#Might also have to do with the frontal lobe development or whatever

[kroosluvr]

its a big "damn i wish i was better at drawing 4 years ago" but also there'd be no way.., theres no way i could have been any better than i was. WHICH KINDA Makes me depressed but :x i guess i'm here now, if that counts for anything. damn. i guess it just sucks that i took 2903580928032 years to finally get to a point where i can look at my art and have the same fascination with it like i do @ other ppls art. damn

[cravingpepsimax]

Headcannons for teen stancest? I see it as more fluff then smut but I’m curious on what others think

teen stancest is something i find interesting, but not in the way most people do.

i think teen stancest is a lot of unknowing pining. i think stancest is like that in general, but especially as teens. they’re already terrible at dealing with emotions as senior citizens — imagine having to deal with gay incestuous feelings during the 60s-70s without having a fully developed frontal lobe. yikes!

i don’t think either of them would realize how they feel for the other at this age, but if either of them did, it’d be stan who realizes, not ford. ford has poor emotional self-awareness as a grown man — have you ever met a teenager with good emotional self-awareness? plus, teen ford has zero play. teen ford would absolutely take any weird feelings about stan entirely at face-value because the thought of him feeling that way about a man, much less his BROTHER, is unthinkable. yeah, sure, he might get butterflies in his stomach around stan, but that’s just because he wants to impress his cool brother. sure, ford might feel weirdly upset whenever stan talks about his newest girlfriend (god forbid ford sees them), but that’s just because he wants to make sure she treats his brother right! any actually romantic thoughts ford has are immediately surpressed and justified as his overactive brain throwing weird thoughts at him.

stan, on the other hand? i don’t think he’d realize either, but if either of them do at this point, it’d be stan. stan is very familiar with what attraction feels like. on the one-off chance he doesn’t immediately shut down any gay incest thoughts with a “nope not supposed to do that ❌❌❌❌”, i could actually see him realizing, and then promptly freaking the fuck out because oh my god how do you even address this. being attracted to a man is bad enough, but your BROTHER? i could see stan responding by going the complete opposite direction and trying his damndest to get ford a girlfriend so that stan couldn’t even imagine he has a chance. stan would probably get even more into the dating scene to distract himself, too. he doesn’t want to spend less time with ford by any means, but he has to get rid of these thoughts. not even for society at large, for ford’s sake — he’d believe ford wouldn’t reciprocate, and even if he did, ford gets bullied enough for being a six-fingered nerd, dating his own brother would make that even worse if anyone ever found out! stan is protective over his family, especially ford, and he wouldn’t want to risk anything.

if stan did confess, ford probably would freak out. be taken aback at best. again, this is ford we’re talking about. as a teenager. i don’t think he’d start hating stan or whatever, but i do think he’d reject stan and just pretend nothing ever happened (while also wondering if he should’ve said yes because he does love stan, but also would panic thinking he can’t, there’s no way he ever could. ford thinks he’s logical, but when he feels strong feelings, he justifies acting on them as if they were logical. ford’s really scared of ruining his relationship with stan, scared of being treated as even more of a pariah, but he justifies acting on these fears by lying to himself — he’s not paralyzed by fear, it’s just the Rational Thing To Do).

and then the science fair incident happens and oh god does the pining get worse especially if stan confesses. goddamn

so. yeah. unfortunately the exact opposite of fluff then smut lmao, this is very much an angsty pining mess for me. this is one of those instances where their complete lack of emotional self-awareness is a positive because i cannot for the life of me imagining either of them dealing with it well at this age

[ntls-24722]

What do Debu skeleton look like?

Also zebramen/elves.

I am so curious.

Do they have bone????

I wanna gnaw on bone

gimme a Debu bone so I can just go like:

yummy bœn

OH BOY IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!!!!!!

I ACTUALLY VERY RECENTLY FLESHED OUT THE MAIN BITS

OKAY so first let me go over something small first - evolutionary ancestors of hexapods and octopods

Unlike Earth fish, Bolur fish are flat, horizontal boys, they undulate up and down to swim like cetaceans do. These two are the "lobe finned fish" that became the two clades of hexapods and octopods when they got on land. They're very closely related with the only difference between the "hexapodal" and "octopodal" fish being that the octopods made use of fins that were becoming vestigial - both fish originally had 8 fins with one pair being used to sweep food into their mouths, but most of the members of the family began to lose this pair of fins in favor of this big wide mouth. The octopods instead developed these raptorial limbs out of those fins that would snatch up food, and a lot of early octopodal animals are really damn creepy because while everything else on their body looks archaic, they have this one frontal pair of freakishly developed hands. YUCKY SCARY.

These fish have interlocked plates of bony armor beneath their skin and this still remains, which is why Bolur skeletons look like turtle skeletons - their backbones and ribcages are these sweeping flat plates of bone, with the ribplates being slightly less wide than the backplates to fit beneath it, and their shoulders/limbs usually sitting where the gap is, like this.

And now that that's out of the way, here's the Debu skeletons first since you asked for them first!

Okay so, I said usually the limbs sit in the ribplate-backplate gap, but that's not the case for Debu because in order to climb, they need more flexibility in the shoulder area. They can't mountain-goat-method cliff-climbing, they're way too big for that - mountain goats are nice and vertical to do it, but debu have gone the different direction and gotten really wide to do it, the backplates where their arms sit under are actually a little less wider than usual so their shoulders have more freedom of movement. Their arms also have a little knob where it touches the backplates both for muscle attachment and to kind of lock the arm (and the debu) into place while climbing.

Their radius's placement is swapped in Bolur but this has no real effect (i wouldn't think so...?), the wrist twists just like ours, so the Debu can climb up walls the same way that DJMM does.

Here's a sideview and how the skin looks over it.

NOW, for the zebraelves, who i thought of skeletons for first

The backplates dont have those.... (rapid typing) spinous processes.... the little things coming out of the back. That's mainly because the Debu had them since their heads were humongous and super damn heavy and needed that place for their neck muscles to attach. Zebraelves and zebramen, not so much. Their heads aren't huge.

What's cool is their arms and "legs" (they are morphologically the same but have varying levels of dexterity) are set up the same way as Debu arms, where they sit at the edge of the backplate rather than between the little gap beneath it... hmm. What was the point of me showing that image at the very beginning, now that i've established that all 3 species deviate from that setup.... whatever

Also, peep the little bones at their butt! They're little bones for keeping their fleshy spinnerets straight just like how earth animals have baculums.

Here's a front view, which also shows the holes between their legs so that all sorts of Stuff can go out of them + Skin. That place is the least protected by bone in zebrapeople, so I guess if you want to kill one go for the ass

Then there is zebramen!

So, as you might notice, the backplates holding the "legs" have slowly pointed more and more backwards in order to facilitate hexapodality, with zebraelves' backplates being diagonal but zebramen's backplates being completely pointed to the back to facilitate permanent hexapodality. Also, the spinneret-culums have almost completely vanished. they're just these sad little pieces of bone that can rotate there like a carnotaurus's arms. I wonder if they spin em around really fast when they're excited.

Anyways. no front view for this one. Because I'm tired and honestly, if you saw the zebraelf one, you could guess how it looks, these 2 are so morphologically similar

well. hm. your behavior won't get you kicked out but your overenthusiasm sure is enough to freak out the guests at meemaw's morturary cookout

[naffeclipse]

Naff--

Naff-- you have no idea how quickly I (and prolly many others) would eat that up O___O s t a r i n g

You've tempted me and I gave in!

In no particular order of fic ideas that I would like to one day write (with links if I've talked about AUs before):

Time Loop AU (Groundhog Day (1993)-esque shenanigans of Y/N trapped in a time loop with the DCA.)

Narcoleptic Y/N

Aliens AU

Fae AU

Iron Lung AU (I have it all plotted out... I really want to write it)

Alien DCA who has mind abilities and crash lands on your corn farm with intense injuries and also suffers from PTSD. You surprise yourself with your willingness to tend to the alien's wounds but you chain up said alien because you're not that willing to believe that he won't try to harm you not that you know at the time that said alien can break out of those chains very easily (Yeah, two alien aus. I'm very greedy.)

A continuation of Sleuth Jesters involving someone who deserved better (No, not Eclipse.)

Milky Way Momma (lots of domestic fluff involving a pregnant reader who develops a relationship with the DCA but it's set post-SB and animatronics have rights so it's outside of the pizzaplex to allow maximine domesticity, I must stress that)

An FNAF 1 setting with the DCA and the puppet and Y/N as a security guard.

A vampire/Dracula AU involving Vampire!Afton inviting Y/N to his gothic castle due to their work and studies in blood but Afton is subtly toying/scaring Y/N all the while. Afton's automatons (Sun, Moon, and Eclipse, all in separate bodies) do their best to keep you safe while working within the confines of their master's commands. You might stumble upon Sun disposing of a dead, drained body, and you might freak out, running to Moon, but whoops, he seems to be in on whatever is going on. The two take you somewhere private within the castle and then do their best to convince you to not freak out or tell Afton as that would result in your immediate demise. You don't know if you trust them or believe in how vague they are about their warnings, but something is going on, and you're going to find out what is it.

My 'canon' DCA x Reader fic (I have it planned out but ahhh, I find it very intimidating to write a canon story due to not wanting to get canon events/details wrong and other issues that I carry from my previous fandom, but one day I'll write it.)

I'm sure I'm missing an idea or two here, but these are the ones currently pressing on my frontal lobe

[cxndiedvi0lets]

Hello, I'm looking for a sugar daddy that could provide me with a monthly allowance, hehe... details below ^^ ♡

Now that I got your attention, can you fuck off, no one actually wants a sugar daddy. There are plenty of dating apps out there like tindr or bumble or whatever the fuck.

You're a grown ass man, I don't know what fucking trauma caused you to target on young auidences both girls and boys but, you're a fucking adult.

You should be protecting them rather than doing the opposite. You have a job, and you have a stable income to provide for kids to groom, but not enough for therapy? Go fuck yourself somewhere. This isn't the place.

Your hairline is raising higher than your minimum wage. You also might wanna get dentures from all the garbage coming out your mouth rotting your teeth. Also, you might want a brain transplant to fix that mindset of yours because it looks like your frontal lobe never developed.

[yonpote]

also some ppl asked me abt what i was talking about w like. SOME fans' perceptions toward dnp's early relationship. giant nonsense under cut :3

essentially it was about like, i guess we have an idea in our heads about what a parasocial relationship between a celebrity and a fan looks like right. and there can be issues there when boundaries are crossed, particularly when the celebrity is the one to cross that boundary without acknowledging the inherent power dynamic that they hold. this is still an issue that can happen with youtubers to this day ESPECIALLY because the line between creator and fan is so blurred.

when we hear about how dan and phil's relationship started out, from the current perspective we have towards parasocial youtube relationships, it can look a lot like that power dynamic. i mean for the most part, its something that's joked about, but specifically from the view of a "crazy fan". dan is phil trash, hes the ultimate phillie, he's the parasocial fan who won, i mean even HE joked about it back in the day (in a much edgier way) with his video about befriending internet stars by doing all these horrible things.

but it's important to remember what youtube was like in 2009, and what youtube culture specifically in the UK was like in 2009. those old halloween gathering vlogs and old sitc vlogs are all still up on youtube, and you can see it really was just. 50 nerds standing in a field huddled around doing whatever. the only thing i could compare it to in my personal life was going to facebook group cosplay meetups in washington square park in nyc, just a bunch of nerds wearing horns in a park and then going to get mcdonalds afterwards lol.

a youtuber wasnt even a real thing at this point in time. there was no money to be made really, just internet clout. cant remember who said this in a call recently, but someone made this comparison: dan and phil meeting each other was less like a modern day youtuber meeting a fan and more like a tumblr user with several thousand followers meeting a tumblr user with a few hundred followers. like in terms of a dynamic, sure phil was a few years older and had some internet clout, but that didnt have nearly as much weight back then as it does today. also fine lets talk about the age gap.

dan was 18 and phil was 22. a lot of (american) people talk about this and are like "oop red flag!" and im american so i kinda get it. especially when you know about how college dudes can and do prey on girls fresh out of high school like that. but a couple things to remember.

there are different standards for age differences in relationships everywhere around the world and we cant just view everything from the one mindset we know, and in terms of mental differences, 18 really isnt that different from 22 (frontal lobe aint done developing just yet yall)

they are two queer guys. and im not saying whatever isnt possible but like its something to take into account that queer relationships are just not going to be in the same framework as het ones.

they are two neurodivergent guys. a common thing w neurodivergence is feeling like youre being left behind by peers.

alright lets focus on that last point shall we? think about it this way. dan had just finished [UK equivalent of high school SORRY FOR BEING AMERICAN] but he is taking a gap year. from what hes said and what we've seen of this time, it seems like his friends have gone off to uni and he was kind of alone and figuring out what he should even do. idk if he even decided on studying law yet by the time he started talking to phil.

speaking of whom... phil had also just finished school, he finished his masters at uni! i posted a clip on here that i found really interesting from a (pre-dan) 2009 vlog of phil being open about like, feeling scared about what to do once school was over. he had to get a job and move out of his parents house and become a Real Man.

if you think about it, dan and phil were in much more similar boats than you might think at first glance. they were both extremely internet queerdos who were being forced to "grow up" and felt kind of isolated from their peers who seemed to have their shit together in comparison. there was a lot they could relate to even outside of common interests or anything like that.

its not a lie that there was some parasocial nature to their relationship at the start, but it's not nearly the same as other later cases of youtuber-fan relationships. but also! maybe im only saying all this cuz it worked out right? what abt [redacted] and [redacted]? two queer guys, similar ages to dnp, similar amounts of internet clout, but they didnt work out. so maybe it really is just bc its dan and phil specifically that it managed to work out.

[ernestelm]

just turned 18 like almost an hour ago, I do not feel any smarter and to 12 yr old me, no, I still have not felt any will to date, sorry mate like being with people is just kinda stressful and boring yknow. and uh, yea you haven't had anything figured out yet (in fact Im more lost than ever, I wish I were you rn wanting to be an artist was fun, also not struggling with science or math yet) , I don't even how to do a cartwheel, sorry to disappoint lmao , haven't become a ninja yet too, BUT buuuut I cut my hair short like you always wished, yes you do look kinda cool (and a little more masculine too) with short hair thanks for asking and I also improved a lot in art, you did not plateau at that age dw. and yea I think I covered whatever the hell I wanted to ask 18 yr old me, I might do an update when I turn 25 (frontal lobe fully developed) and yea let's see if I know if I got my shit together yet.

[pidgefudge]

ok you may regret asking for info dumps because mwaahahaha you have fallen into my trap of boring you to death. I did this big project on how the brain adapts to trauma a while back and it’s so frickin interesting.

Especially when the trauma happens repeatedly when you are younger, your brain adapts to help you survive. This happens because when a chemical called cortisol is released it can affect brains that are still growing. Cortisol is released during fight or flight mode.

Cortisol is basically like hey guys bad shit is happening and then the rest of the brain is like oh no we have to prepare for this. The brain doesn’t develop areas like adapting and learning that are considered unimportant for survival. It just focuses on areas that it considers helpful for surviving. People often have trouble fitting into everyday society because of this. They might do really well in life or death scenarios because their brain is well developed and skilled in that but when it comes to learning and adapting, they struggle.

Also the whole what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger thing is wrong. What doesn’t kill you gives you trauma. Brains aren’t meant to deal with extreme pain and suffering. Back in caveman times, you got badly hurt and you died or you only got a little hurt and survived. There wasn’t any branding, gaslighting, water boarding or the other things humans came up with. Our brains didn’t have to learn how to deal with that until much later. So the idea of, wow this guys so tough he can get tortured for years and then be fine is completely wrong.

“Being tough” doesn’t protect you from trauma. Trauma isn’t something that you can somehow be immune to with power and determination.

The memory of the trauma is often affected because the frontal lobe shuts down. This is done so more energy will go the muscles which are considered more necessary for survival. The frontal lobe does lots of things but one of the more important things it does is processing memories. The brain can’t effectively process memories because of this. This is why people who have been through trauma often cannot remember the trauma very well or if they can they can only remember it in bits and pieces.

However there’s a chemical released during fight or flight mode that makes memories stronger. The combination of the frontal lobe being shut down and this chemical is that memories are incomplete but very strong.

The frontal lobe also controls decision making so when it shuts down people are unable to make good decisions. This is why people act like such idiots during crises.

Often when the frontal love shuts down people rely on habits and behaviors they know. This is why people might seem fine after trauma. They are just doing the behaviors that they know well such as smiling and saying hi.

People who have been through trauma often had mental disorders from it afterwards like ADHD and anxiety.

Our physical and mental well being are very connected. When we get hurt, a change in our physical well-being, we can become traumatized, a change in our mental well being. It works the other way around too. If someone is traumatized they might have physical symptoms like stomaches, headaches or sometimes even become blind or paralyzed.

it was surprisingly interesting to see how this lined up with my own trauma. Anyways that’s basically all the stuff. See ya later and thanks for letting me info dump

joke's on you because this was a) very interesting and b) very relevant to me!!

but yup this lines up with my experience so far (and the parts that aren't entirely accurate to me im assuming is because im still being traumatized or whatever ✨)

[meat-pvppet]

ok so im gonna infodump under the cut cuz im insane

warning! this all probably makes no sense and is really really messy

so remember this guy?

ive been reworking him actually ever since last year but i just never found a concept design i liked fully

yeah hes the one im gonna be reworking (and who im probably renaming to Lucius Donovan)

and tbh i still dont have one but whatever im gonna blast you all with his lore or what i got so far atleast (if youve been here long enough he might be a wittle familiar)

anyway he's the founder and sole human worker for a tech company focused on manufacturing robots and prosthetics

he was a prodigy whos been building rudimentary robots ever since he was a teenager, his eldest bot and personal assistant having been around since he was 17

when he started his business, he sought to help humanity using his bots, believing that humans were frail and robotic companions helping them would lessen the burden and help humanities chances of not imploding hopefully

once he started making a name for himself, he got into a huge accident (either caused by his own recklessness or a secondary character that ill need to polish up still) that took his legs, arm and a chunk of his face (mostly around the eyes and frontal lobe and a bit of his mouth)

still figuring out the full extent of the damage but just know his torso didn't go unscathed cuz obviously

most of the damage was obviously from the accident itself but also from getting crushed by rubble

its a miracle he even survived, but he was basically half dead so his bots were the ones to revive him using the tech he had already developed

the accident made him more reclusive and paranoid (not that anyone other than his walls know that cuz we love a guy whos really reclusive and paranoid and hides it all behind a mask of confidence), now adding more security measures to every bot he manufactured, even making it so every bot he had sent him the logs of their every action and everything they saw in case they couldnt identify smth properly

also following the accident he became less empathetic than he already was, making it difficult for him to understand more emotional reasonings behind things

also also following the accident, he began using robotic copies of himself to make public appearances whenever he really needs to cuz he thinks with how he is now he's no longer presentable in a way

and also cuz his paranoia and anxiety is so high he genuinely believes something horrible will happen to him or others as soon as he steps out of his factory that basically doubles as his home at this point due to him doing nothing but work all day

there are a few of these clones just

fucking around in his factory though, specifically in the underground facilities, that work as security

And also a way to bait people who do end up reaching the underground facilities looking to kill him or smth

also due to the nature of his prosthetics (and years of trial and error after the accident to improve them) hes kinda got a pseudo immortality thing going on where all this tech is basically gonna keep his body from failing

anyway he can keep adding more and more tech if something goes wrong

but then that makes him think about how disconnected he is from being human at this point

hes more metal than flesh and that makes him anxious

at what point is he just another one of his bots?

[bucknastysbabe]

I think you meant well but maybe you should just stop with the drama. Those anons talking about the ss and you posting your answer were more damaging for the ff author than whatever that person said cuz she never wrote any name. Also bringing to the mix whatever age they are is not cool, I’m in my thirties, married with a kid and feel like I shouldn’t be here by reading some of the anons you are posting and answering. Once again I think you meant well but there are times the best we can do is putting drama behind and ignoring people, that makes them more angry that giving them our time. It’s just a thought, I’m not taking sides or anything.

Thanks for the input. I’m friends with writers who have kids and are in their thirties. That’s not an issue for me. But when your frontal lobe is fully developed behaviors like this is strange. I’m trying not to mention age but yes I’ll tell the anons.

But I’m not stopping. Block button might be best for you.

[sakurastory]

In my 20s

I was invited to a house party yesterday, and we had a discussion about how things suddenly become clear when you turn 30, whereas everything is a blur in your 20s; some say it's because your frontal lobe fully develops, and others simply argue that you've experienced so much by the time you're 30 that you begin to feel the need to get your shit together. I turned 21 last year and am really confused about my life; I am not like the folks around me in their twenties.

After careful study, I discovered that most people in their twenties fall into two categories: those who are workaholics and are waiting to settle in life before having fun, and those who are exploiting their enthusiasm to the fullest with clubs and hookups. One thing I've learned is that being in one of these groups does not guarantee your success in life; it all relies on how you make things work for you.

Coming back to the 20s is a blur, and I completely agree with that. Some people blur their youth with substance, while others deal with work stress; no one knows what will happen next; even those who have plans are unsure of where they will end up; it's like walking a road without knowing how far or what your destination is, but you do it because it's better than standing around trying to figure out the way especially when people around you are not stopping.

It might be a high high or a low low. Being young and a college student is harder than being an earning adult; you must work hard but also go out to establish contacts, not post too much or too little information about yourself online, and perform whatever menial job you can to gain experience, with no guarantee that it will all pay off.

But this is all I think about until I turn 30.

[arunikanaya]

Signing off from my romantic life.

I couldn't remember the last time I did NOT have a crush ever since I reached my puberty and had my first crush. And also, I couldn't remember the last time I was NOT thinking about my true love may be just around the corner. That kind of life was a torture, I couldn't enjoy my life to the fullest.

At the age of 25, A realization came hit me like struck by a lightning that (thanks to my more-developed frontal lobe),

Damn, it's so tiring. I'm tired, I'm exhausted living a life so unfulfilled because of this matter.

I think my romantic life has always been passive since the first time I had a romantic feeling. There was never a guy who confessed to me. I never date my whole life.

Only Lord knows when my singleness will end, might end here in this lifetime or maybe in the hereafter. Who knows. Sounds so depressing, but I think I just have to accept the reality of life and the chances life offers, whether it's good or bad. I'll learn how to cope with that and get better in time.

And for the first time in my life, I'll be actively passive in my romantic life a.k.a. I will entirely shift my focus from my romantic life, at least for 1 year from now.

"Aren't you afraid that you might end up not having a partner at all?" They ask, including me. Here's my answer to that:

"What's the difference with my situation right now, I wonder? I have been living without a partner like... my whole life? It's nothing new. Things might be harder in the future as a lot of my friends and family have their own life to lead. But that's okay, I'll learn how to cope with that, like I've always been and will always be."

My plan is only to have one-year radical break from anything related to romantic love. I have reached a point of fatigue. I cannot do this any longer. I need rest. The idea of marrying someone, let alone the idea of having a crush on someone, really don't excite me at all. I just want to breath and live and exist without longing for a mere boy to love me. I can provide love and admiration for myself.

This is not permanent, it's only for a year. The rationale of this act is that I haven't fully healed from my previous heartbreaks (Never have I ever completely healed) and I kept on falling in love and now I am severely injured. I need a time out from romance. I need a time to heal. Even the slightest though of love is harmful from my healing. Therefore, I am choosing to be aromantic for one year from now.

Don't worry and don't mind me. I know myself. I fully understand that this is what I need.

So, here are several things I do to support my one-year break from romance :

I will not like anyone romantically (or I will try my best to not be in love)

I will no longer hope that love is around the corner.

I will not be actively looking for love.

I will not be allowing or accepting anyone to intrude my personal space.

I will stop thinking or daydreaming about my future lover

I will stop consuming any type of content that will lead to me hoping for love or romance (novels, stories, songs, video, etc).

I will live my life, do whatever the hell I want and fuck patriarchy. (All the times I spent on thinking about love will all be replaced with self-love, self-care, and self-actualization. I will focus on deepening my relationship with Allah, working on my work ethic + job + dreams, and doing things that make me happy, fulfilled, calm and grateful).

That's it. See you on December 21st, 2024!

[donnabroadway]

Double Standard

I know everyone is creaming themselves over the man who got uno reversed on custody. He asked for sole custody, after being an absentee father for nearly a year, and falling behind on child support and got it and now he's asking for her to be forced to parent, by social media, the courts, and the police and everyone is saying, "you asked for sole and you got sole." Many men, who I see request sole custody, either formally or informally by promising to take on the bulk of the parenting, end up regretting that decision. They either dump the kid on the grandma, their sister, another female family member, or whatever girlfriend or wife they happen to have at the time. I saw one man outline a plan for getting full custody that included "finding a good woman." Why do they need a good woman, might you ask. Because once he gets custody, he is going to need someone to take care of that baby and that someone is a "good woman." Many step mothers and girlfriends delude themselves into thinking he stepped it up and got full custody because she helped him see the light about how he was getting the short end of the stick, no it's because he didn't care before and now he has you to do the heavy work of parenting and doing the custody paperwork, so he's going to file for custody. That man had minimum custody because he wanted minimum custody. If he wanted more, he could have gotten it but this is not to dump on that man, as he's been dumped on enough.

The reason why this is so unique, is not just because the man has full custody after getting it to seemingly control her and the situation, it's that the responsibility of parenting has actually fallen to the other parent and not a grandparent, another family member, or the community. The majority of the time, if the mother is not the legal, physical guardian, the child is usually with a grandparent and not a father. Let's not pretend that women have not been walking away from their children since Adam and Eve. No matter how we try to paint it, many people have been reared by their grandparents with their parents only taking the lead once the child reaches adolescence or their frontal lobe develops. There are many people who have only experienced grandparenthood and never parenthood. There are a lot of people who had kids before they were truly ready and the responsibility fell on whoever would take it. What that man's baby mama did wasn't unique and I expect it to happen more now that abortion and contraceptions are increasingly becoming banned or frowned upon. It's noble to talk someone, who is not ready for the full responsibility of parenthood out of their options but what about when the baby is here and you need help and none is found. There was a story on TikTok where someone, who used to work at a pro life organization, realized how dangerous it truly was when a young woman he counseled came in frazzled and needed help and none was available. Babies cost and unless you're blessed with generational wealth, a good nest egg, or a wealthy, or comfortable spouse, you need to go to work to provide. They need food, clothing, shelter, not to mention, it's a 24/7, 365 job, even when they're adults. The $250 or $1200 in child support is not half of it, which is why so many men return their children and just go into arrears, drop the child off to whoever and the mother finds out years later, or find that "good woman" because most men, no matter how involved they say or think they are, it's not nearly as much as being a full time parent and they realize that real quick. That's also why a lot of step mothers are resentful because it's time and money that they don't see the value of, so it's either be a full time mom to a child you didn't birth or take money out of an already tight household. Let's also acknowledge that step mother is a fairly new role because many men would simply leave their families and children and start over and those kids would stay hidden well until adulthood or the obituary. It's only recently that men have to take financial responsibility for families they leave.

I can talk until I'm blue in the face about contraceptions and protecting your womb or your seed but too many people like raw sex and don't believe in birth control, which is why we are so reactive and not proactive about children. Birth control, condoms, or a vasectomy could have prevented all of this.

[arandombiped]

I gotchu fam

topic: adhd (from someone with a late diagnosis)

adhd (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) is a type of neurological development that causes a person difficulty regulating their executive functions like attention, emotional regulation, motivation, and self-regulation.

There are three main ways that adhd can present:

Hyperactive presentation- This is what people typically think of when they hear about adhd. An ADHDer with this presentation might be talking a lot, fidgeting, and feeling very restless. Some with this presentation may move around a lot, even if it’s not the most appropriate time to do so (in a meeting, in a class, etc). This presentation usually has a lot of external symptoms and expressions.

Inattentive presentation- The symptoms of adhd are more internalized, which makes things like organization, staying on task, and focusing on one thing very hard. It includes a lot of spacing out and getting lost in thought. This expression of adhd is more common in those socialized as girls, mostly because they were expected to act more “mature” at a much younger age, and more hyperactive symptoms were internalized or repressed. For me specifically (since this is how my adhd presents), it feels like my thoughts are more hyperactive than my body is, like i have a swarm of thoughts all happening at once. I fidget to get an outlet for my restless brain.

Combined- ADHDers with both hyperactive and inattentive presentation.

most adhders struggle with a lot of impulsivity because their brain defaults to doing whatever will give them the most dopamine NOW. The motivation/reward system in the brains of adhders doesn’t give as much serotonin (reward) for doing mundane tasks, so they often end up avoiding or putting off said tasks until it’s dire. Motivation is pretty much the same, where it takes a whole lot more energy to start a task than it does our neurotypical counterparts. Many have to find ways to trigger or jumpstart their motivation externally. I listen to music a lot while I do chores and homework because it tricks my brain into giving me enough dopamine to start. It’s not 100% certain that it will work, and some chores and assignments take way more energy than I even have in a given day.

many who struggle with starting tasks, even when they’re important, have experienced adhd paralysis. this happens when an ADHDer doesn’t have enough energy to start a task, but also knows they need to complete it, so they get stuck in a loop of “I can’t do this right now because I need rest” and “I cannot rest until Task Complete”

one of the things that I mentioned earlier was emotional regulation. This is something that can be really hard on an ADHDer because the frontal lobe (executive function center) is what regulates our thoughts, feelings and actions, but it develops more slowly in adhd brains. This often leads to a hard time with emotions, and explains the rate of mental health issues in those who have adhd (which is about 60-80%). I personally don’t have any diagnosed mental health issues, but I struggle a lot with anxiety and sadness because it feels so overwhelming in the moment.

A good way to combat this for me has been Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It taught me how to manage my own thoughts, refocus on a more realistic perspective by combating and addressing negative thoughts. The therapist I worked with taught me how to break down negative thoughts into a perspective I had of reality, for example, the thought “what if I never find someone who cares about me” finds its roots in a core belief, such as “I don’t deserve love.” From there, the root problem can be addressed. With enough practice, this process becomes automatic and can really help.

INFODUMP OVER

Can someone give me an ungodly amount of information on a random subject?

[ficbitxc]

Trapped With You

Chapter 4  I  Chapter 3   I  Chapter 5  I  masterlist

This is a criminal Minds series I’m making about falling in love with Spencer Reid.

summary: They go back to Mae’s apartment and stuff happens ;)

word count: 1866

warnings: smut, oral (Male on female), maybe a little bit of fluff

Authors Note: Also this is my first time ever writing smut I’m really sorry if it sucks. Also I changed the name a little bit, it just makes more sense this way.

     As I turned into the driveway of my apartment complex, I looked through my rear view mirrors, checking to see if Spencer had pulled in yet. I lost him a few blocks back. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it last time I was in a car with him, but he drives like an old man. I guess I was too distracted by him next to me to notice last time.      With him a few minutes behind me, I ran to my floor. My house wasn’t a mess, but there were for sure a few things I didn’t want him to see on a first date. As I trekked through my apartment, grabbing dirty underwear and socks that were spread across my floor, the doorbell went off. I cursed under my breath before throwing everything into my hamper and running to the door, opening it.      “Come in,” I said, throwing my arm to the side to show him my apartment was open to him. He took one step in and looked back at me.      “Is there anything you want me to do with my shoes?” He said meekly. I giggled at him.      “You can take them off here if you want, i'm not strict about them.” With that he nodded and crouched to untie his shoes before pulling them off, revealing one pink sock and one that was black with white polka dots.      “Nice socks,” I joked.      “I can never find matches after I put them through the wash, so mitch match socks sort of became my thing,” He explained.      “So your genius is enough to actually be a genius, but not to organize your socks?” I chuckled.      “No one can make me wear matching socks, ever.”      “Okay! Sorry Mr. sock man. Anyways, do you want wine or ice cream or something. We can watch a movie, if you want.”    “I actually don’t like wine or alcohol, but what flavors of ice cream do you have?”      “What? How come you don’t like alcohol. And I’m pretty sure Neapolitan.” His face faltered for a second, like he was thinking before he answered.      “I’ve just had… bad experiences. But, I will eat your ice cream if you just pick out just the strawberry parts for me.”      “What is it, sock man, now strawberry man? We’re gonna have to start a notes app for all your nicknames,” I giggled. Spencer's face stayed completely straight, though.       “A notes app?” he questioned.      “What are you 80?” I joked as I walked into my kitchen to grab two bowls. His eyes wandered around my apartment taking in every piece of furniture and knick knack I had. I wondered if he was secretly profiling me, but I didn’t ask.      “ I just like to stick to the old fashioned way of thinking, you know. And I’m actually only 30. I don’t think I ever got your age, Mae.”      “18,” I said. His eyes widened so far I could almost see my reflection.      “I should get going, now actually, thanks for the nice night,” He said as he put his hands in his pockets and started walking towards the door. I grabbed his forearm and laughed.      “I'm only kidding, Spencer. You think I could start a whole business at 18? I’m 26.” He let out a breath that I hadn’t noticed he’d been holding.      “That was not funny Mae!”      “It was a little funny,” I said, pulling him closer to me. We were only a foot away from each other, every inch of it filled with electricity. He looked at me and started to ramble something about how the frontal lobe isn’t developed until you're 25. I couldn’t care less, though. The only thing on my mind was his lips on mine. I decided to stop thinking about it and just go for it.      In the middle of his words, I pressed my lips to his quickly, then pulled away to see his reaction. His mouth stood wide open and he had a confused look on his face. I was about to apologize until he unexpectedly pulled me back in. The electricity from before, now pumping in my veins. I pulled back a second to take a breath.      “So is that a no on the ice cream, then?” He asked.      “I was thinking about a different type of desert,” I replied, “One typically found in my bedroom.” His eyes darkened with lust.      “I think that’s a great idea,” He answered, taking my hand and looking around my apartment to see if he could figure out where my bedroom was. He started walking towards it’s open door. Once we got inside of my room, I pushed him against the wall, pulling him into another kiss. My tongue swiped across his bottom lip as we began to battle for dominance.      I pushed my hand onto his growing bulge unexpectedly, causing him to gasp a little. I pushed my tongue into his mouth in his distracted state. He pulled away slightly.      “I want more,” He begged, “I want you.” With that I undid his belt, throwing it across the room and pulling down his zipper, while we still kissed. As I did that, his hands wandered down to my skirt where he unbuttoned it, making it fall to the ground in a pool around my feet. I quickly took off my sweater, throwing it in the same direction as his belt. As I unbuttoned his shirt, he started sucking on my neck, finding the sweet spot behind my ear.      “You smell so good baby,” He whispered into my ear. My eyes rolled back slightly as I fumbled with the last button. With swiftness I turned and pushed him into my bed.      “I’m going to pay you back for these marks you gave me.” He smiled, ready for what was about to happen. I kissed down his body, starting at his neck, sometimes stopping to suck on him. As I got to his thighs, I made sure to suck on the inner parts. It drove Spencer wild. As I did that , I massaged his bulge through his boxers. His cock twitched at every touch.      “Stop teasing me” He growled. That was all I needed to hear. I swiftly pulled his boxers down and threw them behind me, stopping to stare at him. He was possibly the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Others might say he was too skinny, etc. but to me he was perfect, carved out by the gods, just to send him to me.      My staring made him impatient and he tackled me back onto the bed, pulling my hands above my head. With one hand he kept my hands above me, and with the other and started massaging me through my underwear. I moaned, my eyes wanting to roll back, but I looked him in the eyes. Spencer let go of my hand above my head and used both to roll my underwear down my legs, then to unclasp my bra and throw it behind him.       Copying my antics from before, he looked me up and down, licking his lips. My face burned a little and I started to move my arms to cover myself up. Before I could, though, Spencer stopped me, pushing my arms back above my head.      “You’re beautiful. You never have to cover yourself up with me,” He reassured me. Soon he found his way between my thighs. His tongue swept through my folds and I moaned his name, throwing my head back in pleasure. As he sucked and licked at my clit, I felt the need to grab onto something. My fingers found his hair and I pulled it.      I gasped as he pushed two fingers into me, curling them at the tips. He found my sweet spot almost immediately, focusing his pressure on it while still sucking on my clit. A familiar bubble formed in my stomach as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of me.      “I’m gon- I’m gonna come,” I moaned, my fingers still entangled in his hair.      “Come for me,” Spencer whispered. I could feel his breath as he spoke. Those words were all I needed to hear. My orgasm came rolling through me like a wave, Spencer still using his mouth on me as I called his name, cleaning up my arousal.       Once my orgasm finished I layed there as Spencer came up to my face, kissing me. Usually the taste of myself would make me cringe, but with Spencer it just turned me on even more. Anything with him was 100x better.      “I want you inside of me, doctor. Fuck me,” I whispered into his ear. His eyes darkened at the pet name I gave him.I could tell it drove him crazy.      “Whatever you want, baby.” He said kissing me again, before spreading my legs. With his fingers he took some of my arousal, rubbing himself, before lining up with my entrance. He teased me by rubbing against my folds.      “Doctor, Stop teas-” He pushed himself into me and we both moaned together.          “You’re so tight, baby, I’m not gonna last long,” He said pounding into me. Truthfully I wasn’t close at all, but I already got a release today. And it wasn’t like he still didn’t feel amazing, hitting me in all the right spots.       “Come for me, doctor. I want you to lose control, fucking me so hard I won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” I moaned. He faltered for a second before pounding into me, his strides getting messy as he came closer to his climax. With pleasure coursing through my veins, I couldn’t do anything but hold on. My hands scrunched the bed sheets. All you could hear in my room is skin on skin and our moans.      “I’m gonna come, baby,” He moaned, pulling out of me and jerking himself off, before coming all over my stomach, his warm seed getting all over me. I felt empty without him inside of me.      He collapsed next to me on my bed, both of us just laying there for a while, not knowing what to say. I was fine with it, though. Even awkward silence with Spencer was better than the silence living alone gave me. And what happened before the silence made up for it all.      “How about a shower?” He finally said, breaking the silence.      “Add round two and you got it,” I joked.      "I'm always up for round two," He giggled picking me up and bring me to my bathtub, leaving my body cold as he let go of me.      The rest of the night, I savored every piece of time we had together, even laying in bed feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. The soft sounds of him breathing felt like a lullaby swaying me to sleep. I kept thinking of what would happen tomorrow, dreading Spencer leaving. I kept having to remind myself that this wasn't a one night stand. I had forever to make him fall in love with me and the knowledge of that was enough to help me fall asleep on his chest, dreaming of a love I hoped I would get.

[musicprincess655]

Ryuu wakes up a week after his twenty-fifth birthday with a fully formed frontal lobe, the remnants of dream that didn’t even have the decency to be wet, and an unfortunate realization.

“Gin.”

She’s already up, of course, sipping at a coffee, but then, she’s always been the more functional one. Ryuu would argue that it’s because she’s younger and therefore spent less time in the slums before their lives found some stability in the Port Mafia. Gin would argue that it’s because Chuuya raised her instead of Dazai.

“I believe I may have…feelings…for Jinko.”

She doesn’t look suitably impressed by the earth-shattering news.

“Do you want a regular cake or a cupcake tower at the wedding?”

Ryuu is so shocked by her lack of shock that he actually answers.

“Cupcake tower.” He shakes his head. “Did you hear me? I have feelings for Jinko.”

“It’s kind of too late to go back to calling him Jinko when you’ve been calling him by his real name for over a year.”

“I have feelings for-!”

“I heard you the first two times!”

“Then tell me what I’m supposed to do!”

“I don’t know!” she snaps, although she sounds more exasperated than mad. “Woo him? Marry him? Bear his weird tiger babies?”

“That’s physically impossible. Also, no?”

“I don’t know what you want here,” she says. “General dating advice wouldn’t work on you two.”

“Dating?!”

“Fucking hell.” She sounds so frustrated that Ryuu is sure she’s about to throw a knife at him just to get him to shut up. “Try talking to him.”

“No.”

“Then eat shit and die!”

Ryuu isn’t quite sure who else to ask for help. He almost goes to Chuuya, but considering Chuuya’s – arrangement? Relationship? – with Dazai, Ryuu thinks that might actually make everything worse. Whatever those two are doing, he doesn’t think it’ll work for anyone else.

So he takes the second option presented to him: he shoves those feelings right back where they belong and forgets they ever existed. Or tries to.

See, Ryuu is good at anger. He recognizes it in himself, knows now how to ramp it down or let it take him as necessary, knows how to use it, TED talk to follow. What is he supposed to do with something so much softer?

It should be easy to ignore. But like an amorphous block, the soft edges of the feelings squeeze out no matter where he tries to shove them down.

Ryuu doesn’t think Atsushi has noticed anything is off. He’s sure Atsushi would have said something by now otherwise. As an adult, Atsushi has all the observation skills of a detective and none of the reticence for sharing his observations that he used to. The new confidence is annoying, and has led to annoying things like Ryuu being forced to buy Atsushi food all the time, and in general, Atsushi is somehow more annoying than when he went running scared from Ryuu’s every glare.

And Ryuu has feelings for him anyway. His taste leaves much to be desired, and he needs to come up with some synonyms for annoying.

This systematic denial works for all of two weeks, and Ryuu is ready to celebrate the success of creating a new normal so seamlessly that Atsushi hasn’t even noticed they have a new normal, when it all goes to shit.

They don’t have quite as many people to beat into the ground to protect Yokohama as they did when they started their partnership, but every so often, a new group thinks it’s a good idea to disturb the peace. Ryuu and Atsushi, for their efficiency alone, are the best choice for dealing with it.

Some syndicate from Europe seems to think they have the right to expand into the Asian market, and they’ve set their eyes on the port of Yokohama for their first step in. They don’t have nearly the same aversion to city-wide destruction that the Port Mafia do, which makes this the Armed Detective Agency’s problem too, and, consequently, Ryuu and Atsushi’s problem. They’re in charge of stopping and containing a Gifted vanguard while the combined strategic might of Dazai and Mori deal with the rest of the syndicate.

It’s a tough fight, but Ryuu gets to let loose and use his Ability to the fullest. His deal with Atsushi to not kill is long since over, but he developed habits during those six months that he hasn’t bothered to shake, and the fight isn’t the bloodbath it could be. Still, when the last person raises their hands in surrender, Ryuu is almost gasping for breath. He may have learned to work smarter instead of harder, but working smarter is hard on him in its own way.

“Good work today,” Atsushi says, wiping blood from an already-healed cut off his mouth. Even after all this time, the praise still sends a thrill down Ryuu’s spine.

Then Atsushi lifts his head, and his eye are so wide, and he looks so happy, smiling without reservation at Ryuu, and Ryuu doesn’t know what his face does, but it must be pretty spectacular because Atsushi’s smile fades.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine,” Ryuu says, turning on his heel to get away from Atsushi and the emotions he wears so openly. He needs to find a bar, one Atsushi won’t follow him to, and he doesn’t stop to consider the implications of skipping their post-mission dinner arrangement for the first time in years.

When Chuuya finds him, he’s getting systematically drunk.

Which, granted, doesn’t take much, He’s always been a bit of a lightweight, probably due to how severely underweight he’s been for most of his life. That’s not quite the problem it used to be, and one shot isn’t enough to take him out at the knees anymore, but he doesn’t even have to use his fancy mafia paycheck to get well and truly plastered.

“So I know I’m about to sound like a hypocrite, but it’s barely five,” Chuuya says, and while his words are chiding, his tone isn’t. Ryuu is still working on reading people’s intentions, but Chuuya has never been hard. He’s worried. “Wanna talk?”

“Stupid fucking Jinko and his stupid fucking doe eyes,” Ryuu mutters before he can stop himself. He’s had six shots. He wishes he had a better excuse.

“Oh, so it’s that kind of drinking,” Chuuya sighs. He raises his hand to catch the bartender’s attention, elegant and confident in one motion. “Whiskey for me. Water for him.”

“I’m fine.”

“Akutagawa.”

Chuuya rests his hand on Ryuu’s head, and Ryuu is almost ashamed of the way he leans into the touch immediately. Despite all the jokes even he himself makes, he’s not a dog. Still, to have someone touch him without even the intention of hurting him…it’s nice. It’s uncommon. It’s, perhaps, something that shouldn’t be so uncommon from a superior.

He’s so drunk.

“Do you want my advice?” Chuuya asks after the bartender sets both of their drinks down and Ryuu throws back half the tall glass of water.

Ryuu is silent for just a beat too long.

“Kid,” Chuuya sighs again, not angry or even exasperated, as is more common with him and Ryuu recently. He sounds faintly amused. “I know we’ve talked about this. You’re allowed to say no to me.”

“It’s not…” Ryuu tries. “I just…” He has to parse it into words, the fact that after Gin, Chuuya was the first he thought to turn to, and why he didn’t in the end. “I don’t know if I, necessarily, want the answer I think you’ll give me.”

“What answer do you think I’ll give you?” Chuuya asks. His hand is still on Ryuu’s head, pulling until Ryuu is very nearly tucked into his shoulder.

“Two options,” Ryuu says. “Something I can’t use, or something I won’t want to.”

“Ah.” Chuuya takes a sip of his whiskey. “You know I’ve had relationships with people other than Dazai, right?”

“That’s where the something I can’t use comes from.”

“So my relationship with Dazai is too fucked up, but all my other relationships are too normal?” Chuuya asks, summing it up entirely too well.

“I don’t think I can do normal,” Ryuu says. “I’m pretty sure he can’t either.”

“I can’t tell you how to fix that,” Chuuya admits. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be where I am. Which isn’t a complaint, by the way. I’m happy. But I’ll admit parts of my life are less than functional, and that’s down to choices I’ve made. That being said…” he gives Ryuu’s hair a little tug until Ryuu is truly resting on his shoulder, head momentarily stopped from spinning, “…I doubt Nakajima would kick you out of his life for anything at this point.”

“You think I should talk to him too,” Ryuu says.

“Gin’s smarter than you give her credit for.”

“She told you about this?”

“I just know she’s the only other person you’d tell about this,” Chuuya says. “You’re not actually that complicated.”

“I talk to Higuchi about stuff,” Ryuu pouts. He won’t admit he’s pouting.

“You’re not cruel to her anymore,” Chuuya says. “So no, I don’t think you would’ve told her about this.”

“I want another shot.”

“You should probably be done for the night,” Chuuya advises. “Listen. I don’t know how this is gonna shake out. I don’t know Nakajima well enough to guess what he’ll do. But I do know you, and I can tell you that you’re gonna be okay.”

“You think?”

“I think it would take another city-destroying disaster for you to not be okay,” Chuuya says. “And that wasn’t an invitation. I’m enjoying the peace. It’s good for business.” His phone chimes. “Your ride is here, and you’re cut off.”

“You called a car?”

“Like I said,” Chuuya says, getting to his feet, “I know you.”

Having a superior care so openly about him is still a bit of a new experience, and rather than try to examine anything Chuuya said, Ryuu just collapses into bed when the driver drops him off, hoping he’ll just forget everything by the morning. He doesn’t, of course, because that would be too easy.

Things were fine between him and Atsushi before, but suddenly, there’s a new tension. Ryuu panics, convinced Atsushi knows, but after a day of careful observation, he’s almost positive that Atsushi actually doesn’t. Atsushi isn’t shying away from the parts of their alliance that Ryuu, a few years ago, had reluctantly labelled as friendship. He doesn’t have a problem with their casual conversation, and their shared food arrangements have picked up again without so much as a mention of one missed.

In fact, the only thing that has changed is actually something Ryuu’s seen before, just not in years.

They’re friends now. Beyond just tolerating his presence, Ryuu does like having Atsushi around. He even has these new mushy feelings that make him a little sick to his stomach if he thinks about them too hard. But none of that changes the fact that sometimes, Atsushi annoys the ever-loving fuck out of him.

Snapping at Atsushi usually only gets Ryuu an eye roll now, or sometimes a shut up if he says something particularly spiteful, but ever since Ryuu bailed on dinner, every time he snaps at Atsushi, instead of the customary dismissal, Ryuu gets a flinch like he used to when they first started working together.

And seriously, what the fuck? He knows Atsushi isn’t scared of him anymore. For one thing, they’ve proven a few times that Atsushi can beat him into the ground if he wants. For another, Ryuu has calmed down a bit and Atsushi has stuck around enough to figure out how to exist in the same space without killing each other. They haven’t had a serious fight in years.

Ryuu can’t figure out what Atsushi’s sudden problem is, and doubly can’t figure out why it would’ve started after he skipped buying Atsushi food once. It’s almost enough to push the mush feelings that started this whole mess to a backburner, only surfacing when Ryuu’s eyes linger too long on the clean, lithe lines of Atsushi’s body, and he knows he’s not the only one who stares, anyway.

And then a new group surfaces. A remnant faction of the Guild that has apparently spent the better part of five years biding their time and preparing to take revenge on both the Port Mafia and the ADA. Since Ryuu and Atsushi were the ones to take down Fitzgerald, the faction prepared the most for them. From the beginning of an attack they only had the slightest warning for, Ryuu and Atsushi are methodically separated from everyone else.

They’re losing. Badly. Ryuu doesn’t know where any allies are except for Atsushi, and then only because Rashomon still has a tendril on him. Blood pours down his leg from a shot above his knee, and Ryuu resists the urge to favor the leg in case he has to run again. He ducks into an alley and slides down the wall, trying to catch his breath, get his bearings. He hasn’t had to legitimately fight for survival in a long time, and though his life has made him no stranger to pain, he’s not as young as he used to be, and his body protests when Ryuu tries to demand movement from it.

“Aku.”

It seems Atsushi has found him. Ryuu doesn’t even bother to snap at him for the nickname. Atsushi picked up the habit a few years back, saying Ryuu’s name was too long for him to yell, and Ryuu has begrudgingly gotten used to it, only putting up token protests now. He hurts too much for those, though.

“We have to get clear,” Ryuu tells him.

He heard some distant explosions he’d bet his coat are Chuuya, and where they find Chuuya, they’ll find the Black Lizard – they’ll find Gin – and they’ll find Dazai, or at least Dazai’s mind, talking through an earpiece and entirely out of the fight, safe where he’s most effective. Those allies would be enough to turn the tide, if only Ryuu had any damn clue how they could get clear.

“I have an idea,” Atsushi says.

“That is not your area,” Ryuu counters. He can’t help himself. Everything hurts.

“I know you’re mad at me, but trust me on this,” Atsushi pleads.

“I’m not…” Ryuu is so taken aback he needs a second to organize a response. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Generally speaking, he’s almost never mad at Atsushi anymore. If he is’ it’s a fleeting anger, gone as soon as he recognizes it. He has no clue why Atsushi might think he’s angry enough to revert their relationship back five years.

“Because you skipped dinner, and you made this face…” Atsushi trails off, and Ryuu…

His taste leaves so much to be desired. Atsushi is an idiot, all personal growth aside, and Ryuu realizes, with a degree of horror, that he feels something very close to fond.

“That’s not why,” he says, voice gruff, and he’s once again lost control of his face. Atsushi searches his eyes, and Ryuu sees the moment the truth dawns on him.

“Are you…?”

“You said you had an idea?” Ryuu interrupts. He keeps his eyes off Atsushi’s face.

“I do,” Atsushi says. “I need all of Rashomon.”

Ryuu instinctively holds his Ability closer. He’d given all of her to Atsushi earlier, a standard play when they’re in an all-out fight, but it only works when Atsushi takes all the hits. After he got shot in the leg, he pulled part of her back.

“Do you think you can hold onto me?” Atsushi asks.

“Why?”

“I won’t be able to hold onto you.”

“You’re going to get us both killed,” Ryuu accuses without heat. He can already feel himself relenting.

“Trust me,” Atsushi begs.

Ryuu does.

“I guess another trip with the world’s worst Uber driver isn’t the worst way to go,” Ryuu sighs.

Atsushi crouches in front of him, hands careful on Ryuu’s leg as he clambers onto Atsushi’s back. It aches, but Ryuu holds with both his arms and hopes for the best.

“Use Rashomon to amplify the jump,” Atsushi tells him. “And leave me plenty of slack.”

“Slack…why?” Ryuu asks, but Atsushi is already gone under his hands, replaced with a tiger. “Oh.”

Atsushi’s muscles bunch, and that’s all the warning Ryuu gets before they take off into the sky.

The tiger can’t fly, but the jump is so powerful, especially with the added strength of Rashomon, that it feels like a near thing. They soar above the building they’d been sheltered behind, over the heads of their enemies, and by the time anyone thinks to attack, it’s already too late.

“East,” Ryuu shouts above the wind. With the new vantage point he can get a better idea of where Chuuya is. Atsushi can’t answer him, of course, but he obeys anyway, touching down and running towards the explosions. They’re almost to relative safety when a strike from the side sends them both sprawling.

An Ability user approaches them, hands crackling with something obviously dangerous. Ryuu doesn’t stop to think. He just attacks, Rashomon rushing the man in furious tendrils. He pulls back at the last minute, and when the dust clears, the man is unconscious and full of holes, but still breathing.

Ryuu is just turning to see if he needs to pull emergency first aid skills out of his ass when he gets an armful of re-humanized Atsushi and a pair of lips hitting his own like a punch. He doesn’t even have time to respond to the kiss before Atsushi shoves him back by the shoulders.

“Wait, shit!”

Atsushi regrets the kiss. Atsushi regrets him.

Ryuu’s hand twitches towards the phone in his pocket. He can leave this all behind and start a new life. In Iceland. He can use the Duolingo app Chuuya made him download to learn the language. He’ll herd sheep. He’ll change his name to Sven.

“I was supposed to ask for consent first!”

“What?” Ryuu – Sven – asks.

“I’m supposed to ask for consent before I kiss you!”

This doesn’t…feel like rejection. Sven – Ryuu – takes his thumb off the Duolingo app.

“You’ve been thinking about kissing me?” he asks.

“I was…I mean…” Atsushi flushes red. “For a while now? I never thought you’d want me to, but then you did, and…”

Leave it to Atsushi to charge right through all the hesitancy Ryuu’s been feeling. He always has been the kind to leap before he looks.

In a better world, they’d have time to let this play out like a shoujo manga, time for them to gaze into each other’s eyes, time to work up to a kiss much softer and slower, something a first kiss deserves to be.

But it’s not a better world, and they’re still not safe, but they’re close enough to allies that they can make a run for it.

“We have to get out of here,” Ryuu says. He can already hear enemies approaching. Atsushi lets go of his shoulders, and they both start running, Ryuu limping on his bad leg. “And Atsushi?”

“Hm?”

“Buy me dinner first.”

Ryuu doesn’t watch Atsushi take that for the consent it is, but he knows the message is received when Atsushi reaches out to squeeze his hand as they run, letting it drop so they can move faster. They’ll probably have to talk this out when they’re safe, because Gin is right; they need to talk. But now they both know it’s not one-sided, and it’s as good a starting place as any.

In spite of the pain in his leg and his lungs, in spite of the danger they’re still in, Ryuu can’t help the grin that spreads across his face as he runs, Atsushi by his side.