#Mianmian is having Thoughts

[cross-d-a]

too tired to write too tired to read but I’m nOT too tired to daydream about a new fic au..,,,,,..,.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Call that a Cave Story.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[lgbtlunaverse]

I feel like too often people frame Nie Mingjue's issues as ignorance borne from safety. Like, they think that because of his privilege as a sect leader he doesn't know what it's like to be in danger and forced to make hard choices to survive. And I disagree. Strongly.

First of all, Nie Mingjue is very familiar with death not only from war but from. You know. Actively dying since the age of fourteen. Let us not forget Nie Mingjue is dead! Super dead! And maybe he didn't die the exact way he expected to but he did, absolutely, know he was going to die. To act like Nie Mingjue is unfamiliar with the scenario of "do something you find morally reprehensible or die" is to ignore that he has been living that exact scenario and chose death.

Nie Mingjue knows death is a risk for someone like Jin guangyao, in fact he explicitly acknowledges it even in his worst moments like the stairs in chapter 49. Had his issue been ignorance, then he would've responded to Jin Guangyao saying that he's in danger and has to sacrifice others for his own safety with "No you aren't you'll be fine." But he doesn't. He accepts the fact that jgy is in danger with no qualms and says: then you should die.

That's not him betraying his values, those are his values. He is, essentially, pro-suicide. Jgy is like hey I have a moral dilemma what should I do and nmj straight up goes "Kill yourself" and earlier that same chapter when he was faced with a moral dilemma he went "I'm gonna kill myself." He believes the solution to moral dilemmas is suicide! He is extremely consistent about this! When it's pointed out to him that it would have been dangerous for Wen Qing to oppose Wen Ruohan it doesn't phase him because he thinks putting yourself at risk to do the right thing is the only moral choice. The idea that he can only hold this belief because he is himself somehow not in danger, again, requires you to ignore that he is dying the whole time. And it doesn't deter him. He is the idea of self-sacrifice as a moral good taken to its absolute logical extreme. Someone who is ready to die and demands the same from everyone else.

It makes him a very fun case study for fandom, because a lot of fandom spaces also tend to revere self-sacrifice as the ultimate good, and yet we get very uncomfortable when someone starts demanding it of characters we love. Like woah, hold on, that's a bit too far isn't it? Only we the audience get to do that!

[mxtxfanatic]

Random Thought #33: Idk how to say this without sounding like I’m tryna diminish Jin Zixuan’s one moment of unambiguous good, but I don’t think Jin Zixuan defending Mianmian would ever have happened if he had to do something more proactive than just…ignoring the words of a man he had been building a simmering hatred for over the course of a few weeks.

Jin Zixuan is shown (and explicitly said) to side with people he considers “his people.” While they are all hostages of the Wen during the indoctrination camp, outside of that shared victimhood, Mianmian is simply a stranger to Jin Zixuan, while his “defense” of her is simply refusing to move out of the way when Wen Chao—the man who had been targeting him for harassment every day for weeks on end—ordered him to. This is a very passive resistance. And not to say that this wasn’t a good deed or any less of a powerful moment, but if Wen Chao hadn’t singled out Jin Zixuan for bullying, would he have still ignored the former’s words to move out of the way? If Jin Zixuan hadn’t happened to be standing by Lan Wangji and Mianmian hid behind only the Lan, instead, would he have said anything in her defense? Would he have even physically moved to shield her? Is any of that in-character with the behavior we are shown of his throughout any of the rest of the novel?

[yudidoodles]

Sooooo I may have made an entire animatic in 3 days,,, I haven't done art in forever so apparently I needed 78 drawings all in a row

I'm editing it to post later (prolly in a couple days), but in the meantime the little thumbnail designs are so goofy I wanted to share themb

[dual-domination]

@tazzy-ace Now imagine if Gui Mian had the chance to meet *our* Cheng Xinyan. Shen Wei's protective best friend. Shen Wei's protective older sister, actually (she doesn't accept less).

Gui Mian, powerful ancient entity, indifferent to the affairs of mortals, would finally understand the statement "I have 1 fear"

[coresurgery]

after some thought I've decided that the mdzs "contractually obligated f/f ship with no canon backing bc women aren't allowed to talk to each other" that I'm most into is jiang yanli/mianmian

I guess it's cheating a bit because I think jiang yanli/jin zixuan/mianmian could also be a REALLY interesting throuple, and wwx is so oblivious that it could technically be canon too lmao

[khattikeri]

one of my favorite things about mdzs is that for how heavily its plot involves politics of classism and misogyny... even the characters most directly impacted by it can't and don't free themselves from it. literally the closest exception is mianmian.

meng yao being the "son of a whore" wasn't some sort of commie awakening for him that led him to wanting everyone to be socially equal. he played the political game, climbed the ladders, sucked up to and backstabbed and murdered people, including other prostitutes who actually had nothing to do with how he and his mother were treated at the brothel he grew up in.

he put in so much extra excessive effort for even a fraction of the same respect that members of gentry cultivation clans got. and he did deserve to be treated more humanely! but he feeds into the exact same system that created him, leading to his own undoing.

his efforts were for a fragile upward mobility that was never going to hold up. he never surpassed his origins nor did he empower others in similar stations, because the society he lives in is not one that would accept that.

the second he got caught and all those crimes exposed, he was scapegoated to hell and back, replacing wei wuxian as society's terrible one-sidedly evil boogeyman overnight.

speaking of not-quite male gentry, i think it's interesting that wei wuxian explicitly doesn't try to climb the ladders in BOTH lives, knowing full well that anything he does will be punished just for the sheer fact that he is wei wuxian.

wei wuxian is scolded for giving intelligent and correct answers in school. lan wangji does the same and is praised.

wei wuxian occasionally lounges around with fellow disciples and is punished. jiang cheng does the same and mostly escapes.

wei wuxian refuses to carry his sword around in public (after losing his golden core, which nobody knows) and is scorned as an arrogant upstart. nie huaisang has been doing the EXACT SAME THING for YEARS and nobody bats an eye.

unlike jin guangyao, wei wuxian knew subconsciously from the start that his acceptance was superficial and that he could be cast out any time. when he was 10 and recently taken in by the jiangs, he canonically would not eat or use "too much" food and water because he thought they'd find him a nuisance for "wasting their things" and kick him back out.

now away from just the classism, yu ziyuan is a proud and strong noblewoman in a society that belittles and derides women for everything they do. her strong cultivation doesn't matter. she's victim to the vicious rumors of her husband loving another woman who is strong like her but apparently had a more likeable personality.

it doesn't matter even if jiang fengmian didn't cheat or that wei wuxian is wei changze's son with cangse sanren; yu ziyuan can't bear with the humiliation of herself (and by extension her children) not being "good enough". she's ridiculed for "failing" in that one duty as a wife, mother, and woman.

she lashes out and takes out that anger on everyone present for years, giving her children lasting trauma and also being a key element in how the jiang family and yunmeng jiang sect are effectively wiped out at the hands of the wen clan.

madam jin doesn't even have a name outside of the fact that she's married to jin guangshan. i don't even remember reading anything that indicates if she's a strong or weak cultivator, or what, which in itself proves that to most people, it doesn't matter. she's "just" a woman.

of course she's angry at her husband's affairs and all the bastard children they bring in. but she also can't do anything about them, so she lashes out at the few people she can: servants. non-cultivators, probably. those very same bastard children.

shoutout to meng yao getting shoved down a flight of stairs at age fourteen, because if madam jin tried that move against her husband instead, it would make her lose even more face, which as a noblewoman she'd never do.

and that's not getting into how jiang yanli is consistently sidelined for being physically weak.

that's not getting into how mianmian was actually a good cultivator, but was mocked by everyone around her for trying to stand up for wei wuxian when everyone was turning on him. how everyone scoffed at luo qingyang's words as "just some lovesick woman" who "obviously wants to marry or bed him since he saved her".

luo qingyang is the only one of these characters who HASN'T died. she didn't play society's games like jin guangyao. she didn't dig her heels in confidence of her own abilities like wei wuxian.

she didn't bitterly lash out like yu ziyuan and madam jin. she didn't gently accept it like jiang yanli.

she just LEFT.

she married an ordinary merchant and cultivates separately from mainstream cultivation society, and therein found her own peace and happiness.

mxtx doesn't bother with particularly class conscious or feminist vocabulary to hand-hold readers into understanding these disparities, but that choice highlights them & the deeply entrenched politics of their society even more. i really love it.

[allpiesforourown]

My random confession for scum villian is that I thought women would be more prevalent. Then uh I also thought devil venerable would have less women.

I just love women.

I LOOOVE the women in devil venerable also I think baili Qingmiao and Qiu Congxue should fuck like crazy

And dont get me wrong... I love mxtx from the bottom of my heart but oh my God the women in her novels are criminally irrelevant 😭 it was so painful to read mdzs after svsss because like

Mxtx writing men: this is shen jiu, he abuses an orphan because he has a hidden past full of trauma and slavery and seeing young children with the opportunity to learn and cultivate themselves is a slap in the face to someone who lost his potential due to circumstances outside his control and he's so full of rage he can only repeat the cycle of abuse

Mxtx writing women: this is madame yu she abuses an orphan because she's jealous her husband likes his dead mother more than her

This isn't even going into the fact that Mianmian is the only female character in mdzs that doesn't die and the only reason we know she's alive is because we see her for like two pages in the extras

Mxtx... Ma'am... I love you but please.. its painful watching you write men so perplex and full of depth and then get one dimensional women 😭

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

For all the very self-sacrificial Wei Wuxian takes out there, I think they may actually fit Lan Wangji more?

…Before you disagree, there’s a big caveat to this – I don’t think these takes fit either of them well. But it’s interesting to compare their default responses to situations. Both want to help others – but whereas Wei Wuxian’s first instinct is to redirect (redirecting attacks to other targets, redirecting enemies’ attention to distract them, etc), Lan Wangji is much more direct in his protection*. And generally, that’s going to lead to putting yourself in harm’s way more often.

My favourite scene to demonstrate this is when Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji (alongside Jin Zixuan) are protecting Mianmian in the Xuanwu cave. Wei Wuxian does this by redirecting Wen Chao’s attention to him, provoking him and causing him to step out of Wen Zhuliu’s range of protection. Meanwhile, Lan Wangji stands in front of her, blocking her from danger directly… despite being at a disadvantage and already injured!

Wen Chao was enraged, shouting, “How dare you! Kill them!” A few of the Wen Sect’s disciples unsheathed their swords, rushing toward Lan WangJi and Jin ZiXuan (...) the two boys were at a loss in terms of both weaponry and sheer numbers. Even more, after the past days of being constantly on the move, they were in quite a bad state, not to mention that Lan WangJi had been injured. They definitely wouldn’t be able to last long. Chapter 52, EXR translation

This is a scenario with high stakes (Mianmian’s life), but also with multiple solutions, meaning that their choices aren’t muddied by there only being one option. Yet we still see Lan Wangji directly defend – despite the fact that, if Wei Wuxian hadn’t intervened, he almost certainly would have died! And that’s true of another moment in the Xuanwu cave I never hear anyone talk about:

Before Wei WuXian could think of what to do next, his body tilted as somebody shoved him to the side. Lan WangJi had pushed him out of the way. With this opportunity, the jaws of the beast had closed, biting down on his leg. Wei WuXian’s right leg hurt from simply watching the scene. Lan WangJi’s face was still expressionless. He had only frowned slightly. Afterward, he was immediately dragged away! (...) Lan WangJi didn’t expect that [Wei Wuxian] could catch up even under such circumstances. He was utterly shocked. Chapter 53, EXR translation

Admittedly, this is a scenario with more limited options, which is why I mentioned Mianmian first. But his reaction stays consistent – directly blocking somebody from a threat with his own body. And again, he didn’t think Wei Wuxian could do anything to rescue him! He does not expect to survive, and we just… don’t talk about this???

(And note that when Wei Wuxian rescues him, he actually puts himself in less danger! Again, this is mainly due to the limited solutions – you can’t rescue someone who’s already bitten down on by blocking the mouth from biting down on them – but he’s still in a position where he does have the option to get out of the situation if he chooses (he’s not between the teeth! His hands are opening the teeth from the outside, his feet are on its shell, he can jump into the water at any time and does after Lan Wangji is safe. There is danger of the Xuanwu choosing to attack him, but his position on its own doesn’t put him in mortal peril, which is not the case for Lan Wangji here). So though it doesn’t give us that much insight into how he prefers to deal with situations, the dynamic is still interesting to consider with regard to how fanon!WWX is often treated.)

Now, maybe these examples are unfair. Maybe Lan Wangji here was very tired (he was), stressed (he was) and not thinking straight, and so he just didn’t think of other options that he would’ve chosen in normal circumstances. If that’s the case, it still supports my point – no matter his eventual course of action, his first thought/instinct is still to obstruct directly – but this isn’t just a pattern limited to this arc, and to such high-stakes situations. For example, look at his reaction when the Wens order the Lans to burn the Cloud Recesses (and though I’d be very surprised if Lan Wangji wasn’t stressed here too, he’s at least less tired).

Wei WuXian, “Is Lan Zhan’s leg related to this?” The disciple, “Of course. The first place that Wen Xu ordered them to burn down was the Library Pavilion. He declared that he’ll teach anyone who wasn’t willing to do it a lesson. Lan WangJi refused. He was attacked by Wen Xu’s people and they broke one of his legs.” - Chapter 52, EXR translation

I say this is low-stakes because actions won’t actually have that much of an impact – though there is danger, the Cloud Recesses are going to be burned down no matter what, so it’s not something you’re risking by not acting to prevent it. Yet Lan Wangji still chooses to directly oppose, to directly protect the pavilion as much as he can (even if that’s very little, and even if I do think the main factor here was actually his refusal to go against his principles and burn down the Cloud Recesses, not him trying to protect them. But that still leads to the same course of action: to act very directly). And again, that results in direct bodily harm to him**! 

But even in situations where he’s not stressed or under any pressure, we still see that direct protection is his default. Just look at the way he acts towards Wei Wuxian in the present day. One of his very first actions towards him (and pretty much the very first after finding out his identity!) is to block Jiang Cheng from hurting ‘Mo Xuanyu’ with Zidian – to quote EXR, “[Wei Wuxian] hadn’t been hit by the whip yet only because Lan WangJi acted as a barricade in front of him.” – and after that we often see him protecting Wei Wuxian from dogs, we see him let Wei Wuxian stand behind him when Jiang Cheng is angry at the Golden Core reveal (Chapter 102), we even see him protecting Wei Wuxian from things they both know he can face (Su She):

On the other hand, Lan WangJi gripped Bichen in one hand as he grabbed Wei WuXian’s waist with his other, pushing Wei WuXian behind him for better protection. In reality, Wei WuXian had no need for his protection, but he still leaned against his body with both comfort and compliance. Chapter 104, EXR

None of this leads to any harm of either of them, but it still holds true to the pattern of Lan Wangji protecting by physically putting himself between what he’s defending, and harm’s way. This response of his is extremely consistent! And it’s not just towards Wei Wuxian either – there’s a tiny moment in the Lotus Seed Pod extra which you could argue fits this pattern, where Lan Wangji chooses to physically hold the heavy roof of an abandoned shed to block the rain from reaching an injured man and a few other people, rather than trying something like using wood from the shed (including the four pieces of unattached wood propping the shed up) to build a temporary shelter for them until help arrives. The circumstances and therefore actions are slightly different, but the process leading to them is still the same – Lan Wangji still acts in the most direct way he can to protect the people from the rain, which does involve exerting himself even in a situation where there would probably be other ways to solve it (even if his Lan arm strength means he can hold the roof up without a problem). It’s not a deliberate choice to do whatever puts him in harm’s way the most, but directly using himself to protect people, whatever form that takes, is his main and default course of action.

The final thing I want to mention is that even Lan Wangji’s ‘big reveal’ moment – him being the one to take Wei Wuxian away from Nightless City, fighting 33 elders to protect him – calls back to this trait as well (MDZS is so well put together)! Once more, Lan Wangji is directly protecting, risking and suffering serious bodily harm as a result. Recovering took a few years!

…And yet. I never see anybody thinking Lan Wangji is self-sacrificial. I’d argue they’re right – but why? Why, when he puts himself in harm’s way more than Wei Wuxian does?

Maybe it’s because of something like this: ‘but he does this because he loves Wei Wuxian and doesn’t want to see him hurt, and protecting others is just part of his morals! It doesn’t point to any issue within him, he does have a stable sense of self and self-worth – at least there isn’t anything pointing to the opposite’.

Which, again, I’d argue is right.

But… does that really not apply to Wei Wuxian, too?

---

*And there are moments where they don’t act like this, especially for Wei Wuxian, but that’s generally in situations where there aren’t any other options which still lead to them accomplishing their goals. Protecting the Wens by… redirecting the Jianghu’s hatred towards other people? How would he do that? How would that help anything??

**It’s quite interesting to think of how Wei Wuxian would act in these situations, actually – both being forced to burn down the Cloud Recesses (or Lotus Pier, in this case), and in preventing (in this case) Lan Wangji from being eaten by a Xuanwu rushing towards him. The first, I’m not actually sure what exactly he would do (especially as nothing he can do will stop the burning) – I’m not sure he’d just go along with it, but I don’t see him just refusing to despite that not doing anything, either (especially since if he’s unharmed, he’ll be more able to protect his shidi and shimei if they’re in danger, since he’s a much more skilled cultivator/fighter than they are), at least not in the same way. Hearing people’s thoughts on that would be really interesting, actually!

As for the second – if there’s really no time to change anything about the head or its direction, he would probably do the same (with the only other option being letting Lan Wangji die). But if there was the smallest room to change something, I could definitely see him activating another fire talisman (to distract the Xuanwu and redirect its attention to the pillar of flame instead of Lan Wangji, even if just for a moment). And even if self sacrifice really needed to be an option, with no way out beside it, I think Wei Wuxian’s would take the form of redirecting the Xuanwu’s head towards him rather than directly blocking it from reaching Lan Wangji. When he does put himself in danger in canon, this is usually how he does it (see: him redirecting the corpses towards himself during the Second Siege, while Lan Wangji is protecting him and blocking them from reaching him… another nice example of their situational response!).

I do plan on writing a separate meta about Wei Wuxian’s tendency to redirect, though, so some of these points may be reiterated there.

[wutheringskies]

List: Wei Ying's Attitude Towards Lan Zhan (Pt 1)

Cloud Recesses Arc (Chronological)

1. First Impression: Lan Zhan is very, very pretty with a stern expression on his face, as if he's in mourning. Learning of his reputation, learning that he's well-spoken, smart and academically an ace.

2. Their dynamic forms: Wei Wuxian is annoyed by how Lan Wangji treats him, how he appears to be an immovable polished piece of jade and wishes to break through his composure by annoying him - he wants to be treated specially.

3. Respecting Lan Zhan's talents and genuine desire for friendship: Learning that Lan Zhan's reputation isn't fake. Despite being so young, he can carry three people onto his sword, think logically, and help people. Secondly, Wei Wuxian respects his integrity as Lan Zhan punishes himself as well for breaking the rules, despite the gap in their status. He wishes to become closer to Lan Wangji as they share similar values.

4. The first tones of romance: Wei Wuxian has always been interested in seeing how Lan Wangji would be as a romantic partner, thus baiting him with porn and "girls in Yunmeng." As Wei Wuxian hangs out with his friends, he sees Lan Wangji alone and wants to give him friends as well - the kind that Lan Wangji will like - so, he gives him two rabbits, which were in a compromising position and turned out to be both male. Secondly, he is very interested in Lan An's story as this is a new context to be applied to Lan Wangji.

Pre-Sunshot Campaign

1. Lan Wangji as his maiden: Wei Wuxian unknowingly always puts Lan Wangji into the place of a "maiden" - what I mean by this is that, when the girls chase after him in Yunmeng, he sighs and thinks of Lan Wangji. When he sees Lan Wangji's forehead ribbons, he thinks of pulling a girl's ponytails and tugs it. Thus, he has moved on from baiting Lan Zhan with girls to see how he would be in a romantic context to placing Lan Zhan as the maiden in a heterosexual context.

2. Stage of Denial: As Wei Wuxian's feelings for Lan Wangji keep surging subconsciously, yet he keeps facing with one rejection after the other, a proud man as him enters the stage of denial. Here, he constantly lies to himself, gives excuses for his actions, hides his thoughts and reframes events - aka, he gaslights himself.

• We know he has been thinking of Lan Zhan well after studying in Gusu (he studied for 3 months, Jiang Cheng studied for a year. In the lotus pod extra he's still talking about Lan Zhan and it's a common occurrence, so at least until 9 months later, he's still talking about him) yet he says in Qishan Archery Competition that he has forgotten about him. Secondly, he says he doesn't recognize Lan Wangji, yet he mentions that his fingers look suited to playing the guqin, thus he already recognizes this handsome man and his emotions surge, yet he calms himself down by framing his thoughts to make himself seem less attached.

• This behavior continues throughout the Qishan Wen Indoctrination. He went to Mianmian's side to get the perfume pouch after he heard it had medicinal herbs, and Lan Zhan's leg was injured. Yet Lan Zhan gets jealous and refuses his help, Wei Wuxian later takes a jab at his broken leg when he's bejng supported by Jiang Cheng - upset that he was refused once more.

• At this point, 2 years after meeting Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian is giving up on his thoughts of them becoming friends, even petulantly whining to Lan Zhan, that "why do you not like me???"

• He shoves all of his feelings down, and accepts that he needs to give Lan Zhan more space.

• Yet even after the Xuanwu Cave, we can see that though he wished to give Lan Zhan more space, he continued to ask questions after question about him to Jiang Cheng.

Sunshot Campaign

1. Takes a Hint: Now, Wei Wuxian is no longer a child. He has been through too many things, has too many responsibilities to worry about his "childhood ambition" of becoming friends with Lan Zhan. After his return, the first thing they do is have a fight - to Wei Wuxian's point of view, it is that, after each of his attempts to become closer have been squashed, now finally they're fighting - aka, they are on opposite sides. Thus, Lan Wangji suddenly turning 180 degrees back by wanting to take him back to Gusu registers as a "punishment." He simply can't even imagine a context where Lan Zhan likes him. Thus, this stage, I call - Wei Wuxian takes a hint (the wrong one.)

2. Confusion and Hurt: Wei Wuxian is already suffering through major identity crisis and plenty of trauma. In such a setting, he cannot evaluate Lan Wangjj's actions and arguments with him as "concern, care or worry." He cannot think of his opinions over digging graves etc as "righteous." Lan Wangji is "against him." Wei Wuxian suppresses his feelings well, and has moved on from wanting to be friends. Yet he does not agree with those who call them enemies - refusing to take Lan Zhan's behavior towards him as "hate."

Post-Sunshot Campaign

1. Hiding all his weaknesses: Now, Sunshot Campaign is over and Wei Wuxian is very aware that he's going to be hated by everyone sooner or later. He's scared and he doesn't know what to do, where he stands, and also regrets some of what he has done. He is without any backing, without any support - he covers up his vulnerability by standing up too tall, by talking arrogantly, by pretending that he's so strong - in his act, he doesn't notice Lan Zhan subtly moving towards him (metaphorically and literally), and walks past him, leaving him behind.

2. Shifting of Dynamic, Rekindling Hope and Extreme Fear and Vulnerability: Now that for the first time in years, that Wei Wuxian has time to breathe and momentarily, no immediate responsibilities or distractions his feeling surge again. He is still in denial about his feelings, but now the amount of gaslighting he does is truly remarkable. Firstly, he wished to place Lan Zhan in a romantic context (whether or not it included him), secondly he imagined Lan Zhan as a maiden for HIM, now thirdly, he is placing himself into the spot of "the maiden"

-> Throwing flowers at Lan Zhan along with other girls

-> Conveniently making the remark that of course, he doesn't imagine that Lan Zhan will ever take the initiative and kiss someone (aka, he wishes Lan Zhan will take initiative because he's put himself out there for so long, and he is tired.)

Now, Wei Wuxian's feelings towards Lan Zhan are very much real, the minor crush growing into something more - like a flower bud that wants to be watered to bloom. But since it isn't welcomed, he forces them back into his heart:

1. Admitting he finds Lan Zhan handsome - admitting some degree of physical attraction and admiration by throwing a flower at him.

2. Asking for his headband knowing it is somehow symbolic (something important to him, a privelege). Subconsciously playing Wangxian, and then finally getting kissed. For some reason, he FAILS to mention Lan Zhan's signature scent of sandalwood despite his senses being so keen. Why? In my opinion - it's him suppressing that thought. He knows the maiden is remarkably strong, he has an inkling that it is HIM so, he allows the kiss to go on, excusing it with the excuse that "how embarrassed the maiden will be once he sees her." After all, even when Lan Zhan asks him much later "you didn't know whom the person was so why didn't you resist, and then why did you tell me this?" Wei Wuxian doesn't answer him, but instead laughs at him for being jealous. In truth, I feel, this is another one of Wei Wuxian's deflections.

He knows admitting that he smelt the sandalwood would make it impossible for him to not relate to Lan Zhan. He knows only Lan Zhan was in the vicinity. He knows only Lan Zhan has showed any significant connection to him - someone like Wei Wuxian would definitely know if a girl liked him. But he can't read Lan Zhan. He also knows Lan Zhan is conveniently acting different than usual - yet, he doesn't probe too much, which is uncharacteristic of him. Not to mention, Lan Zhan is showing significant negative emotion towards him - asking him to go away. Wei Wuxian subtly sneaks in one of the doubts he's carried for three years now, "do you hate me?" But it's unanswered. Wei Wuxian is afraid and he's feeling self conscious again, eyes tearing up, so what does he do?

Act pretentious.

"Of course, I've a lot of experience. Even if it was you, it doesn't matter, haha. This isn't special to me. You aren't making me feel anything special. You aren't making me weak. You aren't hurting me."

After this, he is relieved. He has hid well. His feeling are hidden perfectly. To confirm, he even asks Lan Zhan og he's ever kissed, etc. Lan Zhan doesn't say yes or no, but Wei Wuxian has convinced himself that it wouldn't have been Lan Zhan. He makes up an imaginary maiden who kissed him. He says he never tried to find her to not embarass her. After he is sure it wasn't Lan Zhan, he is not interested in finding out who kissed him.

Successfully gaslighted □

The next incident is at Yunmeng, and it's by far the most obvious thing Wei Wuxian has done to show his feelings towards Lan Wangji. He casually admits that Lan Zhan is very handsome, and bestows plenty of flowers of all meanings upon him.

But the most important is the peony. Wei Wuxian reaches out towards Lan Wangji all the time. Each time, he's a bit more hurt, a bit more scared, a bit more vulnerable. So, this time, he's giving Lan Wangji and his surging feelings a chance - either Lan Wangji takes it and he allows his feelings to surge, or Lan Wangji doesn't take it and he swallows all his feelings back inside, rewrites the whole narrative and moves on with his life.

Thus, he throws out a flower that can either mean "a confession" or a separation.

He doesn't expect Lan Wangji to come up the inn. He expects it to be a separation. But he does come up - yet what follows is an argument, their last one. From Lan Wangji's point of view, it is also last time he asks Wei Wuxian to come to Gusu with him - to walk the same path moving forward, a last offer of protection. In a way both of them are confessing, yet they don't know.

When they part on dubious terms, Wei Wuxian doesn't know what to do - Lan Wangji DID come up, he did talk to him - that is not indifference or hate. It does not guarantee separation. Wei Wuxian just takes it as concern, without any confirmation from Lan Wangji himself.

Now, Wei Wuxian goes back to Lotus Pier in a dark mood. He says he met someone who wanted to lock him up - in a way, it must be addressed that Wei Wuxian's feelings are like chains for him. They don't liberate him. He needs to constantly suppress them. Jiang Cheng remarks it must have been Wei Wuxian who called out to Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian comments that he himself is ridiculous. He is frustrated over his feelings, unable to understand why he is placing himself into a position like this, why he has hopes only for them to be crushed again and again, yet unable to actually realize anything as he hasn't admitted it all to himself yet. Later, they talk about Yanli and Zixuan, and Wei Wuxian finds himself the perfect cover to talk to his shijie. He asks why people like one another - why does he have to feel so scared and afraid and vulnerable - and tells himself he's asking on part of his shijie. He convinces himself that he won't ever like anyone that much, thus once again - suppressing his feelings.

Later, at Koi Tower, he drinks from Lan Wangji's cup, unable to see him be disrespected and presents his case to the banquet. He ends up having to threaten everyone. Wei Wuxian HAS to make himself into something he is not. He's unafraid. At least that is what he wants to think.

Wei Wuxian glanced over at him (Lan Wangji). In those eyes, light as cat’s eye chrysoberyl, he saw his own near-hideous reflection.

This is how he truly feels - not just about himself (my boy literally has to carry a fake persona and be so strong and so alone for YEARS) but also how he perceives Lan Wangji's attitude towards him, and it stings him, but luckily he has more things to do than worry about how Lan Zhan feels about him.

YiLing Laozu

1. A ray of hope, separation and acceptance: Few weeks in the Burial Mounds has matured Wei Wuxian. He is naturally someone who works better when there is a goal, when there are people depending onto him. He has made his decision to walk his chosen path to its bitter end. Far away from the public's eyes, with his fear of being hated and ostracized, realized, now it is like he has little to lose, so he tries to make the best of it. When Lan Zhan visits YiLing, Wei Wuxian doesn't throw any curveballs to him. He doesn't ask too much, doesn't hope for anything, doesn't play around. Just enjoys some company time with him. Even when Lan Zhan brings up their persistent issues and pushes back them into the sphere of reality, Wei Wuxian deflects and only then shows some of his frustration. Yet, when Lan Zhan leaves, he chases after him to bid him goodbye. He tells him of his chosen path, asks him to form his own opinions about things, shows some trust in his integrity. They eventually go their own ways, the mood sombre. This time Wei Wuxian accepts that they aren't meant to be friends, but does say that they aren't enemies. Just people meant to walk separate paths. Thus, his feelings are no longer useful to him. They can't lead towards anything. He accepts it.

2. Extreme, Extreme Hurt: Acceptance doesn't mean it does not hurt. Just how long has Wei Wuxian suppressed his feelings? Just how long has he swallowed every hurt, every rejection? Just how many times has he called out first? Just how many times had he waited? When Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji stand on different sides in Nightless City with their weapons pointed at each other, Wei Wuxian finally "terms" Lan Wangji's attitude towards him: I knew from the start that we would have a real fight like this one, sooner or later. You've always found me disagreeable, no matter what.

"Wei WuXian had already lost his judgement. He was already half-mad, half-unconscious. All evil was being augmented by him. He felt that everyone loathed him and he loathed everyone as well. He wouldn’t be scared no matter who came at him. It wouldn’t matter no matter who came at him. It was all the same anyway."

He'd been scared, vulnerable and weak for so long, masking it with a layer of arrogance and humor. Yet now he simply can't do it any longer and his fears spill out, the darker thoughts he'd suppressed. He's like a child crying, saying it won't matter whatever his feelings were, he'd hurt them all. He was done of being hurt and scared, of hiding, of being treated like the problem. Note, that he has always wanted to be Lan Wangji's friend, always stated that they weren't enemies even when everyone around him laughed at his audacity. Now, he is done harboring hopes. He is ready to spill out all those things he's been holding back, all the fears he held.

Yet later, Lan Wangji is the one who helps him, hides him away, talks to him softly. If any part of Wei Wuxian was conscious, he'd have felt utter and complete exhaustion. "Get lost." As in, he is done. He doesn't wish for Lan Wangji to owe anything to him. He doesn't wish to change his perspectives once again. He has lost all hope, all will. He doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He can't leave by himself, he can't pretend otherwise, he can't make excuses, he can't hide in the face of Lan Wangji's action - so he can only drive him away.

Conclusion

If Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji ever had a few years of peace after they hit the age of eighteen, they would've figured their feelings out. Yet, everytime something is about to come out of their relationship, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji go through a major ordeal that pushes them back to base zero. In their first life, their relationship ends on a tragedy.

Lan Wangji's full-grown tree of his feelings doesn't get to provide Wei Ying with its shade, left forever alone until the tree eventually dies. Meanwhile, Wei Ying's sprouts never get the water it needs to grow spontaneously.

One can't fall in love as deeply as Wei Ying is with Lan Zhan after his revival in just three months. Thus, I hope this post made it easier to see just how deep his feelings ran. I will write a follow-up post about his attitude towards Lan Zhan in his second life!

Do let me know your thoughts as well.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

June 10th

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1. Hiya, please help me find this fic! Lan Zhan is the king/emperor and has to choose a consort/empress. There is a bridal selection held and I know Mianmian was one of the candidates. They do a series of challenges and Lan Zhan basically tricks Wei Wuxian into completing them/qualifying. At one point, the candidates have to go through this maze, and Wei Wuxian gets 'kidnapped' and dumped in the maze and finds his way out really fast out into a hall where everyone is just like 'how the hell did he get in there and come out so fast?' and Lan Zhan uses that to show the council/elders that Wei Wuxian is a perfectly acceptable choice while WWX is just confused as always. Thank you! @iuocean

FOUND? The Imperial Jewel by Serinah (E, 39k, WangXian, Emperor and his concubine, Dubious Consent,bExtreme at first, gets better, A/B/O, omega wwx,bAlpha LWJ, Concubine WWX, Emperor LWJ, Oblivious Wwx, wwx's pov, Mutual Pining, Angst and Feels, Deviates From Canon, WWX has a golden core, but still practices dark arts, WWX exchanges his life for the Wens’, other differences, UST, S/D, undrenegotiated kink, Orgasm Denial, Multiple Orgasms,bOther kinks, WWX likes spanking, Smut and Feels, fucking while pining, noncon, for the beginning of the first scene, It Gets Better, starts smutty, gets plotty, ends lovely, Feels, Power Imbalance, Public Sex)

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2. Hi there! Im not sure if I have already asked this or if I dreamt it but I have been looking for one specific ff for almost three years now. It's on ao3 and the only plot points I remember were that it was a modern au, wangxian were friends, something happened to wwx and the decided to go on a little impulsive roadtrip (Iwj phoned his brother and said "I am eloping with wei ying" which was funny but he was so serious deep inside) and then they found out they have been in love all along and get together.

Another thing I remember is that the author put a lot of songs into the fic for the roadtrip and I have all the song names;

the brummies - lovers do

give my heart a little break - summer salt

I don't wanna be okay without you - charlie burg

honeymoon - the shadowboxers

You'd think with all the songs I could have found it by now but I can't seem to win. If you can find anything please please I will sell my firstborn :) that fic was comfort like you can't believe @mdzshemel

Hi, this fic is delicious! Thank you for the rec ✨ It is not the one I am looking for but it was such a near thing 🥹

NOT FOUND 🔒 and i think it's going to be a long, long time by belovedmuerto (T, 39k, WangXian, Road Trips, Modern, There Was Only One Bed, Slow Burn, Getting Together, Pining, Weddings, sibling relationships)

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3. hi, fic finder request! i know that it was a royalty au where lxc was the king and jgy was married to him, but from there my memory is vague... i seem to recall a scene (that may or may not have involved a mirror?) where jgy is using dark magic and eventually lxc and the rest of the lan family and kingdom find out the jgy is evil. jgy was using the dark magic to poison someone, either lxc or himself (?) TYSM for helping!!

FOUND? the lotus in between by whiteskyland (Not Rated, 22k, LXC/JC, LXC/JGY, WangXian, WIP, Angst, Whump, JC Needs a Hug, A/B/O, Alpha LXC, Omega JC, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Arranged Marriage, Royalty, Hurt/Comfort, Omega JGY, JC Has No Golden Core)

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4. Hello! I'm I'm desperate to find a Wangxian fic with a Modern AU where JC wants to adopt a dog, and they recommend WWX to see a therapist or work at a veterinarian (I don't remember well) and that's where LWJ comes in. But supposedly he has a dark secret that he can't tell WWX, the thing is that I don't remember if it's a werewolf AU or something else like that. I honestly don't know if it's still on ao3, but I'll keep looking for it and I thought it was worth it to ask here if anyone remembers or knows this fic.

Maybe you'll have better luck that me, anyway thanks for listening to my ramblings!!!

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5. Hi! I’m looking for a fic that takes place in the cloud recesses era. When WWX is supposed to be punished, instead of copying the rules in the library, both WWX and LWJ teach the younger Lan disciples sword forms and fighting. During this time they bond and start a relationship.

I just remember a scene where they are putting away the wooden swords and they lock themselves in the shed (?) and start making out? (I think??).

Thanks! @estathom

FOUND! 💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons Series by starandrea (Varies, 1m, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Telepathic bond, Kink Negotiation, Family Drama, Magical Pregnancy, Dual Cultivation, Shapeshifters, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Yilling Wei Sect, podfic) one of the magical marriage ribbon series, closer to the beginning // the second work

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6. I am looking for a canon-era fic where Wuxian was the son of Lan Qiren and Cangse Sanren. Neither Wuxian or Lan Qiren know this, as they both presume Wei Changze was Wuxian’s father. They learn the truth during the Cloud Recesses study arc when the class learns a talisman that writes out family trees. Qiren demands to take Wuxian from Lotus Pier and continue raising and teaching him in the Lan.

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7. hello! i'm trying to find a modern au wangxian fic where wwx is living with the wens and lwj is a performance artist coming to the (local) yiling gallery, and they meet again while lwj is doing his exhibition (he's like. running a booth where he just stares into the other person's eyes for like 10 minutes). it's on the shorter side - i want to say it's 3 chapters? @grillanarchy

FOUND! when you say nothing at all by sysrae (T, 5k, WangXian, Modern, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, artist LWJ, tattoo artist WWX, past angst, Getting Together, emotionally significant art installations, Soulmates)

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8. Hello.

I'm sorry for asking at the you are off. But it's been bugging my mind. I've read these fic before but i forgot the title and where i read it.

Do you know a fic its m/m where lan zhan and wei ying married and wei ying had a miscarriage so both of them go to somewhere and ended in a village. They lived in there for a while until wei ying got pregnant again and decided to go back to gusu?

And one fic where wei ying is pregnant and had been followed by the lan juniors while lan zhan gone to somewhere?

Please help me. @rottenapple116

FOUND! Sky, Cloud and Lotus by Xantya24 (M, 219k, WangXian, JC/LXC, LJY/LSZ/JL, WIP, Mpreg, A/B/O, Everyone Lives, Certain characters are dead as canon, Family Fluff, Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending, Miscarriage, Bullying, Graphic Description, Isolation, Dreams and Nightmares, Things can get fucked up)

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9. Hello! I'm searching for a fic where wei ying is actually the son of wen ruohan and cangse sanren. I only remember the part where wen ruohan visited lotus pier and saw wei ying being whipped to death by yu ziyuan and him being absolutely livid. I think wen xu was also there, he was really nice and showed wei ying the wen's market(?). thank you!!

FOUND? Scars of Lightning by The_peregrine_falcon (T, 6k, YZY & WWX, WWX & WRH, WangXian, YZY's A+ Parenting, Canon Divergence, Not Canon Compliant, Wen WWX, zidian, YZY is a bitch, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Injury, Major Character Injury, Heavy Angst, Lotus Pier, Nightless City, Young WWX, Muteness, Hurt kind of comfort) Though he's not WRH blood son but adopted son in it. WRH does see him get attacked by YZY though, somewhere in the middle of the fic

FOUND? The Littlest Sun by Kuroishuuha (T, 23k, WWX is a Wen, Wen Wuxian, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe, Good Parent WRH, Not YZY Friendly, Medical Inaccuracies, Family Fluff, Good Brother WX) It has WWX as WRH child and a shopping scene with WX.

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10. Hello I was suggested to seek help here to find fics that I have been trying to find for a really really long time. I hope you could help me with them.

A. The fic was set post canon where Lan Wangji seemed to have lost his memory of WWX and Wei Wuxian tries to help him get his memory back. This seems to be a common premise but what resonated me about the fic was that there was a use of a song to cure the memory loss and the song required lots of energy and thus Wei Wuxian had decided to play the song in parts and Wangxian navigate around eachother as LWJ slowly gets his memory back in snippets.

B. This one is set in post canon as well but this focuses much more on the relationship of Wei Wuxian with Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling. In this fic it seems that Wei Wuxian tends to favour Lan Sizhui above anyone else and thus Jin Ling gets jealous at this prospect. I don't remember many finer details of the story besides these.

10A)

FOUND! #10a sounds like "an effect (without a cause)" by astrobandit. It is no longer on Ao3. i have a pdf copy from the wayback machine if anyone needs it. ~the-marathon-continues-nip

10B)

FOUND! Not Yet (There As Needed) by sunrise_and_death (T, 13k, LSZ & WWX, JL & WWX, JL & LSZ, WangXian, Post-Canon, Family Feels, Family Bonding, POV LSZ, This Fic Has Everything, even more yearning, WWX & LSZ figuring out wtf their relationship is, Dramatic Revelations, JL being the contrary lil bean he is, all the juniors thinking WWX is the greatest thing to ever happen to them, and in case you missed it yearning)

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11. Hiiiii. Im looking for a fic where wei ying is either a tiger or wolf and he gets stuck in that form for awhile. I just remember he goes missing for awhile and lwj is looking for him - i think they are engaged or married then. Lwj finds him with sl and xxc. I think he gets stuck in that form after fighting wc or wzl or wx and he goes around trying to get a glimpse of someone in white or hes looking for lwj's scent?

Sorry its so vague 🙈 but thats all i remember

FOUND? 🔒 Unstoppable by Netrixie (T, 150k, WangXian, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Slow Burn, Minor Original Character(s), Cloud Recesses, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Angst, Wolf-shifter WWX, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, Fix-It, Werewolf, Shapeshifters, Sunshot Campaign, Translation Available, Russian, Canonical Lan arm strength)

FOUND? The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, JFM/YZY, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Most people live, and the ones who don't were aholes anyway, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted famil, yYungmeng Siblings, LWJ is very confused, You can tell from his face, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs, If canon will not give me women I will make them, Jiang Sect) For the sake of propriety, since it's been a while since I last read either Tiger vers or Beast of Gusu, imma drop The Tiger Has Destroyed Its Cage for 11 as well sincd Beast of Gusu is already recced, and OP technically mentions both (and I /think/ the one op wants is Tiger verse rather than Beast of Gusu)

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12. Hiii

Thank you so much for all your hard work 💜

Can you please find me a fic where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying meet in a game. I think Wei Ying's avatar and Wen Chao's avatar were married and then Wen Chao divorced Wei ying's character and lan zhan offers a marriage proposal.

Then they meet and gradually fall in love in real life too

I think Hualian comes up in the fic where Hua Cheng is the owner of the company which created the game .

🩵🩵🩵🩵

FOUND? Dreams of Cultivation by mortuus_lingua (M, 97k, WangXian, LXC/JC, SL/XXC, HC & XL, Gaming, Wuxia, Nonbinary Character, Queer Themes, LWJ Uses Actual Words, Nonbinary NHS, Nonbinary XXC, BAMF WQ, Modern, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Oblivious WWX, Protective JC, Cinnamon Roll WN, Developing Relationship)

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13. Hii! Im currently looking for a fic on ao3, about wwx crossdressing and faking being lwj wife. I dont remember if it was post ressurection or not, and i think wen qing might have been involved in the lie? But i could be wrong. There were two moments that i remember, that when wwx tells the truth to Lan qiren he reveals he already knew and that wwx fakes fainting at some point to shame someone over a rude remark.

FOUND? My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies) if he's just pretending to have married LWJ

FOUND? The Amazing Adventures Of Jiang Xiaolian And Family by bumbledees (T, 71k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, JC/WN, Mild to Moderate Pining, lotus pier siblings quietly also have a penchant for chaos, WWX will make LQR like him whether the old man likes it or not, WWX just wants to have fun and not be killed and also to go to his sister's wedding, Mutual Pining, WWX is more stubborn than a boulder and twice as dense, Everybody Lives, nobody who matters anyways, except for WN, you're an angel and we're delighted you're here, WangXian canon is sad bitch let's get you some fun, "WWX fools the entire cultivation world", "and kicks up drama in front of their salad", testimonial from reader Vapid_Girl and a good summary of this fic, warnings for sexual harassment due to JGS, and for the canonical behavior of the jin clan ie war crimes, forced labor, human trafficking, etc., hello naughty jin cultivators it's revenge time :), jiang "rolling gay crisis" wanyin, wen "deserved better" qionglin, yunmeng bros feelings, copious use of bad language grace à JC, my oddball collection of headcanons concerning fierce corpses, WN has a playful streak, anyone friends with WWX has to have one on some level, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, extremely brief mention of something approaching a conversion camp but it's just two sentences, Happy Ending, Let JC Experience Happiness, WN is technically undead in this so uhhh warning for that, he's far more like a vampire than a zombie honestly, so JC gets his own YA supernatural romance novel basically, at least WN doesn't sparkle????, Crack Taken Mostly Seriously, like many of WWX's best ideas it starts as a joke!, purposeful baby aquisition, WWX when will you learn that there are consequences to your actions) if the marriage actually happens. // 100% sure that 13 is The Amazing Adventures of Jiang Xiaolian, I just finished reading that and it fits perfectly. // WWX pretends to faint in chapter 6 and LQR reveals he figured it out (and threw a teapot against the wall when he did so) in chapter 19.

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14. Hi! I'm looking for a fic that was funny I think, LWJ goes into the past, don't remember if it'd on purpose or not, it's the first night they meet, and instead of repeating the rules, he flirts with WWX and WWX can't handle it and I remember specifically LWJ thinking now I see why WWX teases, this is fun. And he says something along the lines of I won't tell anyone if you give me a kiss, and apparently LXC was there because they next day he says he didn't realize his brother was so smooth.

I've searched and searched (and got lost in new fics), if you guys are able to find it, that would be amazing!

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15. Thank you all for this glorious blog. I have a fic finder request. For a solid 3 months I have been trying to find it but alas. It's wangxian, f/f, on ao3. I think it's arranged marriage. Wangxian are married in any case but lwj isn't interested in anything but sex while wwx is very much in love with lwj. At some point, just as wwx starts thinking lwj might be softening toward her, she finds out that lwj is to have a concubine, Mianmian who lwj is old friends with. So wwx starts pulling away to give lwj opportunity to be with MM and is just very miserable.

I don't know for sure if wwx goes for a visit to Lotus Pier and that's where it happens or if she's holing up somewhere in Cloud Recesses, but Lwj goes to her and apologizes and they talk it through and there is a happy ending.

I BELIEVE it's 3 chapters but it could be 5. Anyway it's SO GOOD and I'm aching to reread it. @trulywicked

FOUND? Hello! For the Fic Finder posted on June 10th, #15 should be heliotrope by anonymous - it was deleted off ao3, but I was able to recover an epub from the ao3 archive in case anyone wants a copy. ~lilanko

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16. Hi, its my first time asking for a fic but i remember a jiang cheng centered fic which was about if jiang cheng found out bout the golden core transfer earlier. In that, wuxian doesnt die nor do the remanents and i was just wondering if you can find it because i cant remember what the name was. Thank you in advance^-^

FOUND? Rewrite the stars by Moonlit_dewdrops (T, 70k, JC & JYL & WWX, WangXian, JC/WQ, JYL & MM & WQ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Protective JC, yunmeng sibling love, Canon Divergence, Lives get saved, Yunmeng sibling bonding,bHurt/Comfort, Protective JYL, Golden Core Reveal, JYL & JZX Live, Fix-It, fuck JGS, JZN too, no one tolerating jin sect's bullshit, Found Family, JC GETS TO BE HAPPY AND IS MARRIED, JYL & WQ & MM GET TO BE SWORN SISTERS, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, just a bit, WWX has PTSD due to Burial Mounds, Very protective younger bro vibes, soft JC, Family Feels, Healing, Not Everyone Dies, Twin Prides of Yunmeng Feels, WWX will get a New Golden Core, justice for the wen remnants)

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17. Hii, absolutely love your page. Have come across such great fics here. I am actually looking a for a Wangxian fanfic which I think was CQL post-canon. I remember just this part where LWJ & WWX were going to get married and like just one day before their marriage (by the way all the guests and sects are there at Cloud Recesses), someone releases a dog/wolf yao or something similar and WWX gets like critically injured trying to project Sizhui. I remember really loving the fic but I can’t seem to find it anywhere:( Would really appreciate it if you could perhaps find it <3<3

FOUND? The Boy with the Sunshine Smile by Witch_Nova221 (T, 153k, WangXian, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Post-Canon, Romance, Domestic Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Parenthood, Growing Up) the injury+aftermath are chapters 22 & 23

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18. Looking for a fic where WWX made these like talisman things that stored memories are smth like that and then he dies and when he comes back his memories/past were shown to the cultivation world through those talismen and everyone is like “he’s a good guy!” and JC and LWJ tag along with WWX

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19. I'm looking for a wangxian fic :D I believe it was a characters-watching-their-series or watching-a-character's memories kind of fic, but where it was shown in songs. I specifically remember the characters watching married wangxian to the song Dandelions by Ruth B, and I think WWX's parents may have been there as well, so potentially there was a little bit of time magicky stuff too? Thank you for your help! @shieldherostuffs

FOUND? Mo Dao Zu Shi: The Musical by Loveable_Psychopath (Not Rated, 117k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-it, Song Fic, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking) The song is in the last chapter

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20. Hi! Can you help me find a fic? It's a (sort of) time travel fix-it where the Lans (LWJ and LQR are the ones i remember the most) are nice to WWX and it confuses him a lot. I remember a scene where WWX was asking about the "energy is energy" thing, expecting to get kicked out of the class by LQR, but he gets his answer calmly(?) and confused on why some of the Lans look like they're nostalgic from what he just said

FOUND? Cluster of Clouds by Nika_Raven_Celeste (T, 20k, WangXian, LWJ & WWX, LQR & WWX, JC & WWX, WIP, Time Travel, The Lans from Post Canon Time Traveled to Cloud Recesses Study Era, ALL The Lans from Post Canon, The Lans ADORES WWX, Confused WWX, Soft LQR, Soft LWJ , LWJ CAN communicate, Not JC Friendly , not YZY Friendly, Genius WWX, Horny LWJ, but he still has some restraints, Oblivious WWX)

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[whumpbby]

Damn, thought about Jiang Cheng and MianMian post-canon today.

Both adults now, both experienced by life and tragedy, and won out.

Her, forever thinking what if? Never able to forgive herself that she left the Jin when she did. She left Jin Zixuan's side for a flight of pride - and what even for?

She left any place where she could make a difference for the Wen. She left and didn't join the conflict on either side. She left in disgust of sect politics her friend was meant to navigate and what did she do with her choice? Left him alone to deal with the pit of snakes on his own.

What if she stayed? Would she go with him to that damned pass? Would she have his back? How many times did she dream of stepping into the way of that blow? Could her presence ensure he got to return to his wife and son? Would that have saved Yanli from throwing herself into death after him?

She looks at her children, and can't believe she deserves it when he can't. She looks at the meagre amount of good she's managed to do as a wandering cultivator and thinks what would be possible to change with Jin Zixuan alive and her advice at his side?

But at least her hands are clean, aren't they? Her conscience is clean of that one thing - she escaped the blame for the Wen Remnants. She escaped. Like Jin Zixuan couldn't.

Like Jiang Cheng didn't have a choice to.

They look at each other across the table, both swept away by Wei Wuxian's ideals, both feeling the dead staring at their back. Both living lives they didn't want to live.

(They were children back then, a little more than that. She remembers seeing him then, a boy in mourning, sorrounded by all the old men drooling at the thought of one more scrap of power, one more inch of land. Then-her couldn't understand how he could no nothing! Present-her couldn't believe he did as much as he did.)

But at least her hands are clean, aren't they?

...aren't they?

[qiu-yan]

Hello, your takes are really cool! You can completely ignore this if it's tedious to expand haha, I'm not all that clear on tumblr etiquette so -

I noticed in one of your posts you said wwx had self worth issues? Can you please expand on that if you can? Imo he's very secure about his worth but things like debts and 'Nah, I Can Deal With this' get in his way. Generally, outside the jiang family I CAN see him putting his life on line for someone else, but wouldn't that be owed to natural kindness and willingness to help rather than any issues he has in his own worth? "Better me than them" not because he thinks he deserves it but because he thinks he can handle it better?

thanks for the message!

when i said that he had self-worth issues, what i had in mind was that one post (can't find it right now) that argued that wei wuxian had sky-high self-confidence and low self-worth. what they meant by that was that, on one hand, wei wuxian is incredibly confident in his ability to accomplish anything he puts his mind to and to weather hardships that would destroy other people; on the other hand, though, he also thinks that it's acceptable that he instead of others weathers said hardships. wei wuxian repeatedly falls upon the explanation of "i'm stronger than other people, i'm more resilient than other people, i was born with a smile on my face and i don't hold grudges" to explain to himself why it is acceptable that various bad things happen to him: why he insisted he wasn't upset after someone stole his first kiss at the phoenix mountain night-hunt; why he said it was better that he instead of mianmian got burned; why his response, when he thought that madame yu was going to cut off his right hand, was to think that he could relearn the sword with his left--and why, i think, he gives his golden core to jiang cheng.

kindness and a natural inclination towards helping others can account for a good chunk of an individual's selfless behavior, but once we reach the point where someone is actively setting themself on fire to protect another person (or, shall we say, digging out their own golden core), then some other psychological motivators have come into the equation. (i find one interesting example of this to be emiya shirou from fate/stay night, whose natural instinct towards helping others is a manifestation of his survivor's guilt from the fuyuki fire).

this is less prominent in wei wuxian's interactions with other characters, since i do think that wei wuxian's moral framework is decently agent-relative - but when it comes to his interactions with the jiang siblings and jiang cheng in particular, wei wuxian's self-worth issues become apparent. due to how he was raised in the jiang household, wei wuxian seems to have internalized the idea that he, compared to jiang cheng, is more disposable. the message wei wuxian overwhelmingly hears from madame yu and also everyone else is that, while jiang cheng is the sect heir and the future of yunmeng jiang, wei wuxian is just the son of an ex-servant. that wei wuxian owes the jiang sect for taking him off the streets and raising him. that, just by being in jiang cheng's life, wei wuxian has already taken so much from him: the happiness of his mother, the approval of his father, the love of his father, the love of his sister, the stability of his home. all of this means that the direction of debt points firmly in one direction: wei wuxian, in his mind, owes the jiang.

this is reinforced by both uncle jiang and madame yu's last words to him: "protect our children." protect jiang cheng and jiang yanli. there was no "protect yourself as well." what a terrible thing to tell a kid, honestly.

but this is also acceptable, because wei wuxian is stronger than jiang cheng. so it's alright that wei wuxian be forced to take on various burdens due to what he owes jiang cheng, because wei wuxian is strong and resilient and can handle those burdens. unlike jiang cheng, who is weak and emotionally fragile and holds grudges so easily, who is so weak he must be protected at all costs, wei wuxian is strong and capable and forgiving enough to weather all hardships, and not even hold a grudge about it. so it's alright! it's okay. wei wuxian can and should shoulder everything.

i think this was the reasoning that went into the golden core transfer: wei wuxian at once loved jiang cheng and didn't want him to suffer, and also felt it was his first and foremost duty to protect jiang cheng above himself, and also felt that he was more disposable than jiang cheng, and also felt so, so guilty about his perceived role in the fall of lotus pier. i think (as i said in the post i think you're referencing) this is also part of why wei wuxian was able to leave lotus pier to protect the wen remnants without fully viewing this decision as him making a sacrifice: from his point of view, since he no longer had his golden core, he could no longer contribute to yunmeng jiang. he could no longer fulfill his purpose/duty/promise to the dead jiang parents of protecting the jiang siblings. if he wasn't useful, then jiang cheng probably didn't even want him around anymore. therefore, it was better that he leave instead of staying to cause more problems.

when it comes to the jiang family, at least, wei wuxian's sky-high self-confidence and abysmal self-worth work together to produce some uniquely unhinged outcomes.

sorry, i think i've gone off-topic. when i said that wei wuxian had self-worth issues in the original post, though, it was in relation to yunmeng jiang and the jiang family specifically, which is why my reply is focused on them. i hope i've answered your question!

[youhideastar]

WujiWatch: CQL Rewatch Episode 27

The centerpiece of this episode is the “How do you solve a problem like Wei Wuxian?” (thanks, varnes) conference at Jinlintai, for which basically every living character (except the Wen Remnants and, interestingly, Jiang Yanli) is present. The most memorable—and awesome—moment of the conference is definitely Mianmian’s secession from Lanling Jin Sect. But what drew my focus this time is something that happens shortly after that: the moment when Lan Wangji also walks out of the conference.

When I remember this scene, I tend to remember it as “Mianmian leaves, then Lan Wangji leaves to go talk to her”—but that’s not correct. The events are far enough apart in time that I think it’s clear, upon rewatching, that she may have given him the idea to walk out, but what actually makes him leave is his increasing disgust with the discussion in the hall and his refusal, as a matter of principle, to have anything more to do with it. Like Mianmian, he turns his back—both symbolically and literally—on the hypocrisy, the dishonesty, and the pettiness. He won’t be party to it.

There’s a key difference, though, between Mianmian and Lan Wangji. When Mianmian tries to speak up for Wei Wuxian, she’s shut down and dismissed—including with some weird sexist shade that the subtitles render impenetrable, but that I think is meant to be Sect Leader Yao saying she’s only defending Wei Wuxian because she liiiikes him. No one takes her seriously. But when Lan Wangji speaks up for Wei Wuxian, to contradict Jin Guangyao’s assertion that Wei Wuxian said he didn’t respect Jiang Cheng, it actually makes a difference: Jin Guangyao backs down, and admits that, okay, maybe Wei Wuxian didn’t really say that. (Even though he also remarks on how close Lan Wangji is to Wei Wuxian, echoing Sect Leader Yao’s attempt to discredit Mianmian.)

When Mianmian walks out, it’s because she’s realized that’s the only thing she can do to maintain a clear conscience. But Lan Wangji had another choice.

To be clear, I am not throwing shade on Lan Wangji for walking out. He’s taking a principled stand, and that’s admirable. But… in practical terms, it means that the last person in that room who was willing to stand up for Wei Wuxian—and challenge the narrative being peddled by Jin Guangshan—is gone. A respected voice that could have contradicted the party line or asked probing questions is silent. His refusal to participate in a flawed system has a price, not just for him, but for the people he cares about: when you opt out of the world’s mess, you also forfeit your power to clean it up.

At the end of the drama, Lan Wangji chooses to accept the Chief Cultivator role, rather than roaming the world with Wei Wuxian; invited to turn his back on the pettiness and the politics and the hypocrisy of the cultivation world, Lan Wangji instead walks toward it. I wonder whether, over the thirteen long years of Wei Wuxian’s death, Lan Wangji ever thought about this moment in Jinlintai—and whether it would have made a difference if he’d stayed. I guess it doesn’t surprise me that, when he is once again presented with the choice to either be in the room where it happens (sorryyy) or walk away, he chooses the former.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

I mean this politely but why do you like Su She? Maybe it’s because I’ve only read the books/seen the donghua but he seems like such a non-character. Does he play more of a role in the live action adaptation or something?

hey, no worries at all! my biggest su she confession is that when i first read the book and watched the show, i straight up forgot who he was until his death in the guanyin temple confrontation. in cql, his death really is kind of a nothingburger moment for me; it happens very suddenly, he doesn't have much agency in how it all unfolds, and aside from jgy's genuinely crushed expression when he dies (the way he says "minshan!" in that moment while reaching out to him still hurts 🥺), it isn't a character death that held my attention that much.

it wasn't until i read the novel and reached his death scene there that i had a "whoa, this is su she? su 'i don't have control enough over my power to summon my sword from the bottom of a lake or avoid shooting wei wuxian in the arm' minshan?"

As expected, gurgles came from within Nie MingJue’s throat. His body turned away from the empty coffin as well. At once, he realized whom the person lying on Su She’s back was. Wei WuXian’s whistles could no longer stop him either. Like a gust of wind, Nie MingJue rushed over, his palm flying towards Jin GuangYao’s head.

Su She dodged to the side with force. With the tip of his foot he picked up the sword that had fallen to the ground and conjured up all of his spiritual energy in one thrust at Nie MingJue’s heart. Perhaps because of the dire situation, the attack was abnormally swift and ruthless. Brimming with spiritual energy, the blade glowed brightly, enveloped by swirling radiance. It was so much better than all of the previous seemingly-elegant attacks that even Wei WuXian wanted to praise its excellence. Nie MingJue was forced a step back by the explosion of an attack as well. As the light dimmed somewhat, Nie MingJue went forth again, clawing at Jin GuangYao unstoppably. Su She threw Jin GuangYao at Lan XiChen with his left hand, while with his right he sliced at Nie MingJue’s throat.

Nie MingJue’s entire body was as impenetrable as fine steel, but not the thread that stitched his neck together!

...

If the neck attack succeeded, even if it wouldn’t defeat Nie MingJue entirely, it’d still be able to save them some time. However, the sword had been infused with so much spiritual energy, due to Su She’s sudden explosion, that it could no longer withstand it. Halfway through the lunge, it broke into pieces with a crack. On the other hand, Nie MingJue’s punch landed right in the center of Su She’s chest. Su She’s splendor left as quickly as it came. He couldn’t even spit out a mouthful of blood or say a few last words, no matter with dignity or cruelty, before the life in his eyes went out.

Collapsed beside Lan XiChen, Jin GuangYao saw this scene as well. Whether because the bleeding and the pain intensified at his arm and stomach or from some other reason, the glisten of tears could be seen in his eyes.

- EXR translation pgs 1001-1002

so for me, it was reading his death sequence and realizing just how dramatically he had changed from that fumbling, mediocre, and quite frankly cowardly cultivator we meet in the first half of the novel--the guy who can't summon his sword from the bottom of a lake, who wants to sacrifice mianmian to save his own skin, who can't even fire an arrow straight--to this capable, powerful cultivator who is throwing himself in harm's way without hesitation to protect jgy, that made me want to take a second look at him. like... he's not charismatic, he's deeply resentful and bitter, the chip on his shoulder is following him straight to his grave. but he dies bravely and incandescently because he thought jgy was someone worth dying for, and that just hit me right in the gut, honestly.

anyway after that i went a little nuts revisiting almost every scene he's in in both the book and in cql, and i've blogged about my thoughts already!! if you feel like trawling through my "emotional support henchman" tag, that's where you'll find some of my other unhinged sms gushing. this is just the non-tl;dr version of why i like him, so i hope this answers your question 👍