#Posts made while drinking my 10 pm coffee

[mochimellowd]

Finished up Cyberpunk with the Devil ending (specifically rejecting the contract) and was saddened by the fact that there was no Takemura call to be found. I had hoped even after the rocky departure he would have called V one last time.

By this point in the game, Goro understands V's position, (in particular my V having regarded him with respect and familiarity up until refusing to sign) and clearly there is a sizable crack in his worldview, but as evidenced by the "you know I cannot do that" there are still obligations in japan. This is still something he has to do. V has made him question his worldview, and thanks them. He doesn't say that unless you try and convince him one last time. He thanks you for the perspective, for caring.

He doesn't leave a voicemail, as mentioned, I started digging. I thought that it would have been a perfect opportunity, lo and behold there is one. Unused. Can't figure out why, but it confirms that Goro is still under Arasaka's wing. True to his word, even after seeing that they had failed to give V their full life back, he stays. He wants V safe, and to be able to choose how they live. I read it as Takemura wanting the one thing for V that he cannot bring himself to choose. Freedom.

But even though it gives us a sort of closure on Goro, why was it not used? Every other ending storming Arasaka gives you a call from him, but it is bitter. It is basically "you have destroyed my life's purpose, I'm not putting this poetically before I go I need you to know I hope you rot in hell you whore." Pretty sour.

I choose to believe that the omission of the voicemail leaves his future ambiguous. Leaves it hopeful. The most likely option is that he is transferred and kept by Arasaka until he dies or is no longer of use, but there is hope. There is no definitive conclusion for him in this end. It elaborates and then leaves the player to think about it. But the DLC changes things. I choose to think that one of the endings granted by the DLC elaborate more on the hopeful side.

Note: I haven't played the DLC for Cyberpunk, the full ramifications for this is not yet known to me, maybe I will follow up at a different time if I do end up getting the DLC. If it changes how I view anything.

The DLC, Phantom Liberty, can leave you off with an ending that grants you with, from a character perspective, a step beyond the Arasaka ending. It's tonally more middle of the road in sweet and bitter but it's intended as such. V is able to be contacted by Takemura, who tells V that he and Hanako had stormed Arasaka (as in the devil end, just without V.) and it had gone wrong. He takes on, ironically enough, the same status as V. Hiding from Arasaka, failing his task, losing what he had in an attempt to regain that honor he lives by. He tells V that they are a bitter medicine. Good for you, but bitter nonetheless. To get this you have to be at least close with him. V has impacted his life. His worldview is similarly changed by V's presence, this DLC coming after the removal of the initial Devil end call imply that there is hope for Goro Takemura, and this ending confirms it. He doesn't see himself as Arasaka any longer, but fights with himself about it, no doubt thinking what if he were still a lapdog. If he was still blindly obedient. I feel like V can act as a more healing presence in Goro's life going forward, if they so choose. This is the best ending character wise for his arc. There is damage control to do, there is bitterness to work through, medicine to take, time to heal, all now that he has no choice but to look at it for what it is.

This is how I see it:

V's involvement and support, ironically enough, was the thing that would make or break his loyalty to Arasaka. Their assistance in the raid allows him to convince himself he is doing something right. There is something to believe in. There is still honor to be regained. But without V, everything kept from him comes to light and he has no one with him. Without V they fail, and he is forced to hide again, forced to face the reality from the outside that Arasaka is without honor. No Hanako to get back on Arasaka's good graces, just the streets that V walks. That bitter medicine adjusts his worldview. He is implied to act on it. Failure was necessary to heal.

[aloesarchives]

Domestic Headcanons W/ Toji, Megumi, Tsumiki, and Mama!Reader

TW/Warnings: Profanity, Domesticity, AFAB/Female Reader, Family life, Pregnancy, Mention of Sperm but not sexual, unhinged crack, too long(LMK if anything else needs to be tagged)

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

Pronouns: She/Her (Usage of Mama, Wife, Mom, Mother)

Word Count: 10k words

This headcanon is paired with this one right here. This can be stand alone for general/modern au. But this one mostly revolves around my Toji Lives AU.

Also, I'll be posting either my Toji/Megumi/Reader mini series or Suguru/Satoru/Reader series this week. Here's the form if you wanted to be tagged in my works. Please let me know if something's up with it.

[!!Edited and Proofread! 3/27/2024 11:48 pm CST!!]

The married life with Toji isn’t any different from prior to marriage. You two live in a fairly spacious apartment for Tokyo Standards and well furnished on top of that. 

The basic routine of you and Toji as followed: Toji wakes up and gets ready in 10 minutes, gets the coffee going or anything you drink/eat for breakfast, you wake and get ready for work, you and Toji eat breakfast together for a bit, Toji gives you your work bag and lunch, gives you a kiss and sends you out the door on time, cleans the dishes and table once you leave, looks to see if there’s anything you’re low on or out of and makes a list for it, Toji does some house chores before leaving to go run errands, goes to run said errands and buy some groceries, comes home starts meal prepping, you come home as soon as he’s finished cooking, both of you eat together, then chilling on the couch together after cleaning up, Toji forces you to go to bed, does your nightly care routine with you while brushing your teeth, then pulls you into bed where both of you are knocked out instantly.

House Husband Toji and Working Wife (Y/N) dynamic, I don’t make the damn rules. Well it makes sense as you have a sustainable and consistent job that pays comfortably for minimal work. Honestly, Toji doesn’t mind it at all but you both established your roles in the relationship but help out whenever possible. In fact, he loves being a stay-at-home husband. He gets to do his hobbies and chores without distraction, having a piece of mind, cooking food with you, etc. Highkey loves being domesticated.

While yes, he does get an occasional high paying job/bounty from Shui, they happen a couple times a month. But even then it’s few and far in between. You don’t mind working, your job pays you enough to not take any overtime and you never work the weekends. Plus you get a raise and bonus once in a while so you’re not scrambling to find a second job. Also, it’s worth it since Toji takes care of your shared apartment and you. 

Both of you are financially stable to the point of comfort. Like only paying utilities because you and Toji own the apartment. Not having to worry about buying food or paying on time. Not taking up extra hours or shifts to just live. It’s a comfortable and stress-free environment you and Toji have created for yourselves.

Doesn’t understand the fuss about men not being stay at home material and it’s a woman’s job. He just thinks those guys can’t take care of themselves and will force someone to baby them under the guise of tRadItIonAlIsm or some bullshit. He understands if both have their jobs and work to split the house chores. It’s not a luxury everyone has and he knows he’s in the small percentage of people who get to stay home while their spouse works. If it works in the relationship, it works, Toji says. It might not work for some people but you working and Toji staying home works for your relationship. If not, it has made it healthy because there aren’t severe or frustrating arguments about house chores, errand runs, cooking, maintenance, home management. 

You do anything in order to help out Toji because that’s your home too. Therefore, your living space you share and it’s your responsibility to at least take care of it. After work, you text Toji if there is anything you need to pick up or do for him while you’re out. 75% of the time he says there’s nothing you have to do, but the 25% is Toji asking you to pick up the dry cleaners, some food items he forgot to get while out, check if there’s a sale going on, or buying detergent and stain remover. Also text with a:

‘Doll, can you actually grab a few things from the supermarket? I’ll send the list to you.’

‘Hon, would you be able to pick up my jacket from the dry cleaners? Thank you’

When you say yes or of course, he’s hitting you with the:

‘Thank you, Sweet Girl. I appreciate all you do.’

‘Stay safe, (Y/N). Call me if anything happens. Love you, Baby’

Talks about buying a house and having a family happen a lot more frequently since the two of you got married. You always wanted to have a family of your own but wanted to wait for a good man to be a good father because you can choose a husband but your children can’t choose their father. But you knew Toji would step up when it happened. Toji didn’t think too far into his future but he knows he wants to have a family with you and grow old together. You changed his mind that he was okay with having a family and doing all that it takes to be a loving father and husband. As if he doesn’t do that already. 

That and you two talked about how your genetics would make the most beautiful and good looking babies. Toji would say he wants your kids to have your smile and personality while you told him you want them to have his eyes and nose. This is one of those late night talks you have with him that you absolutely love. 

You have an ungodly amount of money saved up to pay the house off in full or less than two years. You decided on one where it was a mix of modern and traditional. It was within walking distance of multiple subway and train stations while not being near the busy parts of the city. It’s in a more quiet suburb with good schools and nature. It’s a big home with the exterior of a traditional home but the interior is a little more modern. The main building is two stories and is the actual house, the building connecting to it is for guests, training/workout room/and a meeting room. The walls that surround the property are tall and sturdy. It looks like a mansion but feels more homey as you two start to make it your own.

So when you tell Toji you’re ready to have a baby, the man goes all in. Trying to watch your cycle and listens to the doctor in increasing his chances of getting you pregnant. Man looks up recipes that increase your fertility rate and balance out your hormones. Thinks about checking his sperm count but you declined saying Toji hasn’t done anything to decrease his numbers.

He definitely got good aim because it didn’t take long to get pregnant. After like 2-3 months of trying, it happened. You missed your period by a week and you decided to get a pregnancy test. You got the double lines and were excited to show Toji. He went to drop off your jacket to get it fixed and came home to find you sitting at the table with a napkin. You tell him to sit and he complies with a bit of concern. You gesture to the napkin and he picks up to see the positive text in front of him. He asks are you for real and you just nod. He pulls you into his laps and holds you while saying thank you and I’m going to be a dad.

Becomes protective of you instantly. Having morning sickness? He gets you a towel and some medicine. Sensitive to certain foods or smells? He will change them to your liking. Need him to do something for you? He’s already a flight of stairs ahead of you. He doesn’t want to stress you and the baby out so he’s doing everything. 

As trimesters progress, the more protective and conscious he comes. Once you start showing, say goodbye to carrying items, doing some household chores, running errands, or fucking walking because this man will NOT let you do them. Is at your beck and call for anything and will become scary if people give you a hard time or look at you funny. Toji told you if your boss gives you a hard time, call him and he’ll talk to your boss with no fear or hesitation whatsoever. Once almost killed a man because he accidentally bumped into you. Toji had this look of death in his eyes as he grabbed the guy by the collar and forced him to apologize to you. Make sure the guy actually apologizes too. Walking? Who is she? You are only walking a couple of feet before he says ‘nah’ and picks you up to carry you. You tell him you can walk but it falls on deaf ears. Then you get concerned about being heavy for Toji. The man has never been more offended in his life. He looks at you, dead in the eyes, and says: “What kind of husband am I for not being able to comfortably carry my beautiful and pretty pregnant wife? If I can’t carry you, I need you to kill me, (Y/N).” You just get used to him carrying you around.

Always find a seat for you on a bus or the train. Will scare a guy who isn’t tired from work to give you the seat. Always hold your hand during the rides.

Talk to your bump every night. Hands on your stomach, face unbearably close to it, kneels on the floor or lies in bed to talk to it as you run your fingers through his hair. He’ll say some things that make you laugh but he mostly say sweet and warm things to your baby as he just wants to love and protect them. Definitely says:

“You know your mama is the prettiest and most beautiful woman out there? You’re so lucky to have her because you will be unconditionally loved and cared for. How do I know this? Because your mama loves me too, Kiddo.”

“Hey, be nice to mama. She’s not having the best time so I need you to go easy on her. Please, little one.”

“Hi, this is your old man speaking to you. I don’t care whether you’re a boy or girl. I will always love you no matter what. I wanna meet you soon.”

Does the thing where he lifts up your bumps to alleviate some of the weight for a bit and smiles when you relax into him.

When he touches your bump and feels a kick, he is so happy that his head is glued to your bump so he can feel it. 

Buys your cravings whenever and whatever it is. It could be late at night and you’re asking him to get you your egregious food combo. He doesn’t understand your cravings but will not complain to you until it’s a straight up abomination. THEN, he just cooks you anything you want because he’s lowkey scared about your cravings affecting your health.

Daily/Hourly reminders of how beautiful and gorgeous you are. Body worshiping and praising, especially since you are carrying his child. The amount of reassurance and sincerity that comes from his words makes you cry a lot, and it’s not because of your hormones. He’s so sweet and loving with his words towards you, it makes you fall in love with him all over again.

Goes to every appointment with you and never fucking misses one. Actually, he is the one to remind you about them. Has this soft look in his eyes as he looks at the ultrasound seeing your baby. Asks for at least two copies so he can frame one of them and hang it somewhere in the house.

Doesn’t care if it’s a boy or girl, as long it’s half of you that’s all that matters.

You always tell him your love and appreciation for all that he has done for you and the baby since he has a tendency to push himself a lot more than he has to. A kiss and a hug will do the trick because he goes all soft for you every time. It’s amusing to you how your huge, seemingly intimidating, husband can become a warm melted putty at the snap of your fingers. But then again, you have him wrapped around your finger completely.

Grows more cautious and protected once you go on maternity leave in your final months of the final trimester. Constantly asking how you are feeling that day or hour, grabs everything within arms reach if there is anything you need or could get you, if you need help with everything in general. It’s not the point of overbearing or suffocating, it gets a bit annoying but you know Toji means well. You assume he’s concerned and worried for you and the baby because he is afraid you will have complications during the birth. It’s terrifying to him to know there’s a slight chance you could die while giving birth to your baby and he couldn’t do anything to help you.

So when you DO go into labor, man’s is a bit scared but also prepared with your bag ready in hand. Drives you to the hospital, checks you in, and makes you feel comfortable while giving birth.

Is holding your hand during the whole thing while wiping away the sweat off your forehead and face.

Says encouraging and calming words to keep you focused and at ease. Guides you through deep breaths and keeps you grounded:

“Take a deep breath for me, Honey.”

“You’re doing so good, Mama. So amazing.”

“I’m here with you, Sweet Girl. Keep squeezing my hand. Trust me, it doesn’t hurt. Hold onto me, (Y/N).”

Sheds a few tears when your daughter comes out and starts crying. Kisses your cheek and forehead while praising you for doing a phenomenal job.

Cuts the cord while you’re coming down from your intense birthing process.

Lets you sleep and relax while he cuddles and holds your daughter with his shirt off for skinship.

Once you wake up, he buys you any food you want since you’re not pregnant anymore. Spoon feeds you while saying you did a wonderful job and asking how you feel.

Once you hold your daughter, he’s over the moon. You look so perfect and ethereal the man thanks the gods for blessing him with you as his wife and your daughter, the proof of your love.

Lets you name her since she is a girl and the first-born. You name her Tsumiki because it’s a cute name for a pretty girl. She gets most of her traits from you besides her hair texture. Toji comments that a pretty girl deserves a pretty name because she was birthed by an elegant and demure woman. You chuckle at him and his sappiness but it brings you a certain type of happiness that Toji was expressing this side of himself more comfortably.

Once discharged, gets the car to bring you and your daughter to your new home where she’ll and her sibling(s) grow up.

Lets you have your bonding time with Tsumiki while you’re on your six months maternity leave. He lives to see you hold and carry your daughter around the house.

Takes care of everything in the house and helps you out during your postpartum. Reminds you of your beauty, that he still loves you and your body, how grateful he is for everything you’ve done for giving him this life.

Gets the hang of parenting faster than you did. Toji already knows how to burp, change, feed, and bathe your daughter.

Lets you sleep and rest more when Tsumiki cries at night by getting up to calm her down himself. Ends up sleeping in the rocking chair with her on his chest.

Tries to play and entertain her as much as he can. Toji is more of a stuffed animal guy than dolls because they’re more inclusive and genderless. But he will buy dolls for Tsumiki when she asks for them once she's old enough.

Tears up when she takes her first steps as she tries to walk towards both of you.

Her first words were Papa for sure but then Mama two weeks later. 

Tsumiki is a fairly calm and happy baby. Moves around but isn’t super hyper and energetic. Very smiley and giggly baby that brights up the room she’s in. Always puts you and Toji in a good mood.

Toji is the type of guy to wait for you to give him the green light for another child. Even though the doctor says you’ve made a good recovery, he ain’t pouncing on you until you tell him so. Your doctor asked if she needed to write a note that you weren’t ready for another baby for some time but you told her you’ll be fine because Toji isn’t THAT TYPE OF GUY. On top of respecting you and your body, Toji highkey wants to have age gaps with your children. Like at least a year and a half or so they can be close in age and grow up together, but also give time for you and him to adjust to being first-time parents.

It was after Tsumiki’s first birthday that you said you wouldn’t mind having another kid. Then Toji and you tried for another kid. Happened fast per usual with minimal effort once again. Toji’s goo is pretty strong lol.

He was there with you when you took the pregnancy test and it had the fable two lines. Hugs you close and is excited to give Tsumiki another sibling.

Unfortunately, your second pregnancy wasn’t as forgiving as your first. In fact, your second child was pretty brutal on you. You were more sensitive to everything and your symptoms multiplied by three. It was a struggle but you managed to pull through but barely.

Hurts Toji a lot because you’re in a lot of discomfort compared to being pregnant with Tsumiki. Steps up tenfold to help out and make things better for you. 

Tsumiki just plays on the floor in her pen as you watch her while dealing with her younger sibling and Toji's making food in the background.

When you both found out it was a boy after a couple of months, you told Toji he can name the baby this time since you did with your first-born. It threw you off a bit when he said Megumi, a name that means blessing. You talked about names before but this was a new one both of you haven’t brought up yet. Perhaps it was a name Toji wanted but forgot to mention

Man, Megumi was a hard pregnancy. He was an energetic one in your womb. Always makes you lose sleep, loss of appetite, or straight up moody. Toji always talked to Megumi, lowkey begging him to be more gentle on you and not be so rough.

Once Megumi was born, you knew that’s Toji kid because he barely took anything from you. The nose, the eyes, the hair, even his small pout, it was all Toji. Toji was crying once again that your son is born but he takes after his old man. Tsumiki was just happy to see the little baby that is her younger brother.

After Megumi, you and Toji decide that this is ENOUGH children for now. Especially since you have two children under the age of three.

Megumi, however, was an interesting baby. Tsumiki likes being held by both you and Toji, she never picked favorites. Megumi, on the other hand, was attached to you like glue. Technically, all babies are but Megumi never liked being away from you. Megumi was very clingy when it came to you, his mama. You have to hold him or be in his line of sight if you’re not.

Megumi is a certified mama’s boy. He’s all sweet to you, with his gummy smile and bright big eyes as he laughs when you hold.

His first and only words were Mama for a while until he said Papa.

Megumi becomes fussy and cranky if you’re not in the room. He wants you there when he wakes up, to feed him, change him, bathe him, everything. If Toji has to do it, it will take double the time because Megumi is all uncooperative and resistant to his father’s attempts to care for him. It helps if you’re in the room or nearby then Megumi will behave but if that's because he knows you’re there.

Baby Megumi glares at Toji over your shoulder when you’re making his and Tsumiki’s food. Toji glares at his son's back. As he gets older and can walk, Megumi always runs towards you. Place himself on the couch, floor, chair, any surface he can sit on so he is seated next to you. One time, Toji’s head was in your lap as you watched the news in front of you. Megumi was mad because he was supposed to sit next to you. But Toji was faster than him and sat himself where he’s currently positioned. Tsumiki was in front of the couch playing with her stuffed animals on the floor. Megumi decided to grab his doggy plushie and started hitting Toji’s face with it. Toji yelped while you grabbed Megumi and placed him in your lap. Megumi holds onto you while you and your husband exchange shocked looks.

Megumi purposefully and accidentally cock blocks Toji. It’s explained more in this headcanon here.

It’s exhausting to take care of Megumi because he always wants you and never Toji. It kind of sucks because you want Megumi to bond with Toji more as you also don’t want to neglect Tsumiki as well.

Both of you take turns caring for your two kids. It’s so cute to see Megumi bonding with Toji as Megumi smiles a bit more when he’s with his dad. Tsumiki just likes hugging you and so you hold her ever so dearly.

Tsumiki and Megumi never really fight, which you find odd since it’s common for siblings to fight with each other. That’s when you keep observing and notice Tsumiki will let Megumi have his way even though she didn’t have to. Though you appreciate her being an older sibling, you have to remind her she can say no to Megumi if she doesn’t want to. Also reminding her to tell you or Toji if anything happens and not feel scared or ashamed for asking for help. 

But Tsumiki is such a sweet child, she says she doesn’t mind at all when it comes to Megumi. But you brought it up to Toji because you don’t want Megumi to become very spoiled nor do you want Tsumiki to feel it’s okay to disregard her needs. Toji understands your concerns and tries to reassure you that he won’t let that happen as they get older. 

While you were away from work, Megumi snatched Tsumiki’s pillow pet dolphin from her hands and Toji saw all of it. Toji put Megumi in time-out while he comforted Tsumiki. She wasn’t crying but he could tell she would have if he didn’t step in. Toji refrains from yelling and acting out because you told him that’ll strain his relationship with the kids. It’s easier and effective but it has long-term effects that negatively affect the parent-child relationship and the child themselves, something you knew all too well. So Toji is patient with Megumi, telling him it’s not nice to take things that aren’t his, especially when it’s his older sister’s stuff. That he should understand that Tsumiki doesn’t like it when he does and only lets him have them so he wouldn’t get upset. Toji makes Megumi apologize to Tsumiki but Tsumiki already forgave Megumi. 

Toji being patient with his kids is hard and always tests him as a parent. Then he remembers how you told him having a family with him isn’t going to be the easiest thing in the world. But children deserve parents who will love and care for them unconditionally, who will be patient and understanding no matter what, to not make them wish they were someone else in order to please their parents. You didn’t want your children to experience what you did growing up and you believe Toji is someone who will help you make that dream come true. So he continues with his gentle/patient parenting method because he knows it will pay off in the end.

Since you’re going to work most of the day, he’s always the one to take care of them. Toji always takes them to the park or outside so they can run around and be kids. Forces them to go with him to run errands so they can get used to it. Megumi hates this while Tsumiki loves it. After some time, they get used to it and ask Toji to take them on the errand runs. Like going to the local butcher for meat then to the supermarket for everything else. Toji makes this a learning experience for the two by teaching them how to pick and order what they want. He teaches them what each ingredient is and explains why he buys it. Because of this, Megumi and Tsumiki know how to do errands by themselves and get things on the way home from school if Toji texts them to get something. 

Megumi doesn’t admit it but he always follows Tsumiki’s lead. Especially when they start going to the same school together. When Tsumiki gets a fever/cold and can’t go to school, Megumi is a little nervous because he’s going by himself. So Toji had to comfort Megumi that he will be okay and Tsumiki will be proud of him for being able to go by himself.

Tsumiki is a quiet extrovert but Megumi is a raging introvert. Megumi, due to his aloof nature, doesn’t have many friends. You became worried because maybe there was something you weren’t noticing with Megumi. So you went to get Megumi checked out and the doctor ruled it out due to his personality and high intelligence. The doctor says it’s common for some children to prefer their own personal space rather than making friends. Though it does encourage you to have Megumi expose himself to kids around his age so he’s not socially distant.

This is where you and Toji butted heads for a bit. You don’t want to force Megumi into something that he doesn’t want. But Toji wants Megumi to interact with other kids that’s not Tsumiki so he can make friends. Megumi just doesn’t like people who are not his family. That’s the conclusion you both draw in the end.

Jungle gym Toji. Ever since they could crawl, Megumi and Tsumiki have been climbing on Toji like a rock wall. They hang off his arms, hold onto neck, climb onto his back, they’re all over him. Well, Toji is built like a mountain so it feels like they’re climbing Mt. Fuji. Toji isn’t bothered by this at all. In fact, he likes it when his kids are playing with him.

When Toji works out, whether it’s outside in the courtyard or in the workout room, he has the kids nearby playing somewhere. Would definitely ask Megumi and Tsumiki to sit on his back while he does push ups. 

Hides his old weapons in the shed outside the house, he makes the excuse it’s for gardening tools and snow shovels so the kids aren’t curious.

Doesn’t do baby/kiddie talk to his kids. Obviously he’s gentle when he speaks to his kids but he also isn’t going to dumb things down for them. He’ll speak to them like a regular person but has a soft tenderness for children. It’s actually pretty sweet to see it.

The type of man to say to his children, “Isn’t Mama pretty? She is pretty, right?” Saying positive things about you to Megumi and Tsumiki. Then the two will say those lovely words back. You do this with Toji too. Telling the kids “Papa’s strong, right? He’s so cool.” “Papa made us this lovely dinner. Isn’t Papa amazing, you two?” Shit it so cute, I swear.

Speaking of food, Toji makes their lunches. From preschool to high school, he makes Megumi and Tsumiki’s lunches. It’s a challenge as they get older because both have different food preferences but he takes up on it. Just like with your lunch, everyone is in awe and jealous of their food. It’s always something good every time and it always smells good. Yuuji and Nobara ask Megumi if his dad could make them one and the next day Megumi brings two extra bentos for the both of them. Courtesy from Toji himself.

The type of man to make the kids their character bentos and eat the scraps/leftovers. Like the picture where the kid has a cute breakfast while the parent eats the cut out bread and fruit left over.

Family nap time! This is quite common in the Fushiguro household. You come home from work, sometimes earlier than scheduled, to see them laid out on the floor with a blanket underneath them. Sometimes, if the weather is enjoyable, they would nap outside. Toji is holding both kids in his burly arms while Tsumiki and Megumi hold each other’s hands.  It’s so adorable that you have multiple pictures saved in an album in the house. You would join them as well. A family napping pile.

Speaking of which, you have many albums from over the years as a family. Up until the present day, you have so many pictures of your children and your husband having their little family moments. Some wholesome, some embarrassing, others are cool photos or stolen shots. I don’t know if this fits Toji but I’m projecting here: he’ll have photos of your family throughout the years on the walls and tables of your home. But mainly, the ones he loves the most are the portraits of the family. They’re five of them. The first one is of you and Toji, the second one is you two with baby Tsumiki, the third is you holding baby Megumi as Tsumiki is standing with Toji, the fourth is the four of you with the kids who are six and seven, then the fifth one is taken from present day where the kids are teenagers while you and Toji haven’t aged at all. All of them have you wearing formal wear/Kimonos. He gets these personally commissioned and they’re 17 inches(43.18 cm) by 14 inches(35.56 cm), which is fairly large. 

Since you work 6 hours of the day, Toji always takes the kids to and from school. It’s not a problem for him nor the kids as they know you are working and making mula for them. The problem is, a lot of parents believe he’s a single dad. More so, the moms of the other students. Toji wears his wedding band on his LEFT FINGER that’s SHINING when the sun hits it and people still couldn’t take a hint. As he picks up the kiddos, a lot of moms go up to talk to him to pass time. He knows most of them are trying to flirt with him, very few only genuinely talk to him. Toji doesn’t play games when it comes to his status and is very blunt if the woman can’t get the message.

“I have a wife.”

“I’m married.”

“The love of my life and the mother of my children is working right now.”

Bro, some of these moms are jumping hurdles just to get a chance with Toji. Toji would keep on flashing his wedding band and they are fucking delusional to think they still got a shot. Someone thought he was a widower even though you were ALIVE AND WELL. Toji felt his eyes twitch as he scowled at the accusation. Toji legit wanted to push her but can’t because he’s a big guy and all. ‘Fuck, I can’t put my hands on a woman. I’ll have (Y/N) do it instead.’ Toji tells you about this and he is more mad than you are about it, which you don’t blame him for. On Friday afternoon, school’s out and the parents are picking up the kids. Tsumiki waits for Megumi outside his classroom door as they always walk out together to get picked up by Toji. As they walked out, they were surprised to see you with Toji in your work clothes. They went into a full on sprint in your direction and you crouched down to hug them both. After giving each other a good squeeze, they hugged Toji. The look on the woman’s face when she saw you was priceless. Tsumiki was hugging Toji while Megumi was reaching for you and you took him in your arms. You turn around and feign a friendly smile her way with such an elegant but dominant introduction. 

“Oh hi! I’m (Y/N). You never saw me here since I work as a (occupation). Toji takes care of the kids when I’m away working. But I come every now and then when I get off early. Thanks for keeping my husband company! Though, you shouldn’t press on a married man when he refuses your advances. I mean, it’s not like his wife and the mother of his children has resources when most of the population doesn't. So, try to refrain yourself from stepping into the deep end, Dear. It was nice knowing you!”

Toji thought that was hot af. Tsumiki was hugging Toji’s neck because she was tired while Megumi glared at the woman. After that, no woman ever approached Toji after that.

 FAMILY OUTINGS!!! Ugh, you always have one every weekend with your family. The favorites are the zoo and the park. Megumi on Toji’s shoulders while Tsumiki holds both you and Toji’s hands, she swings in-between the two of you. You go to all the exhibits your children want to go to. Tsumiki likes the marine enclosures while Megumi prefers more of the forest and savanna ones. You never could forget the way your son slightly bounces on his dad’s shoulders when he sees an elephant. He lets out a gasp of awe while calling out to you, “Mama mama, look! Look at the elephant!” “I can see it, Baby. You like elephants, Gumi?” “Yeah!” “What about you, Tsumiki-dear?” “I think they’re cool, Mama.” Toji tries to feed the animals but the animals are so scared of him like he is the most dangerous one which is true. This also goes for festivals as well, wandering the stalls and food stands. Toji winning every game you stop by and getting prizes his kids want, if his kids want it he’ll get it. The whole day is fun but exhausting once you come home. Toji carries the kids home along with the family bag. The kids are knocked out and easy to tuck in  as you and Toji decompress.

As the kids get older and mature, it’s easier to go places like Kyoto. Megumi and Tsumiki are more of exploring and sight-seeing individuals, which makes it easy on you and Toji so you don’t have to spend a lot of money to do those extravagant things. They just want to experience the surroundings and life without sticking out too much. They like the trips when you all stay at a Ryokan Onsen, it’s relaxing. Especially for Megumi since he’s away from Gojo, Itadori, and Kugisaki. He loves his teacher and classmates but they can be a handful to deal with. Once they get older, they have school and you and Megumi have missions so these family outings happen less. But if everyone’s home, you four go out and do whatever depending on the weather. Spring and early summer are good times of the year because the cherry blossoms are in bloom and the weather is pleasant. You usually go out and have a picnic when the trees are blossoming. It’s simple but sweet to get together so your kids will have some memories they can look back on fondly.

There is this scenario that I can’t stop thinking about but it’s Toji coded: After a day of family bonding, Toji is standing in the train while you and your kids are sitting. It was full but not crowded. During one of the stops, Tsumiki ends up giving her seat to a pregnant woman who’s around her late stages of the 2nd trimester. Toji pets her head as she stands next to him, holding onto his pants as you send a sweet approving smile her way. She sends one back as she grips onto Toji to steady herself. Megumi is in our lap, completely gone into the world of dream as he clutches closer to you. The stop before the one you all get off, Tsumiki helps the pregnant lady up and walk her towards the door. The lovely lady thanks her, gives her a piece of paper to her family bakery which your family become regulars later on, before waving at her and you two. Mouthing ‘You have a wonderful daughter.' You and Toji glance at each other and smile. As your stop approaches, Tsumiki asks Toji if she can carry Megumi. He asks why and she replies, “Because Mama’s tired and I can carry Megumi for her.” Toji glances down at you and see the droopiness as they flutter to keep themselves open. He crouches down, pets Tsumiki on the head, saying she is a kind and sweet kid but he will take care of it. He asks her to give him your bag while he exchanges it for his jacket. Tsumiki places his jacket around you and Toji tells her to get into your lap. She does and you wrap your free arm around her. The next thing she knows, he’s carrying you in both of his arms while you hold your children. Once the train doors open, the incoming passengers are met with a towering man holding his sleeping wife and kids in his arms. They part to make way for him and he WALKS the whole way home. His arms never tired or aching. Tsumiki smiles up at him and comments how cool and strong he is, “You’re always strong and cool, Papa.” He just chuckles in his whole deep, simp-worthy, DILF voice before crouching down to let her stand since she grabbed the house keys. She unlocks the door and holds it open for him. They take off their shoes as Toji places you and Megumi on the couch while Tsumiki gets her Sanrio blanket to place it over you and her brother. You wake up an hour later to Toji cooking dinner as Tsumiki uses her color pencils on her coloring book. You wake up Megumi and have dinner together as a family.

Has no problem carrying you and his children in his arms. Like he can carry a 8 year old Tsumiki and a 7 year old Megumi like it’s nothing. He can carry you, Tsumiki and Megumi around without getting tired. You do the trend where Toji is holding you, Megumi and Tsumiki as kids then you retake the same picture but when the two are in their late teens. The point of those pictures were meant to show Toji is still strong; if not, stronger after becoming a father. If the kids fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie, he’s carrying them to their beds. They did their homework late at night on the kitchen table and are too tired to go to their rooms, he will take them to their beds no problem. You fell asleep on the couch because you came home extremely late from work or a mission. Toji is getting you to bed with him using his oversized shirt as your PJs. When Megumi, Yuuji and Nobara are out cold from their sleepover, Toji covers them with a huge blanket and gives them each a pillow.

I discuss this a little bit in this but I’ll expand upon it here. Megumi and Tsumiki are way less traumatized. Megumi has sass and is aloof but that’s his personality. The reality is, Megumi isn’t as withdrawn or quick to make assumptions about people. He seems reserved but his walls aren’t thick or tall. He’s not going to summon Mahoraga in every death situation but just sometimes uses it as a last resort because he hasn't pushed himself to his limits. It’s more of the lack of knowledge behind his technique since you and Toji can only know so much. Plus you and Toji, specifically Toji, aren’t letting the Zen’in clan be near your children. Tsumiki also isn’t inclined to act more mature and take on adult responsibilities. She is allowed to be a kid and have a childhood, same goes with Megumi. Plus, the two are raised in a loving household. Is it a traditional one? Nope, not in the slightest. Their mom works while their dad stays at home. But it's a functional, healthy, content family. You and Toji have tried to set good examples for your children on love, relationships, and the process of communicating. There are some pitfalls every now and then. Yet Megumi and Tsumiki have seen honesty, patiences, and openness when you and Toji talk things out. 

Plus they know the rule you and Toji have: never fight in front of the kids. Matters between you and your husbands are between you two only. You never wanted to drag your children into the argument themselves. Obviously, when they are younger, you have to explain to them that you and Toji weren’t on the same page and are mad at each other. As they get older, you explain what the argument/conversation was about transparently. Megumi and Tsumiki also notice how after you and Toji clear up things the both of you never made snide remarks about each other in the slightest. This helps the kids out a lot because they never felt like walking on eggshells. That’s why Tsumiki and Megumi never really worried about you and Toji splitting over bad blood. They know you and Toji aren’t going to stay stubborn for long and make up no matter the circumstances. But there was an argument that both of them never can forget. They didn’t witness it themselves but they knew it was the worst argument you both had, and this happened when Tsumiki and Megumi were TEENAGERS. It lasted for a WHOLE DAY, the longest you two have been in the waters of the aftermath. The two of them wanted to say something but they knew better when you and Toji told them to not involve your affairs. It was worrying them to the point Megumi asked Tsumiki if this would create a rift. However, being the older sister she is, says the both of you will work through it. And she was right when the two of them came home to see you and Toji on the engawa wrapped up in each other’s arms with a blanket over you both.

Tsumiki loves the flowers and plants in your garden beyond the courtyard. When you take her outside and show her the pretty flowers and plants, she has this sparkle in her eyes as you touch and hold the flowers up to her. As she gets older, she spends most of her time in the garden as you are sitting under the tree with your blanket keeping the dirt away from you. When you mentioned to Toji the garden would look better if there were more plant diversity, the man is handing you a list of your favorite plants and flowers you want. The next few days to weeks, the plants you wanted are already in your garden and blending in well with your home. He is also doing this legally, and doesn't want to be a bio-terrorist by accident.

Toji does this with Tsumiki too. She had this book about flowers from her school’s library and told him that those flowers were pretty and nice. She kept drawing them, saying they would look good in the garden. The next week, there was a bush of them in her favorite spot. Your garden becomes the Garden of Eden with the amount of plant life you and Tsumiki bring in. You do basic gardening but Tsumiki and Toji have the green thumbs in the family. They’re the ones doing maintenance on the garden. Mostly Toji since Tsumiki goes to school and isn’t always home. 

Toji does all the planting, replotting, mulching, everything a garden needs. The type to cut the hedges into a perfect shape because it fills his ego and makes him productive. Like one time, Megumi brings over Yuuji and Nobara to hangout and they see Toji cutting the hedges into a cool dragon. Toji wipes the sweat off his forehead to see the fruits of his labor, smirking to himself saying, “I’m so fucking good at this. I’m literally the best.”

Megumi lets his Shikigami out into the garden because they like to hang out outside. The only ones allowed in the house are his divine dogs because Toji doesn't want to see a huge owl or elephant in the living room.

Come to think of it, you and Tsumiki are the main ones who decide what goes in and out of the house. The flowers and the garden were just an example. Furniture, appliances, the color of the blinds and curtains, the interior and exterior, hell everything at this point. If you and Tsumiki made a comment about the appearance of something and it started with the words if, what, wonder, he’s already pulling the catalog for ideas. It’s mostly curiosity but if both you and Tsumiki bring it up, he’s changing it to your liking. Megumi never understands this because he’s the “it is what it is” or “I’m fine with it.” Megumi would be visiting home from school and sees Toji rearranging some of the furniture or building something from scratch in the backyard and he doesn’t question it.

Speaking of which, besides the appliances/photos/silverware/complicated items, almost everything in the house is made by him or customized by him. Tsumiki and Megumi’s rooms? Toji made them into their liking. The main bedroom? All Toji’s work. Not one spot in this house hasn’t been adjusted or changed by Toji. That’s why you credited your house to being the perfect home, all because of Toji. You always remind him that his work is much appreciated around this house. He’ll just smirk but you can see the way his ears fade into a pink rose color. He loves it when you say stuff like that to him. IF the kids say it to him, his grin is stuck on his face for a whole 24 hours.

THE HANGOUT HOUSE! You know how there’s always that one friend where almost every hangout occurs at their home? That’s Megumi, it’s literally him. Technically since Yuuji permanently lives in the dorms and Kugisaki used to live in the countryside, Megumi is the only person in the trio to have an official home. They pass by it a lot when they go exploring or hanging out. Megumi never said anything but the two notice how he stares at it for some time. Then some shenanigans happen and they had to take cover in Megumi’s home. Mind you, Yuuji and Nobara were looking at Megumi like he committed a war crime when he b-lined to the house. And they know it’s a nice house. They were yelling at Megumi saying they were trespassing and they’ll be in some deep shit if they get caught. But Megumi yells at them to trust him as he opens one of the doors. Then Yuuji and Nobara start begging him to not get them killed because they finally see that the home is a literal MANSION. They think they’re cooked by whomever lives here. But from Megumi’s reaction, they’re wondering if Megumi knows the person that lives here. Then when they go inside the actual home, they slide off their shoes and walk to what’s the common area of the house(kitchen/living room). Then Yuuji notices one of the photos and sees kid Megumi and three other people. Nobara shoves herself to see it and they both turn around to Megumi grabbing a pitcher of some sort of drink out of the fridge. “YOU LIVE HERE, FUSHIGURO!?!?” “Oi, not so loud! My sister isn’t home yet but my parents are so quiet.” They don’t meet Toji here but later on because he was doing something with Shui. But you pop in and the students instantly recognize you. You force Megumi to show them around the house and they are in absolute awe. The moment they see his cool ass room, this house is their default hangout spot.

Sleepovers happen often, Megumi doesn’t want them to but you insist since he could just use one of the bigger guest bedrooms or his own room if he wanted. They stay up watching movies, shows, or watching youtube videos or documentaries just because. They do the laughing challenge to see if Megumi actually laughs. He does but fewer far in between. 

Toji embarrasses the hell out of Megumi. You don’t purposefully but by accident. Yuuji and Nobara would see Toji going into the kitchen to get a glass of water, see the color drain from Megumi’s face, then ask Toji about anything relating to Megumi. Then Toji spills the TEA on Megumi, it’s so funny. If Megumi won’t spill then his dad definitely would. Megumi’s face becomes like a tomato when anything about him comes out of his dad’s mouth.

Your house is stocked up on everything. There’s nothing in this house you wouldn’t have. Nobara needed some period products and you literally gave her a basket full of them. If she needs something else, you run to the store to get it for her. Yuuji forgot his toothpaste? You gave him a new tube and another one for his dorm. You tell them to ask you or Toji for anything if they need it. Nobara and Yuuji ask you to adopt them.

After a certain point, they just come over and ask for you instead of Megumi. He gets so annoyed and mad at them for it.

But you always insist on sleepover because Megumi finally has friends that he can call his own. It makes you happy he surrounds himself with good people and Toji agrees.

They know Megumi is balling in money which he always denies. But Yuuji brings up that Megumi has a Gameboy, Gameboy color, a DS lite, 3DS XL, a Switch OLED in his room. They’re all blue with every Pokémon game to have ever been released. He’s not beating the rich allegations.

Megumi is so irritated with Toji, it’s absolutely hilarious. I said it before and I’ll say it again: once Megumi is high school age, he’s an angsty teenager. Dude just gets so annoyed at his dad for existing, he only imagines it’s just you, him, and Tsumiki only. Toji asks him to do something, will do it but will grumble under his breath about it. But if you or Tsumiki ask him to do something, he has no attitude. Megumi is more softer with his sister and you but his dad? Nah, if he inherits everything from his dad, he’ll use them to his disposal against his Pops. He and Toji butt heads a lot but it’s never serious. Tsumiki sometimes wants to stop it but you tell her it’s a father son bonding thing.

Megumi inherited Toji’s grumpiness. Actually Megumi inherited a lot of things from Toji but he doesn’t want to admit it. Physically, Megumi is a mini version of Toji. Personality-wise, fairly similar. It’s just his hair curls up a bit but you believe it’s a recessive gene from a distant relative that decided to come out in a rare time.

Never tell Megumi he looks and acts like his dad. It will temporarily ruin his mood for like an hour or so. He legit got so mad. Put a side by side picture of the two and show it to him and he’ll walk away. If he’s compared to his mom? The saintess who does no wrong? Hell yeah he’ll take up the compliment. But his old man? He has his own personal beef with that. It’s when you or Tsumiki tell him he’s like Toji because you’re his family and know his antics better than anyone. But if it was someone like Gojo-sensei? He’s throwing a roast back. “Man, Megumi-kun. You’re just like old man Toji, grumpy and full of attitude.” “And that’s the same old man who was able to beat you and lived. I don’t wanna hear anything from you, Gojo-sensei.” Gojo cried to you about why your son was so mean to him while Suguru was absolutely done with him.

Tsumiki took a picture of Megumi when his hair was still damp from a shower, he looked so much like Toji. She showed you the picture and you asked her to send it to you. She shows Toji and Toji smirks to himself, knowing he’ll dangle that over Megumi’s head for as long as he lives. Toji gets his and Megumi’s side by side comparison framed in the house lol.

Sometimes Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko babysit younger Megumi and Tsumiki when you and Toji are busy. Tsumiki loves them, tolerating Satoru at best. But Megumi is irked by Satoru’s presence and only hangs out with Shoko and Suguru. Hates Gojo’s constant teasing but from pure annoyance. He and Tsumiki grow up with them and that’s why both of them know the three long before anyone else did.

Megumi gets irritated during Middle and High School because his parents are HOT. He remembers when his classmates from middle school would ask who’s the woman waving at him/man that grins his directions. Megumi grimaces and says “That’s my mom/dad.” Then his peers would start gushing about how gorgeous and demure you are/handsome and attractive Toji is. He wants them to shut up about it. If it’s only one of you, some of his peers would say, “Can your mom/dad fight?” Megumi wanted to punch them so badly, but refrains himself because he doesn’t want to waste his punches on a rando. It doesn’t help when he goes to the same school as Tsumiki, it’s the same THING. He knows people gush about him but he could care less. It just irritates him to no end when others do it on his family members. So when both you and Toji show up to school to take Megumi and Tsumiki out, everyone is just looking at Megumi and his attractive family. They can see where he got his genes from. His gene pool was created by divinity itself. His mom’s attractive, his dad’s attractive, his sister’s attractive, then they look at Megumi and see that he’s attractive. It gets worse with Yuuji and Nobara. They make remarks about it every time, how show stopping your looks are, his dad had people of all sexualities swooning, and his sister made people have hearts in their eyes. 

Nobara: “That’s not fair! Fushiguro gets his amazing looks and genes from the two most heavenly beautiful people in the world and he’s not using them! God has favorites for sure.”

Yuuji: “But Fushiguro-kun is using his good-looks though, Kugisaki! He’s just the more silent, mysterious, aloof type of guy that every secretly wants, you'know?”

Megumi: “Can you two just shut it right now!? Stop talking about my parents or appearance! Focus on the damn mission!”

Family dinners are silent but content. Everyone always eats together whenever possible since Toji’s done cooking dinner at 6:30pm. There’s some talking here and there but everyone is more focused on enjoying the meal Toji cooks for them. The kids clean up after themselves and usually fill the sink with hot water to place their dirty dishes inside. They prefer to eat their dad’s cooking any day. Yuuji and Nobara come over to have dinner every now and then. That’s when it’s more lively since they’re always gushing about Toji’s food.

Your children are so protective of you because of their father. Toji tells them there are some people out there that won’t respect you and tells Megumi and Tsumiki it’s their job to tell him if anyone bothered them or you. They mostly tell him about the amount of men who try to hit on you even though you said you’re already married to Toji, flashing your wedding ring, when you pick up Megumi and Tsumiki from school. Toji shows up with you, sizing up every male in the vicinity while puffing his chest. You roll your eyes but silently admit it was hot. It doesn’t change when they get older, they just hide it better. You could be in the grocery store in the produce section and some guy is hitting on you. You don’t have your wedding ring on because your fingers were sore and it hurt to wear jewelry on your hand. But you wore it on in a necklace. The guy wasn’t taking no for an answer until he saw two people behind you, staring down this man. It’s your son and husband. Then your daughter pops up and steals you away to look at a sale of some fruits she wanted. Leaving the poor man in the wrath of Megumi and Toji. They only put their hands on someone if they harass you or down right disrespect in any form. Mostly they’ll give a talk to the individual that’s not so courtesy of you. The best thing about this whole thing? The teens and Toji saw it all happen and made it into a whole operation. Tsumiki was in on it too, bruh. The men collectively agree to stare down any person that looked at you funny. Tsumiki isn’t so serious but she’s more subtle with her warnings and hints. You remembered when Toji was talking to Megumi about dealing with these situations. “Megumi, when you bring your dogs out, I need you to have them bite the guy in the balls if they try something with your mother or snatch their bag if they’re a woman.” “TOJI!” “I was thinking about the same thing, Dad.” “MEGUMI (L/N) FUSHIGURO! PLEASE! I can’t with you two!”

Those family talks. Like when Megumi opens up to you or Toji about something, it could be anything but it’s mostly personal things. You know it’s serious when it’s just him sitting at the kitchen table while you and Toji are doing something in the kitchen. Hitting you with the “Can I ask you two something?” Then you and Toji give Megumi your undivided attention to let him know you’re listening and paying attention. These happen with Tsumiki too but she’s already an open book and isn’t as reserved as Megumi. You both give your commentary and advice when asked, sometimes you let Megumi rant or let out his bottled up feelings. Surprisingly, unsurprisingly, Toji gives out insightful advice that Megumi takes into account every time his dad speaks. This is also how you become closer to your son and daughter, even your own husband.

They are allowed to swear in the house but Toji’s rule is “You can swear but it can’t be towards someone.” But the kids didn’t swear until they were in junior high.

The house doesn’t have much talking but it’s not the uncomfortable kind. It’s the kind where everyone is enjoying each other’s presence with no need for talking. It’s functional in your household, so it works with your family.

Don’t remind Toji that Megumi and Tsumiki will eventually move out and have their own lives because Toji will get all soft and emotional about it.

Toji and you are living the dream life. A nice house and property. A loving family with two wonderful children to ever bless you and your husband. And a healthy life where your family is close. Toji never thought he could’ve had this life but he now he does. This is the greatest middle finger and ‘fuck you’ to the Zen'in clan.

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

The issue: I have little energy for housework after I get home from work.

Observation the first: When I have a coffee around 9am, I crash hard and want to fall asleep around 2pm.

Observation the second: Before I crash hard, I am miraculously productive and energetic.

Observation the third: Most of my caffeine intake is in the very dilute form of Diet Pepsi (~3 mg/oz). I very rarely drink coffee (average 12 mg/oz) and never take more than a few sips of an energy drink (avg 10-20 mg/oz).

Hypothesis: Drinking coffee upon getting home from work (usually between 4:30 and 5 pm) will give me energy to do household tasks I normally cannot, and allow me to fall asleep by my normal bedtime of 11:00.

Methodology: I shotgunned one 8-oz can of room temperature Twix flavored coffee drink (between 60-80 mg caffiene) at roughly 5:30 pm after impulse buying a 12-pack at Sam's Club.

Observations until time of posting:

I portioned and froze everything else I bought in bulk immediately after dinner. Usually after dinner, I sit on the couch and scroll social media.

As scheduled, I hosted the usual weekly anime club. This week, while watching the show, I made significant progress on a weaving project. This is not necessarily out of the ordinary, as I had begun it the evening previously and had been excited to continue.

The first yawn has been recorded around 10:30 pm.

Potential complications:

If this caffeine crash does not happen as predicted, an important day at work tomorrow will fucking suck.

I have a tendency to get migraines if I do not have enough caffeine. In the long term, heightening my caffeine dependency may prove detrimental in the side effects of its absence.

Current course of action: it is now nearing 11 pm and I will attempt to go to sleep.

I will return for more observations in the morning.

[sweetiegirlsue]

diary entry 1 (10/07/23)

i was having the worst week, like the absolute worst week - mentally, physically, emotionally, work-wise. all of it. i felt alone, and hated it, but i also wanted to be alone bc i didn't want to see anyone, or moreover, anyone see me. to the point where i was wondering if i needed to be committed... like that bad. i was wondering why, and i thought maybe it was bc i saw my abuser last week (pure happenstance - that's a story in-and-of itself) for the first time in coming up on a year now, haven't even spoke to him since may. i thought he no longer lived here so i had this false sense of safety but i'll get more into that at a later date. not sure i'm ready to unpack that that trauma, but when i am.... buckle in.

anyways: felt like shit, ate like shit, didn't want to do shit. i was mean to the people i loved and i hated it but i didn't care to change? i was ugly. actually physically as well lol i didn't even care to get ready-ready except for one day out of the entire week. all of this to say... i thought it was because of him and i was losing my mind thinking i was like, broken for real. turns out i was freaking pms-ing. LMAO like seriously why does the bitchy PMS trope get more and more real with age (yes i am 26 yes i am decrepit).

but i feel like that was kind of a symptom of what i've been struggling with lately bc i'm realizing i've completely lost my sense of self. that being said, i'm actively on a journey to self discovery and strengthening my relationship with God. i'm trying to be more present, to stop my thoughts (especially negative ones) in their tracks (something i learned in "get out of your head" by jennie allen). its honestly helping at least a bit, which is what she says in the book - catching even just one negative thought, acknowledging where its coming from then giving it over to God, will change the trajectory of every other thought.

along with that, i'm keeping my social media usage to a record minimum - literally less than an hour a day across all platforms, which has also been very healing. i know its corny to talk about and it really does show my age, but i really feel like we do not need to be consuming the shit that is spoon-fed to us on a daily basis, constantly, on all these platforms. when i fully realized a lot of my thoughts were how i could tweet about something, or make a story about something, or an instagram post. like what the fuck? and for what? it's so nice being able to unplug and reframe my thinking. i've been doing good and i'm liking the breath of fresh air so far.

speaking of fresh air, what made me finally take the time to sit down and journal my thoughts (which is truly just a stream of consciousness) is when i realized what i'm doing at the current moment. i'm sitting on my couch with my patio door open welcoming the morning sun and autumn breeze, drinking coffee and watching netflix all cozy on a cool, fall morning. i'm texting a boy that i used to "date" in middle school and have had a few flings with throughout the years since.

back in middle school i remember around this time of year, sitting on the couch while my parents were at work and my brother was at a friends, watching netflix (and/or playing wii fit) and drinking coffee while texting specifically this boy. it's like i'm taken back to that exact time (except this time i'm indulging in a few joints lol). my inner child is feeling healed and this is the most at peace i've felt in a long time. i usually don't allow myself to rest, i guess i fell as though i don't deserve to (?), so it's nice feeling like i'm allowed to have this time to myself. s/o sex education season 4 <3

in conclusion, this is me documenting the jump start to my healing journey. my focus right now is catching negative thoughts and letting them go, and just being present in the real world. let this be your reminder to pause and actually smell the roses. like literally bend down, put the damn flower to your nose, and smell it when you see one. i'm talking to both me and you on that one.

i hope this is the first of many more diary entries, which i will sign off with the verse OTD:

show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:4-5)

[levi-lover]

Barista!Levi

T/W: fluff :)

A/N: i miss going to coffee shops and meeting cute barista:(

the sixth in my “week of drabbles” challenge! the requirements: has to be over 500 words, posted before 10 pm PST and i can’t overthink it :D

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Barista!Levi has your order memorized and remembers the times you come in during the week. He makes sure to be running the cash register so he could talk to you. He always asks about your day and how work or your classes are going. Everyone at the cafe knows he has a crush on you but he always says he’s just being a good service employee (Hange laughed in his face when he argued this). His days always get better when he says you, you’re a ray of sunshine in his otherwise dreary day. He thinks you’re so funny and sweet. On days you don’t come in, he gets so grumpy and irritated (Again, Hange teases him). 

Sometimes he wondered if you have a partner, he assumes you do because someone as lovely as you deserves to be cherished and loved. When you leave the cafe, he watched you go with a soft yearning in his gaze. He would do anything to be able to love you. 

While opening alone one day, you came in. Levi was surprised to see you but welcomed the surprise. You told him about the early final you had. You were nervous, scared you might not do well but Levi assured you that you could pass without fail. He might have gotten carried away and said that you were amazing and capable of doing anything you wanted. You were in awe. It warmed your heart that the cute barista you had a crush on thought so highly of you. You thanked him, grabbed your drink and left. You wished you could stay a bit longer but you were already running late. 

You didn’t show up for a few days. Levi was sad and worried he may have stepped over a boundary. After a week of you not coming in, he was surprised to see you entering with a huge smile on your face. His heart skipped a beat and he smiled back at you. Nervously, he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. You walked to the counter with purpose, you were on a mission today. 

You ordered your regular drink and made small talk with him as he made it. When he handed you your drink, your hands lingered over his for a second. You apologized and looked at the ground. You started to feel self-conscious, hoping Levi wasn’t thinking you were being too pushy. You were starting to lose faith in your mission. To be honest, you were hoping to ask Levi out on a date but now you were starting to second guess it. What if he thought it was inappropriate to ask while he was working?

You thanked him quickly and ran out of the cafe. But before you could be too hard on yourself, you noticed something written on the cup. It was a phone number, Levi’s phone number and a note saying: I’m glad to see you again. Let’s hang out when I’m not wearing this stupid apron. 

Suddenly, nothing mattered anymore, not the strangers giving you weird stares as you pumped your fist in the air, not the stress of the new term, nothing did because Levi liked you back. It was the beginning of something new and you knew it was going to be a good one.

[toru-oikawas-milkbread]

New year, New Love, New Life

Pairing: Atsumu Miya x f!reader

Word count: 6.2K

Warnings/contents: Angst, happy ending, fluff, mild language, pining 

Notes: I made this really sad for absolutely no reason and I don’t even remember writing most of it, so… it’s sort of a rough start, but the end of the chapter is happy!

It’s not midnight my time, but happy New Years eve (my time anyways) everybody!!! Enjoy this angsty to fluffy holiday post for Atsumu. I still have one more chapter of something to post today in a little bit! 

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A soft sigh left you as you drained the drink from your cup, squeezing past a few people in the relatively crowded hallway to make your way towards the kitchen. It was hardly 10 PM and you couldn’t wait to be home in bed, your cat snuggled into your side and the tv on as you waited for midnight. Truth be told, as excited as everyone was for the new year, you couldn’t help but feel like today was just another Friday.

The new year was exciting in a way— but you had to admit, with the steady way life was going and how you weren’t expecting any big changes, you didn’t care much about having a big celebration. Even if part of you did want to be in a relationship by this time in your life, you couldn’t help but wanting to be alone and you thought that might be why you were single and why you never attracted people to yourself. You hated to leave the house, and while you were far from unattractive, it was hard to be with even the most attractive of people when all they wanted to do was stay inside all of the time.

You used to think someday soon you’d stumble into a cute boy in the coffee shop like they always did in the cheesy movies and books, but instead you walked freely into café doors and you found yourself at home with another creative project and a cup of coffee as always. As much as the daydreaming part of your mind wanted to believe that you’d find love even if you were scared to leave and meet all these new people, you wanted to dream about the thought of happiness with another person, but the side was slowly dying away with every year spent sitting on your living room sofa with your cat. And while you were happy with your life, you didn’t think there was anything wrong with wanting to have more.

The issue? Acquiring more.

The thoughts set heavy in your mind as you left the kitchen, this time no drink in hand. Because you were walking home, you needed to be sober, to be able to think as clearly as you could when you’d walked to your friends apartment. And while it was only a block or two away, you knew how fast people got kidnapped and didn’t want to be another story on the news.

“Hey, (y/n)!” You looked over, forcing a smile at the woman of the hour— she had thrown this huge party by herself, and being such a charismatic and outgoing girl, she had almost every single one of her coworkers here. Hell, you thought you’d even seen her boss and his wife around the party despite seeming like uptight people from the single Christmas party you went to with her. “I was wondering if you left,” she gave your arm a soft jab with her elbow and made you wince; she was a little more than tipsy, but she smiled sweetly at you nonetheless. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” even through her drunken gaze she could tell that you were lying, but why? She wasn’t sure. You were far from the most open person, she found it hard to get you to talk to her about anything that was going on in your head and wondered, even through her persistence all those years ago, if you may never let her into your life as anything more than a loud girl who yelled her greetings at you from across the school hallway. “How are you? It’s really a great party, I think everyone is having a lot of fun.”

“Mm— I sure hope so,” she took another sip of her drink, grinning and waving across the room. “Hey, I have a surprise for you,” she said, nudging your arm again to catch your drifting attention.

“You know I hate surprises.” You grumbled, rubbing your arms while she laughed.

“Don’t worry— you’ll like this one. Come here.” She took your hand, tugging you along with her up the stairs and towards her bedroom. You were shocked at how much more quiet it was up the stairs even as the music and chatter of the party was still ringing in your ears. “You go in my room and I’ll be right back.” You looked anxiously at the girl who walked back down the stairs, looking through her open bedroom door.

“What am I getting myself into now….?” You mumbled to yourself, but even as you wondered what she was going to be doing, you walked into the room, choosing to trust her. “She’s never done anything bad before— I’m sure it’s just… she wants to show me something.” You talked to yourself, nodding along in agreement with your own hesitant words even as the back of your mind knew you didn’t believe even yourself. “I’m sure that’s all this is.” You mumbled out, listening to the faint sound of footsteps coming towards the room as you sat on the end of the bed with your back towards the door— but as you listened, you swore that you heard more than just her drunken stumbling.

Suddenly, the door shut— hard, making you jump and look back in shock. Through the dim light in the room, you saw Atsumu’s face as he walked in the room and sent him a little smile.

“Oh, hi Atsumu.” You said, shifting to face him better. “How is it going? I didn’t even know you were here.”

“Yeah— I knew you were here, I saw ya earlier, but before I could come towards ya, I got my attention stolen.” He sighed, moving to sit on the end of the bed with you. “How are ya?”

“I’m good.” You said it simply, but the same as your friend, Atsumu had known you long enough to know you weren’t telling the whole truth. He sent you a skeptical look that made you give a soft scoff. “I can never just answer your questions without you suspecting I’m lying,” you said, looking back towards the window as he raised an eyebrow at you.

“Maybe if ya weren’t lyin’ I’d believe ya.” Your shoulders sunk in as you looked down.

“I’m fine.”

“And fine means…?”

“I’m… not completely miserable, but I’m far from happy…?” You trailed off as if you were asking the man and made him give a quiet sigh.

“Sorry to hear that.” Atsumu was never the best at comforting— while he wasn’t completely unable to sense when you were upset and when you were needing something more than a simple pat on the arm, even when it did come time for that something more, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to comfort you. He didn’t know if his comforting when he tried ever did work— the issue with being such a tightly closed book always sat in you being alone at the end of the day whether you had a boyfriend, a better paying job, a cat, a dog, a life or not.

“I mean… just look at this place,” you spoke softly, almost too quiet for him to hear, so he leaned a little closer to you. “It’s full of couples and… and I know that I don’t need some guy to make my life worthwhile, but… would it hurt to be happy with somebody just for once?” You mumbled, looking at your hands even as you saw the man staring intensely at you from the corner of your eye. “Would it kill someone to fall in love with me?” He bit his lip, shaking his head.

“Ya have no idea how easy it is to fall in love with ya, (y/n).” The words seemed to go right over your head as you softly scoffed and looked away from the man.

“You mean I have no idea how insanely impossible it is to love a flaky, self-centered, boring asshole like me?”

“Hey— yer not boring and ya never stand me up,” he said as if it was all that mattered. “I know ya think there’s so much to not love about ya, but yer missin’ the things that there are to love.” With a roll of your eyes, you looked at the man.

“Oh, I’m sorry— I forgot to add how terribly inconsiderate I am of other people’s feelings and the fact that I never leave my house and not only seem like an asshole personality wise, but looks wise too since I never smile at strangers.”

“And how ya laugh when I tell a dumb joke and ya cover your nose when it scrunches or look down. How ya hug me after we win a big game that I know means nothin’ to ya but ya know it means a lot to me and ya come even if yer bored. And how ya make these blunt jokes that always make me laugh. How ya make even little things like sitting in a room on New Years eve fun. Ya have so much more than ya give yerself credit for. And maybe ya don’t look like yer as nice as ya are, but I don’t wanna sit here and listen to ya say those bad things about yerself when ya know yer so much more than somebody who loves their cat and doesn’t like to leave the house.”

You couldn’t help the way that your cheeks warmed, and maybe it was the way that he was looking at you— but there was something different in his eyes that you just couldn’t pinpoint, or maybe it was the fact that he spoke so softly and certainly and even the music beneath the floor wasn’t taking your attention away from him, but for once you didn’t want to break the eye contact right away even as you flushed.

“D-don’t say things like that,” you scolded the man. “I don’t scrunch my nose when I laugh!” You lied, earning a raised eyebrow from the man who slowly smiled.

“Sure ya don’t.” He said softly. “But— again— yer missin’ the point.” He pressed, scooting closer to you on the bed as you involuntarily leaned away, but even your unconscious movements didn’t stop his hand from grabbing yours. “Ya don’t give yerself credit. For the way ya show ya care in such a simple way. For the way ya make people fall in love with ya even if they never thought they’d see it comin’.” He gave your hand that shook slightly in his a squeeze. “I know I’m makin’ ya uncomfortable, and I know ya want me to leave, and I will— but ya need to know that these things about yerself that either yer sayin’ or other people are sayin’ aren’t true.”

“Come on— of course they are,” you said, pulling your hand from his light grasp and wrapping your arms around yourself in a comforting manner as the man looked at you; he was right, you were uncomfortable. You were uncomfortable because he was being so nice to you— and while Atsumu wasn’t a mean man, times like this were not frequent. As close as the two of you had always seemed to be, you felt like even he never really scratched the surface of who you were as a person, and this subtle reassurance that he saw you and he noticed little things about you like this made you uncomfortable to think of. “I’m cold and rude and we both know that you know that.” Atsumu gave a soft sigh, shoulders sinking lightly in defeat even as the words were on the tip of his tongue.

“Well… maybe someday someone can prove ya wrong even if I can’t.” He sent you a small smile and stood, glancing at the door. “I don’t think we’re stuck in here or anythin’.” Truthfully, you felt bad— you had time and time again ignored his kind advances— because you were afraid that if you got too close to him, he’d hurt you like everyone else had. That his kind words were going to turn sour and this act of caring about you was going to only be a façade to make you look like a fool, and you would do anything to uphold yourself and seem like anything but a fool, even if instead it made you seem cold or made you sad.

“Alright.” You said anyways.

“I’m gonna go see if I can find ‘Samu, he’s probably raidin’ the fridge by now,” he said with a soft chuckle, and while he didn’t seem hurt or affected by your words now, you still felt bad. Nevertheless, you nodded and watched as he turned his back to you. “I’ll be around— maybe I’ll see ya before the new year comes and we can celebrate together,” he sent you one final smile before he left the room in time for you to give a sniffle and look down almost pathetically.

“You really are a shitty person,” you mumbled to yourself, standing up as you sniffled one more time and left the room. Thankfully, finding your friend came easy tonight. You walked over to her, sending her a small, forced smile when she met your eye.

“(y/n)! How was 7 minutes in heaven with dear Atsumu?” She teased.

“Just fine. Hey, I’m gonna head home— I know it’s not midnight, but I have a really bad headache and I think I’m gonna try and get some rest.” She sent you a saddened look but nodded.

“Okay. Well, if you need anything, I’ll be here.”

“Thank you.” Before you could leave, she leaned in and gave you a hug that made you give a soft sound in discontent as you barely hugged her back.

“Happy New Years, (y/n).”

“Yeah— happy New Years, Kiko.”

The walk to your apartment was thankfully peaceful. You were absentminded, hands in your pockets to keep warm and eyes on the ground as you tried not to slip on the ice. After all, Atsumu wasn’t there to catch you like he had been the last time you slipped on the ice. It had been when it first snowed, the two of you ran into each other at a coffee shop, and on your way out, you nearly spilled your coffee and slipped if the man hadn’t caught you before you fell back.

Your fingers raked through your tabby cats soft grey fur, her soft purring and the sound of the quiet television on in the background was almost all of the noise in the apartment. Thankfully for you it seemed as if your neighbors were at parties and not hosting parties, giving you a moment of silence that you didn’t want, but as you always did, you pushed the noise away and went home.

“Why do you think I’m like this, Coconut?” You asked softly, but got nothing in return as your cat napped peacefully on your legs. “Why do I keep sabotaging my own happiness?” You sighed and looked back to the tv. “It’s really getting old.” You grumbled out, but even as you spoke, you wondered what exactly could’ve happened if you’d stayed at the party. “I mean— what, was Atsumu going to kiss me at midnight?” You asked aloud with an eye roll. “Was he going to make it worth my while to stay there? If I wouldn’t have been so distant in the bedroom what would he have done— he would’ve left anyways,” you said to yourself, trying to make yourself feel better. “He was just being Atsumu— it’s not like he’s in love with me or something.” You grumbled, looking down at your cat.

But even as you spoke, you couldn’t help the way it hurt your chest. To be alone, to be missing out because you couldn’t stop distancing yourself from people because of an irrational fear that lingered constantly in your head.

“What… what happens if I give in, Coconut?” You asked softly. “What happens if I finally decide that trusting someone might not be the worst thing in the world? What happens if he… if he keeps being this nice to me without me pushing him away and I fall in love with him?” You asked mainly yourself, already knowing long before your eyes teared up that you’d loved Atsumu for longer than you wanted to admit. “What happens if I let him in and I trust him and I love him? Isn’t he just gonna hurt me?” You said, looking at your cat. “Won’t he just leave me like everyone else always does? This… this is better than being hurt,” you said, but as you spoke, your cat yawned, moving to stretch off of your legs and leaving you.

With a soft sniffle, you stood, heading towards your kitchen with your empty glass in hand and pouring yourself another cup of wine, daydreaming about what it may be like to not be sitting alone drinking wine on New Years Eve even though you left the party. You wished someone would’ve followed you, maybe that your friend would have convinced you to stay, but as you went to sit back on the sofa and looked at the time, you sighed sadly and sipped your wine.

“Happy New Years to me.” You mumbled, looking at your cat. “What’s my resolution?” You spoke to yourself, before now not even thinking of the stupid resolution part of the holiday; get more in shape? Get promoted? Write a book? Start a new hobby? “I think… I think my new resolution is to be less… secretive.” You mumbled. “Maybe if I just…” You sighed, thinking of telling the truth to Atsumu and yet immediately worrying about what may come of it. Your cat meowed, padding over to you with a cute look on her face. “Do you… think I should tell the truth to ‘Tsumu, Coconut?” You asked, knowing that you wouldn’t get an answer, but the way she nuzzled against your legs made you smile. “Do you think I could be happy?” Again, she meowed. “Do you think… I deserve to be happy?” This time, she was quiet, sitting down and looking at you as you sniffled. “We’ll never know if we don’t try, right?”

Even still as you stood and gently set your glass down, a shiver ran down your spine at the thought of confessing your feelings; at the thought of being rejected or maybe even treated well and eventually hurt. But the worries didn’t stop you from slowly walking to your door with one quick look back at your cat who jumped onto the warm spot where you were just sitting and laid down.

“I’ll… I’ll be back.” You mumbled, getting your shoes and putting them on. The anxiety was bubbling up in your stomach as you reached for the door handle and opened it, looking out into your empty hallway and putting your jacket on. You repeated words in your mind like a mantra to try and calm yourself.

“What’s the harm?” “You’ll never know if you don’t try.” “Just give it a shot, what’s the worst he does?”

With a scoff, you locked your door behind yourself and decided that until you made it to the first floor of your apartment building, you’d debate on whether or not this was a good idea.

“What’s the worst that happens…? He… doesn’t love me. What’s the worst that happens is that he… he was just being nice. He wasn’t actually saying those things to me and he was just being nice he just… he doesn’t really feel that way.” Sadly, you stopped before you could open the stairwell down, hand grabbing the handle as you sighed and hung your head. “This is a waste of my time. I shouldn’t even leave and go see him. He’s probably not even home. He’s probably with someone else.” With a sigh, you nearly turned away before you looked at the door again. “Maybe… my New Years resolution can be to try and be more hopeful.”

With a tug, you opened the door and started to walk quickly down the stairs before you could change your mind again. When the chilled air hit your face, you immediately shivered even as you wore a coat, but it was the last thing on your mind as you started to head out into the night. There was laughter, drunk people walking home, friends driving together— everything you weren’t, but you were hoping something more than disappointment may come from this.

Anxiously, you stuffed your hands into your jacket pockets to save them from the cold air and walked quickly to the apartment building that was close to your friends. Atsumu lived close to you, thankfully, and you hoped against every doubt in your mind that said a good looking guy like him probably wasn’t alone that he was just that— alone. That he would answer the door and you could finally force yourself to be honest and tell the truth.

“What am I even supposed to say…?” You mumbled to yourself. ““Hey, Atsumu, I know it’s late but I love you?”” With a scoff, you kicked a stray rock ahead of you. ““I know I left you and played the part of an asshole, but I’ve liked you for years?”” Another soft scoff. “This is stupid anyways.” But even as your pessimistic thoughts overtook you, your legs carried you to his apartment.

Taking the quickest rout you could, you hurried up the stairs and to the 5th floor of the building. Your legs were tired after a long week of working as hard as you could for the end of the year to prove you were worthy of a promotion, your head was starting to hurt as you went from a warm building to the cold outdoors and now back into a warm building, but you stopped in front of Atsumu’s door and took a deep breath in before you knocked.

Nothing. So you knocked again.

Again, nothing. You sighed the breath you held before out and waited for a minute before knocking again, wondering if maybe he was asleep on the sofa or if he was in the bathroom, but even as you waited for a few minutes, there was nothing. Your mind went to the worst of places, wondering just what he could be doing whether he was home or somewhere else.

Sadly, almost pathetically, you hung your head and turned around, walking towards the stairwell door with a quiet sigh.

“I knew this was a waste of time.” You mumbled to yourself, but even if you knew it was a waste of time and you knew nothing could have come of this pointless venture, you couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed that he wasn’t there— or he was simply busy.

You left the apartment building earlier than you wanted to, your hopes of being able to see him just one more time tonight getting shot down.

Deciding to take a longer rout, you cut through the park that was between your building and Atsumu’s, fiddling with your fingers inside of your pockets and looked around the well lit area. You took a moment to look at the moon and sighed.

“Well, here’s to another year,” you said to yourself. “This is how I like it anyways, right?” You asked yourself, though knowing you were lying. “I like to be alone. I like to sleep in my bed however I like, I like to eat whatever I want for dinner and not compromising, I like to stay inside on the weekends instead of going on dates, I like to… I like to be with my cat.” You teared up as you thought and looked down. “I don’t need someone to love me, I… I have Coconut. Coconut is better than someone who can hug me back and tell me they love me even on my worst days.” You knew you were lying to yourself, but the words you once sought out comfort in were doing nothing for you tonight. “I don’t even want to be in love. It’s always a sham and I’d just get disappointed again.”

With a huff, you sat back on a bench and looked up at the sky as a warm tear slid down your face. You tried to bite it back, reaching up to rub it away quickly.

“Life alone is the kind of quiet that I need.” You assured yourself, even if you knew that you were lying and wanted and craved something so much more than the empty thought of dying alone. “Coconut probably misses me anyways. What would some guy do— keep me out late,” you sniffled and thought of standing when the crunch of snow beneath someone’s feet caught your attention before a voice spoke and made you look.

“(y/n)?” You looked aside, meeting Atsumu’s shocked gaze. “Hey— I was just… what are ya doin’ out here?” He asked, stopping mid-sentence as he walked closer. “Are ya okay?” He frowned, noticing the watery look to your eyes the closer he neared you. “What’s the matter?”

Now that you were faced with the man, you didn’t know what to do. You left your house to see him— you left your cat, the warmth, your bed— and yet even when you thought of confessing beforehand, you were at a loss, jaw slightly slacked and no words coming out. What did you do now? Did you say something? Did you stay quiet about it all and lie— again?

“Did somethin’ happen?” He sat on the bench beside you, giving you a bit of space as you looked at him in a shocked manner. Even if he was confused and looked cold and tired, Atsumu took a moment with you and the mere gesture made your chest ache.

“I, uh…”

“I know I came on kinda strong earlier and… well, I’ve been meanin’ to talk to ya. I… I was goin’ to your apartment. I… made myself a promise and… I didn’t make good on that promise like I wanted to.” You frowned, wondering what he could be talking about as he sighed and turned to face you a little better than before on the cold bench. “I just need ya to know, I…” With a sigh, Atsumu looked down and clenched his jaw. “I don’t know what to do.” He said quietly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talkin’ about you, I— I don’t know what to do,” he huffed out harshly. “I don’t wanna scare ya off, I don’t wanna make ya uncomfortable, but… no offense, there’s just no talkin’ to ya without worryin’ about that.”

“What if… just for tonight, I promise that you can tell me anything and I won’t be weird?” Atsumu stole a quick look at you and chewed on the inside of his lip.

“Even if what I’m thinkin’ is gonna scare ya?” He asked hesitantly.

“Well, yeah.”

“Then… then I guess… I need to tell ya that… what I said earlier, I wasn’t just talkin’ about some random guy, I… I was thinkin’ about me. Being the person who falls in love with ya, and it’s too late to even think so little. The truth is, (y/n)… I’ve loved ya for a long time. And for a long time I thought I loved ya because ya made me laugh and ya spent time with me, but… it’s not just that. Ya say ya don’t scrunch yer nose when ya laugh, but I noticed it a long time ago when I first started to fall for ya and I can’t stop thinkin’ about how cute it is.” He sighed and looked down as he spoke. “It feels so pointless sometimes, because I know ya could never feel the same for me and I know that this feelin’ I have for ya needs to just go away, but… outside of volleyball, I can’t think about anythin’ but ya.” He seemed to sniffle, and despite never doing it before, you tossed all of your worries aside and leaned closer to the man, grabbing his jacket collar to catch his attention and pressing your lips to his.

Atsumu gave a soft sound in shock, his eyes widening as he looked at you and wondered Dif what was happening was really happening or this was all some cruel dream— so he pinched you.

“Ow!” You yelled, pulling back. “What the hell was that for!?”

“I thought I was dreamin’!”

“You’re supposed to pinch yourself, not me!”

“Oh…” Atsumu reached down and pinched his forearm. “Ow.” You blinked, looking at the man in front of you in a dumbfounded way as he met your eyes. “Uh… sorry, that really ruined the moment.” You couldn’t help it, a smile coming onto your face as you gave a laugh and looked down, but his fingers quickly caught your chin and pushed it back up. There was a smile on Atsumu’s face that you had never seen before, one you missed every time he sent it in your direction and one that made your cold cheeks flush dark as he looked between your eyes to your nose. “See that,” he brought his finger up and gently rubbed the bridge of your nose. “Ya scrunch it when ya laugh and I think ya know ya do and that’s why ya look down. Or maybe yer worried about someone seein’ ya smile because ya used to have braces and ya thought ya looked ugly, but you know what?” The man spoke softly, so you followed his tone and lowered your voice.

“What?”

“Even with all the metal in your mouth, I never thought ya looked ugly. Even when ya eat more than ‘Samu after a few days of dieting and nearly starvin’ yerself. Especially when ya scrunch yer nose— yer so beautiful.” He said it so soft you almost didn’t hear over the sound of distant laughter, but as you looked into his soft, pretty brown eyes, you couldn’t help but focus on only him. “Yer so beautiful and yer so perfect. Even when yer pushin’ me away, I never want to leave ya.” He slowly leaned in, but instead of pulling away this time, he watched as your eyes flicked to his lips and slowly started to close. “Sorry I ruined the moment. Give me another chance?”

“I… I’ve always been so scared, but… but you don’t understand how many chances I’d give you even if you broke my heart over and over again.” You closed your eyes as a tear slid past your eyes, but instead of his lips on yours, Atsumu pulled you into a gentle hug, cradling your head in his hand as he held you against his chest and softly shushed your sobs.

“I know yer scared. But I promise ya, I’ll never hurt ya. You don’t have to worry so much about me. People have let ya down in the past, but I won’t ever let ya down. I won’t ever break yer trust. I know ya don’t give it out— I’m gonna earn it. I’m gonna earn it and I’m never gonna let it go and I’m never gonna hurt ya.” He promised you softly. You couldn’t even think of what to say, mumbling out a soft apology as you hid your face in his chest. “Don’t ya apologize. It’s okay. I love ya. Ya can cry. Yer allowed to hurt. Yer allowed to be scared. Yer allowed to have these feelings.” It felt like with every word from the man, your chest ached more as you tried not to sob against him— and failed almost miserable. “Yer allowed to be in pain and I won’t make fun of ya and I won’t tell ya what yer feeling isn’t valid. Ya know… ya know ya can feel this way, right?” He asked. “Ya know it isn’t bad for ya to cry.”

“Sure feels like it is,” you sniffled.

“It’s not. It’s good for ya to admit how ya feel. Ya don’t have to deal with everythin’ on your own anymore. Ya never did. Ya always had me and ya always will. Ya can share the weight ya have with me.”

“I don’t want to. It’s all just stupid— it’s little things that don’t even need to be worried about.”

“If it upsets ya, it isn’t stupid.” He frowned. “Ya don’t deserve this. Ya gotta stop treatin’ yerself this way.” He pulled back, keeping his arms around you but making you look up at him with a look that made his chest ache for you. “But until I can get that through this thick, pretty head of yers, I’ll be here to tell ya over and over again.” He promised, kissing your forehead as your lip quivered. “I’ll tell ya every day. I’ll kiss yer head every day. I’ll take the time to listen to the same things every day if ya need. I’d do anythin’ for ya, and I just… I wish I knew how to say it better.” You sniffled, reaching up to rub your nose.

“You don’t need to say it better.”

“I want to. Ya deserve so much. Ya deserve the world. I don’t think ya understand how highly I hold ya in my mind. Yer so smart, yer so pretty, ya’ve always taken care of things on yer own and I always admired that, but ya don’t have to all the time. Ya don’t have to be afraid to ask for help. Ya don’t need to handle the world on yer own— and before ya say anything, I won’t let ya.” He said, knowing the look on your face all too well. “Let me help ya. Just sometimes. Put yer trust in me, I won’t hurt ya. I won’t let ya down. I won’t disappoint ya, I swear. Just… just be my New Years resolution, would ya?” He asked, cheeks warming. “It sounds stupid, but… let me treat ya how I think you deserve to be treated, because we clearly have different views about how ya should be treated and I won’t let ya treat yourself so poorly anymore. Every little bad thing you think about yerself, I can think of 5 that are perfectly amazing.”

“Please, I’m insanely flawed.” You rolled your eyes, but he shushed you softly.

“Yer perfectly imperfect, then.” He said simply. “Be my perfectly imperfect girl, because ya know… I’m not so great either.” He said, pressing his forehead to yours. “I’m not perfect. I make mistakes— we all do. Ya gotta let yerself make a mistake every once in awhile.” He said gently. “It’s okay to not be so perfect all the time.” He promised, eyes looking sweetly into yours as he said things nobody ever had before and made your heart race. “Just let me help ya and ya can help me. We can be flawed together. There’s nobody else I’d ever wanna be flawed with anyways.”

“Yeah, and… and what happens when you decide you don’t want to be flawed with me anymore? And what happens when you decide to be with someone who isn’t so pathetic?”

“Ya really don’t get it, do ya?” He asked softly, almost in a baffled way. “I’ve never wanted to be with anyone else. It’s always been ya, (y/n). It’s always gonna be ya. I just want to mean somethin’ to ya like ya mean to me.”

“Atsumu…” You mumbled, despite having quivering lips, you leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “You know, I was going to see you because… because I love you.” You said, pressing your forehead to his collarbone as his eyes widened. “Because I wanted to tell you that I loved you and when you weren’t home I thought… maybe I was too late and you were with someone else.”

“I can’t even think about bein’ with someone who isn’t ya anymore.” He said, gently rubbing your back. “I used to try, but… I just can’t stop thinkin’ about ya whenever I kiss someone else. Do ya… do ya think about me when ya kiss other people?” Your cheeks burned as you chewed on the inside of your lip.

“I, uh… I never kissed anyone before you…”

“Ya mean that kiss I didn’t react to was yer first kiss…?” He asked, embarrassed and beating himself up for reacting so poorly as you nodded. Atsumu pulled back again and grabbed your face to make you look at him. “Then… let me make your third kiss better, how about that?” He asked, leaning in a bit. “Just forget me ruinin’ the kiss and… let me make yer first kiss special.” Your lips twitched up into a little smile as you brought your hand up into his hair.

“Atsumu, even if you didn’t kiss me back… it was special, because it was you.”

“Well— at least let me try and make it more special.” A soft laugh came from you as you nodded. He grabbed your face gently with both of his hands and slowly leaned in as you closed your eyes. “I really do love ya, (y/n).”

“I love you, too.”

[downins]

jiyeong x reader where she leaves you little notes in your school/work bag and you leave her some too like on the fridge (with letter magnets) or post its on the mirror?

“Love Notes” Ji Yeong x gn!reader [ oneshot ] -college!au-

8:00 am

Ji Yeong’s class starts one hour earlier than yours so she usually leaves the dorm first. She always kisses you on the face, that’s when you know she’s awake. After she’s done packing her bags and making sure her outfit is neat, she pulls out a small sticky note. 

“y/n!! first day of school :D i’m so excited for you and also goodluck. I love you <3 make sure to eat breakfast >:(” 

She smiles to herself and looks at you for a while. How is she so lucky to have someone like you? 

 9:00 am

Rubbing your eyes and turning to an empty side made you pretty sad but hey at least you’re in the same college as Ji Yeong. This was your first day in the college that she goes to because you decided to enroll in the same place as her. You dislike long distance relationships so you moved here. She felt pretty bad for you but happy because you’re going to be with her 24/7. 

Monday, the worst day of every week. Also today is the first day of college for you, but everything is going to be fine. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself, hoping that everything will go smoothly on the first day. Maybe make some friends, find a good spot to study or maybe even a small café to hang out with your girlfriend.  

After showering and choosing your outfit, you walked to your table and saw a small note in your bag. You decided to take a look at it. It was a small and simple message but that managed to make your heart flutter. You never knew she would do something like this, you’ve always liked writing letters or small notes for others but you’ve never received one. Don’t worry, Ji Yeong will absolutely change that for you. 

You walked into the kitchen to have cereal and coffee. Honestly, the only thing that’s holding you together is caffeine and Ji Yeong too. You scrolled through social media while taking a sip of your drink. Your friends were telling about how much they miss you and also spilled a lot of tea. 

You were surprised and all but also sad because they’re like your other family. Leaving them did kind of hurt you but they reassured you and told you that they’ll respect your decision. 

Taking one last sip, you head to the sink to wash your dishes. 

“I should leave her a message too.. but what do i say?” 

You were lazy to unzip your bag and start writing again so you used the magnets on the fridge. 

“ILY” Well the magnets weren’t complete so that’s all you get to do. 

1:30 pm

“Oh my god.”

 It’s been 10 minutes and you still can’t unlock your door, the keys were jingling and you could feel your sweat slowly dripping down from your forehead. 

“Y/n, here let me do this.” 

You felt a hand slowly tapping your shoulder, yes it was Ji Yeong. She looked at you for a while and started chuckling. You watched as she inserted a key into the doorknob and twisted it a few times. 

“After you”

She gestured you to go in while smiling. You heard the door closed and turned to her. 

“How did you do that? I’ve been trying again and again and you just-” 

“You’ll get used to it”

She walked towards you and wrapped her arms around your waist, well you were tall and she’s pretty short so that’s all she can do. 

“How was your day today?”

You asked her while hugging her and patting her head, everything was pretty quiet and you were able to only feel her. The two of you stayed like that for a solid 5 minutes.

“It was nice, how was your first day, newbie?” 

She carassed your cheeks gently, you wanted to stay like that forever. 

“Everything went according to plan and I met some new friends, had some trouble finding certain classes but still it was a good day.”

You let go of each other and walked to the kitchen. 

“Y/n did you do this?”

“Do what?”

Ji Yeong pulled her phone out and took a picture of the fridge, she pulled you in for another hug. She gave you a small peck on the lips.

“You’re so cute sometimes.”

“Sometimes.”

She rolled her eyes at you before pulling you in for another kiss. 

“Everytime. Happy?”

You both had the widest smile on your faces. Until today, the both of you still write short reminders on a small sticky note. Some of them were ridiculously hilarious and some of them were sweet as honey. 

You never knew that little papers would bring so much happiness in your life and now you do. And they only bring you joy if it’s from Ji Yeong herself. 

[beigehearts]

Yandere adult trio: college AU These are drabbles for when they lose their mind and kill the people around you... and kidnaps you

These are going to be a little longer than usual but I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did when writing it (also im trying out the beta version of the new posting system so lemme know if anything is weird)

Sorry this took me forever bro

CW: murder, blood, physical abuse, alcohol

Hisoka

It's getting quite annoying to be completely honest. He just won't leave you alone, constantly flirting and making passes at you. And yet at the same time he makes fun of you and is actually very mean. It wasn't so bad in the beginning but this is just getting out of hand. You made sure he was aware of this. ---- He's looming over you as he corners you against the wall. You refuse to look up at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

While you aren't looking at him, you can feel him looking at you. You already know he has that annoying grin on his face that makes you want to punch him square in the nose.

He brushes his long fingers against your face, making a quiet humming noise. "Are you ready to give up my pet?"

You ignore his words and slap his hand away from your face. "I need to get to class, move Hisoka."

He frowns though you aren't looking at his face. He opens his mouth to say something when someone from behind him calls out to you. "Hey y/n! Are you okay?"

She walks towards you but before she can get involved you shove the man away and huff. What a nuisance. You turn towards him once you're standing next to your friend and glare at him.

"Leave me alone. It's annoying and it's scaring people. Got it?" Before he can respond you turn on your heels and drag your friend down the hall by her wrist just hoping to put distance between the two of you. ---- You're pretty sure you made it clear that you don't want him near you anymore. But by now you know he doesn't give up so easily. One can only hope that he gets bored of you and finds someone else to bother.

You and your friends went out for brunch earlier, and all was well until Chelsea handed you something. She said that she found it in her bag but it was addressed to you, so you put it in your own bag.

You pour yourself a rum and coke and make yourself comfortable on the couch of your shared apartment. All of your roommates went out for drinks but you were too tired to go out.

After taking a sip of the sweet liquid in your glass, you examine the letter you were given earlier. It's a typical white envelope with your name written in pen. There's no address on it or return address so you assume it was just supposed to be handed to you.

You rip open the letter with your finger and pull out the singular loose leaf paper. It's folded in three sections so you pull it open. The handwriting is messy but in an aesthetic sort of way.

Dear y/n, I strongly suggest that you go to class 406B in the technical building tonight. Don't be late or you'll miss the whole party. 10:45 pm - see you then. I almost forgot, if you don't come I have some revealing pictures of you that I can share with anyone I wish to. XOXO

This is the strangest letter you've ever received. It's probably a prank by one of your roommates or friends. You've never sent nudes to anyone so obviously they're bluffing.

Though perhaps you should entertain your friends and go. Who knows, maybe there will be drinks. But you are tired... Maybe you'll just go to bed. You peek over to the time on your phone, it's 9:12 pm. Yeah, you'll just go to bed after you finish your drink.

'bzz' 'bzzz'

Who is texting you so late at night? You sit up and realize you fell asleep on the couch. You wipe the drool off of your face and grab your phone with distain for whoever woke you up.

It's a blocked number.

ur late

Late? Late for what? Your phone displays the time, 11:27 pm. Are your friends really this committed to their prank? They must be trying to get Tik Tok famous or some shit. Well you're awake now, you might as well head over there.

----

The moment you step into the building something seems off. If all of the lights including the emergency lights wasn't enough, the ground seems sticky. Though you can't bring yourself to use your phone flash light to see what it is.

Eventually you find the room 406B in the darkness. The door is closed and no lights are on in the room. It seems as if no one is inside. As you reach for the handle of the door, you notice something on the window of the door. You can barely make it out, but there's what looks like a hand print. You chuckle, this must be a prank.

Now feeling a little better, you open the door and step inside. It's too dark to see anything but you can make out some figures in the dark. It must be your friends thinking they're being sneaky.

You roll your eyes and look for the light switch, finding it and switching it on. You squint at the sudden light, and your eyes begin to focus. Which you wish they never did.

There is blood everywhere, on the ceiling, the windows, the floor, the tables... But that's not the most jarring part. Your friends are sitting in chairs, one of them sitting on the ground against the wall.

There is your friend Chelsea, sitting in a chair with her head tipped down. You can't even tell what color her clothes originally were, they're covered in red, a dark dark red. Next to her is Derick, he's sitting the same way except his head is tipped backwards. His eyes are wide and his face is left in permanent horror- expressing the brutality of his end. You can't bare to look anymore, you drop to your knees and cover your face with your hands.

You scream and scream until your voice is hoarse and throat is raw. You're left coughing while you are drowned by your own tears.

"Are you ready to give up yet?" A deep voice asks from in front of you.

You can't stop the flow of tears as you look up at this monster. He's also covered in blood, and some is splattered on his face. He wipes a thumb across his face in the blood, and brings it to his lips. Sobs rack your body, you can't even make sense of this.

Hisoka squats down so you're face to face and grips your jaw bone tightly in his hand. You can feel the now cold substance being rubbed against your jaw by his fingers and it makes you want to puke.

"I got tired of waiting for you." His grin is nauseating, forcing you to stop yourself from puking.

His nails dig into your skin, mixing your own blood with that of your friend's. He brings his face close to yours and in a gentle but menacing tone he croaks, "Let's stop this childish game, alright y/n?"

Illumi

It's easy to miss things when you're caught up with the rush of classes and friends and love. All of the parties and hangovers are enough to satisfy your needs for entertainment and drama in this boring life. If you didn't fill up your daily life with these acts, you would probably sleep every day away until you fell into a coma.

To put it short, you're a busy body. And busy bodies don't have time to stop and look around at what is happening. For example, how were you to notice the key under your doormat was missing, or how your dresser drawers were left slightly open when you know you closed them before leaving. Noticing these small things are definitely not on your agenda.

It's 10 am, Saturday, and you don't have any classes or work today. You're sitting at the kitchen bar, drinking coffee and chatting with your roommate. It isn't often that you have a free day, and sometimes it is nice to have even if you want to get moving. The sun is peeking through the curtains and the aroma of espresso beans is a delight. It's a bit chilly so you have a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. What a peaceful morn-

'BANG BANG'

Your roommate eyes you when someone bangs on the front door, already knowing the events that are about to take place. She rolls her eyes and stomps up the stairs to her room, not wanting to get involved. You always feel bad that your roommates have to listen to this but you're really not sure how to end it.

You take your last peaceful sip of coffee and call out, "Come in!"

Before you can even finish your sentence, he storms inside and slams the door behind him. Your boyfriend of course is mad about something you've done. He trudges towards you and moves the stool next to you out of the way, and leans towards you so his face is next to yours.

"Are you kidding me y/n?!" He yells in your ear, but you don't flinch because you're used to this.

He rips his phone from his pocket and shoves it in your face after pulling up a screenshot. It's a conversation between you and his friend.

"Can't you learn to shut your damn mouth? This is our business and you have no right to tell anyone about it!" He's practically seething with rage.

You take a last sip of coffee and set your mug down on the counter. You continue facing forward and not facing him. "It's not our business, it's yours. And I asked him if it was true that you were cheating on me." You turn your head towards him while grimacing and mutter, "Again."

Ah but you've just lighted a bomb with your words.

His face has gone red and he looks like he's about to explode. You begin wondering why you were ever attracted to him.

"Maybe if you weren't such a prude! I can't even kiss my girlfriend whenever I want, it's ridiculous. You know full well that you're so... so... Ugh! You know what? Fuck you!"

As quickly as he came, he runs out of the house, slamming the door once again.

You whisper to yourself, "Fuck you too."

God he's such a child, you don't even want to be with him anymore. But every time you decide to break up with him he suddenly becomes Mr.Perfect. "I'm so sorry." "I love you." "Let me make it up to you." And then he does make it up to you only to tear down all of his hard work.

----

It's been a few days since your big fight with your boyfriend. He hasn't talked to you at all but this isn't uncommon for him. You promised your roommates that you would break up with him, not just for yourself but for the sake of their peace and quiet.

You texted him a few times while you were at work but he left you on read. He's so petty. So you text him one last time.

Come 2 my place at 8 tonight, We need to talk

He answers immediately which surprises you.

Can't, flat tire Come to my place

It doesn't make a difference to you where it is so that's fine. You wonder if maybe he's come to terms with the fact this needs to end. Hopefully so. If there's one thing you want him to be mature about, it's this.

Your shift ends at 6:30pm. You drive home, shower, get dressed, eat something and get ready to leave.

You send one last text,

OMW

It's read immediately but there's no response. Well, it's not like you expected much from him anyway. You drive to his house at 7:45 pm, and arrive around 7:58 pm. All of the lights in his town house are on. He's a few years older than you so he has his own house due to somehow being able to hold down a job. With his anger issues it's hard to believe that he can hold onto anything. Damn, he really is an unattractive person isn't he?

You step out of your car and lock it. Now that you're out of the car you realize that it's very quiet. This is unusual for when you go to his house, normally you can hear music or the sound affects of a shitty video game. But it's silent. Maybe he's waiting for you? He must be taking this well.

You step up the creaky stairs of the house, and knock on the equally as creaky door. No response. Maybe he's sleeping? You peek into the mail box and take out the extra key for the house from it. But when you go to unlock the door, it's already unlocked. This is becoming very strange.

You push open the door and peer into the dark living room. It's not too dark that you can't make out the furniture in the darkness. You step inside and shut the door behind you, it's still quiet. Not quiet, absolutely and undeniably silent. You flick the light on and look around again, nothing seems out of place. It's messy, with empty beer cans and bottles on the ground per usual. The stains on his carpet remain untouched, including the vomit stain in the corner.

"Jay?" You call out into the still atmosphere. Nothing. Is he not home? That can't be, his car is in the driveway.

The sound of his old floor boards being stepped on echoes through the house. What the hell is he trying to pull? You look up the stairs, but it's only darker up there than it was down here. He must be drunk.

Each step you take up the stairs, your heart begins to pound faster. Something feels off, this doesn't feel right. This isn't like your boyfriend, he's simple, he wouldn't try scaring you like this. On the top step, you feel your shoe touch something soft. You lean down and pick it up, and raise it up to your face. A pair of thongs that definitely aren't yours. So that's what's happening. He couldn't even pull himself together for one night.

Your pounding heart is no longer caused by fear but anger. He's cheated too many times to count on your hands, but this time makes you angrier than you've ever been. He's never been in bed with another woman knowing that you were coming over. This is fucking ridiculous.

You stomp towards his room and kick the door open. It's dark but you can tell that there are two people in bed. Your vision has gone red, you've never been this angry in your life.

You don't bother turning the lights on, you storm over to his side of the bed and rip the covers off. Just barely you can make out a woman sleeping next to him. You grab his shoulder tightly and shake him violently to wake him up.

"Get the fuck up Jay! Get! Up!" He doesn't respond, you lean down and yell in his ear like he always does to you. "You're such a childish piece of shit!"

He still doesn't move or speak, for fuck's sake. You stomp back to the entrance of the room and flick on the light. You turn around and begin walking back towards the bed, when you're stopped in your tracks.

Everything is red, but it's not your vision anymore. The bed has been dyed red, and his naked body is covered in it. Your mouths falls open but no screams come out. The woman next to him is splayed out on the bed, naked as well. Covered in red. You look down at the hands that touched your boyfriend, they're also red.

You rush over to the bed and shake your boyfriend again.

"Jay? Jay! Can you hear me?" You put your ear to his chest but you don't hear anything. You put your finger under his nose but don't feel anything.

"Hey! Hey! Wake up! This isn't funny!" Tears stream down your face as you pull him to your chest, cradling him.

Your sobs make it hard to speak and your chest begins to hurt. "J-... Jay... This- isn't-" You gasp between each word, "Funny..."

It's only when you hear a noise coming from behind you that you stop to think about what's going on. It doesn't matter to you though, they could kill you too if they wished.

"People are strange." You turn your head to see where the voice is coming from.

It's someone you don't recognize, he's tall, pale, has long hair, and hypnotizing eyes. Your sobs cease for a moment and you hug your boyfriend tighter to you.

"All of that fighting... You were even coming here to break up with him and yet... You're sad that he's gone?" He makes his way towards you slowly, "I've done you a favor, haven't I?"

He looms over you but all you can do is stand there, frozen by fear.

The man grabs the back of your shirt and pulls you violently from Jay. You try to run back to him, but the man pulls you to him, hugging you tightly. No matter how much you flail in his grasp you can't get away from him. You're left sobbing into his shirt, your body limp in his arms.

"Why?" You manage to whisper.

He holds you to him with one arm and pets your hair with his other hand. "You were miserable. He was making you miserable."

He sighs and kisses the top of your head. What is going on?

"Come on, don't waste your energy on human garbage. I'm here, so it's fine." He states it so 'matter of fact'.

"Who?" Is all you can ask, unable to finish your question.

"I guess I haven't introduced myself yet. Illumi is my name." With ease, he grabs you by your shoulders and lifts your face up to his. "Your future husband."

Chrollo

What more could you ask for? You already have easy college classes, fun parties, a good part time job, great friends, and an amazing best friend. Tonight you're going to hang out with a bunch of friends and have drinks at one of their apartments. It's a pretty normal Thursday night, nothing odd about it.

You're waiting for your best friend to pick you up, he's always there to pick you up on the dot. If he doesn't come early that is. You shove all the essentials into your bag and hear a honk outside. Must be him.

But of course you're always tardy. You lace up your shoes and run out of the dorm room, tripping out of the building. He's watching as you stumble towards the car since one of your shoes is already unlaced. When you finally flop down in the passenger seat he shakes his head with a knowing smile.

"Oh y/n, will you ever be organized?" He asks with amusement.

You click your tongue and straighten out your clothes, "Don't ask such stupid questions."

He turns his body towards you as much as possible and pats his lap. You instinctively know what that means. You hike your foot up above the console and put your foot on his lap. He begins tying your shoe, his smile is unmoving. He's always smiling.

"Chrollo, you don't need to baby me." You roll your eyes and groan.

He laughs and pats your leg, signaling that he's done. "If not me then who?"

You swing your leg back over to your side and buckle up. The two of you hang out a lot. Since you're both going to the hangout tonight, you decided to car pool. But first you're going to go get the alcohol. Everyone has to bring something for everyone, that way you guys can get wasted with no qualms.

You plug your phone into the aux and play your shared playlist. The first song that comes on is "The Cult of Dionysus" by The Orion Experience. Something that he added.

Finally you feel like you can relax, it always feels that way around Chrollo. His presence is just, comforting, in every way. You feel like you can do anything, say anything, ask for anything. He's always there for you with no exceptions and honestly you think you may have feelings for him. But it's a question of are you confusing comfort and friendly affection for romanticism. It's just that he's so perfect, he doesn't have a single flaw. Not one that you've ever seen at least. You probably never will see one of his flaws.

You sink into the seat and sigh.

He looks at you out of the corner of his eye, but quickly looks back at the road. "What's the matter?"

"Oh nothing... Just, everything is good."

He knows you better than anyone, so it's an obvious lie when you say this. "But what?"

Anytime he calls you out, you surrender and tell him everything. "Everything is so great you know." He nods with your statement. "I go to a good school, have good friends, have a good job." This has been on your mind for quite some time.

"Something is missing, you know? The excitement, the... the..." You chuckle and turn towards him and put up jazz hands, "The pizzazz!"

He doesn't turn to look at you but you know he saw you when his smile widens. "I get that. Maybe you just need to step outside of your comfort zone. Do something different."

Do something different? Yeah, maybe that is what you need.

----

All eleven of you are sitting in a circle on the ground, drinking and playing never have I ever. You take a long drink of your Mike's hard lemonade, which is just something to get the night going.

Dina wipes hair from her face and smiles, "Okay okay my turn. So never have I ever.... Uhh." She pops up when she thinks of something, "Never have I ever jumped out of a window."

DJ leans forward and raises an eyebrow, "Okay what kind of window we talking? High up? First floor?"

Dina answers, "Any kind, any kind of window." The majority of you put a finger down which makes the group burst out in laughter.

Your friend Zoey finishes off her bottle and slams it down on the floor. "Let's play something else."

"Like what?" One of your friends ask.

Zoey thinks for a moment, "Like... Truth or dare, spin the bottle. Or maybe eleven minutes in heaven."

Dj interjects, "I think it's seven minutes in heaven, not eleven."

"Oh whatever DJ, they rhyme." Zoey spits back.

Lex answers, "Let's play seven minutes in heaven!"

Of course DJ huffs and rolls his eyes, "What are we? Middle schoolers?"

Guac (which is his nickname) speaks up, "Oh come on, are you shy DJ?"

Finally the quiet Chrollo sitting next to you says something, "I'm not really interested. Right y/n?" He looks at you to back him up.

The group coos at the two of you and someone says, "We get it, you got something going on. The game is just for fun, don't be so serious Chrollo."

Chrollo opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off, "Hey, you told me to do something different. Maybe this is the first step."

His face shows betrayal and you feel a squeeze in your heart.

He stands up and glares at the group, "Whatever." He storms out of the apartment, and everyone mumbles to each other. Chrollo has never acted like this so this is quite a shock to everyone.

In order not to kill the mood you speak up, "Alright, let's pull names out of a hat!"

All of you write down your names on a small piece of paper and put it in a baseball cap. Dina pulls two names out of the hat and of course makes it a dramatic event.

"Alright so first we have the most lovely of people..." She looks at the group like a teacher waiting for an answer from her class. "Gracie!" Everyone claps and she stands up in front of all of you, taking a bow.

Dina pats her thighs rapidly, "Drum roll please!" Everyone obeys her, "The next hot piece of ass is y/n!"

You stand up and curtsey, taking Gracie's hand and leading her to the closet. Dina stands in front of the closet once both of you are inside and grins, "Timer starts now kids." She shuts the door on you two and all of your friends cheer from outside.

Here comes the awkward part. It's too dark to see her expression but you already know she's blushing.

You lean towards her and in a low voice so no one else can hear say, "We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

She shakes her head, and you brush a hand through her dark coils. The both of you giggle when your finger gets stuck in her hair. She leans in for a kiss, but before your lips meet you're interrupted.

The front door is opened and slammed shut, you hear the lock click as well.

"Hey Chrollo, you feeling better?" "What are you doing?" "Holy shit, please, what are you doing?!" "Are you fucking crazy? This isn't funny!"

Something slams against the closet door and Gracie yelps.

"Whoa whoa, we can work something out." They sound desperate "Back up!" You hear a loud thump and then screams. "Grab him guys!" It sounds like people are running around, but soon the screams become not those of only fear but of pain. There are gargled pleas and pathetic whimpers for mercy.

You and Gracie hold each other, gripping onto one another for dear life.

Soon the screams, pleas, thuds, gurgling, all of it ends. The apartment goes quiet and you try to silence your heavy breathing.

There's a loud thud right in front of the closet and then the doors are opened abruptly. There Chrollo is, covered in blood, and you can see the bodies of your friends behind him. Before you can react, he pulls Gracie away from you, slams the doors closed and there's another thud.

Gracie's screams are blood curdling, screeches and cries for help. You try to open the doors but something is blocking it, keeping them closed. As her screams get louder you throw yourself against the doors, trying to push whatever is there out of the way.

Before you can even imagine of getting out, the screams fade out into whimpers, and into nothing.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

You're given no time to think when the doors fly open and you're face to face with Chrollo. He's blocking out the light and his usually neat clothes are crumpled and bloody. You look down to his hands, a sledge hammer hangs from his fingers, dripping with your friend's blood.

"Ch-Chrollo... Please don't." You whisper.

The sledge hammer drops to the ground and he wraps his arms around you gently. "Oh y/n. I would never hurt you."

He's so gentle with you, so gentle. It almost makes you forget what just happened, because he feels like home. "Why? Why did you do this?"

He steps back and grabs your shoulders, he leans down so he's eye to eye with you. "They crossed a line, a line that should not be crossed."

You begin to speak but he grabs your cheeks with one hand and dawns his usual smile, "You don't need them. You have me." He kisses your squished lips as if it were normal. "Right y/n?"

Slowly you nod, you don't need them. If Chrollo says it, it must be true.

"Good girl."

[in-superbloom]

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

[spicynamericano]

Perception. - mk lee

sypnosis: you meet a stranger in the park, who helps you prepare for your interview with renowned author, mark lee.

word count: 2.1k

genre: fluff, strangers to friends!au, author!mark x reporter!reader

a/n: i impulsively wrote this in the wee hours of the morning because i can't stop thinking about mark lee and his poems! btw, this is my first time posting an au on this platform, but i do have ongoing twitter fics (written in eng/fil)!

I had just finished my late night shift at the office and was on my way home from work. Being a field reporter is not an easy job. I have to work my butt off to always stay up to date on the latest news and make sure to grab even the rarest exclusives.

I have to travel to basically anywhere, just to gather the most accurate information for the daily primetime news. And even if work is done for the day, I would usually go overtime to make sure no single detail is left out for tomorrow’s reports.

My workplace isn’t that far from home, or what I call home now. Moving into my elder sister’s old apartment was not a hassle. It was actually quite a blessing since I always used to stay over whenever we visited the city. I really thank the heavens that her place was near my workplace. Imagine the struggle of moving in and out from scratch. Actually, I wouldn’t even dare to imagine.

I would usually ride my bike to and from the office, but since I was running a bit late earlier in the morning, I decided to take the bus. Convenience at its finest. But it’s late now. A fifteen minute walk back home won’t hurt, right? Besides, I needed a breather. A walk in the nearby park would suffice.

It’s midnight and of course, the park is empty. Although Seoul is alive 24/7, I really like how some areas still have that laid-back vibe. I walk to the swings and place my bag on the ground. I do wish someone would push me right now. I just wanna be free from all the hectic stuff I’ve been doing lately.

But no, the quick rest I thought of didn’t stop me from going over tomorrow’s duties. I scan my little, brown notepad and check the work I have yet to accomplish. I mostly finished them before I got off work, but there is one more that I needed to do for tomorrow: interview Mr. Mark Lee, the author of the best-selling Late Night Scribbles.

It’s a collection of poems and prose he’s written over the course of five years during his travels to different cities as a renowned travel writer. His travel reviews and recommendations were something I always looked forward to reading. Maybe someday I could go on a stress-free holiday trip thanks to his advice.

I have read his book. For someone who’s trained into more technical writing like me, I could still clearly resonate with most of the poems he’s written. Not too shallow, not too deep. Though you do need to have a sense of literature in order to understand more of his deeper works. He isn’t famous for nothing.

What appalled me though is that he never showed his face to anyone, not even once. Some say he’s actually the main rapper of the world-renowned boy group NCT, since they bear the same name. I think otherwise. Well, it could be, though. Rappers do make their own lines and tell their own stories.

But I don’t think that Mark Lee would be the same person I’d be interviewing tomorrow. It’s weird because I won’t be actually meeting him face to face. He said he’d rather converse through email. Works for me since I don’t have to travel tomorrow. Thank God.

Well, let me tell you a secret. The reason I don’t think author Mark Lee is singer Mark Lee is because singer Mark Lee is actually my childhood best friend. Crazy, huh? I used to live in Vancouver when I was young until my family and I moved back to Korea during my teen years.

I don’t think he remembers me, though. But I do remember him. Our moms were practically best friends. I couldn’t say the same to us, only if he still actually remembers me.

I stretch my arms up high and bend it side to side. God, I need a massage asap. I was about to pick up my bag when a basketball rolled over and hit the tip of my loafers. A man dressed in black waves from the court, signaling to toss the ball to his direction.

I would toss it if I could but I walk over instead. Blame my poor strength and reflexes. And I obviously do not want to embarrass myself. A rough day’s a rough day. I don’t want an addition.

“Uhm, are you looking for this?” I ask the guy, tossing the ball mid-air.

“Yes, thank you…” he pauses. “uh…”

“Oh, it’s (y/n).” I introduced myself, “And you are?”

“Minhyung.”

“Well, you’re welcome, Minhyung. Good luck with your basketball practice!” I gave him a nod before finally turning back to go home.

“Wait!” he calls out. “Do you maybe wanna have a cup of coffee? There’s a nearby convenience store still open. I figured you might need it.”

Was it that obvious? I can’t imagine how stressed I look right now! He has probably seen the dark circles under my eyes. Gross.

I finally turn around and give him a smile, “You know, maybe I do need it. Let’s go?”

This man and I walk to the nearby convenience store just a few meters away from the court. It’s midnight and not many people are here. Well, just exactly like how I want it. The park can actually become full, even until 10 pm. But I guess these people also need some shut-eye. I’m actually surprised this man right here still has some energy left.

I wait outside and sit at the nearest gazebo while he buys instant coffee for the both of us. He arrives with three in hand. Does he like coffee that much?

“You’re really gonna drink two?” I ask him curiously.

“It’s actually for you,” he says as he hands me one of the cups. “I feel like you’re going to be staying up late tonight.”

Well, he’s right. I am gonna be staying up late. I still need to prepare questions for tomorrow’s, or later, rather, interview. I really won’t be getting some sleep tonight. I also need to do research on him too.

“Well, I do have an interview for tomorrow. I still need to prepare as it’s a very important one.”

“With whom, may I ask?”

“Mark Lee, the author. Not the singer.”

“Oh,” he lets out a soft sigh that can be heard, even through his mask. Is he offended that I don’t think author Mark Lee and singer Mark Lee are the same?

“Why do you sound so disappointed?”

“Uh, nothing. I just remembered the book he recently released. Have you read it?”

“Late Night Scribbles?”

“Yes, that!” he answered enthusiastically. Wow, I guess I found a fan right here. He might actually help me with my interview later. I need to grab this chance.

“Do you mind helping me? I’m actually going to interview him about it tomorrow.” I gave him the widest smile, hoping he’d say yes. I normally wouldn’t do this to strangers, especially at night. But I really just need to get this over with.

“Well, as someone who’s a fan of his works. I’d like to give it a try and interpret it,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Just imagine I’m Mark Lee. Shoot your questions.”

“Hmm, I can’t be answering personal questions since you’re not Mark Lee.” I scratch my head. Damn, I can’t think of anything. My brain is not working right now! “But if you were Mark Lee, what would you want to be asked?”

“If I were Mark Lee? Well, rather than asking what my inspiration was behind the works I’ve made, I’d rather be asked on how I tried to convey my thoughts and feelings to this piece of work,” he explained, staring at the night sky.

I followed the direction of his gaze, and he’s looking at Orion, one of the brightest constellations out there. I gaze at it too while waiting for him to continue explaining.

“But isn’t it basically the same as drawing inspiration from something?” I ask profoundly.

“Not really. You can draw inspiration from anything. And you can come up with different outputs based on one inspiration. What’s important is how you’re able to connect the context of what you’re writing to the feelings you want to draw out,” he continues.

“With a single inspiration, I can come up with two completely different works based on how it’s written. The idea may be the same but the context is not.”

“Hmm, care to explain a little further?” I ask politely.

“We can use Black Socks as an example.”

Black socks are underrated

The way they connect the bottom sleeves of

my black sweatpants to my black sneakers

is just perfect

Pleasure from perfect alignment

That also goes for the ability to be parallel

with my thoughts and actions

I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep

it consistent even when forgotten like a

working habit

A moment to think twice about what

seemed unimportant

Black socks have been making my day

these days and I knew I had to return the

favor by acknowledging them

I throw you in the bin only so that you can

be renewed again

“Black socks, literally an ordinary object that is tossed to the bin right after use. But what caught my eye is his appreciation for this mundane thing.”

“Through his words, you can tell black socks gave him comfort. He used a simple subject to convey his inner thoughts of how every little thing we don’t really recognize can actually be part of our routine, our life,” he said, looking me in the eye seriously.

“He found comfort in the most ordinary things no ordinary person would take notice of.”

Minhyung stands up and stretches his arms. He then continues, “It’s actually cool he shared this piece with us. If I were him, I’d go on and ramble how black socks could ruin my laundry.”

We both chuckle at the thought. It’s true. I hate how some of my black socks actually ruin my laundry. I dread the thought.

“It’s only a matter of perception, (y/n). Sometimes, you have to open your eyes and see, not look. Listen, not hear. Savor, not taste. Feel, not touch.”

“You know, you could actually be Mark Lee himself,” I tease him, “You do know your literature.”

I know he smiled at my remark. I can see his cheekbones rise from the edges of his mask.

“Sometimes, you just have to ask the right questions in order to get the answers you want,” he said teasingly. “You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want.”

For a stranger, he’s indeed a good talker. I actually learned so much from our talk tonight.

“Thanks for tonight, Minhyung. I really learned a lot.” I thank him before gulping down the last cup of coffee he bought me. “And thanks for the coffee, by the way! I now have energy to prepare for my interview later.”

“No problem. I’m just glad that I was able to help.”

I stood up from my seat and we both started walking away from the park.

“It’s 1 am. How are you gonna get home, (y/n)?” Minhyung asks worriedly. Yeah, it is pretty late. It’s a good thing I just live near.

“My apartment’s just two blocks away. I can manage,” I say with a smile, a genuine one at that. “How about you?”

“I’ll just grab a cab. Do you mind if I walk you home?” I don’t know why but I felt flustered for a moment. Surprisingly though, I just nodded my head, giving him permission to accompany me home.

We both arrive at the entrance of my apartment building and we say our last goodbyes.

“For a stranger, you really do know how to make people comfy,” I say, crossing my arms and giving him a stare, brows furrowed to tease him.

“Well, that’s just how I am,” he says while giving me a wink. Okay, now he’s flirting. Someone stop him, please. Just kidding.

“By the way, you haven’t taken your mask off the entire time except when drinking coffee. I couldn’t get a good glimpse at you since it was dark,” I explain. It’s true. Add the fact that I’m barely keeping myself awake the whole time. “I might’ve actually thought you’re an idol of some sort. Perhaps, maybe you are Mark Lee.”

“What?” he asks, puzzled and clearly taken aback. “Why’d you think so?”

“Because you share the same name with him.”

[prodtrouver]

I posted 833 times in 2021

739 posts created (89%)

94 posts reblogged (11%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 2,299 tags in 2021

#[🦋] ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ admin ac - 325 posts

#[👑] — admin answers - 263 posts

#[📂] — asks - 260 posts

#txt imagines - 248 posts

#txt aus - 247 posts

#txt scenarios - 244 posts

#txt ff - 244 posts

#txt fluff - 235 posts

#soobin ff - 117 posts

#taehyun ff - 116 posts

Longest Tag: 85 characters

#he's like the very first bou ive ever had a crush on ever since entering the industry

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ how can I focus when you're like this?

SMUT

See the full post

307 notes • Posted 2021-11-06 10:59:18 GMT

#4

[9:18 pm] You softly let out a grunt as drunk Jisung placed you in his lap just to kiss you. His touch was gentle but he was being too clingy on you.

His lips tasted like alcohol as this was his first time drinking ever since he became an adult. His right hand gripped on your waist while his other was on your shoulder.

His already swollen lips on your swollen ones. Both melting into the kiss as the night progressed. Jisung bit your lips, only to receive a soft sound from you.

"My baby is so cute," he whispered before he planted a kiss on your collarbone. Both of your cheeks were red and you were sweating due to the sudden hotness of the room.

That's when you realized that drunk Jisung is your enemy but also a side you want to see again.

Suddenly, you flinched when someone hit Jisung's head. You pulled back and a pout appeared on his red swollen lips.

"YOU ARE A CHILD!" Jaemin and Renjun shouted.

A/n: no, this was not intended to sexualize Jisung. This is simply just making out and I don't want to sexualize the kid

332 notes • Posted 2021-01-20 10:40:21 GMT

#3

Be The LO♡︎ER To This LO$ER - Choi Beomgyu

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞ ☺︎︎☹︎You were the right person, at the right time... but at the wrong universe.

᯾ sypnosis: beomgyu is an online streamer who streams to escape from his painful life — that was until he was humiliated that brought more chaos into his life. with nothing else to do, he destroys the things he considered his life until he finds a mysterious phone number under a vinyl. with not knowing whose number it is, he would be messaging someone from a parallel universe.

᯾ pairing: choi beomgyu x reader

᯾ genre(s): social media au, parallel universe au, fluff, humor, angst, university/college au

᯾ warning(s): swearing/cursing, abuse, running away from home, injuries;cuts/scars are mentioned, more will be added...

᯾ other(s): memes are used, visible confusion, two members of txt members (except beomgyu)...

᯾ status: finished.

᯾ schedule: undecided :(

᯾ taglist: (send me an ask!)

See the full post

454 notes • Posted 2021-08-19 12:06:11 GMT

#2

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞ ✵ vinyl and coffee — kang taehyun

᯾ sypnosis: yn becomes a song writer and decides to write songs for their school's band; tomorrow x together. they have a special spot in hello future cafe to which yn considered it as their safe place — that is until the band starts hanging out there after their practices — that includes the boy they have a crush on and who made them a song writer.

᯾ pairing: kang taehyun x reader

᯾ genre(s): social media au, university/college au, fluff, humor, angst

᯾ warning(s): swearing/cursing, more will be added

᯾ other(s): mentions of nct dream, a lot of memes, timestamps are not related at all, more will be added...

᯾ status: on-going

᯾ schedule: undecided :(

᯾ taglist: (send me an ask!)

See the full post

523 notes • Posted 2021-07-16 16:07:34 GMT

#1

summary — it's normal to have servants serve you, especially if you are royalty. however, you didn't expect two butlers to be given to you, intead of maids. you learned how to trust them and deepen your connection with him... but it's gotten way too deep.

pairing — butler! jaemin x princess! reader x butler! jeno

genre — slight angst, fluff, personal butlers au, princess x butler au, strangers to friends, slight frineds with benefits, modern royalty, kind of slow-burn

others — mentions sex and threesome (no smut), stripping, a curse word, teasing, paparazzi, bold yet oblivious princess, suggestive moments; helping the other take a bath, make out, seeing the other naked etc..., love bites (hickeys)

word count — 13.6k

moodboard — butler! jaemin ,, butler! jeno

a/n — okay, so this is my longest ff and my first very suggestive one. I hope you guys like it ><

See the full post

554 notes • Posted 2021-07-02 15:40:11 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[dreamslogs]

August 4, 2022: Log #5

☁️Weather: Cloudy with a high of 89, low of 78, humidity of 73%, feels like 97

🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️

💎10:30 AM: I got out of bed, made coffee and talked to my mom about books

💜11:00 AM: I ate breakfast while watching iilluminaughtii videos

I ate vegan chicken nuggets

💎2:00 PM: Getting in the shower and doing my morning routine

💄Todays Makeup

Eyebrows: Kosas Brow Pop Dual-Action Defining Eyebrow Pencil & Kosas Air Brow Tinted Clean Volumizing Eyebrow Gel

Lipstick: Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey

Perfume: YSL Black Opium

🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️

🎵What I listened to while getting ready: Apink - Percent

🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️

💜2:30 PM: Talking to my mom about kpop

💎3:00 PM: Reviewing Japanese vocabulary while watching Act II of Newsies

💜4:15 PM: I got a snack and watched ballet vlogs

I ate chicken and cheese roll ups

💎4:30 PM: Talking to my parents for a while about random stuff

💜6:00 - 7:00 PM: Drinking coffee & reading

💎7:30 PM: Watching Going Seventeen EP.49 while eating dinner

I ate beef stew with rice and a glass of water

🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️

💜8:00 PM: Watching funny SHINee videos & talked to my mom

💎11:00 PM: Do my night routine & get ready for bed

💜11:30 PM: Lay in bed and scroll tumblr

💎12:00 AM: Finish this post and scroll social media until I naturally fall asleep

🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️~🩰~☕️

🖋Notes on the day🖋

I took today very easy because of yesterday, but it was a nice day nonetheless. I’m enjoying my book a lot and had a little dance party listening to Apink! I also was laughing quite a lot and quite hard watching the kpop videos which I definately needed after yesterday so that was nice! I’m going to try to be a little more productive tomorrow but I’m happy with what I did today.

[spencessmile]

Stressed Out

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Reader 

Summary - While trying to complete a final essay, a very stressful Y/N snaps at her boyfriend. 

Warnings - None

Word Count -   1064 words

Shoutout to @spenceneedsahug for the idea! 

And and all imagines/fanfics/blurbs are written solely by me so please don’t steal work and post it without my consent. Happy reading! 

** 

Growing up I always wanted to lived a well balanced life but here I was living the most unbalanced life I could possibly imagine. I worked two jobs, along with completing my third year of university through online classes. Working two jobs and completing online school didn't sound so bad, at first.

From Spence

Hey baby, just wrapped up the case and we're on the jet. We should be home in a couple of hours. Can't wait to see you. I love you! xx  Was the text I received a few hours ago. 

My boyfriend Spencer texted me that him and his team are on their way back home from Los Angeles after being away for a week on a case. Spencer always felt bad for never begin around, I always assured him that I was fine and that his job needed him more then me. He always disagreed with me on that topic. But in this very moment I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him. 

But here I am, coming home from a 10 am to 6 pm retail job to be faced with loads of notes and a blank word document. I sat on the floor of Spencer's study room surrounded by notes and several coffee cups. I was majoring in Political Science but this one specific course was kicking my butt; POLSCI 2M03 - Governance, Representation and Participation in Democracies. I had to write one final essay for the semester and then I would be done my third semester of university. 

I had notes scattered everywhere I didn't even know what I was doing anymore. My eyes scanned my textbook for the millionth time rereading the same paragraphs hoping to pull out some useful information. I rubbed my temples as I felt a headache slowly starting to take over my brain. I shut my textbook and grabbed the coffee cup and walked to the kitchen. I poured myself, god knows my 10th maybe 11th cup of coffee of the day. I always made fun of Spence for drinking too much coffee but him and I both knew that I took the crown for that. 

I grabbed a granola bar from the pantry and headed back into the room. 

"Okay, you have to focus. Come on, you can do this." I told my self as I stared at the word document that only had my name and date on it. I sighed and started typing the first thoughts that came into my head after all the readings I read. I was so into typing I didn't notice when the front door opened and when Spencer entered into the study. My eyes didn't leave my laptop as my fingers continued to type out my thoughts as they flooded out. 

"Hey baby." Spence whispered, softly rubbing your shoulders as he leaned to the side and kissed your temple. "Come on, let's head to bed." 

"Hey. I have to finish this essay." I motioned towards my laptop screen. 

"Baby, it's really late. Besides, you know I don't like sleeping alone." Normally I would drop anything to jump into bed with Spence. When I didn't respond, Spence started to kiss down my neck, slowly making his way down to my shoulders. "It's late and you probably can't concentrate anyways." 

"Spence, please not right now." I pushed him away slightly. 

"This will still be here tomorrow. Come now." He stated, as his lips connected to my neck again. 

"Spence please! I have to have this finished by tomorrow. If you are tired then please go to bed! I will join you once I'm finished. Just leave me alone. Now, please leave!" I snapped. Spence was taken back from my outburst. I felt him pull back and he lingered for a bit before walking out.

A couple of seconds later as soon as I heard the bedroom door close I sighed. 

"Ugh, crap! No!" I muttered knowing that he was hurt by my sudden outburst. Spence was right, I can't concentrate anymore, my brain felt fried. I turned off my laptop, shut my books shut the lights and headed into the bedroom.

The room was dark expect for the small light from the night light. I climbed into bed and sat criss-crossed from Spence, his back was facing me. 

"Love, I'm so sorry." I knew that he was awake. "I've had a really long day and I didn't mean to snap at you." I felt the tears following. He stayed silent for a few seconds. "Please, don't go to be upset at me." As soon as those words followed, Spence sat up and turned on the lamp beside him. 

He pulled me for a hug and rubbed my back as I sobbed into his neck. "Shh, you're okay. I'm here." 

"I-I'm sorry." I sobbed, the words barely above a whisper. 

"I understand baby it's just that I miss you when I'm away. When I get home I don't like seeing you like this. It breaks my heart." 

"I know you don't and I'm sorry." 

"I know this is crunch time for you right now and it's hard." I pull back and Spence smiles. "Statically speaking, lack of sleep and over working yourself can cause high blood pressure, a unhealthy eating pattern and have negative impacts on your lifestyle. A study by Stanford and Harvard business institutions found that working for too long can increase your chance of mortality by at least 20 percent." I smile as it was music to my hears hearing Spence spit out random facts. It was one of my favorite things about him. 

Spence wiped the remaining tears and leaned in for a soft kiss.

"Love I'm really tired and I just to want to cuddle with you." I say. 

"I know, come here beautiful." He laid on his back, as I rested my head on his chest, wrapping my right arm around his torso.

"I love you so much." He kissed my temple as I shut my eyes.

"I love you too." 

[bribe-the-door]

On A Summer Evening

The one where it tastes like strawberries and it’s the end of June

a/n: i’ve been out of the writing game for a while, but with Watermelon Sugar dropping tomorrow... I couldn’t help myself ;) 

Time moves in slow-motion on nights like this.

The warmth of a summer night wrapped you up in its arms even though the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, and a hazy red-orange made it seem as though you were watching the world through rose-colored lenses. A green glass bottle (well, two, actually) sat empty on the table beside you, another “half-full” somewhere amongst your friends.

Laughter echoed off of the rooftop patio and likely annoyed the neighbors, but how were you expected to pass up a night like this? The sun had warmed the air all day, no clouds in sight (save for the wispy ones, now bleeding with sunset), and the best wine had been on sale.

“Hey,” you giggled, the laughs floating up through your chest a hint louder than you would have normally expected. “Give me that.”

You motioned toward the bottle being held hostage by your best friend, Harry. His grip tightened and a playful eyebrow rose in response. The bottle slowly rose to his lips all while maintaining strict eye contact. Your brow furrowed and you reached out toward him, an attempt to swipe the bottle poorly miscalculated.

Harry shook his head and took a delicate sip, making sure to make a scene out of licking his lips and accidentally dribbling some down his chin.

He was such a bastard when tipsy.

“Give it!” You sat forward on the bench, ready to pounce.

“Why should I? Think you’ve had enough, love.”

Love.

You felt your cheeks burn though that name meant nothing more than any other greeting when it came to Harry. “Please?”

Harry shrugged, considering your plea. Another sip from the bottle… another unnecessary lick over his (now wine-stained and very red) lips…

You fell back against the bench and sighed, instead looking straight out toward the setting sun. It was dangerously low in the sky and hardly had any hues other than purple. A few houses were lit up in the distance and the street in front of yours was illuminated by the harsh glow of fluorescent lamp posts. It was quiet for a Friday night in June. 

Something cold touched your lips, and you startled back to reality.

“Drink.”

You turned to see Harry intently watching your face, gesturing with his head to the bottle outstretched in front of him. He touched it to your lips again, and when they parted, tipped the wine into your mouth. It was anything but graceful and you had a similar experience with wine dripping down your chin, to which Harry let out a few bubbly laughs. 

The wine wasn’t chilled anymore, and this bottle was strangely sweet compared to the others. You reached up to your lips to wipe the wine from your face, but Harry beat you to it. A single swipe of his thumb ran over your (still) parted mouth, collecting the stray alcohol. His eyes had an impressive amount of focus in them as he made sure he didn’t miss any, then finally rested his hand on your chin, offering the rest to you. 

It was a tender moment between you two. If it weren’t for the constant drumming of your heart under your ribs, the only sounds would have been a passing car on the street below, or a hushed conversation across the patio between your friends. You hadn’t noticed them for a while, though, and took his thumb between your lips, licking it clean. 

“Good?” Harry asked, a giddy smile. He’d won this fight for now.

You nodded, “Tastes like... strawberries?”

He affirmed your guess with a low “mhm” in the base of his throat, and happily took another drink from the bottle. The both of you fell into a comfortable silence, watching the now-set sun color the night sky with a deep purple. The wine in your system glued you to the bench you sat upon and there was an indescribable contentment in your chest. A light breeze continued to blow over the patio, only now it was much less pleasant, being it was much past 10 PM. 

“You okay?” Harry asked, somehow closer to you now. You found yourself slouched over, leaning embarrassingly close to his side. 

You sat up abruptly, tucking your leg under the other. “Yeah, no. I’m fine.”

“Sure?” He questioned, not quite convinced. 

“Promise.” 

It was an outright lie, but you couldn’t circle back now. The breeze picked up and raised the hairs on your arm. You attempted to conceal a shiver but failed; it couldn’t have been anymore cartoon-ish, and you were sure your teeth would begin chattering soon. Harry turned to set the wine bottle down and soon pushed up from the bench. 

“Where are you going?” 

“To get you a blanket, y/n.” His face looked as though he wanted to add a “duh” at the end of his remark. 

It must’ve truly been late, because your other friends decided to make their way down with Harry to begin the walk home. You waved them off and grabbed the bottle from Harry’s side of the bench before curling back up in your corner. There were only a few more sips left and you downed them without issue. Your head swam with the sudden intake of alcohol but the warmth was nice. 

Moments passed before Harry emerged on the roof again, this time adorned with a hoodie and blanket in hand. He tossed the blanket at you, a shit-eating grin on his face as it smacked you directly in the forehead, and plopped down beside you. 

“Bastard,” you muttered under your breath before setting the empty bottle on the ground beside you. The blanket was a welcome addition to the bench and you took little time to wrap yourself up in it. The dark grey fleece smelled like Harry; a hint of his cologne and coffee, but a surprisingly... fruity-scent, too? Nonetheless, you could feel your feet again. 

You felt Harry’s eyes on you again. Peering out of the corner of your eye, you caught his gaze: a pitiful pout over his lips. 

“Share?” He frowned even more, doing his best “puppy-dog eyes”.

You laughed, again, louder than you would’ve expected, and clapped a hand over your mouth in surprise. His composure broke almost instantly and a fit of giggles was shared between the two of you. The kind where you pause for a moment and catch each others’ expressions, only to continue to laugh even harder. 

“Share?” He asked again, inching himself closer to you. Harry snaked his hand under the edge of the blanket to where you sat cross-legged, palm resting over your knee. When you didn’t answer, he began tracing his fingers over your thigh, moving from their initial place. If you thought you’d had goosebumps before...

Your heart began to thud in your chest again, but moved the edge of the blanket to cover part of his legs, too. His hand stayed put, splayed over your thigh, and his gaze never broke yours. It was overwhelming, being so close to him and surrounded by him, but you didn’t think you minded much. Even with the wine, even with the intimacy brought on by being out in the dark. It was wonderful. It felt warm. 

Harry bit at his lip and you yours, spending a painfully long while studying over each other’s faces. It was as if you’d never seen each other, though surely you had. There was a newfound magnetism in the space separating you both that worked to bring you closer. And closer. And closer. 

His lips were sweet with the strawberry wine from earlier, and you imagined yours tasted similar. Harry was gentle in the way he moved; his lips, the hand on your thigh, turning ever-so-slightly toward you on the bench. He kissed you first but in no time at all, you were kissing him. The hand that’d once helped share the blanket was intertwined in the curls at the nape of his neck, keeping him close and causing his lips to part in curiosity. 

The hand on your thigh moved to your hip instead, pulling you in. He wanted you closer. You wanted him closer, too, but there wasn’t enough room on this goddamn bench and the blanket was getting tangled up between your legs and then–

His forehead was resting on yours, a series of shallow breathes shared in the silence of the rooftop patio. You willed your heart to slow down, but to no avail. The both of you sat like this for some time, catching your own breaths and trying to configure a coherent sentence. It wasn’t an easy task, but especially not in these circumstances. 

Harry spoke first: “I... I’m just thinking out loud, here,” he started.

You felt him pull away and met his gaze. His cheeks were even more flushed than they’d been earlier in the night. Looks of nervousness and a hint of innocence showed across his features. You waited for him to continue, signaling with a nod and reaching your hand toward his. He took it gladly. 

“But, that wasn't... weird, right?”

You shook your head “no”. 

A look of relief washed over his face, a weight lifted from his shoulders. “Oh, good, because I was convinced you’d say ‘of course, Harry, we’re friends, that was horrible’ or blame it on the wine, which would be fine because I’d feel terrible if you hadn’t wanted it–!”

“Harry.”

He looked up, pausing mid-sentence. 

It was your turn to stutter over your words, wine making you ramble more easily than normal. “I liked it, I promise. I did kiss you back, yeah?”

Harry laughed, shrugging his shoulders playfully to agree. “Definitely not just a peck, if you will.”

You threw a shove in his direction, “Don’t be cocky.”

“She likes kissing me!” He sang into the darkness of the night, “Did y’hear that, world? She likes kissing–!”

He was right, but you couldn’t let him get away with it just yet, and you planted another one on him. This time, it was more of a peck. A very sloppy, wine-influenced, peck. Harry was the type to truly sing his heart out to the entire universe if you’d let him. 

“See?” You challenged. “Kissed you back, again.”

He smirked, “I know.”

Harry leaned in close, pressing a sincere kiss to your lips. “...’m glad you liked it. Not sure I could ever go without doing that again.”

______________________________________________

note to readers: ... yes it was a typical best-friends-to-lovers (?) trope, but I couldn’t help myself. this was a short one and I’m hoping that maybe I’ll get some more posted, too. let me know what you think and thank you (thank you THANK YOU) for reading. also, thanks for being patient with me. it’s been a while but so so good to be back :) LOVE YOU ALL TO BITS

[phcking-detective]

MasterList 2.0

Kiss Prompt Series (all PG)

Angry Kiss – Gavin chases after a perp without backup and gets shot multiple times. He can’t believe his asshole android partner is staying behind to help him instead of catching the perp, but maybe RK900 cares more than he thinks. Maybe a lot more …

Reunion Kiss – Nines returns a day early from an intensive case and stops by Gavin’s favorite coffee shop to get his boyfriend a treat. But Gavin is already there and apparently has the same idea.

Awkward Forehead Kiss – Nines takes care of his sick human partner as best he can, but all human media seems to indicate sick humans need forehead kisses to feel better. Too bad he doesn’t know how to kiss. Luckily, Gavin is happy to help teach him.

Forced Kiss – Nines attempts to break up with Gavin for the detective’s own good. That goes about as well as you’d expect. (NO non-con! Gavin just kisses Nines in the middle of his mental breakdown while he tries to self-isolate.)

Drunk Kiss – Connor and Hank bring in a box of Sumo’s puppies to the precinct Christmas party. When two go missing, Nines tracks them down to find … Detective Reed? He did not realize his maladjusted human partner could be so gentle.

Forehead Kiss – human!Richard is having a bad mental health day and gloomily declares he needs serotonin. android!Gavin and himbo extraordinaire offers to go to the grocery store and get him some.

***

Extra Drabbles (all PG or Teen)

HOT SINGLE ANDROID IN YOUR AREA – Gavin keeps getting spam pop-ups on his computer about hot androids who want to fuck. Until he finally notices they’re now only talking about one single android in particular. Who could it be?

Dumb Ways to Deviate: Cheeseburger – Nines takes Gavin out to eat as a reward for solving a case they’ve been working on for the past 36 hours. When the exhausted human tries to feed him, Nines suddenly experiences–[feelings]??

crush.exe –Nines thinks Gavin is cute. But that’s just objective fact, right? Anyone would think he’s cute. Tina disagrees and diagnoses him with something called a “crush.”

INTRUDER ALERT – Nines visits Gavin’s apartment to discuss a case, but there is an [INTRUDER] wearing an ingenius chocolate scrub mask that confuses his facial recognition software.

Find Familiar -- Nines is the most brilliant wizard of their generation, and when they summon their familiar for the first time, they expect some sort of unique and brilliant creature. Not a short, angry little man with a facial scar and bare feet banging on their door three days later.

Bathtime -- Nines isn’t spoiled, and if he is, it���s only because Gavin keeps giving him everything he asks for. Like “help” washing his hair in the bath.

Love Letter -- Gavin receives an anonymous letter detailing how the sender wants to analyze his skin and catalog his teeth. The two suspects? Well, it was obviously either written by Detroit’s latest serial killer or ... Gavin’s own partner.

Not Alone -- After Gavin gets shot in the side, falls off a building, and breaks two of his limbs, Nines is desperate to see him the moment he's out of surgery. Except the hospital he's at has a "legal family members only" visitation policy to keep out androids. In desperation, Nines calls a very old emergency contact number that lists "Eli Reed" as Gavin's brother--only to suddenly be on the phone with Elijah Kamski himself.

Happiness is a Jealous Android -- Gavin starts hanging out with a new GJ500 for smoke breaks, mutual bitching about work, and maybe a little light flirting. Him and Nines haven’t discussed the thing they have going, and Nines has been busy anyway, so a little flirting is OK, right? Except for when the other android won’t take no for an answer ...

Dumb Ways to Deviate: Birds -- An argument between RK900 and Gavin on whether bats are mammals or birds leads to ... well. What it says on the tin.

updated list of fics in my main reed900 series under the cut!

Reed900 Main Series (all Explicit)

In the Beginning -- 7k words; RK900 follows the orders [stay in room 6459] and [do not interfere] while deviants attack and shut down Cyberlife, and it’s not because he’s “petty” as the deviant Connor accuses. If Cyberlife wanted its help, they should not have forgotten the unit in a storage closet.

Fight Club (but Explicitly Gay This Time) – 2k words; RK900 decides to “discipline” Gavin in the DPD men’s bathroom by spanking and stepping on him. Unfortunately, the disgusting little human actually enjoys it.

Fast and Furious – 5.5k words; Nines notices how competent Gavin is at driving. In fact, he’s noticing a lot about Gavin, which is unfortunate, because he doesn’t know what it means. Maybe slapping the human more will help …

Ain’t Got Time to Bleed – 27k words; Gavin and Nines engage in exciting new activities, like solving a case together, going out for drinks, hustling at pool. Specifically, Nines gets hustled by Gavin, but he pays it back tenfold in the alleyway afterward.

First Blood – 129k words; Gavin and Nines get caught up in a case that’s a lot more complicated than it seems as they run into a Ponzi scheme and a staged suicide, an attempted murder on the journalist who broke the story, and a mysterious android manipulating it all. Even worse, they’re starting to actually kind of like each other too. But will their partnership be strong enough to get them through kidnapping, torture, and safe / sane / consensual sex?

If It Bleeds -- 14k, ongoing; While dealing with the fallout of the WJ700 case, Gavin and Nines also get assigned to the new Android Task Force when they start investigating on their own anyway. But their cases get more complicated as both the IA and FBI hold a grudge, Nines makes new sexual explorations of his own, and Gavin’s ex-boyfriend attempts to reconnect …

***

Bonus HankCon Fic (Explicit)

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This – 66k; Connor determines co-sleeping with Hank will be a productive, healthy venture–and step one on his three year plan to seduce Hank. Unfortunately for him, Hank is a gay, self-destructive old man who manages to fuck up The Plan by both already being in love with him and also refusing to acknowledge that. (75% domestic fluff, 24% sex at the end, 1% Sumo eating food he’s not supposed to)

***

Patreon (shameless promotion)

If you love my reed900 series and want to get chapters sooner, like my drabbles and want patreon-exclusive bonus content, and chapters from THREE of my WIPS, the tiers are $1 / $2 / $3 per chapter, respectively. I post chapters once a week on Sunday ^^

I also take commissions: $10 for 1k / $25 for 3k / $40 for 5k, NSFW and kink friendly, limits are no incest, pedophilia, or rape scenes. just PM me or email arthurofcamelot4@gmail.com if you’re interested ^^

[lilysdaydreams]

“But we’re happy (and that’s all that matters)”

Synopsis:

“Taehyung called them the least romantic couple in the world.

otherwise known as five times the boys thought that they were the least romantic couple in the world and the one time Namjoon knew they weren't. ”

A/N : I wrote this a while ago and since I’m going to be getting back into writing, I decided to post it here. I hope you enjoy 💛 (I’m posting from my phone so the formatting might suck sorry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taehyung called them the least romantic couple in the world.

1

At 11.00 pm on a Tuesday night, the seven members of Bangtan were all sitting in a circle in the middle of their living room. “Descendents of the Sun” was paused on the TV and Namjoon rolled his eyes when they fell upon it. Taehyung was once again mourning the breaking up of the song-song couple for the 8th time that year. Taking a deep breath, he turned his attention back to the boys sitting in a circle. Namjoon had called a group meeting 10 minutes ago on their kakao chat, saying that he had “something important” to discuss. Most of the boys were in the living room so they only had to wait for Hoseok to finish showering and now it had been exactly 1 minute and 43 seconds of absolute silence.

Jin finally broke the silence, looking up from his phone and aiming an exasperated look at Namjoon. “What is it?” He demanded, putting the phone into his pocket.

Namjoon clenched and unclenched his hands for something to do. He wasn't that nervous, he knew none of the boys would have huge reactions or hate them or anything but it was still a little nerve racking.

“Um, I have something to tell you” he finally managed to get out. A cough from his side made him look up into Yoongi's face, whose eyebrows had ridden up in question. Oh right.

“Sorry. Um, we have something to tell you” he said pointing to Yoongi and himself. Yoongi moved slightly closer to him, not touching but close enough that his presence managed to somewhat calm Namjoon down.

Looking around the circle, he could see Jungkook’s confusion and Tahyung, who was leaning on Jimin, looking between them with calculating eyes.

With a deep breath, he decided to just blurt it out.

“Yoongi and I are dating.”

There were a few seconds of silence and then,

“Huh” said Hoseok, leaning back onto the leg of the couch and flickering his eyes between them both. “I don’t see it’

That broke the rest of the boys out of their shock and suddenly all of them were talking at once.

“What? No way!” yelled Jimin, his eyebrows raised high. At his side, Jungkook simply cocked his head as if he was confused as to how this could happen. Taehyung had stuttered over “w-wait what?” as Jin had started laughing and then stopped when he realised they were being serious.

5 minutes later, Hoseok was still muttering about “how he just didn't see it”

Namjoon furrowed his brows. “What do you mean, you dont “see it”” he said making his fingers into bunny ears to emphasize the words.

“I mean, you're not that affectionate y'know. I’ve never seen you and Yoongi hug or cuddle, not like Jimin and Jungkook do at least.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Nmajoon shrugged, “It’s not like being affectionate is the most important part of relationships. We respect each others space and we know that we’re there for each other. If you think about it, showing love through grand gestures is mostly for the societies benefit. Most of the time couples only do big romantic gestures because they have this pressure on them to be romantic and to show that they're in love, which is even more highlighted due to the amount of romance dramas and sho - “

Jin threw a pillow at Namjoons head, effectively getting him to shut up.

And that was that.

2

Namjoon rolled his shoulders and groaned as the sound of cracking bones filled the studio. It was 4 in the morning and his eyes were struggling to stay open. Deciding to call it a day, he rolled his chair over to the couch where Jungkook was laying half on the couch and half on the floor. A kick to the shin and the half that was on the couch had also fallen on the floor.

“Get up, let's go home” Namjoon mumbled, shaking his legs to get rid of the pins and needles. Jungkook groaned and started stuffing the papers on the table into his backpack. He had been here for the past 4 hours with Namjoon, trying to finish the song he had been stuck on for a few weeks now.

They ran the five minute walk from the studio to the dorm, arriving in 3 minutes instead. The warm air enveloped them and Jungkook immediately went into the kitchen to rummage for food.

“Hey hyung” said Namjoon to Yoongi, slipping into the armchair closest to him and grabbing the blanket on the floor. The scene was extremely similar to the one in the studio. Yoongi was sitting on the floor, with scrunched papers all around him and a pen in his mouth. Grunting in response to Namjoons greeting, he rolled his shoulders and rested his head back onto the couch.

“You know, I don't get it.”

Namjoon tilted his head back to look at Jungkook, who was holding half a banana and staring at them both in confusion.

“Don't get what?” muttered Yoongi, starting to gather the papers around him.

“It's been three months since you guys came out about you dating, and I have never seen you hold hands!” said Jungkook, his voice getting higher at the end.

Namjoon exchanged a bewildered look with Yoongi.

“Are you like just shy? Or do you just never wanna hold each others hands?” he said furrowing his brows.

“Well” Namjoon began hesitantly, “What's the point?”

When Jungkook continued to stare at him, he hastily added “I don't need to hold his hand to show everyone we’re in a relationship.”

“That's not the point! It's not marking each other or something, it's just wanting to be near each other because you love each other.”

Yoongi grunted from where he was putting all the papers in the bin. “We’re in the same room. And we literally live together. We’re practically together 24/7.”

Jungkook groaned and stalked off to his room, muttering about stupid idiots and how he shouldnt have bothered.

3

They don’t kiss hello or goodbye. They don't cuddle much either and are perfectly happy to ignore each others presence for a few hours.

“Why are you even together?” Jimin demanded after spending a week sharing a hotel room with them. They had come to shoot a magazine cover, just the three of them, for their upcoming collaboration, and the company had just booked a bg suite for all three of them.

“What’re you on about?” yawned Yoongi as he took another sip of his coffee. Namjoon stood up to grab him another one as he saw Yoongi throw the plastic cup in the bin. He could probably make decaf so that Yoongi wouldn't be up the whole night.

“For all the romance you have, you might as well go back to being friends. You can sit in the same room and sit in silence without needing to be in a relationship.” Jimin continued, drinking his protein shake from the straw. It was green and had black dots in it and Namjoon was gagging just looking at it.

“Cmon Jimin” he muttered, trying to find the sugar in the cupboard.

“No, I'm serious!” countered Jimin. “You sit on the sofa, Yoongi's at his desk and you don't speak to each other for hours - you may as well be alone, not in love. I swear, I haven't seen you kiss all week. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship? I'm speaking as a friend, I don't want you to sell yourself short, or just be in a relationship because it's convenient.”

Two pairs of eyes glared at him as if daring him to keep going.

“You’re an idiot” said Namjoon exasperatedly, placing the coffee cup by Yoongi as he walked by and slumping onto the sofa. “How would I get any work done if all I did was hug and kiss Yoongi. How would he be able to compose if I just held his hand all the time?”

“Oh forget it, you're both hopeless.” Jimin muttered, turning back to his phone.

Namjoons phone pinged a second later, lighting up with a new message.

MIN : i can literally taste the difference between decaf and caf, youre not subtle.

Namjoon smiled.

4

“Are you just like, really kinky in bed?”

Yoongi choked on a piece of watermelon, tears automatically coming to his eyes. Thumping him on the back, Namjoon glared at Jin from over Yoongi's shoulder.

“What the fuck?” He hissed at Jin, as Yoongi caught his breath and started to also glare at Jin.

“Don't swear at me, I'm your hyung.” Jin retroted without any heat and then took another bite of his ice cream tub. They were supposed to be on a diet but Jin had decided that he would just go to the gym and burn extra calories in the morning. Yoongi and Namjoon had both exchanged a look at that. The excuse had been used the past 3 days and Jin hadn't even made it to the elevator in the mornings.

“I mean, your sex life has to be really kinky right? You're so vanilla in front us, I bet you’re freaks in th -” Two cushions smacked him in the face causing him to drop the ice cream tub and then scrambel to pick it up so it didn't drip on the carpet.

“Yah!” he wailed as he picked up the tub and started fussing over it, forgetting about Yoongi and Namjoon.

5

They don't celebrate Valentines Day.

A few days earlier, Taehyung and Yoongi had been sitting in the living room. Yoongi was on his phone and when Taehyung had called out a tentative “Hyung?” he had looked up and raised his eyebrows at him.

“What are you getting Namjoon hyung for valentines?” he had asked more excitedly, now knowing that he wasn’t annoying Yoongi.

Yoongi's eyebrows furrowed for a second. “Nothing,” he said, turning back to his phone. “We don't celebrate Valentines Day”

“Why?” asked Taheyung, a pout clear on his face. How could they not celebrate Valentine's Day? It was the day of love and romance and couples practically lived for it.

Waving a hand, Yoongi just muttered “ask Namjoon”, already sucked back into whatever game he was playing.

5 minutes later, Taehyung regretted asking at all.

“Valentine's Day is simply a consumer oriented holiday that puts pressure on couples and their relationships. It's a capitalistic holiday that signifies that material goods are more important than emotio -”

+ 1

(Despite what Jungkook had seen or not, they do hold hands. When the Grammy nominations come out, they hold hands under the table, intertwined in such a way that Namjoon can't tell which fingers are his. Jimin might think they don't kiss, but he isn't there at one in the morning, when Yoongi's lips press lightly over Namjoons. They press on one cheek and then the other and then on his nose, his eyes, and finally a soft kiss, placed on his forehead, with Yoogni breathing out the words “I love you” before he settles down to sleep next to him. They tell Jin that whatever they do in the bedroom, is no ones business except their own. In truth though, they don't do much that would be interesting for him. They make love, Namjoon being gentle and caring and repeating “I love you” at least 50 times throughout the entire ordeal. They don't celebrate Valentines day, but they do celebrate their anniversary. Yoongi sneaks him out to the convenience store and they get banana milk and sit at the edge of the curb, their sides pressed against each other, speaking in whispers. They smile as they remember being here one year earlier, promising to themselves to try.)

Taehyung called them the least romantic couple on earth.

Namjoon knew he was wrong.