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starry-bi-sky · 1 month ago

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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

#mxtx svsss #svsss au #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #luo binghe #disciple shen yuan #scum villain #svsss #*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival #and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst #he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna #see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i #*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM #i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways #so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt #revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about #demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he #couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss #this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on #his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]

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faceless-ghostt · 2 months ago

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well... welcome back to Meme redraw hell ig. Pt 5

will these ever end? idk, probably ┐⁠(⁠´⁠ー⁠｀⁠)⁠┌

(references and rambles under the cut)

I'm still not completely happy with how I draw Thad but I'm getting there slowly, incredibly slowly. Same with Kon, he's not there yet but he's much closer. and I swear that isn't the usual outfit I draw him in, I swear I can do better ToT

Mindless rambles about my struggles with designs aside I've been trying to post more, mainly to get me back in the habit of drawing, but I am working on a larger, not large, but larger project that may or may not have to do with a Young Justice 98 and FNAF mash up and one of the characters is absolutely fucking me over. So I'm just doing easy drawings until my brain agrees with my arms enough to actually draw what I want to draw. I don't think these drawings are things I'll put on the Internet because they are just random drawings, but I'll probably share them to the YJ98 discord server. but I personally think this is a fun AU I am currently making and it will be forced on the world soon, kicking and screaming.

idk why I'm even rambling, probably because it's 2:30 in the morning and my brain is melting from multiple weeks of shitty sleep but ajdgakudgshsixhsv

uh, shameless plug moment, Join the YJ98 discord server that is pinned on my profile, it's fun and great and I want to yap with more YJ fans!

#you can pry Thad from my cold dead hands istg #however please take the hideous bowl cut adjacent hairstyle he has #he can do better #Bart is my child and because of that i give him a lot of access yo violence against Kon #at this point it's a little concerning how often i draw him hitting Kon over thr head with something #Kon is about to get brain damage from this boy istg #the kill image was forced upon me once again recently and all i could think was Bart #it's low-key unhealthy how i see something with even a slight chaotic energy and go 'heh bart core'#someone save me #dc impulse #bart allen #bartholomew allen ii #bart allen fanart #dc impulse fanart #thaddeus thawne #thad thawne #thad thawne fanart #kon el #kon el kent #kon el superboy #kon el fanart #superboy #superboy fanart #young just us #young justice #young justice 98 #young justice 1998 #young justice fanart #yj #yj98

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front-facing-pokemon · 10 months ago

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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this #also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids #in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game #the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who #really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks #phantump #HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all #and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible #and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images #i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha #i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said #“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this #and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that #once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine #i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a #script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the #queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them #then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses #because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here #just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially #made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened #i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now

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drumlincountry · 1 month ago

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I am at the stage of trauma recovery that feels like reattaching previously dead limbs.

#I keep having this mental image of like. A girl who was sliced clean in two vertically #And one half exists independently as an almost-functional half-girl #And the half-girl looks like a complete girl from certain angles. And bloody raw mess from others.#Trying to live life. Frustrated a lot of the time that she can't do the same stuff as other people can #Because she's only half there!#The other half issss not quite dead but also definitely not attached. Dismembered in a box #Ah you know how it is. You're an opinionated and outspoken child in an abusive home. People are going to chop bits off of you.#And some of what I knew as healing was taking bits out of that box and slowly painfully sewing back on like. Chunks of spleen and lung.#But some of it was really just growing a callous over the gooey parts #Which did stop me from bleeding out! But now i'm on limbs and i'm having to cut through the callouses too.#Piecing the two halves of my head together. Great big ugly seam running right down the middle. Holding it while it heals #Once again. hugely recommend Pete Walker Complex PTSD book #Me Fein #I also recommend everyone who ever wronged you saying: i'm so sorry you were right the whole time.#But I understand i'm in a unique situation.#Its like #Really really really good #Trauma

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bonefall · 10 months ago

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Is there a cat in cannon who got a good death who you think didn't deserve it? Especially if they committed crimes?

Tom the Wifebeater and his redemption death. No question. It's not even close.

Not only do I reject to the "redemption death" on the grounds of it being Tom the Wifebeater who is bullying others until his dying breath, even taunting Thunder about Turtle Tail is dead and the kits must be very torn up about it, but I reject "redemption through death" entirely. I don't like it in stories. It's a theme I deeply object to.

And again it's fucking wild that every time a character is a father, even if they are a wifebeater or a child abuser, the writers think that it bestows a glimmer of goodness into them which every abused child is forced to appreciate and cry about. Breezepelt, Thunder, Tallstar, Tom's children, all of them forced to reconcile and admit how much they wuv their papa.

Abusive dads in WC regularly get redemption deaths, too. Clear Sky dies saving his grandchild, Sandgorse died saving a rando in a tunnel, Tom the Wifebeater saving his daughter.

But Tom the Wifebeater is the worst example of it. Hands down.

#Though I will say it's not exactly a matter of a crime being 'too bad to come back from'#ANYONE can change.#But these ones DONT.#These fathers are *recontextualized* by their deaths and their victim is pushed into rethinking their anger towards them #IF they even had anger towards them at all. All of Tom's victims were too dead to have those feelings because DOTC hates women #And his children are destroyed when they learn that the guy they met once who kidnapped them and got their mom killed died #And that's why I generally hate redemption deaths. By their very nature they don't display what's so HARD about accountability #The changing of your behavior. Checking yourself. Admitting that your victims dont have to forgive you.#It's hard work!#It's painful sometimes! It's worth it but it's not always easy!#It's also its own reward. Your relationships improve. You feel better. You understand yourself.#but no. a redemption death is the end. You never really have to face what you did.#And I hate the way that lots of storytellers think it means it undoes the violence they did #IT does nothing. They're gone. The victims continue.#Where are my stories with RESENTMENT for that? How DARE you die for me?? How dare you run away from the hole you cut into my flesh???#You think the end of you becomes the missing piece of me?#Awful. No thankz #Bone babble #Tom the Wifebeater #child abuse #cw child abuse #tw child abuse

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crazyspookies · 1 year ago

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“You know that’s not one of your strong suits, right?“

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp77 #johnny silverhand #v #i had to take off his beard cause i was trying out some face textures #im not sure if i just...wasn't looking at him on my first playthorugh or mayb the beard was in the way and made him look more teasing #but i saw the smile this time and it broke my heart a little??? fond but also kind of sad #killed me dead #does he do this expression if you have a bad relationship with him???#im really wondering now #nope he doesn't #he throws u on the floor lol maybe thats what happened in my first playthrough?#i didn't have a bad rel with him but he also does it if you cut him off with a pill at some point #and i *think* i did that once #my stuff

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lady-dulcinea · 7 months ago

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Jessica De Gouw as Mina Murray from the 2013 NBC series Dracula

#For those who do not know: this show is NOT in ANY WAY loyal to the source material #Once again Dracula is depicted as 'tormented' and 'sexy' and now also a 'genius'#(Aaaaarrrrggghhh)#but it's not exclusive to him! Everyone gets their own character assassination.#And what they did to Lucy... I have no words #The one silver lining I managed to find was that Mina is given things to do other than pine for an awful man #She's Van Helsing's student - which is already a premisse taken directly from my dreams!#I hope some day a good series does this so I can forget about this trashfire #And... I mean #the day I don't appreciate Mina cutting up a body just assume I'm dead #Seeing her happy with her accomplishments and proving all the men wrong made me smile #It was the one thing keeping me up from the coma everything else put me through #Wilhelmina Murray #Mina Murray #Mina Harker #Jessica De Gouw #Dracula (2013)#NBC Dracula #Dracula #May 9th #Dracula Daily #Dracula Daily 2024

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majorpepperidge · 7 months ago

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The Beheaded is a simple homunculus. He meets pretty girl (not trying to kill him), he falls in love.

#Cheri Art #Dead Cells #The Beheaded #OC #The Fox #did he get snared by her rope trap initially cuz he was following her??? yes #but she cut him down once she realized he was 'that headless bloke runnin around doin cleanup duty' and left on amicable terms #and then when Fox starts chillin in the hub area it becomes EVERYONE'S problem cuz Bobby is like '!!! time to turn on the rizz'

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k-llforme · 8 months ago

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Evan Rosier would be the type to lick blood of a knife just because he likes it.

And Barty would die on the spot

#Barty is a strong warrior #poor barty #Barty losing his sanity once again #And then searching for a knife to cut himself just so that Evan could lick HIS blood #evan rosier #slytherin skittles #barty crouch jr #maraders era #rosekiller #skittles squad #marauders #rosier #hp marauders #maradeurs era #dead gay witches #dead wizards from the 70s #dead gay wizards

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katierosefun · 7 months ago

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my boy only breaks his favorite toys hurts more as a marvey-coded song because. what if i said that when harvey was playing pretend with mike that they could pull off the fraud. that was probably when he was happiest. when i explain that mike took harvey out of his box and stole harvey's tortured heart and left all of harvey's broken parts and told him he's better off. what then!

#caroline talks #suits #no stop walking away. do you understand. do you understand.#on first listen you would think 'oh this is mike thinking about harvey'#but actually no. i argue that this is just harvey thinking about mike.#puzzle pieces in the dead of night and something. something about harvey PLAYING FOR KEEPS--#how for harvey everything is a huge poker game and how he was betting on mike staying.#something about mike running whenever harvey asked him to stay for longer. harvey's abandonment issues. do u understand.#also. 'once i fix me. he's gonna miss me.' and cut to harvey moping for all of season 8 #also just like. 'just say when i'll play again HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND DOWN AT THE SANDLOT!!!'#'I FELT MORE WHEN WE PLAYED PRETEND THAN WITH ALL OF THESE KENS!!!' DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!#something about harvey watching mike leave and mike going 'i can't do this anymore' . . .. GOD--

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andromedasummer · 10 days ago

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you know the market is fucked when youre told the number of people who applied to this job through the site youre using alone and youre one of 300+ nearly every time

#its the job cuts #the 10.000+ layoffs of public servants in this city of which i was one #and theyve (govt) announced theyre cutting MORE jobs.#including my mothers job. she'll have to go after christmas because theyre cutting down to 1 receptionist #i cannot express to you how dead it is in the center city because thousands us are without work #since the cuts started (feb/march this year) the number of people moving to aus has increased.#uni students and ex public servants just see no future here and i dont blame them. my cousin just graduated and moved to aus last week #bunch of cafes and bakeries and businesses are shutting down n blaming the cycleways like no bitch #we're in a cost of living crisis and a giant chunk of the city dont have jobs to be spending on $7 coffees #i only go out once a week. i spend the rest of my time at home sending out applications and practising my hobbies #its just not tenable

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acourtofquestions · 24 days ago

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Chapter 89

I just finished Chapter 89

#I just finished Chapter 89… I don’t know what else to say… I have a lot to say… but… like… no. Just no.#Kingdom of Ash spoilers in tag and I guess kinda post but not really #90s only gonna hurt more with Abraxos & Narene & I hate reading reactions & Dorian’s not there & Manon my love like what do we do now what #first read #reading reacts #live updates #read with me #cry with me die with me idk cause why with me all I have now is bad rhymes cause my brain has been evaporated too (too soon?)#read along #Chapter 89 #Kingdom of Ash #Sarah Jessica Maas why did you do this to me #I miss ACOTAR where no one dies #I mean it’s well written #and I’m fangirl heartbroken #but also real world crying #cathartic read world grief Maasverse moments and love and loving and hope and destruction and despair and fangirling and feels and agh #this better have a happy ending #I can’t keep calm but I guess I’ll read on #I don’t know the last time a book made me actually cry this much and broke my heart so deeply… I miss you already Asterin… Vesta… Sorrel… 13 #stupid tag letter count cut off stopping me from listing them all but my loves … always … until the darkness claims us… and even then…#I am not okay #I am dead inside #I will never recover #KoA actually stands for Killed Off All of my soul that’s what the KOA part means #SARAH WHAT DID YOU DO #I wish I could hug fictional characters #haven’t finished the book yet just the chapter that finished me #once 13 always 13 #I prefered live Fenrys since it ACTUALLY INVOLVED LIVING

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sick-ada · 8 months ago

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"ow." - frye onaga, after trying to fight a horrorboros solo

#deep cut try to fight pluto & levi once. only once.#splatoon #cicadart #deep cut #big man #shiver hohojiro #frye onaga #dont worry she's not Dead dead thats just her respawn ghost thing

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jasontoddenthusiastt · 10 months ago

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Jason never got to be 16. makes me sad.

Not to deny that Jason not being able to make it to 16 in his first life is sad, but I mean he did technically end up making it, and he made it to 17 and 18 and 21 and so on and so forth, it just happened "in round two" so to speak.

What I think is sadder though, is that depending on whether he was 15 or 14 years old when this happened: