#Love you mentally ill gay girl with so much to prove to the world and impossibly high standards only for yourself

[aingeal98]

Cass's death wish is so interesting and I feel like in some ways it sets her apart from the family even after she's gotten over the worst of it. I'm half asleep so idk how much sense this will make but with every other batfam character there are heavy themes and topics to explore, what is the batfam if not grief persevering or whatever but like. You can also have goofy fun content of them. You can have lighter stories for different audiences. DC pushed the grimdark batman for years now but the 1960s batman and robin tv show is proof that dark themes aren't an essential part of a batman story.

And while Cass can work along the same lines it would take a whole lot of shuffling around the dark topics . Like you want Cass in a kids show you're going to need to downplay her backstory and tone down how dark her headspace and self worth issues can get. Even when she no longer wants to die that death wish has been with her since she was a child, it shaped her for years. If you seperate her from that by pretending it never existed you have so much less to work with it's like taking Dick from the circus or Tim from his "Batman needs a Robin" theme. It can be done! But it's interesting to me to think about just how much needs to be lost in the process.

Like obviously Cass is more than just her suicidal tendencies and this is not so much anything to do with "Cass doesn't work in light content" because hello wfa exists. But more me ruminating on how much like her childhood with David Cain and her aphasia the deep depression she suffered seems to me like such a core part of her characterisation. She spent 10+ years of her childhood wishing she was dead like that shapes everything even after she starts healing.

All this to say I love Cass so much and we need a thousand more hurt/comfort fics diving into all the issues she has. She's a fanfic writers dream she's just not a white boy so it's down to like 20 of us to enjoy the feast we've been given.

[sapphos-darlings]

Is it true that lesbian couples are the most likely to get divorced? If yes, then why?

You know - when I first ran into this claim, I was 17. Gay marriage wasn’t a thing back then, yet a girl close to me had just entered a relationship with another girl, and they were both despairing over the way they felt their relationship was doomed from the beginning because of this rumour that lesbian relationships don’t last. They were trying their hardest to find older lesbians in long-term relationships to convince them that they, too, could last. I don’t know if they ever found any.

Now, for the question itself. Before we go into it any deeper, let’s face up with two facts: firstly, and most importantly, depending on your location two women have been able to marry anywhere from never to a couple years at best. The very first country to allow marriage between same-sex partners was the Netherlands in 2001. Here’s a timeline to illustrate:

This is a remarkably minimal timeline to be working analytics from. Especially universally. This is not every country in the world. In fact, it is at best a tiny fraction of all countries of the world. Which leads us to the next point we must observe,

we don’t have this kind of statistics. There is no way to compare homosexual divorce rate with heterosexual divorce rates objectively, because heterosexual marriage has existed pretty much throughout the history of civilization, whereas homosexual marriage started 19 years ago. Similarly, it is impossible to objectively compare divorce and marriage length between gay, lesbian and straight couples simply due to the effect of cultural factors, especially in terms of homophobia and oppression faced by gay and lesbian couples in comparison to straight couples, and the differences in the kinds of struggles and pressures that gay and lesbian couples face in comparison with each other.

So, it might be impossible to answer your question with the data we have, due to the nonexistent history from which to measure from, and because in order to examine divorce in same-sex relationships in general, I feel that we absolutely should take into account the environments and conditions these marriages happened, and only compare them amongst marriages in similar environments and conditions, especially culturally speaking. This just isn’t possible.

Now, for the actual answer?

Shortly put, the studies we have right now say yes. Same-sex marriages between two women have about twice the divorce rate from marriages between two men, and range from about the same divorce rate as heterosexual marriages to having a higher divorce rate than heterosexual marriages depending on the study and country in question.

In a study conducted in Denmark, the divorce rate for lesbian couples over a decade was 30%, against 18% for opposite-sex couples and 15% for gay couples. This is the longest term study I can find.

Let’s look into the why.

First, it’s important to once more remember that same-sex marriage is a novelty. In every country that has so far legalized gay marriage, it has been a major victory and a huge milestone in the struggle for our rights. To celebrate it, a lot of couples got married. A lot of couples. That involves couples who perhaps shouldn’t have gotten married, and so, you have divorces happening at a faster rate than they normally would if there had been nothing to celebrate. Some evidence points to the very first wave of gay marriages trending towards a longer survival rate than the waves following them, but this first wave would similarly include the couples who had already been together for decades, and for whom marrying was just making official what had already been their lives for years and years before - nothing changed for them. For the following couples, there may well have been some hurry to marry, both out of the sheer joy of being able to do so, and for the fear that it would be taken away.

Secondly, there are multiple other factors straining same-sex couples. Oppression is a very harsh reality in our lives, and oppression leads to difficult life situations, and difficult life situations do not favour marriages and commitment. It is extremely difficult to stay in a stable relationship when nothing else in your life is stable - it’s like building a house on an earthquake.

Some of the cited reasons for divorce by homosexual couples, gay and lesbian, include societal attitudes and family pressures. We don’t need a reminder of how difficult it is to be gay in this world, but it is absolutely crucial to remember when speaking of gay divorce. Marriage may provide the legal status of equality to a gay couple, but it is also just about the equivalent of a visible stamp on your forehead. A lifetime of homophobia, internalized and external, clashes with a homosexual couple marrying. It’s like coming out over and over again, or hiding the biggest of secrets from everyone around you. It’s the realisation you still aren’t equal, you still can’t proudly call your wife your wife without the fear of what’ll follow. It’s the shame and the doubt that has always followed you turning to diamonds under the pressure you feel under scrutiny. It’s the knowledge that now you and your relationship are examples set to everyone who is watching, and they are watching - if you don’t succeed, you will be judged for it. What if your family disowns you for it? What if your relatives don’t even attend your wedding? It is so easy to be ashamed and afraid even of the best thing in your life under the prejudiced observation of everyone and everything around you.

Woman couples suffer both these difficulties together with the added unique oppression of misogyny, and a higher overall rate of trauma, mental illness and addiction. Is it any wonder we have a harder time keeping our marriages stable? Look at it from an objective perspective and it’s impossible to miss that many of us live in a cesspool of horrors.

But it’s not all bad. See that the highest divorce percentage over a ten year period was 30%? That means that 70% of all same-sex marriages between two women survived that decade. 70% of those couples are still together. That’s not just half of them, that’s well over a half. Seven out of ten couples stayed together. Furthermore, homosexual couples overall report higher satisfaction, happiness and intimacy in their relationships than heterosexual couples do. This includes female couples! If you look at those reports and match them with the success rate of marriages over the period of a decade... you could just about read between the lines that the majority of our long-term relationships are stable, happy and committed.

The world may be dealing us its worst, but it hasn’t broken us, and it can’t separate us all, or even the majority of us. Our relationships are strong. The fact that we often hurt and that this hurt and pressure may prove to be too much for some doesn’t mean that we’re doomed to an eternity of loneliness. The very fact that most of our marriages do survive means that we are fighters and we are winning, and that our love is well worth the struggle, and that our fears are conquerable.

Oh, and that couple I knew when I was 17, who were scared that they’d never make it? It’s been 12 years, and they’re still together.

So that’s something, isn’t it?

[spurgie-cousin]

WHW Royals Edition 👑 Part 1: Anne, Queen of Great Britain

Born: February 6th, 1665 at St James's Palace, Westminster, Middlesex, England Died: August 1st, 1714 (age 49) at Kensington Palace, Middlesex Reign: March 8th, 1702 - August 1st, 1714

I thought I’d give you guys a little intro to Anne, Queen of Great Britain as a start for my series on weirdo royals. I got big into her after seeing the Yorgos Lanthimos film The Favourite (can’t recommend enough) and that resulted in endless hours of internet wormholes about her bizarre and interesting life. I’ve read about a lot of fucked up royals in my life (truly there’s many) but it was only when I was reading about Anne that I kind of had an ‘a-ha’ moment about how really drastically the monarchial system can fuck a person up. 

Queen Anne fits this bill for me for a lot of reason; she was a surprise Queen who was woefully underprepared for ruling, which led to people pushing their political agendas on her under the guise of genuine affection. It’s hard to know if the relationships that define her legacy and life in popular culture were genuine, or if they would’ve existed at all had she not been a royal. Her legacy is muddied by the traditional, patriarchal writers of history of course and it sometimes is hard to get a clear picture of who she really was, but here are a few tidbits about her life and rule:

Anne’s signature

1. Queen Anne was born Anne Stuart, daughter of James II and Anne Hyde and raised in the traditional way for aristocratic girls, with an education that emphasized on arts, language, and music. This eventually proved to suck dick for her big time later on in life when she became queen. Traditionally, girls were purposefully taught nothing useful about politics or history because it was assumed they would never rule (cough) and this left Anne very much lacking in the political discourse department as a monarch; all of her future speeches and even remarks made around political figures would have to be scripted by advisors. If she found herself off script and not knowing what to say, it’s said that she’d sometimes “move only her lips and make as if she said something when in truth no words were uttered.”

2. 8 year old Anne first met friend Sarah Jennings (Churchill) when she was a lady in waiting at just 5 years old. As you’ll see later on, Sarah goes on to be one of the (if not the most) influential person in the Queen’s life, becoming a trusted friend and political advisor.

3. Anne was what we would probably refer to today as a ‘hot mess express’. The poor gal had a myriad of health issues, both mentally and physically, all of which only got worse as she aged. She suffered from gout and an undefined auto-immune disorder (we think) as well as a bizarre eye-watering disorder and poor vision. It’s also pretty evident that she didn’t have the best relationship with alcohol or food and most likely developed a binge eating disorder later in her life (she was very large at the time of her death and there are a few accounts of her eating to the point of puking in front of other people).

4. Besides her relationships with Sarah and Abigail Masham, Queen Anne is also known mostly known for the tragic loss of her 17 pregnancies. Of all her births she had only 5 live babies, only one of which survived beyond infancy. Her son William was also afflicted with various illnesses all of his life and died at the age of 11.

Prince William, Anne’s longest surviving child

5. Anne became queen by accident, after her Catholic father was ousted as king by her protestant brother in-law. He and her sister ruled for a short time before dying of pneumonia and smallpox respectively with no heir in place, so Anne, who supported the protestant reformation, was crowned Queen.

6. Over the years Anne and Sarah Churchill became extremely close friends, and most accounts agree that Sarah had an incredible amount of influence over Anne’s political decisions. Sarah is said to have had a more natural affinity for politics, and to have had a completely opposite disposition than Anne. Some think that Sarah may have maintained the relationship only to keep her political control.

7. A lot of people that believe that Anne and Sarah were so close because they were lovers. The pair at one time wrote each other 4 letters a day, that included things like “I had rather live in a cottage with you than reign empress of the world without you,” “Oh come to me as soon as you can that I may cleave myself to you,” one of Queen Anne’s “I can’t go to bed without seeing you… If you knew in what condition you have made me, I am sure you would pity.” I don’t think I necessarily share that opinion, for reasons you’ll see below.

8. Sarah was the only person under Anne that was allowed to speak to her without using a title. The two often used their nicknames for each other: Mrs. Morley (Anne) and Mrs. Freeman (Sarah).

Sarah Churchill, 1702

9. A lot of scholars disagree with the notion that Anne had any gay affairs with anyone, including Sarah, for a few reasons; first because, at the time, it was just apparently normal to act hella gay with your friends, particularly for royals, so excessive touching or writing wouldn’t have raised any alarms. Most historians attribute this to the extreme separation of the sexes, particularly in upper class households. Most people spent 90% of their time exclusively with people of their own gender, so it was a means to have your emotional needs met within the confines of your station. If an aristocrat started ‘friend flirting’ with you, it was also seen as rude to not reciprocate. 

10. A few other reasons Anne was probably not lesbian: she had a pretty good relationship with her husband (Prince George of Denmark), and the 17 pregnancies thing suggests that they weren’t having any problems in the bedroom department. Also, when Anne later became close friends with Sarah’s cousin Abigail, Sarah became jealous and began to spread rumors that the two were gay lovers (more on that below). This rumor probably stuck and carried over into other areas of her life. Or maybe Anne was bi and both things were true, who knows.

Anne circa 1685. All physical descriptions of Anne, especially in her later years, don’t describe her in the most glowing terms, which is insane to think about when I see portraits like this.

11. Anne began to grow distant from Sarah after her husband’s death in 1708, which all sources agree flung the queen into a huge depression. She was said to have sat by and kissed his dead body long after his death. Sarah took a tough love approach to try and snap the queen out of it, which backfired. This was when Anne began to get close to Abigail Masham, which infuriated Sarah.

12. Sarah was so mad at Anne for this that she literally wrote a song about her and Abigail being gay together, printed it out on a pamphlet, and passed it around court Mean Girls-style. The pamphlet read: “When as Queen Anne of great renown / Great Britain’s sceptre swayed / Beside the Church she dearly loved / A dirty chambermaid O Abigail that was her name / She starched and stitched full well / But how she pierced this royal heart / No mortal man can tell However for sweet service done / And causes of great weight / Her royal mistress made her, Oh! / A minister of state Her secretary she was not / Because she could not write / But had the conduct and the care / Of some dark deeds at night.” 

13. Besides Sarah, a lot of people took Anne’s relative political ignorance as an invitation to push their own political agendas. It didn’t help that her reign coincided with a rapid development of a 2 party parliamentary system, as the gap between the protestant Whigs and the Catholic Tories began to widen.

14. One of Anne’s crowning political achievements was the 1707 Act of Union uniting England and Scotland under the banner of Great Britain (she had good ideas sometimes, although it’s hard to tell if they came from her or her many influential advisors). Consequently, she was the first ruler to ever rule over united Great Britain.

15. After a series of pretty horrible strokes, poor Anne died at the age of 49 in August of 1714 with no heirs and without reconciling with Sarah Churchill. To her credit, it’s said that despite her failing health she continued to attend cabinet meetings as often as possible until her death. She is buried beside her husband and children in the Henry VII Chapel on the South Aisle of Westminster Abbey.

[centuriantalevevo]

Draco x Nonbinary Reader

Reader is AMAB, also this contains my headcanons lmao- hella OOC because of that (one of my headcanons, Draco has like.. multiple cousins who are basically on crack /j)

TW: transphobia and enbyphobia, with talk of biphobia. LGBTphobia in general. Misgendering

    5th year is.. Hectic.. Especially for a certain kid, Y/N L/N, who had to deal with a literal pink toad this year. Like.. ew? What made it worse, was they seemed to be the only kid in the school, well Slytherin specifically, that was… Different. Not in the normal, cliche sense, where ‘oh Y/N was drop dead gorgeous but abused by everyone around her, she can sing amazing-’, no. This isn’t your typical x Reader story, Y/N was different in the sense of Identity, Gender, specifically Gender Norms. They seemed to be all alone on this feeling, a feeling of discomfort, a feeling of loneliness despite multiple friends being in the room with them at this moment. They were away from earth, where no words can hurt. Where the erasure cannot get to them.

Oh god did the words hurt.

Oh? What words? You’re about to find out.

    “No, but did you hear some of the bullshit Umbridge was saying?” He asked, he as in the blonde. Draco. Draco Malfoy. “Especially to my cousin-” “You have a cousin?” Pansy asked, “Welcome to the conversation, first time speaking to me?- Yes, you are hella late to the conversation.” Draco groaned, “Now let me get back to the story” “Continue, which cousin? Darla?- Dominic?-” Blaise asked, “No, Jamie..” He responded quickly, “Oh hold on, what did the toad do to Jamie? I swear, if she hURT THAT PRECIOUS CHILD- Gryffindor or not, I love that girl to death” Blaise said quickly, interrupting Draco.

The blonde sighed deeply, “Blaise.. I love you to death but holy shit let me finnish, alright..” He took a breather, Y/N came back from their little world, queuing into the conversation. “Okay, so Umbridge had the AUDACITY to misgender MY COUSIN OVER AND OVER again! Misgendered her, invalidated her, you know that rule about like.. Something distance from the opposite gender? Yeah she’s forcing Jamie, a literal girl, to distance from girls and not guys-” He halted for a second, “No, my bad.. She’s forcing Jamie to stay away from both because she believe that Jamie is gay.. No, Jamie is a whole straight girl..” Draco ranted, “um.. Sorry to interrupt but… Jamie’s a girl? So how was she invalidated?” Y/N asked, tilting their head, Draco’s eyes moved to them, softening some.

    “Oh, you didn’t know? I thought everyone knew. Jamie is trans, she’s a trans girl specifically”

THERE! THERE IT WAS! They weren’t alone now.. There was someone who understood, yet they’d been clueless this whole time.

“I swear I will jack that woman UP” Blaise said lowly and Draco nodded in agreement. “Jamie was CRYING when she came to me, she could barely speak. That poor girl passed out from crying so much. She felt so hurt and the amount of dysphoria she felt was astronomically high.” He sighed, even he wanted to cry. “Like, damn bitch you didn’t have to out yourself as a whole LGBTphobe, you could’ve just stayed quiet and it would cost you nothing yet you chose to mess with a child who is related to the MALFOY family, very smart yes mhmm..” He growled in aggravation “Only merlin knows what she’d do if there was a nonbinary in the school, she’s probably dehumanize them.” He shook his head.

    “I’d commit a hate crime if I’m honest” Dominic said, coming from the stairs of the boys dormitory, “The LGBT had their way for a moment because she hadn’t thought about the gays, bisexuals and lesbians. Well.. the gays and lesbians, I don’t think she thinks Bisexuals exist..” He hummed, “She’s enforced the rule so now Darla can’t be near Daphne, luckily I don’t have a boyfriend.. The one time being single is a good thing.” Dominic dramatically cried.

“I will prove bisexuals exist, damn seems like I gotta stay away from ALL of you, sorry” Draco jokes, but was dead serious at the same time. “Until then, if there are nonbinaries in the school, technically they can by-pass the rules, if they present as masculine one day feminine the next. Or just androgynous to confuse the toad.” Draco then added, “I think I have to stay away from you guys too, shit Bisexuals can’t do ANYTHING” Blaise said, pretending to get up and leave.

So.. the students know of the nonbinary gender…

“Although, no surprise, Snape is always the decent one, along with all the other professors, and respect the trans kids pronouns, I’ve gone into his class to give him something during one of his lessons and heard him deliberately calling out kids that misgendered Jamie, it was amazing. And everyone says Snape is a bad teacher.” Draco says, smiling some at the memory. “Ooo! Speaking of which! While in Umbrdige’s class I think.. A few days ago, Snape actually found out about the incident and told her the fuck off for it-” “Damn, snape really said ‘trans rights are human rights’, go off honestly” Dominic interrupted, Draco nodded “The best look honestly, it was pure bliss watching that.” He responded.

Y/N finally managed to form words. “I.. didn’t know there was a trans person in the school.. A fellow trans person..” They said, mumbling the last part quietly, but Draco, Dominic, and Blaise caught it. “Fellow trans person?” Blaise tilted his head, and Draco glanced knowingly, the last part of their sentence was all he needed. They shook their head quickly, “Nothing” They shrugged, “Just nice to know”

It hurt, to be misgendered everyday, to be fair no one knew they were misgendering the kid. But they were so scared of being erased, discriminated against, that they said nothing. Since 1st year, pretty much.

They stretched some, “I'm gonna head to the library, I need to get studying done for Defense Against the Dark Arts, I’ll talk to you guys later.” They smiled, getting up, and grabbing paper, a quill, ink and their books from their dorm. Speed walking out, though it didn’t take long to hear a second pair of footsteps racing after them. Who the-

    “Hey, Y/N..” Draco trailed of, catching up to them quickly, “What’s up?” They looked at him from the corner of their eye, “There’s something you never told anyone, isn’t there?” He asked. Y/N averted their eyes and shook their head, “Nn… No..?” They sounded unsure, “Is that a statement, or a question because you don’t know?” He asked. He didn’t wanna be rude, but this was the only way he could truly confirm. If there was someone he had been accidentally misgendering, he wanted to stop that quickly.

    “I don’t wanna sound rude, nor put you on the spot.. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but.. What are your pronouns?” he asked, he knew of the nonbinaries, he knew of them.. So it’s fine to tell him, yes? He was basically defending them. They shook their head, not ready yet. “Not ready? That’s fine, I can respect that. You can always tell me, you know that right? I’ll understand. And if not me, then Jamie will.” heHe had sincerity in his voice, Y/N simply nodded. “Noted, thanks Draco..” They smiled and headed to the Library.

    The next day, Defense Against the Dark Arts was boring as ever, all because of Umbridge. But she had a new lesson today, not the normal one though. She had been doing her usual bullying of Jamie, Draco had been on edge and heard about it earlier, fairly quickly too. It was like it was her MISSION to be an LGBTphobic idiot with no life. Jamie had mentioned nonbinaries before she dipped from class, arguing about trans in general with the woman, or.. Monster.. Both terms work. So she was now here, in front of kids, spewing out enbyphobic shit, and not planning on stopping.. Y/N was starting to cry, but tried their best to hold it in.

The first person to notice the distress was Draco, Hermione did too, as she sat behind Y/N but could see them jolting some, “These.. Non-binaries, are less than human. You’re either a boy, or a girl. Everyone agrees, yes? If you are born a girl, you’re a girl. If you’re born a boy, you’re a boy. It’s a mental disorder, and you need to be fixed-” “They’re normal.. They just happen to not feel like a guy or a girl..” Y/N said quietly, “Trans folk are human, they aren’t an it.. That’s incredibly hurtful..” They said, it took all their strength to keep their voice from cracking.

“What was that Mr. L/N?” Umbridge smiled that sweet yet disgusting smile, tilting her head.. No, that smile had more dangerous intent behind that. They flinched. “Is there something you would like to say sir?” She asked, stopping in front of them. “Trans people.. Are people.. Just because you’re too ignorant to learn doesn’t.. M..mean you- b-bring someone down b-beca-use of it..” Their voice started to crack, they hiccuped some. “I’m sorry.. Do you think you have more knowledge than me?” She asked, her tone was dangerous. “Y..yes. Clearly, I’ve d-done my research on this, th-there is science tha-at defends us” They said.

“Detention Mr. L/N.. For talking back to a teacher, when I am giving a lesson you are to listen, you’re too caught up in whatever freak show you tra-” Umbridge was cut off, “Don’t you DARE finish that damn sentence, I can promise you I am not against hitting a teacher and a woman at that.” Draco intervened, “There is a lot of science that backs transgenders up, plenty of brain science has shown there is a female and male brain, that’s what backs up trans girls and trans boys, the nonbinary is still being researched, but I can assure you it is much more than a mental illness. Yes, dysphoria is a disorder, it CAN be treated, it can be treated with Hormone Replacement Therapy, or HRT. It can be treated with transitioning. Some nonbinaries transition, some don’t feel dysphoric enough to transition, but at the end of the day they are still a they, I am still a he, and you are still a she. Just imagine if someone called you ‘he’, or even ‘it’ because they didn’t believe you were actually a girl-” “DETENTION, for BOTH of you.” Umbridge screamed, glaring daggers at both of them.

    “I’d take detention over hearing another second of the erasure, you’ve hurt my cousin enough, I’ll gladly take the blow for her. I thought Snape would’ve taught you.” Draco muttered, staring at her, “Both of you, leave. Now.” She said with a huff, Draco grabbed his things, but stopped Y/N when they tried to collect theirs, getting it for them, “Come on.” He said softly, leaving the classroom with the student.

He handed their things to them gently, “I.. Noticed you got really upset..” He said softly, “More like panicked..” They said softly, “It’s easier said than done, but try not to let her get to you. Some people just choose to stay stupid. Sometimes even I hurt from some of the shit she says. Damn the amount of biphobia I have heard from her is ungodly.” He sighed, “You’re bi?” They asked curiously, “Yeah, I thought it was obvious by now. I kinda stopped caring at like.. 2nd year, hell I made out with.. A lot of guys in 2nd and 3rd year, mostly to piss my father off because he’s also LGBTphobic, but also just because it’s fun, and guys are cute.” He said with a small grin, they laughed. “Fair enough, do what you can to piss the oppressors off” They joked, drying their eyes. He turned to head to the Slytherin Common Room, when their voice ringed out again.

“They/Them..” Y/N said, he turned around and tilted his head, “You asked what my pronouns are.. I use they/them. I’m nonbinary” They said softly, and Draco smiled with a nod. “Is there a different name you want to be called?” But they shook their head, “The name I introduced myself as is the name I want to use.” Y/N said, “Alright, come on. Lets go to the common room” Draco said, “I can probably try and get Jamie in there too..” He hummed softly.

    Later that day, it was after dinner, and all the Slytherins were in the common room. Aside from Draco and Y/N, “Do you want to tell them? Most of them are accepting, aside from a few exceptions, Pansy surprisingly is accepting.” He said quietly, and thought for a moment.. “Blaise told me a few of the kids got told off because they agreed with us.” He added, “I think.. I was always scared to say anything because I didn’t wanna be made fun of.. I didn’t know there was someone who was trans like me til you talked about what happened with Jamie..” They said, “Well, you’re safe here. Hell, I’m more than 110% sure that our headmaster is gay, so.. Do with what you will on that information” He said with a small lighthearted laugh, Draco kissed their cheek with a small hum “It’ll be okay.”

They’d chosen to tell them, they didn’t want to feel misgendered any longer, Umbridge aside. “Oi, everyone shut your trap for a second, I have something to say- THEO… Thank you” He said, after staring down Theodore for a moment. “Let us reintroduce someone, but properly this time. This is Y/N, they’re nonbinary, use they/them pronouns and the moment I hear any of you say something against that, I will personally come for you, with Jamie in tow.” Draco said, Y/N smiling a little with a small wave. “Could’ve told us sooner, but glad you did, especially after Professor Umbridge, good job” Blaise said.

    Even Pansy was accepting, they were all proud that you had the courage to say come out, and also that you said something to Umbridge.

This was fine, everything is fine. Umbridge wasn’t fine, but.. This was nice, being accepted as who you are, by people who you’d think would be the last people to ever accept you. The person you thought would be the last person to accept you ended up being the most accepting, which is ironic when you consider his dad. 

This was bad 😭

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[spring-heeledjack]

What movies and/or shows are we gonna watch this weekend?

Hot Rod

A hilarious movie about a stunt man who is accident prone and must get $50,000 for his step dad's heart surgery so he can kick his ass and prove to him that he's a man and he can finally respect him. Starring Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, Ian Mcshane (Winston from John Wick), and Isla Fisher. It just hit Netflix and I've watched it like fifteen times already. Culturally, you have to see this movie.

The Big Lebowski

Where's the money Lebowski?! I still haven't seen this movie. Jeff `The Dude' Leboswki is mistaken for Jeffrey Lebowski, who is The Big Lebowski. The Dude seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it. Starring John Goodman, Jeff Bridges, Steve Buscemi, and Julianne Moore.

Enola Holmes

How have we not watched this movie yet? While searching for her missing mother, intrepid teen Enola Holmes uses her sleuthing skills to outsmart big brother Sherlock and help a runaway lord. We must watch this. I feel it's like an evil betrayal if we don't. Starring the one and only beautiful Millie Bobby Brown, our girl.

The Truman Show

One of my favorite Jim Carrey movies of all time. He doesn't know it, but Truman's life is part of a massive TV set and a show that's about him. They have hidden cameras everywhere that watches his every move. Every person he interacts with, even his wife and best friend, are actors. He eventually discovers this and must decide what he should do about it. This movie is beautiful and great and so creative and mind blowing, but it also raises so many questions to me. Kinda the same way WALL-E raises so many questions. But I still love it. That last scene alone is one of the greatest moments in TV history. Starring Jim Carrey.

Stranger Than Fiction

This is another clever and mind blowing movie that's similar to The Truman Show. This feels like a story we wrote. A mentally unstable IRS auditor Harold Crick hears an author's voice in his head and discovers that he is the ill-fated protagonist of her latest work. The author thinks her stories are fictional, when in fact she's writing and narrating someone's true life and killing them off in the end. A fascinating movie that isn't talked about as much as it should be. Starring Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson, Queen Latifah, and Dustin Hoffman (Rain Man).

The Umbrella Academy

Obvious reasons why we need to watch this. You already know all the lore and shit already. On one day in 1989, 43 infants are inexplicably born to random, unconnected women who showed no signs of pregnancy the day before. Seven are adopted by billionaire industrialist Sir Reginald Hargreeves, who creates the Umbrella Academy and prepares his "children" to save the world. In their teenage years, though, the family fractures and the team disbands. Fast forward to the present time, when the six surviving members of the clan reunite upon the news of Hargreeves' passing. They work together to solve a mystery surrounding their father's death, but divergent personalities and abilities again pull the estranged family apart, and a global apocalypse is another imminent threat. The series is based on a collection of comics and graphic novels created and written by My Chemical Romance lead singer Gerard Way. GERARD! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

We Are Who We Are

Right here, right now, right here, right now, right here, right now, right here, right now... Two American kids who live on a U.S. military base in Italy explore friendship, first love, identity, and all the messy exhilaration and anguish of being a teenager. Starring Jack Dylan Grazer. (I think his character is gay.)

I have more on my list if you want more

I'm very determined to watch the Umbrella Academy and the Truman Show

[apollos-celticswan]

June is coming up, and with it Pride Month. I have an interesting relationship with Pride Month and with parades and being “out”. For me, while I was out as queer since thirteen, I always felt like I didn’t fit. I didn’t know how to slide into the labels of the queer community. It took me a very long time to understand why.

I wanted to share with you the journey of a Trans person, who didn’t understand what being Transgender meant until they were twenty-three. I want to share with you my story, because its taken me a long time to get here.

When I was a teen, there were only three labels acknowledge in the queer vocabulary. Growing up in the 2000’s was a different sort of time for queer kids. You were gay, lesbian, or bisexual. I didn’t really know about being Transgender. I knew sometimes men dressed as women and that “wasn’t acceptable”. Gender diversity didn’t exist. There was no spectrum, just broken kids and kids bold enough to identify as cis-queer.

I was seven when I realized I liked girls. I was eight when I realized I didn’t really “fit” in what other “girls” should or wanted to be doing. I spent a lot early childhood going through the motions of what other people wanted from me. I mimicked what “girls were supposed to be like”. It was short lived because middle school essentially was my slingshot into coming out to myself as “gay”. I stopped being ashamed of liking girls and embraced it.

But…when people asked if I was a lesbian, I didn’t really know what to say. At thirteen, I didn’t think of myself as a girl who liked girls. I couldn’t figure that out. So I ignored it.

Queue anxiety disorder which kicked in when I was about thirteen at full force. OCD tendencies. A desperate need for control. Paranoia. Self-hatred. Body hatred. I wouldn’t eat because I could control that. I hated my hair. I grew it long to “feel pretty”. I wore make-up to “feel pretty”. 2008 was the most turbulent year for this downward spiral.

Inside I felt like I was dying, and I literally didn’t understand why.

I felt like I was always wearing a costume.

And then I discovered cosplay. Specifically, cosplaying boys. The world fucking EXPLODED. I still didn’t understand why it felt so good every time I put on the button-down and vest. Why seeing my flat chest bound down brought me such unexplainable joy, but I loved it. I loved seeing myself in the mirror strong and confident and yes. I was finally pretty. I was pretty and I was HAPPY.

But only in cosplay.

Dating relationships got complicated. I dated a LOT, and hurt a lot of people because I didn’t understand what sort of relationship I was supposed to have. I wasn’t a girl in a lesbian relationship. I didn’t know how to vocalize that. It was just anxious, awkward emotions.

I started hurting myself. As punishment for hurting people around me. As punishment for being different.

The thought crossed my mind. “What if I am transgender” when I was fifteen. The fear silenced me in petrified terror, not to be touched for years.

Senior year, I don’t really know what happened, but even though I wouldn’t have the words for “transition” yet, this is when I truly started. I chopped my hair off, and stopped living as a boy in costumes. I changed my wardrobe, switching to all masculine clothes.

I didn’t know I was transgender. But I knew that this felt RIGHT. I bound every day with sports bras, not knowing the word “bind” outside of cosplay. I just knew flat felt right. So I did it.

When I got to college, I spent a lot of time working on my mental illness and trauma. It wouldn’t be until 2013 that I would realize that my gender identity was not only something I needed to understand, but that if I didn’t, I would likely loose the love of my life, who had no idea what to do with my turbulent moods, dangerous self-hatred, and toxic internalized fears. It was a constant battle to understand what was going on in my head. Why didn’t I want to be touched? Why didn’t I want to be seen naked? Why was I only comfortable being intimate when I was dressed in cosplay as a male character?

I was twenty-three the first time I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I spiraled in rejection. I was afraid. I was afraid my parents would hate me. I was afraid of losing my mom. I was afraid of losing my sisters. I was so scared of everything I cut myself off from everyone and everything, living in brutal denial. I didn’t tell anyone but my now Wife.

I bounced in and out of hyper femininity to prove to myself I was “normal”. Forcing myself to fit into stereotypes to find belonging and not disappoint the people around me.

I was diagnosed again at twenty-four…and twenty-five…and twenty-six.

Sometimes I go back and I look at my pictures from over the years, and I wish I could go back then and give him a hug. I can see my transition journey, even though I wouldn’t come out until twenty-six. I can see the little differences. The confidence in my smile in the photos where I am presenting masculine are such a contrast to the shy, awkward smiles and discomfort of my feminine presenting photos. I see the strength and change in my pictures post coming out as Transgender. Even in my genderfluid moments and love of make-up, the change is massive, and powerful.

I wanted to share my journey in a summary because its important. You can be transgender and until you have the vocabulary it is so hard to vocalize to others why it is you are struggling. I can look at that boy in those photos now and say “no wonder you were confused!!”. I can look at those pained photos and go back to those moments and understand why I was so sad and why I hated myself so crippling much.

I am still afraid. I’m afraid of losing parents, of losing siblings and friends. I’m afraid of losing my rights and I’m afraid for my safety. I worry about our child being treated differently. I’m afraid of how our relationship is going to be different from other children and their cis-gender parents.

But that fear pales in comparison to the confidence, joy, and self-love I have found in come out. I KNOW I will be a good parent, because I am being my best self and living my truth. I know I will be strong because I have been through so much to come to the place I am.

So to all you little queer babies out there are various stages of coming out, you can do it.

Sometimes it’ll take a long time. Maybe almost two decades, but you’ll get there, and it’s the most beautiful view when you do. Loving yourself allows you to love others. Trusting yourself allows you to trust others. Live your truth, and its okay to be scared.

I am out. I am proud, and for the first time in my life I am celebrating pride out, proud and knowing exactly who I am.

Its an amazing feeling.

[askamydaily]

This year -- put a Book on EVERY Bed

This year: put a Book on EVERY Bed

By “Ask Amy” advice columnist Amy Dickinson

10 December, 2020

Dear Readers: Every year at Christmastime, I delight in promoting a Book on Every Bed. I do so in memory of my mother, Jane, who raised her children to understand that if you have a book, you are never alone.

The idea originally came from historian David McCollough, who recounted the Christmas mornings of his youth, when the very first thing he woke up to was a wrapped book at the base of his bed, left there by Santa.

The most important part is what happens next: Family members reading together.

That’s it! That’s the whole idea!

Over the last ten years, working with my local literacy partner Children’s Reading Connection (childrensreadingconnection.org), this campaign has grown to include schools, libraries and bookstores, who have donated scores of books to families that might not have access to them. The goal – and our dream – is that families will experience the intimate and personal connection of diving into and sharing stories, the way my mother and I did throughout her life.

Over the years, important literacy advocates, such as the Librarian of Congress Carla Hayden and LeVar Burton, and bestselling children’s authors Brad Meltzer and Peter Reynolds, have endorsed and helped to spread the good word.

This year is different. So many of us are alone, hurting, and separated from family and familiar holiday routines.

All of us – not just children – need a good book on our beds.

I have broadened the scope to include specific recommendations for books spanning all ages. I’ve reached out to some of my favorite writers, literacy advocates, and independent booksellers across the country for their special picks.

Whether you purchase a book or share an old favorite, I hope you will be inspired to put A Book on Every Bed this year. It is not necessary to make a Christmas deadline – this idea is one to sustain people throughout what might shape up to be a very long winter.

Following are recommendations for all age groups.

Baby and Toddlers: From Brigid Hubberman, Children’s Reading Connection, Ithaca, NY (childrensreadingconnection.org):

“Words are the language of love for babies.  The best books for infants should be about the world they know. Parents should choose books to surround babies with an abundance of loving and delightful words.”

Baby Cakes, by Karma Wilson and Sam Williams

Haiku Baby, by Betsy E. Snyder

Shine Baby Shine, by Leslie Staub and Lori Nichols

Ages 3-5: From Lisa Swaze, Buffalo Street Books, Ithaca, NY (Buffalostreetbooks.com)

“If You Come to Earth,” by Sophie Blackall is one of my favorite picture books of 2020. This book is beautiful both visually and lyrically, and it will feel like a warm hug to any child or family who receives it.

“You Matter,” by Christian Robinson is a bright and elegant book that takes children on a journey around the world to make it clear that everyone matters, and perhaps more importantly, reassure them that they matter, no matter what they look like or where they are from.

Early Readers: From Sandra Dear, owner of The Little Boho Bookshop, in Bayonne, NJ (thelittlebohobookshop.com)

“The Suitcase,” by Chris Naylor-Ballesteros: This beautiful story about immigration, is full of heart and humanity as it teaches our littlest ones about hope, tolerance and kindness.

“Home in the Woods,” by Eliza Wheeler: This stunningly beautiful picture book has fast become a customer favorite. A story about starting over, of overcoming! A story of family, love and joy of being and growing together.

Middle Grade Readers: From Becky Anderson, co-owner of Anderson’s Bookshop, in Naperville, Illinois (andersonsbookshops.com):

“Ways to Make Sunshine,” by Renee Watson: Watson writes her own version of Ramona Quimby, one starring a Black girl and her family, in this start to a charming new middle grade series about spirit, kindness, and sunshine.  Ryan, a fourth grader, finds the positive in difficult situations and when trouble strikes. She is that character to love and bring in the sunshine!  Grades 3-6

Skunk and Badger by Amy Timberlake, illustrated by Jon Klassen: Winnie-the-Pooh and Frog and Toad meet in a fresh take on a classic odd-couple friendship.  Klassen’s illustrations add much to a story of an unlikely friendship that proves that opposites can see the good in one another. The first in a series.  Grades 3-7

“The Silver Arrow,” by Lev Grossman: Kate’s humdrum life is transformed when her eccentric Uncle Herbert brings her a colossal locomotive train, the Silver Arrow, as her eleventh birthday gift, leading her and her younger brother on a mysterious journey.  The train will remind readers of the Hogwart’s Express. A story that is environmentally aware and calls readers to action. Perfect for fans of Roald Dahl and The Chronicles of Narnia.  Grades 3-7

YA Readers: Danielle Kreger, Blue Bunny Books, Dedham, MA (bluebunnybooks.com):  "One of Us is Lying" by Karen M McManus: An edge of your seat mystery that takes place in Bayview High school during detention. Simon, a so-called "outcast," never makes it out of detention alive. What follows is a tale of twists and turns that has the reader questioning the reliability of the characters, and the secrets they keep.

"Burn" by Patrick Ness: A fast-paced young adult fantasy that begins with fifteen-year-old Sarah, who meets Kazimir – a dragon who has been hired to help on her family's farm. Still reeling from the death of her mother, Sarah finds herself feeling an intense and unusual connection with Kazimir. As the story unfolds secrets, dangers and Kazimir's true purpose are revealed.

"The New Kid" by Jerry Craft: A spot-on graphic novel about navigating a new school, new friends and identity. Jordan Banks is in seventh grade when he is sent to a rigorous private school and grapples with staying true to himself- his love for creating cartoons, how to maintain his old friends and how he fits in in a less than diverse new school. A totally lovable and relatable character!

Adult Non-fiction: From Alex George, the author, most recently, of The Paris Hours, founder and director of the Unbound Book Festival, and the owner of Skylark Bookshop, in Columbia, MO (skylarkbookshop.com)

“Wintering,” by Katherine May: This is a deeply personal, quietly beautiful book, written with grace and immense thoughtfulness. We all go through difficult times; by mulling over her responses to her own misfortunes, the author offers insight as to how we might think differently about low points in our lives. Instructive, inspiring, and ultimately profoundly hopeful.

“The Book of Delights,” by Ross Gay: This utterly charming book of micro-essays by Ross Gay, a beloved and renowned poet, is a perfect gift for – well, just about anyone. Gay set himself the challenge of finding one thing that delighted him each day for a year, and then writing about it. The result is a quirky, brilliant book that you can dip in and out of, always finding something to make you smile, and think. A guaranteed lifter of spirits.

“Intimations: Six Essays,” by Zadie Smith: I’ve always loved Zadie Smith’s nonfiction work, and this small but powerful book shows her talents at their finest. Written during the pandemic, these six pieces are sharp, and funny, and thought-provoking. Smith’s deeply personal reflections on this strangest of years is essential reading. If ever there was a book for these strange times, it’s this one.

Adult Fiction: Mark LaFramboise, Senior Book Buyer at Politics and Prose in Washington, DC (politics-prose.com)

“The Butterfly Lampshade,” by Aimee Bender: This is a beautiful story of mental illness, the bonds of sisterhood, and the liveliness of a child's imagination.  Francie is 8 years old when the book begins, the daughter of a single mom.  This is the story of her odyssey after her mother is committed to a mental hospital, and she is sent to be raised by an aunt and uncle.

“Luster,” by Raven Leilani: Edie, the young protagonist in Luster, Raven Leilani's debut novel, is daring, sexy, hilarious, super smart, and drop dead beautiful.  Her affair with a married man takes a turn for the strange when she meets and befriends the man's wife and daughter.  Edie is whip smart because Raven Leilani is whip smart and her voice propels this beguiling novel.

“What Are You Going Through,” by Sigrid Nunez: Sigrid Nunez writes so beautifully that plot feels irrelevant.  The writer's confidence and authority are apparent from the first page.  Ultimately, it's the story of a woman who is asked by an old college acquaintance to be with her when she takes her life, after a cancer diagnosis.  But, like her previous book The Friend (about a woman who inherits a large Great Dane), it doesn't matter what story she tells because her words bristle with life.

Elders: Gayle Shanks, Changing Hands Bookstore, in Tempe and Phoenix, AZ

(changinghands.com)

“Apeirogon,” by Colum McCann: Two fathers, one Palestinian and one Israeli have both lost their young daughters to violence but have decided that reconciliation, not revenge, is what they needed to seek. In the process, they became best friends. McCann describes the insanity and senseless violence bred in the Middle East, the Occupation under which the Palestinians are forced to live, but also the beauty of the country, the migration of birds, the many ways humans overcome adversity and find solace in the natural world and each other. In a series of 1001 fragments, McCann walks us through his imaginary polygon, the Apeirogon of the title, containing an infinite number of sides, an infinite number of gorgeous sentences, and ultimately an infinite number of ways to view the human condition.  

“All the Way to the Tigers,” by Mary Morris: Travel writer Mary Morris’ book, written in small chapters, was in some ways similar to reading Colum McCann's, Aperagon, also written in small bits (in his case 1001, in Mary's -- 112 chapters). Morris travels to India in search of the elusive Bengal tiger, but in so many ways she is searching for herself and her place in the world as she recovers from a serious ankle injury that leaves her debilitated but determined.  

In her short vignettes, she quotes Rilke, Wendell Berry, other writers she admires and reminds us how important it is to listen intently to others as in active listening we are rewarded with deeper understanding.

“The Chair Rocks,” by Ashton Applewhite: From childhood on, we’re barraged by messages that it’s sad to be old. That wrinkles are embarrassing, and old people useless. Author and activist Ashton Applewhite believed them too—until she realized where this prejudice comes from and the damage it does. Lively, funny, and deeply researched, This Chair Rocks traces Applewhite’s journey from apprehensive boomer to pro-aging radical, and in the process debunks myth after myth about late life. The book explains the roots of ageism—in history and in our own age denial. Whether you’re older or hoping to get there, this book will shake you by the shoulders, cheer you up, make you mad, and change the way you see the rest of your life. Age pride!  

[confringo-]

A Blog About My Feelings on Jesy Leaving Little Mix So That My Mind Will Hopefully Shut Up About It!!

It’s been, like, 21? 22 days? Since Jesy left Little Mix and it’s still got me fucked up. I can’t listen to any of their songs without being covered in grief and it’s honestly gotten out of hand. I’m writing this because I feel like I’ve talked about it to my friends, vented about it EVERYWHERE ELSE except here and it’s all in bite sized pieces and I still cant get over it already. 

And I know that I shouldn’t be over it yet but it’s just...it feels so petty. I understand why it had to happen logically. I’d much rather hear that Jesy left Little Mix to focus on her mental health than hear that Jesy fucking killed herself because it got too much. I watched the documentary. I know that Jesy could’ve done so. I should be happy for her. I should be happy that Little Mix hasn’t disbanded completely. But I’m not. I’m sad. I’m like super sad about it, to the point that I would have outbursts in my lonesome about how I wish Jesy hadn’t left. It’s so pathetic but also healthy, in a way, that I’m not bottling it up and live in constant denial about it. What’s bothering me about it is that I’m focusing so much on the negative aspect of it than I am the positives. Like, the FACT the mere FACT that Little Mix stayed together for NINE FUCKING YEARS and released SIX full studio albums and showed us nothing but unity and friendship and served us vocals for days should be something I should CELEBRATE not MOURN as though it didn’t mean anything. 

I believe this is all only stemming from Little Mix being the first band that I loved this much to have a member leave. 

I’ve listened to plenty of groups over my years and many of them have since disbanded or something to that extent but none of them have affected me the way Little Mix affected me. 

Spice Girls, Destiny’s Child, the Pussycat Dolls, Fifth Harmony, Jonas Brothers, S Club 7, One Direction - listened to them a lot, but when they announced that they were parting ways or when I found out that they parted ways, I didn’t SCREAM and CRY the way I did when I read Little Mix’s tweet. 

Let’s dissect this further: 

Spice Girls/Destiny’s Child/S Club 7 - I was a kid. I didn’t stan people. Out of these three, I was most saddened to hear that S Club 7 was disbanding because they were the first group I bought a CASSETTE TAPE for and would listen to them on every car ride. When I heard it happening, I had other kid things to distract me and other things that caught my attention so I guess that I wasn’t too pressed. Now, I look back fondly at the songs these groups released. Despite the drama, despite whatever happened next, I just thought, hey this was a good song by them, let’s listen to it again and bop. 

I wish I could be like this. It’s been more than a decade but I can’t really relate them to how I feel about Little Mix because while these people were part of my childhood, I didn’t attach myself to them the way I attached to Little Mix in my twenties. These groups have nostalgia pillowing the break. I consumed their content, their art, when I was still a child and had no thoughts other than “nice sounds i love.”

The Pussycat Dolls - If you know, you know. PCD...what a group. I lived for them. I think, out of all of these groups, I stanned PCD the most. They gave a teenage gay like me everything I ever asked for. The bops, the choreography, the lewks. I figured out, right away: Oh, Nicole’s...singing...all of this...? And I didn’t expect much out of them, really? Like, I didn’t live under any illusion that this was anything more than Nicole and the Girls. I was excited for Doll Domination, the second album, because each girl had a solo song on the album and Melody definitely had a few more lines in it, but when they disbanded, I was like It’s Better This Way because, you know, it sounded like being in the band sucked. When I listen to PCD now, I do feel the tiniest pang for the girls. Like, the songs still rock but I’m still thinking like “Nicole let the girls sing!” or like “Oop, let’s listen to Nicole and the Girls again!” instead of referring to them as the Pussycat Dolls. 

That’s why I’m not too pressed with their disbandment. It’s because they weren’t so much a group as they were an act, if that makes a little bit of sense. I loved them but it wasn’t like I expected much out of them, you know? I’m a little pressed about their reformation and hope, HOPE, that Nicole lets the others shine like a proper band instead of letting them all fade into the background. 

Jonas Brothers - Okay. So. I was a Disney Channel bitch as a teenager. I’m not embarrassed. I loved the Jonas Brothers. My favorite was Kevin because I didn’t have to fight anyone for him (you know, except his WIFE). I loved the dynamic, I loved their music, I loved their faces. When they disbanded, I was kinda turning into the angsty teen I was meant to be and I was going through the throes of being a teenager so I was rather too preoccupied with myself to care if the Jonas Brothers were making new music or not. I was also at this point in my life where I’m like “Oh I listen to all kinds of music. My taste spans all kinds of genre and I listen to so many artists, you would not believe” that the Jonas Brothers disbandment didn’t send me to tears. 

Fifth Harmony/One Direction - We all know where this is going. The one member who leaves because they want to go solo. This has happened to plenty of bands/groups before them, and I’m sure they aren’t the last. Here’s the thing with these two. I wasn’t IN it. Like, I listened to like full One Direction albums, and I listen to a lot of Fifth Harmony. But they were more of a background thing for me. I liked them but I didn’t LOVE them, you know? And that’s probably why, when I heard that they were parting ways, I was like, okay. That makes sense for you, I wish you well, and then keep listening to their old songs like it’s nothing. Because I didn’t stan them the full 100%. 

This is all to say that I’ve had bands/groups that I like disband and all for valid reasons. 

Then why, when Jesy leaves Little Mix -  in what could be the most graceful and honest way possible - why am I so sad about it? Why am I so angry? Why am I grieving as though I can never listen to their music ever again? Like it’s right there? Why can’t I just listen to the fucking albums?! 

As I was writing, I realized something: Little Mix is connected to my happiest moments. That’s why it’s so hard for me to reconcile this sadness. It’s because I’ve never been sad when I listen to Little Mix. I listen to them when I want to be in a good mood, and now that’s been soured by Jesy’s departure. 

And why would it be soured by Jesy’s departure? When Jesy’s reasoning for it is mental health. It wasn’t a feud. It wasn’t creative differences. It wasn’t because she wanted to fly solo. She left because she couldn’t handle it anymore and she was doing what was best for her. She is focusing on making herself happy instead of making other people happy. I love that for her. 

I guess I’m angry at the people who made her this way. I’m angry at the people who tore her apart, tore her down, to the point that she wasn’t happy anymore doing what was supposed to love the most doing. I want to kill them. I wish them all the ill in the world and I hope they all suffer miserable lives for what they’ve done to Jesy. That’s how angry I am. Truly. I want to go to each of their homes and kill them for catharsis. 

That’s extreme. And, to the government person reading this, we’re in a pandemic and I don’t have enough money or clout to pull this off. Don’t worry. No massacres are being planned in the making of this dumb blog about feelings. 

Anyway.

It was so unnecessary. So needless. 

What I hate about this is that the girls will continue without Jesy and maybe people are going to start saying that they sound better without her. I almost don’t want Little Mix to succeed because I want everyone to know that they’re much better as a four than a three, which is INCREDIBLY unfair to the other girls and trust that I will be supporting every succeeding performance and album and song that they’ll come out with. It’s just...

I don’t want the haters to be proven right in a way? It’s stupid. It’s so stupid. But that’s how my brain processed this. I also don’t want to prove Jesy’s demons right. I don’t want her to look at Little Mix and be like “Oh they’re better without me” because she made Little Mix special as much as the other girls. I don’t know how to CONVEY that to her in the following months or years. I want her to know, that no matter what, she’s special. She brought something to Little Mix. That her voice was everything. Her look was everything. They all tied it together and that’s what made Little Mix so wonderful. The unity! The cohesiveness! 

I would hate to think that Jesy would watch their next songs and performances and think that she has no place in it anymore and therefore, maybe never ever return, you know? I would hate that. 

I avoided listening or watching any performance when there were only three of them because then I’d be curious about the comments and then the comments will affect me in a weird way and I just don’t want to feel those feelings in YouTube comments. 

I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore. 

Confetti was my favorite album. Out of all of them, Confetti was their peak for me. It’s honestly the first album that I had without any skips. Glory Days had its skips, for sure, and so did LM5, but Confetti. Damn. 

I guess I’m also bitter that I won’t get to hear them sing some of the songs live. Like, we got Break Up Song and Holiday. We got Sweet Melody, kinda, but I’m still bummed that we didn’t get all 4 of them at least once on a live Sweet Melody. 

But I would’ve loved to hear more. Like. Rendezvous. A Mess. Happiness. Not a Pop Song. I would’ve loved to hear those live. Confetti. God. I would’ve loved to see Confetti performed. 

Again. These are all MY feelings. My selfish little feelings about Jesy’s departure. Jesy Nelson doesn’t owe me shit. I don’t own her. I respect her departure. 

It’s just...

It’s just so hard to wrestle these feelings into submission. Now, I see Perrie, Jade, and Leigh posting shit. I see them as a three piece. I listened to a few performances JUST TO GET USED TO IT and I’m so proud of them for continuing but I’m going to miss Jesy so much. So fucking much. 

God. The amount of times I’ve cried writing this. 

These intrusive thoughts are coming in, telling me that the girls are no longer friends, and they’re happier without Jesy, that Jesy will disappear and never be heard from ever again. God I’m going to miss the sound of her voice. Fuck. I’m going to miss their dynamic as a four. 

It’s not going to be the same. No one’s expecting it to be the same. I’m sad. I’m sad that it’s not going to be the same and I’m sad that I won’t hear Jesy’s part of the harmony in new songs again. 

I’m fucking sad and I don’t want to be anymore because Little Mix is so entrenched in my happiness that it’s really fucking up the emotional equilibrium that I struggle to maintain. 

I want to be able to listen to their songs again and celebrate that it even happened at all and not grapple with how I feel about this huge change in something I held so dear for so long. I wish that I had other experiences like this to lean back on and remember that “Hey, you got through this disbandment, you’ll get through this one too!” But I don’t. This is the first departure of a member from a band I loved and it’s really hitting me hard. All I want is for it to stop because I want Jesy to be happy. If that means not being in Little Mix, I should be able to understand and accept that. Why can’t I just accept it? 

Which stage of grief am I on? 

Somewhere between anger and depression. I don’t know how far acceptance is but I want to be there already. Out of everything that I could grieve about, this should be the least of my problems. There are other problems in the world, in my life, that require my energy. I can’t keep spending it on a girl group. The break wasn’t even that fucking bad. 

But I have to remember that I’m allowed to feel sadness. I’m allowed to feel grief. I’m allowed to feel anger. At the very least, this will pass and it will be an easier transition than most. 

I want to hug Jesy. so much. I want her to know that she’s loved and that she brought so much to the group and she’s given me so much joy and that she’s helped people and that she’s still part of Little Mix even though she’s left it. An integral part of Little Mix. And that I will fucking kill everyone who’s wronged her or said anything bad about her with my bear hands if I could. 

That’s all I have to say right now. Fuckin. To the Mixer reaching this to the end, thank you. I hope you feel better too. Here’s a virtual hug: (virtual hug). We’ll get through this. For the girls, we’ll get through this. 

[kanralovesu]

How Does Persona 4 Uses Liberal Arguments to Come to Conservative Conclusions?

After playing Persona 4 Golden on PC recently it’s quickly become one of my favorite RPGs, but from my experience even die hard fans admit their are some problematic elements namely in terms of LGBT representation. However, when I got to the Naoto’s dungeon, I initially was pleasantly surprised. Naoto was struggling with his identity in a profession dominated by toxic masculinity, constantly trying to live up to his and the world’s perception of who he should be. I had beaten the boss and we were being given a speech on how Naoto should just be himself and all that jazz. But then Yukiko just chimes in “Yeah, you don’t really want to be a man do you?” and then Naoto is just like “Yeah I guess you’re right.” The tonal whiplash blew me intro the stratosphere. For my money we had just spent an entire arc reaffirming the fact that Naoto’s transgender status was valid, but in one line of dialogue the game threw all of that our the window. The weirdest part was, when I went back and looked at the rest of the game, the same pattern was repeated over and over again. How does Persona 4 use a liberal argument to come to a conservative conclusion?

Well because we all know about the problems with Naoto and Kanji I’ll leave them out of this for the rest of the post and instead prove that this is a reoccurring problem by quickly focusing on some other social links. Yukiko initially rejects tradition when she rejects the idea that she will inherit her family’s inn. She’s confident and self-assured that she can make it on her own, taking you shopping so she can learn how to cook, etc. But then a few evil tv crews come to her front door and she makes a 180, determined to “give back after all they had done for her”. Yumi (drama girl) is angry with her father because he was a deadbeat dad and now is determined to come back into her life. But then she quickly makes a 180 and goes so far as to quit drama club to try and find out “why her parents gave birth to her”. Rise quits her life as an idol to escape the horrors of show biz. But then she returns after remembering she helped some fan about bullying. While becoming an idol again isn’t very conservative, its still this idea that she’s going back to her roots rather than trying to change.

Now admitted I didn’t max all my social links on my first playthrough, but among the ones I did this trend held true for about 50% of them. For fairness I’ll just bring up that both Kanji’s and the Devil’s Social Links seemed pretty openly Liberal to me with Kanji fighting both against toxic masculinity and the police and the Devil fighting against work culture. After you deal with Kanji’s shadow form of every problematic stereotype of gay men, his character feels very close to positive representation. 

Back to the matter at hand, even outside of social links this dichotomy holds true. The game is pretty obviously anti-consumer culture and therefore can be read as anti-capitalist. However, this ignores that fact that the old shopping district is seen as an unequivocally good even when the encroaching Junes is not. For some reason we come to the conclusion that some capitalism is good even after we criticize elements of capitalism. When we find out that Adachi, a police officer, is the villain and he begin to explain how he “just wanted to own a gun” and how he tampered with evidence constantly, one might think the game is making a statement. However, when we compare Adachi to your surrogate father Dojima we start to realize that Adachi is constantly portrayed as slacking off and not being good at his job. Dojima and Naoto are real cops who are just getting spoiled by a single bad apple and even Chie wants to be a cop when she’s older!

Okay that’s enough of the what, how about some of the why? Well after compiling my previous post about the core themes of Persona 4, it hit me: the central theme of this game is “finding the truth”. This theme does not have a political leaning. Both liberals and conservatives would say they are the “truth”! Naoto’s story and every character’s story was about finding his true self. To a liberal this means accepting that you are transgender and you’re not mentally ill, harmful or alien and to a conservative this means no, you are not transgender you are your biological gender. The same is true for every other aspect of the story that initially seems liberal. In reality when I looked back all they were stating was that we need to search for “the truth” and as a liberal I projected my own interpretation of what the truth is onto that argument. Then the game, a largely conservative one, finally reveals its master plan after taking steps it understood where in service of this conservative conclusion, but which I never thought of that way. 

Now this is actually kind of great on the games part. If the game openly dog whistled to conservative ideas and was constantly making openly conservative arguments, I bet most of us wouldn’t be able to find much enjoyment in it. However, seeking the “truth” is such a universal concept that anyone could enjoy a story about! Even though I was very often blindsided by just how conservative this small-town loving game is, I never found myself so insulted that I had to put the game down. Most of the game was 100% universal to the human experience so there was always something I could connect to! 

[thehollowprince]

The way Mason Hewitt gets utterly erased by fandom, replaced by Theo to be Liam's friend and anchor. And I think one reason he's left out of fic so much is because as we've discussed he is basically Fanon!Stiles. And to have him around in a story with Fanon!Stiles would look suspicious because... they're the same, except Stiles is actually nothing like fanon. And they'd rather *die* than portray intimate scenes with Mason because they find Black people disgusting to be frank (pt. 1)

and I've seen it in every fandom. They gush about loving ~the gays~ but ignore canon gay/bi boys, esp if they're PoC. And it's all about straight yt boys boning, and what they get off on. And because they don't find Black or Brown ppl attractive, they get no love scenes. Mason was openly thirsting for Brett, but fandom was silent because "eww, canon Black gay expressing lust healthily?" And this is what we mean when white fangirls fetishize gay/bi male ships/dynamics (pt. 2)

And I touched on that yt fangirls will misappropriate progressive language when it suits their agenda. Like dismissing Scott as a "cishet yt boy" yet worshipping Stiles + Derek. And they often try to make that worship seem progressive by claiming Stiles or Derek are nonwhite/Jewish, or claiming werewolves are a allegorical oppressed group (no) yet ignore Scott is Brown *PLUS* he's a werewolf too, so they claim he's an intruder on ~werewolf culture~ and a colonizer (final)

You are not wrong in any aspect.

We've talked ad nauseam about the appropriation of mlm sexuality and giving it to the straight, white characters. And as you said, its almost exclusively the white fangirls who get off to two guys together rather in the same way that straight men get odd to lesbian porn. The fact that they don't see that they're just doing the very same thing that they hate men for doing is... well, sad is the first word that pops into my mind.

I know you don't watch any of the SKAM shows, but I experienced a similar problem over there. By far the most popular storyline across any of the remakes is the season three story, that being a closeted gay man coming to terms with his sexuality and embracing it rather than trying to suppress it. But the thing is, if you actually go through the tags, that's not the sense you get at all. Most of the people that watch these shows, or at the very least the ones who are the most vocal in the tags, are only focused on the romance in the story.

They didn't care the actual struggles of being in the closet and the journey that character has to go on to accept themselves. They just wanted to see two boys kissing. That became very apparent during the last remake to do that story, WTFOCK. They changed up the timeline and didn't introduce the love interest until the third episode, and those three weeks were just filled with constant complaints. This was further compounded when we saw the main character, Robbe, do what a lot of closeted young people do, and he tried to have a relationship with a girl, hoping that it would "make him normal". The tags were littered with homophobic jokes about how Robbe was "secretly straight" and it was extremely disheartening, especially from the fandom of a show that preached acceptance.

And you can't call them out on this behavior. I did and half the fandom blocked me because I, an actual gay man, wouldn't let a bunch of horny fangirls be the voice of a gay man's struggle. I was also bugged down with anons (similar to the one that's haunting my inbox right now) claiming that the reason they were so keen on the love interest showing up was because he was a "healthy representation of mental illness". Of course, they then went about proving how much they didn't actually care about that by spending the entire season trying to diagnose Sander at every opportunity, but the romanticizing of mental illness is another matter entirely.

To circle back to the point, we were given actual, healthy mlm representation on Teen Wolf, but fandom outright ignores it in favor of focusing on a non-existent relationship that was based entirely on negative stereotypes. But that's the crux of the matter, isn't it? They don't care how their behavior actually affects gay and bisexual men, so long as they get their own sexual satisfaction. You point out how having an adult and a minor in a relationship just reinforces the predatory gay pedophile stereotype that the Christian Far Right have tried to categorize us as for decades (if not longer) and they cry "it's just fiction!" But these same people talk about the stigma of unhealthy body types for women because the girls of these shows are skinny and petite while able to run marathons and fight of almost anything.

This is never more prominent than when they continously call for more LGBT representation, always mlm and never wlw, and then go out of their way to ignore that representation because it wasn't what they wanted (ie. completely thowing out their stories for Stiles and Derek and devoting everything to making them a couple, often at the expense of everything else.)

The term double-standards clearly means nothing to them.

And we could shout until our voices are gone about the racism in this fandom, but those who perpetuate it don't care enough to listen. They don't want to hear how them going out of their way to erase or put down Scott, the Latino lead of the show, at every opportunity is racist. They don't want to hear how them taking all of Scott's most prominent attributes (his compassion and loyalty and persistence) and giving them to Stiles to make him more palatable is racist. They don't want to hear how them completely ignoring the canon gay characters, who are also characters of color, in favor of taking straight characters and "turning them gay" is not only racist but homophobic.

They don't want to hear any of that. They want to live in their little fantasy world where everyone recognizes their genius and that they right all along. The real kicker is that I'd be more than happy to leave them alone in their own little world, but they refuse to be put out to pasture, hence the reason Athena is still jumping on pro-Scott posts, or that someone posted anti Scott content in the Scott McCall tag, or the ever present anon. They refuse to leave us alone so we have to rehash these same arguments over and over in the futile hopes that maybe this time it'll stick.

[rockets-and-raccoons]

My mum knew when I was really young that I wasnt straight. Not that she consciously recognised it. I was the child she constantly told that love was love. I could love whoever I wanted and that was okay. I was the child that was constantly told by my parents that gays deserved rights and that they would always love me no matter what. I was the child they excitedly told when gay marriage finally became legal.

I grew up repressed with severe internalized homophobia issues. To the point where to this day I still severely struggle with it.

My grandad doesnt believe in gay rights. He thinks it's a phase. That these people are ill. The village I grew up in was very Christian. Being gay was wrong. It was disgusting. Gay people needed serious mental help (ironically half the people my age that grew up there have turned out to be part of the lgbtq+ community).

I went to high school in the neighbouring city. Where everyone around me talked about how disgusting being gay is. The fear of a gay person in the changing rooms was talking about constantly. Gay adoption and marriage was considered wrong. Liking people of the same sex was considered disgusting and uncomfortable.

I was terrified everytime I had to get changed for pe. I was terrified to just look at other girls. And it didnt help that the majority of my friends were boys. I didnt spend much time with girls. The one girl I was good friends with- was suddenly the source of rumours. Everyone at school knew before I did. Talked about if before I accepted it.

She's gay.

I denied it. I didn't believe I was for a second. Did everything I possibly could to prove I wasn't. And yet for my last 2 years at school everyone made jokes about my sexuality. Told me I was gay and in love with my friend. (Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't. I refused to process my emotions properly back then.) They joked about how I was only straight until I was horny. That I was so obviously gay. But it was a joke. A mocking thing that made me feel so horrific that I did awful, horrific things to prove everyone wrong. Things I have to live with, that i hate myself for. Just becaus every time someone suggested I might be gay, all I could think of was 'it's so wrong.' 'Its disgusting' 'its cruel to children to be raised by gay parents' '1 in 5 people are gay, I sure as hell hope it's never going to be me' 'nobody wants to be gay, it's an illness.' 'I cant be around gay people, they make me uncomfortable' 'they'll stare at you in the changing rooms' 'they'll force themselves on you'

I still cant share a bed with another girl without being terrified. I cant be in the same room as another woman getting changed - I havent had to deal with PE in a decade. Havent heard those whispers in a decade.

Every time I become friends with another girl I'm terrified of what will happen when they find out I'm gay. I can't connect with them properly.

And sometimes. Sometimes I just truly hate myself. I hate the fact I find women attractive. That I'd rather spend the rest of my life with a woman rather than a man. Sometimes, often, I still find that disgust curling up in my stomach.

It doesnt matter that I dont live there anymore. That I now live somewhere so open and so easy to accept everyone and anyone. It doesnt matter that I've admitted it to myself, my family, and my friends. That I tell people so easily, I'm gay.

I'm still terrified of what would happen if people from my home found out. I still hear their conversations. Their mocking words. I still feel the effects of their homophobia. And sometimes I still wish I could pretend I was straight.

I was lucky to be born into such an open and accepting family. But by god, I wish I'd been brought up where I live now. I wish I didnt lie in bed hating myself so much at times. I wish I could be at peace with who I am. Rather than wishing I could go back in time and somehow change myself.

I remember telling my mum I was gay, and her not understanding why I was so distraught. Because 'you should know by now I love you no matter what' - and I didnt know how to tell her society, my friends, our community, were all going to despise me. Hate me. Tell me I told you so. I told my dad minutes after he said he wished his daughters were gay bc he hated dealing with the heterosexual drama and boyfriends. He couldn't understand why I was crying, because he wanted gay children. He had told me my whole life he would always love me no matter what. I was free to love whoever I wanted. And I didnt know how to tell him the world made me feel like I was disgusting and wrong and my existence was even worse than that of rapists.

And my grandpa, who I dont get on with, who doesnt really like me, who I was sure hated the gay community (and he has since admitted that if it was years prior he would have disowned me over sexuality) emailed me to tell me he was proud of me, that being gay wasnt wrong and he had been wrong about how he felt about the lgbtq+ community.

My grandad still thinks I'm going through a phase.

My best friend came out to me in tears, telling me he wished he had known we were both struggling, so we could have at least had each other.

When I finally told my other friends. There was no 'I told you so's' suddenly talking about sexuality wasnt a thing. It was a taboo topic nobody wanted to deal with. The girl everyone joked I was in love with, slowly disappeared from my life.

It's funny until it's true. And that's when you really realise the jokes were really, truly jokes. They didnt believe what they were saying. They just enjoyed the rise they got out of you.

And when I think about being a teenager. Despite the fact its ten years long. The only thing I can truly remember is the internal and external homophobia. Everything else feels hazy. The good times. The bad. It's all a fog that's over-taken by the self-loathing that I still carry.

I wish I could tell my teenage self that it gets better.

I wish my parents would believe me when I tell them I dont blame them for living where they did. We couldn't afford to move. They loved me, they love me, and that's what matters.

I wish I hadnt spent so long chanting 'I'm not gay' before bed. Because I knew from the age of 13, and spent the rest of my teen years in denial. Telling myself I was wrong.

But then I see my sister. My sister who is 10 years younger than me. Who had a big sister come out when she was just 8 years old (I came out at 18, yet spent a further 2 years trying to prove I wasnt. I came out too early. But I figured myself out. Accepted myself more, with the help of my family, and my best friend). She has grown up with more progressive media. Has moved to a more progressive place. Hell, her school has an lgbtq+ club. She has one (1) straight friend. She came out as bisexual at 12. But the older shes getting she thinks that her male crushes were caused by heteronormality and she thinks she might be gay. And shes open. Shes proud. Shes unapologetic in who and what she is.

I think about my self hatred. My self-loathing. About my internalised homophobia. I think of every night I spent lying in bed thinking 'One in five people is gay, it's not me. It won't be me. I'm not gay.' And I look at my little, wonderfully, unapologetically herself, little sister. And I think, that every struggle I've ever been through is worth it. If she gets to feel proud of herself because I've come out. Because my parents had to move bc of me. Because I've done everything I can to support her. To love her. To pretend to love myself for who I am in front of her.

Every day I struggle, I think to myself she doesnt have to. I'm one of the last millennials. She's gen z. And shes not my kid. But theres such a large age gap that I feel that generational difference. And I can't have children of my own. And suddenly, I find myself understand what my parents mean when they say that their suffering was worth it whenever they see us gain something out of it. Making things easier for someone you love, for someone so young, it makes it almost feel like it was worth it.

That trauma is going to stay with me. But my coming out too early, is what had my sister questioning her own sexuality. And it happened early enough in her life. She was questioning it before she hit her teens. She told me she knew she liked girls before she hit ten. But she wasnt too sure what that meant. And she wa worried because biphobia in our family is bad. But the we moved away. And she was watching adventure time and steven universe. And I was suddenly openly accepting myself and flirting with girls. And making jokes about my sexuality. And she came out. So young. So proud. And my parents were accepting of her bisexuality (albeit worried about how the rest of the family would react). And I did what I could to support her. Buying badges and flags and taking her to pride. And now shes come out as fully gay and I'm so happy and hoe safe she felt her journey has been. That at 15 she isnt scared to tell her friends (and they're not afraid to tell her). At 15 she might actually have a girlfriend. And shes been to pride. Goes to pride.

And I am so, so proud of her.

I would love to go back in time and tell myself that it's okay to accept who I am. But I cant.

But my sister grew up knowing it was okay to accept who she was. And my coming out helped my best friend accept who he was.

I didnt have any lgbtq+ friends growing up (that I knew about). There were no clubs. No tv shows. My only support was my mum and my dad.

My sister has a club. She has our family. Her friends. Her school (no awful changing room comments. No snide remarks) She has an open and accepting community. I feel so relieved that she'll (hopefully, pls universe, be kind to her) never have the same experiences I did.

[themagnificentartofshipping]

This is a Glee post about the Kurt and Quinn fight about Karofsky’s suicide attempt. It’s probably gonna get ranty, I watched the clip on youtube and I didn’t want to right my opinion in the comments because it will probably be long and it could possible end up turning into being about Quinn’s issue and how the show angers me with how they treat her and her clear problems. I haven’t written it yet, so we’ll see. And you know me on my bullshit especially about  Quinn should be in the place where in the year 2020 I still have a Quinn icon.

I love Quinn Fabray , if you couldn’t tell so I'm definitely biased towards her, but I do understand what she said about suicide was insensitive and I don't agree with it. I still think Kurt is in the wrong, one because he shouldn't downplay what Quinn's been through, and also I don’t think it fair for him to act like he understands what Karofsky’s going through just because he’s also gay because Kurt’s coming out experience was positive and he didn’t lose people in that process and just Kurt relationship with his sexuality is very different from the way were shown Karofsky’s. 

And to be honest(and this is where people may be pissed at me) I feel like Karofsky’s experience with being outed and his peers and friends reactions is closer to Quinn’s experience with her pregnancy then Kurt's coming out experience and I want to say I’m not equating Quinn’s pregnancy with being gay, I’m bringing this up because I think Kurt and Quinn have experienced different parts of what Karofsky’s was going through. Kurt obviously understands the mental and emotional struggle that figuring out and coming to terms with your sexuality is. Quinn understand the isolation and just awfulness when people you thought cared about you and were your friends turned on you and just dropped you and/or made fun of you( the glee girls in mash up said some not great things in reference to her and her pregnancy and Santana bringing up her having a baby in their fight and we never see a cheerio who’s not San or Britt speak to her in season 1 after her pregnancy news drops) This is going to sound shallow but, both Quinn and Karofsky care about where they are on the social hierarchy of high school and they both had their spot at the top ripped out from under them. They also both did not get to control when important life changing information about themselves was released to the world or their families. Quinn only got to tell Finn about her pregnancy her self every other time it was announced she didn’t get to do it or know it was going to happen, and that caused her to be blindsided by changes in her life and personally I think she should have been allowed to tell people when she was ready. I know that it is different from being outed but, I do think it has in common the feeling of being blindsided, and not being able to prepare for the worst/ peoples reactions and having people know a very personal thing about you without your permission. Writing this section made me realize i’d probably be significantly less pissed off if Santana would have called out Quinn instead, I still would have been upset about dismissing what Quinn has gone through, but since Santana has experienced being outed and having to tell family before she was ready and even family rejection over her sexuality as well as her fearing losing high school status, I think she does understand Karofsky’s experience so has higher ground to stand on. 

So now this section will be about what Quinn has gone through, why I feel dismissing it is shitty and the way Kurt said specifically upset me, it might get into how season 3 treats her as a whole but we’ll see. So like i have an issue with the fact that he said the world never stopped loving her cause that’s just not true. Her father called her a disappointment and kicked her out of her house and as far as we are aware they still are not in contact(like he doesn’t show up at her HS graduation and she got into Yale) and that is parent who is suppose to love you unconditionally. And Sue a person she looked up to and respected publicly told her she was a disgrace. She lost her social standing and it seems like most of her friends and losing popularity might seem shallow but, it was important to Quinn. Also just the fact that she made the effort to rejoined the cheerios even though the culture of it is awful with the weigh ins and Sue’s shakes proves to me that she definitely didn’t feel like she was still loved by the world or the school. Back to the parent thing, I feel like its big part of why Kurt saying this is so frustrating to me because one of the stand things about Quinn’s pregnancy is the fact that her parents completely abandoned her and didn’t even try to support her because that is something Kurt could never get because he has the most supportive dad in the world. Like being a pregnant teen is hard, you have to make a lot of adult decisions and experience all the physical and hormonal changes while being this extreme outsider in your age group is difficult enough(which Kurt kind of dismissed)but, you add on not having familial support and having to worry about where your going to live and holy shit that’s hard and awful and emotional tasking. Also learning that your parents love for you is conditional can not be an easy thing to go through emotionally. And the world clearly didn’t love her at the beginning of season 3, when no major adult in her life made any attempts to help her, Sue used her breakdown for her own gain and Will just screams at her and tells her to grow up and says a bunch of mean things to her that are easily disapproved.

Moving on to dismissing her struggles at the beginning of season three as a bad dye job, its just very frustrating to me cause it very clear that that wasn’t it. And like I’m aware that Kurt as a character is likely unaware of all the shit going on with Quinn in season 3, but the person who wrote that line should be aware of what’s been going on with Quinn so I’m very confused about there intention. Because I think its clear even to people who don’t sympathize with Quinn that she was not in her a good mental state when Shelby was there, (i think that’s like until the 8th or 9th episode) and that clearly shows something else is going on and I believe that Quinn not being okay didn’t come out of nowhere, the last 3 episodes of season 2 had Quinn not being in the best place ending with her big meltdown in New York. Some people read/interpret Quinn as being depressed at least at the beginning of season 3, I kind of agree with that interpretation and definitely believe she had/has some sort of mental illness/disorder, I just don’t want to personally be like she definitely has this blank and diagnosis her in anyway. But I don’t think her issues just appeared they all go back to her pregnancy and giving up Beth and just don’t think she dealt with her feeling and was repressing them and living in a state of denial throughout most of season 2. This is going to become even longer if I allow myself to go on that tangent, (so maybe another post to explain that stuff and Quinn headcanons and stuff) but basically I have an issue with dismissing early season 3 Quinn as just rebellion and things like that because it clear that it alot more then that.

Kurt also basically said that Quinn doesn’t understand self- loathing and despair and I don’t think i need to give examples of Quinn not loving herself I feel like that’s pretty obvious, just like watch the show. But despair like her dad pretty much disowned her and giving up her baby clearly fucked her up, so I feel like she‘s felt despair. Kurt also acting like the fact that she’s going to Yale somehow eliminates her pain and I just don’t understand that. 

Also just want to make it understood that the intentions of this post is not to hate on Kurt. I just don’t get why this scene exists, like it has always felt to me like its one of those scenes where the intention is just to make people hate Quinn and not empathize with her since it takes huge struggles that she had that caused empathy in viewers and dismissing them. And with the idea that existed at the time the show was on that, Ryan Murphy didn’t like that people liked Quinn, it’s one of the explanations that makes sense to me. Also that this is in the same episode as Quinn’s car accident is so fucking crazy and i don’t like it.

[komatsunana]

My Yuri/wlw Manga Rec List

Heeeey I’m bored so I’m making a Yuri manga/webtoon/etc recommendation post of some of my faves that are underappreciated or deserve more love. Obviously this isn’t a comprehensive of all great Yuri series out there, just some that I enjoy & think are worth reading... And have (obviously) either read or are caught up on.

All of these are available to read as online scans, but I’ll indicate if you can legally purchase it in English as well.   I’ll also indicate if they are on-going as of April 2019.

There’s a lack of yuri series that aren’t set in a high school but I’m going start with all of those first, just to get them out of the way, but this list will mostly be dedicated to college and older aged characters.

Additionally, my recommendation of these series is not my personal endorsement of everything about the series. Don’t expect any of these stories to be perfect by any standards, much less Western standards.  Additionally, I try to give warnings for some series with dark themes: that is not me giving the series a condemnation.  Just a heads up for common triggers, that I caught and remembered to warn for.

A Tropical Fish Yearns for Snow (Nettaigyo wa Yuki ni Kogareru) by Makoto Hagino

Summary:

Konatsu Amano is a high school girl who has just moved to a seaside town in Ehime Prefecture after her father is transferred overseas for his job. Lonely and unsure of her new surroundings, Konatsu finds herself gravitating towards Koyuki Honami, an older girl at her school who is popular but is seen as out of reach by her peers who view her as too perfect. Koyuki is also the sole member of the Aquarium Club, which in turn makes her feel cut off from others. In an attempt to help ease Koyuki's and her own feelings of loneliness, Konatsu befriends Koyuki and the two gradually grow closer together.

Why I think you should read it:  This is SUCH a sweet but impactful series.  At a surface level read, it’s a beautiful and enjoyable series that I’m interested in seeing where these girls’ relationship goes, but a deeper look at the series really shows the amount of thought that went into the characters and their surroundings.  Honestly [this] YT video by Zeria is why I finally started this series and covers why this is such a good worthwhile series much better than I can so I recommend watching it, if not jumping straight to reading!

Status: On-going, first English volume will be released in late 2019!!

Their Story (Tamen de Gushi) by Tan Jiu

Summary:

Tamen De Gushi manga is a slice of life manga that revolves around two high-school protagonists, Sun Jing and Qiu Tang, and how they meet and fall in love and start dating.

Why I think you should read it:  If you’ve been on tumblr long enough and follow enough queer fandom blogs you’ve probably heard of this series.  Everything you’ve seen about it is true: it’s sweet, cute, funny, and fluffy.  It also covers topics like victim blaming without derailing from something you’re reading to distract you from reality.

Status:  This one is a webtoon and currently on-going.

Pietà by Haruno Nanae

Summary:

A story about two classmates, Sahoko and Rio. Rio is depressed and self-harms due to lack of loving relationships with her "family" -- which consists of her negligent father, selfish stepmother, and stepbrother; and Sahoko quickly becomes her only comfort in life. Sahoko on her part has a frigid relationship with her otherwise loving parents, and lives with her aunt.

Why I think you should read it:  Prior to meeting, these girls dealt with mental illness and that’s what bonds them very quickly as they come to rely on each other.  I debated whether or not this series should be with the school-girl series or the adult ones, I decided to keep it with the school-girls because... they’re high school girls! Even though the girls’ school is really only ever the place they first meet, it’s the fact they are high school girls that colors their perspectives for the best and worst.  

But the reason I think it is worth reason it is that it portrays depression, self-harm, and suicide the way you think about it as a depressed high schooler but it is narratively treated with the seriousness it deserves, and to be responded to with love and compassion.  While we’ve got Rio’s parents who don’t take her mental illness seriously and compassionately enough (or at all), but there other adults who do from the very beginning.  It’s 1 volume long and despite all the trigger warnings I am about to give for the series: I promise a happy ending. 

*Warings* Self-harm, suicide attempt, forced institutionalization, parental abuse, gaslighting

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are available.

Kase-san by  Hiromi Takashima

Summary:

Yui Yamada, a girl who enjoys tending to her school's greenery, falls in love with the athletic Tomoka Kase. The two eventually begin dating, and the story follows the pair as they face various challenges in their relationship

Why I think you should read it:  Another one I see on tumblr a lot and, again, it’s everything you’ve been promised: cute, fun, and a natural progressing romance.  What I think is worthwhile about the series is that it’s continued into their college years, but that hasn’t automatically made them adults. They continue to deal with the same insecurities they did in high school, but even still they’ve been maturing since the start of the series and they continue to do so. 

This series is unlikely to ever delve into darker or political themes, but we need series like this - where problems don’t linger but are resolved relatively quickly without losing the character’s defining traits and flaws.

Status:  Ongoing and available to buy in English.  Also has an OVA.

Ano Musume ni Kiss to Shirayuri o (Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl) by Canno

Summary:    

In middle school, Ayaka Shiramine was the perfect student: hard-working, with excellent grades and a great personality to match. As Ayaka enters high school she expects to still be on top, but one thing she didn't account for is her new classmate, the lazy yet genuine genius Yurine Kurosawa.

Why I think you should read it:  A rivals-to-lovers story, for all my rivals-to-lovers lovers out there! <3 While Shiramine and Kurosawa are definitely the protagonists of the story, roughly only 40% of the time are chapters focus on them and their relationship, as the series spends a lot of time on their many, many side characters and relationships... which are all wlw too.  Lots of different relationships explored in the side characters, including a triad that forms together wonderfully.  

A part of the series that particularly tickled me was that male characters are barely ever mentioned, if ever.  It’s entirely possible that that men do not exist in this world.

*Warning*  One romance between a student and her aunt (though the aunt is only 4 years older).  The two chapters depicting their relationship are skipable and even then it’s vague enough that you can interpret it as a family relationship imo.

Status:  Completed and available officially in English.

Bloom Into You (Yagate Kimi Ni Naru) by Nakatani Nio

Summary:

Yuu has always loved shoujo manga and awaits the day she gets a love confession that sends her heart aflutter with bubbles and blushes, and yet when a junior high classmate confesses his feelings to her...she feels nothing. Disappointed and confused, Yuu enters high school still unsure how to respond. That's when Yuu sees the beautiful student council president Nanami turn down a suitor with such maturity that she's inspired to ask her for help. But then the next person to confess to Yuu is Nanami herself.

Why I think you should read it:  What, did you really think it wouldn’t make my list (lol)?  Of course everyone should give this series a try!  I’ve been following this series for a while so I’m glad to see it blow up in popularity recently because of the anime because it really deserves it.  This series is very far from your typical straight-forward cute high school yuri romance, it’s an awkward fumbling as the girls have their first relationship and all that comes with that - including learning consent and boundaries -  in a very unusual set-up (that I’ll let you read to discover).  

Additionally, an adult relationship between two women is also portrayed, proving the usual “lesbianism is transient” is many school-girl manga wrong, but the adults tend to mentor Nanami’s also gay friend more than Yuu and Nanami (who could frankly use some adult guidance, since they can’t seek out their parents). 

Yuu reads as very aro-spec too, if that resonates with you, and I (personally) don’t think that anything in her relationship with Nanami negates those feelings.

Status:  Currently ongoing and available in English.  Anime which covers the first half of the series.

Nameless Asterism (Nanashi no Asterism) by  Kobayashi Kina

Summary:

Tsukasa, Nadeshiko, and Mikage have been inseparable since they began junior high, but Tsukasa has a secret she's been keeping from her best friends—she actually has a big crush on Nadeshiko. Not wanting to risk their friendship, she planned to keep it a secret forever, but when Tsukasa learns that Nadeshiko has a crush on Mikage, her desire to support her friends now conflicts with her own feelings. First love blossoms in unexpected ways for these three young women and their circle of friends.

Why I think you should read it:  This one is actually a junior high school one, but I’ll stick it here regardless.  But it’s a fun series, and for a love-triangle story it’s not over-wrought at all.  More than a series about love, it’s about the concept of romantic relationships at the characters’ age as well as friendship. One of the character’s in particular thinks her feelings are transient, but it’s also rather clear that they are not and she’s just scared after a bad past experience. Despite being in a love triangle that not all of them are completely aware they are in, it’s also very clear they want to keep being friends and fear losing their friendship more than anything else.

It ends prematurely so some things are left unresolved but still a fun read and I still give it a huge rec.  YMMV on the handling of one cross dressing character, especially as he takes over the story for a bit, but it’s far from the worst handling but. ya know.  Heads up, he exists.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are available.

Aaaaaand that’s about it with the light-hearted (mostly) school romances.

On to college-age and working adult yuri series which don’t get nearly enough love!

It’d be great if you didn’t exist by Carbonara

Summary:

Why did she meet her ideal girl in the worst situation?

After catching her boyfriend with another woman, Han Guk-hwa promptly breaks up with him and expects to never see him again. What she didn't expect was to keep thinking about the woman who was with her ex and develop a begrudging crush on her.

Jang Mi, the crush in question, also didn't expect to see such a beautiful girl approach her and finds herself thinking that she could do so much better than the scumbag Guk-hwa was dating.

Why I think you should read it:   There’s.... a lot of reasons I could give you about why this series is worth reading.  It’s a wonderful balance between funny and a soft, tender romance between two women, even while dealing occasionally with darker themes and topics.  The characters are both well fleshed out with flaws and a rationality to their actions.  More than that: for every bad experience they had in the past which gives them insecurities about themselves and others, they are rewarded for trusting each other with a happy, loving relationship.  Inter-relationship problems (like insecurity) are resolved with communication, while their separate personal problems they share mutual support. 

BUT ALSO, I mean... it’s pretty much like that text from last night that goes:  “ I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.”  And I just.... really enjoy and appreciate it. Because it’s like: that’s it that’s the series.

*Warnings* Stalking, abuse, bullying

Status:  Another webcomic, completed at 80 chapters all available online in English

Cheerful Amnesia by  Tamamushi Oku

Summary:

Arisa wakes up in the hospital, with no memory of the last three years. When Mari, a girl who's just Arisa's type, arrives at the hospital and informs her that not only are they living together, but they're actually in a relationship, Arisa is over the moon.

Why I think you should read it:  MC has amnesia, but as the title suggests, it’s light-hearted series.  Afterall, MC wakes up to discover she has a beautiful girlfriend!  What couldn’t be better in life?  Well, there are... like sex with your girlfriend.  Wait no, that’s way too good for Arisa to handle (lol). And it just gets better for Arisa as the story plays out.

Usually the amnesic lover trope is played for the drama, but here it is only played for laughs.  A little eye-roll-y regarding some aspects and maybe even down right stupid but still cute and a fun romp if you need mindless fun. It’s a 4-koma so it’s not particularly deep, but a fun exploration of the story’s premise.  Let’s be honest: all the jokes about sex probably won’t make you laugh and probably won’t even titillate you, but you’re not here for laughs you’re here for something cute and see an adult relationship between two women get to be fun, silly, and mindless.

Status:  On-going and not officially in English but completed online scans are available.

Ultramarine (Gunjou) by  Nakamura Ching

Summary:

Out of desperation, a woman asks an old high school acquaintance to kill her abusive husband for her. The acquaintance, having long been in love with this woman, does it, and now they are on the run from the law.

Why I think you should read it:  I’m going to be honest.  This isn’t a series for everyone or even a series that most would like and that’s ok. The summary just covers the first few pages - everything devolves from there as they avoid the police and the stakes get higher - or rather, revealed to us as the readers.  Definitely not a series for a fun, quick read and I don’t rec it if you want an ideologically pure series - but the series mostly acknowledges the fucked up nature of everything going on.  If you’re interested in story where the main characters aren’t clear-cut “good” and “bad” and you don’t mind not rooting for the main characters’ romance, give it a try.  Because this is not a series about two women learning to be good to each other.

It’s a heart-wrenching read for those that read it and explores themes that aren’t often explored without being edgy for the sake of being edgy.  I think if you can stand to read this series in one sitting, you’ll be absolutely gutted and be thinking of this story for a while.  It’s a powerful read, awful in a very necessary way.

*Warnings* for rape, abuse, dub-con (between the main characters), lots of talk of suicide, infant death, death of a wlw (not main romance).

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Lonely Wolf, Lonely Sheep by Fuka Mizutani

Summary:

Two women with the same name happens to meet each other when they're at the same hospital for the same injury. They want to become closer, but both must overcome their insecurities and self-loathing first.

Why I rec it:  Ehehe.  If you follow me, then you probably know I’m half-way to being a NANA blog.... Well this has the basic premise of NANA, with two girls with the same name (in this case first AND last) meeting under similar circumstances.  It’s a short & sweet series, but not without a lump of angst mixed in, because despite their meet-cute they’ve still got a shared loneliness and fear of rejection to contend with.  Despite that: it’s not drowning in angst and unnecessary, drawn-out melodrama.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Fluttering Feelings by Ssamba

Summary:

The comic follows the life of two Business University students, the average slightly immature Kim No-Rae and the beautifully captivating Baek Seol-A but equally immature, as well as their friends and family.

Why I think you should read it:  This series is a beautiful exploration of two women slowly falling in love - or rather, slowly realizing and accepting that they are in love with each other.  A lot of will they, won’t they story get stale very quickly but here the characters are so expertly explored that you understand why they aren’t kissing right now this second and it just makes you hope that one day they will and be happier.

Additionally, just because they aren’t dating doesn’t mean that they friendship doesn’t continually progress and flourish as they continue to get closer and more emotionally intimate with each other.  As their friendship gets closer, they struggle more and more to define their feelings for each other.  

Unfortunately Ssamba passed away last year, before completing the series.  So the series will likely remain forever unfinished but I think this series is so great that it’s a worthwhile read even unfinished.  I think Fluttering Feelings maybe even is a series that especially proves that unfinished series are worth reading, because for me: the ending to a story is one of the most important parts... but not for this series.  This series is all about the journey and the journey until where it left off was worth it.

Status:  Unfinished Webcomic, available online in English

Ohana Holuholu by  Shino Torin

Summary:

Maya, who works as a translator, lives with her bisexual former girlfriend, Michiru, and Michiru's son, Yuuta. Residing in the same apartment building is an actor called Nico, who drops by for a visit almost everyday, and knows about Michiru's past. Somewhat like family, and somewhat not, their lives interweave full of warm days.

Why I think you should read it:  This one is about family, at it’s core.  A found family, in particular.  I think for many like me, that’s enough of a recommendation (lol).  The rekindling of Maya and Michiru’s relationship is an important part to the story, but just as important is the fact that they have formed a family even before then.  Michiru isn’t always the best friend, roommate, lover, or even person and she definitely isn’t the best mother, but watching over her growth through the series to take responsibility for herself and for her family is incredibly rewarding.

Status:  Complete, still in the process of being translated online into English.

Collectors by Nishi Uko

Summary:

Two women in a relationship disagree about the other’s spending habits.

Why I think you should read it:   Most of this list is comprised of series that are about before the relationship begins, but Collectors is here for everyone who desires a pre-established relationship!  It’s very sweet and very obvious how much the two women love each other.  

This is the bickering couple done right - with love, especially after the initial few chapters, and it’s honestly just a form of flirting as the characters just as often find common-ground on their spending habits.  

It’s primarily 4-koma style, so not much happens story-wise but it’s well worth it just for to see their day-to-day interactions, how much they enjoy spending time with each other, and their friend’s commentary about their relationship. Also, if you’re a collector or hobbiest that compulsively buys things related to your interests... be prepared to be called out!

Status:  I thiiiiink it’s on-going - definitely the English online translations haven’t caught up as far as I can find.

The Robot Next Door (Tonari no Robot) by Nishi Uko

Summary:

In an ordinary neighborhood, a team of engineers are developing a robot they call Praha, who looks like an ordinary human high school girl. Chika, a 4-year-old girl who lives next door, meets her neighbor and learns her secret. The two girls become friends and high school classmates, and Chika teaches Hiro—as she calls Praha—about human emotions, including love.

Why I think you should read it:   Another story by Nishi Uko!!! There is a severe lack of sci-fi Yuri works!!  It’s a short and sweet feels trip as it explores the premise - a robot and human girl having feelings for each other.  While the bulk of the series takes place while both characters are in high school, I’m sticking it here with the “adult” series because it’s not about youth so much as it is about the premise.

Anyway: one of the interesting things about the series is how Praha expresses her love for Chika, which is obviously different than how humans feel ”love” because she’s a robot.  Meanwhile, Chika pines for Praha in her youth but insists that Praha’s feelings aren’t love.  She thinks their feelings for each other are “different,” which is both true and untrue.  As it is thought, robot/human love stories are often bittersweet because the premise predicates that the human will age while the robot will not.  Honestly, the ending is not bitter in the least, but it’s something that looms over you as you, the human reader, know as inevitable future.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Poor Poor Lips by Gotou Hayako

Summary:

Okashi Nako is a young woman living in poverty. When she applies to work at a Gem store, she learns that store owner, Otsuka Ren, is a lesbian. Ren promises that Nako's not her type, but she may be lying.... Nako takes the job and so begins a comedic tale of rich and poor, sickness and health, for better and for worse!

Why I think you should read it:  It’s a boss/employee romance but tastefully done imo - it’s been a while since I read it but I remember it fondly. It’s primarily set-up as a comedic series (another 4-koma!) but by the end the ladies *are* explicitly in a relationship, after some “will they/won’t they.”

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Octave by Akiyama Haru

Summary:

This story revolves around 18-year-old Miyashita Yukino and her life as a former idol. As a child, Yukino had always been fascinated with TV. And before she knew it, she wanted to be one of those idols behind the screen. At 15, she entered the entertainment industry and debuted as a member of the four-person group "She'sN." However the group wasn't very successful and they broke up shortly afterwards. Returning home in disgrace, Yukino was welcomed with people's curious looks and hurtful words. Wanting to find herself, regain her pride, and perhaps experience love, Yukino decides to move back to Tokyo. There she meets a certain woman, former composer Iwai Setsuko. Together they embark on a very interesting and mysterious relationship.

Why I think you should read it:  Don’t be fooled by the simple, minimalist art... The characters are complex and each of them realistically flawed.  The series explores themes unfulfilled dreams and miscommunication and most of all: maturing into a decent person.  A lot of people are turned off of this series because the choices Yukino sometimes makes are, but it’s worth seeing her journey imo.

The series also deals with coming out not being an entirely positive experience and... it’s gutting but real and in the end says more about other people than Yukino.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

And that’s it for now!! Let me know if you read any of these, whether or not on my recommendation or not!  Depending on if people liked this I might do another one, because I discovered a whole bunch of series while researching plus cut some from the list last minute that I still think deserve a rec!!

[briangroth27]

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Review

I really enjoyed Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark! While I preferred Goosebumps as a kid, the three Scary Stories books were also an ever-present part of my childhood and I can vividly remember reading them by flashlight with the lights off. The vast majority of my early knowledge of urban legends came from the stories in those books and they certainly helped build my love of spooky things in general as well as the “kids encounter the supernatural” sub-genre of horror/sci-fi specifically. I haven’t read the books in years (though I still have them), but this movie made me want to revisit them because it’s so good!  

Full Spoilers…

Scary Stories is anchored by very strong performances from its teen cast. The main kids do really well with the material they’re given, crafting protagonists that touch on standard teen archetypes but that are also fleshed out, especially Zoe Margaret Colletti (Stella) and Michael Garza (Ramon). Stella is the most well-rounded and explored character in the film, and Colletti displays a huge range of emotion! She capably led the movie and she clearly has a bright career ahead of her. I liked that Stella was the most into horror and nerdy things among her friends, but no one treated that as weird even in this film’s era (girls have always been into nerdy stuff too!). The one thing I wanted more of in terms of her character was why “everyone said” it was her fault that her mother left. Feeling responsible for the absence of a parent is a common childhood misconception, but it seemed weird to frame it as something the whole town would be telling her without also giving a reason for it (though it did give her a connection to Sarah’s own persecution by the entire town, even if only in Stella’s mind). It was really cool of the movie to draw Ramon as the mysterious outsider kid rather than some troubled/tough white kid. That lent the movie a fresh feel while also touching on the racism of the period (which is still in full force today; one of many grounded horrors the movie dabbles in that are very much as relevant now as they were in the film’s 1968 setting). Garza brought an effortless coolness to Ramon that felt appropriately period while also acting as a great mask for his fears. Ramon and Stella’s budding romance was sweet and cute too.

Auggie (Gabriel Rush) and Chuck (Austin Zajur) were no slouches either, providing most of the film’s comic relief while also capably playing real terror and friendship. The two of them and Stella felt extremely natural as friends since childhood and Ramon also effortlessly blended into the group; these four kids’ chemistry was fantastic! At first I wished we'd gotten more personal connections between Chuck and especially Auggie’s fears and their personalities: most victims here face stories pulled from their established fears and anxieties, but Chuck and Auggie’s initially felt more random. A personalized connection to the stories the book used against them after “reading them” would enhance the scares and illuminate their characters, and after thinking about it more I think I may have an idea of what they're going for. I could buy Auggie as a hypochondriac, so eating a toe would be horrifying, and he seems to be the most afraid of spooky things among his circle of friends, so maybe his story is attuned to him, but just felt generic because of the more generalized nature of his fears. Chuck’s story is based on a recurring nightmare he has, but I think it’s more personal than that. The Pale Lady (Mark Steger) could be punishment for Chuck’s objectification of women via his pen, but I’m wondering if perhaps that pen is a front (given how quick to show it off he is, to prove his interest in it) and he’s secretly gay. He scoffs at Auggie’s attraction to Ruth (Natalie Ganzhorn), he’s attacked by the book in a mental hospital (homosexuality was classified as a mental illness in 1968), and his nightmare calls its red room (which turns out to be the entire building when the alarm lights come on) “an evil place” (conversion therapy is torture). I think the Pale Lady is a manifestation of conformity and traditional relationships being forced onto him (or rather, forcing him into their narrow definitions by literally absorbing him): she’s everywhere and he can’t outrun or escape her.

Chuck’s sister Ruth also got some solid depth: though initially introduced as a stuck-up and cliché popular teen, they quickly had her stand up for her brother. The fact that both of them annoyed one another but they still raced to help each other made their relationship feel very real. That she’s helping continue the search for him at the end of the film instead of being condemned to insanity forever or something is awesome too! Tommy (Austin Abrams) was the only teen character that was really written as one-note, but it was a frightening note, both because of the violence and racism he exuded and the fact that he could easily be a modern radicalized teen, filled with all the same kinds of hate, rage, and eagerness to go off and kill people in a pointless war that you can find online nowadays. Now that I think about it, Chief Turner (Gil Bellows) was also written fairly single-mindedly and he was also a villain. I wonder if that’s intentional: these human villains don’t have redeeming qualities or sympathetic backstories, so their racism and ugliness is fully on them. Of course, continuing to embrace racism is always fully on the racist, but this film isn’t even trying to make excuses for why they might be like that. I think the movie’s saying there really isn’t anything more to people who are this consumed by hate and ignorance. There’s no point in trying to reason with them because they’re exactly what they present to the world (except they’re not strong like they pretend: they’re just scared straw men). 

The movie’s main villain, Sara Bellows (Kathleen Pollard), does have more layers to her than these human ghouls: despite being “evil,” she’s presented as (initially) being a victim whose only crime was trying to warn the town about mercury poisoning in the water. After taking her revenge on her family for committing and torturing her, Sarah’s decline into unfocused rage parallels Stella’s inability to let go of her feeling that she drove her mother away nicely. I wonder if part of Sarah’s reason for attacking the kids just for finding and taking her book was because she thought they’d lie about her too; it’s when Stella promises to write and tell her story faithfully that she relents, after all. Skimming through the books again after seeing the movie, I realized I’d forgotten they were written to help you scare the people you were reading to, so I liked that Sarah telling stories tailored to her victims was her method of vengeance and that Stella had to help tell her story to end the terror. Those are cool ways to honor the structure of the books.

The film has a great mix of jump scares (some of which did work on me), gross-out imagery (Auggie and that toe, man!), body horror (Tommy’s fate was brutal and painful-looking!), and real-life terror (Ramon running from the draft resonated with me a lot; even as a kid growing up in the 90s, being drafted to go die in some war was a major fear of mine). It was sobering to see just how many of the societal problems of the late 60s (racism, pollution, white boy rage/toxic masculinity, useless wars, the wealthy screwing over everyone for profit, no one listening to women, etc.) still haven’t been solved today. I do wish the movie were a little scarier, but the overall tone is wonderfully spooky (and decidedly “fall,” which was great), while the comic relief breaks up the tension nicely. The design of the monsters is very cool, with some of them looking like they walked right out of the books. The pacing is brisk, the directing, writing, and score are all solid, and the actors all bring their A-game. Sarah Bellows’ book was a good way to weave the original series’ stories together and I really liked that our heroes don’t just forget or ignore what they’ve been through and walk away from the terror at the end of the movie. Instead, Stella, her father (Dean Norris), and Ruth are actively headed off to rescue Chuck and Auggie. I love that, like in the real world, you can’t just let evil fester: you’ve got to stand up and protect each other. Ramon also goes off to face his fears, enlisting in the army, but that was a lot more somber: I didn’t get the sense that he’ll be coming back (though I hope he will!).

I’d definitely watch More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and hope we get another movie (and a third one, if they want to go that far)! I love this spooky 90s literature renaissance that’s going on and I’d like to see it continue (please give me Goosebumps 3 and a show about The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids while we’re at it!). In the meantime, get your Halloween season started early, because these Scary Stories are definitely worth a trip to the theater!

 Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[catboytheorist]

In which I scream about Loki (2019) #1

Okay I’m just going to put my every reaction onto this post to save your dashboards from endless loki posting. SO

The front cover:

Why the fuck does he look so evil on the front cover. Tbh I know his face is just like that but also. We just had a redemption arc I can’t go through the whole again so soon

A rainbow in the background. Gay????

He’s just playing with Thor’s hammer which I LOVE because it’s so dumb and so loki to just. toss it around like it’s all a joke. Also, in War of the Realms Omega he says “Perhaps next time, I should borrow Mjolnir. I imagine I’ll be worthy enough any day now”. Tbh I don’t love the idea of Loki being worthy in an actual sense (I know he lifted the hammer in the axis event and that one time Odin just made him worthy to prove a point to Thor, but I think we can all agree those didn’t really count). Still, can’t wait to see where they go with that.

Also from War of the Realms: Omega, the shield he gives Drrf on the front cover!!!

The bridge is relatively familiar, like I know it’s one of the famous American ones (Brooklyn Bridge??) Anyway, hopefully this means some Midgard action and also there better be some fucking Verity Willis content or I’m gonna sue

BLACK FINGERNAILS. Still love it. In fact they kept the whole design and I’m absolutely nutting.

Also just a quick note on the variant cover because you know this bitch bought that shit: I know variant art isn’t always plot relevant, but would be fun if it is? I love that Loki’s grinning and the rest of the Asgardians are. Somewhat perturbed. I do prefer the regular art though, which tbh I usually do.

The contents:

I have very mixed feelings about the whole Loki being king of Jotunheim thing. Can’t really put my finger on it but honestly I’m just not that interested in Loki being that tied down. The fact that there’s a brb note on the throne is reassuring though. Also, is this meant to be angsty? Like I’m not confusing MCU Loki and 616 Loki but Loki has weird family feelings nonetheless, as seen by the super fun daddy vore scene. But anyway I’m not really feeling that vibe at the moment, and I think I’d like to.

Please do not draw Loki’s face like that.

Otherwise I love this suit he’s got going on and also the new symbol on his little face helmet thing? Love it.

Also, presumably the new symbol is meant to be jera, a rune that largely means cycles and changes in fortune, so I guess maybe there’s something in it about all the redemption arcs we’ve had going on in the recent past (which I have mixed feelings about).

Every time Loki flirts with a girl he has to also flirt with a guy, or be a woman while he does it. Like I know he’s bi but like. Where. If you make him straight Kibblesmith I’ll break into your home and piss on your keyboard.

Sigyn is mentioned!!! Is she going to be a character? I doubt it but I’m thrilled to just see her mentioned for the first time since. A long time. Anyway

!!!!!!!!

Okay but, both Loki and Thor as kings, the casino scene, Loki’s weird Odin projection thing saying that Loki will end the world... this is literally AOA Axis in reverse and I’m DYING

Oh fuck Loki’s just super fucking smashed (now hungover) what a fucking icon.

This is going to be my excuse for whenever I’m too fucking pissed

Is this the angst? The tasty fucking angst I was looking for?

I’m SCREAMING I love this of course Loki is a bad fucking king, it’s too much responsibility and he has to just. sit there. It’s boring. He’s not made to be a king and this I basically every confirmation I need. Incredible. Kibblesmith you’re ualid again. 

This whole thing is fucking ridiculous, Thor’s just like “Please. I’m begging you. Please just take this seriously for once in your life.” And Loki’s like “I’m deadly serious” as he builds fucking Olaf from Frozen

Olaf has just vored someone. 

Are we really doing another future Loki storyline? As much as I loved AOA I feel like its been done and I was really hoping to see something different? I don’t know, I really do enjoy Loki’s moral quandaries about ending the world and all that, but also what is the conclusion to this going to be other than that the future is not definite? Maybe I’m judging this too early but also, please do something different. I’m begging. (Not really).

So in the final page, are we meant to assume this is Loki, future Loki, and he’s worthy of Mjolnir? If so it could be an interesting twist on AOA. Still have my misgivings about being too involved in AOA. Still excited to see where it goes.

In the soon to be letter column: “Loki is a story about the kids who try to do everything right and still get punished for it”. Okay it’s cheesy but mentally ill kid me is crying.

Conclusion: I’m in love, I’m in love, not sold on the artwork entirely, but loving the story so far. I hope there’s more angst, I hope Kibblesmith does something quite different from AOA, and also please marvel GIVE US BACK VERITY WILLIS. Thank you. 

And yes I will be writing in a letter about Verity. Because I’m that bitch.