#Really in my feels rn
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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A while ago my dad went with me and I was going to buy some video games and handed up buying them for me. And I'm really mad because I went with the cheaper version without the little booklet in the disc case and I wish I went with the more expensive versions since he was buying it anyway. My father has caused so much destruction in my mom and i's lives that I feel like he owes me financial compensation and I wish I had gotten the version of Halo with the little booklet. Very sad about not having for Halo 3 when I had the option I just chose not to get it because I thought it was going to be my money buying that. I should have just bought it.
#Personal#Really in my feels rn#If anyone has the little booklet for some of the Xbox 360 halos and is getting rid of them I don't know I would take them this sounds#This sounds pathetic#about me#I hate being so poor#out of my 940 some odd dollars a month $300 of that is going to my vet and I've got another 300 going towards the cost of having this car#The good news is with this latest repair one of my friends is probably going to be able to do most of the work for me#I'll still have to pay her but I can pay her a lot less than the Honda dealership wanted and even a little bit less than brakes Plus wanted#Realistically I'll be her income for a little bit because I cannot pay her all at once and she is in the process of applying for disability#And she can't work so me paying her a few hundred dollars every month for six plus months will be some income for her#I would much rather be basically financing with my friends then with brakes Plus
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in spite of everything, I had fun <3
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushikugi#jjk 271#well we made it :'>#im kind of ignoring a lot of the tag rn ghsdff ik people are upset#if u follow me u know th full extent of my thoughts on the wrapping up of the series but tl;dr the caption says it all#this series meant a lot to me and im working on a bigger tribute to fully express that love and gratitude#but take a redraw 2 tide u over for now#im just so happy. its bittersweet but those r my kids n theyre tgt and theyre okay#i think the return to normalcy is good fr them. i say let them rest n b together n process everything in time#/i'm/ satisfied with what i got out of jjk as a whole and that's all that matters to me#however ik that not everyone shares tht sentiment n thats valid!#regardless of how u feel abt the finale i hope that u at least take time to remember things abt the series that brought u joy#thats all i can say#oh yeah anyway i lightened up megumi's expression his face is so funny in that panel i can't believe he really said -_- until the very end#still tho i think megu deserves a content lil smile
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CHAPTER TWO | The Scientific Method
FORGETTABLE-AU (page 73-77)
* His brother is annoying.
[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]
#alahskwj FINALLY#okay so I HAD TO DO HALF OF THE COLORING AND SOME LINEART ON MY TABLET AND IT WAS SOO ANNOYING#BUT!!! I FINISHED!#akshwkdjwj#SAANSS#I missed making him talk with lowercase#It feels like a crime making him use proper capitalization sometimes😔😔😔😔#just wanna clarify#Flowey knows Sans but Sans doesn't know Flowey#Flowey used to reset a LOT when it came to him so#in Sans memory he only know Flowey from that one time he tried to steal their souls and from what Papyrus has told him#He doesn't really trust the guy but#He does trust Papyrus#Flowey is so funny#He is SO bad at not sounding suspicious LMAOO#dumb#I don't know how Sans is using sunglasses either🤩#he's trying to enjoy the sun#he spends a lot of time there lol#QKWGWKDJ#So glad the comic is back but I am SO BUSY rn#I think the next pages might come late too.....#forgettable-au#forgettable-au-comic#undertale au#undertale#sans#flowey#sans undertale#undertale comic
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truly this one's just for me. I can do what I want foreverrr
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#adaine abernant#figueroth faeth#kristen applebees#riz gukgak#gorgug thistlespring#fabian seacaster#việt phục#tbh the thing Im the proudest of in these sets is the skirt hike+áo tấc flap combo. and of course that went to riz lol#will use that again for other things later down the line. for now we play dressup. come play dressup game with me#some of these couldve done with more cookin time maybe... I feel like. for example adaine's gorgug's and fabian's silhouettes are#a bit too similar for my taste#esp. adaine and gorgug. fabian I feel like I just need to make his waist more apparent#and I really like what Ive got with adaine rn... just gotta rethink gorgug#lmao. the dilemma with using áo tấc is it's generally a rectangle#this never stops me however. if I like a guy enough I Will give them a set#it's not about them it's about me. its for me babeyy#also I love the way scabbards are worn in wuxia. like its just dangling back there#guess the amount of fabrics those characters have on mostly immobilize it. just a real good cushion
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ive been rewatching voltron....
#my art#goro akechi#persona 5#shuake#p5r#ren amamiya#persona 5 royal#akeshu#sumire yoshizawa#akira kurusu#yes maybe im considering finishing the love letters klance fic someday#i dont even know if anyone following me / active rn remembers that this used to be a klance blog#blink if you remember klance daily prompts#its so obvious if u ever go through the archive of this blog cause its all still there but it HAS been 4 years#not that im gonna return to klance but i really wana finish that fic i feel bad for having left it unfinished
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She has my whole heart.
#I NEED U GUYS TO LISTEN GO THE FEMININE URGE BY THE LAST DINNER PARTY THE CHORUS IS SO HER OK JUST LISTEN AND SEE MY VISION#jk u dont have go see my vision#i cannot go on a week without drawing her#i WILL feel faint#shes like a really cool rock that im studying#i canny stop studying her rn or get my degree and license revoked#anyway i love cassandra cain#seajjae illustrations#my art#fanart#dccomics#dc fanart#cassandra cain#batgirl#batfam#black bat#orphan
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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Rain - (Demo Ver.)
#cw blood#homestuck#my art#rose lalonde#john egbert#mom lalonde#grimdark rose#I SAID I WAS COMING FOR HER.#Really on a lalonde kick rn#Anyway this song is so completely grimdark rose I AM SICK.#The pipe organ.. the somber and grief stricken feeling. its so good.#Ive neverwacthed cowboy bebop my bad but the soundtrack is so good
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DEMON WALLY DESIGNS! im still working out his design but here’s a general vibe hehehahe as well as some thought provoking sketches... HUUUGE infodump about the design & demon wally au below!
below i explain my choice of representing hindu designs as opposed to christian ones! if you want to skip to the relevant information pertaining to the actual au, jump to the big bold JUMP HERE paragraph!
alright, to address the elephant in the room: no, this isn’t the typical demon/devil design you may be used to! i was originally going to keep within the red-horned pointed tail kind of mythos that generally stems from christianity/christianity aligned concepts, but then i realized i honestly don’t know much about that stuff and don’t really feel qualified to handle it in a narrative. i also know that, especially within the welcome home fandom itself, a lot of people have religious trauma that generally tends to be from various branches of christianity, so i thought this would be an interesting solution: seeing as i know a fair amount about hinduism, wally’s design is inspired by concepts about demons in hindusim in general! that way, it’s easy to write and hopefully refreshing/non-triggering to the audience! also it’s fun!
JUMP HERE: Wally’s design in the demon AU is inspired by Asura in hindu mythology! That’s why he’s got like a billion hands- I’m looking at adding jewellery/a tail/other stuff, but it’ll fall in that general theme. in terms of lore relevancy: asura in hindusim were not strictly evil, which you will find reflected in my story. wally isn’t evil per say; the neighbourhood is his turf, and he will protect it from outside threats. that being said- he is generally self-serving for now and may not always have the best intentions for his fellow neighbours. what his overarching goal is and who exactly his enemy is (as well as Home’s relevancy to the story) is being left to you to discover as the comic goes on! themes of puppetry, where wally darling ends and the asura begins, and stuff like that is left ambiguous for now! puppetry will also play a role in the story, as well as self-awareness and meta themes. hinduism and religion WILL NOT play a role in the story itself. anything i think might need contextualizing will be contextualized in the description of every update; honestly im just pulling the asura elements for Wally’s design and part of his character! this will still be a very accessible comic to people of all backgrounds. if you have any questions or concerns please don’t hesitate to send them to my askbox or leave them in the comments!
#welcome home demon au#welcome home fanart#welcome home comic#welcome home au#welcome home wally#wally darling#wally darling fanart#my art#infodump#hope this isnt too much guys i feel very corny rn HAHA#this isnt really anything serious! just a fun comic i wanted to give context to#i dont see myself doing any more longform info posts like this in the future either btw!#welcome home arg
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some new sad girl guy spring dialogue for sebby!
also bonus bc its summer 13 now and i already gave him a bouquet
#I was at 5 hearts on spring day 23 year 1#as it turns out if you're lucky you can get a ton of flounder really early now to give him a lot of liked gifts#i'm like 99% sure these are new#i dont recall seeing them before with OR without mods#I'm playing without mods rn tho#stardew valley#sebastian stardew valley#sdv spoilers#1.6 spoilers#1.6 update#stardew valley 1.6#sdv 1.6#like every time i've asked seb out before its been 'i cant believe you feel the same way' so like#i'm FAIRLY positive this is new#or i've just never been lucky enough to get alternative dialogue#MY GUYYYYY#depression cw#1k
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💛 The Boi 💛
Hello, hope y'all are doing well! (^^)/ Wanted to make a quick post to let y'all know that my annual January curse has breeched containment and I'm currently in the middle of organizing sudden household repairs and unexpected medical appointments and miscellaneous stress sgdfgh-- 🫠 All that to say: no new video this week while I'm stuck grappling with all of the above sgdfksfd -- but here's a doodle of Heartless in the meantime! I wanna figure out a more solid design for his ghouls 🤔👻
#artists on tumblr#abd illustrates#heartless#It always feel wierd to ask this kind of thing - but if any of y'all would like to help the channel out in this trying time#then going back and rewatching some of my old uploads would genuinely be super helpful 🙏💖#(i say the channel 'cause of how wierd it feels to ask that but rlly it'd be a big help to me fr)#My flat is fully topsy turvy rn and it's been really bonkers trying to get any work done in the midst of sorting out repairs sgfhksdf 🫠#ANYWAY! i hope yalls tuesdays and week in general are going so good 🫵✨#and if they're not! i hope they get better real soon
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Mostly just figuring out how I want to paint him
#I never put him in color#I don’t really like that one portrait I did of him so I’m trying to get better#solas#my art#dragon age#dai#dragon age fanart#fen’harel#I’m in a weird place with my art rn#I feel like I’ve been bored by some of the things I’ve been drawing and I wanna make stuff I’m actually proud of ya know#idkkkkkkkkkkkk
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i am not immune to transmascs in sweatpants and a sleeveless top
im rly fucking weak about it actually
#losing my mind rn#i still can't get over it#💀 i told him aksksksk the prog won buddy my boy my guy i can Not think straight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i look at someone's upper back a little too long then i can't get them out of my head for 2 days is this how it is??!#(。ノω\。) i haven't seen him in a while im not used to how hot he actually is#which is funny bc i distinctly know what he looks like but u ever just see someone irl and you're like AAAAA THEY'RE HOT#⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ ♡ hey ..#my friend how close ur sitting makes my heart feel like it's going to explode but I'm trying to be so cool about it#but also not really 🫠#not anymore!! 😭 i need to let u know
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sanic ✌ for the au perhaps? idk
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#art#digital art#sonic#sth#fanart#ive been getting easily distracted from my aus recently which is horrible#but i guess im just too ambitious all the time and get scared -_-#idk ive been feeling really bad about drawing lately i just dont really feel good about any of my drawings rn#like i like this one but idk i just dont feel excited about it...#idk what to do abt it#id like to get into one of my aus for once#but i just feel nothing rn..#OK WAHTEVERRR this was a cool pose#so i gave him so shoes to go with it
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,
#sorry it’s how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancy…#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasn’t really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesn’t look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesn’t react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn don’t like that you feel bad I am going…#to…………. ssssssssssit here about it…………………………….. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I don’t want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings either which is……………. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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