#NO JESPER KISSING KUWEI ACCIDENTALLY

[andreawritesit]

Another day, another FUCK YOU NETFLIX for cancelling Six of Crows.

[drieddpetals]

so i'm rereading crooked kingdom right and i realized just how awful of a fuck-up sequence jesper had 😭

consecutively these things happened

1. got into a fight verbally and physically with kaz

2. had a really unsuccessful heart-to-heart session with his dad

3. accidentally kissed kuwei instead of wylan

all of those things happened back to back. like my man was not catching a break omg.

[jazzythursday]

What are a few of your favorite ship moments?

(for the ask game) :)

Hello! Thanks for the ask <3

All wesper moments are my favorite ofc, but here are some of the first ones that come to mind:

- Jesper adjusting the strap of Wylan’s satchel. It’s just such a quiet and intimate thing it gets me every time.

- Wylan’s little rant after Jesper accidentally kisses Kuwei makes me laugh every time. Specifically (I’m paraphrasing) “He’s not even good at science! Half his notebooks are filled with doodles—most of which are of you—and those aren’t very good either!” 10000/10 no notes. He is so petty I love him.

- THE KISS. It was a prairie fire!! It was the spin of the makker’s wheel!! It was the kiss he’d been waiting for!!!

- (Again, I’m paraphrasing) but after Saint Hilde’s when Wylan is breaking down there’s this bit where Jesper tells him it’s okay and when Wylan says it isn’t Jesper says something like “You’re right, it’s not. It’s rotten.” That’s a really powerful moment to me. That Jesper doesn’t downplay the situation or invalidate Wylan’s emotions. It isn’t okay, it’s terrible, but they still have to keep going.

- When JVE charges towards Wylan in the church of barter and Jesper fucking STEPS IN FRONT OF HIM???? OH MY GOD!!! Like, I cannot stress enough that there are so few people (probably none, except maybe Marya) who have EVER shielded Wylan from his father, who have PHYSICALLY gotten in the way of that man and told him no, you don’t get to do that. It's such a clear show of support, even more than one of protection. And then of course there's "I can read to him", which is just the cherry on top isn't it? Jan is well and truly powerless now, because he doesn't have anything left to lord over Wylan's head. It’s over, his threats and insults and opinions don’t matter anymore. Jesper can read to him, and they'll be fine.

soc ask meme

[sarastellasari]

❄️Crows Secret Santa headcannons! ❄️

I don’t know if they even have Christmas in the grishaverse and also I forgot Matthias was dead, but enjoy!

❆ Nina is the one who organizes it, cause she thinks it would be fun for all of the crows to get together and do something

❆ Kaz thinks it’s dumb but inej gets him to go along with it cause Nina is super excited and she doesn’t want to disappoint her

❆ Also I feel like Kaz would try to get out of it but Nina would be like “NO, you need to do it, we have to have an even amount of people or else it won’t work! Do you want us to have to get kuwei to do it with us? He’ll try to give Jesper a kiss as his present!” Or smth like that (fun fact, secret Santa does work with an odd amount of people, me and my friends learnt the hard way :/)

❆ Kaz gets Matthias and tries to bribe Nina to switch with him (Nina has inej) Nina’s like bitch no, and Kaz buys Matthias like. An expensive sweater or something.

❆ Matthias has no idea what secret Santa is and Nina has to explain it to him and stop him from just giving his person (Jesper) money

❆ Nina eventually just gives up and buys the gift cause Matthias doesn’t rly know what Jesper likes, but he writes Jesper a 4 page long heartfelt card about how much he values their friendship

❆ Jesper forgets to get the gift until last minute but still buys his person (wylan) a rly thoughtful gift that they love

❆ But since he literally IS DATING his person, he almost accidentally exposes himself like 5000 times and by the time they do the exchange Wylans like, whoah :/ I didn’t know it was you at all :/

❆ Wylan is really stressed about it cause he has Kaz so he’s like, wtf do I get him? He literally doesn’t like anything! But he ends up making Kaz some homemade explosives or smth

❆ When they finally gather to do the exchange it’s going fine until Nina pulls out the matching pajamas and everyone is like ew, no

❆ They end up compromising and just wearing the pants

❆ When the actual exchange starts, it goes well

❆ Jesper cries when he reads Matthias’ letter, and then Matthias cries too, and everyone starts getting very emotional

❆ Wylan is super scared Kaz won’t like his gift but Kaz likes it

❆ Matthias likes his sweater a lot and Nina is like, see Kaz, I told you being his person was a good idea!

❆ Nina gives inej a super expensive knife named Nina and Kaz is like, I could’ve given her a better gift if I was her person >:( and then they start fighting

❆ And then somehow the explosives that wylan gave Kaz start going off and they all freak out and someone calls the stadwatch but because they’re all criminals, they end up having to hide from them since they think they intentionally commited arson

❆ And that’s the first and last secret Santa the crows ever have

[dcvina-claires]

jesper: this is bad. this is really bad

nina: dude, what is it?

jesper: i accidentally kissed kuwei thinking it was wylan

nina: whoa… i owe matthias so much money

[glassy-eyed-poet]

I feel like we as a SOC fandom do not talk enough about how Jesper just accidentally kissed Kuwei instead of Wylan 😂. Like my boy was given so many chances with Wylan and somehow STILL fucked up exponentially. In his defense, Jesper was going through it with Kaz and had some serious relationship drama with his dad, so can we really blame him? But I can just imagine Jesper gossiping about this to Nina (my fav besties <3) and Nina absolutely losing her mind 😭.

Thoughts?

[tenracoonsinacrisis]

WAITWAITWAIT WHAT IF JESPER GETS IN SUCH A PADDY OVER WYLAN'S IDENTITY FRAUD THAT THEY DON'T TALK MUCH TO EACHOTHER, AND JESPER ACCIDENTALLY KISSING KUWEI CAUSES HIM TO THINK THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE HIM ANYMORE AND LIKES KUWEI INSTEAD. THEN WHAT?

[calliope-king]

I absolutely love that they made Wylan and Jesper fuck before season 2 and that by its end they were already in a relationship. First of all, I thought it was so funny that Jesper fucking forgot ahhh. Also!! Just think about how much more dramatic the Van Eck reveal will be! And the Kuwei and Wylan face swap! And the accidental Kuwei kiss! It’s gonna be gold!

[salemontrial]

Wait okay so if Wylan and Jesper are already together in Shadow and Bone tv. And the spinoff is being teased. Then I assume the whole debacle with Kuwei is gonna happen. Which is going to make that accidental kiss a hell of a lot worse--

[bitchthefuck1]

ive been seeing a few people justify the character changes like the We/sp/er hookup saying "they're aged up, there adults here so they would be different!1!" as if the whole POINT of SoC wasn't that these were TEENAGERS who had been made to adapt and survive in circumstances they shouldn't have had to

Literally, and I feel like a lot of the "they're into each other but too shy to say it because they're teens, if they were older they'd obviously be hooking up immediately" arguments really reduce their dynamic to just. being attracted to each other. and act like it's a slow burn just for slow burns sake and completely ignore the fact that a lot of the reason it takes them a while to get together or admit feelings is because they have like actual shit to figure out with each other

Like, yeah, the accidental Kuwei kiss was funny, but it was also very much Jesper spiraling and looking for a distraction, and that's part of why Wylan is so offended by it. Jesper was into Wylan, sure, but he was kissing him primarily to distract from the confrontation he had with his dad, and that's why he didn't realize it was Kuwei. From Wylan's point of view, a guy he genuinely cared about was only kissing him to ignore his problems. Wylan specifically doesn't want to be a distraction or fling with Jesper, he keeps pushing him to actually address his issues, and it's kind of really important that they don't get together until Jesper has a real conversation with his dad and starts to face his problems instead of burying them or running away.

Acting like the only reason they're not hooking up is "shy teenagers" is just such a misread and reduction of what makes their relationship good and ignores so much of both of their characters.

[cherryblossomtimemachine]

Why do people keep saying that we won't get Jesper accidentally kissing Kuwei if we get a spinoff? Like, it could still happen wesper getting together earlier doesn't change that. It'll just be a lot more angsty if it does happen.

*edit*

I came back to this post after a month because I forgot to say that while the Kuwei kiss would be more angsty I don't want it to happen. I hated that part of the book and I know I'll hate it even more in the show.

[redshoes-blues]

Thinking about if we get a Crooked Kingdom adaptation and the chaos of the accidental Kuwei Jesper kiss that Wylan walks in on

[pandacorns-posts]

No so lemme get this straight (lol). Wesper had a one night stand before the events of S1 and Jesper forget about him?? NO THEIR FIRST KISS WAS JESPER ACCIDENTALLY KISSING KUWEI WHO HAD THE SAME FACE AS WYLAN. THAT’S how Jesper fucks up. And their meet cute wasn’t an off screen fucking one night stand.

[lonslibrary]

twin hearts (teach me something new) | alternatively: a harry potter/polyjuice potion retelling of the wrong first kiss in crooked kingdom

wylan turned to his potions partner with a grim, determined face.

kuwei, the raven haired boy and one of wylan’s friends in potions class, mirrored his expression from next to him.

“ready?”

wylan nodded, taking a big breath before sticking his fist out between them.

“rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

“yes!” wylan grinned as his scissors secured victory. he had hung out with kuwei enough to know his partner was cursing in shu.

the polyjuice potion assessment was notoriously one of the toughest of the year. in two days’ time, professor snape would ask the class to split into pairs and brew the potion so it would successfully turn one of them into another person in the school for a minimum of an hour. and while wylan loved potions and was determined for a good grade, he hadn’t exactly been looking forward to drinking the potion and walking around as professor hagrid, who had graciously given them a strand of his hair for their practice trial. he didn’t think he would have known what to do with a body that big.

wylan filled exactly one glass with their finished potion, pushing it in front of kuwei. after close to two hours, their elixir had ended up brewing a deep ravenclaw blue. while it didn’t smell anywhere close to as bad as the one from the group who had used the empty classroom before them, kuwei was still eyeing the glass nervously, looking a little closer to slytherin green.

“bottoms up, i guess.” kuwei said, gripping the glass before tipping his head back and swallowing twice, then once again. wylan watched anxiously as he smacked his lips.

“is it working?” he asked.

“i dunno...but it tasted like eggnog!” his partner’s smile faded as he groaned, grabbing his stomach. “it’s working. oh, no.”

“oh, yes.” wylan corrected as he turned to grab his pen from his bag. it was his first time seeing polyjuice potion in action and he intended to take as many notes as possible for their exam. when he turned back, however, he dropped his pen, stifling a shriek when he saw kuwei.

or—not kuwei. himself.

“all the saints and their mothers,” wylan paled.

“what?” kuwei asked frantically, feeling around his new face. “what happened? did something go wrong? i do feel a bit small for professor hagrid. actually, i feel smaller than myself.”

wylan just wordlessly pushed a looking glass over to his friend, still staring, aghast. was his nose always that crooked?

kuwei gasped when he caught sight of his reflection. “why am i you? what happened to professor hagrid’s hair?”

“i...don’t know.” wylan said honestly. he didn’t even know how they could possibly have mistaken his hair for professor hagrid’s.

“well,” kuwei shrugged. “at least we did it!”

wylan couldn’t help but smile at that before he was reminded of a very scary point from their lessons.

“...you don’t think we could have accidentally used both my hair and professor hagrid’s, do you?” wylan looked warily at his partner. “polyjuice potion can have very dangerous consequences when mixed with different people. maybe it would be a good idea to fetch professor snape and have him figure out what exactly went wrong.”

kuwei’s triumphant grin promptly dropped. “bloody hell. i think that would be a very good idea.”

the thought of a hybrid 8′6″ third year ravenclaw with a ginger beard and an affinity for flute had wylan sprinting out the door.

                                                          —

fifth year slytherin jesper fahey was having a very good day.

if you had told him a month ago he’d be happy about the tutor he’d been assigned because he close to flunking potions, he would’ve said you were insane. in fact, he’d been close to deciding that flunking the class would be just fine, especially when he found out his tutor was a third year. what had been a reluctant first meeting with a ruddy haired ravenclaw turned into thursday nights at the library that jesper grew to look forward to—all because of a wylan van eck.

wylan had been more nervous than him during their first lesson, looking away any time jesper looked at him too long and stumbling over his words. but as he explained the importance of salamander blood and the deflating draught, the boy’s voice had found a strength that came from a very obvious passion for the subject.

nerd, jesper had wanted to call him, but he found that for the first time he seemed to lose his words around his tutor with the perfect curls and nice handwriting. something about wylan van eck made jesper want to focus on potions. he wanted to love what wylan loved, and he was determined to impress him at their next lesson.

he had not impressed wylan at their second lesson. or their third lesson. in fact, a month in, wylan was still making him redo his homework while he studied for a different subject himself. jesper had been taken aback by the lack of attention.

“van eck,” jesper had called for the fiftieth time. it was infuriating, the way the ravenclaw’s eyes never left his parchment.

“don’t make me kiss you.” he had said as a last resort, and then the boy was flushing a delightful red. jesper had desperately wanted to peel back wylan’s collar to see if the color reached as far down as he imagined.

he hadn’t expected wylan to reply, eyes still trained on his desk and pen still moving: “you wish.”

jesper did indeed wish. he wished very much.

every thursday, jesper became a little bit better at potions and a little bit more in love with his tutor. it was a cliche he had thought he would only ever see in muggle rom-coms that nina loved so much, but kaz and inej did think his newfound appreciation for potions was pretty funny.

two months later they were reaching exam season and jesper had been nervous—not only about his exams, but also about what it would mean if he got his Os. as wylan studied beside him, jesper had been growing anxious. what if wylan wanted nothing to do with him one was his job was done?

“hey wylan,” jesper started. thinking back, he wasn’t even sure what he was going to ask.

wylan ignored him, eyes still trained on his book. jesper couldn’t help but smile as he ripped off a piece of parchment from his review guide, scrawling as quickly as he could before sliding it in front of his focused tutor.

van eck

wylan glared at him pointedly, just pushing the note back to jesper. jesper added a sentence before passing it back.

aren’t you supposed to be helping me or something???

this was a joke and they both knew it. wylan had just spent two hours helping jesper put a review guide together. their scheduled thursday sessions had gone from one hour to sometimes even three as they both lingered in the library to study.

wylan didn’t even look at the note, still reading his book as he slid it back to jesper. jesper scoffed amusedly.

don’t make me kiss you.

wylan coughed loudly, breaking the din in the library and turning red. it was gratifying to know that some things never changed. jesper grinned with satisfaction as wylan finally picked up his pen.

get your Os in potions. then we’ll see.

jesper was still processing what he had read as wylan packed up his books as fast as a snitch, disappearing before jesper could even say “amortentia”.

                                                         —

a week later, fifth year slytherin jesper fahey was having a very good day because he had just received his exam grades.

and there was a very big O on his potions exam.

jesper raced the hallways towards the potions wing, having heard from some third years that wylan was practicing for exams. nearly mowing down a group of first years, jesper burst into the classroom, feeling like he could do anything.

wylan spun around at his arrival, standing up as jesper made a beeline for him.

“are you coming from professor snape?”

“hell yeah i am.” jesper itched to touch him.

wylan peered crookedly at him. “i’m guessing we’re okay?”

jesper beamed. “better than okay.”

“thank the saints!” wylan yelped, throwing his arms around jesper. “oh, i was so worried it’d be bad.” to jesper’s dismay he stepped away after what seemed like seconds “saints, sorry, i didn’t mean to—”

jesper managed to shake his head, missing his warmth immediately. wylan smiled shyly, looking up at him from beneath his eyelashes. “guess all there’s left to do is wait then.”

hell, jesper felt like he couldn’t wait another second. with a desperation that surprised himself, he leaned down to press his lips to wylan’s, muffling his taken noise.

jesper wasn’t a genius. he had gotten a mixture of bad and okay grades in his other exams and the only reason he had an O in potions was a big motivating factor. however, it didn’t take a genius to figure out something was wrong, that wylan didn’t want this. jesper stepped back immediately.

the redhead was flushed—not in the way that turned him that pretty shade of pink, but in a very clear shade of confused. “i- not that you’re not a very good kisser, but i think there’s been a misunderstanding here.”

jesper felt like he was suddenly going to be sick. had he misread the signs? the weeks of flirting? that note?

wylan looked just as panicked. “uh, where’s wylan?”

where’s wylan????

“right here.” a familiar voice came from behind them.

jesper spun, feeling like he was hallucinating. there stood another wylan, the apparently real wylan at the door. jesper had never seen him look so expressionless—it was clear he had seen everything.

“what. is going on.” jesper made out.

the wylan at the door looked past him at the wylan that jesper had just swapped spit with.

“kuwei, professor snape says you’re going to be fine. i’m supposed to take you to the infirmary so he can monitor your condition just in case.”

jesper could only watch in disbelief as kuwei-wylan walked slowly towards the door, eyes darting between the two. “i think i can take myself, actually. you guys should...talk.”

and with that, there was only one wylan left in the room. the real wylan.

jesper had no idea what to say. he didn’t know what he had been expecting to happen today, but this was definitely far from it. he was realizing this was the first time he was even seeing wylan since that day in the library, the day before his exam. wylan was still standing by the door, eyes on the floor.

“er, i got an O on my exam?”

wylan cracked a small smile that released something in jesper’s chest. “congratulations. your hard work paid off.”

jesper laughed at that. it was thanks to wylan that he had passed. even when he had studied in the common rooms by himself, he had felt like wylan was with him. jesper was feeling like he had to apologize, though he wasn’t sure just what for.

“wylan-”

“polyjuice potion.” wylan said. “a homework accident. we were trying for professor hagrid and my hair got mixed in somehow, i guess.”

jesper couldn’t help but snort. “‘a homework accident.’ figures all your friends are nerds too.”

wylan looked at him, a gleam in his eye. “a nerd you just kissed?”

"i-” jesper swallowed, words gone. “i came here to thank you. to tell you that you’re the only reason i even have an O.”

wylan shook his head. “that’s not true.”

“but it is. i came to tell you how bloody patient and helpful and lovely you’ve been. i came to tell you i really like your handwriting and laugh, and really, you, van eck. and i came here to collect on that promise. i thought it was you at that desk.”

wylan’s eyes softened as he smiled. “i figured as much. i just can’t believe kuwei stole our first kiss.”

jesper raised an eyebrow, grinning. “our first kiss, huh?”

wylan went pink. “i mean, it’s just unf- i can’t believe that he-”

jesper closed the gap between them in long strides until he was standing in front of his pretty tutor who knew way too much about bezoars and basilisk venom.

“i don’t really believe in firsts if it feels like a first time every time.” jesper murmured, eyes already trained on wylan’s mouth. the right mouth. “how would you like a do-over?”

wylan took a step closer. “i would like that very much.”

and with that, jesper’s lips were on wylan’s. it was better than he had imagined while he was studying for exams and it was worth every hour he had spent. it felt like some kind of a chemical imbalance, the way jesper couldn’t breathe but didn’t need air. when wylan inevitably pulled away, he didn’t go far.

“you’re really good at that,” he said breathlessly.

jesper felt just as out of breath. “want lessons? i can teach this time.”

wylan laughed. “deal.”

“you know, i’ve actually had that dream where there’s two of you and one of-”

wylan pulled him down by his tie, effectively shutting him up with his mouth. wylan van eck was going to be the death of him, jesper thought.

he wouldn’t have it any other way.

it just makes sense to me that wylan’s polyjuice potion tastes like christmas. a repost for season 2 day!!

[nightskyye]

the good thing about Wesper was the slow burn. How could they do that ghgjghghgjg

omg yesss i really missed the pining and all the little moments in general and say what you will but jesper accidentally kissing kuwei and being disappointed was funny asf and then after he finally kisses wylan and realizes its so much better was *chefs kiss*. also just it was like prairie fire 😭😭.

not that im mad abt show wesper i ate that shit up, im a simple girl im happy with getting wesper in any form

[dollopheadsandclotpoles]

Look... I haven't seen s2 yet, but ya'll are telling me they already introduced Wylan into the group despite them saying that other demo experts are better, made him and Jesper have a one-night stand and have jesper not remember it instead of giving them that amazing slow burn, probs robbed us of the kuwei accidental kiss, revealed Jesper's secret already!?!?!?/, made Inej opposed to murder even while she's a dreg (??? it's literally a gang???) until she had to save Kaz, made Kaz do stupid ass things without thinking which is directly opposed to his main defining quality of being insanely intelligent and planning stuff way in advance, already revealed Kaz's backstory/trauma, already made the Kanej bathroom scene happen, killed Heleen randomly, didn't make jesper's crush on kaz canon, didn't make nina's bisexuality canon, already did the hellgate fighting pits with Matthais... and you guys are STILL defending the writing choices? what's left for the ice court heist spin-off series? i'm genuinely wondering? Ya'll just want to see a heist with zero character and relationship development? Cause like what's left fr???