#Not that I was normal at first but it isn't the point

[coldjustness]

@pactheld

obligatory cuddle drawing bc I’m still obsessed with Neve and her long-suffering frenemyship situationship with Knight-Templar Rana Savas in Tevinter Nights

[bwv572]

The wikipedia article for dead internet theory is one of the best examples I've seen of just how retarded wikipedia has become. The entire article was created just to dismiss the concept as a conspiracy theory. This is the opening sentence:

The dead Internet theory is an online conspiracy theory that asserts, due to a coordinated and intentional effort, the Internet now consists mainly of bot activity and automatically generated content manipulated by algorithmic curation to control the population and minimize organic human activity.[1][2][3][4][5] 

And you might think to yourself, wait, there's nothing about this phenomenon that requires a conspiracy. That bots would eventually outnumber humans is the inevitable product of 30+ years of bot and AI development, helped by the fact that just one person can run 100+ bots. We all know bot farms exist and that states have their hand in AI development, but just as many bots are run by normal people, and no amount of this is actually coordinated for some larger explicitly stated end: it's actually complete chaos with no end goal, with individual actors working for fun, for research, or for whatever other benefit, with no real concern for how their botting affects other networks or "civilians".

And the talk page thought of all these points. The editors responded to the above objection with "we have reliable sources that call it a conspiracy theory. Check those citations".

The more obvious position, the one actually used by the people who came up with the term to begin with, wouldn't have ever stated itself as "not a conspiracy", because no conspiracy was even being alleged, thus no "reliable sources" can be cited with the explicit claim "the following theory is not intended to be a conspiracy theory"

The kicker is that you click the reliable sources they quote, and the first one never alleges a conspiracy to begin with, it posits that it is a "speculation about the future of the internet". The second article calls it a "conspiracy theory", but in the colloquial sense of an "out there idea", which is a usage I have always hated. For instance, people call "bigfoot" a conspiracy theory - a conspiracy is a secret coordinated plan to commit a crime - that some big humanoid animal lives in the woods is not a plan to commit a crime. The "conspiracy theory" that "the moon isn't real" isn't a plan to commit a crime. These are just memes.

But, a "reliable source" written by a millennial woman used the term as a meme and now wikipedia cites it as an actual conspiracy and you're not allowed to change that framing unless you join a wikipedia council and vote to completely overhaul the editorial framing of this article.

There are much worse instances of this, but this is a good example of how retarded this all is because you don't really need a position on the article to understand that you don't need to frame it in that way for any of the information in the article to make sense.

[thebroccolination]

Hi Key, your post is the second I've seen that hinted at Joss but without further explanation. He generally has a positive public perception and I only know him from 3WBF (which I liked), so I'm curious where this shift in perception is coming from recently.

Would you mind making a post or directing me to where I can learn more about his general...situation.

I apologize if this is intrusive since I know you don't like to engage in Fandom Drama and like to keep your space positive, but I don't have XTwitter and his Tumblr tag is usually quite dead.

Thank you in advance!

Why I Don't Fuck with Joss: An Extremely Academic Essay of Words and Screenshots

Hi Anon!

I normally would have DM'd you an answer to this, but since you sent the ask anonymously and you were very kind in how you asked, I didn't want to ignore you.

However, two things:

I do generally make it a policy to keep my negative personal thoughts about certain actors to private conversations or, y'know, Discord servers, just to keep it off public platforms where toxicity is already rampant. In this case, though, I think the situation is interesting enough to comment on. (Plus, y'know, I'm amazed he was even managing a comeback when he's been known to Be Like This for years.)

I didn't get a lot of primary sources for this post because quite frankly I don't like Joss and I don't want to look at his face any more than I already have. However, friends who've been following this more closely than I have were able to verify that there are sources out there for everything I'm going to mention. Just, y'know, don't use me or this post as a source. This isn't one of my Citations Included Posts, this is just a Why I Don't Fuck with This Guy Post.

So, for context, I made this post last month, and someone made a more explicitly worded reblog here that's honestly better if you're going in without any context.

Essentially, Joss has had a dodgy reputation for years, but I think because fan turnover is high in interfandom and he's never been in a BL series before, most interfans just know Joss as A Tall Man Who Likes Sportsball.

But when I got into Thai BL back in 2020, Joss was one of the first actors I heard of as ~Problematique~ so I looked into him, and what I learned made me go, "Ew," so I just keenly ignored him from then on. (General gross stuff like the Domundi boob-grabbing prank and some assorted Dudebro comments about women. I don't remember specifics anymore because he was barely on my radar, but a friend at the time who'd been in fandom longer basically told me, "Yeah, that's Joss, lol.")

Interestingly, before JossGawin became a thing, most interfans were rooting for JossLuke, but I think given how vocally left-leaning Luke has proven to be, I wouldn't be surprised if Luke saw the prospect of tying his public reputation to Joss and went, "lol no goddamn thank you."

Gawin, on the other hand, seems to be down for whatever GMMTV wants him to do, so he probably just sees Joss as a colleague he makes out with (acting is a weird job). He went to high school in western Pennsylvania, he has white relatives on his dad's side, and he hangs out with the Gym Dudes of GMMTV, so I'm sure he's completely desensitized and is one of those guys who thinks, "Nah," but doesn't go so far as to say, "Not cool, dude." The Gawin Caskey Method seems to be: throw a basketball, make out with a dude on camera, go home and eat an edible. Dismount.

Unfortunately, even though Gawin's never really made any political statements or taken any major stand for the queer community, he's gained goodwill that some people are now calling into question because of Joss.

Anyway, apparently Joss used to follow Andrew Tate on Twitter until Tate was suspended, so it seems a lot of people assumed Joss unfollowed Tate, but yeah, between the sexist comments, Boobgate, and admiring Joe Rogan, that was enough for me to physically recoil from the screen when I saw the teaser for MGB.

Okay NOW, everything from this point onward is new stuff I've learned over the past month that made me go, "Oh. So he's worse now."

Joss has apparently had that Joe Rogan quote pinned to his Twitter account since 2020, but people just shrugged it off because they like his man stomach or something? (I don't find him attractive, but even if I did, I truly don't understand how he made it this far. It feels like he's been pretty firmly canceled every year since I got here, honestly.)

I also didn't like him weight-shaming Gawin. There's some older clip of him calling Gawin fat, and I know in Asia it's more common to comment on other people's bodies and weight, but I also recently found out that he got Gawin a meat cake for his birthday because idk actual cake is for pussies? (Sorry, Anon, I was trying to aim for an objective tone but I abandoned it because I reeeally don't like this man.) And apparently a lot of JG fanservice is just Joss and Gawin at the gym so Joss can teach Gawin self-control or something? I've had their tag blocked from the beginning, so you'll have to look into that if you're curious.

Ah, and at some point in the last few months, Joss was apparently asked what his "type" is and he said something like "white, skinny English-speaking Europeans/Americans"(?) Which apparently made Asian women go, "Hey, c'mere real quick: good. Bye."

I also thought it was a huge red flag that Joss has been in the industry for years, and his domestic fanbase is still quite small. Others have pointed out that very few fan interactions with him are in Thai, and he's clearly courting a western audience both in his individual engagement and by partnering with a mixed American actor. When he did the LGBTQ+ panel last summer, apparently the reaction from Thai commenters was, "lmao why Joss?" not, "Oh yes, of course, Joss!"

So it seems like GMMTV has been trying to do a rebrand for Joss using Gawin and interfans more generally since Joss speaks English and interfans don't generally seek out the resources to do research. Remember last year when GMMTV announced that Y-MIND script competition? It was originally domestic only, but after Thai fans overwhelmingly went, "The contract terms here are wildly exploitative, so fuck off," GMMTV rereleased the promotional material in English and went, "HEY INTERFANS WANNA SEND US STUFF :D?"

That told me they really don't think especially highly of us.

On December 15th, someone pointed out that Joss didn't just follow Trump on Twitter, he also followed a ton of extreme alt-right accounts on Instagram. Not normal political figures, either. Obscure figures like Pearl, Candace Owens, that guy who was saying Your Body My Choice, and Andrew Tate's right-hand man, and more! Some of his fans tried to point out that he follows progressive Thai politicians, but as far as the American side, he only followed alt-right conservative accounts with zero liberal accounts.

Though, in fairness, someone did point out that Joss also follows famous progressive Democratic figures [checks notes] comedian Chris Rock and basketball player Stephen Curry.

So. Whoohoo for that, amirite?

Since Joss's fans weren't having much success defending him on their own, they threw some @'s at his account to get him to make some kind of statement that would somehow explain away why he was following a deep, deep alt-right fanatic like Pearl. (Spoiler: He didn't.)

The JossGawin International fan club even released the above statement to address the issue, then received such alarmingly vitriolic backlash from the JossGawin fandom for "betraying" Joss that the fanclub decided to deactivate entirely. (I have no idea if they reactivated or not, since I stopped keeping up with this whole debacle shortly afterward.)

One Thai(?) JossGawin fan actually seems to have used ChatGPT to create an English comment to chastise the fanclub for their lack of support in Joss's dire times:

Amusingly, rather than address his fans' concerns or unfollow any of the accounts causing the chaos, Joss instead just started deleting any comment on his Instagram that called on him to comment.

Five days later, he unfollowed 137 accounts. No idea how many of those were alt-right extremists and how many were just extra padding to make it look like a general cleanse, but it was at least fifty last I heard, and the fact that 1) it took him nearly a week to do anything but delete the comments calling him out, and 2) his first tweet after this whole mess was a quote-retweet of GMMTV's message welcoming Barcode into the company saying, "lol this kid looks like if me and Gawin had a baby" just goes to show how unthreatened he feels.

After all, Joss has been this way for years, and his upcoming series with Gawin is probably going to do numbers regardless. He's successfully rebuilt his stagnant career off the support of interfans, and he knows he'll be fine.

Even Foei has a show with Tay! We're all good here. \:D/

So yeah! That's why I don't fuck with Joss. \:D/

This'll be the last I say on Joss publicly.

I just figured I'd make one all-encompassing post so I can link back to this in case anyone asks why I'm not supporting any of Gawin's projects with Joss. It's a shame because I do really like Gawin, but this isn't even a hard choice for me to make.

Oh, and while we're on the subject: the director of MGB, Ark, is also Not a Good Dude by all accounts I've heard from multiple people who've interacted with him privately. I mean, he sure is queer, but he's also said to be a misogynist with some white-people-worshipping tendencies. He doesn't have the highest opinion of BL fandom in general, either, especially when you look back on his whole direction of IT'S NOT A BL Shadow. Just, y'know, another reminder that queer people aren't Virtuous or Evil by nature. We're a big ole clusterfuck of nuance, so you don't have to support MGB for Ark just because he's a queer man. I have zero proof that I can share publicly, so you don't have to take my word for it. Just, y'know, in case you were on the fence, I've heard he's a dick.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go write absolutely filthy gay porn to purify myself from writing Joss's name so many times.

[unfortunatelyphoenix]

Ok, so I know that the GIW base got blown to smithereens but if they really are a part of the government then there is probably at least 1 in each state, meaning Danny isn't as safe as he first thought and that brings in so much potential angst. So ima give a small prompt/scenario to the people who actually know what's going on in these fandoms other than the odd episode or two that they watched when they were still a kid.

The GIW that were stationed in New Jersey had recently gotten a very strong reading from the city of Gotham, and while the place usually has a lower reading thanks to what's constantly happening in that hell city this is way more than normal, so they go and investigate it. This team likely hasn't heard of Phantom before, and if they did they think he died in the explosion, so when they go to investigate and inevitably find Trickster during the night they think that he's a new ghost harassing the living and causing problems. Danny on the other hand is scared shit-less when he sees this group of GIW and immediately freaks out, having thought he had gotten rid of them or at least away from them when he set the bomb off, so he immediately goes to flee in terror. As he was fleeing them though one of the agents managed to hit him in the abdomen with one of their weapons, and while not a direct hit it's still really bad. Like it's causing him unimaginable pain and making his powers freak out badly, so he is crying as he holds his bleeding stomach as he desperately tries to get away from these guys.

Eventually, at some point of him fleeing, he runs into another rogue somehow, maybe he runs into Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy or something idk. But what matters is that this kid, who has never shown anything goofy kindness, even in the few rogue fights he's been in (and those are more so just bickering or him being a lighthearted prankster), is crying and absolutely terrified with a horrendous injury to his abdomen that's somehow causing his powers to freak out. Whoever found him knows this couldn't have been one of the bats or birds since they wouldn't hurt a rogue this bad, so they assume it to be another rogue (probably Joker or someone of the like) and go to beat them up cuz no one attack The Friendliest Rogue(™) but instead of it being a rogue it's a group of government agents from out of town, immediately making them more pissed off. So they quickly deal with the threat before going back to focusing on Trickster to try and help him while also somehow passing word on to the other more decent rogues to keep an eye out for any government issues who are in white because they tried to murder the Golden Retriever Puppy (Danny) and eventually this gets into the greater public and now everyone hates the GIW, because while Trickster maybe strangely friendly he is a Gothamite through and through and nobody messes with one of their own.

As this is going down the rogue(s) who found him are attempting to help heal this poor guy who is absolutely terrified and in an unbearable amount of pain and learn a couple things.

1. This is a literal child.

2. He has a ton of scars, especially lichtenberg scars.

3. He has a very bad history with this specific group of government people and is absolutely terrified of being dissected by them.

4. He wasn't born with his powers and misses his parents (probably mumbled this one in his sleep or when he was in too much pain to think straight).

This ends up leading to the conclusion that Trickster was likely kidnapped as a small child by the government and experimented on him. This makes everyone even MORE pissed and ready to throw down with these assholes.

GOTHAM'S NEW ROGUE 3

-An hour before-

Danny is hatching a new plan today. Usually, he goes after the rogues who decide to make a spectacle or show for the public. But today, he will be the one to make it.

As all the devices are put together, Danny readies himself to turn on the screen. Lightly slapping his cheeks a few times Danny brace himself for his first solo stream.

*Live On*

Trickster: Well hello everyone! Isn't today unusually too peaceful. With all the rogues in Arkham and no one for me to bother, I decided to do the most out of my time.

Danny walks to a big hulking machine under wraps by a big piece of cloth. Danny pulls the cloth revealing a big machinery that has a giant clock in the middle.

Trickster: Over here I have my latest invention. I realized that people in this city really love coffee so what I do is make a machine that will spread gasses of caffeine into the air for people to consume via breathing. I even make sure that the special caffeine concoction wouldn't affect children because if I know one thing, it is that children with caffeine are scarier than any rogue.

Danny walks to the panel with a comically large red button with the word 'start' on it right under the clock.

Trickster: Now, when I click this button, it will turn on the timer, which is 30 minutes by the way, and when it runs out, the machine will release the caffeine into the air making everyone unable to sleep for one whole day. What is the effect on the city you may ask? I honestly don't know. But it will be funny if tomorrow everyone just drops dead asleep on the ground at work tomorrow.

Danny suddenly stops talking and slams the button heavily.

Trickster: Anyway, the timer starts now. Come find me if you wanna stop it.

Danny then leaves the screen and lets the camera focus on the clock as it ticks down. Danny sits on a nearby table and continues tinkering with his new special glitter bomb.

It's been 30 minutes when suddenly a window is broken and comes in Batman in all his glory. Except what Batman sees isn't the machine or even Trickster. It is a maze full of what he deems as traps laying around. Batman carefully trudges through the maze as he skillfully disarms the traps that are laid on the ground.

It takes Batman a whole 25 minutes to finally pass the maze before he finally sees the machine without Trickster anywhere in sight. He slowly and vigilantly approaches the machine and sees a small blue button with the word 'stop' right beside the red button.

If Batman had more time, he wouldn't have done anything rash but right now he doesn't have the time nor the ability to safely disarm the machine without making any mistake.

He pushes the button and the clock stops right then and there. He stares at his surrounding vigilantly expecting an ambush. And he is not wrong. There is indeed an ambush. Just not a normal ambush.

The machine that has stopped moving suddenly begins to shake heavily and Batman immediately jumps back to distance himself from whatever the machine is about to do.

Except when he lands, an ice forms under his legs trapping him and he tries to break the ice but the ice is very hard and impossible for him to break immediately at least. He is going to request for backups when the machine turns into tiny robots that start to surround him. He tries to smash all of them but not only are they strong and durable, EMP bombs also don't work on them.

After struggling for a while, some of the robots finally climb their way onto his head. One of them hangs from his mask and releases a gas from its mouth. Batman starts to lose consciousness and just as he is about to pass out Trickster appears in front of him.

Danny looks at Batman and orders his robots to tie him upside down, while rummages through his belt. Danny pulls out a lot of things from smoke bomb that accidentally explodes when Danny throws them to a bat shark repellent? What the hell? Anyway, after going through his belt for a while he finally found his target.

The Batwallet.

Danny turns to the hidden camera and starts to monologue.

Trickster: Hello hello everyone. Today, we have a very special guest. Presenting to you an unconscious Batman! And right here I have the strongest weapon in the world. The Batwallet! Hahahahaha.

Trickster: Now, you might be thinking. What is so strong about the wallet? And that my dear friend is the reason I am here today. Let's take a look at what's inside shall we.

Danny pulls out a black card with a bat symbol in the middle of it. Showing it to the camera, Danny gives out the biggest smile he can (somehow).

Trickster: This is the Bat credit card. I know. Sounds stupid. But you know what isn't stupid. The limit on this card. There is no limit. That means I can buy whatever I want with this.

Danny then pulls out a few polaroid pictures from the wallet that catches his attention.

Trickster: What's this? The bats secret identity? Boring. Why would I need to know who they are? Wait. This one is funny. Is this little Nightwing? Hahahaha. He's so little. *Gasp* Little Red Hood. Aww schmuck. I wanna share this with someone. I'm keeping this. I'm sure Batman has backup of these pictures.

Danny then phases the card and the photos into his body and picks up the camera.

Trickster: All right. That's it for today's stream. Oh yeah. We are in the warehouse south of the Bowery. I will shoot a flare after this for you to come get Batman. Well, you better come fast or other people will come for him.

After that the stream is cut off and a flare is shot from one of the warehouses in the Bowery. When the Bats arrived, all that was left was an unconscious Batman, tied up from the ceiling with his belt on the ground.

While the bats are busy extracting Batman back to the cave, Danny is having a feast at the Batburger. On his table, there are 50 sets of burgers, fries and cokes (the soda). Along with his food, he has pretty much paid all the food for everyone inside the Batburger. People were pretty on the fence when he first entered, but Gothamite being Gothamite, they readily accepted him when he paid for their food.

While Danny is busy eating, a big buff guy in a suit approaches him with his own food.

???: Good evening, Mr. Trickster. May I eat with you?

[hylemorph]

Thomas' relationship with masculinity in Nosferatu 2024

Thomas' motivation at the start of the film is financial self-sufficiency in the form of a promotion, and I think this is the starting point for his character arc through the film, which I personally see as a negotiation with the masculine roles available to him. Thomas is clearly embarrassed to be in debt to Friedrich, and paying him back and providing a similar level of comfort to Ellen is important to Thomas (maybe partially because she came from wealth herself). Thomas and Friedrich seem to have a good friendship, but there's definitely a vibe that Friedrich is a superior, and maintaining the correct level of victorian niceties seems to be important in their dynamic. Later in the movie when Friedrich and Ellen are arguing, Friedrich completely side-steps the actual topic (Anna's bite marks and delirium) by taking offence to her "marked tone" and the fact that she isn't performing the conventions of his superiority ("I hope, for your husband's sake, that you learn to comport yourself with the appropriate deference"). Upholding vapid, hierarchical victorian manners is closely aligned with the kind of masculinity Friedrich represents.

Thomas' vulnerability to this kind of masculinity is exploited by Orlok as well. when Thomas arrives at the castle the first night, Orlok has a 'noble host' facade set up with wine and bread for his guest, talking about how his "attendants" have all gone to bed, pretending that he still functions in society as a Count. Orlok demands that Thomas calls him "my lord" and orders him around, testing how far politeness will go to constrain Thomas' reactions to him. Orlok drops the facade pretty quickly, but it's interesting that he bothered to test Thomas at all, and also that he needs Thomas' signature on his covenant - for some reason Orlok needs Thomas' buy-in for his superiority, just like Friedrich does.

If my theory that Orlok/Friedrich and Ellen/Anna are mirrors is valid, then I think Thomas' mirror is the Romani vampire hunter guy. On each of my viewings I was struck by how closely the camera hung on this unnamed side character who is only in the movie for like 5 minutes - why is he emphasized so much? When Thomas arrives at the inn he's exhausted and out of his element, the Romani people crowd around him shouting and dancing, and the shot pans up to this cocky looking guy leaning on a door frame. He cracks up at Thomas' stuffy, befuddled look, and all the other Romani people join in. During the hunt/ritual, he takes on the frontline role and tells everyone to stfu. He's clearly a leader, but not based on any formalized hierarchy.

The vampire hunter represents a different kind of masculinity that Thomas tries to emulate later on. When Thomas says that he'll kill Orlok by driving a cold iron spike through him, he's not referencing anything Von Franz told them, he's planning to do exactly what he saw the vampire hunter do earlier. It probably wouldn't have worked, and maybe the vampire hunter just stabbed a normal corpse, and that kind of masculine role wouldn't have been very authentic to Thomas anyways, but I think it shows that Thomas is trying a new approach. If he can't keep Ellen safe through conventional means, maybe he can win by being raw and bold and decisive. If he had more time with Ellen I believe Thomas would have found a role that was authentic and right for his marriage, because his love was extremely strong and he was able to accept her completely, but it was too late.

[writinginatree]

Kiss It Better

Relationship(s): Bodhi Durran/healer!reader

Summary: Bodhi shows up in the Healer Quadrant injured after a fight — again. With how often it happens lately, you're starting to suspect he's letting himself get hurt on purpose just so he has an excuse to come see you.

Dismissing your previous patient, you hurry on to the next. It's the day for challenges in the Riders Quadrant, which means even more of them are filling the beds of the infirmary than on normal days. Sure enough the person waiting on the next bed is dressed in black too, just like all five you'd treated today so far.

"What can I do for—" You break off when you actually look at the patient's face instead of just his uniform, and realize who it is sitting in front of you. "Bodhi?!"

"Hi, darling," your boyfriend greets you with a sheepish grin you don't return.

"What happened?" you demand to know instead. The only wound you can see on him is a small cut in his lower lip, but if that was all, he would've been turned away in favor of more seriously injured patients on such a busy day as this. "Is it bad? Show me where you're hurt!"

"It's not that bad," he assures you, and you relax a little, grateful he answered the most important question first. "Regular challenge, is all."

Still, his anatomical knowledge is hardly good enough to accurately judge if an injury is serious. He might think it isn't if it doesn't hurt much, but there are plenty of injuries that could be dangerous without feeling too bad.

"Show me!"

He lifts his shirt, revealing a fresh bruise blossoming across the side of his chest. "I think one or two of my ribs might have gotten cracked a little."

"Gods, Bodhi—"

"It's not that bad, really."

"Lie down and leave it to me to judge how bad it is. I'm the healer here, not you."

Bodhi does as you said, but can't stop himself from trying to soothe you. "Of course. I'm just saying, it barely even hurts. I wouldn't have bothered seeing a healer about it, but I knew you have infirmary duty today, so I figured—"

He interrupts himself with a hiss of pain when you touch your hand to the bruise, gingerly feeling along his ribs. There's some swelling, but no more than is normal for a bad bruise, and you can't feel any deformities from loose pieces of bone, either.

"Does it hurt when I press here?"

Bodhi nods, and you take your hand away, running it through his curls instead.

"How bad? On a scale of one to ten?"

"Six, maybe?"

"Okay... Take a deep breath. Does that make the pain worse?"

Doing as instructed, he winces. "Yeah, that hurts. But normal breathing doesn't."

You nod to yourself, already fairly certain it's just a small hairline break at the most. Painful enough, but by no means fatal.

As you continue to assess the severity of Bodhi's injury, your worry for him starts to ease, irritation rising in its stead. He's getting hurt much too often for your liking. It's not really his fault, you know, and it kind of comes with the job description of being a rider, but surely some of the injuries he has sought you out with could have been avoided if only he was a little more careful! Of course, it's not just him. After a year and a few months in the Healer Quadrant, you can confidently say that riders in general are reckless fools with zero regard for their own well-being — which is exactly why your fellow healer friends think you're insane for dating one of those daredevils with their thin-altitude-air-addled brains. While you love Bodhi dearly and wouldn't trade him for the world, your friends do have a point. Unlike you, your best friend never has to worry that her scribe boyfriend will wind up dead one day, nor does he add to the healers' already extensive enough workload by showing up injured every other day.

You shake your head at yourself. Now you're exaggerating. But Bodhi does make you worry a lot, and you can't even bring yourself to actually be mad at him for it. Not when he looks at you with that adoring smile, kissing your knuckles in thanks as you spread an ointment with a cooling effect over his bruised ribs.

"You're being careless lately," you say, the words coming out too softly to be taken as the accusation they're meant to be. "You never used to get hurt this often."

Bodhi just shrugs.

Having started dating at the end of your first year at Basgiath, you'd hoped to see less of him in your quadrant this year — as a patient, at least. But it seems second-year riders are no safer than their first-years. If anything, you've already seen more of Bodhi this year than you had in all your first year, though of course you hadn't payed as much attention to him then, so you might be misjudging.

You don't think you are, though. He's come seeking medical attention thrice in the last two weeks alone — conveniently always when you were on duty, you realize. You know he has your schedule memorized, so now that you think about it, it hardly seems like coincidence that every time he shows up it's when you're here. But it has to be, right? Surely he wouldn't be so stupid as to hurt himself on purpose just to see you... Right?

Faced with the way he's watching you — like a lovesick puppy, like you're the only thing in the world that matters — you're not so sure. It's true that classes and extracurricular responsibilities don't leave either of you as much free time to spend with the other as the both of you would like, but collecting injuries like this just for a few minutes more with you seems a little extreme.

And yet, you can't entirely put it past Bodhi. As a rider, extreme is kind of what he does.

Now that you've started thinking about it, you can't push the suspicion from your mind, so as you put the ointment aside, you decide to simply ask. "How come it's always when I'm on duty that you're getting hurt?"

Bodhi unsuccessfully fights a smile. "Luck?"

"Luck," you deadpan, now almost fully convinced he's been doing it on purpose. How fucking reckless can someone be?!

"Okay, you caught me. I might have been a little careless on purpose because I knew getting hurt would mean I get to see you."

"You're an idiot," you scold. "What if you'd gotten yourself hurt more seriously, huh? You won't get to see me at all anymore if you get yourself killed!"

"I wasn't that careless," Bodhi starts, but you're not in the mood to let him calm you down that easily.

"You can't control how badly someone hurts you when you let your guard down," you say. A look at the guilty look on his face has you softening a little. Cupping his cheek, you continue, "I wish we had more time together too, but I'd rather have you in one piece when I do get to see you."

Bodhi sighs. "I know. I'm sorry for being so reckless. Making you worry is the last thing I wanted."

"I know."

You peck his cheek, and reach for a cotton ball and antiseptic to disinfect Bodhi's split lip. He hisses at the sting, but you don't show any mercy until you're sure the cut is clean. A little pain now is better than possibly letting the wound become infected.

Bodhi gives you that adorable look you can never resist, tapping his bottom lip. "Kiss it better?"

You pretend to think about it, pursing your lips even as you want nothing more than to press them to his. "Only if you promise to be more careful," you finally say.

"Promise," he quickly agrees.

A little too quickly.

"I mean it, Bodhi. You've been lucky so far, but broken ribs aren't as harmless as you seem to think. If the fracture is bad enough the broken ends could pierce your lungs and kill you!"

He takes your hands, kissing each of your palms before answering, his voice taking on such serious a tone that you know he really means it when he says, "I'll be more careful. I promise. And I'm really sorry for making you worry about me."

You cup his face in both hands, tilting his head so you can press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Thank you," you mumble, and kiss him again. When he tries to deepen the kiss into something hungrier, you pull back, mindful of the cut in his lip. You rub your thumb over it, a slight smile on your own lips. "Careful, love, or it'll start bleeding again."

"Worth it," Bodhi shrugs and tries to kiss you again, pouting when you stop him with a finger over his mouth.

"Nuh-uh. Let it heal a little, then you can kiss me all you want on our date tomorrow."

"One more kiss," he pleads. "Just a little one."

You peck his lips one, two, three more times, finally forcing yourself to take a step back.

"I'll be in trouble if someone notices how long I'm taking with you," you say apologetically. "There's other patients requiring my attention."

Bodhi nods. "Right. I'll leave you to it, then."

"Not so fast." You push him back into his seat, turning to search through a shelf until you find the little ceramic container of pills you're looking for. You hand it to Bodhi, along with the ointment you'd applied to his ribs. "Here. Take one of these if the pain gets too bad. You can have up to three a day, but never less than five hours apart, okay?"

"Got it. Thanks."

"You can be generous with the cooling salve, but you'll probably only need it the first few days. It's only a small fracture, so it shouldn't give you too much trouble, but you do need to take it easy for a bit. Do not give me that look, Durran. If you overexert yourself that'll only make it heal slower."

"I know, I know. But I can still participate in challenges and stuff, right?"

You sigh. "I'd appreciate it if you took a day or two to actually rest, without sparring or any form of physical activity, but after that, yes. It should be fine, so long as you don't overdo it."

"I'll take it easy," Bodhi promises.

"And make sure you get enough sleep. Sleep is essential for your body's ability to heal itself, just like good nutrition." Smiling, you add, "You can drop by next week so I can check the healing progress."

Bodhi smiles back, and, rising to his feet, steals another kiss. "Sounds good. Then I'll stop distracting you from your work now. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

[deantfwinchester]

Gingerly

Pairing: No-Outbreak!AU, Joel x Teacher!Reader, same timeline

This one is set not long before the events of "A New Chapter" - before Reader & Sarah pick out Halloween costumes :)

Summary: Early mornings in the first trimester present a new set of challenges for the growing Miller family. Joel does his best to find remedies for their dilemma.

Warnings: pregnancy, so many euphemisms for vomit, so beware

A/N: this one isn't very long. it's lowkey a prequel to the one I'm posting next. Very similar stories at two different points in their lives. <3

Word Count: 1.8k.

____________________________________________________________

You’re spending longer than usual this morning hugging the porcelain. It didn’t take long after discovering your pregnancy for the morning sickness to kick in, and it’s a killer. This is happening more often than you’d like, but at least it’s over pretty quickly most days — just a little eviction of last night’s dinner to make room for breakfast, apparently. Isn’t this kid supposed to make you hungrier? What’s their deal?

Today’s a little different, and you’re left retching long enough to impact your punctuality to work. Gotta send a text to some coworkers to get your class covered. You hate it, but it’s not exactly a willpower game at this point — this kid wants all of yesterday’s food GONE, but your stomach is putting up a fight. Unfortunately, you’re the one losing.

Joel’s wandering anxiously in and out of the bathroom, worrying like hell. He’s going back and forth between sitting with you and rubbing your back —he’d pulled your hair up for you after the first evacuation — and checking on Sarah, making sure she gets ready for school. He’d hovered for a while until the two of you heard Sarah come downstairs, and you insisted he go get her some breakfast, just please don’t tell you what it is. He’s in and out as Sarah eats, and she pops in to check on you and tell you she made him sit down for a minute and eat something too. You shoot her the most grateful smile you can muster on the green-around-the-gills visage you’re sporting at the moment. He’s got a full day ahead as well, and you’d been worrying right back… from your position on the bathroom tile, at least. 

When they’ve both finished breakfast, Joel returns to your side, waiting until the last possible second to leave before Sarah’s late for school. You assure him it’s not a big deal, you’ll be okay in a little while. He knows this, and that it’s normal, but it breaks his heart to leave you there on the floor.

“How ‘bout I drop Sarah off and come right back? Tommy can get everybody started at the site, and I’ll just stay long enough to get you to work,” he questions, placing the back of his hand to your cheek to check your temperature again “just to make sure that’s all it is!” before sighing and tucking some loose hair behind your ear. You shake your head slowly, trying to minimize the nausea. 

“There’s not really anything for you to do, sweetie. As much as having you here with me afterward makes me feel better, we can’t both be late to work every day for the next month. Maybe longer than that. I’ll probably be fine by the time you get back anyway. Just be a wasted trip.” You huff at the end, hoping the nausea is reaching its end for this morning and you can get up and get ready to leave.

Joel looks at you with a pained expression and cringes at the word month. Just seeing you dealing with this the last few weeks has been agonizing for him — he doesn’t even want to imagine how it feels. 

“No such thing as a wasted trip when it comes to you, darlin’. ‘S my job, you know that,” he responds, with a sympathetic smile, and continues before you can rebut. “But alright, I’m goin’. Promise you’ll text me if you’re feelin’ any worse?,” he lifts a pinky to you, and you hook yours right back, turning your cheek when he tries to kiss your lips. You chuckle at his disappointment when his own lips meet your cheek.

“Gross, you do not wanna kiss me right now,” you laugh through. He begs to differ but understands your reluctance. He tells you to hang tight for just a minute before he finally leaves, and returns with an armful of supplies. Next to you on the floor are a water bottle, some plain crackers, some tylenol, and something with bubbles to settle your stomach. 

He asks you to “please try and eat a little somethin’ before you leave, baby”, to which you nod and assure him you’ll do your best, trying to get him satisfied as possible and light a fire under him before Sarah’s late for school. He bends down, kisses the top of your head, squeezes your shoulder, and heads out the door to meet Sarah in his truck. 

______________________________________________________________

Joel's texting to check on you around the time you get off the floor. You’re nibbling the crackers he left and trying small sips of water like he asked — which he’s reminded you of again — but you’re struggling with it.  He calls you as you’re packing your things to leave. 

“Hey sweetheart, how you feelin’? Get any of those crackers down for me?” he inquires.

“I’m fine, just about to leave. I ate a couple of them, and I’ll bring them with me,” you respond, trying and failing to keep the exhaustion from your voice. He pauses for a moment.

“Level with me, baby. You don’t sound up for it, you sure we don’t need to talk to the doctor? I can come home, we can go today, I’ll just—” but you cut him off before he can spiral any further.

“Joel. You’re sweet, and I know you’re worried, but it’s not any worse than normal. It’s just sticking around longer today. Yes, I’m still a little,,, blech,,, but it’ll be gone in a bit. I’ll make some tea before I leave, that’ll help,” you affirm. He lets out a sigh that tells you he’s not convinced, but resigned to the fact you’re going to work regardless. Soon enough, he arrives at the site and asks you to keep him updated, which you promise and wish him a good day and an “i love you” to get you both through the day. 

______________________________________________________________

You get to work right before the switch to 2nd period, still not feeling great, but stable enough to drive there safely and get your kids started on something to keep them busy. Today’s a good day for a documentary, a worksheet, and a dark classroom. The kids will thank you for it anyway, but somehow still need something every three minutes. That’s at least one thing that won’t be unfamiliar when the baby arrives — even though you have high schoolers. 

You shoot Joel a text, letting him know you got to work okay, and that you’ve chosen something to help you take it (slightly) easy today. You hope this message will ease his mind so he can get back to work as well.

Joel responds with a brief message in the affirmative, but he’s still worried sick. He’s seen you deal with this each day for the last couple of weeks, but this morning your voice was shaking and your face was ashen. What if this isn’t just today? What if it’s getting worse? He's afraid you’ll end up dehydrated or won’t bother to eat enough at work. You struggle with remembering lunch on days you feel good, he knows you won’t even bother today, and it’s eating at him while he works. 

He decides to surprise you at lunch time with something filling that won’t upset your stomach, and that’ll entice you to eat. He wants to make sure you’re fed today, and that there are some more options at the ready — for your sake and his own. He does a little research and stops by the grocery store to grab an array of plain foods and a bunch of liquids. By the time he leaves there are multiple types of crackers in tow, applesauce packets, a few bone broths, some of your favorite juices and teas, a bag of ginger candies plus a jar of ginger gummy vitamins, and more. He’s no technology wiz, but the man can google up a storm when the need arises. 

He rolls up to your classroom’s back door when he knows it’s time for lunch and texts you, grabbing his things and stepping out of the truck to meet you. You walk out to find him with a big bottle of cold gatorade and a takeout bag hanging from his fingers. You muse that the pretty big gatorade bottle looks normal-sized in Joel's large, gentle hands. You don’t even take anything from his grasp before you lean forward into his chest and wrap your arms around his waist. He smiles, and wordlessly puts his chin atop your head before wrapping his free arm around you, rubbing lightly up and down your back.

Neither of you has to say a word for him to tell you’re still not feeling 100%, and he’s whispering sweet things while you stand there in his embrace. You hide your face in his chest trying to quell your tears before they start. You know him well enough that this gesture doesn’t exactly surprise you, but he’s so thoughtful that his kindness moves you every damn time. It’s not something you ever felt before Joel, but he’ll never stop trying to get you accustomed, and you know that.

You look up at Joel like he hung the moon, memorizing every warm shade in his bright eyes, hoping your own reflect the appreciation and admiration dancing in your chest. He holds you tight and sits you in the passenger seat of the truck before pulling out the takeout boxes and cracking open your gatorade. The cool, lightly-flavored liquid soothes you in a way water hasn’t quite accomplished today — doesn’t even matter that neither of you knows what “Glacier Freeze” means, it’s effective. 

You lean against his shoulder while you both eat lunch, talking to each other and the baby. Joel laughs and praises you for putting on a movie for your kids before recounting the events of his morning. He shares everything he learned from his research, and even more he heard at the grocery store from a couple of older women who saw him contemplating the ginger options by the prenatal vitamins. You imagine him staring intently at bottles in the pregnancy aisle of the Health & Beauty section and laugh, thinking of how his concentration and concern would’ve made the old ladies he spoke to melt. You’re surprised he didn’t get a cheek pinched at this rate. 

You sit together until the school bell breaks your reverie and you have to kiss him goodbye. He hands you an already prepped ziploc baggie of even more shelf-stable snacks he bought to keep in your desk to settle your stomach as needed. You grin at him again, shaking your head.

“Joel, this is too much trouble. I can’t believe you did all of this just this morning!” you exclaim, before he scoffs and responds. 

“I told you — no such thing as a wasted trip for you, baby.”

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

"... I was under the impression that I would be fighting someone? Impress? What, am I supposed to court the hero while I'm at it?"

The sidekick groans, pulling at her hair with a grim expression. "Yeah. That's what this is about. You- are you not going to become the hero's archenemy?"

The villain looks confused. "I can't become the hero's archenemy if I don't- court them?"

Shaking her head, the sidekick pulls off the villain's shirt aggressively. He wanted to wear a T-shirt- a T-shirt! To his first official battle with the hero. It'll be broadcast, for heavens sake!

"It's not just about courting, you know. First impressions are important, and your impression was mediocre at best. We're lucky that the hero wants to fight you again at all! Your shoes were tacky, your hair dye was fading and your roots were grown out, and your shirt! Again with the shirts, boss. The presentation saved you, with the explosions and all. This time, I'm not letting you outside until you are fit to be the hero's archenemy."

He looks confused. His sidekick has all but stripped him to his tighty whiteys, and left to fetch clothes out of the closet. What was the point of stripping him if they were going to leave? The air is cold on his skin. He shivers.

Still in hearing range, the villain speaks loudly to continue the conversation. "None of that answered my question! Why am I courting the hero?"

"Well, it isn't really courting," the sidekick calls back. "Just, you have to earn your spot as his archenemy. Otherwise you'll get tossed around between hero associations, with no one in particular wanting to fight you. That's bad rep! Since he will be your first archenemy, you've gotta get it right. No second chances, they say."

The sidekick starts to manhandle her boss into new clothes, fashioning a grey button up with a bow collar and a black cloak, whose inside is lined with red velvet that has various swirly designs inside, giving the impression that the villain is backdropped in blood. His pants are dressy and fitted to his measurements, while the waistband goes higher than he's used to. It makes his waist look small.

"I don't know about this... shouldn't I look, you know, scary? I look like I'm going on a fancy date."

His sidekick mumbles something under their breath while tying his knee high boots. They have a minor heel on them, and he'd like the extra height if it weren't for the slender appearance of his calves. He works out, but this outfit smooths over his defined muscles, and even his dress shirt has loose sleeves. They round out his arms before connecting with his cuffs.

"Look, boss, don't you want to fight him? You told me that you really enjoyed your last encounter. You even licked the blood on your busted lip when you said it. This is just what you have to do if you want him to keep coming back to you!"

The villain grumbles, sliding his palms down his legs to search for some pockets, to rest his fidgety hands in, but to no avail.

"... Can I at least have pants with pockets?"

"Your coat has pockets, boss."

"It's not the same."

"Just deal with it for today. I'd have to redo the outfit if we changed the pants now. You have to be early, so that the hero can witness your silhouette behind the setting sun, with the blood red velvet accented by the orange rays of light. I tagged where to stand on your map; it'll look amazing."

"Right..."

His sidekick finishes lacing up the boots. It took far longer than his normal pairs of shoes. They feel stiffer too, because he hasn't broken them in yet.

"Listen boss, you can flirt as much as you want today-"

"Flirt?"

They continue, ignoring the question. His sidekick points accusingly at his face.

"-but you can't reveal my existence just yet. That isn't for until we get the laser finished. I have a whole plan." She waves her hand in the air, nonchalant. "He finds the laser, you confront him in the building, and when he's preparing to escape after you defeat him, I'll swoop in and knock him out. I'll help you interrogate him while he's tied up in the cell. It'll be a great entrance for me."

"So that's what that cell is for." He hadn't used it yet. She didn't tell him why they needed this facility specifically, only that it needed a place for a laser and a dungeon.

"Yes. I'm still wondering if we should make it comfy or not. Some heroes like the brutality of it, others prefer to keep it simple. Some even want to be taken care of in a fancy room with good food during their stay- they like the demeaning nature of it."

"Should I ask him?" He asks her sarcastically.

"No need. I'll watch the footage from your hidden camera. It's in your collar, the base of the bow? The fabric shouldn't flap around too much. I'll listen to your conversations and make the judgement myself."

"Okay..." the villain feels a little under qualified for his position. His 'sidekick' is starting to feel less like a sidekick and more like an idol manager. "So, if this goes wrong, does that mean I can't fight him again?"

"Basically. The hero corp will watch the footage of your confrontation from the TV or the hero's hidden cam, and decide if they'll assign him to your case. It's phrased in a more, 'hero,' type way, but that's what it means. There's a lot of work that goes into finding a hero-villain match, but I think you two really work together."

"... This feels like matchmaking. I'm not doing this to date him."

"Right."

"You don't sound like you believe me."

"I mean, obviously it'll take a while."

"What does that mean?"

"A bond between hero and villain can take some time to form, it's okay. The frustrating aspect of being defeated or succeeding too much can affect your relationship. If you really aren't a match, we can request a new hero from the committee."

"No, I feel like you're misunderstanding me. I like fighting him."

"So you have to dress nice! To see him again."

"This is not going to be that type of relationship. Fighting and thwarting only."

"Right. I know that. Anyway, you should get going."

"You-"

"If you're late you won't get to meet him again."

The villain runs to the door. "This conversation isn't over!"

"Have fun!"

The door to the dressing room slams closed. The sidekick hums, picking up their boss's previous outfit off the ground. They catch it on fire with their ability. When it is reduced to ashes, she cleans up the mess.

"... I wonder if the hero has a sidekick."

They leave the room to go watch the fight from the villain's hidden camera.

Prompt (466)

"That's what you're wearing to fight the hero?" the villain's sidekick asked skeptically.

The villain looked down at their clothes. "Yeah. Why?"

"Nothing, it's just. . .a little basic. You want to impress them, don't you?"

[utilitycaster]

I am curious if you think the campaign wrap up will perhaps address some of the campaign shortcomings or challenges the cast faced in trying to land this campaign narratively, especially in comparison to previous campaigns? Not that they would disparage the whole campaign - but like a little “yeah this didn’t work as well as we wanted at times?” 

It’s odd because I find myself weirdly optimistic about CR as a whole despite this campaign’s possible lackluster ending, so I guess I’m hoping the campaign wrap up acknowledges that this campaign didn’t always play to their strengths in hopes that their next long form venture does more, idk.

I don't know if it will but. that's precisely the tenor any question I send will have: I don't think the fundamental concept is the issue - hell, I don't even think killing the gods is actually a problem if you appropriately set up a scenario where killing the gods has a motivation other than "mortals were mean to me in their name" [thing that happens irl all the time in a world with zero proof of divinity, in my religiously observant ideologically agnostic and skeptical opinion] or "I have issues with my parents I never worked towards so I've projected this onto The Ultimate Parents instead of like. being fucking normal." But it needed a lot more scaffolding at the VERY least in the prep for this campaign, and actually, to be blunt, if you want to make this a balanced issue you needed to seed this concept through prior campaigns in a meaningful way. There's a reason pretty much everyone who defends this campaign as Extremely Good, Actually is either doing some form of wildly revisionist history of the fandom and the past campaigns that's demonstrably false if you were like. there; or else they started with C3 and decided they were an expert despite being of below-average literacy and deeply below average personality and have to resort to such miserable efforts as "arguing that canon isn't real" and "posting an out of context Le Guin quote over and over in the hopes we won't notice they're actually 511 mice in a trenchcoat who can't actually read". So yeah I hope Matt is like this was an ambitious project and I'd have done many things differently.

I do wonder what's next for CR, because as I mentioned, it feels like the cast is stronger in shorter form; that even the other longform shows are moving to shorter form right now; and that WBN and C3 kind of show the limits/failings of longform. I hope they do another longform campaign at some point in the future, but it might make sense to take an extended break and play in the space for a while. They only took about 4 months between campaigns for the past two and maybe it would be good to take longer and focus on Daggerheart, Candela, and EXU for much of the year and if they do longform wait 8-10 months, especially with the comparatively extensive touring schedule this year.

I also hasten to add, and I mentioned this briefly in talking about CRPGs, but I think there's a Third Campaign Dip that's not inevitable (NADDPod didn't really have it; TAZ switches systems enough that it's not an issue) but definitely hit here, that doesn't apply to a fourth one. Like, for CRPGs (girl who's played Veilguard twice and gotten through the first day of Disco Elysium voice) it feels like the first run is following what seems most fun to you and then the second is playing around with other choices that maybe aren't as appealing just to see what happens, and then for the third and future runs you kind of know the full lay of the land and what you'll like while still allowing for a range of choices. For class-based TTRPGs, the first is the self-insert/thing that's fairly comfortable and easy/character you've dreamed of; the second is what you do now that you know how this works; and then the third can be...an overextension, shall we say. I think after that you figure out, again, the bounds of your comfort zone, how much you can stretch it, and what you don't like, you're in a much more consistent footing.

[gamerbot-22]

Trigun Cuddles

Because I am ill and depressed and I would like my blorbos to hold me about it. (Literally I am in the middle of the worst cold of my fucking LIFE right now but I persist. Somehow.)

Also it’s kinda wild that it’s taken me this long to write anything for Trigun considering it’s taken over my life entirely since I finished watching TriStamp a while back? So here's me trying to rectify that.

TW/CWs: Written with no definitive versions of these characters in mind (except Knives/Nai) but my clearest point of reference is TriStamp, probably overly sappy in places because I’m allowed it as a treat, pretty romantic in tone because I’m Normal, barely proofread.

Likes and Reblogs appreciated, RQs are open, it’s all under the cut! (If anyone sends me a Trigun request I will kiss you on the mouth /p)

I’m experimenting with layouts, too. What do you guys think?

🥀 Vash the Stampede

Please hold him he has been through so much and he deserves it—

Triple S-Tier fucking cuddler. I will not be convinced otherwise, he’s just the perfect shape for it.

He’ll lay down first and let you move him however you want him so you’re comfy first. Partially does this because of his chronic need to people please and partially because he’s slept in so many weird positions over the years that he genuinely doesn’t mind if it means he gets to hold you.

If you ask, though, his favorite position is any one that makes it easy to put his face against your neck. He just wants to be close.

Being a Plant means he’s, by default, very cool to the touch, I think. Vash is a Well Ventilated King like that—

Also if you let him I think he’ll sneak little kisses sometimes. They never last more than a second or two, but this is what happens when you’re in smoochin’ distance!!

He has dreams most nights, so that means a bit of sleep-talking and mumbling, but if you pet his hair he usually calms down, nuzzling in closer and giving you a little squeeze about it.

🍭 Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Another man who desperately needs a cuddle.

I think he takes a bit more convincing than Vash, though. Like Vash’ll drop everything to give you a hug but Nico is, ironically enough, more of a cat about it. You gotta let him come to you, y’know?

But if you do it’s really nice. He wants to be as close as possible, because he cares a lot and he trusts you, but he’s bad at saying it and this is a good way to make up for all the silence.

He’s strong and you can feel it, but he’s careful. He never crushes you, he's just got you tight so you’re up against his chest all night.

Also this man is a radiator. Blankets are not recommended when cuddling with him because you will wake up in a sea of your own sweat—

He can also be a bit of an asshole about his scruff. He knows it’s rough like the rest of him, but he’s less sorry about it than his calloused hands so guess who’s gonna be on the receiving end of some scratchy-ass nuzzles!!!

He doesn’t sleep-talk, but he does snore, so sometimes you gotta roll him over into a new position to spare yourself the sound.

📸 Meryl Stryfe

Augh... Meryl.... Underrated queen...

I feel like cuddling is not that hard of a sell for her, especially since Gunsmoke nights are cold as shit. And it's compounding with Meryl being one of those people with "feel how cold my hands are" circulation.

Probably gonna have to ask people to donate blankets to The Cause, but hey!! You'll be like two caterpillars sharing a cocoon by the end of the night, and isn't that what it's all about?

Also you're probably gonna want to make sure that cocoon is wrapped up tight because Meryl kicks in her sleep. Not hard, I don't think, but you can definitely feel it in any dreams you have--

Thankfully though, she's very quiet. No sleep-talking, no snoring (usually,) just. A Lotta Movement unless you're holding her especially tight.

I think she's very versatile when it comes to cuddling positions, though. Like some nights she wants to be held and then the next night she wants to be the one doing the holding.

And I'm very firmly of the belief that Meryl is the type to pack pjs whenever she goes somewhere. So like, with Vash and Wolfie you're going to have to deal with various states of undress, Meryl has a really cute, soft two-piece set of pjs.

💼 Milly Thompson

That's right!!! She's here too!!! I felt the need to include this sweetheart even though she's probably the main character I know the least about (one day I will finish '98 and Maximum, this I swear--)

Vash and Meryl being Well Ventilated Royalty 🤝 Nico and Milly being Human Shaped Hot Water Bottles--

Unlike Wolfie though, I think Milly is a much more comfortable heat. Like you can still have a light blanket over the two of you and be okay.

Also low-key I think Milly is objectively the best cuddler in this bunch. She came from a family with like a million kids, she's probably very used to sharing a bed while still being comfortable.

Like if you just tell her how you're the most comfortable she has the position down to a science. It's an observed science, but a science nonetheless!!!

If you ask her what she likes, though, the gal just wants to be cradled. She wants to feel precious and protected, damnit!!

Similar to Meryl, I think she has pajamas packed, and hers is this really long, comfy nightgown that feels really nice to hang on to.

🔪 Millions Knives / Nai

No. [Gets up from my desk]

[I am forcibly placed back in front of my computer] Alright, alright! Jesus Christ, look-- I can play in the space, but truly, down to my core, I feel like there is no way in hell Nai would go down for a cuddle on anyone else's terms. Just like. Idk. "Don't cuddle with this knife pervert" or whatever BDG said in that Polygon Mortal Kombat video I love so much.

Vash and Meryl are Well Ventilated. Nai is fucking freezing. Like the only temperature comfortable way to do this is for you to channel the thickest burrito you have ever seen and pray that's enough blankets.

You get. Maybe an arm out of this trade deal. At least at first. He already went out of his way to get you nice blankets, and you want more? In this economy he's trying to run into the ground??? Humans are so selfish! (He is doing all this complaining while hoisting you and your blankets' mass over to his side of whatever horizontal surface you have claimed as a bed--)

Aside from whatever limb he has on you, I just. I don't think he even sleeps. Like it turns more into a Forced Meditation for him where he just lays on his back and stares at the ceiling while you relax/get some z's.

The Weird Space Onesie Stays ON During Sex Cuddles.

Maybe. Maybe. If he likes you enough... You get to spend a cuddle session swaddled up in that spaceman-ass security blanket jacket/hood/whatever-it-is he wears.

[wingedshadowfan]

the arcane fandom will hate me for this one but i have to speak my truth !

i don't think vi is the "not jealous type":

i think ppl are just misreading her reactions in two (2) particular scenes and that's why they think so! so i'll talk abt those briefly in a sec

i think ppl have this impression of her having so little self-worth that she wouldn't care if her partned flirted w/ someone or someone flirted w/ them, which i personally hate to see! (and yes, she does have issues w/ putting her own needs first and taking what she needs sometimes, she's been shown to self-destruct in dire situations, and she'd put everything on the line to protect her loved ones but that! does! not! translate! into potentially being okay w/ your partner breaking boundaries)

the scene where she learns caitlyn is into women: first of all, caitlyn and vi are still practically strangers at this point so it's very early to say vi has any feelings for (let alone romantic relationship to) caitlyn that would warrant her feeling jealous!! there's perhaps attraction there ("you're hot, cupcake") but no possessiveness, for reasons other than "vi isn't a jealous partner"! everything in vi's behavior shows this entire sequence is power play to her and she's just toying w/ her food ("the undercity will eat you alive") - she's putting a piltover girl of status, an enforcer, in a situation where she has to do something she deems unbefitting ("i will not!" ) if she wants to achieve her goal, because vi finds it entertaining! piltovians getting their hands dirty, being desparate (think of sevika's glee when she's choking caitlyn in s2 and caitlyn bites her hand, resorting to behavior that's beneath her). vi doesn't expect caitlyn to actually do it - so when she sees her flirting with a girl, this is the first time she's proven wrong abt caitlyn! she thinks, "wow, so she's for real/she's got it in her". not only is caitlyn willing to put her pride aside for more important things, she also seems to be enjoying herself - a contrast to her previous uptight and nervous demeanor, and a sign this place might grow on her, as well as proof she's into women, which to vi is smth they have in common. (and no, i won't get into social psychology and theories of homosociality rn but we are all likely to like ppl similar to us/to what we know, esp when we're unsure of someone's personality, views or values)

the scene where caitlyn pulls away from vi mid-makeout - after vi has forgiven her and decided to ultimately take what she wants for once instead of just running after her loved ones and carrying the responsibility of their safety - to tell her she "saw someone": i wrote a separate post a while ago explaining why to me her simple wording is brilliant in making it very apparent that whatever her fling was, she was not only willing to be upfront abt it but it was also shortlived, she thought of it as a mistake, and it was now over. crucial knowledge, although it can be argued vi didn't process it that extensively at all. which, fair. but it also very much happened when vi was gone and likely hadn't forgiven caitlyn yet (despite having had feelings for caitlyn at the time, and caitlyn for her, which she was obv aware of). so her reaction (cait, i don't fucking care) was completely understandable. they'd only kissed once, before having a huge fight/fallout, and this was before they'd put (at least on screen lol) a label on their relationship - and while we don't see them do that after their sex scene either, we see them basically living together almost domestically after the war and i believe that's confirmation enough. i've also talked before abt how/why caitvi have never doubted their love for each other so i'm willing to bet vi understood the insignificance of caitlyn's relationship in her absence - vi also did some questionable shit in the meantime

so, do i think vi is the jealous type then?

short answer is: yes, at least the normal amount. (so less than caitlyn). because to me, it makes total sense that she would be!

she was so madly in love she was hallucinating caitlyn after their fight, which lead to her descend into alcoholism, pit fighting, style change, madness and anguish. and during that time she'd kept the enforcers badge and used the kiramman house banner as a blanket, like?? do you seriously think she'd let caitlyn flirt w/ others once they're in a relationship (not that caitlyn would) or wouldn't mind someone else trying to flirt w/ caitlyn?? bffr vi is not sharing

idk how relevant this is since it's not exactly jealousy but i thought it's worth mentioning that since vi has been shown physically using her body to defend or shield others (both defensively and offensively): she's definitely the type of gf to tell caitlyn "wear whatever you want babe, i can fight"

[breakyourrxles]

❥between two breaths (m) | 𝟙𝟘

𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡

↳ You become comfortable... and suppose you always knew that it would eventually lead to your breaking point.

kim sunwoo x fem!reader (side lee juyeon x reader) — idol!sunwoo, fan/trainee!reader. forced proximity, forbidden love, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, idolverse-typical themes regarding; dating, image, public perception, etc. happy ending, plot-heavy!! reader thinks she's nonchalant about it but she rly isn't. smut. [6,5k wc ongoing] cws: heavy themes of wanting-but-can't-having, mild jealousy, explicit sexual content, a little alcohol consumption, dancing on the edge of career suicide, poor decision making because of The Wanting.

❥ masterlist | ao3

Eric's voice drops to just above a whisper and he says, "It's gotta be pretty obvious by now, right? Everything? I can promise you he isn't just handing out his personal information to any pretty girl at a fansign."

Weekends are long with music show promotions and additional schedules fitted into all of the potential breathing spots. Days feel as though they never truly end with the next starting shortly after and with next to no time in between. You're tired, you're overworked, but this is the life that you knew you were signing up for.

You are given a Monday. A single Monday morning where you are gifted by chance the opportunity to not have a schedule. Sleep feels as though it is an impossibility to ever truly catch up on, and your body is so used to waking at the early, dark hours of the night that even with nothing to do, rest can no longer find you.

Thus, you shoot off a text. A hope for companionship that carries no expectations along with it. 

"Good morning, I've already got you a coffee. Looks like you could use it."

Juyeon's thoughtfulness is something you have grown only somewhat accustomed to, because he is inclined to think of things long before you have had the chance to. He smiles at you gently from his seat at the small table and the aroma of freshly roasted coffee beans and blooming pastries from the back of the building fills the room with otherwise quiet welcoming.

You sit down across from him and immediately drop your forehead to the table.

"That bad, huh?"

Groaning, you only barely lift yourself to grant him your attention. "I feel like I've been awake for a week straight."

"Yeah, that's not uncommon. There's more where that came from." Pushing the mug towards you, it lightly bumps your hand. "Drink up, I'm sure you've got stuff to do in the afternoon, too."

"Of course I do. There's always something."

Through idle conversation you discover that The Boyz are slated for a comeback in the not so distant future. It will be their first since MVNE's debut, and you're interested to watch the inner workings of a group you have followed as a fan for so long from the inside, rather than out. Maybe you can learn something from all of this; develop better time management, figure out a way to not feel as though all of your strength is being sucked out of your body each and every day.

Unfortunately, the expectations of a rookie group and that of a far more established one are different, and this is something that you know all too well already.

Eventually, Juyeon finishes his drink and shoves the empty mug off to the side. His elbow comes up to sit atop the polished wood of the table and his chin sits just inside of his palm. He looks at you with a sort of amused adoration that you've never quite seen from him, though you have seen it before.

"It's nice that we can meet like this," he says.

Something inside of your chest flutters ever so slightly, and that is wholly unexpected. You feel the same, because this is the closest thing you have to anything resembling what's left of your real and normal life.

It's so much easier to carve out normalcy with Juyeon than it is to do so with Sunwoo, a fact that is terribly unfair to either of you, but a fact nonetheless.

And Sunwoo is not the only person not currently present that springs to mind.

Nervously shifting in your seat, you chuckle under your breath and say, "Well, as it would turn out, there are other people who wouldn't mind having this opportunity to sit here with you."

Juyeon's eyes widen just for a second, seemingly surprised by the news.

"Is that so?"

"My member Nara," you begin, "Turns out she has taken quite a fancy to you." Neither of you say anything for a few long moments after that, and though you are somewhat expecting a response from him, nothing ever comes. So, you prompt him further by saying, "She's pretty, talented; has a strong personality that I actually think would match you quite well. What do you think?"

Giving something of a half-smirk, Juyeon sits back in his chair and slumps down just a bit. He crosses his arms over himself and looks up towards the ceiling as if he is mulling the information over in his mind thoroughly before ever offering up a response. While he does so, you simply watch and wait.

Finally, he sighs and says, "I can't say I'm really looking to get involved with anyone right now." His attention is still up and away; thoughtful and rife with consideration. "I'm sure she's lovely, and I certainly have noticed her on the stage, it's just…"

Juyeon trails off, and finally, his gaze falls back down squarely to you.

"It's not easy doing this. Meeting someone, getting to know them, navigating everything that comes before establishing whether or not we're a good fit for one another. It's a lot of work in the best of circumstances—when there's just two normal, curious people with an inkling of interest—much less given all of these added hurdles."

Leaning forward and fitting his chin into his palm once more, he smiles at you and says, "I'm afraid I'm just not up to the task right now, and particularly not with someone that I've not already traversed those hurdles with. I prefer it when it's easy, when it's natural." A contented sigh follows, and finally his smothering attention towards you breaks in favor of the croissant sitting on the plate between you. "I like to let things happen, and it'll all fall into place like it's meant to."

The spell you'd been inadvertently locked into breaks, and you're not sure you've taken a single breath while Juyeon's sights have been set on you.

When the music cuts off, you know what's waiting for you on the other side of it.

For now, the room is filled with damp, heavy air and the rhythmic sounds of heavy breathing. You slump down to rest your hands against your knees—it's been two hours of nonstop dance practice and going over certain routines—and to say you're tired is an incredible understatement.

You've not spent much time with Woori in the last few weeks, since right before and leading through your comeback promotions. Not alone, at least. All of MVNE are racking up a dense list of personal schedules, not to mention full group engagements, and personal time spent with the members dwindles throughout the days; right before your very eyes.

Before you've really noticed, it's all just sort of gone.

But Woori has asked you to be here with her today during some of the few hours that the both of you have managed to carve out simultaneously. She could be spending this time doing anything else; resting, relaxing, tending to the relationships outside of her career that, like everyone else's, have surely suffered.

Instead, she is here with you.

A loud sigh is exhaled from behind you, followed by the crinkling of a roughly-handled water bottle soon to be consumed. You glance back ever so slightly, but before you are fully able to turn a hand is extended with a bottle intended for you.

Accepting it, you stand fully, and for what feels like the first time since this excursion has begun, both of your attention is fully resting on the other.

"I need to ask you this, because it's my job," Woori says. There is little combativeness in her tone despite what the words themselves might suggest, and rather, the air of it all gives a sense of anticipation. Anticipation towards something else, perhaps something more akin to disappointment. "Realistically, I've accepted a long time ago that I am not your mother, nor do I want to take on that role in the group. Still…"

Your eyes remain fixed on her through a bout of momentary silence until she finally continues on to say, "You and Sunwoo."

Though your stomach drops, you do your best to mask it. Instead, your features twist into evident confusion. "What about us?"

"That's what I'm asking you. It's going to be easier for everyone going forward if I know about things that I can get ahead of."

You wonder if she knows. If somehow, word has traveled through the pipeline of onlookers living at an apartment complex where you definitely shouldn't have been. Being set up to lie is far from an ideal circumstance, and if Woori knows about your escapades either following Idol Radio or showing up to Sunwoo's shared accommodation, you'd prefer her to just come out with it.

The irony of desire for a truthfulness that you, yourself, are unwilling to give is not lost on you.

Taking a long sip of water, your eyes fall away from her in correlation with what you can only assume to be guilt. 

"Nothing is going on," you lie. "If anything, I see Juyeon these days more often than I see him."

"Is that because he's busy, or something else?"

"Sunwoo is my friend, I shouldn't be demonized for wanting to see him. I understand that the circumstances are the way they are but there are other people inside of our very own group who are hoping to plant the seeds of express interest, yet all of the concern seems to be set on me."

Woori's eyes narrow in a kind of way that alludes to her not being aware of the thing that you are calling attention to. Good, you think, because deflection was precisely the plan.

"Put a pin in that other thing for a second," she says, exhaling a deeply perturbed sigh, "but you know the stakes are incredibly high in your situation specifically. Even just with his little stint on Idol Radio the reception was not all that positive, and that's just from him vaguely bringing the fact up. What do you think is going to happen if it were to ever come out as there being fire behind the smoke?"

"I know that. Nobody knows that better than I do."

"Lines have already been crossed," Woori warns, "I've seen it with my very own eyes, and who's to say what else I haven't seen?" She sighs again, allows a second of silence to pass between you and then says, "Miyoung said you weren't home the other night with the rest of them."

"What are you suggesting?"

"I'm not suggesting anything, you're going to tell me, and then we're going to drop the subject for now. I don't enjoy rehashing this any more than you do."

More water, because it buys you some time. You drink it down and think through your options as far as this line of questioning is concerned. You're not going to tell her—you can't tell her that you went to his dorm—but at this point you have also lost the ardent will to defend yourself to any believable length. If it is always going to be like this, if you are always going to be on the receiving end of doubt; then why bother making such an effort to be especially believable?

Until something definitive is seen, then nothing you or Sunwoo do really, actually matters.

"I went for a walk. We don't get out much these days."

Woori merely stares at you. Her expression is fairly unchanged, and though there is little present to work from, what you most certainly find hanging there is doubt.

She sucks her teeth loudly and as if never having heard your response at all she says, "And what's this about the other thing then?"

"Oh, Nara's sudden budding intrigue in Juyeon, you mean?" You huff out a disbelieving laugh under your breath. "Seems like you've got your work cut out for you, leader."

"That's… Unpleasant," is all she says for a good few moments after the fact, as if giving herself time to navigate through her own thoughts on the matter. "But I don't need to tell you it's not the same thing."

Already having made your way to your disheveled bag and gathering your belongings, you shrug.

"Yes, I believe we've been over that more than a handful of times."

"I'll deal with Nara, but at the end of the day I don't have control over what she decides to do," Woori reasons. "Just like I don't ultimately have control over what you decide to do, either. In a perfect world and if things were up to me, we'd be at least—oh, I don't know—two or three years into our careers before I have to deal with an absolute avalanche of dating scandals?"

You look back at her from over your shoulder, and though you don't immediately reply, the face you give is loud with seriously?

"Juyeon isn't interested," you say. "So, I don't think you have to worry too much about that."

Woori hums. "I'm not so sure this is putting my concerns to rest," she says, eyes narrow and distrusting after having been presented with new information. Perhaps, more information than you had ever intended on giving. "If anything, it may be introducing more."

"First you're upset about the possibility of a relationship forming, now you're upset that it won't be?" you question. "Some leaders can never be pleased, I suppose."

"My qualms definitely aren't with his alleged disinterest in her."

You stand, slinging your bag over your shoulder and heading towards the door with Woori alongside. There's little more than a split second that goes by where the two of you meet eyes, and through that exchange alone, you already come to an understanding of everything she is concerned by.

Whether or not it's for good reason, remains yet to be seen.

"It's why," she says. 

Enthralled with the conversation you are engaged with, you don't even notice the nearing doom that is soon to descend upon your table at the company cafe.

A plastic tray drops down with a loud thud, all three of you start as a result of it. You, Serri and Kaia all immediately look up with disgusted expressions to discover the culprit of your interrupted good time.

To say you're not expecting it would be an understatement.

"Hi."

Eric stands there beside your table with his arms limply by his side, but there is nothing casual about his face. Instead, there's a hint of a smile that you absolutely do not like the look of, and naturally; his attention has fallen fully to you.

Serri's eyes drift from him and back to you. She says, "Do you know him?"

"Sort of," you answer. "I mean, in a kind of colloquial sense." Still facing Eric, you then choose to address him going forward. "Can we help you?"

"No. Well, sort of. I want to talk to you."

Not ideal.

There are few things on the docket of potential discussion points that might ever lead Eric to needing to talk to you, and in fact, there's really only one. One topic that you do not need brought up in the company of other people, and you would even go as far as to say should make rather obvious reasoning for not approaching you in that very same company, at all.

But, here he is. Not exactly gentle in his delivery, either.

Looking back to both of the girls for a second, you look to him again and say, "Okay, but I'm with my members, so—"

And just as quickly, both Serri and Kaia are gathering their things and seemingly moving towards making their fastest possible exit from the scene.

"No thank you," Serri says. "Whatever this is, I can assure you I don't want any part of it."

Kaia smiles, bows to him, and with swift agreement says, "Great seeing you, she's all yours!"

Just like that, they're gone.

Eric wastes no time plopping himself down into one of the just emptied seats, and pressing himself nearly halfway across the table—that still lingering, shit-eating grin ever present—he says, "Sunwoo."

You blink through silence a few times. "What about him?"

"You tell me! I heard about your little stint not that long ago, word travels fast through the dorms as I'm sure you could have anticipated. Changmin was very amused."

"Happy to provide some… amusement, I guess." You try your best not to let your discomfort in relation to the topic show, but sit wholly unaware of how good of a job you are actually doing. "I wanted to visit my friend, he's been busy lately. I'm sure you've noticed."

Waving a dismissive hand in the air, Eric rolls his eyes. "Sure, sure. Whatever. Do you really think I'm going to believe that? He told me how he showed up to yours that one time and you nearly tossed him over the side of the balcony railing, now all of a sudden you're showing up and I'm just expected to believe it's no big deal? Just felt like popping in for a visit? No big deal?"

He's annoying, but he is quite adept at doing fairly simple math.

Still, Eric probably means well but you can't let him in. As of now, comeback preparations for his group have begun ramping up, and with the years they have under their belt it results in longer days and much busier schedules than anything MVNE could even really begin to fathom yet. From one day to the next it feels like Sunwoo went from being almost obnoxiously underfoot to hardly ever heard from. Shows, practice, recordings and filming. If not one thing, there is always another waiting just around the bend.

As a result, communication with him has slowed nearly to a halt. Now, it is you who waits in the wings for a reply to a message that may not ever actually come. Humiliatingly humbling.

You spend a good portion of your days trying not to care.

Unfortunately, a byproduct of this is not entirely knowing where it is that the two of you stand. Sunwoo had been clear in the past; forthcoming and honest with his heart on his sleeve like he often does, and though your circumstances together had seemed to be headed in an evident direction then, the lack of communication has you wondering if at some point, unrealized by you, the path had diverted.

Maybe he is simply too busy to embark on that journey, and maybe a looming comeback and highly successful career is serving as something of a reminder of that fact.

Eric is still watching you.

"I guess I'm testing the limits of what I can reasonably get away with," you say, and it's not a complete lie. "I'm beginning to catch onto the fact that I take all of this just a little bit more seriously than everyone else does."

Jolting back, as if physically hit by the words you have just spoken, Eric's face twists like he can't believe what he's hearing, like it's the most absurd thing he has ever heard.

"You can't really believe that, right? That nobody else is taking their career seriously because they don't refuse to live, eat and breathe this shit every second of every day?" He snorts out a laugh and then continues on to say, "Come on, everybody clocks out. Even us. Even you."

"How are you not terrified of the prospect of becoming another article online? How do you not let that dictate your whole entire life?"

"Because it's going to happen anyway, whether I want it to, or not. Like, I could stay locked up inside of this building for months and if somebody wakes up one day and decides they want there to be some news about me, then there's going to be."

You raise an eyebrow. "So, what? Might as well give them something worth talking about then?"

He rolls his eyes again, as if quickly growing tired of your unrelenting antics.

"No, man! But listen… Is it really worth it to forgo every single aspect of yourself and your life just for this? Like, don't get me wrong, this is great, but it's all going to go away one day." Finally, he sets his sights on a melon slice sitting on his plate and shoves it into his mouth. "Most of us aren't going to still be doing this at 35, or 40; and then what do you have to show for it all? It's like starting again from scratch. At the very least, maybe you could have met someone along the way."

"I don't think most inactive idols who are married met their spouse while they were idols," you reason, but to that, Eric gives you a look of resounding doubt.

"A lot of them very much did."

Leaning back against the chair, Eric shrugs all nonchalant, like none of this really means anything to him either way. You know this to be untrue, however, due to his being here in any capacity whatsoever. It clearly does, and that fact alone rings alarm bells in your head.

He knows, he's onto you. It just so happens he has the tact not to say it out loud.

"Look, all I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be like this, you don't need to be so uptight about it all. No one else is, and most of them manage to escape out of the other side relatively unscathed. Think of it this way…" Eric meanders on the thought like he isn't entirely sure he wants to broach it to begin with, though ultimately, his nature betrays his sense of self-preservation. With another melon slice in hand, he waggles it vaguely in your direction and says, "How long were you following us as a fan—closely, might I add—and you never suspected a thing, now did you?"

A prior conversation with Juyeon springs to mind in that moment, but even more than that is the curious sensation that trickles up beneath your skin. You do think it through before rattling the question off, but you understand yourself enough to know that there was no chance of either of you leaving this interaction without it being laid out on the table.

"Sunwoo was…?"

"Ah!" Another melon slice is popped into his mouth, though he looks far too pleased with himself about all of this for your liking. He smiles through chews and says, "There's always women. Well, not always. I don't mean it like that…"

"Very tasteful…"

"You know what I'm trying to say! This isn't news to you so don't act like it is now just because you're all jealous and weird with each other, because the other thing you've no doubt learned through years of Sunwoo-viewing is that the bad boy schtick falls flat pretty much immediately once he's pressed about it. He's kind of a loser, a little pathetic but he means well. We like that about him, but girls don't. It's kinda like when you think you're buying a truck online for a killer deal and then it arrives and it's just a picture of the truck and then it's like oh, I guess that's why it was ₩1,000."

The two of you stare at each other in silence for a while after that, but eventually, Eric cuts through that once again.

"Anyway, you get what I mean."

"Was there a point to all of this?"

"Yes, the point is that a lot of people are probably going to tell you not to do anything to jeopardize all of this and I am here to tell you that you should forget everything they've ever told you and to just be smart, stay vigilant, and live your life. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity—all of this—so don't wake up one day and realize all you have to show for ten years of it is some Inkigayo trophies. Ya know, if you can help it."

The thought that follows is far and beyond against your better judgment, but Eric is nothing if not persistent, as well as offering a hefty dash of what you might consider to be some much needed hopeful optimism.

Your head falls into your hands, and with your face cradled between palms so tightly that it pushes and reforms the skin, you say, "So what you're saying is that I should just… date Sunwoo. Or whatever. That's what you're saying."

Sinking closer towards you over the table—so close that the scene probably appears incredibly inappropriate to any potential onlookers—Eric's voice drops to just above a whisper and he says, "It's gotta be pretty obvious by now, right? Everything? I can promise you he isn't just handing out his personal information to any pretty girl at a fansign."

"He certainly acts like he would."

Evidently the meeting has come to a rather abrupt end, because Eric shoots up from his chair and takes the tray back into his hands as he begins his self-aggrandizing strut away.

"That's the fun of it!" he says. "Playing pretend, give the people what they want, but at the end of the day; there's really only one."

Later that evening you receive a message.

The sound of it comes unexpectedly, and you're already fairly tucked into bed for the night on account of the late hour and much to do in the following days. 

Your phone screen glows from the table beside you, and though you look at it suspiciously and have half a mind to ignore it, you cannot will yourself to do so. 

Picking it up, you look at the notification and by some miracle, are surprised by what awaits you.

It's Sunwoo, and there's a photo attached. Your memory springs back to the last time he sent you a picture, and while you hope it's nothing of the sort, you are pleased to be hearing from him at all.

Filming for his drama often runs late at night and though you've not been able to meet with him much, occasionally the groups pass one another in the halls and you can see the evidence of a demanding schedule taking hold. His shoulders droop more, under eyes darker and a little less pep to his step than what you're used to seeing. 

Now, past one in the morning, he is messaging you.

Opening the app, the photo that awaits you is not anything you could have anticipated. It certainly isn't in line with the previous one in question; A beautiful, darkened landscape of trees with fairy lights draped through them, a cobblestone path with a light dusting of snow covering it, and a charming, brightly lit coffee truck with a couple of staff members lingering in wait.

The fact that he would see this and then think of you is not at all lost. Sunwoo has always been something of a romantic at heart, and though a lot of time has been lost since the last time it has felt like something may have been developing, it feels so incredibly him at his very basic core.

There is no text, only the image.

So, you begin typing back to him. A feat that is far from simple like the times it may have been before, and now you feel a sense of anxiety when drafting up what best to say. Talking to Sunwoo used to feel so easy when perhaps there was nothing on the line in doing so.

A few beginnings are drafted and then quickly deleted in favor of something better that you haven't yet thought of. You sigh aloud inside of your dark, empty room and make a pointed effort to center your thoughts so that you can do this. You wanted him to message you, can't leave him waiting forever for a reply now.

Eventually, you figure maybe less thought is better, because overthinking it will make the entire thing seem forced and contrived. Nothing is different now just because a handful of the minute circumstances between the two of you have changed; it's still just you and Sunwoo, the same people from before, the same friendship from before.

Sort of.

You [01:16]: pretty! they really are going for that romantic dramatization aren't they? super late night for you huh.

Almost as soon as you send the message, the indication that Sunwoo is typing once again flies up. He must have been waiting for your reply—never even locked his phone in anticipation of it—and that thought reignites something that you can undeniably recognize as dangerous inside of you: Wanting.

S [01:16]: filming wrapped already, wanted to see if you're awake. can i come over?

Your vision blurs reading over the words.

The girls are home but the dorm has been deathly quiet for quite some time now. Every light is off save for a handful of nightlights that decorate the halls. It's unusual even for you to be awake at this hour with how busy you have been. 

With your breath unsteadying, you inhale deep and begin typing your response.

You [01:17]: everyone is home, it's late

S [01:17]: not what i askedddddd yes or no

The fact that he is asking at all is already an incredible feat of growth as far as Sunwoo-relations are concerned. It's unusual for him to think anything through, much less have the foresight to ask for permission on a decision rather than default to seeking forgiveness after the fact. For this reason, you know that he is absolutely up to something, you just don't know what it is yet.

But maybe you want to find out.

With a shaky exhale that does not have the strength to steady your nerves, you type out your reply, and it is nothing more than a simple yes.

And for as much as you think yourself to be someone who has a relatively thorough understanding of his inner-workings, nothing could have prepared you for the next reply to come to you.

S [01:18]: outside. open up

Eyes widening, terror strikes you in that very moment and you leap to your feet. If any of the girls—or anyone else for that matter—happens to see him outside of your dorm it's going to be the unearthing of a whole set of problems that you very much prefer to remain buried. He's insane, and perhaps is a bit less calculated than you had just been giving him credit for, but more than all of that; it is exhilarating.

You pull on some sweatpants that might be backwards and rush yourself towards the front door as quietly as you possibly can. Looking towards the doors of your members, they are closed, but that does little to calm your fears as you begin to spiral into self-doubt about whatever it is that you have seemingly agreed to. Sunwoo cannot be seen here, not again, and you can only imagine that Woori's patience is growing rather thin despite not even understanding a fraction of the catastrophe that looms overhead.

Hand on the door, you take a deep breath and then… you open it.

What greets you isn't an adoring smile or a small wave, but the feeling of another body crashing directly into yours. You stumble back a few steps and try to maintain the wherewithal to deal with the door you could easily leave behind, but Sunwoo is handling it; removing himself from you only long enough to shut it as quietly as humanly possible, without so much as a single sound.

What follows is another flurry of lips, hands and teeth as he presses you into the kitchen and against the furthest back counter, a nook wholly out of sight should anyone cast a glance out from a doorway. Sunwoo's hands cradle your face as he kisses you, but this time is not like the last. There is nothing chaste nor gentle about his intent to taste you, and there is no effort from you not to meet him halfway in the endeavor either.

Sunwoo motions for you to hoist yourself up, and seated atop the faux-marble his hands drop to sit against your thighs. There is no sign of slowing down, only a desperate sense of urgency and the unraveling of something that has been too tightly wound for far too long.

It feels good. Too good. Intoxicatingly free to just let go. 

Your hands slip down to disappear under his hoodie, quick to locate the flesh that resides somewhere underneath. His muscles tense and shift at the feeling of the touch, sensitive but pleased to be on the receiving end of it all the same. Sunwoo kisses you harder, deeper; gasps into your mouth at the feeling of your hands on him and you drink it all down like there is nothing else left in the room to sustain you.

When his mouth eventually begins to trail elsewhere, you are finally able to hear the heavy beating of your heart ringing through your ears. Plush, soft lips find their intended mark lust below your ear, a devilish tongue that rakes over any spot where his teeth had just been, and your head falls back against the wall a little bit harder than it should, given the necessity of secrecy.

His palms slide up your thighs and settle at your waist, though there is no intention of them staying there given the way fingernails graze at your skin as he slowly curls his fingers into the waistband.

The implications of it all bring you to a crashing halt, and still clutching at the skin of his waist you whisper out, "Wait…"

Sunwoo's head pops up only enough to make eye contact, and the look on your face must say everything that he needs to know, because a salacious grin curls into his lips before once again tending to the work at hand.

His lips find the shell of your ear, breath ghosting over it in ways that electrify your entire body.

"You think I'm gonna fuck you in your kitchen the first time?" he whispers, voice raspy and laden with lust. "Come on, you know me better than that."

Not that you had been meaning to, but if there had been a reply in wait from you it would have been ripped away right along with the firm yank of that waistband from your hips.

Fabric pools on the ground below, and Sunwoo comes up to kiss you again. This time it's brief; lips slide down the column of your neck and you're so dizzy with the immediacy of it all that it isn't until you hear the accidental brush of his knee against a lower cupboard and fingers curling into the fabric still sitting between your legs that you really start to put together the pieces of what's about to happen here.

That knowledge is just as quickly followed by the firm, pointed swipe of his tongue against you.

The gasp that escapes you is too close for comfort as far as volume is concerned. You sling a hand over your mouth, eyes dropping down between your legs to find his, and even more unfortunately for your resolve; he seems to be incredibly amused by it all.

Sunwoo wants you to give in to this, and give in to it, you do. Your free hand settles into his hair and your fingers wrap loose, black curls around and between them as he happily tastes you for the second time tonight. It's sloppy work; little finesse and an unfortunate lack of visual aid to help guide him in the search of having you finally unravel for him. It's so dark, and the both of you have to be even more silent during an exploration that is meant to be anything but.

As much as the odds are stacked against him, it may not end up a failure of an endeavor regardless. This moment has been cultivating for too long between secret meetings and stolen kisses. You can feel the blooming warmth of a release that hopes to come to fruition, and for all of the things that Sunwoo isn't, he does appear to be adept at reading the signs. For everything that he lacks as a result of the situation that the two of you have landed yourselves in, he is nothing if not eager; and that eagerness is hurtling you towards something that you can't be sure you'll be able to stifle when the time comes.

He shifts his position just slightly, and with the additional space he slips a finger inside and curls.

Every muscle in your legs tightens almost painfully so, your eyes screw shut and you have no other option than to drop the hand from your mouth, clutch onto the countertop edge, and pray that this isn't how it's all going to have to come to an end.

The way that the beginning of his name stutters out of your mouth in nothing more than a labored hiss is nearly humiliating, and maybe that's just something that you're going to have to make peace with in the morning. For now, it doesn't matter; the only things carrying any importance being Sunwoo's warm tongue firm and fast at work to make you come for him, and the vision of his eyes staring up at you as you do while he remains knelt down on the kitchen floor.

Through clenched teeth, it all culminates in one long, shattering blow. When you finally do come it's hard fought and leaves you nearly breathless as it takes you; no concern of sounds echoing throughout the dorm as your body heaves a lengthy, silenced gasp.

Sunwoo takes an asserted care in slowing to a halt, though the aftershocks of sensitivity wrack your body with every feather-light glide of his tongue against your body.

When he brings himself back to a standing position, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and goes in to kiss you all over again.

"Don't make me wait so long next time, would you?" he says against your lips, "I've been waiting ages, it's been excruciating."

"You poor thing," you reply through exchanged kisses. "How ever did you survive?"

Sunwoo hums like something exceedingly sinful has come to mind in response. Eyes still blown out with lust and no such release for himself anticipated here.

"I'll give you a play-by-play of exactly how I survived another time." He kisses you again, this time fuller and with more intent and then says, "You prefer video, or video call?"

Your hands once again curve up to feel the skin of his body beneath his shirt, and Sunwoo just about melts into the touch that you offer. His eyes fall closed, lips lazily meeting yours for the affection that you're offering.

"This is going to be a thing now, isn't it?" you ask, knowing full well that the damage is already done.

"We tried it their way. I like our way better."

And unfortunately, you find that the same goes for you.

end of act 2! 🫣

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Romantic Ending Ch. 22

Chapter 21 His Side Story

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

Azel: He tortured my brothers with a smile, saying it was all for the sake of God.

Azel: Since then, Enis has been unable to defy our father and no longer sees me as his brother.

Azel: My other brother was the mastermind behind the escape plan. He was exiled.

(Could it be that the other brother is...?)

The gentle aura vanished from the apostle's expressionless face, leaving behind a "nothingness" devoid of mercy or compassion.

Kamal let go of my hand, which he had been holding, and his shoulders shook with laughter.

Kamal: I guess even you can't stay calm when facing the enemy of God.

Apostle: ...I see.

Apostle: I can't believe that the Living God, the miracle diviner, didn't foresee this commotion.

Apostle: The fact that he's still remaining silent despite knowing the guaranteed reality...

Apostle: Was it caused by the instigation of the great sinner?

Kamal: Now, who knows? At least I'm not the mastermind.

Kamal: I simply told that innocent child that there was no need to live as a slave.

Kamal: God isn't a doll you can play with as you please.

Apostle: ...It's my fault.

The apostle brought the smile back to his face and looked up at the dry sky.

It was a different kind of smile, one that sent a chill down my spine and made me unconsciously brace myself.

Apostle: I was young back then. I spared you with exile out of the Living God's mercy...

Apostle: I should have burned the great sinner at the stake, even if it pained my heart.

(He's... insane.)

The apostle's mind was so consumed by his lofty faith that there was no room for normal human emotions.

This sense of dissonance, like we were in the same place but seeing different worlds, might be the true nature of the fear I'd felt towards the apostle since our first meeting.

Apostle: Let us atone for the sin now. That's the least I can do to make amends.

Apostle: If we destroy the wicked sinner who is misleading His Holiness, the Living God will surely find peace of mind.

(There's no way he can be at peace when his brother is being sentenced to death.)

(The person who disrespects the Living God the most in this country is undoubtedly the apostle.)

Kamal: It's all well and good to boast, but do you intend to capture me with just you, old man, and a few young men?

Kamal: I've worked as a mercenary, you know?

Apostle: Kamal, can you see that?

The apostle, with an unwavering smile, directed his gaze towards a rising cloud of dust.

It wasn't caused by the wind, but by people treading on the sand, creating a curtain of dust that took my breath away.

Silvio: ...I thought they might come, but that's a hell of a lot of people.

(The people of the city have come seeking salvation from God.)

The people who surged from beyond the sand dunes gradually began to gather in front of the temple.

But God wasn't here.

Instead, the apostle stepped forward and stood on a raised platform.

The people looked up at the apostle and fell silent.

Apostle: Everyone, the Living God is not here.

Apostle: I regret to inform you that God has fallen into the hands of a great sinner.

(No way...!)

Apostle: We, the believers of the moon, must punish the sinner and rescue God from the impure land.

With a sorrowful expression like an actor on stage, the apostle pointed at Kamal.

Apostle: That person over there is the great sinner who once kidnapped the Living God and filled his mind with wicked ideas.

Apostle: They are also the mastermind behind this recent turmoil.

The look in the people's eyes changed.

From the eyes of the weak seeking salvation, to the eyes of justice filled with hostility.

Apostle: Everyone, please lend me your strength. Let us rescue God with our own hands.

The judgment of the people who worshiped God was swift.

Without doubting the apostle's words, they surged towards the great sinner.

(I have to protect Kamal!)

Silvio: Hey, what are we goin' to do!?

Kamal: Of course, we're going to run! I'm a delicate girl!

Kamal also turned his back without hesitation, but before that, the people at the front picked up the remains of the ruins.

Emma: Watch out!

I threw myself forward to protect Kamal from the thrown debris.

Emma: ...Ouch.

Kamal: Emma!?

It hit my shoulder and fell to the ground before it could reach Kamal.

(It hurts... but I can bear it...)

Emma: I'm alright, so hurry...!

Kamal: You bastards! I'll **** every single one of you!

(He suddenly changed...!? )

Just as I heard a torrent of verbal abuse so vile that my ears refused to process it, Kamal shattered his beautiful façade and started cracking his knuckles with a ferocious expression.

Silvio: Idiot, get the hell out of here! Things will get out of hand if you stay!

Prince Silvio stopped Kamal, who looked like he was about to charge in, by grabbing him by the scruff of his neck.

Kamal: Let go! I can't forgive them!

Silvio: This isn't about forgivin' or not forgivin', just put your weak woman disguise back on, it's troublesome!

Emma: Both of you, hide!

We split left and right, diving for cover to avoid the incoming debris from the ruins.

The two of them, hiding in a different place from me, were still arguing.

(Please, just run—)

As I was about to shout, something reached out from behind and covered my mouth.

(No way!?)

Emma: Mmm—!

???: Don't struggle, it's me.

(What...? This voice, is it Prince Azel?)

(...)

(Prince Azel!?)

I turned my head while my mouth was still covered, and there he was, Prince Azel.

(It's not a dream... is it?)

Azel: Don't make a sound, okay?

The black God I saw in my hazy memory was staring into the distance.

Kamal and Prince Silvio were in his line of sight, and they had the same surprised look on their faces as I did, but they quickly nodded and left.

The people, who could only see the great sinner, didn't notice that the God they worshipped was nearby.

Azel: Can you walk?

Emma: Yes, but shouldn't we help Kamal?

Azel: Did it look like he needed help?

(...Maybe not...)

Prince Azel, blending into the dust clouds to avoid the people's eyes, put his hand on my back and started walking.

Not towards the entrance of the temple—but towards the back.

-

Emma: Ah, this place!

There was a door at the back of the temple that blended into the outer wall. Climbing the unlit stairs from this hidden back entrance, which you would never find unless you knew about it, led to this space.

(It really wasn't a dream. The rubble in the hallway was Prince Azel's doing.)

Emma: You tricked me.

Azel: It's your fault for being tricked.

Prince Azel, who readily admitted it, nonchalantly unbuttoned my blouse.

Emma: W-What are you doing!?

Azel: Do I have to explain everything?

Emma: Of course I wouldn't know!?

Holding my half-open blouse, I retreated to the corner of the room.

(I didn't expect to be suddenly undressed in a place like this, an enclosed room with no one around!)

Emma: Shameless God...

Azel: Don't misunderstand. Even if a natural disaster occurred, there's no way I would attack you.

Prince Azel sighed and took a wooden box from a shelf in the room. As I cautiously approached, I saw it contained medical supplies like medicine and bandages.

(...I wonder how long Prince Azel was watching...)

Azel: Do you understand now?

Emma: ...I'm sorry, thank you.

Emma: But, it's not that big of a wound.

Azel: Oh my, to know without even seeing it, your insight is quite impressive.

The God smiled gently and mercifully, then grabbed my shoulder forcefully.

Emma: Gah... Oww...!

Azel: It's not that big of a wound, is it?

(...It hurts... I'm going to cry...)

When I shook my head, he pinched my cheek.

Azel: Hurry up and take it off and sit down. I don't understand why you're so hesitant.

(...That's right. Common sense doesn't apply to Prince Azel.)

Although his words were curt, I couldn't ignore the concern that seeped through them. Suppressing my embarrassment, I sat down on the chair and took off my blouse, exposing my shoulder.

(Oh dear...)

My skin was discolored and swollen, almost too much to look at directly.

(I can't believe it was this bad.)

Azel: Those foolish people... I'll **** them...

(...I think I heard some more dirty, unspeakable curses.)

Prince Azel frowned and left the room, returning shortly with a wet linen cloth. When I winced at the cold sensation enveloping the affected area, he let out a huge sigh above my head.

Azel: It's your own fault. Not to mention the foolish people, but you're also to blame for playing hero.

Emma: ...This is the first time I've been scolded for helping someone.

Azel: Were you taught that it's a virtue?

Azel: Helping someone is something you do when you're absolutely sure you're safe and have the leeway to do so.

Azel: You may have felt refreshed by helping, but the person being helped doesn't feel the same way.

(...My body just moved on its own, but I understand what Prince Azel is trying to say.)

Azel: Don't ever do that again, absolutely never. Are you trying to stop my heart?

Emma: I'm sorry...

Emma: ...Was your heart about to stop?

Azel: .......

Azel: It's common for one's heart to stop when faced with such unprecedented stupidity.

Emma: It's not.

Azel: More importantly, can you raise your arm?

(...He's back to his usual self.)

(The situation in the city has changed, Prince Azel's plans have been revealed, and I was anxious until we met again...)

(The God I've seen all along, the one who's not honest with his words but is a good person at heart, wasn't an illusion.)

I swallowed the words that were overflowing and tried to raise my arm as I was told.

It was excruciatingly painful.

Emma: ...I... I can't...

Azel: You might have broken a bone.

Prince Azel took something like an ointment from the box and skillfully applied it to the discolored area.

During that time, silence fell between us—and finally, my mind began to work properly again.

(I can't be distracted by the pain. Now's the time to ask.)

Emma: Prince Azel... why were you hiding?

Azel: If you found me, the interrogation game would start, wouldn't it?

Emma: That's right.

Azel: ...Could you please show some restraint?

(Prince Azel was probably watching us from somewhere...)

(And he had to come out because I got hurt.)

The more the God's compassion grew, the more the pain intensified, even reaching my chest.

Emma: Please tell me. What's going to happen in Tanzanite?

Emma: What do you want to do?

Azel: Why should I have to explain to an outsider?

His words, sharp and dismissive, left me speechless.

Emma: It's because I'm worried, of course.

Azel: I don't care.

Azel: Besides, you've mostly grasped the situation even without me explaining, haven't you?

Emma: The situation, yes...

(Let's try to organize the events that have happened.)

Emma: The disturbance that Basil caused, shaking the people's faith, led to the attempted assassination of the apostle.

Emma: It seems the apostle is unharmed, but the forces claiming "the death of God" are clashing with the soldiers.

Emma: When I left the city, Basil was rescued by his allies and headed towards the sanctuary.

Emma: The sanctuary is a symbol of faith, so perhaps they intend to take it over.

Emma: Assuming we call Basil and his group the anti-god forces, they have instilled anxiety in the people of the city.

Emma: The people are now hoping that God will grant them salvation.

Emma: However, Prince Azel is hiding, making a statement that "God will not help people."

Emma: Although the apostle has claimed that there's a great sinner who instigated Prince Azel...

Emma: The fact that "God has betrayed the people" will eventually spread among them.

Emma: If God won't help them, they have no choice but to manage on their own.

Emma: Making them think that way is Prince Azel's true aim...

Emma: Isn't your goal to make them take the first step towards a world where they can live without God?

Prince Azel quietly listened as he buttoned my blouse back up and wrapped a bandage around it.

It seemed to be a measure to prevent me from moving my shoulder, as my arm was also immobilized.

Azel: If you understand that much, there's no need to ask any further.

(Some of what I said was speculation, but overall... I was right.)

Emma: The important thing is that this whole series of events is "god-killing."

Emma: Now that it's been proven that the space I saw wasn't a dream...

Emma: I can't just stand by and watch because it "doesn't concern me."

Azel: ......

Emma: This isn't like you, Prince Azel. To risk your own life for the sake of others...

Azel: Who said I was risking my life for the sake of others?

Emma: ...You're not?

(If that's not it, then that's fine. I want it to be that way.)

Azel: I'm dying for my own sake.

My faint hope crumbled like grains of sand.

Azel: I told you, didn't I? I'm their slave.

Azel: All the successive Living Gods have been the same. Forced to perform divination their entire lives, forced to determine the fate of the people.

Azel: I heard there was once a God who ran away because he hated being a slave.

Azel: But the humans desperately brought him back and bound him to the sanctuary.

Azel: No one tries to listen to our will.

(I've seen that situation myself.)

Azel: Of course, it's not entirely the humans' fault. If the sins of the royal family, which I mentioned before, created this situation...

Azel: Then humans are also victims in a sense.

(Prince Azel...)

Azel: And, the Living God is also human.

Azel: Except for the hair color, eye color, and seeing other people's dreams, we're no different from anyone else.

(...So that's how it is.)

(There were traces of studying in the wide variety of books in Prince Azel's room.)

(But if he could see the future with a mysterious power, there would be no need to study.)

(Because he's an ordinary human, I wonder how much effort he's put in behind the scenes to give accurate oracles.)

I remembered the oracles that Prince Azel wrote night after night.

—A feeling of dejection washed over me.

Azel: That's why God is going to die.

Azel: To sever ties with humanity.

After putting away the medical supplies, Prince Azel sat down next to me.

His voice, his expression, the unwavering will I felt in them, brought a heat to my eyes.

Azel: It's a good thing for them too, isn't it?

Azel: The age of God is over, and the age of man is coming.

Azel: They can only become creatures called "true humans" when they can think and act for themselves.

Azel: ...God has taken away their ability to think. It's something that a Living God must eventually return.

(...Is this Prince Azel's form of revenge, or is it mercy?)

(Maybe it's both.)

What lay there wasn't a senseless death, but the death of conviction, wagering the future of the entire nation.

Even though I knew it was something I couldn't persuade him against, my mouth moved.

Emma: ...There's a flaw in your plan, Prince Azel.

Azel: For example?

Emma: The Living God is born in Tanzanite in a certain cycle, right?

Emma: That means... there must have been a "time without God."

Emma: Weren't they worshipping an idol god during those times, regardless of the presence of the Living God?

(Even if you risk your life, I don't think their divination-dependent mentality will change.)

Azel: You really are quick-witted, aren't you?

The God, resigned to his death, laughed and started toying with my cheek as if out of habit.

Azel: You're right, there's no point in just dying.

Azel: As long as the moon exists in this world, the God who is its incarnation won't disappear.

Azel: Therefore, I need to be particular about how I die.

Azel: The moon will leave the people, and God will never be born again. Oracles will cease, and the guaranteed reality will never return.

Azel: Only when the entire nation recognizes that God has "completely disappeared" can God truly die.

Emma: That's unreasonable. No matter how capable you are, Prince Azel, no one can erase the moon.

Emma: Won't it be a pointless death?

Azel: That's what the "plan" is for.

(Does that mean he has a chance of winning?)

Prince Azel wouldn't elaborate any further.

But his expression was full of confidence, and it seemed difficult to dissuade him.

Emma: ...Then, assuming that plan succeeds...

Emma: Wouldn't it be better to fake your death?

Emma: If it's just to show that God is gone, there's no need to actually die.

Azel: You read too many books.

Azel: Faking a death is more difficult than you think. It's not something you can do so easily.

Azel: Especially in my case, my appearance is distinctive. I can't just replace my corpse with another.

Emma: ...Then...

Emma: How about disappearing instead of dying?

Emma: If you seek asylum in another country, no one will know whether God is safe or not.

Emma: Rhodolite, for example... I recommend it. The roses are beautiful, and there's a lot of delicious food.

Emma: So...

*flashback*

Emma: Prince Azel's appearance would stand out in other countries too.

Emma: Even if he could disguise his hair color, there's no way to hide those eyes.

Emma: Even if he faked his death and escaped, there's a high chance he'd be found.

Silvio: The country that sheltered him would be pickin' a fight with Tanzanite. Your point makes sense.

*flashback over*

Azel: You understand, don't you?

Even if I presented other futures, I couldn't arrive at the best answer that could persuade Prince Azel—

All that remained was despair at the unchangeable ending.

Emma: My debt... what will happen to it?

Azel: Please donate it to this temple.

Emma: ...Doesn't it get written off when you die?

Azel: No way. The world isn't that generous.

Azel: I'm very particular about collecting money.

Emma: .........

(I don't know whether to be angry or cry anymore.)

(What should I do?)

(Is it arrogant of me to want to stop his death?)

(To know Prince Azel's convictions and feelings, and still try to trample on them...)

(What's the difference between that and what other people have done to God?)

My vision blurred, and I desperately tried to hold back the tears.

Crying wouldn't change anything, and it would only trouble Prince Azel.

Azel: Ah... alright, alright, I'll write it off. You're happy now, right?

Emma: That's not it. It's just...

Emma: ...It's painful.

*flashback*

???: I have some unfortunate news for you, who yearns for love and desires to know it.

???: Love isn't all that great.

???: Sometimes, it's better to end your life as the innocent you, without knowing anything.

*flashback over*

(...I didn't know.)

(...I didn't know it would be this painful.)

It might be too immature to call it love yet, but I realize that this isn't a feeling you have for a complete stranger.

The moment I inhaled to calm myself, my vision went completely dark—

.

.

.

Romantic Ending Ch. 23

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[angel-dustspo]

2025 - The year of your Recovery ₊˚⊹ᰔ

2025 is the year of change, and in the first part of January everybody is extremely motivated to "glow up", "reinvent themselves" and "change their lives". I'm all for that, but I believe there is something even more important that we should focus on in 2025: recovering. Learning how to be there for yourself, appreciate your own value, know your worth and finally, how to love yourself should be a priority this year. In order to achieve all of those, you'd have to undo the damage that has been done to your brain by the eating disorder and begin your healing process.

It's an extremely brave thing to acknowledge there is a problem and to actively WANT to change it. Recovery is a hard thing and, at times, it could seem even more challanging than the disorder itself and make you wonder "why did I even begin this, there's no point, i want to give up". It's normal to have bad days too, where you feel like you can't keep going anymore, but it's very important to keep pushing yourself. Recovery isn't linear and it WILL hurt, but it's so worth it to finally enjoy that dessert, have enough energy to hang out with your friends, improve your mood, feel warm again, have the strenght to go for a walk, and to look in the mirror and be happy with the person you see, to love the way you look and to fall in love with yourself again.

✮ Here are some recovery tips that have worked for me:

ׂ╰┈➤ Inspiring youtube videos

My most important tip for any disorder, addiction or problem ever. I know I would still be in the same place the little girl 4 years ago was if I didn't discover the recovery and self improvement youtubers. This has been the most important thing in my recovery journey because it was the starting point, the switch that finally showed me the light. Watching just a few videos made me change the way I am forever. I feel like everybody trying to recover should watch and learn from other people's mistakes and their journeys.

The people I find the most helpful are:

Linda Sun (I basically owe her my life, nothing and nobody ever helped me so much as she did through her inspiring videos!!!)

zoeunlimited (she helped me with beating ana by making me understand how the metabolism actually works and how important food is - please watch the metabolism videos)

growingannanas

Coleen Christensen

LilBigNanc

Mae Alice Suzuki

ׂ╰┈➤ The Tumblr pro-recovery community

A key piece in my recovery, I wouldn't be in such a good mental state without Tumblr. It's true that it helped me beat an0rexia forever, become my best self and develop all my healthy habits. But we all know though that Tumblr can be a very toxic place for obsessive self improvement and that good health achieved by any means is glorified here, and I got myself orth0rexia from here, which I'm still struggling to recover from too. It's important to take the good stuff only and ignore any harmful media on here.

ׂ╰┈➤ Have "allowing days/meals"

My approach was to say "I allow myself to eat this". No reason needed to enjoy something you (used to) love, and I aim to feel no guilt afterwards. It doesn't work all the time, but it's a BIG step towards being able to eat anything guilt-free.

ׂ╰┈➤ Not consuming ED media

Say goodbye Tumblr th1nspo, glorifying eds on Tiktok or saving all those ana pins, all it does is ruin your progress and make you feel miresable about your own journey

ׂ╰┈➤ Changing your end-goals

My end goals changed from being skinny and pretty to being strong and healthy, and doing things towards my new goal has brought me unintentional weight loss and enhanced my features a lot. Chasing that unhealthy beauty only attracts opposite results.

ׂ╰┈➤ Thinking about your reasons for recovering

It's extremely easy to get lost. Always keep in mind your recovery reasons and reassure yourself that you will succeed. Think about what you'll be able to do, what you miss now and how you will feel if you keep going, and stay strong!!!

ׂ╰┈➤ Don't beat yourself up

We all screw up sometimes, and the important thing is to keep hoping and keep working towards our dreams. It's stupid of me to just say this continuously, but you have to never give up on recovery. Most days you will hate yourself so much and not understand what's going on or what are you doing wrong. It might be the worst thing for your mental health right now, but in a week, a month, a year, you will be so happy you started recovery and never gave up on it.

The path is not easy, but it is worth every struggle. I hope 2025 is the year when you recover and you start to love yourself. You're so brave and I'm so proud of you for trying, good luck on your journey <333

[lillxart]

Ranting about Mannimarco in eso

So I'm probably not the only person who's talked about this and I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing about it but I literally woke up with it in my head and now I have to scream about it into the void.

Just look at this.

and then look at this

what a total colossal difference. I mean can you believe it? What were the people developing the art style even thinking? Both of our kings look good, but one is clearly Elder Scrolls coded and the other is clearly not.

I'm not the first person to point out how the art style choices for marketing eso and the cinematic trailers was abysmal when it came to animating the elves. Where is the yellow skin? The slitted eyes? Literally everything that makes TES elves distinct and unique against other interpretations? The Elder Scrolls has one of the most interesting and different lore out there compared to other fantasy worlds. Its lore stands beside Warhammer 40k, Tolkien, Classic D&D (which obvi since it was inspired by D&D XD) heck, even our own real world mythology!

The elder scrolls developed a dedicated fanbase because it was different and changing the art to make it look like everything else that's being produced in attempt to capture a more widespread audience just isn't going to work. There are other, easier and more fun MMOs that other people are going to play. What I think the developers don't realize is that MMOs are a COMMITMENT and you need to play on your strengths in the world building and gameplay to keep people coming back. What ESO had was an already dedicated fanbase willing to play it so appealing to a more widespread audience would only be so effective--especially MMO junkies who are already playing OTHER MMO's. ESO should've stayed with its strengths instead of doing....whatever it was doing with these trailers. And look, I genuinely don't care all that much this is just a scream into the void and forget about it kind of rant XD but it's so jarring to see these epic cinematic trailers where the elves look...normal? And then to get in game only to see the crusty yellow people we've all grown to love. We don't even GET the same character design for Mannimarco in the trailers, which I'm sure threw people who know nothing about elder scrolls for a loop. Wish we would've gotten to see OUR ELVES in an epic cinematic trailer. ;-;

[tea-and-secrets]

My apologies for the length.

My girlfriend's dad is an absolute bastard who disowned her for dating me because we met online and he's convinced I'm a scammer (I have never asked her for money and never would, and she's never given any to me). I'm a fucking adult who owns his own business and pays taxes. I don't need her, or anyone's, money.

I'm a diagnosed sociopath (ASPD). He doesn't know this. She does. She's cool with it. I'm good at acting normal around people because I've had about a decade of therapy now, but she's seen me at some pretty low points and is aware of what I'm capable of and still loves me. (Note: This is not a "I can fix him" situation. I'm still working on myself actively, and I am not using her as my therapist. Also noting that I've never hurt her in any way/shape/form. She's seen my behaviour towards other people, she's never been subject to any of my episodes).

She's starting university soon at a prestigious uni, and he's going to ruin her life and her future because he's angry at me for stealing his little girl and think she's too stupid and naive to make her own decisions in life and decide who she wants to date. He doesn't like me because I'm a man and she's only ever dated women previously.

She's the kindest, sweetest little thing. He's an absolute bastard who has abused her all of her life and she's so, so forgiving and she still was trying to forgive him and build a good relationship with him up until this despite all the hell he's put her through. He doesn't deserve her. He doesn't deserve her love or her dedication, he doesn't deserve a relationship with her after how much he's hurt her and fucked her up, he doesn't deserve to be in the life of someone so incredibly good. He has given her so many mental issues and I shouldn't have to be the man to show her how to love herself. That was his job.

He should've been a good dad and taught her to stay far away from men like me. But I'm gonna do my best to make sure she never goes another fucking day feeling like she isn't loved.

I know where he lives. I'm not going to hurt him but I am a mechanic and am going to fuck up his stupid fucking truck in about two year's time when this has all blown over and he forgets about me. I don't even care if I'm still dating her by then, he just deserves it because he's that big of a bastard. I'll slash his sidewalls, I'll key his doors and guards, I'll drop his tailgate and take the fucking thing off and put it in the back of my truck and ditch in a ditch somewhere on a county line backroad where he'll never find it. I'm gonna wage psychological warfare on this dogcunt by leaving mangoes on his fucking doorstep on the first Monday of every month for 6 years and then stop one day and just when he thinks he's safe I'm gonna break his truck window and leave a smashed mango on the driver's seat.

20/10/24

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