#Marauder incorrect quotes

[a-great-tragedy]

James: Hey Remus! What’s up? Wanna spend summer at my place?

Sirius: Nice jumper Remus!

Remus: *Internal monologue* They all hated me

[mydarlingdearestdead]

@olivers-cocoapuffs 103 per request

James: Mum, I'm dating Regulus now and-

Effie: You couldn't have found anyone better?

James: But Mum! I love him!

Effie: I was talking to Regulus.

James:

Regulus: The store was sold out of everything else

[i-heart-emos]

James : I dare you-

Remus : sirius is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

James : Why not?

Sirius : "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

[percyweasleyapologist]

Remus: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Remus, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

[faerycross]

sirius taking a "is my boyfriend autistic" quiz on his pc at the kitchen table and james making tea behind him like "yeah i took that yesterday. your brother is autistic by the way"

[moondustinfj]

James: He hates me! Why does your uncle hate me Sirius??

Sirius: Oh...Because I told him you were the one who smoked pot in my room when I visited him in 5th year

James: WHAT??

Regulus *coming inside* : Hey, what's going on?

James: Sirius told Alphard that I smoked pot in Sirius' room in 5th year!

Regulus: What? Were you even there?

Sirius: ...I told him he flew out of the window

James: And why did he believe it?

Sirius: Because I told him what an excellent quidditch player you are :)

James: awwww :) you really-

Regulus: NO. Don't even start. Sirius, James and I are supposed to tell him that we live together TODAY and we can't do that if he hates James!

Sirius: Okay! Okay...I'll tell him.

(1 hour later)

Regulus: So. Did you tell him?

Sirius: Yeah about that. I was thinking of maybe writing him a letter-

Regulus: Okay you know what? You had your chance.

Regulus *goes up to Alphard*: Uncle. James didn't smoke pot in 5th year, Sirius did.

Sirius: YOU ARE SUCH A TATTLETALE!!

Alphard: Is this true Sirius?

Sirius: Yes..

Regulus: And uncle. Sirius was the one who melted your collection.

Sirius:

Sirius: REGULUS' ONLY FRIEND FOR YEARS WAS OUR HOUSE ELF

Regulus: *gasp*

Regulus: SIRIUS AND REMUS BROKE UP, GOT TOGETHER AND BROKE UP. AGAIN!

Sirius: REGULUS BECAME A DEATH EATER THEN WENT ON A SECRET MISSION TO FIND THE HORCRUXES. ON HIS OWN!

Regulus: SIRIUS IS GOING TO ASK REMUS TO MARRY HIM!

Remus: what

Sirius: YOU LITTLE- REGULUS AND JAMES ARE LIVING TOGETHER!!

Alphard: ....That is a lot of information to take in 30 seconds. I will have a word with both of you later. And James.

James:

Alphard: You have been Sirius' best friend for years, stuck by him through his drug problem

Sirius: Oh come on, it's not like he never-

Alphard: And now you've taken on Regulus as well. I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.

James: Thank you, sir

Alphard: Please. Call me uncle.

James: Okay...uncle.

Remus:

Remus:

Remus: Okay so am I supposed to ignore the fact that-

[liv45no]

Ted: dating a Black is great.

James: so great!

Remus: the best!

Ted: but they tend to be a tad judgmental.

James: almost punitive.

Remus: they are monsters.

Ted: that’s why the three of us formed a secret alliance to help each other cover up our little mistakes :)

[yourgalgremlin]

REMUS: I spent most of 5th year in & out—

SIRIUS: of the hospital wing?

JAMES: of detention?

REGULUS: of Sirius?

REMUS: …of depression.

[jameskinniesrise]

Remus: James have you ever won an argument with Regulus.

James: We never argue. He speaks French and I shut up.

[a-great-tragedy]

Marauders quotes as conversations I have had

James: You’re so pretty, but do you want to know what else you are?

Regulus: *Laughs nervously* What am I?

James: Deficient in vitamin D. Go outside. And drink more water. I care about you gooddamnit-

[not-rab]

James *out of curiosity*: How did all four of you even befriend Regulus?

Evan: I helped fix his wand after I broke it

Barty: I stole his broom and refused to give it back unless he was nice to me

Pandora: I stalked him

Sirius: I'm his only biological brother and there's no refund button

[bri-cheeses]

*Dorcas introducing Marlene to the Skittles for the first time*

Dorcas: “This is Regulus. Yes, he does bite. Do not mention James or Sirius around him.”

Dorcas: “This is Evan-and-Barty. Do Not separate them unless you are prepared to face the consequences.”

Dorcas: “And this is Pandora. She can see the future sometimes and has predicted horrible deaths for all of us, but we don’t like to worry about that.”

Dorcas: “What do you think, babe?” :3

Marlene: “… I think I’ve just unknowingly started dating a cult member”

[immadeofdustandshadows]

Sirius, about the fight jegulus just had: so when you two fight, he makes you sleep on the couch?

James: no, it's even worse. He sleeps on the couch. So on top of being alone, I'm left feeling guilty that he has to sleep on the couch because of me and I'm up all night thinking about my actions.

Sirius: *thinking* I have to make sure that Remus never learns this.

Regulus: I slept like a baby.

Remus: *nodding* I see.

[stargazingtranquility]

*James, bringing Regulus home to meet his parents*

Regulus, seeing Monty and realizing James will always be hot no matter his age: thank the lord

Effie, seeing the same look she had when she met Monty’s parents for the first time: amen

[raphael-angele]

James: Dad, this is my boyfriend, Regulus. Reggie, this is my dad, Fleamont

Monty: *goes to shake his hand* Monty is just fine

Regulus: *shakes his hand* Nice to finally meet you, sir.

Monty: Wow, look at you. You're much more attractive than those pictures your brother has of you.

James: Dad...

Monty: What a handsome young man you are.

James: Dad!

Monty: *chuckles* Well, I'm gonna go help your mother in the kitchen. Are you staying for supper, Regulus?

Regulus: Uhm...*looks at James*

James: I was about to ask him that.

Regulus: It would be a pleasure, sir.

Monty: I look forward to it. *leaves*

Regulus: *tucks his hair behind his ears and fixes his sleeves*

James: ...what was that?

Regulus: What?

James: You tucked your hair behind your ear and you fixed your sleeves

Regulus: So?

James: ...you only do that when you like someone!

Regulus: What? No, I don't

James: You did it for me, for Crouch, and for Remus! I know that move!

Regulus: You're being ridiculous

James: And my dad?! Are you kidding me?! My dad?

Regulus: Well...you look just like him.

James: Doesn't change the fact that he's my dad. And he's married. Not to mention the fact that he's basically 70

Regulus: And a successful potioneer.

James: Are you serious right now?

Regulus: Wha- Sirius already called dibs?!

James: Oh my Gods!!!

[spiritstar477]

Sirius: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Remus: baby, I’d make you a lovely little enclosure with all the dirt and compose you’d ever want. I’d hold you and take you places in my pocket and kiss you good night. I’d—. . .

vs

Remus: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Sirius: *thinks* yeah, I’d fuck a worm

Remus: *looks at the camera like in the office*

—————————————————————————————————————

James: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Regulus: it depends… were you always a worm or were you transfigured into one? The former, no, we’d never have met. The latter, then yes, and I’d figure out how to turn you back.

vs

Regulus: would you still love me if I was a worm?

James: yes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—————————————————————————————————————

Barty: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Evan: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you

vs

Evan: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Barty: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you

(bc they’re both batshit insane)