#One Mom&039;s Itchy Butt

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Tatt'd & Traumatized

I’ve had a theory for a long time now that most folks use tattoos as a way of showing how much pain they can take because of how much pain they are in. I’ve always thought that the more tats, the more you have let a needle jab in and out of your skin thousands of times… how many other needles – literal or metaphorical – have you been jabbed with? It’s as if we turn the Voo Doo Dolls that were our…

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Fuck Celebrities!

From Mah_Butt_Itches on TT Anybody who has read this blog, visited this blog, knows of this blog’s existence knows I have a weird thing with the Blum. If you’ve been reading recently, you know my ass has been chapped about the world lately. Now come to find out he and his buddies are totes cool with all this shit? Not the least of which is our 💰 being stolen and sent to fund something few…

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ADHD Mom Math be like….

– stop. Breathe. 1…2…3…4…. -I forgot to take my Vyvanse. If I take it now, it will take about an hour to really kick in, so there’s no real point trying to figure shit out if I don’t take my Vyvanse, but if I take it too late…fuck it, I can’t think straight. If I took my Vyvanse at 11, by 12 I should be able to figure this shit out. Maybe. -I forgot to take my Vyvanse in the span of [omg how…

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God is a Comedian

Okay, we’ve written some heavy shit, let’s do some funny shit. First and foremost: Murphy’s Law of Menstruation explicitly states – everything can go wrong, will go wrong, and then you will get your period. Don’t scroll away gents, the females in your life go through this all the time. When I can say that cramps and period shits are the best part of my week….you don’t need to have a uterus to…

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Dare you to fuck a blender

This thought, “broken, yes, that’s how the light gets in” keeps replaying. This idea that when you want to build a muscle, you break it down first. That’s how you get stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you funnier; however, it doesn’t necessarily have to be your life’s purpose. I have to wonder if the butterfly knows what’s up when it comes out of the cocoon. I’d imagine that maybe it still…

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Baby Got Beef

I would like to humbly submit my magnum opus.

Baby got Beef by Mahbuttitches

Oh my god. Becky, look at her fridge. It is so full. She looks like one of those Doomsday Preppers But, you know, who understands those preppers They only talk to her because She’s got enough TP for the Apocalypse, kay? I mean her fridge, is just so full I can’t believe it’s so packed, it’s like a grocery store I mean,…

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Keeping the Ass in Class

Keeping the Ass in Class

First World Problems: Alexa doesn’t yet understand “Play Fear Innocculum album by TOOL”. On the positive, she has not given me angry mariachi instead.

The solution to frustration is of course acceptance and shifting to gratitude. Despite the fact that my house looked like the aftermath of a frat party, there were 5 boys playing, riding bikes and having a general blast at my house, which has…

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300!!

300!! Thank you for supporting my blog, enjoy SnapCat!

Woooo!!! My blog just hit 300 followers, which is awesome because I’m currently in competition with my daughter’s TikTok. My daughter has managed to get 1350 followers taking videos of our cat because she’s a damn fine marketer and a genius (like her mother) hahahaha

Last week or two weeks ago, I changed my profile picture on Facebook from this:

To this:

I’ve had my profile picture as Jeffrey…

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You Can’t Make This Shit Up

See these pants? These are awesome pants. They are bright purple, fuzzy, AAH! Real Monsters pajamas. These awesome pants took her youngest to the bus this morning. The woman in these awesome pants had a feeling there were going to be problems, but didn’t think about pants. Because she doesn’t think about pants. Today, however, the woman in these awesome pants wishes she had selected a different…

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Narcissistic overshare *ahem* update

The long story short is: I am having an allergic reaction to Lamictal and I may have early signs of SJS.  The rash isn’t a symptom of SJS because it’s itchy, but my mouth ulcers are. SJS is a really nice acronym for a skin condition where the rash bubbles up and your skin falla off, which means the months I’ve put into yoga’ing and hiking this ass could slough off in an ER room or something.

I searched Pancake Ass, and this is better than I expected.

I would have the rare side effect of the first medication that was helping me.  I’m trying to generally make fun of how pleasant I will be on as I am ‘roiding, and the inevitable bright red shiny face.

  I am feeling more like myself than I have in the better part of a decade.  I feel as though all the puzzle pieces are fitting. All day I was starting to freak out about what happens next.  Naturally, I wandered around town misshapen and braless with an afro that would make a good pick blush, and I got over my literal and metaphorical butthurt.

I have to stop taking the Lamictal because my skin is just as important as my brain.  I gotta take steroids for over 2 weeks, I’m going to start lifting weights so I can bulk up, and I’m going to start drinking raw eggs for breakfast.  My doctor said we’re not doing anything about other meds ’til this clears up.  He said he has other medications in mind, so it is back to the drawing board, new med and all of these fun things.

Step 1 Gym

Step 2 Gun Show at Gym

Step 3, eat your heart out

I’m frustrated.  This is the 11th med, and I’m running out of __ time’s a charm jokes. I’ve been asked so many times what do I want most from treatment.  I always said stability, less depression, things like that.  Tonight, I realized the reason I’m so upset is I started cracking jokes again.  I spent a good hour in the car with my friend today and in all of this bullshit, I laughed.  I don’t want to stop laughing anymore.  Before everything “went bad” years ago, even if I was depressed, no ESPECIALLY when I was depressed, I would laugh and joke.  Unlike the apparent public image, most people with depression don’t lie around in piles of their own filth.  They may wander around secretly hiding and ashamed of their own filth with a pasted on smile making sure everyone else is great (like their afro.)  At least, that’s my experience. Everything I’ve taken has robbed me of that. Maybe it’s stupid, maybe I’m being superficial, but I if I took a med and it randomly made my skin fall off, people would say that’s not good.  I would write eloquent, yet sternly worded letters to the manufacturer. I feel similarly about broken funny bones.

Potential New Instagram Selfies

So hot.

So, that is actually an amazing positive outcome in this.  I’m so upset, I am telling you I was telling every human I interacted with how great I was doing.  I’m ordering a half pound of Genoa salami and telling the dude slicing my meat about it.  Lamictal was giving the help I needed. Giving me the baseline. The level ground to build, I can do yoga, when I do yoga I eat better, the snowball effect.  That’s the word – baseline.  I’ve wanted to feel like me, and I’ve said for so long, I DO NOT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.  I felt it with Lamictal, so I know I’ll get it again.  This setback is stinging like the onions I clearly started cutting in this post. At least I can put into words exactly what I’ve been trying to find because I found it.

It’s going to get better, even if right now it’s very itchy and possibly hairy in awkward places.

  Got any cheese for that whine? Narcissistic overshare *ahem* update The long story short is: I am having an allergic reaction to Lamictal and I may have early signs of SJS.  

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Questioning everything and deciding nothing

Questioning everything and deciding nothing

I’m dealing with a bunch of school stuff for the kids and it keeps bringing me back to these same several questions:

-Is there a better way to educate kids?

-Are we expecting too much of kids?

-When do kids get to be kids?

-When did childhood become synonymous with prep-for-adulthood? As if there is no room for anything else?

-How do I reconcile feeling like a walking “what not to do” poster…

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2 weeks to go

In two weeks, we will be in or heading to OH. PA will become past, the road becomes present, Nevada will be a destination that becomes a home.

Evan and I decided we’re going to book hotels and stuff on the road. I think times and miles will be unpredictable with three kids and us. Late is a way of life for a family of ADHD folks with weak executive functioning. In real people terms: “Clocks are…

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Wearing Yoga Pants to Actually Do Yoga?! I am presently on a roll.  That's a lie, I'm on a couch.  This weekend, I spent a lot of time outside.  

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Murphy's Law - Part 2

Murphy’s Law – Part 2

Murphy’s Law With back to school this week for my gang, I feel it is pertinent to make some additions to Murphy’s Law of Motherhood: 7.  You are not waking children in the morning.  You are waking replicants of your childhood self as punishment for every morning you ruined for your own mother. Remember, pants are the enemy and as a perpetrator of the pants, you will be punished for your crimes.…

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Succulent Project

Planted the succulents with the Poopies today!! It was quiet and peaceful for like 45 minutes!!!! They were occupied and building.  This is mine This is Barrel’s This is Shock’s This is Lock’s Here’s them all!!! Got the bowls at Walmart for 3 bucks, stones were .97 a bag, and actually Walmart has cute succulents occasionally, but I went to the nursery so we kind of made a day out of that and the…

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One Mom's Itchy Butt #12

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #12

Continued from Yesterday… Have you ever thought about how you treat yourself? I’ve been doing a lot of study/work on the inner child, and I embraced the notion of re-parenting your inner child.   It all started with the simple suggestion to ask myself, “What do I need today?”  I started my day journaling it to myself, and it has been enlightening.  For one, I have a severe, SEVERE addiction to…