#Online Chronic Illness Specialist

[streightiffsylvan]

Online therapy, also known as e-therapy or teletherapy, is a form of mental health counseling conducted over the internet. It allows individuals to connect with licensed therapists through video calls, phone calls, live chats, or messaging. This approach provides flexibility and convenience, making it easier for people to access therapy from the comfort of their own homes. Online therapy is effective for treating a variety of issues such as anxiety, depression, and stress, offering the same quality of care as traditional in-person therapy for many people.

[covid-safer-hotties]

I loved my teaching career. COVID normalization stole it from me - Published Aug 23, 2024

It might not have been the most favourable, but one of the most memorable comments I ever received on a student evaluation was that I could be “a bit hard to follow, but that was more an example of [my] passion for this subject over anything.” That subject was creative writing. And yes, sometimes, I had difficulty tempering my excitement throughout a teaching career that has now been cut short.

I have – or had – been teaching as a contract or “sessional” creative-writing instructor. Given the competitiveness of the academic job market and my age (I was nearly 40 when I earned the requisite degree, though I had already published four books), I had come to accept that it was unlikely that I would ever have a faculty position. But I could live with that because I still had the rare privilege of making a (barely) livable wage doing something I was very passionate about.

The COVID-19 pandemic took that from me. Actually, that’s not quite right. It was the perceived “end” of the pandemic that really ruined my teaching career.

I am immunocompromised and rely on medication to manage an autoimmune disease. This means vaccine protection from the virus is probably less effective for me than for most people. Also, my particular illness – Crohn’s, an inflammatory bowel disease – has been shown to put me at significantly greater risk than most for long COVID: a potentially chronic condition that can be very debilitating. And despite how it may seem, COVID circulates widely much of the year: We are still in a pandemic.

When universities returned to in-person learning in early 2022, a brief letter from my specialist was all I needed – because of my medical condition – to continue teaching online. But all that changed about a year ago.

Ironically, it is now harder for me to receive accommodation to teach online even though there is less protection in the classroom against COVID. I cannot require masking, which is perhaps our best tool against transmission (particularly respirator-style masks such as N95s), in the classroom. Nor does one-way masking offer as much protection as universal masking. Also, current air filtration in classrooms is generally insufficient. In other words, classrooms are not safe and accessible workplaces for medically vulnerable people. But that’s certainly not how university administrators, and even those who were supposed to represent employees’ interests, perceive things these days.

Last year, trying to discourage me from requesting to teach online, a union rep told me that he “believed in in-person learning.” The most frustrating thing about this comment, and the widely held opinion it represents, is that I too very much miss teaching in person and would, if it were safe to do so. (That said, I believe I am every bit as effective a teacher online.)

On another occasion, a university administrator, after I had submitted my medical documentation, thought “the solution” was for me to co-teach the class so it could include an in-person component and, consequently, less pay for me. After a struggle that went on for months, I taught the class entirely online, but the accommodation agreement I had to sign stated I had “a medical condition that needs limited exposure to as many people as possible.” I nearly refused to put my name to this bizarre description of what is a prevalent disease, but it was too late to apply elsewhere.

It is clear it will only become increasingly difficult for me to teach online as time goes on. The back-and-forth with administrators, department heads and union reps, waiting to find out if I will or won’t be accommodated, and/or what new obstacles will be thrown at me – it has all caused me significant anxiety, which in turn has made it more difficult, ironically, to manage the symptoms of my illness.

I know that the people I have been sparring with are, for the most part, decent folks: They are just ill informed. But I can’t keep trying to do the job of a public-health official to ensure my own health. It’s quite literally making me sick. I’m done. I quit. I have to.

Disability activists have fought long and hard for workplace accessibility to be a right. But the culture has not caught up to understanding the particular accessibility needs of the immunocompromised.

I do not know how to go forward from here. Online courses, especially creative writing, are few and far between. I am looking for online work that utilizes my skills and education and/or that pays more than minimum wage. I have yet to find even an opening for anything like that. For now, I’m grieving: In many ways, it’s a full-time job.

The last time I taught in person was the year I graduated from my MFA program – just months before the pandemic began. After the semester had ended, a student asked if we could have a coffee together so that I could offer further guidance on revising a piece of writing that I had told him was of near-publishable quality. And I only say that to students when it’s true. He also, to my surprise, wanted to share a bit of his own constructive criticism for me – about how I could facilitate workshop discussion a little better. I chuckled at his audacity, though later, upon reflection, took his suggestion. But mostly we focused on his creative work.

As we were getting ready to go our separate ways, he mentioned, in passing, that he had a long drive home: 2½ hours. It has always stayed with me that a student was willing to spend five hours driving for a relatively brief chat over a coffee. Clearly, he thought I was a good teacher, but with more practice and experience, I could become – like a talented, but novice, student writer – an excellent one. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like I will get that chance.

[lunehong]

Tethered

college student! Jongho X college student! fem oc

Soulmate AU, just cuteness and fluff

warnings : mentions of anxiety, illness, pregnancy.

word count : 6.9k

synopsis : what happens when your soulmate bond is finally activated but it doesn't fall under any of the existing types? Jongho and Yunhee try to establish their connection with no clue and minimal examples to follow. Would they succeed in meeting each other and seal the bond or would they fall gradually ill?

a/n : okay so my first ever oneshot, and I'm glad I could write one for our baby bear jjong cuz there aren't many jongho fics on here PLUS I miss him so much :(( I hope he's recovering well and also his birthday is coming up next month! feedback is always appreciated!

----- A reblog would mean the world to me <33 ------

Yesterday was Yunhee’s 18th birthday, which meant that she was finally an adult according to society’s standards. It also meant that she could watch netflix shows that were adult rated without feeling guilty about her age and of course, call chronically online minors out on their behaviour as someone who’d automatically be deemed more mature and responsible.

However, this also entailed that her soulmate bond was activated. 

Yunhee did feel a tingly sensation and the butterflies in her stomach like the others said she would, but after that everything went back to normal. No tattoos were etched onto her body, nor did she see a flash of her soulmate’s face in her mind and there was no response when she thought of a bunch of things to test if they had telepathy. 

She really didn’t know what went wrong but it made her anxious. Also the fact that she had no way of knowing if something happened to her soulmate, as their soulmate bond was still unidentified. 

“You should really calm down, Yunhee.” said Minha, her best friend of 7 years. 

“What if I don’t find him soon enough? We have to meet each other as soon as possible after our soulmate bond has been activated or else we’d both gradually fall ill! Don’t you remember what happened to Nina and her boyfriend?” Yunhee muttered anxiously. 

“It has only been a day! I don’t understand why you’re panicking so much. Give it a week and if there’s still nothing after that, then we can panic.” She concluded.

Taking her best friend’s advice, Yunhee decided to leave the matters into her soulmate’s hands, thinking if she was frantically trying out different confirmation methods, it was safe to assume that he was also doing the same. 

“Dude, I’m telling you, your soulmate bond is telepathy! There isn’t any other type that matches!”  Wooyoung exclaimed, while flailing his hands around to prove his point. 

“But I haven’t heard anything from my soulmate so far! Nor do I know if the things I thought reached her!” Jongho yelled back. 

“Okay… Well, try again later! Don’t give up on this, because I’m a hundred percent sure it’s telepathy of some sort even if it isn’t the common one.” Wooyoung got up to leave. 

“How are you so sure? Are you a soulmate specialist or something?” Jongho scoffed at him. 

Wooyoung smiled at that. “Remember how my soulmate bond was telepathy?” Jongho nodded, “I never told anyone this but, mine wasn’t your typical telepathy… It was one-sided.”

“What? No way!” Jongho stared at him in disbelief.

“Yes, our bond was such that I couldn’t hear anything from her but she could hear everything I thought about. I was ready to give up when I got this idea and decided to give it a last shot.” Wooyoung continued.

“What did you do?” Jongho asked.

“I sat down and started revealing my full name, my social media handles, my address and other details in my head, so if there really was anyone listening they’d know how to find me. She showed up on my doorstep with my favourite snacks not long after. The rest is history.” Wooyoung grinned while recalling the memory. 

“How the hell did we not know this before? It’s literally a story worth telling!” 

“Yes, I’m aware but the topic never came up and I can’t just randomly reveal that my soulmate bond was flawed you know?” Wooyoung tried to reason with Jongho. 

“Okay, fine I got it. I’ll try thinking of different things and hope it’ll reach my soulmate somehow” Jongho sighed, giving in.

“That’s the spirit! Let me and the other guys know if you feel anything and I’ll see you later. Bye!” 

Jongho headed to bed early that day, feeling exhausted. As he was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, an idea came to him. ‘What if I focus on one topic to think about instead of multiple things at once? It might be a more organised approach and less strenuous for my brain.’ 

So he sat up and started consciously thinking about one topic, but phrased them in various ways. 

‘What is your name?’ He waited a bit but there wasn’t a response. 

“At least I know this won't work,” he said out loud. 

‘Can you tell me your name?’

 No response.

“Okay, that’s crossed out too then. How else can I phrase it…”

 If anyone saw him then, they’d think he had gone mad by the way he was talking to himself.

‘Could you speak your name?’

‘Could you spell your name?’

‘Could you trace your name on your hand?’

Jongho tried phrasing it as many ways as he could, even if some sounded ridiculous. 

‘Telleth me thy name.’

 He paused before laughing at himself. 

“So, Shakespearean English is crossed out too it seems.” 

When he ran out of all the ‘tell’, ‘spell’, ‘speak’ and ‘think’ questions he took a different route. 

‘Can you write your name?’

No response. 

Jongho yawned, feeling sleepy. Lying back down on the bed, he tried thinking of a few more sentences before deciding to continue again the next day. 

‘Could you write your name on paper?’ 

No response. 

“Okay, then” he said.

‘Write your name down on paper for me please?’ 

He paused, just about to fall asleep. 

That was when the most unexpected thing happened to him.

Yunhee was tossing and turning in bed, unable to fall asleep. She had just finished her college assignment, due the next day and all the stress she took for it made her extremely tired. 

Assuming sleep would come easy to her, she finished her nighttime routine and headed to bed. But alas, sleep was nowhere to be found. It was one of those days where her body was tired but her mind was wide awake and she despised when that happened because it meant that she would not be able to fall asleep anytime soon. 

She started counting sheep in her head as a last resort.

 When she was on her 29th sheep, Yunhee heard something resonate in her head. The first noise sounded like an incoherent crackle and she almost dismissed it as her mind playing tricks, when she clearly heard a soothing male voice telling her to write her name on paper. 

She sat up on her bed abruptly and tried to reach out to the guy, but to no avail. Her heart was beating very fast at the prospect of finally receiving a telepathic message. She was able to hear her soulmate’s voice and it was a feeling like no other. 

After waiting a bit, she decided to do what the voice told her to: write her name on paper. 

Yunhee got up, retrieving her notebook and a pen from the desk. Sitting back down on the bed once again, she opened the notebook to an empty page and scribbled her name on it. She also wrote “What is your name?” underneath.

She waited for a bit in case another message came through but there were no other responses. 

Yunhee was completely unable to sleep that night. 

Jongho couldn’t believe what he just saw. It was like a flash that only lasted for a few seconds, but he saw a vision through someone else’s eyes. He saw a hand pick up a light blue notebook with the words “hakuna matata” written in a corner with golden ink. The hand also picked up a pen and wrote down something in the notebook. What it wrote, Jongho couldn’t make out because the writing became hazy and blurry. He could only read out ‘Park’ and the writing underneath that said ‘what is your name?’.

He was sure the person wrote her name down but he could only read her surname. 

Jongho felt something unexplainable in his gut. He was finally able to reach his soulmate, even though he couldn’t see her name. Thinking about the vision brought out a sense of longing inside him. He wanted to see more, feel more and know more about her, but he didn’t yet know how.

 ‘At least this is progress’ he thought. ‘I need to tell the others about this and figure out what I should do next.’

The doorbell rang but the sound went unheard by the group of guys inside the apartment. The person standing outside got impatient after a while, and had to bang on the door to gain everyone’s attention. 

“Geez, Hongjoong-hyung why are you banging on the door like that? The bell exists for a reason.” Wooyoung tsked while opening the door for him.

“I rang the bell like 10 times already! None of you brats could hear it over the noise pollution! I swear y’all can be heard from down the hallway!” Hongjoong yelled at him. 

“Cut us some slack though, Hongjoong. We met up after almost a month!” Seonghwa reasoned with him. 

The seven guys excluding Jongho made themselves comfortable in Jongho’s living room, catching up with each other. Meanwhile, the resident of the apartment arranged some refreshments for the eight of them, bringing them over to the living area before plopping down between Yeosang and Mingi. 

“So let’s come to the reason why I called you guys here–” 

“You called us for a reason!?” San fake gasped. 

“You wouldn’t have invited us if you didn’t have a use for us!?” Yunho butted in. 

“Guys let the poor boy speak! I can kinda guess what it’s about.” Wooyoung tried to defend Jongho. 

“Yes, thank you Wooyoung-hyung. The reason why I called you here is because I was able to contact my soulmate yesterday and I still don’t know what type of bond this is.” 

At the revelation, everyone started yelling over each other and asking questions, of which Jongho was unable to decipher a single sentence.

The seven looked like a bunch of chattering baby birds that wanted food from its mother. He sighed and shook his head, thinking how the people in front of him were supposed to be older in age. 

“Guys, one at a time!” he yelled. 

“Okay, so it’s telepathy right?” Wooyoung asked.

“Yes and no.” Jongho paused to sort out what he wanted to say, “It’s telepathy, yes, because I consciously thought of something and it went through. But, only one kind of conscious thought out of all the other ones I tried to send, elicited a response.”

“That’s…weird?” Hongjoong muttered. 

“And not just that, hyung. The response I received was in the form of a glimpse, showing me a vision through my soulmate’s eyes!”

“What?” exclaimed Mingi.

“So, it’s not just telepathy, it’s specific and supposedly one sided, while you receive sporadic glimpses through your soulmate’s eyes. That’s a very odd combination.” Wooyoung said, in deep thought. 

“This is more complicated than yours was, hyung.” Jongho muttered.

“What do you mean?” Yeosang questioned, being able to hear what he said. 

Jongho proceeded to tell them all the details regarding what he thought and what he saw in the glimpse, meanwhile not forgetting to expose Wooyoung and how he hid such crucial information about his own experience. The rest reprimanded Wooyoung for it, making him sulk, but they also collectively tried to figure out exactly how the bond worked. 

“What happened!” Minha burst into Yunhee’s place, panting like she just ran a marathon. 

“Why hello there best friend, why do you look as if you got chased by a dog?” Hayoon, their other best friend, asked sarcastically. 

“Dude? I came here as fast as I could! I got Yunhee’s text a while ago that said ‘EMERGENCY’ in all caps! I thought some code blue shit happened to her!” Minha exclaimed.

“Wow, and I thought the text I received was bad… she sent, ‘come over, I have something to say’ that made me rush here because I thought she was pregnant or something, which would’ve been really bad considering her soulmate bond just activated.” Hayoon laughed. 

At that very moment, Yunhee walked in with tubs of ice cream, suddenly feeling like she entered a lion’s den. The two girls yelled at her for being so dramatic over nothing but calmed down once she handed them their favourite ice cream. 

“So, the reason I sent those ‘dramatic’ texts as you two so eloquently put it, is because I got contacted by my soulmate and I freaked out.” Yunhee revealed while rolling her eyes.

“What?” Minha yelled. 

“When? How?” Hayoon followed. 

“At night yesterday! I was trying to sleep after finishing the assignment and that’s when I heard his voice in my head telling me to write my name on paper. I don’t know why that was so specific but yeah I did as he said.” 

“Did you hear anything in return?” Hayoon inquired.

“No, unfortunately. That was the only thing that came through.” Yunhee sulked. 

“But hey! You got contacted by your soulmate! So we are sure that nothing happened to him and he’s probably trying to figure out how the bond works as well right?” Minha tried to cheer her up like the mom she was, unable to see her kid sad.

“Yeah, that’s true. I hope he figures it out though because I’m at a dead end here.” 

“I’m sure he’ll figure it out! We currently have nothing to do but trust him and cheer him on. So don’t stress too much, Yuns. Stay alert and just wait for him to make the connection again.” Hayoon exclaimed, in a cheery voice. 

“Exactly! Let’s trust him on this one and we can think more about it when he manages to contact you again. Meanwhile, tell us how he sounded! What did you feel?” Minha shook Yunhee in excitement. 

So, the three girls spent the rest of their time discussing the interaction and other’s soulmate experiences while they enjoyed their ice cream.

Jongho recalled the conversation that he had with the guys earlier, who managed to come up with a few hypothetical situations for him to experiment. 

He sat down on his desk with a notebook before him, taking notes like he would for a science class. The guys did have a few different ideas but Hongjoong’s idea made the most sense to Jongho. 

Hongjoong proposed that the message that went through was a command rather than a suggestion or a question. And what Jongho received as a glimpse was the completion of said task that got sent as a command. 

So what Jongho had to do was make his soulmate do tasks for him and if it worked out every time, then eventually find a way for them to meet face to face. 

He relaxed himself and thought of a task for her to do. 

“Okay, so I know that I’d probably not be able to know her name or see what she looks like through the bond so I can’t ask anything related to that.” He spoke out loud. 

After thinking for a while, Jongho got an idea. He decided to send his soulmate to her favourite cafe and order her favourite drink. In this way he’ll be able to figure out which cafe she frequented and what drink she liked as well. 

‘Go to your favourite cafe and order your favourite drink first thing in the morning.’ He thought, hoping that his soulmate heard it. 

“Did it sound too rude? But I can’t send anything other than a command and commands don’t particularly sound nice though.” He spoke to himself again while scratching his head.

Before he could overthink more, Jongho wrote down what he said and headed to bed as he had classes to attend the next day. 

Taking a last minute impulsive decision, Minha and Hayoon chose to stay the night at Yunhee’s house. The three slept over at each other’s places quite often, making it a regular occurrence in their lives. Yunhee let her mother know about it and she told her to grab the extra mattress that they had for such occasions. 

While she was dragging the mattress to her room, she heard a crackle resonate in her mind like the last time. Yunhee dropped the mattress, focusing intently to see if her soulmate’s voice came through. 

Minha was walking back with a glass of water when she spotted her by the living room standing as if she saw a ghost while the mattress was abandoned on the floor.

“Yuns, what happened–” 

“Shush! I think I’m getting another message.” Yunhee quickly cut her off. 

Indeed, the soothing voice she heard the first time spoke to her again, making the darn butterflies in her stomach return to torment her. She unconsciously smiled, the emotions that hearing her soulmate’s voice evoked in her being all very new. 

Minha stared at her from the side, relating with the lovesick look on her friend’s face all too well. 

“Go to your favourite cafe… and order your favourite drink first thing in the morning?” Yunhee repeated what her soulmate said to her out loud. She looked at Minha, tilting her head in obvious confusion.  

“That’s what he said?” Minha looked equally perplexed. 

“What is taking you two so long– why are y’all standing there with the mattress on the floor?” Hayoon came out of her room to check on the two. 

Minha told her what happened while they dragged the mattress to Yunhee’s room. They sat down to think why her soulmate would send in yet another oddly specific message asking her to do something. 

“You know what I think?” Hayoon said in a serious tone, unlike her usual carefree demeanour, “The only form of message he can send are the ones that tell Yunhee to do something. ‘Cause think about it! He probably already tried saying the common stuff like ‘what is your name’ or ‘where do you live’ like we telepathy types did, but in our case all the things we tried to send went through.” 

 Yunhee and Minha looked at each other for a few seconds before directing their attention back to Hayoon, who was raising her eyebrows at them. 

“Wow dude, what’s up with you? You’re actually making sense today!” Yunhee exclaimed with fake enthusiasm while patting Hayoon on the shoulder, who rolled her eyes and pointed her middle finger towards Yunhee in return.

“Yeah! But Yoon’s right. Can’t relate though, ‘cause I was the tattoo type but she has a point. And I also think that he can somehow sense if you have done the given task or not or else he wouldn’t have any way of knowing if his messages are going through.” Minha added while laughing at Hayoon.

“I mean, the task is simple enough. I do visit cafe Aurora before heading to class anyway, so it won’t be anything out of the ordinary, I guess.” Yunhee muttered. 

The three girls started their movie marathon, when Minha’s phone rang. It was a facetime call from her soulmate Changbin, who was also their childhood friend since middle school. 

When Minha turned 18, which was three months back, she invited all her friends to attend the party, including Changbin. He was out of town that week so he couldn’t attend her birthday party. 

The tattoo that appeared on Minha’s wrist was supposed to be the first thing her soulmate told her after it was activated, which said, “Happy birthday! Sorry I couldn’t make it, Min.” 

 Minha looked absolutely bewildered while Yunhee and Hayoon laughed at it like maniacs. She got teased by the other two the entire day, while she tried to appear nonchalant about it. 

When they were younger, Minha never liked the concept of soulmates and always complained about the idea of getting paired up with a complete stranger for the rest of their lives as it seemed unnerving to her. But when she realised that her soulmate might be good old Changbin, she didn’t hate the idea anymore. It was true that Minha never saw him as anything more than a friend but he was an amazing guy and she did think he’d make a good partner. 

At night she received a call from him and indeed, the first thing he said was “Happy birthday! Sorry I couldn’t make it, Min.” 

Minha laughed and said, “Thanks, idiot.” when it dawned upon Changbin as well that his soulmate was none other than Minha.

 They met up when Changbin returned (he basically scrambled to return as fast as he could) and made it official.

 Among Yunhee’s friends, Minha and Changbin were probably the fastest soulmates to seal the bond which made a lot of them jealous because of how easy it was for them to find each other. 

Back to the present, Changbin facetimed Minha who received the call. 

“Hey Min, are you staying over at Yunhee’s today?” 

“Yep. Sudden decision.”

“Oh okay, have fun! And pass the phone to Yunhee please.” Changbin spoke. 

Yunhee peeked from the back and waved at him. 

“You! What were you thinking when you sent a text like that, dumbass? Who sends ‘EMERGENCY’ and dips without explaining what happened?” He exclaimed.

“Ugh, okay fine sorry. I won’t send texts like that again. I got nagged enough by these two, I don’t need you to add anything to it, Binnie.” Yunhee whined. 

“At least you’re fine and dandy so I’ll spare your ass today. How's the soulmate situation going?” 

They told him everything that happened and gossiped with him for a few more minutes before hanging up. 

Yunhee left to talk to her parents about something, only to come back to the room with her brows furrowed at the screen of her phone. 

“Uh, Yoonie? Why is Eric texting me saying if I decided to keep the baby or not, and if I did he’ll help me convince my soulmate to keep it too?” 

At this, Hayoon and Minha looked at each other, before they burst out laughing. Yunhee was still looking at them in bewilderment but the two were not being able to stop. 

After two minutes of them laughing without break and Yunhee standing like the clown that she was, they finally stopped. 

“Remember the text that you sent me? I showed it to Eric and he was the one who said ‘why does she sound like she’s going to announce her pregnancy or something’ and we realised that it could be a possibility, because dude, everyone knows that you write paragraphs when you text. So, such a thing was not to be taken lightly.” Hayoon shrugged.

At this Yunhee threw a pillow at her, yelling how her love life was as barren as the Sahara desert (because she couldn’t fall for anyone else when the thought of having a soulmate later in life hit her) and how she and her soulmate shared the same braincell. 

“Come on! At least he’s supportive!” Hayoon defended Eric.

“Yeah yeah, I can see that. Let me call him and explain the whole thing, or else he’ll start preparing to be an uncle.”

Eric was Hayoon’s soulmate that she met 3 weeks after her 18th birthday. They were the telepathy type, being able to contact each other almost immediately after the soulmate bond was activated.

The two had a few bumps on the road, as Eric wasn’t cooperative in the beginning. The reason being that he liked this other girl and he couldn’t accept the fact that his soulmate was someone else. But the said girl found her soulmate a week after, which finally pushed Eric to move on and seek his own soulmate. 

Minha and Yunhee didn’t like him, as he made their best friend suffer and put her at risk of getting ill due to the unsealed bond, but he redeemed himself eventually. Now they were a pretty wholesome couple.

After clearing the misunderstanding, they resumed the movie marathon, falling asleep in the midst of it. 

Jongho didn’t feel like getting up. It was a cold winter morning, which made sleeping under the warmth of the duvet all the more enticing. But he had to wake up as he had an important class to attend that day. 

He reached college early, so he was waiting inside the classroom when he saw it.

a glimpse of an awfully familiar cafe. He was able to hear her voice this time, when she spoke to order a regular hot mocha. A shiver ran down his body when he heard it, realising how sweet her voice sounded to him. Keeping his emotions at bay, he noticed two very familiar faces through the glimpse before it ended. 

“Cafe Aurora, huh.” He smiled to himself. His soulmate was nearer to him than he thought. 

As he entered through the door in a hurry to get away from the cold, Jongho noticed that the cafe was busier than usual. He figured that it was due to the freezing weather outside, while the cafe provided the warmth everyone including himself was seeking. 

Upon reaching the front he spotted Soobin behind the cashier counter, taking orders like he usually does with a smile on his face. Beomgyu was in the middle calling out names and distributing drinks while San was at the back making them for the customers. 

He eventually spotted Jongho and called another worker to take his place, so that he could go greet his friend. 

“Jongho? Fancy seeing you here.” San spoke up in a playful tone. 

“Why? Can’t I visit my dear hyung during his shift?” Jongho retaliated. 

“No, of course you can but you usually don’t frequent this place. Remember when you told me it was far from your house and you already found another place to get your iced americano from?” San raised his eyebrows making Jongho avert his gaze.

“Okay, fine! You got me there. I came here to ask you something.” he pouted. 

“Ei, don’t feel bad! I was teasing you! But do visit me more often from now okay? What did you want to ask?” San laughed while patting his back.

“So, I saw another glimpse this morning. I’ll tell you the details later but I think Hongjoong hyung’s theory worked. Can you tell me if you remember any girl, possibly a regular here, ordering hot mocha around 8 am?” 

“I make the drinks dude, I wouldn’t know. Hey, Gyu? Can you come over for a sec?” San yelled. 

Beomgyu, who finally got to breathe after distributing the drinks, clicked his tongue and walked over to where the two were standing. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” 

“Do you remember any regular female customer that came today around 8 am to order a hot mocha?” San asked him.

“Okay first of all, I have been distributing over hundreds of drinks, at least 30 of which were hot mochas. And if we are talking about 8 am then a lot of people came in to get their morning fix before college so I don’t think I can help you.” He paused.

“You could check the server but I doubt that would be of any help either, because a lot of female regular customers order hot mochas in the morning so…” Beomgyu shrugged. 

“Okay thanks, Gyu. We’ll figure something out.” San sighed.

“Why? Did anyone take a drink without paying again?” Beomgyu inquired in a concerned voice. 

“No, no. We’re trying to find Jongho’s soulmate.” San and Jongho laughed at Beomgyu’s expression.

“Oh, thank god. Good luck searching for her, bro.” Beomgyu gave Jongho a thumbs up before resuming his work. 

San looked at Jongho, who was deep in thought. 

“How’d you know she came to Aurora?” 

“Oh, come on hyung, I’d recognise the interior anywhere! Plus, she gave her order to Soobin and you were at the back making drinks. I saw you two in the glimpse.” Jongho poked San in the shoulders, making him swat his hand away. 

“Moreover, I think I found out how the bond works. So, I’ll increase contact and try to get her to meet me somehow.”

“That’s the spirit! I know you’ll succeed Jongho-yah.” San said with a proud look on his face. 

He asked Jongho if he still wanted to order an iced americano in a weather like that, to which he said yes. San shook his head at the boy but proceeded to make him what he wanted, yelling how he wouldn’t take any responsibility if Jongho caught a cold later. 

He just smiled and gestured at him to continue making the drink.

Two days have passed since Yunhee received the last message from her soulmate. She was trying not to think about it, distracting herself with other things but every now and then her mind would fleet to the honey-like voice which evoked an unexplainable sense of longing in her. She wanted to hear his voice again.

During breaks, the trio made a point to gather whenever their schedules coincided, to catch up and complain about college, even though it was just their freshman year. 

Yunhee was walking towards their hangout spot with Hayoon when she felt like another message was coming through. She stopped walking and tapped Hayoon on the shoulder to do the same. 

The now familiar voice reverberated in her head saying “Write the name of your favourite flower on your notebook.” 

She stood there with a faraway look in her eyes, while the girl beside her extended and retracted her hand awkwardly, not knowing if she should shake her best friend or not. 

Hayoon didn’t have to suffer in indecisiveness for long, as Minha approached them and did the job for her by back hugging Yunhee, bringing her out of her trance.

“Why are you two standing here? Let’s go.” 

“Wait, Yunhee received another telepathic message. What is it bro?” Hayoon asked Yunhee. 

“He asked me to write the name of my favourite flower. What is he up to?” 

“It’s just flowers Yunhee, he probably wanted to know basic stuff like that so that he can be prepared when he finally meets you.” Minha reasoned.

“Okay let’s go sit, so that I can write it down.” 

The three headed to their hangout place. As soon as Yunhee sat down, she reached for her bag to bring the notebook out. She opened it and wrote, ‘sunflowers, but pink roses are great too’ after much thought. 

The other two teased her saying they already knew she was going to write sunflowers so she really didn’t have to ponder so much, but Yunhee disagreed by saying how she found all flowers pretty so it was hard for her to pick one.

The following day, Yunhee received another message that asked her to write yes in the notebook if she was available on the weekend and no if she wasn’t. 

She ended up writing a ‘YES’ in capital letters on her notebook that probably covered the whole page, out of sheer excitement. 

Jongho on the other hand received a glimpse of it, laughing at how adorable she was. It was as though he felt the excitement of his soulmate and that made him more eager and impatient to meet her. 

Yunhee immediately informed Hayoon and Minha about it, who were equally thrilled for their best friend and promised to help her get ready for the occasion. 

Weekend arrived faster than the two soulmates anticipated. Jongho made sure to send her a message saying “Go to cafe Aurora at 4pm” before he started preparing to meet her. 

He got ready at three and sent a message to his group chat asking which flower he should pick between sunflowers and pink roses. Most of them suggested him to buy both and get them arranged in a nice bouquet. 

What Jongho didn’t know, however, was that the seven were already camping at cafe Aurora (excluding San because it was his shift anyway) to watch the scene unfold. 

Yunhee finally finished getting ready with the help of her two best friends. She opted for a classy but casual look: flared jeans, puffy sleeved black top, minimal pearl accessories and light makeup. 

She kept stressing and overthinking about the entire situation like the worrywart she was. At first Minha and Hayoon were trying to reassure her and alleviate her concerns but after a while it became frustrating for them so they nagged her and threw her out of the house before it was too late.

Yunhee, although still anxious about the whole meeting up with her soulmate situation, took deep breaths and reminded herself how much she had been wanting to meet her soulmate for the past few days. After calming down a bit, she headed towards the cafe. 

Jongho arrived at the cafe, the bouquet of flowers in hand. It seemed as though he attracted quite a bit of attention, because of how big the assortment of flowers looked due to the big and vibrant sunflowers. He didn’t think much of it however, opting to find a suitable seat while he waited for his soulmate to arrive. 

San on the other hand, went inside the storage room upon Jongho’s arrival to alert the other six who were hiding in there. The guys were trying to find a suitable position to peek in through the door; bickering in low voices to prevent being seen. Yunho had to hold his hand over Wooyoung’s mouth in case he yelled unintentionally and gave out their position. 

Meanwhile, San explained the whole situation to Beomgyu and Soobin, who finally understood what was going on.

“Here goes nothing.” Yunhee muttered to herself while she pushed the door to the cafe open. Upon entering she noticed that the cafe was moderately busy– an unusual sight for her as she always visited early in the morning during the rush hour, when all the seats were occupied and a huge queue present.

She didn’t know what to look for as her soulmate hadn’t really mentioned anything that would help her identify him in the crowd, but she hoped that her ‘soulmate senses’ would assist her with it (if such a thing existed).

Soobin noticed her standing awkwardly by the door and called her.

“Hello! Yunhee, right?” he said. 

“Oh, hi! Yeah, I usually drop by before going to college. I’m glad you remember my name!” Yunhee was grateful to him for striking up a conversation. 

“You seemed like you were searching for someone. Do you perhaps need some help?” He inquired. 

“I was, actually! To be honest, I don’t know what he looks like.” she paused. “It’s… my soulmate and today is supposed to be our first meeting.” Yunhee said truthfully.

Upon hearing what she said, Soobin immediately yelled at San to come to the counter, who was standing at the back. 

Yunhee saw Soobin whisper something to his ear and he looked at her with his eyebrows raised in shock. He then moved back to allow the guy to stand in his place.

“Hi! I’m San and I usually handle making beverages at the back. Soobin here just told me that you are looking for your soulmate, is that right?” He asked politely. 

“Nice to meet you! And yeah, I am.” She replied. 

“Looks like we’ll meet each other more often from now on, Ms.Yunhee.” San said while smiling. “And you might want to look there, on the right side, where a guy is sitting with a huge bouquet of flowers. Good luck!” He instructed while pointing towards the table. 

Yunhee approached said table and immediately noticed the assortment of sunflowers and pink roses along with a few other flowers. She tapped on the table to get the guy’s attention, who was on his phone with his back to her.

Jongho looked up, only to find, arguably, the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes upon. He seemed to be in a trance, everything but the girl in front of him becoming a blur.

Yunhee wasn’t faring any better, feeling like her heart was beating out of her chest as she stared at the guy that was supposed to be her soulmate. 

Both of them felt like something clicked in place, like the final piece in a puzzle that they didn’t even know was missing all this time.

Jongho recovered first, standing up to move the bouquet so that Yunhee could sit in the seat in front of him. Once she settled down, he swiftly handed the flowers to her, to which she thanked him in a bashful way. 

“I did think your choice of flower was unique, but now that I saw you face to face, it suits you.” Jongho said, after clearing his voice. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thanks.” Yunhee replied. 

“I’m Jongho. Choi Jongho. Sophomore in college.” 

“Park Yunhee. Freshman.” 

“Yunhee… a pretty name for an even prettier person it seems.” Jongho replied playfully, making her blush. 

They carried their conversation, feeling quite relaxed and comfortable after a while. Yunhee asked him a bunch of different questions, as she couldn’t do that with their bond earlier and Jongho patiently answered every query that she had with a smile on his face, not missing to ask her some in return. 

The more they communicated, the more they realised how similar their values and preferences were, which dispelled all the concerns they had about liking each other.

Jongho got up to collect their order when he noticed the six heads peeking through a door in the distance. He made his way towards the door and swung it open, to see the six guys trying to hide behind carton boxes. 

Jongho folded his arms and glared at them while they stuttered trying to explain the situation. Meanwhile, San pretended he did not see anything and continued his work.

Being discovered already, the guys came out from the storage room and greeted Yunhee, who was taken aback at first but reciprocated their enthusiasm almost immediately. 

She could see how embarrassed Jongho looked because of them so she tried to console him by saying that her friends were like this too and they’d all get along really well once they met. 

The guys started leaving one by one, seeing how Jongho’s death glare was still quite evident and they didn’t want to be at the receiving end of their youngest’s wrath. 

Jongho sighed and apologised to Yunhee again for his friends’ sudden intrusion to which she was fine with and said that it was quite nice to meet the people he was close to.

They finished their beverages and chose to take a walk outside before heading home. 

As they were walking along the pavement, Jongho felt a sudden urge to hold her hand. He tried to appear nonchalant and brushed his hand with hers, to which Yunhee responded by grabbing his hand while looking the other way. 

As someone who hated skinship with all his being, Jongho didn’t quite fathom why he felt the need to initiate physical contact with the girl walking beside him. Something as simple as holding hands was making his emotions go haywire. 

'So this is what having a soulmate feels like.' Jongho thought. 

“Right? I always felt like it was a foreign concept to me, which I couldn’t relate to at all when the people around me shared their stories. But now that I’m experiencing it for myself, I get what they were saying.” Yunhee replied, while swinging their joint hands back and forth. 

Jongho looked at her, perplexed about how she knew what he was thinking when their soulmate bond was supposed to dissipate once they met; not to mention it wasn’t regular telepathy to begin with.

Yunhee glanced back at him, to see his head tilted endearingly towards her in confusion.

“You said that out loud, Jongho.” She pointed out while giggling at his expression. 

“Oh, I didn’t realise that.” Jongho turned his head away to hide his embarrassment but Yunhee noticed how red his ears were, making her chuckle again. He figured that he really loved how her laugh sounded. 

After their impromptu stroll, Jongho took Yunhee home. 

They were at the gate, when the girl turned around and held both of Jongho’s hands.

“I had a lovely time today, so thank you so much for that. Thank you for not giving up on me even after knowing how complicated it was trying to find how our bond worked, as I completely started depending on you after not having a single clue about it. I know that our life was kind of on the line too but still I’d like to express my gratitude. And also… thanks for not turning out a jerk I guess?” Yunhee ended with a mischievous smile, making Jongho laugh. 

“Then I’d also like to express my gratitude for the fact that you chose to trust me on this and I’m so glad that you’re my soulmate.” Jongho smiled warmly while squeezing her hands tighter. “Also, thanks for not being a snobbish Karen.” He ended with a wink. 

Both Yunhee and Jongho felt all warm inside just by looking at each other. Every emotion that they felt just by doing the bare minimum seemed heightened and it was a complete new experience for both of them. 

The day ended as Yunhee hugged Jongho despite him telling her he hated skinship, and surprisingly Jongho didn’t mind it and hugged her back. 

Yunhee promised to introduce her parents and friends to him some other day, to which Jongho wholeheartedly agreed, saying he’d do the same. 

At last they parted ways, Yunhee entering her house and Jongho on his way home even though they didn’t want the day to end. 

Unspoken promises of a life together at each other's side lingered on. A life, where they were bound to be together, chosen as each other’s counterparts by fate itself. No matter how many lives they lived, the red string of fate would always bring the destined souls to one another; such was the way of the universe.

[crimeronan]

i absolutely get the fantasy inherent in those posts about wanting house to be your doctor (it's about being diagnosed in a week by a team of specialists who run exhaustive batteries of tests and take your medical mystery seriously and actually know things about medicine unlike the average GP) but they also make me cringe because like. you guys... you wouldn't... you wouldn't be the patient of the week. none of you would be the patient of the week. unless you're literally already so close to death that you have organs shutting down and are actively admitted to the hospital, you would NOT be a patient of the week. if you can ever get out of bed without collapsing then you are not the patient of the week. if you can breathe then you are not the patient of the week. if run-of-the-mill doctors keep telling you to exercise and take NSAIDS and stop bitching then you are not the patient of the week.

what you ARE is one of the comic relief clinic patients. you come into the hospital complaining about how bad you hurt and the show takes great pains to illustrate that you're a whiny lying faker with a booboo whose mommy coddled you too much because you're from an entitled generation of able-bodied pissbabies. the audience hates you for wanting medical help for your ailments. you are resoundly mocked for the entire episode and house is eventually validated when it turns out that combining ibuprofen and acetaminophen makes you capable of doing one entire dish in your sink, so you're an exaggerating asshat who's monopolizing the time that could be spent on REAL problems.

at MOST -- at VERY MOST -- you exist as a foil to make house angry, in which he'll throw something at the wall and scream at you about how you should just get addicted to vicodin to manage your pain and then maybe you'll actually HAVE something to bitch about. and if you're not willing to do that then it's proof that you weren't all that fucking sick to begin with. (50/50 this is portrayed as a negative interaction and a sign that house is Getting Worse but he won't suffer any social or licensing consequences for it because you don't matter.)

you are not the patient of the week. you are not going to be the patient of the week. real life is full of doctors who grew up on house md and who think they ARE house md and this is how they're going to treat you, because you are not the patient of the week.

so in real life you absolutely need to look up healthcare reviews online before you book a doctor's appointment and NEVER go to ANYONE with ANY negative reviews from ANY chronically ill patient. PLEASE.

[shion-yu]

Ears Ringing

Cliff can't afford his meds and can't keep anything down anymore. My fill for my @badthingshappenbingo space "Ears Ringing." OC work, 2,816 words. TWs parental abuse, emeto, chronic illness whump, detailed hospital descriptions.

For years now. Cliff's neurological symptoms have been all over the place. Sometimes he's eloquent and polite, echoes of his former brilliance shining through. Other times he can't remember the names of simple objects or can't stop crying. Sometimes he walks fine, and then the next day he needs his wheelchair. It's inconsistent, frustratingly so, and Cliff can't stand it.

He's depressed. He knows he's depressed, but he can't do anything about it because he's already taking antidepressants and he's scared if he says anything they'll stick him in the psych ward. Phoenix always used to tell him he was crazy, and Cliff worries he is. He sees shadows in the corners of his eyes all the time and hears people in the apartment that aren't there. One time Elliot catches him with a knife in his hand in the middle of the night hunting for some unknown threat. It's bad, really bad. He's never hallucinated before but he is now nearly every day. It’s getting increasingly difficult for him to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not.

Bothering other people with his problems is the last thing Cliff wants to do. Elliot's busy writing his album with Alex, Moira’s got her baby and Matt’s in law school. So Cliff's alone a lot of the time, which he doesn’t really mind but sometimes it’s easier for him to pretend everything is fine when he has someone else to pretend for. He dropped out of law school a year ago and he still hasn't figured out an alternative career path. He tutors people online to take the LSAT, which is enough to pay the rent on his tiny condemned apartment, but that's all. He can't take Elliot out and treat him because it seems his parents have washed their hands of him and he can barely keep up with the copays on all his medications. His parents haven't officially disowned him - yet - but when they found out he dropped out of law school they stopped sending him monthly support checks. 

Cliff's started halving his pills to make them last longer, and the first to go completely are the antidepressants and anxiety meds. After that he cuts out the ones that he knows don't necessarily keep him alive, just feeling better: the antiemetics and pain medications. Eventually all the ones that were giving him any sort of quality of life are gone, but he's still sort of okay until he starts running out of his steroids: it's when he starts halving his prednisone that the hallucinations begin.

He's spending more days in bed feeling sick than not at this point. He doesn't leave the apartment and Elliot seems to be getting increasingly worried despite Cliff's best efforts to put on a good show. He's losing weight by the day and he's vomiting nearly everything he eats up. Elliot tries to coax food into him but it's not working. Even Cliff's favorite Japanese and Chinese comfort foods cause him misery, so it's certainly not a matter of taste. At least he saves money not having to buy groceries. 

Cliff had promised Elliot that he'd never hide this stuff from him again back when they broke up. So he doesn't hide it and he never lies, but he tries to sound casual when he answers like it's not a big deal. If Elliot asks, Cliff admits that he's not feeling well, or that he's nauseous. Elliot starts keeping a journal of Cliff's intake and instances of vomiting, then realizes there's no way Cliff's actually retaining any nutrients. He makes Cliff an appointment with a GI specialist, but the wait is four months out. Elliot is worried Cliff can't wait that long and tries to convince Cliff to go to the emergency room, or at least tell his father and see if he'll order some tests, but Cliff refuses. He promised to communicate with Elliot, not anyone else. Lucky for Cliff, Elliot never seems to think to ask him about bills or voices that aren't there. And his dad is drinking again, so Cliff doesn’t bother talking to him.

It comes to a head when Elliot can't get a hold of Cliff. Their relationship is still young despite all of their history, it feels fragile, and Cliff isn't answering his phone. Elliot worries Cliff's withdrawing and doesn't really want to be in a relationship, but he can't bring himself to think that's true so easily. So he breaks into Cliff's apartment for answers and finds Cliff passed out on the bathroom floor soaked in piss and vomit. He doesn’t respond when Elliot shakes him and shouts his name, but at least he’s breathing. Elliot calls 911.

Cliff doesn't wake up on the ambulance ride to the hospital. Elliot's glad for that because he doesn't want how scared he feels to come out as anger. The scene is eerily familiar to how Elliot had found Cliff on the floor of their dorm room all those years ago, but Elliot tells himself it's not the same. He'll at least give Cliff the chance to explain why it isn't. Still, why hadn't Cliff told him how much he was struggling? He could have reached out and Elliot would have been over there to take care of him in a heartbeat.

"I didn't want you to worry," Cliff mumbled when he wakes up, before lurching forward and dry heaving into the emesis basin Elliot's holding. He has a high fever and Elliot thinks now's not the time to yell at him for being foolish. "I really thought I could manage," Cliff says through a single sob. Elliot's heart clenches in pity. Cliff's never known how to rely on other people thanks to his parents. Elliot wants Cliff to rely on him, but it's not something he can force. 

The doctors come in and ask if Cliff's been taking his medications as prescribed, especially the steroids. Their expressions are almost accusatory and Elliot doesn't understand why until Cliff looks down, face clearly ashamed. "Cliff, why not? Do you want to die?" Elliot asks, aghast.

His heart breaks when he hears Cliff whisper in the tiniest voice, "I couldn't afford them anymore." Elliot's still upset and worried, but suddenly he understands. Cliff starts crying; Elliot holds him close and tells him it's going to be alright, that they'll figure it out. He'll help Cliff pay for his meds as much as he can. When Shu comes by with food for Elliot he offers to let Cliff live with him for a while, in Alex's old bedroom. There's options. But right now, Cliff needs to focus on getting better.

The doctors tell them that Cliff's body went into shock from stopping his prednisone too quickly. He's lucky he's not in a coma. Not only that, but the granulomas on his lungs have grown and he has new ones on his brain. Does he have headaches, they ask him? Fatigue? Hallucinations? Cliff can't bring himself to look up as he answers yes to all of them. Has he ever fainted? Had a seizure? Cliff looks at Elliot for just a second, chest burning with shame. "I think I had one before Elliot found me."

After the doctors leave, grim faced and what Cliff feels is painfully judgemental, Elliot rubs Cliff’s back as Cliff begins to gasp for air and tears stream down his face. Elliot knows Cliff’s having a panic attack and tries to get him through it. “It’s gonna be okay, Cliffy,” he says sadly. “Talk to me.”

“I never lied to you, I swear,” Cliff says. Elliot feels his own eyes fill with tears.

“I know, shh,” Elliot soothes. “I wish you would have told me, but I know you didn’t lie. You’re going to get better and this is never gonna happen again.” Cliff just cries harder until he vomits. Elliot helps him shower while the nurse changes the sheets; it’s not how he had imagined their first time showering together after getting back together might go, but he’d rather be here than Cliff be alone right now.

Cliff's woefully underweight. His nausea is so bad that he can’t keep any oral medications down, either. They force an NG tube into him, which is one of the worst things Elliot's ever witnessed. He has to stand in the hall after the first failed attempt because it's so disturbing. It looks more like torture than treatment. Eventually they get it in and start the tube feeding, but the response isn't what’s expected. They haven't even brought it up to goal rate when Cliff begins projectile vomiting the tube feed all over like the fucking exorcist. The vomit makes him choke and he coughs the NG up less than twenty-four hours after they managed to get it down. Elliot holds him while he sobs and apologizes over and over. 

"I'm sorry," he cries, "I tried to keep it down, I really did." He's distraught and Elliot does his best to comfort Cliff, but he feels like there's so little he can do. He’s never seen Cliff cry this much and it’s breaking his heart.

As a result of the failed feeding tube, Cliff gets more tests and is diagnosed with gastroparesis: paralysis of the stomach. It could be temporary or it could be forever, they say. There's no way of knowing right now, but it explains why he hasn't been able to keep food down for a while. He needs a J-tube that will bypass his stomach to give him nutrition, and he gets that surgery two days later. 

The pain is unbearable. It takes days to get it under control despite finding no issues with the actual J-tube placement. Some people are just very sensitive to surgical pain and Cliff is unlucky enough to be one of them. He's so beat down by then that he just lies in bed clutching a pillow to his abdomen and sobs openly. Nothing really comforts him and Elliot doesn't know what to do. This is scary and he feels like he can't handle it on his own. Milo and his mom give him some support, but it's weird when neither of them are fans of Cliff to begin with. Shu and Alex come by to give Elliot a break sometimes. They sit with Cliff while Elliot takes a much needed rest at home where he can shower and scream in frustration a few times. 

It feels like whenever things start getting better for Cliff, some new aspect of his illness appears and they start over from the beginning. Elliot carries a certain level of regret that he wasn't there when Cliff was first diagnosed. Maybe if he was, he could have fought for Cliff to get diagnosed sooner. Maybe he could have protected Cliff from his father more. He tries to now, when Dr. Barrows comes not to help but to yell at Cliff for being so stupid as to stop taking his steroids. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" He snarls at Cliff, who shrinks back and can't answer. "Are you trying to humiliate me?" 

"Maybe if you guys spent just a tiny bit of your fortune on keeping your own freaking son alive, he wouldn't have to ration out his meds," Elliot spits at him. He doesn't care that Cliff's father is a famous surgeon. He's left his only son to struggle all by himself because of circumstances Cliff can't control, and so to Elliot he's the shittiest quack out there. 

"I don't remember Cliff ever asking us for help," Dr. Barrows points out coolly. Elliot can't argue with that. He doesn't know for sure, but it certainly wouldn’t surprise him if Cliff hadn't said anything to his parents. Even if they would have helped, who could blame Cliff when this was his dad? "And who the hell are you?"

"He's my boyfriend," Cliff says weakly. Something inside of Elliot is mended then. Cliff, who was once too scared to tell even a random passerby that they were together, is telling his father. Then, another piece of Elliot breaks when he watches Dr. Barrows cuff the side of Cliff's head with such force that Cliff's oxygen falls off. 

Cliff yelps in pain and grips his ear in shock, ears ringing. Elliot's horrified and frozen. Who the hell hits their own son while they're in a hospital bed? The pungent smell of whiskey probably has something to do with it. "You are not my son," he hisses venomously, then leaves. His hatred lingers in the air just as strong as the smell of booze. 

"Sorry," Cliff says after several seconds of awkward silence, breaking the spell. 

Elliot shakes his head as he jolts back to reality and rushes to Cliff's side, looping Cliff's oxygen back over his ears. He hugs Cliff close, shaking with anger. "There's no reason to be sorry," he insists. "The only person who should be sorry is your dad for being such a shitty person." Cliff flinches at Elliot's strong reaction, but he knows it's not directed towards him.

“Yeah,” Cliff says uncomfortably. “I guess. Thanks.”

It takes two weeks, but eventually Cliff is discharged: into the care of Elliot and the home of Shu, because the social worker says it’s not a very safe idea for him to live alone. Cliff hates feeling like he requires a round the clock babysitter, but he knows they’re right. He can’t walk more than a few steps and that’s with a walker, he’s not steady enough to use his crutches right now. Cliff promises he’ll keep quiet and not cause any problems, but Shu tells him that he should make himself feel at home. It’s a small two bedroom and Shu can’t help much monetarily, but he promises a safe and comfortable place where there’s always enough food on the table (figuratively, since Cliff doesn’t eat anymore). It’s what he promised Alex when he adopted him, Shu says, and he can promise Cliff that too now.

No matter how much he dislikes needing the help, being in Shu’s home makes a world of difference. It’s warm and homey there and Cliff likes how he can see into the backyard from the kitchen table. There’s a bird feeder and a swingset back there, which Shu says was from the prior owner but he never removed because he had wanted kids someday. Alex was twelve when he came to live with Shu, so a bit old for it, but Cliff imagines him there anyways. Elliot and Alex are around all the time since Shu’s garage doubles as their music studio, and sometimes Cliff bundles under blankets and watches them practice. Sometimes Alex’s boyfriend Ryo is there and he watches too. Elliot drives Cliff back and forth to doctors appointments, PT and OT in the same old car they used to have so much fun in back in college. He finds every co-pay assistance program available for Cliff to utilize, but then money starts appearing in Cliff’s bank account again every month from his parents. Elliot thinks maybe his words couldn’t do much, but they apparently did something. Well, his words combined with Moira giving their father absolute hell when she found out what happened.

It’ll be Christmas soon. There’s snow on the ground and the cardinals that visit Shu’s bird feeder look so lovely and bold against the white. Cliff’s sitting in Shu’s kitchen watching them as Elliot brews tea. “Can I tell you something?” Cliff says.

“Of course. Anything,” Elliot says, carrying a steaming mug over and placing it on the kitchen table. He sits next to Cliff and leans his cheek in his hand. His green eyes are so lovely, Cliff thinks to himself. 

“I miss living together,” Cliff admits. Elliot looks surprised, but then nods.

“I miss it too.”

“Living here reminds me of when we visited that cabin upstate, all the way back in freshman year,” Cliff says. “That was the best vacation ever.”

“Seriously?” Elliot asks, smirking a little. “Even though we both had terrible head colds and spent the entire weekend in bed?”

“Yeah,” Cliff said, smiling fondly. “It felt like a real home, for the first time in my life.”

Elliot stands and hugs Cliff, planting a kiss on his temple. “I’m not sure when we’ll move in together, but we can definitely go on vacation again,” he says honestly. He doesn’t want to rush things this time, like he felt like they had the first time around. 

Cliff nods. “I’d like that.”

Elliot rests the side of his head against the top of Cliff’s head. “You keep getting better and then we can go, deal? Maybe sometime after Christmas.” Cliff hums easily in agreement. He’ll keep working hard to get stronger so they can do the fun stuff they used to do together as soon as possible.

[spencerrscardigans]

Doctors often tell patients, often chronically ill patients to stay off the social media that talks about their illnesses and to not look stuff up, and i can understand why this may be problematic but they also aren’t taking into consideration the positives and good things that can also occur from this.

POTS and other chronic illnesses are having a higher social media presence, and because of this it’s created quite a big stigma surrounding it, and people often think that these illnesses are just becoming a trend, but they don’t understand how helpful the representation is for so many people.

I do often see people in the comment section of these videos who will have one or two traits and immediately panic thinking they have these things and i can understand how that part isn’t great, but in some cases it actually is these posts online that help people get diagnoses and learn more about themselves.

I would not have been diagnosed with POTS and getting treatment if it weren’t for social media, and my doctors don’t know much about POTS so most of the tips and advice and treatment methods that i’ve found have been from social media, and i would not be where i am without it.

I struggled with dysautonomia for my entire life, and it had been established by my one doctor who actually knew about these conditions but he retired and the new doctors i was switched too don’t know much about my health conditions, so getting diagnoses and treatment has been a very slow process.

My dysautonomia is believed to have turned into POTS in early 2021 after i got covid, and for over a year i was struggling with debilitating symptoms and had no idea why. I was just trying to survive high school, and all the sudden i was getting sicker and sicker and it was causing quite the divide socially.

I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and because of it i had already been limited in my physical activity, so i was just told that my POTS symptoms were because i was out of shape.

I tried to push myself to fix this, which only ended up making me feel worse. Sometime along the road of me trying to get more active, i got a fitbit.

I started using my watch to monitor my steps and sleep, and i noticed that my heart rate would shoot up to the 150s-170s when i was simply standing still, so i sat down, and my heart rate immediately dropped to the low 100s.

I thought that this may be a glitch with my watch, but was still concerned as i was aware that my heart rate should not get that high from just standing still, so i started googling. As a result of my search, the name Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome came up. I did some reading, and noticed that a lot of the signs were pointing to me, especially with the already established dysautonomia.

I had already dealt with a lot of doctors telling me that i was just paranoid and a hypochondriac, and i knew that watches sometimes glitched or didn’t work correctly, so i went to my pharmacy and got a pulse ox, and did the same standing test and it did the exact same thing as my watch.

I took pictures of my heart rate and started recording it on the charts that my watch had, and brought it to my next doctors appointment, explained my symptoms and then mentioned that i had heard of the condition POTS, and that it seemed pretty similar to what i was going through. My doctor had my do a short standing test in the office, and i had a 70bpm increase in my heart rate.

My doctor agreed that it definitely looked like POTS and she said that i met the criteria for a diagnosis, but she said she didn’t know very much about the condition and had only briefly heard about it, so she referred me to a cardiologist in another city as that was the closest specialist to me, but they denied the referral and said that they weren’t taking patients with POTS, and they gave her a information sheet and gave her some tests to do to rule out anything else.

The tests came back, and again it all pointed to POTS, but my doctor was scarcely familiar with the condition, and wasn’t comfortable giving me an official diagnosis, so she gave me an informal diagnosis. When it came to treatments, she also wasn’t familiar with anything besides telling me to drink more water, exercise, and increase my sodium intake, and the only medication she was familiar to treat it with was propranolol, so she prescribed that, but it unfortunately didn’t help much, so i wasn’t left with much help or advice.

The things my doctor recommended weren’t enough, and because i didn’t have an official diagnosis or really any information at all from my doctors it was hard to get accommodations with school, and i wasn’t sure what else to do, so i did what doctors recommend against and went to google and social media.

It was then where i found so many people like me who i could finally relate to, and found so much information about my condition and tips and tricks to help manage it.

Because i finally knew more about how to manage my POTS, i started trying out more things and in the last year i have learnt more than i had in years of going to doctors, and i also finally had a community where i felt less alone.

I was able to advocate for myself, and two years later, this february i finally got in to see a cardiologist and now have a proper diagnosis, and he was able to provide some more insight and treatment options for me and i’m finally starting to notice some improvement and have a hopeful plan for the future.

In cases like these, social media representation of chronic illnesses is not always bad, and can in my opinion, actually save lives. If i had not had access to these communities and help, i genuinely can say that i would not be where i am at today, and i am forever grateful for the communities that have been created.

[iamyouknow-yours]

I want to get my degree and I am proud of my academic accomplishments and I enjoy doing work *when I am feeling able to*.

Crucial part of that last statement there right?

But the entire academic institution is so not catered for disabled people that it is impossible to get a degree in the manner in which would actually be comfortable for me.

I am sick at the moment (sicker than my usual chronically ill and disabled self), I have an oesophagus problem that's very awful and terrible and makes it very very hard to work, partially because I can't take all my fucking meds.

And I have to work. I received extensions for my assignments but only a week's extension (less than a week from a certain course the besties know about 😒). Which is not much and only helps marginally.

What I would actually need is to be let off the hook until I am actually better (and by better I just mean back to my regular chronically ill self). And then I'd do all the same/equivalent assignments no complaints. But the timetable would be different. And that's it.

But the university is not set up like that and it doesn't want to be. The only online university I could attend (because I receive a government scholarship that you get if you're poor enough in my country and they don't pay for private universities) is a very shit university. And I want to go to a good university, the university I am at. And so I sacrifice.

I sacrifice my health and risk burnout and risk getting covid again and I sacrifice having enough rest and seeing friends and family.

And it's just. It's a bad system.

And the really hilarious thing is, if I had more money I could afford to go to more specialists and get more tests and have my conditions treated better. I wouldn't have to rank healthcare professionals I need to see by urgency.

I just. It's a bad system. Paying for healthcare and education makes it a bad system. And it fucks over poor people. And I'm not even that poor. I'm so fucking privileged compared to a lot of people.

Anyway back to my stupid essay I go, nevermind my nausea and immense pain and exhaustion 👍

[drinkyourfuckingmilk]

If you don't mind me asking, how do you manage your chronic illness? I'm still in the process of diagnosis, but I'm starting to get pretty demoralized with my health slipping

I was referred to a endocrinologist for my PCOS and he's been amazing in terms of helping me reduce the horrific roller-coaster hormone imbalances and insulin-resistance, the only issue I'm still struggling with is the bad fatigue and hairloss (I'm lucky I've got so much of it though, it just sucks being covered in hair after a light breeze hits my head). I just try and stick to what I've learned makes my symptoms decrease or disappear like regular exercise, eating healthy, making sure my vitamins are supplemented if I'm more prone to certain deficiencies, getting regular blood tests to make sure my hormones aren't in full revolt, trying different medications that help reduce the hormones that are throwing me out of whack etc

It can be expensive to see a specialist so I sort of ration out my appointments, but if its affordable for you its worth the relief to even just have a plan in place. And sometimes you'll have harder times with the symptoms and feel like you're back at square one but being proactive with trying new health strategies with your specialist or GP will help you mix and match what works for you. when you go through a period where nothing feels like it's working, then it's always helpful to talk to someone about it.

And be careful what sources of info or support you look for online - there's so many communities for specific chronic illnesses that are full of misinformation (instagram and tiktok especially) and are just influencers disguised as experts looking to make money off you with tips that are NOT backed by science.

[stargazer-sims]

Yet more hospital staff!

Actually, I think I'm done making side characters now. I'm extremely happy with how all of them turned out, and as usually happens with me, I'm sure a few of them will be promoted from supporting cast to something a bit more important.

Anyway...

Dr. Lauren Scully, endocrinologist - She puts up with being called "Agent Scully" (but only from people she likes). She's a diabetes specialist.

Gabriel Duke, Ph.D., paediatric psychologist - He's most noted for being fluent in sign language and having an older brother who's a famous athlete.

Dr. Daniel (Dae-Won) Kim, gastroenterologist - He looks like he can't take a joke, but he's actually quite funny once people get to know him. He's most known for aging well, and for his "mail-order husband". in actuality, Daniel met his (much younger!) husband on an online dating platform. Their engagement was very short, and they eloped, after which they had a lengthy long-distance relationship while Seung-Ri finished his residency. After that, Seung-Ri joined Daniel in Willow Creek and came to work at the hospital.

Dr. Seung-Ri Park, paediatrician - Seung-Ri sometimes goes by his English name, Henry, but actually prefers his Korean name. He is best known for his May-September relationship with fellow physician Daniel Kim, and for constantly being asked by patients' families, "Are you sure you're old enough to be a doctor?" He loves being Daniel's "trophy husband" and getting mistaken for a K-pop idol everywhere they go. Seung-Ri loves kids and is trying to convince Daniel they should adopt one.

Sunday Adebayo, registered dietitian and nutrition consultant - Sunday and his team work directly with patients across various departments. Their job is to help patients develop food plans that align with their treatments, and to help them maintain good health following their diagnosis. Sunday also works with patients who have eating disorders and who are chronically ill. He's most noted for being the hospital's most talented singer, and he can often be heard singing in the corridors.

Ali Ibrahim, chief in-house legal counsel - As the hospital's primary lawyer, Ali's job is to advise administrators and staff on various legal and ethics issues related to service delivery and patient care. Ali and his small in-house legal team also represent the hospital in the event any member of staff (or the hospital itself) is involved in any sort of legal proceeding. He is the husband of paediatric nursing supervisor Laila Alhadi.

Ivy Clarke, Manager of Patient Experience - Ivy is essentially the hospital's PR lady. She and her team field complaints from patients and their families, and do their best to settle any issues before they find their way to Ali's office. Ivy is also the hospital's spokesperson, delivering official statements any time one may be required by the media. She's best known for being the plant lady; her office looks a bit like a jungle.

[streightiffsylvan]

We specialize in VR & Online art therapy for individuals, couples & family suffering from anxiety, depression, chronic illness, trauma, ADHD, PTSD, and autism.

[ruthfeiertag]

The White House just announced that President Biden has contacted COVID. I wish him a speedy and complete recovery. Because the President has been fully vaccinated (and because he has access to levels of health care few of the rest of us enjoy), he is likely to be well again soon. But even a mild or asymptomatic case can lead to Long-COVID, and we should be protecting ourselves and each other from catching this corona virus and possibly developing a permanent, debilitating condition.

Apoorva Mandavilli, writing for the _New YorkTimes_, reminds us that “for some people with certain risk factors — age, pregnancy, chronic conditions or a compromised immune system — an infection may bring serious illness.”1

If you want to know what it’s like to live with a post-viral chronic illness, read the Tumblrs of people enduring them (see the tags below), particularly those of us living with myalgic encephalomyelitis (me/cfs), the condition closely aligned with Long-COVID. (“The illness [Long COVID] is similar to myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome [ME/CFS] as well as to persisting illnesses that can follow a wide variety of other infectious agents and following major traumatic injury.”2) And while some of us are more susceptible than others, ANYONE, no matter how young and healthy, can develop Long-haul COVID:

“Long COVID occurs more often in people who had severe COVID-19 illness, but anyone who gets COVID-19 can experience it, including children.”3

The CDC article also highlights the way that “Living with Long COVID can be difficult and isolating, especially when there are no immediate answers or solutions.” It does not describe the devastating possible “side effects” of losing the ability to work, to enjoy activities, to be independent, nor of the experiences of having doctors refuse to believe one’s condition is real, of the near-impossibility of getting to a doctor who specializes in post-viral diseases (and who won’t accept insurance)4, nor of the feeling of being an inconvenience or burden to those who care for us.

“In every age group, even a mild illness may trigger a lasting set of problems. Nearly 14 million Americans, or about 5.3 percent of adults, may now be living with long Covid, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”1

Wearing an N95 might not be the most comfortable fashion accessory, but putting one on when we will be among others can save lives and the meaningful existence of the people with whom we come in contact. The inconvenience is far less than the loss of income, health, and happiness Long-COVID can bring.

************************

1. Apoorva Mandavilli. “Long Covid and Vaccination: What You Need to Know,” _New York Times_, July 17, 2024, 6:03 p.m. ET

https://www.nytimes.com/article/long-covid-vaccine.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb

2. Anthony L. Komaroff and W. Ian Lipkin. “ME/CFS and Long COVID share similar symptoms and biological abnormalities: road map to the literature,” Front Med (Lausanne). 2023; 10: 1187163. Published online 2023 Jun 2. doi: 10.3389/fmed.2023.1187163

PMCID: PMC10278546PMID: 37342500

3. https://www.cdc.gov/covid/long-term-effects/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/long-term-effects/index.html

4. “There are only a handful of specialists and clinical centers that specialize in ME/CFS around the country. Many of them do not take insurance and most have waiting lists that can be years long.” https://solvecfs.org/me-cfs-long-covid/patient-and-caregiver-resources/

[generalhealthcareinkarnal]

What are the Causes of Late Periods? A period is a natural part of a woman's life, and its arrival, or lack thereof, can be a source of curiosity or concern. While a late period might send your mind racing to pregnancy tests, there are numerous reasons why your period might be behind schedule. Let's discuss the world of menstrual cycles and explore the top causes of late periods.

Pregnancy: The Obvious One

We can't ignore the most common reason for a missed period – pregnancy. If you're sexually active and haven't used contraception, a late period could be the first sign of a bun in the oven. However, it's important to note that pregnancy tests might not be conclusive in the very early stages. For accurate results, wait at least a week after a missed period before taking a test. You can also visit or take an online consultation with our specialist doctor Geetanjali Thakur , the best Gynecologist in Karnal.

Hormonal Harmony: When Things Get Out of Sync

Our bodies are like intricate orchestras, and hormones play the lead role in regulating our menstrual cycles. When these hormones get out of sync, it can lead to a late period or even missed periods altogether. Here are some common hormonal culprits:

●     Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS): PCOS is a hormonal imbalance that affects ovulation, leading to irregular periods or their absence.

●     Thyroid Issues: An overactive or underactive thyroid can disrupt hormone production, impacting your cycle.

●     Birth Control: Starting, stopping, or switching birth control methods can disrupt your cycle for a few months as your body adjusts to the hormonal changes.

●     Perimenopause: As you approach menopause, your estrogen levels naturally decline, leading to irregular periods or their absence.

Lifestyle Choices: Big Impact on Small Cycles

Our daily habits can significantly impact our menstrual health. Here's how some lifestyle choices can cause a late period:

●     Stress: Chronic stress wreaks havoc on our hormones, including those regulating periods.

●     Weight Fluctuations: Dramatic weight loss or gain can disrupt ovulation and lead to irregular periods.

●     Excessive Exercise: While exercise is great for overall health, excessive workouts can put stress on your body and cause missed periods.

●     Diet: Crash diets or restrictive eating habits can deprive your body of essential nutrients needed for a regular cycle.

Medical Conditions: When Other Factors Come into Play

Certain medical conditions can also affect your menstrual cycle and you should search Gynecologist dr near me and get the best solution, here are a few examples:

●     Chronic illnesses: Conditions like diabetes, celiac disease, and autoimmune diseases can disrupt hormone regulation and lead to irregular periods.

●     Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID): This infection of the reproductive organs can cause irregular periods.

●     Uterine fibroids: These benign tumors in the uterus can sometimes cause heavy or irregular periods.

When to See a Doctor

While a late period is sometimes nothing to worry about, there are situations where it's best to consult a Gynecologist near you. Here are some red flags:

●     You miss multiple periods in a row (especially if you're not pregnant or breastfeeding).

●     Your periods are unusually heavy or painful.

●     You experience abnormal vaginal bleeding.

●     You have sudden weight loss or gain.

●     You suspect you might have an underlying medical condition.

Taking Charge of Your Cycle

Understanding your menstrual cycle and its potential disruptions empowers you to make informed choices about your health. Here are some tips for keeping your cycle on track:

●     Maintain a healthy weight.

●     Eat a balanced diet.

●     Manage stress effectively.

●     Exercise regularly, but don't overdo it.

●     Track your periods using a calendar or app.

●     Talk openly with your doctor about any concerns.

Remember, a late period doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. However, if you're concerned, don't hesitate to consult a Gynecologist near me. They can help you determine the cause and recommend the best course of action.

Additional Considerations

This blog post provides a general overview of common causes for late periods. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you have any specific concerns about your menstrual cycle, consult your doctor for personalized guidance.

Concerned about your late period? Don't wait!

Schedule an appointment with the expert gynecologists Karnal. Our team can provide personalized guidance and address any questions you might have. Visit our website to book an appointment today!

[whence-the-woody]

I don't think I've ever posted on here about my disabilities but I'm having thoughts today and ironically my disability has made my world very small in terms of able bodied people to talk to so going to rant into the void here

Having lots of fraudulent feelings today. Even writing this, I felt like I should put disability in quotes. By legal and medical definition I have a disability. I have diagnoses. I still don't believe they're the right diagnoses but there ya go. I have the medically approved labels of hypermobility, chronic pain and chronic fatigue (plus anxiety and depression but everyone has that lbr). I have the prescribed meds plus the extra meds to treat the symptoms of the first lot. I've been to so many appointments, seen some specialists, had my blood taken so many damn times, use aids in my day to day life and get government support.

However. I only exist in my body. And being in online spaces for chronic illnesses everyone always seems worse off then me. So I have days like today. Where I wonder if I really am in more pain then anyone else. If maybe this is just getting older. If I'm not fatigued I'm just lazy. If it's not insomnia, it's me being self destructive. It's days like today where I want to survey a bunch of able bodied people - are you in pain right now? I'm sure you're tired but what kind of tired? Could you do housework or take a shower right now? Does it feel impossible? Does your body feel heavy? How often do you have a headache or feel nauseous? Does socialising, even theoretically, exhaust you? Maybe I'm just burned out, depressed, maybe this is just how it feels to exist in this shitty world. Maybe I'm just weaker then everyone else. Maybe we all feel the same I just can't cope like everyone else. Maybe all these labels are just excuses for me to not try. If I just got over myself maybe my world would be bigger.

But I'm only in my body and I don't have people to ask. If I did ask anyone it would probably just make them sad or think I was fucking weird - I am but yknow, a different brand of weird.

Being alive in itself can be really fucking isolating and I guess I'm just feeling that today. So I post on my tumblr I've had since I was 14 like that's gonna do a damn thing. We hear about imposter syndrome in the positive parts of life but it exists here too.

This is a very familiar feeling for me. I was never traumatised enough to call my childhood bad. Was never thin enough to call it an eating disorder. Not fucked up enough but not functional enough. Not queer enough. Not sick enough. Not independent enough. Not open. Not brave. Not disliked but no ones favourite. Not Not Not. I'm tired. But the same tired as everyone else? Who fucking knows.

[crimeronan]

in a weird place with my illness currently wherein i feel fundamentally alienated from the majority of the online spoonie community because the things happening to my body are so far beyond the scope of chronic fatigue and/or general joint pain that it's like. mindboggling. like we are living fundamentally separate lives like there is very little overlap in our fears or experiences, even when we have some shared symptoms. and at the same time i am fundamentally excluded from online Very Serious Disease (TM) communities because i do not have cancer or a terminal diagnosis and my organ damage has not been quantified yet (even tho several medical professionals have agreed it for sure exists in some form) so i'm not really sick.

i'm just so tired. there's, like..... there are tiers of Feeling Sick when you're chronically ill, and from what i've seen online most spoonies are at a tier of "coping day to day, strategizing," and then people talk about the tier of "if you suddenly unequivocally know that you're going to die extremely soon, you HAVE to go to the hospital, because you are probably right"

there's a middle tier that's more along the lines of "i am not going to die tomorrow but i am going to die. i am helpless and if i don't get help from a doctor i am going to die and i am getting slowly worse because my body is eating itself and/or shutting down because i am going to die. i am in desperate need of immediate medication that i cannot get because i have to wait to see a specialist prescriber and my body will continue to slowly shut down in the meantime and i will continue to slowly die but it will be so slow that nobody will really care"

like where do i go with that what do i do with that. what am i supposed to do about the five-year survival rate for vasculitis being 78% and most of the deaths being people who couldn't see a doctor in time to get the medicine they need. while i'm waiting to see a doctor to get the medicine i need and i'm feeling things get worse and worse. i don't have any community that's going through the same thing because i'm not sick enough but i'm also way way way too sick simultaneously.

i dunno i dunno i dunno. i'm overtired which means that my emotions are fried and people are talking about disability pride month starting tomorrow and that just made me cry because some of my physical issues are so common/widespread that i Should have a community but i just. don't. i don't have a community that's specifically Mine i'm just alone out here or at least that's how it feels. like don't get me wrong i have my family and friends and support network i'm not ALONE alone and all of that is wonderful i just. feel very alone. as far as the current experience goes.

[moonbearblue]

What is Unspecified Dissociative Disorder?

I am diagnosed with this right now instead of DID and I see very little explanation of it online anywhere so I want to parrot what my therapist told me. (I am in the US and speaking specifically about the DSM and why these are diagnosed in the US. I am not sure if it is the same elsewhere.) First off, about unspecified diagnoses. My therapist said that in her training for the DSM 5 they are taught to diagnose unspecified disorders mostly as a stand in diagnosis. Meaning a diagnosis that is put down until a specific diagnosis can be made. They are diagnosed typically when there is obvious signs of a certain kind of mental illness but for whatever reason they are unable to have enough info to diagnose what it specifically is at that time. This is often very useful because you can still bill insurance with them to cover the same treatment any specified diagnosis would. As well as still being covered under ADA protections and the ability to get accommodations for jobs or school.

Unspecified dissociative disorder is commonly diagnosed before a diagnosis of OSDD or DID is made. It is also diagnosed in other situations in people without alters before a diagnosis of a different dissociative disorder is made. Not everyone with this diagnosis is a system. Because of how long a diagnosis of any dissociative disorder can take, someone may have this diagnosis for a long time. Some systems may choose not to have their records changed to a diagnosis of OSDD or DID for whatever reason even after further testing. Some systems who were originally diagnosed with this may resonate with UDD as a label more than DID or OSDD so they may consider themselves a UDD system and there is nothing wrong with that as it does not effect treatment in any way. Although almost anyone with alters will fall under the label of DID or OSDD because of how broad the OSDD-1 category is in the DSM-5. A lot of people think of the old criteria from the DSM-4 for DDNOS which was slightly different than OSDD in the DSM-5 and less broad. (The DDNOS diagnosis criteria is also where OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b comes from. It is not an actual part of the DSM criteria for OSDD 1 anymore but can be a helpful distinction.)

DSM-5 criteria for OSDD-1

Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms: This category includes identity disturbance associated with less-than-marked discontinuities in sense of self and agency, or alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia.

DSM-4 TR criteria for DDNOS-1

Clinical presentations similar to Dissociative Identity Disorder that fail to meet the full criteria for the disorder. Examples include presentations which a) there are not two or more distinct personality states, or b) amnesia for important personal information does not occur.

So if someone gets the diagnosis of UDD it will at some point, if further testing is done, likely be changed to DID or OSDD if they want it to be.

Originally in older editions of the DSM both OSDD and UDD did not exist. DDNOS was in the place of both diagnoses and became OSDD and UDD in the DSM-5 in 2013. Some systems who were diagnosed with DDNOS before then still use it as a label instead of OSDD.

In the DSM-5 there are no not otherwise specified diagnoses left anymore and they were all changed to either unspecified or other specified.

My therapist has diagnosed me with UDD for the time being because she is not a specialist in dissociative disorders. She does not have the amount of materials to test me with that a specialist or psychologist may have. She feels it would do me the most good to be diagnosed with this since the the treatment of OSDD and DID is the same and then get a more accurate diagnosis later. I can also use my UDD diagnosis to get the accommodations I need in college in the meantime. She is treating me for DID and OSDD but I will likely get a diagnosis of DID at some point I think as we definitely have amnesia. I have no idea how long it will take to find and get in with a specialist or if I will have a diagnosis of UDD for a long time but I wanted to share what I have learned. I may add more to this post later.

[enbycrip]

Yesterday I posted in a Facebook thread about “your opinion is less valuable if you’re not an expert” essentially with “yes, but with the caveat that this is much more complex with direct personal experience - notably there is a big issue with doctors, especially GPs, treating women and women-read people as unreliable witnesses to their own symptoms throughout the history of medicine which still continues today” and noted that my GP had initially told me repeatedly that my fucking sublaxions were somatic depression”.

I got a three-reply screed from someone claiming to be a nurse who said a) it’s my fault for going to a GP, not a specialist b) why am I complaining on the internet instead of “taking responsibility for my own health”? c) she disregards patients who talk about their health on the internet d) it’s the fault of people like me if the entire medical system collapses e) “your GP will still do better diagnosing other things than you do”.

And obviously I replied pointing out the truly massive unfounded assumptions she made about me, her clear lack of understanding of the U.K. medical system, and her huge logical fallacies, but honestly the gut punch yet again at yet *another* confirmation of the systemic disdain and defensiveness disabled and chronically ill people are dealing with from healthcare workers has left me feeling absolutely floored.

This was a level and detached a remark about “historically there has been a serious issue with how systemically marginalised people are treated where personal experiences are concerned, particularly in healthcare, and this still persists to this day - a notable intersection is the ongoing higher mortality rate of black women in childbirth” and the result was this vicious personal attack full of incredibly baseless assumptions.

I am genuinely sorry to load any decent healthcare workers reading this with anything else given the level of bullshit you have to deal with from our political class, but yet again I need to ask you to challenge this behaviour in your colleagues wherever you see it. Including in private spaces which patients will never see.

Because this online attack mirrors so many of my personal experiences in trying to get really quite basic healthcare. Worse yet, I *know* those experiences were serious factors in killing disabled friends and acquaintances, and I know other people who are going to suffer life-altering ongoing health effects due to them.