#My Healing Journey
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Being highly intuitive is one thing but knowing how to use it is another. If we are using intuition from a place a fear, we are likely using it to control, manipulate, and hurt which comes from a dark feminine energy. If we are using intuition from a place of love, we are likely using it to enhance love, beauty and healing around us, which comes come a light feminine energy. Knowing how our intuition is serving us and others is part of working with divine feminine energy.
@feminiel
#my thoughts#personal post#my healing journey#my spiritual journey#my learnings#divine feminine#my insights#intuition#love#beauty#dark feminine#energy#light feminine#dark feminine energy#spirituality#healing
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My father tried to make me alt right and instead I turned out to be a transsexual polyam autistic cripplepunk fag. He tried to quiet me when I started getting ill and now I have three mobility aids covered in stickers and 13+ specialists, and a partner who loves and embraces all that. He traumatized me but I love gently despite it. He tried to isolate me but I found community and started healing instead.
#my recovery#my healing journey#personal post#ok to rb#neurodivergent#transgender#transsexual#cripplepunk
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Twin flame journey: The first time we met up, it was only to smoke. Neither one of us was looking for a relationship. If I’m being honest, I was addicted to him within hours. I literally couldn’t let him go. I still laugh at this; I had my arms and legs wrapped around him and I wouldn’t let him get up to drink water.
I wanted him more than anything. When he didn’t feed my addiction, I felt crazy. I blamed him when I felt insecure, jealous, anxious and controlling.
The truth is that those feelings were caused by buried pain that the connection was digging up inside of me. I’m talking about deep childhood trauma around abandonment. It took me 5 years to realize that he was my twin flame and he was here to help me heal. It was the hardest and most magical connection I’ve ever experienced.
Get this, we met on Tumblr! November of 2018 I messaged him after seeing his picture, but that’s another story. 😉
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Today it's been exactly 1 year since I saved myself and moved out of the abusive house I grew up in. I am still in disbelief of how much has changed in such little time and that I survived.
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Reminder
✨I am present to myself.✨
I am present to myself, I will take care of me. Even a little step like making the bed is a way to show myself love. Each step, no matter how small, matters cause it helps me moving forward.
#my healing journey#personal post#healing#self love#self care#self healing#mental health#self compassion#awareness
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Surround yourself with those people who were there for you at the lowest point of your life where you hit the rock bottom and you didn't know what to do. They stood right beside you, they never left you alone to suffer, they made sure you were okay, they believed in you, they sacrificed their time for you, they collected every broken piece of you, one by one and put together to build you up and help you grow up and help you and guide you to find back your own happiness within you. Don't chase them away for the one who gave up on you.
-livinhpe-
#mental health#personal growth#feelings#love#quote#spilled ink#mentally bruised#mentally exhausted#my healing journey
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CMW2/Trumpetnista: Foil
Summary from FFN: FERAL-VERSE VERSION OF THE SERIES FINALE: After months of misery, Jeremiah FINALLY throws down the gauntlet and everyone is more than ready to end his reign of terror. Selina has been re-evaluating her life decisions and has decided to change, leading to the peace and joy she deserves;Rated for language, GOTHAM typical action/gore, and BatCat lovemaking;1st in my 2025 SSS Project
Words from the Hooded GOTHAMITE: Good Aftenoon and Happy New Year, everyone! It has been a very long time since I've done anything fandom related consistently and there are legitimate reasons why. The full story is under my personal tag but here's the synopsis: In late 2020-early 2021, I accepted the religion that I grew up with (Jehovah's Witnesses) was a Cult so I've been in the process of deprogramming and discovering myself. In mid-September 2022, I had a psychotic break that led to an 8-10 day hospitalization and more importantly, my Bipolar 1 diagnosis.
In August 2023, I lost my father due to congestive heart failure coupled with nursing home neglect and my mother is currently dealing with being a widow along with her own growing stack of medical/mental issues that she refuses to go to a nursing home for.
My fibromyalgia has changed in an awful way, which means I'll likely have to go in for more surgeries to deal with it, along with handling the ongoing healing of my dominant left wrist and hand from surgery to deal with Kienbock's Disease. I've recently been diagnosed with arthritis in my ribcage but thankfully, my change in diet and lifestyle is compatible with keeping it in check, as well as more surgeries.
With all of that being said, I want and need to do something that brings me joy and that I have full control over. Writing has always been a part of my life, one of my greatest joys, and I want to get back to it.
Thank you so much for your patience.
The show may be over but my love for it is far from over. GOTHAM has so many characters, so many ideas that deserve more exploration and my Emo kids turned Emo adults may have ended on a hopeful note but the trashy shipper part of me wants better for them.
I still plan on writing them getting turnt together and I’ve finally settled on an idea for the sequel to Positive but this idea won’t leave me alone. We’ll be returning to the Feral-verse here. It’s one of my favorite AUs.
I absolutely fucking despise Harley and Joker’s “relationship”. I always have and I always will but none of the versions were more offensive to me than Jeremiah and Ecco’s. It just...y’all know the meme: “DISGUSTENG”? Yeah. I was more than happy to see her die (Spoilers. Apologies.) but it also made me wonder what would’ve happened if someone actually called out the “relationship” for the toxic bullshit it was. Who better than Selina Kyle? Of course, BatCat will be serving as an imperfectly perfect foil to their nonsense (hence the title...I love making connections like that. It’s one of writing’s joys) and honestly, this fic is just an excuse to bash the life ruining circus freak and write BatCat action plot with porn with healthy communication for flavor.
Also, this fic is gonna go deep into Selina’s head. With everything that’s happened to her and the city, she’s come to some conclusions, conclusions that could (and will) change her life for the better, not just between her and Bruce but in general. I want my Grumpy Cat to have joy and as much peace as the world will allow. She deserves the whole world. She really does.
Disclaimer: “Honestly, it’s not mine!”
"Hi, Selina Kyle!"
"...hello...you okay in there?"
"Uh-huh. Everyone here has treated me real nice. I thought they'd be mean but nope."
"Good."
"Can you chat for a while? I'm sooo bored and there are hardly any girls around..."
"Sure, just as long as you keep in mind that if you try to pull a Move on me, you'll have more holes in you than swiss cheese before you can blink."
"Fair enough...so, are you gonna cook me before you eat me or am I gonna be sushi? I love sushi...man, I miss sushi so much. I'd cut someone's pinky toe off for some sashimi right now..."
"Why the hell would I eat you?"
"Because you're a Cutie Cannibal, Curls. The scared little bunnies told me and Daddy all about you before he made them go bye-bye. You ripped Wet Willie's throat out and made them bring it home to us. Lil' Bitch Baby Penguin, Crazy Widow Barbie, Raggedy Andrew, The Song of Ice and Fire Blasters, even Jimmy the Gent watching us over yonder with his loyal posse of fellow do-gooders...they're the Big Giant Heads of this city yet they're all scared shitless of little ol' you. You don't see it?"
"I see it every day but I don't care."
"You don't?"
"Nope."
"How come?"
"None of them matter to me. Okay, Gordon, Bullock, and Barbara do because they're Squad but the rest of them can fuck right off. We'd be better off if they died or left town and never came back."
"Weren't you and The Fire Blaster besties back in the way day?"
"Yeah...The Plant Witch, too but they went their ways and I went mine. It is what it is. Good times or not, when they pull a Move on me and mine again? I'll stomp them like roaches."
"Harsh."
"Yeah, but better them than me and mine."
"...I know a secret about you, Selina Kyle. Wanna hear it?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Bruce Wayne matters more to you than anybody else in the whole wide world. Oh, you put on a good show of being a cold hard bitch but anyone smart can see right through it. You lurve him. I mean, c'mon. You moved out of Haven to live in sin with him in his lovely little townhouse and big beautiful Manor. You made peace with his manservant and now you're like a daughter to him. You and Brucie run around every day with the coppers, still trying to save the sinking ship and all the sad little rats trapped inside of it. He tells you all his secrets and you tell him most of yours. You're giving him your milk and cookies whenever he wants 'em and you even took a naughty little bullet for him. Mr. J thought that when he shot you down that it'd change everything between him and Brucie for the best. His crazy sexy cool buddy Ra's said that it would before he went up in smoke with the Bridges. Mr. J thought that they'd be best friends and brothers forever because you would be out of the way but instead, capping you ruined just about everything and he's mad about it. Super-duper mad..."
"I can tell. Did he put those fingerprints on your arms? The shiner around your eye?"
"I like it rough, Puddin'. You should give it a try. Get some pretty marks of your own."
"Don't call me Puddin'. Your marks aren't pretty and they're not from liking it rough. They're from your boyfriend being an abusive mouth breathing shithead."
"Well, that's just mean!"
"Not as mean as he is to you. Anyone who thinks it's okay to treat their partner like a punching bag is disgusting and deserves to die in a fire. Period."
"...so me-an...you're not looking at the big picture...you don't know him like I do..."
"I wish I didn't know him at all but alas, poor goddamned Yorick. You do realize that he doesn't really love or care about you, right? If you dropped dead right in front of him, he would just go find someone else. He wouldn't even have a real funeral for you. You're nothing but another sucker that's willing to do his dirty work for him. You're 3 holes for him to bust a fat nut in and that's it. You ain't shit to him and you don't see it. I feel really bad for you."
"Ohhh, grumpy baby alley cat's all of a sudden an expert on true love? You think you can judge us? What do you think is gonna happen with Wet Blanket Brucie down the line? Do you really think you're gonna live happily ever after? You're gonna go around the world with him and be his bodyguard and let him do you in any boardroom he wants? You're gonna marry him? You're gonna be the Lady of Wayne Manor and start popping out his ugly little bouncing billionaire brats? You're gonna be the Queen Bee MILF and make mango mimosas to wash down the magic brownies for your book club on the weekends? Is that what you want from him? That's your dream life?"
"If he's down, fuck yeah. After all the shit we've been through, being together like that until we get dead is a great idea. It'd be fun as hell and our bouncing little billionaire brats would be absolutely fucking precious, thank you very much! I mean, they'll definitely get stuck with my hair and his nose but still..."
"Huh. Well, you just talked so bad about Mr. J but seriously? It's Bruce Wayne, as in Wayne. He could be with any broad he wants. He could drop you like a bad habit any minute now."
"He could but he won't. I'm it for him and it goes both ways."
"You sure about that, pussy-cat?"
"More than anything."
"...you really think you're so special to him? You think that you're his whole world?"
"I know I am because when it counts the most? He shows me. What's yours shown you?"
"The Truth."
"The Truth about what? Insanity?"
"No! Gotham. People. Life. I'm free!"
"Says the broad who's sitting in a cage and is gonna get deep fried at worst or locked in a padded closet at best. Ecco, that bastard hasn't shown you anything but how to completely ruin your life but he'll send someone to come get you eventually. It won't be for love, though. Unh-uh. He'll do it because it'll keep you under his thumb. He'll do it because he knows that if you ever woke up and saw that The Emperor's buck ass nude? He'd be done for. If you were smart, you'd get rid of his bitch ass and run The Dark Zone by yourself. It'd be easy. I mean, all you'd have to do is feed him a good meal, liquor him up, give him the best fuck of his life and then as soon as he falls asleep? Use a shiv to draw a big smile across his throat and let him drown. Then, you'd really be free and what's left of the gene pool would be saved, if you're not pregnant already. Wait, are you? Do you need a piss test? That's one of the few things we've got a ton of..."
"Not yet, sweetums but hopefully down the line..."
"Hopefully never. There have been enough Valeskas. The world and what's left of this place doesn't need another one running around. Did his brother really shoot you in the fucking head?"
"He sure did...and the naughty little bullet's still in there rattling around today. Watch!"
"...your guy isn't worth a pot to piss in but mine is. B isn't perfect but at the end of the day, I'm sticking with him because he's a good person with a good heart, even after all the shitty things and people that have happened to him. There is nothing good left inside of Jeremiah, if there was really any to begin with. I doubt it. He's a mad dog so do yourself and everybody else around here a favor? End it with him and kill him before he kills you. Seriously.”
//////////////////////////
"I knew a lot of folks like her back in the day. They were so hurt and lonely that they'd latch on to the first person that paid them any attention. 9 times out of 10? They would end up in the Shelters and eventually on The Hoe Stroll. A few of them even went missing...and it wasn't always men hurting girls. Sometimes, it would be a woman who'd take a boy in and I just...I had to try."
"I understand. Maybe Ecco will take your words to heart."
"Nah. She's too far gone. She's gonna stick with him to the bitter end and it sucks. It would've been awesome poetic justice if she was the one who did him in but I guess it'll have to be me."
"No."
"Jeremiah's a sick fuck, Bruce. You know that better than anyone around here. You saw how far he's willing to go to get what he wants so how the hell else are we supposed to deal with him?"
"He shouldn't just die. He needs to stand trial for everything he's done."
"All putting his guilty ass in a courtroom will do is give him a chance to blow it up."
"Selina..."
"Okay, fine. Let's say that the trial gets done without another mass murder or bombs going off...where is he supposed to go after it? Blackgate can't hold him. Arkham will just make him worse and give him more idiots to use as fodder when he breaks out. Even if the Feds take him far away from here, he'll bust out and do the same twisted shit or he'll be on Death Row getting 3 hots and a cot for 50 years before he rides the lightning down to hell. He's the reason why this city and everyone in it is fucked so he needs to die sooner rather than later."
"I agree but that doesn't mean that his executioner has to be you."
"Are you sure about that?"
"...it shouldn't have to be you."
"Well, somebody else better step the fuck up soon because I'm tired of him hurting people!"
"So am I."
It had dawned on Selina Kyle during her chat with Ecco that someone was funneling information to The Dark Zone, far more than what was coming out. On the surface, all was calm. Those who managed to get to The Green Zone told a different story. People were being tortured and killed just for the thrill of it. Supplies were strictly rationed out, tied to a system of credits. The credits were earned by causing mayhem or through hard labor.
Smaller gangs roamed the Zone's streets like packs of wild animals: fighting, partying, looting, and fucking nonstop. Jeremiah's stronghold held the biggest number of people. It was the center of the action. A select few were fanatically devoted to him like Ecco. Unfortunately, the place was mainly housing people caught in the middle, just like the ones who had escaped from Penguin's City Hall stronghold and Zone.
They were in a far worse situation and needed to be rescued. Valeska was counting on it happening. He would have all sorts of SAW traps ready to make things harder for everyone. He had been ignored for too long and Selina had thrown down a very public, very bloody gauntlet when she did what she did at Haven.
Jeremiah was looking for a grand Show Stopping Number. He wanted to be the Star of the Show and he would get his wish. People like Jim Gordon wouldn't let the shitty situation stand for much longer. They couldn't. After all, they were do-gooders and stalwart heroes. Their noble work was never done. Plus, nobody deserved to be trapped with a leisure suit wearing off brand Jim Jones with a fetish for domestic terrorism.
Not to mention that everybody, even those who initially benefited from The Bridges Falling, hated the dumb fuck for making it happen with help from Ra-men Noodle Soup.
Mercifully, that twisted bastard was very much dead and would stay that way. The Knife had done him in just before the bombs blew. Barbara had grabbed Bruce and used him to ram the enchanted blade straight into where the man's heart would have been if he had one. After slaughtering all the men, Ra's Al Gul's female followers had pledged their allegiance to her, giving her a devoted Amazon Army, but the damage was done.
Destroying the bridges ruined everything for everyone. Initially, it had been like Criminal Christmas but now, it was after New Year's and everyone was hungover and depressed.
Yes, the bad guys finally got their glorious victory but at what cost? Ruling Gotham didn't mean anything if supplies couldn't come into the city. Ruling Gotham didn't mean anything if the people they wanted to take advantage of inside of it died or rioted before they could. Fresh and packaged food, clean drinking water, safe places to sleep, medicine, ammo, clothes, booze, drugs...everything was running low. There was only so much that could be done before the situation got even worse.
They were running out of options and most dangerously, they were running out of hope.
Selina knew all too well what a lack of hope caused and she didn't want to see it happen again.
Salvation lay in Reunification with the mainland.
No matter what side of the law you were on, no matter what Zone or Turf you lived in, if one had an ounce of sanity left, they prayed to whoever and whatever they believed in for Reunification.
The government was doing everything to avoid making it happen, citing the ongoing danger.
Jeremiah Valeska was hands down the biggest problem keeping help away. If the impending rescue mission went well? If everyone in the city pooled resources and teamed up to take the circus freak's cult down for good afterwards? If they could show proof of Jeremiah's death or proof that he'd never be a major threat again like Sofia Falcone? It would eliminate lots of, if not all of the excuses and red tape. The few good people left in the government plus volunteers from all over the world could step up and come through. Then, they could all work together to rebuild and make the city better than ever.
They could heal and things could finally get back to as normal as Gotham would allow.
Despite getting out of their bed, Bruce hadn't joined her on the window seat and she knew why.
Ecco knew way too much about their relationship to be guessing. That meant that there was at least one spy inside the GCPD, Haven, and a bunch of snitches looking for street cred lurking about. Looking down, the night was dark and still. However, that didn't mean that they were alone. Yes, the 5 blocks around the townhouse were virtually deserted but there were lots of hiding places. Breaking into a house was child's play and spy cameras were better than ever. Valeska had been a brilliant scientist and engineer like Lucius Fox before he lost his marbles. If he really wanted to see and hear them living their lives?
"...let's give them something to talk about. They want to watch us? Fine. I don't give a shit about them and you shouldn't either because none of them matter. We do. We're good and he can't take that away from us. I won't let him."
Over the years, Selina had made the common mistake of equating femininity with weakness. She was a kid and later a woman on Gotham's mean streets. There was no room to be soft. There was no time to be weak and really, if she had a choice between swiping a carton of milk or a tube of lip gloss? It would be the carton of milk every time. She had to be practical. She had to be strong at all times...but that way of thinking was wrong. Selina was strong and badass no matter what she wore or stole. Nothing was stopping her from being soft yet strong except for her own bullshit. Having come to that realization, she had started making slow but permanent changes.
Soft fabrics and textures, brighter colors, makeup and nail polish...Selina had always appreciated pretty things. If she wasn't stealing basic things for survival, she would take jewelry, particularly diamonds. Nowadays, she indulged that side of her through her loungewear. She still wore Bruce's clothes but mainly, she donned nightgowns and robes when at rest. The robes were soft and warm, some even having deep enough pockets to hold multiple weapons. Her nightgowns ranged from hip to floor length. They had lace detail, pearl buttons, and satin bows to be tied or untied. Some of the gowns were thick, preserving her modesty and others were silky sheer, leaving very little to the imagination.
Selina had also started putting her hair up again. As wild as her curls had become, it was the only option other than a buzz cut. She was sure that she would look great with short hair but she wasn't brave enough to reach for the clippers yet. Her hair being up most of the time meant that she had a growing collection of pins, brooches, clips, and barrettes. Her favorites were a gift from Bruce. The large pins were platinum with raised cat's paw black diamond detail. Where and how he had gotten ahold of them was anyone's guess but she adored them. They were strong enough to keep her mane under wraps without pain. They doubled as lock picks and in a pinch, they could be weapons. They probably wouldn't slit a throat but when she went for the eyes?
Before Bruce could get settled, Selina was already invading and annexing his personal space.
He laughed at her audacity and laid back, happily letting her use him as a mattress.
Bruce was warm and smelled like safety. He had run out of his toiletries and while she did miss the spiced pine, he still smelled like home. His lips pressed against her temple and Selina hid her face in his chest. The full moon was bright in the smoggy skies and they were as safe as Gotham allowed them to be at the moment.
When times of peace came, it was best to grab onto them with both hands. How and why Bruce saw her as a part of his peace confused her to no end but Selina felt the same way about him.
That feeling of peace also added to her protectiveness over him.
People were always trying to take him away. They were jealous of his high social status, angry at him for interfering with whatever questionable and illegal stuff they did, or just plain nuts.
They wanted him dead and gone. They wanted him maimed and they desperately wanted to bring him down to their level to break him beyond repair. Bruce hadn't given in to any of them. He had made mistakes but he was still good to the bone. He genuinely wanted to be a good person and he wouldn't give up his light without a fight to the end. If Selina had a say in the matter, she would be fighting right by his side.
Bruce being Bruce would try to stop her but she would shut that shit down with prejudice. She did what she wanted whenever she wanted. Nobody could tell her what to do. No matter what happened, at the end of the day, they were in it together. She and Bruce were their best selves together. They could take on the biggest threats and win, even when one or both of them got hurt. Even at her angriest at him and vice versa, when it counted the most, they were a team.
No, they were a family.
"...everything you said to Ecco about our possible future earlier...did you mean it?"
"Yeah."
"How long have you felt that way?"
"A while. I just...I figure that if I'm gonna be happy down the road, like legit happy? Then, you're in the mix and if I wasn't serious about us sticking together, then I wouldn't be here with you right now. Does that make sense?"
"It does."
It was hard for her to trust. It was even harder for her to talk about her feelings but Selina wanted things to be crystal clear. Most of the problems between her and Bruce started with a misunderstanding. Not only that but Selina had seen what happened with other couples when they weren't honest with each other about themselves. It led to drama and all sorts of heartbreak that she didn't want either of them to feel again.
Outside of her relationship with Bruce, Selina didn't want to wake up 10, 20 years from now and have nothing to really show for her life but regret. She needed to change her ways and mean it.
Many would call her wrong to change. They would say that she was being stupid and weak.
She wasn't. She had thought long and hard about it.
Being trapped in that damned hospital bed gave her plenty of time to mull over her options.
At the time, the only endgame she saw and wanted for her future was death. She was a cripple, a burden, and she wanted out. It was no less than what she deserved, she figured. She had been playing Russian Roulette with her life for years and the bullet had finally been in the chamber.
Selina had given up and had expected everyone else to do the same. That hadn't happened and against all odds, she got another chance. She had been knocked down but not out.
Bruce had gone into the belly of Ivy Pepper III's poisonous plant covered beast to get help for her. He had stood up to a very angry, witch hunting mob and to Ivy herself more than once. He had risked life, limb, and what precious little sanity he had left just for her. The Root had fixed her spine and Selina was back on her feet almost immediately. She could stand, walk, run, and jump again. She was stronger than before, faster than before, smarter than before and she could do anything without feeling awful burning, numbing pain. Her dreamy words to Bruce before they embraced each other were absolute truth: she was better, better than ever before.
With her new abilities, Selina could become the undisputed Queen of Gotham's Underground. Either that or she could be a top tier Thief for Hire, taking on Jobs and pocketing big bucks.
Choosing either of those paths would set her up for failure.
They would make for a hollow and sad life, filled with nothing but danger and stress.
She would spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder for the cops or the Feds. She wouldn't have any true friends or family anymore. She would end up murdered in a street war. She would get hurt worse than when Five shoved her through the window and when Jeremiah shot her combined. The best outcome for her if she kept going as she was would be Exile, never able to set foot in Gotham again out of fear of rotting in a prison cell or bullet to the head.
She didn't want that.
Selina had witnessed the Rise and Fall of many of Gotham's rulers, people who seemed to be indestructible. Those people ended up locked in a cage, on the run, and dying violently. Not only did they end up betrayed and dead, their downfall always came about because of someone they trusted. Either someone they trusted or someone they underestimated. Mainly, their end came from someone that they had fucked over and didn't kill or make amends with afterwards.
Selina wasn't sure what she was going to do with her life next. She had been a Thief for almost as long as she could remember but enough was enough. It truly was.
She had messed up a lot. She had been selfish, bitchy, and lost good friends. She had backed the wrong players in Turf wars, leading to people dying and getting hurt who didn't deserve it. She had hurt people who cared about her and honestly, there was only so much dumb/good luck left in the world for her. She had gotten more than her fair share of it.
It was time to straighten up and fly right before it was too late.
Selina only had 7 of her 9 lives left and she would be damned if she wasted them.
/
8 Days Later...
"I thought you'd be Jim."
"Yeah, me too but he's got his hands full with Lee right now."
"That better be fucking literally. The woman risked it all to get herself and those kids away from those tunneling psychos because she believes in him: not the GCPD, not the government, but him. Even after all the bad things that happened between them, she did that shit so he needs to take his head out of his ass and be with her forever. He's never gonna do any better and as awesome as Lee is, she won't either. They're it for each other. They tried to pretend that they weren't and made things bad for themselves and everybody around them. They can't get a do-over but they can move forward and they should. They'll have to work their asses off for it but it's doable. They're good together so they need to stop being dumb and start being happy before it's too late."
"...you ever consider writing an advice column? You'd make a killing."
"Anything's possible. Wanna come up?"
"Nah. I've had my fill of roof ledges and of being hypnotized. I should've shot that twisted little rhyming freak in the face when I had the chance."
"You'll get another one real soon. Tetch always follows the craziest ones and ain't nobody in town crazier than Valeska, not even Barbara, which is what you're here to talk to me about."
"Yeah."
"...when he tries to kill B and Lurch again, I'm gonna do what I gotta do to protect them but we're going to The Dark Zone to save people and to take as much loot that we can carry with us. I can keep my cool."
"Are you sure?"
"Mm-hm. I'm not gonna let him win, Harvey. It's part of my whole "know better, do better" Master Plan...plus, I don't wanna end up like Tabby. She let revenge get in the way, dropped her guard, and now she's Gone. I mean, she, her brother, and Butch did some fucked up shit to Penguin and his mom that definitely needed to be paid for with blood but she still didn't deserve to die like that. She should've had a fair fight. Yeah, he would've got her in the end but he'd be dead too so it would've balanced out, y'know?"
"Yeah...speaking of keeping things balanced, could you get down from there?"
"But why, though? Am I making you uncomfortable?"
Giggling, Selina did two flips in quick succession before rising up on her steel clawed fingertips.
"Knock it off! See, this is why I hopefully don't have kids..."
The Twelfth Precinct was a buzzing hub of activity. At midnight, a trio of emaciated children had shown up in the lobby with haunted eyes. None of them had said a word but a note had been pinned to one of their dingy red and white striped shirts. Letters from various magazines had been glued to the yellow legal pad paper, spelling out the words COME SEE ME. I'M BORED. Underneath was a picture of a deranged clown's grin in purple Sharpie, surrounded by laughter written in blood. Whose blood the HAs had been printed in was a mystery but the message was clear: Valeska was more than ready for his closeup.
At least the bastard had the decency to throw down his gauntlet before winter arrived. It was going to be hard enough getting everyone in and out of The Dark Zone alive. The last thing they needed was someone to slip on some ice or for a blizzard to be going on, too. Maybe if things went well, the government would take their heads out of their asses before Christmas.
After downing the last of her water, Selina went towards the file room. There was a loose vent cover and she could fit into the surprisingly clean air ducts with ease. The Twelfth's basement had a boxing gym inside of it and Bruce was down there preparing for the raid. She wanted to make sure that he was okay but also didn't want to break his focus.
He needed to be at 110%.
Jeremiah wouldn't go down without a fight nor would he go down without a one on one confrontation with Bruce. It just wasn't in his nature. It wasn't in not so dearly departed his evil twin Jerome's either. Everything they did had to be dramatic. Everything had to be big, loud and the more bloodshed, the better.
God, Selina was looking forward to him being gone for good.
The world would be better off without him and his followers running around. Jeremiah being gone meant that there would be one less demented asshole trying to hurt or kill Bruce. That was always good in her book...
Getting to her destination, Selina stretched before replacing the vent cover. The basement locker room was co-op but only slightly bigger than the ones upstairs. It was used for storage mainly but people could still get a quick, lukewarm shower or a nap if they needed to. Years of practice kept her light on her feet and she sat down on the bench in front of the first row of gray lockers. The room was dark but the gym's overhead lights shone through the exit's frosted glass window, highlighting all the shadows.
"...you're worried."
"I'm not just worried. I'm terrified. I don't want her within a mile of him but Selina is one of the best fighters we have, if not the best. Plus, if I tried to tell her to stay here, she would not only come with us anyway but she would literally whip my ass for bossing her around outside of our bedroom. No, thank you."
"Smart man. Selina's not going to risk her life without a good reason. She never does."
"I know and she's right. Jeremiah needs to be stopped for good. His death is the only way that we can be sure that he and his followers don't hurt anyone else, at least for a little while."
"But?"
"...I don't want her to be like I was after killing Ra's. She's already been through so much and I don't...I know that she's killed before. I know that but it's different this time, Alfred. Everything is different now and I can't lose her. Not her, too."
"You won't lose her."
"How do you know?"
"Faith."
Faith was another concept that Selina had trouble coming to terms with. The nuns at the orphanage had spoken about it all the time, as had the priests during the sermons she had attended. Street kids called it Sermons for Supper because after every service, there would be a hot meal and supplies from a food bank offered to them.
Faith was held up as the key to ultimate happiness and salvation, which she believed to a point but at the end of the day? The only faith Selina had was faith in herself.
Putting faith in others was a risk that usually wasn't worth it. It was just another way to get fucked over and heartbroken. Maria had taught her that lesson. Her interactions with Gotham's Rulers and her Squad had been a harsh teacher, too. Don't put faith in anyone for more than a few minutes at a time. Any longer and things would go wrong.
That was Rule Number 2.
Rule Number 1 was to Look Out for #1.
But Alfred had faith in her now. Gordon and the other cops did, too and Bruce? Bruce thought the fucking world of her. He really did and Selina just didn't get it. What did he see that she didn't? What did the others see that she didn't? She really should ask them one day but honestly, Selina was afraid of what they'd say. Another Rule of survival was to make sure that no one had any expectations of her outside of the bare minimum. She had broken it before.
Hell, she was shattering it now.
She had chosen a side and was open about said loyalty. Before, Selina kept her options open and made sure that everyone knew she was going to save her skin first, no matter what happened. Now, she had cut off all ways to make a clean break from everyone around her and more importantly, she didn't want to. Selina wouldn't be any better off if she left Gotham behind nor would anyone else. She would miss her family so fucking much and they would miss her too because she mattered to them.
Selina mattered to people as herself now.
Not as an elite Thief, not as a glorified Errand Girl, just herself.
Would she ever get used to that?
Deciding to save the rest of her existential crisis for later, Selina joined them in the gym. Bruce was sitting on the staircase, head bowed. He looked as if the world was resting on his shoulders. Alfred had his pistol up but as soon as he saw that it was her, he lowered it immediately.
The relief in the man's body language said it all and Selina nodded, removing her jacket.
"I got him."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Jim was looking for you. He says he wants you to team up with the Sniper Squad."
The ball was in her court now. Bruce was expecting her to make the first move and Selina wasn't about to disappoint him. However, she was going to do it differently. That was another part of her new lifestyle: being unpredictable in good ways. Also, Bruce was in a very dark place at the moment so her usual methods would shut him down. She didn't want that. Neither of them needed that. Soon, they would be facing the monster in the closet head on. If they weren't at their best, Jeremiah would run roughshod over both of them and Selina would be damned if she let that happen.
The asshole had won his battles but he wasn't going to win the war.
In a smooth motion, Selina had her bull whip unfurled. The tip of it hit the boxing ring's bell dead on, clanging it. She did it twice more before taking 5 steps backward, aiming again. Her next target was a large string of half lit Christmas lights. They fell from their place in the corner after 2 strikes. For the next few minutes, she picked random objects in the room to hit, continuing to add distance and speed to her movements. Accuracy and agility won fights or at least bought her enough time to run away from whoever wanted a piece of her most of the time.
Once Selina was warmed up, she began running through her repertoire of combat moves. Many of them had been taught to her by Tabitha but Selina had come up with a few attacks on her own. She had been meaning to teach them to her but so much happened before she could.
She started hanging around Bruce after his Spiral ended, cutting into her time on the Streets and at Siren's. Tabitha had gotten caught up in what would end up being the last round of her war with Penguin while trying to get help for Butch Gilzean's Frankenstein infection. Sofia Falcone went off the rails and started her own war with Penguin before Lee's headshot made the snooty bitch into steamed broccoli. Raise da Roof got resurrected and went on a magical rampage.
Shortly afterwards, Valeska had set up his Little Warehouse of Horrors, making her have to save Alfred and Bruce from Scarecrow's upgraded terror gas. Valeska shot her in the spine and paralyzed her. The Bridges Fell and then the shootout after the helicopter crash happened...god, if Barbara hadn't already laid claim to the little shit stain's life, Selina would take it herself!
Penguin had raised so much hell leading up to The Bridges Falling and the way he killed Tabitha was just plain wrong. Her sister deserved a far better death than the one she got. Then, his Marie Antoinette behavior towards the people living in his Zone, the trouble he had caused until the attack at Haven...
"I'm sorry, Selina."
The defeat in Bruce's voice melted and shattered her heart in her chest. Selina joined him on the staircase and rested her head on his right bicep.
"Why are you sorry?"
"...I don't know. I'm just am."
"You told Alfred how you really feel about what's going on and that's good. You need to do that more often. Holding that kind of heavy stuff in isn't good for your brain, especially nowadays."
"I know. I've been working on it. Cat, I..."
"Stop. I get it. I'm scared shitless, too."
"You are?"
"Duh. Bruce, saying that I can keep my cool is one thing but actually doing it while rescuing a bunch of traumatized people from the sickest fuck that's ever slithered out of the swamp is a whole other ballgame. Jeremiah is sick, twisted, and all the way wrong, even by Gotham's standards. He's a monster that hurts people because he thinks it's the right thing to do, which is way worse than him just doing it for funsies. You don't want me within a mile of him? Well, I sure as shit don't want him or any of his minions to be on the same planet as you. None of them deserve to breathe the same air as you and I fucking hate it when you're in pain."
He snorted rudely at her last declaration and Selina chuckled before clarifying.
"I fucking hate it when you're in pain that I didn't cause or when you're in pain that could put you in a padded room or body bag. Jeremiah hits all of those marks and then some."
Bruce nodded in agreement before closing his eyes again. He looked exhausted and like he was fighting through one hell of a headache. Wanting to help, Selina slowly made her way onto his lap, purring softly. Once she was straddling him, she removed her gloves before letting her nails rake over his scalp. Bruce rested his head on her shoulder to give her better access and she settled in. His hands easily spanned her waist and his fingers locked, holding her fast.
The Root fixed her spine and changed everything else about her. Selina was still human overall but as time passed, more feline behavior and thinking came into the mix. The changes were most obvious when she was angry and especially when it came to showing Bruce affection. She would purr at him, sit on his lap, ambush him, rub against him, and groom him when he would let her.
He always let her.
It made them both feel better.
Life was better when they were together.
It still sucked but having each other made things much easier.
Bruce's hair was getting long. It wasn't hair metal long but it was longer than she had ever seen it. Honestly, she didn't mind. The length gave her more to hold onto when they were really going at it and it was silky soft. It was silky soft, fun to play with, and annoyingly manageable. All he had to do was wet it and take a comb to it before he would be good to go. Meanwhile, really tackling her hair took hours of strength, courage, and at least three tumblers of bourbon.
"Ooh, I'm starting to see some silver fox action...are you getting old on me, Master Bruce?"
Her imitation of Alfred was completely spot on and never failed to make him giggle.
"Any gray hairs that I have now and in the future are entirely because of you."
"Me?"
"Yes, you!"
"What the hell did I do?"
"What the hell haven't you done?"
"I can think of a couple of things...speaking of us getting old and gray, I'm actually 20, not 19."
"Are you serious?"
"Yep. I got bored while Vanessa's crew did a supply swap so I went down to Gotham General's file room and found the O.G. print of my birth certificate. The rest of my birthday's the same but I'm 20. It didn't say who my father is but given Maria's fabulous taste in men, he's either a filthy rich dipshit that she trick-rolled after a Gala or a wannabe hustler she decided to share body heat with to get by. Either way, I don't wanna know. Not anymore. As far I'm concerned, I'm the twisted rage filled root of the Kyle family tree and that's A-OK with me. Hey, that rhymed!"
"It did and it was wonderful...are you sure?"
"Mm-hm."
"All right. But if you ever change your mind..."
"I'll let you know and we'll go looking for him...do you feel better now?"
"Yes. Thank you, Cat."
"You're welcome. Do you want me to get off of you?"
"Not yet."
"Okay, then...wanna make out?"
/
"What else did you find?"
"Another first aid kit, 8 mason jars, a half empty bottle of scotch, and some big ass bundles of yarn, like really good yarn. I think it might be cashmere."
"Let me see...it is."
"Groovy. We can use it to make socks and patch blankets or the docs can use it for surgeries. Whatever comes first. Do you know this place? It seems like you would know this place..."
"No, but after things get back to normal, I'll be sure to find out who it belongs to."
Even though word had likely spread about the impending Raid, everyone involved in it kept things as lowkey as possible. There was a sense of urgency in The Green Zone and amongst its allies but there had been no showing off. They would leave all of that to Valeska.
Everything went into battening down the hatches. Everyone had a job to do, even some of the kids (not by force, never ever by force!) and they would face whatever was to come head on. Gotham was no stranger to crises. Over the years, it had been the center of absolute mayhem. From gas attacks to magical curses to torture disguised as Frankenstein "science", and so many fires, so many explosions. The Bridges Falling was just the latest example of it. The city had been rocked to its foundations and while it was battered, it was still standing. It was ready for more rounds in the ring and whatever happened? Happened. The city would survive and recover or go down swinging. At this point, there were no other options.
As grim as that fact was, it was also comforting.
One way or another, it was finally going to be over...
Selina joined him at the window, standing tall next to him as always.
"We've got it. Tomorrow Night? We'll get it done and we'll get help from across the river."
"You don't know that."
"If you go into a fight or Job thinking that you're gonna get your ass kicked, then you will. As far as I'm concerned, Jeremiah is as dead as Raisin Bran Crunch. They'll burn in Hell together forever and the government will be out of excuses for staying away from here. They'll help out or we'll go to the Media with both barrels to make them. You know how Foxy and his Crew figured out a way to get radio messages out to folks overseas?"
"Yes."
"Well, somebody found a video camera to go with it and people are already telling their Stories. Once they get to the general public, I give it less than 2 days before the government shows up fashionably late with fake apologies and a blank check for everyone's troubles. Nobody wants to be known for breaking those nifty little Geneva rules, after all. At least not in a way that they can be pinched."
"Since when have you been such an optimist?"
"I'm not. I'm just stating facts."
"...I hope you're right."
"I'm always right."
"Debatable."
"Even when I'm wrong, there's enough right to be had in what I say and do so things work out."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"You understood me, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"Then it makes sense. Now, are you gonna keep brooding or are you gonna come to bed?"
"...both."
Bruce had a playful side. It was usually hidden but when it came out? God, it was fucking awesome. It was also a way of letting Selina know that life's hard knocks hadn't gotten him all the way down. She laughed as he tackled her to the mattress, holding him to her. Her hands went to his shoulders as he turned them to the side, keeping his back to the locked door.
She didn't have to ask why.
Bruce felt guilty for being unable to protect her in the Study. He shouldn't but he did. Valeska's actions were his own and he had been so determined that even if he had been able to cover her, all it would've done was get them both shot. They didn't need that. Neither of them deserved that.
God, they had been through so much that they didn't deserve.
It was a miracle that they were alive and mostly sane.
Intercepting his hand before it could bury in her curls, Selina pressed a kiss to the back of it before resting it right where her heart was pounding. Bruce's gaze was painfully soft, open and full of love, desire, worry, always the worry...
"Everything is gonna work out the way it should. You'll see."
She would not accept another outcome.
/
"He'll slow you down."
"He already has but y'know what? I would rather be slow as fuck with him than fast as fuck without him. I'll get where I need to go regardless."
"You feel that way right now but wait until he..."
"Stop."
"Selina..."
"Look, if I haven't been able to talk myself out of being with him by now, then you're sure as shit not gonna do it so just let it go. Please."
"...fine. You want another?"
"Yeah, but I can't. Not until after."
"It's a suicide mission. All of them are heading into a death trap."
"You're not wrong."
"But you're still gonna go with them? You want to get even with the ginger that badly?"
"That and people in The Dark Zone need help, Barbara. They've already been ditched by the Feds. They don't deserve to be ditched by the few decent people left around here. They really don't and if I don't go on the Raid, B will definitely do something overly noble and fucking stupid before they can stop him and then we'll have to deal with Strange's bitch ass to put his pieces back together again. That little Frankenstein bastard makes my skin crawl and he'd definitely try to force me in all of my plant based catgirl freak of nature glory to be his next test subject as payment. Fuck that shit."
"Since when have you been such a bleeding heart?"
"Since always. I'm just more open about it now because I'm too tired to keep pretending. Don't get me wrong: I'm still a cunt. I will be until the day I die and I kick Tabby's ass down in Hell because she's on my throne..."
"Not if I do it first!"
"...I would pay top dollar to see that...the point is that I care. I care and I wanna use whatever time I've got left on this piece of shit rock that we call Earth to do more good things than bad. I should be dead or trapped in a wheelchair right now but I'm not so I gotta square things with whoever's in charge up there for giving me a second chance. Well, third, if you've been keeping score at home. I'm not saying that I'm gonna turn into the next Mother Theresa but..."
"I get it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Just...I don't wanna bury you, too, Kitty-Cat. Do your best to not let that bleeding heart of yours put you down before your time but if it does? Take them all with you. Burn it down, burn it down..."
"...all the way to the got-damned ground!"
"That's my girl...so, is this the part where we hug?"
"It could be. It's up to you."
"Then it is. Bring it in."
"I'll see you soon."
"...y-you promise?"
"I promise."
///////////////////
"Y'know...it's a just damned shame. You're a damned shame. You had a chance to be different. You spent so much time in your secret hideout maze, doing kickass science things and you threw it all away. You could've been like Lucius and used your mind to help people live better but you didn't. You could've asked for help after you got hit with a Nutfluenza money shot or come up with a Cure but you didn't. You decided to act just like your piece of shit Evil Twin and make the whole city suffer. Actually, I liked Jerome better. Sure, he was a psycho with way too much time on his hands but at least he wasn't a fucking pedophile."
"You have no idea what you're talking about!"
"Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I meant an ephebophile. B falls right in that age group for freaks like you. Where's Chris Hansen when you need him? Why don't you have a seat over there?"
"You can't sit there and judge me. You're nothing but disgusting street trash and..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah...I've heard it all before and from people better than you. Get better material, Pennywise."
"You ruined everything!"
"Oh, did I? I can't imagine how. You want some aspirin? I mean, getting caught in and half buried in rubble after a big ass explosion has got to hurt more than your pride..."
"I don't want or need anything from you."
"Obviously, you do or you would have tried and failed to kill me again by now."
Another tunnel operation had been found but instead of trying to get across the river, the route had led to Wayne Manor. Jeremiah and Ecco were long gone but the tunnels were ready for use. While everyone else had been debating (arguing...) about what to do next, Selina had gone forward, unwilling to wait for them. The bloodlust from had been soothed by dealing with the minions who tried to stop the mission but curiosity itched and burned underneath her skin.
The tunnels had wooden supports and lanterns, along with stacks upon stacks of crates. Some were plain wood, holding various supplies, but what stood out to her were the red plastic cubes. Selina was no scientist or demolition expert but typically, bright red screamed kaboom at the top of its lungs. Stepping through the exit, she had been both impressed and horrified to recognize the hallway leading straight to Thomas Wayne's Study. What the fuck? Why would Valeska dig a tunnel leading there? He could've easily made a functional tunnel to get himself and his disciples free.
In fact, that would've been the best move. Anyone who could find a way out of Gotham's ruins automatically held all the cards in the deck and if Valeska had a fraction of common sense left, he would've immediately contacted all the Zone Leaders to do business from the other side of the river.
He had nothing but obsession left in his mind. Selina was no stranger to that mentality and had put the pieces together. He wanted to use the tunnel to access Wayne Manor so he could destroy it like the Bridges. The red containers were bombs or had explosives stashed inside of them, likely both. Whether Bruce was supposed to be inside was unclear but given how Valeska liked to operate, Selena would say that he was trying to blow Alfred up. Despite the Townhouse being Home Base, he still came to the Manor every weekend to check that no one was squatting and to clean.
Attacking the city, destroying the Bridges, shooting her...it was a Game to Jeremiah. Everything was a sick, twisted game to him and if Bruce wasn't going to play with him, then he had to be punished. But, why now? That was the Million Dollar Question: why was Jeremiah making so many major moves in so little time? It was like he was preparing to host a formal Gala or birthday party...or an anniversary...
"...it's because of what happened to his parents. The tunnel, all the bombs...you were gonna blow him up on the Anniversary and just wipe out the whole Wayne family, including their home. Damn. I guess if you can't have him, nobody can, huh?"
"You're not seeing the big picture...I should've been there...it would've been for the best.!"
"You wanted to be there? I was there. I saw...I heard...if you gave a damn about him, the only way you being there would've been for the best, is if you found a way to make sure that they were able to go home as a family! I was there that night and I didn't help them. I couldn't because I was too scared and too selfish. Well, that and because it happened so fast. They were...they were just trying to go home. They were in that alley because they were trying to go home and because of this city's bullshit, because of this city's Elite's Illuminati on meth bullshit, they were shot down in front of their baby and he ain't been right ever since! My word isn't worth a lot but I can promise you that you did not want to be there!"
One of Selina's biggest regrets was her lack of action during that night. She had only been 15 at the time, yes but she could've tried. She could've thrown the carton of milk or the wallet she had lifted. She could've screamed, drawing the gunman's attention, and given the Waynes a chance to run. She could've...but she couldn't have. Her heart screamed otherwise but her mind...even if she had made a move, it wouldn't have made much of a difference in the long run. Knowing what she did now, it would've just ended up with her and Bruce in the grave, too.
Thomas and Martha Wayne had pissed the wrong people off. They hadn't meant to do so but they had. They had kept deep dark secrets, big ugly secrets that had been on the verge of coming out, and things had to stay status quo. Dead Men Told No Tales so the Hit had been called.
Simple as that.
It was nothing personal.
It was just business.
The idea of someone recreating that awful night made her want to tear the whole world apart but Selina would be glad to settle for the prowling "man" below her. Valeska was currently pacing the catwalks above the vats of bubbling foaming mystery fluid. Given that they were currently in Ace Chemicals, Selina could assume that the main ingredient to the frothy white fluid was acid. Acid and other scientific things that could destroy anyone or anything. That had been the other part of the plan. Valeska wanted to poison what little fresh water was left with a truck full of acid bombs and fireworks. Fortunately, the destruction of the Wayne Manor tunnel and Gordon getting the truck away from him had prevented that from happening.
Now, it was a waiting game. Selina had claimed a spot near the roof, giving her a clear view without being in easy range for a bullet. It was wonderful to see the surviving bastard responsible for everyone's misery unraveling in real time. Up until now, he had a Master Plan, a Mission that he had taken great pains to accomplish. Valeska wanted Gotham to be a shell of itself forever and he wanted Bruce to be a part of his fantasies.
Since Bruce had proven more than once that his answer would be a firm 'NO', he decided to target those who meant the most to him as punishment. Valeska had scored some critical hits against all of them but at the end of the day, he was doomed and he knew it.
"...they're coming for you, Jeremiah. Everybody knows where you are and that you're not untouchable anymore. You might as well put the bullet you should've put in my head in yours because if the Zone leaders or Feds don't get you, the whole city is gonna tear you to shreds for getting us into this mess. Raise da Roof used you like he did to everyone else and left you holding the bag."
Before Valeska could retort, several smoke bombs rolled in and detonated. The sound of sirens and angry Gotham citizens soon followed. A grin lit up her face at the terror on stupid fuck's face.
Ah, the calvery...
/
The Next Morning...
"He had it coming."
"...he did."
"It was either him or us. It wasn't going to be us."
"He shouldn't have threatened you. He knew that I would..."
"You did what any person worth a damn would do to protect yourself and your family."
Jeremiah Valeska had fallen into one of the vats of mystery chemicals. More accurately, he had been kicked off the catwalk he had claimed for himself by Bruce.
Bruce being Bruce had gone full out. As soon as he was inside, he was taking the stairs two at a time. He hadn't let Valeska say a word before tackling him and slamming an elbow into his face. Selina had descended from her hiding place and unfurled her bull whip, cracking it in challenge. Even if Jeremiah managed to get away from him, he wasn't getting away from her.
Every time the demented clown managed to land a hit on Bruce or tried to run, he got a lashing from her, enraging him further. He yelled that he was simply trying to bring truth to Bruce, to all of Gotham and she kept ruining everything. He called her every name under the sun and vowed that not only would he shoot her in the head as he should've in the study, by the time he was done with her, she would beg for him to do so.
That had been his last mistake.
To give Valeska a little bit of credit, he hadn't screamed when he went flying. A noise that could've been one escaped him as he went under but it was mostly gurgling. The blaring of alarms filled the factory and whatever kept the vats bubbling shut down immediately. On the surface of Valeska's vat was a thick layer of makeup and slowly, slowly, his limp body bobbed up to the surface. The sight of him was utterly repulsive, the stench choking, but even as Selina knelt with Bruce, even as she hugged him from behind as he wept, she smiled.
Just as she had told Ecco, it was better for the enemy to die than her family.
Ecco was dead. Not only was she dead, Valeska had killed her himself. Well, he had given her a coup de grace shot. Once the prisoners realized what was happening, they began to fight their captors with everything they had. Ecco had been trampled in the chaos and someone had slashed her just below the ribs, mortally wounding her. She had gotten up and limped to Valeska who had been about to make his escape. According to witnesses, Valeska had hugged her before shooting her in the head again, this time center mass.
Then, he left in his purple Lamborghini like it was nothing because to him?
She was just that.
Nothing.
Nothing but another pawn to sacrifice. Nothing but a bedwarmer and an ego boost.
Sometimes, Selina hated it when she was right.
It was such a fucking waste.
The sound and sight of military helicopters going past the windows was welcome but infuriating. Just as Selina predicted, as soon as the full truth of what was happening in Gotham reached international ears in power, the government quickly got into motion. The minefield that had been illegally placed was gone within 4 hours and ships were already docking. Some were evacuation ships. Other were supply ships. Still others were converted into medical ships and dormitories. People were getting in contact with loved ones and the outside world for the first time in nearly 3 years. People were eating fresh food again. People had fresh water again. Not only that but the streets were filled with Jeeps, tanks, delivery trucks, soldiers, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers...
They should have shown up sooner.
Despite the euphoria of finally getting the help they've needed, that was the overwhelming sentiment in the air. Gordon being Gordon said it straight to the Head Honcho's face and to the man's credit, he had readily agreed.
There was no getting around it. The Fallen Bridges crisis had been mismanaged and there was blood gushing from the government's fingertips. Selina wanted every coward involved to pay for abandoning them. They deserved to pay with interest for what they had allowed.
They deserved to suffer like the bastards who had directly caused the crisis.
Ra's Al Gul was dead forever, reduced to ashes and his empire in ruins.
Through the window, they were looking at what was left of Jeremiah Valeska.
He had survived his fall but alive wasn't a word that anyone could use to describe him. He was heavily sedated with an IV drip providing fluids with a feeding tube in his nose, and an oxygen mask over his face. His wrists were handcuffed to the railings and he would be under constant supervision via cameras. He would spend the next few months in the locked hospital room until a custom-built cell in Arkham's deepest depths was ready. No medical personnel would be allowed to tend to Valeska without armed bodyguards present.
The vat of chemicals had made Jeremiah into a cross between a zombie, a broken mannequin and beef jerky. His hair was crispy and most of it had fallen out. His face was destroyed from his injuries, swollen and sunken in all at once. His hospital gown engulfed his skinny body and his blankets were clean but far from comfortable.
It was way better than the bastard deserved. They should've just thrown him in the harbor.
"You were right. We took Jeremiah down and outside help is finally here. We're safe."
"We are. See? I told you everything would be..."
"Selina."
Bruce's solemn hessonite gaze had something new within it, something that made her pulse pick up. Selina knew in her bones that Bruce would never hurt her outside of defending himself and even then, he refused to do real damage. Why? Because he was a gentleman, an aristocrat, even. Also, because she was precious to him, the one who he wanted and needed to be with him. Selina didn't want to spend the rest of her life alone. She wanted to have true friends, a Squad, a family...
His arms snapped forward and Selina's gasp morphed into a deep moan as his lips crashed down on hers. The amount of passion in his kiss, the greedy possessiveness of his hands on her ass, his scent, his warmth had her rolling her hips against him, trying to feel more of him, all of him. God, she wanted to feel all of him! Someone, the worst someone, had tried to take him away from her again but had failed miserably. They had faced the sick fuck head on and beat him to a pulp. Bruce was still alive, still with her, still himself and she just...
"...need you, baby."
"...find us somewhere private."
That would be simple. Selina had made a point to learn the blueprints of every major landmark in Gotham while growing up. The knowledge had saved her life and others many times. Gotham General had been one of the first places she memorized plus her experiences in the building as a patient and visitor gave her everything she needed.
Bypassing the elevator, she led him into the stairwell and after descending 4 flights, Selina whimpered as Bruce pulled her flush against him. She rested her hands on the arms wrapped around her waist and tilted her head in offering. His kisses were tender and her knees threatened to give out as he nipped her just underneath her earlobe.
"I love you. I love you so much... mon chaton... mon ange... je t'aime tellement putain...(my kitten...my angel...I love you so fucking much...)...want to give you everything...whatever you want, Selina, it's yours..."
"You...I just want you...I-I love you, too...so fucking much...god, B, stop...let me...we need a bed...please, baby..."
"I love it when you call me baby..."
He was hers. Selina had done everything she could to fight against it, to guard her heart but Bruce Wayne was utterly irresistible to her. He brought out the best in her and it went both ways. She had hurt him in the past. He had hurt her, too but they knew better now. They knew what not to do and had accepted that while they were excellent apart, together? They were unstoppable. They could create miracles and help people and just do good things.
What she said to Barbara at Siren's was the truth. Selina had spent her childhood in Gotham's Underground, doing whatever it took to survive and to gain respect on the streets. She was tired. She had faced the karmic justice she had earned for her misdeeds but she had been saved, restored and made greater by the man she was hurriedly leading down the main hallway.
She had a fresh start, a blank slate and while she had decided to permanently change her ways, one thing always would be the same: Selina did whatever she wanted, when she wanted, and nobody could stop her.
She wanted happiness.
Everyone deserved happiness.
She had a chance for happiness, for genuine joy, and she was going to grab it with both hands. As soon as they finally got to an on-call room, Selina barely got the door open before grabbing Bruce's jacket lapels and meeting him halfway. A delighted laugh escaped her as his hands cupped her ass again and she locked her limbs around him, letting him carry her. As much as she teased him for showing off his physical strength, she loved it. Bruce was strong, he made her feel safe and what woman didn't like to feel like a princess sometimes?
Plus, him lifting her more often would give him practice for their wedding day and night.
Resting her left hand where his heart pounded, she asked a simple but potent question.
"Do you think we can find a priest before we skip town?"
Bruce being Bruce picked up on what she was truly asking immediately and slowly, his left hand went to where her heart was. His smile was brilliant as tears of joy brewed. Their kisses softened into slow sweetness and nuzzling between removing articles of clothing. Skin. She wanted skin. She wanted to feel him, all of him for the rest of her life...
"I'm lousy with rings unless I'm using them as brass knuckles so it'll be better to buy a pendant for regular days but getting a wedding set for special occasions and public appearances is a good idea. Despite all the pain and bullshit attached to being a Kyle, I still wanna hyphenate and we deserve to have a huge wedding cake, goddamn it! It's the least that those goddamned cowardly sons of clap ridden bitches can do for us, given that we spent almost 3 years doing their jobs for them while they fiddled like Nero."
"Will you...I know you typically don't like wearing dresses but..."
"There's no fucking way that I'm not wearing a wedding dress. I'm only getting married once and I wanna do it right. Besides, I look hot in lace. You know that."
"All too well. I love you, Selina Kyle-Wayne. Always."
"...show me."
////////////////////////////
"B, you've already heard me say how I feel about you in my own very special and delightful way over the years so instead of reciting regular Vows, I'm just gonna share one of my favorite poems because it's better than anything that I could ever come up with:
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
"...Pablo Neruda's 17th sonnet."
"Uh-huh...o-other than that, I just wanna say that I love you a-and that I wanna be with you as long as this fucked up world lets me and you're my best friend and I promise that I'm gonna be a good wife to you. The best wife."
"You already are."
It was a good thing that she had rejected all makeup except a magenta lip tint because she finally lost her battle with her tears. Bucking tradition, she embraced him and Bruce held her like he never wanted to let go. There wasn't a dry eye in the 12th Precinct turned wedding hall and Selina refused to feel embarrassed about being so open with her soft feelings. It was her wedding day, the only wedding day she would ever have. It was a day of joy and the biggest Fuck You they could give to everyone who ever hurt them.
Living well is the best revenge.
"I know that Shakespeare gets lots of props for how he writes about soft feelings, which is valid but to me? Pablo is way better than him. It's not even close. I found a 'Greatest Hits' book full of his work at The Flea when I was 10. Sonnet 17 always stuck with me. Despite Maria ditching me and Gotham being Gotham, I still hoped that one day, I would find someone that I could feel the same way about. And I did. I didn't mean to but I did...does this count as us saying 'I Do' because he just called me his wife in front of everyone and lemme tell you, Padre, I just really wanna kiss my husband right now..."
"That's up to the two of you."
Their first kiss as husband and wife was sweeter than all the ones they had before.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am very pleased to introduce you all to Bruce and Selina Wayne. Congratulations to you both. Live well. Be happy."
"We'll do our best, Father Matthews. Thank you."
Selina looked down at their entwined left hands, taking in the sight of rings on their fingers. Like her beloved hair pins and wedding pendant, they were platinum with black diamonds. The diamonds were embedded in Bruce's while hers was a 4-carat princess cut, flanked by two white pearls. She still didn't know where he had gotten all of the pieces but Selina knew that the pearls were a tribute to his mother.
After all, Martha Wayne had been known for her pearls and she had been a formidable woman, a fighter to the end. Selina appreciated that and like she had just promised, she was going to be a good wife to Bruce, worthy of helping him rebuild the Wayne family.
It was standing room only so the afternoon's spread had to accommodate them. The menu itself consisted of fresh fruit and vegetable platters, charcuterie boards, lemon chicken with mushroom risotto or turkey meatloaf with mashed potatoes both with confit byaldi as sides. There was ice water, sports drinks, and a variety of protein shakes and bars. Every Gotham citizen had malnutrition. If one was lucky, they had survived on MREs, bottled/boiled tepid water and what crops that had taken root, mainly tomatoes and potatoes. And booze. Lots and lots of booze, mostly homemade and caustic.
Their wedding cake was in the center of two vanilla sheet cakes for the guests. It was a simple lemon cake with white buttercream frosting with black frosting roses. It was 3 tiers and made by a posse of older women who had made their nursing home apartment complex into a smaller version of Haven. The people rescued from The Dark Zone lived with them, benefiting them all.
The Leader, Ms. Mabel Johanssen, or Mama Jo as she was called, had taken it upon herself to help Selina find her wedding dress. She, along with Lee and Barbara, had followed Mabel to the wedding boutique she had passed down to her oldest daughter (who had thankfully been out of town when The Bridges Fell) and it had only taken 30 minutes for Selina to find everything she wanted.
Her princess style dress left her shoulders bare, had three-quarter sleeves, and the bodice was white lace with pearl buttons, the lace holding a pattern of snowdrops. The bottom of it was ankle length with had just the right amount for material for swishing while dancing and to take flight when she spun. A pair of plush white loafers finished the look. Her manicure was a simple matte black with magenta french tips.
Her 'something blue' came from the electric blue nail polish she had painted on her toes and the cerulean dress color she had chosen for her bridesmaids. She had left the dress design up to them. Lee and Barbara were more than capable of dressing themselves. Barbara had chosen a one-shoulder bodycon dress that stopped at her shins and Lee had gone with an ankle length, sleeveless empire waist dress with a sweetheart neckline. Black stilettos completed their looks.
Her 'something old' was a 3-way tie between her Bowie knife, the gold studs she had kept since before Maria abandoned her, and Alfred.
Her 'something borrowed' had been Jim from Lee so he could walk her down the aisle.
His investigation into what happened to Thomas and Martha Wayne had led to where they were today. Were it not for him making her one of his street contacts and annoying her enough to want to be a good person every once in a while, she wouldn't be Selina Kyle-Wayne. Plus, walking down the aisle by herself didn't just feel right and far be it from her to pass up on an opportunity to tease Gordon in the future.
He had taken to the task with military precision while crying the whole time. It was sweet but she wouldn't be her if she didn't bust his balls about it. Hell, he would be worried if she didn't...
"Are you okay?"
"Yep. Are you okay?"
"I'm almost as amazing as you."
"...quit being sappy and help me cut this cake, douchebag. I'm hungry."
The members of the press that were present had their cameras working overtime but only Alfred and Barbara could get the best footage. As soon as Selina stepped into Siren's for her owed drink, the blonde had bowled her over in a hug. Between her sobs, Selina heard her thanking Tabby for not letting the universe take her away too. Of all people to be her Guardian Demon (because there was no way that Tab had even glimpsed at the pearly gates...), Tabitha was perfect for the job. Other than black being Bruce's trademark, she had picked her wedding manicure with her fallen sister in mind, as well as her lip color.
Once she heard about the wedding, Barbara had declared that she would be the videographer. Alfred could film for the family but for the official video, she would take charge. For all its campiness, the commercial she put together for Siren's had done its job so Bruce hired her. Plus, giving her such an important job guaranteed that she wouldn't cause trouble, especially since Lee was in the wedding party.
Any romance between Jim and Barbara had been rightfully put to rest ages ago. However, Barbara would occasionally have the same attitude about him as a child who didn't want a toy anymore but didn't want anyone else playing with it either. Plus, the two women had their own issues outside of him. Whenever they interacted, there was always a risk of violence.
Pleasantly surprising everyone, the pair were getting along just fine. If one didn't know better, they would assume that the women were close friends, maybe even Besties.
Time healed most wounds.
Finding out that Lee had purposely gotten herself captured by the tunneling psychos so she could rescue the enslaved 30 children and 15 adults had given her tons of street cred. Couple that with her using her status as Queen of The Narrows to help people and not hurt anyone who didn't deserve it? It was best to squash any lingering Beef, if not just for business purposes.
The best part? Lee acted the same as she did as before it all happened.
The camera shutters and flashes went even faster as Selina happily accepted a forkful of cake. Bruce chuckled as she purposely smeared some frosting over the tip of his nose while feeding him. After cleaning up with a napkin, he passed her a square plate to fill and that was the signal for everyone to start eating, drinking, and being merry. It was a reception, after all. Speaking of that...
"Dancing's mandatory but there aren't gonna be any toasts, right?"
"No."
"Thank God."
"I like what you did with your bouquet."
"Mama Jo said that she didn't want cash but she never said that we couldn't pay another way. Throwing the bouquet is a dumb tradition, anyways. How did it even get started?"
"While a bride carrying flowers and certain herbs has been a tradition for centuries, tossing the bouquet was a way in 19th century England to distract the crowd from chasing her."
"Why the fuck were they doing that? Did she owe them money?"
They both giggled before he pressed a quick kiss to the back of her hand.
"Not usually. On her wedding day, the bride was seen as the luckiest person in the area. People would want to touch her or take pieces of her dress and hair to make charms. Whoever caught the bouquet was seen to be next in line to get married and it also served as a fertility blessing."
"That's weird but also kinda wholesome. Now, eat. You'll need the energy for later."
"Yes, dear."
"Shut up!"
/
"My husband's standing right behind us."
"Hush, you."
"My vows to him were literal poetry but you're still going for it? Wowww..."
"Stop."
"No can do. Blushing Bride or not, I still gotta meet my daily quota of shit talking and if I didn't bust your balls right now, you'd be worried that you're sending B off with a clone."
"...she's not wrong."
"Annoying, isn't it?"
Grinning, Selina stepped back from them and watched the pilot shake Bruce's hand before he went in to prepare for takeoff. Although she knew that she was far more likely to be killed in a car accident, watching Final Destination at the age of 9 hadn't been the best idea. However, Bruce himself did not hire incompetent people and Foxy had personally vouched for the plane's safety so she'd suck it up.
It was fucking hilarious that she was afraid to fly while having no fear of leaping between buildings or climbing suspension bridges. If she had to guess, it was more about the lack of control but again, she'd suck it up. Where Bruce went, she followed and vice versa.
Plus, getting out of Gotham was necessary for them to truly recover and rest.
They wouldn't stay away forever. They had too many people they loved to do so and regardless of the new beginning, at the end of the day? Gotham was Gotham. The players in the game changed constantly but the city's Ways were in its foundations. The GCPD were outnumbered 50 to 1 and outgunned. Good cops rarely lasted long in the city. They either joined the other side, quit before the end of their first day, or they were collateral damage during a Maniac of the Week's temper tantrum.
Now that Gordon was Commissioner and had the government by the balls, those statistics would certainly change but there would always be a need for something more, for someone... for people firmly on the side of good who could operate in the shadows, who could dwell in shades of gray to get what needed to get done faster.
Everyone had a role to play.
But for now? It was time for her and Bruce to leave. They needed to leave Gotham behind to rest, recover, and explore the world together. Plus, if they were really going to commit to protecting the city from eternal darkness or whatever the fuck, they needed to go through years of extensive training so they could do it right.
They couldn't do that locally.
Once Bruce was released, he joined her at the bottom of the staircase.
"Are you ready?"
"Yep."
Just before entering the jet, Selina waved before happily flipping their father figures off.
The warm evening breeze carried the sound of their laughter as the door shut behind her.
/
"...so much for joining the Mile High Club."
"You needed your rest."
"Obviously. You got to carry me over the threshold and get a half marathon in. Why the hell is this place so huge? Were your multi great-grandpas compensating for something?"
"Cat, you know better than anyone that there's nothing to compensate for."
"Just because you can fill a pussy like an eclair doesn't mean that they could."
"Selina!"
"Would you have preferred if I said split it like a peach, my darling husband?"
The images on the big screen were loud. Images of Gotham Before and After, heart wrenching clips from viral interviews of survivors, people tearfully reuniting with loved ones, exhausted yet smiling children finally being fed properly, trucks of rubble being cleared, a stone-faced Jim Gordon glaring at the Head Honcho as he spoke outside of the reclaimed City Hall...the decorated military man had a black eye and a split lip.
See, not only had Gordon said to his face that they all should have shown up sooner, he said it after falcon punching the son of a bitch in the bullpen. The punch had been a thing of beauty, something straight out of an Indiana Jones movie!
As the news broadcast kicked off, a large collage of government officials was put on display for the world to see. The End of the Fallen Bridges Crisis was the hottest topic and would be for months to come. Their faces were out there but it wasn't enough to just show them. As if on cue, the camera zoomed into the collage and the screen smoothly transitioned into a slideshow. Name, State, Political Party, and how their negligence/cowardice made things worse for everyone trapped in Gotham, each remaining on the screen for 10 seconds each.
"Their families don't deserve it."
"I'll have The Board release a statement. What happens afterwards isn't my responsibility."
The TV was turned off and Selina grinned as he scooped her up in a fireman's carry.
"Who are you and what have you done with Bruce Wayne?"
"You're not the only person who can change their Ways and mean it, Selina."
Changed Ways or not, Selina could feel the Restlessness bubbling under her skin. It needed to be dealt with. Revenge needed to be dished out along with Justice. Not today, not tomorrow, not even a year down the road but eventually. Playing the long game made victory sweeter and just because living well was the best revenge didn't mean it was the only one.
Since she had far too much to lose now, Selina wouldn't kill anyone outside of another survival situation but that didn't mean she was out of options, especially since Bruce would be on board when she read him in.
It wasn't just The Fallen Bridges. There were other catastrophes that had been mismanaged. Gotham was Gotham but Selina knew that the inquiries would uncover at least one Cabal who made tons of money from the constant chaos for decades if the investigators had the balls to dig deep enough. Hell, maybe they wouldn't have to dig at all. Two baker's dozen worth of Geneva Laws had been shattered and justice needed to be served. Nobody wanted to get into that sort of trouble, no matter how tough they claimed to be. There was going to be a race to get to the best PR teams, the best lawyers, the best places to live in Witness Protection...
After reversing their positions, Selina captured his mouth, smiling as his hands slid underneath her top. She had woken up still in her wedding dress sans shoes but waiting on the vanity was one of Bruce's cashmere sweaters. That was what he wanted to see her wearing and she smiled as she put it on. Although Bruce was the poster child for overthinking, there were times where he was simple.
Men loved it when their companions wore their clothes...and when they could take them off.
Sitting up, Selina rested her head on his shoulder, chuckling to herself as she loosened the buttons of his shirt. Once his shirt was unbuttoned, instead of an undershirt, her hand rested on the bare flesh where his heart pounded below. After the shirt was off, Selina gave him a light shove so his back was resting against the headboard. His hands spanned her bare hips and held on tightly, his gaze riveted on her as she shed the sweater. She opened her mouth to say something but Bruce's lips captured hers, making her slump against him. His hands wandered over her back, caressing and massaging until she began to purr.
Skin. She wanted more skin, more of his warmth against hers, more of everything!
When they broke for air, Bruce helpfully lifted his hips and they chuckled as he struggled to kick off his pants for a moment before rejoining their lips. Better. Much, much better. No more barriers, just skin and love and safety. Familiar lips, familiar hands, familiar and delicious scent...her man, her mate, her everything...
"Like this?", he murmured while lining them up.
"Yeah...my favorite...want you..."
All the breath left her lungs as her husband pulled her down to meet his firm upward thrust into her and she shuddered. Selina's senses were engulfed by him, her husband, her love, her fucking everything...
"You are divine... mon doux ange... (my sweet angel..)"
Her response was to nuzzle him before dipping her head to suck just beneath his collarbone. Bruce liked it when she left marks on him. She wasn't sure why. Maybe it was part of his masochism, maybe it was because she was claiming him, giving him and the whole word proof that he was taken, wanted, needed, loved so fucking much that it hurt...
Selina cried out as he increased his pace and green tinted her vision as she peppered kisses to Bruce's jaw before nipping his earlobe. Her fingers bent and locked, her nails beginning to leave imprints in her mate's tender flesh. Not too hard, not too deep, she didn't want to hurt him in bad ways. He was Bruce, not an enemy to be dispatched or a toy to rip apart. He was her husband, her partner, her best friend, someone to be cherished, protected at all costs...
Selina kept her arms around him as her back hit the mattress and she shivered as his hot mouth found her nipples, moaning his appreciation. Closing her eyes, she let him his way with her, moving harder and faster, meeting him halfway. He felt so good, so fucking good, perfect, her favorite, her only...
"Look at me."
She whimpered.
"Look at me."
She moaned.
"Look at me!"
She obeyed and immediately fell over the edge, taking him with her. Pulling him down, she kissed him deeply, nipping and sucking at his lower lip. She could feel his smile and she smiled back, cupping his face. Bruce's full weight rested on her and she relished it. He was warm and smelled delicious, both of himself and their lovemaking. Despite the sunlight streaming through the balcony doors, a bone deep drowsiness had her sinking deeper into the mattress and pillows. After yawning, Selina helped him pull the bedding over their cooling bodies and Bruce pressed soft kisses to the beauty marks on her chest. She pecked his brow and squeezed him.
"Get some sleep, B."
"Are you sure? It's our honeymoon and..."
"Shhh...we have all day and I'll be here when you wake up. I'll be here for as long you need me."
"...promise?"
"I promise. Sleep, baby. I got you."
#happy new year!#CMW2 came back before we got GTA VI!#thank you for your paitence!#fanfic#GOTHAM#GOTHAM fanfiction#babybatcat#bruce x selina#otp: bat & cat#otp: whenever you need me#batman#catwoman#bruce wayne#selina kyle#AU fanfiction#foil#ex jehovah's witness#deprogramming#my healing journey
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i made fresh spinach pesto with lentils pasta, i haven't tasted yet but this was so fulfilling to make for myself :)
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Watching you smile as if nothing is wrong, acting as if everything will be okay.
While I sit here picking up the pieces of myself that you broke off of me, trying to ignore the holes that'll never be closed because you destroyed the pieces that should have filled them
Has been the hardest thing I have ever done
#quotes#heartbreak#damn you#deep#writers on tumblr#poets on tumblr#original poem#my healing journey#fuck love#poetry#writers and poets#writing#my words#my voice
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Saturday, 13 July, 2024
Divine feminine energy is your highest spiritual feminine energy that you can embody. Goddess energy. It is your divine essence merging with feminine energy to reveal the journey of your soul and who you are meant to be. It gives deep intuitive insights into your soul mission and life purpose, connects you with the spiritual realm and your higher self, and empowers you at a spiritual level. Your spiritual power comes from accessing this energy through your heart space, intuition, and connection with the divine higher power you believe in. It can help you feel empowered through divine love and compassion, spiritually healing you by making you feel unconditionally loved and accepted as the person and spiritual being that you are. It also offers universal wisdom and guidances that opens your heart and mind to higher spiritual perspectives and universal truths. It connects you to the Source of all. The divine feminine encompass both dark and light feminine energy.
Light feminine energy, on the other hand, is the feminine energy we commonly know and use in everyday life. I think someone can embody light feminine energy without necessarily believing or embodying the spiritual aspects described above. However, I find light feminine energy and divine feminine energy closely related and similar in many qualities they both share. It is the caring, gentle, soft, nurturing, creative, compassionate, maternal, and loving energy that most of all connects with in the physical world. It’s the energy that helps us connect with people, take care of ourselves, take care of others, and grow as individuals. It has a healing energy of its own kind.
Dark feminine energy is the energy of transformation, shadow work/self, and embracing the dark aspects of repressed feminine and masculine energies. It challenges you to grow, change, transform, and be your authentic self. It’s an empowering force that gives you the strength, courage, and resilience to face your psychological issues and the unconscious part of yourself. It represents your feminine form at its best if you follow its lead to discover your empowered self. It’s also an intuitive energy that helps you uncover hidden truths and wisdom about how you function as a woman. It pushes you to attain what you desire, what you want, and what you need. It’s an energy that guides you to your personal power and deep healing for the purpose of balance and wholeness. ~ @feminiel
♡
© 𝟸o𝟸𝟺 𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒��𝚕, 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚍
#my thoughts#personal post#my healing journey#my spiritual journey#my learnings#personal growth#spiritual growth#dark feminine energy#divine feminine energy#light feminine energy#feminine energy#divine feminine#dark feminine#light feminine#women#woman#my insights#self-empowerment#balance#wholeness#personal power#spiritual power
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Saturday September 28,2024- I’m learning making commitments to God can seem easy to do. But actually choosing to put in the work and stay dedicated to the lord can be a real challenge. In my life here recently I seem to ebb and flow from commited to trying to stay commited, to Luke warm, to cold, to hot and to being exhausted. I know it’s not about being perfect but I want to feel real and authentic and not go back and forth so much. Learning to let myself take it one day at a time and allow the inspiration to carry me through.
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We think love is a feeling
That honeymoon feeling
So when it disappears …
That honeymoon feeling
So do we
But love is a choice
You have to try
Day in
You have to try
Day out
You have to try
#september#september 2024#my post#my writing#my healing journey#spilled ink#journal#diary entry#is this poetry?#creative writing#feelings#spilled feelings#spilled words#I like blogging#personal blog#for me
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I managed to cry today, which is a major breakthrough for me, and then I went to the grocery store and treated myself to ice cream.
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✨Re-learning to take care of myself one little step at a time.✨
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Just hang on for a little longer
Hang on for a little longer
Stay alive while you can
New season will come shortly
Old will be gone, it will fly away like a light cotton, like cloud far away
It will no longer hold you down as long as you don't hold onto it
It will no longer make you suffer as long as you don't feel it
Just a little longer
Breath while you can
Live while you can
Love while you can
Be yourself while you can
New season on the way
Just hang on for a little longer
-One%Hope
#mental health#feelings#personal growth#quote#love#spilled ink#painful#early morning poem#poems and poetry#dnsh poetry diary#poetry#dnsh journal#dnshbkphotography#sony7iv#20-70mm#morning dew#hang on little longer#healing with nature#my healing journey#solo trip#live#new season#new hope#hopefulheart#writers on tumblr#poems on tumblr
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