#Making use of my time until high school kicked in and everything went to shit

[cheezyharu]

“Standing in front of you, I can’t help but feel a strange sense of familiarity.”

"But of course, familiarity is an inevitable thing. Perhaps one day, you will come to terms with your power and the divinity bestowed upon you. But until then, I will stay here, in this Eternal Library, and wait."

[bnha-headcanonss]

Today got so, so much weirder

Bakugo one-shot. Super light. Hopefully sweet? Idk I don’t write this type of stuff. Apologies for any typos or confusing bits. It’s 4 am. I have not slept.

Slight swearing (expected)

Word count: 1875

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I woke up, sun shining into my eyes first thing. Basically blinded as soon as I wake up, on top of that, I’m going to be late, lovely start to the day!

I get up, get dressed in my uniform, and leave for school.

“Honey what about breakfast??” Mom calls out after me.

“I’m going to be late if I stay any longer! I’ll pick something up on the way, love you!” I yelled while speeding out the door.

I hear a faint “I love you too!” As I slam the door shut and make my way down the street.

“Stop walking so fast will you?!”

Bakugo and I haven’t always been close, he’s got an explosive personality, quite the temper on him. After both of us getting into UA and finding out we were in the same class, we grew closer. Originally it was banter back and forth and absolutely kicking each others ass in matches. Basically wiping the floor with each other.

He’s got this explosion quirk which goes hand-in-hand with his personality and I have a time shift quirk. I use it a lot to dodge others attacks and find way to make their attacks blow up in their own face, in his case, literally. And he hates it.

After our back and forth harsh banter that went on for months, it turned more playful. Eventually we just became each others closest friend. And I’d hate to admit it, it’s been kind of nice. Over time I developed a small crush for him. Nothing too major. But just underneath all the anger and aggression, and ego, he’s not half bad.

“My apologies your highness.” I did a stupid little curtsy and he attempted to push me down. I grabbed onto his arm so his attempt failed. Still funny though.

“What’re you doing out here so late? Usually you’re early.” I questioned. Being late or barely on time was my thing, not so much his.

“Somebody kept me up all night.” He gave me a dirty look.

“You were the one who didn’t want to go to sleep until you got a win. You just got to get better at the game.”

“I’ll blow your fucking face up, shut your mouth.” I burst out laughing. Bakugo sucks big time at Mortal Kombat. He wasn’t much for video games in general but he saw me watching an execution clip online and got interested, typical.

We reach the school and go on with our day. We don’t talk much in class, we sat and did our work. Lunch came and we ate together.

“Hey try this.” He proceeds to dump some green sauce on my food.

“What is it?” I questioned. Bakugo loves his spicy food, pretty on brand but I can’t stand it. I do not have the tastebuds strong enough for that like he does.

“It’s nothing too bad, it’s really good, I made it myself. Try it.” He demanded.

“If I burn myself, it’s on you.”

“Nah you’ll be fine. Go on.” He sits back. I already know how this is going to go, but he made it himself and I can’t say no to that.

As expected, it burned.

“Holy shit Bakugo, this burns so bad.” I’m up and looking for anything to drink but I finished my water a while ago and don’t have anything else. Meanwhile Bakugo is practically dying of laughter in his seat. I swear he’s got tears of joy forming and I’ve got tears related to death streaming down my face. Everything feels like it’s on fire.

“Here here, you’re causing a scene.” He hands me his water bottle and I start chugging.

“I don’t care.. if I cause anything.. that shit BURNS!” I manage between chugs of water. He breaks out into even more laughter.

He was right though, I am causing a scene. I sit back down and try to gain my composure.

“What is that stuff?”

He pulls out the unlabeled bottle and holds it up like an advertisement.

“Lord Explosion Murder hot sauce, available near you.” He’s got a giant grin on his face. You don’t see him smile much, even if it is artificial, it ties my stomach in a knot, that could also be the hot sauce.

“Oh my god you’re such a nerd.” I say with a stupid smile on my face, compensated by an eye roll.

“You find it funny so clearly you love this nerd. Wait- nevermind that sounded weird.”

“Yeah right, cool it hot shot.” I laugh and brush it off, I wouldn’t say love, but I think I definitely like that nerd? I have no idea.

He looked oddly vacant when I brushed it off though. There was no emotion, just stone faced. Completely changed the tone. Luckily the bell rang, we cleaned up and continued the rest of our school day.

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“Roof?” I approach his desk as the final bell for the day rings.

“Yeah let’s go.” He packs away his things and we make our way to the roof.

We’ve been coming up here a couple times a week since becoming friends, just to talk, watch the sun go down, watch a movie or something. It’s like a moment of peace for me. I think this is originally where I started developing feelings for him. It’s just us, there’s no playing an act or anything. We learned to be ourselves and I really like who he actually is.

“What’s it gonna be today?” He questions, pulling out his laptop and turning on his Apple TV application.

“Hmm. What’s on the list?”

We made a list of all the movies we think about but can’t watch at the moment.

“So far there’s 27 dresses, uh 13 going on 30, 10 things I hate about you, god what is up with all the romcoms? All girly shit.”

“You realize who you’re talking to dimwit? 10 things I hate about you.”

“Yeah yeah.” He rolls his eyes, turns on the movie and positions the laptop in front of us both. It’s a nice day. Not cold, no breeze, just nice, warm air. Quiet.

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I must’ve been more tired than I thought because I felt my eyes getting heavier and I’ve had to catch myself from falling forward once or twice. The movies only about half way done.

“Fucking loser.” He says.

“What?”

“You’re falling asleep.” Pointing out the obvious.

“No I’m not, I’m watching the movie.” Uh-huh..

“Right.” He pulls me towards him until my head hits his shoulder. This is different, Bakugo grew some balls or something. I don’t remember much else from there though.

I must’ve been really exhausted.

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I open my eyes to the night sky and Baby Driver playing on the laptop. I barely made it through 10 things I hate about you I guess. I’m still laying on his shoulder but I feel pressure on my head, it feels like his head. And I feel a hand on my waist. Is he asleep too?

“Hm.” I test.

“Finally, fucking nerd. You fell asleep.” He’s got that softer, sleepy voice. Maybe he was falling asleep. He lifts his head and moves his hand from my waist.

“Sorry, I guess today was not my day.” I laugh it off.

“Movie was good. Liked it. I put this on right after though and it’s almost over.”

“Baby Driver?”

“Yeah.” One of the first movies we watched up here. Only because he didn’t give me much of a choice, at all. It was good though, I liked it a lot more than I thought I would, I thought it was just a car movie at first.

“Let’s finish it then.” I offer.

“That was the plan. At least until you woke up.”

“Yeah yeah. Shut up and watch.”

“You’re one to talk.”

As the movie continued I could feel his arm snake around my waist again, right back to where it was before. We haven’t moved otherwise. I’m still really close to him, I can feel the heat radiating off of him, and it’s a lot. I can’t necessarily complain though. Realistically, who would?

The movie finished and we pack up to go home. It started getting colder as the time passed and neither of us had a jacket. The school issued skirt for my uniform was killing me at this point.

I let him rant on about the movie I picked the whole way home. It sounds like he liked it. He really liked the main character because she wasn’t like all the other main characters who are all boy crazy.

“She kind of reminds me of you.” He says. I take that as an absolute win. I love Kat so much. She’s the main reason I watched the movie in the first place.

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Despite the fact that I’ve never fallen asleep on him like that before, nothing was weird. Nothing felt weird. Today was a weird day, don’t get me wrong but that was the most normal feeling part, and it was the most not-normal. I’m confusing myself.

We reach my apartment complex which is a couple streets away from his house and we make our way up the stairs.

“Again tomorrow?” He suggests. Or demands? No clue at this point.

“Tomorrow? Theres no school tomorrow?”

“You come over to my place. We’ll rewatch your movie so you can finish it this time and we can pick another one from the stupid list. Yeah?”

Me go over to his place? Today got so much weirder in just 30 seconds.

“You know, that sounds nice. See you around 1?”

“Yup. Don’t be Late.”

“I’ll try not to,” I start to walk towards my door.

“I’ll kill you if you are!” He’s still just standing there, you can practically hear his smile. You know how you sound different when your lips are upturned, yeah, that.

“You won’t do shit.” I laugh and pull out my keys.

I feel a tug on my arm and I’m met face to face with Bakugo. He grabs my face with his hands and suddenly his lips meet mine.

His hands lay either side of my jaw, thumbs on my cheek, holding my head up towards him. His lips are soft, he’s gentle. I practically melt into the kiss.

He pulls away, we lock eyes for just a couple seconds before he turns around to leave. His face was red. I feel red. I feel hot, and confused. My stomach did flips.

He did shit- not the shit I was referring to, but holy shit, he did shit. What.

“1 pm, don’t, be late,” he emphasized the don’t.

“I won’t.” I say, in utter disbelief. I see a small smile creep up on his lips before he’s out of sight.

What the fuck just happened?

Today got so, so much weirder.

[slutisnotabadword]

A lot of people downplayed Katherine’s emotional abuse towards Damon, and as someone who is a victim of emotional abuse, I’m offended!

Katherine didn’t just reject Damon. She didn’t just hurt his feelings. She didn’t just choose his brother over him.

Let’s put some reality on this, real quick, and put yourself in Damon’s shoes (and even Stefan’s a little).

This person rolls into your life, and you’re immediately struck by their flawless looks and sparkling personality. They draw you in INSTANTLY. But oopsie, your sibling also likes them, and it seems as though the person also likes your sibling. Just when you’re about to accept your losses, OH LOOK, that person you have a major crush on?? They like you TOO. They’re flirting with you, spending time with you, seducing you in all the right ways. But why don’t you look at that, they’re doing the same shit with your sibling. Now you’re doubting and asking yourself: “Is this another person choosing my sibling over me?” Because let’s not forget that our father is a fucking asshole that hATES US. Let’s kick it up a notch tho, this crush of yours turns into the love of your life. You two are sleeping together, exploring eachother’s bodies and all that jazz. But hey! They’re also fucking your sibling, AND IT’S NOT EVEN A FUCKING SECRET. IT’S KNOWN. You’re being played like lotto but you don’t even care because at least someone loves you. And meanwhile, this person is whispering sweet things in your ear, convincing you that you two are going to spend the rest of eternity together forever. But WHOOPS, the bitch dies and your father kills you. That’ll do it. Then eventually you realize that this bitch never died fr, she must be in the damn tomb! Now, you’re pumped up and traveling to the ends of the earth, searching for a witch to get this tomb open to free your one true love. Over a HUNDRED YEARS has passed and you still have not found a way to get them out of that tomb, until now. You get that tomb open and—OH THEY AINT THERE! THEY NEVER WAS AND TURNS OUT THEY KNEW YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THEM!!!! You go into a spiral. Thousands of questions are popping in your head. Did this person ever love me? Was everything a lie? What did I do wrong for this person to do this to me? Was I enough for them? Now it’s time to get those answers answered! The “love of your life” walks through those doors after over a hundred years, and tells you in your face “I never loved you. It was always your sibling.”

I went through something similar to this in high school, and that alone made me want to die. IF THIS EXACT SHIT HAPPENED TO ME, I WOULDN’T MAKE IT PAST SEASON 2.

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 21

welcome to the twenty-first fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Most Artists are Messy by @shipsgalore

Lance is drawing a complicated flower on the base of Keith’s wrist and it makes his lips pull up into a smile despite the panic. They’re always flowers when it comes to Lance. He uses them in everything he does, and usually doesn’t even know he’s doing it. Keith can count on one hand how many times the doodles on his arms haven’t been of flowers.

i love this one because keith & lance are just blatantly and clearly autistic. it’s wonderful. it’s sweet and fluffy and it’s a modern au, which as y’all know is my jam, and the last few paragraphs do this specific thing with sentiment repetition that genuinely gets to me every time

2. Be Alive With Me Tonight by @caesaria [EXPLICIT] [ABO]

When the Blade of Marmora requests assistance on an information gathering mission, Lance and Keith go undercover as a bonded alpha and omega pair. At first, it seems like this is going to be more like a vacation than a mission – right up until everything falls apart and they realize how unprepared they really are. Now, Lance and Keith have to fight to not only survive, but to make it out together. They’ll have to rely not only on their skills as Paladin, but the bond they’ve created and nurtured between them.

okay i gave this one the explicit warning bc there are chapters that are explicit, but tbh the scenes are skippable if that’s not ur thing. now this fic is an EPIC. truly. its a quarter million words and the plot is breathtaking, the worldbuilding is iconic and the romance is like HOLY SHIT. this is a novel, and better yet its a KLANCE novel, so. highly recommend if you have a day or two to read.

3. roses by @renyoi

Lance is always getting flowers for Keith, so Keith decides to return the favor--with a little help, of course.

written for prompt #4 of klance valentine's week!

keith is hilarious here. just in general but here especially and i love him. he wants to pamper lance so so badly and hes so straightforward and earnest!! and allura’s character in here is also excellent. i will leave u with this one line from the fic that made me laugh it loud: “ The next day, the sun rises to Keith Kogane, dressed all in black (that’s all that was clean, okay?!), loitering around in front of Alluring Blossom, the 5-star-rated “I’ve never had such a delightful bouquet delivered to me in my entire life!” flower shop of a woman named Allura Altea. Keith automatically trusted her because he loves people that also have alliteration in their names. “ king. love him

4. here it comes by rideahorse

Keith watched a lonely droplet of water fall from Lance’s soaked bangs, curving a path over the bridge of his nose and then pooling—almost teasingly so—at the bow of his lips.

“I feel like I won, for some reason,” Lance said quietly.

what have i told yall about fics from 2016!!! this fic made me SMILE and im not usually a fan of like senior year of high school fics but holy shit!! holy SHIT!! this fic had me smiling and kicking my feet and losing my mind. i will leave u with the note i put on my bookmark (spoiler warning):

a couple things: 1. “lance is a bad influence” and “lance is a pretty princess (tm)” are god tier tags so thanks for that 2. keith with a tongue piercing. must i say more. 3. i miss keith gyeong that was an excellent era 4. the couple tattoo moment had me taking a Moment 5. here’s how i imagine the aftermath of this: shiro: i saw u ditched prom. are you okay? keith: yeah actually! lance convinced me that we have to have a wild final night, so we went to a High School Party (tm), i decked a guy for lance and your honour, we panic drove away, went skinny dipping in a pool, got caught, ran away naked for two blocks, went to sonic in another town, got matching tattoos, fucked in the backseat of my car, and watched the sunrise :)) shiro: shiro: shiro: shiro: i’m sorry. what were those last parts keith: yeah i know you really like sunrises we probably should have invited you :// but it was kind of an us thing i’m sure you understand :) shiro: KEITH

anyways i laughed

5. if silence was a song by @angstinspace

“It’s … Your show is on so late at night,” Keith tries to explain, as if Lance didn’t know this already. “I guess I was just wondering why that is.”

A crackling silence answers him, and Keith’s stomach sinks. Did Lance hang up? Keith can’t exactly blame him.

But then he hears Lance make a noise––a short huff of breath that might have been either an impatient sigh or a quiet laugh … Keith has no clue.

“That’s the reason you’re calling? To complain about my time slot?”

or, Keith starts anonymously calling Lance's college radio show and develops an unexpected crush.

@catnippackets did a comic of this i believe, and it literally never leaves my head. yall know the trope where one person gets a phone call and halfway through they sigh wistfully and say “god i wish you were here” and then the other person smiles so viscerally it can be felt through the phone and they say “look behind you” and theyre THERE?????? that makes me lose it every time. i love this fic

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!    

[cloveroctobers]

A/N: this is a concept that’s been in my head for awhile now and I just wanted to put it out there since it’s been not only sitting in my head but also in my journal lol. These are just some quick hc’s and you can tell I’ve went back into the twilight hole based on the casting but hey fall season is among us, shut up!

Added this prompt to the mix based on the random content that occurred into my head and I’m using: 11. Discovery.

WARNINGS: more family trauma? + language.

Go back and read my previous September anthology prompt here if you like.

MEET THE BERZATTO’s !

Far as Carmy can remember of his dad: Aldo Berzatto, is that when the man bothered to get dressed up, he cleaned up well.

When he went out with uncle Jimmy back in the day, you can almost always guarantee the night would turn for the worst.

Majority of the time it would be Aldo’s fault since when he got that liquor in his system, he became loud and sometimes ready to take on the world with his violent tendencies opposed to his calm stoic behavior.

That landed him in jail lots of times and Donna grew used to it, letting his ass stay there most nights.

Aldo was originally supposed to go into some boring shit like accounting since he was always good with numbers, had a photographic memory, and used to do taxes for people around the neighborhood at just sixteen for cash.

His mind set was he didn’t come from much so he wasn’t sure how the hell he even thought he was getting into college.

He even still did it on occasion until the original beef took off and Donna became pregnant with Natalie.

Aldo and Donna were high school sweethearts who everyone expected to grow old together, however they didn’t know what was underneath the surface of the prom queen and casual baseball star.

He was decent on the team but it definitely wasn’t Aldo’s passion.

They were pregnant with their first, Michael a year or two after graduation which put their potential aspirations on hold.

Donna grew up with a younger sister, Lydia [who I’ve casted as Jennifer Coolidge in my mind] who Donna always felt like she had to compete with since Lydia was deemed the “more attractive sister but just chubby”

Her looks and personality got her everything apparently.

Her parents started the comparisons from a young age so Donna always felt like she had to do more to make sure she was seen too.

She was involved in everything in school, participated in most of the clubs, got fantastic grades, had a solid group of friends and was a fantastic dancer — it’s what she wanted as a profession but her parents shitted all over that. “Its not practical. How are you going to support yourself…by dancing on stages? You might as well go on the pole.”

And when she got pregnant? There was no hesitation from her parents on kicking her out and so she lived with Aldo + his family, who seemed to like her, got a job until she couldn’t stand anymore — got fired from her job for calling out sick too many times not long before she gave birth to Michael and thus Aldo and Donna were brought into adulthood.

There’s not too much Carmy even remembered about his dad besides him making the best sandwiches, dressing well, having the same high bridged nose and not being around much.

Carmy was young when he passed.

He died at the wheel from a heart attack at just forty-three years old.

The same age as Mikey.

It was always more questions than answers when it came to the berzatto household.

Like when exactly did Donna start drinking and smoking more? When did she stop caring about hiding her prescriptions from anyone that entered the house? was it before or after Aldo’s death?

How long was she aware that he was stepping out on her and had twins right before Natalie came along: Jett and Ruby?

There was a nine year age gap between Michael and Natalie and a eight year age gap between Michael, Jett, and Ruby.

Maybe that caused her to pick up bottle after bottle, cheeks hollow after each pack of Marlboro’s

and her pain wasn’t just chronic from a old dancing injury, it was also because of Aldo’s infidelity

Which is something Natalie sympathized with after this news was brought to the table but Carmy was done making excuses for his mother like Nat and Mikey liked to do.

Jett and Ruby showing up at the bear, a month after everything transpired—was the shoe carmy was waiting on.

Michael knew. He had to.

and Carmy was ready to kick his headstone in if he ever bothered to visit, which proposed the question of: did Michelle know? It was clear Nat had no clue. Did Richie also know?

Did Lena?

Since Richie was Michael’s best friend he had to at least know something but they weren’t speaking—that was more on Carmy’s part since Richie did try but carmy was struggling to turn the dissociation off

and Carmy’s gut told him that Richie had an idea about the whole situation.

That’s what sugar said anyways.

“We should talk to mom,” Natalie says sitting outside of the bear with carmy who’s keeping a safe distance and fidgeting with a cigarette but not lighting it.

He’s trying not to be an asshole just yet to his unborn niece!

“You think we’re ever gonna get any answers from her that makes sense, Sugar? Those people came in here and told us about a man I didn’t even really know, it adds up doesnt it?”

Nat jokes, “well your math isn’t always the strongest…”

Carmy’s pacing but the look he sends his older sister lets her know his mind is spinning just as much as her’s is. “What the fuck are we even supposed to do with this? What do they want from us?”

“Maybe nothing? Or rather a relationship with us? I mean we don’t know them so it could be anything. I told Ruby we should have a sit down for dinner and she can bring her mom if she wants.”

“Jesus, Nat! Why the fuck would you do that? Did you invite mom too?”

“Hell no, not this time! I mean would she even show? Like you said, we won’t get much out of her before she goes on her tangent so it’s better we get a conversation from Jett and Ruby’s mom instead.”

‘She was the other woman, what exactly did sugar think she could tell them that would sit right with them?’ Carmy thought to himself.

“Well I don’t know if I’ll be there.”

“What? No fucking way are you leaving me to do this by myself.”

“Take richie with you.”

“He’s not a berzatto, Carmen.”

Carmy stops tapping the cigarette against his fingers then.

Richie’s not a blood berzatto but he might as well be with all the shit he’s seen and nat was aware of that but carmy also knew what she meant.

“When and where is this taking place?”

“I was thinkin’ Either here or my place. I can make a green bean casserole—

If they had it here they’d have to close the bear down for at least an hour and thirty minutes, send everyone off for break time and you never know where this dinner might end up…possibly making break time longer for his staff since things might be said you know?

The best choice would probably be at sugar’s??? although they’d have to deal with Pete—it might be the only option.

“No the fuck you’re not.”

“Well excuse me bear, what the hell do you think we should eat? It’s my best dish.”

A side dish.

Carmy pinches the bridge of his nose already dreading giving into this, “I’ll figure it out, something from here that’s prepared will do. I got it, you just relax.”

“I’m pretty chill, are you okay?”

“I don’t want to do this, nat. I don’t want to sit at a table where those two get to tell us how much better their upbringing was with dad.”

“They’re our siblings, Carmy.”

“Right…but what exactly do we owe them?”

Natalie’s eyes soften as she takes in Carmy’s words and pushes herself up to hug the younger man, “nothing. Nothing at all.”

Carmy’s on time to Natalie’s, arriving one hour before to rewarm the food in the oven and have pete help him carry the food in.

He’s in a daze but knows he has to keep moving and he notices that the house not only smells like lingering cleaning chemicals but also something else.

“What is that?” Carmy’s face is scrunched up

“Oh one of Nat’s candles, she’s super ready for fall!”

“It stinks, Pete. I don’t know if it’s the nutmeg or the apple that’s making my eyes fucking burn.”

“Oh no man, maybe you’re allergic.”

“I’m not, the scent is too much almost insulting and you need to get rid of it.”

“Me? I’m not doing anything to piss the pregnant woman off, who also happens to be my wife by the way.”

Carmy feels his eyes twitch before he lets out three sneezes back to back, giving Pete a dry look, “it’s going in the garbage.”

“Okay buddy…don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Natalie’s got music going that sounds like some beachy tune to ease the anxiousness that’s swirling around and she calls out, “Ruby’s texted! They’re five minutes away! Where the hell is my candle?”

“I don’t know.” Pete says, “the house still smells great though, babe.”

Natalie’s waddling into the kitchen giving Carmy a raised brow but he just shrugs, unbothered and playing coy.

[Kathy Najimy plays Jett and Ruby’s mother]

And she’s as sweet and motherly as can be, with warm squeezes and complimenting the home.

She brings a dish ofc and it’s damn good, carmy notes.

Nat barely slept about this and she couldn’t blame it on her sciatic nerve this time!

She was tossing and turning just wondering how this woman would be, if she would have this vile behavior opposed to her daughter—Nat and Carmy’s half sister?

Who had this bohemian aura about her. Would their sister’s mom be a witch by defending her actions and bashing her mother and would nat have to throw her out?

Instead…She takes a liking to Pete but it doesn’t seem like she’s not taken a liking to anyone so far!

Nat’s not sure how to take her at first. Was it genuine? but she matches her smile and welcomes her to her home silently praying to the gods above that this didn’t get back to her mother thanks to some nosy neighbors

Yet Donna barely left the house unfortunately

while Carmy is more quiet and standoffish—which they expected.

They get through the basics, some small talk where they learn more about Jett and Ruby first

Jett’s older by six minutes, he’s a vet (army man) and a mental health counselor—which definitely surprised Carmy + he’s married to a boutique owner named Anna, who’s away in Greece right now.

Ruby’s younger, she’s also in a band in her free time that sounds like it’s influenced by Fleetwood Mac and a little Janis Joplin, she’s in a devoted relationship to a burly man named Emil that’s an FBI agent, and they adopted Anna’s niece since Ruby was unable to have children

As for their mother she’s a herbalist now but used to be a pharmacist for many years and gave it away that she saw Michael come into her place of business once or twice, instantly recognizing him but wouldn’t say anything but knew he figured it out the second time around (when he was much older)

That’s when the conversation turned heavy

“So when did you know our dad was married?” Carmy came straight out with it, making sugar almost choke on her seltzer water while his eyes were in a daze as he stared down at his plate.

Pete cleared his throat, “Anyone need refills?”

The twins shook their heads as Nat suddenly slipped her hand into Pete’s underneath the table, squeezing.

Ruby says, “Mom you don’t have to—

The woman shakes her head, “no I do. You two went off to introduce yourselves and Nat and Carmy were gracious enough to invite me as well when they didn’t have to. They have questions so it’s only right I answer them.”

“I didn’t know at first. When we met…Aldo didn’t have a ring on or anything. I originally didn’t want to give him the time of day with the way he was looking at me, like he could see a future I couldn’t see and that he wanted to be part of it with me. Yet he was great at disappearing for awhile and I told him he should have went into magic instead of business. Everything about Aldo was a red flag, I knew he had a business but I could never stop by. He was three years younger than me—I like my men older but that’s not important. I didn’t find out until i saw a much younger Michael, he had to be about seven or eight leaving the store with a bag running off to a car on a rainy day that looked so familiar to me. I never had the greatest of eye sight. I tried to see over the counter but the car quickly pulled off and I knew but I ignored it. It wasn’t until I found out that I was four weeks pregnant that I decided to follow Aldo to the original beef… did I see him arguing outside with your mother, Donna. Nobody is just going to be screaming their head off unless someone did something to them. A woman always knows and I thought about leaving him alone after Donna stormed off but I had to tell him and hope that he cleaned up his act, to be a better man.”

Nat exhaled, “Did you want him to leave our mom?”

“No. I couldn’t take the back and forth from him, one minute he would be loving and then the next distant. It wasn’t ever constant and I slowly grew tired. I told him that he better tell your mother because my pregnancy was about to change everything in their marriage and more than just the cheating.”

Carmy asks, “And how did that go over?”

“It didn’t. I don’t want to bash the dead but your father was a master manipulator and a liar. He had issues just like everybody else but the problem is he liked to ignore them because it was normal to him. He was used to it, almost like he found comfort in it. I just wish he knew that he could have fought for better for his kids. You all deserved better than what he gave.”

“You mean to tell me it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for you two?” Carmy folds his arms, his round eyes focusing on his older half siblings.

Jett holds Carmy’s stare, “I think as kids we want to see the best in the people that raised us and hold onto the better parts—if any—and block out the rest.”

Natalie’s eyes are on Carmy’s now as he take in the words of the bits they’re discovering of their late father.

“We understand that this is a lot and will probably always be but we felt like we couldn’t go on any longer when we’re in the same town and not at least speak considering that you just lost Michael.”

Those last words echoed in Carmy’s ears.

Pete winces while nat flicks her eyes back to Ruby.

Carmy frowns, “Sorry but I uh—I don’t know how you two can possibly think you’re gonna fill that void.”

“Oh That’s not what I mean—

Natalie adds, “And this now feels a teeny bit opportunistic.”

Ruby’s scrambling over her words now but her mother reaches out a hand over Jett and towards her daughter to halt her

Jett swoops in now despite his mother’s movements, knowing their intentions and says, “I understand how this may feel like that truly but we felt like it was time to acknowledge the truth and just come right out with it. That’s not how mom raised us because the truth will always come to light. We’re related by blood sure but we don’t have to be close if this is something you don’t want, we can leave this as simply a tough conversation if that’s what the both of you want.”

Ruby raises a finger, “I don’t want that.”

“It’s a lot to process so we can give you guys time if that’s what’s requested but we also don’t have to move forward with a relationship either.” Jett boldly repeats, “so…thanks for dinner but I’m going to head out now.”

Scrapping the chair back, he excuses himself leaving Pete to gasp and for Jett and Ruby’s mother to also excuse herself to talk to her son who’s voice could be heard from outside the home.

Ruby inhales, “this isn’t how I expected this to go but I also didn’t have unrealistic expectations. I’ve wanted to get to know the both of you…the three of you for the longest but things just didn’t work out that way. I’m sorry for making this weird but thank you for inviting us, I’ll see myself out.”

Nat turns to Carmy then as Ruby also exits, her eyes swimming with emotion and all Carmy can provide her with is a simple shrug, hiding his shaky hands.

He told her he didn’t want to do this anyway.

𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪. 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪. 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪. 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪. 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪. 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ

Continue along with my September anthology prompts here.

[conkreetmonkey]

Why I was banned from r/curatedtumblr: a very belated explanation/apology post

Before migrating here from Reddit, I used to be a regular participant in r/tumblr as a commenter, then r/curatedtumblr when r/tumblr became unusably bloated with repost bots, and the useless mods did nothing because Reddit's leadership system is dumb and broken. Hence the name, curated tumblr; an r/tumblr replacement that was actually moderated. All of the regulars, including me, migrated there, and now r/tumblr is like 90% karma-farming bots endlessly upvoting each other, presumably so the accounts can later be sold for advertising or political astroturfing purposes. Happens all the time.

I explain this because it's important to understand that a) I was a part of the community for quite a while, and b) r/curatedtumblr was heavily moderated, so as to avoid the mistakes of its predecessor. Fine and dandy.

I was a high schooler at the time, terminally online and working a shitty fast food job to save up for the PC I'm typing this on. Thus, I'd spend the days endlessly interacting with the people on r/curatedtumblr, and the evenings working at a Taco Bell, unable to use my phone until breaktime.

One day, I forget the exact context, but the subject of r/FDS came up, which for those of you who are unaware is a hive of femcels. Named as an acronym for Female Dating Strategy, the sub was infamously sexist towards men, going on about things like "high/low value males" and how men below 6' were inhuman scum and basically doing everything incels do but with the gender roles flipped. And just like incels, everyone there was unaware the real reason The sub featured a nauseating glittery pink colour scheme a la Claire's, and everybody there talked like a popular high school girl in a Nickelodeon movie, all "yaaaaaass queen" "you go girl!" and shit like that.

So this sub comes up, and if memory serves we were shitting on it, or at least I was? Again, the context has been lost to memory, and since the sitewide search tools you used to be able to use to find multiple year old comments have all kicked the bucket, and the Reddit UI for finding old content is stupid and requires you to trudge through the entire histroy of a user chronologically until you find what you're looking for with no option to jump to the desired time period, I'm probably never going to be able to find it. I was making fun of the kind of shit they said on that sub, and I said something like "yass kween dump his low-value ass he only makes 800k a year ur worth more gurl," and then went to work.

Now, I didn't know it at the time, but as I worked, somebody saw the comment and thought I was mocking AAVE. They accused me of being a "4 Chan Nazi." Things kind of snowballed from there. Now, and this is embarassing and I've been hesitant to admit to it, but I'm here to explain and apologize, so:

when I was in high school, I did not know what AAVE meant.

I took offense to being accused of being a Nazi, and I forget what my reply was, but it was snarky towards the accuser, which made me look like a POS. Since I did not know what AAVE was, I did not refute the claim that I was making fun of it, and this made me look really, really bad to anybody who did.

I was then banned for this alleged racism. I looked up what AAVE was, realized I totally did look like a racist in that situation, but rather than fight the allegations, me, being an anxious teenager, instead eternally procrastinated on doing so, afraid of further anger directed at me.

It was a dumb choice to make, because now I'm afraid anybody on here from r/curatedtumblr who remembers those days might still think of me as "that guy who turned racist out of nowhere and then ran off." It's been eating at me for years, so I've decided it's time to rip the bandaid off and finally clear the air. I should have done this a very long time ago.

tl;dr, I made a string of bad decisions that made me look like a racist piece of shit. I could have easily undid this by immediately explaining the situation, but being an anxious, then-internet-inexperienced kid at the time, the sudden social rejection scared me, and I hid from the problem.

I'm sorry. It was a bad move. I never intended to mock AAVE, nor appear as if I was doing so. It's a valid English dialect, it's culturally important, and I respect it and those who speak in it. I apologize to anybody I may have offended by accidentally appearing to imply otherwise.

I hope anybody from those days who still remembers me can find it in their hearts to forgive me. Or they can choose not to, as is their right. I'm not here to beg for forgiveness, I'm here to finally explain things and put them to rest. This is what happened, I am sorry, and I hope you also see it as a poorly-handled misunderstanding and nothing more. I just needed to finally move on from this.

[rsedits9420]

Ok so this is like my first time writing, so don’t mind the grammar lol, but…. I just wanted to try it out because it honestly looks fun. So here’s my first fic ig? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Feelings.

Mark Estapa x reader

Btw y/n/n =your nick name and y/c = your color!

Theme- Mark and y/n have been best friends since they were kids. She moved with him to u-mich. Mark and y/n start to have difficulty finding their feelings for each other. That causes them to drift. Until one of them finally makes a move.

Word count: 2.0k

Y/n

I hate frat partys. It’s all so stupid. Who wants to go hang out with a bunch of drunk people who can’t control themselves? I guess Mark does. He drug me here, so he wouldn’t be “lonely”. This kid. He acts as if he has no game. He could easily get a girl on his hip. That for sure wasn’t the problem. Mark and I have been besties for almost 15 years. We meet in my backyard after he accidentally shot a puck into it. He climbed the fence just to meet with little ol’ me. He asked if I wanted to join him, and me being me I took the invite. Ever since that day on we have been inseparable. I went to every single one of his hockey games. Home or away. He never missed a Sunday night movie with me. We did everything together. He was even my date to all 4 homecomings and 2 proms. Our families have always said we will end up with each other one day. Oh god, I hope so. I’ve always thought mark was cute, but it really got terrible as soon as we got to college. How couldn���t I have known how attractive this guy was? I feel like a fool, because in no way will he ever feel the same. I stare across the room to see mark up against some sorority girl. She practically eating his face. I can’t help to feel a sense of jealousy. Then reality hit. He's a D1 hockey player and future NHL player and I’m just me. A girl is now sitting alone at a party staring at her best friend with another girl.

“Y/n come on I need you for pong!” Eddy yells. Ethan is the only one who knows about my true feelings. After Mark and him became roommates I spent a bunch of time in their dorm. Ethan is one of the most genuine people I have ever met. “I'm on my way Eddy!” I replied. Maybe this will help me take my mind off Mark.

As I walk up to Ethan, I'm met with the sight of Nolan doing a keg stand. These hockey boys have no shame. Moyle’s overall strap is currently falling down, starting to fall onto his face. That’s when he face plants right on the hardwood. I can’t help but laugh. “ Yo Moyle dude you okay?” Dylan ask. Nolan sits up looks at me and eddy and says,” Can I play y’all in pong now?” Never a dull moment with this crowd that’s for sure.

After Eddy and Dylan set up the game, I can’t help but wonder where Mark is. I turn to look to where I saw him last and notice he is nowhere in sight. All of a sudden Nolan yells,” Hey y/n are you ready or what?” I snap back into reality and grab the ball.

I’ve just downed my second cup, when I feel two hands grab a hold of my shoulders. “Y’all winning?” A familiar voice says. I turn around to be met with Mark’s gorgeous dark brown eyes. Ethan gasp offendedly. “Stop Sign you know me and her kick serious ass every time we play. How could you even ask if we are losing” he says sarcastically. Mark and I turn toward each other and chuckle. Eddy’s right. We are currently 7/7 and are beating Nolan and Dylan by a shit ton right now. I bounce the ball and it falls into the final cup. Ethan jumps up and grabs me while saying,” How the hell did you get so fucking good at this game? Seriously I need answers.” Truth be told it was Mark. At our first high school party he taught me how to play. Granted he taught me, but I’m still better. He hates that I’m better than him at something he taught me but I just think it’s ironic.

After the game, me, Eddy, and Mark all head to the living room. The three of us sit next to eachother on the couch, while talking about next semester. Its our last semester before sophomore year. Mark, Eddy, Dylan, Mackie, and Luke are all planning to get a house close to campus to stay at, while I am just trying to find an apartment away from people. I'm not a people person that's for sure. It took me a while to get closes to Mark’s friends and his team. Luckily all of them love me. I’m like the team's little sister. Or at least that's what Mark tells me that's what they say. Mackie walks into the room with Luke by his side and says,” Y/n come on! We got somebody who wants to meet you!” Mackie’s hand sticks out inviting me to go with him. I grab his hand a let him lead me down the hall and out that back door to reach the backyard. I’m met with a man about 5’11 with brown hair and he’s wearing a Michigan basketball jersey. “Okay so y/n this is Will, Will this is y/n!” The brown-haired man sticks out his hand and I capture it. “ Me, Hughsey, and Mack are in the same Sports Management class. I saw how bad yall beat the absolute crap out of Duker and Nolan. I'm going to be completely transparent here. It was hot.” A blush crept onto my cheeks. “Um, thanks,” I respond. Damn an attractive guy just flirted with me and all I could say was “Um thanks”. I want to shake myself. “ Well I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go get coffee sometime?” Will asked me. “Sure I would love to!” I say back. He quickly grabs a pen out of his back pocket and grabs a napkin and starts to write something on it. Soon after he hands me the napkin with his number on it. A cute guy just gave me his number. Is this a dream? I sure hope not because I've never felt this good.”

Then Mark’s tall frame appears right next to me and says,” Hey y/n/n we should probably leave if we want to make it to town by 10 tomorrow.” I look at Mark and then at Will. Mark was right we were going back home for the weekend to see our families. “Oh yeah. We probably should.” I turn back towards Will and say,” It was nice meeting you! See you soon!” And grab Mark's hand and head out of the frat house.

Mark

What the hell. Are Mackie and Luke trying to piss me off?

That’s all I can think of, as I’m walking out of the frat party hand in hand with y/n. Mack and Luke tried setting her up with Will Martin. Fucking Will. Everyone knows his games. He will act like a great guy on the outside, but on the inside he’s a huge womanizer. So why the hell are they trying to set him up with y/n. They know what she means to me. How much I care for her. And yet they still did it. I make a mental note to get them back at practice.

As me and y/n make it to my car, she looks up at me and says,”Hey Stops you okay bud?” Stops. The nickname she gave me the first time we met. And somehow it stuck. I look at her soft relaxed face and sigh. “ Yeah I’m okay. Just tired you know.” Hopefully she buys my lame reply. She just nods and gets into the car. I follow, and crank the engine. “So who was that guy you were talking to?” I say acting like I didn’t care. “I don’t really know. Mack and Hughsey said he was in one of their classes. His name is Will, but that’s pretty much all I know. Oh and he plays basketball.” She says pretty nonchalantly. “Oh and he asked me out for coffee.” She says shyly. “Isn’t that a good thing?” I responded. She looks at me with glossy eyes and says,”Well I don’t really think it will work. I mean look at him and then look at me? I’m nowhere near his league.” What?!?! Is that what she thinks? Because I think a hell of a lot more than that. If anything she’s out of HIS league. I try to calm down before saying,” Y/n, no. I know you might not think it, but you're beautiful. Don’t let anyone make you feel differently. And also if anything you're out of his league. Not the other way around.” She looks at me and smiles,”Mark, I don't know what I’d do without you.” I’m pretty sure I’m blushing after her comment but I’m not going to look. I can’t have her knowing my feelings. She wouldn’t ever feel the same. I will be just the boy next door who was like a brother to her.

And it was painstakingly obvious. Basically our whole highschool knew. And just after two times of meeting y/n, all the guys here knew too. I’ll get chirped about it for probably the rest of my life. Mark Estapa, the guy with some of the most penalties in the big 10, is too scared to tell the girl he’s been in love with for 8 years that he loves her. And I do love her. Not like a friend, but more. But I know that she can’t say the same.

I think about her and Will, all the way back to my dorm room. Her small frame slowly follows from behind me, as we’re going down the dorm hallway. I open the door and she stalks her way in. She goes straight to my dresser and picks out an old storm shirt and a pair of sweats. “Can I wear these tonight?” She asked. “Of course. But be careful with the sweats, the drawstring is broken, might have to roll it a couple of times, shorty!” She gives me a glare before throwing a sock of the floor at me. “I’m not short, you're just huge!” She says. I give her a skeptical look. “Uh huh. Sure.” I say as I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I walk out she’s on my bed scrolling through her phone, not paying any attention at all, so I decide to jump right onto the bed. My actions cause her to almost fling off of the bed and right onto the floor. Lucky for her she doesn’t. She playfully slaps my chest and says,”So you think your funny Stops?” Uh yeah I do. I’m hilarious. I take off my sweat shirt and shoes and climb right next to her on the tiny ass twin bed. I grab her to pull her close. I take in her sweet smell and it reminds me of the hood she has on me. We’ve been snuggle buddies since we were 5. She and I kinda just did everything together for the first 3 years. We wouldn’t be able to sleep unless the other was next to us. It causes our parents some trouble, but who really cares? Not us, that's for sure. Over the years, after her Sunday movie nights we would either stay at her house or go to mine to sleep. It’s just been our thing. And once we got to college it happened more. Her roommate is definitely an interesting cat. She’s super sweet,but definitely not someone I would be able to hang out with for 8 hours a day. That’s why y/n comes to hang out with me and the guys. Eddy loves her like a little sister and the others treat her as one of us, so she’s always hanging with us. Nobody minds, we actually love the company. Me a little too much but I won’t tell her that. I get one good look at her beautiful y/c hair and y/c skin and drift off to sleep with the image of her in my mind.

Let me know how it was!!!!

Pt 2 ⬇️

[astral-catastrophe]

I hate how this girl said I was her best friend.

Her best fucking friend in the whole fucking world.

Then the next I know. My simple question about her coming to a thing after class turned into an hours long argument over Snapchat because she was too much of a coward to say it in person. Or over text. A phone call. Snapchat. A place where her messages would be gone the second I saw them.

Then the way she switched between “you did nothing wrong” and. The “you did everything wrong”.

Then the. “Okay maybe I should have done a b and c.” But the phrasing and her perfectly posed self was a grab for me to immediately assure her she’s fine and did nothing wrong. I’ve seen her do it to others and explain it to me.

So I answered with a simple. “Yea. You should have.”

And so I stopped reaching out. It was always me who would reach out in the first place. So seeing that she won’t do the same and is clearly fine with her entire damned “friend group” angry with her over how she treated me? Everyone I showed her messages too said that no, I wasn’t crazy for seeing manipulation in her words. Because I was being actively manipulated through her sympathy pulls.

So. I was her best friend. But now that I told her how I felt about the crap she’s pulled, that’s five years down the drain.

Five years. Five whole years??

I meant so little to her that she would rather hang out with exclusively her boyfriend and not her actual friends, just because I’m me.

Just because I am who I am. Just because I decided I wouldn’t stand for any shit from anyone.

All because I asked if she was coming to something after school.

I hate the whole victim mentality stuff. Like. I can see. Did I say things I should not have? Oh probably, but did I say it in defense? Did I say it because I’ve been trying to live by my brutal honesty? Did I say it because I was tired of being treated like that? Did I say it because I’ve had too many awful friends?

Did I say all that because I hadn’t talked to someone who claimed to be my best friend in over a month because she wouldn’t make efforts to meet me halfway?

I spoke from a position of someone who wanted their friend back and only tried to defend themself.

Should I have told her that it’s upsetting that she never makes the effort to be around any of us anymore? I’m not sure.

But she shouldn’t have blown up on me for a simple question. She created a problem, singled herself out, then took out all her issues on me. We were best friends, as you claimed. So fucking explain why I haven’t properly seen or talked to you since the beginning of November, which was three ish weeks before this all went to hell. If we were best friends, you wouldn’t have abandoned me for a boy you’ve known for nine months now.

Nine months, verses five years. She wanted me as her maid of honor to her wedding with this guy. She wanted me to help wedding plan.

We’re still kids. I refuse to take part in that.

Especially since the last time I saw her it was in the hallway between classes. She excitedly came up to me, acting like nothing was wrong. My fight or flight kicked in and I booked it because the anxiety was so so high from an out of character moment.

But I hate myself for wondering if I want her back. I hate myself because no matter what I said the outcome would have been the same. Because no matter what I’ll do or could have done it’s always gonna be her boyfriend over me. I’m the second choice. The fallback.

Do I really want her back over the nights I’ve spent near hysterics. It’s almost five am and I’ve been up for hours anxiety ridden and thinking through so much.

Do I want her back after her manipulating me? Would I be able to look her in the eye without seeing the “I have an issue with you acting like I'm the bad person” and the “I know you do care. But I haven't heard a single fucking word until today” and the “And then you blowing up on me for not communicating. I stopped trying to communicate because when I do I barely get a response” ?

I communicated more to her than I did to anyone else. Anyone else. I dropped things I wanted to do to see her. I didn’t blow up. I only asked a simple question.

Am I horrible for asking a question, then defending myself when being accused of stuff that’s not true? Because oh man. I shouldn’t have said a word. Next time I’ll keep my silence because my words are too sharp and too true for people to handle.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: talking about suicide (in detail), suicidal thoughts, depression, mention of physical and sexual abuse, general bad headspace, big trigger warnings. This is a rant, I feel like shit rn

I've never known what it's like to not be suicidal. The first times I remember trying to commit suicide was when I was 4 and tried suffocating myself through training the dog to sit on a pillow put on my face. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) my survival instincts kicked in and the dog would always get down because I'd squirm too much. This was something I tried for months until the dog was removed because he bit a different kid.

One of the things I remember doing growing up to make myself feel better was planning my own death. Since I was 6 or 7 I'd think about how I could kill myself without hurting the people around me. I tried getting run over, I had plans for running away and paying someone to kill me, and a ton of things like that.

In my teens I tried overdosing on painkillers multiple times, I kept a cup of bleach by my bed so I could gamble with my sleepy brain and drink it, I tried starvation and drinking poisonous stuff, and my self harm went from biting and scratching (not where it was visible because by the time I was in grade 3 teachers were doing sleeve checks with me) to cutting.

The thing is is that I'm painfully good at not dying. I have a weird genetic thing where I need to take 2 or 4 times the amount of normal medication for it to have any impact (they couldn't do some surgery on my teeth without locally freezing it because all the drugs and anaesthetics just didn't work. They were at the highest legal doses). Everything I've tried hasn't worked.

But I wasn't the only one trying to kill me. My birth parents, before they abandoned me, used to hold me under water, beat me, starve me, choke me, etc. After that I was in the foster care system and bounced from place to place. The various foster siblings I had also came from fucked places and did some fucked things themselves. I've had multiple siblings who wanted and actively tried to kill me multiple times (usually drowning, but some choking, suffocation, knives, getting into "accidents", stuff like that).

I've also had a bully at school threaten to kill me me and actively tried. I don't know what it is about myself that leads to this but I give off an aura that makes people want to kill me. But somehow, despite all this, I've managed to stay alive. Even though I've actively fought to die.

I've never learned what it's like to have innocence or peace or to not be fighting for my life. I don't know how to not want to kill myself and still my biggest comfort mechanism is thinking and/or planning different ways I can die. It's the one thing that's remained constant in my whole life. It's one of the first things I learned how to do that was in my control and the thoughts of my eventual death is more comforting than another person has ever been.

I have and never have had any goals in life, ambitions, desires, heros or people I look up to, etc. I don't know why I exist other than to spite death at this point. I've forgotten the number of times I've tried to kill myself, and I didn't even know how to count when people first started trying to kill me. That number is so high that I genuinely feel uncomfortable around people who haven't tried killing me at least once. It's that normal to me.

I'm not going to try committing suicide because I know it's pointless and I'm too good at not dying lol, and please do not think I'm telling you any of this to say "these are my last words". I am not going to kill myself and this is not an emergency.

I just feel so lost and worthless. I have no goals and am stuck in this weird space where I'm alive physically but stuck in my head.

I wonder what it's like to live a life where death wasn't a constant. I knew about death before I learned how to speak. I was an "easy child to raise" because I thought any adult would kill me if I did anything they didn't like. I still feel like that sometimes and it fucks up my ability to socialize. For some reason people treat me like a kid still even though I'm officially an adult now. They talk down to me but don't listen to me.

I have no access to help and am hiding from some abusive people. I have no friends and no one that actually cares about me. I don't know where I'm going with this, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. You've been through a lot, and I see you. Please know that we care about you, and you matter.

I wish I could find it but there's this flowchart I saw once, perhaps during my QPR training, that showed the stages of a suicide attempt, including different stages of bargaining, as well as instinctual survival instincts that naturally fight to stay alive that's represented as a final wall. I bring this up because of being "painfully good at not dying" as the body will fight to stay alive no matter what, on top of any genetic factors.

I don't think it's necessarily that you give off an aura that makes people want to kill you, as you're inherently deserving of love and respect, especially after everything you've been through already. There's really no justification for being mistreated in the ways that you have.

I can understand how you may be using thoughts of suicide as a comfort mechanism, because it entertains the possibility of removing all negative things. But it's not worth removing all positive things in your life, and permanently removing the possibility of having more positive experiences in the future. You deserve to live a long and happy life, and it is still possible with everything you've been through already, though it may be hard to imagine. It may be helpful to consider that perhaps all these experiences where you escaped death suggest that you deserve to live.

If you can access and afford it, and if you don't already have it, I recommend looking into getting a therapist. A mental health professional could help you process your previous experiences and learn how to deal with these thoughts of suicide and using healthier coping mechanisms that don't potentially endanger yourself. You deserve the best care available.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[thenewpathfinder2024-2034]

"I was struggling with quitting fire dept before David was killed. Thought I was finding the light at the end of the tunnel & then that train hit. Trying to find a new perspective. Lots of his side pieces came out of the woodwork. Hell I didn't know he had a wife before Cary. She's acting like they were still married same as Cary. I've had some if his side pieces of David reach out & try to be friends. No thanks. Most of his were psychotic."

I've always felt that I have to be really close to perfect to get peoples approval or love. I made straight As in high school and college, metals in the US Marine Corp,  health and safety manager at a chemical plant, special operations firefighter, professional photographer and outstanding diver, it never seemed to be enough. Everyone has always expected more. It's exhausting if im being honest. Adds SO much stress to everything I do. I guess that's a big part of why I struggle so much with selfish people in my life. 

We did have a lot of fun. I told someone about that a couple of weeks ago when we were in Fl. Friend ordered prawns & I busted out laughing. They couldn't figure out what issue was. Told the story & then hers came the same way. She sent them back. Lol. Was talking about Thailand & the bad driving by the motorcycle driver. Thailand trip. Lol that was kind of a disaster but parts were fun.  We mostly had fun. Some days/times were better than others.  Don't think it was intentional but we were either both doing well or we were doing bad hustle wise.   We had our friends separate from us. Some days that was good & others it wasn't. We were either all in or didn't give a shit. I felt like I cared when I shouldn't have & im sure you felt the same some times. I will even admit that at one point I thought we would make a good family.  Then realized you weren't leaving the guys you found for confidants. Think that was my lightbulb moment that I should have moved on. I didn't which made me want to kick myself years later. I always hang on too long hoping that I can do something to make a change. What a dumbass!!!

That was how I felt originally but then we did a lot like a family over the years. It changed what I wanted. Some things happened & made me feel stupid for thinking that could ever be possible. I'm not a prince, fairytales don't come true. Communication was ALWAYS our problem!!!! We assumed we knew what the other wanted too much instead of asking. I'm not the same person I used to be. Learned some Really hard lessons along the way.  None I care to repeat. I honestly wondered some days what you were doing. Couldn't understand what you were trying to prove & to whom. Figured it wasn't my battle to fight so quit. I live in today. The past wasn't kind to me & tomorrow isn't promised. I make alot of plans b/c that typically leads to me doing almost everything spur of the moment. 

I finally have a great retirement. Probably something I should work on more but another complication. Everything I had invested I saved by movinb it in time. I will leave a big boy job with benefits less than a year. Until then who knows. There have been many horrible things said over the years by both of us. Just know that in all of our time together that I never cheated on you, entertained anyone else, I appreciated the things you did for me & I truly loved you. Despite all that has been said & what you thought or still think is true, that is the truth. I acted bullet proof. You were either in Go mode, or Sex mode. Seemed to be very little of in between. A lot of the time I felt like you were only with me when it was convenient. We would make plans & something better would come along so you left me hanging. I will never forget we had come home from work, showered, played & then went to sleep. Woke up & you had left a note that you were going to do something for a friend. You were going to come right back & didnt. Came back drunk and you said didn't know where you were at. We had had such a great morning & I was ready to pack all my shit & hit the porch. I was SO pissed I was fuming. I was at first dating a married woman who was never leaving her lifestyle. What else did I expect. I was done with you but let you come back a few days later. You said it was a miscommunication. That was probably the start of our demise. Just FYI... I always liked buttering your bread. LolI'm trying to learn to chill. My problem is when I have down time, I get in my head. NOT a good place to be. That's what happened to me this Sunmer. I wanted to be home all Summer & thought I would do a ton of cool things. Got what I wished for & liked it. Impossible travel plans came through like rain it was amazing. 

I've never been great at expressing my feelings. Makes me vulnerable. Only a few times I really fully trusted you. That's a big part of why I didn't share b/c I didn't want things to change. Anger, frustration & shutting down was b/c I didn't think I could tell you how I really felt or what I wanted. I knew you had others & if I didn't say or do the right thing you would give them my time. That's the last thing I wanted. You have to remember that i don't recall you asking either. Again too much assuming what was needed/wanted on both of our parts. I have nothing to lose now by being honest. Last time we spoke you said some really really mean things to me. Amongst those that you hated me. If you go away today & we don't speak again for several more years at least you will know how I feel for better or worse. Not saying anything to be mean or hurt your feelings b/c that's definitely not my intention. Just letting you know my perspective. You know I don't really think we ever said I love you to each other that i felt it was real from you. Nice to know hindsight. Sure would have been nice if we hadn't let our egos get in the way, huh? I did those things b/c I loved you. Wasn't big on saying my emotions then, more of showing my love. Funny I tell people all the time that I love them now. 

I don't do what I do for recognition. I do it b/c it's the right thing to do. These days that's few & far between. I was raised by some damn heathens but I was taught to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I would want others to help me if I was in the same situation. Luckily I've never needed much help b/c I can honestly say probably 90% of people I've helped wouldn't lift a finger. That's ok b/c I never expect anything in return. 

I come out on the other side of my problems doing well b/c there is no other option for me. I have no one to rely on. Nobody is going to do it for me except me. That is the realization I live with everyday!!! Sad state of affairs if I do say so myself. I love it due to the fact that I have honestly, responsibility, and accountability. 

Happiness & Joy sound great. I hope you succeed.. Many lessons learned on both sides. I'm glad you reached out. I'm quite content with having lunch or a drink if both schedules match but understand there will be walls & Armour as you like to call it. Nothing personal just protective. You really were my safe space sometimes but still felt judged a lot for not having my shit together too. I was just thinking while I was on the phone that I must have not thought you were being genuine. Or we weren't in a good place when you said you loved me. You used to do extra stuff to make up for when you had stood me up or acted crazy. Maybe it was one of those times. As a general rule a year or so into us I would have been over the moon. But the first of many "just friends" off of tender was the last of us honestly.

[yurrfttboyy]

I never imagined my old high school bully, Thad, would turn out to be a little bitch. He used to puff his chest up at me every single day, constantly kicking my ass and putting me in humiliating choke holds in front of everyone. He was the king in high school, but we’re not in high school anymore.

He ended up marrying the girl I had a huge crush on. So you can imagine my surprise when she came over to chat with me at our 10 year high school reunion, alone. She told me about how she could never get over how Thad would ruthlessly humiliate me, and she also confessed her attraction to me. We decided to meet up the next day for lunch and a drink, and she went into further detail about her current life with Thad.

She told me Thad was so cruel back then because he’s a fucking freak! She told me about how he begged her to dominate him and take control, revealing his sick foot fetish amongst many other random fetishes (I only remembered the foot fetish because I thought it was hilarious) She told me about how he’s been locked in permanent chastity for the last 6 years without a single break, and how she’s fucked over 100 men in their bed since he’s gone into chastity. She explained how she loved having him around as her personal little slave, but that she was missing something, a lover to connect with on a romantic level.

To be honest I didn’t believe half of the shit that she was telling me, not until she invited me over to their house for dinner that next Saturday night. I was a little nervous, remembering my last encounter with Thad being him knocking out one of my teeth all because I wouldn’t say “I like to suck big dicks” while he had me in a headlock. He loved to put me in a humiliating, powerless position and then make me say off the wall gay shit, sometimes I would but other times I wouldn’t. The last time I saw him I didn’t, and he fucked me up for it.

I was surprised when he answered the door completely naked except for a small, pink tutu. I could see the tiny metal contraption under his tutu, and couldn’t resist giving it a playful smack. “Hey Thad, you’re looking a little different these days. It’s been a while” I said, no longer nervous at all. I grinned arrogantly at him as he curtsied and then turned to lead me into the house.

It turned out everything she said was completely true! I couldn’t believe it, but I absolutely loved seeing him degraded so low! I took every opportunity to smack his ass every time he walked by, a small humiliation compared to the horrible things he did to me back in the day, but I knew he hated it. I could see him tense up after each smack, which only made me smack it even more. I kept going on dates with his wife after that, and we slowly fell in love, just like the last 10 years had never even happened.

Since we’ve decided to commit to each other, Thaddy-boy has been working really hard to make up for the years of bullying he subjected me too. We decided that he can start by letting ME have the keys to his chastity belt, which my new girlfriend was more than happy to hand over, and he’s also been spending alot of time worshiping my feet. Since adulthood I have become a pretty tough dude, but I have no desire to hit him and beat him up, I get so much more satisfaction out of sitting on the couch and making out with his hot wife while he sucks on my stinky toes. I can tell he doesn’t like it from the faces he makes when he licks my feet, but he knows he has no choice, he is a slave to his wife and his kinks, which means he is also my slave. I take great pleasure in calling him in on his hands and knees and ordering him to peel off my shoes and go to town on my feet. I’ve even bought a cute little bell, we call it the “foot boy bell”, he knows he is to drop everything and come to my feet everytime he hears it ring. My girlfriend and I have been talking about marriage, I hope our little Thaddy-boy doesn’t decide to leave us once she serves him the divorce papers. My feet will sure miss him if he does, but I doubt my fiancé and I will.

[crimxonwrites]

Billy’s girl | Eddie Munson x fem!reader part 2 - ❝ Why are you always so sad, pretty girl?❞

A/N: Part 3 coming soon-ish. Hope y’all enjoy!  !! English is not my first language!! feel free to point out any spelling/grammar mistakes. Thanks ♥

☇ summary: You are trying to get over your ex-boyfriend’s death by getting high out of your mind. Your plans fail as you realize that you don’t need drugs to forget Billy, you need someone to make you forget.

☇ warnings: drugs, sexual innuendos, sexual tension, alcohol, mentions of death, TRAUMA, bad coping mechanisms, season 3 spoilers

☇ pairings: eddie munson x fem!reader 

დPart 3

დMasterlist

As the music dies out, you feel yourself coming down from the high. The rest of the evening was spent in Steve’s car, listening to Robin and Eddie’s high conversations about everything and nothing at the same time. You lost track. Eddie kept rambling about how much he wishes his D&D games were real. If only he knew about what actually goes on in Hawkins.

Both you and Steve were quiet throughout the evening and you knew exactly what Steve was thinking about.

You and Steve bonded when you started your job at Scoops Ahoy. Sure, both of you went to the same high school, but your high school years were lonely. The only friend you had was Billy, but when he disappeared from your life, you found yourself wanting to form other connections. Platonic connections, preferably. Steve “the hair” Harrington was a good candidate, but only after you made it clear that you were not interested in dating him. You wanted to tell him about Billy, and how much you missed him that summer, but you were afraid of losing Steve.

Your summer turned upside down. Literally.

After chasing clues and Russians, you, Steve and Robin were inseparable. Trauma bonding is strong, and your summer was awfully traumatic.

“Oh, shit… the cops.” Steve’s voice brought you back to reality as he quickly turns the car engine on.

You look through the back window and spot a police car. You feel the paranoia creeping through your whole body. “Son of a bitch…” you manage to mumble.

“Oh, no, no, no!” Eddie exclaims and opens the door.

Caught in the heat of the moment, you open the car door and get out. “What are you doing?” you ask as the police sirens get louder.

“My van is close; I can’t leave it here!” he answers and takes a look at the watch around his wrist. “Are you coming?”

“Y/N, come back!” Steve rolls the car window down.

“Come on, beautiful!” Eddie’s voice echoes through your head.

Your fight or flight instincts kick in when you see the red and blue colors as the police car gets closer to Steve’s car. Of course, you follow Eddie. Eddie wouldn’t ask about Billy and he would spare the big sob story. You take his hand as you start running through the dark forest. The cold air sends a shiver down your spine, but you keep running. You run, and run, and run, until the police sirens begin to fade away.

Eddie lets go of your hand and you open the van door, hopping in the passenger’s seat.

“What’s up? First time running from the police?” Eddie asks and starts the car engine.

“Yes!” you cry and give him a concerned look. He winks in return and you let out a long sigh. “Where are we going?”

“My castle, princess.” As your heart skips a beat, you find yourself staring at Eddie, still in disbelief that you chose to follow him instead of sticking with your friends.  

Grief is a big part of the healing process. That’s what your mother kept saying. She said it after your father passed away, she said it after your dog passed away and she said it after Billy passed away but you’ve always wondered how much you have to grief in order to heal. As you got colder and colder after Billy’s death, you found yourself unable to talk about him. The idea of facing your best friends tomorrow, and explaining to them what you’ve been through is terrifying.

You’re used to mourning alone. That’s how it was and that’s how it is now.

“So, Billy’s girl?” Eddie asks as he takes a right turn, entering a trailer park.

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” You shut him down. After he stops the car, you take a look around the trailer park and finally realize why it looks familiar. Max lives here. Billy’s step sister, Max.

“Welcome to the Munson Castle!” Eddie opens the trailer’s door. “After you, princess.”

---

“So why did you choose to come with me?” Eddie rests his head on his hand, looking at you.

Eddie’s bedroom is nothing like you expected it to be. It has a lot of personality and you find it weirdly cozy. His bed is comfortable and you’re starting to get used to the tobacco smell.

“Why did you ask me to come with you?” you ask switching positions, now laying on your back on his oddly comfortable bed. You turn your head to face him, and you just know he would do anything to lay besides you. Instead, Eddie shifts in his desk chair and takes another drink from his can of beer.

Maybe not.

Maybe he doesn’t like you.

“Because you fascinate me.” He shrugs. “You’re so quiet and mysterious.”

“What?” you can’t help but laugh. “You’ve known me for half a day, Munson.” You add as you break eye contact and let your eyes wonder around the room.

“Then tell me about yourself, Y/L/N.” Eddie gets up from his chair and lays down besides you. You can’t get yourself to look at him. His body being so close makes you nervous. Fuck.

“I don’t do that.” Your answer is followed by a nervous chuckle.

“Would you like something to help you with that?” he asks as he waves a joint through the air. You try to get it from his hand. “No.” Eddie gets up and lights the joint. He takes a puff and places himself on top of you. “Open.” Speechless, you obey him just as you did a couple of hours ago, in Steve’s car. The smoke swiftly invading your lungs.

Unable to take your eyes off of him, you wonder if he will kiss you. He doesn’t. Instead, Eddie collapses besides you on the bed and sighs. “Okay!” you give up. “What do you want to know?” You lift your upper body and lean against his bedframe.

“Anything.” Your heart skips a beat when Eddie places his head on your lap. “Is this okay, princess?”

“Yes, and… can you stop calling me princess? My name is Y/N.”

“Y/N…” the way Eddie says your name makes you melt.

It makes you melt, but it also turns you on.

Eddie hands you the joint and you take a big puff. “Okay… my name is Y/N, I enjoy long walks on the beach and writing.”

“And Billy.” Eddie adds and you feel your body tense. “I’m sorry. You like writing? Really?”

“Yes.” You blow the smoke on his face and he laughs. “I like writing about things and people that don’t exist.”

“You know… Dungeons and Dragons is about things and people that don’t exist. You should join our campaign.” He smiles.

“I will consider it, just because I like your face.” You smile back.

“Ouch!” he exclaims. “Just my face? What about my personality? My company? What about all the things that I have to offer, Y/N?” Eddie asks with a very dramatic tone.

“What do you have to offer, Eddie?” you laugh.

“I cannot believe this!” he exclaims and suddenly gets up. “Lets dance.” After starting his cassette player, Eddie places the joint between his lips and grabs you by the hand.

You can’t help but laugh and join him. Your body quickly gets used to his body’s movements. As he spins and pulls you close to him, you find yourself enjoying the rock music, and most importantly, enjoying his company. You allow his hands to explore your waist and he allows yours to explore his biceps. Both of you get lost in the smoke, the music, the moment. Eddie pulls you closer to him and you rest your head on his shoulder when the songs gradually become slower. You don’t want this embrace to end. You don’t want this night to end.

“Why are you always so sad, pretty girl?” he asks. “Happiness looks so good on you.”

Why does he always know what to say? Your grip becomes stronger when you feel tears running down your cheeks. “Billy. Loss. Loneliness. Everything.” Taking a few seconds before answering, you finally spill it out.

“Oh, no, don’t cry.” Eddie mutters. Feeling his distress, you let go of the beautiful boy and pull yourself away from him. “I’m sorry, if it isn’t a good time, I-“

“It’s fine, Eddie.” You cut him off and sit on the edge of his bed. “I just… have not talked to anyone about him.” Eddie sits down beside you. “I don’t know how to.”

“You don’t have to.” He cups your face with his hands and wipes your tears.

“Senior year.” He lets go of your face. “Billy had just moved in Hawkins and I was painfully lonely.” You pause, looking at a very concerned Eddie. “My dad passed away two years prior to that, and my social skills were not the best. But that’s what Billy liked about me. I was quiet, pretty and smart. But he did not want to date me. He would take me on dates, he would take me to parties, he would drive me around…” your voice breaks as you start missing the feeling of being with Billy. “But he never made it official.”

“What?” Eddie asks with a tremendously confused look on his face.

“Billy wanted to be with me, but didn’t want to world to find out.” You continue. “Now that I say it out loud, it sounds stupid.” You force a smile. “But I loved him. I think.” You whisper the last part, hoping that Eddie did not hear it.

“Billy sounds like a bitch!” Eddie exclaims. “What man in his right mind would not want the world to find out you are his girlfriend?”

You smile. A genuine smile. You lean your head on his shoulder and smile. “Satisfied now?” you ask him.

Eddie lifts your face with his finger. “Yes.” He smiles.

You wonder for a second if he can hear your heart beat. It’s beating so fast, and you swear that your legs would give up if you weren’t sitting down. His touch is gentle and his smile is contagious. Eddie clears his throat and removes his hand, breaking the eye contact.

“Eddie…” you grab his hand, forcing him to face you. “Why don’t you kiss me?” you find yourself talking, faster than your brain can process. “You never kiss me, when you want to.”

[seita]

— better than (m.)

pairing : iwaizumi/reader

wordcount : 3.087

genre : fluff, smut, pwp

cw : college!au, athletic trainer!iwaizumi

tags : implied age gap (hes 27 reader is in college- age nkt specified. he's older tho), size kink, dom!iwa, pussy job (a lil bit), multiple orgasms, sensitivity kink (if u squint), squirting, fingering, creampie, aftercare.

note : this was just an excuse to write about how iwaizumi is better than any other boy <3 thank u to @toshisins for beta'ing this for me <3

+ summary : you're so tired of dumb college boys who hump and dump, with no stroke game, and can never even try to get you off. that is, until you meet 27 year old iwaizumi hajime.

When you first met Iwaizumi Hajime at the bar near your college campus, you noticed how good looking he was. Well, that was an understatement - he was tall, fit with tanned skin and a confident aura that made you weak in the knees.

You hadn't actually had the courage to approach him, however. Instead, you let some college boy buy you a cheap drink and take you home for some mediocre sex before kicking you out after not even 15 minutes of his reckless humping.

The second time you met him was at the same place. He was sitting at the bar, nursing a glass of whiskey that was almost empty. His back was to you and it gave you a wonderful view of his broad shoulders.

The mediocre lay from the last time you had been there attempted to chat you up again with false confidence, as if he had been the best fuck of your life. Naturally, you weren't having any of his bullshit - he tried to rub your clit like a scratch and sniff, forcing you to pry his hand away from it, there was no chance in hell you were giving him another second of your time. He definitely wasn't the type of guy who took rejection well, if not evident by the way he exploded and went off calling you a wide, colorful variety of names paired with numerous hurtful insults that had tears of humiliation filling your eyes.

“Hey now,” a smooth, deep voice had interrupted his very public spiel, “Don’t punish the girl for your own short comings, if she doesn't wanna fuck you again, don't you think that says more about your abilities as a man?”

The other man sputtered, muttering even more curses before storming out - probably not wanting to tussle with a guy who looked like he benched every second of his day.

There was something about Iwaizumi that just immediately had your heart skipping a beat over him. He was kind, a gentleman, and never seemed desperate or overbearing. He was confident and comfortable with himself and where he was in life.

You quickly learned that Iwaizumi was 27, almost 28 and worked as an athletic trainer so he traveled a lot.

For a while, your relationship seemed one sided with him. You'd text him and he’d reply but he rarely ever actually reached out to you. You tried flirting with him, asking him out for drinks, but it never seemed to pull him in.

It was frustrating. In basically no time at all, you had developed a stupid puppy dog crush on him. You felt like a middle school girl with a crush on a high school senior - like he was never going to give you the time of day. You were simply too young for him.

You eventually stopped trying with him, choosing to delete your message thread with him and continued on with your life.

You went through more college-boy hookups - all of them ending in disaster. Quite frankly, you were fed up with mediocre cock and being treated like shit when they were done with you. It wasn't a nice feeling, being kicked out after they didn't even bother trying to make you cum.

You couldn’t help but wonder what Iwaizumi would be like in bed. He was just so attractive, you knew he had gotten his dick wet more times than he could count. He definitely seemed the type who preferred relationships over hookups.

That's when it occurred to you.

You pulled out your phone and scoured your contacts. It had been a couple weeks since you spoke but you couldn't resist bugging him just one last time. You opened a new message thread with him and quickly typed the question that was now plaguing your mind.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

It was the question that had changed the course of your relationship with him.

When you asked, it was like everything fell into place. Perhaps it finally relayed to him the interest you had. All that really mattered was the fact he suddenly began talking to you, starting conversations and even venturing into phone calls with you.

You lost all interest in those college boys you once hung out with and went home with to get laid. None of them made you feel the way Iwaizumi could with a simple text message. He was everything a girl could ask for and you were shocked he was single.

Which was why you were quick to ask him on a date, not caring if it made you look desperate -- you practically were. You would be damned if he went off the market while you were busy beating around the bush.

Going on a date with Iwaizumi was like a dream. You were so used to dates at sleazy bars for a couple of drinks just so they could hurry up and take you home for a quick fuck.

Iwaizumi took the time to take you on several dates -- dinner, movies, walks around town to obscure shops he thought you might like, before it finally led to the bedroom.

You had never been nervous with sex but with Iwaizumi it was different. The routine was dumb college boys who usually fawned over your tits for a few minutes before their hard ons became the center of their brain function.

You found yourself completely bare on his bed as he stood at the foot, fully clothed. The way his eyes raked across your body like a lion eyeing its next, delicious meal had you curling in on yourself shyly.

His lips quirked up as your arms came across your breasts, shielding them from his predatory gaze, “Oh now, you know better than that, don’t you? What kind of good girl hides herself, hm? Acted so eager for my cock all this time, now you wanna be shy?”

You gasp, cheeks flushing hot as you register his words -- he’d known you wanted him that badly all this time?

He clicks his tongue, “You didn’t think you were subtle did you? Bet you would have done anything to get your paws on my dick when I got off work early the other day, hm? Showed up at your apartment...you were starin’ real hard at me, I’m right aren’t I?”

You think that to that day, lashes fluttering against your cheeks at the memory. He was wearing loose gray sweats and a muscle tank top that showed his biceps flexing with every movement he made. Your eyes had immediately been drawn, however more down to his crotch instead. Where you could clearly see the outline of his cock through the material.

You had stuffed your little fingers in your cunt for hours that night, thinking about how big he looked -- even soft, couldn’t imagine if he was hard.

“Ah, there you go again,” he muses, snapping you out of your haze, “Maybe if you ask real pretty for me, I’ll give you just what you want.”

“Please,” you immediately gasp, “Want you so much Hajime, i-it hurts. Can’t stop thinkin’ about you…”

“It hurts?” he huffs, finally reaching up to pull his shirt off, leaving you to ogle his pecs and defined abs, which flex as he works on removing his jeans, “Needy little cunt hurts ‘cause you don’t have a nice, fat cock stuffing it full? Such a dramatic little baby. I just know your phone is full of some little college boys’ numbers...why don’t you give them a call?”

You shake your head, “Don’t want them! I just know they’re not as good as you, Hajime, please...please make me cum, I'll do anything?”

“Aw, those idiot little boys don’t know how to make a pretty girl like you cum, is that it?” he asks, climbing onto the bed, making the mattress dip beneath you as he slots himself between your thighs.

“No,” you pout, letting him spread your legs, hands under your knees to open you up to his greedy gaze.

“So compliant with me, you just need a real man to get you off, huh?” he smiles when you nod, “Don’t worry, I’ll take real good care of you.”

Oh, you knew. Just from the way he moved his hips against yours, parting your folds so the head of his cock glided from your clenching little hole, dragging your slick up to your clit -- you just knew that he knew what he was doing.

As you looked between your legs, you felt yourself gush at the sight. His cock was so big, long and fat, drooling precum over your slick little slit, making a mess. He wrapped his fist around his length, making you whimper as his fingers couldn’t even wrap around the girth of him. He slapped his cock against your cunt, groaning at the strings of your slick that clung to him.

“Such a messy cunt,” he sighs, making sure to spank your clit with the head of his cock, laughing breathlessly when your thighs jumped in response to the sudden stimulation, “So fucking eager for me, aren’t you?”

“Uhuh,” you sigh, arching your hips, “Want you to fuck, please, Hajime, need it so bad.”

Much to your dismay, he shakes his head, “Can’t just put it in, pretty baby,” the pet name makes you whimper, “It’ll hurt too much, want you to feel good, yeah?”

“I can handle it,” you breathlessly reassure, canting his hips upward once more to drag your clit against that ridge on the crown of his cock, “Jus’ put it in…”

He doesn’t respond this time but still makes no move to put his cock inside. You’re distracted, however, by the way he now focuses on playing with your clit. Using his cock, he drags the underside across the hard little bud, slaps it once with the tip and before you know it your body is seizing up and you cum.

You let out a string of curses, falling limp against the bed as he works you through the quick high.

“See, that was so easy,” he chuckles, “Those stupid little boys you’ve been letting screw you have no idea what they’re doing, do they? Little cunts so sensitive, I barely even had to do anything to make you cum.”

You’re still trembling when you come down, licking your lips as you give him a dopey little smile and a nod at his cooing. He can’t resist leaning down, and pressing his lips against yours almost desperately. You wrap your arms around his neck, holding him in a deep kiss while his hand finds its way between your legs, two fingers sliding easily into your slick little cunt.

You moan into his mouth, “Hajime ah! ...please, make me cum again.”

“Fuck, you’re so desperate for me,” he hisses through his teeth, “Clenching around my fingers so tight. If I crook my fingers...right here...I bet you’ll just…”

As if on cue, his fingertips hook on your g-spot and you squeal, legs kicking out as you gush around his fingers. He bites his lip and continues to fuck his fingers against that spot, watching your eyes roll back, mouth falling open in a silent cry as you cum for the second time in mere minutes.

“Y-You’re so good, Hajime…” you praise softly, “Fuck, please, give me your cock now!”

He laughs and sits up properly again, pulling his fingers from your cunt. He examines them for a second, slick with your cum and streaks of cream covering the digits before he pops them into his mouth with a moan, savoring the taste of you.

“Alright, baby,” he sighs after pulling out his fingers with a pop!. He grips you beneath the knees again and scoots closer until his tip prods at your entrance. You shudder at the feeling, “Relax for me, pretty girl, let me in…”

Iwaizumi begins pushing in, letting out a soft groan as the head finally buries itself in your cunt. You squeal at the feeling, pulling your knees closer to your chest. The sound of you moaning and whimpering just from his head has him throbbing almost painfully against your tender cunt.

“Almost there…” he huffs, grinning at the sight of your eyes rolling back, “Ah, does that feel good?”

“Yes!” you cry out, “Biggest cock I’ve ever had…’s full…”

“Yeah, baby? It feels so good to finally get your cunt filled with a nice, big cock huh?” he laughs when you nod eagerly, “It’s alright, baby. You won’t have to deal with any mediocre college boys anymore, yeah? This cock’s all yours now…you hear that? All yours.”

Your hand flies down between your legs, finding your clit. He watches with lidded eyes as you circle the little bud and squeal, keeping his hips still to let you cum around his cock nice and hard like you need.

“That’s it, pretty girl,” he hums, “Get yourself off, you know what you need...atta girl…”

You sigh happily at his praise, licking your lips and relax against the bed once more. He takes that as his hint that you were ready, pulling his hips back before roughly slamming back inside your sensitive cunt. It knocks the air from your lungs and you cry out, unable to hold back your noises as he fucks you senseless.

He uses his strength to keep you pinned, forcing your knees against your chest, leaving your cunt open and vulnerable to his pistoning cock. Iwaizumi is so big that the stretch burns every time he sinks back into you, the tip touching your cervix with every calculated thrust, making your entire body ache with the deep pain of it.

But it all feels so good, you’d never been fucked like that before. He knew exactly where to aim his cock, keeping his eyes fixed on your face to watch your reactions, gaze flicking down to where his cock stuffs your cunt full to watch you coat him in your cream whenever he grazes that sweet little spot deep inside you -- a spot no other man had ever tried to find before.

“Feel good?” he questions, though he knew the answer even before you cry it out.

“Ah, yes! Yes, yes, yes!” you sob, “I-It feels so good, Hajime! Fuck, you’re so good at fucking me! You make me feel like a virgin all over again!”

He grins, “Yeah, I know I am, baby.”

His cocky, confident response would have been a turn off with any other man, but with him -- it only made you moan. He had every right to be cocky, he knew just how to use his cock and it was exhilarating.

“You gotta cum again for me, pretty,” he pants, “Cum again, one more time, let go.”

Your throat burns from how much you scream for him, the messy noises coming from him fucking your sloppy cunt should be embarrassing -- you’ve never made such a mess before. You’ve never been so wet, creaming and gushing all the way down his balls.

He didn’t seem to mind, instead he seemed to only be turned on by it.

“I want you to squirt, can you do that for me? Make a pretty mess for me.”

You shake your head, “D-Don’t know how...Can’t.”

“Yes you can, baby,” he purrs, “I can make you, you know that I will.”

You didn’t but, you couldn’t help but nod -- immediately believing him and trusting him. He shifts his knees just slightly, changing his center of balance before his palm curls over your pubic bone, thumb effortlessly finding itself pressed against your clit.

The change in angle lets him hit your g-spot even more brutal than before. You’re immediately arching and crying out for him, eyes rolling back into your head as you feel your orgasm slam into you faster than you’d ever experienced.

Instead of slowing you down, he works you through it, keeping the same, animalistic pace and keeps his thumb pressed against your clit, the rough pad of his thumb has you ogling. If anything, the calloused hands of Iwaizumi proves to you how much of a real man he is, those college boys have nothing on him.

“Give it to me, c’mon,” he urges, clenching his teeth together from the effort it takes to keep going to this hard and fast pace.

“H-Haji…” you cut yourself off as you feel yourself get thrown over the edge again. This time, something feels different and you can’t help but sob, “Please! I-I’m gonna-!”

“That’s it, fuck!” he moans, pace stuttering when you squirt -- your cum splashing against his abs as you shudder and squeal, “Good fuckin’ girl, my good girl. Shit, where do you want me to cum?”

“I-Inside! Fuck, please! I need your cum!” you immediately sob, nails biting in his biceps where you reach out to grip him -- trembling and crying from overstimulation as he works towards his own high.

“You sure? Shit,” you nod, breathless pleas falling from your lips as he finally stills, spilling his load deep inside with a long, drawn-out groan.

Everything is still for a moment and then he’s pulling out with a hiss. You whine at the feeling of your cunt gaping, yearning for his cock again, as his cum leaks out.

He hums, “Sorry about that, let me get you cleaned up.”

You sigh, and close your eyes, trying to relax and let your body settle its trembling. He comes back and quietly works on cleaning the mess between your thighs.

“Alright, up you go,” he sighs, taking your arm and helping you to your feet. You whine and wobble for a second, making him laugh, “You good?”

“Y-Yeah…” you stumble a bit and lean against his dresser, looking for your discarded clothes.

He has his back to you as he strips his sheets. Suddenly, you feel shut out -- like you shouldn’t be there anymore.

He brushes past you to his closet, pulling out some fresh sheets. You feel silly, standing there naked while he gets ready for bed. You bend down and grab your panties, clumsily putting them on before moving to pick up your dress, where it’s crumpled on the floor.

“What’re you doing?” he laughs, “That won’t be comfortable to sleep in.”

“Huh?” you tilt your head to the side and he pauses fluffing his pillows.

“What...you didn’t think I was kicking you out, did you?” he asks and scoffs at the face you make.

“Well I...usually I…” you shift on your feet nervously and he frowns, walking up to you.

He cups your cheeks and makes you look at him, “Jesus, who have you been fucking?” he laughs and gently nudges you towards the bed, “Lay down before you fall over.”

Fighting back a smile, you do as you’re told and sit on the bed, watching as he puts on a fresh pair of sweats, waiting for him to join you. When he does, he immediately pulls you into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Take a nap, and then we’ll take a shower.”

“It’s 11 at night, it wouldn’t be a nap,” you counter with a giggle.

“Well,” he sighs, “Take a shower in the morning then, and then we can go get breakfast, yeah?”

You smile and relax against him, “Sounds good.”

seita © 2020 | all content and its rights belong to me. do not modify or repost

[hotvampireadjacent]

The black phone is truly the best horror movie I’ve ever seen. I can safely give this a 5/5. I live for horror movies. I watch as many interesting looking horror movies as I can. The review has minor spoilers, nothing more than was shown in the trailers.

Read more below. An incomplete trigger warning at the end of the review (the most potentially triggering things I recalled)

What makes a good horror movie? Is it realistic horror? The fact you can put yourself into the protagonists shoes? That’s where you’re wrong. There’s one level scarier- something that will run a chill down the spine of any human with a hint of emotions. What if something horrible happened to one of the most vulnerable among us, children?

I watched this movie on a whim, because I saw hideo kojima tweeting about it. It had good reviews on rotten tomatoes so, what the hell? Why not give it a try.

I went in expecting to be bored. The plot sounded basic. A boy is kidnapped and there’s a disconnected telephone in the basement that can communicate with the previous dead, child, victims. Sounds like a very bland, boring, paranormal movie. Yawn.

I am reminded of what someone once told me, it doesn’t matter how boring a plot or summary means, as long as you can write it well, and oh boy, was this movie well written and directed.

I consider myself a stone hearted person. I like horror movies because they take me into a terrifying world and let me forget about my normal, mundane, worries. The worry ‘will I get into a top school and a job that pays enough to sustain a quality of life and move out and-‘ you get the point. Horror movies take me into an emotions where I can worry about something, hopefully, that is impossible and/ or will never happen to me. A terrifying ,macabre, world that makes my heart race wild with unrealistic fears that close out my more realistic ones and I dive deeper into a horror work.

But once again, as a human being, there are a few things that can move my heart. I think, all of us, fundamentally care about the well-being of children. I went in, once again expecting a flop, but quickly found myself drawn into the story. The characters, minus the very minor ones, all feel life like and developed. You have enough time to learn enough to get attached and get to know them.

There are so many twists and turns twists and turns. Just when you think you figured a plot angle out, it twists again into something terrifying. Once the ball gets rolling it does not stop until the credits roll.

I have never, as an adult, been so invested in a horror movie. I watched this with my father in theaters, and he remarked that I was acting like my mother who can’t handle horror movies. Closing my eyes for a brief moment, and praying that everything works out. My heat was racing like it never has since I was a child, watching the ring for the first time, worrying if Sadako would kill me tonight. (Yes I watched the ring as a kid….. I grew up watching horror movies for better or for worst)

As an adult this was a different type of fear than that of bogeymen, or bogeywomen (?), it was the fear, as a viewer, as an adult, as a human being, for the safety of a child in danger. I was rooting for the main character with all of my heart. I followed the movie and prayed in my heart that he escaped safely.

It was a great movie. Go see it if you can handle horror. It’s rare for me to cry during a movie and I teared up. this movie doesn’t just kick low over and over and over again there’s low points, but some high points too where you feel good for the main character and proud of his accomplishments.

Look up trigger warnings before watching it if you have triggers. I won’t list all of them but a few that I feel the need to mention.

Trigger warning: graphic and violent child abuse (not by the villain, by a parent), 1 racist slur against Mexicans used, one or two homophobic slurs dropped, intense school bullying, a kid beats the shit out of another kid in the beginning, alcoholic parent, there’s one scene with drug use specifically cocaine, child kidnapping, while sexual assault doesn’t happen I thought the villain was implying he was going to assault the child character, child death

That’s all I remember atm. Obviously violent murder.

[poge-life]

I need help~ Rafe Cameron

So, all my other Rafe fics have been AUs where Rafe isn’t a killer or psychotic but this fic does go along with the story line during season 2. It takes place after the Cameron’s watch the video from Ward! It does talk about what happened OBX2, so if you haven’t watched it yet, please do not read below the cut!

It had been an interesting summer in the OBX. Sarah had broken up with Topper and gotten together with John B, Rafe’s drug problem had gotten out of hand, and John B had taken his friends out on a hunt for gold. The same gold that had gotten his father killed.

After watching from the sidelines as Rafe did horrible things, you couldn’t take it. So you broke up with him. It was a messy, horrible break up. You had told him that you couldn’t watch him throw his life away to drugs and aggression.

He had beaten the shit out of Pope Heyward with a golf club and then got his ass kicked by Pope, the same night Sarah and John B were lost in the storm.

You had been with Rafe since Junior Year of high school and he was a completely different person. In high school, Rafe was on top of his grades, he played basketball and golf, and didn’t do drugs any chance he got.

But, as soon as you two got to college, things changed. He partied more, stopped showing up to classes. And that’s where the drugs came in. At first, it didn’t bother you because it was only at parties. But then, it was every time he was stressed. And then it was everyday.

Things mellowed out for a little bit at the start of the summer. Until Ward started comparing him to Sarah.

It was hard. Breaking up with him. Rafe was the first guy you ever loved. He was your first...everything. But you couldn’t sit by and watch him throw everything away.

You avoided him at all costs. You even moved to waiting tables at the country club rather than being a bev cart girl. But that didn’t stop Topper and Kelce from trying to talk you into getting back with Rafe.

It got a lot harder to avoid him as school started back up. Your hours got split between being a bev girl, a waitress, and being a barback. And the bar is where Rafe spent most of his freetime nowadays.

You had decided not to go back to school this semester, not in the right mind with everything that happened this summer. But part of you knew that you wanted to be here for Rafe if something happened.

And something did happen. Sarah and John B were alive. And Rafe went to jail for killing the Sheriff. You drank so much that night, you passed out on the couch. When you woke up, you learned Ward was killed out on the Druthers. The boat had been blown up with him on it.

You woke up with a groan. Rolling over to look at your clock; it read 3:13 am. You groaned as the doorbell rang once again. Which is what woke you up in the first place.

You threw off the blanket before begrudgingly getting out of bed, slipping on your slippers before making your way downstairs. You had never been more grateful that the fact your parents were in Chapel Hill for the week.

Unlocking the door, you were taken back by the sight of Rafe on your doorstep, “Hi.”

“Hi.” He let out, taking in your appearance. You had on one of his shirts with a pair of biker shorts and your hair had fallen out of the ponytail.

“Are you okay?” You asked, opening the door, motioning for him to come in. He brushed past you, making his way over to the living room.

Locking the door, you followed after him, “What’s going on, Rafe?”

“I, uh... my dad. He left us a video,” Rafe started, “he confessed to killing John B’s dad and Sheriff Peterkin. He said he stole the gold from John B. And that he was sorry for all the pain he caused.”

You let out a breath as you sat next to him on the couch, “Jesus Christ, Rafe.”

“I’m not okay, (Y/N), “Rafe stated, “I haven’t been okay for a while.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I get all these thoughts...telling me to do things I shouldn’t. I think that’s where the aggression comes from. I don’t want to be like this. I need help, (Y/N).”

Your eyes took over his figure; his eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess, he kept clenching and unclenching his fists. He clearly hadn’t been sleeping very well. And you didn’t blame him, “I’ve known you for a while, Rafe. And if you think you need help, I’ll help you.”

“I told my dad,” he laughed, looking over at you, “I told him I knew something was wrong and he told me I was fine. That I needed to man up.”

“That’s because your dad didn’t want anything tarnishing his name,” You explained, “you haven’t been the same since your mom. And your dad knew that . But he’d rather have you suffer than get you help. But I promise you, I’ll help you.”

It was quiet between the two of you for a moment before Rafe spoke up, “I’m sorry. For being this person you couldn’t love any more.”

You were sure you gave yourself whiplash from how quick you turned your head to look at him, “What? That’s not true.”

“I just couldn’t see the person I love turn into this person I couldn’t recognize.”

“I haven’t used in a month,” Rafe told you, “I couldn’t take it. The drugs helped at first. They shut out the voices in my head. But after a while, they made them louder and I couldn’t shut them out anymore.”

“So, I finally listened to those voices,” he continued, “But look what happened. Everything is falling apart; my dad is dead, my sister hates me, and I lost the girl.”

You shushed him, grabbing onto his hand, “You didn’t lose me. I’ve always been here. I would have Wheeze keep me updated on you. You were the first guy I’ve ever loved, Rafe. Those feelings just don’t go away.”

Rafe’s eyes raked over your face, scooting closer to you, intertwining your fingers together, “Rose and I are going to the Bahama’s in a couple of days. And I want you to come with us.”

You nodded your head, giving his hand a squeeze, “I’m with you wherever you go.”

[scarlettriot]

Stood Up

Pairing: Sero/F!Reader

Summary: When you find your dating making out with someone else at a Halloween party, Hanta swoops in and reclaims your evening, rekindling an old flame.

Contains: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Demisexual Reader, Astronomy/Greek Lore Nerd Sero, Old flame

Warnings: 18+ Below the cut, Minors DNI! Swearing, Demi Problems, Praise/Smidge of Degradation, Name-calling (slut & whore), Pet names (Love, good girl, pretty girl), Car Sex, F Masturbation, Oral M Receiving (Road Head) I think that's everything

A/N: This took me much longer than I expected. It's also my first time writing Sero. Given the season, I decided to add a touch of Halloween and costumes to this one.

If you'd like to read other's in the Stood Up series, here are the links:

Stood Up - Bakugo - WC 3,502

Stood Up - Kirishima - WC 3,612

Stood Up - Kaminari - WC 2,461

Word Count Starting Below: 3,494

Denki Kaminari's annual Halloween bash was in full swing by the time Hanta had arrived. He'd come straight from patrol, wrapping himself up in his own tape making a half assed mummy costume for himself. Not like anyone would notice with the flashing colored lights, loud music, and abundance of liquor.

However, Hanta didn't even make it up to the double glass front doors of Denki's home. Not before doing a double take at the very familiar pirate that ran by him.

"Y/N?" You stopped allowing him the chance to catch up to you, "Holy shit, it is you, when the hell did you get back?"

Three years you'd been gone, working in America. Time differences and busy schedules made it so the two of you barely kept in touch. It was a shame, Hanta thought, considering how close the two of you used to be.

"I- uh- just a few weeks now. I heard you were helping out with the disaster relief after that storm."

It had to be his eyes playing tricks on him, the funny colors of the dancing lights were what made your cheeks look wet, right? Those couldn't have been tears.

"I was, yeah, but I got back yesterday. I didn't know-"

"Get the hell outta here!" His head snapped back towards the front of the house, just in time to see Eijiro, dressed in an impressive werewolf costume, literally throw someone out of the party. The guy drunkenly stumbled off, Eijiro walking over towards where Hanta was standing with you. "Y/N, you good?"

You nodded while Hanta tried to piece together what'd happened. "Sorry, it took me a second to find the bastard. Do ya wanna come back in? I'll make sure he leaves."

"No, Eijiro, thanks though. I'm just gonna head home."

The wolfman frowned but understood. "We'll have a smaller party for ya! Just the gang as a welcome home! You know Denki will look for any excuse to throw a party." He turned his gaze on Hanta. "A mummy, really?"

"You've been a damn werewolf for the last two years! You don't get to give me crap."

Eijiro poked the fuzzy pointed red ears carefully set into his spiky hair. "Mina and I worked real hard on this costume... seemed like a waste to only wear it once."

"We both know you haven't just worn those once, big man."

That got a chuckle out of you while all Eijiro could do was shrug and try to hide a shit-eating grin.

He asked you again if you'd like to stay and once more you said you were going to just head home. It was when you specifically said you were going to be walking home that Hanta spoke up offering to drive you back to your home since it was Halloween and people were creeps.

You were a damn pro hero but he still didn't feel right about just letting you walk home alone.

When you agreed he told Eijiro he'd be back soon and walked over with you to his car.

>>><<<

A part of you missed the old station wagon Hanta used to drive, not that this BMW he now drove wasn't absolutely amazing, you just sort of missed the comfort of the old car.

He waited until he'd reached the end of Denki's long, winding driveway to finally speak. "So, you wanna tell me what happened back there, or am I just supposed to pretend like Kiri didn't kick someone out on your behalf?"

"You could probably just ask Kiri and he'd tell you."

"I could, but, I'd like to hear it from you."

You knew you could tell him, there was nothing you couldn't tell Hanta. There was once a time when the man knew every single detail about your life. Sure, time and distance had put a strain on that relationship but you were back now. There was no reason why you couldn't at least start rebuilding what you and Hanta once had.

"Y/N, if you don't wanna say anything-"

"I was just casually seeing this guy. You know me and dating, how we don't always work out." You said abruptly and he quit talking, "And so, we weren't like official but we said we'd go to this party together. Well, I got here and went looking for him and found him making out with one of Hawks' sidekicks. I got a little upset when he noticed me and, well, he just said he found someone better."

Hanta actually stopped the car, pulled off to the side of the road, threw it in park, and looked right at you because he knew what found someone better meant exactly. You'd used those words in high school when that guy from Shiketsu that you'd been seeing got pissed off that you wouldn't put out and ended it with you. You went to his dorm crying because he 'found someone better', is what you told him. It took him a few hours to get the truth out of you.

You'd always been the kind of person to love with your entire heart but sexually, you'd confessed that you felt different from all the other kids your age back then. Not having the same urges and desires that everyone else seemed stricken with.

"Hanta, it's fine, really. Kiri heard the whole thing and, well, you saw what happened."

"Doesn't make it right! So, you went on a couple dates with a guy, that doesn't mean he just gets to expect you to put out for him! Even if you weren't demi, no one gets to just assume they deserve sex."

His lips were pressed in a narrow line, nostrils flared once in annoyance. He was usually so calm and laid back that you thought it rather cute when he got overprotective. "It's alright, Hants, really."

He still gave you a look that said he disagreed but then shook his head, dropping the subject for now at least.

"Still like those late-night drives?"

"I love them."

"Good."

Hanta waited for a car to pass and whipped the car in the other direction.

It wasn't long before he had the windows rolled down, conversations filling in the blanks of lost time, in between belting out choruses of your favorite songs. Minutes slipped by the further he drove, you lost track of both time and kilometers, letting him tell you all about the ridiculous antics the group had been up to.

Eventually, you caught the scent of salty air and even in the dark, you had a pretty good idea where Hanta was going. He followed a winding road, making two left turns and then a right leaving you on a stretch of road that paralleled the ocean.

You let your head fall against the seat, eyes falling shut and inhaling that wonderful smell you missed so much. Hanta had just one hand lazily on the wheel, his elbow resting out the open window, a relaxed smile was illuminated in soft orange lights off his dash.

You let your head roll onto his shoulder, not as easily done without the bench seat in his station wagon but it worked nonetheless. "Thanks."

His free hand came to rest on your knee, "Anytime."

He turned the wheel, pulling over and parking in front of a small beach access that you guys had found at 3 in the morning five years prior. Hanta kicked off his shoes, leaving them in the car to avoid them being sand-filled and you did the same with the knee-high boots purely because you longed to feel the sand between your toes.

The wooden planks were worn, parts buried beneath the sand until eventually, none remained. Breaking waves flooded your ears and you made a run for them! Before you could reach the lapping water though, tape had wound around your middle and yanked you backward.

"Not happening!" Hanta said firmly. "Last time I let you talk me into late-night swimming we didn't have a change of clothes either and we both got so sick! I think I might have actually died without Bakugo's soup!"

You chuckled, remembering being nineteen and curled up with Hanta on the sofa in the living room of the apartment you all shared for nearly a week. The sniffles didn't cease for almost three weeks.

"Okay, okay, no swimming." You flopped back down into the sand, his tape still attached meaning the cellophane hero was pulled down with you. "Tell me about the stars then, Hants. Who's out tonight?"

Astronomy was a hobby of Hanta's you learned about after moving into the dorms your first year. It wasn't uncommon to find him out on the roof most nights, laying on his back and looking up into the clear night sky littered with twinkling stars, usually with a joint pressed between his lips. It became almost a habit for him to grab you on his way up, pulling you along because you were more than happy listening to him tell you about each constellation and the stories behind them.

It was around this time of year, in your final year of high school; somewhere between him recalling the greek mythos of Aries and Sagittarius that you noticed your heart beating a little faster. You realized something had shifted between the two of you, and, holy shit, was this what it felt like to have a crush! When the hell did that happen?

You'd entrusted everything to Hanta back then, and now, laying in the sand shoulder to shoulder while he talked about Draco, that familiar feeling stirred again. You remembered what it was supposed to be like when you weren't forcing it for some random guy. How simple it was supposed to be.

You inclined on an elbow and he stopped mid-sentence. "Eh, everything alright?" You nodded but he looked anything but convinced, mirroring your position and asking you again.

It was easy for you to lean forward, to brush your lips against his for the first time in three years. And, when you pulled away, he looked about as shocked as he had the night you'd done it when you were eighteen.

"You- you still like me?"

When you left for America, you'd both agreed to put a pause on your sort of relationship. Free to date and screw whomever you pleased because three years was a long time and it just seemed like a fair decision to make. The realization that he might now have someone else special in his life dawned on you...

"Yeah but I totally understand if things are different now and I shoulda asked- oof!"

He kissed you so hard you toppled back into the sand, quick pecks, one right after another, ending them with a long one that nearly left you breathless.

"I didn't know how to bring it up. I didn't want to make you feel awkward about things or make you think I expected something. I thought that maybe since we didn't talk for a while your feelings might have changed."

"I can say with confidence they haven't."

"Thank fuck." He groaned and captured your lips in another searing kiss.

It was easy to lift his shirt off, the shreds of tape that remained were now covered with gritty sand that clung to your fingers as you traced the chest and torso you knew so well. Gliding over defined muscles, lingering on old scars and mapping out new ones he'd collected in your time apart.

His own hands were busy flicking open the brass fastenings of your corset, huffing about it being so much more difficult to get to your chest and something about it being very unfair.

By the time he'd undone the last one, bright headlights shown across the beach. "Shit."

Giggling ensued from the walkway and you both sighed, at least it wasn't the police or a hero patrol. Hanta gathered his shirt and ran back to his car with his hand in yours.

"I thought our days of being caught were over."

"At least it wasn't Mr. Aizawa this time."

A chill ran down your spine remembering the night and the lecture you'd received when your teacher had caught Hanta sneaking out of your room early one morning.

"So, uh, do you still plan on going to Denki's party?" You asked innocently enough but Hanta knew you far too well.

"I think I'm gonna miss it this year." His hand found a home on your upper thigh. "Apparently, you and I have a lot of catching up to do. Lost time to make up for and all that."

"Too bad you don't have that old station wagon anymore. If you did, we wouldn't have to wait to get back."

Dark eyes glanced over at you not so subtly parting your legs.

"I dunno. It's not too often I travel in the backseat of my own car but I've been told it's pretty roomy. Lots of legroom."

Your hand ran over your legs, dipping down to lightly brush your more sensitive parts, thankful you opted for the thin pair of black leggings rather than the dark skinny jeans. Your fingers danced again and this time you let a soft moan pass your lips. "Eyes on the road, Hants."

"That's a little hard to do when I've got you spread out in the passenger's seat." He grabbed your free hand and pressed it against the bulge in his pants. "You've got me distracted, filthy little woman."

You appreciated him testing the waters, a subtle way of checking if you liked those nicknames he used only in private with you, giving you a chance to protest if your likes had changed. They were one's that only felt right coming from him and you were eager to hear more.

Forgoing your own high, you leaned over the center console as best you could, undoing his belt first, followed quickly by his zipper letting his strained cock be free.

His grip tightened on your leg when you kissed the tip of him. "Just like old times, huh?"

A chuckle turned quickly into a moan, taking him in your mouth, pushing yourself further on his cock, fighting your gag reflex to get him down your throat. Hanta reclined his seat further, giving you more room to work with.

Your legs clenched tighter with every groan you pulled from him, wiggling your hips in the seat, letting a hand fall back between your own legs. There was an attempt of a moan around his cock when his fingers coiled in your hair. "Such a good slut. Keep fuckin' goin'." He let you continue at your own speed, needing to focus as best he could on the road rather than what you were doing but, damn, you were making that increasingly difficult.

He wasn't stopping you though. He rarely did. You'd sucked him off on countless drives before and only stopped when- "That's it." He lifted you off him by your hair at the same time he pulled off the road. There was a convenient turn-off, hidden by overgrown brush you noticed before he shut off the headlights.

Hanta took you by the chin, smearing drool. "Backseat, pretty girl." He reached into the glove box and pulled out a foil wrapper, "What do you say we test out that legroom?"

He wait to watch your smile grow wide before crawling into the back because he had to be the first to go if this had any chance of working. Once situated, pants under his thighs, he patted his lap for you to climb over.

You slid easily onto his lap, hands traveling up and over his shoulders, kissing hard while you rocked your hips against impossibly hard length.

There was so much comfort in the familiarity of him. It wasn't awkward to fall back into rhythm with Hanta, to remember that he loved the feeling of your nails dragging down his chest. And he was just as eager to get your shirt off, reach your breasts he'd missed so much, and get his tongue on your nipples.

Your head tipped backward, loving the pace he set, hips bouncing creating the perfect tug on your nipples between his teeth.

"Love, if I promise to buy you a new pair, can I rip these damn leggings? They're just so thin and-"

"Please." Your breathy moan had him smirking and with a single grunt the leggings were ruined, cool air from the vents had only a moment to touch your bare ass before Hanta's hands reclaimed it.

There was no way he hadn't felt your arousal before ripping your clothes off, you soaked through your panties and leggings, you knew that, but that didn't stop him from commenting on how soaked you were now on his fingers. "Want me inside you, whore? I think you do."

You nodded with a whimper and he slipped a finger in. "Hants, noo- I- I want your cock, please."

"You're gonna take my fingers like a good little slut first." You clenched at the words falling from his mouth. "So fuckin' tight you can barely take a finger. How'm I supposed to fit in here if you can even take a single finger? Need you to loosen up, alright." He pushed another finger in, scissoring the two inside you.

"This gonna make you cum? You need this bad, don't you? Tell me. Tell me how bad you need to cum."

"I want it. Please, please, I need it. I'm so close," You babbled and ripped the foil open with his teeth, rolling it with one hand on his cock. In an instant, his fingers had been replaced with this dick. Sticky fingers on your ass helping you ease down on him with a hiss.

"Fuck," Hanta let out a throaty chuckle, "You still fuckin' feel the absolute best." He dropped a kiss between your breasts, letting you adjust to his girth. "Perfect. Good girl. Such a fuckin' good little slut."

He wasn't about to last long. Not once you started bouncing up and down on him, your tits right in front of his face.

"Couldn't even wait for me to get you home, had to fucking tease me in the damn car." He held onto the fat of your ass, pulling you along him and slamming you down hard.

"Kinda pathetic how desperate you are. Fuck. Kinda hot too."

When the top of your head bumped the roof of the car, he scooted lower, trying to give you as much room to ride him however you pleased.

"What do you need? You wanna cum, don't you, pretty girl, what do you need?"

"Faster, faster please."

Hanta shifted even lower, making you grab onto the two headrests while he thrust his hips up into you at a rapid speed. His thumb on your clit was the additional stimulation you needed to fall over the edge. Nails clawing at the black leather as he continued to moan below you now chasing his own release.

You stayed poised above him, using every last bit of strength to stay upright until his mouth was rambling and his cock pulsed inside of you. Fingers bruising your skin before holding your pelvis snuggly against his.

He was bent in a way that looked entirely uncomfortable and yet he still smiled so widely. Reaching up to brush hair out of your eyes, "You okay?"

"Perfects, Hants. A little sore but I'm sure you are too." He moved off his lap, letting him slip out of you with a groan, "Is your neck gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine. Having you back, love, is more than worth a little bit of a neck cramp."

As he tied a knot in the condom, depositing it into a plastic bag he had tucked away under his seat, Hanta raised a brow, "Love, really, are you alright? Please, tell me if I hurt you at all."

"No! I'm good, why?"

"You're sitting silly."

You were sitting a little odd, perched on your knees rather than sitting on your ass because the leather was chilly and you told Hanta as much making him laugh. "Wait, I think I can help." He leaned back to the front of the car, flicking a button making it glow. Once he tucked himself back in his pants he hopped out of the car and you could see him rummaging in his trunk through the rear window.

"I keep forgetting to take this out from our camping trip a couple months ago. Guess it turned out to be a good thing." He laid the blanket down over the passenger's seat, declaring that should help a bit.

You wrapped the now toasty warm blanket around your bottom half while Hanta drove back towards the city, your head on his shoulder, his hand on your thigh.

"So, shopping tomorrow? I believe I owe you a pair of leggings..."

"It's a date."