#PHIL IS HOMOPHOBIC /J

[mossy123302]

Yeah, so Phil is just homophobic (/j )and a bastard-

He knew. He knew what he was doing and purposely put "MY" Missa. He watched us with amusement as every single crow in chat lost their mind. He knows how much we need the Missa crumbs.

HE KNOWS

I need Ender King to come back and punt this guy for me. Strangle Phil or whatever. I need this bird gone.

Aughhh....

I honestly do wonder what Ender King's end goals were though. Like, if he somehow won, to some degree because obviously Phil would be fighting back every once in a while. How would the Ender King like..even navigate the QSMP life, deal with a certain wet cat who just appears and immediately figures out that he isn't Phil. (The way Missa was quick to realize that Roier wasn't... himself) If Missa doesn't figure out- would-

Like- would Ender King simply keep Missa, Chayanne and Tallulah simply because they're something unique and is what keeps Phil tame? Would he just play along in this...platonic relationship and family vibe with this family or immediately strike them down and just find a way to overtake the Federation. (o7 to federation because a god is not on their bucket list)

Also I've been hearing that "Silly Billy" over TikTok and honestly? I feel like it could potentially fit O!Smp Philza with Q! Missa

Or maybe D!Smp Philza?

Those two different variants are so different, but when you place them with Q! Missa. It's such a shocking difference because while Missa would treat them with kindness and respect, he'd never treat them the same as Q! Philza. They're not his platonic spouse, and are different variants. So do you think...they get a little desperate to get that type of same love/affectionate from Missa?

Yes, I'm aware D!Smp Philza is canon to Philza- so this is probably something even more funny cause Q! Missa probably got tossed into the past somehow and must try to avoid changing everything (ends up changing everything). This is like some isekai trope idea-

Missa: This is fine, just avoid everyone and live peacefully and find a way back home

Philza: Hm. I like this strange skeleton. He isn't mean and treats me with respect and kindness, he even ate Techno's potatoes.

Missa, internally: OH NO

[tsunreleased]

Song Master List, dm for links

[last updated 06/19/24]

(note 02/22/24: songs that have been crossed out are temporarily unavailable but will be restored as soon as possible 🙏)

(additional note 06/19/24: if there’s a song you want that’s been crossed out, message me about it anyway and i’ll see what i can do even if i have to like. personally email you the file or something)

A

Ain’t Nothin’ ‘Bout You LIVE (Brooks & Dunn Cover)

A Little More Like You ACOUSTIC

All Night Diner ACOUSTIC

All Of The Girls (Lover Unreleased) STUDIO

American Boy ACOUSTIC

American Girl STUDIO (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Cover)

Am I Ready For Love STUDIO

Angelina ACOUSTIC

A Place In This World (demo) STUDIO

B

Baby Blue ACOUSTIC

Baby Don’t You Break My Heart Slow ACOUSTIC (Vonda Shepard cover)

Barnyard Song STUDIO

Beautiful Days ACOUSTIC

Beautiful Eyes STUDIO

Being With My Baby ACOUSTIC

Better Man (original demo) STUDIO

Better Off STUDIO

Brand New World ACOUSTIC

Breathless STUDIO (Better Than Ezra cover)

Brought Up That Way STUDIO

By the Way ACOUSTIC

C

Can I Go With You STUDIO

Cannonball ft. Justin Beiber STUDIO

Can’t Stop Loving You LIVE (Phil Collins cover)

Check Out This View ACOUSTIC

Closest To A Cowboy ACOUSTIC

Cold As You (demo) STUDIO

Come In With The Rain (demo) STUDIO

Crazier STUDIO

Crazier (alternate demo) STUDIO

Cross My Heart ACOUSTIC

D

Dark Blue Tennessee STUDIO

Dark Blue Tennessee (piano) STUDIO

Diary Of Me STUDIO

Didn’t They ACOUSTIC

Don’t Hate Me For Loving You ACOUSTIC

Down Came The Rain Deric Ruttan (Taylor is just backing vocals on this one) ACOUSTIC

Drama Queen STUDIO

Drive (For Daddy Gene) LIVE (Alan Jackson cover)

Drive All Night (Just South of Knowing Why) STUDIO

F

Fall Back On You ACOUSTIC

Fearless (demo) ACOUSTIC

Fire ACOUSTIC

Firefly ACOUSTIC

Forever Winter (original demo) STUDIO

For You ACOUSTIC

G

Gracie ACOUSTIC

H

Half-Way To Texas ACOUSTIC

Her ACOUSTIC

Here You Come Again STUDIO (Dolly Parton Cover)

Hold On ACOUSTIC(?)

Honey Baby ACOUSTIC

Hopelessly Devoted To You STUDIO (?) (Olivia Newton-John Cover)

Houston Rodeo ACOUSTIC

I

I’d Lie STUDIO

I Heart ? STUDIO

I Know What I Want STUDIO(?)

I’m Every Woman STUDIO (Whitney Houston cover)

I’m Only Me When I’m With You (demo) STUDIO

In The Pouring Rain ACOUSTIC

Invisible (demo) STUDIO

I Used To Fly ACOUSTIC

I Wished On A Plane ACOUSTIC

J

Just South Of Knowing Why (Drive All Night) STUDIO

K

Kid In The Crowd ACOUSTIC

L

Leavin’ LIVE (Jesse McCartney cover)

Let’s Go (Battle) STUDIO

Live For The Little Things ACOUSTIC

Long Time Coming STUDIO

Look At You Like That ACOUSTIC

Love They Haven’t Thought of Yet ACOUSTIC

Love To Lose ACOUSTIC

Lucky You STUDIO

M

Made Up You ACOUSTIC

Making Up For Lost Love STUDIO

Mandolin ACOUSTIC

Mary Jo ACOUSTIC

Matches ACOUSTIC

Me And Britney ACOUSTIC

Missing You LIVE ft Tyler Hilton (Tyler Hilton cover)

My Cure STUDIO

My Cure (alternate lyrics) ACOUSTIC

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark LIVE ft. Fall Out (Fall Out Boy cover)

My Turn To Be Me ACOUSTIC

N

Nashville LIVE (David Mead cover)

Need You Now STUDIO

Need (Lover Unreleased) STUDIO

Never Fade ACOUSTIC

Never Mind STUDIO

Never Mind (Country Version) STUDIO

O

Oh My My My (Mary’s Song demo) STUDIO

One-Sided Goodbye ACOUSTIC

One Thing (Bye Bye Baby original demo) STUDIO

One Way Ticket (LeAnn Rimes cover) STUDIO

Our Last Night (Better Than Ezra cover) ACOUSTIC

Our Song (demo) STUDIO

P

Perfect Have I Loved ACOUSTIC

Perfectly Good Heart (demo) STUDIO

Permanent Marker STUDIO

Picture to Burn (original demo) STUDIO

Picture to Burn 2006 original (homophobic version) STUDIO

Picture to Burn (alternate production w/ extended outro) (demo) STUDIO

Picture To Burn LIVE ft Def Leppard

Picture to Burn (war cry demo) ACOUSTIC

Point Of View ACOUSTIC

Pour Some Sugar On Me LIVE ft. Def Leppard (Def Leppard cover)

R

Rain Song ACOUSTIC

Red (demo) STUDIO

R-E-V-E-N-G-E STUDIO

Ride On ACOUSTIC

Riptide LIVE from BBC Studios (Vance Joy cover)

Run LIVE (George Strait cover)

Run (original demo) (clip) ACOUSTIC

S

Same Girl ACOUSTIC

Shake It Off (demo) STUDIO

“Slut!” Acoustic Version STUDIO

Smokey Black Nights STUDIO

Songs About You STUDIO

Sparks Fly original lyrics LIVE

Spinning Around ACOUSTIC

Stupid Boy ACOUSTIC

Sugar ACOUSTIC

Superstar (demo) ACOUSTIC

Superstar (demo) STUDIO

Sweet Escape LIVE (Gwen Stefani cover)

Sweet Nothing (piano remix) STUDIO

Sweet Tea And Gods Graces STUDIO

Sweet Tea And Gods Graces (acoustic) ACOUSTIC

T

Teardrops On My Guitar (demo) STUDIO

Tell Me STUDIO

Tell Me ACOUSTIC

Ten Dollars And A Six Pack ACOUSTIC

Tennessee ACOUSTIC

That’s Life ACOUSTIC

That’s When (original demo) ACOUSTIC

The Diary Of Me STUDIO

The Other Side Of The Door (demo) STUDIO

The Outside (demo) STUDIO

There’s Your Trouble (Dixie Chicks cover) STUDIO

Thinking About You ACOUSTIC

Thirteen Blocks STUDIO

This Here Guitar ACOUSTIC

This Is Really Happening STUDIO

This Is What You Came For (possibly ai) (demo) STUDIO

Tied Together With A Smile (demo) ACOUSTIC

‘Til Brad Pitt Comes Along ACOUSTIC

Tim Mcgraw (piano demo) ACOUSTIC

Tim Mcgraw (guitar demo) ACOUSTIC

Tim Mcgraw (byron gallimore demo) STUDIO

U

Umbrella LIVE (Rihanna cover)

Under My Head ACOUSTIC

W

Wait For Me STUDIO

Welcome Distraction STUDIO

We Were Happy (piano demo) ACOUSTIC

We Were Happy (original demo) STUDIO

What Do You Say STUDIO

What To Wear STUDIO

White Horse (piano demo) STUDIO

Who I’ve Always Been STUDIO

Y

You All Over Me (original demo) STUDIO

You Do ACOUSTIC

You Don’t Have To Call ACOUSTIC

Your Anything LIVE

Your Face STUDIO

You’re Losing Me STUDIO

You’re On Your Own Kid (strings remix) STUDIO

[lyman-garfiel]

HII!!

Welcome to my blog, unfortunatley you have found my corner of the internet =). info under the cut!!

🦎🪲THE ABOUT ME.🪲🦎

🦎You may refer to me as, garf or lyman [Garfiel if you're feeling fancy and/or scoldng me for grabbing the last peice of salami off the kitchen counter with my bare teeth and running off before you can take it back from me.], very few know my true name. if you do you know who you are 🦎My pronouns are he/it and i use any masc terms thank you veary much 🦎i am...18 years of age on this motherFUCKING planet. my blog is sfw though i do make sugjestive jokes sometimes so keep that in mind 🦎My interest include; Animatronics, [specifically Rockafire and cec], bugs/reptiles, THE PORTAL SERIES IS MY BIGGEST SPECIAL INTEREST PLEASE DISCUSS IT WITH M-. Captain laserhawk,dan and phil, Mlp,Fnaf, Garfield, Hlvrai, Wof, and more i am forgetting to list =) 🦎I have abnormal speech patterns, i cannot control that aespect of me just bare with it!! 🦎 I idenify as alterhuman of some,,,,,reptilian variety 🦎💎DNI!!💎🦎 💎Proshippers stay the fuck away from me i do not serve your kind here. 💎General dni material pedos/zoos/racists/terfs/homophobes/zionists/ableist ect. get out of my funny blog. 💎if you're NOT fond of horses/j 💎make fun of me for selfshipping, i am cringe and free and you cannot handle it. 🪲🦎SELFSHIP INFORMATION.🦎🪲 🪲At the time of writing this i only have one f/o. 💙Scarab💙

🪲This dork. this guy right here, she is my princess and i am in love with him so fucking much/srs 🪲 i don't mind sharring i mean,,,,,holy shit my wife is HOT AS HE'LL i get it. but pwish does make me a liittle uncomfortable and i believe that is just because 95% of scarab content IS pwish, nobody has to like curate their blog to accomodate for me at ALL just know if you wanna discuss the ship with somebody i'm not the guy 🪲this stupid fucking dumbass is like one of the few things keeping me going and i love her so much for that keep in mind i will NOT be normal about her and you WILL have to vibe with it 🦎💎SCARAMAN💎🦎 🧡Scaraman is like owning all my braincells and a lot of my posts WILL contain me ranting about these two 💙 Lyman is my sona and he is used to vent a little so like....when i do start posting the fic keep in mind my guy is ill in the head though i try to keep him lighthearted 🧡Nonetheless scarab and lyman love eachother very much and they kiss long time

💙also i made that freaky ass scarab plush and i locve him, whenever i get the chance i'll try to get funny pictures of him for this blog

🦎🪲CONCLUSION🪲🦎 🐲I hope you enjoy your stay at my little corner of this hellsite and feel free to grab a packet of saltine crackers on your way out!!

[yourfavouritetragedy]

queer family dynamic sbi. bisexual effeminate cwilbur. queer acearo ctommy. butch trans man techno!!! homophobic phil. /j actually phil is also aromantic and old-school genderqueer (androgyne, maverick, or neutrois).

[bonesandthebees]

a few things I noticed from chapter 20:

-Wilbur casually mentioned his age (for a joke sure but still)

-the flinching at his title being used as opposed to his name

-The ratio of how many times Pythia or Wilbur is used in the narration is lessening in term of 'Pythia' (I think, I haven't matched it or anything)

-Tommy holds a lot of importance to the trust and Relationships he has with the people around him.

-Gay tntduo is Tommy's biggest fear

-new favorite part is just '“Hello Tommy and the guy we kidnapped who just lives here now,” Techno deadpanned from where he was leaning back in Phil’s desk chair. “What can we do for you?”'

there is no consistency here enjoy my thoughts :]

-🦎

YEAHHH he casually mentioned it!! only bc phil techno and tommy all already know how old he is but yup he was able to joke about it for once :)

yuppp he's not super comfortable with actually hearing himself referred to as the pythia these days

it's a gradual shift I'd still say it's more pythia than wilbur atm but it's way more balanced than it was before

homophobic glass!tommy real /j

LMAO thank you for appreciating that techno line i was proud of it

[imgns]

its actually homophobic to not draw every single dream smp character with wings like that shit goes so hard

[cuuno-moved]

dream smp as things i've overhead at school.

tommy-'im not gay, im just sexist. wait no-'

tubbo-'i got kicked out of band again for swallowing a bottle cap.'

wilbur-'look, i may be a lowlife drug dealer but also i have made so much bank, so fuck the police.'

dream-'genderfluid people be like "oh yes, michaelangelo".'

george-'im not gay, dude, i swear, i just think he's sexy.'

sapnap-'did i ever tell you about the time i set my middle school bathroom on fire and got away with it.'

fundy-'i got bullied in middle school for being short, but little do they know, my dad's in prison for murder.'

eret-'the chicken nuggets were cold at lunch. can't believe the lunch ladies are homophobic.'

niki-'someone handed me a parrot in science today and i started crying.'

schlatt-'and that's on subtle alchoholism ell-oh-ell. ex-oh-ex.'

quackity-'im like... name a mexican famous person. uh. j lo. i'm like j lo.'

techno-'freshman will be hunted for sport. this is not a joke, i literally shoved one into the street in front of a bus. fuck them kids.'

phil-'shhh. mommy needs his space. i've had a long day.'

bad-'i have never cursed. no, wait, i called someone a cracker one time.'

skeppy- 'pov: i walk in on you changing but i'm a horse.'

ranboo-'soy mayonnaise doesn't ask questions. soy mayonnaise understands.'

jack-'welcome to wendy's, i fucked your mom and i'm high as shit. suck my dick.'

punz-'i got an f in sunday school.'

[leximitchells]

They were literally never friends. They fancied, but didn't like each other, banged, kept fancying but not really liking each other, had no interaction, then had two 10 second scenes with serious underlying tension post-shag and serious homophobic assault by Stuart, and the wedding stuff happened. Lmao thats not a friendship by any definition🤣 Callum calling him a 'mate' repeatedly to Stuart to distract from how bad he had it for Ben, does not a friend make!

ben was a friend to callum when j*nno showed up. callum was a friend to ben when louise went missing. ben went with callum to pick up his wedding rings. callum helped ben through all the stuff with phil. july and august 2019 was their friendship era

you can have a crush on someone and still be their friend. those aren’t mutually exclusive

[bciwasinlove]

A lot of straight YouTubers who got shipped also made and still make videos about it so your point about them egging on phannies doesnt stand. What upset Dan was not the fics, it’s was the constant digging of his past to find out his sexuality which is exactly what larries do to H&L. You can interpret things as “signaling” I guess but there’s no concrete evidence they actually have been doing that so larrie behavior is really unacceptable.

I wasn't going to bother answering bc this may prompt more annoying asks but I decided what the heck why not.

So idk why you brought up straight youtubers or how that compares to D&P and L&H. Straight duos like Jack and Mark who were shipped at one point always laughed about it and made jokes but it was obvious to 95% of people they weren't a real thing [J&M made it clear to] so the ship mostly died down. No ship from two most likely straight people came close to or was anything like D&P and L&H.

With shipping everyone knows the biggest thing is online fandoms for it writing fanfics and drawing fanart for the ships. It just doesn't make sense to me that someone would think what Dan claims to have but back in peak duo days made videos where they read fanfic, looked through fanart on tumblr calling them cute, and then writing and animating their own fanfic involving the two of them. Everyone knows that would lead people to believe it's fine to continue "shipping" them.

With D&P along with L&H no one is heavily digging up their personal past to come to the conclusions they did/have. It's just us paying attention to and mentioning what they PUBLICLY posted on social media or making note of how they acted around eachother which lead us to stating these two are together and definitely not straight.

You can't see D&P heavily flirting in videos [with obvious cuts where they kissed], Dan publicly posting on social media about liking men, L&H flirting in every interview, Louis coming out with a song about how love is only for the brave, im to far gone to pray + him and is lover came so far from their princess park days, Harry coming out with a song about how he likes to "do things" with men + songs that correlate to Louis songs/relationship and NOT go hey I don't think their straight and they are probably a couple.

I REALLY hate antis who have 100% never been a fan D&P and never watched a single video of there's taking what Dan said to use against larries. You can't compare D&P to L&H in this sense given D&P are two youtubers [not in any sort of binding contracts] with Dan who was unsure of who he was for years and not out to anyone but Phil.

Where as L&H are two major singers involved in an industry that is run by homophobic people who made a lot of money off of them during 1D [biggest boyband of the 2010s] and currently makes a lot of money off of Harry. Along with L&H telling everyone they can that they aren't straight and in a relationship. Plus L&H make it clear they WANT to be officially out to EVERYONE but can't bc they are under contracts by people who think being publicly open would be detrimental to them and a loss of money bc of course all these assholes care about is money.

L&H aren't straight and in a commited relationship with one another but your most likely a toxic anti who has never once looked into why it is we believe that so you will always see the idea of larry as farfetched. Really no matter what we post about larry and no matter if you antis read it you antis will always think it's bad to post about larry unless they were to officially come out. The day that happens though antis will quietly unstan and go.

[testingcheats0n]

Introduction

Hi and hello.

My name is Testing or Cheats or Prometeya, whatever you wish to call me.

I use any pronouns except they/them and it/its (unless you really, really want to). You can use female and male nouns for me (Guy/Gal. per example)

My main fandom as of this moment is the Dream SMP. I liveblog streams, I post metas, I write AUs, I reblog theories, fanart, discussions, and other miscellaneous from other fandoms (I am in many, many fandoms).

I focus mostly on SBI, but you'll see things from other characters of the SMP.

Please do consider using tone indicators, I can't detect some jokes or sarcasm.

I also speak Spanish if you want to go for it.

I am critical of many characters.

I'm fairly critical of, but I don't go as hard on Quackity, Sam, Phil, Ranboo, Niki, Sapnap, Karl, George, Jack Manifold, Fundy, and Eret.

I do have a very personal vendetta against Technoblade and Dream. They personally broke my back, stole my children, burned my crops, killed my parents, and nuked my country. I have no mercy for them and they send me into fits of rage (/hj), but Technoblade does kind of pop off at times.

Wilbur, Tommy and Tubbo are above criticism /j

Furthermore:

•I can't get angry at you. No, really, I'm physically inapable, I don't know you and I have 0 relation to you. Chances are that I simply hate the idea of what you're proposing, or saying. Assume in good faith that I'm cursing out Pig Man and Green Teletubby rather than you personally (as personal as it can be online).

My boundaries:

Dreamnotfound makes me uncomfortable as do all other ships- especially those with minors. Don't bring them near me or you'll catch this sweet, sweet block.

Anything negative regarding the minors you say will put you on my shitlist.

No NSFW asks or stuff like that, I'm not here for this.

If you send Anon hate you'll get blocked- yes, it can be done.

Art thieves won't be tolerated.

Trolls won't be tolerated. Just don't waste your time, I probably won't get it anyway.

Racists, homophobes, ableists, etc won't be tolerated.

My tags:

•If my post is tagged with #dream smp I'm 100% talking about the characters despite not using tags like c!

•If I'm specifically talking about the content creators I'll mark it with cc!

•If my post is tagged with #discourse I'm talking about drama.

•If my post is tagged with #testing speaks I'm talking about something unrelated to the fandom and probably personal.

•My non-dsmp stuff is untagged most of the time

•You're free to block everything above, just as you're free to block me.

I may miss a tag, and I might forget a TW/CW you're free to DM me or just reblog the thing to correct me.

[cc-tinslebee]

Hey!! Real quick -- thank you @demetriandelibinaryboyfriends for the tag!!

It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?

I wasn’t not expecting this in the slightest— I decided to watch Cobra Kai on a whim in January while my mom and I were dying my hair, and somehow it became my second hyperfixation of the year?? Wack??

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?

Actually, my first introduction to the Karate Kid was the 2010 film with Jaden Smith. It came out when I was younger, so I used to watch it religiously. Then after watching The Outsiders in eighth grade, my dad convinced me to watch the first two original Karate Kid movies before they were kicked off Netflix. Lowkey, the entire time, I was like, “Johnny Cade??” I still haven’t seen the third film because Netflix DVD is homophobic (/j), but I didn’t really get into it until Cobra Kai.

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:

🎶Demetri and Eli, binary booooyfrieeends brooootheeers.🎶 You already know. Somehow relate to both of them a little too much— also Moon!! My beloved!!

Favorite ship:

Elimetri, MoonPiper, and Samiguel all have my heart 🥺

Underrated character:

*takes out a list that hits the floor and keeps rolling* Okay so—

I’m just playing— for underrated-underrated characters, Moon because she’s overshadowed by Yasmine and misogynists, definitely Chris because he’s a legend, and Bert/Nate because the wiki always says ‘some kid’ in reference to them which is like ://

But Moon and Demetri are 100% my biggest underrated-even-though-they’re-a-somewhat-big-character characters. Moon is not a villain and Demetri is not the worst, thank you very much. *points at Reddit and The Cheat Sheet* y’all are just misogynistic and neurotypical.

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):

MoonPiper is kinda underrated, I think? A good chunk of the fandom is adamant on it, which is great, but in the lense of the show, not so much right now. Also torisha kinda! My girls!!

And Shawbby!! Let Robby have a bond outside of this karate nonesense!! It’s what he deserves!!

We’re not gonna talk about my season one-exclusive Moon/Eli/Demetri ship, we’ve already been over this—

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?

Sweep the leg, babey!! I’m definitely on the side of @demetriandelibinaryboyfriends about how it’s genuinely amazing how Demetri just took the move Eli used against him and ran with it. Yes, he is petty, and we love him for it. Me too tbh

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?

Dork man TKK-era Daniel had the best fashion sense tho

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

At first, I was going to say I couldn’t think of anyone, but now!! Bring back my boy Freddy Fernandez!! He totally disappeared after the beginning of the first film, and I wanna see him again!! Also Ali’s friend Susan!

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

Any Moon & Demetri scene, and I am once again asking them to pay rent— also 100% the Valley Fest scene where Eli pulls Demetri onstage. Iconic of them.

Also, lowkey, any Torisha scene. Somehow so unintentionally gay?? I legitimately thought they were telling me that Aisha had a crush on her??

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?

Lowkey, please gods no. Didn’t he appear, like, one (1) time in season three? I think it’s good that they have a comic relief character that’s involved in the conflict by extension, but not actively involved. It’s great to see the LaRusso family, two of them in the midst of this big fight, another getting roped into it and being extra passionate about her husband and daughter being hurt, and then you have the youngest child, serenely playing video games and not giving any fucks

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?

I second Bri’s remark — having done karate in the past, Cobra Kai would eat me alive, and I don’t trust Johnny to teach another neurodivergent queer kid. I could probably stand to gain from Daniel’s patience; I’d definitely be Demetri in that situation.

What’s your training montage song?

Dude, I have an entire playlist that I work out to, and I’m very indecisive, so I’ll just say my my main hype song, House of Wolves.

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?

You already KNOW I’m saying Kickin It. I won’t go in-depth because I already have, but the absolute power they’d have. Demetri and Milton, our favourite sassy Jewish nerds and their aggressively cool (respective) boyfriends Hawk and Jerry. Kim vibing with Sam like they deserve (and give me that good Kim & Bert cousins content, hand it over 🤲🏻). Miguel talking with Jerry in Spanish and, like, idolising Jack!! And you already know the comedic opportunites the Falafel Phil/Anoush thing could have.

Not sure if y’all have done this yet, and don’t feel pressured to if you don’t want to, but I figured I’d tag you folks!! @spidercrush3 @brattycobra @latetoalltheparties @binary-boyfriends4life @transdaniellarusso

[jelreth]

phils homophobic for streaming at 3 am /j

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Jealousy (5) Masterlist

Links Last Checked: March 28th, 2022

part one, part two, part three, part four

An Introspective Beat (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: In an airport in Australia, someone tries to sell Phil some cologne and Dan gets a little handsy.(aka, Phil gets hit on and shades of a jealous Dan.)

Come Get It (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: In a twist of fate, Phil meets Dan- the mysterious and beautiful dominant figure Phil has always desired in a partner. But when Dan introduces him to the crazy world of BDSM, Phil realises he still has to come a long way in order to appease Dan. The question still remains- can Phil give Dan everything he wants? And is this truly what he needs anyway?

don't like the way he's looking at you (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: phil gets jealous

he's mine (ao3) - plinth_of_life

Summary: When Dan leaves a hickey on Phil's neck and the mark ends up in an AmazingPhil video, the two grapple with leaving their mark on the internet.

I’ll wait for you (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: Phil needs time. Dan understands, so he books separate rooms.

In Which Dan Is A Bit Jealous (ao3) - Stormendale

Summary: Phil goes on a date to make Dan jealous, and, well, it works.

Jealous Boyfriend (ao3) - tol_but_smol

Summary: Pastel!Dan and Punk!Phil are shopping when a sales associate starts to flirt with Dan.

Just Friends (ao3) - justhavesex

Summary: They’re just childhood best friends. Nothing more. No, really.

kick with the fray (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Phil will laugh about this later. Maybe. Probably. (Not.)

Maybe it was always you and i. (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: based off this instagram post i saw that says; “straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. plot twist it turns out i dont have a problem with alex kissing guys if its me he is kissing” But with Phan

not your fault that they hover (ao3) - snsk

Summary: When Nick found out he was going to London in June, he acquired Dan’s number from the BBC, who were quite happy about giving people their employees’ private and personal information as long as said people were super famous and appealed to their teenage demographic and could squeeze in an interview with Nick Grimshaw the next time they were in town.(for the anon who requested: I may or may not be requesting a jealous-phil fic based on that little tryst with nick j. Please. For your 30-min series.)

only mine, entirely (ao3) - dayevsphil

Summary: Dan is naturally a jealous person, and even idle comments are getting to him these days. Amnesia AU timestamp.

Practice Makes Perfect (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: Phil said he would paint Dan’s nails in a live show, and doesn’t think much of it until Dan finds someone else to do it. Dan is surprised and amused at Phil’s reaction.

prickle on the skin, ache in the heart (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: phil smiles wider, brighter. every day. every day, dan falls in love again.

he can’t help but be a little jealous, not being able to say

Slipping (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: Dan can't hold his alcohol and gets a little too touchy-feely with Pj. Luckily Phil's there to teach him a lesson.

strangers waiting, looking down the boulevard (ao3) - nqkedbooths

[21:37 ] Unknown: Hey, I heard you were short of some change but offered certain services - I’ll pay you for one night with me; no strings attached, nothing dangerous.

[21:39] Dan: i’m sorry, but do i look like a fucking prostitute?

[21:40] Unknown: Wait, who are you?

The Essence of an Absence - ravehowell

Summary: Dan has a dumb crush on an oblivious best friend, a poetry blog and a boyfriend that doesn’t exist. (Dan also learns how to lie to Phil and can’t tell when to stop.)

You Took My Hand (And Then We Both Started Running) (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: A series of moments from Dan and Phil's lives, from their first meeting as kids to mid-life crises.

you wear the moon like a halo (ao3) - ohyellowbird

Summary: When Phil blinks open, his vision blurry, there is a shape at the foot of his bed.He jumps as much as one can when sitting on a mattress. “Stop that!” Phil shrills, pushing his glasses back up his nose for a better look. “One of these days I’m going to have five actual heart attacks because of you.”he shadow at the foot of his bed is not looming in a menacing way but simply standing there, illuminated by the bedroom window against the opposite wall. It is tall and broad-shouldered, like the one Phil had seen just after moving in. “Hi there,” he says quietly, wary that it–he–might spook and disappear.

[presidentrhodes]

How about some IronHusbands? Tony keeps telling the avengers how awesome his husband is but they don't believe he exists because it has been months and they still haven't met him yet and then finally, Rhodey comes home :)

See, I was going to write a cute 700-word fic for this, but your prompt was too good and this turned into a 5K monster. I’m sorry. :(

Title: The Other Mr Stark: Pilot, Scientist and Iron Man’s Mysterious Paramour

Rating: PG

Pairing: Tony Stark/James Rhodes

Summary: Clint leans over to Tony and whispers. “For the record, I know you’re lying. You’re describing the perfect man and he doesn’t exist. You might as well say you’re dating Superman because at least Christopher Reeve was a looker.“ 

This ignores the chronology and canon from Iron Man 2. It’s not yet beta-ed so, I apologise for all mistakes!

***

“Don’t be ridiculous, Stark,” Clint says from the lounge floor, where he sits cross-legged, trying to build a house of cards on the table. Natasha’s lying on the sofa next to him, her feet on Steve’s lap as he massages them. Bruce sits in an armchair opposite them, his attention fixed on the Starkpad in his hands. Thor stands by the floor-to-ceiling window behind Bruce, watching the cars driving along Park Avenue 80 floors down. “You’re making shit up." 

It’s team-bonding night: Steve came up with the idea a month after the Avengers stopped an alien invasion and moved into the spacious penthouse atop Stark Tower. New York began the long, arduous process of rebuilding; tall construction cranes wedged between damaged skyscrapers carried out repair work and men in reflective vests and bright yellow helmets became a common sight all over the city. 

Tony’s at the bar mixing drinks for the team, even though he hasn’t touched alcohol in over a decade. His cocktails, he claims, are still kickass. "Why would I lie to you, Barton? I am going to get nothing out of it." 

They have been going back and forth for an hour since Tony let it slip that contrary to what the New York Post says every week, he’s happily married. His husband’s a decorated Air Force Colonel and a rocket scientist by training and, Tony insists, he once fought a homophobe bare-chested outside MIT in the freezing Northeast winter, for insulting Tony.

"It was my birthday. Honeybear had no time for assholes,” Tony says, shaking the martini he’s making for Natasha. “The fight was brutal, and this guy was built like a horse. I thought Platypus wouldn’t last a minute but I was wrong. Dead wrong.” Tony gesticulates at appropriate moments in his recounting of the tale and embellishes it with just the right amount of spice to impress upon the demi-gods, assassins and supersoldiers in his audience that his husband is a goddamn hero. 

Tony’s husband had apparently exchanged punches with the bigot that left both men bleeding profusely from their noses. “Then Honeybear uppercuts him out of nowhere and it’s a total KO,” Tony says, moving on to make Steve’s drink—a mojito; how typical of Captain Boyscout McSexypants. “I thought I was watching Ali versus Foreman on replay. It was beautiful.”

Bruce snorts at the comparison without glancing up from the tablet. 

Clint’s face contorts and he knits his brows in frustration as the sparse details from Tony fail to add up in his mind. The stacked cards look dangerously close to toppling over. “You want us to believe in this ‘mysterious’ paramour, and all you’re giving out are a bunch of ridiculous nicknames and made-up stories with no evidence and no pictures. Sounds completely legitimate.”

“Hey, why did I never come across this husband of yours when I was your PA?” Natasha chips in, the corner of her mouth quirks up. Steve grins at the way Tony’s face turns red and his nostrils flair—from what he has learned, courtesy of Shield and Ms Potts, Tony’s pride hasn’t recovered from being thoroughly fooled by the Black Widow two summers ago.

Tony tosses a lime at Natasha. She swats it away with an expert backhand, and the lime crashes into Clint’s deck of cards. The archer snarls a string of expletives, forcing out Steve’s stern 'Captain America is disappointed in you, son’ look. Tony flashes a lopsided smile from the bar. “Well, Ms Rushman, I don’t discuss all aspects of my life with personal assistants. Even ones as attractive as you.”

“Call me Rushman one more time and—" 

Thor finally turns to join the conversation and butts in before Natasha delivers the rest of her threat. "Your husband must be a good, honourable man. I’m sure he’s worthy of his place in Valhalla."  The response draws surprised looks around the room. Even Tony double-takes at first, his eyes wide and bug-like as if he can’t believe what his ears are picking up. He recovers fast and rubs his hands together in glee. "See? The god agrees with me. It’s settled, I win.”

The conversation turns to Fury and Shield—specifically, determining if Phil Coulson is a human mimicking an AI or an artificial intelligence pretending to be a 39-year-old homo sapiens sapiens. Tony brings over the drinks and sinks to the floor next to Clint. The archer leans over and whispers. “For the record, I know you’re lying. You’re describing the perfect man and he doesn’t exist. You might as well say you’re married to Superman because at least Christopher Reeve was a looker." 

Tony rolls his eyes. "You’ll eat your words soon enough, birdbrain." 

***

‘Soon enough’ turns out to be a month later when the topic of Tony’s mystery husband makes an unannounced appearance in the middle of a mission. Taking on a small army of unidentified robots possessing a hive brain, near a country fair, leaves Steve, Natasha and Tony in charge of shepherding a group of children away from the direct line of fire. Thor and Hulk keep the main fighting focused on them while Clint takes out the spare droids, one by one, from his spot on a nearby roof. 

Natasha leads them past smouldering scraps of metal and burning tarp, towards the carousel where the children huddle together, their faces white as sheets. Behind her, Steve’s limping along. He’s bleeding into his suit after taking several hits earlier from the droids and their shoulder-mounted plasma cannons. Tony provides aerial support, keeping the stray robots away from the kids. 

"You know,” he begins on the team’s shared comms channel, watching Natasha approach the terrified children with an unnatural, almost enviable, ease, like she has spent a lifetime perfecting the art of looking after them. “Platypus is really good with kids too. His sister sometimes leaves her daughter with us when she’s travelling, and he’s a natural with her. I always thought kids are fussy about everything.” Clint groans. Tony ignores him and continues, letting JARVIS take control of the armour to round up and disable the remaining droids. 

“Jeannie always says Lila is a fussy baby at home. She has made a career out of screaming when things don’t go her way. When she stays with us, she turns into an angel because of Platypus.” No one responds. Tony’s attention shifts to how pale Steve looks in his viewfinder. He watches the Captain stagger behind Natasha and asks JARVIS to scan his teammate to take stock of his injuries; Tony knows once the mission is over, Steve will downplay his condition. He’ll brush it off as “just a couple of knocks, nothing too serious,” and bury himself in paperwork in his office to avoid medical attention. The man hates hospitals. Tony can’t blame Steve—he detests them, too. 

“My scans detect Captain Rogers has sustained three broken ribs and severe lacerations,” JARVIS drawls in his thick, mechanical voice. “Readings indicate his supersoldier abilities have already contained the bleeding, and the ribs should heal on their own by the week’s end.”

“Thanks, J.” Tony lands on the ground next to Steve. They watch Natasha usher the children towards the perimeter that Shield agents, who finally arrived at the scene, have set up. Worried parents, some of them openly sobbing, stand behind the barricades, waiting to be reunited with their children. “Captain. You’re hurt,” Tony informs Steve as a matter of fact. 

“I hadn’t noticed,” Steve says, deadpan, and lets out a pained breath. 

The faceplate lifts. Tony gives a half-smile at Steve. “Let me carry you back to the infirmary. You need medical attention and my husband is a big fan. He’ll lose his mind when I tell him I carried Captain America bridal style back to base.” Fortunately for Tony, whatever objection Steve’s about to raise dies on his lips as exhaustion wins him over. He collapses face-first on the muddy field, and Tony’s kneeling by his side in a flash, checking for a pulse. He sags inside the suit in relief when he finds one, and JARVIS helpfully diagnoses “severe fatigue” for the Captain. The AI chooses that precise moment to reveal to Tony that Steve Rogers hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in three months. 

“Avenger down,” Tony tells the team. A chorus of concerned voices floods the comms channel. “The Captain’s had a long day. I’m taking him back to medical, you guys handle cleanup and Coulson. I am busy in the evening, so, don’t call me or page me unless the world is on fire and one of you is actually dying." 

No one speaks for a few moments. Clint cuts through the static in a flat, disinterested tone. "What’s keeping you busy, Stark? Sexy date in the Bahamas with your imaginary husband?" 

"If you have to know, birdbrain, it’s our anniversary and I’m going to the base to see him.”

Clint chortles. 

“You still won’t tell us what base he’s stationed at. Let me guess, is it Area 51? Is your imaginary husband an alien, Stark? Holy shit, you’re married to Superman." 

The words vex Tony. "Do you ever shut up, Barton?” He doesn’t wait for a reply and turns off his comms. Tony carries Steve in his arms and flies back to the Tower.

***

A few weeks later, after pulling another all-nighter in the lab, Tony walks in on Steve, Natasha and Bruce gathered in the kitchen for breakfast. Clint’s on vacation. Tony counts that as a blessing. He knows despite Clint’s cynicism, at some point, the archer started tailing Tony’s every move, inside and outside the Tower, to find out more about Platypus. Working as an assassin over the years, Clint honed his ability to stay under the radar, but all of that training didn’t stand a chance against JARVIS and his all-sensing presence.

“Barton’s been following me,” Tony says, pouring himself a coffee. He curses—someone, and he knows it’s Thor, keeps leaving coffee grounds inside the pot. That barbarian. “He thought he was being clever by using the vents, but nothing gets past JARVIS.”

Bruce narrows sleep-heavy eyes at Tony: “I thought J doesn’t surveil us.” The words come out as nothing more than a low, gruff mumble. Stifling a yawn, Bruce slouches forward and rests his face on the granite countertop. His eyes droop; for all of his unparalleled work in anti-electron collision theory, Bruce Banner remains incapable of being a morning person.   

“He doesn’t when you’re in your private quarters. The vents are public areas, and standard building security protocols apply.” Tony strains his coffee. He makes a mental note to speak to Thor—the Asgardian proved himself to be a fast learner of Earthly etiquettes. He’s come a long way from smashing coffee mugs to ordering customised drinks at Starbucks without pissing off the baristas. Even Captain America sometimes gets the stink eye when he asks for soy milk instead of dairy. Tony suspects baristas around the city are too enamoured by Thor’s godly presence to ever crib about his order.  

“Why would Clint stalk you through the vents?” Steve asks. Tony finds the puzzled look on Steve’s face endearing. “50% of his DNA is bird. He’s just following his instincts,” he says. Tony bites back a laugh at Steve’s hardened expression; he appears genuinely distressed by the idea that one of his human teammates may not be 100% human. 

Tony admires the way the Captain works hard to adjust to his new life in the 21st century—waking up to an alien invasion led by a horned Norse god proved to be a hell of a way to get over the initial culture shock. And, while Steve made a quick study of smart kitchen appliances and most of the Internet, genetic modifications and other advances in technology set off regular alarm bells in his head. Noticing the way Steve’s lips curl downward, Natasha offers a quick clarification: “Tony’s being an idiot. Clint’s not actually part bird, even if he is as obtuse as one." 

"Well, birdbrain has to get more creative than vents to get the jump on JARVIS,” Tony says, squeezing between Steve and Natasha. They hear Bruce’s gentle snores—he really hates mornings—and Tony whispers. “Honeybear is the only one who has gotten past J.”

On cue, JARVIS chimes in softly: “That is correct. His method was delightfully inventive, one that has enhanced my detection abilities tenfolds.”

Without being prompted, Tony volunteers the information to his teammates in a hushed tone: “We had a bet. Each of us picked a random day to break into Stark Industries. The goal was to get into my office without alerting J." 

Steve and Natasha listen, their expressions dull, as Tony explains in unnecessary details how his husband got the jump on artificial intelligence—Natasha makes mental notes to make her own attempt later if only to test her own skills against an all-seeing machine. 

"Honeybear set off a small and easily contained fire in our backyard while I was sleeping. Because J’s primary protocol is to protect me, he had to assess its threat level. But, it was in a contained environment; the variables were known, and the calculation should’ve been easy, except his protocol says he cannot dismiss the threat until it is eliminated,” Tony says, watching Steve’s eyes widen. The Captain, ever the cynic, is probably working out a hundred different world-ending scenarios about a rogue AI. He and J aren’t so different in their personalities, Tony thinks. 

“JARVIS spent most of his processing power keeping an eye on me. His second protocol says he must at all times protect the Stark Secure Server, my private server. And, no, Natasha, I know that look. It’s not at Stark Industries, I know you’ve looked, and I won’t tell you where it is so that Shield can go snooping.” Natasha glowers at him, her cheeks flushed at being caught red-handed. “That left J with very little juice to handle everything else for all Stark Industries offices around the world. He didn’t even notice Honeybear walk onto the premises or enter my office.”

Tony pauses to let his teammates absorb and appreciate his husband’s ingenuity: Steve looks impressed, Natasha scowls at Tony. Bruce, with his eyes still closed and head down, breaks the silence. “I’ve seen J’s documentation. You wrote him to back himself up on local servers precisely to avoid this situation. You said your roommate at MIT gave you the idea. Plus, you use an insane amount of RAM, I’ve seen your set up.”

Tony claps.

“Finally. Someone who sees the obvious error in this story. And yet, somehow, Honeybear got into my office undetected. Either he’s the superspy of the millennium—sorry, Widow—or someone is lying.” Tony glances at the ceiling. “What? You like him better or something?” JARVIS doesn’t respond. Instead, music flits in from the overhead speakers: Tell me lies. Tell me sweet little lies (Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies). Oh, no, no you can’t disguise. 

“Smartass.”

***

On Christmas Eve, Tony arrives at the common floor and overhears the team in deep conversation. His curiosity plants him in a corner outside the lounge, within hearing distance, but strategically hidden from the occupants inside. He picks up on Natasha speaking with an underlying worry in her tone. “That’s not the point, Clint. When I assessed him, he was dying. Very painfully, if I may add. He’s proven himself to be a team player and he’s a vital member of this team—" 

Clint cuts her off. "He’s delusional, Nat. He’s making up an entire person and coming up with these larger than life stories. It was funny the first time, but it’s clear he believes in the stuff he says. If he’s losing it, we need to know because we’re a team. We have got to have each other’s backs at all times.”

Steve chimes in: “His life is his own. We should respect his privacy, Clint. I’m sure when he’s ready, he’ll introduce us to his husband. Don’t force it on him.” Tony’s built-in cynicism would have once made fun of the unadulterated optimism behind Steve’s words. But, hearing the Captain speak in his, and Platypus’, defence like that makes Tony want to immediately buy the Brooklyn apartment he knows Steve’s eyeing and give him the keys in a gift-wrapped box with a bow. 

Captain America’s assurances fail to convince Clint or soothe his exasperation. “Your optimism is misplaced, Cap. There is no husband, no boyfriend. Nothing! Nat and I have looked everywhere and there’s not a trace of Stark ever getting hitched, let alone to another military man. I get it, don't ask, don't tell when that was still the law, right? What about now? There has to be some kind of a legal record, somewhere, if Stark's really married.”

“Maybe it’s a manifestation of his trauma,” Bruce supplies. “He’s well overdue a psych evaluation. He hasn’t talked to anyone since the invasion. We should cut him some slack.”

Clint doubles down. “We need to know if he’s hallucinating before someone tries to take over the world again. It’s one thing if he’s making it up for street cred, but if he genuinely believes in it…" 

"He’s creating another armour,” Natasha says. Tony feels vindicated by the admission—he knows she pokes around his lab whenever Stark Industries business calls him away to the other coast. Her clandestine efforts fail to outsmart J’s all-sensing presence, but confronting the Black Widow about it, and risking dismemberment, ranks low on Tony’s list of priorities. To have her admit it in front of their teammates takes a small weight off his chest. “I’ve seen the blueprint. This is a leaner, tougher armour with some serious firepower.”

“Yeah. Fury commissioned it,” Steve says. Someone—Bruce—curses out loud at the revelation. Tony bites his lips and presses a hand over his mouth to stop himself cackling. Fools, those god-damn irredeemable fools, Tony thinks. Steve continues. “He wants to recruit that Air Force Colonel he always raves about.”

“James Rhodes.” Clint jumps in. “See, now he is an impressive man. I’ve read his files and I can see why Fury’s in love with him. Hell, I’m in love with him, too.” Tony’s close to tears from holding back his laughter at the archer’s enthusiastic tone; he doesn’t want to risk giving away his location and miss the rest of the conversation about the new recruit. “So, Stark’s agreed to make a suit for the Colonel. That's…surprising, seeing how possessive he is of his tech. He tased me last month when I tried to get a good look under the hood.”

“Maybe, Fury made him an offer he can’t refuse.”

“Does Stark know?” Natasha asks. “About Fury’s plans to recruit the Colonel? I heard Nick mentored him in college.”

“Shit,” Clint shouts. Tony regrets the lack of visual cues to go with the congregation inside and makes his own: Clint jumps on the sofa without warning next to Bruce, who turns a deep shade of green. While Steve and Natasha work to calm Bruce down, Clint squats on top of the backrest, like a bird perched on its nest among sky-high branches. Tony laughs at the imagery in silence. 

“Rhodes went to MIT too, didn’t he? He studied aeronautics and astronautics—basically, rocket science. And, he’s Stark’s age. It’s not impossible they crossed paths there. Do you think Stark is holding onto some creepy university crush or did he make up his fake husband based on the Colonel?" 

"He really needs that psych eval." 

That’s when Tony decides he’s heard enough. He can barely keep himself together and in his excitement, he knocks into a solid, immovable mass. "Fuck,” Tony mutters and looks up into Thor’s dark blue eyes. Maybe the city baristas had a point, Tony thinks, and it’s futile to fight the Asgardian charm that oozes from every pore on Thor’s body. 

Tony still pinches himself from time to time and wonders how a god fell out of legends, waltzed into his life and took up residence in his penthouse. After butting heads over Thor’s murderous brother Loki, they forged a friendship based on mutual respect—another thing which puzzles Tony because Thor’s a deity and he’s just a guy. Thor protested once when Tony blurted it out. “You’re not just a 'guy’.”

Thor’s quieter and more reserved than his broad GQ-model-like physique suggests; he prefers to observe instead of participating in the team’s special brand of eccentricity. Everyone on the team agrees that Thor is immeasurably perceptive. 

“Hello, Pointbreak,” Tony says, clasping his shoulder. “What are you doing out here? You’re missing all the fun inside. They’re talking about having me committed because they don’t believe Platypus is real. They think I’m hallucinating.”

Thor’s face twists into a frown, a contrast to Tony’s playful grin. “Then they are silly,” he says. “I have seen how fondly you speak of him, Tony. You love your husband." 

"More than I can put into words, buddy.” Tony sighs as his smile falters, his arms crossing over his chest. “Platypus is the bedrock of my life. Got me through some really bad times. After everything he has seen me say or do, he’s still here, and I wonder what I did to deserve him. You know? It’s surreal. Which god answered my prayers that I got so lucky?”

Thor steps forward until he’s up in Tony’s face, mere inches separating them. That man may possess a delightful and exuberant personality. But he has no concept of personal space, which Tony files under 'Usual Asgardian Oddities’, along with Thor’s habit of speaking to inanimate objects when he thinks no one is looking. Large hands rest his bony shoulders in a hard grip, and Tony thinks Thor is about to impart some godly wisdom. Interruption, if only to point out the awkwardness of their proximity, may come across as rude. "Listen here, Tony Stark. I have lived and watched over your realm for a thousand years. I’ve seen civilisations rise and fall, kingdoms destroyed by greed, great men brought down by hubris. But, you, my friend, you are among the best of them. Midgard should be proud to call you her son. Never ever doubt your worthiness.” Thor beams. 

Tony tries to think up a response to that, but his mouth snaps shut. How does one top a speech where an actual god calls you worthy? In the end, Tony nods and stays still until Thor lets him go. “I will consider it a great honour the day you choose to let us meet the man who has stolen your heart. For one who’s deserving of your love, I also consider him worthy.”

On his way out, Tony texts his husband: You won’t believe it but I think Thor just blessed our marriage. 

The reply comes immediately: Holy shit. I feel blessed already. Merry Christmas and see you soon xx. 

***

Fury calls the team for an urgent meeting after New Year’s Day. His memo reads like every other missive he sends, curt and to the point: Meeting at 10 @ HQ. Don’t be late. 

They take Tony’s private jet to DC because the Quinjet was out of commission, undergoing repairs after their latest mission—a villain holding Manhattan’s power grids hostage—damaged the engines. Onboard, they huddle in front of the flatscreen watching CNN analyse Justin Hammer’s trial. Tony gives them a breakdown of his business rival—how Justin tried to sabotage the Stark Expo by presenting cheap knockoffs of the Iron Man armour that blew up the entire venue. The anchor reads out charges levelled against Hammer: money laundering, racketeering, fraud, public endangerment, copyright infringement. And a dozen lawsuits from Stark Industries and affected civilians.

“Ouch,” Clint says, reclining in his seat. “That’s a bit excessive, even for making cheap knockoffs of your suit and blowing them up at your expo, Stark.”

“Trust me, birdbrain, we take corporate espionage very seriously,” Tony replies. A live feed shows Hammer arriving at the courthouse in orange overalls, with dark circles under his eyes and his hair in disarray. The press swarms around him, shoving microphones and cameras in his face. Hammer tries to push his way through the crowd. “Oh, Justin. You know, if he had even an ounce of charm in his bones he could’ve gotten the charges reduced.”

“You can’t charm your way through everything, Tony,” Bruce points out. 

Tony smiles. “Not everyone can, no. My husband on the other hand—” The shift in the atmosphere is palpable. Clint tunes out of the conversation to stare out the window. Bruce shifts uncomfortably in his seat, Natasha presses her lips together in a frown, and Steve surveys the lines on his palms. Only Thor shows interest, so, Tony continues. “Few years ago, I dared him to charm a store manager at Macy’s. They had this perfume set from their exclusive collection. I wanted to see if Platypus could convince her to give him a set for free. You should’ve seen him, Thor. He knew all the right things to say, the right moments to smile, and I think if he had asked, she’d have given him the keys to the store. We gave it back later because it would’ve come out of her paycheck, otherwise. Platypus is a real charmer. You’ll love him.”

Thor’s laughs drown out Clint’s audible scoff. “I look forward to meeting him.”

“We should buckle up, we’re about to land,” Steve says, pointing to the seat belt sign. 

***

Fury waits for them in a conference room on the top floor of the Triskelion. One by one, the Avengers fill in, with Tony being the last to enter. He takes the seat closest to the door. 

“I’ll keep this short,” Fury says, without preamble. It’s one of the few things Tony admires about the director—he loathes wasting time as much as Tony. “The Avengers Initiative was started to be Earth’s first and last line of defence against extraterrestrial threats. We’ve shown the world why we need to exist and your heroic efforts have won us more goodwill from the public than we have anticipated. My bosses have instructed me to expand this team. You will meet the new recruits over the course of the year. They will train with you and Stark has agreed to house them at the Tower.”

Clint perks up. “Colonel Hottie said yes?" 

Natasha kicks him under the table. 

"What? He’s perfect. He’s smart, brave, and real. No offence, Stark.” Tony shoots him a dirty look. Clint turns to Steve. “Hey Cap, what’s your opinion on team romances? Yay or nay?" 

"Clint,” Steve gives him his best 'Son, stop disappointing Captain America’ look. “This is neither the time nor the place.” The archer slumps in his chair and says loudly, “Look, I just want to know how many protocols I’ll be breaking to ask Colonel Rhodes out on a date." 

Before Steve or Fury can answer, a new voice replies. "The answer would be none, Mr Barton. As flattering as your proposition sounds, I am unfortunately off the market.” All seven pairs of eyes turn to the doorway—James Rhodes leans against the doorframe in a grey polo shirt, a black bomber jacket and a pair of tight-fitting black jeans. Clint swallows and stammers. Natasha kicks him again. 

“Colonel Rhodes,” Fury says and motions him to come forward. “Meet the team." 

Rhodes takes stock of the room, his eyes resting a millisecond longer on Tony, and says, "Hey. Call me Jim." 

Steve’s the first to rise as he moves in to shake Rhodes’ hand. "Good to meet you, Colonel. We’ve heard a lot about you from Fury, and we’re looking forward to having you on the team.” Bruce and Natasha go next: They exchange quick, courteous 'hello’s before Clint almost trips over himself to greet Rhodes. He tries to play it cool but stutters at the last moment, and the words—"I’ve read your file, Colonel, where have you been all my life?“—come out all jumbled, lacking the charm and finesse he had practised ever since Steve let it slip that Fury was trying to recruit Rhodes. On his turn, Thor flashes the Colonel a knowing smirk, and despite never reading any of Rhodes’ files, he says, "Good to finally meet you, Jim. I’ve heard a lot about your adventures." 

Finally, Rhodes turns to Tony, who has been hanging back with his hands jammed in his front pockets and a closed-off expression on his face. "You look like the cat peed in your cereal today." 

"It’s your fucking cat,” Tony grumbles. He doesn’t move away as Rhodes treads over and steals a peck on the lips. The rest of the team stare in stunned silence; except Fury, who rolls his eye, and Thor, whose indulgent smile suggests he feels pretty damn good about himself for uncovering some hidden knowledge before everyone else. Steve notices the identical wedding bands on Tony and Rhodes’ fingers first, and it finally clicks. “You’re married to Tony?" 

"I am afraid the secret’s out, Captain. I am the mystery husband you’ve been hearing about and I assure you, I’m very real.” Rhodes slings a hand over Tony’s shoulder, and Tony melts into the touch, leaning on him for support, with a hand around Rhodes’ waist. No one speaks—no one fully overcomes the shock around the revelation, and though Steve looks like he’s working out the right words to say in his head, he stays quiet. At some point, Thor starts recording the confusion in the room as it unfolds—for a Space Viking who gives off strong Luddite vibes, he turns out to be exceptionally adept at using Earth tech. Tony isn’t surprised that Thor not only knows how to use a smartphone camera but he also developed a keen sense of when to use it—Barton looking like a flustered deer caught in headlights should be memorialised in every medium. 

“I’ve been told the secrecy around my existence has become a matter of concern among the team,” Rhodes says, fixing his gaze on Clint. The archer shrinks in his seat. He avoids looking at Tony. Or Rhodes. “I’m happy to answer questions, perhaps over dinner, and provide clarifications on whatever my husband has told you about me. He likes to exaggerate, as I’m sure you know. But if you don’t mind, I’d like some privacy with Tones right now. We haven’t seen each other in a year and this meeting was not my idea of a reunion. It’s lacking in some quality action if you know what I mean.” He leaves very little to the imagination. Steve’s scandalised; jaws clenched and his eyes dart from Tony to Rhodes and back to Tony. Thor continues recording as he holds the smartphone in front of the Captain’s face until Steve tries to swat it away, and misses. Only Bruce, Tony notices, shows remorse for doubting his accounts and questioning his sanity. 

With a final nod at the team, Rhodes walks out. “Coming?” He asks from the doorway. “I’ll catch up,” Tony says and lingers long enough for Fury to dismiss the team and leave. Clint’s sour expression—his nose crinkles as if he smelled something horrible—clashes with the way Tony’s eyes sparkle and his grin stretches ear to ear. “Hey birdbrain, how does it feel to be a clown? For what it’s worth, you never had a shot with him because I sealed the deal in '87. You were still working the circus. Yeah, that’s right, I read your files too—even the 'redacted’ ones.” Tony trots out of the room as Clint flips him off, with a big, smug grin plastered over his face. Some things are worth the wait—Rhodey has always been worth it. 

–FIN–

[phulge]

quarantine is SO homophobic... they would have been together at vidcon mexico if this hadnt happened and that would have been j*int content..... who KNOWS what fun things dan has planned that got cancelled or moved bc of this............. quarantine hates me

i feel so bad for the mexican phannies like they cant win!! i was also looking forward to dan and phil speaking horrible spanish :(((

[ao3feed-bemorechill]

Teenage Drama

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2Cvo3l1

by FoxOfTheDeep

The most drama-filled high school ever. Connor is suicidal. Michael Doesn't understand. JD wishes he could start over. Suicide, Self-harm, and angst are only the tip of the iceberg.

  I suck at summaries so bear with me.

Words: 688, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Alana Beck, Heidi Hansen, Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Jeremy Heere, Michael Mell, Cynthia Murphy, Zoe Murphy, Larry Murphy, Veronica Sawyer, Jason "J. D." Dean, Heather Duke, Heather Chandler (Heathers), Heather McNamara, Martha Dunnstock, Kurt Kelly, Ram Sweeney, The Squip (Be More Chill), Rich Goranski, Jake Dillinger, Christine Canigula, original character(s) (for plot convinience), Jeremy Heere's Dad, Dan Howell (mentioned), Phil Lester (mentioned), Brendon Urie (mentioned), Ryan Ross (mentioned), Spencer Smith (Mentioned), Jon Walker (mentioned), Gerard Way (mentioned), Mikey Way (mentioned), Frank Iero (mentioned), Ray Toro (mentioned), Tyler Joseph (mentioned), Bo burnham (mentioned), Brooke Lohst, Chloe Valentine

Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Jason "J. D." Dean/Veronica Sawyer, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, frerard (mentioned), ryden (mentioned) - Relationship

Additional Tags: slow burn boyf riends, slow burn tree bros, AU, Gay, Lesbian, straight - Freeform, Musicals, Self-Harm, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Self-Esteem Issues, Self Confidence Issues, a lot of sadness, Eventual Happy Ending, eventual healthy sibling relationship, Drug Use, Recreational Drug Use, The Author Regrets Nothing, Concerts, My Chemical Romance References, Panic! at the Disco References, References to Depression, Twitter, Tumblr, tumblr heaven, mosh pit, Twenty one pilots references, twenty one pilots (mentioned) - Freeform, My Chemical Romance Concert, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotional Baggage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, weird timeline, This Is STUPID, seriously this timeline is weird, Pre-Split Panic! at the Disco, Pre-Split My Chemical Romance, Homophobic Language, Homophobic Slurs, Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Is a Bad Parent, Cythia tries, Mentions of Atheism, Anxiety, Seperation Anxiety, insecure, Psychological Trauma, Trauma, Fluff, Feelings, Denial of Feelings, anger issues, Therapy, Artist Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Emo, First Kiss, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Jared Kleinman Needs Love, Insecure Jared Kleinman, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Bisexual Jared Kleinman, Trans Jared Kleinman, Jared Kleinman Eats Bath Bombs, Jared Kleinman Angst, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Deserves Better, Connor Deserves Happiness, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Michael Mell Has Two Moms, Sad Michael, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Gay Michael Mell, Bisexual Veronica Sawyer, bisexual JD, Lesbian Alana Beck, Bisexual Zoe Murphy, Bathrooms, Romance, Suicide, suicide attemps, Suicide attemps (mentioned), crossover fic, Cuts, Cutting, transphobic language, Swearing

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2Cvo3l1