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Always With You - Part One
Spooky Month Fanfic
brief writing of Father Morthy and Father Gregor, soon to have a part two woahh
enjoy!
Gregor pushed open the heavy door to the church, his movements anxious and hurried. “Morthy?” he called out, his voice echoing softly through the vast, empty space. He quickly slipped off his leather bag and hung it on the nearby hook. “Morthy, are you here?” His gaze swept over the church, searching for any sign of the priest. “It’s Gregor,” he added, hoping the familiar name would bring a response.
Rumors had been circulating that Morthy had gone radio silent. The church had been closed for Sunday service, and Morthy hadn’t been seen since. Gregor was all too familiar with the paranoia that accompanied battling demons, but he understood it was far worse when it involved Morthy. While he hadn't heard a single whisper from Moloch after his recent victory, the situation with Morthy and Gadreel was…. different. Gadreel was a relentless tormentor. He had been pursuing Morthy for years, showing no sign of giving up. Unlike Moloch, who knew when to quit and return home, Gadreel was determined to either force Morthy into submission or kill him in the process.
Gregor had never directly faced Gadreel, but the very presence of the demon was enough to instill terror. He didn’t need to see Gadreel to be afraid; the stories of the demon’s cruelty and the aftermath of his encounters were enough to frighten anyone.
"It's just me," Gregor called out once more, trying to keep his voice steady. "I promise." As he continued to search the church, the faint aroma of freshly brewed coffee reached his nose. The comforting smell offered a glimmer of reassurance, suggesting that Morthy might have been here recently.
“Gregor?” Morthy’s voice emerged from the shadows, and the sound was like a balm to Gregor’s frayed nerves. He turned to see Morthy approaching with deliberate caution. Gregor didn’t blame him for being wary; Gadreel’s ability to possess people was deeply unsettling. While Moloch’s possessions were obvious—his victims quickly sprouting horns and fangs—Gadreel operated in a far more insidious manner. The demon was a master of long-term schemes, often remaining undetected for days on end.
"It's me," Gregor reassured him, raising his hands in a gesture of innocence and openness.
Morthy’s relief was obvious, but doubt still flickered across his face. His eyebrows were knitted together in an anxious frown. “...Is it really you?” He clearly wanted to believe Gregor, but had to be on edge.
In response, Gregor gently pulled down his lower eyelid to reveal the clear, human quality of his eyes. Gadreel’s possessions were nearly impossible to detect at first glance, but the eyes were the telltale sign. Possessed eyes would be devoid of humanity, with an unnerving lack of reflection and overly dilated pupils that gave Gadreel away.
Morthy scrutinized Gregor’s eyes with intense focus, his gaze searching for any sign of corruption. After a tense moment, Morthy’s features softened with relief, and he pulled Gregor into a tight, heartfelt embrace. The gesture took Gregor by surprise, but he quickly returned the hug.
After the hug separated, Gregor looked up at Morthy with worry, "What's going on? People are saying you've been absent."
Morthy’s response was hesitant, his composure clearly frayed. He looked far from his usual self; his hair was disheveled, and dark circles under his eyes spoke of sleepless nights. “I…” he began, struggling to find the right words. “It’s Gadreel.” Gregor wasn’t surprised. “He’s planning something… I don’t know what exactly.”
Gregor nodded, trying to process the gravity of the situation. “I’m sorry if this is rude, but…” he ventured cautiously, “When was the last time you slept?”
Morthy’s face tightened as he bit his lower lip, clearly distressed. “About three days ago,” he admitted, his voice shaky. “But I can’t seem to sleep. Every time I doze off, Gadreel—” Morthy cut himself off abruptly, shaking his head as if trying to clear away the memory. “It’s easier for Gadreel to possess me when I’m asleep. I have nothing to defend myself with, and I’m not aware of what he’s doing. Whenever I doze off, I wake up somewhere dangerous—or doing something dangerous,” he stammered, his frustration obvious.
Gregor listened intently, trying to piece together the information. “Something dangerous?” he repeated.
Morthy’s frustration was palpable as he struggled to explain. “I’ve woken up at a train station, right on the edge of the platform, about to fall onto the tracks. Or I find myself on top of the church, like I’m about to jump off. Once, I woke up out in the snow, barely clothed, risking freezing to death. I even—” His voice faltered, “I coughed up a rat. A rat, Gregor! It’s like Gadreel’s trying to make me lose my mind.” Morthy’s voice trembled like he would start crying.
"Is..." Gregor's voice shook slightly as he asked, "Is he trying to kill you?" Gregor asked. He couldn’t help but think Gadreel had grown bored of his little toy, and was throwing it away.
Morthy sighed deeply, his expression one of grim contemplation. "That’s what I initially thought," he confessed, his tone heavy with resignation. "But… I don’t think that’s his endgame. If Gadreel really wanted me dead, he wouldn’t go through such elaborate and different means. He could have killed me easily by now. The fact that I keep waking up just before something fatal happens makes me think that's not what he wants…”
He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, "I think… I think Gadreel is just showing me his power, demonstrating that he can do whatever he wants to me, whenever he wants. It’s like he’s making a game out of it, just to remind me of his control. It’s not about killing me; it’s about making sure I know he’s always watching, always in control, and a-always ready to pull the rug out from under me."
Gregor’s eyes widened as he absorbed this new layer of understanding. Gadreel’s methods were not just cruel but taunting, designed to keep Morthy in a state of constant fear and vulnerability. The idea of being subjected to such relentless psychological torment was almost as horrifying as the physical danger.
"Okay..." Gregor said, breaking the tense silence with a determined nod. "Listen, Morthy, I'll help you contain Gadreel for a little while longer." He understood that they couldn’t completely rid Morthy of Gadreel, but there were ways to keep the demon at bay, at least until Gadreel got bored. "But you're not going to be able to get anything done if you're sleep-deprived."
Morthy started to protest, his voice tinged with frustration. "I can’t—"
"I will stay up," Gregor interrupted gently but firmly, taking Morthy’s hand in his. "I’ll stay awake and keep an eye on things to make sure Gadreel doesn’t possess you again. You need to get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow morning, we’ll bless the church and your bedroom to help keep Gadreel at bay.”
Morthy’s shoulders relaxed visibly at Gregor’s reassurance, though a new wave of tension soon followed. “I… I can’t ask you to do that,” he said, his voice laced with guilt and concern.
Gregor squeezed Morthy’s hand gently. “You’re not asking,” he replied, his tone resolute.
Morthy’s gaze faltered, “But what if Gadreel hurts you?” The concern in his voice was loud, a blunt reminder of the very real danger Gadreel posed and how necessary it was to fear him. Morthy’s fear for Gregor’s safety was evident, his hands trembling slightly at the thought of Gregor being harmed because of him. “I-I couldn’t bear to think of you getting hurt because of me.”
Gregor’s gaze softened, and he squeezed Morthy’s hand gently. "I can handle it," he said with quiet confidence. "I’ve faced demons before, and I can deal with Gadreel, too.” Gregor’s confidence was obvious, but he was scared, too. He hid the fear of Gadreel for now, knowing he needed to be brave.
Morthy’s expression softened slightly, though the anxiety never fully left his eyes. “Thank you,” He murmured.
“Of course.”
Part Two
#OKAY ill make a tag for my writing#[ jace writes too ]#there#spooky month#spooky month au#fanfiction#fanfic#writing#spooky month fanfic#father gregor spooky month#spooky month father gregor#gregor raguel#gregor spooky month#spooky month gregor#father morthy#spooky month father morthy#gadreel#gadreel spooky month#spooky month gadreel#spooky month roleswap au#spooky month moloch#moloch spooky month
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{☆} characters arlecchino {☆} notes drabble, fem reader, sub reader, transfem arlecchino {☆} warnings 18+ content, breeding kink, degradation, stomach bulge, dacryphilia, restraints
"Arle, hah..please. I can't– I can't wait any longer."
The pleading, almost pouty, words had her letting out a deep, husky chuckle as she fiddled with the buckle of her belt, admiring your body as she stepped up to the bed. Her knee sank into the mattress as she knelt down, pressing a placating kiss to your brow and gesturing for you to turn over.
"Come on, dove. Be a good girl, or I'll treat you like the whore you are." Arlecchino clicked her tongue, firmly grabbing your hands and tightening her belt around your wrists, giving the leather a firm tug to test its strength– and to make sure it wasn't too tight. "I'm in a good mood. Don't spoil it by being a brat, little dove."
The pout it drew from you made her grin, canines flashing beneath her lips as she settled in behind you, cupping your ass in her calloused hands with an appreciative grumble. Your panties were already sticking to your cunt, the fabric soaked. She couldn't help but drag one of her digits across the fabric, teasing your folds beneath it.
"Lucky I adore that pretty mouth of yours or I'd have cut out your tongue," She gruffly spoke, her tone neither in jest or too serious– perhaps she would, maybe she wouldn't. She liked to keep you on your toes. "Hm. Maybe I'll use your throat after– shut you up properly. You look so pretty gagging on my cock, you know?"
Arlecchino slid her fingers beneath the waistband of your panties, tugging them down just enough to see your slick cunt, her fingers pulling the folds apart. Fuck, she could feel her cock throbbing against her boxers at the sight– she'd never get tired of it, just like she'd never get tired of using you like a toy.
"But in the meantime.." She finally pulled down her own boxers, her aching cock slipping free and slapping against your thigh– she slid right between your thighs, forcing you to squeeze them together around her. "Fuck, that's it." She growled, pumping her hips a few times before she was satisfied, lining up her cock with your entrance.
She had the decency, at least, to sink in slowly at first..let you adjust to her size for a brief moment before she snapped her hips forward and sank fully into your cunt with a sharp hiss.
Arlecchino typically enjoyed teasing you first, making you practically beg just for her to give you her cock at all, but she had other plans tonight– she wasn't going to waste time playing around this time. Her hand slipped down to your stomach pressed against the mattress, a low chuckle building in her chest at the distinct bulge her cock left. It was a wonder she fit at all– but she'd make it fit even if she hadn't.
"Be a good girl now and don't complain." She grumbled, leaning down to press you down into the mattress with her body, nipping at your ear before she pulled her hips back, hissing at the way you clenched around her in response. She took a moment to sit there, letting you ruminate and squirm at the lack of movement– only to grab a fistful of hair and start pounding you into the mattress before you can even think to whine about her lack of movement.
How quickly, how easily, you turn into a blubbering mess as she uses you like a toy for her own enjoyment. Not that you won't enjoy what she has in plan for you– just maybe not as much as she does. The mental image of filling you with her cum..it drives her thrusts harder, faster. She wants to fuck you stupid with her cock, fill you to the breaking point until her cum pools on the sheets, unable to be fully plugged up. Just the idea of watching her cum dripping down your thighs makes her control slip just the slightest bit.
She's already big enough to bulge your stomach with every thrust, but she wonders if she can push it further.
She certainly wants to, and she intends to.
The fat tears rolling down your cheeks only got her more excited, her hands gripping your hips so tight she can already imagine the bruises in the shape of her fingers against your skin.
"That's it, dove, give in," Arlecchino hissed, a low growl rumbling in her chest as she continued to pound into them relentlessly, her thighs already stinging from the sheer force of it. "Fucking take it, you whore."
Her muscles flexed in faint restraint, the shifting of your arms against her as you nearly screamed at the intense rush of pleasure making her sink her teeth into your shoulder in warning– a futile effort, really, as your body twitched when you came so hard she briefly considered if she had to stop..but you were still moaning even through the tears rolling down your cheeks, rocking back into her thrusts weakly, unable to keep up.
She wasn't too far behind, either. Her teeth dug deeper into your skin, muffling the growl as she plunged into your soaking wet cunt, bucking into you in much shorter thrusts until she finally felt her cum spilling into you. It was almost enough to send her over the edge again– fuck, you were practically sucking her in with how tight you were, squeezing around her cock.
Her head slumped against your shoulder as she pulled her teeth from your skin, taking a moment of respite to catch her breath and let the sting and ache settle in deep– she welcomed it, if anything. But she wasn't done.
She was going to fuck you till you were full– fill you up until she couldn't fit another drop.
For now..she pulled out, admiring the way her cum dribbled out of you. She didn't mind all that much..she was going to replace it tenfold, anyway.
She couldn't wait to plug you up and see you squirm during the meeting tomorrow, full of her cum and unable to find relief– maybe she'd make it a toy, see how long you last before someone realizes what's going on. She was going to enjoy it thoroughly.
#genshin impact smut#genshin impact x reader#genshin smut#genshin x reader#minors dni#writing tag#arlecchino smut#arlecchino x reader#so. um. yeah. we r not gonna talk abt this one I was feeling indulgant and shdhdgsjsjsjsj#arlecchino awakens smth in me idk dont ask me#i considered making this tmasc arle for a hot minute but ill save that for another day#anyway manspreading arle agenda thsnks 4 coming 2 my tedtalk#anyway² slamming hands on table arle breeding kink arle breeding kink arle breeding kink#technically no actual direct mention of breeding but shes still trying anyway#sorry im in an arle phade i need her to do unspeakable things to me yknow. you get me.#PHASE not phade its 3 am and i csbt sleep twirls hair#accidentally posted this draft premature im AHHHHHHHH#okay im fine now
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i know the whole "do you think jon ever used his powers to Know what his parents looked like" thing is far more devastating than this but what if he tried using his powers to remember original sasha? jon and sasha always seemed closer than the rest, he picked her (and tim) to work with him and tolerated a lot more nonsense from her than anyone else (using his password to access his computer [161], debating his pronunciation of calliope [25], etc)
and ofc jon and martin became significantly closer as the podcast went on, but in the beginning he was cruel to martin when he gave a statement but accepting of sasha? idk i think their friendship was a lot deeper than we realized (ESPECIALLY since his first murder in season 5 was because NotThem provoked him about sasha) and i think jon wouldve used his powers to Know the original sasha, not sure if it wouldve worked though
so so sorry to distract from the post but can yall read the tags for me because i suffered immensely for this post
#they make me ill#sasha was so cool i miss her every day#i think we need more sasha content#idk i wish we got more of them specifically#THIS POST. HAS CRASHED. 4. TIMES.#i am trying to write about the magnus archives and its like “hee hee tumbeast ate your post” give it the fuck back?#it saved to my drafts after the 4th tag but this is pissing me off#every time i try to tag it as “tma” it crashes so im not doing that#just pretend i did ok#16 more times total of 20 every time i try to write tags it crashes#it wont let me write the archivists name im genuinely so serious#please help me please help me#im gonna sit here for a second and let it save as draft#6 more times#ur joking#total of 26 crashes over this one post#hate to distract from my incredibly brilliant insight but this is unusable#i think its okay again actually?#gonna try tagging with real tags wish me luck#jonathan sims#jon sims#sasha james#tma#the magnus archives#the archivist#notthem#notsasha#tma theory#tma spoilers#holy shit it worked
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Rory has been trending a little bun-obsessed lately, probably because we have lots of bunnies in our condo complex and she has to practice a lot of impulse control as she can't chase or really fixate on them, so I've been looking for ways to help her fulfill her bunny-murder urges safely.
Unfortunately we don't have a ton of areas I comfortable coursing her (letting her chase buns until she can't see them or catches them) because our bunnies are mostly urban animals BUT I was at the bougie pet store for unrelated reasons and they had dried rabbit feets which gave me an idea!
I bought a few and got some paper bags and put Rory in another room while I hid them around the apartment to sniff out, destroy, and eat. I figured it would satisfy some of her murder urges, even if it's not the whole predation sequence.
She was pretty happy about it! I'll try to add this to our rotation of enrichment activities and maybe get a few rabbit feet to chuck at her outdoors sometimes. Hopefully it'll help vent those bunny frustrations so they don't build up and hurt my good dog behaviours.
#dogblr#rory borealis#dog enrichment#bird dog training#the good thing about my lifestyle is that rory does actually have a lot of outlets for her hunting behaviours#we constantly go out for free time in the field for her to scent stare and stalk#shes not a huge chaser tbh but she could be#she chases her dog friends or me and she did chase that bunny the other day#maybe thats the piece thats missing#maybe i should make her a flirt pole?#i dont have a lot of space for it and its gonna get icy#but maybe its worth doing anyway#im glad i started writing out these tags because i wasnt even thinking about the chase piece because she gets toooooons of running time#but it isnt the same focus as chasing#HMMMMMMMMM#okay so new plan#gonna keep this up and also make a flirt pole#maybe we can get some chasing time in before it snows or ices over#she does chase me but she cant grab-bite or kill-bite to finish the sequence#if i get some rabbit hide it might satisfy those missing pieces#stay tuned ill report back in a bit
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people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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you do not i mean you do NOT understand the absolute insanity i go through whenever i listen to the message shou left for yashiki in shibito magire like akjsfhkasjd DAWG??? BRO??????? the fact that NOT ONLY did it take mashita threatening to tell his mom to make shou back off but ALSO the fact that shou actually listens to mashita, theres also the fact that MASHITA TRUSTS SHOU ENOUGH TO TELL HIM TO BE HIS AND YASHIKI'S BACKUP IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THEM. LIKE..... BRO??? AM I INSANE OR>.... and its also implied that mashita USED BASEBALL TERMS to tell him this!!!! bcus shou is way fukin into baseball!!!!!!!!!!! am i crazy???? i feel insane about them okay they make me literally crazy. AND THEN SHOU JUST GOES "haha but like thats ever gonna need to happen, you two have got this in the bag" LIEK...... BRUHHHHHH. i am unwell about them i need to be taken out back BUT I LOVE THEM OKAY THEY HAVE MY WHOLE SOUL,,,,, they are my guys, my detective duo, my gummies,,,,,,,,, i dont even know if this post makes any sense but I DONT CARE. OKAY. I LOVE THEM.
#talk tag#spirit hunter series#spirit hunter death mark#shibito magire#shou nagashima#satoru mashita#you dont understand how ill these two make me#i have soooooo so many ideas about these two its crazy. i have to get normal-er#its about the mutual trust okay. its about the mutual care. its about saying it but without actually saying it. do you understand me.#“shou looks up to mashita like a brother” yashiki you cant pull this shit on me okay im going to tear my hair out#nobody understands this antisocial pi and delinquent baseball player like i do okay. okay#you are NOT allowed to show me how much two characters care about each other bcus i WILL go insane about them#(and also write fics about them failing to save each other <3)#(or well. mostly just mashita failing to save shou. i luv putting that man thru the wringer <33)
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Okay children, gather around. It's "Spencer Complains and Acts a Little Mad" Time:
I have been raw dogging life for 1 month without my adhd/depression/anxiety/mood stabilizers medication and without a single Therapy appointment
I haven't left my house in 1 month, I haven't spoken to any of my (in person) friends in over 1 month, I haven't seen my family in 1 month, I haven't seen my bloody cat in over 1 month, I've barely left my bloody room in over 1 month, and I've been listening to my bloody voice almost every day for 1 hour so I can finish editing the bloody podcast for over a month
To top it all of: I haven't had a decent night's sleep in about 4 days now (in which I just don't sleep or I have extremely vivid nightmares with my departed mother and/or scenarios where I die over and over and over again but can't speak to ask for help before it happens - fun for all the family, if you ask me) and I might or might not be completely and absolutely going insane, with only Good Omens season 1 (6/6) and season 2 (5/6) and the existence of Crowley/red haired Fire Pokemon David Tennant Edition being my sole producer of any amount of serotonin
How am I alive? Good question. Beautiful genderfluid demonic content can be some very nice very distracting content for individuals that simp for Fire Type David Tennant Pokemon like myself
I am quite sure my only contact with anything mental health related in the past weeks has been my best friend whom is very very annoying and refuses to leave me the heck alone and whom is a nurse and is working extra time to advice my stupid ass the best she can, bless her heart
So, with my personal nurse's permission, I have doubled my sleeping medication for the night and, as Fall Out Boy once wrote for the song "Alone Together" in one of my favorite albums to have ever been created "Save Rock and Roll": I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead
#i took so long writing this nonesense for no other reason other than the fact its 2 am and no one makes good decisions at 2 am#that i am actually already feeling sleepy#if my best friend actually manages to give me 1 good nights sleep i will kiss that woman in the mouth and get hitched with her in ibiza#jk shes straight as shit and shes like a sister to me so that scenario is making me cringe but the sentiment prevails#alas dont do drugs unless your doctor tells you to kids#or your nurse best friend#bro im getting so sleepy the word “nurse” aint even looking right anymore#is that even a real word#yes#google says it is#it is not about viking mythology like a thought for about 2 seconds#okay good good nice nice#anyway#i talked about you know what so i have to tag this post for my adhd sake#good omens#crowley#anthony j crowley#david tennant#there#in case anyone cares about a post that mentions crowley for 1 second while in rhe middle of a whole ass sleep drug inflicted rant#lowkey kinda sure ive writen more in the tags now than the damn post jesus christ#hopefully ill be able to have money to buy my medication on the 12th and ill be somewhat mentally stable by the 14th#which means i might actually upload my fanfic next tuesday if my brain is working again#night peeps dont let the bed bugs bite#idk what im saying anymore#my closet just banged by itself and now im scared#sully?#mike?#bo?
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part 2 | this is part two to this from Steve's perspective leading up to and including part one | cw unresolved angst [unfinished/for now not being worked on]
31 days until moving day.
Steve burst through the door to Family Video, swinging it open with way too much force.
Robin jumps and opens her mouth, probably to tell him off for scaring her but he speaks before she gets the chance.
“Eddie asked me to move to Chicago with him,” he blurts out, “Robin, he asked me to go with him.”
Her eyes widen, “what did you say?”
“That I��d go, of course,” he huffs. Like it’s even a question? like not going was ever an option?
Robin jumps over the counter squealing and hugs him so tight breathing becomes a little bit hard.
“I’m moving away with Eddie,” he whispers into her hair, awed as he hugs her back. She somehow squeezes him even tighter and they stay like that for a minute until they have to actually do their jobs.
An hour passes and Robin keeps shooting him contemplative looks.
“What?” He finally snaps after getting tired of waiting for her to say what she wants to say herself.
She jumps again like she didn’t realize how obvious she was being, which honestly, she probably didn’t.
“Nothing, nothing.”
“Robin,” he whines.
“Okay, just,” she scrunches her face up a bit and Steve knows that face, she’s trying to figure out how to say something to him she thinks he’ll react badly to.
He narrows his eyes at her, bracing himself, “yes?”
“I think you and Eddie are great together, and like I love you both and I am excited for you guys. You know that right?”
Steve nods, doesn’t say anything though, wants her to get to the point.
“I’m just also, maybe, a little bit worried.”
Steve’s eyebrows draw together, “what do you mean?”
Robin is looking around nervously. Something heavy starts to form in Steve’s stomach.
“You haven’t been together for very long and this is a big step. I just don’t wanna see either of you get hurt you know? I guess I’m just wondering if you’ve talked it all through? Because both of you have a tendency to jump into things without thought.”
They haven’t talked it through, not really. Eddie asked Steve to move, he said yes and that was pretty much it. It didn’t feel like they needed to talk it through though? Did they? Usually, they just dealt with things as they became relevant, that had worked for them so far.
Robin must see something on his face because she quickly talks again, backtracking and interrupting his thoughts.
“Not that I don’t think it will be great, you know I just worry about things a lot. This is my anxiety talking. You know what, ignore everything I just said. You two know what you’re doing.”
He doesn’t want her to know she’s already put doubts in his head so even though he’s starting to freak out a little he smiles and shakes his head.
“It’s fine Rob, I’m sure we will talk more with time.”
22 days until moving day.
Steve meant it when he said he and Eddie would talk. Meant to ask about the logistics, meant to make sure they were on the same page, he really did. But every time the move comes up Eddie just seems so sure about it already. Steve doesn’t want to make him think he’s having second thoughts. Thinks maybe it’s better to not say anything, to wait and let it come up naturally.
He thinks maybe they’ll talk about it tonight. The kids had joked about them all evening, about how fast they were moving.
Mike had made some snarky comment about them moving to a city where they knew no one and how awkward it would be if they crashed and burned and they’d have to share a bedroom.
Eddie had laughed, said it was good they weren’t gonna crash and burn then. But, he’d also added that his band was also going so actually he would know people.
It was just jokes, Steve knew that. That didn’t make it any less true though. Steve wouldn’t have anyone except Eddie, sure he liked the guys in his band but they weren’t his friends. Steve would have Eddie and Eddie would have his band. It suddenly seemed like a big deal.
He expects Eddie to also feel it, to get worried and bring it up but he doesn’t. If he is worried he isn’t saying anything, just like Steve isn’t.
8 days until moving day.
There’s a knock on Steve's door and when he opens Gareth is standing there. Steve is a lot confused about it but lets him in.
“Uh,” he starts a little unsure, “do you want anything to drink or?” He offers, mostly because he doesn’t know what else to say or do.
Gareth shakes his head, looking about as uncomfortable as Steve feels. Shuffling around where he’s standing and fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. “No, I’m gonna leave again soon. I just came here to say something.”
Steve gestures for him to speak, “I’m listening.”
Gareth doesn’t immediately say anything, he shuffles some more and looks around the room before his eyes land on Steve again, a determined look in them.
“Look, I like you. I know Eddie loves you.”
Steve can’t help but smile a little at that, even though he’s starting to suspect he’s in for a shovel talk.
“And like, I probably wouldn’t do this if it weren’t for the fact that you haven’t dated for very long at all and are about to move in together in a city four hours away.”Gareth pauses and waits to speak again until Steve nods, showing he’s listening.
“Eddie does things without thinking. He doesn’t think about the consequences, not anything, just does. I love that about him, it’s the reason our band has gotten anywhere at all, but it also means that he gets hurt a lot, disappointed a lot. He can handle it with most things, he won’t be able to handle it with you.”
“What are you saying?” Steve asks even though he’s pretty sure he already knows.
Gareth looks pained but continues, “I’m saying that if you aren’t one hundred percent sure about moving with him, if you have any doubts at all, you can’t go.”
Steve can’t suppress his flinch. He expected Gareth to say he needed to be sure, that if he wasn’t he needed to tell Eddie. He wasn’t expecting him to say he shouldn’t, no, couldn’t go.
Gareth catches it and narrows his eyes, “I mean it Steve, it will break him more if you go, let him think it’s gonna work and then leave, then if you don’t go at all.” He steps closer to Steve, getting into his space. “So, if you’re not absolutely sure,” he pauses, steps even closer, “Do. Not. Go.” He punctuates every word and then he turns on his heel and leaves.
6 days until moving day.
Steve needs to talk with Eddie about it now, can’t ignore it anymore. He isn’t gonna just not go like Gareth told him to do. No, he’ll talk to Eddie and it will be fine.
They’re in his bed together, laying next to each other. Skin touching skin and a comfortable silence between them. Now is as good a time as any.
“Hey, Eddie?”
“Mhh?” He hums, shifting slightly next to him.
“What happens if something goes wrong when we move?”
Eddie snorts, “what? Like if we get a flat wheel? I know how to change a wheel, sweetheart.”
Steve smiles despite his nerves, tries to not imagine what Eddie would look like changing a wheel.
“Good to know, but no, not quite what I meant.”
Next to him, Eddie props himself up on his elbow so he can properly look at Steve.
“What did you mean?” He reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind Steve’s ear as he speaks. Steve has to focus harder than he’d like to admit to not get lost in it. Even the smallest touches have an effect on him when it’s Eddie.
“What if something happens with us?” His voice is small and he can’t look at Eddie, afraid of what his reaction might be. “Remember that thing Mike said about us not really knowing anyone there? Just, what would happen?”
“Baby,” Eddie gently grabs Steve’s chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting his face towards him. Steve easily follows but closes his eyes.
“Baby, please look at me,” Eddie’s voice is even softer than before, and Steve has always been weak when it comes to Eddie asking him to do things so he slowly blinks his eyes open.
“There you are,” he smiles, face open and tendrils of hair falling around it. He looks angelic and Steve almost forgets what they are talking about, too overwhelmed by the man next to him.
Eddie keeps them on track though.
“Like I told Mike, nothing will happen. We will be fine. But,” he continued before Steve can protest, “if something does, we both have jobs already, we’ve done this right. We will be able to save eventually. Quicker because we’re two people, paying rent and all that stuff on two salaries. If something happens we will have that security.”
Steve relaxes then and Eddie must see it because he grins and continues, “now if you didn’t have a job then I’d be worried. I’m not cut out for all the responsibility of being the breadwinner, princess.”
Steve groans and shoves Eddie away. Mostly to hide the blush he can feel creeping up his face just from Eddie calling him princess. Judging by the way Eddie cackles he doesn’t have to see Steve blush to know the effect it has on him.
He reaches out and pulls Steve in against his chest. “Worst case scenario we have to move back. Wayne will probably pretend to be unhappy about it but he’ll let me take over his trailer again. And, I know you have complicated feelings about this house, that your parents are the worst, but you’ll be able to come back if you need to.”
“Okay,” Steve says, his worries mostly calmed.
1 day until moving day.
Steve and Eddie are spending the night apart. Eddie wanting to spend his last night with Wayne and both of them needing to do some last minute packing.
Just as he finishes closing one of the last boxes the phone rings, he’s a bit confused about who would call him right now. His friends all having seen him earlier in the day to say goodbye. Maybe Eddie needs to double-check what time they decided to leave.
He picks up but it’s not Eddie, or even one of the kids, who speaks.
“Steven,” his mother's shrill voice crackles on the other end of the line.
“Hi mom,” he tries to hide his sigh as he speaks, doesn’t have the energy to get into anything with her right now, doesn’t want her to ruin his excitement.
“I thought you were moving to Chicago alone?”
His freezes, when he told his parents he was gonna move he didn’t say he was going alone but he also didn’t mention Eddie. He knew they wouldn’t like it, knew it would be easier to let them assume he was going by himself.
“But I just got off a call with Mrs. Hagan and she told me that Tommy had said you were moving there with- with that cult boy? The one who’s wanted for murder?”
Steve closes his eyes and this time he doesn’t bother hiding his sigh. Fucking Tommy, he’s always had a big mouth but Steve suspects that this hadn’t been him blabbering without thinking. No, Steve thinks Tommy knew exactly what he was doing telling his mom this piece of information.
“His name is Eddie, and he was cleared of all charges. The ‘cult’ was literally just a school club.”
“So it’s true? You’re moving with him?” Her voice is sharp and even just hearing it over the phone makes him flinch.
“Yeah, we’re friends and it’s cheaper that way. We got a better apartment because we’re two people with a job each.” It’s such a simplification of the truth it’s almost a lie but Steve doesn’t think this is the time to come out to her. He hopes the ‘better apartment’ comment will calm her, it’s the sort of thing she cares about after all. Not for his safety and comfort though but for how it will reflect on her.
He’s not sure she actually hears him though because she hisses a vicious, “If you move with him you will not be welcome back Steven, this will be the last time we speak.” Before she hangs up on him.
Steve carefully places the phone back in its cradle, then he’s left standing alone in the living room, both too shocked to move and not really shocked at all.
He’s not close to his parents. Has slowly been understanding just how much they’ve neglected him. He’s been relieved about moving away, about being in another city where he won’t have to see them when they waltz back into town. But to never speak to them again? That’s a whole different thing. He still hoped that they’d be able to fix their relationship. That him not being dependent on them anymore would allow him to stand up for himself. That everything would get better. Now instead, the thing he thought would allow their relationship to get better is gonna destroy it forever.
He debates calling Eddie, wants to tell him what his mom just said, wants to hear his voice, wants to let him make it better. He decides against it, he doesn’t wanna ruin Eddie’s last night with Wayne and he’ll see him tomorrow anyway. He can tell him in the car.
He doesn’t call Robin either, she’ll insist on coming over and he knows she’s on a date with Nancy right now. He doesn’t wanna ruin that either, even though both of them will tell him he’s not, he knows he will be. He goes to bed instead, sleep seems like the best option right now, at least he won’t have to think if he’s asleep.
Moving day.
He ended up not really sleeping at all. Tossing and turning for hours and after finally falling asleep sometime in the early morning he wakes up just hours later from a nightmare. He doesn’t remember what it was about but can feel the lingering panic. He gives up on getting any more sleep, doesn’t wanna risk more nightmares when he’s alone.
He picks at his breakfast, still thrown off from the conversation with his mom the night before and not feeling like eating, so he gives up on that too. He spends the rest of the morning wandering around, touching the walls and the furniture in the house he grew up in. The house he’s been left alone in since he was nine. The house he both hates and loves. The house he will never be allowed to return to after today.
Then the phone rings again, it’s probably his mom calling to ask if he’s decided to stay he thinks. It’s not, it turns out.
“Hi I’m Patricia, I’m looking for Steve Harrington?” A chipper voice says.
“This is him.”
“Okay well, good. I’m calling about a barista job you’re supposed to start with us next week.”
“Yeah?” Steve chews on his cheek.
“I’m so sorry but due to our rent being raised we’re having to do cutbacks. Since you haven’t signed your contract with us yet, it’s the first one to go.”
“You’re firing me?” Steve asks, it’s not entirely right since he hasn’t started yet but it’s all he can think to say.
“Essentially,” Patricia responds, “I’m sorry for the short notice.”
“Okay,” he says, his voice void of emotion, “thank you for calling.”
He hangs up without waiting for a response, he doesn’t have the energy to be polite.
He barely has time to let the information sink in before his doorbell rings. Eddie on the other side of the door with a wide grin on his face.
“Did you oversleep?” He jokes.
Steve’s confused for a second but then he realizes he’s still in his pajamas, that he’s spent the whole morning wandering around like a ghost in his house not getting any of the things he needed to do done.
He hasn’t packed the bag of all his essentials. He hasn’t gotten dressed. He hasn’t even brushed his teeth. What he has done is get fired from a job he never even started.
He sees Eddie’s teasing smile, the combination of it and his sudden joblessness tugs at something in his brain, brings back the conversation they had last week.
“Now, if you didn’t have a job then I’d be worried. I’m not cut out for all the responsibility of being the breadwinner princess.”
He doesn’t have a job. He’ll have to live off Eddie and what little savings he has left. Become a responsibility Eddie doesn’t want, a burden probably.
“Worst case scenario we move back”, “you’ll be able to come back if you need to.”
If he leaves now he won’t be able to come back.
Gareths words play back in his mind too.
“if you have any doubts at all, you can’t go.”, “it will break him more if you go, let him think it’s gonna work and then leave, then if you don’t go at all.”
“I’m not going,” Steve hears himself say as he steps back from the hand Eddie reaches out to him.
“You’re not-“ Eddie looks so confused. “Like today? Do you need extra time? We can postpone by a couple of days but-“
He’s not getting it. Steve interrupts him, needs to make him understand because he can’t listen to him try to come up with solutions.
“No, Eddie. I’m not going it all.”
The words feel wrong in his mouth but he forces them out anyways.
“What do you mean?” Eddie asks and it fucking ruins him. He feels his carefully blank expression break, despair showing through.
“I can’t leave Hawkins, the kids,” he has to look away from Eddie as he says this. Knows it’s the only thing Eddie won’t question, knows Eddie thinks he doesn’t mean as much to Steve as the kids do. “They need me.”
“When did you decide you weren’t going?” Eddie asks and Steve didn’t know it was possible but he breaks even more from that, from Eddie not fighting him.
I didn’t, he thinks, I don’t know why I’m saying this now. If you ask me to stop and just go with you I will.
“A couple of days ago,” he lies.
It’s silent then, just their breathing and the distant sound of cars down the street being heard. Eventually, Eddie breaks it.
“Steve?”
His voice cracks in the middle. Steve can hear the plea for him to take it all back and he nearly does, has to swallow the words creeping up his throat before they get out.
“I’m sorry,” he says instead. He turns around, closing the door behind him. Destroying their future and breaking the last bit of his heart in the process.
He doesn’t get more than two steps into the house before his legs give out beneath him. He stays there, sitting on the floor for what feels like forever.
After some time he hears a car drive away and he knows Eddie has left. He feels silent tears start streaming down his face that soon turns into sobs. Making him curl in on himself and gasp for air.
He doesn’t know how long he stays there, crying until he can’t anymore and then just sitting there. But after a while, he’s interrupted by a loud ringing. For the third time in less than twenty-four hours he picks up the god-forsaken phone.
“Hello?” He rasps, his voice dull and raw from crying.
“Steven. You made the right decision and stayed I take it?” His mother asks.
“Yes.” He says and hangs up on her.
#happy ending never got written but they end up happy and maybe on day i'll return to this and write it#once again i apologize for any typos mistakes in general etc I've read through it I swear#part one is like 800 words and this is over 3k idk what happened okay#actually i do i had to fit in more scenes#so uh yeah#there will still be a happy ending i promise but now you get where steve is coming from which is mainly a panic attack tbh#steve baby do not make big decisions while mid anxiety shut down#also talk to people <3#eddie you know better than to reassure someone because you both have jobs? what are you doing???#it's 5am i swear if this does not show up in the tags ill cry#steddie#steddie ficlet#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#my writing#my post#steddie angst#dels steddie thoughts
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I was thinking about how the run away with me au Robin and Steve "should we get divorced?" conversation comes about:
Theyre about 23 and Robin comes home in tears after another break up. The reason: Robin had asked her girlfriend of 8 months, Lorraine to move in with her and steve. Lorraine assumes this means steve is moving out and when Robin clarifys that no Steve is staying, he's an important part of her life theyre married for chists sake. Well Lorraine doesnt take that well, says she isnt going to spend her life playing second fiddle to Steve.
This isnt the first time a relationship had ended for either of them because a partner hadnt been able to accept that Steve and Robin were a package deal. Things had been especially rough for them romantically in the first couple years of their marriage. It wasnt until a particularly awful screaming match between Robin, Steve and Steves first real boyfriend, that they were able to admit their relationship was incredibly codependent and unhealthy. Steves boyfriend had been upset when Steve had cancelled on him for the 3rd time in a row because of a Robin Emergency™️ and decided to confront Robin about it while Steve was in class. Things escalated quickly when Steve came home early from class to find them arguing and immediately took Robins side. The argument and Steves relationship ended with a slammed door, a lot of tears and a new rift in Robin and Steves relationship.
It took a lot of long conversations with Carina and Marjorie, Steve working through his toxic masculinity enough to go see a therapist - He and Robin made a deal that theyd both go talk to someone about, you know almost dieing "do you think me being fucked up by what happened at starcourt makes me weak steve?" "No of course not!" "Well then why would it make you weak?" - and a summer spent apart (Robin taking an internship in rome to study latin) for them to sit down and have a long conversation about boundaries and ground rules for how they would navigate their relationship as well as dating in the future.
Steve and Robin agreed to both take a break from dating while they worked through their respective traumas, and figured out how to navigate their relationship in a healthy way. Things werent easy, the both of them occasionally backsliding into unhealthy behaviors, more than a few nights where one of them spent the night with Carina and Marjorie in order to have space from eachother. But eventually they get their shit figured out and decide to brave the world of dating again. Steve and Robin both have their share of flings and short lived relationships but nothing so far seemed to stick. That is until Robin met Lorraine.
Lorraine was funny, sweet and a little bitchy. They had immediately clicked after being introduced by some mutual friends from school. Robin really thought things with Lorraine were going to work out. Steve and Lorraine had gotten on like a house on fire, she had slipped into Robin and Steves dynamic easily, trading jokes and light hearted jabs, cooking breakfast together on days Lorraine would stay at their apartment. Robin had fallen hard and fast, she thought she had finally found someone who accepted that her and Steve were a package deal. So 8 months in when Lorraines lease was ending Robin (with agreement from steve) asked Lorraine to move in. Things don't go to plan. Robins dreams of a future with lorraine are shattered. She goes home broken hearted.
After Robin has cried herself out, her and steve cuddled together on the couch Steve is the one to broach the topic. Robin immediately bursts back into tears before he calms her back down again saying he doesnt want a divorce but he also doesnt want to hold Robin back, doesnt want to be the reason she cant find happiness. Robin replys by saying if anyone is holding the other back its obviously her, steve gave up everything to protect her afterall. Steve calls bullshit -years of therapy and he can finally say that word without cringing- says he would do it all again in a heartbeat, that she doesn't owe him anything. They stay up all night talking about it, about what the both of them want from their futures. Neither can see a future without the other. they're platonic life partners, one day they'll find their someones who can accept that and if not well, they'll always have eachother.
Of course they do find their someones in the form of a charming if infuriating metal head and a brilliant, sweet, and badass reporter. Through trial and error the four of them figure out how to navigate life together. They all live happy ever after.
Robin and Steve celebrate 30 years of marriage with divorce papers. They'll always love eachother but now they dont need a marriage to keep eachother safe. They dont need a marriage to stay as platonic life partners. They have eachother and they have Eddie and Nancy. They have everything they need.
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Lmk what you think! I'd love to have someone to scream with about this AU and bounce ideas off of :D
Tagging by request <3 @ramyayaya
#i think steve and eddie find eachother infuriating in a good way and also a sexy way and i love that for them#i wrote this instead of sleeping#i'll actually turn this into a fleshed out fic i swear. i just happened to see a post talking about how a lot of fics make steve and robin#imcredibly codependent and started thinking about how i would handle that in my fic and decided to write out my ideas#i dont want it to come off as magically theyre perfect and okay. i think things would be messy in the beginning. and still a bit messy#even after bc theyre only human you know. i think having elder queers to talk to would be so important to them for helping them figure#things out you know#i think eddie and nancy wouldnt enter the picture until Steve and robin are 27/28#im also still trying to figure out relationship dynamics bc the fruity 4 are in a polycule and how i think that would be for them#no matter which way you look at it the relationship between the 4 of them is inherently queer and thats beautiful#i hesitate to have eddie and nancy marry eachother in turn bc yknow heteronormativity#i think people assume theyre together and that eddie and nancy never confirm or deny why people make that assumption#but idk if they ever get married idk ill have to think about it#if you read this far in my tags feel free to hop in my dms and scream with me about this au#id love to have someone to bounce ideas off of#run away with me au#platonic stobbin#robin buckley#steve harrington#steddie#ronance#long post
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im writing a short fanfic rn and i am SO CLOSE to being done i just need to fill in a conversation its so ANNOYINGGGG😭😭
#literally all i need is to somehow bring the conversation from return of the living dead to baking#i might make more chapters#but rn its just abt 2k words of jealous/protective mike#also i DID NOT realize how long it took to write an actual okay sized fanfic until i wrote this#i have written before but it was only like 500 words#and whatever else i have in my notes app is word vomit of scenarios i have in my head#but fr im seriously im not moving until i get this posted#i have like THREE lines of dialogue left#but yeah ill post it here maybe tiktok and on ao3#oh wow thats a lot of tags#dont mind me guys😁😁#byler#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers
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Boy King Seb :D
#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333#he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today#this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant#i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves#seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his#so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better#whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh#anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO#its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation#pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#f1 art#formula 1 art#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such#boy king au
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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just finished tsc for the second time so naturally i'm back on my jeremy bullshit!!!!!! if you're the person who commented on the first chapter of the banquet fic saying you read a snippet from ch2 from my tumblr just know you've made the lives of everyone who follows me on here considerably more annoying as i take that comment as blanket permission to continue posting snippets as I write
#i say back on my bullshit as if i ever got off#but on another note#i cant even explain how happy comments make me#im not great at responding to tags or replies on here#but just know if you've ever said anything nice to me about my writing#that i think about it all the time#sometimes ill be like “okay not that many people even read my stuff can i be bothered with it”#and remember nice things people have said and im like okay!!!! you guys are stuck with me!!!! ill keep writing until someone#tells me to stop!!!#not literally#but i am so incredibly validated by how nice you all are to me#my friends#my lovers
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i am going to scream (wip rambling in the tags)
#(not subjecting this to my wip thread [hi j k l if you see this somehow] [how did i not notice your names line up in the alphabet]#because im really just waffling at this point)#it has been three(?) months and i still cannot decide if this thing is ending happily or unhappily#because it is just. so unrealistic to save LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI from herself#i feel like this is one of those things where i have to just keep writing the plot and ill figure out the ending along the way#BUT I DON'T WANT TO. i want to know where i'm going first so i can signpost!#god#really i just need to figure out misa and soichiro and the actual plot#but like. okay. so#what actually changes for light's internal state is#1) she has a secret to keep that doesnt fit with the charming young man image but is harmless (at least relative to the murder)#2) she and L are both in on the secret#3) it is a point of commonality she has with L that isn't about ruthlessness intelligence or murder#4) it upends her entire sense of self perception#and are these points enough to save her. i dont know. i dont know#i think at the very least it makes yotsuba slightly more bearable#in the direction of L&light anyway. her relationship with her father is probably going to be worse#and of course theres still misa#who is ALSO getting her entire sense of self perception upended#i still dont know how she's going to react to pretty much anything#i have an instinctive feeling for her first reaction but it's such desperate denial that it is going to break sometime#not that she broke for five entire years of miserably happy comphet relationship in canon#but i feel like this might be more jarring than that#aaaand if so how does that change her part in yotsuba arc because she was the one who got higuchi caught and did that for light#my god why am i doing this to myself. i could have been happy i could have written a high school au.#but anyway back to light HOW AM I GOING TO GIVE HER A HAPPY ENDING WHEN SHE'S *LIGHT* AND L'S *L* AND#like the problem is it would be SO easy to give her a sad ending. so easy that i honestly dont want to. i want her to be happy it's just#the logistics#i genuinely think theres a chance i could do it theres just so many VARIABLES im going to start BITING#edit: jesus they deleted all the tags after this one. is this the thirtieth tag. it IS wow
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--whiney rant and vent--- starts at tumblr but descends into my life.
Fucking tumblr!! *grabs tumblr and aggressively shakes it*
Some new hell update has made it so every time I reblog a post, i go right back to the top of my dash and have to scroll half a mile through the posts Ive already seen to get back to the ones i havent yet seen and want to see!! And even with the scroll bar it takes ages and breaks the loading and makes it nearly genuinely unusable!!!
But Im still going to even though it sucks, because tumblr is my designated scroll and look at characters time and be with mutuals. And yes this is a very small whiny thing to rant about, especially given the state of the damn world, but with the rest of my life imploding in many numbered crisises that even one of would be apparently considered a fairly major thing to have to deal with im now realsising because through massive amounts of avoidance id just gone "this is fine" despite being very reasonably banned from the word fine by 5 different people and then me, and then others going 'wow that really is alot' semihorrified, and I awkwardly laugh because i am used to this and its not that bad and whatever stupid shit i tell myself to keep going.
So yes, whining about tumblr because at this point its a load bearing coping mechanism. And its somewhat a last straw because i am barely hanging on as it is but ill deal with this like everything else because there isnt any other options.
#astra stuff#ill survive this i just got to be dramatic about it first#and some of this stuff i dont think im actually being dramatic about because its really not fine#yknow the stressed and terrified with the whole trying to move out and figuring out how possibly can i because at this point i really need#chronic illnesses being chronic annoyingly#trying to hold everyone together and then myself too#dumb panic attacks because im on a hair thin trigger but shrugging them off halfway through because i dont have time nor energy for this#the whole fucking cpstd thing which apparently psychologists dont hand out like halloween candy#so there really is a problem here given meeting the diagnostic critera#and what happened to me being just so incredibly Fine!#you can probably at this point see exactly the reason why i write scott like i do#okay apparently more dumb rant in the tags#and im getting really sick of the goverment social whatever services fucking hold music#plus the daily attempt convince my stupid emotions that nooo everyone does not despise me in particular that doesnt even make logical sense#ugh#cant exactly say im fine but i am getting help for what i can
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fucccccckkkkkk i really need to write that octet video essay that's been percolating in my head for years
#i totally get when tumblr users say a piece of mid media can fucking change your life#like there are parts of octet that are SO FUCKING GOOD.#and there are parts that are okay#and there are parts where i'm like really man#like i'm relistening to some of the songs rn#and this one portraying a conspiracy theorist that includes snippets of qanon drops#it's so good#and such an interesting glimpse into the mind of someone who believes that stuff#in a way that i think was done really well#and solo the song about both incels and being addicted to dating apps#the contrast between the two of them#and the way the girl expresses at the end her fear that if she rejects these guys that might be the final straw#and they might go on to commit mass murder#it's something i've worried about!#and it makes you feel for the incel guy without justifying his world view#and fuck the music is just so so fucking good#but there are some areas that i think are really shallow critiques about virtual signaling#and online activism#and some things that just make me roll my eyes#and there are areas that i think he didn't really go into or didn't really give the full explanation#like with addiction to games like candy crush#there's no discussion of the way these games are intentionally designed to become addictive#same with social media#and i think that would've been great to include and it's a little disingenuous actually to not include it#gives an air of blaming addicts for being addicted without exploring all the factors that might lead to it#and mental illness is discussed a little bit but again pretty shallowly#man i'm basically writing the essay in the tags lmao
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