#WE HAD THE PERFECT CAST DAMMNIT

[andreawritesit]

Another day, another FUCK YOU NETFLIX for cancelling Six of Crows.

[emiliachrstine]

late night talk

summary: After losing their father, the siblings enjoy a night filled with alcohol and tears.  characters: madison rogers, john rogers word count: 1785 Notes: It’s not perfect but I really wanted to get some angst out there because I love torturing my ocs. Also I know the summary sucks, please don’t come at me!

tag list: @chuck-hansens, @samwilsonns, @kea-jones, @luucypevensie, @chantelroyal, @dieorfight​

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Madison pushed her glass towards John, signaling for him to give her a refill. He did just that, filling the glass halfway and then poured him one more as well. The two drank silently, both casting solemn glances around their childhood home. It felt different being here now. It no longer had that warmth and security. No, it felt cold and empty. The mere action nearly brought Madison to tears. She swallowed down what was left of her drink and sucked in a breath. “It’s so quiet.” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. She glanced up at John, who was staring at her with glazed eyes. “I keep thinking Dad’s gonna walk through that door any minute.” She said, sparing a quick glance at the front door. 

John kept his eyes focused on her, not permitting himself to indulge in the same mindset as her. No, he couldn’t. It would drive him crazy. But as he sat there, John found himself agreeing with her. She was right. The house was too quiet for his liking. Usually, his parents would have a vinyl playing on their record player. John eyed the record player in the living room, wanting so badly to walk over and put one on. But he didn’t have the strength. All of his energy had been sucked out of him. Ever since they buried Steve, neither could bring themselves play music. All of the records in the house reminded them too much of their parents. It was too soon for that kind of nostalgia. 

John finally allowed his eyes to wander around the room. They immediately settled on a family photo, situated on one of the end tables. He pressed his hand to his mouth, choking back the knot that had formed in his throat. 

“You think they’re together?” 

Madison’s question made John center his focus. He gave himself a few more seconds to gather himself before looking over at her. Her eyes were red, brimming with tears and he saw her lips tremble. “What do you mean?” He cringed at hearing how hoarse his voice was--the way it faltered at the end. Dammnit, keep yourself together. 

“Mom and Dad,” she clarified. “Do you think they’re together now… in Heaven?” 

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, then gave a shrug. “Yeah, I mean that’s what everyone believes.” John felt his stomach twist in a knot, his answer was so cavalier. He didn’t mean for it to be. But the question threw him so far off. He wasn’t sure how to respond to it.

Madison reached for the bottle and poured out a decent amount into her glass. For a moment, she sat in silence, staring at the liquid and thinking about her question. “What if there’s no such thing?” There was no response from John, prompting her to continue. “What if there’s no Heaven… what if when we die there’s just nothing. No paradise. No afterlife, just emptiness.” 

“Why are you even thinking about that, Madison?” John interrupted, he felt his stomach twist at having to hear her talk about it. After just losing their dad, that was the absolute last thing he wanted to talk about. 

“Because it scares me.” She admitted, tears finally spilled onto her cheeks when she looked up at him. “We were always told that we would see our loved ones again, that we would be reunited with them. What if it’s all a lie? What if Heaven was something we created to help us deal with grief, to help make some sense of it. It’s comforting when you think about reuniting with them once you’ve passed. The idea of mom and dad being together again is comforting. But what if it’s all bullshit?” 

John leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, then washed his hands down his face. “Madison,” 

“I don’t want it to be bullshit,” she continued. “I want it to be real. I want to see mom and dad again, I want to see Uncle Tony and Aunt Nat, I just--” She was cut off by a sharp intake of breath. Her hands flew up to cover her face in a vain attempt to prevent John from seeing her cry. But he’s seen it all. “I miss them,” she barely managed to say those words before her body was wracked by a violent sob. “I miss them… I want them back.”

John immediately reached over and took hold of Madison’s hand. She turned her hand so that her hand was firmly resting in his. The two didn’t say anything. John remained quiet so that Madison could have her moment, his grip tightening every time he felt her shake from a sob. Tears burned at the back of his eyes, his chest ached at hearing his sister breakdown. He wanted to join her. He wanted to cry out and curl into a ball. Like he did when he was a child. 

He ran a hand down his face, feeling that his cheeks were wet. When had he started crying? 

Madison finally gathered herself and sucked in a few deep breaths. She had to pull herself together. She felt as if she had been crying non-stop and, frankly, she was exhausted. Madison scoffed at herself, thinking about how ridiculous she must look and sound. Her hand still clung onto John’s, afraid to let go--fearing that she would break down again if she did. “I’m so stupid.” She said, wiping away the stains on her cheeks.

“No,” John shook his head. “You’re not.” 

“No, I am.��� She responded and huffed out a wet laugh before continuing. “I was naive… I always thought that Dad was gonna be with us forever.” A painful smile crossed her lips when she finally allowed herself to look at her brother. “I thought it was gonna be the three of us for… a long time.” 

“It’s okay,” John’s thumb rubbed soothing circles on her hand. “Because I thought that same thing.” 

Madison hummed and raised her glass, the smile was still evident, “Look at us being absolute suckers.” She said before emptying the entire glass. 

“Our Dad was Captain America, he was larger than life--makes sense that we would think like that.” 

“He escaped death once by being frozen in the ice for seventy years, you’d think he could’ve avoided death at all costs.” 

John went to reach for the bottle, frowning when he saw that it was empty. He got up to retrieve a new bottle from the cabinet. He pulled the whiskey bottle out and unscrewed the lid, pausing momentarily when he noticed a photo of his parents on the refrigerator. He pulled the photo off and turned it over, the date October 2015 was scribbled on the back in his mother’s recognizable handwriting. When John sat back down at the table, he handed the photo over to Madison who took it after hesitating. 

“I found that on the fridge,” John said, pouring out another round for them both. He could only guess the photo was taken on some kind of trip they went on together. “I don’t remember ever seeing that photo up there.” 

“Dad must’ve put it up not too long ago,” Madison smiled as she examined the photo, then turned it over to read the date. “This was well before I was born.” 

Looking at photos of their parents before they were born, was always a strange experience for Madison. She always thought of them as Mom and Dad which was normal. But there was a time when they weren’t her parents. When they were just two people who, under very unlikely circumstances, found their way to each other and fell in love. It was a rather unconventional love story, one that Jacqueline lamented to her daughter when she was much older. She heard it all. All the good and all of the bad, including the chaos that went down when Jacqueline was pregnant with her. She knew about the way her parents hurt each other, how Steve wasn’t there when Madison was born due to poor choices on both her parent’s parts. The relationship wasn’t perfect, what relationship is? Despite the ups and downs, Madison was always sure of how much her parents loved each other. 

“You know when we lost Mom… Dad wasn’t the same anymore,” she placed the photo down, keeping her gaze focused on it. “He didn’t smile as much, didn’t listen to his records. The only time he was ever happy was if we were with him. But I saw it every time I was with him. He wasn’t the same after she died. It’s like he lost a part of himself. The only thing he wanted was to be with her again.” 

Losing their mother was already painful enough. But Madison and John would agree that it was worst having to witness their father grieve the loss. Steve became withdrawn, unwilling to hold up conversations. Sam and Bucky tried their best to pull him out of it. To get him focused on other things, even getting him to help plan a few of their missions. Steve would help with the planning but it did nothing to pull him from his grief. 

“He just needs time,” Bucky said to both Madison and John. “The only thing you can do for him is just… be there when he needs you.” 

It was a long and painful process for the three of them. While it did get better, they never fully got over what happened to Jacqueline. Then again, grief isn’t something that can be forgotten. 

John’s eyes lingered on the photo, his teeth bit down on his lip in an effort to keep himself in check. God, he really didn’t want to cry anymore. He’s done enough of that the last few days. But like his sister, he missed them. They didn’t deserve to have them taken away so soon. He wanted them back. “I hope you’re right,” John twirled his glass and looked up to see his sister giving him a confused look. “I hope you’re right and that there is a place we go to when we die… because I hate the idea of mom and dad not being together again.” 

Madison reached for her brother’s hand again, already feeling a sting in her waterline. “Guess we won’t know the truth until we bite the dust.” Madison raised her glass, prompting John to do the same. 

They gave a silent toast in honor of the people they lost. For Tony. For Natasha. For their parents. And to the hope that one day they’ll see them all again.