#OFFICE SHENANIGANS

[superbat-love]

Clark: Can you please just hold still? Do you want to bleed all over the restroom?

Bruce: Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

Clark: Trust me, I’ve seen Alfred bandage you enough times to know how to do it with my eyes closed. Seriously Bruce, I can’t believe you! Were you really going to silently sit through the meeting while you’re bleeding out from your ripped stitches?

Bruce: Ugh, spare me the lecture and just help me. We need to get back to the meeting soon. I don’t need to give your boss any more reason to give me dirty looks across the room.

Clark: That’s just Perry’s default expression.

The door to the restroom opens and someone steps in. Bruce immediately yanks Clark in close to block his injuries from view. Clark slams his hands on either side of him with a grunt, careful not to crush him.

Jimmy: Clark? [stares at the half-dressed Bruce underneath him] Mr Wayne??

Clark: J-Jimmy!

Bruce: [angrily whispering to Clark] You forgot to lock the door didn’t you? Get rid of him. Now.

Clark: Jimmy, this is not what it looks like! Me and Mr Wayne uhh… We’re just uhh…

Bruce: [Moans when Clark accidentally brushes against his wound]

Jimmy: Umm…

Clark: [whispering] Sorry!

Bruce: Hi Jimmy~ Care to join the fun?

Jimmy: N-No! Sorry to interrupt you guys! I-I mean, I don’t think I need to use the restroom after all. See you around, bye! [flees the restroom]

[granddaughterogg]

separated by a common language

Graves (during a meeting which just went south): Now listen there, dudebro - Soap: Ye cannae call him that. He's no American, ye daftie. Graves:...anyone here wishes to translate that into some human language? Soap: I'll give ye a skelp on yer coupon! Ghost: Soap, sit down. He's right tho, ya know. I'm not a dudebro. Graves: *inhales, exhales, smacks tongue* What should I call you then? Gaz: *pipes in* A ladmate?

[mbrainspaz]

“Okay you nasty motherf***er, I’m trying to help you”

- said in a pleasant tone by the person doing customer service work in the cubicle behind me

[cannibalgh0st]

Going for a happy hour dinner with my office today- because it's gonna be one of the girls last week working with us. So I'm going to be polite and for free food!🥺✨️

[muddybudd]

I love my new job! My boss has me assisting him with client relations, like, all the time!

[dmschampagne]

You guyyyyyys!

Holy shit. I had the wildest conversation yesterday (ironically valentines day).

So, this was at the end of the day, several coworkers are chit-chatting. My cubical neighbor, a sweetheart youngin I'll call Kate, is talking to a couple others about relationships. I hear her say to never base a marriage on looks, and how looks aren't that important. Coworkers disagree, looks and physical attraction are important.

They go back and forth for a while. I'm not really listening. But then Kate says a phrase that activated me like a sleeper agent.

Kate: you know how sometimes you'll meet someone and not find them attractive, but then you get to know them and suddenly you're attracted to them?

Coworkers: what?! No!

Me: 😳?

Kate: yeah, like a switch flipped. When you get to know someone that's when they become attractive!

Coworkers: literally no idea what you're talking about. You're either attracted or you're not.

Me: 😳!!!

They go on like this for a while, Kate trying desperately to explain what she thought was obvious and coworkers absolutely not understanding.

Finally I go other there and pull her to the side and ask quietly, "so would you say you don't ever feel a sexual attraction to someone without an emotional attachment?"

Kate: yes! Exactly!

Me: yeah thats called demisexuality and it's on the ace spectrum. You might want to look it up, see if it applies.

She gets so excited and tells the others like "see?! It is a real thing!". They ask me to explain what it is and we talk about it for a bit.

It was just so funny! I heard her hitting all the points and couldn't just leave her!

[kiutotakulady]

When it's a fire drill but your office is located at the 11th floor & you have to go down the stairs

[not-your-pussikat]

So, one of my co-workers---the one who usually takes care of all incoming packages---has been away for four weeks and is coming back on Monday. I thought I'd give him a proper welcome:

His keyboard, mouse, monitor, office supplies, even his phone, all nicely packaged. 😁

[myrmyrtheorca]

*shouts the foulest insults to god and his creation at the top of her lungs in the office because she's convinced nobody's there to listen*

*turns out coworker who doesn't usually come to the office is right behind me*

rest in myr

[soapkaars]

I’ve been working at this studio for 8 years and it hasn’t made me any more mature - I like sitting at the stairs like a gargoyle and wait until one of my colleagues notices me before I say ‘the render is finished’ and then crawl my way back to my workspace

[mbrainspaz]

going up in a full elevator at work

me @ the girl next to me: Oh! nice Van Gogh pin!

Girl: oh, thanks!

me: I love Van Gogh.

someone else: It's so sad what happened to him.

me: no but did you hear the recent theory that he didn't actually shoot himself but instead it was a local kid who accidentally fired a gun and Van Gogh just lied to protect the kid?

everyone: ....

me: I like to believe that's true.

Girl: haha ok bye! *leaps out of the elevator on the second floor*

my boss' boss who is also in the elevator: that was weird. I don't think she works on the second floor.

me: .... I'm sorry, I just really like Van Gogh?

everyone: nah it's not you, that was weird.

me: oh ok. :/

[cannibalgh0st]

Yesterday, I went in to cover a shift for a co-worker. It's not a big deal, but RANDOM AF my boss decided to have an office meeting. So we got food from The Habit, and my supervisor *who insisted on picking up* went to go grab the food. Tell me WHY she didn't check the whole order before coming back, and the ONE order that they didn't put in was for my BOSS. He made such a STANK face at her when she told him....she never checks anything, so I guess it was a well learned lesson😇✨️✨️✨️

I am so sorry... even though I was in pain, I was dying on the inside. I wasn't trying to laugh... it tickled me pink💖💖 😅😅😭

[muddybudd]

Gee, thank you for noticing. It is a new top. Do you like it?

[rahleeyah]

I was getting really angry with my computer bc it's not acting right and I said "I have always been so nice to you" and Helen, in the cubicle next to me, says "I don't know, I feel like you talk way more shit to your computer than you do to Olivia (the printer)" and I'm like. "Are you suggesting I play favorites" and she's like "yeah" and I'm like "ok well then I'll be nice to my computer. I'll name it." And she's like "I like Darrell" and I'm like Helen I'm never letting you name anything "you know, since the printer is Olivia there's really only one name for the laptop" and Helen GASPS "I know what it is!!!!" And from the end of the row Denise pipes up "what is it?" And I proudly declared "Elliot!!" And she went "....ok" and anyway my computer now has a name but it's still acting up. Very on brand for Elliot.

[emily-lotus]

[kissablelips-desireslure-vol1]

OFFICE SHENANIGANS WITH SUPERVISOR AND SUBORDINATE...