#PAPA COTTA

[alintheshitposter]

"Aber jetzt bringe ich erstmal die Jungs nach Hause. Justus und Bob sehen so aus, als bräuchten sie dringend ein Abendessen, ein Bad und dann ein Bett."

— Inspektor Cotta in Die drei ??? und der Hexengarten (184)

[brokentrafficknight]

Jaune's Resolute Departure

[howlingday]

Papa Arc: Hey, boy. See that full grown woman over there? That's going to be your wife.

Jaune: What, my sister's widow?

Papa Arc: Yes.

Jaune: ...You're a freakin' weirdo, man!

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Saphron: Dad, I'm a lesbian.

Papa Arc: *Not looking up from the newspaper* Okay Honey, whatever makes you happy

Saphron: ... Is that all?

Papa Arc: ... *lowering his newspaper* Uh ... I'm happy ya trust me enough to tell me?

Saphron: That's it?

Papa Arc: ... Should there be more? Because, Like, I've know. Yer Mama's still hopin' fer grandkids. Be prepared to find a donor, or to try adoption.

Saphron: ... Okay? Thanks?

~~~~~

Saphron: Mom, I'm lesbian!

Mama Arc: ... *in the most "sad wet cat" tone imaginable* Grandbabies?

[kamen20ghost]

Arc family shenanigans 2

Part1 

Jaune and papa arc are siting at table as jaune to mess with his sister change his name in her scroll to burrito bell as she with her girlfriend Terra.

Jaune: Alright what should we say first?

Papa arc: Just say.”What are you doing?”

Jaune:*Texted what are you doing to his sister.* We sent it.

In the other room Terra saw the text and was a bit mad

Terra: Why the hell is burrito Bell asking you what are you doing?

Saphron: *Confused* I don’t know who this is. It’s just a scam.

Jaune: *Both he and his dad are chuckling as he starts to write the second text.* Did you send your girl home yet? I’ve been waiting all day to see you.*Hits send*

Papa arc: *Laughing and trying to keep it from getting to loud.*

Terra: What the fuck Saphron? who is this bitch? Is this what your midnight crunchwrap are?

Saphron: No! I don’t know who this is. It’s just a misunderstanding I don’t know!

Jaune and papa arc are chuckling and giggling as the couple argue.

Jaune: *Writing the third text.* Why do you still talk to her last week? You said you were getting rid of her. *Hits send*

The boys watch as Terra angerly walks to the front door as Saphron follows.

Terra: You know what. Why don’t you go Hang out with burrito bell and get a crunchwrap. *Makes her way to the door and opens it only to close it as Saphron was moment away from her.*

Saphron: Are you being serious like you’re actually upset over this? It’s a scam or somet- * Gets door closed in front of her face as she looks over to her brother and dad laughing and sees a scroll in jaune’s hand.* Are you guys dead ass? Fuck you guys. *Walks off with a light smirk as she knew, she got Pranked.*

Papa arc: What it’s not like it’s McSchnee’s.

[reashot]

How Jaune introduces his Girlfriend (And Ruby) to his family...

Jaune: Everyone I want to introduce to you my girlfriend. Pyrrha Nikos.

Mama Arc: The champion Pyrrha Nikos herself?! (But I shipped Lancaster.)

Papa Arc: Atta boy, Son. I knew you had it in you to bring a proper bride to the Arc family... You are thinking of getting married to her, right?

Rouge: Excellent choice for a woman little brother. If you don't mind I'm looking forward to cross blade with the Champion herself.

Saphron: Isn't she the cereal lady?

Violetta: No! No! No! I refuse to accept this red haired hussy as my brother's girlfriend!

Pyrrha: Hello there. Nice to meet everyone. I am Jaune's girlfriend Pyrrha Nikos and yes I am also the cereal lady.

Jaune: Mom, dad. Everyone. I know you all may have your opinion on Pyrrha. But I want you to know that I love Pyrrha very dearly.

Violetta: Wait who is the dumb looking girl behind you two?

Ruby: Hi. My name is Ruby. Don't mind me, I'm just tagging along.

Jaune: Oh almost forgot. This is Ruby she's a friend. In fact I wanted her to be here. Because I can't imagine doing something so important without her support. She's a good friend. No great in fact, She's not only a great friend, but she's also great at fighting Grimm's, she's great at gaming and she's very cute. I mean she's so cute that I want to tell everyone how cute she is. I like seeing her cute little smile, I like seeing how cute she is everytime she's trying her best. And I like how beautiful she is when she never gives up... I mean, not as beautiful as Pyrrha of course. The point is that she is important to me. And I love her for being my friend.

Ruby: Ohhh Jaune~ *hugs him*

Everyone watching:

Some times later

Jaune: What do you mean you want me to stop seeing Ruby?!

[lord-of-rain]

Ruby vs. Mama Arc pt. 1

#You have one new message#

"Hey mom..."

Jaune's voice filtered through the speaker, his face came into focus on the screen.

"So uh good news... We won, I didn't think I'd make it this far but I guess I'll be coming home after al-"

Jaune was cut off when someone tugged his arm from off-screen.

"Come on, Vomit Boy~ let's get to bed~"

The camera jerked to the side revealing a girl in a corset tugging on his arm, smiling suggestively. The camera snapped back to a blushing Jaune.

"Haha okay, Rubes! Uh, I might bring a girl home too, love you, bye!"

Tears rolled down Mrs. Arc's face as her son awkwardly ended the message, she tried with every scrap of willpower not to break down sobbing.

"Iris, what's wrong?"

Her husband asked rubbing her shoulders.

"Our baby boy."

He voice was faint

"He's been seduced by some... some... Hussy!"

Iris cried out as she imagined what weird kinky stuff that goth floozy was doing to her sweet little prince.

"There's only one thing I can do."

Mama Arc said menacingly.

"Please don't threaten her with the Billhook."

Papa Arc pleaded, suddenly his wife turned on her heel.

"That's a great idea, honey! I'll get my old Billhook to scare off that Bimbo!"

Iris strode out of the room her heels barely touching the ground, her husband looked over to Saphron and her son who looked up at his mother.

"Mama, what's a bimbo?"

Saphron nearly spat out her coffee.

"Ack! Uhh, It doesn't mean anything, but you're gonna see Uncle Jaune soon!"

Saphron obfuscated.

Adrian gasped in excitement, Terra breathed some things never changed and she did not envy Jaune's girlfriend.

[juanarc-thethird]

The Arc Family 12

Saphron: I have great news. I have a girlfriend!

Mama Arc: *Happy* Oh my Oum! My baby has a girlfriend!

Papa Arc: *Happy* Good for you, Saphron.

Little Jaune: Good job, sis. I told you looks don't matter.

Mama Arc: *Gasp* Jaune!

Papa Arc: *burst out laughing* Oh my Oum!

Saphron: You little shit!

Mama Arc: Saphron!

Saphron then runs towards Jaune to strangle him.

Little Jaune: *Runs away* AAH! The orangutan wants to kill me!

Saphron: Come here asshole!!

Mama Arc: You two, stop it! Nicholas say something!

Papa Arc: *crying from laughter* Kids, listen to your mom. *Chuckels*

[superiorsturgeon]

Papa Arc: *trying to instill fatherly knowledge* Remember kids, you should always strive to be like the ones you admire!

Little Jaune/Little Saphron: *watching The Dragon Prince on tv*

Amaya: *kicking ass while mute*

Little Jaune/Little Saphron: 🤩

Little Jaune/Little Saphron: 🤔

Years later…

Jaune: *Wears armor in combat and wields shield/sword combo*

Saphron: *makes out with a dark-skinned woman*

Papa Arc: Close enough!

[verydeadaten]

Pyrrha was visiting Jaune’s house over break. Jaune and his mom were cooking dinner, while having a heated argument.

Jaune: *arguing in french*

Mama Arc: *also arguing in french*

Pyrrha: Errrr, does this usually happen?

Arc Sisters + Papa Arc: Yes.

Pyrrha: Really?

Arc Sister 1: Yeah. Mom and Jaune are both really into cooking.

Arc Sister 4: They always argue about food. But only when they’re cooking it together.

Arc Sister 3: It’s always about minute things, like spices or how they cut things.

Pyrrha: *watching Jaune furiously pointing at his mother’s carrots while yelling*

Pyrrha: Huh. *thinking* Is it wrong I find this kinda hot?

Papa Arc: It’d be even worse if Saphron was here. I’m pretty sure they would destroy the kitchen.

Pyrrha: Really?

Arc Sister 2: I’m pretty sure Saph would kill someone for getting the wrong spices.

Meanwhile, in Argus...

Saphron: *looking through the fridge* Terra?

Terra: *playing with Adrian* Yes Saphron?

Saphron: Could you come here for a second?

Terra: What’s wrong?

Saphron: Where are the onions?

Terra: *playing dumb* Whatever do you mean?

Saphron: I told you to get onions from the supermarket today for the onion soup I was going to make.

Terra: I guess I forgot. Well, you could just make soup some other day.

Saphron sighs, then walks up to Terra and leans into her ear.

Saphron: I’m using the paddle tonight.

Terra: *shivers in excitement*

[alintheshitposter]

Badween ist Goodweens böser Zwilling 😌 zusammen mit seinem Kollegen Inspektor Panna

Ich bin also nicht die einzige, die bei "Cotta" immer an Panna Cotta denken muss😁😂😂

[jboy44]

Papa wolf arc.

Obleck " okay class I know arc is late but we are waiting for he has a good reason."

Weiss " whats that?"

Obleck " most of his family got killed by grimm. Only surviver was his son adrian

Everyone who knows jaune " O-O what?"

Obleck " oh you see his sister and her wife wanted a baby so his bug sister said, little bro go put a baby in my wife and he did"

Cardin " that dirty dog

Obleck growls " as ge is a wolf faunus that's racist"

Blake and velvet "BUT HE HAS NO TRAIT!!!!??"

Obleck " yes he does but leave his wee wee out of this

Girls who know jaune " o///o..what?

Jaune walks in holding adrian who has happy wagging puppy tail. " this is Adrian"

Adrian tail wag and he make happy mix of cheerfull baby and happy puppy sounds " bark" his leg kicks as jaune rubs his tummy

All women in rooms maternal instincts have activated

[howlingday]

Goodnight, Father

"Jaune, are you in here?"

"Over here, Weiss!" Jaune waved next to his team. Some would say he was taking advantage of his girlfriend's hospitality in using her family's ballroom for dance practice. However, those close to the couple would know better and that the room had been unused since it's reconstruction, save for the occasional charity dinners that were held once in a complete moon. "Take five, guys."

Oscar and Nora collapsed to the floor, both panting and groaning from their stretched limbs and aching lungs. Nora wasn't used to the former while Oscar was unaccustomed to the latter. Ren rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

"What's up?" Jaune asked, wide toothy shark grin on his face.

"It's a letter from your mother."

"Mom?" Jaune took the letter. Sure enough, his mother's name and address were written hastily on the outside of the letter. Slipping his finger under the sealed flap, he made a tear in the paper. Digging in, he hooked and tore more and more of the envelope until it was open.

"You do know we have a letter opener, right?" Weiss said with a hand on her hip. The smile that accompanied it fell as she noticed Jaune didn't have a response. He pulled the contents free and opened the folded message. Then Jaune made for the door. "Jaune?!"

She picked up the letter unceremoniously dropped to the floor and read the words meant for Jaune. She gave a small gasp, matching the small message delivered to Jaune.

'COME HOME'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaune didn't buy a boat ticket. Heck, he didn't even pay for a cab! The clothes he wore to arrive at his home in Ansel were the same as when he left New Atlas three days ago. He ran across three continents and swam through both the icy and temperate seas that surrounded them just to reach home. How he wasn't dead could be attributed to his aura, but no one could really explain.

The only surprising thing that happened was when he found his team, and his girlfriend, waiting inside his home. In his panic, he forgot that air travel, as much as he hated it, was the fastest and safest way to get from point A to point B. Still, he arrived, soaking wet from sweat, rain, and sea, right into his mother's arms.

"And you haven't seen him since?"

"No." His mother poured another cup of coffee for him. He hated the stuff growing up, but he's since relied on it after his departure for Beacon. "No message. No mention. Nothin'. It's not like your father to just leave like this."

Jaune furrowed his brow. It's true that his dad wasn't the kind of guy to keep secrets. If he didn't like you, he told you to your face. In fact, he told Jaune it was a stupid idea to leave for Beacon on a whim. Still, his father loved him and supported his choice. He even said he hoped Jaune did it sooner, at least so he could get some training in.

'Ancestors'd be proud either way.' His father shrugged.

Jaune sipped his coffee. "Hey, Mom?"

"Yes, Jaune?"

"Was Dad... dying?"

The room got really quiet. Nora and Weiss, who were playing with Adrian, stared at him. Ren looked around and noticed the rest of the family wasn't looking in Jaune's direction. Oscar excused himself and stepped outside.

"He was, wasn't he?"

His mother nodded. "Said it was something in his blood. He said it got harder for him to sleep."

"And... he didn't tell me?"

She shook her head. "You deserved to know. I've been wanting to tell you for a while, but he said it wasn't something for you to worry about."

Jaune gripped his mug a little tighter. "Somebody should've told me."

"You're right." Saphron said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "The CCT network is still being worked on, but letters can obviously still be sent. Seven sisters and nobody could tell you."

"Why?" Jaune stood up suddenly, surprising his sister. "Because it's okay for everyone else but Jaune the crybaby to know? Because he'd just cry his little eyes out over every little thing?!"

"Hey, I wanted to tell you-!"

"Enough, both of you!" Their mother yelled. She sighed and pressed a hand to her face. "Twenty years and I'm still breaking up fights." She sniffled. "Oh, ancestors, don't make me do this alone..."

Suddenly, Jaune felt like punching himself. Since he came back home- heck, even before that -he was thinking only about himself. He gritted his sharp teeth, flaring his nostrils as he looked away. Years later and Jaune was still a spoiled brat, on the verge of tears because he wasn't getting what he wanted. His mind began to fill with memories of his lifetime in the Ever After, far away from home, like he'd always-

A hand touched his. It was a delicate and soft hand, one with slender fingers that were guided by a tender heart. He looked up and saw the worried look of his love, Weiss. His self-loathing began to fade as he looked into her eyes, entranced by the icy blue that belied a warm and caring soul.

Another hand rested on his shoulder, belonging to his brother, Ren. Attached to him and looking with a smile, trying to cheer him up, was his sister-in-arms, Nora. Entering the room, offering a weaker smile was his friend, Oscar. In his gloved hand, he held a small bit of foliage.

"I... think I found something." He offered.

"Alright," Jaune gave a smile and nodded, "we've got a mission, guys. I know it's late and you all want to go to bed, but I'm not going to let this one get away. We're not getting paid more than room and board, but if you'll help me, I'd really appreciate it. Are you with me?"

"You got it~!" Nora cheered.

"To the end and back." Ren nodded.

"Wherever, whenever!" Oscar agreed.

"I'm not exactly part of this team," Weiss patted Jaune's arm, "but you still helped mine all the same. I'm with you for as long as you'll have me."

Jaune smiled at his team. Looking to Oscar, he nodded. "Where'd you find that grass, Oscar?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a long walk through the rain for Jaune and his team. The winds blew in their face, pelting rain hard enough to soak through their ponchos. Following the clues left behind, they picked up on a trail leading through the nearby woods, over a stream shifting to become a river, before finally reaching an enclosure, and beheld the beautiful sight before them.

As if untouched by the storm, a blue lake rested undisturbed in the midst of the raging storm outside of the treeline. There was enough light for them to see, despite being so close to midnight in the midst of a huge thunderstorm. Jaune crept low and touched the water with his finger, bringing it to his lips.

"Salt."

"What?" Nora asked. "Are you that hungry?"

"No, it's saltwater." Jaune said, taking his poncho off.

Taking a deep breath, he plunged his head beneath the surface. His eyes adjusted to the change in light and nearly bulged at what he saw. The lake, despite its size, was much deeper than he'd ever expected. He couldn't even see the bottom. More surprising to him, though, was what lined the walls of the lakebed.

Swords. Shields. Axes. Crossbows. All white with gilded trim, each embedded into the muddy walls of the undersea cliffs. Pulling his head up, he shook his head. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"It's..."

"A graveyard." Jaune whirled to see a man, well-aged beyond his years (even by Ever After standards), with a thick, white beard and eyes as blue as the ocean itself. He held himself upright with an alabaster cane with gilded trim, much like Crocea Mors and the weapons located underwater. "It's the Arc Graveyard, Jaune."

"Dad..." Jaune stood to his feet. Meeting his father for the first time in what could have been years, he saw how tall the man really stood compared to his progeny. At his full height, he was six foot even. Now, hunched over, he was just a few inches shorter than that, and even shorter than Jaune. Still, the gaze he held was something Jaune was all too familiar with.

Oh, sure, there was love in his father's eyes, for despite their tiffs now and again, Jaune was raised and taught by a man who did his best to teach him everything he could. Did he succeed? Jaune felt like he did, since he was still alive, and happy, and had found love with a beautiful and wonderful woman in Weiss. None of this would have happened if not for the man in front of him.

"You've come a long way, Jaune." The old man smirked. "And you reek, too. Did you bathe before coming here?"

"Technically." Jaune chuckled. "To be honest, the last time I had a bath, or even slept, was about three days ago."

"Stinky." Jaune's father chuckled. He then coughed, making Jaune drop his smile. "Your nephew loves that word. Giggles every time he hears it."

"Dad..."

"Jaune, you are my one and only son, so I know you feel like you have this idea of what you're supposed to be. Like you're supposed to be some kind of big, damn hero with forty wives and a hundred kids. And as cliche as it may sound, I never wanted you to have such an extravagant lifestyle. Or, at least, I didn't want you to feel like you had to. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and ready to be the man you had to be when someone tried to take away your happiness. And my son," a wide, toothy shark grin spread across the man's wrinkled face, "you are that happy man."

Jaune swept the man into a hug, tears pouring from his eyes as he heaved sobs into the man's shoulder. The man chuckled and wept a few tears of his own. Off to the side, watching the spectacle, the rest of group were each weeping along with the men. Finally, however, the time came for Jaune and his father to part.

"It's time, Jaune." Slipping into the water, the eldest Arc swam a few feet to the center. From there, he dove beneath the surface. Bubbles came up as he dove deeper. His shadow disappeared a few yards down. Jaune stood on the shoreline, watching, waiting, hoping that this was some elaborate hoax, as if to play a cruel trick on him. But nothing came up.

"Goodbye, Dad."

---------------------------------------------------

Fun Fact! In 2022, scientists discovered a "shark graveyard". At first, as they dragged nets across the ocean floor, they thought what they pulled up were just rocks when, actually, what they were pulling up were shark teeth. HUNDREDS of shark teeth, including recent sharks like Great Whites and more ancient sharks like, yup, MEGALODON! Since sharks are cartilaginous, only their teeth are tough enough to make it through decomposition, while the rest is consumed by scavenging wildlife.

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Jaune: Look, Breakfast Sausage links are S-tier, but Sausage Patties are B-tier.

Olivia: They're the same thing!

Saphron: They are not The same thing! You wouldn't put Rotini above Farfelle! That's just sacrilege!

Jaune: Gods, you might as well say that mashed potatoes are the same as Potatoes O'Brian

Olivia: Patties and links taste the same! All pasta has the same mouth feel!

Saphron: It's a texture thing, and the way Sauce clings to the pasta!

Olivia: I don't care about it!

Jaune: Just say your favorite pasta is Penne Lisce!

Olivia: IT'S ALL THE SAME, SO YEAH IT IS! TIED WITH EVERYTHING ELSE!

Papa Arc: Olivia, you're excommunicated from the family. I'm gonna need your Gun and Your Badge.

[notmaplemable]

When Jauney Comes Marching Home

Papa Arc: ...

Mama Arc: ...It's just not the same without Jaune here.

Garnet: Yeah.

Saphron: He did always make things more festive.

Kelly: But we'll be happy when Jauney comes marching home again.

Mama Arc: We'll give him a hearty welcome then.

Papa Arc: The men will cheer.

Garnet: The boys will shout.

Saphron: The ladies they will all turn out.

Terra: And we'll all feel gay when Jauney comes marching home.

Kelly: I thought it was "We'll all feel glad"?

Terra: There's different versions.

Note: I apologize for nothing.

[rwac96]

Savage Pyrrha- When she meets Jaune's family she wanted things to be normal. But when they make jokes about her being way above Jaune's level... that is when she doesn't give a fuck. She praises Jaune of how good he is in spite of his parent's lack in support. And then proceeds to tell them that she is going to ride him all night long tonight until she is pregnant with his child. She will make them regret making jokes on Jaune's expense.

Pyrrha thought things would be normal, at least that's what she thought. Though, Jaune's comments on his sisters 'placing him in dresses' should've been signs she should've taken. She already listened to Weiss putting down her leader and lover over and over again, she could mistake his sisters for making jokes about him being the usual sibling squabbles. But listening to his own parents' lack of faith in their only son was the last straw for the Mistrial Champion. When his mother said that she could 'do so much better', her savage side was let out.

"Will you utter jackasses SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" Pyrrha hollered at the top of her lungs, causing nine pairs of eyes to stare at her in shock. "Is this all you people do, put him down?!"

"It's...it's just a joke," one of the blonde twin Arc girls said, ignoring the fact that The Pyrrha Nikos had shouted the 'F-Word' in their household.

"Jokes are something everyone can laugh at together," Pyrrha corrected the girl, "what you're doing is laughing at your only brother's expense, you dense twat!"

"Hey now!" Saphron Cotta Arc spoke up, as she covered baby Adrian's ears, "You can't just--!"

"Oh, me swearing? Yet you mocking your brother around your nephew is expert fucking parenting," she rolled her emerald eyes. "Jaune worked his ass off to get where he is now! He nearly got fucking killed, he got harassed by four douchebags, and don't get me started on that twig of an heiress!"

"You mean Weiss--?" Terra spoke up, but her wife quickly placed a hand over her lips.

"He kept going, and I helped him to get better, academically, as a leader, and as a fighter!" Pyrrha stands up, grabbing hold of her lover's wrist. "While you jackasses think about that shit, I'll be upstairs in Jaune's childhood room and riding his big thick cock all night long!!"

"I...I don't think that's appropriate," Papa Arc began to speak but was met with the Champion's unamused glare.

"Says the man with eight kids!" She walks toward the stairs with Jaune in tow, "Oh, and expect another grandchild, Mr. & Mrs. Arc."