#Makes me think more about Billy and how his personal traumas affect him even as the Champion of Magic

[cerealboxlore]

something i need more of is protective captain marvel

specifically fiercely protective of people he personally cares about (mostly leaning towards family hear but also friends) captain

like of course with a heroes heart (whatever that means) caps gonna be naturally protective

but billy probably also has some separation anxiety from his parents death and, if it’s a twin sister mary version, being separated from her

possibly add onto that memories from past champions of their loved ones dying? no way he wouldn’t be protective

so what i want to see is a marvel, who has been working with the league for a while, having them meet the shazamily for whatever reason and just just being fiercely protective

i want his mindset to revert(?) to billy to a certain degree making him act a little bit (a lot) feral to protect them from the smallest of things and to glare a glare harsher than batmans at the league while trying to physically distant them

if the flash or someone flirts with one of them (obviously not knowing they’re underage and if its the flash him not being married/in a relationship) and for marvel to just punch him in the face immediately without thought

I think we could all benefit from more protective Captain Marvel, if I speak for everyone.

Billy having separation anxiety isn't something I considered before, but now that you bring it up, it makes complete sense! It fits into his character so well with having been abandoned so many times in his life, he'd depend on the few stable and promising relationships in his life for safety and comfort, even when in his champion form. He'd want to protect them at all costs, no matter what. Because underneath that magical form of a champion is a small child scared of the world who wants them to be continuously alone. A child who is used to having nothing will protect the the things they hold dear as they grow older, no matter what. Adding on that, with the reoccurring memories and dreams from the past lives of the former champions of magic who have already experienced death, mourning, and worse fates, Billy Batson wouldn't come out of it without needing some therapy.

Tawny as a therapy cat is much needed.

Billy has such a pure heart, a sweet boy, I can definitely seeing him accidentally become overly protective of his found family when introducing them to other people and fellow superheroes.

The idea of another superhero flirting with one of them isn't an impossibility, just a little awkward to approach. If anyone ever does, I'm pretty sure the whole shazamily would reject that person as a team, hahaha

Maybe Flash would give Mary a compliment considering the similar costumes, but I think Guy Gardner trying to make a pass at one of them and immediately getting decked across the city sky by Billy would be incredible. Feral nature is approved in that moment. Unleash the Billy!

[findafight]

ty for pointing out that steve graduated on time despite a severe concussion and likely limited or non-existent support (esp considering how his dad reacted to the college thing). it's also worth noting that steve had no issues passing his classes throughout high school while playing and captaining at least 2 sports (3 if you count baseball [on top of other clubs and extracurriculars] from that yearbook thing they released post s1 i think). that's not easy to do. it also irritates me sm when they harp on steve confusing the names of things as proof that he's incredibly dumb or illiterate. esp the gumby thing when it's a fucking children's cartoon. even the german vs nazi thing makes sense in the context of him having a grandfather that fought in ww2, told him stories, and probably called the nazis germans. also v hypocritical when it's not commonly pointed out that the soviets are near exclusively called the russians. yet they always conveniently forget that steve is the only reason they figured out the russian code was coming from the mall (and, going by dialogue in the scene, was specifically the person that put together that the message was coming from the mall on top of recognizing the music and being the only person to pay attention to it - i always see the realization that the message is from hawkins misattributed to dustin) and the only reason they got out of the elevator in the same season where's he supposedly illiterate and incredibly stupid bc he confused the names of things. i stg ppl that do this so they can hype eddie up make eddie feel like my enemy.

Do I think Steve was getting A's? No. Do I think for the back half of his senior year he was working his ass off to scratch C's? Yes. VERY frustrating and honestly kind of hurtful when people keep calling him stupid about it! I interpret a lot of Steve's spacier moments to post concussive syndrome, and it's actually so impressive he's doing as well as he is especially in S3, just over seven months since billy, and is finished hs. Buddy bounced back! People love giving Steve migraines as a lasting symptom of his head trauma but don't acknowledge that focus and what I call "thinking speed" are also affected. Like yeah it'll take him a minute to process what is happening and formulate a response/plan, his brain was goop a few months ago! And S4 happens less than six months after S3 so like yeah. Clearly he's not at 100% we should all be so proud of him.

S1 sort of indicates he cruises through school when helping Nancy study. He's not a model student, and while one could argue teachers were more lenient because he was on sports teams and they wanted to win, that wouldn't have applied after billy beat him because he'd have had to take a leave from the teams, and it's the eighties so some teachers would potentially have thought "serves him right for fighting".

Steve is consistently making connections to things that others aren't! With the "realizing Russians in the mall" thing he is definitely leading Dustin to the conclusion. He goes "Indiana flyer? No way" or something to indicate that it's unlikely the message was from elsewhere, and he has already realized that the transmission is from Starcourt, and wants Dustin and Robin to as well. Just because Dustin said it doesn't mean he figured it out.

(I find people also attribute a lot of what Robin does and figures out to Nancy? Robin gets the newspaper that talks about Victor Creel being possessed by demons, Robin gets them into the hospital, Robin makes the connection to music as key to saving a victim. Stobin contributions so underappreciated smh)

Steve's quick on his feet and makes sure they're able to get out of the elevator with an Indiana Jones move! Without getting caught! I once saw someone saying it's Steve's fault they were trapped at all because he was older and should have put a stop to it, but. Did they think Dustin would drop it? And not explore by himself?? Also Steve's 18. Notorious dumbass decision age. (They also don't know the Soviets are in the mall, and then don't know it's an elevator) yeah it's a bad call, but where is this attitude for Nancy and Jon trying to expose the lab in s2 that absolutely would have known who snuck in and recorded Owens (why weren't they searched?) And then disappeared them. Like if you want to do that with Steve do it with everyone who has made a decision that potentially put people in danger. Hell, Hopper's the reason the lab agents go to the school in S1! He sells El out!

The German/Nazi thing is weird like. Everybody knew who he meant. What OTHER Germans would be a connection there. Yeah it's not "correct" but also. It's not wrong either. Especially when you're right! Russian/Soviet is used pretty interchangeably in the series I think even though many other countries were considered Soviets. Gumby/gumbo is such...a dumb thing to use as proof Steve is illiterate or whatever. Only one is a real word, and it's not Gumby!! Mixing up and confusing words is a normal thing, and these are one letter off and sound similar. Shit happens.

Him connecting Henry Creel to being a clockmaker? Logical conclusion to make given the emphasis the clock had gotten. He's also the one to find the pet siders and it doesn't mean anything even those were Henry's schtick. Literally they included that to make Steve look stupid for making a connection and then getting scared by spiders in his hair and I was just sitting there nodding along like wow same king you're so smart.

Idk I don't like comparing him and Eddie this way because it's not a competition? Frustrating when people try to make it seem that way. You don't need to drag Steve to make Eddie look good? Eddie wants to graduate, and I think it's probably a combo of him skipping and also not being good at/liking formal schooling and possibly some teacher bigotry that prevents him from getting a bit of slack that keeps him in hs. Eddie's good at what he likes and cares about (he's a brilliant guitar player!) And likely doesn't focus on things that don't interest him. That's fine!! But just because he's a rabble rouser and a weird guy and poor, doesn't mean teachers, for three rounds of grade twelve, held him back for no reason.

Idk it's like. Teachers can have biases and that can influence their teaching and interactions and expectations of students, but for it to happen twice to the point that Eddie didn't pass, seems very unlikely, because most teachers do want their students, even the ones that annoy them and they don't like, to graduate. It's sort of insulting to insinuate they would get away with it for three years without any other teacher complaining? Or calling them out? There are bad teachers out there but there are so many good ones too. Saying that the only reason he didn't is because of everyone but him and then turning around calling Steve stupid when he did a near impossible task? Seems weird. Don't agree. Bad take. Acknowledge people have different intelligences and can be better/worse at formal schooling than others and move on.

[andthetapeworms]

Thoughts about Rolfe DeWolfe tonight

We often praise how real and authentic the dialogue between the characters feels yet i don't often see people talk about.. how real the characters themselves feel. Like making them "bad" people or giving them "bad" people traits, not because they're mean or evil or you're supposed to dislike them, just because these are just normal people who.. happen to just have those traits. And that's that.

As somebody with narcissistic personality disorder I've always felt like Rolfe was a near perfect depiction of narcissism- both with how his traits are written and how his character is handled overall. He has an inflated sense of self worth and a distorted self image, he thinks he's more important than he actually is, he thinks he's more adored (assuming he got a lot of fan letters), he seems to have low amounts of empathy (how he speaks to fatz and earl), thinks he's above everyone else (saying that he doesn't need earl anymore because he's become untouchable in his own eyes). If you've watched Tuv's "investigating abandoned animatronics" video, even the showtape in that video shows Billy Bob suggesting that Rolfe has an inflated sense of importance and what he's good at, and Rolfe gets extremely offended and genuinely upset.

Obviously this won't be accurate to everyone with NPD's traits, but personally they're very accurate to mine. If i had to pick a character to describe my experience with npd I'd pick Rolfe. He's like a mirror of me, I feel- he's the embodiment of all the traits i struggle with. Infact being kin with him has helped me cope with my npd- watching the show tapes is an excellent way to sort of reality check myself because they show that his narcissism annoys and inconveniences others and causes resentment, yet it does so in a respectful and gentle way.

It's not in a "hey look at this guy he's a fucking asshole and nobody likes him" way, it's a "this guy has problems that he should work on because it's bothering his loved ones.". That is, to me, in my opinion affected by my experience with this disorder, the best way to possibly depict both NPD and it's consequences.

While being a great depiction of the consequences he's also just, a cute and fun depiction of narcissism traits in general. He has a loveable personality and he's fun to watch. I adore all of the characters in the band, they all have a very unique and charming appeal to their personalities- and Rolfe's is just how fun he is to watch. His dialogue, especially with Earl, is very cute and fun.

He's narcissistic and not apologetic, it's just treated as another trait he has. It's not "he's a narcissist and his entire character is shaped around being a narcissist and therefore being a bad person" it's "he has narcissistic traits and issues but is not a bad person." He's not depicted as abusive or evil, just slightly annoying, yet he's still loved. Earl pokes fun at and insults him a lot but he got nervous when Rolfe started talking about leaving him, asking to make sure Rolfe was just joking and very happily going "Alright!" when Rolfe confirms he was. They have a playful relationship and you can tell they enjoy eachother even with Rolfe's narcissism, which combats the straight up lie that is "narcissists can't form meaningful relationships".

That just genuinely means so much to me, you know? Having a disorder caused by trauma and your own abuse that's constantly labeled as evil and abusive and then finding a character who's like you but not at all how people describe you is. It's nice. It feels nice. I'm sharing this post because i hope maybe anyone whos also a narcissist might also like to enjoy the silly wolf? Or maybe just a rolfe fan would like to hear my analysis and take-away on him :)

[skyland2703]

Javi x Amelia for ships 👀

What is this a joke 😭 I just know this essay is gonna get out of hand asdfghjkasdfghfds

OKAY SO I’m gonna try keeping other ships out of this, so it’s only just taking about Javelia

If you know me, you know I’m OBSESSED with this ship. This one ship that just takes my world by storm because of how badly I got obsessed with it. I don’t even know how it happened.

So you see, we see Amelia and Javi meet for the first time at Buzzblast. That is where the story begins. The “nice harmonica, catchy tune” line— and BOOM! Instant attraction. I believe Amelia saw him as a friend, initially, but she really did care for him— “best friend” even, maybe. But nothing more than that.

Javi, on the other hand, got OBSESSED. Not the bad kind, but the “I think I have a crush on you.” Obsessed. We see him teasing her, we see him showing up in places with her, we see them AS COWORKERS— they’re literally Co-workers OH MY GAWD— and we see them as rangers and as friends.

Javi supports her in her ghost hunting, he never pulls her down. She and Javi have a “we’re both made fun of because of what we like to do” kinda bond, Javi with his music, and his father not letting him live it down, and Amelia with Ollie criticising her every move. They support each other, Amelia acts like the #1 fan of Javi’s music and Javi is always ready for helping her hunt ghosts— he makes a fucking theme song for her ghost hunting programme!!!!! They have a “at least I got you in my corner” vibe to them that drew me to their ship in the first place. This kinda support, this kinda FRIENDSHIP. WHERE DO YOU FIND THAT!!!!

But BUT we see Javi showing the “more than friends” signs, and we see Amelia friendzoning him. If you notice, Javi stops showing the signs after she starts dating Ollie. There is just one??? Two?? Scenes??? Of them??? In the last couple episodes of DF— BECAUSE of what I believe, Javi respectfully abandoning his chase, like Theo did, as I mentioned in the Theo/Lily post— when he realises that Amelia’s affections lie somewhere else.

BUT THEN WE COME TO COSMIC FURY. We come to Amelia’s heartbreak, and we SEE Javi being there for her like no other member of the team is!!!!!! Because you see, Solon and Billy were making the morphers, Aiyon was busy @ Zayto, either looking/worrying for him, or with him. Izzy was with Fern. THESE TWO. HAD NOBODY ELSE. Only each other. And I believe, the bond forged in forced intimacy is the greatest bond of all, because it reminds you of the trauma you’ve suffered, and all of the things you went through together.

Amelia was hurt. Javi was injured. And Ollie was evil. The situation works out with such perfection, that when Amelia takes the role of The Red Ranger, JAVI, automatically, becomes her second in command. Now we all know how much I like the Leader x Second in command trope. Javi pitches ideas, he follows behind her, he acts as THE support system a leader needs in case things go awry.

But that’s not where this ends, you see? Because feelings MIGHT develop between them during all of this, but Amelia still has a boyfriend(?). Javi is still “that dorky friend” of hers in her mind.

THAT changes when he loses his arm. She gets respect for him, because all of Dino fury, Javi was just the “sexy lamp” of the team, the guy who crushed on Amelia, and “Izzy’s brother.” He did not have a proper standing of his own, but the way he goes out of the way to sacrifice himself? That opens a new avenue of his personality TO HER. It makes HER realise that “oh my god, I’ve been looking at a diamond in the rough, this entire time.” Because sacrificing yourself isn’t easy. Offering yourself for sacrifice TWICE?

Yes. Yes, that’s the turning point of Javi and Amelia’s relationship. The moment in episode 9, when Javi chooses to sacrifice himself, ONCE AGAIN. When he tells her, in episode 10, that he made it through once, he can do it again? And she looks at him with that “but at what cost, Javi?” And he laughs and tells her he’ll be okay? THAT WORRY IN HER EYES?!! THAT EXPRESSION THAT SMILE?!!? That was the moment Amelia realised she had not only fallen for him, but that she had fallen SO HARD. That she not only “loved him”, now, she also respected him more than she had EVER respected him in the past.

I feel like that RESPECT formed the basis of their bond after that. That they probably never went back to being “just friends.” Because while Javi had respectfully abandoned his chase, Amelia realised she could not let him go. He wasn’t someone she could EVER let go. All because of the way he had acted when things went awry.

While she stepped up to take the leadership of the team, he stepped up to offer himself for the taking. THAT forged their bond harder than steel. They were never going back.

I still feel like after cosmic fury, it takes them a little time to figure out their feelings, but eventually, they do. The love and worry Amelia’s eyes spoke no lies at that moment, and Javi too saw it. ONCE AGAIN ITERATING the Hindi dub made Javi say HE WAS *hER* JAVI

So yes, Tl;dr, they started out as friends, but situations made themselves so that they could not remain friends. They fell in love. Their love was too strong.

I SHIP IT OKAY 😭😭😭 They’re my #1 OTP.

LOOK AT THAT SMILE. Is that how friends look at friends?!!???!!?

Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it

[mike-haters-dni]

So while I'm Saying Shit, I also have a problem with this idea that El was upset that Mike wasn't saying I love you specifically because her love language is words of affirmation so she really needed to hear it? I mean, first of all I think the idea of love languages is mostly useful as a quick generalized way to discuss how we respond to and express affection—a messy nuanced human behavior thing that is hard to talk about, and the show is written with that nuance, but even then I don't think El particularly craves or requires words to feel loved anymore than anyone else does. I think in s4 she was really just confused about why her boyfriend was refusing to say the word 'love' under any circumstance to her? Especially after she heard him say it once already and then she said it back to his face in response so its like, he said he loves me before and I let him know I feel the same and now he won't say it again? Not even as a way to end letters—a normal thing people do for someone who means much less to them than she supposedly does to him sooooooooooo like what's the fucking deal? The contents of the letters sure implies he holds a lot of affection for her and he brings her flowers in her favorite colors and ok we're in love and then he signs 'from' on the card and its like ????? like even as the audience you're supposed to be confused lol like he clearly has some kind of hang up I wonder what it is? Then after El smashes a girl's face in she thinks "oh yeah, the hang up is that he actually hates me because I'm evil haha lemme just start projecting real quick" and then, you know, s4 happens. I mean, it's not like she doesn't value words at all, I just don't think her relationship to them is particularly tied to her trauma like people say, or if anything, maybe she values them less because that's all Brenner would ever give her? Like, perhaps the big Love Confession hits the hardest because it came after Mike and company spent a week or whatever driving across the entire western united states to save her from the government. Idk, something to chew on.

Honestly, if anyone's love language is words its Mike lmao he's the one whos constantly telling El how amazing she is. He's also desperately trying to tell her he loves her in like 5 scenes (arguably succeeding except for not saying the actual word in most of them) before he actually does like, he wants to so bad it almost comes spilling out of his mouth against his will (except for that one time it does ha) he's just terrified of doing so because it would essentially be ripping his entire beating heart out of his chest and handing it to this powerful-in-every-way girl on a silver platter for her to do whatever she wants with—like crushing it into a fine paste in front of his eyes, killing him instantly and preventing him from having the strength to love anything ever again. Like, the other half of the love language thing is that you also speak the love language, meaning you are more likely to show affection by doing the thing you want for other people, and Mike does this waaaaay more than El does for anyone actually (something I would love to see her do more in s5 lowkey. Like, she was at a severe disadvantage before and was too busy dealing with her own shit to have a ton of emotional energy for anyone else so it makes sense, but we're matured now. I think now is the time for a heart-to-heart that goes both ways u kno).

If I wanted to be cute, I could argue that both Mike and El's main love language is actually acts of service. They're both little heroes who jump at the chance to do anything for the people they love with no regard for their own personal wellbeing. Also, adorably, the thing that gets them back together in s3 is Mike saving El from Billy, which El responds to by helping him and Lucas with the vending machine. One offering of m&ms later and we're back baybee it's the quiet understanding that no matter what they'll always be there for each other for meeee

If I'm not being cute I'm saying the idea that everyone has a main 'love language' is bullshit and you're gonna appreciate different things at different times and people are not that easily categorized but it's still a good jumping off point for discussion so—

Anyway El saves the world and Mike saves her and they're dying in each other's arms thank you for your time <3

[messymindofmine]

911 Lone Star Redemption Week!

Thank you @lemonlyman-dotcom for tagging me and @lonestar-s5countdown for starting this!

1)Which 911 Lone Star character redemption is your favorite?

Owen hands down. Tbh, with the exception of maybe TK, I can't think of any character that has specifically had a "redemption journey" as such. At least not in the way I would define it. Mistakes and growth is obviously a central theme of the show but I think Owen is the character that has had a series long redemption arc. And I think Owen is actually very important in what he represents. This is a man who lost his entire crew in a tragedy that quite literally changed the course of history as we know it. And that wasn't even the beginning of his trauma. He carried the guilt of his brother's death into adulthood and that guilt and trauma was compounded throughout his life. People can dismiss Owen all they want but I think that in many ways the type of representation he brings to the show is just as important as that of Tarlos, Paul, Marjan etc. What we see with him is the reality of how a lifetime of loss and trauma scars a person. And you know what? Owen is actually the ideal scenario because even at his worst, he still loves and cares for the people around him. Even his most annoying moments are borne from his desire to help others. Most of all, Owen makes sure that the people he cares about don't make the mistakes he did. Had it not been for him, who knows how Judd would have survived his PTSD? And I know people have mixed feelings on this but I think him bringing the 126 together the way he did was far more about him bringing together kindred souls who needed each other than him saving anyone. And I will never understand the people who say Owen is a bad parent because while he is obviously not perfect, nobody can deny that he loves his son more than anything in the world. And actually, that is another reason why I picked Owen for the best redemption arc. I think his redemption is so beautifully intertwined with TK's. Owen's grief and trauma obviously affected TK as a child and as he got older that childhood trauma of watching his father spiral led him down his own dark path. I think TK and Owen are the most beautiful and realistic example of a parent-child relationship not only because of how much the love each other but also how a parent's trauma can impact the child. But despite it all, they remain so close and are unafraid to openly express their love for each other.

2) Is there a character you think deserved an more of an onscreen redemption moment than we got on the show?

Hmm I don't really know. I guess I would have liked to see more discussion regarding Owen's father and how it would have felt knowing that Robert got to experience all the things Owen never did. I don't know how they would go about redeeming a dead character that we only had about 5 minutes of or if that even counts as redemption but I would be interested in exploring that more. And I would like to see TK be a part of that as well. I wish we'd gotten a scene of Owen actually telling TK about Robert.

3) Is there a recurring (or even one-time guest) "villain" that you would like to see return with a redemption arc? Or if not, is there a "villain" you absolutely would not want to see get a redemption?

I know he did kind of get redeemed in s3 but I wouldn't be opposed to seeing Billy Tyson again. Actually, I think it would be interesting to see him now after everything. Now that he and Owen have reached a truce and there is no more rivalry over the firehouse, what is Billy doing? Are he and Judd still in touch? Has he retired? I'd be interested to know what's going on with him now.

4) Are there any unresolved conflicts from the first four seasons that you wish were reconciled onscreen?

I know that the popular answers to this are usually the Push arc or 4x01-4x04 and I totally agree with both of those but for the sake of the post, I'm going to go with something different. I wish we'd gotten to see more of Mateo coming to terms with what happened to his cousin and how it impacted his family. He carried that guilt of his cousin going to jail for the first time to cover for him but we don't know what his relationship with the rest of his family is like as a result. Do they even know that Marvin was just covering for Mateo? Do they blame him for the path that Marvin took? Did Mateo see or talk to them after Marvin's death? All we got onscreen was his cousin calling to tell him that Marvin was dead. I just found that storyline interesting because it added depth to Mateo while also connecting two separate characters played in different shows by the same actor in a really fun way.

5) Which character would you like to have a more developed backstory?

Nancy. As things are now, she is the only one who we really don't know anything about for sure. I like that LS doesn't do "Begins" episodes the way 911 OG does because I prefer how we have slowly gotten more backstory for the characters and there is still more about all of them that we don't know but I would like to have some solid backstory for Nancy. We do know she has a sister and she was picked on in school. I feel like that could be potentially interesting and allow us to see how she ended up as a paramedic. Maybe she was a science geek and ended up performing first aid on a classmate which inspired her. Maybe her sister has a chronic illness and she was inspired by helping take care of her. She resuscitated that woman against her will so I feel like there is a strong basis for the latter theory.

As always, I'm going to leave this an open tag and invite anyone who wants to participate to do so. And if anyone wants me to tag them, please let me know!

[willel]

Lonnie and Neil are portrayed as simplistic and phobic characters, there is nothing going on for them lol. At least in Billy's case, we knew he was abused and there was some background there. Brenner is portrayed as a bad scientist guy but he's given more character to him in this season. What do Lonnie and Neil going on for them aside from being bigoted and dead beat fathers? Cannot even say you want some sort of 'happiness' for them when they are just portrayed as dick fathers

I have no interest in Neil because the show has not really made me care about Max's family dynamics outside of the fact that Billy is her personal antagonist and she fears him before and after his death. The only purpose Neil had was to demonstrate how he has crafted his son to grow up and be exactly like him, just as his father probably did to him, and his father before that.

Lonnie interests me because I care a lot about the Byers family dynamics and the role Lonnie plays in their life. Even though Lonnie hasn't been around since season 1, his behavior in the past echos throughout Joyce, Jonathan, and Will. It just... captivates me. I need to know more. I want to know more. This may also be because I relate to the Byers family the most so I'm just more invested in them.

I think Brenner was a great villain, I'm glad he can no longer actively give El more trauma. She still has many chains, but at least one has been released.

All that said, it's no the villains themselves that are interesting. It's their relationship and affect on the hero characters that make things so juicy.

Do I need a backstory on Lonnie's childhood? No. Do I need a backstory on how the hell he managed to win Joyce over and have two kids with her? Hell yeah!

Do I need to know how Lonnie acted when he still lived with his family just to see how bad it was? Hell yeah!

Do I want to see the moment Joyce finally booted his ass even though I probably won't get that? Hell to the yeah!

Do I want to see Lonnie come back just so that Will can give him the middle finger! Well, heck yeah!

So yeah. I don't care if Lonnie is happy. He can die in a ditch for all I care. But boyyyy do I love the character purely because of the drama and angst he brings to the table. And the ditch he dies in? It should be a ditch that Joyce, Jonathan, and Will dug just for him so that they can push him in and bury him <3 That right there is true happiness.

Does that answer your question anon? To be honest, I feel like your insinuating I'm a fan of Lonnie (or Neil. Ew) but I'm not. I'm an active and proud Lonnie hater. He's one of those rare characters that you LOVE to hate. Like "Damn, this guy suck so much. I want to see him again just to see him suck more."

I don't feel that way for Neil because like I said, can't say I'm that interested in Max's family dynamics (the show could've done more with it imo)

I sorta felt the same way about Brenner? But honestly, he gives me the creeps moreso than Lonnie. I'm not sure if I love to hate him because he's just that creepy.

I know a lot of people find Billy's villainy interesting, but I also can't say he's a case of "love to hate". He's just... there I guess.

But Lonnie? It's so easy to hate him. Enjoyable even. Perfection.

[marley-manson]

I mentioned something privately that @majorbaby asked me to expand upon so I’m just gonna make a post gathering my thoughts together.

Basically my thoughts on Bless You Hawkeye and what it says about Hawkeye. And note that I don’t apply real world psychology to fictional depictions. I’m coming at this from a strict narrative analysis perspective, I don’t care how trauma works in real life, it’s not relevant to my understanding of a 70s sitcom that loves talking up Freud lol.

So like, I definitely get why there’s extensive fanon about Billy being anywhere from a petty bully to a rapist, but it’s only fanon, and the Billy is an asshole take actively contradicts textual canon. Hawkeye thinks of him fondly, calls him a great guy, presumably knows him to an extent as an adult too since he uses the present tense, and has nothing but good things to say about him.

Hawkeye isn’t uncovering a deep dark secret that changes everything, or for that matter, anything, about his life overall. Billy is presumably a decent guy today who acted like a typical 13 year old boy once and horsed around on a boat too much and was probably afraid to get in trouble so lied about it. There’s nothing that suggests malicious intent, attempted murder, or any other kind of abuse. (Note that the line about looking at magazines with pinup girls in them together is idyllic childhood male bonding in context, I promise you that in a 70s tv show that was not written to imply grooming lol). Billy’s fine, and Hawkeye’s pretty much fine.

This episode isn’t a revelation that Hawkeye was abused or suffered greatly as a child. The focus of this episode is on how Hawkeye reacted emotionally to a betrayal, not on how the betrayal affected him - because it doesn’t, particularly. It’s a subtle but important distinction.

I’m not saying it can’t still be traumatic, and it clearly is to some extent. I mean it was a near death experience, and the psychosomatic effect of partially remembering is debilitating for a couple days. But like, the extent of Hawkeye’s actual trauma is mild, lbr. Hawkeye has a neat little breakthrough and he’s cured and makes jokes about it at the next poker game. No lasting effect, no follow-up sessions, no grand revelation about how it could have affected Hawkeye as a person growing up. And I know this is an episodic sitcom lol so I wouldn’t expect it to be followed up on in later episodes, but it’s not even implied to have further reaching effects the way, say, Hawkeye’s ongoing trauma is implied in Hawk’s Nightmare, or the lingering effects of his breakdown are shown in GFA. They could’ve easily given Sidney a line about coming back a week later for a check-up, have him mention that while the psychosomatic effects are cured by remembering, it’s still something to work through in the future. Or Sidney could’ve just... suggested that it had an impact. “Maybe that’s why you do/feel/think X.” But no, Hawkeye is cured by remembering, the end.

Honestly I think this is a flaw of the episode lol, I’ve read an interview about Alda and the writers working to try to make it less ‘pat’ and I’m not sure how successful they were. It’s clear they wanted to write a Hawkeye story about the psychosomatic effect of a buried memory, probably in part to help set up GFA, and it kind of ends up standing out like an awkward sore thumb due to being so episodic and self-contained. It’s dramatic enough that it feels like it should have more of an impact on our understanding of Hawkeye at the very least, but it just doesn’t go there.

This is why I like to apply it to Hawkeye’s relationships with the army volunteers lol, to try to impart that sense of weight that’s missing from the content of the episode itself. Hawkeye wants to say he hates someone for harming him, but he can’t because he loves them. He thanks them for saving his life while ignoring and burying the fact that they’re the one who nearly killed him in the first place. I mean, is that not a perfect description of his relationship with the army volunteers, in the alternate version of late Mash that acknowledges how fucked up the military is?

That’s just my headcanon of course. But hey, like I mentioned, at the very least Bless You Hawkeye is still a statement on Hawkeye’s character. It’s not a revelatory statement, it doesn’t change our understanding of his character or relationships, and it doesn’t foreshadow any future relationship drama (unless you really want to stretch it and apply this to BJ’s evil pranks lol, but I doubt very much that’s deliberate). But it’s a good summary of the kind of guy we already know Hawkeye is: someone who sees the best in the people he loves, and prioritizes that love over hate.

Basically I guess my point is that Bless You Hawkeye is actually a relatively shallow episode that doesn’t justify the amount of drama it aims for lol, and it in no way suggests that childhood trauma has shaped Hawkeye’s life, personality, or character at all, but his reaction to that trauma reflects his character well and it’s a good, solid statement on who he is as a person.

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

ughh ty for ur amazing tags it was so disgusting how they were 1. telling on themselves claiming poc and fat people aren't attractive and 2. wishing racism and body shaming on an actor in the name of justice(??). not that im surprised anyway their crowd was the one that demonized lucas and ignored caleb for years. one of my favorite characters is patrick and he wasn't allowed even a nightmare sequence he was just forgotten by the narrative and brushed off. a Black victim of abuse not even given a voice, just forcibly suppressed and used to move the plot along to fuel jason's satanic bullshit. he is ignored by the large majority of the fandom that focuses all their attention on white boy of the week but think hating billy is enough to compensate for their favouritism and racism. i hate how poc are treated in this show but its not enough for ppl to just direct all their performative criticism on a character they want actual racist harassment directed at them too. so disgusting.

i don't normally beef on the internet (i much prefer throwing hands irl actually, but ppl seem to enjoy hiding their shit behind a screen lol), but i really did such a hard double take at those tags.

i really can't fathom tearing down another character because your fav gets shit. i fully understand that characters like lucas and argyle don't get a lot of attention and that's likely a combination of a) the duffer's own bias sidelining those characters, and b) fans' bias in ignoring poc. that doesn't mean i'm gonna throw hands with your average eddie or steve stan or whatever, i don't find that productive. i'd rather engage with fans that already enjoy my fav or are open to consuming content about them and encourage (in this long winded example) eddie stans to enjoy argyle content without making them feel guilty about their blorbo.

same goes for every time i see someone thinking that if they kick down billy it will elevate nancy or lucas or max or eddie or steve. it's petty, it doesn't work, and the only things that result from it are a) an echo chambers where all your fellow salty mutuals will yes man you, or b) ppl who like what you just talked shit about are gonna roll up asking what your damage is. lo and behold.

even putting all of the dumb nancy vs billy nonsense aside (and for the record i think the duffers badly wrote both characters in different ways), those fucking tags were just. SUCH an accidental slip reveal of what that person really thinks. i don't think they're a horrible person or whatever but they're definitely a dick and think that as long as they hate the right character they're correct and good.

like you said, wishing bigotry on a person/character just because you don't like them is a weird fucking thing to say. at that point i barely care what the context of the post was. can you imagine saying that out loud in a room full of fat ppl/poc? i don't think any of them are gonna come to the conclusion that you mean it as a roundabouts insult against a popular hot white actor/character and go 'oh yes haha you're so right i totally think fans hating him for being brown/fat is preferable'. i personally would have torn down whoever said that shit to me irl, that's some white ass performative activism i don't have time for, but it seems like ppl don't think about how the shit they say would sound out loud irl to the very ppl they seem to be trying to support

nevermind that any given piece of billy fanfiction and an awful lot of fanart explores the trauma billy has gone through more than it goes 'ah yes blonde boy hot'. we can have tho conversations without being pricks saying shit in bad faith about it. like, most billy fans i see are huge fans of patrick and mourn his lost potential. because we know how the duffers treat their abused characters.

this shit isn't a contest, but often the shit you say about a character affects ppl who are similar to/identity with that character. if in your pursuit to hate and spit about a character, you say shitty things that make poc, fat ppl, abuse victims, etc., feel like you're insulting them or just using them as props for your wokeness, then you need to take a step back and ask yourself if maybe you needa chill and reevaluate what you're doing. it's not a good look, and neither is the mindset that revenge and punitive 'justice' should be prioritized above healing, growth, and connection.

(like c'mon we can redeem fictional war criminals but we can't let an 18 year old being abused by his dad work through his racial biases? like the latter isn't a much more common situation that happens irl to real abused teens with bigoted parents? alright)

anyway, i'm glad you appreciated my tag rambles, i really was just word vomiting in a fury lol

if you love patrick and enjoy the idea of patrick and billy interacting, i have a # patrick mcckinley tag and a # kingr*ve tag for each respectively (i lump all my patrick and billy stuff under their ship whether platonic or romantic bc patrick stuff is scarce enough as it is). cheers!

[mcrcki]

Was that [SAMANTHA LOGAN]? Oh no no, that was just [TATUM RILEY], a [CANON CHARACTER] from [SCREAM]. They are [EIGHTEEN] years old, use [SHE/HER], and [ARE] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

tatum’s been here for about a three years, give or take a few months

what is your character’s job

she’s a college student , majoring in social work. she wants to be a victims advocate , and is currently working between different temp jobs but trying to get some intern work inside the court system within the city. 

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

she’s pulled directly after ghostface killed her

has any magic affected your character

nope, she’s still the same old tatum, just much less dead

and any other information you might find useful for us and the other members to know!!

starting off this with, i am unfortunately obsessed with the scream franchise and will ramble about every aspect of the first movie specifically but also the sequels after. also have SO MANY THEORIES about this franchise. it's unfortunately my comfort series. anyways, i am just a little obsessed with tatum and her entire vibe throughout the movie, she’s so fucking iconic so anyways here’s me rambling about my girl

the younger sister of dewey riley, lifelong best friend of sidney prescott, girlfriend of stu macher.

truly the more carefree, over the top, bubbly bff to sidney’s sort of reserved personality.

has some of the best one liners in the movie please

literally coined the name ghostface thank you v much

is killed by billy but has no idea who was behind the mask. she personally still has no clue what really happened that night and she doesn’t like to think about it. tends to stay out of garages and doesn’t like being in locked rooms. deals with a lot of the trauma from it still but she tries to put it behind her

she’s got more important things going on than dwelling on what happened in woodsboro

is currently in college with an undeclared major, cause she’s debated between psychology, criminal justice, journalism, and just dropping out and going to cosmetology school. sort of all over the place with school right now as she still struggles with feeling like the life she lives right now is even real

has FINALLY settled on a major and a path in life. she is going to be a victims advocate, she wants to help people !! she wants to do good in this world !! she’s going to make something of herself in this next chance at life

has a decent social media presence and enjoys doing that as a hobby and would love if she could make some serious money off of it. 

takes self defense classes with buffy summers, and enjoys it a lot. happy to help people learn to defend themselves too

did punch billy loomis in the face and is still v proud of that (even if it gave him his memories back rip)

she’s the kind of person to absolutely hype you up but also tell you all the harsh truths you need to hear before someone who cares less about you tells you

would give you the shirt off of her back but also leave you on read if you asked her some question she thought was stupid

truly just trying to live her life right now, trying to put woodsboro behind her and just enjoy the life that she never got the chance to have

she is currently living with her brother dewey, they moved in together after tatum nearly died from billy loomis again, it had triggered their memories to return and neither of them have wanted to deal with the worry that comes from living alone for now

CONNECTIONS :

✩ former roommate(s)

she used to have an apartment off campus and would have had one or two roommates

truly open to anyone and everyone, they could get along, could hate each other, be absolute opposites or too alike it clashes, whatever you like friends !!!

✩ friends

just be her bud pls

she’s been here for a year, and is 100% a very sociable person, so she would reach out and try and make friends in either school or her jobs.

✩ past hookups/exes

she’s been here for a year, and definitely would have fallen down the path of ‘this will distract me’.

she’s bi but leans towards men in a romantic sense

✩ classmates

just any college students??

tatum hasn’t decided her major at all yet so she’s just in like general classes for her degree instead of any focus yet, so would absolutely be down to run into just about anyone

✩ coworkers

she’s probably picked up a couple part time jobs in retail/waitressing so would be down to grab a connection that way!!

will eventually work in the court system so if anyone is in that line of work, she’ll be around!!

✩ emergency contact

listen, she definitely has like at least one friend she calls when she feels like something is wrong, someone she calls when she needs someone else around with her, just a shoulder to lean on when she gets stuck in those “i was murdered” headspaces

✩ self defense class friends

girl is one of the only people to fully fight off ghostface, like her and sid kicked both of their asses, she knows how to fight and definitely kept it up in the city

[ratboydefenselawyer]

This is my first and probably last post I will ever make. I’m here to consume the content, not necessarily create it.

I see all of you fighting the good fight for Billy and his story. And I wanted to add my thoughts into the ring.

As someone who works with children and adults from abusive backgrounds EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can tell you that Billy checks every single box for being in his survival state 24/7.

I have had extensive trainings about trauma, how to recognize it and the effects it can have on a person and how they act. Personally I have endured a lot of trauma myself and had to unlearn a lot of unhealthy behaviors and ways of thinking because of it.

With that being said: someone who is in a state of survival constantly is not capable of thinking rationally, the only goal is to…survive.

Billy Hargrove was an abused child. A CHILD. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Does this forgive his actions? No. But it explains them. Gives us a deeper insight into the “why?”

Neil hit his son, he insulted him, called him a slur and then reminded him that Max, his younger stepsister’s well-being is in his hands. That’s a lot for a 17 year old to go through. Then he goes to the Byers residence where he’s insulted and lied to. His sister (who’s well-being is in his hands) is alone with 5 boys, one of them is his age? THEN to top it all off, Steve punches him? All that built up rage from what just happened with Neil comes spilling out. Oh and to make matters worse, he gets sedated and Max MIRRORS Neil’s abuse by making him repeat himself. Keep this in mind, while all this is going on Billy has absolutely no idea what is going on. He still doesn’t know what Max is doing with all of these boys in this house.

Moving forward- Billy gets possessed by the mind flayer, he still has no idea what is going on and loses control of his own body. He had to watch as his hands take the lives of many people to feed this creature from his worst nightmares. Then this group of children lock him in a sauna, he is FINALLY able to beg for help and sobs. Even then NOBODY tells him what’s going on, no one really makes an effort to help him. It’s only in the final episode of season 3 that El breaks through to him, she see’s his past, his mom leaving, the abuse. Even standing up to the mind flayer Billy has no idea what he’s up against, he’s still in the dark. All he knows is that it’s him or this child that showed him how to come back to himself. It’s him or Max, and as we already know Max’s well-being is in his hands. Nothing is more terrifying than Neil’s wrath. And in his dying breath he apologizes.

For my fellow Billy Stans- Please never let anyone bully you about what characters you can and can’t like. Your ability to see deeper into the characters and push past the hate is needed in this world. Not just in fiction, but in the real world. If you relate to Billy as I do, from past trauma, I am so sorry. I am so very sorry that you have to fight, explain and rationalize your love for him every time. For whatever reason you stand behind Billy Hargrove, it is valid. And unlike Billy’s story, I hope that yours doesn’t end in tragedy. My inbox is always open for those who need to talk.

Now, for the Antis- I want to say, good for you. You managed to take a broken and deeply complex character and reduce him to a heartless villain in your minds. Think what you want about him, it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is how you act to the people who do relate to Billy. The name calling, the hate, the wild assumptions about real people!! It’s so insane to me. I hope that turning into the bully to make a point was worth it. How other people relate to a character doesn’t affect you in any way at all. Somehow many of you have managed to put people down and make them afraid to express their love for a character. It’s not something to be proud of.

I am not willing to argue with anyone on this, this is just my views and my opinion. Dacre Montgomery stated that he worked hard to humanize Billy Hargrove. Seeing his character be dragged through the mud and continuously be turned into the irredeemable monster by the Duffer Brothers and the fans is just really sad.

Billy Hargrove means a lot to me. For a lot of different reasons. He deserved so much more than he was given. He deserved a chance to redeem himself and to tell his side of the story. He deserved a chance to apologize for everything he did in his survival state. He deserved the chance to finally be happy and be surrounded by people who actually cared for him, who wanted to help him.

Just keep going everyone. ❤️

[misslavenderlady]

F is for Fight 😡

Dwayne/Female!Reader (She/Her Pronouns)

Summary: You're angry with Dwayne, and a slip of the tongue lands you in hot water. Buckle up, baby. You're gonna get punished for being a bad girl~

This is a gift for @ghoulgeousimmaculate as it was inspired by both her Yandere Alphabet series and her fic T.L.C. 💖 It's also sequel to the fic Baby Come Back.

It has some references to her stuff, and takes place in the modern world, not 1987. PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS CAREFULLY!!

(I know the gif of Billy isn't from Lost Boys, it just fit the look I needed)

WARNINGS: Nsfw/Smut/18+ Readers Only, Arguing, Punishment, BDSM (Dom/Sub, Impact play), Spanking (like the hard punishment kind, not the fun kind), Use of a belt, Degradation, Emotional Manipulation, Crying, Bruising, Power Imbalance, Hypnosis, Dumbification, use of the word "Daddy", Dub-Con, Trauma, PTSD, Aftercare

You loved Dwayne. No matter what happened, you would always love him. He was your darling. Your mate. The father of the child you adopted together. Nothing would ever make you lose the affection you held for him.  

But that didn't mean he didn't have moments where he absolutely infuriated you. 

Dwayne was naturally a very protective person. He always followed you close, like a handsome shadow. That itself wasn't a problem. What WAS a problem was how he felt the need to take control over everything in your life. What you ate, what you wore, where you went at night. There was always something new for him to influence. 

He claimed he did this so you didn't get hurt or lost. That it was his way of taking care of you so you wouldn't have anything to worry about. You knew better than that. He was controlling everything so you wouldn't leave. 

And tonight you were calling him out on it.

"Angel, please-"

"Don't you 'angel' me, Dwayne! I told you to cut this shit out!" you scolded him. It was just the two of you in the cave. You knew he didn't like when you chewed him out when others were around. 

"I'm not a child, I'm a grown woman! I don't need you holding my hand on everything I do. I'm so tired of this!"

Dwayne kept a soft expression, giving you the ol’ puppy-dog-eyes trick. He always wanted to be so gentle and sweet when the two of you were together. But you weren’t having it today. You stood your ground, no matter how much you adored his brown eyes. 

"But you can't handle that on your own, baby! I need to take care of you, and that's too much for you to handle"

Now you were furious. Your face felt hot and your blood was boiling. The temper inside was rising fast. You just couldn’t believe him.

"Going to the store to get myself a goddamn cup of coffee is TOO MUCH TO HANDLE?" you shouted. "I can't believe this! You need to back off, Dwayne! You make me feel so small and dumb, and I’ve had enough! I…I just…"

The words spilled out of your mouth before you could even think.

“I HATE YOU!”

It was a mistake. A terrible, stupid, grave mistake. You fucked up BAD. 

Regret and fear washed over you, drowning you in terror as you realized what you did. Your hand slapped over your mouth and your body trembled as you helplessly watched your beloved vampire shift entirely right before your eyes.

The warmth in Dwayne’s eyes had extinguished, a deep coldness taking its place. His face was pure stone, the structure, and expression hardened and sharp. His stance was stronger and taller as if he was physically growing to look down at you. There was no love to be seen. No affection or worry or care for you.

“What did you just say?”

Fuck, it was as if a demon had risen from hell, calling you out for your sins. The trembling in your hands only kicked up. Your fingers shook terribly as you held them up in defense. Your legs weren’t doing much better. The knees buckled and threatened to give out as you slowly backed up. Dwayne only frightened you more with every step he took too.

“D-Dwayne, honey, I didn’t me-mean it!” you whimpered. He didn’t so much as blink at you. It was like he had transformed into a statue. “I-I’m sorry…!”

The sounds of your pathetic apologies were silenced by the swift move of his hand, grasping around your arm and pulling you forward. 

“You will be”

He dragged you into the cave alcove, his grip iron-tight and strong, like the shackle of a chain. No matter how badly you shook or how much you tried to wiggle away, he kept his hold on you. Dwayne truly was a powerful creature, and even now he was holding back on you. Even so, the darkness in his eyes told you he was itching to be worse. MUCH worse.

No time was wasted with him. He sat down on the chair in the center of the room, holding you still with one hand and bringing the other forward to force down your jeans and panties. A frightened squeak escaped your lips as cold air rushed around your skin. He was your mate, and mates were supposed to keep each other warm. All you felt as he roughed you up was pure ice. No heat and no love to share.

“First part of your punishment is impact,” he growled, roughly tugging you down over his lap. “Fifteen spanks. Count them out, and say ‘I’m sorry’ after each one. You fuck up, I start again and add more. Got it?” 

You were absolutely dumbfounded. Dwayne was never this cruel with you. The words you spoke had truly broken his heart. The pain in your very soul would have been enough if he hadn’t distracted you with a sharp slap to your ass. 

“Answer me!” he demanded. 

“I-I got it, D-Dwayne!” you cried out. “O-ONE! I’m sorry!”

God, did it ache. One spank and the stinging sensation was already beginning. He didn’t waste any time before bringing his hand down again. He grunted as his hand hit the flesh, roughness on your soft, tender parts.

“Two!! Aah…’m sorry!!”

Being very intimate with one another, Dwayne had done his fair share of spanking with you. In the past, it had been romantic and sexy. He massaged you in between each hit, teasing you with his magic hands before giving you a playful swat. It did sting, but it was just the right amount of pressure to make you moan, not cry.

This was not one of those times. Your eyes were starting to prick with tears as he hit you again and again. He wasn’t giving you a break or taking it slow. This truly did feel like a punishment. As you blabbered out each number and apology, you wanted to burst out into tears. You felt terrible for what you did. The pain you made him feel was given back with such aggressiveness. 

“Si-six…mmff!...s-sorry.!!” 

It wasn’t just soreness. It BURNED. Unlike other times when he gave equal attention of his hits to your thighs and pussy in between spanks, all the pressure was hitting the same spot on your ass. You didn’t get a break at all. Tears slipped down your cheeks as they kept coming and coming.

“Ten - no no! Nine! NINE! I’M SORRY, DWAYNE!” you frantically apologized. Your body couldn’t take more than what he was planning. You hoped it was going to be enough to excuse your mess up.

And then the faint clinking sound greeted your ears. Your eyes went wide and your voice whimpered helplessly. He was taking off his belt.

“What a shame,” he simply said. “You were making such good progress. Guess I’m gonna have to bump it up to twenty”

Your heart sank. Iciness shot through your veins. A thick, painful lump was forming in your throat. Why did you have to mess it up when you were so close to the end??

Before you could add to the way you were internally kicking yourself, the hand was brought down again. The belt came with it. No mistaking it, that was real, grade-A leather hitting your skin. 

“Don’t make me rack it up to thirty. You better get it right this time. Say it like you mean it,” he ordered. 

It was so much worse. All the pain you had made him feel was coming to life as he brought the belt down. The material was bad enough, but the metal in the loops and buckle added sharp jolts that made the agony stretch out longer.

“You really broke my heart, baby girl,” he sighed, swatting at you again. You blubbered so pathetically, yet you would not forget your numbers or words this time. “Why would you say such a cruel thing?”

“TH-THREE! Aah…fuck, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it, D-Dwayne! I just slipped out!”

You really were telling the truth. At the beginning of your disagreement, you wanted to rationally talk about things. Say what was bothering you and communicate like an adult. But that’s not how Dwayne saw it. He saw his baby acting up and it made him want to put her back in her place. You hated yourself for what you said.

“I feed you. I clothe you. I spoil you rotten with everything,” he went on. SMACK! The leather was so fucking loud, it made you tremble with each hit. “I even adopt Laddie with you so you can have the family you wanted so badly. And THIS is how you repay me? By saying you hate me?”

“Oowww!! Fu…FIVE! I’m sorry!!”

Your skin was in agonizing pain. Though part of you had gone numb, the sharp hits were still clear as day. It made you full-on sob now, tears pouring in large puddles out of your eyes and staining Dwayne’s jeans below you. The stains grew in size as more strikes came.

“I don’t get it. Don’t you love me, baby?” SMACK. “Don’t you love Laddie?” SMACK.

Playing at your heartstrings only made the guilt skyrocket. You wept into the denim fabric, shaking and sobbing so harshly. Of course, you did. Of course, you loved them! You would die without your mate and your little boy. It would be a cold day in hell before you ever left them. It was so stupid to let your emotions get the better of you, and now you were paying dearly for it.

Yet still, you counted.

“TEN, I’m sorry! ELEVEN! I’m sorry!! I love you, Daddy! Pl-Please!”

You weren’t even thinking now. In moments of weakness when you felt so frightened and needy, you called Dwayne by “Daddy” instead. It was absolutely a sex thing for you two, but more often than not, it was your way of saying he was in charge. He had control. You were just a poor, little human who couldn’t even pick what to eat for dinner, let alone make big life choices.

Though you couldn’t see it, the faintest smile tugged at Dwayne’s lips. He was breaking you. His baby was coming back to him. But he wasn’t done yet.

He kept crooning his disappointment with the absolutely diabolic smacks. Bright, red marks were quickly shifting into deep, purple bruises. You wouldn’t be able to move properly for weeks. Hell, you couldn’t even imagine moving. If Dwayne forgave you, he would have to carry you everywhere. It pleased him immensely when he influenced things to make you rely on him.

“Ooh my poor little mama~” he sighed, tossing the belt aside to switch back to his hand. He missed the burn of the heat coming off your skin. “Look what you made me do. If you had just let Daddy take care of you, I wouldn’t have to put you over my knee like this”

SMACK!

“What’s next? Soap in your mouth?”

SMACK!!

“Make you stand in the corner?”

SMACK!!

“Send you to bed without your food?”

SMACK!!!

“You wanna act like a brat, I’ll treat you like a brat. You would die out there without me. I don’t ever wanna hear you say that again. Got it?”

It was getting damn-near impossible to speak. All that came out was garbbled messes that vaguely sounded like the numbers you were counting and the apologies you were giving. It was all too much. Your spirit was breaking down. Though you were reaching the end, you feared what would happen if you messed up again. 

“D-Daddy….” you cried. Fingers gripped at his leg to keep you from moving around too much. If you got too squirmy, you feared more punishment awaited you. Your eyes were puffy and your face was flushed as you turned slightly to face him. 

“I’m….sorry….I…l-love you….”

In a moment of clarity, Dwayne stopped his hand. At that point, he was at fifteen. The number of your original punishment, and just five shy of completing your second round. He was a man who sought things out to the end. Good on his word, especially if his word had a threat to it.

Yet he gazed into your blown-out pupils and pathetic expression and realized how much he hated doing this. The remorse in your eyes was real. His sweet girl didn’t mean what she said. The love was there, she just had forgotten her place as his mate. It killed Dwayne to see you so defeated. So he gave you a hint of mercy.

He lightly tapped your ass for the last five spanks. They still hurt since he was messing with your bruises, but now you could actually breathe and think again. Instead of screaming out your counting, you could say it softly, allowing some recovery for your voice. You got all the way to twenty, softly adding your apologies with each one.

"That's it….that's a good girl…" he purred. Any anger he held before was fizzled out. He was back as your sweet, gentle caretaker. "It's all done. No more counting. You did as I asked, mama"

You couldn't move on your own. Every inch of your body hurt like it was burned by the fires of hell itself. Dwayne knew this and did his best to help make you comfortable. He carefully slid your clothes off, letting you be naked. Slowly he moved you so he could lay you down on the bed that was set up on the other side of the room. 

You were on your stomach, of course. There was no way you'd be able to sit or be on your back for a good, long time. Dwayne whispered soft praises as he pulled a blanket over you and slipped your favorite stuffed animal next to you. 

The sobbing had quieted down into soft sniffles. You were grateful to have the old Dwayne back, but some recovery time was still needed. Thankfully, he knew that. He brought you pain medicine, a glass of water, a heating pad, more pillows, and your phone so you could be nice and comfy. 

"Now then," he stated, leaning down to meet you at eye level. "I forgive you. I know you didn't mean what you said. We love each other, baby. That's never gonna change, right?"

You nodded sheepishly. Dwayne took amazing care of you. There was never any worry about work, money, or personal problems when he was around. You should have just let him get you the coffee you wanted. You should let him do everything for you. 

"Good girl," he praised, leaning in to kiss your forehead. "Now then. You remember what I said before? About that being your first part of the punishment?"

For a moment your heart started pounding again. You couldn't take another round of pain. Dwayne must have sensed this because he smiled softly and stroked your cheek to ease your worries. 

"Don't fret, angel. It's just a little one. I'm just gonna turn off that pretty little head for a bit so you remember who's the one that does the thinking for you"

His warm, chocolate eyes began to burn, swirls of yellow, orange, and red taking over. 

Fuck. Not this again!!

You still remembered how dumb you acted all those months. It has taken a whole year and a half of being a stupid, giggly little idiot who followed Dwayne around like a puppy before he granted you back your intelligence. Things had worked out for you as mates, but to lose control of your mind again was worse than any beating. 

"Shhhh don't cry, baby. It's only for the rest of the night," he cooed. Already you could feel the memories and the ideas and all your knowledge slip away. "Consider it a reminder that you can't be without me"

That was the last thing he said before sucking out the remaining thoughts that took up space in your brain. 

Back again was the sweet little dummy he so adored. Nothing but a dopey smile and a vacant look in your eyes. 

You smiled dreamily at him, snuggling up in bed with only the thought of loving Dwayne and letting him do everything for you. When he was satisfied with his work, he smiled and kissed you softly before stepping away and pulling the curtain of the room down to give you some privacy. 

While you were napping in the room he chose to relax in the lobby. Reading over a random book on the couch by himself. It was quite peaceful until he heard the familiar sound of a little kid running into the cave. 

The others were off to do their own thing, but Laddie ran straight to Dwayne, eyes wide with excitement and arms held out for a hug.

"Papa! I'm home!" he cheerfully shouted. Dwayne's smile widened as he eagerly greeted the little vampire with a hug. It always warmed his undead heart to be able to call Laddie his child. 

"Hey, buddy! Didya have fun at the arcade with your uncles?" 

Laddie nodded eagerly. He was still hyped up on his sugar buzz from all the goodies he got. But before he could start rambling about all the cool stuff he did, he looked around the room in curiosity. He seemed a bit confused. 

"Where's Mama? I missed her!" 

Dwayne bit back an evil smile. It would be a while before you were presentable enough to visit. Laddie didn't have to know the ways Mommy and Daddy had their own fun. So he shrugged and gave a simple answer. 

"Oh she's just resting, buddy," he said. "Mama needed a time out"

[strangertheories]

If you're seeing this on a non-Nancy tag, it'll talk about what I tagged a bit later on!

I mentioned this on my TikTok (forever_ronance if you're interested), but Nancy antis using the scene with her and Steve in S2 when she's drunk and telling him she doesn't love him to insult her will never make sense to me. First of all, she can't control her actions because she's incredibly drunk. But secondly, she's a traumatized 17 year old girl whose best friend is dead but she can't openly mourn her as her family still thinks she's alive. Her dating Steve was a coping mechanism for this trauma, even if she didn't realize it.

Not enough people focus on what Nancy is saying beyond her calling her relationship with Steve bullshit. She says that they're pretending that they're ok and that they didn't kill Barb. You see, Nancy believes her having sex with Steve caused Barb's death, so she's acting like they're normal and in love because if she admits she doesn't love Steve, she admits that she "killed" Barb for nothing. When she's saying they're bullshit it's not a personal insult to Steve or that she's been using him, it's that she's traumatized and because of the alcohol and Barb's parents selling her house (plus the whole anniversary affect Owens mentioned), she's unable to repress those feelings.

She's had these emotions building up ever since S1 and I don't think she realized she even had these emotions, at least not fully. Yes it's horrible for Steve that his love is unrequited but she didn't realize she was using him and also sometimes people just do bad things because of trauma. Doesn't excuse it of course, but I don't get why people will forgive Steve for being a homophobic slut shaming bully but not Nancy for being a traumatized kid. Not to mention how Steve has always been a bit of a facade for her to try and seem different to her parents ironically by dating someone she didn't love and how we always knew she'd be actually rebelling by being with someone she loved like Johnathan. (This is especially cool to me with a sapphic lense through Ronance too as her rebelling from her parents would be her being true to herself with added queer angst but that's another post).

It frustrates me because people in this fandom will bang on about how trauantized everyone must be and how the show isn't exploring it enough (which is true in some cases) but then when a character acts out as a result of trauma, they then hold no forgiveness for their character. Like sure, act traumatized but only in a specific neat way that doesn't impact anyone else. I'm not talking about Billy here by the way, he was a racist abuser, I'm talking about people doing mildly bad or annoying things because of their past.

I think Mike and Will are big examples of this. A lot of people hate on Mike, but you've got to remember he's a teenager who's dealt with so much trauma who doesn't know quite how to process his emotions. He always takes accountability after the incidents too. But people act like he's an irredeemable who should be sentenced to medieval execution (exaggeration). This is ignoring the whole internalised homophobia stuff with him by the way since that is not canon currently. Or when people call Will an annoying crybaby who never does anything for the plot when firstly, he is the plot, and secondly, no shit a kid frequently mentioned to be sensitive with an abusive homophobic dad who was kidnapped and possessed when he was barely a teen will cry a lot.

People will extend so much grace to the characters if they're like Steve (because they think they're attractive) but then have zero sympathy for children trying to cope with huge amounts of trauma. Not to mention how people are more willing to extend sympathy to white male characters, but that's for another post.

[plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms]

Nemesis: Retribution (5)

Summary: 10 years after the Avengers had left you for dead during a mission gone wrong, you unexpectedly re-enter their lives. Wholly unrecognizable from the person they used to know and now with a new team behind you, they ask for your help to stop a chain of syndicates who were manufacturing and peddling the super soldier serum. You were determined to say no until the chance at the vengeance you had been chasing for years was added to the offer.

Fandoms: Avengers, Marvel, MCU, The Punisher, Daredevil

Pairings: Female Reader x (Frank Castle, Billy Russo, Matt Murdock, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Pietro Maximoff)

Warnings: EXPLICIT SMUT. SHAMELESS SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR (18+ ONLY. I WILL BLOCK YOU), human rights violations, polyamorous relationships, reverse harem, blatant disregard for canon timelines and events, angst, Punisher canon level of violence and gore, strong language, mentions of trauma, mentions of character death, fluff if you squint,

A/N: Okay okay. I’m finally happy with how this turned out. Goddamn that’s a lot of words. I’ll see you all in the party in the comments and reblogs! I love reading what you think. Don’t be shy. Jump in!

No permission is granted to repost, steal, or translate my work. Not even a credit makes it okay. Tumblr is the only place I post my writing. If you see it anywhere else please report it.

[gif not mine. credit to: this glorious gif post.]

Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

1:5 Lemons

2 missions.

A 50/50 chance of getting Salvacion.

Your heart was pounding in your chest and you were on the verge of getting lightheaded from the anticipation. A decade of chasing this bastard and this was the closest you had ever gotten to him. The man was not only deadly in skill, but always seemed to manage to give you the slip every single time. Forcing yourself to face the life you left was worth it if it meant finally avenging Lily.

The briefings the past week had been long, but they were important to make sure everyone was prepared to end this. You were minutes away now from shipping off to the mission and your whole body was buzzing.

This was it.

There were two locations that you had to hit at the same time. Two locations with large shipments that you had to stop from reaching its destination. The teams needed to be split.

"Let's go over this one more time," Steve started, fully suited up in black that was truly a far cry from his old blue and red ensemble. "I'll be leading a team into the shipment yards with Bucky and Nem at the front. Sam will be on air support. Billy will manage a team of snipers in the surrounding area."

This was the smaller of locations, but with the larger shipment. The location itself entailed a more strategic approach. You weren't happy that there was a chance that Salvacion would be at the other location, but having Frank on that team put you somewhat at ease. He understood more than anyone how important this was to you and he promised he would take Salvacion alive. He was yours to kill.

Frank always kept his promises.

"I'll be leading the other team into the industrial district," Frank continued, his signature vest strapped tight across his chest. "Pietro and Matt will cover the perimeter and I'll be charging in with Nat and Wanda."

Their location was more complicated. It was too close to the residential district and the warehouses there ran 24/7. There was a high risk of civilian casualty if they weren't careful which was why almost everyone who was powered was assigned to that group. They needed every capability they could pull to make sure no innocent blood was spilled.

"Good," Steve nodded. "We'll both have a group of agents with us too. They've been briefed and are prepping transport as we speak. We leave in 20 minutes."

Everyone nodded their understanding, grabbing their gear and heading down to the transport docks. There was a fleet of cars standing by that would be used, gassed up and ready to go. Your hands were drumming repeatedly on your vest, itching to just get on the road. Frank and Matt lingered with you before they joined the rest of their group.

The towering marine stepped up close to you and tightened the buckles of your bulletproof vest, wishing you would have accepted the offer of better gear from the Avengers but also knowing it was hypocritical of him when he declined as well.

It just wasn't your style.

It was his own damn fault for training you in his own combat style. He had no doubt of your capability, but still he worried about you. He always worried about you and he felt a sense of responsibility toward you after finding you tortured within an inch of your life.

"Stay close to Steve, sweetheart."

You snorted, but a glance back at Steve who was already looking at you with a raised eyebrow made you grumble and relent. "Fine."

"Good girl," Frank chuckled, before leaning in to press a firm kiss on your lips as he held you by the buckles of your vest. You smiled into the kiss, feeling the steady protection and reassurance that he always brings.

He stepped away for Matt to get his turn. This was a tradition that just developed naturally between the four of you. A kiss before danger. A promise to keep safe. A promise to come home.

Matt took your face in both hands and kissed the breath out of you as if he was trying to outdo Frank. It wasn't uncommon. He was always more aggressive with his affections, always as if he was scared you might suddenly slip away from his life and you were happy to reassure him every time that you weren't going anywhere. He chuckled when you bit his lip, beating him to it. He gave you one more peck before stepping aside.

Billy came closer to your side and slung his arm around your shoulders, chuckling as he nuzzled his nose against the side of your face. It was amusing him to no end at how easily you were folding for Steve. It was a nice change of pace from the three of them never being able to deny you anything.

Most especially Billy.

"We're definitely keeping Steve around. I think I like you compliant," he snickered, turning your head toward him with a finger under your chin. He planted a quick chaste peck on your lips. Your eyebrows quirked at the unusual behavior.

"What you're not gonna try to outdo me too?" Frank teased.

"Nem knows I do my best kissing elsewhere. Don't you, pretty girl?" Billy winked at you and you rolled your eyes. You smacked him in the chest but didn’t comment further. He wasn't wrong, but he was smug enough as it is.

You were about to turn toward the cars when you were knocked back slightly to the side by a sudden peck to your cheek. You couldn't stop the laugh when you caught Pietro's grin before he vanished again, a subtle warmth spreading in your chest. You were still smiling when you took your seat beside Steve who intertwined your hand with his and raised it to his lips, smiling that soft boyish smile against your skin that now made your stomach flip. He didn't let go of your hand throughout the ride, even as he caught Bucky's yearning gaze in the rearview mirror.

You were greeted by an ambush.

Somehow the syndicates knew that you would be coming, setting up a small army as your welcome party. A quick distress call through the comms from Frank confirmed that they were facing the same in their location.

But you couldn't focus on that.

You were too busy tearing through the goons that kept coming at you. Having two super soldiers and Sam in the thick of it with you was a blessing, but even with the other agents and Billy's sniper support you were severely overrun. You would just have to trust that the other team can handle their own.

You emptied the clips of your pistols as you trudged your way deeper into the fray, not bothering to duck or take cover from the onslaught of angry men. You tossed your empty guns to the side and drew out another, catching a few bullets in your vest.

No time to reload.

"I got you, Hedwig. Give 'em hell," Billy said in your ear.

The deadly smirk on your lips was the only warning the men in front of you got. You charged again as the adrenaline coursed through your body, bullets flying precisely into their skulls.

One. Two. Three. Four men down.

When your bullets ran out, you dropped the gun and pulled out two daggers. Your eyes narrowed as you took off into a sprint toward the closest target, weaving effortlessly through the oncoming fire.

A slice to the forearm to disarm.

A dagger up the chin.

Dead.

He dropped to the ground spluttering on his blood as you took the other dagger and sent it flying toward another's chest.

Dead.

Rough muscular arms caught you by surprise and gripped you from behind, caging you as you struggled. You saw the gun in his hand and reacted.

Break the wrist to disarm.

You smirked at the loud pop of his bones. You grabbed the gun before it dropped to the ground as you slipped a knife from your vest. The pain in his wrist caused him to loosen his hold on you, allowing you to turn to face him.

Blade to the gut.

Bullet to the face. Point blank.

Dead.

You didn't even flinch when his blood splattered across your face, joining the explosion of red already painting your figure. You could make out two more in your peripheral who dropped to the ground before they could advance on you, care of your guardian angel with a sniper rifle.

"Thank you, Blackbird," you said sweetly.

"Goddamn, doll," Bucky said, Steve stood beside him mirroring the same look of equal awe and fear.

This was the first time they had seen you in action. Hearsay and that little demo with Kim did nothing to prepare them for the sheer brutality you had when given the clear purpose to kill. You didn't hesitate. You didn't waste time. You didn't care that you were drenched in blood. You had a goal and you were going to meet it every time with ruthless violence.

This was who you were now.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" Steve came up to you looking worried after seeing you charging headlong at open gunfire.

He didn't like it. At least he had a shield. Skilled as you were, he didn't like that you were running every mission like you had a death wish. There was so much blood on you that it was difficult for him to tell if any of it was yours.

"None of the blood is mine," you dismissed, wiping your face with what was the only clean part of your sleeve. "Let's go. I hear more up ahead and Sam said that's where the shipment is."

Rounding the corner, you were faced with another cluster of goons with weapons aimed at your small group. They stood a good distance away in front of two shipping containers that were being readied for transport. Sam landed beside you along with a group of agents. Bucky pushed you behind him and Steve raised his shield to cover you both. Billy chirped in the comms that the snipers had repositioned and were ready. All of that barely registered with you, white noise against the rage that was brewing, because behind enemy lines was the goal you've been chasing for a decade.

Salvacion.

"I have to say," he drawled. His voice, the first you're hearing of now, sending a chill down your spine. "I expected more from the Avengers. You didn't even bring Iron Man. I'm disappointed."

"Give up the serum," Steve growled.

"No. I don't think I will," he answered. "Kill them all."

All hell broke loose once more; fists, bullets, knives, and a shield flying in every direction. Bucky and Steve kept close to you, shielding you from most of the shots as you advanced. You gunned down every bastard you saw but your eyes never strayed from Salvacion who was just standing there watching the clash.

Taunting you.

Something nagged at the back of your head as you fought. It was unusual for the syndicates to be deploying this many people to a single location even if it was for the serum. While you were thanking every god you knew for luckily drawing Salvacion on this mission, his presence was also peculiar. Something else was going on.

Something else was here.

The syndicates were pushing back on your team hard, but you were making a dent in their numbers. When you saw Salvacion start walking away, that was when you felt the panic stir in your mind.

"I can't let him get away, Steve!"

You ignored his and Bucky's calls for you as you made a mad dash straight through the fight, efficiently shooting and stabbing anyone who dared get in your path. You were consumed with the purpose of reaching him, of finally being able to end it all.

You left the larger fight behind you in favor of this more personal one, the noise receding as you chased him farther. You caught a glimpse of him making his way up stacked containers and you sped up your run. You didn't even think twice about climbing the height. Nevermind potential broken bones. Nevermind getting cornered. Nevermind that you had no backup.

Salvacion would die today.

When you reached the top, you were surprised to see him standing there waiting for you but also that he wasn't alone. You raised your gun to match the one he was aiming at you, but he merely tutted and smirked. His other hand also had a gun, this one aimed up the chin of the person he was holding captive in front of him.

Kim.

The amount of irritation this woman was bringing into your life was starting to get on your nerves. She was delegated on your team for this mission and you stifled the aggravated groan as you noticed that she was bleeding heavily from both shoulders causing her to not be able to fight back.

Top agent my ass.

"Hello, Nemesis," Salvacion grinned at you. "Or should I call you Y/N? Much more personal given our history, don't you think?"

Your name on his lips caused a wave of nausea and a sneer to grace your lips. You raised your gun higher, narrowing your eyes as his own pressed harder against Kim's skin. It wasn't an idle threat.

"Nice of you to show up for once. Was beginning to think you were avoiding me."

"Come now. Don't you enjoy our little game of cat and mouse?"

A game.

This was all a game to him and the malevolent smile on his face confirmed that. The fury in you burned, almost making you physically shake. Killing Lily was nothing to him while it had completely consumed your life. It had become your driving force while to him you were merely entertainment.

"You're going to let me go," he declared, fully confident.

"Is that so?"

"Yes," he dragged out. "Or else your teammate here will die."

"What makes you think I give a shit?" you scoffed. "Go ahead."

The way Kim's eyes widened in terror brought a sick sense of pleasure in you that you shouldn't be proud of. Salvacion let out a low laugh, amusement clear in his tone.

"Oh, dear child. No matter how much spite you wrap yourself with, you are the same naive hero wannabe you always were," he snickered. "Self-sacrificing. Even at the expense of your sister."

"You don't talk about Lily, you bastard!" you screamed, your grip shaking slightly on your weapon.

All of a sudden it was hard to breathe and your heartbeat was hammering in your ears. You didn't expect that finally facing him, hearing him talk about Lily like she was inconsequential, would shake you to your core. This was what you have been waiting for. This was what you have been building up to for the past decade. This was your purpose for living.

What were you waiting for?

"I am feeling generous today. Consider it my gift to commemorate our first official meeting," he said.

"What the fuck are you on?" you growled.

"Open the containers," he smiled. "See you soon, Y/N."

He abruptly tossed Kim to the side, pushing her off the ledge of the containers you were on and bolted away with a mad cackle. You shot at his retreating figure, desperately trying to aim through the turbulent emotions he inspired in you. You were going to chase after him when a yelp of pain caught your attention.

Kim was hanging by one hand off the edge, obviously struggling to hold herself up with her busted shoulders. You were too high up for her to survive the fall and she was too injured to help herself. Her grip was slipping.

"Y/N! Help me please!"

A dark shadow passed through your features. Saving her would mean Salvacion would definitely escape. Again. You didn't know if you would ever get another chance at him or when that would be.

You didn't like this woman. You never did. She tormented your youth, took joy in it even and as you reunited nothing changed. She was the same egotistic bully she always was. This was a dangerous mission. People die in the line of fire.

It happens. No one would blame you.

"Please!"

"Fuck!"

You dropped your weapon and clasped both hands on hers to pull her up. You strained with the effort, Kim being a deadweight adding to the struggle. You let go when half her body was safely on top, her legs swinging up to roll herself flat onto the surface. She was crying and whimpering from the fear and pain. You couldn't help the anger that bubbled to the surface.

You slapped her face.

"Get your goddamn shit together," you roared at her. "I don't have time for this. Call for evac, princess."

You ran toward the sound of helicopter blades, jumping onto crates and jolting your bones at the impact. You didn't care. The renewed rage had steadied you, calmed you almost to the point that the only thing you could see in your mind was taking him out. You had faltered and you would beat yourself up about that later, but you couldn't let him slip away again.

The helicopter was already starting to take off, Salvacion clearly visible through the open door. You cocked your gun and fired away. Empty. You slipped another gun out and fired. Empty. You kept running toward him, drawing and firing every last bullet you had as you screamed your frustration with every shot that missed.

You noticed that you managed to get a few through him by the way his body jerked. You were feeling optimistic until he reached around and pulled out a rocket launcher. You saw the sinister grin before he fired.

"Nem!" You heard your name being called, but you were too stunned by the horrible realization that you had failed today. You watched the helicopter slowly make it's way farther and farther behind the rocket that was hurtling toward you.

Even if you ran, the area of impact would still tear right through you. You were frozen in place, unable to process that this was how it would end. That it would end in you dying by his hand as well. That it would end without you making it up to Lily.

Your internal struggle was interrupted by a large body completely engulfing yours. The impact of the rocket threw you both to the ground and the loud explosion accompanied by ripping metal deafened your ears.

You struggled with your vision, the ringing in your head was painful and your body sore from crashing down. Oddly, your skull itself didn't feel injured. All of the pain seemed to be concentrated on your torso. You blinked a few times to focus the blur of your eyes as the repeated chanting of your name became louder.

"Are you okay, doll? Answer me, Nem! Come on."

"Bucky?"

Your sight finally focused to find that it was the brunette super soldier on top of you, covering you from what would have certainly been your death. The dread on his face gave way to a tired relief at you finally responding.

He pressed his forehead to yours and closed his eyes, taking deep steadying breaths. You noticed now that he was wincing and that his flesh arm was underneath you, supporting your back and cradling your head. His metal arm was detached, a mangled mess of forcibly severed wires and metal plates sticking out from his shoulder. Your eyes widened in realization.

"Bucky, your arm," you started to struggle underneath him, knowing he must be in a world of pain.

He shushed you by rubbing the tip of his nose against yours. Your eyes met icy blue ones and you saw him smile weakly, as if telling you it was worth it. He wouldn't hesitate to catch a missile with his arm again if it meant protecting you.

The rest of the boys reached you shortly after, Sam took Bucky and informed you that evac and medics were here. You were still in shock from what just happened. Billy took you gingerly in his arms, endlessly fussing at you and apologizing for not being able to do more even if you understood it was impossible for him to have tracked you through the chaos. Steve stood to the side, obviously furious at himself for not going to you even if you understood it was only right that he led the main fight.

Your body felt like it had gone through a war and you were too emotionally distressed to address anything else. You felt defeated. You felt at a loss. You failed Lily again today. Suddenly, you remembered what he told you.

His gift.

"Steve, Salvacion told me to open the shipments. He said it was a gift from him."

You didn't wait for them to respond, dragging your battered body limping across the yard to the crates. Billy recovered first, quickly jogging up to support your battered body straight with his. Steve followed closely behind, the uneasiness clouding the three of you. The locks were easily broken by Steve's shield and soon your gift was revealed.

What you saw drained the blood from all of you and caused your skin to immediately chill. It was the most sickening thing any of you have ever seen in your lives and that was saying something. How anyone could do this was beyond comprehension.

People. Dozens of people.

Crammed inside the steel box were dozens of people in various states of distress. All of them had barely any life left in them, barely sustained by the various IV bags hooked on their bodies. They hardly reacted when the doors were opened, too spent by what they had been made to go through to even blink. You suspected that a good portion of those who were not moving at all were dead. The smell was horrendous and this was coming from people who were about to be shipped to god knows where.

The horror you felt heightened to epic levels when you noticed that some of the drip bags held a different colored fluid, the distinct color of the super soldier serum. Then it clicked and the nausea finally overcame you. You poured your guts out onto the pavement, your stomach heaving violently as the truth made your vision spin.

Human testing.

Human experimentation.

And you had let the bastard escape.

Steve was going to approach you, clueless as he was on how to help you at that moment, but you had scrambled out of reach and ran out of the shipment yard. He called after you readying himself to go to you, but Billy's grip on his forearm stilled him.

"We're not who she needs right now, Cap," Billy shook his head. "Right now these people need us more."

"Where's she going?" Steve asked, swallowing hard on the lump in his throat and reluctantly agreeing.

"She'll be fine. Matt will find her."

Matt found you hours later. He had returned badly beaten and bruised from their own mission, but upon receiving word from Billy he pushed aside every painful injury he felt and rushed to where he knew he would find you. His chest tightened when he was told what you had seen. It was bad enough that you were carrying the guilt of your sister's death, but now you had the weight of all the lives that were victimized by these sick people too. It was too much for one person to bear.

He found you in the confession booth of the church on the corner of a quiet street and he couldn't see the broken look on your face when he opened the door, but he could feel it. He heard it in your unusually slow heartbeat, as if your organs were trying to give up. He heard it in the shallow breaths you took, as if the act of living was a betrayal in itself. He heard it in the cry that was begging to break through you throat. He could almost taste your despair.

He slowly knelt in front of you and pulled you urgently into his arms, squeezing himself into the tight space. He held you against him, clutching you tight and rocking you gently back and forth. This was an open secret shared between the two of you. When the darkness was overwhelming, you turned to each other and confessed. He pulled away after a long moment, cradling your face firmly in his palms. His thumbs brushed against your dry cheeks. Of course you hadn't been crying.

There were no more left to shed.

"Talk to me," he muttered, pressing his lips softly against yours.

"He experimented on a lot of people," you muttered. "And I let him go, Matty. I've been letting him carry on for ten years."

Your tone was almost a hoarse whisper, devoid of much emotion apart from a cold defeat. This worried him, but at least you were talking. You had known when you were being tortured that they Hydra hadn't perfected the serum. They kept torturing you in the hopes that they could get you to reveal anything about the formula, Steve and Bucky's abilities, or where samples of their blood were stored. You didn't talk.

Maybe you should have talked.

When the syndicates got their hands on the incomplete formula, they were faced with the same problem. A problem they apparently decided to solve by trial and error on actual people. You knew this. At the back of your mind you knew this, but it didn't register until you saw it for yourself tonight. Somehow you had ignored that fact because you had only been focused on your own grief.

"I let him go. I did this, Matty," you breathed, the guilt clear in your voice.

"No! You did not let him go. The bastard got away," he insisted. "And this is not your fault. I won’t let you think that this is your fault."

"No," you argued weakly. "I let him go. I had a shot at stopping him tonight and I didn't take it."

"Steve told me. You stopped to save Kim." The movement of his thumbs on your cheeks changed to soothing circles. "You stopped to save a teammate. That was a good thing."

You scoffed. "I wanted her to die."

"What?"

"For a solid moment as she was hanging on for her life, I wanted to let her die."

"She's alive now because of you, Nem. You fought it. You're strong. You didn't give into it."

"But what if that's what I need to do? If I did I could have ended Salvacion tonight."

You could have ended it all tonight.

Salvacion's words tonight plagued you. if you didn't try to play the hero then this whole twisted operation could have been stopped. If you didn't try to play the hero then you would have gotten your revenge for Lily. If you didn't play the hero then Lily wouldn't even be dead. You had wanted to save people so much, make a difference in the world, that you didn't stop and think about how that would impact the people you held most dear.

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?" Matt asked cautiously, he knew more than anyone the struggle you faced. All of you were just a bad day away from completely snapping.

"I don't know," you admitted in defeat. You sounded so tired and confused that it broke his heart.

He held you for a moment more, waiting for your heart and breathing to return to normal. He didn't know what else to do or what else to tell you. He didn't know how to help you this time. Just then, he sensed the arrival of a Maximoff twin.

"Pietro's outside. I'll ask him to take you away for a while," he shook his head when he felt you were about to protest. "You need a break and you need some peace."

He led you outside, his pace slower than normal as your shoulders slumped lower to the ground in resignation. He exchanged a few words with Pietro before he pressed a kiss to your temple and pushed you toward the other man.

"Come with me, little star. I'll take care of you."

The next thing you knew, Pietro had lifted you into his arms and asked you to close your eyes. You buried your face into his neck as you felt the world around you dissolve in a blur, your hair whipped around but you weren't scared. The steady grip he had on you assured you that you would be safe. When he told you to open your eyes, you had no idea where you were or how long you had been traveling.

"Where are we?"

He gently set you on your feet as you looked around the area. It was beautiful. A dense lush forest that opened up to a lake with a small cabin. Isolated. Quiet.

Peaceful.

Immediately you felt your body relax in the new environment. It was so far removed from anything and everything that it allowed you to let go of the tight hold you had on your life. It allowed you to let go of the rage for a moment.

"Sokovia," he answered. "This is mine. When Wanda and I were little, even before the enhancements, our connection was strong and can be overwhelming. I needed a place that was only my own."

"Wanda doesn't know about this?"

"No, it is the only secret I have ever kept from her. I've never brought anyone else here."

Turning to him, you could see the shy smile on his face. There was a reluctance there, as if he was nervous that his little hideaway would not be good enough for you. You were quick to shoot that thought down.

"It's beautiful, Pietro. Thank you for sharing this with me."

His smile brightened as he approached you and held both your hands in his. "We can stay for as long as you want to. I can go into town and get us more supplies. We can swim in the lake if you like and I can cook you paprikash. You'll love it."

He was so excited. So happy to be able to spend time with you. Elated to be able to share this sentimental place with someone else, but he saw the sadness in your eyes and it made him force himself to slow down. The smile on his face dimmed.

"Do you want to go somewhere else? I can take you anywhere you like."

The heartbreak and disappointment in his voice alerted you. You hurriedly wound your arms around his shoulders and forced his eyes to meet yours. You recognized the way he looked at you, but it was only now that you really noticed that he has always looked at you that way. He was so pure. So honest. So good.

He was too good for you.

"No, Pietro. This is perfect. You're perfect." You tried to smile up at him. "I don't deserve you."

Just like that he understood you. He drew you closer by the waist and pressed a soft kiss at the corner of your mouth. When he drew back, his smile lit up his face again.

"Why do you need to deserve me, little star?" he chuckled at the puzzled look on your face, finding it adorable. "Can I not just choose to love you?"

You frowned and he just laughed more. He shushed your protests by pulling you flush against his body, lowering his head to hover his lips mere inches from yours. He left this small distance as your choice to make just as he has made his.

"Let me choose to love you."

You could feel his breath on your face at this distance, see the sparkle of anticipation in his eyes, and his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

You made your choice.

Kissing Pietro has to be the most comforting experience that you had ever felt. He tasted like hot chocolate on a rainy day and you felt your body melt when he returned the gesture. You were sighing against his lips when the now familiar feeling of him dashing turned it into a surprised squeal. You blinked and you were lying down on a soft mattress with Pietro grinning down at you.

You laughed as you shared more kisses, hands giddily exploring each other and tearing away pieces of clothing until nothing lay between you. For the first time in a long time, you felt insecure about your scars. For the first time, you were reluctant for someone to see them. Again, just like that he understood you.

"You're beautiful, little star. You have always been beautiful to me."

He kissed you again, deeply and full of emotion that you melted into the bed. His lips traveled down your neck, your chest, your stomach. He stopped to nip and suck at the inside of your thighs causing you to involuntarily moan his name. Lower he went until his mouth was working gentle swirls on your sensitive bud. Your hips grinded against his tongue, desperately seeking more.

He pressed his mouth fully on you then, adding a finger much to your delight. He ate you like he worshipped you. Like he was blessed with the opportunity to bring you pleasure. Your body sang his praises, reacting with equal enthusiasm by soon reaching your orgasm. You shook beneath him as he allowed you to ride out your high, soothing you with gentle hands rubbing circles on your hips. He was smirking at you when he crawled up, satisfied that he had made you cum but clearly aiming for more.

He kissed you again as he lined himself up against your core, sliding it against your slit to coat it with your slick. He wasn't even inside you yet and you already felt like you were ready to cum. He held your gaze, silently asking for permission that this was still what you wanted. Instead of answering, you moved your hips to slip his length inside causing him to drag out a hiss and capture your mouth again. The groan you both let out when he bottomed out vibrated through your fused lips.

"You feel incredible," he whispered. "You feel so good wrapped around me. Just like I always thought you would."

"Pietro, please."

His strokes were slow and deep, hitting that special spot inside you that had you panting with want. The smooth roll of his hips was quickly driving you higher and higher toward another orgasm. It was so gentle. So sensual. So personal.

"Tell me what you want, little star."

Everything about Pietro's life had been one big event after another. Rushed decisions. Angry fighting. Missions. Even his very enhancement relied on speed.

He didn't want that with you.

With you he wanted to slow everything down. He wanted to savor every moment. He wanted to stop time if he could, keep you in his arms for as long as possible. Freeze you in this exact moment when all you felt was pleasure.

"More," you pleaded.

Maybe he could speed up just a little bit.

His strokes gradually hastened and he glowed with satisfaction at seeing you delirious with desire because of him. He palmed at your breasts, nipped at your neck, and bucked his hips just a bit harder.

"More."

He smiled. How could he deny you? He lifted you up until you were seated on him, holding you firmly with an arm up your back with his hand fisting in your hair. The other hand he slipped between the two of you to rub against your clit. You saw the wicked glint in his eyes before he dipped his head to lave at your breasts.

You felt like you were going to explode from the different sensations. That was until he decided to move your body to bounce on his cock, his own hips thrusting up to meet you and his hand on your back guiding you to wind your hips as you came down. Your clit hit his pelvis each time and another wave was added onto your building climax. You whined, moaned, and pleaded his name. Begging him to grant you release.

“Let go for me. I have you. Let go.“

He growled against your breast and pounded up into you until you screamed and shook above him, clenching him so hard you pulled his own orgasm out of him. He spilled into you, crushing you against him as you continued to flutter around him.

You fought to catch your breath and when you caught each other's eyes, still hazy from lust, you laughed. You felt free. You felt renewed. You kissed him then.

"I love you too, Pietro."

He looked at you with unrestrained adoration. He had been chasing after you for so long that he could hardly believe that he had finally caught you. That he was finally yours.

"What? You didn't see that coming?" you teased.

He chuckled and pulled you in for another lingering kiss. You felt so good in his arms that he has completely forgotten how it felt to not have you in them.

"I meant what I said earlier," he murmured against the skin of your shoulder. "If you want to we can runaway. I can take you away from all of this. We can stay here or we can go anywhere else."

He smiled warmly at you and pecked your lips when he saw the internal conflict flash through your features. Again, without a word he understood you.

"But I know that is not what you want," he reassured you. "I just wanted you to know that you have that choice if you should want it."

Tempting as his offer was, you knew you couldn't let go of Lily's memory. You would never truly be at peace until Salvacion was rotting six feet under and his whole operation was blown to bits. You couldn't leave your mission unfinished. And you couldn't bear to leave four other men behind. Looking back at the events of the past night, it felt more accurate to say five. Still, there was a sense of security from knowing you had that option.

"Let's go home."

------------------------------------------------

A/N: Okay let’s take a vote. Should we forgive Bucky now?

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[longlivefanfic-net]

i do not ship harringrove IN THE SLIGHTEST. stommy & stonathan r just kinda funny to me,but steddie has my heart. buttt the thing is,all these guys have deffo played a huge part in steve figuring out that he’s into guys. maybe at one point,he found himself looking at jonathan a little too long. or when tommy was with carol,and he’d try to make some sort of “bros over hoes” type comment so he could spend more time with him. or when billy got a little too close under the pretense +

oh. OH. I am so glad someone is giving me the opportunity to go on my long winded rant about how Jonathan was actually Steve's gay awakening, like canonically, because trust me I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS.

In s1, when Steve picks up the nail bat that becomes his signature--who was holding it only seconds before? And who does he use it to rescue from the demogorgon? Jonathan fuckin' Byers. I think it's so important that Jonathan can't protect himself and when Steve does it for him--not protecting Nancy, but protecting his supposed rival for her affections--it becomes one of his defining characteristics for the rest of the show.

In s2, when Murray is talking to Nancy and Jonathan he says "you've got the important shit: shared trauma!" The night before, Nancy and Jonathan had admired their matching demogorgon-summoning scars. Steve doesn't have a scar but he was there too--he has that same shared trauma. We already know how it affected the way he feels about Nancy; I think it's reasonable to assume it gave him some pretty strong Emotions (TM) about Jonathan too.

In s4, when Steve and Nancy are talking and he says "you gave my head the biggest thump of its life." Yeah, you know who actually gave his head that thump while he beat Steve's ass (starting the trend of Steve Harrington Can't Win a Fight)? Jonathan. Fucking. Byers.

Steve is wildly obsessed with him, too. It's more than just "he's the weird kid," it's more than just "he's my girlfriend's guy best friend," it's this whole additional layer of masculinity and pretenses and wanting to be tough but also being gentle (I know Steve paid for that camera Nancy gave Jonathan for Christmas, I just know it) that is just...so queer coded.

Some day, far in the future, Steve Harrington is going to sit straight up in bed, drenched in a cold sweat, and rub his hands down his face while he goes "did I have a crush on Jonathan?!" And then Eddie will sit up in bed next to him and simply say "Yes, sweetheart, now go back to sleep."

I don't even ship Stonathan, honestly--I think they would be a wildly poorly matched pair, their respective weirdnesses don't compliment each other like Steddie imo--but, like, the Duffer brothers have so aggressively bisexual coded Steve with the Steve/Nancy/Jonathan love triangle. I also personally love the Jonathan is transmasc HC and I could so easily see s1 Steve explaining his feelings for Jonathan away by misgendering him, trying to rationalize that he's "still straight," whereas by the end of s4 Steve is like, yep, Jonathan was the first boy I had a crush on.

Anyway. This is almost definitely NOT what you were hoping for when u sent this ask in so. please feel free to send more/other stuff and I'll try to write for it.

[mimsyaf]

Our CK fandom, season 4, and love

At some point I’ll collect my thoughts enough to write about Season 4 more thoroughly. I haven’t even watched it all yet, am up to episode 7. To me Season 4 feels slight, and off-kilter, and slapdash, and loving, with some great moments, and some really bafflingly wrongheaded choices.

It doesn’t feel wrongheaded in a slick, soulless Marvel way, it actually feels deeply personal to the 3 main writers. I just happen to disagree with them about some… stuff. Daniel. Most of Daniel’s arc. And other stuff too. And also they tried to cram waaaay much too much in. Someone wrote that it feels hollow, and I agree.

Then there are some wondrous surprises, like just how great Terry Silver is in every moment, Tory’s storyline so far, and the fact that I have come to be very interested in Robby as a character, and care about him deeply.

But I’m not really writing about Season 4 here. I do have major problems with it (that will be very fun to write about! both critically and in terms of fic-it fics!) but I also feel the love the writers have for the characters (even if I really disagree with them on characterization!) and for the fandom, including the queer parts of fandom. It means a lot to me, that affection, those nods to us. YMMV and that’s totally fine.

The main thing I wanted to write about was YOU. My beloved fandom. Our little corner of fandom, the one that treats even KK3 as a sacred text, mines it for nuance and meaning!! This Tumblr Speakers Corner where we get on soapboxes and yell about toxic versus restorative masculinity (and occasionally Ralph Macchio’s delicate wrists and Billy Zabka’s amazing CENSORED).

I don’t need Season 4 to be that good. Because I know YOU will spin old straw into gold for me. You’ll pull out nuanced moments in beautifully colored gifsets. You’ll write fic or meta that will have me staring at my phone with my mouth open, tears springing up in my eyes, awestruck. Or giggling wildly to myself. You’ll draw the artwork that will set me to dreaming.

In season 4 they wrote a scene for Laura Lawrence that was so generic, unexamined, and shallow that I wanted to yell at my tv. Meanwhile, YOU’VE given me words about Laura that have changed forever how I view motherhood. One of you wrote words for Laura to say to Johnny upon him coming out to her that went far towards healing my mother’s rejection of my queerness. Your fic did that.

Everything about Sid has always struck me as either a misguided inside joke or inwardly directed antisemitism. And then one of you wrote an exploration of him as a character, his Jewishness, his relationship to Johnny, the country club, LA society, that was more thoughtful and thought-provoking and surprising and moving than most short stories I’ve read in the New Yorker.

Through this slog of year 2 of the pandemic, you’ve spun the most incredible castles in the air, made me think about girlhood, about queerness, about being trans or NB, bodies in sports, bodies in violence, fathers- teachers- wounds-, MEN (sooooo much about men), love between men (all kinds of love between men), martial arts, kink as a way of processing trauma, kink as an awesome fun thing to do, cars, the US’s shameful history of imperialism and oppression of Asian populations at home and abroad, Coor’s Banquet, soldiers, road trips, class in America (where we pretend it doesn’t exist), how Bobby Brown Can Get It, terminal illness, cultural appropriation, chokeholds, neurodiversity, ghosts, Elderly Homicidal Veterans Should Kiss, binary brothers, OG Cobras, stigmas around homelessness, and expired orange juice.

You took some mostly good, somewhat flawed. source material, and you’ve transformed it into a dreamscape. And I love you for it. My eyes are closing on their own right now, so I don’t have time to say that you for sharing this ride on the CK rollercoaster.

Man I hope this makes any sense at all.