l3vi4than

[l3vi4than]

rb to have a super gay 2023

[l3vi4than]

My very own chicken creature that chose to live with me for some mysterious reason

an AMAZING compilation of raw chicken creatures from r/scrungycats

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i feel you Viago

[l3vi4than]

The Nutcracker 🩰🎄❄️

My recent Nutcracker illustrations and costume designs!

Prints available in my shop!

[l3vi4than]

i feel so old saying this, but i want to write it down for myself: Assan is also Davrin's "son" (and Davrin keeps calling him kid in game almost all the time), and the thing parents have with their kids is that you get to experience life twice: through yourself and through your kid, and it is twice as frightening to do so

Davrin is scared to give Assan agency at first because he's scared to lose him, and he thinks only he can protect his baby griffon from dangers. But truth is, Assan grew up to the point where he already learnt all the lessons Davrin meant to give him, and now he builds something of his own on top of that. As a teenager. And Davrin is scared of losing him not only literally like in battle, he is also super frustrated with the fear of losing his baby catbird to him becoming a big dangerous mythical creature that doesnt need Davrin. It is seen pretty clearly when you decide the future of the griffons, and Davrin seems to be ready to the fact Assan will just abandon him with no second thought, and shocked when he doesnt.

And not because he loves Davrin that much. He doesnt, because Davrin is a good parent, because he accepted Assan's personal self and freed him (as much as he was able to) from the chains of his helicopter parenting. He doesnt choose peers over parent because he trusts his parent will let him go when he'll need it. And we've been watching Davrin struggle with this idea from the very beginning of his character arc, going the entire way from "stay behind and be quiet" to "go on scout the place"

and i think it's been a beautiful growth of him as a parent, and its been really obvious Assan wasnt written as a pet or as a service dog. Assan was written as Davrin's kid. And it makes sense that if Davrin dies, his kid is doomed with him (even through within the game logic the griffon didnt have to fly into the blight after him)

kinda upset by how many people are insisting that davrin's narrative is more about assan than davrin

it's really not

everything revolving around how davrin interacts with assan is also him talking to himself

which is a perspective problem that all of the companions have

they are all people who are too in their own heads to be able to resolve some of their deeper fundamental conflicts, because all of them are deeply lonely and alienated from their respective social environments, convinced in various ways that they cannot relate too others or be related too in turn, which is one of the things that makes them the perfect team to hunt down solas, who has the same problems writ large across the ages.

and in overcoming their issues and turning to rook and each other for external opinions while solas observes rook it demonstrates that other courses of action are possible and that there is value in trusting others with their loneliness and vulnerability but ANYWAY

davrin pretty clearly projects his feelings about his own upbringing onto assan, including the very

clearly present problems he has experienced as a dalish warden, if we let ourselves see them. he's not turning around to us and saying directly that he's been treated like shit by humans for most of his life in any run i've had so far. he also doesn't need too. he demonstrates it with the positions he holds.

how he advocates for not revealing the truth behind the origins of the elves, because it will make their lives harder than they already are.

how he tells assan that he needs to toughen up or he'll get chewed up by the world. that he's meant to be a hunter. that it's in his blood. it's what he's for.

how he changes his mind when he sees assan interact with the halla. how it clearly reminds him, along with his reconnection with endrin, that he was once a little boy who sang to halla. that he is more than violence, more than the hunt, more than a living weapon meant to be used once and then disposed of.

i've barely touched on his romance at all in my current run but like. please. even without it, just from my first run:

davrin is so clearly afraid of abandonment, of rejection. of letting his guard down and letting people in because it might compromise his dedication to his chosen path - *as are they all, in different ways, which is on purpose* - that he is trying to raise assan to protect him from davrin's own pain.

which doesn't work! that doesn't work.

davrin looks at assan and names him arrow. davrin looks at himself and calls himself a weapon. davrin doesn't let himself return to his clan because he anticipates their rejection. because he already didn't fit in with them to start with. davrin never gives us his last name.

the unity between warden and griffon comes when davrin stops just projecting his own pain and fears onto assan, and learns how to work with assan as he is. In doing so, it makes him realize he can be more than a weapon. That there's an option for him beyond sacrifice and vigilance. That he can find peace. it is a reconciliation of disparate aspects of his Self, which is another recurring narrative thread in the game.

Davrin doesn't have to completely disconnect from his people. He doesn't have to himself separate and away from everyone, protecting them from what he perceives as his inevitable end, or from harming them. Assan can just be Assan, and Davrin can just be Davrin, and they love each other.

he reconciles himself with his complex feelings around his clan, finds value in the lessons they taught him that he chafed against as a younger man. he reconciles himself with the complex history of the wardens, and looks for a different future with them too.

assan is bright and vibrant and alive and new and, to borrow davrin's word, "pure". He can be anything. He reminds Davrin that he can be anything, too. Assan is a catalyst, he's not the actual focus. He is the catalyst for realizations in every scene we see him in in Davrin's personal quests, which are always actually about Davrin.

[l3vi4than]

this one is me

[l3vi4than]

that meme where

"hiiii we are a functional healthy poly family of three and we are also open and we are happy and we can answer your questions if you have any-"

and in the background: DIE MOZERFURKERS I HATE YOU SO MUCH WHY WONT YOU JUST DIE PAINFULLY YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED YALLS ARE JUST FILTHY CHEATERS AND WHORES AAAAARRRRRRHGHHH

Preoccupied by the way polyamory is treated with hate. I've gotten hate for even approaching the subject in the past. There's so much violent rhetoric and ideation surrounding it, so much genuine bigotry and prejudice towards people who practice it. But if you mention that, you get met with dismissal. It's not a big deal. You're taking it too seriously. Who gives a shit. Get over yourself. It is something that people respect so little that they refuse to even see it as a legitimate identity. Even left-wing progressive types will make jokes tantamount to thrashing blue-haired SJW snowflakes when it comes to polyamory. They're gross. They're weird. They're always cringe. It's never the people you want to be poly. I would rather kill myself. You'd think simply changing the structure of a relationship wouldn't be a problem, but even the most ardent defenders of equality can begin to say some pretty awful shit. Problem is, fundamentally, it is not seen as legitimate. It's not seen as deserving respect. There's all this handwringing about how these relationships are doomed to fail in order to justify this kind of thought and speech. It's bizarre to watch unfold. Frankly, it's the same sentiment and a lot of the same jokes as those cracked about nonbinary people. We're at a point where we've firmly accepted that everyone has a right to do what they want within the structure of social norms, you can take any side you want and do it with whoever you want. But as soon as you step outside of those norms, as soon as you go beyond the boundaries of social convention to find what suits you personally, everybody becomes a bitter reactionary.

[l3vi4than]

for some reason i woke up in the middle of the night and started googling ?study bibles with huge fields for notes? (mustve encountered a product placement ad within a dream)

and now i am absolutely obsessed with this thing

[l3vi4than]

when the objectively bad person has traumatic and honestly reasonable reasons for why theyre like that but it doesnt excuse their actions and only serves to make them more tragic as a character

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Laptops are always so much more Fucked than phones in my experience. A laptop is like a beautiful horse that wants nothing more than to break all of its legs. A decently solid android phone will act normal

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the worst fucking advice for my ADHD ass

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yknow what guys

i take all my words back. tumblr wasnt bad for my menthal health. ive been off tumblr like couple months, and now im back and it feels like coming back home to my toxic family

they are all bitches and they hate me, but i love 'em all

[l3vi4than]

they are on a date