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#Pole Vault Calendar
vaultermagazine · 3 months
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Inland boys high school track and field leaders, April 3 - Evan Kim and Bennett Jeppsen
Inland boys high school track and field leaders, April 3. Kim 15’0 and Jeppsen 13’6″ Here are the Inland boys track and field leaders through meets of April 2. Marks are for the current season and for participants representing their high schools. Marks before the official start of the CIF Southern Section season (February 17) and ones set while competing unattached or for club teams are not…
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zamgoods · 10 months
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BRICS Announces New Currency to Replace the Dollar
 Wednesday August 23. 2023  235th day of the year in the Gregorian calendar; 130 days remain. Waxing crescent Illumination 41% Shadow is 59% 6.5 days old.  almost half and half.
https://brics2023.gov.za/ 
BRICS dollars will be called to replace US dollar is back by Gold. I bricd to 55 usd. So of course the gold brick comes to mind.  Recently a guy named Bank-fried talks about his Vegan unfriendly menu in NY prison.  Bread and Water.  Like the Lord’s Prayer.  And bread is code for money.  Come on with the name codes.
in 2012 I dreamt of new currency headed by china-? in maroon and gold colors called moon to moon.  seems to be a profit see.  since russias Luna-25 crashed into the moon 2 days before Brics summit 8/22-24 2023. India will land their’s today and win the race to the Southern pole of the Moon. *https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6fYgpt-4kg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQKSASFdoDw
In my opinion these are Dart Missions.  Recently a Pokemon Go game happened this weekend and weeks ago a Galaxy Defender game in Times Square.  India wants to land on today. Chandrayaan. Sanskrit word that translates to Moon vehicle or Moon craft
Venus point on 8/13. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umPFcImienQ  five days after Maui Lahaina blaze, which razed the locals homes. Montgomery, Alabama brawl on 8/5. Trump (mr. Biggs money man) indicted in Georgia.  To be arrested today.  Rudolph Guiliani.
TAylor Swift/ Swift system in the Vault. The flash movie.  SZA SOS says August on her motor cycle 911 for KILL BIll song kill her X and his new girl.  Tomatoes/spaghetti.
Indiana Jones time machine with Teddie as Short round character reboot.  Ted a thyroid eye dis-ease or financial tool.  Ted spread is the difference between Libos and USD interest rates which indicate risk in loans of the T-bills US treasury bills.  
So to kill bill.  T bills maybe.  Bill gates.  Billie in National Treasure kills Salazar who tried to destroy the treasure gaureded by the Daughters of the Plumed Serpent.  Current US Treasurer is a Mohegan Chief, and possible daughter of Feathered Serpent,  Marilynn Roberge Malerba (born August 17, 1953).  Sacajawea on $1 gold colored coin.
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https://sacagaweadollarguide.com/
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De-dollarization on the brink
Underworld
Dis Pater Pluto Hades
Prosperina, Persephone,  hecate? bats 1/3 spring above 2/3 below
Angels in the Outfield/May-tricks, matrix.  Wading in the Waters
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adrianoantoine · 3 years
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Brazilian Days (204): July 23
Brazilian Days (204): July 23
  Brazilian Days 204 July 23 . DAY OF: Dia do Guarda Rodoviário (Highway Patrol Man). On July 24, 1928, president Washington Luíz created the Polícia Rodoviária Federal. Initially, this unit was called ‘Polícia das Estradas’ (Road Police). The first highway patrol man was Antônio Felix Filho, nicknamed ‘Turquinho’. He started his job on July 23, 1935. He and his colleagues were called…
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irene-sadler · 3 years
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Sir Reynard and the Red Knight
(aka 'The Tournament')
special notes:
the vibe i chose for this imaginary fair/holiday is a mashup of pieces from medieval christmas and new year's eve celebrations. ofc as I mentioned before most of those were Christianity-based, but some of them had a distintly pre-Christian Anglo-Saxon pagan flavor. now my source material here is from 1827, but the author makes sure to let us know which traditions (he thinks) are older than Christianity. the book (books actually, there's 3 of them total) itself is also kind of a fun read, it's sort of a combo of an almanac/calendar/reference guide/gossip column.
a n y w a y, so, specifically i want to mention (b/c i stole them for this story and i don't want to do that without letting ppl know these are or were real traditions that real people observed) serving a boars' head on christmas day (Essex, England, observed "from time immemorial"), the wassail bowl/toast (a new year custom very definitely from before Christianity and apparently present in various parts of Europe altho I don't have the specific expertise to explain why), and an interesting/weird/gruesome Christmas parade (Kent) which the book describes: "A party of young people procure the head of a dead horse, which is affixed to a pole about four feet in length, a string is tied to the lower jaw, a horse cloth is then attached to the whole, under which one of the party gets, and by frequently pulling the string keeps up a loud snapping noise." This is called a Hodening and whether or not ppl still do it I don't know but, uh, i hope so b/c awesome.
also theres only 1 chapter left if u stuck with it this whole time or, idk, it's 2024 and u read the whole thing at once thanks for bothering love u
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9.
     “Yes, hello,” Gascon said, pretending not to notice Meve’s displeasure. “Good afternoon, ladies,” he added, as the Baroness and Giselle turned to look curiously down at where he stood in the shadows. The Baroness frowned and pursed her lips judiciously; Giselle considered him and glanced uncertainly at the older women.
    “Anyway,” he continued, an edge of urgency buried in his easy tone, “Do you have a minute to spare?”
    “No,” the Queen said stiffly, turning back toward the empty lists. “I’m busy; whatever it is will have to wait until later.”
    “Oh,” he replied, growing very faintly annoyed, “Because it’s about that thing you wanted last night; just thought you’d be interested t’ know I’ve done it.”
    She hesitated, ignoring the Baroness’s raised eyebrow and Giselle’s uncomfortable confusion, struggled momentarily between curiosity and base pettiness, and finally said, “Yes, fine; I have a few minutes, I suppose.”
    “Fifteen minutes,” the Baroness said, pointedly.
    “No time to waste, then,” said Gascon; he winked at Giselle, who took her cue from the Baroness and frowned disapprovingly back at him, and they hurried off.
    “So, what is it, then?” Meve asked bluntly, as they turned into the town’s streets at a rapid stroll. “I assume you’ve caught the saboteur, else you wouldn’t have bothered me.”
    “Well, I caught Gaheris; he may be the saboteur, or may not,” Gascon said, disregarding her tone. “Gaspar thinks he is, though, and he’s th’ only one who saw th’ intruder close up last night, so odds are good he’s your man.”
    “Really?” She abandoned her moodiness in favor of mild surprise, and then asked, “When did this happen?”
    “Oh, only about an hour ago. Less, even. Seemed like there was no real need for a public scene, so I just had him snatched off the street and, you know - stashed somewhere convenient,” Gascon explained, leading the way down an alley and into a butcher. The owner nodded and smiled to him as he passed through the door and headed toward the back, spotted the Queen, and instantly looked away at nothing in particular. Pug and Gaspar waited in the yard behind the shop, standing guard over a man with a bag on his head and a bandage around his left ankle. Gascon nodded at Pug and she yanked the bag away; Gaheris squinted in the light and surveyed his surroundings - two large, brightly interested pigs in a pen, his sinister pair of captors, and, finally, Meve and Gascon. He sighed.
    “Got ‘im in one piece, as you wanted,” Pug announced in her gruff voice; a dubious claim, as Gaheris had a black eye and a split lip, but Gascon nodded approvingly and jerked his thumb over his shoulder, toward the shop.
    “Wait inside for a bit,” he said; Pug and Gaspar departed, leaving their captive to his deserved fate.
    “Now, sir,” Meve said briskly to Gaheris; if she had any doubts about his culpability, she kept them firmly to herself. “Let’s not waste time with falsehoods or denials.”        
    “No,” he said, resignedly, “Doesn’t seem to be much point in trying.”
    “Quite. So, explain what it is you’ve been up to, then.”
    “Start with last night,” Gascon added, as the squire took a few too many seconds to think it over. “Hurry up.”
    “Ah, well. I was trying to get hold of a piece of equipment I knew was among Sir Odo’s things in the barn,” he said. “The girth from a saddle.”
    “Continue,” the Queen said, as he paused, clearly thinking the question answered.
    “Well, obviously I didn’t get it, since that - that thug sliced my ankle t’ the bone when I tried. Seems the girth held up, though, regardless, through today; probably because Sir Odo don’t take many hits, luckily for him.”
    “No, it’s because I found it last night and changed it out for a new one,” Gascon said, angrily. “You’re the one who cut it, are you?”
    Gaheris nodded.
    “I knew it,” the Duke muttered; Meve waved his self-congratulatory comment away, scowling.
    “When did you do it?”
    “Oh, a month ago, or more,” he said. “Just before the duel against Sir Holt.”
    “Why?”
    He blinked at the question and said, as if it was obvious, “Because Sir Holt told me to, in hopes he’d win.”
    “You did a bad job, then,” Gascon snapped; Gaheris looked mildly offended.
    “No,” he said. “No, I didn’t. The girth held, did it not? Sir Odo won - or, well he could have, if he’d wanted to.”
    He looked at his interrogators’ baffled stares, and then explained, patiently, “Look - I cut through the leather, left just enough to hold a strain for a good while, glued it so it’d look like nothing, and told Holt I’d done what he wanted. Simple. I just didn’t have the chance to get it back, after the fight; too many people hanging around who might’ve seen me. If I had done, nobody would have been the wiser.”
    Meve stared at him, torn between confusion and anger, opened her mouth, and closed it again as an echo of distant horns bounced off the buildings.
    “Damn,” she said. “I have to go. Gascon, find Sir Holt.”
    “What should I do with him?” he asked, as she turned to leave; she hesitated, considered her options, and came to a hasty decision.
    “Just keep tabs on him, don’t let him leave town, and - and we’ll sort this mess out, later.”
    “You’ll find him in the tavern, no doubt,” Gaheris said wearily to Gascon, as she quickly departed.
      She nearly ran back through the streets, but she was still late; she returned to the lists to find the Baroness had started the final round without her. However, she she was in time to see Nolda avoid an immediate defeat by the same method she had used on Sir Eres, but Reynard survived her trick, when his fellow knight hadn’t. She nodded in satisfaction at the display.
    “Your man is a quick study, as he’s always been,” said the Baroness, as if Meve had never been away. The next pass involved no deceptions from either side, nor any displays of brilliance; Nolda blocked an ordinary sort of attack on her shield, and never touched Sir Odo.
    “He’s testing the waters,” Meve said, slightly bored with her favorite’s typically cautious tactics. “How long have they been at it?”
    “You only missed one pass; the foreigner’s better at this than I expected.”
    “She’s tricky,” Giselle noted, appreciatively. “What’s the Count doing, there?”
    There was a short pause; Meve glanced downfield and answered, “Oh, he wants a different lance, I imagine.”
    The delay took a full half minute, due to some confusion on Ethan’s part; the Baroness mumbled a displeased remark about the squire’s ineptitude, and then the combat began again.
    “He wants to make up for Nolda’s left-handedness,” the Baroness explained, louder, “That’s what the long spear is for. Most people don’t learn to fight the way she does -”
    She broke off; Reynard’s change of weapon had answered, and he had dealt a strike that had nearly unseated his opponent; she managed to stay in the saddle by luck or skill and they lined up again.
    “He has her figured out; this’ll be th’ end of it,” said Meve. The Baroness nodded agreement. Giselle looked unconvinced, but, in the end, Reynard landed a direct attack to his opponent’s helm and Nolda crashed to earth at long last.
    “A devilishly difficult play,” the Baroness said, in the silence that followed. “Dangerous, too.”
    Reynard had turned to look behind himself, before his horse had even reached the end of the barricade; Nolda lay still on the ground for a few moments, and then, as her husband vaulted the fence and came running toward her, stirred and sat up. She waved an irritated hand at Bohault and Reynard, who had trotted back and dropped from his horse as soon as he was rid of his lance, but neither paid attention to her gestures or her repeated insistence that she was perfectly fine. The crowd’s general din returned, drowning out their conversation; Meve breathed a relieved sigh and reluctantly turned her thoughts back to Gaheris and Sir Holt, and then - she frowned slightly - Gascon’s mysterious absence during the day.
    “Pity you can’t make her a knight,” Giselle said, of Nolda, interrupting her consideration; Meve’s frown grew thoughtful.
    “A knight,” she repeated to herself, under her breath, watching the muddle on the field break up - Reynard back to his horse, Bohault and Nolda to hers - a vague connection, or suspicion, growing in the back of her mind. She turned abruptly to the Baroness, interrupted an ongoing reminisce on the handful of times she’d seen another knight employ a tactic similar to Reynard’s winning strike, and said, “Listen, Hilde - the black knight; do you know who he is?”
    The Baroness hesitated, slightly confused, and replied, choosing her words carefully, “I believe so, but - wasn’t that what you and the Duke spoke about?”
    “No,” the Queen said, disgruntled. “No, it wasn’t.”      
    “Ah,” she said, looking away toward the approaching victors, “Well, perhaps you should. Count Odo, congratulations on another victory; well fought, Nolda. My lord, you’ve won quite a fine horse, I believe, and you, madam, a sword. They’ll be bringing them along shortly.”
      Any personal urgency she felt to finally sort out her ongoing affairs was wasted; the prizes took very little time to hand out, but a number of unrelated problems were brought to her individual attention as soon as the victors rode away. She sent Giselle back to her tavern with genuine gratitude for her service, dealt out various solutions, and then at last she and the Baroness set off toward the castle. The streets of the city were packed, twilight was setting in, and there was no way to hurry their progress no matter how their guard tried. A wagon that had lost a wheel blocked the way, first, and then a succession of other disruptions: a traveling comedic play about a sorcerer and some maidens, some cows wandering loose in the street, a troupe of drunken minstrels playing festive tunes, a strange procession led by a solemn youth holding a freshly cut horse’s head mounted on a pole as a banner, a group of offended clerics in its wake, handcarts selling buns and ale, and, finally, on the bridge over the castle moat, an armored knight still on his charger, who would not be shifted by man or beast until Meve stepped out of the torchlit crowd and threatened to remove him herself.
    Then there was yet another feast, this time held in the hall and attended by more of the usual crowd - but, of course, with the horde of knights and sundry that had participated in the jousts, somewhat more of them than normal. There were the typical, expected customs - a boar’s head served, bowls of spiced ale passed around, a number of favors and pardons bestowed, gifts received (and given; Count Odo, for one, courteously gave the warhorse he’d won earlier in the day to Nolda, who accepted it in a fiercely embarrassed but otherwise gracious fashion) - and various other ancient rituals observed.
    “I would’ve asked if you thought giving her the horse was a good idea,” Reynard said privately to the Queen, during the Mayor’s inevitable remarks, “But I didn’t catch you in time. If I’m honest it’s less a gift and more a bribe, of a sort; Ethan’s left-handed, same as her, and I thought it might make it easier to convince her to teach him.”
    “There were some delays getting back,” she replied, also in an undertone, her eyes resolutely fixed on the speaker as he recited a hopeful list of future developments for the upcoming year. “This whole afternoon’s been nothing but delays, in fact.”
    “I’ll tell you about it later,” she added, quickly, as the speech ended, aimed a quick but pointed glance at the distant Gascon, who immediately slipped out a side door, and then dismissed the court in the exact words she’d recited for ten years, and, before her, her late husband, and his father, and their distant grandfathers, for all of remembered history.
      Finally getting rid of her guests took much longer than the traditional close to the winter solstice did. As a result, it was past midnight before she made the solitary climb up the stairs to her office, looking forward to finally having a quiet minute to think. However, Reynard and Gascon - and Gaheris - were within, despite the late hour; the squire stopped in the middle of a sentence and all three men automatically turned her way when she stepped through the door. She waved an impatient hand at him to continue and leaned against her own desk, hiding her weariness behind a cold stare. Gaheris returned to repeating his confession; Reynard listened in silence, his expression drifting subtly between offense and genuine confusion. At the end, he frowned and asked, “You - pretended to sabotage my equipment? Why? Why not do it properly, I mean?”
    The squire shrugged.
    “It’s - listen; before I go on, you should know Holt’s an ass, and a stubborn one at that. Yes, I see you’ve all noticed. Well, I couldn’t dissuade him when th’ idea came into his fool head, but I’d no wish t’ see him win a fight by such a trick, against such an obviously superior opponent. It’s not right, and, also, would be easily seen through. What I did seemed the simplest solution.”
    “You could have refused,” Reynard pointed out; Gaheris smiled pityingly at him and shook his head. His response drew an exasperated comment from Meve.
    “You could have done nothing at all, and told him otherwise.”
    He frowned, again mildly offended.
    “I’m no liar,” he said. “If I can find any other solution, I mean. They say a half-truth’s better than a lie, don’t they?”
     Reynard blinked, considered, and then shook his head. Gascon shrugged his shoulders, grudgingly.
    “You’re clearly a capable man,” Meve said. “Why do you serve someone you know isn’t?”
    Gaheris shook his head again, helplessly.
    “Holt’s always been like this,” he explained, “Ever since he was a boy. He’s a decent fighter, but he’s too competitive for his own good, and he’s still not learned t’ pick his battles. However, he is my little brother - well, half-brother; my mother married Sir Ulrich after my father died. He was a stonemason,” he explained, seeing the Queen raise a questioning eyebrow, a gleam of challenge in his dark eyes. “His name was Gors.”
    When she failed to react to his admission, he continued:
    “Anyway, she wanted me t’ look after Holt, best I can. He isn’t a bad person, really, he just -”
    He shrugged.
    “He can’t help how he is, when he’s in a mood, and when he isn’t he’s not the worst of men, or the worst of nobles, for that matter. He’s never struck a knight who’s yielded, for one, and he’s not one to steal or run villainous among th’ yeomen. And, he’s all the family I got left,” he finally finished. Meve nodded and said nothing for a long moment; she noticed that he couldn’t have been any older than herself, but he briefly appeared gray and worn down. She was, to her mild irritation, somewhat sympathetic to his troubles. Gascon glanced from her icy frown to Gaheris’s tired stare, curiously. Reynard watched her carefully.
    “Keep him under guard,” she said to Gascon. “I’m not sure what to do with him or his brother, just yet. Wait - leave him on the landing; the guards there will look after him for the moment. I’ve another matter to discuss, before you go.”
      “He’s the black knight,” she said to Reynard, as Gascon stepped back in without his captive. “Did you know?”
    “No, of course not,” the Count said, frowning slightly. “Although, in truth, th’ idea has crossed my mind, but I found it - unlikely.”
    Gascon hesitated, then shrugged, grinned broadly, and said, “You caught me at last, m’lady; how’d you figure it?”
    “The Baroness it was that discovered you, not me,” Meve said, crossing her arms stubbornly; she attempted to appear angry, but in the end managed only mild, slightly amused, annoyance. “Also, she appears to have found me out, as well, incidentally. In fact, there seems to be very little she doesn’t know.”
    “She’s uncommonly sharp, no doubt about it,” Gascon agreed, readily.
    “So,” she continued, “Is there anything at all to be gained by asking you what you were doing, today?”
    “Won’t tell you unless you first promise not t’ bite my head off,” he said promptly.
    “Yes, very well, as it’s the solstice, but don’t expect any more favors from me before the summer, at earliest. I mean it, Gascon.”
    Reynard sat down, shaking his head at them; Gascon nodded and said, “Fair’s fair. Well, then, it’s a short tale: I won that fight against Sir Holt, then I saw Gaheris come limping ‘round to scrape him up off the turf, and it all came together clear as mud, so I decided it was time t’ stop playing at knights for the day and do some real work.”
    “You could have appeared in the joust as yourself,” Reynard remarked, almost idly, “And not as -”
    “As me,” Meve interrupted, a hint of her previous ire returning.
    “Yes, well - the black knight’s more interesting than I am,” he explained, with a broad shrug. “People have heard of his prowess, or what have you; the dangerous reputation’s an advantage, of sorts.”
    “Yes, we’ve heard, in fact,” Meve said, coldly. “Slew a werewolf, did you?”
    “Sure did,” Gascon replied. “Or, I helped, anyhow. There was a witcher involved. Like Gaheris said: half a truth’s better than a lie, so I let the former take precedence.”
    “That’s not the saying, as you know perfectly well. It’s worse,” Reynard said, rolling his eyes. “Half a truth is worse than a lie.���
    Gascon shrugged at him, grinning slightly. Meve interrupted their tangent, impatiently.
    “And you killed a dragon, they say?”
    “Not I,” the Duke said, quickly, eyeing the Queen’s scowl. “Th’ only dragonslayer here is yourself - although, I did kill a pretty big snake in a roadside inn. The landlady was most impressed. So was some minstrel who happened t’ be around, it appears; he has, uh, embellished th’ incident, somewhat.”
    “Yes, that much is obvious,” Reynard noted, “But how’d he know it was the black knight who did the deed and not merely one Gascon Brossard?”
    At last, Gascon turned uncomfortably self-conscious and clammed up; Meve watched him squirm for a long moment and decided, after a glance at the amused gleam in Reynard’s eye, to not to press the issue further.
    “And you gave poor Sir Orlac a dunking,” she remarked, finally; Gascon looked relieved and seized on the change in subject.
    “Yes, that story’s true,” he admitted. “He’s not a bad fighter, at all, thought he don’t seem to enjoy it much. It took some convincing t’ even get him to go against me, actually, but it was worth the time, in th’ end, to get th’ extra practice.”
    “You have improved, somewhat,” Reynard observed, casually. He shot a quick look at Meve; she spotted it and broke off her intended response, frowning. Gascon either missed or ignored their exchange and said, brightly, “Why thank you, sir.”
    “Although,” the knight continued, “It remains to be seen if you can beat me just yet; Meve, of course, has already unhorsed you once, so no there’s burning question to be answered on that account.”
    “By a trick,” Gascon said, and then, as Reynard shrugged unconcernedly, added, “Look, I only really wanted t’ fight Sir Holt and beat him, again, to prove I could, like. I had no notion of much else.”
    “Yes, very likely,” Meve muttered, rolling her eyes; Reynard continued, despite her:
    “Not afraid to lose, are you?”
    “Of course not; it happens all the time,” Gascon said, mildly indignant.
    “Well, then, tomorrow, if you’ve no other plans, let’s see how good you’ve really become, shall we? Without your intimidating disguise, I mean.”
    “Well, all right,” the Duke said, doubtfully, clearly wary about what exactly he was agreeing to. “I suppose I’m not busy, but - “
    “Good. I’ll see you first thing in the morning, then,” Reynard said, a suggestion of finality in his voice; Gascon still looked uncertain, but nodded and then made a tactical retreat to “see to those other matters.”
    “What the devil are you at, Reynard?” Meve asked, the instant he was gone. He stood up, strode across the room with a self-satisfied smile, and wrapped his arms around her.
    “You’ve had a long day,” he said, “Let me worry about it.”
    “Ugh. Fine, then; do what you want,” she said, ingraciously, leaned her forehead against his chest, and continued with a muffled sigh, “What do you think I should do with Holt? I can’t very well banish him for trying to cheat in a duel, much as I’d like to - he is the sole legal heir to Sir Ulrich, who has been a relatively loyal supporter of the crown - nor can I demote him, since he isn’t one of my own knights.”
    “Just ban him from your tournaments, and the rest of the realm will follow,” he said, as if it was obvious, “It’s the worst thing that could happen to a young knight.”
    “You’d know better than I,” she remarked, unfolded her arms, slid them around his waist, and added, “What about Gaheris?”
    “I don’t know,” Reynard said, “He’s not so easy to deal with.”
    “The trouble is,” Meve said, darkly, “- the trouble is that, in his circumstances, he’s done nothing worse than you or I have in the past, which makes me feel something of a hypocrite if I consider having him arrested for treason - as I certainly could, given your indispensable position and high rank.”
    “Yes, a - a similar thought crossed my own mind, to be honest.”
    “Well, it’s true,” she said, raising her head and frowning up at him. “Isn’t it? Reginald -”
    “He wasn’t quite so bad as Holt.”
    “Because he was older, and the King, and no other reason. Well, and he had you around to clean up after his worst decisions. And, his sons - my sons - are the same, or worse, than Sir Holt. Or were, I mean. Anseis certainly is, in any case.”
    “Perhaps,” Reynard said, thoughtfully, “There’s no need to do anything to Gaheris, at all.”
    “As you’re th’ one he wronged, in th’ end I think what happens to him should really be your decision,” Meve said, shrugging.
    “Well, then, speaking from experience, the man’s trials in keeping control of his brother are worse than anything you might think up.”
    “Yes, I know what you mean. I’ve no wish to see him hang or rot in prison, but banishment would be no curse to him, and we’d have to contend with Holt still, regardless, but without a convenient manager. What a waste; were he noble-born, I’d have some use for a man of his talents, and I could more easily secure his future loyalty. A shame, to have Holt be th’ one who inherits old Ulrich’s lands and titles, and Gaheris remain a squire still.”
    “I agree,” Reynard said. “However, that problem only you can solve.”
    She looked into his eyes, thoughtfully, and nodded.
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fizzingwizard · 4 years
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so Digimon Adventure 2020... excuse me but OH YESSSS!!
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^btw why does yamato look so angry when he eats popsicles
I haven’t read anything other people have said about it yet so this is all just my own take. Pics, observations, but mainly SQUEEEE under the cut.
(Part 1 of 2 because I took too many screenshots xP)
The animation y’all... y’all. It’s so niiiice. I mean, it’s choppy here and there, we’re still talking about a kids’ show and not a Shinkai movie. I love that they preserved the original art style! Idk much about what else is out there so many other kids’ anime blow it out of the water, but I was drooling over the fact that the characters’ pupils remain largely the same size most of the time x’D The 90s were crazy dude.
Although we do get this gem in the preview for next ep bawhahaha:
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... but that’s next ep so I don’t count it xD
OK right first off let’s talk about my boy Taichi. Ep 1 99!Taichi opening scenes was him sleeping in a tree. 20!Taichi is dutifully collecting his things for camp. Clearly he is a far more obedient and responsible boy lol
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(I appreciate that the house is the same!)
(Also look he’s got his telescope!)
btw what’s on this August calendar... is that takoyaki floating in the ocean?
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... then his mom calls and complains that she’s lost and Taichi says “Well I told you to take lessons somewhere close by.”
HE’S ROASTING HIS MOM
AND. AND HE’S TALKING TO HER LIKE HE’S THE MAN OF THE HOUSE
20!TAICHI’S ALREADY A DAD... HIS OWN
(idk how far they’ll carry that in the future but while 99!Taichi was hardly frail or spoiled, this bit is still new to me. But if anything, it echoes the very first Digimon movie, where his mom just leaves and 6 year old Taichi cooks breakfast for his 3 year old sister all alone x’D i hope they keep this up. I been writing “dumb jock is actually incredibly useful at practical things” Taichi in my fics for years)
So while I was still reeling from that, the ep decided to hit me with unexpected Taishiro. I mean, I’d been warned about it, but still I was not expecting THIS. This is the Taishiro content I thirsted for throughout Tri but only ever got crumbs.
I MEAN LOOK AT THESE DORKS.
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SO CUUUUUUTE I WANT TEN
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“Yobisute! Yobisute! Oh god! That means we’re dating!” - Koushirou, probably
So Ep 1 has now decisively set up 20!Taichi as a Dad and an incredibly friendly guy. He doesn’t sweat Koushirou’s somewhat awkward approach. He’s completely at ease, and that puts Koushirou at ease. (Life lesson!) At least until he’s invited inside. “Um... shouldn’t you at least take me to dinner first?” i’m sorry i had to
Koushirou’s shyness is perfect too. It’s not hang-your-head, wish-to-be-anywhere-else anxiety. He is trying hard. He’s probably practiced what he’ll say the whole walk over, and it’s the pressure of performing it that trips him up. The minute he knows he’s not being judged or sneered at, he calms down. Of course, it’s not till he’s back in his element (computers) that he’s completely himself.
Who couldn’t love this scowl of determination:
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So Koushirou in this world Knows Everything. It all feels a little fast... but that’s kids TV for you. It’s also Koushirou’s Cool Factor, like Taichi’s unnatural Bravery and Gravity-Defying Agility. (I’m referring to his hair.)
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... Koushirou’s also more responsible than is natural for a boy his age. X’D What’s poor Jou even going to have to do when he shows up if everyone takes over his role as Team Rememberer of the Toilet Paper?
The way Taichi reacts to Koushirou’s being a genius - while the only realistic reaction, honestly - is so well done. Koushirou is so happy to be appreciated. Genuinely appreciated, especially by someone he doesn’t know well and who he half-expected to yell “go away nerd!” and slam the door in his face. If Koushirou was blushing because he was shy before, now he’s blushing because he’s overwhelmed with pride. He’s gonna get hooked on that praise let me tell ya
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This is the angelic face that will haunt Koushirou’s dreams for years to come.
Being a kids show, the kids are much more proactive about dealing with problems in the world than the adults are. Wait, what am I saying, that is an exact reflection of reality.
They’ve known each other for 20 min tops, and Koushirou can already read Taichi like a book:
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Next Taichi goes into Hero Mode. To switch on, he must put on his goggles.
And leap over a ticket barrier.
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Koushirou: “Holy shit this guy’s Spiderman!”
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Koushirou: “I wanna be Spiderman too!”
Ticket Barrier: “Try pole-vaulting?”
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I just added this pic because his face is cute
Taichi races... somewhere. I am honeslty not sure where he thinks he is going, or what he plans to do when he gets there. Jump in front of his mom’s train? Let’s all die together as a family? As cool as all this is, I rather think he didn’t, uh, think about it at all...
He starts running up the stairs and glitches out.
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“Kouichi! NOOOOO!”
tbc in part 2...
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eturni · 5 years
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Day 15 - Laughter
It’s day 15 of @drawlight‘s holiday-themed calendar challenge . https://drawlight.tumblr.com/post/189391982184/drawlight-drawlight-aziraphale-crowley-for  and today is Laughter.
Today is also the day that I saw the Tumblr post about a somewhat unsettling, if very positive, Welsh Christmas tradition. What unfolded is effectively a holiday creepypasta that is a little on the long side for my offerings to the calendar. hopefully it hits right still.
There was a small rental cottage in a charming area of Newport that currently served as both meeting place and occasional (nightly) sleep-over spot for a certain angel and demon as they negotiated the terms of a non-involvement policy over recent orders in the area.
The city was more than growing and would continue to do so with all the veracity that humans put into these things but for the moment there were just enough people to hide the fact that an angel and demon were too close to one another without being enough that they would struggle to spot their own bosses.
It made for a surprisingly low anxiety Christmas time for the pair of them despite the closeness that broke a lot of their less-spoken rules. Head office barely bothered with them around this time of year anyway.
Crowley was just getting truly settled in with his third glass of wine, watching Aziraphale put up festive candles around the home. He put his glass down just long enough to listlessly throw another log onto the fire and bask into the warmth it gave to Aziraphale’s naturally curved edges.
He was just getting settled into this when the sound of soft laughter echoed up the street from them. There was singing and high laughter and it was coming closer. Crowley rolled his eyes. Carollers, already.
Still, Aziraphale was positively vibrating as the sound moved closer and was already at the door when the laughter, low now and deep, sounded at their own little temporary home.
Aziraphale threw the door open and Crowley dropped his glass, the shatter of it and blood red stain across the floorboards left unremarked as Aziraphale took in what was looming in their doorway. Figures shrouded in darkness, moving wrong and bubbling with a laughter that was, in fact, both low and high at the same time. And completely inhuman.
Continue reading on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/21638803/chapters/52049386 or:
Crowley vaulted himself over the back of the little couch to get himself to the door, taking in the figure at the front. A horse’s skull attached onto a pole like a hobby horse. It was surrounded by three figures that stood further in the darkness and could barely be made out even with Crowley’s inhuman sight. It raised the hairs at the back of his neck.
The head tilted a little, the movement just a little too fast for comfort. Then it turned and looked at Crowley with dead, glassy eyes. It was a mask or a puppet or a something not real. It looked real enough, a real skull. Crowley told himself it was not. Still, he felt seen; a type of sharpness to the dark blank of the otherwise dead eyes that seemed to somehow land squarely on Crowley and see him.
It couldn’t be a skull, there was no bone behind, only darkness. It must be something with black fabric or paper or anything behind the sockets. Must be someone wearing it to look unerringly at Crowley in the way only a demon could know they were being watched.
There was a hobby horse stick. Bedsheets draped over of an impossible age. Threadbare but with the pattern new and in bright warm colours. It draped straight down, no room for the bulk of what would be tall enough to fill the head. Not without there being legs.
Crowley did not look down. There would be no legs and he did not want to confirm this.
Voices rose from behind the Mari Lwyd, the very human figures behind dressed in a riot of colours.  They were men (they were supposed to be men) dressed as a Punch and Judy, with a fire poker and a broom respectively, and a ringleader with a large hat that cast his face all in shadow and a whipping stick at his hand.
They sang and it was not human. They sang and it was not the echoing of angelic choirs or even the painful grating cries of the Fallen those first few tries after the war. They sang and Crowley’s head flinched away automatically to deny it but the discordance was inside of his skull, scratching at the bone from the inside.
Gentle friends, we have come to ask we may have leave to come in. If we may not have leave laughter rose from one of them in the back, a rolling bubble too deep and sinister but trying to be child-like then listen to the song that tells of our leaving tonight.
Aziraphale smiled warmly but with that feeling around the edges of it that was old and dangerous. Crowley loved him for it and wanted to protect him at the same time. This thing was newer than them, so much so. But it was strange and halting and not of them.
Aziraphale stepped in front regardless, likely seeing the faint tremble in Crowley’s hand, and smiled wider still. “Then sing your tale, dear acquaintances, for I have no room in here to provide leave for one and all and this creature will be my foe.” The song was deep and holy and yet, placed behind Aziraphale Crowley found himself comforted rather than burned by it. The power went outwards, the command to leave woven into each note.
Even demons were of God, somewhere at the beginning of things. This was no demon, not a thing that could be smote and cast out.
They barely faltered before starting up again, though this time the punch raised his iron poker and began knocking at the wood of the door frame in a slow, insistent rhythm. The Judy raked her harsh bristle-broom over the window ledge and pane. The fine twigs please let them be only twigs, don’t look too close scratching at different pitches and in harmony with the scratch that still sang and clawed at the inside of Crowley’s skull
The demon took Aziraphale’s arm and squeezed urgently, looking ahead only at those knowing dead eyes on him again. The implements remained part of the figures as they moved, the angle never changing. They were as much a part of them as hand or head or torso. All that and the sharp iron of a poker part of one terrible form that moved and sang around the Mari Lwyd.
We have cut a shin to come here tonight over the stiles. If there are those here who could compose Englyn let us hear them. Now. Tonight.
Aziraphale took in a deep breath and wiggled up to hid full height; evidently somewhat offended by this creature even questioning if the angel could form poetry. He was practically made of it, after all. “You shall not enter this home, You are not one of our own, I do not know what you plot, And entreat: leave us alone.”
Something did falter in the beast then, it’s strange head twitching to the side whippet fast and taking in Aziraphale now. Crowley made an attempt to step in front of his angel but was stopped by a firm, warm arm.
The shadows grew in the doorway and something like a wail but almost a whinny rose up from the centre of the village. Crowley instinctively knew that it was the spot he had seen a patch of upturned, disturbed earth in the village green that morning.
The skull clattered a little as the glow around Aziraphale only seemed to get brighter under the press of shadows that made the wood groan and the stones tremble. The jaw snapped closed for just a moment, the teeth grinding in a screech that skittered down the demon’s spine before it’s mouth opened once again and the discordance began anew.
The large sweet cake with all kinds of spices, cut generous slices this Christmas-tide. Tap the barrel and let it flow freely, don’t share it meanly this Christmas-tide
Aziraphale paused and looked closely at the creature before them and it’s many puppets. “You mean to tell me that it’s cake you want? And our ale to partake, No armies of ours to wake, heaven and hell have no stake?” This time the press of the angel song held commands for truth.
Where Crowley expected a fight, expected more groaning and warping of the world, the Mari Lwyd nodded it’s great head in a juddering motion and the thump of the poker stopped, thought the scratching continued.
The large, sweet cake and mortal cheer. We chase the dark from homes, tonight
Crowley’s heart almost stopped as Aziraphale stepped back from the doorway and he beckoned the amalgamation of creatures in. “Well why didn’t you say to begin with? More than enough Christmas cheer here. Just don’t cause any mess as I’m afraid it’s a short holiday stay you see.”
Crowley turned his head to argue with Aziraphale and in the next moment the Mari Lwyd was inside of the home. It had never moved, he was certain. The doorway wasn’t large enough and it hadn’t stooped but now there were shadows in the cottage and the strange man-like figures that moved around it like puppets on caught strings were filing in. In the light their faces were drawn too tight across whatever was behind them and their smiles were too bright and infinitely cold.
He fled to the kitchen and found Aziraphale pulling out a tin with some fortified Christmas cake in and grabbing a bottle of wine from their stores. “Aziraphale what the heaven do you think you’re doing?!”
“Providing simple hospitality my dear. Whatever Mari Lwyd is, it can’t be cast out and that means they must belong in the village. If all they want is some Christmas spirit then-”
There was a burst of laughter that skittered up Crowley’s spine the wrong way right before a crash from the other room. Aziraphale pursed his lips and blinked slowly and deliberately in the way he had of gathering strength. “What did I just say?” Azirapahle demanded, striding out with the tin as though he hadn’t been expecting to be torn apart or worse moments earlier too.
The figure of the leader was chasing the horse with rider’s crop held high and Crowley did not look at the floor. Did not see whether legs chasing the horse moved as human legs should. Did not see if anything at all lay beneath the oddly-draped sheet.
“Now, you must behave or there’ll be no cheese to go with the cake.” Aziraphale ordered quite firmly, placing the tin down on the coffee table.
The Mari Lwyd opened it’s mouth again and a rattling laughter rose up and around from a point that Crowley did not want to pinpoint but it settled finally; the dark pits settling on the tin. They were shadow and void still, even with the light of the fire pressing in where bone should be. It was bone. Crowley could see that clearly enough. A real skull pulled from the earth and sent to the homes round about for Christmas.
Cannot frighten the bad spirits otherwise.
The voice ached at the back of Crowley’s teeth and made his fangs want to slip from their place in the ether. He miracled his glass back together and started pouring for the beast and their ‘companions’ anyway because he hoped Aziraphale knew something that he did not.
When the angel returned, with cheese, it was also with promises that they would deal with anything negative in the home and that the Mary Lwyd could “Just relax, dear, it must be a long night for you.”
Crowley watched this all happen in complete bafflement and promptly finished off three bottles in the hope that the lack of clarity would make things easier. He lost track of the conversation as Aziraphale and the Mara Lwyd started to chat about benevolent and mischievous local spirits in all the areas they’d been in before. Made Crowley wonder about the nature of it but no fae or spirit or cryptid had set him this on edge before and even Aziraphale’s warmth and the familiar old ornaments that decorated their tree couldn’t put that to rest until the angel was good-naturedly showing the being and it’s puppets out of the door.
Once they were alone and the shadows receded it took some of the cold away that had settled on Crowley’s heart. Aziraphale gathered him up in his arms, uncharacteristic to say the least, and started to talk. Something about books, or fairy tales. How he had done well to stand up that way. How the beast had seemed to know he was no threat, at least by the end.
Something shifted finally. Settled in the right places. He was a demon and whatever the Mara Lwyd was it thought he was the threat to Aziraphale just as much as he had thought it of the thing. Aziraphale had announced him an enemy in case they were sent from one of their head offices.
He let out a slow, shuddering breath and nodded, reaching blindly for a slice of cake to give him some sort of sugar rush enough to get through his world being tilted on it’s axis “Well merry Christmas I guess.” He muttered, voice as vague and disjointed as his thoughts felt.
Aziraphale laughed and it was bright and warm and everything the Mara Lwyd had not been as they angel leaned down and brushed a gentle kiss to the top of Crowley’s head. “Merry Christmas indeed.”
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your-dietician · 3 years
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IndyCar driver Josef Newgarden to speak to Nashville Sports Council
New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/nascar/indycar-driver-josef-newgarden-to-speak-to-nashville-sports-council/
IndyCar driver Josef Newgarden to speak to Nashville Sports Council
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Nashville IndyCar driver Josef Newgarden, coming off his first win of the season and headed into the inaugural Big Machine Music City Grand Prix, will be the featured guest speaker July 13 at the Nashville Sports Council’s monthly luncheon.
Tickets for the 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. event at Nissan Stadium are available at bit.ly/3ywDjbd. Doors open at 11 a.m.
Newgarden picked up his 19th career win July 4 at the Honda Indy 200 at Mid-Ohio. It snapped a nine-race losing streak for Newgarden and Team Penske, the winningest team in IndyCar series history.
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Because the next race — Honda Indy Toronto — on the schedule was canceled for the second straight year due to COVID-19, the Aug. 8 Music City Grand Prix on the streets of downtown is next on the calendar.
“We’ve got some confidence with this win so I feel like we can make it all happen,” Newgarden told Autoweek. “I always believe, I’ve told these guys, I believe we can win any race we go into. Nashville would be a dream to have a great result.”
Chase McCabe of The Game 102.5-FM will moderate the discussion.
“The timing couldn’t be better for Josef to speak in his hometown coming off such a dominant win at Mid-Ohio,” McCabe said. “You can tell the team has confidence right now. I can already tell you that they’ll use that momentum from the win on top of the fact that Josef is looking for a win at his home track.” 
Music City Grand Prix:IndyCar Music City Grand Prix pole trophy will honor late driver Bryan Clauson
Nashville sports:Nashville is only U.S. city on SportsPro’s ‘Seven sports event destinations to watch’
Newgarden was tabbed by Music City Grand Prix officials as brand ambassador and spokesperson for the race.
“Anytime you have an inaugural event and you have someone of Josef’s stature and prominence in the sport from here, I certainly think that adds a great piece to the event,” Nashville Sports Council president and CEO Scott Ramsey said. “I think for all the fans that are going to attend the event, especially those from Middle Tennessee, it would be great to see the hometown guy come out in front.”
Those who have signed up to volunteer for the Music City Grand Prix will receive free admission to the luncheon.
Music City Grand Prix single-day tickets on sale
Speaking of the Music City Grand Prix, single-day tickets for the three-day event (Aug. 6-8) went on sale to the general public Tuesday. 
Tickets are available by visiting musiccitygp.com/tickets, ticketmaster.com or by calling the Tennessee Titans ticket office at 615-565-4650. Prices are $35 Aug. 6, $65 Aug. 7 and $85 Aug. 8.
With a majority of the reserved grandstands sold out (including grandstands 1, 2, 3, 4, 9 and 10), a limited amount of single-day reserved grandstand and general admission tickets will be available in grandstands 7 and 8 and the recently-added grandstand 11.
Sterling Marlin writing book
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Two-time Daytona 500 champion Sterling Marlin is writing an autobiography.
It will go back to his time growing up on a farm in Columbia, being a star quarterback on the Spring Hill football team and how he got into racing at the Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway.
Marlin, who celebrated his 64th birthday June 30, said he should be finished with the book in a few months.
In 1995 retired Tennessean columnist Larry Woody wrote “Pure Sterling: The Sterling Marlin Story,” which focused on Marlin’s racing career.
Marlin retired from the NASCAR Cup Series in 2009 and returned to Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway where he raced in the Pro Late Model series through 2019.
Belmont’s Egekeze signs another pro deal
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Former Belmont basketball star Amanze Egekeze signed a pro contract recently with Donar Groningen in Holland.
The 6-foot-8 forward from Lake in the Hills, Illinois, averaged 10.8 points and 4.1 rebounds per game for Gries Oberhoffen in France this past season.
Egekeze was a 2018 All-Ohio Valley Conference selection at Belmont. He helped lead the Bruins to a total of 89 victories and three conference championships.
Former Tennessean sports editor Larry Taft, five others going into sports writers hall of fame
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Six individuals will be inducted into the Tennessee Sports Writers Association on Thursday. 
Three are from the 2021 class — Maurice Patton, Larry Taft and George Starr — and three are from the 2020 class — Tommy Bryan, Teresa Walker and Mark Wiedmer.
The 2020 induction was canceled due to COVID-19.
Patton worked at the Review Appeal in Franklin, The Tennessean and the Columbia Daily Herald before launching his own web site.
Taft worked at the Knoxville News-Sentinel and the Democrat-Union in Lawrenceburg before joining The Tennessean. He became the sports editor at The Tennessean in 2007. He also served as director of media relations for the TSSAA.
Bryan started as a sports writer for the Lebanon Democrat in 1977 and from1981-2003 was owner and publisher of the Wilson World.
Walker began her career in 1987 and has been the Associated Press sports editor based in Nashville since 1992.
Ex-TSU star Devin Wilson named arena league player of the week
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Former Pope John Paul II and Tennessee State receiver Devin Wilson was named the National Arena League offensive player of the week Tuesday.
Wilson, who plays for the Jacksonville Sharks, had nine catches for 138 yards and four touchdowns in a 52-41 loss to the Orlando Predators.
Wilson is Jacksonville’s leading receiver on the season with 27 catches for 254 yards and five touchdowns.
DuPont names 2021 hall of fame class
Former DuPont track and field star John Flatt and his daughter Traci, a three-sport star, are in the 2021 DuPont All-Sports Hall of Fame class along with former basketball star James Ray Pugh and former football star Pete Bush, who went on to coach at the school.
John Flatt, who died in 1997, set the Midstate record in the pole vault with a mark of 11-foot-5½-inches. He broke the record the following spring at 12-1.
Traci Flatt was a volleyball, basketball and softball standout (1983-85).
Pugh was a starter on the 1953 state championship basketball team. He had 23 points and 13 rebounds in the title game and went on to star at Belmont.
Bush was one of the top tight ends in Nashville (1957-59). After an outstanding career at Austin Peay Bush began his coaching career at Goodlettsville before returning to DuPont in 1974 where he remained until the school closed in 1986.
Margie Stoll inducted into Senior Olympics Hall of Fame
Margie Stoll of Nashville was inducted into the Tennessee State Senior Olympics Hall of Fame on June 29.
Stoll has spent the last 20 years competing in the annual event. This year she set an 80-85 age group record for the Tennessee Senior Olympics in each of the six events she entered. 
Stoll also is in the USATF Masters Hall of Fame.
Others in the 2021 Tennessee Senior Olympics Hall of Fame class: Joe Sykes (Clarksville), Wayne Matthews (Crossville) and Joyce Manis (Kingsport).
Nashville’s parks and recreation receive low ranking
July is National Parks and Recreation Month and Nashville did not fare well in Wallethub’s “2021’s Best & Worst Cities for Recreation.”
The Music City was 81st out of the 100 cities in the ranking, which was based on 48 metrics connected to the benefits of recreational activities.
Living costs, the quality of parks, the accessibility of entertainment and recreational facilities and the weather were taken into account.
Memphis was 90th. 
The top five cities: Orlando, Florida; Las Vegas; San Diego; Cincinnati; Tampa, Florida.
The bottom five: Fort Wayne, Indiana; Chula Vista, California; Garland, Texas; Durham, North Carolina; Oakland, California.
Crigger promoted to fulltime role at Austin Peay
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Austin Peay graduate Casey Crigger was recently named assistant director of athletics communications.
The Johnson City native started out as manager on the baseball team and spent the last four years as a member of the athletics communications staff as a student and graduate student.
He will remain the department’s primary athletics communications contact for women’s soccer and women’s basketball and will move into a secondary role for the Austin Peay football program.
Harold Eller Pro-Am registration deadline approaching
The deadline to register for the Tennessee Golf Association Harold Eller Pro-Am Tournament is July 21 at 5 p.m..
The tournament is July 26-27 at Old Hickory Country Club. Register at bit.ly/3wqKHn3.
Pro Tracy Wilkins along with armatures Gary Slayden, Kenny Wilson and Eric Emery tied pro Chase Harris and armatures Buzz Fly, Scotty Hudson and Matt Cooper for the 2020 championship at  26-under.
Registration opens July 14 for Bass Pro Shops U.S. Qualifier
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Registration for the biggest amateur fishing tournament ever on Old Hickory Lake opens July 14 for 24 hours only.
Registration for the Sept. 11 Bass Pro Shops U.S. Open Qualifier will be available at basspro.com/usopen.
The tournament with a guaranteed purse of $4.3 million is one of eight national qualifying events.
The top 40 finishers at the Old Hickory qualifier will be eligible to fish the National Championship in November at Big Cedar Lodge on Table Rock Lake in Missouri.
If you have an item for Midstate Chatter contact Mike Organ at 615-259-8021 or on Twitter @MikeOrganWriter.
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vaultermagazine · 3 months
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Inland girls high school track and field leaders, April 3
Inland girls high school track and field leaders, April 3 – MSN.com Marks are for the current season and for participants representing their high schools. Marks before the official start of the CIF Southern Section season (February 17) and ones set while competing unattached or for club teams are not…
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thosedamnliberals · 4 years
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Iowa Democratic caucuses turn to chaos as party fails to declare a winner
DES MOINES —  The first electoral contest of the 2020 campaign turned into a major debacle Monday night as the Iowa Democratic Party failed to report the results of its influential presidential caucuses. The nearly 1,700 community gatherings proceeded smoothly as eager partisans flocked to church basements, senior centers, school libraries and other warm places to make their preferences known.
The problems began when it came time to declare a winner, which will not come until Tuesday at the earliest.
Preliminary tallies showed the main competition was among former Vice President Joe Biden; ex-South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg; Sens. Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota and Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts, and the perceived front-runner, Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont.
A party spokeswoman explained the indefinite delay by citing “quality checks and the fact that the [Iowa Democratic Party] is reporting out three data sets for the first time.” The party said there was no sabotage involved.
“This is simply a reporting issue; the app did not go down and this is not a hack or an intrusion,” said communications director Mandy McClure. “The underlying data and paper trail is sound and [it] will simply take time to further report the results.”
But Democratic leaders and precinct chairs around the state reported problems with the computer application intended to relay results to the party headquarters in Des Moines.
“I briefly tried to log in. It didn’t want me to log in. I could put the precinct number in there, but then it wouldn’t let me do the next step,” said Patty Judge, a former Iowa lieutenant governor who served as a precinct chair in Monroe County in rural southwestern Iowa.
She ended up telephoning in the precinct’s results, which had Buttigieg and Klobuchar tied for first place and Sanders in second. “I decided I wasn’t going to frustrate myself,” Judge said.
The reporting issues led to the odd spectacle of candidates giving what sounded like victory speeches to their bemused supporters without anyone knowing who actually won or lost. The confusion also yielded a flurry of finger-pointing, conspiracy theories and efforts to shape perceptions by touting partial campaign returns.
Sanders struck an upbeat tone while wryly acknowledging there weren’t any actual results yet.
“Let me begin by stating that I imagine, I have a strong feeling, at some point, the results will be announced,” Sanders said, drawing laughs from his supporters at a rally in Des Moines."When those results are announced, I have a good feeling we’re going to be doing very, very well here in Iowa.”
Biden was similarly buoyant. “It looks like it’s going to be a long night, but I’m feeling good,” he told supporters at his election party at Des Moines’ Drake University. Looking ahead, he said he was “on to New Hampshire, Nevada, South Carolina and well beyond. We’re in this for the long haul.”
The importance of next week’s New Hampshire primary is sure to be elevated by the muddle that emerged in Iowa, which has a history of troubles in tallying its caucus results. After controversies in 2012 and 2016, any questions about the reliability of Monday’s outcome could permanently undermine the impact of the caucuses and imperil Iowa’s position at the front of the political calendar.
The uncertainty that shrouded the outcome was a fitting coda to a campaign rife with unpredictability. Interviews with voters arriving at their caucuses showed more than 1 in 3 made up their minds just in the last few days, a considerably higher number than in previous contests.
A weekend of sunshine and unseasonably warm weather yielded to a cold and blustery day, with temperatures hovering near or below freezing by the time it grew dark. Still, party leaders anticipated turnout may set a record, topping the nearly 240,000 who voted in 2008, reflecting the closely fought nature of the race and the fervor among Democrats eager to defeat President Trump.
The caucuses operate under a distinct set of rules that make them prone to surprises.
Democratic voters gathered at assigned places where they stated their support for their preferred candidates. Contestants failing to meet a 15% “viability” threshold were eliminated from consideration and their backers had a choice of throwing their support behind another candidate or going home.
The Iowa Democratic Party planned to release three sets of results Monday night: tallies of the first preference of caucusgoers, the final alignment, and the total number of “state delegate equivalents” each candidate received.
The release of different numbers was a concession to Sanders and his backers after his hair’s-breadth loss to Hillary Clinton four years ago. It was intended to address concerns that the process was too opaque and failed to reflect the true depth of a candidate’s support.
Even before the debacle unfolded Monday night, the issuance of so many tallies threatened to muddy the outcome and add to the criticism of Iowa’s outsized influence.
For those participating in the caucuses, it was a long-awaited chance to put their stamp on the 2020 election.
Moments before the balloting started on the University of Iowa campus in Iowa City, Shayla Ides, 19, carried an Elizabeth Warren flag around the student union ballroom as more than 750 caucusgoers — mostly fellow students — shouted over one another in competing chants.
Ides, a junior studying informatics, described Warren as a strong woman whose life and career have inspired her.
“It’s really powerful to see someone I want to be like up on that stage,” said Ides, who’s from Pensacola, Fla. “What’s the quote? ‘Quiet women never make history.’ She would set an incredible example.”
Not all were voting out of excitement for a particular candidate. Deanna Manley, 62, explained her process of elimination during a caucus at the golf course in Newton.
“Bernie is too socialist,” said the retired respiratory therapist. “Buttigieg is a nice young man who has high hopes, but he doesn’t have any experience.” Warren’s policies were too liberal for Manley and she was ambivalent about Klobuchar.
That left her supporting, resignedly, Biden.
474910_la-na-dubugue-race009_LS POLITICS A nearly all-white Iowa town asked itself: ‘Why do we hate?’ Jan. 31, 2020 For all the idiosyncrasies — a limited voting window, the requirement to publicly declare one’s preference, the negotiations that take place — Iowa’s caucuses were poised to play a significant role in the long, turbulent Democratic contest.
A field that at one point surpassed two dozen contestants, the biggest ever in modern times, has already shrunk by more than half and stood to be reduced even further after Monday night.
The results promised clues to what Democrats most prefer as they set out to defeat Trump: familiarity or a fresh face? A reassuring figure who builds on the work of prior Democratic administrations, or a fist-shaker promising change that is more far-reaching and radical?
Sanders, who four years ago waged an unexpectedly strong insurgent campaign against Clinton, represents the latter, speaking of political revolution in terms that frighten many in the party establishment even as its energizes his base of younger voters.
Biden, making his third try for the White House, has built his appeal around the argument that he is most electable because of his appeal not just to centrist Democrats but also independents and Republicans who have grown disaffected with Trump.
Between those poles were Warren, bidding to become the country’s first female president; the 38-year-old Buttigieg, who offers himself as the candidate of generational change; and the rest of the field. (Former New York City Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg did not compete in Iowa, focusing his massive spending on several later contests, including California’s March 3 primary.)
Others candidates — New York businessman Andrew Yang and billionaire activist Tom Steyer — were counting on Iowa to vault them to stronger-than-expected showings, even if they failed to finish atop the crowded field.
Mike Bloomberg Campaigns For President In El Paso POLITICS A sideshow no more: Michael Bloomberg’s fast ascent unnerves rivals Feb. 2, 2020 For all the complaints about Iowa — too white, too rural, too lightly populated, say the critics — the state’s political impact has been indisputable: Five of the last seven winners have gone on to claim the Democratic nomination, including the last three.
Several states, including California, moved up their contests on the primary calendar to undercut the caucuses. Instead, Iowa gained in import and influence, as candidates deluged the state and voters around the country counted on caucusgoers here to begin culling the field to a more manageable size.
Candidates held roughly 2,500 events throughout the state, per the Des Moines Register, and aired so many commercials it was impossible to watch television without feeling overwhelmed.
Regardless of the unclear outcome, for many Iowans the greatest sensation Monday night was relief that the politicking was over.
The recriminations, however, seem to have just begun.
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myepisodecalendar · 3 years
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MacGyver (2016) Season 5 - Episode 7: Golden Lancehead + Venom + Pole Vault + Blood + Baggage AirDate: February 5th, 2021, 08:00 PM
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adrianoantoine · 4 years
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Brazilian Days (204): July 23
Brazilian Days (204): July 23
  Brazilian Days 204
July 23
. DAY OF:
Dia do Guarda Rodoviário
(Highway Patrol Man). On July 24, 1928, president Washington Luíz created the Polícia Rodoviária Federal. Initially, this unit was called ‘Polícia das Estradas’ (Road Police). The first highway patrol man was Antônio Felix Filho, nicknamed ‘Turquinho’. He started his job on July 23, 1935. He and his colleagues were called…
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fact2know-com · 4 years
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Vault kings Lavillenie, Duplantis tie in ‘final lawn conflict’
Image Source : GETTY IMAGES
Renaud Lavillenie
Frances 2012 Olympic champion Renaud Lavillenie and Swedens global record-holder Mondo Duplantis shared the honours within the inaugural ‘Ultimate Garden Clash – Pole Vault Edition’, beating arch-rival Sam Kendricks in a novel three-way pageant.
The contest, devised via the 3 pole vaulters on Sunday, used to be a race to look who may produce maximum 5m vaults inside a 30-minute duration, all from their very own again gardens amid the coronavirus pandemic which has introduced all the wearing calendar to a grinding halt.
Lavillenie used to be vaulting from his house in Clermont-Ferrand, Kendricks used to be competing from his again lawn in Oxford, Mississippi, and Duplantis used to be collaborating from his base in Lafayette, Louisiana.
Duplantis took an early lead and Lavillenie used to be no longer a long way off the younger Swede’s tempo. Two-time global champion Kendricks, in the meantime, attempted to tempo himself from the outset and trailed his warring parties within the first 1/2.
Despite an aborted try, Duplantis used to be the primary to succeed in double figures and he had tallied 18 five-metre vaults via the half-way mark. Lavillenie used to be only one shy of that overall with 17 whilst Kendricks had collected 12.
In the second one 1/2, Duplantis and Lavillenie persevered to vault at a identical tempo. Duplantis had notched up 25 clearances with 10 mins ultimate whilst Lavillenie trailed via only one. Kendricks attempted to extend his fee of vaulting however had left himself with an excessive amount of catching as much as do.
After a overlooked try from Duplantis, Lavillenie took the lead with two mins to move as he sailed over his 32nd clearance. His younger opponent quickly matched that, however Lavillenie saved up his relentless pace.
By the tip of the competition, Lavillenie and Duplantis had every effectively cleared a complete of 36 five-metre vaults, beating Kendricks’ tally of 26. Following a temporary dialogue between the highest two, they made up our minds to percentage the victory.
Fight against Coronavirus: Full coverage
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cryptodictation · 4 years
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Maurren Maggi on Olympic Games: IOC did 'what had to be done'
JONNE RORIZ / ESTADÃO CONTENTMaurren Maggi during pole vault competition
Gold at the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008, Maurren Maggi endorsed the International Olympic Committee (IOC) position of postponing the Tokyo Games to 2021. According to the former pole vault athlete, the measure was correct, given the pandemic of coronavirus. Maurren granted an exclusive interview to Jornal da Jovem Pan on Tuesday afternoon, 24.
“It was what had to be done, I had no doubt that it was going to happen. Athletes are not training ”, he commented. In addition to training at home, Maurren says that contact with the coach is essential in this sentence of the preparation. “In pole vault events, for example, it is not the crowd that will help, it is the training and the presence of the coach. Some athletics modalities need the coach together to encourage, help, correct mistakes ”.
Regarding physical preparation, Maurren says that at least in athletics, the change in the calendar should not harm the delegations. “Athletes have a four-year cycle. What will change: every year, all athletes stop in September or October, to make a transition period for the beginning of the next. This time, they will have a forced rest to enter 2021. It makes no difference if they return to training in high performance for the 2021 cycle. It is as if the athlete lost the Olympic year due to an injury and had to return to training to dispute the Worldwide. In athletics, it makes no difference if he returns to training later this year to go to the Olympics in 2021 ”.
It reinforces that athletes are fulfilling the social role when raising awareness about the virus. “Everyone is very calm, we are doing our part as citizens. I have posted on Instagram what they have done. We have to maintain our activity, anyway we have to do something. I have seen some even doing exercises with the dogs, squatting up someone. All at home.”
Sponsorship
One of the concerns of Olympic athletes with the rescheduling of the Tokyo Games is the relationship with the sponsors, with whom they maintain annual contracts. For Maurren, the extreme situation must cause the contracts to be renewed. “Usually the sponsors close for the season, and when it ends, they renew the contract. I believe that because of all this, they will not abandon us ”.
The gold medalist made herself available to the Brazilian Olympic Committee (COB) and athletics federations to make advertising pieces and campaigns, in case more efforts are needed to maintain the incentives. “I do whatever it takes to maintain the sponsorship of those who are already going to the Olympics and those who have great chances of going,” he added.
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lavotha · 5 years
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At the cutting edge of the sports’ industry
Sportel Monaco took place at the Grimaldi Forum from October 20-23, 2019, organized under the High Patronage of H.S.H. Prince Albert II and the International Olympic Committee (IOC).
This highly recognized sports & media event gathered the elite of the International Sports Marketing and Media Industry, under the professional leadership of CEO Laurent Puons, CEO and Managing Director Amparo Di Fede. (Photo insert:View of networking room at Sportel Monaco 2019 @Sportel All Rights Reserved)  
Prince Albert could not attend Sportel this year because he was in Japan for the Enthronement of Emperor Naruhito, for a ceremony that dates from the 7th century. Pierre Casiraghi, who is a true sports ambassador and supporter, was there to represent our sovereign.
Sportel Awards Monaco celebrated its 30th anniversary, confirming its ever-increasing success, as the event keeps expanding, continually innovating and adapting to changes in the marketplace, welcoming new media as well as the e-sport sector.
“Business leaders know that, for three days, we allow them to meet the main actors both from international sports media and the new technology sector. With 3126 participants, representing a 3% increase, and 980 companies from 73 countries, SPORTEL Monaco is now, more than ever before, the industry’s largest international gathering”, declared Laurent Puons.
For 30 years, top-level executives from around the world, representing sports networks, international sports federations, sports marketing agencies,  production companies, sports content right owners, distributors, technology, and new media, reunite in Monaco. Together they determine the future of major sports events for the 21st-century media platforms, one of the essential conventions serving as B-to-B business podium and the perfect place to find valuable insight on influential business trends and practices.
The highly instructive conferences and expert panels, with a program offering richness and variety, are the source of the sports industry’s current evolution and progress. Over the last five years, SPORTEL has zeroed in on new technologies, revealing the key players in anti-pirating, monetization of content and fan engagement, proving to be always on the cutting edge.
Grand Prix de Monaco, La Legende 
Yann-Antony Noghès presented the projection of the documentary Grand Prix de Monaco, la Legende that he produced to celebrate the 90th anniversary of its creation in 1929, by his grandfather Antony Noghès. It is the compelling story of how the smallest country in the world managed to become the world’s capital of motorsport while having virtually no space for a formal racetrack.
The documentary recounts the great moments of racing, legendary battles, spectacular accidents, money wars, and glamour. Excellently narrated by Prince Albert II of Monaco, it tells the story of the City Race that all drivers dream of winning.
Through the independent testimonies of the most significant drivers and leaders of Formula 1, rare archives, and scenes of reconstruction, the documentary offers an exceptional insiders view into the heart of the most legendary car racing that celebrated its 90th anniversary.
At the end of the screening, the audience broke into applause. Then attendees had the chance to participate in an interactive discussion with French world champion Alain Prost along with Michel Ferry, Vice-president of ACM, Christian Tornatore, General Commissioner of ACM and the documentary Producer Yann-Antony Noghès from Check Productions. (Photo @Sportel All Rights Reserved)
Golden Podium Awards 2019
It was a memorable and emotional experience to attend once again the SPORTEL Awards Ceremony on Tuesday, October 22, 2019, at the Grimaldi Forum in Monaco, under the Honorary Presidency of Prince Albert II of Monaco, and the Patronage of the International Olympic Committee (IOC).
The evening began with a retrospective of the last 30 years, with a host of personalities parading on stage to present the awards to the year’s winners. The event honored the winners of the Georges Bertellotti Golden Podium Competition and Renaud de Laborderie Sports Book Competition. They respectively recognize the world’s most beautiful and breathtaking sports sequences of the year, and the best-illustrated sportsbooks, in the presence of Olympic Champions, International sports celebrities, and sports fans.
A prestigious Jury composed of sport and media industries personalities had not an easy task selecting the recipients of the Golden Podium Trophy. The overall message of this highly anticipated ceremony was of sport as a means for peace, gender equality, endurance, and hope.
The evening continued at the Sporting Monte-Carlo, transformed for the occasion into sports fields, and a giant 30th-anniversary birthday cake.
The Golden Podium prestigious Jury
Yelena Isinbayeva, Russia – President of the Jury – Pole Vault Olympic Champion and Peace & Sport Champion
Cheick Cisse, Ivory Coast – Taekwondo Olympic Champion, Ivory Coast
Georgia Garinois – Melenikiotou, Greece – Executive Vice-President of Corporate Marketing The Estee Lauder Companies
Jacques Glenat, France – Founder & CEO Glenat Editions
Brita Heidemann, Germany – Fencing Olympic Champion
H.E. Yvette Lambin-Berti, Monaco – General Secretary, The Monaco Olympic Committee
Valerie Nicolas, France – Handball World Champion
(Photo: Giorgia Garinos, Britta Heidemann, Pierre Casiraghi, Yelena Ysinbayeva, Valerie Nicolas, HE Y. Lambin-Berti & Cheick Cisse @Sportel Press All Rights Reserved)
2019 Laureates
The audience applauded enthusiastically during the Golden Podiums ceremony rewarding the most beautiful sport videos of the year, as well as the Sports Book Prize-Renaud de Laborderie recognizing the best-illustrated sports book. (Photo: Pierre Casiraghi & Alain Prost with then ensemble of Golden Podium Award winners 2019 @Sportel All Rights Reserved)
Alain Prost recognized for his unparalleled career
For this anniversary edition, Sportel Awards honored Alain Prost, former French racing driver, and a four-time Formula One Driver’s Champion considered one of the greatest F1 drivers ever, who received The Sportel Lifetime Achievement Award 2019.  Previously presented to Didier Deschamps, the objective of this prize is to honor an international athlete for his sporting achievements.
Alain Prost with the Legend Award 2019 @Sportel All Rights Reserved
Alain Prost, Pierre Casiraghi and Didier Deschamps, Sportel Monaco 2019 Sportel Monaco 2019 @Sportel All Rights Reserved
Best Slow Motion Prize – Formula 1 – FORMULA 1, United Kingdom
vimeo
Discovery Prize (Supported by SEBMAN) – Mickey Corker – RED BULL MEDIA HOUSE GMBH, Austria
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Innovation Prize – Follow me X Irek Rizaev – Dino Raffault – SUPERSIZE FILMS, France
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Best Promotion Program Prize (Supported by CPC&Associes)–  Piotr Jasinski – EKSTRAKLASA LIVE PARK SP. Z O.O., Poland
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Advertising Prize – Christian Blachas – Aaron Stoller – BISCUIT FILMWORKS, USA
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Second Screen Prize – European Championships – Livelike & Eurovision, USA
Digital Prize (Supported by A.S. Monaco FC) – Swish Live – SAS SWISH LIVE, France
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Jury Prize – Presque Parfait (Almost Perfect) – Vincent Aix – CANAL+   – France
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SPECIAL PRIZES
Peace and Sport Documentary Prize – Jaime Murciego – JAIME MURCIEGO, Spain
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International Olympic Committee Grand Prize – Jones & tino – STINK FRANCE, France
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Book Prize Renaud de Laborderie – The Sports Book Prize (Supported by Monegasque Olympic Committee) – Senna Inedito – Pino Allievi, Roberto Boccafogli, Carlo Cavicchi, Giorgio Piola, Carlos Sanchez – Giorgio Nada Editore, Italy
Mark your calendars!
Next year’s sports business’ gathering will take place in the USA. After a two-year absence, SPORTEL will be returning to Miami from March 3-6, 2020, under a brand new format, with an additional day to be set aside for high-level conferences.
Today’s Quote
“Sports teaches you character; it teaches you to play by the rules; it teaches you to know what it feels like to win and lose; it teaches you about life.” Billie Jean King
SPORTEL Monaco celebrated 30th anniversary honoring legend Alain Prost At the cutting edge of the sports’ industry Sportel Monaco took place at the Grimaldi Forum from October 20-23, 2019, organized under the…
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dmnsqrl · 5 years
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Sometimes it is the little things I remember
Like Aaron leaping to the conclusion that because I make different choices than he does about whose invitations to accept on various social media sites that I "obviously" accept "everyone's" invitations.... and then pole-vault from THERE to what it MUST mean psychologically if someone accepts EVERYONE'S social media invites.... and base decisions about me on /that/
Lol, the vast number of people sitting in my pending areas on fb, twitter and instagram would beg to differ with Aaron
But then he doesn't let a little thing like actually communicating with people about choices that confuse him delay him from the much more emotionally satisfying option of coming up with excuses to decide they are dangerous to him
(Also see "obviously Alice must have an emotional need to keep her calendar shared with me and that means Alice poses a danger to my life" vs "Alice hasn't thought once about the fact I still had view access to the calendar since my rant about how I would never use Google calendar again... but acting like that forgotten permission grant was an immediate emergency Alice should be ordered to change reveals a lot about my continuing entitlement to control the actions of others which is both ridiculous and offensive")
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finnband18 · 6 years
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Finn Stuff
Great gigs on the weekend Canberra On Saturday thanks to Al and Tracey, and a bit of a sad one, Sunday as it was our last gig at the Home Tavern. The pub has been sold and Trevor is taking some time out to re asses. We have been playing at the Home Tavern for 12 years doing our first and last for the Wonderful Bigee Blues Club, The BBF will be ongoing in a new venue, Many thanks Trev for 12 years of support.
We were supposed to be at the Native Rose this Sunday but were double booked and will now be on the 16/12/18. Stormcellar are on this Sunday and I will be there to support, come and have a drink with me….the beer’s great
What About That 2669
Some strange things happening in this world, was a time when our countries leaders were the best and fairest….now we have Scum Mo.
What About That 2670
Probably going to annoy some with this, but our generation, whilst having some of the best minds are also the greediest generation ever….how did this happen, well I would suggest the self-funded retirement has a lot to do with it. Not suggesting you shouldn’t prepare for your retirement but it shouldn’t be mandatory.
When I was a kid 20% of the population gambled on the stock market, now that number would be up around 90% plus, and remember the Stock market is no fairer a guarantee than a punt on the horses and before you say aught, think back to 2008. Another one coming soon watch this space.
Jam Stuff
Don’t forget if you all bring a friend….(C’mon I know you have them), our numbers double.
Sign on 7.30 pm both venues
Wednesday on guitar Chris Turner and Bill Crossland on Bass as Al doing a gig with PJ O’Brien .
Grand crowds last week both venues good stuff
Musos Club jams website at:- http://jim0408.wixsite.com/musosclubjamnite
Celebrate New Year's Eve and welcome 2019 with dinner & party at The Vault Port Kembla. Dance and party the night away with the fabulous Kerrie Sweeney and her band, with special support performance by Veronique Sweeney DE Havilland.
Tickets $100 per person at www.vault.events or 0468 405 833.
The gags. #1 I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed. My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!" The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs. My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't" What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. #2 A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired! Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it. When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream? As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path. And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". John came fifth and won a toaster. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it! What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish. #3 Xmas jokes What happens to elves when they behave naughty? Santa gives them the sack. What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap. Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no-body to go with. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A Mince Spy! What says 'Oh Oh Oh'? Santa walking backwards! What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish. What do zombies eat with their Christmas dinner? Grave-y. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws! What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrot? What’s the best Christmas Present? A broken drum - you can't beat it. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners? Rude-alph! Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly! What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia! Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho, ho, ho. What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck? A Christmas Quacker! What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers! Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles! What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas Advent Calendar? He got 25 days! #5 What is Santa's dogs name? Santa Paws! What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow. What never eats at Christmas dinner? The turkey – it’s stuffed. Where does Santa stay when he is on holiday? At a Ho-ho-ho-tel. What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May? A puddle! Did you know that Rudolph the Reindeer never went to school? He was elf taught. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve! What do snowmen usually wear on their heads? Ice caps! Where do you find chilli beans? At the north pole! What is a librarians favourite Christmas song? Silent Night What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling? An elfcicle! What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? Holly Davidson. Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it 'soots' him! How do you know Santa is good at karate? He has a black belt! What do you call an old snowman? Water. What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing - it was on the house! What does Santa say at the start of a race? Ready, set, Ho! Ho! Ho! Where do snowmen keep money? In a snow bank. What type of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas. Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman? Because he is so cool! What do you call a cat on Christmas Eve? Sandy Claws. #6 Knock knock. Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Merry Christmas. Knock knock. Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use - I've forgotten my name! Knock knock. Who's there? Hannah. Hannah who? Hannah partridge in a pear tree! #7 A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence..........then a shot is heard. The redneck's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what? #8 Different slant same joke. A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her purse, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" "No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping", the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in more than 20 years!" "Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight." The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine!
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