#Maybe I'll even change my mind once I've slept on all this... Who knows?

[glitterquadricorn]

My Tears Ricochet - f1 grid x indycar!reader

+summary: after a devastating end of a six-year relationship, she decided a change was needed. a change that ultimately brings her more opportunities, and she even finds love in an unexpected place. +pairing: f1 grid x indycar!driver +warnings: cheating, curse words, pregnancy, betrayal, mentions sexism, mentions misogyny, etc. If I missed something, let me know. face claim: tony breidinger dedicated to @fangirl-dot-com. They helped me so much whenever I got stuck. I highly recommend them. Their fics are so good. I do not give my permission to have my work reposted. I do not give my permission to have my work translated. If I'm notified that you've stolen my work or claim it as your own, you'll be asked to take it down before I'll report you. End of discussion.

The way Wyatt became possessive over his phone when before he'd always let her use it was concerning, but she brushed it off thinking maybe it was just a one-time thing. Then she noticed whenever she stepped into the room, and he was on the phone, he'd leave or if they were in the room together and his phone rang, he'd get up and answer it in a different room. The thought of him cheating on her crossed her mind at one point, but he wouldn't do that, right?

Right? Wrong.

Stepping into the house after a long flight, all she wanted to do was take a nice hot shower to scrub off the airport griminess and cuddle with Wyatt on the couch, but walking through the house, she noticed articles of clothing strewn about. 'That's weird' she thought to herself. Her ears picked up moaning sounds coming from their shared bedroom. Hearing lewd sounds like that made her blood run cold. Wyatt was cheating on her, but with whom?

Opening the door to their bedroom, she was met with Wyatt having her barely eighteen-year-old sister, Elizabeth, bent over the side of the bed.

"What the hell is going on?!"

Wyatt pushed Elizabeth forward, letting her hit the mattress. "Y/n, babe, this isn't what it looks like."

"Really? Because to me it looks like you were just balls deep in my sister." her eyes darted to said sister who's twirling her hair in-between her fingers and kicking her feet back and forth all with a smug look on her face. "And you! You're my sister. How could you do this to me?"

"I've loved him for years and it wasn't fair that you had him all to yourself."

"So, you thought it was a good idea for you to sleep with him?! Do you hear yourself?"

Elizabeth got up from the bed and walked over to Wyatt, wrapping her arms around his waist. "It's not the first time we've slept together."

"What does she mean, Wyatt?"

"Go ahead, babe. Tell her, or I will," Wyatt looking down at his feet hesitating to tell her was everything she needed to know that whatever's been going on between the two of them has been going on for a while. "Since he won't say anything, we've been together for eight months."

"Eight months?!?! Un-fucking-believable."

"Is now a bad time to say I'm pregnant- wait, what are you doing?" Elizabeth asked, watching as y/n left the bedroom, muttering under her breath about how her own sister was a backstabbing, home wrecking whore.

"I'm picking yours and his clothes up off the floor and throwing them in the trash where they belong."

"You can't do that!"

"Seeing as this is my house, I can do what I want and I'm just cleaning up the mess you left behind as per usual."

"But-"

Y/n walked over to the front door, opening it and gestured for her to leave. "I don't care where you go, or who you go to, because you are no longer welcomed here."

With no other choice, Elizabeth dug hers and Wyatt's clothes out of the trash and got dressed. Once they were gone, she wasted no time in reaching for her rather expensive tequila and drank it straight from the bottle.

"Who needs boyfriends when you have a sister like Elizabeth."

liked by josefnewgarden, scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, and 1,239,512 others

yourinstagram italy photo dump.

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josefnewgarden where was my invite?

⤷ yourinstagram it got lost in the mail.

user1 I find it a little weird that she's in Maranello 🤔

⤷user2 everyone takes a vacation to Maranello, so it's not that weird.

⤷user1 maybe but wearing a Ferrari jacket and going to the Ferrari Museum and then taking a picture of the prancing horse? its sus to me.

user3 If you go to formula one, I swear to God I'll scream.

*liked by yourinstagram*

⤷user4 Y/N LIKED?!?

⤷user5 this pretty much confirms she's going to f1.

user6 that jacket is sooooo cute!

ScuderiaFerrari red looks good on you.

*liked by yourinstagram*

⤷user7 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

user8 there's a reason why there hasn't been a woman in formula one in thirty-three years.

⤷user9 and its because formula one is for men and not women.

⤷user10 if she does to f1, she'll choke under the pressure and go back to indycar.

She'd be lying if she said listening to the Ferrari higher ups talk about what was expected of her once she signed the contract wasn't lowkey terrifying. Ferrari was the dream team. A team every driver wanted to be a part of because of its past successes and rich history. And who wouldn't want to join the likes of Fangio, Lauda, Prost and Schumacher in the Ferrari Hall of fame?

"You with us, y/n?" her lawyer set his hand on her shoulder, getting her attention.

"I'm sorry, but can you repeat that?"

"As we were saying, Ferrari goes deeper than just a brand of car. Many individuals have joined over the years, but many have also cracked under the pressure. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Oh! Definitely."

"If you're so sure, then sign away," Fred slid the contract over the sleek oak table and handed her a pen, hurriedly signing her name on the dotted line. As she set the pen down, it hit her. She was, as of that moment, a formula one driver for Scuderia Ferrari.

She stood up, shaking everyone's hand, stopping at Fred. "Thank you for taking a chance on me. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't." The small French man smiled. "Now, would you like a tour?"

Nodding her head, an older Ferrari employee guided them to the door and started going from room to room, talking intensively about anything and everything Ferrari. It was one thing to see pictures of past drivers and read their achievements, but to lay eyes on the multiple rows of championship winning cars was another. It only made the excitement grow.

That same Ferrari employee saw Charles and immediately waved him over. "Charles! Mate, come meet your new teammate!"

When their eyes met, it was like everything slowed down. It felt as if no one else was in the room but them. Just then, a warm, fuzzy feeling washed over her, and a small flutter of butterflies tickled inside her body. Was this love at first sight? But she just met Charles. There's no way she could possibly fall in love with her new teammate Right?

The corners of the Monegasques' mouth curved into a grin. "I'm Charles."

"I'm Y/n."

His trainer and the Ferrari employee exchanged looks and knew something special had happened between the two drivers. No one looks at someone like that and does not end up together.

"As much as I'd love to stay and chat, I got to get going. We should get together sometime and get to know each other since we're going to be teammates."

"I'd love that!"

They swapped phones, putting each other's numbers in. As the tour continued, she looked over her shoulder and watched him walk away, completely ignoring the Ferrari employee. The season couldn't start fast enough.

liked by yourinstagram, charles_leclerc, josefnewgarden and 4,325,124 others.

scuderiaferrari pushing past expectations and shattering glass ceilings, y/n y/ln makes history by being the first woman since Giovanna Amati in 1992 to race in formula one. Everyone here at Ferrari can't wait to see what you achieve!

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yourinstagram racing for Ferrari has always been a dream of mine since I was a kid and now that's coming to fruition feels amazing. thank you for this opportunity.

⤷scuderiaferrari 🥰❤️

user1 time to stop watching formula one.

⤷user2 if you're going to stop watching formula one all because a woman joined the grid, then that's says a lot about you as a person.

charles_leclerc the season can't start fast enough!

*liked by yourinstagram*

user3 while I'm sad to see her leave IndyCar, I'm excited to see her race in formula one.

lewishamilton this is not only inspirational to me, but many women who want to get into motorsports, or even formula one, but don't because of the rampant sexism and misogyny. I know your career in formula one is going to bright!

⤷yourinstagram you have no idea how much this means to me!

user4 with charles and y/n Ferrari will be unstoppable.

*liked by scuderiaferrari*

user5 Ferrari dominance will bore people.

user6 Ferrari wdc and wcc confirmed!

part two will have ALL the drama.

tagging:

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @patzammit @tinycyberhacker @keenmarvellover @mrspeacem1nusone @lendeluxe @alexxavicry @allenajade-ite @catswag22 @eugene-emt-roe @wcnorris @bibissparkles @cherry-piee @khaylin27 @evie-119

[crimsonfic]

Sanemi Shinazugawa Fanfiction- Turbulence

Foreign Musician Y/N

Subjects: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Violence, Gore, Death, Blood, Vulgar language, Mature Language & Content, other sensitive subjects

8 Chapters

Chapter 5

Chapter Includes: Explicit Language, Mature subjects, Smut, Fluff, Violence

5k Words

As it turns out, Sanemi could not have control over himself with you

He tried.

He really did.

But you were so perfect.

You were attentive at the right times. Quiet at the right time. You weren't pushy, surprisingly, and you were actually pleasant to be around.

It was horrible.

He found himself zoning out just staring at you while you talked, or while you slept.

He had to pull himself out of bed and into town to slay demons. He felt....guilty about feeling so much comfort next to you. Trying to sleep next to you, you looking at him with those expressive fucking eyes, your desire to please him anyway you could, it was too much.

Much more than he should have.

He had one goal. One desire. One purpose. But for some reason none of it mattered as much when he was with you.

That scared him.

—————

Sanemi's POV

"Hey handsome, where'd you go?"

A deep sigh left my chest before I could stop it. It seemed like I was exasperated with her compliments.

Good.

She didn't need to know it was because the sound of her sultry voice did things to me.

"Out." I replied, removing my clothes .

"Obviously." She smiled lazily, cocking her head at me. "Did you have to work or something?"

"Yeah." I answered.

"How was that?" She questioned.

"Fine."

I could see her eyes brighten, but just as quick as it happened she lowered her eyes and looked away, before nodding and replying "Good." With a soft smile on her face.

Damn those fucking beautiful eyes.

"Ask your question." I sighed beginning to remove my clothes.

"Are you sure?"

"Until I change my mind...."

"Okay okay, what is it that you do....exactly? I know I asked before and you said kill. I don't really...um...care what you do....for work.....I just....am curious. You're not just....a...killer...right? Are you....like a um....bounty Hunter or something?"

I have never heard her sound so unsure, mumble, or even say um.

By now I was totally undressed.

"Maybe I'll wait until I finish bathing to tell you exactly what I do."

Those eyes again. They widened. She seemed nervous. Worried that I was going to tell her I just murder people every night I'm sure.

"Okay." She nodded, and then laid back down.

I closed the door to the bathroom and ran my bath.

My mind was conjuring up all the ways it could go wrong telling her that I'm a demon slayer. Are there demons where she's from? It sounds like she has other worries from back home and I've never heard of any stories about demons there.

Who am I kidding?

There's fucking demons here so who the fuck cares if it's a scary thought? It's a fact. It's reality. No sense in sugar coating it. If I don't tell her someone else will eventually. Or she'll see for herself.

————

"Perfect timing"  The fucking vixen said as she brought a plate of food to the living room center table.

"How was your bath?" She asked once I sat down.

"Good." I answered ignoring the wanton look on her face. She was shameless.

"I.....ooh um nevermind. I'm sorry."

My eyes darted back to her face quickly.

"What the fuck is up?" She was being unlike herself. I understood the weird behavior about my work but was she trying to stop herself from flirting with me?

Since fucking when has she cared about coming on too strong. It doesn't even bother me anymore.

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you acting like you can't ask me questions."

I could see a guard go up in her eyes. "You always tell me to stop asking questions-"

"That's never stopped you before!" I threw back. It was petty. But I didn't care. I wanted to get to the bottom of her being cryptic.

"I just don't want to upset you." She replied.

"Since when?" I asked putting the food down untouched.

I was starting to get angry. Is she implying that she can't trust me? Like she doesn't know who I am or something? She's never cared if I was upset with her or not. Atleast she never acted like it. It never stopped her from calling me names I don't like, trying to get to know personal things or doing something I told her not to.

"Sit down." I said before she could say anything else.

She sat down across from me.

"I don't kill people." I said.

She sat on the couch quietly, and nodded slowly.

"I kill demons."

She blinked. And appeared to have froze. After 2 minutes of complete silence she eventually spoke.

"Okay."

"Okay?" I echoed.

"Yeah."

Now I was confused.

"So you've already encountered demons?"

"No."

"You don't have any questions? Other remarks?"

"No." She answered with finality.

I searched her face for any signs of her wavering. I couldn't find any.

"Well do you feel better now that you know what my job is?"

"Yep." She nodded.

I sat and stared at her. There was definitely something wrong. But I truly didn't have the words to convince her to talk to me. Beyond that, she doesn't dive too deep when I'm in a "mood" as she calls it.

I began scarfing down the food she made me. She remained quiet while I ate. Proof that she was still not being herself or was in her head.

When I finished, I got up, and grabbed her off the couch, throwing her over my shoulder.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

"About to fuck you back to normal." I replied with a swift smack to her butt.

"Oh really?" She asked. Her seductress voice sounding more like usual.

That's my girl.

���————

Shocked would be an understatement but since you were at a lost for words that's what you were going to stick with.

Sanemi was sleeping, soundly, and pulled you to his chest himself.

You really couldn't believe it, but you knew better than to comment on it.

Maybe he really did like you too.

Honestly, who were you kidding. He has to like you too. You would never be at his house after spending a night with him, laying on his chest while he slept if he didn't.

These were truly boyfriend behaviors. You knew better than to ask him what this meant for your relationship too though.

As you looked at his silver lashes, you tried to keep your hands where they were instead of touching his handsome face. He looked so much better up close. Getting to stare unabashedly without the distraction of euphoria, really had you wondering how you could ever get so lucky as to be tolerated by this stone of a man.

No, scratch that. Liked, by this man.

Demons.

You quickly shook your head at the intrusive thought.

That was the last thing you wanted to think about but now that you were no longer busy, you knew realistically you would have to face reality. Kind of.

You looked at the scars on his beautiful face and it hit you again.

Demons.

That had to be the cause for the extensive amount of scaring on him. A man as sure of himself and as mean as Sanemi had to face off against something major to be injured so badly.

You lightly traced the scaring across his chest with your fingertips.

Demons.

You inwardly rolled your eyes.

You had to do something. You couldn't just sit there, and sleep wasn't an option.

Slowly, you separated from Sanemi and left the bed as quiet as possible.

Once you were dressed, you left to the living room to find a note pad where you wrote "don't wait up. See you soon."

You had to busy yourself. If you stayed busy, your mind would be busy, and you wouldn't have to face that startlingly discovery.

———

You walked around town until you came across a trinket shop. You spent a lot of time there after talking to the owner who sold many of his handmade jewelry and knives. You spoke with him in great detail about his designs and his craftsmanship. He seemed delighted to discuss those things with you too, a huge smile on his face as he spoke to you.

By the time you left you had purchased way more than you intended to. You were happy though, and it was a good amount of time keeping the anxiety off of your mind for a while.

You decided to head home for a little while too. However you noticed as you got closer to the house, the more that dread crept up your neck and made you feel sick.

When you made it home you were not as relieved as you thought you would be to see the guys.

"Hey! Didn't expect to see you so soon." Brass greeted you from where he was lounging on the floor beside the couch.

Above him Frank was laid out on the couch while Muddy sat in the chair adjacent.

It appeared they had been working on music.

"Yeah, same." You replied.

"We'll why are you back? And what do you have?" Muddy asked.

"Jewelry, and because. It's....a lot."

No one spoke for a while.

"Okay and?" Brass responded. "We're all sitting here, not going anywhere so go on and tell us."

Frank sat up and gestured for you to sit next to him.

"I don't....I don't really know how to....say." You mumbled taking the newly open seat.

"Try." Frank said patting your back when you sat down.

They were all worried. You weren't usually one lost for words.

Muddy sat forward in his seat, eyes zeroed in on you. "Did something happen with Sanemi?"

The way your eyes showed a series of emotions at the mention of his name gave Brass pause, making him sit up from the floor.

"Did he do something to you?" He asked.

"No no no." You said, tone far away. "He told me....well....hmm...what if he's crazy?"

"Crazy how?" Muddy asked.

"Like....delusional."

"Aw hell. What did he say?" Brass groaned.

You glanced at Frank and his eyes were piercing as he waited for your answer. He nodded to you, encouraging you to continue.

"He said he fights demons."

Silence.

"Yeah don't we all." Muddy laughed.

"No. Listen. He fights demons for work. Physically, in real life."

This time, the guys all exchanged a look. You couldn't read this one.

After atleast 4 minutes of silence, "Somebody say something." You said.

"So, someone else told me about demons here before too." Muddy answered

"Honestly, the whole town thinks there are demons."

"I believe them." Brass said.

"Wait, you've never heard this before?" Muddy interjected.

"No." You answered.

"How?"

"The important question is, do you really think Sanemi is delusional? I mean now that you know majority of the people we encounter believe there to be demons here, you'll be fine right?" Frank asked

"Of course not! Because the alternative is that there are demons!"

"She has a point." Brass said.

"I need a drink. Anybody else?" Muddy said standing up and going into the kitchen.

"Yeah."

"Me"

"Sure." The three of you answered simultaneously.

———

"Hey, we should go see if we can find a demon." Frank said

Immediately Brass started laughing.

"This always happens, why do we let Frank drink? Here Frank stick to smokes man." Muddy said pushing the ashtray across the coffee table towards him.

"What do you mean? That would help us confirm if these demons are real." Frank answered casually grabbing the wooden pipe from the tray.

"If they are in fact real, what do you think would happen to us when we're in front of it. They take human souls!" Brass basically shouted.

"Yeah, pure souls! We have nothing to worry about.

To your horror, Muddy and Brass seemed to accept this explanation and be pondering it.

"Okay. No. That's enough. Nobody is going to look for demons, also our definition of pure and a demonic definition of pure may be two different things. Let's drop it. Please!" You said.

"Oh yeeeeah, you're right." Brass nodded.

"Well maybe we can ask lover boy Sanemi about it." Muddy said.

"No to that too."

"We can't do anything." Frank sighed.

You sat back further into the couch. You felt bad for leaving Sanemi while he slept after he had been a completely different person, but you really couldn't think there. You were overwhelmed with this new information and didn't know what you should think. What you should do.

Are you supposed to just keep living life as normal? How?

It was insane to even consider.

Ironically, alcohol seemed to calm your nerves. While still anxious however, you felt significantly less stressed.

"I'm gonna go back to Sanemi." You said out loud.

"Sounds good." Muddy nodded.

"Yeah he's probably worried. His feelings are probably hurt. He probably thinks he ran you away." Frank said.

It felt like you had been dunked in ice water as realization hit you. Frank was right.

Considering everything, you had chosen the worst time to "clear your head".

"Oh no." You groaned. "I've gotta go."

You stood, feeling the effects of the alcohol you drank. Little silver stars were dancing around your vision.

"Should we walk you? Does he live far from here?" Muddy said.

"No, you'll probably slow me down. I'll be okay." You answered.

"You look a little drunk."

You shrugged. A little is nothing. You've done more than simply walk to someone's house while under the influence. You'd be back to normal halfway through the walk.

You gathered all of the new things you just purchased and grabbed more clothes just in case.

The more you thought about it, the more you realized you were running out of time. It had been too many hours since you left with no explanation. Your little note probably meant nothing. You had to hurry.

———-

The trees cast an extra shadow over everything around you as you made your way through the thick forest. You weren't expecting it to be so dark so soon but you hadn't accounted for the cover of the forest. The walk wasn't as comforting as it was in the mornings or mid-day.

You had just gotten more comfortable with the minimal light when someone fell into step beside you.

What the?

It was so sudden you couldn't fathom that someone could've been following you but they had to have been behind you.

You slowed your pace, planning to stop walking. To your surprise the figure slowed their pace as well. You glanced at them seeing that they were covered in a dark cloak so you couldn't make out any details.

Abruptly you stopped walking. This was mirrored by the individual in the cloak.

"Can I help you?" You asked ignoring the sinking feeling that began growing in your gut.

"Yes you can." The voice was something from a nightmare. It didn't sound human at all, and it sounded malicious. It was haunting. Something that you hear and immediately know it's other worldly.

You took a step back but froze when the head of the cloaked figure snapped in your direction.

"Where do you think you're going? I haven't even introduced myself yet."

The cloaked figure then laughed. Your blood ran cold at the sound.

"I've seen you before. You walk through my woods often. But I got the biggest treat of all seeing you with that damn Hashira. He's usually always alone. So I was surprised to see him with someone. A woman no less."

Another laugh. This time more high pitched.

"I'm gonna have some fun with you. Im gonna use you. You see, it's a weakness of mine to play with my food before devouring it. That wild hair Hashira seems unbreakable. But I think I've found just the do  we thing to break him." A more deranged laugh sounded in the air. "A friend, or a lover perhaps!" His tone crescendoed with each word. He was excited. This shook you to your core.

You were rooted to your spot, your brain trying to understand what was happening, your body tremoring with fear and disbelief.

The cloaked figure removed his hood.

Your legs gave out before you could even register what was happening. You had never seen anything like what was before you.

It wasn't human. You knew this but seeing it made a difference. His, or it's skin was grayish green, his teeth were sharp, too big to fully close his mouth, he had multiple horns protruding from the sides of his face, and his eyes, his eyes glowed sinisterly.

But that wasn't even the worst part. The fact that he was drooling was the nail in the coffin.

"I'll take...just a little piece. Nothing big, just something small but noticeable."

You couldn't even hold eye contact any longer once he began stalking towards you.

Every single step he took toward you sent a tremor down your spine. You kept your head down, too afraid to catch another glimpse at him. Too afraid to move. Too afraid to stay really but you were paralyzed with fear.

A single cold but firm hand grabbed your chin and raised your head up slowly.

The last thing you heard was that haunting laugh.

————

You woke up in a lightly lit, unfamiliar room. You felt strangely relaxed despite being in an unknown room.

Vaguely you registered that someone else was present. Before you could take in anymore of your surroundings, the sound of feet padding down the hallway came. You didn't know whether to be afraid or what, but your body responded on its own. A deep violent tremor shook you. Enough to catch the attention of the person in the room.

"Hey. you're awake now? Don't be frightened, you're safe here."

Your eyes met the owner of the voice and you felt a tiny sense of relief. It was a young girl. A human. Something worth noting now. She didn't give you any negative vibes. In fact, the more you came to, you could see that she was caring for you. She was mixing medicines and herbs together where she was seated.

Only then did you register that you were hurt. Or had been hurt. You looked down at your arms and noticed your left forearm was bandaged. There was a tender ache and slight burning present. You raised your arm and that's when the true extent of your experience hit you.

It felt like you had fallen from a 5 story building. Your entire body felt weak and achey.

The young girl in the room began to speak but was quickly cut off by the door being thrown open.

Sanemi walked quickly over to you in the bed and looked over you. His body was tense but his eyes were in a frenzy. He snatched the covers back looking over your legs. He appeared to relax a bit as his eyes did a final once over your whole body and sight landed back on your bandaged arm.

"Can you walk?" He asked. His voice slightly raised.

"I-" you tried to speak, voice cracking from not being used.

"Mr. Sanemi, she shouldn't-"

The young girl stopped speaking when Sanemi's head turned to her.

"Sh-sh she....really shouldn't l-leave." She finished despite the obvious fear, her hands clasped together.

"That's too bad isn't it?" He all but growled.

"Please," she tried again but this time Sanemi ignored her, grabbing you and throwing you over his shoulder.

You didn't have a chance to protest and truthfully you didn't think you would. You felt relieved to see him. Being in his arms, although unconventionally, made you feel so much better.

You didn't speak as he made his way outside.

It was only when you neared the forest that the urge to speak came to you.

Sanemi didn't need to hear you though. He felt you before you got any words out. Your body tensed as you realized you were starting into the woods.

"Relax. You're with me. Nothing is going to happen to you. I promise." He told you sincerely.

It was like a blanket of warmth was thrown over you. Just a few simple words and you felt at ease. Of course you didn't know Sanemi long, but you trusted him with every fiber of your being. You knew he would keep you safe.

You'd never know the satisfaction you'd given Sanemi with just your body language. He felt like he's just conquered the world feeling you relax beneath his fingertips. The fact that you believed him after who knows what happened to you made him feel incredibly warm inside. He both loved and hated it.

You continued on in silence. Sanemi's grip on you strong and comforting. You hardly felt jostled despite the fact that he was walking. You were so relaxed you could sleep.

His effect on you was unique. You were almost airheaded with him. So much so, you didn't even register that he basically threw you on the ground. You were perplexed but the swirl of wind, leaves, and twigs around you, told you something was going on. It took a second for you to realize what kind of commotion was happening around you. A loud roar rang out before you felt a slight tremor on the ground beneath you. Your eyes followed the direction of the noise and you saw the largest grotesquely built thing you've ever seen. With yellowed glistening skin, something akin to an ogre came running at you, a spiked club in hand.

You knew that you needed to move, but you could barely feel your legs. You tried to get up, you really did, but it was going to be too late. He closed in on you fast, and you could only brace yourself. The attack never came though. A gust of wind wafted onto you and you opened you squinted eyes, wondering why the monster stopped. Just a few more seconds and you could see. A thin red line was visible, running directly down the center of his body, Then it grew. His body splitting into two halves.

You faintly registered Sanemi's voice saying "fuck" as your vision grew dark. You were fighting the strong urge to vomit, feeling super nauseous after what you witnessed.

"Get up!"

Sanemi's command was loud and urgent. You couldn't see him, and you couldn't tell where he was. Your nausea making it that much harder to focus on what was happening around you.

You were trying to stand when you felt Sanemi grab you and move you to a different spot. The sound of snarls and grunts surrounding you. What you couldn't see before you were able to see now that Sanemi was right in front of you. There were numerous demons coming at you two, from all sides.  You wanted to be better, stronger, to help him somehow but you just felt sick to your stomach. You didn't care what happened to you but if Sanemi got hurt you would lose your mind. How would he be able to get out of this?

Your question was answered when you felt that powerful surge of wind around you. Sanemi was almost a blur moving around you and killing each and every one of those things. Your head was spinning.

You're not sure what happened after, but the next thing you see is Sanemi taking off his bloodied jacket, turning it inside out and wiping your face. You just watched him, seeing a calmness in his eyes that you only seen once before. When he finished he slightly smiled at you.

"You okay?" He asked.

Your heart skipped a couple of beats for sure. "Yes." You answered. Your voice coming out just above a whisper.

"Come on." He replied, lifting you up from the ground to your feet. "I can carry you if you don't mind a bit of demon blood."

You could only nod this time. Reeling from both the softness in his voice and the thought of what just happened.

He picked you up, and held you bridal style before continuing on his path.

You were both silent the rest of the way to his house. It wasn't until he placed you on your feet in front of his door that he spoke again.

"Would you want to bathe together?" He asked opening his door and then taking your hand to lead you inside.

"Yes." You said quietly.

Sanemi led you to the bathroom, and helped you undress. He then got the bath ready before coming to you with a wet cloth and wiping down the small splatters of blood that were on you.

When he finished he told you not to move before leaving the bathroom. You waited just a couple of minutes before he walked back in clean but also dripping with water. His hair pushed back showing his handsome features.

He walked over to his tub and stopped the water before pouring what looked like oil into the water. After moving the water around, mixing the oil, he came and took your hand, to help you into the warm water.

He sat down and then pulled you to sit on his lap. He wrapped his strong arms around you and sunk a bit deeper into the tub.

"Just relax." He said.

And that's exactly what you did. The pain in your arm more noticeable now that you were still. It was nothing though, in the grand scheme of things. Minor really.

"I'm sorry." You said suddenly.

"For?" Sanemi asked. His deep voice smooth and even.

"For worrying you."

He let out a long sigh. Then he patted the top of your head. "Who said I was worried?"

You turned your face toward him. To look into his eyes.

"I'm serious." You told him.

"I am too." He smirked.

"You use the one time I'm serious with you to joke?"

"Isn't that what you would do?" His smirk grew.

You couldn't even help the smile that bloomed. He was so handsome, and he looked even better when he was smiling, and happy.

"Okay lover, you got me there." It was your turn to smirk. Using one of the many nicknames he hated.

"Watch it vixen, or I might just have to put you in your place."

"Oh please do."

His eyes widened momentarily, before he started to laugh. "Already back to normal huh? You're something else. But I'm with you if you're ready."

You couldn't believe it. "Reeeally?" You mused.

"Yesss." Sanemi echoed your tone, dragging out his answer like you did.

You wasted no time in positioning yourself just right so that you could guide him inside of you.

"I think I really enjoy this playful, meeting me where I am, San." You wiggled your bottom slightly, making sure you were perfectly perched on his member. "I may need to get hurt more often." You laughed lightly. Already heating up from having him inside you.

"Not funny. Too soon." Sanemi replied, his grip tightening around your waist, while the hand that was lightly resting atop your head tangled into your hair, pulling your head back gently.

Before you could say anything else he kissed just below your ear. It was soft and it was sensual. It set the tone for the night.

————

You had been laying together, in all your post sex bliss, for atleast an hour. Mostly just cuddling or caressing one another. You could tell Sanemi had something on his mind which is why you stayed quiet. You appreciated that he didn't push you away and was being almost romantic. Even if just for the night, you wouldn't take it for granted.

Of course, unbeknownst to you, Sanemi was truly relieved you were okay. After all of this time, he wouldn't be able to go on the way he used to if something happened to you. He genuinely cared for you.

It's why you were shocked to hear the uncertainty in his tone when he asked you a question.

"What happened? Last night I mean. Do you want to talk about it?”

It took you a few seconds to answer. To be honest, you don't remember anything after he, or it, grabbed you.

Answering truthfully, you told Sanemi just that.

"Do you remember what it looked like?"

"No."

He nodded. "I guess that could be a good thing for you."

You could tell he wasn't satisfied with your answer.

"I can try to remember." You told him.

He shook his head. "No, it's okay. Don't worry about it. No need to have any bad memories." He said running his hand down your back soothingly.

"I'm sorry."

"No more of that," he answered.

"If I remember anything, you'll be the first to know." You smiled lightheartedly.

"Thanks." He said. "Now, get some rest."

You smiled but said nothing as you followed his orders. You turned away from him, now facing the window, with your back against his chest. You grabbed the hand that was on your back and pulled it to your chest.

Sanemi got the memo, and scooted closer, securing you against him in a warm embrace.

He kissed your temple and said "goodnight".

"Goodnight San." You mumbled before easily drifting off into sleep. Unaware of just how much rest you needed.

"I love you."

*******

Prev | Next

[michanvalentine]

Vincent's slumber

I don't know if anyone has already talked about it, I'm relatively new to social media (and I have the same skill as Vincent in using it). In any case, I share this thought that I have always had, but which with the release of Rebirth came back to my mind stronger than ever. I'm talking about Vincent's sleep. Nothing that comprehends how long it lasted, whether he woke up from time to time to do who knows what or whether he instead remained locked in the coffin for the entire time until Cloud arrived. Maybe I'll talk about this in the future, who knows. Instead, I would like to focus on why Vincent needs so much sleep. In the OG it would seem that he slept for 30 years straight, later with the expansion of the FF VII compilation we learned that there were moments of wakefulness. Even in FF Rebirth, Vincent's crypt seems way more comfortable than a plain one and Vincent's own statements suggest that he has experienced something in the meantime. In any case, we can safely say that Vincent Valentine is a sleepyhead, who spends much of his time sleeping (or napping around, poor Cait Sith). In DoC we saw him dozing under the Nibelheim tree (I hope in one of his moments of pause as a bodyguard, lol), where he and Lucrecia had their picnic. So our hero loves to sleep. Subsequently, after being used for Hojo and Lucrecia's experiments, in DoC Vincent remained in suspended animation in the tube for an unspecified period. Basically asleep. We currently don't know when he woke up, where he got his amazing cloak, and how he ended up lying in a coffin. Always sleeping. Surely after everything that happened to him, poor guy, being depressed, hiding from the world, self-punishing, etc, is quite understandable. And this would explain why he continues to sleep. Until a certain degree. For starters, I've always thought that the reason why, once Chaos and Protomateria were implanted, Vincent didn't wake up immediately was because his body needed time to adapt. To recover. We know that Hojo gave him a virtually indestructible body, but even so the burden of Chaos and the other demons/monsters is physically too much to bear. So both Hojo and Lucrecia thought they had failed in their experiment, precisely because Vincent didn't wake up. Even after regaining consciousness, Vincent continued to sleep in his beloved coffin, because he was unable to come to terms with what happened and what he has become, certainly, but also because physically it was still too much for him. He still has to recover, adapt, struggle for every little thing. And we don't even know how much he needs to hold back to control his four roommates. And we are talking about powerful and dangerous creatures. Chief among these is Chaos, a primordial god of destruction. All this must have a weight, which certainly weighs on the body as well as the soul. In Rebirth this thing seems even more evident to me, starting from the phrase: "Being outside is exhausting, I hate it." Ok, it makes me smile too, if you think about how introverted, antisocial, etc, he is. Plus he's trying to understand and adjust to all the changes that have occurred during the thirty years he's lost, but perhaps the myriad stimuli in the outside world are also exhausting him physically. Because he is not alone, there are five of him inside him, and we don't know exactly how Vincent Valentine perceives the world and on which and how many levels. Certainly, as Rebirth points out, he is very sensitive to everything dark and supernatural.

The Rebirth also gives us the opportunity to better observe the transformation into the Galian Beast. Vincent grabs his head, writhes, screams and the beast takes his place. It is a painful process, which requires physical effort. Not only that, but by the end of the fight, Vincent is completely exhausted. He barely manages to get back on his feet, his arms dangling, his head too, and the steps that separate him from the crypt are difficult and very heavy to take. A painful sight to even watch (at least until he rolls over in the doorway, lol). And no, it doesn't depend on the attacks of Cloud and company, you just need to look at Reno's face after the clash in which sector 7 collapsed to realize it.

Vincent is not injured, his body is indestructible, he doesn't have a scratch, he doesn't limp, he doesn't hold his side or arm where he was hit. No. He is simply emptied, drained, exhausted in every cell of the body by the transformation. What he does is go back to sleep, he needs it, to recover from the effort. Only then will he join Cloud and the others on the Tiny Bronco. This also happens in DoC, during the first meeting/fight with Rosso the Crimson in the city of Edge. When Vincent regains control of himself, after Chaos' intervention, he collapses directly onto the streets of Edge. As long as Shalua gives him the opportunity and time to recover in the tube, at the WRO headquarters. The same thing will happen later after the battle with Azul the Cerulean. Vincent loses consciousness and later wakes up on the floor of the Shinra building. So to conclude, I always thought that yes, he loved to snooze when he was younger. Now he's dozing because he's a grandpa, and maybe he had nothing better to do in the basement of the Shinra Mansion, but he often really, really needs to rest. Physiologically speaking, as far as Valentine's physiology is known. Because being him, Vincent freaking Valentine, is quite a burden.

All the images do not belong to me, I thank those who shared them on the web!

[lemoncrushh]

Cubicle // 4) Anticipation

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 925

Friday // Roni

It's Friday morning and I'm feeling refreshed because for once I slept like a baby. This time I was smart. As soon as I crawled under the covers last night I masturbated thinking about Harry. Then I fell right to sleep.

Harry and I had a nice lunch yesterday. It was lovely weather so we walked to the end of the block to Cafe Meringue and sat outside. He made jokes as we people watched, and once he made me laugh so hard I had to excuse myself to the ladies' room. I really enjoyed his company, and I was thrilled that this was just a prelude to tonight's date.

The idea that there was a possibility of Harry kissing me goodnight was titillating and overwhelming. When we got back to the office and separated to our respective cubicles, I let my mind wander to the thought until I was jerked back into reality by Gerard who asked me to type something for him.

The rest of the day's tasks kept me busy and before I knew it, it was time to leave. I didn't see Harry again, but when I was sitting on the couch eating leftovers and watching Friends reruns, I got a text from him.

Lunch again tomorrow?

My inner teenager squealed as I replied.

Mr. Styles, you're going to get sick of me before we even have our first date.

His next text had me biting my lip.

I doubt that.

I pondered what to say when he texted again.

If if makes you feel better, we can consider today our first date. So by the time we go out tomorrow night, it will already be our third.

I giggled as I wrapped a strand of hair around my finger.

I'd like that.

So yes to lunch?

Yes.

Harry

Yes. I must have stared at the word for an hour. Three little letters, but they aroused me so much. I wanted to kick myself for not calling her instead. I might have been lucky enough to hear her say it over the phone in her sexy voice. Yes.

I played it cool yesterday at lunch. I was a gentleman, but didn't overdo it. I offered to buy her meal, but she insisted she pay for her own. I cracked some jokes which she laughed at. Like a genuine laugh, not the fake laugh that some girls do because they think the chap will like them better. On the walk back to the office, I kept my hands in my pockets merely to keep myself from touching her. I wanted to wrap my arm around her waist or even hold her hand as juvenile as that sounds. But I knew neither would be appropriate. Damn, this woman is actually making me hold off on the things I really want to do. Hopefully, all that will change tonight.

Okay, I'm not a total wanker. I think I know how to treat a lady. I'm not going to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. But let me say this. Anything she is willing to do, I'm all for it. I know I haven't even known her a week yet, but I've spent almost every waking moment fantasizing about her in some sort of sexual position. I can't get her out of my mind.

Like right now, I'm supposed to be working on a report for a client, but instead I'm anticipating lunch with Roni. There's not really that many places to eat within walking distance, so I'll probably have to take her somewhere in my car. The thought of her sat next to me, her long legs and tight skirt against the leather seat is enough to give me a boner.

I haven't seen her yet this morning. I must have missed her in the parking lot because I spotted her car when I pulled in. I hoped maybe I'd catch her in the break room, but the only people I saw when I walked in were Gerard and his salesman buddy whose name escapes me, so I quickly got my tea and returned to my desk.

Roni

Shit. Shit, shit shit! I can't fucking believe this.

When Greta returned to her office and I finally had a moment alone in my cubicle, I texted Harry. I could already feel his disappointment before I even sent it.

Harry, I'm so very sorry. I have to cancel lunch today. There's a sales luncheon that I had to organize, but I had no idea I have to be present.

I gnawed at my fingernails as I waited for his text. Instead, my phone rang.

"Harry, I'm —" I began when I answered it.

"It's okay," Harry interrupted. "Can't say I'm not disappointed. I was looking forward to it. At least we still have tonight."

"Yes, definitely," I assured him.

"Hopefully you won't cancel on me."

Ugh, my heart ached. "No, never, I promise!"

"Alright then," Harry voiced in his low sexy tone. "I'll give you a call later to get your address."

"Sounds lovely," I replied.

"Have fun at your luncheon," he teased.

"Fuck, Harry," I groaned under my breath. "This is going to be torture. I might as well bring a pillow and take a nap."

Harry chuckled as we said our goodbyes. Then I looked at the time on my phone. 11:52AM. Eight hours until our date. I took a deep breath and made my way towards the conference room, hoping the rest of the day would fly by.

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

[heliosthegriffin]

Shadow Knight and Magic Girls XIV

AO3 Link

Chapter 14

-----

Jaune really wanted to close his eyes. They feel so heavy, like someone had tied anvils to his eyelids. He couldn't take a nap though, not where he could be watched. Uncle-, Big Bear would hear about it.

He had to be a representative of the Xiongs.

He looked down at his test. Jaune hadn't even wrote his name down. What class period was he even in, had he had lunch yet? No. So, it had to be before lunch...

Maybe, he should look at the questions? ... Still no clue. He got up, getting attention from across the room. "Mr. Arc?"

"Just stretching."

"Can it wait until after the test?"

"No."

The teacher gave a frail smile. "Well, I'd much appreciate it if-"

Jaune leaned back, a series of bullet-loud pops echoing across the room. Several students flinched, looking up from the test for the source of the test, others covering they're ears at the sudden noise, and a couple nodded they're head finding the sound oddly pleasing.

"Nevermind." The teacher sat down, and so did Jaune. He started to remember what class he was in. Something something science. Usually he slept through it.

He looked at the questions again. It was asking about chemical change, was he is chemistry?

It was dumbly worded though, bland enough he wish had some salt to put on it.

Still, he knew the answer to this one strangely enough, he had done a lot of experimenting in his early days of monster-fighting, so he knew a bit about chemical change.

It was asking for a example, and he wrote gunpowder, explaining how when a spark hit it, it created a chemical reaction that made a small explosion and smoke.

Jaune nodded to himself.

Reading the rest of the questions, he realize that all of them he sorta of knew the answer too, especially since they all related, to one degree or another, to his experiments.

Once figured out, Jaune handed over his test to the teacher, who took it, reading over it.

Exiting out into the hallway, Jaune made his way down the hallway to find a secluded place to close his eyes for a bit. Turning around the corner, he took a step to the side, as a faunus girl almost walked into him.

She paused mid-step to look at him, eye's going wide. "Wait-"

"Yes?" Jaune paused.

"Um..." She stuttered. "Thank you."

"For what?" Jaune couldn't remember ever-, oh. "Oh the purse. Get everything back? Nothing missing?"

"Yes!" She nodded, her rabbit ears bobbing slightly, Jaune found himself unable to look away from them. "Thanks to you." She noticed his gaze and blushed. "Sorry, I don't want to bother you."

The Xiong heir-to-be shrugged. "It's fine, I was just going to nap. Nothing major."

"Oh!" She brightened up. "Then, you wouldn't mind if I treated you to a drink? My treat?" Her rabbit ears twitched forward, the ends drooping slightly.

He couldn't look away, Jaune realized. So, just slowly nodded.

"Great!" She gave a chirp. Then looked nervously at him. "Oh! I haven't introduced myself. I'm Velvet, Velvet Scarlatina."

"Jaune, Jaune Xiong Arc."

----

"So, do you girls believe in ghosts?" Nora asked the table.

"No. That has no scientific backing." Weiss said firmly.

Her fellow comrades stared her down ruthlessly, with a expression of 'really?'.

"Well, I do." Nora said proudly. "In fact, I've met one or two, right Ren?"

"They weren't ghosts," Ren said flatly. "She found my parents in a ... intimate moment, and they ran hiding under some white sheets."

"Same thing!"

Ren sighed. "No, because my parents are very alive, this happened yesterday."

"OH." Nora hit her palm with her hand. "That's right. Sorry." She looked around the table. "By the way, Jaune. Renny's parents want to know when you're coming by, they miss you!"

There was no Jaune at the table.

"Oh." Nora drooped sadly. "My boy has grown up." Then perked back up. "We'll, I'll just have to find and tell him myself!" Then disappeared in a blur of manic energy.

"Shouldn't you mind that?" Blake asked Ren, who shrugged.

"Jaune can handle that."

Blake nodded. "Do your parents actually miss him?"

Ren smiled. "Yes."

Ruby poked Weiss in the ribs. "So, don't believe in ghosts?" Yang joined in poking her other set of ribs. "Yeah? Don't believe in ghosts?"

Weiss squirmed being poked repeatedly. "Stop that! The idea of ghosts is just so illogical to me."

Pyrrha cocked her head at Weiss. "And? You don't have an opened mind to it, with your own circumstances, it seems even more illogical not to consider it."

"Ok. Point taken. But, that doesn't mean I believe in them."

Ruby laughed. "Gosh, Weiss, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were afraid of them with how much you don't want to be real!"

Weiss looked away, saying nothing.

Yang brightened up. "Oh. This is golden."

Blake peered at Weiss. "So, ghosts?"

"My childhood home was drafty that's all. It pushed doors open, perfectly logical explanation, I'm sure. The cold spots were just because of poor construction. The moans were just echos." Weiss fired off trying to explain it, mostly to herself.

"Geez," Yang chuckled, backing off. "Alright, it's fine. Not like ghosts are going to hurt anyone."

Ruby put a arm around Weiss. "Don't worry, we'll kick any ghost butts that try to haunt you!"

Weiss sighed. "Thank you, Ruby."

Blake looked at Ren. "You didn't say what you think about Ghosts?"

"Neither did you girls."

"I think we're pretty open minded. " Blake said, with all but Weiss nodding.

"Hmm. That's good." Ren sipped his tea. "I'd just say, they're not the strangest things to exist."

------

The door opened, revealing a dark room, Velvet flipped a switch, and Jaune went bug-eyed at the sight. 'There's no way this is real.' He looked around the room, trying to make sense of what he was looking at. 'But, it's here.' He looked at Velvet with a bit of fear.

It was a room entirely of him. As the Shadow Knight, not normal him, thank his ancestors it wasn't. But, all across the room was pictures of his alter ego, boards full of text, rare-video of him being played, and what he could only know as a half-way decent reconstruction of his first costume.

Jaune fought the urge to burn the room to cinders, he looked around, wishing very strongly to have brought a lighter to school. He'd know better from this day forward. Flint and steel, too.

"Excuse the mess," Velvet said meekly, then gestured to a chair. "Take a seat, while I brew some tea." Jaune sat down, staring at he wood, desperate to not see all his pictures, this was embarrassing to a level he didn't know existed.

"Oh, I didn't realize you were that tired." He heard Velvet say, causing him to snap back up. "I don't mind if you drift off for a bit. It'll take a moment to make the tea, anyway."

He was very tempted to do so. However, he decided to not do so. Embarrassing or not, he needed to figure out what the hell this all was. So for the moment, Jaune watched Velvet move around getting the tea leaves and setting the water to boil.

Velvet then took a seat parallel from him, looking shy. "Do you like black tea?"

He wasn't a big tea drinker, but he'd try anything once, foodwise at least. "Yeah, that sounds fine."

"Great." Silence mostly filled the room, other than sound of the water slowly boiling.

"What is all this?" Jaune decided to bite the bullet, gesturing around the room at ... all of that. "It's ... through."

She blushed. "It's not that great, it's just a bit of hobby."

Then he'd hate to see what really caught her interest. He looked at the replica of his old suit on a mannequin. "Yeah, a hobby. We all need one." Jaune watched a video of him decking a someone with Ferrum Vis, his old pipe, he missed it already. The video then showed him running away from the police, that had been a couple weeks ago, wasn't it?

Velvet nodded energetically. "Yep! Well, it's more than a hobby now, but it started out as such." Her ears wobbled. "I have a hard time talking to people. Now's not much better, though. I only really have Coco."

Jaune could understand that. "Yeah, people are strange creatures." Velvet looked down. "Not that you are, just in general." Jaune backpedaled.

"Thanks. But, I know this is weird, but ... I feel so drawn to him. It's like he's more than a man. It's just big thing to solve to me, a puzzle with so many moving parts! It's makes it all the more fun to try and figure it out." Velvet's voice grew in energy as she talked. "Like why does he do it? Who is he? When did he starts? It's all so many questions without answers."

"Maybe, that's for the detectives to figure out." Jaune added neutrally.

Velvet sighed. "I asked them, but they don't care. They have more pressing matters, other than some, and I quote, 'Crack-head bum getting into pissing matches with gang-bangers,'." Velvet frowned, and Jaune fought the urge to pet her. "How rude. But, I guess that's the best I could ask for, at least they didn't turn me away like some would."

That was actually a relief to Jaune. Knowing that police didn't think much of him, which he hoped to keep that way. Though, it did beg the question how much they knew? Maybe, he should take some time to find out?

Big Bear had hardly had any information on the shadow monsters, other than what his family passed down, and what he already knew.

Jaune thought about that book he found, it had mentioned The Moon Lady summoning darkness monsters? This went back several hundred years minimum, and he hadn't managed to cross-reference the story yet, so it's impossible to tell how old it was. It could have very well been written by somebody in the know, or just some guy.

Jaune sighed.

Velvet then misinterpreted this. "I know, right? The lack of interest in the topic is staggering, we have a actual modern day hero going around fighting for us, and no one cares, or hardly knows."

Jaune would fight her on that, given how many people had called to him as the Shadow Knight.

She then looked at Jaune hopefully. "What do you think about it all, Jaune?"

The blonde young man swallowed. "I think ... he's doing his best. Not perfect, but I think this 'Knight' is trying to make the world better, as much as one man can... Even if it kills him."

Velvet's ear's slowly stood up, her eyes widened, and she gave him a wide-happy smile. "I knew it! A good guy like you would surely get it!"

The kettle whistled.

"Let me get that." Velvet said happily, then sat a cup of steaming tea in front of him. Jaune took a whiff of it, it was very floral. Then brought out his lunch-box. It's weight making the table groan as he sat it down.

Velvet looked in shock at what must be a body-builder sized meal. "Wow." Then she looked at the clock. "Oh. I guess it is about lunch-time." Then went and retrieved her own lunch from the back of the room.

------

Yellow flew over the harbor, bored out of her mind. She had to control her power output while she flew, to keep anything sensitive from noticing her. It put her in a bad mood, as her control was by far her weakest trait.

Still, she had promised the rest that she would do her part and parole for a couple hours. It sucked that people were getting killed over here, but it's like all the people at the harbor were upstanding citizens to begin with. She honestly thought, that they're energy was best used going after Grimm Swarms, even if individually they were more than enough to handle that.

Still, flying in circles trying to sense something that might not be there anymore was driving her nuts, she really just wanted to pound some Grimm heads into oblivion.

She looked at the dark sky, realizing it was probably close to midnight now. They usually got done around 1, but sometimes as late as 3. Thankfully, for her beauty-sleep, was one of the perks for being a magical girl, along with Aura, was a reduced need for sleep. Otherwise they'd be useless by daylight.

Though, she still did miss sleeping in.

In the distance she spotted a crimson-glow making its way towards her.

"Hello, Yellow." Crimson greeted her politely.

"Hey, Crimson. Am I done, yet?"

"Indeed you are, feel free to go-" Crimson wasn't even halfway done, before Yellow took off.

"Great!"

Crimson shook her head, and got to patrolling. As a cargo-ship was coming in from the darkness, a heavy and thick fog following in behind it. Orange sparks appearing inside the dark mass only to then disappear.

----

Jaune looked at the rapidly dissolving mass of shadows, then at his ax. It was ridiculously sharp. It had cut through the head of a small shadow-wolf with next to no effort on his part.

It was a big step up from using Spite, the knife had been getting dull, and wasn't very high quality to begin with.

This was going to make combat going forward at lot more efficient.

Taking a breath, he organized his thoughts and controlled his breathing, time to find another one.

He tapped his helmet. "Hey, girls. Anything on your end?" The twins were sitting back at the van keeping a eye out, ready to take pot-shots at anything that got too close.

'Nope.' Miltiades answered.

'Nothing of interest.' Her sister also responded.

"Alright, then."

Jaune went on a stroll, trying to see if he sense any more of them out tonight. But, so far, other than a few stragglers, it had been unusally quiet tonight.

Which would be fine with him, if not for the feeling of dread collecting in his stomach.

He stopped moving, feeling a chill down his back, and looked behind him.

There was a girl with pink and brown hair staring at him from the other end of the alley, she had a parasol over her shoulder, and looked amused.

Jaune stared back. She smiled, and then gave a 'follow me,' motion before running off. He had a bad feeling about her.

He followed anyway.

She was fast, hardly able to keep up, as she practically danced in the air in front of him. It was unnerving. But, he kept pace, running for what must have been ten minutes, with her not even straining.

Then she stopped abruptly, as they rounded in front of a store that had been broken into. A dense heavy fog was surrounding the store, as from within two large, lumbering shadow-wolves scooped up in they're clumsy arms whatever valuables they could, before venturing back into the fog.

Jaune stopped, looking in utter confusion at the sight, trying and failing to figure out what the hell was going on. Analyzing the beasts, before noticing a single glowing sigil on they're heads.

That of a Fox.

He looked back at the girl, then sighed, as she was gone. He looked at the store, and the retreating shadow-wolves disappearing into hardly-visible shapes in the fog.

"Well, well, well." A cocky voice came from above him. "Look who we have here?" Jaune looked up to see the vague-shape of girl glowing yellow, and felt his heart start beating rapidly. "What brings you round these parts, mister Shadow-Knight?"

"Wait-" He didn't get a chance to finish.

"'Cause, it looks like to me that you're robbing the place! Well, whatever, I've been itching for round two for a week now!"

[lonelyshuichilover]

Hi, can you do a request where kyoko kirigiri confesses her love and comforts a depressed male reader who gets executed instead of makoto and survives?

Omg, my first request... I'm kind of nervous, but I'll try my best! Also, I played the 5th trial again, just to be accurate.

CW: Themes of depression, bullet format, notice how op has no idea on how people confess to each other, kinda long and rushed at the end (I was motivaded and then got lazy srry).

Your eyes opened slightly, only to be greeted by a terrible pain throughout your body, the fall was high and the only thing that cushioned it were the garbage bags.

As you got used to the pain, your mind went back to the events of a while ago, feeling your eyes well up with tears, but your expression didn't change. The pain in your body was replaced by overwhelming exhaustion, you looked at the high ceiling of the dump and sighed.

'Maybe this is where I really belong…' you thought, letting out a dry laugh.

And then you closed your eyes again, giving up to the exhaustion, knowing damn well that no matter how long you sleep, it'll still be there. You fell asleep, you slept until your dreams stopped tormenting you, you slept until your mind stopped tormenting you… You slept until something fell near you.

And then you woke up, you got up from your previous position, startled by the sudden noise. Just to see that recognizable silver hair. "Kyoko?" you say, your voice drier than it should be.

"You look… worse that I expected." Kyoko said, frowning and a can of instant noodles in her hair, she removed with a swift movement of her hand.

You stood up from your current position with a lot of effort and went to help her stand up. "What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm here to help you." Kyoko said, like it was a fact. You felt your heart stop for a moment. You were flattered by that, but a part of your mind couldn't be grateful. A part of your mind felt worse than it already did.

A part of your mind felt like you were just bothering her. A part of your mind felt that you were not worth such an effort. A part of your mind wanted to beat you up for being so useless, so useless that you couldn't defend yourself in a trial, so useless that you almost got yourself killed.

Maybe Alter Ego should've let the hydraulic press kill you-

"Hey." Seeing your conflicted expression, Kyoko decided to get your attention. "Are you okay? You seem troubled."

You wanted to hit yourself internally for worrying her, but you just smile weakly. "Yes, I'm fine, just a... little bit tired, that's all."

Kyoko seemed unconvinced, but she didn't pursue the topic further, which you appreciated. "Well, I have something for you. Here and eat, we'll talk about this later." Kyoko handed you a piece of bread and a bottle of water, you looked at her surprised.

"Uh... Thanks, Kyoko." you smile nervously, and start to eat small pieces. Honestly, the thought of eating didn't cross your mind even once, no matter how empty your stomach felt. Kyoko was looking at you out of the corner of her eye, analyzing your behavior in silence. She had noticed that your attitude was a bit strange, your smile looked forced and your gaze wandered more often.

She wanted to ask you about it, but she didn't want to be too intrusive or too direct with the subject, Kyoko didn't want to scare you away or make you feel pressured. So she tried to be as gentle as possible. She wants you to feel the confidence to tell her whatever it is that is bothering you, even if it's not something physical.

"So, how have you been lately?" Kyoko asks, crossing her leg as she sits on one of the sofas.

You start slightly at her question, but you compose yourself and look at the floor, still eating the bread she gave you. "I've been fine."

Now, Kyoko is not an idiot, she noticed from the start how you avoid talking about your feelings and what really bothers you. So she looks at you, walks up to you, and takes one of your hands in a comforting way. "Hey..."

Kyoko looks at you, and you look at her too, feeling your eyelids a little bit heavy. "Hey..." you respond, trying to smile, but failing miserably.

She sighed, and I looked at you determined. "I know something is bothering you right now, I don't know if you want to tell me, because if you don't, that's fine. But I want you to know that you're important to me, you're important to everyone, and if you want to talk to someone, I'll be here, okay?" Kyoko shows you a slight smile, your gaze goes to your connected hands, and you feel how your eyes close and some tears come out.

"I'm... tired, Kyoko. Tired of everything." you let out a dry laugh, while more tears fall like a waterfall. "I don't want to see my friends die anymore… I don't want to stay locked in this academy anymore… I don't want to wake up just to repeat the same routine anymore…" now you were crying uncontrollably, while Kyoko looked at you without saying anything, letting you vent.

Kyoko put her other hand on your shoulder and pulled you closer to her, instinctively, you clung to her as you continued crying, letting go of whatever emotion you had withheld.

After a few minutes, you finally calmed down, you separated from Kyoko a little embarrassed, with their hands still intertwined. "S-Sorry about that, Kyoko..."

"Don't apologize for that, [Name], if you feel bad, you should express it. Holding it in will be bad for you, physically and emotionally." Kyoko strokes your hand with her thumb, giving you a soft smile. "I may not know exactly what you're going through, or what's going on inside your head, but what I know for sure is that you're not alone in this. What I am telling you may sound repetitive and empty, but really, whatever your head is telling you, it is not true, you are not useless because of what happened in the trial."

You sigh and put your head on Kyoko's shoulder. Getting all your emotions out was nice, but now you're tired again, wishing there was a bed.

Kyoko seemed to have noticed this, and looked at you. "Well, how about we get out of this dump?" Kyoko said, showing you a strange key, and you looked at her, confused.

"Wait- what is-" "I'll answer everything when we get out of here. come on, let's go." Kyoko took your hand and started walking towards the big door.

--- (Ok, this part is kind of rushed, and I apologize for that. But I'm tired rn srry)

After leaving the dump, you returned to your classmates, and explained the situation to them, only to be interrupted by Monokuma, who announced that the investigation about Mukuro's death was continuing.

You felt nervous, but gathering the courage that Kyoko gave you, you started to investigate together with her. While you were investigating with her, Kyoko stops you for a moment.

"Is something wrong, Kyoko?" you ask, curious. Kyoko looked conflicted about something.

"No, nothing's wrong, it's just... I have something to tell you. It's important." Kyoko said, with a serious look on her face.

You stayed quiet for a moment, feeling yourself getting nervous again.

"Well, tell me then." you looked at her impatiently, playing with the sleeves of your shirt.

"Well, I-" Kyoko sighed. "I like you."

"U-Uh?" you are surprised at her words, feeling your cheeks heat up. "Are you... serious?"

"Yes, I like you a lot... When you feel like the world is falling apart, I want to be there for you, either as a friend or as a partner, because I love you." Kyoko said, flicking a lock of her hair behind her ear, her cheeks rosy.

"I see..." you looked at the floor, not knowing if the world got brighter or if it's the lights. "Well, I like you too, Kyoko. Your mere presence soothes me and helps me in many ways." Kyoko smiled at your words.

You took her hand in yours, and together, continued investigating.

Anyway, ignore the ending, it's rushed as hell xd

Mod Shuichi

[tartrazeen]

Having another little Mystic Knights daydream. :3

For this one, I'm picturing what would it take to get Lugad to come back. The show ends with him saying he doesn't belong in Kells or Temra, so he leaves to find his own destiny. I've gotta imagine that it's something about his demon half. Maybe he doesn't want to be controlled by it anymore, but it ends up taking over him and he becomes a menace across Ireland. He's reunited with others after reports of a true demon terrorizing villages, and the others dive in to get him under control - maybe even picking up the quest to finally seal Lugad's demon half away.

I say that 'cause I've got another "Rohan's a jerk who ignores all of his friends, especially Angus" scenario in my mind, ending in a new direction of these two - Lugad and Angus - actually getting close. 👀

Gonna have to do this in parts. This part's gonna be all the Angus and Rohan angst (with Ivar caught in the middle of these people 😔), and then I'll come back to actually have Angus and Lugad talking.

If Lugad comes back through his own volition, I see him settling in nearby, but otherwise taking care of himself independently. But if Lugad was out of control, and Rohan had to jump in to bring him back to his senses, then Rohan would be - like I'm going for - queued up to find him and endlessly hover. Once things are somewhat calmer, his first words would be something like, "You should stay with me so I can keep you safe. That's what brothers do." Which gets to lead directly into, "Angus can sleep somewhere else for a while. This is more important."

Angus can't really protest this. He could when it was that random kid-prince, but this is Rohan's brother and Angus knows how Rohan gets about his 'family'. It's automatic: he practically hears the inevitable answer long before Rohan gets near it. "Lugad is family," Rohan will say, "Yes, you're all my family, but Lugad is my brother by blood. Angus is a friend. A good friend, a close one, but... Angus, you understand, right?"

Before the conversation forces it, Angus volunteers to stay somewhere else. "You're brothers. He needs help. Obviously you have to stay together, and I can fend for myself."

It's such a kind gesture - one Rohan is beyond relieved to hear - that it covers over any protest from the others. They never had a chance to consider other options, and this one sticks them with an oddly awkward follow-up: where Angus will stay instead. Not with Deirdre, because she's the princess. Not with Ivar, who's politely declining to mention what happened the last time. And they don't need to consider Garrett, because if rooming with Ivar didn't go well, how could Garrett be better? Angus doesn't need to embarrass himself. Yet that's what this lack of an answer does.

The frustrating part is how quickly the plan changes over what Lugad wants to do - or not do, to be more specific. He doesn't want to sleep in a little hut, and he doesn't want to stay in the castle (not that he'd be trusted enough for that). So Rohan instantly agrees they'll camp in the forest for now. That means Angus can have the hut to himself, and Rohan's twice as relieved. In the back of his mind, he knows moving Angus out was a terrible thing to ask. Angus volunteering made it better, but Angus getting to stay while Rohan and Lugad slept somewhere else is the best it could be. Now everyone's happy; Angus can stay put, Rohan can stay with Lugad, and Lugad has somebody to watch him that he can trust.

Two nights go by before Ivar insists that Angus stay with him. His friend hasn't had an ounce of sleep in the hut alone. Ivar knows him well enough to understand why, and what thoughts have been playing in Angus' mind. They don't get much sleep together, but even that amount helps. Ivar doesn't take long to notice he's been watching over Angus as closely as Rohan's been watching his half-demon brother; they're both dangerous right now, with one having already wreaked havoc on the land, and the other being left behind, ready to lie about how little that bothers him.

There's progress. Angus doesn't lie about it for long. He and Ivar have had conversations about this before - long, elaborate, painful conversations that Angus never acknowledges during the day - whenever his loud frustration at being ignored drops to a silent assumption of being abandoned. Ivar can usually jostle Angus out of it enough to go back to only being frustrated, but there's no way to pull him out of this completely with Rohan focused somewhere else.

It feeds on itself, ordinarily. Angus gets lost in stumbling to explain how it's not like Rohan can't be excited about whatever-it-is-now, until he gives up and goes too-quiet again without the words express it. When it happens, Ivar's usually able to guide Angus to those words, and one of those long conversations ensue. The trouble is none of that seems necessary this time. Angus isn't putting up a fight. He's resigned to it - so resigned, he doesn't wonder when Rohan might come back, but how long he might be able to stay with Garrett when Ivar gets tired of him too.

Even if, just before this, Angus got to a place of accepting himself as a knight, or as someone worthy to sit at the table with a bunch of royals and not just have it be a joke, it comes crashing down once Rohan sets up this other hierarchy: not following royalty, but family. Both tied to blood. Because yes, they're 'all' family, but some family is more family than others. Maybe Angus should be numb to it this, since whenever he dares to accept he's good enough, he's reminded that he has to still fight for scraps at the bottom of some other list. But he's not numb - not completely, and he's too tired to fight another battle when he thought his inner war was won.

So he's quiet. Worse, he's grateful. Rohan isn't doing this on purpose, so whenever the thought occurs that he hasn't said a word to any of his friends, he's back and frantically apologetic. And Angus appreciates the effort, enough to turn the conversation back to how Lugad has been, as if finding a new place in everyone's life by contentedly being out of it.

Ivar might pass by and realize what Angus is doing, but if he'd thought working through that wall of self-loathing was nearly impossible before, he knows getting Angus to accept that Rohan hasn't replaced him truly is impossible. It's hard to explain it differently when they can see how busy Rohan is with Lugad. They've all felt it - Deirdre, Ivar and Garrett - but it doesn't affect them like it affects Angus. And Angus had it happen to him so many more times precisely because he wasn't royal, and because he was "family". Conveniently, Angus is whatever excuse Rohan needs to get away with being careless, and whatever excuse Angus himself needs to enable that from Rohan. Why make a fuss and lose what little standing that remains?

So Angus asks about Lugad, Rohan endlessly answers, and Ivar can't decide if Angus is refusing to be helped or simply refusing what Ivar has offered. He leaves the two of them to pretend like Rohan's the only one with problems. He can't shake that thought by the time night falls, and the even worse sleep that Angus apparently got suggests Ivar wasn't able to hide it very well either.

It's one thing for Angus to know he's being ridiculous. It's another for him to realize that Ivar thinks so, too. And maybe Angus should have been numb to that. He'd always known Ivar would have a limit to his patience. But Angus truly he hadn't thought he would reach it.

Moving to Garrett's room is the worst fight Angus and Ivar have ever had, and neither of them ever had to say a word. There's nothing really left to say, is there?

Garrett, by now, can tell Angus is putting on a happy face. He doesn't get what's going on - Rohan was ignoring him? Angus wasn't sleeping on his own? Ivar was too hard to share a room with? - but he picks up on the total lack of denial about it. Angus chases it by saying he doesn't need his bad day to become Garrett's bad day, and Garrett doesn't have Ivar's words to press that or pinpoint its bullshit. It frees Angus from having to have any other long conversations, which he's sick of having all the time. They don't help. This is what it is. He's being ridiculous. He should be grateful.

Once again, the plan changes. Again, it's because Lugad wants something else.

What makes Ivar the angriest - beyond Angus reveling in his own depression, ripping up the painstaking progress they'd made at having him believe he was worth anything - is how Rohan hovered between 'obliviously ignorant' and 'violently aware' about it. Angus would be devastated if Rohan ever learned that his best friend felt like trash, always on the verge of being left behind and removed from Rohan's life. It was Angus' problem, and the only reason Ivar knew was because he was 'nosy'. How unfortunate, then, that Ivar and Rohan had been discussing this together for ages. Half the progress Angus had been making was from Rohan's suggestions to Ivar, and from Ivar carefully instructing Rohan on what to do or avoid.

But Rohan had all the grace of a rock and too many close scares to revealing their secret. Yes, everyone was lying to everyone. Ivar was comfortable with that when it was necessary. What he wasn't comfortable with was how damn bad Rohan was at keeping it up. Every possible instinct that should been there was reversed in Rohan's mind. This time was no exception. Angus hated himself for being so disposable that Rohan hadn't thought twice about giving Lugad the other half of the hut, then hated himself for being so expendable that Rohan could leave the hut and Angus entirely.

What would have helped, Ivar was certain, was Rohan being honest about how difficult Lugad was. How they'd been fighting. How Lugad had been threatening to leave. How the king had ordered Lugad to be put in chains if he left, for fear of another rampage across all of Ireland. That way, it would've been a sacrifice. Angus could've understood that Rohan was caught up in a struggle to help his brother control himself, and that the loss of Angus' company had been just as difficult for Rohan, too.

Instead.

Rohan talked about how they were bonding, and how he and Lugad were making up for the time they'd lost over the years. Nothing could have so perfectly explained that Angus truly had been in everyone's way, and Rohan's reason for saying it? "I didn't want to make Angus feel worse. I've hurt him enough without piling on my own problems."

Thankfully, Lugad had hit his limit before Angus could hit his.

According to Rohan, as he explained to them around the king's table, Lugad was sick of being told he had to seal his demon half away. Those years they'd lost as brothers were spent with Nemain trying to seal away the half of him that was human, and it had never worked. All the magic and rituals Rohan and Cathbad and even Fin Varra were dragging him through had failed, and if Rohan wanted to treat him as a monster, he had to stop pretending to be his friend.

Lugad didn't trust him anymore. And he wasn't Angus, making up excuses for why he understood what Rohan was trying to do. He was simply furious and happy to be in chains, and if the chains failed, he'd go back to his tower. And if Nemain returned? So be it. At least she welcomed him as a demon.

Everyone agreed that Rohan and Lugad needed a break from each other. There was too much pressure on both of them - to be 'cured' of his demon half, to be brothers and family, to erase everything that'd kept them on different sides of the fight. Someone else would watch Lugad instead, temporarily.

If nothing else, Rohan was consistent. Maybe that was why Angus stuck around.

Cathbad had barely announced his idea before Rohan announced that it'd be Angus. And before any other reason blurted out of him, Rohan asked who else he could trust with this. Of course the others would review the other options, but what was said had been said, and it lorded over everything else. This wasn't about danger, which was why the king tried forbidding Deirdre from watching Lugad alone. It wasn't about combat, as none of them could defeat Lugad by themselves, and Garrett's hypnosis worked only on beasts. It wasn't even about finding Lugad again if he ran, which Ivar could do regardless of whether he was guarding anyone. It wasn't even about who Lugad liked the most. Arguably, that would be Deirdre, as she'd been close enough to Lugad to hug him before. This was about trust. Rohan's trust. If he couldn't be there with his brother, the only one with the right to attempt it instead was Angus.

Ivar could breathe.

There was life in Angus' eyes. Just a spark, but enough that when the others had settled on him as the best option (by process of elimination, which Ivar noticed too late after he himself had been caught up in the habit), Angus dared to expose his fear to them. To Ivar, truly, as the others weren't meant to understand the weight of what he asked. But note it, Ivar did. And he felt pride.

"If I can't fight him and can't stop him from running off," he began, "what's the point in me going?"

"Because he's my brother, Angus," Rohan said, cutting close to ruining first outburst with this one. But there was more to it, and it pulled it back from its grave. "He's angry because he's scared. He's given up, and I've been promising I'd find an answer but I'm no closer than when I began. If I can't fix this, he won't stay - he can't stay, not if he's dangerous. But he won't stay if he doesn't believe I'm not trapping him like Nemain."

"So," Angus said slowly, "you want me to tell him you're not Nemain?"

"I don't know what I want you to tell him. Maybe he's tired of words. All I know is that he's scared," Rohan said, "and when I'm scared, you're the one I go to."

"Aw. No you don't," Angus replied. "You yell at me and then you run off."

"And then you chase me, and whatever it is, you fix it," Rohan - perhaps to prove his point - yelled. "It's how you broke that enchantment once. And maybe yes, sometimes I'll run off -"

"And yell."

"- and yell, fine, but it's never stopped you from doing that - from fixing things. Over and over. Fixed." Rohan had started waving his hands around, as if to gesture to the air itself. But his energy had faded in the moment after, and his head sank at having to finish his point. "If he leaves, I'll have to put him in chains and drag him back to his tower. I'll be worse than Nemain in his eyes, and he'll be a monster to everyone else."

"He is a monster -"

"He isn't." At that, Rohan got up from his seat. Angus turned in his to watch, while the others jumped as if Rohan was storming away. He didn't, only stomping a few feet, before stomping back to almost loom over Angus. "He's my brother. He's half a demon, but he's still my brother. I'll find the answer for it but I need more time. So please. I just need time."

As though proving his own point, Angus stood, bringing them nearly an inch from each other. Like that, he said, "If I tell you I'll do it, will you calm down?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then sit."

Rohan moved and sat.

Angus stayed on his feet - not quite close enough to loom, but enough for Rohan to have to lift his head to meet Angus' eyes. And Angus stood there too, waiting for Rohan to do it.

He did.

"Now listen," Angus said. "I'll do it 'cause I said I would. But if he leaves, you'll be putting him in chains and bringing him to his tower like you said you would. Brother or not, he's half a demon, and if he hadn't behaved as a brother at the end of the war, it'd be Maeve on the throne right now. Remember that."

Rohan tried to protest but Angus cut him off.

"I'm not saying he's evil. I'm saying he's dangerous - when he wants to be, or when he doesn't but he's out of control. He's not like you that way. I can't fight him and I can't stop him from running," Angus echoed from before. "I'll do my best but I can't promise anything. I don't need your sword at my throat 'cause he's run away."

Ivar felt a tightness in his heart as Rohan's eyes turned to steel. It was a moment that would've been lost if he'd been looking anywhere else, and for a breath, Ivar nearly celebrated the luck. Just as quickly, he remembered why Rohan had met Angus' eyes: by design. Those last few words weren't an errant remark, and this wasn't a careless use of them. It was a test. As close as Angus got to one anyway.

"I wouldn't do that to you," Rohan said, sounding quietly betrayed at its mere mention.

"Good," Angus said. But the pause that followed changed the tone. In the brief silence, it seemed to ring like, 'We'll see.' Then Angus stepped back and the silence broke with a lighter, "Remember that, too. And wish me luck."

Then he was gone.

It's an unusual interaction, the others would agree. There was obviously tension. Garrett could confirm it, saying Angus seemed unhappy lately but unwilling to speak about it. So long as Lugad is safely cared for, they and the king can leave Rohan and Angus to deal with it themselves - for now. The peace in Kells is still at a delicate stage, with Temra picking up the pieces of its crown and Kells playing host to a warrior that's attacked the land twice.

Ivar and Rohan will share a different understanding. Of course they've had their quarrels, and occasionally with fists, but Rohan has never had a sword at Angus outside of their training. If anything, Angus has been the one to come after Rohan with his mace. Rohan never took it seriously. A sword at Angus' neck was something entirely different.

It shouldn't have even been a question. For Angus to ask...

Not long after their meeting, Ivar pulled Rohan aside to talk. At least this one was more receptive to Ivar's conversations. And patient. Both were needed today.

It was Rohan's turn to be desperately sad, after all.

[letsdeconstructtogether]

An excerpt from my anthology of magical tales,

(link below, please enjoy~)

Edward was born with a crooner's heart. One of gentle, tender flesh. He believed in the fables of love. That there was a one, that love conquered all. He wasn't a shame of it at all either, he wore his heart on his chest.

When he felt an emotion, he would feel it in all its intensity. Happiness would set his heart ablaze. He would feed off the frenzy around him, getting high off the excitement that electrified the air. With his friends, he would take on the town with full force. Bar crawls, races through the countryside, sails through the Mediterranean.

He took life on with full force. He bit deeply into its succulent fruit, the oils from the rind bursting in the air, its juices rushing to his tongue. He would have a wild look in his eyes, one that was ready to conquer the world.

Hiro was one of his conquests.

Once Edward's heart was set on him, it erupted in flames. Everything else faded away. He wanted him. He wanted his heart, his soul, his being. His entire being. He wanted to bite into him.

He felt himself inching closer day by day. At night, he would vomit his lovesick heart on paper. He rarely ate, he rarely slept. Wide awake in his bed, he would look up at the ceiling, daydreaming, trying to solve the enigma that was Hiro.

What would he like? He doesn't seem to respond to me. Maybe he doesn't like me?... But, when I look into those eyes, ohhhh he snags me!

Once the king felt that Edward was adequately caught up from his tutoring sessions, Hiro was released from his mission. Thus, the two were separated. Edward was put under the wings of his father so he would learn first hand what it took to be the figurehead of a nation. Hiro headed back to Trinity College to start his career in teaching, to pass down the tradition of the mages to those who would never have had the opportunity.

Edward was tempted to avoid his responsibilities so he could indulge in Hiro. He simply wanted to be near him, to smell him, to taste him. But alas, he didn't want to see disappointment in Hiro's face. He instead reworked his schedule by starting his duties earlier in the day, allowing him some time near the evening to see Hiro.

He felt enlivened by the chase. Chastened by the chase. Enthralled by the chase.

His walk turned into a full sprint.

He would seek chances to see Hiro. He asked Eiken for Hiro's office address. Eiken happily obliged, he figured something was happening between the two. After deliberations with diplomats, he would hurry to shower, change into his best suit, jump into his carriage, and ride full speed to the college. He wanted as much time as he could get with Hiro. He wanted a full bite.

Edward found Hiro hunched over an old leather-bound book half his size. He looked through a magnifying glass over the apothecarial text. Edward grinned, he missed him. He missed him dearly.

"Hiro!" He said, elated.

Hiro whipped around to Edward's direction, bewildered.

"Oh!" He took a moment to settle, holding his chest. "What brings you here?"

"You! I wanted to see you."

Hiro smiled warmly.

"I'm happy you came. I started to miss our sessions. Come."

Edward walked toward him, taking a closer look at the book. It contained illustrations of various roots along with text.

"So, what have you been up to?" Edward said.

"I've been researching medicinal roots that can be found some of the rural parts of England. This book was written while these roots were practically the only available medical treatments." Hiro shone as he spoke.

"Oh nice. I know you're a real nerd for those things." Edward admired his glow.

"Oh yes, I could scour through these texts all day."

"... Am I intruding on your reading session?"

"You are, but I don't mind."

"Would you mind if I stayed here then? I'll let you read. I'll only be a bystander."

Hiro obliged.

Hiro went back to his readings, magnifying glass in hand. Edward looked around the room, occasionally peeking at Hiro. He admired his deep focus, he was lost in the text.

One day, you'll be mine.

He busied himself by looking at the books in the study room. Many were left by mages, many in subjects that did not interest Edward. He trudged through, flipping through the books as the sun lowered by the horizon.

By dusk, Hiro closed his book, rubbing his eyes.

"Let me take you home." Edward said.

Hiro hesitated.

"I'll be fine, it's not too far."

"I insist, I brought my carriage with me."

Hiro took a moment to deliberate.

"I'll be fine. I appreciate the offer though." Hiro said as he packed up.

"Did you walk?"

"...I did."

"You've had a long day. Let me make today easier for you."

Hiro deliberated some more.

He obliged.

The ride home was quite awkward, they made due with small talk. The next day, Edward made sure to bring a novel on his visit. He continued to visit Hiro as much as he could, drawing closer to him. A hand on the shoulder, a close lean in to peek at the book Hiro was reading.

Eventually, they started to loosen up around each other. They began to speak quite freely, laughs would burst out between them. One day, their eyes met. They now knew that something was there. That this was more than a friendship. It wasn't a relationship either, it was more a spark, a spark that would later erupt into a flame. Edward squeezed the rind of the fruit of life, taking a whiff of its citrus notes. It was the appetizer to his senses, he anticipated the bite.

On a hot summer's eve, the carriage stopped before Hiro's home. After a last few words were exchanged, Hiro began his exit, but steadied his eyes on Edward.

Here, the two saw each other. An expanse of eternity stretched between them. Edward gazed into Hiro's eyes, he saw his love, he saw his beacon of hope. He trusted him, he adored him. He wanted him to be a part of his life, a part of his eternity.

Hiro leaned forward, deepening their gaze. They felt their breath brush against their faces. The heat warmed their lips. Edward admired Hiro's eyes, he's never seen them this close. They looked back at him with equal measure.

He then realized, Hiro returned his gaze. That he too admired him. How blessed was he??

Edward felt his heartbeat intensify. He went in for the bite.

The kiss, the kiss brought the catharsis he so eagerly panged for. The crescendo, the long awaited answer to his puzzle. Sweet, tart juices rushed into his mouth, spilling onto his clothing. Everything was alright in the world. Bliss, pure bliss pulsed on their lips.

As they pulled back, they kept their gaze. He couldn't even fathom what had just occurred. The air was stilled.

Hiro sat back. They looked in silence.

"Good night." Hiro said with a light sweetness, honeysuckle dewdrops leaving his lips. He stepped out the carriage.

On his way back to the palace, Edward replayed it in his mind, again, and again, and again. He savored the fruit. His fingers were sticky from the dried juice, his tongue licking the taste from his lips. His eyes rolled back. He wanted another bite.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If you would like read more, please follow the link below:

Have a nice day!

[demi-kitty]

Off antidepressants: a short mindramble about finding my creativity and then realizing that antidepressants "muffle" all I feel.

Personal experience with depression compressed over years finally being let out like a spring in a can. So many emotional experiences written about, so little time.

You can probable skip the paragraphs of recipe-level personal anecdotes. This is mostly metaphorical pseudo-poetic stream of consciousness about medicine and audhd *as my personal experience*.

I recently went off my meds

Just antidepressants

Not by choice really

I had started intermittently forgetting to take them

I don't know why

I started experiencing intrusive sleep

I was starting to unmask as I learned I might be AuDHD - ADHD and Autism

Things I had done years previously but had nearly forgotten now made sense. I cringed. Laughed at my child self, and moved on.

But my mind was hell, intermittent feeling muffled, intermittently my emotions threatening to break through.

I think it cost my my job

I smoked weed to hide the pain

I couldn't tell my mother

I stopped being a good employee

I stopped being a model human

My head was a mess

I'm praying for a dream to make me fall out of this world. Not stop, no, just make the world stop.

I need a break.

I'd like off this rides, the ups and downs are making me sick.

But I'm technically the only one at my job that can do what I do. I can't go off without worrying they'll be backed up. I'm barely needed, but needed at least once daily.

So I'm let go because the empty nothing of the day was dulling my mind and I couldn't think straight.

So I stop being insured

And I was out of zoloft substitute

And I was scared of the beast that had since been pacified

Three months of my medication being gone awaited me, three months of weekly "may I please have my medicine" and not hearing back anything but "we need insurance to schedule you".

Everything was chaos. Everything was bubbling over.

The smallest change in plans sent me into a meltdown.

I forgot that I was attending a family get together, and my mom being kind and reminding me a few hours early made me break down.

Full meltdown, fully sobbing and crying "please" in the shower, while scrubbing myself down and telling myself I'll feel better in a few hours.

Begging, pleading, my whole skin and bones wanted to just plop onto my computer chair and play the games. Easy dopamine was better than leaving my comfort zone.

I dried myself off with my musty towel, don't mind the cat box needing cleaning in the same room. I throw on clothes the cats have slept in, pretending I can hide the wrinkles. I sneak some weed without thinking. Maybe it'll make me think clearer.

I text my mom and ask if we can get something from the store for the potluck. Mom agrees. I get something for the kids, and something I known I'll eat. Suddenly Becky's store-bought cookies make more sense. I'm fighting tears and feel like an infant the entire walk from mum's car to the store and back. The kids play Bocce Ball and I can't stop reminiscing.

It's a lovely gathering, everyone behaves like adults. My grandparents expressed sympathy about the housing market last time we met, a few months ago. I forgot to tell them I'm unemployed now. Might as well tell them here. We talk about how to get a job like adults trying to be logical about the job market. I bite my tongue about autism as much as I can.

My mother who has made ends meet during a financially abusive father chimes in, she's looking for a part time job. Her apartment is unaffordable, and she lives with her partner now. They're happy, but things are looking rough even from there.

We discuss activism. I tenderly ask about the house my grandparents lived in before they moved back into their trailer.

I'm back home before I know it. I've had a real meal. I've had some real socializing.

And the days before, and the days after, it's hell. All blended together. These 3 months. That was just one event.

But for once something else pushes through. A huge sensation of spite.

Motivation.

Motivation pushing something old from inside me.

I want to make

I'm an artist again

I'm seeing colors.

The difference between the hues, the structure of the bones to the muscles to the skin to the hair and clothes.

My the skills are rusty. It's clunky.

I'm able to pour my soul into something again. I'm ready to learn and grow again.

I start to make. I draw.

I get a glove for my tablet.

I play with colors.

Lineart.

I finish a piece.

It sucks.

I hate it.

And I love the feeling.

I understand what it feels like to have rekindled something.

I found my passion, my soulmate.

My best friend from toddlers to highschool found me again and it was the best.

But my old best friend still hadn't shaken their best friend.

The painful emotions that are expressed in creativity. Uncovered at last, hand in wonderful hand.

In between meals and cleaning up my apartment, I feel it.

So much pushing to the surface. I don't control it. It's not even tangible.

Layers upon layers of painted emotions to mask the real pain underneath.

All different colors in hindsight, blues and reds.

So many memories, so many emotions I've forgotten to feel. In moments I'm jubilation itself, dancing across my apartment and whispering sorry when I stomp.

In a split second tears are pouring down my face.

Agony courses through me.

I'm sobbing and wretching out my heart because there's too much overflowing.

Spilling colors and rainbows of emotion.

Van Gogh's madness makes perfect sense, and it hurts.

When you need to stretch a muscle you haven't flexed in a while, it tends to feel like you remember how to move it, but it hurts or it's stiff. It pops and hurts. You push it beyond its current means so it remembers to support you.

I could almost feel my mind reconnecting the wires as I sat back and painted on my iPad and on a canvas.

Like Viktor Frankenstein, I was gripped with creative madness and could not stop painting.

Pouring blues and blacks for a night sky, hoping to sieze the creative urge in the moment.

An old friend you suppress the urge to kidnap because you're scared you'll never see them again.

I remember why I studied art, studied Japanese.

Wow.

The world has so much color I forgot about.

So many details stick out, like I've been given glasses and the world is clearer.

The world's on fire, but I'm appreciating some of the smaller things again.

Things I forgot I could appreciate.

Vibrant sunlight filtering through leaves.

And anger. So much. So much anger.

It's foreign, it's lovely. It's overwhelming.

Love. For my little fictional characters. Their world is still there.

Ready to be made

The brain muscle flexes and my chest tightens.

And I sob for the years past boiling over.

And then it ends again. And I'm still sobbing.

Daily, my emotions pour out onto the floor. I'm mentally in the second grade reliving a memory, then I remember I'm here in my 25 year old body. Then I'm a teenager and it's 2014.

I can't even leave my house. I'm in shambles. Facing a demon I knew would attack one day, but hoped would never experience.

Medi-cal goes through. The one thing I wanted, needed, pleaded, was for a refill of sertraline. Make the pain go away. At any cost.

I can't even go for it myself. I feel like a coward as I text my mother, I'm too scared to leave the house. It's been too emotional.

"How are you feeling?" She asks as she worriedly gets me my sertraline.

Facing down eternity and every possibility to a single answer, I'm overwhelmed, and cry again.

Never better, I'm creating like it's an old friend.

Never worse, it's been months without a job and everything hurts.

I'm catching up on games I missed out on as a kid, I'm painting, I'm facing a normal, refreshing sleep schedule.

I can't interact with a human without turning into an emotional puddle of mental nonsense.

I should probably not be facing these moments alone, but I don't want my loved ones to see me like this.

Layers upon layers of my love and hate and pain are overflowing

Observations in antidepressants

For a split second it's magical

I'm able to make the calls I need. The most important things I can't stop pushing off are done.

I can read through a single Geronimo Stilton

Then it settles back again.

The emotional turmoil was there. It was just more muffled.

Like a jaguar that got out. It pounced and attacked. It was caged outside its habitat after all. The zookeeper put it back in. The zoo has started cleaning up.

The jaguar is still there, and it hungers for it's freedom.

I tasted freedom. I want to feel it again.

The antidepressants begin to cloud my abilities.

The world fades and blurs.

I stop painting again.

My passion projects fall out of my motivation and reach.

And I'm finally able to put words to how I feel.

The antidepressants feel like sludge.

I'm wading through the sludge of my mind. It all slurs together.

A blanket of sludge plopped on a problem. The pain is still abundant, so it's producing in excess.

The emotions had to try so hard to be heard, so when the dam was released it flooded the town.

The creativity is dimmed and the motivation is beyond my reach.

I sleep for hours because I can't remember how well-rested feels.

No wonder I felt like a robot.

What I crave most is being drip-fed on the wrong frequency and consistency. Everything is muffled, to the point the backup upon compressed backup started pushing things through.

A pressurized canister went off and I had years of pain and creativity to make up for.

I think the antidepressants kill my creativity.

They kill my motivation and create a block to both my emotion and the rest of myself.

I found the me I was happiest with in those moments of unmedication.

I found the me who couldn't stand reality and refused to partake another second.

I found the creativity I missed.

I found the suicidalmind I had fought so hard to forget.

But now the spigots are back to being identical.

Slow dripping.

I don't have much motivation to exist, to create, to feel.

I only feel motivated as I'm falling asleep late late in the night.

Then I'm convinced tomorrow I'll conquer the world.

After a nap.

A sludge blanket has compressed my world again.

It was great when feeling apathy could get me through the day, but now my skills are withering like non-native plants in the desert and I'm staring across a longer distance trying to reach out to that happiness I used to be able to grasp.

I'm not "me" on my medicine, because it keeps me from feeling the energy and joy that I've tied myself and my soul to.

But I'm "me" on my medicine because it stops me from feeling the pain that whispers "just a bit. You're so small, you could stop existing for a bit."

My creativity wants to be loud, but it's logic knows I won't get far.

I'm resigned to that, but my medicine makes the logic too loud it stops the rest of my creativity from keeping on.

There must be a way these coexist.

"I'm" pushed down like garbage, but it needs to be unpacked and sorted, otherwise everything I accidentally tossed in there will rot with it.

My brain is tired of wading through sludge. It's been focusing on pushing through for survival, it forgot that it was inhibited and started giving up.

It has so much boiling out from under the surface.

I think I need to look into taking a different antidepressant.

[mamamittens]

Well, didn't get as much done today but I'm on track to finish the first comm this week at least. Would have helped if we didn't have a +1 today but tomorrow is looking to be the same so idk how much progress I'll make after a shower and dinner.

Not going to lie, I fell into a bit of a slump the past two weeks which was... Interesting. Stress, burnout, anxiety, or whatever really said "make time or it'll make you" huh? Mostly with inexplicable exhaustion. Anyone in my DMS probably noticed I was spacy as fuck and honestly, it was a bit embarrassing. Is embarrassing.

Got a discord group I've basically not interacted with (sorry Franky bro) cause I've been so spacey and tired. Hopefully I'll clear my plate enough to chime in soon without losing the plot.

I'm still tired. But it's not quite soul deep this week so far. Still not quite Tuesday though so we'll have to wait and see on that front. Helped I slept 14 hours and then spent the day with my brother and his friend who treated us to dinner and a movie (The First Omen, I liked it but kept forgetting it was a prequel. Did NOT expect to see full pussy in a nightmare/hallucination scene so warning to the dam that was wanting to watch it.) and saw the biggest fucking parmesan chicken in my life.

They brought that bitch out on a pizza stone and I legit thought he changed his mind and ordered pizza. A pound of chicken the size of a personal pizza COVERED IN SAUCE AND CHEESE ENOUGH TO PASS AS A LITTLE CEASERS.

Mad lads.

And I also started thinking about Nikia in Wano again! Shockingly, it's been a minute. Seems like pouring out my hyperfixation has helped me focus on other things instead of being consumed by pokemon while in the middle of One Piece shit lol

This is about the end of the useful updates btw, the rest will just be me rambling about Wano thoughts

So, I suddenly had the thought about what little dramatic plot would go nicely in the middle of this for the bois to do while the Straw Hats are fucking shit up.

And clearly, Izou is gathering Intel while keeping Thatch from blowing their cover. Nikia taking advantage of her anonymity to do some sight seeing and maybe take some eyes off of them cause who wouldn't investigate this new woman with giant ass wings?!?

(she's not a fan of the nosy bitches but we tolerate things for the people we love. They'll make it up to her later lol)

Had the hilarious mental image of Thatch disguising himself, specifically his hair. Very upset to part from the pompadour and gets a topknot that has a suspiciously shaped bundle up top. Izou hates it but picks his damn battles at this point.

So! The cheap trope drama I figured I'd give a little spin was!!!

Amnesia!

Manufacture to be specific. As maybe a follow up once King clarifies that Nikia is absolutely NOT Lunarian. Maybe to keep her in check so she doesn't run off before they do DNA tests to see wtf she is. No idea she can fly, so they (I feel like Kaido is the one suggesting it first cause he's a bitch with Big Mom seeing no issue and King just going along with it cause Nikia may not be like him but she's close enough he doesn't feel alone so whatever works, right?) go with a bit of a caged bird thing.

She's a 'guest' while she 'recovers' with King 'looking after her'.

And even with no memory of who she is, she doesn't trust this set up at all. Like, more in an awkward way cause it's clear she's meant to be displayed in a way so she can't 'repay' her 'hosts' like she'd traditionally want to via chores or cooking. She doesn't know what she's supposed to do at all and hates it. Her aloof expression just barely masking the 'someone give me a social clue about wtf is going on already'.

Gets on well enough with King, especially once he stops wearing the damn mask cause it really freaked her out. Pretends to be amicable with the others, can't erase the 'hostess' mask that easily. So it's a legit surprise when she finally admits she doesn't like or trust anyone there at all and has smelled the bullshit from the start and just didn't say anything.

Runs into Yamamoto at some point and likes his spunk even if he's a little weird. Has a hard time keeping up the act under his insistent investigation about why she's there cause honestly, same fam. Why am I here? WTF is going on?!?

I feel like Big Mom tries to touch her wings at some point out of curiosity and King stops her cause I can't imagine that's not a pretty intimate gesture for even Lunarians. Wins brownie points. Thanks for being a bro and all that.

On the night of the throw down the Bois finally manage to get into the palace and shit and Nikia immediately recognizes Thatch from his silhouette despite still not remembering shit.

A hilariously awkward "oh, hey, what are u doing here? Trying to steal shit? I heard it was bad out there but this is pretty risky don't you think?" And Thatch is staring at her in full Wano gear, makeup and all like

(⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

"I'm looking for my lover"

"OUR lover"

"ye that. Uhm. U seen her?"

Nikia just stares at them.

"... Ya gonna describe her or am I supposed to vibe check everyone I've seen here?"

They do recognize her btw, it's just painfully clear she doesn't so they're wondering if she's the real deal or something.

Cue Thatch trying to come up with a noteworthy detail she'd realize is her own feature but her hair has been changed up and he doesn't even think about her wings. Trying to be smooth and razz her up a little to knock some memories loose.

Notices the lipstick.

"Oh! She has a freckle on her lip! Right here!" He's so proud of himself, Izou ready to smack him as he continues "It's my s--one of my favorite places to kiss!"

It takes a moment before she blushes, realizing the obvious implications.

"ah... Why do I get the feeling you were about to say something else? Are u sure your lover would like you talking about that with a stranger?" She's flustered horribly as Izou smacks him.

"Ignore him. He's being an idiot. May we have your name?"

Honestly didn't have an alt name planned, thought it would be funny briefly if it was Nika but idk. Not committed to that but yet.

Anyway! She does remember on her own as she considers how compelled she feels to trust the two and how familiar they are. Comforting, dare she say. And, without remembering she can fly either deliberately does her 'clearing exercise' or is tossed up in a fight.

The clearing exercise is a rather dangerous, borderline suicidal act she does every so often when she feels conflicted or uncertain.

Usually, she'd go to the practice cliffs with updrafts. And then she'd fall down. The idea is that the threat of death would help clear her mind and what really matters to her. Is it really that important if it's not the first thing she thinks of when faced with the threat of death? And then she uses her wings to glide out of danger. She never does this injured, but the awareness that inaction will kill her is part of the process. She tends to overthink so this really streamlines the process in a way that can't be argued with.

She did NOT mention this habit to anyone before so the bois bout shit themselves when it looks like she's free falling to her death. Maybe Marco is there and goes to help only to end up banking with her as she recovers instinctively at the last moment, memories flooding back.

She's a little too good at faking an uncontrolled fall as part of her 'fighting style' to throw people off and it's steadily giving the bois gray hairs. Mostly because she's lost control while flying a lot due to the chaotic up/down drafts on the mountain.

Anyway, thats about all I thought of while spiritually ascending from this plane of existence for this scenario. Who knows if I'll use it or scrap the whole damn thing.

[m00dysunflower]

Testimone di Gangster vs Purple Haze Feedback

Just came fresh off of reading the new Squatizi light novel (which I LOVED) and decided to ruminate on why I loved one and hated the other so much.

I want to preface that if anyone is nasty in replies or tags about my views and opinions of PHF, I'll block you, I don't have time to fight over a non canon Fugo centric light novel. And I think it's valid to compare the 2 stories because they're both based around part 5 and in light novel format that supposedly expands upon the part. If you find my thoughts valid and insightful, cool, if you don't, move along, you're not going to convince me to change my mind sadly.

Also this isn't going to have too bad of spoilers. I'm kinda more vague when it comes to talking about the Squatizi story.

............................................................................

Purple Haze Feedback:

I respect that people needed more Fugo content and it was a genuinely good premise. An aftermath story of Fugo returning to Passione under Giorno and Mista? Yeah I would have loved a story about that. But if you need to warp characters' personalities and throw in a bunch of forgettable stands and their users to do it... I honestly can't bother to care.

If it was much shorter then I could tolerate it, but it wasn't, so here I am. I'll be going point by point with PHF just to organize my thoughts better for such a chaotic story.

1. It warped the pre-established characters.

Mista I think was done the most dirty with that opening scene, but to insinuate that Abbacchio and Fugo killed kids behind Bruno's back felt like absolute whiplash. Also Abbacchio is bisexual obviously, he would have slept with men too, not just women lol.

I don't like that they made Trish become a pop star. Maybe she would have been better as a model, but regardless, not so soon after part 5 when she needed her time to be normal and heal, or at least be under Giorno and Mista's protection.

The whole "Fugio" moment also felt off-putting to me and is part of the reason I don't like the ship. Look, it was absolutely no rain scene or "The only time I feel at ease", let's not try to compare it.

Fugo was okay, but he was just boring and I feel that's not good... you know, considering he's the protagonist of this story. He got better near the end, sure, but by the time I got to the end I was so tired and done with the story. A better writer would have done him and the story more justice.

2. Uninteresting supporting cast and villains

Cannolo was a fine addition, but I never understood what his stand actually did, same with all of the villains' stands. I think that's just poor writing if people walk away not understanding what just happened. I had to reread scenes and I still didn't get most of what happened. Voodoo Child was a cool stand, reminded me a bit of Moody Blues, but I didn't like Sheila as a character. And I'm sorry, who let's a 14 girl in a skimpy ass outfit be the Don of Mafia's bodyguard? Sheila's whole design was so hyper-sexualized and gave me the ick, especially if she was allegedly supposed to be indigenous coded. I've only seen speculation though so I won't go into it further.

Volpe and Manic Depression are the only villain names I remember. I couldn't even tell you the names and stands of the others or what Manic Depression even did as a stand. None of them felt like an actual threat.

3. Felt like a poorly written fanfic

The random mention of Tonio from DIU as Volpe's brother was also a whiplash "where the fuck did that come from" moment, because it was so unnecessary and felt like a cheap tie in for something that was formally published in a book. It really helped give it an average fanfic feel (and I write cheesy, overly dramatic fanfiction!). I think that was also when I was nearing my breaking point.

I once had someone try to mansplain to me that PHF was a "more realistic look of the mafia"... it is not, I promise you that lol. Mafia had rules about women and children and all other kinds of shit that Passione definitely does not abide by. Real life Mafia has so much more to it. This is camp fictional media, no one should ever take it so seriously.

In short, I just think PHF had a lot of wasted potential and would have done better with an altered story. I just can't convince myself to blindly love it, no matter how much I tried to like it.

............................................................................

Testimone di Gangster

I read it last night so it's still so fresh in my mind, but this is how you expand upon a story in my humble opinion. This is also probably going to be shorter just because it was a shorter and more focused story with less characters. I also don't want to spoil it for those who haven't read it yet since it just came out in English.

First off, I think it was a such great idea to take two characters we knew so little about and expand upon them in a way that felt so much more natural. There's less room for warping characters when they didn't have such distinct personalities to begin with and also helps build the world up.

There was no overly complicated plot about drugs and stands and it gave more insight on how the crime world works in Jojo's version of Italy. It even had nods to other real life gangs and how Passione fit into this world with them. It even gave nods to the Cosa Nostra and a real life prosecutor (Falco) who dealt with a lot of gang business in Italy and I think that's just so cool. I love shit like that so much, I adore me some good worldbuilding in general that we didn't necessarily need, but it's just cool to see.

I'll admit, the story was bit hard to follow in the first chapter, but once I picked up that it was from Squalo's perspective, it was such an easy and fun read that didn't make me question what was going on every two paragraphs.

It really showed us how Tiziano is clever and calculating and can be such a useful stand user and teammate. It solidified why he and Squalo are partners (and most definitely in more than just crime for sure now ahaha). I also just love the idea of him being an attorney, especially with Talking Head as a stand, it was a fantastic concept.

The entire time I was just so entertained and caught up in the story, it was so much more engaging than I thought it was going to be. I was genuinely invested in the trial and how Tiziano was going to win the case for Passione. I'm almost sad that this story was so much shorter and would have loved more in between moments with Squalo and Tiziano, but maybe it was for the best not to drag things out.

The ending was a great nod back to their involvement in part 5 and this was in general a great insight into who they were before joining Diavolo's special guard. Plus it makes so much more sense and is amusing to know that he had a lawyer (Tiziano) apart of his elite team.

............................................................................

Now look, I don't think I necessarily have a bias because I do like Fugo just as much as I like Squalo and Tiziano. I also normally don't care for light novels when comes to anime/manga so I don't think it could be that either.

Maybe it was simply the Fugo/Fugio lovers had over-hyped and demanded that everyone read PHF that it just soured the novel before I even read it? I couldn't say for sure. All I know is I went into PHF was no expectations and was so dissatisfied where as I went into Testimone di Gangster with some expectations and was thoroughly entertained.

This is by no means a dig at Fugio shippers, like I said, PHF's ending and the hype around it made me personally more uncomfortable with the ship than I already was before reading it. Simple as that.

If I were to recommend additional Jojo content, especially for the part 5 lovers, Testimone di Gangster is the one I would urge people to read if they have an hour or two to spare. It's a short and sweet look at some great side characters and has more of part 5 spirit without getting caught up in a bunch of bland ocs.

[ineffablyrandom]

Books are always a big part of me. I remember reading The Adventures of Tom Sawyer when I was in Elementary when I slept over with my cousins, I saw it on their bookshelf, picked it up, and read it. Even when I was young, I enjoyed a book with stories, parables, fables, and Alamat/Legends. I always borrowed my Tita's pocketbooks when I was in elementary and high school, too young to read that kind of material, but too stubborn for anyone to stop me from finishing and reading one. When I didn't have a book to read, I picked up the bible (New Testament and Old Testament) and read it. Sometimes I skimmed dictionaries just because I wanted to read, list down all the interesting words that I encountered, and forget them as soon as I reached for another (newspaper) to entertain me with. I remember picking up Who Moved My Cheese? I liked it so much, and I knew that's when I started loving quotes and one-liners, paragraphs, and sentences that I dedicated one notebook to fill in all the good words I've read so far. I remember borrowing my high school classmate's book Ghostgirl by Tonya Hurley - the first book series I've loved. Right there and then, I wanted to buy books and collect them after I read them. But alas, I don't have the luxury and the privilege yet to buy books whenever I want. So as much as I could, I borrowed books. Little by little, I saved up and bought some if ever there was any extra money. It was my guilty pleasure. Books are not cheap. But I can't give up on them. I think maybe that is one of the reasons why I am a very hopeless romantic even when I was a child. I consider myself a bookworm/book girly.

But as all the bookworms have experienced, there was also a time when I couldn't even pick up a small book. I knew I loved reading, still love books, but I couldn't even finish reading Chapter 1. I guess you can say I was in a book slump. But it was more than that. I stopped doing things I'm happy about. I stopped buying books. I stopped reading, painting, and listening to music. I don't know what it took for me to pick the books on my TBR list and finish them, the only thing on my mind back then was not to think of heartbreaking things other than the stories in the books I've read.

I started buying tragic, tear-jerking books so that I'd have a good reason to cry because even though I have enough reason in real life to cry about, I was empty. And I didn't want to face the reality. I turned to books when I wanted some escape, and for a while, it helped. So I cried when a character died, I cried when it was too relatable, and I cried when the plot/story was so good that my heart felt so full it could burst. And I wished. I wished for a love story similar to the love stories written in a book. If it were just so simple.

There was a time I thought I was done with that hobby, thought I would never pick up a book again. But here I am, reading my 51st book of the year, and I am so damn proud of myself. I can't stop. I promised myself, that life would turn dark again somehow, with obstacles, and life-changing experiences, but there's too much goodness also spread across the world and in my life, and books are one of them. So I will take a break once in a while if I ever feel like I'm in a book slump again. But I think, out of all the hobbies I acquired throughout the years, being a bookworm will forever be one of my favorites.

So cheers to 50 books I've read this year. Maybe I'll list my top 10 favorites and least favorites.

To more books to read and books to buy next year!

[brokenheartedbabe]

Thinking

May 30, 2024

It's been a while. I don't know why, but I can't stop myself from thinking about you lately. Especially today for some reason. The longer we go without talking, the more convinced I become that we'll never speak to each other again. I can't reach out to you no matter how much I may want to because I know nothing will be different between us. I miss you every day. I wish I could see you again. You're the only guy I ever really think about.

I tried moving on, kind of. I slept with another person, and I hated it pretty much the entire time. Then he turned around and freaked out on me after I told him I didn't want to see him again. Oh well. I had a date and he turned out to be a jerk. Told me to drive an hour and a half to come sleep with him after he stood me up. Too bad though, he was kind of hot. I was talking to this one guy, briefly. He was nice. We had a lot in common and I thought we could have gotten along pretty well until he ghosted me. So, not much luck in the dating department. I deleted Tinder entirely. Nothing good has come out of having that app. In fact, I was much better off before I downloaded it.

I have work tomorrow. 8 hours. It'll be good to have something to do. It'll keep my mind off of you.

I don't know why I'm thinking about you so much. This is how it happened last time too. I was doing well. I felt like I was moving on. And then all of a sudden, two weeks after no contact, I thought about you all day. Out of nowhere. Most days, you're just a passing thought. Maybe a random memory of us will pop into my mind and I'll ignore it. I'll hear your name somewhere and it'll catch my attention briefly before I move on. I'll hear a song that reminds me of you and I'll turn it off and go about my day. Usually, my thoughts of you are not all consuming. But today they have been, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I don't want people to know that I'm still hung up on you, even though I've said it before.

I'm tired of admitting that I can't move on from you. I'm tired of having feelings for you that are unreciprocated. I'm tired of thinking about reaching out to you because it just makes me wonder if you ever think about reaching out to me.

And then, a part of me thinks that it's not that I can't move on from you, I just don't want to. When things ended up falling through with all of those guys, I honestly didn't care that much. I was only talking to them because I just wanted someone to talk to, because I can't talk to you. I only slept with that guy because I can't sleep with you. When that one guy stood me up for the date, yeah, I was a little upset, but I was more upset because all I could think about was you. Wanting to talk to you, wanting to hold you, wanting to be with you. Yeah, the date might have been fun, but the only one I really want is you. I still wish you wanted me the way I want you.

I keep telling myself that I'm not waiting for you. I tell myself that the door is closed and I'm going to live my life and if you ever decide to come back, then so be it, but I won't sit around waiting for you to change your mind. And yet, I am actively avoiding getting back out there. I downloaded Hinge probably about a week ago, and I still haven't finished my profile. My friend asked me why and my excuse was that I'm tired of meeting new people. That's partially true. I also don't want to meet someone who is more into me than I am into them. Another partial truth. But the main reason is that I'm stuck on you. And I don't want to meet someone and then suddenly have you reappear in my life, because at this point, if you decided to come back right now, I would welcome you with open arms. So, I am waiting for you.

I don't want to move on because I know the only thing that is keeping us connected is my attachment to you. Once I let that go, we'll be done. So, I'm still in the same position I was in a month ago when you told me that you were using me, and I forgave you instantly. I still am not ready to let you go. And I want to be. I want to be ready to let you go because I'm tired of this sadness. And sure, I'm not sad all the time. But when I'm low, I'm really low. I just want to be on the other side of the situation.

[ageofkarme]

Growing up, praise was something Karme got used to being without. He found other ways to keep going and tinkering, but that didn't change the fact that he wanted to be told he'd done a good job by other people. Polaris wasn't giving much, but what little he offered was cherished. Why? Because Karme's gut feeling told him that his last name, noble heritage, or the fact that he was being paid a small fortune to be here had nothing to do with Polaris' compliments. He saw value in Karme's mind, as scatterbrained it may be, and that was something the witch could appreciate.   "I'm not foolish. I know it's not as simple as saying "I want to make things" and suddenly everything is better. It'll take a lot of work, but that's exciting to me! One day, the whole queendom will know my name because I'll finally make something no one else can. In the meantime, I'll keep practicing with my spare parts and greasy gears in my workshop. I'm finally okay with failing forward. Didn't you mess up a lot before you became a master?" For the first time in his life, nothing was forcing Karme's optimism. He had unburdened a lot recently at the Chrysanthos ancestral castle, and now he was looking entirely toward the future. "Since becoming an Olympian, all I've done is tinker away at my family's vacation estate. I'm packing because I'm leaving Genovia, at least for a while. I'm going to Vulcan's Vessel to set up shop and lend my mind to the Tower. No support, no more allowance or golden flowers in my robes, I'll just be Karme. Except … I think it's been a couple days since I started packing. I'm not sure, I always lose track of time when I'm with my things."   It had been a while since Karme last slept. He was at two days of no sleep when he started this cycle of packing then forgetting he was packing, so by the amount he was blinking it was safe to say he was at four or five now. Wouldn't be much longer before one of these piles became his bed for a bit. "When I need to sleep, my body collapses and I get some. But there's too much to do to sleep every day, I don't know how people do it!" he says with a grin. Maybe he'd be a bit sturdier if he took care of himself better, but sometimes everything else seemed less important than building a new tool. His imagination was too vast for a twenty-four hour day. "I'm just surprised a cousin sent you. I assumed you'd be talentless when you told me, but you seem like a guy who knows his stuff. I'm gonna have the best sculpture ever and it'll be of me!"   Karme had genuine excitement for the end product, so much so that he got distracted while thinking about it and didn't realize Polaris was so close until he turned to face the elvhen again. "Honestly? No. I mean, your trick earlier helped. When you were in my ear and I started picturing the sculpture, I didn't think about anything else. But other than that, I always think about five different things at once. Like right now, I don't even remember all that I have stored in my girdle but I’m trying to, and I want to modify my ship, and you smell really good, but do I smell even decent? Oh and I've still got to repair my other Sisters and—" Flushed again, Karme at least allowed himself to get drawn into Polaris' eyes and not look away. "Even if I'm in a battle, I'll still follow inspiration and start tweaking my tools. I don't really know what a quiet mind sounds like. Must be boring."

While Karme worked, Polaris's gaze lingered on the artificer’s hands. The quick, precise movements of his fingers - the way they danced - coaxed brilliance from the mundane, like drawing fire from stone. He shaped the unshapable and bent the wildness of the world to his will in a way that echoed the hunger in the dragon’s heart. This creature, so small, so breakable, yet infinite in his craft, contained entire worlds between his palms. The tools he wielded seemed to hum with life, singing a song of creation that Polaris admittedly found interesting.

“A noble pursuit,” Polaris murmured, though the words tasted bittersweet. Creation has always carried a cost. The Aetherians had sought perfection, building a world that demanded the destruction of another. Those ashes still clung to the edges of his tongue, acrid and unrelenting. Memories had teeth sharper than any dragon’s. But Karme - Karme came as a cleansing balm, a spark of purity in the ruins of Polaris’s recollection. He’d expected some spoiled, entitled brat, but instead, this strange and vibrant artificer stirred something dormant.

“Packing? For why?” Polaris asked, his voice low, the question less about practicality and more a way to keep Karme’s attention. His gaze drifted across the cluttered workspace, alive with half-finished wonders. Considering Karme’s frenetic energy, it would take a lifetime to pack it all away. “Something tells me you don’t spend a great deal of time sleeping,” Polaris added, his tone both teasing and contemplative. The livewire artificer practically buzzed, as if sleep would only dull the sharp edges of his brilliance.

“I’ve yet to disappoint,” Polaris said, almost to himself, though the words were meant for Karme. The challenge of understanding him - of capturing his essence - it fed Polaris’s idle appetite. A dragon’s hunger was eternal, but this was different. He wanted not to devour Karme, but to take him in, to cradle that essence and give it the sort of life that blurred the boundaries between statue and man. That was the service Polaris provided. Even Karme’s imperfections - the smudges of soot, the sparks of distraction - would make for an enticing piece.

“Sleep deprivation aside,” Polaris mused, leaning closer, his voice as tender as a dragon could permit, “is there anything else that quiets your mind?"

[stuffedeggplants]

1. I’m at the point in True Colors where Fi is in a coma floating in a bacta tank and it just... really made me want to stop reading for a bit. I had to put the book down after the chapter where Darman and Niner visit him aboard the ship because of how that chapter made me physically and mentally feel. I also related to it a little too much for a variety of reasons, especially right now, and I wasn't expecting something like that.

2. This may sound odd, but I think losing Niner’s POV (as far as I’ve seen) after Hard Contact is, in a way, actually part of his characterization, or at least it can be read that way. Because we’re not privy to his headspace in the same way that we’re there for a lot of the worries, anxieties, and doubts bothering men like Darman and Fi, when we do see Niner, we see him in the role that he fulfills for Omega as a unit, and I don't mean that in terms of the "describe your role in this position" way. He's providing something very grounded, like bedrock all his men can stand on so they can keep walking forward. That's who he wants to be and the only person he has ever been.

There's a part in the first book where he's having some doubts about their ability to execute their upcoming plan, but he cannot show he's feeling that way to the rest of Omega. They'll pick up on even the smallest behavioral cue from him. Fortunately Etain is able to sense how he's doing, and she gives him a little boost in the confidence he needs so that he can provide the leadership that Omega needs. So after we lose Niner's POV and our characters are exposed to more and more of the reality of their situation in a way that affects them mentally, we now mostly see Niner as the person he wants and needs to be for other people. Darman wasn't in Niner's head in the first book to learn that he might've wanted to sigh in doubt, but we were. We're not there anymore, and only see into things that bother him when something big enough happens that he shows his own frustrations or worries to somebody else, like his conversation with Darman after everyone decided not to report Sull for desertion. So we see him being the person that his entire identity hinges on him being, the person he needs to be for Omega. That's his biggest priority, and keeping of us out his head makes sure that 90% of the time we're seeing him living out that priority instead of focusing on his worries as an individual.

So though I'd love for Niner's POV to show up again, losing it has still kind of worked surprisingly well because of the unique position he's in as Omega's NCO and how he takes on that role for himself.

The fact that Niner has picked up some of Kal's habits also says a lot, and this quote of his encapsulates things pretty well because he tells us exactly who he is:

All I know is that I go out each day trying not to get killed and making sure you guys don’t die, either, nothing more than that. So … what fills that space when you leave your brothers behind?

[If I repeat myself a lot and belabor the point, that's because I'm typing this after I should've fallen asleep.]

[i-cant-sing]

It's very hard to come up with romantic yanderes but I've just got this idea:

Imagine Toji Fushiguro being betrothed to you, Y/n Gojo. Ever since he was a kid, he was told that he would marry the Gojo Saturo's older sister to make the clan stronger.

Now we all know that Toji hated being told what to do, so he swore to himself that he'd never marry you once he grows up. In fact, Toji grew up hating you because all the elders tried to drill it into him that he only existed to marry you and he's useless otherwise.

Alas, Zenin clan did end up forcing Toji to marry you. However, Toji remained defiant even after marrying you. He did not care that you were actually in love with him, he told you once that this was a "marriage of convenience" and that he'd never touch you with a 10 foot pole even if you were the last person on earth because you're a "manipulative bitch". Now reader is 100% confused because she didn't understand why Toji resents her, but decides to work on this marriage for the sake of her family.

Toji cheats on you, slept around with pretty much anyone and everyone, ended up having Megumi with someone and then forced the baby into your lap, wasn't home much because he'd much rather risk his life doing a bounty hunt than sleep in the same bed as you.

You on the other hand, continued to surprise him as you took it all with a smile. When he told you he was cheating on you, you just nodded and asked if he'd like you to run him a bath. When he dropped Megumi in your lap, telling you it's his son, you smiled and cooed at the baby, promising to take care of him. Whenever he tried to sneak out of the house early morning, you'd come out of the kitchen with his lunch, wishing him a safe journey.

He thought you were crazy. No one in their sane mind would react how you had.

Toji won't lie, he may have not fallen for you, but you had managed to soften up his heart and change his opinion of you from "I MF HATE HER-!" to "She's alright."

He doesn't remember what exactly it was that made him fall for you, but it mightve been the time when he found out how you lied to Zenin clan when they asked if Toji had been treating you well or not. You smiled gently and sang hsi praises, and he couldn't figure out why you did that. You had no reason to, your clan was superior to his, they would've protected you. Toji knows how respected and loved you are by your family.

Or maybe it was when he'd return home with injuries and you'd stay up all night taking care of him. There had been quite a few times when he was near death's door, and it was you who had brought him back.

Or maybe it was the fact that Naoya told him that it was you who paid the Zenin clan to give Megumi to Toji. You paid, out of your own pocket, not your family's money, but your own. For him. And you never told him.

It was selfless acts like these that made Toji realise he was in love with you.

You'd always been so selfless, haven't you?

Eventually, Toji began to show you affection, began being the husband you deserved. You didn't change much, responding the same way you always had, a smile and a submissive nod.

One day, you had off-handedly mentioned to him how you don't think its safe for Megumi to be left with the Zenin clan.

The next day, Toji had returned with the news that he and Megumi were no longer associated with the Zenin clan. An act of love.

However, this act of love turned out to be the worst decision he'd ever made because 6 months later, you'd handed him the divorce papers.

"What is this?" Toji asked, frowning at the contents of the paper.

"Divorce papers. Now, I've already packed my bags, Megumi is still at school with Gojo so you can talk to him later. Don't worry, I'll explain that I found someone else or you can say that it was you who dumped me- whatever story you wanna go with, Toji. I'm fine with it!" You said nonchalantly as you rolled out your suitcases.

"Y/n. I- what are you talking about? What is the need for this?!" Toji demanded, slamming the papers on the table. "Why are you leaving?!"

You looked confused. "Huh? I thought you'd be happy?" You shook your head. "Toji, we are not a real couple. Now, you'd be free to marry whoever you want, and I can move on with my life."

"What are you saying?"

"A marriage of convenience." You smiled. "That's what you said on our first night. Now, you're free."

"No- why? Why now?" Toji asked, blocking the doorway.

"Well, I was gonna leave you after the first month. But then I saw how Zenin clan treated you and I realised you were just a victim in this. If I'd left, I knew the repercussions would've been deadly for you. So I stayed. Then you brought Megumi, so more the reason to stay. But when you told me you'd left the clan, oh! I was so happy! I'd have left the same day, but I wanted to make sure they didn't come after you or Megumi later. So I waited for a few more months and now we're here!" You explained with glee. "Now, you can sign those papers and send them over whenever you feel like-"

"No."

"No?"

"No." Toji repeated, tears in his eyes. "No. You- you're not leaving. You can't. I still- I need you. I love you."

"Is this about money? Because I can still send you some even after we're separated." You sighed and tried to move past him. "Toji~ don't make this harder than it needs to be. Move aside, please." But Toji shook his head and hugged you, his large form completely engulfing yours, and he sneakily threw your bags to the side.

"No. You can't do this to me." He said, hugging you tighter when you tried to wriggle out of his arms. "I love you, Y/n. I fucking love you!"

"Toji, just sign-" Toji pulled away from you, grabbing your chin gently before slamming his lips against yours.

"We can leave, huh? We can go somewhere you like, spend away some time, hm?" He kissed you again when you tried to turn him down. "Just the two of us! I can show you how good I can be. I- I promise, I won't ever hurt you again, I'll be the best husband! I'd do anything for you!"

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Then sign the goddamn papers, Toji." You pushed him off, but he fell to his knees, once again blocking the door.

"Please don't do this." He begged, on his knees, hugging your torso. "I was made for you. Don't do this."

"Stop this, Toji. You're acting like a child. You don't need me anymore, so stop being so selfish." You said, throwing away your bags and hopping over him to get to the door.

"I'll kill myself." That stopped you dead in your tracks. Toji walked up behind you. "If you step outside of this house, Y/n, I swear to God, I'll kill myself." This was his last resort, blackmailing you to stay. You're too selfless, you care too much.

You turned around, with tears in your eyes. Toji felt guilty for pulling on your heartstrings like this but he'd cross any line to make you stay.

"Y/n-"

You slapped him across the face.

"How dare you?" You asked. "How dare you use that against me?" You raised your hands to slap him again but Toji caught your wrist.

"I'm sorry, but it's true. I'll kill myself if you leave. I'll have no purpose in life, nothing to look forward to if you're not here." Toji said, kissing your palm.

"Fine then." You pulled you hand away as Toji smiled. "I'll make sure to bring flowers over to your grave. Or would you like me to spread your ashes instead?" Toji's face never fell so fast. "If you wanna die, then so be it. I'm done feeling guilty for stuff I didn't do." You turned around to leave, only for Toji to grab you from behind and pull you to the basement (that he kept locked because its where he worked). You were freaking out as Toji dragged you down to the room he'd forbade you from ever entering. In a matter of seconds, Toji had grabbed something from the shelf and injected you with it.

Toji cooed sweetly as you fell limp in his arms. "Shh, go to sleep. You'll feel much better when you wake up." He stoked your hair for a few minuets before pulling out some cuffs and chaining you to the bed.

You think you dont have a reason to stay? Fine, Toji will remove that IUD device and give you a reason to stay.