#Never felt happier in his life :')
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2023 reads // twitter thread Â
Tears in the Water
NA contemporary slice of life romance about a competitive swimmer with anxiety at a sports university
they start seriously questioning their gender when they make some new friends and start dating a trans volleyball player
queer friend groups, aspec characters
#Tears in the Water#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#trans books#nonbinary books#asexual books#i enjoyed this overall!#a good slice of life with lots of gender feelings#a few nitpicks:#there were a lot of likeâŚ.jumping STRAIGHT into 3 paragraph dialogue about feelings about gender or sexuality or anxiety with no breaks#which like isnât inherently bad I just think there could have been more of a lead up/build a lot of the times to make it feel more like a na#natural conversation#(the occasional word-vomit-monologue is fine but this was like. all the time)#re: the aroace side character; heâs ace and questioning if heâs aro and we mostly see that through the lens of negativity;#or heâs talking about his feelings as if itâs a negative thing to the MC and the MC is like telling him heâs probably aro and itâs valid#I guess there is an important space for aros who donât want to be aro coming to terms with it (and he is happier about it by the end!)#i just donât relate lmao iâve never wanted to be allo. lmao.#i think something felt just slightly off about how it was written and discussed? maybe more the fact that it was through the MCs eyes more t#than anything#and also shoved into one chapter rather than. spaced out a bit idk#(also I donât understand knowing youâre ace but not really knowing anything about being aro? but i guess that is also probably something#people experience irl)#(anyway; not a âthis is bad representationâ criticism just a âcould have been slightly betterâ one)
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Roman's last memory of his parents back when they were still alive were ones of fear, the difference being that this time it was they who were the ones that were afraid and not him. Furious at having caught him sleeping with the company's top model, Mrs. Sionis went to strike Roman, only for him to snap her wrist and send her flying into a nearby bookcase where her head was cut open by a sharp wooden corner. Roman was no longer a small child they could push around without consequences; at 17, he was already far too big for even Mr. Sionis to handle and the fear they showed that night was the push their son needed to know he was ready to kill them. He still remembers the sight of fear in their eyes, how powerful it made him feel. In his opinion, it was the first time they'd ever shown him the slightest damn bit of respect and even today, in his eyes, fear is respect.
#đ || musings#đ || headcanons#child abuse tw#child abuse cw#Mr. and Mrs. Sionis raised their hands to him one too many times oops#Except by that age Roman could demolish the pair of them without effort#The accident when he was born and the rabies bite turned Roman into a powerhouse without even needing to work out#Of course his parents were socialites and not exactly strong but Roman felt like the king of the world putting them in their place#Let himself get chucked out of the family home but he knew they'd never report him assaulting them to the police#If word got out that their child was a freak who'd slept with their top model they'd never hear the end of it#But to Roman their fear was a tool of manipulation#Came back two nights later and burned them and the family mansion down#Never felt happier in his life :')#But YEAH he likes it when people are afraid of him#To Roman fear equals respect#Another reason why he hates Batman the bastard doesn't show any respect#domestic violence tw#domestic violence cw#Just covering all my tags just in case
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#im sorry but what are you meant to do when. without wanting to or meaning to even the slightest bit.#you betray the person you care most about in the whole world and send them into possibly some of the worst heartache they've ever known.#what the FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME????#WHY CANT I JST **NOT** FUCK EVERYTHING UP#I SHOULD NEVBER HAVE BEEN FUCKING BORN EVERYONE WOULD BE SO MUCH HAPPIER IF I HADNT#I KNOW HE WOULD BE. I KNOW MY PARENTS WOULD BE.#i try to think of any good i've done for anyone in my life and just.#maybe i helped him stay alive to this point i don't know. i guess i probably helped him feel happier moving forward in the past.#but i highly doubt that *i* would've been the difference between him being here or not so i guarantee he would be happier.#maybe two of my friends might never have gotten together if i hadn't been born.#is that all my purpose was.#...with my now-ex boyfriend. i felt so strongly the moment i first saw him on tumblr that he was going to be important in my life.#he showed up on my dash venting about his life and i followed and sent an ask to offer some comfort#fucking. Years later we were fucking ENGAGED and I RUINED EVERYTHING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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we as a fandom do not talk nearly enough about the fact that leo went from naming his business after a derogatory word his family called him his entire life to naming his business after the joy and happiness that his daughter brings to his life.
#neighbours#neighbourstv#leo tanaka#there's something to be said about the way leo was when he was still holding onto that name. when he was still holding onto the way his#family treated him and how they made him feel about himself. the way he felt like he could never be a good person because no one#thought he was capable of it - they thought he could only ever be a bad person and as a result he thought that was all he could be too#and so he tied himself and his business to that name for years and it did so much damage to him#but then he had abi and he realised how much he loved her and that he could be a good father and embraced that and it changed him#he was able to let that name go and he established yorokobi to celebrate what abi brought to his life and since then...#he's been so much happier :)
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birthday cake pt. ii
#today i baked a cake.#i've never once done it before but i felt like i knew every step#maybe it's the videos i've watched growing up#or maybe it's muscle memory that i've gained from a distant dream where i've learned how when i was nine years old#watching his eyes beginning to turn hazel as he watched me from the floor with a curious gaze in the sun.#(he looks a little funny; he's wearing a pink bib.)#i frost it with care in his favourite colour#adorned it with his favourite things#i bought him the star-shaped sprinkles that i remember from deep in my dreamt memory where i sat with him and watched him cry about laika.#he's eight and mourns what she could've been#but smiles up at me when i tell him that she could've been nain's dog in another universe#and the halls would be full of photos of her in technicolour as she grew older and older but happier still.#we have cake.#the sprinkles are arranged in constellations.#even in this universe i've come to memorise them all.#(orion. taurus. eridanus. vulpecula.)#i've turned twenty-one months ago#but i've made a birthday cake.#my sister asks why i have rockets and stars on it#but i don't know how to tell her i'm mourning a life that never could've been.#so i tell her about him.#a memory from a distant dream#where i ice rockets and arrange constellations on a cake every year.
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everyone needs to read this right mf now! PLEASE!
try again
part 0.4. NEXT TIME
"the playground seemed so big when they were younger. and now theyâre here again, 10 years later, and it looks small. their world is bigger than just this playset now. the metal that forms the foundation of the structure is still a shiny, vibrant red, but the cracked, faded plastic shows its age. where has time gone? 'who are you now?' she wants to ask. as a kid, time goes by slowly, and you tell your parents you canât wait to grow old. they tell you to enjoy your childhood, but you never believe them. and even now, sheâs not sure she does. she's not old, but old enough to know time goes by fast. since their meeting in her office, sheâs reflected more on how sheâs grown up. she doesnât miss her childhoodâ she likes the freedom that has come with adulthood, but at the same time, itâs slowly weighing her down. sheâs old enough, that she can no longer spend her summers relaxed in a quiet house, laying in bed all day with the door open while both her parents are at work. she can't spend the nights stretched out on her back, against wet, dewy grass, looking at the stars with him while staining her favorite shirt. now she has responsibilities to take care of every day, and any little mistake can no longer be taken back. sheâs an adult now, and no one is there to pick her up when she falls."
content warnings + notes: calling atsumu a little cupid whore (/lh), drinking, y/n is having a crisis, pay attention to unsent messages :) very long written part... oops </3
she downs the last of her glass in one go.Â
itâs cheap whiskey, and she hates the taste. itâs probably the worst sheâs ever had, but the burn down her throat is a little pleasant.Â
completely going against her plan to drink something light, she decided she would need some liquid courage if she was going to do this. her hands are splayed across the cold bar counter as she stands from her chair, mind buzzing a little as she grounds herself.Â
akaashi doesnât notice her absence in his drunken state, but iwaizumi does. kita looks up as well, but remains seated, keeping akaashi company after nodding to iwaizumi who stands up.
âwhere are you going?â he asks following her out of the bar, pushing past a few groups of people in their way. he's not asking it like he's accusing her of anything, he just sounds concerned.
but he doesnât need to worry, and she faces him as they make it out. âgoing to see omi,â she practically sings the answer, her voice careless as the nickname spills out of her mouth before she even realizes it. it comes too naturally to her, and the thought ruins the nice numbness in her veins from the alcohol. instead, she starts to feel the guilt build up again.
iwaizumi still stands in front of her, arms crossed, matching her own stance. âyouâre going to see sakusa?â he repeats, brows raised.
âmhm,â she hums, shifting from one foot to the other. her shoes are starting to bother her, too. she'll probably take them off as soon as iwaizumi lets her go.
âwhere?â
she sighs, starting to feel restless just standing there. the warm lights and ruckus from inside the bar invite her back in, and so does the pull she feels in the opposite direction down the street, where she'll see him. âan old park, can i go?â
âno, hold on,â he stops her before she can even take a step, âyouâre going to go meet a man you havenât talked to in years after a single interaction at a park this late at night?â
âyes?â she quirks a brow at him, âitâs an old park we used to go to a lot. itâs not far from here and i know him. iâll be okay.â
âiâm not saying sakusaâs going to do anything to you, but iâm not letting you walk there alone. especially when youâve been drinking. let me make sure you get there safely and then iâll leave you, deal?â he proposes, and she sees how much he cares in his eyes. theyâre a pretty olive green and despite how sharp they are, thereâs so much love in them. it reminds her of her own eyes, and how she feels when she looks at sakusa; her head starts to panic in alarm and get defensive, but at the same time, her heart slows down, as if telling her he's safe.
she knows iwaizumi makes a good point, and thereâs nothing wrong with having a little extra safety, or a human purse. âfine,â she sighs, âbut only if you hold my shoes.â
their walk to the park is silent, but itâs a peaceful silence. sheâs walking next to him barefoot, feeling even shorter than before. he questions her a few times, to make sure she actually knows where sheâs going, and she insists that she does. sheâs had a little bit to drink, yes, but sheâs not drunk. and she's confident she could still find her way to this park blindfolded. sheâs walked these sidewalks hundreds of times, ran to this park from every direction and route possible. it was always their spot, whether they lay in the wet grass or sat on the playset. the memories of being with him back then make her feel a little grim, and iwaizumi looks down at her, noticing.
âyou okay?â he asks, nudging her shoulder closest to him with his arm.
âyeah,â she sighs, watching the way her shoes clank against each other in his hand with every step they take.
âwhatâre you thinking?â he asks, still looking down at her and she looks back up at him.
âi just donât know what iâm doing,â she says, trying to voice her feelings while she turns to stare back ahead of them. âwhat are we gonna do? what does he like doing now? what if iâve changed and he doesnât like who i am anymore? i'm so scared of disappointing him.â
âyouâre good enough as you are, y/n,â he silences her and she glances back at him in surprise. âdonât let a man change how you see yourself. youâre good as you are, and if he doesnât think so, he can fuck off. there's no such thing as an expectation or a right way for you to act. heâs probably changed too, and thatâs just how people work. did he text you or did you text him?â
she gives him a smile at his words, nudging him back with her shoulder as a way of thanking him, âhe texted me.â
he gives her a grin at that, âhe texted you? asking to see you?â when she nods he continues, "damn that's ballsy. he really wants you, y/n. and i hope he's a good person. iâve seen him around and worked a little bit with him, he seems alright.â Â
she flusters a little bit at his words, âiâm sure itâs not like that. we just used to be very good friends, you know that. iâve never stopped missing him, maybe he felt a little bit of the same way.â
he nods at her words, giving a hum in thought. theyâre walking along the fence thatâs been set up around the park, and she can see the entrance coming up, where a lone lamp post is lighting the way. âbut you want him, donât you?â
she knows heâs asking it in a romantic sense, and she does. she knows what she feels for him is more than just friendly, and sheâs felt stupid for never being able to fall in love with anyone else because sheâs been stuck on him this entire time. âiâm happy with anything,â she decides to say, âif we start hanging out again, thatâs enough for me. i just want him to be a part of my life.â
they stop at the park entrance, and she can see the playset from here, just a bit down the path. âdo you want me to walk you there? or are youâre fine from here? i think the walk helped you sober up a little bit, so i feel better about leaving you here now. just make sure you text me if you feel even slightly off, got it?â
âgot it!â she responds with a smile, giving him a small salute as a joke. âthank you for walking me here, iwa. i'll be fine on my own now and iâll text you when i'm walking home.â
he rolls his eyes at the salute but gives her a smile, âsounds good. iâll check in with you then as well. i might come meet you halfway or who knows, maybe your guy will want to walk you home?â
heâs giving her another shitty grin that sheâd like to slap off his face, and itâs her turn to roll her eyes, âwhatever, iwa. see you in a little bit.â
she pulls him into a hug, trying to tell him all her feelings at once, thanking him for his advice and for walking her here, and heâs quick to reciprocate it, rubbing her back for a second before they pull away. he gives her her shoes and waves her off, making sure she steps onto the playground before he leaves, and she sees him.
tonight, it seems theyâll be sitting on the top of the playset, above a tube that connects one platform to another. she steps up onto one of the platforms first, dropping her shoes on it before clambering on top of the structure.
he offers her a hand after watching her (probably ungraceful) climb which she hesitates to take for a second. her heart feels like it's trying to escape her chest as she takes it, the contact sending chills along her skin.
âhi,â she whispers after she's sat down, stealing a glance at him, unsure of where to start.
âhi,â he says back, already looking at her. he looks better than when she saw him last, but perhaps that's just because today has been better for him. there are still bags under his eyes that she can see despite the lack of light around them, but she can also see that his eyes look brighter today. she wants to mention it, say sheâs glad to see that he looks like he's doing well today, but she shouldnât. itâs too earlyâ
âyou look good today.â
the words spill out of her mouth and she immediately slaps a hand over it. she had drank more after texting him purposefully, knowing that it would mess with her ability to reason and this was the consequence, although she wasn't sure yet if it was a positive or negative one.
he laughs in response, giving her a small smile that she hasnât seen in years. she missed seeing it; she missed him.
âthank you,â he says, holding her gaze and sheâs unable to look away, âyou look good too. although maybe a little drunk.â
her cheeks are burning red and she feels hot despite the fact that she was practically shivering the entire way here, latching onto iwaizumi and his body heat. âno iâ wellâ yes, i have been drinking but i didnât mean it that wayâ i mean you do look goodââ she has to take a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, âi meant you look happier today, sorry.â
heâs still looking at her, smiling. and maybe itâs a tiny bit bigger than it was before, and she smiles back.
she has no idea itâs because of herâthat he seems happier today. heâs only just found her again after so many years apart, and yet heâs glad sheâs in his life again. this is only the second time theyâve seen each other after so long, and sheâs already had this big of an impact on him. and maybe it was due to atsumuâs influence, and the way that he kept bringing her up, and how it had been their entire conversation over dinner, but he didnât really care. he was happy to be talking about her again, and to see her again. they had been so close, and it felt strangely nostalgic whenever he saw her, as if he was a child again, tossing and turning on a bed stand, sick to his stomach for home.
but he had been homesick for her this entire time, and he didnât want to talk about her as if their time together had passed; he wanted to be close to her again. but only if she let him: âthat guy you came here with, are you guysââ
âoh, no no no,â she immediately cuts him off, shaking her head before he gets the wrong idea. âheâs just a friend. my roommates and i went out to dinner today and then we went drinking. he just didnât want me to walk here alone.â
he nods, feeling strangely relieved to hear that. âi just came from eating out with my roommates, too. i cut it short because one of them was being annoying.â
she hums in thought, a smile breaking out on her face, âhm, that canât possibly be atsumu, can it?â
he canât even joke back, just rolls his eyes with a sigh at the mention of his friend.
âi just texted him earlier tonight. finally scolded him for setting up that entire meeting between us. i meanâ who even thinks to do something like that?â
âjust him. heâs got one brain cell working for him and itâs got a funny way of working,â sakusa responds, looking forward to the field in front of them. they used to spin around on that field, trying to stay standing the longest before they both fell onto wet grass, too dizzy to keep standing. âi think it worked out nice, but there were definitely other ways he could have planned that out.â
she canât help but look at him, slightly surprised. so he was happy to see her? perhaps she shouldâve understood that by now; here they were sitting side by side on an old playset. âyeah, it did,â she canât help but say, not even thinking twice about agreeing with him. âand if you donât mind me bringing it up, do you think you will come back for a second meeting? i was just wondering.â
âyeah, iâm thinking about it,â he answers, still not looking at her, and she thinks maybe she shouldnât have asked the question. sheâs brought the topic of conversation back to her job, and reminded herself of everything she shouldnât be doing right now. she shouldnât be doing any of this. sheâs looking forward to seeing him in her office again, but she shouldnât. she should be treating him as a client, not as an old face or a silly old crush. and she shouldnât be seeing him outside of the office; it ruins that professional relationship she should be trying to maintain. she's giving into him too easily, even after he had been the one to accuse her of something hurtful upon their first words to each other in years.
a particularly cold wind blows through and she shivers, breathing in sharply as her shoulders raise towards her ears on instinct, trying to protect them from the cold. in her defense, she hadn't foreseen sitting on a playset in the middle of the night today and had not dressed accordingly.
âare you cold?â he asks, hand already reaching towards the open black jacket he was wearing, a plain white shirt underneath.
sheâs looking at him, face completely blank. her mind is so far gone, thinking about countless other things, including every single way this interaction could go. âwhat was she even doing here? why did she agree to come?â the moment he texted her she put up little to no resistance. she lasted one text, trying to set up a boundary between them to prevent herself from getting hurt and then completely dropped it. how could he be so casual about seeing her again? was their friendship something shallow to him? something he could easily replace or come back to?
heâs saying her name, and her mind returns to the boy in front of her, blinking twice before responding, âsorry. i was just thinking about something. iâm fine. you donât need to give me your jacket or anything.â
âbut if i want to?â he asks and this is where she failed last time, and will fail again, and will always fail, because she can never resist him.
âiââ
the jacket is already around her shoulders before she knows it. itâs warm, and the weight of it on top of her shoulders is comforting. the smell of him is enveloping all of her senses and her entire mind, and she squeezes her eyes shut, trying to focus on anything but it.
it was simple, and really not that heavy or distinctive of a smell. just clean clothesâhis detergent, and maybe a hint of lemon or lavender. it was easy to get used to, and it had become familiar to her after being around him so long in the past, but she hadnât smelled it in so long, she felt like she was suffocating now. with the smell came so many memories associated with him, and it took everything in her not to let out a shaky breath, giving away her emotions.
he didnât know what to say, looking at her. her chin was resting on top of her knees, pulled up close against her chest, and her eyes were closed, brows furrowed as if she was trying desperately to hold something in. had he come off too strongly? he liked to think he still knew her, could read her mind, tell when she was cold, and when she needed something, but maybe he was wrong, or just moving too fast. maybe she didnât feel the same way, and didnât want to be friends again.
âthanks,â she murmurs finally, eyes opening again, although sheâs staring at the ground below them, and heâs unsure of where to lookâat her, or the ground as well.
âyeah,â he replies, and the conversation falls quiet between them again.
itâs almost comfortable between them. it would be if she wasn't feeling like she was ruining everything and only digging herself a bigger hole. maybe they went quiet because he was sick of her now, and regretted asking to see her. and should she even care or not? should she get up and leave right now? what was the right thing to do right now, objectively? not what was right according to her heart, but according to her head?
she should be keeping her distance from him, not allowing him to get closer, giving him the chance to hurt her again. he had let them get distant, she reminded herself. he had let their friendship crumble without saying a word, he didnât see her the way she saw him, and she couldnât rely on him to be there for her.
âhow are you?â he breaks the silence, and the question sets off every nerve in her body. itâs like her mind is being torn in two, trying to find an answer to the simple question. itâs not really that simpleâ heâs asking it, referring to the last 10 years of her life, and heâs asking her to be vulnerable and share about herself, and she canât do that.
âdonât do that to me,â she says, shutting her eyes again.
âdo what?â heâs looking at her, at his jacket draped around her shoulders, and shoves his hands in his pockets, trying to hold himself back from reaching out to fix her hair, which has been slightly caught underneath the jacket.Â
she lets out a heavy, quiet breath, âdonât ask me thatâ like you care.â
âi do care,â he responds immediately, and sheâs sure if she looked up at him, heâd be looking at her. but if she looks at him, sheâll break.
âwe shouldnât be doing this. we canât be doing this. i shouldnât be seeing you outside of my office. i listened to you talk about your struggles for an hour that you would've otherwise paid for if it wasn't the first meeting. you canât turn around and ask how i am for free. thatâs not fair. we should be nothing more than a therapist and a client. itâs easier for me to look at you that way becauseââ her voice gets caught in her throat for a second as she tries to talk confidently, but her voice gives away her feelings. she sounds like sheâs on the verge of tears before they even reach her eyes, but she blinks through them, âbecause i look at you and still see what we used to be. but so much happened between us, and then you left, and that still hurts.â
âthen will you let me make it up to you? then can we go back to what we were before? and can we be more?â the words are heavy in his head, and too forward to say out loud, but he has to say something. he has to say something now because he didnât say anything back then.
he had always assumed that she had just been disappearing from his life altogetherâfrom his notifications, the school hallways, and his walks home, but he realized now she had done that on purpose. she had purposely removed herself from his life so they would never see each other, and he had never stopped her. of course she hadnât believed him, when he had said it was good to see her in her office, and of course she hadnât fully understood what his ulterior motives were when he texted her out of the blue about wanting to see her again, because he had never showed how much he cared back then. but he had to tell her now that she was worth everything.
âi donât mind paying it,â he ends up saying, and finally gets her to look at him, âi donât mind paying to see you for an hour. iâd pay to be around you anyday, especially if youâre going to refuse to see me anywhere else, then iâll just force you to put up with me for an hour every week.â
she laughs with a shake of her head, âyouâre not forcing me to see you. i want to see you outside of that timeâŚi justâi shouldnât.â
âwhy not?â he canât help but ask. âyouâre still friends with atsumu, too. you text him outside of your appointments all the time.â
âyes butââ i like you more than a friend. hell, iâve been in love with you for the past 10 years of my life. actually, probably for even longer, but whoâs even counting at this pointâ she takes a deep breath again. she should leave soon, and think about this. sheâs going to end up letting him convince her if she keeps listening to him, âmaybe next time. iâll tell you how iâve been next time, okay?â
sheâs giving him a next time, and heâll take whatever he can get. they can start slow again. being her client is like being her acquaintance. people are always acquaintances before theyâre friends; they can grow from here.
"when is next time?" he responds quickly, realizing it sounds like sheâs going to stand up and leave soon, but he's not losing sight of her again.
she avoids looking at him, keeping her knees are pulled to her chest as she picks at the worn-down plastic of the playground tube they're sitting on, "i don't know, sakusa. i really need time to think about all of this. i donât know what iâm doing here, or why i showed up tonight.â
her words feel like a burn in his lungs, but even when his sides are aching on his morning runs, he keeps going. "but you showed up anyway."
she finally looks at him, and he swears he could get lost in her eyes forever. he canât believe he went through their entire friendship without telling her how beautiful she was, in every single way. he canât believe he ever let go of her. perhaps that cliche saying was true, that you never know how important something really is until you lose it.
"i did," she echoes, continuing to stare into his own eyes.
"are you going to leave?" he asks, unable to look away.
she looks back down at the threads of green plastic she was pulling at, and his eyes follow. they used to meet at this playset all the time. during the summer, when sheâd sleep over, theyâd stay up until three in the morning, and then sheâd nudge him about sneaking out. he used to worry about what would happen if his parents checked on them and saw that they were gone if they sneaked out, but she always ended up convincing him in the end. they rarely fought or had disagreements. with enough talking, they always managed to persuade the other to agree with them.
âi am. because we both need time to think. you need to think about if youâre going to see me again for therapy and i just need to think. about everything," she replies, and he watches her grab the edge of the tube, steadying herself as she moves to stand before he slides himself off the tube onto the ground below. itâs not that far of a drop for him now, although it was the scariest drop ever as a kid. now he stands eye level with most of the playset, but she's looking at him like it's still that big of a fall, mouth slightly agape in surprise.
âiâll help you down,â he says with a smile and she blinks.
âno, iâm fineââ her words die out as he looks at her, brows raised in expectancy. this is what he meant: they were always able to push the other to do something, no matter how much they tried to resist in the beginning.
she lets out a sigh, trying to buy time as she fixes her skirt, preparing herself to slip off the tube. it really shouldn't be that scary, but she exclaims as she drops, barely registering the hands on the sides of her waist that catch her while her own clamp down on his shoulders.
her face is red as he lowers her down gently to the ground. whether itâs from the embarrassing noise she let out or the fact that he caught her, sheâs not sure. maybe itâs both. even when he lets go of her, she can feel his hands on her still, as if they've been permanently etched into her skin. heâs looking down at her, and thereâs a hint of playfulness in his eyes and the smile on his lips. he's too close to her, and she can't stop looking at his lips so she looks down at the ground instead, clutching at the jacket around her shoulders before she remembers itâs not hers.
âoh, hereâs your jacket back,â she starts, moving to take off the piece of clothing before he stops her with a hand over he own.
âyou can keep it for a little longer if youâ if you let me walk you home,â he says, on the verge of losing all of his confidence, but he just canât let go of her. he doesn't want to watch her leave, but he knows she needs a break.
she looks up at him, feeling like her lips are quivering with how nervous and flustered she feels, âyou donât have to do that, really. i can walk home by myself.â
âbut if i want to?â
itâs a repeat of a conversation they had earlier, because she can never give him a complete no, and he always knows to take that as a yes.
sheâs ruining everything sheâs trying to do for herself right now. sheâs trying to set a boundary between them, and horribly failing. because what if he walks her home, and he happens to live nearby again? what if they start to see each other more often? or worst of all, what if he ends up leaving again?
well what if he doesnât?
oh, whatever.
fuck the what ifs.
they can try again.
.
.
.
"it's gonna rain soon / and pull me back in.
"i had the words / you thought a hundred times
"oh darlin' / will you still walk me back home?'"
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extras <3
not really any extras! i just hope u enjoyed <3 and that this chapter was good and not too long or just a bunch of rambles!! i had like three ideas i had randomly wrote down and then just copied and pasted into this chapter and was trying to make them all fit đ
IWAIZUMI AND Y/N HAVE A PLATONIC SIBLING-TYPE RELATIONSHIP!!! JUST MAKING THAT CLEAR also i'm a sucker for iwaizumi but that's besides the point
omi just kind of got up and left at some point during dinner when atsumu got tipsy and started talking to shoyo and bo. he said goodbye to osamu and then left
they all have each other's locations anyway and shoyo and bokuto trust him to know what he's doing
kita, akaashi, and iwa ended up going home soon after iwa got back from walking y/n to the park and then he and kita stayed up all night waiting for her to come home while akaashi was passed out <3
this fic lowkey goes a little bit off the rails!! but hopefully u guys enjoy it <33
AND I KEEP FORGETTING TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS I'VE KIND OF LOST IT NOW!! but y/n's pfp is a pufferfish because they symbolize protecting yourself and setting boundaries <3 interpret that as u will
taglist: @eggyrocks @wyrcan @guitarstringed-scars @strawberryuri @violetesensou @kakeru-eem @glmge @heytheredemonsss @mollyrolls @bemebiu @daszy @snail-squasher @0moonii @thiisisntlovely @todorokiskitten @rory-cakes @iiwaijime @iatethemochi @yuminako @savemebrazilhinata @kismyscars @bokutoko @nobodybutnnoorr @wolffmaiden @daisy-room @softpia @lees-chaotic-brain @v3nusplanetofluv @crispchocolates @phoenix-eclipses @hhoneyhan @encrypta @rockleeisbaeeee @cr4yolaas @zombriesworld @localgaytrainwreck @moucheslove @hibernatinghamster @notverymarley @certaindreampost @akaakeis @ciderscape @lucien-luna @strawbrinkofdeath @wave2mia @samuel1004 @01trickster10 @dazqa @cosmiicdust @chemiru
#before the rant starts- here's some quotes that really punched me in damn jaw:#"i just want him to be a part of my life.â#âhe has no idea itâs because of herâthat he seems happier todayâ#âbecause she can never resist him.â#âgiving him the chance to hurt her againâ#âbut if she looks at him she'll breakâ#âiâve been in love with you for the past 10 years of my lifeâ#âbut you showed up anyway.â#<<<< that one brought me to tears genuinely#I wish I had a hard copy of this to highlight and annotate and then give back to you to show you just how much I love this#I'm actually in tears typing this bc they genuinely won't stop /pos#(lore drop) this reminds me of me and my husband minus me being hid therapist#we did something similar to this when we first started talking to each other and maybe that's why it's hitting so hard#my and husband and I aren't childhood or hs friends or anything but he's always felt familiar#and that familiarity is SHINING through this and I can't get enough of this#and god iwa and yn's friendship đĽşđĽşđĽş#the fact that kita looked over too and saw that iwa was already handling it đđđ#oh I'm crying#oh dear god sakusa âto be loved is to be seenâ kiyoomi#especially since he knows her so well and can read her đĽşđĽş#this is my everything ness you have no idea how much this fic will be in my heart and soul#and ahh him smelling like lemon >>>> I love it so much fuck I know his jacket was so warm and smelled so mf good#I'm in your dept for this ness seriously I'm about to give mirage the sappiest most romantic ending ever created just for this MASTERPIECE#this is by far my favorite fic I have ever read even beating many books I've read seriously#dodger's ULTRA favs#<< legit made just for this#ness !!!#<3333
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Tie my tie, marry me
Summary: The moment Nanami knew he never wanted to tie his tie by himself ever again and wanted to spend the rest of his life by your side. fluffy, nanami x fem!reader, nanami already loves everything you do but something about tying his tie was so intimate and special to him
It had been a year since Nanami officially asked you to be his girlfriend, but you had just started staying over during the weekdays. If either of you would stay at each other's houses, it would only be during the weekends when you both knew the next day could be dedicated to each other. Only recently had that unspoken rule changed.
You had both gone to the mall to shop for your new professional wardrobe and Nanami asked if he could buy a few extra things for you to keep at his house. You both knew what that implied and told him he could buy it, only if you could buy some stuff for him to keep at your house. You had both never been happier to spend more time and money at a crowded mall.
Nanami woke up a bit later for work than usual because of a power outage that turned off his alarm clock and did not charge his phone. You went into work after he did so you make his coffee and pack his lunch while he took a quick shower. You run into the bathroom to let him know he had less than 15 more minutes.
He steps out of the shower and grabs his razor to shave. You reach for the hairdryer he bought for you to keep at his house and start to dry his hair as he quickly shaves. You run out and start to rummage through his closet to set his clothes on the bed. Nanami finishes shaving and follows you out to get dressed.
"Shirt first, hurry," you take the shirt off the hanger and throw it to him.
Nanami begins to button the shirt when you get in front of him and start pulling his collar up and putting his tie around his neck. He looks at you with a questioning look and you quickly explain, "My dad taught me how to tie a tie. Never thought it'd come in handy since I never knew anyone who regularly wore a tie before you." You laugh at the memory but continue what you were doing to avoid making your boyfriend late.
Nanami however... his fingers stop buttoning his shirt. He looks at you, concentration and rush covering your features, but your fingers gently grazed his skin as you looped his tie. She's the first person to ever tie it for me, Nanami thinks. He had to learn how to do it from a video and was later corrected by some older male coworkers who showed him with their own ties.
The events of that morning finally dawn on him. You jumped out of bed right after you felt him jump out and started rushing around the apartment with him. He hadn't even mentioned that he was late, but you opened your eyes and knew what to do. He could smell the coffee from the room and heard the clanking of the leftover containers being opened and slid across counters from the shower. You dried his hair knowing that his route to work was not long enough to let it dry itself, and you took out exactly what he would have worn that day while he shaved. And now... there you stood before him, helping him tie his tie so his hands could do other things.
It seemed so... small. It was so small, so truly insignificant in the scale of life, something that could not hold weight in the world or change anything in the universe. But it changed his life, it was his favorite view in the world, and it would become his universe.
You look up at him and see him staring... and his hands not moving?! You move his hands away from the buttons and rush to finish buttoning it down. He takes your face in his hands and leans down to kiss you slowly. So very slow and soft. It stops you completely and you wrap your arms around his waist, relishing in the smell of his aftershave and body wash. Nanami deepens the kiss and moves an arm around your waist to pull you in closer. As much as you love when he pulls you in, the movement pulls you out of the kiss trance.
"Oh my god, Kento, hurry!! You're late, you're late!"
You step back and shove his pants into his arms. You tell him to hurry and that you'd grab his shoes to put by the door. You start yelling across the apartment that it would rain the entire afternoon and he needed to take the umbrella.
Nanami listens as you rustle through the closet looking for the umbrella and the light thud of what might have been his lunch bag and coffee thermal on the entryway table. He walks out the room putting on his suit jacket and sees you lightly jumping while telling him to hurry with his shoes.
Nanami leans down to tie his shoes but pauses after he's done. He goes to touch your bare leg since you hadn't even gotten dressed after waking up. You only wore his large shirt and underwear. He kneels and carefully lifts one leg to kiss your knee. He looks up from his kneeling position and says, "Thank you for helping. You really didn't have to."
His loving eyes close slightly while you lean down to give him one kiss as your response. "You're late," you whisper against his lips.
Nanami stands and takes his things while waving bye to you and your bed head. He heads out the door and begins a light jog to catch his regular train.
Yeap, she's the one, Nanami thinks.
Nanami spent his lunch break at the jewelry shop looking at rings that would look beautiful on your finger. There were so many engagement rings that would look gorgeous on you, but one caught his eye as he imagined that ring slightly moving on your finger as you tied his tie.
"I like that one. Do you have a size (your ring size) in stock?"
Nanami buys the ring at that moment and texts you to ask if he could come over to your house after work. He does not plan to propose on a regular Tuesday evening with no special plans, but he wants to hug you, smell your lovely perfume, take you some flowers, and give you a special thanks for helping him. And maybe, maaaayybe (most likely), stay over at your house to help him with his tie again the next morning.
#nanami kento#jjk nanami#jjk nanami kento#nanami#nanami x reader#jjk#jujutsu kaisen nanami#jujutsu kaisen nanami kento#jujutsu nanami#kento nanami#jjk nanami x reader#jjk nanami kento x reader#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento x fem!reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fluff#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff#nanami kento fluff#nanami fluff#nanami jjk#nanamin#jjk nanami kento x fem!reader#nanami x fem!reader#nanami x you#nanami x y/n#jjk x reader#nanamin fluff#nanami kento tie#jjk nanami kento tie
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Bad Boys Don't Buy Flowers
CEO!BuckyBarnes x Female!Florist!Reader AU
read Steve's story here
summary: Bucky would have never thought, heâd be chasing after a girl. Not when all of them usually fell at his feet. But when he finds himself entangled in a deal born out of a desperate argument with his assistant, he realizes there is nothing he wouldn't do for you: The independent florist who is adamantly dragging him to the homeless shelter every chance she gets. There is just one problem: Bucky doesn't know how to tell you. And the teasing from his friends is certainly not making things easier for him...
a/n: I should be working instead of writing long ass billionaire love stores, but here we are: you and me both... happy it happened and already regretting the tasks we neglected because of it (please enjoy this wholesome piece of imagination - I know it's long, but I hope youâll give it a try nonetheless)
word count: 16.4k đŹ
warnings: play boy behavior/talk, a reader that knows what she wants, Bucky falls first (and hard đ¤), mentions of war, injuries, and death (all not applying to Bucky for once), just so much fluff, questioning life choices (angst with happy ending!), smut (this is freaking love making okay?!?!? praise and confessions, dry humping, fingering, multiple orgasms, squirting, touch starved Bucky - in a wayâŚ, sensual and beautiful, protected p in v, cock warming, and aftercare) !MINORS DNI!
ďžâŤ đđđđ đđđđđđđđđđ ・âシďžâśÂ đđđđ
đđ đđđ â§*シďžđ.đđ ・âシďž
"Did you place the order?" Bucky leaned back in Steve's office chair and watched as his friend paced the space with a hand in his pocket.Â
Steve was grinning like an idiot when the answer on the other side satisfied him and Bucky felt a tiny little spark in his chest at the sight. He'd watched his best friend go through life with a default tension in his shoulders for what seemed like forever. All until he found Bambi - a sweet and incredibly clumsy woman who was formerly his maid. But they found each other and Steve had been a happier man ever since.
Bucky was happy for him, too. He was a lot more fun to be around ever since, but it did remind him that Bucky himself had yet to find the one that would make his heart beat faster.Â
It was a ridiculous idea, of course. Bucky was never the one for relationships or long-term commitment in the romantic department. To be honest, he wasn't even sure he was capable of love - not that he needed it, anyway. He had no problem with having a new plaything every other night. It was fun and kept him on his toes.Â
"Perfect. Okay. Thanks, Sharon." Bucky sat up straighter in the chair. "Yeah, next Friday. See you later."
Steve sighed as he slumped on the sofa across the room. He watched the ceiling, looking like a love-drunk schoolboy, even though he tried so hard to conceal it. Bucky knew him too well.
"Dinner is booked.â
âYouâre really doing it huh?"
âYup." There was no doubt in Steveâs answer, but rather a special kind of excitement Bucky rarely felt.
The brunette just nodded as he looked to the ground, the chair swaying as he pushed his knees from one side to the other.Â
Steve just grinned in response. "So when are you gonna let me help you find the one?"
Bucky perked up, amusement seeping through his gaze when he answered his best friend. âMe? No no. Iâm fine."
Steve shrugged. âYou know, thatâs exactly what I said about a year ago."
"No offense, Stevie, but you and I were in vastly different sex universes back then. Iâm getting laid - Iâm aaaaall good." He leaned back with a smug grin and Steve just frowned in response. "You can be as happy as you want but donât start trying to get everyone on the girlfriend train. Thatâs a Rogers and Wilson thing. I donât need that type of commitment."
Steve remained silent as he watched Bucky stand up and head for the door, a thoughtful look on his face when his friend passed him.Â
âLook, Iâm happy for you, truly. I just donât see myself in that type of life.â Buckyâs hand squeezed Steveâs shoulder just as the blonde cocked his head to the side.Â
âNever?â
Bucky winked at him. âYou know I like to live in the present. But speaking of the future... Youâre still up for tomorrow night, right?â
âTomorrow night?"
"Ironbar."
Steveâs eyes widened. âShit. No, I promised Bambi we'd-" Steve stopped when he saw Bucky's eyebrows raise in amusement. â...next time."
Bucky sighed in defeat. "Tell her to leave some Steve time for the rest of us, will ya?" And with a laugh of Steveâs, he shut the office door, walked past Sharonâs desk, then Natashaâs, and then into his own office.
â â â
The clock hand barely struck 8am when another set of files hit Buckyâs desk.Â
Bucky huffed as he watched Natasha stand before him with an amused smile, her hands on her hips that were hugged by a tight pencil skirt. âLooking for something, Boss?â
âNo...â
âSomething like... the invitation to that business dinner on Thursday?â She mused and carefully pulled a piece of paper from the stack between them.Â
Bucky snatched it with a glare. âIt would be much more helpful if you sorted this chaos rather than stand here and be a smartass.â He looked at the invite, the familiar company logo printed in the top right corner. âAnd why are people even sending paper invites anymore? Weâre a security firm,â he sat the paper down and tapped on it with his index finger, âjust shows how desperately they need consulting.âÂ
âDonât blame me for it.â Nat threw her hands in the air. âAnd stop complaining. I know youâre the cyber guy but a couple papers shouldnât faze you. Iâve got more important things to do that donât particularly fall in your area of expertise.â She turned to leave but Bucky stopped her before her heels could reach the threshold.Â
âAre you saying your job is harder than mine?â Bucky watched the mess on his desk, then the computer screen with his calendar and the impending meeting with those jackasses from Hydra Enterprises. There was no way sorting a couple of papers could be worse than Alexander Pierce and his nephew Brock Rumlow. One of them barely knew how to send an E-mail and the other kept subtly asking if it was legal to install cameras in the ladyâs room.Â
âIf youâre referring to your inability to sort a couple files, then yes, I assume you wouldnât last a day with my tasks.âÂ
âNow thatâs bullshit.â
âIs it now?â She raised her left eyebrow with a half-smirk. âI want to see you deal with idiots when scheduling appointments and keeping everyoneâs day structured while also organizing the annual fundraiser.â
Bucky huffed, leaning back and crossing his arms before his chest. He averted his eyes from his assistant and the stupid pile of paperwork in front of him. He really did not want to sort through all of that.Â
âCall me old fashioned but I believe assistants should sort files.â He shrugged, knowing Natasha wouldnât let him off that easily. They had been working together for years, he respected her as much as his other friends. And presenting the fierce redhead with a challenge to get out of some annoying tasks was something he would gladly do.Â
âIâll tell you what. I will sort your papers in my assistant duties.â She made a mockery curtsy - as much as her skirt allowed - and then lifted her finger before the smile could spread on Buckyâs face. âIf... you plan the charity event.â
Bucky was shocked. He didnât expect her to play dirty - well to be fair, it wouldnât be Nat if she werenât teasing a little bit - but still. âYou think you can handle that, boss?âÂ
Bucky closed his mouth and eyed her suspiciously. It couldnât be that hard to do. And certainly would be a nice distraction from the impending meeting of doom as well as the following consulting sessions. He let his head fall back and stared at the ceiling.Â
Was he really going to trade some papers for a whole Gala? That paperwork really sucked. He loved how easily he could wash through files on his computer. Sadly, his programs didnât help much in the analog part of the job.Â
âAre you backing down, Barnes?â Natâs teasing voice rang through to him and he snapped back into his attitude.Â
âNever.â He stood up, fixed his suit, and then reached his hand toward her. Natasha shook it with an evil smirk. âAlways a pleasure doing business with you, Ms. Romanoff.â
And with that, she took the papers from Buckyâs desk and carried them out of his office with a triumphant smile.Â
â â â
It wasnât long before Bucky regretted his decision.Â
What had he been thinking? A Fundraiser... a fucking fundraiser. Bucky couldnât care less about them.Â
Okay, that wasnât true. He deemed charity to be a very important part of society... and economy. There were times in his life when he was close to needing their help as well. And Bucky swore heâd never let that aspect of his story slip from his mind ever. Still, it didnât prevent him from living lavishly and making use of the things he had access to now.Â
Usually, the organization of the charity gala was stuck on Nat and Sharon. Mainly because they had always done an amazing job. The tabloids had only positive things to write about it and always pushed the number before Christmas even higher. Which urged Bucky even more to do just as good of a job this year.Â
There was just one problem.Â
He had no idea how to organize events this size. Bucky could program a software from scratch, hack into classified state files on a bad day. Hell, he could track every personâs phone in New York in his sleep. But he never expected to be overwhelmed by a couple invites and color palettes.Â
Though as little as he knew about his new task, he liked a challenge, and he would most certainly not give Natasha the satisfaction of asking her for a checklist.Â
So, the internet had to do for now. Heâd found a blog by a highly motivated suburban mom, that led with step-by-step instructions on how to plan the perfect event. It might not have been on the scale of what Bucky had to do, but considering his lack of knowledge on the topic, he figured this would do until Natasha snatched the task away from him again.Â
The first thing on the list was to find a date and venue. But since the gala of Shield Protection Services was always held at the same venue, Bucky figured they had booked it indefinitely for the event.Â
Next was to find the perfect florist that âis able to put your vision into extravagant floral arrangementsâ. Yeah... that was another problem.Â
Bucky didnât buy flowers. The only women he deemed important enough in his life to get them were his sister and his mother. And well, both of them had passed away. So, picking the right flowers hadnât been a problem until now. His mother and sister were always enchanted by the bouquets they received when Bucky was younger. Heâd steal them from their neighborâs garden. But since he could grow a beard, Bucky hadnât even touched flowers anymore.
Well, that had to change now.Â
Bucky stepped into the elevator just to be greeted by big round eyes and an even wider smile. âPaying Steve a visit?â Bucky teased with a half smile as he hugged Bambi and then faced the doors.Â
âIâm actually meeting Natasha for lunch,â she shifted from one foot to the other, âI didnât realize she was already at the restaurant... so thatâs where Iâm headed now.â
Bucky chuckled at her slight awkwardness. But it wouldnât be Bambi if she wouldnât miss such a detail.Â
âDo you need a ride? My driverâs waiting for me anyway.â
âTha- yes that would be nice, thank you.â
Bucky just nodded and gestured for her to lead the way when they reached the ground floor.Â
âWhere are you going?â Bambi asked as he stared out the window of the car. They had told the driver where they needed to go. And Since Bucky had no particular destination in mind, it worked out well.Â
âIâm on the hunt for the perfect flower shop to cater to my vision of our charity event.â He chuckled and shook his head at his own words. Heâs never thought heâd say this. Â
Her eyes peered at him with intrigue, a glimmer washing over them when she asked: âAre you taking suggestions?â
Bucky sat up straighter now. âUh, yes. Gladly.â This was easier than he thought.Â
âThere is this wonderful shop in Brooklyn. Itâs called AsGarden on 18th Avenue. You canât miss it, itâs like a breath of fresh air between all those ugly beige buildings. The woman owning it has great taste, she managed to make the perfect bouquet for me without ever seeing me.â She turned forward, a little flustered, âSteve gets me flowers from there sometimes, theyâre my favorite.â
âDid you hear that, Stan?â A victorious smile spread on Buckyâs face as he squeezed Bambiâs shoulder. âNext stop is Brooklyn.â
âAlright, Sir.â
âYou donât know how much easier you just made my life.â Bucky leaned forward and kissed her cheek before the car came to a stop and he bid her goodbye.Â
âIâm glad I could help.â She waved back and then headed into the restaurant.Â
Maybe the event wasnât so difficult after all, Bucky thought as he leaned back in his seat, his legs spreading in satisfaction.
â â â
The cool air snook through your shop when the familiar bell of a customer chimed above the door. Youâd seen many people frequent your shop daily. Women, men, teenagers, elderly. All came from different backgrounds and varying stories in their repertoire. Your store was in the heart of Brooklyn - a bunch of people mixed in this town. And youâd made it your mission to find the perfect flower arrangement for each and every one of them.Â
The man who had set off your little bell this afternoon was different though. A perfectly tailored coat adorned his broad shoulders. The way his hands were tucked in his pockets revealed the expensive-looking suit beneath as well as the toned chest that hid beneath the button-up in vain. His presence oozed money as he sashayed through your shop, carefully grazing delicate pedals with the aura he brought in.Â
He seemed to own the world, but something about him just didnât fit between the colorful flowers surrounding him. If you didnât know any better, he looked a little lost, eyes glassy as they swayed through the sea of colors and shapes soaking in fresh water.Â
âGood afternoon, sir. Can I help you?â
He ripped around, fixed his posture, and approached the cash desk. When his eyes landed on you, he froze. Just for a second, however, and then his jaw snapped into a handsome smile as he leaned forward.Â
âI sure hope so.â His white teeth flashed between his lips before his tongue stroked over them. It was capturing. âThis flower shop has been recommended to me. You wouldnât happen to be the owner?â
âWell actually, I am,â you smiled hiding the pride swelling in your chest from the comment.
âGreat. What is your capacity when it comes to event arrangements?â
âThat depends...â You smiled as the handsome stranger raised his eyebrows in intrigue. âI reckon we have vastly different understandings of what is small and... big.â Your eyes wandered over his expensive coat again. The innuendo was accidental, really, but he seemed to be amused nevertheless.Â
âMy company is hosting its annual charity event in November... at The Glasshouse.â
âSo just as I suspected...â You nodded and strode past him towards the fall flowers.
âPardon me?â
You turned your head towards him and winked. âBigger than I thought.â
âSo?â He approached you with his hands still in his coat pockets and peeked over your shoulder. âCan you do it?â
âTotally.â Then you gestured to the flowers. âDo you have any preferences? I donât have all the flowers in yet, but I recommend going with some soft orange and sage tones... to cater to the season.â
âForgive me, sweetheart, but I am useless when it comes to this kind of stuff. My qualities lie more in the technical aspect of things.â A hand ran through his thick dark hair and the gesture made him look boyish.
âAlright let me rephrase my question then: Do you trust me?â A sly smile sneaked on his face, matching yours.Â
He tipped his head. âMy life is in your hands.âÂ
âGood. Then please write down your details here.â You pushed a form over the counter once you reached it again, and the man just followed you around like a lost dog. You watched as his hand swiftly filled out the free spaces on the paper, curious which company he had been referring to.Â
âWait youâre working for SPS?âÂ
âI own it, sweetheart.â The man adjusted his coat as you tried to look unimpressed. âMy name is James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.â His hand extended over the shiny countertop until it encased your smaller fingers and his warmth seeped through your body.Â
Buckyâs smile brightened when you revealed your name to him, telling you how beautiful it was, and you began to struggle not to show the effects it had on you. Then he resumed filling out the order and slid it over to you again.Â
âWhat cause are you raising money for this year?â You asked as you sorted the paper into your books, only to be surprised when Bucky seemed a little nervous all of a sudden.Â
You knew Shield Protection Services was a pristine company with reach to people whose powers you could barely comprehend. Whatever they were choosing, it would have a big impact on the change their chosen organization was advocating.Â
âWell, to be honest... we havenât decided yet.â A silly idea hushed through your head at that, but you dismissed it. A company such as Buckyâs would raise sums only big fish could handle. There wasnât space for the things you had in mind.Â
âI hope youâll do so soon, then.â You nodded thoughtfully and ended with a tight-lipped smile.Â
Bucky nodded and smiled, then turned around and headed for the door. But before he could open it, he came back again. You looked up to see a black card held before you.Â
âIâd be happy for suggestions... if you have any in mind.â He shrugged with that cheeky look of his and then left. And you just stood there, dumbfounded, and toying with the ridiculous idea that Bucky Barnes might actually be able to read minds.Â
â â â
âRogers really couldnât make it?â Tony asked as he leaned back in the leather booth of his very own establishment. He tipped his emptied whiskey glass towards the slender redhead at the bar and smiled as she rushed to get his refill ready.Â
âHe promised Bambi to be home...â Bucky trailed off as he watched a customer hit on the waitress - Tiffany he remembered - A pretty thing, but unfortunately incredibly hollow when it came to conversation... not that Bucky looked for anything like it. Â
Tony huffed. âThat woman has him wrapped around her finger!â He liked Bambi, everyone did, he just missed hanging out with his guys.Â
âJust wait until you find the one, Tony,â Sam chimed in with a sly smirk on his face - a hopeful, yet cautious hint as Sam secretly loved the idea of all his friends finally finding the one. He was a romantic, Bucky knew it, even if Sam never actually said it.Â
âMe? I would never give up my glorious bachelor life for one woman. There are way too many things to explore...â
âMark my words, Stark. Weâll look back to this day and laugh about this incredibly jackassy statement. You, too will be finding the one. I just know it.â
Bucky chuckled and tipped his glass on the Table as the bickering of his friends faded into background noise. For some reason, he didnât feel like adding to the conversation. He blamed it on the banality of a conversation both he and Tony had long decided on, but perhaps, it was because for once in his life, he considered taking Samâs side on the topic.Â
It was ridiculous, really, how fast youâd occupied his mind when it came to Samâs comment about finding âthe oneâ. He didnât even know you aside from the âbackground checkâ he conducted after his visit to your shop. That might have covered your personal details, but he still didnât know if you were a dog person or preferred cats, or if you were vegan or vegetarian, or if you considered kids in your future.Â
Bucky cleared his throat and sat up straighter when he felt the fluster creep up his neck. What the hell was happening to him? He wasnât like this at all. Women occupied his mind for about as long as it took for him to make them come undone in his hands. When he was with them, his full attention was on them - he loved them - but heâd never let them control his life. James âBuckyâ Barnes never even considered seeing them twice, let alone thinking about a future with them.Â
Though, to Buckyâs displeasure - or pleasure (he hadnât decided yet) - the thought of seeing you again wasnât uncomfortable to him. On the contrary, he got a weird tingly feeling in his stomach when he remembered the smell of the flowers in your shop and how your delicate fingers carefully picked out the prettiest ones. Bucky sat his drink down with a clink. Maybe heâd had enough alcohol for tonight.
âBarnes, how come youâre not defending me here? Have you grown soft or something? Do you have a girl we donât know about?â Tonyâs nagging broke through to Bucky and the whole bar reached back into his consciousness.
âSorry, what?â He stuttered, shaking his thought and trying to find a good answer to his friendâs remark. âI was distracted by Betty.â Bucky smiled sheepishly as he received a clap on his shoulder.Â
âThatâs my man.â Tony grinned and Sam huffed into his whiskey. And Bucky? He just sunk into his seat, feeling somehow shameful for the white lie he had made up.
â â â
The SPS office was impressive. Amongst the old New York brick building surrounding it, it reached up into the sky with its glass front everything. But you wouldnât be fooled by its fragile looks. This was one of the most secure buildings in the city. Youâd read about it in an article some time back - the whole hype about the company was their way of making fragile-looking things indestructible. You couldnât see through the âwindowsâ from the outside. And you wouldnât be able to launch a rocket through it either. SPS had patented their stronger-than-steel-glass years ago, making them the leading security company in the world.Â
To say you had been a little surprised to see the very owner of said company on your side of town would be an understatement. But besides his incredibly adamant way of flirting, he was quite normal to talk to. Heâd even asked you for advice on the cause they should donate to this year. And after having thought about it for the better part of what should have been your sleep time, you had decided to just try and pitch your idea.Â
âDo you have an appointment Ms.?â A stunning redhead peered up at you from her desk, her nails clicked on the keyboard of her computer as she waited for your answer. You didnât really know why you thought getting to Bucky was going to be easy. The security guard had already eyed you suspiciously at the front desk in the lobby. After youâd smiled at him as charmingly as you could, heâd decided to let you be someone elseâs problem today - or maybe he just didnât see you as a threat - whatever it was, it had gotten you this far. But what were you gonna say now?
Actually, I donât have an appointment, but Mr Barnes met me yesterday and after thinking about him all night, I decided to pay him a visit today.
Yeah, that wouldnât cut it. Not in this office. The redhead - N. Romanoff - was what her sign said, made that fairly clear with the way her lips pursed at the opened calendar on the screen.Â
âYou donât happen to have to discuss something not suited for work with Mr. Barnes, do you? I know he tends to leave some of his meetings... open-ended.âÂ
Your eyes got wide. âGod, no. Iâm not-â Your hands made a swishing motion between you two and then you took a breath. âIâm here to discuss business. Purely business. Mr. Barnes has made an order at my shop for the company fundraiser and I just want to discuss some details.âÂ
Her eyes glimmered when her lips pulled into a smile. âDid he now?â She peered over to catch the look of the blonde assistant a few feet next to her and then back to you. âWell if that is the case, please have a seat, Iâll tell him youâre here.â And with that, she got up, winked, and wrapped at the large wooden door presumably leading to Buckyâs office.Â
She came back a minute later and gestured for you to enter. âLucky for you, his meeting just got canceled, so you should have enough time.â
âThank you.â And then Ms. Romanoff went back to her desk and started whispering to the blonde assistant.Â
Bucky sat behind his desk, a sleek glass surface lightly cluttered with papers. Other than that, the room felt cool, the large rug by the seating area did little to cover the marbled floors. You stepped inside just as Bucky called out your name. You almost didn't see the wide smile on his face as the rising sun hung low on the horizon behind him, casting a halo-like glow around his silhouette. What a freaking entrance. Though Bucky surely couldnât control the sun, you thought with a small smile, you really had to stop imagining this man was extraordinary.Â
âYouâre here.â He got up and walked towards you, his sleek back shoes echoing on the ground. And then he was next to you, leading you to the seat in front of his desk with his hand on the small of your back. âWhat brings me the honor of your visit, darling.â
He leaned on his desk with his arms crossed, a pleasant smile on his lips. âDonât get me wrong, itâs nice that you came by, but you do have my number, donât you?â
âI do.â You cleared your throat, trying to sound as convincing as possible. âI was hoping you had some time to spare, actually. I find the phone to be a little... impersonal.â
Buckyâs eyes shined with intrigue as he leaned forward, pinning you to the chair with his gaze. He licked his lips. âShow me what exactly?â
âYouâll see.â You smirked. âI happen to know that your next meeting just got canceled.â
Bucky got even closer, his breath hitting your neck with every word he spoke. âAnd Iâll gladly cancel the rest, too.â A shiver shot over your arms, his cologne seemingly intoxicating you. But before you could respond, he backed up, grabbing his coat and gesturing towards the door. âLead the way.âÂ
And so you did.Â
â â â
Bucky was suspicious when you pulled him into the subway, but he decided against saying something. He had told you he trusted you after all, and though Bucky considered himself a lot of things, a flake was not one of them. So he let it happen.Â
It wasnât half bad, either. Somewhere between his office door and the train, you had taken his hand in yours to pull him along faster. Bucky had noticed his lips spreading into a smile. It didn't last long, unfortunately. Because as he had made eye contact with an elderly lady who had then proceeded to tell you what a beautiful couple you were, you had pulled your hand away with an awkward laugh.Â
âOh, God, no, weâre not together, maâam.âÂ
Admittedly, Bucky felt a little sting in his chest ever since. In fact, he was rubbing his hand over his shirt at this very moment. You were walking along a street in Brooklyn, not too far from your shop. The neighborhood was a little more run-down than he was used to, certainly nothing like the part of town he lived in. But he kept quiet still. Maybe he was a little butthurt from your earlier aversion about the couple comment, but to be fair, Bucky wasnât used to women denying him - except Nat.Â
You suddenly stopped, making Bucky almost run into you and then stare at you in question. But when you gestured towards the sign above the two-story building, his gaze softened.Â
There, above the blue-painted metal doors, hung a faded sign. Bucky could make out the orange and yellow stripes on the board, a big Sunflower painted in the middle of it all. âSunflower -Shelter & Foodâ.
âHey, are you coming or are you glued to the ground?â Your voice rang from the entrance, he hadnât even noticed that you already moved inside.Â
Bucky gulped when his eyes swayed back to you and then down his own body. If he was going to step in there in the outfit he was currently wearing, he would look like the biggest asshole on the planet.Â
âI canât go in there.â
âWhy not?â
He just gestured towards his clothes, his Rolex glinting in the sunlight for good measure. But there was no reaction from you. You stood in the doorway, pursing your lips seemingly in thought, and then shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly. âI guess youâll just have to deal with it then.â
âWhat?â He called your name. But when he realized you werenât joking, he caught up to you as fast as possible. Because the only thing worse than showing up there looking like he did was doing it alone, he decided swiftly.Â
ââThink now might be a good time to mention that this is not a very good place for a date,â Bucky mumbled next to you before closing his coat, trying to hide the even more expensive suit beneath.Â
âHow would you know?â You turned to him. âThis isnât a date, is it?â
Bucky just smirked and then he watched you greet a young boy with a warm hug, and man he imagined what it would be like to have you hug him like that.Â
âPeter this is Bucky, Bucky, Peter.â You pulled him towards you by his hand again. âI brought him along to help today, thought we always need an extra pair of hands around here.â
âPleasure to meet you, sir.â Peter reached his hand out, slightly frowning when he took in his appearance but did not say anything. âAny help is always welcome here. Come, Iâll show you what weâre doing today.âÂ
Within ten minutes, Bucky had an apron and gloves on and was ordered to cut the biggest stack of potatoes heâd ever seen. You were happily chatting away with the other helpers and Bucky, for the first time in a long time, felt ...normal.Â
Nobody was recognizing him in the crowd, there was no talk about business and investments, and there were no fucking cameras. Here, people recognized him for what he came to do, help. And it felt weird. Bucky wasnât quiet about his lavish lifestyle around his crowds. He knew the privilege he had, and he had worked for it enough to be proud of it. But it was like he had entered a different universe in this part of town. All the things he deemed normal, were things so far from imagination here, they were left out of conversations entirely. So, he tried to remember this whenever he was offered a conversation.Â
âYou do this every day?â He asked into the kitchen while struggling to peel his 5th potato.Â
âWhenever we can.â An older woman answered with a smile. She was the one who had shown him how to use the peeler faster. âThey are people just like you and me. They have to eat every day, too, Bucky.â
Bucky just nodded in silence at the humbling answer, his cheeks felt hot with embarrassment at how naive he had been.Â
Two hours later, he was standing by your side at the serving station, plating mashed potatoes and the accommodating âyouâre welcomeâ every once in a while. He rarely was out of his comfort zone, like today. But he also knew that, whenever he felt unsure, heâd look at you and youâd gift him an encouraging gesture that kept him going a little while longer.Â
After everyone had their food, you gave Bucky a tour of the premises.Â
There was a small courtyard, a couple rooms with telephones and a computer, some sofas and pillows. Nothing fancy but functional nonetheless. You led him through every room, explaining curtly what it was for and then you led him up the stairs.
On your way up, you passed Peter, who was helping a child find its toy and Bucky felt a lump form in his throat at all the new impressions he was fed today.
He cleared his throat. âPeter... is he?â
You shook your head. âNot exactly. His parents died when he was quite young. Lucky for him, though, he has always been a bright kid. He got a scholarship for every school he ever went to. But he spends most of his free time here. He has this urge to help wherever he can. Took me a couple months to keep him from skipping his lectures.â You chuckled and led him through the next door.Â
Bucky nodded with adoration. Not many people dedicated their time to something that would not benefit them directly. And while Bucky knew what a dedicated mind was capable of, he had to admit that his efforts were always motivated by personal gain.Â
âHeâs very admirable for that.âÂ
You just hummed in response. âI donât think he chose it himself. Not that I think he wouldnât. But this shelter belonged to his uncle and aunt. They died when he was in high school. Heâs working hard to keep this place alive. As do we all.â
The next room you entered was resembling a classroom. âWhat happens here?â
âMost of the children are registered for the public school of this district. But they donât always make it there. This room gives them the opportunity to catch up on missed work. We also have adult classes here, preparing for job interviews and such.â
The next hallway presented doors, all leading to bedrooms, as you explained to Bucky when you walked through the corridor. The last door was larger than the others - a double swing leading to a big sanitary area. Showers, toilets, and sinks lined the walls - all run down but functional.Â
âThis place could use some serious renovating,â Bucky mumbled, but he was sure you had heard him. Because you looked up at him now, a sad smile decorating your beautiful face.Â
âWe try to make it as clean and cozy as possible here, but we just donât have the necessary financial means for it. It works for now. The people coming here need very little. But itâs only a matter of time until the roof needs redoing or the pipes or the windows, or the-â
âYeah...â Bucky trailed off, making you stop and giving him a break to breathe. He usually wasnât surrounded by people unable to get out of unfortunate situations. The clients he spent his time with ordered his services to protect the material things theyâd bought for status and fun. It was something entirely different when you were robbed of your place to sleep.Â
âWell, this completes my humble tour.â You clasped your hands together and proceeded to look at your watch. âI think itâs time to go home.â
You descended the stairs in silence, Peter hugged Bucky goodbye and when he stepped foot back on the sidewalk, Bucky turned around to the sign once more. You stood beneath it, leaning against the doorframe and smiling at him. It was dark out now.Â
âAre you not coming?â He asked watching as you shook your head.Â
âPeter has an exam tomorrow. I offered to stay the night.â
âHere? Alone?â
âYes.âÂ
Bucky stepped towards you again. âThen Iâm go-â
âStop.â Your hand reached for his shoulder, the touch sending him straight back to a haze. âDonât do this. I know how you feel. Thereâs this sadness inside you now. You saw this for the first time. It feels awful - I know.â You retracted your hand and pushed yourself off the doorframe. âBut until you donât see anything other than pity for these people, you canât be here without breaking.â
âDoll...â
âBucky, I'm serious. Go home. Sleep on it. Try to understand the situation.âÂ
Bucky couldnât remember the last time heâd felt this helpless. He just stared at you, unable to move or say anything. He didnât like the idea of you staying here alone at night. And though the feeling of caring for someone heâd only known for two days so much scared him, he pushed it aside.Â
You leaned forward and hugged him goodbye and then the cold night surrounded him again. âThank you for trusting me today.â And then you turned around and left him standing outside alone.Â
â â â
Your purple-inked pen marked the date in your calendar.Â
âThatâs an unusually big order, Steve...â You looked up at the blonde frequenting your shop every so often. Heâd always get the pink carnations for his girlfriend. Apparently, she loved them after you bound them in the first bouquet you ever sold to Steve. He was a simple man, you could tell, so his usual orders were just as such. But not today. âAre you planning anything special?â
The handsome customer blushed with an innocent smile. âActually...â He scratched the back of his neck. âIâm planning to propose.â He looked so sheepish when you clasped your hands in excitement.
âOh, thatâs amazing. Congratulations!â
âWell not yet.â He cleared his throat, visibly trying to compose himself. But this giant pretty man in front of you was adorably nervous.Â
âI just know sheâll say yes,â you mused and made a note to reserve some more carnations for his order - a couple simple arrangements that held so much meaning.
âHow do you know?â
You watched Steve peer over to you with hopeful eyes. âItâs not every day a man puts so much effort and thought into what bouquet to get his girlfriend on a casual Monday evening each week.â You winked and Steve nodded lost in thought.Â
âTo be honest, I havenât even thought about her saying no. I wouldnât know what to do with myself.â
âYou shouldnât worry too much. You are a good man, everyone can see that. And just to be sure, Iâll make the most perfect flowers ever. Paired with your charming ways, there will be no other option but to say yes.â
He relaxed a little. âGreat. Thank you.â And then he turned to leave your shop.Â
âIâll have them ready by Friday.â You smiled.Â
âThank you... so much.â Steve smiled and you knew there was so much more hidden in his gesture.
â â â
It had become a habit that Bucky visited the shelter with you once a week. Admittedly, you were surprised he even cared enough to free his schedule so religiously. But as of the past four weeks, he had shown up at your shop, walked with you to Sunflower shelters, mingled with the people, and then even walked you home.Â
It was actually kind of refreshing, seeing him so invested and kind of protective. There werenât many guys in the city that cared enough to get you home safely. Peter offered more times than often, but you rather knew him safe at the shelter than try to fight a gangster double his size out of the kindness of his heart and the deep wish to somehow become a superhero one day.
So Bucky had to do it for now. Not that you were complaining. He was handsome and charming and interesting to converse with given the vastly different lives you lived. But he tried to adapt. Ever since the incident on the first day, he had even tried to wear less wealth-telling clothing, though he seemed to not always hit the mark just right.Â
In a way, bucky was a little fashion icon. Youâd noticed it in his colorful waistcoats, the intricate details on his shoes, or the fancy cufflinks adorning his oxford-cotton shirts. He tried to dress down. But to your surprise, the color remained. Instead of waistcoats and dress shirts, he wore regular t-shirts. His confidence never wavered. Â
A little smile hushed across your face every time you looked at him. The pink shirt he wore combined with the green apron he had been given, made him look like a lollipop. A Beautiful one, that was. With a dashing smile and an adorable frown as he tried to separate the peas from the pod.Â
âSo... how is the gala coming along?â You teased him a little having noticed how unusual this task was for him. Throughout your few meetings, you had gotten to know Bucky quite well. And apart from his statement the very day he stepped foot into your shop, he revealed to you more and more how difficult the project was for him.
âLetâs just say Iâm glad I can count on the flower arrangements,â he grumbles as a pea slipped from his fingers and across the table.Â
âThat bad, huh?â
His hands stopped working. âThe Band canceled on me again and I seem to run after every other arrangement I have made so far. If I had known how much work-â he huffed and then shook his head with an even deeper frown.Â
âHey, itâs okay to not be good at everything.â You encouraged him, your elbow nudging his side as you smiled lightly. âThere has got to be something humbling you. Makes you seem more human.â
âGee, thanks.â
âI meant to ask you...â You picked up your task to avoid his eyes that were suddenly on you again. âHow come youâre the one organizing the gala?â
Bucky chuckled, his head shaking for what seemed like the hundredth time today. âI made a deal with my assistant.âÂ
âWhat was in it for you?â You threw a couple peas in the strainer and Bucky did the same.
He shrugged. âI got to hand off some paperwork.â
Wow. âSeriously? A bit of paperwork seems like a poor trade for months of organizing something so important.â
Bucky laughed, the sound warming your stomach from the inside out and finally making you look at him again. It was little moments like this in which he felt so careless and relaxed. You liked to believe the shelter did it to him, or maybe even you. But primarily, you were glad he laid off his work self just then. âYeah it might have not been my smartest move... but I donât mind it really.â
âWhyâs that?â Your eyes locked and you suddenly became very aware of how close the two of you were standing.Â
âIf it werenât for the deal, I would have never met you.â There was something so honest and pure about the way he had stated this so plainly. And for a moment, you liked to forget that he might have just meant your suggestion to donate to Sunflower. That maybe, the funny fluttery feeling in your stomach wasnât one-sided, and that you too meant something greater to him than the coincidences that led him into your shop that day.Â
A wide smile spread on Buckyâs face and then he winked. He freaking winked at you. And while you turned back to your peas, desperate to hide the fluster on your face, you had to remind yourself that this was Bucky fucking Barnes and that he knew what he was doing.
About two hours later, you sat amongst the people currently living at the shelter, sharing the meal you had prepared for them with the hopes of getting them through another day. You and Bucky were sitting with Gabe Jones, a veteran whose post-traumatic stress disorder had cost him everything after the Vietnam War. He was always telling stories of his time on the front - a way to cope with his horrible past. By now, you and Peter had probably heard every single one of his stories twice. But Bucky was on the edge of his seat. Listening with intrigue as the food on his plate remained untouched.Â
âIt was â68 when I was sent out. There were soldiers who done already survived a year or so at the front. And, son, I am sayinâ survived âcause you couldnât call that livinâ.â Gabe shook his head before pointing his fork to his shoulder. âCaught a grenade in â69 and on our way to camp, they shot at the helicopter. Lost my right arm and comrade that day. The damn armâs gone but Iâm gonâ have the memory forever.â
The words didnât seem to affect the veteran anymore, but they never failed to leave their recipients shocked and wondering. It was always the same question: How can someone fight for a country, leave their life for a country, and end up here?
And honestly? You didnât know.Â
âIâm so sorry, sir.â Bucky swallowed as his eyes fled over to yours. âThank you for your service.â
âNotinâ to be sorry âbout.â Gabe waved his hand and then pointed at Buckyâs plate. âYou eatinâ that?âÂ
Bucky just shook his head and pushed his plate towards Gabe, a somber state overtaking his body. You did feel a little bad. But you also knew that Gabe wasnât affected by sympathies and that he was happy at Sunflower - though he preferred the street over the beds here. While he had spent just another day existing, he had simultaneously opened Buckyâs eyes to the severity of making stories like his more known.Â
By now you were pretty confident, Bucky would choose the homeless as recipients for his companyâs fundraiser sum. But he surprised you by getting involved with the people here over and over again, willing to learn and to understand.Â
The walk to your apartment building that evening was awfully quiet. Bucky had insisted he walk on the street side of the sidewalk, buried his hands in his coat pockets, and shut up ever since.
You knew he was contemplating, letting the day play on repeat in his mind. He probably had a lot of questions, a lot of frustration, and worry. Nothing unfamiliar to you, but something youâd learned to deal with ever since helping out at Sunflower.Â
âDonât feel bad,â you said when you stopped in front of the familiar brick building you called home.Â
âHow?â
âFeeling bad isnât helping them. You have the power to change things.â It was an awfully dry response, but the truth hurt sometimes.Â
Bucky just looked at you through hooded eyes, a knowing nod shaking his features as he watched slowly take a step back toward your front door.Â
âThank you,â he suddenly released - steady and calm. âFor taking me. For helping me see...âÂ
You couldnât help yourself. The confession overwhelmed you. Knowing you had succeeded in showing him what was so important to you overwhelmed you. You leaped forward and slung your arms around him, pressing tightly into his chest.Â
Buckyâs arms found their way around you in an instant, the hug conveying so much more than just a goodbye. It was a âthank youâ a âthis means the world to meâ.
After about a minute, you leaned up to him and placed a kiss to his cheek. âIâm also glad you took the deal, Bucky.â You whispered into his ear, feeling the smile on his face on your cheek.Â
When he finally released you, it seemed like the spell was gone. Bucky was back to burying his hands in his pockets, only the faint remnants of a smile hinting towards your earlier interaction. You hadnât realized how much this would affect him. You had forgotten how long you fought with yourself until you could act normal around the people at Sunflower yourself.Â
âDo you want to come up?â You threw your thumb over your shoulder at the entrance of the building with a lopsided smile. âDonât want that cheap bottle of merlot to go bad.â
Buckyâs eyes brightened underneath the street lights and the wide boyish grin returned to his face. âWe canât have that, can we?â
â â â
To say Buckyâs heart had skipped a beat at your invitation would have been an understatement. It did somersaults and ended with an impressive backflip. Heâd not expected a move from your side. Especially, since the last time he had picked you up, the universe had flipped him the bird by sending two of his former one-night-stands your way. He had been able to shake them off before they were able to yell at him or reveal more of what their connection to him was. But that marked the first time he was a little embarrassed by his late endeavors. You had acted like nothing happened, but since that night, Bucky hadnât stopped wondering what you thought of him.Â
You lead him up the narrow staircase to a red wooden door, the color chipping by the floor as an indicator of having to kick it to open sometimes. Beyond the door, it was cozy and warm. Every corner of your place had a memory placed in it - a self-made quilt or a photograph. When you walked through it, Bucky could feel the love and time this place had seen.Â
It was nothing like his own apartment: a penthouse standing high above the city, with sleek black surfaces and cold marble wherever you reached. Here, he felt the need to take his shoes off, to feel the fuzzy carpets on the scratched-up wooden floors. Your place wasnât sterile like his, it felt... like a good hug.Â
Bucky snorted as the result of a breath he released. Never before had he cared about what his place lacked. It was expensive and pristine, clean and big. And even though your apartment was about the size of his living room, it had so much more to offer.Â
âThe living room is right through there, you can choose a movie if you like.â Your voice called out from somewhere Bucky assumed to be the kitchen as he kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable on the rust-colored sofa that had more pillows than necessary. It was super comfortable, though. And the lack of space due to the pillows forced you to sit a little closer to him, so he wasnât complaining.
âYour place is... cute.â He stated as you handed him a glass of wine and laughed.Â
âItâs a shoebox but I do love it very much. Probably nothing compared to what youâre used to.â
Bucky shook his head and took a sip. The wine did taste cheap, but he did not care. âBigger isnât always better.â His arm was spread on the backrest but your whole body was turned to him. âIt has a lot of character.â
âOh god, please stop, youâre just making it sound worse.â Your hand came up to hide your face but your smile peeked through the gesture.Â
Bucky laughed. âI didnât mean it condescendingly. I really do like it. Reminds me of my childhood home.â
âAre you close with your family?â Bucky was surprised by the question. Maybe it was because his friends never talked about his family, or because the peers he hung out with tended to discuss business rather than sentimental. But he realized that nobody had asked him about it for a long time.
And so he began talking. Bucky talked about his parents and how both of them died early in his life. He told you how close he was with his sister until she got adopted into another family. He spoke about his childhood with Steve and how theyâd met Sam and Tony in college, about the night they had the idea for Shield Protective Services, and finally the day he was told his sister had passed away.Â
Throughout his story, you had leaned into him closer, hanging onto his every word until your hand had to support your body on his thigh and Bucky suddenly stopped talking.Â
Your glasses were emptied, the bottle as well, and Bucky gulped when he felt the heat from your hand travel throughout his entire body.Â
âSo... thatâs my story.â He had to clear his throat to gain his usual timber back, his hands becoming sweaty when you blinked next to him. âWhat about you, dove?â
âDove?â You smiled, yet intrigued by the name that had slipped past his lips in the trance of the moment. Heâd only ever called you that in his thoughts. Attributed the nickname to you the second he realized it was the most fitting one of them all.Â
âYou donât like it?â He asked, his arm slipping towards your shoulder ever so slightly.Â
âI like it.â You smiled. âI just want to know... why this one?â
A hush of giddiness crawled up his throat when he thought about his answer. It was the way you had welcomed him so easily into this world of yours. How you were willing to show him the things precious to you. That you trusted him with this very opportunity to help. Every day he spent with you he felt it, found that between coding his new security program and meeting with Hydra enterprises, its somber reality sent him into a feeling of breathing fresh air. You created a button that turned off the noise in his head. âBecause you bring me peace.â
Your eyes stared at him in wonder when he tilted your chin with his thumb and index finger. There was appreciation and happiness, he could see it, feel it.Â
Bucky was entranced by your stare when your voice whispered a response to him: âThatâs the sweetest thing Iâve ever been told.â
You leaned forward and Buckyâs heart threatened to jump out of his chest, and then your face fell into his chest, your arms encasing him in the warmest hug heâd ever received. He willed his pulse to slow and wrapped his arms around you tightly. A little humbled and a little confused, but appreciative of the situation nonetheless.Â
You stayed like this when you chose a movie to watch. Even after an hour, Buckyâs grip didnât loosen. He peered down at you on his chest and watched as you fell asleep. And when he was sure you were far away in your slumber, he pressed a warm kiss to your head, lingering in the scent of your shampoo. Â
â â â
Bucky stared at his computer screen as the pen in his hand clicked on his glass desk in perfect rhythm. The Shelter website displayed on the surface, portraying a brighter version of the sign you had dragged him to that very first day.Â
But it wasnât the heartfelt story behind the building or the way his pen clicked slightly more hollow every other tap because he turned it too much that had him zoned out at work. It was - as unbelievable as it sounded - a woman. Not just any, no. You.Â
âHey, I need a signature from you for this design draft.â Steve dropped his notepad on the desk, then rounded it and settled behind Bucky who had yet to recognize his presence.Â
âThis your charity suggestion?â He questioned with his hands on his friendâs office chair.Â
Bucky nodded absentmindedly. Perhaps it was because he had decided to support your suggestion the second you had taken his hand on his way to the subway. Or maybe he was just letting his mind roam freely again. Mainly because it was a safe bet to call you into memory and he liked the feeling it provided.Â
A pale hand waved in front of his face. âEarth to Bucky.â Steve snapped his fingers, making the brunette jump. âYou seem oddly distracted.â
He had been thinking about you. Of course, he had. There seemed to be nothing else he could do lately. Every time Bucky read through his reports, he imagined what your voice would sound like reading them to him. Whenever he went down to IT, he envisioned the room decorated with your flowers and how much happier they would make the place. When he sat in a meeting with HR and watched their burnt-out faces stare back at him through their coffee haze, he wondered if you could make them as lively as you made him.Â
Bucky could - so he realized after weeks of denial - not escape you.Â
That was one thing. But the more chilling revelation was that he did not mind. He enjoyed the little admonitions his mind set out in his environment. He appreciated the quickening thumb in his chest, whenever he saw his calendar entries stating another meeting with you - so much so that he almost forgot how unusual it was for him.Â
It was crazy. A month ago, if someone had dared to tell him heâd be finding something more than his regular flings, he would have laughed in their face. In fact, he actually did a few days before he met you.Â
Bucky didnât know what kind of magical spell youâd put on him, but within a few weeks, heâd started to become a different man. A better version of his thought-to-be-marvelous self. Now he realized what he was missing: a counterpart, someone who made life seem dull without them by his side. He wasnât going to admit it to Sam or Steve immediately, but the idea of you being that very someone became more attractive each day.Â
âJust a lot to do with the gala and all...â Bucky trailed off and spun around to Steve.Â
âYou know, I never took you for an event manager...â The blonde grinned and his eyes lit up in the office light. âDonât take this the wrong way, I like seeing you try something new, but this feels very... out of place.â
âBut you also know I never back down from a challenge. And Iâll be damned if Nat has something to hold against me for life.â
Steveâs head tipped forward. âWe both know that woman has blackmail material for two lifetimes on us.Â
âShe really does.â Bucky sighed and then slumped back in his chair, the little issue he had been hiding from his best friend gnawing on his mind.Â
He thought about Steve and Bambi and how he had just asked her to marry him. Sheâd said yes, of course, nobody expected otherwise. Steve - of all people - was living a magical fairytale life with the woman of his dreams. And here Bucky was, thinking he had figured it all out with women and relationships - or rather that he never wanted one - yet he found himself wondering why that decision bugged him so much when you came into the picture.Â
âCan I ask you something?â Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, not believing he was really going to ask Steve for dating advice.
âAlways.â
âHow did you know that Bambi was the one?â A stupid question, really. Bucky already knew there was nobody like you. But it was best to start this conversation off lightly.
Steve smiled widely again, his cheeks tinted pink. âWell, I couldnât stop thinking about her. And not in an I havenât touched a woman in years kind of way... I couldnât stop. Every second of every day, I imagined her with me. The thought of her made me happier even before she knew how I felt about her. And, well, it also hurt like hell when I thought she didnât return my feelings... when she refused to talk to me for a day...â He cleared his throat and then eyed Bucky again. âWhy do you want to know?â
âNothing in particular. I was just wondering and I needed material for my best man speech.â But the blonde didnât buy it. He caught Buckyâs chair when he attempted to turn away, pulling him right back in front of him. âAre you dating someone? Is it that woman from the flower shop?â
How did he know about you? âNo??â Bucky squinted at Steve.Â
âYou know if you wanted advice, I do consider myself an expert to some extent now.â Bucky wanted to wipe the smug grin right off his friendâs face.Â
âYouâre an idiot.â He stood up and paced to the window.
âOh come on, Buck.â Steve followed suit, the playful grin ever present. âYou teased me for years about my love life, canât be mad now.â
âIâm not mad.â He was annoyed.Â
They stood by the glass front for a while, watching the busy city unfold beneath them in the glow of the rising sun. Bucky could feel his friendâs eyes stare at him though. And after another moment of silence, the blonde finally spoke. âYou should ask her out.â
âWhat?â He faced him again.Â
âYou like her. I can tell. And youâve never acted like this about a woman, let alone put so much effort into a relationship. I know itâs not your style, but I think it would do you good to at least try.â
âThe effort is for the gala.â Bucky corrected.Â
âRight. Because thatâs your thing... charity galas.â Steve squeezed Buckyâs shoulder and then tapped it and then he made his way to the door. âIâm not going to tell you what to do, but I really wish you would listen to your heart and not be a stubborn dickhead for once. This could be something life-changing - something great. And itâs your choice whether you welcome it or not.â
Life changing. Bucky didnât like the sound of that. He liked to be in control of the situation and rule over his own life. However that aspect seemed to have left the building when you entered.Â
He huffed. There you were back on his mind again, and he felt the tingle creep up his throat. There was no denying it. What Steve had described with Bambi was what Bucky had with you.Â
With a shake of his head, he grabbed his coat, told Nat heâd be back in an hour, and then pressed the button for the elevator. He would deny it if Steve ever dared to take pride in convincing him to do so, but heâd also be damned if he didnât at least try to find out if you felt the same.Â
â â â
There was a burly-looking stranger standing at the counter when Bucky entered your shop. He had willed the traitorous voice in his head to silence all the way here. But now that he saw the handsome older man taking all your attention to the point you hadnât even noticed him stepping in over the customer's broad shoulders, the heat began to bubble up again.Â
Bucky wanted to tell himself you wouldnât prefer the salt-and-pepper-bearded man over him. But to be honest, he didnât even know what your type was. Yes, you had cuddled on your sofa just the other night, but since Bucky wouldnât consider himself an expert in anything other than one-night stands, it could have been a friendly gesture for all he knew.Â
âWould that be all for you?â You asked the man and handed him his chance. Bucky watched as his thumb grazed over your hand, feeling a tinge of anger starting to consume him. Â
âThatâs all. Thank you, sweetheart.â
âI hope to see you again soon, sir.â
âOh, you can bet on it.â He winked then turned, nodded to Bucky in a brief greeting, and then exited the shop. Buckyâs eyes lingered on the door for a while longer. He took deep breaths as his jaw clenched and the bell above the entrance fell silent.Â
âHey.â A warm hand touched his arm, pulling him right back to your eyes. And just like that, the anger washed away a little. There were just you and him in your tiny oasis amid Brooklyn. âAre you alright?â
âIâm fine.â He forced a smile, but the frown on his face probably betrayed him. âJust thought that man was a little inappropriate.âÂ
âHeâs just a sweet man buying flowers for his wife.â Your eyes glimmered with mischief when you bit your lip. âBucky... are you jealous?â
Oh, hell no.
âJealous?â Bucky wasnât jealous. He couldnât be. There was nothing to be jealous of. He had no claim to you. Even if he really wished he did. And yet that man had angered him with only the touch of his hand. That was the only thing heâd ever get. Bucky knew what it felt like to have you in his arms, how your body lotion settled in his nose, how your head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck. âNo.â
âBut you should not be so naĂŻve, dove. Married men are also flirting... and cheating.â
A short laugh escaped your throat before you caught yourself again and Buckyâs heart began doing that funny somersault thing. âNot to burst your bubble or anything, but I do know how the real world works.â You crossed your arms before your chest. âBesides, what do you care if he did ask me out? Maybe it has been a lifelong dream of mine to be a mistress.â
âItâs not. And I donât. I just think you deserve someone better than a cheater.â
âOh, like who? The percentage of good guys in this city is disappointingly low.â
Bucky snorted, guided by the excitement in his chest he opened his arms. âPlease, I could name at least five guys off the top of my head who are better than whatever that was.â His left hand flailed in the direction of the door, referring to the previous customer.Â
âName one.â
âMe.â
The surprise sprung onto your features faster than Bucky realized what he had said. âWhat?âÂ
Well, this was certainly not the way he had planned to ask you out today. Damn jealousy. The only way for this to not be embarrassing was to own up to it now. It was what he had come here for after all, right?
Bucky looked directly into your eyes, his expression sincere and determined. "Yes, me. I may not have everything figured out, but I do know one thing: I care about you. I've seen the way you light up a room, the kindness you show to everyone around you. You deserve someone who sees that, who appreciates it.â
Your eyes softened when you shook your head, averting your gaze to the ground. âI donât know, Bucky.â
He bit the insides of his cheeks, instantly hoping youâd say something else. Anything that would show him there was a chance you would change your mind. The silence was all-consuming, but he kept his mouth shut, careful not to fuck it up once again.Â
âBucky, I appreciate your honesty, I really do. But I don't think it's a good idea.â
Bucky's brows furrowed, his confidence wavering as your soft refusal hit him. "What do you mean, you don't know?" he asked, his tone tinged with a hint of frustration. He struggled to keep his composure, the unfamiliar feeling of rejection gnawing at him. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he searched for the right thing to say. His jaw tensed, betraying the hurt he felt deep down. "Forget it," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. With a curt nod, he turned on his heel, his disappointment palpable in the air as he made his exit, leaving you to contemplate his unexpected confession.
â â â
âWhy, donât you just look precious!â You bent down and picked up Samâs daughter, Darla, who had eagerly stormed through the door as soon as heâd opened it because she wasnât quite tall enough to reach the handle yet.Â
âYou... Iâve missed you soooo much.â You nuzzled her into your chest and pretended to squeeze real tight.Â
âCome play dragons with me!â The little one squirmed and then hopped off in her tiny knight costume.
âNothing I would rather do,â you singsonged and then mouthed a âsheâs grown so muchâ to Sam before he closed the door with a shake of his head.Â
âI know... she just does it without my permission. Unbelievable.â
About ten minutes later, you sat on the living room floor with a bunch of stuffed dragons, you had been instructed to play. Samâs daughter was happily fighting the stuffies with her wooden sword and his husband handed you a cup of coffee with a smile.Â
âSo how have things been?â Matt sat down on the sofa and Sam instantly wrapped his arm around him. Your eyes lingered on the interaction for a second before your gaze wandered back to Darla.Â
âOh, you know, business as usual. The shop is doing very well... the shelters are holding up.â You smiled at her and then made a dragon fall backward in defeat.Â
âHm...â He frowned. âThatâs weird... I had a feeling it was getting better soon.â
You smiled tight-lipped and wondered if you had butchered it all with your stubbornness. Matt wasnât clairvoyant or anything crazy like it. But the joke of his other senses being heightened due to his impaired vision had carried on forever. And even though you never believed in supernatural magical things, you couldnât help but wonder if maybe, there was a hunch of truth to it nonetheless. He had been right about many other things after all.Â
âI donât know,â you sighed and Darla excused herself to her room to âget more toysâ. âExcept for the shop, everything else seems to go a little downhill right now.â
âBut you have been seeing someone, no?â Matt tilted his head and Sam squeezed his shoulder in an attempt to make him stop.Â
âBabe, do we need to talk about appropriate prying again?âÂ
âSorry,â Matt blushed, âOccupational hazard.â
You laughed and then turned serious again. âI have... but to be honest, I doubt it will have a future. Itâs - I donât know - it just seems a little too good to be true.â
âItâs been Bucky youâve been seeing, hasnât it?â Sam chimed in with a calm deep voice, making your attention snap to him. Your heart began to race at the mention of Buckyâs name.Â
âHow did you know?â
His fingers lifted in air quotes âA gorgeous girl with a flower shop in Brooklyn that somehow tries to convince him to donate to Sunflower shelters? You did not make it hard, honey.â
âHe... he talks to you about me?â Well, that changes things, you thought as you watched Sam reassure you with a small smile.Â
"More like a little birdy told me...." Sam shrugged. âWhat happened?â He leaned forward slightly, his eyes holding concern.
âIsnât it obvious? I donât want to be one of his many trophies. And Iâm scared, I just made the chase attractive by not putting out immediately.â Your eyes turned glassy. âWhat if he will lose interest when I do.â Your voice broke, making you almost whisper the last part into the living room. âBecause I really really want to...â
Matt cleared his throat. âIf it helps anything... I have a feeling you are not going to be just another one-night stand.â
âAnd why is that?â
âIâve never seen him like this.â Sam chimed in. âSo butthurt about a girl or even put effort in a relationship that would only become a one night stand - which it is not - he wants more, he needs more. He sees a future with you. And as much as his bad-boy demeanor has made that pretty unbelievable in the past, he is changing. I just know, and itâs about time that he aims for peace and quiet and love and comfort.â
Turning your head with a suspicious grin, you answered: âIs Matt contagious? Because that sounded one hell of a lot like a prediction to me.â
Sam just shook his head with a smile, scooted forward on the sofa, and then took your hands in his. âBelieve me when I say this: You are so amazing. And not even a douchebag like Bucky could deny it. Yes, he has had his fair share of women in the past, and he can be the most stubborn dickhead in all of New York City, but heâs not stupid. He knows something valuable when he sees it. And you, love, have given him the most precious thing heâs ever had.â
You held eye contact for a short moment, letting your friendâs words sink in and warm you from the inside until the butterflies in your stomach began to tingle. As much as you wanted to refuse, you had shown him love and acceptance every step of the way. And Bucky? Bucky had tried so hard to impress you. He had done so many things just for you, to spend time with you.
You just wrote it off as a means to get you to sleep with him. But at this point, that argument was farfetched. Because throughout the time you spent together, his presence was pleasant, casual, and... wanted.Â
âSo what do I do now?â You said with determination, making a smile spark on both Samâs and Mattâs faces.
â â â
âSo, Barnes is unusually grumpy tonight.â Bucky heard Tony say when he came back from the bathroom, jamming his glas on the table to announce he was listening. âDid you get cockblocked or what?â
âShut it, Stark, or Iâll personally demonstrate your very own cockblock.â Bucky pressed through his teeth.Â
âDamn, Buck. What the hell could possibly throw you off this much?â Tony signaled for two more drinks to the bar as Bucky took a seat again.Â
Sam looked at him with a raised brow - the fucker knew what was going on. But Bucky refused to get dragged into talking about his feelings.Â
âI thought it was going good?â Steve chimed in, a question in his features. Steve, you punk. Shut up!
Bucky knew he was referring to the bouquets of flowers that subtly decorated the office now. First his own desk, then the kitchen. And when Nat had grown suspicious, he proceeded to place them on her desk to have her stop asking questions.Â
It wasnât his doing - not this time. You had just given him a bouquet of the flowers you couldnât sell anymore every time you met. And Bucky couldnât bring himself to throw them out. They also reminded him of you and were a nice little distraction from work. ...Not that it mattered anymore.
âGoing good? What is going on? What are you talking about, Rogers?â
âBucky met a- ouch goddamnit!â A kick was heard from beneath the table. And when Steveâs eyes snapped over to Sam, the man just tipped his head with a warning stare. âWhat the hell, man?â
âOkay, thatâs it. I feel like you guys donât tell me anything. I need details. Now.â
âNo.â
Bucky didnât need Tony to know. In fact, Bucky didnât need anyone to know he had trouble talking to a woman. He, of all people, who never had any difficulties getting even the married ones - yeah he wasnât too proud of that... But Tony would just make everything worse. And with his patience hanging by a thread right about now, he was not willing to play with fire.Â
âBuck, we- theyâre your friends. They deserve to know, especially if things are as serious as you told me.â Bucky just stared at Steve in silence, his gaze trained on the crystal class in front of him with the amber liquid untouched. Steve always had a need to calm the storm. And maybe, Bucky would let him do it this time.Â
Truthfully, Bucky couldnât imagine a life without you anymore. His friends would sooner or later hear about you - if he had not fucked it up entirely. So, it was better to rip the band-aid off now than peel it back painfully slow in the future.Â
He crossed his arms and exchanged a brief glance with the blonde, and Steve understood that he was allowed to proceed.Â
âBucky met someone. Heâs organizing the charity gala this year and sheâs the florist doing the flower arrangements.â He had never noticed it before, but ever since Bambi had entered Steveâs life, his best friendâs fable for romance became more and more apparent to Bucky.Â
âSheâs also helped him find a cause to donate to. Sheâs been taking him to the Shelter she has worked at for years,â Sam chimed in and Bucky didnât even question where he got his information from anymore. Steve and he had always been close, and though Bucky didnât believe Steve would tell Sam his most private conversations, Sam always had a way of finding out.Â
âEvent planning? Florist? Who are you and what have you done to Bucky?â Tony looked seriously stunned, But Bucky didnât expect anything less than incomprehension. He had always been the only one in the group Tony could relate to and talk to when it came to women and lifestyles. Now, that very thing was slipping away.Â
Bucky just shrugged, uncertain how to answer. It was true: He had changed quite a bit ever since meeting you. But they weren't bad changes. He actually liked them.Â
Steve cleared his throat. âI thought things were going great, just the other day he talked about asking her out. And there were all these flowers in the office, I just assumed...â
âYeah well, they werenât.â Bucky interrupted as he felt the frustration creep back up. There were so many new feelings mixing within him that he didnât know what to do with them.Â
âWell itâs good to have you back, I guess. Canât imagine how that wouldâve turned out.â Tonyâs hand landed on Buckyâs shoulder, who immediately brushed it off.Â
âWhat do you mean âturned outâ?â
His head swayed from left to right and his hands turned outward. âWell, we all agree it would have never worked out right? Youâre not the one for relationships and she was clearly using you for that charity money.â
What the actual fuck?
âYou donât know her. So donât you dare assume anything about her.â Bucky sprung up, his hands hitting the table with a thump. âDove has the kindest, most beautiful soul on this earth.â He wouldnât let Tony, of all people, insult you. Not you. Not his dove. And, yes, maybe it also hurt a little that his friend did not believe Bucky could change for something truly important. And maybe it scratched his ego that this might have been the reason for your rejection the other day. But all of that seemed unimportant now.Â
âLook at you growing all protective.â
âTony.â Steveâs condescending tone rumbled over the booth.Â
A look at Tony and Bucky wanted to smack the smirk off his face. Another look at Sam, whose eyes had grown soft with empathy. And one last look at Steve, whoâd only wanted him to be as happy as him. Damn it.Â
âYou wouldnât fucking know what Iâm talking about, Stark.â
And then he stormed out of the Ironbar and into the night, head fuming, heart racing, and only one thing on his mind.Â
â â â
You were pretty sure Bucky would have kicked your door down had you not opened it the second time he wrapped his fist against it. Now he was standing in front of you, cheeks reddened from the cool night air, chest rising with deep breaths, but still devilishly handsome.Â
âHey, Bucky!â You smiled until you noticed the irritated look in his eyes. âWhat are you doing here?â
He seemingly ignored you, stepping into your home and then turning once you closed the door. âDo you think I can change?â
âWhat?â
âDo you believe I could change? That I could become the person you would date?â His eyes were pleasing, his head cocked to the side - fidgedy.
âIs... is this about the other day?â
Bucky looked nervous, vulnerable even. âJust answer my question, please.â
âI believe everyone has the ability to change. But I also know not everyone wants to.â You looked at your hands, suddenly feeling a bit awkward.
âThen why... why do you think I havenât. Through all the times weâve gone to the shelter, through all the conversations. Iâve never had that with someone before... what I have with you.â
There it was. You knew you had to talk to him about it sooner or later. Sam and Matt had suggested as much. You just didn't know it would be this soon.
âBucky, I just donât want to end up as one of the women passing you on the street, throwing side eyes at the newest one youâre having on your arm.â Yeah... that encounter had been a rather awkard one. Not to mention how nervous you were that night, hopig Bucky had only played it cool in order to protect you.
âSee, but that wouldnât happen to you, dove. It wouldnât. Because I realized that you are the reason that makes me want to change.â Bucky's gaze softened as he spoke, his tone gentle yet resolute he stepped closer. âI'm not perfect, but I promise you this: I'll always try my best for you. So, yeah, maybe it's a long shot, but I think I could be good for you. And if you'd give me the chance, I'd love to show you.â He took your hands in his, then closed his eyes and came even closer. âI know I'd treat you right.â
Throughout his confession, your gaze never faltered from his face. You could feel the desperate honesty in his tone, in the way his hands lightly trembled. He was scared, and he lay that emotion in your hands - for you to do whatever you needed with it.Â
Your voice was shaky when you answered, a light hue of shame fogging the question on the tip of your tongue. âBut how do I know...?â That this is not what youâre telling every woman in this godforsaken city?Â
But Bucky understood. Because apparently that pull you'd had toward him had been there for a reason. âBecause the things you make me feel scare me.â His face was mere inches from yours now, you could see every speck of color in his irises. âThey scare me because Iâve never felt them before. Every time Iâm not with you, I think of you. In every situation I am in alone, I imagine how much more exciting it would be with you in it. Iâm going crazy. Iâm lost without you, dove.â
A single tear ran down your face at his confession. This moment felt so raw, his words so sincere. But most importantly, it made your heart pound with excitement.Â
âWill you be mine?â His forehead leaned against yours, his hands moving up your arms and to your neck. âPlease say yes,â he whispered and his breath tickled your nose.Â
He just felt so right. Bucky felt right in your home, in your arms, in your life. âYes.â You finally answered and as soon as the syllable left your mouth, his lips came crashing onto yours.Â
Within seconds, Bucky had you pressed against the door. His hands held your face lovingly, his hands warm and big on your skin. The kiss was deep and so unbelievably pure, it punched the breath from your lunges the second your lips connected. And suddenly you knew that Buckyâs words held far less emptiness than you had feared. Nobody could kiss like this and not be sincere. At least you hoped it to be true because once youâd gotten a taste, you knew you would never want to try anything else. You could get drunk off him. Forever.
Your hands wandered beneath Buckyâs coat, settling in the warmth of his back beneath the thick wool and feeling the muscles ripple when he pulled you even closer.Â
You sighed into him because the moment felt so right, so perfect, so tailored to the two of you and Bucky brushed his tongue over your bottom lip. The tingle from the gesture traveled down your spine. Before you could hold yourself back, you let his touch swallow you whole.Â
â â â
Bucky moaned, a feeling so warm and enjoyable taking over his body with every breath you stole from him. He had wanted for this to happen for weeks. And the real thing did not disappoint.Â
Your hands roamed his back until they hooked onto his shoulders and began shrugging off his coat. He tried hard to keep your lips on his during the action, not wanting to miss a single moment without them anymore. You were here, you were his, and it was perfect.Â
âBucky,â you whimpered when his thigh made its way between your legs. A move so instinctually feeling for him. But all the other women heâd been with before only seemed like practice now. Preparation to be the best lover youâve ever had and ever will have. Because you were the real thing, the grand prize, the best person to ever happen to him.Â
You ground down on his legs in rhythmic motions, Bucky could feel the heat seeping through his expensive dress pants and it made him feel even hotter. He pushed his leg higher, reveling in the sounds that came from your lips and the very knowledge he was the one providing this pleasure. There was nothing more exhilarating.Â
But still, it wasnât enough. âThere are too many layers of clothes between us, dove,â his wet breath brushed against your cheek as he pulled his thigh back for you to take off your jeans.Â
âYouâre so right.â You grinned and then pulled them down in one swift motion only to reveal a pink pear of panties underneath.Â
In an instant, his body was pressed to yours again, his lips attaching to yours like magnets - he couldnât get enough of the taste of you. But instead of placing his leg right back to get you that delicious friction, his hand began traveling down your front until it disappeared in your underwear.Â
If you were any other woman, Bucky wouldâve gone down on you. He would have dropped to his knees and eaten you out because he knew it was the fastest way heâd make you come. And he took pride in the fact that the women he was with always had at least one orgasm more than him. But he didnât do so with you.Â
Why?
Because Bucky Barnes got high off of your lips, and he couldnât possibly imagine not seeing your face, feeling your mouth shape in a silent scream when he would make you come for the first time.Â
So his hand had to do for now. His fingers slipped past the thin pink cotton and over your mound to gather your slickness. He gasped when he reached your heated core. âYouâre so wet for me, love. So ready.â He pecked the corner of your lips. âSo perfect.â
âYes!â You whined and pressed your pussy into his touch. Bucky immediately started to trace circles on your clit. He took his time to find the motions with which your breath staggered, or your fists clenched in his shirt. With every whimper, every stroke of his hand, he felt his dick strain his pants a little more - the aching exciting him for when he could finally sink into you.Â
âShit, donât stop. Iâm so close.â
âI donât plan on ever stopping.â He growled into your mouth, his hand movements becoming more frantic, the wet noises filling your apartment. Frankly, Bucky didnât believe he could ever stop giving you pleasure and having you writhe in his arms with deep sighs. Not until he knew how you sounded cumming on his hand, on his face, on his dick, on the sofa, on the bed, and every other surface he could possibly imagine. Your body was like ecstasy.
Your walls began to clench around his fingers, every drag becoming harder as he imagined his cock being squeezed by you instead. âThere you go, Baby. Thatâs it.â
âOH MY GOD!â You screamed as your hand pulled on his hair, your body growing rigid with pleasure and Bucky kissed every curse word from your lips.Â
After a minute, he slowly pulled his hand back, the other caressing the skin on your cheek. âAre you okay?â He whispered, his eyes boring into yours in genuine concern.Â
âAre you kidding? Iâm more than okay. That was incredible.â Bucky couldnât help the small chuckle from leaving his lips at your praise.Â
âYou look really fucking pretty when you come.â
âIâm glad. Because I want you to make me do it again.â You kissed his cheek. âAnd again.â And then you gently stroked his cock through his pants. âAnd again.â
And the second you said that Bucky pulled you onto the floor with him. He took his time removing your clothes, kissed the trial of your bra strap all the way down your shoulder, licked and bit at your hips all the way down to your ankles where he finally pulled off your underwear and pressed his lips to the soft skin of your leg. And when you were fully naked, he paused. Buckyâs eyes roamed your body, taking in every divot, every mark and curve of yours.
He sat back on his haunches, his head getting dizzy when the butterflies took over. âGod, youâre so beautiful,â Bucky softly wheezed, his hand slowly stroking your leg as you lay spread out in front of him.Â
âCome here.â You gestured with your arms open, welcoming him in your embrace with a wide smile. Bucky supported his weight with his arms on either side of your head and let your hands bury in his hair. He closed his eyes letting the warmth of your touch overtake him. Your thumbs stroked over his brows before you whispered: âLook at me.â
âYeah?â
âIâm sorry I doubted you. I feel the appreciation in the way you talk to me and touch me. It was unfair of me to assume you are your reputation.â
âNo, itâs okay. Itâs not like I made it easy for you to believe me.â
You chuckled and pressed a kiss to his lips. âWell, I do now.â Your eyes locked with his and a new fire lit within them.Â
âGood.â He smirked and then rolled you over so that you were straddling his waist. The cool wooden floor hit his bare back as you had bunched his shirt up on the way, now pulling it over his head and revealing your satisfied stare when your hands traced over his abs.
You shook your head and released a breath. âShame on me for refusing this for so long.â Your fingers passed his happy trail and began working on his belt. Buckyâs thumbs stroked your thighs as he watched you undress him, the tent in his pants ever so present and growing with every brush of your fingers.Â
âDonât worry, dove. We have all the time in the world to make up for it.â When his pants were off he pulled you forward again, kissing you ferociously. ââCause Iâm not planning on leaving.â
You smirked and ground down on his cock, interrupting his speech and ripping a guttural sound from his chest.Â
He had been holding back. Ever since you'd dragged him into that shelter, he had not touched a woman, because you had him hooked the second you had taken his hand on the way. And now he had to bite his tongue to keep himself from coming in his boxers like a school boy.Â
âAre you getting nervous, Bucky?â You grinned and moved again to tease him a little more.
âCan you blame me?â He clenched his jaw when you rocked forward again, his hand stilling your hips with a near-bruising grip. âIâve wanted you ever since I stepped foot in your shop.â
âYou did?â Your head cocked to the side, surprise washing over your face and his dick twitched making Buckyâs cheeks heat up.Â
âYes...â He confessed only to be attacked with your kisses again. He groaned and bucked his hips up until you were a moaning mess on top of him. His hands reached around you, settling on your ass and giving it a small clap.Â
âHand me my walled, baby. Itâs in my pants.â
âWhy?â
âWe need a condom if you donât want to keep dry-humping me.â He smirked, knowing, feeling there was nothing dry about this anymore. Your arousal was already drenching his boxers. The slick pushing him close to losing it.Â
âItâs okay. We donât have to, I have an IUD.âÂ
âAs much as I want to, we should be safe...â Bucky swallowed and averted his eyes in regret. âHave to get tested again.â
âOh, ok.â You were disappointed, he could tell. And Bucky was too. It was the first time he ever regretted all his one-night stands because he would kill to fuck you raw and feel all of you. And as hazy as your body made him, he could not ignore the fact that he did have several different sex partners before. It would have to wait a few weeks. And when he would come back clean, he would keep you in the bedroom for a week straight.
You must have noticed his misery because you leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Then you scooched back and retrieved the condom from his wallet. Bucky held his breath when your fingers hooked into his waistband. And when you pulled them down, his cock stood proud and thick with precum already pearling from his tip.Â
He reached for the shiny packet in your hand but you pulled your arm up, your eyes stuck on his cock. âLet me.â
âOkay,â he breathed out as he watched you rip the packet. His shaft twitched when your careful hands rolled the condom over him, another bead of precum dripping into the condom and before he could collect himself, you rubbed your pussy all over him, coating him in your arousal.Â
Buckyâs hands turned into fists at your sides as he watched you finally sink down on him - inch by inch, your heat welcomed him, his body sparking with pleasure all over. You moaned in unison when he was fully seated inside you, his cock being hugged tightly in your warmth - heâd barely held it together then.Â
You planted your hands on his abdomen and rocked forward, sending the both of you reeling. It took a second for Bucky to collect himself. His eyes closed and his nose huffing, he reminded himself of what he had promised you and what he wanted his first time with you to be. When he opened his eyes again, his hands moved over your body with determination. One setting over your breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers, the other began tracing tight circles on your clit.Â
Your head fell back, a vision of ecstasy and pleasure unfolding before him when he sent you over the edge a second time. He slowed your hips on his and rubbed your pussy with his thumb. He needed you to come again. And then again, and he had to hold out for that long. But the way your chest heaved, the light sheen of sweat forming on your skin, made his plan more than difficult.Â
It took all of Buckyâs willpower to pull you off his cock and push you to his legs. He sat up and kissed up your neck until he reached your lips. âWhat are you doing?â
âGiving you what you asked for.â He mumbled against your skin and then licked over your nipple, the other being caressed by his fingers. His free hand found its place right between your legs again and when you moaned lowly, he slipped two fingers inside you.Â
Your pussy was squelching, the lewd sound traveling across the living room as Bucky worked you towards another release. You were already squirming in his hands again. Your fists pulled at his roots, sending a shiver straight to his cock when you leaned his head back. âYouâre amazing.â Your breath was hot, fanning over his lips only to be replaced by them again. His tongue slipped inside and mimicking the movement of his fingers in your pussy.Â
âRight back at ya, dove. I can't wait to be inside you again.â
âThen what are you waiting for?â
âFor you to come again.â He bit your lip and sped up his fingers already feeling you squeeze him tightly. âSo youâre satiated when I come deep inside you, feeling you squeeze me with that perfect pussy of yours until you see stars.â
âShitshitshit. Iâm coming!â A series of curses flew past him when you pulsed around his fingers, gushing all over his hand and lap until he finished rocking you through your third orgasm.Â
âFuck,â Bucky licked your juices off his fingers and his eyes rolled back into his head.Â
âI donât think I have another in me, Bucky.â
âDonât worry, love. I got you.â And with that he hooked your legs around his waist, falling forward until you were with your back to the floor, Bucky hovering over you and aligning his length with your entrance.Â
He couldnât wait anymore, in one swift motion, Bucky fully bottomed out until his balls hit your ass. And when he was confident you were comfortable, he set a relentless pace. He had been on the edge this entire time. You had almost made him come just having him watch you let go. But there was nothing like the feeling of your pussy hugging him tightly, your body writhing beneath his, eyes squeezed shut in pleasure and nails raking down his back.Â
âYou feel so good,â he grunted and you just moaned in response.
âLook at me, please.â His hand turned your face. âI need to see you.âÂ
Bucky snapped his hips into yours even faster, your walls already clenching tightly around him and he threatened to burst. Your eyes opened and fell to his and Bucky couldnât stop his orgasm from ripping through him anymore. His strokes stuttered, his balls tightened, but he held eye contact with you, searching your hand behind his back to lock your fingers with his.Â
The white pleasure exploded within him, elevated by your own peak hitting with full force. He kissed you then, feeling like he was somewhere between heaven and your living room floor. His mind was consumed by you, his body tingling in aftershocks as he rocked you through your highs.Â
His damp chest fell into yours when you came down. He rolled on his back, taking you with him, pressed deeply into his body, his cock still buried inside you. Buckyâs chest was heaving, the last remnants of pleasure sparkling in his nerves. He kissed your hand and cuddled you closer.Â
This was what he was made for. To be with you, to be consumed by your affection and warmth.Â
He smoothed over your head and felt your lashes flutter on his skin. His heart was blooming with contentment - all the fear heâd felt to commit was miles away, lost somewhere between the Ironbar and your doorstep. There was nothing he was more sure of.Â
âLet me do this right. Let me take you out.â He whispered into your hair with a smile, trying to remember a time heâd ever been this happy.Â
You snorted as your hand gently stroked over his chest. âBucky, youâre literally ballsdeep inside of me right now.â
Bucky chuckled as well, his hand rubbed down your bare back in a soothing motion when he kissed your head. âNothing like a convincing argument, huh.â
𫵠You cant get enough of this character? Go check out the chatbot I made for him! This way you can explore different endlings, plotlines, or just enjoy his company for a while longer đ
You already know your girl couldn't decide which GIF to use. So here are the extra ones:
Woooow, you've made it this far! Thank you so much đ If you have some time to spare, I would reaaaally appreciate some feedback from you. A comment or a reblog can help so much to reach more people and improve writing. Talk to you soon ~Meg đ
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also tagging my steve tags (for everyone who wanted an update on Bambi) đ¤ :
#megs imagines#ceo bucky barnes#bucky x you#ceo Steve Rogers#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes au#bucky barnes smut#bucky x yn#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky imagine#bucky x reader#bucky barnes#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x you#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers smut#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers fluff
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Dcxdp
Just thinking of like a demon twins au where danny finds out damian is no longer under their grandfathers rule and goes to visit him in ghost form.
And damian is grieving all over again. Because thats his little brother, dead at his hands. Never able to grow up and live a full life. Just this weird mirror version of it. And now that damians embraced his fathers way of preserving life it feels even more of a waste and he mourns the experiences they could've had together. It felt like less of a blow when he was still in the league and surviving wasnt much of a life. Danyal was most likely happier at rest then there, but now? Now damian wishes they had more time.
Danny not realizing hes forgotten to tell his brother hes actually still alive. keeps saying that damian should come with him. See his home, meet his friends, Etc. Damian thinking danyal wants to drag him to the afterlife. Considers it even, because he owes him that much. Scared by his own thoughts and telling bruce or dick about it. And theyre both grief stricken and furious. Just this whole misunderstanding snowballing. Another son but one whos been lost before they could ever meet. One theyd never been able to know. Who never got the chance to be a child before his time was cut short. And everyone wanting to find a way to lay danny to rest without him stealing damian away too. Bruce desperate to meet this imprint of a son he never met but terrified of it taking away the son he still has.
Lol thinking of like 100 ways this could go.
Bruce calling in constantine. Danny feeling betrayed that they called someone to banish him? He thought damian would be happy to see him? Would accept him. Thought he could meet his father as well.
Or
Damian making him a grave and showing him that he can "rest" now like hed never been properly laid to rest with the league. Danny thinking its either a) a funny joke or b) finally realizes whats going on.
Or
damian offering to go with him as long as hes able to come back? He still wants to live his life and there are others in dcu who can go between realms (sorta i guess?) Danny being like yeah? No duh we'll come back xD damian being like??? When he sees amity lol.
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#i dont think i am made to have a happy ending#ive never felt more isolated in my life#i feel like i cant say anything to anyone bc saying things means people see youre negative#but i have to be âvulnerableâ for people to like me but if iâm vulnerable people DONT like me#i cant talk about anything without being completely overlooked and i have made every fucking effort to reach out and maintain stuff#i want to die. i actually canât take any of this anymore.#it doesnât matter what i do i canât change anyoneâs minds#people donât like people like me. thatâs the root of all of it. and iâm tired of pretending itâs not#i hope i never fucking front again and phil just takes over because everyone likes phil.#maybe if phthalo was out all the time things would change#phil deserves to have his happy ending. i hope he finds it#maybe if i was gone people would feel a lot happier and i wouldnt hold anyone back anymore
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i am frothing at the mouth at firefighter!Jasonđ¤¤
Iâ m imagining Jason accidentally bumping into reader who so happens to be a school teacher and he canât help but flirt just a little bit whilst the class of kids heâs educating on fire safety look at them both with wide eyesđ
I absolutely love this idea so much! I wrote something based off of this ask and low key went a little overboard with world building, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!
Field trip mornings always created an exciting buzz amongst your students. Their gentle chatter filled the chilly parking lot of the old school and you giggled at their enthusiasm.
The moment brought a sense of nostalgia, it engulfed your heart in a warm embrace. It reminded you of your days in elementary school. The memories of bitter autumn mornings and your teacherâs frustrated attitudes played before your eyes. You smiled thinking about your past and how those small experiences inspired you to pursue a teaching career.
This field trip was a special one as it happened to fall on Halloween Day. The children complained about having to come to school on the holiday, but as soon as you mentioned that they could come costumed, the excitement was back. Your third grade class did not disappoint, they were all dressed in bright costumes for their first ever visit to the fire station.
The bus ride was fairly normal. The children were a mix of both calm and rowdy. You intervened every once in a while when their noise level got too loud, otherwise the students were well behaved.
Entering the fire station was like entering a dream. The foyer of the building was warm and inviting. The heat radiated off of the walls and it made you slip off your coat. There were Halloween decorations coating the pale walls and you watched your children ooh and ahh with excitement.
Your eyes were still scanning the room when a tall man walked over towards you. He wore his uniform around his waist with a black compression shirt that hugged his body. You could see a sleeve of tattoos on display and a thin silver chain peaking through from under his shirt. Despite not wearing your coat anymore, you still felt your body heat up.
You stared at his name tagâJason, it read. You recalled the name from the numerous emails and phone calls you had exchanged in order to make this tour happen. You always thought his voice was sweet, but you had never imagined him looking like this.
He was attractiveâbreathtakingly so. His eyes radiated a bright shade of emerald and were full of life. He had heavy bags under his eyes, which, you assumed, were from working long hours at the station. His facial features were sharp. His cheekbones stood high and his hooked nose sat perfectly poised on his face. He looked like a Roman sculpture. Your eyes trailed down to his lips and you noticed a small scar on the right side of his mouth. You felt your fingers twitch, almost as if they were itching to trace the mark.
Jason cleared his throat, pulling you out of your deep trance and you felt goosebumps trailing your skin. You quickly spoke up, trying to ease the tension.
âHello, my apologies, I completely zoned out, itâs been a long morning,â you said, desperately hoping that he believed the poor excuse you made to justify openly checking out the man.
You suddenly felt even more uncomfortable, you looked to your side only to notice all of your students staring right at you. You felt yourself getting flustered again, but quickly moved past the feeling. You extended your hand to shake Jasonâs calloused ones. His eyes raked your figure and he gave you a sly smile.
âItâs okay,â he responded gently. âShall we get started with the visit,â he changed the subject quickly and you couldnât be happier.
Jason turned his attention towards the children and greeted them with an enthusiastic expression, his passion for his job clearly reflected in his way of speaking.
He led your tiny class towards the breakout rooms of the fire station. On the way to the rooms, Jason pointed out one of the girlâs Wonder Woman costumes and he shrieked in an endearing sort of way. He kneeled to the girlâs height and handed her a small sticker. She smiled, thanking him. Jason then locked his eyes with yours and called the girl pretty, and you knew at that moment that the comment was not only for her, but for you too. You felt a rush of heat run through your cheeks and up to your ears.
The breakout rooms were similar to the foyer of the fire station. There were little skeletons propped up against the whiteboards and small jack-o-lanterns on each desk.
Once the children had settled, Jason handed the rest of them with fun stickers and pamphlets about fire safety for them to take home. He joked with the kids, and managed to sneak in a fire pun every now and then. He was a good listener, he paid attention to everything the children had to share. You turned your head to the side and silently admired his ability to work with the kids; not everyone could handle a group of eight-year-olds first thing in the morning.
Jason quickly gave the class a presentation about the dangers of fires and the importance of protecting yourselves when dealing with hot objects. It was odd, he wasnât even trying to hide his flirtatious comments, heâd stare right at you upon the very mention of the word âhot.â
You noticed Jason had a habit of walking around the room, maybe it was to keep the students engaged or maybe he did it for his own reasons. But it had got to the point where heâd brush past you, almost purposefully. The parts of your skin that made contact with his body were on fire.
After the presentation, Jason decided it would be best if the kids got a quick break before continuing the tour of the fire station. You happily agreed, needing a break yourself.
You sat on a chair close to the exit, when one of your students came to you on the verge of tearsâthe culprit being a paper cut. You cooed at the child, gently cupping their much smaller hand and guiding them to your first aid kit. Unknown to you, Jason was watching the interaction play out.
He hadnât known you long, but he thought you were stunning. The way your eyes crinkled when you smiled, the way your features sat against your skin, and the way you spoke with such eloquence. It was everything he found attractive, but seeing you showcase such patience with the âwoundedâ child, made his heart race. Not only were you beautiful, but you were kindâto Jason, in the very little time he had known you, you felt like an angel.
âDo you like them,â a small voice suddenly spoke. It was the Wonder Woman from earlier and Jason smiled.
âAh the lovely Wonder Woman is back,â he replied, ignoring the childâs question. The little girl giggled.
âI think you have a crush on my teacher,â Jason raised his eyebrow. What did this little girl know about crushes? The child laughed again and said, âI think she might like you back.â
âWhat makes you say that,â Jason inquired, now suddenly interested. The little girl shrugged and made a face.
âI dunno,â and with that, she ran off, leaving Jason confused.
After the break, Jason guided the students to the main hall to show them the fire trucks. The energy was high in the room, the kids were beaming with excitement. The tension between you and Jason only seemed to rise though. With every passing flirtatious comment and every lingering look, you felt yourself getting more anxious. How inappropriate would it be if you asked for his number at the end of the field trip⌠you caught yourself thinking.
It was as if Jason had read your mind because at the end of the tour, he pulled you aside to thank you for bringing in the children and letting him have the opportunity to teach them. You grinned and also expressed your gratitude. You began to walk towards the students, when Jason grabbed your wrist and held onto you gently. He slipped a piece of paper into your palm and sent you a quick wink before heading out.
You stared at the small paper and slowly opened it.
Inside, the words read in messy lines, âcall me,â with a string of numbers. You looked into the direction that Jason left, and smiled to yourself.
You were definitely going to call him.
#gn!reader#jason todd#red hood#jason todd x reader#jason todd headcanon#red hood x reader#red hood headcanon#jason todd imagine#red hood imagine#batfam
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hellooooooo! I read yell and flight and let me tell u I was HOOKED. I cannot get fran off my mind the way this man is!!! Itâs driving me wild and itâs barely been abt a week or two seeing him all over my socialsđŠđťâđŚŻââĄď¸ I was wondering if you are still taking reqs obviously for fran? I know deep down in my bones that this man is so clingy like physically so maybe like him hugging the reader a lot like alot all the time, like long cuddle sessions just talking abt life?
xxxxxxx thx in advance
SEVEN TIMES WHEN FRANCO COULDN'T KEEP HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF - FC43
listen up : no warnings just some kissing!! this is cute so i hope you enjoy <3 franco x girlfriend!reader
word count : 1249
â・â§Ëâ
When I first started dating Franco, it was obvious that his love language was physical touch. Back then however, I didnât know how much he depended on it.
âŕźş
1. Iâve never been more excited for Franco than I was at that first race in Monza. As soon as I could, I ran to him.
He was still in his race suit, grinning that stupid smile that I so love. He was sweaty and gross and I couldnât be happier.
âCorazĂłnâŚâ He wrapped his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder even as I jumped up and down.
âIâm so proud of you!â I pulled him tighter, his curls brushing my face. âThat was so sick!â I pushed him back to move my hands while I spoke but his hand stayed on my waist.
He let me recount his own race back to him as he just stared at me dreamily, âIâm glad you enjoyed it.â He laughed and pulled me in again, kissing me this time.
People cheered and whistled as I smiled against Francoâs lips. He kept that same hand on me all day, holding me close as if the two hours he was racing for was time lost for us.
He never cared who was watching, as long as I was in his arms, nothing else mattered.
âŕźş
2. âLetâs stay here.â He mumbled into my skin, laying completely on top of me with his face on my stomach.
I laughed, running my hands through his hair, âWe have to go Fran⌠You were the one who said we would!â He frowned up at me when I took my hands from his hair.
I slipped my hands back through his waves and he smiled happily again, wrapping his arms tighter around my waist.
I look at his arms flexing against me, âDarlingâŚâ
He frowned up at me again, making me laugh and having to physically push him off of me, âAy noâŚâ He groaned as I stood, smoothing out my skirt.
âCome on!â I had to walk out the door just to get Franco out of the room.
âŕźş
3. We were at a charity gala and I felt like a genuine magnet. A magnet that only attracts Franco's hands. I smirked at him, âLike what you see?â I spun around in my red dress that hit right before my black heels, his hands staying on me as I turned around.
His gaze dragged up my body, nodding silently. Franco is never silent. He gave my waist a little squeeze before kissing my cheek and pulling me into his side.
The whole night, the only time he left my side was when I went to the restroom. He was waiting with drinks when I got back, I canât help but smile at his stupid face that looks way too happy to be buying things for me.
We ended up talking to Lando and his date, she was definitely a model and honestly I donât know if he even knew her name. When the girl left, Lando eyed us both, âYouâre making me look bad!â He ran his hand through his curls as I rested my head on Francoâs shoulder.
âNot my fault that you donât like your date!â Franco argued and Lando pulled his lips into a thin line.
âI like her just fine! You two are just disgustingly affectionate.â
âŕźş
4. âIâm just having a hard time, Franco!â I sat on the couch, my head in my hands. Weâd been fighting like this for an hour and getting nowhere.
He paced in front of me, turning to me and placing his hand on my chin so I would look up.
âIâm sorry.â He whispered as tears ran down my face, sinking to his knees, âIâm so sorry⌠I know you though. You can get through this.â His hands moved up the outside of my thighs, holding me tight like he always does.
âŕźş
5. I could practically feel Francoâs gaze burning a hole into the man across from meâs head.
He started over to us as soon as he saw the man take a step closer. He cleared his throat, placing his hand on the small of my back as he smiled at the man.
Franco leaned closer to me and the man left in an instant. I smiled softly at him, raising a brow, âPossessive, much?â
He sipped his drink, âWith you? Always.â
âŕźş
6. âYou look delicious.â I laugh out loud as he says it in my ear, I turn and swat his chest. The club music was loud and the lights were even brighter.
âFranco.â He knows heâs gotten to me, a smirk prominently on his face as he takes my hand in his and pulls me gently out of the crowd.
We make it to the bathroom, one stall, before Franco has his hands on my ass and his mouth on mine. âNeedy.â I mumbled into his mouth.
âNo shit, have you seen yourself?â I laughed as he pushed me up against the wall, his hand slipping below the hem of my blue dress.
He slips his tongue in my mouth, cupping my face and holding onto my waist tightly. I sometimes forget heâs an actual athlete until he brings his strength into the bedroom. Or in this case⌠the club bathroom.
âŕźş
7. Franco sat between my legs, my hands in his hair as he intently listened to the football match that was playing.
He's talking about some of the players but I'm busy braiding his hair which is quite hard given the length.
He moved his hands away from his water bottle that he was fidgeting with, playing them on my ankles and making me shiver. His touch is effortless and sometimes I think he doesnât even realize because he was definitely focused on the game.
His hands slid upwards, brushing over my calf then back down. He repeated this for five minutes until I finished with his partially braided hair.
The game was still playing as he slid his fingers up my legs once more, making me shiver. He didnât even realize until I pushed my hands over his and his head leaned back to look at me.
He smiled and kissed my hand, turning around and kneeling in front of me.
I watched his muscles move as he extended his arms to wrap around my waist. He looked up at me, his green eyes shining while his hair looked like a mess. âAre you excited for today?â We were in his drivers room, his suit unzipped.
âYes. Because youâre here.â His hand rubbed against my face softly, like he wanted to memorize every part of me.
âDo you get nervous?â
âOf course. I donât want to mess up when youâre were.â I frowned at his words, caressing his neck.
âI donât care what you do, love⌠as long as youâre safe.â He sighed and laid his head on my knees.
âYou that worried?â I nodded. âI donât want you to be.â
âWell Iâm your girlfriend and itâs my job because you chose a job where your life is in danger every weekend.â He laughed at my sarcastic tone, shaking his head and kissing my knee.
âI like that you care. But I promise you corazĂłn, you cannot get rid of me that easily.â He kissed me softly, I kissed him back.
#fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#franco colapinto angst#franco colapinto fanfic#franco colapinto fluff#franco colapinto imagine#franco colapinto x reader
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i feel like people don't talk about the impactfulness of swansea immediately ditching his sobriety when he found out that the mouthwash had an alcohol content.
from the very beginning, he was accepting the idea of not getting out of the situation alive.
it takes a strong man to commit to sobriety, especially after 13 years of (presumably) heavy alcoholism, and an even stronger one to remain sober for 15 years, though he hadn't done it for his own enjoyment- that thought of him dead in some ditch somewhere because of some accident or another made while he was drunk out of his mind scared him into it, and pushed him to his decision. he enjoyed his time while drunk, but he knew that he wouldn't make it anywhere in his life and he knew that his time was running out (in many ways: he was getting older, so he would have less of his life left to steer himself in the right direction, and also the amount of alcohol he was drinking could kill him any day at that point, especially as he got older), so he put in the effort to try and 'better' himself- clean himself up, get everything he thinks 'successful' and 'happy' people have, and get sober.
of course, this doesn't make him a happier person, as much as he felt like it should. that was the entire point of his speech before his death- everything he worked for was a lot less exciting when he finally achieved it. but he stayed sober, because he knew that, in a more objective sense, outside of any of his own personal feelings about himself and his life and what he actually enjoyed, he was better off that way. he had more opportunities in life, he could keep a job, and he could maintain his relationships with his wife and kids much better than he could if he was still an alcoholic.
but when the ship crashed, he accepted that it was likely his final resting place, probably from the very beginning. he'd already had his shot at life, he already tried his best to be a model 'functioning member of society', and it was every bit as unfulfilling as it possibly could be. and now he was reaching his mid-life, or even late life. there wasn't much time left for him to be able to try and work toward an invisible goal of 'true happiness', whatever the hell that means. the way he saw it, he'd already lived his whole life. nothing more for him to do.
so when he found out that there was alcohol in the mouthwash, he barely hesitated a second. he drank it because THOSE were the best days of his life. he no longer worried about what kinds of consequences that such a relapse could cause, because at that point it didn't matter. he didn't care about continuing to live his 'model' life because that ship was his grave. he didn't have to worry about how it'd affect the relationship he had with his family, he didn't have to worry about being unable to get a job because he couldn't go half a day without drinking, he didn't have to worry about turning up dead in a ditch because of some mistake caused by his inebriation- it didn't matter in the end. the six months of food supply would run out far before the alcohol could kill him.
he did not for a second consider the possibility of him escaping the ship, even though he was the only person (for the majority of the game) that knew about the working cryo pod. it was never for him- he saw it as being a waste if he got in himself.
he'd already run his course. he would rather save it for someone with more potential to get somewhere in life, someone like daisuke or anya.
#bluejay.txt#when he dropped the line about breaking his 15 years of sobriety#that was the first time i felt dread in the game. felt like a turning point#mouthwashing spoilers#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing swansea#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing daisuke#tw alcohol#tw alcoholism
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â đđđ đđđđđđđđđđ đđ
đđđđ đđđđđđđ â
DREAM RECALL â¸â¸ He pulls away from you with a perplexed expression. Then he laughs, itâs short, cruel, he shakes his head. âDonât be funnyâ, he mutters as he runs a hand through his dark hair. âYou know I have a girlfriend, nerd.â He spits the words out like the venomous bite of a snake. His gaze drops to your unbuttoned blazer, briefly passing the harsh bruises on your chest. â âDonât think youâre anything else besides a quick fuck.â â¸â¸
wc â 26k
pairings popular/bully!yeonjun x nerd!reader(fem) college au ! warnings heavy bullying, violence, exploitation, cheating, drinking, yeonjun is an asshole for 80% of this, redemption arc, some angsty scenes, hurt-comfort sort of? this fic contains 3/4 descriptive smut scenes which include â oral (both f & m), penetrative sex, vaginal fingering, a handjob, lots of degrading (reader receiving) but also a splash of praise, some tit groping, implied marking, very soft sex at the end (yeonjun cries a little), reader is inexperienced = virginity loss, + yeonjun teaching her how to give a blowjob as always lmk if I missed any!
#serene adds â my god this fic has taken literal years off my life. But I could not have been happier with the outcome of it !! It's a long one, but I've tried to keep it interesting throughout it all for a lighter read. I'm not one to beg for feedback, but I will actually get down on my knees this time around. Please please comment/reblog or even send asks with your thoughts on it, I need it to be perceived in any way possible !! hehe please enjoy because I have slaved to get this done (if anyone notices the Skins reference in one scene, lets kiss)
(I was also slightly delirious when I read this through ahem...) anyway, ready, set go !
You donât exactly know how it started. The cheating, the lying, the sleepless nights, the crying, the heartbreak, Choi Yeonjun. One day he was justâŚthere. You had never met anyone like Yeonjun before yet you knew hundreds of people like him. He was everything, he was the cause of your pain, your tears, your self loathe. â But mostly importantly, Yeonjun was your first love. You would always remember him as that. You suppose it might have started on your first day at that college, back when you were only known as the junior transfer.Â
He was a senior. Perhaps it was a bit clichĂŠ, you donât know, you didnât think so. But you remember it clearly, the first time you saw him. â The air was hot, suffocatingly so, despite it being early October. Your palms were sweaty, and you squeezed them together as your hands remained neatly clasped in front of you. The eyes of the other students weighed a ton and you felt your knees buckle under the pressure.Â
Your professor clears his throat as he steps up beside you, gazing out across the classroom. âWe have a new student todayâ, he announces what was already painfully obvious and you felt your cheeks redden further. Apart from a few sniggers here and there, silence follows. âWhy donât you introduce yourself?â His direct question made you flinch as you quickly glanced up from the floor, your gaze flitting between your professor and the large ocean of heads turned in your direction.Â
Your introduction was meek, the words getting caught in your throat as you stammered out your name. You could almost hear the smirks plastered on their faces as they drank in your fidgety frame. You jump when you feel your teacher's hand on your shoulder, âyour new classmate is a year younger than you guys, but due to her impressive work ethic she has finished the majority of her classes already. She will therefore be joining us for the time being.â â His words of praise felt more like a set up for humiliation and you watched as students leaned over to whisper in each otherâs ears, grinning at the words being passed around. You could hear the rumors already.Â
âWhy donât you take the seat over there?â Your new professor points to an empty desk by the very back and you breathe out a small sigh of relief, glad to be shielded from the peering eyes of your new classmates. But just as youâre about to step down and make your way toward the safe haven, you lock eyes with him. â Part of his face was shielded by his dark hair but you could clearly make out his brown eyes, staring right back at your own. Heâs quick to catch on to your stare and you watch as his lips stretch into a menacing smirk.Â
Forcing yourself to look away, you grab onto your bag as you quietly make your way past the many rows of desks. An outstretched foot makes you stumble forward and you barely manage to catch yourself. âCarefulâ, one of the girls turns in her seat as she eyes you with a not so friendly smile, âwouldnât want you to fall.â You give her a small nod as you hurriedly continue toward your own desk.
Thankful to have stepped away from the spotlight, you lean back as you let out a small breath. But it wasnât enough. As class went on you continued to catch the multiple glances thrown your way, the small chuckles, the papers being passed around. It all felt too familiar, and your heart slowly sank. â You pushed the feeling away, focusing on what you did best, studying. Class was a nice distraction, but after an hour and a half it came to an end. And as soon as your professor had shut the door behind him, chaos erupted.Â
The scraping of chairs against the stone floor filled the classroom as students turned to get a glimpse of you. It didnât take long for a small half circle to form around you, and you swallowed the lump in your throat.Â
âHow did you do it?âÂ
The first one to speak up was a lanky guy, he leans closer as he studies your uncertain face. Before you could even process the meaning of his question, a girl interrupted him, the same one who had tried to trip you over at the beginning of class. âI bet she slept with them, I mean, she must have.â â Her statement is followed by laughter as people nod in agreement. âBut how did you get them in bed?â Another girl asks as she looks you up and down with distaste, âsurely it wasnât whilst looking like that?â More laughter.Â
Your face might as well have been on fire as you glanced down toward your notes. âWhat if she drugged them?â Another guy chimes in as he points an accusing finger toward you. Hurriedly you shake your head as your lips part in a reply, a reply that immediately gets stuck in your throat as youâre interrupted.Â
âYou guys are being too harsh.â Another voice speaks up, everyone falls silent and soon the crowd parts as the guy you had made eye contact with earlier steps through. Heâs followed by two of his friends and the small group stops by your desk. âItâs obvious you guysâ, he exclaims as he leans down to come eyelevel with you. When this close, his sharp eyes somehow felt like daggers, boring into your soul as his lips curled into a smirk.Â
âSheâs a nerd.â He draws out each syllable like it was his last, his lips stretching wider as he sees your face fall. Small gasps and hums of agreement fill the silent room, as if everyone just instantly agreed with whatever he said. âDonât think of her as anything elseâ, he drawls, straightening his back once more as he stares you down.Â
You soon found out that his name was Choi Yeonjun.Â
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Your first day had only proven to be a small trial of the school year ahead. Word had quickly spread of the transfer student who took classes with the seniors, and wherever you went, you had eyes on you. â You tried your best to keep to yourself, to focus on your studies. That was how you had made it through your previous schools. But it seemed futile here, because no matter how low of a profile you kept, they always found a reason to pick and pull at you.Â
âWhat the fuck do you think youâre doing nerd?â She yells as she shoves you against the red lockers and you groan in pain. You couldnât remember her name, but you knew that she was a senior too, she sat two rows ahead of you and to the left. â Confused, you look up only to be met with a harsh slap to your face. âDonât play stupid, I know thatâs the last thing you are.â She sneers and your lips part in objection, though no words come out.Â
The girl signals for her friends to block either side of you, shutting off any escape routes as she rolls up her sleeves. âYou think you can just go through my shit like that? That I wouldnât know?â Her statement baffles you and your eyes widen, âwhat?â Another slap to your cheek, âright, come on now. Give it back.âÂ
You frown, âgive what back?â Her friends on either side of you grip onto your arms and you wince as they twist your limbs. She scoffs, âmy lipstick you idiot, I know it was you. Who else would take it? Besides, Iâve seen the way you eye it whenever I put it on.â â While her words were partly true, you did think that her lipstick was really pretty and often found your gaze lingering whenever she picked it up from her bag, you would never stoop to such a level as stealing.Â
âI didn't steal your lipstickâ, you croak out and she lets out a huff of disbelief. She goes off on yet another rant but youâre suddenly distracted as your eyes land on the small group of students walking by.Â
After your first day, Yeonjun hadnât addressed you once. He never picked on you, never engaged in gossip about you, he barely even acknowledged your existence. But you knew that he was behind most of what happened to you, because everyone listened to Choi Yeonjun. If he didnât like what was going on, he would put an end to it, but he never did.Â
You often saw him in the halls, he was always followed by his two friends. On your second day you had learned that the three of them were practically inseparable. â To his left was a tall guy, his frame could easily tower over just about anyone, yet he trailed behind his friends quietly with his head hung low. If it wasnât for the scowl on his face whenever someone dared to glance in his direction, you would have assumed that he was just any other student. His name was Choi Soobin, that much you knew.Â
To his right, was perhaps Soobinâs opposite. He was shorter than his friends, not by much, but it made him stick out. His hair fell in uneven sections across his face and he often brushed it away with his pinky whilst he spoke. Unlike Soobin, Choi Beomgyu talked almost all the time, with the occasional input from Yeonjun. Though few of his words were kindhearted. He often picked on you, his comments were snarky and mean, you only ever caught a break when Yeonjun got fed up.Â
Then there was Choi Yeonjun, walking in the middle, he gazed ahead as Beomgyu blabbered nonsense into his ear, Soobin following slightly behind them. The Choiâs, that was what people called them. Something to do with their names all being Choi, you thought it was kind of corny. Yet you couldnât deny the way your eyes lingered on Yeonjun, just a little longer than the rest.Â
It wasnât like you thought that he was handsome or anything, but he was nice to look atâŚyou supposed. And even though you knew better than to pay him any mind, it was hard to tear your gaze away from him. Only when he passed you, did you feel your heart stutter. For the first time since your first day here, he looked at you, if only for a brief moment. His gaze flickered over your practically torn limbs and a small smirk etched its way to his lips. â You felt your knees go weak under his eyes and swallowed hard.Â
Though his attention soon returned to the girl draped under his arm, the same girl that had tried to trip you over on your first day. You had found out that she was his girlfriend, her name was Mimi. She twirled a strand of her hair as she whispered something in his ear and Yeonjun chuckled. â Their small party continued past you as if nothing was wrong before disappearing down the hallway, leaving you to face the fate before you.Â
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You convinced yourself that it wasnât a crush, that you simply found him appealing. The topic of crushes stopped being a thing after middle school, right? You, a twenty year old, have a crush? The thought was ridiculous. But no matter what lies you forced into your brain, your heart still beat a little faster whenever he was present, your eyes drifted in his direction and there was nothing you could do to stop them. â So what if you did have a small crush on Choi Yeonjun? It wasnât going to harm anyone, it wasnât like you were going to act on it. He had a girlfriend. Whenever you reminded yourself of said fact, a pang of guilt shot through your chest. You know you shouldnât feel guilty, but it was hard not to. Most of all you felt guilty toward yourself â guilty for letting yourself sink to such a level.Â
As October went by, you did your best to stay out of the firing line of your classmates, you kept your head down and did your work. And when there was no work left to do, you spent your time looking at Yeonjun. He really was pretty to look at. â You noted the way he would lean back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head before yawning, his eyes momentarily fluttering closed. Usually, he wasted his classes on his phone, or chatting with Beomgyu, it was unusual for him to be doing any of his coursework. Perhaps he didnât need to, or he simply didnât care to.Â
Occasionally, you would catch your name slipping past Beomgyuâs lips, your gaze immediately snapping down to your book as your heart practically beat out of your chest. But no matter how many times he mentioned you, pointed at you, sneered at you, Yeonjun never even as much as turned his head in your direction, simply shrugging along to whatever his friend was saying.
The only time Yeonjun looked at you was when everyone else did. That one time someone poured milk over you in the cafeteria, or when you got a basketball in your face during gym. Only when the whole school pointed and laughed, only then did he spare you a fragment of his attention. And maybe you did like it, maybe you did want him to look at you.Â
It was kind of pathetic.Â
What was perhaps even more pathetic was that one offer you hadnât been able to pass up. It wasnât like you could say no to your professor either, right? â âI think there are a few students who would benefit from studying together with you.â You blink up at him as you watch your teacher lean back in his chair. This was why he had called you? To be frank you donât know what you had expected when he asked you to stay behind after class, but this was far from it.Â
âStudying with me?â You repeat as you point a confused finger toward yourself. Sure you worked hard, but that was because you had your mind set on doing so. You doubted that your classmates would want to spend even a second wasted in your presence.Â
Your professor sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. âYou are a clever girlâ, he nods toward your latest test result on his desk and your gaze follows his movement as you swallow. âNot to mention the fact that you are a whole year ahead of your peers.â He then adds with a small smile and you silently thank him, even though you were certain that he could smell the hesitation radiating off of you. âLook, it is not something you have to decide on todayâ, he begins as he gathers the papers on his desk, âbut students like Mr. Choi could definitely use a hand in their studies.âÂ
Your ears perked up at the brief mention of his name, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly your head jerked in the direction of your teacher. Though you did not dare get too ahead of yourself. Shifting on the spot, you softly clear your throat, âChoiâŚChoi Yeonjun?â Your professor stops to look at you, âwhy, yes, but you do not have to decide today take the weekend to-âÂ
âIâll do it.âÂ
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Youâll do it? What a joke.Â
Your whole weekend was spent pacing back and forth across your room. Teeth gnawing away at your fingernails, your mind wrecked with different scenarios of how that following Monday would play out. What were you honestly thinking, saying yes like that? â With an exasperated groan, you flop down on your bed. Staring at the ceiling, you envision Yeonjun, a furious Yeonjun, or maybe a jeering one, you didnât know which approach he would take. But surely he wouldnât be happy once the news reached him, unless they already had?
Briefly you considered calling in sick that Monday. You had never called in sick before, at least you couldnât remember doing so; recalling the multiple times you had ignored the fever in your body as you marched on to class. Not to mention that time you had the flu and still sat through your three hour long exam. â Were you really considering calling in sick over a mere guy. But it wasnât just a guy, it was Choi Yeonjun.Â
Regardless of the situation, you still went to school on Monday. But as soon as you stepped inside the classroom, you could tell that something was different. It was like the air had shifted. And as you made your way to the back of the room, carefully taking your seat, not a single one of your classmates bothered to pick on you. Instead they all occupied themselves with whatever they had in front of them. It was odd to say the least.Â
In regular fashion, the classroom door swings open during the very last minute as Beomgyu saunters inside. Behind him follows Soobin and Yeonjun, both in the midst of a hushed conversation. You find your gaze instinctively lingering by Yeonjunâs tall frame, fingers twirling your pen mindlessly in your hand. It isnât until you glance up and find his eyes already boring holes into your own, that youâre suddenly ripped from your trance.Â
Yeonjun was looking at you. He was actually looking at you, no, he was glaring at you. The realization was enough to send your heart into a frenzy as you swallowed a gulp. His gaze is unwavering as he approaches his desk, still conversing with his friend, but his eyes remain entirely on you. â Sweat builds on your forehead and you grip your pencil tightly. No matter how hard you tried, you couldnât find yourself to break his gaze. You knew that you were giving him exactly what he wanted by letting his eyes practically tear you apart, so why couldnât you pull away?Â
It isnât until the classroom door opens yet again that he puts out the fire he had momentarily created between the two of you, his eyes shifting toward board as your professor clears his throat, ready to begin todayâs lecture. As his monotone voice fills the room, you breathe out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of his sight.Â
He had to have known by now, the nasty looks he shot you throughout the day were more than telling. For someone who never even paid you as much as a second thought, it was most unusual for Yeonjunâs full attention to be directed toward you. Even during lunch, you could feel his eyes on you as he sat by his usual table. With Mimi on his lap and Beomgyu talking in his ear, his gaze still remained on your slumped figure as you focused on your plate of food.Â
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Your professor had helped set up todayâs session, but after that you would have to schedule them on your own. You were supposed to meet by the library, at 5:15pm that Monday. â You were there by 4:55. It took you about five minutes to pick a suitable table, not too close to the door, not in a corner somewhere, but also not in the center of the room, perhaps you were overthinking it. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Desperately you tried to calm your nerves as your trembling hands brought out your notebook and pencil case.Â
By 5:15 you were ready, actually you had been ready for the past ten minutes. The small library had been vacant even when you arrived, you didnât know if you felt relieved at the fact or not. â By 5:25 you started to think that he might not show up. Out of all possible scenarios fabricated in your way too creative brain, the one of him not even bothering to come hadnât crossed your mind at all. What would you do then? Accept defeat? Tell your professor? Talk to him in class? Neither option seemed too appealing.Â
Itâs 5:32 when the doors creak open. Hesitantly, you lift your gaze as you watch Yeonjunâs eyes wander across the room, finally landing on you. His face morphed into a scowl and you felt your stomach drop. You notice that he hasnât brought any study materials along with him and you bite the inside of your cheek. The short breath he lets go of echoes out into the silent library and then he marches toward you. â You donât have time to think before heâs by your table, the palm of his hand slamming against the wood with such force that your pencils rattle, and you flinch.Â
âDo you think this is some kind of sick joke?â He sounds agitated, his hot breath searing through his gritted teeth as his nostrils flared. Your once tense jaw falls open as your brows draw together in a confused frown. â âI mean, I knew you had a thing for me. But donât you think this is going too far?â He sounds almost hysterical as a grin spreads across his lips.Â
You felt color rushing to your cheeks at his words. Did he know? Could he tell by your small glances? But you thought you were being subtle. Yeonjun seems to be reading your mind as he runs a lazy hand through his hair, âoh come on now nerd, for someone so clever you really are quite oblivious.â
âDid you honestly think I wouldnât notice the way you eye-fucked me every single opportunity you got?â He sneers, tilting his head to the side as he watches you with a cruel look of distaste. Your lips part but no words come out. So you shake your head, you didnât know who you were trying to convince, him or yourself. âIt wasnât like thatâŚâÂ
He scoffs, âno?â Suddenly his face is only inches from yours, and you had to force your gaze not to stray down to his lips as he spoke. âThen what is it?â He murmurs, so close that you could almost taste his words on your tongue. You swallow, hard. What was it? You didnât know, you didnât want to answer, he couldnât make you answer, could he?Â
His grin widens as a low chuckle rumbles in his chest. âNo wayâ, he shakes his head as one of his hands grip the backrest of your chair, easily twisting you to face him fully. His previously cocky expression was replaced with a look of sympathy, his voice now laced with pity.Â
âDonât tell me youâve got a little crush, nerd.â He spits the words out and youâre quick to shake your head, denying his blunt accusations. âI donâtâ, you stammer, leaning back as far as your chair would allow you to. â âYouâre telling me youâre doing this out of goodwill?â He asks as he tilts his head to the side. He hardly seems moved by your denial, but when you quietly nod his smug face turns into a snarl. âDo you think Iâm stupid?âÂ
âWhat? No, no, no thatâs not what I-â You stop yourself before getting another word out, it felt like no matter what you said, you only worsened the already sour situation. Yeonjun exhales, his warm breath slamming against your already hot face. He leans back, taking a seat on the edge of the table as his hands dig into the pockets of his uniform. Confused, you watch him as he silently gets comfortable.Â
âWhat do you want then?â He finally asks and you blink up at him. âMy number? Is that it?â He wonders as he fishes up his phone, unlocking it as he pulls up his contacts. You shake your head and he frowns, âthen what?â â Your lips part and you motion toward the books in front of you, âjustâŚâ
âDonât tell me you want me to fuck you, because that would be pathetic, even for you nerd.âÂ
His statement catches you so off guard that you almost hit your leg on the chair opposite your own. âWhat?â You whisper, unsure of the fact that you had even heard him correct. You knew that there was no such universe in which someone like Choi Yeonjun would ever view you in that way, so it felt almost bizarre to hear those words leave his lips so casually.Â
He sighs as he gets up from the table, leaning down to become eye level with you once more. âI mean, I get that youâre desperate, believe meâ, he lets his gaze drop to your chest for a brief second. âLooking like that, Iâm sure itâs hard to get byâ, he hums, and in that moment, you wished for the ground to swallow you whole.Â
It had been a foolish idea to even consider doing this, even more to say yes. If you had only turned your professorâs offer down, none of this would have happened. Because in all honesty, if this was how Yeonjun looked at you, with such menace and fabricated pity, you think you preferred it when he paid your existence no mind.Â
âBut youâre luckyâ, he murmurs before leaning even closer, his breath mingling with your own. Lucky? What a joke, you thought. â You flinch when you feel the light caress of his fingers on your shoulder as they slowly entangle themselves in your hair. âIâm feeling particularly nice todayâ, he smirks and your eyes involuntarily dart down to his perfectly plump and pink lips. âBesidesâ, he drawls, his hand moving to cup your cheek.Â
âIâve never fucked a nerd before.âÂ
You barely get the chance to second guess his words when Yeonjun presses his lips against yours. Immediately you freeze as your shoulders jerk up and your back curls against the chair. The hand on your cheek moves to your chin as he grabs ahold of your face, forcing his tongue inside your mouth and you let out a small shriek. â He hums against you, his eyes fluttering closed, lips moving on top of your unresponsive ones.Â
A moment later he pulls back. âYou kiss like a virginâ, he states as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. As soon as the words left his lips, he grins, âbut I bet you are.â â Still too stunned to even speak after his sudden course of action, you merely shake your head as you glance between him and the floor. You werenât a complete virgin, you did have a boyfriend back in high school. Not that the two of you ever went further than kissing though, and even then, his kisses were nothing like Yeonjunâs.Â
Hesitantly you meet his gaze, swallowing down the nerves bubbling in your throat. âCome on now nerdâ, he murmurs as his hands grip onto the armrests of your chair, large arms entrapping you against the old wood. âYouâve done it now havenât you?â â âYou got me here all to yourself, why donât you use it to your advantage hm?â His eyes gleamed with mischief and you knew better than to trust his persuasive ways. Still you found it hard to do anything besides gawk at him, in utter disbelief of what was currently happening.Â
Biting your lip, you let your eyes flit down to his parted lips, focusing a little too long on the sheer layer of saliva that coated them. Yeonjun is quick to pick up on the subtle shift in your focus and he chuckles. You clearly see the way he moves closer, but it still doesnât register that heâs kissing you again until his tongue molds against your own. Despite your initial shock, you try your best to kiss him back this time. You knew that you were probably horrible, but even then, he didnât say anything.
Your breath catches in your throat when his hand envelops one of your breasts, groping it softly. âDonât tell me youâve never had your tits touched?â He drawls, easily noting your uncertain approach. Your silence is almost deafening and the way you squirm when he pinches one of your nipples tells him everything he needs to know. With a small frown he pulls back, just enough for you to see his face. He looks conflicted, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as he runs a hand through his hair. âFuck, you really are a virgin arenât you?â He sounds almostâŚserious and you find yourself slowly nodding as you grip the hem of your skirt tightly.Â
Yeonjun sighs and you hear him mutter something under his breath. His gaze snaps back to you and you can see the shift in his eyes once he settles on a decision. âAlrightâ, he states before quickly dropping to his knees. Baffled you follow his direct movement, shrieking as his hands on your knees part your legs. âWeâll start slowâ, he hums as his fingers dance across the exposed skin of your thighs, your weak arms easily giving up when he pushes your skirt up.Â
âNo need to be nervousâ, he reassures you as his fingers hook around the hem of your panties, âIâve done this plenty of times.â With that, he tugs your underwear down, past your knees, letting them pool around your ankles before his attention shifts to your exposed core. Your legs close in an attempt to shield yourself from his invasive stare but Yeonjun only gruffs out a short breath as he breaks your knees apart once more. â When he doesnât say anything you grow worried, clearing your throat awkwardly as you shift on the chair. You had never done anything like this before so you had no idea if his silence was a good or a bad thing.Â
You donât have to ponder for long as his fingers suddenly graze your folds. The touch was unexpected and you jolted forward as you tried to suppress the surprised noise threatening to escape. The smirk stretching across his lips only grows as Yeonjun basks in the way you react to his simple touch, you were far easier than any of the girls heâd been with. â âEver had anyone touch you like this?â He asks, his voice a low murmur as his attention remains on his fingers sliding against your cunt, gathering the slick that formed as he smeared it all over you.Â
Meekly you shake your head, breathing out a small âno.â He seems satisfied with your answer, his ego inflating by the minute as he watches you writher under his small touches. Everything still felt so surreal, there was no way that this was actually happening, was it? Youâre reminded of all the times you had watched him from afar, sneaking shy glances at him during class, before and after school, in the cafeteria, where he sat with his friends andâŚand his girlfriend. The reminder is enough to pull you from whatever euphoric state that transpired within your body as you jerked away from his touch.Â
Yeonjunâs eyes snap to you with a hint of curiosity and you bite the inside of your cheek, drawing in a small breath before daring to speak. âM-Mimi⌠w-what about her?â â He groans, a frustrated groan, and you wonder if you overstepped. âNerd, someone like you, doesnât count as cheating, got it?â He holds your gaze, speaking clearly, as if giving instructions to a toddler. He grins, a menacing grin, âbesides, shouldnât you be happy? Iâm giving you what your perverted little mind has craved since you first stepped foot here.â Sheepishly you nod, heat rushing to your cheeks at the blunt statements he made.Â
Choi Yeonjun was bold, his words were harsh, and a lot of times they hurt. For some reason that made you like him even more.Â
âNow stop asking obvious questionsâ, he grunts as his hands trail along your thighs, pulling you forward on the chair, ignoring the way you squeal when he nuzzles his face between your legs. â It felt far from what it looked like in the movies, or even in porn. Yeonjun's hot breath against your core, his tongue dragging across your folds, it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand and you gasped as he flicked your clit.Â
It was almost impossible to control the way your thighs twitched, squishing either side of his head as you fought to remain composed. A small whine left your lips as he latched on to your sensitive flesh, licking and sucking on it as if it was the only thing he was capable of doing. You barely register the way one of his hands grab onto your trembling ones, guiding them to his hair as he hums against your cunt. âDonât be so awkwardâ, he mutters, his tongue dwelling deep inside of you, eliciting a moan from you as your fingers immediately twist in his dark locks.Â
Never in a million years had you thought that the study session that you had been far too eager to agree to would turn into something like this. And that Choi Yeonjun of all people would be the first one to see such a part of you. â You didnât know if it was such a good thing. But it was impossible to form a single coherent thought with him between your legs, mouth falling open in surprise as his nose bumps up against your clit. He doesnât seem to mind when you push yourself further onto his face, practically grinding your hips on his mouth as small noises of pleasure ripped from deep within your throat. You were thankful that the library had been vacant for hours.Â
âY-Yeonjun!â His name falls from your lips without registering in your brain beforehand and you almost slap a hand over your mouth as realization washes over you. Yeonjun on the other hand, only chuckles, the sound sending vibrations against your sensitive cunt and you whimper as he withdraws his tongue from within you. â A somewhat familiar sensation bubbled in the depths of your stomach. It wasnât like you hadnât had an orgasm before, but the occurrence was rare, you didnât exactly spend much time with yourself like that.Â
His name is pulled from your chest once more and his grip on your thighs tighten. âYou got something to say, nerd?â He wonders without leaning away from you, hot mouth working against your throbbing core as he draws moans and whines from you. âC-close..â you mumble, feeling your cheeks redden at the small statement, and you were suddenly glad that he was unable to see your flustered face.Â
âCum on my face then, bet youâve never done that before.âÂ
The comment was mean, possibly even degrading, but it still made you clench incoherently around nothing as you released against his waiting lips. To your surprise, he doesnât immediately pull away, his face remaining between your legs as he laps up the aftermath of your orgasm, drinking in the taste of you with a small satisfied groan. â And when he does finally tear himself from your sore cunt, you can barely look him in the eyes, ashamed at what had just transpired between the two of you. Yeonjun doesnât seem affected in the slightest, his thumb wiping away the sticky fluids on his chin before popping them in his mouth. The sight should not have made you throb but it did and you bit your lip.Â
Without warning, he suddenly gets up as he dusts off his pants. âW-where are you going?â Youâre unable to stop yourself from asking. He shoots you a glance that says âwell isnât it obvious?â He sighs, frustrated by your blunt obliviousness, âour session is over, isnât it?âÂ
You blink at him, still recovering from your climax as you pull your panties back on. âBut the study-â â âYouâve got what you wanted, havenât you?â He states as he stares down at you, much like he had on your first day, and your words suddenly fall short as you meet his gaze. Shaking his head, a small chuckle escaped his lips, âIâll see you tomorrow, nerd.âÂ
The last thing you hear are the library doors slamming shut before the room is enveloped in a deafening silence once more.  Â
â¸â¸
Everything had returned to normal the following Tuesday. You could barely wrap your head around it. The snarky comments were back, the pestering stares, whatever had roamed the air yesterday seemed to have completely vanished and you were left dumbfounded. â There was only one exceptionally different thing. Choi Yeonjun.
Part of you had hoped that he wouldnât come to class, but that was a foolish thought. You hear him before you see him, or rather, you hear Beomgyuâs obnoxiously loud voice echoing off the hallways as The Choiâs approach. The classroom falls into a hushed murmur as the door swings open and the three of them enter. â You had told yourself that you would avoid him at all costs. That meant not speaking to him, not looking at him, not even glancing in the same direction as him.Â
You found it to be very hard. But the shame over what had happened not even 24 hours prior kept your gaze trained to the pages of your notebook. Not even as he pulled out his chair, making an agonizingly scraping noise that cut through the otherwise quiet room, did your eyes stray from the words in front of you, rereading them over and over as you tried to get your brain to register them. â You lasted approximately two minutes.Â
One small peek his way confirmed your every fear. Leaning back in his chair, Yeonjun paid you no mind as he scrolled through his phone, one of his hands rubbing the back of his neck as he did. He actedâŚjust like he usually did, as if nothing had happened between the two of you. For a moment you had worried that he would tell everyone, that was a shame you wouldnât be able to bear. But perhaps he was trying to spare his own reputation, you could only hope he would keep quiet. Did he regret it? Probably. Why wouldnât he?Â
What was perhaps even worse than his indifferent mannerism toward you was when Mimi greeted him with a kiss. Flinging her arms around his neck, she pulls him close as she practically shoves her tongue down his throat. Beomgyu makes a vile comment before turning to Soobin but besides that, no one else paid them much mind. Except you. The guilt was eating you alive, and you werenât even the one who had cheated. What would happen if she found out, would she break up with him? Surely she would find a way to put the entire blame on you. You did not dare think of how miserably you would be treated if she found out. It couldnât happen. You would have to talk to Yeonjun about it, one way or another.Â
But how?Â
You tried approaching him at lunch, but you only managed one step in his direction before you chickened out. Then you tried again before English, this time you made it halfway before Soobin swooped in right in front of you, his tall frame covering Yeonjun completely from view and you sighed. Your last shot was after gym. As everyone ventured toward the locker rooms you trailed behind, Yeonjun had, too, stayed to talk with your professor but just as you were about to approach, a tap on your shoulder freezes you in place.Â
âThe hell are you staring at, nerd?â Beomgyuâs voice is filled with distaste as he eyes your sweaty figure, his nose turning up in disgust. Stunned, you fumble for words as your eyes dart between him and Yeonjun, just a few paces away. âN-nothing I was justâŚâ â âJust leaving, right?â He cocks an eyebrow at you and you quickly nod. âY-Yeahâ, you squeak out before rushing off. Why did his friends never stray from his side? It made things so difficult.Â
You were always the last one to leave the changing rooms. Hiding away in the bathroom, you waited for the other girls to finish before you dared to venture out and get changed yourself. It had become somewhat of a routine, not that it was particularly comfortable, but as it was your last lesson of the day, you weren't in any rush. â Whilst you get dressed, your mind concludes with a ton of ideas to approach Yeonjun. It would have to be when there was no one else around, before or after school seemed like your best bet. The only remaining problem was his friends, who seemed to be glued to his side.Â
Grabbing your bag, you walk over to the exit as you think of a way to get him alone. But as the door to the locker room closes behind you, it seems your problems have solved themselves for you.Â
âWhat took you so long?âÂ
Yeonjunâs sharp voice startles you and you almost drop the bag in your hands as your head snaps in his direction. Leaning against the wall, his own gym bag swung over his shoulder, Yeonjun studies you with an indifferent expression plastered across his face. Your mouth falls open as you peer down the empty hallway, completely at loss for words. âY-you waited for me?â You splutter as your attention shifts back to him.Â
He purses his lips as he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, âyes, but Iâm starting to regret it.â â âDo you always take this long?â His voice is laced with annoyance and you swallow as you shake your head. âI- I mean IâŚI didnât know you were waiting I..âÂ
âWhatever, it doesnât matter.â He waves your meek explanation off as he shifts against the wall. Still confused on why he was even here in the first place, you bite your tongue as you wait for him to speak first. But out of everything he couldâve said to you, you had not expected the next words that were to come out of his mouth.Â
âWhenâs our next study session?â
What? He wanted to have another study session? You had been prepared to confront him about yesterday, to tell him, no beg him, to keep quiet. Yet he was asking for another session? You were sure he could read the bewilderment on your face as his lips drew into a grin. âN-next session?â You gawk out as your mouth repeatedly opens and closes. He rolls his eyes before huffing out a short breath of air, âyes our next session, we never settled on a date.â â Well you didnât think he wanted to, you had planned on telling your professor that the whole ordeal had been unsuccessful but here he was, asking for a redo?Â
Was it a good idea to say yes? Considering how last time had played out, the answer was probably not. â âI- Iâm free whenever.â But you obviously were very bad at listening to your gut instincts. However the smile that spread across his face made it all worth it, you felt your heart speeding up at the endearing sight. âPerfectâ, he chimes, âthen weâll do tomorrow 5:30.â You nod but before you can get another word out he adds, âthird floor, room 291.âÂ
Would you guys not be studying in the library? Despite your slight uneasiness, you nod, âalright.â â âMake sure no one sees you on the way there, and donât be late.â He warns before turning on his heel and walking off. You were left stunned as you leaned against the wall, still gripping your bag tightly in your hands as you tried to process what had just happened.Â
â¸â¸
Wednesday rolls around, the day progresses just like any other would. But something feels different, you feel different. Itâs a different kind of excitement, bubbling in the pits of your stomach. You had barely gotten any sleep last night, which was a warning sign on its own because you always made sure to get 8 hours. But you donât feel tired, not in the slightest. And as the last bell of the day rings, you hurry to the bathroom.Â
You never fussed over your appearance, far too busy with having a book stuck under your nose. But today felt different, sure the two of you were just studying, it didnât mean that you couldnât make an effort if you wanted to look nice, right?Â
The sound of bathroom stalls slamming behind you shifts your attention to a group of girls passing by. They all stop as they watch you apply a clear gloss to your lips, their noses scrunching up in disgust. âWhatâs gotten into that freak?â One of them mutters as she makes a move toward you, only to be stopped by one of her friends. âDonât, you might get contaminatedâ, she sneers and the small group burst out into a fit of giggles. â Holding back a small sigh, you ignore them as you wait for them to leave before daring to do the same.Â
Your shoes echo off the now almost empty hallways, it was late enough to where few students lingered behind. Still unfamiliar with the building, you made your way to the third floor. You took no classes here and you had to rely on the numbered doors in order to find 291. It takes a while but soon youâre standing in front of it.Â
Your hands tremble as you hurriedly glance down the hallway, making sure no one saw you. When your gaze returns to the door you realize that it was a lot smaller than the others, its red paint standing out amongst the otherwise beige ones. That was odd. Yet you push any concerns aside as you reach out to twist the handle.Â
Upon stepping inside you quickly realize that this was not a classroom. The room was small, crowded shelves pushed up against all walls, displaying a large range of items, from old books to tools such as screwdrivers and wrenches. Your eyes scan across the multitude of contents as your mind tries to piece together the scene before you.Â
âYouâre awfully punctualâ, Yeonjun drawls as he emerges from a shadowed corner. You jump as you turn to him with a confused frown, âwhatâs this?â â He grins, his hands digging deep into his pockets as he leans against one of the shelves, âthis is where our study sessions will be taking place from now onâ, he explains as he motions for you to have a look around. From now on? But there was hardly room to study here, was there?Â
Quickly noting your perplexed expression, Yeonjunâs grin widens. âWell come on now, nerd. You didnât actually think I was planning on sitting down and doing algebra with you?â Your frown deepens, lips parting as your eyes dart between him and the cramped space. âBut whatâŚthen why are we here?â You ask as you readjust the rather heavy bag on your shoulder. â He chuckles, shaking his head as he takes a step forward, that single step is enough to get him right in front of you, his chest dangerously close to yours. His hand slides up your arm, reaching your shoulder as he hooks two fingers under the strap holding your bag. âUse that clever little brain of yours for something other than your studies, and maybe you will start to see the bigger picture.âÂ
Your bag hits the floor with a thud as Yeonjunâs hand returns to your shoulder, fingers twiddling the collar of your blouse as he waits for the wheels in your head to finally turn. And when they do, you glance up at him, your eyes wide with realization. âYeonjun I⌠I donât knowâŚâ Your eyes flit toward the door, mind altering between your options, stay or go, stay or go, stay orâÂ
âTell me now.âÂ
His voice is calm and his posture remains stoic as he peers down at you. âIâm not about to waste my time on a loser like you if youâre not even into it.â He sneers as his hand lets go of your collar, pushing you back, only slightly, but enough for you to hit the shelf behind you. Was he seriously asking for your opinion right now, for your consent? Choi Yeonjun was willing to spend time on you, with you. The news were hard to melt and you found yourself awkwardly gazing up at him as your mind fumbled for an answer.Â
âWhatâs it going to be, nerd?â He tskâs before leaning forward, one of his hands resting on the shelf next to your face as he cages you against it. Briefly you considered turning back, walking away, to return to your otherwise dull life as you watched him from afar. You remembered Mimi, his girlfriend, the guilt and shame, suddenly it came crashing down all over again. But you also remembered his words: âsomeone like you, doesnât count as cheatingâ. Had he really meant that? If not, why else would he be here right now?Â
In the end, you nod. âO-Okayâ, your voice comes out as a small peep and you curse yourself for not controlling it better. The smug smirk that immediately crawled onto his face should have been a waving warning flag, yet you ignore it, too caught up in the way his eyes darted to your lips, eyeing the clear coat of gloss youâd previously applied. His thumb swipes across the sticky substance. âI was about to tell you not to disappoint meâ, he murmurs before pulling your lip down, âbut I can already tell that you wonât.âÂ
Your heart swelled at the small praise, and you leaned into his touch. You hear him scoff at your blunt advances, his lips twitching as he eyes your eager figure. âYou virgins really are gullible.â â He presses his mouth against yours, making you gasp in surprise as your pupils blow wide. In what you guessed to be an attempt at loosening you up, his hands roam up and down your sides, settling on your waist as he pushes himself closer, grinding his hips against yours.Â
You had no clue of what to focus on, his tongue in your mouth, his hands on your waist, or the way his thigh pushed between your legs, rubbing against your panties in a way that had you practically squealing. â You knew that he was enjoying the reactions he pulled from you, ever so sensitive to his smallest of touches. Itâs not long before his hand is on your thigh, gradually moving along your skin before reaching the hem of your underwear. He pushes the fabric to the side, fingers sliding across your already pathetically wet folds before finding your clit, as if they had done this a hundred times.
The moans you emit are all swallowed by his hungry lips on yours as he lets you grind yourself onto his hand. None of the previous hesitation you had felt during your session in the library was present in your mind, all you could think about was how good he felt, how you didn't want him to stop, and how you wanted more, a lot more.Â
âMore.âÂ
You can feel him smirk against you, your desperate whine ringing out into the hot air. â âYeah?â He muses before pulling back, his lips are coated in your clear gloss, the sight was strangely enticing and you find yourself nibbling on your own lip as you sheepishly nod. He chuckles, pressing his lips against yours whilst he hikes your leg around his waist, the small adjustment bringing you even closer to him, and as you feel the hard bulge through his pants, reality slowly sets in.Â
But you canât stop now, you donât want to. The sound of him undoing his zipper becomes a muffled noise somewhere in the background as your arms wrap around his neck, clinging to him in every way possible. â He breaks the kiss, confused, your eyes flutter open as you try and peer at him in the dim light of the storage room. You briefly catch him tearing a small package open with his teeth and for a moment youâre left completely dumbfounded before realizing that it mustâve been a condom.Â
People wore condoms for one of two reasons, either they were avoiding knocking someone up, or they were afraid of catching diseases. But what disease could you possibly be carrying? So that would mean⌠You donât have time to ponder on the matter further as you feel the tip of his cock against your folds. Immediately your eyes shoot open as your hands grip onto his shoulders. Suddenly everything seemed very real, perhaps a little too real.Â
âTell me if it hurtsâ, he murmurs, his forehead leaning against your own and you meekly nod. Was it supposed to hurt? You draw in a sharp breath as you feel him slowly push inside, the stretch of his fingers had been nothing compared to this and you felt completely unprepared. His movements come to an abrupt halt as he leans back to gauge your reaction with a wary expression. Quickly nodding, you loosen your grip on his shoulders, breathing out a small ââm fine.âÂ
âYeah?â He wonders and you nod once more. Only when heâs fully inside, do you dare let out the breath you had been holding in; feeling your body relax against his. âYou feelinâ okay?â His genuine question catches you off guard and you give a small nod of assurance. âY-Yeah I am..â â He smirks, then he captures your lips in a small kiss, the gesture distracts you from the moment he begins to move, gently rocking his hips into you and you gasp against his mouth.Â
âFuckâ, he grunts. With one hand around your waist and the other maintaining a steady grip on the shelf behind you, he slowly thrusts inside of you. âAre all virgins this tight?â He murmurs, the question was rhetorical and he doesnât give you the chance to answer, âor is it just you nerd?â â âI bet it is.â He sounds menacing but his ragged breathing makes it hard for you to tell if heâd really meant it or not.Â
The items on the shelf rattle as his pace grows quicker, harsher, drawing moans and whimpers from you with every move his hips, cock stretching you wide as you claw against his shoulders. He leans back, enough to where he can watch the way your lips part, your now smudged gloss spread across your cheeks and chin as you whine. His gaze drops to your chest, fingers quickly beginning to work on the buttons that concealed you from him. Flicking them open one by one, Yeonjunâs hand quickly tears your blouse apart, eyes darting to your plump breasts as they bounced in rhythm with his movement.Â
âYouâve got some nice tits for a nerdâ, he muses, his hand groping your chest as his thumb flicks along your covered nipple. Feeling your cheeks redden, you only moan as he draws deeper inside of you, the tip of his cock brushing against parts of you that made you squirm. â Yeonjun made you think of yourself, see yourself, in ways you never had before, and it was exciting.Â
âHas anyone ever told you that, hm?â He sneers, his hand pushing your breasts together as he watches the flesh squish against one another, groaning at the sight. Unable to form a single coherent thought, much less a full sentence, you merely shake your head. âWell you do. You got some of the nicest tits Iâve ever seen.â He grunts, hips snapping against you. The compliment makes you throb around him, your orgasm approaching at a rapid pace and your fairly short nails dig into his shoulders.Â
âP-Pleaseâ, you wail and Yeonjun rolls his eyes, letting out a gruff sigh. âThought you would last longer than this, nerd.â â âBut donât worryâ, he murmurs, leaning in close as his lips trail the shell of your ear, âit comes with practice.â He moves down your neck, prepping your skin in soft kisses before he pulls it between his teeth.Â
You whimper when his thumb rubs at your clit, legs trembling around his waist as your hands move to his hair, fingers threading through his dark locks before securely latching on. It doesnât take much for your high to hit, your cunt clenching down around his cock as it pulls him in further. â Yeonjun curses under his breath as his hips jerk forward before stuttering. In the pure ecstasy of the moment, you roughly pull his face from your neck as you crash your lips against his. You knew that it was messy, sloppy and uncalculated, but you didnât care as long as you got to feel him this close to you.Â
You hear him sigh, you canât tell if heâs content or not. But a moment later he breaks the kiss, gazing at you with a clouded expression as a small grin tugs at his mouth. He bites his lip, eyes dropping to your chest one final time before he pulls out, making you wince at the sudden feel of emptiness. â âNot too bad for a first timerâ, he comments as he rids himself off the condom. You open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it.Â
âSame time Friday, got it?â  Â
â¸â¸
Your study sessions with Yeonjun became a regular thing, and every instance was just like the former. They would take place after school, in room 291, shielded away from prying eyes as he had his way with you. You were there, at his every beck and call, never once showing up late nor canceling. â It was both thrilling and excruciating. You knew that whatever transpired between the two of you was nothing personal and only temporary. Yet you couldnât help but long for something more; you longed for Yeonjun to like you back.Â
It was probably a selfish thought, a selfish fantasy. But the images of Mimi flashing before your eyes, which had previously filled you with both dread and guilt, were suddenly replaced with a feeling of superiority. Because even if she didnât know it, her boyfriend fucked someone else on the side, her boyfriend was cheating on her, with you. And it felt good. Often you had to hold yourself back from letting said fact slip past your lips. The scenarios would sometimes look something like thisâŚÂ
âWatch where youâre going, nerd.â Mimi spits after purposefully crashing into you in an almost empty hallway that provided more than enough room for two parties to pass. Her friends turn to you with a scowl as they fold their arms across their chests. Your eyes dart between them and their vengeful leader before flitting down the long corridor, down to where The Choiâs were hanging out.Â
Making the mistake of letting your gaze linger, garners her attention as Mimi snaps her fingers in front of your face. âWhat the fuck are you looking at nerd?â She barks as her eyes follow yours. She scoffs, her lips curling into a smirk, âdo you think my boyfriend looks good or something?��� Her question rips your attention back as you feverishly shake your head. â Mimi only laughs, her friends quickly joining in as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
âItâs okay, I donât blame you, really.â She tries to appear nice, perhaps even pitiful, but the malicious intent behind her words linger. You shake your head once more, âno I wasnât I..â She holds up a finger to silence you, âcome on now, itâs obvious. Everyone knows you have a thing for him.â She practically giggles as she covers her painted lips with a hand. Your cheeks feel as if they were on fire, your gaze dropping to your shoes as you bite the inside of your cheek.Â
âBut donât worryâ, she leans closer, her breath, which reeked of the strawberry bubblegum she always chewed, fans across your face. âYouâre not exactly his type.âÂ
The statement almost made you scoff. Not his type? Was that what it was? You briefly considered telling her, telling her what her boyfriend was doing behind her back, and with the school nerd at that. The one girl she thought she didnât have to worry about. It was almost a bit comedic. But you held your tongue. No matter how bad you wanted to crush whatever illusion she had going on, you couldnât. Besides, Yeonjun would probably just deny it, and who would believe you?
Speaking of Choi Yeonjun. â He had become almost insufferable outside of your sessions. From barely looking at you in class to bringing attention to you at almost every possible second, Yeonjun was now the sole epitome of the bullying you endured. Whether it was the nasty and mean comments he shared with Beomgyu, his words echoing out through the classroom as he brought the whole class to laughter. Or the multiple times in which heâd trip you over in the hallways, undoubtedly peeking up your skirt as he did, but of course, no one noticed that, and if they did, they didnât fault him.Â
Choi Yeonjun did nothing wrong. He never did. So when he invites you to a party, your very first one, you don't know what to say.Â
âThink about itâ, he huffs as he zips his pants back up. The air in the small storage unit felt hot and stuffy, your clothes sticking to your sweaty body as you pulled your panties on. âI donât know..â you quietly murmur, glancing down toward the dark floor as you twist your hands behind your back. â Yeonjun sighs, running a hand through his hair before he tries again. âWhy not? Donât tell me youâre scared.âÂ
You shake your head. âIâm not. ButâŚI donât know anyone, I donât⌠I canât just show up there.â You argue before swallowing the lump in your throat. It had been an outright baffling proposal on his side. What would people think if you just turned up? â âTell them I invited you, theyâll let you in.â You blink up at him, was he being for real right now?Â
âY-You?â He nods, as if it was a given. âMake sure to wear something half decent at least.â He says, giving your shoulder a pat before he pushes past you and out of the small room, leaving you in the dark once more.Â
â¸â¸
Something half decent? What was something, half decent? You didnât know, and it took you about an hour to pick out a dress you thought would be suitable. It wasnât particularly short, stopping at your knees, the dark purple complimented your skin nice, you thought. But it felt uncomfortable to walk in, and with one hand wrapped around the fabric, you pull it down as you near the driveway of a large villa.Â
Your eyes flit across the scenery, it was dark out, but the house remained lit despite the late hour. Music was playing, loud enough to where the beat echoed out across the empty street. Swallowing a gulp, you run a hand through your styled hair one final time before daring to step inside.
Immediately youâre greeted by a large number of perplexed eyes, everyone slowly turning to you as you venture further into the villa, reaching the filled kitchen space. âWhatâs she doing here?â âDid someone invite her?â âI canât believe she would actually show up.â â You cringe at their remarks, trying your best to ignore them as your eyes scan for Yeonjun. What if he wasnât here? What if this had all been a ploy to draw you out and humiliate you further. You shouldnât have come here, you really shouldâÂ
âWhat the fuck are you doing here?â
Mimiâs harsh voice snaps you from your small trance as she immediately corners you. Freezing on the spot, your hands curl into fists as you turn to her. Desperate for a way to defend yourself, to explain the situation, or to just escape all together, your mind spirals with excuses. Your lips part but you canât seem to get a single syllable out. âCome on nerd, I asked you a question.â She huffs, growing impatient as she takes a step forward, her chest almost touching yours.Â
âIâmâŚI..â Could you really tell her that her boyfriend invited you? Would she believe you? No, of course not, no one would. You bite the inside of your cheek, eyes flitting across the crowded kitchen. â âDid you come here to make a scene or something? I mean come on, youâre not even a senior.â Her comment makes everyone hum in agreement as they nod, some even sharing a couple of laughs.Â
She was right, and even if she wasnât, it wouldnât matter. You stood no chance against anyone in this room. Tears prickle in the corner of your eyes and for the first time since you came here, you actually felt like crying. Taking in a small breath, you slowly exhale again. âWell IâŚâÂ
âI invited her.âÂ
Your heart practically froze over as Yeonjunâs voice cut through the tense air. Quiet murmurs carry out through the room as everyone redirects their attention. Somewhere in front of you, you can hear Mimi scoff as she takes a small step back. âWhat?â She questions and you finally dare to lift your gaze, your eyes immediately locking with Yeonjunâs as he leans against the kitchen island, seemingly unbothered by the small uproar taking place.Â
Mimi on the other hand seemed to be fuming as she glanced between her boyfriend and you. âWhat do you mean you invited her?â She seethes, her voice laced with hatred and spite. Yeonjun shrugs as he digs his hands into his pockets, an indifferent look on his face. âCome on now, loosen up a little. Itâs our responsibility as her seniors to take good care of her, donât you agree?â He lets his gaze wander across the multiple eyes directed at him, everyone seeming to break under his stare as they quietly nod.Â
He cocks an eyebrow in the direction of his girlfriend, âthen thereâs no problem, hm?â Mimiâs mouth had fallen open as she watched him win everyone over within a matter of seconds. Though quickly regaining her composure as she nods, muttering out a quiet, âwhateverâ, before she pushes past you with such force that you almost lose your balance.
Yeonjun sighs as he moves off the countertop, placing a hand on Beomgyuâs shoulder, âget her something to drink wonât you?â His friend frowns, âwhy me?â But Yeonjun doesnât pay him any further mind as he, too, takes his leave, most likely in search of his raging girlfriend.Â
As soon as he leaves, the previous tension seems to lift as everyone returns to whatever conversation they had been preoccupied with earlier. You breathe out a small sigh as you wrap your arms around you, leaning against the kitchen island as you keep your gaze down. â A drink is shoved in front of you, itâs reddish hue making you frown as you gingerly take it from Beomgyuâs outstretched hand. âT-Thanksâ, you mumble as you grip the plastic cup tightly.Â
Youâre surprised when he doesnât leave, instead he groans as he takes place beside you, resting his hands on the countertop behind him. âYâknow I really donât understand why he invited you of all people.â He begins and you can feel his eyes roam your body with distaste. Swallowing, you quietly nod as you sip on the drink, it wasnât at all as bitter as you had expected it to be, rather it tasted kind of sweet.Â
âIâŚI donât know eitherâ, you shyly mumble, keeping the cup to your lips as you occupy yourself with gazing down at the liquid swirling around. Beomgyu scoffs as he shakes his head, âOf course you donât. No one knows whatâs going on in that thick skull of his.â â His words came outâŚalmost insulting, and you wondered why he chose to speak in such a way about his friend.Â
âYouâve got some guts though, Iâll give you that.â He states, running a hand through his messy hair as his eyes fixate on something in front of him. Surprised at the sudden almost compliment-like statement, you glance up at him in sheer bewilderment. âNot many people in your shoes wouldâve come hereâ, he adds as he gives you a quick one-over. âNo offense yâknow, but you kinda lookâŚâ His nose scrunches up in what you could only guess to be disgust and you bite the inside of your cheek as your gaze drops to your dress.Â
âO-Oh yeahâŚI guess.âÂ
Beomgyu chuckles, âMy, are you gullible.â You internally wince at his words, a small grimace flickering across your face as you take another sip of your drink. You can feel his eyes on you as Beomgyu studies you closely, a little too close. âYâknow, maybe I do understand why he invited youâ, he sniggers, pushing himself off the kitchen island, he leaves without saying another word.Â
Left confused and yet again, alone, you chew on the plastic of your cup as you wonder how long you would have to stay before it would become appropriate to leave.Â
â¸â¸
You think an hour had passed, it felt like three. Back pressed against the wall of the open-spaced living room, your eyes roam the makeshift dance floor as you watch the way your classmates enjoy their evening together. Your presence had soon become old news and after your first encounter, Mimi had left you alone, and so did everyone else. You were thankful, you supposed. But you still didnât know why Yeonjun had invited you, much less why you had even decided to show up. Because right now, he was nowhere to be seen.Â
You think that you might be able to just sneak out, leave, go home and forget that this evening ever took place. This wasnât for you, that much you could tell. You would face the embarrassment come Monday, but today, now, all you wanted to do was evaporate.Â
Standing up a bit straighter, you tug your dress down once more, preparing to leave. Itâs only then he makes an appearance. Itâs quick, so much so that if it werenât for the subtle tap to your forearm, you wouldâve probably missed him as he passed you by. Your eyes follow Yeonjunâs retreating frame as he aims for the staircase, leading to the second floor. Before climbing the first step, he throws a quick glance over his shoulder, eyes finding yours as he flashes you a small smirk.Â
You gulp as you watch him disappear again. Nervously chewing on your bottom lip, your gaze flits across the room, no one was looking at you. Still you wait another five minutes before aiming for the stairs as well. Each step forward made your legs feel like jelly and you steadied yourself against the railing.Â
The second floor consists of a long hallway, with doors either side of it, reaching down to at least four of them. Your heartbeat picks up at the thought of having to push all of them open as you carefully peeked inside. But your attention is drawn to the third one on the right, slightly ajar as a yellow light seeps through its cracks. Hesitantly you venture forward, coming to a halt in front of it as you debate your next move. Did you knock? Call out for him? Was he even there? Maybe you were seeing things. There was only one way to find out was there?Â
Mustering up whatever courage you have left, you gently push the door open. The room is⌠a bedroom. A small onesize bed, pushed up against the window alongside the empty bedside table, tells you that itâs most likely a guest room. Your eyes flit to the armchair in the corner, widening as they land on Yeonjunâs figure, sprawled out against the cushion, a hand down his pants as he lazily strokes himself. He watches you with a faint smirk, his head leaning back against the backrest, eyes half lidded as they peer over at you.Â
What was going on? You glance back and out into the hallway, afraid that someone, anyone, might walk by. What if Mimi came looking for him? But you were almost certain heâd meant for you to follow him. Quickly you shut the door behind you, locking it for good measure. Yeonjun watches your hurried movements with an amused expression, the hand on his cock unwavering.
âW-Whatâs all this?â You quietly wonder, willing your eyes to look anywhere but him, anywhere but the hand down his trousers. He doesnât say anything, lifting his free hand, his index finger beckons you over and you hesitantly comply. Stopping by the chair, you awkwardly clasp your hands together in front of you as you wait for him to break the stale silence.Â
âYou look nice tonight.â He finally says, his voice seemingly indifferent as he shamelessly lets his gaze roam your body, stopping at the slight cleavage your dress provided. In the dim light casted by only a small lamp on the drawer next to him, you were unsure if he could make out the blush coating your cheeks or not. âThank you..âÂ
He hums, readjusting himself on the soft cushions as his legs spread further apart. It takes everything in you not to let your gaze drop. For a moment everything is quiet, and you wonder why he had even bothered to get you up here in the first place. But then he sighs, the small exhale easily garnering your attention as you shift on the spot.Â
âHave you ever blown someone before?âÂ
He asks the question as if it were any other and you feel the color on your cheeks intensifying. He canât just ask someone something like thatâŚBut then again, there was little Choi Yeonjun couldnât do. Part of you doesnât understand why he even bothered to ask, wasnât it obvious? Another part of you suspects that he wants to hear you admit it, wants to see you get flustered as you shake your head, squeaking out a meek âno, never.âÂ
Thatâs exactly what you do. â He smirks, a wide smirk, exposing his sharp teeth as his free hand grabs onto one of your own. You let him pull you to your knees, the soft carpet beneath your bare skin felt nice but it was hard to focus on anything but the bulge in front of your face, the movement of his hand visible through the material of his pants.Â
âIâll teach youâ, he mumbles, letting go of your hand as he pushes your hair back, gaze wandering across the light makeup you had applied, lingering by the cherry red lipstick on your lips. You slowly nod, hands gripping onto the hem of your dress with such force that youâre surprised it doesnât tear.Â
Without further warning he leans back, swiftly pulling his cock free from his jeans as he continues to stroke it, now only inches from your face. Sure you and Yeonjun had hooked up before, in the darkness of the small storage unit, in places where you never paid his dick much attention apart from when it was inside of you. This was the first time you actually saw it, you think, and this close too.Â
Your jaw goes slack as your eyes trail across the large veins climbing up his shaft, coated in a sheer layer of arousal, seeping through his fingers as they wrapped around the length of it. Gulping, you eye the tip, a bright red hue as droplets of precum spilled from the slit. You would be lying if you said that the sight didnât make your thighs clench together. â Obviously enjoying your stunned response, Yeonjun groans as he gives himself a particularly harsh tug, making your eyes widen further as they flicker from his cock to his face and back again.Â
âCome hereâ, he directs you to scoot forward and you do, offering your hand for him to take as he guides it to wrap around his shaft. He felt hard and heavy in your palm, and you bite your lip as you try to gauge his reaction. Letting his hand drop to his sides, Yeonjun sinks back against the cushion as he peers down at you. âStart slow, donât use too much pressure but donât be afraid to touch me. Iâll tell you when you can speed up.â He instructs as he lets his head fall back, getting comfortable as he pays you little mind.Â
Your attention returns to his cock in your hand, doing as he said, you slowly let your palm glide up and down, fingers quickly becoming coated in the shiny layer of his arousal. You canât tell if he likes it or not, he gives little reaction as he stares up at the ceiling. You want to ask him, you want him to reassure you, but it feels stupid to ask, and you hate feeling stupid.Â
His hand joins in on top of your own, guiding your fingers to his tip, which you had purposefully avoided as you didnât know how to approach it. âFlick your wrist like thisâ, he murmurs, letting your palm glide over the head before returning to stroke him. He only shows you once before his hand moves back to his side. But you can tell that heâs watching you now, eyes tailing your every movement as you repeat what he had just showed you, rolling your hand over his tip, drawing a small huff of air from him.Â
âUse your thumbâ, he breathes, and your gaze flickers to his face in slight confusion before catching on. The next time you twist your wrist over his head, you press the surface of your thumb against the slit. He shudders under you, a small groan passing his lips and your heart speeds up at the small confirmation you just received. It managed to boost your confidence enough to where you gripped him more firmly, experimentally squeezing his cock, just like he had done moments prior, relishing in the way his breath hitched.Â
âYou can go -f-fuck- faster.â He grunts, his hands sliding against the armrests of the chair, fingers digging into the plush cushion. Quickly nodding, youâre happy to oblige, repeating your previous movements but with an increased pace as your eyes dart between his leaking dick and his slightly contorted face.Â
When he first twitches in your hand, youâre taken back. Surprised by the sudden movement yet you felt yourself throb as you tugged at him even harsher, wanting to pull that very same reaction from him once more. â Heâs stopped guiding you, biting down on the inside of his cheek as he tries to muffle whatever noises threaten to escape. You donât mind, in fact it only spurred you on further as you flicked your wrist over his flushed tip once more.Â
His hips buck up against your hand as he lets out a strangled noise. His hand quickly finds its way to your hair, brushing it back as he breathes out through his nose. âFuck, slow downâ, he mutters, tugging at your hair as he forces your face up to meet his, âIâll cum before youâve even blown me at this rate.â The statement made your chest swell with pride, still, your hand slows down as you settle back into a more languid pace.Â
He takes a moment to open his eyes, drawing in a few ragged breaths before he does. The hand in your hair moves to your face, cupping your cheeks as he pulls you closer, the tip of his cock merely inches from your lips and you swallow. âRelaxâ, he says, fingers pulling your mouth open and you let him. âBreathe through your nose, and donât use your teeth.â â You slowly nod, your hands bracing themselves on his thighs as he taps his cock against your parted lips, smearing his arousal all over your cherry lipstick.Â
He pushes inside slowly, you wince at the stretch, your mouth widening as much as it allows. The first thing you note is the salty taste, it isnât particularly strong and youâre relieved. But no matter how hard you tried to relax your jaw, when his cock hit the back of your throat you instinctively pulled back with a small gag. â Yeonjun tskâs above you, the hand on your cheeks gripping you firmer as he pulls you back onto his dick. âThought I told you to relax, no?â He murmurs, letting out a breathy moan as you let him slide himself back into your hot mouth.  Â
Your eyes screw shut as you focus on evening out your breathing, taking steady breaths in and out through your nose as you allow your tense frame to relax under him. âThink of it as the same as what you did with your hand.â His fingers relax against your cheek, thumb grazing your skin as he feels the way his cock slides in and out of your pliant lips. â It feels weird at first, uncomfortable too, but after a while you slowly get used to the feeling of him in your mouth.Â
Hesitantly wrapping your lips around him, you press your tongue flat against him as you carefully bob your head up and down. He groans somewhere above you and your eyes flutter open as you peer up at him through your mascara coated lashes. Yeonjun always looked good, but there was something about him like this, from this view. A sheer layer of sweat that made his dark hair stick to his forehead, his parted lips and furrowed brows, you clenched at the sight, taking him deeper and with much more urgency.Â
Something about tonight feltâŚspecial, perhaps even more intimate than all your past encounters. Maybe it had to do with the change of scenery. The dimly lit bedroom, the plush armchair, the fine carpet, you canât place it, but something is different. And for the first time, you can only think about Yeonjun, not his girlfriend, his friends or even your classmates. It was only him.Â
Remembering how you had pressed your thumb against his slit earlier, you pull back to refocus your attention to only his tip, your hand joining in to stroke the rest of him. You press your tongue flat against his head before swirling it to the best of your abilities, watching intently as Yeonjunâs brows drew further together, a breathy moan ripping from deep within his chest.Â
âF-Fucking hellâ, he groans, his head falling back against the cushion. âFuck âm gonna-â His hips jerk forward, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat and you pull back with a small wince, unprepared for when his hot cum spurted into your mouth. Not really knowing which approach to take, you continue to suck him off, cum dribbling down your chin as you fought to swallow the rest without losing your breath once more. Yeonjun slumps back against the armchair, his hand releasing its hold on your cheeks as he lets it fall to his side.Â
Carefully pulling off of him, you sit back as you begin wiping your chin with the back of your hand. You steal a glance at him, his chest heaving as he catches his breath. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head as a small grin etches its way to his lips. â âWasâŚwas it okay?â Your words are barely above a whisper, and he cocks an eyebrow at you, his grin widening.Â
âSure it was, nerd.âÂ
You blink up at him, âreally?â â He chuckles, tucking himself back into his pants with a small grimace. âWould I have asked you to do it if I had doubts?â He retorts and you bite your lip, no perhaps not you supposed. âYouâll get even better with a bit of practiceâ, he reassures you, giving your head a light pat before getting up.Â
Heâs reached the door before he turns back to you, âwait another fifteen minutes or so before leaving, yeah?â Without waiting to hear your answer, he unlocks the door and steps out, slamming it shut behind him.Â
â¸â¸
You spent another thirty minutes aimlessly wandering around the large villa, astonished by how someone could afford a place this big. You still had no clue whose house this even was, and no one seemed to care for the sake either. â Halfway down a long corridor, filled with what you could only assume to be modern art, you suddenly freeze in your tracks as the voices of someone else joins your quiet footsteps.Â
After spending a rough minute trying to locate the source of the sound, you finally realize that itâs coming from behind one of the larger pillars a few paces ahead. Debating your choices for a solid ten seconds, you opt to try and eavesdrop, if only for a moment. And as you quietly creep forward, their conversation suddenly becomes a lot more clear. â Shuffling to squeeze yourself behind another pillar, you lean against the cool marble as you try and pick up on whatâs being said.Â
You knew the voices belonged to two of the girls from your class, but you were unable to pair them with any faces. â âDid he really?â One of them asks, her voice is slightly high-pitched, almost a bit squeaky. Her friendâs voice is fairly deeper as she replies, âYes! And it was a week before her birthday too!â A small gasp. âYou donât mean⌠But with whom?â The first girl asks.Â
Thereâs a brief pause, and you, too, find yourself holding your breath as you await the second girl's answer. âWith Hera..â You frown, unable to recognize the name but the other girl seemed more than aware as she let out a small shriek, earning a sharp âhush!â from her friend. â âBut thatâsâŚâ the first girl begins only to be interrupted by her friend, âher best friend.âÂ
Their conversation made little sense in your ears, and with a small sigh you turned to walk the other way when suddenly, a familiar name surfaced. â âBut it was kind of obvious was it notâ, the girl with the deeper voice begins, âYeonjun has cheated on Mimi with practically all of her friends. Sheâs bound to find out some day, itâs only a matter of time.âÂ
You felt your face fall as your heart plummeted through your stomach. Had you heard them right? You hoped you hadnât but the first girl quickly butts in as she confirms what you dreaded. âI told her from the start that Yeonjun was promiscuous, but she didnât listen of courseâ, the girl huffs as her friend hums in agreement. âBetter her than meâ, she adds.Â
You had heard enough. That was it, you were going home. Turning on your heel, you quietly dart down the long corridor. â You knew that you didn't have a reason to be upset, hell he had even cheated on his girlfriend with you. It still didnât stop the tears that pricked in your eyes as you pushed past the crowd in the kitchen. A small part of you had thought, perhaps even hoped that maybe, maybe what he saw in you was different from what he saw in Mimi. God youâre so stupid. You quietly mutter, reaching the open living room just in time to see who you had hoped you wouldnât.Â
Near the front door, leaning against the wall, was Yeonjun, arms wrapped around his girlfriendâs frame as she pressed sloppy kisses to his neck. Your mind flashes with the images of what had taken place between the two of you not even an hour ago. Yet here he was, shamelessly buttering his so-called girlfriend up as if he hadnât had you on his cock moments prior. And to think that you had allowed yourself to become part of his crowd, it was disgusting.Â
You finally saw Choi Yeonjun for what he really was. A fucking asshole. And with that clarification in mind, you forcefully push past the pair as you march out of the front door, leaving the still lively party behind as you begin your journey home.Â
â¸â¸
Monday came all too fast. The aftermath of the party is still fresh in your mind as you rummage through your locker. You had spent the whole weekend reanalyzing your every interaction with Yeonjun; from the day you first met to the thirty minutes spent in the guest bedroom just two days ago. You questioned his true intentions, more than twice. But no matter how many hours you tossed and turned in bed, you got no closer to solving the mystery that was Choi Yeonjun.Â
Slamming the red steel door shut, you almost drop the books in your arm as you come face to face with the person you least wanted to see. â Yeonjun leans against the locker next to yours as he studies your face intently. Quickly you turn around to see if anyone was watching the two of you before shifting your attention back to him. âWhat are you doing?â You whisper as you watch him with a wary expression.Â
He only shrugs, a small grin playing on his lips. âSee me after classâ, he nods in the direction of the stairs, leading to the third floor and you internally sigh. Still, you should talk to him, you really should, so you nod. âOkay.â â His grin widens as Yeonjun pushes himself off the locker, continuing down the hallway without another word.Â
You find yourself counting down the hours, lesson after lesson, your eyes remain glued to the clock on the wall. In fact, youâre so focused on the afternoon ahead that the insults thrown your way merely passes over your head. â Then finally, after what feels like an eternity, you find yourself walking up the steps and past the doors as you neared room 291.
He was already there, waiting for you. And as soon as the red door closes behind you, heâs got you pressed up against it, hungry lips on yours within a matter of seconds as his hands roam your body. It was easy to get caught up in his world, his kisses and his touches, you have to remind yourself of why you came here. His name falls from your lips, but itâs not the usual desperate whine, itâs serious, you know that he can tell, humming against your lips yet his hands donât stray away from wandering beneath your shirt.Â
"Yeonjun, wait."Â
He stills, if only for a moment, leaning back slightly as his lips brush against yours. Taking in a deep breath, you prepare yourself for the conversation to come. You had rehearsed it many times in your head, but as you glance up at him in the dim light of the storage unit, you find it hard to even look him in the eyes. âIâŚIâve been thinkingâ, you slowly begin, watching the faint smirk that surfaces on his face. âDonât you always, nerd.â He mutters, his hands resuming their journey up your chest, flicking the buttons to your shirt open as his mouth leaves hot kisses against your neck.Â
You try to ignore the burning sensation sparking through your body, forcing yourself to go through with what you wanted to say. âYes but, Iâve been thinking aboutâŚabout us.â â Your words make his hands around your breasts stutter and he goes quiet against you. Biting your lip, you hold your breath as you wait for him to say something, but he doesnât, only humming against your skin as he continues to litter you in red marks.Â
âWhat makes you think there is an âusâ?âÂ
His question makes your composure fall as you let out a shaky exhale. âThere isn't?" You hesitantly ask, already anticipating the answer you were bound to receive. â He pulls away from you with a perplexed expression. Then he laughs, itâs short, cruel, he shakes his head. âDonât be funnyâ, he mutters as he runs a hand through his dark hair. âYou know that I have a girlfriend, nerd.â He spits the words out like the venomous bite of a snake. His gaze drops to your unbuttoned blazer, briefly passing the harsh bruises heâd previously left on your chest.
âDonât think youâre anything else besides a quick fuck.âÂ
Oh. There it was. He finally said it, he finally confirmed what you had been dreading all along. You werenât stupid, you knew that whatever the two of you had was nothing romantic. But hearing those words come out of his mouth, it hurt more than you ever thought it wouldâve. Still, it was just what you needed. With your palms pressed against his chest, you push him back, as far away from you as the small room allowed.Â
âI donât think I want to be that.âÂ
Your voice is trembling as you speak and you have to force your gaze not to drop down to your shoes. Letting your hands fall back against your sides, you draw in a small breath, holding it as you watch Yeonjunâs face form into a confused frown. âWhat the fuck is that supposed to mean?â He huffs, sounding almost angry as his hands clenched into fists before relaxing again.Â
You bite the inside of your cheek, giving a meek shrug of your shoulders. âI donât want to be just a⌠a quick fuck.â You murmur, unable to maintain his intense gaze, you let your eyes drop to the floor. He scoffs, leaning back against the shelves with such force that the items behind him rattled. âDo you honestly believe that anyone else is even going to consider fucking you, nerd?â He was pissed, that much you could tell.Â
Shaking your head, you blink away the tears that had managed to form in your eyes. âI donât care, I justâŚâ, you exhale, praying that your voice wouldnât break as you continued, âI just donât think this is for me.â â Yeonjun laughs, the same laugh that echoed off the classroom walls as he made fun of you. You realize then just how fucked up your situation had become. How could you have allowed yourself to stoop to such a level?Â
âI gave you so much, and you⌠you donât think that itâs for you?â He jeers, taking a step forward as he comes face to face with you once more. But now none of the previous lust and desire remained, only fury. All you can do is continuously shake your head, not daring to meet his gaze. âNo. Itâs not.â You state as you tear your eyes from the floor, it takes everything in you to not have your resolve crumbling as you peer up at him.Â
âSo letâs stop.âÂ
You motion toward the small unit you were currently standing in. âWhatever this is, was, letâs end it now.â You swallow, hard, the sound ringing in your ears. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair once more, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as his eyes flit between you and the door. âYou want to end things? Fine.â His voice lacks all the anger it previously held, now sounding almost monotone.Â
âBut donât come crying when you realize just how much youâre about to lose.â He drawls, eyes boring into yours one final time before he pushes past you, knocking you back against the wall as he rips the door open. Darkness envelops you as soon as it's slammed shut behind him, and you finally let out the sob you had been holding in.Â
â¸â¸
You didnât go to school that following Tuesday, nor Wednesday. It was the first time you had missed a whole day since your junior year in highschool. Was it pathetic? Probably. Curled up on your bed, you spent the two days in front of your laptop, binging whatever show seemed appealing as you sniffled into a tissue. â You wanted to go back in time, back to when you only knew Yeonjun as the obnoxious leader of bullies from your class, back to when things were simple.Â
You wondered what he mightâve said about you in your absence. What kind of lies he mightâve conducted, surely he wouldnât just sit still. You dreaded returning, but you knew that it was inevitable, and as Thursday rolled around, you pulled yourself from bed.Â
The classroom was empty when you arrived, there was another thirty minutes left but you had chosen to get there earlier to save yourself perhaps at least a few stares as you walked toward your desk. You had missed a lot, you were sure, two days was a long time to be away from school and you worried that you would have a lot of reading to do when you came back home. Though you supposed the distraction of studying would be nice.Â
Itâs about ten minutes left until class when the first few students emerged from the doors, swinging their bags down on their desks as they chatted loudly with one another. âWatch it nerd!â A girl sneers as she gives the leg of your chair a harsh kick, you grip onto the edge of your table as you hang your head low. But beside that, nothing happens, and you frown. You were sure it was going to be worse than this, but it wasnât. For the first time ever you felt relieved that your classmates were treating you indifferent. Well, all except one.Â
Yeonjun doesnât show up to first period. And just as you think heâs about to be absent for the second one as well, the door is pushed open as he walks inside. Yeonjun seldom did what he was supposed to in class, but he always brought his bag, not today though. You tried to not let your eyes linger, inevitably failing as you watched him pull out his chair and sit down, his hands remaining in his pockets as he leaned back to gaze across the board with a lazy expression. In regular fashion, Beomgyu goes off about a random topic next to him as Soobin twirls a pen between his fingers, seemingly bored out of his mind.Â
Class begins, and ends, and nothing happens. Not even as much as a glare in your direction. It was just like before, before the two of you were ever intimate, Yeonjun acted as if you didnât exist, and you watched him. But this time, you didnât feel a sense of longing, honestly, you didnât know what you felt. Relief, a sense of mourning, regret? You didnât like the way your stomach felt when you looked at him, so you stopped.Â
â¸â¸
Weeks went by, the bullying never stopped, why would it? You kept quiet, your gaze downcast as you moved through the hallways. It worked, because you rarely saw him anymore. You didnât know if he was avoiding you or not, you didnât care. It felt nice to not care. The only thing tugging away at you now⌠was the loneliness. It wasnât like Yeonjun acted friendly with you, especially not during school hours, but he had made you feel less alone. In the most fucked up way possible, he was the only one you had ever had some kind of relationship with since your first day here. And a small part of you missed it.Â
But even the loneliness would one day stop.Â
You blink up as a plate is placed opposite yours in the crowded cafeteria. Confused, your eyes darted between the boy before of you and the plenty of empty tables. He doesnât seem to care as he slides down on the chair in front of yours. âYouâre the junior girl who takes classes with the seniors right?â He asks as he tilts his head to the side, studying you with wide and curious eyes. â Still wary of the intentions behind his move to sit with you, you slowly nod, âI am.âÂ
He smiles, it was perhaps one of the first genuine smiles you had received since you started here. Shuffling a bit closer, he offers his hand for you to shake, which you hesitantly do. âIâm Hueningkai, but you can just call me Kai.â He says as you let go of his hand once more. â âIâm a junior too, but Iâm stuck with everyone else our ageâ, he explains with a coy smile.Â
You nod, taking a small sip of your water. His eyes shift to the book placed next to your tray. âLord Of The Rings?â He asks and you hum as you turn it around for him to see. âI love those books!â He exclaims as he brings it to his face, studying the back intently. âIâm re-reading them..â You quietly mumble as your gaze flickers between him and the glass in your hand. Kai sets the book down as he turns to you, âyou mean youâve read all this more than once? Sick!âÂ
That was how you met Kai. You donât know why he approached you, you didnât care to ask. All you knew was that you had finally found a friend. And though the two of you still took separate classes, you always stayed behind to study together, ate lunch just the two of you, and walked each other to class. It felt nice to have someone to talk to, even though you didnât tell him about you and Yeonjun, he still listened to you as you explained all of the bullying.Â
You were amongst the last to return to class after lunch one lousy Tuesday. Kai and you had spent the entire break discussing quantum physics, and you had only realized the time once you went to search something up on your phone, making you rush to class. Not thinking much of the rare occurrence, you make your way over to your desk by the very back of the room, only freezing when one of your classmates addresses you.Â
âWhatâs got you coming in so late, nerd?â He sneers as he leans back in his chair to see you better. With the intention of not replying, you take your seat as you begin rummaging through your stuffed bag. But when another girl butts in, you feel yourself go stiff. âDonât you know?â She drawls, easily garnering the first guyâs attention as well as everyone around her. Even the Choiâs seemed to be listening as Beomgyu put down his phone. You held your breath, anticipating the worst yet it somehow ended up being so far from anything you couldâve ever imagined.Â
âNerdâs got a boyfriend.â She exclaims, watching triumphantly as everyone began whispering amongst each other, hushed murmurs carrying around the room. You felt your face burn as you glanced toward Yeonjunâs table. â He was still scrolling absentmindedly on his phone, but the way his jaw clenched, accompanied with the small frown of his brows, made your stomach sink just slightly.Â
âThatâs such bullshit!â Mimi exclaims as she throws you a harsh glare. But the girl whoâd announced the news merely shakes her head. âIâve seen them myself!â She retorts as she folds her arms across her chest. âThat junior boy, yâknow the blonde one.â â âIâve seen them too!â Someone else chirps in and the girl is quick to nod.Â
âThey always eat lunch together tooâ, the girl turns to you with a wide smirk, âisnât that right nerd?â â Your fingers curled around the pencil in your hand, gripping it with such force that it might break. You donât look at her, gaze dropping to your table as you merely shook your head, earning a scoff from the girl as she turned back to the rest of the class.Â
âShit, are you serious?â Beomgyu wonders as he leans forward in his chair. But before the girl has a chance to reply, Yeonjun cuts her off. âDonât be stupidâ, he mutters as he pulls Beomgyu back by the collar of his shirt. â âWhat the fuck man, itâs just a questionâ, he whines as he rubs his now sore neck. Yeonjun huffs as his gaze remains glued to his phone screen, âof course she isnât serious. Stop believing her bullshit.âÂ
Beomgyu falls silent at his words and so does everyone else. The next few minutes are awkward as everyone scrambles to occupy themselves with whatever they could find, desperately wishing for your professor to walk through the doors.Â
â¸â¸
The sound of the old library doors being pushed open shifts your focus from the book in your lap as you glance up just in time to see Kai approaching your desk. He smiles, waving his hand enthusiastically and you find yourself reciprocating the small move. â âSorry Iâm lateâ, he apologizes as he takes the seat next to yours, pulling a few books from his bag. âItâs fine, reallyâ, you assure him as you place your own book down.Â
It had become routine for the two of you to meet up and study together, well, you often just talked the hours away, but neither of you seemed to mind the lack of work getting done. âWhich chapter are you on?â He wonders, and you slide the book over for the two of you to share, âfifteen.â He nods as he scoots closer, your shoulders practically touching as you take turns reading and scribbling down notes.Â
Usually you didnât mind the close proximity, but when thinking back of what had transpired after lunch earlier that day, you felt different. Ever since your break up with Yeonjun, if break up was even what you could call it, you had little desire to enter into a new relationship. But the more you mulled over your classmateâs words, the more sense it all seemed to make. â Eating lunch together, walking each other to class, even now, you both sat so close that you could hear the pattern of his breathing.Â
Kai was cute. He was the type of cute that made you look back twice when you passed him on the street, the type of cute that made you want to revisit the small cafĂŠ because of the waiter that had served you, the type of cute that you wanted to bring home to your parents. â Not only was he cute, he was nice too, you felt happy, comforted, in his presence. Unlike Yeonjun, Kai only made you feel giddy inside as you longed to see him. He never made you second guess his intentions or yourself.Â
But there was still something missing, something that you couldnât quite place. Something that Yeonjun had made you feel by just stepping into the same room as you. You hated yourself for comparing your new friend to someone like him, but it felt almost impossible not to. You didnât care about Choi Yeonjun anymore, so why did he continue to haunt the subconscious parts of your mind?Â
As if on cue, Kai turns around in his seat, his nose almost grazing your own due to how close you sat. âHey are you following along?â He wonders, seemingly concerned as a small frown tugs at his brows. Blinking, you shake your head, âsorry no..â â You swallow, willing yourself to be honest with him, you need to be.
âCan IâŚcan I tell you something?â You hesitantly ask, gnawing on your bottom lip as you twirl your pencil anxiously between your fingers. He nods, a small smile painting his lips, âof course!â â Awkwardly clearing your throat, you think of a way to begin the whole thing. âW-Well basicallyâŚEveryone in my class they-âÂ
Your words get stuck in your throat, not because you were afraid of uttering them, not because Kai made you in any way feel uneasy. But because the oak doors to the library opened once more, the sound almost deafening to your ears, eyes becoming glued to Yeonjunâs frame as he enters. It doesnât take him long to spot you, his already spiteful expression seemingly worsening as his gaze locks with yours.Â
He grasps a book tightly in one hand, walking over to the front desk as he practically slams it on the table, making everyone inside the room jump as their heads turn in his direction. Yeonjun however, pays them little mind, his eyes never straying from yours as the old librarian goes to check out his book. â Even Kaiâs attention had shifted toward your classmate, watching as Yeonjun leaned against the desk with a scowl on his face.Â
âIsnât he in your class?â He wonders as the frown on his face deepens. You nod, âignore himâ, you mumble as you shift uncomfortably under his intense gaze. âBut heâs looking at you..â Kai states and you shake your head again, âplease letâs just ignore him.â â Finally, Kai tears his gaze from him as he gives you a small nod, âof course. So whatâd you want to tell me?âÂ
Oh right. âWell I⌠Itâs a bit weird, promise you wonât be freaked out.â You begin as you bite your lip, feeling an evident blush rise on your cheeks. Kai nods as he takes your hand, the small action somehow making the whole thing even worse but you couldnât find it in you to push him off. From the corner of your eye, you can make out Yeonjunâs figure as he watches the two of you, his mere presence made the hairs on the back of your neck stand.Â
âMy classmates theyâŚthey sort of think weâreâŚwell they think weâre dating..â You quietly mumble, the last part becoming nothing more but a faint whisper. You can easily read his surprise as Kaiâs eyes widen, his gaze flitting down to his hand on top of yours as he swallows. âOh.â Is all he says. â âI hope it doesnât make things weird between usâ, you quickly add, your voice near pleading as you search his gaze.Â
Biting the inside of his cheek, Kai slowly nods as he keeps his eyes on your hands. âNo I suppose it doesnât⌠I mean, itâs not like itâs true..â He says, offering you a small smile as his gaze returns to your face. You nod, ây-yeah, exactly..â â Daring to steal a glance in the direction of Yeonjun, you barely manage to catch his retreating figure as he exits the library, oak doors slamming shut behind him.Â
Kai follows your gaze, his hand on top of yours moving back to rest on his lap as his eyes flicker between the spot where Yeonjun just vanished and your almost longing expression. He sighs.Â
â¸â¸
Itâs nearing 6pm when you finally part ways outside the library. And after waving Kai off, you turn to walk up the flight of stairs leading to your locker. The hallways are vacant, your low heel shoes clacking against its floors as you readjust your heavy bag on your shoulder. â Your footsteps come to an abrupt halt about halfway down the long corridor, your eyes spotting a tall figure, leaning against the red lockers by the end of the hall. You swallow, easily recognizing his lean frame. Itâs too late to turn back, you know that heâs heard you already.Â
âHave you been waiting here all along?â You wonder, stopping a few paces from him, maintaining a good distance as you shift your weight over to one leg. Yeonjunâs head, previously leaning against the red steel behind him, lazily turns in your direction as he studies you with a tired expression. âNo.â â You knew it was a lie.Â
âThen why are you here?â For once, itâs your gaze boring into his, and not the other way around. Yeonjun remains silent, his hands digging deep into the pockets of his pants, his eyes roaming your body just like they had so many times before. He doesnât say anything. You wait for him to speak, you wait for two whole minutes. Nothing.Â
With a small huff, you give up as you approach your locker. Now only inches from him, you type your code in as the red door clicks open. Pulling your books from your bag, he watches you as you place them neatly inside the small space. You bite your tongue, refraining from saying the many things on your mind. It would only complicate the situation further. â Itâs not until you close the locker again, turning around as you get ready to leave, that he finally breaks the silence.Â
âIs it true?âÂ
You freeze, slowly turning back to face him with a small frown. Still leaning against the lockers, he tilts his head to the side, his expression holds no amusement, not even anger, justâŚemptiness. You had never seen him like that before. â âWhat?â The surprise is evident in your voice, and you watch as he pushes himself off the lockers, moving to face you completely. âYou and him, is it true?â He repeats his question and your breath gets stuck in your throat at the mention of Kai.Â
You didnât want him to become the next affection of Yeonjunâs harsh bullying. More than anything, you wanted to maintain the only friendship you had, you could not have your past mistakes getting in the way of it. â âDoes it matter?â Your stance remains guarded as you fold your arms across your chest. He cocks an eyebrow in your direction, his lip twitching, âof course not.âÂ
Confused, you frown, you had forgotten how near impossible he was to read. âWell then there you have your answer.â You firmly state. He shakes his head, and you couldâve sworn you caught the small grin on his face before it vanished again. âSo then it is true..â â âYes.â The small word of confirmation slips from your lips without you even realizing it. But it was too late to take it back now. Yeonjun frowns, he seems almost surprised at your immediate response.  Â
âItâs true that we hang out everyday. Itâs true that he makes me smile, and laugh. Itâs true that he cares for me and I for him. All of it is true, is that what you wanted to hear?â Youâre almost out of breath by the end of your small rant. â Yeonjunâs jaw clenches, hands curling into fists inside his pockets as he draws in a sharp breath through his nose.Â
âSo does it really matter if itâs true or not when he treats me in a way that makes me feel loved and appreciated?â Youâre unable to hinder yourself from letting out all the emotions that you had kept pent up during the past weeks. And by the end, your voice sounds as if itâs about to break at any moment. â But he doesnât say anything. His expression remained as indifferent as possible, watching the way your chest heaved as you caught your breath again.Â
His silence felt heavier than a thousand words. Part of you wants to swallow your statement again, another part is relieved to finally have gotten it out. You quickly realized that you probably wouldnât get another response from him, and thus you made your second move to leave. Except this time, he acts faster.Â
Fingers wrapping around your wrist, Yeonjun prevents you from taking another step away from him. His grip is tight, but not enough to hurt, you can feel the slight tremble to his hand and your gaze dart between his hold on you to his now determined expression.Â
âI could too.âÂ
His voice is low, yet the sentence echoes off the empty hallway walls. Your heart thumps loudly in your chest, blood rushing beneath your skin as your wide eyes meet his. â âI could make you feel like that too.â His voice is clearer now, steadier, and he takes a step forward. You find yourself shaking your head, making him frown. âWhy, donât you believe me?âÂ
The question made you scoff. âOf course I donât.â You exclaim as you withdraw your arm from his grip, he lets you, briefly glancing down to his now empty hand before letting it fall to his side. âYouâve said it yourself. Iâm nothing besides a quick fuck, right?â â He bites the inside of his cheek, your words undoubtedly true.Â
Maybe three weeks ago, his small statement wouldâve been able to sway you, to make your heart beat a little faster. Now it only felt like he was rubbing salt onto your barely healed wounds. Just as you had gotten over him, just as you had finally made a real friend, he had to go and ruin it all again by saying exactly what you both dreaded and longed to hear from him. And you hated him for it. You hated Choi Yeonjun.Â
Tears stung in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks. You couldnât let him see you cry. â He grabs onto you a second time as you turn to leave, pulling you flush against his chest with such haste that you barely have time to register whatâs happening before his lips are on yours. âDonât goâ, he breathes into your mouth, kissing you with such urgency that you thought he might just be on the verge of dying.Â
Your hands are on his chest within seconds as you pry him off. âStop. Just stop.â Your pleading voice cuts like knives through the air and he pulls back with a stunned expression. Shaking your head, you tear yourself from him as you take a step back. âI donât know whatâs gotten into you. But it better stop.â He opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it. âDonât let me get my hopes up only to crush them again.âÂ
Refusing to hear him out any longer, you quickly turn on your heel as you hurriedly walk down the hallway, leaving him behind as he runs a hand through his dark hair.Â
â¸â¸
The next day, Yeonjun doesnât show up to school. Youâre just as confused as everyone else, your eyes darting toward the door every other second, thinking that it might be him, but it never is. â âIs he sick?â Someone asks but Beomgyu only shakes his head, leaning back in his chair with a small huff, âbeats me.â Ah, so he didnât know either. Gnawing on your bottom lip, youâre suddenly filled with worry, was it because of what happened yesterday? Was he actually hurt by it? No, surely not, it was Choi Yeonjun after all.Â
Itâs not until the doors bursts open once more, revealing a disheveled Mimi, that realization slowly starts to set in. Her usually put together face is in ruins as makeup has been smeared across her cheeks. Heads turn in her direction as one of her friends guides her over to her desk. â âWhat happened?â A guy asks only to be hushed by her friend, quietly mouthing out the words: âhe broke up with her.âÂ
Everyone seems to fall silent after that, allowing Mimiâs quiet sobs to fill the room as you wait for class to start. â He broke up with her⌠You blink, glancing down to the empty page in your notebook as you swallow. Did that also have anything to do with what happened yesterday? Once again youâre left feeling guilty, Yeonjun always seemed to make you feel that way.Â
When your professor finally arrives, the lecture moves slowly, agonizingly so. And for once, you didnât find any joy in your studies. Sure it might also have something to do with the persistent feeling of being watched. â Turning your head ever so slightly to the right, you find Soobinâs eyes locked on your unnerved frame. Not even when he knows that youâve caught him does he turn away.
He continues to watch you throughout the day. Wherever you went, he seemed to be there too. Eyes boring into you at all times, an indifferent expression on his face. He knew something, that much you were sure of.Â
â¸â¸
Finally, as your last lesson comes to an end, you manage to slip past Soobinâs prying gaze as you hurried down the stairs to meet Kai. The two of you had begun accompanying each other on the way home as you both took the bus from the same station. â You find him waiting by the entrance, a large smile plastered across his face and as soon as your eyes fell on him, all worries were washed away.Â
âHow was class?â He asks as you walk down the courtyard. You shrug, swinging your bag in front of you cheerily, ânothing out of the ordinary.â â âNo mean comments, no nothing?â He wonders and you bite the inside of your cheek, ânoâŚactually not.â After the news of Mimiâs breakup, everyone had fallen into this sort of trance where no one seemed to want to bring attention to themselves. Thus you had been left alone all day, which felt both nice and incredibly weird.Â
Kai hums, the two of you were walking so close that your arms brushed together, but you didnât mind. Once you reach the large gates leading out onto the streets however, you freeze. Stopping a pace in front of you, Kai turns to you with a small frown, âsomething wrong?â â You shake your head, ânoâŚI just.. think I left a book behind, you go ahead.âÂ
He opens his mouth, as if to object but you quickly interrupt him, âitâs fine! I wouldnât want you to miss your busâ, you reassure him as you offer a small smile. âThen what about you?â He wonders but you just wave it off in a disregarding manner, âIâll take the next one, donât worry about me.â He doesnât seem entirely convinced but the small hug you give him makes him nod. âAlright, text me when you get homeâ, he says and you quickly agree as you send him off.Â
You watch him disappear down the pavement with a small sigh. Not until heâs completely out of sight do you turn to cross the street. You walk with long and determined strides, not stopping until you reach the large tree by the sidewalk. â Yeonjun isnât wearing his usual school uniform, instead heâs dressed in a dark pair of jeans, a black jacket wrapped around his torso to prevent the chilly December air from getting to him. He leans against the naked tree trunk, his gaze flickering from the concrete beneath him and over to you as you approach.Â
Feet planting in front of his, you cross your arms as you peer up at him with an expectant look on your face. He doesnât say anything, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. Unable to bear the silence, you break it. âYou didnât come to school today.â You donât know why you stated the obvious, perhaps you wanted him to explain himself, but he doesnât, only nodding silently.Â
Frustrated, you run a hand through your hair. He wanted to talk to you, right? Thatâs why he was waiting across the street from your college, openly risking being spotted by your classmates. So why wasnât he saying anything? â Huffing out a short breath, you part your lips to say something, but heâs quicker than you.Â
âI broke up with herâ, he calmly states. His posture remains relaxed as he speaks but his eyes search yours with something akin to desperation. â âI know.â You mumble, biting the inside of your lip before continuing, âshe was crying all day, did you know that?â He scoffs, âso?â His nonchalant approach made you frown, âso? Donât you care?â Your question is met by the mere shake of his head as he shrugs, âno, do you?âÂ
âI do.âÂ
He hadnât expected your answer, you could tell by the way his face dropped, if only for a moment. âWhy? Itâs not exactly like sheâs a good person.â He jeers, shoving his hands deeper into the denim pockets of his jeans. âAnd you are?â Even though your voice remains steady, thereâs a linger of hurt between your quiet words. â He goes silent in front of you as his gaze flits between yours and the entrance behind him.Â
âWhy are you even here, Yeonjun?â Your tone is near accusing and he looks almost guilty as his attention shifts back to you. He swallows, rubbing a hand along his neck, as if stalling for time. You bite your tongue, waiting patiently for him to speak. â âWhy do you like him?â, he finally asks. It hardly took a genius to guess who he was referring to.Â
You sigh, observing the way the naked branches of the tree moved against the mild breeze. âI told you, didnât I?â You drawl, readjusting the bag swung over your shoulder. The corner of his mouth twitches as Yeonjun shakes his head, âthatâs not what I wanted to hear.â â âAnd you think youâre in a position to make demands like that?â You snort, watching as he pushes himself off the tree before taking a step in your direction.Â
Leaning back to glance up at him, you try your best to hold your ground as he tilts his head to the side, cocking a questioning eyebrow at you. âThen tell me what I need to do.â â Your mouth falls open as you gawk at him, what was he implying? Taking a step back only ends up with him taking yet another forward, his hands coming up from his pockets to rest on your shoulders.Â
âTell me how to be like him.âÂ
Slowly you realize just what he was asking of you. Immediately shaking your head, you take yet another step back. âIt doesnât work like that.â You quietly murmur, averting your gaze to avoid looking him in the eyes. He frowns, a confused frown, âsure it doesâ, he says, sounding almost hopeful as he grips your shoulders tighter. âJust tell me what I need to do and Iâll do it.âÂ
Did he honestly think that everything could be undone just like that? The pain, the tears, the bullying, that he could take it all back just because he wanted to? Just because he had a change of heart? The thought was almost as ridiculous as his proposal. â This was Choi Yeonjun, he wasnât about to change his ways just because of you, you should know that. Whatever this was, this moment of confusion, it wouldnât last, and you had to pull out before you got hurt, again.Â
âI donât know what you want from meâŚâ You bite back the harsh insults waiting on your tongue, shaking your head once more. âI donât know what it is, and I donât care. Please just stop confusing meâ, you almost beg as you try to pry his hands off of you. â Yeonjun looks perplexed as he lets you push him off. âConfusing you? I donâtââÂ
âDo you think Iâm stupid?â You retort, your voice growing in intensity as you failed to hold back the anger and resentment you held for him. âI let you screw me over, I let you use me, humiliate me, I put up with all of it, becauseâŚâ You exhale, taking a step forward as you point an accusing finger to his chest. âBecause at one point I thought that I liked you, but I donât. I know exactly what you are and I know that you wonât change.âÂ
He frowns, his fingers wrapping around your wrist on his chest. âYou donât know the first thing about m-â â âI do.â You cut him off, aware of the way his jaw clenches as his grip on your wrist tightens. âI know that you cheat, you lie, you use people as you please, and worst of all, you donât even feel guilty about it.âÂ
You tear yourself from his grasp, stumbling backward as you cradle your sore wrist. âI know far from everything about youâ, you state, watching him bite the inside of his cheek as he fights off the remark he so desperately wished to fire. â âBut I know that I hate you. And thatâs enough reason for me to stay as far away from you as possible.âÂ
âSo please, leave me the fuck alone.âÂ
As soon as you turn around to dart down the street, the tears spill from your eyes as you sob into your open palm. More than anything, you regret ever becoming infatuated with him.Â
â¸â¸
Yeonjun didnât come to school the following day either, nor the day after that. People stopped asking about him, only becoming disregarded by both Beomgyu and Soobin as the two kept to themselves. Yet the tallerâs persistent stares remained as Soobin watched your every move, like a hawk stalking its prey. Even now, as you sat by your usual table, listening to Kai as he rambled on about a random topic, did you feel his gaze on you.Â
âD-Did you hear me?âÂ
Kaiâs hesitant voice snaps you from your trance as your eyes shift to his fidgety frame. Nervously twisting the hem of his uniform, he gives you a sheepish smile. You blink, âIâŚsâsorry what did you say?â You wonder, feeling a bit embarrassed by your lack of engagement as he spoke. But Kai only shakes his head, the tips of his ears turning pink as he clears his throat. âI was wondering if⌠if you would maybe want to study this weekend a-at my place?âÂ
You could tell that it had taken almost all his courage to ask the simple question. But somehow you find yourself comparing it to how easy such demands had fallen from Yeonjunâs lips as he shamelessly took whatever he wanted. Internally you curse yourself for letting your mind so comfortably shift to the subject of Yeonjun when you had tried so hard to forget about him.Â
âSure I would love to!â You smile, heart swelling at the endearing sight before you as Kaiâs face practically explodes in an ocean of red. âR-Really?â He asks and you nod, âof course!â â Youâre about to ask him what time would be suitable when suddenly a large shadow is casted over your table. Squinting up your eyes lock with none other than Choi Soobin as he peers down at you with a vacant expression.Â
âI need to talk to you.â He states in a monotone voice, jutting his chin toward the large entryway of the cafeteria. Your gaze flits between him and Kai as your friend shifts uncomfortably in his seat. âO-Okayâ, you quietly mumble, giving Kai an apologetic look as you get up to trail after Soobinâs tall frame.Â
He walks fast, and you almost have to jog in order to keep up. Pushing past the crowded hallways, Soobin doesnât seem to mind the multiple glances shot his way. The two of you walk for a good five minutes without stopping, and just as youâre about to ask where youâre going, he comes to an abrupt halt, making you almost facepalm against his back.
With the light kick of his foot, the door to a vacant classroom swings open and he steps inside, seemingly waiting for you to do the same. â Once the door is shut behind you, he turns to lean against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. Nervously, you tug at the collar of your blazer as you glance around the dark room.Â
You donât think you had been alone with Soobin, ever. Nor did you think that you had ever heard him utter more than two words out loud. And he had never directed a single one to you. So to say that your current situation was surprising, would be a grave understatement. â You think a whole minute must have passed when he finally speaks. But the words coming out of his mouth made you wish for everything to be silent again.Â
âWhatâs your deal with Yeonjun?âÂ
His voice is low, barely above a murmur, and deep too. Not at all like his snarky friends whose laughs would echo off the hallways. You swallow, hard, the sound is audible in the otherwise quiet room. Unlike Beomgyu, Soobin never once picked on you, nor did he join in when the others were laughing, at best or worst, he would give a small grin. â If it were Beomgyu you would at least expect him to be mad in a situation like this, but Soobin remains eerily calm as he watches you from a distance, just like he had these past three days.Â
âI donât think thatâs any of your businessâ, you stand your ground, despite the fact that it felt as if the floor was literally shaking beneath you. He chuckles, itâs breathy, almost inaudible. âYou donât need to act so prideful, heâs told me everything about you.â â It feels as if all air has been knocked out of your lungs. So he did know something.Â
âEverything?â You exhale, your breath near trembling. He gives a curt nod, âeverything, except for why he isnât here todayâ, he mutters, seemingly displeased with the fact. â A small frown etches its way to your face, lips parting in confusion. âI know youâve got something to do with it.â He states, tilting his head back as he gazes up toward the ceiling. âBut he wonât tell me what.âÂ
Biting the inside of your cheek, you glance down to the floor, the uneven wood planks suddenly seeming very intriguing. âI couldnât possibly know why heââ â âDonât bullshit me.â He snaps, his eyes flickering back to you within milliseconds. Your breath gets caught in your throat as you flinch, taking a small step back before your thighs hit the table behind you. Soobin ignores your skittish reactions as he continues. âI donât know what heâs getting at, going for someone like you.â He says it with such distaste that it makes your skin crawl.Â
Before you know it, he takes a step forward, then another one, and another one, until heâs got you caged against the desk. He doesn't say anything, one of his hands reaching into his pocket as he rummages through it. Pulling up a folded piece of paper, he shoves it into your open palm. âHe asked me to give you this.â â He brushes his hand against his jeans as he takes a step back.Â
âFix whatever you caused.â Is all he says before turning on his heel to leave again. Upon yanking the door open, heâs met with Kaiâs alarmed frame as he jumps to the side. Sparing him a mere side glance, Soobin shoves past him as he takes off down the hallway. â You shove the small paper in the pocket of your blazer as you walk over to your friend with a sheepish smile. âHey how long have you been standing-â
âYou and Yeonjun?â He asks, almost baffled as he eyes you, full of distrust. The smile immediately vanishes from your face and your throat suddenly goes dry. âW-What?â You ask, still not registering his question fully, hoping that maybe you had heard him wrong. Kai shakes his head, his jaw momentarily clenching. âJust how much exactly did you hear?â You quietly whisper.Â
He gives you a small shrug, âenough.â â He sighs, looking almost defeated as he runs a hand through his blond hair. âI thought youâŚI mean the two of you, I never thoughtâŚâ Frowning, he gives up with a small huff and you bite your lip, reaching out a hesitant hand to place on his shoulder, but he only jerks away from your touch.Â
âWhy didnât you tell me?â He sounds hurt, you can tell he is. The guilt was slowly seeping back into your veins, Yeonjun always made you feel guilty, but this timeâŚthis time it was your own doing. âIâm sorry.â The apology is genuine, you hope he can tell. Because you really are sorry, sorry for not being honest with your only friend.Â
Kai looks at you, his eyes hold so much pain that you wondered just how deep your lie had stung. âDo you like him?â He asks, his voice sounds strained, as if he was holding back tears. The question catches you off guard and you blink. Did you like him? No, of course not. You hated him. You hated Choi Yeonjun.Â
âNo, nevermind, donât answer.â He shakes his head, âI donât care.â â You fumble for words, wanting to say anything that would comfort him. It felt almost impossible. âI- Iâm sorry I shouldâve told you Iââ â âYeah you shouldâve.â He bites back, his unusually harsh tone making you wince. âYou shouldâve told me a long time ago. Before I..â He cuts himself off, biting his cheek as his gaze drops to the floor.Â
âBefore what?â You quietly wonder, noting the way his shoulders slumped as he exhaled a shaky breath. âBefore I liked you.â His voice is merely above a whisper, his attention strained to the floor as he refused to look you in the eyes. Your mouth falls open, it wasnât like you were completely unaware. Kaiâs lingering touches and stares didnât go unnoticed but you had never imagined that his feelings ran this deep.Â
âYou like me?âÂ
He scoffs, dragging his feet leisurely in front of him. âI thought that was obvious.â He pauses, his gaze briefly meeting yours before fleeting down again, but it was just enough for you to catch the shiny layer of tears coating his lashes. You swallow, it felt almost as if you were about to throw up, the guilt slowly eating away at you.Â
All you could do was stare at him with a stunned expression, not knowing what you could possibly say to mend the situation. Kai draws in a sharp breath before he wipes his face with the back of his hand. âItâs alrightâ, he mumbles, âitâs not your fault.â â Your heart might as well just have been ripped out and stepped on at this point. Why was he being so kind to you, when you so obviously didnât deserve it.Â
âWeâre friends stillâŚarenât we?â He wonders, looking up from the floor with bloodshot eyes. âT-This doesnât change anything, right?â â You wanted to tell him that this changed everything, that things might never be the same again. But you couldnât, you couldnât hurt him like that. So you shake your head, wrapping your arms around him as you hug him tight. âOf course not, Kai.âÂ
You wondered if things had turned out differently between the two of you, had you never gotten involved with Yeonjun.Â
â¸â¸
Itâs early, earlier than youâd like to admit as you leave your apartment that Sunday morning. The sun has yet to rise and the city is still asleep, but you haven't been able to shut your eyes and relax for the past three days. No, you had waited, dreaded, for this day to come. â The bus is almost empty, save for another young woman, but she looks far more comfortable than you as she rests her head against the window.Â
The air is cold as you step off, and you hug your coat tighter around your body. You walk for about ten minutes before a large building comes into view. Pulling the small note from your pocket, you glance between the address scribbled down and the number on the building in front of you, they perfectly align. â The note, the one Soobin had so hastily shoved in your hand three days ago, the note you had reread at least a hundred times throughout the weekend. An address, a day, but not a time. â Perhaps you were a bit early, but as you trudged up the stairs, you no longer cared. You had waited for three whole days, youâd had enough.Â
You take the stairs instead of the elevator. To get some exercise in, you tell yourself. But there was no mistaking the fact that you wanted to prolong the moment for as long as possible, despite your urgency to get here. â Finally, you reach the fifth floor, out of breath, you lean against the wall as you take a moment to gather yourself.Â
The first time you read the note you had considered not showing up at all. It was a cowardly move to send his friend in his place. But at the same time, your mind longed for answers, answers that you would hopefully get today. â You bring the paper to your face, rereading it one final time. The address, the day, and the small sentence, at the very bottom.Â
âLetâs talk, please.âÂ
Fine, if he wanted to talk, then you would talk. Your fingers curl into a fist, lightly tapping the dark wood. Had it been anyone else, you wouldâve been mindful of the still early hour. But right now your mind was set on one thing alone. â Your heart beats obnoxiously loud in your chest, the wait seemingly eternal.Â
Then the door creaks open. And as soon as your eyes fall on him, you can tell that heâs had trouble sleeping too. The bags under his eyes were a most unusual look, his hair too, laid messily sprawled on top of his head. Heâs still dressed, almost as if he hadnât gone to bed at all. â âHiâ, his voice is low, raspy, like he hadnât spoken in days. You give him a small nod of acknowledgement and he steps aside as he lets you in.Â
Yeonjunâs apartment is clean, minimalistically furnished. It wasnât like you had ever tried to imagine what his home would look like, but this somehow felt just like him. Your gaze trails across the few paintings on the walls, you can tell that he hadnât picked them himself, most likely they came with the flat. The white couch, situated by the large windows, catches your eye.Â
Upon walking over and taking a seat, you find that Yeonjun does the same, maintaining a respectable distance as he glances down towards his hands. For a moment, everything is quiet. Part of you wished to stay like this forever. But that was of course impossible. â He clears his throat, shifting awkwardly on the sofa. âDo you want something to drink?â You bite your lip before nodding, âwaterâs fine.âÂ
He gets up, walking over to the joint kitchen as he turns on the faucet. You can hear him grabbing glasses, filling them to the brim before returning to place one in front of you on the marbled coffee table. Quietly thanking him, you take the glass, bringing it to your lips as you take a sip. You wait for him to speak first, he was after all, the one who had reached out.Â
Yeonjun looked very different like this. In the comforts of his own home he resembled little of the person you had grown accustomed to in school. You wondered if he often brought people over, judging by how awkward he was acting, you supposed not. â He draws in a sharp breath, his gaze remaining downcast as he speaks.Â
âYou got my note..â He mumbles as you set your glass down. âI didâ, you state, leaning back against the soft cushion as you turn your head in his direction. âWhy didnât you give it to me yourself?â You frown, feeling rather hurt by his choice of using his friend, his friend who definitely didnât seem to like you. Yeonjun is silent, heâs silent for a good while, fingers intertwined with one another as he bites the inside of his cheek.Â
âI was scared.â He quietly admits and your eyes widen at the confession. âY-You were?â You canât shield the surprise in your voice, Choi Yeonjun, scared? He scoffs, and for a moment, his usual self emerges as his face turns into a small scowl, but the way his eyes flicker as he speaks gives him away. âOf course I fucking was, I still am.âÂ
âWhy?âÂ
He doesnât answer straight away, as if considering his next words with great care. Running a hand through his disheveled hair, he lets out a small almost inaudible exhale. âBecause Iâm scared that Iâve fucked things up so bad this time⌠That thereâs no going back.â â You uncomfortably shift on the couch as you distract yourself by taking another sip of your water. Yeonjunâs body is taut as his jaw clenches, refusing to even glance in your direction he keeps his gaze steadily fixed on the window in front of him as the darkness outside slowly shifts into a deep blue. Â
âI wantâŚâ He slowly begins, his sentence falling short as he takes another couple of breaths. âI want to apologize.â You blink, your eyes shifting from the water in your glass and over to him, you donât think you had ever heard him speak with such sincerity. â And for the first time since your arrival, he looks at you. He swallows, adam's apple bobbing as he does.Â
âIâm sorry.âÂ
When you donât say anything he hastily continues. âI know that it doesnât fix shit, but IâŚI still need to say it. And if I could I would go back and undo all the pain I caused you, I really would. I donât expect you to forgive me, quite frankly I donât even expect you to ever talk to me again, I suppose thatâs fair. But if I donât tell you how sorry I am now, Iâm afraid that I never will.â He takes a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it go again, his shoulders slumping, almost like a deflating balloon.Â
âSo, Iâm sorryâŚfor everything.âÂ
He holds his tongue after that, gaze dropping down to his fingers once more. You donât know how to feel, much less what to say. It was all so surreal. Hearing those words come out of his mouth felt almost like a fever dream and you wondered if you had perhaps managed to fall asleep after all and that this was just a fragment of your imagination, the universe pulling a sick prank on you.Â
But then you turn to look at him. Heâs nothing like the Yeonjun who had hurt you for so many weeks. Right now he looks small as he sits on the couch, biting the inside of his lip as he nervously rolls his thumbs together. In the end you realize that no matter how you feel, thereâs only one thing you can say to him.Â
âI forgive you.âÂ
He freezes, teeth letting go of his lip as he slowly lifts his head to peer over at you. An almost puzzled look paints his otherwise tired face, âyou do?â He sounds almost disbelieving as he studies you with a wary expression. â You slowly nod, watching as his eyes widen with recognition, he swallows. Then everything becomes silent once more. This time itâs a different kind of silence, itâs not comfortable but the air somehow feels lighter, if only a little.Â
You find yourself staring out the large windows. The sky had turned a deep orange now, shades of pink seeping through the cracks formed by the clouds. The darkness slowly makes way for the light as a new day rises before you. â You want to say something, now feels like a good moment to get things off your chest. But you canât seem to find the words, your throat feels thick and it becomes hard to swallow. Â
âPlease like me instead.âÂ
At first you thought that you had imagined it. The faint whisper of his lips. But when he shuffles next to you on the couch, turning to face you fully, thereâs no doubt about it. You tear your gaze from the warm sky as you glance over at him. In the morning light, Yeonjun looked like he was glowing. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, his dry lips, or even his unkempt hair; he looked truly beautiful.Â
âWhat?âÂ
Your voice is soft, a low murmur, unsure and hesitant. He scoots closer, your knees touching as he places his hands on the cushion either side of him. âLike me instead. Instead of him.â Instead of Kai. He searches your gaze desperately as he bites his lip, leaning closer. â You donât say anything, if you do, his statement would become real. Youâre scared, you think.Â
But he doesnât give up. âI know that you hate me, but please, I canât stand it when-â Â
âI donât hate you, Yeonjun.âÂ
His mouth shuts, and he blinks at you, confused, brows knitting together. âWhat?â â âBut you said..â You shake your head, turning away as you feel tears prick in the corner of your eyes. You hated how easily he made you cry, even when he didnât intend to. âI lied.â You confess, shame and guilt overflowing your senses. âWhy?â
âBecause I was scared.âÂ
As the words left your lips, you think that the two of you might not be so different after all. Maybe, just maybe. â Yeonjun doesnât say anything, his attention dropping to your knees, barely grazing one another. His hand on the sofa twitches, as if he held himself back from reaching out, from touching you.Â
âI was scared of liking you.â Your quiet whisper felt like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. A small murmur was all it had taken, so why had it seemed so hard? â His gaze shifts back to your face, his eyes wide as his lips part in surprise. âYou were right all alongâ, you give him a half hearted smile, watching as his frown deepened. âIâve always liked youâ, you swallow, âeven when I didn't want to.â  Â
A pang of guilt takes over his expression for a moment as he internally cringes at your words, more so his own actions. âI thought it would go away if I told myself that I hated you.â You shake your head, glossy eyes dropping to your hands, the first tears threatening to escape at any moment. âIt never did.â Your vision slowly becomes blurred as you blink away the salty droplets that fell down your cheeks.Â
You can barely see it, but you can feel it, the warm caress of his hand on your cheek. It feels nice, comforting, you donât push him off, you donât want to. He wipes your tears, the very same that he had caused. The faint whisper of yet another apology lingering on his lips. â Then he hesitates, you never saw Yeonjun hesitating, he always took what he wanted, did as he pleased. But you can tell that heâs uncertain of his next move. His eyes flickering between your teary eyes and parted lips.Â
In the end he decides to be brave. Slowly initiating what had been on both of your minds for weeks now. But when his lips meet yours, it feels different, this kiss is nothing like your previous ones. It holds no guilt, no shame, no secrets, it doesnât feel forced nor desperate. It feels like an apology, remorseful of the past, and like a promise, a vow to the future. You can tell that he expects you to pull back, to tell him off, just like you had days prior.Â
Instead you cling to him, part of you thinks that this might be just what you need, another part says itâs stupid and reckless. But in the end, you want to be brave too. Even if that meant being stupid and reckless. â The stupid and reckless part of you lets him push you back against the soft cushion, lets him kiss you deeper, lets his hands trail across your body.Â
âIâm sorry.â He chants it like a prayer, littering your body in the light caress of his lips. You know he means it, every kiss, every touch, every apology. â His hair feels soft between your fingers, you twist the strands lightly, feeling him sigh against your skin. Yeonjun was usually one to talk in moments like these, but today there are no sarcastic remarks on his tongue. Heâs quiet, attentively listening to the hitch of your breath, the small moan passing your lips, he doesnât want to miss a single thing.Â
He tugs your tights off, his hands immediately soothing the goosebumps erupting on your naked skin. You think he looks pretty like this, basked in the first rays of sunshine, half lidded eyes rapidly moving as he trails them across every inch of your body. â His lips return to yours, fingers sliding between your legs just like they had so many times before, but this time itâs different, everything is.Â
He touches you slowly, he pays attention, he wants to know exactly how he makes you feel. Treating you as if you were made out of glass, worshiping you as if you were made out of gold. You become hyper aware of the way his body moves against yours, the soft pattern of his fingers sending sparks through your stomach.Â
You had been intimate with Yeonjun more times than you could remember. Yet as he lines himself up alongside you, it suddenly feels like the first. It feels new, nervous, perhaps even a little scary. But that was okay, you knew that he was scared too. â He goes slow, savoring the moment as his face rests in the crook of your neck. âIâm sorry.â He canât stop saying it, itâs never enough, it never makes up for the damage heâs created, he knows it. But you forgive him, you would continue to forgive him for eternity if he apologized for as long.Â
He groans against you, his voice is near trembling. Your hands are on his back, feeling the smooth surface of his skin, then theyâre tangled in his hair, pulling him to look at you. For the first time it feels as if youâre seeing him clearly. Behind the lying, the cheating, the bullying, it was just him. Just Yeonjun.Â
As soon as the first tear rolls down his cheek, you kiss him. Tasting the saltiness on your lips, he sobs into your mouth. His chest heaves against yours, his once slow and deliberate thrusts becoming jagged and uneven as he fights to stay composed. You want to say something, but you donât know what. Instead you pull him closer, so close that you canât feel anything but his body against yours.Â
You stay like that, melted against one another. Hours pass, neither of you seem to mind. His breath is warm against your chest, your fingers are soft in his hair. The silence is light, comforting, reassuring. Your mind is filled with him, heâs all you can think about, all you want to think about. You know he feels the same, itâs comforting to know. Itâs also scary, youâre not sure if youâre ready. But even then, youâll at least be scared together, just the two of you.Â
Itâs nice to not be alone.Â
â¸â¸
Monday morning also feels different. Maybe because youâre walking down the hallway side by side, you and Yeonjun. People stare, he tells you to ignore them, you try, and it works. You glance over at him, he looks happy, his step is light, his arm securely wrapped around your waist. You find yourself smiling, biting the inside of your cheek as you gaze ahead.Â
Itâs not until you reach the all too familiar door, leading into your classroom, that you halt. Confused, Yeonjun stops a pace in front of you. âIs something wrong?â He asks as he studies your nervous posture, your eyes flickering between the now almost empty hallway and the door in front of you. The corridors were one thing, but the classroom held so many memories. Memories that wouldnât just vanish over a day.
He notices your hesitation, a small smile tugging at his lips as he shakes his head. He reaches out, his warm hand enveloping yours as he grips it firmly. You glance between your interlocked fingers, and the small grin splayed across his face. â âIâve got you, nerd.âÂ
The small reassurance makes you smile, and you nod, letting him tug you closer as Yeonjun pushes the classroom door open.
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â. . do you . . know what happens after death, sweetheart?â
the words that slipped out of nanamiâs lips struck you right in the very depths of your heart.
it stungâa sharp prod that made the very crevices of your mouth twitch. his hands, his once warm and loving hands started to grow abnormally cold. frigid to where you even started to adapt to his chilled temperature.
âno whyâŚ.â you started, feeling your throat tighten. âwhy are you asking me that, kento?â you sniffle, tightly interlocking your fingers with his.
he stares at you with a warm smile spreading across his lips.
regardless of his current position, peacefully resting his back against the groundâhis inevitable fate had finally caught up to him.
nanamiâs breathing patterns changed significantly. everything was so loud, all he could make out through his peripherals was splotches of blur and your pretty worried face. â. . because,â he continues, and his speech was so slow. you could tell he was trying to get every word out, every syllable, every vowel. just for you and only you. âiâm about to find out, my love . .â
your irises focused on him. nothing else, no one elseâjust him.
youâve never seen him like this. so pale, so weak, so . . . scared.
his pure emotion, it showed in his eyes. his perfect brown eyes that you never failed to get lost in. for the first time in what was probably forever, nanami feltâŚscared. he tried his best to conceal it in front of you though. but even his best wasnât enough, because you probably knew him better than you knew yourself.
âdonât say things like that, kento,â you mutter, already feeling that annoying plump knot rise up in your throat. your breath was shaky, tremble after tremble. âyouâre fine. you can get up. we can get up.â
he knew when you said we, you implied that youâd both be walking away together â hand in hand, like in those stupid cheesy movies youâd watch with him every sunday after he gets off work. but alas, reality was quite harsh to face. an even more incredible tough pill to swallow. nanami knew he wasnât going anywhere.
it was irksome, you had to squeeze your eyes shut to prevent a single tear to roll down your cheek.
nanamiâs eyelids were hanging on by a thread, just barely open. he was tryingâtrying so hard to hang on, a small pout curls against his lips before he huffs out a single breath.
âah . . forgive me, youâre right,â he says, his thumb swiftly stroking the front of your hand. a single tear escapes past your lower damp eyelid. even his voice sounded different. a voice you grew to love, so sweet and protective. it now sounded incredibly tired. you could hear a slight wheeze between breaths of his. âhey, donât cry. donât do that, look at me.â
his voice was so soft, you sniffledâdespising the irritating tears that started to run down both sides of your temples. if it was anything nanami couldnât stand, it was that he couldnât stand to see the love of his life shed such sweet pitiful tears for him.
you looked at him, watching his eyelids struggle to stay open for you. everything ached, his body didnât even feel like his own anymore. it was an indescribable feeling from when he got struck, laying against the slick cold floor of the shibuya train station.
â. . d-donât leave me,â was all you managed to say, your lips was trembling, your heart pounded and you didnât wanna say goodbye just yet. âkento, i need you.â
âhm? what are you mumblinâ about, sweetheart? âm right here.â his voice, it sounded happier.
you furrowed your eyebrows, now finding yourself buried into nanamiâs bare chest, damp chin pressing against his pecs and all.
you were here safe and sound, snuggled up all against him, as you should be. it took you a long while to calm down, heâs staring at you with a soft loving gazeâa brief look of concern before you mumble out a, â..kento? are you okay?â
âwhy wouldnât i be, baby?â nanami hums, a soft thumb stroking your back. with a relaxed breath, he leans in to plant a gentle kiss near the very tip of your forehead. his touch was forevermore soothing, a touch you never wanted to forget.
you let off a jittery sigh of relief, finally coming to the conclusion that it was another one of your horrid nightmares. you had nothing to worry about.
he was fine.
you were fine,
everything was fine.
. . is what you kept telling yourself.
nanami never told you those words, he didnât kiss the tip of your forehead or stroke your back lovingly whilst staring into your eyes. the only true unbearable truth was that nanami was gone.
he was gone, and his last words werenât even âi love you,â or âiâm sorry.â on his fatal dying breaths, nanamiâs last words to you while squeezing your hand, sliding a ring into your palm, he rasps out a breathy, âwill . . you marry me?â
but before you could tell him yes, he was already gone.
#â
vegasbaby.#nanami x reader#nanami kento x reader#nanami x you#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jjk angst#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk fic#jjk drabbles
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Pop culture reduces It's a Wonderful Life to that last half hour, and thinks the whole thing is about this guy traveling to an alternate universe where he doesn't exist and a little girl saying, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." A hokey, sugary fantasy. A light and fluffy story fit for Hallmark movies.
But this reading completely glosses over the fact that George Bailey is actively suicidal. He's not just standing there moping about, "My friends don't like me," like some characters do in shows that try to adapt this conceit to other settings. George's life has been destroyed. He's bankrupt and facing prison. The lifetime of struggle we've been watching for the last two hours has accomplished nothing but this crushing defeat, and he honestly believes that the best thing he can do is kill himself because he's worth more dead than alive. He would have thrown himself from a bridge had an actual angel from heaven not intervened at the last possible moment.
That's dark. The banker villain that pop culture reduces to a cartoon purposely drove a man to the brink of suicide, which only a miracle pulled him back from. And then George Bailey goes even deeper into despair. He not only believes that his future's not worth living, but that his past wasn't worth living. He thinks that every suffering he endured, every piece of good that he tried to do was not only pointless, but actively harmful, and he and the world would be better off if he had never existed at all.
This is the context that leads to the famed alternate universe of a million pastiches, and it's absolutely vital to understanding the world that George finds. It's there to specifically show him that his despondent views about his effect on the universe are wrong. His bum ear kept him from serving his country in the war--but the act that gave him that injury was what allowed his brother to grow up to become a war hero. His fight against Potter's domination of the town felt like useless tiny battles in a war that could never be won--but it turns out that even the act of fighting was enough to save the town from falling into hopeless slavery. He thought that if it weren't for him, his wife would have married Sam Wainwright and had a life of ease and luxury as a millionaire's wife, instead of suffering a painful life of penny-pinching with him. Finding out that she'd have been a spinster isn't, "Ha ha, she'd have been pathetic without you." It's showing him that she never loved Wainwright enough to marry him, and that George's existence didn't stop her from having a happier life, but saved her from having a sadder one. Everywhere he turns, he finds out that his existence wasn't a mistake, that his struggles and sufferings did accomplish something, that his painful existence wasn't a tragedy but a gift to the people around him.
Only when he realizes this does he get to come back home in wild joy over the gift of his existence. The scenes of hope and joy and love only exist because of the two hours of struggle and despair that came before. Even Zuzu's saccharine line about bells and angel wings exists, not as a sugary proverb, but as a climax to Clarence's story--showing that even George's despair had good effect, and that his newfound thankfulness for life causes not only earthly, but heavenly joy.
If this movie has light and hope, it's not because it exists in some fantasy world where everything is sunshine and rainbows, but because it fights tooth and nail to scrape every bit of hope it can from our all too dark and painful world. The light here exists, not because it ignores the dark, but because the dark makes light more precious and meaningful. The light exists in defiance of the dark, the hope in defiance of despair, and there is nothing saccharine about that. It's just about as realistic as it gets.
#it's a wonderful life#i know i've probably reached my quota of long posts about this movie#but i kept thinking about it and wanted to organize my thoughts into something a bit more refined#even though i'm mostly just restating what i said yesterday
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