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mostlysignssomeportents · 10 months ago

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Wellness surveillance makes workers unwell

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TORONTO on Mar 22, then with LAURA POITRAS in NYC on Mar 24, then Anaheim, and more!

"National conversation" sounds like one of those meaningless buzzphrases – until you live through one. The first one I really participated in actively was the national conversation – the global conversation – about privacy following the Snowden revelations.

This all went down when my daughter was five, and as my wife and I talked about the news, our kid naturally grew curious about it. I had to literally "explain like I'm five" global mass surveillance:

https://locusmag.com/2014/05/cory-doctorow-how-to-talk-to-your-children-about-mass-surveillance/

But parenting is a two-way street, so even as I was explaining surveillance to my kid, my own experiences raising a child changed how I thought about surveillance. Obviously I knew about many of the harms that surveillance brings, but parenting helped me viscerally appreciate one of the least-discussed, most important aspects of being watched: how it compromises being your authentic self:

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/blog/2014/may/09/cybersecurity-begins-with-integrity-not-surveillance

As I wrote then:

There are times when she is working right at the limits of her abilities – drawing or dancing or writing or singing or building – and she catches me watching her and gets this look of mingled embarrassment and exasperation, and then she changes back to some task where she has more mastery. No one – not even a small child – likes to look foolish in front of other people.

Learning, growth, and fulfillment all require a zone of privacy, a time and place where we are not observed. Far from making us accountable, continuous, fine-grained surveillance by authority figures just scares us into living a cramped, inauthentic version of ourselves, where growth is all but impossible. Others have observed the role this plays in right-wing culture war bullshit: "an armed society is a polite society" is code for "people who make me feel uncomfortable just by existing should be terrorized into hiding their authentic selves from me." The point of Don't Say Gay laws and anti-trans bills isn't to eliminate gender nonconformity – it's to drive it into hiding.

Given all this, it's no surprise that workers who face workplace surveillance in the name of "wellness" feel unwell as a result:

https://www.ifow.org/publications/what-impact-does-exposure-to-workplace-technologies-have-on-workers-quality-of-life-briefing-paper

As the Future of Work Institute found in its study, some technologies – systems that make it easier to collaborate and communicate with colleagues – increase workers' sense of wellbeing. But wearables and AI tools make workers feel significantly worse:

https://assets-global.website-files.com/64d5f73a7fc5e8a240310c4d/65eef23e188fb988d1f19e58_Tech%20Exposure%20and%20Worker%20Wellbeing%20-%20Full%20WP%20-%20Final.pdf

Workers who reported these negative feelings confirmed that these tools make them feel "monitored." I mean, of course they do. Even where these tools are nominally designed to help you do your job better, they're also explicitly designed to help your boss keep track of you from moment to moment. As Brandon Vigliarolo writes for The Register, these are the same bosses who have been boasting to their investors about their plans to fire their workers and replace them with AI:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/03/14/advanced_workplace_tech_study/

"Bossware" is a key example of the shitty rainbow of "disciplinary technology," tools that exist to take away human agency by making it easier to surveil and control its users:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/01/bossware/#bossware

Bossware is one of the stages of the Shitty Technology Adoption Curve: the process by which abusive and immiserating technologies progress up the privilege gradient as their proponents refine and normalize dystopian technologies in order to impose them on wider and wider audiences:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/24/gwb-rumsfeld-monsters/#bossware

The kinds of metrics that bossware gathers might be useful to workers, but only if the workers get to decide when, whether and how to share that data with other people. Microsoft Office helps you catch typos by underlining words its dictionary doesn't recognize; the cloud-based, "AI-powered" Office365 tells your boss that you're the 11th-worst speller in your division and uses "sentiment analysis" to predict whether you are likely to cause trouble:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/21/great-taylors-ghost/#solidarity-or-bust

Two hundred years ago, Luddites rose up against machines. Contrary to the ahistorical libel you've heard, the Luddites weren't angry or frightened of machines – they were angry at the machines' owners. They understood – correctly – that the purpose of a machine "so easy a child could use it" was to fire skilled adult workers and replace them with kidnapped, indentured Napoleonic War orphans who could be maimed and killed on the job without consequence:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/12/gig-work-is-the-opposite-of-steampunk/

A hundred years ago, the "Taylorites" picked up where those mill owners left off: choreographing workers' movements to the finest degree in a pseudoscientific effort to produce a kind of kabuki of boss-pleasing robotic efficiency. The new, AI-based Taylorism goes even further, allowing bosses to automatically blacklist gig workers who refuse to cross picket-lines, monitor "self-employed" call center operators in their own homes, and monitor the eyeballs of Amazon drivers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

AI-based monitoring technologies dock workers' wages, suspend them, and even fire them, and when workers object, they're stuck arguing with a chatbot that is the apotheosis of Computer Says No:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/11/robots-stole-my-jerb/#computer-says-no

There's plenty of research about AI successfully "augmenting" workers, making them more productive and I'm the last person to say that automation can't help you get more done:

https://www.ibm.com/thought-leadership/institute-business-value/en-us/report/augmented-workforce

But without understanding how AI augments class warfare – disciplining workers with a scale, speed and granularity beyond the sadistic fantasies of even the most micromanaging asshole boss – this research is meaningless.

The irony of bosses imposing monitoring to improve "wellness" and stave off "burnout" is that nothing is more exhausting, more immiserating, more infuriating than being continuously watched and judged.

Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/15/wellness-taylorism/#sick-of-spying

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #surveillance #workplace surveillance #disciplinary technology #bossware #taylorism #ai #automation unemployment #wellness #health #labor #parenting #luddism

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lowaltitude · 10 days ago

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Dial Tone 5 | Matt Rempe

- NHL, New York Rangers - x Reader

❪ FEM! ❫

───── ❝ description + disclaimer ❞ ─────

𖥻 Matthew Rempe x FEM!reader, in which a wrong number friendship is more than you'd hope for. OR he falls first, he falls hard, he's NYC's biggest enforcer.

𖥻 PART ONE HERE. PART TWO HERE. PART THREE HERE. PART FOUR HERE. 5.2k words

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

We hugged briefly, and it felt oddly natural—like we’d done this a hundred times before. When we pulled apart, he gave me a once-over, his grin turning playful.

“You know,” he said, tilting his head, “you’re a lot shorter in person.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “You’re a giant. Everyone’s short compared to you.”

“Fair point,” he said, stepping aside to let me lead the way toward the counter. “But I think you owe me an apology for all the grief you’ve given me about my height.”

“You’ll survive,” I shot back, glancing over my shoulder at him.

We ordered our drinks, and while we waited, the conversation came easily. It was almost disarming how normal it felt, standing there with him, joking about the ridiculous fake names on the order screen (“Rempe with a P? Really?”) and arguing over who would pay (“Matt, it’s coffee, not a Michelin-star dinner”).

Once we had our drinks, we found a quiet table in the corner. I’d picked this coffee shop intentionally—low-key, tucked away from the busier streets—and it seemed to work. No one gave us a second glance, even as Matt adjusted his baseball cap like he was expecting paparazzi to burst through the door at any second.

“So,” I said, leaning back in my chair, “does this count as me giving you the grand tour of San Diego?”

He smirked. “If this is your idea of a tour, I’m disappointed.”

“Okay, Mr. Critic,” I said, raising a brow. “What do you want? Beaches? Tacos? Both?”

“Both sounds good,” he admitted, taking a sip of his drink. “But let’s not rush it. I’m enjoying the coffee and company.”

My cheeks warmed at the way his tone softened on the last word, but I kept my composure. “Well, lucky for you, I have an entire day planned.”

“Oh yeah?” His brows lifted, and I could see the faintest hint of surprise behind his confident facade. “You’ve been planning this?”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” I said, smirking. “I just figured it would be better than watching you pace around the hotel room.”

He laughed, the sound low and genuine. “Touché.”

We spent the next hour talking about everything and nothing. He told me stories about life on the road with his team—carefully avoiding any specifics that might give away his identity to anyone listening—and I shared some of my most ridiculous college anecdotes, which had him laughing so hard at one point he nearly spilled his coffee.

“Okay,” he said finally, setting his cup down. “I’ve got to admit, this is way more fun than I expected.”

“Wow, what a glowing review,” I said, feigning offense. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

He grinned. “It is. I just didn’t think hanging out in a coffee shop could feel…easy, you know?”

“Maybe it’s the company,” I suggested, my voice light but my heart hammering.

“Maybe it is,” he said, holding my gaze just a second longer than necessary.

For a moment, the noise of the coffee shop faded into the background. The banter, the jokes, the nerves—it all melted away, leaving only the quiet, unspoken connection we’d built over the months.

He broke the silence first, leaning back in his chair and flashing me a crooked smile. “So, about this grand tour…”

“Yes?”

“Think it includes tacos and a sunset?”

“Definitely,” I said, matching his grin. “But only if you can keep up.”

“Challenge accepted,” he said, standing and holding out his hand to me.

I took it without hesitation, his touch warm and grounding. As we stepped out into the sunny San Diego afternoon, I couldn’t help but feel like this was the start of something I didn’t quite have the words for yet—but whatever it was, I knew I wanted to see it through.

The day flew by in a blur of laughter and stolen moments. We grabbed tacos at a local stand he immediately declared “life-changing,” walked along the beach with our shoes in hand, and watched the sun dip below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink.

“You know,” he said as we stood at the water’s edge, his hands shoved into his pockets, “I wasn’t sure how this would go.”

“Why?” I asked, glancing up at him.

“Because meeting someone in real life…it’s different,” he admitted, his voice quieter than usual. “But this? You? It’s better than I imagined.”

His words caught me off guard, and for a moment, I couldn’t think of a clever response. So instead, I just smiled, the kind that reached my eyes.

“Same here,” I said softly.

He smiled back, his expression open and unguarded in a way that made my chest ache.

As the waves lapped at our feet, I realised something: whatever this was—whatever it could become—I was ready to take the chance.

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

By the time we got back to the coffee shop parking lot where we’d left our cars, the city had gone quiet, the hum of the day giving way to the stillness of the evening. Matt leaned against his car, arms crossed, watching me with that same unreadable expression I was starting to recognize as his way of holding back.

“I guess this is it,” he said, his voice light but tinged with something deeper.

“For tonight,” I replied, clutching my keys a little tighter than necessary.

He tilted his head, a small smirk playing on his lips. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, San Diego.”

“Good,” I said before I could stop myself.

His smirk softened into a smile, the kind that made it hard to look away. “So,” he said, pushing off the car, “what’s next? Another tour? A baseball cap-and-sunglasses situation?”

I laughed, the sound more nervous than I wanted it to be. “We’ll see. Depends on how much trouble you want to cause.”

“I’m not the troublemaker here,” he teased, stepping closer. “You’re the one sneaking around with a professional hockey player.”

“Oh, please,” I shot back, rolling my eyes. “If anyone’s sneaking around, it’s you.”

“Fair,” he admitted, his grin widening. “But for the record, I like sneaking around with you.”

The weight of his words hung between us, heavier than the teasing tone they’d been delivered in. For a moment, we just stood there, the quiet of the night wrapping around us like a cocoon.

“I had fun today,” I said finally, my voice softer than I intended.

“Me too,” he replied, his gaze holding mine. “You’re pretty good at this whole real-life thing.”

“Thanks,” I said, grinning. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

We stood there for a moment longer, neither of us seeming ready to leave. Finally, he broke the silence, his voice lower than before. “Drive safe, okay?”

“You too,” I said, stepping back toward my car.

As I opened the door, he called out, “Hey.”

I turned to look at him, my heart doing that stupid fluttering thing it always seemed to do when he was around.

“This doesn’t count as our only tour, right?” he asked, one hand resting on the roof of his car.

“Not even close,” I said, smiling.

He nodded, looking satisfied. “Good.”

I slid into my car, the warmth of his gaze lingering long after I drove away.

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

That night, lying in bed, I stared at my phone for what felt like forever before typing out a message.

Tuesday, September 10, 2024 Today, 11:51PM ME: Today was fun.

It took him less than a minute to reply.

MATT: It was. MATT: So…next time tacos are on me?

I smiled, shaking my head.

ME: You’ve got yourself a deal.

His response was almost immediate:

MATT: Finally I get my chance to woo you like a true gentleman

I set my phone on the nightstand, a quiet laugh escaping me as I pulled the covers up.

It was still new, still uncertain, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

The next day felt like it dragged on forever. My morning classes passed in a blur, and by the time my last lecture ended, I was practically buzzing with nerves. It wasn’t every day that a 6'8" hockey player casually showed up on campus to meet me.

When I stepped out of the lecture hall, Matt was already there, leaning against the bike rack like he belonged on a billboard instead of a college campus. He was wearing a dark hoodie pulled low over his head and a pair of sunglasses, the kind of look that screamed “trying not to be recognized” while also being ridiculously conspicuous.

“You know,” I said as I approached him, “if you’re trying to blend in, you’re doing a terrible job.”

He pushed his sunglasses up onto his head, revealing that lopsided grin of his. “Hey, this is my best incognito look. Don’t knock it.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the way my stomach flipped at the sight of him. “You look like you’re about to rob a convenience store.”

“Well, I’ve got to protect my reputation,” he said, falling into step beside me as we headed toward the parking lot. “Can’t have anyone finding out I’m sneaking off campus with the coolest girl here.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Yeah, I’m sure people are lining up to take pictures of me.”

“Maybe they should be,” he shot back, his tone light but sincere enough to make my cheeks warm.

Before I could respond, a familiar voice called out behind me “Y/N! Hey, is that you?”

I turned sharply, spotting my friend Rachel walking across the quad toward us. My stomach flipped, and not in a good way. Rachel wasn’t the kind of person to let something like this slide without a million questions.

Matt glanced at me, his brow raised in silent question.

“That’s my friend,” I muttered, already feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. “We need to go.”

“Why?” he asked, though he was already moving with me as I grabbed his arm.

“Because if she sees us together, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Without thinking, I laced my fingers through his and tugged him along, my heart racing as we half-walked, half-jogged toward the parking lot.

“Y/N!” Rachel called again, her voice closer now.

“Move faster,” I hissed, glancing over my shoulder to see her gaining on us.

Matt didn’t say a word, but his hand tightened around mine, his long strides easily keeping pace with me. It wasn’t until we reached his rental car that I realized how ridiculous we must look—a frantic girl dragging a guy who could probably pick her up with one hand.

He unlocked the car with a quick press of a button, and I all but shoved him toward the driver’s side. “Get in, get in!”

He chuckled as he opened the door, sliding into the seat. “You’re surprisingly bossy when you’re in panic mode.”

“Just drive!” I said, slipping into the passenger seat and slamming the door behind me.

Rachel reached the edge of the parking lot just as Matt pulled out, her confused expression shrinking in the rearview mirror. I exhaled a long breath, leaning back against the seat.

“That,” Matt said, his tone amused, “was the most exciting escape I’ve ever had on a college campus.”

I turned to him, realizing our hands were still joined. I quickly pulled mine away, my cheeks burning. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” he said, glancing over at me with a grin. “I kind of liked it. Felt like we were in a spy movie or something.”

I groaned, covering my face with my hands. “She’s going to text me like twenty times asking who you are.”

“Just tell her I’m your overly tall, very photogenic friend.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, the tension in my chest finally easing. Despite the chaos, it was hard to feel anything but light when I was with him.

As we drove toward the movie theater, I stole a glance at him, a small smile tugging at my lips. Maybe this wasn’t how I imagined today going, but holding his hand—even for a moment—felt like the start of something I hadn’t dared to dream about before.

The drive to the movie theater was filled with a mix of banter and quiet moments that felt just as comfortable. He’d picked a smaller theater in a nearby neighborhood, one that wasn’t likely to attract too much attention.

“I thought we’d try to keep it low-key, and Google said this cinema gets an average of 12 customers a day,” he said as we pulled into the parking lot.

“Smart move,” I replied, glancing around at the unassuming building.

Matt climbed out of the SUV, and as I unbuckled my seatbelt, I watched him scramble around the front of the car to the passenger side. He paused dramatically before opening the door for me, and I raised an eyebrow.

“Chivalry’s not dead, huh?”

“Not when I’m involved,” he said with a wink.

Inside, we bought our tickets and a ridiculous amount of snacks, Matt insisting on carrying everything because “it’s the least I can do.”

“You’re single-handedly keeping this theater in business,” I teased as he precariously balanced the popcorn, candy, and drinks.

We found seats near the back of the theater, and as the lights dimmed, I couldn’t help but steal a glance at him. He was focused on the screen, a faint smile on his lips, but as if sensing my gaze, he turned his head and caught me.

He leaned in, his voice barely above a whisper. “You good?”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling. “Just…it’s still weird seeing you in real life.”

He chuckled softly. “I could say the same about you.”

The movie started, and for a while, we both fell into the story, sharing laughter and the occasional whispered comment. It felt easy, natural—like we’d done this a hundred times before.

At one point, his hand brushed mine as he reached for the popcorn. Neither of us moved away immediately, and I could feel the warmth of his skin against mine. My breath caught, but I forced myself to focus back on the screen, my pulse racing for reasons that had nothing to do with the movie.

When the credits rolled, we lingered for a moment, neither of us in a hurry to leave. But eventually, we made our way back to his car under the soft glow of the streetlights, the air between us buzzing with unspoken words.

“So,” he said as we climbed in, “on a scale of one to ten, how bad was that movie?”

I laughed. “Solid six. But the company made up for it.”

“Good save,” he said, his grin widening as he started the car.

The drive back to my apartment was quieter, the kind of silence that felt companionable rather than awkward. When he pulled up to the curb outside my building, I hesitated for a moment before unbuckling my seatbelt.

“Thanks for today,” he said, his tone softer now. “I had fun.”

“Me too,” I replied, feeling the truth of it settle in my chest.

He leaned against the steering wheel, looking at me like he wanted to say something more. Finally, he asked, “See you tomorrow?”

I nodded, my smile growing. “Yeah. Tomorrow.”

As he drove away, I stood on the sidewalk for a moment, the cool night air brushing against my skin. My cheeks ached from smiling, and my heart felt a little lighter.

Whatever this was between us—whatever it might turn into—I couldn’t wait to find out.

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

The next day came faster than I expected. Between classes and trying to focus on a group project, my mind kept drifting back to Matt. I hadn’t told my friends much, only that he was “someone I’d been talking to for a while.” It wasn’t a lie, but it definitely wasn’t the full truth.

When my last class ended, I stepped outside into the warm late-afternoon sun, scanning the parking lot for Matt. I spotted him leaning against the rental car, sunglasses on and arms crossed casually. He looked so effortlessly cool that I almost laughed.

“You trying to be in a movie poster or something?” I called as I approached.

He grinned, pushing the sunglasses up onto his head. “What can I say? I aim to impress.”

“Well, mission accomplished,” I said, rolling my eyes but smiling anyway.

He opened the passenger door for me—again—and I didn’t bother teasing him this time. “You’re really consistent with this chivalry thing,” I said as I climbed in.

“Hey, I have to make up for all the times I couldn’t do it over FaceTime,” he replied, shutting the door behind me before jogging around to the driver’s side.

The drive to the beach was easy, the salty air growing stronger as we got closer. He’d suggested a sunset picnic, complete with food he’d picked up from a local spot he’d “googled extensively.”

“So, how was class?” he asked as we walked down to the sand, a blanket slung over his arm and a bag of food in hand.

“Pretty boring compared to this,” I said, gesturing at the ocean stretching out before us. “You’re setting the bar pretty high, Manhattan.”

“Good. I like a challenge,” he said, spreading the blanket out in a spot with a perfect view of the water.

We sat side by side, unwrapping sandwiches and chips as the sun dipped lower in the sky. The conversation flowed easily, moving from his last game to my classes to random trivia.

“You know,” he said between bites, “I was worried this might be weird.”

“Weird how?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Like…what if we didn’t click in person the way we do over text or FaceTime?” He hesitated, then added, “But it’s not weird. It’s better.”

His words caught me off guard, and I looked down at the sandwich in my hands, suddenly hyperaware of how close we were sitting.

“I feel the same,” I admitted quietly.

For a moment, the only sound was the gentle crash of the waves. Then he turned to me, his expression soft but serious. “So, does this count as a date, or do I need to up my game?”

I laughed, shaking my head. “You tell me. You’re the one who planned it.”

“Well, if it is a date,” he said, leaning back on his hands, “I think it’s going pretty well.”

I didn’t have a clever comeback for that, so I just smiled, letting the moment settle around us. The sky darkened as we lingered on the blanket, the distant sound of seagulls fading into the rhythmic crash of waves. Neither of us seemed in a hurry to leave, the easy flow of conversation filling the space between us.

“I’m impressed,” I said, gesturing to the now-empty food containers. “You didn’t oversell this picnic thing. It was actually really good.”

Matt smirked, brushing some sand off his hands. “High praise coming from someone who almost turned me down for this.”

“Almost,” I emphasized. “But I didn’t.”

“And aren’t you glad you didn’t?”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help laughing. “You’re impossible.”

“Impossible to resist, maybe,” he shot back, his grin widening.

Before I could respond, a gust of wind whipped past us, tugging at my hair and sending a shiver down my spine. Without a word, Matt shrugged off his hoodie and held it out to me.

“Here,” he said.

“You don’t have to—”

“Just take it, San Diego,” he interrupted, his tone playful but insistent.

I gave in, slipping the hoodie over my head. It was warm and smelled faintly of his cologne, a mix of woodsy and clean that made my stomach flip. “Thanks,” I mumbled, tugging the sleeves over my hands.

“You’re welcome,” he said, leaning back again, his gaze drifting out toward the ocean.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while, the stars beginning to dot the darkening sky. I glanced over at him, his profile outlined by the soft glow of the moonlight.

“You look like you belong here,” I said without thinking.

He turned to me, one eyebrow raised. “What, on a beach?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean…just, here. Like this. Relaxed. Happy.”

His expression softened, and for a moment, he looked at me like I’d said something important, something that mattered.

“I think that’s because of you,” he said quietly.

My heart skipped, the weight of his words settling in a way that felt both exhilarating and terrifying.

“You don’t have to say things like that,” I said, trying to play it off, though my voice wavered slightly.

“But I mean it,” he replied, his tone steady.

The vulnerability in his gaze made it impossible to look away. For a brief, reckless moment, I considered leaning in, closing the small distance between us.

But then he broke the tension with a smirk. “Plus, if I said it’s because of the sandwiches, I’d sound like a jerk.”

I laughed, grateful for the reprieve. “You’re lucky you’re funny, Rempe.”

“I’m lucky for a lot of things,” he said, his voice softer now.

The words hung in the air, and I didn’t know what to say in response. Instead, I leaned back, letting the sound of the waves and the warmth of his hoodie wrap around me like a shield against the uncertainty of whatever this was turning into.

As the night deepened, he finally stood and offered me a hand. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll drive you home before you freeze.”

I took his hand, the touch grounding me in a way I hadn’t expected. “Thanks,” I said, letting him pull me to my feet.

“For what?”

“For tonight,” I said, meeting his gaze. “It was…perfect.”

His smile was small but genuine. “Good. Because I don’t plan on this being the last time.”

And as we walked back to the car, I realised I didn’t want it to be, either.

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

The next morning, I strolled into my lecture hall, clutching a coffee and running a little later than I’d planned. The classroom buzzed with pre-class chatter, students flipping through notes or scrolling on their phones.

Sliding into my usual seat near the middle, I tugged the hood up and slouched in my chair, trying to fight the remnants of sleepiness still clinging to me. Matt’s hoodie—warm, soft, and ridiculously oversized—felt like a comforting cocoon.

“Okay, spill.”

I glanced up to see my friend plop down in the seat next to me, her eyes immediately zeroing in on my outfit.

“What?” I asked, playing innocent as I took a sip of my coffee.

“Don’t ‘what’ me,” she said, leaning closer. “That hoodie is not yours. Whose is it? And why are you wearing it like it’s a security blanket?”

I shrugged, trying to keep my expression neutral. “It’s just a friend’s. No big deal.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “A friend? Since when do you borrow hoodies from friends?”

“It was cold last night, okay?” I said, lowering my voice. “He let me borrow it. End of story.”

Her eyes sparkled with interest. “He? Oh, this just keeps getting better. Is it the same mystery guy you keep texting during literally everything? Because if it is, I need details.”

I groaned, knowing there was no way she’d let this go. “Can we not do this here? Class is about to start.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” she said, smirking. “We’ll circle back.”

As the professor started the lecture, I tried to focus on the material, but my friend’s amused glances made it nearly impossible. I could feel her scheming from two feet away.

Halfway through class, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Subtly, I glanced at the screen under the desk.

Friday, September 13, 2024 Today, 9:15am MATT: Good morning, San Diego. MATT: Hope my hoodie’s getting a better education than I ever did.

I bit back a smile, quickly typing a reply.

ME: It’s sitting through Intro to Philosophy. I think it misses the rink.

His response came almost immediately.

MATT: Pretty sure it’s thrilled to be near you.

Heat rose to my cheeks, and I tucked my phone away before my friend could notice.

After class ended, my friend caught up with me as we walked out of the building. “Okay, so who is he?” she demanded.

I sighed. “He’s…a guy I’ve been talking to for a while. It’s nothing serious.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You’re wearing his hoodie in public. That’s at least medium serious.”

“Fine,” I said, rolling my eyes. “He’s someone I met through mutual friends, and we’ve been hanging out. That’s all.”

“For now,” she said knowingly. “But if he’s making you smile like that, I want to meet him. Soon.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that “meeting him” might come with a whole host of complications neither of us was ready for. Instead, I just nodded, tucking my hands into the hoodie pocket and thinking about how things felt a little less complicated when it was just me and Matt.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of lectures and assignments, but my mind kept drifting back to Matt. Every time I reached into the hoodie pocket or caught its faint scent, it was like a little reminder of him, tugging at my thoughts.

By the time I was in my last class of the day—a dull elective I’d taken mostly to fill a credit—I was practically counting the minutes until it ended. That’s when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Frowning, I glanced down at the screen. It was Matt.

Normally, he’d text, especially if he knew I was in class. My stomach tightened as I slipped out of my seat, mouthing a quick “bathroom” to the professor before ducking into the hallway to answer.

“Hey, everything okay?” I asked, ducking into the hallway.

“Not really,” he said, his voice rushed and tinged with frustration. “I’m on my way to the airport.”

“What?” I stopped in my tracks, clutching the phone tighter. “Why? I thought you were staying through the weekend.”

“I was,” he said, letting out a sharp breath. “But they’re making all the Rangers players fly back to New York ASAP. Something about scheduling changes and needing to finalize practice rink times. It’s a mess.”

My heart sank. “Matt…”

“I’m so sorry,” he cut in, his words tumbling over each other. “I didn’t want to just leave without saying anything. This wasn’t supposed to happen, San Diego. I swear, I thought we had more time.”

“It’s okay,” I said softly, though disappointment clawed at my chest.

“No, it’s not,” he insisted. “I feel like an ass. I dragged you into this, made plans, and now I’m bailing. I hate it.”

I leaned against the wall, wishing I could reach through the phone and shake him out of his guilt. “Hey, it’s not your fault. Stuff happens, right? It’s not like you’re choosing to leave.”

There was a pause, filled with the muffled sounds of an airport terminal. Then he sighed. “I just… I don’t want this to mess things up between us. This weekend was supposed to be about spending time together.”

“Matt,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “it’s fine. Really. We’ve been friends this long, even across time zones. What’s a little more distance?”

Another pause, then a low chuckle that was more sigh than laugh. “You always know what to say, don’t you?”

“Just call me your personal pep talker,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. Then, with a wry grin, I added, “Besides, it’s Friday the 13th. What did we expect? Things to go smoothly?”

That got a real laugh out of him, warm and familiar even through the phone. “You’re probably right. Should’ve seen it coming.”

“Definitely,” I replied, my smile lingering even as my chest tightened.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he said, his tone firm now. “As soon as I can, I’ll be back. And next time, we’ll do things right.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” I replied, forcing a cheerfulness I didn’t entirely feel.

“Okay,” he said, softer now. “I’ll text you when I land. And thanks for…you know, not being mad.”

“Safe travels, Manhattan,” I said, my voice quieter.

“You too, San Diego,” he murmured before the call ended.

I stared at my phone for a long moment, the empty hallway feeling just a little colder, before heading back into class. If the past few months had taught me anything, it was how to keep moving forward—even when the person I wanted most was miles away.

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

to be continued (one last time)... hehehe

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keiratheraven · 8 months ago

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Bentley 8 Squad & Bella Goth as Taylor Swift Albums

I didn't put Taylor's self-titled album because she herself didn't include her songs from this album in The Eras Tour. I know, everyone will think that Angie is the only faithful swiftie. But I think almost of all her albums has resemblance to the Bentley 8 Squad, and Bella Goth as well.

Fearless (2008): similar to Johnny Smith, even though he has green skin, he has a strong confidence and doesn't care what others think about him.

Speak Now (2010): similar to Angela Pleasant. Angela is a swiftie from the beginning, and the butterfly + koi fish aesthetics in this album is very personal to her.

Red (2012): No need to explain. The entire RED album especially the color belongs to the Legendary Bella Goth.

1989 (2014): The blue aesthetics and the dreams of NYC belongs to Dirk, ofc.

Reputation (2017): The dark aesthetic and snakes. Need I say more? Couldn't be better for Lilith.

Lover (2019): Ripp is a romance sim who is proudly bisexual, and I believe "You Need to Calm Down" is his favorite LGBTQ+ Anthem.

Folklore/Evermore (2020): Puck is a fairy who loves nature, and he spends most of his time in the forest or woods.

Midnights (2022): I believe Dustin likes the lighter symbolism due to his bad boy nature, and "Vigilante Shit" is his favorite revenge anthem.

The Tortured Poets Department (2024): Ophelia is a poet who has anxiety and depression like the songs represented in this album. And the gray aesthetics belongs to her.

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what-if-i-just-did · 3 months ago

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Guilt & Revenge: Trust Issues

Whumptober Day 2: Trust Issues

Guilt & Revenge Masterlist

Wa I'm so excited to introduce ya'll to Noah-Elise!! Honestly she's so stubborn she just decided to be the caretaker in a story that wasn't supposed to have one but I'm just gonna sit back and see where she's taking this.

(I've literally made moodboards for every room in her apartment and I have a floorplan of it help)

TWs: Recovery after years of torture, anxiety, fear of breaking rules, mentions of food, blood, lack of clothing options, being deadnamed, getting startled by a slammed door, tears, having a bath, cells, and being really skinny

Amber hesitantly looked around the part of the apartment he could see. It wasn’t that big, but it was decent, considering they were in NYC. It was much bigger than the cell.

The colours in the living room, where they were standing, were all tints of cream and gray and brown and natural greens, all very homey and comfortable. Still, it set his nerves alight. Noah-Elise was wearing a baby blue dress with a black corset, neon blue and black striped thigh-high socks, a lot of gothic jewelry, and a dark blue flannel. It had been a while since he’d seen anyone in alternative clothes. It was weird, remembering how he used to spend all his time being a part of those subcultures. He eyed the flannel suspiciously. It looked eerily similar to one that Mercedes had.

He could see a few doors, all open. He saw black tiles from a bathroom floor, and he was suddenly very grateful they weren’t white. He didn’t think he’d’ve liked going in there if it had been white. He could see the counter of what seemed like a narrow kitchen. He saw a double bed and a large, mirrored closet in another room, and quickly averted his eyes. It was clearly Noah-Elise’s bedroom, and.. he didn’t like the mirror. There was one more door, which wasn’t quite shut, but nonetheless, he couldn’t see inside the room behind it.

The past few days had been entirely chaotic. Passing out wasn’t a particularly new experience to him, but waking up in the hospital had been. He still couldn’t believe it had taken him several days to wake up. Noah-Elise had come almost as soon as he’d called, and their reunion was tearful and overwhelming. Everything had been so overwhelming.

The doctor had come and checked him over, Noah-Elise had said that he’d be staying with her, and she’d gotten instructions on how to take care of him and to watch out for refeeding syndrome and all these other things that, frankly, scared him. Everything scared him.

“Want a quick tour? There’s not really much to see..” Noah-Elise smiled apologetically. He hated it. He hated the way he was being treated like he was fragile- he hated more than anything that it was for good reason. It all felt so wrong. He shouldn’t’ve gotten out. It was a mistake. An accident. If he was as obedient as he was supposed to be, he should go back. Tell them he wasn’t dead, they made a mistake. Face whatever punishment was deemed suitable for this all. But he was so desperately relieved to be out… he couldn’t go back even if he wanted to. Not that the doctors or Noah-Elise would have allowed it. But still, it just.. felt wrong.

He nodded silently, and she smiled wider in pride. What was there to be proud of? All he did was nod. He sighed, and trailed after her. She pointed out the bathroom- which was dark purple and black, darker colors than he’d seen in a very long time. The hospital had seemed so colorful after years of a plain white cell, but Noah-Elise’s apartment really reminded him that other colors also existed. It was startling but.. good. It was a very fancy-looking bathroom, and he knew instinctively that Noah-Elise had DIY’d her way through most of the decor. That hurt, for some reason. He knew her so well.. had known her so well. And now, who knew how she had changed?

He was scared of her. Couldn’t help it. For years, the presence of another person had very rarely not meant pain. He hated it. He wanted to trust her, to curl up in her arms and feel safe, like he was fifteen again, and cry. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t trust her. His guard had been up ever since he’d woken up, with all these strange new things that weren’t actually new and he was exhausted. He wanted her to leave him alone so he could curl up and sleep without worrying about being woken up and thrown straight into more pain. He hated himself for wanting her to leave when she’d been nothing but kind to him- taking him in, taking care of him, but not just now. Ever since they were thirteen, she’d been there for him. What had he ever done for her?

The kitchen was very narrow, even more than his cell. It was white, and had paint splattered strategically all over the wall and cabinets. For a second Amber thought it was wallpaper before he spotted the stray splotches on the ceiling, past the line of where the painting tape must have been. “Did that ourselves”, is what Noah-Elise said when she caught him looking. Which startled the fuck out of him, making him feel like he’d been caught breaking a rule. A flicker of pity, or realization, crossed her face, before she slightly stammered and moved on.

She opened the door at the far end of the kitchen, leading to the balcony. There was a potted sunflower in the corner, and a hammock in the middle, and not much else. “This is one of my favorite places to hang out and read when it’s sunny. You’ll love it”, Noah-Elise said, with a soft, hopeful smile that broke Amber’s heart. He knew that damn smile. Same way she smiled after Jake got into a bar fight and she’d disinfected his scraped hands. Same way she smiled when Trevor came home after someone at school had bullied him for having two dads. He knew the damn smile, because he knew her, so why did he feel so fucking unsafe with her? If he couldn’t even feel safe with Noah-Elise…

The first year, or two.. on the boat, it was hard to tell the time but.. the first while, all he’d thought about was coming back home to her and Jake, and Trevor and Dave & Zander. He was out!!! Why couldn’t he just be okay now?!

Amber was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of a door slamming. Immediately, a thousand apologies and pleadings were on his tongue, but they died at his lips, when he saw Noah-Elise’s face. Her face had changed too, of course. She was older now. Not really a teenager anymore. Fuck, neither was he. “Shit! I’m sorry, Am. The balcony doors are really hard to close, I just.. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, are you okay? Amber?”

He still wasn’t used to being called his real name again. His vision went blurry with tears, and he couldn’t tell if it was from the fright, or from the sheer relief that overcame him. He quickly nodded, hoping she didn’t notice. “I’m okay,” he whispered, “Just scared.”

Noah-Elise seemed to realize he didn’t couldn’t handle comfort right now, and he was grateful for the fact that she just moved on without mentioning it.

She showed him her bedroom without entering it. It was mint and baby pink. Not just the walls… everything. The bedding, the floor, the rug, the curtains, even the bathrobes hanging on the door.

“If you need something while I’m in here, please knock, kay? Unless it’s uh, an emergency, or if I’m asleep. Yeah?”

He nodded silently, noting that he wasn’t allowed in her room without permission. He ignored the “emergency” thing. Emergencies mean urgency, and urgency meant it was about something important, which he was not. He didn’t even have to go through that thought process, it was just obvious to him that emergencies could never apply to him.

Amber wondered if he’d be allowed to sleep on the sofa in the living room. It seemed really comfortable.

“You also saw the living room since it’s also kind of the hallway so… last but not least, the guest room. Or, I guess it’s your room now.” Noah-Elise further opened the door that he hadn’t been able to see past, revealing a bedroom with dark blues and pastel yellows, almost a beach theme. His jaw would have dropped if his most prominent stress response wasn’t a poker face. He got a whole room to himself..? Fuck, that bed looked amazingly soft. His own room? She was planning on keeping him that long? He got to.. to stay here? Holy shit. He couldn’t even comprehend.. this wasn’t a joke, right? He could barely comprehend that he’d be allowed to sleep in that amazing-looking bed, with proper bedding, holy fuck..

Suddenly he became aware she was still talking. “Sorry, what?” He felt so bad for interrupting her but he didn’t wanna miss any more of what she was saying. It had to be important if she was bothering to tell him. The color in the room was colorful enough not to remind him of his cell, but still calm enough that he didn’t feel too overwhelmed… it was perfect.

“I said, let’s get you some clean clothes… yeah?” Noah-Elise looked at him, concerned.

He stared at her, even more speechless than he’d been before. Clean clothes..? He looked down at what he was wearing. A tank top that was once white, now almost brown with filth and dried blood. Cargo shorts that Paul bought him… maybe a year ago already? Also covered in filth, but more sturdy than the top, which was even torn in places. It wasn’t visible, but he knew that the boxershorts he was wearing under the cargo shorts had a few holes in them, threadbare in some places. He’d only gotten new underwear once since he’d woken up in the cell.

“Okay, you can wait for me in the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

An order, one he was more than willing to follow. He hated how being given a command slightly calmed his anxiety, but he obeyed anyway. He’d get clothes. And a soft bed. He couldn’t afford to screw up. A tiny voice, somewhere in the back of his mind, told him Noah-Elise wouldn’t withhold clothing or bedding if he didn’t obey her. He frowned at it.

Why wouldn’t she? That’s how things work. Right? He shook his head.

After a few minutes, Noah-Elise came back with a little pile of clothes. “Here”, she said. “I’ll give you some privacy to change. Tell me if you need anything?”

Amber looked at her in awe, and nodded. Then his brain caught up, and he realized he was given permission to request something. He was already given so many things but… “Food?”

“Oh! Of course. I’ll have dinner ready once you’re done, if you wanna take a bath. And.. Amber?”

“Mm?” He was still staring at the clothes.

“I’m glad you’re home. Like.. really glad.”

He looked up, and for the first time in probably over a year, smiled genuinely. “Me too.”

He locked the bathroom door and ran a bath, sitting in it until the water was brown and cold. Afterwards, he got dressed in the clothes he’d been given; a pair of skinny jeans that didn’t feel tight on him, a band shirt of Within Temptation that felt like it was swallowing him whole, and a red flannel. He felt more covered than he had in years. He wasn’t even questioning why Noah-Elise had pants that actually reached down to his ankles, cause fuck knows if they were hers they wouldn't have. He’d been promised food- he could even smell it. And there was a soft bed waiting for him. And… it was all because of Noah-Elise.

He quietly slipped out of the bathroom and watched her cook. He felt like he was breaking a rule, looking at her without her knowing. It made him nervous. But he stayed for a minute, just watching. He was still scared. That wouldn’t go away any time soon. But maybe it would eventually.

Maybe he could learn to trust his best friend again.

#whumptober #trust issues #whump #oc whump #recovery #whump writing #whumpblr #Amber Ruane (OC)#Guilt and Revenge

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therosielord · 2 months ago

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If you are planning on fleeing a red state, here is my pitch for moving to Chicago

I am a lesbian and a lifelong Chicagoan and I fuckin love it here. I grew up here, went to college here, and now live here as an adult, and I have no plans to leave. Despite being the 3rd biggest city in America, Chicago gets weirdly overlooked a lot and many people have never even been here.

If you are fleeing a red state because you're LGBTQ+, a woman, or an immigrant, here are the reasons I think you should move to Chicago:

We're a super queer-friendly city with several historically queer neighborhoods (that are actually affordable enough to live in).

Illinois has literally never voted red in my entire lifetime. That's the entire 21st century so far, btw.

We have a looooong history of fighting for abortion rights, even helping women get care before it was legal (google the Jane Collective).

Although there are red counties in the more rural part of the states, the blue influence of Chicago spreads far beyond the city's official borders. Chicago has such a large network of sprawling towns around it that still feel like a part of the city that we have a name for it: Chicagoland! So even if you're not a city person, you can find lots of more rural spaces within Chicagoland.

If you can't stand the idea of living too far from nature, never fear: there are tons of gorgeous nature preserves around Chicago! I grew up in a suburb where both the city border AND a forest preserve were a bike ride away.

Illinois has a great governor, J. B. Pritzker, whose response after the recent election was "To anyone who intends to come take away the freedom, opportunity, and dignity of Illinoisans, I would remind you that a happy warrior is still a warrior. You come for my people – you come through me."

We're a very diverse city with a large immigrant population. (Fun fact: the only city with a larger population of Polish people is Warsaw.) We have many localized ethnic neighborhoods all over the city. Which ties into my next point...

We have amazing food! Seriously, Chicago is super overlooked as one of the best eating cities in the country. I can find literally any cuisine from any country somewhere in Chicagoland, and we have everything from 3 Michelin star restaurants to hidden gem counter service spots with the best tacos al pastor you've ever had.

We have very strict gun control laws. Unfortunately, people get around these laws by going to Indiana to buy guns (thanks a LOT, Indiana), but the extra hassle means that there are actually fewer guns here than in red states and no one can open carry.

Chicago has a $15 citywide minimum wage and has plans to phase out tipping in restaurants (replaced with higher salaries).

We have really amazing museums like the Art Institute of Chicago (widely considered to be one of the best museums IN THE WORLD), the Field Museum (home to the most complete T-Rex ever, our beautiful mascot Sue), as well as a great aquarium, modern art museum, planetarium, and so many more I can't list them all. And they all have free days for Illinois residents!

We have great public transit. I don't own a car, most of my friends don't own a car, and we can get around just fine.

We never have hurricanes because we're a LAKE city, baby. We do have tornados but they rarely hit the actual city, they tend to stay out where there's more open space.

Cost of living is lower than other major blue cities like San Francisco and NYC

We have two baseball teams so that's double the baseball

Broadway shows frequently do a premier in Chicago before they open in NYC so we get a lot of huge musicals here. I've gotten free tickets to shows that later went on to tour the country.

Unlike SOME other large blue cities I could mention, we know how to put our trash in DUMPSTERS instead of IN THE STREET.

Giant bean

Your life will change after you've had a juicy Italian beef sandwich with hot giardiniera.

And finally, to address all the stories about Chicago being a crime-ridden warzone, here's the deal: they are simply not true. Where do those stories come from? It's simple: Chicago has a historically large black population and we're a liberal city. Racist republicans have convinced themselves that this means we must be a haven for crime. We have the same amount of crime as any large city, which is to say: far less crime per capita than in rural red areas. Seriously, look it up.

Not only is Chicago not the most dangerous city in America, we don't even make the list of the top 25.

But the thing is, those lies about Chicago actually kind of work in our favor, because it means that Republicans are too scared to come here. My own grandparents haven't visited in 10 years because they're convinced that if they do they'll get shot or something.

Anyway, move to Chicago, it's great here. And it'll probably be one of the safest strongholds for whatever comes in the next 4 years. If you're also from Chicago and have any other points I missed, please add them!

#lgbtq #lgbtqia #chicago #election 2024 #community aid #blah blah blah #abortion rights #abortion

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stassiemontgomery · 3 months ago

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" Oh, I'm sorry, sorry that you love me (ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) Change my mind up like it's origami "

leaving lipstick stains on collars, popping champagne over conversations in foreign languages, and early sunday mornings sneaking out of stranger’s beds to get to get barre class ...

►GENERAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Anastasia Victorie Montgomery NICKNAME(S): Ana, Stassie LABEL: The Ice Princess AGE: 25 DATE OF BIRTH: July 10, 1999 ZODIAC: Cancer Sun, Virgo Rising, Leo Moon GENDER & PRONOUNS: Female; She/Her HERITAGE: English, Russian SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S): English, French, Russian OCCUPATION: Olympic Figure Skater / Professional Dancer SEXUALITY & ROMANCE: Bisexual; Biromantic { female preference }

► APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: Jessica Alexander HEIGHT: 5'6" WEIGHT: 121 lbs. DOMINANT HAND: Right HAIR COLOR: Strawberry Blonde EYE COLOR: Blue SCARS: None. TATTOOS: None.

►PERSONALITY

POSITIVE TRAITS: Adroit, Romantic, Loyal, Brave, Compassionate, Passionate, Ambitious, Benevolent, Athletic. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Enigmatic, Guarded, Sensitive, Stubborn, Easily Bored, Perfectionistic, Detached. LIKES: Cafes, the sound of records playing, the smell of a new book and the smell of rain, astronomy, nature, cable-knit sweaters, the city lights, messy buns, old drive-ins, traveling, art museums, Shakespeare, Van Gogh, deep conversations, road trips, poetry, midnight runs. DISLIKES: Being told what to do, being the first to show up, being the last to show up, not being taken seriously, someone underestimating her, the cold, feeling rushed, the sensation of being crowded, being called ‘selfish’ or 'ungrateful', restriction of freedom, close-minded people, being talked over, people who sell out, those without passion.

►MENTALITY

PHOBIAS: Atychiphobia DISORDERS: OCD ALLERGIES: Seasonal (Pollen)

►BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN: Manhattan, NYC CURRENT RESIDENCE: Beverly Park, Los Angeles, CA EDUCATION LEVEL: BA in Mass Communications FAMILIAL CONNECTIONS: -Aurelia Montgomery - 54, Mother -Victor Montgomery - 50, Father

►FAVORITES

FOOD: Chocolate-covered strawberries DRINK: London Fog MOVIE: Black Swan / Marie Antoinette TV SHOW: The L Word, Sex Lives of College Girls, Bridgerton ARTIST/BAND: Tate McRae, The 1975, FLETCHER, Renee Rapp SONG: exes - Tate McRae

► EXTRA INFORMATION

JUNG TYPE: ENFP ENNEAGRAM: The Pathfinder (7w6) TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good SIN: Pride VIRTUE: Diligence ELEMENT: Fire CHARACTER PLAYLIST

"I'm a wild ride that never stops. I'm a hard case they can't unlock."

► BIOGRAPHY

TW; family dysfunction

When Anastasia was born, her name was given as a path of life. Her mother having had been one of the most famous ballerinas for the Russian Ballet, it only made sense to give her daughter the name of one of the most sought-after roles for dancers. At the time, her parents had no idea just how big of a force she was going to be in the ballet realm. As others took steps, Anastasia took leaps. She was quickly the favorite in every studio she walked into, and she also managed to be the top of her class in academics as well. Even when making the switch from a public school to a prestigious performing arts school when she was in middle school, Anastasia never faltered in the changes in her life. From Clara in The Nutcracker, to Odette and Odile in Swan Lake, her talent well proceeded her and her mother gracefully handed on the baton of the ballet legacy when she retired. Though, Anastasia loved ballet; the discipline and well as the freedom, she also began to struggle when her mother retired. It was then, that she wasn't dancing for herself anymore, but living a life her mother could live vicariously through. At least she still had figure skating. Figure skating was something that was fully Anastasia's. Even when she was first competing, she loved the adrenaline rush that came from being on the ice. After the induction into the NYC Ballet, after touring headlining shows and juggling a social life and her figure skating, Anastasia told her mother that she wanted to pursue a higher education in mass communications. She received a full-ride scholarship (though she didn't need it) for an accelerated program in journalism and mass communications because of her GPA and outstanding SAT scores to NYU. Her father was the one who wouldn't let her pass it up. Suddenly, Anastasia's name is plastered all over the papers when her competition broke their ankle. Now having to compete in a placement that was given to her on a technicality, Anastasia is battling the negative headlines whilst trying to clean her family name. Ana is currently residing in Beverly Park try to get some of the pressure from the press off of her.

► DEEP DIVE

Anastasia is a force to be reckoned with; She's not afraid to speak her mind, and competition runs in her veins. If she wants something, she goes and gets it, and may no one get stuck in her path. Though she can be intense in these ways, she also has a warmth to her that draws people in. Elegant, soft, and almost whimsical - Anastasia can never truly fit in anywhere. If anything, she sticks out like a sore thumb. This aspect about her either makes her well-loved or disliked (some may write her off as pretentious or snobby), depending on the person. She loves art history due to her father being an art historian and growing up listening to all sorts of foreign fairytales and mythology. She's a hopeless romantic, but tends to self sabotage relationships. She enjoys dancing in the rain and making life cinematic at any and every opportunity. She's genuinely kind, and at the end of the day she'll make anyone laugh without knowing she's being funny. She's just drawn as a villian but has such a soft girl vibe.She's just guarded to a default due to coming from old money on her father's side and experiencing people trying to use her/them to get to the fortune.

#vigilante.intro #//here she is!

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bookishfreedom · 9 months ago

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Happy Pub day to a book as delightful as its cover suggests! 🪴✨🩷

Finally Fitz follows Ava "Fitz" Fitzgerald, a teen fashion influencer following her dreams - and her girlfriend, Dani - to New York City for a competitive summer fashion program.

But shortly after arrives, her picture-perfect summer falls apart when Dani breaks up with her, taking Fitz's confidence and inspiration along with her.

After a chance run-in with her long-long childhood best friend Levi, also going through his own breakup, Fitz concocts the perfect solution: fake dating to make both of their exes jealous enough to want them back. What could possibly go wrong?

Admittedly it took me a while to really get into this one, but after sticking with it, I ended up really enjoying it!!

Fitz is messy and complicated and real. She is someone simply trying to figure out her place in the world, in a way that I think we can all relate to. (Anyone who can't handle second-hand embarrassment from books? Consider yourself warned.)

I absolutely fell in love with Levi and all of his plant-rescuing, tour guiding dorkiness. If anything, I felt like we didn't get enough of Levi. Understandably so; Fitz deals with lots of challenges during her time in New York, challenges that are equal parts heartwarming and heartbreaking. Still, I would ve loved to see even more depth to Levi outside of his relationship with Fitz.

This was the first YA novel I've read that has made me feel old - apparently Paramore is considered "retro" now? - but I also felt it went a little too heavy on the pop culture references for my taste. (Even as someone living through the social media age, SIX references to TikTok felt like overkill.)

Other than that, I greatly enjoyed Marisa Kanter's writing style. The dialogue (especially the banter!!) was delightful and natural. And boy, does she know how to set a scene! Even as someone who has never been the biggest NYC fan, I left this book feeling a little bit in love with the place.

Highly recommend to anyone looking for a YA romcom with some deeper themes.

Endless thanks to Netgalley and SimonTeen for the ARC in exchange for an honest review <3

#finally fitz #marisa karter #netgalley #netgalley review #book review #book reviews #book rec #book recommendation #bookblr #bookish #mine #booklr #reading on the train

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yara-burton · 2 years ago

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I had always felt like I had everything I could ever dream of, until I met Lewis.

Growing up, I felt like I was constantly traveling between London and Canada to see each of my parents. I spent half the year with one of them until I was old enough to realize it made more sense to be with my mum full-time, as I was always treated as more of an afterthought when I was around my dad. Once I turned 18, I knew moving to NYC to be with my cousin was going to be the best thing for me, having never really felt like I belonged in Canada or London.

Building a life for myself in NYC felt natural, especially once I met Romy and we had our flat together. Spending my days working either at my gallery or on a shoot was exactly what I had always dreamed about when I pictured having a career. It was perfect. I couldn’t imagine things feeling any better than they were, then I met Lewis.

Being with Lewis for the past couple of months changed everything, all in the most unexpected way. I knew he was special right from the start, when he asked to tour the gallery and wanted to know every detail about every piece of art that was on display. Talking to him practically nonstop every day after that and making plans to see each other as soon as we were free was how I spent my days after our date, and it felt so foreign to me. Never had I been with someone where I immediately felt so connected, so seen and understood like I did with Lewis.

I feel whole in a way I never realized I was lacking, simply because of him. His love and support, and the love I have for him feels so encompassing, like something you could only read about. Spending the past few days in London after my dad’s funeral and traveling to Manchester to meet the people Lewis loves the most has left me seeing everything in a new light, with fresh eyes. I’ve known from the beginning that being back in the UK is where he wanted to end up, and while I may have tried to use that as my reasoning to keep him at a distance at first, now I embrace it, knowing that we’re a packaged deal. Where he goes, I go.

#( yara journal 1 )

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walkingtilwefall · 9 months ago

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What do you like about Jacob Kemp David?

Sorry, just seeing this now!

I actually was not a fan of Newsies prior to seeing the tour. I was living in NYC when it opened on Broadway but was too busy to see anything on Broadway, and I had seen the movie on VHS when I was a kid (probably about 7 or 8 years after it came out) and wasn't, like, transfixed. When the tour was announced and happening, I was living with family in Boston. I grew up doing theater with Jacob (not professional, just stuff at camp) and I've always been the kind of person who will show up for people years after we stop seeing each other on a regular basis because I like to celebrate my friends' accomplishments. He was also one of the nicest people I knew, and I felt bad for having drifted apart (I had tried to get our core friend group together multiple times over the years but one girl was basically like "stop trying, nobody cares" and looking back, she was probably wrong but I didn't want to hear that from multiple people so I just kinda gave up) so it was really important to be there.

I saw the show in Boston on the last night of the tour, and his performance completely blew me away. I'm a very anxious person by nature and I think he played his Davey a lot more anxious than Ben did (and no shade to Ben, I ADORE Ben) which made Davey's accomplishments that much more rewarding to see because it read like he had much more at stake. I thought he worked very well with Dan, and I felt as if their connection was more based in their character work than Ben/Jeremy's who, I felt, worked well together because they knew each other before Newsies. I CARED about the characters (mostly Davey, of course, but all of them) after I saw the show and Jacob's performance. I think I still would have had fun if he had never been cast or if I had a time machine and got to see it on Broadway before finding out he was in the tour, but I don't think I would have become a full-fledged Fansie.

My absolute dream would be to see him and Ben in a production of Blood Brothers, never mind the fact that they're both wayyyy too old, lol

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nancydrewwouldnever · 2 years ago

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Hey Nancy! I don't know if you'd know this but since you've been in the fandom for nearly a decade, I thought maybe you'd have a fair idea.

I've seen many people saying that he is putting in a lot of effort in the relationship with Alba by actually travelling outside of MA to be with her and stuff like that (Portugal and Finland), and he's never done so much for previous girlfriends.

Is this true? Per my knowledge, none of his official previous girlfriends lived outside the country, so the question of travelling overseas to meet them/their folks never arose. He did take Jenny to Australia. I know he went there for work, but I'm sure they had time to sightsee and stuff like that.

So what exactly is it that he is doing this time around that's so different and commendable? The IG dumps? There's nothing natural or organic about those. Especially not when they have a People article ready to go minutes after the dumps.

Here's the thing though, we have to acknowledge that we don't really know what all happened in his previous relationships. He's not big with sharing on SM, and did not have IG then.

So, we simply don't know what all was happening. For instance: he and Jenny were traveling around more than we knew from that story that a woman only shared in 2020 during pandemic lockdown of having seen them together taking a tour of a cave in Missouri in 2017, during round two. We knew nothing about that. Jenny didn't post to her socials about it. Neither did he. Who knows where all else they were going. But, as to him going to stuff for her - does going to her niece's soccer game a few suburbs over in MA count? Or going to her comedy shows in LA, Boston and Washington DC?

I can say I know from sightings he traveled up to Vancouver a couple of times in 2013 to visit Minka while she was filming Almost Human up there. She also traveled to Cleveland that year to visit him on the Winter Solider set. They were also in NYC together a couple of times, and Philadelphia, during that 2012-2013 round.

#ask

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helgereumann · 1 year ago

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MALVILLE SUPERPHENIX: THE MOST DANGEROUS MACHINE IN THE WORLD, new CD by Strom|morts, on Ash International UK, preorder nov. 2023 Mixed by Randall Dunn at Circular Ruins Studio, Brooklyn NYC. Mastered by Greg Obis at Chicago Mastering Service, Chicago. Illustrations: Helge Reumann. Design: Philip Marshall, March 2023.

Superphénix is an industrial prototype for high-power sodium-cooled fast neutron reactors. It is located on the Creys-Malville site in France, close to the Swiss border. It is the largest fast neutron reactor in the world. It is also the world's largest reactor currently being dismantled. Commissioned in 1985 and definitively shut down in 1998, the plant operated for just 53 months. Numerous incidents, lengthy technical shutdowns, costs, protests and the dangerous nature of the facility led to the nuclear power station being decomissioned. What was presented at the time as the flagship of French nuclear power turned out to be the most dangerous machine in the world. Using modular synthesizers, field recordings and some guitar, strom|morts take you on an aural tour of the plant in full operation. Discover the nuclear site room by room. From the control room to the reactor, the 12 drone pieces that make up the tour will give you an intense experience.

#helgereumann #strommorts #ashinternational #drone #drawing #valais #superphenix #creysmalville #nuclearplant

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stcrdoms · 2 years ago

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𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏, 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 pinterest / spotify / long bio / stats

꒰⠀⠀⠀⠀alexandra savior. 25 . demi woman. she/they.⠀⠀⠀⠀꒱ hold your f*** horses ! elise “elise eden” taylor has just been spotted walking into revolution headquarters. they are best known for being the keyboardist in monarchs and have been signed with the label for four years. they share a lot of interesting things about life in the music industry on their social media, so make sure you don’t forget to follow them at @edensgarden. fans know them for being whimsical but i swear they’ve got an intelligent side as well. maybe that explains why they’re always associated with warm summer afternoons, large grassy fields in the open country, and a used deck of tarot cards. stan twitter even voted them most likely to start a solo career. we’ll see how they live up to that reputation.

QUICK FIRE!

full name: elise sophia brown taylor preferred names: elise eden, elise nicknames: fur elise, ellie, sophie, tay, eden age: twenty five d.o.b. : july 12th 1998 gender: demi-woman pronouns: she/they birthplace: bearwood, england education: bachelor's of music education at NYU occupation: keyboardist in monarchs & owner of spiritual shop and studio in a small space in NYC

BRIEF BIO

• elise was born in bearwood england to two loving parents john & marianne taylor. john being much older than marianne a former hippie and touring musician turned music teacher. marianne an artist and spiritualist. to constantly question and never settle. also a cultivated space that their love of music and the arts. elise was exposed to views and ideas that more often than not are not understood by the main populace. • constantly traveled mainly due to both their parents desire to find some new inspiration and to escape the static nature of life. elise's parents constantly viewed their lives as an adventure. a trait which was carried on to elise. • has lived in several places across americas and the uk from the time she was twelve. has lived in phoenix , utah, washington state, california, and currently new york. • went to nyu to study music education, wanted to teach others the joys of music. its there where she met the other members of monarchs. • is generally the forgotten member of the group by fans mainly due to their nature as a keyboardist. nobody really notices the person behind the keys with a mic.

THE CORNER STONE OF MONARCHS

compared to the others in monarchs elise has a gentler personality. they consider themselves to be the anchor of the band. the level head, the voice of reason when everything seems to go to shit. it seems elise is just seen as the girl on the side with the keyboards more than anything. though despite that she never complains and plays their part well. the keys depending on how they're implemented can either clash with the music or create something harmonious . elise would consider themselves to be one of those more sensitive players. she doesn't just bang keys and notes to see whatever works, instead she plays it by feeling. getting a feel for the song and trying to work with it rather than against it .although to the fans elise may seem as unimportant her keys are another part of what brings monarchs their unique sound. the way it brings out another color and life to the song to contrast against roxie's vocals. while most of the time they are seen on the far side of the stage with their keyboard elise has much more talent to offer. besides being the band's primary keyboardist elise can also play guitar, write lyrics, and even contribute backing vocals. in this way she's seen as the hidden gem of the band. and while she is more than content with her role in monarchs there is a part of them that often years for more. though there's this fear, not many people make it after splitting from their band. plus she's not as charismatic or charming as roxie. in their eyes it would never work. with all their drama and scandal the music makes it worth it. with their fourth album in the works elise wonders how much time until everything bursts again.

HEADCANONS + FAST FACTS

• elise is the mediator in monarchs, compared to the other band members she'd rather take life as it comes and not get involved in conflict • she's a cat person, owns two cats • after the band has some personal conflicts elise offers them all a healing session to clear any negative energies, it usually works. most of the time anyways • elise would say the organ was their first love, while not classically trained they did recieve lessons from their father • speaks with a distinctive birmingham accent from growing up in the area • with the money from monarchs she opened a small pyschic shop & studio where she sells crystals, tarot decks, etc. but also a place where she can conduct readings and do deity work. • is an apprentice under the goddess hectate, has an altar and offerings to use while contacting hectate. • is probably the more approachable of the six members of monarch, appears to be quite homely. genuine a good head on their shoulders and not much of an ego. • looks up to other great keyboardists in rock like christine mcvie, jon lord, ray manzaek, john paul jones, etc. • their favorite albums include Fleetwood Mac's Rumors, Led Zeppelin IV, Beatles Rubber Soul among others • grew up listening to a lot of classic rock and hard rock influenced by their father & mother. • practices wicca and paganism, is known for keeping a deck of tarot cards on hand and a crystal pendulum in hand.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

• mentor - perhaps an older more paternal figure who could offer elise some guidance as she navigates the music industry? someone who looks after them, advises them, and in general looks out for them. • assistant - elise would consider themselves to be fairly kind . they have no need for an assistant and is seen as being far too nice to order anyone around. this would be an awkward relationship. in which said person wants to do their job and help, but elise can't bring themselves to let someone. .to all the hard work alone. • collaborators / industry friends - i figure that elise might not always be playing keys for monarchs. sometimes they'd likely do session work for other artists in the label or help someone write lyrics and produce a track . • role model- someone who elise looks up to and admires? doesn't have to be a musician in the label, can also be an employee. but overall someone who inspires elise to be better. • other ideas? i'm open to any other ideas if you have them or if anything about elise inspires you!

#revolution.intro #long post tw

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