#OR if i have actually. i was very young and all my memories are vague. yeah i think actually it might be that one.

[jollyparaphernalia]

*Inhales* Hey there, wanna see my 'In Stars And Time' AU? I call it 'Kingswap'

Hey, What's This?

My Brainrot <3 This is Kingswap: Also known as 'Hey lets swap The King and Siffrin's roles around in this play, and go from there'. There's more to it than that, but that's the premise. While 'The Guy Who Would Be Siffrin' has their life derailed in such a way that leads to them becoming the Main Villain, 'The Man Who Would Be King' likewise has his life play out in a way that has him in the shoes of a Saviour of Vaugarde.

WARNING This AU chatter post has spoilers for pretty much all of 'In Stars And Time', including stuff from 'Two-Hats'! and 'Start Again: A Prologue'. This is the Spoilers Zone. Also any Content Warnings that apply to In Stars and Time also applies to this post, just to cover my bases.

Let's Take a Look at The Stranger Who Could Have Been Siffrin:

Meet The Stagemaster. Potentially known as 'Sulking One'/SM/Don't Call Me Shirley Siffrin'. While the King and Siffrin in baseline ISAT woke up on a beach with no memories, i've decided it would be interesting to put 'Siffrin' in Corbeaux as a young adult when The Island disappears. He wakes up one day with no memories of his past, no name, and only a vague idea that he had a community in the city...that has forgotten him completely. He takes this Very Normally over the next 10 years (alongside some other...complications) and after some travelling, returns to Vaugarde to be a Menace.

He's also got some funny 'Craft Hands' that let him do things even when he has his hands in his cloak. These hands are also capable of conjuring wires/strings that allow him to physically bind/control people as an added bonus (For the Puppeteer motif) Watch the hands, Heroes!

But Wait, I thought The King Was Big, Why Isn't Stagemaster Big?

Because this tiny form isn't their 'true form'. THIS is what the Stagemaster ACTUALLY looks like, trapped in the House of Dormont by the Orb Door.

The Stagemaster...really isn't a person anymore. It's sort of debatable he was still human even before Big Mode. He can fly like this, and can control his cloak as though it's a part of himself (But he can still remove it) If you are looking at this going 'hey, he looks like a boss out of Kirby' then I did my job right. A theatre kid isn't very fun to watch unless seen, so, even before the Party gets to Dormont, it seemed fitting for SM to have a presence in Orbquest. So...Stagemaster controls a crafted avatar from afar - like playing a character in a game. There's a metaphor about disassociation from the self here. I personally love the idea of this nasty little guy interfering with the Orb Quest and antagonizing the Heroes - he is not NEARLY as powerful as his Big Form when he's Little Guy, so there's enough back and forth for Stagemaster to both be a threat, and also give some wiggle room for the Party to bully the Villain. Build up some rapport for funsies.

Stagemaster's a real piece of work. Imagine if Siffrin took all his self loathing, and then transformed that into outward loathing. If you took the WORST impulses from Loop and Act 5 Siffrin and put them in a blender, and then added a huge chip on his shoulder against the Universe, you might get the rancid creature you see here. Wet Meow Meow has transformed into a Feral Cat With Mange. And Rabies. And an impulsive urge to monologue. He doesn't even like puns!! Horrible!

The Party eventually calls him 'Smaster' for short before arriving in Dormont.

So if 'Siffrin' is in Kings place...Who or What is travelling with our beloved Party?

Meet Clovis (Named after an old King of Franks because I am very subtle). While Siffrin was a wet meow meow stray cat, Clovis is more a nervous dog. The King's explanation behind why he called himself The King seemed very utilitarian to me in ISAT, like he wanted to embody his role completely. So...here, Clovis puts all his eggs into his identity as 'Knight'. He doesn't serve anyone, he's just really into the idea of a brave, heroic persona. He's...very awkward and nervous, and often falls back onto 'what would a more brave, knightly sort do?' to make up for the fact his entire life was carved out of his skull with a spoon.

Look at this, took a perfectly good villain and made him a blorbo. Look at him, I gave him anxiety and sword autism. Like Siffrin, the party grows to love their weird wet dog. Mirabelle bonds over swords and anxious 'do it scared' behavior, Isabeau shares a 'battle bros'/'two bros sitting in a hot tub' dynamic, Bonnie treats him like a Substitute Teach ("yeah this is fine for kids c'mon lets go' 'uh, if you say so, boniface...') and Odile merrily bullies him (Paper beats rock)

Of course we need the Don Quixote reference. (He lost the fight, for the record.) Clovis is more than just a cute face, of course. Even he has his secrets.

Something is wrong here. Something wrong with him, maybe. Maybe he isn't supposed to be here.

Much like the King, Clovis also knows he's missing important things from his life, and has taken great effort (and personal injury) to keep what bits he can close to him - even when he really shouldn't.

The Party keeps Clovis from the Headache books not because they don't think they matter, but because the party doesn't want Clovis to hurt himself. They joke that he's an amnesiac prince from a far off land, but, well, at a certain angle, that's sort of the truth, isn't it? Clovis isn't a trap master like Siffrin, (or nearly as fast) but tends to walk as the lead of the Party because he's a Very Durable guy with some armor and protective Craft, so, any traps that explode in his face are easier to shrug off, and those that aren't...well, he's got quick reflexes.

But Wait! If The King is the looping hero, and Siffrin is the Big Evil Bad Guy, who does Clovis get as a Guide?

It's good ol' Loop! Our Loop, the Loopert we love and adore. SURPRISE! I fooled you!! This AU isn't meant to be a thought experiment, it's actually an overly elaborate way to give Loop as much psychic damage as physically possible!!

What's worse than having Another You take your place? Having a Tiny Version of your Nemesis take your place, earning the love and affection of your beloved family instead of you!

(They call him 'Princeling')

Needless to say, Loop and Clovis' dynamic is what we call in the scientific community fucking atrocious. Clovis wants to put his trust into this Guiding Star, and Loop is far, FAR worse to Clovis than Loop would be to a Siffrin. Loop may not be able to guess every single thought Clovis has, but any anxiety that is a reflection of Loop/Siffrin will be mercilessly picked apart with a smile. It's hate at first sight. At least Loop can take solace in the fact that Clovis is just as clueless as Loop/Siffrin was in their loops.

Clovis meanwhile is just intimidated. A guiding star of the universe?? And they hate him already??? 'Ohh...I really messed up already, haven't I? What'd I do???' Anyways, that's all for now. I just really wanted to get my initial brain worms out of my head and into the world. Please enjoy. If I do more posts like this, i'll prolly tag it as 'isat Kingswap au'. okay byyyyyyyyyeeeee thanks for reading! And thanks to the AU channel of the ISAT Discord for being so supportive of my brainrot!

[backwardshatnick]

𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝖻𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗎𝗉 (𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝗂 𝖺𝗆 𝗌𝗆𝗂𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇)

in which matt works for a call centre of your phone operator.

pairing: call centre representative!matt x customer!reader wc: 1.7k notes: fluff, flirty!matt, frustrated!reader (it's just lacking another one of my favourite F words), use of the name bernard, mention of physics that gives me whiplash 🤓 series masterlist can be found here! [divider credits to: @strangergraphics]

“Shoot,” you grunted, sigh after sigh leaving your mouth before you screamed into your pillow. Your hair was a mess, the mug of warm lavender tea long forgotten and cold by the table lamp while your laptop screen was stuck with the face of your Classical Mechanics professor but his booming voice still on-going despite the scratchy and crackly quality until it finally stopped.

You had done all your due diligence, rebooting the modem, resetting your router, checking your network configurations and even switching to the dorm’s weak internet to your own phone hot spot, but nothing was working despite the full four white bars next to the name of your phone operator company’s name, Cell4. Leaving the dorm just to go to campus’s library is a hassle as this lecture was about to end in 45 minutes. Scrolling through your contacts, you finally found the Customer’s Support number from Cell4 that had been automatically saved when you had registered for your phone number the very first time you held the small pink Samsung in between your fingers.

The dial tone was crisp and audible, the typical hold music dancing through your ears before you were greeted with a woman’s synthetic voice asking you to press certain numbers to fit which representative you were supposed to solve your mobile issues with. It did not take long as you finally heard a gentle and warm voice saying, “Thank you for calling Cell4, this is Bernard speaking. How can I brighten your day today?”

On Bernard’s, or Matthew’s side, there was a moment of static, a slight spark followed by a small, frustrated sigh crackling through the line.

You finally stood up from the wooden floor of your room, back now resting against your bed with your index and thumb softly pinching your nose to ease the stress. “Hi, uh, sorry. I think my internet’s having an absolute meltdown. I’ve tried everything but it seems like I have to use the dial-up internet cause it’s acting like it’s stuck in 2009.”

Matt leaned back in his headset, the corner of his mouth rising up into a cheeky smile after making out the frazzled but clearly young voice. This was finally his time to shine and crack some jokes that were rarely appreciated by his older customers. He cracked his knuckles before clearing his voice to answer, “No worries at all. You’re talking to someone who as a kid dialed his computer teacher in primary school thinking that the internet was monitored by them. You’re in absolute good hands, miss.”

A chortle fuzzed through his headset as you replied with a similar manner to ease the situation, “Are you guys trained to do that? It’s in the manual?”

“Oh, absolutely. Step one: sound vaguely competent and then proceed to step two…” Matt said, his voice trailing off, making you curious.

“Bernard? Are you still there?”

“I was just messing with you. Step two was actually to charm the caller until they forget why they called and were mad in the first place.”

You couldn’t hold in your laughter, bright and clear through your receiver which made Matt break into a wide gummy grin, “Alright, alright Bernard from Cell4. How do we fix this?”

Matt chuckled on the other end, flipping through a binder that had the step-by-step guide to fix your potential problem. Although he knew everything by heart and memory, it was always a habit of him to have something to fiddle with in his hands, which was partly a reason why he got transferred to customer service when his supervisor had found him tampering with the wires and chargers of the display phones.

The sound of the crisp pages flipping could be heard on your end, your dubiousness slowly growing as the phone call quality was oddly good. But it all soon went away as Matt asked you his first question.

“Well, I am going to be asking you some highly complicated and mysterious questions, like… is your modem plugged in?”

“Wow, so we’re going straight to the hard stuff, huh?” “I told you, we’re not playing games here,” Matt answered, fingers still folding and unfolding the corners of the customer guide.

The call proceed for the next six minutes, him guiding you through restarts, reboots, resets and other obscure steps involving buttons and wires you had no idea even existed. Despite his constant jokes, Matt still explained things clearly and earnestly, never sounding annoyed and even calling the internet an “anxious printer who can sense your fear.”

With his guidance, your frustration soon fizzled away. Your complaints and whining disappearing and replaced with strings of laughter and pain in the cheeks. You were sure that your left shoulder was going to be strained tomorrow morning from constantly leaning your neck against it to support your phone in between your ear, but Matt was making it all worth it. Eventually, his help had paid its price when you could see not only he face of your professor, but also his slides where he had already jotted with scribbled numbers, enthralling mathematical symbols and diagrams which could easily be mistaken with a 19th century mathematical discovery.

Matt could hear the voice resonating from your laptop and uttered, “Finally back from the digital afterlife?”

“Thank you so, so much Bernard,” you said, hoping the smile that you had on your face could somehow be heard through his headset, “I can now finally continue listening to my riveting lecture on Euclidean space.”

“Whoah, slow down there Einstein. It’s part of my job. I only expect a Bernard shoutout when you get to do your valedictorian speech,” he teased.

You let out a soft giggle, “I definitely would. After thanking my pug, Mr. Winston and the girl who wiped the lipgloss of my teeth during orientation.”

He stood up for a moment to straighten his back and excitedly answered upon hearing the word ‘pug’.

“Wait, you have a pug called Mr. Winston? I have a stuffed pug called Mr. Wrinkleton!”

“For real?” you said, back straightened as well. “And you’re not offended that you’re gonna be the third person I thank in my speech?”

“You got me with the pug so it doesn’t matter anymore,” he chimed, the gummy smile still evident on his face.

Your face was also plastered with a grin, the excitement buzzing through your body. Bernard, or Matt, is an anonymous entity, but the thrill of his anonymity, with no face claim gives you a kick of confidence to enjoy the conversation without having to be worried about being perceived. The silent pause that you both shared was not awkward, but you both knew that his job here was done but none of you were quite ready to hang up just yet.

Until Matt broke it first.

“So… I can’t legally say this or HR is gonna be at my as- I mean my coattails,” he corrected, knowing that all his conversations are indeed recorded if complaints were to arise from a poor survey and one-star review to the company. “But I feel like I owe it to the future valedictorian that your laugh might’ve fixed my boring night more than I fixed your internet.” You blink once. Twice. Your cheeks now reddening.

“Are you flirting with a customer, Bernard?”

“I am just expressing my appreciation, professionally, for the sporting attitude and well-timed giggles that we had shared, professionally again, of course,” Matt answered proudly.

You laughed again, this time louder before coming up with an equally charming and professional reply, “Well, Bernard from Cell4, I would say that you are my go-to if I ever need help with anything.”

“You know my number. Same jokes, same charm every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday until 7pm.”

There was slight hesitation when you wanted to answer him, but you only live once and it had been a long while since you had such a good laugh now that it is almost finals season.

“Hey, so, um… I know that there’s going to be a survey at the end of this call and my internet package is limited to only 50GB per month… Do you think I can get bonus data if I say that you’re very, very, very helpful and maybe also kind of cute?” you said, stretching the ends of your words.

Matt was basically cheesing now through the mic, now clearing his throat before muttering, “Only if you spell ‘cute’ in all caps.”

“100%,” you replied, the physics lecture only now jumping into your senses when you could hear the professor mentioning the potential topics during your exam, “I should probably go now and pretend to be a competent student.”

“And I should go back and take another call while pretending to be a competent calls rep who pretends to not miss this one.” You could hear your heart skip a beat, the warmth coming up to your cheeks as your stomach felt giddy with butterflies.

This is just another phone operator representative. A different kind of smooth operator.

“Talk soon, maybe?”

He chuckled, “Only if you’re breaking up now. Because I think I am smitten.”

“Bye, Bernard,” you giggled, tapping on your phone to let the call end before he could give you another one of his charms, fingers immediately going to fill in the survey as your lecture played in the background like a podcast.

You knew that Cell4 usually sends in a reply whenever a survey has been successfully received, but this time it was a lot special. And unusually fast.

Putting down the pen that you had in your hand from copying your professor’s slides, you tapped on the green Messages app where you got a text from Cell4.

Thank you for your call. We hope your connection stays strong. P.S.: And so should ours. - M. Bernard ;)

Maybe losing the internet was not so bad after all.

But is M his last name, or is it Bernard? The curiosity itched your brain, but you knew that you could count on your detective of a best friend to search for him on Instagram.

The internet really does wonders to people, doesn’t it?

📤 @vanteguccir

[peachdues]

I took several angsty showers this week which resulted in more writing for The Divining Rod. Have fun deciphering this. @amywritesthings this is for u, I will be in your DMs later.

TW: memory loss • self-harm • very vague references to past torture that will NOT remain vague when the story is actually published

READ THE PROLOGUE

“The snake pressed me into the wall. Quiet. We had to be quiet, or else we would be found.”

Deep inside his chest, Obanai’s heart skitters to a halt.

“He asked me to show him. Let me see, my sweet,” you warble, a near perfect imitation of the maze demon’s hiss. “Show me your Hashira and I will let you see the sun.” Your lip curls into a faint smirk. “It was a trap. I may have been in the dark, but I was not blind.”

There is a faint ringing in his ears; a dull whine that steadily grows louder, as all his strength seeps from his limbs, curling his shoulders forward.

“But I slipped; I said a name.” You whisper in horror. “The snake told me not to open my eyes, but I said a name. And the demon heard me.”

It takes everything in him not to rip his bandages from his face and vomit all over the floor. To your credit, you remain utterly oblivious to his suffering, though Kaburamaru untangles himself from your arm, his tongue flickering nervously to taste the thickening air.

Kocho must sense what is coming, too, for she steps forward. “Y/N — perhaps that’s enough for right now —“

“There is no Obanai.” That far away, haunted look of yours has returned, only now, tears fill your wide, unblinking eyes. “There is no Obanai. I promise. There is only a snake whose face I am not allowed to see.”

“Y/N,” the Insect Pillar’s voice is clear and firm even as Obanai’s legs threaten to give way from beneath him. No one notices as he backs away, horror roiling violently in his stomach, hot and acidic. He wants to rip himself open, crawl out of his own skin and slither into whatever dark hole was out there for scum like him.

“There is no Obanai.” Your shoulders begin to shake and your breath turns choppy. “There is no Obanai!”

The Snake Pillar’s heel barely makes it past the door’s threshold when it comes. That now too-familiar splintering in his chest that he’d learned meant you, too, were about to fracture; shatter. Your last fit had been a tearful disaster, your hands tearing at your hair in an effort to make the fragmented pieces of your mind fit back together into something you recognized.

This time, you explode.

Kaburamaru winds himself around his leg, his face turned away to the hall, unable to bear the sight of your thrashing. But Obanai cannot look away; he is doomed to watch as Kocho and a flurry of her young apprentices converge around your hospital bed right as you begin slamming your head back against the headboard over and over, your defiant scream that he does not exist splitting his eardrums.

[weebsinstash]

They often say food can be a language of love, and one of the things that started driving Suguru into a deeper depression was eating curses that tasted horribly disgusting and then also not being able to eat normal food, so I was thinking about a story concept where Reader through whatever means can actually give Geto his sense of taste back and actually ease the discomfort he experiences when eating curses, and he forms a deep gratitude/obsession/love because of it

Obviously i publish yandere stuff but it doesn't mean up in Brain Land that I don't think of other ideas, action, adventure, what not, and recently I've been thinking of -also this was kind of for yandere purposes too actually lmao- Reader having a technique along the lines of "Cursed Memory Manipulation"

You can manipulate curses just like Geto, only you do it by affecting their memories into thinking you're an ally or friend or master or whatever gets them to obey. There are limits, but if it's some mindless creature, you're basically a Pokemon trainer. But I was thinking, can you imagine being his classmate who he has way too much depression to fully pay attention to, he's eating less, he's losing weight, losing sleep, and one day you're eating lunch near him and see he's struggling to keep food down, and he leaks vague details about how he keeps thinking about the taste of curses and how food doesn't taste the same.

Here you are, genuinely wanting to help him, just casually like, "well, what if I take a bite of this food, and then when you take a bite, I put my memory of what it tasted like in your head while we eat together" and it's some spur of the moment idea that he's too tired to argue against you about, so he does it to humor you and get it over with and. It works? It actually works??? He can taste and the world is beautiful again?

Oh sure, it starts off sharing lunches with him, but he's basically unable to normally eat without you, so, he all but glues himself to you at all times so you can eat all your meals together. At his worst, a yandere Geto would just immediately outright insist on if not demand marriage, because how ELSE are you two going to share every meal together? He may even force you to cook for him to make the meals you two eat all the more special. You're just his little Patron Saint of Snacks who can actually give him an appetite again

And I guess as a bonus, the idea I was originally tacking the concept of Cursed Memory Manipulation onto was, vague but, it was the idea of, what if Reader is losing a fight and is at genuine risk of being killed and you use your technique to fill your attacker with memories of you, and maybe you don't exactly have time to think and it turns out to be something really personal, something really intimate, whatever can get this person or creature or curse or whatever to stop attacking you. Sukuna suddenly remembering you as an old flame who he suddenly has too many fond memories of fucking to simply kill you. Mahito stops himself from slicing you open when he's suddenly recalling playing all kinds of games with you, running around as kids, memories of a childhood that didn't exist yet appeals to his young heart.

It's also totally different but I've also thought about 1. What if Sukuna gets in Itadori and finds out the young man isnt all there when it comes to you with Sukuna absorbing some of Yuuji's feelings for you, and then when he jumps to, his current host, HE ALSO had feelings for you, so now Sukuna is like secondhand driven mad with yandere fever and 2. What if after Kenjaku bodysnatches Geto, he runs into you again one day and all of Suguru's repressed and Strong STRONG feelings for you start surging forth and Kenjaku just HAS to keep you around as his new pet at the very least because he just can't shake all these new obsessive thoughts and the literal goosebumps he gets when he looks at you

[thecircularsystem]

Over-Reliance on Pathologicalization

I see frequently in system spaces this need to prove oneself, or ones opinions, through a medical lens. I do not believe that this is a good thing, and I think it's actually frequently indicative of the trauma so many of us have experienced. I wanted to write a post about my thoughts, both about the over-reliance on medical sources as proof and the over-pathologicalization of symptoms. Be warned, this is about to get heavy on the vocabulary!

TL;DR: Uncertainty in life leads to fear, which leads people to try to validate their experiences through something that feels less uncertain — such as medical articles. This leads to a circular thought that everything is medical because everyone is trying to prove things medically. It’s important to seek internal validation instead.

I am of the belief that frequently (though not always), the need of systems to have a medical source to back up every opinion they have is based on the fear they have surrounding uncertainty. Uncertainty has been a major stressor in my life; it leads to me feeling unsafe, which leads to trauma triggers frequently. I believe that, in order to feel less uncertain, traumatized individuals (or simply people who fear uncertainty) rely on what they believe to be more concrete, less abstract, "solid proof." There's many issues with that -- primarily that medical sources often are not the solid proof an individual is looking for - that I'll get into in a moment. First, I want to play out a scenario to really highlight what I mean here:

A system has memories of being a system at age 6. They're vague and uncertain memories, but they feel like they were a system then. However, they've seen people get fakeclaimed often online for being "to young" and having a system at a young age. This makes them fear they are not a system; they struggle with self doubt. This leads them to seek out validation from someone they trust more than themselves -- namely, someone they feel cannot be argued with, an authority. They look up documents and papers, blog posts and mythbusting, and they find things that support that DID forms due to trauma from ages 6-9. They taut this as their evidence, making large posts about how DID forms due to trauma from ages 6-9.

Then, this system is confronted by an individual who states they are diagnosed with DID, but did not have trauma from ages 6-9. Their trauma came long after this. To accept this fact about the new user would require the system to return to uncertainty; it would require them to admit that their source does not prove that they are valid; it just speaks to an idea/concept. So instead, they double down and insist that DID can only form between ages 6-9 due to trauma. Eventually, they are provided a source about how the age range goes up as high as 12 years old, and they apologize for the original post -- but this is not going to help the bruised feelings of everyone who was hurt in the rampage of uncertainty.

In the above scenario, uncertainty is to be avoided at all costs; it feels unsafe and dangerous, and therefore, must be erased. Things must be proven, somehow. However, there is no proof of certain topics in syscourse. I chose an example I see pop up now and then, based on the DID-Research.org links I see float around often, and I think it very well highlights how the reliance on sources that appear to have authority (regardless of if they actually do or not) impacts system spaces. Every opinion is somehow now treated like a fact that must be proven with science.

The pipeline is blatantly clear. Uncertainty --> Doesn't fit Window of Tolerance --> Uncertainty goes away after finding any certainty, regardless of the validity of the source --> Questioning reactivates uncertainty --> To avoid discomfort/distress, the certainty from outward sources is doubled down on.

The issue being that many times, the sources fall into various categories:

Not actually medical

Not actually saying what is being said

Not actually medically valid

Incredibly old or outdated

Incredibly narrow

And plenty more where that came from.

However... I see those who combat this lack of certainty, and I frown, because oftentimes, they rely on the exact same pipeline. The act of combating this lack of certainty with medical sources proving the other sources wrong, at best, continues the other party's reliance on medical sources as the end-all-be-all of certainty. It continues the seeking of external validation, which isn't actually beneficial.

Now, to get this out of the way: I am very blatantly not saying that medical sources are a bad thing. I use them frequently in discussion, I reference them myself, and I find reading them fascinating! I just think that, sometimes, it should be acknowledged that anecdotal evidence is also valid. Medical sources do not validate my own personal system experiences. They give guidelines for medical patients and studies, but I am not the participants of those studies; if I want, for instance, proof that my trauma is what led to my DID, I will never find that in a medical paper. I will never find proof that I am a DID system in those pages. I must seek my own internal validation.

Which is where the over-pathologization of systemhood comes into play in the community frequently. Every symptom of this disorder show needs defended; every aspect of my disorder needs medical validation. This is pathologizing things that… don’t always need it.

For instance: sign offs. “Sign offs increase dissociation!” Yep they can! Congrats. They also help alleviate dissociation sometimes. “But here’s a source on-“ May I ask why you’re pathologizing sign-offs?

By pathologizing, I mean, “turning a normal thing into a medical problem to be solved.” I see singlets sign off on things, even singlets with dissociation, but I don’t see them getting told it’s making their functioning worse. I can guarantee there’s not been a study done into the impact of signing off on a tumblr blog on an individual’s dissociation — nor should there be. It’s a ridiculous waste of resources, because signing off on a post isn’t a pathological problem. It’s… it’s just a thing people do.

Not every aspect of a pwDID’s life is going to be shrouded in recovery from symptoms. Sometimes they’re just existing.

I feel like insisting that everything needs to be proven medically leads to this circular reasoning that, by that token, everything is medically relevant. If you struggled more due to proxying, the need for the validation of certainty leads you to pathologize the act of Using A Username, and seeking any medical sources that could be potentially interpreted as being in agreement with you.

At the end of the day… so little of that matters. What matters is for each system to seek their own internal validation; to be at ease with themselves without giving into the need to seek out an “authority.” You already are the authority in your own life! You’re the one experiencing it.

[achaotichuman]

How to ruin both your ex's lives in six easy steps

For Day 1 of @tamlinweek, prompts are Change/Forgiveness, I took both elements and incorporated them into this oneshot. My apologies for the late entry.

A/N: This is based off of Married In Red a fantastic visual novel based video game with a very compelling story and excellent art. Could not recommend this game enough. I thought the premise fit Tamlin/Rhysand/Feyre very very well and ofc I had to add my own spin to it and spread the transmasc Tamlin agenda.

This story will contain some spoilers for Married In Red, so if you plan on playing it, I recommend it doing that first then reading this.

Also in case anyone reading this doesn't actually know who I am, hi I am a transgender man myself and a lot of the transphobic elements in this story are taken from my personal experiences. Okay, enjoy!

Warning: This includes depictions of transphobia specifically towards transmasc people (slurs, deadnaming etc.), and graphic violence

This is also very, very, very anti Feyre and Rhysand. I do not do them nicely here.

Summary:

How do you ruin your ex's lives all at once? How do you get back at them for every single shitty thing they've ever done to you?

You show up at their wedding, and enact a simple six step revenge plan that ensures they pay for everything, of course.

Afterall, some people don't deserve your forgiveness.

Read on Ao3 or below the cut!

Forgiveness. 

A lovely, flowery word. To absolve guilt from the shoulders of a wrong-doer, naivety said to forgive was to give oneself peace. The weight of carrying grudges wore heavy, to give it up removed that. 

People who said that hadn’t been wronged like he had. 

Some people didn’t deserve forgiveness. 

________________________

The wedding was spectacular, no expense had been spared in its making. White blooming flowers speckled with blues filled the gaps in between the lace decor and silver details. Dark wood floors shone like they’d been scrubbed for hours, the flowing grass covering the rolling hills that framed this remote location were the cherry on top for a wedding that seemed plucked out of a twenty year old’s moodboard. Even the air seemed sickeningly sweet, like sugar and bubblegum. 

He stepped through the large archway doors, into the open, large hall filled with laughing guests, men and women who stayed to their respective cliques and chatted idly as everyone awaited the ceremony which was to take place in under a half hour. 

Some eyes were drawn to him, a few he vaguely recognised didn’t seem to hold the same faint memories of him he did of them. They narrowed their eyes and watched his stride as he walked through the room that did not welcome him. But it was always easy to ignore Rhysand’s acquaintances, none of them were smart enough to question his presence, so they turned their eyes away once the novelty of watching a stranger in their ‘friend’s’ wedding wore off. 

Then he saw her. 

She was smiling brightly, framed in a long white dress that was so simple, so plain it looked tacky on her. The white so bright and unused it almost resembled plastic, the neckline low, and backless, with a tulle headdress that sat poofy atop her head. 

He knew she (or her new husband) would have spent thousands on it. All blood money from Rhysand’s father who’d be slinking around here somewhere. She didn’t care where the money came from, so long as a small percentage was performatively thrown to the sick and poor every few years. 

She fit in well with Rhysand’s friends, she too wasn’t smart enough to look beyond the surface. 

He clenched his fists in his pockets. 

She turned to him. 

And those bright blue eyes, so full of new young love, turned to horror. 

“You.” She breathed, tone accusing. 

Tamlin grinned, “Me.”

Her freckled face turned bright red with burning hatred, she stormed up to him, heels clicking against the wooden floors, “Why are you-”

“Feyre?” Another voice, a very recognisable voice chimed in, with the same ear-piercingly frustrating tone. 

Feyre’s eyes instantly turned towards Rhysand who had materialised out of seemingly thin air. He stood by his soon-to-be wife, taking her hand in his, “Is there an issue here?” He doesn’t recognise me, Tamlin thought. Though that was to be expected, they hadn’t seen each other in years. 

Feyre took in a deep breath, then indiscreetly whispered in a voice just loud enough for Tamlin to know she meant for him to hear, “Did you invite him?”

Rhysand looked towards Tamlin, furrowing his brow as he studied the blond man intently, “Not that I-”

“You did.” Tamlin answered for him, retrieving the invitation he had pocketed just for this, “Signed it yourself.”

Rhysand still seemed unconvinced even though simply from a glance at the swirling silver details, anyone could make out it was clearly their wedding invite. He still snatched it from Tamlin’s grip. 

As soon as his gaze drifted over the name on the invite, Rhysand’s face when white. 

“Tatiana?” The way his voice turned to a squeak was almost comical.

Tamlin’s smile got wider, “It’s Tamlin now. Your dear wife-to-be would know that though.”

“Tamlin?” Rhysand’s voice got even higher. 

“How did this happen?” Feyre demanded to know, “When did you invite him?”

“I was helping my mother with the invitation list… she thought it would be a kind idea to invite her.”

Her. 

The insult was clear as day, but Tamlin was used to it by now. Though his face had sharpened, and his form now filled out his shirts and trousers in the way he wanted them too, the jabs were endless. But he’d rather die than let disrespect from Rhysand of all people get to him. 

Feyre’s eyes were so wide, her jaw grinding as she stared down Rhysand, but she smoothed out her features, and turned back to Tamlin with a small smile, “So, you are Tatiana.”

“It’s Tamlin,” The blond corrected. 

“Right.” Feyre drawled, “Tamlin.”

“If I had known who you were-” Rhysand started. 

Tamlin held up a hand, “But it was your dear mother who invited me, I wouldn’t miss her call for anything.”

The anger in Rhysand’s eyes said as much as he needed. His mother hadn’t been the one to think of inviting him. Rhysand wanted him here to rub his success in his face, he wanted to make him feel lesser, like he’d made a mistake in calling off their wedding six years ago. 

Feyre, on the other hand, bought the lie with ease, “Well… this is to be a happy occasion, I’m sure it won’t bother anyone to have you here, Tamlin.” 

“I’m certain it won’t.” Tamlin agreed, already feeling Feyre’s retreat from this conversation. 

She nodded once, then said, “Well, I must go greet other guests, enjoy the ceremony.”

“Oh I will.” He murmured, watching her as she slipped away. 

As soon as she was gone, Rhysand whirled around to face him with burning eyes, but kept a sly smile as he said, “So, how long has this phase been going on for.”

“Well, tell me Rhysand, how long did Feyre tell you we dated for.”

“Five years,” Rhysand answered, “It would have been nice to know she had a liking for women, though I suppose it matters not now. Or was this something you did to get in her pants?”

“I wonder how she’d react to hear you speaking such unintelligible nonsense.” Tamlin said, tilting his head to the side, “Feyre dated a man those five years, as you did for seven years prior.”

Rhysand outright laughed at that, “Oh, whatever you want to tell yourself, Tatiana. You were just as much a woman as any other,” He leaned in closer, “And I have many, many pictures to prove it.” 

Tamlin’s heart started thudding audibly in his ears as heat crawled up his face, “You said you deleted those.”

“Who said that? I do not recall such a thing.” Rhysand shrugged. 

Tamlin swallowed hard, “I wonder if your pretty thing knows you keep your ex-fiance’s pictures.”

“No, but it would take a lot more than you telling her for her to believe you.” Rhysand grinned as he backed away into the crowd, “Enjoy the ceremony.”

As he watched the shadowy form of the happy couple moving throughout the lively event. Charming their guests and smiling so sweetly, Tamlin couldn’t help but let it all sink in. Their lies, their insults. Years of abuse, of manipulation, of hatred and loathing, of unprocessed trauma, it all rose to the surface today. 

He was going to ruin their lives, and it was only going to take six steps 

__________________________

Step one: Kill the groom. 

This one wouldn’t be difficult, Rhysand would already be thinking of everything to do with the wedding and his brand new pet, he wouldn’t see a slash coming. But first, Tamlin had to get him away from the party. 

And he needed a murder weapon. 

Something that wasn’t an outside object, one that could be traced back to here. 

So he slipped between people gathering and talking, weaving in and out of the celebrations. There was a door off to the side, with a warm glow emitting from it. He followed inside to find a small drawing room with a fireplace lit. Several groomsmen all wearing navy blue suits sat around the fire, Tamlin recognised almost none of them, except two who glanced his way. They didn’t seem to recognise him. 

Cassian and Azriel. He’d always had a problem with Cassian. The man used to have a tendency for following him into isolated rooms and down empty halls. He used to get too close and give him too many compliments. He’d openly speak about ���Rhysand’s hot wife”, even before they were officially engaged, and would stare at his chest far too much for far too long. 

Azriel, he had less of a problem with. The oldest of the lot, but he was creepy in a different way. He’d touch Rhysand, lay a hand on his shoulder or on his arm and keep it there for just enough time to make Tamlin uncomfortable. He seemed a natural at making him feel jealous and bitter but did just little enough that he made Tamlin feel crazy. 

The other groomsmen seemed to ignore him, and Cassian and Azriel had already turned their attention on the subject of conversation, dismissing his presence. 

Tamlin followed through another door that led to an empty kitchen. On a trolley sat the large, several tiered cake covered in pink and white frosting, with a married figurine couple sat on the top. 

“Tacky.” Tamlin mumbled, but then he looked around the base of the cake and spotted the cake knife. 

“Bingo.” He hummed, as he pulled out a black gloved hand to pick up the knife. He pocketed it and just before he left, he heard the mumbling conversation of the groomsmen through the wall, he barely had to put his ear to the wall to hear every detail. That might come in handy later. 

He slipped out of the kitchen back onto the main floor, and now it was go time. 

Rhysand wasn’t talking to anyone, he was stood near the entrance to the long pathway to the arch where they’d be married. Tamlin checked his watch, twenty minutes to go. He had to hurry up. 

Rhysand saw him approaching, and grinned, “Back again?”

“I wanted to speak with you, in private.” Tamlin said, his voice snappy enough to suggest urgency. 

Cocking an eyebrow, Rhysand said, “There’s hardly space to do that, the venue doesn’t have many private places. And what exactly was it you needed me for?”

“Surely you have somewhere, and I suppose you’ll have to find out.” 

At his core, Rhysand was curious. That trait override every other part about him, Tamlin knew he’d go for it. And knew Rhysand would have a locked corner they could go too. 

He grinned, “There’s a powder room Feyre was using to get ready, we can go there.”

“Lead the way.” Tamlin nodded. 

Rhysand led him to a locked off room, away from the crowds, and sealed from any noise outside. Tamlin walked in after him, feeling the cool metal slid between his fingers in his pocket. 

The door clicked shut and Rhysand started speaking. 

“You know, I always knew there was something up with you. But I honestly didn’t think you’d become something like this.” The black-haired man vaguely gestured to him. 

“I haven’t tried anything.” Tamlin said calmly, taking a few steps forward, holding his ground in a way he never would have years ago, “This is just who I am.”

“People like you have mental disorders.” Rhysand spat, “And you expect the rest of us to bow to all your little whims, while bitching and moaning about ‘what you endure from us’, you’re just pity seekers.”

“I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise, Rhysand. You were a miserable, stuck up twat when we were together and you’re the same now.”

“Then what exactly is it that you needed me in private for?” Rhysand asked, scrunching his face up, but then his eyes lit up as his face curled into a smile that made Tamlin’s blood boil, “Did you think you could get one last lick in before I’m gone from you forever?”

“I don’t even know how you’d get to that conclusion, Rhysand.” Tamlin said, turning the lock behind them shut. Rhysand tracked the motion with his eyes, that smile getting bigger, as Tamlin clenched his fist around the knife hidden in his pocket. 

Rhysand dragged his eyes over Tamlin’s form, his gaze holding a different kind of lust than what Tamlin was used to from him. It almost threw him off, how those violet eyes had changed as he stared at his chest, down his stomach, to his crotch. How disgust met hatred met hunger. 

Rhysand stepped forward, “It’s such a shame you decided to mutilate yourself, you had the most delicious pair of tits.” 

Tamlin kept his hand steady even as he wanted to shake. The man got closer, and it was then that Tamlin realised something that clearly Rhysand hadn’t quite caught on to. 

Tamlin was larger than him, stronger than him, taller than him. His head got light with a sudden rush of adrenaline as he surveyed the way Rhysand’s weaker frame moved. Even if the man was too high on power to notice, Tamlin saw it. Knew he could take him. 

There would be no more being shoved against beds and held down. No more being thrown against walls, no more being slapped hard enough to be sent sprawling across the floor. 

Now Tamlin was the threat, and Rhysand was naive, unsuspecting prey. 

No mercy, no forgiveness. 

“I’ve never fucked a shrimpdick, but first time for everything-” Rhysand’s words were cut off by a disgusting gargling sound as the cake knife went through his throat. Tamlin lunged quickly, pulling the knife out, letting the blood spray. Gurgling in the back of the black-haired man’s throat as he tried to gasp in air. 

Rhysand fell to his knees. For once in his damned life, his eyes were wide with fear. In the same way Tamlin’s had been all those years ago. He was afraid, he looked at Tamlin like he was a monster and it made him smile. 

Tamlin crouched in front of him, “Don’t bother screaming it’ll only scar your vocal cords further.” 

“W-why…” Rhysand choked out. 

Tamlin threw his head back as he laughed, “You’re still so stuck in the past aren’t you? Well, you always were.”

“You-you…” Rhysand doubled over, just managing to crane his neck upwards to watch Tamlin. 

“Cat got your tongue, Rhysand?” Tamlin mocked as he tilted his head, “You still thought that I was that bumbling fool of a girl who’d do anything at all to make you happy? Your little wife could have told you I was already more than that. Though I suppose she’ll ever get to be your wife now.”

Rhysand’s eyes were fluttering shut, and with every passing groaned, painful breath, Tamlin’s heart felt fuller. 

“Tatiana died in that car crash you got her into six years ago, Rhysand. You remember that? When you were screaming at her because she told your sister the truth about where those bruises were coming from.”

Tamlin remembered that day far more than he’d like too. The sound of the tires screeching across the rain covered roads. The sound of glass and bones breaking, then the way pain had exploded through his head and then everything had gone black. But most of all he remembered the way Rhysand was screaming curses and insults and every horrible thing his mind could come up with. The way he was grabbing his hair and shaking him so hard. 

That’d never happen again though. Not to him, or anyone else. 

Because Rhysand was now staring up at nothing at all, his breathing stopped and the bubbling of blood slowed. 

The groom was dead. 

Now onto step two: Hide the body. 

There was an empty wardrobe in the room. It wasn’t difficult for Tamlin to push Rhysand’s lifeless body into it. He took a pearl necklace hanging on a vanity next to it, and tied the wardrobe shut. When Tamlin was sure it was secure he turned to the blood on the hard floors. There was a bathroom nearby, he quickly took a black towel from inside, lightly dampened it with water and scrubbed the blood off the floor before it could dry. 

His clothes were covered in blood too. Shucking off the jacket he’d been wearing, he kept his gloves on as he carefully put the knife into his pants pocket. Then took the gloves off and shoved them into the empty bag he’d folded and been carrying in his coat’s inner pocket. 

Slinging the bag around his shoulders, he surveyed the room one last time. The door he had to keep locked to keep busy bodies out, so instead he turned to the window in the bathroom and decided to take the leap. 

The gardens outside were thankfully empty, no one noticed his quick escape from the first floor of the venue. 

Ducking around the tall hedges, he found another entry point that led back into the main room. Everyone continuing to idly chat, the wedding about to take place as planned. 

Everyone entirely unaware that the groom had been murdered and his body shoved in a wardrobe. 

But now onto step three, getting rid of the evidence. 

He went back into the connected drawing room. Those groomsmen were still in there conversing about something to do with sports. 

But the fire crackled and burned brightly. 

He had to get rid of his clothes, that fireplace was his best bet. 

But how to get them out of there… 

Tamlin heard the sound of a dog barking in the distance, and an idea popped into his head. 

He followed the sounds of a very distressed dog, and found a large labrador tied to a bench outside, eyeing the corner, around which was a table which now held the cake and other refreshments. 

“Hey there buddy.” Tamlin breathed, walking over to it. 

“You’re gonna help me with something today.” Tamlin told it, as he pulled out his less bloody glove to wrap around the handle of the cake knife. With it, he cut the leash holding the dog loose, and in a second, it was rushing towards the refreshment’s tables. 

All hell broke loose as people chased after it, and Tamlin watched with a grin as the groomsmen proceeded to run out. 

Quickly, Tamlin shoved the glove back in his bag and the knife into his pocket. Then he slipped back inside, and into the drawing room. 

Everyone had checked outside to see the commotion, now was his chance. 

He tossed the bag into the fire, and watched as sparks flew and quickly, the fabric and blood was eaten away by licking flames, reducing it to ash. 

Soon after, he heard the sounds of chatter and men filing back inside, and he quickly ducked into the kitchen once more. 

Now for the next phase, step four: Gain insight. 

Those thin walls came in handy now, as the conversation of the groomsmen drifted through. He listened intently as they discussed the events of the bachelors party that took place last night. 

“Rhysand would never do that though!” 

“Oh please, in college he was wild, and besides, it was his last night single.”

“I mean if it were me, I would have done it. Did you see her? Elain is smoking hot. I don’t know why he went for Feyre in the first place.”

“Yeah but would Elain go for Rhysand is the question.”

“Oh god no, Rhysand definitely settled because Elain rejected him. I am calling it.”

“What if she gave him one last chance last night? I mean they were talking way longer than usual. And I mean, I didn’t see them for a good half hour after we bumped into her.”

“And don’t forget she was at that New Year’s party that Feyre couldn’t go to because she was sick.” 

“Yeah man, the rumours are circulating. Thank god for Rhysand’s ass that Nesta didn’t see them. That girl hates him, she’d have everyone knowing everything in under thirty seconds flat.”

Nesta hates him, huh? 

She’d always been the smartest of the three sisters anyway. 

Now onto step five: plant the motive. 

Tamlin slipped back out into the gardens, after walking around for five minutes, he spotted a group of girls dressed in bridesmaid dresses. Amongst them was a very familiar face. One with silver eyes and the same hair as Feyre. 

He’d have to be careful in how he spoke to them if he wanted this to go his way. 

“Nesta, Morrigan. It’s been a while.” Tamlin said as he approached them. 

“Tamlin.” Nesta said, blinking in surprise, she slid onto her feet gracefully, the other bridesmaids glancing up at the two of them, “It has been a while.”

“How are you doing? I do hope the wedding preparations haven’t been too stressful.”

She eyed him with suspicion and faintly veiled hatred, they’d never seen eye to eye. Especially not after his falling out with Feyre, however the two of them were capable of being civil. 

“I am fine, the stress would be more falling on Rhysand and Feyre than anyone else.”

“Of course, it is their wedding. Stress can most certainly bring out the worst in people at times.”

“Tell me about it.” Nesta mumbled.

An in. 

“Rhysand seemed on edge earlier as well, I heard his groomsmen talking about the bachelor party, it sounded eventful.”

“What does that mean?” Nesta snapped. 

“I don’t wish to start trouble-”

“What are you alluding to, Tamlin?”

“I am not alluding to anything. I heard a few others talking about something that happened between Rhysand and Elain, it seems to be a common rumour at the moment.”

Nesta’s face with white with rage, “So it was with Elain then.”

“So it is a common rumour?”

“This is the first I am hearing of it,” Nesta admitted, “But I have suspected for a while.”

Tamlin nodded once, “Is there anything I may do to help? Some water perhaps, you appear quite pale.”

“No. Thank you. You’ve said everything that I’ve needed to hear, I must… I have to decide whether or not to tell Feyre.”

“Well… I hope the wedding goes off without a hitch.”

She took in a few breaths, “I do as well.”

Tamlin took that as his moment to leave, Nesta stormed inside, and he knew he only had a few minutes to pull off his last move to fully imbed blame. 

He had to find Feyre. 

It wasn’t difficult, her tacky dress was not unlike a beacon. He saw her inside laughing with a girl he didn’t recognise. As he wondered how to get her back into that room, he realised he didn't had too. She stormed up to him the moment she saw him. 

Her eyes went almost red, she politely excused herself, then waltzed up to him with all of the bravado of a very spoilt girl. 

“You, I need to speak with you.” She hissed. 

“Well, I’m all ears.” He said. 

“Not here, there is a locked room, we will go there.”

He grinned, and with a slight feeling of repetition, he said, “Lead the way.”

As he thought, Feyre led him into that same locked room. The smell of blood was strong but thankfully, Feyre was drowning in a cloud of her horrible perfume, it covered the scent well enough. She kept the door unlocked behind them. They didn’t have long before the ceremony 

“Cut the bullshit why are you here?” 

“I was invited-”

“You didn’t have to come. You only showed up to ruin this. To ruin my mood, to ruin my day.” She said, just loud enough to drive the point in, she stepped forward, and he stepped back. She forward, and him back. 

Not out of fear. 

But to lead her closer to the wardrobe. 

“You think everything is only ever about you, Feyre. It’s to your own failure. Everything has to be about you all the damn time, and if it’s not you make sure it is.”

“Says you. You abusive piece of absolute shit-”

“Do you go around spouting that as the reason you can shit on anyone you like? I had my failings Feyre, I will not say I didn’t. It would have been fine if you wanted to break up. But you’d break up with me, then come back, then break up again, then want me back. You went on a bitching campaign about me, then got me in bed just to go on online and spread rumours about my body and my-”

“Oh your small dick, is that what this is about? You show up at my wedding because you have a micro dick and I said as much?” She spat. 

His face went red with heat. And he suddenly wished he could ram the knife down her throat. But that would not be nearly as satisfying. 

Just get closer to the wardrobe. 

“You were holding me back.” She said.

“Is that what he told you?” Tamlin asked, “Your new boytoy. You met him at a coffee shop while I was out, trying to make something of myself, of us. You fucked him and he fed you lies when he didn’t even know me, and you ate them up.”

“Well, I can see why you didn’t want me near him. You were threatened by him, because you know first hand his success.” She said, puffing out her chest like her pathetic excuse of a man who inherited everything from his father was someone to be proud of. 

He shook his head as he laughed, “There is no saving you, is there?”

“No saving you either.” She said, stepping forward once more. “No one’s gonna want you once I’m through with smearing your name. No one will do business with you. No one’d fuck you on a street once my husband and I are done. Now, I’m going to do what I should have done in the first place.”

“And what’s that?”

“Get out, Tamlin, Tatiana, whatever. Get out before I get security.” Her eyes lit up in a way that was similar to how Rhysand’s did, or used to, “Actually, I’ll just get them anyway, the pictures alone will be worth it.”

She started to turn to go towards the door, but Tamlin called, “Can I not give you my wedding gift first?”

She turned back, “A gift?”

Just like Rhysand. 

Curious. 

“I spent so long on it, you have to see it before you get rid of me.” He said. 

She crossed her arms and tapped her foot, “Well?”

“Reach into my pocket.” He told her. 

She seemed hesitant, but curiosity won the best of her. And tentatively, her long, slender fingers felt around in the pocket of his trousers, he watched with a smile as she grabbed the handle of the bloody knife. 

When she pulled it out, her mouth fell open and those smug eyes turned to horror. 

“What.. what?!” 

“Feyre Archeron, model and aspiring actress, found at the crime scene of her fiance’s murder.” Tamlin said, “Got a nice ring to it. I’ll certainly enjoy seeing that news headline.”

“What the fuck did you do? What the fuck did you do?” She yelled. 

“Only what was deserved.” He replied, with a shrug. 

“I’ll fucking kill you.” She breathed, then she spun on her heel and lunged at him, “I’ll fucking kill you-”

Tamlin deftly pulled the pearl necklace off the wardrobe behind him, and Rhysand’s body fell out, bleeding onto the floor. 

Feyre screamed as she dropped to her knees, blood splashing against her dress. She sobbed and screamed, still clutching the murder weapon in her hands. 

Someone kicked open the door, but when they saw the scene before them, Tamlin was the one to yell.

“Get out! She’s a psychopath.” He screamed, having fallen back when he dove to avoid Feyre’s lunge. 

Feyre looked towards him with wide terrified eyes, her chest heaving with sobbed breaths, as he continued, “She killed him, and she tried to kill me too!”

Someone started screaming, another started dialing the police. He heard the panicking crowds. And Feyre, scared and panicking, got up, dropping the weapon which only held her fingerprints and ran as fast as she could. A trail of blood following after her. 

Tamlin grinned, as he watched people running from the wedding, as people watched Feyre, the woman who murdered her husband, because she thought he was cheating, run down towards the aisle, the place she would have been wed. 

He walked out and watched as she collapsed at the altar, he heard loud talking of Rhysand’s affair, of people informed by Nesta and the groomsmen of what transpired between him and Elain. 

“I didn’t do.. I didn’t… I would never.” She sobbed and sobbed. 

She looked back at him, and only saw his back as he walked away from the bloody wedding. 

No mercy, no forgiveness. 

Step six of how to ruin both your ex's lives.

Watch it burn.

[multiverse-sya]

Some stuff on how I was before I really 'awakened':

I managed to catch up with an old friend and it made me realize a few things. It's funny how little things seem to have changed from my teenager years ~15 years ago, despite all of the breakthroughs that I went through since then with this state of being. I was good friends with someone at the time, before I knew anything about nonhumanity, kinity and the like. Despite it all, I'm some how the same person with the same personality, likes and dislikes as back then. Before I caught up with my old friend, I expected myself to be so completely aloof and different because of how differently I perceive myself now. Because now, I fully know and acknowledge that I'm an entity masquerading as a human. To my surprise, I don't behave that much differently since the time I was a teenager, despite all of these situations (excluding the current horrors of being an adult now-that one is new. I am much more tired with life now.)

Back then, I thought I was just a normal human, even though I've always had animalistic, feral tendencies. I felt like I wasn't human and despised being one, but I just ignored it. But fast forward to the present, and despite being so blindly oblivious to my sapient alien roots even when I was 15 years old, I still feel like the same exact person. Even if I didn't know I was just performing humanity as a disguised alien creature when I was a teenager because I completely forgot about it. I now have a completely different philosophical and spiritual understanding of the universe around me that differs from what I was taught in christian religion, and I do view human culture differently now than I used to before I entered my 20s, but I still treat the other humans I've already known back then the same way as I did before my awakening to this. I guess it's just that treat myself differently, even though I am always hiding it from others.

I used to feel like I was part of humanity. I thought there was no alternative to it (haha). It's in the same way an animal imprints on an adopted mother of a different species, despite never having been that species in the first place. And now I just feel nonhuman at all, because I feel like I am 'allowed' to do that and that it's possible to do so. I hated it when I was called a human back in my childhood, and was told that's the truth. I was just never content with that. I know for a fact that I would have called myself a cheetah therian back then, but now I believe it to be some sort of anteatype, and some sort of vague-heart type. I still see myself in them, without identifying or feeling like one. (I used to think I was a wolf therian, but that 'type is clearly an anteatype now. It's just completely gone.)

I know that the old discourse over whether or not you were 'valid' if you weren't born as your 'type is dumb and insignificant in day to day life. But when I look back in hindsight, a lot of my sapient alien instincts and memories were already there, they were just greatly overshadowed because I had no basis to really compare it to up until I actually looked into the source and did the research. The stylistic artwork of the media/source threw me off as well at first, so I never really considered being that species until I compared my phantom shifts to them and went, "Oh fuck."

I also experience the same sort of painful, nostalgic feelings for my old brethren from my other lifetime as I do with human friends from this lifetime. The same protectiveness, the same melancholy and sadness for not seeing them for so long, for one reason or another. I even felt this way towards kids my age that I didn't know well when I was very young, whenever I didn't know if I'd see them again, even if we met just once. Evidently, I still get it, but it was much worse in my first decade of life here. Exotrauma is a bitch. I lost many friends back then and will leave it at that.

Sometimes, I do wish to talk to my friends the same way I did back then. Like clasping a hand on a shoulder, heavy with respect, and calling them my brother, sister or friend. It's another interesting bleed over. I know alterhumans often talk about not being able to befriend humans. But despite being so very nonhuman, I'm able to befriend them just fine. I may not tell them about my exogeiny bullshit, but that's ok, even if I want to tell them sometimes. Maybe one day. Most of the people I befriend are orthohumans (or assumed to be one). The reason why I befriend so many is just because there's more of them out there in different spaces. And I only talk to one alterhuman on a regular daily basis. Yeah, it would be nice to have an alterhuman friend irl, but it is what it is.

[teratophiiia]

magikey au by @quartztwst

The ever so popular White Queen!

Alice Littel received her magic key when she was quite young at the age of 7! It was quite a peculiar moment for her, and now here she is at the age of 16! Quite a veteran magikey user, is she not?

(More info below!!)

“Don’t worry! I have you in my sight- is that an anvil? …Ah, sure. Whatever.”

Abilities:

Down the Rabbit Hole (support) : Alice can be quite helpful with her first ability. She can summon large “rabbit holes” that allows her to transport anyone or anything to the other side of it. It is similar to portals in such regards. Of course, it can be quite chaotic and disastrous (plus even dizzying) if more rabbit holes were to be used, so Alice uses two unless absolutely necessary.

The Rule is Jam To-morrow and Jam Yesterday — but Never Jam To-day (support) : Shortened to “Jam To-morrow,” it relates to the pocket watch dangling from Alice’s waist. Alice can turn back time or fast forward it. The catch is that Alice can only turn it back to a certain point in either tomorrow or yesterday, she can never turn back time if not a day had been rewinded or forwarded. Only Alice has memories of these time rewinds and fast forwards. So she seems quite mad each time.

Everlasting Mad Tea Party* (offense) : This ability can only happen if there’s magikey or magisword users present. A long table with plates and a tea set are summoned. Those helping Alice are considered to be guests while Alice is the host. The villains? Those people are the main course and are shrunk into the tea pot. It’s almost ritualistic with each person having to sing what they are bringing to the tea party, the food item being summoned around the tea pot. Once the song is over, the tea pot fills. It is meant to render the opponent unconscious.

*It is similar to the cake song scene in Madoka Magica essentially!

Status:

Mental/Emotional Strength: ★★★★★ (She’s quite strong. It’s hard to break her down especially considering that she possibly has rewinded or fast-forwarded time who knows how many times. She has to be strong for herself even if others perceived her as “mad”)

Physical Strength: ★★★☆☆ (She built some strength over the years! Not too much, but just decent. Most physical attacks get rabbit hole’d anyways)

Stamina: ★★★★☆ (Once again, she has built a lot of stamina over the years of being a magikey user! Better than her strength, her stamina is quite high and she can last quite a bit too since she knows how to manage it)

Strategy: ★★★★★ (Her abilities are all about strategy, so she does have to be strategic. She thinks first before acting, and if she doesn’t? She’ll just restart)

Strengths: Due to being a magikey users for over 9 years, Alice is quite knowledgeable about a lot of things. She can easily support other magikey users and can prolong enemies until more allies arrive.

Weaknesses: She needs to have allies. She cannot go solo and she can only rewind or fast-forward so much time until she finally breaks.

Design Notes:

Alice’s outfit is based on the cover of Alice’s Adventures Through Wonderland that is used by the Gutenberg E-Book Project

White Queen is in reference to the fact Alice becomes the white queen at the end of the chess match in Through the Looking-Glass and what Alice Found There

All the skills are quotes are references to actual things in the novels about Alice written by Lewis Carroll

Alice’s silhouette is meant to vaguely look like a rabbit due to Alice have more White Rabbit-like skills

Alice’s magical girl color is blue not because of Alice in Wonderland but because of the usual tropes the blue magical girl has! I wanted her to seem elegant too.

Trivia:

I’d like to believe Alice is usually very high up in ranking due to both her aesthetic and personality. Plus her powers are quite overpowered when paired with the right people

Alice has paired up with many magikey users, but none are permanent. Most of them are for convenience-sake, but she doesn’t mind really.

Alice is only known to a select few of people. So I will say this here, Alice is transfem maverique and goes by she/he pronouns. In this au, Alice’s parents are divorced and her mother won custody of both Alice, Lorina, and Frederick.

[bibibbon]

Hi! I was wandering through your blog and saw some of the asks about rewriting Katsuki, and I hope you don't mind me popping in, I'm sorry if this is a bother. I saw you talk about Katsuki bullying Izuku pre-quirk, and I find those scenes super interesting, because the voice actor, particularly in original, actually really improves these scenes for me since they seem to be playing it as genuine. Pre-quirk Katsuki seems to genuinely be confused about why none of the other kids can do what he can, why can't they read, why is Izuku uncoordinated and clumsy when Katsuki isn't? It sort of makes me think pre-quirk Katsuki is proto-Katsuki, just a dumb little protege who doesn't understand why he no one else is keeping up or challenging him or the hurt he causes by pointing it out. And then quirks or lack of, and adults telling him he's so gifted and talented and special and that's why everyone else can't keep up, and it's turned up to eleven and starts getting nasty.

Thanks for the input! I will be honest, I mainly just read the manga and watch some anime scenes with my friend who watches mha, meaning that there is some stuff from the anime that I can sometimes miss in my posts!

That being said, recontexulaising the scenes of pre-quirk katsuki as him genuinely being ignorant and unaware of the harm he causes is probably the most plausible explanation and makes a lot of sense. In the manga katsuki's memories, pre quirk are heavily biased and infulenced by his current internal monologue and thoughts that are hard to miss and due to this one can easily mistaken it as him just being like that since day one, so I will take your word with the VA making it seem that young katsuki wasn't truly aware of the harm he was causing and that harm caused was unintentional and not done out of malice but rather out of ignorance.

The show seems to establish from both katauki and izuku's perspectives that bakugo was the 'prodigy' and the manga does try and convey the consequences of this (rather poorly) with katsuki being fed the constant sentiment that he is the best and that he will make it far in life due to his capabilities whether that be him with or without a quirk. The sentiment was instilled into katsuki ever since he was a child (which is why after he gets a quirk, it's a very quick spiral into him, starting to beat kids up) and we see this through izuku's own description of pre quirk katsuki never being "good or bad but filled with confidence I admired."

From what we see in the manga, katsuki is depicted as the prodigy that then gets thrown all these expectations and titles by adults around him, naturally expecting him to be a hero or something great due to his quirk and his circumstances in life and we see that older katsuki echos these beliefs that the adults place on him whether that be his breakdown after the kidnapping or where he confronts izuku angry that izuku somehow got into UA saying that he was supposed to be the only one in their year and school to get into UA aka katsuki was supposed to be the legacy child he is supposed to be the greatest because the people have always expected that and thought of him to be that.

I think the river scene echos this messaging best imo. When katsuki leads his group through the forest and falls into the river, the entire group (minus izuku) responds by simply asking if he is okay and not even waiting for a response (almost as if they remember that this is katsuki) and simply believe or assume that he is obviously okay because he is strong. The more I think about this scene, the more it seems to vaguely remind me of how hero society treats all might. Why would anyone ask all Might if he is okay? He is the strongest of them all in the group of heroes? It's almost as if the thought doesn't even pop into their heads, and it's why barely anyone realises the state of hero society and how all might is hanging on by a thread because they always expect for the strongest to be okay because they are the strongest.

Essentially, this scene, along with Katsuki's inner thoughts, solidifies the consequences of having a societal expectation pushed onto an individual as we see katsuki and many other characters suffer because of this.

We see how this expectation of katsuki causes him to develop a unique mix of both a superiority and inferiority complex which seems to be an inner conflict that he struggles deeply with although I think hori misses quite a lot of times to fully flesh this conflict out.

In the end, katsuki becomes so disillusioned with social roles in hero society that he literally spirals when izuku does not conform to this social role and when this 'pebble' chooses to rebel and become a bigger obstacle in his supposed path to greatness. Izuku is everything that katsuki isn't, especially in society's eyes. Izuku is supposed to be the person that katsuki is supposed to be better than but what society tells him about izuku doesn't actually fit who izuku is as a person and it drives katsuki up the walls because even when izuku may be shaking with fear he still stands and does what he believes is right which is all something that doesn't match up to katsuki, this isn't something that society or the people have told katsuki will happen, this isn't supposed to happen but now it does and it is happening and katsuki starts to question his role in society believing that izuku is after it (this belief is further emphasised when izuku states that he wants to be a hero)

However, I do think that there needs to be acknowledgements made that while society and katsuki's parents are at play to the person he became so is katsuki himself.

I find it quite interesting that Katsuki, for all that it is knows exactly what's right and what's wrong. He knows that what he told izuku was wrong, and even if he somehow didn't (which I find completely unlikely), his lackeys tell him otherwise. Katsuki, for all that it is in his middle school class he isn't popular, but people simply acknowledge his power and strength. We literally see that it really is only the teachers that kiss up to katsuki and that his classmates are shown to take offence when he calls them 'extras', literally telling him to "get over himself". I find this interesting because izuku (oh the dear unreliable narrator) tells us that he is suprised that 1A is calling out bakugo's behaviour when his behaviour was being called out in middle school although the voices weren't as loud and they also seemed to heavily judge izuku as well.

For all that it is, katsuki's so-called middle school friends are literally just some random that follow him around, probably due to his strength and what that has to offer to their social roles in society. Katsuki seems to be quite the hypocrite as well calling out the lackeys for smoking because if they get caught, it would affect him, but he doesn't care when he gets called out after literally suicide baiting izuku. This seems like katsuki hangs out with them because they stuck onto him, and he may be a bit lonely for all we know due to his unlikeable personality but it seems like he does care about his image to an extent. Katsuki may have a horrible personality but he seems to care about his image and reputation as that's a key part as to how society views people and that he needs a spotless record to get into UA and actually be allowed to access various life changing opportunities.

[esmiara]

As promised, let me introduce you my two beloved BSD OCs:

Who are they?

Basically, Lewis and Antoine are two friends traveling around the world to discover exciting places while avoiding various government forces (more on that later). Though not related to the main story of BSD, they do know about organisations like Port Mafia and the Agency, mainly from what they heard in the streets and read in the newspapers since they arrived in Yokohama. However, they do prefer to not get anyone involved in their issues, nor do they really want to get involved in anyone else’s.

Lewis Carroll

Based on the author of Alice in Wonderland, Lewis was a man in his thirties with a fancy mind. As a child, he once had a wild imagination feeding his ability Wonderland (again, more on that later) but due to social and family pressure, he got forced upon a path of logic and perfection, now making it hard for him to think outside the box. Thus crushing his past self involuntarily and putting chains on his own mind in order to protect himself from outside complaints. As an adult, he became a plain math teacher for children, with a quite boring life. That is, until he met one certain child in London.

Their meeting

“Draw me a sheep.” said the unknown child out of the blue.

Lewis was stunned. He didn’t knew what to respond at first to this child, which he thought was one of his students. But when he put more thought on it, he didn’t looked like any child he had at the time. Who might have been this strange blond kid with unkept clothes? He decided to learn more about him, worried he may have lost his parents somewhere. However, as they talked, he quickly understood he didn’t had any. He simply didn’t knew about any “parents”. Actually, he didn’t knew much about the world itself either.

“Draw me a sheep!” repeated the child after a while of interrogative discussion about who he was, where he came from etc....

Lewis gently asked why such a demand, as he didn’t want to offend this possible lost orphan.

The boy fell silent. Then spoke again, a sad emptiness darkening his young blue eyes.

“I want a warm friend to bring with me” he simply responded.

Their exchange may have been succinct up to this point, but it was clear to Lewis that he was no normal child. As the boy seemingly didn’t have a name, Lewis gave him the name of one of his most beloved book’s author. The character of that one book simply reminded him of the boy.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

More based on the Little Prince’s main character than the actual author, Antoine was an enigmatic individual with the physical appearance of a young boy. Nobody knows of his real age, not even himself. However, most may have theorized that he at least was around for at least a few decades, if not centuries perhaps. One day found and caught by the french government in his - supposedly - hometown, he had no memories of his time before then, except for some vague fragments. He mostly remembered about this laboratory he was brought in, with a lonely room where he would occasionnally meet strangers dressed in white. Despite the many uncertainties surrounding him, Antoine was still of great interest for scientists. He didn't seemed to physically age at all. Could he hold the secret of cells regeneration or even immortality? They soon found out he did age but at a very slow pace, thus looking unchanged for many years.

Curious about this plausible new ability, they decided to make him meet a young girl, who would share his room from now on. This one girl was quite arrogant at first. Antoine didn't really like her attitude but she was the only other person he could befriend. So they did. They soon became friends. Then they learned more about the truth, may it be this girl's past, snatched from her orphanage to become a lab rat as well, or the whole reason why she was here with him in the first place.

It was all because of the young girl's ability. One that would let her copy another one and make it her own. They apparently wished to make a copy of test subject B612′s power in order to "save it” somewhere and be able to experiment on it without having to risk the boy’s life. But things didn't turned out like they wanted as the girl began to crumble under some unknown sickness. Her body couldn't handle Antoine's ability, so it seemed, and she quickly became unable to move. So she made a promise with Antoine:

“Be my eyes and explore the outer world, okay dumby?” she said, with little breath she had left.

A promise reminiscent of the one where they would explore and see the world together. One where he would do so if she couldn't follow, to make her dream come true even when she became a star.

Their abilities

Little prince

No one really knows the details about Antoine's ability. Everything we know for sure is that his body has a very long lifetime, yet not immortal. He is destined to die of aging one day and is still weak to any wound like anyone else. However, we did notice Antoine's body starts to produce a faint glow whenever he gets sick or when his life is in danger in general. Not that it really helps at all though.

Wonderland

Lewis' ability is a bit complex and confusing, much like Alice in Wonderland's whole world.

In theory, Wonderland is quite simple: it allows its bearer to create anything he thinks to be a nonsense, something that is normally impossible. It could be seen as an area surrounding the user, in which he can create anything he wants, as long as it meets the proper requirements (being a "nonsense").

However, as the whole definition of "nonsense" depends on the user's mind, one could have a hard time creating anything. As such, what could be a nonsense to someone isn't necessarily one for Lewis. He is still quite a peculiar man after all.

A strange man, but with many restrictions on his mind and imagination. As he was forced to think with logic for the most part of his life now, he can't stop asking himself about the specifics of one’s question. Where a visible nonsense would occur, Lewis' mind would subconsciously ponder over what could make it truly real or impossible. If he can't get proper answers to those questions, then it can't happen either.

The beginning of their adventures

As they became much closer as people who somehow understood each other, Lewis began to be more friendly with the child, rather than looking like a mere adult talking to a little one. He saw himself in his struggles. He saw a young mind, much like his own a long time ago, slowly getting crushed by adult's expectations and limiting his own thoughts. He couldn't let the same thing happen twice when they still had a choice. So he encouraged him to get creative and let free of his imagination, with no worries about exterior opinions.

One day however, they suddenly got caught off guard by militaries sent by the french government as well as some members of the Order of the Clocktower, there to retrieve the unknown child for their own purpose instead. It was at that time that Lewis was finally able to make use of his ability once more after so many years. Inspired by Antoine’s naturally spoken nonsense, he unleashed Wonderland in order to escape. This also put a permanent stop to Lewis’ normal way of life, as he now was as searched for as Antoine was. It was time for a involuntary trip around the world, it seemed. But this time, Antoine wasn’t alone anymore.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I left a message on my abusive ex’s memorial page?

🐡🐡 to find

When I was ~16-19, I dated someone (who was 17-20 over that same time period) who was very emotionally and financially abusive. Thankfully it was a mostly online relationship, but during the 2 times we met in person they were also abusive in other ways. I won’t explain any further since it isn’t relevant. They had continued to stalk me after that for some years, onljne and with IRL letters

I recently discovered that they passed away at the end of last year. Apparently my alt Facebook that I had forgotten about which I haven’t used in ages (I stopped using it before we broke up, and it’s been about 5 years since we broke up) was still friended to them, and had received an invitation to their memorial group along with everyone else on their friends list. The only reason I even remembered this account still existed was from going through a very old group chat on Skype and seeing a link to it and going “oh shit I should delete that huh”. Basically all this to say I only found out through a series of complete coincidences.

I’ve had a huge turmoil of emotions ever since I found out. It’s extremely sudden and they died very young. Since I found out late, the funeral had already happened and a lot of messages were already posted to the memorial page.

W/o making this any longer since I’ve probably overdetailed this already, it’s been a couple weeks of a lot of memories I’d rather have been forgotten, and feeling extremely, weird, about the whole thing. My OCD has also latched onto this in some pretty unpleasant ways.

I’ve been considering leaving a message on their memorial page. Of course I wouldn’t talk about their abuse in front of god and grandma and everyone, I’d keep it vague. I wouldn’t be negative, just contemplative. But I feel like it would help my mind finally close the chapter of being affected by them. However, I know the memorial page is supposed to be for people who have positive memories of them. Which I know I don’t. Even without explaining who they are or what they did to me, or even without saying anything negative at all, WIBTA if I did this? I don’t want to intrude on their grieving family and actual friends, I don’t blame any of them for the kind of person they were, I doubt any of them even know.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s7 episode 12 “x-cops” thoughts

last time we spoke... i was very pissed off.

but this time? i don’t have a single CLUE what to expect. 

a crossover with cops…? i used to watch that show as a kid. but those were real cops, right? honestly, i was WAY too young to be watching that show, and i don’t really understand the details of how it even worked. it always felt kinda illegal. but i am incredibly curious to see how it looks in crossover format.

i assume that they just used the same camera people for the x files as always, and that adjusting to this style of filming had to be super confusing. although, i suppose they could have hired the camera people from cops to do it?? either way, i can imagine that it gave everyone a headache after 7 seasons of standard procedural-style filming

i’m kinda giggling at how silly the whole thing is. all we can do at this point is begin!

(post-episode thoughts: still giggling, tbh. no real profound analysis to make here... except for on one brief on-camera conversation dealing with the world knowing about the x files. but other than that? a one way ticket to laughter city.

while i may find deep fault with the idea of the real TV show cops being used as entertainment, this time it wasn't real. and if there is one thing i admire above all else, it is commitment to the bit. please tell me what you thought, because i was having fun, lmao)

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED….. wasn’t that at the beginning of all cops episodes…? 

why the hell were my parents letting me watch that show so young? it basically says right there to NOT LET THE KIDS DO THAT. 

also. it doesn’t even say why viewer discretion is advised. vague ass warning…

i’m giggling already. 

BAHAHA, WAIT, I HIT PLAY AND THERE’S A NARRATION OVER THE WARNING, OHHHH MY GOD, THIS IS KILLING ME.

NOT THE FUCKING COPS SONG, OH MY GOD….. bad boys. bad boys. whatchu gonna do?

hold on, i can’t BREATHE. scully looking at something in this dude’s hand while the theme song plays. she’s so little.

THE SHAKY CAMERA AS THEY RUN AROUND.

oh my god. i might actually understand the pop culture references in this episode because i was allowed to watch cops way too early in life. i guess i must say thank you to my parents for allowing me to experience this in context.

stop, this is so fucking funny. HOW was this concept pitched??? THE BLURRED FACE ON THE SUSPECT…

i’m in awe…. the woman (me) was too stunned to speak…

oh my god. the “all suspects are innocent until proven guilty in the court of law” disclaimer after the intro. that is a deep memory being unlocked in me right now. oh my god…

this sheriff is saying that a full moon brings out the worst in people. oh my, this note taking process is going to be very interesting. are we dealing with werewolves? 

his name is keith wetzel. and he hasn’t been on the job that long, but he has seen some crazy stuff. he’s a handsome guy, i suppose. but he used the word “irregardless”, which makes him instantly unattractive to me.

we have a report of somebody lurking around the neighborhood, making noise. not sure if that is a crime, tbh. wait. he amends his initial comment. it is not a person. it is a monster? he is confused. “hey, it’s a full moon”.

he thinks the suspect will be rattling on doorknobs, trying to steal some money, and perhaps we can sneak up on them. yes, “we”, because i suppose the audience is included in this activity, huh? he says some police code into the radio thingy. they looooove to say police code into the radio thingy on this show. 

and he goes out with a flashlight, walking around. shining it on stuff. it’s very quiet. he reports he doesn’t see anything.

i also forgot to mention that they’re in california.

cop man wetzel psssts at a kitty in this lady’s yard, which is pretty endearing, i'll give him that. gasp! there are claw marks on the woman’s door!!! “maybe a big dog” bro. what kinda dogs have you seen on the job?

he uses his big scary man voice to announce that he is from the sheriff’s department. a woman answers the door, speaking in rapid spanish, saying something about a “claw monster”

wetzel tries to say "no monster" in very bad spanish. closes the door. and hears some thunking. yells at someone to FREEZE. but there seems to be nothing around!!! 

more clattering… and he says RUN, RUN TO THE CAR NOW! but the camera man trips!!!

and the bleeped out explicit language…. LMAO. another element of this show i had forgotten.

for the record, i do not feel the streets are any safer with this guy on them if he just runs away when he sees a monster. he calls for assistance, and when he goes to drive away, he hits something. 

the car gets like… ripped open???

LMAOOOO, AND THEN WE GET THE CLASSIC INTRO

i’m so thrown off here, but i’m sat. you KNOW i’m sat. what the hell is going on? you better dance! it's a very short intro. and we are reminded that the truth is out there.

a bunch of sirens are wailing as wetzel crawls out of the car. it has been completely thrown over!!! sergeant duthie (new character alert!) asks if everyone is alright. she’s asking who tf attacked wetzel's car, and he decides to go with the claim it was a bunch of gangbangers. he can’t answer how many there are. but then they hear there are armed suspects, and run off. 

will these suspects be our agents??

run, run, run, run…. so much running. this show is mostly running.

NOOOOO, IT *IS* OUR AGENTS!!! they are told to get their hands up and LOUDLY DECLARE THEY ARE FBI. the disrespect these two face… surrounded by so many cops with guns...

scully looks very calm as mulder tells them to CHECK HIS ID. IN HIS BACK POCKET. 

LMAOOOO, the cops give their guns back, and mulder looks RIGHT into the camera as scully asks what the hell is going on here. also, they’re looking for a who, not a what, he says. so jot that down.

more claw marks are found!!! mulder asks what wetzel saw. he says something about it being super dark… “well, you must have seen something in order to run away from it” <- yeah. get him. catch him in his lies!

there have been half a dozen monster sightings in this area over the last 60 days!!! the police say they were not aware of this. how did they not know...? and they are only reported during full moons.

mulder launches into his werewolf theory despite all the cameras rolling. he really is so truly and deeply himself. no matter what. baby…

SCULLY HIDING FROM THE CAMERAS, LMAOOOO!!!!! she does NOT want to deal with this.

YOWCH!! wetzel was BIT!! scully runs in to examine the wound and then darts back out. while wetzel denies seeing what mulder is describing. 

he’s looking at the bites with great interest. “what the hell are you describing?” asks duthie. “a werewolf” “excuse me?” <- LMAOOOO 

another guy died during the last full moon after being attacked!! and before he did, he gave a detailed description of who or what he saw. mulder gestures to scully saying they’re here to catch it, but she’s still hiding from the camera!!!!! i can't blame her!!! i wouldn't want a camera in my face!!

he says that wetzel must go into isolation since he’s been bit, which gags both of the cops.

SCULLY PULLS HIM OVER TO CHAT, LMAOOO “mulder, have you noticed we’re on television?” “i don’t think it’s live television, scully, she just said (beep)” <- LMAOOOOOO 

she grabs him and keeps walking. “but it’s a camera, and it’s recording. it’s recording everything that you are saying. do you understand that? i just want to make sure that you’re clear on that” <- BAHAHAAAA

he is so excited, though, because he thinks they can capture proof of a werewolf on TV!! awwww ☹️

“look, mulder, you want to talk about werewolves to me, you can knock yourself out. i may not agree with you, but at least i’m not going to hold it against you, but this… mulder, this could ruin your career”

he laughs “what career? scully, i appreciate it. you don’t want me looking foolish. i do, i appreciate that”

“i don’t want *me* looking foolish, mulder”

OH! 

the way he didn’t even consider she was interested in protecting her own image at first….

this is juicy. is he so used to her kindness that he forgets she has her own self-interest? mentally, does his self-interest always come first?

but also, yowch. the reminder that she is still somewhat ashamed of what they do...

can you blame her, though? i don't want to be on TV for any reason, let alone for my secret job hunting aliens. people don't need to look at me. i am sure she feels the same.

well, regardless of how you want to dissect and interpret this conversation, he at least handles it like a pro moving forward, asking her to please go with wetzel to the hospital. she sighs loudly. and tells mulder to call skinner, who she is sure is going to have plenty to say. she pulls out her phone.

the camera lingers on her. “guys, give it a rest, huh?” LMAOOO, she covers it up with her hand.

i support scully beating up the camera people like bjork did that one time. different situation, but still.

they go back to the woman who made the report, and a spanish speaking cop is getting her story while she talks frantically. mulder has her describe what she saw to a sketch artist.

duthie still can’t believe mulder really thinks they’re looking for a werewolf, even as he talks to the camera about the spread of the claws on this woman's door- just like a human hand! he's acting like it's a nature documentary. i love that for him.

and he pulls out the sketch the other victim described. it is a stereotypical werewolf. looks like bro printed out a werewolf coloring page. that’s my king. my heart swells with pride.

NOOOOO…. this woman describes freddy krueger, LMAOOOO. the cop is mean to mulder- but he just says it’s strange. a very measured mulder response! duthie declares they are looking for gangbangers. and ricky the sketch artist asks for an escort back to his car.

the woman who made the report is still frantic. as they leave, she asks mulder to catch him. and he nods. MY BOYYYYY ☹️☹️

who would have thought the cops episode would give me mulder feelings…?

scully comes back. wetzel has been released. turns out what was on his arm were a bunch of insect bites or stings in a pattern. i don’t buy it!! she makes a comment about how you can see things you want to... the camera zooms in. “although… it was an understandable conclusion that i’m sure anybody would have made” <- LMAOOO, she’s trying to have his back on camera despite just calling him out. THAT’S A GOOD FRIEND!!

HE’S SMILING AT HER….. oh my god. he thinks this is so funny. he loves scully and will gaze at her on national television.

skinner says the FBI has nothing to hide, and neither do our agents. so. i guess the cameras keep rolling. “well, if it makes you feel any better, scully, i’m not entirely convinced that we’re looking for a werewolf anymore” “oh. all right, good” <- LMAOOOOOO, HER TONE IS KILLING ME. I AM DEAD. TYPING FROM THE GRAVE.

he is very serious as he says it might be some other kind of creature. but then the radios go off- 6 blocks from here, something is happening!

the agents get in the car and scully shuts the car door and tells the camera person to go with someone else LMAOOOOOO, I LOVE HERRRR

there’s a man down! and you had best bet scully is going to get to the front of the crowd to help him out!!! she’s a doctor!!

NOOO. it’s ricky!!! the sketch artist!! he has claw marks in his vest! and when she pushes on them, they bleed!!

BAHAHA, THE COPS AND X FILES LOGOS BEING MIXED AS THEY FADE TO COMMERCIAL…

an excellent moment for me to pause and take stock. 

well, they will never be able to go undercover again like they did in arcadia, because now the whole world has seen their faces ☹️ this is so sad. all undercover fics must be set before this episode.

this is so fucking funny though. imagine scully’s friends and family seeing this on TV. GOD. the poor woman. her brother is going to be SUCH an asshole about the whole thing. whereas mulder just wants the whole world to know about werewolves!! he sees an opportunity!! never doubting himself for a second!

and she was trying to defend him to the whole world, and his BIG GOOFY SMILE at her doing so, even though she said she didn’t want to look like a fool… just kiss on camera already.

i’m having so much fun. still want to know who came up with this. but we’re trucking along.

wetzel explains that when an officer goes down- or even somebody working part time with the department in an artistic capacity- they all feel it. “but that’s when you got to cowboy up and give 150%” <- i would be interested to know the percentage of what he has been giving so far, since he has ran away from a monster and also lied about what he has seen.

there is soooo much blood where they found ricky's body. the last call from the phone where they found him was ricky trying to get help for a flat tire.

mulder is crouched on the ground. pondering. and he pulls out the freddy krueger drawing. she asks what that is. and laughs a little- it’s more of a huff. it’s adorable.

aha! detective scully is on the case! somebody lost a nail! “nice color” says mulder. dork. there’s blood on it!! and he demands to know who called 911.

maybe the werewolf called 911…? because they are aware that they are hurting people? but if they’re in werewolf mode, that would probably be very hard. who is keeping an eye on wetzel, btw?!!

they go to chat with whoever made the call. mulder asks if they are talking to THE steve and edy, and i don’t know what he means. is it possible that these are reoccurring characters from the show that the real cops chat with on the regular to get scoops? somehow, i doubt it. regardless of if he really means anything or is just being a silly goose, he looks at scully and laughs. so he thinks he’s funny, which is important.

we are introduced to 2 people, one of whom is running away “like she gone run from a camera” LMAO

they report hearing screaming, and the boy (ricky) being curled up on the ground. 

“i’m ready for my closeup” “oh, ain’t nobody care about your scabby ass” <- BRUTAL! but they didn’t see an attacker- just ricky rolled up and yelling.

mulder shows them the sketch. they don’t recognize anything, but comment on how frightening it is. scully shows them the nail. “chantara. i know that skanky-ass color anywhere” <- LMAOOOO, these queens… the tea is being clocked on this evening.

mulder stutters over his words, saying they will go talk to chantara, who works the corner. he's looking at scully and laughing. “well, i wish you would” 

LMAOOOO, EITHER STEVE OR EDY- NOT SURE WHICH SINCE WE DIDN'T GET A PROPER INTRODUCTION- asks “when i’ma get my own tv show?” and begins singing. a show girl!!! EDY AND STEVE! YOU HAVE MY HEART!!!

the camera person is now in the car as mulder describes the suspect- chantara- has bubblegum pink hair. “that’d be a good color for you, scully” <- LMAO?? ON CAMERA??? HE IS SAYING THIS SHIT ON NATIONAL TV??? she doesn’t say anything.

he says they’re usually more certain of what they are investigating at this point, but there have been so many varying reports! but he is certain they are paranormal crimes. 

he keeps stuttering…. he’s nervous to be a TV star!!! scully stays silent.

scully spots the bubblegum pink hair!!! and they run off!! scully tells chantara not to run but. she’s trying. she’s crying. saying she didn’t do nothing. she tried to help him, but ran when she heard the sirens. also, you must understand, we cannot see her face. because all suspects in cops get their faces blurred. which is killing me because this is still the x files.

mulder gets between her and the camera, saying that they will believe whatever it is she tells them- she doesn't need to worry about them thinking whatever she has to say is outlandish. it was very sweet of him to block the camera from filming her head on.

why does scully know what “my boyfriend” is in spanish….? queen. anyway, chantara says someone has been chasing her for a week. chuco. the cops know who he is. 

well. i don’t. so this is a little confusing.

they are taking chantara in the cop car! duthie is telling chantara that she is not out of the woods with accessory charges, and they need to find chuco so they can let her go. she keeps saying he will kill her- he'll twist her head like a chicken. duthie promises no one will hurt her. wetzel will keep an eye on her. NOOOO! NOT THE COP INFECTED WITH WOLF SPIT IN CHARGE OF KEEPING HER SAFE!!

scully walks away. takes her jacket off and puts it back on, which is very cute. she hands the paper with chuco’s face on it to mulder, who declares he is not their guy- he can’t turn over a car! well, maybe he had help!

the cops and agents are running off into a very sketchy and scary house. lots of running on this show. breaking into chuco’s place. lots of shouting. girl, who has a baby in this environment?!!

they find chuco lying in vomit- gross- it looks like he overdosed and died. but how long ago, asks mulder. scully says a couple days, maybe a week- he didn’t attack ricky, that’s for sure. then shots are fired outside!! lots of shots!!!!

wetzel is shooting at something. saying it came back, it was here. he says he did everything he could do.

it looks like chantara is dead, her neck indeed twisted like a chicken. justice for my girl… i really don't know if wetzel did everything he could for her.

duthie wants someone to explain what the hell is going on. mulder thinks maybe wetzel hit what he was aiming for- it was him firing all of those bullets we heard a moment earlier. and he goes over to talk to him. scully joins them. 

he claims he saw “the wasp man”. even mulder is taken aback by this, but all things considered, he takes it in great stride. wetzel’s older brother used to tell him stories about a monster- a big wasp with stingers for teeth.

so is this beast that they are after a shapeshifter?? that takes your biggest fear’s shape?? hence the werewolf for the guy that died, freddy krueger for the first woman, and wasp stings for him?? 

mulder assures wetzel that whatever he saw, it is possible

“scully, we came in this case looking for a werewolf, right?” “well, you did, that’s correct” <- LMAOOOO, set the record straight!!

he points out that the injuries match the reported forms of those who received them, and maybe there’s some shapeshifting going on. maybe it feeds on fear.

oh, i just love her. “okay, well, for the sake of this argument… how would one catch something like that?” <- said by a very smart and tired woman who has had years of experiencing dealing with his absurd claims and knows how to respond without indicating belief.

he decides they must figure out how it picks its prey!! it is a clever response. but they’re missing someone… steve and edy! they were a part of that chain.

they go back to revisit the queens. and mulder is, at this point, confidently narrating to the camera. LMAO, SCULLY IS THROWN OFF BY THIS: “i’m sorry, are you talking to me?” 

mulder must have always secretly dreamed of having a camera crew following him, because he seems a little TOO into it

they hear screams! and the agents burst in!!! 

it seems they were having a fight. and mulder is caught in the middle. "he won't make love to me" "oh" scully’s face, LMAOOOO. 

mulder is trying to calm them down with very poor results and quips that they should stay here for a little while, LMAO. 

in their defense, i wouldn’t be reassured either, because mulder doesn’t even know what they’re looking for!! and he says as much!!

maybe their worst fear is breaking up?? and the monster is manifesting as that??

mulder sits down with edy, who says he is scared. and steve wants to go to bed. i can’t blame him. edy says he’s scared steve will leave him. mulder could have been a great therapist in another life. steve and edy hug.

scully asks if they should take them to a motel- LMAO, I DID NOT SEE HER HIDING ON THE COUCH, BAHAAHAAA!!! but steve says that they have been living here for 17 years and will NOT be chased out! “you’re not afraid?” “now, i didn’t say that. i said ain’t nobody going to chase us out” <- it is an important distinction. and a brave choice. my heart is with you, steve and edy.

more camera people pull up and scully is NOT pleased “oh god. more of you?” <- LMAOOOO. they ask if they’re any closer to an arrest. it’s 1 am!! leave them alone!!! there are only a few more hours of moonlight!

scully wants to investigate chantara's body, and mulder says to make it fast and fill the tank up with gas (lmao). then he goes to talk to wetzel. i assume they cannot show an autopsy on TV. but what do i know?

scully is staring at the camera… did the camera person get in the car with her? it is hard to tell.

in a different car, wetzel is shocked that mulder believes him, and asks why. “and what about your partner? does she believe me?” “i don’t think she thinks you’re lying” <- a very diplomatic response. wetzel is worried about having a reputation as the crazy one. how can he deal with that? mulder says to do good work, i guess. which has had mixed results for him. but it’s still sweet and genuine advice.

wetzel is going on about how lots of people want to kill cops, and any day could be the one they get him.....

WHAT! they ARE filming the autopsy in the cops style??? i do not remember this in other episodes of the real show. they’re blurring everything out. scully is trying to explain what is going on to the assistant who is asking about ghostly killings and contagions. scully assures her that chantara is NOT contagious- this isn't the hantavirus- which only fuels the assistant's anxiety even more as she tries to figure out wtf scully meant by that. IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH!

LMAOOOOO, SCULLY IS GETTING FED UP, BUT TRYING SO HARD TO BE POLITE. why are there cameras, this lady asks. she smiles. because the FBI has nothing to hide. LMAO... SHE’S SUCH A LITTLE SMARTASS, BAHAHA

NOOOO, all of a sudden, this lady is sneezing blood. and she starts choking!! is her fear the hantavirus and somehow she summoned it?

i don’t even know what exactly that is. but now is scully exposed?? 

when mulder arrives, scully promises that it is NOT the hantavirus that killed the assisstant. even if it looks exactly like it. but the symptoms developed in seconds! no virus in the world kills that fast! 

poor scully is exasperated, while mulder thinks the fear killed the assistant. OHHH, scully says she WAS scared- she has no idea what is going on here! but the terror she felt wasn't mortal. and neither was the terror of steve and edy. so the force left them alone. that's his theory, at least.

mulder wants to find wetzel. who is now at a place with the title card of “crack house”. wow!

it’s nearly 5 am!! wetzel seems twitchy. he’s going in…. but then there is lots of loud slamming from inside the crack house!!! and he says they have to get out!!! they can’t open the door!! banging, banging, the camera drops!!

agents are circling back. as are many other cops. more running. they can’t get the door open. so they go around the back and somehow manage to break in. the door slams behind the agents! “wind?” “if you say so” LMAO

the cops can’t get the door open with the battering ram. they hear something… mulder opens a closet door. LMAO, the camera men are hiding. scully tells them she hates them. where is wetzel?? there is blood on the floor!! on the walls!!! they hear him screaming!!! he's saying to get this "thing off" of him. 

mulder yells at him to not be afraid, it can’t hurt you, and he’s on TV, so cowboy up!! he starts screaming that it can’t hurt him. and finally mulder gets in there. 

he’s alive, but it looks like something gnawed his arm. the sun just came up. wetzel is taken away on a stretcher. mulder says there is enough fear in the world. whatever it is will probably show up again next full moon.

“you didn’t get the proof that you wanted, mulder” “well, hey, you know” (he points at the camera) “it all depends on how they edit it together”

“it’s going to be a hard one to write up”

thus concludes our episode. 

LMAOOO, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY

did they solve anything? no. did scully nearly lose it? yes. multiple times. poor girl. did mulder think the whole situation was funny? yes, also multiple times. 

giggling. very hard. god, the canon world implications of them being on TV like that…

well, there were so many episodes of that fucking cops show, hopefully the other ones were more memorable and their covers were not totally blown. but i doubt it. 

maybe in other episodes of cops, they actually caught stuff, though. so in that regard, those episodes would be more memorable than even the wasp man. and poor wetzel shall be branded crazy forever. 

i just can’t stop wondering who tf came up with this. it’s season 7 and they are airing anything. i love it.

was i taken out of the universe by the change in structure? yeah, kinda. but i suppose it isn’t too unheard of- post-modern prometheus also messed with how the story was delivered, in a way that was more subtle- black-and-white film, old horror movie sounds and tropes.

i have to give it until tomorrow to let my thoughts sink in because 💀💀💀

okay, it is tomorrow. what i am i thinking?

i had a lot of laughs. the story itself didn't make perfect sense- a shapeshifting force takes the appearance of the biggest fear in a dangerous neighborhood. and we meet the varying cast of characters who tell that story along the way. but it wasn't about making sense, was it? it was about being the most ambitious crossover event of all time.

i enjoyed this one. i giggled! i loved scully being embarrassed but still trying to stand up for him!!! that is friendship!! do not film her!! she hates you!! and mulder being SO excited to talk to the cameras and prove the existence of werewolves... bahaha

this reminds me that i also need to watch the simpsons crossover episode at some point. and naturally i need to make a post for that, too. i couldn't NOT do that! i assume i can just watch it whenever since the laws of canon likely do not transfer over neatly to the cartoon dimension? i've only ever seen a few episodes of the simpsons, but i'm still really excited. i guess this show was pervasive, huh?!

[thechekhov]

Since you've covered a pretty big bit of the manga so far, can I ask what are your opinions on it? Deeper than just the quick reactions you've shared with us so far.

What are your opinions about the manga's characters? Its pacing? The mystery element? The magic system? What areas do you think it succeeds, and what areas do you think could be better?

I understand if you're reversing judgment until you finish, but you've also read quite a bit of the story so far. Idk, I'm just curious!

Especially seeing as you're a writer yourself, so I imagine you have a different perspective on how the story functions as, well, a story!

Oh, hmmm... that's an interesting question.

As of right now I'm on chapter 35-36 so I'm about a third through the story. The first major arc (find dragon, yoink falin out of its body, etc) has kinda happened, and we're hitting some larger world arcs.

As you mentioned, I DO want to withold judgement but for now... But I will say what I think thus far, with full awareness that my mind might be changed later depending on circumstances.

Comment 1: The manga is finished! Actually, just knowing that makes me feel like it's a more cohesive storyline.

Maybe I'm boring, but I'm not a huge fan of neverending storylines in general. Naruto, Bleach, etc. They have their place in the forever-young-monster-of-the-week genre, and I know why so many manga just keep... on... publishing....... but I feel like there's a lot of merit to being able to just wrap up a story and say 'there, that's how it ends'.

Comment 2: Laios is very well developed, even at this point of the story. Senshi remains a mystery. Marcille... speedran her arc?

I think this is the closest thing I have to a criticism. While I think Laios' character is well-paced in its revelations throughout the series (the slow ramp-up from 'oh this guy is weird' to 'oh, this guy is a freak club card carrying member' to 'oh, this guy is the freak club president' was great!) Marcille is.... a little more of a mystery to me.

Now, perhaps my memory is bad. But I did find her turnaround at the end of the Red Dragon arc a bit... out of the blue?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's entirely believable. But I wish there had been more hints - or rather, more visible progress of her studies of ancient magic. I know it's been mentioned, and there WAS that chapter of her and Falin during their school years... but watching episode 2 of the show on netflix when she goes 'I feel useless, my magic doesn't help anyone :(' and then reading the manga and seeing her straight up go from 0 to 100 as she decides "we're gonna rearrange falin's bones and then I'mma raise her using this ancient technique I've been studying all along that I didn't tell you about because it was sus" is... a little bit of a turn?

Maybe it's on purpose! Maybe, when I read further about her personal journey, the pieces will fall into place more neatly. But compared to the rest of the characters, which seem relatively steady in their reveals (Laios, Chillchuck, Senshi) Marcille took a bit of a turn.

Which, again, isn't bad! It just seems contrasted to the rest of the team.

Comment 3: The magic system is more like a magic ecology.

Actually, in the beginning, I found the magic system Marcille used very vague. It was just a 'do what needs to be done' type of power with very few apparent limits or power balances aside from 'sometimes you run out of mana'. But I think at this point, I'm beginning to assume that the details of the magic are closer to the functions of an ecosystem or an organism, and therefore WHAT the magic does is kind of moot point. Marcille is just a little bacteria inside of the great intestine labyrinth of the dungeon, and she is using its energy to survive, like a sort of microfauna.

Comment 4: Man, the worldbuilding is cool. It's so cool.

I don't think I've seen another story that goes so deeply into dungeon ecosystems before this one. Not only are the people who live there fleshed out in terms of individual cultures and traditions and norms, there are also monsters that serve as a natural fauna that inhabits the halls of what OUGHT to be a mindless 'turn left and fall into a trap' setting!

There's sticking monsters into your world, and then there's 'digging out a trench 1 meter deep, pre-soaking the soil, inserting monster's roots lovingly into the spot, and then covering it with fertilizer and spritzing the leaves'. I don't doubt that there ARE other works that go into this level of detail, but the dedication and the ideas Kui-san has for this very much makes the dungeon a living part of this entire tale. :)

I'll probably have more to say later but for now.. that's about it!

[xaharadesert]

10 of my Favourite Horror (Adjacent) Movies and Why You Should Watch Them

(Not in any particular order or subgenre. TW are super vague, spoiler-free, and from my memory, but I would recommend looking up more specific ones before watching any of these if you are easily triggered. Not all triggers are listed because these are horror movies, so stuff like death and murder is to be expected.)

Let me know if y’all want a part 2, because I’ve got about 7 more! (It could have been one post if Tumblr didn’t limit my images to 10)

1. Parasite

A struggling lower class family slowly integrates itself into the household of a rich family without their knowledge.

Most of you have already seen this one, or been told to watch it. I am no different: this movie is popular for a very good reason. Divided into 3 clear acts, starting with comedy, and making its way through drama into horror. Also, great commentary on classism, very psychological at times and makes you wonder who you should really be rooting for.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 5/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: Dark comedy thriller

2. The House That Jack Built

Serial killer Jack recounts some of his most influential murders.

A bit infamous and controversial for being very messed up, but still really good. Highly psychological, with a lot of narration and use of metaphor. Especially fun if you have any knowledge of Dante’s Inferno. Definitely not one to watch if you want a protagonist to root for.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 6/10

Disturbing: 10/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual Genre: psychological horror art

TW: sexism, corpse mutilation

3. Creep (1&2)

A man is hired to help film messages from a dying man to his son.

I’m usually not a fan of found-footage, but there’s something special about Creep. On top of that, this is one of the few movies where I can confidently say I like the sequel more, which is shocking because the first one was amazing. Very funny and off-beat, with a sense of foreboding underlying the whole thing.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 1/10

Disturbing: 3/10

Psychological: 4/10

Actual genre: found footage psychological horror

Edit: now has a TV show! Haven’t watched it yet, but saw some clips and it looks great! Follows the same formula as the movies :)

4. Mother!

A woman and her poet husband live quietly in a secluded house away from society.

Very metaphorical and highly feminist; definitely not a movie that everyone appreciates, but if you enjoy analysis or just being really weirded out then this is a good for you. Starts slow and snowballs toward the horrific climax.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 7/10

Disturbing: 7/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual genre: psychological horror

TW: cannibalism

5. Perfect Blue

Mima is a young pop star looking to join the acting industry.

Brutally realistic to the point where I had to stop watching and take a walk at one point. Very much “female rage” and a protagonist that will live in your head rent free for the next 6 years (or maybe that’s just me). Very triggering in a lot of ways, but worth it if you’re not sensitive to the topics it covers.

Scary: 5/10

Gore: 4/10 (animated)

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 10/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: depersonalization/derealization, nudity, stalking, rape scene (she is acting in a tv show but it is still the most uncomfortable scene of the movie), inaccurate portrayal of DID

6. Midsommar

A couple and their friends go on a vacation to their friend’s remote hometown for a Midsommar festival.

Probably the best-known out of this list, and again for a good reason. 90% of the film takes place in broad daylight, and the visuals are absolutely gorgeous. Once again will bring up the question of who is in the right and who is in the wrong (I have the answer to this question and I will fight you in dms if you’d like).

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 8/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 7/10

Actual genre: folk horror

TW: long and graphic sex scene, nudity, close up and graphic gore, cult stuff, suicide

7. The Call

A woman moves back to her childhood home and receives a call from the woman who lived there 30 years prior.

I got really into modern Asian horror films a few months ago and this is one of my favourites. The dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist is one of my favourites, and finishing this movie felt like finishing a 3 season TV show because of how well paced it was. Really hoping there will be a sequel with the same concept, even if it is not likely.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: abuse

8. Incantation

A cursed woman takes back custody of her young daughter and does everything she can to keep away the effects of her curse.

This one was popular on TikTok for a while, and for good reason. Another found footage in a more traditional sense, and a bit confusing at times, but overall a really solid scary story. Very cool effects as well.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: supernatural horror

TW: derealization

9. Pearl

A farm girl dreams about leaving home and living as a show girl.

Mia Goth is a national treasure, but we all knew that already. I watched this one before X (the actual first movie) because I didn’t know they were connected, but I much preferred this one. The Wizard of Oz vibes combined with Pearl’s unsettling behaviour made is a really creep film to watch.

Scary: 4/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: horror

TW: porn

10. The Platform

A man is stuck in a prison where a platform of food is lowered through the layers of cells for inmates to eat as they please.

I’m a sucker for psychological movies that take place in a very limited space. If you’ve ever played and enjoyed the game Presentable Liberty then I’m gonna go ahead and say you’ll like this too. Not every question is answered, but the film is more about the human condition than the prison they inhabit, so it’s not too much of a problem.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 9/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 9/10

Actual genre: social science fiction horror

TW: cannibalism, suicide

[martincrushcameback]

You know, I don't mind my fears being reflected in the fic I read.

Still, I didn't think that a fic that reminded me of my fears of forgetting everything about everyone I love if not seen for more than a year, leaving me with no memories of time we spent together or their faces, and only the soft, vague feelings of "I like this person :3", ripping the fear from the soft place in the back of my head to the forefront of my mind, well I didn't expect a Wild Kratts fanfic of all fandoms to be the one that forced me to look my fear in its eyes.

I'm not mad at all, and it really goes to show the power of your fic. I genuinely love this au, and I'm very glad I found it.

(Also, very intrigued with the swap AU of the sea and the sky, if you have any more concepts for it?)

Anyways, just a big thank you for that fic, and make sure you drink water, take breaks, and eat and sleep well!

I might post more art for the swap but genuinely the fic I think tackles that fear so intimately because I HAVE that fear. I have the memory problems and that fear that I will lose it all when I am old because I already can't hold onto a lot of it now even when I'm young.

People often mistake ADHD as "that stupid loud 8 year old boy disease" and they dismiss the actual problems with focus, memory retention, rejection sensitivity, sensory overload. Having those memory issues I just... wanted to write about them and I ended up pouring my heart out into it with some of my own experiences.

That's WHY Chris is so frustrated when Martin can't remember- people around you WANT you to remember even when you can't. Having that safe space for Martin also show how frustrated he is and the heartbreak of Martin just wishing he could fix things but having no idea how.... It hits close to home because it's something people with memory problems have. People around you want to be supportive but what happens if you forget their birthday one too many times? Do you REALLY care? And you DO but dates and time and names and places are SO difficult.

And then there's amnesia- people often like the happy tale of amnesia patients making full memory recoveries but I researched it- there's often never "full" recovery. Some memories will be hazy, some never come back. Often a large portion never returns.

And trauma can make your memory shit too! If you were going through trauma you might forget events altogether even with a neurotypical brain. You might only have a hazy memory- you might remember it from an outside perspective- third person. And if you dissociate your memory will be a fog.

I'm really glad I wrote TSFTSR..... I have had a few personal DMs thanking me for writing it because they felt so seen and honestly I am holding your hand, we are in this together, we are here and we will be scared together.

[sunleaf-sims]

headcanon yapping

omg i LOVE all the lore and story in this expansion!

i love that the sims have set relationships, likes and dislikes and everything

i love that olive dislikes rocket science which feels like a hint back to the beakers! it got me so inspireddd

my headcanon is that olive had passed away like in ts2 strange town

as she was a ghost and finding a path to reincarnation, one of the beakers’ experiments went badly and actually killed Nervous (it sort of killed him/put him in a state of undeath)

the accident was somewhat visually noticable to the neighbourhood and the energy used ticked off olive in her ghost form which led her to investigate and find out nervous was with the beakers all along (after being taken by “services” which in my headcanon were actually people paid by the beakers because they correctly hypothesised that nervous was part human part grim..reaper/otherworldly. )

as the beakers were working on trying to resurrect nervous through further experiments, olive sought out grim and with his help managed to reincarnate and killed the beakers, pleading to grimm to spare nervous, which was delayed and not normally something you could do but because of their unique circumstance grimm did so, shepherding nervous’ stuck soul back into his body

but due to the various experiments and shock he sustained rendering him “dead”/undead for days, his memories would be even more fragmented, if not gone for the most part

olive used an elixir of youth on nervous in a sort of…somewhat misguided motherly wish to give him back the childhood that hed lost, to live it with her once more

but due to the boundless experiments hed been through and working up tolerances it all but took a few years off, resulting in him being a late teen (17 ish) vs being a very young adult as i envisioned him before

because of the murder on the beakers, olive took off with nervous, to a specific little place that grimm told her about where he could keep an eye on them better than anywhere else (ravenwood)

now he goes by Nyon again which was his original na,e, and he only has vague memories like bad nightmares of odd experiments, dark nights and sinister intentions >:)

olive definitely isnt over her old ways though

edit: my headcanon is also that Nyon wants to be a writer because its somewhat of a remnant of his life in ts2. i envision that he spent a lot of time having to write notes on how he feels, writing being one of the only things he could just do all the time and was allowed to journal and doodle. he spent a lot of time making up stories and worlds in his head (mood) and theres still like an echo of that, thats with him! 🧡