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hotgirltarot · 3 years ago

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Pick-a-Card: What will be a major obstacle this Mercury Retrograde ☿ and how can you overcome it? 🐆🐝🐬

What's good, Baddies? Welcome to another Pick-A-Card! This PAC is about what the upcoming Mercury Retrograde (September 27th- October 18th) will bring up for you and how to handle it.

Pile 1: Cheetah 🐆 - Pile 2: Bee 🐝 - Pile 3: Dolphin 🐬

To pick a pile, you can meditate, intuitively choose one or pick whichever crystal is calling out to you. This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Please only take what resonates & leave what does not. If you like your reading and want to support our page, tips are appreciated at $DejaWash19 on Cashapp or Deja-Washington on Venmo!

Reblog to help others master mercury retrograde!

Pile 1: Cheetah 🐆

Pile 1 is for the people who are most comfortable in situations where they are in control. They thrive in their own world while feeling lost when they are outside of it. One major theme of this Mercury retrograde will be your relationships with others. Your connection to others, whether it be friendships, business partners, relationships or marriage will be affected. Any major issues or tensions from the past that you or they may have swept under the rug will be brought to the light. You must ask yourself: Am I feeling disconnected from any people in my life? Am I growing away from limiting relationships? Are my relationships an even push and pull? Are the people in my life bringing value to me? Mercury retrograde is here show you that you have been living in an illusion in some of your personal relationships. No more time for empty conversations or entertaining people that are not on the same vibration as you; this is a time of evolution and transformation.

We are picking on 2 types of energies:

1. Some people who need a person as a reason for them to grow, because they don't think they deserve to be their own priority. You have to do things in life for yourself, if you choose to heal for someone so that you can have a better relationship with them won't work. You have to do it for yourself because you are worthy enough to be the reason and you care about yourself enough. Waiting for someone to guess what you're going through and come and save you from your mind will make you lose hope. 2. Some people who give up human interaction and just isolate. You need to be more open and interact with people, don't give up as soon as something doesn't go the way you planned. Some things require time to grow especially when it comes to relationships/friendships. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't choose to isolate yourself and let others' emotions, opinions about you stop you from all the beautiful things that you are capable of achieving in this lifetime.

You have the power to change. Don’t dwell on the past or on what could have been. Look forward and keep going; it’s not over yet. Just because some people may leave your life, doesn’t make your life any less fulfilling. Life continues and you are being given the opportunity to grow, experience new things, and evolve. After it is all said and done, you will realize that the people that have left your life brought little or no value to you at all. You are not meant to be a follower in this lifetime; you are a leader, a visionary, an artist, and a dreamer. Your Spiritual Team wants you to know that you are protected, divinely guided and it's safe for you to share your art/ideas & yourself with the world. All you have to do is to gather the courage to pave a new path for yourself and trust your visions before they become reality. Don’t look for outside validation for your work or creative projects, allow them to just exist. When you allow the negative Nancies and keyboard critics to impact your self-worth, it takes the joy out of creating. A major piece of advice is to be bold during this mercury retrograde. Follow your heart and emotions and listen to what your gut is telling you about the people in your life. Avoid being reckless, but show the world what you’re made of!

Pile 2: Bee 🐝

Pile 2 is for the people who are sometimes so trusting in their spirituality that they forget to also be practical. This mercury retrograde will show you the importance of having practicality & reality instead of just having your head in the clouds. This retrograde will force you to make more effort to move towards your goals and the more practical steps you can take, the better. It’s time to find an inner balance between your dreams and your responsibilities. Taking responsibilities means cleaning up your messes and making changes so that it does not happen again, not just hoping everything will just magically sort itself out. This mercury retrograde may also affect your 2nd house of personal finance and possessions. Think about your relationship with money; Are your thoughts and actions around money empowering or disempowering you? Do you use money as an excuse to avoid doing something? Abundance comes through gratitude, being appreciative of what you already have. Don't be fixated on the idea that rewards only come in the form of money, thinking like this will only cause you to miss the beautiful gifts that life will be offering you. You might have a feeling that your purpose is to help others and guide them, but you sacrifice so much of your time, energy, resources for others that you ignore your own needs. You are for sure the person who helps everyone and is solving their problems. However, the only thing you are doing is burdening yourself by carrying their unresolved issues and also stopping them from learning the lessons they need to learn in order to grow in this lifetime. You are being asked to look after your well-being before anyone else’s. Spirt is thanking you for being so caring but now it's time for you to relax, celebrate, and allow yourself to reap the rewards for all your positive actions and intention. Also, it is important to listen openly and respectfully to people who have different beliefs than you, open communication can start real change.

In order to get the best out of this mercury retrograde, meditate as much as possible. Meditate for relaxation, for answers and for guidance. If you are able to find the perfect balance between spirituality, positivity and practicality, you will leave mercury retrograde with new love opportunities, abundance and happiness. There are major themes of wealth, abundance and new relationships in your life. People who have chosen this pile have a desire for the finer things in life and want the best of the best; Venusian energy. If you can believe it, you can achieve it. Some opportunities you are about to be given will happen once in a lifetime, but make sure you are taking action to make it happen and not just wishing on a star.

Pile 3: Dolphin 🐬

Pile 3 is for the people who live in a more Neptunian way of life. You are imaginative, live heavily in your subconscious and fantasy world. This mercury retrograde is going to force you to grow and heal your past wounds at a rapid pace. You are being called to let go of the past. That time is over. Whatever you have been clinging on to - good or bad - is long gone. The past energy is weighing you down and it is time to break free of it. You are currently living in a state of complacency. There is lots of self-neglect and dietary imbalance in this pile. Procrastinating and choosing to live in a dream world instead of dealing with the reality of your situation. You are holding yourself back and this retrograde will shake your world until you are born again. You will go through major regeneration: a rebirth. This mercury retrograde practice being present and calling your energy back into the here and now. Music is going to be very influential in your healing; it will be a safe space for you to process your thoughts and emotions as well as raising your energy when needed. Massive healing and Chiron energy in this pile. Shedding your old skin and coming out anew. By the end of it all, you will be a different person, the star of your own world. The universe is giving you a second chance to attach new opportunities you once let slip by. Forget about the past, a new start is on its way!

Make sure you gratitude for all the things in your life that make you happy and if you need guidance through this journey listen to your soul and follow the path you are being called towards. Remember that your soul choose this journey before you started your life on Earth. This moment was destined. Don't think you are unprepared and you will be lost once you decide to take action. Your soul has been training for this moment and you will know exactly what to do when the time comes. Your Guides are assisting you in this journey and they want you to have faith in yourself. Your circumstances will soon improve and your life will get so much better, don't lose hope!

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aphrostarot · 3 years ago

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Message from Spirit Pick a Pile

Let's get back to the basics and see what your Spirit Guides have to tell you at this moment.

Remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Do not try and force it to fit. If you would like a personal reading I am currently offering free readings. Dm me if you are interested!

Pile One (Rose Quartz):

What guide is coming forward?

Three of Pentacles:

This guide is very generous when it comes to helping others and is a great listener. However, they do not back down from an argument and have excellent problem-solving skills. This may only apply to some, but the energy I get from this guide feels like it may be a loved one who has passed for some. Capricorn is also represented by this card, so, you or your guide may be a Capricorn or have strong Capricorn influence.

A message they would like you to know currently.

Death:

People who don't know tarot get pretty freaked out when they see this card. It is a card that symbolizes letting go of the past and transforming into a new, improved version of yourself, making it one of my favorite cards in tarot. The death cycle is a very good thing. While you may not think that now, once you pass through your death cycle, you will look back and be grateful that you were able to do so. In case you haven't gone through a death cycle yet, your spirit guide wants you to know that you will do so soon.

Something they have been trying to tell you that you’ve been missing.

King of Pentacles:

The person represented by this card has achieved so much in their lifetime and created so much wealth that they are now able to provide for the people they love. Based on the energy I am receiving for this pile, I would say that you are the type of person who isn't aware of their success or even their ability to create success. Your guide has, for some time now, been trying to tell you that you have the ability to become the King of Pentacles but you have been too caught up in negativity to realize this.

How you can be more open to receiving their messages in the future.

Page of Pentacles:

This card represents someone who is eager to accumulate success but does not yet have the financial resources to do so. This card tells you to start saving money slowly and work with your finances carefully. To become the King of Pentacles, your guide says that you must stop spending the money you receive as soon as you receive it.

The Lovers:

Firstly, I want to let you know that the same card came out for piles two and three on this question, so if you felt called to them, you can check them out.

Your guide wants you to start loving yourself the way you deserve it. As much as you think you don't deserve success or abundance, your guide is here to tell you that is completely false. You do deserve it. It's also unclear to you that you are capable of accumulating wealth and success. If you want to become this King of Pentacles, you need to understand this.

What they are helping you with on your path.

Seven of Pentacles:

There is no doubt that your guide is here to help you achieve success and abundance, with all of the pentacles coming out recently. More specifically, this card represents planning. Their purpose is to help you determine how to succeed and how to reach the King of Pentacles.

Judgment:

They are here to help you decide what you want and how you are going to get it. They are that little voice whispering in your ear telling you which direction to take and what choice to make. Now is the time for you to start listening to them.

Pile Two (Amazonite):

What guide is coming forward?

Five of Pentacles:

This guide was the person who lived in poverty when they were alive. During their time in the earthly realm, they were very dissatisfied with life because money and luck were never on their side. It seems that some of you have not known this person in this lifetime, but have known them in a previous life.

The Star:

Now that they are one of your guides, they are beginning to understand what it means to be hopeful. You have helped them to discover their hope again. Their energy towards you is very warm and loving. They are very thankful to you.

A message they would like you to know currently.

The Emperor:

My impression is that you are someone who usually rides the backburner in life. You don't like to be the center of attention or have authority. I am receiving strong Leo North Node energy from this pile. In this lifetime your guide wants you to know that you are meant for greatness, and for greatness to be achieved, you must have the center stage, you must take up space. Be a strong leader by embracing the Emperor's energy.

Something they have been trying to tell you that you’ve been missing.

The Chariot:

The Chariot is all about movement and with it coming out it is a sign that your guide has been trying to tell you that you are on a path towards greatness and you are not realizing this.

Page of Cups:

As this is the card of sensitivity, your guide wants you to get in touch with your sensitive side. You could benefit from becoming more empathic. You will benefit from this practice on your journey to greatness.

How you can be more open to receiving their messages in the future.

The Lovers:

Firstly, I want to let you know that the same card came out for piles one and three on this question, so if you felt called to them, you can check them out.

Your guide says you need to begin loving yourself. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will be able to connect with your greatness. You are not aware of your abilities, and as a result, you have been on a long path to greatness when it could have been shorter if you had realized this sooner.

What they are helping you with on your path.

Four of Wands:

Your guide is here to help you find stability on your path. You may be in a place where you are lacking stability in your life and this may be very hard for you. This guide is here to help you find stability again.

Queen of Cups:

This Queen is very empathetic. Your guide is here to help you become more of an empathetic person. I am not saying that you are not empathetic, just that you need to develop your empathy skills and this guide has the abilities to do that. All you need to do is listen to them.

Pile Three (Amethyst):

What guide is coming forward?

Nine of Pentacles:

There is a woman-like quality to this energy. I sense they are in their 40s or 50s, and I think you knew them in this lifetime before they passed on. Their independence and confidence make them very appealing. While alive, they took very good care of themselves and loved being outside.

A message they would like you to know currently.

The Hierophant:

This guide specifically urges you to live a more traditional life because this is the card of tradition. You might have been trying really hard to be your own person and not the person society, your friends, family, etc. wants you to be. As a result, you have become someone you are not meant to be. Your guide wants you to slow down and stop trying to be the opposite of what everyone expects of you, and just be yourself.

Something they have been trying to tell you that you’ve been missing.

The Fool:

As a result of trying so hard to be someone you are not, you have lost your energy and motivation for life. The guide has been trying to show you where you can get that energy again, but you have been so caught up in your funk that you haven't noticed it.

Temperance:

The guide is telling you that it is time for you to rest and recoup so that once you do this, you can get back on track to becoming the person you are meant to be. Take a step back from the idea that you need to change yourself.

How you can be more open to receiving their messages in the future.

The Lovers:

Firstly, I want to let you know that the same card came out for piles one and two on this question, so if you felt called to them, you can check them out.

It is your guide's wish that you begin to love yourself. In trying to be someone you are not, they say, you aren't loving yourself and that is hindering your progress. By letting go of the idea of needing to change, you will begin to love yourself. You will progress much more quickly if you love yourself.

What they are helping you with on your path.

Three of Wands:

As this is the card of teamwork, your guide will help you improve your group skills. They are here to show you that it is okay to ask for help from others but also that you do not have to go about life alone.

King of Wands:

This King has worked very hard to accomplish their dreams and they have done just that. The purpose of this guide is to help you reach your goals and to show you that you have the potential to be the King of Wands.

Pile Four (Fuchsite):

What guide is coming forward?

Ace of Wands:

This person is very individualistic and they like to think that their opinion is better than everyone else's, which makes sense with them coming forward in this reading.

Seven of Cups:

They are the type of person who is lost in their own head and loses themselves in their idealized version of reality. For the majority of you, I do not think that you have ever known this person but there are a few of you that I feel may have known this person before they passed.

A message they would like you to know currently.

Nine of Swords:

Perhaps you've been feeling particularly anxious lately. Insecurities that you thought you had overcome may have resurfaced. There is no linear path to healing, and your guide wants you to know you can get through this. You will have ups and downs, but you will get through it.

Something they have been trying to tell you that you’ve been missing.

The Well:

This card does not appear in all tarot decks, it only appears in this deck. Having this card appear as something your guide wants you to know would mean that they have been trying to show you that they are there to help you through your troubles, but you haven't realized it. You may also be ignoring your guide at the moment because you feel alone and they want you to know that they are with you whether you want them to be or not.

How you can be more open to receiving their messages in the future.

Ten of Cups:

You may not think that a happy ending will come your way or that you deserve one, but your guide wants you to be open to the idea that you deserve a happy ending and that you will get one. The sooner you begin to understand this, the closer you will be to getting the happy ending you desire. Additionally, you will allow it to come in more quickly.

What they are helping you with on your path.

Ace of Cups:

In this particular guide, you will learn to manifest new beginnings in your life particularly in love. As we have established, you believe that you are not worthy of love or that you will never find love. You can change your mindset by following this guide. You will find the love you were meant to have through them.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot

Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

#tarot messages #pick a pile #pick a card #spirituality #divination #astrology #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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citrineghost · 4 years ago

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Talking about disabled people

Why do abled people have literally no idea how to talk about disabled or chronically ill people? I don’t know but let me go over this for those of you who are abled and don’t understand

(For anyone using screen readers, the “abled person” lines have a red x next to them to indicate they’re not okay and the “disabled person” lines have a green check to indicate that they are okay)

(Also TW for ableism for all of the examples of what you shouldn’t be doing as well as fatphobia and body image for the section on stigmatizing appearance.)

Do not turn disabled people into inspiration porn.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: It’s so amazing that this disabled person has managed to get a job and get married even though they’re disabled and it must be really hard for them and all of the people around them

Why: You, as an abled person, are implying that it’s a miracle that a disabled person can have a happy life without being “normal”

✅ Disabled person: Seeing this other disabled person with a full time job and a love life makes me feel encouraged that I can be happy too despite my disabilities

Why: Disabled people often feel hopeless with their own disabilities because of the unhealthy perspective the abled world pushes regarding how disabled people must be miserable.

Do not mourn disabilities.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: This Youtuber I watch just came out about their disability. It’s just really sad. I can’t believe they’ve been dealing with this all without talking about it. They acted so happy all the time!

Why: Being disabled is not sad. We struggle with accessibility in a world that likes to marginalize us and that is the only sad thing about being disabled. Implying that it is sad that someone is disabled is to imply that you don’t believe they can achieve happiness or comfort because of it. The second part of this statement is problematic because it implies that disabled people can’t be happy or that because someone is presenting as happy that it must be a farce because disabled people are sad and miserable all the time, which is completely untrue.

✅ Disabled person: I just found out I have a lifelong disability and I’ve been having breakdowns about it for the last week because I’m afraid of what this means for me.

Why: Disabled people are allowed to mourn themselves and the struggles they face - because there are struggles to disability. However, this is different than when an abled person does so for many reasons, two of which I will cover.

The first reason is that disabled people are aware of the facets of their lives that may change. Someone with a degenerative disease may have to give up hiking or someone with a joint disorder may have to limit their knitting or drawing to save themselves from severe joint pain and inflammation. When abled people mourn disabilities, they are typically mourning perceived losses, which include things like romance, careers, and happiness, which are all things disabled people are perfectly capable of achieving. If you are friends with someone disabled, the only time you should be mourning their disability is if you are directing sympathy as a specific facet of it which they have brought up themselves before and which they have implied is acceptable to give sympathy for. This is something you’ll have to feel out with individuals because everyone is comfortable with different levels of sympathy and understanding about disability subject which may be touchy.

The second reason is that a large reason disabled people struggle on a day to day basis is due to inaccessibility and ableism that is only there due to an ableist society. For instance, a disabled person might find out they’re going blind and realize they will now have to learn to navigate a world where they can’t read signs without braille on them. They might find out they have become paralyzed from the waist down and will now have to use a wheelchair every time they’re out of the house, in a world where ramps and elevators are touch and go and where some places put illegal lock-and-key restrictions on elevators which can be dangerous for wheelchair users and physically disabled non-wheelchair users alike. As a disabled person, a large part of what looks like mourning disability is actually mourning their future of struggling with ableism. As an abled person, you don’t have any reason to mourn that. Instead, it is your job to fight for accessibility in any place you have influence.

Do not apply suffering to disabilities.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: I just found out my friend is suffering from autism.

❌ Abled person: Oh! I didn’t realize you were struggling with EDS.

❌ Abled person: Apparently my classmate has been fighting with chronic pain this whole time.

❌ Abled person: I talked with this guy who was confined to a wheelchair the other day.

Why: Disabilities do not inherently come with suffering. While many people do suffer from certain elements of their disabilities, it is not your place, as an abled person, to decide if that is the case for them. Saying that someone is suffering from whatever their disability is reinforces the idea that disabled people are weak, sickly, and miserable, which leads to other ideas like that our lives are inherently less valuable than abled people’s because all we do is sit around uselessly while we suffer.

In regard to the wheelchair example, specifically, this is a common issue. Abled people frequently refer to wheelchair users as being “confined” or some other equivalent. This is because abled people see a wheelchair as something that ruins mobility. They are comparing their own ability to walk on two legs all the time with no repercussions to what their life would be like if “confined” to a wheelchair. However, for those using wheelchairs, a wheelchair is actually improving their mobility. If someone is paralyzed, their use of a wheelchair makes it possible for them to leave bed and move around independently and leave the house when they otherwise might be unable to. For someone who has chronic fatigue or a heart condition or so on, using a wheelchair part time can make it possible to go out for long periods of time when they otherwise might not be able to stand for more than a few minutes without feeling faint or dizzy. Wheelchairs improve the lives of wheelchair users. If they were being “confined,” they wouldn’t be using them.

✅ Disabled person: I’m just really struggling with my EDS lately. I’ve been so inspired to draw, but my hands just won’t cooperate with me lately from the cold weather.

Why: Disabled people do struggle with some things regarding their disabilities. It is only natural that they will talk about these struggles when they are with someone they’re comfortable doing so around. This is usually a pinpointed struggle and not a blanket statement. Even if a disabled person makes a generalized statement about hating having a disability, it is well within their right to make that statement, while it is completely inappropriate for an abled person to make that comment for them.

Do not gatekeep or polarize the disabled experience.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: Our friend says she’s depressed, but I’m pretty sure she’s just saying it for attention. She seems fine whenever I see her.

Why: Mental illness is not the same for everyone. While one person with depression may be unable to drag themselves out of bed to get food, another person with depression might put on a full face of makeup and plaster on a smile every morning only to go home and collapse in bed at 4pm. They may feel completely empty the entire time they seem to be having fun. Or, if you can believe it, they might just be having fun. Depression is not “sad all the time” disorder. It’s deeper than that. If you can’t see evidence of the disorder someone has and you’re not A) their therapist or B) their doctor, mind your own business.

❌ Abled person: My classmate uses a wheelchair but I see him standing up out of it all the time. I don’t know who he’s trying to fool. He’s not sneaky.

Why: Wheelchair users do not always use a wheelchair because they are paralyzed or unable to stand or walk. Many people use wheelchairs because of physical weakness caused by disability, such as muscle atrophy, joint instability, or chronic pain that is worsened by walking or standing for more than short periods of time. There are also heart conditions such as POTS that make the heart rate go up by over 30 BPM by just standing, making the person suddenly feel lightheaded, risk passing out, or just plain exhausting them. Why a person uses a wheelchair is none of your business and it is not always as cut and dry as being completely unable to move without one. People who do not need wheelchairs do not use wheelchairs.

Do not stigmatize disability and physical appearance.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: It’s no wonder her joints hurt. It’s not a disorder, she just needs to lose weight.

Why: It is a common misconception that people struggle physically because of their weight. While this may be true in some cases, for those with disabilities, it is not. Abled people tend to get stuck thinking in the same direction. They think that weight is causing disabilities. In fact, it frequently goes the other direction. Disabilities often lead to weight gain. This can be caused by hormonal imbalances, muscle atrophy, and the inability to be as physically active as abled people. While people moralizing weight and being fatphobic is an issue in and on itself, it is especially dangerous and ableist when it leads to people’s disabilities being ignored, excused, or overlooked due to the way they look. This is a problem within the medical community especially, as doctor’s frequently won’t diagnose a disability unless their patient loses weight first to prove that the problem persists even when weighing less.

❌ Abled person: I would be depressed too if I was overweight and looked like her.

❌ Abled person: How can she be depressed? She’s gorgeous and has it all. How ungrateful can you be?

Why: Depression, as well as any other mental illness, is not cause or fixed by physical appearance. It is caused by trauma, pervading negative circumstance, or by an independent chemical imbalance in the brain that has not been caused by any environmental factors. Someone being attractive to someone else will not cure their depression. Their depression likely warps their sense of self worth anyway, so their appearance is irrelevant. A person being overweight or unattractive by your standards is not causing them depression unless they are being traumatized by fatphobia, to a degree that it is destroying their mental health. That’s not a problem with their appearance, it is a problem with fatphobes who see a person’s weight as determining their value.

❌ Abled person: She’s pretty but she’s crazy as hell.

Why: Aside from the obviously derogatory use of the word “crazy,” there is a lot wrong with this statement. The first thing is that it values a person based on her appearance and nothing else. The second thing is that it implies that her attractiveness is diminished because of a mental health issue. The third thing is that it implies her diminished attractiveness due to her mental health issue detracts from her overall value. People with mental health disorders can look like anyone else and their mental health does not take away from their value as a person.

Do not police disabled people’s self identifiers or labels.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: You can’t call yourself a cripple, that’s an ableist slur.

Why: Disabled people can call themselves whatever they want to, actually. When someone uses a word considered a slur to self-identify, it is because they are reclaiming it. The same way Black people can call themselves the n word and white people cannot, the same way people can self identify as queer, disabled people are allowed to call themselves crippled, crazy, or any other previously condemned slur that they want to. Reclaiming slurs is a way to take away the power they have over people by those who wish to use them in a derogatory way.

❌ Abled person: No, we can’t go to that one amusement park. It has no accessibility options and my friend is crippled.

Why: The only time it is acceptable for an abled person to call a disabled person a slur, even one used as a self-identifier, is if that person has told them they can. Do not ever call your disabled friends by slurs, reclaimed or otherwise, unless you know for sure that they are okay with it. And do not ever call someone you don’t know by a slur even if you know another disabled person who has reclaimed it.

❌ Abled person: You shouldn’t call yourself an autistic person. We’re supposed to use person-first language.

Why: Person-first language (e.g. person with autism rather than autistic person) can be useful in some respects, but it is disregarded by many. If you are unsure if you should use person-first language, ask the individual you’re speaking to or about. For many, their disorder or disability is an important part of who they are and they prefer to use it as a self-identifier (e.g. wheelchair user, autistic person, disabled person, etc.) Whether you are abled or disabled, you do not have the right to take away a person’s self-identifiers, regardless of if the most popular, politically correct form of speech is different than what they use.

With this particular form of speech (person-first language), I would also recommend refraining from correcting other abled people as well. It is not agreed-upon across the board by disabled people, so it isn’t worth pushing for unless the person you’re talking to is clearly making a habit of dehumanizing disabled people. (Though this last part is only my opinion and not a hard fact.)

❌ (red X) Disabled person: Don’t call yourself crazy. It’s a slur and I don’t like it.

Why: While it is completely fine for a disabled person to tell others not to refer to them by slurs, as they have not reclaimed them, it is inappropriate for a disabled person to tell other disabled people not to self-identify with reclaimed slurs. This kind of request takes away the other person’s agency in removing the power of that slur over themselves and attempts to insist that they should regard it as something with power. If you are disabled and are triggered by a certain slur that someone you know self-identifies with, try approaching it from a more explanatory angle.

For example: I respect your choice to reclaim that word, but it’s something I am triggered by/uncomfortable with. Could you please try to avoid using it when I’m around?

From then on, it is up to the person reclaiming the slur to decide if they are willing to compromise. If they are not willing to avoid using it around you, it is your responsibility to distance yourself from them rather than try to police their language, so long as they are not directing the slur at you to intentionally make you uncomfortable or try to police your language.

✅ Disabled person: I know that we are both mentally ill, but I am not comfortable with being called crazy like you are. Please don’t call me that.

Why: Policing someone else’s self-identifying language and asking them to respect your own self-identifying language is very different things. Every disabled person has the right to ask others not to use reclaimed slurs on them, as these words have a rocky past and many disabled people have been oppressed and traumatized with these words in their personal lives. You should always respect others’ boundaries and self-identifiers.

Thank you for taking the time to read and educate yourself on appropriate language when speaking about people with disabilities!

If you have questions, feel free to reblog or reply. If you are also disabled and disagree with any of what I said, or if you’d like to add something I missed, please let your own voice be heard as well.

I encourage you to start reply chains instead of all reblogging separately, because with long chains of additions, it’s easier for people to see all of the important additions in one place. So, check out the notes and see if there are other points you agree with and want to include in your own reblog!

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chibimyumi · 4 years ago

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Hi, I hope you're doing well and staying healthy. I've read your post about how Elizabeth attacking ciel is sexism. What about Sebastian getting bully by Frances? Frances is a noblewoman grabbing a servant's hair in front of other people. And fans (including me) are like: oh! What a lioness! Even the devil himself is terrified of her! what if it was the other way around? The idea of a nobleman grabbing a governess's hair calling her nasty and indecent makes me uncomfortable and even angry.

【Response to post: Sexism against men and Kuro Sexist jokes】

Dear Anon,

I’m doing well, thank you very much. I hope you too ^^

Your question is a very good one, and it really had me thinking for a while! I myself admittedly do laugh very hard at Sebastian getting a hard time from Frances. But indeed, like you said, it is still bullying, and bullying is bad. In this post-feminist era, we have been so trained to see women bullying men as ‘funny’ or ‘empowering’, but women getting bullied as unambiguously bad instinctively, that sometimes we forget to check our double standards.

Feelings are feelings, we can’t help what we feel. But how come then that to many of us, Frances bullying Sebas is so funny, but Lizzie almost murdering O!Ciel and Nina bullying men not? This post is merely an attempt to explain this feeling for myself too, but hopefully we can all reach SOME explanation together as well???

Let us first look at in what ways Frances has been making Sebastian’s life hard. From all the interactions we have of these two so far, her main points of criticism seem to be his hair and his lack of professionalism.

Slovenly Hair

Sebastian’s hair is something we’ve gotten quite used to now after more than14 years. In Sebastian’s time however, his hair really would have been the height of impropriety for his profession.

Just like I translated O!Ciel’s looks to 2020 standards, I quickly translated Sebas’ hair to 2020 standards as well. Very clean, innit?! Very professional, innit?!

Even without the translation however, if we look at the worst of wigs from the Kuromyus, we can also see how Sebastian’s hair would be atrocious in any formal setting. Look past the fact that these actors are supposed to represent a drawn character. Just imagine being in a fancy restaurant and encountering a dead-spider feather duster on your waiter’s head.... erm....???

Something that is objectively bad on Frances’ end however, is that chapter 14 is not the first time that Frances has seen his ‘slovenly hair’. If his hair really is so unacceptable, as an authority figure Frances has the right to say something about it. However, as it seems, until this point she has never communicated at all (no, “hinting” is not the same as communicating), so Sebas had no way of knowing what he “did wrong”. She immediately grabbed for Sebastian’s hair without mercy, probably because her crept up frustration got the better of her. This is indeed entirely too harsh for a first time call-out, and entirely on Frances.

Much later in the story Frances criticises and touches Sebastian’s hair again, and this time in public while he was infiltrating as a teacher. Here Frances is even publically humiliating Sebastian in front of his students and other high ranking guests.

Especially when you keep in mind that Frances is a noblewoman and Sebas a mere servant, Frances is indeed abusing her power against a servant who cannot strike back at all.

This is indeed power play. However, though it does not justify anything, in the very least her criticism does have ground; Sebas’ hair is by all measures inadequate for any professional setting. Just be nicer about it, Frances.

Useless Butler

Now, let us look at the other reason Frances disapproves of Sebas. Sebastian is a very competent butler according to most people. To Frances however, this claim is empty. When she arrives, parts of the estate have been destroyed and something very literally exploded in her presence.

Even though Sebas is not the person actively causing the explosion or the destruction, as the senior servant of the household, it is literally his job to manage the other servants. So yes, here too, the fact that things can be destroyed in the household because he either hired inadequate staff or because he mismanages his household, DOES INDEED prove he fails at his job. As the aunt of O!Ciel who cares about her nephew AND her paternal home, Frances is in her right to be concerned and call Sebastian out for NOT doing his job.

In chapter 14, Sebastian’s schedule was all over the place and kept changing the plans for Frances. It is no wonder that she would be quite annoyed and doubt Sebastian’s adequateness. When you know your 13 year old nephew’s household is in the hands of somebody so apparently inadequate, anybody would probably be concerned. However annoyed though, Frances does not overstep any boundaries about this specific issue; she is simply supremely unimpressed. Fair enough?

Compliments where due

Something that is quite interesting though, is that despite disapproving of Sebastian, Frances does also know when to compliment him when due. After Sebastian has saved Lizzie’s life without boasting, Frances recognised how the butler does indeed have some value and the correct attitude as a servant.

She says “though you look indecent what you say is true,” and it is yet another jab at the demon’s expense. But here she is also showing that she is willing to acknowledge somebody’s achievements, looking past appearances.

Before Frances leaves, Frances jabs at Sebas a bit again, but she really is not doing anything dickish this time. Instead of making Sebas think she’s simply chosen him as target to be a prick towards, she concretely states why she doubts his professionalism. She mentions the smashed tea set, bare garden and burnt food; mistakes that are objectively unacceptable. Instead of yelling at him, she actually gives him constructive criticism. So here too, Frances is quite stern, but her grounds are solid.

In the Campania arc Sebas shows up again with the hair Frances disapproved of. Frances clearly wants to do something about it again because in her eyes, the butler simply won’t learn. But given the circumstances and Sebastian’s proven usefulness, Frances actually does shelve her agenda. Just like above, here too Frances shows that she is capable of acknowledging somebody despite their looks.

Later when the zombies dramatically outnumbered the living humans, Frances sends Sebas - who had come to her aid - back to her daughter and nephew. By sending Sebas back, Frances also shows that she in fact trusts this ‘slovenly butler’ with the lives of two children she loves deeply. Sebastian protests, but Frances immediately replies: “don’t you trust our ability as swordsmen?” Here what Frances is functionally saying is: “I trust you with your abilities, so you can trust us back.”

In short, Frances is harsh and doing power-play against a servant, but she can shelve her agenda, and does acknowledge Sebas when due.

Contrast to Nina and Lizzie

So now we have seen how Frances bullies Sebastian, and her motivation behind all her points of harshness. As we have seen, Frances’ only points of criticisms are concrete ones; Sebastian’s lack of professionalism in looks, and his lack of professionalism in management. She goes about them too harshly, but all points are legit criticisms, and something Sebas CAN and probably SHOULD work to improve.

Nina

This is in stark contrast with the way Nina bullies her victims. As far as we have seen, none of Nina’s victims have offended her in any way, nor does she ever give any concrete criticism. She has just decided that because men are men, they don’t deserve proper treatment. Even when providing clothes for men is literally part her job, she refuses to provide the ‘professional service’ she is being paid for. And because she is AN EMANCIPATED LESBIAN!!!!!!! #FEMINISM, it’s FINE (!?!?!?)

Unlike with Frances’ criticism of Sebastian’s inadequate hairdo and managing, being ‘men’ is not something any of these men can do anything about (except Sebas, but Nina doesn’t know). Bullying is always wrong, always low. But it’s EVEN lower when you bully somebody for who they are, and not what they do wrong. What does not help is that Nina seems to only be capable of treating people nicely if they happen to be sexuality-wise compatible with her... but if you are, you’ll get molested. What is wrong with you, Nina????

Yes, Frances is saying: “you are a man, and yet your fringe is so long”. So on the most surface level, it is a woman saying this to a man because he is a man. As we later get to know Frances a bit better though, she would be harsh to anybody who looks slovenly. She just has different hairstyles which she considers appropriate for men and women respectively. Had Sebas been a woman and his hair was the ‘feminine equivalent of slovenly’, Frances would most likely have acted exactly the same. So in this sense, unlike with the jokes using Nina and Lizzie, it is not purely: “Haha, girl bullies boii, lol.”

Something else that is terrible is that what Nina does seems to be systemic. Logically it checks out too; it can’t be that only since the past few weeks she’s decided only women and young boys deserve her kind treatment. For all we know, Nina’s been treating the male Phantomhive staff like this for 2-3 years. Sebastian’s comment about Nina thoroughly ignoring men again with “as always” further supports this theory.

With Frances in contrast, in chapter 14 (so barely a year ago in story time), Sebas seemed to have no clue whatsoever about Frances’ terrors. Sebas announced Frances’ arrival to his master and is very calm about it. It was not until O!Ciel alerted Sebas about his aunt that anybody even guessed what hurricane was headed for them. As such, we can safely conclude that Sebas had only been subjected to Frances’ criticism a couple of times, unlike having had to bear with Nina for years.

Yes, Frances still should have communicated, but I already addressed the details above. Still, the point remains that even though Frances is overstepping boundaries and abusing her power, her criticisms are at least not empty.

Lizzie

Lizzie too just like Nina, had zero grounds for showing that much aggression. She did not give anybody the benefit of the doubt, did not communicate, or even so much as give O!Ciel any chance to explain the situation. So far O!Ciel has given Lizzie no reason to think he’d cheat on her, and yet she hurled so much aggression at him Sebas had to intervene.

Still, Lizzie is marginally better than Nina because she is not systemically bullying O!Ciel. It is a one time event. However, this one makes me more annoyed with Yana because it means that even Yana had to use this stale, stale trope of “LOVE TRIANGLE COMEDYYYY”. Have I ever mentioned how MUCH I hate love triangles and jealousy???

Conclusion

Feeling wise, the most important reason for why Sebas being bullied by Frances is funny is probably because of who Sebas is. Sebas is otherwise an all-powerful demon, but to see him inventing colours to shit at Frances - a human Sebas could crush between his fingertips like a cookie - is just hilarious. Had Sebas been a human though, I would not have laughed so hard personally.

Rationally however, Frances is doing power play against a servant who cannot talk back, so it is still bullying, and bullying is inexcusable.The only bit of “right” Frances has is that she does not seem to be systemically bullying Sebastian, and that her criticisms have some ground.

So if Nina and Lizzie’s behaviours played for jokes are like... a -7 and -9 respectively, Frances’ at least scores a -2 for me?

(Yes, as we’re talking about bullying anyway, I just have to make a jab at Vincent.)

Afterword

Something not really related to why “Frances:Bad”, “Nina-Lizzie:Worse”, but I do wish to mention is Yana’s improved drawing skills. I have no proof, but I think it MIGHT have been where this Frances-joke originated.

Yana’s time in the more traditional mindset of manga-worldview really showed, especially at the far beginning. Besides, she was still in the process of finding a way to draw handsome men. In the more traditional mindset of the early 2000s, handsome men were just not supposed to have slicked back hair - “that was reserved for old men and nasty dudes!!” Yana’s discomfort with drawing handsome men with slicked back hair was clearly visible in Sebastian’s early appearances, and making the ‘”hair, back!!! says old-fashioned lady” was potentially even a way of Yana to laugh at herself.

I don’t know who else is old like me and grew up with 80s to early 00s manga, but at the time, hair for handsome men was a BIG deal. In that world ‘slicked back hair’ just carried a certain laughability about it; a “rule of not-cool”. To me at least at the time this ‘laughability’ really resonated with me, and Yana probably also trusted this same ‘unspoken rule’ to resonate with her audiences.

Much later though, Yana clearly grew more comfortable and maybe even fond of slicked back hairstyles as she confidently chose to portray Sebas as ‘appealing’ while wearing his hair in the style Yana previously disliked.

Again, I have no proof, but I can’t help but think that if Kuro had started 10 years later, the running gag revolving Frances might look altogether different.

What do you guys think? ^^ Cheers, and stay healthy!

Character analysis Nina Hopkins

Character analysis Vincent Phantomhive

Sexism against men and Kuro’s sexist jokes

MASTERPOST Gender in Kuroshitsuji

MASTERPOST Analyses & Info

#Kuroshitsuji #Frances #Midford #Sebastian Michaelis #hair #joke #funny #tw bullying mention #Lizzie #Nina Hopkins

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aprilsrant · 4 years ago

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Cariad | Young!Remus Lupin x Slytherin!Fem!Reader.

SUMMARY: (Y/N) absolutely hates when professors make their students work in pairs, but the outcome of this particular project may not be so bad.

WORD COUNT: 2,971, more or less.

REQUEST: can i request another half-blood slytherin reader x remus where she tries to learn welsh for him and i hope you can include smth with the lovespoon!

This was requested by @cantstopmebitch Thank you so much for requesting something, I hope you enjoy it!

WARNINGS: a kiss? And nothing else I think.

A/N: Please remember English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes, let me know! In this fic, I’ve used some Welsh words, which I didn’t know a single thing about so I did some research but it may be wrong, so sorry if these are not correct!

Masterlist.

You can always reblog to help me or request something you’ll like.

TRANSLATIONS: the title, cariad, means “love, affection, lover, darling”; the phrase fy annwyl un means “my dear one”; and the last one, fy nghariad aur means “my golden darling”.

Advanced Arithmancy Studies, or simply Arithmancy, was not the most interesting subject Hogwarts offered as an elective course for sixth and seventh years, hence why there weren’t many people taking it, but (Y/N) seemed to be a natural — according to the professor’s opinion — and she loved being good at things without trying too much or else she would lose any interest immediately.

Sitting down on one of the desks at the back of the classroom, she left her brown leather satchel on the cobblestone floor. (Y/N) watched as the students took their usual seats and started to chat with their partner, but all conversations were shut down by the loud voice of the professor, an old and strict woman who didn’t seem to have control of her voice’s volume as she was always screaming and someone who didn’t have any consideration with those who forgot to do her assignments.

The minute the woman’s body was an inch inside the classroom, she began to give directions about a project expected for next week and how they would have to work in pairs, (Y/N)’s eyes rolling to the back of her head upon hearing the news. She absolutely detested working with other people for two reasons: the first one being that, if they happen to be from a different House, they would judge her for being a Slytherin; and the second, because she was always the one ending up doing it all on her own, but that was mostly her fault. She wanted to be in control all the time if it was something related to school.

Once again, (Y/N) was observing how some of her classmates changed desks so they could work with whoever they wanted. No one took the empty seat beside her. She never minded being alone in this class (none of her close friends capable of dealing with the intensity of it or not being too interested in numbers), she was not going to start now. It was better anyways, not having a partner meant less headaches.

But, apparently, the odds were not in her favor.

A diveleshed looking Remus Lupin crossed the entrance door with his arms full of books, parchments and quills; uniform poorly accommodated and a sad dog look on his eyes, definitely trying to avoid the professor’s rage for being late. His lips curved into a hesitant smile, that to (Y/N)’s opinion came out more as a grimace, and when she thought they all were about to hear a pathetic and improvised excuse from Perfect Remus, the old witch shook her hand into a dismissive gesture and signalised the wooden chair next to the Slytherin girl while she informed him about the task.

Now that Lupin was beside her, shoulders almost touching, she took a closer look at him. (Y/N) had the impression he was sick because of the dark circles below his dull brown eyes, his skin a lot more paler than usual, and the small noise that left his mouth once he sat down, like his chest hurted. She had also noticed scratches and scars on his neck and cheeks, but kept quiet about them too. It wasn’t her place to ask.

The first ten minutes passed slowly, neither of them uttering a word, and listening to the expectations the professor had for the project. Well, more like (Y/N) was the one actually listening, because Remus was busy running through his things while leaving them scattered all around their shared desk and muttering curses under his breath. She watched him with a weirded out expression on her face, eyes narrowing and eyebrows furrowing with her mouth pressed on a thin line, while he read the first lines of a parchment and then, obviously not being what he was looking for, leaving it on her side.

“You forgot the essay, didn’t you?,” she leaned closer to him and whispered in the boy’s ear. He turned around to look at her, but it wasn’t necessary for him to confirm it, (Y/N) already knew she was right.

Picking her satchel from the floor, she took her own assignment, grabbed one piece of empty parchment and, making sure the professor wasn’t looking in their direction, she muttered a spell under her breath. Instantly, the black paragraphs on her paper copied and travelled to the empty one. With another flick of her wand, some of the words transformed, other changed places and a few of them even disappeared. Grabbing one of Lupin’s parchment that had his calligraphy, and corroborating once more the old witch had her back turned to them, (Y/N) copied his writing style to transfer it to the parchment she had just enchanted. With a proud smile on her face, she handed it to him.

Lupin’s face was now a little brighter, of course he still had those horrendous bags, but it was an improvement. His eyes wide and shining with interest, his face less tired and his mouth opened in surprise.

“How did you do that?”

“One of my cousins taught me. Him and his friends had been perfectioning this spell for a long time now,” she mumbled, trying not to catch the other’s attention, while she shrugged her shoulders.

“That was amazing,” an astonish sound accompanying his words, “thank you, by the way, for helping me.”

“Oh no, I don’t accept thank you’s.” (Y/N) sat straighter on her chair, beaming at him while she crossed one of her legs on top of the other. Before he had the chance to ask what she meant, she spoke again. ”I did you a favor, now you owe me one.”

And after that particular conversation, Remus’s and (Y/N)’s destinies were sealed in an unbreakable and everlasting bond.

That following week was spent in the safety of the Room of Requirement, the place where none of their friends would bother them if they happened to see them together, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, working together. (Y/N) believed it was stupid at first, not going to the library because someone may or may not catch them in such a forbiden act, but it was all forgotten when the idea that she could become the next target for one of their pranks popped in her head. She had seen what they’ve done to other housemates and she never wanted to be in the receiving end of one.

The way the Room looked was another major point in why they continued to meet there. (Y/N) had never visited but she had heard about it and how it changed according to your needs. Right now, the chamber resembled a greenhouse, more beautiful than the ones where they had Herbology with Professor Sprout. All kinds of plants covered the walls (not one was the same as the next), coloured carpets underneath old white marble statues and high columns of the same material, reminding her of all the times she’d read a book about Ancient Greece and it’s Gods. In the middle of the Room were two dark red divans, contrasting against the green on the rest of the place, surrounded by piles of books — (Y/N) had the feeling they were all about Arithmancy and Numerology — and, in the centre, a small coffee table made of wood.

Not even after hours of working in the assignment they were able to finish it in that afternoon. Both of them were perfectionists, ending up in some small arguments about how they should approach certain topics but had also pushed them in coming up with better and more interesting ideas. No one could deny the pair worked marvelously, complementing each other.

To (Y/N)’s astonishment, Remus Lupin didn’t fit the ideal her mind had set a long time ago for Gryffindors. All the ones she’d encountered were boisterous, incredibly annoying, short-tempered and just general prats. The boy with whom she had spent a whole afternoon was utterly the opposite and (Y/N) would’ve discovered that earlier if she’d hadn’t been so prejudiced.

The day the assignment was due to, arrived quickly than expected and with it came a sudden and small pang of sadness that startled her.

When she sat down beside Remus, he had made sure of arriving extra early to compensate the professor for the week before, the boy perceived something was off — his superpower according to his three best friends, he was always capable of reading a person perfectly, even if they hadn’t known each other for too long — because of how she was acting, trying too hard to show an unbothered facade but not hard enough for him to not notice.

The truth was (Y/N) didn’t want this class to start since once it was over so would the partnership with Remus. She had enjoyed his calm and warm company, sometimes a little crazy, in the Room Requirement while they worked on the project. And she was one hundred percent sure she would miss the moments when they both agreed on taking a break after many hours of reading and began to talk about nothing and everything, all at once. Was she supposed to forget that he always carried one chocolate inside his bag, and that he’d started to bring one more after their first afternoon studying together? Was (Y/N) expected to ignore the fact Remus wanted to become a professor because he liked the idea of being there for young people in case they needed someone? Was this girl meant to fail to remember about how this boy had asked his mum to teach him Welsh so they, mother and son, could have one more thing in common?

When the professor dismissed them, not without praising (Y/N)’s and Remus’s essay first, he noticed the girl next to him hadn’t even smiled at the mention of how perfect they’d worked. Now he knew for sure something was wrong with her and Remus Lupin was not the kind of person who saw his friends feeling down and did nothing about it.

Following her across the corridor, he tried to catch her attention but she was either not listening or down right ignoring him. Finally being able to reach her, Remus grabbed her arm softly and called her name in a whisper. She turned around, head low and eyes fixated on her jet black loafers, not looking at him.

“Are you alright? Because if something happened, you can talk to me,” Remus asked in a faint voice, almost swallowed by the noise the other students in the hallway were making, moving his hand towards her shoulder and rubbing tenderly the fabric of her grey sweater that covered her skin, “I know we hadn’t been friends for too long, but you can come to me for anything you may need.”

(Y/N) raised her head after hearing the last part.

“We are?” An incredulous look appearing on her face. “We are friends?”

“Of course we are, (Y/N),” Remus announced while letting out a snicker, as if the thought of the two of them not being friends sounded ridiculous in his mind, “I wouldn’t have shared my chocolate with you if we weren’t. And as a half blood… you are one of the few people who actually understands my movie or book references from the muggle world.”

Her mood better now that she knew Remus considered her a friend and for once since she initiated her education at Hogwarts, she was glad the Arithmancy professor had made them work in pairs.

|||

Weeks and months passed by, and with each one of them the friendship between Remus and (Y/N) grew stronger. There were still several things the Gryffindor was not ready to discuss, like him being a werewolf, his other friends becoming animagi to help him during the nights of a full moon; the creation of the Marauder’s Map and how much he wanted to kiss her whenever she began to ramble about a subject she was really passionate about. He kept quiet, and for several months he came up with excuses, not only for the scars and the nights on the Infirmary, but for the random loss of concentration every time she was too closed to him, cracking up a joke or cursing at the professors for thinking they couldn’t have five minutes without being buried in assignments and deadlines.

His feelings, unknown to him, were not one sided.

(Y/N) wasn’t one to go for the boys she liked, she was used to just admiring them from afar, never making the effort to start a conversation and she was fine with it. But Remus was a whole other story. She knew him, and his fears, and the books he would read over and over again, and how much of a good friend and amazing person he was. And all of that made it even harder for her to take that quick but impossible last step. Her friends had been trying to make her pursue him since the moment the Firewhisky in her system led her to overshare. They’d said he felt the same and for a moment she believed it, but long nights of overthinking convinced her that Remus was just being kind to her, his specialty.

She tried to push her feelings away, to calm her heart that couldn’t stop jumping whenever she saw him smiling, to control the sweat on her hands every time he whispered something funny in her ear; to put a stop to the flips her stomach suffered the moment he said her name; to even her breathing on the occasions he would utter random Welsh words — one of the reason why she started to learn the language four months after their friendship began — to see her confused expression.

One night after a long and stressful day in the midst of their seventh and last year at Hogwarts, while the last quarter moon shined down from above them and illuminated her features, Remus Lupin decided he would honor the reason he was supposed to be in Gryffindor.

Taking a small object from the pocket of his trousers and releasing a shaky breath, he took (Y/N)’s hand to catch her attention. She turned around, looking away momentarily from the moon and the stars, the things she admired the most, grinning softly at him with such alluring eyes.

“I don’t know how to say this and what I’m doing is barely planned, and so many things could wrong but…,” Remus started, taking a large gulp of air before talking again, “I can’t help myself with you sitting there like that.”

She didn’t respond, understanding there was something bugging him and that it was crying out for someone to just let it out.

“I like you and not as a friend, I mean, yes, I do like you as a friend but I also like you as much more than that,” he confessed briskly, shortly after closing his eyes and chewing his bottom lip, “and I did this for you.”

(Y/N) took the tiny object silently, not knowing what to say, and held it up towards the sky so the moon would cast a light upon it.

The minute she realised what it was, she confirmed that Remus’s feelings were the same as hers. With a large smile on her face, she traced her fingers delicately across the wooden figure. It had an intricate design, with two hearts in the middle and two fine lines lacing with each other, reminding her of a simple braid. On top of the heart, were three threads forming a knot.

“It’s a lovespoon, isn’t it?,” she mumbled just to be sure this was all truly happening. Remus nodded, still not knowing if she liked him too, “It’s gorgeous, Rem.”

Locking eyes with her, he didn’t need her to say she liked him back because he already knew the answer. (Y/N)’s eyes were brimming with a few tears, holding such intense emotions and staring at him the way his mum did whenever his dad was in front of her.

“I like you too, fy annwyl un,” she confessed back. A laugh escaped his mouth while he shook his head.

“Since when do you know Welsh, fy nghariad aur?”

“I learned it to impress someone.”

Remus leaned his body closer towards her, putting his hand over her cheek and running his thumb gracefully across it. Both of them shift their weight at the same time to be nearer each other.

(Y/N)’s heart shaking violently in her chest, anticipating what was going to be her first kiss.

“Remember that favor you owe me since last year?,” she reminded him. Their warm breaths mixing, lips so close and yet so far away. Remus nodded slightly as his hand descended from her cheek to caress cautiously one of her bottom lip’s corners. His other hand travelled to the back of her head, intertwining slowly with her hair, “well, I’m asking for it now.”

He smiled while their lips brushed against one another. Taking the lead, Remus finally pressed their mouths together. And it was everything and so much more than she had ever imagined. Eyes closed but still capable of seeing a mixture of red bright fireworks and shining stars.

One of her hands, the one clutching the lovespoon tightly, stayed put on his arm, while the other moved towards his neck, not knowing where else to leave it. Instantly, Remus dropped his hand from her cheeks to her waist, pulling her closer and almost sitting her on top of his lap. He moved her head slightly backwards, making (Y/N) to open his lips more and allowing him to explore her mouth with his tongue.

None of them cared about what the rest of the school would think when they entered the Great Hall, hand in hand, a dark brown lovespoon decorating (Y/N)’s satchel.

Under the moonlight, no one else had felt more alive than them.

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biggirllifestyle · 4 years ago

Text

Over the Rails: Cold Floors and Sparks

Summary: After Peter posts, a video of him and his friends at the roller rink on the Avengers group chat Bucky can’t seem to get his mind off Peter’s friend who stole the show, and after getting goaded into going skating with the other avengers (Natasha’s conniving planning) where Peter’s friend works at Bucky can’t help but feel that there’s something more to look forward to.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus-Sized Reader

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Swearing, Physical harm (from Roller Skating), Future Confrontational Violence, Creepers making woman uncomfortable, .

A/N: It’s long. Sorry. Enjoy.

Friday seemed to be getting closer and closer and Bucky couldn’t help the growing anxiety that he felt as the day grew closer. He didn’t have any issues with hanging out with the Avengers or even being around other people, he had worked through those issues with Xavier on one of his sessions so he knew he could get through it.

Bucky knew that choosing to call his therapist at three in the morning on a weekday would be an excessive thing to do but he thought that maybe dealing with it upfront would be so much better, as he huddled by the couch the rooms only illumination from the muted tv. Bucky heard the line ringing for a few minutes and growing anxiety grew as it kept ringing, as he was about to end the call the line picked and a disgruntled voice answered,

“Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Bucky stopped short the voice on the other line was not his therapist, pulling the phone away looking to see if he had accidentally dialed the wrong number, bucky pulled the phone back an apology at the tip of his tongue before he heard another gruff voice but this time with the hint of a British accent underneath,

“Eric, What’s going on? Who is that?”

Bucky heard a grumble from the man who answered before there was a shift of sheets and finally Xavier was on the line, there was an extra shift and an audible click before everything quieted again.

“James is everything alright?”

“Doctor I apologize for calling you so early in the morning but I-,” Bucky stopped short. He didn't know how to say what was wrong, he felt like his fear was inconsequential that did not deem a call at three in the morning. “I apologize for calling so early in the morning but I don’t know what’s wrong and I need your help.”

He heard Xavier humm, “James, we have talked about this, you do not have to apologize for seeking help. This is an improvement for you since never before did you seek help so I feel like this is a step forward, now tell me what can I do for you?”

“Doc, I know that our session is set for Saturday but something changed this week and I feel like if I don’t address it now it might become an issue for when it finally comes up.” Bucky didn’t know if he was making any sense; he couldn’t even say that he understood his words very clearly, so he was hoping that Xavier was able to understand him enough.

“Does this have anything to do with the video you had talked about from our last session, the one you were caught watching by Natasha?” Bucky made a small noise of confirmation, Xavier hummed as he seemed to write down what was being told to him, Bucky could hear the scratch of paper through the phone.

“Did something happen, James, I know from our last session you mentioned how you were looking forward to your outing with the others, so what is it about it now that's making you so anxious?” Bucky couldn't help the noise of shock that he let out, Xavier had a way of always knowing what Bucky was feeling and thinking and almost as if he was reading his mind, if it wasn’t for the fact that he survived the fall and Steve become ten times taller then he would say that Xavier was a mutant person with powers, well he still believes that no matter how much Xavier denies it.

“There is just so much that may go wrong that makes me nervous,” Bucky paused running a hand through his long hair, “ I just don’t want to disappoint, Nat had told me that this girl, Bibi, was a History major and according to Peter she did a paper the impact of Steve and I’s missions and how the war would have gone differently if we hadn’t been involved and that all that dedication she put into it-”

Bucky paused taking a small breath before continuing, “I just don’t want her to meet me and decide that I am a disappointment, that the person she spent such a long time researching, the person who I used to be, would make her disappointed because I am not him anymore.”

“James, you are and you will always be James Buchanan Barnes no matter the alias that was set for you or not, what HYDRA stole from you, your freedom, does not define who you were before or after the Winter Soldier, don’t let them take your future just because you are worried that people will still see you like the Winter Soldier, you have to understand that not everything revolves around that persona, okay? You are capable of going beyond if you just allow yourself to do it.”

Bucky was silent letting Xavier's words sink in, he was feeling much better now that he was hearing a word of reason at this time, Steve had been sent out on a quick mission overnight and he wouldn’t be back until later in the afternoon, he heard Xavier clear his throat before snapping him out of his mind.

“Now I am very curious about this girl you were mentioning, it seems that this person is the reason why you are feeling like this, and I can assume since you did show me the video that she is the one who fell at the end was it not?”

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Well James, it’s currently too early in the morning you need your rest and it seems that this is something we will have to talk about when we are in the right state of mind, so let’s leave this conversation for our session on Saturday?”

“That sounds like a good idea Doc.”

“Great then it’s set,” Bucky heard a snap that could only be Xavier's notebook, “ And James I would like to apologize in regards to my husband Eric’s behavior earlier he just got back from a job and the jet lag wasn’t the best for him.”

“It’s alright Doc don’t worry I understand I mean I would have reacted the same way if someone would have called me at that time as well.”

“Well then goodnight James, or should I say morning instead”

“Night Doc, thanks again,” Bucky said before he hanged up, on the tv, there was a show going, one of Steve’s favorite that Sam and he would usually watch together constantly when off-mission, a sitcom of sorts of a man and women living in the suburbs as they try to hide their identity from their neighbors, Bucky shut it off enveloping the room in darkness.

Bucky knew that whatever happened on Friday, he would do whatever it took to prove that he was and could be James Buchanan Barnes again.

“When you told me you were going to buy me some Ice-Cream, I didn’t realize it came with the price of you dragging me to go shopping with you.” You said as you watched MJ browse around the bottoms section, it was hot outside the hottest it has been in New York since the first time you had arrived here, but not as hot as how Texas got in the summer that’s for sure.

After what had happened with Trevor, Ned and Peter had taken upon themselves to become your own personal escorts walking you to class and anywhere they could, at first you thought it was sweet being very grateful for friends who would gladly give you support but now all you could think about was a way to get rid of them for even just a second so you could breathe.

Finally the time cam when Peter was summoned by Mr. Stark for an experiment and Betty had taken one for the team and forced Ned to take her on a date keeping him away from you as long as she could, so here you were with MJ following her around as she looked for an outfit for the school banquet coming up. Searching through the plus size racks a shimmering material caught your eye and you couldn't help the trill that went through your body thinking that you had found something that you like , taking it off the rack you pulled it up to look at the size letting out a huff you put the shirt back into the rack your mood soured overtly being fooled that something so nice cold be offered to someone your size, starting to walk away you turned back tacking the shirt off and depositing it on another much similar sizes at its own not wanting someone to feel the disappointment just like you.

MJ had her arms covered in clothes and you couldn’t help the small ball of jealousy that went through you before squashing it down, giving up on finding anything for yourself in this store. “Hey MJ,” you called to her as she headed towards the dressing rooms, she turned towards you the clothes seeming to weigh her down, so you ignored that looking only at her face, “I’m gonna head over to the thrift shop two doors down, head over there when you’re done choosing something.”

MJ gave a nod of acknowledgement before turning back to the dressing rooms, stepping out of the air conditioned store you put on your sunglasses blocking out the sun as much as you could before beginning your trek down the sidewalk, sidestepping busy pedestrian you couldn't help thinking about the upcoming event would some very special guest. The Avengers were not a group that you would have thought to meet, yet here you were just mere hours before you finally had the chance to interact with the most powerful and out-of-ordinary individuals out there.

Dodging a skateboarder as he zoomed past you finally arrived at your destination ushering into the air-conditioned building, you could practically hear your mother telling you that what you were doing rushing in and out of the heat was not good for your health. The other reason for accepting MJ’s offer to go shopping, besides the free ice cream, was because you were still looking for an outfit to wear you knew you would be working but at the same time interacting with them was a big part of it so you wanted to look your best, and maybe it also had to do with a certain sargeant who had set everything in motion, even though of course he saw you fall on your face.

You blushed at the memory going towards the plus size isle seeing a variety of clothing awaiting you and you couldn't help the calm feeling that went over you when you realised there was no reason for you to feel in any way of disappointment for what you found. As you continue browsing from the corner of your eye you saw two extremely fit and thin women come onto your section beginning to browse where you had left off. The clenching of your stomach was unintentional almost as if you were sucking it in trying to make it less noticeable you shifted around adjust your shirt away from your body trying to stretch it out as much as you could wishing it wasn't sticking so close to your body, you heard one of the girls laugh at something the other had said and your thoughts began to go crazy.

“They’re laughing at you, they can see you for what you are a fat and l-”

“Excuse me, Miss?” you snapped out of your thoughts a tremor going through you as you turned towards one of the girls who was close to you, she had a bright smile on her face as she looked at you.

“Oh my!” she exclaimed, “It is you, it’s so nice to meet you I’m a huge fan of your videos, Are you out here looking for something? Do you happen to have your skates with you?” Shaking your head you realise what she was saying, your videos those videos of you skating around New York and campus, you looked down at your beat up sneakers dreading the fact tht you didn't have your skates feeling naked without them you looked at the girl shaking your head at her, “Sorry left them at home.”

You hoped she would go away feeling uncomfortable as she stood next to you, your anxiety rising as you realised that she was tiny and well compared to her you were just too much. Her friend said something too low for you to hear but the girl laughed looking at you from the corner of her eye and your throat began to feel as if it was closing up feeling squeamish you began to shift back trying to get away without being rude, just as you were about to step away you heard another voice and you froze completely.

You knew that voice it had been mocking at you for the past weeks, his words at a constant repeat as you avoided your reflection in the mirror. Trevor rounded the corner coming to stand behind the two girls before he noticed you standing there, he looked shocked before he shook himself out of it turning to the girl had been speaking to you, “Meg, baby lets go I still have to pick up my order on the way home and I don’t want to be late.”

He looked back at you dragging his gaze down your body, staring straight at your exposed legs and you couldn't help but shift at how uncomfortable that look in his eyes felt. You grabbed your bag placing it in front of you trying to. hide yourself from his look hoping that anything could come and save you in that moment, looking over their shoulders you found MJ stalking towards you murder in her eyes and it was all focused on Trevor, he turned trying to see what had caught your eyes when he saw MJ he paled before he practically draged his girlfriend and her friend away trying to get out before MJ could get to him.

You couldn’t help the breath you let out sinking on the floor letting your heated skin cool with the cold floor, trying to calm yourself as you sucked in deep and controlled breaths looking up at MJ who kept her distance knowing that you would ask for her help if you needed it. Finally after what felt like a lifetime you rose up MJ looked like she wanted to pull you in but she stopped herself knowing that you hated being touched after you had an episode, “Come on she said let’s go and buy that ice cream.”

MJ walked towards the exit calm as she could be you shuffled behind her trying to hide yourself away after what had happened, you gave yourself a sardonic smile, who knew that the day you shoo away your bodyguards would be the day you met your nightmare. As you both walked through the streets you couldn’t help your thoughts from going wild, how could this have happened on such a day, you thought about calling your therapist but thought against it last time you had talked to Xavier he mentioned Eric coming into town so you didn’t want to bother them at the moment.

When you finally arrived MJ opened the door letting you go in first, she was typing so fast her focus solely on her phone that she almost ran into a customer as we maneuvered around trying to find an empty seat, you pulled her aside dragging her along as you shimmied her into a booth you turned to your side and squeezed yourself in the table moving trying to accommodate to your size, the blush that rose to your face showed your embarrassment but looking around you noticed nobody had payed attention to you, so you calmed down at that.

MJ finally put her phone down with a satisfied look in her eyes and you couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor bastard who her anger was directed to, the first person you thought of was Trevor and you couldn’t help the small giggle you let out. MJ realized the cause of your giggles and gave you a huge grin before her phone began to blow up as she ignored it.

“So I bought you something,” she said as she pulled up a bag from the floor holding it out, you grabbed it gingerly as you opened it up and saw the shirt you had picked up earlier at the store, you closed the bag afraid of taking it out, “I saw you look at it earlier and I asked one of the workers to see if they had one in your size and they did it was their very last one actually and I just knew I had to get it for you.”

You looked at MJ not believing her words as you opened the bag again taking out the shirt and looking at its size, you couldn’t help the tears that came to your eyes at the sheer luck you had in having friends like MJ and the others who went above and beyond for you.

“MJ this is amazing thank you so much for this. I love it.” You gave her a watery smile beyond happy at it, she beamed up at you happy that she was able to give you something to smile for.

“Yeah I think it will look lovely on you, and hey,” She said as she got up, “Maybe you’ll even be able to catch the attention of a certain Sergeant at the party.”

Bucky stood outside the rink with the others as they waited for Peter to show up, earlier that day Steve and Bucky had gone out to eat a diner close to their apartment when Natasha had shown up raging about how excited she was about tonight’s event. She talked about how Tony and her had made a bet to see who of all the avengers was most likely to fall first and who would be the first one to give up.

Now here they were late in the evening waiting for Peter to join them so they would be able to get inside. Peter’s other friends were by the door, but Bucky couldn’t see Bibi anywhere and he didn’t know if to be nervous or not. After a few minutes Peter finally arrived swinging down from a building close by he landed close to his friends bumping fist with one and kissing the other on the cheek before finally turning towards them.

“Right, okay are you guys ready Bibi is in there waiting in on us so if you wanna follow me,” He turned back to the door making a series of knocks that sounded like a passcode when in fact they were just random noises being produced, the door opened and a head popped out a look of annoyance clear on her face and Bucky couldn’t help but think of it as adorable, Natasha had sneaked close to him as Peter and Bibi exchanged banter at door elbowed him in the stomach making a big gesture towards bibi a huge grin plastered onto her face, Bucky gave her an annoyed look as he moved away from her to Steve’s side.

Peter and Bibi must have finished their little fight since she finally pushed the door open and spread out her arms in a grand gesture, “Welcome Avengers to our humble, ummm” She paused glaring back at a grinning Peter, the girl next to him elbowed him but the smile never left his face, “Right, Welcome to our humble rink where I will take you for the ride of your lives.”

Peter smirked at the end of the speech before sauntering in as the other Avengers snickered at your words as they followed you inside the building, Bucky took a deep breath trying to calm his rising heartbeat before following. The building was lit up when they walked in most of the group had spread out from either talking to Peter’s friends or getting some skates from Bibi who was manning the counter, Natasha headed his way again before grabbing his arm to drag him to the counter, “Take charge, Sarge” she said before depositing him in front of her.

Outside he hadn’t gotten an actual look at her outfit but he couldn’t help but to admire her now, a nice sparkly top complemented her he could see now that she was wearing some sparkly skates a mid length skirt flared out around her legs and Bucky fought hard to look away. When he finally looked at her she was giving him a shy smile that made Bucky’s heart give a stutter.

“What’ll be Sarge?”

Prt.4

#plus size ofc #pluss size #original work #plus size oc #bucky x plus size reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fic #bucky x you

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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years ago

Text

The Cowboy - Part 4

Summary: Leaving the city for a rural area called Blayne seemed simple enough. Your task was to convince the people to agree with selling their land for a resort redevelopment. But once there, you soon realise that your city ways are entirely different to theirs. Winning their trust was going to take some effort, and when you start to fall for a local cowboy, you wonder if you really needed Blayne more than the city life after all.

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x female reader

Genre: cowboy au / drama / romance / if you squint there’s some enemies to lovers up in here.

Warnings: Jung Jaehyun is a cowboy, need I say more? (a bit of angst and drama, and it sometimes might feel like you’re reading a Nicolas Sparks book, so I’m told lol) --- there’s a bit of angst in this part

Word count: 2078

This series will be updated every Thursday and Friday.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

“That was delicious, thank you!”

“I hope you have room in your stomach for apple crumble,” Mr Jung said, leaning across the table towards you. “June is a mighty fine cook but an even greater baker.”

“The reason he married me, so he says.”

You smiled warmly, enjoying the banter between the pair. Their love for one another was evident. You hadn’t seen such a genuine display of affection in years. The city had jaded your parents and kept them looking for the next big project instead of cosy nights curled up together.

They’re professionals, you reminded yourself when you felt a sense of sadness for your parents. They don’t have time like they do out here.

“Were the heifers put into the bottom field?”

You had almost forgotten Jaehyun was sitting at your side until he cleared his throat then, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Yeah, I moved them this morning.”

“By yourself?”

“You had Caleb up in the high fields with you and Avery was otherwise preoccupied with someone,” he continued, and you felt eyes boring into the side of your head on the latter half of the conversation.

You smiled brightly. “It must take a lot of people to run such a big ranch like yours, Mr Jung.”

“We make do with the help we have.”

“We could do with three more men,” Jaehyun muttered, and you looked at him, pausing in saying anything in response when you noticed the dark look within the elder’s eyes.

Blayne was under-populated. You already knew this from the basic land per capita estimates online and in the business proposal for Blayne’s development. If more jobs were created here, then the farms that were struggling would be able to hire more help.

But Blayne also lacked housing. It would need to supply appropriate accommodation for new workers. You stewed over the thought of how many changes would be needed to not only make Blayne easily accessible but also improve the existing community until a dessert plate was placed in front of you.

Blinking out of your reverie, you beamed up at June. “I cannot wait to try it!”

After dinner, you thanked both your hosts generously. “I’ve not had a home-cooked meal quite as tasty as that before.”

“Your mother?” June enquired.

“She’s a professor at the School of Commerce.”

“Ah, she would have been too busy to make meals a priority.”

“It’s okay! I admire her for her work ethic. She’s taught me a lot. Both my parents have always been busy, but that’s how it is in the city.”

“Busy people don’t often see the bigger picture. I can tell by how eager you were to take up the position out here,” Mr Jung mentioned gruffly and you nodded despite his expression. “A woman of marrying age coming up here all alone is usually unheard of.”

“Perhaps Blayne will leave an impression on Y/N, honey.” June offered, patting her husband’s lower arm fondly. She then smiled at you. “You seem quite confident.”

“I’m hopeful I can make a positive change here,” you stated, your own smile fading when you heard a scoff, and then feet moving across the gravel behind you. Darting your focus to the disappearing man that had been waiting nearby, you looked back at his parents. “Thank you again!”

“We’ll have you over anytime, sugar!”

Turning on your heel, you took the pathway that Jaehyun had just departed down, finding him strapping up the horse that had brought you here earlier in the evening. You stopped near his side, frowning at his efforts. “Should you be asking the horse to work again?”

Jaehyun looked in your direction before returning his gaze back to his efforts, not answering your question.

“Your mother said it was too dark to ride last night. Shouldn’t we take the truck since the moon is now up in the sky?” you prompted, shifting your eyes to the heavens. You gasped in awe. “Wow, I’ve never seen such a clear night sky before!”

“Pollution inhibits that,” Jaehyun explained curtly, yanking on a strap and tightening it into place.

“It’s so beautiful out here, though. It’s a shame not many people have experienced it outside of a postcard.”

“Why don’t you save the speech for someone who is interested?”

“Excuse me?” Staring back at the man beside you, you tilted your head to the side. “You’re awfully moody tonight, Mr Cowboy.”

“Back to that name, huh?”

“Well, since you’re feeling a little cold towards me, I don’t know if it’s my place to call you by your first name,” you explained. Jaehyun didn’t respond again, and you sighed. “What did I do wrong?”

“Are you always this self-centred? Can’t you see the bigger picture than the goal inside your head?” Jaehyun questioned, sliding his hands onto his hips and finally facing you. He looked you over again, much as he had earlier when he first saw you as he jumped down from the wagon. Instead of the kindness you had experienced then, it was laced with scrutiny this time. You lowered your gaze to your outfit and stepped back.

“Hey…” you started, and then squared your jaw.

Just who was this guy to act so blunt with you? You should have stuck with believing he was the rude and full of assumptions jerk just as you had thought of him earlier in the day. Perhaps it was the fresh air and gentleness of the wagon ride that had softened your heart to him somehow. You should have known better to trust in your instincts.

Turning on your heel, you started walking down the drive towards the field you had travelled across from your place to the main homestead on this land. You didn’t get far before a hand reached out and yanked on your forearm roughly. “What are you doing?!”

“Going home!”

“Oh, is that so? Through a darkened field? See, this is why you belong in the city, Y/N. You have no idea about the dangers of a working farm. You’re used to living in tiny apartments and navigating mazes of streets and buildings and-”

“I didn’t come here to have you tell me what you think about me, Jaehyun.”

“No, I’m sure you didn’t. But you did come out here all alone with zero understanding of how the country works. You’re here to change how we are? What a joke. You have no concept of what Blayne is about. You’ve not even stopped to take the time to listen to those around you. Instead, you’re dreaming up something big that none of us wants. Can’t you tell that? We might be showing you some country hospitality right now, but don’t go thinking people want you here.”

“That’s incredibly evident, don’t you worry,” you bit back, shaking his grip off your arm.

Jaehyun ran an agitated hand through his hair before looking at you again. “I’ll take you home. Come on.”

“I’m good with directions. I’ll take myself back.”

“What you see during the day changes at night around here. Hate me all you like, but I’ll take you home so I don’t have to worry about you falling in an open drain pipe.”

You opened your mouth to refute the offer, but the image he had painted was enough for you to silently march back over to the wagon. Jaehyun checked everything over again and jumped up into the seat, his hand reaching down to help you up.

Stubbornly, you ignored it and heaved yourself into the seat.

The ride back home was silent, and you preferred it that way. After the outburst in the field, you had little to say to the man. You were grateful he seemed compliant of such silence and didn’t offer any conversation from his behalf either. All the same, you were somewhat holding out for an apology.

You gained none, however.

Leaping down from the wagon, you merely tipped your head as Jaehyun did in farewell and then headed inside without a single word. You watched as the wagon disappeared thereafter, and finally, let out a string of incoherent cursing and annoyance.

You blew a strand of hair away from your face and glowered out the window. “God, I hate him.”

When the morning rose, you got up with a new plan in place. The night before, you had spent the first part of it packing your belongings and then unpacking several times over. You were done with Blayne. If the people didn’t want you here, then you would take heed of their warning and leave.

However, you had been too confident when your boss assigned you with this project.

“They will resist change, you know.”

You nodded. “Of course, but I’m equipped to handle it.”

“Are you?”

“You wouldn’t have pitched the proposal to me if you didn’t think I was the best to acquire the deal, Pierce.”

That, along with the fact that everyone seemingly had bets on when you’d depart played into your new resolve. You would show them just how capable you truly were.

First, however, you needed more information. “Is there a local library or archives here, May?”

“Library?”

You nodded. “Or a town hall? Surely the public can access the information there?”

“Our town hall was burned down ten years ago,” another person at the diner counter mentioned, despite May’s obvious hand swatting him off. He smiled at you. “You’ll have to go to the town over for anything like that.”

“Thank you, you’ve been a great help. Thanks for the coffee, May!”

Once in your car again, you headed back down the country highway and took the forty-five minute drive to the closet township. You cried with comforting relief when you heard the usual bleeps of your phone notification ring in succession.

“Ah, I’m back in a place of proper civilisation!”

Although this township had most amenities, you still were surprised by how small the town hall was. Having no luck there, you went next door to the equally quaint library and piled up all the documents and texts you could find on Blayne.

With a pen in hand ready to take down notes, you picked up the first journal and began to read.

You weren’t aware of how long you spent perusing the history of the area or familiarising yourself with the generations of family lines that were born and bred in Blayne. Stopping on an interesting line in the Jung family, you let out a low whistle. “June and May aren’t originally from Blayne?”

“Perhaps Blayne will leave an impression on Y/N, honey.”

June’s comment from last night pulled a smile onto your lips. At least there seemed to be one person rooting for your stay in Blayne.

It was then when you saw how late into the afternoon it was and you collected up your belongings, asking a clerk if you could take a couple of the history logs with you. After registering with the library and checking them out, you stepped into the warm air, smiling triumphantly at your discovery.

You then pulled out your phone, browsing through the messages you had received. Natalia had contacted you the most, and you pressed call instead of replying, waiting for the call to connect.

“You didn’t let me know if you got there safely!”

“I couldn’t really, the signal out in that place is something else,” you admitted with a grin as you headed to your car. You climbed inside it and then sighed. “I miss you, Natty.”

“Not enough to assure me that you’re alive!”

“Come on, it’s only been a few days, and I’m talking to you now. Isn’t that enough?” you humoured, watching a family cross the intersection up ahead. The little girl skipping across the road seemed so carefree compared to what you had been at that age.

You wondered if the city environment had made you cynical or if that was just who you naturally were.

Natalia cleared her throat and gained your attention again. “Yeah, yeah. So, any hot cowboys out there?”

The image of Jaehyun immediately appeared in your mind, and it ruined your mood entirely. “No. Not a single one.”

“Aw man, here I had you pegged for having a hot summer romance with some farm boy out there.”

“I’m here to work, Natty,” you reminded, both for hers and your sakes. “Even if there was someone handsome, he’s not going to do anything for me.”

_________________

Part 5

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nosferatvpussy · 4 years ago

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distorted lullabies [chapter XV]

Word count: 5,674

Warnings: vulgar language

Pairing: Dracula x female reader

Not the gif I wanted but I was too lazy to search for longer.

AO3 link

_______________

My ears rang with the grating sound of Judge Llewellyn’s voice projecting inside the courtroom. I glanced at my wristwatch. The session should have been over at 4.30pm but it was now past 5. Through the window closest to me, I could see that the sky had lost its orange clouds amidst light blue in favour of pinks and deep blues. Dracula would start calling me incessantly at any moment now, like he’d done yesterday.

Surreptitiously, I slid a hand on my trousers’ front pocket and grabbed my phone. I eased back on my seat to glimpse the screen from under the table. Jane Grisham’s client – my newest client as of yesterday, actually – huffed at my side but I ignored him; my problem was life or death, his was the possibility of ten years in prison which he well deserved.

No messages from Count Dracula so far, except the ones from last night. I scrolled up the texts. Odd. I dared bring the phone closer to check if my phone was on airplane mode to justify this but I could see three bars at the top indicating that I had signal.

“Are we boring you, Miss L/N?”

I scrambled into a proper posture as I clicked the phone off and hurriedly put it back in my pocket. My eyes met Judge Llewellyn’s up in his pulpit and I forced an innocent smile at his chiding stare.

“Apologies, my lord. Please proceed.”

The prosecutor, a scrawny old man, raised a contemptuous eyebrow at me before he continued scribbling on a notebook. Llewellyn was nearing the end of the session, going over court dates and times, which was indeed boring, and I knew he would email the details later to make sure nobody made any mistakes, so his speech wasn’t as important as he thought.

I rubbed the corners of my eyes as much as my make up would allow to try and clear the sensation that I had sand in my eyes from lack of sleep. I’d gotten only two hours of sleep – that is, if I combined all the moments I nodded off when shuffling through files, otherwise I wouldn’t say I’d slept at all. I had spent the night staring at the window until sunrise, listening to every minimal sound that could indicate that Count Dracula had found me hiding in Mallory’s guestroom. When Mallory finally woke up earlier that morning, I had already gotten ready for work, stuffed all my things back in my suitcase, made us breakfast and sat down with a cup of untouched tea to mull over what I was going to say to Dracula. By the time Mallory and I left for work, I was confident with my little speech but as the day stretched on and exhaustion settled over me, I doubted that I was capable of many coherent thoughts. Facing Count Dracula when my head was a jumble and I could scarcely keep my eyes open wasn’t ideal but I had no other choice. My ten days were beyond over.

Llewellyn briefly interrupted himself as the courtroom’s door opened with a creak. He regarded whoever had entered the courtroom before resuming. Clicking heels approaching me made me turn my head just in time to see Mallory taking a seat behind me with the audience, a stern look on her face.

Without turning away from the court, I leaned back to give her my ear.

“St Thomas Hospital called me just now, they’re letting Renfield out,” she whispered. My foot bumped into the table as if I had just been shocked by high voltage. My mouth opened and closed. None of what Mallory had just said made sense. She placed a hand on my shoulder. “Dracula vouched for him to leave, he’s one of Renfield’s emergency contacts, apparently. The nurse told me that Dracula called them to say that you will be picking up Renfield after release hours tonight because you’re caught up in court duty. Renfield gave the nurse my number so I could notify you. Y/N, how did Dracula know you’d be in court until late? Is he stalking you?”

My head started spinning from the moment Mallory said Dracula had vouched for Renfied, and I failed to process the rest of what she’d said.

Was he taunting me because the ten days were up? Was it a threat to Renfield’s life? A threat that he could hurt the people around me because I didn’t abide to his deadline?

“We’re adjourned,” Llewellyn declared, and I shot up from my seat at once, gathering my things as quickly as I could before striding out of the courtroom with Mallory at my side; my client forgotten.

“Y/N, is he stalking you?” she asked again when we were at the Royal Courts of Justice’s halls.

“I don’t know! Maybe. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“You can’t keep seeing him if he is.”

“I don’t really have a choice in that matter, Mal,” I scoffed. She grabbed my elbow to make me look at her. Noting her scowl, I continued, “He’s a client, I can’t deny seeing him if he requests.” It wasn’t a lie but wasn’t the proper explanation either.

“Don’t play stupid with me, you know what I meant. Y/N, if he’s dangerous–”

“He is. He is very dangerous but I can deal with him,” I said, forcing my voice to sound strong to make me believe it, too. I untangled myself from Mallory. “I’ve got to go pick up Renfield. Talk to you later, Mal.”

______________________________________________________

“Miss? We’re here,” said the cabbie.

By his tone I knew he had said it at least once before and I hadn’t heard him.

Renfield should be waiting for me inside St Thomas Hospital with his bags packed and a harmless, sane look in his eyes, at least I hoped. Count Dracula could be waiting in there, too, waiting for me to walk right into his arms. If I was smarter and less tired, I would give the cabbie Mallory’s address, but I couldn’t run forever.

I rubbed my forehead. Exhaustion made it harder to evaluate all the possible consequences if I walked out of the car and into the hospital.

“Can you wait for me here?” I finally said to the cabbie. “I’m picking up someone and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“No problem,” he said, glancing at the taximeter with a small smile in his mouth.

I considered my suitcase in the backseat and left, unconcerned. There wasn’t anything valuable in there to a cabbie, unless he had a secret propensity for crossdressing.

My legs guided me through the hospital as if I was on autopilot while I cast furtive glances at every corner. More than once my heart sank when I saw a tall silhouette at the end of a hallway until I realised it was too short or too skinny to be Count Dracula.

Breathing was a hard task when I neared the psych ward but it was too late to turn back. People passed me, watery eyes and runny noses as a little girl complained that her dad sounded funny and asked her mother why dad drooled all the time and wouldn’t blink. The mother looked at me and I focused ahead of me, pretending I hadn’t heard any of that.

Nurse Margaret greeted me with a warm smile when I stopped at the nurse’s station inside the psych ward.

“Wondered if you’d really come. Your fiancée said you were quite busy.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“My what?”

“Your fiancée,” she repeated, enunciating the word clearly like I’d missed it the first time. “He called earlier and said that Mr. Renfield will be getting his treatments from home now and that you’d come tonight to sign his release forms.”

“He’s not my fiancée.”

“Oh. I must’ve heard him wrong, then, but I’m sure he said the word bride…” her gaze was lost in thought for a moment.

“Where do I sign?” I asked with more than a touch of impatience.

Margaret frowned lightly at my rudeness but retrieved a thin stack of papers from below her desk. Using a pen, she pointed at several paragraphs while she repeated without reading, almost word for word, what was written. Because Renfield had been committed on account of violent behaviour he would have to attend psychotherapy sessions inside St Thomas Hospital and see a psychiatrist every fifteen days – Nurse Margaret informed me that the normal procedure was usually every week but Renfield’s doctor had seen fantastic improvement and decided that fifteen days was more adequate in his case until he was deemed mentally healthy. She showed me where to sign and reminded me at each turn of a page that Renfield would be under my responsibility since I was permitting his release. When I was done signing everything, Margaret left to get Renfield.

Minutes rolled by and I paced around the waiting room like I was a caged beast, peering around corners, breath hitching in my chest whenever I heard a man’s voice. Clicking high heels drew me out to the hallway and I exhaled in relief upon seeing Renfield striding next to Nurse Margaret and a male nurse carrying a box. He was dressed in the very same clothes he had been wearing the morning he attacked me but they were clean and looked a little bigger on his frame than they did before. His glasses slid down his nose as he walked. They were too big for his face but he never wore another pair, even when I gave him new ones on his birthday. I smiled as he pushed them back over the bridge of his nose. Stubborn man. He smiled back.

“Happy to leave?” I asked him.

“You’ve got no idea,” he replied, and surprised me by planting a kiss to my forehead. I froze for a second. He was usually awkward about physical contact with almost anyone. Therapy must have driven another man to crawl out of him. “You didn’t come visit me last week. How was the wedding?”

“Not great,” I said, staring into his eyes. They didn’t change, so I assumed he didn’t know what had happened. He could also be wearing his courtroom face which was just as good as mine, better even.

At that, Margaret said her goodbyes with a warm smile and told us that Roger, the slender nurse carrying a cardboard box, would accompany us down with Renfield’s books. I noticed Renfield analysing me as I fidgeted inside my shoes and forced myself to stop. Roger tried to make small talk on the way out but I couldn’t give him more than a few words.

The taxi was parked in the same exact spot as before. The cabbie nodded at me, blowing out smoke before throwing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it. My feet hurt as I hurried towards him and my worry subsided a little. I’d made it. Renfield was out and I hadn’t seen Count Dracula. It wasn’t a trap but I still didn’t understand his true intention by doing so.

The cabbie opened the door for me and I entered the car, relaxing in my seat to feel the coolness of the window against my forehead. Roger placed the box next to me so when Renfield took a seat, it laid between us.

“Why am I out?” Renfield asked in the short pause it took for the cabbie to close our door and round the car towards the driver’s seat.

I stared at him.

“If you don’t know, what makes you think I would?”

“You’re his brid–” Renfield cut the word short when the cabbie threw himself behind the wheel. He leaned forward and gave the cabbie his address. When he spoke to me again, his voice was low over the sound of the car’s engine. “From my experience, the Count isn’t particularly kind and I know he would never do this for me, especially after my little outburst. There must be a reason for this benevolence.”

“At the wedding he said that you could have some of his things shipped from Romania to London. Maybe he has need of them now.”

Renfield gave me a lopsided smile. It was usually the smile he reserved for cross examining witnesses. A venomous snake just before it struck.

“The wedding. Something happened there, didn’t it?” He inquired. I chose to look out of the window instead of facing him. “You won’t look at me, which means I’m right. Please tell me you were smart enough to listen to what I told you.”

Surrender with arms wide open or he’ll hurt you and those around you. Listen to me. He will.

I surrendered but not fast enough. Not fast enough to take back everything I had done.

“I really should have listened to you,” I confessed. “He did exactly what you said he would.”

“Even though he’s lived a long time, patience isn’t one of his virtues, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t lack of patience,” I muttered. “Actually, he’s been nothing if not patient with me. I went behind his back and it blew up in my face, and you don’t need to chastise me about it. I’ve got enough guilt as it is.”

“What did he do?”

A weird question from him. Finally, I met his eyes again and was surprised to find that I knew the man behind them.

“Mallory,” I said as a means of explanation. There wasn’t much we could say with the cabbie listening. “She’s okay, though.”

“So are you,” Renfield said as he extended a hand and brushed my hair away from my neck.

“For now. I owe him an explanation, which I was supposed to give it to him yesterday but work happened. I’m not sure how he’ll–” I regarded Renfield for the second time that night. “You’re worried about me?”

“Of course I am.” He frowned, seemingly offended that I had to ask. “I wear glasses but I’m not completely blind. You haven’t been sleeping,” he said as he tapped under his eye. Covering my dark circles with a decent amount of concealer obviously didn’t disguise it enough. “And you were fidgeting inside the hospital because you were afraid of encountering Count Dracula. Cowardice is a horrible look on you, Y/N.”

“You haven’t asked me what I did to Dracula.”

“It mustn’t have been good to drive him towards Mallory. And why should it matter what you did to him? It’s no excuse.”

“Oh, my god,” I murmured, staring at him in shock as I pieced it together. The kiss to the forehead, his concern, the completely sane look to his eyes...

“What? Did you think I’d defend him if he hurt you?”

“He released you,” I said. Renfield’s frown deepened as he looked from me to the hospital like I had just stated the obvious. “He released you from him,” I spoke quietly so the cabbie wouldn’t hear it but Renfield did. His face paled until it was stark white in the car’s low light.

“No…”

“Would you ever speak of him this way if he hadn’t?”

He shook his head.

Letting Renfield out of the hospital wasn’t a threat or a ploy to get me. It was a gift. However dim the possibility, my brain latched on to the idea that it wasn’t simply a gift, but an apology. Being merciful wasn’t at all like Dracula. It wouldn’t fix what he had done but it was something. If he had freed Renfield out of the goodness of his heart or if he had done it for ulterior motives, it didn’t really matter. I had begged for Renfield and offered myself up in exchange and Dracula had dismissed my attempts. Before, he had never cared how much that hurt me. And now this; an abrupt kindness to make up for his deeds.

“He wouldn’t– no,” Renfield grumbled. “Why– he, he can’t… he can’t do this to me. I’ll be alone.”

“You’ll have me,” I retorted.

“No, you’re his. I know you are. It’s in your eyes, and you want it, too. You’ll be like him and who will I be, hm?” His voice was thin but carried the weight of restrained emotion. “Nobody, I’ll be nobody. In a few years the both of you won’t even remember me.”

To my horror, twin tears streamed down his face.

Dracula had called him weak once, and suddenly I understood why he could see Renfield like that. Renfield himself had said that he didn't exist without Count Dracula but I’d deduced he had been made to believe that as a slave. His weeping told of an abandonment I couldn’t understand, and hoped never would. As much as I dreaded the idea, some people can only fathom existence if they have a leash around their neck to guide them. Sometimes the leash is religion or politics, and least often it is a centuries old vampire. It comforted Renfield, I supposed, this feeling of unquestionable certainty, and to have that teared away debased him.

Revulsion wrapped its claws around my ankles until it creeped up to my face in a scowl. It wasn’t Renfield’s fault that this world had made him like this and I shouldn’t blame him for wanting direction under a tight fist of a warlord, and yet I found that an ugly part of me despised him for it. Did that mean I shared something in common with Count Dracula? One of his defects?

“It’ll pass,” I told Renfield, looking out the window. “You’ll find your footing again soon. And no matter what you think or what happens, I’ll remember you.”

Despite his desolation, I was glad that he was back to himself. If it made me selfish, so be it. Although I wasn’t sure I was more pleased that Renfield was himself again or that Dracula had done it for me.

When we arrived at Renfield’s flat in Chelsea, he refused any help to carry his belongings out of the car, so he stumbled out with the cardboard box and his small suitcase. At my request, the cabbie waited until I was sure Renfield was safe inside his building and then I gave him my address.

I fished my phone from my purse and skimmed through my texts. Still none from Dracula. My fingers started typing before I could really think about what I was doing.

_____________________________________________________

Count Dracula knocked briefly on Lucy’s balcony door before opening it. She had been lying on her stomach, texting someone, but turned around to greet him with a kittenish grin. The bed’s covers were instantly thrown away with a swift movement to expose her legs.

“Finally! I thought you were giving up on me,” she exclaimed, rising on the bed to stand on her knees. He allowed her to pull him closer by his jacket’s lapels but when she neared his lips, he turned his face slightly to the side and she kissed only the corner of his mouth. “Nobody ignores my texts, you know.”

“Alas, I did”– he raised an eyebrow– “but you were begging for me and I had to come to put an end to it.”

That elicited another grin from her. A few days ago he would have found it charming, it was odd that it didn’t get a reaction out of him now. He hadn’t spent time with Lucy ever since before the wedding, so maybe that’s all he needed to warm up to her again – time.

“Tell me you’re taking me out tonight,” she goaded, pouting.

“Don’t you have class tomorrow morning?”

“Yes but–”

“Then no.” He pushed her back on the bed and she fell with a laugh. “I’d rather do this,” he murmured as he climbed on top of her.

She wriggled under him, doing her best to incite him as she rubbed her neck near his mouth, her hips twisting in need as her legs wrapped about his waist to brush up against him. He let her touch him, and he waited for desire to rise. She whined when he didn’t respond to her advances.

Nothing stirred in him. He rolled off of her, throwing an arm over his face. His arm was lifted not a second later and he glanced at Lucy as she wrapped it around herself to snuggle up to his chest. He patted her shoulder, gazing up at the star pattern stamped on Lucy’s ceiling. Releasing Renfield should appease Y/N, which is what he wanted, but so far there was no news from her. He couldn’t stay in his home pacing around as he waited for a call. And then Lucy’s text had arrived and he decided it was better to go distract himself. No use so far.

“Did you have fun on your trip?” She asked him softly.

“Up to a point.”

“Did you miss me?”

“No, not really,” he said. Lucy chuckled, as she always did whenever he was too serious. He wasn’t sure if she interpreted his seriousness as a joke or if she laughed it off because she didn’t know how to react.

“But you’re here,” she continued.

“It seems so, yes.”

He could tell that she wanted him to say that he had missed her but he wouldn’t lie. If she was hurt, then it was for the best.

Lucy quickly maneuvered herself so she could straddle him. His hands automatically went to her thighs as she settled in a comfortable position.

“Okay, so you didn’t come here to talk or to take me out.” Lowering her body over his, she popped a button on his shirt. Then another. “We can do other stuff, more interesting stuff…” Another button opened and she splayed her hands on his chest, stroking his skin. She moved her hips back and forth over his and his body stirred in response. Ah, so he wasn’t completely immune to her, it seemed. When she leaned in to kiss him, he let her. He breathed in her scent, and the charm was broken as swiftly as it had begun. It wasn’t the smell of honey he so longed for. “You’re being weird,” Lucy mumbled against his lips before pulling back to observe him.

Shutting his eyes, he forced himself to relax, concentrating on wiping Y/N’s scent from his brain. He covered Lucy’s hands with his own when he felt a tug on another button. Her fingers persisted but a light squeeze on them made her stop.

“How come?”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to fuck because god knows all you want to do is drink me but you’re barely touching me, and usually you can’t keep your hands to yourself.” She wiggled her hips. “You’re not even hard, and I’m really trying here, Drac.” He laughed at her pout. She had never looked so offended since he’d met her and he had said things to her that would make anyone’s blood curdle. “It’s not funny. I was right that time, wasn’t I? You really don’t want me anymore.”

He opened his mouth to answer her, then his phone vibrated in his pocket, and froze. Lucy narrowed her eyes at him and glanced at the lit screen shining through the fabric of his trousers. She plucked his phone out, swatting his hands away when he tried to take it from her, and pushed off of his lap. He gripped thin air when she scooted out of the bed. He clenched his jaw. Lucy’s bratty behaviour was something he had learnt to enjoy but he didn’t find anything fun about it now.

“Give it to me, Lucy,” he said, holding out a hand as he sat. She bit her lip and shook her head to the sides as the phone lit her face from beneath. “Fine, then. Read the message aloud, please.”

“ I’m heading home now if you want to talk. And thank you. ” She read, making a face. “Who’s Y/N?”

Dracula grinned. A thank you from her was enough to bring him contentment, more than Lucy’s playful nature ever would. That boy from the pub, Trent, was apparently correct in saying that doing something nice for her might draw her out. If Dracula knew the outcome would be so perfect, he would have spared him for that alone.

“My lawyer,” he said, his grin widening. “Give it back to me, Lucy.”

She placed the phone in his palm with an eye roll before sprawling on the bed again.

“Is she the reason why you’re leaving me?”

“How could I leave you if we weren’t together to begin with?”

“Ouch.”

“I swore I’d be sincere with you from the start, and I also told you this wouldn’t become a relationship. Save your ‘ouch’,” he told her, smirking.

Taking advantage that Lucy appeared momentarily distracted by his words, he opened his texts. Beneath Y/N’s text, there was an opened one from Chelsea. He deleted it without reading it. She’d given him her number yesterday and while he thought to discard it, he was glad he hadn’t. After all, it was useful so he could find out when Y/N would be leaving work and Chelsea, appealing to gain his attention, had kindly provided the information that Y/N would be busy with court until late. It gave him a small window to call the hospital until the message reached her that Renfield was being released. Cutting the servitude ties to Renfield was as simple as closing a door. It opened another so he could make his way back to Y/N.

A sniffle drew his attention up as he was typing. Lucy turned her face toward him from where she lied, batting wet eyelashes at him.

“Lucy… Crying over me?” He smiled. “Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t get your heart broken and that you would be the one doing the heart breaking?”

“I’m crying because I never thought someone would reject me.” She huffed, and he laughed again, earning him a light, playful smack on the shoulder. “It’s sort of absurd.”

“You’re irredeemably spoiled.”

“I know.” She wiped the tears before crawling into his lap and pushing his arms away so she could fit between them. His phone was cast somewhere among her pillows. Lucy’s curls bounced as she settled on top of him and he smoothed them, being careful not to accidentally pull one. The time he’d done that, Lucy had made his ears ring from complaining so much. “But you like me anyway?” He simply nodded. “Hm. Can I meet her?”

“What?” He asked, as if his hearing had failed for the first time in centuries.

“Can I meet Y/N?”

“Why?”

“I want to see what I’m up against.”

“It’s not a competition, Lucy–”

“Okay. But what if–” she gave him a malicious smile “–c’mon, imagine… If I like her too, then maybe the three of us–”

“Lucy–”

“No, hear me out. It’s actually brilliant, and it’d be fun. I’ve never done anything like it. And if you make her a vampire too–”

“Lucy, stop.” He shook her lightly, making her furrow her eyebrows. “It could be fun, yes. Terribly fun, actually,” he said as he considered the image Lucy’s suggestion conjured. “But it’s not happening. None of it.”

“None of it?” She repeated.

“None, dear,” he asserted. A smile struggled on the corners of his mouth. He had come to see Lucy for one reason but now he wondered his true motivation. Had he known what he was doing, subconsciously? “I won’t come to see you anymore.”

She gaped.

“You’re going to let me wither and die, aren’t you?” she accused.

He chuckled, tilting his head.

“I trust you’ll find some inventive way to kill yourself before you reach old age.”

“You are my inventive way! You promised me eternal life, that I’d pretty forever–”

“Lucy…” he grabbed her jaw to make her stop talking and she whined, although her eyes twinkled slightly at his bruteness. “I really don’t care. I’ve made my decision.”

Tears appeared on her eyes.

“Oh, please, stop with the crying,” he requested, cupping her cheek so a thumb could catch a fat tear before it spilled. He licked it, savouring the salt of her hurt. “I’ve had to deal with vast amounts of it lately and I don’t deserve your tears. They won’t get you anywhere with me.” He sighed. “I don’t want you anymore, Lucy, but it has nothing to do with you. I’ve simply found what I was looking for in someone else. And in her alone.” He smiled. “Y/N is my perfect fruit.”

“You don’t have to be mean,” she grumbled.

“You’ve never seen me being mean. I realise now that I said the same words to you once and I thought them to be true at the time but not anymore. I don’t regret our time together, Lucy, and I’ll enjoy remembering it years from now. This is goodbye.”

Delicately, he started pushing her out of his lap but she grappled on to him. If she continued being a brat he might have to pry her hands away. When he gazed into her eyes he glimpsed in them an unforeseen sobriety. He hadn’t thought she was capable of it.

“You won’t make me a vampire. I don’t want to grow old, and I won’t, so before you leave me, will you give me death? A sweet, tragic death that will make people wail at my funeral and say “oh poor Lucy, gone so soon”? Pretty, pretty please?”

“Vain until your last moments, aren’t you, Lucy?”

“Always,” she proclaimed with a proud tilt of her chin. “Give me at least that if you’re going to dump me. What’s there to live for anyway?”

Dark eyes studied her face as he inhaled her scent. There was no fear tainting his senses. Lucy never feared anything from him which was what had drawn him to her at first, yet it wasn’t powerful enough to hold his interest. She didn’t want more out of life except for death. In that sense, Y/N and Lucy were entirely opposites. One couldn’t live forever if life’s eternal paths didn’t interest them; at least Y/N searched for something worth living for.

“Are you serious?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. She nodded solemnly. “Death is not a caprice. You can’t take it back, Lucy. If this is your last hope that I’ll keep you, that I’ll suddenly change my mind at the last second, then you underestimate me.”

“I’m dead serious,” she said, widening her eyes at her own joke. Dracula’s expression didn’t change. “I am, Drac. And why do you care?”

“I don’t.”

“Then do it,” she urged before brushing her hair away and exposing her neck to him.

Scars marked her neck and he bent forward instinctively, like it beckoned him closer. Lucy leaned in, her tiny chest heaving next to his, and he enveloped her in a tight embrace. Choosing to kill Lucy would leave only Y/N in his path, by doing it he would kill yet another bride, the one he was most certain would survive the metamorphosis. However glorious was that possibility there was nothing about Lucy that would make him want her as a companion.

“As a last courtesy…” he whispered, laying his lips on a vein. Her pulse accelerated and the vein jumped, coaxing him to take it cautiously between his teeth. “Lucy, my darkling… I’ll be your easeful Death.” He smiled at his own quotation but she didn’t seem to quite catch it. Y/N would have understood it. She stimulated everything in him, and managed to ignite parts of him that had been long forgotten. He hungered for her like he hungered for blood. What did Lucy do to him? Nothing, nothing, nothing.

His teeth cut through her and she slumped, melting into him. The taste of her blood was familiar and did not sing to him as it once did. He devoured her methodically. A flavorless drink, like an alcoholic’s bottle of choice. She didn’t move once, not even when death’s spasms should have seized her body.

Once she grew cold, utterly depleted of blood, he laid her on the bed, arranged the covers around her and fluffed the pillows. After considering it, he closed her eyes with the tips of his fingers and fixed the crown of curls about her head. Her dainty lips were slightly parted in her pout. A pretty picture for her mother to find – sweet and tragic, like Lucy had asked. He admired her for a moment and nodded in approval. It had been fun and if she wanted death, it was only right that he gave it to her.

Dracula’s shirt clung to the sides of his chest, dampened by the little blood that had escaped his mouth. He considered the dark swirls of hair on his chest muddled by red liquid; a shower was in order when he got home. His shirt made a muffled, wet sound as he buttoned it up.

His phone rested near Lucy’s shoulder. The screen was smeared with red but it was no trouble seeing through it as he opened Y/N’s message again.

It would be late at night until he made himself presentable to her, and she would be tired until then. Killing a bride in favour of another also occupied his mind more than he expected. Y/N had ensnared him, completely. He was used to it being the other way around. He had given her time and in that time he had done nothing but kill to cleanse himself from her. It hadn’t worked. Perhaps it was time he did some reflection of his own, before they met again.

Truce for now, we meet tomorrow. You’re welcome.

“She’s making me soft,” he muttered to himself. He eyed Lucy and rose an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you say so, dear?”

A/N: Writing this chapter was a struggle, especially the last scene. Once again, not the right mindset for it in my opinion. For those who aren't familiar with what Dracula quotes, it's from Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats. As a treat, I'll let you all know that they'll be reunited in the next chapter... and that's all I'll say about that.

@festering-queen @feralstare @rheabalaur @a-dorky-book-keeper @thorin-smokin-shield @dreamer2381 @deborahlazaroff @illbegoinhome @saint-hardy @girlonfireice @mr-kisskiss-bangbang @iwasjustablur @crossoverqueen89 @vampirescurse @blue-serendipity @sunscreenfeverdream @25ocurer @daydreaming136 @hello-itsbarbie @princessayveke

#I think I tagged everyone #if not let me know #dracula 2020 #dracula netflix #bbc dracula #dracula bbc #dracula fanfic #dracula fic #claes bang #claes bang fanfic #dracula x reader #distorted lullabies #vampire fanfic

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oneoftheextras · 4 years ago

Text

Colour Changer | two

masterlist | tip jar

warnings: +18, jealousy, verbal fighting, alcohol, angst & bit o’ drama (also endeavour if that needs to be put as a warning)

word count: 4.4k

part 1 | part 2 |

Things were good with Keigo for a while, when you both had a day off of work you would spend hours watching movies and doing all the couplely things that you would roll your eyes to.

That was before he stopped turning up to your dates, before he stopped sitting at the bar during your shifts to help them go by quicker, and before he no longer replied to your texts.

It had been 3 weeks since you heard from him, his last response to you was “Yeah” and nothing else. You had called and text him multiple times since, but he stopped reading them in the first week.

It was exactly 3 days ago when you sent him one last text asking if you were over and he hadn’t responded - you could only take that as a ‘yes’.

The thought of something happening to him during a patrol crossed your mind, but you’d seen through social media and the news that he’d been going out to parties and had been seen recently. There was no excuse you could have given him, he was ignoring you.

Trying to savour the last of your pride, you blocked his number. You weren’t interested in anything he had to say.

At least you still had your job. You’d actually picked up more shifts at the bar since your ‘break up’ to try and keep yourself busy, there was something about spending time alone in your apartment that reminded you of him.

It hurt, you weren’t going to lie to yourself, it probably hurt more than it should have done. But this was the first time you had let down your guard for someone, and this was how they treated you.

You tried not to think about it.

It was your 9th consecutive shift at the bar and some of your regulars had started to notice that you were working more than normal, as well as your boss.

“You working more shift’s has actually improved our business, a lot of the customers are showing up more just because you’re here more often” they had said before the start of your shift, then they proceeded to slide your pay check across the table to you.

When you opened it up and saw that your pay rate had increased, you opened your mouth to ask if there was a mistake, you didn’t want them on your ass about it later down the line.

“You earned it” they said, giving you a pat on the back as they left the bar in your hands. It was a Thursday night, so you were in charge of a small team, mainly first year college kids trying to pay rent.

This shift was going on as normally as any other, when 10pm struck the normal crew of Heroes strolled in, probably wanting to relax from their hard day of patrols and fighting.

“Endeavour, you’re looking as happy as ever” you joked with the man sitting at the bar, he grumbled slightly as you instinctively started making his usual. “What’s got you looking extra gloomy today?” you asked him, just wanting some conversation out of someone over the age of 18.

“Paperwork” he mumbled before taking the freshly made drink from your hands and knocking it back, apparently it had really been a bad day. “Oh, ew” you tried to sympathise with him, “We’ve got this whole charity Gala coming up soon and for some reason it’s fallen on me to organise it” by the time he had finished explaining he had finished his drink.

Almost like a conveyer belt, as soon as the glass touched the counter, you had already scooped it up and started giving him a refill. “Actually that reminds me-” he said, wiping away the residue of alcohol that had fallen onto his beard “-are you free this Saturday?” he made eye contact with you, something Endeavour rarely did. You felt a chill go down your spine.

Mentally going through your calendar, you remembered your boss forcing you to take the weekend off, something about labour law and you not being legally allowed to work that many days.

“I might be” you side eyed him as you put his second drink down, “Why? Are you trying to get me alone?” you casually raised an eyebrow at him, it had been so long since you had flirt with anyone, the feeling was strange but not so completely alien to you.

To your surprise, a deep chuckle and a slight smile came out of him, “Someone else has organised the catering and they’re insisting they bring their own bartender”, as soon as he said the last word you knew where this was going, “I don’t trust them, I’d rather have someone I know is capable” he never broke eye contact with you.

Immediately you were trying to think of an excuse to say no, you wished you had said you were working “I-” you started but was interrupted “Hawks will be there-” now it was your turn to interrupt him by groaning “Please don’t talk to me about him” you rolled your eyes.

Honestly, it was the first time you had heard his name since everything, “I thought you guys had a thing going on?” Endeavour asked, yet again, finishing his drink - you had no idea where he put all that alcohol. “Yeah, well, so did I. Until he ghosted me” you weren’t exactly sure why you were being so open with the number one Hero, but here you were.

“I’m sorry” he sounded as though he actually meant it, if you weren’t already looking at him, you would have doubted it left his mouth. “I still need someone, and with you I’d know the event was going to be a success, I’ll pay you more than you get here” his tone was still soft, as though he was walking on glass, but he knew what he wanted.

Poking your tongue out between your lips to wet them before you spoke, you feigned cockiness “Actually, I just got a raise, apparently people come here to see me”, before you had even finished your sentence, he had raised an eyebrow as though you were insulting him.

“Whatever they’re paying you, I’ll double it” straightened his back as though now that he was talking business the niceties were gone. “Double a shift’s wage? That’s not worth-“ he cut you off, “Double your yearly, for one night” he folded his arms.

If you had been drinking something, you’d have spat it out, but instead your eyes flickered in disbelief and your mouth parted slightly.

Smirking, knowing he’d basically won you over already, he wrote down the details on a napkin and handed it to you along with 50 thousand Yen - before you could question it, he spoke up “It’s a black suit event so get something nice for yourself”.

He didn’t wait for confirmation before changing the subject, at least he kept you company for the rest of the night.

You’d taken Endeavour’s advice and went shopping for a new black dress for the Gala, you had to at least look the part even if you didn’t want to be there. The dress you decided on was tight and hugged you in all the right places, it was very flattering, you had debated on whether or not to go for a nice dress, but you didn’t want to waste the money he’d given you.

Before you could really prepare yourself, you were setting up your space in the huge Gala hall. You’d turned up early so you could add some finishing touches to your bar before all the Heroes started turning up, you’d be more efficient if you knew where every type of alcohol was.

You’d taken the liberty of bringing some of the cocktail shakers from your work so you were familiar with the tools, but they had already supplied you with enough for a small team. Although, when the clock rolled around to 10 minutes before the Heroes were supposed to turn up, there was no sign of any other bartenders.

If Endeavour had hired you and only you, he was going to get an earful, Number One Hero or not.

That was exactly what he had done.

At first you slightly panicked, wondering how the hell you were going to manage so many orders all at once, but there were about 30 Champagne Waitresses making their rounds on the floor that kept everyone away from you.

Not to say that you weren’t extremely busy, but you were able to serve the Heroes fast enough that you were able to put on a bit of a performance, doing your normal tricks of tapping the cocktail shaker and changing the liquid contents as it was being poured into people’s glasses.

Like normal, the onlookers were amazed.

It still befuddled you that in a world of crime-fighting Heroes, someone who could change colours was something to gape at. Your quirk was more for show than practicality really.

When the majority had some type of alcoholic drink in their hand, the speeches started, everyone had stopped what they were doing to listen to the grey haired man talk about the charity that this whole thing was for and give a list of thank you’s that seemed to go on forever.

Meanwhile, you decided to utilise this time to clean down your bar and restock some of the empty bottles, you weren’t quite sure what was going on with Gang Orca but he’d nearly finished a whole bottle of vodka by himself so you were keeping an eye on him. He seemed completely fine with no sign of intoxication, maybe his huge form was absorbing the alcohol.

You were sure as soon as this presentation had finished you were going to be swamped, even you were feeling the need for a drink, and oh boy were you right.

The moment the dim lights were brought back up and the music was turned back on there wasn’t a single space by the bar that wasn’t full. You expected people to start getting impatient because they were having to wait for their drinks, but strangely they were more than happy to wait and chat to you and each other, the amount of tips you were getting tonight would be enough to pay your rent for 2 months.

After the swarm of people were served and you had a second to breathe, you froze, golden eyes staring awkwardly at you “Shot of tequila” he bluntly said, he didn’t even have the manners to ask like everyone else was. You gave him a similarly cold response by just nodding and putting the shot glass on the metal surface with a little bit too much force and pouring the golden liquid into it, you also gave him a wedge of lime and gave him the salt shaker.

Without saying anything, he handed you the money and took his shot. You both seemed to breathe a breath of relief when the Number One Hero parted the line of people and approached the bar, you smiled maybe too much upon seeing him.

“Endeavour!” Hawks exclaimed when he saw his partner, “Have a shot with me!” he continued and you instinctively started preparing his normal tumbler of whiskey. Enji grumbled at the young heroes request, you would have died on the spot if you saw Endeavour do a shot.

After placing the his empty glass on the wood in front of him, you quickly washed your hands in the miniature sink the event space had provided you, dried them on your small towel, and scooped up three cubes of ice.

Both men looked at you with intent, you had served them enough for them to know this wasn’t your normal routine.

You allowed one cold cube to run down your palm and to the tip of your fingers, the second before it left your touch, you turned the white object into a gorgeous red. Uncurling your pinkie and ring-finger, you let the other two pieces do the same thing - changing the second one to orange and then the last one to yellow.

A small crowd of a few customers were ogling at what you were doing as though they had never seen it before, or it may have been because someone was paying attention to the Number One Hero despite everyone’s fear of him.

It was nice to see him smiling, but it was even better to see the faint grimace on Keigo’s face. Good, you thought. After the way he treated you, you wanted him to know what he was missing.

Endeavour reached out for the glass but before he could grab hold of it you slapped his hand playfully, you heard a few faint gasps in the miniature crowd that had formed, and a couple of terrified glances towards the Pro Hero on your behalf.

“Be patient” you smirked at him, you had to admit it to yourself, you were being very brave. You barely knew this man apart from his drink order, being so informal with him was a huge risk as you didn’t know how he would react.

He chuckled at your coyness, and your heart relaxed.

Cupping your hand in front of his face, you poured his favourite whiskey into your hand and let it run through your fingers, you held the bottle high enough so people could see the dark brown liquid flowing out of the nozzle and then quickly drizzle out between your fingers as a golden-yellow with bright red swirls.

Once you had poured the right amount into the glass, you pushed the tumbler towards him and washed the remaining alcohol off your hand before it became sticky.

“I’m surprised he let her do that” someone mumbled a little bit too loudly, then another voice piped up “It’s not very hygienic”. Endeavour was happily sipping at his drink while Keigo was doing his best not to make eye contact with you still, this was too good of an opportunity to give up, so you mustered up all your courage and said in the most confident tone you could “It’s okay, he knows where my hands have been”.

If you weren’t mistaken, everyone inhaled sharply at the exact same time, all but Enji who side-eyed Keigo and then put his eyes back on you with a knowing glint - something told you that he knew what you were trying to do and understood his role. Maybe your hands would stop shaking sometime soon now that you knew he was going along with it.

“Thank you for the dress by the way” you added, gently placing your hand on his arm for a second before going back to serving the line of customers you had, you felt as though there was enough of an audience to make your point, “It fits you nicely” was all he added, it was more of a response than you were expecting.

Deciding it was probably best to not push your luck too much with the flame hero, you turned your attention to the multiple pairs of eyes looking at you “What do you guys think?” doing a little twirl with what little space you had, of course the chorus of men erupted into whoops and cheers- you think you even heard Present Mic yelling “Hot” from one of the other stands.

Satisfied with the scene you had caused, you went back to pouring drinks, using all sorts of tricks you’d never been able to do before. You changed the whole bar to whatever colour the current customer wanted, even going as far as to change your own hair colour to gain praise from them.

Honestly, you were starting to feel like your old self again, that was until you saw something small and red weave it’s way through the different pumps and towards you.

Slamming your hand down on the bar and hard as you could, you crushed the delicate feather under your force, “If I see another feather come across this line-“ you drew and invisible line across the wood with your finger “-I’ll cut you off” you said bluntly, throwing the feather back towards it’s owner.

He opened his mouth to say something but you interrupted him, “Do you want to get thrown out?”, he chuckled to himself slightly and shook his head “Like you could” his tone was playful yet arrogant, “I don’t have to” you put the emphasis on ‘I’ and shifted your gaze toward Enji who had coincidentally caught your eye, he very lightly smiled at you and gave a small gesture that you assumed was a wave.

That was the last straw, Keigo’s tone shifted and he stormed away from the bar, the entire night passed and you didn’t see him again. A part of you was glad, you didn’t have to keep looking over your shoulder, but that pit in your stomach was back, and just as you had started to feel better.

On the plus side, you didn’t have to clean and close the bar, the venue had hired some cleaners to take care of all the mess after everyone was done. Thank God.

The walk home was quiet and lonely, it was about 3am and most people had gone to sleep hours ago, so the ominous hum of streetlights really put you on edge- that, and that nervous feeling of being watched.

You tried to hurry along the uneven ground as quickly as you could, not wanting to tempt fate too much; how ironic would it have been? To be attacked by a Villain after spending an evening with Heroes.

A gust of wind blew your hair into your face and blocked your vision entirely for a few seconds, it was quickly followed by a force connecting with your back and then wrapping around your front.

You felt your feet leave the ground and the harsh whistle of wind rushing past your ears deafened you - your senses were blocked off. The wind was too loud to hear, and your hair acted like a self-inflicted blindfold, you were so disorientated that you thought you were going to be sick.

When your feet finally touched solid ground and the force holding you ease up, you stumbled forwards and fell to your knees, hands spread out in front of you. “What’s going on with you and Endeavour?” you heard a familiar voice say from behind you, you could not believe this.

“What?!” you exclaimed, aggressively turning yourself so you were now half laid down on the floor, you saw Hawk’s standing in front of his open window with the moonlight shining behind him casting a silhouette. “You kidnapped me to ask me about Endeavour?” you vocalised how ridiculous the situation was.

Hawk’s folded his arms in frustration, “You seemed pretty cosy with him earlier” he said bluntly, “So what if I was?” you bit back, your emotions were high and you didn’t know which voice to listen to - you were pissed off beyond your control, hurt and mildly frightened.

You knew Hawk’s wouldn’t hurt you, but the amount of hate in his eyes made you question him for a moment.

“Is that how it is? You moved on from to my partner?” he sounded disgusted with you and to be completely honest you were glad, he had hurt you so much in such a short amount of time it felt as though he was getting what he deserved.

“What do you care?” you snarled at him and turned your head away, not wanting to look at him. “What do I-?” he started but interrupted himself by rubbing his hand down his face. “Of course I care!” he extended his arms towards you as you dragged yourself up off the floor and brushed the flakes of dust and dirt off your new dress.

“If you cared about me you wouldn’t have left” you mumbled to yourself, not intending for him to hear but it seems regardless of whether or not he heard, he wanted you to say it again “What did you say?!” he raised his voice, to match his aggression you raised your voice louder “If you cared about me you wouldn’t have left!”.

There was silence for a moment, no words, just the sound of heavy breathing as you both decided whether or not it was worth carrying on this subject.

“Take me home” you gave up, exasperated at the situation. All you had wanted for the last couple of weeks was to hear from Keigo, and for him to tell you that you were still together, but now that you were actually in front of him, you wanted nothing more than to disappear.

He took a few steps towards you, “No-” he forced the air out of his throat like a bullet coming out of a gun, “-Not until you admit it” he continued, his hostile tone never wavering. “Admit what?” you laughed dryly, “Are you fucking Endeavour?” he asked bluntly and your jaw almost hit the floor.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no I’m not” you answered him honestly, folding your own arms and glancing around towards the front door, if he wouldn’t take you home you would have to take yourself.

“How is it none of my business?” he snapped at you, “Because you left me!” you shouted over the top of him before he managed to finish his sentence, “I gave you every part of me and you couldn’t even be bothered to send a goodbye text” you finally let out what you felt like you had been holding onto for your whole life.

Taking a deep breath in and then with a sharp exhale you said, in a calmer tone “I’m leaving”, without giving him the option to respond you marched your way towards the apartment door.

Before you could take hold of the handle you felt your shoulder being pulled around and your body being pushed against the door, the next thing you saw were two golden eyes staring back at you .

“Let me go” you said through gritted teeth, “Not until you’ve listened to me” he was talking in a hushed voice as though all the anger and upset had left him in that instant, “I don’t want to-” you started but it was his turn to interrupt you, “You have no idea how dangerous my job is, the type of people I’m working with-” he stopped mid-sentence to glance around the room as though he was being watched.

“I was there every night, I watched you walk home from work to make sure you were okay” his voice was starting to crack and you could see water starting to well up in his bottom eye lid, “I missed you so much, but I had to keep you safe”.

Watching him come undone in front of you, you felt a pit fall in your stomach as extreme guilt flushed over you.

Your body moved without you asking it to and before you knew it your hands were wrapped in his hair and your lips were against his.

The kiss started as soft and gentle, but as soon as the shock had left his system he cupped your face in his hand and started kissing you as though it was the last time.

Things got heated very quickly, Keigo pushed the hem of your dress up until it was bunched up at your waist and wasted no time shuffling your underwear down for you to step out of.

Unbuckling his belt like he wouldn’t live to see tomorrow, he let his jeans fall to the floor as he picked you up by your thighs and pushed you further into the door. His kisses became more erratic as he lowered you onto his cock.

The euphoria you both felt as the familiar sensation of him filling you again flooded to your brain, you gripped his shoulders tighter to try and stay stable. Instantly he started moving his hips, dragging himself in and out of you at a rapid pace.

The apartment was filled with a mixture of Keigo’s grunts, your moans and the door sounding as though it was on the brink of death. “I missed you so much” he mumbled against your neck as he dug his fingers into your bare thighs, his thrusts were ruthless and you could feel that you were getting close to your orgasm.

“I missed you too” you managed to breath out in between moans. You could feel the friction of your back rubbing against his door and you knew you would be waking up with a bruise. But you didn’t care.

Before either of you could say anything else you felt your walls clench down around him, emphasising every muscle and vein in his member, Ah, fuck” he growled, pushing himself even further into you as you let him pound you through your orgasm.

He grunted a couple of times and his mouth hung open, he moved one of his hands to hold your shoulder down as the pressure of his chest against yours held you in place. “I love you” he confessed, locking eyes with you, you were still panting from your own high so you weren’t able to respond, “I lo-” he started to say before he snapped his hips against yours and you felt him cum inside of you.

Flopping his head forward so your foreheads were touching, neither of you moved to allow the moment to last as long as it could- neither of you wanting your bubble of bliss to be popped.

“I mean it” he barely even whispered as he pulled his head away so he could look you in the eye, “I do love you” he repeated himself. Your heart leapt, your relationship hadn’t gone on long enough for either of you to have said the ‘L’ word yet.

But being away from him these last couple of weeks solidified how you truly felt, “I love you too” you smiled at him as he kissed your forehead.

Taglist:

@mylife-demonstrates-murphys-law @hereticpriest @enagmaticether @anxiousgoddest @kodzu-ken @moonnei @diesinspanishbcimhispanic

#hawks x reader #keigo takami #keigo takami x reader #colour changer #oneoftheextras

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lordelmelloi2 · 3 years ago

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The way... that Fate/Zero approaches the topic of pain and trauma and suffering is so ....

Apologies if this comes off as pretentious I have to try to write my thoughts down

The reason why the Joker was funny to me for the first half before my blood pressure started raising was because they were hitting the nail on the head far too much by insisting that all of it was because of untreated mental illness. With a shot of the Joker circling “mental illness” on a notepad full of his other ramblings, with a shot of a sign that says “Smile/be happy” or whatever, with the juxtaposition of his job as a clown but his own mental illness issues being just hammered into you (But doctor, I am Pagliacci!). It was too much. It was too on the head, not subtle at all, and such an inaccurate, like... self-centered narrative of mental illness that it was hilarious. The kind of ideology that purveys people to be unable to recover from mental illness at all and they’re just “like that” and you don’t have to do anything to try to make your situation better.

It’s absolutely absurd, and absurdity is funny.

Fate/Zero has the same thing going on. We see firsthand how Kiritsugu has a history of trauma and pain and mental illness going on but he does absolutely NOTHING to try to change it (and Irisviel, unfortunately, supports him not changing it because she doesn’t KNOW anything other than the ideology he’s taught her). Kiritsugu is so deep in his self-centered narrative of needing to kill all the bad guys so all the good guys can survive (a very black and white view of the world) and that the greater good is what matters the most (again very un-nuanced) but in the setting of Fate/Zero we see him actively think about running away and then get convinced not to by a woman who he taught himself to reinforce his bad ideology. That’s the healthiest thought he had had before digging his heels in again. And time and time again we see how he fucks up his relationship with Saber because he has such a hang up over her being King at all that he refuses to try to talk to her or explain anything or even just express himself or his feelings to her and it’s just him self-sabotaging and saying “well it has to be like this” over and over again even though he’s aware there’s a way out. The absurdity of his choice of actions is funny.

Kariya doesn’t have the exact same narrative, but it’s similar - his goal is actually noble, it’s a great goal, but his insistence in doing it in the way his family has going on rather than trying to subvert it at all and also hyperfocusing on saving Aoi and Rin as well instead of just Sakura has narrowed his point of view to a sliver of what he was previously capable of. His affection towards Aoi becomes an obsession where he refuses to think of her point of view or feelings, and the worms are likely to blame for that since he isn’t of a good state of mind for like NINETY PERCENT of the novel. But again it’s just so hammered with him being hit from all angles constantly that it can’t be read as tragedy anymore, like, ... you are full of fucking worms and they’re making you insane. His case becomes so absurd that it’s funny.

Kirei is already absurd in the first place. We don’t really get the bit of information that elaborates on why he’s unable to experience happiness in F/Z, but you can understand later if you look into it that he’s a child soldier, an Executor for the Church at a young age, and so his brain is rewired effectively for him to be unable to process joy/rewards as anything other than Others’ Pain. He has no fucking idea that this is because he’s been an Executor for the church or that he has mental illness at all. He literally simply believes he’s built this way. And as we’ve said before he has a totally inappropriate, misunderstood parasocial relationship to Kiritsugu where he believes Kiritsugu’s pain and emptiness is the same as his own, and Kiritsugu is terrified of Kirei, and yet Kirei seeks him out as though he wants to sit down and have a drink with him to talk but the only way they can meet each other is if they were going to kill each other. and all Kirei Actually wants to do is talk and understand Kiritsugu emotionally. it’s. Beyond insane. It’s absurd. It doesn’t make any sense. And so his obsession becomes funny.

What happens to Saber isn’t really very funny if only because she really is a victim of her own circumstances. It is absurd what is happening to her, though. Being told she’s not a real King despite all of the suffering she’s gone through. Being ignored by her master and used like a tool despite her having a better grasp of the situation strategically. Having a bond with her master’s wife more mutually fulfilling than he does. Being told by Gilgamesh that she’s going to become his wife and then being shot at with weapons when she says ‘no’. This is the case where it’s not her fault that this is happening, but the fact that it’s happening at all makes it so absurd that someone’s response may be to laugh and say “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??? BRO WTF IS SOMETHING GOING ON WHY DO I DESERVE THIS PUNISHMENT WHAT DID I EVEN DOOOO” so to speak (lol).

And then amongst Fate Zero you literally have a coming of age story where Waver is growing up and learning to have more self-esteem and then crying and being traumatized but being emotionally supported through his trauma and the juxtaposition of his story, which is fruitful, to the sheer repeat-tragedies and chosen self-serving idiocy of almost the rest of the entire cast.... Again... the absurd becomes hilarious. “One foot in the darkness, and the other foot in a hello kitty roller skate”.

So when I say “Fate Zero is a comedy” or it’s a gay art house series or whatever, what I mean is this: the framing of the series as an intense-straight-man-pain-trauma-suffering-fest compared with the course of the characters’ actions being presented as ‘what had to be done’ despite the very real options they could’ve taken to avoid, like, anything that had happened if they had simply tried to improve themselves or the situation at hand at all, creates a sense of absurdity and disbelief strong enough that you can’t help but laugh at it all and laugh at how obnoxiously stupid the cast is for chosing to dig their heels in, and the writer, Urobuchi, for expecting us to take this seriously in the narrow lense he wants us to read and interpret it in. I realize the previous sentence is kind of a run on but I hope my ideas can be understood from it.

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kookiepredictions · 4 years ago

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Jungkook’s Real Personality: Prediction

The main thing to remember about Jungkook’s personality is the word Balance. This means 2 things: 1, he has a very complex mix of many different types of personality traits so it is difficult to categorize him as one fixed personality type because he switches and changes a lot according to the situation he is in. 2nd, he needs to constantly work on maintaining balance between all these different traits, many of which are contradictory in nature. Think of him as a juggler juggling many different objects. It means he is capable of juggling so many things at once but it also means that he has to be always careful to keep them balanced otherwise he will face problems.

How is he different from his on screen persona? 1st, he is a lot more mature and intelligent than he is shown. Remember he has a Virgo sun which naturally makes him very calm and responsible, even without trying. He is a very responsible person. If he’s given a task, he will see to its completion to the point that if he can’t do it for some reason, he will think he is useless. It’s very important for him to feel useful, especially for those who he cares about. Also his Leo moon gives him a protective nature which doubles his desire of being there for his loved ones. He is the type of friend, partner, family who will never leave you alone in trouble, he will always be there for you, even if sometimes he doesn’t need to. But there is 1 condition here. He does not like to be manipulated. He hates manipulative behaviour and this grows bigger as he grows older. Jungkook usually is the type of person who speaks less and speaks last. He will always listen more. He will observe more. If you try to manipulate him, he won’t speak out immediately. He will silently watch you first, be completely sure that you are manipulating him without any instigation on his part, and are showing no signs of changing, then he will walk away from you without even looking back, even if you are so much as dying. In fact he can take this anger so far that he would wish for your harm and be happy at your misery. However, he will never actually do anything to harm anyone, even those who hurt him. His anger comes from a place where he deeply feels it is wrong to break someone’s trust so he would wish for your harm so that you can learn your lesson and never break someone’s trust again. I also feel this part of his personality is changing as he matures. In the near future, he will become more vocal right from the start as soon as he sees someone treating him wrong, and quickly decide to break ties instead of staying silent and seething inside. Once he parts ways, he will also let it go quickly and forgive the person, wish them good luck and move on with his life.

This brings me to the point that he has a short temper. It’s not so much that he is quick to anger, it’s more like he tends to hold grudges for a long time. Most of the time, his anger doesn’t even play out as loud outbursts. He is more likely to express his anger by completely shutting you out. He would refuse to even tell you why he is angry but also want you to coax him repeatedly to share his thoughts. Sometimes he could break this pattern and immediately express his anger even at an inappropriate time, but this happens less frequently. The reason of his anger stems from his perfectionism. We all know Jungkook is a perfectionist. And he expects the same level of perfectionism and dedication from everyone around him. His anger is more of an impatience. I won’t be surprised if he mentally says things like, Why are people so slow and clumsy? Why can’t people see the obvious? Why are people so stupid? Like 100 times a day lol typical Virgo male. So Jungkook really mostly gets angry out of impatience. He is a very sincere and dedicated person and gives his 200% in everything so when someone can’t keep up with him, he gets very impatient.

There is also another thing about his anger. Very rarely will he get angry at your first mistake. For example, if you meet him for the first time and say spill a drink on his shirt, he might get a tad annoyed but he will smile let it go. He will even forgive your 2nd, 3rd, 4th mistakes. The point where he gets angry is the point where you have made several mistakes. So when he gets angry you will tend to feel he gets angry too easily but actually he ignored your mistakes for quite a few times before but you didn’t notice nor did you change your behavior. Jungkook tends to observe people for a while and then classify them into categories. His attitude towards you will depend on how he has categorized you, not on your first mistake. So if he has classified someone as a trouble maker, he will easily snap at them, and if he has classified someone as a good person, he will be more patient with them. This classification is not permanent of course and changes with time as per as your behavior. So if Jeon Jungkook treats you badly, be sure that he had given you plenty of chances to redeem yourself and he probably also has the receipts to prove it lol. This classifying system extends to everyone, whether you are a close friend or a stranger. So a waiter spilling drinks on him will be the same as a close friend spilling drinks on him. In fact, the waiter has more chances of being forgiven because it was a genuine first mistake, but a close friend could get yelled at if they repeatedly did this.

Jungkook tends to have very high expectations from those he cares about. But not in a superficial way. It is actually a love language for him. He puts a lot of importance on self development, which he himself follows. So he believes anyone who wants to do well in life should do this and that’s the advice he gives everyone. Remember when he told us to practice because there’s nothing that gets worse with practice? This is a very strong belief in him. But those around him can feel burnt out by his high expectations because not everyone thinks like him right? Especially not all the time. But he often fails to understand this and gets upset because he thinks they are self sabotaging by not focusing on their self improvement. However, this is another thing I see changing in him. He will gradually learn to be more understanding of differences in nature and opinions of people and learn to guide them without overstepping boundaries.

On the other hand, Jungkook knows and respects boundaries. He does not give unsolicited advice. But with him it’s like, he has to be specifically told what the boundaries are. If you are vague, for example, if you go to him asking for advice, he will take it upon himself to fully transform you and will hover over you, almost forcing you to do things his way. His reasoning would be that it was you who came to him for help and this is exactly the help you need. So you have to always show him clear boundaries. But once they have been set, he will always respect it because he is quite independent himself and respects personal space.

Jungkook has a pretty high IQ and he has a really high EQ. He could even be as book smart as Namjoon but it is something he almost chooses not to do. You will notice that he is really good at memorising English lines, he hardly forgets what he memorises. That’s book smart for you. But it’s almost as if he detests being so. He chooses to be street smart instead. His outfits are a reflection of this. It’s a subtle subconscious act of rebellion against system and authority, which he has always sort of felt oppressed by, since he is a K Pop idol. And since he can’t really quit, he takes every small opportunity to establish his individual choice, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Book smart or street smart, Jungkook is someone very thirsty for knowledge. He does actually read more than we know, but he mostly chooses to get his knowledge through more dynamic methods, one of which is by observing other people.

This brings me to the next point. Jungkook is extremely interested in people. He learns a lot, like new concepts, what is right or wrong, new ideas, etc. by observing people, not just in terms of work, but also personality wise. This is why he is so good at imitating people, which makes me think he could also become an actor someday and be successful at it. His high EQ also makes him understand people more than we know.

Although mature, Jungkook is also very childlike in a lot of ways. Especially when he thinks and acts from his heart. He genuinely loves people even before fully knowing them. He simply loves them because loving people is a good thing to do. His love also comes from gratitude. Which is why his love for Armys is so genuine. He does not fake it because he does not need to fake loving or being grateful. It is only when someone gives him a solid reason to be angry or sad with, that he changes his attitude towards them. Jungkook is someone who you can easily walk up to and he will be very polite and nice to you. However, he is not the type to make immediate close friends because he is very reserved and he will carefully screen everyone before allowing them into his private circle. But he is also the type to always smile at his acquaintances and people he regularly sees even if they are not close friends. He won’t ignore anyone just because he doesn’t know them or because they are beneath his level. In this sense Jungkook is very down to earth. He is also quite righteous. He deeply believes that it is wrong to misbehave with people due to their positions in society. I feel like he might have been mistreated when he was not successful (I mean we all know all of BTS was so it’s very likely) which is why he makes sure he doesn’t do that now that he is successful.

Having said that though, Jungkook is not extremely approachable. There is a certain air of unattainabilty that he deliberately keeps around himself. For example, if you met him at a private party or something instead of a televised BTS event, you will clearly know that he is a big celebrity. He doesn’t misbehave with anyone, he is actually quite polite, but people just feel that star aura. It’s almost like a protective shield for him. You couldn’t approach him unless he clears that air and makes himself approachable. Otherwise you will just look at him from far away, admire him (or hate him) and go away. This is not something he does to belittle others, this is a defence mechanism against those that try to get close to him to get some benefit off of him or manipulate him, which he is actually quite aware of.

Jungkook is not easily manipulated as I discussed earlier. But he always puts up a front as if he is extremely vulnerable and gullible so that people underestimate him and show their true colors quickly. Meanwhile he observes, classifies, and moves on before you could even tell what happened there.

When I say Balance is a big challenge for him it’s because he has many different personality traits that directly contradict each other. For example, he’s a careful planner but he also gets bored of routine very quickly. He takes each decision very slowly but sometimes he will be shockingly spontaneous. He is independent but he is also clingy. All of these are parts of him but it’s almost as if he struggles to keep up with them because he doesn’t know which one will come out when. Achieving balance and control over all of his different qualities will make him a truly unique and unstoppable person.

Besides balance, the biggest challenge Jungkook has is his rigidity of beliefs. He has very good intentions, good energy and drive, but he has to learn to be more flexible and adaptive, both when dealing with his work and people. He also tends to have a scarcity mentality which often manifests his worst fears into reality. The more he wants to avoid certain things, the more they come up in his life, simply because he is constantly living in fear.

Jungkook has a very strong heart chakra. He is literally love personified. He loves love. He loves to see it and he loves to experience it. It’s an adventure he yearns for. But his fear always takes him away from it. Either in terms of problems in his relationships or breakups or interferences and scandals. In spite of that, he always bounces back and his heart chakra heals pretty quickly. Not in a promiscuous way where he is serial dating. This is more like his heart is always a place for true love, it does not store any negative energy for too long. This is why Jungkook’s biggest successes will result from decisions he takes based on his deep feelings. This is also because he has a habit of overthinking so feelings can solve this problem. For example, if he has to take a big work decision, he tends to overthink it from all directions and get confused because every option seems right. But if he listens to his feelings about it, he will find the right answer. Operating from his heart chakra will also make him centered and grounded to achieve that required balance between his many personality traits.

Another big tool at Jungkook’s disposal is his throat chakra. Jungkook is very communicative. He believes that the foundation of all good relationships, the solution to all problems is communication. However, he struggles with timing and empathy quite often. He sometimes says the right things at the wrong time creating misunderstandings that he did not intend. Or stays silent that allows people to paint a wrong picture of him. He also sometimes fails to see things from others’ points of view and tends to see his thoughts and beliefs as the be all and end all.

His biggest tools also have the biggest blocks. It’s like his heart chakra is this huge power generator inside him but it’s blocked because he keeps it shut or underutilized and lets his brain do all the work, which is only half his power and potential. And his throat chakra is blocked because he is too worried about other people’s judgement of him which blocks his flow of communication.

However, the biggest strength of Jungkook and my favorite thing about him is that he is very open minded and willing to learn. He is rigid with his thoughts only when he truly believes he is in the right. If you can logically and respectfully show him where he is wrong, he will immediately proceed to change his ways. He is a true lifelong learner and this is what will ultimately lead him to massive success. He is proud only with things that he believes to be right, as he has a very strong set of values. But he doesn’t let pride get in the way of self development, in fact he is always on the lookout for opportunities that will improve him in some way or the other.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jeongguk #bts jungkook #bts jeongguk #jungkook prediction

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sepublic · 4 years ago

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Reading through your Lilith analyses got me thinking. What if the reason she thinks the curse is why Eda didn't join the Emperor's Coven, is because Lilith believes Eda gave up the position for her and would've jumped at another chance to get in to be with her sister? - Pixel Anon

That’s… EXACTLY my read on the situation, honestly! Lilith has this expectation, almost an entitlement really, for Eda to constantly act with her older sister in mind, that whatever she does is low-key a reflection of her feelings on Lilith and their inseparable sibling bond. And likewise, Lilith has been willfully ignorant of Eda’s criticisms of the Coven System, and she thinks that the only thing keeping Eda from joining the Emperor’s Coven is the ostracization of her curse…

So coupled with how Eda didn’t have the curse (or at least didn’t know about it) in those initial moments after she gave up her position in the EC… And it’s clear that Lilith assumes that Eda was just trying to be nice. Not that Eda could ever have an actual issue with the Emperor’s Coven in the first place, because clearly that’s what Eda secretly wants, deep down? As Lilith said in Sense and Insensitivity, she expects Eda to eventually join the EC of her own volition, so there’s no point in forcing her to do it sooner rather than later; Because Lilith really thinks that this is what Eda truly wants, deep-down, or at least to be with her older sister again.

Like I said, Lilith overstates her importance to Eda, ignores that Eda has to look after herself as well (especially with the curse SHE cast), and downplays Eda’s other connections by outright dismissing their existence; And she’s totally the kind of person to see love as a pie to be divided between multiple people, like you’re somehow choosing/prioritizing others, which is why Lilith might, say, feel the need to compete with Luz for that affection, and have a resentment/jealousy towards Luz, for being prioritized more by Eda to the point where she’d give her life for the girl, when to Lilith’s assumption, Eda wouldn’t even join the Emperor’s Coven if Lilith’s life was on the line- Which it was!

And Lilith believes Eda wouldn’t join for Lilith’s sake, because deep down she knows Eda doesn’t care about the Emperor’s Coven anymore, and believes that Eda is saying that her petty pride against the Coven System, which Lilith refuses to understand, is more important than being with Lilith- As if Eda isn’t tormented by the distance between her and Lilith, it’s just that she can’t ignore the cruelty of Belos, either. Because there’s more to life than just the two of them, other people exist too. And Belos’ toxic ideals and propaganda have no doubt jeopardized relationships just like Eda and Lilith’s… Including Eda and Lilith’s, actually. Lilith needs to remember that Eda didn’t eagerly choose defying the Coven System VS being with her sister… It was an uncomfortable choice, and Lilith no doubt contributed towards making that an ultimatum with HER own decisions, as well.

There’s that irony of Lilith “I don’t have a problem, YOU have a problem” Clawthorne thinking that SHE was the one being patient with Eda, having to deal with a sister who’s participating in a morally-wrong lifestyle that she has to constantly put up with, in the hopes that Eda will finally have a wake-up call and improve; Rather than the other way around… And no matter how much Lilith wanted to be with Eda, how desperate she was to the point of taking Luz hostage, instead of just abandoning the Emperor’s Coven… It goes to show some skewed priorities, that Lilith HAD to have Eda AND her place in the Emperor’s Coven; Especially since Belos is the kind of person who would probably feed into and encourage Lilith, make her feel more ‘appreciated’ by him and his coven, than Lilith is by Eda, who clearly doesn’t appreciate all of the (unasked-for) effort that Lilith extends out to her.

Belos’ coven validates lonely people like Lilith, by telling them that they’re more special than others, that they earned that chosen privilege… Which could make Lilith resentful towards Eda, for not saying the same; Given how Eda’s beliefs contradict the assumption that there is a hierarchy, and thus Lilith would be greater than anyone else. And when Eda says that Lilith isn’t better than others, it’s not an indictment of her; Rather, it’s an uplifting of everyone in general. Not that Lilith would be able to realize this, because like I said- She probably sees love as something you must prioritize and divide accordingly, and that extends to glory. It’s a forced ultimatum, where one must be able to choose between two witches, and decide one is objectively better; And Lilith might expect Eda to uplift and encourage her, at the implicit expense of others being beneath Lilith’s level.

That’s all that Lilith wants, really- It’s validation, being told that she’s good enough, because she doesn’t trust her own opinion of herself enough to do that. And she loved Eda’s validation, because you know that even if Eda didn’t want to contribute to those toxic coven system ideas (and it’s worth noting she DID want to join the Emperor’s Coven for a while, so there was a brief period where Eda likely subscribed to its propaganda)… She was still someone who looked out for her sister, like when Lilith got her lunch money stolen that one time. Eda’s love and validation is different than the kind the Emperor’s Coven provides, and it’s why Lilith craves it so much, NEEDS it, and why she can’t just be content with Belos’ propaganda and her position as Head Enforcer of the Emperor’s Coven. But at the same time, Lilith wants both Eda AND Belos’ approval, without realizing the two are in fact contradictory.

And considering how long Lilith stuck with the Emperor’s Coven, even after Eda made it clear that Lilith had to choose between the two; Well, I don’t blame Belos for believing that when it came to an ultimatum, Lilith would choose the Emperor’s Coven over Eda. She doesn’t want to lose that sense of belonging there, even if it’s to be with Eda- And likewise Lilith is too afraid to challenge Belos after seeing what he’s capable of, amidst not wanting to admit that her views in life have been wrong this entire time; So instead, she goes with what’s most flattering and reassuring, because clearly Eda is in the wrong and the Emperor’s Coven is right. Even when Lilith works against Belos to free Eda, she’s still operating under the hopes that she can return to being Head Enforcer like nothing happened…

So it’s no wonder that Belos thinks that if Lilith were forced to choose between him and Eda, it’s always Belos- Because all of Lilith’s actions and choices beforehand supported this belief, and she only ever seemed to care for an idea of Eda that never existed, especially as Lilith saw her as the cursed beast she made her. Because to Lilith, just being with Eda wasn’t enough to make up for losing her place in the Emperor’s Coven, apparently… But alas- Lilith DID prioritize Eda more, in a sense… She just had issues realizing this, amidst the fact that she rightfully asks why she needs to choose between the two, why can’t she have both; Though in this case, she REALLY can’t have both, because Belos and his ideals are antithetical to the idea of ignoring ultimatums when it comes to prioritizing what you want in life. And when Lilith FINALLY is forced to confront an ultimatum between Eda and the Emperor’s Coven, unsurprisingly set up by Belos himself… In the end, Belos miscalculated.

And to be fair- I think Belos didn’t take into account how Luz’s healthier relationship with Eda showed to Lilith, just how much she was messing up. Let’s be real here, Luz is a TOTAL outlier in every sense of the term, in both an in-universe and narrative scale… Nobody expects her, she just sort of appears and out of nowhere and is inexplicable and surprising- Hard to figure out, despite Luz being so upfront, honest, and wearing her heart on her sleeve, practically begging to display who she fully is without any restrictions! Had Luz never come into play, maybe Lilith really WOULD have chosen the Emperor’s Coven over Eda, when the time for that decision came- And it really recontextualizes and makes you appreciate, what Belos said about not caring for Eda… Because Eda was inconsequential, because Lilith cared more for the Emperor’s Coven than Eda; Until Luz showed up. The girl really DID change everything… And her Light showed Lilith the truth, while Belos’ Light merely blinded Lilith from it.

It’s ironic- Luz’s arrival sort of threw a wrench into Belos’ plans because she ensured Lilith’s inevitable rebellion… But her arrival ALSO illuminated to Belos the existence of the Portal, which he needs for his Day of Unity. It is worth noting that Eda still had the portal beforehand, and thus Belos could’ve learned of it even without Luz’s arrival… So in a way, one could argue that what Luz has REALLY done has been is do nothing but hinder and be a thorn in Belos’ side. In the end her arrival wasn’t that great of a thing for Belos like he claimed; Eda still had the portal and he might’ve figured it out beforehand. Luz provides no benefit to his sytem, nothing he can make use of- Like Belos insists making use of every witch in the isles by forcing them to join a Coven to pragmatically channel their skills, or how he dismisses the ‘useless’ as inconsequential to him.

Luz very much provides no genuine use to Belos- And yet unlike so many others, she WILL be very relevant to his life, whether he likes it or not. And really, a lot of people ‘useless’ to Belos were relevant… He just couldn’t tell, until Luz’s illuminating Light has come into play, and shown him just how disgruntled the people of the Boiling Isles are, hence their protest at the Conformatorium. And THAT revelation forces Belos to actually appease the will of the people for once, even if he does have bigger fish to fry and is just saving face. Belos dismissed a LOT of people in the end, and ironically Luz, who he sees as more useful to him than she really is- She’s going to force Belos to take others into account for once. Really, Belos overstating the importance of some at the expense of the rest is what he’s always done, hence him establishing a hierarchy that claims some witches deserve the privilege of magic, more than others; And we again see this reflected in how Lilith plays up how much she means to Eda. And Lilith DID mean a lot to Eda; Just not so much that Eda would have to disregard herself and who she is. Lilith respecting this autonomy and allowing Eda to love her, while still being her own person, is so important for her.

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house belos #emperor belos #the owl house luz #luz noceda #speculation #ask #emperor's coven

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readingsbylibramc · 4 years ago

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birth chart reading for @haex1991

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are mercury, the sun and saturn. you are a very extroverted and talkative person, you probably make friends easily and you come off as very approachable. you are particularly intelligent, and combined with your hard-working nature you're able to achieve anything.

your dominant sign is gemini. you are a very intelligent individual, you are thirsty for knowledge and you also have great communication skills. you have a witty sense of humor, you're able to make everyone feel at ease with your sympathy. people may say you're two-faced, but in reality you just act in the most appropriate way based on the situation you're in. you despise boredom, you're very experimental in your life, but others may mistake this trait for flakiness.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 5° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your many gemini placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust.

🌞 sun in gemini, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

with your sign in the mutable sign of gemini, you are a very light-hearted, chill individual. you're very bright and bubbly, you have amazing communication skills and also an entertaining sense of humor that is able to light up the room. you're very sociable, you like interacting with others, even though I assume that with your earth ascendant in your chart, you find it harder to let this side of you out, especially with people you don't feel comfortable with. since gemini is a mutable sign, you most likely have tons of interests and hobbies, they're so many that you find it hard to keep up with all of them, despite being extremely good at multi-tasking. in fact, you're particularly intelligent and thirsty for knowledge. you like learning about everything, you love looking and being smart. it's your way to feel empowered and proud of yourself. you always need freshness in your daily life, you cannot stand boredom. because of that, you may often change your ideas, your hobbies, your favourite singer, etc. sometimes, you could even apply this to friends and lovers, and people may consider you unloyal or not much serious because of that. in addition, you get easily very anxious and stressed, to the point that you may seem dramatic to others. you may also get scared easily, even though you try to look collected thanks to your virgo rising.

gemini sun conjunct gemini moon: you were born on a new moon, hence the sun and the moon were in the same sign at the moment of your birth. in astrology, new moons represent fresh starts; you're the type to start lots of projects, always feeling like you need to transform yourself or your routine. you're very self-aware of your identity, as you're constantly in contact with your feelings. you may even appear as too emotional, as the sun brings all your emotions out to see. some people have their sun and moon in signs that clash together, making them confused and indecisive; this is not your case, as you act to get what you want and need. you're interested in knowing more about your roots, your childhood, and also about having a family in general. when you were young, you probably were even more energetic than now. you could be the type to look nostalgically at your old pictures, and you care about your mother a lot. you're also very interested in your own culture; you're not afraid to show the world your interests, reactions and opinions. the problem with this conjunction, especially with the fact that it is in the sign gemini, is that the individual may become so self-sufficient at the point that doesn't let anyone interfer in their life. it's obviously a good thing to do when someone tries to hurt you, but there's the risk it may happen even with people that are trying to help you if not well-developed. another problem that comes with this mostly lovely aspect is that showing your emotions freely makes you wear your heart on your sleeve. people may take advantage of that, and try to hurt you about things that you care about deeply, as they're not hidden. last but not least, your parents' relationships might have had impact on your growth. maybe they're divorced, and one of them had to compensate for the missing parent; perhaps, one of them was highly influenced by the other. or maybe, they just had a very peaceful relationship that makes you have high standards when it comes to love.

gemini sun conjunct gemini mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy leo dominance makes you naturally good at coming up with creative ideas, or even poetry. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

🌙 moon in gemini, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

the most charismatic gemini decan. you're very curious about the world, you always want to be informed about the latest news and everything that surrounds you in general. this could make you love gossip and journalism, for example. in fact, you're quite chatty, you love talking to others, and you're likely to have a good sense of humor as well. you live to fill up your mind with knowledge, and you love sharing what you learn with others. in some cases, you may even come off as a bit of a know-it-all. you're really practical and logical; while this is good, as it's obviously a heavy mental work that makes you even smarter, you have the tendency to over-analyze your emotions. for example, if you start feeling happy all of a sudden, you may be so busy trying to understand what makes you so happy that you may forget to feel your happiness. you're also quite moody, and go from being full of energy and sociable to isolating yourself. I also assume that you may hide your feelings, even if you don't do it consciously. e.g, you may make jokes about them. even though you don't realize it, it's a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you're literally exposing your weak points to the world and enhancing your flaws. aside from that, I still think that people perceive you as very likeable, especially when you feel comfortable in the environment you are in. you're naturally flirty and charming, and people take note of that.

🗣 mercury in gemini, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner, but since mercury is placed in the 10th house, a water house, you may be a bit too logical and practical, lacking intuition. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded, even though you still rely more on logic, not like your sister sign is sagittarius. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know?

❤️ venus in leo, 6° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

with leo venus you're very picky, as you have high expectations for your future partner. you always try to be at your best state, and you want those who surround you to be perfect too. it's hard for you to fall for someone, as you take everything in consideration: personality, physical appearance, fashion sense... it may look like it is too much, but once you find the right one that truly satisfies your standards, you're in for a long ride. you'll want to travel, live your life in the best way possible with the person you love. you look at them as if they were the brighest star in the sky, and you want to be seen like this as well. you may even be a bit clingy, but your partner needs to be aware of that. they can't repress your need for affection. you see love as a way to revive your inner child, you feel younger when you're in love. even though you want someone fun and outgoing, you also need someone ambitious, hard-working and generally serious when it comes to committing. there's no room in your life for flaky people.

leo venus conjunct leo mars: you are very serious when it comes to love. you seek intense, long-lasting relationships, filled with both romance and passion. ironically, you tend to attract people that are the opposite, who are only looking for fun and casual romance. that could afflict your self-worth significantly, as you feel unlucky in love. this is also another placement that indicates that one of your parents, probably your father, or still anyone of the opposite sex probably influenced your approach to romance and sex. there are different scenarios I have in mind, but I'll talk about it later in the family life section.

leo venus conjunct leo jupiter: this placement makes you extremely likeable, especially with your this conjunction being in the charismatic sign of leo. you're probably quite popular, or at least you're very appreciated wherever you go. not only you're physically attractive, but you're also very friendly and charismatic, which makes it impossible not to notice you. you despise conflicts and chaotic situations in general, you're very peaceful. perhaps, to have fun you prefer using creative and artistic outlets rather than going out. I also find this an extremely beneficial placement for you, as you have a pisces descendant that makes you attract broken and / or problematic partners. with venus being conjunct to jupiter, this energy may not be as prominent as usual, as you tend to attract more positivity in your life.

leo venus opposite aquarius saturn: you feel unable to love someone. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity, especially regarding your looks. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. saturn in the 7th house may also manifest in a lack of romanticism in an individual, but I don’t think it’s totally your case. I assume that you are quite romantic, but exactly because of your romanticism, you tend to get very picky. you want your partner to meet your ideals of perfection, and hence you may often end up not dating anyone, or being let down by your own lovers. actually, you could even be afraid of love, especially because there could be a lot of karma around your relationships. you could have to experience lots of hardships throughout your love life, but they’ll help you become more mature. it’s also recommended to get married after your saturn return with this placement, hence after your 27/28 years.

☄️ mars in leo, 9° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

praise and success are what motivate you the most. your main goal in life is being praised for achieving your goals, you wouldn't feel motivated without compliments. therefore, you put energy in things that make you feel confident and noticed, as you enjoy being seen. for example, if you feel confident being well-dressed, you could spend hours in the closet to look how you want. you are very creative, you get an energy boost through creative outlets, and hence your hobbies (reading, writing, dancing, singing, drawing, etc.) recharge your battery. this placement also makes you very extra, especially with people you're close to. you may gesticulate a lot, you could as well enjoy mimicking others' voices. you're basically very dramatic, you seem like an actor when you react, but at least you're very fun and entertaining to watch and listen. this placement, it gives you a strong charisma that, and combined with your heavy gemini dominance, it makes it impossible not to notice you. you could overreact from time to time, and you may also be particularly pessimistic, but above all you appear as someone very bold and strong-minded.

leo mars conjunct leo jupiter: you are driven by a strong sense of justice that makes you want to discover the truth. you hate lies of any kind, you want sincerity from those around you and you're the first to be constantly honest. you value your freedom a lot, your life motto is most likely 'live and let live'. you think everyone should live their lives by their own standards, without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. you're a very pure and genuine person, you hardly ever judge a book by its cover, and you're also extremely open-minded. you're thirsty for knowledge of any kind, you're always up to learn something new. you may also be interested in foreign languages and cultures, as well as philosophy, literature... anything that can teach you something new about the world. you may be quite impulsive, and when you get angry you tend to be very blunt. you may say things that hurt others, as you're brutally honest, even though that wasn't your intention. you may also appear as flaky, since you don't like feeling tied to something or someone. you could often change your favourite colour, food, singer... you despise boredom, and your need for freshness may also manifest in your relationships.

leo mars opposite aquarius saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence, which you should have done by now as you've already had your saturn return.

leo mars square scorpio pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, and I find this beneficial considering that your gemini energy tends to make one superficial. with this aspect, you're probably more dedicated than the common gemini.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, you probably lack intuition just like you lack water in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental, but this energy is probably mitigated by your gemini dominance, which makes you more open-minded and flexible. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 10th house: you come off as a very private, yet mature person. you may be quite secretive, or at least you only prefer to share your persona with those around you. you probably love your career, you're very independent and responsible and people admire you for that.

your 2nd house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even keep track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your heavy gemini energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer... the ruler of the 2nd house is placed in the 10th house: your future career may include 2nd house matters; you may work in a place related to money, perhaps in a bank. you could become successful as a notary, as an accountant... anything related to finances. you could also work in an artistic field, for instance as a graphic designer, as an interior designer, as a singer... jobs that require creativity.

your 3rd house is in libra. it's most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities... you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. your mind and words are your energy tank, what satisfy you the most. you may talk a lot about different topics of any kind, from childhood to videogames, but you never get boring. you're always entertaining to listen to. you also have your scorpio pluto in this house: you're extremely blunt and straight-forward, you may actually hurt people with your words, even though you mean no harm. the thing is, you speak the truth, but not everyone can accept it. that's why your behaviour is so controversial. though, since you also have a libra 3rd house, I assume you could manifest this side of you only when you react by impulse, when you're angry. otherwise, you try to be as well-spoken as possible. you speak fluent sarcasm, and that could annoy people who don't understand your sense of humor. you're probably good at lying, and even manipulating people. you may often make others change their mind just with your own words, but be careful not to use this skill to hurt others, or you'll only experience a sense of guilt and overall the bad sides of it. on the other hand, you're an extremely captivating speaker, you'd be successful at anything that involves the use of words and voice. you're truly intuitive, and it's easy for you to understand when someone is being honest or is lying to you. last but not least, you're very secretive as well. you're probably the type to know everything and anything about others, while you remain a mystery. with the ruler of the 3rd house being in the 10th house, you may often talk about your career and about your achievements. you may also live more into the future rather than in the present, hence you could often make plans and talk about what you want to happen.

your 4th house is in scorpio. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. in addition, it's also probably that your parents were particularly overprotective, and hence they could have limited you from making experiences. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn, with also your saturn, uranus and neptune placed there. capricorn and saturn usually bring a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your gemini sun gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your gemini dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. since in your chart the 5th house represents your job too. you’ll most likely meet your future spouse at your work place. you could pursue the same career, they could be a customer of yours… or perhaps, you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your dominant sign is gemini.

your 8th house is in pisces. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. yet, due to this placement, you struggle to let this side of you out and make it concrete. since you have a strong virgo dominance in your chart, I assume that the reason for this blockage is your rationality. you’re way too logical, and you don’t leave space for your imagination. that’s probably caused by the fact that you’re afriad of being seen as a failure, and hence you don’t really go out of your comfort zone when it comes to your ideas. to reach your state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality, just like the fact that the ruler of the 8th house is in the 5th house confirms: you have 8th house-related hobbies, such as astrology, horror, occult, sex, psychology… or perhaps, you could work in one of those fields. you may also handle someone else’s money, hence you could work in a bank.

your 9th house is in aries. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do. yet, since mars is making harsh aspects to saturn and pluto perhaps, during your childhood, you were restricted from acting the way you wanted. it’s like your ideas were disrespected, and you weren’t allowed to embrace them, or perhaps you were afraid of the consequences. it may be that when you try to break free from what you consider to be a limitation, you may come across a few struggles that could possibly hurt you. luckily, this is an aspect that will naturally get better time with time as you get more mature. in school you were very competitive, you probably studied to get high grades rather than actually learning, you are very motivated to be #1 in everything you do. you may also experience lots of intense events in your life, you may be the type to try extreme things and experiment a lot.

your 10th house is in taurus, with also your gemini stellium with the sun, the moon and mercury. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with your virgo ascendant you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be drawn to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even stuff like food. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a therapist or a counsealor, as well as an actor or comedian. you will probably get to communicate something in your career, you may want to spread a certain message or you may have to interact with other people for your job. you could also be in charge, you may get a very high position in your agency or you could even have your own business, I don't see you having to depend on others ar all. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest! but make sure that you understand who you want to be, as geminis tend to be quite indecisive.

your 11th house is in cancer. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. venus is also placed in this house; you're not into clichés. sure, you need a loyal partner who's stable both emotionally and financially, but at the same time they must have something unique about them. you're not the type to fall for the first guy you see down the street. in addition to that, you're not into the typical, cheesy romantic stuff. you want your partner to be a friend, not only a boyfriend/husband. you want to feel able to talk and vent to them, just like you'd do with a friend, but also someone that is willing to stay with you through thick and thin. you hardly fall in love at first sight, and you act quite casually around your crushes. in fact, most of the times you come off as so detached that you hardly look like you're interested in someone. you could also end up dating or even marrying someone from your group of friends. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 10th house: you most likely have very big dreams for your career, your biggest goal is being financially stable and working in the field of your dreams.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. mars and jupiter also sitting here in a conjunction; with jupiter here you most likely have lots of dreams, that could even predict the future. you may have a lot of nightmares, they may involve violence or even death. mars also makes it a little bit hard for you to take action, you could be so logical and practical that you may lack impulse to you. you may even have sleeping as a hobby, you could sleep a lot to relax. you could also enjoy yoga, meditating and doing charity work.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract cancer, sagittarius, pisces and capricorn placements. your future spouse will most likely have cancer and capricorn traits placements. they’ll be very assertive, mature and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. as I’ve already mentioned before, you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert… also, your spouse will most likely be one of your soulmates, and hence once you meet them you’ll probably have this 'I’ve already seen you before’ feeling. they’ll seem very familiar, and you’ll find emotional comfort in them. your children will most likely have strong capricorn, aquarius or pisces traits: they’ll be very hard-working and ambitious, but also very funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely creative and more mature as time goes by.

👶🏻 family life

I won’t say much in this section as I’ve already talked about your childhood in the 4th house section. anyways, your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio, gemini, virgo, leo, libra or aries placements in her chart, as well as taurus. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be quite pleasant. probably, you used to get along very well with them, it was pleasant for you to hang out and talk to them. they could have libra, scorpio or taurus placements in their chart.

📊 career

luckily, there are many aspects in your chart that indicate that you’ll be able to earn a big amount of money from your future job. it will most likely allow you to communicate your feelings, and it will also be the key to finally achieve a stable relationship with your self-image and worth. there are strong placements in your chart that point out to acting and writing talent, as well as singing talent. you’re just a very charismatic speaker, so I’d suggest you to take advantage of this natural talent of yours to earn money, luck and self-esteem. you'd do well at writing of any kind, especially creative writing; you may write books, poems, or maybe articles for fashion magazines. careers that allow you to interact with others and talk about feelings are also recommended, hence you may do well as a nurse, as a therapist, etc. you may also work in a company and achieve a very important position in it, especially since venus, the ruler of your 10th house, is conjunct mars, the planet of leadership. you're certainly going to be very independent, people will look up to you.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

keyword for your wardrobe: black. every leo venus loves black, it's probably my favorite love story. after all, it's such a versatile color! it can be both badass and classy, how can I blame you. you may also have a thing for anything that looks luxury and high quality; you probably enjoy wearing designer brands, especially in your belts and bags. you may also like wearing fitted clothes, even just simple skinny jeans or tight tops. aside from black, you could as well use white and bold colours like gold, hot pink etc. also, you may as well be into pastel colors, and you could like following fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life time, you didn’t have a specific priority. you just enjoyed wandering with your mind and creativity, allowing yourself to relax with your friends. you used to depend on someone else, not really on yourself. this lifetime, you need to establish your independence AND solid boundaries, not just those you used to daydream about. don’t be afraid to let your inner child out; go to amusement parks, binge-watch netflix, date your crushes, have an hobby, play videogames… you could also play with actual children. anything that brings fun out of you, and that puts a genuine smile on your face.

🤔 major transits analysis / may 1st

you could be undergoing a period of transition, as your natal saturn is conjunct transit pluto in your 5th house. perhaps, you're starting to explore more hobbies, you're dedicating more time to yourself and hence you're discovering something new about your persona. you may also be cutting off a toxic relationship with a friend or even with a partner, it's a very intense change but that is necessary for your growth. the moon is also conjunct your natal neptune, so I'd suggest you to pay attention to your dreams and to your intuition, as they could be trying to communicate you something.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is it!! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

#astrology

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a-crimson-lion · 5 years ago

Text

My Thoughts On Chapter 257 and Why I Think The Bakudeku Dynamic Is Still Fundamentally Broken

[Spoilers and Bakugo-Bashing ahead. Long post. Avoid if you don't want to see.]

Look, I can kind of see why people enjoy the idea of Izuku and Katsuki making up and being friends again after all the crap Katsuki did. Honestly, if Horikoshi had set it up right, I might have been rooting for them, too. Of course, I don't root for it, because I don't see much improvement in the dynamic, especially on Katsuki's part.

Before I get started, remember: if you like the dynamic between Izuku and Bakugo, that's fine. This post probably isn't for you, and that's fine, too. I'm not writing this post to attack anyone personally, but if you feel offended, feel free to ignore this post and go about your day. I'd like it if we could be respectful of one another's opinions. Sound good? Good.

Now, let's begin...

So the big thing in this chapter (257 chapters, dear God...) is that we're finally learning a bit more about the OFA Holders. For starters, we now know the Black Whip user's name: Banjo Daigoro (heads up, the "Go (五)" in Daigoro means "Five," continuing the trend of OFA Holders having their wielder number in their names). We've also learned that Nana's Quirk was "Float" or "Levitation," which makes a lot of sense.

(I mean, Flight is one of the most iconic superpowers besides super strength, and since Nana is Izuku's metaphorical grandmother, it's incredible for her to be using such a by the book super power. Plus, it only compliments her friendship with Gran Torino, another hero with a flight Quirk.)

I'm rambling at this point. As intriguing as the Quirks of the previous holders is, my attention (as well as other readers' attention) was pulled towards Katsuki. Most say that the relationship between Katsuki and Izuku was adorable in this chapter. Others say Katsuki was a gremlin, but they still love him for it.

Well, pardon my pessimism, but if I'm using the phrase right, it looks like I'm gonna be playing devil's advocate.

[Keep in mind, the official translations haven't dropped yet, so this might screw up my analysis a bit.]

There's another meeting about OFA between Izuku, Toshinori, and of course Katsuki. Toshinori talks a bit about how he couldn't find everything for the previous holders, and what does Katsuki say?

If you don't know it then just leave it at that, I'm waisting my precious time on you guys.

There are a handful of other rude/passive-aggressive ways Katsuki could have phrased that. He could have made it sound like "That's nice and all, but could we skip to the important stuff?" But no, even though this information is crucial to Izuku, even though Katsuki has every right to just stay out of the room since the conversation won't benefit him, he says they're wasting his "precious time." Once again, Katsuki is being self-centered, but that isn't anything new.

A little later, Katsuki is taking a loom at the notebook, and he remarks that all the Quirks Izuku got must have been lame. Katsuki is immediately writing the Quirks off just because they aren't upfront with their badassery. Izuku appreciates all Quirks because he wasn't born with one, but Katsuki only appreciates strong Quirks because that's what society and his own self image have taught him up to this point.

Think of it this way: A man with diamonds can't understand why a man is happy with silver, but a man with nothing understands the value of both.

Katsuki's Quirk is admittedly versatile and efficient, and I can respect the work he put into it. However, immediately dissing less flashy Quirk's might be his downfall. Characters like Sir Nighteye don't have "powerful" Quirks, but are still capable adversaries thanks to how they use them in tandem with their other abilities. Foresight might not be a powerful Quirk in a fight, but Nighteye's own strategy, deceivingly ripped physique, and his high-density stamps help round him out as a capable opponent. We've seen Izuku utilize Black Whip in ways which can be definitely declared badass. Even Nana's Quirk can be used in incredible ways, especially considering Izuku's strategy and relentnesses.

Speaking of Nana's Quirk, here comes the part I hate the most...

Lots of readers talk about how Katsuki and Izuku's dynamic has grown a lot since their middle school days. That's not to say the statement isn't true, because there has been some growth, but I feel like most of it is exaggerated. Katsuki and Izuku haven't had an introspection (or at least a meaningful one) on themselves where they've come to grips with their faults and have vowed to change for the better. Izuku doesn't stop to think that maybe Katsuki shouldn't have treated him the way he did since they were kids, because Izuku's more concerned about heroism, mastering OFA, and (ugh) proving to Katsuki that he'll surpass him, being his image of victory. Katsuki hasn't really thought about his actions aside from that one time after the Provisional License Exams that ultimately amounted to nothing. It's been said time and time again by several in the fandom that Katsuki hasn't really changed, and for as much growth (or lack thereof) as he's had throughout the entire course of the series, the statement is not without merit. Case and point: the very first thing Katsuki spits out to Izuku when All Might reveals Nana's Quirk?

I WON!

He's more concerned about his own image and pride then about Izuku's progress. He's already got flight down, so instead of leaving it at that or (highly unlikely) offering to help Izuku figure out the whole flight thing, he decides it's a great thing that Izuku will waste his time learning something Katsuki already knows so Katsuki can make sure he can beat Izuku yet again. He's not adding anything to the conversation, and while Izuku isn't personally bothered, Katsuki's next words are not okay, even if they're relatively tame.

Before you tell me that Katsuki is just trying to encourage Izuku or something like that along those lines, let's take a look at their proceeding dialogue:

T-that's not true! I'll just master it and catch up to you!!

You're just going to panic again! Explode and go to Hell!

Buy I managed to get the gist of Blackwhip, so...

DIE!!

No hesitation...!

...Katsuki is not being encouraging in any way, shape, or form. He's being discouraging; in spite of Izuku's protest, Katsuki insists that Izuku is going to crash and burn once more. Never mind that Izuku isn't bothered by it, what Katsuki is saying is not okay. No one can be the best but him, so no one can improve... including Izuku. Forget about Izuku's previous feats, forget the fact that he learned to use the base Quirk without damaging himself AND a second Quirk in less than a year. As long as Katsuki can pull ahead, stupid Deku won't be able to catch up and he'll prove that he'll forever be the best.

...can you feel my frustration with this character?

And then there are the panels where Izuku looks like he reading the journal, and Katsuki is making a gremlin face while make the "kill" gesture across his neck, and All Might's looking at it like it's something precious. Other people called this scene adorable, but for me, it only proves that Katsuki hasn't changed and WHY he hasn't changed. He still treats Izuku as someone lesser instead of as an equal; he might not be Quirkless anymore, but for Katsuki, Izuku just another extra to surpass. And then Izuku tries to be civil with Katsuki, but... the boy really does not care about him. And then people like All Might don't know the full depth of their relationship and consider this a massive improvement, and see no reason to confront Katsuki or Izuku about their issues.

Seriously, the narrative is so contrived in Katsuki's favor, I'm losing hope that Horikoshi will ever try to fix it properly.

And before you give me Izuku's whole spiel about:

I never thought the day would come where I could speak so naturally with Kacchan.

NARRATORS! CAN! BE! BIASED!!!

Just because Izuku is the protagonist and overall honest does not mean his views/relationship with Katsuki are ultimately well. I'm not saying he's an unreliable narrator, since he hasn't really gone to Delusion City as he's told us the story, but it's very clear that he doesn't give Katsuki's actions too much thought. Him suddenly being able to talk casually with Katsuki is not a major feat: EVERYONE ELSE can casually talk to Katsuki just as well even if his personality is, quoting Denki, "flaming crap mixed with sewage." At this point, I'm just tuning out all the times the narrative tries to claim that Izuku is completely mentally sound, or that Katsuki has made significant progress.

You can keep shouting it from every roof top you want to, but unless you're showing CONSISTENCY, you're not showing substance.

So, TL;DR This chapter continues to push the Bakudeku rival dynamic while instead showing how Katsuki has ultimately barely changed and is continually enabled by other characters and the narrative to continue his behavior because virtually everyone around him has an abnormally high tolerance for his bulls***.

That's all I can write right now. Thank you for reading.

-Crimson Lion (18 January 2020)

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #izuku midoriya #katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugou #bnha 257 #character analysis #meta #drabble #long post #anti bakugo #anti bakugou

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