#Right Away! as a good sign.
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I’m definitely gonna miss you, but I think I finally trust we’re at a place where things are secure well enough for hopefully continued growth as friends, and it’s that insecurity I find unbearable, not the absence itself.
See you in a month. (Have fun. Enjoy your reconnection. Be safe.)
#tiger’s musings#if it ever came to it I could roll with long distance#prolly ‘cause that’s like. how ALL of my close friendshils are. literally penpals.#it’s the insecurity of trying to form friendships (and then have THAT spaced out over time) that makes me into a mess#but if the relationship is secure. it feels mutual. it feels like there mutual desire&potential for eachother’s company and growth#then…? yeah. actually I’m fine. ofc I want more time. but also? I know I can trust now so I can hold.#and…idk. I’m going to take his eyes lighting up and rambling for a second in Shop then kinda zoning out to read the script I handed him#Right Away! as a good sign.#(and…yeah. letting someone else see your art. inviting them to participate with feedback. he’s an artist himself. I think he Gets It)#(you don’t really do that Unless you value someone and their opinion)#(and I’m pretty sure by now he values mine)#(so…okay. I took the step to Show something of myself (and where I want us to go. if he’s interested))#(I want to be seen as a peer. not someone pitied but Genuinely Concerned And Seems Kind&Helpful Enough)#(…I want a partner in crime lol)
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"TOMORROW'S A NEW DAY" 😭💕✨️ THERE'S HOPE PEOPLE. i mean..... i already knew that, but still! THERE'S HOPE!! THEY'RE GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!!! 🥹🫶
#carly lb the rookie#the rookie#7x01#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you know me so well#listen listen listen....#it may not happen right away.....#BUT IF THAT LINE ISN'T A SURE SIGN THAT THEY'LL FIND THEIR WAY BACK TO EACH OTHER BY THE END OF THIS SEASON IDK WHAT IS#oh i am SO!!! optimistic about how this is about to play out it's gonna be so good
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fr tho @staff why are you trying to make tumblr more like other sites why are you destroying your niche in the market please there have got to be ways to make tumblr more accessible to new users without sacrificing the very things that your existing userbase loves
#its a genuine problem... I have had friends sign up for tumblr and then not use it because they dont know how to navigate non-algorithmic sm#but come on. there have got to be ways to build up the onboarding process so that people learn how to search for blogs + content#and/or ways to create separate contained algorithmic feeds OR to create the option to turn the algorithmic feed off like it is rn#and honestly I do think tumblr's focus should be more on 'how do we convince people non-algorithmic is good'#rather than 'how do we become algorithmic'#there's gotta be a whole angle in there right??? something like emphasizing that on tumblr you find the content YOU want#not the content we want you to want#also the whole thing about drawing in new creators. have they talked to existing creators??????? bc I dont know that they want algorithms#i dont know I just think tumblr will never be able to do the algorithm better than sites like FB or tik tok or even twitter#so if they try to become algorithmic they will fail to meet the standards of new users AND they will drive away the existing userbase#its a bad look. this is your niche. play to it. thats marketing 101
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all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults
you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something
#yeah i have netflix on all day#i am quite literally signed off of work for the -rest of my life-#what the fuck else would you like me to do with my time when most people are in fact at work#or did you think i can't have the tv on and put laundry away at the same time or something#must i work on commissions on silence in a dour room to be perceived as an adult#anyway 'looking after yourself/your home/your pet' is not observable#to anybody who doesn't like ACTUALLY live in your house#unless you are extremely obviously NOT doing it#if a tree falls in a forest etc#owning a house? job. like not even 'in this economy? lol'#disabled people LITERALLY can't because we aren't allowed to have enough savings for a deposit#car? would you honestly trust me with a vehicle lol but also: job#you mostly cannot buy a car without one it's a requirement for the lease#otherwise you aren't 'trusted' to pay it on time#incidentally most landlords will also - perfectly legally - refuse to rent to you because you are going to be unreliable with the rent#which is being paid directly by the gov anyway like take your trust issues up with them bro#a family? if i get married or cohabit with a partner my income gets sliced in half#so to support even myself let alone a child would require. drumroll please. employment#savings? adults have savings right? yeah but unlike you i have a gov enforced cap on mine#'good furniture not shit from ikea' (someone has remarked that ikea furniture is 'college dorm-y' it's going here)#i mean do i have to say it
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Every year around my annual review at work I get NAUSEATING (yet baseless) anxiety that I’m gonna be fired
My review is tomorrow but I had an unrelated meeting with my manager this morning where we talked about new projects that will take place over the next few weeks. So I guess if we are planning ahead I don’t need to worry so much about being axed tomorrow
#worse things have happened but it seems unlikely right!#she also keeps talking about my marathon (over six months away) and how excited she is so. that’s a good sign right#I don’t know where this particular fear came from I guess it’s just part of my general anxiety#I read something the other day that said ‘you can’t get in trouble with another adult’ and it rewired me tbh#I am always so afraid of being in trouble. for what? with who? I’m an adult I can’t be in trouble with anyone 😤😤😤
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#on Friday one of my students was like 'are you a swiftie' and i said yes#and this one boy was like i have never heard you mention her#and i gave myself a mental high five for my own restraint#i have really tried to tamp down on that this year because things just get out of hand too fast otherwise#then of course 6th period came around and my defenses were gone and it was Friday and several students were gone#so I spoke on her and what I believed her legacy would be lol#and then I felt really bad about that decision :((((( for some reason#the kids loved it. but that is no sign that it was the right call!#anyway still reflecting#i did love that the student didn't know#i really want to be restrained both in general but especially about Taylor in my professional setting#and just. not be opening myself up to needless barbs about her but also not alienating people?#i HATE alienating people i want to reach all of them and the less I have standing in my way the better#so kind of constantly diffusing what threatens to blow up out of proportion#is like. half of my job#another student asked me immediately afterwards if i liked Kanye and i said gently that i did not know Kanye's music so i couldn't tell him#but like. i'm not getting into it you know? i'm not getting into the Taylor Culture Wars or whatever. I will not fan the flames of that#with students especially. but also i do care about her she's such a real part of my heart and my outlook#that sometimes I feel compelled to speak!#and just let them know what's going on in my heart#but yeah. as with many feelings relating to Taylor i often feel bad or foolish immediately afterwards for being vulnerable#kind of no position more vulnerable than taking the side of a millionaire pop star that people love to hate on#kidding!!! but I mean it's not wholly untrue#i like to think i try to move the space of the conversation immediately into something both grounded and relevant#when I do bring her up. and hopefully away from the worst bits of the inflammatory nature of Taylor discussions.#i hope it's healing for somebody/does any good.#but i have no way of knowing#i'm just rambling. it's saturday night and i had half a very strong drink#so my mind's just mulling.
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EYYYYYYYYY I have returned with more ideas
Legacy being unable to talk in that form + an s/o who knows Sign Language.
No no, hear me out.
He's only mimicking his s/o at first, not knowing their hand motions are signs, for communication. I have this fluffy image in mind of his s/o laughing when they notice him signing back without knowing the meaning. You know, mirroring as a love language. Like cats do – it's more of an instinct thing. And now you just have to teach him, because a. him signing with big claws is adorable, b. you want him to understand what you're signing and c. you wanna give him the chance to communicate back too!!!
Now I am very curious WHAT Legacy would "verbalise" when given the proper way to communicate.
Would it be just concepts and feelings at first? Like, absentmindedly signing "love love love" while cuddling half asleep? With proper practice, would he be able to clumsily string together sentences...? Like, excitedly hijacking Childe just to say hi and to recount how their day has been?
Would he fiddle with troublesome signs? Would he sign your name when he's away and missing you??????
Augggggghhhhhhhhhh there's moreeee
I personally imagine memories are difficult to be shared between both Legacy and Childe, but muscle memory definitely is (you know, because fighting and survival instincts and stuff, I think it makes sense). So it would be very very funny if Childe ever surprises himself with accidentally signing a response instead of saying it and pretty much going "??????".
Pfff– realising you've only ever taught Legacy and not Childe but he still ended up learning it too is going to be so stupidly hilarious when it hits.
OH MY MOON AND STARS DID YOU READ MY MIND? i've loved the thought of Foul Legacy learning sign language for years ehhhehehehhe
your fluffy Abyss monster doesn't know what your signing means, not at first, but he still admires how fluidly and quickly your hands move! sometimes you'll greet him with both words and sign language, either to practice or out of instinct, and before long he begins mimicking the motions back to you. he doesn't know what they signify, but your face absolutely lights up whenever he signs to you, and your smile means more than almost anything to Legacy. when you start teaching him it's by holding his claws with your hands and guiding them into the correct positions, hearing his purrs all the while- the first word he intentionally signs to you is "snuggles?", with a tilted head and pleading look in his pretty blue eye. he'll sign the word "love" and then point at you, bumping his forehead against your cheek and hooking his claws on your sleeves until you understand and sign it back to him
Foul Legacy practices signing when you're away at work!! it's mostly idle conversations to himself or single words when he sees something he likes... but some days he's lonely. some days he misses you so much that his heart feels like it's being stabbed and all he wants to do is cuddle with you underneath several blankets. but you're not here right now, so he just signs "miss you, miss you, miss you" until you finally come home and he darts over to scoop you into his arms. only when he's curled around you does he nudge your cheek, slowly signing "miss you" with a quiet whine before giving your hand a gentle nibble, and your heart just shatters- you're definitely working from home tomorrow
oh Childe DEFINITELY ends up randomly signing words that he doesn't even understand, and while it's all fine and dandy with you, since you CAN understand them, it's less fine when he accidentally does it in response to his subordinates. most of them just stare at him awkwardly before clearing their throats, asking if he heard them- but occasionally whoever he's talking to will be fluent in sign language like you are and excitedly ask if he knows it as well. honestly Childe feels really guilty about having to say no, so next time he visits you he takes your hands and firmly requests that you teach him sign language as well. if anything, it's a good communication tool to have- he is a Harbinger, after all!
also because he KNOWS you and Foul Legacy have been talking about him teasingly in sign language with each other and he wants in
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#chit chat#darling mutuals#ohh but imagine you're away from home and foul legacy is staying with zhongli and he's in distress and wants you#and zhongli asks him what's wrong and all legacy can do is cry and sign your name#and zhongli can understand but he can't do anything because you're away right now#and when you come back foul legacy clings to you and signs 'don't go don't leave stay here' repeatedly#you have to stay by his side for a few days#short scenario#other's stuff#good evening :)#FAVE
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my dog might die tonight
my mom's depressed and emotionally exhausted, to the point she slurs her words and feels like a zombie most days
has said to my face she doesn't want to fix it
that soon her mom will die and me and my sister are grown so...
we don't need her
and my dog's old and sick
in pain
at the vet getting oxygen and medication
to see if he'll make it through the night
and thank god he's there, so he doesn't have to suffer
but he's not next to us
he might die alone away from us
i think there's some poetic bullshit there
he would die in pain by our side
but he has a chance to survive away from us
and if he doesn't make it till the next day he'll die alone, but without pain
i just want to take everyone's pain away
but I can't
i can't fix it
it's not up to me
i can't do shit
#i was already expecting it#my dog's old#and he hasn't been well for a while now#it's fine#just want him to go in peace#i'd like it if he was comfortable near the people he loves#but like as long as he isn't in pain i'm happy#it's everything else that's making me have a breakdown#i was already tired and mentally unwell before learning WHY my mom had been like this#when she finally fessed up about the depression/exhaustion it took away the weight of not knowing how or why she got like that#but it's not easy hearing your mom basically says she wants to die#don't worry my sister already scheduled an appointment with a psychologist for her#she also got tests done to see if she had signs of dementia and shit#and she's working where i am right now#and i can see how hard it is for her#but i can't do much to help her#and i can see how everyone else is kind of done with her#but she isn't incompetent...she's smart and a good worker#but her brain is fucking cooked and i dont think she should be working#by now i'm literally just venting#in the tags#and just ignore this#ignore me#this was just a long time coming#everything is fine#mine
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so i'm writing an 8th year fic and h&d are taking a muggle studies class together in which they read one of shakespeare's plays, and i'm trying to write a final project (for which they are partners) but like. hogwarts academics don't seem all that uhhhhh rigorous to me (like we see the students complaining about having to write a foot of parchment which is essentially ONE PAGE HANDWRITTEN) and i'm a little worried that my assignment is too rigorous.
it involves a lot of like. thinking analytically and using your imagination wrt the motivations of people unlike yourself, and that's not rlly something they do much at hogwarts as far as i can see. BUT it is muggle studies, and like. they could definitely all use some practice at those skills, following the recent implosion of their society.
#i showed it to my spouse who is a hs teacher#'where are they getting the books for this research? are there wizarding books about macbeth?' no there are not#the professor chose macbeth bc it has these concepts that will be familiar to them like witchcraft and prophesy#but presented from a muggle perspective#and also bc shakespeare is foundational to english literature and culture and it's good to be familiar with his work#and also bc they don't have a lot of experience with art esp language arts which is so so so sad and this will broaden their world#and ALSO bc shakespeare wrote before the statute of secrecy was signed which hopefully sparks their imaginations#to what extent might shakespeare's work have been impacted by ambient magic? or rumors of magic?#and if they had like a regular english literature education#they could talk about like the role of outcasts in shakespeare's work and whether magical people fit into that role#but they do not so we have to be a bit more literal#for the students that are prepared to like dig into this stuff it could be a very engaging experience#but most of them will prob be a bit lazy with it right? and maybe just resent the assignment and not get much out of it#and like!!!!#this assignment is literally just an excuse to have H&D putting their heads together in the library#and bring their relationship/the fact that they've been warming up to each other and spending time together out into the open#in a plausible deniability sort of way#a friendship soft launch if you will#i get a little carried away about these details sometimes#like if i mention the characters getting sandwiches i will look up menus for places they could plausibly have gotten sandwiches in that are#to make sure the sandwiches i mention are reasonable sandwiches#i heard some dumb story about meghan markle freaking out about not being able to get avocado when she was in the uk#and i remembered a fic i had written where aziraphale and crowley eat egg and avocado sandwiches#and i felt ashamed#an implausible sandwich!!!!
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i have this situation where i love talking about the queer experience particularly in the gender way, as nebulously as possible, when it comes to some sort of broader view or Other People's Experiences making Sense to me
but when i try to kind of face my own gender and thoughts i get like. scared and embarrassed to just Say It, i always have. the they/them out for may/hem jokes are one thing, but talking about my own raw and varied experience of not fitting into the binary, no matter how much i completely respect, support, and cheer on others experiences with it, its so... embarrassing. i cant face my own body a lot of the time. i hardly want anything to do with any gender most of the time, but the rest of the world operates with it really quite forthwith, and like. you can only ignore it so hard, where you fit in, or where you DON'T. where you never hardly ever see anyone else feel quite the way you do, so you feel like you're fake and invalid or doing transgender wrong 😭 (everyone else is fine and right and in charge of their life courageously though)
constantly in a push and pull of relaxing and letting myself find and affirm my identity as i best can with where im at physically, mentally, but also feeling very isolated and even shut down or shunned. the world feels like a box that gets smaller while i feel like the box shouldnt even exist at all sometimes, like it isnt that hard to just keep open and treat it like its just as plain a fact as the grass is green the sky is blue instead of something to pick apart or criticize...
im queer but im queer wrong sometimes, socially. and since im queer wrong sometimes socially, my lived-experience being queer isnt really valid due to being contrarian and so i shouldnt have much to say or have any valid reflections of the experiences around me!!! <-(feelings not reality, but important feelings to be worked through and understood and soothed, which can be difficult when relating or socializing comes with a difficulty increaser!!!!)
#skelly speaks#hfdjg i might delete this im not sure if it sounds too negative!#i dont mean it to be too terribly negative but it IS on my mind.#its a good sign i think that im thinking about these things so much though#im not exactly in the closet but i cant ever really go Back Into It Again now that ive gotten to where i am you know#and thats all just gender queer things! thats not the second punch of being asexual and feeling weird about that!!!#its so good to be honest with myself. i need these conversations!!!#i need to face these discomforts and evaluate them!!!#i have to make my decisions on them. in like. time not like Right Away but you know fjdj#why do i struggle with my body sometimes? why do i like my binder some days and feel horrible about it others?#why am i afraid of hrt? why do i wish i could also try it!#i think my ideals for my body are not realistic! but what are some things i could consider that could help?#intense introspection. its very scary! its also okay.
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#oof I already signed the new lease agreement#which is good because it means I can finally apply for a rent subsidy#but oooof the buyers regret is hitting me hard you guys#am I going to regret moving away from this amazing location that I unfortunately can’t afford anymore? YOU BET YOUR ASS#will I be better off financially in the new place? AGAIN. YOU BET YOUR ASS#am I upset with my current landlady for calling me selfish and saying I can’t move out unless I pay for two months in advance#so that she can have her mortgage paid for while she looks for a new tenant that fits her extremely picky standards?#ALSO YOU BET YOUR ASS.#Am I going to have to eat whatever’s available at the food pantry for two months so I can afford paying rent to her AND to my new landlords#AGAIN. YOU BET YOUR ASS.#N I HATE THIS ENTIRE SITUATION AND THERE’S SO MUCH GIVE AND TAKE AND I WANT TO JUST BUY AN RV SO THAT IT’S AT LEAST SOMETHING I OWN MYSELF#why have we allowed things to get this bad. why do most of the people in my immediate circle seem to be stuck right in the middle#of the ‘find out’ part of someone else’s ‘fuck around’ era?#why couldn’t I have been good enough at some random skill to monetise it#Not athletic enough to be a prof. sportsman not talented enough to be a prof. singer actor artist dancer or musician#I was doomed to be mediocre and draw mediocre art and sing mediocre songs and play mediocre sports#and get a degree in a mediocre field so I couldn’t even find a mediocre job#fuuck#ugh my chest is hurty sned hlep
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BREAKING NEWS i said yeah on the phone and rascal meowed back at me from across the room hehe
#ALSO. PARENTS JUST INFORMED ME WE MAY BE ADOPTING/FOSTERING A DOG#IT'S SUPER SHORT NOTICE BC HE'S A SHELTER GUY AND HE'S SET TO BE EUTHANIZED SOON#IM. FREAKING OUT I WANNA MEET HIM SO BAD I WANT THE DETAILS BUT IM ON CAMPUS RN#8 MONTH OLD SHEPHERD MIX (not sure what kind of shepherd but ig probably german?). IM COMIN TO GET YOU#this may mess with my 'what if we got a cat after my senior dogs are gone' idea but. but oupy dog#god i love dogs so much uaughhh.... im getting my hopes up so much you guys don't even know#i mean they wouldn't tell us only to say no right#update they are going to meet him + tomorrow we'll bring our dogs and the whole family to meet him#assuming my mom's allergies don't act up around him#but he looks and seems so sweet and goofy and weirdly gentle which is good bc sometimes shepherds can be a bit rough#and that's also good bc like. we have two senior dogs and we don't want him to stress them out or injure them by being a puppy all over them#one of the shelter videos respectfully pans away as he squats to take a shit which is very charming to me#but yeah i really really hope it works out bc like. he seems like such a guy + i love animals So So Much + i don't think anyone else would#swoop in in time if we don't. our shelter is perpetually full and they're a kill shelter#and im choosing not to think about the possibility of us not at least fostering him for the time being#bc i need to keep working and thinking I Killed This Dog By Not Somehow Forcing My Parents Into It is not going to help that#and i have no reason to believe it Will go wrong. all signs point to good atm so im going to trust that#even if it means i eventually get charlie brown footballed by my dogs hating him or something
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i may be a zen as FUCK person
#away from home i am naturally chill and don't freak out or lose my temper or anything.. also i am so polite and know how to talk to people .#btw. real not clickbait. i am NORMAL🎉🎉🎉#and i can handle situations. and people don't hate me and aren't put off by me right off the bat#i feel like i should have at least 5-10 people sign off on this to confirm but i'll just believe it like a big old fool who just#believes things because it feels good#👍#kata.txt
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So funny that this thing I’ve wanted for 10 years is finally just out of reach and suddenly waiting a week is too long
#3 days now#still don’t know if my dr will actually let me start hrt#trying not to get my hopes up#but on the phone call he said he wants to see me in person bc I gotta sign papers and stuff#so that’s a good sign right?#just don’t want to get too excited just to have it ripped away from me#too late for that tho
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😔
#not sure lance would have made it even if he hadn't been injured :(#well we tried! maybe there's a practice squad spot for him?#(i'm not sure when the timeline of deciding that is)#also shedrick!! he had a good camp :( :(#there should definitely be a PS spot for him right??#lance robinson#(i just remembered a story from a while ago on ig where he was giving away his dog!!! to move here!!)#(i hope he can get the dog back 😭)#ja'marr please still sign even though we wavied/injured your childhood friend!!
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Ughhhhhh I may have just accidentally exploded my call of Cthulhu group
#for good fucking reason unfortunately#the gm likes to yell over me and take every genuine question as an attack#and let me roll for things he has no intention of letting me succeed on#and when I succeed just decide to basically pretend I didn’t roll#and I finally called him on it#at which point of COURSE he takes it as a sign to start yelling over me#again#I was trying to be nonconfrontational#but he literally wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise#and so I may have raised my voice a little just to be fucking heard#and my friend who clearly agreed with me but also is really good friends with the gm called it for the night#and now the group is kinda split#I really like this group#but I wish I didn’t get talked over/laughed at by the gm for not understanding something right away#personal#tbd
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