#Pairings censored for politeness

[pinkrose05]

Sungenti & Robinhill would go on the most terse double dates in history. That's it that's the post.

[dancingbirdie]

Okay so on Astarion, I was reading this fic about him not knowing Tavs true intentions with him and it bothering Astarion a lot, so what if he goes to some mage or magic user and asks them to show Tavs true intentions to him, when he does the vision he sees is just... being snuggled. It's Tav on top of him and the both of you are falling asleep, his hands are under your shirt softly petting your skin as your sleepy self is contently snuggled up to him. I just start crying about him finding out that Tavs DASTARDLY and EVIL plan with him, their greatest desire from him... is to simply be held. 🥺

Hi @goblin-creatcher! Thank you so much for this BEAUTIFUL prompt. I, uhh, kind of took it and went a million miles an hour with it. This is honestly one of my favorite things I've ever written. I hope you enjoy it as well! xoxoxo

Something Imagined / Something Real

Word Count: 3.9K

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Astarion x f!Tav

Warnings/Tags: Brief but detailed description of rough consensual sex, descriptions and references to Astarion's trauma/trauma responses, minor Act 1 and Act 2 spoilers, FLUFF, angst

Suggested Song Pairing: Slow Dancing in A Burning Room (Stripped) - cover by ST LUNA

Summary: Astarion has been suspicious of Tav’s true intentions toward him. He persuades Gale to cast a spell and reveal her motivations. ANGST and FLUFF ensue. A rewriting of Astarion’s confession scene from Act 2.

The sun had just begun to set on the campsite when Astarion decided to put his plan into action. He had waited until Tav departed with some of the other party members before making his way over to the wizard. Gale was too busy reassembling the bookshelf inside his tent to notice Astarion’s approach. It wasn’t until he gave a polite cough that Gale jumped and whirled to face him. 

“No, no, no,” he began all at once, hands raised in a sort of shooing motion. Astarion stared at him in confusion. “I can respect Tav’s indulging in your need for blood, but as I’ve said before: I taste terrible.” 

Astarion scoffed. “Charming. Actually, wizard, I was coming to request your aid in a different, though somewhat related, matter.”

“Really? Care to elaborate?” Gale responded, still somewhat wary. It wasn’t often he found himself alone with the vampire. 

“Testy, I see,” Astarion crooned teasingly. His knee-jerk response to people treating him like a monster, to behave in the most false saccharine sort of way. 

But he drew up short, censoring himself before saying anything else he might regret. He knew he needed to get on the wizard’s good side if he had any chance of getting the answers he sought. 

“I was hoping you knew a spell to reveal someone’s true intentions. Their… motivations for behaving in a certain way, so to speak,” he finished more seriously. 

Gale pondered the question for a moment before answering. 

“Hmm… yes, there is magic to determine that sort of thing… Although it’s been some time since I practiced it…” He trailed off, rubbing his chin in thought. 

“Why are you asking for such a thing?” he asked suddenly. 

Astarion had been prepared for this question, of course. No one did anything for free, no questions asked. He delivered his explanation perfectly, as he’d been rehearsing in his mind.

“One might say our dear sweet Tav and I have been growing a bit… closer these days, but I can sense a master manipulator when I see one. I just simply want to ensure their intentions toward me - toward the party - are true,” he replied with mock innocence. 

“Ah, yes,” Gale nodded. “I gathered as much when the two of you slipped away from the tiefling’s party a few nights ago.” 

“But,” he continued on,”I needn’t think you should worry when it comes to Tav. She seems about as transparent as they come. I’m sure any intentions she has toward you are true.”

Yes, but the best actors always mask their motivations behind innocence and transparency, Astarion thought to himself. I should know. I’ve been doing it for centuries.

After the party’s unfortunate meeting with that Gur in the Sunlit Wetlands, Astarion realized he would have to take potential threats from Cazador even more seriously. He wasn’t about to lose his freedom, not now that he finally had some small taste of it. 

It didn’t hurt to be more suspicious of everyone he encountered, even the sweetling Tav. Anyone could be an operative sent by Cazador, and the best ones would be as skilled as he was in the art of manipulation. It was well-known at this point that the person he’d grown the closest to on their journey was their brave party leader, Tav. Unlikely as it may be that she was scheming for his master, Astarion’s paranoia wouldn’t let him indulge in interactions with her a second longer unless he knew how she truly felt. 

Given Gale’s hesitation, Astarion knew he would have to kick his acting up a notch. Press on that wizard’s heartstrings. Touch the one nerve he knew he was sensitive to.

“Gale, darling, from one literally damaged soul to another, indulge me just this once,” Astarion beseeched him. 

The wizard glared at him a moment, before finally relenting with a heavy sigh. “Fine. Fine. But I want it known that I don’t agree with this so-called solution one whit,” he grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Yes, yes, noted and formally documented, on my word as a former Baldurian magistrate,” Astarion replied cheerily. “So, let’s hop to it then, shall we?”

“What, right now?” Gale asked, shocked. “Shouldn’t we be, I don’t know, a little less conspicuous?” 

“What better time than now?” Astarion responded. “Tav’s out gathering firewood with Wyll and Karlach. They won’t be back for some time. As for Lae’zel and Shadowheart, well…” he paused, gesturing over his shoulder. 

Said two were engaged in a heated sparring session on the outskirts of the camp. Snarls and curses could be heard emanating from both warriors as they tried, and failed, to gain the upper hand against their opponent.

“That lovers’ dance could go on until morning,” Astarion finished. 

“Fair point,” Gale admitted begrudgingly, grimacing at the sound of swords clashing violently. “Very well. Let’s get started.” 

Clearing his throat, Gale began to utter a series of phrases completely foreign to Astarion. He watched as the wizard began moving his hands in a wavelike pattern, forming a circle before them. Suddenly, a mist began to form from seemingly thin air, taking shape according to the boundaries Gale’s hands were creating. The mist grew more and more opaque until it appeared before them like a clouded mirror. 

As the fogginess of the ethereal magic began to clear, the “mirror” became a confusing blur of scenes whipping by, too fast for Astarion or Gale to really comprehend. There were flashes of Tav and Astarion, together and separate, but they disappeared too quickly to ascertain their context. It was as though the spell was shuffling through the entirety of Tav’s thoughts, assessing each one at breakneck speed. 

Finally, the spell slowed to a halt, stopping on one scene in particular. Astarion was struck speechless by what began playing out in the foggy portal before them. So distracted, he didn’t even notice Gale’s tight cough, or how the wizard suddenly became intensely interested in a copse of trees nearby, rather than the revelation the spell was revealing.

Not that the scene was especially profound, objectively speaking. In fact, to anyone else, it might be viewed as the least revelatory thing possible that the spell could have shown. Boring. Inconsequential, even. But to Astarion, it was almost earth shattering. 

He saw himself - he could see his face! - with Tav, lying tangled together in some immaculate four-poster bed. 

That was the first shock that coursed through him, nearly causing his knees to buckle. He was seeing himself for the first time in over 200 years. Or at least, he was seeing himself as Tav saw him. And… the person he saw… Well, he was gorgeous. White blonde locks, curled and tousled in a devil-may-care sort of way. A strong, patrician nose that suggested good breeding. High, sharp cheekbones. Full lips, upturned in a thoughtless grin. Red eyes bordered by long, sweeping lashes. Delicately pointed elven ears. Smooth alabaster skin, without blemish or spot. 

Astarion could scarcely believe his own eyes. 

The second shock to his system was the nature of their activities. He would have been less surprised had the vision shown them fucking. Him taking her roughly from behind perhaps. His name a cry of ecstasy from her lips as he pistoned in and out of her with a feral sort of determination. 

Fantasies of lust, of total domination, now those were things he was familiar with inspiring in the minds of the victims he had taken as lovers. It was what he strove for, in all honesty. Desire like that all but ensured he would capture his prey and live to serve another day for his master. 

But nothing of the sort was occurring between vision-Tav and himself. Instead, they were just… embracing? What in sweet hells was this?

She lay halfway on top of him. Her hair was mussed, perhaps from sleep or perhaps from previous lovemaking. One hand was drawing absentminded shapes across his chest, her lips trailing behind, leaving kisses in their wake. He watched as vision-Astarion chuckled softly, as his hands slipped beneath her sleepshirt to caress her waist, as he placed an innocent kiss on the top of Tav’s head. Eventually, she reached for his hand. They both watched their fingers intertwine, blissfully content.

It was the purest, unadulterated expression of affection that Astarion had ever seen. Something in his heart quaked at the sight of it. He wanted that moment. He envied, he hated, vision-Astarion for enjoying such apparent happiness.

So absorbed in the vision and its implications, Astarion failed to notice the soft padding of feet that indicated someone’s re-entry into the camp. 

“If the two of you are quite finished poking around in my head,” an angry voice suddenly spat from behind them, “I’d appreciate you preserving what little privacy I have left and shutting that damn spell off.”

Mortified, Astarion and Gale turned to see Tav, arms crossed and visibly seething with rage. Gale quickly dispelled the magic with a flick of his wrist. A blush was slowly but surely rising up Tav’s neck to reach her cheeks. Whether from rage or embarrassment, Astarion couldn’t be certain. 

“Tav, let us explain-” Astarion started.

“It was his idea-” Gale blurted at the same time, pointing at Astarion. 

Both paused, glaring at one another. But Tav would have none of their feeble attempts at backpedaling. 

“The explanation doesn’t matter. Whose idea it was doesn’t matter. The fact is that both of you violated the privacy of my mind, which I’ll remind you, has ALREADY been violated by having a bloody tadpole forced inside of it!” Tav shouted. At their words, the camp became enveloped in a heavy silence. Even the crickets ceased their chirping.

Astarion cringed inwardly, knowing the other party members could plainly hear this altercation and had likely stopped whatever it was that they had been doing to listen in. He noted the sounds of swords clanging together had ceased. He was certain Lae’zel and Shadowheart at least were aware of what was happening. Nosy bastards, all of them.

But what disturbed him even more was the realization that Tav’s eyes were welling with tears. She was too proud to acknowledge them or wipe them away. Such was her nature. But they were there nonetheless, and the knowledge that Astarion had brought her to the point of tears was enough to spur a rush of utter self-loathing inside him.

Without another word, Tav turned on her heel and marched stiffly out of camp, toward the direction of a nearby creek they’d identified as a water source earlier in the day.

“I can’t believe I let you convince me to perform that spell,” Gale said as she disappeared between the trees. He dragged his hands down his face. 

“How could we have been so doltish, forgetting that all of our privacies have already been violated with this tadpole business?”

Astarion didn’t have an answer to that. At least, not one the wizard could possibly understand. 

The thought hadn’t occurred to Astarion, he realized, because violations of privacy had been something so intrinsic to his being for over 200 years. He didn’t even recognize it as something abnormal. Like a fish unaware that the water surrounding it is, in fact, water. 

Violations of privacy were a part of life, at least for him. So much so that his request for Gale to perform that magic hadn’t even occurred to him as an overstepping of boundaries. To Astarion, it had simply been a matter of survival. He had needed to know another potentially manipulative person’s true intentions, and so he had found a means to uncover it and maintain the upper hand. 

Belatedly, he also realized that Gale’s hesitation to cast the spell had had nothing to do with being inconvenienced for the evening, but because the wizard had known that it was improper to do to another person. If he had misread that, Astarion wondered, then what other truly benevolent behaviors had he mistaken as pragmatic manipulation?

“I need to go find her,” Astarion murmured, clenching and unclenching his fists in an uncharacteristic fit of uncertainty. 

“Yes, you do,” Gale asserted. “We both owe her a sincere apology… if she’ll even accept it.”

“I’ll see if I can convince her to come back to camp,” Astarion replied, making to leave in the direction Tav had stormed off. 

“Wait,” Gale said, a hand on his shoulder. Astarion turned to meet his gaze. 

“Look, well, I’m obviously not an expert in healthy demonstrations of affection. But I do think it’s obvious from what you saw in that spell that Tav well and truly cares about you. In perhaps the purest way possible. Treat that carefully.”

Part of Astarion wanted to laugh aloud in utter hopelessness at the wizard’s advice. Someone cared for him? Truly and purely? No hidden games, no strings attached? Oh certainly, that wouldn’t be a problem for Astarion at all. Obviously, his 200-year existence as a master-manipulator-fetch-hound for a power-hungry vampire lord had perfectly prepared him to respond to this situation in a healthy manner. Obviously.

But all that was too much to reveal to someone he barely knew and too heavy to say aloud. Rather than giving some smarmy retort, Astarion opted instead to give a stiff nod and continue walking toward the edge of camp. He had no idea how he could make things right with Tav, but at the very least he could try. 

***

He found Tav sitting on a fallen tree near the edge of the creek bed. Her legs were drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them as she rested a cheek to her knees. In the waning twilight, she reminded Astarion of some misbegotten gargoyle perched on the roof of a temple, solitary and so very sad. 

Her ears twitched as she noted his arrival. Astarion wasn’t trying to be stealthy. On top of everything else, the last thing he needed to do was scare her. 

“Can I join you?” he asked softly, wincing to himself at the awkwardness of the question. 

The reality was that there was no way to broach this conversation without some stilted beginning, and he hated it. Navigating tricky conversations was normally something he excelled at. But as he was quickly finding, when it related to Tav, nothing in his past life had prepared him to respond to her well. 

“If you’d like,” Tav answered tonelessly. 

Knowing it was probably the best response he was going to get, Astarion swallowed thickly and moved to sit down on the log next to her. 

“I… wanted to… apologize for what you saw, back at camp,” he began.

“Apologize for doing it, or apologize for getting caught?” Tav asked as she turned her head to look at him, resting her other cheek on her knees. 

Astarion balked at the question. Her piercing gaze unnerved him. He hadn’t really thought that far. 

“Both, I suppose?” he answered honestly, although it sounded more like a question to Tav. She huffed a laugh.

“You know, part of me really wants to yell at you. Scream in your face. Tell you off proper,” she mused.

“So why don’t you?” Astarion asked, perplexed. 

Tav didn’t respond at first, just sat there studying him. As if by staring at him long enough, she could project the answer into his mind. 

Astarion didn’t interrupt her, much as he would have liked to. Part of him always bristled when people gazed at him for too long. It was unfair that they could study him, when he hadn’t been able to so much as glance at his reflection in over 200 years. 

Finally, Tav released a heavy sigh, her body curling further in on itself. She closed her eyes as she spoke.

“Because then I would be just like every other bastard in your life who’s mistreated you.”

Astarion flinched in surprise. Those had not been the sort of words he’d been expecting. The truth of them cut deeper than had she raged at him like she wanted to. It left him feeling even more vulnerable, and that in turn made him want to retreat into the comfort of viciousness.

“I don’t need you to pull any punches,” he scoffed, glaring at her. “Go ahead and say what you will.”

She straightened up at his tone, opening her eyes and returning his glare. 

“No. I don’t want to,” she said testily.

“I don’t need your pity,” he hissed. “It’s insulting.”

“Gods damn it all, Astarion!” Tav exclaimed suddenly, causing him to jump in surprise. She threw her hands up in defeat. “I’m not doing anything out of pity! I don’t want to rage at you, because I know that whatever I say right now, I won’t mean it come the morning!”

Astarion blinked. Once again he was left feeling flat footed by the turn of the conversation. Sensing his surprise, Tav continued on with her deluge of words.

“You hurt me tonight, and I’m angry at you - and at Gale, for that matter - for what you did. But you’ve shared enough of your… history… with me, that I realize your behavior is just… just a byproduct of centuries of abuse and manipulation you’ve endured! And I won’t be another abuser in your life. I won’t,” she asserted. 

Astarion continued staring at her, as if she were some otherworldly creature that had just wandered across his path. He watched as Tav inhaled a deep breath, releasing it shakily. She turned away from him to peer out into the forest, uncertain. She opened and closed her mouth several times before actually speaking. As if whatever she was about to say was more intimidating to her than anything else she’d said tonight. 

“I… care deeply for you, Astarion,” she said quietly. “You obviously saw that in the vision. I’m not playing any games. There’s no hidden motive. I’m not trying to manipulate you.”

She turned to look at him again before continuing, her breathing a bit unsteady. 

“I didn’t sleep with you that night of the tiefling party as some sort of maneuver to gain your trust. Although I understand if that was your motivation for doing so.” 

Astarion’s expression morphed into one of guilt. But Tav nodded soberly, as if she had already expected it, before continuing on. 

“It’s okay. I’m not angry. But I’m putting all my cards on the table now, so to speak. Actually, your decision tonight forced my hand, but I had been planning on telling you soon anyway. So, there you have it. The truth of my intentions. What you do with that information is up to you.”

She turned back to gaze out at their surroundings. Like she was giving him the opportunity to bolt away without her watching him. As if she expected him to flee from her confession. 

But Astarion didn’t flee. He remained seated, staring at her in complete wonderment. 

“Why?” he asked quietly.

She looked back at him again, confusion evident on her face. 

“Why what?”

“Why do you care for me? You’re so… well-adjusted. And I’m well… this,” he finished lamely, placing a hand on his chest. 

Tav pursed her lips. “It would be a mistake to misconstrue my empathy for you as me being well-adjusted. Everyone has their own demons, Astarion,” she murmured. “Mine just look different from yours.”

Astarion mulled her words over in his mind, considering them. He leaned forward to brace his forearms on his knees, his head drooping slightly. 

“I…,” he started, unsure. “That vision… what it implied… You deserve something real, Tav. You’re incredible… truly.” 

Tav closed her eyes, bracing for the fallout. Even though she would accept his decision, whatever it was, she didn’t think she could bear to watch him deny her. It would hurt too much. 

“Look. When we met, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan,” he blurted all at once. Rising swiftly to his feet, Tav watched as he began to pace before her, near to bursting with frenetic energy. 

“Seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me,” he counted off, laughing half-heartedly. “It was… easy - instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it. And all I had to do… was not fall for you… which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart,” he finished, stopping to stand before her. 

She held his gaze, speechless. 

“I want you,” he whispered fervently. “I want what was in that vision… I want us to be something real.”

Never in a million years had she thought he would respond to her like this. She opened her mouth to speak, but Astarion cut her off with another sudden exclamation. 

“I just don’t know what real is,” he confessed, his tone a touch hysterical. Tav knew from his body language that being this transparent was completely out of Astarion’s comfort zone. 

“Being… close to someone - any kind of intimacy - was something I performed to lure people back. For him. Even though I know things between us are different, being with someone still feels… tainted. Still brings up those feelings of disgust, and loathing. I… I don’t know how else to be with someone. No matter how much I’d like to,” he finished, staring at her with beseeching eyes, willing her to understand.

Tav rose to her feet, coming to stand before him. 

“I don’t want you for your body,” she whispered. “Or to perform any acts of intimacy. We can be together, without sleeping together, for as long as you need.”

“Really,” he asked softly, his voice pitched low, rough with emotion.

“Really,” Tav asserted, giving him a small smile. “Would it be all right if…” she paused, conflicted. He eyed her curiously.

“Could I hug you?” she whispered.

The fact that she asked before doing so caused a well of emotion to spring up inside him. Eyes watering, Astarion nodded. 

Slowly, Tav moved forward to wrap her arms around his waist. Her head nestled into the crook of his neck and shoulder. A perfect fit. He felt her exhale a deep sigh.

Tav hugging him was a sensation unlike any he had ever felt. At least, any he could remember feeling. The act of being touched, embraced, without any desire for something more. She just wanted to hold him, feel him close to her. It was incomprehensible to him, but utterly enjoyable, at the same time. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Astarion raised his arms to return Tav’s embrace. Drawing her even closer, he bowed his head to rest his cheek against her hair. It was soft, like the finest silk. He closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply, appreciating her sweet, floral scent.   

She made to pull away after a moment, not wishing to overwhelm him. But Astarion gripped her more firmly, a silent urge for them to stay that way a little longer. 

“This… this is nice,” he whispered. 

He both felt and heard Tav hum contentedly in response. 

It wasn’t identical to the vision from Tav’s mind that he had seen, but Astarion reveled in their embrace nonetheless. It felt like the beginning of something new. And for the first time in his very, very long life, Astarion felt excited at the prospects of what would come next. 

[the-monkeies-girl]

Scolding. ( Noa x Human!Reader, POTA Oneshot. )

Title: Scolding. Fandom: ( Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Pairing: Implied! Noa x Human!Reader. Rating: T. ( Sexual implications, talks of a naked human body. ) Words: 4.5K+ Summary: What would Noa's reaction be to seeing you in a dress for the first time?

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It was long faded; your eyes scanning the yellow tinted fabric of a dress you had scavenged only a few months ago when Anaya, Soona and Noa had taken you to the Echo ruins for the first time. Faded but in the dim orange glow of your hut, you could still see the vividity of the flower pattern that once clung so happily to the threads. They appeared blackened now and barely outlined the shapes of petals, but your imagination did its due job and filled in the blanks for you.

It was like it was barely clinging to whatever hue it had been for the last three-hundred years, beaten and soaked by the sun’s wrath until it came into your loving and reminiscent possession. It would have been easy to explain to the three Apes if they had captured you admiring it. You liked Echo things. You were Echo to them in most regards despite the constant reassurance that you were also a part of the Clan. It would be easy to just tell them that you found the pattern interesting and leave it at that but something yelled inside of your mind to take it. 

Humanities self-loathing jealousy for things more beautiful than the nature that surrounded you day in and day out.

Humanities seething love for things that would make themselves outwardly more appealing.

Hesitantly at first, you had no reason to tuck it into your rucksack that Autumn day and take it back to the Eagle Clan but something spurred you to do just that, it was as if the other bodies it had once been placed upon were seeping into you and telling you stories one by one from over the generations of who had owned it up until its time with you. Stories of firsts kisses in the dress, chaste and afraid, stories of love and adoration as the wearer was showered in compliments from their significant other, closer melancholy of another Human finding it and never realizing the value….

You were a romantic and it pained at times that the world you found yourself in, especially from your Human lineage, tore that down and destroyed it into a lacking ghost of what it could have been. Human’s did not love the same way Apes did, and it was apparent from the first day you came to be with Noa. 

It was different.

You folded the crinkled fabric gently between your fingers and never looked back on it, no intentions made for the garment as it was shoved into the sack against your hip. You washed it the day after and it did nothing but sit as a folded pile in your hut, a shimmered reminder of the remnants of Humanity, a sweeping caress you would place your hand on when you wanted to remember a time before your own.

A time where there swirled nothing but vanity and the self-absorbed nature of individuals that would ultimately and always lead to the downfall that began generations ago. No need for it in the climate of the Winter when you had taken it, no need for it in the political position that the world sat in, teetering between intelligent Apes and the smaller, dwindling aspect of intelligent Humans.

But still… Your eyes admired the garment for what it had been once as it was splayed on your animale hide boasted nest. Faux wooden buttons against the bosom that were chipped around the edges, the silky texture of the thinned straps as you lifted the dress upwards, wrinkling in on itself and let it drape down your body and pressing at the crevices of your shape, stopping at mid-thigh with a shrill of exhilaration trickling down your spine.

It felt strange to be so exposed to the air, your arms tucked in on themselves out of censored defense and it took all your willpower to relax a bit as your heart ran a marathon against your ribcage to the point of self-inflicted hardened breathing. 

Your entire life centered around safety and keeping yourself alive, something that you loosened control over once you became more associated with the Eagle Clan. Once… Noa had taken you under his Eagle’s wing and secured your survival by always being at your side. A dress was juxtaposed to that, no armor and no shield against otherwise delicate skin and that felt guilt filled and sinful in your mind. There was nothing telling you that it was appropriate.

There was nothing assuring you that Noa would even like it. He’d probably think it pointless. Clothing were clothing to him, such an Echo aspect of privacy that did not exist to Apes who wore no clothing and only accessories with cross body bags, thinned twine belts and the armbands that signified they were a Clan, together and not apart. 

There was screaming from your appendages fully cased in the firelight, the heat being a gift against the otherwise chilled Summer air that surrounded you, there was no guarantee that a snake wouldn’t sink its teeth into your leg after popping out from the tall grass of the meadow, there was nothing stopping a bug from landing on you and trailing around as if you were one with nature. Not that those things would be an issue. 

You’d let Noa sink his sharp canines bouncing against the moonlight straight into you without reserve if that’s what he so chose to do upon seeing flesh that had never been seen, you’d let Noa’s hands trail your bare arms, fluttering and calloused like the tiny legs of a beetle in an attempt to keep you warm and there was a drop in your stomach that you were… Wearing what you were in order to garner some semblance of attention from the otherwise occupied Master of the Birds. Would he… notice? Your fingers trailed against the bottom hem of the dress, wavy and bumpy as the fabric was coming undone in spots and it had obviously been repaired by inadequate sewing. There was a small hole right above your belly button, beckoning even the most docile eyes to look at it and it captivated you to see the color of the dress against the tone of your skin.

The things that could happen to you for being so bare would not happen, they persisted as improbabilities against the larger scape of what would happen when you finally mustered enough courage to tug your equally worn jacket over your shoulders and trailed to meet Noa once the sun had fully set in the field adjacent to the Village. 

Quiet and peaceful, the two of you could enjoy each other's company without the prying stares from the other Chimps, without the constant pestering from Anaya or the curious glances from Soona that told you all you needed to know about the Eagle Clan’s leaders intentions towards you.

Ignoring them was the way to go around it but it was hard at times when you found no time alone with each other, finally yearning to use the dress for what you imagined its intended purpose might have been at one time in the past. To impress. To dazzle against the wearer and show their intended what might lay underneath. It did just that, not to boast about yourself. It clung to you like a second skin, stretching the fabric as you took a deep breath in and held it carded in the depths of your lungs. 

No bra, your breasts perked against the thinned textile as you trailed a hand upwards to adjust the right sleeve against your suddenly heady skin. It felt so… Human to wear. The drawing in your mind and imagine that Noa would want to tear it right off of you. The growl he’d release for you upon seeing what was underneath as if it weren’t evident enough from the way the yellow garment was hugging the right places. You doubted that it would make a difference, you were both too shy to act upon impulse but it was a tasty delicacy you were using to hype up the anxious sensation in your limbs as you released the breath you had been holding in. 

The gravity at the center of your being felt unbalanced as your feet shuffled themselves into your boots. Not adequate for the rest of the outfit, you had no way to tell how the dress might have looked actually put together with the proper accessories but you did your best and flattened the fabric against your hips and sighed. Whoever had worn this before… Who ever fitted it against themselves like you were doing must have felt the same, right?

The blood rushing in your ears with silenced anticipation, the jittering of fingers right under your breasts as you smoothed the cloth there starting from the buttons lining down your sternum and out towards the flare of your ribcage. This was fruitless, Noa would not care, you mind was convinced of that and you had no idea what you were even thinking as you grasped your jacket with your right hand and faced the exit of your hut. 

Noa would not care and that was alright. As long as you felt good about yourself wearing it, that was all that mattered as you trailed right out the entryway. 

The gliding of your thighs against each other was an odd sensation outside of them ever kissing when you washed yourself. They were often carded in the thicker fabric of your cargo pants or pressed together without release when you slept and you never took notice of the lick of arousal it garnered from just your mind running with the idea that Noa would want to touch you there. The way his leathered touch would feel against them as they were pried right open with very little strength. How hot he’d be against you as he slotted his tapered waist between then and urged you to tighten and stay secure as he rocked into your body. 

Your mouth fell open at the absurdity of the thought but it was persistent and called for you to walk a bit faster, feet trudging through the scape of the village to the east. Noa was waiting. The Chimp was always waiting for you, the outline of his body finally captivating your minored night vision that was aided by a few of the fire stakes that scattered the perimeter of the Clan’s edges. He would not care, your mind replayed itself over and over again but there was the excitement of the Ape seeing you for the first time so vulnerably. You hoped that’s how it came across. A sense of comfort, a sense of understanding that you felt… Safe with him to wear such absurd and impractical garments. You had no idea what he found so interesting about you, heart racing inside of its ribcaged home as you came to walk more gently against the ground, eager to not step on anything that might alarm yourself like an innocently placed twig begging to be snapped under the weight of your body. There were obviously unspoken things that were of interest to both parties, the way that Noa looked over at you upon your impending arrival, shoulder fur rising in acute absorption as was the case when you made your presence known to the Ape who had to have known of your arrival before you hit his peripheral.

Noa’s vision was greater than your own; the sweep from your feet all the way up to your head, the Ape loomed over every small detail he was able to detect against the backdrop of the village itself. You could almost feel the dilation of his gold and green irises, blown to proportion from the lack of proper lightly and more so… You were desperate to think that it was more from how you looked in his line of vision rather than the strain his gaze needed to present to see things about you in detail. 

Noa’s mouth parted naturally as was his natural default expression, something you found so amusing as it casted a light right against the sheen of his sharpened canines when under the right circumstances before they drifted back into the home of his gums. But this… Your heart fluttered a bit to crazed in your chest as you came a bit closer, grasping the hem of the dress once more to keep the nerves that were bursting out at bay.

This time out of more surprise at the appearance of your… Arms. Longer than his own, he was able to see the build of your flesh against what smaller muscles you had to his own. There was the delicate coating of your thinned hair that he was able to detect as the flushed light behind you seemed to set your skin aglow at the angle of which he was peering up at you with. 

So… Strange… Noa felt a jolt inside of his navel and it blossomed upwards to rest right beneath his diaphragm. Uncomfortably, he shifted his position and tried to get it to go away as Noa’s mind collapsed in on itself. Has… Has he seen them like this before? Your legs! Had he seen… Your legs been like this before? Tangling in on themselves as if you had just learned how to walk? Your calves shone as they caught the light. They were so new, he wanted to touch them. Noa’s brow hardened at that thought. He wanted to do more to them than that, but was he willing to relent the control he had over himself to admit? 

Noa wondered… If they felt any different than his own set of legs. They were more proportionate to your body length and seemed to stagger here and there against the terrain, balance was never your forte and Noa was on alert even now to make sure you did not take a tumble. On the flip side, Chimp legs  were shorter and more attune to heavy lifting and were incredibly centered to allow him to balance and hold with the help of his dexterous feet.

He could lift you and force you to let him admire you. To sink into the flesh that was teasing him so ardently along with the overwhelming fragrance that rivaled the meadow’s speckled wild flowers. The scent between your legs that was so clear in regular clothing was smothering to him and caused a stifled jostle for the Ape that was hard to ignore as you walked nearer and gave him a small brisk smile of affection and adoration. 

“So-Sorry I’m late. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to wear.” 

That sounded so Human, you wanted to slap yourself, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear as you tried to set aside the everlasting notion that Noa was perplexed beyond belief and it was hard to see otherwise when he was coiling himself into a tightened ball of nerves beside you. The hackles of fur along his broadened shoulders rose from interest at the lack of clothing. At the lack of privacy you were showcasing. It was forbidden in his mind to ever think about your body like that, Noa had no self-control to stop and the one time he allowed himself to go down that road, he couldn’t look at you for an entire week out of shell-shocked embarrassment.

Noa was stagnant and amply watched as you dropped your jacket first onto the ground for you to sit on before following suit with your delicious frame. It was like it was slowed down and dilated for him to take in every detail. The ripping of the fabric against your skin as you stretched your thighs apart to seat yourself properly, the way that drifted up ever so slightly and gave witness to a piece of your hamstring as your legs lifted and rested into a crossed position, the strap that was holding the garment up drifted downwards and stopped right above the bend of your elbow and the Ape found it difficult to not gawk at the newly exposed piece of your jugular. 

It was heavily beating implying nerves on your end from the quickened pace. Implying want and desire as Noa felt his mouth run dry with temptation to place his teeth against the beating vein. Right away and without any reserve, your arousal was drifting around the young Ape like a ripened fruit best to pick off the branch at the moment than to wait any longer. He had not seen what you were wearing before. Ever.

It was obvious from the pulling and drift of your breathing which catapulted the fabric against and away from your chest that you weren’t wearing anything underneath, scratching at the inner part of Noa’s conscious mind that he did desire to see what lay there, bare and without fur. Sure, Female Apes had the same characteristics you had, there was nothing… Special about them, Noa fluttered his eyes to the side in an attempt to keep the morbidity of his train of thought at bay. 

So why would the young Chimp be so… interested in seeing you… Without anything on? Sure, the fabric seemed interesting enough, mildly see-through Noa had to admit to seeing that when you first beckoned your arrival with a blushed smile. At least where the textile was thinner did it appear to cling closer to your skin, Noa’s mind felt like it was set ablaze with a trace of jealousy that he wanted to cast his body against yours in such fashion---...

There was the small hole of wear and tear that tugged right below your right breast, against the ridge of what Noa imagined to be your ribs… It expanded and shot back in with every breath you took as if it were teasing the Ape that it might just burst open if you inhaled too aggressively.

Maybe it was the primal part of Noa’s mind that yearned to see you exposed as a form of acceptance, that you were Ape just like he, just like Soona, Anaya and Dar. You were after all, with a roll of his shoulders at the satisfaction of the thought itself, Noa chuffed, you were a part of the Eagle Clan. There was no need for the pesterance of clothing, but you insisted and Noa never argued against the Echo logic which held privacy and embarrassment so highly. 

Maybe in some sick twisted way, Noa just wanted to know what your reaction to being bare would be. Would you try to cover yourself up, much like you were doing as you drew your arms to fold against your sternum, ultimately bolstering your breasts against the cap of the dress collar. Noa looked at that briefly and puffed his cheeks out before gazing out at the stark field that now held very little interest for him.

You’d try to cover yourself up was the deduced fact just as Noa was trying to sly away from the fact that there was a part of him that was yearning to just stare at you instead of the darkened landscape to figure out the purpose of your choice. It was warm enough, Noa figured, feeling a heated breeze through his thinner fur of the Summer and colliding with the skin beneath. 

“What… Is it? Have not seen you-... Wear…. That.”

“I found it… A couple months ago…” Your voice was hushed as you looked down at your own body and shuffled your butt a bit to get comfortable against the ground below. It was mildly cushioned from the bent grass that conformed against your lower half, tickling a bit at your bare legs and left a ricochet shiver to run up them and let it linger between your legs. There was no way to play faux confidence even as the yellow dress dragged itself upwards and displayed more of your thigh for Noa to take delectations in. You wanted to do nothing but pull it down and apologize for the mis-understanding and scuttle back to your hut for the night and tear it off with no intentions to ever wear it again.

All futile attempts at thinking that Noa’s opinions did not matter were lost. You… Cared, your heavy eyelids fell shut slightly as you looked at your lap where your hands were tangled in on themselves, pulling into knots with your fingertips and releasing them out of anxious desire for either one of your to say something that was going to be beneficial instead of sitting in what felt like bated and intensely scrutinized judgment.

What… Was Noa thinking? Did--- did he like it? Did the Ape think it was just a stupid Echo aspect, to worry about what you wanted to wear? To worry about your outward appearance? You drew a deep breath in but that did nothing to help your mind from falling into a pit of its own despair.  There was a pull in the center of your chest that hurt more than you cared to admit at the time that you wanted Noa to say something about it, even if it were critical so you could retaliate as if your words were going to convince him otherwise.

“I-I think we…” The tapering in your voice was relaxed and flowed into eased correction, “Echo… used to call it a dress.”

“You have not,” Noa muttered softly, and shifted his body ever so slightly so his shoulder brazenly drifted against your own and it felt like your skin was set aflame that rivaled even the bonfire in the center of the village at its peak during the evening meal. “Worn before.” That was said previously but in a different way and this time, it was accompanied by a swinging of Noa’s right arm to translate it into signing as if that were going to help the intended thoughts that now danced around the inside of his mind as frenzied contact between your stares was made and Noa felt a shattering of your clear scent radiate down into the depths of his nostrils once more and he turned back forwards, leaving your mouth open as if you were going to say something but ultimately decided against it at his reaction. It was an astute observation by an already obsessive Ape who took things apart at times to cure whatever seeped inquisitiveness that possessed him at the time.

That… You tilted your body inwards and captivated the very tips of Noa’s darkened fur against otherwise virgin skin that Noa himself started to enter by shifting his larger body towards your own.  That obsession was something you always found so attractive about Noa and it appeared it dove even deeper by your underlying desire to be the puzzle that he could not crack but attempted time and time again.

“Not much… to cover Echo’s… arms and legs.”

“Not really.” It was getting more difficult to hide the disappointment in your voice as you uncrossed your legs carefully, feeling the cracking of your kneecaps as you did so. Sitting up so you were able to pull the dress down enough to cover yourself better, you tugged the fabric to the point of the stretch against your thigh and carded your knees inwards so you could curl into a defended ball of nerves that now leaked uneasy confidence. “I think it was used more for celebrations and stuff… Thought it would… be nice to wear. Something different, you know?” The words felt empty and shallow now that you were explaining it in verbalization. Noa pressed his mouth together into a tightened line of discernable emotion. He knew you well enough to notice the shift in your tone. The body language that you paraded here with was gone with whatever semblance of self-assurance you had when you told him that you were unsure of what to wear and ultimately choose what was laying against your flesh that Noa wanted nothing more than to sink his own canines into. Forget the fabric, he'd be able to rip that off without any notice if it chose to get in his way---...

There were things the Ape could say, his teeth bared themselves in a small grimace of frustration aimed towards himself only while the fur along his longed collarbones rose in agreement to the emotion that ravaged around. The only coping mechanism Noa had was self-deprecation at times like these when he lacked the Echo understanding of what you were begging him for. Gritting the blunted top and bottom set of his teeth together for a split second, Noa relaxed his jaw and glanced towards you as you actioned your neck upwards to look at the sky and the twinkling of the lights that dotted along the midnight navy backspace.

There was such innate interest in you, Noa wanted you to know that but how… Could he just come out and say it? There was no way that you’d be receptive… Right? “Think it is… Nice. Something different…” 

Noa nodded his head assuredly at his own choice of words, hoping you recognized them as having a dual meaning. One towards the yellow scorned dress that had been faded and brought back to life by a captivating body and movements that flushed against your hips, bustled against your chest and waved invitingly at the Chimp, and the other towards the wearer itself. The hold of your shoulders that seemed to perk with anticipation, shoulder caps flushed with red that was from the heat of Noa’s proximity.

“Something different… is always… Nice.”

The smile that Noa gave you was rushed but held enough tenacity emotion for you to notice that it was bashful as if he were unsure of the cadences of his statement. As if he were… Afraid that you would not understand. Noa’s mouth parted once more, dripping his hot breath against the warmed skin of your bicep as the breathing was rapid but paced and not sporadic. You found yourself in a mimicked position, your lungs being crushed in by your position but it felt good and soothing against the knowledge that Noa was… Attempting to give a compliment, if you so chose to be optimistic about what the Master of the Birds was uttering to you.

And optimistic you stayed.

“Do you think so?” You whispered hushed, bringing your face down to kiss your forearm as you wrapped your arms around your knees and kept yourself positioned to longingly peer up at the sky. Noa felt jealous at that, shuffling once more to bump his shoulder against yours in an attempt to keep you grounded and focused on only himself. Selfish, he knew that but the way that you tore your eyes back into his foliage irises was something that lit Noa on fire, the smile that tugged itself across your expression was something the Ape longed to see over and over again. And he wanted to be the only one to stir it from you. 

“I think… It is welcomed. Especially when it is… You who brings something… Different.”

[absolutebl]

Meet You At the Blossom - Watch Along

Maybe a trash watch? We will find out.

But first what do we know about this show?

Well, I can't for the life of me remember the title. The article placement it too weird so it will henceforth be called Blossom okay?

Here's what I learned from @renafire

Duck daddy!!!!! I bring news! China didn't kill the gays! Meet You at the Blossom is an HEA! Golden retriever XiaoBao x ice prince Huaien (who gets the shit stabbed out of him an awful lot for being a ML). A side CP of dumb, pretty bodyguard x eccentric doctor. The background plot was basically a bunch of middle age men fighting about the ML's long dead mother. Needles! So many needles! (It was practically a sickfic tbh) Flapping sleeves! Flowing hair! Poison! Politics! A villain weirdly into kites! Prisoners in chains you can easily slip your hand through! Dimples! Loyal bodyguards becoming family! It's not the best thing ever, but it ends happily! There was even a line about "true love has nothing to do with gender" which I feel like is a big deal for something associated with China?

This convinced me to watch, so I thought I'd just post it verbatim to convince you, too.

So I'd refused to watch Blossom because I assumed the leads would die or at least be torn asunder at the end, and that there would be no kisses.

So this Watch Along is going to be me eating crow.

China pretty much always does censored BL (when they do it at all) since 2017 or so. You can watch something like My E-Sports Genius Brother for the style of "happy but censored BL" that I've grown to expect from China. (Although I wouldn't necessarily recommend it.)

They didn't used to do this! Time once was that China was this chaotic minefield of tasty mess meets terrible tropes (like kidnapping, stepbrothers, rape, whipping boy, and dub con). I had a weird love for it at the time because it was the Wild Wild World of BL beck then and I didn't know to expect better.

I come from 90s Yaoi. Remember?

Ah the bad old days. (You can read a history of CBL here. Not updated in ages.)

Where was I?

So, what I knew about Blossom was that it was a Wuxia BL and that it was made with Thailand, or for Thailand, or something to do with Thailand (there is Thai script on the promo material) and that it wasn't being distributed inside Mainland China. (I still worry about the actors but that's kinda a natural state for me and BL outside of Japan.)

Outside of China Blossom got wide distribution showing up everywhere iQIYI (China based), Viki (Japan based), Gaga (Taiwan based) WeTV (US Based) and YouTube (Thai Channel Artop Media is serving it).

It also looks like Heavenly is involved and they are Korea based. So like, everyone had their mitts on this thing. We live in crazy times.

Okay so, here are my 20 expectations:

Pony tails with a ribbon or two

Lots of questionable older tropes, especially dub-con & kidnapping (the herb that makes you horny maybe?)

Flowing filmy robes wafting everywhere

EXTREMELY PRETTY men, costumes, make up, setting... well, everything

No consent whatsoever

Pokey pokey, but not with the right kind of swords (a naked blade will be grabbed by a naked hand, sadly also not in the preferred way)

A bodyguard hotter than he has any right to be, wearing black

Floaty fighty fighty, including but not limited to: skid backwards through puffs of dust, a leap to land + one knee down + holding sword + head bowed, a twirly protect baby from baddies

A boat in a lotus pond

Poison, probably green, glittery if I'm lucky

Circular architecture

A big fuck off fan

Puppy-cat pairing

They wander through bamboo, sit down at the edge of a lake, probubly on a log

Wound tending, of course, because there will be lots of wounds

Someone pushed onto a platform bed (also kneeling in front of it)

A jail with straw in it

Older men with sparse beards detracting from the romance

Fruit or some other food being thrown

Some serious SLEEVE action.

Li Le as Zong Zheng Huai En

Probably the reserved unhinged one. Has sword, will prod.

He has a solid track record of shows under his belt. So to speak. One wonders how they persuaded him to do BL. He sure is pretty tho.

Wang Yun Kai as Jin Xiao Bao

The son of the wealthiest man in the Jiangnan region, probably the cheerful cute one.

He's an entirely green actor.

Most of the cast is from mainland China, with the exception of Achi Sukonlaphat Sribubpha, who is Thai (obvs) and under Artop Media.

Nancy Chen is directing

She is a Taiwanese director and screenwriter, who directed HIStory 4 and HIStory 5 (neither all that great) and was behind very queer friendly Pappy & Daddy.

I wouldn't call her a stellar director. I would say I've been reserving judgement, but if you pin me down I'd call her Taiwan's New.

Pitch

Xiao Bao (cute) falls in love with icy, white-robed stunner Huai En due to an unexpected meeting. Discovers she is actually a boy (and a baddie). Hijinx ensue.

Adapted from the novel Hua Kai You Shi Tui Mi Wu Sheng 花开有时, 颓靡无声 by Shui Qian Cheng 水千丞

Co-production with China and Taiwan. But the country of origin is listed as Thailand.

12 Episodes, 40 min each (or so) for a total fresh content run time of 8 hours.

Aired: Jul 11, 2024 - Aug 15, 2024 on iQiyi, Viki, WeTV, Gaga

Shall we get started?

I had a surfeit of options since Viki, Gaga, and iQIYI all had Blossom. I like Viki's interface best, want to support Gaga the most, but in this case, I opted for iQIYI because... screen shots. So it's all your fault.

EPISODE 1: Nicknames, pretty men, dimples, twirly, stabby, floof!

I don't like the intro music, it's too slow and tinkly, but classic for the genre I suppose. Still I'm fast forwarding through all the falling cherry blossoms.

All right. Now it's about time for... YES...

Emperor Infodump

Chancellor of Extraneous Explanations

As You Know Bo

Sorry sorry. The puns must flow.

The deets: layabout emperor = chaos & suffering. New emp = strong & popular but his baby bro wants to rule. New emp exiles bro to obscurity. New emp = good ruler. Order established through patriarchal dominance. Children laughing in the street. Got it.

I will not be remembering names, FYI.

We open on kid in trouble over a kite killed(?) by baddie.

Enter pretty spangled skippy puppy McDimples. I shall call him Dimples. Dimples = spoiled rich kid having trouble finding a wife - presumably because they all know he gay.

Enter hottie evil cut-glass cheekbones McPoutypants. Haven't decided what I shall call him. It'll come to me.

Extremely pretty men. CHECK.

Ooo, a big hat on horse back!

Of course, how could I not have had that trope on my checklist? My bad.

And a bunch of assassins slow-dropping out of trees like lazy fruit. I forgot that, too.

I gotta say, fairy prince or high elf is not a bad moniker for twirly-sword cheekbones supreme.

Floaty fighty fighty! CHECK

Oh, I thought they'd go in for crossdressing at the very least but I guess they went for Dimples is an idiot instead. Interesting choice. I see we also have the "baby is a clumsy bunny" trope all set to deploy. Carry on.

Grab the sword and skid through the dirt. CHECK!

And a fainting!

Pony tail with ribbons. CHECK

Dimples might be a bit too much of a prat and an idiot for me.

[Have begun watching at 1.25 speed. Don't fault me.]

I always find the orange/yellow eye makeup that Cdramas put on characters of questionable morality fascinating. Why those colors specifically? And why eye makeup specifically?

We arrive home. It fancy. Daddy doesn't want an unknown lady for his baby (silly daddy, ladies are for ladies, boys are for boys).

Everyone acknowledging that elf prince is, in fact, The Prettiest is very pleasing to me.

Meanwhile, there is some kind of list/stuff/thingy and Prince Shen wants it and is a bad guy, maybe? I can't remember names from the beginning so I have no idea what's going on with the plot but also, it is only going to get more convoluted. Plus the weekend is coming so I'll eventually be drinking and watching this. Plot is for people who don't like BL. And don't have six bottles of sake in their fridge.

Snicker.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Judiciously NOT following the plot.

Dimples and his 2 enablers seem to share about 1/3 of a braincell between them. But they're sincere about it.

Engage secret identity trope and the expected cross dressing.

Ooo Shen is The Prettiest's uncle? Damn it I'm trying to follow the plot again. Must not get sucked into plot. This is a Cdrama therein lies madness. Ah, Prettiest is the son of the emperor's exiled younger bro? Got it.

Twirly protect baby from baddies! CHECK

And that's episode 1 in the bag. In the sheath?

My thoughts so far:

This couldn't be more exactly what I expected if it tried. I mean it is trying. And it's succeeding in being a Wuxia BL. So. Yay! Performing to the packaging. I appreciate that in a show.

I'm looking forward to more.

(On the advice of one of my spies I've switched to watching on YT when I can, YT and Gaga are supposed to have the better subs than iQIYI and Viki. That said I found iQIYI's serviceable.)

EPISODE 2: Checking a bunch of stuff off my list in rapid succession

Poisoning?

No. Sex herb? CHECK

Discovery that she is in fact he?

Dominance Tussle? Dub con? Rape? Already? CHECK

Well that came fast (presumably so did he).

There’s a lot happening all at once at the beginning of just ep 2. 

It’s an ACCOUNT BOOK that’s causing all this fuss? Hilarious. 

Enter the anticipated hottie (bodyguard? spy?) in all black wearing a hedgehog. CHECK

(I didn’t expect the hedgehog, I have to admit.)

Oh is the single brain cell society is trying to grow additional brain cells? That's not gonna work.

Cheekbones is still the prettiest.

Oh HELLO stern grabby Daddy not-older brother of yummy. We likey.

Who do you belong to?

Why do you have The Biggest Sleeves?

Do I take that as a sign of gayness?

Please? 

Ooo looks like I’m right. 

Also this is very silly.

And "I never said she was a woman."

It’s just so funny.

OH NO!

Stern prince bro is leaving already?

I only had Grabby McDaddy for a very short length of time. I already miss him. 

Meanwhile, Dimples apparently has no compunction about being in love with a man, we blew through a bisexual identity crisis while I wasn't looking, and now we exist inside the gay=okay bubble? I did not expect The Bubble(tm) to show up in a Wuxia, but I guess this is a BL universe and we all just float around in it… 

Cheekbones is a bit of an asshole. Quite apart from the, ya know, bit of rapey rape thing.

I also did not have absolutely terrible VO dubbing on my bingo card. I forgot about that one in Cdramas.

EPISODE 3: Distracted by the pretty

Some kind of dark past for dimples and his little (not blood ) sister. 

Sniff test, the greatest trope of 2024 apparently. Nice to see the execution of a modern trope in a vintage style BL.

Aa ha! Kneeling next to a platform bed. CHECK

And more poisoning and drugs.

Wound tending. CHECK

Aweeeee Dimples is worried about Cheekbones! How cute.

Also, the ice queen appears to be melting.

Ooo. More sexitimes? Consensual this time. Okay. I guess Taiwan did get its nuts all over this show. (Honestly, that was a mistype but I'm keeping it in.)

The bit with all the bodyguards was great.

And my love for Mr. All-Black Clued-in Hottie persists.

We are now in the “does he like me back?” phase of the high school narrative. We are also in the "do I like him at all?" part of the narrative. Suddenly, this is an angsty YA. 

Ice queen has melted and is now turning into jelly. (Can you tell I’m very pleased with myself and this metaphor?) 

And now, Dimples is sick?

Boy, is this fast moving! I have to say, that is something I did not expect at all. Usually Cdramas are much slower than this.

I do love how shameless D imples is. It’s kind of delightful. He’s definitely in his bisexual awakening slut phase.

Cheekbones is also a doctor, apparently. Useful man. 

In other news: I would really like to add a full length crossover wafting robe into my wardrobe. I have no idea why I feel compelled by such a thing.

EPISODE 4: Gay sleeves AT last

Not a lot happened in this episode. Mostly flirting. More backstory and plot that doesn’t really matter. Presumably this intended to be character motivation?

We do not need him to be motivated we need him to be pretty. Understand the brief please.

Why no more floaty floaty sleeves?

Oooo, because sleeves in gay! CHECK

I did like the scene of the blood being cleaned up after the assassination attempt(?). It’s kind of nice to see that depicted for a change. I always worry about all that blood on that nice stone work.

Oh the handholding it was very cute.

Ice queen has melted and now turned entirely to jelly. Very very jelly.

Dimples is so stupid proud of his tall deadly wife. It's flipping adorable in a very goofy way.

I guess Cheekbones has come around and now Dimples has officially been claimed, multiple times and in multiple ways. He can't change his mind or anything now. Trouble is afoot...

asleeve?

ahead...

ahem.

I'll stop now.

EPISODE 5 - It is a Thing I guess?

OMG Cheekbones just loves his stilly bint of a bf. It’s absolutely absurd. The ultimate puppy/cat pairing.

I love it that he’s just casually walking around with a knife sticking out of his back and only cares that baby may have gotten a splinter in his finger.

Now we are in the vows portion of the early romance. I am assuming betrayal is coming soon? 

Grabby McDaddy! I missed you! Here to perform the part of Basil Exposition I see? No grabby for me? Sad. Unfortunately, if you aren’t flirting with a man I’m going to be fast forwarding. Although your sleeves are very nice.

Uh oh, Dimples is in trouble. 

Okay that was that. No screen caps, I lazy.

EPISODE 6 - DOOOMMMM

Oh lovely. More rape. I guess Dimples went looking for that response? Is that the implication? Does Dimples have a rape kink? What is with this show? 

No brothels for a baby I guess.

It’s not gay... it’s poison? 

It’s not bisexuality... it’s the slut herb? 

The single brain cell club is now the wailing fates. 

I guess cutting off a man’s hand out of jealousy is no biggie? Well this is a BL. Jealousy is the #1 excuse!

Fighty floaty blood spatter death! This time on wooden planks. Those are impossible to get clean. 

Meanwhile, there’s a lot of backstory and stuff I don’t care about, and probably can’t follow even if I did care about it.

I don’t like the Emperor at all. But then I don’t think I meant to. I am a little shocked that there aren’t more men with sparse beards distracting from the romance. But I guess this is a BL, they go for youth even in wuxia.

EPISODE 7 - You know what they say about a man with big sleeves?

Oh, Daddy McGrabby is back and he's a good guy (?)! He’s also in love with Dimples. 

Oh no!

What is this sensation I feel being thrust upon me?

Is that…? Is that second lead syndrome?  I think it is.

Oh well, it was fated the moment I saw the length of his... sleeves in episode 2.

Meanwhile?

Dimples gets tortured by acupuncture. 

Poisonings are always so elegant and classy in Cdramas.

Blah blah captured rescued captured rescued again sort of. Cheekbones is now seriously imperiled. We swap one for the other in Grave Danger (TM).

Enter the Divine Doctor character! Who (Dr) I have been told reliably by previous witnesses is A Favorite. I do love this particular archetype (quirky healer wise beyond his years - sometimes actual immortal. ) I am prepared to be delighted.  

EPISODE 8 - Divine Doctor is Emperor of the Gays

The divine doctor and 1/3 brain cell is not a pairing I thought was going to happen. Frankly it doesn't seem like the writers thought about it much either.

But it did make me laugh out loud.

It’s fantastic. I love them. I love this for me. I love a secondary couple for this show. Carry-on.

I LOVE THE DOCTOR SO MUCH. 

Everyone was absolutely correct. He is the best character. He is my favorite. He is openly gay and a troublemaker and absolute queen. And I adore him forever. No notes.

King Emperor behavior!

The evil crown prince has a crush on Daddy McGrabby. With good reason, he does have the biggest sleeves.

(I have a crush on Daddy McGrabby.) And he clearly likes brats, so I think the crown prince is in with a chance, actually.

(Not me, sadly. Despite the rumors I am not a brat. I make no case for this.)

EPISODE 9 - The Plot Thickens like Shampoo

Oh, Cheekbones is the new crown prince? We have a whole Snape situation going on here?

And finally Cheekbone knows what is happened to his poor little tortured Dimples. (oof that acting tho. before you say "what acting" i KNOW.)

In all honesty, I’m quite engaged by the drama of the show at this point and kind of losing my snark because of it. Don't get mad at me.

It’s not a bad show. I mean it’s a melodramatic soap opera, but that’s to be expected. It's so soapy it's like one of those extra foamy soap dispenser soaps.

To be entirely fair most gay men of my acquaintances have very similar relationship trajectories. Minus some of the casual murder (aside from character assassinations of course). 

EPISODE 10 - Oh Noes All Round

Not enough of my beloved divine doctor emperor of the gays. But you can’t have everything. 

Oh noes, my babies are fighting. 

But he brought you a big thistle! Don't fight!

Oh they get to kind of make up, or something. It’s sweet. Puppy Dimples accidentally caught himself a psychopath. To be fair tho, all cats are psychopaths at heart.

Oh noes Daddy McGrabby is planning on killing Cheekbones. No Daddy. Not the Cheekbones!

The cheek kiss from Cheekbones was so romantic. Normally I’m not a huge fan of this particular smooch, but under these circumstances it was very good.

EPISODE 11 - So Many Gay Emperors no one cares about the actual emperor

I wish I could shut somebody up by a simple double tap to the collarbone. It’s like the wuxia version of a block feature on tumblr.

Meanwhile, the part where 2/3 of a brain cell are comparing how hot their respective fierce gay emperors are to each other is truly hilarious. I actually clapped.

This is so ridiculous.

Epic eye roll from the remaining 1/3 of a brain cell. And I have to say I’m on his side in this matter.

Oh noes Daddy McGrabby is not, in fact, on the side of twrew lurve after all.

How sad. 

EPISODE 12 - The Bisexual In the Bathtub & other nursery rhymes of my youth

I love this silly bint of a bisexual in the bath between two fierce gay dudes who are about to give their life force to keep him alive.

Someone definitely once drew this as Lord of the Rings fanart 20 years ago.

I guess our single brain cell has been torn asunder. And Daddy McGrabby never did get his man.

Next series?

Bing him back to me.

With EVEN BIGGER SLEEVES!

IN CONCLUSION

All cards on the table?

This was undeniably a wuxia and most definitely a BL.

Evil stunning princely Cheekbones meets and falls in love with the bisexual Disaster dimples of his dreams. There’s a lot of floaty fighting, tangled plot, and overworked emotions. From start to finish it was exactly as it claimed to be, including more than the expected amount of sexual claiming.

I’m not wild about the wuxia genre, but I will tell you what I do like:

Very pretty men in flowing robes + eye makeup + hair ribbons wafting about stabbing and kissing each other plus ridiculous soap opera machinations. I also like cheekbones and dimples. AND I love a stupid gay sleeve, okay? There was also truly epic levels of stink-eye, and that too is to be lauded.

This show left me grinning like crazy. Was it great? Not really, but it was a great experience and I enjoyed it immensely.

I’m so glad you all persuaded me to watch it in the end.

Thank you! 

I should probably give it an 9/10 because I had such a good time watching it. But I’m not going to, because it isn’t a 9/10 drama. It had a lot of flaws chewing at that pretty (boom mic riddled) scenery, not to mention all the rapey rape.

It’s a solid 8/10

(source)

[waterlilyvioletfog]

10 CDramas I Enjoyed Enough To Recommend!

1. Nirvana in Fire (2015) — 5/5 ⭐️ 54 Episodes. This is genuinely as good as its reputation. It is a political palace drama and it is insanely compelling. My mom agrees that this is good. You can watch it on YouTube, but I recommend watching on Viki (which you can sign up with for free) bc cdramas on YT can have weird issues with audio + I’m pretty sure the versions available on YT are heavily edited to cut out Zhang Zhehan.

2. The Untamed (2019) — 4/5 ⭐️ 50 Episodes 🏳️‍🌈 Owns me. Censored BL low-xianxia setting. None of my family believe me about how good it is because they keep seeing out of context episodes and scenes. The Untamed is something you have to just sit through. It is a boiling frog situation. Beats out #3 despite being of lower quality (look. Those special effects…) because this is my best friend my silly rabbit my blorbo my love. My stinky cheese, even. Netflix, YouTube, and Viki.

3. A Journey to Love (2023) — 4.5/5 ⭐️ 40 Episodes. A mixture of court drama, wuxia adventure, and romance. So so so many dramas WANT to be this show, to balance court politics and wuxia shenanigans and epic romance but, frankly, only AJTL manages to perfectly balance all of its genres, plots, and characters. I cried watching the end. I watched this on YouTube, but it’s also on iQIYI.

4. Love Between Fairy And Devil (2022) — 4/5 ⭐️ 36 Episodes. Xianxia romance. Despite outward appearances of trite banality and overdone tropes, this show is gorgeous, insanely compelling, and will sit with you. My mom calls this “the fairy show :D”. Suffers in pacing towards the end, but sticks the landing. Netflix, Viki, iQIYI.

5. Word of Honor (2021) — 4/5 ⭐️ 36 Episodes 🏳️‍🌈 Wuxia adventure censored BL. Lead actor Zhang Zhehan is… a bit of a touchy subject, but I still consider this one of the best cdramas I’ve watched and I do still recommend it. Like LBFAD, pacing suffers in last quarter, but sticks the landing. Netflix, YouTube, Viki.

6. Lost You Forever S1 (2023) — 4/5 ⭐️ 39 Episodes. Xianxia reverse harem romance. Now that description may not sound compelling. But. Idk how to tell you this but I’m insane about this drama. Is it ~good~? I honestly can’t say. I’m insane about it. S2 is probably gonna be a flop and kill my love for it but for now? We’re riding high, baby!! YouTube, Viki, probably iQIYI.

7. The Rise of Phoenixes (2018) — 4/5 ⭐️ 70 Episodes. Court drama/romance. Actually you know what I DON’T recommend this. But like I DO need people to watch it so I have people to talk to about it with 🥺 Watching this is an exercise in masochism. It is gorgeous. It is insanely compelling. Watch like. The first 50 episodes because pretty much the rest of it is just [muffled screams]. Apparently it’s coming soon to Viki which is good bc it’s not on Netflix anymore 🙃

8. Couple of Mirrors (2021) — 3.5/5 ⭐️ 12 Episodes 🏳️‍🌈 1930s Shanghai censored GL romance. Hardly the highest quality, but it’s really fun, and you know what. Does a thing have to be good, historically coherent, and have two full seasons? Is it not enough for a show to be about lesbians??? Who are wanted for murders they may or may not have committed??? YouTube and Viki.

9. New Life Begins (2022) — 3.5/5 ⭐️ 40 Episodes. Fluffy court romance. Is this actually good idek I haven’t re-watched at all. What it is is a solid, serviceable, fluffy little het court romance with Feminism 101 undergirding it all. I liked it perfectly fine. There are many kinds of women and they should all be happy and free to pursue their passions!! Women who are friends!! And you know what? So true, cute little cdrama. So true. YouTube, Viki, iQIYI.

10. The Starry Love (2023) — 3/5 ⭐️ 40 Episodes. Xianxia romance. For the most part, a lighthearted comedic romance drama. It’s cute. It’s fun. It is sometimes comically low-quality, but it’s mostly charming and I like the visuals in general. The main pairing, while fun, doesn’t interest me as much as the secondary pairing or the friendship/sisterhood aspects of it. YMMV with this one. Viki and YouTube.

Honorable mention— The Blood of Youth (2022) Probably better overall than at least a few of these entries, but I’m just still so sad abt my favorite character dying :( Could be gayer.

[s-u-g-a-r-rush1997]

I told you I'd get revenge on Felix, for, uh...

Being taller than I assumed, I guess? Honestly, I'm not even sure. But I had a crush on this guy as a kid, and he's honestly adorable as hell.

I don't tend to ship Felix and Turbo, but I do like the dynamic. I feel like, if anything, they were at least familiar with each other. Felix was the first to recognize Turbo, after all.

And They Were Neighbors

Pairing: Felix x Turbo

Rating: Slightly suggestive

Warnings: None

It likely started out of courtesy. Polite small talk and a pie as a welcome to the arcade. It's something Felix might not have gotten when he was first plugged in.

My personal headcanon is that Fix-it Felix the arcade game was made in 1981, as it reminds me quite a lot of Donkey Kong, a game released in that year. Arcades were at their peak in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Felix might have been among the first to be plugged in, and as such, would have never gotten that warm welcome.

So it's significant to him. Especially if Turbo Time is either his first neighbor on that side, or possibly even a replacement for a game that had to get unplugged.

The Turbo Twins adore him. He's sweet, overall pleasant to talk to, and he brought them pie. They're just as loud and competitive as Turbo, just not nearly as aggressive about it, so I think they'd get along just fine.

Turbo, on the other hand, doesn't get along with Felix initially, at all.

Everything's a competition to him. It's baked into his code. So with Fix-it Felix Jr. being a particularly popular game, he can't help but see Felix as a rival.

Felix is a pretty passive man, though. I don't think he'd just sit there idly if Turbo decided to outright insult him, but he'd be the last person to pick a fight.

It pisses Turbo off. From his perspective, Felix isn't taking the whole rivalry thing seriously. In fact, he's actively brushing him aside.

The first time he curses in front of Felix, which likely wouldn't be too long into their first conversation, Felix scolds him for it. Tells him to watch his language.

Absolutely curses in front of Felix just to try and make him mad.

That's not to say Felix doesn't curse. I think he probably tries his hardest not too, but some of the Nicelanders - and Turbo of course - have some pretty foul mouths, and phrases and words tend to rub off on people if you hang around them long enough.

Turbo loses his shit laughing the first time Felix curses.

Teases Felix, of course. How could he not? Felix has likely censored and scolded him multiple times at this point for cursing.

This is likely the only time Turbo has actually managed to fluster the man so thoroughly.

Oh boy, once he learns Felix is susceptible to teasing, it's over.

Teasing turns to flirting real darn quick. Flirting turns to little touches. Red is very much Turbo's color, but he enjoys seeing it on Felix.

Felix will flirt back, once he gets a good enough hold on himself. It's probably something cheesy and sappy, but it's enough to take Turbo off guard.

The two of them kiss. Felix initiates, much to Turbo's - and his own - surprise.

Turbo absolutely bites during and/or after the kiss. He's absolutely a biter and I stand by that.

Regardless, this whirlwind romance - if you can even call it romance - likely doesn't last too long. It's 1982 when the two first meet, and 1987 at the time of the Roadblasters incident. It's only really five years that they have to get to know each other.

For video game characters who are essentially immortal barring any surprise power outages and unpluggings, who can spend years without any change in personality, doing the same thing every single day and still find joy in it, five years is pretty short.

Still, it hurts. He was starting to like Turbo.

To see him again after witnessing first hand what Turbo had done, to have believed him dead, would hurt like hell.

I think he'd be okay, though. He has Calhoun. She knows what its like to lose someone you love, and she knows how badly it hurts to have old wounds reopened.

[youhideastar]

Why you should watch Story of Yanxi Palace

It seems ridiculous to do a promo post for literally the most-watched television show on the planet, but I follow a lot of accounts that post cdrama gifs, and I don't think I've ever seen a single Yanxi Palace gif, and that's a tragedy.

Story of Yanxi Palace is a 2018 period drama with 70 episodes, set in the harem of the real-life Qing Dynasty Qianlong Emperor and featuring some real-life events and characters from that period. Our heroine is Wei Yingluo, a teenager who enters the Forbidden City as a maid, seeking to solve and then avenge her sister's murder. It was a smash hit when it was released, although it was later censored. You can find it on Viki.

If you liked Nirvana in Fire, you will probably like Yanxi Palace: Wei Yingluo is very similar to Mei Changsu in all the best ways, in that she is devious, ruthless, occasionally very funny, driven by revenge, and possessed of a fundamental core of decency despite her scheming ways. She is also a fifteen-year-old girl. (At the beginning of the show, that is - the drama spans more than a decade.)

Wei Yingluo's relationship with the primary love interest, Fuca Fuheng, is also just *chef's kiss.* She suspects him of her sister's murder, tries to secretly off him a couple times, and he then confronts her about it and hands her a knife, saying, "If you really think I killed your sister, you can kill me now. I won't stop you." We've all seen this scene a dozen times in assorted movies and shows; she loves him so she can't bring herself to do it; she'll drop the knife, they'll embrace--

Reader, Wei Yingluo takes that knife and STABS HIM IN THE CHEST. She stabs him in the chest!!! How can you tell she likes him? Because he survives the experience. Barely.

After that, you think this is a Mei Changsu/Mu Nihuang pairing where there's a relatively normal person who loves their devious little meow meow--and then Fuheng turns around and gaslights Yingluo with zero remorse and you realize that this pairing is actually 100% deranged 4 deranged. The shit these two do to each other and for each other is completely unhinged. At one point, she kills his wife and the two of them never talk about it. Not before, not after, not ever. Legendary. He calls her his zhiji. They will convince you that the height of romance is marrying other people but knowing one another so deeply that you can coordinate intricate political schemes without ever communicating with each other because you can predict one another's moves with perfect accuracy.

Also, the costumes, sets, and props are ridiculously beautiful (and historically accurate!), the characters are like 20 incredibly intelligent and complex women and then like 4 hot dudes, and the score is incredible.

Is there queer rep, you ask? Nothing explicit. But there are a lot of female characters who have very intense, passionate relationships with other female characters. Also, there's a subplot where the Emperor suspects the Empress is having an affair with one of his consorts and you can see his point; finally, there's a character who is intentionally set up to have a very ambiguous sexual orientation: I think you could plausibly argue that he's ace, that he's bi, that he's gay, or that he's straight. I'm not sure even he knows.

There's a lot more to love about it, but when a show's been streamed more than 15 billion times (yes, with a b), I feel like I don't have too much to add. 😂 Give it a try!

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #24

Growing Pains

Even the yams belong to the Dimmadomes...

Hazels' cute ladybug phone! I still like how we can't tell if it's a Dimmadome brand. Everyone else likes to flaunt logos, but Hazel's just there.

Aw, Hazel's gotten over her jealousy towards her brother's girlfriend taking up his time and thinks they're cute together. I'm so glad we get to see a sibling relationship like this.

"What's a good idea? Aging??" - Antony, unaware Hazel's about to age up with magic to see a PG-13 movie.

Okay, so... I'm gonna note down Wanda's comment that she and Cosmo were "teenagers in the 1590s." Obviously that's not true even in this show's canon since Cosmo and Wanda have been married for 10k, 20k years.

... Actually, did they say they'd been married that long in this show? They keep talking about their 10k-year vacation, not their marriage.

Point being, I'm going to try sussing out Peri's New Wish age at a later date using some information, though my 'fics will stick to my already established timeline.

There's a Dancing Tarantula movie AND a Crimson Chin movie? Dev's probably been in and out of this theater a lot lately, because those posters match the ones in his room. I wonder if he has a private theater and exclusive screening rights.

Queen.

Why do I get the feeling they're about to drop Fairy puberty info on Hazel and they probably gave this talk to Peri while posed in a similar way? oh no.

I don't think this is something I'll include in my canon because it doesn't fit my Fairy biology and I already have my own established puberty stuff in 'fic, but I admire the goofiness.

-> But I'm glad I got to hear them talk about pheromones / fairymones, because I definitely use those and it makes me laugh. Insect people...

Btw, "tons of red splashy sauce on body" is really bad on my hemophobia, so I'm censoring the screenshots.

This is so funny to me. Concerned dad gives The Talk.

They're cute. Very shape.

slkdjf, Peri watching Hazel on the news. I love how he squirms his legs uncomfortably- "Oooh... Pasta puberty. I do not miss that."

Is he at his parents' place, avoiding Dev? Or is this his room?

I'm pretty sure he's at Cosmo and Wanda's. You can tell from the stars on the stairwell behind him, plus I remember a couch that made me think of Princess Peach, AND they had a window on that wall overlooking Fairy World.

Between this and "Multiverse" (the other of its pair)... Not sure I love the implication that after the Irep drama, Dev's not been taking Peri to school and Peri's not making the effort to be near him. Uh-oh...

They really are like exes who can't stand to be under the same roof, for real, for real.

Alternate explanation: Peri's on his lunch break.

Maybe he's tracking Dev's phone, waiting 'til he's needed.

?? Is that how everyone in this show holds forks? Because I seem to remember Poof flip-flopping through ambidexterity before settling in with right-handedness after left-handed Foop was born, and it's very funny to see Poof hold his fork with his presumed less dominant fist.

I get the purpose of making the item easy to draw by having it face us, but I laugh.

Now that I think about it (in retrospect after Peri bragged about how he'd been following Dev around even after he quit)... I like how Peri thinks his parents hover too much and then he also hovers too much.

Geez, fairy kids have it rough. Terrible Twos, pooferty, and now this? Apparently growing into your magic just wrecks you.

Also, I want a 'fic about Hazel's parents inviting Cosmo, Wanda, and their son over and everyone (especially Antony who probably thinks he's Peri's age) just asks Peri a bunch of questions about if he's doing school or a job or whatever and he's just /laughs nervously.

Hazel's parents are so good to her and they've clearly taught her to communicate well and politely set boundaries. The contrast between them and Clark and Connie Carmichael is hilarious.

I'm glad Cosmo and Wanda have no sense of things Hazel would find gross.

This and "Multiverse of Jenkins" were really fun filler episodes!

[purrlockholmesbooks]

Jekyll and Hyde

This is a piece I wrote a few years ago about the morality of fiction writing. I swear it's not boring – I mean, it has pumpkin-spiced murder in it!

–––

One night I dreamed that I found a severed head under my bookshelf.

Unable to sleep, I turned on my Kindle to read something soothing that contained no decapitation – hardly a tall order, I thought – only to find Dracula (decapitation of vampires), Tales of Terror and Mystery (the line ‘but where, pray, is Myrtle's head?’ is self-explanatory) and The Father Brown Stories (three cases of beheaded corpses). The one safe book was Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – hardly a bedtime story.

I supposed I should have expected it: my reading list has always reflected my latest writing expedition, which at the moment is a story about a Victorian lady investigating a series of murders committed by a reanimated pumpkin-headed corpse that decapitates villagers to create more pumpkin-headed people. In the end, the Victorian lady runs away with the creator of the monster (an equally misanthropic doctor) and the pair set off to plague society with their creations.

It was only after the nightmare that I realised how gruesome my story was. Was I justifying and romanticising serial killing? Would I join the ranks of writers whose works were being censored? Should I put political correctness before artistic freedom? Perhaps there’s no right answer, but when I got out of bed the following morning, I knew I wouldn’t alter my story. In inveterate people-pleaser, writing is the only place I allowed myself to be selfish, and I wasn’t going to let anyone take away that freedom.

Until I started high school I was home-schooled. I was precocious, different, and everyone felt it. My peers found me intimidating so I resorted to keeping my head down and understating my abilities. It was during that time that I began my story of the pumpkin-headed fiend.

Something in my chest loosened as I wrote – and unleashed all my stifled resentment and pain, making heads roll and monsters howl.

I wrote about a young woman who had been raised to be quiet and sensible, who found freedom in creating monsters that could act in a way she couldn’t against the tide of humanity. What her monsters were to her, my stories are to me.

So, let me tell you modest and genteel Jekylls: don’t let anyone say you can’t be an evil Hyde in your writing.

About the author: Amanda spends her time writing, drawing and being far too excited over reference books about Victorian food. This is the first piece she has dared to send to Mslexia since her many embarrassing poetry submissions at age 13.

–––

Thank you @nalesnik-z-morela for asking to read it, I'm flattered you'd want to after I described it as 'a piece about the morality of writing'!

This piece was published in the Mslexia magazine's Elevenses newsletter.

[skinks]

SPOILERS FOR SALTBURN

I haven’t seen Promising Young Woman but I did just see Saltburn and now I’m so dubious about Fennell’s politics that I’m basically obligated to see PYW to confirm my suspicions. It’s not that I think she’s conservative necessarily, but more that she’s so upper class London nepo baby rich that she could aspire to socialist feminism as much as she likes but it’ll never land because her background precludes her from ever having anything relevant to say about class.

There were things I liked about Saltburn. The editing, performances, black humour, costumes, sets, cinematography (NOT the aspect ratio - will explain) and the ballsiness of certain “transgressive” scenes I did appreciate. This is what makes it so frustrating and disappointing as a film. If you turn your brain off, it’s a wild ride, quite hypnotic and lovely to look at in that specific dreamy way that the dark, cool interiors of a house get on the hottest days of the summer. I hated the 4:3 aspect ratio though, it was POINTLESS. Why was it used? Surely it would have made more sense to capture the grand expansiveness of the titular estate in widescreen? It just felt twee for twee’s sake, like it was shot to produce compositions ready-cropped for big gifs on tumblr.

The “shocking” “transgressive” “erotic” stuff is not particularly any of those things. I mean, for me anyway. It might titillate the type of new-puritan gen z-ers who self censor it to “seggs”, but there was only one sequence that felt really “wow, I haven’t seen that in movie before!” levels of Going There. And even then these scenes always felt self-consciously affected, like Fennell only included them because she wanted to write a movie with fReAkY stuff, as opposed to the freaky stuff coming organically from the characters. I remember sitting in the cinema to see Call Me By Your Name feeling like I was burning to a crisp at the scene where Elio huffs a pair of a man’s used swim trunks - because it felt so authentic to this expression of a character who is at critical levels of desperate teenage horniness. In Saltburn, when Oliver gets down on his knees and slurps Felix’s jizzy bath water, it’s like… okay? Why? What does he want? We saw him lie about knowledge of the fancy plates to ingratiate himself to the dad, we already have reason to distrust anything he says, so it’s hard to believe he has any authentic desire for Felix. And that’s the main problem with the whole movie - the writing is fairly atrocious.

There’s no mystery. There’s no ANYTHING. There’s a tiny quick-cut flash montage of future events in the movie right at the start of the thing, so already we’re going in with no doubts that Oliver is gonna go nuts. So we know that bad shit is gonna happen, and yet the movie pulls out a big Twist Ending reveal like we… weren’t supposed to know that he’s been bad from the beginning? We don’t need all these flashbacks to show us he’d planned his dastardly deeds offscreen the whole time when we’ve already seen him commit OTHER dastardly deeds ONSCREEN. He’s given zero motivation. He tells us he did what he did because he hates this rich family, starting with Jacob Elordi’s Felix, but he had planned the whole thing from before they ever even met, or saw how the family treats the other two main victims of class in the film, Pamela and Farleigh. When Oliver starts spinning his web, Felix has never been anything but genuinely kind to him. Felix never did him any personal wrong except being born handsome, popular, and rich.

That’s the other glaring issue. Fennell has said this is supposed be another one of these “eat the rich” satires, but…. beyond the usual foot-in-mouth clueless social blunders, the movie portrays none of the rich family as even all that bad. Oliver isn’t even all that poor! His family are revealed to be extremely comfortably upper-middle class! This is not Parasite!!! The worst ethical thing they do is cut off Farleigh from family money - but it’s obvious to the audience that this is actually Oliver’s fault. So all we’re left with is this main character who’s the worst of the lot, with no reason to do what he’s doing except for being an asocial loser creep. If you’re making a class satire in Britain and your message at the end of the film is “those creepy disgusting middle class will pervert and mutate themselves to have what the beautiful victimised rich people do” you’ve… uhh. Failed. Somewhere along the line.

It wants to be The Talented Mr Ripley, but it is confused and stupid. Given Fennell’s background and social circle, is it any wonder? It’s like she’s looked around at her fellow Eton Oxford lot and thought “so the poors hate us because we’re a bit silly and old fashioned, right? no wonder they’re jealous, we’re all so sexy and our houses are so nice! Of course they’d do anything to have this!” She hasn’t seemed to conceive of the fact that the working class in Britain hate the upper class because millions live in genuine poverty while they get to obstruct social change because of archaic birthright. That many people in Britain don’t actually want to be the upper class, they want an end to them.

The thing is, I had fun watching it. I laughed a lot, and then left the cinema distinctly unimpressed, as one often does after interacting with people who go to private school and are perfectly charming but clearly still think they’re better/smarter than you because they have generational land, or multiple houses. I worked for 6 years as the stable groom for the heiress to a publishing fortune, I’ve met plenty of these people, believe me. All this to say, that this is deeply frustrating because I would like to turn my brain off from the dodgy politics and just appreciate a movie that goes out of its way to be visually stylish and includes a scene where a sobbing Barry Keoghan gets naked and fucks the fresh grave of his boy best friend. Now that’s entertainment

[kidstemplatte]

shattered pt. 2

pairing: terzo/ fem! reader summary: terzo seeks help for his struggles with addiction. warnings: alcohol, drugs, addiction this is a sequel to this fanfiction i wrote. message at the end as usual. please enjoy. ♡

He didn’t remember.

You wished you didn’t.

The morning after your violent dispute with Terzo, you woke up on the couch feeling nearly as sick as he had been been waking up recently. You were so exhausted from the night before that you didn't bother to clean up the absolute wreck he had caused. But to your surprise, there was no glass on the floor, no staining from the liquid on the hardwood. The items that Terzo had carelessly thrown out of the drawers and shelves during his were placed neatly where they belonged. For a moment you wondered if it was all a fever dream. Until you saw all the bottles of liquor on the counter were missing and were snapped back to reality.

You opened your phone and checked the time: 11:37 am. Much later than you usually slept in. There were no messages from Terzo, which you had conflicting feelings about. You decided to go find him, assuming he was still in the bedroom. You entered your shared room carefully, but did not see your husband, rather than a large suitcase sitting by the closet.

Where was he going?

After getting dressed and dragging yourself through your daily routine, you decided to gather up some courage and look for him. When you opened his office door, you were not only faced with your husband sitting with his head in his hands at desk, but a sea of familiar faces surrounding him. Sister Imperator and his brothers, Primo, Secondo, and the new Papa: Copia.

Terzo looked a mess. Clearly last night was one of the worst nights he’d had, if not the worst. His hair was disheveled, he was free of makeup, the bags under his eyes were heavy and nearly a scarlet color.

The room became silent when they caught sight of you anxiously standing in the doorway. Sister Imperator gestured for you to come in, politely stepping aside to make room for you by his desk.

“What… what happened?” he wearily croaked, looking up at you. “They… they can hear.” he stammered.

Wow. Terzo was really trying to take accountability for things he didn’t even know he had done. That was a bold but needed and heartfelt move.

“Um…” you mumbled. “How much should I say?”

“Everything.” Terzo weakly responded, not even able to look you in the eyes.

“… You really don’t remember?” you winced.

Terzo, riddled with shame, shook his head.

You then described everything he said and did, not leaving out a single word. Not a single bit of it was censored out by you, even the most graphic of moments. As you continued enlightening the room on the events of the previous night, your words quickly turned into sobs, and your voice a painful cry.

You weren’t the only one who cried. Terzo’s beloved half-brother, Copia, couldn’t help but shed a few tears at the tragedies you were describing, and for a second you swore you saw a tear fall down Secondo’s face. Primo’s eyes were covered by his hand as he kept his head low. Sister Imperator shocked you more than anyone, though. She did not attempt to conceal the tears that welled up in her eyes, but still kept a strong face and demeanor. Terzo was utterly mortified by the things you were telling him, his face painted in pure shame.

“I… I am so sorry. I can’t-“ Terzo cut himself off with a hiccup and a broken sob. “I am so sorry, Y/N.” He was utterly humiliated, and more importantly, furious with himself for treating something as precious as you so horribly. “I didn’t- I didn’t-“

“I know you didn’t mean what you said. You don’t even remember.” you interrupted.

“I know, but still, I’m… I’m so sorry.” he cried.

“We’ll give you two some space.” Sister Imperator spoke, leaving the office as the other men nodded and followed. The door was shut. It was just you and your husband. You took a seat across from him and looked into his tired eyes. “You are right. You have been right this whole time. I have a problem. I am going to get help.” He stated, breaking the silence. “You mean like a treatment program?” “Yes, it’s not too far from here, I’ll be gone for four weeks.”

You nodded. Finally. He was seeking help.

“I am so sorry, Y/N. I love you so much. Everything I said last night was so far from the truth. You’re everything but a burden. I love you for so much more than your body. You’re the light of my life. I have been so horrible to you recently. I would do anything, anything in the world, to take it back if I could.” He paused, as if the next thing he was about to say would physically pain him. “I understand that my mistakes have left scars that won’t heal. And I understand that I have to let go, even though I do not want to.” he uttered.

“Let go of what? Substances, you mean?”

Terzo shook his head solemnly.

“Of me? Why would you have to do that?” you questioned.

Terzo was completely shocked by your response. “Why would you stay with me after I’ve done such unforgivable things?”

“Because I know you, Terzo, I’ve seen you at your best and worst. I know who you are, and it’s not whoever you’ve been for the past few months. We can fix this, Terzo. You’re the most incredible thing that’s ever happened to me. There is nowhere to go but up from here.” you explained, placing your hand on his.

Terzo was utterly blown away by your never ending support, experiencing graciousness at new heights he had never reached before.

“Y/N. If I ever do anything like this ever again, which will not be the case, but still- I’m begging you- please, leave me. Please do not settle for this.”

“I know it won’t happen again, Terzo.”

“Still, promise me. I want you to be happy. I want you to understand you deserve better. Please, I want you to be happy.”

“I’ll promise you, Terzo. If you promise me you’ll never mess with that shit again.”

“I promise. I promise.” He said, taking your hand in his trembling ones, and kissing it after each promise.

“Thank you. Thank you, amore mio. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” he wept. “I love you.” He professed, not even expecting the sentiment to be returned.

“I love you too, Terzo.” you replied. “We’ll get through this together.”

❥

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” You reassured Terzo, standing in the waiting room of the large treatment facility. Truthfully, you were reassuring yourself just as much as you were him. You knew he would come back, physically, but you were worried he still wouldn’t come back Terzo. Your husband that you missed dearly. The man who made you laugh, who made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, showed you things about the world you didn’t even know were possible. You were anxious to be separated from him, and anxious for his stay, praying he would have a positive and beneficial experience.

“Very soon. I love you so much, tesoro.” He said, leaving you with a quick kiss on the lips, something he hadn’t done in ages.

That night, as you entered your quarters, a lonely feeling began to sink in. Even though Terzo had been a menace recently, you couldn't help but miss him. You almost went to pour yourself a glass of wine, quickly realizing that wasn't an option in your current location. It felt a little ironic considering you had just dropped your husband off at a rehabilitation center, but you really needed a break. You decided to send a text to the one other person you knew you could count on.

"hey, would you wanna have a glass of wine?"

"Yes please"

And within a few minutes, you heard a knock at your door. You paced over and opened it, and were faced with none other than Terzo's half-brother, Copia, a bottle of wine in hand.

"Please, take a seat." You welcomed him, gesturing to the couch.

There was an awkward silence from both of you, as you weren't quite sure how to tackle the topic at hand.

"So what did Terzo tell you before I came?" you asked, pouring him a glass of wine.

"Well, he texted me very early this morning to meet him in his office at 11, and that Sister Imperator and the other brothers would be there. He did not say anything else until we got there. He was clearly in distress, and then, just- word vomit. He told us he'd been struggling recently and that last night was bad. But he couldn't remember what happened, he only knew something went wrong when he woke up and saw what a disaster the place was. He told me he needed help and he couldn't bear to hurt you ever again."

You nodded.

And in the blink of an eye, you and Copia realized you had a bit more wine than you initially intended, experiencing the highs and lows of drunkenness: the serious conversations, existential and solemn, and the silly things, laughing and holding onto your stomachs as you struggled to sit upright. On his way out, you thanked him,

"Thank you, Copia. It was nice to spend some time with you, you saved my life tonight. Goodnight."

"No worries, Y/N. Always a pleasure." he said, waving goodbye as he exited your quarters.

You checked the clock. 3 am. Damn, it was late. You walked into your room to get changed into some pajamas and as you opened the drawer, made a shocking discovery. Your clothes were folded just the way you liked them. The only other person who knew of this preference was Terzo.

So he was the one who cleaned up the place.

Rummaging through the drawer, you noticed a small piece of paper underneath a pair of shorts, with handwriting on it belonging to no other than your husband.

Amore Mio,

I find it difficult to express my gratitude for you in words throughout any language. So I am going to do so with my actions, my progress, and my dedication. I am going to get better. And even on the harder days that are bound to come, when I don't feel like it is worth it, I will think of you. And you are always worth it. You are a blessing, the greatest gift Satanas has ever brought me. There is no title I long for more than that of being your lover, and I will wear it with pride for as long as I live and even after I have passed on. I owe everything to you. You are the most compassionate person I have ever known, stayed with me by my side even when I am at my lowest. You piece me back together, make me whole again, even when I am shattered and I feel unfixable. Thank you. Not just for helping me, but for being you. That brings me more joy than anything. Focus on yourself for these next few weeks while I am gone. I will see you very soon, cara mia.

I love you so much.

-Terzo

You fell asleep with that note under your pillow that night, like a little girl making a desperate wish, hoping a magical being would visit you and make his words come true.

❥

Before you knew it, 28 days flew by. During those 28 days, you found yourself forming new relationships with people you least expected. His brothers, Copia especially, became your rock during his absence, listening to you cry, rant, or simply giving you a laugh. You found out that the brothers all shared the same humor, though some hid it more than others. They made you feel closer to Terzo despite his distance. You also found out that Sister Imperator had a caring heart, and was able to provide you with thoughtful insight during your times of need.

Terzo sent you many letters. 28, to be exact. You smiled each time you received a purple envelope in the mail, your name written in his distinguishable handwriting. He told you about the things he processed in group therapy as well as one-on-one counseling. The facility sounded like a very nurturing environment, one he had needed for some time, containing lots of opportunities and activities. You got to call him a few times a week as well, and as time progressed, you heard his voice grow lighter and lighter over the phone. You heard his laugh for the first time in what felt like centuries when he told you about “Equestrian therapy” and a particularly rude horse who wanted nothing to do with him. Although it sounded silly, that moment was so magical, and you felt a joy you had been deprived of for quite some time. You were so impacted that you wanted to drive to the facility and shake the horse’s hoof, personally thanking it for its impact. But instead of praising the horse, you praised your husband, providing him words of encouragement and love as he powered through the ups and downs of the treatment process.

“Thank you for being my everything. I miss you, amore mio. I love you. I’ll talk to you soon.” He’d say at the end of each conversation before he had to hang up.

To that, you responded, “You don’t have to thank me. I miss you too, Terzo. I love you. Goodbye.

Those 4 weeks weren’t just about Terzo’s healing, they were about your healing as well. There was no doubt that though his issues with addiction were a battle within his own mind and body, they scarred you as well. You scheduled several extra meetings with your therapist to work through your trauma, as well as discussing options regarding couples’ counseling, which Terzo agreed to.

Before you knew it, the twenty-eight days had passed, and you were driving to the treatment center to pick up your husband. You walked into the common space, gazing around the room to find Terzo. And there he was.

He looked so much better. So much better. He looked clean and well-kept, the color in his face had returned, his posture improved, and he was smiling.

Immediately, you dropped your purse and sprinted towards him, a reaction so triumphant people might think you hadn’t seen him in years. You crashed into his strong arms, holding him tighter than you had ever held anything or anyone in your entire life. There you two stood, in the middle of the building, while you wept into his chest, not caring who heard you.

You pulled away from the hug, and placed your hands on each side of his face. Your heart was pieced back together again once you saw the glimmer in his eyes had returned.

“You’re back.” You whispered. “You’re back.”

“Yes, I am. I wouldn’t be without you. Thank you for being my everything. I missed you, amore mio. I love you.” he said, similar to what he had ended your phone calls with, except this time, there was no goodbye.

There he was.

Terzo was back.

And he was there to stay.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╝

AAAAA😭 i’m so glad we have a happy ending now!!! if you take anything from this let it be that even though addiction and mental health issues in general feel impossible to deal with, it is possible to get better! you are not defined by your mental illness and you are a good person!!! don’t be afraid to reach out for help because so many people love and care for you! (including me!) more fics coming soon, the next one coming up is super fluffy (there is a new addition to the emeritus family!!!) and the one after will be one of two soft terzo/reader fics im working on 🥺❤️ and another copia fic im thrilled to get to work on! thank you so much for reading, it seriously means the world, you all make me feel a little less alone in this weird world. i love you! 🤍, alice

[palettepainter]

Have some random Zoot cousins headcannons cuz I'm bored and I have no clue when or how to show these headcannons off

-So semi inspired by the 2015 show, because I love the idea of Sam getting dorky crushes on people who are total opposites to him, but I think the idea of Sam having a small crush on Zephyr is cute. Zephyr is outgoing, confident, classy, chilled and flirty, most of which Sam isn't. This probably happens long after Zephyr left Muppets Tonight to persue her own career, but before her and Clifford got back together. Zephyr has no idea Sam had a crush on her because his flirting is so stiff/awkward that she never understood he was flirting (or trying to)

-Happens after the events of Hired Sparky, but Liv learns to speak a few different languages after she starts working with the band. She already knows how to speak bits of Portuguese and Cuban Spanish, but after working at the studio for a few months she picks up Swedish to try and speak with Chef better. He gives her tips over her lunch break

.

-Liv is terrified witless of heights. She can more or less handle airplanes, since she knows she's safe within the plane, but if she was to do something like rock climbing she'd politely, and very insistently decline

.

-I can't remember the name of the video, but the Mayhem did a guess the song by it's lyric video, and there's one part where Zoot is sleeping against Teeth. It's super cute! So I like to think that all the Zoot cousins will instinctively lean against a surface or person when they're especially sleepy

.

-Raph does modelling at a local art school, he's very body comfortable, advocate for denim shorts and crop tops

.

-Penny, Raph and Zoot are the only cousins who smoke (though Penny doesn't smoke anything other cigarettes and only when she's especially stressed). Laser tried a cigarette once from peer pressure and coughed for ten minutes, he's never touched one since. Zephyr and Liv have never smoked in their lives

.

-I have no idea when I'm going to get the chance to show these off since they're so random, but I made full names for the cousins, they might change later:

Olivia (Liv) Mayfield Grayson / Zephyr Francine Smith / Raph Lopes Riberio / Penny Colette Hernandez / Gavin (Laser) Matthias Hernandez

.

-Penny and Laser are the only cousins to grow up with a single parent, their dad. Nothing bad happened to their mother, their father and her were just never married before they where born

.

-Laser is the one who gives peoples the most nicknames

.

-As well as being a DJ who plays a lot at gigs, Laser knows how to play the bass and drums. He taught Penny how to play the drums when she was in her late teens to help her try and channel her anger on something creative. Penny these days doesn't really play so much anymore but she can still drum out a decent solo

.

-Due to his job that requires him to play a lot at raves and night clubs, both very noisy environments, and his time when he was learning how to play the drums, Laser's hearing can be pretty bad at times. It's not so bad that he's deaf, but it's not as sharp as it was before he became a DJ

.

-All the Zoot cousins have a weird power that they can't explain. Zoot's we've seen in Muppets Mayhem but as for the others, Liv has "Spidey sense", though she's somewhat oblivious to it. Whenever she dodges something she otherwise wouldn't have seen coming she kinda blacks out and goes on auto pilot, before blinking back to reality. Zephyr has the ability to censor swears by standing near people who happen to be swearing, a little black box appears over their mouth with a pairing beep and everything. Lasers power is Onomatopoeia, he can make comical 'BAM/YEAH/BOOM's appear behind him like a comic (if anyone points this out Laser plays dumb cuz he finds it funny). Penny is a telepath and can talk to people in their head. And Raph can teleport, like Liv this is also something he's kind of unaware of. Sometimes he'll fall asleep on the sofa, and find himself in his bed when he wakes up, or he'll think about food, blink, and then he'll be in the kitchen. Raph, as well as the rest of the cousins, have learnt to not question their bizarre powers

.

-All of the cousins are flexible. Liv took up gymnastics as a hobby during school, she picks it back up again when she starts working with the Muppets. Laser knows how to break dance so naturally he's got to have a lot of upper body strength and know how to do sudden flips and spins. Zephyr is a dance teacher and so does routine stretches for warm ups before and after her classes. Raph does yoga and meditation as a hobby. Penny tried meditation for a bit but found out boxing was a better stress reliever for her, she does stretches as warm ups

.

-There aren't many people on the Muppets which the Zoot cousins hate, but Penny isn't too found of Rizzo and Pepe

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - When good chemistry goes bad

May 2023 Wk 3 

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - yes it jumped to the top of the standings, the kiss was THAT good, best of the year so far. So soft and yet so sweet and yearning and with a proper chemistry - body, breath, everything. Also... there was plot happening this ep, but who cares about that? Some additional thoughts, now my brain has rebooted from that kiss. I do suspect Pat of still being a player: he is awful smooth, and he may want revenge for being jacked along for 2 years (I would). Ep 4 is early for a kiss like that, which means pacing-wise we may be in for a separation/break up around ep 8. 

Step By Step (Thai Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 5 of 10 (MDL still says 12, but Gaga still says 10) - Pat, dear, your gay is squirting all over our screens. Meanwhile… That is the smallest presidential suite bed I’ve ever seen. Lucky for us of course. And lucky for Jeng. Me with the side dishes = UH OH. 

Our Skyy 2 (My School President) eps 9-10 - Alt reality where Tinn is in charge of the music club and Gun is the school president with the crush. Basically, it’s an excuse for them to play each others’ parts (which just highlighted how well they were cast, originally). Ultimately, Gemini is a better piner, and Fourth is a better tsundere. Although the reversed “holding it over his head” was v funny & Fourth IS a decent seme. (I also realized what I like so much about Fourth, like Saint he’s one of those rare full body actors.) Sound was a great uke and I loved how they changed his makeup for the role (did you notice?). TiwPor were as adorably ridiculous as ever. I liked the minor baby pairing for Aun, too. Still my NO SIGNING holds (although there was lots of dancing to counterbalance). In the end, all this really did was make me wanna rewatch the original. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. FYI The MV was a parody of HCTM, BB, 1k*. 8/10 

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 12fin - It was a cute sappy ending for a cute-ish sappy-ish show. I cannot abide that the mom who condoned the rape of her daughter got forgiven. No. Stop it GMMTV. Review below. 

The Promise (Thai Weds YT & WeTV) ep 9 of 10 - I'm in trouble when I'm rooting for everybody BUT the main couple. I guess Nan doesn’t have a NO SINGING policy. Also I guess Nan was waiting for Phu all along? This show. ALSO could we not have just ended it here? 

Past-senger (Thai Weds Gaga) ep 11 of 12 eps - I don’t understand. What? Where did all these new characters come from? Do we care about the hets? Not even slightly. What is anyone doing? What’s going on? do I care abotu anyone anymore? No. Please make it stop. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - OMG so adorable, so repressed, so reserved, so soft, so awkward, so special. Heart melting. Also. Hungry. The WAY Minoru looks at Yutaka when he’s eating (now that he knows the history). The way we got to see the exact moment that Minoru realizes he is in love. Perfection. 

Star Struck (Korea iQIYI & Gaga) ep 1-2 of 8 - Zuho (Kpop SF9 - noted good egg) opposite rookie actor Kim In Sung (the one with the crush). icky is being weird about it but it looks like Gaga also picked it up? Depends on your territory I suppose. Anygay: Friends since childhood, jock/nerd, puppy/cat and I sense bi-himbo confusion and pining introvert gay. There’s family strife plus class issues and it has some interesting things to say already about the nature of friendship, romance, and jealousy. I like it, weirdly reminds me of something that might have come out of China. Not early CBL, but some of the later stuff that was censored but hearkened to Addicted. This has the feel of what China could have made now (were things politically different). Because of this feel, I’m not confident in this being an HEA or even a true BL but it is interesting enough for me to bump it way up the ranks. 

Happy Merry Ending (Korea Thurs Gaga) eps 7-8fin - I get why SJ pushed JH away, but I kinda agree that SJ is too much work. Abused or not, I wouldn’t put in the damn effort - so I guess I’m glad SJ took a year off to figure his shizz out? Far be it from me to agree with a year break in a Kdrama, tho. I didn’t even mind that they were separated most of these 2 eps: it was nice to see a Seme told no, who actually backed off and did as he was told. Plus the running of the gays (how Japan of you SK). I’m assuming that this was the final episode and that Viki thinking that there are 2 more is bonkers? Because this felt like a finale. For me this one had a stronger finish than any other aspect of the show (odd when the couple spent the bulk of it apart). Oh! And someone give Shin Myung Sung (the surfer bestie) his own damn BL, m’kay? Review below.

Love Mate (Korea Thurs Viki) eps 5-6 of 8 - Longest elevator ride in the world. Honorifics discussion! My favorite! And, “there is only one bed but they slept together on the floor anyway” trope. A BL staple. Also the tie/lanyard grab. Another fav. Still pushy puppy stalker remains creepy manipulative obsessive warped hotness. Basically KBL version of trash and… I’m into it. We all got our kinks, I guess. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) - Such a cat. I’m reminded of Milk. It’s cute. They cute. I like it.

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - So is the nude dining meant to be some kind of weird allegory for repressed gayness? 

It’s Airing But ...

My Story (Pinoy Sat YouTube) 10 eps - I bounced at ep 4. Someone will tell me if I should bother with the rest. 

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end. 

The Day I Loved You (Pinoy YouTube) eps 6-7 of 10 - Terminal illness for the sunshine. I bounced at ep 6. DNF. 

Ended this week

Love Syndrome finished its run on WeTV (I stopped at ep 2) - anyone wanna weight in with thoughts on the ending and whether I should binge or not? I do love Lee Long Shi.

Happy Merry Ending - Stars Lee Dong Won (KNK) as an ex-idol turned wedding singer with an abusive ex and a panic disorder + the sunshine pianist who falls in love with him. Timid tsundere & sweetheart gay is an interesting match. They’re gentle together, almost kindly and there is a calm ache to their pairing. However, it lost its way as a BL, being more about the main character’s struggle than the romance. It had a strong finish but ultimately the premise & characters meant this was never going to be one of my favorites. 8/10  

A Boss and a Babe - With an inconsistent narrative and self-sabotaging characters this was not the Thai BL office romance I was hoping for. I spent most if it feeling manipulated without good reason and sorry for ForceBook. They did their best with a shoddy script (AGAIN!) and none of its flaws were their fault. This show was all over the place and so am I about it. It’s better than Enchanté but that’s not really saying much. 7/10 I guess

In Case You Missed It 

BL Express reported that Taiwanese production companies have announced 7 new BLs (4 of these from Vidol.) Stories range from office romance to crime drama. 

Someone did a survey on KBL watchers. 

Build Jakapan has been cleared of all charges. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting this week: 

5/26 Be My Favorite prev title: You Are My Favorite (Thai YouTube) Adapted JittiRain y-novel (2gether, FUTS, ToL, Vice Versa) one of those “rewrite the past to change the future.” Stars Krist (SOTUS) + Fluke Gawin (DBK, Not Me). Expect this to be v low heat, full of LIES and manipulation.

5/27 The Luminous Solution (Thai ????) 10 eps - Thana is having trouble at work and in his relationship. He can't seem to catch a break. So he makes a wish to change everything. The wish has a price.

5/27 Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari no Hajimari no Asa (Japan) - NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS (but that has never stopped Japan before) and no, I have no idea where to get it, why would I ?????  (Say it with me everyone: Oh Japan, must you?*)

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

This Week’s Meta Moments 

naturellement (Step By Step naming its trope.)

The Promise calling out the uke archetype, Mary Sue much? 

ALL THE DANCING. Live the dream! Live the trend! Live the trope! 

4 tropes in one! Drinking, piggyback, feed him, product placement. Very nice GMMTV & GeminiFourth. I’m impressed.  

nash

(all My School President’s Our Skyy - kinda a masterclass in using ALL THE TROPES and ALL THE BL references.) 

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The unmitigated irony of so-called fans of ZeeNunew coming after this show for this moment (not to mention the self sabotage). Truly mind boggling. (Step by Step)

The two boys who didn’t win the boy but totally should have. This show makes me wanna drink too. Next week... soju! (The Promise)

Yes please and thank you GMMTV. (My School President) 

I do love the kinkification of Phi. (Boss & Babe) 

These tiny idiots it turns out are, in fact, totally hilarious. La Pulie (side dish friendship group)

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Key & Taeyeon’s Hate that... (which if it wasn’t an OST SHOULD have been)

[whoishotteranimepolls]

I 100% get and agree with SALS, but I personally also have a lot of distaste for incestuous ships and would rather not interact with posts regarding them. Could you maybe tag such polls if they were to happen?

Again, I'm not asking you to take down the whole fandom or anything like that, just some tagging would be nice

And I know anime in general is weird, and a case could be made for something like Naruto x Sasuke to be considered incest, so I'd understand if you limited it to only biological or straight up adopted pairs, but either way it's something that I think is reasonable

Only if you want to do that, though! It's your blog after all lol

I can do that for biological and adopted siblings or direct family relations, but that also means that I'm going to need people to help me out. So, that means you'll have to let me know if it needs that tag in the request. Because I am not familiar with 90% of the characters and Anime/manga that are submitted now. So, if I miss a ship, politely let me know in the comments, and I will add that tag just like if I accidentally miss the minor tag

There is a tag that already exists so it's not unique to my blog #tw inc*st It's censored because of The Tumblr banned tag list

I can also do a unique tag to just my blog if you guys would prefer that, but I need everyone to communicate with me I can try to create my own tag that is #incest poll but do be aware that it does run the risk of causing issues mostly for people who use iOS since they have more strict rules for some reason.

I don't mind adding tags so people can filter things.

[overexciteddragon]

There's something deeply special about being able to experience Our Flag Means Death and Good Omens as a former SuperWhoLock fan... like I came from fandoms where the show writers actively DESPISED us, there were episodes in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these shows solely written to mock fanfiction and gay pairings, we were humiliated in interviews and live shows where they'd put our fanfics and fanarts up to make fun of relentlessly... all of that for the simple wish of wanting to see gay people on screen, you know, after asking if the implied gay relationship was gay and then being given absolutely NO direct responses... only to be drawn back in over and over because we, the "disgusting freakish teenage girls obsessed with gays", were the MAJOR and most LOYAL audience for these shows...

And it's so fucking surreal to watch TV shows now and not even have to worry about if the next episode will be written solely to mock my wishful thinking of seeing myself on screen, not worry that the writers might be keeping away information about the actual lengths of queer representation in the show to bait me for years without actually committing to the romantic plot...

I got to actually experience Stede and Blackbeard's kiss as well as Crowley and Aziraphale's kiss with no spoilers, going into these scenes fully "content" (either not to disappoint myself or convinced the studio would censor the writers) with the possibility that it would all be subtext forever, because I've endured multiple seasons and several years and numerous interviews of nothing but subtext for SO LONG that those kisses absolutely blew me the fuck away... and especially in the current political climate, it is so risky and poignant to portray them so so clearly and with NO room for interpretation, no mockery of the audience, no homophobic jokes to water down the gayness... just love, pure and simple, and it's queer, and it's beautiful, and I'm so fucking fortunate to be able to experience these TV shows (these being only 2, but I know there's more lately!) as someone who was almost conditioned to be embarrassed by my hopes of seeing queer love stories on TV

[blarrghe]

hello! For your prompts - "Tsk, who’s been a naughty apostate tonight?" for the pairing of your choice!

This is another ask that's been here for approximately five million years. I finally had a scenario for this cheesy line! As you might expect, there's smut, so after the cut it's on AO3.

@dadrunkwriting

--

The ball at Halamshiral was certainly an event. A nice event, all told, except for the rift and the attempted murder, but they’d all managed that quite handily, Dorian thought. And then there’d been free wine. 

The Inquisitor had impressed. Dorian had been honestly a little shocked to see it. Unfairly, perhaps. The determined elf had certainly committed to his studies beforehand. Still, with the way he spoke and the way he looked and the way Dorian knew courts liked to gossip, he’d expected the nobility to eat him alive. 

They’d loved him. That was the problem with Taren Lavellan, Dorian supposed, you could try to deny his eminence all you wanted, but once faced with the man himself it was certainly difficult not to fall… to admiration. Of his poise and good character. 

He’d danced with grace, deflected intrusive questions with charm, and finished the night by returning from his battles in the courtyard with his hair slightly tousled and a few telltale spots of blood on his clothes; a political compromise settled with just the right amount of spectacle. 

He’d asked Dorian to dance, after it all. A trifling thing. A bit of tipsy swaying on the balcony, music muffled behind stained glass windows and under the whispering of the wind. Just the two of them, swaying to an imagined beat, close in the chill. 

Fine, it had been lovely. Possibly the most romantic damned moment Dorian had ever experienced in his life. 

He wasn’t one for romantic moments. They made him feel… itchy.  

He’d left shortly after, sorely in need of a new drink and some privacy, or perhaps one of those visits The Iron Bull was always promising to make him. Something to scratch that itch. He’d shot Bull a glance, thought about asking, but hadn’t had the heart. Or… the nerve. Yes, the nerve. His heart would not be holding him back, was not. Because Taren Lavellan was not his to keep in his heart, excellent dancer or no. 

He'd really have to put a stop to all that. A real effort into quelling the flirtation, without offending their friendship. Without losing… without losing out on all that was good about Taren Lavellan. 

He would think about that later.

They were being put up in Halamshiral for the night. Dorian’s room housed an appealingly large bath. He settled in with his drink, filling the bath with steamy, fragrant water, and decided to make the most of his time kept in luxury. 

And if The Iron Bull decided to come to call and relieve him of his tensions, all the merrier. 

When a knock rapped against his door he was pleasantly surprised. He answered the door in his robe, loosely tied. 

Taren Lavellan stepped back with a scarlet blush upon his cheeks. 

A little voice from inside Dorian’s emptied wine glass called out, ‘all the merrier!’ 

“Inquisitor,” he said, unable to keep from smiling in his surprise.    “I, ah… were you waiting for someone?” Taren glanced behind him, to the steam and the low lighting within his room.    “Oh, just getting comfortable for the evening,” Dorian replied, smiling and leaning against his doorpost, “the baths. Glorious. But I am available if you… needed something?” He let the question hang presumptuous. Taren blushed some more. 

It was fun to watch him blush. He had decided to think about censoring himself later, after all.  

“Well,” Taren began, centering himself with some of that winning charm and his characteristic directness, “I haven’t eaten.” 

Dorian waited for him to finish that potential innuendo, raising an eyebrow as he did.  

“Just… wine,” the Inquisitor admitted, rocking back on his heels with too much of a sway. 

Dorian reached out a hand and caught his shoulder on the way back. He examined him now with concern. The Inquisitor had evidently bathed and changed, the blood and dirt washed away, the torn fabric of his formals replaced with his more usual, comfortable Skyhold attire. But the evidence of the evening was still in his face; tired, strained. 

“Wine and blood loss,” Dorian noted with a frown. “Inquisitor, you ought to sit down.” 

He meant that. Not as suggestion but as… well, genuine suggestion, he supposed. There was a comfortable settee in the room, a warm fire already lit. Containing his urge to take advantage of the man in his off-kilter state was remarkably easy, really. It was the urge to care for him which was concerning.    “I took this tray from the party,” Taren said, and he held up a small tray now, producing it from behind his back.    “Aren’t we a naughty apostate tonight?” Dorian tutted, calling back with a lightness the inherent scandal that had followed him about the palace floor.  

Taren did not address his low-hanging mockery, only continued his explanation. “Some of these flavours are…” his face twisted in contemplation for a word, then he stuck out his tongue. “Bad,” he concluded.    “Astute,” said Dorian.   “Others are very good.”   “That’s the fun of Orlesian food. You never know what you’re going to get.”

“Anyway. I thought I’d… share,” Taren went on with a smile, sweet and sideways, rather than sultry, “and we could work out which was which.”    Dorian chuckled, unsure of where exactly the laugh was coming from. “I could be amenable to that,” he said.  

“That means yes?”   “That means yes.”

He held the door open wide and Taren stepped through it with his tray. Dorian locked the door with a decisive click behind him.

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