#Plus cannibal mask for fun

[dankovskaya]

I had a little more in me so I decided to do a quick portrait to announce that Noah Luis Brown is my definitive Jason face

[4ndr3ax10]

Perhaps what i needed was some of you

Angel dust x Male reader one shot with a lotta angst.

Word count: 576

Some days Hell was not as bad as it seemed; sure, you had the constant company of the worst people ever—the fire, the crime, the exterminations, and whatnot.

This was not one of those days. In fact, you had been living like shit for quite a while now; getting kicked out of your ratty apartment, getting beat up left and right for numerous debts, and the gang of cannibals that tried to eat you like 2 days ago were indeed not fun at all.

At your wits end, you tried the last of your options, the Hazbin Hotel. You always thought it was a lost cause and most likely a scam, but oh well, it's not like you had any money to get scammed in the first place, so you gave it a try, already expecting the worst. Plus, you heard that there was a famous porn star staying there or something.

A few weeks go by.

Man, trying to be a better person is hard. All the fun stuff is now off the limits, for fuck's sake: no street fights, no drugs, no stealing, no throwing turds at people passing by.

And yet you stayed there; could it be for the free housing? Yeah, somewhat, but what really kept you there was angel dust. You two were practically best buddies at this point; it felt as if you both were made from the same cloth. You bonded right away, be it when trying to get off of Charlie's incessant group exercises, when clubbing, when one of you felt vulnerable, or when trying to smuggle some coke in the hotel.

Your room was adjacent to his; you heard him crying so much late at night when he thought no one could listen, and in truth, you were ashamed of yourself. One of the only people in this god-forgotten place that cares about you, that you care about, is behind a wall crying themselves to sleep every night, and you did nothing.

This guilt in yourself was heavy; each night out with him, you could not let your mind abandon thoughts that made your heart sink. How the most resilient person you knew could be so broken made you feel pity for him because you knew you couldn't understand his pain.

Over time, as you grew closer together, you recognized that you had feelings for him a long time ago, and now you were tired of him crying in the night looking for something—anything—to make this stop. So you started to talk to him when he cried in the middle of the night, to let him spill himself open. At first, he was strongly against this, as this was the only thing he knew to do when he was hurt. struggle

But slowly, bit by bit, his mask came undone. You felt a sense of relief like no other, a feeling warmer than heroin now that Angel had someone to talk to, someone who could be there at his lowest, someone to whom he could show his beaten and humiliated but still alive real self.

And so one day, right after dinner, you said it, loud and clear, "I love you." As you looked him in the eyes, you took a gamble: will Angel Dust or will Anthony reply? You were caught in a wave of gentle but potent euphoria as Anthony hugged you with tears in his eyes and laid arms on your back, one stroking your hair. "I love you too.".

[yowyowyaoi]

Kisame’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Deidara

Me and Tobi found a big muddy hole full of earthworms, let’s go fishing! 😁

We finished it last night, sorry 

I was just teasing him!

Exploding or boring?

Not a tea person but thanks anyway 

LMAOOO he probably pissed himself 🤣

Pls tell Itachi I’m not gonna hurt her I just want to pet her for a while!

Leader said he’ll kill us if we do it again so no probably not 😓

You gotta use the conditioner too or else it won’t be effective 

I’ll ask him but he don’t really like places like that. Says they’re too happy 🙄

From Hidan

If you have two does that mean one sleeps while the other fucks or ?

No offense but it’s literally so boring I can’t sit still that long 

I would say he’s giving you blue balls but.

Can’t imagine giving a shit but 🤷‍♂️

Tried that once. Got the mask halfway off and suddenly felt like I was drowning. Never again.

Old bastard said no 😑

You need to watch him he takes like two bites and pushes the plate away 

How? Half of us are gay half are insane and some are both 🤣

One dick, two dicks, your dicks, BLUE dicks! Lol get it??

From Sasori

Thanks but water erodes my “skin”.

I’m done reading it, you can borrow if you like.

Please make sure he puts on sunscreen he’s too stubborn to listen to me.

Don’t really remember all that well but I believe it was ice cream.

He has to *want* treatment and so far he’s turned down every offer Kakuzu or myself has made.

They make for more appealing puppets if they have some unique physical characteristic while they’re still living.

I’ll probably marry him some day but first he has to work on not blowing himself to bits.

Oh of course. You know you don’t need to ask.

From Kakuzu

Hey I almost beat you and I’m 60+ years your senior.

Just this once … no charge. Worth it to see him freak out like that.

I’m not very well-versed in animal anatomy but I can take a look and try my best.

EVERYBODY pays. Itachi too.

Fits nice. My thanks.

This place is falling apart, if it’s not one thing it’s another.

It’s annoying but I don’t see any serious long-term effects.

From Konan

That’s so sweet, thank you ☺️ 

Write down the exact kind for me, I’ll pick it up the next time I go to the market.

He’s a sweetheart isn’t he? 🥰

I’ll take your word for it, but ducks are so cute I don’t think I could eat one.

Come to my room I have some eye drops that’ll help him.

If I let that happen no work would ever be done and they’d likely kill each other.

So many miles, with these heels it’s hard on my feet.

If you want it that rare then there’s really no point to me cooking it at all 😒

At this point the yelling has become background music.

Me on one shoulder and Itachi on the other. You big show-off 😁

From Tobi/Obito

You only beat me because Deidara distracted me!

Forty cookies isn’t even that many. Plus Itachi ate two more.

Kakuzu said to earn the money myself so I stole one of his bounties 🤷🏻‍♂️

Itches. A LOT.

Can’t stand tea but if you have any hot chocolate, yeah.

You should hang out with Zetsu more often then. Like one never-ending picnic.

He really wants to go but I don’t have a pole. You have a spare?

Yeah but he might let us get a fish-tank if YOU said you needed it, like for health or something 

Sushi? Isn’t that cannibalism?!

Fuck him AND his perfect ass. Literally and figuratively.

Don’t give me that “kid” shit, we’re like the same age!

From Zetsu

You want to split that guy’s leg with me? He was very fat, lots of good meat 😋

He’s a good man but doesn’t his dubious emotional state concern you?

It’s a lot like hearing two voices at once. Constantly. 

It’s no fun if they don’t scream a bit first. You know this.

I did the scouting; that lake about five miles up the road is both deep and fairly clean.

Let’s hide under his bed and scare him. I bet money we can get him to soil himself while crying for that damn Jashin 🤣

From Nagato

I thank you for the tea. It helped me to sleep.

Well, keep an eye on him.

The pain is worse when I stand but Sasori is working on prosthetics for me that may solve the problem.

As long as you return in time for your next mission.

Get that looked at as soon as possible. We can’t afford to have you out of commission.

I do, but she deserves so much better than myself.

I’ll speak to Kakuzu about getting you a new one.

If you two are going to do that, please keep it away from our hideouts. It disturbs Konan to hear the screaming.

From Itachi

I ate this morning. Promise.

That wasn’t Hidan’s fault, I’d forgotten to take my pill so my reflexes were slow.

Just consider it. Uchiha Kisame. Say it out loud. It’s beautiful 😌

Can you check if I left that shirt in your room?

Dei and I went there last night. The manager banned us for life because Dei set off a C3 in the men’s room. 😑

Fine. You buy the skirt I’ll “model” it for you.

Sad. Come stay with me please.

You worry too much.

That picture is for YOUR EYES ONLY. 

Aww what do you mean? Kitty loves you she’s not trying to eat you!

It’s one that Konan gave me. It’s really good you’d probably like it too.

Tea?

I didn’t *fall* in, he *pushed* me. Big difference.

Mom taught me when I was younger. I can teach you too if you want.

You’re mine too. Always ❤️

[spitdrunken]

currently i'm really busy with writing for my thesis, which unfortunately leaves me with little creative juice... ive been engaging with other people's creations a lot more rather than writing for myself, but have some assorted thoughts on things ive enjoyed recently below, for anyone who is interested. feel free to send me asks about anything that's mentioned, but because of the above, might take me a bit to get back to u <3!

these aren't really x reader thoughts, just rambling! if you read this, thank u, i am giving you a kiss on your forehead/hug/fistbump/handshake/whatever words of affirmation you have been wanting to hear today. pick your favorite!

(Pokephilia mention) Pokémon Legends Z's announcement!! It'll be forever until it's released (which, as a true Pokémon fan, I'm very happy about BAHAHAH), but I'm so excited! Very curious how they are planning to implement, what seems to be, citybuilder elements... If Emmet shows up in this game, I'm going to be super delighted, but I honestly doubt it. Either way, it's made me think a bit more about the twins, and Poképhilia stuff in general as well! It's such a shame/pain the main tag is blocked... one day I will start and stick to my intention to write, like, porn about all the Pokémon, haha. A dream...

(cannibalism(????) monster eating??? mention. consensual!) Dungeon Meshi really was as much fun as everyone mentioned! Don't really see myself writing fic about it, except for a very specific idea I had... I like the thought of Laois 'obsessed with eating monsters' Touden got to meet a monster (AKA Reader) who is equally obsessed with the idea of being eaten!! Maybe a mermaid, or something like that? It's his one chance to eat a humanoid monster! Though the others probably won't believe him when they tell him that it was 100% consensual, and are judging him harshly LMAO

Welcome Home updated! Very happy about this. Though I don't connect them publically, I actually have written quite a bit of WH fic and my sfw sideblog for it used to have more followers than this one LMAOO. Maybe one day I'll write NSFW works for it, but I dunno if there's interest... Plus, I very much fall underneath people the creator would consider 'unwelcome' in their squeaky-clean fandom or whatever, but they have like a quarter million followers now, lol. Anyway, Wally is, as has been said many times before, the Most! He draws me in <3

And also, poor Eddie, lmao. It's very interesting to me, with the inclusion of the Narrator, that the characters seem to be forced to steer in a specific direction, if that makes sense? To upkeep a certain mask. I wonder if 'as above, so below' is a reference to that, in the sense that whatever is dictated by the stronger forces of narrative, is what shall occur 'below'-- In their world. Like, the animosity some of these puppets have for each other!!!!! Some of them are just straight up Not Friends, lmao.

I need to play more of it, but if anyone is reading this, go play I Was A Teenage Exocolonist. I expected it to be waaaay more popular, especially on Tumblr, but it's so underrated? The writing is wonderful, the characters are well-defined, and the art is breathtaking! Please take a look at the trigger warnings, cuz there are a few that are definitely applicable, but it's soooo good... If it has to be said, I romanced Dys first, lmao.

I am watching The Apothecary Diaries right now, just started today, and can I jsut say... I'm such a fan of all the women in this show!! I love the perspective it gives on court life a lot! Maomao definitely is pulling in all the men AND women, huh.... i appreciate that. Jinshi also 100% wants to get degraded by her, huh. Maomao is the sexywoman of this show.

[wolfoftheblackflames]

Hi guys, thanks so much for the reblogs and likes on my fanfics! Here's my own Sinner Oc her name is Kerryn and this is her backstory. Enjoy!

She's a sinner with the potential to become an overlord, who died via a huge explosion she caused taking vengeance on some big wig assholes who tortured her little brother for fun, and burned the house she lived in with her mother still inside. She showed remorse for her actions choosing to die in said explosion when she saw innocents getting killed in the crossfire chaos.

Kerryn is supposed to resemble a dragon which in most terms is wrath and chaos, but has big wings much like a valkyrie due to her killing out of vengeance. Her main power includes explosive magic which can cause massive damage if unchecked.

Kerryn when alive used to live in Chicago with her parents and little brother Brom, but an accident occurred forcing the family to flee to Moose Jaw. This accident involved her father Jaeger when he brutalized a woman in the woods and fed his dark primal cannibal urges. He would often beat Kerryn's kind hearted mother Johanna, however when he found Kerryn trying to stop him, he went after the children, Kerryn stepped up to protect her family and stabbed her father in the chest, her eyes losing their innocent shine as this was the beginning of her damning her soul at the age of seven.

Finally free from his abuse the family fled to Moose Jaw, living in a small run down home for awhile, with Johanna recovering and the family starving, Kerryn used her small yet speedy body to steal food from places plus money from people to pay the rent. Her mother, unable to work due to injury, became a sex worker, prowling among the streets if it meant her children were fed. Kerryn snuck into her local junkyard to train since she had to protect her mother and little brother now, becoming a fast and hard hitting street fighter as a result.

Kerryn, now seventeen and ready to fight with her five foot seven frame, managed to take down guys that were bigger than her when they tried to start shit. She had no warmth in her eyes. They had become colder and dull with each fight, which she left her attackers begging for mercy at the end of it. Kerryn held no interest in love or sex for anyone, her human skin pale but often coated with grime, her brown hair short to keep others from pulling it in a fight, and her clothes almost ragged with a rotten old shirt and pants to keep her warm. Her soft, innocent brown eyes had become stern and fierce with several scars littering her lean built frame.

She was known as “The Dragon” or “Draco” for her fierce prowess as she was often mistaken for a man due to how she always kept her soft sounding voice quiet.

However, a fateful encounter turned her living hell into somewhat bearable. Kerryn was out with her mask on ready to steal to help her family, she managed to sneak into one of her targets homes, a big wig man named Mortes, what she didn't expect however was that the man had a daughter her age. At first, Kerryn crept around while the guards patrolled the halls, keeping hidden and quiet, until she ducked into a room that had the daughter inside. The girl was afraid as one of the guards was attempting to assault her. Kerryn then stabbed the man’s neck, ending his life with a quick jab and carefully tossing his corpse out the window.

Brown cold eyes met innocent, scared greenish blue. At first, the daughter was afraid but then realized Kerryn did it to save her, causing her small shaking frame to calm down a little. Reminded of her little brother, Kerryn softens and goes over only to lightly pet the other teen on the head and whisper comforting words to the other girl.

It was because of that event Kerryn had for the first time a friend to call her own, slowly becoming softer and kind. The daughter she later learned was named Hazel and had been sickly her entire life. The two bonded in the small room with Hazel bringing some of that innocence back to the cold emptiness that had become Kerryn's heart as it had been trying to come out more around her family, her treasure.

Hazel had started to become a part of the treasure hoard as Kerryn kept coming back to her, The Dragon had finally found peace in those slender arms, and a warm gaze with her own warmth bursting out like an explosion. Awkward yet brave, Kerryn told Hazel about this strange new feeling burning inside and that she liked it only for the smaller five foot teen to reply she felt the same way and gave her a soft peck to the cheek.

It was later Hazel realized she was damned. She was having feelings for another woman, straying far from her Father's Christian teachings. Kerryn tried to comfort her but was caught by Mortes, who looked furious. It became a scuffle as the older man tried to rip the two apart, however when Kerryn was beaten down, Hazel shook and tried to stop her father only to make the man slip out the window and impale himself on the fence spike below.

Hazel froze and started to shake. Kerryn, despite having a bloody nose, rushed over and held Hazel close. “You can't stay here… You have to go.” Those words rang in Kerryn's head, but the other girl replied with a soft pleading. “Come with me then.”

Hazel sobbed but winced her chest, hurting again. “I can't. Otherwise, I would.” Her voice was strained as she looked around for her medicine but stopped. “Please let me just lay here with you. That's all I want.”

That night, Kerryn watched her first ever love kill and then be punished for it, falling into death's embrace. She knew Hazel had a weak heart, but once footsteps were heard and Kerryn was found, her back turned to the man that was Hazel's Uncle. She left behind the body she wished she could've taken with her.

This spurred the brother of Mortes, Francis to hunt Kerryn down, taking glee in making her suffer, first with the fire that killed the mother, and then second with an explosion that killed the little brother. Kerryn broke and stormed the place, littering it with explosives, her heart torn in pieces, her mind rushing with wrath and pride. Pride to be the one to take down her family's killer and wrath because of the vengeance she brought down.

[dark-side-blog3]

Hey I am back found your new account. I am curious what do you think of masked slashers. I am turned on by masked men. I am curious on you thoughts of a slasher au.

Mmm I like some slashers— idk if it’s the mask that I like though. I just like the slasher au of jojo because you’re more likely to get the body horror stuff that’s canon typical, and then some. Plus a far amount of slasher au have cannibals, which is always fun to read and write.

As for slasher movies, I like em alright! The Candyman and My Bloody Valentine are my favourites!

Again, it’s not the mask that I go nuts for. Candyman doesn’t even wear a mask. I think the things I like about both films are different… Slasher isn’t even my favourite horror genre though. It’s just a genre that’s neat!

[meatmutt-sfw]

if they were in a band | slashers

back on this bafoonary thanks to @ thomashewittsgf on tiktok >:)

pairing(s): none; just michael, thomas, and selective mute!vincent in a band together

warning(s): none :)

✰ with michael on lead guitar & backing & screams, thomas on bass & main vocals, and vincent on drums, things can be pretty interesting

✰ despite the fact they lowkey hated one another at the beginning of it, they agreed on one thing: the band’s genre would be some sort of metal

✰ on stage, it takes them a while to really get comfortable with preforming, realizing that every one thinks their mask are part of the show so they didn’t care that they wore them

✰ once they did get comfortable, they’d interact on stage and with the crowd—one that grew seemingly over night

✰ yes i’m basing these off my playlists i made for them from this shut up

✰ michael was first drawn to bass, only to realize he preferred guitar over it since its easier to sound angry on

✰ he definitely is able to sing a bit higher than thomas, but not by a whole lot, just enough to be able to do high harmony for some songs

✰ LOW METAL VOCALS <33 like seriously i mean he learned from cannibal corpse so ofc they’re gonna be good, though he’s still trynna master higher screams since then they could cover more songs that way

✰ thomas really likes the bass since his fingers are a bit thicker and so are the strings so it’s easier to handle in his opinion, plus he prefers what bit of background he gets with it since he’s their lead singer too

✰ i feel like he would have peter steele (he deserves to be 6ft under after the shit that came outta his mouth) type vocals—i.e very deep and strong yet soft in a way—and would be working on meta screams with mikey’s help so he can be more helpful to the band and not have to depend on mikey constantly

✰ vincent literally takes after joey jordison idcidc

✰ meaning: he learned all he needed to know from joey by covering songs and listening to them on repeat to hear every little thing

✰ he’d love to do some sort vocals but he gets too nervous on stage and his vocal chords lock up and no sound comes out so he tends to just stay safe behind his drumset; one of which would be very impressive since i feel like he’d go out of his way just to get one zil-bell even if he never uses it

✰ though he can’t do them on stage, michael and thomas know that he has a good voice with a raspy voice and can manage fry vocals pretty well

✰ overall, the band is a bit of a mess behind the scenes but they manage to have fun on stage and not let their personal biases get in the way of putting on a show

other slasher works.

meatmutt-sfw © 2021 all rights reserved.

[torikengel]

Thomas Hewitt x Reader (Part 8)

Thomas quickly took out his mask and put it back in its place. He couldn’t face Hoyt without it as he would probably mock and tease him. You held your breath, as you didn’t want to panic. It would be okay, right? Thomas was right next to you, there’s no way you would die now.

“Thomas Brown Hewitt.” Hoyt hissed. “What do you think you are doing with it?” he pointed the gun at you.

It. IT? Seriously, you were just a thing for this guy. You trembled, fearing for your life. You didn’t dare to make a sound, but you instinctively hid behind Thomas. Hoyt smirked at your reaction, he was having fun making you feel uncomfortable and threatened.

“So, now that she got her last wish, it’s time to butcher ‘er. We’re short on meat anyway.” He cocked his head back and laughed. He sent shivers down your spine; you could feel the cold sweat trailing down your skin. Thomas growled at Hoyt and protectively covered your body with his.

“Now, now, Tommy boy, don’t even try to act up again. I am the head of this family, and you will listen to everythin’, I say!” he sneered.

“Either take her to the basement, or I am taking her to my room to get some use of her.” Hoyt stepped towards you and Thomas to take you away.

Your heart was racing like never before. Now you were extremely mad at yourself for not trying to escape. Your attempts to stay alive were all futile, you thought. Thomas, however, had different plans. He didn’t back off but stepped up to Hoyt, letting him put the gun at him. He knew that Hoyt was bluffing; he would never shoot Thomas as he wouldn’t have anyone to do the dirty work for him.

“Step aside, Tommy boy.” Hoyt snickered and put the gun down. “Come one, it’s just a piece of meat, it’s like all the other girls before. Ya can’t believe that she would like ya. Look at ‘er pretty face and then look in the mirror.” He mocked Thomas. Thomas’s confidence crumbled. He was big and strong, yes, but he was still very self-conscious about his appearance, and it didn’t help that his family except Luda made fun of him like this. This put Hoyt on a pedestal.

“See, now that’s a good boy. Uncuff that bitch and lemme have her for a while before butcherin’ her.” Hoyt scoffed.

“Thomas isn’t ugly… don’t talk to him like this…” you said with a trembling voice. It pained you to hear how Hoyt talked to Thomas. Like he was worse than a dog. Hoyt’s eyes widened. He was shocked by your exclamation but quickly responded. “My my did no one ever taught you manners, missy? Don’t meddle in other family’s business.”

“I’ve heard enough.” A female voice interrupted your conversation with Hoyt. “I told you that you wouldn’t speak like this about Thomas.” Luda Mae ranted. “Plus, it’s not appropriate in front of our guest.” She scolded Hoyt. Hoyt was furious. “Guest?” he hissed as he looked at your face.

“Yes, y/n is our guest right now. I won’t let you hurt her unless she does something Tommy doesn’t like.” She exclaimed calmly. She could let Hoyt treat everyone like garbage, even herself, but definitely not her son.

“Now, dinner is ready, please come in,” she said and disappeared into the kitchen again. Hoyt followed her back inside without a word. Thomas led you to the table and uncuffed you, so you both could sit down. You could hear the voices from the kitchen.

“What do you think you are doin’ woman?” Hoyt angrily asked Luda. “I am doin’ what’s best for ma son.” She replied. You looked at Thomas, who had that pained expression again. You grabbed his hand under the table. Despite fearing for your life, your heart ached when you saw him in this state. You remembered his sweet smile when he looked at you, and he seemed happy… now he had sorrow in his eyes. “Thank you, Tommy.” You tried to console him. You tightened the grip on his hand… your hand was so much smaller than his that his palm completely enveloped yours.

*

*

The dinner was quiet and awkward. You finished your plate as you didn’t want to stir the pot more by refusing the meat, even if it made you a cannibal too. After eating, Thomas led you into your room, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t make a sound, and after you sat on the bed, he bolted out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Hoyt’s words marked him… such a cruel man, you thought. You deeply exhaled and lied down on the bed. It was a long day, and you were tired from all the walking and the ever-present danger. You were so startled and confused by everything that you didn’t even realize that you were uncuffed and fell asleep in no time.

*

You woke up in the middle of the night… “What a terrible nightmare.” You murmured and rubbed your tired eyes. You looked around to find yourself in the room, that was your personal prison. After contemplating it for a while, you decided to stand up, only to find out that you are basically free. You carefully inspected your wrists and ankles, not being able to grasp the reality of being unshackled. “I bet it’s just a dream.” You said as you decided to pinch yourself, but then you realized that this indeed is happening. You tiptoed to the door and placed your ear onto the door to check if someone is awake. After being unable to hear a thing, you gained the confidence to open the door. The hallway was so dark; you could barely see anything. You crept down the stairs, trying not to make any sound. After you finally managed to go down the stairs, you darted to the main door. Your freedom was right before you. Just turn the doorknob and run was all you had to do. One door separating you from getting your life back. You hesitantly placed your hand on the doorknob… your heart was beating so fast, adrenaline rushing through your veins. It was here again, exactly what happened when you could’ve escaped earlier the previous day. But now Thomas wasn’t here to stop you… Thomas. His name echoed in the back of your mind as you remembered his expression when he glanced at you during the dinner. “Thomas…” you whispered for yourself. You couldn’t understand your fixation on this man, your captor—dangerous murderer. You touched your lips as you remembered the kiss and then the familiar tingling in your stomach. “I am foolish.” You facepalmed and giggled at your incompetence.

“Unbelievable…” you gasped. The hand that was on the doorknob fell down, and you walked away from the door, defeated by your own feelings. You wondered around the house only to find the door to the basement. You didn’t think twice before sneaking inside as quietly as possible.

*

You found Thomas leaning on one of the tables. He was so busy rethinking everything that he didn’t pay attention to any noises you might’ve made. Plus, he was tired as well. He just couldn’t sleep. “Tommy.” You whispered, trying not to make him panic. Well, he did anyway. He immediately snapped back into reality and ran straight at you. “Shhhh.” You placed a finger on your lips. “Your footsteps might wake someone up.” You exclaimed calmly, despite Thomas looking scary. He was used to chasing people who suddenly appeared in the house. He was confused… did he forget to cuff you? If so, what were you doing in the basement? Why didn’t you escape?

“I couldn’t sleep…” you said sheepishly and looked at him.

Thomas nodded in agreement.

You looked around before your gaze shifted back to Thomas again. This basement… here you met Thomas for the first time, here you were on the brink of death. The horrible smell of death wasn’t as noticeable, and the blood was nowhere to be found. You could see Thomas’s confusion in his radiant blue eyes. It was dark in the basement, except for one ray of moonlight shining through a small window that you didn’t notice was here before.

“You look great in the moonlight.” You blushed as you saw Thomas’s features without the mask highlighted.

Thomas was mesmerized by your gorgeous face in this atmosphere too. You had sparkles in your big e/c eyes too, so beautiful. You gently smiled at him and stepped towards him. He didn’t wear the bloody apron now, and you really thought he looked… attractive? He wasn’t handsome in any conventional way, but something about him just dragged you towards this man. As you were close enough that you could hear your nervous breaths, you cupped his cheeks and pressed your lips on his. Thomas, still a bit inexperienced, just leaned towards you and held you around your waist. You gained a bit of confidence and made way into his mouth with your tongue to kiss him more passionately. Thomas was surprised, but he let you as he loved everything you did to him. He just melted into the kiss and tried to copy your moves. After your lips parted, you were both panting. You looked at him with lust in your eyes. He made you so crazy about him. You wanted him so much that you were willing to sacrifice your freedom and your whole life with him. You could’ve escaped, but here you were kissing a killer… but you really thought that he had pure heart, he was misunderstood, society turned him into a monster. But with you, he was protective and caring… he spared your life. Your needs and emotions clouded your judgment. You wrapped your arms around his neck and desperately kissed him again while running your fingers through his hair. It was hard for Thomas to keep up as he never experienced anything like this, but he let you lead it. For him, it was the most beautiful moment of his life. It was so perfect that he thought he fell asleep after all, and this was just a dream.

“Tommy… I-“ you whimpered after you pulled back, gasping for air. You wanted him but couldn’t bring yourself to say it out loud. It was embarrassing… You were ashamed of your behavior and ruining your chance to run away, but you couldn’t deny your feelings. You grabbed him by the tie and then untied it. Then your fingers slipped to the buttons of his shirt as you started unbuttoning it. Thomas never felt more anxious. He knew what the outcome of this could be, but he was still new to all this. His heart was pounding so fast he thought that it might explode, and heat rushed to his cheeks, making him blush.

“It’s okay, Tommy… tell me if you want me to stop.” You whispered and looked at him. Thomas shook his head. He wanted you too. Even if he was scared, he was also completely infatuated by you.

After you were done with his shirt, you could see his bare upper body for the first time. He really was so big and ripped… your heart skipped as you gazed at him. You passionately kissed him again and then made a trail of kisses down his neck to collar bone. Thomas quietly moaned when he felt your warm lips against his skin. Then you stepped back and looked at him. “Are you sure you want this?” you weren’t sure if this question was really directed at Thomas or yourself.

Thomas nodded and smiled at you.

an: I am sorry for not posting a new chapter earlier, but I will redeem myself and post some NSWF tomorrow in the next one <3 

[itsclydebitches]

witcher 1 is a very ambitious game by a much smaller studio at the time. It's kind of a broken buggy nightmare limited by the inexperience and money CDPR had going into it. Plus just the tech at the time to limits. Witcher games are unique in that all 3 feel very different. I'm surprised you can even play 1 after starting with 3. They were very much trying their own thing hence the amnesia start and make it possible to enjoy without having read the books.

I actually tried Witcher 1 first because I usually prefer to work through things by chronological release, but the combat system turned me off so much I returned it to Steam. Since I finished 3 and now adore the world/cast, I decided that my desperate need for more Witcher content outweighed my initial displeasure. I’m really glad I gave it another shot. Putting some more time and effort into it, I was surprised to realize that the combat system isn’t actually that bad. I just hadn’t caught onto the fact that it’s about timing - you can’t spam your button/mouse like you usually might. 

So yeah, there’s a lot about the game that, as you say, is a buggy nightmare. It’s not the sort of thing I’d recommend to someone unless, like me, they already have a love of Witcher to soften those issues. Or just have an overall appreciation for games that will allow them to see what CDPR achieved under those limitations. Though I have to say, for all its problems and comparative awfulness next to 3... I’m finding the experience incredibly charming. The fact that this was an ambitious game for the time and company definitely helps, but even beyond that I think 1 has a lot going for it. The world still feels rich and (despite the danger) inviting. I’m still thinking through the choices I make (just finished up with the cannibal in the swamp). The people are still engaging even if there are basically three character models used. Dice is still fun even though it’s no Gwent. I still feel an emotional connection to these characters even though Zoltan now looks like something out of a nightmare lol 

alkdjfalsfj it’s the eyes

You can tell when a game was once really good though. You can tell when it’s primarily “bad” now because the industry has improved over a 13 year period. There’s a reason why games like Monkey Island, Redguard, Mask of Eternity, Diablo 2, etc. remain compelling to me long after we’ve crafted far “better” games. I think Witcher 1 is one of those. No, it’s no 3... but I don’t regret the time I’m putting into it either.

[petitelepus]

Hi! Is it alright if I have a DBD Killer matchup please? I’m a smol girl of about 4’11” with short dark brown hair, slightly wide hips, and light tannish skin. I like staying up late because it’s quiet and no one bothers me. I try practice putting on SFX makeup and collect a lot of plushies. I’m pretty lazy at times but I get things done if needed. I watch horror movies but get too scared to watch them alone, plus it’s more fun being scared with others. By the way love your DBD writing!

I match you with Bubba "Junior" Sawyer aka Cannibal!

Bubba saw many people back in Texas where his family lived, killed, and ate those trespassing people. There were fat people, skinny people, tall people, and short people, but never as short as you! He is taken aback by your sheer size and how you run and sneak past all the Killers with your superior agility and skills. One moment he thinks he has you cornered but when he blinks you're gone like you were never there.

There is a reason Bubba dislikes the Trials with you in them.

All Survivors have their quirks and abilities that help them survive, just like Killers have their own but your quirk appears to lie beneath your make-up abilities. Bubba hears rustling in the bushes and moves to investigate when you jump out and screech like the Spirit. Your face is covered in gory make-up and combined with that scream Bubba nearly has a heart attack. You stun Killers. While he tries to calm down, you take your chance and run off to help others with generators.

Bubba is weak against surprise attacks, scared, and especially jumpscares. So when you one time scared him in a bad spot, he actually falls on his knees and covers his head. You stop in confusion and see the absolutely horrified look on the Killer's face... Or, well, a face that peeked through the flesh mask. Bubba bellows like a hurt cattle and you have to hold your ears in pain. Did you break him? Can you break the Killers?

You try to calm him down by shushing and you're starting to panic when you see him act like that. A horn rings and that's the sign that the gates were open, but you couldn't leave. Not with Bubba screaming and scaring you into thinking you had permanently hurt him. It was almost worse than being chased down during the Trials.

"Shhh, shhh!" You hiss, "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I scared you, don't cry!"

Bubba hears you because his animalistic noises calm down into whimpering and teary eyes. You actually feel your heartache when you see this huge man, who appears more sensitive than he originally let on. He shows more humanity than any other Killer you have seen. You rub your face with a rag and erase the gory make-up and Bubba seems to calm down more now that you look like a human.

Oh no. You were scary small, but now you're cute small. Bubba babbles something gibberish and with lighting fast reflexes you didn't know he possessed, he snatched you up and hugged you close to his body. Thinking you're going to get killed, you screamed, and that scared Bubba into letting you go because he thought he just hurt you with his strength and you take the chance to run and abandon the Trial grounds as the last Survivor.

You bring Bubba up to other Survivors and they mention how someone wrote about Cannibal being a scared Killer who doesn't kill for joy like certain someones do. You accept everything you learn about him and think about deploying all your new knowledge.

Next time Bubba and you meet, you make sure there is a safe distance between the two of you when you raise your hands and say that you want to talk. Just talk, no jump scares or loud noises. Bubba is skeptical... But he slowly puts his chainsaw down. He will keep the mace in case you change your mind and decide to scare him.

The two of you sit together on a log and you make small talk with him. Tell him about your life before the Mist and Bubba notices you perk up when you mention your large plushie collection back at home. Home... Bubba misses his home and brothers, even Drayton, despite the fact that the eldest Sawyer brother would sometimes hit him with a broom if he saw it fit. You must have family back there which you miss.

So next time the two of you meet, Bubba runs at you and you bolt, sure that this time he will hit and sacrifice you, but he waves his arms at you. He doesn't have his chainsaw or mace so you stop running and carefully approach him. Bubba babbles happily and takes something behind his back and presents it to you.

It's a ragdoll that no doubt has your short hair and figure. You awe at the doll and ask him if you can touch it. He nods excitedly and gives you the doll and it's soft. You have no idea what he used to fill it up with, but it's soft and very nice. You thank him with teary eyes and Bubba feels happy that he could make you happy.

You and Bubba start meeting outside Trials and you share your love for horror with him, but not so surprisingly, he isn't good with horror things like ghosts, zombies, or such. Nubbins used to tell scary stories like that and sometimes during midnight there would be horror stories on the radio. But when Bubba is scared, you coo at him and kiss him to make him brave again.

Bubba promises to never misuse your affection towards him, but it doesn't stop him from pecking the top of your head lovingly.

[grotesquegabby]

Might be a long answer but I wanted to ask X3 What is your opinion about every single killer in DBD?

awe shiet~ here is the list and how I feel x3

GhostFace: I just played against him and seeing him run by all I could say ahh its the sexyman himself mmmmmm.. x3 I love Ghostface but I make a lot of them mad but they arent the only killer I make mad. x3 I leved mine on the switch up to level 6 but still havent played as him. I cant wait~ They do be sneaky which makes sense its Ghostface. I also like going up against him cause the sound of his knife swing is just (9 u^u)9 beautiful~

The Shape/Micheal Myers: big and beefy mmm those broad shoulders~ Its terrifying going up against him cause just like Ghostface kind of a small terror radius plus his theme music gives me feelings. Not all of them terrifying x3 lol anyway~....for some reason Ive ended up as the obsession more often with Micheal. Lucky me? x3

The Executioner/Pyramid Head: They nerfed his ass because it was too powerful, and only a few people still have that skin for pyramid head. Bring back his ass! (9 *O*)9 ahhhhh, but mm I like him, Ive been I think...moried by Pyramid head twice. ANd hes the only killer to have moried me at the moment. He moried me each time because I pissed off whoever was playing him x3 I kept being a ...distraction.

The Trapper: Ive played against some new trappers and recently some who played him really really well. Ive heard a little of his story and eee sounds like a daddys boy. Really looks up to his dad and it did not seem like a healthy role model whatsoever but im still working on getting story since I havent played as killer just yet. Gotta be in the right mind set. uwu But this is an alright killer its easy for me to avoid traps and usually get out of them if I have Feng as my character.

The Wraith: Ive had....a time with the wraith. Recently a lot of good players have been the wraith and its frustrating but this is a killer i do feel kind of bad for. I wish I knew how the wraith became the wraith and looking like how he do but his little backstory got me feeling bad for him. But damn his invisible ass be making me mad x3 Like theres a survivor right there but no you gotta come at me. maybe he knows something about me that the survivors dont i dont know x3

The Hillbilly: I dont know if Ive won against the hillbilly but his story makes me feel bad for him too. His parents got what was coming to them. But poor guy part of mes like cant we just show this killer some love and compassion and maybe he can be better ;7; but hes gotten me a lot x3

The Nurse: The nurse i find to actually be an easier killer to face cause she moves pretty slowly but the last one I faced downed two survivors and stood right by them waiting for me and the other person still standing to come heal them. I think we managed to heal them but I dont remember if we all escaped or if she got them again. uwu I also...feel for her backstory as well. shes been through so much emotionally and mentally...im not surprised about what happened to her but i feel it could have been avoided somehow...again I feel bad for her.

The Hag: another killer I feel bad for due to their backstory...but I do dislike going against her..and her charms.....Her fucking decoys scare the shit outta me and its a bitch and a half to unhook someone x3 but it does keep one on their toes. Ive only escaped her once every time after Ive died x3

The Doctor: This bitch...ive noticed playing against the Doctor usually results in camping....letting people bleed to death and being used as bait for other survivors. Usually the Doctors are assholes from what Ive seen most of the time anytime I go agaisnt a Doctor its a lot of the same tactics.

The Huntress: I feel for her story but i also dislike how she took care of the little girls she kidnapped. Like...why did they starve to death first of all...she knows what starvation is so yeah...anyway Ive faced Huntress many times. Always narrowly avoiding her thrown hachets. fun x3 Ive tricked her many times too even when she camped this one round I faced a few days back. (- =w=-) hehehe still fixed that last generator~  But shes pretty decent to go against. I think there was a time one tried to help me exit but.....didint do so good they kept dropping me by the door expecting me to get up but i was too injured for it. then the entity got me.

The Clown: hate him...one; he ugly. two: he nasty and not in the good way. Three: i dont like his outfit..its gross. four: i find his aesthetic awful. its displeasing to my eyes. It never described what he did to his victims but.....something about him just I really dont like. Could be the fact hes kind of like John wayne gacy but....something makes me feel...gross u.u So out of most of the killers besides the Doctor the Clown does make me uncomfortable. and I love clowns but not this clown.

The Spirit: Her story made me sad..and angry. Like oof....I dont have all the words to describe how I felt for her. But shes an interesting killer, ive faced her only a few times. I can hear her scream and it sounds so sad and painful though like part of me wants to run to her and be like ahhhhhhh ill scream with you, screamings cathartic. x3

The Deathslinger: faced him once? I dont think I lived...I was the distraction too many times in that round and probably got hooked near dying so x3 but his gun is cool glad I didnt get grabbed by it though. Apparently as it drags you in he walks to you.

The Oni: big~ I mean spooky x3 I like this guy. Ive faced him a few times. I dont know his story I dont think I’ve read it yet but I do like him. Is it true him and the spirit are related, if so thats neat but damn...is her family cursed or something like whaaa! its terrifying when he gets all powered up and charges. I saw him run down the map and I was shook!

The Demogorgon: the noises...mmmm. anyway x3 recently made one mad~ stayed near me while I died on the hook. But I do enjoy going up against it as long as its one of the open maps. those building maps like the school or hispital ;7; i hate it, i hate going against any killers in those type of maps.

The Plague: I personally dont like vomit x3 but I do like The Plague. shes pretty~ (- uwu-) I faced her in the hospital and died too but like x3 it was interesting. Ive never been vomited on before oh wait nevermind babies did that to me. but by an adult no never x3 her story is interesting but I also do sort of feel for her as well cause of it.

The Legion:  Didnt know these were teens till you mentioned it x3 I like their masks. Every time still...i played against legion again this week and it was one of the bunny skins. x3 they got me it was the first time a legion played saw me and got me. pretty nice playing against Legion though.

The Pig: Played against her once I think i dont think i got the trap on my head but i dont fully remember. uwu seeing the little puppet made me smile~

The Cannibal: I dont really care for the movie series despite not seeing it but ive seen enough clips and heard anough to know I wont like it. Facing him is a bitch and a half with his flailing. The last few times Ive played against him everyone died.

[darthchic]

Character War: Zoro vs Sanji

Trying to put my own bias aside, and because I’m bored here in quarantine, I was thinking about how I could fairly break down parts of Zoro and Sanji’s characters and compare them. I want to see if I can analytically decide which character is more well realised or well written (just because there’s always that rivalry between both the characters and the fans, you often can’t help but ask yourself these kinds of questions).

EDIT: OH, and SPOILERS if you wish to read this and are not up to date

If the question was “Who’s the more popular character?” though, Zoro wins hands down, no contest.

 So, I broke the two characters down into categories:

–    Design

–    Fighting Style

–    Fights/Achievements

–    Coolness

–    Backstory

–    Gag

–    Development

 Design: Neither Zoro or Sanji have designs that particularly stand out to me, not within their own universe or in anime in general. Seriously, think of some crazy-ass looking characters you've seen in other anime and Zoro and Sanji simply pale in comparison. Heck, they pale in comparison to some of their fellow crewmates (Usopp, Chopper, Franky, Brook etc.) and over time their designs have probably been... how to put this... made more attractive as time goes on? Cause you know, you gotta let the female fans have some eye candy too. And with attractiveness tends to come more “normalness” (not a word but whatever) cause you can't go too crazy with the overall design in case it becomes off-putting. The only thing that really stands out for Zoro and Sanji respectively is hair colour and eyebrows.

–    Still if I had to declare one of them the winner... I'd have to say Sanji, just for his more 'unique' eyebrows. We've seen plenty of anime/manga featuring characters with hair colours that match every colour in the rainbow, so it's commonplace for someone to have green or pink hair and no-one really bats an eye. Peculiar eyebrows however are less common, although not rare (as far as I can tell), but for anime fans, it's something I think people still instantly notice more so than a character's hair colour. So.... point to SANJI! But barely, and it’s not much of a win.

 Sanji 1/0 Zoro

 Fighting Style: Again, neither a sword fighting style or kicking fight style is exactly uncommon, but I am edging towards Sanji's fighting style and I'll try to justify why, even if it is due to my own personal preferences. To me, sword fighting is often the go-to 'bad-ass' method of fighting, cause, come on, SWORDS ARE COOL (can't help but think about the overwhelming popularity of Pokemon Sword vs Pokemon Shield for example). Sword fights/fighters are iconic and that’s the issue at times for me because I feel like I've seen enough sword fights at this point, and not just in anime. So, while they're fun, their overexposure makes me appreciate something different a lot more.

–    To me, Sanji's style has a bit more 'kick' to it (oh yes!) and his reasons for using a kicking style are a bit more unique and interesting as well (being that he’s a cook and can’t damage his hands, the tools to his craft). His style is fun to watch, requires a bit more imagination when designing his moves, but it also has a strange kind of elegance to it which I appreciate. Not that sword fighting can't look elegant (Hello, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’), but I love that people often joke that some shots of Sanji make it look like he could be a dancer which I find amusing, because it’s true. Plus, I admire the fact that he's the only Straw-hat that fights without either a magic power/devil fruit or a literal weapon (though he has now grown accustomed to the raid suit, so…). But, for the majority of the story so far, the dude has just used his legs and that’s it. And is the 3rd (or fourth if you count Jinbei now) most powerful member of the crew, and still impressively strong overall amongst a massive cast of crazy powerful characters. Also, dude can fly. Actually fly. He can fight in the skies, sing “Walking in the Air” and it would not seem completely ridiculous. So, people reading this may not agree, but, point to SANJI!

Sanji 2/0 Zoro

 Fights/Achievements: I feel that most fans prefer Zoro's fights as he tends to take on the second strongest villains of each arc (with Luffy obviously taking on the strongest), which is automatic epicness. I know some fans even argue that Zoro would have no problems taking on the strongest villains in Luffy's place anyway, though I would disagree simply due to the fact that if Luffy were weaker/equal in strength to Zoro then why would he even be captain? The guy who's gonna be the Pirate King can hardly be weaker than one of his own crewmates, it ain't right!

–    Anyway, Zoro's battles tend to be straight-up badass one-on-one feats of strength, while Sanji's can be a mix of badass and sometimes plain goofy (thinking of Sanji vs Mr. 2 here or Sanji vs Wanze). And I do think Oda makes it clear that Zoro is the more powerful of the two, making his wins a lot more impressive, awe-inspiring, and show how physically far he’ll go in order to succeed (man should really have no blood left in his body). For me personally though, I often found many of Zoro’s fights a bit dull, like his fight with Mr. 1 for e.g. (ha, ironic), and when I watch his big battle with Kaku, while I like Kaku as a character, I had a hard time taking the image of Zoro fighting a sword-wielding Giraffe seriously. Sanji fighting a wolf with a moustache often looks goofy as well, but at least wolves come across as a bit more threatening (unless you have been on a scary Safari tour o__O…).

–    Alas, I would give Zoro the point for fights simply because I know how much the fandom appreciates them and the effort he puts in, BUT.... as for achievements... Maybe I'm being sneaky with this, but for me, while Sanji's fights maybe aren't considered as iconic as Zoro's, his actions towards helping the crew solidified Sanji's usefulness to the crew as not only a fighter but a tactician, and without him at a certain point, there wouldn't be any epic Zoro fights to appreciate. Sanji's rescue of the crew in Alabasta was pretty damn awesome, the fact they wouldn't have even reached Alabasta in the first place if Sanji hadn't gotten a hold of the Alabasta eternal log pose is hilarious, his saving of Usopp and Nami in Skypeia, his enabling of the Merry to escape without being blown to smithereens in the Enies Lobby arc, it's all just undeniably awesome. And to me, just as equally iconic and important as Zoro's fights, sooooo... I'm calling it a TIE!

 Sanji 3/1 Zoro

 Coolness: HAHA! Ok, come on, I love Sanji, but Oda's portrayal of him can get a bit ridiculous at times and sometimes rob him of his dignity, whereas with Zoro, Oda really doesn't humiliate him that much. He's usually always cool and epic and never seems to leave a negative impression in the eyes of fans. So, no question about it, point to ZORO!

 Sanji 3/2 Zoro

 Backstory: Ok, maybe it's just me, but I don't think many are gonna argue that Sanji has the better backstory? There's just more of it, it's better fleshed out, it establishes his character relationships and motives far better, it's just... better? Zoro's backstory perhaps is still to be further developed, but as it stands...

–    Zoro = Wants to become the greatest swordsman because of a promise he made to his dead rival/childhood friend. Nice, but doesn’t feel very original or special. Where did he come from before all that? Where/who is Zoro's family? Why did he want to be a swordsman in the first place? Cause it's cool? It just leaves me feeling annoyed because there’s these gaps and things left unanswered within his story and I can't tell if Oda's even going to give us any answers! But with a possibility that Zoro is from Wano, maybe something is eventually going to be explained? Still, I feel like Oda needs to be careful he doesn't make a repetitive tragic backstory, cause I worry that at some point he's going to run out of ideas on how to make each new backstory more uniquely depressing than the last, to the point where it's gonna be a 'been there, done that' kind of deal. Or maybe he’ll actually reveal that Zoro has a DUN-DUN-DUN living mother. I mean, that’s rarely done in this series, so that would be pretty shocking.

–    Sanji = Born as a quadruplet (still so weird to me) to a royal family, kind mother but douche-bag father. Mother dies saving Sanji's humanity because said douche-bag father violated mother and children by tampering with them before birth in order to make his children into sociopathic weapons. Sanji grew up emotionally and physically abused by father and brothers because he had kindness and compassion, and the abuse got so bad that he was even locked in a jail cell with an iron mask on his face because his father was ashamed of his existence. Mother, of course, dies, leaving Sanji with only an older sister to turn to, who could only be nice to him in secret and laugh at him in public. He decided to become a chef during imprisonment due to his mother giving him the only praise he had ever received and he enjoyed making her happy. Finally escapes douche-bag family thanks to decent sister freeing him, but only after promising to never admit he was related to his douche-bag father, further destroying him emotionally. Next, the ship he worked on was destroyed in a tidal wave, killing all his friends at the time, and left him alone on a rock with little food and a pirate who recently kicked the crap out of him. Went months without food only to find out that the pirate he hated had given him all the food, forcing him to cannibalize himself to survive. And all this happened before he was just 10 years old. So, from then on Sanji grew up with a fixed dedication/appreciation for food, but a clearly messed up self-image due to years of abuse and being told he was a failure by his biological father. Not to mention the man who saved his life, while a good man at heart, kinda has a messed up moral compass of his own, and kinda f**ked up Sanji's head in his own way (seriously, Sanji can't bring himself to hit a woman to save his own life cause he can't bear disappointing/disobeying Zeff, the man who actually loved him like a son? Jeez).

–    For real, Sanji's story is a doozy, and Zoro's just doesn't compare (at least not at the moment). Sorry, but clear point goes to SANJI!

 Sanji 4/2 Zoro

 Gag: Possibly debatable again, but I honestly do prefer (and the fandom majority seem to prefer) Zoro's whole getting lost gag to Sanji being a looney tunes pervert (some of the faces Oda draws, I swear!) I don't mind anime perverts so long as they have some substance to their character, but Oda places ‘Pervert Sanji’ in some situations where you're left screaming, “NOW'S NOT THE TIME DAMMIT!” Some moments can be thrown off kilter by the perverseness and/or fanservice to the point where you're just left face-palming. Arguably, the same can be said for Zoro, especially with his wandering off and getting lost in Wano right before Luffy faced off against Kaido (not that Zoro could do much about that anyway if he hadn't gotten lost), but just how easily he gets lost is so ridiculous that it veers right around from being annoying and returns straight back to being hilarious because of how mind-boggling it is. xD So, point to ZZZZZORO!

 Sanji 4/3 Zoro

  Development: Once again, another debatable one. Too debatable! There's no way around it; some may say Sanji's ‘self-rediscovery’ arc in Whole Cake Island made him the better developed character (or didn’t develop him at all) and some will say that Zoro's “Nothing happened” moment is the pinnacle of character development in One Piece, and to me, too much of it comes down to preference and I find it hard to justify why one is potentially better developed than the other. Especially when there could still be further development for them to come. So.... yeah, another TIE!

 Sanji 5/4 Zoro

So, there it is, I killed some great time in quarantine with this(!) Maybe there’s more ‘categories’ I could have added, but with what I came up with, I really did try not to be bias here. I do think it’s important to have a character that can hit ‘all the beats’, deliver in terms of action scenes, comedy and the emotional hard-hitting moments too. I can’t help but appreciate the male characters who are more in touch with their emotions and show vulnerability, which is what I appreciate with Sanji, and why I probably don’t connect with Zoro as much as I’d like to?

Going through all of this however has made me think that I'm actually fairer than I thought I was. No? Yes? Close call anyway.

[bittermarrow]

Sunday Morning (Bubba x Reader NSFW)

Imagine: Sneaking up on Bubba while he’s working~

Warnings: Straight up smut ya’ll, literally plotless. Also, Handjobs are neat.

Words: 2200+ 

.   .   .

(NSFW below the cut)

You loved Sunday mornings. Things were much quieter on the weekends with the Sawyers. Not many snooping outsiders came around here, which meant you could relax without worrying about someone getting into the house. You usually didn’t get involved with the commotion when one of the boys coaxed in a stranger for supper, not for the unlucky stranger of course, they were supper.

And besides, even if someone did get into the house they normally didn’t last long enough to stumble across you before Bubba found them. In the few times you’ve been confronted by panicked victims it proved to be quite awkward, you felt bad for them, you did, but murder and cannibalism was just something you had to get used to. The Sawyers were your family now, and if you wanted to stay alive you had to respect their traditions.

You sat out on the front porch with your coffee and a thick book to keep you occupied. Your usual morning routine consisted of lazing around in bed with Bubba till breakfast, but on weekends he worked in the basement until about noon. So, you were left by yourself for a couple of hours. most times you kept busy with house chores or watched TV with Grandpa or Nubbins if he was home.

Drayton liked to bother you when he wasn't working so you would try to avoid the kitchen entirely, but on the days like these where he was relentless and followed you around were the ones you retreated to the front porch. You knew he wouldn’t follow you there, he couldn’t be bothered to stand out in the blistering heat just to pester you.

It wasn't too hot yet, so you didn't mind sitting outside for a bit to read, you've learned to cherish the times when it wasn't swelteringly hot. But despite your fondness of reading you were struggling to find much interest in the book you were flipping through, you just ended up skipping pages that were boring.

You closed the book with a sigh, realizing you would just have to accept defeat, and forcing yourself to read it would only give you a headache. You got migraines often, and since it was kamikaze just to get an aspirin around here you just had to soldier through them.

Plus, you didn't want to be cranky when Bubba eventually finished up cutting the meat for tonight's dinner. You leaned back in the plastic chair and wondered if he was feeling lonely all by himself down there. You knew he would be busy, but no doubt would enjoy your company.  It wouldn't be the first time you'd just sat down there while he worked, and he always was happy to see you. Making up your mind you reluctantly stood up and stretched, hearing a few pops in your back as you did so. You left the book on the chair, you wouldn't be doing much with it anyway.

You went inside and slipped past the others who were watching the television in the other room, your bare feet softly padding across the wood floors. You stopped in the room you shared with Bubba to throw on some socks and slip into a pair of shoes, you knew better than to walk around the basement with naked feet.

You crept down the stairs not wanting to alert him if your presence right away, grinned when you saw him hard at work, he always put his best effort into whatever he did. You successfully snuck up behind him without giving yourself away, and you stopped momentarily to watch him hack away at the bloody mess that lay on the table. You allowed yourself to admire the way the muscles in his arms and back moved a while longer before you made your attack, waiting until he put down the meat cleaver. You weren’t stupid enough to sneak up on Bubba when he had a sharp object in hand, no matter how eager you were to touch him.

As soon as he set down the cleaver to separate a chunk of meat you made your move, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tightly from behind, making him jump and whimper. You knew fairly well that Bubba could be quite skittish, and sometimes you just couldn't help but intentionally give him a good scare. All in good fun of course, and you always made up for it.

His furiously beating heart calmed as soon as he realized it was you, he would’ve pouted for you creeping up on him but he was much happier to see you than he was flustered by your stealthy approach. He let out an excited babble in his own little language, closing his eyes at the feeling of your arms squeezing him. "Hi, Bubba." You snorted, nuzzling your cheek against his back, not bothered by the dampness of his shirt. Sweat is the least of your problems, all you cared about was getting your fix of hugs and nuzzles. He breathed out a grunt that sounded like a question, probably asking why you were down here so early— or at all. "I got bored." Which was the truth, but not the entire reason you had come to see him. You weren’t going to let him in on your little idea, one does not allow their plans to be foiled, and you wanted to keep the element of surprise. With this in mind, you instead decided to add, " —And I wanted to see you." And you knew he was blushing underneath the mask of flesh, he was still shy after all the time you've been together, it was cute. He made a pleased sound, satisfied with your answer and reached for his towel to wipe his hands. But you weren't having any of that, you knew Drayton would be bitching up a storm that neither of you wanted to get caught in if he didn't finish up the meat before noon. "I didn't say to stop working, Bubs." And you received a displeased whine from that, knowing he wanted to indulge in your affection. "I'll be right here, and we can cuddle all you want when you're done, okay?"

You knew you were teasing him, and you normally didn't like to, but you weren't about to let Drayton bark all over him later because you distracted him. Besides, there was still something you wanted to try. After a few moments, he nodded, giving in at the promise of snuggle time later and begrudgingly picking up the meat cleaver to get back to work with a new burst of motivation to finish up. You smiled against his back and kept a firm grip around his stomach. You did; however, feel him lean into your touch despite quite obviously pouting. Even if he couldn't turn around to wrap you in his arms he was loving the attention. Letting your mind wander as Bubba began to absorb himself back into butchering, you moved your arms lower to envelop his stomach instead when he kept bumping you with his elbow. Pretending to be slightly grossed out when a small spatter of blood streak across your hands, you removed them— much to Bubba's protests, and instead slid them underneath his apron to feel him a bit closer. You wanted to keep your hands clean for this anyways. He relaxed at the return of your touch, but almost cut his own fingers off when he felt your fingers creep down to his navel. His face heated up considerably and he licked his lips, trying his best to focus on finishing this last slab of meat so he could make love to you properly. Your fingers played with the edge of his pants for a while, a tease more than anything and you could already feel him start to breathe heavier. Finally sliding a hand down to palm him through his slacks you were pleased to find him already getting hard beneath your hand. Your lips twisted into a smug smile against the back of his shoulder as you placed a chaste kiss there, and gave his growing erection a good squeeze. The pressure elicited a soft whimper from Bubba, and as you stroked him through the rough material of his pants you received more desperate noises. Bubba bucked into your hand, his arousal testing the zipper as he grew almost painfully hard beneath it. You mercifully used your free hand to snag the button of his pants loose and yanked down the zipper, releasing his aching flesh for you to feel. Sighing into Bubba's shoulder blade you wrapped both sets of fingers around his throbbing cock and have it a light squeeze. Bubba let out a soft noise, like a whine that broke off into a murmur. He was already getting the shakes from being so worked up, his breath made of quick pants and huffs. You started to pump him at a slow, leisurely pace making sure to run your thumb over the sensitive head as you made your way up his short but thick shaft. He was constantly making noise, whimpering, groaning and babbling, and you felt a strong heat pulse between your own legs. While his shaky hands struggled to continue their task, yours started to stroke him a bit faster making his whines melt into soft moans. His hips thrust into your grip when you applied pressure at just the right spot, the desperate panting and increasingly loud whimpers that escaped him egged you on, and you doubled your attention on his sensitive flesh. He was slightly hunched over the table trying to lean into your quick strokes, his hands having finally abandoned the meat and gripped tightly at the edge of the wood. In his position you could lean over him to whisper sweet things to him. "Does that feel good, Bubba?" You managed to slur, your sugary-sweet tone edged with a slower, sensual kind of honey. He nodded enthusiastically with a squeal, beginning to get louder as he approached his climax. He was practically rutting into your soft hands as they played with him, varying in pressure and speed to keep him guessing. He was panting like a happy dog now, and you swore you could see a small string of drool drip from his parted lips. "Such a good boy for me, always so sweet." Bubba's excitedly thrusting hips stuttered and then quickened even more upon hearing your praise, he always reacted so deliciously to your kind words. You slid one of your hands down to give his neglected balls some attention, gently tugging at the taut skin and making sure to give them a good rub and multiple squeezes. He squealed louder at the increased stimulation, straining his back straighter and tilting his head back as his body was quickly overwhelmed. He was getting quite loud, and for a moment you worried that his brothers would hear. But all caution was thrown into the wind when Bubba's large hand joined yours in pleasuring himself, and you could tell he was close, very close.

He didn’t even care that he was smearing blood over himself in the race for his rapidly approaching release. You decided to breathe out some nice things to help him along, knowing full well the effect it had on him. "Are you close, baby?" Bubba nodded frantically his breath heavy and his chest heaving with his quick intakes of the thick basement air. "You're always so good to me, such a good boy. Go on you’ve earned it, come for me, Bubba." Your erratic pace around his cock and fulfilling praise sent him toppling over the edge, his hips thrusting hard into both of your palms and his entire body going still as he came. He whimpered and squealed noisily as his stomach clenched and his cum coated both of your hands as you stroked him back down, pulling your hand away when he whined pitifully the overstimulation beginning to cause him discomfort.

Bubba huffed as he caught his breath, his head still swimming in a post-orgasmic haze. You could feel your own slick and damp underwear rubbing against your inner thighs, getting Bubba off was something that really got you going, but damn you were aching now. You righted his softened flesh back into his pants, zipping him back up as he collected himself.

You looked at your slickened fingers and smirked making sure he saw you stick two fingers into your mouth making sure to exaggerate the slurping sound as you licked them clean, Bubba let out a tortured whine at the sight. You were going to kill him, oh, but it would be a wonderful death.

“See? That wasn’t so bad was it?” You teased with a shit-eating grin and a blush, your mind was heavy with arousal, you could barely think straight let alone talk straight. Bubba sighed heavily and rolled his eyes pushing the rest of the meat to the side to be picked up by Drayton later, wiping his bloodied hands with a hand towel. You were so mean!

“Well, if you’re done down here why don’t you meet me upstairs hmm? I’m still not done with you yet.” You smirked and moved out of his reach just as he went to grab you, dashing to the stairs and making your playful escape. Wait, where were you going? Bubba groaned but couldn’t help but grin and start chasing up the stairs, you had a head start but he knew you wanted him to catch up. It was a game, and he loved playing games with you.

Drayton caught wind of your giggling and rolled his eyes with an annoyed grumble, “Fuckin’ kids.”

.   .   .

[awinetintedmuse]

I’ve just recently read a few things you’ve written, and as a pagan & lover of the classics myself, I really appreciate how your Dionysus is eloquent, fun, & sexual. Too many focus on only one of those things, forgetting that he is the god of duality in various forms (plus several different domains).

Thank you! I myself am a pagan as well, and I try very hard to depict Dionysus as I believe them to be. I’ve met some other pagans who think writing gods is somewhat blasphemous, so I really worry a lot. Myself, I try very hard to depict the god of stories and theatre in a way that would befit, well, the god of stories and theatre. 

Dionysus in my eyes is a complex, often contradictory god. He’s like the theatre masks; comedy and tragedy at once. He’s a god of philosophy but also madness. He’s a god of high art but he’s a god of breaking taboos. He’s like motzart making fart jokes in his music. He’s so many things at once, and he’s not even always a he, because Dionysus is more than anything else. Dionysus is whatever Dionysus wants to be, because Dionysus is the god of metamorphosis and change and liberation.

In my eyes, Dionysus is sort of like the Tao; if you can define it, it’s not really Dionysus, basically. Any definition, by definition of a definition, has to exclude something. Just as something being made of something cannot be made of something else. But Dionysus can be, and while some might think that means he lacks defining traits, I think it means that he is varied and full of a depth that a lot of people miss. 

There’s no real ‘wrong’ way to depict Dionysus, not really, because there are only different theatre masks that they wear. Dionysus is what Dionysus wants to be. My challenge, therefore, is to try and do that to the best of my ability. To depict a god that inspires legendarily beautiful artwork and writing as also being a drunken fool in equal measure. 

I am glad that you love my work, friend. It really makes me feel good knowing that people enjoy how I write him. I often worry that I am not doing such a figure justice; after all, we’re talking about a figure who’s domain is writing; but I am glad that you enjoy my writing. 

That said, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bad version of him, save for, well, that one time in DC comics where they decided that Dionysus should be an emo boy with a fox tail who had a love of cannibalism. That might be the only time I actively recoiled from what I was seeing. 

[tillman]

hi i ranked every single dark souls 1 character by who i think is the most kissable . its 79 characters all with a description of why theyre at the place theyre at with images for reference :-) its all under cut for u to enjoy.. thank u

this is all my opinion cus hehe im making the list but also im god so this is fact now . 

counting down because u know what ! buildup is fun and i have to start off with everyones most favorite:

GWYN - 79

im kidding. fuck gwyn and everything he stands for. he wouldnt even be a good kisser he doesnt have FUCKING LIPS

SEATH - 78

oh you really wanna kiss the incel dragon who kidnaps ladies for his weird experiements?? yeah?? who are you, big hat logan?

EINGYI - 77

heres one i wont get hate for: this fucking asshole . die bastard . he cant even kiss his face is all infected and gross!

KAATHE - 76

he sucks.

SMOUGH - 75

not only is he too big to kiss! hes a cannibal!! hed eat you!!!! thats no kiss i want!

MANUS - 74

listen i know yall love daddies and all that but hes manipulative and not a nice person so id watch out. i GUESS hes kissable as he was a human before but def not a good kiss

BED OF CHAOS - 73

its just some vines that sometimes set on fire!! If it were still the witch of izalith she would be probally in the 20s as shes a good person who tried very hard to help the world but in this state... u cant even kiss her!

FRAMPT - 72

better than kaathe but the whole no lips and being a manipulative snake monster really throws me off and shoves him down at the bottom

FINA (GODDESS OF LOVE/BEAUTY (?)) - 71

(mentioned character - no image sorry :-( )

Listen as much as im all for love, this is love u dont want ! just trust me dont be lautrec dont do it you dont want to kiss fina listen to me. please dont kiss fina.

VINCE AND NICO - 70

way of the white members are NOTABLY unkissable but these guys. are just so boring. theyll be your white bread boyfriend as neil would say... bad kissers and bad people!

LAUTREC - 69 

aw fuck wait can i make another character 69 he doesnt deserve it. anyways not only is he not over his ex (fina) hed probally gut you and steal your lunch money half way through the kiss anyways so whats the point . thats not how u treat a lover idiot

CENTIPEDE DEMON - 68

it eats your face and you die. next pleaaase

PETRUS - 67

another way of the white cleric. he at least starts off nice and he says fuck rich people but also he let that happen to rhea and i fucking hate his guts so no.

PALADIN LEEROY - 66 

out of all the way of the white idiots hes the best in that he wears armor and seems cool but its the way of the white man.  i cant get past that. sorry leeroy at least your armor is cool. he probably hasnt kissed someone in hundreds of years anyways 

MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY - 65

delicate ... but beautiful! i dunno how to smooch it but i def would if i could ! i dont think it can kiss back but, o well! we all have flaws

IRON GOLEM - 64

it cant kiss back but its COOL and can throw me like a javelin so like . yeehaw id smooch its little face place 

UNDEAD MERCHANTS (BOTH) - 63

between moss and yulia i think they got enough on their plates! plus since theyre so hollowed, i dont think they have any lips to kiss back with! 

INGWARD - 62

hes not like . bad persay but also i dont trust him after he helped with new londo. cool design tho. i wanna kiss that bird beak mask

JEREMIAH - 61

was a bullfrog, and never took off his crown long enough to kiss another person...... i feel like if he did though! oh boy!!!

Asylum Demon + Demon Firesage + Stray Demon - 60

more kissable than some bosses, but still not the greatest lips. good butts though on all of them.... so i guess thats fr u kinky people 

SNUGGLY THE CROW - 59

(no image shes a crow) 

please stop drawing her as an anime girl shes literally just a grow that likes warm things oh my god you freaks be nice to her

BIG HAT LOGAN - 58

hes hard to kiss around the hat! and on that note hes pretty much taken with his obsession with seath. good luck! hes nice though so better than most of this list so far

GAPING DRAGON - 57

ranked so high because past its giant underbelly of teeth and destruction is this very tiny head which i think is so funny i cant help but want to kiss its little snoot.... hehe baby

PRINCE RICARD - 56

oh now were actually getting into kissable range! ricard is a prince (maybe even of astora... kissability increase.) so his high ranking might get you some kissability points, but the hollowing is gonna lower that. 4/10 no kissable lips!

4 KINGS - 55

whats better than a prince..... a king... whats better than a king..................  4 KINGS! just watch out for their overly anime spiky armor and the fact their in a never ending void nightmare but they do have faces so thats points above the rest!

SALAMAN - 54

(mentioned character only! sorry!)

hmmmm we dont learn much about him other than he was close with quelana and he was ............ hot!  hes a pyromancer.  being of the great swamp pushes him down a bit because he prolly smells like his name sake but u know what ! maybe hes cute! we cant be sure! hes in the running at least!

TAURUS DEMON - 53

hmm... bad lover.... good kisser................................................... the things i do for big beefy demon love.

GOUGH - 52

While you cant kiss gough cus all the sap in his helmet i cant bare to put him lower than he is hes just so sweet. a kiss on his helmet because i love him so much

NITO - 51

while he cant kiss back, nito deserves a kiss or two! plus he has a lot of hands so u can hold his hands and be hugged at the same time and u know what that might be just as good as a nice kiss. good on you nito!

STONE DRAGON - 50

again a non kisser........ damn beaks! the stone dragon does need a kiss though. they havent seen another living soul in years down in ash lake! so im giving them points on that alone.

VAMOS - 49

like the last two.... no lips! vamos though makes up for it in his charm and wit, and his exceptional skill in smithing! so even without lips to kiss, you still should kiss vamos! hes a good friend

ARIAMIS - 48

(mentioned !)

wow... a painter! and a skilled one at that! this man created the painted world used to keep priscilla safe and that is so noble it gives him points right off the bat! i feel like though, as an artist, he might be a bit weird about it. so watch out and be safe, but in the end, get free art and some free smooches out of him!

ELIZABETH - 47

thats my mom ... of course she gets a good cheek smooch for all her hard work keeping dusk safe!

DOMHNALL - 46

i love domhnall hes a good guy whos trying his best but also his mask is so fucking goofy i dunno if i can do it .

RICKERT - 45

as much as i think rickert would be a good kiss (hes smart, cute, and skilled!) he is trapped behind some bars willingly and probably wont let you in. i can dream though!

CEASLESS DISCHARGE - 44

if theres any boss that NEEDS a kiss its him. poor dude lost all his family and was turned into this laughing stock of a creature. youd probably burn your lips but .... please just be nice to him :-(

SHIVAS BODYGUARD - 43

ooo a strong yet silent type.... hes even cute under his mask! good kiss, but i feel like he might just care more about his actual job than a kiss ! hes dedicated !

CIARAN - 42

putting aside me knowing shed be a good kisser, i just understand she probably doesnt want a kiss right now, shes grieving over the loss of her friend and i respect her comfort. maybe a good pat on the shoulder and a cup of nice tea with her would be nice though! 

PINWHEEL - 41

may seem like a weird choice to put a necromancer up so high on the list but.... honestly pinwheel needs some love. dude lost his whole family and in trying to revive them accidentally fused them to himself. while he might not be the best kisser, i honestly just wanna tell him everythings gonna be ok.

KIRK - 40

ok if you know me you KNOW how much it pains me to put kirk so low but. hes a busy guy! not only is he doing so much work to help out where he can with the fair lady, but you might just get pricked by his spiky armor while youre going in for the smooch! so, as much as he deserves a kiss for all his hard work, maybe pass until another time!

SIEGLINDE - 39

were getting there! she is just so strong... and so brave........ she may not even be undead! sieglinde is so strong and wonderful doing all that just to deliver a message to her unruly father, she deserves so many kisses! Shes got a lot on her plate though so please respect her......

BERENIKE - 38

(just mentioned!)

implied to be a huge strong knight who made it to even sens fortress! yes please ! 

BELL GARGOYLES - 37

hmmmmm,.......... if u can get past the whole lighting your face on fire, these are two loyal gargoyles! that seems pretty good to me!

BEATRICE - 36

a wonderful helpful witch friend! she is so nice to help you defeat flying bosses with her magic!! i love her so much! shes even cute to boot! 

GIANT BLACKSMITH - 35

HE HELP ANYTIME................... I HAVE TO GIVE HIM A KISS FOR ALL HIS HARD WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEGALLY I HAVE TO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RHEA - 34

putting aside my hatred of the way of white.... rhea really is just a babey.... shes adorable and kind and just wants everyone to be ok so im won over. maybe a little forehead smooch for being such a good person!

OSCAR - 33

oh oscar. a noble, heroic, and cute knight but in the end. would he be a good kisser........ i feel yes, but maybe not so much so! hes busy focusing on being a hero you know! hes a good friend and i cant help but fall in love with nice guys

THE FAIR LADY - 32

she deserves the entire world and all i can give her is my humanity and a kiss........... sobs. i wish i could do more to ease her pain but she is so strong and wonderful! please give her a nice smooch! 

QUELANA - 31

i didnt wanna separate them ........ her wonderful sister! who even taught humans pyromancies! shes smart and nice, and honestly probably needs a kiss. 

MILDRED - 30

uh my notes from last night are just

so yeah! thats mildred!

CRESTFALLEN MERCHANT - 29

hes sad as fuck but also... kinda handsome! he was a knight of berenike and made it almost all of the way through sens fortress showing how skilled he is! a strong man like this (inspired by maybe the best kisser in demons souls, boirr) has to be a good kiss!

SIEGMEYER - 28

hes going through a lot right now but... how could u not think siegmeyer is kissable. thats on you man. thats your own character flaw.

OSWALD - 27

ok this might be slightly controversial but i feel like oswald would be a good kisser. if you got past his slightly weird love for velka who well get to (thats just carimites (carimians? carimfolk???)) hes nice and kind and maybe the funkiest character in dark souls

KALAMEET - 26

another cant kiss you but.... kalameet is just so cool ! very shadow the hedgehog and u know what that is NOT a bad thing. you might have a rough time trying to get there, but..... aww whos a good dragon.....

DARKMOON KNIGHTESS - 25

alright the final stretch! the darkmoon knightess is the anor londo firekeeper, and a friend of gwyndolin! shes supposed to be “ugly and shit” (real quote. i would never lie to you) but her model is so cute! defiantly kissable as fuck!

 SANCTUARY GUARDIAN - 24

GOFH ITS JUST A WIDDLE KITTEY CAT........... I GIVE IT A WIDDLE KISSEY ON ITS FOREHEAD AHOWHWWAWWW BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALVINA - 23

AWHAHWAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHES H(FADOESAGVFOSDHFSO CUET EIFEDKC LKOFIE JS I LOVE YOU FJEADFIDASHCODEUFCUSFKSDHFKSUHFC

DUSK - 22

oh yes!! the princess of a lost land...... will you be her knight in shining armor.......... oh i just love her so much. shes sweet and nice and cute and deserves a kiss or two!! please be nice to my daughter!

SHIVA - 21

hottie with cool armor and a cooler sword. since they cut his whole sidequest i can with all certianty say YES he is super kissable and is probably a great kisser 

QUELAAG - 20

IGNORIGN HER GIANT SPIDER LOWERBODY........... SHES JUST DOING THIS FOR HER SISTER SHE JUST WANTS TO HELP HER POOR SISTER WHOS IN PAIN HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE HER SO MUCH!! PLEASE KISS QUELAAG! 

GRIGGS - 19

im putting griggs so high cus hes kissable in a factor unseen before...... baby factor. hes soft and nice and is just trying to find his dad! just tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight! its what he deserves! 

ARTORIAS - 18

everyone already KNOWS why artorias is a good kisser. hes nice, strong, brave, and most importantly. cool as FUCKING HELL ! HE DOES SICK ANIME FLIPS!! if you can look past the abyss slowly taking him over, youll find a good good boy who deserves a good kiss.

ANASTACIA - 17

the good firekeeper who we spend most of our time with in 1! YES of COURSE Shes kissable. she deserves SO MANY kisses for all of her hard work in keeping the firekeep shrine lit! good job anastacia im sorry lautrec is like that

VELKA GODDESS OF SIN - 16

(just mentioned!)

if her title alone doesnt bring you in, youll be pleased to know shes implied to help watch over priscilla (who well get to hold your horses) and keep the poor girl safe! a strong sense of justice and a love of crows, shes probably an amazing kiss if you can find her! 

ANDRE - 15

were closing in on #1 and i just have to throw andre in here. hes so nice and strong! just . please kiss andre! he deserves some he does so much work! 

PRISCILLA - 14

poor priscilla. called a monstrous crossbreed and has to hide in a painted world to stay safe from those who would hurt her. including the internet! leave her alone you freaks shes not your fetish fuel!!! she deserves a good kiss on the cheek and a hug for all she has to put up with

 CRESTFALLEN WARRIOR - 13

its my list i get to put the crestfallen warrior where i want. and u know what? he would honestly be a good kiss. hes kind and helpful and never once wishes you harm, he just needs to be held tightly and kissed passionately and u know what. dont we all. 

GWYNEVERE - 12

she is beautiful but .... 1 shes married and 2 shes not even real! whatever. her husband the flame god flann is at least.......... hot! haahgdaefshdfcdhswfe im so fucking funny

BLACK IRON TARKUS - 11

listen i see a big beefy dude i go “hey thats hot please kiss me” so of course tarkus is this high up hes the beefiest dude around.... right?? anyways all knights of berenike are kissable hes just the MOST kissable of the 3 named ones!

ORNSTEIN - 10

this dude kisses the son of gwyn you KNOW hes a good kiss. the golden lion armor just helps so much. we love you ornstein .....

HAVEL THE ROCK - 9

HERE HE IS ... THE BEEFIEST GUY AROUND ... this bitch uses a DRAGONS TOOTH as a huge club to bash people with if that isnt big dick energy i dont know what is. armor made of stone. heart made of gold. havel the rock please god kiss me passionately under the moonlight .

SIF - 8

oghfoghfohg puppey..................................... SMOOCHIE THE PUPPY>...........

NAMELESS KING (!?) - 7

(hes just mentioned in ds1!!) 

I KNOW HES A DS3 BOSS BUT LISTEN TO ME THEY TALK ABOUT HIM SO MUCH IM ALLOWING THIS.  he defected from his awful dads team to go help the DRAGONS!! thats so cool hes so kissable. would be more kissable if he wasnt kissing ornstein but thats ok . i respect them both.

MARVELOUS CHESTER - 6

this MAY just because i have a huge crush on him but also here are some good kissable things about him: his fasion, his voice that sounds like a purr, his laugh, his malice, his funny mask, him. thank you for your time.

GWYNDOLIN - 5

FINAL FIVE! heres gwyndolin. the most kissable of all of gwyns children for the sheer fact of how much work they put in to making sure people stay safe and happy. they are so kind and wonderful they deserve SO MANY kisses! good on you gwyndolin....

LAURENTIUS - 4

now heres a fun one! laurentius is one of the nicest guys u will EVER meet in any souls game. he genuinely cares about you, he loves and respects u even if u dont respect him or his skills, hes nice cute and above all: i love him . please kiss laurentius he is a nice guy who just wants the best for u..... dont be mean to him.....................

CAPRA DEMON - 3

the highest one that cant kiss back and thats for the capra demons SHEER HORNY ENERGIES. this is a demon you can fuck! thats it i have nothing else to say i just think the capra demon is funny

SOLAIRE - 2

do i seriously have to explain why solaire is so high up. not only is he nice and cares about you, hes handsome, passionate, and just a good fucking person. he is hands down one of the most kissable characters in any souls game ever! fuck yeah! go off you funky little lover boy! 

and finally.

its patches.

[tessatechaitea]

Inferior 5 #1

Hopefully this will be like when Giffen made the Legion of Super-heroes super fucking dark.

How many dicks can you find, kids?!

"How many dicks can you find, kids" is the least quotable line I've ever written. The Kamandi just out of surgery cosplayer winds up getting exploded by the kid in the canvas sack face mask. You know the kid is bad news because he can make people explode with his mind. Although if you ran into him in the desert, you wouldn't know that immediately so I should have stated the other ways you can tell he's bad news so as to maybe avoid exploding. First off, he's a kid out in the desert alone. Kids by themselves are creepy. Plus he's wearing a canvas bag on his head. Canvas is always a warning sign that you might be dealing with cannibal hillbillies, especially when it's covering an almost certainly mutilated face. Also, the kid's canvas bag mask has a big red X on it. Anybody who's been through the American educational system has a strong aversion to red X's. Also spooky: the kid recites nursery rhymes. When you hear one of those, you know you're either about to die or laugh hysterically because did you hear how the Diceman said "cock" instead of "clock"?! How did we never stop laughing in the Eighties?! Oh, one more clue that not all is right with this kid: he lives in Dangerfield, Arizona. That's almost as big a red flag as some sweaty, long-haired kid in overalls from Back Swamp, North Carolina. The story picks up with some nerdy kid (probably Merrymaker since he's the big virgin of the group) whining about how his dad died in The Invasion of Metropolis (what was that? Is that a reference to the beginning of The New 52 when Darkseid attacked Earth? Or is this a reference to the Invasion by the Dominators which was compiled in three way-too-long comics?). After the Invasion, he and his mom moved to Dangerfield, Arizona. Because who wouldn't feel safer in a place with a name that causes constant anxiety over a place where the greatest hero in the world lives?

According to the date on this calendar, the Invasion mentioned was the Dominator one which created the Meta-Gene explanation of superpowers which we recently learned was a computer jargon shortening of the term "metal-gene."

The calendar isn't the only proof that this invasion was by Dominators and not Parademons! By turning the page instead of trying to ferret out what's going on by examining every panel carefully and spending an inordinate amount of my short lifespan trying to guess what's about to happen instead of just fucking turning the Goddamned page and letting the writers explain it to me, I discover the Dominators are leading an invasion of Earth Number This Is Fucked Up. At least I think it's Earth Number This Is Fucked Up because the invasion seems to have worked. Superman is dead and most of the other heroes have been placed in a space gulag. Plus that kid in the canvas bag marking X's on houses seems to play an important role in the Dominator's invasion force.

Unless this is all just a comic book on Earth Number Main Earth?

Maybe I should turn some more pages! But first, I just need to Google "Lisa Loeb's boobs." The kid complaining about the Invasion comic book is named Lisa (no relation to Lisa Loeb's boobs) and she points out to the suspiciously bloody comic book seller with a light sensitivity named Vlad that the Invasion really happened. So I guess DC is simply profiting on everybody's pain and misery. I bet just to make the series even more painful and miserable, DC hired Scott Lobdell to write it. Justin, the whiny kid from Metropolis, is being observed by some outside observers (as opposed to inside observers which would be, I guess, parasites?). He heads downtown where he's about to make contact with Dumb Bunny and Awkwardman! Except he doesn't. Man, I should probably read more than two panels at a time before writing anything. It would save everybody a lot of wasted effort, me with writing sloppy synopses of comics and the three people reading this having to fucking read this. But then I don't have any responsibility to anybody to make these "reviews" shorter. It's not my fault if somebody wanted to Google "Lisa Loeb's boobs" but found they didn't have enough time because they were reading this shit. That's their own fault for not prioritizing their desires! Googling "Lisa Loeb's boobs" was so important to me that I did it in the middle of this review! Come on, people. It's the modern age! You can view Lisa Loeb's boobs any time you want (through clothing, that is. I'm not advocating for searching for nude pics of Lisa Loeb's boobs which probably don't exist anyway and if you think they do, it was probably just Lisa Loeb's head photoshopped onto a naked torso). Lisa has been uncovering clues to the weirdness of Dangerfield, Arizona because she dresses like Velma. Unless she dresses like Velma because she searches for clues the way her hero, Velma, searches for clues. I don't know enough about Lisa's backstory to say. It's possible Lisa isn't even aware of Velma and it's just Giffen spending some easy pop culture capital so readers associate Lisa with Velma and understand her more simply by looking at her image.

Here are a bunch of the clues she's uncovered that I didn't want to try to parse through my digressions and fascination with Lisa Loeb.

Billy Shanker, the kid with the canvas bag who says things like, "Oh! The three little kittens! They fucked their mittens! Oh! Look at the way I hold my cigarette! Boom!", murders Justin's mom and takes her corpse to some guy in a hazmat suit that might be a Dominator but also might be, seeing as how Giffen is writing this, Ambush Bug. Man I hope it's Ambush Bug! Justin returns home to find his mother gone and the interior (five?) of his house covered in red X's. Oh no. That's a really bad sign! Not one black check mark in the bunch! Some people might think Keith Giffen isn't the best artist in town because he's a writer and his art isn't for everybody. Plus he never puts any thought into his panel layout and just goes the same size boxes every time (sometimes in the six variety, sometimes in the nine). I happen to love his art so I'm not one of those people. But in keeping with a guy whose art isn't what people would call great (although those people usually love mainstream great garbage art like John Romita Jr or David Finch or Tony S. Daniel), Jeff Lemire draws the back-up story. I don't think that was an insult at Lemire's expense. If it was, I'm sorry because I was really just trying to insult John Romita, Jr and David Finch and Tony S. Daniel. The back-up story features Peacemaker whom I only remember by look. According to the Who's Who, Peacemaker is a guy who loved peace so much that he realized sometimes he'd have to use extreme violence to ensure it. Also he suffered a head injury during Crisis on Infinite Earths which seems like a weird thing to mention in the Who's Who. "Trillions of lives were extinguished during the multiversal extermination event! Billions and billions of worlds destroyed! People's pasts erased in the blink of an eye! Supergirl and Flash and some other people nobody remembers killed! And Peacemaker suffered some head trauma." I suppose it's important to the character. Maybe it was meant to make him more extreme so he'd be relevant in the post-Crisis era. Peacemaker is on a mission for Amanda Waller to find some super weapon that the Russians want. His search leads him to a bunker with a dead Dominator, a mysterious capsule, and a map leading him to Dangerfield, Arizona! Inferior 5 #1 Rating: B+. I'm a sucker for Giffen stories and Giffen art. And Giffen stories backed up by Lemire's writing are probably even better. This one was pretty good so consider it evidence that my previous statement is almost certainly correct. One thing I like about Giffen is that he doesn't mind writing things that can be confusing on their first (or even second!) read through. He tells the story, makes the jokes, slowly unveils the plot, and to hell with anybody who doesn't want to invest a little time in making it all out. Seems to me, a lot of modern comic book readers could learn to love ambiguity. But they're all so desperate for the interior monologue of the main characters so they know exactly what to think after reading something. They're so coddled that they think subtlety is when a story explicitly shows them what's happening without the main character also explaining it in a monologue as they experience it. They wouldn't recognize subtlety if it...well, I mean, it's subtlety. It should be hard to recognize so I don't know how to finish that statement. Now go read Inferior 5 and hate me for recommending it when you're finished.