#Only one of my other IRL friend | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aesopsbaby · 4 months

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The overwhelming urge to throw up and lock myself in my room because of tomorrow. I do not want the talk with HR tomorrow. I'm going to lose my job, and my grades that DEPEND on this job is going to cause me to fail

Fuck, why is this happening to me. I don't want this, I just want everything to go back to normal. I liked this job, I was doing well, my grades was fine.

Why the fuck did they suddenly say that I'm no longer fit for this?? I can't fuckkk I can't do this. I don't know how I'm going to go through tomorrow.

#I actually am not okay rn #Fml #I hate this sm #I feel so sick #I just want everything to be normal again #I'll delete all these soon once I feel better #Just have to get this off my chest cause I have no one else I can talk to about it #Only one of my other IRL friend #and shes trying her best to comfort me but she can't help me in other ways #And I feel so fucking bad to be a burden for her #I cant take this anymore

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bunnihearted · 11 days

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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me

#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can #even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for #but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it #but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot #even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to #or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human #and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have #if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person #but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless #maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean #it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it #and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things #but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me #that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor #and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know #i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness #and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk #talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo #and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else #even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get #in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao #anyway whatever 😔

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punkeropercyjackson · 4 months

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Most trans.phobic cis bisexual your side of existense:I just wanna really gay it up in a bisexual straight passing relathionship,y'know?Just me and my cis and genderconforming too boo🥰I love bi4bi m/f ships headcanons,don't really consider any other ones tbh!!

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aziraphales-lawyer · 3 months

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Literally no other way I could describe it right now.

#there are some serious feelings attached to all thats happening #im saddened. im mad. at the end of the day this is how i cope so im sorry if you dont feel like humor is your way out #im disappointed and digusted #personally #neil gaiman #is innocent until proven guilty and my heart goes out to the victims of this whole situation.#i know. i KNOW the right is gonna make it about trans rights and the left is gonna make this about zionism and how these results are #unsurprising due to him being 'either' of these (which im not going into)#because its NOT about those. its the disgusting behaviors he did w those women. consent or not he actively sought out rlly young women.#i hold out a tiny bit of hope but if all things go to shit I dont rlly have anything to fall back on in terms of fandom.#good omens got me through shit. it got me through hell and some my worst times ever.#ive made irreplaceable IRL friends #idk #just some feelings im putting out here. im still gonna 100% support all GO creators (unless they outright excuse NG's actions esp when hes #not yet proven innocent)#but yeah #i havent spoken about this in my other accs and I think this is the only coherent thought I can manage from all of that.#again. really upset. but we got this. were all in this together yk? theres no one side or another to SA but to support the victims.#thats all im rlly gonna say. just remember that Im sending uou guys lots of love. lets get through this <3 #[EDIT: I MEANT TO SAY NEIL IS GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT FOR ME !!!!]

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carpisuns · 1 year

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gaining a new interest/joining a new fandom is always kind of intimidating it feels like there’s so much you’ve missed out on by not enjoying this thing before so you’re like GRAHHHH got to catch up so I can have peak enjoyment like all the Enjoying This Thing experts around here! which is so silly bc if you enjoy a thing you’re already there but. yknow

#like when I got into hockey I was like studying all the rules and terms and players and team history and stuff #so I could be able to talk with other fans and understand everything #and like when I got into ml and owl house it was like ooh gotta binge watch all the eps #gotta see what the fandom vibes are and read the good kush fics and find a group of friends to brainrot with #and now w zelda it’s like #woof #there are so many games spanning decades!!! and I only have a switch so I can’t even play most of them lol #and the lore is fascinating but sometimes convoluted and confusing lol #bro the timeline. help #it’s just a lot of info and stuff to consume djdjdk #and im brainrotting so hard so part of me wants to find a loz discord server or soemthing l #but I feel like i would not be able to be on equal footing discussion wise bc I have only played a few of the games #it’s cool tho i have one irl friend who’s very excited abt me getting into her fav series haha #and I’m enjoying seeing people’s art and stuff #and making my little doodles #ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ <- me having a good little time being bad at gaming and obsessed with a tragic blond boy yet AGAIN #mine

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our-lesboy-experience · 3 months

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One of my many Lesboy experiences is having a oc that is actually just a queer happiness fantasy that uses she/it/him because you know for a fact most people would just she/her or at best he/him and never ever use it/its no matter what nor ever use the pronouns interchangeably.

it's so interesting to see the different ways people will avoid calling someone by specific pronouns. if you use it/its alongside she, he, or they people will always ever refer to you by one of those three depending on how they see you. if you're afab and use she/they people will only use she, but if you're afab and use he/they people will only use they. if people have the option to refer to you by your birth gender they will, but if not they'll settle for a "middle ground" by they/theming and avoiding using any gendered terms on you, even if you don't use those pronouns and would prefer gendered terms. it's weird

#every single one of my past friends would only use they on me never he #like the only time I've ever been referred to by he pronouns irl is by an adult queer person I met at a random event #people will “compromise” for a neutral gender because transitioning to be a man or a woman #is just too much for them. like they don't see you as your actual gender and don't want to see you go to the “other side”#literally oppositional sexism 101 #lesboy #our lesboy experience #lesbian #asks #tw transphobia #tw queerphobia

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pixelatedraindrops · 2 months

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Nurse Pixel: I'm going to examine you!

Kazin: ...Eh!?

Usually if friends of mine are not feeling well or are sick I send them my best wishes and they get better in the next few days. (or they tell me their symptoms and I get inspired by it somehow lol)

But with Kazin, I found out she's had bloating and stomachaches for almost a year multiple times a month and hasn’t gotten any better. She didn't seem to know what was wrong with her.

So I did a full examination. (aka asking questions and taking a guess from my knowledge)

My final diagnosis: She has IBS-C

...and yet she probably still won't resist the urges to fill herself with caffeine and junkfood... xD

(your funeral bestie haha i tried)

but yeah I doodled our lil’ sonas for funsies

I gave hers a coffee color scheme ☕

#my art #pixeldoodles #pixelsona #chibi art #anime art #doodle #yeah when I was talking to her about my stomachache fascination #and we were brainstorming ideas #the personal experiences she described began to concern me #so I tried to do some digging and this is just my opinion xD #i’m no medical expert just a friend giving advice~#and I’ll likely continue to monitor her health #they don’t call me nurse pixel for nothing~#actually only I call myself that haha #can’t do medical stuff irl so I like playing the role c:#but yeah before my questioning I drew this I found the idea cute #and I like to draw personas in color palettes idk why #makes it look different from my usual art ig #kazin doesn’t mind me sharing this xD and I think a lot of people struggle w ibs anyway ~#its pretty common nowadays but I’m glad I at least gave her a possible idea #its fun playing nurse for my friends ^^#just something different but it came out cute so I wanted to share #i didn’t like the other one before… xD

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californianedgeworth · 1 year

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youtube

since I have more aa fandom followers from the comic i posted maybe any of them would be interested in watching my 1-year-old objection.lol that's kinda cringe but funny enough that i thought it deserved more online traction haha jk...unless???

#ace attorney #objection.lol #narumitsu #wrightworth #it's not that cringe. it's a little cringe but it appeals to my sense of humor so i don't care that much #i had fun making it and i have fun rewatching it #and yet it only has 2 likes. it went unappreciated in its era of release #probably didn't help bcus it was my first yt video and also doesn't stand out among similar videos #my irl friends watched it but they didn't get it because they're not aa fans #if it amuses just one other person then i'm happy #my txtstuff #Youtube

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nyxi-pixie · 3 months

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I DONT WANNA BE THE OWNER OF YOUR FANTASY!!! I JUST WANNA BE A PART OF YOUR FAMILY!!!!!

#ME WHEN🥰🤩😘😍🥰😍🥰😍🤩😘😘🥰😍😍😍#i can never have irl friendships w/o them being tainted by my sexuality lolll #like it was fine when all of my friends were queer. that group was fucked for vastly different reasons #but like. straight men who KNOW that im a lesbian will start being friendly and im incredibly fucking lonely all the time so its like :) yay #and then EVERY TIME. it was only ever bc they wanted to fuck me.#and if i have one more fucking 'straight' girl tell me i turned her gay im going to blow something up #you dont even like me youve j had bad experiences w men and have a weird romanticised view of wlw relationships #and youve decided that i fit the bill of ur aesthetic shit bc you think all the other queer girls we know are ugly.#insane thing to say btw. 'oh im having a sexuality crisis over u bc ur the only hot lesbian ive ever met.' real love for the community there #anyway. this keeps happening and im so bored of it this is why im shit at irl friendships #nyxi cant stfu #vent post

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cali · 7 months

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idont understand forest its too complex for me my dads art is like 80% about forest but i can barely discern what i feel about it. these are from 2 different hikes.

onboth together i found 1 deer leg bone and 1 dead shrew and about 25 alive deer, running

#and usually the hikes are with my dad only but one of these was with my irl besr friend the other was with my dad AND mom #shes usually not in tje mood for hike

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ryssbelle · 7 months

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Had a 12 hour or so call with my friends and made some doodles of my fav moments

#my art #irl moments #i love my friends #comic #cartoon #all of these were made while we were on call #at one point all of us were streaming to each other #and only one of us was watching all the streams #i couldn't watch either cuz i was on my ipad and discord is fucky wucky #i know how to do split screen but again discord not cool #all of these will be given no context #they were so much fun tho #this was in early feb or late jan #the friend in the glasses was playing smite the whole time #and the one in the ponytail was switching between games she started with phasmaphobia then later moved onto sims #i cant remember if there were games in between #i was just drawing almost the whole time and streaming my art program #which is why thwy were yelling at me for my layer problem #and at some point i got tired and played gta then spiderman #at that point tho we were ALL tired #again that call lasted a long ass time #but i would do it again 1000 times cuz i love my friends #we actually had a 2 to 3 hour call today while once again playing 3 seperate games #or maybe it was 1 to 2 hours idk #anyway once again i love my friends and no i will not delete my 300 layers thank you very much

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manasurge · 3 months

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bleh

#blabbering #rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold #i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me #basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it #which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl #(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin #might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out #and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no #No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon #(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options #watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)

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wikiangela · 2 months

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#whether I make friends irl or online everyone always leaves #so what's the point in getting close to people at all #would love to have someone i can always talk to about anything even just my shows #especially since it takes me a while to get comfortable really talking to anyone and open up #but atp im tired of getting attached only to get ghosted out of nowhere #anyway ignore me #just feeling lowkey unwanted and unnecessary and like no one would care if i just disappeared #im making a bigger deal out of this than it is and being in my feels about it lol #should be used to it by now tbh but i am hurt #i think the worst part is not knowing why #like did i say or do smth why so suddenly just drop me #just a regular conversation and then no response - and i tried reaching out a few times after that #anyways i probably shouldn't care this much #but we've been talking for over a year and called each other friends and i got attached sue me #wtf is it about me that ppl always get bored or tired of me #gonna delete this #just in my feels

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rogueshadeaux · 2 months

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Slllliiiiiides over here. Hi hello. I don't think I'll do a bad karma run (IM SORRY. IM SORRY!!) cause a) I'm a wimp and b) I need to get off videogames as soon as I'm done cause I've spent too much time playing lately lmao BUT I will be watching playthrougs cause I gotta know how fucked up he gets.... I gotta know...

To clarify i have a pre existing oc from a story that could be very easily flung into a vat of "au juice" because she's already halfway there in her own cannon LMAO we shall see, for now I have a huge list of things I want to draw for this game so I gotta finish 2 before I explode then I can unleash myself on art again. Gotta feed the discord now. I'm cooking for a crowd.

hi i've been dead for 8 days and recuperating for two lol I understand life stuff (and saw some references to it on your timeline, like the warhammer stuff and the tarot card thing??? bro that shit looks so good!!) as someone that literally shared your stuff and then got ripped away for my own life happenings lmfao. But if you get the chance in the future? Seriously, try an evil karma inF2 run. There's something about how they balanced the story that puts its predecessor AND sequel to shame. They're the same story, but different tales. They have the same goal, but different goalposts. SPP gives you a well-thought-out storyline that both is cohesive, but feels like your choices actually matter. It has none of the "I can help this old lady...or kick her fucking dog lol" of inFAMOUS 1, or the "I will fight for the tribe but literally do everything wrong. everywhere. because I'm a Bad Boy™" of inFAMOUS: Second Son. The choices feel real. They feel sound. They feel like the choices a man wronged by the world would make, if he decided to turn to his harbored resentment instead of his morality. And let's be honest, Cole also feels more morally gray in inF2 than 1 anyways, so seeing the path he takes is great because it genuinely feels like he's done with the accumulation of every shitty situation that has happened to him. And I'm sure you know how the story ends now, so...don't you wanna see what happens if he chose the other option? (pls tell me you haven't watched the playthrough yet lmfao)

Anyways yeah no I totally get life shit, it loves to pull you away from stuff, and also as someone only just now trying to do the bad options in Detroit: Become Human despite getting the game at launch because I need 6 years of preparation to be the bad guy, I understand the wimp bit too. It's hard to be mean sometimes. But with Cole's inF2 story, it doesn't feel mean. It feels like a desperate man, trying to fight for a future he's not convinced cares about him.

And yes oh my god please keep creating lmfao we all love your art so goddamn much. Don't leave this fandom you're now a very important asset. And it's always a good thing, throwing old friends into new situations! I love an OC in a wardrobe change. That's usually the best translation. Think a bit harder about forcing that OC into a new role. Shove her ass onto the stage. We'd all love her.

#infamous #infamous 2 #Cole MacGrath #bro i will scream about this fucking game from the rooftops nonstop it's the best one outta them all.#genuinely the only game i've ever played the bad guy in and went 'yeah okay i'd do that irl too'#versus vomitting when picking the asshole options in other games lmfao. i cannot be mean.#momma ain't raise no bitch but she DID raise an overthinking goody two shoes #seriously tho i love your art and pleASE keep at it. and good luck with the warhammer thing!! 32 minifigs is a LOT i do not envy you #will say you're the ONLY person I know who likes Kuo!! Which is so funny watching you integrate into the fandom talking so well about her #when I have like 3 friends I know that have made up instances in fics/hc just to kill her ass. everyone hates her lmfao #anyways you're aussie and i am an american about to sleep so. todaloo kangaroo.#also i do NOT have the inFAMOUS comics illegally on a google drive. How could you ask that? I know you wanted to read them but my god #I can't believe you'd think I have pirated material that I'd willingly distribute if you shot me a message (👀)

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thetisming · 19 days

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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it

#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see #it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends #that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i #havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character #isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything #and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i #can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i #'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me #and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody #carrd so now i judt cant #i feel so broken right now #also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine #but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things #and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou #t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn #t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this #i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore #i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out #i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to #judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't #i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do #sorry

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mazzy-rockstar · 8 months

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Monday blues are hitting me hard today

#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings #but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl #and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back #which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like #i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt #so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me #1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool)#my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and #it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics #even in pics where i was present at the time #and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts #i just want to be important to someone #i want to be someone’s person #not a last resort like #they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left #but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’#not even a fucking heart on insta stories #am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends #like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???#I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one #idk i must exude some sort of energy #i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years #(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders)#anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day #ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life #it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets #i feel like hired entertainment sometimes #idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right?#i have to stop

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