#Rare bleeding disorders
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patchouii ¡ 2 months ago
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NBC’s Hannibal and fantastical realism: feats beyond the pale of human limitation
Nobody can deny that NBC’s Hannibal is especially unique and exemplary in its use of surrealism and elements of fantasy in a universe otherwise set in a version of our modern real world. These elements of mysticism and their loose yet easily understandable explanations provide both aesthetic and plot-driven benefits— this fictional universe isn’t as bound by physics and logic as ours, and that’s that, there’s no need to ask how a man grafted onto a tree as a public display was only found when dawn broke or how two violent and conflicted lovers have been confirmed to have survived a fall into the freezing ocean, bleeding from wounds we’d call mortal. NBC’s Hannibal elevates and abstracts Arthur C. Clarke’s statement that “magic is just science we don’t understand yet” on a revolutionary level, and the way that applies to certain characters is no different.
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From what we see over the course of the show, some of the most fascinating and most obvious elements of this are the fantastical abilities and skills that various characters display. Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter, and Elliot Buddish (aka The Angel Maker) are the best examples of this. We can assume that rare abilities fall somewhere along a sliding scale that runs from favoring heightened physical skill to mental skill, and it’s possible that the strain these gifts put on the people who possess them can morph them into curses— from Will’s bout of encephalitis to Hannibal’s psychopathic urges to Elliot’s brain cancer, it seems that toeing the line of human limitation doesn’t come without its biological costs.
Will Graham is introduced to us as a troubled star profiler with an “empathy disorder”, a “pure empath”, as Hannibal phrases it. But this isn’t empathy in a real world sense, Will doesn’t just consider how others feel about things, in fact, he can be incredibly cruel and selfish. Will’s empathy is an ability rather than a trait— he can literally take on the perspectives and emotions of those he “empathizes” with as a form of telepathic psychometry. His empathy also allows him to envision whatever he wants, closing his eyes or willfully dissociating and entering a world of his own creation. He can will himself into hallucinations while still entirely lucid. This is something that’s psychologically and scientifically impossible. People’s brains just don’t work like that. It’s fantasy, straight up, and the psychologists of the show’s universe are seemingly unruffled by it other than in terms of its understudied rarity.
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I’d wager that Elliot Buddish sits at the mid-point of that sliding scale of rare, heightened physical and mental abilities compared to Will’s more mentalistic leanings and Hannibal’s more physical and sensory-based ones. Elliot killed and displayed his victims as “angels”, believing that he could sense who was a sinner. But a state of psychosis can’t explain how every victim of his happened to be a killer, violent criminal or sexual predator. The BAU team had to run his victims through their database to reach the same conclusion, and Elliot distinguished sinners from average people through seeing their heads wreathed in flames, a visualization reminiscent of the “light bar” Will uses to visualize a crime scene from the start. The reason I think he falls in the middle of the abilities spectrum is because his suicide— suspending himself from a barn’s beams, cutting and tying wings from his own skin before bleeding to death— and the impossible pain tolerance and strength it required matches Hannibal’s more physically centered abilities too.
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Hannibal Lecter is practically a monument to carnality in all its flavors and forms, from his incredibly violent past to his love for manipulating minds and bodies with equal dedication and his preference for human flesh. It makes sense, then, that his elevated abilities should lie within the realm of the physical instead— or perhaps his inclinations are partially a result of the nature of the skills he was born with. Hannibal’s senses are elevated beyond that of any human and even those of some other animal species— his sense of smell is so precise that he can detect particle traces of corn husk on the body of a killer’s victim who was covered in resin, blood and dirt and jumped into a river before being found bloated downstream in the midst of the bleach-laden BAU lab. He can pick up on hormonal fluctuations as well in a related way and can recognize certain mixes of hormones, which is just impossible in real life. He says that he could smell the stomach cancer on a teacher of his and recognizes that Bella Crawford has cancer too, and he picks up on the changes in bodily chemicals that herald Will’s encephalitis and the fear of his victims. The senses of smell and taste are somewhat intertwined, and he can “taste the fear” in Randall’s flesh as a result. His exploits stalking around houses, roads and neurology offices in the pitch-dark seem to imply better night vision, and his pain tolerance is simply inhuman, silent and stoic as he’s branded by Cordell and fully mobile even after being shot in the side by Dolarhyde.
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These slightly supernatural reality-but-to-the-left elements in the world of the show have always intrigued me, honestly, and they really put the cherry on top of an already wonderful series. To me, they seem to pay homage to the occasional flashes of surrealism and thrilling unreality that run through Thomas Harris’s original novels, matching the crisp, straightforward prose in the show’s visual medium in a way that’s delightful to watch. I’ve never watched any other piece of media that twists and stretches the world of its story as captivatingly as this, and I don’t think I ever will.
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zombieplaguedoc ¡ 4 months ago
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To selfshippers with rare / less common birthmarks, conditions, disorders, anything in those sorts
Your f/o(s) would NEVER find it digusting, revolting, scary, NOTHING. Your f/o(s) would be curious at first, wanting to know what it is since they've never heard of it but once they know, they're more than completely okay with it.
If you're insecure about it, your f/o would remind you everytime that there's nothing to be ashamed of.
Your f/o(s) would 100% help you with your routines, care for your condition(s), soft reminders about taking your medication, anything you regularly need.
Your f/o(s) would kindly get your attention if they notice you picking at your skin, already having a fidget toy and bandaids or a wet washcloth on hand incase there was bleeding.
They know it stresses you out, they know you can be worried about peoples point of view. That's why they'll always be there to remind you that you will always have them beside you, they see who you are on the inside, who you are as a living being, they appreciate having you around. Nothing will change that 💙
ANTIS DNI, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU
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hollyhomburg ¡ 3 months ago
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Prey Animals (9)
—  Pairing: Yoongi x reader, Bts x reader
—  Genre: Omegaverse, Mafia au, Polyamory au, Found family, Suspense, Eventual Smut, enemies to friends to lovers, Healing & Themes of trauma,
—  Summary: In a world where Beta's are rare, valuable, and often have more than one pack; Beta Min Yoongi does everything he can to keep his mafia heritage a secret from his primary pack. Little does he know he's not the only one who's living a double life.
—  Words: 4.6k
—  Warnings: Implied clothing control, Physical abuse, Implied eating disorder, Talks of violence, Discussed spousal abuse.
—  Check in at the end for my notes on this chapter! — 
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(108 days before, Yoongi)
You can’t hide all of it.
That Is what Yoongi realizes when he attends the next family dinner. It’s a more casual affair than the last one, hosted not at the Don’s ex residence, but on Moon family grounds.  
It’s a catered affair. White suit coated attendants wear red bolo ties, and the steak is served bloody.
It’s not a full celebration because there is still the matter of Jongho’s death. Expressed with condolences that seem rather hollow, seeing as Choi senior is not in attendance. Still out hunting down his son’s killers and searching through dead end leads.
The service had been neat and tidy even Yoongi had not been invited to attend. No one had beyond the Choi inner circle had. The casket closed.
The dinner is sparsely attended, barely more than thirty people. Roll is not called, there is no red carpet or lavish decorations.
The moon family home is a constellation of purple and black velvet. Dark patterned walls neither modern nor mid-century. Great big bouquets of purple roses and purple tulips litter the tables, allowed during Hors d’oeuvres and then taken away for the main course.
Although Yoongi knows that Moonbyul’s- unlike most of the family has a multi person pack (three omega’s), only her mate, the one who wears her bite mark on her throat, is there to welcome guests. Yoongi wonders where the others are. Upstairs probably, locked away from all this bloodshed. Kept safe or kept locked up away from prying eyes, who really knows?
Yoongi can’t say he doesn’t understand the impulse. He’s never met Moonbyul’s other two packmates before, but he knows they’re both omega’s. Moonbyul’s pack is one of the more typical ones; One alpha with three omegas’ to choose from is every alpha’s wet dream.
The moon family has always done well for themselves. Trafficking in diamonds both bloody and clean, real and impressively fake. Having figured out a method of creating lab diamonds without any signature and efficient at passing them off as the real thing. Their business has earned the family quite the fortune. Other families have been after the secret for years. Even Yoongi doesn’t know the location of Moonbyul’s laboratories. No doubt kept under lock and key.  
Moonbyul’s omega is similarly adorned with the kind of things that glitter, blinding to look at. The jewelry that Yoongi had so teased you for looks only dim in comparison. Yoongi has nothing against Hyejin, he might not know her well but…
You by comparison, are resplendent.
The dress code for this evening is velvet, much like the kind that line the inside of jewelry boxes. Many of the alpha’s have taken to dark velvet suits, the kind that makes diamonds stand out- and so has Hyejin. Your dress is lighter in color and more in line with the other omega’s. Off white, a silk corset tightly tied to offset your billowing velvet skirt and skyscraper high heels. Black velvet gloves that go up to your elbow.
Although you can hide the rest of the bruises on your face with makeup, what you cannot hide are the two stitches over one eyebrow. Small and dark, covered with a barely perceptible suture, the makeup dotted over top only makes it more noticeable. A bit of blood at the center, not enough to threaten a bleed, but too much to escape notice.
Yoongi knows what it’s from. The other night when Geumjae pushed you into the car without worrying about your face.
Yoongi sees you cling to Geumjae’s arm, more out of necessity than actual want. Your heels are so high- anyone would have trouble walking in them. Geumjae just smirks. All of them omega’s are delicate and dainty with their white getups, but Yoongi’s own dark three pieces suit feels stifling.
Yoongi watches you pick at your food through the whole of dinner. Not once does he see you lift your fork to your mouth and eat.
~-~
There Is a pause between the first course and the second where the omega’s head to the powder room to correct their makeup and the alpha’s head upstairs to partake in Moonbyul’s less…pedestrian delights.
Moonbyul’s omega tucks her elbow through yours and leads you there, faster than Yoongi can catch up to you, dragged into some conversation- an alpha asking for his advice on this and that. You cast one glance back, not at Yoongi, but at Geumjae. Already following the other alpha’s up to the parlor room.
Its decadently decorated with green velvet and dark leather couches, nooks and a fully functioning bar that serves Macallan by the glass and not the shot. There are dark nooks here and there, pairs of alphas in booths. It’s practically a private gentleman’s club.
Yoongi corners Geumjae in one of those booths, pulling half the red velvet curtain shut to give them both a modicum of privacy. He's already got a full glass of whiskey Infront of him, but Yoongi watches, vocalizes it, even though he probably shouldn’t.
He can’t let the bruises on your body slide; can’t let it go without at least trying. Maybe he should have thought better of it and shouldn’t confront Geumjae out of fear for what it might bring back on you.  But that the whole family surely knows about it, the abuse he’s putting through, they must know and they probably don’t care.
The stitches in your eyebrow…If that’s what Geumjae gives you for being late, for being out past a certain hour, he can’t imagine what the rest of your life is like. Yoongi can’t do nothing.
Predictably- he dismisses Yoongi’s concern. Laughing at his carefully worded chiding.
“She’s just an omega- you know how they are. They need a firm hand to keep them in their place.”
Yoongi bites back a scoff. Thinking of Jin and Jungkook and how little that applies to them. Anyone who even dared to insinuate that it’s Jin who needs the firm hand in their relationship would surely find their world view upended. 
He watches Geumjae cut another line of cocaine. The amount of drugs in this study cost enough to feed a small family for a year. But Yoongi knows better than to partake. He needs to keep his mind clear. He doesn’t even drink. He pretends to take a bump and taps it off onto the floor when Geumjae tips back another swallow of the whiskey.
“Omegas aren’t even fucking worth it if you ask me brother, you’re supposed to give half yourself away and for fucking what? A glorified bed warmer?”
Yoongi boils and stays silent, letting Geumjae get himself wasted on drugs and alcohol. Pupils slowly turning glassy and wide. He can’t tell what distresses him more; that Geumjae has such little regard for life that he can’t recognize that omegas are fucking people or that he’s so freely sharing this with Yoongi. 
He knows he’s toeing the line. More pushing might hurt you more. Yoongi can’t imagine wanting to hurt someone he loves or speaking with the same callousness that Geumjae speaks. “Don’t you love her?”
Geumjae laughs at Yoongi, loud enough to draw attention of the others. “Oh little brother, don’t you know yet that love makes you stupid?”
Yoongi sighs, tired of this conversation already. Barely resisting giving back a retort. But those threats from the funeral linger. And it’s not only your life and Yoongi’s at stake here but the rest of his pack. He has to fool Geumjae into thinking he is on his side. 
“Work with me here- what will the other omegas in the pack think if they find out what kind of shit you pull? And they’ll take their concerns straight to their alphas and say you’re unfit to lead out of fear that one day, their wives and husbands will do the same to them. You know I have to listen to the bulk of them regardless of what you want.”
If he can’t appeal to Geumjae’s humanity- he can at least appeal to Geumjae’s self-interest and common sense. His image in the family is arguably the most important thing in Geumjae’s mind, and Yoongi can tell by the way that Geumjae sits back when he says the words that at least some of it has stuck.
Geumjae might have been trained in torture, but Yoongi was trained in talking people through problems, to manipulate them to do his bidding and convince them it's of their own free will.
Another alpha joins them in the booth, and Geumjae is only too happy to offer the youngster (hardly 16) a line of cocaine. Geumjae just shrugs at Yoongi, and he can practically hear him.
What? It’s good for business.
Yoongi doesn’t know what kind of deal he has with the Miyazato family to personally supply him with the good stuff, but Geumjae has more than enough for every alpha in the Den. (The Miyazato family is one of the few family groups that traffics only in one specific sort of drug, fentanyl and cocaine) Maybe Geumjae gives them cheap firearms if they pass on a brick of the good stuff to him.
One of the other nearby alphas leans over, slaps Geumjae on the shoulder, they haven’t been completely secretive here. “At least your wife is pretty- my old hag doesn’t even bother to put on makeup, yours is pretty good at it.”
Geumjae tips his head back. “You’re right about that, at least she’s pretty.�� Geumjae leans forward, pupils blown, gesturing wildly. “Now if only I could get her to shut the fuck up-” they laugh boisterously and Yoongi stays silent, hand tight on his knee under the table.
As quick as the alpha pipes in, he’s dragged away by the appearance of Moonbyul carrying a dark case, not full of diamonds but expensive Cuban cigars that fill the room with sweet smoke. The alpha’s gather around the box and Moonbyul hands out her party favors.
“If beauty is what you value why do you mar her face so casually?”
Geumjae shrugs as someone hands him a cigar. Yoongi declines his. “There’s always plastic surgery, I don’t mind paying for that. She’s already been through her first round of modifications anyway. She’s overdue for a few more. And-” He lights it, spitting out smoke.
Yoongi’s mouth goes dry. Geumjae sips at his whiskey. The ice clinking. “You assume that her beauty is her most dangerous quality” Geumjae jabs a finger at him. “You know nothing about my wife brother. It’s not surprising to me that she’s managed to sink her teeth into you already.”
“She’s practically a child.”
Geumjae scoffs, “She’s of age. Was when we married, if you’re that concerned about her non-existent virtue. A word of advice brother-” Geumjae sips his drink again before he drags Yoongi in, his breath smells like whiskey and ashes. His hand on the back of his neck forcing him in. Yoongi tries to pull back. But can’t manage it, Geumjae is stronger than Yoongi because he’s an alpha.  His lips brush Yoongi’s ear and Yoongi wants to vomit. He tries to recoil, but Geumjae doesn't let him.
“Asking a pretty woman not to have an ulterior motive is like asking a dog not to bite. It may or may not be in their nature; but it is certainly what they’ve been trained for.”
The others file out and Geumjae goes with them. The promise of a new shiny toy in the garage draws alpha's in like flies to honey. A car that like the woman downstairs, is one in a million.
In the darkness of the den room, Yoongi watches Moonbyul pour herself her own glass. Yoongi turns to the side of the booth, resting his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. Moonbyul notices his distress. Takes the last cigar from the box and offers it to him.
Yoongi shakes his head. She shrugs and proceeds to light it with a zippo from inside her coat pocket. She leaves the zippo lighter burning on the bar top. The flame flickering back and forth with the draft in this house.
"Tell me cousin, do you know the difference between villains and hero’s"
Yoongi rolls his eyes at her theatrics and lets the silence hover.
"Villains need to kill millions to gain infamy, a Hero need only kill one." She puffs on her cigar, getting it going. It looks comically large for such a small woman. "Don't let your fear of becoming a villain keep you from being a hero."
Moonbyul shuts the lighter with a metallic clink and the flame is gone in an instant.
~-~ `
Yoongi toes down the wide curved staircase, trying to delay his return to the others as long possible. The last of the omega’s exits the foyer, heading back into the dining room with a cluster of whispered giggles. The crushed velvet flooring makes the sound of his footsteps nonexistent, gathering his thoughts. He passes by the powder room door, still lit inside, the honey light spilling onto the steps.
He doesn’t mean to overhear.
“Are you sure you’re alright pup?”
You say something soft, that Yoongi cannot hear you, he can’t even see you. Hyejin says something back and your reply, sounding breathless but confident. “You go down first; I’ll be there in a moment.” When Hyejin leaves, she doesn’t see Yoongi, standing there half in shadow. But Yoongi sees her pluck a napkin out of one of the attendants pockets on the way down the steps. Watches her wipe something red from her fingers and hand it to them.
Any other omega might have thrown it onto the ground just to watch the staff pick it up. Yoongi adds it to his mental tally.
Yoongi steps into the light of the doorway the same second you exit the powder room, a bright lit up space, the only spot that’s pastel. Your lipstick Is not smudged at the corner, in contrast, it looks perfectly applied. You teeter, taking a step back. Letting out a surprised “oh!”
Yoongi takes a step back onto the landing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Yoongi can’t help but think that you do that, startle easily. He wonders why that might be. You hold your hand over your chest and don’t say anything. You can hear the omegas and the grannies gossiping in the kitchen. Half of the alpha’s from upstairs have disappeared to smoke their cigars outside and appreciate a new Rolls Royce that one of the uncles bought out front. The wide windows are open but threatening. Anyone could look inside and see both of you standing here on the steps. The fountain outside on the cobblestone driveway gives a distant gurgle.
You both occupy the space. Neither of you steps away from the other for a moment.
The corset portion of your dress makes your chest soft-looking, plump, and inviting- if Yoongi was the kind of man to get distracted by something like that. All he notices is how it’s making your chest heave. Breath uneven, he thinks he can hear the boning in the dress creek. It’s a designer thing, but it looks too tight on you. He can tell how uncomfortable you are. 
“Are you okay?” he asks, though it’s clear you’re not, you don’t reply, looking down and away worried. Yoongi thinks you are, but the next second you’re scrabbling, reaching out to grab the Bannister, he catches you, hands going around your waist. “Shit- hey- what’s-” Your breath heaves.
Your collar bones are sharp looking and delicate. You’re wearing a small necklace, not gaudy but certainly sparkly. A diamond. Somewhere between pink and purple. It’s too dainty to be a gift from your husband.
“My dress, it’s-” you gasp, reaching behind you. Scrabbling for the ties there. “He did my corset too tight; it’s hurting my ribs. I’m going to pass out-”
Yoongi quickly looks around, but there is no one around in the part of the house right now, you’re alone. The attendant on the bottom of the steps has his back turned. He turns you around until you’re grabbing the railing, knuckles going white as you grip it hard.
He undoes the top knot of the dress with a harsh yank, and you inhale gratefully, gasping as he tugs at the strings looser, fingers touching your bare skin. “Oh, thank you- ah-” you hold yourself up via the railing of the staircase and Yoongi continues to loosen it. Tugging at the white ribbon tie until you touch your waist, inhaling gratefully. “I fucking hate corsets- how did people wear them for like a hundred years.”
“Is that better?” He has to be quick. This isn’t exactly scandalous but it’s not quite proper. He ties it back up in bow, different than the knot that was tied before, an ineffectual tangled sailors knot (tied so similar to a noose that it almost looked suspicious.
Yoongi’s hands hover on the bare skin of your back. You have freckles here; he wonders if you know. His finger hides a beauty mark. His fingers touch the bare skin of your back. Warm.
You stand up straight, and Yoongi snaps his hand away from your skin like it’s burned him.  You go a little stiff, and Yoongi steps back from behind you so that he can turn. “Sorry, I didn’t mean too.”
You tuck a lock of hair behind your ear, watching him with more suspicion than he likes.
Luckily, downstairs, the bell rings for the second course, and both of you have an excuse to make haste, making it to the foyer the same second that Geumjae comes in from outside in a cloud of smoke.
~-~
For the rest of the evening. Geumjae has the good sense to act softer with you in front of the rest of the family. But Yoongi fears he might have done more bad than good.
There is subtext to everything.
You spend the rest of the dinner with your gaze downturned at the food. You’re sensitive about eye contact, Yoongi gets it; You don’t have as much control over your facial expression as the rest of these robotic mobsters.  
More than once. Geumjae catches him staring at you. You look so much more comfortable now that it’s been loosened. Your hand hovering in front of your dress to conceal your cleavage under the guise of fiddling with your necklace. During those moments, Geumjae rewards Yoongi’s wandering gaze with bold touches. A hand sliding from waist to hip.
Only Yoongi notices how you suddenly straighten up in pain. 
Geumjae’s harsh fingers dig into a bad bruise on your hip. You’re so trained, you barely flinch when he does it. And still- Yoongi’s hands tighten on his knife. He tries to stomach the wagyu Infront of him. The Moon’s like their flesh raw. He grits his teeth and chews hard to stop himself from making a scene and reaching across the table to stop Geumjae from hurting you.
Many of the other members of the family notice Geumjae’s sudden affection. The way that he pulls you to sit on his lap when the hour grows late and Moonbyul’s liquor storage has been significantly depleted. The curious looks from the others confirm what Yoongi has always suspected; that most of the time; your presence at family dinners has been seen and not heard.
He’d never given you much attention at these family meals, at least not before Yoongi came with his wandering eyes.
Geumjae meets Yoongi’s gaze with a challenge in his eyes.
Yoongi keeps his eyes firmly trained on his plate full of spiced soft-shelled crab as one of the grannies comments on how sweet the two of you seem. Yoongi wants to gag. “You know how new love is. I feel like we’ll be in the honeymoon phase forever.”
Yoongi watches as Geumjae’s hand slides up your thigh, you stop him, softly chiding. “Jae.” Most people at the table are on their 5th or 6th glass of wine. He’s not the only alpha drunk and handsy. But Geumjae just smiles, hooking his chin over your shoulder and grinning at you. Nuzzling into your temple. Your stitches. His hand comes up to play with the bow at the back of your dress. You look so small perched on his thigh.
“I want her all to myself so bad I think she’s worried I’ll chain her to my bed” he says- feigning drunkenness. You laugh too- trying to play it off but Yoongi can see your barely concealed fear.
He’s not the only one who notices how uncomfortable you are either; Hyejin also looks at you more than she should. Measuring your wellbeing with every long searching look. Her gaze stays on you for a good long while before flickering to Yoongi.
Yoongi see’s Geumjae smile at her. It’s not a kind or happy gesture, showing his teeth an inch away from snapping at her.
Moonbyul, sat at the head of the table clearly notices, sipping on her wine and picking at her food. Coolly leveling Geumjae with a challenging look. She doesn’t instigate a fight at the obvious show of aggression directed at her omega. While others might see that as weak Yoongi sees it as a remarkable show of restraint. No need to engage with such childishness here.
Yoongi puts his fork down and declines desert.
~-~
Yoongi takes his suit off at the first available opportunity, heading to the cottage to change before he’s called out again. He tries to stop himself from hoping when his phone lights up just after dinner, sitting on the kitchen table in the cottage. Next to your scarf sitting there still. Yoongi hasn’t figured out what to do with it.  
He’s disappointed when he reads the text and sees that it’s not you. He had sort of hoped that you’d text him after dinner, that you’d tell him that you’re alright. Anything. Maybe sent him a picture of you flipping off your dress or something. Yoongi’s not yet sure why he cares, why he’s worried. He shouldn’t be getting involved with this, he should just coast through the next hundred days or so, make his selection and bounce back to the pack to grovel.
But it’s not you whose texting him, it’s just one of his family members who’s in his part of town and wants to go out for drinks.
 Disappointment clings to him, making him feel grimy and slimy. It’s not one of the cousins who is in line for the throne so Yoongi’s not too worried about being pitched so late in the evening. Or dealing with the mental headache of dodging indirect questions about if he’s chosen someone for succession yet.
In all likelihood, they probably just want to bitch at Yoongi about one thing or another. There aren’t many safe confidants in the family. And Yoongi gets paid because he’s sort of the mafias therapist.
He wishes he could ask Jin for some tips when a few hours later he’s got an omega crying into his shoulder, drunk off his ass. It’s good to reconnect with them and the rest of his family. To reconnect names to long forgotten faces made fuzzy by the inelegance of memory. To remember that not all of them are outright evil.
That Yoongi too, is not a Villain, even though he’s not actively trying to take them down.
He doesn’t get drunk- not even close. He’s not stupid. He drinks an overpriced mocktail. It’s not until he’s nearly home that he recognizes the empty weight in his pockets. That’s funny- his wallets still there- but his phone isn’t. Not usual for a pickpocket.
Maybe he just left it back at the cottage.
None of the locks are sabotaged and nothing is out of place. His phone is sitting on the bedspread where he left it. Yoongi would chalk it up to his own forgetfulness if there weren’t a bullet hole clean through the top corner. The screen twitches with green and black, destroyed.
There is a white velvet ribbon looped through the hole and tied with a bow.
Yoongi only saw it once, only touched it once, but he recognizes the tie to your corset, the same ribbons he pulled to let you breathe just hours ago. Tied in a neat little bow, just like he left them.
Yoongi fingers the hole. The phone is as good as a paperweight now. When He turns it over. There is a sticky note on the front. It only says a few words, but they make Yoongi’s blood go cold regardless.
‘Someone named Namjoon called and he wants you home. We want you to leave too’
It’s been years but Yoongi still recognizes Geumjae’s handwriting.
There’s a little bit of blood on the end of the white ribbon, and when he lifts it to his nose- he smells your fresh rain scent, colder than ever, and twinged with something that Yoongi might recognize as fear. Not even a hint of sweetness. 
People’s secondary scents are usually harsh and acrid- meant to draw in one’s pack members out of concern. To communicate to others that you’re in distress without having to say it. Like Yoongi, chocolate when happy and sea salt when angry. Most people hover somewhere around the middle between the two normally.
Yoongi has never smelled something from you other than the rain. He wonders what you smell like when you’re happy and truly comfortable. He wonders if he’ll ever get to smell it. Are you all rainstorms and thunder, or is there something sweeter that you’re capable of? 
What are you like when you’re happy and not just afraid?
~-~
(Read the first Version of this story Here)
Notes:
- I will totally explain why Jongho was killed, HOWEVER it is very very spoilery if you haven’t’ read through the Og version of bily, but send me an ask about it and i will tell you.
- I think the reason why the m/c doesn’t eat in this section of the story is actually not for any ed reasons (although she definitely already has an ed when Yoongi meets her) but it is because Geumjae has literally done up her corset so tight that she can’t even fit a deep breath in her, let alone a bite of food. She is very near to damaging her ribs.
- You should know that Macallan is like minimum 2.5k a bottle, the kind that I think that they’re drinking in this is probably their single malt that’s about 10k a bottle/1k a glass or something like that. Moonbyul is a bougie bitch.
- (SPOILERS) I highly suspect that Geumjae at least knew/suspected that the m/c had a hand in killing the don and beta. I don’t know how he sort of figured it out. But rest assured that’s what he’s referencing when he tells Yoongi to be wary of her ulterior motives.
- I feel like in the OG version of the story, I never really gave Geumjae a personality, but I truly think that with this version, I’ve done a better job of making him a compelling villain, we also get to see a lot more of Moonbyul earlier!
- It’s not actually about the m/c speaking, it’s about control. If she wants to speak, Geumjae will tell her to shut up, if she wants to be quiet, then he’s willing to do /anything/ to get her to make a sound.
- I feel like this is one of the few chapters that like- fully leans into the mafia persona and the mafia au, the aesthetic here is so pretty and I really like some of the details. I hope you can picture it as well as I can!
-incase it wasn't clear, the neclace that the m/c is wearing was a gift from Moonbyul. just another thing that seems a bit on the nose but i want to make sure that you keep track of these little details.
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mah-o-daryaa ¡ 1 year ago
Text
Avatar Cycle Trivia
Avatar Wan
Wan's name translates to "ten thousand" in Mandarin Chinese, as he lived ten thousand years before Avatar Korra. His name is also a pun on "one", as in Avatar number one.
Wan wore the colour of each of the four nations during his battle against Vaatu. His robes were yellow and orange (air), his armbands were green (earth), his sash was blue (water), and his scarf was red (fire).
In addition to becoming the first Avatar, Wan is also the first true firebender, as he was the first person to learn firebending from a dragon.
By fusing with Raava during Harmonic Convergence, Wan is technically the oldest Avatar to be identified, being 21 at the time.
The Earth Kingdom battlefield where Wan died is the same field that Zuko visits millennia later in Zuko Alone (Book 2: Episode 7). Interestingly, Wan first appeared in Beginnings, Part 1, which was the seventh episode of Legend of Korra, Book 2: Spirits.
Avatar Yangchen
Yangchen is the only known Avatar to have a sibling (Jetsun).
Yangchen is technically the first Avatar to have an established Team Avatar (not counting Wan and Raava).
Yangchen had split-personality disorder with her past lives, where she essentially suffered from nightmares of her past lives bleeding into her present self.
Yangchen's companion Kavik is the first person ever seen get chi-blocked.
Yangchen did not like the idea of people creating statues of herself in the future. Ironically, she was greatly revered in the Four Nations, and a statue each was built in both the Eastern and Western Air Temples.
Avatar Kuruk
Kuruk is currently the only known Avatar whose predecessor and successor were both women (Yangchen and Kyoshi respectively).
Kuruk had more lovers in 3 decades than Kyoshi did in over 2 centuries (the true story is more tragic).
Kuruk had a habit of challenging random people to feats of strength, which makes him the only known Avatar in history to have participated in an Agni Kai.
Kuruk was the best hunter and tracker in the history of the Four Nations. It's said there was nothing he couldn't hunt or track down (that includes spirits).
Kuruk is the only known Avatar to enter the Spirit World after death. Considering that only people with a special connection to the Spirit World can enter at death (such as Iroh and Yue), this means Kuruk must have had a spiritual connection rivalling that of most Air Nomad monks or nuns.
Avatar Kyoshi
Kyoshi is the only known Avatar known to be of mixed nationality; her father was from the Earth Kingdom, while her mother was a renegade Air Nomad.
Kyoshi had a rare condition with her earthbending where she could move large objects with ease but had difficulty in moving smaller objects (Suffering From Success).
Kyoshi has witnessed more passings of Sozin's Comet than anyone else, with three (not counting Lao Ge).
Kyoshi learned the secret to immortality from Lao Ge, which led her to have the longest lifespan of any Avatar.
Kyoshi has threatened both the Earth King and the Firelord.
Avatar Roku
Roku and Firelord Sozin share the same birthday.
Roku has been featured in the introduction sequences of both Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra.
Roku is the only known Avatar to appear old when he was called upon by the current Avatar.
When Roku entered the Avatar State for the first time, he destroyed the Fire Sage Temple.
Roku's dragon Fang is the only animal companion ever seen in the Spirit World.
Avatar Aang
It took Aang longer than any Avatar in history to become fully realized, being over a century old.
Aang has a scar on his back and on his foot, because of how electricity works.
Aang choosing four toys out of thousands – to identify him as the Avatar as these four toys were the same ones that past Avatars had chosen for generations when they were children – was the same procedure used by the Tibetan Buddhist monks to recognize the next reincarnation of the Tulku Lama.
Aang has met the original source of every bending art: a flying bison for air, the Moon Spirit for water, badgermoles for earth, and two dragons for fire.
Aang is the first Avatar to have his picture taken.
Avatar Korra
At four years old, Korra is the youngest Avatar in history to be identified.
Korra is the first Avatar to learn spiritbending.
Korra is the only Avatar to break out of bloodbending without the use of the Avatar State (sorry, Aang).
Korra is the only Avatar to have killed a member of her own family (Unalaq).
Korra is the first known person to ever tame a polar bear-dog (Naga).
Miscellaneous
Wan and Roku are the only two Avatars to die in combat.
Roku and Aang are the only two Avatars to fight a volcano. Aang was successful, while Roku died.
Aang and Korra are the only two Avatars to ever be defeated in the Avatar State.
Aang and Kyoshi are the only two Avatars to ever get hit by lightning. Ironically, when Kyoshi was hit by lightning, her chakras were opened and she gained the ability to enter the Avatar State; conversely, Aang's chakras were blocked and he was unable to enter the Avatar State.
Kuruk and Roku are the only two Avatars to have been identified the "traditional" way in their respective nations at 16; Wan fused with Raava at 21, Kyoshi was identified at 16 when she recited Kuruk's poem, and Yangchen, Aang and Korra were identified at younger ages.
Yangchen, Aang, and Korra are the only Avatars to have been identified at younger ages than 16.
Wan, Aang, and Korra are the only Avatars who are modeled after real-life people. Wan is modeled after co-creator Bryan Konietzko (but with cooler hair); young Aang is modeled after Arjuna, Sifu Kisu's son (but Aang is bald), while adult Aang is modeled after co-creator Mike DiMartino; and Korra is modeled after various female MMA fighters, most notably Gina Carrano.
Roku and Korra are the only two Avatars who have worn an outfit from each of the four nations on-screen.
Roku and Korra are the only two Avatars to have connections to royalty. Firelord Zuko, and thus every following Firelord, are descendants of both Roku and Sozin, whereas Korra's father was a member of the Northern Water Tribe's royal family, and was later elected as the chief of the newly independent Southern Water Tribe.
When Kyoshi first met Yangchen, she (Kyoshi) mistook Yangchen for her own mother.
When Kyoshi first met Kuruk, she almost drowned her physical body trying to communicate with him.
Roku and Yangchen are the only two Avatars to have hugged the current Avatar at the time (Aang and Kyoshi respectively).
Wan, Korra, and Kuruk are the only Avatars to refer to Raava by name, although the latter (Kuruk) had never met Raava.
Yangchen, Kuruk, and Aang are the only Avatars to have invented an airbending technique. By extension, Kuruk is the only person outside of the Air Nomads to invent an airbending technique (he didn't get his mastery tattoos, what a shame).
Aang and Korra are the only two Avatars to learn energybending.
Kyoshi, Roku, and Aang are the only Avatars to use bending after their respective deaths.
Kyoshi, Roku, and Aang are also the only Avatars to have descendants (but let's be realistic, so did Kuruk).
Aang and Korra both learned their native element from a companion of the previous Avatar, and their final element from a descendant of the previous Avatar. Aang learned airbending from Monk Gyatso, a companion of Roku, and learned firebending from Zuko, Roku's great-grandson. Korra learned waterbending from Katara, Aang's wife, and learned airbending from Tenzin, Aang and Katara's youngest son.
That's all the fun facts I could find.
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cxndiedvi0lets ¡ 3 months ago
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Looking for help
TW: Verbal and Physical Abuse, Suicide, Self-Harm, Eating Disorder, Sexual Harrassment, Mental Health, Animal Abuse
For anyone who's reading this, I just want to say thank you, and even if I'm desperately seeking for help. I'm not tagging anyone. You may know me as Violet or CxndiedVi0lets on Tumblr, and I've been blogging a lot in a while.
I've had severe episodes in the past where I may have been acting too extremely or even at this rate suicide. I've already had the mindset at the age of 5, and honestly, I'm really tired of pulling this act.
I honestly just don't want to be in this household anymore.
Over the years, my mental health has become progressively worse, and I've tried to seek help from a psychiatrist and a psychologist and have been diagnosed with severe depression along with psychotic episodes which well knownly for my anxiety and impulsive nature of BPD which of course, my impulse is no excuse but I'm not saying its not hard to control.
I stopped seeing a clinic because of my brilliant and intelligent father, who simply seemed to know everything. Then, continues to mock me for my condition.
So, I stopped on medications and everything else even if I was progressively getting worse, not only mentally but as well as physically.
I begin to fail a lot of my subjects and further have been neglecting my health but, Its not what im going through details.
The part where I've really finally snapped is when he threatened to kill my cats, and I've stopped telling them everything because they always use my past against me or remind it as a "safety precaution." I was sexually assaulted at the age of 7, which lasted until I was 12 before my grandfather was kicked out. To say the least things weren't going smoothly, I thought to myself it never affected me but didn't realized it had affected me in ways of self-destruction thinking it was just a normal cycle of a hormonal teenager which I won't elaborate my acts on which you can decide on.
I've had a lot going on in school. I've been sexually assaulted by a classmate recently, but I never elaborated on it, and his acts on me because I didn't wanna make a biggee deal of what I'm going through, even if it is over. I still see his face every day in school, passing by, he was just changed courses and I tried my best to make myself unrecognisable by changing how I dress and my looks which also kind of resulted me getting bullied lol and having my name written on those ridiculous smash or pass books degrading me and objectifying me. It didn't bother me... or at least I think it didn't. I've had a lot of rumours spread around me, and I have been oversexualising myself and making up stories to sound like im a whore. Stereotypical american netflix high school stuff huh?
And yet, I go back home to be used as my father's punching bag (literally) even when it's my mom's fault. It's always the case, and he always justifies it that me being beaten up despised getting bruised was for lecturing me or whatever, lol.
I also hate the fact that they'd even keep more pets like dogs just to have as a toy then neglect them once they begin to have health conditions and continue to get more than complain about them. They don't even have any remorse if they're dying or sick.
Same way of how my father used to lock me up and forced me not to eat cause I dropped a plate accidentally once lol.
I rarely eat, especially when they're around, and they like to complain about why I don't eat with them. I just like to say im not hungry, and now I dont actually feel any hunger at all, and some point that stress led me to gaining weight and overeating which of course led into other health complications. Like bleeding. Anyways skipping on that.
I honestly don't know what to do trying to hide a façade like this anymore, I just want to die or run away im never happy with literally anything. I can't feel anything, I've gotten used to so much pain, I just don't even react to it even when they start swearing at me or calling me names or anything. I don't feel human at all.
I just wish someone could help me maybe leave me advise or maybe send me something on my paypal just so I can earn to get out of this place. I honestly don't care if they think im selfish, I've had enough of this life.
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t1wl1ghts ¡ 7 months ago
Note
If you have any, what are some darker headcanons you have of Killer!Sans?
MY FIRST ASK WOOOOOOO!!
TW: SELF HARM, HALLUCINATIONS, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, EATING DISORDER (?)
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꩜ I like the idea of his vision either being normal or extremely messed up depending on what stage he's at! (inspo: astray-anomaly)
꩜ But not just does his vision get incredibly blurry but he has a form of prosopagnosia that gets worse around stage 3 or 4. Where he even struggles to differentiate the Star Sanes from his team.
꩜ He is rarely in stage 1, it's very rare to see him like that. The only person who's been able to see him like that is Nightmare and Color, no one else would see him like that.
꩜ I do think he would have DID or at least something similar to it. Along with MAJOR PTSD, he would have some major trust issues. So getting close to him would be EXTREMELY hard, he most likely would be hypervigilant, and have flashbacks.
꩜ He has depersonalization disorder, I think for him he would have the mindset/coping mechanism of "This is all a game nothing is real", and would try to disconnect from reality and what he's doing. This would cause him to feel like he's just watching himself act out his violent behavior without controlling it.
꩜ He experiences hallucinations, not to the same degree as Dust who would have constant hallucinations, but Killer would have his moments. He'd mainly suffer from auditory hallucinations, voices constantly whispering to him. Some examples are commanding voices such as a voice saying, "Hurt him now," "Kill her," or "End your life." or some voices insulting him "You deserved everything' or "You deserve this punishment", Voices arguing with each other Example: Voices saying, "We should kill him," followed by another voice saying, "No, wait, he isn’t ready yet," making him paranoid. And last distorted sounds of violence, the sound of a knife cutting through flesh, yelling, screaming even in a silent room.
꩜ Bro abuses percs like his life depends on it, even though sometimes it can cause his paranoia and hallucinations to get worse but the highs where he just gets a rush of pure euphoria, all the negative emotions and thoughts leaving him, all the aches and pains in his body magically fading away replaced by warmth and numbness are what keeps him coming back to it.
꩜ He cuts himself for sure, there is nothing he can do to permanently escape from the quilt he feels from killing everyone he loves, his friends, his neighbors, and his brother. He definitely gets a rush whenever he cuts a little too deep, even though he doesn't actively try to kill himself he's not opposed to one day just bleeding out. He won't take care of the wounds either, he'll leave them to fester, bleed, and possibly get an infection. He'll even get injured on purpose during battles, just in case one day it'll kill him. Also because he just likes the physical pain, it's easier to focus on than what's going on inside his head.
꩜ Since he hardly takes care of his own wounds, he doesn't bother to bathe that much, he'll hardly ever change his clothes unless they're completely torn up or nightmare says something about it, though he hardly does. Even if he was to change he'll just get into less dirty clothes. He doesn't do his laundry anyway. Showers, brushing his teeth, and taking care of himself in general are basically nonexistent to him. He claims it's because he's lazy if asked why, but he just doesn't see himself worthy of such things.
꩜ He doesn't eat much either, he doesn't completely starve himself but just like every other problem he has, he just doesn't see himself good enough to eat.
꩜ He has major night terrors, he hardly gets any sleep which absolutely crushes him, if there's anything a Sans is good at it's sleeping. For him, it's just another soul-crushing reminder of what he used to be, happy, punny, a fun-loving skeleton...now he's just a shell of what he used to be.
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wheelie-sick ¡ 9 months ago
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Nervous System Effects of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus
AKA I spent hours suffering trying to find all this information and I want you to not have to do that!
Cerebrovascular
1. Stroke
"...studies have shown that stroke occurs more frequently in people with SLE than in the general population, with ischemic stroke developing in up to 20% of lupus patients..." link
2. Cerebral Small Vessel Disease
"CSVD is an umbrella term for a variety of conditions resulting from damage to small blood vessels in the brain. In most cases, CSVD is caused by the narrowing or obstruction of small blood vessels in the brain due to inflammation and/or a buildup of misfolded proteins called plaques. This chronic damage can starve brain cells of oxygen and cause internal bleeding, which in turn can damage other nearby brain cells." link
Diagnosed via a brain MRI to look for bleeding of the small blood vessels, damage to white matter, and small strokes - link
Occasionally is confused for Multiple Sclerosis - link
"Quantified MRI brain studies of individuals with lupus show significantly accelerated cerebral SVD, suggesting that this is the most frequently observed radiological–pathological brain abnormality in lupus...." link
CSVD is a large cause of dementia in the general population but the significance of these findings in SLE patients is unknown - link
Central Nervous System
1. Transverse Myelitis
"Transverse myelitis is a neurological condition that happens when both sides of the same section of the spinal cord become inflamed. This inflammation can damage myelin, the fatty substance that covers your nerves. Loss of myelin often leads to spinal cord scarring that blocks nerve impulses and results in physical problems." link
Symptoms can develop quickly or over the span of several weeks. Symptoms include back pain, neck pain, paresthesia, loss of bowel and/or bladder control, and heightened sensitivity to touch - link
Diagnosed via CT, MRI, or myelography - link
Differential diagnosis of comorbid Neuromyelitis Optica Spectrum Disorder - link
Transverse myelitis occurs in approximately 1% of lupus patients - link
2. Autoimmune Aseptic Meningitis
"...an inflammatory condition affecting the meninges, the protective membranes surrounding the brain and spinal cord..." - link
"Given that many individuals with lupus are immunosuppressed, a critical differential diagnosis is one of infectious meningitis caused by typical or opportunistic pathogens." - link
May cause nausea, fever, and neck stiffness among other symptoms - link
Diagnosed with a lumbar puncture and/or CT in part to rule out other causes of symptoms - link
3. Chorea
Chorea is a movement disorder causing involuntary, irregular, and unpredictable muscle movements. It affects arms, legs, and facial muscles - link
4. Parkinsonism
Causes slowed movements, tremor, and stiffness - link
Not the same as Parkinson's Disease!
A rare effect of lupus - link
Diagnosed based on brain MRI, single-photon emission computed tomography (SPECT), and response to treatment - link
5. Myoclonus
"Myoclonus is an uncontrollable muscle movement that’s sudden and brief. " link
6. Demyelinating Syndrome
"An association between lupus and MS-like brain changes have been suggested, and sometimes termed “lupoid sclerosis”" link
3.7% of patients have a demyelinating syndrome (though not all have primary SLE demyelination) - link
Demyelinating syndrome may cause vision loss, muscle weakness, muscle stiffness and spasms, loss of coordination, change in sensation, walking problems, and changes in bladder and bowel function - link
7. Lupus headache
"Headache is a highly prevalent disorder in people with SLE, but there is no convincing evidence that this incidence is higher than that seen in the general population. Thus the entity of “lupus headache” is controversial." link
One of the main characteristics of lupus headaches is that they are not remedied by pain medication. lupus headaches require treatment with steroids or immunosuppressants to resolve -- "severe, persistent headache; may be migrainous, but must be nonresponsive to narcotic analgesia" link
8. Posterior reversible encephalopathy syndrome (PRES)
"Posterior reversible encephalopathy syndrome (PRES) is a neurologic disorder in which a person presents with visual disturbance, seizure, headaches, and altered mentation" - source
"Posterior reversible encephalopathy syndrome (PRES) has been increasingly identified in patients with systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE)" - source
8. Seizures
"prevalence of explicit episodes of seizures among SLE patients, varies from 2 to 8%." - link
"SLE patients with recurrent seizures usually have abnormal findings on EEG, consistent with focal aware events, epilepsy with impaired awareness and focal to bilateral tonic-clonic epilepsy, as demonstrated by Appenzeller and colleagues who found that 9.7 % of patients with single epileptic seizure had abnormal EEG findings, compared to 100 % abnormal EEG findings, commonly on temporal lobe, in patients with recurrent seizures" - link
Peripheral Nervous System
1. Cranial Nerve Disorder
"Cranial nerve disorder refers to an impairment of one of the twelve cranial nerves that emerge from the underside of the brain, pass through openings in the skull, and lead to parts of the head, neck, and trunk. These disorders can cause pain, tingling, numbness, weakness, or paralysis of the face including the eyes." - source
"Cranial nerve involvement is also relatively uncommon and usually transient, occurring in 10% of patients with SLE." - source
2. Peripheral Neuropathy
"Peripheral neuropathy happens when the nerves that are located outside of the brain and spinal cord (peripheral nerves) are damaged. This condition often causes weakness, numbness and pain, usually in the hands and feet. It also can affect other areas and body functions including digestion and urination." - source
"Peripheral neuropathy occurs in as many as 18% of patients with SLE" - source
Ocular
1. Optic Neuritis
"The optic nerve itself can sometimes be inflamed in lupus, or it can be affected when the blood vessels supplying the nerve are themselves inflamed (that is, ischemic optic neuropathy). This can lead to a change in vision, or even vision loss." - source
"Optic neuritis is an uncommon neurologic manifestation of systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) and can be seen in about 1% of lupus patients" - source
"Optic neuritis usually affects one eye. Symptoms might include: Pain, vision loss in one eye, visual field loss, loss of color vision, and flashing lights." - source
Autonomic Nervous System
1. Autonomic Neuropathy
"Autonomic neuropathy occurs when there is damage to the nerves that control automatic body functions. It can affect blood pressure, temperature control, digestion, bladder function and even sexual function." - source
"Autonomic nervous system dysfunction is highly prevalent in SLE patients (up to 54%)" - source
Psychiatric
1. Lupus psychosis
" Psychosis is a serious mental disorder featuring defective thought processes, frequently with delusions or hallucinations." - link
Psychosis is one of the diagnostic criteria for systemic lupus erythematosus
"Differentiation of steroid-induced psychosis from lupus-associated psychosis is particularly challenging" - link
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transfemme-shelterdog ¡ 8 days ago
Note
What's the secret to getting shots every week? Is it thinking you're getting a rabies shot?
I just know it has to be done. I have two incredibly rare (less than 50 cases combined for each, and I'm the only one who has both at the same time) bleeding disorders so I'm very used to needles (I donate a lot of blood to research) and have been since an infant.
So I just do it. I do mine alongside my husband, but even then, it's not that terrible. It's like maybe 2 secs of pain, if any (sometimes I don't even feel it), and then it's over and I can rest assured that I'm gonna be getting more feminine.
It has to be done to transition, even more so once I get my orchi this week because I'll have *no* hormones in me aside from E, and I need to do the injection to prevent medical issues.
So yeah, I see it as something necessary and I just do it.
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corawithfanfiction ¡ 1 month ago
Text
I Should've Kissed You Longer I Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader
Episode 9
episode 8 - episode 10
MY MASTERLIST! - EVENTS! - HOME!
This is an original story and may not be copied or translated into another language without permission!
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Summary: The intervention team has arrived to deal with your appetite and your appetite that is getting worse day by day because Steve doesn't remember you.
Warnings: loss, denial, uncertainty of death, amnesia, loss of memory, non-contact, obscurity, mourning, unconsciousness, anorexia, eating disorder.
Author Note: I know that a few chapters are short, but the first chapters are a bit short as I need to cut the story in logical places as the chapters will get longer and longer. According to the current plans, our story will be around 27-28 chapters, enjoy your reading.
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Monday, July 8
night
You kissed me. I hugged you like a non-swimmer in the middle of the sea hugs anything that floats. And you kissed me back. You kissed my chin. "Your darkness over the light," you said, inhaling deeply as you kissed me. Those days are centuries ago.
I still throw up several times a day, at least once. I'm cold under the covers and I don't feel like drinking water, even if my throat feels like a desert, even if I feel like I've swallowed a handful of sand. Only rarely. I've become like a ghost. I see myself in the mirror. I'm thin, pale. My full but shapely cheeks that everyone loves to squeeze have disappeared. I'm half dead.
I haven't seen you because I never leave my room. A couple of times a day some of your team come and bring me something to eat. I always take two forks and throw up within a few minutes of them trying to talk to me or a few hours after they leave, but this afternoon the vicious circle was broken. Tony entered my room first and stood in the doorway waiting for me to look at him. When I finally looked at him in frustration, for a brief moment his eyes were on the glasses he had sent me, but his gaze found me again. I hadn't seen him since the two of you left my room fighting, but I knew he was aware of me somewhere back there. At worst, Friday was reporting to him.
When I looked at him, he smiled and gave a short bow and stepped aside to let me see the person he had brought. You were looking down at the tray he was holding, full of food. You looked up and our eyes met and for a moment the concept of time was lost to me. You looked more tired than I remembered and if I didn't know you, if I didn't know that you didn't remember me, I would say you were broken too. But I do know you and I know you.
For a moment I watched as you came and sat down next to me, as if in a dream, and said something. I couldn't take my eyes off you. I nodded briefly as your lips moved and waited for my response. When we finally broke eye contact, I began to get a sense of time and sound. When you looked down at the tray in your lap and picked up a fork, I looked at the plates as you did. Golden French fries, Heinz's mild mustard - a mustard addict, of course I recognized it - a red liquid that looked like hot sauce, a piece of veal Vienna schnitzel. A large bowl of a beautiful green salad with tomatoes and balsamic vinegar in the dressing, another bowl of spaghetti with tomatoes and cream. Finally a bowl of yogurt. All lightly salted, as I prefer.
I thought for a moment that if you fed me these, there would be a high probability of interesting and unwanted images. So I took the fork out of your hand so that nobody's eyes would bleed and there was a tiny exchange of electrons between our hands. I'm very fluent, but even when I stop and think about it, like it just happened, time breaks. I can't remember the last time I was this close to you. One moment it was like weeks ago, and then of course everything fell apart.
I had eaten some yogurt and a couple of potatoes when Tony suddenly spoke up. "Still upset stomach, Y/N?" You, already watching me and instinctively averting my eyes every time our eyes met, began to look at me even more intently. Besides, I knew you both already knew this, but I nodded, desperately hoping for the best - that it was to break the silence. "Yes." What was I supposed to say, that I was severely depressed because you didn't remember me and that I consciously refused to eat? I couldn't say that in front of you, I didn't want you to pity me, so I just looked for a knife in the tray and found one. I cut a small piece of the schnitzel, dipped it in a mixture of mustard and hot sauce and put it in my mouth.
"Of course, you're the expert, but this sickness has lasted a long time," Tony said, but didn't finish. I didn't understand what he was trying to imply, or at least I didn't think about it. Normally I liked to tease him, in fact I liked to tease everyone, but it was more fun with someone as smart as Tony, but I was in no mood or energy at the moment.
"I just don't take good care of myself." Well, let's not kid each other, I wasn't taking care of myself at all.
"Well, look than," Tony said, as if he was saying something perfectly normal. I gave him one of my many insulting, annoying smiles as I chewed my small portion of pasta, and after I swallowed it, I simply mocked, "Your intelligence has enlightened us."
"You should take care of yourself, you don't usually eat whatever anyone brings you. You're almost like a child," Tony said suddenly. Believe it or not Steve, I felt full and the appetite that had come with you was gone without you. I put down the other piece of schnitzel on my fork and leaned back. As I looked back at Tony's face I saw that I still had your eyes on me. I already remembered the effect your gaze used to have on me, no doubt I felt the same. "That's what I'm talking about."
"You've really gotten old, haven't you?" I asked with a grimace as I saw you pick up my fork. You picked up the piece of schnitzel I had left and held it up and examined it. I looked at you in horror as you put it in your mouth. Did you just eat something from my fork? It was as if I had traveled back a few weeks for a split second, but when I blinked, I remembered I was in real time.
"Your eyes have turned green since I've seen them," Tony said slowly. You swallowed and turned your eyes back to me. It was like a time vortex formed around us. Maybe we looked at each other for minutes. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but you seemed to be as affected by the situation as I was. Then, out of nowhere, you tried to shove a salad in my mouth. I don't know where it came from, but it was the fork you used, and I had the feeling that everything could go back to normal. That we could spend our days together like we used to. I wanted to think that maybe I just had the flu and you took time off work and stayed home to take care of me. That would simplify everything, but you know, the reality is very different. Nevertheless, I opened my mouth and gently let you feed me a salad.
You didn't speak during the whole meal and I only gave passing answers to Tony, who talked and talked. I hadn't had this opportunity for weeks, so I kept my eyes on you. When I was full this time, you nodded calmly and stood up, heading for the door. Tony smiled at me as he followed. He even came up to me and stroked my hair. For a moment a hopeful energy flowed from him to me. "You need to go back to the way things were," he said softly. "You've missed your cleaning routine for too long." The thing Tony teased me about the most was my cleaning routine. I did a thousand things every day. At one point he kept bringing it up and I realized I hadn't showered in a while.
When you left, and before you left you turned around and looked at me, I felt full again after a long time and I remembered why I loved that feeling. I don't know if you can believe it, but I didn't throw up after you left. I can feel my metabolism returning to normal because of the food. Maybe the way to get back to the way we were is to get back to the way I was?
Y/N
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plumbits ¡ 1 year ago
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Leptospirosis: What it is, what it does, and how you can protect yourself and your pets.
People always have questions about leptospirosis (lepto) when they come into the clinic, especially in regards to the vaccine. This post will hopefully clear up those questions or any confusion regarding lepto and its vaccine, and why it's so serious. The information in this post comes from my formal education as a LVT, as well as other sources including the CDC, PAHO, and AVMA. If I missed anything or you see something that's incorrect, please let me know!
First and foremost: What is leptospirosis?
Leptospirosis is a bacterial disease that effects human and non-human animals. It's caused by bacteria in the genus Leptospira. In humans, it can cause a wide range of symptoms that can be very general. This leads to misdiagnoses. Animals such as dogs, livestock, and certain wildlife are all susceptible to infection.
How is leptospirosis spread?
Lepto is most often spread through contact with the urine of an infected animal. This is especially the case (but not the only case) with wild rodents. Infected dogs can seem healthy, but still pass the bacteria on in their urine. In urine-soaked soil, the bacteria can survive for weeks to months.
Dogs typically become infected when their mucous membranes or open wounds come into contact with urine or urine contaminated surfaces (like soil or water). Infection can also be spread through urine-contaminated bedding or food, or the tissues from the carcass of an infected animal. There have been rare instances where lepto has been transmitted by bite or breeding. A pregnant dog who is infected may pass the bacteria to her puppies through the placenta.
Humans contract lepto pretty much the same way: through contact with urine from an infected animal or urine-contaminated surfaces.
What are the signs and symptoms?
In humans:
High fever
Headache and muscle aches
Chills
Jaundice
Vomiting and diarrhea
Redness of the eyes
Abdominal pain
Rash
Humans can also be asymptomatic, which is particularly concerning. It usually takes anywhere from 2 days to 4 weeks post-exposure to the infection source before any symptoms are displayed. The illness begins abruptly and it may occur in 2 phases. The first phase is where you will see a lot of the general symptoms listed above. The person infected may recover for a period of time, but become ill again. The second phase is more severe, leading to kidney or liver failure, and possible meningitis. The illness can last a few days to 3 weeks or longer.
Without treatment, recovery can take several months.
In dogs:
Signs and symptoms may vary slightly depending on the strain of the infected bacteria. The signs are also very general in dogs, but the most common ones include:
Loss of appetite
Vomiting and diarrhea
Lethargy
Abdominal pain
Jaundice
Dehydration
Increased thirst and urination
Weight loss
Stiffness or muscle pain
The disease can also progress to kidney and liver failure in dogs, with damage to other organ systems also noted in the literature. Lepto can also cause bleeding disorders, which can lead to blood in urine, vomit, feces, or saliva, and petechiae on the mucous membranes or light colored skin.
Who is most at risk?
For humans, those who are most at risk include those who work with animals or outdoors where you come into contact with wildlife. The Pan American Health Organization (PAHO) also mentions that sewer workers and military personnel are at-risk populations. Farmers (and generally people who work with livestock) also make the list, as do veterinarians, veterinary technicians, and veterinary assistants.
For dogs, it's all of them. "All dogs are at risk of leptospirosis, regardless of age, breed, lifestyle, geographic location, time of year, and other factors." (source: AVMA)
Situations that can increase the risk of your dog contracting leptospirosis are listed below:
Exposure to drinking from slow-moving or stagnant water sources (this includes puddles)
Roaming on rural property
Exposure to wild animals or farm animals, even if it's only in the yard
Contact with other dogs (such as in urban areas, dog parks, boarding, or training facilities.
How is leptospirosis treated and diagnosed?
Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical doctor or DVM, but I am an LVT. If you think you're experiencing these symptoms, PLEASE go see your doctor. If you think your dog or any of your other animals are experiencing these symptoms, PLEASE take them to your vet.
Diagnosis in non-human animals:
Unfortunately, routine blood tests alone cannot diagnose leptospirosis. That's why it's important for your vet to use all information available to them (i.e. diagnostics, signs and symptoms, lifestyle, etc). There WILL be abnormal results for blood work, most likely high liver and/or kidney values and high white blood cell count. There are specific tests available for diagnosing lepto, such as the DNA-PCR and MAT tests. Both may be needed to reach or confirm a diagnosis. False negatives are possible, so your pet may be treated as if they have leptospirosis, even if the test results are negative. False positives are exceedingly rare.
Diagnosis in humans:
Leptospirosis is diagnosed in a similar fashion in humans. A physical exam, blood work, and urinalysis will likely be run. The same style of tests are used: DNA-PCR and MAT.
Treatment in non-human animals:
Leptospirosis is treated with antibiotics and supportive care. Doxycycline is most commonly used, and will likely be prescribed for 2 weeks or more. Supportive care includes hospitalization with IV fluids and management of electrolyte levels. Additional medications and procedures may be necessary.
Treatment in humans:
The treatment is similar in humans, with antibiotics (usually doxycycline). Your doctor may also suggest to take ibuprofen and monitor yourself at home for less severe cases. If the case is severe, then you'll likely spend time in the hospital. Additional medications or procedures may also be necessary.
Outcomes:
In non-human animals:
Leptospirosis is responsive to treatment with antibiotics. Complete recovery is possible, but some animals that survive may be left with chronic kidney and liver disease. Some animals may not survive if the infection has gotten to the point where it causes severe organ damage or the ability of blood to form clots.
In humans:
You can survive leptospirosis. Most cases have either very mild symptoms that go away on their own, or none at all. Without treatment, leptospirosis can cause kidney damage, meningitis, liver failure, trouble breathing, and even death. PLEASE go see a doctor if you think you're experiencing any of these symptoms, especially together.
Prevention
How can you prevent infection and protect your pets?
For dogs, there's the leptospirosis vaccine. This is an annual vaccine that vaccinates against multiple strains of Leptospira. If you're worried about your dog having a vaccine reaction, let your vet know and they can administer an injection of diphenhydramine (generic benadryl) beforehand, OR you can ask them what the appropriate dose is for your dog and give them the respective amount at home (in tablets or liquid). Vaccine reactions are uncommon, but if they do happen, it's usually immediately after exposure to the vaccine. You can ask to stick around in the lobby/waiting area of your vet clinic for a few extra minutes if you're still concerned.
Limit your dog's access to standing water. Don't let them drink from it. Prevent rodent problems where you can by properly storing food items in appropriate containers, securing your garbage, and patching up any access points into your house if you see them. Try to avoid contact with wildlife, when possible.
For humans, the recommendations remain similar. Don't wade or swim in stagnant water, ESPECIALLY if you have open wounds. Avoid contact with wildlife. WASH YOUR HANDS, often and appropriately. USE PPE if you work in a veterinary setting and properly clean and disinfect surfaces and equipment. Make sure you know or research the area that you're in if you like swimming and boating. Check to see if there have been any recent lepto infections. Cover your scrapes and wounds with waterproof bandages and wear water shoes if possible.
I hope this post answered a lot of your questions! Thanks for reading.
Sources under the cut.
Sources:
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sysmedsaresexist ¡ 11 months ago
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Do you have sources about P-DID? Is really hard find about this disorder
Here's one, two, that talk very briefly about it.
There really isn't a lot of info, it's relatively new as a diagnosis, but its presentation has always been included in DID and OSDD/DDNOS.
That's where it gets tricky because it's hard to find articles about ANY kind of specific presentation. This is why articles on OSDD and DDNOS are scarce-- because it's all considered to stem from the same traumatic basis and have generally the same treatment, it's always lumped together.
The main difference from DID is that there very little switching. If it does happen, it's usually in very emotionally charged situations. Instead, alters typically just intrude-- what we usually call bleeding, blurry, or cocon scenarios.
Alters can be very elaborate and autonomous, or they can be mostly fragments. They can still talk to you, or not be capable of any communication aside from emotional intrusion.
They just very rarely switch.
I really like this article by Kluft (download link on site, if you don't want to read it all, start on page 17 of the PDF, or page 621 according to page number). It's super old and a bit long, but VERY interesting, I think you might get some use out of it.
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darkmaga-returns ¡ 2 months ago
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A group of leading American scientists has issued a chilling warning to the public after confirming that Covid mRNA “vaccines” trigger Acquired Hemophilia A (AHA) – a deadly autoimmune bleeding disorder.
The discovery was made during a study by a team of researchers at the prestigious George Washington University led by Dr. Jennifer Kate Beckerman.
The scientists sought to investigate surging reports of patients bleeding to death after receiving mRNA injections.
The findings of the peer-reviewed study were published in the British Medical Journal (BMJ).
The study found that the risk of AHA developing increased significantly in those who received Covid mRNA “booster” shots.
Hemophilia is a rare bleeding disorder where the blood doesn’t clot properly due to a deficiency or dysfunction of specific clotting factors.
The condition means that a patient can bleed uncontrollably, even from just a small cut.
In the study’s supporting evidence, Dr. Beckerman details the case of a male patient who suffered severe bleeding after undergoing a colonoscopy and a root canal.
Both procedures occurred shortly after receiving an mRNA “booster” injection.
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lovelytraumata ¡ 9 months ago
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„I hurt myself,” Cassie bit out. “I make myself bleed and it feels good. It eases the pressure inside me, but it never lasts for long.” Her lips trembled. “Before I slept in your bed, I’d never had a full night’s sleep. Before I crawled into your arms I’d never been safe.” She shuffled forward. “You give me that. You hold that power and you can take it away.“
Cassandra "Cassie" Jensen was born on 4 October, just a few minutes after her twin brother Clay. Together with her parents Matt and Lainie Jensen, she grew up in the small town of Evergreen. Cassandra was blessed with long dark brown hair, brown eyes and a small and slender stature. Ever since her childhood, Cassandra has been a shy and quiet girl who rarely socialises and prefers to stay in the shelter of her home and garden. Despite her brother, who had always found it easier to make friends, she never belonged anywhere. This didn't change in high school either. She always spent her teenage years engrossed in a book, studying for school or socialising with her family. In the midst of the events surrounding Hannah Baker and her tapes, her own trauma, her own story, was revealed. This was followed by an eating disorder and self-harming behaviour and several stays in a clinic. Even today, as she pursues a degree in psychology, she struggles to get her eating disorder under control.
⸝ tw : selfharm, blood, anxiety, depression, eating disorder
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mugsy ¡ 1 year ago
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As an ADHD-er that hc Giovanni as ADHD I am very curious to see your reasoning behind Giovanni having Tourette and asking you kindly some headcanons if you want to :) I find it very cool when people visualize characters with different things (sorry if it sounds rude) and I wanna know more!
AW YES ADHD GIOVANNI IS SO REAL DUDE!!!
Ok so like. I’m going to be honest the majority of it is projection. Giovanni is a character I heavily relate to on multiple levels and I see a lot of myself in him, and I’m tourettic, and I rarely see representation of it in Anything so I usually just grab characters and put the label on them. BUT I DO HAVE OTHER REASONS
ADHD Gio is actually one of them! ADHD, autism, and OCD are often comorbid with Tourettes and there’s some bleed-over between symptoms of those disorders. Having better focus can often make u tic less, and vice versa
Also, he’s a very eccentric and loud guy! A lot of tourettics make themselves loud and outspoken and attention grabbing purposefully to detract from how much attention we get from our tics. Can’t be judged for having a loud and disruptive disability if you’re just loud and disruptive in general!
And he yelps and squawks a lot and, while that’s not inherently indicative of Tourettes, I can view it through that lens with my beautiful mind if I so choose. Freedom of thought is beautiful.
Most of it is projection tho. He’s a loud, proud, eccentric guy who I relate to and imagining him having the same disability as me makes me feel less insecure about it
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whistle-nouveau-bah ¡ 4 months ago
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Final Girl Inspired Pack
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Name: Prescott, Jamie, Carol, Mari, Ellen, Julie, Andi
Pronouns: She/Her, Shx/Hxr, It/Its, Horror/Horrors, Hunt/Hunts, Heart/Hearts, Ble/Bleed, Blan/Blank, ❤️/❤️’s, 🩸/🩸’s, 🐱/🐱’s, 🔪/🔪’s
Age(s): Chrono 16, Ageflux between 17, 18, and 19.
Species: CisHuman, TransCat
Gender(s): Catgender, Mewgender, Neurogender, DIDGender, Caedeogender, Horrorimagric, Bigirlpolar, Bipolargender, Gxrl
Orientation(s): Bisexual
CisIDs: Bipolar Disorder, Final Girl, Semi-Verbal, white, blue eyes, black hair, pale, thin, scarred.
TransIDs: TransChinese, PermaBleeding, TransPlural, TransBrownEyes, TransImmortal, TransSpecies, TransCat, DemiDead, TrisNocturnal 
Paraphilias: Teratophilia, Necrophilia, Agalmatophilia, Nyctophilia, Somnophilia, Plushophilia
Proxy/Signoff: [Name]:text, 🩸:text, ❤️:text, 🔪:text, 🐱:text, [any combo of 🐱/🔪/🩸/❤️]:text
Roles: Trauma holder, Protector, Little Caretaker
Personality: Generally sweet, but feisty when she thinks her life is being threatened- which is most of the time, after her life was threatened. Shx now rarely talks- shx was soft-spoken before the night that changed hxr life, but shx’s even quieter in the aftermath. It refuses to sleep at night, preferring to sleep during the day when it's parents, siblings, or new friends can watch over it, and it can watch over the people it cares about while they sleep. Horror has a new collection of knives, keeping at least one on horror at all times, and sometimes prefers the company of cats to people. Hunt enjoys fiber crafts, scrapbooking, and video games! 
Appearance:
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I think I made this pack before I even started this blog to figure out what parts I wanted to include in the template! Figured she could finally see the light of day and give you something while I work on requests.
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taxes-evasion ¡ 1 year ago
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Hiya!! Can we get some general Toby hcs :3?? Also i love your hcs they send good tingles in to brain ‼️
Honestly? I think we all need more headcanons for our Toby ^^
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Characters Included: Toby.
Only Mentioned Characthers: Masky, Hoodie, Ben, Jane, Nina, EJ, Jeff, Kagekao, Liu/Sully, Lyra.
Small Warnings: abusive father, mention of a big wound, mention of Personality Disorder, mention of lack of sanity, mention of aggression, mention of hurting/killing someone, mention of drunk people, disgust towards alcohol, mention of weed use, mention of a road accident, mention of bullying.
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(credits for this go to the artist shatteredankles, on instagram. correct me if I'm wrong please)
- 𝐺𝐸𝑁𝐸𝑅𝐴𝐿 𝐻𝐸𝐴𝐷𝐶𝐴𝑁𝑂𝑁𝑆 𝐹𝑂𝑅 𝑇𝐼𝐶𝐶𝐼 𝑇𝑂𝐵𝑌 -
HIS PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Toby looks really young compared to his actual age;
Toby has remained very thin and has never gained muscle mass although he does a lot of movement (for example: his exercises in throwing his axes);
He is 170 cm tall (which is equivalent to 5' 7'' ft, I hope I did the conversion correctly, sorry my European ass);
His skin is very pale and, in appearance, Toby seems almost sickly and weak;
His skin contrasts with his dark hair, his dark eyes and with the large wound near his mouth;
His hair are slightly longer than when he was a teenager but continues to have a very dark totality;
He doesn't really take care of his hair, so they're very tangled most of the time, but they would be slighttly wavy;
Because of his facial wound, he rarely removes his mouthguard;
It's normal for him to keep it on, sometimes he sleeps with it;
HIS AGE
As previously mentioned, Toby seems young, he looks around 22/23 years old;
However our man is 27!!!
Yes, surprise, he's not a 17 year old teenager;
Precisely because he is getting older he has many resentments, after all he didn't enjoy his life as a student and adolescent at all nor his life as a child (given his abusive father);
For this reason he is very jealous of the kids and teens he meets during undercover missions;
(the voices tell him to kill everyone who has a good life but Toby knows it's wrong since it's not anyone else's fault that he had a horrible life);
(but still, Toby remains a violent and aggressive man, so as not to listen to the voices and not to actually kill everyone on sight, to prevent this, he will bite his nails until they bleed. Promptly Masky will hit him on the back of Toby's head telling him to stop giving in the eye);
HIS PRONOUNS (+ THE VOICES)
Toby uses male pronouns, however for the voices he uses they/them;
In fact, it happened that he spoke about the voices to some proxy or to a resident of the mansion;
I see Toby as pansexual;
Having never had the chance to fall in love with anyone during his life as a "normal" person, Toby is not attracted to any particular gender;
However, he would be interested in having a relationship and/or sexual intercourse with a possible partner;
To be fair, he had a short-lived relationship with Clockwork;
However, Toby has begun to see her not as his girlfriend but as an older sister/mother figure he can confide in;
One of Toby's problems is in fact that of becoming very attached to girls who are extremely protective of him and physically strong;
Precisely because they aren't weak and can defend themselves, Toby loses the instinct to protect them, an instinct he has with a weak partner;
He'll lose all romantic feelings;
I think this happens mostly with women since in his childhood the only positive figures were his mother and Lyra;
At that time he felt he HAD to protect them, however, when he couldn't, he fell into depression;
HIS PERSONALITY
His personality is difficult to define;
Given his Personality Disorder, even Toby no longer knows who the real Toby is;
However, he doesn't care much, he lives in a place (the mansion) where it's better not to show his true self, except to trusted people;
He remains a nervous guy around other men;
It is simply an instinct that he has;
He goes from being aggressive and troublesome to docile and not at all dangerous;
When he is docile, however, he may suddenly break down and become angry;
Even in these moments he NEVER raises his voice;
Sure he could hurt someone physically but never raise his voice;
He is the type who looks at you with cold and impassive eyes or with crazy eyes and without any kind of sanity, all this in silence;
Which is even worse than someone raising their voice because you don't know how far you've gone;
It rarely happens that Toby gets angry with someone in the mansion;
But when it happens the proxies must intervene immediately since it is forbidden to injure/kill visitors of the mansion;
HIS RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE RESIDENTS OF THE MANSION
Toby doesn't really have a social personality, as we've already seen;
He had a hard time getting used to the constant coming and going of murderers, ghosts and demons inside the mansion;
At first he avoided EVERYONE;
When he has become accustomed to all those new people he will continue not to talk to them;
Toby made friends anyway;
I see him getting along very well with Ben, Nina, Jane and EJ;
He get along with Ben and EJ as they are the quietest in the mansion;
(Ben offers Toby the weed to keep him from hearing the voices);
Toby gets along well with Jane and Nina because they have been very kind to him (Jane only drinks when Toby is not around);
He hates Jeff because he drinks a lot;
Furthermore, Jeff, when he's drunk, doesn't stay in his room but wanders around the mansion looking for someone to take the piss out of;
We can understand that Toby still doesn't like alcohol and heavy drinkers;
He avoids Kagekao and Liu/Sully, however he tolerates them more than Jeff since they don't drink until they get drunk;
THINGS HE LIKES
To be alone: given his personality it's obvious that, even if he has some friends, he much prefers to spend time with himself and the voices;
Stargazing: observing the stars calms him, seeing the many white lights in the ink black sky gives him serenity. He doesn't mind doing it in company, sometimes he invites Ben to the roof and together they smoke weed in silence;
Smoking weed: he never did it as a teenager because he didn't have the time or the money but when he became friends with Ben he tried it... and he liked it! He finally manages not to hear the voices;
Listen to music: banal but understandable. Toby never had much free time in his childhood to have hobbies but I think he would have liked to play the electric guitar or bass. Unfortunately, he would not have been able to play either instrument given his frequent tics, especially under pressure. He listens mostly to songs with electric guitar solos;
Long walks: Toby walks in the woods alone a lot for the same reason he stargazes. He enjoys observing nature around him so much! He can also collect small treasures such as stones, leaves, flowers and much more;
Piercings: one little hcs I have for Toby is the presence of piercings! I think he likes them a lot because he feels valued with them, Toby is a little bit insecure about his appearance but with piercings he looks very cool! He has snakebites and an eyebrow piercing;
THINGS HE HATES
Alcohol: as I have said a thousand times Toby has alcohol-related traumas. He hates the smell, its effects, its taste and the people who drink A LOT of it;
Cars: when the car accident happened Toby got that big wound and lost Lyra. This was a lot for him in just one day. Furthermore, after his father's missing presence at the hospital even after hearing about the accident, it made Toby realize how little that man cared about them;
Bullies: he OBVIOUSLY hates bullies. He knows what it feels like to be bullied, especially he hates people who say "oh, well, someone make the bullying come back, please.". That's a big no for Toby, and if he hears someone say that, they should be prepare to be dead or something;
Toxic People: he hates these kinds of people with all his heart. Why does one person have to ruin another just for his own entertainment? what is the meaning of this? (I don't think Toby realizes that, through his 'job', he actually ruins people's lives. As already mentioned, the voices muffle his sensible and human thoughts);
Loud noises: I think Toby prefers silence to noise. He doesn't really know what silence is. Most of the time, although there are no outside noises, Toby only hears the voices that keep whispering things to him, sometimes giggling and other times even screaming, consequently noises outside of the voices worsen his headaches;
I consider Toby a really controversial character but, somehow, very fun to describe and write about ^^
I hope these general hcs for Toby fulfilled the request :D
♡
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