#None of what he does is unreasonable in the context

[thepurplewombat]

🤚

Errr...i actually did think JGY was the worst until I thought about his exemplary public infrastructure projects and the fact that he is the #1 Mama's boy, and was sort of won over, and THEN I watched the drama and saw his eyes (and the dimples) and was like 'babe wake up, new miaow miaow just dropped'

I saw your post about being shocked that CQL!JGY being unsympathetic and have to say that…I agree??? Like, JGY is my second-favorite and I felt so bad for him the whole time even if he was doing the bad stuffs.

Yeah!! Don't get me wrong, JGY's got plenty of fully valid potential dealbreakers, but those things are true in the novel, too. (The exception, IMO, is Qin Su's situation; it's a mess in both canons, but his show self makes it actively worse.)

Even the change in his relationship with NMJ I'm not super pressed about, because Novel!NMJ sounds like a violent asshole whose main purpose is to be a dismembered plot device, whereas the one in CQL is an actual character. My sympathizing with NMJ doesn't prevent me from also sympathizing with JGY, or even taking JGY's side in the divorce! Sympathizing with both of them just makes me more invested in their conflict, because I can see why each feels the other's betrayal so keenly. The novel dynamic just has me looking at NMJ and going "lmao deserve," which is much less enjoyable because neither the narrative nor the other characters agree.

CQL seems to generally downplay or outright eliminate the political or social elements of the overarching conflicts. JGY's one of the characters hardest-hit by this, for obvious reasons, but it harms everyone else too. JC and WWX's sacrifices don't hit as hard without an understanding of the special status cultivation conveys and the elitism within the jianghu. If JGS is just a douche and not a powerful threat after Sunshot, the other young sect leaders (NMJ included!) appear spineless in their failure to oppose him.

What it attempts to do instead is replace the political conflicts with personal ones, and since this is a fantasy world rather than historical fiction, it largely works for me. I don't think anyone who watched JGY and his big wide woobie eyes get punted down the stairs, keep a straight face while being bullied, limp his way politely out of the Unlean Realm, be told he's unfit to hold his baby nephew, and generally experience life as one long customer service shift from hell and STILL not feel bad for him is gonna change their tune with context. Like, nobody's out there like "well, I thought he was the irredeemable worst, but then I found out about his exemplary public infrastructure projects, so now I think he's swell!" The exemplary public infrastructure projects (and the added details from his tragic backstory, especially him being #1 Mama's Boy) are there as VINDICATION for those of us who got won over by the sad woobie eyes.

[madlori]

A breakdown (no, not that kind)

So, in an effort to be clear-headed about the ship, I am here reporting a complete list of the scenes in which Tommy appears or is discussed in the context of his relationship with Buck. I'm not counting 7x03 as that was all pre-relationship (shoulder touch notwithstanding). Scenes in italics are ones in which Tommy is discussed or is present in the conversation but does not appear.

7x04

Buck visits Harbor Station

Sewer rescue (Eddie tells Buck about all the cool stuff he and Tommy have been doing)

Firehouse workout scene (Buck's angling to get an invite to basketball where he can see Tommy)

Basketball game

Tommy visits Buck's loft, first kiss

7x05

First date

Conversation with Maddie

Conversation with Eddie

Coffee date

7x06

Bachelor party

Hospital kiss

7x09

Medal ceremony

Conversation with Bobby (Tommy's good people)

7x10

Dinner scene

8x01

Birthday party scene

8x05

Tommy comes to the hospital for Buck's shoulder

Tommy and Buck at home before bed

Breakfast scene and discovering boils

Eddie comes over to look at the boils.

Waiting at the hospital for Denny

Cemetery

8x06

Miceli's anniversary date

Talking with Josh and Maddie

Final loft scene

Now.

This is not a lot of scenes. It's 24 scenes total. But what's even more telling is that 18 out of those 24 scenes are from the first two eps (when the relationship was being established) or the last two (when it was being dissolved, although that isn't apparent until the last scene).

So...six scenes in between. And that's counting one scene Tommy didn't appear in. Six scenes to carry the relationship between establishing it and breaking it down.

It felt like more, didn't it?

I can tell you why that is. Because the fandom took away from those scenes faaaaaar more than just the content of the scenes.

The birthday party scene was short, but from it the fandom inferred: Tommy is being incorporated into Eddie's life. He's maintaining contact with Chris and important enough to be included in this zoom call. He and Buck are relaxed and flirty with each other. There's some sexual sparks between them. Eddie's comfortable with the two of them.

The dinner scene was less than one minute, but from it the fandom inferred: They're cooking at home together. Buck's coming home to his person after a hard day. Tommy's opening up about his father, and their relationship isn't great. Tommy's asking about Buck and being concerned about his emotional state. Buck is listening intently to what Tommy's telling him. They have a close, settled rapport. Tommy's comfortable in Buck's kitchen. They're being flirty/naughty a bit and enjoying it. They have a healthy sexual relationship.

Tommy wasn't even there for Buck's conversation with Bobby, but from it the fandom inferred: Bobby approves of this relationship. He has seen how Buck has been while dating Tommy, and it's doing wonders for him. He hasn't had to talk about it with him or ask. He's used to seeing Buck to go Tommy overnight, motioning to the bag Buck is packing. He's happy they're dating and is all but giving his blessing for it to go on long term. Bobby is Buck's father figure, and Buck will take this as a confirmation that he's on the right path this time.

So these scenes are doing a lot of heavy lifting, but is the show doing that, or was it us?

Now, none of the inferences I just described are WRONG. Everything I just said is totally reasonable for the fandom to take from those scenes. But a casual viewer, or someone who didn't care about or like the relationship, wouldn't take that much from it. And how much we examined, analyzed and discusses every single scene in depth magnified its presence in our minds until the relationshp gains a weight in the storyline that really...isn't there as much as we thought it was.

It was NOT unreasonable or delusional of us to think this relationship was being positioned to be long term. If they had continued, if 8x06 had ended happily, that would be the first beat in the continuation. It wouldn't feel out of place that the intervening ten or so episodes only had like four scenes of them, because more would be coming, and for a potential LTR, it doesn't matter that much. So how much of that positioning was more about Tommy's identity as a character, his potential as a new member of the 118 firefam, his friendship with Eddie, him being a firefighter. The only one of those things that the show actually used was his friendship with Eddie.

It's a waste of potential. But I can't exactly call Buddie fans wrong when they say it was underdeveloped. It was developed GREAT...by us. It started real strong, trickled off, and then built up again just to end. 8x05 was by far their strongest episode, and if they'd done one or two more like that in the interim, with Tommy a much more present character, it would have been even clearer that he was to continue. But now...it just feels hollow.

I still don't know if they meant this to be a "starter" relationship all along (I still think you don't give the starter boyfriend the heroic rom-com hospital kiss, but it's clear by now I don't understand a lot of the writers' thinking) or if they were originally thinking long term and pivoted at some point. I'm frankly tired of theorizing about that. But it feels like season 7 was a lot more committed to the relationship than 8 was. The few scenes they had, had more import.

Anyway. I'm not casting any aspersions. If we read more into things than was intended, well, that's more or less the short definition of fandom.

It was fun while it lasted and I will always love the relationship, even if we never see it return.

[tenpintsofsundrop]

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader

Summary:

While undercover inside the Separatarian Sect, you and Spencer realize something important: you can't live without each other.

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader. Co-Workers to Lovers. Fake Dating. Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 4, Episode 3.

Word Count: 8,200

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

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Full list of warnings and author's notes below.

Warnings: Lots of spoilers for the canon episode - so if you haven't watched Season 4 of Criminal Minds yet, steer clear of this fic for now (especially because watching the episode provides some context for this fic/makes things make more sense); the reader uses she/her pronouns and has the ability to get pregnant (she is not pregnant during the fic and there's no smut, but due to discussions in the fic, it's not unreasonable that she could get pregnant); fake dating in the form of a fake marriage - the reader and Spencer pretend to be married under the Christian religion to 'appeal' to Cyrus; because of the fake marriage, Spencer uses the term 'my wife' to refer to the reader; lots of mentions of religion (Christianity), religious extremism, mentions of pedophilia/child brides (in line with the canon episode); mentions of systemic sexism and gender roles enforced by cultures of organised religion and religious extremism; use of y/n and l/n (in this case meaning 'your last name'); the reader pretends to follow the Christian religion while undercover but I never stated if she believes in a less extreme version of these things or not (the reader's true religious beliefs are never stated); protective!Spencer, possessive!Spencer; mentions of Spencer being taller than the reader (which, again, I think he would be taller than most people) - the reader's body/body type is not described in any other way; mentions of guns and gun violence (not described in deep detail) - in line with the canon episode; the reader and Spencer fear for their lives; dangerous/live-threatening situations; the reader and Spencer are threatened with a gun; Cyrus is just generally creepy and sexist toward the reader; Spencer is pistol-whipped and the reader is threatened with sexual assault (it does not happen, Spencer protects her); mentions of pregnancy/the reader being pregnant (she is not pregnant during the course of the fic); mentions of the reader being a mother/having kids (Spencer makes up fake kids to sell their fake marriage story); the reader realizes she might actually want to be a mother because of Spencer's fake kids story; mentions of an explosion (as in the canon); love confessions; angst with a happy ending. Hopefully that is everything.

A/N: The title for this fic comes from a Fall Out Boy song of the same name. The theme/lyrics of the song don't really fit the fic, but I love the way that this title fits - how everyone in this fic is lying in some way but Spencer is someone with good intentions while lying. Making him the Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes. I love how it fits. I wrote this while suffering with heat exhaustion so idk if it's good or even makes sense. I rewatched the canon episode and it doesn't 100% align with what happened in the episode in terms of the timeline and stuff, and I am too tired to rewrite the whole fic to make it align with the episode. So uh - alternative canon? But I really love the basic concepts and I do really love how it turned out. I hope you guys like it too!

...

You thought it would be an easy day. 

Maybe that was foolish on your part. So far, you hadn’t seen a single ‘easy’ day while working with the BAU. Between chasing down scumbags and then reliving every single gory detail while doing the paperwork - none of it was ‘easy’. It was worthy, accomplished work - making the world a safer place to live in. (At least that’s what you told yourself.) But it was never easy. 

There was always someone who made the job easier. Someone who made you smile every single day - especially on days when you didn’t think you were even capable of feeling a tiny shred of joy. Someone who made you feel safe, who you always felt had your back no matter what. So you were glad that he was by your side today, along for the ride. 

“Tell us about Cyrus.” Reid prompted. 

He looked to the woman driving, your new companion for the day - Nancy Lunde, someone who worked with the state department and had set up the interviews with the children at the Separatarian Sect. 

“Benjamin Cyrus. No criminal record. In fact, there’s no record of the guy at all.” Nancy explained. 

“That’s odd.” You commented. “Usually someone being accused of something like this would have some past offenses. Especially because it would give him a reason to move into isolation to continue the criminal pattern of behavior.” 

“Well, I couldn’t find anything on him.” Nancy shrugged. 

“What about the 9-1-1 call?” You asked. 

“A fifteen year old girl called in saying that a man was ‘laying with her’ and claimed it as ‘God’s will’. I believe the ‘he’ referred to is Cyrus.” Nancy explained. “The age fits with Jessica Evanson, but I’ve managed to negotiate interviews with all the children, just to be sure. It wasn’t easy.” 

“They’re incredibly weary of outsiders.” You commented. “Our boss warned you not to identify us as FBI, right?” 

Nancy nodded. “I got you some spare credentials, just in case.” 

She took one of her hands off the wheel and reached into her pocket.

“You’re going to be using your real names. You’re going in as Child Victim Interview Experts working with Child Protective Services. No association with the FBI.” Nancy explained, handing Reid your fake credentials. 

He nodded, inspecting the IDs before handing you yours where you were sitting in the backseat. 

“Oh, before I forget.” You noted, reaching into the pocket of your cardigan. “The rings.” 

You pulled out a small plastic bag that Hotch had given to you before you left. It was a bag containing a fake diamond ring in your size and a fake golden ‘wedding’ band for Spencer. 

Reid reached over the seat to grab his ring from you, and Nancy gave the two of you an odd look. 

“Rings?” She questioned. 

“Fake wedding bands.” You explained. 

“It was our Unit Chief’s idea.” Reid added on. “He believes that presenting us as a ‘godly’ married couple to Cyrus will make him more likely to open up to us. He’s less likely to see us as hostile outsiders if he believes that we share a similar system of beliefs.” 

“It could also have a calming effect on the teenagers we have to interview or the kids there who have had more time to go through indoctrination at the Sect.” You continued to explain. “Even if their parents are hesitant to let the kids speak with us, they may be more willing to have their child speak with us or even leave them alone with us if they believe that we’re fellow Christians, rather than hostile atheists there to poison their children’s minds.” 

Reid nodded at you through the rearview mirror. 

“Make sure you put on the left hand.” He told you. “That’s the position for marriage.” 

You nodded at this. 

You placed the ring in the appropriate position, and you couldn’t help but to take a moment and stare at it. It was jarring to have a wedding ring on - especially with the thought that it represented you being married to Spencer. But you supposed, of all the people to call your husband, he would be one of the best. He was honest, intelligent, kind, and… if you were pressed, you would definitely say he was handsome. 

But you couldn’t get too caught up thinking about all of that. Because it wasn’t real. It was a false projection you were wearing for the benefit of a self inflated sociopath. 

Spencer liked the feeling of the ring. He didn’t take too long to stare at it after he had put it on, because he knew his mind would wander if he did. When Hotch had first proposed the idea of the two of you pretending to be married, Spencer had almost tripped over himself to oppose it - mostly because he didn’t think that he would be able to handle simply pretending to be your husband for the day. It was just too cruel. 

Having something he wanted so badly dangled right in front of him and knowing that it was all just a farce - it bothered him, but he delighted in the play nonetheless. 

When he caught the fake gold glinting in the light, Spencer had to remind himself that it was fake - that you would just be playing his wife for the day. He had to push back any internal glee that he felt at the idea that he got to be ‘taken’ by you while wearing that ring. It wasn’t real. It was just for the day. 

“Isn’t that deceptive?” Nancy asked. “Won’t Cyrus be even more angry if he finds out that it’s not true?” 

“He won’t find out.” You replied confidently. “And besides, we use deception in interrogations all the time. It’s a very basic tactic: align yourself with the suspect. Make them think you share the same beliefs, that you’re on their side.” 

Reid grinned at this. He always loved it when you spoke so confidently. 

… 

“We’re looking for Mr. Benjamin Cyrus.” Nancy announced as the three of you got out of the car. 

“Then you’ve found him.” Cyrus announced confidently. 

He was pretty much what you had expected him to be - dressed informally, slouched over, faking meekness, holding a bible near his chest as though it were a shield. He had planted himself there purposefully, wanting to be the first person to interact with the outsiders as three of you came into the Ranch. 

You hovered back near Spencer, letting Nancy make the first introduction. 

“I’m Nancy Lunde.” She said, giving a small nod toward the man. “We spoke on the phone regarding the allegation.” 

“‘Savages they call us, because our manners differ from theirs.’” Cyrus rhymed off a quote, obviously positioning himself and his group as martyrs being attacked for having ‘different ways’ that the world simply didn’t understand. 

“We didn’t come here to hear you cite scripture, Mr. Cyrus.” Nancy reminded him, hoping to keep the religious zealot on track. 

“Actually, it’s Benjamin Franklin.” Reid corrected her, talking about the quote. 

That did surprise you, but you didn’t find it surprising that Reid knew this fact right off the top of his head. It was just one of the many amazing things about him - his perfect memory and his ability to use it. 

Of course, him saying this immediately drew Cyrus’ attention toward the two of you. So Spencer stepped up to introduce you. 

“Hello, I’m Spencer Reid, and this is my wife, Y/N L/N.” He said motioning toward himself and then to you as he introduced the two of you. Hearing him refer to you as his wife - you hated to say it, but it caused a jolt through your system. Almost as if you had been waiting forever to hear him say those words and hadn’t even known it yourself. “We’re Child Victim Interview Experts, here on behalf of Child Protective Services.” 

Of course, you couldn’t get too caught up in deciphering how those words made you feel, because you had to focus on the task at hand. The job that you were here to do. 

“How far from God’s word must we have strayed for there to be a need to invent a job called ‘Child Victim Interview Expert’.” Cyrus said, his tone even, quiet. 

You knew that covertly, it was his way of saying that the two of you didn’t belong there, because he ran the Ranch with God’s word, so nobody had actually been harmed (in his opinion). He believed that he had done nothing wrong. Obviously, he thought your time and resources were better spent with ‘actual’ victims who didn’t have his power wielded over their lives. 

“I can assure you, Mr. Cyrus, we try to bring God into our work.” You told him, trying to appeal to him. “The children we visit usually need prayer and God’s light the most.” 

Spencer gave you a sideways glance, clearly holding back a grin at how thick you were pouring it on - how much intense, feigned passion you said these words with. 

“Well, I can assure you that a lack of prayer and God’s light is certainly not an issue for the children here.” Cyrus said, giving you a clever little grin. He thought that you would simply interview the children, praise him for what a good job he had done, and then leave. “You can go and see the children whenever you like. They are up at the school, as I indicated in our phone call.” 

Nancy walked toward the school, and you paused before you followed. 

Before you walked off, you looked to Spencer. In a completely silent conversation that only worked so well because the two of you had been in so many tense situations before, thinking around UnSubs and planning miles around them before they could even know it, he gave you a small nod and you instantly knew what it meant. He had established a small bit of trust with Cyrus, so he would stick back and see what else he could get out of the man. 

You nodded back, and then - completely surprising yourself, you leaned in and kissed Spencer on the cheek. You were just playing the part, you told yourself. It’s not that it felt entirely instinctive to say goodbye to him with some kind of affection, like the many hugs you had given him before. It’s not that you felt so entirely scrutinized with Cryus’ piercing eyes on you, and you needed the anchor of Spencer’s touch. 

You were just playing the part. 

Spencer tried not to get caught on being kissed on the cheek like he was some blushing virgin, and instead, focused his attention back on Cyrus instead of watching you walk away. (Even though every single one of his instincts told him that he needed to keep a more careful eye on you because you both had to leave your guns in the car.) 

He took a step closer to where Cyrus was leaning on the concrete, and easily picked a topic of conversation. 

“Solar panels.” Reid said, motioning to the large devices sitting behind Cyrus on the grass. 

“Yes.” Cyrus nodded. “We’re completely self-sufficient here. Food, electricity, water. Benjamin Franklin said ‘God helps those who help themselves’.” He explained. “You look surprised.” 

“No, uh, impressed, actually.” Reid easily lied, trying to appeal to his ego. 

“Thank you.” Cyrus said. “Most men wouldn’t admit that.” 

“Well, I suppose that I’m not like most men.” Reid shrugged in return. 

“How long have you been married?” Cyrus asked, motioning toward Reid’s ‘wedding ring’. 

Reid panicked slightly, knowing that the two of you likely should have coordinated this story during the plane ride to Colorado so that your answers to these simple questions wouldn’t be different. But he just made up an answer and hoped that nobody else would ask you the same question and find out the deception. 

“Three years.” He said. “I’ve been very blessed.” 

He used the language purposefully, knowing that the simple phrase could get him on Cyrus’ good side. That, and he hoped it would draw the attention away from any possible signs of his blatant lie. 

“Your wife is very beautiful.” Cyrus commented. 

He gave a wicked smirk as he said this. It was a simple, fairly ‘innocent’ comment, but it was immediately off-putting to Spencer. It took everything in his body not to glare daggers at Cyrus or throw out some protective comment in return. He could only imagine what was going through Cyrus’ mind as he thought about you, and he hated even imagining it. 

Reid knew that it was a basic logical good, the instinct to protect you because you were his partner on this case and he was supposed to have your back. But it was also something more. Something in every fiber of his being that screamed you were his and no man should ever be thinking of you that way except for him. 

“Has it been a godly union?” 

He was lucky when Cyrus spoke again and distracted him from his mounting rage. 

“We try to be as godly as we can be.” Spencer took the simple, diplomatic answer. 

“Your wife didn’t take your last name.” Cyrus pointed out. 

Nancy had used your name on your false credentials because Hotch had only come up with the fake marriage idea the day before. There hadn’t been time to inform her about it and have ‘Reid’ put on your ID as your ‘married’ name. So he had introduced you by your name to keep everything consistent with the reuse. 

It did make Spencer wonder if you would keep your last name if the two of you ever did get married. It made him almost dizzy, thinking about you as ‘Mrs Reid’. Thinking about your kids having his name. Or your name, if that’s what you wanted. 

But naturally, he pushed past all those thoughts and formed an excuse. 

“Typically, married women aren’t very well perceived in our line of work.” He quickly excused. “She doesn’t even get to wear her ring that often. She couldn’t change her name on paperwork at our office because a working married woman… it’s heavily frowned upon.” 

“Well, I’d have to agree.” Cyrus grunted. “A woman shouldn’t be out working. A woman should be at home raising a family.” 

“I - I suppose you’re right.” Reid agreed through gritted teeth. 

He walked away toward the school before he got too angry again. 

… 

A few hours later, everything had gone to hell. 

Some authority - the police, the military, you didn’t even know - had charged into the Ranch shooting. In response, Cyrus and his followers had come into the school toting large semi-automatics asking you and Spencer if you knew about a raid. 

You didn’t. You wish you had known about a raid. You would have warned Hotch and gotten them to call it off. You certainly would not have been there while it was happening. 

When they had pointed those guns in your face and forced you into the tunnels - it wasn’t very difficult to pretend to be Spencer’s wife then. Cowering in the bunker, confused and scared, you flung your arms around his waist almost instinctively, and he buried his nose in the top of your hair as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders like a shield, promising you that everything was going to be okay. 

Whispered to you like that, coming from him - it was almost easier to believe. Even with the chaos going on around you and the fear pumping through you in response. 

Nancy had run off trying to get them to surrender and did not come back. You had a feeling that you knew what that meant. 

And now, with the kids from the school ‘evacuated’ into the church, you were being held in the cellar at gunpoint. They had forcefully separated you and Spencer, making you sit in chairs at opposite sides of the room.

Spencer was fidgeting. His eyes kept flickering from the door, to you, to the man standing beside you holding the very large gun. 

You knew that you had ugly tear tracks down your face, and oddly enough - you wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms. As you were forced to sit there, just a few feet across the room away from him - you ached for it. 

There was a very large possibility that you were going to die today. And you selfishly needed the comfort of being in the arms of someone familiar - someone safe. Someone you knew would never hurt you. Someone who had made you laugh with dumb science jokes and puns for the last five years that you had worked together with him. 

When Cyrus charged back into the room with two men flanking his sides, you and Spencer stiffened up once again. 

“God will forgive me for what I’m about to do.” Cyrus announced to the room, presenting a handgun from his belt. 

Your insides quaked, and Spencer’s eyes grew wide. 

You couldn’t contain the fearful whimper that erupted from the back of your throat when he raised that gun and placed it near the middle of Spencer’s forehead. You clasped a hand tightly over your mouth to keep yourself from crying out in protest, knowing that would only make things worse. 

“Which one of you is the FBI Agent?” Cyrus asked firmly. 

Which ‘one’? 

So he knew that you were undercover, that you had lied about your job titles - but he thought that only one of you had done so. Where the hell was he getting his information? 

“I - I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Spencer told him quietly, looking him in the eye the entire time. 

You hoped that his stutter could be passed off as nervousness from the gun being pointed in his face, and wouldn’t be pointed to as deception. 

“Which one of you is it?” Cyrus pressed. 

“We are not FBI Agents.” Spencer said, more confidently this time. “We are Child Victim Interview Experts. We were only sent here to ensure the wellbeing of the children. Nothing more, nothing less.” 

Well, that last part wasn’t a lie. 

“You’re lying.” Cyrus told him, entirely confident in this. “God expells those who lie, devils in sheep’s clothing.” 

There was a tense moment, and then Cyrus cocked the gun. 

Spencer didn’t flinch. You resisted the urge to scream. 

“Proverbs 12:22 says: ‘The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.’” Cyrus said, actually citing scripture this time. 

He was giving Spencer one last chance to tell the truth. As if using the bible verse to say that his punishment would be lesser if he simply told the truth now. 

Spencer didn’t take the bait. 

“I’m not lying.” Spencer said firmly. “What? You think I wouldn’t know if - if my wife was an FBI Agent? This is the woman I wake up next to every single morning, the woman I go to sleep next to every single night, we work together every single day, we-” 

Cyrus interrupted Spencer’s ranting with a sharp hit to the face, pistol whipping him across the cheek. 

This caused Spencer to go flying off the chair, and you couldn’t help when you let out a wounded cry. It took everything in you not to jump out of your own chair and rush to Spencer where he had collapsed onto the ground, clutching his cheek. 

“Someone is going to tell me the truth.” Cyrus said gruffly. 

“It must have been Nancy!” You said, the idea finally popping into your head. 

You seemed to be more clever with the pressure of Spencer’s life being threatened. Cyrus stared you down, turning his attention fully toward you now. You caught Spencer’s eye for a moment and he gave you a small nod - as if to say ‘yes, keep going with that’. 

“The woman we came in with! Nancy!” You reasoned, continuing to point the finger at the woman you had to assume was dead. “We - we just met her today. Our boss introduced us to her, but we had never met before that. If she was FBI, we had no clue. We swear.” 

Cyrus turned to you then, and tightly pressed the barrel of his gun into your forehead. You could feel the imprint of it so tight in your skin that it hurt, and you could only lean away so far before threatening to knock the chair backwards. 

“It’s very convenient to pin this crime on someone who isn’t here.” He grunted at you. 

“It’s the truth.” You sniffled out quietly. 

“Hmm.” Cyrus hummed thoughtfully, and then, much to your surprise, he removed the gun barrel from your forehead. 

You barely had a moment to breathe in relief before he began skimming the gun down your neck, touching the metal whisper-gentle across your bare skin - clearly taunting you. It was something that made your whole body stiff with alarm, and caused Spencer’s eyes to go wide once again.

“Perhaps I should strip you naked to ensure that you’re not wearing a wire.” Cyrus said, teasing the gun along the buttons at the front of your cardigan. 

You held back a sob at the thought of it - at the idea that he could make you do almost anything for the fear of you being shot. Truthfully, you were more afraid of what he might do to Spencer if you didn’t comply, but it was all the same in your mind now. His life was just as valuable as yours, and you would do whatever it took to protect him.

Before Cyrus could take these threats any further, a heroic voice intervened. 

“That’s enough!” Spencer yelled. 

He gathered himself off the floor and oddly enough, none of the men moved to stop him as he came to stand beside Cyrus. Perhaps they didn’t see him as a threat. Perhaps it was because Cyrus didn’t bark any orders at them to stop him. He was entirely unflinching, keeping his focus on you and keeping his gun held between your breasts as Spencer crowded into his personal space, trying to press himself between you and the awful man. 

“We’ve told you everything that we know.” Spencer told him lowly, his voice heaving with well controlled anger. It was something that you had rarely ever heard from him. 

Cyrus kept his eyes locked on you, so Spencer continued. 

“We don’t know anything about the FBI - we have a simple job advocating for children who have been abused. That is it. We came here to investigate a most likely false claim against someone in your community and we truly didn’t mean to get caught up in all of this.” He said firmly, clearly trying to appeal to Cyrus. “So I suggest you get that gun away from my wife before you and I truly have a problem.” 

Spencer’s voice was dark, so thick with rage. More pent up rage than you had ever heard from him when he was talking to any suspect, people who had done the worst of the worst. Something about Cyrus threatening you had truly boiled his insides. 

The way he said the words ‘my wife’ - growling it out like he was a feral animal and this threat to you had activated every single one of his protective instincts. Hearing it made something inside of you yearn for him on such a deep level that you didn’t know was possible. You wanted to feel that kind of protection cast over you every single day. It made you feel invincible, having Spencer watch over you like that. 

Cyrus lowered the gun then, and Spencer grabbed your arm as you dissolved into hysterical tears. Instinctively, he lifted you up into his arms. You thought that you heard Cyrus mumble out ‘my apologies’ as he left the room - but he was barely on your radar. Your entire world became narrowed down to nothing but Spencer, your safety net as he built a wall of protection around you. 

He used his height to block you from seeing anything but him, letting you push your face into his chest as you cried. He wrapped you in his arms once again, letting you feel truly safe for a few moments as you sobbed into the fabric of his sweater. Your arms clutched desperately at his waist, needing to keep a hold on him - needing to ensure that he didn’t leave you. 

“Hey, shh. Shh. It’s okay.” He said, leaving gentle kisses on the top of your forehead and your hair, rubbing across your back with one hand, comforting you in the only way he could in those moments. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

Of course, he wanted to break down too. But he had to be strong for you. 

“Spencer,” You called his name in an utterly wounded voice, pulling away from his chest to look up at him. 

When you saw his injury up close - a sharp, purple-red bruise that was blooming across his cheek, it looked so utterly painful. Your insides ached at the thought that he had taken a blow for you. You hated to imagine what more they could have done to him if they had not believed your lies. 

You instinctively reached a hand up to touch it and he caught your fingers halfway, instead, gently grasping your hand and laying it on his chest. The intimacy felt so oddly rehearsed - so worn in, so ‘normal’. It felt like you had been married to Spencer for years. Like it wasn’t a play at all. 

Your two souls had been calling out to each other for years, just waiting for the dam to break. But you couldn’t quite put it into words - not like that. 

“It’s okay.” He said quietly, knowing you were horrified by the injury. 

He was so gentle, so comforting, so calm. Everything the men pointing guns at you were not. Unlike Cyrus - Spencer Reid was a true blessing from God. 

You couldn’t hold yourself back then. 

You surged up and kissed him, fully embracing his mouth with yours in a kiss. Though it was so sudden, it was something he easily returned. The kiss so full of urgency, so needy, so passionate. Like he was trying to tell you that it was okay, that he would protect you no matter what. 

He would protect you because you belonged to him. 

In those moments, the two of you were basically alone. One of Cryus’ men was guarding the door, watching on boredly. But Cyrus was off in the church, funneling people in to prepare for his ‘loyalty’ test. It didn’t matter if he saw you kissing or not - it wouldn’t have sold the reuse of you being married any better. 

This was just for the two of you. This was comfort. 

When you pulled back from the kiss, Spencer looked stunned, almost as if he couldn’t believe what had happened. You didn’t give him time to question it. 

“Thank you.” You said quietly. 

It was twofold:

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for giving me comfort. 

Spencer didn’t have too much time to marinate in the meaning of the kiss before Cyrus’ men came back and fetched the two of you, wanting you to observe the loyalty test. 

… 

After the mock poisoning (which Spencer figured out rather quickly, making you admire his cleverness once again), Cyrus kept you and Spencer in the church with a few of his closest, most loyal followers while all of the low level followers dispersed back to their homes. 

You and Spencer were lingering in the back quietly while Cyrus was on the other end of the room, talking to his men about how to proceed. The plans for their ‘final stand’. 

“We need to get some kind of signal to the others.” Spencer whispered quietly. “Maybe they’ll take pity on you and let you go if-” He swallowed sharply, cutting himself off abruptly. Oddly enough, he didn’t want to voice whatever was on his mind. 

“If what?” You probed. You wondered what the hell you could possibly be thinking. 

“If we tell them that you’re pregnant.” He said, whispering so lowly that you almost didn’t catch the words. 

You rolled your eyes sharply at this. 

You had gotten married and had kids all in one day. What a miracle. 

(In those moments, clouded by fear, you couldn’t see it for what it truly was - Spencer blatantly revealing his unconscious desires to have a baby with you.) 

“We could convince them to release you. As a show of good faith. A pregnancy would be good leverage in that. You know how religious people are about fetuses-” Spencer reasoned. 

“Yeah, and what if they give me a test?” You probed, punching a large hole in his logic. “We don’t know what kind of infirmary they have here. They obviously believe in modern technology. What if they want to give me an ultrasound to check on the fetus after the stress of the day? To prove that they did no harm to the precious unborn child,” 

Spencer was easily caught on this point. If they examined you and found that you weren’t pregnant, all the lies would fall apart. 

“Well… what if we tell them that you have a baby at home that you need to get back to?” Spencer reasoned, jumping to the next logical conclusion in his mind. “It’ll likely garner the same level of pity.” 

“Your imaginary sperm is powerful, isn’t it?” You whispered back sharply. Spencer rolled his eyes this time. But he didn’t redact the plan as unreasonable, so you continued on. “Okay, what do I even do when I get out there? I’m not gonna be of any use to the tactical team. We don’t know what Cyrus’ final play is yet.” 

Truthfully, you couldn’t bear to be separated from Spencer. Knowing that he was inside, potentially being beaten up more, potentially being shot and bleeding out from a wound without you knowing - it would kill you with stress. You need to be by his side. You needed to know that he was okay. 

“Has God blessed your union with any children?” Cyrus appeared behind you suddenly. 

You wondered if he had heard you say the word ‘pregnancy’ or if this was just a random topic that had come up in his mind. 

His sudden appearance behind you caused you to whip around and crowd into the comfort of Spencer’s arms again because you were frightened. Naturally, Spencer wrapped his sheltering touch around your shoulders. Your back was gently pressed into Spencer’s front, his arm shielding you protectively as it was wrapped around your chest, holding you with his hand on one of your shoulders, unconsciously stroking his thumb across the fabric of your cardigan. The position had you both facing Cyrus, watching the fan in an offensive way. 

And of course, Spencer didn’t miss a beat. 

“Yes.” Spencer answered easily. “We have two kids at home. A boy and a girl. Iris and Hugo. Iris is almost three years old and Hugo is eleven months. His first birthday is coming up in June.” 

You knew that Spencer could be very good at talking off a suspect’s ear under pressure, but when you heard him rattle off these ‘facts’ so easily, it hit you. 

This wasn’t simply statistics or physiological knowledge - this was a very elaborate backstory for your supposedly real marriage. Perhaps he had thought about all of it on the car ride up (which was odd not to share it with you, in case Cyrus asked you a similar question and your answer didn’t match up with Spencer’s). 

But if you weren’t mistaken, this wasn’t simply a backstory for your fake marriage during the undercover mission. This was a fantasy of his. Those were names he had lovingly chosen for your imaginary children - kids he had dreamed up in his head and wanted to be real. 

Your heart ached at the thought of it. You found yourself missing a set of children that weren’t even real. (And distantly, wanting to jump his bones to make it a reality.)

“Tell me, Mr. Reid, would you find it so shameful for your daughter to marry young?” Cyrus asked. 

You found it odd to hear Cyrus call Spencer ‘Mr. Reid’, but you realized that he hadn’t introduced himself as ‘Doctor’ in this setting. You held your tongue when you felt the need to correct him as you had so many other people, wanting Spencer to receive his proper title. 

Your mind almost couldn’t focus on the question that Cyrus had asked. Of course, he was trying to get Spencer to stroke his ego once again. Basically admitting that the whole reason the two of you had come here was true - he was being vastly inappropriate with a young member of the church, and getting away with it. And he saw nothing wrong with it. 

And he was trying to get an outsider to admit that he saw nothing wrong with it too. 

When there was a moment of silence - Reid obviously torn on how to answer the question, Cyrus continued. 

“Is there really something so wrong with a blooming young woman marrying a man who will protect her under God’s laws?” He probed, his voice so entirely confident. Clearly confident that he was right. 

“Well, I’m not sure if I would let my daughter get married so young.” Reid said, finally speaking up. “I just know that I would want her to marry a man that would protect her, and be the best possible fit for her. Someone who would cherish her and be good to her no matter what.” 

His answer made you swoon. You reached up and gently gripped his forearm in response, giving a light squeeze to show your approval. He leaned in and kissed the back of your head - dizzyingly, you were imagining him walking your imaginary daughter down the aisle before you had even gotten married yourself. 

Maybe it was being so close to death, being threatened in such dangerous territory that was causing your life to accelerate at light speed in your mind. If you were going to lose everything, you might as well enjoy the escapism of a fake life with a beautiful man in your mind instead of being stuck on the heart pounding terror of being held hostage, right? 

Surprisingly, his words drew a smile from Cyrus. 

“You’re a protective father, aren’t you?” Cyrus asked. 

“Of course.” Reid confirmed. 

“I can always admire that in a man.” Cyrus nodded. “A man should always pride himself on protecting his family.” 

There was another moment of pause, and you were hoping that the topic had been dropped completely. 

“Do you have a picture of your children with you?” Cyrus asked. 

You wondered if - in a different version of reality, where you and Spencer really were married, where Hugo and Iris really did exist - if you had a picture of them in your pocket, would Cyrus only be asking this so he could use the picture to taunt the two of you? What other purpose would he have for knowing what your children looked like? 

“Unfortunately, no.” You answered. “I keep my family pictures on my desk. In my office. We - we’ve just been praying to get back to them safely.” 

Cyrus seemed perturbed at you mentioning that you had an office. Something dark flickered over his features for a moment and then disappeared. 

“Well… if it is right, God will grant you that safe passage.” Cyrus said. 

Just when you truly thought the conversation was done, he said something to you that entirely grinded under your skin. 

“I find it entirely odd that a mother of two young children spends her days working a job where she takes care of other people’s children, rather than staying at home with her own youngins where she belongs.” 

He said, using that same entirely confident, righteous tone that he always did. Even though you were not really a working mother, you had a hard time not boiling with anger at the sexism ripe in his statement. 

“How much must you be missing of your sweet angels lives to instead partake in the horrors of devils you shouldn’t have to witness.” 

Of course. 

You had a hard time not rolling your eyes at this or saying something harsh that would set him off. Instead, you reached up to Spencer’s arm around your shoulder, squeezing his fingers, trying to keep your patience.

“I’ll have you know that Y/N is an amazing mother.” Spencer piped up, knowing that Cyrus respected him enough as a man that he wouldn’t beat him simply for speaking up. “Her nurturing and caring makes her infinitely better at her job.” 

Again, you knew that there was so much personal truth in Spencer’s words. He thought that you would make an amazing mother to his children - at least theoretically. He was entirely firm in that conviction. And he thought that your natural caring made you amazing at the job you did as a Profiler. He knew this from the quality of work he witnessed you doing every single day. 

You didn’t know it - but it was just one of the many things that had caused him to fall in love with you. 

Oddly enough, Cyrus’ words prodded at something deep inside of you. It made you imagine a life for yourself where you weren’t spending your days witnessing horrors from unspeakable devils - but instead, at home, looking out for Spencer’s imaginary children. 

You would have said it was the fear of the day, clouding your mind. But maybe it was the clarity of being so close to death that made you realize what - and who - you truly wanted out of life. 

… 

Hours later, after some of the hostages had been released (the ‘non-believers’ who had failed the loyalty test), Cyrus had requested that some food be sent up. Spencer gave you a sharp look when he saw the message written on one of the takeout lids. 

The team would be storming in to end the hold-out at 3am. You had to somehow ensure the safety of the hostages by then. 

Obviously, the fake pregnancy idea was still warping through Spencer’s mind, but you had come up with some much better. 

“Cyrus,” You called out his name gently, getting his attention. “You said that you have a nursery here?” 

It had come up, during his long winded bragging about how perfect the Ranch was. Something about how mothers didn’t have to raise their children alone. The children were raised as more of a ‘group effort’ and women took ‘shifts’ in the nursery, allowing the women to rest or get chores done in the interim. 

“Yes, we do.” He nodded. 

Spencer stared at you with his jaw set, wondering what you were doing but not daring to speak. 

“I - I’ve been missing my children dearly. I was wondering if I could go to your nursery and see if they need any help? It would do my soul good to be around young ones right now. After all the commotion of these days.” You spoke meekly, trying to play the part of the shaken up, dainty woman well. 

Which was too difficult, seeing as you were playing up the fear you had already experienced. 

He grinned. It was a rather menacing smile, and you tried your hardest not to show any further fear, or disgust. 

“That sounds like a splendid idea.” He nodded. “Christopher, why don’t you escort her down to the nursery and then come back? We need you here for our final preparations.” 

You were finally falling to those gender roles that he had been pushing on you since you had arrived. He didn’t suspect a thing. He simply thought that you were a God fearing woman falling to your natural womanly instincts, needing to care for children lest your womb shrivel up and you die. 

Spencer rose from his seat and Cyrus stopped him. 

“Just your wife.” He said, putting a hand in front of Spencer’s chest to stop him. “There are still some things you and I need to discuss. Man to man.” 

You went over to Spencer and didn’t hesitate to plant a kiss firmly on his mouth, which he returned with vigor. This one lasted only a moment - it was something precious for the two of you. You didn’t need to put on some pointed show for the men in the room. 

“It’s okay.” You told Spencer quietly, brushing your fingers gently over his uninjured cheek. 

You could tell that he was dying to ask you what your plan was. But he kept the words trapped in his throat, unable to speak in front of the many temperamental villains lurking about. 

“Come on.” Christopher grunted. 

Spencer gave you a longing look as you left. He didn’t want to think it, but as he watched your figure retreat out the door, he feared that it would be the last time he ever saw you. 

… 

Your plan worked flawlessly. 

Getting to the nursery meant that you had unsupervised access to the women and children, especially away from Cyrus’ prying ears. Because you were a ‘delicate’ woman, nobody suspected you of having ulterior motives. You easily found a crack in Kathy, Jessica’s mother. You spotted her as the one who had made the original 9-1-1 call, wanting to get her daughter away from Cyrus. You convinced her to help you get everyone out, and you felt intense relief when you were met with a familiar face in the cellar as everyone escaped through the tunnels. 

“Where’s Reid?” Morgan easily asked you, glancing behind your shoulder as if waiting for him to appear. 

“He’s still up at the church.” You told him. “I had to separate off to help get the women and children out-” 

“Go on, we have to get you out!” Morgan urged, trying to gently usher you along. 

“We have to go get Reid!” You argued, trying to turn around. 

“Go, go on, I’ll go get Reid!” He told you. 

You were about to argue back, but you were cut off by a scuffle behind you. 

Jessica was yelling about Cyrus - how her mother had betrayed her, tricked her. 

Morgan pushed Kathy toward you and ran off screaming for Jessica. You took Kathy’s arm, gently convincing her that everything was going to be okay as you guided her the rest of the way out. You had to focus on this, convincing yourself that everything was going to be okay. You had to tell yourself that Derek was going to get Spencer out - that they were both going to be okay. 

When you got outside, you were hyper focused on marching away, taking a path away from the church as directed by the officers in charge. You froze in your tracks when you heard it - an earth shattering boom. The ground beneath your feet shook. You felt a puff of hot air swell to touch your back. 

You let go of Kathy’s arm and whipped around, and you couldn’t even pay attention to where she went. You almost thought you heard her weeping, but your mind couldn’t process it as your eyes were glossed in bright orange flame. 

It was the church. 

“Spencer?” You gasped quietly. “Spencer!” 

You couldn’t help it, but you began to run toward it. Your feet carried you faster than you could think, and before you got more than a few feet across the ground, you felt a sharp grip on your upper arm. 

“L/N!” 

Hotch’s voice, sounding far too distant for the position he held right behind you, viciously gripping onto you as you fought against him, trying to get toward the fire - trying to get to Spencer. 

“Hey! Hey! Stop it!” Hotch tried to order you around, tried to get you to stand down. 

He got a hand around your waist, and you continued to kick like a wild horse, fighting against his grip as hot tears poured down your face. 

“He’s in there!” You sobbed. “Spencer is still in there.” 

“Calm. Down.” Hotch ordered sharply. 

You collapsed back into him sobbing, all of the fight leaving your muscles at once. You couldn’t fake the reality in front of you. 

“You running in there and getting hurt isn’t going to change anything.” Hotch told you quietly, a somehow distant murmur into your ear. 

Through the blur of your tears and the sharp orange glow, you saw the shape of two bodies. You heard coughing as someone emerged from the blast, hobbling down the stairs at the front of the church. You forced your eyes open wider, trying to see who it was, and then: 

“Y/N!” Spencer called out your name gruffly through the smoke he had inhaled, and you easily shucked off Hotch’s grip to race up the stairs to get to him. 

He was leaning on Morgan for support and you were worried that he was hurt. But the moment you were close enough, he tore himself away from Morgan and the two of you met in the middle. In a pattern that was easily developing, you fell into the safety of his arms, holding him tight enough to bruise him - never wanting to let go. 

“You’re so stupid, you’re so stupid! Why would you do that to me?” 

You sobbed out, gripping both sides of his face, staring into his eyes, needing the recognition that he was right there, right in front of you. 

He stared back with glassiness - intense fear, adrenaline, and something small that told you he was thankful for you, and needed you now more than ever. 

Of course, your words were simple anger at the situation, not at Spencer himself. The terror of thinking that he was dead still pumping through your veins, causing you to shake. 

“I know.” He said quietly. “I love you.” 

His voice wrapped around the words so tenderly - it was the most sincere declaration you had ever heard from him. As if to say ‘I know how much that scared you. I know what this ordeal has done to us and I only meant it more because of how scared I am’. 

“I love you too.” The words flew from your lips so naturally it hurt. You took a moment to recover, entirely shocked by your own lips. And then, you only found the need to say it growing more inside of you. “Spencer, I love you.” 

You pulled him toward you with the grip you had on his face, and he easily met you in one of the most earth shattering kisses you had ever experienced. 

It was no longer a show, it was no longer about displaying the fake marriage for someone else’s benefit - if it had ever been about that in the first place. It was about the two of you. It was about feeling that comfort, that safety. It was about the fact that your two souls were drawn together since the day you had met. The fact that you had always felt safe with each other. You had always been the other person’s shelter from the storm. 

And you poured every ounce of those feelings into that kiss. 

You combed your fingers through Spencer’s hair, taking a harsh grip on the back of it, holding him there so he couldn’t pull away from your lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, fisting the back of your sweater. Both of you entirely refused to come up for oxygen, not even caring who saw the epically passionate, public display of your love for each other. 

Unbeknownst to you, Morgan and Hotch exchanged a look with raised brows as it happened. You and Spencer didn’t care. You were barely perceiving the world around you as the two of you kissed. 

“You know if you’re not careful, people are actually gonna think you two are married.” Morgan said, being his usual sarcastic self. 

Rather than pulling away from Spencer’s lips to sass him back - you simply flipped Derek off over Spencer’s shoulder. 

On the ride home, JJ handed Derek five dollars. He had the over/under that the two of you would get together before the end of the year. JJ said that it wouldn’t happen for another five years, at least. Derek handed the fiver to Emily when she reminded him that the ‘fake marriage’ bit had actually been her idea. 

When Emily and JJ relayed the story to Penelope, she squealed so loudly into the phone that JJ dropped it. 

Hotch pulled you aside later and warned you that the fake rings were just cheap costume jewelry that Garcia had gotten and they would tarnish soon if you kept wearing them. He also recommended that you and Spencer put in the paperwork with HR if you were ‘serious’ about the relationship. You knew that it was him wishing the two of you his best. 

A few days later when you came into work and found the HR request for an update of relationship status sitting on your desk, already signed by Spencer, you couldn’t help but to smile.

...

A/N: okay, I do have to admit, the ending kind of sucks imo (like the last few paragraphs) because I highly resisted the urge to end this with 'baby making' smut where y/n is like if 'you want kids for real, then we can have kids', and then Spencer just goes nuts. because I did like the more cheesy/romantic love confession ending, and I was getting way too tired to write smut for this. idk if I should do that 'x amount of reblogs for part 2' thing or if I'm just happy with this being a standalone oneshot?? idk. if people ask for a part 2, then I will set a reblog goal for it. and I will work on a part 2 for it after Lesson Two is posted.

[thefollow-spot]

hello you're the resident silmarillion fan out of my following list so I'm curious, how bad do you think the Rings of Power is as a Tolkien-world story compared to what was actually written in the book? Like, i get the feeling that the story is the kind of adaptation that would stand up really well on its own as a story if it weren't related to the source material at all?

I started the book (and by that I mean first chapter) years ago and never got to finish it, but i've been meaning to do it after seeing you reblog things about the story. I only saw like three episodes of TROP season two as my father (LOTR fan) watched it and i was laying on his couch sick, and he mentioned that he likes the way the story expands on some things such as how the rings came into being, he says that the book didn't really do that. But I've seen some people say that the show really deviates from the book almost to the point of scoffing at Tolkien's established world and plots. So, I think it's likely that i will watch the show and read the book at some point in time, but i wanted to know, is this a case in which i absolutely must read the book first before the show ruins it, and if so how hard do i need to hold onto my hat?

Hello!! I’m so flattered that I’m your resident Silmarillion fan, even though I’m sure there are more Qualified���️ Tolkien fans on this hellsite <3 And THANK YOU for asking me this; I would LOVE to share my thoughts! Full-disclosure: I’m a self-proclaimed recreational Rings of Power hater. Of course, none of this is really that serious and I bear no ill-will towards fans of the show + hope anyone who likes RoP is out there having the best time, but hating on The Rings of Power is like candy to me so I’m going to be sooo mean about it <3

The short answers are: IMO, Rings of Power is a blatant cash-grab, which reveals itself in every structural choice. It’s an abysmal adaptation, and I personally find it to be an uncompelling piece of original fantasy. I would 100% recommend you read The Silmarillion in general, and definitely before watching RoP!

As someone who loves The Silmarillion, please please please give the book another try, I am begging you!! If you absolutely must only read the relevant sections to RoP, “Akallabêth” and onward + the appendices to The Lord of the Rings are all you need (but you’ll be lacking some really compelling context). The Silmarillion is a book where you get out of it what you invest—the first time I read it, TBH I found it really dry, but the second time I read it, I absolutely fell in love.

I’m in love with Maedhros being the best of his family until he loses it all to grief; I’m in love with Fingon never forgetting how to love people despite always being left behind; I’m in love with Túrin being a damning examination of cultural alienation and queerness (even if Tolkien didn’t 100% know it). I am so so so in love with this book PLEASE try it again 😭

If you do end up watching The Rings of Power first, I feel I need to emphasize a non-exhaustive list of things to keep in mind:

RoP does Elrond a disservice by erasing his past as a child of war

RoP does Gil-galad a disservice of sidelining him when he should be a main character

RoP does Celebrimbor a disservice by depicting him as a stuffy older academic instead of as an ambitious artist clawing for esteem in the shadow of his bloodline being the most infamous noble house in Elvish history

RoP does Galadriel (and women) a disservice by aging her down several thousands of years and portraying her as emotional, unreasonable, and politically ineffectual instead of as celestial, war-sharpened, eldritchly wise, and so so so exhausted with Sauron’s bullshit

You can stop reading here, but if you want longer answers and ✨me being a recreational hater✨, it’s under the read-more:

Is The Rings of Power a good book adaptation of Tolkien’s Second Age?

No!! The Rings of Power is a financial asset owned by Amazon disguised as a television show! We can tell that the production is focused more on marketability than on artistic merit by looking at the character breakdown, plot structure, lore, and themes:

Tolkien’s works are vast in scope, therefore every age of Middle-earth has its own set of key players; a Second Age story should focus on Celebrimbor and Gil-galad, but RoP focuses on Elrond and Galadriel for no reason but name recognition (RoP producers, probably: “No casual LotR fan is gonna watch a show about a cast of randos they don’t know!”). As a result, they are NOT telling the story from the book(s) because they’ve pointed the camera away from the people who are actually doing anything in canon! They are making up plot and lore because the canon plot is unprofitable!!

The showrunners are adamant to give the Second Age the same thematic wash as Peter Jackson’s Third Age story even though the two periods are completely different (they go on and on in interviews and marketing material about it needing to feel like “Tolkien” but what they really mean is, ‘like the successful fantasy media franchise we’re corpse-robbing for nostalgia money’). The Second Age is a transitional period—the Third Age is practically post-apocalyptic. But these writers cannot do thematic textual interpretation beyond beating the Lord of the Rings movies to death and dragging its corpse around… which is actually a win for Amazon because woohoo, that makes these poor fuckers marketable!

If Amazon hired anyone who actually cared about the Second Age, they would have a less familiar property, therefore a difficult-to-market product; a Second Age story written by people who care about the Second Age would feel thematically different from the name they’re trying to capitalize on. I cannot stress enough how disappointing Rings of Power is as an adaptation of one of the most compelling and underexplored periods of Middle-earth history.

Is The Rings of Power a good fantasy TV show?

IMO, no! Because the producers greenlit a show written by two writers who are utterly incapable of doing their own thematic reading, the resulting product is what you get when you throw money at people with no artistic vision. I say this as someone who believes 100% in the value of poorly-crafted TV: I find Rings of Power to be tonally and structurally confused, inescapably derivative, and over-reliant on clichés. Maybe this is just because, as someone who knows anything about the Second Age, it also actively punishes me for knowing what I do but anywayyy.

They jammed a ‘whodunnit mystery’ format onto a fantasy epic, and write dialogue scenes with no stakes and little charm. The world is often lacking in whimsy or gravitas due to their CGI sets and underbudgeted costumes and hair design (RIP to the costume designer Kate Hawley, she’s done some fantastic stuff on productions that give her respect and resources). And every single person talks like Kilgharrah (RIP to the actors who are all putting in a valiant, earnest effort with the under-edited material and poor direction they’re being given). They advertised the show on diversity, yet underwrite their OCs of colour and disrespect their female characters. The best part of Season 1 was when Halbrand almost took his shirt off in the finale, but he didn’t even take his shirt off all the way so that was the worst disappointment of all 😔

Re: how the rings of power were made & does the show scoff at Tolkien’s lore?

It’s true that (at least according to the books I’ve read), there are no in-depth descriptions of the magic or silversmithing techniques used in the forging of the rings of power (but this is unsurprising, given that Tolkien’s magic system is soft-magic rather than hard-magic). In The Silmarillion and in the appendices to The Lord of the Rings, the important part isn’t so much how the rings were made, but why—the political circumstances surrounding their forging. I think it’s evidence that the writers don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing that they’ve focused on the mechanics of smithing rather than the seduction of Celebrimbor.

The Rings of Power does more than scoff at Tolkien’s established world and plots—what it does is treat Tolkien’s writings as an outdated hindrance to their goal of telling the clumsiest, self-aggrandizing, resumé-padding television story known to modern audiences.

Okay, okay—I'll shut up now <3

As you can tell, I am unhinged about this topic LOL!! I hope I’ve answered your question, and if you DO decide to watch Rings of Power, I hope you have a better time than I did and wish you all my best <3 I’ll just be over here in the corner shaking my fist in RoP’s general direction, for enrichment 😌✌️

[crowhunterzz]

i know it’s been said on here plenty of times but i genuinely get so upset when i see people continuously perpetuate the whole “Gehrman’s a creep and the Doll is a sex object theory” when there’s an actually direct in-game evidence showing that none of that is true. and yk what despite the posts abt this that already exist i am, in fact, gonna make one of my own.

Okay so first off, The Voiceline. You know the one.

Yeah this line got interpreted by a portion of the fandom as weird, especially because of the tone it’s said in. However, there are two pieces of context that immediately show what he meant by this.

The first, is that you DO use the Doll. She provides a service for you by taking your blood echoes and turning them into your strength (the level up system).

Aside from this, the ability to talk to her, and the option of giving her an item, there is nothing else you can do with her, and nothing else the game even implies you can do with her. She does not even have any truly “romantic” dialogue. She mentions that she loves you, but that she does because she was created to do so.

She loves all the hunters because her purpose is to care for them, and in her words, embolden their sickly spirits.

The second piece of context is in Gehrman’s dialogue just before he says the line about the Doll.

He is telling you that anything you find in the workshop is a tool you can use to strengthen yourself and make the hunt easier. He is referring to the Doll as a tool, because she is one of the few the workshop has not lost. He’s not sexualizing her, he’s talking about her like she is a tool, and something to be used, not seen as a person.

Is it a good thing? No, but considering he resents her for not being what he created her to be (or by another interpretation, coming to life when he never intended her to), it’s not unreasonable to assume that over time he would just categorize her as a thing instead of a person.

The second piece of evidence towards this god awful theory is the Doll’s white blood. Honestly I cannot believe people genuinely take this as being semen, because not only is there a canon reason for creatures to have pale blood, but also it’s just disgusting.

You need a minimum of one insight to see the Doll during the game, she was given life by the Moon Presence following Gehrman’s placement in the Hunter’s Dream, and she bleeds pale blood. She’s kin. (Yes I am aware the game does not consider her kin in regards to whether or not she can be dealt damage based gems that alter your attacks vs kin, but you’re not supposed to be fighting her anyway, and it’s not like you need a bonus to kill her in the first place).

And finally, to address the other big point, the item descriptions that appear on Maria’s Hunter Garb and the Doll’s Set.

I would like to address first, the obvious, that Maria’s garb says directly she was “unaware of his curious mania” (however you interpret that), but the point is she was unaware, he clearly in life, never made advances on her (which is something I’ve seen a few people state is ‘implied’???).

The second, and this one is a bit in the subtext, is that the Doll seems to not have any idea that Gehrman ever had any positive feelings towards her at all, she expresses a love for the hunter in a way that reflects someone who was never shown love in any capacity (likely due to the circumstances surrounding her achieving sentience), so its reasonable to assume as well that she was entirely unaware of the ‘curious mania’ as well.

Additionally I would point out that while referencing Gehrman’s mania once more, the Doll’s description also directly states that she was once loved and cared for, something that changed after she gained sentience. She likely served as a memorial for Maria, considering there is no canon evidence Maria herself actually has a grave.

The grave that provides the Old Hunter Bone may be hers, but the item description refers to the hunter it came from as “he.” This could be due to it being placed there prior to the decision to give Maria the quickening skill in her boss fight, or it could be that Maria did not have a proper grave for whatever reason, and thus the Doll was needed, which could then relate the obsession to an obsession with Gehrman keeping a memory of her, as there is nothing else he seems to have of her.

Everything here aside I would like to also point out that the Doll is quite literally, a doll. There is nothing that would even suggest she would be capable of any sort of sexual relationship.

Especially because even before the Dream, the Doll did have a specific purpose. She seems to be modeled after Victorian mourning dolls, which were items used to help families/loved ones process grief, typically of children, by having something to remind them of the deceased that did not itself look deceased. If you consider the grave in the Abandoned Old Workshop to be Maria’s and know that that’s also where the Doll is in the waking world, then that’s probably what she’s for. Or as stated before, the grave may NOT be hers, and the Doll itself IS her grave.

Another thing I didn’t point out but will, for a moment get into, is the Doll’s clothing being feminized. A lot of people take this as Gehrman being a misogynist and sexualizing her in a more feminine way as if he himself was not training Maria (and likely other women) to be hunters during his life. He encouraged the less feminine life she lived as a hunter!

That point always confuses me, especially knowing that one of the last things Maria likely said to Gehrman was what she said after the massacre at the Fishing Hamlet where she threw away her weapon and renounced the hunt, choosing to retire (and potentially become a caretaker for the Church’s patients, judging by her role in the Hunter’s Nightmare). Like OF COURSE he dressed her like that, she expressed that she no longer wanted to be a hunter so he made her the opposite. The only reason she is dressed the way she is in the Hunter’s Nightmare is because that is how Kos is depicting her, not because it’s her conscious choice.

The point of this is, Gehrman is one of my all time favorite characters alongside Maria and the Doll, and while yes, I am well aware he isn’t perfect, it’s still frustrating to see him get so mischaracterized by a fandom who insists they love lore so much, and care about the tiny details. You can dislike Gehrman or think he does shitty things and that’s fine, but creating a story where he’s a creep just to prove you care about Maria and the Doll is weird. And it’s weirdER that people argue IN FAVOR of the theory as if it MUST be true, because honestly why would anyone even want it to be???

This post also was specifically done without consideration for whatever type of relationship Gehrman and Maria had according to canon or any interpretations. Essentially I’m not necessarily saying any of this has anything to do with whether or not you ship them, I personally don’t, but I know some people do, and I feel like on either side you can still be critical of this Doll theory, as it is entirely baseless.

(In case anyone is interested, the images and references used for this were from the Bloodborne wiki, specifically this one.)

[crimeronan]

Camila horror thoughts. In the horrifically fraught family horrors sense of the term.

What if Vee has specifically warned Camila about Hunter, told her all about what he specifically has done in order to give her a heads up, in a way naturally coloured by the views she has (not unreasonably) built up around Hunter because of all the stuff she's done.

So naturally she's got this wariness of Hunter that does not compute when she sees how genuinely caring he is with Luz even if logically she knows people can act remarkably differently in different contexts and none of it negates all the stuff he did with The Basilisks for Belos. But Camila is still pretty sure that Luz doesn't know, and is terrified that if she knew it might destroy something that she is desperately reliant on, her relationship with Hunter. It probably wouldn't, Luz could probably live with that since well horrible nightmare trauma soulmates and by Luz's standards she's done just as bad in a similar context but Camila and Luz keeping secrets for almost the exact same reason (to protect the people they love from horrors they are too insane to be affected by) appeals to me.

But the problem now arises, Camila's told Luz that she has adopted another kid, and Luz in the spirit of trying her best to reach out does want to see Vee or have her visit with Camila next time she comes or something like that since like, thats a normal thing to do on reconnecting with your estranged mother and finding out you have an adopted sister you've never met.

Vee, bless is not going along with that "don't tell Luz how horrible Hunter is since she is hopelessly codependent on him" bullshit at all. Camila knows that, Vee knows that. Camila knows she cannot ethically or reasonably expect Vee to not spill all of Hunter's darkest secrets to Luz in an attempt to ruin his life since, y'know all the stuff he did to her specifically.

For Vee the nicest most compromise-y thing she can do, is just never meet Luz face to face, and thats only because of her respect for Camila. But there's no way Luz isn't going to to notice or be concerned about this so there's this constant ticking time bomb of "when am i gonna meet Vee' since "oh she's off at college" isn't gonna work forever.

god this is all so good. i've been thinking about it since you sent this ask a few hours ago now. bc like. god. there's So Much....

i think you're 100% right that vee would try to stay out of things. she's like mama respectfully i'm ready to meet her IF i'm allowed to scream a lot of pent-up utterly unhinged bullshit but otherwise i think it's best for me not to be involved.

and camila is SUCH a bad liar. if she tried to say that things were fine with vee, luz would clock that something was wrong immediately. she obviously wouldn't jump to "she's from the isles" when there are so many more obvious conclusions -- maybe vee is jealous of luz for being the first daughter camila loved, maybe she's angry at luz for running away, maybe she's sick of luz monopolizing camila's time now when vee is used to having their mom all to herself....

regardless of what luz thinks is most likely, she's definitely like. Ah. I Am Driving A Wedge Between Them. This Is My Fault. On A Personal Level. Somehow.

and then on camila's end, that's even true to a point.... bc vee is getting increasingly more upset by the idea of protecting luz's feelings. i can absolutely see a very tired vee finally having the stress get to her & snapping, "why do you think she'll CARE?? she isn't going to care. even if she's as nice a person as you think she is, it's not like i'm a human or a witch. i'm nothing. she doesn't know how to care about people like me"

...there is, of course, a delicious and vicious irony in that. like. luz Very Much Does Know how to care about someone who isn't a witch or a human.

Oh God.

and then whenever luz meets vee, when it all finally Does come out.... i feel like it would sort of be worse for vee than anything she'd actually braced for. because luz DOES immediately care, she does act like it matters, she immediately wants to know everything and fix everything and make it all better, she immediately takes on all of the responsibility for everything the empire's ever done, she's so sorry, she didn't know, she would have done something, she can do something now--

--and vee is like well. HE knew. and he sure didn't want to help me!! even though i asked him to!! even though he KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO ME THE ENTIRE TIME

hunter has wisely remained quiet because he doesn't think he can really defend himself here. and luz has this moment of uncertainty and confusion, and then she looks at hunter's face, and for a second vee thinks that he's just going to straight-up deny it, but he doesn't. and luz seems to understand that it's all true.

and she doesn't look angry. or even betrayed.

and then she's trying to tell vee that hunter was always in danger when they were growing up, that there must have been extenuating circumstances that made rescue impossible, that he would have helped her if he could, that luz KNOWS he would have because he wouldn't just leave vee to suffer for no reason, that's not the kind of person he is,

and hunter is the one to be like luz. stop. she doesn't need to hear that right now. she can hate me. it's fine.

so vee's opinions on luz are like. 1) i hate that you're so nice that i look insane for being angry with you 2) you're a spineless coward who can't hold anyone accountable 3) you've fooled camila into thinking you're some helpless delicate flower by pretending to be sad when you DON'T care 4) if hunter is going to agree with me about anything then i should legally get to shoot him. just like once. i've never touched a gun or had any inclination to do so before today But I Should Get To Shoot Him .

camila's role in mediating this has mainly been to gently steer the conversation into more productive territory when it looks like it might devolve into panic attacks or violence from anyone involved. she's so fucking stressed by trying to keep things from coming to blows that there's like. no Way that she could do a professional-level job of Family Therapy Mediator.

god.

much 2 consider.

[racefortheironthrone]

How did Civil War differ in the books? I gave up around where Spider-Man went public with his identity (trying to keep track of all the crossover stuff put me off). The stuff you mentioned Tony doing suggests how that side was unreasonable, how was Cap being unreasonable (esp in a setting that thinks Magneto has a point for going homicidal at ANY of the stuff Tony & co proposed, when it's applied to mutants)?

To be clear on my Civil War ask, I am not trying to argue or troll, I find your points about the mutant metaphor in the context of a world with heroes interesting and I'm curious how you see the Sokovia Accords, or their book equivalents. The MCU had it that signing the Accords were required to superhero, so an Avenger who objected, could quit , but IIRC, in the books, that wasn't an option? Like superpowers meant you were conscripted or something? TBC, I was totally pro Cap in both versions

There are some pretty big differences between the comics and the MCU version of Civil War:

in the comics, Registration is meant to be a parallel to the Patriot Act in that it's a wild and tangentially-connected overreaction to a tragedy - the Stamford disaster was directly caused by the actions of a supervillain and had very little to do with the training and experience of the New Warriors. In the movie, the Sokovia Accords happen because of something that the Avengers were directly involved in, although they are similarly grounded in a desire by governments to bring a threat to their monopoly on force under control.

In the movie, while Steve doesn't like the Accords, he's initially intending to resign until he sees the Accords being used to justify a "kill on sight" order on Bucky - and even after he intervenes to save Bucky's life and ensure a modicum of due process, Steve is almost ready to sign on the dotted line when he finds out about Wanda being indefinitely detained. That's when he finds out Zemo and the Winter Soldier program and decides to violate the Accords in order to stop the conspiracy. In the books, Steve rejects the Registration Act on first principles, refuses any possibility of compromise, and becomes increasingly radicalized as time goes on.

Likewise, for his part, Tony is more willing to compromise on the Accords than he was on the Registration Act in the comics, and while he does have Vision put Wanda under house arrest out of panic, he's not involved in Ross' blacksite prisons and changes his position the moment he sees the Raft. There's also none of the really baroque evil shit, like the murderous Thor clone or putting together the Thunderbolts.

To answer some of your other questions: the people writing Civil War didn't agree on what the Registration Act was supposed to do, with some of them describing it as gun control and others as enslavement of anyone with superpowers. although pretty much everyone agreed on the interdimensional blacksite prisons business.

In terms of Cap being unreasonable, I would recommend listening to the podcast I recorded several years ago linked above, but I would point to two main things. The first is that Cap brings the Punisher into his Secret Avengers resistance, even though it's entirely predictable that Castle will start killing Tony's supervillains at the first opportunity. The second is that Cap decides to stage the final battle between himself and Tony in downtown NYC, with no concern for collateral damage or civilian casualties.

[pumpkincarriage3]

Ace and Deuce Relationship Analysis

I always find Ace's and Deuce's first interaction in the game to be hilarious with further context we are provided later on.

Upon first meeting, Deuce throws a literal cauldron on top of Ace. And then the two proceed to argue with each other over their names -- which is hilarious for multiple reasons. They are apart of the same dormitory and classes, they sleep in the same room together (they're roommates), they have spent at least one night in the same room together, with their two other roommates, and apparently neither of them thought to ask the other for their name? Or they couldn't be bothered to remember the others name even though they're roommates and would have met prior to this? Even though they share all of their classes together?

Just, the idea that they have no idea who the other is at the start of the story is absolutely hilarious. Especially since at the end of the prologue, Deuce remarks how he's stuck with Ace since they share the same dormitory. And it makes me wonder if he was remembering him and Ace share a dorm room, or it's just the fact that he knows that they share the same dormitory? Which that thought just makes me wonder, if he didn't remember they share the same dorm, how that conversation went down once Ace and Deuce realized they were heading towards the same room?

But moving on from that, Deuce and Ace had a rivalry going on from the very beginning. From Deuce throwing a cauldron on Ace. From Ace intentionally saying Deuce's name wrong. To Deuce then throwing Ace at a chandelier. Then there was Dwarves Mine, where Deuce, Ace, and Grimm were all at each others throats throwing the blame around. And Deuce and Ace butting heads because Ace wanted to throw in the towel but Deuce not wanting to give up just yet.

Their personalities are completely conflicting. It probably doesn't help that Ace can probably tell that Deuce is holding back from acting out, which in turn annoys Ace. So, Ace than taunts Deuce to intentionally get Deuce to just be himself, in the worst way possible, which then makes Deuce upset.

But, with that said, it's not like their relationship is just a rivalry. Their relationship isn't just arguing. Because they did form a bond during the events of what happened at Dwarves Mine. Because they both had to actively work together and watch each others backs. They had to rely on each other so they didn't die. And it worked. Them working together, with both Yuu and Grimm, helped them accomplish their goals.

This bond is part of the reason why Deuce goes to check up on Ace once he finds out what happened with him and Riddle. Because they just went through a life-or-death scenario and Deuce wakes up to find that Ace is gone and nowhere to be found. He might have been confused, may have momentarily thought that since Crowley had finished the paperwork that they were expelled and he just hadn't said anything, he might have panicked. Or he may have felt none of these things and just wanted to go over and poke fun at Ace since Ace had kept poking fun at him. Poking fun at something he's insecure about, even if Ace doesn't realize exactly what he's doing.

But, Deuce does help out Ace with him being collared. He goes back to Heartslabyul and paints some of the roses. He goes out of his way to go to Heartslabyul to talk to Riddle with Ace even though he knows Riddle is in a foul mood. Of course, that's not to say that Deuce helps Ace with everything selflessly. When it came to collect chestnuts to make a new tart, Deuce didn't offer his help until it was confirmed that he would get to try a tart to. But he did stand up with Ace once he thought Riddle was being unreasonable, and even got his own-self collared.

As time goes on, because they experience so many life-or-death experiences, they naturally gravitate towards one another. They naturally hang out with one another. It's this same reason why they get along so well with Yuu and Grimm. The fact that they share the same dorm room, the same dormitory and all of the same classes just adds to that. But because of this, they also don't get a whole lot of time away from each other, which allows for some frustration to build on their parts.

Because they do genuinely care for each other. One can see this in the Endless Halloween Event, where Ace was worried about, Yuu, Grimm and Deuce. It's just sometimes their relationship comes off more as frenemies than friends.

And apart of this, as I said earlier, is because of how they conflict. Ace wants Deuce to be completely honest with himself and not restrain himself to a role that doesn't completely suit him, so he constantly pokes at and taunts Deuce to bring that Deuce out into the open. Contrastly, when Ace teases Deuce, it pisses Deuce off. Especially since Ace has the tendency to hit the nail right on all of Deuce's insecurities in a way of provoking Deuce into just being himself. But because of who they both are, neither of them have actually properly said something to one another.

Which causes that frustration to fester to the point that Deuce goes to the beach and screams his frustrations out. The two are good friends, and genuinely care for one another, but they should probably sit down and speak with one another before the other snaps. 

[archersgoon]

non-exhaustive list of reasons for finnikin

literally everyone he knows was fucking gone for 10 years. lest we forget after dumping him on topher perri & the guard fucked off and vanished for a decade. monts in the wind. the rock staying on the rock. idk the specifics but he was so disconnected from a&a that he didn't even know about sayles-in-exile

then everyone is back, and they're all doing fine they've had each other (was there something wrong with you? were you just not good enough?) & these are his countrymen, his people, obviously he wants to impress them, & who is he spending the most time with? the guard

they have a problem we know this it's not even intentional they just. haven't spent time with women outside of a sexual context in like. a while

& even then finnikin is held separate by them (through no fault of his own -- as trevanion's son & isaboe's future consort (whether or not he's aware of this)) so this exacerbates his need to be accepted by them as like. a man

(also this ties into froi because while we the audience know he's in the torment nexus, from finnikin pov in early book 2 he's honestly got a lot going on that finnikin wants/wanted. if he's a threat to every other aspect of finnikin's identity then hell, why wouldn't he threaten finnikin's relationship as well? everyone else seems to like him more)

also. far as he could tell (for a long time) he was the only one out there seriously advocating for his people & he's been doing that since age 10. inherently crazy-making situation tbh

he's going to get shit for being the consort and being the 'lesser' of his relationship. like this is just true and he doesn't really have the tools to deal with this because the way for lumateran men to process feelings is to subsume that shit into casual misogyny and unreasonable anger (this isn't necessarily their idealised form of this but it's what tends to happen)

like 'he would be her king' and all but it's kind of hard not to feel emasculated if that's how literally every man you know seems to interpret it (and your current baseline misogyny precludes taking women's opinions into account. topher when i catch you)

his passion & the thing he's good at is being with & talking to his people like this is what makes him tick in book 1 & then in the sequels we just never see him do that again. they keep sending him international to argue fruitlessly (really how does this differ from the years of the curse. finnikin of the rock timeloop real?) & most of what he does on a local level feels kind of nobility-focused (all lords are bastards. he's not having fun)

i also think the international thing is unpleasant for him because we see in book 1 how much he genuinely likes belegonia & then there is none of that in the sequels. i think the realisation of their willingness to swallow lumatere in the name of going after charyn was very very unpleasant for him

basically i think his already present tendency towards misogyny was exacerbated by his need to establish himself as a real boy after his whole job life & understanding of his future was turned upside down (which he is happy about! but change is hardddd especially if you're nineteen and ginger), given that the vast majority of people he spends time with (given his understanding of the responsibilities of his position) are men who are honestly pretty shitty a lot of the time

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 44: Five Will Ride Forth

Well we're reaching the end of the second book folks, so that's exciting! Soon my posts will only be unreasonably spoiling thirteen Wheel of Time books instead of fourteen - not that I don't spoil book one mind you, just that it's hardly fair to complain about spoilers for that in a post on book two. Is this sufficient warning not to keep reading for such folks or must I go on?

We get the Aes Sedai flame in this chapter because of Bornhald's delusions and Verin's machinations, though ironically the latter are much more about grabbing fate in the saidin-style I discussed a few chapters back.

Perrin decided it was not lack of interest in strangers on the villagers’ part; they were carefully avoiding looking at him and the others. These people had learned not to show curiosity about strangers, even strangers who were obviously not Seanchan. Strangers might be dangerous these days on Toman Head.

Not only that, but under the Seanchan regime, knowing about strangers can be dangerous. Much better to be able to say to the secret police that people came and went but you don't know anything about them than to risk conversations where you might learn just enough to seem like a person of interest.

“Who knows why they do anything?” Mat muttered. “Seanchan don’t seem to need a reason for killing people. None I can figure out, anyway.”

Mat will figure it out going forward and really I don't think he'll much like having the knowledge.

Perrin kept an even closer watch than the other two; he had his own reasons for not wanting to meet Whitecloaks. The axe in my hands. Light, what I wouldn’t give to change that.

And yet Perrin doesn't actually mean it yet. He could toss the axe away at any time after all, to at least change potential future atrocities and also the real one that'll happen in book ten. But he keeps it, knowing what he's capable of it with it, and it's not good that he does.

“They aren’t following,” he said. “How can you be sure?” Mat demanded. “I am!” he snapped, then more softly, “I just am.”

Since Mat has no context for understanding how Perrin might be able to know this without the obvious wrong guess, I wonder if he's worried that he's going to start channeling at any moment himself. They are all three of them connected after all.

Put the prisoners in the inn with as much food and water as they can carry, then nail all the doors and shutters closed. Make them think I am leaving some men to stand guard, yes?

The Whitecloaks might not have any a'dam of their own, but they still love committing what atrocities they can. Balefire the whole fucking peninsula and let the Wheel sort it out I say.

No wait that's an atrocity too. Dammit.

He was still not sure which of the two arrow-riddled women he had stared at afterwards had been the Aes Sedai.

Nice and subtle foreshadowing here.

Be sure he understands that we can no longer count on the Tar Valon witches being content with manipulating events from the shadows. If they fight openly for the Seanchan, we will surely face them elsewhere.

And here we see how damaging an irrational hatred is. For all the flaws of the White Tower, the women of Tar Valon will not engage in any battles for quite a long time. If Bornhald had been able to understand that the Seanchan had their own channelers and that they weren't aligned with the Tower, his warning might have been quite different. Hell, his whole approach might have changed.

“Whoever it was, he is not accounted for, no? And he may carry word of us to the Seanchan.” “A Darkfriend would surely do so, my Lord Captain.”

Wrong again! The Whitecloaks very impressively manage to live in a world with black, white, and occasional gray morality and still manage to oversimply the fuck out of it. They could have done so much more for the west if they'd been capable of critical thought.

Far above their heads, a huge, winged shape circled, unnoticed.

Thinking two dimensionally against a three dimensional enemy.

“Heron Wading in the Rushes,” Ingtar said. He sat with his back against a tree, sliding a sharpening stone along his sword and watching Rand. “You should not be bothering with that one. It leaves you completely open.”

Ingtar betrays his own character flaws here. Besides showing that he has no thought for sword forms except for how they can help him inflict violence upon others, he shows he doesn't understand the worth of self-sacrifice to get victory. It was this very short term thinking that led to his fall to the Shadow after all, and this is why he had to die to redeem himself.

“It’s only for balance, Ingtar.” Rand wavered on one foot, and had to put the other down to keep from falling.

Meanwhile Rand foreshadows his own issues metaphorically pretty well. He tries to spend all of his time in a sword form over the course of the story and it's only when he gets back to standing upright that he can succeed.

“With ta’veren, what happens is what was meant to happen. It may be the Pattern demanded these extra days. The Pattern puts everything in its place precisely, and when we try to alter it, especially if ta’veren are involved, the weaving changes to put us back into the Pattern as we were meant to be.”

Verin will be dealing with this one the hard way later!

“To help Mat find the dagger,” he said sharply, “and Ingtar find the Horn.” And Fain, he added to himself. I have to find Fain if it isn’t already too late.

Two outta three ain't bad, Rand.

“Five ride forth,” she murmured.

It's a good thing no one pays attention to Verin or they might get a lot more nervous.

No, Loial, you must stay behind, too. There are no Ogier on Toman Head. You would attract as many eyes as all the rest put together.

Thank goodness Verin is here to do the thinking for them. They probably would have ridden, all twenty of them, if she hadn't been.

Rand peered at the sketched wheel as Ingtar went on with his instructions. It was a broken wheel, now, with only four spokes. For some reason that made him shiver.

The Seanchan would probably say it was a bad omen to tally your soldiers before combat and then to partially destroy the tally too and the Pattern is about to demonstrate why that is.

Next time: Nynaeve and Rand become masters of terrible weapons.

[supernovaa-remnant]

Thanks for tagging me @atrenchcoatofteaandspite :3 I'm like 99% sure this is a getting to know someone type tag game 1. Are you named after someone?

Kinda? But not really. A long time ago my dad met someone with my name and the name really stuck with him for years, I guess. But I wasn't really named after that person it just inspired him to do research into my name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Recently probably lmao. I tear up a lot, but uhh full on sobbing was probably a couple weeks ago.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope! Maybe one day, but that would be in the far future. I like kids though.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Literally none. I was never really into sports as a kid lol. Even now I'm not really into it.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

No I would never (yes occasionally)

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

bold of you to assume I can remember the first thing I notice about people... idk I feel like it depends on the person and the context of our meeting 😭

7. What's your eye color?

Brown <3 like really dark brown someone once told me I had black eyes which. isn't a thing. but I liked their enthusiasm.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Is it just me or is this an odd question? I feel like they're not really comparable unlike, idk, sad vs happy ending. Umm but I'll say happy endings. Horror is incredibly hit or miss with me, but I tend to like happy endings (though you may not guess it from my recent fanworks lmao.. sorry <3)

9. Any talents?

I have forgotten every single thing I have ever done.. gimme a moment lmao

I genuinely can't think of anything I probably have something but tbh I don't even know what counts as a talent lol

10. What are your hobbies?

writing is the biggest one. reading, playing d&d, stargazing (the city is my biggest enemy.. give me the stars back </3), playing guitar, listening to music, occasional video gaming, does daydreaming count? because I spend an unreasonable amount of time daydreaming..

11. Do you have any pets?

:(

I miss my dog.. sorry can I change my crying answer lmao

I used to have a yellow lab named Sagan (named after Carl Sagan) and he was the sweetest boy ever and he got so unreasonably happy anytime we'd get him a new dog bed like jumping up and down tail wagging and it was my favorite thing I used to beg my parents to buy him a new dog bed just so I could see his reaction cause I loved it so much and he was always so gentle and I miss him a lot </3

12. How tall are you?

5'3"/160 cm

13. Favorite Subject in school?

astronomy <33 my absolute beloved there's no class I love more than learning about SPACE!! creative writing classes can also be pretty good though.

14. Dream Job?

None. I want to live life without the constant fear of breaking under capitalistic pressure, free to pursuit hobbies and crafts and interests without the threat of losing shelter and food and other basic needs.

Idk probably like a writer or smth. Maybe smth with space. I'm still contemplating.

tags (no pressure ofc <3): @coyotecrash @rivalsposting @pixelgreen @sioster @cdreambur @obsecure-pluto @broke-on-books + open tag bc I always feel bad abt tagging some people and not others 😭

[botbert-johnson]

A weird reflection on a conversation with a Pro-Capitalist

In the not-so-distant past I had a mutual acquaintance who was very pro-capitalism. I will call him Carl. He had a degree in something finance related, I don’t entirely remember the specifics, but I remember he said things a lot of the time that seemed very apathetic and nonsensical. So, to continue my newfound habit of utilizing this blog as a hybrid between a journal and gateway for conversation; I want to navigate some of the thoughts and realizations I had from this individual. 

Here is some further relevant context between the two of us as individuals; I am an educator at a childcare center that is a part of a primary schools out of school hours care program. I earn a pretty decent amount but that is weighed down by the low hours I have. My fiancé who works at a retail store for less, but has higher hours earns roughly the same amount in her paychecks as I do. Carl had studied economics at a college and had a well-paying office job and putting in years of dedication toward his career, however, was well known for struggling with work life balance and maintaining social connections. 

We had a lot of arguments about the nature of capitalism and how it either served for the employee or exploited them. The main point of his argument was that capitalism is extremely misunderstood, and required a lot of education to understand but once you acquire that education you would know it is in the best interest of all involved. Now in most circumstances I’d agree that education is one of the most important tools for someone to have. And that it is important to take into account the wisdom of those who are educated. However, the problem here is that if the only way to properly understand how the system that will affect every aspect of your life is through university level education, the system might simply be too complicated. 

I’m of course no expert in the matter, but I don’t think it's that unreasonable to believe you want most people who’re a part of a system to understand said system. And I think it’s a little naive (which, don’t get me wrong is not a negative thing to be. Rather tragic) to have not realized how easy it is for a system to be exploited when the majority of the population are not experts educated enough to understand they’re being exploited. 

This segues into my next point, I think human nature plays a bigger part in any system, not just Capitalism, then Carl really understood. It goes without saying there is a chunk of the population in our world that is willing to exploit others for their own personal gain. It also goes without saying that no system is ironclad, and all will have loopholes. Unfortunately, those willing to exploit those loopholes are going to find themselves at an advantage over the honest people who don’t do that. The more they are able to exploit the greater that imbalance becomes until it becomes impossible to ever reach their heights through genuine means. This is closer to the reality we see today, where movements are popping up as people realize there is no such thing as a good billionaire, because they have reached heights unattainable through honest means. 

It does concern me a little, what people are being taught in financial courses to have such rose-tinted glasses. Maybe it's solely the theory of how the system is supposed to work without any of the reality, and none of the exploitation. I hope one day he realizes the problems people like myself face as workers, rather than continuing to believe that those who financially struggle in their day to day lives are at fault. 

[rotting-pond]

Right. The thing is with Frederick Chilton is that like,,,, it wasn't unreasonable for him to expect to be in some kinda limelight within his field

He has a high status job with high status prisoners, he had some decent one liners (I mean this is Hannibal, who doesn't have banging dialogue in this show) I reckon he was probably quite decent at toeing the line between sensationalist writing and actual psychological theory

And I'm not saying I respect him at all but. In any other world this would've been enough!

But in this show you can't get anyway without the luck of a god on your side.

I think one of the reasons Chilton is technically one of the most hateable characters on the show is that he has all the characteristics of the character who usually gets everything they want, even though they deserve none of it.

And as the seasons go on you see Chilton's luck get worse, and worse, and worse still. You're left with nothing but the shell of what should've been the successful asshole.

His whole arc is so compelling because you start off feeling very strongly "ugh, THIS GUY" about him. And by the end of it he's so pathetic and so overtly a victim that you kinda just, can't. The worst you can feel for him is contempt that he deals with his suffering in such away but it's not normal to carry your victimhood with grace the way Will Graham does.

Chilton is just so overwhelmingly normal in the context of the show and it's such a fucking delight

[jayahult]

I think this all is a very well-argued set of points about the preceding arguments, but I feel like all of them are also sort of taking the most extreme stances possible on the matter, possibly because of the phrasing of "reward / punishment." Let's move back to a different scenario for comparison. Say the players are in a combat that the GM wanted to happen and everyone's into it, and one player makes a poor tactical choice or a series of dice rolls don't go their way, and there are serious consequences for it - they're dead, or at the brink of death, or suffer serious injuries, or lose something important. Is sticking with that and continuing the flow of the game with those consequences a punishment, necessarily? I don't really think so. It's certainly a bad time for the character, but the player can still be having fun with the dramatic moment. A player using their character to make a bad choice doesn't need to be "punished," they just need an appropriate consequence to that action that fits with the setting, game and tone.

I think this mindset can also be applied to this scenario to a degree. Obviously, if the player is simply being a dick and stabbing NPCs willy-nilly to intentionally sabotage other people's fun, that's something best resolved by talking in out-of-game terms, as @txttletale notes. However, if that's something the character might legitimately do and it is not so disruptive that it fundamentally breaks the game, then the next step is to move to the consequences.

After all, historically speaking, stabbing and/or killing someone who was not previously threatening you is frowned upon. If you're in a well-populated area, someone might hear the commission of the crime; they might have family or friends nearby who would hear and naturally come to this person's aid. Depending on the location, the law might get involved and try to capture the player character for committing such an attack. This also isn't to say that doing this isn't without reward - obviously this person might have something valuable on them that the player can now take. Secondarily, D&D and games like it are games that gladly invoke the supernatural, which can lead to a whole other layer of complication even if this attack was done in the practical middle of nowhere to a friendless hermit or something like that. They could rise again as a vengeful ghost or revenant for their unjust murder, or could be an illusionist who faked their death in the middle of the assault, or set a curse on the PC in their dying breath. All of those things - to me, at least - feel like dramatically appropriate responses to assaulting someone with little reason. None of those feel like bait-and-switch answers; they are all things that could happen within the context and tone of a game like D&D, and are things both the player and the character can know about and see happening ahead of time from the actions they take.

I think it is fair to note that a game like D&D does incentivize the use of violence as your hammer with which to nail down the world. It's silly to say, in the context of D&D, that death is something to be avoided when you're going to spend about half of your adventures killing various things and another half rekilling things that by force of magic have gotten up again. It'd be like moralizing about the ethics of industrialization in Factorio. However, I would not say that it is unfair or unreasonable to inflict a dramatically appropriate consequence on the player for using it in a wanton fashion that a player could logically foresee. After all, it's not like they couldn't have possibly known that if they stabbed that guy, he might scream and call for help, because that's what you'd expect someone to do in real life.

(This is also all ignoring the fact that most games of D&D and other TTRPGs have four to five players in total, and that the rest of the characters would probably also have good in-character reason to inflict reasonable consequences against the offending player here. If they are agreeable or neutral to the whole assault thing, they might still distrust them the next time they need to negotiate something out and force them to sit this one out, since they suspect they might fuck it up again. If they're less agreeable, they may protect the stabbed party, or even end up fighting the stabber directly. Again, these don't really feel like punishments for the player to me. They just feel like logical outgrowths of the action for the characters involved.)

every time i see a tweet like this i think “why do you play with people like this”. like why is dnd play culture so bad that this is an Archetypal Type of Guy they all seem to recognise. can you imagine tweeting this about any other hobby?? ‘musicians: what do you do about the guy in your band who screams I HATE MUSIC and tries to eat the drumsticks every rehearsal’

[winterscaptain]

intellectual guesswork.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: another ajf update that requires absolutely no context to enjoy! i love you all so much. send some extra love to your favorite writers this week :)

one quick thing - if you’re on my taglist, please consider dropping a reply or a reblog! i love to see what you all think, and it encourages me to keep going :) it’s also getting a bit long, and i want to make sure my mutuals and people who engage are seeing everything - tumblr sometimes has a hard time with a lot of mentions. 

words: 1.6k warnings: none!

summary: “ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it.” - addison mizner. au!may 2008

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next? edited: january 12th, 2021

You all settle into one row. Aaron’s on the end beside you, looking very sharp in a crisp black suit, his favorite Rolex, and a settled kind of confidence you’ve only seen in him a few times. It’s like he’s in his natural habitat. 

Aaron’s record as a federal prosecutor speaks for itself, of course, but you’ve never seen him in action. As often as they can, the bureau’s leadership sends him in as an expert witness. This time, the case happens to be one of yours. The judge hasn’t required a sequestration for Aaron, so you get the treat of sitting together in the courtroom. 

He’s scoffed and mumbled snide remarks under his breath all morning. You’re just itching to see him get up on the stand and give this joker an education. 

Emily leans over, whispering in your ear. “I promise you’ve never seen anything like this before. Hotch is going to rip this clown to shreds.” 

You stifle a laugh and look over at Aaron. He heard her. Leaning toward you, he murmurs, “All my JD does is collect dust. When I use it, I’d like to enjoy it.” 

“Your Honor, the prosecution would like to call our expert witness, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, to the stand.” 

He takes a breath and rises, buttoning his suit jacket and crossing the courtroom. His presence commands respect and everyone in the courtroom seems to shrink before him. 

The prosecution’s questions go over smoothly, and the defense attorney stands with an unreasonable amount of confidence. 

Emily leans over. “He thinks he can get Hotch with at least one of these questions, and he might. But just watch.” 

You nod, taking everything in. 

“So you’ve stated that it was your profile of the killer that led you and the police to my clients door that night.” 

“Behavioral analysis was a factor in our investigation, yes.” 

Without hesitation, the attorney follows up. “And was behavioral analysis also a factor in the Olympic Park bombings case in Atlanta?” 

“Yes, it was.” Aaron’s eyes and tone never waver, no hint of arrogance or cheek. 

“And was that suspect you identified,” the attorney asks, far too aggressively, “Richard Jewell, ever convicted of the bombings?”

The prosecution objects, and you watch Aaron. Every part of him observes the proceedings with an outwardly detached interest, but his eyes are alive - strategizing and anticipating. It’s like you can see the wheels turning as the lawyers bicker. 

 The judge ends the squabble. “I’ll allow it.”

Aaron, now with permission, answers simply, “No, he was not convicted.”

“Because he was innocent. Your profile led you to the wrong man.” 

Oh, give me a break. It takes everything in you not to scoff and you can feel Emily’s eye roll.

“Jewell was not the perpetrator, but if you look at the real Olympic Park Bomber, Eric Rudolph, you’ll see that our profile was dead-on.” 

Dead-on indeed, Aaron. 

“Well, how about we look at the Baton Rouge Killer? Your unit said that he was white and living in the city. He was Black and from the suburbs.”

Aaron’s eyes narrow and you feel Spencer shift beside you. Emily shakes her head. “Don’t worry,” she whispers. “He always recovers, never in the way you’d expect.” 

“How do you know?”

Emily’s face pulls into a little smile. “I’ve read the transcripts. Hotch is terribly clever.” 

“You said that Dennis Rader, the B.T.K. Killer,” the attorney continues, “was divorced and impotent. He turned out to be married with two kids.” 

JJ huffs, and you hear her whisper to Spencer, “Can we quit with the sermon?” 

His lips turn up. “Just wait.”

Dave leans over and stares them down over Derek. Stop talking. 

All of you look down at your hands like chastised children, but your gaze floats back to Aaron right away. 

The prosecution objects again, this time on the grounds of preaching. The judge forces a question, and the attorney turns back on Aaron.

“Having been wrong on those cases, isn’t it possible that you were wrong about Brian Matloff?” 

“No.” Your chest squeezes. He’s completely firm in his denial. 

How does he do that?

“Fact is,” the attorney continues like Aaron didn’t speak at all, “behavioral analysis is really just intellectual guesswork. You probably couldn’t tell me the color of my socks with any greater accuracy than a carnival psychic.” 

“Objection!” 

Her outburst is unnecessary. Aaron has a plan. His eyes track to you as if to check in. Are you paying attention? 

If you weren’t watching before, you’re certainly watching now. Always. 

“Withdrawn.” 

“Charcoal grey.” His flat assertion makes you gasp and you immediately cover your mouth with your hand to stifle the sound. 

The attorney turns around. “Well, look at that,” he exposes his socks to the court, and they are, in fact, charcoal grey. “He got one right.”

Aaron’s not finished. “You match them to the color of your suit to appear taller. You also wear lifts and you’ve had the soles of your shoes replaced. One might think you’re frugal, but in fact, you’re having financial difficulties.” 

You do your best to school your expression and remove your hand from your mouth. Checking down the row, you see six smirks watching the witness box. 

“You wear a fake Rolex…”

And you’d know. 

“...because you pawned the real one to pay your debts. My guess would be to a bookie.” 

Is he smiling?

“I took this case pro bono.” There’s tension in Mr. Charcoal Grey’s voice. You can hear it behind the false confidence and it pulls a smile from you. “I am one of the most successful criminal attorneys in the state.”

Hotch continues, completely bypassing him. “Your vice is horses.” There’s definitely a little smile on his face now. “Your Blackberry’s been buzzing on the table every twenty minutes, which happens to be the average time between posts from Colonial Downs. You’re getting race results.” Your smile gets wider, and Emily grabs your hand. 

“Just watch.”

“And every time you do, it affects your mood in court, and you’re not having a very good day.” There’s something that looks almost like concern on Aaron’s face, but you know it’s nothing if not facetious. He’s ripping this poor man to shreds without changing a single thing about his presentation.

I love - 

Don’t finish that thought. 

Why not?

Remember how he’s freshly divorced?

I know, but have you seen him?

“That’s because you pick horses the same way you practice law -” 

You lean forward and Emily follows, her thumbnail between her teeth. 

The final blow. 

“- by always taking the long shot.” 

If this was any other setting, you’re sure the entire team would be on their feet, shouting and jeering. But alas, you’re in court, so you settle for a wide smile and a suppressed laugh. Amused brown eyes meet yours from across the room and you shake your head just the tiniest bit. I can’t believe you.

His lips twitch. 

“Well, you spin a very good yarn, Agent, but as usual, you’ve proven nothing.” He’s just trying to recover something, anything left of his dignity. He fails, miserably. 

“If I’m not mistaken,” Aaron says, his eyebrows raised just a little, “the results from the fifth race should be coming through any minute.”

Just then, his Blackberry buzzes on the defense table. “Why don’t you tell us if your luck has changed?”

You raise your hands to your face to cool the rising heat in your cheeks. 

“Your honor, this is - “

The judge takes matters into his own hands. “What do you want me to do? Either show us your Blackberry or cut him loose, counselor.”

Hotch and the defense attorney share a loaded look. It’s a battle of wills. 

Aaron wins. 

“Nothing further.”

+++

When you all leave the courthouse, you practically latch onto Aaron’s arm, completely floored. 

“How did you do that?”

He laughs and Derek jumps up beside him, shaking his shoulders. “Come on, Hotch. That was incredible.” 

“Why have a law degree if you aren’t going to use it?”

+++

He offers you a ride home later that evening and you take him up on it. You’re both still in the car, idling in front of your house. 

“That really was impressive today,” you admit, your eyes on your hands.

You can feel his soft smile rather than see it. “Thanks. I know it didn’t quite go the way we wanted as far as the case itself, but there’s more to come.” 

“It’s never as bad as it looks in the first couple of days.” 

“Exactly.” He sighs. “Thanks again for being there today. It’s…” his lips twist as he thinks, “nice to have the team around.” 

You reach out, squeezing his forearm before immediately letting him go. “Of course. We’ll always be there for you. Plus, there’s nothing better than watching you tear blowhard lawyers to shreds in a court of law.” 

“I’m not sure that’s exactly how it went.” 

“You’re kidding!” You laugh. “That’s just what happened. The man left without half his soul! You absolutely tore it from his body.”

The pair of you quiet, and you move to get out of the car. He stops you with a hand over yours as you unclip your seatbelt. “Really. Thanks for being there today.” 

“I can’t emphasize this enough - it was my pleasure.” 

Enough of a pleasure as it was, his smile in the dark of the car is the best part of your day.  

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @wandaswitxh @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @gublergirls @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @hotchsflower @micaiahmoonheart @ogmilkis @thatreallyis-americas-ass @marvels-agents100 @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @joemazzello-imagines @pinkdiamond1016 @sebbybaby0 @pan-pride-12 @hotchlinebling @lee-rin-ah @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @nohalohoseok @giveusbackourbucky @writerxinthedark @bauslut @yourlovelynewsbian @sparklingkeylimepie @aili28 @kingandrear @reader4027 @spnobsessedmemes @rogers-mouth @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @hotchnersgoddess @buckybau @phoenixfyre374 @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandi-ass-prentiss  @dontkissthewriter @ellyhotchner @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @ahopelessromantic @violentvulgarvolatile @andreasworlsboring101 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @bwbatta @roses-and-grasses @lcvischmitt @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @mandylove1000 @garcia-reid-lovechild  @cevanswhre @colbyskoalas @qvid-pro-qvo @jeor @spencers-hoodrat @infinity1321

[olivieblake]

hi big sister! In big need of advice rn. So, for context I saw an old situationship accidentally in a shop today and I realised I am very much still a mess ( hands shaking voice trembling knees growing week and all that jazz) even though we ended on VERY bad terms. For some reasons I can’t get over this sick obsession with him even if I know he’s the shittiest person. How do I stop idealising him and convincing myself that there was more to us and he told me hurtful words just bc he was in distress. How do I get over an infatuation?

hi little sis! (this is such common sorority vernacular that actually it feels v natural to say, but anyway)

actually no not anyway, I do have some sorority advice that my big sis once gave me! I know it’s on video and in other posts but I’m too lazy to find it so let me just ramble incoherently, beginning with: infatuation happens. there’s no point trying to make it stop. there’s no rhyme or reason to it. hormones?? trash. I think part of it is just knowing you have a weakness for this person and being like okay, I forgive myself for having garbage taste in this one (1) instance. you are a mortal creature and sometimes people will make you weak. it happens, and in my opinion, fighting it only leads to you making excuses about what he actually brings to the table. do not create a situation where you must lie to yourself in order to explain your feelings; that will only deepen your delusion

in terms of actually dealing with it, here’s what I need you to do: make a list of ten things you absolutely must have in a partner. this is not ten ideal qualities. this is ten MUST HAVES. as in, if someone does not meet one of the items on the list, they are immediately stricken from serious consideration, no waffling or excuses. no “well, but—” no. NO. none of that. you write down ten things, such as “returns my text messages” or “initiates conversations that do not end with the expectation of sex” (you MUST be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t handle; which behaviors stress you out, etc., based on your personal experience and NOT the unreasonable expectation that you’re a cool girl with no needs). other possible things: he must make you feel better about yourself and not worse. he must not belittle your hobbies or interests. he must not create situations where you blame yourself or have to figure out what you did wrong. he must not punish you with silence. he must make you feel safe instead of making you feel like you’re navigating an emotional minefield. he must bring you calm or joy. et cetera. I also find that it’s sometimes worth asking yourself how much of your interactions are about his needs vs. about yours; like, if this is a sexual relationship, does he actually take the time to make sure you finish?? in my experience with a sample size of an entire sorority, the answer is almost always no

anyway, make this list, keep it by your bed and read it every night, whether you interact with him or not. I did this literally every day for over a year (until shortly after I met my husband) and you’d be surprised how often it kept me from doing something extremely stupid. even on the occasions where I would still involve myself with the asshat I wrote the list for to begin with, it felt... different. I no longer felt like I needed anything from him, and I was able to gradually detach until the degree of infatuation was less compulsive. so yeah, HOPE THAT HELPS!! it is actual tried and true big sis advice so the patent is pending