#Open Locked Safe

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[dumbfucksystem]

thinking about mafia shen family au. the system is fucking around with shen qingqius life again and is like yk what if ur not gonna tell your husband anything about yourself then ill force you to. have fun! :D

sqq doesn’t even have the time to think 'wtfff??' before Everything Happens. shen yuan’s soul gets shoved back into his original body just moments before he dies. in this version of the au he was choking on food, so he gets the lovely experience of having his airflow blocked again! lucky for him, the system dragged binghe along for the ride so he is saved before he dies again.

this route for mafia au means that the shen family never had to grieve shen yuan. im not sure how the Family reacts to their a-yuan suddenly having a very strong and intimidating significant other (boyfriend? husband?!??? wdym he got married without telling us!?!?) all of a sudden. does shen yuan come out to his family?? no, but also yes, but also not really. they knew he wasn't straight this entire time, so its more like they are coming out to him instead of the other way around. god knows they have bigger skeletons in their closets, they don't care if a twink is in there too.

there is less angst here, and it mostly centers around the comedic factor of shen yuan showing binghe around his house only for them to "stumble upon" an entire closet filled with guns..!?! shen yuan is just standing there in complete horror as binghe grabs a whole ass ar-15!?!?? hes looking at him with the most innocent eyes asking him what this strange metal object is. jesus fucking christ. his white lotus is holding a gun and now he has to explain gun control policies while his brain is leaking out of his ears. he opens his mouth right before an alarm starts blaring everywhere. he’s saved by the bell! except not really, because now six members of his Family are surrounding them and pointing several guns at binghe!!!!! what the actual fuck is going on here!!!!!! this is not how the 'meet the parents' arc is supposed to go!!

[tinfoil-jones]

Tate Pines AU: Teach 'Em Young

Stan: I'm really sorry about this Ford, but Tate got into one of your safes.

Ford: I must have accidentally left one open.

Stan: No, you didn't.

Ford: How else would he-.

Stan: He broke into it.

Ford: You're trying to tell me Tatum broke into my maximum security safe that has three contingency locks, two-factor authentication, and a protective charm?

Stan: Yes.

Ford: Stanley, he's 5 years old.

Stan: So? He was only 18 months old the first time he cracked a safe.

[capyfan]

leshy: don't touch my stuff

challenger: touches stuff

leshy:

based on this lol

[chloecherrysip]

"C'mon, Luigi! Pump those legs!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying. I got bad knees!"

[dykedvonte]

No one ever mentions how on the QnA PE has a 30% cargo loss which?? That could mean only the order is broken but. It’s space the crew is also definitely dead so the Tulpar is just one lost ship in the many cases that PE just throws their hands up on. well you just can’t beat those prices!

This is exactly why it’s so frustrating when people ignore the way P.E’s negligence and lack of care/concern for their employees influences their decisions/behavior.

Like they don’t really care if 30% of their workers regularly go missing or get lost. You think they care if they had locks or adequate training? You think they left supplies on that ship to add them in case of emergency or conflicts? They don’t have adequate medical supplies and even on a regular trip the crew has rations, no abundance and implied very little extra and they STILL added an extra person. If we look at that early HR complaint info graphic they make it extremely difficult to file or make complaints, not to mention actively discouraging it with how many penalties are directly attached to having personal/co-worker conflicts.

They really only want employees there to work and little else. No real enrichment, no real privacy and no back up in case anyone gets hurts, hurts someone else or they get in trouble. I mean Curly really made a point in realizing that no one checks on the fucking nurse for evals! Was it too late? Yeah. But that is something the pony express needed to handle and require, not a Captain with no training or experience in their own medical course as Curly’s crew isn’t the only one who has likely faced these problems.

P.E. Is so oppressive and actively malicious to their employees I can’t fathom how they lasted so long without the literal Geneva convention coming for their ass with how many human rights violations they have.

[musictooth]

➜ How the person you chose reacts? 

[dogrocks]

my shit ass cat turned on the stove so now i have to sit outside for an hour

[defensive-tactics]

Never prop your hotel door open. You never know who might come in your room.

[air-mechanical]

Margo keeps her club 11:59 doomsday clock docking mechanism coaster on her desk long past the point where she can reasonably say, "It's a reminder of the geopolitical importance of joining our countries together in the neutral theater of unforgiving space."

It's her reminder of spending time with someone who's so in sync with her, someone who inspires her to better herself while never compromising her core values, that it makes her breath catch every time.

[esxvspy]

Noah is treading on such thin ice rn with the duffers but he gives zero fucks and I’m living for it tbh,

Real photo of the duffers before and after Noah just told everyone he had 3 scripts for season 5 LMAOOO

[stealchain]

hes mad bc hes baby proofed from going in the cabinets

[baeshijima]

i fucking hate this gane

throws up tears

[artemisbarnowl]

Every woman should be given a button when she's born and if she presses it her dad explodes. No exceptions.

[dykestache]

my gf said i look very mustache mommy in these

[magnusmodig]

||. thor misunderstanding earthen housing norms in the modern day is SO funny to me to think about. He's doing his best, but between being from another planet with far more advanced technology (and much more "archaic" culture customs) on top of also being a PRINCE, I would imagine some normal practices and understandings of things simply don't click with him more than others.... Not because he's not smart. Thor is incredibly intelligent. ONLY because of the huge culture divide. But... that said: the concept of having neighbors who own their own land right next to yours, but the plots of land are TINY ??? absolutely crazy to him. Why aren't the plots of land BIGGER? why don't more people utilize it to farm crops???

Also don't get him STARTED on the idea - or nature of - apartments.