriarchy and misogyny have affected you in ways specific to being autistic?

[tuiccim]

Though I Have Never Read It (Part 10 - Final)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 4112

Warnings: Fluff, angst.

A/N: Special thanks to my hype princess & beta reader @whisperlullaby.

Though I Have Never Read It Masterlist

Bucky fed you, encouraged you to rest, and left you to let you sleep. You wanted to beg him to stay, to hold you through the night, and make it all better. You didn’t think you’d sleep but you were wrong. The exhaustion of the past week caught up with you and you didn’t even remember your head hitting the pillow. You slept deeply and woke at the time you would normally have an alarm set for. Deciding to find a project in the hangar to get lost in, you dress and head that way. 

You find a mess of work that had piled up while you had been out caring for Eva. Normally, it would frustrate you but today you were grateful for the distraction. You lost yourself in it, forgetting everything else, and going time blind until your phone dinged late in the afternoon with a text from Mark. 

Mark: Hey. Everything is set for tomorrow night. I’ll meet you at seven. How does Athena’s sound? You: Sounds good. See you then. 

You answer him almost by rote. A message you had sent him many times. You check your phone, hoping you had missed a text from Bucky but nothing was there. As you had told him everything last night, you had hoped he would say something. If you were honest, you had wanted him to tell you not to do this, that he felt something for you. You had wanted him to fight for you and he didn’t. Was that your answer? If he had real feelings for you, wouldn’t he have? You shake your head to clear it before starting work again. You wanted to lose yourself as you had before but the questions rolled through your brain over and over again. Were you being the stupid one? Maybe he didn’t want to take your chance with Eva away and it was you that needed to take that first step. 

Hours later, as your head ached from debating with yourself, you sit back from the engine you were working on. You made up your mind that when you and Bucky went to the farmer’s market  tomorrow morning, you would tell him how you felt afterwards. Thoroughly exhausted from the day of work and the mental gymnastics you had put yourself through, you make yourself a quick sandwich, take a shower, and go to bed.  Sleep is fitful through the night and you wake feeling heavy. The weight of your thoughts pressing on you. 

Your stomach is in knots and your nerves are jittering under your skin as you get ready to go to the market. Taking a little extra care with your appearance, you stare at yourself in the mirror for a moment before grabbing your basket and going to meet the group. Natasha and Wanda are waiting in the kitchen when you appear. The three of you chat while waiting for the guys. You looked up expectantly when Sam walked in but he was alone. 

“Where’s Steve and Bucky?” Natasha asks Sam. 

“They went out on their motorcycles earlier this morning. Bucky said something about needing a distraction,” Sam shrugs as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “We’re still going to the market, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Wanda says. 

They all seem to miss your absolute devastation. You quickly mask your feelings and follow everyone out. You're lost in thought for most of the walk while Wanda and Sam chatter with the occasional comment from Natasha. Your mind runs amok wondering what kind of distraction they were looking for. It wouldn’t be hard for him to find one should he want that. You jerk your head at the thought, trying to force it from your brain. 

“Are you okay?” Natasha drops back from the other two, eyeing you suspiciously. 

“Fine. You?”

Natasha raises an eyebrow, “What’s going on?”

“I just have a lot on my mind. It’s been a long week,” you avoid her question.

“If you need to talk about it…” She lets herself trail off. 

“I appreciate that. I’m gonna grab some produce.” You smile and move away from the group. You browse the stands and come upon one of your favorites, but rather than joy, you find yourself nearly in tears as you stare at the heads of cabbage. Recalling when you had last made sausage and cabbage to share with Bucky. 

God, why was everything about your relationship with him so complicated? From the beginning in that cabin, to meeting him again, the secrets, and then finally finding a comfortable place with each other. And then Mark takes the simple relationship you have and wants to complicate it. You hated all of this. You hadn’t spoken to Bucky since you told him about Mark’s request. He hadn’t asked you not to. You thought he had feelings for you, but what if you were wrong? You thought back to that night, trying to find some hint, something that would give you answers. You thought through Mark’s request and Bucky’s reactions. You thought about the chance to be with Bucky and the life you could have being a family with Mark and Eva as you shopped. 

“What does your heart say?” The voice of your best friend breaks through your thoughts. She could have been standing right next to you for the clarity you hear it with. And then, “What is your heart telling you?” Comes through in Bucky’s voice just as clearly. You laugh and shake your head, probably looking absolutely mad to anyone watching you in the crowd. The answer to that question is the hardest thing to figure out and you had to by dinner tonight. 

—

The wind whipped past Bucky as he sped along the roadway with Steve close on his heels. They had been driving for hours and still Bucky hadn’t found the distraction or peace his mind craved. He was consumed with losing you. You would be giving Mark his chance and being a mom to Eva. He couldn’t stand in the way of that. It would be barbaric to pile onto your already heavy load by confessing his own feelings. He just couldn’t do that to you. 

Steve’s bike pulled ahead momentarily and he signaled for Bucky to stop. They pulled over at one of the state park’s scenic spots where a couple of benches overlooked a view of the water. Bucky pulls off his helmet and looks over the beauty in front of him, wishing he could share this with you. He drops his head at the thought and berates himself for not being able to let go. 

“You ready to talk yet?” Steve’s voice drifts over to him from where he’s standing. 

Bucky walks over to him and stares out over the expanse, “She and Mark are getting together. So they can be a family for Eva.”

“That’s rough. I’m sorry, Buck,” Steve puts a hand on his shoulder.

Bucky shrugs, “Just my luck, right?”

“Is that all she said when you told her how you felt?”

“Well, uh…” Bucky scratches the back of his neck, “I didn’t exactly tell her.”

“What? Bucky!” Stave gapes at his best friend. “You didn’t tell her?!?”

“She had just gotten back from their place. She was exhausted and upset. Mark asked her for a chance to be a family. I can’t come between her and them and I didn’t want to add more to her burden. What was I supposed to say? Hey, I know you want to be Eva’s mom and this is your chance, but would you be willing to give that up for me? Some broken down ex-assassin whose mind is precarious at best?”

“You shouldn’t think of yourself like that,” Steve says softly. 

“All the better for her. She doesn’t need me messing up her life,” Bucky sighs.

“Why don’t you let her decide that?”

“I can’t come between her and Eva, Steve!” Bucky says, frustrated. 

“Damnit, Buck! It’s not like she would never see Eva again! You aren’t taking that away. You would just be giving her another option. A different chance at happiness. Don’t be an idiot!” Steve all but shouts. 

“You don’t understand!” Bucky yells back and turns away. 

“I do, Buck! I know what it’s like to lose someone over a stupid decision. You just need to tell her!” Steve sees Bucky shaking his head and his frustration boils over, “Why? Why can’t you just tell her?!?”

Bucky turns back to him, eyes red-rimmed and shouts, “Because I don’t think I could stand it if she didn’t…” He stops, looking down and shaking his head. 

“Choose you? Feel the same? …Buck, if what I’ve seen is any indication, she feels the same. Don’t lose her over a hypothetical.”

“It’s not that simple. I wish to God it was,” Bucky stalks back to his bike, revs it, and takes off. 

Steve follows him. He didn’t want him to be alone right now.

–

Your mind was made up; head held high, shoulders square, and your nerves an absolute wreck as you reach the door and walk through the entrance of Athena’s. The casual diner was a popular spot and there was a bit of a crowd but you spotted Mark sitting in a booth as you did a quick survey. He was smiling up at Maia, the third generation owner of the joint. Her grandmother, Athena, had started the place in the 60s and worked in the kitchen until she handed the reins over to Maia’s mother, Phoebe. Maia was fairly young for a restaurant owner but she had worked every position in the place and always made sure to greet her regulars. You could just make out their conversation as you walked over. 

“Where’s Eva?” Maia asked Mark. 

“Oh, she’s with my mom tonight. Grown-ups only dinner tonight. We have some things to talk over,” Mark says. 

“Everything okay?” Maia tilts her head inquisitively. 

“Yeah, just catching up, ya know?” Mark answers. Clearly neither had noticed your approach, so you hang back for a second. 

“Well, you’ll have to bring Eva by soon. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. She’s so precious. I love that kid,” Maia smiles. 

“Really? Yeah, I’ll do that. She loves your crunchy honey. That’s what she calls the baklava,” he laughs. 

“That’s adorable! Well, I’ll be sure to bring you both a piece when you come,” Maia shifts as she speaks, putting you in Mark’s line of sight. 

“Oh, hey!” Mark notices you. 

“Hey Mark. Maia, how are you?” You slide into the booth. 

“Great. Booming really,” Maia replies. 

“And well deserved,” you smile, “The place looks great. Did you paint the bar?”

“Yes. Just freshening things up a little,” Maia looks around the place proudly. 

“I thought something seemed different. It looks great,” Mark pipes in.

“Thanks. Well, I let you guys get to your dinner,” she waves over a waiter but turns back to Mark before walking away, “I look forward to seeing Eva and you guys soon.”

You order a drink and peruse the menu. It was almost pointless, you knew the menu well but you were stalling. Glancing up at Mark’s nose buried in the menu, you smirked at the thought that he was doing the same. No matter what, this wouldn’t be easy. You make small talk, order your meals, and then there’s nothing but open air between you. 

“How, uh, how was the rest of your week?” Mark asks. 

“Busy. There was a mess of work to do when I got back and then the team and I went to the market this morning. I did some meal prep today. You know, same old song. How about you?” You ask, your nerves buzzing under your skin.

“Yeah, luckily I can work remotely for a lot of things but I’m pretty sure when I get into work on Monday there is going to be some catching up to do,” Mark nods.

“Do you think Eva is good to go back to school?” You ask, concerned. 

“I think so but her teacher and I have emailed and she’s going to keep a close eye on her to make sure she doesn’t get overtired. Mom’s not far from the school if Eva needs to be picked up.”

“Well, you know if she needs any help…” You let the words trail off. 

“I know. Thank you,” Mark’s voice softens as he looks at you with a loaded expression. 

You feel your palms begin to sweat as you know what’s coming. You weren’t ready. 

“I-”

“Of course,” you say the words more forcefully than necessary and then give a breathy little laugh. “Um, I mean, you know, I’m always happy to be there for Eva.”

“Right,” Mark gives you a small smile, the look in his eyes telling you he understood your nerves and it helps you relax. You exhale for what feels like the first time since you sat down. It’s Mark, he’s your friend, your family, and everything was going to be okay. 

You smile at him as you calm yourself and then apologize, “I’m sorry. I interrupted you. Please go ahead.”

Mark lets out a short laugh, “I’m the one that needs to apologize to you.”

You look at him askew, “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been really unfair to you.”

“No, Mark. You haven’t,” you reassure him. 

“I have,” he says firmly. “It wasn’t right of me to ask you what I did. I mean, it makes sense from a purely logical level. We’re great friends, you love Eva, Eva loves you, and it would make things easy. For me, that is. But, I, um, realized something. I’ve had the love of my life and she’s gone now. So, for me, I’m not risking anything going into this relationship. I’m getting everything and not giving up a thing. I don’t want it for myself though, I want it for Eva. I want her to have the best of everything and you are. You are an amazing mother figure to her and you will be whether or not we are a traditional family. She’s a lucky kid.”

“Lucky to have you for a dad, too,” you smile at him. 

“Thanks. Look, I don’t know what you thought about this stupid idea but I’m sorry. I’m sure it put you in a weird headspace. After I asked you, I kept thinking about how much I loved her and I wondered if you had ever felt that. I found the love of my life. I got to marry her and have a beautiful little girl. I got to be truly happy, even if it was shorter than I wished, than I’d wish on anyone,” Mark blinks as if fighting back tears and clears his throat. “So, I can’t take that possibility away from you. I can’t steal your future happiness. You haven’t found the love of your life, yet, and you need to have that. Wait… have you? Found… I mean-”

He didn’t know it but, in that moment, Mark healed a little bit of your brokenness. He had given you reassurance that you deserved love, deserved that chance, and it was something you hadn’t even realized you needed to hear. You laugh as happy tears fill your eyes, “Um, I don’t know… but I think I might have. Maybe…” You trail off as doubt begins to take hold again. 

“Maybe?” Mark prompts with raised eyebrows. 

“I told him about us. About this. I thought… I thought he’d say something. I thought he’d fight for me or, at least, tell me how he feels but he didn’t. He just let me go-”

“Your meals,” the waiter announces as he sets your plates down in front of you. 

“Uh, thank you,” you stammer. 

“Is there anything else I can get for you?” The waiter asks with his best customer service smile. 

“No, thank you,” Mark says and immediately turns back to you. “Maybe he let you go in hopes that you’d come back to him.”

You scoff, “I doubt it.”

“Or maybe he was hoping you would fight for him. Did you tell him how you felt?” Mark asks. 

“No, I was going to but he left this morning. To find a distraction,” you roll your eyes bitterly. Images of Bucky finding that distraction with another woman came unbidden to your mind and you force yourself to push them away. 

“A distraction? What does this mean?” Mark looks at you concerned. 

“He and his best friend went out on their motorcycles,” you shrug. 

“Sounds like he needed to talk to his best friend. I mean, Bucky’s a good guy. I doubt he’ll do anything stupid,” Mark says the name slyly and his guess is confirmed when your head jerks up. 

You narrow your eyes at him, “How did you know?”

“You talk about him a lot. Eva even talks about him. Wasn’t hard to put two and two together. Look, I’ve never met the guy but he’s an idiot if he’s anything but interested. Let’s finish dinner and then you go back home, find him, and talk about it. Easier said than done, I know, but, if he is the love of your life, it’s worth the risk.”

You smile at your friend, “You’re right. After all, I do believe my best friend told this one guy she was friends with that she had a massive crush on him and it ended up working out pretty well for her.”

“Once he picked his jaw up off the floor since he thought she was so far out of his league. Yeah, I think it did,” Mark smiles, remembering the moment he realized he had found the one. 

“Thank you, Mark,” you reach across and squeeze his hand. 

“Anything for my best friend. Now, let’s eat before our food is cold and we insult Maia,” he winks. 

You dig in and the two of you talk about everything and nothing. The same easy friendship that had been yours for years reestablished. You were laughing at one of Mark’s stupid dad jokes when your phone rings. 

“Who is it?” Mark asks after seeing a strange expression on your face. 

“It’s Bucky,” you reply, looking at him with furrowed brow. 

“Answer it.”

“He-hello??

“Doll!” Bucky’s frantic voice comes through the phone.

“What’s wro-”

“I can’t let you do this!” Bucky interrupts. 

“What? What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get in the way but I can’t let you do this,” Bucky says. “Please give me a chance to explain. I tried to make it back there in time but I’m an idiot and I can’t. Please-”

“Bucky. It’s okay. We can talk. Where are you?”

Mark smirks while whispering, “Guess he decided to fight for you.”

You glance at him as a joyful laugh bubbles up, “I guess he did.”

Bucky’s voice comes through the phone, “I’ll be at the compound in less than an hour. Am I too late?”

“I’ll meet you there,” you confirm. 

“Doll?” Bucky’s voice betrays his fear. 

“You’re late, Barnes. You’ll have to wait to know the answer. See you soon.”  You’re giddy as you hang up. 

“Torturing the guy a little bit, huh?” Mark laughs. 

“Maybe a little,” you laugh. “He can take it.”

Mark nods, “You know what? I got this,” he gestures to the food, “Go.”

You can tell he’s holding in his laughter, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“I look forward to hearing about all this,” Mark grins.

You slide out of the booth and make your way to the door. You glance back to give Mark a final wave and bump right into Maia. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Maia looks at you strangely.

“My fault, sorry,” you reassure her.

“Everything okay?” Maia asks with a lift of an eyebrow. 

“Better than okay. I just have to go,” you can’t help smiling, heat stealing into your cheeks. 

“Oh, um,” Maia grins. “Can I ask…” she falters for a moment but then glances back to Mark before looking you full in the face, “You and Mark?”

Your mouth drops open as you realize what she’s asking, “Never! We’re just friends. His wife was my best friend.” 

“So, he’s single?” She asks nervously. Maia knew Mark was a widower but apparently was unsure of your status with him. 

You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face, “You should give him your number. Actually, would you mind keeping him company for me?”

“I might just do that,” Maia smiles and ducks her head. 

“See ya later, Maia,” you rush to your car and book it to the compound. You make it there in record time and decide you’d rather wait for Bucky in your room, away from curious eyes and ears. It was a nerve wracking 20 minutes of pacing, waiting for Bucky to appear. For the second time that day, you were a bundle of nerves. You jumped when the knock finally sounded. You pull it open and you and Bucky just stare at each other. He smells of leather and forest and sunshine. You just take him in for a moment, the chestnut brown hair, full lips, and cerulean eyes. “Hi,” you whisper. 

“Hi,” he gives a small smile. “Am I too late?”

“Come in,” you say instead of answering and pull him through the door. 

“Doll?” Bucky seems desperate for you to answer him. 

“You asked for a chance to explain. So… explain,” a sadistic side of you was enjoying torturing him just a little.

“I went out for a ride. Steve and I did and we drove for hours. Steve kinda knocked some sense into me. I never want to come between you and Eva or Mark. I realize you might have chosen Mark, but I couldn’t let you do it. Not without telling you how I feel. Not without telling you that I love you. I know I’m nothing compared to them but I love you so much. I would never-”

You reach up to cover Bucky’s lips and stop his tirade, “I know you wouldn’t. You’re not nothing, you’re everything. And I love you, too. ”

He stares at you in disbelief for a moment. You let your fingers slide from his mouth to caress his cheek. You glance down at his mouth and then back up to those beautiful eyes. When his lips finally descended on yours, it was as if you were starving for each other. Your bodies were finally giving into an indulgence that you’d waited years to taste again and you didn’t want to part. He clutched at you, relief and joy mixed with the desperation flowing through him. 

When your lips finally part, you press yours to his neck and, this time, it’s your voice that whispers the desperate plea against his skin, “Please.”

He was just as gentle as you remembered and this time you allowed yourself to indulge in him. Not hidden under blankets in a tiny bed, you revel in his body and touch. He studied every arch and moan as his hands and mouth played over you. You called his name as you came and it was enough to send him over the edge, whispering I love you as he fell. 

As you laid together, tangled in the sheets, with hands playing over each other, you told him about how the evening went with Mark. How Mark had apologized and how you had reassured each other. 

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky says after you finish. 

“Anything,” you affirm.

“What was your decision? Before you got there?” Bucky seems to hold his breath as he waits for your answer. 

“That I love Mark and I love Eva, they’re my family. But it’s not the kind of love that you build a marriage around. More than that, I couldn’t ignore the feelings I have for you. I knew I would have to tell you and let the chips fall where they may. I was disappointed when you didn’t ask me not to go to Mark but I realized that you were trying to not complicate things for me,” you explain. 

“I don’t ever want to come between you and Eva,” Bucky reiterates. 

“I know but promise me you’ll never do that again. Always tell me how you feel. Promise?”

“Promise,” Bucky says, kissing the side of your head. “Right now, I feel amazing.”

“Yeah?” You can’t help smiling.

“Mm-hm, and you feel amazing,” Bucky says as he rubs his hands over you. 

“Anything else to say?” You ask. 

“Just one thing…” Bucky whispers with his lips against your neck. 

“What’s that?” You moan. 

“Please.”

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[the-rebel-archivist]

a kiss to gain something, for amadis/illario? 👀

This one really spiraled out of control and I could not stop myself, some pre-game trysting of my favourite messy couple who are definitely not in love do not @ them. It did not escape my notice that the Rook background event that separates them from their faction happens approximately at the same time as Lucanis is presumed dead

Amadis de Riva / Illario Dellamorte | 1778 words

If Amadis were a good little Crow she would have been packing. She would have been obeying her Talon’s direct order to take her things and get out of Treviso ‘with immediate effect.’ She would have followed along like the perfect soldier she was supposed to have been.

Good little Crows don’t find themselves in a rented tavern room next to a man that same Talon has told them to stay away from who refuses to tell them his name. Good little Crows fall in line and obey no matter how little information they’re given. No, Viago had made it clear to her how much she was not, in fact, a good little Crow after her actions against the Antaam and so any attempt to be one hardly seemed to matter.

The sullen face of a once-good little Crow stared back at her from a dingy mirror as she ever so carefully traced her lipstick over her lips and tightened the tie on her robe.

Illario was distracted tonight. Even when his clever hands were on her body his mind was somewhere else entirely, traveling the peaks and valleys of her flesh by rote and muscle memory, guided less by passion than by experience and yet seemingly just as bent on losing himself in her as she was into him. Did he know what had happened? Did he know it was her who had ruined the Talons’ plans and her who would be so unceremoniously exiled? 

Worse yet, where did his allegiances truly lie? It was a desperate thing to suspect a Crow of treason and yet not improbable, especially when he had cultivated a mystery around himself the way he did. It was becoming tiresome that he still refused to name his House. Trust was already an expensive commodity in Antiva and could not support further suspicion.

“Something on your mind?” she prodded gently, taking a seat beside him on the bed, curling one bare leg beneath her and laying the other across his lap. He accepted it with an aimless drift of his fingertips across her calf, but looked away for a moment too long before responding.

“It’s nothing,” he said with his liar’s smile, his expression shifting into the softened mask of a lover that had been absent a second prior. The finesse of it always amazed her; she mentally noted it with professional appreciation. If she had had a closer relationship with the truth herself she might almost have called it natural.

“Contracts don’t usually spook you.”

“It’s not a contract.”

“Ahh so it is something,” she said with a dangerous smile, leaning closer to him until her shoulder bumped gently into his, rocking the two of them ever so slightly off balance until she settled against him. “House business, then?”

He huffed a harsh breath from his nose and the top corner of his lip curled cruelly, faster than he could catch up to the expression to crush it into an intimate unconcern, a smile free of conflict. He hadn’t managed his eyes though, not completely, not well enough for her scrutiny, not enough for her to be able to mistake the desire for reassurance, for justification, of some act he was reticent to speak of.

“Something like that.”

Some instinct within her cried danger, growing louder and spilling into her guts as she searched for answers that she knew she wouldn’t receive in those eyes that seemed nearly black in the dim light. He continued to play the lover but she knew better, she knew him like she knew her own limb, they had never needed names for that. 

Who or what she couldn’t tell, whether herself, her country, or someone wholly unconnected to either, but she knew beyond any doubt that some betrayal was an inevitability, and knew just as strongly that whatever happened she would guarantee that she would not be anywhere near the fallout of it.

Still, their game played on. He had one more chance to end it, whether or not he knew it. One chance for the honesty she had no true expectation of.

“And am I still not allowed to know which House?” she asked, looking up at him through her long, dark eyelashes and allowing an errant curl to fall in front of her face. “Still worried that we may be mortal enemies?”

Illario’s smile turned wickedly sharp as he took the offered bait and smoothed the hair from her face, cupping her cheek and lifting her chin toward him.

“If I’m not already your mortal enemy I will be very disappointed,” he said, the warmth of his breath prickling on her skin.

You are, she thought as she closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his, pulling him close against her and holding tightly to him. You can match me, you may be my weakness, but you will not be my undoing.

She banked the smell of him within her memory, the sincerity of the sweat on his skin overlaid with the artificiality of his chosen cologne. There was no small chance that this was their end now, and it would be for the best. But for a moment, for just one single moment, she could pretend that this was all there was, that they were happy, and that neither would ever feel the sting of the other’s betrayal. All a fiction, certainly, but she couldn’t resist the indulgence of it even still. 

Backing off, she broke away from him, her resolve steeled. The weight of their secrets and their untruths had simply become too heavy; there was no other option than this. Perhaps it had always led here. Perhaps Viago had had the right of it when he warned her away, though the thought of validating that stung more than Illario’s deflections. 

He followed after her with his hands, resting an arm around her waist; for him too, it seemed, it was easier to bury himself in whatever this was than to face whatever had him so preoccupied.

“I’m leaving Treviso,” she said flatly, reclaiming her leg from across his lap and setting it on the floor. She might have shrugged out of his grasp completely had he not tightened his grip on her as she spoke. “I don’t know when or if I’ll be back.”

“Why?” he asked, straightening up with what seemed to be genuine surprise. “Where? I may be traveling soon, I could meet you.”

Not this time, she thought, more wistfully than she had imagined she would when she’d run over the ways this conversation might have gone beforehand. She had not thought that he would look at her like she was the sun and had banished him into shadow. He ought to have been grasping, scheming, he ought to have been his usual conniving self. Not this earnestness that nearly threw her off course. She could recover though, she must now.

“A contract,” she lied. “And no, I will not tell you where. You’ll enjoy yourself well enough wherever you are without me,” she teased with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. She didn’t mind; though he had on occasion followed after her for a post-contract holiday they had never been anything near to what might have been called exclusive.

“Will you tell me if I am very, very nice?” Illario purred into her ear, pulling her closer to him and nuzzling his nose into her neck.

Amadis tilted her head back, leaning shoulder to shoulder, a hair’s breadth from his lips. “You have never been very, very nice a day in your life,” she said in a low voice, kissing him once more, biting gently at his lower lip before separating again. “And I would hate for you to start now.”

He laughed and the vibration through his chest rippled through her own.

“I could also be terribly-” he began, voice smooth as velvet, nipping at the tip of her ear. “Incredibly-” he continued as he slipped a hand into her robe and worked it slowly downward. “Not nice at all,” he finished, his fingers teasing the top of her hip bone. 

Another day perhaps he might have tempted her to let go and meld into him. A small, easily crushed notion in the back of her mind wished it might have been that day. It was not. It could not be.

“There is nothing you can do to convince me, mio caro,” Amadis said with a wicked little smile, lifting his hand away and placing it on his leg. She ran her fingers over his as she let go, giving them a single squeeze. They were slightly cold to the touch; his circulation was slowing. “Not when you have secrets of your own.”

“We all have secrets, we’re assassins,” he said, seemingly more sharply than he’d intended. The slightly frantic expression in her eyes told her it was taking effect; his taut control over his tone and himself had loosened. Bit by bit his mask was falling and it seemed all he could do to force neutrality on his features. Just one moment more, that was all she needed.

“You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine,” she pushed , one final chance after the last one. One more moment to seal his own fate and by extension theirs.

“Then I suppose we’ll both remain a mystery,” he said firmly and she put the possibility of the antidote she carried out of her mind. 

One hard blink, then another, and then the muscles in his neck started to go slack. Blearily he attempted to push her away but only succeeded in falling into her shoulder, his movements sluggish and slow as though he were moving through water.

“You did this,” he accused through slurred words as she laid him down softly onto the bed. She was gentle, smoothing the hair from his face and lifting his legs off the floor. 

“I don’t know what it is you’re planning, but I don’t want to be anywhere near it and I’m afraid I can’t risk you following me. You’ll be alright in a few hours.” Picking up a handkerchief from the nightstand, she wiped her lipstick away thoroughly and precisely, as she had been taught by the expert poisoners of House de Riva. “Dream of me,” she said quietly, her voice a low rumble, and pressed a last, untainted kiss to his brow.

“I’ll dream of your blood on my knife.”

“But at least you’ll still be thinking of me,” she told him as his eyes fluttered closed and he faded away into unconsciousness.

Perhaps there was something of a good little Crow in her after all.

[enqmind]

As ever, I accept payment in kind words and follows.

Ghost/Female Reader WC: 1.8k 18+ content

Warnings: Suicide attempt by reader, gaslighting, manipulation, Local Manc has worst possible reaction to a suicide attempt, ~*self indulgence*~

Reader notes: Thin enough to fit into a standard bathtub, light enough to be lifted from a standard bathtub by Ghost, mentally ill, pale enough for noticable blushing (feel free to ignore), atheist (it's now plot relevant, but I'm not your dad), ≥ 5' - < 6' tall (by Ghost's estimate)

One Man's Treasure III

Previous Next

 The idea that she’d recognise him just hadn’t occurred to him at all.

 He took great pains to cover his face so much of the time, after all. Surgical masks in the warmer months, balaclavas and scarves in the chillier ones.

 When could she have seen his bare face?

 Her surprise melted away into despair.

 “Oh, this is part of the punishment isn’t it? A constant reminder of my cowardice.”

 Yes, all those times she looked like she wanted to ask him something but didn’t.

 “Go on.”

 “I wanted to get to know my neighbours, but it never seemed like the right time.” She stared at his covered chest. “I just couldn’t stand to be a bother, you know?”

 The look on her face was all too familiar. She’d learned not to be a bother, probably the hard way.

 “Despite always covering his face, he’d seemed somehow more approachable. Like there was space in his life for a new friend. I was just always too scared to make that first move.” A sigh. “C’est la vie. Though not anymore, I suppose.”

 There, an in.

 “If he always covered his face, how do you know what he looks like?”

 A weak smile.

 “Happened to spot him when he was getting his post in the dead of night once. He looked exhausted, so I let him be.”

 Sometimes you were so tired that you’d dream of doing the rote thing that you did all the time. Unthinking action becoming nothing more than subconscious thought.

 It was really his bad luck that his neighbour happened to see, and a huge problem that he didn’t notice her.

 She started to pull away.

 Ghost put his hand on her back and stopped her.

 No, I’m not angry at you.

 “I, er… need a wee,” she mumbled.

 “Go ahead then,” he replied, removing his arm. “But come straight back, I don’t want you wandering around.”

 She nodded and shimmied her way off the bed.

 He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

 They’d have to move. He couldn’t keep her around her own flat, she’d want to get stuff from it.

 He pulled his phone from his pyjama pocket and texted Price.

 -I need extended leave and a house-

 Ghost would have to make an itemised plan and shopping list.

 As nice as her roaming around his house in his clothes was, she’d have to leave the flat eventually and she’d need her own clothes for that.

 He’d have to find a storage place to put her stuff until he figured out what to do with it and break her lease.

 Oh, right.

 He’d need to find out what her name was. That would be easy enough, she’d have post in her place.

 The sound of bare feet on carpet caught his attention.

 She was swimming in that shirt, he couldn’t even see the shorts. Just a very nice pair of legs cut off by his shirt. There could be anything or nothing under there.

 “Um…”

 His eyes snapped up to her face.

 Her tongue peeked out to wet her lips as she sat on the edge of the bed, twisting toward him. Hands toying with the edge of the shirt.

 “I’m hungry, can I use the kitchen? Please?”

 There was nothing in there but a half empty tub of LoSalt.

 “No. What do you want?”

 Her brow furrowed in mild confusion.

 “Um, anything will do. I can throw something together.”

 “We’re getting takeaway.”

 Her eyes widened.

 “I really don’t want to be a bother.”

 You’re not being a bother.

 Women liked Starbucks, right?

 He pulled up his app of choice.

 “Ham and cheese toastie.” He peered at her worried face. “Caramel latte?”

 “You really don-”

 “There’s no food in the kitchen.”

 There, that stopped her.

 “Oh. Yeah, that sounds fine.”

 He glanced at her.

 “And get in the bed. You’re cold.”

 Her arm went over her chest and she turned red.

 Ghost tugged at the duvet.

 “In.”

 She climbed into the bed, teetering near the edge.

 He patted the bed next to him as his phone pinged.

 -Elaborate-

 -Somewhere quiet with good transport links to Johnny’s-

 She shimmied closer.

 Yeah, somewhere quiet ought to make this whole thing easier to believe.

 Easy access to Johnny’s meant there’d be a good shot of his Mrs being able to check in on her. Which Mrs MacTavish would do, since she still cared about Ghost despite the fact that he knew that she knew that he was making faces at her under his mask. She had his number, and he respected that.

 He lay down his arm behind his neighbour, which caused her to pause for a moment.

 She stared at it, then lay down with his bicep as a neck pillow. Stiff as a board.

 Not the most comfortable position, but he could make it work. He bent his arm and rested his hand on her arm.

 It could be nicer, but this was nice enough for now.

 His phone pinged again.

 -Why?-

 “You’re really comfortable,” his neighbour mumbled, turning her head and smiling. “I was led to believe you’d be a lot bonier.”

 “That was before I started working out.”

 The smile turned into a full grin and she relaxed.

 -Suddenly gained a dependent-

 He felt a gentle touch on his side, her hand tentatively resting on him. He stared at it as it stood stark against his t-shirt.

 Ghost put his phone on his chest and immediately entwined their fingers.

 God, her hand was so small in his. He could crush the bones with little effort. Had women always been so delicate, or was this one special?

 She swallowed spit nervously.

 “Why-”

 His phone pinging interrupted her.

 Terrible timing.

 -How big is it?-

 -5 foot something-

 Now the phone was ringing.

 “Should I go?”

 He shook his head.

 “You stay, I need to turn the heating on anyway.”

 She sat up, releasing his arm without being asked.

 Thoughtful little thing.

 He briefly rubbed her back as he got up and answered the call.

 “What do you mean ‘five foot something’?” Price demanded.

 Ghost watched her roll into the warm path he left and snuggle under the duvet as he shut the door.

 “Didn’t ask her height.”

 A loud sigh came out of the phone as he went to switch on the boiler, pushing the temperature up a few extra degrees. Women ran cold, afterall.

 “There’s a limit to what we can sweep under the rug, Ghost. If you’ve kidnapped someone-”

 He half tuned Price out.

 Was this a kidnapping?

 Arguably he had taken her from her home without her consent; but, since she hadn’t yet attempted to leave, it was a moot point.

 He did want to think about her trying to leave.

 “I found her bleeding and about to drown in a bathtub,” he interjected. “A suicide attempt.”

 Silence.

 “Fourth or fifth try, she says.” He turned and stared at the bedroom door.

 Silence.

 Then, “you don’t sound like you’re in a hospital.”

 “Didn’t take her to a hospital.”

 More silence.

 “She’s in the other room and we’ve got breakfast coming.”

 “We need to talk about this.”

 “Yeah.”

 “What’s her name?”

 “Dunno yet.”

 “Jesus Christ,” he hissed. “Tell me the second you know, get all the information you can. I’m running a background check.”

 Ghost sighed.

 “You don’t need to, I-”

 “This isn’t a favour. It’s an order.”

 There was no arguing with that.

 No matter how unlikely it seemed, you could never be too safe.

 “Affirmative.”

 Another, brief, silence.

 “Don’t lose your head.”

 “I won’t, sir.”

 They ended the call, and Ghost leaned on the wall.

 Maybe he already had.

---

 Breakfast was about ten minutes away when he went back into the bedroom.

 His neighbour was wrapped up like a jacket potato. It was… cute.

 “So, what were you going to ask?” he prompted, sitting on the edge of the bed and resting a hand on what he assumed was her hip.

 Her lips pursed for a moment, but then she gave him a nervous smile.

 “Um, why does this place have the same layout as my flat?”

 Shit. He’d lucked out before, but— yes. He’d lucked out, and still was lucking out really.

 “Where else would your neighbour live?”

 Her brows drew into a frown.

 “I… suppose?” she paused. “...Am I doing this?”

 “Doing what?”

 She wriggled out an arm and motioned around.

 “Making it like this?”

 The suspicion in her voice was worrisome, but nothing a simple lie couldn’t cover. Even if he would prefer to avoid actively voicing them.

 “What were you expecting the afterlife to be like?” he questioned. He’d have to fit her beliefs as much as he could, afterall.

 She looked at him with less confusion and more like he was a bit thick.

 “Nothing. I’m an atheist, remember? This is all a surprise.”

 “You really have no preconceived notions of the afterlife?”

 “Now you’ve taken hell off the table? No.”

 Did that mean he could tell her whatever he wanted… and she’d believe it?

 “I don’t know much myself,” he began, gently rubbing her hip through the duvet. “Normally when I take people to the hereafter, it’s a swift affair.”

 “Tha-that sounds about right,” she agreed, not a hint of suspicion in her.

 Yeah, the truth was the best lie, wasn’t it?

 “But what I do know is that when someone dies by a human hand, their afterlives are picking up where they left off.”

 Data point of one, but did that really even matter? It was true, his truth.

 Fear hit her like a tonne of bricks, eyes already beginning to get shiny with tears.

 She sat up in a scramble and grabbed at his t-shirt.

 “Please don’t. I’m begging you, please don’t send me back.”

 The punch to his gut of guilt took him by surprise, forcing an instinctual response.

 He wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to his chest.

 “Never.”

 She sniffled into his shirt.

 “Promise?”

 He pulled back and tipped her chin so they could meet eye to eye.

 “No need. You don’t want your life, but I do. And I don’t give up what’s mine easy.”

 It was as that statement left his mouth he realised how fucked up it was. How it would scare her away, back into a life she hated.

 His arms twitched, ready to pin her to him at the slightest sign of an escape attempt.

 She stared at him blankly for a few moments before she broke into a nervous smile.

 “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, I suppose.”

 Relief washed over him and he allowed himself a small smile.

 “That’s right, you’re my treasure.”

 A nervous smile became an embarrassed blush.

 “But… I don’t even know what to call you.”

 What should he tell her to call him? Because whatever it was, it would be forever.

 There was really only one option.

 “Simon.”

[horsesource]

I guess that is what drives me crazy about us speaking/masking autistics. There are plenty of nonspeaking/non-masking autistics whose semiosis cannot be successfully recuperated by a semiotics of power. And I think if there is any revolution to autistic flows it has to be with them. Because with speaking autistics who identify as autistic, they're begging to be recuperated! The a-signifying flows of autism are captured (enthusiastically!) and it becomes a rote deadening--"you feel uncomfortable in the gaze of another? you wiggle your foot? that's your autism." Everyone rehearses the signs of autism and how to detect them. Autistic flows can be “breathing spaces”, can be resistant to "the dictatorship of the signifier", but "autism" becomes just another (very convenient) signifier when it turns into "there it is! your autism. now it makes sense." We'd be better off dancing and spitting and humming and exiting or repurposing these technological platforms that hierarchize our semiotic flows instead of trying to detect signs, gestures for meanings of autism in videos posted on said platforms

[steddieficrec]

Some Of My Favorite Smut

more than you bargained for by anonymous

(1/1 I 2,432)

"Mike leans in closer, forehead almost touching the door, just in time to hear Steve shushing the girl gently. He gathers her curls with one hand, the other settling around her throat, and pulls–

Their eyes meet.

It’s definitely not a girl.

Eddie Munson stares at him through the tears in his eyes, lips parted in ecstasy as Steve Harrington fucks him within an inch of his life."

OR

Mike kind of regrets staying over at Steve and Eddie's.

#1 crush by pizzabones

(1/1 I 5,713)

"'That was a big sigh. Whatcha thinking about?'

Eddie opens his mouth to say ‘ah nothing’, but he stops himself. Maybe it’s time to let the proverbial embarrassing cat out of the bag and let Steve know just how long he’d wanted this domestic scene with him. He hums, 'You, actually.'"

or

Eddie tells Steve about his long-term crush, Steve tells him a secret of his own.

Somewhere it Hides a Well by teddywesworl

(1/1 I 7,610)

Eddie ducks his head briefly, a gesture that doesn’t quite fit with the guy’s overall image: buzz cut, obvious ink, scars on his jaw. A bunch of his shirt buttons are undone, and Steve can see a white tank and a gold chain underneath.

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “I’m at a shop in Uptown.” It’s rote, sounds sort of disinterested. Steve might think he’s being dismissed if Eddie Munson’s eyes weren’t raking over him, lingering at his jawline, his throat, his hands when he adjusts his cuffs.

Or: At Lumax’s wedding in 2003, slutty bisexual physical therapist Steve sets his eye on inked up tough guy mechanic Eddie and peels away his mask.

sugar hiccup by 02tilt

(1/1 I 9.101)

His fingers brush over a tiny valley on his forearm. A rough, pink divot where a demobat didn’t bite, but— slipped? Or something. It’s interesting, actually, because if he lowers that arm to his side, he can see where that scar leads. Where the thing managed to latch on and rip a chunk out.

If it weren’t invading his dreams and turning him into an insomniac, he’d congratulate it. Good effort, man, but you didn’t get me. Just made me look a little cooler.

He could call someone. That’s an idea. And by someone, well. Who else is missing a few pieces?

The Honey Inside Your Hive (Director's Cut) by biggest_mistake

(1/1 I 10,764)

Steve Harrington is on his own in a big new city and running out of money. The clock is ticking and if he doesn’t find a source of income soon he’ll be forced to admit his father was right when he said Steve couldn’t make it on his own. Desperate, he scours the classifieds and comes across a vague ad promising a big payout for only a few hours of work.

If Steve had been a little more cautious—or a little less proud—maybe he wouldn’t be losing his virginity on camera.

Or: Steve unknowingly auditions for a porno. Eddie’s more than happy to help him get the role—and lose his virginity. Jim’s there to document the occasion.

(It’s a Casting Couch fic.)

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails by pinkiequinn

(1/1 I 15,121)

The Harrington-Wheeler’s have it all. They’re newlyweds. They’ve just moved into a beautiful new apartment. Nancy’s career has taken off. And they are finally, finally starting a family.

But there’s something not quite right with the neighbours. And the building is so cold. And Nancy’s never home.

And Steve’s has been having the strangest dreams.

the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by greatunironic

(5/5 I 34,987)

Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?” Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth.

Are You Flagging? by soidade

(17/17 I 40,991)

“Look, I’m just asking, okay? Not– I don't mean anything by it. But, uh.” His eyes darted back and forth, then he leaned in close to Steve. Steve had gotten used to that, kind of. The guy had no concept of personal space. “Are you flagging?” Eddie finally finished.

Steve shook his head slowly, eyes narrowed. He had no idea what that meant. He had no answer. “What?”

Eddie leaned away from Steve, facing forward again and nodding. “Okay, got it. That answers my question. Carry on.”

-------------------------------------------------

A (mostly) innocent question leads Steve Harrington on a journey of self-discovery, friendship, sex, and romance.

flight risk by Ayes, itskleo

(16/16 I 81,324)

Eddie Munson is famous for giving his bodyguards the slip. Enter Steve Harrington. Has this bratty rock star finally met a babysitter that can keep up with him?

[ladytauria]

[jaytim] proven suspicions

Pairing: Tim Drake/Jason Todd Rating: Teen Words: 4k

Jason has a little surprise for Tim. It doesn't quite go as planned.

Content Warning: Warnings for mrpeg and also mentions of needles & some brief needle phobia from Jason in the first scene. It's fairly non-graphic, but still! Take care of yourselves <3

Thank you to @deepwithintheabyss for reading over the initial draft & suggesting the changes that made this twice as long xDD

>> AO3 <<

Jason had always heard that bonding hormones were intense, but hearing about it was entirely different from experiencing it. Even now, a month after their mating, there is something wrong about not having his alpha near him. Something that leaves him unsettled, his skin prickling and his senses on high alert.

He exhales slowly and readies a needle and syringe. The smell of alcohol burns his nose. A tourniquet digs painfully into his bicep, making his veins stand stark against his skin. He lines the needle up with one.

The sight of it against his skin makes bile ride up in his throat. It takes effort to keep his hands steady. Being the one in control makes it easier in some ways, but he hates having to look. It’s almost enough to make him wish he had asked Tim to do it, or reached out to one of the few others he trusts.

Only almost, though.

Jason suppresses a flinch as the needle pierces his skin. He draws back the plunger, watching as the barrel fills with blood. There’s a second pinch as he slips the needle from his vein before he sets the syringe aside in favor of bandaging the wound and pulling off the tourniquet. He rolls his shoulder—wiggles his fingers. Then he disposes of the needle, and rises to his feet.

Despite the enormity of what he's looking for, the steps of performing the analysis are rote. Prepare the sample. Double, even triple check that the machine is on and seems to be functioning properly. Run the samples. Then wait for results.

Juice and a granola bar wait for him at his desk. His hands only shake a little when he tears open the bar.

Everything has changed so much over the last few weeks. The bond still feels funny, curled in his chest. He wants to poke it—prod at it. Settles for physically rubbing over his chest instead. Tim is busy right now, catching up on the backlog of emails that came through during their month together. Jason doesn't want to attract his attention.

He wants to surprise him.

The last month has provided them with plenty of time to spend together. The first week had been spent scenting and biting and fucking and curling up in each other’s arms, but after that— There had been talking. So much talking. About their lives, both inside and outside of the mask, and about their hypothetical future.

They’d argued, too. God, did they argue. The kind that would normally have Jason storming off after, to cool his head or blow something up. Or both. Instead, the bond left them stuck together. He couldn’t go anywhere, not really. The best they could do was sit in separate rooms for as long as they could bear it, and then…

Well.

Every time they talk, Jason can feel the feeling behind Tim’s words. His intention, if only vaguely. He can also feel the way his own words land. Every flinch, every wince Tim tries to hide—Jason can feel it all. He knows Tim now, intimately, in a way he never did before. It makes arguing more difficult, and the anger hard to sustain, especially once they’re separated and all Jason wants to do is curl back up in Tim’s arms.

They could have ignored the issues. The hormones would wear off eventually, allowing them to shut the bond down for longer periods of time, and actually separate. But… both of them were stubborn bastards, and Jason had a pup to think of besides, so. One way or another, they would hash things out.

Jason’s not naive enough to think a month is going to fix everything, but… he’s hopeful. Hopeful enough that he hadn't wanted to put off telling Tim about his pregnancy any longer. He just wants to be certain, first.

Not that he doesn't trust his instincts. He does. He just likes being able to back them up with concrete data.

Besides, having actual, printed off proof will be better to surprise Tim with. He could make a nice, romantic thing out of it. Home-cooked meal, candles, sparkling juice. Throw Tim off the scent by teasing him about his not-quite being twenty-one, the results tucked away in a card to give him before dessert.

A quiet, intimate celebration of their bonding and a pregnancy announcement all in one.

Or, maybe, he could just leave the results on the table, propped up so they catch Tim's attention, and wait for him in the nest. Less effort, maybe, but also less time spent keeping his hands to himself. Less time for the nerves to build, too.

He sighs softly; the desk chair tipping back slightly as he leans back. Reflexively, he checks his phone.

Ten minutes down, one hundred and ten to go.

>> AO3 <<

[abc-masterranger]

Gasmasken können manchem schon allein vom Anblick her den Angstschweiß auf die Stirn treiben. Im Zodiac ist das Tragen von Gasmasken auch nicht so ganz ohne, ist sie doch durch die Zodiac-Jacke gesichert (rote Pfeile). Trägt man noch einen Helm, der seinerseits mit einem Riemen gesichert ist (gelbe Pfeile), ist man qasi noch zusätzlich in der Gear gefangen. Aber das ist ja noch nicht alles: Zodiac-Jacke und Zodiac-Hose werden mit Rund-um-Schürzen mit einander verwurstelt. Dan trägt man vielleicht noch Ellbogenschützer, die Splitterschutzweste, auf jeden Fall noch einen Rucksack mit weiterer Grundausausrüstung, wie Getränke oder die Filterbatterie.

Damit ist man endgültig in der Gasmaske gefangen!

Sich von der zu befreien, würde bedeuten, konzentriert und in Ruhe all die Dinge von sich ablegen, Jacke und Hose auseinanderzuwursteln und die Jacke wie einen Pullover abzuziehen - erst dann kommt man an die Gasmaske heran. Unter Bedingungen von Platzangst ein fast unmögliches Unterfangen. Erst recht, wenn man tatsächlich die Maske vollkotzen würde (auch ohne Platzangst).

Daher habe ich immer einen Dolch griffbereit dabei: notfalls die Maske vom Gesicht schneiden.

[yourheartonfire]

"Well, isn't this a pretty picture."

The protagonist jolted up to - oh no. Jolted up from where they'd fallen asleep on the floor of the backshelves, books and notes scattered around them like some kind of nerd bomb had gone off. And the antagonist, their old rival, was standing over them, lamp in hand and that same stupid sneer on their face.

"Shit. I mean..." The protagonist shook their head, trying to clear the cobwebs. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here now," the antagonist said with narrowed eyes. "Which you'd know if you bothered to keep up with changes in your staff. The real question is what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be throwing a diplomatic reception or issuing royal commands or snoozing in the royal sheets?"

"You want a command?" The protagonist pushed themselves up. It was easy to put on the imperious mask when they were so tired and so irritated. "Help me clean this up. Then forget you saw me. Think you can handle that, Second Aide to Librarian?"

The antagonist's face was a study. But they put down the lamp with only a small whunk. "Yes, Your Majesty," they said and started scooping up books into a pile. The protagonist choked back a yawn as they sorted their scrawled pages of notes into piles. For a few moments they worked side by side in silence, the protagonist ignoring the looks the antagonist kept directing to the back of their head.

"I'm sorry... for your loss," the antagonist said stiffly. "I know you were close to Dax."

"Thank you," the protagonist said. It was a rote response now.

"The kingdom of Sterztan?" the antagonist said, rather more tentatively as they glanced at the title. "Don't you have people now to be experts for you?"

"Oh yes." The protagonist folded their notes into a neat stack. "The ambassador to Sterztan is one of my greatest allies on the council. And this morning she looked us all in the face and assured us that Sterztan would never pose a challenge to our metals imports."

The antagonist's brow wrinkled. Their fingers twitched towards the pages in their hands. "But... half Sterztan's economy is based on their silver trade."

"I know." The protagonist rubbed. "So my ally is either an idiot or a liar. Not the kind of research I can outsource to a secretary."

"Ah." The antagonist put down their books on a an empty shelving cart. "So of course you became hyper-obsessed over this and snuck off to waste a night researching something you already knew about Sterztan's economy."

"I didn't sneak anywhere," the protagonist snapped. "I am the crown-"

Abruptly the antagonist moved. Suddenly the protagonist found themselves crowded up against the shelves, the antagonist towering over them. "The crown," they said, "without their guards."

"How dare you!" The protagonist shoved the antagonist back. "Are you insane?"

"Are you?" The antagonist grabbed another book off the floor angrily. "You're our ruler now. I expect you to at least make better use of your time."

"But this is the only thing I'm good at!" the protagonist wailed. The antagonist froze in a half-crouch but the protagonist couldn't stop. Exhaustion and the unfairness of all it was too much. "I'm not supposed to be ruling anything; I was supposed to be here, doing research for Dax while he dealt with all the politics and rituals and lies-"

"Hey, hey, hey." The antagonist was crowding up against them again. But this time it felt... supportive? A warm hand on their back as the protagonist gasped for air through the panicked sobs. "You've got this."

"I really don't," the protagonist moaned. "God, I wish I were you. No that's not true. But I wish I had your job."

"There you go, that sounds more like you." The antagonist tugged at the protagonist's arm insistently, until the two were sitting side by side on the floor. "Okay. I'm going to write you a report."

"I already figured out the Sterztan thing," the protagonist sighed.

"Not about that. About every stupid mistake every great sovereign we've ever had made in their first year as the crown."

The protagonist wiped their nose on their sleeve. "That sounds horrible."

"It will be. But," the antagonist scooted closer. Their hand was still rubbing circles into the protagonist's back. It was weirdly soothing. "My point is that every great sovereign starts out green."

"Green like inexperienced, or green like constantly feeling that you're going to throw up?" the protagonist muttered.

The antagonist grabbed their hand. "I'm saying that once you compare where you are now against where our other sovereigns were in their first year, you're going to see that you're actually doing all right. I'm not going to lie, you're doing a lot better than I thought you would be."

The protagonist huffed a tired laugh. "That sounds... like a nice theory. Got the data to back it up?"

The antagonist quirked their lip. Not quite the same sneer. "Are you ordering up some midnight research?"

The protagonist hauled themselves to their feet. "Nope. You volunteered. I'll expect that report on my desk by tomorrow. That is, tomorrow tomorrow," they added. "Not in - oh, god, in six hours."

"Go to bed," the antagonist said, picking themselves up too. "Good night."

The report was on the protagonist's desk in 10 hours.