#Or even making my tumblr blog

[maudlin-scribbler]

Maybe I'll stop talking about my shitty life and family for a while. Or maybe tag those posts as something so ppl can block the tag.

I dunno, I dont want ppl to worry about me because I basically treat tumblr as my journal and love to complain about stuff and yeah, my life has been basically a trainwreck but it's alright, it's my trainwreck and I've learned to deal with it at this point (making my peace with it, on the other hand, I haven't truly done that yet).

I post about it mostly to confirm that I am not the insane one, that maybe some things in my life that are outside of my control do suck. I have a myriad stories of my family being downright terrible to me, and I'd probably have more if I didn't have such a shitty memory (which I am guessing, is partly bcs for reasons I am repressing some of those memories), and as much as I wanna share these stuff, I probably won't. And a lot of the stuff I share doesn't really hurt me that much anymore, because most of them happened when I was younger (if something just happened I'll specify so).

So like, yeah I am alright. If I wasn't, I do have ppl to sorta talk to, so it's cool. And yeah, my parents do suck :D but it is what it is, at least they do take care of me in some ways.

(Sometimes I do post shitty things that happen to me because I have a tendency to repress my memories or forget a lot of stuff about certain events so i guess it's also sort of a way to document these events so I know that they happened)

[deeneedsaname]

Is this anything

[14dayswithyou]

[30 May 2022] unfortunately for me i am obsessed with ren and i keep checking this CC for new content like my life depends on it 💀 do you have a spare hc (nsfw or sfw) about the lil guy himself, i wish to know more about the he

"unfortunately for me" JKASFJAKSFASJLASG PLEASE 💀💀💀 I’ll try to be more consistent with posting more CC content then!! (But you can also find more Ren crumbs on my Twitter and/or Tumblr -- both are @14DaysWithYou -- the people there are so talented T_T <3)

SFW: - He hates the smell of fire/smoke and actively tries to avoid it whenever possible. It's also another reason why he never wants to try smoking - The very first time he rented out one of your recommended books, Ren spent the entire night overanalysing it and ended up with a 39 page essay and eyebags the next morning - This is more of an easter egg, but the clips in his hair resemble the roman numerals for 14 (Days With You) - The necklace he wears is actually a ring he tried to give to his crush, but found it abandoned at the playground 👀

NSFW: - He's too embarrassed to ask, but Ren often fantasizes about having you sit in his lap and cockwarm him while he's hacking away on his laptop - He has an unhealthy amount of lewd photos of you on his phone (and his wall), as well as a dakimakura that resembles you - Don't ask why some of the shelves in the secluded parts of the library are sticky :/

[front-facing-pokemon]

[mercymornsimpathizer]

per request of (checks notes) two people….the premises of my interpretation of the plot of gideon the ninth vis a vis cytherea and john are as follows:

i. the actions taken by cytherea and john are not consistent with their stated motivations

ii. this is on purpose

iii. we can work backwards from these characters' actions to determine their real motivations

because i am a funny poster and because i love my followers i will explain further under a readmore. abandon all sanity ye who enter here etc.

why canaan house: john and john's motivations

while john does not appear "on screen" in gideon the ninth, his actions set the plot into motion and shape the conflicts the arise. (1)he sends letters to the scions of each house, requesting that they come to canaan house with their cavaliers and no one else. he does not request the leaders of each house, or the best necromancers of each house, or the most experienced. (2)he does not provide information of what the lyctorhood trials will entail, either in the initial letters or upon arrival at canaan house. (3)during the creation of the first lyctors, he did not inform anyone that the death of the cavalier is not necessary, and (4)he interfered in the ascension of anastasia/samael, (5) the pair who spent the longest studying the lyctorhood process and (6)who we can presume were closest to achieving "true lyctorhood," which we can presume is (7)more powerful than "normal lyctorhood" and (8)does not kill the cavalier.

(9)the stated purpose of the events at canaan house is to create new lyctors to replace those that have (really or apparently) died to the resurrection beasts. (10)john further states that he did not intend for any unwanted deaths; (11)that he intended for the necromancers and cavaliers to enter into lyctorhood willingly; and (12)that, if the necromancers and cavaliers decided not to enter into lyctorhood, he intended that they should have been allowed to leave peacefully. (13)we can presume he also intends that any new lyctors created would be loyal to him, or at least not a threat to him.

are these actions consistent for these motivations? in my correct opinion, they are not. the secrecy of what the lyctorhood trials entail and the choice of very young, competitive people as postulants do not lend themselves well to the postulants making wise, well-informed choices. if john wanted the postulants to enter into lyctorhood willingly, and leave peacefully if not, he could have informed them of what the trials and lyctorhood entail, encouraged cooperation between the houses, and stated explicitly that they could leave at any time.

one way to interpret this mismatch is that john was careless or negligent in how he set up the trials, which is possible but not consistent with his characterization otherwise. another interpretation is that john was not sincere in stated motivations 10-12, and that he rather set things up as he did to create uniquely easy to manipulate per 13, which both makes sense and is in character but is not consistent with his other actions.

why canaan house 2: cytherea and cytherea's motivations

while john shapes much of the plot of gideon the ninth, cytherea as the primary antagonist drives the plot more directly. (14)she kills dulcinea and adopts her identity to pose as a postulant in the lyctor trials, and she poorly reanimated protesilaus's corpse. (15)she presumably is responsible for disposing of the transports, stranding the postulants at canaan house.  (16)she kills first the fifth house and the fourth house. (17) she prompts the ninth to complete the avulsion trial. (18)she attacks gideon, harrow, and camilla after being confronted by palamedes, but (19)repeatedly offers to spare gideon. (20)throughout her murder spree, she writes on the walls, questioning or criticizing  john for the events of her own ascension. (21)she did not participate in dios apate and is not mentioned by mercymorn or augustine as being party to their conspiracy to kill john (i think...correct me if this is wrong!). (22) her identity is not revealed by teacher or the other constructs at canaan house, despite the fact that they presumably would recognize her. (23)she does not contact or encourage the other postulants to contact john or anyone else for help.

(24)cytherea states that her motivation is to sabotage the creation of new lyctors and (25)to draw john to the nine houses, putting himself and the nine house in danger from the resurrection beasts. (26)she strongly implies that this is in revenge for her cavalier or possibly all of the original cavaliers. (27)presumably, she also wants both to survive long enough to accomplish these aims, though (28)she does not seem to intend to survive for very long beyond the events at canaan house.

are these actions consistent with these motivations? again, in my correct opinion, they are not. she does not send a distress call to draw john to canaan house, and she does not encourage anyone else to do so. she kills jeannemary and magnus, even though killing isaac and abigail would prevent the fourth and fifth from ascending; while it could be argued that she would have had to kill magnus to protect her plan, but this isn't true of jeannemary's murder. she further lets other necro-cav pairs live, despite the fact this allows for the opportunity for them to ascend. her stated goals (24 and 25) could be well achieved by (a, for 25) killing (simply or gruesomely) all or most of the necromancers, while allowing the cavaliers to live, and/or (b, for 24) calling or encouraging someone else to call for help or otherwise alert someone that things have gone wrong; neither of these actions would contradict her other stated or implied motivations.

(as an aside: i think many people believe that cytherea killed the fifth first because she suspected they were likeliest to figure out her plan, which is possible but doesn't explain why she would kill the fourth next or why she wouldn't kill the sixth or third.)

one interpretation of this mismatch is that she planned sloppily or haphazardly. while this doesn't directly contradict anything we know about her, it doesn't make much sense to me -- i don't think anyone, let alone a very powerful and reasonably intelligent person, would half-ass a revenge/justice plot as their last hurrah, even if she did not have long to plan or if her plan changed upon realizing that gideon is john's daughter. another interpretation i've seen is that cytherea is simply sadistic and/or dramatic, and that her actions are motivated by a desire to make the postulants paranoid and afraid. i think this is on the right track, but doesn't itself explain everything she does (and the things she does not do).

why be perfect when you could be normal: the original lyctors and perfect lyctorhood

what is "perfect lyctorhood" and under what conditions does it occur? when i use the term "perfect lyctorhood," i'm referring to a situation where both the necromancer and the cavalier ascend to lyctorhood and share their newfound power; this is in contrast to what i'm calling "normal lyctorhood," wherein the necromancer kills and consumes the cavalier and uses them as a power source. in text, john and alecto are the only example we see of "true lyctorhood," while the other original lyctors (and ianthe) are "normal."

while the creation of the original lyctors is not thoroughly described in the text, we do know some details. it is strongly implied that (29)mercymorn and augustine, the first two lyctors, ascended under duress after their cavaliers forced their hands, presumably by killing themselves. much later, (30) anastasia and samael attempted to ascend after (5)spending a long time studying the process, but are (4)interrupted by john, who kills samael. (31)john states this he interfered because anastasia and samael had made a mistake. (32)at no point does john inform anyone that perfect lyctorhood is possible or that the cavaliers do not need to die.

i think it's reasonable to conclude that (33)very skilled necromancers, with strong bonds of mutual respect with their cavaliers, given the right resources (i.e. the trials at canaan house, or something equivalent, and sufficient time) could achieve perfect lyctorhood, or at least come close to it. (34)fear, pressure, and devaluation of the lives of cavaliers, on the other hand, push necromancers towards normal lyctorhood.

i think it's also reasonable to conclude that, in line with (13)his motivation to maintain power over the lyctors, john does not want perfect lyctors to be created, and that (4)his interference in the ascension of anastasia and samael was not because (31)they made a mistake but rather (35)to prevent them from achieving power that would rival his own.

connecting the red string

if john and cytherea's actions are not sufficiently explained by their stated motivations (or of them the motivations commonly attributed to them by fans), what motivations would explain their actions? because john (by asking for young people as postulants, and by being secretive about the lyctoral process, and by not stating that postulants could leave) and cytherea (by killing people, and by preventing people from leaving, and by generally encouraging competition and paranoia among the postulants) both created an environment of fear and pressure at canaan house, and because cytherea (by letting both necromancers and cavaliers live in other cases) john (by not providing a deadline, and by not forbidding or obscuring parts of the trials, and by not directly or indirectly supervising the trials) otherwise do nothing to prevent to an outcome that they does not want, i think we can draw the following conclusion: john and cytherea are both attempting to ensure that normal lyctors, and only normal lyctors, are created at canaan house.

in other words, i think john tasked cytherea with going to canaan house to put pressure on the postulants to ascend quickly and to prevent them from leaving alive if they were likely to not ascend. i think he did this because he did not want the postulants to become perfect lyctors, and because he did not want the secrets of lyctorhood to be known to the nine houses in general, and because he did not want to take responsibility for the deaths. i think cytherea likely did want revenge against john, and likely did not want to live beyond canaan house, but did not want to kill john; rather i think she wanted to be killed by john or by one of the new lyctors.

i think that tamsyn muir is a talented writer who has demonstrated an ability to create twisty, multi-layered plots where characters are often working on incorrect or incomplete information and where characters are often not forthcoming or are dishonest about their actions and motivations, and that therefore the mismatch between characters' actions and stated motivations are intentional. i think my conclusion sufficiently explains the actions taken (and not taken) by both cytherea and john in the gideon the ninth, and while it contradicts their stated motivations, i do not think it contradicts any of their actions or any of their demonstrated motivations. moreover i think it is consistent with their characterization in general: cytherea is dramatic and emotionally distraught over her own ascension, but she is not part of the plot against john, and she encourages gideon in her role as cavalier; john is very smart, and has few compunctions about doing horrible things to children (especially to maintain his own power), but does not want to be blamed for the things he does, and so often outsources the dirty work to his followers.

[blueteller]

All hail Mhuyo, they have the best meme formats ever

[stargirl230]

all blue 🌊

I finally watched opla so here’s my take on that one pic of sanji (mugshot?? lol) that everyone keeps drawing

(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)

[oscargender]

Heartbreaking: “problematic” danmei everyone told you to avoid is actually pretty decent and has mildly interesting things to say about poverty and class

[huellitaa]

studying bcuz i might be a loser but at least i'm really pretty and well educated

[myokk]

Hi everyone!!!

This is just something small, but I am REALLY paranoid about this and I just realized that what I feared was the case IS ACTUALLY TRUE😅😫

THIS IS A SIDEBLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT good with technology and the last time I used tumblr before this April was 2017 (it changed a lot😳). I genuinely thought I was making a NEW blog, but unfortunately all likes and follows come from my old blog @oerflink 😭😭😭😭😭 that blog is only for like reblogging fashion history plus whatever I want…tbh if I could find a way to switch main/sideblog I would!! Myokk is just to post my little sketches and yap about Eloise and Hogwarts legacy💓💓

But the part that genuinely makes me sad is that all of you show up as MUTUALS on my side of things and I JUST realized that it only shows up like that for me😭😭😭 I’m pretty shy so at first I only started commenting once we’re mutuals…but now I realize that was one sided bahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. I try to comment a lot bc a) I LOVE talking to all of you about your characters etc & b) so you would know. But I genuinely thought it showed up as we are mutuals bc that’s how it is for me🥹💓🙏

Anyways hope you all have a good day😙😙😙😙😙😙😙

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

he’s so endearing to me you don’t even understand

🩵

[sabo-torao]

THE NEW GAKUEN CHAPTER JUST DROPPED AND IT CONFIRMED THAT SABO TALKED ABOUT LAW AND ONIGIRI WITH LUFFY BC ACE REALIZES ONIGIRI IS LAW'S BY REMEMBERING THEIR CONVERSATION.

SABOLAW NATION... WE FINALLY GOT SOME CRUMBS AFTER YEARS OF NOTHING. IM OBVIOUSLY FREAKING TF OUT

[shinesurge]

are people like Aware that christianity considers basically all forms of fantasy to be inherently evil, is that common knowledge or is that more lore i am only privy to because of the pentecostal cult shit lmao

edit because i love kicking beehives and I do not want any misunderstandings of my position going on here: "lore i am only privy to" doesn't mean the lore doesn't exist for every kind of christian, we're all reading the same book aren't we. the pentecostal flavor of christianity being more obviously a textbook cult does not mean the more lukewarm versions of this belief system aren't also inherently damaging to the human psyche, mine was just more up front about it lol

[hms-incorrect-quotes]

Due to this being the strike week for Palestine, I wont be posting any quotes for the whole week & instead reblogging any helpful posts that support Palestine that I see. [This includes the Headcanons blog as well.]

Please help out in anyway you can!!! Even if you cant donate, spread the word. A free easy thing you can do daily is even to just click a button.

Twitter seemed more active and posted more information & aid last time so please look there as well!

[rollercoasterwords]

yeah u can put "i hate jkr" and "fuck terfs" in ur tumblr bio but. can u listen + reflect when a trans woman criticizes hp fandom without immediately getting defensive.....

[front-facing-pokemon]